The River and The Highway
by mischief-maker1
Summary: Ryan Fawcett was Dean's first exorcism when he was 11 years old. Occasionally, the huntress pops up into his life. But is there a greater force at work, bringing them together again & again? Prophecies, angels, and demons abound as their story interweaves. Spoilers through the Season 9 finale. Follows existing SPN cannon. Rated M for...everything. Trigger Warnings within. Dean/OFC
1. Carry On My Wayward Son: Lullaby Version

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I wish I did, but, alas, I am just a poor girl from a poor family…**

**DISCLAIMER TWO: Triggers for rape, assault, demonic possession. My story is dark and ugly. I won't apologize for it. If you can't handle it, please hit the little "back" button and exit without flames or criticism. Thank you.**

**AN:** Hi! Okay, so, my first Supernatural fanfiction. Meep! I fell in love with the show thanks to a million pins I kept seeing on Pinterest about something called a SuperWhoLock. I started watching Doctor Who because of Pinterest, started watching Sherlock for the same reason, and then, well, the pretty drew me in, okay? But I stayed for the plot.

Anywho, this came to me and the ending wasn't supposed to be this…massive. It was a few chapters tops, then it exploded in my head and then Dean took the mark and then he opened black eyes in the season finale and I was like, "HOOOOOLY SHIT" and then, well, this fic took on a life of its own. I will try my damndest to make the characters STAY in character and will also try my best to research to the best of my ability to stay true to Show.

Having said THAT, I will take a few liberties here and there, especially with the boys and hunting. Not much, I promise, just so it flows with my story. The first and second chapters are the best examples of that. Hopefully you'll hang on and enjoy the ride.

This story is Dean/original female character, just FYI. Trust me, she's not a Mary Sue, at least, I don't think she is! And hopefully even though I jump around in the story, you'll stick with it.

One last warning…the first few chapters are in Dean's point of view (except a little bit of John's in these first two chappies.) After that, we switch to Ryan's POV. You'll understand why as we go. Hopefully you'll enjoy it. I will rehash things a bit from her POV, but I'll try to keep it interesting.

Still with me? Cool. Let's do it!

* * *

_**September 1978**_

Mary blew out a breath as she sat down in the chair next to John, who smiled. He couldn't believe it. Pregnant. When she'd told him…well, she was ecstatic. He had shared her excitement, but the problems also plagued him. Money was tight. Being a mechanic certainly wasn't living the high life, but Mary was thrilled and he couldn't wait to show the kid how to play baseball, how to work on cars, how to treat a woman the right way, all the things his own father wasn't around to do.

"I can't believe I have to fill out all this paperwork again," Mary groused. "Isn't all this information supposed to have been in that packet of stuff from my regular doctor? And, of _course _I'm a woman! Clearly this paper was created by a man…"

John heard a feminine chuckle and his gaze lit on another couple sitting across the small waiting room from them. "Oh, I know. Isn't it just the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? They want our whole life stories! We're only pregnant, after all!"

Mary smiled at the woman, who wasn't showing a bit. "How far along are you?"

The woman grinned. "Oh, only about two months. You?"

"Five," Mary told her as she rubbed the little bump on her stomach. John was dying for it to be a boy, but, hey, if it were a girl, that would be alright, too. As long as it was healthy. That was the main thing.

"I'm Mary. This is John. And this," she said as she continued rubbing, "Is Dean. Or Deanna."

The woman's grin grew. "Well, this will be Ryan, whether it is a boy or a girl. It's my maiden name."

"Very pretty, either way."

John thought the name was too masculine for a girl, and too feminine for a boy, but who was he to say? So he kept his mouth shut and shot a bewildered grin to the woman's husband, who sat next to her with a bored expression on his face. The woman introduced them as Elaine and Eddie Fawcett. Eddie worked at the machine shop outside of town programming CNC machines. John didn't know much about that line of work, but when the man started talking about how he fixed them, it piqued John's interest and they carried on their own conversation as the two women discussed babies.

After what felt like forever, they heard the nurse call out, "Mary Winchester," and they bade the couple a goodbye.

"Oh, John, I like her. I'm going to invite them for dinner next week."

John rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut. It wasn't worth arguing about. At least Mary had a new friend. He'd do anything for his wife's happiness.

* * *

_**January 30, 1979**_

John sighed tiredly as he heard the soft knocking at the door. Dean hadn't slept except for an hour here or there since they'd gotten home from the hospital three days ago and he sure as hell didn't want any visitors. But when Elaine had called earlier in the day, Mary had been eager for her friend to visit. So, he put on a smile and accepted the hug from Elaine as he opened the door. He looked at Eddie, who stood sheepishly holding something wrapped in blue ribbons and bows. "Uh…here?" he offered.

John chuckled. "You want a beer? I could use some man company to take my mind off diapers for a few minutes."

Eddie grinned and followed John into the living room where he gave Mary the gift, then to the kitchen.

"So, how is it?" Eddie wanted to know.

John grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge and popped the top off of each using his wedding ring. He took a swig and then looked at the other man. "I've lived through war, Eddie, but I swear to God, the kid is going to kill me."

Eddie winced. "That bad?"

John thought a moment, then grinned. "Nah. He's…it's unbelievable. I never really thought of myself as a family man until I met Mary. My old man bailed on us when I was just a kid, so I don't have a lot of experience with dads. But I swear I'll do my damndest for my kid."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, John, I _did _have a dad and the whole perfect childhood and I'm terrified, so I think it's a new father thing."

John nodded. "That's alright. We'll learn together, I guess."

Eddie chuckled. "We'll need to. With wives like ours, I imagine they'll want basketball teams of kids."

John shuddered. "Let us survive this one, first."

* * *

_**April 17, 1979**_

John walked in from work half exhausted and more than a little wet thanks to the April rain storm currently raging outside. Mr. Tennyson's Ford was giving him trouble again and for some reason, John couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. He'd diagnosed three issues with the damn thing and fixed them, but still, Mr. Tennyson brought the car back with another problem and though he'd argued with the man that each thing he'd fixed had been a legitimate issue, it hadn't mattered. Mr. Tennyson had all but demanded John fix it for free this time, which had led to shouts so loud they'd almost come to blows, stopping only when Mike broke them up.

He walked into the kitchen and stopped dead. Mary was putting ribbons on a huge pink basket filled with all sorts of baby crap. "What the hell is all this, Mary?"

"Elaine had Ryan a few days ago! I told you, remember?"

John eyed the basket warily. "Yes, I remember. I just didn't realize we had to spend all my hard earned money on shit for their kid."

Mary's eyes narrowed. "We didn't spend _your _hard earned money, John; this is some of _my _money left over from _my _part time job before Dean was born!"

"Money _we_ could have used for _our son's _diapers!"

Mary threw her hands up in exasperation. "Look, Elaine spent a lot of money on us buying that bouncy thing for Dean, John. Now, I know this isn't that grand of a gift, but it has diapers, and some stuff I didn't even think of needing when Dean came home from the hospital. I just want to make it an easy transition for them…"

"So? Let their family do it! They have family, Mary!"

"In North Carolina, John! Eddie's mother can't afford a plane ticket out here!"

"And we can't afford to buy all their stuff for them!" John shouted.

Dean started to cry from his carrier and Mary sighed as she walked to him. "Look, John, she's one of my best friends, okay? She's just as lost in this whole motherhood thing as I am. I wanted to be there for her, alright?"

John felt himself deflate a little bit. Mary's parents died in some odd accidents when they were dating. She hadn't wanted to talk about it and he hadn't mentioned it to her in forever.

"Can I have the keys to the Impala?"

"Why?" he bit out.

She glared at him. "You took my car in yesterday to replace the shocks, remember? You were supposed to do that today, but I'm assuming, since you drove the Impala home and didn't call me and tell me to be ready to drive over there to pick it up, that you didn't get it finished. So, I need a car to go to Elaine's house. The pot roast is cooking for supper. It should be ready by the time I come back. Go take a shower, have a beer, and be in a better mood when I get home, okay?"

He didn't say anything, just held out the key chain with the bullet on it. He'd kept that bullet as a reminder of his time in the war, time he didn't want to repeat.

She made to grab the keys but he snatched them away and grabbed her, pulling her to him. She struggled at first and then blew out a breath as he pulled her in for a hug. It was as close to "I'm sorry" as he gave and he assumed she accepted it because she rolled her eyes, smiled a little, and kissed his lips. "I'll be home in an hour."

"Dean can stay with me," he offered.

She shook her head as she put the baby back in his carrier. "It's fine. Elaine will want to see him anyway."

She hooked the carrier on one arm, the pink basket on the other, and walked out the door into the pouring rain.

* * *

_**October 1979**_

John flipped the burger and took a swig of his beer. It was a nice fall Saturday and the Winchesters and Fawcetts were having a cookout at the local park. John wasn't sure _why _it had to be at the damn park when he had a perfectly good grill at home, but he just went with it. Mary and Elaine had been talking about it for weeks. Apparently the two walked here often to bring the kids to swing in the baby swings and let them play in the sandbox.

John smiled at his son who was currently crawling _out _of the sandbox and into the grass. Dean was a beautiful boy, he had to admit. He had a quick smile and mischief in his eyes most of the time. Had a quick temper, too, but that one he'd expected. He and Mary were both…volatile when they got angry, so it was to be expected their kid would too.

"Winchesters!" Eddie called as he walked up carrying Ryan in his arms. _She is a cute kid, too_, John mused. She was three months and ten days younger than Dean. He wouldn't have realized it, but he heard it often enough, it had burned itself in his brain. She had a head full of brown curls that went all over the place, and a little button nose. She was crawling already, too, much to Elaine's dismay, and it was hilarious to watch the two babies chatter to one another and crawl around together.

"Eddie, how's work?" John asked as he took the hot dogs from Elaine.

Eddie shrugged as he sat Ryan down next to Dean, who took her rattle from her and started chewing on it. Ryan hit him in the side of the head with a truck, which caused Dean to drop the rattle. John chuckled at the two. _Already cowing down to a woman, son. What will ever become of you? _

"It's work," Eddie said finally. "I tell ya, if computers keep coming in, one day my job might be obsolete."

"Don't you think all this computer crap is a fly by night thing?"

"Not in my business. Word is, CNC machines will become automated. If that happens…"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Elaine said softly as she patted her husband's arm. "Besides, your dad still has that cabinet making business."

"I don't want to build damn cabinets, Elaine. Why do you think I moved in the first place?"

Elaine sighed. "Can we not do this here?" she hissed.

"So, Elaine, what has Ryan learned this week?" Mary asked as she, too, joined their group. John recognized the diversionary tactic and he was impressed by his wife.

Of course, between the two of them, they had both gotten good at finding ways to avoid arguments. Sometimes they just thrived on them instead.

"Oh, Mary, she's started pulling up to the furniture! I think we've got an early walker on our hands!"

Mary sighed. "Yes, Dean has discovered how much easier life is on two legs. I don't doubt he'll be walking soon and when he does, watch out!"

John smiled as the two women gushed over the kids and went back to cooking.

* * *

_**April 16, 1983 (Yeah, we skipped forward in time quite a bit)**_

"Happy afer birfday, Wyan," Dean said to his friend as he handed her the gift wrapped in G.I. Joe paper.

"Tank you, Dean," Ryan replied as she took it. Mary and Elaine smiled over the kids' heads and John chortled. It was Ryan's fourth birthday party and Mary had insisted on coming, even though she was due with the new baby in only a few weeks. The doctor had told her to take it easy. She had told him to piss off. John had never loved his wife more. She didn't let anyone, and certainly not some idiot doctor, tell her what to do. She was fine, she was healthy, and she would be damned if she would 'take it easy' just because she was expecting another child. John had put his foot down, though, and wouldn't let her carry Dean around. He was four now. He needed to be on his own two feet anyway.

"Daddy? Can yous play wif us?" Dean asked as he slipped his hand in John's.

John smiled at the two kids. There were other children playing in the park, but since neither Ryan nor Dean were in daycare, the only two children at the party was the two of them. "Sure," he said with a grin as he snatched both kids up into his arms amid giggles and shrieks. He carried them over to the swings and started them both going, pushing them as high as he dared.

He smiled over at his wife, who was rubbing her belly while she talked to Elaine. He couldn't believe he'd been blessed so much. He wasn't quite sure what he did to deserve this happiness but he would take it.

"Higher, Daddy! Higher!"

John laughed and turned his attention back to Dean, who was eagerly pumping his legs. "Hold on tight, Ryan," he warned as he gave her a little harder push as well.

She giggled and tossed her head back as her legs went up. "Dis. Is. Awesome!" she cried.

"Awesome!" Dean agreed and John just shook his head as Eddie walked over to him, handing him a soda.

"How's it going, Eddie?" John asked.

Eddie blew out a breath. "Fine. The plant laid off a handful of employees."

"You weren't one of them, were you?"

Eddie shook his head. "No, I'm safe for now, but had to take a pay cut. It's bad."

"You aren't going to move are you?"

Eddie looked at his wife. "Not now. Not yet. But we might have to."

"I'm sorry, man. If there's anything we can do…" John knew money was tight, would be tighter still when Little Samuel or Samantha made their appearance, but at least he had a decent job that paid steady.

Eddie held up a hand. "Thanks. I don't want to worry Elaine. She's got a lot of stress."

"She doing alright?" John knew she'd just suffered another miscarriage. The Fawcetts had been trying for a baby for the past two years.

"She'll make it. She's a strong woman."

John smiled. "Both our women are, man."

Eddie laughed. "That they are. Strong willed."

"God help us," John added.

* * *

_**May 2, 1983**_

"Daddy!" Dean called as he ran into John's waiting arms.

"Hey, bud. You wanna come meet your new brother?"

"I got a brodder! Wyan! I got a brodder!"

"Neat!" she shouted as she walked up holding Elaine's hand.

"Thanks, Elaine, for watching Dean for us. It was nice not to have to worry about him and where he was."

Elaine smiled softly at John. "How is Mary?"

"Tired, but fine. Sammy was a big baby." He chortled. "I imagine he's going to be huge by the time he's an adult."

"I'm big, too!" Dean intoned.

John gave him a hug. "I know you are, buddy, and you're a big brother now. That's a big responsibility." They had talked to the boy about how Dean would have to be a good boy to help his mom some and Dean had taken to it with an enthusiasm that put both John and Mary's minds at ease. He walked them down the hall and just outside Mary's door he stopped, kneeling down to Dean's level. "Okay, Dean, Mommy's really tired and a little sore, okay? So, you go give her hugs, but be gentle, alright?"

Dean was solemn as he nodded. "I pwomise, Daddy."

John smiled and kissed Dean's hair. "Okay then." He sat Dean down and the little boy grabbed Ryan's hand before they ran into Mary's room.

"I wish that excitement for Ryan," Elaine stated as she and John also stepped inside.

John wasn't comfortable with other women's emotions and feelings, but Mary had forewarned him of Elaine and Eddie's desire and failed attempts at having another child. He felt sorry for them and once more thanked his lucky stars for the blessings he had. So he laid a hand on her shoulder. "If it's meant, Elaine, it will be. I never thought I was meant to be married or have kids, but I did. Life is what we make of it. So, uh, make the most of what you have."

She smiled through gentle tears falling down her face. "Why, John Winchester, I didn't know you were so sensitive. You're an armchair philosopher."

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, I don't know about that…"

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "You're a good man, John. Always stay that way."

* * *

_**October 31, 1983 **_

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Dean's voice called as soon as John breeched the door. It was Halloween and John had promised Dean they would go out trick-or-treating just as soon as he got home and cleaned up from work. "I'm Batman!"

The caped crusader crashed into his legs and John laughed as he picked Dean up and tossed him into the air. "So you are! And who am I?"

Dean's eyes narrowed as he looked at John. "You're Alfred."

John chortled. "I am. And why is that?"

"It's ucuz Batman's family is dead and I don't want you to be dead, Daddy."

John nodded. "Well, thanks, bud, I appreciate that." He glanced at Sammy who was sitting on the floor, playing with blocks, well, gnawing on one, rather. "And who is your baby brother?"

"He's Robin ucuz he's not big enough to do anyfing cool!"

John laughed out loud at that. "Mary?"

"I'm coming! Just wanted to pop the meatloaf in the oven," she stated as she grabbed a sweater from the hook in the hall. "It should be ready by the time we get back."

"Sounds good." He could sense her sadness. Eddie had lost his job, so it looked like the Fawcetts would be moving back to North Carolina soon. They hadn't the heart to tell the kids yet. Dean and Ryan loved each other more than any other two children John had ever seen. Of course, he didn't know that many kids, so who was he to judge?

He glanced at Dean, who was almost vibrating with excitement. "Well, I guess we can just put this one to bed. I mean, it's not like anything _special _is going on tonight…"

Dean's mouth fell open. "Daddy! You pwomised we could go twick-or-tweating!"

John started tickling Dean, who fell back as the giggles assaulted him. "Daddy! Daddy, stop!"

"Nope, not gonna," John told him as he blew kisses on Dean's stomach.

"Unca! Unca! I give!"

John stopped and eyed the boy. "Batman would never give up that easily."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, but you're Alfred, not a bad guy. Batman would never hurt Alfred. He loves Alfred."

John didn't know what to say to that. "Well, I suppose you're right. But what would he do to one of the bad guys?"

"Beat 'em up!"

"Exactly." He glanced at Sammy, who was fighting Mary slipping a jacket on him. "You know, it's a good thing Sammy isn't a bad guy."

Dean shook his head. "He's gots to be Robin. Sammy could never be a bad guy! I couldn't hurts Sammy! He's my brover! I gots to protect him! Then when we gets big, we can fight crime together! Like Batman and Robin really do!"

Mary smiled at them. "Well, until he's big enough to feed himself and go potty like a big boy, I guess he'll have to be a crime-fighter in training."

"I'm big enough," Dean said with a smile. "I's a great crime fighter!" Just then, the doorbell rang. "And here's my helper!"

John's eyebrows quirked but he smiled when Dean opened the door to reveal Ryan wearing a Wonder Woman costume. "I'm here! I can hep save da day!"

The adults smiled and cameras came out for everyone to have their pictures taken.

Three hours, ten houses, two tummy aches, and a meatloaf later, they were saying their goodbyes to the Fawcett family. "Daddy, why candy gotta make your tummy hurt?" Dean asked miserably when John came in to kiss him goodnight.

John shot him a look. "Maybe next time you and Ryan decide to eat all the Halloween candy, you should heed the warning from your mom."

"I think Ryan's sicker than me. She ate," he held up three fingers, "free candy bars!"

John's nose wrinkled. Mary was still cleaning up the proof that Ryan had been sicker than Dean.

"I sorry, Daddy. I pwomise I wiw wisten to Mommy next time."

John bent down to kiss Dean's head. "I know, Dean. You're a good boy. I love you."

"Love you, too," Dean managed as he hugged his bear tightly, already halfway asleep.

John blew out a breath as he made his way back downstairs. "Everything all cleaned up?"

Mary chortled. "It's vomit, John. You saw blood and guts in the war."

"Yeah, and puke still does me in," he affirmed.

She smiled and walked over to kiss his lips. "I love you, John Winchester."

"I sometimes wonder why," he admitted quietly.

She smiled and kissed him again. "It's cleaned up enough for now. The boys are in bed. Come on. Let me show you just how much I love you."

He grinned. "Well, you know I can never say 'no' to that."

* * *

_**November 3, 1983 (Early Morning)**_

"John! John!" he heard as if in a daze.

John turned wide eyed and looked at Elaine Fawcett. "Sh-she's gone, Elaine. Mary's gone!"

Elaine's hands flew to her mouth and she began sobbing. "No…"

He looked up at the house in shock. He couldn't make heads or tails of what had happened. He'd tried to tell the police there was something going on in the house, but they had just looked at him like he was crazy and patted him on the shoulder.

"John, come on, let me take the boys with me back to the house…"

"No!" he shouted as he tugged both boys closer to him. "No, Elaine. They're not safe. It isn't safe for them…"

"John, you're scaring Dean. He's been through enough."

John looked down at his oldest boy, who was pale white under the soot that had floated through the air to stain their clothes. "Y-yeah, okay. Let's…let's get him cleaned up…"

"I have some of his play clothes at the house, John. Come on. You can wear some of Eddie's things. Let's get the boys taken care of. You're all exhausted, you need sleep, you need…" her voice caught and she shook her head. "Come on. Let's go."

He followed her in a daze as she walked to the passenger side of the Impala. "Come on," she motioned as she directed John into the seat. "Dean, come on, sweetie, into the back seat."

Dean scampered into the back and Elaine held out her hands for Sammy. "Come on, John, let me put Sammy in his seat. He's fine. See? He's asleep."

John looked down at his little boy. What the hell was he going to do without Mary? What did he know about raising his sons?

"John, come on," Elaine coaxed. "Let's get you three cleaned up, alright?"

John blinked and handed Sammy to her. She was Mary's best friend. She would help, wouldn't she? She was moving away. Mary didn't have many friends, and the ones she did had moved and she'd had a few that died lately, which was strange. What was he going to do?

She took Sammy from him and strapped him into the baby seat that was in the back of the car. The stupid car seat laws had gone into effect while Mary was pregnant. Mary…John didn't realize he was crying until he felt the hot tracks streak down his face. He didn't notice the car moving, either, until they were parked outside of the Fawcett house. He blinked. Had he given Elaine the keys? He didn't remember. Did he have the keys? Yes, he did. He had made a beer run after the boys had gone to bed. Dean'd had a cold earlier in the week. It had run through the house. Mary hadn't felt good, said she was going to bed. He needed some more beer. She hadn't bought any more at the store. He'd wanted to argue about it, but he decided to go out and get it and not be a whiney bitch about it instead. She'd gone to sleep. He'd watched TV until he fell asleep. Then he'd heard her scream…

He sucked in a breath. "Mary…"

Elaine didn't respond as she walked around and grabbed up Sammy before taking Dean's hand.

No, he couldn't let the kids out of his sight! He leapt from the car and was by her side in an instant, trying to wrench Sammy from her grasp. "John!" she shouted. "Stop!"

"No! They're not safe! It…something…something wasn't right! Something killed Mary!"

"Fire, John," Elaine stated softly. "It was a fire, John. A fire killed Mary."

_No fire causes your wife to burn on the ceiling_, he wanted to shout, but he didn't. He sucked in great lungfuls of air as he fell to his rear on the front steps of her house. "God, Elaine, what am I going to do?"

She held Sammy close to her and shook her head. "I don't know, John. But let's get in the house. You boys have been sitting outside all night in the cold November air. Let's get you warmed up and some food in your bellies, alright?"

"Food. Warm. Right," John managed.

"Mama?" they heard and saw Ryan coming down the stairs.

"Ryan, go get Dean's bag from the laundry room, okay?"

Ryan yawned. "Why are you here so early?" she asked Dean.

"There was a fire," he said simply.

Ryan blinked and opened her mouth, but Elaine shushed her quickly. "Go get the bag, now. Then go get those things we were going to take to them today, those clothes from Marcy…"

John looked at her quizzically.

"One of the ladies from church has a boy a little older than Sammy. She sent me some hand-me-down clothes for him…I washed them and all…"

John just nodded, confused. He couldn't function, he couldn't…nothing made sense right now. He sat there, as if in a trance while Elaine fussed over Sammy, getting him a bottle from the bag she had found in the back seat of the Impala and changing him before setting him down to sleep on a pallet then she got Dean cleaned up and fed and sleeping on the same pallet next to Sammy before she turned her attention back to John.

She poured them both glasses of whiskey before handing one to him. "John, come on, drink this. It'll help."

He downed it quickly, barely noticing the burn. "Elaine…she's gone. My Mary…she's gone."

Elaine laid a hand on his arm. "I know, John. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry…"

This time, he didn't have to hold back as the sobs wracked his body. What was he going to do?

* * *

**AN2**: Ya'll still with me? I know, heavy. Sorry about that! The next one will be, too, but it will get a bit better. This isn't a happy story, just FYI but…I'm a big believer in the Happily Ever After. Let's see if The Winchesters find any, shall we?


	2. Sweet Child of Mine

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. But if I did, I would be nicer to the characters. Or...maybe not? LOL**

**Disclaimer two: Things start to get uglier here. Just warning you. Triggers for discussions of rape, demonic possession, violence. **

**AN: Hi! Thanks for my two reviews and four follows! Yay! I'm glad you're enjoying this story. There is a LOT of story going on. I hope you stick around!**

**So, I suck at a lot of computer related things. I can write, (hopefully you think so) but if you would be interested in making me a banner or putting my little story out into the world in any communities you might be in, just PM me, kay? Thanks a bunch! **

**ONE LAST THING...Each chapter will have a song. You don't have to listen to it, I'm just using it as chapter title, but it IS appropriate for the chapter. Just FYI.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO: Sweet Child of Mine**

**SEVEN YEARS LATER…**

"Dean, pack up. I've got a job."

Dean didn't even blink as he stood immediately from the game of battleship he and Sammy were playing. "Yes, sir," he intoned as he started putting the pieces in the box.

"But I was winning, Dean!" Sammy whined.

"Shut it, Sammy. We'll play it again. Go get your stuff packed." He lowered his voice, "Dad sounds like he's in a hurry."

Sammy stood and huffed to his bed before he began shoving stuff into his duffle bag, mumbling under his breath. Dean stopped and looked around, praying their father didn't hear Sam's whining. It sounded like John was in a mood, and they didn't need Sammy's sniveling to make the situation worse.

It took them an hour before they were on the road. Dean was dying to know what the job was, so, he willingly handed over his walkman and cassettes to his brother so he could lean over the seat. "What's the job, sir?" he asked softly and politely.

"Possible demon activity linked to some disappearances of kids in North Carolina."

"Kids?" Demons never went after kids. Well, rarely. Usually they went after grown ups and made them do their dirty deeds. What would demons want with kids?

John nodded. "Specifically girls, aged ten to fourteen."

Dean whistled low. He was eleven, so this was in his age range. They hadn't dealt with a lot of things messing with kids, or if they had, Dean hadn't known about it. Except the Shtriga. That…that had been terrible. However, most of the time, it was taboo even for some of the nasties they'd come across. "Can I help, Dad?"

John sighed. "We'll see. I can't tell you anything definitive until I get there and hit the ground running."

* * *

It was eighteen hours later when they drove into the small town of Trimbly, North Carolina. He got them a room at the seedy motel and after putting up all the wards, they exhaustedly fell into bed.

The next morning, John was up with the sun and out in town, asking questions and finding out about the missing girls. So far, there was no connection that he could see, but he knew there would be something. All the girls were around the same age, but that's where the similarities ended. One was a softball champ, one was a ballerina, one was a swimmer, and one played soccer…they all attended different schools and all lived in different areas of town.

He was asking about the third victim when he heard, "John? John Winchester?"

John closed his eyes a moment, willing the lie to his tongue as he turned and was accosted by another man hugging him. "John! I knew it was you! What are you doing in town?"

John looked at Eddie Fawcett. "Eddie? Uh, hey, man, good to see you."

"What are you doing here in North Carolina?"

"Job shopping." Well, it wasn't a lie.

"Where are the boys? Are they with you?"

John nodded. "Yes, they're staying at the motel…"

"Which one?"

"Rip Van Winkle? Out on Route One."

Eddie wrinkled his nose. "No, you don't want to stay there. It's a fleabag infested joint. Come home with me. I'm sure Elaine would love to see the boys. You know how badly it hurt her when we moved away after the accident."

John felt the stab to his heart, but remembering Elaine was one of Mary's best friends, he couldn't say no. Besides, it would be good for the boys to be in a house for a few days. Maybe that would help Sammy's attitude and give Dean a chance to be a kid for a minute. "Yeah, uh, that sounds good. Thanks, Eddie."

"Great!" He wrote an address on the back of an old receipt from his pocket and handed it to John. "Here's my address. Just take Highway One, north, to the second stoplight from the motel. Turn right, first left, first right. Third brick house on the left. See you around supper time? Elaine's making meatloaf."

John smiled just slightly and nodded. "Sure. And thanks again."

"Elaine's going to have kittens. You wait and see. She'll be thrilled."

John watched him walk away and sighed. This case just got a hell of a lot more complicated.

* * *

"Now, remember, boys, I'm looking for work, we live in Ohio. Keep it vague…" John rattled off a few more things Dean wasn't paying attention to. They were Winchesters. They knew how to lie and lie effectively. There was no way anyone would suspect their dad was a hunter. Or, rather, that he hunted the things that went bump in the night, for that matter.

They pulled up to the modest ranch style brick home and Dean felt this odd sensation, a wistfulness. John had said this woman was friends with his mom, and that Dean had played with their daughter, who was the same age as him. This was a tangible connection to the woman they loved most in the world. They walked to the small brick landing and were almost immediately accosted by a short, slightly plump lady. Dean wouldn't call her fat, just…fluffy. Kinda like that cat that hung around the motel they were staying at in Newark, New Jersey last year. It was a nice cat. It always let him and Sammy pet it.

"John! Dean! Sam! Oh, boys!" she cried. And as she hugged them, Dean felt something wet in his hair. She was crying. Crying because she missed them. No one missed them. No one even knew them. He swallowed hard and felt his eyes stinging as she pulled him away to look at him. "My goodness, you're handsome, Dean. Eleven years old already, just like Ryan."

Dean's brow knit. Ryan. The girl, right? Dean could barely remember her. He recalled flashes of a toothy grin, brownish-red pigtails, a Wonder Woman Halloween costume to his Batman, and a shared bubble gum flavored ice cream cone because hers fell in the dirt. Just then, the girl in question bound to the door. "Mom, the timer's going off…" She stopped short and looked at him with big brown eyes. "Uh, hi."

He smiled shyly at her. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. "Hi."

Sammy piped up next to him, "Hi! I'm Sammy!"

Her attention turned to the younger boy and she smiled a blinding smile. "Hiya, Sammy. I'm Ryan."

Dean felt a moment's worth of irritation that she wasn't smiling at _him _that way, but he let it go as he realized the woman still had yet to move her hand from his shoulder.

"John, the boys are beautiful. Mary would be so proud…" And then she was off sobbing again.

Dean immediately glanced up at his father to gage his reaction. They were usually forbidden to talk about Mary, leaving Dean to tell his brother about her when John was out on a hunt, and even then, only when Sammy wouldn't shut up about her. To his surprise, John was looking stoic, but not angry, just sad, and it irritated Dean that this woman wouldn't shut up as she continued going on about the woman they all loved and missed.

"Elaine," her husband reprimanded softly as he, too, came to stand at the door. "Give them all some space, let them come in the house, for crying out loud. Ryan said the timer's going off. You know I'm useless in the kitchen…"

"Oh! Of course…" she sniffled once, and then touched Dean's face softly. "I didn't get to know Sammy very well, but I have missed you, Dean."

Dean swallowed hard once more as he felt that funny feeling in his chest again. "Thank you, ma'am," he managed.

She smiled and excused herself while she bustled back into the kitchen. "Ryan!" she called, "It will be about fifteen minutes. Show the boys some of your toys, alright?"

The girl, Ryan, rolled her eyes. "Like you'll want to play with Barbie dolls."

Dean snorted back a laugh and Sam shot him a look.

Ryan smiled. "However, I do have some boy stuff and some games and things for when my cousin comes to visit. Come on to my room."

They followed her through the small sitting area to a hallway and she showed them into a room that was surprisingly not girly. The surprise must have shown on Dean's face because Ryan chuckled. "I'm not a girly girl, Dean. No lace, no frills, just me."

He saw the movie poster hanging on the wall and smiled. "That wasn't a bad one."

She shrugged. "Eh, well, Dad and I are both Trekkies."

"You don't like Star Wars?" Sammy asked, as if it were something indecent.

She giggled. "Well, not as much as Star Trek, no, but it's okay. Princess Leia IS cool. And Han, well, Han is awesome. But this one…" She closed her closet door to show a poster of Indiana Jones. "Indy's my favorite."

"Mine too," Dean mused as he walked over to the poster.

"I got a whip a few months ago when we went on vacation," she started as she flopped onto the bed. "And Daddy bought me a fedora. He says I might can learn to use the whip. Wouldn't that be cool?"

Dean couldn't help stare at her as she enthused, jumping off the bed to rummage through her closet, bringing out her hat and her whip to show Sam, who was as excited as she was.

He switched over to watch Sammy talk about Indiana Jones and didn't notice her staring at him until he glanced her way and they both blushed. Most girls didn't really notice either of the Winchester boys, not yet, anyway. He knew he was decent looking, but he was a scrawny kid, they both were, and he was still short for his age. He sized her up as she tucked a piece of reddish-brown hair behind her ear. Ryan was about a half a head shorter than him, so she must have been a midget compared to regular sixth graders. Or maybe she was still fifth grade? He wasn't sure.

"WOW!" Sammy exclaimed, drawing Dean out of his musings. "Check out your bookshelf!" Dean looked at it and saw it was filled to the brim with books, some stacked here and there around it, on top of it, by the bed; books were everywhere.

"I like to read," she said softly. "I'm reading this one, right now, about a girl that finds an abandoned house with a velvet room in it. In the room is a ghost."

Dean snorted out loud. "Is it scary, princess?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "I'll have you know I'm _not _scared of ghosts! I've read all the Goosebumps books! Daddy lets me watch some scary movies, sometimes! And I love Stephen King movies, too!"

"Yeah, I bet if a real ghost would come in here, you would pee your pants!" Dean taunted.

She narrowed her eyes and he could see the anger sparking in those brown depths. Odd that he realized they were the color of his dad's favorite whiskey…

"Dean!" Sammy interjected. "Cool it!" He turned to the girl. "Dean's macho, Ryan. He'd probably be scared if he saw a ghost, too."

Now it was Dean's turn to narrow his eyes. "Damn it, Sammy," he growled under his breath. They had never actually _seen _a ghost, but they'd heard Dad talking about it to Uncle Bobby once. Dean knew how to handle one, just in case, but, no, he'd never actually seen one. But, heck, if a Shtriga couldn't scare him, (and he would take it to his grave that it hadn't scared _him _only scared him for what it had almost done to Sammy,) he felt sure a ghost wouldn't bother him, either.

"Now, aliens on the other hand…" Sammy added with an impish grin.

Dean gave him a shove and muttered, "Bitch."

"Jerk," Sammy shot back with a smile.

Okay, Dean could admit, aliens kinda freaked him out, but only because his dad had never talked about them, so, he wasn't sure his dad knew how to kill one. Anything else; werewolves, vampires, wendigos, shapeshifters, all that, their dad could kill. Aliens? Not so much. Freaky little green Martian dudes…

Ryan laughed. "Man, I wish I had a kid brother or sister."

"Why don't you?" Dean asked, not unkindly.

She shrugged. "I guess Mama and Daddy had enough trouble getting me. And, hey, I'm perfect, so, why try again, right?"

She got out the cards for rummy and Dean was watching her shuffle the cards with rapt attention when they heard Elaine call for supper. "To be continued," Ryan murmured as she stood.

"How do you know how to shuffle that well?" Dean wanted to know as he stood from his place on the floor next to Sammy.

She grinned. "Daddy's a good card player. Mama doesn't like for him to teach me to play poker and rummy, but he's really good at it. He wins money, sometimes, from the neighbor. It makes Mr. Thomas' wife so mad. They don't bet much, but Daddy's always been excellent at it."

"Think you could teach us?" Dean questioned with a challenge in his tone.

She smirked. "Tonight, after the grown-ups go to bed. We can play out on the back porch." She paused and challenged, "Think you can sneak away from Daddy Winchester?"

"Of course," Dean told her with confidence.

"Alright, then."

* * *

Sneaking away from John was easier than Dean thought. John had been given the guest room and Dean and Sam had been relegated to the sitting room floor. However, the adults stayed up until almost midnight talking and Sam passed out sometime after eleven. Dean laid there and listened to the sounds of the house quieting down, heard the gait of his father stop in the door of the room to check on them, before moving down the hall. Dean waited five more minutes when he heard the gentle footfalls of bare feet padding back up the hall. Ryan. He heard the slight squeak of the screen door leading onto the back porch. Dean stood from the sleeping bag and padded out to the kitchen, stopping to grab a soda from the fridge. He snagged a grape one for her and made his way out to the porch.

She had already set up the chips and was shuffling cards when he emerged. He watched her silently for a moment, taking her in. Her long hair was in soft waves down her back and she wore simple purple pajamas. The shirt was plain purple, but the pants had tiny purple flowers on them. She turned around as if hearing him and smiled. "Hey."

He walked over and sat the can next to her hand.

She looked at him in surprise. "Those are my favorite."

He shrugged. "I saw you drinking one at dinner."

She smiled. "Boys aren't that observant."

"I am," he puffed with a hint of pride. Not being observant could get a person killed. His dad had yet to take him out on a hunt, but he knew he would. He was prepared. John had trained him from the time he was younger than Sammy, so he was just waiting. What John was waiting for, he wasn't sure, but Dean would be ready.

She cocked her head to look at him a moment and he grew slightly warm at being under such scrutiny. "Alright, Winchester. Sit down and watch the master at work…"

Ryan showed him everything her father had taught her, and by the time the sky was pinkening in the east, he had beaten her twice. She threw down her cards in defeat and stood, stretching. "Wow. It's official, you're better at this than me."

"It's your tell," he murmured, blushing slightly as he, too, stood. They had discussed tells and she had showed him how he held his breath just slightly when he found he had a good hand, and how his left hand started drumming when he was bluffing.

"What's my tell?" she breathed as he moved closer.

"This," he reached his thumb to her mouth. "The right side of your mouth moves up, just a little bit, when you've got a good hand. And when you're bluffing, your eyes widen, just a little."

"Is that so?" she asked softly, leaning in.

He wasn't sure why they were whispering. "Yeah."

"Thanks."

He wasn't sure which one leaned in, but the next thing he knew, his lips were pressed to hers.

She tasted like grape and moonlight, which was weird, because moonlight didn't have a taste. She smelled like honeysuckle and girl.

She let out a whimper and he opened his eyes to take her in as she pulled away. Her eyelids fluttered open and she smiled a shy smile. She bit her lip and looked around. "I, uh, I guess we need to try to get to sleep, huh?"

He blinked once, twice, before shaking his head slightly. "Yeah, I, uh, I guess so."

They gathered up the chips and cards in silence, and he held the door open for her. At the door to the sitting room, she ran a hand down his arm to squeeze his hand before she grinned and walked away.

He walked to his pallet in a trance. Sam snorted and woke up. "Dean? You okay?"

Dean smiled and licked his lips. He could still taste her. "Yeah, I'm good. Go back to sleep, Sammy."

* * *

The next day Ryan had school, so she was gone by the time Dean emerged from the sitting room. Surprisingly, his father had let him sleep in, so it was almost eight o'clock by the time he woke, but that still meant he only had a few hours of sleep. He didn't know how she was going to survive the school day and briefly felt bad for keeping her up all night. But not bad enough to regret that kiss…

He and Sam made themselves scarce while Elaine puttered about, but then she called them for a late breakfast, feeding the boys waffles and bacon before she sent them off to watch movies and TV most of the day.

It was…weird. He wasn't worried about Sammy, wasn't worried about if the food money would run out, wasn't worried about if the salt lines stayed secure, and he wasn't worried about if the owner of the motel would try to come in and kick them out. Dean hadn't been a kid in forever, so this was like a vacation. So much so, it unnerved him. He'd never _had_ a vacation. So, when she came in with a dusting rag while he and Sammy were watching The Disney Channel, he jumped up and asked, "Can I help, Mrs. Fawcett?"

She blinked in surprised as Sam followed his lead and stood, waiting. "Well, aren't you two helpful? Sure, if you would like. I had been planning on having Ryan and her dad wash the windows this weekend. Say, I'll pay each of you five dollars if you'll do it. Sammy can clean the inside and Dean, you can grab the ladder from the shed and clean the outside. Would that work?"

Dean held in his surprise. They were going to do chores and get _paid_? Where did he sign up? "Yes, ma'am! That would be great!"

The two boys eagerly worked cleaning the windows then she offered them both an extra two dollars each to wash her minivan.

They came back in soaking wet and Mrs. Fawcett giggled as she handed them each a beach towel. Once he was dried and back in clean clothes, Dean left Sammy getting cleaned up and went to find her. To his surprise, she was looking at a photo album. She was sniffling, so he contemplated leaving her alone, but she must have sensed he was there, because she looked up and beckoned him over. He walked over and let out a gasp. The photos were all of his mom and a much younger, thinner looking Mrs. Fawcett. "This is one of Ryan's baby books. I was obsessed with taking pictures. I have a ton of you boys with your mom and dad, too. Would you like to see?"

Dean started nodding rapidly and she smiled through her tears as she patted the seat next to her on the couch.

She put the photo album in Dean's lap and he became engrossed in the pictures. There were a few of his mom, expecting him, with Mrs. Fawcett standing next to her, looking a little less like she'd swallowed a basketball than his mom, but not much. "That was about a week before your mom had you. She was so excited. I don't know what her family life was like growing up, but it seemed as though having kids, raising them, was one of the best jobs she could have."

Dean smiled as his finger touched her face in the picture. She was so beautiful. "I miss her," he said softly. "Sammy doesn't even know her, probably wouldn't recognize her if he saw her on the street. But I do."

Mrs. Fawcett smiled and hugged him around the shoulders. "Well, I know her death was tragic, but she loved you boys and your daddy. You were the best thing to ever happen to her. Never doubt that, okay?"

He bit his lip and nodded as he felt a tear slide down his face.

"Say, you want to make a little extra money?"

Dean nodded again. "Sure."

"Okay. You finish looking at this album, then, if you feel like it, I sure could use someone to weed the bushes out front."

He smiled and appreciated the fact she didn't call him out for crying like a baby over a picture of his mom. "Sounds good," he managed.

She left him alone, then, and Sammy didn't come looking for him, either. He looked through the album twice, memorizing each picture he saw with his mom in it before he stood and slipped it back onto the bookshelf. He went to find Mrs. Fawcett, and by the time Ryan's bus arrived, Dean had earned fifteen dollars and Sammy eight. "Are you sure this is okay?" Dean asked Mrs. Fawcett as she counted out the bills from her wallet. "I don't feel right taking your money. We're staying in your house for free and eating all your food. And Sammy eats like a pig."

Something passed through Mrs. Fawcett's eyes, something Dean couldn't quite figure out, but it left and a smile plastered itself on her face. "I'm sure, Dean. You boys helped me more than I can thank you for. And the car looks terrific. You go on and get Sammy, go play for a while now and have fun."

Dean walked to the sitting room where Sammy had dashed off to. "Dean! What are you gonna buy with your money? I think I want some Lego's, or maybe a Matchbox car…"

Dean rubbed the money in his hands with a sigh. Fifteen dollars would buy a bunch of Spaghetti-O's and Mac and Cheese next time their dad left on a hunt. If they stayed in neighborhoods, maybe he could start doing stuff like mowing lawns, but he figured motels were cheaper for their dad. Whatever. He stuck the money down in the hidden flap he'd cut in his duffle. His dad didn't need to know where he squirreled away extra money or pocket change he found when he washed their clothes at the Laundromat. Once, he'd found a twenty dollar bill. He's splurged on hamburgers and Oreos for him and Sammy that night and _real _Coca Cola, not the cheap, imitation stuff.

He smiled as he looked over at Sammy, who was making a list of all the things he wanted to buy. He shook his head and stood to go to the bathroom and almost walked into Ryan.

She gave him a shy smile. "Hi."

"Hi. You done with your homework?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nope, just came to get some water. I've got a big math test tomorrow."

The look on her face made him grin. It was a face of total disgust. "That bad?"

"Ugh, I hate math. I love to read, I love history, heck, I even like English class! But for the love of Christmas, don't make me do math!"

He laughed out loud. "I'm actually pretty good at math. Want me to help?" Math was his best subject. He was able to pick it up no matter how many times he missed school. He was a good reader, he just didn't like it, but English? He majorly sucked at English. History was fun, he liked learning about things that happened in the past. You never knew when you might need to know about the past to help with monster activity.

"Would you?" she asked before she hugged him. "Thank you, thank you!" she cried as she bounced up and down in his arms.

He smirked as she dashed away, back down the hall. _Wow. Well, that was…_yeah, he decided he liked her in his arms. Maybe tonight he could talk her into kissing him again.

He turned back to the sitting room. "Sam, I'm going to help Ryan with her math, okay?"

"Okay, Dean," Sam stated distractedly as he continued watching DuckTales.

Dean rolled his eyes and walked to Ryan's room.

He helped her with her math, she wasn't _that _terrible at it, then sat quietly, flipping through one of her Goosebumps books as she did her reading homework. "Is this supposed to be scary?" he asked as he threw the book down in distain.

She shrugged. "Doesn't scare me, but I guess so?"

He flipped around to lie on her bed. "You said you like Steven King movies? Which one is your favorite?"

"Cujo," she stated quickly.

"Wow. That took, like, two seconds. Why?"

She shrugged and sat her book down to look at him. "I dunno. I just like it. I've watched Christine, too."

"Dude! That was epic! But, man, if something ever possessed the Impala, I would freak. Can you imagine?"

She giggled. "I'm pretty sure ghosts don't possess cars, Winchester," she stated exasperatedly. "Only people, like Poltergeist. Now that was an awesome movie. Remind me not to go near any old Indian burial grounds anytime soon."

He eyed her. "Do you believe that stuff? Werewolves? Vampires? Ghosts?"

She thought a moment and shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, there's all these books about them and stuff. And, let's be real…if they wanted to hide, wouldn't it be better if they hid in plain sight? So, like, the first vampires wrote books like Dracula and stuff to throw people off their scent. If people _thought _they were fake, they would be able to hide better, because no one would be looking for them. Right?"

His mouth fell open. "Wow. Yeah, I mean, I thought that, too!"

She grinned.

Just then, they heard, "Kids! Dinner!"

Dean glanced at the lime green clock on her nightstand. "Dude, it's like, four thirty."

Ryan sighed. "I've got Girl Scouts tonight."

He smirked. "You got the cute little uniform and everything?"

She rolled her eyes. "As a matter of fact…"

"Would you wear it? Please?" He didn't know why he wanted to see her in it, he just wanted to.

She blushed prettily. "Okay," she murmured.

"Kids!" they heard again.

Suddenly, any hint of shyness was gone from her. "After dinner," she promised.

His eyes lit up and she giggled as she stood and held out a hand for him. "Come on, Dean." His heart made a swooping feeling as she used his first name. "Time to eat."

He looked at her hand uncertainly before he grasped it and she squeezed it as she led him back down the hall.

After an awesome dinner of roast and potatoes, and a sweet potato pie, which Dean had never had before, but loved as soon as it hit his tongue, he and Sam were sent outside to play so Mrs. Fawcett could clean up and Ryan could get ready for her meeting.

She came out of the house in her uniform and Dean let out a whistle. She had on a short skirt that showed just how long her legs were, even though she was still shorter than him, and a white button down shirt with a tan vest over the top with about a million and one patches on it.

He grinned as he saw her blush furiously and shake her head. "You wait until I get back, Winchester!" she called out daringly. "I'll show you how good at basketball I am!"

"How is that possible, shorty? You're shorter than Sam, and he sucks!"

"Hey!" Sammy shouted indignantly.

She giggled and they heard the minivan start. "I'll be back in two hours," she promised. "It should still be daylight enough for a quick game of H.O.R.S.E., and then I'll wipe the floor with your butt, Dean!"

"Promises, promises, shortcake!" he called after her.

Fifteen minutes later, Dean heard Mrs. Fawcett come home without Ryan, and since the boys were playing basketball, thought nothing of it as it got darker and darker. Finally, it was too dark to play anymore, and they went inside…where it was chaos. Ryan had vanished. One of the other moms was supposed to pick her up, but the troop leader had said she would take her home and now the leader and Ryan were both missing.

"Dad," Dean whispered, horrified as a thought crossed his mind. "She-she couldn't have been taken by the demon, could she?"

John didn't speak as he stood and made his way to the Impala. Dean followed after him and asked, "I'm right, aren't I, sir?"

John's face was grim as he got out his sawed off and his flask of holy water. "Yes, son, I'm afraid you might be."

"Why her?"

John shook his head. "I don't know." He paused and looked, really looked at Dean. "I'll find her."

"Promise?" Dean hated how young and small his voice sounded all of a sudden.

John nodded. "I swear it."

"Can I go?"

John shook his head again. "I called Bobby yesterday. He's meeting me here. I researched all day at the library. I have a good idea where the girls are being held. I was coming home to tell you when Eddie stopped me just inside the house. I didn't feel right leaving, but now, I'm certain that's where she is. What are the odds of anything else happening? You know I don't believe in coincidences."

"Why, sir? What do they want with little girls?"

John winced. "Son, I've done a crappy job of protecting you from the evil of the world. But trust me when I say this; you don't want to know. There are some things more horrifying than something supernatural. Human monsters can occasionally be even more terrifying than demons. But demonic monsters with men's desires…those are, without a doubt, the worst."

Dean paled. He'd had the sex talk. John had told him what it meant if and when the time came and a girl changed her mind or said no. He had also been told how some men didn't take no for an answer. "You don't think…?"

"I don't know," John answered. "But it's what my gut is telling me." He glanced at the house. "Eddie's rounding up a search party. It will be easy enough for me to slip out. Keep an eye on the house. On the off chance the demon decides to come here, be prepared."

"Should I salt the windows and doors?"

John shook his head. "No. Not with Elaine here. But take a bag into the sitting room. Gather up the salt in the house, too, just in case." Dean grabbed a half empty duffle from the back of the car and started putting things into it. John also gave Dean another of the shotguns and a large hunting knife. "Be safe." He handed his son one more item, his journal. Dean looked at him in awe. He'd never let Dean keep the journal before.

"Guard this with your life. If, on the off chance, you would need it, the exorcism incantation is in there. Familiarize yourself with it."

Dean assumed his dad must have it memorized since he didn't need to take it with him. "Dad…I've never even spoke those words."

"And now I see I've lacked in that aspect. You'll start Latin Monday."

Dean held in the groan and nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Look after Sammy. I'll be back as soon as I can." Dean watched with trepidation as his father cranked the car, shifted it in gear, and then drove away. Usually he felt confident when John left. Tonight, he felt like a scared little kid.

Dean squared his shoulders. He couldn't be scared. He had to protect Sammy and Mrs. Fawcett. That was his job. He hiked the duffle up onto his shoulder and took all of the gear he'd grabbed into the house.

A cursory glance around showed that the men had left for the search party, as well. Good. Mrs. Fawcett was sitting with another woman, who was hugging her. He left them alone and went in search of his brother.

"Dean?" Sammy asked as he walked back into the sitting room.

"Sammy, Dad's gone hunting, okay?"

Sam's eyes grew wide. "Here? Now?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, so, let's just stay outta everybody's way and hang out in here, okay?"

Sam didn't say anything, just sat back down on the small sofa and Dean joined him, bringing the journal with him. "Is that…?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, it is."

"Why you got it?"

"Dad said if we needed it, everything is in there."

"Wh-What will we need?"

Dean didn't answer. Instead, he opened the book and began to read.

An hour passed. Then two. And finally at the three hour mark, the police called. An anonymous tip had led them to a barn outside the town. All the girls had been murdered except Ryan, who miraculously looked unscathed. Her Girl Scout leader hadn't been quite so lucky, and she had been found in her car with her throat slashed.

Dean's eyes narrowed as the two police officers brought Ryan in. Elaine shuffled her in to the bathroom to take a steaming bath and quickly came back to offer her thanks to the two men. Dean muttered under his breath, "Christo," but when neither of them made any odd movements, he just figured his dad was letting the cops handle this aspect of Ryan's rescue. It still didn't explain why his dad wasn't back yet, but he figured John had decided to go have a celebratory drink with Bobby. Any other thoughts were unacceptable. Besides, there was no way a demon got the better of his dad _and_ Uncle Bobby.

Mrs. Fawcett turned to Dean and Sammy. "Dean, you go and get ready for bed. Oh, my goodness. Can you handle looking after your brother? I'll see to Ryan…"

Dean nodded and watched as she made her way out of the room to the bathroom at the end of the hall. He hadn't gotten the chance to see if Ryan was really alright. But he would check on her in a little bit.

He turned to his brother. "Okay, Sam. It's time for bed. Since they're in Ryan's bathroom, I guess we can just go to Mr. and Mrs. Fawcett's bathroom to brush our teeth and stuff."

Sam just huffed and stood from the sofa. Dean knew Sammy knew not to argue with him. John wasn't there, so Dean was parent at the moment. Both boys got ready for bed and Sammy was putting on his pajamas when it occurred to Dean he hadn't heard a peep from any of the house's other occupants in a while. "Sam, go ahead and watch a few minutes of TV. I wanna check on Ryan and her mom, okay?"

"Is it 'cuz you're in looooove with Ryan?"

Dean felt his cheeks turn pink, so, naturally, he narrowed his eyes and muttered, "Bitch," under his breath.

"Jerk," Sam called back cheerfully as he grabbed the remote control.

As Dean started down the hall, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He fervently wished he had gone against his dad's orders and salted all the doors and windows. Something just didn't feel right.

He reached the end of the hall and a shimmer caught his eye. A red shimmer. A pool of red; shimmering and growing on the floor from under the door. Blood. "Damn it!" he whisper-yelled. He backed slowly down the hall and waited, listening. He couldn't hear anything, so he wasn't sure what that meant. But a pool of blood coming out of a room with two people in it was never good. He made it to the door of the sitting room and said as calmly as he could, "Sammy, get the salt."

Sam's frightened face looked up. "Wh-why?"

Dean's mouth was dry. "I, uh, I think we've got a live one, bud."

"Dean…"

"Salt. Now," Dean snapped as he strode to his duffle where his shotgun and knife were waiting. He fingered the shotgun, and handed it over to Sammy. "Take this. Salt the windows and lay down a line across this door." He grabbed the can of spray paint he luckily had snagged from the trunk of his dad's car and tossed it to his brother. "Make a devil's trap." He'd read about them earlier. The book said if you drew the odd shapes, you could trap a demon. He only hoped his dad's journal was right.

"D-Dean, I-I've never made one! I don't even know what one looks like! What if I screw it up!?"

Dean closed his eyes as he tried to calm his racing heart. "Look, dude, just do it. If it doesn't work, at least we tried. Look in Dad's journal. It's in there, a picture of it, even. Draw it just like that. I know you're a good artist..."

"Are-are you sure?"

Dean heard movement in the other part of the house and he swallowed hard. "Look, I'm not sure of anything, Sammy, but I know we got something wicked in this house and we're the only two that can handle it."

"Stay here with me!" Sam whined.

Dean shook his head. "Either that demon scum is here to finish Ryan off, or it's got something creepier in mind. Either way, I gotta try to trap it so Dad can exorcise it."

"Dean! We can't take on a demon!"

"What choice do we have, Sammy?! Keep that gun trained on the door. If anything besides me comes through this door, you blast it full of salt. The book says that will help somehow. I don't know, but if Dad's book says it, it will work. Draw the devil's trap, listen for me. If I manage to get it, I'll have to bring it in here."

"O-okay, Dean."

Dean hated seeing his baby brother so scared, but he had to do this. They had to do this. They had to save Ryan if they could.

Dean tiptoed back down the hall and made it to the bathroom door. He opened it and gasped as he saw Mrs. Fawcett lying in a pool of her own blood. The tub was still running and the water was beginning to spill over the sides, making the red of her blood turn pink, turning the white floor into a garish pool. The knife shook, just ever so slightly in his hand as he felt a presence behind him, and it definitely was _not _Sammy. He turned quickly and stabbed blindly as Ryan flung him across the room.

Her eyes were black as the demon inside her peered out and they narrowed at the blade buried in her stomach. She pulled it out and tossed it to the floor. "Dean Winchester. Well, I would say it was an honor, but I would be lying."

"Wh-what do you want? How do you know me?" Dean demanded through his fear. How did the thing know his name?

She grinned. "Never mind that. Oh, but let me tell you, this little girl _does _have a thing for you."

"You-you get out of her, you freak!"

Demon-Ryan cackled and clapped her blood drenched hands together. "Oh, what would be the fun in that? Do you know what my little band of friends and I do to innocent little girls? It's so much fun. Why would I want that to end?"

She moved her way closer to him as she used her powers to pin him to the wall. "Do you know what Ryan dreamed about? She dreamed you would come rescue her. You would ride up on a white horse and save her. Isn't that sweet? As we were slicing her and tearing her apart from the inside out, all she wanted was for her knight in shining armor to rescue her." Her face turned mocking. "Guess she's more of a girly-girl than you thought, huh?" She lined her body with his as she whispered in his ear. "She's a sweet piece, Dean. If you play nice with me, I'll let you play with her."

"No!" Dean managed. "You leave her alone! She's innocent!"

"Ha!" The demon sauntered across the room, away from him. "She's not so innocent anymore. My boys and I made sure of that."

"You sick fuck!" Dean growled.

Demon-Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Oh, aren't you cute? Using big boy words and everything. Yes, Ryan was quite right to want you, to dream of you as a boyfriend. To think you could even be someone she could fall in love with. You've got heart, spirit. I think I would enjoy using your meat-suit, boy. Oh, the boss would be thrilled to know I had the Winchester brat…"

She opened her mouth and smoke began pouring out of her when they both heard, "Hey! Freak!"

The smoke went back into her and she narrowed her eyes as she turned to see Sammy standing there. "Hello, Sammy."

"Come get me!" he shouted as he ran back down the hall.

Her attention was diverted and Dean felt her grip on him slip as he slid down the wall to the floor. He scooped up the knife from the floor as he took off like a shot after his baby brother and the demon. "Sammy, no!" he shouted before he heard a scream.

He ran into the room to see her rooted to a spot on the floor standing on a rug. "Dean! It worked!" Sammy shouted in pride.

"Dude. You put down a devil's trap and hid it under a rug? Genius!" Dean grinned at him, proud of his brother.

"You two little brats!" the demon shouted.

Dean turned toward the demon. "Oh, we're not just brats. We're the brats that are going to send you straight to hell." He held out his hand. "Give me Dad's journal."

"D-Dean…are you sure you can exorcise her? Shouldn't we wait for Dad?"

Dean shook his head. "Ryan's in there, Sam. I stabbed her in the gut. And from what the demon said, they-they did…things to her. She needs a doctor before it's too late. Lemme try, please?" He hated the pleading tone of his voice, but he just _had _to save this girl. She called for him, wanted him to save her. He had to try.

Sammy's hands were shaking as he handed over their father's journal. "O-okay, Dean. I trust you."

Dean looked until he found the appropriate page, cleared his throat, and began. "Ex-Exorcizamus te omini im-imundis spiritus, omis…"

The demon cackled again. "Come on, boy. You've gotta _feel _it. Do you really want to save this bitch I'm riding?"

Dean's voice grew louder and stronger. "Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis iegio, omnis congretatio et secta diabolica…"

The demon started shaking her head side to side and Dean could see the black smoke beginning to ooze out of her.

"Ergo, draco maiedicte, ecciesiam tuam securi tibi facias iiberatate servire, te rogamus!"

With that, the black smoke started pouring from her and Dean sneered. "Adios, bitch."

Ryan crumpled to the floor and Dean yelled, "Sammy, call 911!"

"What do I tell them, Dean?"

"Make up something. Make it good." He crawled into the devil's trap and put Ryan's head in his lap. "Ryan? Sweetheart, come on. Come back to me." It was then he noticed the blood flowing from her, from almost everywhere it seemed. "Come on, Ryan. Wake up."

Her eyes fluttered open. "D-Dean?"

He blew out a relieved breath. "Yeah, Ry, I'm here."

"You're here? You really saved me?"

He nodded. "It was a demon. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"S'okay," she slurred. "I remember…"

"Shhhh, don't talk, okay? It's fine. You'll be fine…"

"N-no, don't think so," she managed.

"Sure you will. You'll be up before you know it. You still have to kick my ass at basketball, right?"

"S-sorry. Raincheck?"

He felt something warm and wet sliding down his face. He sniffled. "Yeah, okay. But you owe me, Fawcett."

"S-sure, D-Dean…"

"Ryan? Ryan!" he yelled as he shook her. He could hear the ambulances in the distance.

* * *

"Sam! Dean!" Dean heard his father shout.

"That's my dad," he said flatly to the officer questioning him.

The officer shot him a look, but didn't speak as he stepped aside and John strode into the crime scene. "Boys!"

"Dad!" Sammy shouted and ran to hug him. Dean held back though, out of respect. He had long quit asking for hugs from his father. He wouldn't put on a show for these people.

"What happened?" John demanded.

"Your sons saved a girl's life, sir," the police officer stated.

John's brows knit. "What happened?" he asked again.

"Some big dude broke in the house," Sammy began excitedly. "Dean and me hid. He didn't know we were here. He hurt Ryan and killed Mrs. Fawcett. He left and me and Dean called 911."

John's eyebrow rose and his eyes cut to Dean, who nodded. John blew out a breath. "Well, that's…that's some tale."

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" The cop didn't seem like he bought the story, but Dean had tried to sell it as best he could. It was plausible, he supposed. The cop gave John his card and said they would be in touch and left the Winchesters alone on the lawn.

"What really happened?" John whispered as soon as the man was out of earshot.

Dean quickly went into explaining what actually happened and John's eyes grew. "You boys mean to tell me you not only laid a devil's trap, but you exorcised a demon?"

"Y-yes sir," Dean stated, somewhat frightened. Had they not done the right thing?

To his surprise, John grabbed them both up into a hug. "You did good work today, boys. Without you, I'm sure that little girl would be dead."

"Dad, did you and Uncle Bobby get the others?"

John nodded. "That's why I wasn't back here sooner. There were two others. Bobby chased one, I chased the other. And you boys got the third one. Tonight is a victory against those evil sons of bitches."

Dean thought about the girl with the now-ruined life, hanging on by a thread. He'd heard what the paramedics had said. Severe internal injuries. Broken bones out the wazoo. Possible sexual assault. No, he wasn't sure Ryan would feel it was a victory. And somewhere deep in his heart, he counted it as a loss.

**AN2: How we doing, guys? Still with me? Next chapter is a bit heavy, too. It gets kinda fun after that. For a while, at least. LOL. Then it gets weird. *grin* **


	3. Let Me Put My Love Into You

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Supernatural or Dean Winchester. Man, do I wish I did! Especially after this past season. :) **

**DISCLAIMER TWO: Trigger Warnings ahead toward the end for brief discussions of torture and rape. Just a warning. It isn't graphic.**

AN: So…just FYI, for the role of adult Ryan Fawcett I'm picturing Danneel. I mean, we already know she has awesome chemistry with Jensen, LOL, and honestly, by the time I'm finished with this story, you'll think she was the perfect actress to "play" Ryan.

* * *

TEN YEARS LATER

Dean rubbed the chrome of the Impala with an old rag, making it shine. "Like that, don't ya, Girl? One day, Baby, you'll be mine. Dad will have to give you up eventually. Then it's just you and me on the open road. Ganking sons of bitches and killing anything evil in our path."

Just then, John emerged from the hotel room. "Got us a case."

Dean looked up and grinned. "Great. Where?"

"North Carolina."

Dean felt the pang in his chest. There had been a lot of people saved since that fateful night, but only one had cut him deeply like not being able to save Ryan. "Where, sir?"

"Appalachian State University. Sounds like a ghost."

"Terrific," Dean deadpanned. "Some spook scaring co-eds? Well, I guess I'm game."

John just looked at him. "We are going to do a job, not chase skirts, son. Think you can keep the two straight and use your brain?"

Dean grinned. "Yes, sir. That doesn't mean I can't use other things while I'm there."

"When the case is finished," John reminded him.

Dean nodded. "Absolutely, sir."

John sighed. "Let's get moving."

The drive took ten hours from where they were in Ohio, but when they switched off driving in the early afternoon, it allowed them to arrive at the college in time for classes to be finished and students to be milling around for dinner.

Dean stood from the car and whistled as he saw a group of girls in short-shorts. It was still cool in the North Carolina Mountains for it to be May, but these girls didn't seem to care about their comfort as they showed off gorgeous long legs.

John cleared his throat and Dean focused on his father. "I'll go in, speak to campus security. You…scout."

Dean's eyes lit up and John reprimanded, "The case, Dean. Ghost. Possible Vengeful Spirit? Dead people? Ring any bells?"

"My bells are ringing, alright," he muttered under his breath, but to his father, he just nodded and "Yes sir'd" him.

They agreed to meet up a few hours later at one of the campus bars and they went their separate ways. Dean's eyes lit on a group of girls standing around talking and he grinned as he headed their way. This could prove to be fun…

* * *

Three hours later, Dean sighed as he plopped his ass onto a chair at one of the small tables in Hooligans, one of the local's haunts. The song changed from some bubble gum pop to "Smooth" and Dean had to admit, some of Carlos Santana's choices for his re-do album weren't half bad. It wasn't terrific, but, hey, he could still kill the fuck out of a guitar solo.

The waitress came over and he asked for a beer. She shot him a look and he grinned as he pulled out his driver's license. Finally, he was legal to drink without the use of a fake ID. Not that the ID he showed off was real, but at least he didn't need it, per se. She nodded and told him she would be right back.

He blew out a breath as he waited and reflected his day. Most of it had been a waste of time. He'd heard quite a lot of interesting stories, but none that really sounded like their kind of thing, just stupid urban legend crap. He had also acquired a few telephone numbers, but that information, he would keep to himself.

The waitress came back over and dropped his beer off and Dean gave her an appreciative grin. She smirked and muttered, "Taken," to which he just shrugged. There were plenty of fish in the sea. And this sea of co-eds was bountiful. He sipped his beer and glanced around, waiting. John would come along when he was good and ready. Dean was used to waiting for his father.

He peopled watched a few minutes, noticing some of the happy groups of friends gabbing at the table next to him. He sighed. Sammy was already talking about wanting to go to college. He just knew that was going to be a disaster. John would never allow Sam that far out of his sight and they couldn't just sit on their asses four years waiting for Sam to graduate. Sam was headstrong in ways Dean would never be. He couldn't understand why his younger brother couldn't just go with what their dad said. John had never given them a reason to doubt his word, no matter what the issue. Why was this any different? Besides, did he really _need _to go to college? The kid was smart, smarter than Dean, most definitely, but their lives were going to be short. You didn't live to be an old man if you were a hunter. What was the point of going to college if you were just going to die young anyway? Dean had the feeling Sam wanted out of the family biz and that just wouldn't work. John would never let him walk away. And why would he even want to? This was their life now. Maybe, a few years ago, Dean would have agreed with Sammy, but now, he'd gotten a taste, the thrill of the hunt, and he liked it. Maybe that made him a bad person, he wasn't sure.

He took a swig of his beer and noticed a gorgeous girl walk in. She seemed wary, the way hunters often were, and he briefly wondered what was causing her to be so cautious. She walked over to start a conversation with the waitress who had delivered his beer. It was the way she held herself, he decided, that intrigued him. Like she was prepared to be jumped at any second. He briefly wondered if maybe there _was _something here and they weren't the only hunters in town.

Just then, he caught sight of his father walking in and sat up a bit straighter. He knew John would want a full report. He waited for his father to slip into the chair across from him and held up a hand for the waitress to bring over two beers before he said, "Sorry, Dad. I found nothing but dead ends. There was a girl killed, apparent stabbing, but I'm not convinced it's our kind of thing."

"The phone call I received says otherwise," John bit out.

"Did you find anything?" Dean inquired.

John nodded. "A few things, actually." He tipped his head in thanks as the waitress sat the beer down in front of him. He took a swig and waited for her to move on to the next table before he spoke. "Couple of people have seen and heard of a ghost. Some lonely college student killed herself over on Howard's Knob about twenty years ago, another about five. Looks like we'll have to pull up Microfiche and check the papers."

"Great. Research." That was usually Sammy's job, but Dean had begged to let Sam stay with Pastor Jim. He was in high school now and a hell of a lot smarter than Dean. If Sammy _were _going to go to college, then, Dean supported him. Besides, if he wanted a full ride, (which would be the _only _way John would probably even agree to college in the first place) then, he needed to stay in school and get decent grades. This skipping was too hard on Sam. Surprisingly, John had agreed. Sam had been sad to see them leave, but Dean knew his brother well enough to know Sam was relieved to be staying behind and concentrating only on school work instead of researching monsters.

"It's what helps us in our jobs, Dean. You don't have to like it. You just have to do it."

Dean checked his watch. "Library's closed now, Dad. Wanna break in, or wait for morning?"

"Excuse me," they heard a soft, feminine, slightly southern accent start.

Dean turned to find the pretty brunette standing there, the one he'd noticed earlier that moved like a hunter. She was around 5' 7", with dark, reddish brown hair that hung in soft waves down her back, whiskey colored eyes and a small smile showing off perfect white teeth. She was dressed conservatively in a long sleeve plaid shirt over a ribbed tank and a sweater wrapped around her waist by its sleeves. She had on a pair of those delectable short-shorts and hiking boots on her feet. She looked like one of the hippie chicks he'd noticed while scouting the campus as she hiked her backpack further up her arm. Well, hell, hippie or not, he was game. He put on his patented panty-dropping smile. "Hey, sweetheart. Want a drink?"

She rolled her eyes and ignored him as she turned to John. "Are you John Winchester?"

Both men sat up a little straighter, suspicious. "Who wants to know?" John asked guardedly.

Her eyes held disbelief for a moment before she gasped. "It _is _you!" And before either of the men could react, she had thrown her arms around John. "I knew I would eventually see you again."

"I'm sorry, princess, who are you?" Dean questioned, caution, he felt sure was written all over his face. She moved like a hunter and she knew them. This was causing his spidey senses to tingle a bit.

She turned back to him and smiled with a funny look on her face. "Dean? You're definitely Dean. Where is Sam? Is he here?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweetheart, back the truck up. Who are you and how do you know us?" Dean demanded gruffly.

She shook her head and sighed. "Maybe you don't remember me. I'm sure you go around saving people all the time. I'm Ryan. Ryan Fawcett."

And just like that, Dean's world kind of crashed around him. "Wh-what?" He hadn't realized…he really thought she'd died. They'd booked it out of North Carolina before the cops could come and question them anymore that night, so he had never gotten to see her. He wondered if she had felt abandoned by him. It had bothered him more than he cared to admit.

She smiled and pulled a chair up to their table. "Ryan. Fawcett. You saved my life? Excised a demon from me. We were eleven. Any of this sounding familiar?"

Dean blinked. "O-of course I remember. I just…wow." She grew up. Into a beautiful woman. _Holy shit._

He was still trying to recover when she looked over at John and smiled. "Is he always this verbose?"

John chuckled under his breath, much to Dean's surprise. John rarely smiled and never chuckled. Clearly this girl was something special if she could get John Winchester to crack. Or maybe, he was like Dean, and glad to see someone they'd actually saved. They didn't often meet many people after the fact. It was refreshing, to say the least. "What can we do for you, Ryan?"

"Well, I assume you're here because of the ghost?"

John nodded. "What do you know of it?"

She bit her lip and looked around. "Not here. Come back with me to my place. We can talk in private."

She stood and waited for them. John gave Dean a little "Why not?" shrug of his shoulders and they too, stood. Dean threw some cash down on the table and they followed her outside

She went and propped herself against a beautiful black Ford Falcon. If Dean were to guess, he would say…1965 model? Dean let out a low whistle. "Damn. She's a beauty."

She let out a snort. "Even though she's a Ford?"

She wasn't wrong…Chevy's were the best. "Hey, you said it, not me."

She laughed and it was an airy sort of sound that traveled to his gut. "Yeah, well, she's not an Impala, I guess," Ryan conceded.

"She yours?"

She nodded as her fingers trailed the glossy black paint and Dean had to control himself. That simple act shouldn't be seductive, but it was. "She was my grandfather's. He never had the money to fix her up and Daddy never had the inclination to sell her, so now she's mine."

Dean lightly fingered the shiny black paint, himself. He couldn't help it. "Well, she's gorgeous." _Like her owner, _he thought. _The things I could do to you on this car…_he gave himself a mental headshake. _Dude. The case. Get your mind out of your pants for a minute. _But she was gorgeous. Both the beautiful ladies before him were.

She smiled. "Thanks. You wanna follow me? My apartment isn't far."

"Sure, Ryan," John told her. "Just lead the way."

She shot them both a smile and Dean watched as those long legs disappeared into the car. She cranked it and he let out a moan of ecstasy as he heard the vehicle's V-8 engine roar and he grinned as suddenly, "Let Me Put My Love Into You" blasted out of it before she shut her door. _Fuck_, he thought as he discreetly adjusted himself.

He looked over the Impala at his dad, who grinned. "Well, she's got good taste in music."

Dean laughed and they both slipped into the car and quickly took off after her.

They followed her back to a modest apartment building. The drive didn't take long because Dean heard "You Shook Me (All Night Long)" by the time he got out of the Impala and began walking towards her car. He would love a chance to get behind the wheel of it. He briefly wondered if she had done any of the work on it herself. She didn't seem the type, but, then, she didn't seem the type to like classic cars and decent rock music, either. She cut the engine and was looking through a bag, singing under her breath when he made it to her now open door. Her voice was soft, melodic, and the breathy quality with which she was singing was doing nothing to help his attraction to her.

She turned to get out and gasped to find him standing before her. He hadn't realized he'd snuck up on her, though, with the engine and the blaring music, it wasn't a surprise he'd managed it. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he muttered.

She took a few deep, cleansing breaths before she shook her head. "No damage done, you just shocked me. You move like a ninja."

He grinned. "And you didn't hear me because of your selection of music." He paused. "Nice tunes, by the way," he offered.

She shot him a wry smile. "I figured you would enjoy that, _Mr. Young._"

"Damn it, Dean," his father groused from behind him and Dean winced. "Can you quit with the rock aliases?"

Dean smiled and shrugged as he turned to his father. "Come on, Dad. It was some chick that I was talking to earlier. She looked like you had to pump her head with air for her to have a thought. No way she even knew _who _the hell Angus Young was."

"He's right, Mr. Winchester," Ryan stated softly. Both men turned to her and she chuckled. "Wendi is more of an *NSYNC fan, so, I'm sure she wouldn't know good music if it fell on her and started to wiggle."

Both men chortled at that. "Don't tell me you like those hacks," Dean began.

She looked at him a moment in thought before she said, "Nah, I'm more of a Backstreet girl."

His mouth fell open in surprise and she laughed as she laid a hand on his arm. "I'm kidding! I like music with soul. Not this crap you can't even appreciate. It's all fake now, just like cars. Plastic and cheap metal. What ever happened to the good shit, you know?"

"Exactly!" Dean crowed as she led them to the last door on the first floor. "I mean, it's all these synthesizers and voice edits and don't even get me started on what a joke these fake musicians are."

She nodded as she unlocked three deadbolts and led the way into her place. "I know. I mean, seriously, they can't even play any musical instruments!"

Dean looked down and grinned at the salt lining the doorway and stepped into and out of a devil's trap. He looked up to find her watching him. "Want us to drink holy water?"

She smirked. "You already did. I spiked your beers when Christa wasn't looking. Had to make sure you were you before I walked over. I didn't recognize you. Ten years made you grow up, Winchester. But your dad, he hasn't changed a bit."

"Nice place you've got, Ryan. Secure," John commented as he, too, stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

"Yeah, well, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Tangling with demons once in my life was once too many."

She said it so matter-of-factly that Dean winced. To cover it, he said, "So, you know about how to protect yourself. What else have you learned?"

"I figured out you are hunters, well, Mr. Winchester, you are. I naturally assumed you were, too, Dean. But where is Sammy?"

"He's finishing up this year of high school. So he's with a friend," John answered.

She nodded. "Good. I'm glad he's…alive."

Dean chuckled flatly at that. "Yeah, alive is always good, isn't it?"

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment before she walked to the small kitchen area and grabbed two more beers from the fridge. "Here, since you didn't finish yours." She snagged a bottle of water and took a sip before she began, "So, I've done some research, and I think I know who and what this is. But, since I'm not a hunter, I thought I'd better let you handle it. I'm the one that called you, Mr. Winchester."

"John," he stated absently. "But it's good you called me. You don't need to get hurt, Ryan," he told her.

She shrugged. "Too late for that. I'm the ghost's type. I'm just waiting for it to come get me."

"What?!" Dean exclaimed. "Are you serious? Why didn't you lead with that, damn it?"

She just looked at him. "What difference does that make? You're here, I'm here, I've got research done, it ends up being the same thing. Hell, use me for bait if you want, I don't care."

"Why?" Dean demanded.

She shrugged once more. "Nothing. Never mind. Let me show you what I have…"

She spent the next hour going over what she had found. She had narrowed it down to two possible vengeful spirits. She admitted she wasn't certain how to end a ghost, though, so they filled her in on salting and burning the bones.

"So…how do we know who it is?" she asked as she finished giving her report. Dean couldn't help but be surprised and amazed at the girl. She had handled things calmly and professionally. She would make one hell of a hunter if she chose to. And now, seeing the way she moved, realizing who she was, what she already knew, all the puzzle pieces fit into place. She basically _was _a hunter, or at least, someone that knew enough about the supernatural world to be wary of everything else.

He watched her glance at her papers spread out on the table. "Michael Jeffries had a beef with a woman who cheated on him with his best friend, killed her and her twin sister for grins and giggles. And then Richard Monroe killed a woman for basically the same thing, also slashing up his secretary just because he felt like it. All the women were brunettes. Once a decade, two brunettes are killed. The cops haven't made a connection because the last two deaths were ten years ago. The only reason I made the connection at all is because of the woman murdered two nights ago. We've got until tomorrow night to figure out who it is, or I'm next."

"Why you?" Dean asked.

She snagged his beer and took a sip, much to his chagrin. He wasn't used to women being as…he didn't know what. Ryan was throwing him off his game and he couldn't pinpoint why. She was forward but she was shy. She was confident, but she seemed insecure. And what was with the mixed signals? Ignoring him in the bar and now drinking his beer?

She winced slightly. "God, this sucks. I've got Jack Daniels. Who wants whiskey?" At their looks, she smirked and turned to reach up into a cabinet and pulled down a bottle. He watched as she poured some into three coffee mugs and quickly drank one down. "Who knows?" she answered as she turned back to them. "Maybe because I remind him of his honey. Maybe because I'm living alone…"

"But, you don't have a boyfriend, do you? Much less two? That doesn't fit the profile." _Please, for the love of _God _do not have a boyfriend…_not that he would bang her tonight. Well, maybe. If she was willing, and they managed to burn this spirit to the ground…it was something to think about.

She shot Dean a look. "Thanks for noticing I'm a social pariah, Winchester. That's not what I meant."

He winced as she pulled out the pictures of the other victims. He would have to apologize for that comment. He hadn't meant it like that. He was just stating a fact. Right? A glance around the room didn't show any guy stuff, so she didn't have anyone living with her of the male persuasion. And if she _did _have a boyfriend, wouldn't he _be _here since a ghost had the hots for her?

"Look at these women, then look at me. We. Look. Identical. And the other girl, Mandy, that was killed? She and I look so much alike, even our friends confuse us, and have, more than once. Of course, then she opened her mouth and people realized she was a dumbass, and I'm brilliant, but, hey, it's outside packaging."

Dean chuckled. _Well, at least she knows how good she is. _

Dean could see John thinking before he stated, "So, he's basing it on looks, not anything else."

She nodded. "Exactly."

"Well, that's it, isn't it?" Dean couldn't contain his excitement. He'd figured it out. It all made sense, when you thought about it. The other two looked at him. "It's got to be Jeffries. He killed his wife and her twin. So, if it's based on looks, it's got to be him."

John shut the book he was looking at with a snap. "Exactly. I'll go break into the library, see if I can find out where he's buried. Dean, you stay with her," he tacked on as he stood.

"Why?" Dean asked. Not that he minded, he just figured the old man would want him to handle the digging. That was usually his job. Wasn't that why Dean was the grunt?

"Why?" Ryan wanted to know in chorus with Dean.

"Because Dean knows how to handle vengeful spirits and you don't, Ryan. Because he's dealt with them before. And because you asked for our help." He turned to the door. "We're going to get a few supplies, Ryan. We'll be right back. Round up all the salt you have and anything iron, too. Dean'll be back in shortly."

Both men walked to the Impala and Dean began, "I could go in your stead, Dad."

John shook his head. "Nah. I got this. Stay. Watch her. Be on guard until I call you to say it's done, alright?"

Dean nodded. "Yes, sir." He grabbed his shotgun, extra salt shells, a bag of salt, one of the two tire irons, and after waving off his father, walked back to the apartment deep in thought.

He hadn't mentioned the fact that they had saved this girl's live once before, but Dean wondered what John thought about it. He was still floored by the revelation, that the girl he'd thought he watched die was alive and kicking, _and beautiful, but don't focus on that, Dean. _He wondered what she had gone through, what horrors she had survived there. He'd never met anyone that had been possessed and it freaked him out a bit, to be honest. Demons weren't something they tangled with very often. His dad was hell-bent on finding the thing that killed their mom, but usually they handled monsters. Werewolves, spirits, witches, not demons. They hadn't tangled with demon often since that fateful night and somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if their father had done that on purpose, kept them away from demons. It was something to think about.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and stepped inside her apartment. He flipped the locks, checked the salt line once more, then walked to the small kitchen to find Ryan pulling something out of the freezer.

"You like pizza?" she asked.

He noticed she had sat her backpack on the countertop and it was wide open revealing an iron fire poker, two salt cellars, and a flask he'd bet money had holy water in it. Huh. He grinned. She was good. Even if she wasn't a hunter. "Yeah, pizza's great."

It took a few minutes for the pizza to cook so he went about checking her wards, impressed by the job she had done to secure herself. The odds of the ghost finding its way in to hurt her were slim to none, but that didn't mean he wasn't cautious as he laid a salt circle for her to jump into, just in case, before he sat at the small kitchen table with the gun sitting next to him.

Her eyebrow rose as she brought the pizza over. "Well, you're certainly making me feel all secure, Dean," she deadpanned.

He chuckled. "Can't be too careful, Ryan." He held up one of the rounds. "Salt round. Good for shooting demons or ghosts. It won't make the ghost stay away, but it'll blast their asses apart for a few minutes."

"Good to know."

They ate in silence for a few moments before a clock chimed somewhere with a soft tune. His brow furrowed. "Is that 'Unchained Melody'?"

She smiled. "Yeah. I got the clock at an auction. It's pretty."

"You've, uh, got a nice place. It doesn't look like a college student's apartment."

Her eyebrow rose. "You mean what with all the salt lines and devil's traps?"

He chuckled. "No, that part looks like someone who's prepared. I'd feel safe sleeping here."

She nodded. "It's my safe haven."

"Are you scared a lot?" _Shit! Don't ask her that! _He blinked. "What I mean is, I don't often get to talk to people after…all that, you know?"

She paused a moment and then shook her head. "No. I'm…I'm not scared. I was, I was terrified for years. But then I started reading and researching demons. And then I found out ways to stay safer." She pulled a necklace out from under her shirt. "I found this, it's supposed to be an anti-possession sigil."

He admired the pendant. It looked like a pentagram star with fire blazing around it. "It's pretty."

She snorted. "One of the really religious girls saw it one day and flipped her shit, thought I was a devil worshiper. Little does she know I'm about as far from devil worship as I can get."

He grinned. "Not a lot of people understand it. And they don't really want to, do they?"

She shook her head. "People want to pretend true evil doesn't exist. We know better."

"I'm not sure if that makes us better off or not," he admitted.

She laid her hand on his arm. "I dunno, I'd rather know what's out there, myself. At least if I know what may be laying in wait, I can be prepared. Not being prepared…well, I know it isn't what got me kidnapped, but it just seems like those monsters wouldn't attack if they thought everyone knew about them, you know?"

He laid his hand on top of hers. "I wish we could to back in time and fix it, Ryan. I wish we could just…"

"Don't," she whispered as a tear ran down her face. "Don't, Dean. We can't change it and we can't fix it. One of the things my therapists drilled into my head was 'you can't change the past. You can only accept it and move on.' That's what I've done. Accepted it and moved on."

He eyed her thoughtfully. Had she? Had she really moved on? He didn't want to sound like Oprah, but he had the distinct impression she wasn't living her life, not really. But he wasn't a chick-flick kind of guy. Well, with the exception of Thelma and Louise, but that was self explanatory. And he would never admit to watching Steel Magnolias. It was just…on…and Julia Roberts was hot. Enough said.

He cleared his throat. "So, college girl, what are you going for?"

She shrugged. "I'm just going for my MBA. Nothing exciting. I just figured if I went into business, I could do whatever I wanted." She snorted. "At least I'm not taking Psychology. Although, God knows, with all the therapy I've had, I'm an expert in the field."

It wasn't funny, it really wasn't, but he couldn't help the chuckle. "Do you do that a lot?"

"What? Self depreciating humor?" She grinned. "It's my best coping mechanism."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean." He did the same thing on almost a daily basis. Sometimes the only way to handle shit was to laugh about it.

They were both quiet a moment before they realized he was still holding her hand. She pulled it away as if surprised at herself and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so he asked, "How's your dad? I bet he's really proud of you being in college."

She wiped her mouth with her napkin and stated solemnly, "He died. About three years ago."

"I'm sorry," he told her softly. And he really was. He'd seen the damage of her mother's death. He could only imagine what it was like to be alone in the world. Thankfully he still had his dad and Sammy.

She took in a breath. "Yeah, heart attack. No one was expecting it. After…after Mom died, it was hard, you know? I mean, your wife's killed, your daughter's crazy, people talked. We moved to another town. Once I was high-school age, I did all my schooling through a correspondence course he found. Anything practical he found me a tutor for. I…I wasn't ready to be around teenagers. I couldn't cope and they couldn't handle having a freak in their classes, so I just…faded away." She sucked in a breath. "When Dad died, it…freed me in a way. He was my crutch. Once he wasn't here to keep me tethered, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself." She shrugged. "I went a little wild, then, I decided to make something of my life."

He had thought about her often, the girl the same age as him, whose life had been fucked over by demons. He wondered how she coped, and listening to her now, he wasn't one hundred percent sure she had. There was a hardness, a coldness to her words, like she was emotionally detached from everyone and everything. It made him sad. "That's good," Dean offered, eventually, unsure what to say.

She sighed. "Are we in for the night? I think I might shower and get comfy."

He nodded. "Yeah, Dad will call me when it's done, so you're good."

She put her hand on his arm one more time. "Thanks, Dean. Really."

He smiled. "My pleasure." He watched her get up and walk away. He blew out a breath. No, they might have saved her life that night, but he wasn't sure they did her any favors. It wasn't the first time he wondered if maybe those that had been possessed wouldn't be better off dead. They remembered, sometimes, being a demon. And if they remembered doing bad shit, then, was it really saving their lives if they had to live with the guilt? The despair of knowing you'd done some terrible things? Could you ever forgive yourself enough for that?

He stood and glanced around. She had a clean space, neat, everything in its place, but not in an OCD kind of way, so that was…healthy, he guessed. There was a picture of her with her mom and dad, probably close to the age he had met her again. There was also a picture that made his heard pound harder…one of Mrs. Fawcett and Mary, with baby Ryan and baby Dean, sitting on the front porch of a house, he assumed was the Fawcett's in Lawrence, Kansas. They had huge smiles on their faces and looked so innocent and young. He turned away as his eyes burned with unshed tears. No, it might have been hard for her, but saving this connection to his mom was the right thing to have done at the time.

His eyes lit on the bookshelf and he saw a familiar book…the photo book, the one Mrs. Fawcett had shown him that day at their house. The pictures with his mom in it. He ran his fingers over the spine of it. He couldn't bring himself to look at it again, but that was okay, he had memorized each picture that day, anyway.

He decided while she was showering he could clean up their mess, so he straightened up her little kitchen, washing her dishes, putting them away. He opened her fridge and smiled as he saw the grape sodas lining the wall. He hadn't forgotten they were her favorite. He helped himself to one, then toed off his boots and sat down on the couch to flip on the boob tube.

When she emerged, his nose was assaulted by the scent of honeysuckle, and he was ashamed to admit how the fragrance affected him. He had to force himself to calm down before he embarrassed either of them. He was momentarily taken back to that time, to his first kiss, to the innocence they both had. She came around and sank next to him on the sofa as if she was carrying the weight of the world around on her shoulders and he briefly wondered if maybe she wasn't doing that very thing.

He glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye. She had on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a tank top. He was trying not to stare at her rack when something caught his eye and his hand snaked out in a flash. "What did you do?!" he cried as he looked at her arm.

She blinked and pulled away from him. "What?"

He grabbed her arm once more, none too gently, and flipped it over, thumbing the rope of a scar going down the length of it. An inspection of her other arm revealed the same scarring. He knew what those were. Suicide scars. She'd tried to end her life, and judging by the size of the marks, she had almost accomplished it. "What the fuck did you do?"

She shoved him away and stood. "It's none of your fucking business, Dean."

"I didn't save your life just for you to kill yourself, Ryan!" he bellowed as he also stood. He wasn't sure why the thoughts of her trying to kill herself hurt him so badly.

"It is none of your business, Dean!" she screamed again. "I'm fucked up, okay? And I have been! Ever since I was eleven! Do you think you did me any favors? Left me with memories of killing my mother? Left me with memories of what those-those things _did _to me? Monsters are real and everyone thought I was batshit crazy! I was on every single medication under the sun for _years_ before I finally had enough of it!" Her voice grew softer and he saw a tear slip down her face. "I had enough of it. The memories, the pain, the anger, the hurt, the…"

She sucked in a hiccough. "Look, I don't expect you to understand. I'm…I'm broken, Dean. I'm a disabled unit. I can't have kids. I can't even stand for a man to be near me, to…touch me even in the most innocent of ways, let alone be intimate. I thought, maybe, once…"

She paused, seeming to decide if she wanted to open up this much to him before she continued. "I got doped up, high as a kite on ecstasy and thought maybe I could…" She huffed out a breath. "He was hovering over me and I just couldn't deal." She was silent for a moment before she admitted, "I hurt him, broke his arm and three of his ribs before I'd realized it…" She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, she was staring right at him. "I'm ruined, Dean. So, I tried to end it. Sue me."

"You didn't die."

She snorted. "No, no I didn't die. I almost did. The doctors..." She shook her head. "One of the nurses said I must have a guardian angel watching over me. To which I call bullshit. If I did, none of that stuff in that barn, or what followed, would have happened. But it did. And now I'm a shell of a person, alive, but not living."

"You said you were fine…" he started.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, you know what F.I.N.E. stands for, right? Fucked up. Insecure. Neurotic. And Emotional. I'd say that sums me up nicely."

They stood there, faced off, breathing hard, when his cell rang. "What?!" he shouted into it.

"Curb the attitude, Dean," his father stated angrily, causing Dean to blink. "I'm sorry you couldn't go get a piece of ass because we were saving this girl's life_._ I salted and burned the bones."

Dean winced. He'd pay for snapping at John, even if his anger wasn't directed at his father. "Did he put up a fight?"

"Eh, not too much. I'm fine. My head is harder than that ghost's wallop. Tell Ryan she should be fine. I'm going to the hotel. Can you find your own way or do I need to come pick you up?"

He should have his father come pick him up. He shouldn't _want _to stay with this angry, damaged girl, but he couldn't make himself say the words. "Yes, sir. Thank you. I'll…I'll find a way."

"Meaning you aren't in for the night. Fine. Just don't make me a grandfather, Dean," John warned.

Dean looked at the furious woman who was now pacing by the window. "Don't worry about it, Dad. See you later." He snapped the phone shut, and to Ryan, said, "He salted and burned the bones. You should be fine now."

"Thanks," she bit out.

He walked to her and stood, just touching her, behind her. His fingers itched to wrap themselves around her arms, her body, he couldn't help himself. She was driving him crazy. He wanted nothing more than to peek inside that mind and see how it ticked. "Look," he started softly, "I've thought about you every day since that night. I'm sorry I failed."

She spun around and slapped him in the face. "Fuck you, Dean. What those monsters did, it wasn't on you. It wasn't on your father. It was them. _They _chose to take me. _They _did those awful things. _It _chose to-to possess me. That's fine, I accept that. And you…you saved my life. I…I may not fully appreciate that fact, but one day I will. So, I'm sorry. I don't expect you to understand what it's like for me."

She turned back around to look at the inky night. "I'm terrified, but at the same time, nothing scares me. I walk alone every night, just listening to the quiet. Half the time I'm praying something _will _try to kill me, and honestly, half of me hopes it does. I want to be normal so badly, but I know I never will be. And maybe one day, that will be okay, too."

He wasn't a man comfortable with his emotions. John Winchester wasn't a hugger, so neither were his boys, but he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair, marveling at the fact she didn't tense, and instead, relaxed into him. He was incapable of stepping away now. "You lived for a reason, Ryan. Twice. Now, I don't believe in angels and fate and all that crap, but I do believe there is something out there bigger than us. And maybe, just maybe, it wants you alive for some reason. For some great purpose."

"What does it want you for?" she questioned softly.

He chuckled. "Well, to save people, to kill things that go bump in the night, to be the man every woman dreams of…"

They shared a laugh at that and she leaned into him further. "You know, this is the closest I've ever let a man near. For a while there, I couldn't even stand for my father to hug me. Why is it I'm so comfortable around you?"

He turned her then and she opened her eyes to look at him. Her eyes were like windows into her soul. That old saying was true. He could see everything in them. Hurt, anger still, confusion, and what he searched for the most; desire. It was all there for him to see. "I saved your life, Ryan. I would never hurt you. I saved you. I'll save you a million times if I need to."

She stood on tip-toe and touched her lips to his. He tightened his grip on her ever so slightly as he deepened the kiss. She whimpered and he opened his eyes to look at her, relieved when he found she was enjoying herself instead of tensing up.

He pulled away just slightly and admired her soft beauty, her slightly swollen lips, and the uncertainty warring with the longing in her eyes. "Let me show you, Ryan. I swear I won't hurt you. Let me show you how good it can be."

She took in an unsteady breath through her nose and shook her head, panic clearly setting in.

Dean removed his hands from around her and held them both up in a truce. "Look, I may not know much, but I know a little bit about a lot of things, and one thing I'm damn fine at is making women feel good. I swear I just want you to see what you're missing. I promise to make it good for you."

"Dean…"

"You can say 'no' at any time and I swear I'll stop. Hell, we can play poker all night if you want." At that, she smiled, no doubt, remembering their first night together, the innocence they'd shared. "Please? I just…I don't know, Ryan, I feel like I need to do this for you."

She swallowed hard and shook her head again.

"Please?" he implored softly. He wasn't sure why, what was compelling him, but he knew if he left here without being here for her in this aspect, he was failing. What he was failing at, he wasn't sure, but he knew it in his gut, he needed to do this for her. And it was, it was all for her. Sure, he would get off, he knew that, but for the first time in his life, he wanted to have sex for someone else, to help _her _get off, to help _her, _period. He wasn't a selfish lover, he always made sure the woman in question was just as satisfied, if not more so, than himself, but this…this was different.

"Dean…" her voice caught in her throat and he could see her arguments warring in her head. He could practically hear her racing thoughts. But, finally, after what seemed like a millennia, she nodded. "Okay."

He gave her a small smile and held out a hand for her. She took it warily and he led her into her bedroom.

He stopped at the foot of her bed. She licked her lips nervously. "N-now what?"

He smiled. "Now, you empty that pretty little head of yours and concentrate on the moment."

* * *

The sun was rising when he woke and he smiled at the small body curled into him. Sex usually brought him a high, but this…this was something else entirely. He felt like he had done something for her, and honestly? He probably had. She had been nervous, scared, but she persevered and he had touched her with a tenderness he hadn't realized he possessed.

She stirred and looked at him. He gazed into the honeyed depths as she smiled. "Good morning."

"Hey," he managed, voice gravelly from sleep. "Sleep well?"

"Like the dead," she responded. She bit her lip and then kissed his, tenderly. "Thank you."

He pulled her to him once and kissed her forehead, each cheek, then finally, her mouth. "Thank you for letting me, for being strong enough for me to show you how good it could be."

She giggled and threw herself onto her back, stretching like a cat. "I'm pretty damn sure it's you I should be thanking. My God…you're a professional, Dean. I'm fairly certain you could get a masters degree in sex."

He chuckled shyly as he turned over to face her. This woman was incredible. Sure, she was damaged, but, hell, so was he. "Yeah, well…" Suddenly, a mischievous grin lit his features. "If you think I'm good at that, you should see what I can do with my tongue."

She whimpered, causing his grin to grow. Oh, the things he would enjoy doing to her…the sex last night had been mind blowing; not wild, but passionate. Today could be just fun.

He moved over her but then he caught a glimpse at the clock and winced. _Shit. How can it be so early, yet so damn late? _

She sighed and smiled. "You've got to go."

He hung his head and his forehead touched hers. He would love nothing more than to spend the day with her, show her everything, touch her in ways she'd never dreamed. But…John would want to move on, he was sure. As his dad said, 'Monsters don't take vacations, son. Neither do we.' Sometimes he hated their job. "Yeah, Dad'll be up soon and probably ready to go since your spook is gone."

She nodded in understanding. "Okay."

Still, he didn't move from her as their eyes met. "I, uh, probably ought to call Dad…let him know to come get me."

She smirked, just a little.

"Look, it's not, like, the walk of shame or anything."

Her smirk grew.

He cleared his throat.

She laughed and kissed his lips. "Would you like to borrow my phone?"

"No. I'll, uh, I'll call him." He paused, uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why. But he knew one thing…he didn't want to leave. He cleared his throat again and asked, "Mind if I use your shower?"

She shook her head. "Be my guest."

He moved, willing his erection down, before he stood and strode clad in his underwear to gather his clothes before hitting the bathroom. When she fell asleep, he had made sure to put something on, just in case she woke up and freaked, but to his surprise, they had both slept peacefully the whole night. He turned the water on and pulled his phone out of his pants pocket.

The phone rang twice and his dad's gruff voice answered.

"You want me to meet you somewhere?" Dean asked quickly.

"Where are you?"

He didn't want to admit he'd been with Ryan. Not because he was embarrassed, but because he didn't want his dad thinking Ryan was some two-bit tramp like most of the women he banged and left. "Near Ryan's place," he said finally.

Dean heard John's exasperated breath. "Looks like the least your bedmate could do was bring you over here."

"I'll walk, sir, if you tell me where you are."

He could almost see the set to John's jaw. "No, it's fine. Just start walking and I'll find you."

"Just let me shower, give me fifteen minutes? Then I'll find you, Dad."

His father hung up on him and he sighed. He didn't regret last night though. It meant more to him than he could have realized, being there with her, _for _her, like that.

He tested the water, then jumped in, showering in record time, half irritated he had to use her flowery shampoo, yet, not really minding the fact he smelled like her. He emerged to find her dressed in her pajamas once more, sitting on the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs with her head on her knees.

He picked up his shirts and felt her eyes on him as he slipped them on. "So…" he began.

"So…" she started at the same time. They both laughed. She uncurled herself and stood. "Look, Dean, thanks. For everything."

Man, he didn't know what it was about this girl…but he didn't want to leave her. He really didn't. "You gonna be okay?"

She took in a deep breath, blew it out, and smiled. "Yeah, I think I might be. Won't be long and I'll be graduating, then off into the real world. Whatever that means."

He laughed. "Well, good. You're smart. Stay smart. And stay away from things that go bump in the night."

She snorted and shook her head. "I'll try." She was fiddling with a piece of paper and he watched as she seemed to make up her mind and handed it to him. "Here's my number. Just…if you ever need a friend, Dean, call me, kay?"

He took the paper from her and nodded. "Yeah. I will." He snagged a sticky note off her desk and wrote down his own. "Here's mine. You ever think about ending it again, you call me, understand?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good." He leaned over and kissed her lips once more. "I'll see you around, shortcake."

She smiled. "Sounds good, Winchester."

He turned and walked out, back to his life, with the hopes she would call him the next time she got low.

* * *

**AN2: So...hope you enjoyed! For those of you who wanted the sexytimes, not to worry! I've got this experience from Ryan's point of view I'll show when the time is right. **


	4. Born on the Bayou

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. Wish I did...**

**Triggers: Brief mentions of suicide attempts/self harm scars. **

**Song for this chapter: Born on the Bayou by Creedence Clearwater Revival**

**Author's Note: Whoot! Five reviews and nine follows! Thanks, everyone! Glad you're enjoying it. Sorry I didn't update last week. My grandmother's health took a turn for the worst and she passed away. It was twelve long, excruciating days of...yeah, well, anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you're ready for that M rating. If smut isn't your thing, you need to just hit that little old "back" button at the top there. **

* * *

FIVE YEARS LATER… (Pre-show)

John stepped into the motel room and handed Dean a manila folder. "Got a tip there's some hoodoo going on down in New Orleans."

Dean looked at the folder and grinned. Mardi Gras was starting in a few days. "Sweet."

John sighed. "I've got a lead I need to check into in Salt Lake City."

Dean sat up straighter. Anytime John said 'lead' and he got that look in his eye, it usually meant a lead on the demon, the thing that killed Mary. "Dad, do you want me to come with…?"

"I want you to go to New Orleans."

"Alone?"

John gave him a half grin. "You can handle some witches, can't you, son?"

If anyone else had asked him that, Dean would have been insulted. "Absolutely. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

John shook his head. "It is probably a dead end, but I need to look into this. Don't worry, I know you want your vengeance on the damn thing as much as I do…"

Dean did, but not necessarily for the same reasons as his father. Sure, he wanted revenge on the thing for stealing his mother away from him, but he wanted revenge for what it had turned his father into even more. Sammy never knew their dad from before the fire, but Dean did. Dean remembered his dad smiling, remembered his dad laughing, remembered his dad as a normal father, not a drill sergeant that shared blood with them. Dean followed him, he toed the line exactly as he should, being a good soldier, realizing his father knew more about what they hunted than he did, but he just wanted it over. If they ever managed to kill the thing, maybe his dad would take a break. Maybe John and Sammy would make up and they could be a _real _family again. He missed his brother like crazy, but he knew his place was with their dad. It had killed him to have to make the choice between their father and Sam, but he knew Sam would be fine on his own. Sometimes, he wasn't quite so sure about his dad…

"Dean."

Dean blinked, shaking himself out of his reverie. "Yes sir?"

"Be careful. Mardi Gras is starting. You don't need to get caught doing something stupid and you don't need to get caught by these witches. Word is they're heavy hitters. I'm trusting you can handle this, Dean. I don't want you getting hurt."

Dean smiled. "I'll be fine, Dad. You're the one that trained me, remember?"

John gave him that ghost of a smile again. Dean would have loved to hear some words of encouragement, something, but he'd long since given up listening for it, so he just went over to his duffle and started packing his bags. His dad had handed him over the keys to the Impala just a few short years ago, buying a supped up truck to drive in place of the car. Dean never had been able to figure out why John had handed it over to him, but he had taken the car with barely bridled glee. The Impala was Dean's baby and he all but worshiped her.

He finished grabbing his gear and held out his hand for a handshake with his dad before he walked out.

* * *

He drove until things started to get blurry and he parked Baby off on a side road. It wasn't the first time he'd slept in the car, and he was more eager to start the case than he was to get a bed to sleep on. The next morning, he grabbed some takeout along with a giant coffee and once more pulled off onto a side road to read over all the information his dad had given him.

Someone had been hurting tourists, petty stuff in the beginning, but it was accelerating to bodily injuries and death. Originally it had been something akin to identity theft; bank accounts emptied, stocks and bonds sold, nothing that sounded hooey in the least…but then it had begun getting worse. Those people were getting hurt; little things at first, also. Someone's hair falling out, someone waking up covered in boils, but it was the death that had caught his father's attention. All her skin had fallen off her body. As her sister watched. "Nasty fucking witches," Dean said aloud to Baby. "They leave bodily fluids everywhere."

The car didn't answer him, naturally, but he was comforted by the silence. He had become used to it, since Sam left. Usually his brother gabbed incessantly, even when no one wanted to hear anything. It had been a hard adjustment, but now he was reveling in it. He liked being alone, some of the time. He liked being away from his father, that much was true. He loved his dad, but occasionally, John's brusque mannerisms made it hard to live with the man. Dean longed to just tell his father to "fuck off" on occasion, but he held his tongue. His dad had one rebellious son. He didn't need another.

With a sigh that turned into a yawn, Dean downed the rest of the coffee and put all of his trash in the takeout bag to throw away later. He always had takeout containers, bags, and wrappers in Baby, but he made sure he kept up with them and threw them away. She wasn't going to become a pigsty, no matter how many hours they were on the road.

He pushed off the hood, where he had been sitting, and stood, stretching a bit before popping his neck this way and that to work out a kink before he gathered the folder and his trash bag. He slid in behind the steering wheel and sat both items on the passenger seat before he grabbed his meager cassette collection. He briefly considered each tape before grinning and popping in some CCR. "Born on the Bayou" started and his grin grew. Because, hell, if he was going to go down to New Orleans and deal with some hoodoo, he needed the right music.

* * *

Two days later, Dean blew out an exhausted breath as he stared at the wall of information tacked up in his hotel room. He'd had zero luck finding these stupid ass witches. He'd already interviewed the witnesses and living victims and was still no closer to figuring out who these sons of bitches were. Plus, there had been another death. He was getting pissed, that much was for sure.

He looked over his information one more time and sighed. He had confirmed there were four members of this coven, three men and one woman. No, he didn't have names, but he was close. From what he could tell, they lured their victims to a storefront just outside the French Quarter, choosing victims that were drunk, or almost there, enticing them with promises of magic or fortune telling. He suspected some form of hypnosis was involved, too.

He scrubbed his hand over his face before he went to splash some cold water on it to revive himself. It was getting late, but he wanted to check out some of the storefronts. That information had been new today and he had excitedly come back to ditch the nicer clothes he had chosen to wear as the "reporter" he had pretended to be to get his information.

He grabbed his gear and quickly headed out to the car. He had looked and found a few abandoned places just outside The French Quarter that fit the needs for the coven. He figured they probably had an additional warehouse to manufacture their spellwork, but that didn't mean they actually did. He, personally, would want to keep the two sides of the game separate if he were them, but not everyone thought like he did. And if they were small-timers, even with major power, they wouldn't be smart with covering their tracks. But, damn, were they good. He hated it. He just wanted to kill their asses or make them see reason. He let out a snort. Who was he kidding? They wouldn't see reason. Most monsters (and he considered witches monsters) didn't.

He drove down a side street and did a double-take as a flash of black went the opposite direction. He blinked twice and swiped his fingers across his eyes. It had looked like Ryan's black Ford Falcon. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it? What would she be doing in New Orleans? He let out a snort. _Get it together, Dean. She's not here. _But he wished she was.

It had been a long few years since he'd seen her last. He and his dad had killed monsters, had put spirits to rest, and had traveled a lot. Sure, he'd had a lot of women since Ryan. Lisa, the yoga instructor who'd been too damn bendy, _almost _for him, but he'd learned a lot about himself in that wild weekend spent in her loft apartment. She'd taught him some stretches he was ashamed to admit he had used multiple times for more than just sex since. Yoga definitely had its merits. But it was Cassie that caused his heart to ache. He'd thought they had a chance. He really, _really _liked her. He'd made the biggest mistake of his life, admitting what their family business was. She's looked at him like he was worth less than the dirt on her shoe. She'd broken his heart and it had hardened a bit since then. He was becoming more like his father every day and that scared him. He didn't want to be a cold, unfeeling, obsessed bastard, but he had the feeling that was the way he was headed. And honestly, in this line of work, it was probably for the best. Sam had a future. Dean didn't. Not anymore.

_Wow, way to get yourself down, Winchester, _he mused as he pulled up to the building. _Stow your crap, you're on a job. _He sat up a bit straighter and was on high alert as he began searching for signs of the witches. He found nothing in the first storefront. The second one proved fruitless, also. But at the third, he saw a shiny Mercedes Benz parked.

"Know who drives those kinds of cars and hangs out down in abandoned buildings?" Dean mused to himself, "Drug dealers and witches."

He pulled his gun and slipped into the slightly open door. He saw a table with a plethora of "magic crap" along with some hooey stuff too. It was mostly fake, that much he could tell. The crystal ball wasn't a real one, neither were the cheap looking Tarot cards, but to the average Joe, they would look real enough, he supposed.

His eyes lit on a small table at the back of the room and he smirked. Here was where the real magic happened. It looked like an altar of some sorts with bones, ornate bowls, and lots of other weird shit he didn't even like thinking about. "What is your end game?" he mused softly.

He heard a noise behind him and turned, but he was surprised to feel the blow to his head, knocking him out cold.

* * *

Dean regained consciousness to the sounds of two men arguing about what to do with him. Well, at least they didn't kill him while he was down for the count. He glanced around and found himself in a dark, dank, obviously abandoned warehouse. So, he had been right in his assumptions that they had another building. Not that it did him a damn bit of good.

He began tugging on the ropes. He was usually pretty good about getting out of tight spots, but these two must have been Boy Scouts once upon a time because the knots were tight as fuck.

He tried the ropes again and growled. God, if he got out of this alive, his dad was going to murder him. Maybe it would be easier to let the fucking witches do him in. It would probably be more merciful. One of his few cases by himself, and he'd fucked up. _Why _hadn't he been more careful? He'd made a rookie mistake. Fuck. He twisted this way and that, trying to maneuver. If only he could get the knife stashed in his back pocket…

"Shhhh," he heard from behind him. "Don't move," the soft, southern accent implored.

He tried to twist his neck to see who the owner of the female voice was, but he couldn't. It was almost pitch-black in the decrepit warehouse. He felt the cool metal sliding against his skin as a knife cut the ropes away.

He stood quickly and rounded on his rescuer. "Ryan?!"

"Shhh, damn it, Dean! They'll hear you!" she whisper-yelled.

"Too late," a voice sing-songed. "And now we get two for the price of one. Shame, you had to have your girlfriend save your life, only for me to end it."

"Shame the hex bag didn't work," the other one stated in a nasally voice and Dean wondered what he was talking about. "You should be fucking dead, _huntress_," he growled.

Ryan glared at the weasel looking one. "No thanks to you, I almost was. Luckily, you're a sloppy ass witch and did a shitty job of hiding the hex bag in the first place. Under my bed? Really? Try for some originality next time! Hide it in the bathroom vent or the a/c ducts or something. It's almost like you _wanted _me to find it."

What the fuck was he missing? "Ryan," Dean warned. "Not helping!" he hissed.

She just looked at him and she smiled that beautiful, brilliant smile of hers. Damn, was he glad to see her. He hadn't realized it until right this very moment how happy he was to see her beautiful face.

Dean tried to lighten the situation and grinned at the two witches. "Hey, come on, guys, it's a party, right? Fucking Mardi Gras is going on! Let's just go out, get drunk, have Ryan get us some beads, have a few laughs, it'll be fun."

She just glared at him. "The only person seeing my tits tonight is you, and there's no guarantees about that, Winchester," she growled.

Please. Dean Winchester always closed the deal. "Oh, come on, babe, seriously? Five years? And you don't want this?" he gestured up and down his body. "I'm awesome."

She rolled her eyes. "You're also egotistical and a shitty hunter to let these two losers get the drop on you."

He shrugged. Okay, she had a point…"Not my finest hour, granted, but, hey, give me a handicap."

"Why should I?" she teased.

"Enough!" the one witch shouted as his eyes narrowed and he lunged just as Ryan moved, catching him with her waiting knife. He howled in pain and Dean's eyes grew wide as he watched Ryan flip the man over and stab him in the heart, killing him.

So intent was he watching Ryan, he didn't notice the other coming up on Ryan until he'd knocked her down, forcing her breath from her before attacking Dean.

The fight was on. They traded punches before he got the better of Dean and tossed him into the wall. It dazed him for just a moment before he shook his head, blinked, and narrowed his eyes as he growled and he rushed the other man, knocking him back into a steel girder. They continued their fight for a few more moments before Dean had him in a headlock.

Ryan called out, "Dean! Catch!" and threw her knife at him. He caught it and deftly slit the man's throat.

She stood and spat. "God help me, but I hate witches. Nasty pieces of work." She looked up at Dean. "Don't suppose you know where the rest of the coven is, do you? I mean, I'm enjoying the hell out of New Orleans, but before pleasure commences, I'd like to TCB, ya know?"

He blinked and his brows furrowed as he followed her outside. "Wait, wait a damn minute, Ryan. What do you think you're doing?" He waited for her stop, and when she didn't, he continued after her, enjoying the view of her sexy ass in a pair of tight blue jeans. She was dressed like a hunter, too. Sturdy hiking boots, the blue jeans that cupped that ass and flowed down her long, gorgeous legs, a couple of shirts to protect herself and hopefully stave off knife attacks, claws, and God knew what else. Fuck, she was gorgeous.

He followed her to her car, the same black Ford Falcon from when he'd seen at her college, so, it must have been her he'd seen earlier after all, and watched as she snapped open the trunk, which had an arsenal similar to his, took out a towel, and held out a hand for the knife he still held. He watched her as she lovingly wiped down the blade. She was stunning, even more beautiful than the last time he had seen her, five years before. Her mahogany hair hung in soft curls down her back where it had spilled out of some clip that was just barely hanging on and her whiskey colored eyes sparkled with mischief and irritation as she continued speaking.

"Following a lead," she stated as she stowed the knife back in her holster on her side and wasn't that the sexiest fucking thing he'd ever seen? "I heard through the grapevine that some serious hoodoo was going on down here, stuff out of the ordinary." She motioned to the abandoned warehouse before she began twisting her hair back up into the clip. He mourned its loss. He loved seeing all those riotous curls. "One of those sons of bitches put a hex bag in my hotel room. I took it real personal. I saw the one dude hit you over the head and drag you to a car. So, I followed him, then saw those two drag you in there." She smiled. "Lucky thing I came along, Dean. Where's your dad?"

His back went up at the glaring accusation that he couldn't hunt by himself. "He's on another job, and I was doing fine on my own, damn it!"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, if that's what you want to tell yourself." She paused, then said, "Look, I know for a fact the coven has another man and a woman in it. Word is they're small timers, but they've got serious juice. I haven't found a connection to a demon yet, have you?"

He shook his head, his brain going into hunt and research mode. "No. I checked. They're flying solo, but they're screwing over travelers that want to come down here and see some magic in action. Dumb tourists."

She let out a snort. "I guess you need a ride back to your car, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

She slammed the trunk shut and made her way to the driver's side. "You coming?"

He slid into the passenger seat and she cranked the engine. She flipped the radio back on just as "New Kid in Town" went off and "Life in the Fast Lane" began blaring from the speakers. He smiled when he noticed her singing along with song under her breath, her hand tapping the steering wheel in time to the music. He watched her a moment, enjoying the first verse of the song. He actually _liked _The Eagles, but he couldn't help but rag her a bit. "The Eagles? Seriously?"

She shot him a look. "It could be worse. I was listening to Restless Heart yesterday." At his grimace, she laughed. "The Eagles were my daddy's favorite band." The Eagles were one thing, Restless Heart? A whole other thing entirely. Next, she'd be telling him she liked The Beach Boys.

She reached in the backseat and pulled out a small duffle bag. "Here are more cassettes. Pick one."

"You'll let me choose?" he asked, incredulous. Shotgun never got to pick in his ride.

She laughed. "I never have anyone riding with me. Go ahead."

He dug around through the pile of cassettes. He saw some of his own favorites and finally decided on Def Leopard. "Looks like Restless Heart and The Eagles not withstanding, you've got a decent collection."

She rolled her eyes and grinned.

The ride was silent save for the music and the road until he finally asked, "Ryan, what happened?"

She gave him a sidelong glance before looking back at the road. "When?"

"You were in school. You weren't in this life…"

She sighed and turned the music down. "Dean, you're like me…your life was ruined from a young age. And when that happens, all you can do is persevere, you know? I graduated. Got top honors, too. But I wasn't happy. And, after promising you I wouldn't, well, end things, I knew I had to do something. Then, I found a vengeful spirit outside of Charlotte and it felt so good to be able to do _something._ So, I started looking for it. I met up with Bobby Singer and he kinda showed me some of the ropes. He looked at me like you're looking at me now; with pity, but I didn't care. I needed to do it. I needed to be taking out these monsters."

She paused for a breath. "I used the Tae Kwon Do I'd learned as a teenager for self defense, altered it, made my own kind of fighting style. I've excised a handful of demons, handled a haunting outside of Charleston, and took out a werewolf in Biloxi. Bobby helped me with my first witch coven. For the first time in my life, I'm…well, I wouldn't say happy, but content. I'm doing something so other monsters can't do to anyone else what was done to me."

"I get it," he said finally. "I totally get it. I just…I hate it for you. I feel like sometimes if we could have predicted they'd take you…"

"I fit the profile," she stated flatly. "I fit the profile, but that was it. There were twenty other girls in my hometown that could have been taken, but it was me. You gotta let go of the guilt, Dean. I don't blame you or your dad. I never did."

"You blamed me for saving your life." It had bothered him, more than he cared to admit.

She huffed out a soft breath. "Yeah, I did. But not anymore. Because of you, the world has another hunter. This isn't a bad thing."

He was quiet for a moment, before he asked, "So, you're hunting. You don't usually have passengers…No partner?"

She smirked. "If this is your shitty way of asking do I have a boyfriend, the answer is 'no.'"

He held up both his hands. "Hey, just curious."

"I've hunted with a few people," she said finally. "Bobby, of course, a new kid, Mark Campbell, who was really nice, Caleb…"

"You've hunted with Caleb?" he asked, his tone surprised. Caleb was a lone ranger. He didn't work with many people. His dad had taken him under his wing, got him started off with a handful of weapons, but Caleb was more of a loose canon than he was, and that said something.

"Yeah, we worked a case together a few months ago…"

Dean grinned. "Haven't seen him in forever."

She shrugged and remained silent until they pulled up to the Impala. He briefly wondered if anything had happened between her and Caleb. Caleb was a decent guy, rough around the edges, but, hey, that happened to them all, he was a good guy, though.

"Your dad gave it to you?" she asked as they both got out of her car.

He grinned, all thoughts of anything but his baby forgotten. "Yeah, Baby's all mine."

She smiled as he enthused over the car. He led the way to the Impala and leaned against the driver's door.

"I know the feeling," she told him. "I was so excited to have Papa's Falcon, even though I put a ton of work into it."

"You do the work yourself?" He'd never gotten around to asking her that night. It was just one of many things he wished they had talked about.

She shook her head. "No, not all of it. I had it fixed up for college. Last year it started sounding funny. Bobby, he, uh, he took me and Demon home, gave her a once-over, got me road ready, gave me a crash course on car maintenance, the whole nine."

He glanced back at her car. "Demon?"

She smirked. "It seemed appropriate."

"You've got a twisted sense of humor, Ryan."

She laughed again. "Ain't the first time I've heard that one, Dean," she said, and he heard that North Carolina accent slip into her words. It warmed him for some reason.

"So, how did you manage to talk Daddy Winchester into letting go of this beauty?" she asked as she ran a hand down Baby's front quarter panel. Dean had to suck in a breath in order to control his raging hard-on. Fuck, he'd love to bend her over Baby's hood. Shit, the things he would do to her on top of that car…God help him. He cleared his throat. "Dad's got Truckzilla now, so Baby and I are just doing our thing."

"Truckzilla?"

He snorted. "Sam's name for it."

She paused and smiled softly. "I haven't seen him since he was a kid. How is Sam doing?"

He thought of the best way to describe Sam while not digging up all their family shit. He supported his brother fully in his need for higher education, didn't understand it, but supported him, no matter what. That was his job. To look after his pain in the ass little brother. And that included supporting his decision for college. He still remembered the fight between his dad and Sam. It was one of the worst they'd ever had that had led to Sam slamming the door and walking out on them both. Dean had hated the fact he had to choose sides, but his dad needed him. Sam…for once in his life, Sam didn't need a damn thing. He was fine off at school, a real grown up with normal written all over him. It sometimes made Dean jealous of the kid. "Sam's good. He's in college."

"Wow! Awesome!"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I'm really happy for him. Haven't talked to him lately, though," he added quickly. She didn't know _how _long it had been, but yet again, he wasn't going to share family shit. "Been doing my own thing for a few months now," _when dad will let me, _he amended mentally. She didn't need to know that one, either.

"That's good." She smiled. "Sort of like me."

He nodded uncertainly. He didn't know what to say, what to do. He remembered their night together like it was yesterday. He'd had a lot of women since her, but she stayed with him. He could only say that about a handful of girls. She was memorable, that much was for sure.

"So," she began as she clapped her hands together. "We gonna hunt down these witches together?"

He thought a moment. "Why the hell not? If you're good enough for Bobby to tutor, you're good enough for me."

Her lips quirked. "Bobby mentioned he knew and I quote, 'those damn Winchesters'."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, well, there's no love lost between my dad and Uncle Bobby."

"He's awesome, but, knowing your dad a little bit, I can understand how he could…rub someone the wrong way."

"He's brusque, I'll give you that," Dean replied.

Her hand went to his arm. "I'm glad you aren't. Always stay like you are, Dean."

"What? I'm a macho, gruff, mean bastard, Ryan."

Her smile was soft as she leaned over until she was right in his face. She was stunning. Five years had given her some maturity in her eyes, she'd obviously seen some of the weird shit he had, but it had brought her to life instead of killing her. He saw sparkles of mischief in their brown depths and he found himself spellbound.

"That's not true." Her soft breath fanned across his face and he felt a stirring below the belt yet again and was thankful he'd worn a tighter pair of jeans. No sense embarrassing himself now, was there? He looked her over yet again. She had put her hair back up in a sloppy bun clip thing and his fingers itched to run through the curls he had gotten a glimpse of earlier. He knew they were hiding there. He longed to pull her hair back to open her neck for him to kiss on. Damn, did she have a pretty neck…

"I seem to remember you being quite gentle, Dean," she purred. "You gave me a gift that night. I think it's time I returned the favor."

_Fuuuuuck_, he thought. He swallowed hard and grinned. "Well, hell, let's gank some witchy bitches and I'll let you do that very thing."

She smirked and pulled away. "Well, we've got a few hours until daylight. Call it or go get breakfast?"

He grinned at her and they chorused, "Breakfast."

* * *

She followed him as he led her to his motel. It had a little diner attached to it. Luckily they were an all-night kind of place and they slid into a booth before the sun was even a glimmer in the eastern sky.

The waitress came and took their order. "I'll take the special, extra pig, and one of those cinnamon roll looking things. Looks great," Dean told her with a smile. "Oh, and a coffee and O.J. too."

Ryan grinned as the waitress turned to her. "Country Ham, egg, and cheese sandwich on white toast, extra mayo, side of hash browns, apple juice _with ice_, please, coffee, water, and I guess count me in for one of those cinnamon roll thingies."

The waitress didn't comment as she shuffled off. "Well, she's got…personality," Ryan commented as she sat back in the booth and drew one leg up to rest her head on her knee.

Dean snorted and yawned. "Yeah, I guess she's used to people coming in at all hours of the night."

Ryan shrugged. "It could be worse. At least we aren't covered in blood."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah. Guess we're getting good at not getting any on us."

Ryan laughed. "You say that, but then there's the mess at my hotel room I have yet to clean up."

"What happened? You mentioned a hex bag?"

She nodded as the waitress came back and sat their drinks down. She sipped her water until the lady left. "Yeah, I guess I got too close and they made me. Must have been that last vic I was talking to. Poor guy."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Poor guy nothing. You screw with magic, that's the price you pay."

"So, they should die? They should be hurt?" she asked, incredulous.

"You don't fuck with things like this, especially if you're a civilian."

"They didn't know any better."

"Isn't that the problem?" Dean asked with a sigh. "They don't know any better, so they end up screwing with their lives."

They were both quiet for a moment and Dean watched as she put three creams and two sugars in her coffee, basically making it sweetened coffee flavored milk and he had to hold in a grin as he sipped his own black coffee. "So…the hex bag?" Dean prompted when she finished.

Ryan shrugged and shook her head as she held the warm mug in both hands. She closed her eyes and took an appreciative breath of the warm beverage. "Ahhh, I love the smell of coffee in the morning. I rarely drink it any later in the day. It's a morning beverage, unless I'm burning the midnight oil."

He watched her take a sip, still with her eyes closed. He longed to have her sighing for another reason. Usually he had no problems keeping his libido in check, especially if they were on a job. Now, he was jonesing to take her back to his room and fuck her senseless before they even began their hunt.

Those gorgeous brown eyes opened slowly and she smiled as they hit his own. "Sorry…I think I might have dozed off for a moment."

"You need to go get some rest," he stated.

She shrugged. "Maybe. Let's see if this coffee and the huge breakfast makes any headway with my fatigue." She took a sip and sat the mug down. "Now, you'd asked about the hex bag."

He nodded and she began her tale; "I had gone back to the room to do a bit more research. After a while, I was tired and decided to go take a soothing bath, call it a night. I called in some Chinese food and decided to relax. I don't know how long I was in the tub…not long, the water hadn't cooled much, when I suddenly felt sick." She wrinkled her nose. "Ugh. I hate to vomit. Anyway, I was…violently ill and couldn't figure out why. I mean, I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, so I knew it wasn't food poisoning, and then, well, it wasn't exactly _vomit _that I was vomiting, if you catch my drift…"

He did. He'd been the victim of a hex bag a few years before and it felt like your whole insides were liquefied and basically, that's what the witch probably tried to do.

"So, I managed to find it, hidden under my bed, how ridiculous, right?" she chuckled. "And then I lit it on fire. Burned up one of my best lighters, too. The Chinese food came like, a minute later, but I didn't get to eat. I was still feeling sick. So now," she tacked on as the waitress reappeared with the food, "I'm starving."

He smiled. He was hungry, too. For food, and for Ryan.

They ate in relative silence then, just making small talk as they devoured their food. He enjoyed watching her eat. She must have been starving because she ate every bit of her food and asked for a bite of his pancakes, which he willingly gave. She moaned as she put the bite in her mouth. "My God, these are the best pancakes on the planet."

He shook his head. "Nah, I've had better."

Her eyebrow rose. "Where?"

So, he went into detail telling her about the little diner outside of Branson, Missouri he had stopped at after killing a pair of Vetala.

"Vetala?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, nasty creatures, stab them in the heart with a silver knife and you're good."

She smiled and her hand dipped down to the blade of the knife she used earlier. "Pure silver. Cost me a fortune from a chick that's in the biz. She doesn't hunt, but she knows a metric fuckton about the Supernatural."

"Glad to know you're being safe," he commented. "I still hate you're in this life, Ryan. You had a shot at normal."

She let out a snort. "Please. My shot at normal ended when I was eleven. I'm not bitter about it, Dean. If I had stayed in normal, I would be dead by now."

"You could have called me," he offered softly. Granted, he'd been too busy to call her, hadn't given her a lot of thought, to be honest, but still…

She blew out a breath. "Dean, I…I knew you were busy with your own stuff. You didn't need me tagging along and you didn't need to feel like you were….I dunno, responsible for me or something. I needed to go out and find my own way." She smiled. "Besides, when you were there last, it seemed as though you and your dad were a team."

He shrugged noncommittally. They weren't a team, they never were. He was the grunt, his dad was the brains. That was okay. He knew he wasn't as smart as his dad or Sam. He could handle that. But now, being out on his own some…he felt free. Free to screw up and it hurt no one but himself. Free to do things his way. And, yeah, he stuck to his dad's teachings, but he'd figured out so many better ways to do things already. Little things, but differences, none the less. "Well, we aren't a team now. I meet up with him when he calls me. We just finished a job, as a matter of fact. But I'm out on my own more and more now."

"It's freeing, isn't it?" she questioned softly.

"You have no idea," he told her.

The silence continued for a beat and Ryan looked out the window. "Looks like it's morning."

He hadn't even noticed the restaurant lightening up but now he looked out the window and saw the sun beginning to blaze through the trees. "Huh. Go figure."

She smiled. "Well, I'm full and awake."

"Me too. Wanna ditch your car here and we can take mine, go together?"

She nodded with the smile still in place. "Sounds like a plan to me."

* * *

The other two witches weren't quite as into the witch life as the two Ryan and Dean had already disposed of and were quite happy to give up the life in order to live. With a powerful spellbook and a few hex bags to go, Dean and Ryan made their way back to the motel as the sun now burned bright overhead. "Well, that was anticlimactic," she mused from her spot in his passenger seat.

Dean let out a snort as he stood once they reached the motel. "Victory is victory. And those two are heading to jail for a while anyway for hurting those tourists. They're lucky we didn't gank 'em on principle."

She walked around the car and shrugged as they traveled together to the door marked by the number eight, his room. "Eh, wasn't worth it. Without the coven leader, they were just playing at being witches." She turned and grabbed his jacket, pulling him to her. "And now, I wanna play doctor."

He growled and grabbed her ass, hauling her to him as his mouth sank to hers. He attacked it and she willingly let him as she sucked his tongue into her mouth. She pulled away and he grinned. "So help me, if we don't get in that room, I'm going to have you on Baby's hood.

"Not that I wouldn't like that, Dean, but I have something else in mind." She turned and having grabbed his key from his pocket while they were making out, deftly unlocked the door as his lips roamed her neck.

He reached up to her hair, unable to contain himself any longer and pulled the pins, satisfied when her hair fell down her back. _Fucking gorgeous,_ he mused as his right hand went up her back and into her tresses. He tugged gently, pulling her head back, just like he had dreamed of a few hours earlier and he breathed, "Honeysuckle. You always smell like honeysuckle to me, Ryan."

She gasped and dropped the key as they stumbled into the room. "You-you're gonna turn the tide, Winchester. I was, ungh, supposed to repay you."

He nipped at her neck lightly and purred in her ear, "Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna get lots of repayment, sweetheart."

"F-f-fuck," she stuttered as he bent down to sweep her off her feet. He kicked the door shut behind them, then carried her to the bed and dropped her lightly before his body covered hers. "Have you gotten a lot of practice since we were together last?" he asked as his lips moved to her collarbone and began undoing the buttons on her shirt.

"N-no, but Casa Erotica has helped me with my schooling."

He grinned. "Always a favorite." He stood and peeled off his jacket, toed out of his boots, and slid off his flannel shirt, leaving him in jeans and a tee. She was eyeing him hungrily and he was all smiles as he delved back to her. "You are beautiful, Ryan," he whispered as he bit her nipple through her shirt.

"Don't, ah, don't need to give me flowery talk, Dean. I'm a sure thing."

He pulled away and narrowed his eyes. "No, I don't do flowery talk. This ain't a chick flick, Ryan. If I say something during sex, I mean it, kay?"

She bit her lip, smiled softly, and whispered, "Okay."

"Now," he murmured as his hand traveled up her sides, bringing her tank with it, "I want to see all of you." He pulled her to a sitting position and divested of her shirts and bra, leaving her in only her jeans and boots. "Whoa…" she had gotten tattooed since he had seen her last. The two thick ropes of scars on her arms were still on display, but on her left arm, she had tattooed in gorgeous font; "Carry On My Wayward Son" and on her right arm, above and below the scar it read "There'll Be Peace When You Are Done." He blinked. "Kansas?"

She smiled. "I told you I love rock music. I, uh, I got them because of you, Dean. You told me to not give up, and I didn't. I got these to remember that."

His smile was soft as he laved both the tattoos and scars with attention. "Gorgeous."

She started to cover her naked breasts and he shook his head. "No. I said I want to see you. All of you. You're not going shy on me now, are you? I seem to remember you getting yourself off in front of me to the tune of 'Black Velvet'. Sexiest fucking thing I've ever watched to be honest."

He dipped to kiss her lips once more. "And I get a damned hard-on every time I hear that fucking song, all because of you. I hope you're happy with yourself."

He watched the delicious blush cross her features, but then a smirk graced her lips. "That's hot," she murmured.

Damn right it was. He'd often reflected on their first time together. He couldn't help it. When he was feeling selfish, he remembered that one selfless act. Of course, he'd gotten something out of it, but it had been for her, in the beginning, certainly.

He remembered it like it was yesterday, watching her. They'd began by getting her to relax. He remembered her closing her eyes and getting herself started with that little fingertip vibrator, teasing her own clit with it, forgetting he existed as she took herself to the edge before he jumped in, helping her finish with just a thrust of fingers. As long as he lived, he would never forget what happened next, looking up at her as she took them to the next level, watching her open up and take him in as she found her own sexuality.

Yeah, it kinda made him feel like a girl, but that was the only way he could describe it. He saw her rebirth in that instant as she became a sexual being. He had done that. He was the one that helped her with that. No one else. Him. And that was something he carried with him. And hell yes, he felt pride at it. He couldn't help himself.

He looked at the woman again now as her blush continued to brighten her features. He stood once more and took her in. She had the scar, low on her stomach, from his knife, and from the surgery that saved her life standing out against the toned muscles of her abdomen. She had a few new ones, too, he noticed, silvery pink skin that showed where blades or claws had attacked her. Warrior's tattoos, he mused, and he found them to be sexy as hell.

He smiled as he slowly untied and removed each of her boots, gently peeled away each sock, then moved to her waist, torturing her by slowly unbuttoning each button on her jeans. "I never understood why the fly on women's jeans are all buttons, but I like it."

She panted out a breath. "Some men's jeans have button flies…"

"Metrosexual crap that it is. Just give me a pair of plain jeans, I'm fine."

She smirked. "You'd look pretty damn good, Winchester, like a male model."

He chortled and slid the jeans down her legs, leaving her in nothing but a pair of purple satin panties. Her legs weren't immune to the scars, either. She had a nasty looking scar on her right thigh, partially covering the silvered skin of scars she had given herself. He hadn't asked, but he knew, even when they were together last time, he realized what the scars were. They weren't just from what those demons did to her that night. She had punished herself somehow, had cut herself to make herself feel. Depression wasn't something he knew much about, but he could easily see its marks on her skin. He was relieved, however, to find she didn't have any new ones. All the scars on her legs from her razor's edge were old and long since healed. He could only hope her mind was as healed as her body was. "Purple's a good color on you," he mused, taking his mind away from all the ways she had hurt herself. "It looks perfect with your skin."

She snorted. "Careful, Dean, you're entering chick flick territory."

He shot her a look and dipped to her once more, taking a nipple in his mouth. He wouldn't mention what he knew to be true. It wasn't his place. This, right here. This was what she wanted, what he wanted, what they both needed. The connection. "Oh, didn't you get the memo? This isn't a chick flick. This is a porno." His hand moved her panties to the side and he gently thrust two fingers into her wet heat.

She arched off the bed and gasped as he began moving them, finding her sweet spot. "I forgot how receptive you are, Ryan," he murmured as his lips moved all over her chest.

"J-just for you," she panted.

He felt a thrill at that, but remained quiet as he continued taking her up, up, up, until she came apart in his arms.

As she drifted down from her high, he stood one last time, taking those sexy ass plain purple panties with him, and started taking off his pants. When he reached back in them for the condom, she gently reminded him, "You don't need that with me, Dean."

He felt a pang at the realization of why…she couldn't have kids. She'd had a partial hysterectomy at age eleven. But didn't she want to be safe? "Ry…"

She shook her head and held out her hands for him to come closer. "Be with me," she purred. "I need to feel you, Dean."

The boxer-briefs fell to the floor and he was back to her in an instant. "You sure?" he questioned gently as he found his way to nirvana.

She smiled and nodded. "Absolutely."

With one gentle thrust, they were joined and she gasped as her nails left score marks in his back. His lips once more attacked hers, his tongue gently probing, thrusting, in time with his movements and she matched him stroke for stroke as they began moving. He took her up and over once more, twice more, playing her like a violin before he allowed himself release, and as he came down, she kissed him tenderly. "Thank you," she whispered.

He moved off of her, but pulled her into his chest and nuzzled her neck. "Thank _you_," he whispered back.

They fell asleep like that, exhaustion and satisfaction finally dragging them into to world of dreams. When he awoke, night was falling. It took him a moment to realize why he had awakened, but then he realized she was kissing him, demanding him again and he eagerly complied. He pulled her on top of him and smiled as she sat up, enveloping him.

His hands traveled to her hips, helping her hit a rhythm that would please them both. When he felt the quickening start, his thumb found her clit and he began taking her up and over before they floated down the other side.

She fell to his chest and kissed his sweaty skin. "You're amazing," she breathed.

He chuckled and tipped her head so he could kiss her lips. "I'm fairly certain that you've got that backwards, Ry."

She smiled at him and laid her head on her arm atop his chest. "No one calls me Ry."

He shrugged and grinned. "Hey, I'm all about nicknames. You should ask Sam what his is."

She giggled. "I know. I heard you once, when you were at my house. Any particular reason you call him 'bitch', Dean?"

He thought a moment. "Well, I figured, if he was going to get teased at school, I'd better toughen him up. Calling him a bitch was just the start of it."

"Did you get teased a lot?" she asked softly.

He thought of the times he'd gone to school in dirty clothes, the holes in them, the fact that they didn't fit… "Yeah, we got our fair share for a while there until I got big enough to do the laundry and learned how to patch holes in shirts and stuff."

"You two went through a lot growing up, didn't you?"

He didn't comment. Their lives were tough, yeah, but they could have been worse. At least they had gone to school. Her life hadn't been the same since she was eleven. She'd barely gone to school, he remembered her saying. And she hadn't gone to high school at all, had she? "It could have been worse," he finally told her.

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." She kissed him tenderly.

"You hungry?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Not really, but I need some sugar and some booze. What about you?"

He grinned. "Sounds good."

He stood and slipped on some pants. "I've got the booze covered." He inclined his head where the bottle of whiskey was waiting on the table by some of his research. "Sugar…"

"I saw a vending machine. Think they've got any Skittles in there?"

He slid on a shirt and stepped into his boots. "I'll go check."

She, too, stood, and slithered into one of his plaid shirts, only buttoning about half the buttons and driving him absolutely mad with want again already. She caught him looking and smirked. "Sugar. Booze. Then sex again."

He pulled her to him and when his mouth was just a breath from hers, he breathed, "Promise?"

She blinked slowly and smiled. "Absolutely."

He kissed her quickly and ducked out the door. He grabbed her bag of Skittles and himself a candy bar then booked it back to the room.

He found her sitting at the small table with two glasses of whiskey already poured and waiting. He handed her the bag and she smiled as she ripped it open and dumped it out onto the table. His eyebrow rose as he watched her separate the colors. He smirked as he sat and sipped his booze. "What are you doing?"

She grinned bashfully. "I, uh, I don't like all the flavors mixed so I eat them one flavor at a time. Well, lemon and grape can be eaten together, but the rest…"

Once she got them all separated, she took two orange and ate them, then two green, then two yellow and two purple…it was fascinating. But she saved all the red. "Don't like the red ones?"

She shook her head. "No, they're my favorite. I save the best for last."

He chuckled under his breath. Sometimes she seemed so childlike and innocent, then other times, she was a badass warrior. She was a woman with sexual desires, but he noticed when they were leaving the restaurant earlier in the day and a man bumped into her and didn't move out of her way fast enough, she got a look of alarm on her face, showing him she was still slightly uncomfortable around men. She was enigma; that much was for sure.

"So, where are you going from here?" she asked, bringing him out of his reverie.

"I don't know. Wherever I hear of something else hooey I guess. Dad sends me coordinates if we aren't together. Usually, though, I find my own jobs."

She nodded noncommittally as she shot the whiskey down.

"What about you?" he questioned.

"I don't know. Guess we'll just have to see what we see."

He wanted to ask her to go hunt with him, to _be _with him. He was lonely when his dad wasn't with him. He didn't want his dad along to hunt with. John made hunting less fun, more work, and it shouldn't be. He should be able to enjoy himself, shouldn't he? Not every case required military strategy. Occasionally he could just wing it, couldn't he? It had served him well enough before. So, no, he didn't enjoy hunting alone, he just enjoyed hunting without John. That's what it was. The question was on the tip of his tongue when she stood and smiled. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go back to bed."

She slowly began undoing one button and then the other until the expanse of skin between her breasts was exposed, then, down to her belly button, and then, she was standing there with the shirt open showing the fact she hadn't bothered with slipping back into her panties.

His jaw dropped slightly before he grinned. "You ready already?"

Her smile grew. "Unless you're too tired."

He was standing in a flash. "I'm never too tired for you."

* * *

The next time he woke, she wasn't in bed with him. He sat up and looked around, almost relieved her clothes were still in a pool on the floor, her gun and knife tossed next to them, her flask peeking out from under her shirts where he had thrown them. The room was almost black with the exception of the neon glow from the vacancy sign out front.

He heard the toilet flush and water running. He remained quiet as he watched her walk to the little kitchenette to get some water from the tap, poured into one of the whiskey glasses they'd used earlier before she made her way back to bed.

"You okay?" Dean asked sleepily, relaxing now that he realized she hadn't up and left him.

"Yeah. Weird dreams."

He chuckled. He probably should have fed her. The food they grabbed before they hit the second part of their witch hunt had been forever ago. They'd holed up here all damn day and it was dark once more. "We shoulda got some burgers, put you in a food coma. You wouldn't have dreamed about a thing."

She giggled and he held out his hands for her. She dropped willingly into his arms and they began making out. He couldn't get enough of kissing her. "I wanna try something," he whispered in the near dark of the room.

"You know, I'm not very experienced, Dean. I'm not sure I can handle butt sex."

His mouth fell open. _Holy fucking shit. _"God help me, Ryan, I never know what the fuck is going to come out of your mouth."

She giggled again.

He shook his head at her and rolled his eyes as he moved down, down, down, her body. He licked his lips. He had been dying to taste her all day but he hadn't had the opportunity. "No, I was just thinking, I promised you one time I'd show you what my tongue could do."

She whimpered, causing him to grin.

"I bet you've never had anyone do this…" His tongue thrust into her and she groaned as she grasped his short hair.

"Oh, fuck," she muttered as he began teasing her.

He easily figured out where to touch, where to suck, and how to get her right to the edge before he would back off and start her up the mountain again before finally he gave in and she was screaming as her thighs clenched around his head and the orgasm rocked her body.

He slithered back up her and kissed her lips. "Did you like that?" he murmured before he gently attacked her neck once more.

"Yes, God," she moaned.

"Good," he stated as he joined them yet again. There was something different in the air now. It was slow, steady, just their breathing could be heard as they gently moved together. He felt something shift within him, though, he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. But, if he had to guess, he would say it wasn't sex. Oh, no, they weren't just having sex, they were making love. He wasn't entirely sure he'd ever done that before, except for maybe that one time with her at her college.

When they finished, they once more fell soundly asleep, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist, his nose buried in her hair.

It was when the sun was fully up in the sky, he woke alone with a note on her pillow; _Winchester, sorry, I had to bail. You know all I want to do is make love to you, but I had stuff to take care of. Thank you. For just being you. I'm sure I'll see you around. Ryan _

She'd left him. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Usually he was the one doing the sneaking and the leaving. He stood and walked naked to the window, checking to see if her car was actually gone. It was, leaving the spot next to Baby as empty as his bed. He wasn't quite sure why it bothered him so much.

* * *

**AN2: Damn, is she an idiot or what? Would YOU leave a naked Dean Winchester in bed? I sure as hell wouldn't...oh well. Until next time kids. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to leave a review on your way out, okay? See you next week where we see some Sam as well. :) **


	5. Closer

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Supernatural. I would love to own SOMETHING though. Oh well...**

**Triggers: I don't think there are any in this chapter? Maybe a brief reference, but that's about it. Enjoy!**

**AN: Hopefully you're all enjoying the story! It's got a lot of story left, just maybe not from Dean's point of view. A few chapters left before we switch, just FYI. **

**Song for this chapter: Closer by Nine Inch Nails (yeah, I went there) **

**NOTE: I forgot about the missing year when Sam was in Hell. Sorry about that! I've gone back and changed the timeline in this story. It hasn't changed anything here, but it will in the following chapters. If this is your first time reading, you won't notice it. Thanks!**

* * *

**SEVEN YEARS LATER (This takes place between "Season Seven: Time for a Wedding" and "How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters" if you are interested.**

Dean blew out a breath as they stepped from the car. "I just don't see why we need to bother with checking out this vamp nest, Sammy." He had been arguing his case for the past hundred miles, imploring Sam to see that they needed to stay on this Leviathan thing.

Sam shot him a look. "I know you're all into these Leviathan monsters right now, Dean, and we will get the sons of bitches. But until we have more of a lead, we're stuck playing the waiting game. So, might as well…"

"Blow off some steam?" Dean supplied.

Sam grinned. "You always feel better when you have something evil to kill."

Dean chuckled at that. "True." They walked into the police station and flashed their fake FBI badges.

The bored looking kid behind the counter blinked owlishly up at them through thick rimmed glasses. "Ya'll with Agent Daemon?"

"Agent…?" Sam began, but Dean's mouth split into a wide grin as he saw the woman talking with another cop. _Fuck me, _he thought as he eyed her. She was sexy as hell in 'fake FBI agent' gear of a bad ass grey power suit, a bright silk shirt, and a mischievous set to her face. Her brassy hair was in a knot low on her neck and she had her gun on her side. He imagined that kinky little knife was hidden somewhere in those tight pants, along with an arsenal of other gear he couldn't wait to get her out of.

"Yeah, she's our boss," Dean supplied as he nudged Sam toward her.

"Dean, what…?" Sammy began but Dean ignored his younger brother as he sidled up to her.

"Boss, sorry we are late," Dean told her authoritatively.

Ryan turned and he could see the amusement in her eyes. "Just don't let it happen again, Agent, or the next time punishments will be severe."

He grinned and dropped his voice down lower, so the cop standing there couldn't hear him. "You know I like punishments, Agent Daemon."

She sent him a sour look and turned back to the cop who was eyeing her appreciatively. Dean didn't like it, nor did he like the flirting Ryan was doing with the guy, either, as she continued as if Dean weren't even there. "Sorry, Rick. Do you think my minions and I could look at the case files? Maybe somewhere private? We don't want to disturb anyone…"

"Sure, sure, the small interrogation room is available. Let me get you those case files…" Rick jumped to and yelled for the boxes to be brought into the room. Two other officers grabbed some boxes, sat them on the small table in the room, and exited without a word. Ryan followed him in and she gave him a little wink just before Sam shut the door in his face.

"Did you have to be all over that jerk out there?" Dean demanded when the door hit the jamb, shutting the three of them in the room, away from prying ears and eyes.

She put her hands on her hips. "Hello to you, too, Dean. Glad to see you. It's been seven years. How the hell are you? I'm fine, thanks for asking. Sure, I'd be glad to fuck you, but right now can we concentrate on the case?"

Dean's mouth fell open, as did Sam's and she shook her head and chuckled before she closed the distance between them and hugged Dean. "I've missed you, Winchester," she breathed softly into his neck.

He hugged her back, relishing the feel of her against him. She was pushed closer to his height in the awesome shoes she had on and he quickly imagined the bruises they'd leave on his ass as he fucked her into oblivion. He wouldn't be able to sit for a week. _It would be worth it_, he decided. He then briefly wondered if she could run in them. It was a valid concern if she was going to be on this hunt with them. "Sorry," he breathed into her ear. "I don't like seeing you flirt with other men."

She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "You know the only man I have sex with is you, Dean."

He just looked at her in surprise a moment, caught up in what she was saying, not believing it, but appreciating the lie when Sam spoke up, "Uh, I'm still standing here, guys."

Ryan turned from Dean to eye Sam warily. Dean wondered what that was about before she held out a hand for him to shake. "Hello, Sam. It's been a while."

Dean's brow knit in confusion. She had gone from sweet, flirty Ryan, to conservative, guarded Ryan in about three seconds flat. Was he missing something?

Sam looked at her and then Dean with confusion etched in his features, causing Dean to laugh. "Ry, uh, I don't think Sam remembers you."

She blinked. "Dude, I know I'm forgettable, but we just worked a case together last year."

Alarm bells were ringing in Dean's head. "L-Last year?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. Don't you remember, Sam? I hooked up with you and your cousin. We were after a Rawhead. Killed that nasty mother, too."

"A Rawhead?" Sam asked, bewildered.

"Hey, I was almost killed by one of those," Dean said with a grin in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness in the room.

Her eyes grew colder and narrowed as she said, "Yeah, so was I."

Dean swallowed hard. What was he missing?

"I…I don't…" Sam began.

Ryan just nodded. "Yeah. I caught its scent in Kentucky after I scared it off from my…my friend's kid. Chased that fucker all the way until I called Mark for backup in Arkansas, you came with him. You helped me dispose of the damned thing, almost got me killed..."

Sam blinked. "I'm sorry…I don't remember…"

"Don't try to remember," Dean hissed under his breath. He didn't need Sam flipping his shit over a memory. Not now. To Ryan, he said, "Sam has had some…issues with memory."

She just looked from one to the other of them. "Ooookay. Well, anyway, Sam said you were out, Dean. What happened?"

He felt the pang in his chest and he closed his eyes as it hit him. Lisa. Ben. Home. But he put on a grin and shrugged. "Yeah, tried the apple pie life, found it wasn't my deal."

She got a glimmer of something in her eye that made him know she knew he was full of it, but thankfully, she didn't pursue it. "Well, I hate that, but at least you got a vacation. I seem to remember your dad believing monsters didn't take vacations."

He nodded. His dad had said that more than once to him. "They don't, do they?"

"So, we know one another?" Sam asked softly.

She looked him over a moment and Dean briefly wondered if Sam had said or done something to her to cause that caution to be written all over her face. Something happened when she hunted with him, he knew it. She was attempting to be blasé with the comment about almost getting killed, but he knew Ryan well enough to know there was more to this story. He just wasn't sure what.

Ryan just inclined her head. "Yeah. We've met. But before that," her lips quirked, "I was Dean's first exorcism. Yours too, for that matter."

Sam seemed to remember _that_. "Ryan?"

She nodded. "Right in one. See? You never forget your first, am I right?"

Sam chuckled and hugged her. "Well, it's good to see you." He pulled away and Dean was relieved to see Ryan smiling at his brother, all signs of wariness gone from her features. "You're a hunter?"

She nodded. "Yeah, off and on for thirteen years now."

"Off and on?"

She shrugged. "I've had a lot of shit going on in my life."

Dean snorted. The amount of shit they'd had in their lives bordered on ridiculous. Sam still believed it was because they broke all those mirrors that time trying to gank that fucking spirit with the mirror fetish. Well, if that was true, at least one of their seven years sentences was almost up, right? "Yeah, tell me about it." He paused. "You still friends with Bobby?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but we don't see each other, haven't for ages. I talk to him on the phone occasionally. He said you two were neck deep in this Leviathan crapfest."

Dean's nose curled. "Yeah, oily bastards. Nasty ass fucking…" He shook his head. "Anyway, so, vamps?"

She inclined her head as she picked up a case file. "'Fraid so. Definitely a nest, not newbies, but they're slipping up, so they must have a new recruit, really hungry, I suppose. When was the last time ya'll worked a vamp case?"

Dean closed his eyes. He hadn't even thought…the last time was the time he needed the cure. Lisa, Ben, hurting them…screwing up the only good thing he'd ever had…

"Dean?" Ryan asked softly, laying a hand on his arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said gruffly. "Let's just get this shit taken care of, alright?"

If she was taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor, she didn't let on as she nodded and began telling them what research she had done already. They looked over case files for a few more moments and gathered what they would need to take with them.

"We need to figure out where their nest is," she told them as she slid the paperwork into her satchel.

"Agreed," Sam stated with a nod. "Let's get to the motel and then I can start researching any hidden caves or abandoned warehouses in the area."

Ryan nodded. "Sounds good. I can go to the library if need be and…"

"No, Ryan needs to help me with something," Dean spoke up quickly.

Sam rolled his eyes and Ryan chuckled. "Dean, shouldn't we deal with the research first? I mean, you know I'm a sure thing."

"Research takes one person at best. We don't all need to be looking for a list of abandoned buildings, right?"

Ryan looked at Sam and Sam looked at Dean before Sam just shook his head. "Sure. I'll handle it. You two…do whatever the hell you need to do."

Ryan blinked. "Wow. Okay, thanks, Sam."

Sam blew out a breath. "I'm used to it."

They walked out together and Ryan thumbed her way down the street opposite of where the Winchesters parked. "Demon's this way. You wanna ride, Dean?"

He tossed his keys to Sam and followed her, his long strides eating the distance between them quickly. "I, uh, it's been a while for me, Ryan," he confessed softly. He hadn't been with anyone since Lisa. The thought stung, more than he wanted to admit. And the last time he'd tried, he had wound up in an Egyptian God's courtroom. That had given him pause.

She stopped and looked up at him. "Bobby told me."

He wasn't sure if he should be irritated or surprised. And furthermore, just _what _exactly had Bobby told her? The amount of things that had happened between their last meeting and now…it was long. "Bobby tell you everything?" he asked gruffly.

"Enough," she said softly. "We can talk…"

He didn't need to cry and be a girl. He needed to fuck her and move on. "I don't wanna talk," he pouted.

She smiled softly. "Okay," she purred. "Then we'll do whatever you need, Dean."

"What do you need, Ryan?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"You," was her only response.

* * *

They flew down the highway listening to The Eagles because he honestly didn't give a fuck what they were listening to. He was enjoying watching her. She'd let her hair down from the complicated bun, had tossed off her power suit jacket, and looked young and free as her hair blew around her face from the open windows.

It was in a moment like this he could see how things could have been between them if his mother had lived, if they had grown up side by side in Lawrence. They would have gone to high school together, fought together, loved together… Hell, they'd probably be married with two kids and he'd be working on a beer gut by now. Nah, he'd never get sloppy and fat. It was against his nature.

But the image…her sitting on a picnic blanket while a kid crawled off of it, toward him, it was everything he never had and never knew he wanted. Of course, he couldn't have it, he couldn't have the apple pie life. Lisa and Ben were proof of that. But just for a moment, he pictured it. It made him sad, but at the same time, he was thrilled he could see this side of her, this freedom and happiness radiating from her. He'd never seen her look so happy and he mentioned it as she killed the engine and led him to her door. He heard another car pull in behind them and saw Sam head to the office to get a room. "You look happy."

She smiled at him. "I am happy. Finally."

"It isn't a guy, is it?"

She laughed. "No, it isn't. You think I'd screw around with you on my guy? What kind of tramp do you take me for?" she asked with a giggle. "Nah, I just…I finally have my life figured out. I've got a nice, normal job. I just hunt on the weekends and to keep my skills up. I've found a balance. Not many hunters can. I just…look at the world differently now."

"You'll have to let me in on the secret."

She shrugged. "Life is what you make it, Dean. I just chose to make it good."

"I don't know what that means," he confessed.

She laughed. "Yeah, I'm Oprah over here. Go get your shit, Winchester. I've got an itch only you can scratch."

His eyebrows rose and he mock-saluted her as she unlocked the door and he strode to the car for his bag. Sam came out of the office and Dean looked over at him. "You mind?" He hadn't made it a point of hooking up with chicks for a while now, but he wanted to make sure Sam was still cool with it. They'd been through a lot lately, _Sam _had been through a lot. If his brother wasn't good with it, he would tell Ryan to fuck off. It would kill him, because all he could think about was getting the woman naked, but he would do it for his brother.

Sam shook his head. "Dean, you've got a shit-ton of stuff in your head now. If she can give ya one damn minute of peace, hell, I'll go hunt the damn vampires by myself."

Dean shook his head. "Thanks, man. Me and Ry, well, we go back a ways." _Obviously you two do, as well. Don't think I won't pick Ryan's brain apart for that tidbit of information, later. _Because, he loved Sam, but if Sam had hurt her when he was soulless…he wasn't sure what he'd do to his brother.

"Obviously." Sam looked at him with narrowed eyes. "How many times have you two met up and hunted together?"

"Only once. New Orleans, shortly before Dad went missing."

"You told me you went solo on that trip."

Dean grinned. "Yeah, well, I did _go_ solo. I just met up with Ryan when I got there. Shocked the hell out of me, seeing her there. Last time I saw her, I was walking out of her apartment at Appalachian State University."

"What happened there?"

"Ghost latched onto her. Coincidence there, too."

Sam was quiet for a moment. "You ever think it isn't a coincidence?"

Dean's brows knit. "What else could it be?"

Sam shook his head. "Nothing, never mind. I'll get the information together, we can hash it out over at the motel's diner for breakfast. Sound good?"

"Great. Thanks, Sam."

Sam snorted. "Yeah, you're welcome."

Dean was whistling as he made his way into her hotel room. "Where are you?" he called.

"Getting cleaned up," came her reply from the bathroom. "I got booze and chocolate. If you're hungry for anything else, we'll have to order out."

He toed off his shoes. "The only thing I'm hungry for is you," he muttered under his breath. But out loud, he called, "Works for me." He turned at the sound of the bathroom door opening and whistled low. "Damn. So does that." She was standing there in that same shirt with the same suit jacket, but this time, she had a damn skirt on. And…_fuck me…_she still had on the damn shoes.

She smirked. "See something you like?"

"Hell yes, woman. Come here."

She shook her head and sauntered to the iPod dock she must have brought with her. She punched a few buttons and he whimpered as Nine Inch Nails came on. She smirked. "It's cliché as all hell, but the song gets me all hot and bothered."

He stretched his neck, popping it. It was getting him all hot and bothered too. "Good little girls like you shouldn't be listening to songs like this," he muttered as Trent Reznor's voice screamed at them. He had to admit, he wasn't a huge NIN fan, but this song…damn.

She grinned as she began stripping for him. He watched as she made every damn one of his fantasies come true. When she was down to just her light blue panties and bra (and the shoes, thank God she didn't ditch the shoes) she sauntered to him and pushed him onto the bed before she straddled his waist. "Who said I was a good little girl, Dean?"

"Fuck," he muttered as she gyrated on top of him. He could die happily this time. Man, even if she were to stab him with a fucking blade, he would willingly go if this was the last image he saw.

"I've missed you," she breathed as she bent her head to kiss him.

His hands wrapped around her waist as his lips and tongue fought for dominance. When he pulled away, both of them were panting. "Me too." His hands traveled up her back and he quickly unfastened her bra, flinging it across the room before he flipped them and began worshiping her body with his lips, giving little teasing kisses to each inch of skin until he got down low to where her panties sat on her stomach. A hint of blue caught his eye, much darker than her clothing and his eyebrow shot up as he pulled the fabric down to reveal a blocky DW tattooed there. "DW? You marked yourself for me?"

She giggled. "Don't flatter yourself, Dean. It's Doctor Who, a TV show. It's even T.A.R.D.I.S. blue."

He blinked and his gaze roamed up her body to meet her eyes. "I'm sure that is supposed to mean something to me."

She shook her head and pulled his face to hers where she kissed him tenderly. "Don't worry about it." She began unbuttoning his shirt and he tossed the dress shirt to the side before tearing off his under-shirt. "Wow. You got inked," she breathed, fingering the anti-possession tattoo.

He nodded. "Yeah, uh, guess you're not the only one to get possessed by a demon."

She gave him a sorrowful look. "Did you hurt anyone?"

He shook his head. It wasn't him. He'd _seen _himself as a demon in that damn dream with that wicked dream root stuff, he had tortured souls in hell, but he had never been possessed. "Nah, I've done worse than that now. That was forever ago." He paused. "I'm not a good man anymore, Ryan. Truthfully, I'm not sure I ever was."

Her finger went to his lips, silencing him. "None of us are good, Dean. Not one. We just try our best." She sat up and moved her hair to the side so he could see her own anti-possession tattoo sitting between her shoulders, though, hers was surrounded by angel's wings that spread over her shoulders to touch the tops of her arms. She also had the words "non timebo mala," and some interesting markings underneath he would have to ask her about later. There were also scars running through the right wing. Claw marks, he was betting, making it look as if her wing was broken. He wanted to ask her about that, but it was the angel wings that caused him to snort. "Angel wings? Really? Fucking angel douchebags."

She giggled. "Let me guess…had a few bad run-ins, did we?"

"Yeah. Of course, Bobby told you, didn't he?" he stated sulkily as he pulled away slightly.

Her lips pursed. "We don't sit around and gossip about the Winchesters, Dean," she admonished. "Bobby and I often have important stuff to discuss."

"Why haven't you called me?" he asked suddenly and then felt the urge to kick himself in the ass. _Did I really just ask her that?! What the hell is wrong with me!_

She blinked. "Wow. Are we really having this conversation? _Now?_"

He shook his head. "No, I mean, yes, I…damn it, Ryan, I just figured I would have heard from you once or twice." _Jesus! Now I sound like a pathetic little bitch!_ It was evident he was out of practice with the opposite sex. _Maybe I should go put in my manpon and get the hell out of here. _

"The phone works both ways, Dean," she stated hotly. "I'm sorry I didn't call you. Like I said, I've had shit going on in my life. And from what I hear, you've been busy. I'm not pissy over the fact I've not heard from you in seven years, you shouldn't be either."

He blew out a breath and realized she was right. Besides the fact that he had stupidly deleted her number after too much booze and reflecting on her leaving him that night, he wouldn't have been in the right place emotionally to have seen her anyway. He knew that. And if he were being honest with himself, being here with her probably wasn't his greatest idea, but he'd never been one for great ideas anyway.

She seemed to be watching him think because she smiled. "Got your shit straightened out in that pretty little head of yours, Winchester? Ready to come back to the now, are we?"

"You little…" he began as he started tickling her.

Her cries and giggles soon gave way to moans as his tickles became gentle touches that were meant to excite her and it took no time at all to have her panting and wanting beneath him. "Please, Dean," she breathed as her hands dove to him, stroking him in his pants. "I need you."

He tore his lips from her neck and stood in a flash, stripping naked quickly before pouncing on her once more. Her eyes were blazing with longing as she growled, "Fuck me, Dean."

He didn't even finish undressing her as he moved her panties to the side and plunged into her. They both cried out in ecstasy as she welcomed him into her heat. "Fuck, Dean," she panted as his hands moved all over her.

"God, you feel incredible," he muttered as his mouth descended to hers. His lips were gentle, yet demanding as her hands grazed his back. God help him, it felt good being in her, like he'd been wandering in the desert and found a drink of water. Her body welcomed him like he'd never left.

Her hands moved over him softly squeezing, massaging his tense muscles and he relaxed into her touch even as he continued to move. She rolled them so she was on top and she moved away from him. He was man enough to admit he whimpered, causing her to smirk as she stood and shimmied playfully out of her underwear before she came back to him and straddled his waist. "I think it's time I ran the show, Dean."

He was all smiles and put his hands behind his head as if he were about to take a nap. "Be my guest, sweetheart."

She lifted herself just slightly before she plunged onto him and his eyes rolled back in his head even as his hands came forward to grasp her hips. "God…so…fucking…" he muttered as she moved.

He looked up at her and was enraptured at the sight of her. She looked like a siren, a witch, a goddess, all power and lust, sent to this world to torture a man so exquisitely he would willingly fall at her feet and worship her.

Her hands traveled up to her hair and she brushed it out of her eyes as his hands traveled up her sides to come around to her breasts. God, he loved her breasts. They fit perfectly in his large hands, almost as if they were made to do so. He fondled each one, causing her to cry out in pleasure as he worked over her nipples before he pulled her down to him to lave each one with his mouth.

She made that face, the one that let him know she was close. Her breath caught and she held it, just like she always did when she orgasmed. His hands traveled once more to her hips, helping her move as the orgasm ripped through her, rendering her almost immobile as the sensations flowed through her. She slid down to him, sated, and he chuckled as he rolled them. "Just lay back, Ryan, let me do all the work now."

She smiled lazily as she looked up at him. "I don't know if you can get another one out of me, Dean. That was terrific."

His smile was predatory as he said, "Oh, I consider that a challenge…" He wasn't one to disappoint.

* * *

They lay sated, sweaty, and breathless as they both came down from their highs. "Fuck me, that was excellent," she muttered.

He chuckled and leaned over to kiss her naked breast. "You act as if it's been years, Ryan."

"It has been," she breathed.

"What?"

She looked at him and turned over onto her stomach to look him in the eye. "It _has_ been years, Dean. I haven't been with anyone."

"Since me?!" he asked, bewildered.

She nodded and kissed his chest, biting his nipple just slightly, sending a shiver through him.

"But…why?" he inquired. She was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever been with. She was bad ass and kind and not afraid of anything… "Ryan, why haven't you been with anyone else?"

She shrugged and turned away from him to stand. He watched as she slipped on his undershirt and her underwear. She'd lost the shoes sometime during the sex, though he wasn't exactly sure when. It got a little hazy after he got naked. "I'm hungry. Want me to call in something to eat?"

"Ryan…" he warned as he sat up.

She turned to him and he hated seeing the sadness in her eyes. "Look, Dean, you know I'm messed up, right? So, I'm not comfortable around men, except you. Sue me."

"Ry, that's not…well, it's not the healthiest thing in the world."

She let out a flat laugh. "Hello? Are you listening to yourself? Like you're the poster child for healthy living?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay, you're right, but still, Ry, you've gotta try…"

Her eyebrow rose and she sauntered back to the bed and slithered up to him. "You mean to tell me you _want _me to be with other guys? You want to know that I _fuck _other men? You want to know that other men have been _inside _me, Dean?"

She was bating him. He knew it, accepted it, and yet…he grabbed her arms and forced her onto her back as he hovered over her with both her wrists in his hand above her head. He had two choices now; either he kissed her until they fucked again and avoided this topic, or he got what was on his chest out in the open. He wasn't the type comfortable with his feelings, but he knew she needed to hear what he had to say. "No, you know that's not what I want. Damn it, Ryan, of course a man wants to think a woman's only ever been with him. We're simple creatures. But I know, for a fact, I know, you need to be with men besides me."

Something warred in her eyes, something he couldn't make out, but it was gone before he could decipher it and cold petulance settled in its place. "Well, I don't want to. Why would I settle for ground chuck when I could have Grade: A Sirloin?"

He blinked and grinned despite himself. "Did you just compare me to a side of meat?" He wasn't sure how to take that…was it a compliment?

She giggled and reached up to kiss his lips. "Dean, I'm not interested in sex, well, except with you. It's not a big thing, I just don't feel safe enough to let myself go around anyone else. Consider it a compliment or not, I don't care, but that's how I feel."

"So…really, just me?" _Damn it, Dean, shut the fuck up already! _he growled internally.

She smiled. "Yes."

"Wow." He didn't quite know how to process that. "Why me?"

Her smile grew. "Just because you're you."

He felt like he needed to say more, to ask more, to just…get more information out of her, but he couldn't. Not right now. Not when the emotions were rolling through him like a storm on the ocean. It was bubbling and building like a hurricane and the gale force winds were starting to blow.

As if she sensed it, she gave him a peck on the lips and snuck out from under him, breaking his hold on her wrists. "Pizza, burgers, or Chinese?"

"Burgers, definitely," he stated without thinking.

"No onion," she declared flatly as she reached for the phone book on the beside table.

"Damn it." He loved onion. "Chili cheese fries?" he asked hopefully.

She grinned. "And milkshakes."

"Sold."

She called in the order while he got dressed. She was good…she somehow knew just exactly what to order him and Sam as well. That reminded him… "What happened between you and Sam?" he asked when she hung up the phone and sauntered to the bathroom to clean up a bit.

"What?" she asked from behind the door.

"Between you and Sam," he clarified as she walked out, now naked once more. He looked away from her then, to give her a hint of privacy, not that she needed it. She seemed completely comfortable to be sashaying around nude in front of him. "I saw you," he told her. "You were…cold, Ryan. I've never seen you like that."

She shrugged. "You don't know me very well, Dean," she stated offhandedly as she rummaged around in her duffle.

"Don't hand that to me, Ryan. I know you plenty well enough."

She slid into a pair of jeans _sans underwear, _he noted, and into a tee shirt _minus a bra, score! _before she looked at him. "It was nothing."

He forced himself to focus on their conversation as she sat to put on her boots. "No, Ryan, it was something. I saw…fear in your eyes. You were scared of Sam."

"He didn't act like he did today."

"He was soulless," Dean told her quickly. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to explain his kid brother to her, but he wanted to. "He was soulless and almost got me killed, too."

She paused as she laced up one boot and glanced at him. "Does that make it okay?" she questioned hotly.

"No, of course not, I just…what happened?"

"I told you. A Rawhead came after kids in my town. I chased it from Kentucky down through Tennessee, to Arkansas. I called Bobby, who gave me Mark's number, which I already had. He brought Sam along, told me you guys were cousins."

"Yeah, and?"

She took a breath and blew it out. "And we hunted the damn thing. Set a trap, killed it."

"And you almost got killed?" he prompted.

She opened her mouth and closed it once, as if trying to decide what to say.

"Don't spare my feelings, Ryan. If he did something to you, said something to you…Sam was a real douche without his soul. He looked at things differently."

A tear ran down her face and she shook her head. "It's fine. He said…some stuff, nothing that would have bothered me had it come from you, I was just…on edge. He was…he was scary, I guess is a good word for it. I don't scare easily anymore, but he scared me."

Dean's hands balled into fists. For her to admit Sam scared her, that meant he'd come onto her, and didn't want to take 'no' for an answer. _What the fuck happened?_ He knew Sam without a soul was like him on ecstasy, he'd fuck anything that stood still. But he hadn't _hurt _Ryan, did he? "He didn't…" he couldn't finish the sentence. Instead, he asked, "Do I need to…?"

"No. He didn't touch me, Dean."

"You promise?"

She smiled slightly at that. "Even soulless, I don't think Sam is capable of _that, _do you?"

He wasn't sure _what _Sam was capable of without a soul. He didn't want to think about it.

"Besides, he didn't know, did he? You said he doesn't remember that time. I believe you. And talking to him what little I did today, I have to see how he was last time wasn't the norm."

"You got hurt…" he insisted. "The claw marks on your back…they were from the Rawhead, weren't they?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "It had my scent, so we knew it wouldn't let me take the kids upstairs. Sam and I fought it. It threw us both around a little bit. Sam shoved me, I landed against it, it dug its claws into me, Sam killed it."

He waited for more, and when she didn't speak again, he shook his head. He didn't want to know, but he couldn't stop himself from asking; "Did he push you into that thing on purpose?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "I don't know. Right after it happened, I was sure, but then he seemed remorseful for it, so I thought maybe I was imagining things. It's all good. I healed." Her tone suggested she still hold a grudge, though. "It's fine, Dean," she stated tiredly. "Look, I don't know if he did it on purpose or not, and now that it's over? It doesn't matter one damn bit. I lived through it."

"He really isn't like that…" Dean began.

She smiled softly. "I know. I'm a friend of Bobby's, remember?"

Dean winced. "Sometimes…well, I don't think Bobby is Sam's biggest fan…" Sam had said and done a lot of shit to Bobby through their relationship.

She shook her head. "Bobby loves you boys, both of you."

_We love him too, _but Dean didn't say it. He was a Winchester. They might use a lot of four letter words, but "love" wasn't one of them. Not even dying breaths were used for the "L" word. "Come on, let's go over to Sam's room, hash this stuff out, see if he's found anything useful…"

He held the door open for her and she smiled slightly as she walked out. He glimpsed across the way and saw a vending machine. "Damn, I could use some M&amp;M's. You want something?"

She rolled her eyes. "The food is on its way, Dean."

"But I'm hungry now," he couldn't help the whine.

She giggled. "Sure. Whatever is fine. The only candy I don't eat is Whoppers and licorice."

"You don't eat licorice either? Damn communists. What's the matter with you and Sam?"

She laughed out loud. "Let it go, Dean."

He pointed out which room was Sam's before muttering under his breath as he walked to the machine. "No taste, either of them. What's their deal? Can't believe they don't like licorice…" He walked up to the machine and peeked inside. They didn't have M&amp;M's, he guessed because it was an outside machine, but they did have Skittles for her and Twizzlers for him, so he supposed that would work. He grabbed both items, also buying a pack of gum, then made his way back to Sam's room.

He walked in and saw Ryan pointing at something on the computer screen over Sam's shoulder. Their heads were close together as they discussed locations of the vampire nest and his heart warmed. Ryan must be the forgiving sort, because when she lifted her head, he saw no animosity toward his younger brother. That was nice. He didn't want there to be friction. Besides, if they were going to work together, they needed to work _well _together.

He tossed her the bag of candy and she caught it deftly. He was glad. The woman had some great reflexes. _In every area, apparently. _

She glanced down at the candy in her hand and her brows knit. He wondered briefly if maybe she didn't like them anymore when she whispered, "You remembered."

He blinked at her tone. She almost sounded close to tears. _What's up with that? _he wondered, but he just shrugged as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Well, yeah. You do still like Skittles, don't you?"

She looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"Still separate them to eat them?" he teased.

She chuckled and sat in the chair next to Sam before she ripped the bag open, up-ending it onto the table. "Damn right I do," she muttered as she began separating them.

He saw Sam glance between the two of them and Dean laughed. "Don't ask, Sammy. She's…finicky."

"Ain't done it," she muttered as she finished her task and tossed a purple one at him. He maneuvered so he could catch it in his mouth and she giggled. "I didn't know you were a circus freak, Dean."

"Ha, ha, ha," he deadpanned. She didn't have quite the southern accent she did as a child, or even in college, but every once in a while, it was definitely there. He held in a smile as he asked, "So, we gonna talk strategy, or are you going to feed me food like I'm some kind of sheik or something?"

She rolled her eyes. "As if your already inflated ego needs a boost."

"You can't inflate what is known to be…big," he told her.

She shot him a look before she turned to Sam. "As I was saying…" then she was off, describing what must have been her previous vampire hunt. He listened intently as she regaled Sam with the tale, making him laugh as she described hunting with a fellow hunter who really wasn't cut out for the life, but he marveled at her. She was a hunter, a damn good one, probably even better than himself. She had the physical stamina, too. He hadn't seen her in action, but as she told the story, he could imagine her in his mind's eye. She would make an excellent hunting companion for someone if only she would agree to hunt full time. He wondered what was holding her back from that, but decided now wasn't the time to ask.

They switched gears then and talked about their current case, pausing only when the food was delivered and she refused to let them pay for it. When Dean started to argue with her, her eyebrow shot up. "This ain't a date, Dean. If it was, your ass would be taking me out for a damned rib eye steak at a restaurant I have to wear a dress to. Capice?"

He could only nod then, wondering how good she would look going out on a date with him. Did she even own a dress? He'd never seen her in one.

"So…" Sam began. He had a few ideas of where the nest could be and they decided to hit it in the morning after first light since the vamps were a bit more sensitive in the daytime.

"Ya'll got your machete's sharpened?" Ryan asked as she stole one of Dean's fries.

He smirked. "Careful," he admonished. "You'll draw back a nub."

She leaned over and bit _his_ finger before stealing another fry.

"Evil wench," he growled.

She giggled and popped a cheese stick in his mouth.

"Ahhh," he said around the gooey deliciousness. "Nirvana."

She rolled her eyes and swiped some of his milkshake.

"Damn it, woman, why you stealing my food? A man's gotta keep up his energy!"

"One swig of chocolate, Dean. For fuck's sake, you're such a child. I just wanted to try it."

"Well why the fuck didn't you order a chocolate one?"

"Because I wanted to try the peach," she stated simply. "The guy said it was one of their special flavors."

Dean glared at her for a moment.

Ryan smiled seductively, evilly, before she lowered her voice and breathed, "Besides, I could eat a peach for _hours._"

His brain short circuited at that statement and he sat there, dumbfounded. _Aaaaannnnddd…cue the erection_, he thought.

He heard Sam clapping from across the table. "Bravo, Ryan. A Plus for the use of the perfect 'Face/Off' quote, and extra bonus points for rendering Dean Winchester speechless."

Ryan smirked and offered Sam a high-five.

Dean's eyes narrowed as he heard Sam trying and failing to hold in a snort of laughter. He cut his eyes his brother's way. "Something funny, little brother?"

Sam just grinned and nodded his head. "I think you met your match, Dean."

Dean agreed with him.

Ryan got up then and walked to the wall where Sam had taped up a map of the area along with pen marks of the most likely locations for the nest. Dean watched her long fingers trailing over the lines that signified roads. "How many vamps you think are there?"

"Well," Sam began, and Dean heard his voice change, all playfulness gone as he slipped into research mode. "Usually there aren't many in a nest, though, we have seen an increase…"

"But that was last year," Dean threw out. "That was before the alpha was taken and then escaped."

"Alpha?" she asked as she sank back down into the chair.

Sam nodded. "Every creature has a…a father, a first-born of the evil, from Eve, who was the creator of vampires, werewolves, monsters in general. The alphas are the first ones."

"And they're still alive?"

Sam shrugged. "Stranger things have happened."

Ryan let out a snort. "Too true."

Dean faked a yawn and stretched. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get my four hours in."

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Dean, it's like, eight o'clock. I'd say we have a while before first light."

He leaned into her and whispered, "Yeah, but I'm not done having my wicked way with you yet."

She leaned back, gave him a mischievous smirk, and stood. "Goodnight, Sam."

Sam grinned despite himself. "Goodnight, Ryan."

Both men watched as she sauntered to the door and left. Sam let out a low whistle. "You sure you know what you're doing with this chick, Dean?"

Dean couldn't help the grin. "Not a fucking clue."

"At least you're honest," Sam replied.

Dean was still smiling as he made his way back to her room. He walked in and found her lounging on the sofa with a book in her hand, reading. A glance at the TV showed something playing with the volume turned down low. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

She shrugged as she basically ignored him and continued reading as she spoke; "You're tired. So I just figured I would read a little while…"

He plopped next to her on the sofa and instead of asking her, moved her hand slightly to see what she was reading. "Harry Potter? Really? Don't we get enough of witches as it is?" _Do you not remember a witch almost killed you last time we were together? _He hadn't forgotten what she told him about the hex bag in her room.

She grinned. "I like the stories. If witches acted like this, I wouldn't care so much."

"At least you're not reading those shitty vampire books."

She looked at him and he sighed. "No, God, don't tell me you've read them."

She rolled her eyes. "They aren't quite that bad."

"I thought you had decent taste."

She just shrugged again.

"Why do you want to read about that kind of stuff anyway? We live it."

She looked at him and smirked. "I like to pick them apart. Me and a few other female hunters have decided we should write our own books where the heroine makes the monster think she fell in love with him then rip his heart out and kill him."

"It would sell millions," he mused.

She nodded. "I know. Now, to just find one of us that can write worth a damn…"

He turned his attention to the TV, wondering how long it would take before she gave in to him, but she kept reading, maneuvering so she was resting against him. It was…comfortable. But he wasn't ready to relax and be comfortable. He was already jonesing for his next hit of Ryan. So, he did what any redblooded man would do. He grabbed her legs, turning her around to put her feet in his lap. He then slowly and deliberately tossed her boots to the floor and started massaging.

At first, it looked like he wouldn't break her, but then he started moving his hands up her calves, massaging, then, moved to her thighs, and then, finally, thank _God _she let out a moan and tossed her book to the floor.

He pulled her legs until she was lying on the sofa under him. She looked up at him and smiled. "You know, if you wanted to fuck me, all you had to do was ask."

He nuzzled her neck as his hands began roaming over her chest, squeezing, pinching, eliciting whimpers of pleasure from her. "I'm not asking. I'm telling."

She grinned. "I like Dominating Dean. He's sexy."

"Is that so? And what other Deans do you like?"

She shoved him away so he was sitting once more and she straddled his waist as her hands fisted in his short hair. "Every Dean. Every single one."

He pulled her tee shirt off, dragging her flannel shirt with it thankful she was braless underneath. "You know, you wear too many clothes."

She giggled. "I'm not the only one, Winchester," she admonished gently as she, too, divested him of his shirts.

"Guess we need to remedy that."

She shook her head and slithered down him to unfasten his pants. She looked up at him with hooded eyes. "Do you like it when a woman goes down on you, Dean?"

He'd be lying if he said 'no' so he just nodded softly. "But, uh, you don't have to…"

She smirked and kissed his stomach. "Dean, just because I don't have the physical experience, doesn't mean I don't grasp the practical application. I'm a reader."

"They have books on this subject?" he squeaked as she tugged his pants down, freeing him.

She licked her lips predatorily and nodded. "Oh, yes. And I'm a quick learner."

Her hot breath ghosted over him and his eyes rolled back in his head as she began her torture.

* * *

Hours later, he was woken out of a dead sleep by a scream that pierced the night. "Ryan?" he murmured, feeling for her. When he realized he was alone, he jumped up. "Ryan? Ryan where are you?"

A quick glance around the room and the bath showed that she wasn't there. He threw on the pair of jeans that were piled next to the couch, grabbed his gun, and dashed out the door barefoot just as Sam emerged from his room down the way. "What was that?" Sam asked sleepily, though Dean noticed he, too, had his gun in his hand.

Dean ignored him as he ran toward the vending machine where a purse was spilled out on the ground next to a knife and small pool of blood. He thought he recognized the knife and he felt dread pit in his stomach. A peek at the fake driver's license declared his worst thoughts had been realized. "God, no…" it was Ryan's.

"Damn it!" Dean shouted into the night.

"Calm down, man."

"Calm down? How the fuck do I calm down? Who took her, Sammy? Huh?"

Their eyes met and Dean felt the blood leave his face. "God…you don't think…"

"If there is a nest, and they're on the offensive because they've got a newbie in their midst, they would be looking for hunters…"

"Fuck," Dean bit out as he gathered her purse and knife. He didn't say anything to Sam as he made his way back to Ryan's room. He dressed in record time and quickly dashed to Sam's room. "What have you found, Sammy?" Dean asked as soon as he breached the door. He knew his brother had to have continued his research after he and Ryan went back to her room.

Sam was just tying his boots. "Well, I've got to think the vampires know we're here. That's why they took her. Someone knows we're here. And that someone is pissed."

"Damn it to fucking hell! Why her?"

Sam shrugged. "It could be just because they got her alone. What was she doing out there anyway?"

"Vending machine. She's got a sweet tooth. After sex, she usually likes chocolate. We, uh, we ran out earlier in the night…guess she didn't know the vending machine didn't have chocolate in it…"

Sam chuckled flatly. "Okay, well, after you two…left, I found a few more abandoned buildings their nest could be in. After looking at geological surveys as well as growth in a few of the areas, I narrowed it down to two, but the most likely place is an old textile plant just off the Interstate. It seems the most logical place they could be."

Dean nodded. "Great. Let's get our shit together and get her back…"

"Dean, if they took her out of spite, the odds of her being alive…"

"Damn it, Sammy, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it! And when we find her alive, you can apologize to her for not believing her strong enough to live through whatever the hell they want to do with her."

Sam stopped short. "That's just it…why her? Obviously it's a trap, but you don't think they would…"

Dean paled as he realized, just like with Gordon, and with himself, the most satisfying thing for a vampire to do was to turn a hunter. "God, we've got to move, Sammy! We've got to get her before it's too late!"

* * *

Dean drove like a hellhound was on his ass, making the trip that should have taken twenty minutes in just under eight. If Sam was terrified of his driving, or had reservations about storming the nest in the middle of the night, he had the common sense to keep his damn mouth shut and didn't make a sound as they made their way to find the nest.

They stopped just about a half mile from the building and gathered up syringes of dead man's blood as well as their machetes and a few other tools they might need. "We got everything for the cure?" Dean bit out as he stowed a few additional syringes in his pants pocket.

"Yeah. After…after you, I made sure we kept the stuff in here, just in case."

Dean shot him a look. "Glad to see, even soulless, you were a decent hunter."

Sam sent a sour look his way, but stayed silent. They hiked the rest of the way in and cautiously made their way into the building.

The outside wasn't guarded, and that put both their backs up as they stayed on high alert looking for vampires as Sam picked the lock and they made their way inside. One, two, three, and then five, six, seven, vampires came out of the woodwork until they were surrounded. Dean smiled as one of them eyed him hungrily. "You want a bite, little bit?" he asked the girl who couldn't have been more than five feet tall.

"Pity Monroe said we can't play with our food," she pouted. "I would enjoy playing with you!" she lunged and the fight was on. It seemed as though every time one vampire went down, two more took its place and the fight went on forever it seemed. Both Winchesters were exhausted as they fought until the sun began lighting the dark space. Finally, with blood sprayed all over them, they deemed themselves winners of this particular battle and went in search of Ryan.

They made their way to the end of a long, narrow hallway to a locked door where they heard moaning. "This is it," Dean muttered as he dropped down to pick the lock. Just then, two more vampires came up on them.

Sam worked keeping them busy while Dean finished the lock and Dean whipped around, beheading a third trying to sneak up on them. They dispatched the two Sam was fighting and Dean spat, "Damn it. How many of these fuckers are there?"

"T-twenty-three," came the weak reply from inside the room. _Ryan. Thank God, _Dean thought. "I took out four before they got the best of me…" she added.

Dean and Sam rushed in to find Ryan lying on the floor in a pool of blood, bite marks marring most of her scantly clad body. "God, Ryan, are you okay?" Dean asked as he dropped down beside her.

"N-no," she began feebly.

Dean helped her to a sitting position and looked at her. "Sam…" he started moments before her eyes went wild and she tried to attack him. "Damn it!" he cried as they both went down.

Sam grabbed her and held her arms behind her back as she snarled, teeth descended.

"Fuck," Dean muttered as he looked at her. "Just what we need. You got a plan?"

Sam's eyebrow shot up. "Me?" he managed as he held the thrashing woman. "You're asking _me_ if I have a plan?"

Dean just shot him a glare before he winced and stood. She was strong for a woman, being a hunter, but being a vamp was giving her super strength. He was sore just from him attacking her already. "Ryan, Ryan, baby, come on, you gotta tell me which one did this to you, okay?"

She was about half wild and he grasped her face as she snarled. "Ryan! Damn it, listen to me!"

"Kill me!" she screamed. "Do it! Before I hurt you!"

He gripped her shoulders, higher than where Sam was holding her. "Ryan, we can fix this!"

"Dude, she's way more crazed than you were at this stage of the transformation. Why do you think that is?" Sam wondered aloud.

Dean didn't know and he didn't care as he eyed her.

Suddenly, her eyes widened in awareness. "Dean, wait, before you kill me, I gotta tell you something…"

"Shut the fuck up, Ryan. Which bloodsucker did this?"

"Th-the pale one, albino looking dude. Dean…" she snarled again and lurched in Sam's arms.

Yeah, she was way more crazed than he had been, but he hadn't been bitten, either. She looked as though she was running about a quart low. They would probably need to get her a blood transfusion, too and he thanked God he was O Negative. "You didn't feed, did you, Ryan?" When she wouldn't stop squirming, Dean slapped her across the face.

Instead of being pissed like he figured she would, she started whining and moaning. "God, you smell so good…your blood is so loud…"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I remember that. It's a bitch, too."

"What?"

Dean shook his head. "Never mind. I'll explain later. Did you drink human blood? Damn it, Ryan, it's important!"

"No! No! I need it, Dean. Kill me before it's too late. But you need to go to my room…look in my bag. I have to tell you…"

"Shut up," he commanded again. "I'll fix you and save your ass again, Ryan."

She smirked, a brief vision of her former self. Dean sucked in a breath. "Sorry, sweetheart, this is for your own good," he muttered before he cold-clocked her.

She went limp in Sam's arms and Sam caught her as she slumped. "Think we can get her back to the motel before she wakes?"

Dean blew out a breath. "Here's hoping…" he eyed her warily the whole way out of the warehouse, keeping an eye out for any other vampires on the way to the car. He held the door to the Impala open and Sam slipped her onto the back seat. "I'll-I'll stay with her," Dean stated uncertainly. "She said it was an albino looking dude that bit her."

Sam looked at his brother for a moment as if he wanted to say something, but Dean narrowed his eyes. "God, Sammy, go, alright?"

Sam shot him a look and ran back to the warehouse. Dean looked down at the unconscious woman before he slipped into the back seat with her, swiping her hair away from her face as he picked up her head and put it in his lap. They had stripped her down to just her underwear and his tee shirt and he could see all the bite marks. He counted them and his anger grew. There were two or three very close to the juncture of her thighs and he fervently hoped they hadn't done anything else to her besides bit her and gave her the vamp blood. He would never be able to forgive himself if they had done…that to her. He couldn't even think the word.

Sam came jogging back just a few minutes later and with raised eyebrows, slid behind the wheel as Dean tossed him the keys. "Drive, man," Dean choked out.

Sam nodded and the ride back to the motel was silent.

When they arrived, Dean picked her up carried her back into her room. He contemplated laying her on the bed, but Sam walked over and held out a chair to sit her in. "I'll get the chains," Sam commented before he strode back out to the car.

He held her up until Sam wrapped the chains around her tightly and padlocked them. "Is that really necessary, man?" Dean asked.

"She almost bit your head off after being only a few hours old, Dean. I don't know if it's because her sire was super close to the alpha, or if it is because she was bitten so many times, or if it's something else entirely, but it isn't normal. I'm not even sure this will work."

"Of course it will!" Dean shouted. "It has to!"

Sam held up his hands. "Dude, I'm just being practical. She didn't act like you did."

"How many newbie vamps you seen, Sam? Maybe it's cuz she's a woman. Maybe it's cuz she was bitten. Hell, I don't think we'll ever know. But we can't just chop her head off and call it done, ya know?"

Sam nodded. "I brought in the first aid kit so we can bandage those bites. She should be alright, but they need to be cleaned and fixed up."

Dean nodded. "I'll do that. We got any whiskey?"

Sam pulled the bottle out of the bag. "Yep. I think we need to give her some blood, too. We get the vamp out of her and we can give her a pint or two. You going to give her blood or you want me to?"

"I'll do it."

Sam's jaw ticked, but he didn't say anything. Dean didn't say it, but he didn't want Sam's truck of crazy mixed with Ryan's bucket of crazy to send the girl into overdrive. He didn't know how much of that shit went through the blood, but he figured his blood might not be quite as tainted as Sam's.

"Alright, well, I'm going to go get her some Gatorade and crackers for after the treatment. You know you felt like shit for hours after it was done and over with."

Dean nodded. "Thanks, Sam. Really."

"She's gonna be okay," Sam said softly, putting his hand on Dean's arm.

Dean eyes lit on Ryan. She looked pitiful with bite marks all over her, still dressed in a dirty tee-shirt and underwear, chained to a damn chair. "I hope so."

He turned to the bathroom just as he heard Sam close the door. He grabbed towels and washcloths, then began patching her up as best he could around the chains. He hated seeing her in them, but understood she probably needed them. They didn't need her coming to and escaping.

After he counted all eighteen bite marks and growled as he cleaned and bandaged each one, he went to her bag and rummaged through it looking for her some clean clothes to change into. He found her clothes organized neatly in rolls and he smirked a little. They had a lot in common, but she was more like Sam in regards to her organizational and OCD personality traits. He found a roll that was extremely soft. He unrolled a tee shirt with Tinkerbelle on it and a pair of black yoga pants. He figured she had probably brought those to sleep in. _Too bad. You slept naked. With me, _he thought with a smirk. He then snooped around until he found the pouch containing her underclothes. He snagged a pair of light green underwear, which, to be honest, kinda made him feel a bit pervy, digging through her panties, and he also was borderline ashamed at his reaction to said digging.

He cleared his throat and sat the items aside. It was then, he noticed her phone. He felt bad for not having her number. He should go into her phone and find it, right? He turned it on and the face of a smiling girl lit her screen.

He smirked at the kid, wondering who she was. Ryan didn't have any family left that he knew of. Her words of _you don't know me very well _rang in his head. Well, that much was true. Maybe she had a cousin or something. Or a best friend with kids. He didn't mull over it too long though. He quickly went to her contacts and found "My Number" and put it in his phone. Curiosity got the better of him, though, and he scrolled through her list of contacts. She had a ton of them, quite a few he recognized like Bobby Cell, Bobby Other Cell, Bobby Other Other Cell, Bobby FBI number, then he scrolled down to the W's…there he was. She still had his number. She had Sam's numbers, too. He quickly added in his other numbers just in case she would ever need him, then shut her phone back off.

She moaned and he blinked, realizing Sam should be back soon so they could start making the cure.

He stopped, though, and looked at her another moment. She was almost dead because of him. If she had been hunting on her own, she would have been more cautious, would have watched herself better. Granted, it would have taken someone else to have hunted with her to slay that whole nest, but she would have called someone else in. She was cautious, he could tell. She didn't run into the fray like he did, with barely a thought, just the thrill of battle in his blood. She was a thinker, a planner, like Sam, not a grunt like him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't put her in danger this way again. It was stupid.

With his mind made up, he quickly gathered his clothes from the night before, his stuff, what little he had gotten out of his bag, in any case, and packed it all away in his duffle, sitting it on the end of the bed. When Sam got back, he'd have him go gather his stuff. They needed to leave. He couldn't…he would do something stupid if he was around her much longer. That connection he felt every time she was near was almost too much for him. He couldn't…he just…couldn't.

He went and cleaned himself up a bit, changing into a shirt that wasn't covered in dried vamp blood, washed off his face, downed a shot of whiskey, and by the time he finished, Sam was back with the supplies.

"What'd you get?" Dean wanted to know.

"Grabbed the gear from the trunk, then got some Gatorade for her and some crackers, plus some Gatorade for you."

"The fuck I need Gatorade for?"

Sam shot him a look. "Dude, you already lost some blood from getting beat around that damn warehouse. You're going to give Ryan some more. The Gatorade will at least replace your electrolytes."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Shoulda become a nurse, _Samantha_."

"Ha, ha, fucking ha," Sam deadpanned as he began sitting out the ingredients.

The brothers worked side by side preparing the elixir, both quiet with their own thoughts. "She should be waking up soon, don't you think?" Dean asked suddenly. Rarely had he hit someone to knock them out then sat around waiting for them to wake up. "I didn't hit her too hard, did I?"

Sam held in a smirk, but shook his head. "She'll be fine, Dean. You hit like a girl."

"Bitch," he muttered under his breath.

"Jerk," Sam replied just as softly.

Dean's eyes darted to Sam, who was smiling. "Dude, she's fine. We get this cure in her, she'll be perfect." He paused. "Do you wanna…I mean…we can research the Leviathans from here…"

Dean shook his head. He couldn't do this. Hadn't he already decided that? One night was fine, but he couldn't have feelings for this girl. Not now, not right after Lisa and Ben. "Let me finish this, you go pack the car."

"But…Dean…"

"Do it, Sam. She'll take the cure, we'll stay, make sure she's okay, then we're gone. We need to hit the road."

Sam's bitchface made an appearance. "You're being an asshole about this."

Dean shrugged. "What else do I know to be? Asshole should be my middle name."

Sam didn't argue with him.

"Look, she's got her own life, man, we can't go dragging her into ours."

"Maybe she wants to be dragged into your life, Dean," Sam reminded him softly.

Dean shook his head. "Me and you. That's all we need."

"You're making a mistake to walk away, Dean. This girl…she's good for you."

"Yeah, and I'm no good for her, no good for anyone."

"Dean…"

"Damn it, Sam, don't argue, okay? Grab my bag and get your shit packed up, alright? I'll text you when she's awake so we can give her some blood before we blow outta here."

Sam took in a deep breath, blew it out hotly, stomped to the bed where Dean's duffle was waiting, then stormed out the door.

Dean jumped slightly as it slammed behind his brother. He was doing the right thing for Ryan by walking away. He knew it.

* * *

She came to just as Dean was squirting the demon-spawn's blood into the cup. "Okay, one Campbell cure-all for the lady, and for the gent, a bottle of the cheapest ass whiskey I could find."

"Wh-what? Dean…what are you doing?"

He unlocked the padlock and removed the iron chains from around her waist and arms, then proceeded to hand her the cup. "Drink it."

She eyed it warily. "Why?"

He smirked. "Because I'm saving your ass again, babe. Didn't you get the memo?"

She blinked. "I'm confused."

"Drink."

She did as commanded and up-ended the mug, downing it in one. "What are you talking about? There is a cure for vampirism…?" That was all she managed and he quickly grabbed the trash can, holding it under her mouth as she began to vomit.

"Shhh," he muttered, holding back her hair as she started yacking her guts out. "It'll all be over soon," he comforted her as best he could. He remembered all too well how awful this cure was. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, hopefully soothingly as he whispered encouragement to her.

It felt like an eternity later to Dean when she finally stopped throwing up and curled into the fetal position on the floor of the bathroom, where they had moved during a moment's pause in her vomiting. Next time they used this cure, he was going to make damn sure the person was already _in _the bathroom.

"Come on," Dean muttered as he scooped her up and gently sat her on the chair. He felt her eyes on him as he grabbed the clothes he'd laid out for her from the table. "Come on, raise your arms, sweetcheeks. Let me change your shirt."

He could tell it took a concentrated effort for her to do as he directed. He slid her out of her dirty tee and into a clean one he'd picked up. He quickly helped her out of her panties and into the clean ones, mindful of the bandages covering the bites, then did the same with her pants. By the time they were done, she was wobbling on her feet in his arms. "I got 'cha," he murmured as he bent to pick her up again, this time, taking her to lie on the bed.

He had the bottle of Gatorade Sam had brought back and some of the saltine crackers waiting as well for when she was ready. Sam had also bitched at him about the other bottle of Gatorade he was supposed to down when the transfusion was over. Like he wanted some damn sports drink, but Sam was being stubborn. When wasn't Sam being stubborn? He flipped out his phone and texted his asshole brother to come back over.

"Wh-what the hell was that?" she managed.

He chuckled. "Apparently our family on our mother's side was all hunters. This was my great-something-or-other-grandfather's recipe. As long as you haven't fed from a human, we can turn you back into one. No vampy side-effects."

"I don't believe it," she muttered, sounding amazed even though she also sounded exhausted.

He shrugged. "It's true. I'm not only an advertisement, I'm also a user."

"You tried it, too?"

He nodded. "Unfortunately we had an issue a while back and I was turned. I killed every one of those fuckers in that den and then I was turned back."

"G-good to know," she whispered as she started shivering.

"Ah, yeah, side effects may include sweating, fever, chills, delusions, relapsed memories, guilt and anger."

She smiled slightly. "Well then, if that's all…" she blinked, yawned, and looked at the door just as Sam walked in.

"Hey, Ryan," Sam said softly with a smile. "You still living?"

She nodded tiredly. "Apparently still human, too, thanks to you guys."

"And soon you'll be topped off," Dean said as he slipped off his flannel shirt and sat next to her on the bed.

At her furrowed brows, Dean added, "You're running about a quart low. I'm O Negative. You don't have a problem with me giving you blood, do you? I swear, I'm clean. Well, no diseases anyway…" Clean wasn't exactly the word he would use to describe himself, but he was disease free. He might fuck around a lot, but he had been adamant about being clean for Lisa. He'd gotten tested shortly after he moved in with her, just to be safe. And since he hadn't been with anyone since her, he knew he was okay to be donating blood to Ryan.

She laid a hand on his. "I trust you with every part of me, Dean. You know that. I always have."

Their eyes met and he saw a million things in her eyes he wanted to question her about, but he didn't. He couldn't do this, couldn't go there. Not now. He tore his gaze away from hers and looked at Sam. "You good to go, Sammy?"

Sam held up a needle attached to some tubing. "Yep. Let's get you transfused."

They hadn't had to do it too often, but Dean was glad Sam was there. He was almost as good at drawing blood as a nurse, and Dean had teased him about it more than once. Sam stuck him first, kinking off the tubing with a pair of hemostats they'd stolen from a hospital once upon a time. He then moved over to Ryan's arm and repeated the gesture.

Ryan looked at him working with something akin to awe. "I wouldn't even know where to start," she muttered as Dean's blood began pumping into her.

"What happened, Ryan?" Sam inquired. "We found your purse and a pool of blood…it wasn't your blood, was it?"

She shook her head. "I grabbed my machete when I walked out to the vending machine, just in case. I wanted some soda and a snack. I heard a noise behind me, turned, and saw five of them. I took three of them down before they grabbed me and knocked me out. I woke up in that room alone. I managed to rip a metal table leg off one of the tables in the room…surprised the first guy that came in and beheaded him. I was trying to run out of there when they caught me and started using me as a snack. That was when the head vampire showed up, decided to change me. Apparently, he was going to originally use me as bait, but then, I guess he decided he liked me." She shivered. "Anyway, so, that's it."

His stomach knotted. The vamp _liked _her? What did that mean? He remembered where he'd treated those bite marks, up on her thighs… "The bite marks…" Dean started. "They…they didn't…he didn't do anything else, did he?"

She bit her lip and shook her head softly. "No. He was more interested in changing me than anything else."

"Good."

They were silent a few moments as Dean's blood continued to pump into her.

"You both okay?" Sam asked softly as he pulled the needle out of Dean's arm and kinked the line again.

Dean was starting to feel a little woozy, but he figured that was because he'd lost a little bit of blood himself as he'd been tossed about the warehouse. Of course, getting his head whacked on by a nest of vampires didn't help any, either. "Yeah, man, I'm fine," he growled. But what Dean really wanted to do, and seriously had to resist the urge, was to just lie down, spoon her, and go the fuck to sleep.

"Me too," Ryan said softly. Dean smiled despite his sudden exhaustion. She was almost asleep. She had managed to drink down about a quarter of the Gatorade, sipping it slowly through a straw Sam had also thought to get.

Sam quickly finished getting the needles out of their arms and bandaged them up. He then checked the various bandages all over her arms and legs covering the bite marks. Dean didn't take it personally. The wounds would probably need to be checked again for infection the next day. Unfortunately, Dean knew they couldn't stay.

Sam then bent down to give Ryan a hug. "You'll be good to go now, Ryan. Take care, okay?"

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Sam, really."

Dean didn't look, but heard the quiet _snick _of the door as Sam walked out before he leaned forward a little to look at her. "He's right, you know. You'll be alright."

"Really? It's done? Over? I'll be fine?"

He nodded again. "As fine as you ever were."

She snorted at that. "Gee, thanks."

He cleared his throat. "So, uh, I'm not so good at this whole Florence Nightingale thing…"

"You gotta take off, right?" she finished for him.

"You will be okay," he wasn't asking, he was telling her.

She nodded. "I always am."

He kissed her forehead. "Good. I'm glad. Take care of yourself."

"I will," she said thickly. "Thank you, Dean. You'll never know how much saving me this time means."

He smiled and then walked out of her life one more time. Sam was waiting, leaning against the Impala wearing the epic bitch face, but Dean ignored him as he tossed the keys his brother's way. He was in no shape to drive.

"Dean…"

He just glared at Sam. He was no good for this woman, no good for any woman. He had to cut his ties, cut his losses, before he developed feelings for her. It was better this way.

Wasn't it?

**An2: So...who's excited for season ten? Dude, I'm stoked. I've been watching interviews and reading spoilers as hard as I can! Don't worry...I won't share them with you, though! PM me if you'd like to talk about them sometime though!**


	6. One of These Nights

**DISCLAIMER: Don't you get it? Supernatural is NOT mine. However, Hope does belong to me. Literally. More explainations at the bottom.**

**TRIGGERS: Somewhat graphic description of rape and torture. You've been warned. **

**A/N: Wow! Thanks for the reviews, Emy! You rock! And thanks for the follows. Here's the next chapter. Longer note at the bottom...**

**NOTE: I just realized I forgot the year Dean was in Purgatory in my timeline. So I've gone back and revised this chapter. If this is your first time reading, you won't notice a difference. Sorry for the confusion!**

* * *

**THREE YEARS LATER** (Tag to episode 9.19 Alex Annie/Alexis Ann)

"Sure it'll work?" Jody asked them of the vampire cure.

"Well, speaking from experience, it'll be a rough couple of days, but…she should pull through. You sure you don't want us to stay?" Dean asked her.

"I'm good," came Jody's reply.

"After it's done, you know what you'll do with her?" Sam questioned.

Jody smiled. "I think I can figure something out." She paused, as if making up her mind about something. "Say, before you head out of town, if you don't have anything pressing, go to the diner. We got a new owner."

"What happened to old Bill?" Dean wanted to know.

"Old Bill retired to Florida with his remaining limbs. Diabetes is a bitch, apparently. New owner came in a little while ago, revamped the menu, pardon the pun. Got some stuff on there I'm sure you boys would like."

"I am hungry," Dean mused causing Sam to roll his eyes.

"I guess we could stop over…"

"Ask to speak to the owner, tell 'em Jody sent ya. They'll get you something decent before you hit the trail."

They both hugged her and got into the car. "Think she's gonna keep the kid?" Dean wondered quietly as he started the engine.

Sam nodded as he watched her head back into the cabin in the side mirror. "She's definitely keeping the kid."

Dean was quiet for a moment. "Good. Jody's been through hell and back. She needs something good in her life."

"Since when did you turn into Doctor Phil?"

"Shut up," was Dean's retort.

They drove back through town stopping in at "Billy's Breakfast Bonanza" and Dean grinned. "Glad to see they didn't change the name."

They walked in and sat down. "What can I get ya?" a bored looking teenager with a Mohawk asked as he dropped two menus on the table.

Dean's eyebrow rose as he took in the kid's obviously interesting fashion choices and the multi-colored…whatever on his head. "Uh, Jody sent us, said to talk to the owner."

The kid shot him a look, then yelled back to the kitchen, "Boss! Jody sent somebody!"

The Winchesters looked at one another and shrugged as they perused their menus. "Maybe she sends all her hunter friends through here?" Sam provided.

"How many hunter friends she got besides us?" Dean countered.

"She does have a life outside of us, Dean."

Dean grinned. "Maybe she's hooking up with the owner."

"Nah, I don't swing that way," the soft, southern voice said from behind him.

He whipped around and his eyes grew wide. "Ryan?" She looked…perfect. Her hair was up in a sloppy ponytail, wisps hanging down on either side, framing her face in a halo of fire, brown eyes sparkling with mischief, as usual, wearing a pair of comfy looking boots, worn jeans, and an old AC/DC tee shirt under a flannel over shirt, which was unbuttoned, but tied in a knot at her waist. She looked good enough to eat.

She smiled. "Hey, Winchesters! What are you two doing in my neck of the woods?"

Both men stood to hug her. She hugged Sam first, then it was Dean's turn. "Your neck of the woods? Since when?" Dean asked as she molded her body to his. Damn, did it feel good having her in his arms again.

She pulled away and looked up into his face for just a moment. He swore she could see right into his soul. It made him uncomfortable. "Since last year. What are ya'll doing up here?"

He was dimly aware she was still in his arms and he honestly didn't care. He wanted her there. She pulled away though, and he sat back down. "We just helped Jody with a…case."

She frowned and sat down next to Dean. He felt the thrill of her proximity go through him as their legs touched. He longed to run his hand up and down her leg, and just barely refrained as she began speaking. "Jody called me, told me to keep an eye on town. I guess I know why, now. Did she get back?"

Sam nodded. "Yes, she's at her family's cabin with…a guest."

Ryan's eyebrows rose. "Will I need to carry anything special with me when I go visit her at the cabin?" she asked warily.

Dean chuckled. "Not that kind of guest. She's recovering from the cure."

Ryan's eyes grew wide and she smirked. "And I take it we aren't talking about the 1970's rock band The Cure, are we?"

Dean turned just slightly and propped himself against the wall so he could look at her as he grinned. Shit, he had forgotten how much _fun _Ryan was to be around. She always caught references he didn't even think of. She had the best sense of humor. "Nah, afraid not. Let's just say the kid's a new member of the 'F.I.N.E.' club."

Ryan let out a sigh. "Yeah, we collect them, don't we? We either belong in the club, or help others who do."

"I think she'll keep this one. Teenage girl, no family…I think she and Jody bonded," Sam stated.

Ryan smiled and Dean couldn't help but notice how it made her whole face glow. "Good. I'm glad. Jody's so wonderful. I've tried to talk her into going out on dates, but, well, she said she had a bad experience…"

Dean snorted. "You could say that."

Ryan chuckled flatly. "Yeah, she told me about Mr. The King and their disaster. The sad thing is, I think she kinda liked him."

Dean's eyebrow shot up. "You met Crowley yet?"

She shivered, just slightly. "No, I, uh, I try to stay away from…" she cleared her throat. "Let's just say black eyes and I still don't mix."

"You haven't had any run-ins lately, have you?" he asked gently.

She shook her head. "Nah, I've been demon free for a while now. I think you boys are keeping them busy. It's just the monsters I deal with on a semi-regular basis. Werewolves, witches, vampires," she paused, "Thanks for leaving me the recipe for the cure, by the way."

Dean caught Sam staring at him and he shrugged. So he'd left the recipe behind when he left. So what? He didn't want her vamped out next time she couldn't handle getting taken. It has still pissed him off that she'd managed to get caught. Or maybe it had something to do with the way he felt when she'd been taken. "Figured a fellow hunter might need it. You haven't had to use it, have you?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Actually, I haven't seen any vamps in a while now. Jody and I have taken care of a few things; a wraith in Montana, a shifter in North Dakota, not much. Last werewolf I saw was about a year or so ago."

"Impressive." He'd have to tease Jody about her hunting partner next time he saw her. But it was her tone when she mentioned the werewolf that gave him pause. "You get hurt lately?"

She shrugged. "Broken leg a while back. Nothing I couldn't handle."

Dean smiled, glad to see whatever freaked her out over that wolf clearly hadn't bothered her since. "Always the bad ass."

She chuckled slightly. "I have to be to keep up with The Winchester Boys. My rep's important to me." She paused and glanced up at the clock. "Say, you guys want something to eat, right? Dean, you still like a heart attack on a plate?"

He grinned. "You know it."

"Sam, you still a health nut?"

Sam shrugged. "You could say that."

"Mig!" she called to the cook. "Gimme a Double Cheeseburger, extra pig, side of cheese fries and a Veggie Deluxe with a side salad!"

"Onion?" Dean asked hopefully.

She smirked. "Mig! Hold the onion on the double!" She winked at him. "Onion breath is so out this season."

Sam chuckled from across the table as Dean pouted. He couldn't help it if he loved onions, nor could he help the fact they usually stayed with him a while.

"What about you? You hungry?" Dean wanted to know.

She smirked. "Oh, not for food."

Dean just smiled.

She went to the counter, going to check on a few customers as she went and he watched her with a half-smile on his face. She flitted about like a butterfly, stopping, resting a hand on an old man's shoulder, handing a little boy a napkin when he dribbled ketchup down his chin, she was…she was home, wasn't she? She'd found herself a place. He didn't know what to think of that. Home, for him, was the bunker. She had done what Ellen had done with the roadhouse, though, this place was definitely a step up from that.

"Dean, earth to Dean," he heard Sam say.

He blinked and turned back to his brother. "What?"

Sam shook his head. "I guess we're not getting back on the road tonight?"

Dean sat back and grinned. "I dunno. Guess we'll wait and see."

Sam just shot him a bored look. "I'll take that as a 'no'.

Dean's retort died on his lips as Ryan put down their drinks along with a glass of water for her. She slid easily down next to him again, just as the kid with the Mohawk brought their food back out. "Thanks, Bo," she said with a wink to the teen, who smiled at her.

"What's up with his hair?" Dean asked as he snagged a fry.

"He's…figuring out who he is. I don't care. He's sweet. And you will _not _make fun of him, Dean Winchester, even if he does look like his mama had an affair with a parrot, okay?"

Dean looked at her for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Okay, okay! I promise!"

Dean grinned at the giant cheeseburger and took a bite. "This is great," he murmured with his mouth half full.

Ryan giggled. "So glad I could be of service."

He swallowed down a large gulp of soda and asked, "So, how did you end up here of all places?"

She shrugged. "I've visited here a handful of times. When I felt like I was ready to put down some roots, I figured it was as good a place as any. So, I took some money out of my investments, bought this place, put my MBA to good use, and boom, that's it." She grinned. "Besides, I heard the local sheriff was a quasi-hunter. I figured if I wanted to get into trouble, being near her was an excellent place to do it."

"She's making a name for herself, isn't she?" Sam commented about Jody.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, she is. But she's good. I haven't enjoyed hunting with anyone quite like I've enjoyed hunting with Jody."

He realized she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but it hurt Dean's feelings a little bit. He had thought the two of them hunted well together, though, he had to admit, their two hunts hadn't exactly gone to plan, either of them. The first one, she'd saved his ass, the second time, he'd saved hers. Well, he supposed it could have been worse.

"You said you two have gone hunting, care to share some stories?" Sam asked with a grin as he chowed down on his veggie burger.

She shrugged and smiled. "Same old, same old, what about you?"

Sam shrugged. "Demons and Angels seem to be our specialties lately." He paused, took a sip of his drink, then asked, "Have you run into any angels?"

She thought a moment, then shook her head. "No. I stick to monsters, mostly."

"Angels are monsters, don't let them fool you," Dean spat.

Her eyebrow rose. "I'm sure they aren't all that way."

"Most of them," he countered.

She chuckled. "Yeah, well, the same could be said for humans."

"I've said it before and I say it again, Monsters and demons I get. People are crazy."

She laughed. "Ain't that the truth?"

"Speaking of monsters, and strange ones, at that, you ever heard of a Pishtaco?"

"A Peruvian Fatsucker? Sure."

Dean blinked. "You have?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course. Haven't you?"

"Well, no, actually," Sam countered.

"Where did _you_ hear of one?" Dean wanted to know.

"When I was _in _Peru," she stated, and the "duh" was most definitely implied.

"When were you in Peru?"

She grinned. "Dean, what the hell did you think I did during those five years between college and New Orleans? I traveled and found out about monsters."

"You traveled internationally?" Sam inquired, interest clear in his voice.

She nodded. "Yeah, well, I traipsed around Mexico, South America, and Canada, in any case. Dude, you should see some of the weird shit they have in Canada. It's crazy. I hooked up with this one hunter, he showed me about a few of the local monsters. Fascinating, really."

"What else did you see?"

She thought a moment. "Well, I didn't _see _much, actually. I didn't get to do a lot of hunting, but I figured if I got the lore down, it would make things easier if I ran up on anything. To be honest, I'd found a nice little place in Brazil while I was down there, and a hunting partner, to boot. I actually hadn't planned on staying in the U.S. until after New Orleans."

That was news to Dean. To think, he could have missed ever seeing her again…it…hurt. "Why did you stay?" he managed.

She shrugged. "Just…it seemed like the thing to do."

Sam seemed oblivious to Dean's feelings at the moment and asked her. "So, since you've traveled so much, I bet you've got one hell of a hunter's journal."

At that, she smirked. "Sort of. I've gone digital. I've added it all into my computer program."

"You know a lot about computers?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "Nah, not really. I've got rudimentary skills at best, but I can work a mean Excel spreadsheet. I had a friend make me up something. I can get you a copy of it, if you like. It's the monsters, what kills them, their weaknesses…I put a lot of time and effort into it. Frank was fairly patient with me."

"Frank Devereaux?"

She nodded.

"He's dead," Dean told her, then could have kicked himself for his insensitivity, especially since Sam was currently glaring at him.

"I know. Well, I figured he was. Leviathans, right?"

Dean nodded.

She blew out a breath. "He was afraid that would happen. Paranoid bastard that he was."

They were all silent for a few moments before she asked, "Say, have you two heard from Garth lately? I've tried his number like, a million times, and can't get him."

Sam looked at him and Dean wiped his mouth. "Yeah, uh, about that…" he quickly and quietly told her about finding him in a werewolf pack in Wisconsin.

She blinked. "And you let him _live_?" she hissed.

"Whoa," Dean muttered. "Chill, Ryan. Yeah, he's wolfed out, but he's not evil. He's Garth for fuck's sake. Kid couldn't kill a human if he tried."

She shot him a look. "I half trained him, Dean, I know exactly what Garth is capable of. Are you _sure _he's okay?"

"We wouldn't have left him there if he wasn't," Sam said softly. "Look, trust us, don't trust us, whatever, but we did what was best. Occasionally, there _are _friendly monsters."

She snorted. "Next thing you'll be telling me is there are friendly demons, too."

At that, both men winced. They'd become…friend_ly _with a few demons along the way.

She sighed. "Alright, I'll trust you, but if I get the chance to talk to him, I'm going to beat his scrawny ass for not calling me and telling me what's up. I could have helped him, you know."

"There's no cure for lycanthropy, believe me, we've looked," Sam told her.

Dean cringed. It had been years, but he still remembered Sam having to put down the chick he liked because she'd gotten the taste for human blood when she wolfed out. _Just a long line in the Winchester failed relationships, _Dean thought sorrowfully. They had worse luck than the Cartwrights on Bonanza. Man, did he used to love that show. He remembered it was one of his Dad's favorite shows, too. He felt Ryan's hand on his leg all of a sudden and his eyes cut to her.

She gave a crooked smile as she answered Sam, "Well, I wouldn't have believed there was a cure for vampirism, either, and ya'll proved me wrong."

"You know, we could take a stab back through the Men of Letters files, see if anything pops up…" Sam began.

"Men of Letters?" Ryan asked as she began weaving a slow spiral of doodles on Dean's leg. He bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't say anything as he felt his response to her attention growing. _Fuck, Ryan, now? _He sent a glare in her direction, but her smile only grew as she listened to Sam tell about how they were legacies to the Men of Letters.

"That's so fascinating!" she enthused. Her hand traveled now, further on his leg, toward his crotch. His breath caught as her pinky brushed his erection and his hand clamped over hers.

She sat a little straighter, cleared her throat, and smirked, almost as if to say _game, set, match, Dean. _

_Oh, you're playing with fire, little girl, _he mused. _Just let me get you somewhere alone. I'll fuck you into next week. _

"You get a lot of hunters around here?" Sam was asking Ryan.

She shrugged. "We get a few coming through here, they stop and talk to Jody, talk to me, but most of them know I'm not in the game much anymore. I do offer suggestions, which is why they come, or call, I have quite a few calls now. Makes work complicated on occasion, I tell ya. Not many people study the lore as much as I do. I've got an extensive library back at my house in addition to my computer system. No one knows where I live, though. It isn't safe."

That piqued Dean's interest and his hand tightened on hers. She flipped hers so it was palm up and laced her fingers through his and squeezed it back. "Why?" he wanted to know.

Before she could answer, something must have caught her eye because she wrenched her hand from his grasp. He missed the warmth and strength of it immediately. He glanced to where Ryan was looking.

A little girl came trudging through the door, calling out a hello to a few of what Dean assumed were the regulars. She looked like any other kid, wearing jeans, a hoodie with some cartoon snowman on it saying she liked "warm hugs" and some kind of boots on her feet.

She all but dragged herself over to Ryan, dumped her backpack on the floor with a 'bang', pulled up a chair, and plopped herself down next to the woman at his side. "WHY do we have to do spelling tests? I mean, really? What exactly is the point of learning to spell? In this day and age, won't we just use spell-check on all our phones and stuff, anyway?!"

Ryan was holding in a chuckle, Dean could tell. And, he had to admit, it was funny seeing this little girl lament. He grew puzzled, however, as the little girl sighed before she laid her head on Ryan's shoulder and Ryan automatically began rubbing the girl's arm and pressed a kiss to her hair. "I take it the test didn't go well?"

"Eighty-five," the girl stated glumly. "And I studied _really hard_, honest I did."

"I believe you, Hope." Ryan soothed as she squeezed the little girl harder. "It's fine. Hey, that's not so bad."

"I know, I just…you said I had to get a ninety and I didn't and…"

Ryan cut her off. "We'll figure it out. Don't worry about that right now, okay? Just enjoy the rest of your day off school." She bit her lip, then said, "Uh, Hopey, I've, uh, I've got company."

Hope, who looked like she was around nine or ten, opened her eyes and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights as she eyed the two men. Something passed in the little girl's eyes, almost like recognition, but Dean knew that couldn't be it. He'd never seen the kid before, though she was cute. It occurred to him then, he didn't have a lot of experience being around little girls. Her jaw set, though, and she said coolly, "So I see. So, uh, can I snag a piece of pie, or…"

"Hope…" Ryan warned.

"I mean, after the day I've had, Mom, I really just need some pie and a tall glass of milk, okay?"

Dean's eyes grew wide. "Mom?"

Ryan closed her eyes, as if preparing for something, probably the ass chewing Dean was planning on doling out, which he was, because, _holy shit, she's a mom?_ She took a deep breath, blew it out, and put on a smile. "Yeah, Hope, go get some pie. Bring back another slice when you come, alright?"

Hope looked at the men. "Ya'll want some pie, too? Mom makes the best! We got cherry and peach and pecan and, you got any lemon meringue left?"

Ryan chuckled and tapped the girl's nose. "Yes, we have lemon, and I'm sure someone at this table would like a piece of pecan. Make it ala mode, will you?"

Hope stood, pushed the chair back where it belonged, gave her mom a mock salute, and did a little skip-dance routine to go behind the counter.

Ryan turned back to Dean, who eyed her. "Mom?"

Ryan shrugged. "Long story."

Dean glanced at his watch. "I'm pretty damn sure I got the time. I thought you couldn't have kids." He hated the way it came out so gruff, but, damn it, had she been lying to him this whole time? That was when another thought hit him…they never used protection. That kid…she wasn't his, was she?

"I can't, Dean," she stated, bringing him out of his downward spiral of thoughts. "I can't have kids. When those demons did…those things to me, when I was eleven, I had to have some important parts removed. My cousin…she has some…issues. She's not in the picture. So, Hope is mine, Hope, and her little brother."

"You got _two_ kids?" Dean asked, incredulous.

"Understand why I don't hunt often anymore?" she deadpanned.

"Uh, yeah, but, wow…" he processed this for a moment before Hope came back bearing a tray loaded with goodies. She had obviously helped waitress there in the restaurant a few times. She picked up the pecan pie ala mode and sat it before Dean.

He looked at it, then looked at her and she grinned, looking just like Ryan in that instant. "You look like a pie kinda guy."

He smiled. "Yeah, I am."

She plopped down a fruit and yogurt thing in front of Sam. "And you look like you could use a parfait. Mom makes great healthy stuff, but pie is just awesome."

Sam chuckled. "Thanks."

Hope looked at them and then whispered something in Ryan's ear. Ryan smiled and nodded. "Yes, they're hunters."

Both the Winchester's eyes grew wide. "Does she know…?"

Ryan nodded sadly. "Yeah, I kind of had to. Longer story. One we can't tell in the café. Ya'll want to come for dinner tonight?"

"Oh! Can we have soup?" the little girl exclaimed.

Ryan shook her head. "I know you love Tomato Rice soup, Hopey, but I just made it on Monday. No, we can have something else."

"T-tomato rice soup?" Dean asked.

Ryan looked at him in surprise, then sadness. "Yeah, I, uh, your mom gave my mom the recipe. Said it had been in the family for years…"

It was in that instant he remembered Elaine Fawcett and that photo album she had shown him, the pictures of her and his mom…they had been such great friends. To think, Mary Winchester had shared the recipe with someone else, it warmed him slightly. "Yeah, it was. She always made it when I was sick."

"Mom does, too! Bobby had a cold earlier in the week, so we had soup and grilled cheese. We should have it more often. It's really awesome."

"Bobby?"

Ryan's face was grim. "Yeah, well, when he was born, we knew he had to be named Bobby. That was my only way to pay homage to one of the greatest men I ever knew."

Dean swallowed hard. Part of him wanted to be jealous of the dead man for being one of the greatest men she ever knew. It would have been nice to have that title. But he knew he was far from a great man, and certainly not one as good as Bobby. He rubbed his right arm self consciously. The Mark was just one of the things that proved the fact. "Yeah, it's a good name."

"You two weren't the only ones who lost Bobby," Ryan stated hotly. "Would it have killed you to think to include other people in his funeral?"

"He got a hunter's funeral, Ryan. Whaddya want me to say?" he growled at her. "And then I had to salt and burn his damn flask when he didn't pass over, okay?" He didn't even want to go into the fact Crowley had used Bobby and stole his soul, dragging it to hell.

If she was shocked at the revelation Bobby had become a ghost, she was either too angry or didn't care enough as she bit out, "It would be nice if you thought about someone else for a change…"

"SO," Hope said loudly to break up what Dean felt sure was going to be an argument between him and her mom, "Speaking of names," Hope took a bite of pie, (having plopped down next to Sam with a slice of Lemon Meringue) "What are your names? I haven't met all of my mom's friends, but I would remember meeting you guys."

He focused on the little girl instead of the infuriating woman at his side. "I'm Dean, this is my brother, Sam."

The little girl's brown eyes shot to his and they widened slightly. "The Winchesters?"

Dean chuckled and grinned. "Wow, Sammy. We even have a reputation with the elementary school crowd. Nice."

Hope blinked twice and then smiled. "Dude, you've got to tell me some stories!"

"Not here," Ryan said firmly. "You know the rules."

Hope sighed. "Fine. But tonight. I want details!"

Ryan giggled and shook her head. "Sorry, boys, I may have talked you two up a bit."

"Always glad to meet a fan," Dean chortled as he snagged a bite of pie. "Wow. Did you make this, Ryan?"

"Mom makes the best pies. I bet we could talk her into making another one for supper…"

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "Don't you think one piece of pie in a day is enough?"

"But…Mom…we are going to have special guests for dinner…" Hope started ticking off reasons on her fingers. "One, it's pie. I love pie. Two, hellooooo, special guests? And three…well, I don't have a three, but come on!"

Ryan shot her daughter a look and sighed. "I guess I could make a chocolate pie…"

"Grandma Fawcett's chocolate pie?"

"Is there any other?"

"Nope," Hope stated adamantly. "Accept no substitutions."

Dean grinned. "I like this kid."

Hope beamed.

* * *

It was decided that the boys would just go home with them. Hope was hanging onto their every word, even though they weren't discussing hunting, and didn't really want Dean out of her sight for some reason. Well, hey, he was, after all, awesome, and kids liked him, why, he wasn't sure, but they did. He felt sure if he'd ask Sam, Sam would say something smart-ass about his maturity level, so he didn't ask Sam his opinion.

"You wanna ride with?" Ryan asked him as she made her way to a huge Ford SUV after giving Sam directions to their house.

"Dude, don't tell me you got rid of Demon!" Dean intoned.

"Of course not!" she gasped as if he had just asked her had she massacred her child. "Demon just isn't the best vehicle to haul a Girl Scout troop around in."

He looked at her in surprise. He'd figured she would have wanted nothing to do with Girl Scouts. It had been a meeting that she had been taken from, after all. But he turned to the little girl and asked, "You're a Girl Scout?"

The girl nodded. "I'm a Junior Girl Scout. Mom is helping us earn our Bronze Award in the fall."

That sounded like it was important, so Dean just grinned at her. "Right on. Good for you."

To Ryan, he said mockingly, "Girl Scouts? Really?"

She shot him a look. "The kid needs to be well rounded. She knows monsters are real, Dean. I had to balance it with something. I'm her troop co-leader."

Dean let out a snort. "Is there a merit badge for monster hunting?"

She punched him in the arm. "No, but my girls _are_ going to learn how to shoot and how to protect themselves. They've all mastered archery and they're all involved in some form of martial art. Hope is better at it than I am. And she can already wield a knife and naturally, she knows how to use a sawed off shotgun. Rifle too, for that matter."

"How did you manage to find a balance?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged. "I'm not sure I have, I just went with it."

"Well, it works. She seems…normal."

Ryan snorted. "Thanks. I think. Come on, let's go grab Bobby from day care and head to the house."

"Shotgun!" Hope called and Ryan shot her a look.

"Backseat," Ryan argued.

"Moooom!" the girl started whining again.

Ryan's jaw set. "What's the rule?"

Hope sighed. "Kids in the back, adults sit in the front, unless they're hurt or injured."

Ryan nodded. "Good girl." They all climbed into their seats and Dean noticed she waited until all the seatbelts were buckled before she started the car. Just then, Taylor Swift blasted from the speakers. Dean winced despite himself and Ryan chuckled as she punched a button and the CD came out into her waiting hand.

"Mom! I want AC/DC if we're listening to your music!"

Ryan flipped around and looked at her daughter. "What day is it?"

"Mom! It's not my fault Dean rode up front on a Thursday!"

Dean grinned. "What am I missing?"

Ryan sighed. "Driver picks music on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Shotgun calls music on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The weekends are mixed where we do rock, paper, scissors."

"Unless we're on a road trip. Then we take turns until Mom's too tired or if it's late at night. Then, to keep her awake, she picks the music and I listen to my iPod."

Dean looked at Ryan, who just shrugged. "It works out well. Bobby's not old enough to pick."

Who would have thought? She was kind of awesome at this whole mom thing. It made sense. A schedule for music. Huh. Interesting. "Okay…"

Ryan smiled at him. "So, unless you _want _the little girl in the back picking the music, and let me remind you, Tuesday was a "Frozen" marathon, I suggest you make a choice." And to prove her point, Ryan began in her honeyed alto, "Let it go, let it go…can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go, turn my back and slam the door…"

He was caught between being horrified of the song and fascinated at Ryan's voice. He'd never heard her sing before with the exception of that one time she was in her car at college. Honestly, at the time, he wasn't even paying attention to her voice. She seemed to forget he was even there, "The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen. The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside. Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried…"

He watched her as her eyes closed and she got into it, "Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well now they know…" She began singing the chorus for all she was worth, not even needing music as she continued and Hope chimed in.

He wondered if maybe the song spoke to her on another level as she sang the lyrics, "It's funny how some distance, makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all. Up here in the cold, thin air, I finally can breathe, I know I left a life behind, but I'm too relieved to grieve…"

Damn, girl had some pipes on her. She could have been on American Idol or The Voice or something…

"Standing, frozen, in the life I've chosen. You won't find me. The past is all behind me. Buried in the snow…" She opened her eyes, saw him sitting there, stopped singing, and her face flamed in a blush as Hope continued singing, completely unperturbed.

Ryan cleared her throat. "Sorry. I, uh, I like the movie and we've watched it a million times and, hell, I like showtunes, okay?"

He grinned but remained silent.

"Gah, say something, alright?"

"What would you like for me to say? Instead of hunting, you should have become a singer? Because, damn. That was excellent."

She swallowed hard and gave him a sheepish grin. "Yeah, well, whatever. Unless you want me singing more of that, I think you need to make a decision." She lowered her voice to sound like Gozer the Gozerian as she growled, "Choose. Choose the destructor."

He and Hope both laughed. Ghostbusters had always been one of his favorite movies. No matter what line of work they were in. Sammy liked it too. "Alright."

"Dean! Dean! For the love of Christmas, _please _don't pick The Eagles! They're so lame! Pick AC/DC or Bon Jovi, oh! Or Styx! Did you know my camp name is 'Renegade'? Because I sang that song at camp last year, knocked it out of the park, thankyouverymuch. Oh, well, anyway, I guess Metallica works if you have to…Queen is preferable, but I'd wouldn't say 'no' to Zeppelin, either …"

Dean couldn't help the grin. The little girl sucked in a great lungful of air after that little outburst. "Girl's got some seriously good taste."

"You can thank me for her musical education," Ryan shot back.

"Hmmm…" Dean began, having fun teasing the little girl. She was practically vibrating with excitement. "So, you don't like The Eagles?"

"God," Ryan muttered. "You two. I swear. What do you ever have against The Eagles? They're nice and soothing and have just enough rock in them to be warranted as decent music."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Just, Ryan, just enough rock. They, do, uh, they've got a few decent songs," he admitted. Though, he would never admit to owning the CD he listened to when he was by himself. The music was…mellow. Sometimes he chilled to it. He would just never let anyone know. Nor, would he admit, it always made him think of her…

"Thank you," she stated flatly. "I _know _they've got a few 'decent' songs." She glared at him.

"Yeah, but, Mom, they're so _lame_. They sound like they're a hundred years old."

"Says the girl that likes Big Time Rush," Ryan shot back.

"Carlos is my soul mate. He likes hockey _and _corn dogs!" Hope fired off. The adults chuckled and Dean heard, "At least I don't like Maroon 5 like _some _people in this car."

Ryan clutched her chest. "Hope! Don't give away state secrets! Dean can't know things like that! He'll use it against me!"

Dean snorted as Hope laughed. Yeah, he'd use that against her sometime. "Maroon 5? Really?"

She hung her head. "Well, it's some snappy music when I'm working out."

Dean cleared his throat as he imagined her in some little shorts and a sports bra. _Damn_.

"Mama likes Adam Levine's ink," Hope supplied.

The corner of Ryan's mouth lifted. "Yeah, well, I like tattoos. Don't hold it against me."

"He's too skinny," Hope stated.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Yeah, he is. But that's not his fault, it's his body type."

"He wouldn't last five minutes against a vengeful spirit."

Ryan laughed out loud. "You know, most girls like a pretty face. My daughter looks for stamina out in the field."

Dean shrugged. "She's not wrong."

Ryan was still chuckling. "Good point." She eyed him. "Well, Shotgun? What's it going to be?" She opened the large console between them and he looked in to find about twenty CD's all neatly organized and in alphabetical order by artist.

He smirked and turned his body around to look at Hope in the backseat. "Hey, Hope, what do you think?"

"AC/DC. Back in Black. Song number two."

He chuckled. "That was easy." He picked up the CD, popped it out of its cardboard case (he always wondered why it was a cardboard foldout number) and slipped it in, flipping it to track two. Soon "Shoot to Thrill" fill the car.

"Yes!" Hope shouted before she began singing, knowing every single one of the lyrics, as well.

"You know," Ryan murmured, "You're now her best friend. And it's known in the parenting industry as 'bribery'."

Dean smiled softly, thinking of Ben. The kid loved AC/DC too. It hurt, but he was so glad he had walked away when he did. He rubbed his arm as he thought of The Mark he now bore. No, being a father definitely wasn't in the cards for him. "Yeah, well, gotta promote the kid's good musical tastes, right?"

Ryan just rolled her eyes, but she smiled.

"How old is Bobby?" he asked as they finally pulled out into traffic. He noticed Sammy had driven off a few minutes ago while they were still figuring out what music to listen to.

"We just celebrated his second birthday a few months ago."

"Cool. Little dude."

"Very. He was a preemie. The doc was worried he wouldn't make it."

"But he's stubborn, just like me!" Hope chimed in from the back seat.

Ryan nodded. "Indeed. It definitely runs in the family."

Ryan kept the music down low and Dean chuckled. "So, the kid doesn't share your taste in music?"

Ryan shrugged. "Hope loves every kind of music, much like myself. She's really into The Avengers, so when she found out Tony Stark likes AC/DC it increased their cool factor. She likes what other little girls her age like…"

"Except Justin Beiber!" Hope called from the back seat. "I can't stand that little…"

"Hope," Ryan warned. "Language."

Dean chuckled under his breath again. The two girls were something together. He could see their love for one another clearly in the little teasing and shared smiles already. He felt like an intruder and briefly wished he had ridden with Sammy but it didn't seem to bother the girls to have him there, in fact, they seemed to enjoy him being around. It was sending off warning bells in his head, but he quieted them. He was only here for the day. He had things to do. He couldn't stick around, couldn't hurt them that way. No, he'd just enjoy the day for what it was, enjoy the night for what it was going to be, and be gone first thing in the morning.

Ryan drove to a small building with a huge fenced in back yard that seemed bursting to the seams with outdoor toys. "Ya'll just wait. I'll go get him. Hopey…" she gave what sounded like a warning, causing Hope to sigh.

Dean watched her walk in and then turned to find brown eyes, the same color of Ryan's, staring at him. She had clearly unbuckled and now was leaning through the captain's chairs into the front seat. "Hi."

He smiled at her. "Hi."

"I like this song, too," she said as "Back in Black" played. He'd noticed Ryan had subconsciously flipped it from "Let Me Put My Love Into You" and he wondered if she did that because of the little girl staring at him and its lyrical content. It wasn't the most kid-friendly song he'd ever heard, though, did Hope even know what they were singing about? He'd bet so. Ryan would want her to know stuff. Or maybe not? Who knew. He was still flabbergasted by the fact she had kids.

He grinned and turned his attention back to the little girl. "Yeah, me too."

"So, uh, you gonna stay with us tonight?"

"I don't know, I mean, I'm sure there's a motel around here somewhere…" He wasn't quite sure how to handle being around this kid. She reminded him of Ryan, that much was for sure. She was a carbon copy of her mother, maybe not in looks, but in attitude, for sure. There was something else about her, he couldn't put his finger on it, but he genuinely liked the kid. She was cool, not a whiney little brat like some were.

"We've got a huge house. You should stay. Don't worry, it's safe. Devil's traps under every rug, iron bars on the upper windows, salt lines secure, plus Mom had some awesome iron fencing put up around the parameter. Nothing's getting in."

Now didn't _that _sound familiar? "You guys go on lockdown often?"

She shook her head. "No. Mom's taught me what to look out for, to just be cautious. She says nothing's coming to get us, we just have to be prepared in case something stumbles upon us." The little girl was talking so fast, she had to pause to take in a great lungful of air before she continued, "We also have a full training room in the basement where Mom works out with the dumbbells and treadmill and stuff, but we also have my archery gear and knifes that kind of thing down there. We've got a shooting range out in the back of the house, too. Mama had to get some kind of permit thing, I guess, but we're not in city limits, so Aunt Jody said it's cool."

"Aunt Jody?"

Hope nodded. "Mmmhmm, Sherriff Mills. She's awesome. She says she's gone with you on a hunt before. She says she fought zombies with you, too!"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, she did."

"She's terrific."

Dean was quiet for a moment. He didn't like the idea of this little girl learning to be a hunter, but, given Ryan's past, he could certainly understand why she was being so cautious with her own daughter. "You said you're prepared in case something stumbles up on you. Has that happened before?"

"Twice," she whispered and he could hear the fear in her voice, though she tried to mask it with indifference. "One time was when we'd just come back from vacation. Mama took me on a cruise when I was younger, before Bobby came in the picture. We got home and a Rawhead came after me, but I didn't know what it was at the time. I just remember something scary trying to grab me. Mom said it was a wrong place, wrong time thing. She went and hunted it down while I stayed with neighbors. She killed it, she said."

_The case with Sam, _he recalled Ryan talking about it, the case Sam didn't remember. He briefly wondered if Sam remembered it now, then figured it didn't really matter. Like Ryan had said, it was over and done with.

"And then…just before Bobby…there was a werewolf."

_So _that _was why Ryan reacted the way she did about the werewolf. The kid had been there_. "Did your mom take him out, too?"

She shook her head. "She was hurt, broke her leg. I had to…"

His eyebrow rose. _Holy shit. _"You killed a werewolf?"

She nodded without a shred of arrogance. "I'm a good shot. He was trying to hurt us. He would have killed us first. I did just like Mama said…a grouping of three shots to the heart."

_She bagged a werewolf? And saved herself and her mother? _She seemed so cool about it. Her confidence was astonishing. "You are definitely your mother's daughter," he commented.

She smiled. "Mom says I'm to be proud, but not boastful about it. It could have ended badly. I am _not _ready to hunt, but I am prepared in case something comes to hunt _me_. And that's okay, too."

Yeah, Ryan had this mother thing down. It was amazing. He never would have imagined it, but she knew what she was doing. Either that, or she was one hell of a 'fake it until you make it' kind of woman. Whichever way, he was impressed. "You're a brave little girl, Hope."

"Thank you," she said politely, softly. "It means a lot coming from you."

To be a legend the way she revered them…well, it made him feel kind of old. "Your mom talks about us a lot?"

She glanced out the window and didn't respond as she scrambled back to her seat to get belted back in as Ryan arrived with a little boy with sandy hair. "And this," Ryan said as she opened the door, "Is Bobby."

The kid was cute, but, well, he was a baby, two years old, so he didn't really look like anything other than a baby with crystal blue eyes, dark blonde hair, and a grin that matched his sister's. "Da!"

Ryan chuckled and strapped him in before handing him a cup of juice. "Yep, he's a handful, but he's a sweetie."

"Handful is right," Hope muttered. "He's always getting my stuff!"

"Well, maybe if you put your stuff where he couldn't reach it…"

"Mom! He's like a circus freak! He can climb walls! Little dude is Spiderman!"

Both the adults laughed at that and Ryan nodded as she climbed back behind the wheel. "It's true. He's a climber. Hope was always still and just did her thing. I turn my back for a second and boom, he's gone."

_Did she have both these kids from their births? _It appeared so. He thought of what it was like, being around a baby. Sammy was the last baby he'd been around for any length of time, save for the shifter child he and Sam had for a few days. That still bothered him, the monster came and got the kid. But he remembered Sam at around Bobby's age. "Sammy was the same way. My God, he almost gave me heart attacks on a daily basis because, well, we never stayed in the most kid friendly of places. It was exhausting." And once their dad had figured he could leave Dean in charge, it only got worse. Sure, they'd stayed with babysitters, he briefly remembered staying with one of his mom's other friends, she died somehow. He couldn't remember a lot of it, but it had been something supernatural, too, if memory served.

He watched her as she drove, her eyes going to the rear facing car seat and Hope in the little child mirror often. "You know, you're good at this mom thing," Dean commented.

She shrugged as she made a left-hand turn. "I've had to be."

He glanced at the side mirror through the window to see Hope was reading a book. "Your cousin just dumped them on you?"

"She's…not in a place to raise kids. She got messed up over a guy, Hope happened. Same thing happened again and Bobby arrived. I can't have kids, Dean. These two miracles are gifts from God to me. I don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

He stayed silent. He wasn't sure if miracles or gifts from God ever really happened, and certainly not after everything he'd seen in his thirty-five years of life, but he was happy for her, either way. "Same dad?"

She nodded as she made a turn onto a long dirt road. "Yeah. She's consistent, that much is for sure."

"And he..he won't like, sue for custody or anything?"

"No."

"You seem certain of that."

She sighed. "He's not in the place to raise a kid, either. They're both legally mine. Nothing is taking them from me. Ever. Come hell or high water, even if I have to make a deal with Crowley himself."

"You wouldn't."

She shrugged. "Dean, I've come to realize, the things in my heaven are what I'd go to hell for. I would do it in a skinny minute if it meant making life better for these kids. If it was between their happiness and mine? Damn straight."

He didn't know what to say to that. He'd been to hell for someone else, so had his father, so had Sam, basically. He guessed he could understand how she felt. "You really are good at this mom thing."

She smiled as they pulled up to the old farmhouse. "Thanks." She turned to Hope. "Homework?"

"Reading, as usual," she grumbled. "But other than that, just a math sheet."

"Well, that will take all of a minute."

"Darn right." Hope looked at Dean and grinned. "I've got the highest grades in my math and science classes."

"She takes after her father, clearly. She didn't get that crap from my family. We're inept at math. She's a tinker fairy, aren't you?"

Dean chuckled as Hope stuck her tongue out at her mom. Obviously they teased one another a lot. "I still say if you'd let me at that EMF meter…" Hope began.

Ryan's voice was firm. "No. I only have one and you aren't screwing with it, Hope. I let you take apart the radio because you were determined to make the speakers sound better."

"And I did!"

Ryan rolled her eyes as she pulled Bobby from the car seat. "Yeah, you did, but my point is, you can play with the radio, you can screw with the toaster, but my hunting gear is off limits until you really know what you're doing."

"But…Mom…"

"We've discussed it. It's finished."

Hope huffed and stomped up the steps of the porch.

Ryan sighed. "And I am actually trusted to raise children. Scary."

Dean chuckled and held out his hand for the baby. "Here. You got to unlock the door, right?"

She blinked in surprise. "I, uh, you sure?"

"How the hell you think Sammy survived? I raised him. I can handle holding your kid while you open your door, Ryan."

She seemed wary as she handed the little guy over to him. Dean took him and grinned. "Hey, Bobby. You know you got a big name to live up to, right?"

The baby touched his face and blew a raspberry, causing Dean to chuckle. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

They heard the Impala roaring up the driveway and the baby squealed in laughter and clapped his hands. "Kid's got good taste."

Ryan rolled her eyes as she unlocked the house and held the door open for him. She quickly bent down to pick up a stray tennis shoe that must have been Hope's, and a few toy trucks. "Excuse the mess…I wasn't planning on…"

"A booty call?" Dean provided.

She chuckled. "Yeah, that either. Jody could have called and warned me you guys were in the neighborhood…"

Dean wasn't quite sure why that sounded like she was less than thrilled by them being there. "Listen, Ryan, it's cool if we aren't welcome, I mean, we can split…"

"No! God, Dean, don't be a dick. I just wasn't expecting company. We've all been getting over colds and stuff so we watched movies and went to bed early last night, didn't even bother picking up the toys. Then, this morning, I had to hurry to get the pies made for work, so…" she trailed off and shrugged. "Ya'll go into the living room. Just plop him down on the floor. He'll find his baby Lego's to occupy him."

Dean did as she asked but the baby didn't want to be put down. "Da!" he said, patting Dean's face.

"I don't know what that means, buddy." He sat down on the couch with the baby and picked up some truck toy that made noise. "You wanna play with this?"

The baby just laid his head on Dean and popped his thumb in his mouth.

"Uh…okay." He sat back and got comfortable since obviously, the kid wasn't going anywhere. He heard the door to the house open and close. He wondered where Sam was, but he didn't really think too much about it as he took in his surroundings. The place was warm, homey, filled with pictures of the kids, pictures of Ryan with them, even one with Jody in it. But it was the picture of his mom and her mom, the same one he'd seen in her college apartment that made him smile. She still had it, and it still held a special place on her wall, the picture of them as babies with their moms. It warmed him. And so did the kid in his arms. He rubbed the baby's back a few times and the little boy sighed in contentment.

"He's still getting over a cold," Ryan said softly from the entryway a few minutes later. "He probably needs a nap. You mind just holding him another minute?"

He looked at the kid in his arms. "I guess not."

"He doesn't usually take to strangers. You must be calming to him, Dean."

Dean snorted. "That's a first."

"No, it isn't," Sam said from the door, having let himself in. "Dean's great with kids, actually. He just doesn't get to show it often."

Dean glared at his brother and Sam shrugged. "It's true."

"What took you so long?"

"Cas called." Dean looked at him expectantly but Sam shook his head. "No news on any front. He was just checking in on us."

Ryan smiled. "Cas, your angel friend, right?"

Dean just nodded. It wasn't a secret. Besides, Ryan had been friends with Bobby. Of course she knew who Cas was.

"Well, I guess I'll go get the ribs started. I know we aren't hungry, but they take forever. If you want to come in the kitchen, I've got beer."

"What do I do with the kid?" Dean asked. It felt…nice holding the baby. It was making him uncomfortable and he wasn't exactly sure why.

She smiled and must have sensed Dean's growing discomfort. She reached for the baby. "Come on, Bobby. You wanna take a nap? Monkey is waiting for you."

"Bu!" the baby yelled and Ryan's smile grew.

"Yep, Blue the Sock Monkey is waiting for you. I brought him in from the car. Let's go take a nap, alright?"

As if to prove her point, the little boy yawned and Ryan called out, "Hope! Show the boys to the kitchen!"

"We can find it. Let her finish her homework," Dean said as he stood. "It's all good. The house isn't that big, is it?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nah, you can't miss it. It's the room with the refrigerator in it."

He glared at her, but then smiled. She had the best damn sense of humor. "Smart ass."

Ryan stuck her tongue out at him, looking more like her daughter the longer Dean was around her, before she turned and walked out of the room.

Dean was smiling as he looked at Sam, who had walked over to the wall of pictures. He was stopped in front of the picture of Mary and Elaine. "Her mom and our mom…I forgot they knew each other."

Dean walked over to look at the picture. Both women looked so happy. "Yeah. Hard to believe, huh? Almost makes you wish they'd had more time to be friends. But it's nice, seeing pictures from that time. She's got an album if you wanna look at the pictures. I'm sure she still has it. She did in college."

He started to walk away when Sam asked, "Dude, what are you doing?"

Dean blinked. "What?"

Sam just shot him the bitch face. "What, what?"

Dean sent a glare his way and an annoyed look. He didn't appreciate the accusatory tone of his brother's voice. "She's feeding us ribs, man. Not proposing marriage."

Sam sighed. "You and I both know you're gonna stay the night. You sure you wanna get involved in this?"

He rolled his eyes. "Involved how? It's a fuck, Sam. Geez. She and I both know it's just something we get together and do. We've done this same dance a handful of times already. Trust me. She ain't looking for a commitment."

"She didn't have kids before, either."

Dean thought back to when she was high on vampire blood. "I'm not so sure about that. I think she was trying to tell me she had a kid that day we turned her back human after the vamp incident." The little girl was definitely an older version of the one he saw on Ryan's phone. It made sense, really. She had been trying to tell him to look in her bag and her phone had been in her bag.

"Well, either way, she's a mother now, Dean. We can't come in here screwing up her life."

"You think I don't know that?!" Dean all but shouted. "I _know_, Sam! I thought about bailing a few times now, alright? You think I don't remember how I fuck up people? I'm not an idiot. And I'm not staying. It's just for one night. I've got this thing on my arm and a bounty on my head. You think Abaddon or Metatron give a shit about if I hook up with her or not? No. They need to be worried about me killing their asses."

"Which is so easy since we have the blade," Sam stated.

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Look, I know you don't like me dealing with Crowley on this…"

"I didn't like you going behind my back to get the fucking mark in the first place, Dean! It's the same thing over and over again! I'm sick of not being included in decisions that affect our partnership!"

Dean held in the wince, but just barely. Would it kill Sam to refer to him as his brother, at least once more? He accepted the fact he'd fucked Sam over. He'd accepted the fact he made a mistake with Gadreel, but he'd do it again. He needed Sammy. He admitted that to himself. He needed his brother with him, just like he'd said on that first hunt, when he'd asked Sam to go with him to help find their dad. He could go it alone, but he didn't want to. He was a selfish bastard. He knew that. But, damn it, Sam deserved to _live_, too. "I've done what I have to do," Dean finally stated.

"Obviously."

He blew out a breath. "Do you wanna leave? We can walk out right now."

"No, Dean, I don't. I like the kid, I like Ryan. I liked Ryan when we met up with her to work the vamp case. She's a great person. I just…" Sam sighed. "Never mind. So, did you find out whose kids these are? I mean, she can't have kids, right?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, it's her cousin. Man, she just uses Ryan and Ryan takes it 'cuz she can't have kids. It's sad, dude."

Sam shrugged. "I don't think so. Looks to me like Ryan's made the best of a bad situation for everyone."

Dean thought a moment. "Yeah, I guess. Just…it seems a shame. She's had to leave the life, man, not because she wanted to, but because she had to."

"Maybe she didn't want the life. Maybe she didn't have any other choice."

Dean was quiet before he asked, "Do any of us?"

"No."

"Exactly. So, how did she leave?"

"Perseverance," she stated as she walked back into the room. "I can't go hunting things and raise these kids. I had to choose. Something your father really needed to have done."

"I know you're not going to start that, Ryan," Dean stated hotly. John Winchester had his faults, but Dean never doubted he did what he thought was best, no matter how hard the lessons they might have had to learn.

She held up both hands. "I respect the hell out of your daddy, Dean. If he hadn't taught you boys how to handle things, I would be dead. I'm not saying that. I just think he could have found a better balance."

"And you're doing so well at it? Having the kid kill a werewolf?"

Ryan's eyes flashed. "Damn it, I _told_ her not to go off about that!"

"Hope killed a werewolf?" Sam asked, confused, but Dean and Ryan both ignored him.

"A kill is a kill, Ryan," Dean shot at her. "And at seven, eight years old, she _should _be proud."

"No, she shouldn't. I didn't ask her to do it, but there was no other choice. I don't want her having the bloodlust, Dean! She needs to be a little girl for fuck's sake!"

"I agree!"

They both stood there almost toe-to-toe, breathing hard and Sam interjected, "Uh, both of you need to chill out. She could hear you."

Ryan shook her head as if to clear it and blew out a breath. "Come on. Let's go grab a beer. We can chat while I cook."

* * *

Tempers cooled while she prepared dinner, making the pie, and mixing up some kind of special barbecue sauce. They were sitting at the kitchen table, joking and laughing when Hope came back downstairs a little while later singing Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" at the top of her lungs, much to Dean's amusement, bringing a now alert and eager Bobby with her.

Hope seemed to catch herself when she breached the door, no doubt forgetting, if only for a moment, that they had houseguests and she blushed prettily, just like her mom. "Uh, sorry…but, hey, Bon Jovi rocks on occasion. I mean, his new stuff is crap, but the old stuff is awesome."

Dean grinned. "I agree wholeheartedly." He paused before adding, "You've got a decent singing voice, Hope."

She beamed with pride. "Thanks. I'm in the school choir. We just had a performance a few weeks ago. Aunt Jody came. It was cool."

"That's terrific," Sam said with a wink at her.

She handed the baby to Ryan, who plopped him down in his high chair with some kind of cookie, which he promptly started gnawing on. "So, how can I help, Mom?"

Ryan just smiled and waggled her eyebrows. "You want music?" Ryan asked slyly.

Hope grinned. "Mama, you know I _always _want music!"

Dean was confused for just a moment before Ryan and Hope started doing their thing in the kitchen, working in almost synchronized movements as they cooked, dancing around to the iPod dock Ryan had going to some of her favorite rock music which also happened to be some of Dean's favorites, too. He didn't even complain when the music changed to some pop songs that were mixed in.

Dinner was something fun, too as Hope regaled them with stories from elementary school. The kid was a storyteller and had a great sense of humor, too.

Sometime during the meal, Ryan had pulled out a camera to take pictures of them all and Sam had stolen it to take a few pictures of her with Dean when Dean had pulled her down into his lap as she was bending over to put the pie on the table. It was one of the best nights he'd had lately. All the crap that had gone down recently had made him forget there could be fun in life and if only for a moment, he savored it.

He grinned at the woman in his lap before he looked at her daughter. "Hope, your mom is a hero, did you know that?"

"Of course," she stated simply. "She's a hunter, just like you and Sam."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, she is, but did you know she saved my life?"

Hope gasped. "No! When?"

Ryan smiled at him. He had never told anyone this story, mainly because he'd made a rookie mistake, getting caught in the first place. Sam didn't even know what went down in New Orleans. He turned back to the kid. "Yep, she sure did. There were four witches, a coven, who were hurting tourists. I went to investigate the building they were using as their front. I found all their hoo-doo sh…a…crap, and they snuck up on me, cracked me over the head."

"Only one of them snuck up on you Dean."

"How do you know?"

"I was there, doofus, remember? I had crept into that same building. I saw him crack you over the head. I slipped out before he could see me."

"You could have taken care of him then and there, Ryan."

She grinned. "Yeah, but if I hadn't, we wouldn't have known how to find the other three, now, would we?"

She had a point, he hated to admit. "Anyway, so, he manages to lug me out and throw me into the car…"

"I still have no idea how. He must have used some kind of spell to help transport you."

"What are you trying to say, Ryan?" He shot her a raised eyebrow.

"You're a big boy, Dean. You outweighed that little cretin by at least fifty pounds and three inches, easy."

"You could probably carry me, Ryan."

She smirked. "Yeah, but I'm a trained hunter. He was a weak witch."

"What happened next?!" Hope was enthralled in the story, Dean could tell.

"Well, I came to and tried to worm my way out of the ropes. They had me tied to a steel girder. Another of the witches was there arguing with him and the two men didn't know I had woken up. Just then, I heard your mom sneak up behind me, whispering for me to be quiet…"

"Which didn't work," she admonished. "When someone tells you to be quiet, you do it, Dean."

"I was surprised. The last time I saw you, you were a college student, not a huntress supreme."

She rolled her eyes. "Still. It's just good practice to be quiet."

"He doesn't know how to shut up," Sam offered.

"You shut up," Dean shot back at him flatly.

"So, what happened then?" Hope asked, bringing them back to the story.

"Your mom…Hope, you should've seen her. It was a thing of beauty. After she back-talked that little wimpy witch and his cohort, he tried to attack her. She flipped him over her and stabbed him with her knife. It was awesome to watch, I tell ya."

"Did you really, Mama?"

Ryan nodded. "I did indeed, butterbean."

"Wow. And what about the other guy?"

"Well, I took care of him," Dean began proudly.

"After he beat Dean around a bit. You're lucky you didn't get a concussion."

"You're lucky I didn't get a concussion," he shot back with a smirk.

She chuckled. "Yeah, you're right." She turned to Hope. "Dean got the guy in a headlock and I tossed him my knife. He finished off that guy. After that, we found the other two witches who really just kinda went along with the two leaders. They went to jail, human jail, because they had done some things other than witchcraft."

"Wow. Awesome! Mom! Why didn't you tell me that's what happened?"

Ryan shrugged. "I told you I hunted witches in New Orleans with Dean. I just figured if you wanted details, they would be better served coming from a master storyteller."

"No kidding. That's awesome!"

"We were lucky," Dean told her solemnly. "Your mom almost bit the dust thanks to a hex bag. Witches aren't something to mess with. The spells and stuff they, as well as hunters use, aren't things to play around with. I should know. I've been on the bad end of a few of them. So has Sam."

Sam nodded. "Yeah. Nasty business, witches."

"At least they weren't the Wicked Witch," Dean stated as he remembered. He'd rather deal with regular old witches. They were human, after all. He still wasn't sure _what _that thing had been.

"As in…Wicked Witch? Like, the _real _Wicked Witch?" Ryan asked.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, we, uh, we met Dorothy, too."

"Seriously? You're kidding."

Sam nodded his head. "Our friend Charlie is hunting with her in Oz right now."

"Oz is _real_?" Hope gasped. "I love those stories!"

"They aren't quite like that in real life, either," Sam told her. "There are some bad things out there."

"What's next? You gonna tell me Narnia's real, too?" Ryan asked.

"God, I hope not," Dean deadpanned. "I don't want to tangle with that white witch. She freaked me out as a kid."

Ryan looked at him and laughed.

As they continued to talk and clean up the dishes, Hope and Ryan continuing their little dance routine as they put away everything and got the kitchen clean once more, Hope tried to talk them into a game.

"I am not playing Texas Hold 'Em with you again, Hope. You're almost better than I am and I only have a twenty dollar bill in my pocket," Ryan told her daughter.

Hope smirked. "Dude, Mom, I can't help it that I'm better at it than you are."

"Watch the smart mouth, kid," Ryan warned her, but Dean could tell it was said with love. "Them's fightin' words."

Hope's eyebrow shot up. "I can take ya."

Ryan shook her head. "Don't I know it." To the boys, Ryan said, "Hope is a card sharp. I don't know how, but she can pick up a game and within two games, she's figured out how to win. I think she's just got some of the best luck of anyone I know."

Dean grinned. "You didn't swallow any horseshoes, did you, Hopey?"

She giggled. "Mama calls me Hopey. But, no, I haven't even been near a horse in forever. Not since we went horseback riding with the girl scouts when I was a Brownie."

Ryan smiled at her daughter. "Why don't you go grab something else to play."

"So we _can _play a game?!"

"_One,_" Ryan told her. "If the Winchester boys are down with it."

Sam looked at Dean, who shrugged. "Whatever."

"Great!" Hope yelled as she ran out of the room.

Ryan sighed. "Some days, I don't have the energy."

Dean chuckled. "You know, I don't know if I ever thanked you for teaching me how to play poker. It came in handy down the road."

She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair as she bent to grab a pot from the table. "No problem."

Hope came back only moments later with Jenga, which was apparently her new favorite game, and it turned into a tournament, which Ryan won. She glanced up at the clock on the wall and said, "Well, it's time for all good little monsters to go to bed." She gestured to the baby, who was nodding off chewing on a squeaky fire truck. "Bad ones, too."

"Moooooom," Hope whined. "I don't want to go to bed. Dean promised me a story about a Wendigo."

Dean chuckled. "I did, didn't I? You want it as a bedtime story?"

Her eyes grew wide and she nodded furiously.

He laughed. "Fine. Go do what your mom says, get ready, I'll come up and tell it to you."

"Really? Thanks!" She was up like a flash, hugging Sam so hard, she almost knocked him out of his chair before running up the stairs and tromping about like crazy above their heads.

"You've created a monster, Dean," Ryan commented as she wiped the baby's hands. "Yuck. You need a bath, little dude." He definitely did. The kid was covered in barbecue sauce, mashed potatoes, and breadcrumbs, not to mention half of Dean's first piece of pie, which he'd snuck the little boy on his fork.

Ryan turned to Sam. "I'm going to get him ready for bed. Just go sit and watch some TV while I'm upstairs and Dean is scaring the crap out of my daughter."

Sam laughed. "I think I'll just head back to the motel. You're staying tonight, aren't you, Dean?"

Dean looked at Ryan. "Am I?"

She smiled softly and touched his cheek tenderly, rubbing the scruff there and his eyes traveled to hers, causing him to be spellbound. She was so beautiful. "You know I've never been able to say 'no' to that pretty face, Winchester."

"I'll come back in the morning and bring doughnuts," Sam offered.

The spell was broken as Ryan turned to Sam with another smile. "Oh, Hope will be calling you 'Uncle Sammy' if you did that."

"Hey, what am I? Chopped Liver? I'm going to be telling her an awesome story," Dean put in.

"And if you scare her too badly, you'll be the one dealing with her nightmare. Tonight. By yourself. Instead of in bed. With me."

He opened his mouth and closed it. "Duly noted, El Capitan."

She giggled and walked over to give Sam a hug goodnight before taking the baby out of his high chair. "Lock up, Dean," she called as she walked away and Dean couldn't help it as his eyes lingered on her ass until she was out of view.

"I hope like hell you know what you're doing," Sam muttered as he stood and slid his jacket back on.

"Dude, chill. It's no different than any other girl in any other town on any other night."

Sam just stared at him disbelieving. "I don't know what's worse, the fact that you just said that, or the fact you actually believe it."

Dean rubbed his arm where the mark lay beneath his sleeves. "With this, and that damn blade, we've got work to do. I'm not about to shirk my duties over some chick. You want me to leave, we leave right now."

"Damn it, Dean, that's not my point and you know it. I just…" Sam blew out a breath. "Never mind. It's not like you listen to a damn thing I say anyway. I'll see you in the morning, _partner_."

Dean's eyes closed as the flash of pain radiated through him. Partner. Not brother. Twice in one day, too. Just when he thought Sam was going to be able to…they'd seemed so back to normal with Ryan at dinner, he'd almost hoped…but, no, Sam wouldn't forget, would he? He couldn't forget that Sam would never forgive him for Gadreel. He'd made the best out of an impossible situation. It was the right choice, and even though everything got fucked sideways, he would still make it, just like this damn mark.

It gave him almost a pang as he thought about it; the thrill of chopping off that asshole, Culberth Sinclair's head with the blade, letting the blade claim him as its owner. For just a moment, everything in the world was perfect and clear. But then Crowley had to fuck them over and steal it. Well, hell, if he wanted Abaddon dead, he'd have to pony up the blade eventually. But until then, the reminder of it almost gave Dean a feeling of need, of desire. And then that feeling transferred to another desire. He needed Ryan. Needed her under him. Needed to be _in _her. Now.

He marched to the front door, flipped the lock, checked to make sure everything was secure downstairs, then walked up the steps, listening. He could hear soft music playing in the room to his left, but just in front of him, he heard Ryan's soft voice cooing to the baby.

His eyes narrowed as he made his way to her as if in a trance. He threw the door open and there she stood, putting a fresh diaper on the kid. He went to her and spun her around before kissing her passionately.

She resisted for just a moment before she melted into his embrace. He felt her go all but boneless as his hands roamed over her. "Need you," he muttered. "Now."

"Dean…" she started softly, but then his lips traveled to her neck where he bit her and she moaned. "Oh, God…Dean, stop."

"No."

"Dean…"

"No."

He pushed her into the changing table and growled as his hands continued their exploration of her until she physically pushed him away. "I said no, Dean."

He stood there, blinking a moment, getting his bearings. He shook his head and looked at her. "What?"

Concern lit her features. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to tell the kid a story. Don't worry, I won't scare the pants off her…"

Ryan just looked at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I said I'm fine."

She eyed him warily. "Christo."

His eyebrows knit. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Just…got a little spooked. Sorry. Go, tell her a story. I'll be in my room."

He glanced at her, then around her to see the little boy sitting up on the changing table with his thumb already in his mouth. "Night, bud."

"Da!" the boy agreed cheerfully, causing Ryan to smile uncertainly.

Dean turned and walked back to the room with the soft music playing. He opened the door to find Hope reading in bed, waiting. The music was a soft instrumental song he wasn't sure he recognized. "What song is this?"

"Listen," she said softly as she hummed.

He waited and then asked, "Is that 'Carry On My Wayward Son'?"

She nodded. "Mom found a whole bunch of awesome rock songs done in lullaby versions. This is one of her favorite songs even though it makes her cry."

"Yeah, she's got the words tattooed on her arms."

She nodded. "Yep. She says it helps her to remember that even though life sucks sometimes, it's worth it." She paused. "She said I'm worth it. Now Bobby, too. She says if she had given up before she met you again in college, we wouldn't be here and that makes her sad sometimes."

"You know," Dean began as he sat next to her on the bed, "I think the world of your mom. Our moms knew each other. Did you know that?"

She nodded. "Mom says that your mom and her mom wanted you two to grow up and get married because then they would be best friends and inlaws." She blushed. "I think it would have been kinda cool."

Dean smiled slightly at the kid. "Yeah, well, life happens to us all. It doesn't turn out the way we want it to, but it turns out like it's supposed to."

She turned her head to the side, narrowing her eyes, thinking. "You really believe that?"

He snorted. "I don't know, kid. Probably not."

She put the book down and snuggled under her covers. "I don't wanna hear about the Wendigo."

"Good, because your mom seems to think it would give you nightmares."

At that, the kid snorted. "Yeah, well, okay. If that's what she wants to think, that's cool. But no, I wanna hear a story about you."

He was more than a little surprised. "Me?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Tell me your best memory."

He eyed her warily. "Why?"

"Because, that's how you really get to know someone."

He thought a moment. Good memories were thin across the wire for him. But he did remember one. "Okay, so, one time, when I was a teenager, me and Sammy got a ton of fireworks…"

* * *

It was almost an hour later when he stepped back out of Hope's room. The kid had gotten almost every single good memory out of him and, in turn, he made her tell him some of her best memories, all of which centered on Ryan and her, together. Simple things, the cruise they had taken together to the Caribbean where they swam with the dolphins and stingrays, going to an amusement park, Girl Scout campouts, swimming, apparently the girl was also on some swim team and already had a few junior medals to her name.

She started getting sleepy after a while and she asked for a goodnight hug before he left. She pulled him in close and whispered, "Thank you," and kissed his cheek.

He smiled at her. "Thank you. I had a lot of fun tonight. It's nice to take a night off from hunting sometimes."

"You should do it more often, have fun, I mean. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Dean too, probably."

He chuckled. "Yeah, you've got a point there." But there weren't nights off, not anymore. He felt old. This thing with Abaddon and Metatron, it was wearing him down. Demons, Angels, he just wanted to go back to the way things were, ganking monsters was easy. Dealing with all this other crap was exhausting. And, too, it made him sad, reflecting all their good times. It made him realize how bad the relationship between him and Sammy really was, but at the same time, he felt immense relief at the fact that he _did _have good memories. Those, he would cherish until his dying day. He needed to appreciate each one a little bit more.

With a full brain and an even fuller heart, he made his way to Ryan's room. _Dude, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this…_he was too emotionally exposed; his nerve endings were too fried. He was going to regret tonight, hell, he already was. But there was no turning back now. He knocked gently before opening her door.

She, like her daughter, was reading in bed and she sat the book down when he stepped inside and shut the door, flipping the lock. "She asleep?"

"Almost." He came over and stood shyly by the bedside, causing her to grin.

"Please don't tell me this is going to be awkward."

"I don't do awkward sex scenes," he muttered as he toed off his boots and sat next to her on the bed.

"Dean, what's going on with you?"

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You're…not you."

His left hand instinctively went to his right forearm.

"What?" she asked.

"I, uh, I had to do something. There's some bad shit brewing downstairs, so I had to make sure I could handle the situation."

She eyed him warily. "What did you do?"

He pulled his shirt sleeve up and showed her the mark. "It's the mark of Cain."

Her eyes grew wider. "Cain? As in, like, Bible Cain?"

He nodded.

"Oh, Dean…"

"I don't regret it," he started stiffly.

She sucked in a breath and blew it out before bending and kissing his arm, right over the mark. "You're an idiot," she murmured into his skin.

"Not the first time I've been called that."

Her eyes shot to his. She looked at him a long moment and he began to wonder if he was going to have to walk back to town before she leaned forward to kiss his lips. "I need you," was all she said.

He grasped her ankle and pulled her flat on the bed, covering her. "You got me, babe."

She shorted. "Okay, Sonny."

"Not fucking funny," he growled as his hands moved to tickle her.

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!"

He stopped and grinned down at her. "Well, Cher was hot once upon a time, but I don't think I could rock that porn 'shache could I?"

She cocked her head to the side and looked at him with one eye. "I don't know, Dean. I've seen you with long hair, if you could look halfway decent with that mop on your head, then there's a chance even the porn 'stache would look good on you."

He felt his face heat. It had been a year of insanity and just a hint of rebellion that led him to grow his hair out in the first place, back in the day. What was funny was now Sammy's hair was longer than his had been. And looked just as ridiculous, but he didn't tease his brother too much. It was pointless. Sam liked it, so that was that. Now it seemed as though they wouldn't get past this to tease one another ever again.

Ryan reached up to place a gentle hand on his cheek. "It's been a while, Dean."

"How long?" he asked.

"A few months," she managed.

His eyes narrowed and he wasn't sure why, but he suddenly saw red. He trapped her arms above her head and looked down at her. "No other man better not have touched what is mine."

"I don't recall belonging to you, Dean Winchester," she stated defiantly.

"You. Are. Mine." he growled as he bent his head to bite her neck again. "You're mine and no other man had better fucking touch you, damn it."

He felt her tense for a half a second before she moved under him, somehow managing to flip them so she was on top. She stared down at him. "Is that a fucking fact? Well then, Dean, I suggest you fucking show me. Mark me as yours, damn it."

He let out a carnal snarl and sat up and ripped her top off of her before fisting both her breasts and she moaned as she dipped her mouth to his, biting his lip in the process.

"Fuck," he muttered as she began kissing down his face, down his neck, nipping at the skin there.

"Shit, Ryan," he murmured as her hands started pulling at his shirts, her strength surprising him slightly as she ripped his undershirt.

"Need you," she repeated as her hands dove to the waistband of his jeans now that his naked chest was rubbing against hers. He could feel her pert nipples teasing his own and his hips jerked of their own volition as she unzipped his pants, tugging them just enough to expose him to the cool air of the room.

"Yessss," she murmured as she slithered down him to envelop him in her mouth.

His body fell back, head hitting the wooden headboard as she sucked him in. "Damn, woman, you're going to kill me."

She nipped his tip just slightly and grinned as she slithered back up him. "Oh, I don't want you dead, Dean. I want you naked and wanting."

He flipped them and grasped both of her hands above her head again. "Oh, no, sweetheart. You're the one that will be naked and wanting."

Her eyes blazed. "Challenge fucking accepted," she murmured.

He stood in a shot, shucking out of his jeans and he watched as she sinuously slid her pajama pants and panties down her legs. She stretched wantonly and smirked up at him. "Well? I'm waiting."

He stopped and just looked at her for another moment. Her body looked different than the last time he'd seen her, softer, just a bit rounder, but no less beautiful than when he was with her last. Of course, she wasn't running for her life as often now, so that explained away the fact she wasn't all muscle and scars. He actually liked her better this way, the slight give of her flesh under his hands, the added curves that flowed down her sides. She was perfect. Venus in the flesh if he'd ever seen it.

He noticed some ink down around her ankle and saw "Hope" and "Bobby" written in fancy script with their birthdates along with some fancy swirls and flowers so that it looked like an anklet on her.

"You are the most magnificent creature I've ever seen," he murmured.

She smirked back up at him. "Yeah, yeah, flowery words, blah-blah-blah. Come fuck me, Winchester."

His eyebrow rose as he dipped down to her. "Your wish," he muttered as he teased her with a hip roll, causing her to whimper. "My command," he finished as he thrust.

* * *

It was an hour or so later as he made his way back from the bathroom. She was sleeping peacefully, curled into a ball on her side, facing his side of the bed. He slid under the covers and just looked at her. She truly was beautiful, inside and out. To think, she'd gone through as much shit as she had, and yet, she remained this awesome person, was astounding to him.

Suddenly, she woke and her eyes lit on his. She smiled. "Are you…watching me sleep?"

He chuckled. "I could say 'no' but I'd be lying. I got up to take a piss and now I'm admiring your beauty."

She snorted. "Alright then."

He slithered down a bit so he was just barely propped against the headboard and her head moved to lie on his chest. She began drawing invisible doodles against the skin of his stomach.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.

She looked up at him and kissed him tenderly. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Life."

He blew out a breath. "That's…that's a lot of thoughts for so late at night."

She chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so. I just…when I think about where my life has taken me…it's kinda unbelievable, you know?"

He nodded as he thought of the mark on his arm. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"You know, I was just thinking a few days ago about that night in college."

He smiled softly as he remembered. "Yeah, that was something."

She looked at him again. "It was a miracle I let you touch me, Dean. I don't know why I did."

"A moment of temporary insanity?" he offered.

She smiled. "Yeah, something like that." She laid her head back down on his chest and resumed drawing with her finger. "Do you…do you know what they did to me? That night?"

He shook his head. "No. You never told me and I never asked. I had an idea, though."

"D-Do you want to know?"

He didn't, at least, he didn't think he did, but he had the feeling after twenty-four years, maybe she needed to tell someone, and he was the one with the listening ears on. "If you feel like telling me," he finally said.

She sucked in a breath. "We were coming out of the rec center. That's where we had our meetings. Me and Mrs. McGivney were getting into her little car, I think it was a Toyota something or other. Suddenly, a couple of guys jumped out of the shadows. They threw a bag over my head. I heard…I heard awful sounds and I knew they were killing her. It was a wet, sticky sound and gagging. Odd, now that I think about it, I know they were slitting her throat. I heard one of them talking. It sounded like he was on the phone, something about finishing a job or something. To this day, I have no idea what they were talking about, or who they were talking to. But then I was picked up and thrown into the trunk of a car."

She was silent for a moment and he held his breath, waiting for her to continue, yet, dreading it.

"Eventually, we stopped, and I was pulled out and taken into a building. An old barn. I was stood up and the bag removed. I saw men that were familiar. The butcher my dad always talked to from the grocery store was the one in front, and two others, one of the guys from the post office, and another, from the police, were behind him. Mr. Marcus, well, that was the meatsuit the demon was riding, slapped me, knocked me to the ground. His eyes…they flashed black, and I remember being just terrified of that. He looked like an alien or something with those black eyes…"

Dean's right hand began soothing and rubbing her back. He squeezed her to him as she continued her tale. "They didn't even rip off my clothes. No, it was worse. They undressed me like they were unwrapping a present. The other two held me down as Mr. Marcus," she shook her head. "No. Raeburn. He said his name was Raeburn; that was the demon in charge. He undressed me and I remembered being so ashamed. I wasn't pretty like the other girls were. I was still flat-chested and had a little tummy pooch, nothing special in the least."

That hadn't been true. She had been beautiful from the moment he saw her, and he wanted to tell her, but he knew better than to interrupt her. She had things she needed to say, obviously.

She took in a stuttering breath. "They…they took turns with me. Even though Raeburn was in charge, he let the other two have a turn. But by then he was ready for another round. I remembered it hurting so much in the beginning, but then it all kinda went numb and I felt relief. It didn't hurt so bad then, so I relaxed. I should have known that was when they'd pull out the knives."

He tensed. He couldn't imagine her tale getting any worse, but he had the feeling it was about to.

"At first, it was little cuts, just enough to spill blood and then they would clot. Hundreds of them, thousands, all over my body. Some left scars, though, some were just scratches that faded away. But then…then he took that knife." She was quiet for a moment before she began again. "You know, it was nothing special, just a hunting knife. I have one, you have one, hell, any hunter, no matter if they hunt monsters or deer, has one. Just a simple knife. But it hurts. It hurts so badly when it's thrust into you."

He felt physically ill and wished she would stop, but he couldn't ask her to. She needed this, he could tell.

"That was when they heard a noise outside. The other two, I still don't know their names, they went outside to check it out. I was almost passed out by then I guess, from blood loss or trauma or shock, I don't know. Then, all of a sudden, I saw thick black smoke coming out of Mr. Marcus and it poured into me, then I wasn't out of it anymore. I felt…it was terrible. It was inside me…and it was a hundred times worse than the rapes."

He winced. "Did he…were you awake?"

"Oh, I remember everything," she stated quickly. "The police raced in and shot Mr. Marcus, killed him. He didn't…he was innocent. It was that _thing _that made him do all those things to me, to the other girls. Looking back, I hate it for him. Isn't that funny? I feel sorry for him. He didn't know. How could he? I remember it dressing me and talking like me and the drive back to my house. I tried to shout that I was stuck inside my body with that thing but it wouldn't let me talk, just slapped me around mentally. It was awful."

She shivered and he knew what was coming next. "I remember the trip back to the house. He was…he was vibrating with excitement inside my skin. He wasn't done with me, I could tell, and he was enjoying mocking me in my head. We walked up the steps and they knocked on the door. I heard Mom screaming in relief, felt her wrap me in a hug, I remembered seeing you and I could see the wariness on your face. You knew, didn't you? That something wasn't right."

He debated whether she wanted an answer from him or not, but then she continued. "I followed her down the hall…Mom got the tub ready for me. She was bent over testing the water when I saw my hand come out and stab her with the knife, the one that had my dried blood on it. Raeburn must have hidden it under my skirt, I guess. I don't remember. I couldn't really feel any sensations, just see things out of my eyes and know it wasn't right…" she was silent a moment before she looked up at him. "It whispered to her. It said, 'This is what happens to friends of Mary Winchester'. Do you know what that means?"

Dean's eyes grew wide. He'd never made the connection. "All…all Mom's friends were killed because of what the yellow eyed demon did to Sam. He, uh…"

She held a finger up to his lips. "I know about the apocalypse, Dean. It's okay."

"It's not okay, Ryan."

She shook her head and laid it back on his chest. "It doesn't matter now, Dean. It's over and done with, has been for years."

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

She sighed. "Me too." She looked up at him again. "I'm sorry I burdened you with this. I hadn't meant to…"

He silenced her with a gentle kiss. "It's okay, Ryan. You've never told anyone this before, have you?"

She shook her head. "Bits and pieces. No one knows everything, well, except for you."

"I'm glad it was me," he told her truthfully. He couldn't imagine her telling anyone else. It would…hurt him, if she had shared this with anyone else.

"Dean…I need to tell you something."

His eyebrow rose. "What more could you tell me?"

"You're…you're the only man I've ever been with."

It wasn't the first time she'd told him that. He hadn't believed her because it had usually been said in jest. But now, after knowing what those monsters did to her…he could believe it. "Ever? Like, ever, ever?"

She smiled and nodded. "I…I tried, before, but it never worked out. So…I never tried again."

"I thought you said it had been a few months."

"A few months since I've touched myself," she amended.

He chortled as he turned them so he was hovering just to her right. He didn't know if she would be in the mood for anything else. He wouldn't be, if all that shit had been done to him and he'd dug it all up again. So he kept it light as he said, "Well, then, I guess we need to give you a few more orgasms then, make up for things."

She giggled and touched his face. He wasn't sure why, but he loved it when she touched his face, his hair, like he was something to be cherished. He'd not felt that very often in his life. Usually it was a sting of pain, rarely ever a whisper of tenderness.

"I think you should start right now, then."

"Are-are you sure?" he questioned.

She nodded. "I'm positive, Dean. You've only ever touched me with gentleness."

"I wasn't tender earlier…"

She giggled again. "Dean, that was some fabulous fucking. It doesn't always have to be gentle. You can be rough with me. I won't break."

"You should be treated with care, Ryan. The things you've survived…"

"I survived them," she agreed. "But now, I just want to _live_, Dean. I want to _feel,_ I want to be _wanted_."

He chuckled. "Well, honey, you've never been wanted by a man like you've been wanted like me. You drive me crazy every time I see you." He kissed her neck and moved over the top of her.

She opened her legs for him and he brushed her, causing her to shiver. "Dean, from the first time I saw you in Hooligans, you've made me want you. I can't describe how much I want you. Every time I see you, I need you. Touching me, fondling me, fucking me…it's never enough."

He thrust and they were joined. "God, Ryan," he muttered as his head dipped to hers. Their eyes met as they began moving. "You make me want things…"

She pulled his lips down to hers. When he pulled away, she shook her head. "You can't, Dean, and neither can I. Let's not label this with something neither of us can give."

She was right, he knew it. He didn't know how it had happened, but he wanted from her what he thought he wanted from Cassie, what he tried with Lisa. He wanted a future with her and these kids. And he knew he'd never get it. Not with this damn mark, not with Abaddon and Metatron out there, and not with all the terrible things in this world. He wasn't cut out for this life. But he wanted it. Truthfully, he'd always wanted it. He didn't want to be a killer, didn't want to be a monster, yet, that was what he had become. He was a hunter, a predator, someone that should scare her. He was no better than the demons that did those things to her, yet still, she wanted him.

"Okay," he whispered as he felt his eyes stinging with unshed tears. He saw them reflected in her eyes, too. She wanted this with him, too, he knew it. So, he didn't mention it again as he took her up and over, watching the orgasm take control and rip through her as she rode out the pleasure.

_I love you, _he thought. Even if he couldn't say it, he admitted it to himself now. He had probably loved her since that first time he didn't want to leave her in college. He hadn't known it for what it was at the time, but he could have loved her then. Why else had she been the only woman outside of Lisa and Cassie he'd been with more than once? Three women he'd loved in different ways throughout his life, three women he'd loved and left, or had left him. Three remarkable women, different, yet very similar. Strong, sensitive, not overtly girly, yet incredibly feminine. Three women who had, at one time or another, kicked his ass to put him in his place. No, he had loved them all and left them because of that love, just like he would do in the morning. But for now…

He smiled as he bent to her. "Wanna try something different?"

She smirked. "Well, hell, sweetheart, I'm game," she muttered.

* * *

The next morning, he woke alone but heard the shower running, so he figured that was where Ryan was. He stood and stretched, debating going to join her when he heard babbling on the baby monitor. His brain and his cock warred with him. He wanted to join her. They'd never had sex in the shower together, but the kid… He clicked the button on the monitor, showing a live feed of the baby's room, because, of course she'd have a camera in the baby's room, he saw the kid just laying in bed, just waking up, apparently. Well, if the kid was anything like him, he would be content to lie in bed a few minutes.

He smiled as he made his way to the bathroom and saw Ryan's silhouette against the glass shower door. He knocked gently on it so as not to startle her and she was all smiles as she slid it open. "Yes?"

He licked his lips as he caught a glimpse of wet skin. "May I join you?"

She looked like she was thinking about it for a moment before she giggled and grabbed his hand, pulling him in under the spray.

"Fuck," he muttered as the hot water beat down on him. "This is incredible."

"So are you," she murmured as she put her arms around his neck, bringing him down to her for a kiss.

"You're delectable," he growled as his hands traveled down her wet back to palm her ass.

"I, uh, God," she groaned as his lips attacked her neck. "I've dreamed about this."

His eyebrow rose and the side of his mouth lifted. "Is that a fact? Well, I guess we need to make that dream a reality, don't we?" He grasped under her thighs and she gave a little jump until her legs were wrapped around him and he pushed her into the wall.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she told him as she held onto his shoulders.

"Shower sex _is _fairly complicated, especially if two people try to command it."

She shot him a grin. "Luckily, I'll let you be in control of the situation, Dean, since you're clearly an expert."

"Damn right. I'm the _specialist_."

"Wow me then," she challenged.

He thrust and she moaned as his hands squeezed her thighs. "See, the key here," he muttered as he moved, "Is to keep aware of your surroundings."

"W-Why?" she questioned as she began moving her hands, running them over his short hair, down his neck, massaging slightly, before moving one hand to his nipple.

"Fuck," he growled. "Damn it, woman, I'm concentrating."

She smirked. "What's the matter, Dean? Can't you do more than one thing at once? You're fucking me in the shower. Aren't you _the_ _specialist_?"

"Smart ass," he growled with narrowed eyes.

She smiled. He got her going and almost to the edge before he pulled away, holding onto her as he lowered her legs. She found her footing and she whimpered, but only for a moment before he turned her and pulled her back flat against his chest, one hand sweeping her hair forward, out of his way. She let out a whine and he smiled as he attacked her shoulders, nipping at the ink on her back. "If more angels were like you, I wouldn't have a problem with them," he told her.

She looked at him over her shoulder. "And if devils were more like you, women would throw themselves at them."

He chuckled as his hands traveled, one to her breast, and one down lower, to tangle in her curls. He positioned himself and she gasped as he thrust into her. "Fucking hell," she cried as his hands began moving in time with his thrusts and it took no time at all for them both to finish.

He pulled away then and turned her once more so she was facing him and he gently kissed her lips. "It also helps to have someone who is tall enough to line up appropriately with you."

She laughed at that. He quickly washed off and stepped back out of the shower, throwing a towel around his hips. "Go on and take your time. I'll just go get dressed."

"Thank you!" she called as he walked out of the room.

"Oh, you're more than welcome," he stated quietly as he moved to gather his clothes.

He dressed quickly and checking the monitor again, decided to go get the baby up. He padded barefoot across the hall and down to stop before Hope's room, looked inside, and found her sleeping peacefully, even though her head was at the foot of the bed and half of her body was hanging off the side. Well, he'd woken like that a time or two, himself, though, usually, it was after a bender. Alcohol could screw with you if you drank enough of it. He should know. He shut her door and walked to Bobby's room.

"Hey, little man," he muttered as he opened the door, not wanting to spook the kid.

"Da!"

Dean chuckled. "Is that all you know how to say? Huh? You trying to say my name? Dean. Duh-duh-Dean."

The baby just looked at him and smiled.

"Yeah, you're cute. We get it." He eyed the baby warily. "Well, I guess you want a diaper, huh?"

The baby didn't say anything, save for holding out his arms. Dean picked him up and walked him to the changing table. "Alright, so, I suck at this, okay? But let's let your mom have a minute to herself. It's not like she ever has any help, right?"

The baby giggled and blew a raspberry. Dean got him undressed, changed into a new diaper, figured out where the hell the kid's clothes were, and got him redressed. "Okay, so, you drink out of a cup, right? I guess I could get you some milk or something. Sis is still sleeping, so we won't wake her up yet." He began humming and turned around, startled to find Ryan standing there, wet hair hanging down her back and a smile on her face.

"Are you humming Metallica?"

"It calms me, figured it would work for him, too."

She chuckled. "He likes 'Enter Sandman' actually, if you're going to hum Metallica to him."

"Kid's got good taste in music. I assume we can thank his mom for that?"

"Naturally."

"But not The Eagles."

"Dude, you and Hope have got to let that go. I like The Eagles. Sue me. And furthermore, I blame your father for your dislike of decent music."

"Hey!" he cried indignant. "Dad taught me a lot of decent stuff, Ry. It's not my fault your dad liked rockabilly crap."

Her eyebrow shot up. "'Rockabilly crap'? I know you did not just refer to one of the greatest bands of all time as 'rockabilly crap' like, like they're Nickelback or something!"

They both shivered at _that _comparison. Just then, they heard the sound of the Impala driving up and all of a sudden they also heard, "Mom! Sam and Dean are back!"

Dean felt a blush creep up on his face. "You gonna tell the kid I spent the night?"

"Do _you _want to explain sex to my daughter, Dean?"

"Uh…no. Sammy went on a doughnut run. I stayed here and watched Bobby while you showered. Good enough?"

She smirked and nodded. "Yeah, that works." She took the baby from him and kissed his lips. "Dean, if you ever need me, you know I'm here, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I know." He watched her walk out of the room and sighed. He believed her, but he wouldn't call her, _couldn't _call her. He wouldn't pop back into her life again, not now that she had kids. It wasn't fair to any of them.

He sucked in a breath and quickly went to get his boots on before he galloped down the stairs. Coffee was already going and everyone else was already seated at the table.

"Thanks for the doughnuts," Hope said with a powdery face to Sam.

He chuckled and handed her a napkin. "No problem."

"I have fruit," Ryan told them as she pulled a few bowls out of the refrigerator.

"That sounds great, thanks, Ryan," Sam said before he took a sip of his coffee.

Dean went over to the coffee pot and grabbed a mug Ryan had sat out. His fingers brushed hers as she mixed some strawberries, melon, and grapes together for Sam. "Thanks," he murmured to her.

She looked up at Dean and smiled. "Thank _you_."

He grinned and sat down.

"Dean! Try one of these! Sandy makes the best doughnuts in three states!"

Dean's eyebrow rose as he took the doughnut from Hope. "Three states, huh? You sure? Because I've had some pretty good doughnuts in my day."

"Uh-huh, but they aren't Sandy's."

"Sandra Clare. She has a bakery in town. They really are the best," Ryan said as she sat down with her own bowl of fruit.

"You don't eat doughnuts?" Dean asked around a mouth full of fried excellence. The kid might be right; they were some of the best doughnuts he'd ever had.

Ryan wrinkled her nose. "Uh…no. I love sweets as much as the next person, but fried dough is a little much for even me. My kids, however, don't have that problem."

He grinned as Bobby shoved a handful of cut up doughnut into his mouth. "Looks like Mr. Bobby will need another bath when he's done," Dean commented with a chuckle.

Ryan laughed and nodded. "Yeah, probably. He's a little piggy, aren't you?" Ryan cooed as she tickled the baby's neck.

Breakfast was over too soon for all of them and he dreaded leaving even as he knew he needed to. They got cleaned up and headed for the door. Once out on the porch, he gave Hope a hug and a kiss on her forehead before he took the baby from Ryan and hugged him too. He handed the baby to Sam whose eyes widened and Dean held in a smirk before he turned back to Ryan and pulled her to him for a bone crushing hug.

"Take care of yourself, Dean," he heard her whisper in his ear. "I'm here for you if you need me. I've never changed my number. It's always there for you, tucked in your phone."

He just nodded and released her, fighting the emotion he refused to name as he did so. She squeezed his arm right over the mark and let him go.

He walked to the car without looking back and slid behind the wheel. He glanced up in the rearview mirror and noticed Sam taking a moment to say something. He watched as they had a short conversation and he saw Sam nod and pass the baby to Hope so he could also hug Ryan, hugging her a little longer than Dean thought was strictly necessary before going down on one knee to give Hope a hug and kiss like Dean had.

As he got in, Dean asked, "What did she tell you?"

Sam's jaw ticked. "She wanted me to call her if something happened to you."

He felt that twinge again, like, maybe he should go back, like, maybe he was making a mistake here. But it was too damn late. He'd taken the mark. He had to follow through with it. So he smirked. "Ain't nothing going to happen to me, Sammy. I'm gonna gut that that bitch, Abaddon, help Cas with the fuckfest upstairs, get rid of that smarmy bastard, Metatron, and live happily fucking ever after."

Sam didn't say a word.

* * *

**An2: Okay...so...the kid? Hope? My daughter. Her name is even Hope. Yes, I wrote her in the story. I can. It's my story. Anyway, some of these things I've literally taken from her mouth. I've wrote stuff down she's said just so I could put it in this chapter. And the songs? OMG. Totally her. She loves Renegade. It's her favorite song of the moment. She loves Big Time Rush and yes, we did have the conversation how Carlos is her soul mate. Don't judge. She's ten. **

**So...next chapter...Dean wakes up with the mark! I hope you're ready!**

**Next week I will be on vacay (for two saturdays, actually) so even though I'll take my memory stick with me, I MIGHT not get a chance to post. If not, I'm sorry. The next few chapters all run close together in time, so I feel the need not to break them up for too long. So, hopefully, I'll see you guys next week! I'll be the one tanned and fabulous. ;) **


	7. Monster

**Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Supernatural. Wish that I did! Because, man, would I love to say I owned those boys!**

**AN: Hey, guys! SOOOO sorry I didn't update last week! Both kids are sick. Ugh. No fun whatsoever. Here's the newest chapter! Hang on...for two weeks we will have demon!Dean then we're going back in time (you'll understand when we get there) Don't forget to show me some love on the way out, kay? **

* * *

**(Tag to 9X23 "Do You Believe in Miracles" AU as of Season 10's Premier, I'm sure)**

"I never lied, Dean," he heard Crowley say from somewhere in the darkness. Dean snorted internally. _Whatever helps you sleep better at night, _he thought. He faded in and out a few times. Wasn't this death? Wasn't he dead by now? Why couldn't he see anything? He remembered being dragged to hell by the hellhounds when his deal came due. He remembered dying and waking up in heaven, also. So why couldn't he wake up? Instead, he was floating in the abyss of darkness.

He continued to listen to Crowley's melodious voice floating through his ears. He wasn't sure where he was, but he was getting a bad feeling about where Crowley's words were going…

"But…there is one story about Cain I have…forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than become the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So, he took his own life with the Blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the Mark never quite let go."

_What? You son of a bitch! What do you mean? Am I dead or not? _

"You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me…no, it wasn't truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten…that I began to let myself believe."

Dean felt something in his hand. He _felt. _Something was happening.

"Maybe miracles do come true," Crowley stated.

Something was bubbling, building inside him, like black oil racing through his veins. He could feel it, and dread pitted in his stomach. He wasn't in hell. He wasn't in heaven. But he was dead. He wasn't Dean Winchester anymore, was he?

"Listen to me, Dean Winchester, what you're feeling now – it's not death. It's life – a new kind of life."

He felt it. He was empty, but at the same time, full. He wasn't _him _anymore, but he was _something. _

"Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel."

He couldn't open his eyes. To open his eyes was to betray everything he had been, everything he wanted to be…

"And let's go take a howl at that moon."

He tried to stop it, but he couldn't. The mark had taken over. He opened his eyes.

"There you are, Squirrel. See? No harm no foul. How do you feel?"

Dean blinked. He could see things in crystal clear black and white. Figuratively, not literally. No, if anything, he could see every color of the rainbow and, hell, a few new colors as well. Everything was sharp and in focus and he was…blank. He was completely devoid of emotions. "What am I?" he asked gruffly, his voice a bit deeper than it usually was.

"A new creature, reborn out of death. What do you think you are?"

"Demon," he growled.

Crowley smiled. "Yes, a demon, but _the _demon. A true knight of hell if I've ever seen it."

"I…" confusion warred in him. He didn't feel, yet, at the same time, he could feel a myriad of emotions. They were just…separate from him.

"It will take a while to adjust, Dean. You haven't had centuries to prepare as a tortured soul would, though, I do suppose you've had decades, haven't you? Since long before your first jaunt into hell. Come. I will show you everything you need to know."

Dean stood but stopped. "Can I trust you?"

Crowley looked at him. "Who else could you trust, _but _me, Dean? If you hadn't the mark, Metatron would have killed you. If so, then Sam would have made a deal with me and really, would that solve anything? Isn't it better that you are going with me willingly, instead of me having one of my pets drag him down to hell?"

Dean couldn't ignore that. Crowley was right. Sammy had to stay safe. Even if he felt no…emotional connections at the moment, he _knew _Sammy had to stay safe. "Okay."

He'd followed Crowley like a little puppy out of the bunker and in a wink, they were gone, just like the demons they were.

The next few days passed in a blur as Crowley helped Dean realize who he was. He was not human. He had no ties to humanity, not anymore. He was a demon. And as such, he should embrace the things Alistair had taught him, embrace the evil within him. It was…freeing. He had always loved pain and suffering, killing and maiming, and Crowley had a long list of creatures that deserved just that. In fact, that was how they wound up going to a warehouse where a few of Abaddon's followers cowered in hiding. Only a few swipes of his Blade and had, naturally, dispersed of the traitors.

Dean was just wiping the blood off of The First Blade when he felt a rush of something cool blow against him. He turned quickly and saw Castiel standing before him.

Dean waited for a flash of recognition, and when none came, he smiled cruelly. Oh, he _remembered, _he just did not _feel_. And _hell, _was it nice not to feel a damn thing. "Hello, little angel. Come to see if you can find who I used to be within this shell?"

"Dean. You are in there. I know you are. I see your soul, even if it is damaged by demon darkness."

Dean laughed flatly. "Cas, Cas, Cas…oh, you poor thing. How foolish you must feel. You've given up everything for me. Your grace, your humanity, your followers, your life…everything. And for what? For me to be this?" Dean gestured his hand up and down his body as he flashed his black eyes at the angel. "I'm what you despise, am I not? An abomination ten times worse than what sweet, little Sam had been with his demon blood. Do you still care? Do you still _love _me, little angel?"

"I have and will always, care for you Dean," Castiel began uncertainly.

Dean's sneer grew. "Yes. Care. But you know, I want to hear you _say _it."

"S-Say what?" Castiel asked, and Dean could hear some of that oh so sweet confusion in the angel's voice.

"That you love me, Castiel. That you love me, who I was. Who I am no longer."

"You are still in there, Dean. I can feel you…"

Dean smiled. "I bet you'd _like _to feel me, little angel." He sidled up to Cas and ran his nose along Cas' face. "Tell me, angel face, did you ever want _more _from me?"

Cas' eyebrows knit. "What do you mean?"

Dean chuckled. "Sex, Cas. Come on. I saw the looks you gave me. I'm not a complete moron. And though I might be a different…creature…than I was then, trust me, I remember _everything._"

Cas leaned back from him slightly, but that just caused Dean to move closer. "Dean, I do not know what you ever thought, but trust me when I say, I never had feelings of a sexual nature for you. You are my brother in arms, or you were. I considered you family. I still do. Please, learn how to channel this evil within you. If not for me, do it for Sam…"

Dean let out another laugh as he looked at his brother. The man-cub looked so lost and forlorn, like a five year old peeking out of a thirty two year old body. "Sammy! I almost forgot about you! How could I forget my dear brother? Another would-be king. I tell ya, I bet you didn't feel this juiced on demon blood." He lifted the blade to his left arm and sliced it, so it began to ooze, the red dripping down his arm obscenely. He held out his arm to Sam. "Smell it. Don't you know it tastes delicious? You could be with me, Sammy. All you have to do is give in. Just a taste. Come on, we can march straight down there to hell and let old Luci out of his cage. Wouldn't that be a hoot and a half? Dude, the things we could do, the shit we could fuck up…Luci wearing you as his meat suit, me, being his number one knight…"

"What?" Crowley began, but Dean just sent a bit of power his way, knocking him to the ground and shutting him up.

"No, Crowley, I'm not talking to you. Now, sit down and let the grown ups have a discussion, first."

He eyed Sam, who looked more than a little terrified. The evil smile reappeared on his face. "Think about it, Sammy. You can't have me as the old Dean, so, why not join the new Dean? You'd be a great leader down south. Some of them still hold out hopes for The Boy King. Apparently it's still in the prophesies…"

Sam started shaking his head. "No. No, Dean, please!"

Dean laughed flatly and then turned back to Cas. "Tell me, dearest Castiel, did you mourn?"

"Of course I did! When Metatron told me he had killed you…"

Dean let out another bark of laughter. "Oh, I bet the little angel's tears were so sweet they'd give you cavities. Did Metatron laugh at you? Did he sneer at you? Do you think he realized what he had done to me? That he had made me into your destroyer?"

Something flashed in Castiel's eyes. "This isn't you, Dean. Put down the blade, see who you are, who you really are…"

Anger flashed back through Dean, causing his eyes to go black once more. "No. This is who I am."

The Angel Blade slipped down into Castiel's right hand. "I don't want to do this."

Dean smirked anew. "Your grace is low, Cas. You're weak."

"I'm strong enough," Cas stated.

Dean just looked at him for a moment as Cas' eyes turned and began glowing blue as the angel grace flowed through him.

The First Blade sung in Dean's hand as the power from The Mark went out into it.

Cas began to glow and he showed his wings.

Dean grinned. "Let's do this."

The fight began slowly, just slashes toward one another as they gauged each other's response times. Then, it became more aggressive as both realized the other wouldn't flag, or weaken quickly. Cas caught him with a slash across his chest and Dean retaliated with one to Cas' arm.

It went on like that for an eternity it seemed, trading cuts, and punches when blades wouldn't work until Cas tripped and Dean was on him instantaneously. Cas was quick, though, and protected himself with his Angel Blade as The First Blade swung down toward him in what should have been a killing blow.

Dean had Cas on the ground, straddling him, pressing down on him. The grace was leaking out of the angel from twenty different cuts all over his body. Their eyes met over the crossed Angel and First Blades.

"Dean," Cas panted, "Please, come back to me. Come back to _us._ What do you want me to say? I love you. Sam loves you. There are more than a few people that want to see you good. Please do not do this…"

Something was happening. Dean felt…off. For the first time since awakening, he felt the stirrings of _something. _

Cas's eyes met his and he said, "I'm sorry, brother," and kneed Dean in the groin. It was enough of a shock that the angel would play dirty, to cause Dean's grip to slip off the Blade and Cas managed to wrestle it away from him.

Dean's eyes cleared and he felt them return back to their normal shade of green. For just that instant, he remembered who he had been and _felt_.

He stumbled away from the angel and sank to his knees. "Cas?"

Cas got to his knees and shook his head weakly. "Dean."

"Cas? What…what's happening?"

Castiel smiled softly and held The First Blade close to him. "This, Dean, this is where the evil truly lies. The connection between it and The Mark is what makes the evil within you sing. Without it, you will be more in touch with your humanity. You will be able to function."

"I-I don't know what to do…"

"I do," Castiel told him. "Come with me, Dean. I will make this work."

Dean shook his head. "No…I can't…Cas…" He looked over at Sam, who had fear and disgust written all over his face. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be here. He focused his energy and disappeared to hell.

He went to the 'rooms' Crowley had fashioned him and lay down on the bed. He didn't sleep now, but he liked having somewhere to just relax.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Crowley asked as he stormed in. "What did you do, letting the angel take the blade?"

"Fuck off, Crowley," he growled.

"You're being a child, Dean. You are a demon, damn it! You should bloody well act like one!"

"I don't want to be!" he screamed, and he blinked as he realized it was true. He didn't want to be a demon. Of course, he had no choice in the matter, but there you go.

"Well boo-hoo," Crowley sneered. "You are, in fact, a demon, Dean!"

"I said shut up!" Dean roared and sent out power to slap Crowley against the wall. His eyes narrowed as he sat up. "Look, I don't know what you want from me, but I'm not your puppet, Crowley! Not now, not ever!"

Crowley smiled and pushed himself off the wall. "I don't know why you don't accept it, Dean. You are a demon. Nothing can cure you of it."

"A demon can be cured," Dean stated petulantly. He knew it. They had almost cured Crowley.

"Ah, yes, a _demon _can be cured. Your average, run-of-the-mill demon, and possibly even the king of the crossroads, but a _knight of hell _can not be cured, Dean. You are a demon forever." And with that, Crowley vanished.

"Fuck," Dean muttered. If he'd had it in him, he would have cried.

* * *

Dean didn't know how long he stayed holed up in his rooms. No one came to bother him, and he didn't need to eat, so he just sat. He wasn't sure what to do with himself, so, he stayed right there, where the desire to do evil couldn't penetrate his human emotions. He still didn't feel…normal, he supposed, though, how would he know? He remembered being human, remembered feeling things, and that was what it felt like, memories only, not actual feelings. It was like with the need to eat; he could remember feeling hungry, but he wasn't actually hungry.

He was ruminating over this when a soft knock sounded on his door. "What?" he called out crossly.

"Dean? Can I come in?"

_Cas. Great. _"Yeah, I guess so."

Castiel walked in and smiled. He seemed…different. Better. Dean looked at him for a moment before his eyes widened. "How did you get your grace back?" Because that was what it was. He was a full blown angel once more.

"It isn't mine."

"So, it'll wear off over time?"

Cas shook his head. "No. It is now mine because it was given to me."

"By whom?"

"Metatron."

"What? You even _wanted _part of that douche inside you? Dude, and I'm thinking _I'm _the one that's fucked up."

Castiel chuckled. "It was not my idea, I assure you. No, we convened a court and had a trial against him. He was convicted and sentenced to live on earth in a human jail. I, personally, wanted him to rot for eternity in heaven's jail, but I was outvoted. It was understood that he would give up his grace willingly to me as part of his plea-bargain."

"Wow. So…where is he?"

Cas' eyebrows rose. "Nowhere I am going to tell you. You will not go kill him. Trust me, there is a list of humans as well as other angels that want him dead also, Dean. I will not reveal his location. It wasn't the justice I wanted for him, but I can not say I do not appreciate the gift of his grace."

"And it won't burn out of you?"

Cas shook his head. "If grace is given willingly, it bonds with the angel that receives it. That was the problem before, I stole it. I…I am guilty of many things, but it was agreed that I am one of the best suited to help lead heaven now."

"One of the ones?"

Cas nodded. "After Metatron's fate was decided, we then discussed many details, one of which was the fact no angel can handle being in charge of heaven alone. An archangel, certainly, has the capacity, but even then, Michael ran things, but Raphael was his second in command. Now, though, we are at a loss, so, we will be a democracy. It is quite an adjustment for everyone…"

Dean snorted. "I bet. So…what's up? Feeling nostalgic? Wanted to come gawk at the freak that used to be your human friend?"

Cas sent a sorrowful look his way. "No, Dean. I came with news. The angels are willing to forgive you your transgressions. I can cure you of being a demon."

"You can?" That sounded…too good to be true, actually. And entirely too simple. Dean had the distinct impression curing him wouldn't be just like Cas had done in the past, a simple touch and it was done.

Cas nodded. "All we need to do is have you give The Mark back to Cain. Once the mark is removed, I can, with a bit of help and a few ancient ingredients, turn you back human."

Dean sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, well, I'm still screwed."

"Why?"

"That was one of the first things Crowley told me I needed to do…get rid of the competition…"

"You killed Cain?" Castiel's voice held nothing but surprise.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Cain wanted me to, and Crowley reminded me of the promise I made to him that I would, once everything was over…"

"So you killed him?!"

"I'm sorry, Cas! How the hell was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to do that?! Huh?! I didn't know, okay! I wasn't in my right mind!"

"Well no shit," Cas stated bitterly.

Dean looked at him and chuckled. It then turned into full-out belly laughs until he had to sit down on the bed once more.

"I am glad I amuse you, Dean. But to use your words, we are royally screwed."

Dean hiccupped as his laughter subsided and he wiped his eyes. "Thanks, Cas. I needed that laugh." He sobered up and shook his head. "So, I'm not eligible for the cure. What's next?"

Cas winced. "There is one other idea…Hannah originally suggested it…it is quite ludicrous…"

"Cas, just blurt it out already."

"Hannah suggested you take over for Crowley."

"As the king of the crossroads? Cas, man, I'm not comfortable tricking people into deals. Besides, who of the demons would want me to be over them anyway?"

"No, Dean, not as the king of the crossroads…"

"Then…?"

"Are you going to make me say it?"

Dean blinked as the pieces of the puzzle fit together, then, "YOU WANT ME TO BE THE KING OF HELL?!"

Cas winced. "As I said, it is not my idea. I didn't really care for this idea, but given your options…"

"My options?"

Cas blew out a breath and sat next to Dean on the bed. "You are either on the side of angels, or you are against them, Dean. You aren't human anymore. There is no middle ground for you. You can't continue to let Crowley dictate who you are and what you do. You can't be a hunter anymore, either."

"I know that, Cas." He had come to the realization his days of hunting were over. Besides, would Sam even want to see him? Truthfully, he wasn't sure he even wanted to see Sam. What would they say to one another? The last time he saw his brother, he tried to talk him into drinking demon blood and being Lucifer's bitch again.

"Then, if you aren't for us, you are against us, as I said."

Dean's brow knit. "Wait, you're saying, if you can't cure me, and if I don't agree to take over hell, the angels are going to send a hit squad after me?"

Cas winced again. "I'm just giving you fair warning, Dean. You were right when you said you are an abomination. I'm sorry. I will, of course, deny I told you any of this and you are free to be on the lamb, but…"

"I don't want to stay in hiding for eternity, Cas!"

Castiel nodded. "I agree. I would hate to see that fate befall you, Dean."

They sat there in silence for a moment. "So…King of Hell, huh?"

Castiel shrugged. "If you become king, since you have the gift of The Mark, you can create a few knights to help you, people you trust that are here."

Dean snorted at that. "Who in Hell do I trust? Seriously?"

Castiel thought a moment. "Perhaps 'trust' isn't the right word, but I am sure there are those souls you believe could handle the job. Think back to who may be here…"

Dean thought a moment and two names popped into his head. "Hey, Cas, where do demons go when they're killed with the angel blade?"

Cas smiled. "I see where you are going with this. They are in a special part of Hell. They are tortured further for eternity, particularly if they went against one of the hierarchy's orders."

That gave Dean another thought. "What about ones killed with the knife?"

Cas thought a moment, then nodded. "Those too."

Dean smiled. "I see. And ones exorcized?"

"They are in another area since they were just sent back down." Cas paused. "You have not looked around here much, have you?"

Dean shook his head. "Crowley's had me on a short leash."

"That doesn't sound like the Dean Winchester I know."

"I'm not, though, am I?"

"Dean, you are what you make yourself. If you choose to be, you can be as evil as you wish. But…if you choose to do good with this…gift you now have, then, you can do much of whatever you want."

Dean blew out a breath. "King of Hell, huh?" he murmured again as his brain processed the suggestion once more.

"It is just a mere suggestion."

"If I do this, it makes it much safer for the people topside, doesn't it?"

Cas nodded hesitantly. "It will, because, ultimately, you will be the one in charge. But bear in mind, there must be a balance, Dean. A balance between good and evil. You will still have to recruit souls. You will still get the murderers, the rapists, the dredges of society, but you will also have those that make the crossroads deals."

Dean thought of Ryan, how her life was ruined because of demons who had men's desires. There were men, normal, human men who liked to do those same things. He could handle taking care of those scumbags. The people that hurt little girls, kids in general, men that beat their wives, yeah, he would have no problem handling those. And, hey, if he went a little easier on a soul for making a bad deal, well, he could probably handle that, too. After all, he would be the big kahuna, right?

A slow smile spread across his face. "I'll do it, Cas."

"You will?"

He nodded. "But, I have one caveat."

"Name it."

"Sam gets a free ride to heaven. No matter what, the kid gets in the gates to be with Mom and Dad and Jess."

"Absolutely, of course."

"Did, ah, have you seen Kevin?"

Cas nodded. "I have. He is still fine with his mother."

"He hasn't headed to heaven?"

Cas shook his head. "He seems to think he's better off here at the moment."

"You don't think there's any way you could bring him back to life, is there?"

Cas just looked at him. "Dean, you of all people should know that what is dead should stay dead. Besides, I'm not an archangel. Only they can resurrect cremated remains."

Dean nodded. He had figured that, but it had been worth a shot. "Okay, then, what do I need to do? Sign in blood? Make a deal? What?"

Castiel smiled. "Nothing, Dean. You need do nothing besides go claim what is yours."

"Wh-what do you mean, what is mine?"

"You are the New Cain. He was always the one supposed to be in charge. He shirked his responsibilities and walked away. The knights ran things until Abaddon went missing and Azazel took over as Lucifer's right hand man. After you killed him, Lilith decided to take over. Truthfully, the two of you Winchesters have kept the leadership role down here on a turntable for years now. Half the demons are just waiting to be one of your supporters."

"They are?"

Cas nodded. "A lot of them still believed Sam would find a way to become king. But once he began the trials and purified himself of demon blood, they assumed it would never come to pass. There was renewed excitement when you took The Mark because some of the old ones remembered Cain and remembered his rein."

"How do you know all of this?"

"I've learned it in the past few days. When Hannah made the suggestion, I needed to do some research."

"Have-have you told Sam?"

Cas shook his head. "I wanted to wait and see what you agreed to first." He paused, as if deciding what to say, when he added, "Truthfully, he is not taking this well."

"I can't see him, Cas. I can't…I can't be _this _and be the King of Hell and be his brother. Not anymore."

Cas nodded. "I know. I believe he has found someone to care for him."

"To care for him? What do you mean?"

"I have sent him to visit a friend of yours, someone that can care for him in your stead."

Dean's brows knit. "Who?"

"Your friend, Ryan Fawcett. She can care for him, can she not?"

Dean's mouth opened and closed a few times in surprise before he nodded. "I-I guess so. Look after him, how, exactly?"

"However he needs it. She is friends with your other friend, Sherriff Jody Mills, is she not? Are they not all friendly?"

"Yes, of course they are, but…"

"Sam is not in a very good mind place, Dean. I can't trust he will not do something stupid. As you have no other family, and I am quite concerned with the workings of heaven, I needed to ensure his safety. What is it you always said? 'Sammy's got to stay safe.' Wasn't that your mantra?"

He nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"So, she will keep Sam safe."

"How do you know?"

Cas opened his mouth to speak, and Dean had the feeling the angel wanted to say something, but changed his mind and went with, "I have faith that she will."

Dean eyed the angel. Why did he have the feeling Cas knew more than he was letting on? "That's not much good, Cas. Faith is a fickle thing."

"I will go to them now, then, if you wish. I will go and make sure of Sam's safety."

"Please. I…I know she'd take him in, but I wanna make sure…"

"Indeed. I promise this to you, Dean, I will help keep him safe."

"Good."

"Before I go…I realize it is petty of me, perhaps even prideful…"

Dean was curious. "But…?"

"Can I be there when you tell Crowley you are taking over?"

Dean laughed again and clasped Castiel on the back, "You got yourself a deal."

Castiel smiled and followed Dean out into the hall. "Oh, I almost forgot," Cas said as he pulled The First Blade out of his coat. "You might need this."

Dean held up both hands and backed away from the angel. "Cas, man, I can't…"

Castiel nodded. "You own this, Dean. You can control it once you practice with it enough."

Dean shook his head adamantly. "No. I can't, not yet, alright? Let me be a demon for a little while, let me be the king for a bit, then you can try it with me again, okay? Now that you're stronger…"

Cas sighed but nodded. "I will have it kept somewhere safe until you need it."

Dean smiled. "If I need it, I can call it to me."

Cas blinked. "Alright, well, that makes sense. Are you certain?"

Dean thought about when he killed Abaddon and nodded. "I'm almost certain."

Cas put the blade away and nodded. "Very well. Now, let us go talk to Crowley."

Dean smirked. He could almost hear giddiness in the angel's voice. They walked down the corridor getting strange looks from the demons they passed. "Think we're weird to be friends?"

"I do not believe it should matter that we are different species, Dean. You were human when I was angel. In fact, we were only ever the same species for a short period of time, and during that time, we were less friendly than we have ever been."

Dean winced. "I don't think I ever apologized for that…"

Cas held up a hand. "Say no more, Dean. There were…extenuating circumstances to everything that has happened in this past year, truthfully, since before even that. Nothing is easy and normalcy is just a pipe dream."

Dean chuckled. "You can say that again."

"Normalcy is just a pipe dream."

Dean stopped and looked at the angel.

"What?" Castiel asked.

Dean chuckled under his breath and shook his head as he resumed walking. "Nothing, man, absolutely nothing. Don't change, okay?"

"I do not believe further changes will be necessary in me, though, I do feel I will grow into this leadership role I've been thrust into as well as…"

"Cas, man, shut up."

Castiel opened his mouth and shut it with a snap. They walked along in silence for a few moments until they reached Crowley's door. Cas raised his hand to knock, but Dean just kicked the door in. "Honey, I'm home," Dean snarled.

Crowley glared at him. "Dean. Castiel. Good to see you fellows, but I am busy just now…"

Dean's eyebrow rose as he took in the lipstick prints all over Crowley's collar and the bimbo currently on the floor where she had obviously been dumped from Crowley's lap. "Take off, cupcake," he growled at the woman.

Her eyes flickered black but she cowered in fear as she slunk to the door and hurried out of it.

Crowley watched her go a moment before his eyes narrowed at Dean. "Surely you could have waited just a few more minutes, squirrel. I was rather enjoying myself."

"So I could see," Dean deadpanned. "But, see, Cas here just told me something interesting."

"And that is?"

Dean smiled as he walked around Crowley's desk and sat on the edge of it. "I'm stronger than you."

Crowley blinked. "And?"

"And, maybe, just maybe, I don't like being under you anymore, Crowley. See, I got this knight juice pumping through me, but I'm not like Abaddon, I'm not going to fight you for the crown."

"Good. Now, let's discuss what our plans are…"

"No, Crowley, you misunderstand. I'm not going to fight you. You're going to hand it over."

"Hand what over?"

"The crown. I'm the new king, Crowley."

"Listen here…" Crowley began, but Dean grabbed him by the throat and shoved him into the wall.

Dean's eyes flashed black. "You listen, you cocksucking son of a whore, I'm stronger than you, I'm better than you, and you really can't handle another fight." He grinned. "She was right about one thing, you're nothing but a glorified car salesman and a car salesman can never be more than a peon. I'M the head dick now, Crowley. Understand?"

Fear flashed through Crowley's eyes as Castiel held out The First Blade for Dean to take. Of course, Dean wouldn't take it. With all the hate for the bastard running through him in this moment, he'd probably kill the son of a bitch, and he didn't really need to do that. Crowley _was _good at his job, so Dean wanted to keep him, just in a diminished capacity.

Crowley nodded. "I-I understand," he stated fearfully. Dean released him and he rubbed his throat. "This isn't over, Dean."

Dean's smile grew. "Yes, it is, because you're a piss ant, Crowley. Didn't you hear? Everyone wants a Winchester to be in charge of Hell. And guess what? I'm here. Boom. Suck it."

The two men looked at one another for a long moment before Crowley bowed sarcastically. "This isn't over, Dean," he repeated.

Dean moved to sit in Crowley's chair and propped his feet up on Crowley's desk. "Yes, it is. Go out there and get shit done, Crowley. Let everyone know I'm the bastard with the crown. If anyone has a problem with it, tell them to feel free to drop by, have a chat."

Crowley growled and stormed out the door.

Castiel clasped his hands together. "That was quite enjoyable, Dean. Thank you."

Dean grinned. "My pleasure. Now, go check on Sammy, please?"

Castiel inclined his head. "I will go right now."

Dean blinked and the angel was gone. Dean sighed as he looked around the room. Yeah, this would work well enough. It wasn't like he needed it personalized or anything. He hit a button on a telephone and a sugary voice asked, "Yes, my king? How can I help you?"

He smirked. "The new king is in and he's horny."

Apparently it wasn't an odd comment, because she merely asked, "Would you like a blonde, brunette, or redhead, sir?"

His grin grew. Fuck yeah. It was good to be king.

* * *

Dean was still chucking as he remembered the look on Crowley's face, and the subsequent need to prove himself and his pitiful attempt to thwart Dean from taking over. Dean had called The First Blade to him in that instant. It had come soaring through to his hand from wherever Cas had hidden it. All he'd had to do was smite a few of Crowley's little henchmen and threaten Crowley with the blade to his throat. For all of Crowley's faults, he was predictable. Dean knew he wouldn't want to die for his cause, so he'd slunk back to take over the crossroads deals. No one else had come forward thus far to challenge him. In fact, everyone seemed to be praising his name. It was…unsettling in a way, but he was enjoying it. This newfound celebrity status was more than a little stimulating.

Now, he was a king with no knights. "Time to gather up a few trusty helpers," he mused softly as he slipped further into Hell. It had taken him almost a century of hell-time to get everything organized like he wanted it, and he couldn't take a break to simply make knights, especially when the souls he wanted as knights would need to be appropriated. He couldn't just pick some shmuck to be one of his most trusted allies. That much was for certain. No, he needed someone special. And one of those was in one of the deepest recesses of Hell. Dante was partially right; instead of circles of hell, there were layers. And the layer he needed to travel to was one of the deepest ones.

He could hear her screams from halfway down the hall. But, no, it wasn't screams of agony, it was screams of agitation. "Come on, you fucktwit! I've been tortured for _pleasure _harder than that! Is that the best you can do?!"

Dean chuckled to himself as he sidled up to the door and slipped inside. He tapped the torturer on the shoulder and said, "Take five."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Just a guy the new boss sent down. Seems as though he's got an interest in this one," Dean thumbed at the girl. "Go on. I'll deal with her."

The demon shrugged and walked out, not realizing who he was talking to.

Dean turned to the woman on the table. Her soul was in the form of a woman, the last one she had inhabited, actually. He wondered why she didn't change. As demons in Hell, you could have any shape you chose. It was when you were topside, you needed a meatsuit. "Hiya, Meg, how's tricks?"

"Well, Dean Winchester, as I don't live and breathe. How the hell are you? Come to bust me out?"

Dean shrugged. "Yes and no. Got a proposition for you."

Her eyebrow rose. "Is that a fact? And what is that?"

He flicked his eyes to black and smiled. "Care to play on my team?"

She blinked. "What the fuck has been going on topside while I've been down here?!"

He smirked. "It's a long, sordid tale, Meg. Here's the abridged version; Sam almost died trying to lock this place up, I let him get possessed by an angel, who turned around, killed the prophet, I took the Mark of Cain, Metatron killed me, I became a demon. Cas is now on a panel of angels ruling heaven, and I'm the new king of Hell."

She just looked at him a minute before she burst out laughing. "Been a bit busy, have we?"

He shrugged again. "Eh, well, it's a job. So…what 'ya say? Wanna be one of my knights?"

She eyed him warily. "What does that mean for me, exactly?"

"First off, you get to keep a meatsuit, even downstairs, if you choose to. Second, you get some nifty powers that come along with knighthood, and third, you work directly with me in the job I choose for you."

"I'm waiting for the catch in all this."

He shook his head. "No catch. But I'm not sending demons topside to fuck up shit. If one gets out, I'm giving hunters up there the right to send their demon asses right back down here. Crossroads deals will still be made, though, I can't avoid them. Shit happens."

"So…what will my job title be?"

He grinned. "Well, you _did _apprentice under Alistair, didn't you?"

She smirked. "Yeah. And?"

"Think you'd like to be Mistress of Torture?"

"Hell yeah."

He nodded and snapped his fingers. All of her chains fell away. He walked a step closer and grasped her wrist, healing her with his power and marking her as a knight of hell. "Done. Now, I do have one more thing I would like for you to do."

"Name it."

"I'd like for you to take breaks from your torture from time to time to check in on Sam. He knows you, and…"

Meg stood from the table and rubbed her wrists. "Haven't you seen him? How did he take it? What's going on?"

He shook his head. He hadn't even considered it, and now, Cas had stopped asking him. It had almost been a year on earth since he died. He couldn't just pop back up now. He wanted to see his brother, some of his human emotions plagued him, but he knew this was for the best. "I haven't seen him. It's better this way. You go check on him in a few months, alright? He's still…adjusting. Cas is keeping an eye on him, too."

She smiled. "Still looking after him, huh? You sure you're a demon, Dean?"

His eyes flickered black in irritation. "Don't fuck with me, Meg. I'm stronger than you, don't forget it. You can't push my buttons. It will only end bad for you."

She shrugged. "Can't be much worse than what I've had before, Dean."

His eyes narrowed warily. "You aren't the only one that apprenticed under Alistair," he threatened. "Don't make me regret this," he muttered.

She held up both hands. "Trust me, I won't. I kinda like you, Dean."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, save it for someone who gives a shit, Meg. I don't know how the hell you ended up my 'friend' down here. You did everything you could to get me killed when I was younger."

"You've got to put the past, behind you."

He glared at her a moment, but he couldn't quite help the grin. "I know you didn't just quote "The Lion King" to me."

She laughed. "Hakuna Matata, baby."

* * *

Now that he had Meg in his pocket, so to speak, he traveled down to the human soul torture level. Here, it got a bit sticky. He was still uncomfortable down there. Too many of the souls on those racks were ones he, himself, had tortured under Alistair's reign. He hated seeing them, but there was one in particular he hated to see…the one that he would need forgiveness from before he could proceed.

He stood a bit taller as he walked into her room. "Leave us," he growled at the torturer, and the young demon knew well enough to be frightened of the beast that had walked in wearing Dean Winchester's skin.

The woman looked over at him with almost a bored expression upon her face. "Oh, do be a dear and leave me the hell alone. The psychological torture has long since quit working on me. No one is coming to rescue me. I'm a demon now, thank you very much, so just bugger off and leave me the hell alone."

Dean winced as he looked at what used to be Bela Talbot. He remembered only too well Alistair giving her to him to torture. He had gotten satisfaction from it, making her pay for all the ways she'd fucked him and Sam over. Sure, he'd made her enjoy it, on occasion, but then he would torture her some more. It was the sickest form of S &amp; M he had ever participated in. The sad thing was, they'd both taken pleasure in it.

"Bela," he stated softly.

She eyed him warily. "Dean? Is it really you? Or are you a new form of torture?"

He shrugged. "No. I'm me, and I'm not a new form of torture." He flicked his eyes black. "I'm a demon, too. And guess what? Now _I _run the show."

"Is that a fact? Well, good for you. What do you want me to do about it? Give you a medal?"

He chuckled. "No. I, uh, I wanted to come and offer you a job."

"Is that a fact? And why should I accept?"

"Because, you deserve to."

"Damn right I do," she muttered. "But that didn't answer my question."

He paused and blew out a breath. "I remember feeling bad for torturing you, Bela, but then I remember how much we enjoyed torturing souls together, the depraved shit we did down here, the sex and blood and…so, no, I felt bad about it, but not that bad."

She chuckled flatly. "Well that's simply for you, Dean. I'm glad to see you've absolved yourself of your sins. So, where does that leave me?"

"With the job offer."

"What would this entail? I'll not be your little bitch, Dean."

He snorted. "Nor would I want you to be. No, you'll be a knight. I wondered if you would like to be in charge of our inflow."

"A glorified secretary? Is that all I am?"

"No, of course not. Consider it the position of CFO. If souls were money, you'd be the one in charge of receiving. How does that sound?"

"Marginally better."

He snapped his fingers and her bindings gave way. "Give it a thought."

She stepped down from the cage-like table she had been bound to and sauntered to him. She ran a hand up his arm. "And if I asked for anything else while I was working for you?"

He grinned. "Well, I can't sue anyone for sexual harassment, Bela."

She laughed throatily. "Is that a 'yes', Dean?"

"It's a 'maybe'," he told her with an air of warning in his voice. "I've got better things to do than spend all my time screwing around with you."

"Oh, but it could be a perk to entice me to the job."

His mouth set. "I'm not negotiating, Bela. Take it or leave it."

Her eyes narrowed. "Of course I'll take it, you imbecile. I was just hoping for…"

He grasped her wrist as it began a slow descent down his body. "I know what you were hoping for, Bela. And trust me, it's on the agenda. But right now, I've got shit to deal with."

"Very well. Consider it done."

He nodded. "Good." He grasped her wrist tighter as he healed her and marked her as a knight. "Go find Meg, she's my other knight. We'll have a meeting once the two you have become acquainted."

"Dean, why me?" she wanted to know.

It was a shitty way of apologizing for not caring enough to try harder to save her, but it was the best he could do. So, he grinned. "Who else, Bela?"

And with that, he was gone.

* * *

Time in hell flew a lot faster when you weren't the one on the rack, Dean quickly found out, and it was decades of hell time later, Dean found himself blowing out a breath as he glared at Crowley. "I don't give two shakes of a rat's ass, Crowley. You either accept my terms or I find another salesman for the job."

"Damn it, Dean, how am I supposed to work with this? You're limiting my number of deals now? _And _you're adding an age limit?"

Dean looked at him with a bored expression. The age limit thing had been Bela's idea. After all, it wasn't everyone that took a crossroads deal as a child. Granted, he totally got it, and in her position, he probably would have done the same thing, but still, he wanted to respect her wishes. "Eighteen years old, Crowley. No younger."

"What are we supposed to do? Look at their fucking driver's license, Dean?"

Dean blinked and remained silent.

"Fuck. Bollocks. Fucking wanker…" Crowley muttered as he walked out of Dean's office, slamming the door shut in his wake.

Dean grinned. _Ahhh, I love pissing him off first thing in the morning. Almost makes Hell worth living in…_He chuckled under his breath. He was feeling good today. His life wasn't normal, or _good, _particularly, but it was nice being in charge.

"Can I help you with anything else, your highness?" he heard from the door to the bedroom.

He shook his head and winked at the buxom blonde. "Nah, take off, Cherry. I've got a busy day."

She pouted overly injected lips, apparently her meatsuit was the Hollywood type, but sauntered over to him. She smelled like sex, cheap booze, and daddy issues. Three of his favorite flavors. "Call me, sugar," she purred.

He pulled her down for a kiss. "Absolutely." He watched her walk out and rolled his eyes. Who knew demon chicks were so eager to bang the head honcho?

Another knock sounded on his door and he yelled out a quick "Come in!" before his head bent down to look at the statistics. Crowley may have been a douche, but the guy had an eye for business. He'd had Hell running quite efficiently before he'd been usurped by Abaddon. Dean had been trying to straighten out things for an eternity it seemed, down here. He was exhausted.

"God, it smells like sex in here. Perhaps you should fumigate," Bela stated in her dry tone as she perched on the chair across from Dean. "You didn't do her on _this_ chair, did you?"

Dean smirked. "Nah, we used the couch."

Bela shivered and her nose scrunched in distaste. "Must you bang every demon whore that wants a piece of your cock?"

His eyebrow rose. "Are you pissed because I ain't doing you, sweetcheeks?" He had decided to keep his two knights off limits. Meg didn't have a problem with it. She had other irons in the fire. Dean wasn't one hundred percent certain it _wasn't _Castiel, but he didn't ask. She had come back from earth a time or two smelling particularly sweet, so she was either banging the angel, or she had her hands on a baker. That was, however, not his business, but Meg's. Bela, however, hadn't appreciated the rule he'd adamantly enforced.

She shot him a look. "Hardly. Do you know how many demons want a piece of this lovely arse?"

He looked her up and down. She had kept her original meatsuit. He, personally, had gone with her to retrieve it and give it an overhaul since it had been rotting in a casket for a few years. Meg had gone and found hers as well. He'd wondered why they were attached to them, but figured it was just something about the individual. He, himself, couldn't smoke out. It was the only thing he wasn't able to do. It didn't matter to him, though, he found the whole process to be a bit rapey. Seeing other people wearing demons had taught him that one. Of course, Bela, as well as Meg's meatsuits were vacant and rotting, so he hadn't minded them wearing them so much.

"Are you going to stare at me all afternoon?" Bela bit out.

His eyebrow rose. "You're in a chipper mood today, Bela. What's new?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired of dealing with incompetent arseholes."

He shrugged. "Send them to Meg to be tortured. They'll straighten up."

"It would be easier if we could give them something they wanted."

"We are in Hell, doll. I'm pretty sure the description doesn't lead to giving them what they want. They can piss and moan all they want. We're doing things my way. Period. End of story."

She blew out a breath. "Fine. I wanted to ask if you've given any thought to the new rules I've decreed."

He nodded. "I have. I agree to all of them except one. If someone comes down here based on a crossroads deal, I demand you look over their list of crimes. I don't want them tortured as severely as the others if they aren't due it. The punishment needs to fit the crime, if you catch my drift. Put them in the waiting room Crowley built. That's torture enough."

"But, Dean…"

"It's decided," he ground out. Running Hell was most definitely a dictatorship. If you gave anyone an inch, they stomped their nasty boots all over you. He was king for a damn reason.

She stood abruptly. "Very well."

"Bela," his voice was so soft, she looked at him in surprise. "Look, I know you didn't get a fair shake. Can't you see, I'm just trying to do better by everyone else?"

"Human emotions will not get you anywhere down here, Dean. Haven't you learned that?"

But, he _did_ have human emotions, at least, the memories of them. It made him as different from the rest as his powers did. "I'm not like you or the others, Bela. You know that."

Her face softened. "I know, Dean. It's one of the things I tolerate about you the most."

He chuckled. "I knew you loved me, B. Now get out there and do your work."

* * *

Time was funny. It trickled away from you in a blink of an eye, even down in Hell, where Dean was now getting quite comfortable as the ruler. He hadn't been keeping up with the time, but he believed he had been ruler for about a year of earth's time. Maybe it was more, maybe it was less, he wasn't sure. He hadn't popped topside in a while. There was so much work to do, he had to fight to find time to visit with Cas, which he did, on occasion.

He heard a sharp rap at the door and looked up from the report Crowley had given him with a grin. Limey little shit _still_ wasn't thrilled to be demoted, but when you've got more juice than him, well, Abaddon didn't have anything on Dean's powers, and Crowley was, after all, little more than a coward.

Meg walked in with a grin. "Hey, Deano."

He rolled his eyes but smiled. He had made a wise choice in choosing Meg as one of his Knights. He liked the little broad. "What's up?" he asked.

She shrugged and plopped down in the chair across from him. "Not much. I went topside and checked on Sam, just like you asked."

That had been forever ago, it seemed, in hell-time, anyway, but he knew she had been quite busy. She'd had to set up her dominance in the torture chambers. It had been…interesting, watching her work. He knew, if she had dealt with him on the racks, he would have broken a hell of a lot faster than the thirty years it took Alistair to break him. She was the most sadistic bitch he'd ever come across. It was awesome to watch. "How did it go?"

She shrugged again. "He was less than thrilled to see me for some reason, but he says hello." She paused and when he went back to his paperwork, she asked, "Who's the sweet little homeslice he's shacking up with?"

Dean's head popped up quickly. "What?"

"Dean, where have you been?"

"In Hell," he deadpanned. "What do you mean, he's shacking up with someone?" He had just sent her to check in with his brother. This was a new development. The last he had heard, Cas had sent him up to South Dakota to visit Ryan and Jody for a few days. God, he hadn't hooked up with Jody, had he? Not that the sheriff wasn't nice and all, but, she was older than them. Wasn't she? Odd, now that he thought about it, he didn't know how old Jody was. She was just so motherly, it felt like she was older than them. It was possible she was the same age as he would have been.

She shrugged again. "Some hunter chick, I guess. Sam introduced us, though, so she didn't feel the need to ice me with that handy little knife you boys play with, not that it would kill me anyway, so that was something."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, confused. Sam had moved in with someone? Why hadn't Cas thought to tell him? Of course, Dean had been busy down here, but still, he figured it would have made news. He saw Cas often enough. It seemed as though Heaven wanted a more active role in how Hell was running, which, hey, if he dealt with Cas, it wasn't so bad. He didn't mind sending them reports. It gave him a chance to act normal for a few hours at least as he and Cas discussed otherworldly events.

"Sam. Is shacked up. With some babe. Honestly, if I were into chicks, I'd do her. She's gorgeous. Got a couple of kids, too, which is weird, but like I said…hunter. Huntress? What do they like to be called?"

Dean had a sense of foreboding settling somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach. "What was her name?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"How many kids?"

"Two, no, three. Two little guys, cute little shits, if you like kids, older girl who let me tell you, looked like she could fuck me up if I let her."

"Names," he repeated angrily. It couldn't be _her _could it? He could see the fear in Meg's eyes. Good. Damn demon needed to start giving him some fucking information.

"The woman had a guy's name. Riley? Ripley? Reagan?"

"Ryan?" Dean asked softly.

"Yeah! That's it. She seemed like someone you wouldn't want to mess with despite having a kid on her hip. Couldn't help but notice Sam was letting her carry the demon knife on her side. Looked like Mama Rambo. Man, was she hot. Like I said, I stick to guys, but I'd play for the other side if you'd let me have some time off and she didn't freak at the thought of being alone with me. I kinda got the impression she didn't like demons…"

Dean didn't hear another word as he closed his eyes and imagined himself outside Ryan's house. He heard sounds coming from the back yard and when he walked around the house, he could see a family playing in the yard, a family that wasn't Ryan or her kids. _Where are they?! _he thought bitterly before he winked away to the bunker. He hadn't been back there since he'd gone to Hell with Crowley after waking up dead.

"They aren't here at the bunker, Dean," Meg said fearfully on a whisper as she appeared next to him. "They've got a house in town."

"Show me," he demanded roughly and she grasped his arm, pulling him to the location through their form of transportation.

The house was a two story number, big and sprawling, secure enough because he could feel the wardings around it. They wouldn't keep him out, nor his two knights, but any other demon couldn't break through. And if Sam were living here, none of the lesser demons would mess with Sammy because they knew how badly Dean would fuck them up if they tried. Granted, there were some who wished to usurp him from the throne, but they would never go after Sam. That was asking for a death worse than even demons could imagine.

Dean's hearing was sharp and he heard the sounds of the television playing some cartoon, he could hear Hope humming from one of the upstairs bedrooms, and could hear…his dead heart clenched as he heard Sam and Ryan in the kitchen. He moved to the back of the house and could see them through the sliding glass door.

"So," Ryan was saying, "I got the stain out of your white dress shirt."

"You're a miracle worker, Ry."

She let out a snort. "Well, I can't have my subordinate federal agent looking like a slob, now can I? However, next time you want a salad with French dressing, wear a damn bib, Sammy."

He shot her the bitch face and looked back at the tablet in his hand. "So, get this…I don't think that Wendigo in Wichita is a Wendigo."

She let out a grunt as she stood on tiptoe just inside the small pantry door. "Well, what the fuck is it? Damn it. Hey, Samsquatch, come help me!" Ryan called as she tried to reach something.

Sam chuckled and stood from where he was sitting at the kitchen table to stretch around her, brushing up against her intimately to reach something from the top shelf of the pantry. "Here, Shorty."

She stuck her tongue out at him and he grinned. "You love me."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, I'm actually fairly tall for a woman, Sam. It isn't my fault you're a giant. Next time you put away the groceries, put them where I can reach them."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He paused and grinned. "You know, it seems as though your two little guys will be taller than you. Hope's already on her way."

Her face softened. "I think so, too. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to be the shortest one of all of you."

"Eh, well, it could always be worse."

She turned then to the stove to stir something and asked, "So, if the Wendigo in Wichita isn't a Wendigo, what is it?"

"I don't know. All my research leads me to believe it's a hoax."

"You want to take Hope out on a little field trip? Let her stretch her legs?"

His tone held nothing but surprise. "You want me to take her?"

She smiled tenderly. "Sam, I trust you implicitly, you know this. I trust you with my life, her life, the boy's lives. Of course she can go with you."

"It could be a shifter," he warned.

She nodded. "I know. But I've let her stay too safe. She needs experience. She's a teenager now, or almost, in any case, older than you were when you first started hunting. She's better trained than either of us was when we started. Anything I lacked in her training, you've made up for in the past few months. If it's a shifter, let's let her see if she can handle it." She paused. "As long as you can protect her."

"You know I can," he stated gently. "I love those kids more than my own life, Ryan. You know I do."

She nodded. "Alright. Let's let her spread her wings."

He snorted in what Dean figured was an inside joke and said, "She'll be thrilled as all hell, you know that, right?"

She walked over to him and laid a hand on his arm in a way that didn't seem remotely innocent to Dean. "We love you, Sam. All of us. You're the best thing that's happened to me and the kids in a long time."

Dean felt rage like he hadn't felt since before The Mark had turned him into a demon. "Meg," he managed and she grasped his arm, forcing him back, driving him back to hell where he let that rage go in a grand display of destroying anything and everything in his path…the souls on the racks were never tortured worse than they were that day.

* * *

**AN2: PLEASE reserve hate until you know the whole story. Trust me, everything makes sense eventually. And right now, you're ONLY seeing Dean's side of things. Bear that in mind before you break out the pitchforks, kay? **

**Love you all! See you next week! **


	8. The River and The Highway

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supernatural. Still really wish I did...**

**AN: Hey! So...I lost a follower last week. LOL. Still not getting any more reviews. Such is life. I guess I'm writing for me and my one lovely reviewer. But I'm still posting. Hope those of you lurkers out there are enjoying it! More notes at the bottom...**

**TRIGGERS: Mentions of rape, LOTS of torture later down, and...I think that's it for now. Next chapter will have more warnings. **

* * *

He hadn't processed the fact Sam was shacked up with Ryan very well and he was still pissed over it months later in earth time as he made his way north for his meeting with Castiel…

"Cas, man, how's tricks?" Dean greeted the angel as he slid into the booth for their quarterly meeting. They had taken to meeting every few months to discuss peace. Really, it was a chance for Dean to come topside and visit with his friend and pretend to be normal for a few hours. Occasionally it worked, usually, though it just made him realize how different he really was now from who he used to be.

The two had become well known in the small diner. They always met there. The accountant ordered coffee he didn't drink, and the mechanic ordered coffee and the pie special of the day. All the waitresses knew, and they didn't question it since the mechanic always left really good tips and the two never caused trouble.

Dean smiled at the waitress as she sat down a piece of blueberry pie and his coffee. Since becoming a demon, food didn't quite taste the same and he didn't actually have a craving for anything, nor need to eat, for that matter, but he liked to keep up appearances. And, hell, Hope had been right. Sometimes you just needed pie.

Castiel looked at him oddly. "Everything is fine, Dean. How are the souls in hell?"

"Dead," Dean deadpanned as he lifted the fork to his mouth. "Great pie today, ladies!" he called. He turned back to Cas. "Tortured," he continued. "Making Meg the Mistress of Tortures was the best damn idea I've ever had. She loves it, really gets off on other people's pain. She's an awesome sadist. Wish I had known her as a human. Bet she would have really enjoyed bondage and shit."

Castiel cleared his throat and remained silent.

"You know, she's still got a 'thang' for you, Cas."

Cas just looked at him and Dean smiled. He was still waiting for conformation the two had been cavorting but he wouldn't tease them about it until he had proof. "Well, just thought I'd throw it out there. Hey, a demon and an angel? Just call the relationship 'holy hell' and be done with it."

"Dean, are we going to discuss business, or are you still attempting to get me laid?"

Dean laughed out loud. Yeah, he still liked the guy. He was awesome, even if they were farther apart than they'd ever been. And clearly someone had been talking to the angel, because he sounded a bit less stuffy than usual. That was…good, he guessed. Which led him to the real reason for wanting to meet up so soon after their last meeting; "So, speaking of sex…heard Sam was shacking up with Ryan permanently now?"

Castiel blinked. "Ah, yes, Ryan Fawcett and her children. They are amazing, really."

"Yeah, she is," Dean stated offhandedly. "Heard her cousin had another one. Can't believe she saddled her with a third kid."

Cas looked confused, so Dean went on. "I mean, really, can't the dumb bitch keep her legs closed or what? What the fuck is she? A damn brood mare putting it out there for the stud horse? Is she like a dog in heat or something?"

Castiel cleared his throat again. "Dean, I'm not really comfortable talking about this…"

Dean shrugged. "What's the big deal, Cas? Okay, so, Sam's got my sloppy seconds. Good for him. Little weird, but, hey, he's always been weird. At least she's not a demon or a werewolf. She's still human, isn't she?"

Cas' brow's knit. "Yes, Ryan is…human."

Dean nodded. "Good. So, I guess I'm happy for him. I mean, he's got a family. Guess he's like, a _dad _and shit now, huh?"

Cas' was starting to look constipated. He looked so uncomfortable and confused. "Dean…"

Dean held up a hand. "Say no more. It's none of my business. Hey, I'm the thing she's terrified of." It bothered him how _much _it bothered him to realize that, as well. "Just, uh, just let her and Sammy both know I'm happy for them, okay? And, uh, let her know I swear safety for her and the kids. No demon will make a deal with them or touch them. Forget the fact Sam's living with them. I mean, hell, he's not the best with relationships, so, even if they break up or something, I will still keep her safe." It was the best he could do. He had the power now. No other demons would fuck with her. He'd make sure everyone knew she was off limits. She'd seen and done enough shit with demons before. She didn't need any more.

"Dean, I never thought otherwise."

"Good."

They were both silent for a few moments. "So, uh…"

Castiel looked at him, his bright blue eyes burning with questions, his head cocked to the side like a damn golden retriever. "Yes?"

Dean blinked and shook his head. He didn't need to ask anymore damn question about Ryan. What difference did it matter to him now? None. Nope, her life wasn't his business. It never was, never would be. "Nothing. How are things on earth? Monsters bad? Anything out of the ordinary since I'm keeping things locked up downstairs?"

Cas shook his head. "No, things seem to be going quite well. Earth has monsters, yes, but nothing Sam and their hunters can't take care of."

"Their hunters?"

Cas nodded. "Sam has taken a more leadership role in the Men of Letters, as has Ryan. Truthfully, Sam is hunting less and less as he's become the authority figure in the occult."

"Sammy's the new Bobby?" Dean smiled at that. If anyone should be, it should be Sam. He never wanted to be a hunter. This…this was probably the best Sam was going to get.

"Yes. If Sam _does _go hunting, usually he takes Ryan or Hope with him."

"Hope's old enough to hunt?"

"Indeed. As a matter of fact, Ryan took Hope on her first hunt a few months ago. They're gone now while Sam looks after the boys." The angel smiled. "I have to admit, seeing your brother with the two little ones is quite humorous. From what I hear, his first diaper changing experience was interesting."

Dean smiled despite himself. Sam always wanted a normal life. It was good; the kid seemed to be finally getting that very thing. "That's cool. How old are the kids now?"

"Bobby is almost four and Jon is almost two years old."

"John?" _Did_ _Sam insist the kid be named after our dad?_

"Jonathan," Cas corrected. "Though, we usually call him Jon."

"Did Ryan name him, too? I mean, she named Bobby." He wasn't sure why he wanted to know, but he was still fascinated by the woman. She was an enigma he would never manage to solve. Maybe that was why he still had a desire for her when he didn't for other human women. He stuck to demon chicks now simply because they were sturdier and they were a means to an end. He didn't have an emotional attachment to them. He just fucked them and sent them on their merry little ways.

"Technically, Hope named Bobby," Castiel amended, "But, yes, Ryan named him. She asked Sam if he wanted to, but he declined the offer."

Dean blinked in surprise. _Sam's been with her, with her, this whole time? _He wanted to ask more, but he couldn't. Not now. It was hurting him in a way he hadn't realized his dead, unfeeling heart could hurt. "Cool. So, Ryan's hunting? Even with the kids?"

"Hope is of the age to hunt," he said simply, as if that made it all okay. "Ryan had wanted to wait until Jonathan turned a year old, but Sam insisted she needed to go out and kill something before she killed one of them."

Dean chuckled. That sounded like Sam. And Ryan, actually. She was a force to be reckoned with, he knew from personal experience. "Sounds like a good idea."

Castiel nodded. "She is one of the most lethal women I have come upon. I am quite glad she was indisposed at the time…if she had been hunting angels with you and Sam, she would have wiped out our whole species. As it is, you do not want to mess with her. We are having angels train with them now so they know how to handle a rogue attack. It's…fascinating, truly." He paused and smiled. "She was quite ready for the hunt as well. She had not had the opportunity to hunt in a while. She is rectifying that situation now."

"Well…good for her."

Cas nodded. "They also have taken in a young woman, another hunter. Sam said you knew her. Krissy Chambers?"

Dean smiled as he thought of the little spitfire. "Yeah, I know her. How did they wind up with her?"

"Sam found her injured on a hunt a few months ago. She called one of your old telephone numbers. He brought her back home and Ryan has taken her in, I suppose."

"She loves taking in strays, doesn't she?"

Castiel smiled. "Indeed. Quite a few now, I suppose. Luckily her house is so big. She has two other…for lack of a better word, foster children in her care as well. She's a good woman. She has been through so much. It is no wonder heaven has taken a liking to her. She will be richly rewarded for her good deeds on earth."

"That's…nice." _What do you say to follow that up?_

Cas glanced at the clock on the wall. "I am sorry, Dean, I need to go. Hannah has a meeting scheduled I can't be late for."

"Sure, Cas. Thanks, man, for everything."

"Sam misses you," Cas stated as he stood. "He would love to see you."

"Yeah, no, I don't think that would be good," Dean told him as he, too, stood, and threw some money on the table.

They walked out of the café together. Cas stopped him with a hand on his arm. "He has forgiven you for what you said in the warehouse. He knows that wasn't you, reacting that way."

"Cas, man…" He couldn't. He had made his decision. He would stay out of Sam's life permanently. It wouldn't do for him to be near his brother. He would _not _be the reason Sam strayed back to the evil side of things. He would _not _be the reason his brother fell off the demon juice wagon.

"Just think about it, Dean. You know the two of you don't do well separate."

"We couldn't be more separate if we tried. I don't want what I am to influence him into doing something wrong, Cas."

"You are a demon, Dean, but that is not the only thing you are." Cas paused. "Think about it."

He turned and in a flutter of wings, he was gone.

_I'm a demon, isn't that the only thing? _Dean frowned and focused his energy, returning to hell.

When he got back downstairs, he felt listless. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. He wasn't sure why he felt that way, but he did. He was…melancholy.

"Heya, boss. What's the matter with you?" Meg inquired when he walked down the torture corridor.

He shrugged.

She smirked. "Say…I know you aren't, like, quite as evil as I am…"

His eyes narrowed and he growled under his breath.

She smiled. "_Buuuuut _I wonder if maybe you just need to get in touch with your evil side a little bit."

His eyebrow rose. "What do you mean?"

She smiled. "I got you a present."

He eyed her warily. "What?"

She grasped his hand. "Come with me, I'll show you."

He rolled his eyes and half smirked as he followed her into the room. There were three demons strung up along the walls. "What do you want me to do with them?"

She grinned. "Happy un-birthday, Dean."

He blinked. "Meg, I'm dead. I don't celebrate birthdays anymore."

She rolled her eyes. "Hence the 'un' at the beginning. Come on. I got these three strung up just for your entertainment."

"And why would I want these three?"

She leaned in a little closer and he did, too, as she lowered her voice. "Look, boss, a little birdy told me I needed to look for the one in the middle, the leader, then I found his two henchmen. The birdy told me to tell you to fuck them up."

"Why should I? Who are they?"

"Well, the two minions are Bob and Dan, but the one in the middle, the ringleader, his name is Raeburn."

Dean's eyes flashed black. "What?"

She smiled. "I heard you had a beef with him, or rather, that a friend of yours did."

He grasped Meg's throat and pushed her into the wall. She winced, but held her own as she stared defiantly at him.

"Who? Who told you?"

"Sam," she gasped.

He let her go as if she'd burned him. "Ryan told _Sam_?"

She blinked. "What?"

He wasn't sure why he felt so betrayed. She'd never told anyone about that, not all of it, anyway, about what those demons did to her that night, what its name was. But now she was opening up to _Sam _about it? _Well, they're together, aren't they, Dean_?

"Dean, Sam said Jody told him you had a beef with the guy. Said he'd hurt someone you know. He didn't give me any more information than that."

Dean's eyes blinked back to their usual green. "Jody told him?" He wasn't sure why that made it better, that Ryan had confided in Jody instead of Sam. Of course she would tell her best friend.

"Dean, is this…is it not okay?"

He smirked. "It's fine. This is a great gift, Meg. I will enjoy this immensely."

He looked at the two minions on either side of Raeburn. "I want to take care of them first, make him watch, make him anticipate what's coming."

She giggled and clapped her hands like a child. "Can I watch? Please?"

He grinned as his eyes flashed black once more and he picked up a knife. "With pleasure."

* * *

He spent ten years working on the first demon. If anyone needed anything from the king of hell, they had to ask Meg or Bela, as they were the only two allowed to interrupt him. The day the little shit broke, all of his information came gushing from him.

"Alright!" the demon screamed as Dean sliced into him with the knife dipped in holy water. "I'll talk!"

Dean smiled, stepped back, crossed his arms and waited. "Okay, Bob, speak."

The demon licked his lips and panted. "O-okay, so, we were sent as part of a hit squad."

"Shut up!" Dan growled from across the way but Dean's eyes narrowed and he rendered the other demon mute.

"No, Bob is talking now. When it's your turn, don't worry, I'll get other truths from you." He turned back to Bob. "Go on."

"That's all I know! We were part of a hit squad. Raeburn said it was easy work, said we could have some fun. Me an' Rae an' Dan like little girls…"

Dean's face turned into a disgusted sneer. "Is that a fact?" His eyes narrowed. "Well, you know what? I like little bitches, and hey, what do you know? I'm staring at one right now."

The demon cowered against his restraints. "N-No! No more! I…I don't know anything else!"

"You know what you did to those little girls. You know what you did to Ryan."

"Who?"

"The last little girl you raped, you bastard."

"Man, she was just a number! She won't nothing special!

Dean's eyes flashed. "Oh, that was the wrong thing to say…" he growled as he attacked once more.

Once he finished, the demon was in a weeping puddle. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"Dean," Meg called his name softly.

Dean looked up at her and she laid a hand on his arm.

"I think you're done."

He smiled evilly. "I'm just getting started." But he stepped back. "Talk _more_."

The demon nodded. "We were supposed to kill the family. The woman, she was friends with Mary Winchester. Azazel said all her friends had to die. We were supposed to kill them all. We decided to have some…fun along the way. We were doing good, but we got caught. That damn Bobby Singer caught me and exorcized me. I got down here, Azazel tortured me. Now you're torturing me. That's all, I swear!"

Dean believed him. After what he'd just done to the creature, what he had _been _doing to him, he had to believe him. Why would he lie after all of that? "Take him to the lowest levels," he ordered a new demon that had come in to speak to Meg.

"Boss, you're late for your meeting with Cas…" Meg began.

"Cancel it," Dean growled as he walked over to Dan. "This is going to take a while."

The demon's face was a mask of fear as Dean smiled. "What do you say, Dan? Do you think I can break you faster?"

"What do you want me to tell Cas?" Meg asked.

Dean glowered at her. "Tell him I'm fucking busy. I'll be with him eventually."

Meg opened her mouth to speak, but just shook her head. "Okay, Dean."

The second demon, he spent twenty years with. He cracked quicker, but Dean was enjoying himself too much to stop. Finally, when the demon was beaten down about as far as he could go, Dean stepped back. "Talk," he demanded.

"There was a prophecy!"

Dean's brows furrowed. "A prophecy about what?"

"N-Not what, who. The bitch we did last. Ryan Fawcett."

"What about her?"

The demon panted in pain. "A-Azazel said there was a prophecy about her."

Dean sliced him across his chest. "What did it say?"

"I, uh, I don't know word for word! Something about her being the mother of the one true king of hell!"

Dean almost stumbled back. "What?"

The demon nodded emphatically. "Yeah. That, in addition to being the daughter of Mary Winchester's friend, left her with a mark on her head from all of hell itself. She was supposed to be killed so it didn't screw with Azazel's plans for a king to be made with his blood."

"What difference does that make?"

"If a king is born, it can't be usurped. The children Azazel was creating would never be that strong."

"The cambion, the half human/half demon, the kid, Jesse, is that why Lilith wanted him so bad?"

The demon shook his head. "He still wouldn't be as strong as the one true king. He was to be a knight of hell, if we found him and could convince Cain to mark him."

"One true king? Ryan? Why her?"

"I don't know!" the demon wailed. "But with that prophecy and the fact she was Mary Winchester's friend's daughter, of course, she was to be tortured and killed. It was a direct order, one we disobeyed. I was tortured by Alistair on Azazel's commands for disobeying it. I let her live and was exorcized by John Winchester that night."

Dean was still reeling from these revelations. Of course, if Ryan couldn't have kids, she couldn't produce the true king of hell. So, in a way, these monsters had done exactly what they'd set out to do, hadn't they? "Take him away to join his friend," Dean stated coldly. He would have to see if Raeburn knew anything more about this so-called prophecy, or if the last one was just blowing smoke. But first…time for some fun.

Dean smiled coldly as he sidled up to Raeburn, slipping on the glove as he did so. "Heard you like to fuck little girls, you sick bastard."

Raeburn eyed him coolly. "Heard you like my sloppy seconds, my king."

Dean slapped his face with the special glove he was wearing. It had razor blades on it, so the slap cut the demon's face almost into ribbons. "You think you're being funny, but what you're really doing, is just pissing me the fuck off."

"Oh, Dean, Dean, Dean, you were so very cute when you were a boy. You had no idea what you would become, did you? You had no idea you would become the thing you most despise. And now, look at you. Torturing souls for pleasure."

Dean smiled. "Oh, I'm getting pleasure out of it. Too much pleasure. I'm going to enjoy fucking you up so bad, you won't be able to wisp around for a century. Of earth time."

"Promises, promises," the demon taunted.

Dean's eyes narrowed and he began to work.

* * *

Decades later, Dean took a deep breath as he walked out of the room. "Dean? You okay?"

He glanced at Meg, and Bela, as she walked up also, and nodded. "I'm great, Meg." He hadn't broken Raeburn, not exactly. Not that it mattered, the guy was worthy of the torture. He refused to break, no matter what Dean did to him. Dean did manage to find out he was just a flunky for Azazel, but Dean had the feeling that was just because Raeburn wanted to talk. It made him angry, how he talked about Ryan, and Dean could have sworn the demon got off on Dean's torturing of him.

When Raeburn _did_ talk about Ryan, it was about the prophecy. And it was one hell of a doozy. Words like "mother of true evil" and "Goddess of heaven and hell" sounded a bit ominous to Dean. Luckily none of it seemed to be true, at least, not now. Ryan couldn't have kids, so, she couldn't produce the true heir of hell, then, could she? Because if she had, Dean would be forced to kill it. He couldn't let a monster rule hell. He had to protect the delicate balance he and Cas had set up. However, it would be a good idea to checking into.

Of course, talking, telling Dean what he wanted to know, didn't give Raeburn a pass. No, this was the demon that destroyed Ryan. For that alone, he would pay for eternity. "I want him kept on the rack for me. Move him to a special room."

"A…special room?"

Dean's grin was slightly sadistic. "Yeah. I'm going to fuck with him a little bit more."

Meg smiled. "You do me proud, boss."

He rolled his eyes. The fact remained, though, he still hadn't gotten anything concrete about the prophecy out of Raeburn, just what the other demon had said, and most of those supposed 'facts' were based on assumptions Azazel had told them. He contemplated going to find Azazel, but he wasn't entirely sure he could trust himself around the demon. After all, Azazel was responsible for killing his mother, turning Sam into a demon-blood drinking lush, and having Ryan raped and tortured then possessed. No, he couldn't handle seeing Azazel. He thought a moment. "Say, Meg, do you know anything about these prophecies those three were talking about?"

She shrugged. "I've heard them for centuries."

"Where do I find out about them?"

She winced. "Not even Azazel knew all about them, or if he did, he didn't tell me. That was a long time ago, Dean."

"But if I didn't want to talk to old Yellow Eyes? Meg, I can't handle being around him. Give me Alistair, I could fuck him up, but Azazel…He's done too much to my family."

"I get it, Dean. I really do." She thought a moment. "There is only one creature that actually knows what the prophecies say. They were brought down from heaven."

His eyes flashed. "You don't mean…"

She nodded. "Yep. You want the truth, you'll have to go to the devil himself."

"Fuck," Dean muttered. He hadn't been down to the cage, he couldn't bring himself to see where they'd held Sam captive, couldn't stand the taunting he felt sure Michael and Lucifer would give him, couldn't handle the thoughts that his other brother might be in there, suffering. He hadn't…forgotten Adam, he had just chosen not to remember him.

"Dean, you aren't actually thinking of going _down _there, are you? Do you know what those two angels are doing down there?"

He winced. He honestly didn't have a fucking clue what the two brothers were doing locked in the cage. He didn't want to know, but he didn't really have a choice, did he? "I don't want to, but I need to know. If there is something happening topside with Ryan…Sam's in that house. I have to protect Sammy."

Bela let out a snort. "Always 'protect Sammy'. Aren't you exhausted yet? Aren't you utterly tired of having that clichéd way of thinking?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "It's none of your business, Bela."

She held up both hands. "Whatever, Dean. I'm not your mother."

He squared his shoulders. "Okay, I'm going down there. You two, stay here, keep up with shit. I'll…be back when I can."

"You want me to get Cas to go with you?" Meg asked softly.

"I'm the king of hell, Meg. I think I can handle this. They're locked in a cage for crying out loud. I'll be fine."

"If you're sure. You couldn't pay me all the souls in hell or all the money in the world to go down there."

Yeah, he felt the same, but he had to know. "I'll be back eventually."

"I'm giving you a time limit, Dean. Those two…they're powerful, much more powerful than you, even in the cage. They can't escape it, but they can fuck with your head."

"I'm well aware of what they're capable of. I've been fucked over by archangels before."

"And if they decided to…?"

"Meg, enough. I'll be fine."

"You're a damned fool, Dean Winchester," Bela stated.

He shrugged. "Ain't nothing new, sweetheart, that's just how I roll." He looked at his two knights and smiled. "Come on, they're locked up! They can't escape, I'm sure they've tried."

"Be careful," Meg implored.

He nodded. "I will."

The bowels of hell were where the cage was located and it was a trek to get there. He briefly wondered how Cas managed to find the cage to let Sam out, but then he remembered Cas was in cahoots with Crowley at the time, so he had no doubts the demon let the angel in. Of course, how he managed to get into and out of the cage, he would have to ask Cas about sometime. Though, Sam was a human soul, and human souls weren't meant for the cage, just like in Purgatory, so he supposed it was easier to get Sam out than he realized.

He turned the corner and heard Lucifer singing "Stairway to Heaven" as loud as he could while Michael was grounding out an interesting version of "Bohemian Rhapsody". Dean rolled his eyes. _They really are little more than children in the cage at this point in time_, Dean thought. "Will you two shut the fuck up so we can talk?!" Dean shouted.

Both voices stopped as he approached. "Well, well, well, little Dean's a demon. How does that make you feel, Michael? Your meatsuit has joined my team."

Dean scowled. "I've not joined your team, Lucifer, you dick, I'm just here for information."

"Oh, goodie. We never get visitors," Lucifer said as he came closer to the bars. From Dean's perspective, it looked like a jail cell in a western movie with bars on it, but the bars were lit with holy fire. Interesting. Apparently the fire never died out because there was a river of liquid magma pouring to a crevice that fed the flames. Cool. That shit was like something out of some sci-fi movie. Awesome.

"Are you interested in examining our cell, or did you require something of us?" Michael asked in a bored voice as he, too, approached.

Dean smiled. "Looks like you'd be glad to have any version of company, Mike."

"Do _not _call me Mike."

"Why not, Mikey?" Lucifer giggled.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up, _Luci_," Dean intoned. "I need information. I didn't come down to hear you two bicker like an old married couple."

"Oh, well, maybe we can work out a deal," Lucifer stated. "I'm sure I know something I can trade you for time out of this cell…"

"Please. If he were going to let anyone out, it's me. I haven't done anything wrong!"

"As if your wings were white as the snow, Mike."

"Actually…"

"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Dean growled. "I'm not making any deals, I just figured you'd want to talk, and I have questions."

"About?"

"Prophecies."

"Why don't you ask your little angel friend, Castiel? He could help."

Dean glowered at Michael. "Because I'm not asking him, I'm asking you two twats."

"Oooh, he's cursing me. I'm scared," Lucifer taunted.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Look, I just spent thirty years torturing two demons for information. Then I fucked over their leader for a couple decades more. One told me I needed to come and talk to you." It wasn't exactly the truth, but it was close enough. "Do you know anything about the prophecy about the boy king or not?"

Lucifer smiled. "Ahhhh, _that _prophecy. Well, well, well, has it come to pass?"

"No, it hasn't, for your information. I just wanted to know if you knew it. It won't happen now, anyway. The supposed mother of the boy king can't have kids, douche, so it won't happen."

Lucifer smiled. "Ah, that's what you think. And isn't that cute, you believe that drivel? It's a _prophecy, _dipshit. Of course it's going to come to pass."

"But, that's impossible!"

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "You thought it was impossible for Sam to say 'yes' to me, but he did."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Look, asshat, Sam did that because he knew he could lock your ass back in this cage. And guess what? He did. So shove that up your ass."

Michael was applauding quietly at Dean's outburst. "Bravo, Dean. You're as articulate as I anticipated."

"Yeah, well, fuck you, too, Michael," Dean shot at him. The two angels looked at him and he sighed. "Can't you please just give me the information? I'm not going to let your asses out of the cage, you know that, right?"

They both nodded.

"So, can't you give me what I want to know?"

"Oh, I don't think so," Lucifer started.

"Oh, come on, for Dad's sake, Lucifer, give the man the information. What difference does it make?" Michael sounded exasperated. Yeah, well, that was how Dean felt, so…

"I'm building up to it! Can't you let me have any fun?"

"No."

Dean held in a smile at the two of them. They acted like kids in time-out or something.

Lucifer sighed. "Fine." He cleared his throat and recited, "Forged in fire, tested, tempted, and tried, the mother will be of a pure heart and a clear mind, seduced by the demon that sneaks into her heart, and thus, the child shall be born."

"Where does it say who the person is?"

Lucifer smiled. "Ah, well, that's up to interpretation."

"Azazel supposedly thought it was someone in particular. Why?"

The two angels behind the bars shared a look. Michael rolled his eyes. Lucifer's grin was wicked. "Well, that's because I told him who it was."

"And how did _you _know?"

Lucifer shrugged. "I just knew."

"And now?"

The angel's smile grew. "And now I'm sure of it."

Dean clenched his jaw. "You're lying. Ryan can't have kids because of what Azazel's henchmen did to her."

"Miracles _do _happen," Lucifer told him.

"Yeah. Crowley thought _I_ was one. Look what happened."

Michael chuckled under his breath. "Well, Dean, I have to admit, you have a point there."

"Is my brother in there with you?" Dean asked suddenly.

"Castiel got him out, Dean, you know this. Sam is safe and secure topside, not to worry."

"Not him."

Michael smiled a genuine smile. "I let him go as we fell, Dean. He was returned to heaven. He was never in here. His body is buried where the hole was, when we fell into the cage."

"You swear, angel?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Michael stated drolly.

Dean turned to Lucifer. "Is he telling the truth?"

Lucifer put a hand to his chest. "You're asking me to tell the truth? How funny, asking _the devil _if he's being truthful. Hilarious. But yes, he actually is telling the truth."

"So, you could have let Sam go whenever you fell?" Dean asked with narrowed eyes.

"Of course, I _could _have, I suppose. However, I am not as nice as my brothers. Didn't you know that?"

"I was aware," Dean told him in a flat tone. "So, what about the prophecy?"

"I'm bored now," Lucifer whined before he started singing "Party in the U.S.A."

Michael rolled his eyes. "When Miley's deal comes due, send her to us, _please, _so I can torture her personally."

Dean chuckled. "I'll keep that in mind. You wanna take Bieber, too?"

"Oh, yes, that would be quite a lot of fun."

Dean shook his head. "Well, thanks for nothing, you two."

He started to walk away when the singing stopped and Lucifer shouted, "It isn't as bad as you're making it out to be, Dean."

Dean turned abruptly. "What?"

"Nothing is as it seems and _everything _is turned on its head." He smiled. "I guess the Cheshire Cat was right, most everyone really _is _mad here…" he then started singing the beginning of "The Jabbberwoky Poem" as loud as he could and Michael bashed his head against the flaming bars.

Dean's brows furrowed as he turned and headed back to the upper levels of hell. He hadn't gotten any information out of the pair. Nothing. Nada. Of course, Ryan couldn't have kids, she'd told him so. But, he supposed he could talk to Cas, see what he had to say. He contemplated seeing Ryan, but he didn't want to scare her. She was terrified of demons, and he was their king. No, he would discretely ask Castiel. That was better. Besides, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to control himself seeing her. He was still attracted to her, and he knew he'd never been able to say 'no' to her either. So, no, this was much better.

* * *

He popped himself topside and walked into the café he and Cas frequented. He'd missed more than a few meetings, prompting him to go ahead and call a meeting today to make up for it. To his surprise, Castiel wasn't there. Instead, a frightened young woman came to him. "C-Castiel is busy at the moment. H-He asks you to wait for him outside the Men of Letters bunker. He should be along in three to five minutes."

Dean's brows knit, but he just nodded. He hadn't even ordered his pie. Well, that was alright. He walked outside, glanced around, then traveled to the bunker. He propped himself up against the wall and waited a few moments before Cas walked out of the door.

"Hello, Dean. I apologize. I was assisting young Hope with some research."

Dean smiled despite himself. The kid was straight up cool shit. He wished he'd had more than just a day to get to know her. He would bet money she'd be an awesome hunter one day, just like her mom. "She doing good?"

Cas nodded "Yes, she's, ah, she's doing well. All the children are."

"How old is she now?"

"Fourteen. Her brother, Bobby, is five and the youngest boy, Jonathan, is three."

Dean let out a low whistle. "I bet Sam and Ryan have their hands full."

Castiel shrugged indifferently. "They are not here. They are working a case together at the moment. Jody and her daughter, Annie, in addition to Hope, are babysitting while they're gone."

"Is it a serious case?"

"They weren't certain what it was. It appears to be some kind of Demigod, or goddess, actually, one that has issues with adultery."

Dean shook his head. "Wow. I don't miss those. I tangled with a few of them. They'll be okay, though, right?"

Cas smiled. "I have no doubts about their abilities. The two of them make an almost perfect team."

Dean couldn't pretend it didn't hurt his heart to hear it. He'd always thought he and Sammy made the best team. He could only assume he had been wrong, though, he had to admit, they had their fair share of crap between them. Maybe Ryan was the best option for a hunting partner. He wondered how they could hunt without worrying about the kids, but he supposed Ryan was just all around better at shit in life than he had been. "Well, good. Where are they?"

"Nebraska, I believe."

Dean nodded, pretending not to be interested. "Okay, well, listen, sounds like you're busy, so, uh, rain check?"

Cas eyed him suspiciously, but smiled. "As you wish. I will see you soon, Dean."

Dean blinked and Cas had flown off. _If one of the kids were a demon, Cas would mention it. So, clearly Lucifer is full of shit. _With that decided, Dean contemplated what he wanted to do next.

He could go back downstairs, fuck with Raeburn a bit more, but…Dean looked around before doing something he had never done, he used his blood connection to Ryan to find her. He had never forgotten the fact he had given her blood once upon a time. His blood sang within her and he easily found her location and zoomed in on it.

He materialized and found himself standing outside a bar. It wasn't a rough place, but similar to a million and one bars he and Sammy had often visited in their travels.

He walked into the place, scanning the crowd quickly for Sam, finding him easily, standing head and shoulders above the other patrons. He didn't see Ryan yet, but he could feel her proximity. He ordered a drink and propped himself against the bar. He downed it and ordered another, ignoring the woman behind the bar, and the appreciative glances she, as well as the chick to his right were sending his way. He rolled his eyes. He had better shit to do than hook up with a damn barfly. He downed his second drink and inclined his head for a third. He didn't even glance behind him as he heard a sound and turned his head to the stage…where Ryan was standing, preparing to sing.

She looked beautiful in a blood red dress that skimmed every curve she had, which weren't quite as numerous nor as prevalent as the last time he saw her. She almost looked too thin, but he could easily make out the muscles in her arms and legs, so clearly she was still quite strong if she was hunting. The dress had long sleeves to hide her scars, but it was the skirt of it that drew his attention….it was too short, way too short and it showed off a hint of her milky ivory skin above the thigh-high leather stiletto boots she was wearing. She was way too exposed for a place like this and Dean felt a growl rising in his throat that all these men were staring at her.

He noticed her eyes lit on Sam and she gave him a smile, _the _smile…one of those secret kind of smiles that used to be reserved for _him _and he felt like he was intruding on something special, something almost…sacred, but he couldn't help himself.

She cleared her throat nervously as the band began playing the song. It was a rock song, one he'd never heard before, but it was so full of raw sex he almost melted listening to her honeyed voice growling out the lyrics about being watched and getting off on it. His eyes narrowed as she moved her hands up and down her body, earning catcalls as she lost herself in the song, not giving a shit at the fact she was, without a doubt, the cause of every man in the damn place popping a boner.

He stood, to do what, he wasn't sure. He made it halfway through the crowd when he realized…she was on a case, right? They were working a case. He couldn't drag her off the damn stage. He couldn't mess up if they were trying to catch some creature…

She was prancing around the stage now, her curls wild around her head, making her look like a goddess herself. Her voice rasped in nothing but pure seduction.

When she finished, she tossed the mike to one of the backup singers, shot Sam an evil grin and jumped off the stage into his waiting arms. Dean had about two seconds to realize what was going to happen. He tried to leave, but he didn't miss the kiss…the one that should have lit the fucking place on fire. He felt something in the vicinity of his chest, a pain ripped through him in that instant and it took him until he had melted back down to hell and bit Crowley's head off for something inconsequential that it occurred to him what it was…hurt. Betrayal. Pain. He was officially heartbroken.

Funny, he'd never even realized he still _had _a heart…He was so _angry. _He wanted to destroy something. His mind traveled to the special room that had been set up for him and he smiled. He went then to Raeburn.

He lost himself in torturing the demon. It was…therapeutic in a way. Dean refused to let him off the rack. He gave the demon no rest until finally, Dean calmed down. He couldn't do this. He was a demon, the _king _demon. Ryan was terrified of demons. Besides that, she was a human. Sam was a human. He wanted Sam to be happy, right? And this…this was what Sam wanted, so, he had to let Ryan go.

The realization made things easier. Easier, but not better, and occasionally, he would irrationally find himself angry, hurt, and then he would go back to Raeburn where he would torture the bastard, then go about his day. Anytime he got angry, he'd go torture the fucker. Crowley bitched? He'd go take it out on Raeburn. He was like Dean's own personal chew toy. He found he was able to focus on everything better when he had Raeburn to torture. It made life so much easier and better for Dean in hell then. He wished he had thought about it from the beginning.

After one particularly refreshing torture session, he smiled as he stepped from the room, wiping blood from his hands with a wet towel. "Thanks, Meg."

"My pleasure, boss. Same time tomorrow?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, why not?"

She giggled and went back to work in another room.

Dean walked down the hall with a self-satisfied smirk as he heard Raeburn wailing and lamenting behind the closed door. He hadn't broke the bastard, however, he did know where to hurt him the worst. That was what he focused on. He didn't give a shit if he broke the son of a bitch, as long as he got to continue torturing the little shit.

They had done as Dean asked, and moved Raeburn to a special room, reserved only for Dean. Raeburn was kept chained to the rack twenty four/seven. He was never allowed down, never allowed to heal, never allowed anything.

Dean took in a great, satisfied breath and smiled again as the doors to the elevator closed.

He stopped in on the crossroads floor. It had been a while since he'd checked in on Crowley. Oh, he knew Bela was keeping Crowley straight, he just wanted to go bother the little shit for a moment.

He was still all smiles as he didn't knock, but strode into Crowley's office like he owned the place, which, well, he did. "Crowley."

"Dean."

Dean chuckled at the cold tone Crowley used. "How are things?"

"Fine, Dean. How are things with you?"

"I'm great," Dean told him as he sat down in the chair and propped his feet up on Crowley's desk.

Crowley pursed his lips, but smartly, didn't say anything. "How can I help you today, _sir?_"

Dean smirked at the sarcasm that dripped from Crowley's tone. "Nothing, man, I just felt like coming and bothering you."

"So I see. Well, I am quite busy, actually. We have a new crossroads demon and I need to train her in your protocol."

Dean nodded and stood. "Good. Make sure she knows the rules. I can always create other rooms for my tortures."

Crowley shivered and Dean's smile grew. Everyone in hell knew about Raeburn by now. It had been over two centuries of hell time Dean had been torturing him in between his work. He had spent fifty years with him solely without interruption in the beginning and it had felt so fucking good, Dean couldn't describe it if he tried.

He took his leave then and roamed hell for a little while, unsure what to do with himself. His next meeting with Cas wasn't for a few years, and his paperwork was all caught up. He was…listless, he supposed was a good word for it. He could have found a willing little demon to bang, but he really wasn't in the mood for sex. Truthfully, those little demon whores hadn't done much for him lately. Sure, he got off, but he missed the connection. It was all just sex. He wanted…he knew what he wanted, he wanted a human. But not just any human; no, he had in mind a specific one. One he couldn't have. One that wouldn't want him, no matter what.

Finally, he muttered, "I'm in hell. So what if coveting is one of the cardinal sins? Fuck it." He closed his eyes, envisioned where he wanted to be, and went topside. He glanced up at Ryan's house as he materialized in front of it.

The impala was missing from the driveway, but another car was sitting there, a rental. It was dark and the house was quiet, except for two soft female voices. He imagined himself at the back of the house to see Jody and Ryan sitting at the kitchen table, a bottle of whiskey between them.

He took in their appearances. Both were dressed in halfway fancy clothes, so clearly they were getting ready for a night out on the town. Jody was in a conservative number, but Ryan, _damn, _Ryan…she looked beautiful in a deep blue halter top that broadcast not only her scars, but the tattoo on her back. She also wore an impossibly short skirt that displayed the miles of ivory skin of her legs and he could just barely make out a hint of ink running up her thigh to her hip. She had on some of those 'fuck me' shoes that seemed like they were a mile high in a sexy as sin black with red bottoms. They looked expensive and he'd bet they were, too. She was gorgeous. If anything, she looked better than he'd ever seen her. But her face…something was bothering her, he could tell. Apparently, so could Jody.

"Are you okay, Ryan?" Jody asked her softly.

Ryan blew out a breath. "Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?"

Jody shot her a look and Dean cringed. He wasn't sure what it was about the woman that could make you feel like you'd done something wrong. It was "the mom look" if he'd ever seen one, and he should know. He did remember seeing it a few times in the four short years he'd had a mother. "Don't bullshit me, Ryan," Jody was saying, "I'm your best friend. I know when you're lying."

The side of Ryan's mouth lifted in a half smile. "I'm okay, physically. I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm more focused, I'm more centered. I'm okay as far as my mental health, too. I mean, you'd think I'd be buckets of crazy again, in all this chaos I've thrust myself into, but I'm not…it's…wonderful. I love all these kids; it is great having them all here. I'm thriving on it. And this thing with Sam, it's terrific…"

"But…?" Jody prompted.

Ryan blew out another breath. Dean knew she did it when she was about to admit something, or say something she didn't want to. "I miss him. Sam misses him…it's like there's a giant, Dean-sized hole in our lives and nothing can fill it."

Dean almost audibly gasped. _They miss_ _me? _He hadn't really thought about it, to be honest. He was a monster now. Why would they miss him?

"You could always…" Jody began.

Ryan let out a snort. "I could always…what, Jody? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? March down to hell and profess my love?"

_Ryan…loves me? What the hell? _

Jody shrugged. "It's an idea."

"He's refused to see Sam, Jody. _Sam. _If he won't even see his _brother, _his reason for _living _and _dying _and all that other shit, _why_ would he want to see some chick he banged a couple of times?"

_Is that how she sees herself? Doesn't she realize I loved her too? _Hell, if he was honest with himself, he probably _still _loved her.

Jody poured them both another shot and they downed the alcohol. "He needs to know the truth, Ryan."

Ryan let out what sounded like a half hysterical laugh. "Are you kidding me? You're kidding, right? He's a _demon, _Jody! The motherfucking _king _demon! I'm supposed to march right in there and tell him…?"

"Gabriel said to tell him when he was dead. I think demonized is kinda dead, don't you?"

_Gabriel? What the fuck, Ryan? What have you done with angels? _Of course, Gabriel was a common name. Maybe she'd met some shaman, or a voodoo priest, it didn't have to be the archangel Gabriel, did it?

He heard a sniff and was surprised to see it was Ryan crying. "What difference does it make? Sam gets a happily ever after. That was the deal, right? I look after Sammy, take over Dean's place. Sam gets to have a happy ending, and I think, oddly enough, finally, he's getting it."

"And what about you, Ryan? Do you get a happy ending?"

Ryan wiped the tears off her cheeks. "My happy ending died when Dean opened black eyes." She smiled a self-depreciating smile. "I was never going to get one, anyway. It was a pipe dream. I've got a happy enough ending. That's what I got."

"You could try…"

"What, Jody? Just what could I try? It's over. Bam. Done. It's finished and now, so am I. I don't get a say, I don't get a choice. I made my bed, now I lie in it."

He heard a bang as Jody slammed her hand on the table. "Damn it, this, right here, _this _is why Sam asked me to talk to you. You _fight, _Ryan, it's what you do! You always have!"

"I _am_ fighting, Jody! God help me, I'm fighting and hunting and training the kids and being a mother and being a Woman of Letters or Journaler, or whatever-the-fuck we've decided to call it and I'm working my fingers to the bone. All I _do_ is fight."

"But not for him? You won't fight for Dean?"

"Dean's dead," Ryan stated coldly. "The Dean Winchester I know is long gone. He's dead, Jody. Sure, Cas says he's the same, but I'm not stupid. He wouldn't be torturing demons for centuries on end if he was my Dean."

"Oh please. Get your head out of your ass, Ryan. That's exactly who he is! You've made him into some Disney Prince! Dean is torturing Raeburn because of _you_. He knows what that bastard did to you, much better than I do, and I was _there _when we excised him for a second time. Dean is exacting revenge for _you_. If that doesn't show love, then I don't know what does." Jody paused the pursed her lips. "I don't see Dean torturing Ruby, and we both know that demon chick screwed over both the brothers. She got Sam hooked on _demon blood _and managed to trick him into letting Lucifer out of his cage for crying out loud!"

Dean smirked. He had briefly considered torturing Ruby, but by the time he'd become king, Ruby was being tortured enough for failing Lilith, so he hadn't felt the need to take on her…care, personally.

Ryan let out a laugh and brought him back to the women's conversation. "Come on, Jody, really? Out of all the women he's fucked in his lifetime, _I'm _the one that's special? Give me one reason why."

_I can give you ten. Fifteen. Twenty, _Dean mused.

"Because you're you, Ryan. Because it's written in the stars. Because heaven declared it, I don't know how to make it any plainer to see. And if you had a little more faith, you would, too."

Ryan narrowed her eyes and stated bitterly, "I don't have any faith. Not anymore. Not when everything I believed has been turned on its head."

Jody grasped Ryan's hand. "You were never destined for a normal life, Ryan, you know that. Now, enjoy your pity party then pick up the pieces."

Ryan downed another shot of whiskey and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Yeah, you're right. I've wallowed enough, haven't I?"

Jody let out a snort. "Yeah, you have."

Two more tears rolled down Ryan's face. "We're like that song, you know?"

"Which one, Ryan? I know you convey your emotions through songs a lot, but you'll have to be more specific."

She sighed. "I grew up in North Carolina. My daddy was big into country music. There is this one song, by Pam Tillis. It's called 'The River and The Highway'. That's me and Dean."

"What's it about?"

Ryan closed her eyes as she thought and Dean saw more tears trickle out of her closed lids. "The river follows the path of least resistance. She doesn't care to see the mountain top. She twists and turns with no regard for distance, she never comes to a stop. And the highway, well, he's headed for a single destination. He doesn't care what's standing in his path. He's a line between two points of separation. But he ends just where it says to on the map."

Jody's brows knit. "Okay."

"But every now and then, he offers her a shoulder. And every now and then, she overflows. And every now and then, a bridge crosses over, and they're together for those few moments of bliss."

"Well…that's depressing," Jody commented.

Ryan laughed as new tears poured down her face. "Yeah, well, I'm good with tragedy." She sniffed once, twice, wiped her tear-stained cheeks, then smiled. "Come on. I'm done. We need to get going. We've got a wedding rehearsal dinner to get to."

Dean blinked as he watched the two women get up and walk toward the door. He heard the rental car start up and drive away. _Wedding? Sam's happily ever after? Ryan loves me? Gabriel? What the fuck did I just hear? _

* * *

**_AN2: How evil am I? Uh...very? Yes, yes I am. So...next chapter, we go alllll the way back to the beginning. I think it's time to see Ryan's side of things, don't you? You have no idea what Dean's been missing. _**

**_Side note: I love Dean. I'm a Dean girl. I promise, he'll find his way to happiness...eventually. I wouldn't be writing SPN fanfiction if I didn't enjoy torturing the hell out of characters though, first. Hold on, more heartfail to come. Until next time, my lovelies..._**


	9. Black Velvet

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Supernatural. I really, REALLY would like to, if only to beat someone for using the term DEANMON in that season 10 promo. SMH…**

**AN: WOW! Thanks you guys! All I had to do was bitch to get more reviews. LOL. And look! Three more followers! Thanks! Oh, FYI, I'm on tumblr now! I'm mischief-maker1 over there, too. Come hang out with me! I'm in talks with someone to get me some gifs or a pic for this story. If you like it, and feel like doing one for me, PM me or get with me over there. **

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**TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicidal thoughts, memories of attempts, mentions of rape. I have never been suicidal. I have a close family member that is and she and I have talked about it before. She was also raped as a teen. I have not been. I am trying to be as considerate of the subject matter as I can be, so please forgive me, I really do not mean to offend anyone. Everyone who has read the story up to now has seen things from Dean's point of view. Ryan's isn't great, but I'm not making it either despairingly bad nor happy-happy, joy-joy. There are reasons she acts as she does, ones you'll find out in later chapters. HAVING SAID THAT…PLEASE! This is a work of fiction. If you are on medications for depression, DO NOT STOP TAKING THEM. THERE ARE SUPERNATURAL FORCES AT WORK HERE. And we will delve into those in the following chapters. Now, please enjoy your regularly scheduled story, already in progress…**

* * *

Back to the beginning…almost all the way to the beginning.

**Ryan's POV**

_The blow caused her to fall back onto the ground as her head snapped back from the punch. "She's a pretty one."_

"_She's sweet as candy…"_

"_M-Mr. Marcus?" she asked, confusion and hurt warring within her. Mr. Marcus was the nice man that worked in the grocery store, wasn't he?_

"_Oh, how cute. She thinks I'm actually the meatsuit I'm wearing."_

_The other two men, whom she also recognized, were laughing now as Mr. Marcus bent down to her. His eyes flashed black. "I ain't Mr. Marcus, little girl. I'm a demon. And do you know what demons do to sweet little pieces of ass like you?" His hand trailed over her, causing fear to stab in her heart. "We take every piece of you."_

Ryan jerked awake as she heard the door open. Her hand slid to the silver knife sitting in the holster hidden in her jeans just as Mr. and Mrs. Abruzzi walked in. "Hi, Ryan, was Jack good for you?"

Ryan took a small breath and plastered a smile on her face as she stood. _Just another dream, just another nightmare. You're twenty-one years old, Ryan. You're in college. You haven't seen a demon since you were eleven. You are fine. _The mantra helped. Sometimes. "Jack was great. He didn't want to eat much, though. He felt kind of warm, but not warm enough for me to call you to ask if he needed medicine. You might want to pop into his room and check him, though. We played Lego's for about a hundred million years and then he got tired pretty quickly." She grinned ruefully. "I think I dozed off, myself."

Mrs. Abruzzi dug into her small clutch and handed Ryan some money. "Thank you, Ryan, you're wonderful. I know one day you'll make an excellent mother."

Ryan's heart lurched, but she just hid the pain, as she always did, and nodded. "Thanks. I'll, uh, I'll see myself out."

"It's late, Ryan, are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" Mr. Abruzzi asked.

Ryan held in the shiver, but just barely. She didn't let strange men get close to her, and riding in the car with him was absolutely out of the question. She couldn't go around putting holy water in everyone's drinks, so she just kept an eye out, but that didn't mean she wanted to put herself in danger by being in an enclosed vehicle with him. That was why she didn't trust public transportation, either. "No, sir, it's fine. My apartment is only a few blocks from here. I could have driven, but didn't want to bother getting my car out."

"Are you sure? It isn't safe for young women to be out alone at night."

She smirked at that. She'd read enough to know how to kill almost anything. She was a fourth degree blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do and had mastered a handful of weapons. _Just let anything try to fuck with me._ It would end badly for _it_, not her. Of course, she also had never actually had anything _try _to attack her, so she wasn't one hundred percent sure she wouldn't choke, but that was okay. Better safe out in the world where she could run away than being shut in a car with him. "Trust me, I'll be fine. Thanks."

She slipped into her tennis shoes and exited the house into the cool May air. She was watchful, though, as she made her way back to her apartment thankful yet again she didn't have to live in a dorm. Her father's passing had been hurtful, but it had been freeing, in a way. Financially, she was stable and sound. Her mother had a life insurance policy her father had never touched, and then her father's insurance policy was also a decent amount. She'd invested some of it and was living meagerly to save as much money as she could, which was why she walked everywhere.

She made her way back to her apartment and only after checking to make sure all her wards were secure, did she allow herself to relax. Here was her safe haven. She had read and researched all about demons and felt fairly confident one would never touch her again.

She went to her room and slipped out of her summer sweater. She hated wearing long sleeves, but she had gotten used to it. No one wanted to see the evidence of her darkest hours. No one could understand why she felt the need to end her life. No one could fully appreciate how fucked up you could get by watching your own hands kill your mother, though you had no control over it. No one could imagine feeling the feelings of the tortures those few hours she was a demon's plaything wrought. She shivered and decided a hot shower was in order.

She had a CD player in her bathroom, a small one, on the back of the toilet, and she turned it on to some classical music. Well, some classical rock music. Queen, was actually what she put on. _Nothing like a little Bohemian Rhapsody to relax you, _she thought.

As she waited for the water to warm, she stripped naked and looked at herself in the mirror. She was pretty, that much, she was aware of. Lots of guys looked at her. She didn't mind being looked at. It was when they tried to approach, things got complicated. Younger guys were easier to be around. She had no issues chatting with the little teenage boys that worked in the grocery store. The ones her age…tended to be a bit more of a concern, but she handled it. She knew she seemed cold and aloof, but that kept her safe. It was the middle aged men, however, that always gave her pause. Of course, the demons were riding middle aged men, so that certainly explained her wariness.

She turned this way and that, checking herself out. She was five foot, seven inches tall, much taller than her mother, thin, not over muscular, but she was strong. She ran a few times a week, worked out every day and kept up the Tae Kwon Do she had learned as a teen. That had been…interesting. As long as she'd had female teachers, she had been fine, and once she got some skill in, she hadn't minded sparing with men. It had been a nice realization that she could, at least, be around men without freaking out completely. It had started her healing process, but certainly hadn't completed it. Who was she kidding? She would never be healed. She accepted that.

She fingered the rope of a scar that ran down the length of her right forearm. It hadn't been the first time she'd tried to kill herself. The first time, she had been thirteen and swallowed a bottle of pills. Her father found her lying unconscious on the kitchen floor. The sleeping pills had taken effect before she had the chance to make it back to her room. If she could have only just gotten back to her bed, he would never have known. Instead, it had bought her a ticket to the nuthouse and a child shrink who wanted to talk about her feelings.

Ryan snorted as she remembered the idiot doctor who thought she knew it all. After a three month stint, they decided she was well enough and sent her out on her merry little way with a fuckton of pills a day and twice a week appointments. She'd played her part, acted like she was fine, and almost started to believe it. She got into Tae Kwon Do, began reading everything she could get her hands on, started being normal around her father again. She didn't go to school, that was too much. She tried, and it almost sent her spiraling out of control again. Eventually, her father found her a correspondence course and a couple of sympathetic teachers willing to tutor her in the classes she needed practical applications in. She was still depressed, still suicidal, still felt…worthless. She began cutting herself and that helped. She knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but she needed the relief it provided. All that culminated to help her cope…until she was seventeen.

_**Flashback**_

_A few months after her seventeenth birthday, she noticed the pills had slowly begun to stop working. She grew more and more depressed, and then, one night, she had a different kind of nightmare. She dreamed about the demons almost every night, but that night, she dreamed about her mother, about her begging and pleading for Ryan not to kill her, telling her over and over how much she loved her baby, how they would get help for her…Ryan didn't stop as she slashed the woman to bits. That part disturbed her, but when the boy with the Jolly Rancher green eyes had shown up, she had killed him, too, but not before she did…things to him. She tortured him as she had been tortured and that was just too much. No one could save her then. _

_Ryan woke sobbing and in the lowest place she could possibly go. She felt responsible. She should have died, then she wouldn't have killed her mom. If she had just died instead of holding out hope someone would come rescue her, she wouldn't have remembered doing that to her mother. _

_She could still remember the feel of the blade in her hand, the one that had her dried blood on it from the demons 'playtime' with her. She had taken it out of her skirt waistband where she had hidden it and stabbed her mom in the back as she knelt over the tub to start the water for the bath. She felt the warm blood trickle down her hand as she began cutting and slicing, could see the fear in her mother's eyes as the life drained out of her…_

_Ryan had stood from her bed and walked to get another pill, to try to calm herself down, but she had caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror, had sworn she had seen black eyes flashing in her own frightened orbs and slammed her hand into the mirror, breaking it into hundreds of pieces. _

_There was one big piece lying in the sink. It was sharp on one end, but big and sturdy. Ryan grabbed it up and caught her reflection in it. "Go on, you worthless piece of shit!" her reflection said to her, "You're a monster! A monster no one loves! No one wants you! Your father is terrified of you! You killed your mother! End it. Be gone from this world! Hell will welcome you with open arms and you'll suffer for the pain you cause everyone you've ever known!"_

_She swallowed hard and began to trace it along her wrists. "No! No, no, no! Not like that! Go the length of your arm! What is it the one girl said? Down the street, not across the road. Go the length of your arm and make it deep. No one will be able to save you in time. Not that you're worthy of saving, anyway. Go, bleed out for your mom. Maybe then, you'll atone for your sins!"_

_She grabbed the chunk of mirror too tightly, it bit into her palm, slicing it, but the pain was cathartic. She gasped in pleasure as the pain tore through her. Yes, this was what she needed. She lovingly ran the sharpened tip up and down her arm, reveling in the sensation of the glass just barely breaking her skin. She set her jaw and plunged it into her flesh, dragging it down the length of her arm, all the way from her elbow to her wrist. Blood started gushing forth from the wound and she smiled for the first time in years, it seemed. Yes. This is what she was supposed to do. _

_She moved the shard to her other hand and once more, lovingly caressed her flesh with the tip before she began dragging it roughly down her arm. _

_She felt woozy almost immediately and she welcomed the sensation. It was gloriously freeing. She felt like she was flying as she sank to her knees. I'm so sorry, Mom. Don't worry…Hell will welcome me home, where I'll pay for my sins…_

_She awoke three days later, tied down to a bed in another psychiatric facility. Her dad came to visit her, but she refused to see him. She was pissed. Why couldn't she manage to do anything right? She was supposed to kill herself, not end up in the loony bin again!_

_She was force-fed pills and made to talk about her fucking feelings again and on and on the same issues went. She remembered with perfect clarity, the first time they removed her bandages and she saw the scars running down both her arms. They'd had a time stopping the bleeding, or so she had been told. She had damaged the median nerve in both her arms as well as tore through the interosseous arteries on both sides. They had stapled her arms back together and she enjoyed counting each one on her right arm, all the way to thirty nine. Her left arm had thirty eight. It annoyed her. Why the hell didn't they just put an even forty in each? Or at the very least, make them both the same number? _

_The nurses were all skittish around her, for some reason. It turned out, while she was hopped up on all the meds, she had talked about the demons. Rookie mistake…never mention supernatural beings in the nuthouse. It only made them think you were crazier than you already were. Finally, they let her out, which she thought was ridiculous. Didn't they realize she was just going to do it again? This time, without the chance of someone finding her! _

_But, she didn't. And it was odd how it came about, that release and the loss of desire to end her life. She had run out of her prescription meds and forgot to get them filled. She knew better, but she'd been dealing with a cold, she was taking her final exams, her dad had been laid off from his job at the factory and she just…forgot. It took her a few days for the drugs to be out of her system. She had gone for a jog, it cleared her mind as she built up her muscles, and that was helping her physicality. She ran along the path at their local park. It was a beautiful brightly sunlit day. She reached the crest of the hillock and panted as the world opened up for her. She saw the beautiful water bubbling along the brook as it made its way down the sloping landscape, heard the birds chirping in the trees, felt the warmth of the sun on her skin…she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Suddenly, she had a moment of pure clarity. It was like coming out of the fog. Everything made sense. She lived. And why? To prove those evil sons of bitches wrong. She was not a demon and she never would be. She was alive. No, life wasn't perfect, but she was alive. And her mother died at her hand, but it wasn't her controlling it. She had been a puppet for that demon bastard. He had killed her mother, not her. Never her. She loved her mom more than anything. She would never have hurt her! _

"_Wow! What a view!" _

_Her eyes popped open at the man's voice. "What?" she asked softly as she came out of her reverie._

_He smiled at her. He was wearing jogging pants and smirked as he grabbed a lollypop out of his pocket. "I said, 'wow, what a view.'"_

_She smiled at him. "It really is. It's gorgeous. That's why I come here to run." She eyed his candy. "You're running, but you're eating a sucker?"_

_He laughed. "Yeah, bad habit I can't quit. But, hey, you give up smoking and drinking, you've got to have some vice, right?"_

_She chuckled. "I guess." She went to sit on the large bolder that overlooked the view. "The sun feels so good after all the rain we've had."_

"_Yeah. Did you see that rainbow this morning?"_

_She shook her head. It had been a bad day. It was all she could do to get out of bed in the first place. _

"_Too bad. Hate you missed it. It was totally proof of God's plan, you know?"_

_She didn't know and briefly wondered if he was one of those religious nuts. "I guess…" she said softly as she eyed him. He wasn't looking at her, but still enjoying the view. _

"_I almost committed suicide, once," he muttered._

_She blinked. "You did? Why?"_

_He shrugged and turned to her. "Family problems. Let's just say I'm the black sheep of a really big, really obnoxious family."_

"_I don't know what that's like," she murmured. "I'm an only child. My mother's dead, my father has all but grieved himself into the grave, I'm a clusterfuck of mixed emotions, physical and mental scars, and a lifetime's worth of issues."_

_He let out a whistle. "That's a lot for a teenager to go through."_

_At that, she snorted. "You don't know the half of it."_

"_No, I guess I don't. But you'll make it."_

"_How do you know?" she whispered uncertainly._

_He smiled and she couldn't help smiling at the mischievous glint in his eye. "Because, you're a fighter, aren't you?"_

_Her eyes narrowed as she thought. Was she a fighter? She wasn't sure. She would never have considered herself to be one. "No, I don't think so."_

"_I do," his voice was soft, almost hypnotic and she was relaxed by him for some strange reason. "I think you're a great fighter. One day, you'll prove it."_

_She sucked in a breath. "Today I think I might agree with you."_

_He smiled. "Remember this, then, today. When you get low, remember."_

_**End Flashback**_

Ryan blinked and realized she still hadn't gotten into the shower. She stepped under the hot spray and signed in relief. No, she wasn't normal, she never would be again, and she knew each day would be a struggle. It was easy to feel great and know your self worth one day, but the next, you'd feel rock-bottom depressed. It was a knife's edge her life balanced on. Coming out of the medication fog, though, had allowed her to see that she was going to have to deal with this aftermath of demonic possession all on her own. And she had done just that.

She'd continued working out, getting healthier, earning belt after belt in Tae Kwon Do, and learning. She started reading every book she could find on demons. As it turned out, there were other bad things in the world that were real, too. So, she started reading about them, also. She was now a walking encyclopedia of weird, but that worked. She liked knowing things normal people didn't. It made her feel…special.

Once she was relaxed with the shower and the music she had set up in the bathroom, she emerged and grabbed a glass of juice. She contemplated the alcohol above the refrigerator, but knew she didn't want to become an alcoholic. She had enough issues without adding booze to the mix.

Everyone thought she was crazy. Hell, she definitely was. She didn't want to be the class drunk, too. She flipped on the TV and waited for the news to come back on, but when it did, she gasped as it told about one of her classmates being brutally murdered that night. She turned the volume up and listened to the newscaster's cheery voice; "It is a sad day for Appalachian State University as Mandy Newell, one of the cheerleaders for the Mountaineers, died last night. Details are still sketchy, but it appears to be a homicide. We go now, live, to the scene of the crime…"

The camera switched to outside the library. "Thanks, Jan. Yes, tonight this quiet campus is reeling from the discovery of Mandy Newell's body in the lawn across the way. Authorities are remaining mum on this, but it just adds layers to the sadness that overcame the campus." There were pictures that flashed up onscreen, confusing Ryan until the newscaster continued. "Mandy Newell's death follows a long line of strange occurrences on campus. Ten years ago, Michelle Castleberry and Rachel Matheson were murdered here on campus just three nights apart, both of apparent stabbings. The police aren't ruling anything out, but it is safe to say foul play is involved…"

She let out a snort. "Foul play? Really? Man, you are idiots."

Two pictures flashed on screen again and she sucked in a breath. The two women looked, well, they looked like her. Mandy and her could have been twins, save for the fact Mandy was popular and she…wasn't. But these two shared quite a lot of the same facial features she saw every morning in the mirror.

She let out her breath slowly. This definitely wasn't something normal. She stood abruptly and dashed to her computer, quickly hitting the internet and doing a search for deaths around ASU. The results were astounding. Two girls, three days apart, every ten years. It was a pattern, most definitely.

She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. _You're going to come after me, aren't you, whatever you are? _She opened her eyes and narrowed them. _No, you are not. _She walked over to her bookshelf and started rummaging through her occult books, looking for a list of possible things that could be doing this. Three hours later, she figured out it must be a vengeful spirit. Djinns didn't kill their victims, not until they'd used them all up. Demons, well, they wouldn't just kill for the sake of killing. Not like this, anyway, and no one mentioned the presence of an odd smell or comment on smelling sulfur. Werewolves supposedly ate the heart of the victim. Vampires drained victims dry. On and on it went as she crossed off possible killers until a vengeful spirit was all she had left.

She hopped back on the internet and tried to find how far back it ran…all the way back to 1902 where a string of stabbings popped up like a red flag.

"Ghost. How the _fuck_ do I kill a ghost?" she muttered, and back she went to the drawing board, looking through books.

By the time the sun was fully rising, she had narrowed down her suspect pool to two possible men who had become vengeful spirits, but she wasn't entirely sure she knew how to handle this thing. The salt would protect her, that much she knew, and she kept her salt lines up anyway. Iron, her books said, would help too. Well, good. She had a tire iron in her car, plus a poker she had gotten at an antique shop just because she thought it looked cool. It was propped up against her mock fireplace.

She thought a moment and then decided to make a call. She'd heard through the grapevine of someone who could help with this. She only hoped he checked his messages.

She picked up her phone and dialed the number she had memorized, just in case. The voicemail picked up after the third ring. "This is John Winchester, if you have an emergency, please leave me a message and I will call you back as soon as possible."

"M-Mr. Winchester, I…I'm in North Carolina. App State University. I, I think we have a vengeful spirit. It killed one person. I'm pretty sure I'm next. Please. I'll, uh, I'll try you again sometime soon." She hung up and felt like an idiot. What were the odds he really was a hunter? But she couldn't forget Dean and Sammy saving her life by knowing how to excise a demon, so, maybe there was hope he was the real deal.

But, on the off chance he wasn't, she began researching how to kill a ghost.

Ryan was jumpy all day and into the night. She skipped her classes and stayed indoors catching snippets of sleep between bouts of fear. By the next day, however, she was past being scared and had traveled into the realm of pissed off. "I didn't survive being raped and almost killed by demons, demonic possession, and two suicide attempts for some ghost to bully me into dying," she murmured as she gathered salt, the poker, holy water (just in case) her silver knife, and her little handgun. Her eyes narrowed. "You're not going to scare me, you piece of shit specter."

She went about her day as normal as humanly possible, ignoring everyone as was her usual, and kept her eyes peeled for anything coming to kill her.

She was in the bathroom after her last class when she heard Wendi Westburg talking to Kandi Ellis. "I'm telling you, he was gorgeous! Perfect eyes! Perfect hair! Perfect teeth! Big green eyes, killer body…"

"Did you give him your number?"

"What do you think? Of course I did. He took it with a wink." Wendi let out a sigh. "He said he was a journalism major with his boss covering the case about Mandy."

"That was like, so sad," Kandi stated as she applied more lipstick.

"I know, right? I mean, she was like, the best cheerleader ever!"

"Except when she couldn't stick the landing," Kandi supplied.

"Shhh! Don't like, disparage the dead, Kandi!"

Ryan's eyebrow rose. She couldn't believe Wendi even knew what the word 'disparage' meant.

"So, he's going to be over at the bar later, said for me to find him."

"What was his name?"

"It was really weird, he didn't want to give it to me, but he did. Angus."

"Angus?"

"Yeah, Angus Young. It's weird, but he's pretty, so…"

Ryan held in a chuckle, wondering if Wendi even knew the guy had given her a fake name. _Angus Young? Really? The lead singer of AC/DC?_ Ryan rolled her eyes as the two other girls made their way out of the bathroom. Just then, her cell phone rang. She glanced at it, confused. No one had her number. No one called her. It was for emergencies only. She let it go to voicemail and then waited a moment to check it.

"Look, this is John Winchester. I don't know who you are, but you called me. I'm here at App State. I think you might be right. I'll be at Hooligans in a little while if you want to meet. You sounded scared, so that means you're inexperienced. I'll protect you. I promise."

Her heart leapt into her throat. He was here? Would she even recognize him? It had been ten years since she had seen the big man with the two boys who stayed at her house.

She ran back to the apartment and ditched her books before checking her makeup and making sure she looked decent. She then strode out to her car and slid behind the wheel. She cranked the engine, loving the sound of the beast purring in pleasure beneath her.

She closed her eyes and smiled. The old Ford Falcon had always been attached to good memories. It was her grandfather's and he used to take her out in it all the time. He died, the summer she was ten, before the shit hit the fan in her life. Her father could never part with it, but he never wanted to fix it up, either. That was where she had come in. She'd gotten rid of everything her family had owned save the photo albums and this car. They were the only two things from her old life she allowed.

_Tunes, _she thought absently, getting her mind off its no doubt, downward spiral, and dug through her duffle bag of cassette tapes. When she'd had the car remodeled, the douchewad mechanic had tried to talk her into putting in a CD player but she'd had none of that, choosing to keep the car classic, in as close to mint condition as she could. She did, however, allow him to put in a cassette player, one the more deluxe models would have had. So, naturally, she bought old tapes of her favorite jams. She pulled out the old _Back in Black _cassette and grinned. _Well, apparently Angus Young _is _on campus today…_and cranked it loud as she headed to Hooligans, one of the local bars. Hooligans was actually somewhere she enjoyed going and one of her quasi-friends worked there.

She slipped inside and glanced around. She saw a very attractive young guy around her age sitting, sipping on a beer, waiting for someone. She wondered briefly if that was the infamous "Angus" and chuckled at the thoughts of Wendi. She would bet money it was a test to see if Wendi had decent taste in music or not to see if she would recognize the name. Of course, Wendi was all into *NSYNC so she doubted there would be a love connection made.

Just then, she noticed an older man walk into the bar and go sit next to "Angus". She was eyeing him warily when Christa walked over. He looked like what she remembered of John Winchester, but she wasn't one hundred percent certain.

"Hey, girl, glad you decided to come out tonight."

Ryan shrugged. "Got bored sitting at home studying."

"You feeling better?"

At Ryan's quizzical look, Christa said, "You weren't in class yesterday."

Ryan nodded. "Stomach bug. I watched Jack Abruzzi a few nights ago, caught something from him."

"Yuck. You're not contagious now, are you?"

Ryan chuckled. "No, I'm not."

Just then, "Angus" motioned for two beers. Christa rolled her eyes. "He thinks he's God's gift to women." She grinned. "He isn't wrong. Too bad I'm with Chad, or I'd give that Merry-Go-Round a ride."

"God! Christa!" Christa always made her laugh. She gave a little head bob in the direction of the two men. "Who are they, anyway?"

Christa shrugged as she snagged two beers from the cooler behind the bar. "I don't know. Some journalists, I guess, covering Mandy's death. Wasn't that terrible?"

"Yeah, it was." Ryan thought fast as Christa passed her with the two beers balanced on a tray. "Say, would you grab me a wine cooler?"

"I gotta get this order out to those two…"

"Please? I'm dying of thirst."

Christa just looked at her and sat the tray down before ducking back behind the bar. Ryan quickly tipped her flask of holy water into each of the beers and was waiting for the drink when Christa came back. "Thanks."

Christa smiled and then hurried to drop off the beers. Ryan sipped the wine cooler, which, hey, wasn't terrible, if entirely too sweet and dropped some cash on the bar for it before making her way over to the two men. They drank their beers without issue, so she felt safe enough going up to them to talk.

She arrived just in time to see the younger man check his watch. "Library's closed now, Dad. Wanna break in, or wait for morning?"

This was them, she knew it. And now that she was closer, she recognized John Winchester. He had aged, but she remembered the intimidated feeling she felt when he looked at her, even at age eleven. "Excuse me," she said softly. The younger man looked at her, appraising her and that was when she got a really good look at him.

He _was _beautiful. His eyes were the greenest she believed she had ever seen. His hair was a little long for her taste, but he was absolutely gorgeous and she felt a long suppressed desire take hold of her. Men didn't attract her. She had long since given up the notion of being normal enough for sex, but seeing him almost made her want to. That was, until he finished ogling her and gave her a killer smile.

"Hey, sweetheart. Want a drink?"

And just like that, he was just like every other man she'd ever met. She rolled her eyes and ignored him as she turned to John. "Are you John Winchester?"

Both men sat up a little straighter, suspicious, she was certain. "Who wants to know?" John asked guardedly.

Her eyes widened for a moment. _It is him. He really came! _She gasped. "It _is _you!" And before either of the men could react, she had thrown her arms around John. "I knew I would eventually see you again." _Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming! _

"I'm sorry, princess, who are you?" the younger man questioned, caution written all over his face.

She turned back to him and smiled. She should have realized she had seen eyes that green only once before in her life. "Dean? You're definitely Dean. Where is Sam? Is he here?" She hoped nothing had happened to him. If they were hunters, that meant they were into some dangerous work.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweetheart, back the truck up. Who are you and how do you know us?" Dean demanded gruffly.

She shook her head and sighed. _They've probably saved a million people since you, Ry. Why would they remember you? _But she remembered Dean. He was the first and only kiss she'd ever had. When she'd tried things with Tom, she wouldn't let him kiss her. She wasn't sure why. Her mind traveled back to the time she was normal, before the attack. Dean was the first boy to stir longing in her, even as a kid, to want to know what it felt like to be a grown-up behind closed bedroom doors. But, of course, he wouldn't remember her. And looking as pretty as he did, she felt sure he had been with his fair share of women in the ten years since they'd met. "Maybe you don't remember me. I'm sure you go around saving people all the time. I'm Ryan. Ryan Fawcett."

Dean looked as if he had taken a swig of gasoline. "Wh-what?"

She smiled and pulled a chair up to their table. "Ryan. Fawcett. You saved my life? Excised a demon from me. We were eleven. Any of this sounding familiar?"

Dean blinked. "O-of course I remember. I just…wow."

She looked over at John and smiled. "Is he always this verbose?"

John chuckled under his breath. "What can we do for you, Ryan?"

She didn't want to give it away yet that she was the one who called him. "Well, I assume you're here because of the ghost?"

John nodded. "What do you know of it?"

She bit her lip and looked around. Of course there were the hippies that thought ghosts were real or cool or whatever, but she didn't want any of them to think she believed in them, especially since they faked their way through séances and shit. She knew séances were real and she had no desire to go to one. "Not here. Come back with me to my place. We can talk in private." The words were out of her mouth before she realized it, but she couldn't take it back now, so she stood and waited for them to follow her outside.

She led the way out the door and went to prop herself against Demon. Dean let out a low whistle. "Damn. She's a beauty."

She knew the car was a piece of artistry but she let out a snort. "Even though she's a Ford?" she questioned with a grin. People were either Chevy people, or Ford people, she'd noticed. Personally, if it was a sexy car, like Demon, or the Winchester's Impala which she noticed was parked two cars down from her own, she drooled. Always had, always would. Her grandfather had taught her to appreciate beautiful, classic ladies like these cars. He'd never had the money to fix the car up, but he'd loved it just the same.

"Hey, you said it, not me."

She laughed, surprised he could get any kind of a reaction out of her. She didn't usually make small talk with men, though she was getting a bit better at it. She had forced herself when she enrolled in college, to try and be as normal as possible. She had, not friends, but acquaintances, like Christa, and Christa's boyfriend, Chad, plus a handful of others she studied with and such. "Yeah, well, she's not an Impala, I guess," she commented as she watched John walk over to their car.

"She yours?"

She nodded as she fingered the glossy paint job. It was perfect, she had to admit; the guy knew what he was talking about when he talked her out of painting it red. The black looked excellent on Demon. She was a gorgeous piece of machinery. "She was my grandfather's. He never had the money to fix her up and Daddy never had the inclination to sell her, so now she's mine."

Dean lightly fingered the shiny black paint as well. "Well, she's gorgeous."

She smiled. Her mom always said a way to a man's heart was through his stomach, but she had the feeling the way to Dean's was through cars. "Thanks. You wanna follow me? My apartment isn't far."

"Sure, Ryan," John told her. "Just lead the way."

She shot them both a smile and slipped behind the wheel. She cranked it and "Let Me Put My Love Into You" blasted out of it before she shut her door. _Ahhh, yeah, I forgot how much I love that song, _she thought with another smile. She waited while she watched them get into their car, then she tore out of the parking lot.

She marveled at the fact she wasn't nervous about taking these two men back to her apartment. She wasn't sure why…after all, she had rules. No one was allowed into her apartment. Ever. Not even her so called friends. They always studied at the library or at someone else's place. But these two, she felt completely comfortable with as she led them to her building.

She slid into her parking space and cut the engine. She propped her door open before she realized she hadn't forgotten to take in one of her books. Singing under her breath, she shoved the book into her backpack, zipped it up quickly, and turned to get out.

She gasped when she looked up and suddenly, Dean was standing _right there _at her door. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he muttered.

She took a few deep, cleansing breaths before she shook her head. "No damage done, you just shocked me. You move like a ninja."

He grinned. "And you didn't hear me because of your selection of music." He paused. "Nice tunes, by the way," he offered.

She shot him a wry smile. _Well, I did pick them because of you. _"I figured you would enjoy that, _Mr. Young._"

"Damn it, Dean," his father groused from behind him and Dean winced. "Can you quit with the rock aliases?"

Dean smiled and shrugged as he turned to his father. "Come on, Dad. It was some chick that I was talking to earlier. She looked like you had to pump her head with air for her to have a thought. No way she even knew _who _the hell Angus Young was."

It looked as though Dean was on his way to a full-out ass chewing, and from the look on Dean's face, she gathered Mr. Winchester did that quite frequently. For some reason, she felt the need to defend Dean. "He's right, Mr. Winchester," Ryan stated softly. Besides, Wendi really was an air head. Both men turned to her and she chuckled. "Wendi is more of an *NSYNC fan, so, I'm sure she wouldn't know good music if it fell on her and started to wiggle."

Both men chortled at that. "Don't tell me you like those hacks," Dean began.

They weren't the worst singers she'd ever heard in her life, but she had the feeling Dean wouldn't appreciate that. So she looked at him and said, "Nah, I'm more of a Backstreet girl."

His mouth fell open in surprise and she laughed as she laid a hand on his arm. She kind of enjoyed torturing him. She didn't know when she'd ever laughed this easily. "I'm kidding! I like music with soul. Not this crap you can't even appreciate." That much was true. It bugged her how everything had to be pulled through machines before it was extruded as music. "It's all fake now, just like cars. Plastic and cheap metal. What ever happened to the good shit, you know?"

"Exactly!" Dean crowed as she led them to her apartment door. "I mean, it's all these synthesizers and voice edits and don't even get me started on what a joke these fake musicians are."

She nodded as she unlocked three deadbolts and led the way into her place. "I know. I mean, seriously, they can't even play any musical instruments!"

She turned to wait for his continued comments, but instead, she saw Dean looked down and grin at the salt lining the door as he stepped into and out of the devil's trap she'd lain there. His eyes lifted to hers. "Want us to drink holy water?" he questioned.

She smirked, glad to see she was doing some things right if he was commenting on them. "You already did. I spiked your beers when Christa wasn't looking. Had to make sure you were you before I walked over. I didn't recognize you. Ten years made you grow up, Winchester. But your dad, he hasn't changed a bit."

"Nice place you've got, Ryan. Secure," Mr. Winchester commented as he, too, stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

"Yeah, well, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Tangling with demons once in my life was once too many."

She noticed Dean winced but she was past caring what people thought about her. She was matter-of-fact about her last demon tangling. She'd had to figure out her own way of how to handle it. One of the ways she coped was to not lie about it, to herself, or really, in a round about way, to others.

"So," Dean was saying, "You know about how to protect yourself. What else have you learned?"

"I figured out you are hunters, well, Mr. Winchester, you are. I naturally assumed you were, too, Dean. But where is Sammy?"

"He's finishing up this year of high school. So he's with a friend," John answered.

She nodded. "Good. I'm glad he's…alive."

Dean chuckled flatly at that. "Yeah, alive is always good, isn't it?"

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment before she walked to the small kitchen area and grabbed two more beers from the fridge. "Here, since you didn't finish yours." She snagged a bottle of water and took a sip before she began, "So, I've done some research, and I think I know who and what this is. But, since I'm not a hunter, I thought I'd better let you handle it. I'm the one that called you, Mr. Winchester."

"John," he stated absently. "But it's good you called me. You don't need to get hurt, Ryan," he told her.

She shrugged. "Too late for that. I'm the ghost's type. I'm just waiting for it to come get me."

"What?!" Dean exclaimed. "Are you serious? Why didn't you lead with that, damn it?"

She just looked at him. What was his deal? Getting all upset about it never helped anyone. "What difference does that make? You're here, I'm here, I've got research done, it ends up being the same thing. Hell, use me for bait if you want, I don't care."

"Why?" Dean demanded.

She shrugged once more. If her dying meant killing this thing so it didn't hurt anyone else, she was game. "Nothing. Never mind. Let me show you what I have…"

She spent the next hour going over what she had found and, in turn, they told her about how to truly end a vengeful spirit. It made so much sense, to salt and burn the bones. She was glad she had them to tell her. Maybe if next time this happened, she could figure it out and handle it herself. Not that she would go looking for it…or maybe she would.

"So…how do we know who it is?" she asked. That was what had her stumped. She glanced at all the papers spread out across her kitchen table. "Michael Jeffries had a beef with a woman who cheated on him with his best friend, killed her and her twin sister for grins and giggles. And then Richard Monroe killed a woman for basically the same thing, also slashing up his secretary just because he felt like it. All the women were brunettes. Once a decade, two brunettes are killed. The cops haven't made a connection because the last two deaths were ten years ago. The only reason I made the connection at all is because of the woman murdered two nights ago. We've got until tomorrow night to figure out who it is, or I'm next."

"Why you?" Dean asked.

She snagged his beer without thinking and took a sip, wincing slightly. "God, this sucks. I've got Jack Daniels. Who wants whiskey?" At their looks, she smirked and turned to get the booze all the while having a mental nervous breakdown. _Did you just drink his beer? Did you just willingly swap spit with the man? _She was mortified. _What is your damage, Ryan? Why is he throwing you off your game so badly? _She reached up into a cabinet and pulled down the bottle. _Calm yourself, woman! _she chided softly_. So, you're acting more comfortable around him than you have any man, including your own father, in ten years. No big deal. Right? God, maybe I'm having a manic break. I knew I should have stayed in therapy. But what the fuck? How the hell was it going to help me when the therapists don't believe demons exist?! I do _not _want to go back to the nuthouse. _Twice had been enough for her.

She took in a calming breath and poured some liquor into three coffee mugs and quickly drank one down. "Who knows?" she finally answered Dean as she turned back to them and handed them their mugs. "Maybe because I remind him of his honey. Maybe because I'm living alone…"

"But, you don't have a boyfriend, do you? Much less two? That doesn't fit the profile."

She shot Dean a look and held in the sigh. _Of course he noticed you're weird, Ryan. What about you screams normal, anyway? You were fucked over by three demons as a child. Normal is so far opposite of you, your picture is in the dictionary under _Abnormal! But to him, she simply said, "Thanks for noticing I'm a social pariah, Winchester. That's not what I meant."

She pulled out the pictures of all the victims she had found and printed out. "Look at these women, then look at me. We. Look. Identical. And the other girl, Mandy, that was killed? She and I look so much alike, even our friends confuse us, and have, more than once. Of course, then she opened her mouth and people realized she was a dumbass, and I'm brilliant, but, hey, it's outside packaging."

Dean chuckled and John stated, "So, he's basing it on looks, not anything else."

She nodded. "Exactly."

"Well, that's it, isn't it?" Dean's tone was excited, causing the other two to look at him. "It's got to be Jeffries. He killed his wife and her twin. So, if it's based on looks, it's got to be him."

John shut the book he was looking at with a snap. "Exactly. I'll go break into the library, see if I can find out where he's buried. Dean, you stay with her," he added as he stood.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"Why?" Ryan wanted to know in chorus with Dean as she eyed him with trepidation. It was one thing to be shut up in her apartment with both men. She knew John was a decent man. She felt it. He was a good guy. Dean…he was so beautiful, almost like a tiger. He was part predator. She could feel it.

"Because Dean knows how to handle vengeful spirits and you don't, Ryan. Because he's dealt with them before. And because you asked for our help." He turned to the door. "We're going to get a few supplies, Ryan. We'll be right back. Round up all the salt you have and anything iron, too. Dean'll be back in shortly."

She didn't bother letting them know she already had those things gathered. She had the distinct impression John wasn't what one could call a feminist. But, hey, that was alright, too. She watched them leave and then feeling her stomach grumble, decided to make something to eat.

She quickly cleaned off the table, stacking the papers and pictures up neatly. She then sat her backpack on the countertop and opened it so her poker and salt was on hand, just in case. She was just pulling a frozen pizza out of the freezer when Dean walked back in.

"You like pizza?" she asked.

He glanced at her backpack and she noticed the corner of his mouth lifted as he saw the contents. "Yeah, pizza's great."

It took a few minutes for the pizza to cook so she let him do his thing and watched from the corner of her eye as he checked her wards. She couldn't tell if he was impressed by the job she had done to secure herself or not and then she berated herself for caring about his opinion in the first place. She could, however, tell he was on high alert as he came back to sit at the small kitchen table with the gun on the chair beside him.

Her eyebrow rose as she brought the pizza over. "Well, you're certainly making me feel all secure, Dean," she deadpanned.

He chuckled. "Can't be too careful, Ryan." He held up one of the shells. "Salt round. Good for shooting demons or ghosts. It won't make the ghost stay away, but it'll blast their asses apart for a few minutes."

Wow. They really were professionals, weren't they? "Good to know."

They ate in silence for a few moments before the clock chimed. His brow furrowed. "Is that 'Unchained Melody'?"

She smiled. "Yeah. I got the clock at an auction. It's pretty." It was expensive as all hell, too, but she couldn't help herself. It had called to her. It was a gorgeous piece. It shouldn't have been as expensive as it was, but she had to have it. It wasn't anything special, in fact, there were ten of them sold that day, but she loved it. It played a different song each hour.

"You've, uh, got a nice place. It doesn't look like a college student's apartment."

Her eyebrow rose. "You mean what with all the salt lines and devil's traps?"

He chuckled. "No, that part looks like someone who's prepared. I'd feel safe sleeping here."

She nodded. "It's my safe haven."

"Are you scared a lot?"

_Wow, direct, isn't he? At least he's able to carry on a normal conversation with me. _She had wondered if the night would be uncomfortable, but she found it was easy, almost too easy, to talk to him.

He blinked. "What I mean is, I don't often get to talk to people after…all that, you know?"

She paused a moment in thought. She had been scared for so long, and it irritated her she had been scared recently. She didn't want to be. She wanted to be strong and not be a wimpy little girl. She was strong bodily now, thanks to her workouts and Tae Kwon Do and she wanted to remain that way. She shook her head. "No. I'm…I'm not scared. I was, I was terrified for years," she admitted. "But then I started reading and researching demons. And then I found out ways to stay safer." She pulled her necklace out from under her shirt. That, alone, made her feel the safest. She never took it off, not even to shower. "I found this, it's supposed to be an anti-possession sigil."

"It's pretty."

She snorted. It had caused a stir a time or two, as well, when she didn't keep it hidden under her clothes. "One of the really religious girls saw it one day and flipped her shit, thought I was a devil worshiper. Little does she know I'm about as far from devil worship as I can get."

He grinned. "Not a lot of people understand it. And they don't really want to, do they?"

She shook her head. She had come to the realization people, in general, were stupid. "People want to pretend true evil doesn't exist. We know better."

"I'm not sure if that makes us better off or not," he questioned.

She laid her hand on his arm. "I dunno, I'd rather know what's out there, myself. At least if I know what may be laying in wait, I can be prepared. Not being prepared…well, I know it isn't what got me kidnapped, but it just seems like those monsters wouldn't attack if they thought everyone knew about them, you know?" That's what she wished would happen. She wished people would open up their eyes and see what evils she saw, to know what she knew, to understand just how terrible the world really was and change it. But, that's what Dean and his family were doing, right? Being a hunter? It was a noble profession, even if it didn't pay anything.

He laid his hand on top of hers. "I wish we could to back in time and fix it, Ryan. I wish we could just…"

"Don't," she whispered as a tear ran down her face. _You can't, it's done. Don't you think I wish the same thing? _"Don't, Dean. We can't change it and we can't fix it. One of the things my therapists drilled into my head was 'you can't change the past. You can only accept it and move on.' That's what I've done. Accepted it and moved on." Even though she didn't fully believe that, she had to hold out hope that one day, she would. One day she would be normal. One day, she would be exactly who she was supposed to be.

He eyed her thoughtfully a few moments and she squirmed slightly at the close scrutiny, but more than that, she felt a thrill shoot through her. He was a gorgeous man, sitting here next to her and she was completely comfortable. That blew her away. She drank him in just as he did to her.

The spell was broken when he cleared his throat. "So, college girl, what are you going for?"

She shrugged. When she'd decided to go to college, she picked something she could do whenever she figured out what the rest of her life meant. It was a means to an end. She had good grades, though, so that was something. "I'm just going for my MBA. Nothing exciting. I just figured if I went into business, I could do whatever I wanted." She snorted as a thought came to her. "At least I'm not taking Psychology. Although, God knows, with all the therapy I've had, I'm an expert in the field." _Crap! Don't over share, Ryan!_

He chuckled. "Do you do that a lot?"

_Too late. _"What? Self depreciating humor?" She grinned. _Might as well own up to it. _"It's my best coping mechanism."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

They were both quiet a moment and she reveled in the peace being with him had brought her tonight. She loved everything about this, sitting here, eating dinner with him, touching him…wait. Touching him? He was still holding her hand. She pulled it away quickly, startled. She looked away then glanced back at him. He didn't seem upset she had snatched her hand away from him. That was…good. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, And wasn't that more than a little confusing?

Finally, he broke the silence, "How's your dad? I bet he's really proud of you being in college."

She had known eventually he would ask about him. She wiped her mouth and stated solemnly, "He died. About three years ago."

"I'm sorry," he told her softly.

She took in a breath. His death hadn't been as hard as she thought it should be. She had become detached from everyone as she recovered from her ordeal with the demons, causing a strain on their relationship. She hadn't really let her father in for years. She knew there was something wrong with her, but she didn't know how to fix it. Of course, he hadn't recovered from her mother's death, either. She had never told him it was demons. Even at eleven years old, she knew it sounded crazy.

"Yeah, heart attack," she said finally. "No one was expecting it. After…after Mom died, it was hard, you know? I mean, your wife's killed, your daughter's crazy, people talked." She didn't look at him as the words came spilling out of her mouth. "We moved to another town. Once I was high-school age, I did all my schooling through a correspondence course he found. Anything practical he found me a tutor for. I…I wasn't ready to be around teenagers. I couldn't cope and they couldn't handle having a freak in their classes, so I just…faded away." She sucked in a breath. "When Dad died, it…freed me in a way. He was my crutch. Once he wasn't here to keep me tethered, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself." _Understatement of the century, Ryan. _She didn't like reflecting on that time of her life, so she shrugged. "I went a little wild, then, I decided to make something of my life." He didn't need to know about the struggles day-to-day, about how she longed for it all to just be over. How she had cried herself to sleep, praying something would kill her in the night up until that day of clarity, when she came off her meds.

"That's good," Dean offered, clearly uncomfortable.

She sighed. _He doesn't want to know your sob story, Ry. Just suck it up and deal._ She couldn't believe she had told him all she had. No one, not even her therapists, got this much information out of her, yet all he had to do was give her puppy dog eyes the color of grass and she was baring her soul to him. It made her uncomfortable, to let him this close. Not physically, although, his proximity to her was sending off alarm bells in her head, but the emotional connection. It wasn't…normal for her and it scared her to her toes."Are we in for the night? I think I might shower and get comfy."

He nodded. "Yeah, Dad will call me when it's done, so you're good."

She put her hand on his arm one more time. For some reason, she couldn't stoptouch this man. "Thanks, Dean. Really." She meant it. Maybe she did need to start bearing her soul more often. It was cathartic. She felt a peace she hadn't in ages.

He smiled. "My pleasure."

She stood and walked away, hurriedly gathering her night clothes from her bedroom before she shut herself in the bathroom. Nothing relaxed her like a steaming hot shower. She was wound tight, too tight, like a pocket watch that might break from a child playing with it. She had a pretty good idea why, too. Of course, a figurative noose around her neck was making her uptight, but she had the distinct impression it was Dean that was the cause of her discomfort, oddly enough, because she _was _so comfortable around him. She couldn't believe she had touched his arm. He had held her hand! She had smiled at him and looked him in the eye through most of dinner. She hadn't felt this comfortable around a man, well, since him, when she was eleven years old, sitting out on their back deck, teaching him how to play poker. It was sweet and innocent, just like that night had been.

When she emerged from the shower, wet hair hanging limply down her back, he was sitting on the sofa watching TV. She walked over and sat with him on the couch, since that was the only piece of furniture in the room. He turned to her and she noticed was trying, and failing, to not look at her. It should have made her uncomfortable to realize he was blatantly staring at her chest, but instead, she felt a warm sensation flooding though her. Desire. It was desire she felt. How odd.

Just then, his hand snaked out in a flash, grabbing her arm. "What did you do?!"

She blinked and pulled away from him, more than a little frightened. "What?"

He grabbed her arm again, none too gently, and flipped it over, thumbing the rope of a scar going down the length of it. She cringed as he inspected her other arm, revealing its twin. "What the fuck did you do?"

She shoved him away and stood. Of course. She had forgotten to slip on a long-sleeved shirt. She always got the third degree when people saw her scars. "It's none of your fucking business, Dean."

"I didn't save your life just for you to kill yourself, Ryan!" he bellowed as he stood as well.

"It is none of your business, Dean!" she screamed again. Geez, didn't he realize what she did with her life was just that? _Her _life?

"I'm fucked up, okay?" she admitted quietly, but then the anger built. "And I have been! Ever since I was eleven! Do you think you did me any favors? Left me with memories of killing my mother? Left me with memories of what those-those things _did _to me? Monsters are real and everyone thought I was batshit crazy! I was on every single medication under the sun for _years_ before I finally had enough of it!"

Her voice grew softer and her voice caught as she tried and failed to reign in the tears. "I had enough of it. The memories, the pain, the anger, the hurt, the…" She sucked in a hiccough. "Look, I don't expect you to understand. I'm…I'm broken, Dean. I'm a disabled unit. I can't have kids. I can't even stand for a man to be near me, to…touch me even in the most innocent of ways, let alone be intimate. I thought, maybe, once…" She paused, trying not to shiver as she remembered that night, just a month after her nineteenth birthday, the haze of confusion, the attempted kisses, the fright, the hands pawing her, the screams and shouts…

"I got doped up, high as a kite on a combination of God only knows what and Ecstasy and thought maybe I could…" she stopped as she remembered. Poor Tom. She hadn't meant to freak out on him. He was nice, sweet even. He was an innocent casualty in her spiral of fucked-up crazy. "He was hovering over me and I just couldn't deal." She remembered hooking her legs under his stomach, pushing him off of her, onto the floor, screaming, kicking, all but beating him to death before she was physically pulled off of him.

"I hurt him, broke his arm and three of his ribs before I'd realized it…" She closed her eyes and shook her head. She had been off the meds, her father dead, what harm was it to try something recreational? So, when Tom had taken her hand and led her up the stairs to his room, she hadn't thought anything about it. She had wondered how she'd even gotten invited to the party in the first place, wondered why she went, but she had. Now she had a rap sheet. The Mayor hadn't taken it well when his son had been beaten half to death by a hundred and ten pound crazy girl.

When she opened her eyes, she stared right at the man standing before her. He looked so hurt for her and she hated seeing the pity in his eyes. "I'm ruined, Dean. So, I tried to end it. Sue me."

"You didn't die," he stated dumbly.

She snorted. "No, no I didn't die. I almost did. The doctors..." She shook her head as she remembered words like _miracle, _and _amazing,_ and the phrase that caused the biggest eye roll of all; _angels must be watching over you_. "One of the nurses," _the only nurse not scared of me, that is, _"said I must have a guardian angel watching over me." She had always wondered if maybe that nurse _knew _the truth. If she believed her when Ryan talked about the demons that attacked her. Not that it mattered. The whole thing pissed her off. _Angels must be watching over you, _the nurse had said. "To which I call bullshit," she finished. "If I did, none of that stuff in that barn, or what followed, would have happened. But it did. And now I'm a shell of a person, alive, but not living."

"You said you were fine…" he started.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, you know what F.I.N.E. stands for, right?" she snarled. "Fucked up. Insecure. Neurotic. And Emotional. I'd say that sums me up nicely."

They stood there, faced off, breathing hard, when his cell rang. "What?!" he ground out as his eyes bore into hers. He must have been listening to someone on the other end because then he blinked, then asked, "Did he put up a fight?"

Everything must have went well and the ghost was gone. She turned and started pacing by the window and he continued, "Yes, sir. Thank you. I'll…I'll find a way."

_Good. He'll be leaving soon. You can hold it together a few more minutes before you break down and cry like the little girl you are, _she thought as she stopped and stared down into the night. It looked so peaceful out there.

"Don't worry about it, Dad. See you later." He snapped the phone shut, and to Ryan, said, "He salted and burned the bones. You should be fine now."

"Thanks," she bit out.

He walked to her and stood, just touching her, behind her. She could feel the heat radiating from him. She knew it should bother her, knew she should be scared, but she wasn't. This man didn't frighten her. He turned her on, he drove her crazy, he…

"Look," he started softly, "I've thought about you every day since that night. I'm sorry I failed."

She spun around and slapped him in the face. "Fuck you, Dean. What those monsters did, it wasn't on you. It wasn't on your father. It was them. _They _chose to take me. _They _did those awful things. _It _chose to-to possess me. That's fine, I accept that. And you…you saved my life. I…I may not fully appreciate that fact, but one day I will. So, I'm sorry. I don't expect you to understand what it's like for me."

She turned back around to look at the inky night, baring her soul to him without a thought. "I'm terrified, but at the same time, nothing scares me. I walk alone every night, just listening to the quiet. Half the time I'm praying something _will _try to kill me, and honestly, half of me hopes it does. I want to be normal so badly, but I know I never will be. And maybe one day, that will be okay, too."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. She wanted to tense up, but for some reason, her body relaxed at his touch and she leaned into him as her eyes fell shut. "You lived for a reason, Ryan. Twice." _Three times, _she wanted to correct him, but she didn't. The demon. The pills. The wrists, or rather, arms, she'd slashed. Three times she had tempted fate, and three times she had returned to the land of the living. He was right. It was just as she suspected. Something wanted her alive. "Now, I don't believe in angels and fate and all that crap, but I do believe there is something out there bigger than us. And maybe, just maybe, it wants you alive for some reason. For some great purpose."

"What does it want you for?" she questioned softly as she kept her eyes closed, reveling in the sensation of being in his arms. She could have slept there, he relaxed her so.

He chuckled. "Well, to save people, to kill things that go bump in the night, to be the man every woman dreams of…"

They shared a laugh and she leaned into him further, almost melting from the heat of him as it warmed her from the inside out. "You know, this is the closest I've ever let a man near. For a while there, I couldn't even stand for my father to hug me. Why is it I'm so comfortable around you?"

He turned her then and she lifted her lashes looked into his gorgeous eyes. They spoke volumes to her and she almost gasped at what she saw there. Desire, pure and unadulterated longing for her. For _her_. He wanted her, as damaged as she was. It sent a thrill running through her. No fear, not yet, just that longing pooling in her stomach. "I saved your life, Ryan. I would never hurt you. I saved you. I'll save you a million times if I need to."

She wasn't sure what made her do it, but she stood on tip-toe and touched her lips to his. He tightened his grip on her ever so slightly as he deepened the kiss. She whimpered as the feelings swept over her. Yes, this is what it was supposed to be. These were the things she was supposed to be feeling. She was supposed to let this man touch her, taste her, care for her…

He pulled away just slightly and she opened her eyes to look into those emerald pools of his. "Let me show you, Ryan. I swear I won't hurt you. Let me show you how good it can be."

She took in an unsteady breath through her nose and shook her head, panic setting in. She couldn't…she couldn't let him do _that _with her, could she?

Dean removed his hands from around her and held them both up in a truce. "Look, I may not know much, but I know a little bit about a lot of things, and one thing I'm damn fine at is making women feel good. I swear I just want you to see what you're missing. I promise to make it good for you."

He couldn't possibly want to… "Dean…" Why would he even _want _to be with someone as broken as her?

"You can say 'no' at any time and I swear I'll stop. Hell, we can play poker all night if you want." At that, she smiled, remembering their first night together, the innocence of it. "Please? I just…I don't know, Ryan, I feel like I need to do this for you."

She swallowed hard and shook her head again. There was no way she could ever possibly have sex with anyone. Surely, she had gotten herself off before, frequently in fact. The first time was just to make sure she wasn't completely broken in that aspect. The knife the demon used hadn't slashed through all of her nerve endings. It had destroyed a lot, but she remained sensitive and able to feel pleasure. That was a relief to find out. After that first experimental probing, she found she liked it. It was normal. It was natural. She was a woman, after all. She did have those needs, those feelings, but she couldn't let _him _do those things with her.

"Please?" he implored softly.

The question of why was on the tip of her tongue. "Dean…" her voice caught in her throat. Instead of asking why, her brain was now asking why not? Why not let him show her how good it could be? She trusted him. And he swore he would stop. But what if…? _No, don't be a chicken, Ryan. Dean wants this, he wants to help you. He's saved your life twice now. Let him do this. Let him help you, damn it. _Finally, she nodded. "Okay."

He gave her a small smile and held out a hand for her. She took it warily and he led her into her bedroom, stopping at the foot of her bed. She licked her lips nervously. "N-now what?"

He smiled. "Now, you empty that pretty little head of yours and concentrate on the moment." His hands slowly ran up her arms and rested on her shoulders. "I'll go slow," he promised.

She just nodded and resisted the urge to run.

"Do you…have you touched yourself?"

She smiled despite herself. "You seriously just asked me if I masturbate?"

He chuckled nervously. "Uh…yes?"

Her grin grew and some of the tension broke. "Yes, I have and yes, I do."

He nodded. "Okay. Show me."

"What?! I'm not going to…" she was cut off as he pulled her to him and kissed her lips once more. The kiss grew heated and she felt his tongue gently asking entrance, which she granted and she greedily suckled it, reveling in the taste of him.

"Ryan," he purred when he broke away, panting slightly, "I asked you to show me."

"How?"

"Make yourself comfortable. I'll just be right here."

Her eyebrow rose, but she nodded slightly before slipping her pants down, letting them pool at her feet. Thankfully she had worn just some plain white panties. She would have died if he had seen her penguin Popsicle ones.

He smiled that smile again and she felt her heart stutter. _Okay, you can do this, _she thought as she slid onto the bed. "Are-are you sure this is what I should be doing?"

He shrugged as he slid out of his denim shirt. "This is new for me, too, Ryan."

At her exasperated look, he blushed. "Well, not the sex thing, I haven't been a virgin in a long time, sweetheart." His look was almost ashamed. "But I figured if you forgot I was here, maybe you could relax, then I could just, you know, take over."

"Like I can forget you're here with your sex smile and your perfect body and your great hair," she muttered, earning a genuine grin from him.

"Sex smile?" he questioned. She shot him a look, causing his grin to turn teasing. "Oh, I'm using that one as blackmail, Ry," he threw out as he slipped his tee shirt off. She tensed despite herself and he held up both hands again. "Look. I'm still mostly dressed, okay? I'm just…getting comfortable."

Her mouth dried out as she took in the perfect form of him. He was absolutely the most gorgeous man on the face of the planet. She would dare anyone to find someone more attractive than him. Why on God's green earth would he want to be with her? He could go out and have any woman he wanted on the whole damn campus. Why her?

"Stop thinking," he commanded softly.

She nodded uncertainly and slipped her tank off over her head, showing him she hadn't worn a bra.

"Wow. That's hot," he muttered, causing her to look at him again. "Sorry," he whispered. "I'm not here."

She shook her head and closed her eyes, willing her racing heart to calm, ignoring him as she reached over to her drawer where her little fingertip vibrator was waiting. She slipped it on her finger, got a dollop of lube, then slipped her hand inside her underwear. She heard him moving about the room, but she concentrated on herself, keeping her eyes closed as she let the sensations lull her. Music came on, light and soft, and entirely too girly for what she figured he would be into, but she appreciated the gesture.

"I like classic rock," she muttered as she made another decision and slid her underwear down her legs. She knew she had an attractive body, save for the numerous scars that adorned her body, from the ones on her arms, to the ones on her legs from her cutting, to the ones on her lower abdomen; one from his knife, and the other from the surgery that removed her uterus. She hadn't been old enough to realize what the organ did at the time, but she mourned its loss as she grew older, hating the scar every time she looked in the mirror.

But now, she didn't concentrate on that, instead, focused on that little vibration that was beginning to start things stirring as she huffed out a breath. She heard the radio dial moving and "Black Velvet" came on. "Oh, God, yes," she muttered. "That song always gets me hot," she confessed before biting her lip at the declaration.

She felt the bed dip and she tensed up once again, but he didn't touch her, not yet. She heard a chuckle and a voice, close, whispered, "Me too. And now, I will always associate it with you. Thanks for that," he breathed, his hot breath fanning across her skin. "Now I'll get a fucking woody every time it comes on the radio."

She whimpered at his admission but kept her eyes closed as she began moving the vibrator, feeling its buzz on her clit, causing her to moan slightly. As she began moving it, she felt his hands traveling over her, but at this point, she wasn't startled, in fact, she reveled in his touch as he gently began feather light explorations of her skin. His hands were firm, slightly calloused, dry, but not rough, never rough. She could smell him, the masculine scent of him surrounding her, taking her senses higher, to places she hadn't been before. When his mouth slowly closed over her nipple, her eyes shot open and she looked at him, brown eyes piercing green as his other hand continued its discovery of her body.

"You're so gorgeous," he muttered as his hand traveled down, down, down, to hover above hers as she continued to work herself over. "May I?" he asked and she nodded.

He slipped one finger inside, then another, stretching her gently as her hips began to rock. Her cries and moans grew louder as he helped her find her way to the precipice and his lips captured hers as she fell over the edge.

"Was that okay?" he inquired gently as he pulled away slightly.

She smiled feeling more relaxed than she had in her entire life. "That was perfect."

"Can…may I take this to the next level?"

It was then she noticed he was completely naked and she could easily see the strain this was on him.

She swallowed hard as she looked at him. She, of course, knew the anatomy of sex. She had watched a handful of porno movies, but this…this was new territory and the fear came back, just slightly. "I…uh…"

He smiled and kissed her lips once more. "Tell ya what, let's let you do something this time."

"What was I doing earlier? Taking a Sunday stroll?"

He chortled. "I can honestly say I've not enjoyed sex this much before. You're fun, Ryan."

"Thanks?" she offered.

He moved their hands, which were still hovering near her core and he kissed her as he slipped the vibrator off of her fingertip, tossing it to the table where it buzzed until it fell to the floor. "Let's switch places. I'll be on the bottom, you take control. Do what feels right."

"Are you sure?" He seemed like the type that liked to be in control of things in this department.

"Abso-friggin-lutely," he muttered as he lay down. "Come here, woman," he demanded gently.

She smiled as she aligned her body with his, laying on top of him. She could feel the hardness of him and it scared her just slightly. "Now what?" she asked.

He smiled and ran his hands gently over her body, massaging her neck, back, and buttocks soothingly. "Now, just do whatever feels right."

She blinked once, twice, swallowed hard, and slowly let her legs fall to either side of him. She felt him there, just there, teasing her already sensitive flesh and she gasped. "Oh, God," she muttered.

He didn't move as she rocked slowly, still not ready to give him entrance. "You know," she whispered as she felt him rubbing her. "You're wrong. You are the beautiful one," she muttered as she bent to kiss his chest.

"Ryan, God help me, you're amazing."

"I'm not doing anything," she stated uncertainly.

He grinned. "No, but you're still amazing to let me this close."

She bit her lip and maneuvered her hips slightly and she felt it then, felt him, and she rocked, hard, until he was seated inside her.

They let out joint groans of pleasure as she began moving. "I…am I doing this right?" she asked.

"Honey, there's no wrong way to do it and if anyone tells you otherwise then they're full of shit."

She grinned down at him. "Well then, okay."

He smiled back up at her and pulled her down to kiss her lips. "You're amazing," he stated once more.

She continued to move until she felt the quickening begin again and he held her hips as she rode out the sensations before she weakly slid down to his chest. That had been…she couldn't think of an adjective at the moment. Incredible barely covered it.

"Can we try it the other way now?" he inquired gently.

She lifted her head and nodded uncertainly and he rolled them so he was on top. "I'll stop if you want…"

She shook her head and grasped his face with both of her hands. His eyes were almost shining as he looked down at her. He was beautiful, inside and out, and in a moment like this, as they were connected, she felt she could almost see his soul and it was stunningly beautiful. "No, this…this is perfect."

He smiled once again as he began moving faster, gaining momentum until she felt the thrill racing towards her one more time and she held her breath as the sensations washed over her and stars burst behind her eyes.

She was boneless as he moved away to turn onto his back once more, bringing her flush against him. He kissed her forehead and she laid her head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic thumping of his heart.

"Thank you," she managed as she kissed the skin she could reach. "Thank you so much, Dean."

"Believe me. The pleasure was all mine."

The sun was rising when she woke and looked at him. His gaze caught hers as she smiled. "Good morning."

"Hey," he managed, his voice gravelly from sleep. "Sleep well?"

"Like the dead," she responded. _I did it. I had sex. Great sex. Of course, why should I be surprised that he could do that well, too? Can't he do everything well? _She felt sure he could. She bit her lip and then kissed his, tenderly. "Thank you," she told him again.

He pulled her to him once and kissed her forehead, each cheek, then finally, her mouth. "Thank you for letting me, for being strong enough for me to show you how good it could be."

She giggled and threw herself onto her back, stretching languidly. She was a new person today. She felt it. It wasn't just the sex, although, that was, she felt sure, the best she would probably ever have. No other man could possibly treat her as gently and as treasured as he did last night. But she felt a new hope dawning, brightening her life like the sun rising over the ocean at daybreak. "I'm pretty damn sure it's you I should be thanking. My God…you're a professional, Dean. I'm fairly certain you could get a masters degree in sex."

He chuckled shyly and she enjoyed seeing the blush darken the apples of his cheeks as he turned to face her fully. "Yeah, well…" Suddenly, a mischievous grin lit his features. "If you think I'm good at that, you should see what I can do with my tongue."

_Fuck, _she thought with a whimper. Yeah, she'd read about cunnilingus. She had no doubts about his talents in that area, either.

He moved over her and she felt the thrill go through her, but then he glanced at the clock and winced.

She sighed and smiled. _And it's over…_"You've got to go."

He hung his head and his forehead touched hers. She closed her eyes and reveled in the sensation of him there, over her, his head resting on hers. She was going to miss it already.

"Yeah, Dad'll be up soon and probably ready to go since your spook is gone."

She nodded in understanding. She knew this wasn't a forever sort of thing. She wasn't in a position to handle it even if it was. "Okay."

Still he didn't move from on top of her. His weight was a comfort. Their eyes met. "I, uh, probably ought to call Dad…let him know to come get me."

She smirked, just a little. He was cute as fuck when he was flustered.

"Look, it's not, like, the walk of shame or anything."

Her smirk grew. She had the distinct impression Dean slept with a lot of girls, and regretted none of them. It didn't bother her in the least. A bumbling virgin wouldn't have known how to treat her last night, anyway. She needed someone with the experience to know how to help her best.

He cleared his throat.

She laughed at his obvious discomfort and kissed his lips, resisting the urge to wrap her legs around his waist and not let him leave. She could hold him ransom, couldn't she? John would understand. Dean needed a day to just chill, didn't he? But still…she knew he had to leave. So she kept up the teasing as she asked, "Would you like to borrow my phone?"

"No. I'll, uh, I'll call him." He cleared his throat again and asked, "Mind if I use your shower?"

She shook her head. "Be my guest."

He stood and strode clad in his underwear to gather his clothes before hitting the bathroom. She wondered when he'd slid them back on and realized he must have done it purely for her benefit. She felt her heart stumble a bit at the thought. He was one of the kindest men she'd ever met. She would be sorry to see him go, but this was right. He had a job to do. But that didn't mean it had to be a forever kind of goodbye. She stood and blushed slightly at the sight of all the clothes strewn about the room, his and hers alike. Though he'd picked up his tee and his jeans, there were still two shirts of his and her pajamas lying about. She dressed in the pajamas again and quickly wrote down her number on a piece of paper. It would be up to him to call her if he wanted to.

When he emerged from the bathroom she was sitting on the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs with her head on her knees.

She watched him slide first one shirt on and then the other. "So…" he began.

"So…" she started at the same time. They both laughed. She uncurled herself and stood. "Look, Dean, thanks. For everything."

"You gonna be okay?"

She took in a deep breath, blew it out, and smiled. "Yeah, I think I might be. Won't be long and I'll be graduating, then off into the real world. Whatever that means."

He laughed. "Well, good. You're smart. Stay smart. And stay away from things that go bump in the night."

She snorted and shook her head. She wasn't going to do that. She knew it. Maybe she needed to try this hunting thing. She knew all about the big bad nasties of the world. Maybe she could make a difference just like Dean and his family did. But to him, she said, "I'll try."

She fiddled with the piece of paper that held her number before she sucked up the courage and handed it to him. "Here's my number. Just…if you ever need a friend, Dean, call me, kay?"

He took the paper from her and nodded. "Yeah. I will." He snagged a sticky note off her desk and wrote down his own. "Here's mine. You ever think about ending it again, you call me, understand?"

She wasn't sure she would call him, even if the depression got bad again, but she appreciated the gesture. She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good." He leaned over and kissed her lips once more. "I'll see you around, shortcake."

She smiled at the nickname. She was average height for a normal person. He was just exceptionally tall. "Sounds good, Winchester."

He turned and walked out of her life. She fingered the sticky note in her hand. _I won't need to call you, Dean. You helped with healing me, though I'm not finished, yet. Now I'll go make a difference in the world._

* * *

**AN2: Soooo…hopefully you liked it. I love Ryan. I can't help it. She's quickly become one of my favorite OC's. Until next time, when we travel back to New Orleans. Gotta gank a few witches and spend a little more time with Dean and Ryan…and find out WHY Ryan ditched him the next morning! **

**Until next week, my lovelies…**


	10. Life in the Fast Lane

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Supernatural. If I DID own it, I would be in Dallas at the con right now talking with Jared and Jensen instead of not getting paid to write about them. *sigh***

**AN: Wow, guys! Fifteen followers and nineteen reviews! Thank you so much! This is Ryan's point of view of chapter three. This is where things get...sticky. I hope you all are holding on, because the ride is about to get VERY interesting. And if it's not your thing, hey, that's cool too. But if you've stuck with me this long, you were bound to realize something weird, nay, SUPERNATURAL was going on. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**FIVE YEARS LATER** (Ryan's POV of Chapter Three)

Ryan scrubbed her hands over her face. God help her, she couldn't stand the thought of witches. Harry Potter's world, they were not. Sure, she could see the benefit of spells, and had met a hunter or two that used them, but as a whole, witches were bad fucking news.

She blew out a breath and headed back to her motel. She was no closer to finding this coven than she was two days ago. So far she had talked to three different tourists that had been hit by these witches. It was petty, but at the same time, malicious. And the cruel undertones were getting worse. There were now also two fatalities she could link back to this particular coven. From what she could tell, they were accelerating rapidly. The last living victim lost all his teeth and hair after losing all his money from his bank account. It was weird. Well, weirder than usual, in any case.

She pulled up to The Sunset Inn and gathered her backpack and snagged her phone from the passenger seat, thinking. She could call Bobby to come give her a hand with this, see if there was something she had missed. She had been on the case for days already. Bobby was such a cool guy, but she wanted to do this by herself. She could handle it, couldn't she? She paused a moment as she pulled up his number and looked at it. She had exactly five numbers stored in her phone. Bobby Singer, John Winchester, Caleb, who she really should delete on principle, Mark Campbell, and Dean Winchester.

She hovered over Dean's number and sighed. Five years had been a long time. What was he doing now? How much had he changed? She knew she had changed as well. She no longer wanted to die, and often fought harder than she thought possible to stay alive when she was facing down monsters. She had traveled North and South America to find out as much as she could about things that went bump in the night, even met up with another female hunter down in Brazil she had considered staying with after they killed a chupacabra together, but Bobby had called, asked if she wanted to help on a nasty ghoul case, and who was she to turn down some ghouls? So, she'd returned to the States. She had just finished with that case when she caught wind of these witches in New Orleans. Bobby had left to check on some of his hunting friends, so she had traveled alone to the Big Easy to check into this case.

She glanced at her phone again. _Dean…_she thought with a smile as all other thoughts left her head. If she could have created a perfect man, she felt sure he would have been a duplicate of Dean Winchester. Of course, she knew he had his faults, Bobby had often regaled her with stories about the Winchesters, Dean especially, who she noticed he had a real soft spot for, and she absorbed them like they were water and she was a sponge. She was surprised she hadn't run up on him in the five years of hunting she had done since she had seen him last, but, figuring all her travel had something to do with it, she hadn't mused on it too long. Besides, she knew it was for the best. She'd only met one couple that hunted together. It wouldn't have worked, anyway. Dean didn't seem like a one-woman kind of guy, and if she were honest with herself, she was still too damaged to have a normal relationship. Caleb was proof of that.

She shook her head as she thought of the older hunter. It had started innocently enough, the flirting, the teasing, then he'd tried to kiss her. She brushed it off as too much booze late one night at a bar, celebrating the demise of a vampire nest they'd conquered together, but when he'd all but refused to listen to her telling him 'no' outside her motel room door, she'd had to cut him off at the knees, so to speak. She couldn't do it. She thought, maybe, since Dean, she could try to be normal, to have guys in her bed, but she couldn't. No man made her feel safe like Dean did. She couldn't let herself relax enough to even kiss another man, much less get naked with him.

So, she'd dealt with it, becoming comfortable with internet porn and the magic fingers on the bed along with her vibrator and the sense of relaxation when she finished. It wasn't the same as Dean, but it would have to do.

She slipped her phone in her pocket and walked into her room. She shook her head as she sat down before her laptop and started doing some more research. She had to figure out how to take care of these damn witches and how the hell to find them.

The man she interviewed stated that there had been a woman that came up to him, a beautiful woman, who had pulled him into a building. No, he couldn't remember where it was, he'd been more than a little drunk at the time, but it was just outside The French Quarter. There had been three men in there and he had been worried about what they were up to, but they had been playing cards as the woman had shown him his future. The whole thing stunk of hinky to Ryan. She pulled up abandoned buildings near where the man supposedly had his fortune told to him by the woman and found three possible locations.

Figuring she couldn't do anything else that night, she decided to call it an evening. She was exhausted from burning the midnight oil for the past few nights and talking to witnesses all day and if she went out and found the witches, she wanted to be on her game. So she walked to the bathroom and started the water for a nice, relaxing bath, and called a Chinese delivery service for some Beef Lo Mein and some spring rolls. After giving them her room number and an assurance that the food would arrive within the hour, she stripped down and slipped into the bubbles. The tub wasn't the greatest in the world, but it would get the job done. _Would it kill places to have tubs deep enough to cover my knees and boobs? _she wondered as she closed her wasn't overly tall, but this was just ridiculous.

She put her head back and felt the calm wash over her as some Bon Jovi played from her little iPod dock she always brought with her. She had almost dozed off when something felt…off. She sat up suddenly and felt the room spin as her stomach pitched and she gagged, vomiting blood. Her eyes narrowed as she somehow managed to slither out of the tub and gasped as the violent sickness wracked her body. Her first thought was _what is wrong with me? _But it was quickly followed by a worse thought…hex bag! She somehow managed to writhe to the bathroom cabinet and looked around for the bag but didn't find it. She stood on shaky legs, vomited again, and lurched forward to the toilet. She pulled the lid off and looked inside, not finding anything in there, either.

She felt weak and knew this would kill her if she didn't move fast. She tried her hardest to run out into the main room and began looking even as she choked again and she grabbed the trash can as she was sick once more.

The weakness overcame her and she fell, hitting her head on the floor as her arms went out from under her. Dizziness and nausea warred within her as unconsciousness threatened to overcome her. She looked around frantically and managed to catch a glimpse of something under her bed. She rolled and grabbed it before stumbling her way to her jeans and dug through her pockets for her lighter. She flicked it once, twice, almost passed out, and finally managed to get it to light, then flung both the hex bag and the lighter in the metal trashcan, burning its entire contents.

She fell back to the floor panting as the sensations left her as quickly as they came. Just then, a knock sounded on the door. "We Will Wok You, Chinese food!"

She glanced at the clock. It had been an hour and fifteen minutes since she had called in the order. She let out a flat little laugh. "Better late than never."

PAGE BREAK

She was pissed. She had cleaned herself up, paid the guy, told him to take the food back with him, because she was still nauseated, took a shower, and now she was roaring mad. How dare those fucking witches try to kill her? Obviously they didn't know who they were dealing with.

She wrote down the addresses of the abandoned buildings near The French Quarter and dashed to Demon, slipping behind the wheel. "Mother fuckers trying to fucking kill me, fucking with my fucking_ life_…" she fumed as the engine roared to life. She flipped on the cassette player and The Eagles screamed about heartache, but she wasn't quite in the mood for that song so she rewound the cassette until "Hotel California" came on. It wasn't quite hard enough to fit her pissed off mood, but she went with it as she drove to her destination, too mad to reach back for her duffle with her music in it.

She reached the first building and found nothing, same with the second, but on the third one, she hit jackpot…in the form of a gorgeous black 1967 Chevy Impala. "Well, helloooo Winchesters…" she commented as she stood and slid her gun in its holster. She slipped to the building just in time to see a man hit Dean on the back of the head, knocking him unconscious and dragging him to a new Mercedes Benz.

"Great," she muttered under her breath. She briefly wondered where John was, or if Sammy was hunting with them now, but decided she couldn't wait to find out as she dashed back to her car and followed along behind the Benz at a safe distance for almost an hour, down the road to a warehouse. She watched another man get out of a parked car, waiting. She eyed them through her night-vision goggles as the two men struggled to get Dean's dead weight through the door of the building.

"Damn it, Dean. Why are you such a dumbass?" she questioned softly before she made her way to the warehouse. She slipped inside undetected as she heard the two men arguing about what to do with Dean. She found him just coming to, struggling against his ropes.

"Shhhh," she whispered as she came up behind him. "Don't move."

He stayed still as she sliced through the ropes before he stood quickly and rounded on her. "Ryan?!"

"Shhh, damn it, Dean! They'll hear you!"

"Too late," a voice sing-songed. "And now we get two for the price of one. Shame, you had to have your girlfriend save your life, only for me to end it."

"Shame the hex bag didn't work," the other one stated in a nasally voice. "You should be fucking dead, _huntress_," he growled.

She glared at him. "No thanks to you, I almost was. Luckily, you're a sloppy ass witch and did a shitty job of hiding the hex bag in the first place. Under my bed? Really? Try for some originality next time! Hide it in the bathroom vent or the a/c ducts or something. It's almost like you _wanted _me to find it."

"Ryan," Dean warned. "Not helping!" he hissed.

She just looked at him and she couldn't help the smile. Damn, was she glad to see him. She hadn't realized it until right this very moment.

Dean grinned at the two witches. "Hey, come on, guys, it's a party, right? Fucking Mardi Gras is going on! Let's just go out, get drunk, have Ryan get us some beads, have a few laughs, it'll be fun."

She just glared at him. "The only person seeing my tits tonight is you, and there's no guarantees about that, Winchester," she growled.

"Oh, come on, babe, seriously? Five years? And you don't want this?" he gestured up and down his body. "I'm awesome."

She rolled her eyes. "You're also egotistical and a shitty hunter to let these two losers get the drop on you."

He shrugged. "Not my finest hour, granted, but, hey, give me a handicap."

"Why should I?" she teased.

"Enough!" the one witch shouted as his eyes narrowed and he lunged just as Ryan moved, catching him with her waiting knife. He howled in pain and she felt the thrill of the hunt as she flipped the man over and stabbed him in the heart, killing him. She was so intent on the witch beneath her, she didn't noticed the other one coming up on her until he knocked her down, forcing her breath from her before he turned and attacked Dean.

The fight was on. She watched and tried to regain her breath as the men traded punches before the witch got the better of Dean and tossed him into the wall. It dazed him for just a moment, she could tell, and she was trying to suck in air to get to him before she saw him shake his head, blink, and narrow his eyes as he growled and he rushed the other man, knocking him back into a steel girder. They continued their fight for a few more moments before Dean had him in a headlock.

Ryan saw her knife on the floor and skittered to it before calling out, "Dean! Catch!" and threw her knife at him. He caught it and deftly slit the man's throat.

She stood and spat as he shoved the man to the floor, "God help me, but I hate witches. Nasty pieces of work." She looked up at Dean. "Don't suppose you know where the rest of the coven is, do you? I mean, I'm enjoying the hell out of New Orleans, but before pleasure commences, I'd like to TCB, ya know?"

She spared a glance at the two bodies at her feet before she stepped over them and headed outside. Two down, two to go.

"Wait, wait a damn minute, Ryan," Dean called out as he followed behind her. "What do you think you're doing?" He pursued her as she went to her car. She unlocked the trunk and opened it, digging through her arsenal until she found a towel, and held out a hand for the knife he still held.

This was her favorite blade. It had saved her ass a handful of times already. "Following a lead," she stated as she finished wiping down the knife and stowed it back in its holster on her side. "I heard through the grapevine that some serious hoodoo was going on down here, stuff out of the ordinary."

She motioned to the abandoned warehouse as she twisted her hair back up into its clip. "One of those sons of bitches put a hex bag in my hotel room." She was still seething and her head still ached from the blow when she'd landed and almost passed out. "I took it real personal. I saw the one dude hit you over the head and drag you to a car. So, I followed him, then saw those two drag you in there." She smiled. "Lucky thing I came along, Dean. Where's your dad?"

"He's on another job," he stated hotly. "And I was doing fine on my own, damn it!"

She rolled her eyes. She had forgotten how much fun it was to get his goat. She loved seeing the fire in his gorgeous eyes. "Sure, if that's what you want to tell yourself." She paused, then said, "Look, I know for a fact the coven has another man and a woman in it. Word is they're small timers, but they've got serious juice. I haven't found a connection to a demon yet, have you?"

He shook his head. "No. I checked. They're flying solo, but they're screwing over travelers that want to come down here and see some magic in action. Dumb tourists."

She let out a snort at his comment. There was no love lost for her with idiots that wanted to see real magic. "I guess you need a ride back to your car, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

She slammed the trunk shut and made her way to the driver's side. "You coming?"

He slid into the passenger seat and she cranked the engine. She flipped on the radio and the cassette kicked in. "New Kid in Town" went off and "Life in the Fast Lane" began blaring from the speakers. This was one of her favorite songs. The first verse always reminded her of Dean, actually. He was, after all, brutally handsome, and well, hell, they _were _good in bed, at least, she thought so.

She sang the words under her breath as they continued along until he asked, "The Eagles? Seriously?"

She shot him a look. "It could be worse. I was listening to Restless Heart yesterday."

At his grimace, she laughed. "The Eagles were my daddy's favorite band." She reached in the backseat and pulled out the small duffle bag that held her precious tunes collection. "Here are more cassettes. Pick one."

"You'll let me choose?" he asked, sounding surprised.

She laughed. She could only imagine what it must be like traveling with someone, having to share listening space. "I never have anyone riding with me. Go ahead."

He dug around through the pile of cassettes and finally pulled out one of her Def Leopard albums. "Looks like Restless Heart and The Eagles not withstanding, you've got a decent collection."

She rolled her eyes and grinned.

The ride was silent save for the music and the road until he finally asked, "Ryan, what happened?"

"When?"

"You were in school. You weren't in this life…"

She sighed and turned the music down. "Dean, you're like me…your life was ruined from a young age. And when that happens, all you can do is persevere, you know? I graduated. Got top honors, too. But I wasn't happy. And, after promising you I wouldn't, well, end things, I knew I had to do something. Then, I found a vengeful spirit outside of Charlotte and it felt so good to be able to do _something._

"So, I started looking for it. I met up with Bobby Singer and he kinda showed me some of the ropes. He looked at me like you're looking at me now; with pity, but I didn't care. I needed to do it. I needed to be taking out these monsters. I used the Tae Kwon Do I'd learned as a teenager for self defense, altered it, made my own kind of fighting style. I've excised a handful of demons, handled a haunting outside of Charleston, and took out a werewolf in Biloxi. Bobby helped me with my first witch coven. For the first time in my life, I'm…well, I wouldn't say happy, but content. I'm doing something so other monsters can't do to anyone else what was done to me."

"I get it," he said finally. "I totally get it. I just…I hate it for you. I feel like sometimes if we could have predicted they'd take you…"

"I fit the profile," she stated flatly. It was no bigger than that. It was just a shitty, life altering accident. "I fit the profile, but that was it. There were twenty other girls in my hometown that could have been taken, but it was me. You gotta let go of the guilt, Dean. I don't blame you or your dad. I never did."

"You blamed me for saving your life," he said it so softly, she almost wasn't certain he'd said it.

She huffed out a soft breath. She hated he felt that way, hated she had alluded to the fact in the first place. "Yeah, I did. But not anymore. Because of you, the world has another hunter. This isn't a bad thing."

He was quiet for a moment, before he asked, "So, you're hunting. You don't usually have passengers…No partner?"

She smirked. _Only Dean would want to know if I've got a bed mate. _"If this is your shitty way of asking do I have a boyfriend, the answer is 'no.'"

He held up both his hands. "Hey, just curious."

"I've hunted with a few people," she said finally. "Bobby, of course, a new kid, Mark Campbell, who was really nice, Caleb…"

"You've hunted with Caleb?"

Of course, Dean would know Caleb. "Yeah, we worked a case together a few months ago…" It had been closer to a year, now that she thought about it, before she'd headed back to South America. In fact, he was part of the reason she'd gone in the first place.

Dean grinned. "Haven't seen him in forever."

She shrugged and remained silent. She didn't feel any ill will toward Caleb. He was a decent guy, most guys _were _decent. She shrugged it off as they pulled up to the Impala. "Your dad gave it to you?" she asked as they both exited Demon.

He grinned. "Yeah, Baby's all mine."

She smiled at his obvious pride over his car. He led the way to the Impala and leaned against the driver's door. She felt that same pride over her car. She loved Demon, and had loved it ever since her Papa let her take it out for a drive when she was six and had to sit up against the steering wheel to reach the pedals. "I know the feeling. I was so excited to have Papa's Falcon, even though I put a ton of work into it."

"You do the work yourself?"

She shook her head. It was the one luxury she had provided herself when she graduated from high school. She ate Ramen Noodles for months that summer to pay it off, too. "No, not all of it. I had it fixed up for college. Last year it started sounding funny. Bobby, he, uh, he took me and Demon home, gave her a once-over, got me road ready, gave me a crash course on car maintenance, the whole nine."

He glanced at her car. "Demon?"

She smirked. "It seemed appropriate."

"You've got a twisted sense of humor, Ryan."

She laughed again. "Ain't the first time I've heard that one, Dean." she said. "So, how did you manage to talk Daddy Winchester into letting go of this beauty?" she wondered aloud as she ran a hand down Baby's front quarter panel. It was a gorgeous fucking car. She wondered briefly if he'd ever had sex in it and almost blinked at the turn her thoughts had taken. God, she needed him. Soon. Suddenly, it was evident how little the Magic Fingers and the vibrator really _did_ for her.

He cleared his throat, probably to get her attention off her suddenly raging libido. "Dad's got Truckzilla now, so Baby and I are just doing our thing."

"Truckzilla?"

He snorted. "Sam's name for it."

She paused and smiled softly, thinking about the little boy that drew the devil's trap under her mom's three hundred dollar rug. It had been ruined by her blood and her dad had thrown it away, burnt it, if memory served, but she remembered hearing Dean's awe at the fact Sammy had drawn it and hidden it away. "I haven't seen him since he was a kid. How is Sam doing?"

"Sam's good. He's in college."

That was fantastic. He seemed like a smart kid. She was glad John and Dean were supporting his decision for higher learning. "Wow! Awesome!"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I'm really happy for him. Haven't talked to him lately, though. Been doing my own thing for a few months now."

"That's good." She smiled. "Sort of like me."

He nodded.

"So," she began as she clapped her hands together. "We gonna hunt down these witches together?"

She watched the gears turning in his head without surprise. Not a lot of hunters wanted to hunt with someone they didn't know, but he did know her, didn't he?

"Why the hell not?" he said finally. "If you're good enough for Bobby to tutor, you're good enough for me."

Her lips quirked. When she met Bobby, he had asked her who taught her what she already knew. When she told him, he had been quite vocal. Apparently John had said or done something to piss the man off. "Bobby mentioned he knew and I quote, 'those damn Winchesters'."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, well, there's no love lost between my dad and Uncle Bobby."

_But Bobby loves you boys, _she wanted to say. She was silent a moment before she stated, "He's awesome, but, knowing your dad a little bit, I can understand how he could…rub someone the wrong way."

"He's brusque, I'll give you that," Dean replied.

Her hand went to his arm and she looked up at him from under her lashes. "I'm glad you aren't. Always stay like you are, Dean."

"What? I'm a macho, gruff, mean bastard, Ryan."

Her smile was soft as she leaned over until she was right in his face. God, he was gorgeous. He had some age on him, five years worth, though he was still baby-faced and beautiful. Those gorgeous green eyes held experience now, a slightly haunted look, but they were still full of life, full of mirth, too, she noticed, like he didn't take himself seriously too often. Just one more thing about him she liked, apparently. "That's not true." She breathed him in as she whispered, "I seem to remember you being quite gentle, Dean. You gave me a gift that night. I think it's time I returned the favor."

He swallowed hard and grinned. "Well, hell, let's gank some witchy bitches and I'll let you do that very thing."

She smirked and pulled away. "Well, we've got a few hours until daylight. Call it or go get breakfast?"

He grinned at her and they chorused, "Breakfast."

* * *

She followed him as he led her to his motel. It had a little diner attached to it. She really was just hungry for him, but she held it together. They were, after all, working a job. There would be plenty of time for fun later, hopefully. Luckily the diner was an all-night joint and they slid into a booth before the sun was even a glimmer in the eastern sky.

The waitress came and took their order. "I'll take the special, extra pig, and one of those cinnamon roll looking things. Looks great," Dean told her with a smile. "Oh, and a coffee and O.J. too."

Ryan grinned as the waitress turned to her. "Country Ham, egg, and cheese sandwich on white toast, extra mayo, side of hash browns, apple juice _with ice_, please, coffee, water, and I guess count me in for one of those cinnamon roll thingies."

The waitress didn't comment as she shuffled off. "Well, she's got…personality," Ryan commented as she sat back in the booth and drew one leg up to rest her head on her knee.

Dean snorted and yawned. "Yeah, I guess she's used to people coming in at all hours of the night."

Ryan shrugged. "It could be worse. At least we aren't covered in blood."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah. Guess we're getting good at not getting any on us."

Ryan laughed. "You say that, but then there's the mess at my hotel room I have yet to clean up."

"What happened? You mentioned a hex bag?"

She nodded as the waitress came back and sat their drinks down. She sipped her water until the lady left. "Yeah, I guess I got too close and they made me. Must have been that last vic I was talking to. Poor guy."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Poor guy nothing. You screw with magic, that's the price you pay."

"So, they should die? They should be hurt?" she asked, incredulous.

"You don't fuck with things like this, especially if you're a civilian."

"They didn't know any better."

"Isn't that the problem?" Dean asked with a sigh. "They don't know any better, so they end up screwing with their lives."

They were both quiet for a moment. It was true, there was some shit civilians shouldn't mess with. Heck, she shouldn't be messing with it. Hoodoo was some wicked stuff. Spells and elixirs and potions really had no place to be messed with by anyone. She stifled a yawn as she put three creams and two sugars in her coffee, basically making it sweetened coffee flavored milk.

"So…the hex bag?" Dean prompted when she finished.

Ryan shrugged and shook her head as she held the warm mug in both hands. She closed her eyes and took an appreciative breath of the warm beverage. Coffee was definitely the nectar of the gods, no matter what anyone said. "Ahhh, I love the smell of coffee in the morning. I rarely drink it any later in the day. It's a morning beverage, unless I'm burning the midnight oil."

She opened her eyes slowly and she smiled as they found him staring at her. _What do you see when you look at me, Dean? _she wondered, but she knew she didn't have the balls to ask him something so personal. Instead, she covered it up. "Sorry…I think I might have dozed off for a moment."

"You need to go get some rest," he stated.

She shrugged. "Maybe. Let's see if this coffee and the huge breakfast makes any headway with my fatigue." She took a sip and sat the mug down. "Now, you'd asked about the hex bag."

He nodded and she began her tale, recounting the events that had led to her being at the right place and the right time to see him being dragged away. The thoughts that she could have died were second to the fact he almost lost his own life that night. She couldn't imagine a world without Dean Winchester in it. She wasn't sure she wanted to. "So now," she finished as the waitress reappeared with the food, "I'm starving."

She eyed her food with a barely held in whimper. If there was one thing she loved in the world besides hunting, it was food. She supposed it stemmed from being a teen doped up on so many meds she didn't care what she ate, but now, everything had a taste to it and she loved to try new combinations. If she didn't like it, she didn't eat it. Period. But if she loved it, it quickly became something she craved.

They ate in relative silence then, just making small talk as they ate. She devoured her food and glanced at his pancakes. Man, they looked delicious. She wasn't much of a pancake eater, she was more into waffles, but she couldn't resist asking if she could have a taste. He nodded with a smile and she moaned as she put the bite in her mouth. "My God, these are the best pancakes on the planet."

He shook his head. "Nah, I've had better."

Her eyebrow rose. "Where?"

So, he went into detail telling her about the little diner outside of Branson, Missouri he had stopped at after killing a pair of Vetala.

"Vetala?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, nasty creatures, stab them in the heart with a silver knife and you're good."

She smiled and her hand dipped down to the blade of the knife she used earlier. "Pure silver. Cost me a fortune from a chick that's in the biz. She doesn't hunt, but she knows a metric fuckton about the Supernatural."

"Glad to know you're being safe," he commented. "I still hate you're in this life, Ryan. You had a shot at normal."

She let out a snort. "Please. My shot at normal ended when I was eleven. I'm not bitter about it, Dean. If I had stayed in normal, I would be dead by now."

"You could have called me," he offered softly.

She blew out a breath. The number of times she had held her fingers over his number was easily in the thousands but she knew she needed to be independent. She couldn't rely on him. He had his own life. "Dean, I…I knew you were busy with your own stuff. You didn't need me tagging along and you didn't need to feel like you were….I dunno, responsible for me or something. I needed to go out and find my own way." She smiled. "Besides, when you were there last, it seemed as though you and your dad were a team."

He shrugged noncommittally. "Well, we aren't a team now. I meet up with him when he calls me. We just finished a job, as a matter of fact. But I'm out on my own more and more now."

"It's freeing, isn't it?" she questioned softly.

"You have no idea," he told her.

The silence continued for a beat and Ryan looked out the window. "Looks like it's morning."

"Huh. Go figure."

She smiled. "Well, I'm full and awake."

"Me too. Wanna ditch your car here and we can take mine, go together?"

She nodded with the smile still in place. She wanted nothing more than to do that very thing. "Sounds like a plan to me."

* * *

The other two witches weren't quite as into the witch life as the two Ryan and Dean disposed of and were quite happy to give up the life in order to live. With a powerful spellbook and a few hex bags to go, Dean and Ryan made their way back to the motel. "Well, that was anticlimactic," she mused from her spot in his passenger seat. They had taken Demon to Dean's motel and parked him in front of Dean's room before they went hunting up the brother and sister duo. _Thank God. Now I get him all to myself. _

Dean let out a snort as he stood once they reached the motel. "Victory is victory. And those two are heading to jail for a while anyway for hurting those tourists. They're lucky we didn't gank 'em on principle."

She walked around the car and shrugged. "Eh, wasn't worth it. Without the coven leader, they were just playing at being witches." She turned and grabbed his jacket, pulling him to her. She was still just a bit nervous about being with him, but she masked it with bravado as she muttered, "And now, I wanna play doctor."

He growled and grabbed her ass, hauling her to him as his mouth sank to hers. He attacked it and she willingly let him as she sucked his tongue into her mouth.

She pulled away and he grinned. "So help me, if we don't get in that room, I'm going to have you on Baby's hood.

"Not that I wouldn't like that, Dean, but I have something else in mind." She turned and having grabbed his key from his pocket, deftly unlocked the door as his lips roamed her neck, driving her crazy with want despite the uncertainty. "Honeysuckle. You always smell like honeysuckle to me, Ryan." His hand moved quickly and undid her bun, sending her hair cascading down her back.

She gasped and dropped the key as they stumbled into the room. _Damn, he can even undo my hair that fast? Shit…that's…that's hot. _She wasn't an idiot, Dean was gorgeous. She felt sure he'd had his fair share of women since their short night together, but his experience still amazed her. After all, her number of men was still in the single digits. Oh, who was she kidding? Her number of men was the man still standing behind her, driving her crazy with his lips on her neck. "You-you're gonna turn the tide, Winchester. I was, ungh, supposed to repay you."

He nipped at her neck lightly and purred in her ear, "Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna get lots of repayment, sweetheart."

"F-f-fuck," she stuttered as he bent down to sweep her off her feet. He carried her to the bed and dropped her lightly before his body covered hers. "Have you gotten a lot of practice since we were together last?" he asked as his lips moved to her collarbone and began undoing the buttons on her shirt.

_Try none, _she thought, but to him, she just said, "N-no, but Casa Erotica has helped me with my schooling."

He grinned. "Always a favorite." He stood and peeled off his jacket, toed out of his boots, and slid off his flannel shirt, leaving him in jeans and a tee. She swallowed the whine of desperation as he smiled and delved back to her. "You are beautiful, Ryan," he whispered as he bit her nipple through her shirt.

She didn't want flowers and poetry. She needed this, needed _him_. Five years was a long time. She was curious to see if it was as good as the last time. "Don't, ah, don't need to give me flowery talk, Dean. I'm a sure thing."

He pulled away and narrowed his eyes. "No, I don't do flowery talk. This ain't a chick flick, Ryan. If I say something during sex, I mean it, kay?"

She bit her lip and smiled softly. Pissed off Dean was delicious and a complete turn on. Gone was the fear. This man would never hurt her. Instead, all she felt was the buzz of desire thrumming through her. She felt the thrill traveling south as she whispered, "Okay."

"Now," he murmured as his hand traveled up her sides, bringing her tank with it, "I want to see all of you." He pulled her to a sitting position and divested of her shirts and bra, leaving her in only her jeans and boots. "Whoa…" he muttered.

She smiled. She had gotten tattooed since he had seen her last. The two thick ropes of scars on her arms were still on display, but on her left arm, she'd had tattooed in a gorgeous, flowing font; "Carry On My Wayward Son" and on her right arm, above and below the scar it read "There'll Be Peace When You Are Done." It was one of her favorite songs and it reminded her of him every time she heard it.

He blinked. "Kansas?"

She smiled. "I told you I love rock music. I, uh, I got them because of you, Dean. You told me to not give up, and I didn't. I got these to remember that."

His smile was soft as he laved both the tattoos and scars with attention. "Gorgeous."

She started to cover her naked breasts and he shook his head. "No. I said I want to see you. All of you. You're not going shy on me now, are you? I seem to remember you getting yourself off in front of me to the tune of 'Black Velvet'. Sexiest fucking thing I've ever watched to be honest."

He dipped to kiss her lips once more. "And I get a damned hard-on every time I hear that fucking song, all because of you. I hope you're happy with yourself."

She felt the blush run hot across her face, but then a smirk graced her lips. Damn. That was an image. Dean, getting hard, all because of her. "That's hot," she murmured, unable to help herself.

She was still warm from his scrutiny as he stood once more and took her in. She knew what he was seeing. Her scars were out on display on her stomach, looking more defined now with her abdominal muscles. She had a few new ones, too, silvery pink skin that showed where blades or claws had attacked her. He was all smiles as he slowly untied and removed each of her boots, gently peeled away each sock, then moved to her waist, torturing her by slowly unbuttoning each button on her jeans and she shivered in anticipation every time his fingertips caressed her flesh.

"I never understood why the fly on women's jeans were all buttons, but I like it."

She panted out a breath. She was going to spontaneously combust if the torture didn't either end, or start moving faster. "Some men's jeans have button flies…"

"Metrosexual crap that it is. Just give me a pair of plain jeans, I'm fine."

She smirked. She wouldn't mind seeing him all metrosexual. It would be different, but sexy as hell, in her opinion. "You'd look pretty damn good, Winchester, like a male model."

He chortled and slid the jeans down her legs, leaving her in nothing but a pair of purple satin panties. "Purple's a good color on you. It looks perfect with your skin."

She snorted. "Careful, Dean, you're entering chick flick territory."

He shot her a look and dipped to her once more, taking a nipple in his mouth and her breath caught at the sensation. "Oh, didn't you get the memo?" he growled. "This isn't a chick flick. This is a porno." His hand moved her panties to the side and he gently thrust two fingers into her wet heat.

She arched off the bed and gasped as he began moving them, finding her sweet spot. It was better than she remembered, and all he was doing was touching her. What would the main event feel like?

"I forgot how receptive you are, Ryan," he murmured as his lips moved all over her chest.

"J-just for you," she panted as he continued taking her up, up, up, until she came apart in his arms.

As she drifted down from her high, he stood one last time and started taking off his pants. When he reached back in them for the condom, she gently reminded him, "You don't need that with me, Dean."

"Ry…"

She shook her head and held out her hands for him to come closer. She refused to dwell on that fact. It was over, done with. It couldn't be undone. "Be with me," she purred. "I need to feel you, Dean."

The boxer-briefs fell to the floor and he was back to her in an instant. "You sure?" he questioned gently as he found his way to her.

She smiled and nodded as she felt him ready and waiting. She wrapped her legs around his waist. "Absolutely."

With one gentle thrust, they were joined and she huffed out a breath as her nails left score marks in his back. His lips once more attacked hers, his tongue gently probing, thrusting, in time with his movements and she matched him stroke for stroke as they began moving. He took her up and over once more, twice more, playing her like a violin before he allowed himself release, and as he came down, she kissed him tenderly. "Thank you," she whispered.

He moved off of her, but pulled her into his chest and nuzzled her neck. "Thank you," he whispered back.

They fell asleep like that, and she dropped into dream land easily, so much easier than when she was by herself.

_In her dream, she was standing in a white room adorned with gold features. It was bordering on gaudy, in her opinion. There was a man there. He was nice looking, about the same height as her, smirking at her slightly, chewing on a Twizzler. "You want one?" he offered. _

_She chuckled flatly and wrinkled her nose. "I don't like Twizzlers. Got any Tootsie Pops on you?"_

_He reached into his pocket and held out a cherry one. "Thanks!" she gushed. "My favorite!"_

"_I know, Ryan. I know a lot about you."_

_She eyed him warily as she unwrapped the candy, stuffing the wrapper in her pants pocket. "I assume you didn't mean for that to sound quite as creepy as it came out, did you?"_

_He laughed. "No, I really didn't. Sorry."_

_She smiled at him and took a lick of the treat, the cherry flavor exploding in her mouth. "You got a name? You seem to already know mine."_

_He nodded. "I do."_

"_But you won't share it?"_

"_Not just yet." He finished the candy and walked over to a bench. "Come, sit a minute?"_

_She shrugged and sat next to him, just enjoying her treat a moment before she commented, "I know you, don't I?"_

_He gave her a small smile. "Maybe you do. I know you."_

"_Did we go to college together?"_

"_We may have met there, or maybe before."_

"_You're being evasive."_

"_You're being stubborn," he retorted._

"_Takes one to know one," she shot back._

_He laughed. "Yeah, I really do like you, Ryan." He was quiet a moment. "What's one thing you want more than anything in the world?"_

_"Just one?"_

"_Yeah. Why the hell not. Humor me."_

"_World peace?"_

_He rolled his eyes. "Try for some originality, sweet-cheeks. How about something just for you, no one else, just for yourself."_

_She thought a moment and sighed. There was one thing she had always wanted and knew she now, would never have. "A choice."_

"_A choice?"_

_She nodded. "I wanted the choice to be able to have kids. That was taken away from me."_

"_Do you like kids?"_

"_I don't know. I think so. I babysat in college. I enjoyed being around little ones."_

"_What if I told you I could help you with that?"_

"_What?" she asked incredulous. "How?" _

_He shrugged. "Just think about it…" _

She woke with a start and looked over at Dean lying next to her. Her brow furrowed as she glanced at the clock. They had been asleep a few hours. _Odd dream, _she thought as she stood and walked naked to the bar and grabbed a glass, getting a cool drink of water. She slipped back in the bed and started kissing the gorgeous sleeping figure of Dean Winchester. He woke, half startled until he seemed to realize where he was and what she was doing. He pulled her on top of him and smiled at her as she sat up, enveloping him.

His hands traveled to her hips, helping her hit a rhythm that would please them both. She was so close, just _right there _when his thumb found her clit and he began taking her up and over before they floated down the other side together.

She fell to his chest and kissed his sweaty skin. "You're amazing," she breathed.

He chuckled and tipped her head so he could kiss her lips. "I'm fairly certain that you've got that backwards, Ry."

She smiled at him and laid her head on her arm atop his chest. "No one calls me Ry." _Of course, you don't have any friends, either, _she thought to herself.

He shrugged and grinned. "Hey, I'm all about nicknames. You should ask Sam what his is."

She giggled. "I know. I heard you once, when you were at my house. Any particular reason you call him 'bitch', Dean?"

She watched him as he thought. "Well, I figured, if he was going to get teased at school, I'd better toughen him up. Calling him a bitch was just the start of it."

"Did you get teased a lot?" she asked softly, though she knew the answer. She remembered seeing him in clothes that didn't fit right, were dirty, with holes in them. Even not being around a lot of boys, she knew that wasn't normal.

"Yeah, we got our fair share for a while there until I got big enough to do the laundry and learned how to patch holes in shirts and stuff."

She respected the hell out of John Winchester. Had he not trained the boys, she would be dead, or worse, right this very moment. But if he were standing in front of her right there, she would slap his face for how he raised his sons. They didn't deserve to be trained as warriors. They should have been children first, cautious second, and finally, when they were old enough to make their own decisions, decide if they wanted to become hunters or not. This life wasn't for everyone. She had found that out already. It was tough, it was painful, and the odds of dying young and bloody were exponentially higher than any other field of work, whether you got paid or not. "You two went through a lot growing up, didn't you?" she asked finally.

He was silent for a few moments before he finally said, "It could have been worse."

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." She kissed him tenderly.

"You hungry?" he asked.

She shook her head, but even as she did, she thought of that Tootsie Pop in her dream. Sugar would be good right about now, and she wouldn't say no to some alcohol, either. "Not really, but I need some sugar and some booze. What about you?"

He grinned. "Sounds good."

He stood and slipped on some pants. "I've got the booze covered." He inclined his head where she saw a bottle of whiskey sitting on the table by some of his research. "Sugar…"

"I saw a vending machine," she told him. "Think they've got any Skittles in there?"

He slid on a shirt and stepped into his boots. "I'll go check."

She, too, stood, and slithered into one of his plaid shirts, only buttoning about half the buttons, not intending to drive him crazy with want again already, but realizing she did that very thing as she caught him looking. She smirked. "Sugar. Booze. Then sex again."

He pulled her to him and when his mouth was just a breath from hers, he breathed, "Promise?"

_I'd promise you the moon if you asked me, _she thought. She blinked slowly and smiled. "Absolutely."

He kissed her quickly and ducked out the door. She watched him leave and smiled. _If only it could always be like this. I can't imagine being this happy all the time. I would probably explode. _Of course, she knew this was temporary. He would be eager to move on tomorrow, the next day at the very latest. He wasn't a one-woman kind of guy, was he?

The thought made her morose, so she poured two glasses of whiskey, downed one, then poured herself another before she sat at the table and waited. He walked back in and handed her the bag of Skittles. She couldn't help the grin as she ripped it open and dumped it out onto the table. She began separating the colors like she usually did. She heard him sit and sip the whiskey. "What are you doing?"

She grinned bashfully. It was weird, she knew, but it was something she always did. "I, uh, I don't like all the flavors mixed so I eat them one flavor at a time. Well, lemon and grape can be eaten together, but the rest…" she let the comment hang in the air as she finished her task. Once she got them all separated, she took her time eating them, all of them but the red.

"Don't like the red ones?" he inquired.

She shook her head. "No, they're my favorite. I save the best for last."

She heard him chuckle under his breath. "So, where are you going from here?" she asked, partially because she was curious, and partially because she wanted to fill the almost uncomfortable silence that had descended.

"I don't know. Wherever I hear of something else hooey I guess. Dad sends me coordinates if we aren't together. Usually, though, I find my own jobs."

She nodded noncommittally as she shot the second glass of whiskey down.

"What about you?" he questioned.

She hadn't given it much thought. She had planned on heading up to South Dakota, seeing what Bobby was up to, and she had also considered heading back to Brazil and checking in on Riana. "I don't know. Guess we'll just have to see what we see." She didn't want to think about it. She wanted to live in the moment. She didn't want to think of him leaving her. So, she didn't.

She stood and smiled. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go back to bed." She slowly began undoing one button and then the other until the expanse of skin between her breasts was exposed, then, down to her belly button, and then, she was standing there with the shirt open showing the fact she hadn't bothered with slipping back into her panties.

His jaw dropped slightly before he grinned. "You ready already?"

Her smile grew. "Unless you're too tired."

He was standing in a flash. "I'm never too tired for you."

* * *

_She was back in the white room. This time, there was a dark haired little girl playing with a toy dog in the corner. "She's cute, isn't she?" the man said._

_She whirled around to face him. "Who are you and what do you want?"_

"_I told you, I could give you what you want."_

"_Christo," she muttered._

_He grinned. "Wrong direction, babe. Angel, not demon."_

_She gasped. "You're an angel? A real life, honest-to-God angel?"_

_He nodded. "Yup. And I've got the deal of the century for you."_

_She eyed him warily. "I didn't think Angels made deals. Don't you come with glad tidings and shit like that?"_

_He laughed. "Yeah, usually. And that's what I'm here for. Glad tidings for you, Ryan. I'm about to make your wish come true."_

"_Why?"_

_He shrugged. "Let's say I've seen the future. It ain't all it's cracked up to be. I want to level the playing field a little bit."_

_She shot him a look. "You do realize I have no idea what you're talking about, right?"_

"_I know. All I need from you is a yes or a no."_

"_About what?"_

"_What if I told you I could restore you to whole? I could give you a baby, or two, or three."_

"_What's the catch?" _

_He smiled. "Yeah, there's always a fine print in there somewhere, isn't it? Okay, here's the catch; the kid, or kids, should you choose to have more, have to be Winchesters."_

"_Dean's kids."_

"_Yes."_

"_Why?" _

"_We need the Campbell/Winchester bloodline to continue."_

_She wanted to question who the 'we' was, but instead, asked, "What's so special about them?"_

_The angel sighed. "Look, it's a yes or no question, Ryan."_

"_I'll-I'll need to think about it."_

_He blew out a breath. "Fine." He snapped his fingers…_

And she woke up.

Her brow furrowed as she glanced down at her stomach. There was no way, was it? She stood and went to the bathroom, relieved herself, got another drink of water, and made her way back to bed.

"You okay?" Dean asked sleepily.

"Yeah. Weird dreams."

He chuckled. "We shoulda got some burgers, put you in a food coma. You wouldn't have dreamed about a thing."

She giggled and he held out his hands for her. She dropped willingly into his arms and they began making out. "I wanna try something," he whispered in the near dark of the room.

"You know, I'm not very experienced, Dean. I'm not sure I can handle butt sex."

His mouth fell open. "God help me, Ryan, I never know what the fuck is going to come out of your mouth."

She giggled again.

He shook his head at her and rolled his eyes as he moved down, down, down, her body. "No, I was just thinking, I promised you I'd show you what my tongue could do."

_Fuck me, _she thought with a whimper.

He grinned. "I bet you've never had anyone do this…"

His tongue thrust into her and she groaned as she grasped his short hair. "Oh, fuck," she muttered as he began teasing her.

It seemed as though it took him no time at all to find out where to touch, where to suck, and she was screaming as her thighs clenched around his head.

He slithered back up her body and kissed her. She marveled at the taste of herself on his lips.

"Did you like that?" he murmured as he gently attacked her neck once more.

"Yes, God," she moaned as she felt him hard and ready for her once more.

"Good," he stated as he joined them yet again.

When they finished, she once more fell soundly asleep and dropped right back into the white room.

"_Well?" the angel asked eagerly. "What's your answer?"_

"_I'm confused. Why me?"_

_He sighed. "Ryan, you've been through the closest thing to hell a human can, short of actually traveling to Hell. You went through some awful stuff as a kid and you lived through two suicide attempts. I'd say that makes you pretty damn strong."_

"_Yeah, okay, I get that. But why do you want me? I'm as messed up as they come. What possible good could this kid, or kids, be with me as their mother?"_

"_First off, they'd be great, because you're great. And Dean, for all his asshole tendencies, is a decent guy."_

_Her eyebrow rose. "Know him well, do you?"_

_The angel chuckled. "Believe me, I do. But here's more of that fine print. The kids have to be raised to know all about the evils of life. I need them to be hunters, but I need them to be better than Sam and Dean."_

"_Granted, I don't know Sam, but Dean's a great guy, even if, as you say, he has 'asshole tendencies'!" she defended._

_He held out his hands. "He is now. Give him a few years. Trust me. I've seen it. Why else have I come back here to change things?"_

"_You-You're from the future?"_

_He pulled a giant Pixie Stick out of his jacket pocket and twirled it like a baton between his fingers and sighed. "Eh, well, technically. Time runs different for angels, at least ones with my kind of juice. But, for you, yes, I'm from the future."_

"_So, what? Dean's a bad guy?"_

"_Not bad, no, just…misguided. I knew after I tried to talk him and Sam into playing their parts, they wouldn't do it. That left me with no choice. I'll have to make a stand against my brother and I need an insurance policy, just in case things don't turn out so good for me."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

_He shook his head. "Never mind that. This is about you. So, here's the deal. One, these kids have to know about the big bads, how to defeat them, how to kill them and save the good people of earth, that sort of thing. Two, you give yourself to Dean Winchester, and only Dean Winchester for the rest of your life. And three…you must never tell Dean about this agreement."_

_The thought of being with just Dean didn't bother her. She had tried. She had failed. She had resigned herself to the fact sex, unless it was with Dean, was off the list for her. That was okay. But the thought of Dean never knowing his kids…that was a deal breaker. "Never? But…he'll never know his kids."_

"_Trust me, I've seen how him plus fatherhood works. It doesn't. I've traveled to the future, too."_

_She wanted to question that, but chose not to. "But…I can't do that to him."_

"_It's an all or nothing kind of deal, sweetheart. You either abide by my rules, or it's a no-go."_

"_But, I don't have the right equipment anymore, I can't…"_

_The angel smiled. "You already do. And right now, you've got an egg sprouting. Luckily Dean's so…fertile. Dude doesn't know how to do anything halfway, does he?"_

_She looked down at her stomach. "You mean, it's already…"_

_The angel nodded. "Your eggo is preggo, princess."_

"_But…" she began, flabbergasted. There was no way, was there? _

_He went on; "If you say no, I'll return you to how you were before. If you say yes, the child will continue to grow inside of you with a little gift of her own."_

"_Her? She's definitely a girl already? How can you tell?"_

"_I'm an angel of the lord, sweetcheeks. I know these things."_

"_Give me your name," she demanded gently._

"_Gabriel."_

_She gasped. "THE Gabriel? The Archangel, Gabriel?"_

"_Well, give the girl a stuffed monkey, she knows her stuff."_

_She shot him a look. "Mom made me go to church, you ass."_

_He chuckled. "Oh, yeah, I do like you, Ryan. You're the perfect mother for these kids."_

"_How many?"_

_He just smiled. _

_She sighed. "Yes or no?"_

_He nodded. "The choice is yours. Say yes, she says with you. Say no, you'll forget this ever happened."_

_But she could feel it already, she could feel motherhood sprouting its wings within her and the desire to protect the innocent life she now carried. She would go to the ends of the earth for this child, trudge through Hell and sell her soul to help it grow into what it was supposed to be. _

_She took a deep breath. "I will have to see Dean again to have other children with him, won't I? How will I hide her from him?"_

_Gabriel pulled a chocolate bar from his coat pocket having finished off the Pixie Stick while they talked. "You'll think of something. You're a hunter, Ryan. A trained liar. You'll come up with some excuse."_

"_This feels wrong."_

"_Hey, then don't do it."_

"_You-you wouldn't find someone else to do it, would you?"_

_He grinned. "Do I detect a bit of the green eyed monster? You do know that he won't be with you. He won't fall in love with you." His voice grew softer and for a moment, he almost seemed sad at offering her the deal. "You'll just be…sex buddies."_

_She stood a bit straighter. "I never thought I stood a shot with him at all. I'm not emotionally stable enough for a damn relationship, Gabriel, with him, or otherwise. To be with him as friends with benefits works fine for me. I just don't like lying to him."_

"_That's your choice."_

"_Damn you, Gabriel!" she cried, more confused than ever._

"_I hate it," and it sounded like he truly did. "But there are some bad things coming. We need all hands on deck, regardless. You'll be training hunters the way they should be trained, better than John Winchester and better than Dean could ever hope."_

"_Without a father," she put in._

_He nodded. "True. But they'll have you in their corner." _

_She blew out a breath. "Okay."_

"_Okay as in…yes?"_

_She nodded. "Yes. I'll do it. I swear it."_

_He started to snap his fingers when she called out, "Wait!"_

_He sighed. "What now?"_

"_Will…will there ever be a time I can tell him?"_

"_When he's dead."_

_She blinked. "Well, gee, you're so fucking kind, Gabriel."_

_He chuckled. "Look, you'll know when you can tell him, how about that?"_

_She thought of that for a moment. "And how do I know you're telling the truth? What's preventing me from just telling him about this crazy ass dream when I wake up?"_

_He smirked. "I'll leave you a little gift."_

"_What? A gift…?"_

She could still hear the finger-snap as she woke. She gasped as searing pain etched itself on her back and she threw off the covers to dash to the bathroom. She flipped on the light and saw the anti-possession sigil tattooed on her skin, surrounded by a pair of angel wings and some indistinguishable marks beneath it. "Gee, thanks, Gabe," she muttered under her breath.

She looked down at her flat stomach and brushed it gently. "If he's lying, I'm going to find his feathery ass and kill him."

She walked back out and looked at the bed where Dean was sleeping peacefully on his stomach, head turned toward her pillow. She sucked in a breath and blew it out to calm herself. She had to get out of the room before he woke up. She dressed quickly, slipping her hand in her jeans pocket and she pulled out the cherry Tootsie-Pop wrapper. As if the tattoo wasn't enough of a realization the dream happened, this sealed it for her.

She finished gathering her stuff. She needed to dash to her room and gather her gear over there, too. It was in another hotel halfway across town. That was good. It would give her a few minutes to get her thoughts processed. Besides, she still needed to clean up the aftermath from the witches' hex bag.

She looked at him once more, saw the peacefulness on his face and decided to pen him a note; _Winchester, sorry I had to bail. _She paused and looked at the paper under her hand. She couldn't tell him about the kid…that was a no-no. But she could leave him a clue. She thought a moment, then remembered the song by Heart. She went back to writing; _You know all I want to do is make love to you, but I had stuff to take care of. Thank you for…for being you. I'm sure I'll see you around. Ryan_

She folded the note, slipped it on her pillow, and took one last look at him before she snuck out the door. She had a lot of changes coming her way…best to go ahead and face them head-on.

* * *

***crickets* Anyone still reading? Okay, so, holy plot twist, Batman! Hopefully you're still on board. I'm having the time of my life writing this, just so you know. It only gets more interesting from here. Leave me a review on your way out, yeah? I'd appreciate it! **


	11. Crystal Ball

**Disclaimer: Ya'll already know this tune. I don't own it. Wish I did. Boo-hoo. Cry me a river.**

**AN: Hola, mischief-migos! So, I got 21 reviews and 18 followers! YAY! So, I'm guessing you're enjoing the roller coaster? That is, after all, my favorite ride. Hehehe. So, here's the next chapter. This takes us from 6 weeks after the last chapter until between seasons 5-6 of Supernatural. Enjoy! PM me if you have any questions! Love ya!**

NOTE: I'm not going to go into a ton of detail, just giving you snippets of Ryan's life. If I told the whole tale, I wouldn't finish it in time for Supernatural's four hundredth episode! Also, I'm basing dates on the fact this is 2005. Now, the show takes two time jumps, once when Sam goes to Hell, and once, when Dean goes to Purgatory. The time will reflect that, just like in show, but it doesn't actually add up with real dates, so…suspend belief. It's made this hella hard to write, to be honest. LOL

* * *

**April Seventh, (Six Weeks Later…)**

Ryan's heart was beating out of her chest. This was it…this would tell the tale to see if Gabriel was a lying sack of shit or not. But she was beginning to believe him. She was dressed in a hospital gown with a sheet wrapped around her waist and she felt like she was going to vomit. That, along with the dizziness, was the first thing that clued her in to the fact Gabriel might not have been completely full of shit. If he was, however, and she wasn't pregnant, she was going to call Dean, apologize for bailing on him, and see if she could hook up with him hunting. That was, after she figured out how the hell to fry Gabriel's wings up, extra-crispy for lying to her.

She'd been staying on the down-low for the past six weeks, holed up in a little dumpy motel room outside of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Why she picked there was easy enough; she liked being near the ocean and the price was cheap. It was still off-season until after Easter, which was about a week or so away. She had called and made her appointment two days before and luckily, the OB/GYN had a cancellation when she decided it was time to go to the doctor and see what he had to say.

Just then, the door opened and Ryan stopped swinging her legs, which were dangling off the side of the bed.

"Well, Miss Fawcett, I have some good news. It appears as though you're pregnant."

"Holy fucking shit," she muttered under her breath. _Gabriel…wow. _Not that she doubted an angel of the Lord and all, but, still…

The older doctor blinked and looked at her in surprise. "I take it this is not good news?"

She shook her head quickly. "NO! No, I mean, it's great, it's just…I was always told I couldn't have kids…" _Of course, having your uterus removed at the age of eleven kinda makes that a no-brainer…_

"Well, it appears you are most definitely pregnant. Of course, I would like to do a panel of blood work on you since you weren't trying, so I assume you weren't taking any prenatal vitamins. It states here you don't smoke and only drink socially…"

She held in a snort at that. If by "socially" he meant by herself in her motel room, then, yes, she only drank socially. However, since Gabe's big announcement, she hadn't touched a sip of booze and had, in fact, picked up a bottle of vitamins, just to be on the safe side. _Pregnant…wow…_

"I see, however, you've had bouts with depression in your past…"

She nodded. "I did, yes."

"But you aren't on medications now? Is that wise? I realize now you are pregnant, but there are medicines we can keep you on to balance your moods…"

"Doctor, the reason I was on those meds was because I almost died after being gang raped. It took me a long time to overcome the sorrow and self-degradation associated with that. Now, I'm past that. I've acclimated. I realize this might screw with me, the hormones and stuff, but I've done my research, believe me." _That _was a gross understatement. She hadn't done anything _but _research since Gabe's little visit. She sucked in a breath. "I believe I will be more than fine for this baby."

"As long as you stay on top of it and are self-aware, I can't force you to take any medications, Miss Fawcett." He smiled. "Now, would you like to see a picture of your baby?"

Ryan blinked back tears. "You can do that? Already?"

"Well, it won't look like a baby, but if we're lucky, you will be able to see a little bit…"

She giggled as the tears now streamed down her face. "Yes. Please. I want to see her."

The doctor chuckled. "It might be a boy, you know."

She shook her head. "No. She's a girl, I can tell. And she already has a name; Hope." _She's my hope, my hope that I did the right thing, the hope for my life to mean something, the hope for me to be what I need to be. _

* * *

**November Ninth **

The cries lit the momentary silence of the room as the doctor said, "You've got a little girl, Ms. Fawcett!"

Ryan's head fell back onto the pillow and she began sobbing, all of the pain of the past two days forgotten. The nurses cleaned the baby quickly and handed the little bundle to her. Ryan gasped as she took in the beauty of her daughter. "She…she looks just like her daddy," she managed, and the baby did. She had his elfin ears, his nose, the shape of his eyes, his full lips…she was the image of Dean. That made her sobs even harder as she cradled the baby close. "Oh, sweetheart, I promise, I'll do right by you."

"Does she have a name?" the matronly nurse asked.

Ryan smiled through the tears. "Hope. Hope Deanna."

At six pounds, eleven ounces, Hope was perfect, and quite big and healthy to have been born three weeks early, but Ryan knew when her daughter was conceived, there was no doubt. The doctors didn't question, they just went with it.

Later that day, Ryan was guided in the art of breastfeeding and she smiled at her daughter's already insatiable appetite. "You're definitely Dean's," she mused quietly as she rubbed the baby's soft blond hair. "No need to worry about you not eating, that's for sure." She gently picked up the baby and moved her to the other breast and smiled again as the baby latched right on. The lactation consultant had been quite surprised by how alert and eager the newborn had been to eat. "You don't know her father," Ryan had told the nurse. Bobby had regaled her with stories about how Dean had almost eaten him out of house and home when he would stay with him. When the baby finished, Ryan put her up on her shoulder and began patting her, burping her. "You're an angel, Hope, my angel. I'll do everything in my power to protect you."

* * *

**December Sixteenth,**

Ryan smiled at their neighbor as she walked up the sidewalk to their modest duplex. She had wanted to rent a house for her and the baby, but she had settled on the small duplex here in Elkhart, Indiana. She wasn't sure why she picked Indiana, but it seemed as good a place as any. She liked being near the simplicity of the Amish in Shipshewana and the town of Elkhart was small enough to feel safe, but big enough she wasn't scrutinized by everyone. Plus, she was only a small drive from Lake Michigan and she had always loved the water.

"Okay, Hopey, let's get you inside, then we'll go nurse you then we'll both have a nap, sound good?" Ryan cooed to the baby in the carrier as she sat it down on the landing. They had just come from Hope's six week well baby check and the kid had been less than thrilled to receive a shot in the leg. Well, Ryan hadn't handled it well, either. Her hormones were kicking her ass, but she was managing.

She pushed the mail to the side with her foot as she opened the door. She would need to check the paint on her devil's trap again. She knew shoving the mail out of the way could damage it, and all it needed was a bit of damage and it was rendered useless.

She nursed the baby, almost falling asleep herself, and then put her daughter down for a nap before she walked back to the front door to gather up the mail. There were a few bills, a couple of catalogs, her issue of Southern Living, which she loved for the recipes, and a package.

She eyed the brown envelope curiously. No one had her mailing address, and by the looks of this, it hadn't been mailed. In fact, there was nothing on it except her first name in a scrawling script.

She took it to the kitchen table and ran her EMF detector over it, just to be on the safe side. It didn't pop positive, so she warily sliced the end open with her silver knife. When nothing happened, she blew out the breath she had been holding and pulled out a large stack of papers. It was a manuscript of some kind. A note fluttered out and fell to the floor. She picked it up and gasped. It was from Gabriel.

_Hey, Ryan. This is the real deal, straight from a prophet. You wanted to know more about why you were chosen? Well, this will start to clue you in. These are the Winchester Gospels and yes, they are legit. These two chuckleheads are important, and so, that means __you__ are important. These are to be read, absorbed for their information, and then burned. __NO__ONE__ needs to know about them, capiche? Take care of the kid. She's cute. Gabe_

Ryan sank down into the kitchen chair, all thoughts of a nap forgotten as she delved into reading about how Dean had shown up at Sam and Jessica's apartment because John was missing, how they'd found The Woman in White, who was actually a vengeful spirit, and how, upon arriving back at school, Jessica had been killed in the same way their mother had been. It took her every spare moment that day and she stated up late into the night until she finished it, and at the end, she sobbed for Sam. He hadn't asked for any of this, had, in fact, begged to be let out of the life, only to be sucked in by such a violent act.

She took a stuttering breath as she sat the manuscript down. "Oh, Gabriel…what have you gotten me into?" It was the first time she realized she may have gotten in over her head.

* * *

**November Eighth (the following year)**

Ryan sighed into the phone as she looked over at her daughter, who was trying to pull up to the couch. "Bobby, I'm sorry…I can't go on the hunt."

"It's a rugaru, Ryan. I'm neck deep in my own thing and need someone to go take care of it."

She smiled as Hope managed to pull up to a stand and walk along the edge of the couch. "I'm sorry, Bobby. If there were any other way…"

"Where are you, anyway? Haven't heard from you in over a year, girl."

"Yeah, I've been busy. Monsters are a busy line of work."

"Didn't you move to Brazil?"

_Shit. _She had forgotten she told him she was planning on the move, had, in fact, forgotten about the move in amidst the joys and trials of motherhood. "No, I couldn't quite fathom leaving The States for good."

"Well, good. We need you here."

_Like I've done any good lately, _she thought. But then she heard the baby begin to babble, "Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma," and Ryan couldn't contain the giggle. She distractedly listened with one ear as she snapped a few pictures of Hope with her camera. Finally, Bobby got her attention.

"I, uh, take it you're busy, huh? Why didn't you just say you were with a fella and be done with me?"

Ryan blinked, focusing on his voice over the phone. "What?"

"Go on. I remember what it's like to be young. I'll see if I can find someone else to do it. Take care, Ryan."

"Yeah, Bobby, you too." She snapped her phone shut and walked over to sit on the floor near the couch. "Who needs a stinky boy when I've got my angel-face, right, Hope?"

The little girl just smiled at her. "Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma."

"That's right. I'm your mama. Come on, Hopey, I know you want to walk. It's your birthday tomorrow. Don't you want to say you can walk by your first birthday?"

The little girl just looked at her with knit eyebrows. She had some of the cutest facial expressions Ryan had ever seen. "Come on, Hope. Come to Mama."

The little girl let go of the couch and stood there. Ryan smiled. "Come on. You can do it, sweetheart."

Hope took first one step, then another, then another. "Yes, yes, yes!" Ryan cried as Hope fell into her arms. "Great job, baby!" she cooed as she tickled the little angel and Hope giggled as her mommy blew raspberries on her tummy.

* * *

**January Eleventh **

Ryan was fixing Hope a cup of juice when she heard the news reporter on the TV say, "We have just received word that a bank in Milwaukee, Wisconsin is being held hostage. We go now, live, to our affiliate in the streets. Kim?"

Ryan's interest was piqued as she sat on the floor next to Hope and her pile of Weebles toys.

"Thanks, Jan, yes, FBI officials are on scene now and it appears as though they have suspects in the case. Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam, are wanted in connection to a string of murders in Maryland…"

"Oh, Dean, what have you done?" Ryan asked aloud as they showed both Dean and Sam's mug shots.

"Dada!" Hope called as she toddled over to the TV cabinet.

Ryan blew out a breath. She had managed to snag pictures of Dean, and Sam as well, through various high schools, as well as their mug shots from a variety of arrests and Sam's school I.D. "Yep, sweetheart, that's definitely your daddy."

She debated calling Bobby, but decided against it. She knew the boys would get out of it. That's what they were good at.

* * *

**March Twelfth, **

Ryan eyed the building with trepidation. She was about to do something crazy. Really crazy. And for her, that said something. She stood a bit taller and walked in.

"Be with ya in a second, hun!" the huge, pierced and tattooed man called from behind the desk.

She perused the art on the walls and swallowed her nerves before smiling as the man came over. "The name's Hank. What can I do for ya, sweetie?"

She bit her lip. "I want two pieces done. I'm sure I'll need them done separately, since they're in two different areas…"

"Sure, sure. You know what you want?"

She nodded and pulled out the two drawings she had mocked. "These just give you an idea of what I want them to look like."

He eyed them curiously. "Is the Latin right on this? I don't do refunds."

She laughed despite herself. "Yeah, it's right. Trust me. Do you have someone that can do it?"

The man nodded. "Sure. I can…"

"A female, perhaps?"

He smiled. "Yeah, we can do that. Trish! Got'cha a customer!"

The woman, Trish, had more ink than empty skin walked over. "Hiya, kid! What's up?"

"Got you a job," the man, Hank, stated. "You got time?"

"Hell yeah! Give me five, let me get my work station ready!" she commented as she dashed off to another room.

Hank turned to her. "She's hyper, but I love her. You will too, by the time you're done with her." He paused. "You a novice?"

Ryan laughed. "Not necessarily," she stated as she pulled her shirt sleeves up to show off her tattoos, and her scars. "I've had this done, and I've got some other work on my back. But for where I want this next one…" she bit her lip. "I'm…wary of men, okay? It's not you, it's me."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's cool. My sister's the same way." He looked at her sorrowfully. "You doing okay? She didn't do too well for a long while after it happened."

She sucked in a shocked breath, but blew it out and nodded. "Yeah, it was years ago."

He gazed at her. She was almost twenty eight years old, but she knew she looked a bit young for her age. Being away from the hunting had helped her not to age quite as quickly as others in the biz. "You're awful young for it to have been years ago," Hank commented softly.

She gave him a sad smile. It had been almost seventeen years since her attack. The years had dulled the ache, the fear, but nothing could erase it. "Well, not everyone gets a happy childhood, right?"

His eyes darkened. "They catch the bastard?"

"Bastard_s_," she corrected and nodded. "Yeah. They were…taken care of."

"Good. Me and my boys? We don't appreciate men disrespecting girls or women, you feel me?"

She smiled then, a true smile. "Your sister is very lucky to have you in her life."

"I like to think so," he told her with a chuckle. "So, where you want them? I'll get the info from you before Trish gets you inked. We'll get you scheduled for the other while we're here."

She followed him back to the desk as they discussed what she wanted, and where and they decided the tattoo on her shoulder would be done first, then, she could get the other one, on her stomach. It took no time at all for Trish to come get her, and before Ryan realized it, she was sitting on the tattoo chair, backwards, in just her bra and jeans.

"You okay for this?" Trish asked softly.

Ryan nodded nervously. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just…this is something I've wanted."

"Okay, so, 'non timebo mala'. It's Latin, right? What does that mean?"

"It means 'I fear no evil'."

"Oh. I like that. I might have to steal it from you."

Ryan chuckled. "Go for it. I've stolen it from someone else." She knew it was engraved on Samuel Colt's gun, she'd read it in the Gospel. It seemed appropriate to steal it. She couldn't fear any evil, not anymore. She had a child to protect.

"Great wing work, by the way. Who is the artist?"

Ryan's lips quirked. "Oh, a guy I met down in New Orleans, Gabriel."

"Wish you had his information. I'd love to have some wings like that."

Ryan chuckled. "They're one in a million, that much is for sure."

"I love the light and dark contrasts. It almost makes them look as if you could touch the feathers."

The woman started humming softly to the radio and Ryan couldn't help but smile as she hummed along to "Smoke on the Water" also. "We're kindred spirits," Ryan mused.

"Yeah, I noticed the lyrics on your arms."

"They remind me not to give up."

Trish lifted her sleeve to show Ryan a scar similar to her own and the trail of dandelion wisps along with "All We Are is Dust in the Wind."

Ryan's smile was grim. "Suicide sisters."

"Luckily my brother got to me in time," Trish stated softly.

Ryan's brows knit. "Hank. You're his sister."

Trish nodded.

"You're lucky. I don't have a brother. I don't have anyone, not anymore, except my daughter. She's my reason for living now."

"But she wasn't the reason you got those on your arm," Trish commented as she touched Ryan's back to prepare her.

Ryan shook her head gently. "No, those were because of a very dear friend. He helped me get focused as to what I wanted to do with my life." She sucked in a breath as the pain began, but she focused and began relishing it. The gentle tugs and the sharp stings soon lulled her into a zen-like state. The pain was relaxing, almost. She'd forgotten how good it felt to feel the tattoo take shape.

"All done," Trish said a while later. "You aren't dizzy or anything, are you?"

Ryan shook her head. "No. I'm eager to see it." She stood and when she didn't waver, Trish led her over to the mirror and handed her a small one so she could check out her reflection. "This is perfect, Trish. Thanks!"

Trish grinned. "Good. Now, we'll see you in a few weeks for your next one. A Doctor Who inspired tattoo, correct?"

Ryan nodded. "Can you do T.A.R.D.I.S. blue?"

Trish scoffed. "Is a fat baby heavy? Of course I can!"

Ryan laughed. "Alright then. Thanks, Trish. This is excellent."

Ryan stepped out the door a few moments later just as her phone rang. "Yeah?"

"Hey, it's Bobby."

"What's up, Bobby?"

"Feel like working a case for me?"

She grinned. She felt like a new person. "Abso-friggin-lutely. What'cha got?"

* * *

**June Fifth, **

Ryan's pocket began vibrating. She dug her phone out of her jeans and flipped it open. "Hey, kid," Bobby's voice said as soon as Ryan answered the phone.

"Hey, Bobby! What's happening?"

"Wanted to let you know there's a shitstorm brewing."

Ryan rolled her eyes as she walked back into the house. She had gone to get the mail. Today was her day off from the small accounting firm where she was working as a secretary. The job sucked, but it allowed Hope to have a somewhat normal life. The kid was even in daycare. Ryan didn't want to smother the baby, so when she'd turned a year old, Ryan had went out and got herself a real job. Ryan hated every minute of the menial tasks her boss handed her, but she loved her daughter, and that was the important thing.

"Isn't there always?" she said as she tossed the mail on the table and took a sip of the coffee she'd left to cool on the countertop.

"Yeah, well, just giving you a warnin'. I know you ain't keen on demons and we've had an influx of them recently."

Ryan swallowed hard and sank into the kitchen chair. "What do you mean, 'an influx of demons', Bobby?"

He sighed. "Look, there was extenuating circumstances and…"

"Spit it out," she implored.

"This thing called The Devil's Gate was opened and a bunch of demons spilled out of the thing before we could close it."

She gasped. "What?"

"We're getting it under control…"

"And by 'we' you mean you and the Winchester boys?"

"Yeah."

She bit her lip, thinking. She could easily get a babysitter. She felt safe enough leaving Hope with someone here, in her house. She had done it only a few times before, for jobs, but she could do it again, if she needed to. "Do I need to come up there?"

"Hell, girl, I know you and those black eyed sons-of-bitches don't mix…"

"Bobby…" she sighed. "Bobby, thanks for looking out for me, and for not sending me on more demon runs, but I can handle it. I've exorcized a few of them, you know." She had begun taking a few odd jobs here and there when she could snag a weekend away from Hope. She still kept her skills up, even when she was pregnant; she had continued training, shooting, throwing knives, so she was still as sharp as a tack.

"I do, girl, but they're your Achilles heel. I don't feel right about sending you out by yourself on those."

That put her back up. "Are you saying I'm incapable, Bobby Singer?"

"Hell no, kid. You're better at the job than half the people I know, but demons…they get in your head…"

"And we all know my head isn't screwed on straight to begin with," she finished.

"That ain't what I said. I swear, you young'uns are all a bunch of idjits. Damn it. Gonna put me in an early grave, the lot of you."

Her lip quirked despite herself. "What do you want me to do? Apologize?"

"Nah, that ain't your style."

She rubbed her temple. "Look, Bobby, I'm doing my own thing, but if you need help, you know I'd drop everything to give you a hand." She meant it, too. She would find somewhere safe for Hope to stay, then, she would help the Winchesters if she had to…if they wanted her to. She had been longing to see Dean again, but she wasn't sure yet if it was in the cards. Besides, it wasn't like she had a telephone number for the Angel of the Lord who'd rewired her innards.

"I'll keep it in mind, girl. Go on, I just wanted to give you a heads up since we just finished a job in Nebraska."

"You did?"

"Yeah. The Seven Deadly Sins. Nasty work, but we've got them all back down in Hell now, but if they got out, God knows what else got out."

Her blood ran cold as she thought of the demon that possessed her. "You keep me posted, okay?"

"Yep. For now, it looks like most of them are staying 'round here. The Devil's Gate was in South Dakota, now we're in Nebraska. I'll let you know if they move. You still east of here?"

She forced herself to take a breath. "Yeah. Indiana."

"Alright. Just keep your ear to the ground, let me know if something comes up you can't handle, alright? And look after yourself, kid."

"You do the same," she whispered as she heard him disconnect. Her breath started coming in short pants and she had to force herself to calm down as she felt the panic attack start. No, he wouldn't come here. That demon wouldn't know how to find her, right?

She heard Hope babbling from her room and knew the baby was now up from her nap. Maybe it would pay to move, just to be on the safe side…

* * *

**February Third, **

"Damn it, Bobby," Ryan seethed into the phone as she tried, yet again, to get him to answer. "Where are you when I need you?"

She sighed and rubbed her eyes before she blinked them open and looked at the map on her wall. So far, she'd managed to pinpoint the vengeful spirit's body. It had been cremated, so she was back to square one. Clearly, this thing was mobile, so she didn't know if she was facing ghost sickness, ghost possession, or if someone knew they had a ghost and decided to carry a piece of the thing with them everywhere they went.

Her phone rang and she picked it up, not bothering to look at the caller ID. "Bobby?"

"No, sweetheart, it's Ellen."

Ryan blew out a breath. "Hey, Ellen, how's it going?"

"Good. You find Bobby yet?"

"No. If I can't find him by the time I finish up this supposed simple salt-and-burn, I'll go up there."

"Well, someone wants to say hi to you."

Ryan was all smiles as Hope's tiny voice said, "Mama!"

"Hey, baby. You having fun with Ellen?"

"Home?"

"Yeah, sweetness, I'll be home soon."

"Bye!"

Ryan chuckled as Ellen came back on the phone. "She's a cute kid your cousin has. Too bad you're stuck with her."

The sharp sting of Ellen's tone didn't bother Ryan; she knew Ellen was just worried about her. Ellen was a mother hen. She worried about all the younger hunters. "Hey, you didn't do too bad raising a kid, Ellen."

"Yeah, but I wasn't the hunter in our family, either."

Ryan blew out another breath. "Well, I'm all the family the kid's got while my cousin is in rehab." It was the excuse she had began working on; the mysterious cousin who was hopped up on drugs in a rehabilitation facility. It was working, too. No one questioned it if you said it with enough conviction, and, hey, she was a hunter, a trained liar, just like Gabriel said. "And I have to keep hunting, especially when a freaking ghost basically shows up on my doorstep." She had been horrified when the events began happening in her and Hope's hometown. She had shuffled Hope off to one of the safest places she could think of, which happened to be Harvelle's Roadhouse, and raced back to Lancing, Michigan, to take care of things. She would move, too, yet again, before this was over. She didn't want anything supernatural touching her daughter yet.

"Alright, well, handle your ghost and hurry back. I'm not a babysitting service." She paused, then, "Damn it, Ash! The baby does not drink beer! I gotta go, sugar. Be safe."

Ryan chuckled as she snapped her phone closed before she began looking over her data again.

* * *

**June Twelfth, **

Ryan blew out a stuttering breath as she drove up to Singer Salvage. She hadn't seen Bobby since before the baby, though she had talked to him a handful of times on the phone and had taken a few jobs from him, too. The news she had read caused her to drop everything in her life outside of Dallas, Texas, and drive the fourteen hours (taking two days since she had toddler with her) to his door.

She pulled the sleeping girl from her car seat in the inky twilight and walked to Bobby's door with renewed tears. She couldn't believe it, she refused to. But The Winchester Gospels weren't wrong. She had followed up with them often enough to verify their legitimacy. Dean was dead. Gone. Killed by hell hounds for a deal he made to save Sam's life. She knew it. She wasn't sure why she needed to see Bobby to verify it, but she did.

She knocked on the door and heard, "I'm coming, damn it! Can't people not bother me when I'm…" he wrenched open the door and finished, "Busy. Ryan?"

She let out a sob and flung herself into Bobby's arms. "Bobby! Is it true?"

Her cries woke the little girl who blinked owlishly around.

"Ryan…what's going on? Who's the kid? What are you talking about?"

She sniffed back her sobs and pushed past Bobby to sit her little one down on the floor, digging out a cup of juice and a pack of saltines for the little girl, along with a stuffed bear from her impossibly large bag. She turned and Bobby just gave her a sad look before opening his arms again. She fell into them, sobbing. "Is Dean dead?"

She felt him nod. "He is, sweetheart. I'm sorry."

She started sobbing all the harder and she felt him guide her to the sofa. "B-but what happened, Bobby? Don't demon deals last for ten years? What the fuck happened?"

He didn't question where she got her information. The hunting community was a huge gossip fest and she wasn't about to tell him about The Gospels.

Those stories…She had devoured the first one, read it three times, in fact. Every computer printed story after that had held amazement and wonder as she learned how to kill a Wendigo with the boys, watched them take care of a scarecrow who was a would be pagan god, and on it went through the years, through John's deal with the yellow eyed demon, through Dean's meeting of a Reaper, through Sam's kidnapping and death, to Dean making the deal, thinking his life wasn't worth more than a year, their meeting of the demon, Ruby, who wanted to help them, all the way up to Lilith and her horrors and Dean being dragged to hell and Lilith's disappearance.

That was the last manuscript she'd gotten and she had freaked out. Granted, they came months apart, but when she'd received this one, three days ago, she had to come see Bobby as soon as she sobbed her way through the last page.

"Where's Sam?" she managed.

"Hunting."

"Have you seen him? I'd like to…"

"Like to what? Who is the kid, Ryan?"

"Sh-she's mine." There was no need to hide this from Bobby. Ellen? Those hunters at the roadhouse? Certainly. But not from Bobby. You couldn't bullshit him if you tried.

Bobby's eyebrow shot up. "Uh-huh. And if I was to ask who her daddy was, would you bullshit me and tell me she wasn't Dean Winchester's kid?"

Ryan's mouth fell open before she snapped it shut. "Bobby…"

"You let him knock you up? Damn it, you kids are going to kill me. And you never told him, right?"

She thought about what she'd read, how he had met up with the girl from his past, Lisa. That had hurt to read just as it hurt to know it was possible Hope had a half-brother out in the world she would more than likely never meet. Dean cared for Lisa, maybe even more, now that he knew she had a kid. And she knew he'd loved that girl, Cassie. He never thought of her, Ryan, not that The Gospels showed. That was fine. It bothered her, but it was better she stayed out of his thoughts. It would be too hard to explain.

"Hope is…special."

He looked at the little girl. "Hope, huh? Cute name. Cuter kid. She's yours, looks like ya a bit, but I'm not an idiot. You don't wanna say it, that's fine. I'll respect that." He eyed her. "You want booze?"

She smiled despite herself. "Yeah, I think I do. You mind if we crash for the night?"

He shook his head. "You got something you can put her in she won't get out and mess with anything?"

Ryan nodded. "I have a pack-and-play. She'll stay in there to sleep. She's not much of a climber."

"I remember Sam at that age, kid was like a monkey. John couldn't keep him in anything. I thought he was going to have to build a cage to stash the kid in just so he wouldn't wander off. Dean never left John's side. Sam, well, he was always eager to see and explore, damn the consequences."

She smiled at the love for the boys she heard in his words and she held in another sob. She walked to the trunk of Demon and grabbed the portable bed as well as Hope's bag. She got it set up, got the little girl ready for bed, and put her down. It was after midnight and she knew the kid was exhausted. Hope had been sleeping fitfully in her car seat for the last three hours. She was tired, too, but she had to know, had to talk to Bobby.

She walked back downstairs and found him with a bottle and two glasses. She downed the first dose he handed her, and at her raised eyebrow, he poured more alcohol in the glass. She downed it as well and winced. "You know, I really hate whiskey, but God, does it help numb things."

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, it does."

"What happened? There wasn't any way he could get out of the deal?" Even reading of their struggles hadn't made it easier to comprehend. They were the Winchesters. They always found their ways out of weird shit. The deal should have been easy to find their way out of, shouldn't it?

Bobby shook his head. "We tried. If we could have got the demon bitch that had his contract, it would have been easier. We almost had her, but she's crafty."

"Can I help?"

He sat back and folded his arms. "Help with what?"

"Kill the bitch," she stated simply. Dean Winchester was supposed to live, damn it. He was…they were…no, she wouldn't think about it. Not now.

Bobby shot her a look. "How much you hunted lately, Ryan? Seems as though you've been busy raising a kid."

"Damn it, Bobby, Dean means something to me."

"And he's in Hell, sweetheart. I wish to God he wasn't, but there's absolutely nothing we can do about it now."

"We could get him back. We could…"

"Make a deal?" he provided. "You honestly think Sam didn't try that? No one wants to deal. Not for Dean."

She was almost physically knocked back at the statement. "But…but _why_?" Obviously Dean was special for some reason. Gabriel wouldn't have made the deal with her for Hope otherwise, but what did Hell and it's rulers know about Dean that she didn't?

"I wish I knew."

They were silent for a few moments. "Can I have Sam's number? I would like to…"

"To what? Tell him he's an uncle?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "No. I have my reasons for not telling anyone. Reasons I would like for you to respect, Bobby Singer."

They stared at one another before he blew out a breath. "Yeah, kid, sure. Who am I going to tell? You don't want it known the kid is a Winchester. Honestly, I don't blame you. Keep your head down."

"Thanks, Bobby." She sipped the alcohol this time and wrinkled her nose. "I haven't hunted much, you're right. But I still train. I'm not letting my skills go flaccid. I partnered up with a few hunters on a big case down in Oklahoma a few months back. They didn't know about Hope. No one in the hunting community knows she's even mine, and they certainly don't know she's Dean's. I've told everyone she's my cousin's kid, and that I was looking after her while my cousin was in rehab."

"Good. Keep it that way. Hunter's kids have a way of getting, well, hunted. Or killed just because. Don't let her become something that puts you in jeopardy, Ryan. Get out, stay out."

"I can't," she said simply.

He shook his head. "I should know John Winchester would be the bastard you'd look up to. Gonna raise the kid in the life, are you?"

She pursed her lips. She couldn't tell him about Gabriel, couldn't tell him she had no choice. "Bobby, demons almost killed me as a kid. You really think I _wouldn't _tell her about the things that go bump in the night? I'm not quite the paranoid asshole John was. I'm learning how to parent her with all the knowledge of the evil of this world. I'll…I'll find a way to make it work."

"Keep telling yourself that, kid."

She sighed. "We'll be gone in the morning," she supplied.

"You ain't gotta leave, girl. Stick around a few days."

She bit her lip. "Does-Does she look that much like Dean?" She saw Hope every day. She _wanted _to see Dean in her, but she didn't know anyone else that knew him, so she couldn't ask.

He chuckled flatly. "Yeah, she does. 'Cept she doesn't have his green eyes."

Ryan held back a sob. "I know. I almost lost it the day her blue eyes turned brown. I kept hoping they'd turn green."

"She's beautiful, Ryan. Really."

Ryan gave him a watery smile. "Thanks, Bobby."

"You know, you could move up here. Be closer to someone that knows ya, cares about ya."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. It was the best she felt sure he could offer…a chance to stay and watch the next generation of someone he loved grow up. "Thanks, Bobby, but I can't. I have to keep her as far away from other hunters as possible."

"I get it." He picked up a piece of paper and wrote a number on it. "Here's Sam's number. His real one. He'll answer it no matter what."

She took it and pocketed the paper. "Thanks."

They finished their drinks and she stood. "I'll go to bed. We really will need to leave. I just…I had to be sure."

"If Sam can find a way out of this for Dean, I swear, I'll call you."

She hugged him again. "Thanks, Bobby."

* * *

**September Eighteenth,**

It was months later when Hope came running into the kitchen where Ryan was mixing up ingredients for her grandmother's peach cobbler recipe. "Mama!"

Ryan smiled and scooped the little girl up. "Hey, Hopey. What's got you so happy?"

"Mama! I's gots news!"

Ryan chuckled and nuzzled her nose into the little girl's neck. She was advanced for a two and a half year old, surprising the doctors with her language. At this age, she should be able to say a handful of words, but the sentences wouldn't come until later. Of course, Ryan was quite a talker, and she talked to the girl constantly, so she just assumed that was the reasoning behind Hope's superior vocabulary.

Hope had been watching television in the living room while Ryan cooked for her work's bake sale. She had to find a way to make money, so, she had gotten a job at the local Outreach mission. It didn't provide her with a lot of income, but she liked the fact she was giving back to the community in any way she could. Plus, the fact she could break up a fight between the homeless, should the need arise, was also a bonus. They were hosting a charity event the next day, with a bake sale and rummage sale in addition to a silent auction for higher priced items. She was in charge of the bake sale. So far, her kitchen was littered with pies, cobblers, and cookies.

She focused on the little girl. "What's that, sweetie?"

"Daddy's otay!"

Ryan's heart clenched. "What did you say?"

"Da angels says Daddy's otay!"

Ryan's brows knit. "Honey, what are you talking about?" Ryan made it a point to talk about Dean to Hope. She wanted her daughter to know who her father was, what a great man he was, how noble. She had pictures of Dean she showed the girl and they talked about how he hunted bad things, like Batman, but Ryan had never mentioned Dean was in trouble of any kind. After all, how did you explain to your toddler that her daddy was being tortured in hell?

"I's hweard it, Mama. Dey say 'Dean Winchester is saved'. So's, he's otay, Mama."

Ryan's legs went out from under her and she had to grasp the countertop to hold herself steady.

"Hopey…"

But the little girl ignored her as she squirmed out of her mother's grasp and went to climb into one of the kitchen chairs at the table where her Lego's were waiting and proceeded to build a pyramid.

Ryan blinked. _What just happened? _

Hours later, they were finishing up supper when her telephone rang. "Hello?" she managed as she extracted herself from the pile of dishes in the sink. She smiled over at Hope, who despite saying she'd heard angels talking, seemed to be her usual sunny self.

"Ryan, it's Bobby. Listen, I can't talk long, but you won't believe this. Somehow, Dean's back."

She felt the unconsciousness of fainting begin to envelope her and she sank to the floor of her kitchen and sobbed in relief.

She somehow managed to make it through the rest of the evening. She pretended to be normal for Hope, though her mind was reeling, and finally, she got the little girl bathed and in bed. She got out the bottle of bourbon, downed a generous swig, snagged a huge slice of cobbler, and bowed her head. She needed answers. And the last time she checked, there was only one angel on speaking terms with her. "Dear Gabriel, I pray to thee to get thou feathery ass down here and explain to me what the actual hell is going on. Amen."

She looked up and there he sat in the chair across from her. "Oh, cobbler. Is this for me?"

She lifted a fork and held it out to him, but then snatched it away. "Explanation time, dear Gabe."

He snatched the fork back from her and grinned. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"Dean?"

He took a bite of the cobbler and moaned. "Wow. This is really good. You'll have to give me your recipe. I'll have to see if I can reproduce it. Delish."

"Dean," she implored.

Gabriel took another bite, wiped his mouth, and said, "Yeah, he's important. So, my little bro got him out of Hell. No biggie."

Her eyebrow shot up. _No biggie? _"Okay. I'll just…I'll just go with that. But what about Hope?"

"What about her? She's cute. I should have known pretty Dean and beautiful you would make a gorgeous child."

She ignored the compliment. "How did _she _know you got him out?"

Gabriel blinked. "What?"

"How did she know you got him out? She came running in here and said she heard 'Dean Winchester is saved' in her head."

His eyes widened. "That…that's not possible."

She crossed her arms. "That's what I thought."

"No, I mean, she said that, exactly that?"

"Y-yes?" she stated uncertainly.

He blew out a breath. "That was verbatim what Castiel said. She…she appears to have heard Angel Radio."

She leaned back in her chair. "What is that?"

"A way we communicate. Where is the little girl?"

She didn't like the sound of alarm in his voice. "In-in her room, asleep. Why?"

Gabriel stood. "I need to see her. Now."

"Gabe, you're scaring me."

He seemed to be forcing himself to calm down. "Show her to me, please."

She stood as well and walked quietly to Hope's room.

Gabriel went and sat on the bed next to her and put his hand on her head. She was asleep on her stomach with her knees under her, her tush in the air. Gabriel closed his eyes and Ryan saw a soft blue light emanate from him to touch her daughter. His brows knit and he smirked as he pulled away. "Well, damn. Oops."

"Oops? You're saying 'oops' about my kid? What is going on?" _Don't panic, Ryan. He's an angel. He created you a uterus, I feel sure he could heal whatever is wrong with Hopey…right?_

Gabriel smiled. "I seem to have been a bit overzealous when I gave you her, Ryan."

She backed out of the room and beckoned him to follow her. Once he shut Hope's bedroom door he rounded to her and she slapped his face. "What the fuck, Gabriel?"

He just looked at her. "I gave the kid some Angel Grace by accident. It won't hurt her. She'll be more empathetic to people's hurts. She may even be able to heal some wounds. She's fine, Ryan."

"Your words say she's fine, but your eyes say something else."

He winced. "Yeah, well, it could potentially be a problem. So I'll fix it."

"You'll take it away?"

He shook his head. "Oh no, I'm not going to do that. It will be good for her later. In fact, it might be even better for her in the long run. No, I'm going to just give you both some marks so no angels will be able to see you."

She thought of the tattoo on her back, the anti-possession sigil with the angel wings that bore his name in Hebrew. "O-okay…"

"It'll hurt. I'll make sure she's deep enough asleep not to feel the pain, but it will hurt you tremendously."

Ryan licked her lips nervously. "Okay," she repeated.

He grasped her arm and walked her back to the kitchen. "I'd prefer you sit."

She plopped her butt in the chair and eyed him warily when all of a sudden pain flared through her and she gasped as she felt the blinding white heat travel through her body. It was over as soon as it started but she sucked in a breath. "What was that?"

"I gave you sigils, markings on your bones to protect you against other angels. No others besides me will be able to find you. Now, let's do the kid."

"Will it hurt her that bad?"

He didn't answer. She trailed along behind him as he walked into Hope's room once more. He touched her and waved his hand over her, but the little girl didn't move. He smiled. "Well, good. The Grace saved it from hurting her."

They walked back out of her room. "You'll both be fine, Ryan."

"And Dean is okay?"

"He's alive. He may not be what one would deem 'okay'. You can't go to Hell and not be scarred, but he'll survive."

"Will I see him again?"

Gabriel smiled. "I'd count on it."

She took a deep breath. She wasn't sure she could handle any more information than that. "You know, I read the Gospels. I should toast your wings in holy fire for hurting the boys like you have."

He smiled, shamefaced. "What? Can't I have some fun with two dickheads?"

"You hurt Sam, you know, doing what you did."

"And we got Dean out of hell. I just needed Sam to see how he needed to let him go."

"You aren't going to apologize for any of that, are you?"

"Nope."

She let out a sigh of defeat. He was, after all, a supreme being to her lowly human self. "Okay. Good enough." She paused. "Thank you, by the way, Gabriel, for helping me tonight. You didn't have to come."

He smiled sadly. "You won't see me again, Ryan."

She blinked. "Why not?"

"Because, my time is coming to a close. I have choices to make. It will end me."

"Archangels can die?" She knew, from the Gospels, that some angels had been dying recently, but she didn't know archangels could die as well.

He snorted. "Yeah, we can. In fact…" Something slid into his right hand and he gave it to her. "This is an angel blade. It is one of the few things in existence that can truly kill an angel. I'm trusting you with this on the off chance you ever need it. And this…" he tapped her forehead and sigils swam before her eyes. "Those are some sigils to protect you against angels in the off chance you get surrounded by them. I don't anticipate you needing to know them, but, the world _is _going to Hell in a hand basket, so who's to say my brothers and sisters don't start coming down and wading into the fray."

She held the blade up for inspection. It was silver and double sided. It was absolutely the most gorgeous weapon she'd ever laid her eyes on.

"This Angel Blade is wicked useful though, since almost anything supernatural can be killed by it."

At that, she looked back up at him. "Anything?"

He nodded. "For the most part. But I warn you, guard it with your life. I don't need it getting out about these little beauties."

She shot him a look. "Gabe, who am I going to tell?"

He chuckled and tapped her nose, causing her to purse her lips. "That's what I'm betting on, sweet cheeks."

They were both silent for a moment as she tested the weight of the blade. It was well balanced, that much was for sure, and she wondered just where in the world or universe, rather, it had been forged. "So, you are afraid you won't make it out of this alive?"

He snorted. "Trust me. Big bro is too big of a dick to let me live. But, hey, that's cool. You and these kids and the Winchesters are my ace in the hole. One day you'll figure it out."

She barely knew the angel, but she didn't like the thoughts of him dying and she felt a tear spill out onto her cheek.

He grinned. "Hey, hey, no crying for old Gabe. Trust me. Aren't you still pissed I've dicked them both over a few times? And you're still crying for me? I figured you'd probably want to gut me like a fish with that," he gestured to the blade in her hand. "Anyway, it's okay. I'm resigned, which is why I made the trip back in time."

"Are you future you or past you? How did you know to come?"

His smile grew. "Archangel. Trickster. Don't worry, I've got more than a few tricks up my sleeves. And who knows? Maybe I did come visit you again in the future. So, maybe you will see me again."

"You're an evasive sort, Gabe."

He laughed at that. "Yeah. Trickster _is_ my nickname, after all."

She smiled at him and hugged him. "Thank you. For Hope. I don't think I remembered to thank you from before."

He returned the hug. "Well, hey, never let it be said I didn't do something good for the world."

She pulled away and turned. "You want to try some pie?" But when he didn't answer, she turned back, only to realize she was alone in the room. "Weird…"

* * *

**June Thirteenth, **

Ryan didn't knock as she walked into Bobby's house. "Bobby?"

"Hey, girl," Bobby's soft voice called from his office room. Ryan held in the gasp to see the man that she always thought was larger than life, sitting in a wheelchair. "Come on, I don't look that bad, do I?"

She smiled and bent to kiss his bearded cheek. "Hey."

"And you brought the kid," Bobby's voice was kind as he held out his arms for the little girl who eagerly sat in his lap. "Hey, little girl."

"Bobby!" the little girl giggled and snuggled into him.

Bobby smiled. "She's cute, Ryan. What are you two doing here?"

Ryan shrugged as she plopped down onto the couch. "We just thought we'd stop in and visit."

"Uh-huh, and you just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh? If it was just you, I'd half believe it, but with the kid…"

Ryan ignored him as she pulled out a cup of juice for Hope. "We wanted to come and check on you," Ryan admitted.

"I'm not dying, girl, I'm just in this damn chair."

"I know."

"How did you find out, anyway?"

She smiled. "I have my ways."

He looked at her pointedly.

"Rufus. Apparently he talked to Dean."

"And you thought it would be safe to bring the girl? What if Dean was here, huh?"

"I'd cross that bridge when I came to it, Bobby. I'm not _hiding _her from Dean, I'm just…not telling him."

"You're hiding her from everyone, everyone 'cept me. Don't know what I did to deserve such favor…"

She just looked at him. "I can't fool you, Bobby. You know those boys better than their own daddy did. I couldn't lie to you. To Ellen, to the rest of the hunting community, sure, but not you."

"Speaking of hunting community, I've heard you've been hunting, girl. What the hell are you doing that for?"

"I told you, I'm keeping my skills up. Just a few jobs here and there, I'm keeping my contacts, just…keeping myself sharp."

"You're a damn fool," he muttered.

She shrugged. "Maybe I am, but when a case all but falls in my lap, I have to do something about it."

"Yeah, but, hunting by yourself?"

"Not often," she stated petulantly. "Rarely ever, actually."

"You get yourself killed, I'll find a way to resurrect you so I can kill you again, kid."

She laughed. "I should hope so, Bobby."

"This is a mess, Ryan. You ought to tell Dean. He could use some good news…"

Her eyebrow shot up. "And finding out he's got a kid is good news?"

"Maybe. He was sprung from Hell, Ryan. That ain't no laughing matter."

She bit her lip. The things she had read in The Gospels…she wasn't sure Dean was in the right mind space for a kid. "I feel sure eventually he'll find out. For now, though…"

"For now, you're being a world class idjit, Ryan Fawcett."

She shot him a look. "Tell me something I don't already know."

Neither spoke for a few moments before Bobby sighed. "Well, you're here. Wanna give me a hand with some lore?"

"Lore? What kind?" Ryan asked as she stood.

"The biblical kind."

That stopped her dead and she turned to look at him. Hope had gotten down from Bobby's lap and walked to Ryan's bag to root around inside for her toys. "What?"

"Looks like we've got ourselves an apocalypse."

She blinked once, twice, then grasped the edge of Bobby's desk for support. "You're shitting me."

"I wish."

She sighed. "Damn it. Just when I think the world can't get any more fucked up, _this _happens." She was beginning to wonder what the point of having Hope was if they were all going to be dead anyway.

"Get in line, girl. It only gets more complicated from here."

* * *

**November Twenty-First,**

Ryan made a mad dash for the phone, causing Hope to giggle as Ryan stumbled and fell onto the couch. "Damn it," Ryan growled while Hope laughed.

Ryan stuck her tongue out at her. "You think you're so funny, little miss, just because you're three now."

"Mama is funny!" Hope clapped her hands.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Yo," she bellowed into the phone.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah, hey, Bobby. What's up?"

"You heard from Dean?"

She sat up on the couch as Hope climbed into her lap, bringing her stuffed bear with her and a book. "No, why?"

"I can't get him. Him or Sam. That ain't like them."

"I'm sure they're busy…they on a case?"

"Yeah. Some lady said it's The Incredible Hulk."

Ryan snorted out a laugh. "Bana or Ferrigno?"

"Ha, ha, I didn't ask."

She thought a moment, then laughed again. "Well, that's one for the record books, for sure. I was always a Ferrigno fan, myself. I remember Daddy watching that when I was a little girl. Or maybe it was the reruns on TV Land, I don't remember." She paused. "The boys think it's anything they can't handle?"

"Nah, I'm sure those idjits are fine, I just wondered. They're in Ohio, so I didn't know if maybe you'd heard from them."

She had forgotten she'd told Bobby where she was. Or at least, which state she was currently residing in, anyway. "I'm down by Cincinnati, you call me if they don't turn up, I'll go hunt them for you."

"Thanks, Ryan, I'll do that. Their angel friend is about half frantic looking for them. I guess if he can't find them, I'll have to get some humans in on it."

"Angel?"

"Don't ask. But, yeah, lore's about half right on them, too. You stay away from them. They seem dangerous."

She thought of Gabriel and nodded, though Bobby couldn't see her. "Will do. Let me know if you don't find them, alright?"

"Yep. See ya, girl."

She heard the phone disconnect and she looked at her daughter, who was pulling up the tabs on her pop-up book. "Your daddy and your uncle are the world's worst for getting into trouble. I sure hope they're alright."

* * *

**Unknown Date (I can only do so much with the timelines. Sorry…it's a bit vague)**

There was something wrong. Something bad. Ryan could almost taste the metallic evil in the air. When the telephone rang, she answered it with a sense of foreboding. "Hello?"

"Hey, girl."

"Bobby, what is it? Is it Dean?"

"No, him and his fool brother are both okay."

"Then…what's going on?"

"It's Jo, and Ellen. They're dead, sugar."

She gasped and collapsed into the recliner. "No. When?"

"Few days ago."

"You didn't think I'd like to come to the funeral?"

"I didn't want you there, to be honest."

His honesty cut her to the bone. "Why?" she managed as the tears fell.

His sigh was haggard. "Girl, Dean's torn up, okay? He feels responsible."

That sounded like the man she knew and loved. "He usually does."

"Look, it's done and over, okay? Just…I wanted ya to know."

"Yeah, okay, thanks, Bobby." They were both quiet for a moment before she asked, "What happened?"

"They went and tried to kill Lucifer."

She felt the shiver run down her spine at his name. "Bobby…is this going to get them both killed?"

"Girl, if they don't find a way to stop this, we're all going to be killed."

That's what she was afraid of.

* * *

**March Thirty-First, **

Ryan had just put Hope down for the night. She grabbed a glass of wine and sat down on the couch to read when Gabriel popped into the room.

"Fuck!" she growled as she jumped, spilling a splash of red wine onto the sofa. Luckily, it was leather. "A little warning would be nice, Gabriel," she muttered. But she took in the panic in his eyes and she stood quickly. "Gabriel? What is it?"

He sucked in a breath, then blew it out. "I need a favor. A big one."

"And bearing a child for no more reason other than because you asked is a _little_ favor?"

He smirked. "Ha, ha, ha. No, this one…it's bigger."

Her mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment before she inclined her head. "Okay."

"Okay…as in, yes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, damn it. Whatever you need, you know I'll do it for you, Gabe."

His brows quirked. "Really? No matter what?"

"Short of sacrificing my only born, yes."

He chuckled. "Thanks, you're a doll."

"Would you care to tell me what it is I just agreed to?" But he was already gone. She didn't have the warm and fuzzies about this.

Three nights later, she felt it…a whisper on the breeze… "_Ryan…I need you. I'm here. Please let me in_."

"Gabriel?" she whispered as she blinked awake. She wasn't one hundred percent sure she wasn't still dreaming. "Where are you?"

"_Will you let me in_?"

Her brows furrowed. "Of course. Where are you?"

"_Will you let me in_?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes. Come in, Gabriel," she stated. She then gasped as the sensations rolled over her. It was similar to being possessed, but…not. She could feel him, inside her. "Damn it, Gabriel! What are you doing?"

_I'm sorry, Ryan. Your vessel is of the bloodline. You are one of the few that can contain me._

"You're in my head, Gabe! You're in my fucking _body_!"

_You said you would do anything I needed._

"Yeah, but that didn't include you riding piggyback for…how long will you need to hang out in me, anyway?"

_Until I'm strong enough, until my vessel is ready. _

"Hope? You're going to ask Hope…?"

_No. Of course not. Hope is her own. She has a greater purpose in life._

Well, wasn't that just terrifying to think about? "Fascinating," Ryan deadpanned, taking great care not to show her worry. "So, what, you're just going to possess me?"

_No. I am here, within you, but I won't hurt you, I won't take over your body. I'm weak. I'm so damn weak, Ryan. _

He didn't sound like his usual, sunny self. She hated to admit, she was worried about the angel now within her. "What did you do to get here?"

_Let's just say I used more dark magic than angel grace to get me here, okay? _

She didn't want to know. "So…what's doing? You're just gonna hang out in me for a while?"

_Yep-e-roo. I'll protect you, too. Keep you safe on the hunts when you go out, chillax in Casa De Ryan for a while…_

Well, _that _sounded more like the Gabriel she knew and tolerated. "When you say 'a while' how long do you mean?"

_Don't worry about that. Just let me rest…_

"Gabriel. Gabe! Damn it," she muttered as he went silent.

She stood and walked to the bureau. She stared at herself in the mirror. "Damn you, Gabriel," she growled at her reflection. She didn't _look _any different. And she didn't really _feel _any different either. "I know you can hear me in there, Gabe. If you fuck with me, I will find a way to expel you, understand?"

_I would never hurt you, _his tired reply came.

She pursed her lips. He really did sound like shit. "Fine. But you'd better not be rummaging around in my thoughts too much. Damn it. Like I need this…"

_I really am sorry, toots. If there was any other way…_

She sighed. "It's fine. So, I'm of the vessel lineage, huh? Is that why you want me hooking up with Dean? Get three of the four archangel vessel bloodlines together? What? Trying to make a super-race of angels or something?"

He didn't answer and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine. Rest up, you big pussy. I hope you're happy, chilling out inside a chick."

He didn't reply.

Time passed quickly for Ryan, despite Gabriel riding shotgun in her skin. Occasionally, he would have an opinion about something she was doing, a hunt she was on, but for the most part, he stayed silent within her. He told her how her family dated back to Norway, and how she was actually related to Loki's form. There were people all over the world he could have gone to, but he felt safest with her, she wasn't sure why, and she didn't ask. If he felt safe with her, she would protect him, just as he was now protecting her. The whole thing would have been weird had it not comforted her, knowing he would protect her while she was on a hunt. They began talking, also. She asked him if, during that day, at the park, he had healed her, saved her from her depression, and he admitted he had. He'd just barely touched her as she ran past him while he was invisible. He made her see her own self worth, and had helped her overcome that particular hurdle in her life. As someone who had suffered such mental anguish, she wished there were more angels walking around, doling out healing to those in need.

Life with Hope also settled, into a nice, normal routine and Ryan found the love of her life in her child. The girl had so many of Dean's characteristics, even though she'd never met him. She shared some with Ryan as well, but it was clear the little girl was her own person. She liked what she liked and no one needed to mess with that. She also had her own time constraints. She didn't like to be rushed.

Ryan became more comfortable with being not only a mother, but a hunter. She didn't hunt often, but kept up her skills. She was wary, but she enjoyed her life. That was a hard thing to do.

The Gospels still came and she devoured them hungrily each time one showed up on her doorstep, but she had finally resigned herself to the fact she would never seen Dean again. It wasn't okay…she cared very much what happened to both Winchesters. Not just because they were related to her daughter, but because she remembered what they had been, the sweet and innocent boys who saved her life.

When she received The Gospel that foretold of how the apocalypse ended, and how not only did the boys save the world but Sam fell into the cage, she mourned his loss. She had the phone in her hand to call Dean before she read on…about how Dean made his way to Lisa and found a home there.

It hurt worse than she could imagine, and in the darkest of nights, she found herself falling into the pit of despair over it. Only Hope helped her get through those blackest hours. When she came to realize she would never _have _Dean, she accepted it, and she was glad to know he had found some semblance of happiness. She had their daughter. That was enough for her. It was over. Their time had come to a close. She accepted it with a tearful smile. It was bittersweet. She would never have another child. But that was alright. She loved Hope with all her heart and all her soul.

* * *

**(The timeline gets screwy here in the show with Sam popping up out of Hell. All the records I've found online says the show decided to do "Soap Opera Time" which means they make it look as though time moved forward when it actually didn't. So, for the sake of my story, I'm going to go with that and say the characters continued on in their year just like the characters in the show. That's the best I can do. So…suspend belief? LOL I've tried my hardest, so I'm just doing the best I can, keeping this in line with the show. Hopefully everyone can follow along)**

* * *

**April – One Year Later…**

"Are you ready?" Ryan asked Hope as she put the last suitcase in the car. They had never been on a real family vacation and Ryan was adamant they were going, just the two of them, well, three, if she counted Gabriel, which, she didn't. She had always wanted to go on a cruise. She had booked two tickets, had one of Bobby's friends, Frank Devereaux, forge their documents, (including making Hope a bit older since she was tall for her age, so the little girl could do something she'd always wanted to do) and off they went for seven nights to the Caribbean.

It was unlike anything Ryan had ever done. There, she relaxed fully for the first time in her whole life. There were no spirits, no monsters, no demons, nothing. She still had Hope wear the anti-possession necklace (the little girl never took it off anyway) and she had a friend custom weld some silver and iron handles on her suitcases that looked ornate but she could take them off to become knives, and of course, she had the salt, just in case, though, she didn't pour the salt lines. She'd gotten crafty and suspicious as she grew older, but she was able to enjoy herself fully as she and Hope swam with dolphins in Jamaica and with stingrays off Grand Cayman.

It was the most perfect of vacations in existence and they both came back relaxed, tanned, and full of laughter. It was, however, short lived.

* * *

**May Twelfth,**

They hadn't been home a week when children began dying, drowning in basements around the town. It was odd, because there was no standing water. That was Ryan's first clue something was amiss. It only took her a few moments of research to figure out what it was. A Rawhead. And it wasn't being too cautious, either. Part of her was terrified for Hope, but the other part of her, the hunter in her, was pissed off. This thing wasn't going to come in and destroy her safety and security. She began hunting it.

So far, she'd had no good leads, but that didn't stop her from being cautious as she closely watched her daughter. They had just finished dinner when she heard the timer ding on the dryer. She hated the fact the washing machine and dryer was in the basement of the house, but, what could you do?

"Can I help?" Hope usually folded the washcloths, and, occasionally, Ryan let her fold some of the bigger things, too. Right now, they had been learning how to pair socks.

Ryan really didn't want her in the basement, but she sighed. "Sure, kiddo, why not?" She knew she couldn't act too off about this whole thing. Hope was intuitive. If she thought something was going on, she would freak out.

Ryan checked to make sure the taser was on her hip, along with her gun and knife, and they made their way down the stairs.

Ryan quickly looked around, and seeing nothing amiss, began pulling the towels out of the dryer. She tossed them into the laundry basket and loaded it with the sheets. "Mmmm, these sheets will smell wonderful to sleep on tonight," Ryan commented as she turned the dial.

"I like to sleep on the warm, clean sheets, Mommy. They smell like Heaven that way."

Ryan giggled and rolled her eyes. The little girl had quite the personality. Just then, Ryan heard the telephone ring upstairs. She pointedly ignored it as she glanced in Hope's direction. The child was singing along with the radio Ryan had playing as she folded washcloths.

The phone rang again and Hope looked at her. "You gonna go answer the phone, Mommy?"

"It can wait, or I can call them back."

The little girl shrugged and continued until she had a huge stack of brightly colored washcloths leaning like the Tower of Pisa on the dryer.

The phone rang one more time and Ryan sighed. "Come on, let's go see who it is." It was probably Bobby wanting her to go on another case. He was helping a new guy learn the biz. She had yet to meet Garth Fitzgerald IV, but he sounded like quite the character.

"Okay, Mommy."

Ryan started for the stairs and stopped. "You coming?"

The little girl nodded. "Yep. Right behind you!"

Ryan chuckled as she walked up the stairs. She barely made it to the kitchen when she heard Hope's scream. Her feet seemed to grow wings as she flew down the staircase just in time to see the beast hovering over her little girl. Ryan zapped it with the obviously not strong enough taser and it ran away. She stood to run after it when the small voice of her daughter weakly called, "Mama…"

Her hunter's instincts warred with the love for her daughter for only a fraction of a second before she scooped Hope into her arms and dashed up the stairs with her to begin calming her down.

That was no easy feat. After finally calming the child, giving her a dose of Tylenol to knock her out, she put her to bed and blew out a breath.

"Gabe, what do I do?" she asked. The angel was apparently going to stay around a while, and she had taken to asking his opinion about things.

_What do you think you should do? _

"I think I should go after it."

_I think you're right. _

"I was afraid you'd say that," she muttered. She called her neighbor, Mrs. Sandoval, who had become a friend and babysitter on occasion. The woman came over quickly enough and Ryan was all but sobbing as she opened the door.

"Ryan!" the woman called in her thick Brazilian accent. "What is wrong?"

Ryan quickly told the woman what had happened. "It's a Rawhead. If I don't go after it, a lot more children could die."

"You go. I stay with Hope."

"Could you?" Ryan trusted the woman implicitly. She was the great-aunt of her friend, Riana, from Brazil, so the woman knew of the Supernatural, enough to keep her daughter safe, in any case.

"Of course. She stay with me once before, yes?"

Ryan nodded. The woman had kept Hope before their vacation when Ryan went on a hunt with a new girl, Victoria Allard, or Tory, as she liked to be called, for a kitsune. The newbie was good, Ryan had to give her props. She was a few years older than Ryan, and had gotten into the life after her fiancé had been killed by a vampire. "Thank you, Mrs. Sandoval."

"You keep my Riana safe in Brazil, I keep your Hope safe here."

Ryan smiled and kissed the woman's cheek. She snatched up the bag she kept ready at all times and hit the road in pursuit of the thing. The only problem? She didn't know where it went, until a girl was drowned in the basement north of Nashville, Tennessee. From there, she followed a string of corpses that continued south west until she trailed it to a town outside of Little Rock, Arkansas.

She blew out an exhausted breath as she glared at the map in her room. She had been on the hunt for two weeks. Two weeks without her daughter. Two weeks trusting her care to someone else. She prayed fervently that someone upstairs was looking out for her kid as she desperately tried to kill this beast. She'd paid a guy in Tennessee to hop up her taser and for the right amount of green, he hadn't asked a single word, and her finger had hovered over Dean's number in her phone more times than she could count. She needed him there with her. This thing tried to kill their kid. He needed to help her. But she couldn't ask him that, she knew she couldn't. He was happy and situated and living a normal life somewhere, just like she had been up until a few weeks ago.

She finally scrolled through her phone. She hated to admit it, but she needed help. She wanted to get back to her daughter, damn it. She dialed Bobby. When he answered, she remained calm. She didn't need him going off and freaking out because she was freaked out. "Hey, Bobby. I've got a Rawhead down here in Arkansas. Think you could give me a hand?"

"Sorry, girl, I'm out of the country helping a hunter buddy. Give, ah, let's see…give Mark Campbell a call. You ever worked with him?"

She nodded, though he couldn't see her. "Yeah, I have."

He rattled off the number she already had and she murmured a quick "Thanks," before she hung up. She was ready to get this bastard taken care of so she could get back home to her girl. She quickly dialed the number. "Mark?" she asked when the voice answered.

"Yeah?" he asked in his soft-spoken voice.

"Hey, Ryan Fawcett."

"Hey, long time, no hear."

"Yeah, listen, I need help. I'm on a hunt down here in Arkansas. A Rawhead. You mind giving me a hand?"

"Sure. Got my cousin hunting with us now. He and I can come down."

She blew out a breath. "Thanks, Mark, really. I appreciate it."

"No problem. See you…tomorrow?" He paused and she felt sure he was figuring how long it would take them to travel to her. Finally, he came back on the line. "Yeah. Be there tomorrow."

She gave them the name of her motel and room number and sat back to go over all the information. She wasn't letting this thing get away from her now.

The next evening, there was a knock at her door. She smiled as she opened it and saw Mark Campbell. He was a nice guy. She gave him a small hug and said, "Mark, thanks."

"Rawhead, huh? Nasty pieces of work."

"You're telling me. I…it slipped my grasp in Kentucky." She wished she had known it needed stronger electrocution than she'd done, then there wouldn't be a string of deaths that led her to this place. The blood of those children was on her hands. She would never get over that.

"Ryan Fawcett, meet my cousin, Sam Winchester…"

Ryan's mouth fell open as Sam stepped into her room. "S-Sam?"

He grinned at her. "Yeah. Do I know you?"

She blinked. "Uh…yeah, sort of. I know Dean." It was easier to admit than how she knew Sam. She was afraid she might slip up and say something she wasn't supposed to, something that would raise suspicion about her having knowledge of.

His grin grew and he snorted as he appraised her. "Yeah, you're his type, aren't you?"

Something about the cold way he looked at her had her on high alert. He was…predatory, she supposed. He was different, yet similar to Dean. But where as Dean's dark humor and appraising eyes turned her on, Sam…scared her.

She cleared her throat and motioned to her wall of information. "So, here's what I've got so far…"

The next few hours were a flurry of activity as they figured out most likely where the thing would strike next. It was a large area to cover, but by following its patterns and kills Ryan had been keeping track of, it narrowed down their field of possible hits until they had a good idea where it would strike that night.

"You a decent hunter, Ryan?" Sam asked while Mark had gone out to get them food. Ryan had wanted to do it, but Mark offered, and there was no gracious way to demand she go in his stead. She didn't like the idea of being left alone with Sam. She wasn't sure why. Mark was a sweetheart, and Dean always made her comfortable. She had been more than shocked to find that the Campbell she knew was related to the Winchesters, but at the same time, not really surprised. Of course they were. Her life wasn't complicated enough, was it?

"Yeah, I am," she stated simply, because, she knew that much. She was a great hunter. She'd learned a lot on her own, and Bobby had filled in the rest. And even though she wasn't hunting as often as she could, she was still staying sharp. "Bobby taught me a lot, what your dad and Dean didn't, anyway."

Sam chuckled. "How exactly do you know my dad and Dean, huh?"

"Your mother and mine were friends in Lawrence, Kansas. We moved to North Carolina. You guys came and stayed with us once."

He tapped his chin in thought a moment. "Ahhh, that's right. Dean's first exorcism. How could I forget?"

She cleared her throat uncomfortably. She didn't like talking about that. She was far from the scared little girl she had been that night, and she was far removed from the woman afraid of men. She wouldn't be scared of him, no matter how obvious it was that Hell had done something to him. He wasn't like this…from what she'd read in The Gospels, he was a sweet kid, kind, caring, attentive…but this Sam was cold, calculating, a hunter in every sense of the word.

He was silent a moment, appraising her with arctic eyes. "You said you know Dean? You've hunted with him?"

"Yeah." Her tone was clipped. She wished she could figure out what it was about him that made her so uncomfortable. She hadn't been skittish around men in years, but he was seriously throwing her off her game.

"Why haven't you asked where Dean is?" he wanted to know.

_Shit! Rookie mistake! _She thought fast and shrugged. "I figured since you were hunting with Mark, and he's your cousin, ya'll just went on separate hunts. Why? He's not…dead is he?"

Sam smirked. "Nah, he's shacked up with some chick and a kid he thinks is his."

"That's…nice."

His eyes narrowed. "Jealous?"

She sat back in her chair and eyed him. She'd be damned if she would give anything away to the smug bastard. "Why should I be?"

"Oh, I don't know…you hook up a few times, you start thinking things…"

Her eyebrow rose. "I'm not some shrieking violet, Sam. Dean's a big boy. He can make grown up decisions. If he wants to shack up with some chick, good for him. I do have a life besides being one night in his." It was true, but it hurt to say, she could admit that to herself.

"Is that a fact? Well, good to know, I guess. So…are you the female equivalent of Dean? You hook up with a lot of guys?"

Tired of his shit, she leaned in closer and whispered in a deadly tone, "That's none of your business, Sam."

His hand drifted out to finger the errant curl resting on the sleeve of her pink plaid shirt. "So, Ryan, you said you learned things from my dad. When?"

Her confidence gone, she leaned as far back from him as she could. "In college," she stated simply as she stood to move away from him. They had been sitting together at the small table, but now she got up and walked over to the wall of information. He was freaking her out like a man hadn't in years. "He and Dean came and disposed of a vengeful spirit."

"I see. And you've seen Dean since then?"

"Just once…we worked a case together in New Orleans. Some witches."

"Ah, okay."

She turned to say something to him, but she gasped when she realized he was right behind her. He smiled genially, but his eyes were like hazel ice. "So…Mark?"

"Yeah, uh, we met up on a case a long time back. It should have been a simple salt and burn, but, hey, rarely are they ever, you know?" Her mouth was dry simply from his close proximity. He was so much bigger than her. How odd. It never occurred to her. Dean was bigger than her, surely, but he wasn't so damn _scary_.

Sam ran a finger down her arm. "So…have you made it a habit of fucking all my relatives, or just Dean?"

She gasped and slapped his face. "Fuck you, Sam. It's none of your business."

He shrugged and his smile grew. "Hey, I was just wondering if I needed to hop on the train and get my free ride or not."

"You…you…_bastard,_" she spat. "How _dare _you!"

He smirked but held his ground. "Hey, calm down. I didn't take you for a frigid bitch, Ryan. I guess I was wrong."

"Damn right you're wrong."

Instead of backing away, he moved closer until he had her all but pinned to the wall. "That's too bad, Ryan. I bet you're one hell of a firecracker."

"This isn't you," she whispered. "You aren't like this."

His smile was cold, soulless, almost. "You don't know me, Ryan."

"I know Dean didn't raise you like this," she reasoned.

He chuckled flatly. "Dean isn't here. I am."

She swallowed hard. _Gabriel! _she shouted in her head. She was terrified of him. There was no way she could stop him if he tried… Suddenly, she felt Gabriel take over for her and her body reacted. She brought her knee up between Sam's legs.

He hissed out a breath as he stumbled away from her. Gabriel gave her back control in time for her anger to flare and she punched him in the face as he fell to the floor. "I'm not a _whore, _Sam. I might have willingly fucked Dean but you aren't getting any free rides. You stay the fuck away from me, understand?"

He somehow managed to stand and nodded. "I'm…sorry. I thought…"

"No, you didn't think, did you?"

"I thought it was a game," he said softly as he stood.

"I don't play games when it comes to sex, Sam. Being gang raped changes your opinion of sex as a whole."

Something like sorrow flashed in his hazel eyes for a moment, but it was gone just as quickly as it came. They stood staring at one another for a moment before they heard the door open and Mark walked in. "Food," he said simply.

Sam walked over to him, now barely limping, but Ryan took a stuttering breath to try and calm down. This…this was not Sam. She didn't know who he was, but he wasn't Sam, not the Sammy that Dean loved, not the Sam she had read about in The Gospels. This…there was something _wrong _with him. They had tested one another with the silver knife, the holy water, all that jazz, but he definitely wasn't acting right.

"Ryan, you hungry?" Mark asked as he held up the bag that more than likely held her food.

She swallowed. She wasn't. She had lost her appetite, but she nodded. She needed to keep up her strength. "Yeah, starved." In her head, she muttered, _thanks, Gabe. _

He replied, _hey, what are friends for? _

It was pitch black when they made their way to the house that night. It was the only one that fit the profile in the vicinity with children living in it. There were two children there; a boy and girl, ages six and four.

"You okay?" Mark inquired quietly as they crept to the dwelling. He was quiet, that meant he was intuitive. Ryan knew he could sense the strain between Sam and herself.

"Yeah, I'm just eager to kill this bastard," Ryan told him.

"Me too," Sam grinned as he held up his taser.

"Okay, so, the mom's out with friends, dad is at work, there's a teenager babysitting. Their play area is down in the basement," Ryan told them. She'd done a full work up on finding out what the family was doing that night. "They'll be back from their pizza night in a few minutes. Keep your eyes peeled. No need to freak out the babysitter."

"She legal?"

Ryan shot Sam a glare. "Does it fucking matter?"

Sam shrugged. "Depends on how gracious she is to us saving her life."

She just looked at him. "You're a pig."

"Your opinion matters," he countered sarcastically.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes as Mark opened the small basement window and Ryan slid inside before she hurriedly made her way up the stairs to let them in the back door. Now, they waited.

It was cramped in the small closet with the two men as she heard the sounds of the house coming to life. Soon, she heard the children playing, then she heard another sound. "Go!" she hissed and they burst out the door, then the battle began.

They had worked out the strategy before they arrived. The thing knew Ryan, had her scent, it would never let her take the kids upstairs, so that was Mark's job while she and Sam handled the beast.

It slashed at them with razor sharp claws as they circled it, trying to get a good shot with their tasers. It reached out, batting them both around, shoving them before they could right themselves. They managed to encircle it again as they waited for the right opportunity to hit it. They only had one shot each, so they had to make it good. Suddenly, Sam switched directions and grabbed Ryan before giving her a shove in the beast's direction. It clawed her and she felt the searing pain as its hand sank into the flesh of her right shoulder. She cried out and tried to turn but it had gotten its claw stuck in her skin. That was all Sam needed to juice the thing and she just barely managed to wrench herself free as it began convulsing. She shot it with her taser as well and the combined electricity had it reduced to a pile of vicerous junk only moments later.

Hot tears were running down her face as the rolling nausea from the pain traveled through her. She wavered on her feet and Sam caught her as she fell. "Sorry," he muttered as she lost consciousness.

She came to sitting in the passenger seat door of the Campbell's van. "We gotta go," Mark muttered as he helped her get her feet in the car.

She was woozy and she could feel the blood oozing out of her as they tore down the road back to the hotel. She glanced at Mark, whose face was tense, then toward the back where Sam looked quite pleased with himself. She kept quiet until they helped her back into the room and Mark helped her take her shirt off so he could assess the damage.

"Shit, it's bad."

"Stitch me up," she muttered as her eyes narrowed at Sam. "Was that necessary?" she managed as she almost vibrated with anger.

"What?" he asked as he plopped down next to her, handing her the bottle of whiskey.

She downed a generous mouthful and snarled, "Throwing me to the fucking thing."

He looked surprised at her accusation. "Excuse me?"

"You tossed me at that fucking thing like I was a snack! You almost got me killed!"

"I did not!" he shot back heatedly. "We were working together to take the thing down!"

"Was that what it was? Because it felt like you were using me for bait so you could take the kill shot, Sam."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy you two," Mark muttered as he came over with the first aid kit from the van. "Let's get you cleaned up."

She tried to hold it in, but she screamed as he poured whiskey over the wound. "Fuck!" she growled.

"This'll hurt like a bitch," he muttered.

"Ain't my first patch up, Mark," she commented as she laid her head down on the back of the chair she was currently straddling. "Remember Tulsa?"

He chuckled. "I seem to remember it was _you _who patched _me _up."

She smirked. "Good times." She was surprised when a hand found its way to hers.

Her head shot up and she looked into contrite hazel eyes. "I really didn't do it on purpose," Sam told her softly. "I thought you were ready to juice him."

Her eyes narrowed yet again. She wasn't sure she believed him. There had been something in his eyes, like he'd gotten a thrill out of seeing her hurt. But maybe she was imagining it. Maybe he hadn't meant it. Maybe he was just that different from Dean. Maybe she was just exhausted and ready to get back to her kid. She felt the needle enter her skin and all her other thoughts disappeared. None of it mattered now. It was over. She was alive. The monster was dead. That was a victory, wasn't it?

* * *

**AN2: So...hope you all enjoyed! I've got one more chapter, then, we go see Ryan's POV of Chapter 5 (the vampire one). See you then!**


	12. In My Daughter's Eyes

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even my house or car is in my name. My credit sux. Don't sue, kay? **

**AN: Hey, guys! Thanks for the love last chapter! Glad you're all hanging in there and enjoying the ride. New chapter! We meet some new girls along the way. Don't you all wish there were some kick-ass female hunters on the show? I do. And that's why I created them. I saw a manip of Danneel, Gen, and Victoria as hunters and that gave me a great idea. So, my character, Tory, looks like Misha's awesome wife. Just FYI in case you needed a picture in your head. :) See you at the bottom...**

* * *

**August Fifth,**

A few months later, Bobby called. "How do you feel about hunting a Wendigo with the new kid?"

Ryan stepped into her office, closed the door, and sighed. "Which one?" She was working for [BIG]ersons as a GM outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. After the Rawhead, she and Hope had moved west for a while. She wasn't certain it was the best place to move, but it didn't have a lot of supernatural activity, so that's what sold her on the place.

"Garth."

"Damn it, Bobby…"

"Come on, I've got my own stuff going on, kid. I need a favor."

"You'll owe me."

"Put it on my tab."

She chuckled. "Fine. I've got a long weekend coming up. Where is it?"

"Up here, near me. Outside of Pierre."

"Tell Garth to get two flair guns. I'll bring my flame thrower."

"How's the kid?"

Ryan smiled as she looked at Hope's picture in the silver frame on her desk. The girl still looked like Dean. She was gorgeous. She was smart, too. She was already excelling at numbers and Ryan had fudged her birth certificate so she could start school early. She was in a great year-round school near their house. The kid didn't like the journaling that accompanied her schoolwork, nor was she particularly good at it, but the teachers seemed confident she would catch up. "She's great."

"Send me a new picture on email, girl."

She laughed. "I'll bring one. I'll pop in and see you after the hunt is finished."

"You got babysitting lined up?"

Her eyebrow rose. "You want to watch her?"

"I wouldn't mind."

She smiled. She wouldn't doubt that he would love to see her again. The last time he had visited, when she'd moved to Utah, he had thoroughly enjoyed spoiling the little girl. "Sorry to disappoint, but I have a friend, a hunter, who will look after her."

"Is that wise?"

"Hey, you're training Garth, I'm training Tory Allard, you remember me mentioning her?"

"Yeah, she's a decent hunter, quick witted, too. Seems to remember everything she's ever read."

"She's eidetic. She's got a photographic memory."

"Huh. No wonder she remembers everything. Guess that's what makes her such a good hunter, huh?"

"Yep. She'll look after Hopey while I'm gone."

"Alright. See ya in a few days, I guess. Be safe, Ryan."

She smiled. "Safety's my middle name."

He let out a snort. "Whatever you say, 'Safety'."

Five days later, she stormed into Bobby's house, covered in blood and mud and nursing a few burns. "God Damn you, Bobby Singer!" she shouted. "Damn your ass straight to Hell!" She was pissed the fuck off. "I need a shower, a shot of something, and a fucking spark plug for Demon. Where the hell are you?"

She paused as she saw a woman and a boy standing, frozen, at the kitchen counter. "Uh…"

"Troubles, girl?" Bobby asked as he walked in.

Ryan blinked and blushed. "Sorry…didn't know you had company…"

Bobby eyed the two civilians and sucked in a breath. "Well, this is Lisa and Ben Braeden. They're staying with me a couple of days."

She gasped as she dropped her duffle bag. No. Not here…they couldn't be. She didn't see the Impala. Dean wasn't…her eyes shot to Bobby's and he shook his head minutely. She sighed in relief. Good. Dean wasn't here. "Sorry for the outburst. I'm tired, I'm sore, and hey, look at that, I'm nursing a damn burn from your idiot friend."

Bobby chuckled. "Come into the office, kid, let me look you over, then you can shower."

She wrinkled her nose and picked up her duffle before she followed him into his office room. She slid the pocket doors closed and whisper-yelled, "What the hell, Bobby? Is Dean okay?"

His eyebrow shot up. "I knew you realized who they were, I just don't know how."

"The less you know, the better."

"I'm beginning to see that." They stared at each other a moment before he pulled out a glass and a bottle. He poured her a shot of bourbon and she drank it down gratefully. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and repeated, "What the hell, Bobby?"

"Dean got attacked by a djinn. He's fine, Sam's with him, but he wanted the woman and kid safe for a few days while he handled it."

She sank onto a chair. "I don't…I don't know what to say. What's going on? I thought Dean got out?"

"And best I can tell, something's trying to pull his ass back in."

"No…he can't. He's happy, isn't he?"

"Well, not at the moment, but, yeah, I'd say so."

She swallowed hard. "Okay. Okay, as long as he's happy…"

"Girl, you're going to drive me to drinking."

She smirked. "Thought you already did that, Bobby."

"Well, drink _more _in any case."

She smiled sadly. Her eyebrows quirked. "Is he really alright?"

Bobby took his cap off and rubbed a hand through his hair. "Damn it, girl, you could have admitted you were in love with him, told him about the kid. It would have saved you a hell of a lot of heartbreak."

She didn't question how he knew. She didn't make any bones about it to herself. She loved Dean, probably always had. "I can't, Bobby, now, more than ever, I can't. He's with another woman for crying out loud!"

"He wasn't, not until Sam fell in the hole. How old is Hope now? Four? Five? You've had at least that long plus a whole nine months before to tell him the truth." He paused, "What you been doing with her, anyway?"

"Keeping her safe," Ryan stated stiffly. "You know this. You've seen us."

"And you're doing a hell of a job raising her, but why haven't you told Dean? He's got a right to know he's got a kid."

"Like the kid in your kitchen?" At his look she rolled her eyes. "I'm not a complete idiot, Bobby. I know the kid's Dean's, he's got to be. He looks just like him."

"If he is, she ain't telling."

Ryan let out a snort. "Yeah, well, some things should be kept from him for his own good. Apparently knowing about illegitimate children is one of them."

"Damn you, Ryan, you're a pain in my ass."

She crossed her arms and stared at him. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Garth still alive?"

She glared at him. "Yes, no thanks to him."

"You alright? Really?"

Her body sank in defeat. "Well, before I was just tired, hungry and sore. Now I'm tired, hungry, sore, and emotionally scarred, but, yeah, I'm fine. I do need a shower, though. Rutting around in the muck and mire is less than fun. Being beaten to a bloody pulp isn't a walk in the park either. Then getting burned with my own damn flamethrower didn't make me any happier."

They were both silent a few moments.

"You sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, Bobby," she ground out, but her tone held in the tears she didn't realize she had begun to shed. "It's a lonely job, you know?"

"Hunting?"

"Being a single parent," she replied softly as she stood. "Give me ten, then I'll come back, let you check my burn. It's not bad, nothing a little cream and some gauze won't fix."

"Ryan…"

She shook her head as the tears fell faster. "Don't," she whispered. "Please." She all but ran from the room and up the stairs to the bathroom, where she locked herself in. She turned on the water as hot as she could, stripped naked, and sank to the floor of the old claw foot tub as the sobs wracked her body. She should be happy for Dean. She _was _happy for Dean. But seeing Lisa and Ben just made her realize how badly she wanted that happily ever after.

_I'm sorry, _Gabriel comforted. _I'm so sorry, Ryan. If I had known…_

"I still would have done it, Gabe," she murmured. "You won't tell me the end of the story, but I get it, Dean's kids are a big deal. The second generation, right?"

_They are very important, _he replied guardedly.

"Well, he's got two, doesn't he? Ben's his, right?"

_I don't know, sweetcheeks, not without testing him. _

She didn't know what testing him would entail. "Doesn't matter anyway. Dean's happy, that's the main thing. And now, obviously, he has Sam back, too. So…he's good."

_I hope, for his sake, it lasts. _

That sounded ominous to her, but she left it alone as she quickly scrubbed herself clean and dressed in another pair of jeans and her favorite band tee. She contemplated the flannel shirt, but knew Bobby would need to check the burn on her arm, so she just tied it around her waist. She put her wet hair in a plait down her back, and hurried back downstairs. She found Bobby in the kitchen with Lisa and Ben again.

"I'm sorry for interrupting," Ryan stated again.

Lisa smiled at her. "No problem. Are you hungry? We're about to eat some sandwiches."

Ryan's stomach growled loudly, reminding her she hadn't eaten since sometime day before yesterday when the hunt began. Lisa laughed. "I'm guessing that is a yes."

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, thanks. It's been a while."

"You like rock music?" Ben piped up.

Ryan glanced down at her AC/DC tee. It was a vintage one she'd found in a thrift shop in California, when she'd been out that way on a hunt. She smirked at the boy. "You could say that. I love music, but Classic Rock is my favorite."

"Mine too."

"Right on," she nodded as she held out a hand for a fist bump. He was a hell of a cute kid. What was he? Ten? Eleven? Almost a teen. Yikes.

"Are you a hunter?" Ben asked excitedly.

"Benjamin Issac! Manners!" Lisa chided.

Ryan ignored Lisa and answered him. "Yeah, I am."

"Do you know Dean and Sam?"

It killed her, but she nodded aloofly. "Yep, sure do. Everyone worth their rock salt knows the Winchesters."

"They're cool."

"Indeed," she mused.

"Let me go patch you up," Bobby stated gruffly as he stood and walked to his office again. She followed him and he made quick work of applying salve and a gauze pad to the burn. "It's not too bad."

She nodded. "Yeah, it hurt more because I wasn't expecting it, rather than anything else. It was my own fault. I shouldn't have given him the damn flame thrower in the first place, but I was afraid he wouldn't be able to aim the flair gun fast enough…"

Bobby chortled. "Probably a good idea. You don't need me digging one of those flairs out of your side."

She wrinkled her nose. "No, definitely not."

"You gonna be alright for this?"

She knew he wasn't talking about the patch job. She spared a glance into the kitchen at the pair working together, side by side, much like she and Hope did and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Say, you got a spark plug for Demon? She's acting funny, pretty sure that's all she needs."

"I'll go check her out. You go ahead and eat. I know you're eager to get back to Hope."

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, I miss the little booger."

"I bet."

Ryan stood and reached into her duffle. "As promised, a new picture."

Bobby took it with a smile. "Yeah, she beautiful, Ryan. Looks more like you. Her hair's got that red tone to it, your brown eyes, but the rest…"

She sucked in a breath. "I know." Dean was imprinted all over her features. Only the fact that Hope and Dean weren't in the same room saved anyone from knowing the truth of her paternity. She watched Bobby go outside and she steeled herself for the conversation she would have with the Braedens. _Sack up, Ryan, _she thought as she walked back to the kitchen. She watched as Ben sat down with a huge sandwich on his plate.

"Are hero sandwiches good for you?" Lisa asked her.

Ryan grinned and put on her bravado full force as she snagged a soda from the fridge. "If it stays still on the plate, it's good enough for me. I could eat a horse."

Lisa chuckled and began fixing the sandwich.

"I can do that…" Ryan started.

Lisa shook her head. "Don't worry. I've got it. You look exhausted. Will you stay and rest, or…?"

The thoughts of seeing Dean again were sending her into a frenzy of panic and she had to swallow down the nausea associated with the increased adrenaline coursing through her veins. There was no way she could be here when he got back. If he and Sam were hunting that djinn together, it would take no time at all for him to come back for his family. Her heart clenched. His family. Dean had a family, and it wasn't her and their child. "Nah, I've got to get going."

"Hunters don't stay anywhere very long, do they?"

"Not generally," Ryan mused as she took a large drink from the can. "But I have a home base. I'm only here as a favor to Bobby."

"I heard."

Ryan blushed and touched the cool can to her burning cheek. "Yeah, sorry about that outburst earlier. I'm normally not quite so…"

"Vocal?" Lisa supplied.

Ryan laughed. "No, I'm always vocal, but I do have the sense not to curse around kids."

"I'm not a kid," Ben murmured under his breath.

Ryan's lips quirked around the soda can as she took a drink. She swallowed and smiled. "No, you definitely aren't. How old are you? Fifteen? Sixteen?"

He shrugged indifferently and she held in a smile. The kid was good with the sullens. She should know, she had one at home that was the same way. A Winchester trait if she'd ever seen it.

"I'm eleven and a quarter," he stated stiffly.

Ryan's eyebrows shot up. "I would have pegged you for older."

"That classic car you drove up in yours?"

She smiled at him. _Definitely Dean's. _"Yep. 1965 Ford Falcon. She's a little small for hunting, but I don't have a partner, so she gets the job done."

"Is she okay? You said something about a spark plug."

She nodded. "Yeah, she's good. She's an old girl, so I have to keep her in top condition."

Apparently the thought of the car wasn't enough to dissuade Ben from what he really wanted to know as he asked excitedly, "What were you hunting?"

"Ben…" Lisa warned.

Ryan smiled. "It's okay. I was hunting a wendigo."

"Cool! I was one for Halloween. Dean helped me make my mask."

Her heart clenched anew. Halloween. The night kids and their parents go around the neighborhood, together, collecting candy. She thought of her and Hope's Halloween and she couldn't quite help the grin. "Good for you. My little girl went as a witch, but then, she's really little, so she's not really excited for masks. They freak her out. We settled for face paint instead."

"You have a child?"

_Shit! I shouldn't have said anything…_ Ryan nodded as she turned back to Lisa to answer her question. It was too late to back out of it now. "Yeah, well, sort of. She's my cousin's, I'm her primary caregiver."

"I didn't think hunters…I'm sorry, none of my business."

Ryan cleared her throat. "Yeah, well, things happen. She's the light of my life. That's why I don't hunt often. And I wouldn't be hunting now if Bobby wasn't such a good friend."

"That must be terribly dangerous, hunting while you have a little one at home."

_If only you knew, _she had to keep up the hunting, it was part of what she considered her 'deal' with Gabriel. Luckily, she had him in her pocket, so to speak, to keep her safe. "It is, but she's safe, and I stay safe, mostly," she growled as she fingered the bandage on her arm. "I usually just step in from time to time, helping when I'm needed, and with occasions such as this, training the newbies."

"You can do that? Train to be a hunter?" Ben was just full of questions. So much like Hope, who never stopped asking this or that.

Ryan nodded guardedly. "Yes, but it's a decision that an adult has to make. It's not all fun and games. I know a lot of people who have died."

"But…monsters are real. Shouldn't everyone try to…?"

"It's dangerous," Ryan reiterated. "It's dangerous, and had it not been for the fact I had been really hurt by a monster when I was younger, I wouldn't have become a hunter, either."

"But you can quit," Ben stated coolly and her eyebrow rose. She had the distinct impression Ben didn't appreciate the fact Dean had given up hunting.

She sighed as she sank into a chair. She really _should _stay. She needed a rest. "Ben, it's Ben, right?" He nodded. "Well, Ben, it's like this…once you've seen so much bad stuff, once you've been hurt enough, once something or someone you care about gets hurt…it puts things into perspective for you. Eventually, you have to get out for your own sanity."

"I don't see how that's possible. How can you just give up knowing so many people are still getting hurt?"

_Oh, he's definitely Dean's. That drive to make everything right…I've seen it, I've read about it, I love it. _

"Ben," Lisa stated softly, "She's tired. Don't pester her anymore." She looked at Ryan as she sat her sandwich in front of her. "What did you say your name was?"

Ryan grinned. "Joan Jett." She sure as hell didn't need Lisa or Ben telling Dean they'd met her.

Lisa chuckled as Ben said, "That's not your real name."

Ryan winked at him. "I've got a kid to protect. I don't give out my name to just anyone, mister." Ryan glanced down at her sandwich. "Thanks, Lisa, this looks great."

Lisa sat, with her sandwich, and when Bobby came back in a few moments later, they were all eating in companionable silence.

"Got your ride all fixed up, girl," Bobby told her gruffly.

She looked up at the older man and smiled. "Thanks, Bobby. You're the best." She stood and stretched. "Thanks for the sandwich, Lisa. It was really great to meet you."

She paused and glanced at Ben, who was now playing on a gameboy or something. She really wasn't up on all that gaming crap and Hope wasn't really interested in that kind of stuff. Yet. She had the feeling the little girl would be, though. She already played on Ryan's smart phone half the time. "You look after him, okay?" She wasn't sure if she was talking about Ben or Dean.

Lisa smiled and ruffled Ben's hair. "I will. You take care of yourself, Joan."

Ryan smirked. "Safety's my middle name," she stated. Bobby rolled his eyes as she walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek and quickly dashed out to her car before she could start crying again.

* * *

**September Sixth,**

"Come on, kid, let's go." Ryan had agreed to help out at the local homeless shelter, feeding everyone a Labor Day cookout. Hope was fascinated by the idea of helping the poor. Her daughter was one of the most giving children she'd ever met. They walked into the building and Ryan immediately headed for the kitchen. She loved cooking, always had, and she had agreed to help in the kitchen working the hot dog roller and making potato salad.

"Mama, you going to make Grandma Fawcett's famous potato salad?"

Ryan chuckled under her breath. "Sure am, sugar. Let's see how everyone likes it."

"I like it."

"You like everything Mama fixes."

"Except roast beef. Yuck."

Ryan's lip twitched. The kid loved meatloaf, hated roast or steak. It made dinners interesting sometimes. "Well, at least I don't make you eat it often." _Or ever, _she thought to herself.

Hope stuck her tongue out and Ryan just barely held in a giggle at her daughter's face. "Okay, you going to play with the other kids here, or are you going to stick with me?"

"With you," Hope whispered softly. The little girl was used to being with different people, it wasn't as if she was new with the whole school and friends thing but ever since the Rawhead, she'd been a bit more clingy. She was doing well with it, but she was still quite attached to Ryan. It was as if the child knew there were big bads out in the world and only Ryan could protect her from them.

Ryan gave her a quick hug and said, "Okay, wash your hands and you can help me with the potato salad, alright?"

Hope nodded and dashed to the sink. Ryan wasn't going to peel fifteen pounds of potatoes, and luckily, the crew ahead of her had cut them all up, so all Ryan had to do was cook them, chop the onion, then mix everything up.

Ryan quickly put three huge stock pots of potatoes on to cook and began cutting the onion. Once that was finished, she drained the potatoes and began mixing in the relish, mustard, mayonnaise, and a dash of black pepper along with the onions. It really didn't take that long, and soon, she and Hope were cleaning up the dishes. Ryan was just finishing washing the huge stock pot when she reached her hand into the hot water and slit her hand on the knife she'd used to chop the onions. "Crap!" she cried as she pulled her bloody hand from the water. It was bleeding pretty good. She winced and grabbed a kitchen towel.

"Mama! You okay?"

"Yeah, sweetie, just a little cut…" she pulled the towel away and blood seeped from the wound faster than Ryan would have liked.

"Here, I'll make it better," Hope stated softly as she grasped Ryan's hand in her two small ones. Ryan's eyes widened in amazement as she watched the skin knit back together and seal.

"Hope…what…?" but then Hope swayed on her feet and Ryan grasped her as she fell.

_Gabriel! _she cried.

She felt Gabriel take her over then and she watched like an outsider as he checked over her child with her arms and hands. "She's fine," she heard her voice say as her body lifted the girl and carried her out to the car. She heard her voice say to Francine, "Hope isn't feeling well. I'm sorry, I need to take her home…"

"That's fine, Ryan. Call me, let me know how she's doing."

"Thanks, Francine," Ryan heard her voice murmur as her body walked to the car and sat Hope in her booster seat.

_Gabriel…is she…? _

"She's fine," her voice repeated softly. "Trust me. She's fine. Let me get both of you home. We don't need you wrecking the car."

She would have taken a deep, calming breath, had she been in control of her lungs, but, since she didn't, she had to force herself to calm down through sheer will until they were safely back in their home. She watched as Gabriel put her daughter to bed and then, he released her body back to her. _She's fine, Ryan. _

"You never said she could do that!"

_I said she might have some powers. The angel grace…it's finicky. _

"Finicky? Finicky? Gabriel, she just healed a fucking cut on my hand!" She glanced down at her hand and flexed her fingers over the now pink scar. She had no doubts it would be completely gone by morning.

_She's fine, Ryan. It's fine. She's got some angel grace. We knew this would happen, as I said…_

"Fuck that, Gabe. You didn't warn me the kid was a miracle worker! What if she does that again? What if she's labeled a freak or something?" She felt the blood leave her face as she whispered, "What if she becomes hunted?"

_She won't. Calm down. She's fine, Ryan._

"Easy for you to say. You're hanging out in Casa de Ryan, asshat."

She felt him chuckle. _I'll keep you both safe, toots. You know that. I promised I would._

She sighed and ran a hand over her daughter's cheek. "Swear it, Gabriel. Swear my daughter will be safe."

_I swear it. But maybe we need to tell her a thing or two about hunting…let her know she's got angel grace, something. _

"I'll tell her parts of it. She's a child, Gabe. She isn't even six yet!"

_Well, we'll be cautious, but she needs to know she can't do that in mixed company. _

"Agreed."

She glanced at her unconscious daughter once more. "I didn't want this for her, Gabe. I wanted her to be normal."

_She's a Winchester, Ryan. Normal went out the window with her paternity. _

"Thanks," Ryan bit off.

_You agreed to the terms. She's your reward. _

"And I thank you for her, Gabe, I really do. I just…this is…"

_It's the burden you have, Ryan. Accept it and move on. _

Ryan blew out another breath just as Hope woke. "Mama?"

Ryan's smile was soft. "Hey, baby, are you alright?"

"What happened?"

"Hope…you healed my hand." She held it up for the little girl to see. "Did you know you could do that?"

Hope shrugged. "You got hurt. I wanted to make it better…"

"Hope…" She bit her lip as she thought. "Honey, what you did, it's awesome, it really is. But it's dangerous. This could have really hurt you."

"But I'm fine now, see?" To prove her point, Hope sat up in bed and gave her mom a hug.

Ryan hugged her for all she was worth. "I know, babe, I see. And that's great. But you can't do this again, okay? You're a little girl. You can't be doing these kinds of things."

"Why? Am I weird, Mommy? Is there something the matter with me?"

Ryan was cautious as she told her daughter, "No, baby, definitely not, but this…well…okay, see, before you, when I was with Daddy, I couldn't have kids. And an angel came to me and said he would give me you."

"You told me I was from heaven."

Ryan nodded. "And you are. You're a gift from heaven. I couldn't have babies, and Gabriel gave me you."

"And we can't be with Daddy because somebody bad might use us to hurt him, so we have to stay safe. Just like I can't tell people my last name is really Winchester and I can't tell people my daddy's name is Dean."

Ryan nodded again. "Exactly. But when the angel gave you to me, he gave you this gift."

"The gift of healing people?"

"He sure did. But it comes with a price. You have to be careful with it. It could backfire and hurt you. And if you healed someone and the wrong person saw, they might want to take you from me and we can't have that, okay?"

The little girl bit her lip as two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. "I don't want that, Mama. I love you. I wanna be with you, always."

Ryan hugged the little girl to her tightly. "And I want to be with you always, Hopey, but you've got to be careful with this, okay?"

"So…it's a secret? Just like Daddy and Uncle Sammy and my last name?"

Ryan nodded one last time. "I'm afraid so."

"Okay, Mommy."

"That's it? Just 'okay'?"

The little girl shrugged. "You take care of me. I take care of you. That's all."

Ryan smiled and kissed the girl's forehead. "Okay, then."

* * *

**November Thirteenth, **

Ryan sighed in relief as she let the last kid out of the house. The birthday party had been exhausting, but it was fun. To see Hope relaxing and playing with the other kids was something Ryan never got tired of.

She glanced in the living room and spied Hope playing with one of her newest toys. "Hey, kid, you ready to go?" Ryan had told her they were going on a little birthday trip overnight. Ryan had wanted to take a bit longer, but she knew this would work just as well.

"Yeah!" Hope jumped up and went to grab her small backpack that was already loaded for their night away. It took no time at all for them to lock up the house and get on the road.

Ryan bit her lip as she looked at her daughter in the rearview mirror. She was such an angelic child, all smiles and kisses and love. She knew she couldn't put this off, however, Ryan wasn't sure she was doing the right thing.

_Gabe, are you sure she needs to know, now? _

_The kid's tougher than she looks, Ryan. Tell her some things, make her feel better…_

Ryan had been on the fence about when to tell Hope about the supernatural, and she was fairly certain the child was still too young to grasp a lot, but she wanted Hope to feel safe. Even now, months after the Rawhead attack, it was evident that Hope was nervous, anxious. She needed a nightlight now and Ryan salted the girl's bedroom and closet doors every night because Ryan had promised it would keep the monsters out. At least she was sleeping in her own room. Ryan hadn't wanted the girl to become reliant on sleeping with her. The child had to be at least somewhat independent.

Ryan drove until they reached a small wooded area and the cabin she had rented for the weekend. She had gone up while Hope had been in school the day before and scouted it out before she paid, then she took all her gear inside for Hope to examine.

"It's pretty, Mama! Kinda like the Three Bear's house!" Hope exclaimed.

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, it kinda is. Okay, short stuff, hop up here with Mommy. I wanna tell you a few things, alright?"

Hope smiled as she unbuckled and dove over the seat, causing Ryan to laugh again. She righted herself and shouted, "I'm here!"

Ryan smiled and pulled her daughter close for a kiss. "Yes, you definitely are." Ryan steeled herself, then began; "Okay, so, you know how Mom sometimes goes off for the weekend?"

"You help people, like Daddy does."

Ryan nodded. "Yep. I do."

"You're Wonder Woman!" Hope shouted.

Ryan winced at the sheer volume. "No, not exactly." She sucked in a breath. "There are monsters in the world, Hope. Real, live monsters."

"Like the one that tried to eat me in our basement?" she asked fearfully.

Ryan nodded. "That wasn't a nightmare, it really happened."

Hope was quiet for a moment, then she let out a small, "Oh."

"But, honey, that's what Mommy and Daddy do. We hunt monsters."

"You do?" the child's voice was full of awe.

Ryan nodded again. "Yes, we do. You know how Mommy never lets you into the trunk of the car?"

"Yeah?"

Ryan opened the door to the car and stood. "Come here and I'll show you why."

Ryan walked to the trunk, keeping an eye on her daughter as she climbed out of the car and walked behind her. Ryan opened the trunk and popped open the fake bottom to show off the weapon's cache.

"Whoa. What is all this, Mommy?"

"Tools of the trade, sweetheart. I have some other things in the cabin I'd like to show you." She grasped Hope's hand, slammed the trunk shut, and led her daughter into the building.

Hope held her hands behind her back as Ryan led her over to the small table loaded with gear. "Have a seat, sweetie."

The little girl plopped into a chair and Ryan's heart broke. She'd tried so hard to make this kid's life normal…

_You're doing the right thing, _Gabriel promised.

"Doesn't feel like it," Ryan muttered under her breath, but she put on a smile. "So, monsters. They're real. And I know how to kill them all, so don't worry, baby, you're safe with me."

"Promise?" Hope's small voice asked.

Ryan knelt in front of her daughter. "Hope Deanna Winchester, I promise, I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe. You're a gift from Heaven above. An angel brought you to me and I will die trying to keep you safe, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

Ryan sucked in a breath and blew it out. "Okay, so, the first thing you need to know is, most monsters are sensitive to salt and iron…"

On it went as Ryan explained the basics of hunting to her five year old daughter. Granted, she didn't get into a lot of detail. That would come, with time, but for now, she just wanted the kid to be informed.

When she finished, after answering questions and showing Hope the guns and knives and how to safely touch them, they snuggled in the small bed in the corner of the one-room cabin as the inky twilight made the dark seem safe, rather than something to fear.

"Thank you, Mommy. I don't feel as afraid anymore."

Ryan pulled her tight and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry I have to tell you these things, sweetie, but you need to know about them."

"I'm glad I do. But I can't tell my friends?"

"No, sweetheart, you can't. Most people can't know about monsters."

"Wouldn't they be safer if they did?"

Ryan thought a moment then said, "Well, baby, a lot of people are narrow minded. You know Kyle? How he has two mommies?" Hope nodded. "Well, a lot of people think that's wrong, that he should only have one mommy and one daddy. But his family just isn't made that way. Your family is just a mommy and a girl because Daddy's busy out there hunting these things, to keep us safe. And family isn't just someone you're related to. Bobby is like family, right?"

"Yep, he is. He's like my grandpa."

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, he sort of is. I wish you could have known your grandmas and grandpas, baby. You don't have a lot of family."

"But I got you," Hope stated as she wrapped her small arms around Ryan's waist. "And I've got a guardian angel, right?"

Ryan hugged her tightly. "Yes, baby, you surely do."

* * *

**April (During Eve's Reign)**

Ryan panted. She was exhausted. Monsters had been plentiful lately. So much so, she'd had to trust Hope's care to a civilian so Tory could hunt with her. Hope had been less than thrilled to be stuck with the older woman, but Ryan knew where they were now living was a fairly safe place. There had been no monster activity in or around their town, so she was confident her daughter would be okay for a little while. Besides, she had been teaching Hope how to take care of herself in case some monster came calling on them. And even at six and a half years old, she felt confident Hope could keep herself safe if she needed to.

"You good?" Ryan managed as she held out a hand for Tory.

The other woman winced and managed to stumble to her feet. They were both breathing hard, wounded in places, and more than a little worn out. "Yeah, he didn't bite me. I'm good."

Ryan gasped in a breath. She was certain at least one of her ribs were broken. They'd fought off a pack of skinwalkers and in the beginning, it had been a bitch deciphering who was who since they looked like dogs most of the time. She now had no desire to have a pet, ever.

Her phone rang and she winced as she reached into her back pocket for it. "Ryan," she muttered.

"Hey, girl, you alright?"

She blew out a breath. "Yeah, Bobby, I'm good."

"What are you doing? Did I call at a bad time?"

She shook her head as she and Tory trudged toward Demon. "Me and Tory Allard just finished taking out a pack of skinwalkers. Monsters, man, what's up? I got wind there's a shit ton of ghouls farther east off I-80."

"Yeah, I'm there now."

She paused. "Do we need to come over there?"

"Where are you now?"

She gasped as she sat behind the wheel. Maybe there were two ribs broken. She'd need Tory to bind her up once they got back to the hotel. She also had a nasty gash along her right bicep and her left leg. "Iowa."

"Iowa?"

She cranked the car and threw up gravel in her rush to get away from the crime scene. There were twelve bodies in there, all with silver bullets in their hearts. She had no desire to stick around. "Yeah, Des Moines. We've been following a trail of monsters all the way from Salt Lake City." She had moved, luckily, to Phoenix, Arizona over Christmas break. She hadn't really felt like Salt Lake City was where she wanted to be, and Hope, bless her, was cool with the move. She hadn't moved the kid too often, but she felt bad about it. However, Hope was thoroughly enjoying the already warming temperatures of the desert, and Ryan was thankful most monsters seemed to enjoy sticking north east of the cacti and dust storms. "We dealt with a rugaru and caught wind of this. What the hell is up with these monsters, Bobby?"

"We think it's something to do with a mother."

"A mother? Yeah, a bad ass mother," she muttered as she turned onto the side road that would take them back to their motel.

Bobby chuckled under his breath. "No, I mean, the book the boys found, it said something about a mother."

She was silent a moment. The monster stuff took a backseat as Dean's face swam in her mind. "The guys are with you?" she asked as she slipped the car into "park" in front of their motel room door.

"Off and on," he commented.

"Okay."

He sighed. "Damn it, Ryan…"

She stood and leaned against the front quarter panel of the car. "Bobby, do you need help, yes or no?"

"You'd come up here and help? What about the kid?"

She motioned Tory to go open the door to their room. "Hope is safe."

"You don't need to get hurt, girl."

She thought of Gabriel. He'd popped up to help her a time or two when she'd been near to giving death a kiss on the lips, but for something like healing her ribs or gashes, he would stay in the background, especially around other hunters. He'd been keeping a low profile. Everyone thought he was dead, he was planning on keeping it that way. "I'm good, Bobby. You guys need help, we'll help.

Bobby was quiet a moment before he said, "Nah, just…get well. You sound like crap."

"A couple of broken ribs will do that to you," she wheezed as she pushed off the car and headed toward the room.

"Look after yourself. Take care of the kid. That's the important thing. If it gets bad up here, I'll give you a call."

"Promise me, Bobby Singer. Don't let this thing he and I have mess up me helping you."

Tory raised an eyebrow, but remained quiet. Ryan didn't talk about her personal life, not even to her so-called best friend, so she knew Tory knew well enough to leave it alone.

Bobby sighed. "Yeah, alright, girl, I'll keep that in mind. Where you stationing out of, anyway?"

"The desert," she stated vaguely.

She could almost hear Bobby's eyeroll as he muttered, "Couldn't move any farther, could you?"

She chuckled. "I heard Hawaii was great this time of year, but I can't afford the cost of living."

"Ha," he stated flatly. "Look after yourself."

"You know it," she murmured as she punched the "end" button.

"Bobby alright?"

"Yeah, he's hunting more monsters farther on east."

"On I-80?"

"Yeah, seems like it."

"You wanna go?"

Ryan winced as she sat gingerly on the bed. "I need to sit this one out. I won't move fast enough. You going?"

Victoria grinned. "Hell, might as well."

Ryan snorted out a breath and winced. "Well, sleep on it, then you can take off tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Bobby got my number?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, Allard, you know he does."

"Good."

* * *

**May Twenty-Seventh **

Ryan growled out a breath. "What?!" she screamed into the phone. Damn it. She was having the shittiest day on the planet and answering the phone wasn't helping matters.

"Ah…Ryan Hunter?"

Ryan blew out a breath. She refused to give her real last name out to anyone except Bobby. Not even Tory knew her real last name, and Tory was one of her best friends, well, one of her _only _friends, in any case. "Yeah?"

"Sorry to bother you, I got your name from a guy named Garth Fitzgerald…"

Ryan rolled her eyes and blew her hair out of her line of vision. The stupid sink pipe was going to be the end of her. Sure, she'd managed to take down almost every monster under the sun, was raising a daughter on her own, and had an angel playing tag-along to her soul, but this damned pipe…

"Hello?"

Ryan sat up too quickly and bumped her head on the cabinet. "Fuck. Sorry," she murmured as she rubbed her forehead. "I'm doing a little home repair and it isn't working with me."

The woman chuckled. "I can call back…"

Ryan sighed. "Nah, it's good. I think I'm going to have to admit defeat on this one and call an actual repair man. What possessed my daughter to bathe her Rapunzel doll in the sink, then, let her hair get caught down in the garbage disposal, I'll never know."

The woman's laughter grew. "Believe me, I've seen it all. I'm a teacher."

Ryan smiled. "Sorry, had to vent. What's up? If Garth gave you my number, you must need something…out of the ordinary."

"About that…I prefer not to talk over the phone. Could we meet somewhere?"

Ryan sighed. After the broken ribs and the skinwalkers, she'd sat out a few jobs. She did trudge up to the Grand Canyon to help another hunter with an Arachne, which scared the fuck out of her, but outside of that, she'd stayed low. "As I said, I have a daughter…I don't want to leave her…"

"Oh! I don't need you for a job, I just need to know a few things."

"You're a newbie?" Ryan asked as she put the phone on her shoulder and wiped her hands.

"Yes and no. My sister…" the woman's voice caught and Ryan's heart went out to her.

"Okay, Okay. I get it. Where are you located?"

"Chicago, Illinois."

Ryan let out a whistle. "I bet it's still cold there, isn't it? Windy?"

The woman laughed. "You know it."

Ryan glanced over at the calendar on the refrigerator. "Look, the kid has school for a few more weeks. Can it wait?"

"I can come to you."

Ryan paused. There was something about the woman's tone…she seemed harmless, most normal humans were, and if she needed to know things about the supernatural... _What do you think, Gabe? _

_You know I can protect you if you need it, Ryan. If she sounds as though she needs help, we need to give it to her. _"I live in Phoenix, Arizona," Ryan stated finally.

"Ooooh. I bet it's wonderfully warm there."

Ryan chuckled. "It is, trust me."

"Could I come to you? We could meet somewhere. I promise, I'm not a psycho, I just need some answers about monsters, please."

Ryan blew out a breath. "Alright. Give me your email address, we can get things situated…"

And that was how Ryan found herself walking through the doors of Sky Harbor International Airport three weeks later, holding up a sign that said, "Andrea Blackwell" on it.

A shorter woman walked up with long black hair, porcelain skin, and ruby red lips. "Ryan?"

Ryan smiled. "Andrea?"

"Andy."

They shook hands. "Good timing. Your plane got in early."

"Yeah, who knew we would catch a tailwind?"

"So…" Ryan began.

Andy chuckled. "Well, this isn't at all uncomfortable, is it?"

Ryan chortled. It wasn't the most comfortable meeting she'd ever experienced. "My ride's upstairs. I don't like to park in the parking deck. I'm all the way up at the top."

Andy nodded and followed her as Ryan led the way to the elevators. "So, how do you know Garth? We didn't discuss that."

"He got rid of a ghost in my school. I was one of the ones that witnessed it."

Ryan nodded. "And all the other stuff?"

"I had an inkling about," Andy finished. "I've been doing research on the supernatural since my sister went missing."

"And you're pretty sure something unnatural got her? It wasn't just foul play?"

Andy bit her lip and shook her head. "No. Not with what information I have."

"Okay, well, I can take you to a hotel; let you get freshened up a bit…"

"Please. That would be wonderful. I know you don't want me near your child, for safety reasons, but I promise, I only want some answers, and I'm pretty sure you're the only one who can help me."

They walked out into the Arizona heat and Ryan slid behind the wheel of her car. "What makes you think I'm the only one who can help you?"

"My sister's name was Ariel, but she was possessed by a demon. A demon named Ruby."

Ryan's hand fell off the keys she had just put into the ignition. "What?"

Andy winced. "I figured you'd heard of her. Not a lot of hunters have, but, given your close relationship to Robert Singer…and, for obvious reasons, I can't just go up to the Winchesters…"

Ryan shook her head adamantly. "No…Andy…I don't…"

"Garth says you know a lot about the Winchesters, but you don't ride with them. I can't go to Robert Singer. That would be unwise because I look just like Ariel…"

Ryan blew out a breath. _For fuck's sake. Why me? _

_Ever get the feeling fate is leading you places? _Gabriel commented snidely.

_Bite me, Gabe, _she retorted. _Besides, Fate is a capricious bitch, didn't you read The Gospel about the boy's meeting with her? _

_She's a nasty piece of work, _Gabe agreed. _You should meet her sisters. _

Ryan's nose wiggled in disgust. _No thanks. _To Andrea, she said, "Andy, look, I…I have extenuating circumstances for knowing about the boys…"

"I just want to know about my sister. I have the doctor's reports and everything, I just need you to fill in the supernatural side of it."

Ryan blew out another breath. "Fine. I'll do what I can."

"Thank you, Ryan. I appreciate it."

Ryan scrubbed her hand across her face and cranked the car. "Let's get you checked into your hotel, then we can talk."

She took Andy to one of the hotels nearer to her house in North Phoenix and when they arrived in Andy's room, the first thing Ryan did was pull a bottle of tequila out of her backpack. At her gesture, Andy nodded. "Booze will make this conversation easier, I'm certain."

Ryan chuckled and poured them both generous glasses. "Rule one; when discussing the supernatural, always have alcohol present. It makes life easier. Usually the boys like whiskey or bourbon, Bobby drinks gin. Garth, of course, is a cheap drunk, he likes wine coolers, and my girl Tory likes Scotch, but I'm a rum or tequila girl, myself. I prefer rum, but I brought along my best bottle of tequila just for you."

Andy chuckled. "Tequila's my poison of pleasure, so that totally works." She downed her shot and winced as it burned, then shook her head. "Okay, so, you want me to talk?"

Ryan shrugged as she pulled out her laptop. She didn't keep The Gospels, but she did, however, keep a journal of the boy's exploits. It made it easier for her to go back through and look for patterns, keep up with their kills, that sort of thing. Frank Devereaux had helped her create an algorithm for her digital journal. It was an awesome piece of work, if she did say so herself. It was a hell of a lot better than keeping fifty million dusty books around like Bobby did. But, the only problem was, she had to read the books to input them into the system. She'd already logged quite a few books into her system, she just had about a million more to go. But this…it would be easy enough to find all she had on Ruby. "When we start this, there's no going back, Andy. Once you know, you can't un-know it."

Andy nodded slowly. "I realize that. But this…I have to find out the truth."

Ryan sat at the two person table and gestured for Andy to join her. "Sit, and spill."

Andy sat, poured another glass of tequila, shot it back, then began her tale; "Ariel and I weren't very close in school. We were identical in looks only. She was…sweet, I guess is the word. She wouldn't hurt a fly. I was more rambunctious, outgoing, I was the skater girl that hung out with all the boys, drinking, smoking, you name it. Ariel was the good girl, prom queen, president of the purity club…"

Ryan held in a snort. Poor Ariel's meatsuit had been used for all forms of debauchery with Sam, or, so she'd heard, in any case.

"So, Ariel was the good girl. However, she got in with the wrong group. She got mixed up in some kind of cult. I don't know the details. From what I've found out, it was a religious faction that thought the apocalypse was coming."

"They weren't wrong," Ryan mused.

Andy nodded. "No, they weren't wrong, I suppose. Anyway, I lost contact with her the year we left high-school. She left a note for Mom and Dad, said she wanted to save her soul. I searched for her, I couldn't find her. Mom and Dad were distraught. I didn't start college when I should just so I could look for her. I found the cult, but she wasn't there. I finally went to college, but she stayed in the forefront of my thoughts. It was like she vanished off the face of the earth. Finally, I managed to find her. She was a Jane Doe at a hospital in Ohio. I went to claim her body, only to find it was gone. The doctors…they said she woke up as soon as they cut the power and unplugged her. They said it was physically impossible. She was brain dead, had been, for days while they tried to find her family. She was shot in a drug store robbery."

"Andy, I'm so sorry…"

"Ariel got lost, somehow. I've…I've made peace with that. Our family wasn't overly religious, but I have to hope she's happy now, you know? But I couldn't let it go that she'd gotten up and walked away. So, I started digging. I'm an excellent researcher. I started looking and what I found…"

"Demons," Ryan replied.

Andy nodded. "Right in one. It was the only plausible explanation. So, then, I didn't know what to do with that information, and I knew I couldn't approach the thing in my sister's body, so, I waited for her to show up. Of course, she had been brain dead, so the…thing wouldn't find its way to me, I was safe. I found out enough to know demons use the bodies they inhabit and then, when they're finished with them, leave them behind, so I bided my time and began looking for her body. I found it in an abandoned convent in Maryland where some less than normal shit went down. I had my closure, we had a body to bury."

"But?"

Andy's sardonic chuckle made Ryan's heart hurt. "I couldn't give up. I had to know more."

Ryan blinked and her brows furrowed. "You know so much. What could you possibly want to know from me? And furthermore, again, how do you know I'll be able to help you, anyway?"

"I've found out about demons, and I've begun hunting them."

Ryan's eyes grew. "You…you're hunting demons?"

Andy nodded. "And I've gotten particularly good at torturing them."

"You do realize, the meatsuits they're riding are just like your sister, someone out there somewhere loves them!"

"And I let them live! I excise them, eventually. I get them medical help. I just…get information out of them first."

Ryan swallowed hard. This…this was a lot to take in. She had stayed clear of demons, outside a few she had to take care of. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the woman standing before her. "What do you want to know?"

"Was Ariel really dead? Or did she…was she hurt just like…" Andy sucked in a breath. "Look, I know I'm not a great person, okay? I've done shit and I'm not sorry. I'm an exorcist now. That's what I'm doing, going around, taking demons out of people. That's fine. My parents died last year, I have no family left, but I can return these people back to their families…"

Ryan felt a tear slip down her cheek. "You aren't doing them any favors, no matter what. Once that evil touches them…they're tainted forever."

Andy gasped. "You were possessed, weren't you?"

Ryan nodded. "As a girl. The Winchester Boys excised a demon from me and it almost killed me. Did kill me, in fact. I died on the operating table twice. Something kept bringing me back, and it wasn't my will to live."

"I've heard the boys are killing demons with some knife now."

Ryan nodded. "I've heard that, too. I haven't seen Dean Winchester in years. I saw Sam recently and hunted with him, for a monster, though, not a demon."

"What do you know about him and Ruby?"

Ryan opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. She blew a breath out of her nose and said, "It's none of your business what happened between them. Your sister was dead. I believe that. Whatever happened to her body was desecration, but it could have been so much worse for her, trust me." She paused, then added, "Give it up. Don't get sucked into the life, Andy. Go back, do whatever you went to school for."

"I can't," Andy whispered as tears fell onto her lap. "I can't now. I know too much."

Ryan's heart went out to the woman. "I know. It's a slippery slope." They were both quiet for a moment as Ryan felt a certain kinship to this woman. "You don't have anyone? No family? No friends?"

Andy laughed. "Who would want to be friends with me? I spend my spare time hunting for demons, Ryan."

Ryan smiled. "Well, it sounds like the kind of thing I'm interested in. I can be your friend."

Andy looked at her. "Really?"

Ryan shrugged. "Well, I mean, I'm not the most interesting person on the planet, but the number of friends I have I can count on one hand." She paused. "What is it you do?"

"I'm a teacher. I taught sixth grade, then I taught third. I love to teach, but this demon thing…"

Ryan nodded. "It can take over your life. However, you can hunt on occasion. You can have a semi-normal life."

"Do you?"

Ryan nodded. "More so than before, yes, and with a child, I have to."

"How did that happen?"

Ryan was cautious. This chick didn't need to know the truth. The lie had gotten easier over time. Bobby was still the only one that knew the truth. "I'm her caregiver. My cousin…she's unwell. I've had to adapt my hunting strategies."

"So it would seem."

Ryan went out on a limb and asked, "Would you like to meet her?"

"You'd let me meet your daughter?"

Ryan nodded. "For dinner. I know a great Italian place we can eat. You want some of the best chicken wings on the planet?"

Andy smiled. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

Ryan stood and snapped her laptop shut. "Okay. I'll go get her, you freshen up, I'll come back and pick you up." She walked over and slipped her computer in her bag.

"Hey, Ryan?"

Ryan looked up at Andy. "Yeah?"

"Why are you doing this?"

Ryan gave her a crooked smile. "Because, I think we are a lot alike. I know how lonely life is when you're on the edge of all of this shit. You jump over into the ravine and you're nothing more than a killing machine. You back off from it, you feel useless, like you could be helping so many people, but you aren't. It's a knife's edge I balance on every day. I feel a certain connection to you in those regards."

"Thank you," Andy whispered.

Ryan smiled. "Okay, so, get your crap together. Me and the kid will be back in about an hour. Bring your appetite."

She walked to the door and smiled when she heard one more whispered, "Thanks."

Ryan blew out a breath as soon as she stepped back out into the hallway. _Am I doing the right thing, Gabe? _

His was reply was subdued, so unlike the angel she knew and had learned to love. _She needs someone, Ryan, just like you do. I think wrestling with demons turns a person into something less than human. Killing monsters, like you do, is slightly different. You can't see nothing but evil without it affecting you. I think she needs you. _

"Me too," she whispered.

She shook off her thoughts as she drove to her small home. She heard the laughter and splashing as soon as she stood from Demon. Her lips quirked as she unlocked the door, went through the house, and stepped back onto the patio in the backyard where Hope was swimming in the pool.

"How's it going?" she asked Tory, who was sunning in the lounge chair in her bikini. No one would know how gorgeous Tory really was underneath all the layers a hunter wore, but she had a body to die for. That, paired with her quick wit and biting attitude made her unstoppable, or it would, if she chose to pursue a relationship. Sure, she hooked up with guys (and girls, too, on occasion) but she wasn't the lasting relationship kind of person. She had drunkenly admitted to Ryan once that their friendship was the longest relationship she'd had outside of the six months she had been with her dead fiancé.

Tory pulled down her sunglasses to stare at Ryan with a half-smile. "I tell ya, Ryan, I could get used to chilling out here. No wonder you moved to Phoenix. It's terrific."

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, it is." She sat next to her friend and watched Hope swimming for a moment. The little girl was a hell of a swimmer, just like Ryan had been. She had been on the swim team in school, before the demons ruined her life.

"So? How's the new girl? She a hunter?"

Ryan nodded. "She's a demon hunter."

"Whoa. Seriously?"

"Her sister was taken by demons, she was possessed."

"Well, you can relate."

Ryan just looked at her. Victoria had a way with words.

"What? It's true."

Ryan blew out a breath. "I know. But it gets better."

"Uh-oh. What?"

"Her sister? She was taken by Ruby."

Victoria blinked. Almost everyone in the hunting community knew who Ruby was, what she had done with Sam. And there were things Ryan _had _shared with Victoria, just on the off chance she hunted with the Winchesters. Victoria knew Bobby Singer. She knew enough. "You're shitting me."

"Nope."

"You mean…_the _Ruby?"

Ryan nodded. "She knew stuff. She's legit. She's that meatsuit's twin."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah."

They were both quiet a moment before Victoria snickered. "Better keep her away from the Winchester boys."

Ryan laughed flatly. "I know, right? Luckily, she knows it. She's found out some stuff, too. I don't know how much, yet. I'm going to pick her up for dinner. Thought we'd go to Oregano's…wanna come with?"

"Hell yes, I want to come with."

Ryan grinned. "Thought you'd say that. I'm going to take Hope with us."

"You sure about that?"

"I think she's lost, Tory. I think she needs some help with a few things, and I think we are the two to help her."

"I don't do awkward girlie scenes," Tory muttered.

Ryan chortled. Victoria Allard was a great monster hunter, a great friend, but she wasn't a feminine little flower. "I never asked you to," Ryan shot back.

"Good. Glad we got that settled," Tory said with a head bob. "Welp, guess I'll go in, get ready for din-din."

Ryan ignored her as she stood and walked to the edge of the pool. "Hey, angel-face!"

"Hey, Mama! Did you meet your new friend?"

Ryan grinned as she knelt down to the water. "I did. You wanna go to Oregano's with us for dinner?"

"Yes!" the little girl cried as she scrambled up the side and out of the pool. She ran to the chair sitting in the sun, and grabbed a towel to wrap around her shoulders.

Ryan made her way back to the shaded patio and sat back down. "Have you had fun with Tory?"

"Yep! I pretended to be a water monster."

Ryan chuckled. "You did?"

"Yeah, like Nessie."

Ryan had told her the legend of The Loch Ness Monster a few days ago. She'd heard Nessie was real, but she wondered if Bobby hadn't been pulling her leg. Of course, there were stranger things out there, so who knew? "Cool."

"So, did you make a new friend? Is she going to hunt with you like Tory does?"

Ryan shrugged noncommittally. "I don't know yet, sugar. I just met her. She's nice though. I think she needs a friend."

"We can be her friend!"

Ryan's smiled again. This little girl was always so damned happy. She had wondered if Dean would have had a normal childhood if he would have been this bubbly and sweet. She felt sure he would have. "Yep, we can be her friend. Come on, you are probably dry enough. Go get dressed. I'll comb your hair, then we need to vamoose."

She watched the girl tear into the house and she just shook her head as she walked in and locked the patio door behind her. This had been a good decision, to move. She hadn't liked the idea of moving when they did, but Hope had blossomed in the Arizona sun, just like a flowering cactus. Ryan had, too, for that matter. This was probably one of her favorite places they'd lived.

An hour later, almost on the nose, they turned into the parking lot of the hotel, all three of them singing along to Katy Perry's "E.T." on the radio.

Tory grabbed Ryan's shoulder from the backseat. "You didn't tell me she was gorgeous," Tory accused as they pulled up to the curb.

Ryan chuckled. "Sorry, forgot to mention it."

Andrea opened the door and slid inside. "Hey."

Ryan smiled at her. "Hey, Andy, this is my daughter, Hope, and one of my best friends and hunting buddies, Victoria Allard, or Tory, as she'd rather be called."

They all shook hands and Ryan pulled out into traffic. That night began something new for the three women…a lasting friendship.

* * *

**July Thirteenth, **

The knock on the door was out of the ordinary, and Ryan grabbed her gun from her holster as she made her way to the laundry room. Whoever it was, thought themselves familiar enough to come through the carport, instead of to the front door. She held the gun to the door, then peeped through the peephole. She blew out a breath as she stowed the gun and opened it, letting Andy in. "What?"

Andy smiled. "Hello to you, too. Sorry, I didn't want to talk over the phone. Got a minute?"

Ryan nodded and stood aside so Andy could come in. The woman had decided to move to Arizona after visiting the month before. "What's up?"

"Demons."

Ryan paused before she grabbed the bottle of Captain Morgan from the top of the refrigerator. "Is that so? Where?"

"Reno."

"And that concerns me…how?"

Andy rolled her eyes. "Come on, Ryan! Look, I know you're a monster girl, but this is…this is epic. I need backup. Word is there are a few demons taking over a casino over there. Word is, this Crowley guy is behind it."

Ryan swallowed hard. Crowley was nobody to fuck with. The Winchesters had dealt with him before and Ryan wasn't eager to tangle with him, especially since he was the King of Hell. She wasn't sure what was going on with him since she hadn't received a Gospel in the past two weeks, but she had the sinking suspicion the douchewad going to be a problem since she'd found out he wasn't dead. "I thought he was dead," she stated guardedly.

Andy shrugged and downed a drink before pouring herself another. "Word through the grapevine is he's still very much alive."

"Word through the…you mean you tortured a demon for information."

Andy smiled widely. "Naturally."

Ryan sighed. "I don't hunt demons, Andrea. I've told you that."

"But you never told me _why_, Ryan. I get that you're a monster specialist. I'm a demon specialist. Together, we'd make a great team."

"And I'm all for teaming up with you, just…" She bit her lip. "I'm terrified of demons, okay? There's a reason Bobby doesn't send me those cases. You know I was possessed once, right?"

"Yeah, you've got the anti-possession sigil tattooed on your back. You're safe, Ryan."

"That isn't the worst part. The possession was bad, but it was what happened before that…I was kidnapped and raped by three demons when I was eleven."

Andy gasped. "No…"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. There were a string of attacks in our town, girls going missing. There were signs of demon activity, so the Winchester boys rolled in."

"They were kids, right?"

Ryan nodded. "Dean is my age, he's about three months older than I am. Sam's younger. Their dad came to town, brought them with him. They stayed with us because my mom knew their mom." She shook her head as she thought of her mother. "Anyway, I fit the profile. Long story short, I got taken. John managed to excise one demon, Bobby another. They didn't know about me…one hid inside me. Dean excised it and I almost died."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I was." She sucked in a breath. "So…I don't hunt demons much."

"But, don't you see? You need to! Come with me, I'll look after you! We'll make sure you get over this fear you have. They can't get you anymore, don't you see?"

She bit her lip again. "I don't know, Andy…"

"Come on. Let's take Tory and go to Reno. We'll make it a girl's weekend."

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "You seriously want to make this a vacation?"

Andy shrugged. "Why not? A monster vacation. Sounds like fun."

"I…I don't know what to say." Ryan was truly flabbergasted.

_I'll protect you, kiddo. You know that, _Gabriel soothed.

_Gabe…I've excised demons since then, a handful of times, but to go willingly into this…to wade into the think of black eyed sons-of-bitches…_

_You'll be fine. Do it._

Ryan sighed. "Okay."

"You'll do it?"

"God help me," Ryan muttered under her breath. "Yes."

"Yay!" Andy jumped up and down, looking more like an eager teenager than an adult. "I'll go call Tory. We can go this weekend. Think you could take Friday off?"

"I'll need someone to watch Hope…"

"Okay, so, you check on that, I'll check on Tory, then we can decide which weekend works better. It's not like they're going anywhere."

"The things I do for my friends," Ryan moaned softly as she pulled out her phone to call babysitters.

Two days later they were zipping north on I-95 toward their destination. They were in Tory's beat up old VW van and Andrea was currently driving. They were going to switch off every four and a half hours so they could make the trip in one. They could have halved it, but everyone wanted to be prepared for what was to come. The back of the van was loaded down with holy water, iron knives, and five cans of spray paint for devil's traps. "I'm not getting the warm and fuzzies," Ryan commented to Andy, who was almost vibrating with excitement.

"Come on! Live a little!"

"I've lived enough," Ryan stated calmly as they passed a minivan full of kids.

"Come on, Ryan! It'll be fun!" Tory shouted from the backseat. She was sprawled out across the back seat, shoes off, propped up on a pillow, eyes closed, just relaxing.

Ryan grinned despite herself. "Well, at least we're all safe from possession." Andy had gotten herself tattooed a year ago, and Ryan had insisted Tory do the same before their first demon hunt together.

"So, we'll take care of these bastards, then I suggest we hit the casino. What do you say?"

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "If you think we can handle these suckers quickly enough, I'm completely game for some relaxation, gambling, and booze."

"Yes!" Andy giggled.

Ryan remained quiet as she observed her two friends. She wasn't sure how she had ended up with them both in her life, but she was grateful.

_You deserve it, kid, _Gabriel told her.

They made it to their motel by ten that night and quickly changed for the casino. "Holy shit," Tory muttered under her breath when Ryan emerged from the motel's bathroom.

Ryan smoothed the fabric covering her body. "What?"

"You're hot, Ryan."

Ryan blushed. The number of times she'd worn a dress she could count on one hand. Andy had bought this for her yesterday at the mall and surprisingly, it fit her perfectly. She had on a mid-length midnight blue number that flared at the skirt to hide her garter which concealed her gun. The dress had long sleeves to hide her scars, but the back was missing, showing off parts of her tattoo. "Thanks."

"No, seriously. Like…I probably should have hit on you by now."

Ryan laughed at that. Tory's bisexuality wasn't new to Ryan. Her friend had been in relationships with men, but that didn't mean she didn't also like having relationships with women, too. They'd gotten drunk and had an in-depth discussion about that very thing. It had fascinated Ryan, who'd only been with Dean, to find out the truth about how having a random hookup while on a case worked. It almost made her jealous. Almost. "Thanks."

"Are you bitches ready to do this?" Andy asked as she walked in. She had stepped out to the van a few moments before to grab the holy water so they could fill up their flasks.

"Damn. We are some sexy whores tonight," Ryan commented. Andy, like herself, was wearing a dress, but in a color that looked like liquid gold, while Tory was wearing a sexy pair of red leather pants and a white top that left nothing to the imagination.

Andy laughed. "We need to have someone take our picture. We look like we're just going to chill, not going to kill demons."

"Can you run in those heels?" Ryan commented as she looked at Andy's shoes. She, herself, was wearing a pair of fashionable boots. They had a heel, but they weren't so uncomfortable she couldn't run in them if she had to.

"Nah, I'm good. I promise. I'm short enough, I've gotten used to running in heels. I wear them everyday when I teach."

Ryan shrugged. "Okay. Whatever." She glanced at Tory, who was filling their flasks. Tory, too, had on a pair of chunky heels, but Ryan knew how Tory moved, so she wasn't worried about her. "Think we're good to go?"

"Everyone got their guns? Their knives?"

They all nodded and Tory passed out the flasks. "Okay, so, Andy, you're in charge of this thing. Any words of wisdom?"

"Don't get killed?"

Ryan chuckled flatly. "Thanks."

"Live long and prosper?" Tory supplied.

Andy laughed at that.

Ryan poured them each a drink and handed them the cups. "Nah, I got one better. Only the good die young."

Tory chuckled as she lifted her glass. "Well, hell, I guess we'll live forever then."

"Here, here!" Andy cried as they clinked glasses.

They all downed their shot, then made their way to the van. They pulled up to the casino at eleven o'clock that night. Ryan took a deep breath and blew it out. "You ready?" Andy asked softly. "You can back out, if you want."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "I'm not a wimp, Andy. I trust you. I trust Tory. We're good. I'm good."

"Good. Now, let's go handle some demons."

They got out and walked into the casino.

Andy's intel had suggested there were only three main demons in the place, three owners. Andy hadn't been sure why demons were interested in a casino, but Ryan had her suspicions. It would be easy enough to make a crossroads deal without a crossroads if people were losing their life's savings. She'd be willing to bet that was how it worked. When she'd told the other two her idea, everything else had fallen into place.

Their plan was to go their separate ways, lose quite a bit of cash, then, find a way to get back to the demons. It wasn't that hard, actually. A little sob story here, a little sweet talk there, add a dab of flirting, and boom, you find yourself face-to-face with a demon. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

It was five hours later when Ryan admitted defeat. She'd lost every bit of her money. Now, the real fun began. She started sobbing as soon as the craps dealer took her last chips. "I…I can't! I…I need that money!" she started wailing and two security officers came over to her. She threw the waterworks on full force as she began begging for a loan, a second chance, something to help her win her money back. "I need rent money! I have a kid! I need…"

"A friend?" the smooth voice whispered as he handed her a handkerchief.

She took it and daintily wiped at her eyes. "Th-thank you. I-I'm sorry…I just…I thought it was going well, you know? I brought my last thousand. I was up by five grand and I bet…stupid…stupid, stupid, stupid! I needed that money."

"There, there, sugar," he whispered as he waved off the security men. "Come on, come to my office. Maybe we can work up a deal."

She stopped dead. "I'm not a hooker!"

The man chuckled. "Oh, no, I know that, sugar, I wouldn't think of accusing you of such. Besides," he lowered his voice and she had to lean in to hear him as he assured her, "I play for the other team."

She smiled at him through her tears and let him lead her off the floor to a hidden door in the wall. "Let's go into my office and chat, shall we?"

She bit her lip and nodded bashfully. She followed him in and examined every inch of the space as he made his way to his desk. "Sit, sit," he motioned for the winged back chair facing the desk.

She perched delicately on the edge of it, ready for action if the need arose. "So…you can help me?"

"I sure can. I can help make all your dreams come true, actually. You said you have a child? How old?"

"She-she's six, almost seven. She's not mine, my cousin's." Even pretending, she didn't want to take the risk of someone finding out the truth. "My cousin died, left me with this little angel…"

"Yes, yes, she's cute, she's sweet. Lovely." Ryan could hear the acid seeping into his tone. He blinked, though, and smiled. "So, you want the best for her, right? You want her to have a good life?"

"Of course I do! That's why I came to Reno from Santa Monica. I wanted to make some money quick, for her. But this thousand, it was my last…I need…I don't have the rent money…It's gone!" She began sobbing again and she really felt the need to pat herself on the back because she was totally rocking this whole acting thing, even better than she did as an FBI agent, and that said something, because she was terrific at that.

"I understand, dear. Well, I wonder if I can help?"

"How?"

"What if I said I could give you everything you ever wanted, all you had to do was sell me something of little importance to you."

"Little…like what?" she hiccupped. Yeah, she needed an Oscar for this performance.

"Your soul."

She let out a little hysterical giggle. "I'm sorry…did you say my soul?"

"It isn't something you use on a day-to-day basis. It just sits there. But if you sell it to me, I'll make sure to give you everything you want and even set your daughter up with a college fund for the future."

"I…I…"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. "What!?" the demon yelled as his eyes flashed red. Ryan's eyes narrowed. _Got'cha. _

One of the security workers popped his head in. "Sorry, sir, but there is a disturbance in Mr. Edison's office…"

Ryan barely hid the smile. She'd bet her last dollar it was Tory. That girl stirred up trouble everywhere she went. She hadn't hunted with Andy yet, but since Andy was so good with demons, she imagined she was a bit more…discreet.

The demon stood from behind the desk. "Would you excuse me for just a moment? I guess I need to handle this."

Ryan bit her lip and nodded meekly. "Okay," she whispered with her head down.

She heard the door shut behind her and she stood. She had noticed the bottle of vodka in the corner. That would work just as well. She drank down a shot, because, hey, why not, then quickly poured a devil's trap out of the alcohol on the carpet, grabbed her lighter from her small clutch, and waited. Yes, this was even better than paint. She could just do him right here.

It took him about fifteen minutes to return. "Sorry about that." He shut the door behind him and walked toward her. She held up her lighter and smiled.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

She lit it and tossed the lighter to the ground and he was trapped. His eyes flashed to red and she smirked. "We're working in threes. How many demons have been smoked tonight?"

"J-just one," he answered uncertainly.

"You're all toast."

"Please!" he shouted.

Her eyes narrowed as she began reciting, "Exorcizamus te omini imundis spiritus, omis."

"No!" he cried.

She barely held in a cackle of delight as she continued, "Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis iegio, omnis congretatio et secta diabolica…"

"Please don't," he whispered.

"Ergo, draco maiedicte, ecciesiam tuam securi tibi facias iiberatate servire, te rogamus!" She smirked anew. "Audi nos."

She watched as the smoke spiraled out of him and she blew out a breath. "Enjoy your trip back downstairs," she growled.

She grabbed her purse, made sure she'd wiped her fingerprints from the bottle of vodka, and the desk she had been perched against, then walked out the door, holding the knob with the handkerchief he'd given her. She flipped the switch to lock the door and strode out like she owned the joint.

She calmly walked out to where they parked the van and grinned at Tory, who was dabbing at a bloody nose. "Exorcism didn't go the way you'd planned?" Ryan asked as she approached.

Tory grinned. "Nah, it went just as I'd hoped."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Masochist," she muttered.

"You know it. Should we go back in after Andy?"

Ryan shook her head. "We were to meet out here. Give her a minute…"

And a minute was all it took. About thirty seconds later, they heard the quick clip of heels on pavement. "Move your asses, ladies, I'm fairly certain security made me as I was walking out of the guy's office."

Ryan moved to the door and stopped. "Why does it look like your lipstick is smudged?"

"Oh, I weaseled my way behind the curtain of the great and powerful wizard by sucking off the guard. He was cute."

Ryan's mouth fell open. "Holy shit."

"Drive, Ryan. Save the speeches."

Ryan blinked as she got in behind the wheel. "And here I thought Tory was the whore."

"Hey!" Victoria cried, indignant. "Excuse you?"

Ryan laughed. "You two are guano, both of you."

"You love us," Tory reminded her.

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"Come on, girlies! Let's go get drunk!" Andy giggled as she all but fell into the van.

"Where to?" Ryan asked as she pulled out into traffic.

"A bar!" came the chorused reply.

"Alrighty then." Ryan drove until they found a spot, a dump near their motel. "This good enough?"

"Yep."

"Works for me."

Ryan shrugged and stashed the keys in her clutch before she got out. She was momentarily surprised when Tory linked one of her arms and Andy the other, but she grinned as they walked toward the door. "Just so you know, I don't do this…I don't go to bars."

"We know," Tory said sagely.

"But we're with you," Andy added.

Ryan blew out a breath. It seemed as though this weekend was going to be full of different experiences.

They made their way to a small table near the stage where a band was set up and Tory began ordering them drinks. A handful of shots each, later, they were all feeling relaxed and Tory was dancing with some biker out on the dance floor.

"Thank you, Ryan," Andy said as she motioned for the waitress to bring them another round.

Ryan had switched to beer because she had the distinct impression she would be driving tonight. She took a sip, nibbled on a mozzarella stick and asked, "For what?"

"Being my friend. I've been lonely so long…this is nice. You and Tory are my friends."

Ryan smiled. "Hey, we're the lonely female hunters. We've got to stick together, right?"

"Right."

Just then, some dude came up and began hassling them for dances. Ryan swallowed hard. She had long since gotten over her fear of men. Gabriel was with her, she knew, and that made a lot of difference. But this guy wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. Finally, Andy said, "Buzz off, Butch. She's with me." She pulled Ryan close to her and planted a huge kiss on Ryan's lips.

Ryan's eyes widened slightly and she pulled away quickly. "What the hell?"

Andy looked behind Ryan and smirked. "It got that guy off our case. Besides, kissing me isn't the worst thing you've done, is it?"

"N-No, but…"

Andy laughed. "Relax, Ryan! I'm not going to hit on you. I don't swing that way, either. But it got the guy off our backs so we can enjoy ourselves and watch Tory hook this guy. Wonder if she's going to take him back to our room or to his?"

"He ain't coming to our room," Ryan muttered as she downed the rest of her beer. When the waitress came up with Andy's next shots, Ryan ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a coke. She wanted some real food, and she needed it to soak up the alcohol in her stomach. Andy ordered the same and they people watched for a while before Tory came back to the table and stole one of Ryan's fries.

"Aren't you going to go hook up with the guy?" Andy asked.

Tory shook her head. "Nah, I banged him in the bathroom. I'm good."

Ryan almost choked on her bite of burger. "You…you…"

"Ryan, my dear, we seriously need to get you laid."

Ryan swallowed the rest of her burger and shook her head. "No thanks."

"I know you aren't asexual, I've seen you eyeing movie stars and stuff…"

"I'm not interested. I've got Hope. I've got you guys. I've got hunting. That's all I need."

"You need an orgasm."

Ryan's mouth fell open but she laughed. "I take care of that, too. Speaking of which, Castle is having a sale. When we get back to Phoenix, we need to go."

"Oh! I need a new vibrator."

"What's Castle?" Andy asked.

Tory grinned. "Only the Wal-Mart of sex shops."

"I feel that term is offensive. They're at least the Target of sex shops," Ryan shot back.

"Hell, they may even be the Macy's. They have everything under the sun, no matter what kink you're into. Lingerie, toys, books, movies…" Tory told Andy.

"Sounds like we need to stop in, then."

"Definitely. If we aren't going to get Ryan laid, at least we can make sure she's got enough toys to get the job done."

Ryan's face heated. "I'm not a prude, you guys. I just…I'm wary."

Andy's hand found Ryan's and she squeezed it. "We get it."

Tory's hand latched on top of the other two. "We're just busting your balls. It's your life, sweetheart. If you aren't ready for some lovin', we won't push."

"We just care about ya."

Ryan felt tears clogging her throat. "Thanks, you guys. I never expected to have a best friend, but now I have two."

* * *

**September Seventeenth,**

Ryan paced as the phone rang. "Come on…pick up, pick up, pick up…."

"Yeah."

"Bobby! Thank God. What the hell is going on?"

"Ryan?"

"No, Marilyn Monroe. Of course it's Ryan!"

"You've seen the news, I take it."

"Oh, yeah, I've seen it, and I'm having a hell of a time talking my daughter down about why her daddy and her uncle are all over the evening news! What the fuck is going on?"

"It's a monster, Ryan, a bad one."

"A shifter?"

"Worse. We don't know what the hell these things are. They're called Leviathans."

"What?"

"Creatures from Purgatory."

She blinked. "Purgatory? You mean, like, Purgatory." One of the last Gospels she had gotten had them destroying Eve, but the rest…she figured they'd handled it.

"Monster Heaven, yeah."

"Whoa," she leaned against the counter and took another generous sip of whiskey. Some days, rum just didn't cut it. "You're shitting me."

"'Fraid not, kid."

"O-okay, so, how do we kill them?"

"We don't do anything. And you certainly don't."

"Damn it, Bobby…"

"Don't you 'damn it, Bobby' me, girl. These things are dangerous and we don't know how to kill them and if they can't be killed, then you stay away from them. It's bad enough the boys are damn fools and think they need to go after them…"

"Dean and Sam went after them?" she squeaked.

"They're wearin' their faces, ain't they? Of course they went after them. I sent them to Frank to get some new I.D.'s but still…"

She chuckled despite herself. "You sent them to Frank?"

"Ha freaking ha, yeah, I did."

"Oh boy. That should be fun. Dean plus the man that thinks the government sabotaged Firefly."

"Still a damn shame that show went off the air…"

She smiled, but it slid off her face quickly enough. "Bobby…if these things can't be killed, and, obviously, they want Dean and Sam dead…"

"You the praying type, kid?"

She sucked in a breath. She had an angel in her pocket. She couldn't _not _pray. She believed. In all of it. "Yeah, I am."

"Good. Send some up. But in the mean time, you keep your happy little self at home, safe, keep that kid safe. And for God's sake, don't go hunting the damn things."

"How would I know I found one, Bobby, if they're like shifters?"

"Oh, you'd know. They bleed black goo, for one, and for two, you can't kill them. Don't let them touch you. That's all they need to copy you, then they know everything about you."

"Everything?" she breathed, thinking of all the secrets regarding Hope and Gabriel, and everything else, The Gospels…all of it.

"Everything," Bobby stated. He paused. "You still safe in the desert?"

She glanced outside, where Hope was splashing in the pool with Andy. Her newest friend had found a teaching job at Hope's school and Ryan felt infinitely better about the kid's safety. "Yeah. We're good down here."

"Stay there. And don't go hunting, ya idjit. I got a bad enough time worrying about Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum without having to worry about you, too."

Her lip quirked again. "I hear ya, Bobby. Don't worry, I'll keep my head down."

"Do. As soon as I know somethin', I'll call you, alright?"

She blew out a breath. "Okay." She punched a button on her phone, ending the call, then walked back outside.

"Well?" Andy asked softly. She didn't know Ryan's connection to Dean, and didn't know either of the boys, however, she knew enough to know they wouldn't go on a killing spree.

"Something wicked this way comes," Ryan murmured as she sank back into the pool.

"Like?"

"Monsters we've never heard of. Bobby's gonna keep me posted. They don't know how to kill them yet."

Andy's face was a mask of horror. If Bobby Singer didn't know how to kill something, it was serious. "And the rest?"

"You know Sam and Dean…Bobby says they're going to handle it."

"Good. I love your kid, Ryan. I don't want to see this upsetting her anymore than it already has."

Ryan sighed. Andy didn't know Hope was Dean's kid, however, she did know that Hope felt affection for them. That was one thing they couldn't hide. The past few days had been rough. When the news broke, Ryan had been washing dishes in the kitchen after supper. They'd had the TV on in the dining room while they ate, something they did on Thursday nights. Hope was cleaning off the table when the special bulletin came on and Ryan could hear Hope's anguished cry over the sound of the running water. She shivered as she remembered the hurt and pain on Hope's face at the thoughts of her father being a monster.

"Well, now, at least, I can tell Hope it's a doppelganger. That should help some, I think."

"So…what do we do?"

"We sit on our thumbs and wait for Bobby to call back."

Andy lowered her sunglasses to look at Ryan. "Are you shitting me? We're just going to sit back and let the boys handle this thing?"

Ryan's eyebrows popped up. "Excuse me? I'm sorry, I thought you hunted _demons_, Andrea. Look, you're a demon…specialist. We've been hunting demons recently. That's cool. But if Bobby says _they _can't handle these monsters…I'm out. Bobby says stay safe, I stay safe. I know he knows I'm a capable hunter, kid or no. I trust him." She smirked. "Besides I didn't think you wanted to run into the Winchesters."

Andy slid her glasses back up her nose with her middle finger, flipping her friend off. "I don't want to run into the Winchesters. But the hunting community isn't huge. Someone's bound to tip those guys off to the fact I'm Ruby's twin. I realize they'll probably shoot first then ask questions later. I'm just biding my time."

Ryan snorted out a breath. "So…you're waiting for death by cop, basically?" Ryan rolled her eyes. "I know we're new friends, Andy, but you have to trust me on this."

"Is this because you've got a thing for one of them?"

"What?!" Ryan shouted so loud, it caught Hope's attention at the other end of the pool.

This time, Andy rolled _her _eyes. "Come off it. The way you talk about them, you've got a thing for one of them. I just can't tell which, and honestly? Sounds like the two are a package deal, anyway."

Ryan swallowed the great lump in her throat. "It's…complicated."

"I guess so. Anyway, it's cool, I get it. You don't talk about your personal life. You've let me in more than I expected you to, so it's all good. And if you say trust Bobby, then, I have to trust you."

Ryan nodded. "Good."

A few days later, she got another all from Bobby. "Borax," he said when she answered the phone.

"Excuse me?" She smiled at one of her coworkers and excused herself from the break room. "What are you talking about?" she whispered. Life had to continue on, even though she was terrified of all of this Leviathan shit.

"Borax burns them. Burn them with the Borax stuff, then decapitate them."

"That kills them?"

"No, but it keeps them immobile for a while. Separate their heads from their bodies and make sure they can't find their ways back."

"You're serious."

"As a heart attack, kid. Pass the word, will you? I've got a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better."

"Thanks," she deadpanned. "You stay safe, Bobby."

"You too. Say hello to the kid, will you?"

Ryan smiled as she thought of Hope. Her daughter had been having a much easier time since the news broke the Winchester boys were dead and she knew the truth, that her dad and uncle were just fine with Bobby up north somewhere. "I will. Talk to you later."

She blew out a breath as she sank back against the wall. Now, she just needed to call and spread the word to Tory and Andy. Who would have ever thought, monsters that couldn't be killed were susceptible to cleaning products?

* * *

**AN2: Soooo...next week is the season 10 premier! I ill be writing a review of the premier at the bottom of next week's chapter. So if you haven't seen it, make sure you click away before you read. I'll make sure to post SPOILER ALERT before it's on there. See you next time! Don't forget to clicky the little button down there and show me some love (Or let me know if there is something you'd like to see in my story!)**

**Ta-ta, my lovelies! **

**Mischief **


	13. Heartache Tonight

**Disclaimer: I still don't own SPN. But if I did, really, I wouldn't let Sammy get the shit beat out of him so much. **

**AN: Ho boy…wow. Lots to say about the new season! My review of the new episode at the bottom! **

* * *

**November (Ryan's POV of chapter four) **

**NOTE:** This takes place between "Season Seven: Time for a Wedding" and "How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters". A few things are slightly off, so I went back and corrected them in Dean's point of view to make it more accurate. When I first started the story, I didn't realize I needed to pinpoint an exact episode this took place near. Hopefully everyone's okay with the changes. If you want, feel free to go back and reread the chapter from Dean's point of view, but the changes are very minute.

* * *

Ryan took a deep breath as she slipped on her boots. She had sworn she wouldn't hunt again, not so soon after Garth called her and asked her to come in on a simple salt and burn a few weeks ago. She had regretted it as soon as she agreed to go, but what could she do? She had told Bobby she would look after the guy. So, she'd promised Hope she would be back in time for her birthday, and had trudged out to Bumfuck, Nebraska, with the ex-dentist. It should have gone easily enough. She was only there as backup. However, the stupid spirit had other plans. Everything had gone according to plan until they dug up the body. Garth had used his stupid, "You've been Garth'd" phrase when she'd been thrown back into a tombstone.

Apparently someone did not want to go quietly into the night. She had been battered around like a ping-pong ball when Garth's lighter refused to light and his matches wouldn't catch fire because they were wet from being in his pocket when he fell into the creek the day before. Finally, he'd gotten the lighter lit and burned the body, but not before Ryan had received a concussion.

That should have been it, and she could go home, but they caught the trail of a rogue vampire not two towns over, so she had begrudgingly stayed an extra day to help him dispose of it. By the time she got home, not only had she been seeing double as she had decorated Hope's birthday cake, but she'd had to answer why it looked as though she'd been in a fight with a heavyweight boxer. She'd handed off a lie about a car crash and Mrs. Fuentes, their nosy neighbor, had bought it.

That had been three weeks ago. Now, with Thanksgiving looming, she truly hadn't planned on going hunting until after the New Year. But when she'd read about the mysterious deaths across the state line that sounded suspiciously like more vampire activity, she couldn't stay still. It was too close to her baby.

She walked into the living room of their small house and smiled at the little girl who was currently drawing a picture. The kid could really draw. She hated using crayons, but loved pencils. Just one of Hopey's little personality quirks Ryan had come to love. "Okay, sweets, you know the deal. Mom's got some business to take care of…"

Hope looked up at her. The child's big, expressive brown eyes narrowed slightly. "Why do you have to be the one to do it?"

Ryan knelt down next to her. "Because, sweetie, there are only so many people in the world that can take care of things like this. So many people don't know these things exist."

"But they watch movies and TV shows about vampires and werewolves and stuff all the time," Hope countered and Ryan sighed. It had been a little over a year since she had told Hope the truth about monsters, but still, Hope had trouble seeing the reasoning behind the secrecy. Luckily, she respected her mother's 'don't tell' policy, and hadn't blabbed about monsters to every person she knew.

"But people don't understand they're real, and not a lot of people are brave enough to realize the dangers that are out there." Hope was seven, but she knew real and not real, right and wrong. It made things a bit complicated when she wrote a story about a vengeful spirit for the young author's competition, but it had won the state championship so Ryan figured it couldn't be too bad. She had just reminded Hope she couldn't go around telling others the truth.

"I wish I was big enough to go with you," Hope pouted.

Ryan's jaw set. "I know you are smart enough, brave enough, fast enough, Hopey, but you aren't old enough. Your daddy didn't start until he was around ten or eleven, your Uncle Sammy, too. I was a grown up and most hunters are. So you have time." She touched Hope's smooth cheek and the little girl closed her eyes and leaned into her touch. "Don't be in a rush to grow up. You'll be doing grown up things all too soon, baby. Please don't rush out of childhood. Enjoy being a kid, babe, okay?"

Hope nodded solemnly. "Okay, Mommy."

Ryan grabbed her in a hug just as the doorbell rang. Ryan dashed to open it to find Andrea looking less than thrilled. "I wish you'd let me go with you."

"Don't start, Blackwell."

"I'm serious, Ryan. Just because I'd rather exorcise demons doesn't mean I don't enjoy hunting vampires."

Ryan smiled. She knew that. "Look, let me check into it, then, if I need help, you know I'll call you."

"You sure? I mean, we can go get Victoria to watch the kid…"

Tory had busted her leg on a job a few weeks back and was now on lockdown until her cast was off. "I know. But I like the idea of leaving someone mobile behind to keep an eye on Hopey."

Andy shot her a look with narrowed eyes. "I don't like it."

"I swear, if I need help, I'll call for backup."

"You'd better, Ryan. I mean it."

Ryan smiled. "I will."

"I still think you should call Garth, have him go with you."

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "I thought you said Garth was a joke."

The younger woman wrinkled her nose. "Garth _is_ a joke, but he's better than no backup at all."

"Garth is sweet. It would do you well to realize he's a decent human being."

"If he's so decent, you hunt with him."

"I have, thank you very much. And he's…capable," Ryan managed. He was, he was just…bumbling. But he had conviction and drive. That made him a decent hunter. "He just needs more practice, but he's good. Bobby Singer has taken him under his wing, and if Bobby gives you the stamp of approval, you must be halfway decent."

Andy remained quiet and Ryan, figuring her point had been made, didn't add anything. She walked over to Hope. "Okie-dokie, guys. I'll be back in a few days."

"Be careful, Mommy," Hope told her. She gave Hope one last big bear hug and dashed out the door to her car.

She sat behind the wheel a moment and let the hunter in her come to the surface. She welcomed the hunter's instincts, welcomed the wild recklessness into her blood, felt the adrenaline flow through her, and she grinned as she cranked the car, cranked the tunes, and booked it out of the driveway toward her case.

The drive was only a few hours away and that worried her. She didn't like monsters this close to her home turf. It was early afternoon when she checked in to the cheap motel. She got out some of the gear she might need and dressed quickly in her dove grey suit, smoothing the jacket down over the magenta long sleeved silk shirt. She didn't like having to wear it, but she knew she looked good. She popped first one, then two of the buttons, making sure her cleavage was just a hint out there to attract the asshole no doubt she would be dealing with. Local cops got a chip on their shoulder when anyone federal made their way in, especially if the agent was a woman, so she tried the flirting routine first. If that didn't work, she always had the bitchy bad ass approach she could use.

She quickly twisted her hair up into a functional chignon and donned her gun and her fake FBI badge. She glanced at the mirror, checked her makeup once more, then hurried back out to her car.

Only a handful of moments later, she was stepping inside the police station and letting her eyes adjust to the dimness within. She walked up to the young man behind the counter. He was young, probably just out of Basic Law Enforcement Training, so no more than early twenties. Rules had changed, so she knew he had to be a certain age for his conceal and carry, and that meant he couldn't have gone into BLET until he reached that particular milestone.

"C-can I help you?" he managed.

She smiled brightly at him. "Hi," she breathed, throwing her southern charm out for more effect, "My name is Agent Ryan Daemon and I'm with the FBI. I heard ya'll had some weird stuff going on. The local field office wanted me to come up and have a little peek at what's happening, see if it needs to be made a federal case."

He looked at her slack-jawed for a moment before he nodded and scrambled to his feet. "Yes, ma'am, let me get my boss…"

_Piece of cake, _she thought with a smirk. The years had given her the strength and experience to handle flirting with men and she had it down to an art form. Gone was the girl scared of every man she came up on. Now she was, well, she still wasn't normal, but she did a better job of acting like it, in any case.

She watched as he scurried over to another man that looked close to her age and he smiled as he beckoned her over. He then held out a hand to shake hers. "Agent. Richard Astley, I'm lead on the case." She smiled at him and he added, "No, not _that _Rick Astley."

She laughed out loud and put a hand on his arm, flirting to the best of her abilities. "Oh my word. Your parents Rick-Rolled you? Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!"

He smiled. "It's the bane of my existence, I'm afraid."

Her smile grew as she continued to flirt with him. "It must not have affected your love life," she commented sweetly as she glanced at the wedding ring on his hand. She winked and leaned in closer. "If you were mine, I'd never give you up, either."

He blushed and she knew she had him hook, line, and sinker. "I just need to get a peek at your records," she continued. "The field office has no doubt about your abilities. They just want me to take a gander at your work thus far. Turns out there have been a couple of deaths similar to this in the next state over and they're worried it's a federal case. Personally, I think it's just a bunch of hooey. I feel sure you can handle it, Rick."

Just then, she felt a presence behind her and she took a deep breath. Only one person she knew could send her body singing just by being in close proximity. She was proven right as Dean's gruff voice breathed, "Boss, sorry we are late."

Ryan had to use every bit of her acting skills to calmly turn and looked up at him. Though she wanted nothing more to wrap her arms around him and sob, thankful he was alive and safe and standing right there, she held it all in, giving him an amused smirk. "Just don't let it happen again, or the next time punishments will be severe."

He grinned and dropped his voice so only she could hear him; "You know I like punishments, Agent Daemon."

She felt the thrill travel up from her toes, making a beeline straight to her clit, but she sent him a sour look and turned back to the cop who was once more eyeing her appreciatively. "Sorry, Rick. Do you think my minions and I could look at the case files? Maybe somewhere private? We don't want to disturb anyone…"

"Sure, sure, the small interrogation room is available. Let me get you those case files…" Rick jumped to and yelled for the boxes to be brought into the room. Two other officers grabbed some boxes, sat them on the small table in the room, and exited without a word. Ryan followed him in and she gave him a little wink just before Sam shut the door in his face.

When she turned, Dean was right up on her, looking more than a little livid. It caused her to grin. Jealous Dean was pretty fucking hot. Just add him to the list of Deans she found a turn on. Damn.

"Did you have to be all over that jerk out there?" Dean demanded.

She put her hands on her hips. Jealous or not, he couldn't act like a dick to her. Not after all the tears she'd spilled for him, not for all the sorrow she felt each time a new damn Gospel came to her door. Not after she had birthed and raised their daughter right by herself. Not after she had met Lisa and Ben…but she didn't feel sorrow now. All she felt at the moment was annoyance. "Hello to you, too, Dean. Glad to see you. It's been seven years. How the hell are you? I'm fine, thanks for asking. Sure, I'd be glad to fuck you, but right now can we concentrate on the case?"

_Whoa. Give him hell, sweet cheeks, _Gabriel murmured in her mind. _But it hasn't been seven years, it's technically been eight and change. The kid is seven, remember?_

_Not helping…_she growled in Gabriel's direction.

Dean's mouth fell open, as did Sam's and she shook her head and chuckled before she closed the distance between them and hugged Dean. She couldn't help it. She needed to touch him. Her hands wrapped around his waist and landed flat on his large, solid back. "I've missed you, Winchester," she breathed as she closed her eyes, taking him in. It always felt right, being in his arms, even now, after all these years.

He hugged her back. "Sorry," he breathed into her ear. "I don't like seeing you flirt with other men."

She pulled away and looked into his eyes, reading all the things he couldn't say. He _had_ missed her; that much was evident. He was still very turned on by her, as well. She could all but feel the outline of him hard and ready. He was gorgeous and she said the first thing that came to the forefront of her thoughts. "You know the only man I have sex with is you, Dean."

He just looked at her in surprise a moment and she resisted the urge to smirk. _Wow. Dean Winchester, speechless because of me._ It was definitely a win in her book.

Just then, Sam spoke up, "Uh, I'm still standing here, guys."

Ryan turned from Dean and appraised him quickly and warily. Their last case together was burned into her mind and she'd sworn she would never forgive the younger Winchester for almost getting her killed. Of course, she knew Gabriel had been there to keep her safe, but still…besides, if she _had _died, and Gabriel _couldn't _have saved her, Hope would be cared for in the event of her death. She had paperwork set up for Bobby to take Hope and tell Dean the truth, if need be. She wasn't, however, sure she could forgive Sam for the close call. That was before the gospel came and she found out he had been soulless at the time. This realization made it a bit easier to forgive. But that didn't mean she would forget.

So she was stiff as she held out a hand for him to shake. "Hello, Sam. It's been a while."

She heard Dean to laugh. "Ry, uh, Sam doesn't remember you."

She blinked. She wasn't really sure the gospels were right. Did he really not remember? How could he forget? "Dude, I know I'm forgettable, but we just worked a case together last year."

"L-Last year?" Dean asked.

Ryan nodded, still not taking her eyes off Sam. He couldn't remember the musty smell of the basement? Couldn't remember throwing her into the thing on the chance it would slash her instead of him? He didn't remember Mark nursing her wounds? He didn't remember holding her hand while giving her halfhearted apologies as Mark stitched her up with a sewing needle and some thread? She still had the claw scars on her back from the beast. Gabriel had healed them, but the scars remained. She could still smell the monster's fetid stench, could still smell the ion in the air as they zapped the thing with their juiced tasers. All of it. But to him, she simply said, "Yeah. Don't you remember, Sam? I hooked up with you and your cousin. We were after a Rawhead. Killed that nasty mother, too."

"A Rawhead?" Sam asked, bewildered.

She nodded. He really didn't remember. The gospels were right again, weren't they? "Yeah. I caught its scent in Kentucky after I scared it off from my…" She almost said, 'my daughter'. "My friend's kid." _That's better. _"Chased that fucker all the way until I called Mark for backup in Arkansas, you came with him. You helped me dispose of the damned thing, almost got me killed..." _In a round about way, anyway. _She remembered the horror when it came after her daughter, after she'd fount out what the damn thing was. She could still remember the fear as she had asked her neighbor to look after Hope while she went and hunted the thing down. Then, when she'd returned, hurt, the questions, the concern, having to move yet again to stay safe…

Sam blinked. "I'm sorry…I don't remember…"

"Don't try to remember," Dean hissed under his breath, though Ryan heard him and she had an idea why he didn't want Sam to try to focus on past memories. Her heart went out to him even though she was pissed at him for being soulless in the first place.

To Ryan, Dean said, "Sam has had some…issues with memory."

She just looked from one to the other of them. If she had been looking for some form of explanation or apology from either of them, she sure as hell wasn't going to get one. "Ooookay. Well, anyway, Sam said you were out, Dean. What happened?" _Shit! Why did you ask him that?! Fuck, Mouth! Work with Brain on this shit! _

He put on a grin and shrugged. "Yeah, tried the apple pie life, found it wasn't my deal."

He was full of shit. She could see the hurt and pain in his eyes and she could kick her own ass for bringing it up, so she didn't pursue it. "Well, I hate that, but at least you got a vacation. I seem to remember your dad believing monsters didn't take vacations."

He nodded. "They don't, do they?"

"So, we know one another?" Sam asked softly.

She looked him over a moment. _What is in the past is in the past, Ryan. Sam didn't mean to get you hurt. You were a weapon just like anything else. If you had just run the thing off instead of hunting it, you wouldn't have gotten hurt anyway. _So Ryan just inclined her head. "Yeah. We've met. But before that," her lips quirked, "I was Dean's first exorcism. Yours too, for that matter."

She could see the recognition dawning in his eyes. "Ryan?" he asked, incredulous.

She nodded. "Right in one. See? You never forget your first, am I right?"

Sam chuckled and hugged her. She let him. _He won't hurt you, Ryan, _Gabriel reminded herself. _Not this Sam, in any case_. It made her feel better.

"You're a hunter?" he inquired.

She nodded. "Yeah, off and on for thirteen years now."

"Off and on?"

She shrugged, doing her damnedest to remain evasive. "I've had a lot of shit going on in my life."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, tell me about it." He paused. "You still friends with Bobby?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but we don't see each other, haven't for ages. I talk to him on the phone occasionally. He said you two were neck deep in this Leviathan crapfest." So far, she hadn't run into one, but still…these Leviathan things scared her. She was terrified the boys wouldn't find a way to kill them permanently. They couldn't keep ripping the heads off the things and burying the bodies separately, could they?

Dean's nose curled. "Yeah, oily bastards. Nasty ass, fucking…" He shook his head. "Anyway, so, vamps?"

She inclined her head as she picked up a case file. She had hacked the database and found a lot of these already, but this latest one sealed the deal. "'Fraid so. Definitely a nest, not newbies, but they're slipping up, so they must have a new recruit, really hungry, I suppose. When was the last time ya'll worked a vamp case?"

Dean closed his eyes and she could all but feel the hurt radiating from him. "Dean?" Ryan asked softly, laying a hand on his arm. "You okay?" She tried to remember back to the last vampires they had dealt with when it hit her…Lisa and Ben. She remembered reading about how he had thought he was going to die, how he had gone back to their house, stupid mistake, and had almost hurt them, had, in fact, pushed Ben around a little bit. But when she'd received the manuscript with the knowledge of Castiel wiping their memories, her heart had hurt in more ways than she could say. She had been jealous of the fact this Lisa had what she, herself, craved, and had been irritated with the way Lisa and Dean both had handled things in the end. She wanted Dean happy above anything. Hell, she _liked _Lisa. If Dean's happiness didn't mean he was with her and Hope, she was okay with that. She _did _have Hope. That was all she needed in this world. But now, here he was standing before her, sad and alone.

"Yeah," he said gruffly. "Let's just get this shit taken care of, alright?"

She didn't let his clipped tone affect her. Dean had hardened from the boy she knew so many years ago, even from the man she had met in New Orleans. They were both adults now and had seen their fair share of shit. Dean had died and gone to Hell where he spent decades in Hell-time being tortured. He was no longer light or carefree. It saddened her. She wished she had been with him, to help him, to ease his pain and suffering, but she had been busy with Hope, and it was still evident she was to respect Gabriel's wishes and keep her child from her father. Gabriel was reiterating it in her head right then. _Shut it, angel-face! _she demanded. _I got the memo, okay? Dean isn't to know about Hope. Would you shut your pie hole for one damn minute so I can concentrate?_

She blinked then delved into telling them what research she had done already. They looked over case files for a few more moments and gathered what they would need to take with them.

"We need to figure out where their nest is," she told them as she slid the paperwork into her satchel. She hated she hadn't gathered more Intel, but as soon as she caught wind of the mere possibility of the nest being so close to Hope, she had immediately called Andy to come and let her go handle things.

"Agreed," Sam stated with a nod. "Let's get to the motel and then I can start researching any hidden caves or abandoned warehouses in the area."

Ryan nodded. "Sounds good. I can go to the library if need be and…"

"No, Ryan needs to help me with something," Dean spoke up quickly.

Sam rolled his eyes and Ryan chuckled. _Horney bastard, _she mused. She had wanted Dean from the second she laid eyes on him, but she didn't actually think he would…but one glance at the look in his eyes answered that question. _Gabe, I hope you're going to shut your eyes, because Mama's about to get laid. _She heard him chuckling and he remained silent. "Dean, shouldn't we deal with the research first?" she inquired. "I mean, you know I'm a sure thing." Realizing he still wanted her, still needed to be with her, there was no way in hell she was going to let him leave without being with him at least once. Now that her body was so near to his, it was all but panting with want. He was her addiction and she was jonesing for her next fix.

"Research takes one person at best. We don't all need to be looking for a list of abandoned buildings, right?"

Ryan looked at Sam and Sam looked at Dean before Sam just shook his head. "Sure. I'll handle it. You two…do whatever the hell you need to do."

Ryan blinked. She wasn't sure what she was expecting from Sam, but that wasn't it. Just blatant acceptance of the fact she and Dean were going to go screw. _Well, alrighty then, _she mused. "Wow. Okay, thanks, Sam."

Sam blew out a breath. "I'm used to it."

They walked out together, completely ignoring the local fuzz and Ryan thumbed her way down the street. "Demon's this way. You wanna ride, Dean?"

He tossed his keys to Sam and followed her, his long strides eating the distance between them quickly. "I, uh, it's been a while for me, Ryan," he confessed softly.

She stopped and looked up at him. She wanted nothing more than to help him, to take his pain away, to admit what she'd known since he stayed over that night in college. She loved him. But she didn't utter a word. He wouldn't care at this point in time anyway. So, she said what would work the best in this situation. "Bobby told me."

"Bobby tell you everything?" he asked gruffly.

Bobby hadn't told her a thing. But she knew more than she should from The Gospels. "Enough," she said softly. "We can talk…"

"I don't wanna talk," he pouted.

She smiled softly. He was such a sad man-child. His father had never shown them how to say how they felt, he'd never given them the gentleness they needed to be normal human beings. They could both do with some therapy. She should know, she'd had her fair share. But this wasn't the time, so she just went with it. "Okay," she purred. "Then we'll do whatever you need, Dean."

"What do you need, Ryan?" he asked.

She didn't need to say anything other than, "You."

PAGE BREAK

They flew down the highway listening to The Eagles. She kept waiting for him to want to change the music, but he didn't comment and she honestly wished he would, because listening to Glenn Frey belt out "Heartache Tonight" wasn't helping her any and she knew the song was right. Maybe not tonight, but tomorrow, possibly the next day, she'd be left with nothing but heartache. She glanced over at him and smiled. _Fuck it. At least I'll enjoy being with him for what little time I have. _

She let go of her heart and focused on him, briefly wondering if he was still thinking about Lisa and Ben. It hadn't been that long ago he made his decision to have Cas wipe their memories. She had just gotten the gospel about it a few months before. She knew, too, he was grieving over the loss of the angel he called brother, but another glance out of the corner of her eye showed that he was watching her and smiling softly, causing her to grin. Maybe she was as good for Dean as he was for her. It was a nice thought, in any case.

She couldn't help it as her mind wonder to the _what ifs? _in life. Not that she didn't love Hope with all her heart, because she did. She'd go to Hell for that child in a skinny minute. But…what if Gabriel hadn't come to her that night? Would she and Dean have hunted together? Would he have gone to get Sam instead of her helping him hunt for his father? Would Jessica still be alive? Would the apocalypse have happened if she had been by his side?

Gabriel was quiet on the subject, so she assumed he was respecting her earlier wish for privacy. He did that, sometimes, just bunkered down without speaking. For weeks, sometimes. She considered it, what it could have been, her and Dean hunting monsters during the night, making love all damn day, being the best at their jobs and not giving a fuck about anything but killing evil and loving each other. It was a good thought, a happy thought. She wished, just for an instant, it could have been, but then she thought of the angel faced little girl waiting at home and couldn't regret anything that had led her to this point in her life.

"You look happy," she heard him comment as she killed the engine, then led him to her door. They heard the other car pull in behind them and she saw Sam head to the office to snag a room.

She smiled at him. "I am happy. Finally."

"It isn't a guy, is it?"

She laughed. Again, only Dean. ""No, it isn't. You think I'd screw around with you on my guy? What kind of tramp do you take me for?" she asked with a giggle. "Nah, I just…I finally have my life figured out. I've got a nice, normal job. I just hunt on the weekends and to keep my skills up. I've found a balance. Not many hunters can. I just…look at the world differently now."

"You'll have to let me in on the secret."

_My daughter. Our daughter. She makes life worth living, _she thought. But, she couldn't say that, so she merely shrugged. "Life is what you make it, Dean. I just chose to make it good."

"I don't know what that means," he confessed.

She laughed her way through the pain of the statement. Of course he didn't. The man had only known snippets of happiness. She felt it every damn day. But she couldn't feel sorry for him. It wouldn't do him one damn bit of good and would only incense him to her. "Yeah, I'm Oprah over here. Go get your shit, Winchester. I've got an itch only you can scratch."

His eyebrows rose and he mock-saluted her as she unlocked the door and he strode to the Impala for his bag. She walked into the room and grinned. Well, her night was shaping up to be a hell of a lot better than she originally intended. Luckily, she had some sexy underwear on. It wouldn't do to be caught wearing granny panties around Dean Winchester.

She quickly texted Andy to make sure everything was okay there and to let her know she would be incommunicado for the next day at least. Her phone immediately pinged her back with Andy's reply; _U got help? _

Ryan chortled and sent back, _The Winchester boys are already on the case. I'm staying to help. _

She saw the bubble indicating Andy was typing again. _Good. Keep yourself safe. _She then sent a picture of a smiling Hope covered in marinara sauce from making homemade pizzas.

She grinned. _Thanks for that. Luv that little girl. C U soon. _She then turned her phone off and slipped it in her bag. She grabbed her toiletries and decided to freshen up just a bit. She knew Dean would come in with one thing on his mind. Not that she cared. In fact, her whole body was thrumming with need.

She considered what to do…being with Dean had been spontaneous the other two times, but this…she could have some fun with. She dashed back out into the room to gather some things and make sure her little iPod docking station was plugged in and waiting. A quick glance out the window showed he and Sam chatting by their car and she smiled before she dashed back into the bathroom.

She heard Dean whistling as he made his way into her hotel room and she heard him call, "Where are you?"

"Getting cleaned up," she replied as she freshened up her makeup. She didn't wear a lot, but she wanted to look decent for him, even though he would definitely kiss it all off of her anyway. "I got booze and chocolate," she offered. That, along with some call-in pizza had been her plan for dinner. "If you're hungry for anything else, we'll have to order out."

"Works for me," came his reply as she opened the bathroom door. He turned at the sound of the door opening and whistled low. "Damn. So does that." She propped herself up against the doorjamb wearing the shirt and jacket from earlier, but she had changed into a skirt. She didn't often wear them, but something had urged her to slip it into her bag. She was thankful, now, that she'd done it. Plus, she still had on the heels. She had seen him noticing them earlier.

She smirked. "See something you like?"

"Hell yes, woman. Come here."

She shook her head and sauntered to the iPod dock she had brought with her. She punched a few buttons and he whimpered as Nine Inch Nails came on. She smirked. "It's cliché as all hell, but the song gets me all hot and bothered." It was true. This was on the playlist she titled FME (For My Entertainment) and it was for when she needed a little…self loving.

She watched him as he stretched his neck to pop it. She could tell she was getting him all hot and bothered. Well, the scene before her was working on her, too.

"Good little girls like you shouldn't be listening to songs like this," he muttered as Trent Reznor's voice screamed at them.

She grinned as she began stripping for him. She had taken a pole dancing class for the hell of it because Tory and Andy had talked her into it and she found she was actually quite good at it. The stripping wasn't that hard to add into the mix, either, and she refused to admit to herself she had learned it just for him on the off chance she got the opportunity to show him what she'd learned.

When she was down to just her light blue panties and bra (and the shoes, because, hey, he seemed to really, _really_ like the shoes) she sauntered to him and pushed him onto the bed before she straddled his waist. "Who said I was a good little girl, Dean?"

"Fuck," he muttered as she gyrated on top of him.

"I've missed you," she breathed as she bent her head to kiss him. It was God's honest truth. She missed him more than she thought possible. It almost physically hurt to be with him, but she couldn't stop. She needed him. So damn bad.

His hands wrapped around her waist as his lips and tongue fought for dominance. When he pulled away, both of them were panting. "Me too." His hands traveled up her back and he quickly unfastened her bra, flinging it across the room. He flipped them then and began worshiping her body with his lips, giving little teasing kisses to each inch of skin until he got down low to where her panties sat on her stomach.

She waited with bated breath for him to notice her tattoo. Trish had fell in love with the simple design of it when Ryan showed it to her. She had wanted to mark herself as Dean's for a while, so when she started watching Doctor Who, she knew what she needed to do. It wasn't a coincidence their logo happened to have the same initials as his name. Sure enough, his eyebrow shot up as he pulled the fabric down to reveal the blocky DW tattooed there. "DW? You marked yourself for me?"

She giggled. There was a reason she had gotten this particular tattoo but he damn sure didn't need to know it. "Don't flatter yourself, Dean. It's Doctor Who, a TV show. It's even T.A.R.D.I.S. blue."

He blinked and stared into her eyes. "I'm sure that is supposed to mean something to me."

She shook her head and pulled his face down to hers where she kissed him tenderly. "Don't worry about it." She began unbuttoning his shirt and he tossed the dress shirt to the side before tearing off his under-shirt. "Wow. You got inked," she breathed, fingering the anti-possession tattoo. _Fuck, _she thought. She loved seeing the dark ink in his skin. She had wondered why he didn't have more tattoos. Most of the hunters she'd met, male or female, were rough, hardened, tatted up, scarred, booze swilling, chain smoking roughnecks, but not Dean. It made her love him even more that though he was hardened, she could easily sense that he still held onto his more gentlemanly side. She would pay money to see him in a tux if seeing him in the sexy fake FBI suit was any indication of how good he would look.

He nodded. "Yeah, uh, guess you're not the only one to get possessed by a demon."

She gave him a sorrowful look. She knew the tale; it hadn't been _him _that had gotten possessed, but she wanted to give him the opportunity to tell her. "Did you hurt anyone?"

He shook his head, and she realized he didn't want to talk about it. She would never be able to get him to open up, but that didn't stop her from trying. "Nah, I've done worse than that now. That was forever ago." He paused. "I'm not a good man anymore, Ryan. Truthfully, I'm not sure I ever was."

Her finger went to his lips, silencing him. He didn't need this kind of negativity. He was one of the best men she knew. Didn't she tell her daughter, _their _daughter that every day? "None of us are good, Dean. Not one. We just try our best." She sat up and moved her hair to the side so he could see her own anti-possession tattoo sitting on her shoulders.

He let out a snort. "Angel wings? Really? Fucking angel douchebags."

She giggled. She'd heard all about the things the angels had done to them, had also gotten a first-hand account of the things Gabriel had put them through, and she had let Gabriel have it, too. Of course, he hadn't offered any explanation for why he'd tortured them as he had. She just assumed he would tell her when he was ready. "Let me guess…had a few bad run-ins, did we?"

"Yeah. Of course, Bobby told you, didn't he?" he stated sulkily.

"We don't sit around and gossip about the Winchesters, Dean," she admonished. Bobby never told her anything anyway, even when she _did _ask. "Bobby and I often have important stuff to discuss."

"Why haven't you called me?" he asked suddenly.

She blinked. Out of all the conversations to have, this one was the one he wanted to delve into? When she was all but naked? Really? Seriously? "Wow. Are we really having this conversation? _Now?_" Like she could tell him. What would she say? _Sorry, Dean. I've been busy raising our daughter, who I can't tell you about? _Nah, she damn sure couldn't do that.

He shook his head. "No, I mean, yes, I…damn it, Ryan, I just figured I would have heard from you once or twice."

She wanted to shake him, she really did. Yet again, the 'what ifs' would be her downfall. She settled on, "The phone works both ways, Dean. I'm sorry I didn't call you, like I said, I've had shit going on in my life. And from what I hear, you've been busy. I'm not pissy over the fact I've not heard from you in seven years, you shouldn't be either."

He blew out a breath and it seemed as though she could literally watch him think. She gave him a few moments before she smiled. They couldn't undo the past, they could only learn from it and move on. Maybe, somehow, they would see one another sooner than every few years. "Got your shit straightened out in that pretty little head of yours, Winchester? Ready to come back to the now, are we?"

"You little…" he began as he started tickling her.

She was so very ticklish, always had been, and Hope was just the same. She cried and giggled as he tortured her mercilessly until she was breathless and her laughter soon gave way to moans as his tickles became gentle touches that were meant to excite her and it took no time at all for her to be panting and wanting.

"Please, Dean," she breathed as her hands dove to him, stroking him in his pants. He was so gloriously hard, she had to have him. Now. "I need you."

He tore his lips from her neck and stood in a flash, stripping naked quickly before pouncing on her once more. She let out a growl and felt him waiting for her permission. "Fuck me, Dean," she demanded.

He didn't even finish undressing her as he moved her panties to the side and plunged into her. They both cried out in ecstasy as she welcomed him into her heat. "Fuck, Dean," she panted as his hands moved all over her. It seemed as if there was three of him as he touched her everywhere, all at once.

"God, you feel incredible," he muttered as his mouth descended to hers. His kiss was tender as her hands grazed his back and she was more than a little surprised. His features had a hardened edge to them, so she was more than a little shocked at how he still touched her as if she were made of spun glass. It made her feel cherished and she briefly wondered if he always made women feel as if they were the only creatures in the world. It wouldn't surprise her if he did.

She rolled them so she was on top and she moved away from him and smirked as she stood and shimmied playfully out of her underwear before she came back to him and straddled his waist. "I think it's time I ran the show, Dean."

He smirked and put his hands behind his head as if he were about to take a nap. "Be my guest, sweetheart."

She lifted herself just slightly before she plunged onto him and she loved watching his eyes roll back in his head even as his hands came forward to grasp her hips. "God…so…fucking…" he muttered as she moved. He looked up at her and she wondered what he saw. She felt…powerful, like a goddess, and she wondered if he saw her that way. Did he see her as she once was? Pitiful and pathetic? Was she no more than a pity fuck? Or did he see her as she felt now? Invincible, strong, feminine, deadly, desirable.

Her hands traveled up to her hair and she brushed it out of her eyes as his hands traveled up her sides to come around to her breasts. Her body had changed some since Hope. She had more feminine curves now, the swell of her hips a bit more defined, her breasts were a bit bigger, not quite as high and perfect, but it didn't seem to bother him as he fondled each one, causing her to cry out in pleasure as he worked over her nipples before he pulled her down to him to lave each one with his mouth.

She felt the quickening start and his hands traveled once more to her hips, helping her move as the orgasm ripped through her, rendering her almost immobile as the sensations flowed through her. She slid down to him, sated, and he chuckled as he rolled them. "Just lay back, Ryan, let me do all the work now."

She smiled lazily as she looked up at him. "I don't know if you can get another one out of me, Dean. That was terrific."

His smile was predatory as he said, "Oh, I consider that a challenge…"

He didn't disappoint.

They lay sated, sweaty, and breathless as they both came down from their highs. "Fuck me, that was excellent," she muttered.

He chuckled and leaned over to kiss her naked breast. "You act as if it's been years, Ryan."

"It has been," she breathed.

"What?"

She looked at him and turned over onto her stomach to look him in the eye. _Shit. Probably shouldn't have said that…_ "It _has_ been years, Dean," she admitted. "I haven't been with anyone."

"Since me?!" he asked, sounding bewildered.

She nodded and kissed his chest, biting his nipple just slightly, sending a shiver through him. She loved doing things to this man. It had never occurred to her before why she never wanted to try with another man. Of course, she heeded Gabriel's warning, but even when Dean was 'dead' she had never felt the urge to be with anyone else. She had almost begun to wonder if maybe she _had _been born just for Dean. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it?

"But…why?" he inquired. "Ryan, why haven't you been with anyone else?"

She shrugged and turned away from him to stand. Why was he being so weird about this? She wouldn't talk to him about it. Couldn't he just accept it for what it was and move on with it? No, she wasn't interested in any other men. She turned down enough of them in the past, and even now, at work, she had earned the nickname of 'Ice Queen'. She supposed it should, but it didn't bother her one damn bit. "I'm hungry. Want me to call in something to eat?"

"Ryan…" She could hear the warning in his tone and she turned to find him sitting up, looking at her. Sadness overtook her in that moment. She couldn't explain why. She could almost see the two of them being together every day, not this whole 'seeing each other once every few years' thing. Why was it when she looked at him, she saw home? She held in the tears as she settled on, "Look, Dean, you know I'm messed up, right? So, I'm not comfortable around men, except you. Sue me."

"Ry, that's not…well, it's not the healthiest thing in the world."

She let out a flat laugh. Seriously? He was going _there_? The man was just as fucked up as she was, just in a different way. She didn't know what they did to him in Hell to break him, but she had a pretty good idea. And if it had happened to her again, it would have broken her, just the same. "Hello? Are you listening to yourself? Like you're the poster child for healthy living?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay, you're right, but still, Ry, you've gotta try…"

Her eyebrow rose and deciding a different tack, she sauntered back to the bed and slithered up to him. "You mean to tell me you _want _me to be with other guys?" she purred. "You want to know that I _fuck _other men? You want to know that other men have been _inside _me, Dean?"

She was bating him. And it worked. He grabbed her arms and forced her onto her back as he hovered over her with both her wrists in his hand above her head. She felt the thrill, not fear, no more fear, never fear of Dean, but the thrill of excitement run through her as he towered over her. "No, you know that's not what I want. Damn it, Ryan, of course a man wants to think a woman's only ever been with him. We're simple creatures. But I know, for a fact, I know, you need to be with men besides me."

_I don't want any other man, Dean. I want you. I want you for today, tomorrow, yesterday, I want to grow old with you and watch our grandbabies and have more sweet little angels with you…_But she couldn't. That was a pipe dream. It would only cause her more heartache in the long run. So, she'd give him a fuck and a grin and call it done, never letting him see her heart and how torn it always was around him. And, no, she would never have another man. Not because of Gabriel, though that was a valid reason, no, she would never want another man, because the only one she wanted was glaring daggers at her right this very moment. "Well, I don't want to. Why would I settle for ground chuck when I could have Grade: A sirloin?"

He blinked and she saw his sexy, smarmy, little grin pop out. "Did you just compare me to a side of meat?"

She giggled and reached up to kiss his lips. This man was absolutely perfect for her and she wondered if maybe he was made for her just as she was beginning to believe she was made for him. "Dean, I'm not interested in sex, well, except with you. It's not a big thing, I just don't feel safe enough to let myself go with anyone else. Consider it a compliment or not, I don't care, but that's how I feel."

"So…really, just me?"

She smiled. What else could she do? "Yes."

"Wow. Why me?"

Her smile grew. "Just because you're you."

She could sense his brain freaking out on him, his emotions going into overdrive, and she didn't need that. They were together for now, for this moment. They couldn't be more than that. So, she gave him a peck on the lips and snuck out from under him. "Pizza, burgers, or Chinese?"

"Burgers, definitely," he stated quickly.

"No onion," she declared flatly as she reached for the phone book on the beside table. Not that she wouldn't kiss him with onion breath, because, hey, she loved onions, too, but she really wasn't finished with him yet.

"Damn it. Chili cheese fries?" he asked hopefully.

She grinned. Such a child. Just one more thing about him she loved. "And milkshakes."

"Sold."

She called in the order while he got dressed, making sure to order Sam something as well. She had no doubts he, too, would be hungry.

"What happened between you and Sam?" he asked when she hung up the phone and sauntered to the bathroom to get cleaned up before she redressed.

_Shit! He would ask about it again, wouldn't he?_ She wet a washcloth and cleaned up a bit before she answered."What?" she asked from behind the closed door, praying he would let it go.

"Between you and Sam," he clarified as she walked out, now naked once more. She walked over to her bag to find some comfortable clothes, trying to act aloof and fearing that she was failing miserably. "I saw you," he told her. "You were…cold, Ryan. I've never seen you like that."

She shrugged. What could she say? She couldn't change how she reacted to it. "You don't know me very well, Dean," she stated offhandedly as she rummaged around in her duffle. It was a lie and they both knew it. Granted, he didn't know her as well as he _could_, but he still knew her pretty damn well.

"Don't hand that to me, Ryan. I know you plenty well enough."

She slid into a pair of jeans and into a tee shirt before she looked at him. _Man, are you sexy or what? I'd love to just strip you out of those clothes and fuck you again_. She blinked. She wasn't used to having these kinds of thoughts. It was unsettling to say the least. "It was nothing," she told him, bringing her mind back to the conversation as she sat down to put on her boots.

"No, Ryan, it was something. I saw…fear in your eyes. You were scared of Sam."

That gave her pause. Yeah, he was pretty damn good at reading her, wasn't he? "He didn't act like he did today."

"He was soulless," Dean told her. "He was soulless and almost got me killed, too."

She paused as she laced up one boot and glanced at him. She knew she needed to let it go, but not quite this easily. She had forgiven Sam, but forgetting definitely wasn't in the cards. "Does that make it okay?" she questioned hotly.

"No, of course not, I just…what happened?"

She _really _didn't want to talk about it. It still scared her to her toes, how she almost lost her life because of Sam. "I told you. A Rawhead came after kids in my town. I chased it from Kentucky down through Tennessee, to Arkansas. I called Bobby, who gave me Mark's number, which I already had. He brought Sam along, told me you guys were cousins."

"Yeah, and?"

She took a breath and blew it out. "And we hunted the damn thing. Set a trap, killed it."

"And you almost got killed?" he prompted.

She opened her mouth and closed it once, trying to decide what to say. If she gave in and thought about it, she would cry, then she would probably blurt out the truth about Hope and how many times she had wanted to call Dean and tell him how much she needed him. She couldn't do that, not now, she couldn't hurt him that way, so soon after Ben and Lisa. It would be too cruel.

"Don't spare my feelings, Ryan," he implored, bringing her out of her thoughts. "If he did something to you, said something to you…Sam was a real douche without his soul. He looked at things differently."

A lone tear she couldn't hold in ran down her face and she shook her head. She couldn't tell him any of it. If she told him how Sam had made her feel…like she was some whore they could fuck and dump, if she admitted how scared she was, it would all come out. So, she sucked it up and dealt with it. "It's fine. He said…some stuff, nothing that would have bothered me had it come from you, I was just…on edge. He was…he was scary, I guess is a good word for it. I don't scare easily anymore, but he scared me."

Dean's hands balled into fists. "He didn't…" he paused and she could easily see the pain in his eyes as he asked, "Do I need to…?"

She shook her head adamantly. "No. He didn't touch me, Dean."

"You promise?"

She smiled slightly at that and said the first thing that popped into her head; "Even soulless, I don't think Sam is capable of _that, _do you?"

He didn't respond.

"Besides," she continued, "He didn't know, did he? You said he doesn't remember that time. I believe you. And talking to him what little I did today, I have to see how he was last time wasn't the norm."

"You got hurt…the claw marks on your back…they were from the Rawhead, weren't they?"

She bit her lip and nodded. She wouldn't cry. Not now. She couldn't. "It had my scent, so we knew it wouldn't let me take the kids upstairs. Sam and I fought it. It threw us both around a little bit. Sam shoved me, I landed against it, it dug its claws into me, Sam killed it."

She knew he was waiting for more, and when she didn't speak again, he shook his head. "Did he push you into that thing on purpose?"

She shrugged noncommittally. She thought about it often, and she still didn't know. "I don't know. Right after it happened, I was sure, but then he seemed remorseful for it, so I thought maybe I was imagining things. It's all good. I healed." Even to her, her voice sounded begrudging. "It's fine, Dean," she stated tiredly. She didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Look, I don't know if he did it on purpose or not, and now that it's over? It doesn't matter one damn bit. I lived through it."

"He really isn't like that…" Dean began.

She smiled softly. After everything she had read, she knew that. "I know. I'm a friend of Bobby's, remember?"

Dean winced. "Sometimes…well, I don't think Bobby is Sam's biggest fan…"

She shook her head. _He has no idea how much Bobby loves them, does he? _"Bobby loves you boys, both of you." She was honestly surprised Bobby hadn't told Dean about Hope, and clearly Bobby's love for _her _was the only think keeping his silence.

He shrugged off her comment, just as she knew he would. "Come on, let's go over to Sam's room, hash this stuff out, see if he's found anything useful…" She could have just stayed right there with Dean all night and into tomorrow, but she wanted to get to know Sam just a little bit. All she knew was from The Gospels, and that one incident last year. Neither painted him in the best light.

Dean held the door open for her and she smiled slightly as she walked out. _Just when you think he's not going to be a total gentleman, he surprises you, _she thought. He stopped just outside the door. "Damn, I could use some M&amp;M's. You want something?"

She rolled her eyes. "The food is on its way, Dean."

"But I'm hungry now," he whined.

She couldn't contain the giggle. He reminded her so much of Hope in that instance. When the kid was hungry, she was _hungry._ "Sure. Whatever is fine. The only candy I don't eat is Whoppers and licorice." Hope loved both and they were more than she could stand.

"You don't eat licorice either? Damn communists. What's the matter with you and Sam?"

She lost it laughing. "Let it go, Dean," she managed.

He pointed out which room was Sam's before muttering under his breath as he walked toward the machine and she chuckled under her breath. She wished she could tell him about Hope. The kid loved licorice, too. It was so odd. Of course, she also liked a myriad of things Ryan couldn't stand, so maybe it was just the kid's taste and not the fact Dean loved it.

She sucked in a breath and knocked on Sam's door and called, "It's Ryan," quietly.

He opened the door in surprise. "Did he piss you off that quick?"

She laughed again. "No, not at all. We wanted dinner. I took the liberty of ordering you something, I hope that was okay."

He winced slightly and she smiled as he let her in. "I got you a Cobb salad. It was the closest thing to something healthy on the menu."

He blinked in surprise. "How did you know I don't eat like Dean?"

_Shit._ She hadn't thought about that. "Last year," she said softly. "We had a meal before the Rawhead…" It was true. Though, he'd had a club sandwich and chips, but, still, she knew he preferred salads to burgers.

"Ah, okay."

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment before he blurted out, "Did I do or say something to you?"

It was her turn to blink in surprise. "I'm sorry?"

"Last year."

"Oh." She bit her lip in thought. He seemed so sad and sweet with those damned puppy dog eyes. "No."

"Liar," he mused with a half a smile.

She smiled too. Apparently Dean wasn't the only Winchester that could read her like a book. "Yeah, well, it's fine. Dean said you weren't yourself, I believe him."

"You believe everything Dean tells you?"

Her eyebrow shot up. "What kind of dunce do you take me for? The man's one of the best con artists I know. But I can tell _when_ he'slying, so, if he says you weren't yourself, I believe him."

He looked at her another moment before he nodded. "Okay." He turned back to the small table that was littered with papers and his laptop. "Here's what I found."

She looked over his shoulder as he began pointing out abandoned buildings around the town.

"I'm leaning toward this end of town, simply because of the attack patterns," he said as he zoomed in on an area.

She shook her head. "Nah, I think it would be over this way some," she countered as she leaned over his shoulder to move the mouse. "If I were a vamp, this is where I'd hole up."

"Hmmm," he mused as he zoomed in on another area. "You might be right…"

She heard a noise behind her and glanced over in time to see Dean walk in. He tossed her a bag of candy and she caught it deftly. She glanced down at the candy in her hand and her brows knit. _Skittles? _She felt tears welling up in her eyes. _He remembered_. How the hell did he remember this one small thing about her when they'd only been together twice? She knew he wasn't that thoughtful…or was he? Why would he remember that? "You remembered."

He shrugged as hesat on the edge of the bed. "Well, yeah. You do still like Skittles, don't you?"

She looked at him, blinking back the tears, because, man, would that be hard to explain? She was crying over _candy _and smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"Still separate them to eat them?" he teased.

She chuckled at that and plopped in the chair next to Sam before she ripped the bag open, up-ending it onto the table. "Damn right I do," she muttered as she began separating them.

She was concentrating on the candies before her but she heard Dean laugh. "Don't ask, Sammy. She's…finicky."

"Ain't done it," she muttered as she finished her task and tossed a purple one at him. He maneuvered so he could catch it in his mouth and she giggled. "I didn't know you were a circus freak, Dean."

"Ha, ha, ha," he deadpanned. "So, we gonna talk strategy, or are you going to feed me food like I'm some kind of sheik or something?"

She rolled her eyes. "As if your already inflated ego needs a boost."

"You can't inflate what is known to be…big," he told her.

She shot him a look before she turned to Sam. "As I was saying…the reason why I think they might be holed up away from where you think is the last vampire hunt I went on."

"Who did you hunt with?"

"Kid named Garth. He's new. Apparently he was a dentist? I don't know his back story. Anyway, we went for a salt and burn, stayed for a rogue vampire." She rolled her eyes.

"I've met him," Dean said flatly. "What happened?"

"Bobby called, asked for a favor, said the kid needed some help. I went with him for a simple salt and burn, got a concussion. He felt bad about it, made me stay with him while it healed some. We were getting ready to leave the town when we got wind of a nomad vamp." She sighed. "I should have just left while the getting was good, but I couldn't help myself. I stayed and helped him out."

"And what's your impression of Garth Fitzgerald IV?"

She paused. She really did like Garth. He was really sweet. But damn it, some days he seemed so fucking incompetent. "Bobby's working with him, but he's so new, you can practically smell the factory sealant on him. He's adorable, he really is, but he's got a lot to learn."

"Did you get the vamp?"

She nodded. "Of course I did." she smiled. "Garth, bless his heart, got knocked out. Luckily, he was only out a few minutes. I had to chase the vamp down, take a running leap, and tackled it, chopping off its head. Let me tell you, I was some kind of beat up when I went back home. Looked like I had a run in with a Mack Truck. You should have seen me explaining my bruises…"

"To who?" Sam inquired.

It was Hope she had to tell, but of course, Hope knew her mom's line of work was dangerous. It was Mrs. Fuentes, the nosy neighbor, who wouldn't shrug off Ryan's injuries, but she shrugged. "My employer."

"Oh, yeah, what is it you do?"

"I work in bookkeeping." It was true. It was hella boring, but it paid the bills.

"Putting that MBA to good use?"

She stuck her tongue out at Dean. "It's decent money and it's normal and stable. It supports my adrenaline habit…" _and our daughter, _she added silently. She didn't succumb to the desire to have Hope in private school, but she almost did. The only thing that held her back was the private school near where they lived was run by a bunch of douchebags and she would be damned if they would teach her daughter the fine art of douchebaggery. Besides, Andy worked at the public school now, and that made her feel better, knowing a demon specialist was within Hope's grasp every day.

They switched gears then and talked about their current case, pausing only when the food was delivered and she refused to let them pay for it. When Dean started to argue with her, her eyebrow shot up. "This ain't a date, Dean. If it was, your ass would be taking me out for a damned rib eye steak at a restaurant I have to wear a dress to. Capice?"

He nodded.

"So…" Sam began. He had a few more ideas of where the nest could be and they decided to hit it in the morning after first light since the vamps were a bit more sensitive in the daytime. She smiled at Sam as he continued talking. She had wanted to find out if he was a decent guy. What she found was more than she'd hoped. He was so very sweet, and loved his brother more than she thought possible, she could see it shining in his eyes as he talked to Dean, going over what they found.

She watched the two of them discussing the case, bouncing ideas off one another, and she loved the sense of partnership the two had. It didn't make her jealous, no, she would never take _this _away from Dean, but it made her sad that circumstances didn't let the boys see what she saw in regards to their relationship.

"Ya'll got your machete's sharpened?" Ryan asked, breaking up Sam and Dean's now…fiery discussion about the proper method of breaking into the warehouse the nest was supposedly in as she stole one of Dean's fries.

"Careful," he admonished with narrowed eyes. "You'll draw back a nub."

She leaned over and kept her eyes on his as she bit his finger before stealing another fry.

"Evil wench," he growled.

She giggled and grabbed her last cheese stick, popping it into his mouth.

"Ahhh," he said around the gooey deliciousness. "Nirvana."

She rolled her eyes and swiped some of his milkshake. After all, he _had_ drunk the rest of her soda. She would have to run out to get more later.

"Damn it, woman, why you stealing my food? A man's gotta keep up his energy!"

She glared at him. "One swig of chocolate, Dean. For fuck's sake, you're such a child. I just wanted to try it."

"Well why the fuck didn't you order a chocolate one?"

"Because I wanted to try the peach," she stated simply. "The guy said it was one of their special flavors." Honestly, why was it an issue? She liked a lot of different flavors, she just wanted to taste the chocolate. It was decent, but hers was better. She would have to bring Hope over here sometime. Hope, like her father, loved pie, burgers, and chocolate milkshakes. It always amazed her, the things Hope liked that she didn't, even things Hope had never tried before, she didn't hesitate to give a shot. It was almost as if she knew her daddy liked them, so she wanted to try them.

She felt Dean glare at her for a moment so she couldn't help smiling seductively, evilly, before she lowered her voice and breathed, "Besides, I could eat a peach for _hours._"

He looked at her blankly for a moment before raw lust filled his eyes and she had to hold in her snort of laughter.

She heard Sam clapping from across the table. "Bravo, Ryan. A Plus for the use of the perfect 'Face/Off' quote, and extra bonus points for rendering Dean Winchester speechless."

Ryan smirked and offered Sam a high-five.

Dean's eyes narrowed and she heard Sam trying to hold in a snort of laughter. She smirked as Dean cut his eyes his brother's way. "Something funny, little brother?"

Sam just grinned and shook his head.

Ryan got up and walked to the wall where Sam had taped up a map of the area along with pen marks of the most likely locations for the nest. "How many vamps you think are there?" she wondered aloud.

"Well," Sam began, "Usually there aren't many in a nest, though, we have seen an increase…"

"But that was last year," Dean threw out. "That was before the alpha was taken and then escaped."

"Alpha?" she asked as she sank back into the chair. She had read about the Alphas. They scared her, the thoughts of these super powerful creatures being out in the world, it freaked her out.

Sam nodded. "Every creature has a…a father, a first-born of the evil, from Eve, who was the creator of vampires, werewolves, monsters in general. The alphas are the first ones."

"And they're still alive?" She thought they managed to kill all the alphas. At least, all the alphas they could find. She had been more than a little surprised when she found out about their grandfather's dealings, surprised, too, when she realized Mark Campbell had been a part of it. He'd seemed so nice, but, she guessed a grandfather's influence on you could make you do some weird things. In a way, she was glad she didn't have any family left, besides Hope.

Sam shrugged. "Stranger things have happened."

Ryan let out a snort. "Too true."

Dean faked a yawn and stretched. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get my four hours in."

Ryan's eyebrow rose. He could play coy all he wanted, but she wasn't going to give in to him quite that quickly. _Time to have a little fun…_ "Dean, it's like, eight o'clock. I'd say we have a while before first light."

He leaned into her and whispered, "Yeah, but I'm not done having my wicked way with you yet."

She leaned back, gave him a mischievous smirk, and stood. _Got to give the man credit for being direct. Screw playing hard to get. _"Goodnight, Sam."

Sam grinned at her. Ryan knew he knew what was going to go down again. At least he was accepting enough of their…dalliances. "Goodnight, Ryan."

She walked out the door with the smirk still on her face. _Oh, maybe I'll play a few games with him first. This should be fun._

She walked into her room and dug through her duffle until she came out with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It was her favorite of all seven of the books and despite her dirty dealings with witches in the past, she appreciated J. K. Rowling's writing style.

She plunked herself down on the couch with the book, turned on the TV, and waited.

It only took a few moments before Dean came back in. She held in a smile as he stopped in the doorway. She could feel his eyes on her and she had to bite the inside of her cheek not to laugh as he huffed. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

She shrugged as she basically ignored him and continued reading as she spoke; "You're tired. So I just figured I would read a little while…"

He plopped next to her on the sofa and instead of asking her, moved her hand slightly to see what she was reading. "Harry Potter? Really? Don't we get enough of witches as it is?"

She grinned. She wanted Hope to like reading them, especially since Hope enjoyed the movies, but thus far, Hope was not much of a reader, so little so, in fact, that she was in a special reading program. She was a brilliant student, but she was lazy, and if Ryan didn't stay on her, she would never improve. "I like the stories. If witches acted like this, I wouldn't care so much."

"At least you're not reading those shitty vampire books."

She refused to feel guilty as she just looked at him. She loved reading, so, when they became national best sellers, she had given them a go. They were crap, but no more than any of the other shit she read. She would honestly read anything with words on it. He sighed. "No, God, don't tell me you've read them."

She rolled her eyes. "They aren't quite that bad." It was true. Granted, she would have given the heroine more of a spine, and there should have been more action as well as gore, but overall, definitely not the worst thing she had read.

"I thought you had decent taste."

She just shrugged again. She was enjoying ignoring him and she could tell he was getting irritated.

"Why do you want to read about that kind of stuff anyway? We live it."

She looked at him and smirked. Now _that _was an interesting question. She had gotten together with Tory and Andrea and they had discussed this very topic, sitting around, drinking wine. She felt a pang as she remembered the lively discussions she'd had with Jo and Ellen when she had stopped in at Harvelle's Roadhouse a few times. Those were two wonderful ladies. It had killed her when they both perished. It was just one more instance she'd hated the fact she hadn't been there to help the boys out.

She returned back to the man sitting next to her. "I like to pick them apart. Me and a few other female hunters have decided we should write our own books where the heroine makes the monster think she fell in love with him then rip his heart out and kill him."

"It would sell millions," he mused.

She nodded. "I know. Now, to just find one of us that can write worth a damn…"

She went back to her book and noticed he turned his attention to the TV. _Let's up the ante..._ She shifted slightly so she was resting against him. It was…comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, she briefly wished they could do this every night. He would make fun of the book she was reading, she would call him illiterate, he'd pull the book out of her arms and they'd make out on the couch, or more, until they snuck up the stairs, mindful not to wake up their daughter. The overwhelming sadness almost made her gasp as she realized it would never be. But for a moment, she could pretend.

She was so engrossed in where her thoughts had taken her, she almost let out a squeal as he grabbed her legs, turning her to put her feet in his lap. Her gaze cut to him, but he was still looking at the television. He then slowly and deliberately tossed her boots to the floor and started massaging her feet and her eyes rolled back in her head. But she was determined not to let him know how much she was enjoying it.

It was gentle at first, just rubbing her feet, popping her toes and the bones in her feet, making them feel like they were in heaven. But then, he got serious. He started moving his hands up her calves, kneading her muscles, relieving the tension in them before he moved to her thighs, and then, finally, she couldn't help herself and let out a moan before she tossed her book to the floor.

He pulled her legs until she was lying on the sofa under him. She looked up at him and smiled. _Game, set, match. _Had she won? Or had he? And really…did it matter? "You know, if you wanted to fuck me, all you had to do was ask."

He nuzzled her neck as his hands began roaming over her chest, squeezing, pinching, eliciting whimpers of pleasure from her. He was the sexiest fucking thing on the planet, and for tonight, he was hers.

"I'm not asking," he purred into her neck. "I'm telling."

She grinned. "I like Dominating Dean," she whispered. "He's sexy."

"Is that so? And what other Deans do you like?"

She shoved him away so he was sitting once more and she straddled his waist as her hands fisted in his short hair. "Every Dean. Every single one."

He pulled her tee shirt off, dragging her flannel shirt with it revealing the fact she was braless underneath. "You know, you wear too many clothes."

She giggled. "I'm not the only one, Winchester," she admonished gently as she, too, divested him of his shirts.

"Guess we need to remedy that."

She shook her head and slithered down him to unfasten his pants. She had been dying to try this since she read "Tickle His Pickle" Tory had lent her. She had learned quite a bit about fellatio and she was eager to see if she was any good at it. She looked up at him with hooded eyes. "Do you like it when a woman goes down on you, Dean?"

He nodded. "But, uh, you don't have to…"

She smirked and kissed his stomach. She had butterflies, but she had to do this, she _wanted _to do this. "Dean, just because I don't have the physical experience, doesn't mean I don't grasp the practical application. I'm a reader."

"They have books on this subject?" he squeaked as she tugged his pants down, freeing him.

She licked her lips predatorily and nodded. "Oh, yes. And I'm a quick learner."

She flicked her tongue out to taste him and smiled. He had a sweet, salty taste, one she believed she could really learn to like. Her eyes went to his and she watched them roll back in his head as she began her torture.

Hours later, she woke hungry. She had lost count of how many orgasms Dean had given her through the evening and night and she was, understandably, a bit sore. She remembered the vending machine outside and smiled as she slid on some jeans over her undies and his tee shirt. It smelled like him and made her half horny again. She had contemplated some candy and a nice, warm bath but maybe she needed to ask him to join her. She'd love to see him in a bathtub. _Hmmm…scrub a dub dub me, baby, _she thought with a smirk and fervently wished this hole in the wall had hot tub rooms. The things she could do to him in a hot tub…

She shivered at the thought before she slipped into her heels, (they were easier to put on than her boots) pocketed one of her knives, grabbed her little clutch wallet in one hand, picked up her machete just in case, and with a backward glance at the gorgeous man sleeping in her bed, quickly ducked outside.

It was quiet, so very quiet as she made her way across the parking lot. She stopped and smiled as she reflected on her life. It wasn't what she expected, but it was pretty damn good. She couldn't wait to finish this job and get home to Hope, but at the same time, she was reveling in being _her _for a few days. Being a mommy was exhausting and anyone that said it wasn't was a giant-ass liar.

She perused the selection of candy. She wished they had chocolate. She wasn't sure why, but she needed chocolate after sex. Of course, she didn't need chocolate often, since, hey, no sex, but when she was with Dean, her need for it increased exponentially. However, since they didn't have any candy, maybe Mint Chocolate Chip flavored gum would work.

She made her selection and was digging through her coin pouch when she heard something. Her head was up like a shot and she dropped the wallet as she firmly grasped her machete with both hands. Five vampires, two female, three male, encircled her. Her eyes narrowed. It wasn't great odds, but she'd had worse. "Lookee here, a little hunter for us to snack on."

"She's pretty," one of the 'girls' said. "I bet Monroe would like her."

"You think? Nah, we should just kill her."

"You know Billy done got in trouble for killing without asking first. We'd better take her to the nest," another seethed.

She smirked. "You'll have to catch me, first." She took off running, confusing them. Two ran after her. She chuckled before she stopped, and turned, slicing one of the vamp's heads off. She cackled as the adrenaline pumped through her. "Yeah. Come on, who's next?" She kicked off her heels and ran across the parking lot, divesting another of its head before she ran back toward her motel room door. If she could just get to Dean or Sam…she sliced another's head off and changed directions as one moved in front of her car. _Damn it! _she growled to herself.

She ran back to the vending machine and felt the machete being ripped from her hand. She snatched her knife out of her pocket and was eyeing the girl in front of her when she felt herself being grabbed and dragged.

She stabbed blindly and felt the knife connect with something and heard the vamp growl in pain, but it didn't lessen its hold. That was when she felt them…the teeth on her neck. "Come along, little hunter, don't make this more difficult than it has to be…"

That was when she screamed.

She felt the blow to her head and then…nothing.

She awoke in a small, dingy room, lying on the floor. A quick glance around showed her she was alone. There wasn't a lot in the room, save for an old metal table. She quickly scrambled over to it and gently turned it on its side. It had metal legs, too, and she noticed on of the legs was bent funny. If she could just continue bending it enough to snap the metal, she'd have at least something a little sharp to work with…

She worked diligently and managed to break off the leg, leaving a nice, sharp edge. It was crude, but it would work. She quickly began sharpening it as best she could on the concrete floor. It wasn't long before she heard noises outside and heard the door opening.

She quickly made herself as small as she could behind the door. The one that kidnapped her came in and she beheaded him with one swift motion. His body had barely hit the floor before she ran out the door.

She tiptoed along the silent corridor until she made it to a large open area. "Tut, tut, tut, you aren't leaving the party so soon, are you?" she heard.

She swallowed hard and turned. Somehow, she had found herself surrounded by what looked to be a million ravenous vampires, but was, probably in reality, no more than fifteen. "Uh, hi, guys. So…you want a snack I guess?" she offered weakly as she tried to back up. Strong hands grabbed her from behind and shoved her to the floor. Now that the adrenaline was leaving, she realized her whole body ached.

One of them, a small, pale man approached her. "My, my, my, such bravery from such an insignificant little huntress. Aren't you too precious?"

Her eyebrow shot up. "Okay, I know I'm kinda puny, but come on, you don't want me, do you? I mean, I know ya'll have lots of other people you could eat…"

The pale vampire's smile was cold and his teeth were on proud display as he approached her. He snapped his fingers, and they descended.

She screamed as she felt teeth on her arms, her legs, tearing her flesh, ripping into her. She didn't know how much blood she lost before finally, she heard, "Enough!"

The feeding frenzy stopped and they all moved away as the pale one moved closer to her. She was weak, so very weak. He knelt in front of her and he swirled his finger inside one of her wounds. She cried out in pain as his fingernail dug into her torn flesh.

He brought his finger, now covered in her blood, to her lips and licked it. "My, you are delicious. If it were not for the fact I had a century under my belt, I wouldn't be able to stand not having you to eat." He smiled. "But no, I have big plans for you. You, my little hunter, are going to be turned."

She gasped as the man bit his own wrist. "No! No!" she screamed as she began attempting to scurry away from him.

"Hold her," he commanded.

Two more male vampires grasped her and held her as the pale one moved closer and swiped his wrist against her mouth. She tried not to take any in and he cackled as he punched her in the stomach, forcing her to gasp and open her mouth. He then began touching his wrist to each and every one of her bite marks. "Oh, yes, you will make such a lovely queen for me. We will go and destroy every hunter that exists!"

He turned from her and the other two dragged her back to the room she had awoken in. They tossed her to the floor and without another word, walked out. She could hear a key turning in the lock as the door was shut and she curled up in a ball and sobbed.

She must have slept or passed out from blood loss, because the next thing she knew, she could see light coming in from the crack at the bottom of the door and she heard a scuffling on the other side of the metal. That was when she heard Dean and her heart leapt.

"Damn it. How many of these fuckers are there?"

"T-twenty-three," she managed weakly. Even being half out of it, she had listened to the creatures and counted all the ones she saw. It was one of the minions that made an offhand comment about how were they supposed to feed twenty four mouths now, though, that let her know exactly how many of them there really were.

She saw them rush into the room and Dean dropped down beside her. "God, Ryan, are you okay?"

"N-no," she began feebly. She could hear their heart beats, could smell the salt of their sweat, could smell the sweet, briny tang of their blood just under their skin and she moaned.

Dean helped her to a sitting position and looked at her. "Sam…" he began. His close proximity called the vampire in her out to play and she attacked. "Damn it!" he cried as they both went down.

She felt Sam grab her and hold her arms behind her back as she snarled, teeth descended. _Blood. I need it. I need him. God, help me! _

"Fuck," Dean muttered as he looked at her. "Just what we need. You got a plan?"

"Me?" Sam managed as she struggled in his grip. "You're asking _me_ if I have a plan?"

She wanted to turn in his arms and attack him, to drink him in, to feed off Sam's life, but he held her too tightly, flush against his body. Part of her, the human part, was afraid of him, his size, pressed against her. It remembered what he'd said, what he did, back last year when he was soulless. The other human part of her, the one that was turning vampiric, imagined doing other things with him, and the scared human was ashamed.

"Ryan," Dean asked softly, "Ryan, baby, come on, you gotta tell me which one did this to you, okay?"

She was about half wild and he grasped her face as she snarled again. Yes, she would like to have them both. She could tie them up and eat them both after she'd had her way with them. They would die happily. She would feast and fuck for days off of them!

"Ryan! Damn it, listen to me!"

She felt her human side floating to the surface. "Kill me!" she screamed. "Do it! Before I hurt you!"

He gripped her shoulders, higher than where Sam was holding her. It didn't hurt, but it did bring her into focus. "Ryan, we can fix this!"

"Dude, she's way more crazed than you were at this stage of the transformation. Why do you think that is?" Sam wondered aloud.

Suddenly, every bit of vampire was gone from her and her eyes widened in awareness. "Dean, wait, before you kill me, I gotta tell you something…" He had to know about Hope. She had to at least get a message to Bobby…he could figure out how to tell Dean he was a father…

"Shut the fuck up, Ryan. Which bloodsucker did this?"

She wanted to tell him, wanted him to listen, but she was scared, terrified of what he would say. "Th-the pale one, albino looking dude. Dean…" the vampire roared back to the surface, causing her to snarl again and lurch in Sam's arms.

"You didn't feed, did you, Ryan?"

She felt a slap to her face and it calmed her even as her vampire side roared with longing and she moaned, "God, you smell so good…your blood is so loud…" She would bathe in his blood today, right here. It would be the most glorious event in the history of forever. She would drain him, just a bit, fuck him senseless, and then, just as he was orgasming, she would kill him. She would be kind and not let Sam watch. Then it would be Sam's turn…

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I remember that. It's a bitch, too."

She blinked as her human side came back. "What?"

Dean shook his head. "Never mind. I'll explain later. Did you drink human blood? Damn it, Ryan, it's important!"

Why was that important? Wasn't he going to kill her? "No! No! I need it, Dean. Kill me before it's too late. But you need to go to my room…look in my bag. I have to tell you…" _You have to know about Hope…_

"Shut up," he commanded again. "I'll fix you and save your ass again, Ryan."

She smirked. Y_ou just think you'll fix me. Don't worry, I'll fix you, honeybun. Just let me get loose and I'll have you begging for death. _

Dean sucked in a breath. "Sorry, sweetheart, this is for your own good," he muttered before she felt his fist connect with her face and then nothing more.

She came to just as Dean was squirting something into cup. She felt like shit. She tried to move, but realized she was bound with chains. She shook her head and took in a deep breath as he muttered, "Okay, one Campbell cure-all for the lady, and for the gent, a bottle of the cheapest ass whiskey I could find."

She blinked and looked at him. She couldn't…she didn't know what was going on. Her head was still reeling from everything that had happened and she was more than a little confused. "Wh-what? Dean…what are you doing?" _Why did he bring me back to the motel? Isn't he just going to go ahead and chop my head off anyway?_ That was when another thought occurred to her. _Gabriel! Gabe! I need you, buddy! Where are you? _Surprisingly, Gabriel's voice didn't respond and she felt the panic returning. Was this how it was going to go down? Dean would kill her, no doubt. She would want him to if Gabriel couldn't fix her. And obviously, the angel was incommunicado, so…what did that mean?

Dean unlocked the padlock and removed the iron chains from around her waist and arms, then proceeded to hand her the cup. "Drink it."

She eyed it warily but took it in her hands. "Why?"

He smirked. "Because I'm saving your ass again, babe. Didn't you get the memo?"

She blinked yet again. Why couldn't she think? She tried to remember if she'd fallen and hit her head. Or maybe that was just the vampire 'virus' or whatever working its way through her blood? "I'm confused."

"Drink."

She did as commanded and up-ended the mug, downing it in one. It tasted like ass. It was horrible. "What are you talking about? There is a cure for vampirism…?" That was all she managed and he held the trash can under her mouth as she began to vomit.

"Shhh," he muttered, holding back her hair as she started yacking her guts out. Oh, it was terrible. Much worse than morning sickness, and she should know. The first six months of her pregnancy she had thrown up at least once a day and had lost almost fifteen pounds before she finally started gaining weight.

"It'll all be over soon," Dean soothed as he ran a hand down her back. He started whispering to her and she didn't catch everything he was saying, but it felt good, him being there. She briefly wished he could have been there for her during the morning sickness. She could only imagine how sweet and loving he would have been.

It felt like an eternity later when she finally stopped throwing up and curled into the fetal position on the floor of the bathroom, where they had moved sometime after she filled the trash can. How was it possible to even _have _anything in her stomach? She was terrified the cure would kill her before it made her well.

"Come on," Dean muttered as he scooped her up and gently sat her on the chair. She watched as he grabbed some clothes off the table. "Come on, raise your arms, sweetcheeks. Let me change your shirt."

It took a concentrated effort for her to do as he directed. He slid her out of his dirty tee and into a clean one and she smiled despite herself. It was her Tinkerbelle shirt and it made her think of her Hopey. That had been the theme of the kid's birthday party just a few weeks ago.

Dean then helped her stand and helped her into clean underwear and a pair of yoga pants. She was starting to sway on her feet and he murmured "I got 'cha," as he bent to pick her up again, this time, taking her to lay on the bed. She saw a bottle of Gatorade and some crackers, too, and smiled, despite the pain in her stomach and the bone-weariness she felt. She saw him then flip out his phone and text someone, whom she assumed was Sam.

"Wh-what the hell was that?" she managed.

He chuckled. "Apparently our family on our mother's side was all hunters. This was my great-something-or-other-grandfather's recipe. As long as you haven't fed from a human, we can turn you back into one. No vampy side-effects."

Now she remembered…she had read about it in The Gospels. Dean had taken it. Clearly she must have hit her head at some point of her capture, or maybe it was when they'd knocked her out in the first place. She just didn't think she would ever be the one to have to undergo the treatment. "I don't believe it," she murmured.

He shrugged. "It's true. I'm not only an advertisement, I'm also a user."

"You tried it, too?" She, of course, knew he had, but she had to make it convincing. Apparently she was going to live, so Hope's existence was to still remain a secret. She wasn't quite sure how she felt about that.

He nodded. "Unfortunately we had an issue a while back and I was turned. I killed every one of those fuckers in that den and then I was turned back."

"G-good to know," she whispered as she started shivering. Well, that was new…

"Ah, yeah, side effects may include sweating, fever, chills, delusions, relapsed memories, guilt and anger."

She smiled slightly despite her stomach feeling like it was a rolling sea and feeling like she would never be warm again. "Well then, if that's all…" she blinked, yawned, and looked at the door just as Sam walked in.

"Hey, Ryan," Sam said softly with a smile. "You still living?"

She nodded tiredly. "Apparently still human, too, thanks to you guys."

"And soon you'll be topped off," Dean said as he slipped off his flannel shirt and sat next to her on the bed.

She was beginning to wonder if she had another concussion because his words weren't making a hell of a lot of sense. At her furrowed brows, Dean added, "You're running about a quart low. I'm O Negative. You don't have a problem with me giving you blood, do you? I swear, I'm clean. Well, no diseases anyway…"

At his sheepish expression, she laid a hand on his. "I trust you with every part of me, Dean. You know that. I always have."

Their eyes met and she wished with every fiber of her being she could tell him the truth. He was so caring, so compassionate, even after all the shit he had been through, all the tortures, being in Hell, losing his family in almost every conceivable way, yet, he was still such a wonderful man. Oh, how she wished she could tell him all of that. _I love you. I trust you. I want you to stay…_she knew he would leave. Maybe not right this second, but he was going to leave her and the pain of it was already starting to tear at her still sensitive stomach.

He tore his gaze away from hers and looked at Sam. "You good to go, Sammy?"

Sam held up a needle attached to some tubing. "Yep. Let's get you transfused."

She watched as Sam stuck Dean first, kinking off the tubing with a pair of hemostats. He then moved over to Ryan's arm and repeated the gesture. Ryan looked at him working with something akin to awe. She would never have imagined either of the men knowing how to do this. "I wouldn't even know where to start," she muttered as Dean's blood began pumping into her.

"What happened, Ryan?" Sam inquired. "We found your purse and a pool of blood…it wasn't your blood, was it?"

She shook her head and told them about her capture. She shivered when she finished. "Anyway, so, that's it."

"The bite marks…" Dean started. "They…they didn't…he didn't do anything else, did he?"

She bit her lip and shook her head softly. It was kind of him to worry about that. Truthfully, had she thought of it, she probably would have freaked out even worse than she had. "No. He was more interested in changing me than anything else."

"Good."

"You both okay?" Sam asked softly a few minutes later as he pulled the needle out of Dean's arm and kinked the line.

She was exhausted from the cure and losing sleep. A glance at Dean showed he wasn't looking too hot and she hoped they hadn't given away too much of his blood.

He sat a little straighter and nodded at Sam. "Yeah, man, I'm fine."

"Me too," Ryan said softly.

Sam quickly finished getting the needles out of their arms and bandaged them up. He then checked the various bandages all over her arms and legs covering the bite marks. He must have deemed them okay, because he stood and, seeming to sense they needed a few minutes, bent down to give Ryan a hug. "You'll be good to go now, Ryan. Take care, okay?"

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Sam, really." She watched his little brother leave, and knew Dean would be right behind him.

Dean leaned forward a little to look at her. "He's right, you know. You'll be alright."

Her thoughts were running a million miles a minute. Finally, she asked softly, "Really? It's done? Over? I'll be fine?" She was starting to feel hot now and threw the covers off of her body.

He nodded again. "As fine as you ever were."

She snorted at that. "Gee, thanks."

He cleared his throat. "So, uh, I'm not so good at this whole Florence Nightingale thing…"

She didn't bother to nod as he dropped the ax. She knew he wouldn't be able to stay. Hadn't she just admitted that to herself? He had things to take care of, she had a life to get back to. It was fine. Wasn't it? "You gotta take off, right?" she finished for him.

"You will be okay," he wasn't asking, he was telling her.

She nodded. "I always am," she answered truthfully.

He kissed her forehead. "Good. I'm glad. Take care of yourself."

"I will," she said thickly, willing the tears away. Now that the end was here, she didn't want him to leave her. She wanted so many things for him, for the both of them. "Thank you, Dean. You don't know what saving me this time means." He never could realize what this meant, how she could go back to Hope without worry that she would become a monster…

He smiled and then walked out of her life one more time. She took in a deep breath and decided she needed a pity party for just a few more minutes, and sobbed.

* * *

**AN2: Dude, I got all depressed at the end and almost forgot to put in my review for the season 10 premier!**

**Okay, so, as of today, I've watched it four times. I would have watched it more but I didn't have time yesterday or today yet. This is my first live premier. I sat down about five minutes late because I could NOT get the kids to bed! Like, seriously! Gah! Luckily, I DVR. My heart was racing. I felt nauseated. I was jittery and nervous as fuck. And it. Was. EPIC. I know a lot of people have issues with it, but me? Nah, I'm good. I LOVED IT. I can't wait for Tuesday. Where to begin? From Demon!Dean doing Karaoke to Crowley being an utter asshole to Sam to Cas and his failing grace to Sam getting kidnapped by Cole! Ack! I really liked Ann Marie, but she's so much like Jo it bugs the hell out of me. She's what JO should have been. I will ALWAYS ship Dean/Jo. Don't hate me for it. Anyway, I like her though. She's perfect for Dean...as he was. Demon!Dean is going to fuck and run and damn, how cold was he when he said those things to her?! Of course, the sad thing is it made my heart hurt for HIM even more. It's only because it's Dean. Anyone else, I would have wanted her to punh him in the nuts (she should have, on principal. Dean could use a hit to the nads, but I digress) anyway, the hurt on his face, like, he realized he said it, but it was out there. Gah. Just shoot me already. It will hurt less. Then the end? When he said what he did to Cole about Sam? Another heart-wrenching moment! So many feels! And it's only gotten worse on the replays. Yikes! I can't wait for Tuesday. I do have to say, Crowley has NO idea what he's doing. He's trying to hard and he's going to fail spectaularly. **

**Anywho, that's it for this week! See you next time! And if you feel froggy, leave me a review, yeah? I've got all reviews turned onso you don't have to login. Love ya, bunches! **


	14. Lightening Crashes

**DISCLAIMER: Nope. Don't own it. Wish I did. Especially after these two awesome episodes of season 10!**

**AN: Thanks to Emy who is always there with a kind word and a review! Also, super special thanks to my two prereaders! Love ya, Gus and G! **

**WARNING: Trigger warning for violence against women. It doesn't get graphic, but I felt the need to put the warning up here. It happens on July 3rd, so be aware. :)**

* * *

**February Twenty-Eighth **

Ryan sucked in a breath as she looked at the pregnancy test again. She'd looked at the damn thing fifty million times since she'd taken it this morning and it had given her the little blue plus sign. _Shit, _she thought. _I'm fucked three ways from Sunday with this. _She honestly hadn't thought about getting pregnant when she and Dean were together. It hadn't even crossed her mind that it could happen that quickly. She knew, looking back, it hadn't been the right time in her cycle. There was no way she should have been able to get knocked up that night before the vampire attack, yet, somehow, she'd done that very thing, and now look at her.

She licked her lips nervously as she tossed it in the trash and walked out of her bedroom and down the hall. She had to tell Hope. This wasn't going to be easy and she didn't know what to do. "Hopey?"

Hope looked up from her homework at the kitchen table. "Yes, Mommy?"

Ryan swallowed the nausea gnawing at her stomach. "Uh, I need to talk to you, okay?"

Hope smiled. "Sure. Can I take a break from my homework?"

Ryan nodded. "Absolutely, pumpkin. Wanna get a drink and have a seat in the living room on the couch?"

Hope jumped up, went and grabbed a juice pouch from the refrigerator, then proceeded to flop onto the couch. "What's going on, Mom?" the girl asked after she punched the little straw into the packet with determination.

Ryan bit her lip as she walked into the living room and perched on the end of the sofa. Hope quickly moved to snuggle closer, she usually did.

Ryan was speechless for a moment. She honestly hadn't anticipated having this conversation, not now, not ever, actually, but then certain events took place three months ago and well, now…

Hope's big, doe eyes looked up at her. "Mommy? Are you okay?"

Ryan hugged her tightly to her. "Yeah, hun, I'm fine, why?"

"You haven't felt good lately."

Ryan winced. What she'd felt, was terrible. "You're right. I haven't felt well."

"And you haven't been hunting much."

Ryan shook her head. "No, I haven't. I didn't feel well, and after all the hunting I did in the fall, I didn't want to take time away from you over the holidays and your birthday…" _Then, once I suspected what was going on, I didn't want to risk hunting…_

"And now you're sick. What's wrong, Mommy? Can I make you feel better?"

Ryan hugged her daughter. "Oh, honey, I'm fine, I promise."

The little girl pulled away, sat back and put her feet up and her head resting on her knees. "You're not…you're not dying are you? You don't have the cancer, do you?"

"What?! No, of course not!" Ryan exclaimed in shock. "Where did you hear about cancer?"

"Janie McAlister's aunt has breast cancer. She's having to have her bobbies removed! But they said she will be okay after she gets some kind of medicine that makes her hair fall out. We talked about it in class."

Ryan nodded. "Yes, some people do get cancer, sweetheart, but, no, I'm fine."

"Then what's wrong?"

Ryan opened her mouth when the phone rang. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath. "Hold that thought, sweetie, okay?" She stood and walked over to where her cell phone was plugged in on the kitchen counter. She glanced at the caller I.D. and smiled. Well, she guessed she could kill two birds with one stone on this thing. At least if Hope's little ears were listening, he couldn't yell at her too much, right?

She hit the button and began walking back to the couch. "Bobby, hey, listen, I'm getting ready to tell Hope something, you can listen in…"

"Ryan?"

She stopped. The voice definitely was _not _Bobby Singer. "Who is this?"

"It's Sam. Sam Winchester."

She gasped and grabbed onto the kitchen chair as the room spun. "Sam? What are you doing calling me from Bobby's phone? Is he alright? Is Dean?"

"Dean's fine. I'm on my way to a case. Dean's neck deep in this Leviathan thing. I just…I wanted to call you."

Her brow furrowed. "Okay…"

"Listen, I don't know how close you and Bobby are, but I think he knows you pretty well, so, I just wanted to be the one to call and tell you…"

Her breath caught. "Sam…" No. It couldn't be. Not Bobby. Never Bobby…

"Ryan, I'm sorry, Bobby's dead."

She let out a sob as she sank to the floor. "No, Sam, no."

"I'm afraid so."

"H-How?" she managed as Hope ran over to her and squeezed as close to her as she could.

"It was Dick Roman," his voice stated flatly.

Her brain wasn't computing. What? "The entrepreneur?" she managed.

"Yes. He's Leviathan. He's trying to take over the world."

"You're kidding."

"No. He…the three of us found out he's contaminating the meat at [Big]ersons. I don't know what he's up to, but it's bad, Ryan. You keep your head down, alright? I just…after we met up a few months ago, I just figured you'd want to know. I'm going through Bobby's phone and calling all his contacts, letting them know."

She could barely form words but she managed to eek out, "When?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

"And did you…" she couldn't ask if they'd burned his body. She knew they had, of course they'd given him a proper burial.

"He got a hunter's funeral, yes. Dean and I took care of it."

She swallowed and had to resist the nausea rolling again. Bobby was dead. The only person in the world who knew the truth about Hope. Except Gabe, who went incommunicado. She hadn't heard from him months. She didn't feel any different, but she could only assume he'd bounced. "How are you? How's Dean?"

"Fine."

"Sam…" she warned.

He chuckled. "Yeah, we're not fine. But we're alive. We'll be okay. You okay?"

She thought of the news she was about to spring on Hope, what she had hoped to tell Bobby. Oh, he would have chewed her up and spit her out and probably forced her and Dean together, but now… "I'm fine," she whispered.

"Okay, well, take care of yourself."

"You too, Sam," she whispered as she punched the 'end' button on her phone.

"Mama?"

Ryan pulled her daughter tight to her and sobbed.

* * *

**April Thirteenth,**

Ryan grabbed the phone on its fourth ring. "'Lo?" she panted. She'd misplaced the damn phone again. She was getting more and more forgetful each passing day of this damn pregnancy. Of course, she was still adjusting to the new house, even weeks later.

They'd moved two weeks after Sam called telling her about Bobby's death. She'd made up an excuse to Tory and Andy about her cousin wanting to see her kid, that she was in a dropped down detox facility and surprisingly, they'd bought it with hugs and tears. She'd told them she needed to take time off from hunting. She hadn't lied. She did need to take time off from hunting. She certainly couldn't risk the life of her unborn child.

"Ryan?"

She smiled. "Hey, Garth. What's up?"

"Are you anywhere near Kansas by any chance?"

She glanced down at her now rounding stomach and grimaced. "Nope. Sorry. What's up?"

"Aww, nothing, I guess. I've just got an issue down here."

She listened with half an ear as she got Hope's glass of milk and peanut butter crackers for her bedtime snack. "What kind of issue? Can I help over the phone?"

He blew out a breath. "No. I don't know what's going on. I thought it was a vengeful spirit, so, I Garth'd her, but it must not be her…just had another body show up."

She winced as the baby kicked her in the ribs. She was five months along. She hadn't remembered being able to feel Hope this early on in the pregnancy, but she figured every kid was different. "Sorry, Garth. I'm a little busy at the moment, can't just drop everything."

"No biggie, Ryan. Thanks anyways. You know if Tory is available?"

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her lately, Garth. You got any chips you can call in?"

He paused, thinking. "Yeah, I do. Dean owes me one."

She blinked as her heart rate sped up. "Dean…Winchester?"

"Yeah. I helped him out a few months back when his brother was hooked up with some chick. Something about a love potion."

Ryan rolled her eyes. If it wasn't one of those two getting into trouble, it was the other. She missed Bobby's stories about them almost as much as she missed Bobby. "Okay, well, good, I guess. Talk to you later, Garth."

"Yeah, talk to ya later, Ry's."

She grinned at his nickname for her and hung up the phone.

"Mama? Who was that?" Hope asked as she came to the table for her snack.

"Just a hunting friend, baby."

"We don't see any of our friends anymore."

Ryan rubbed her stomach again. "No, we don't, sugar. I'm sorry."

"I hate it. I wish we could move back to Phoenix! I wish we could go back to how we were! I hate North Carolina! I wish this stupid baby was never being born!" She turned and ran down the hallway and Ryan jumped as Hope's door slammed shut.

Ryan felt the baby kick again and she sighed. "Gabe, I sure wish like hell you were still here. Do you know how hard it is not to have _anyone_?"

Hope had been shocked to learn she was going to have a little brother or sister, which had led to a slew of questions that had then led to the birds and bees talk. Luckily, Ryan gave her an abridged version of sex. At seven, the kid didn't need to know all the dynamics of making a baby. Ryan felt sure she'd have plenty of time to spill those particular beans in the future.

It took some time for Ryan to assure the girl that yes, she would still love her, even after the baby came, and that, also, yes, they had the same daddy, she then had to calm the girl's fears about their daddy loving the new baby more than her. That, naturally, had led to tears on both sides as Ryan reminded her she might never get to meet her daddy, and neither would the baby. It sucked ass, it really did, and Ryan had picked up the phone more than once, bringing up Dean's telephone number, before punching the 'end' button and sitting to sob awhile.

She swallowed hard, then made her way down the hall. She lightly tapped on Hope's door with her finger. "Hope? Can I come in?"

She didn't hear a reply, so she slowly opened the door to find the girl draped dramatically over her bed, sobbing. _Well, give those folks at Disney a round of applause. They sure do know how to teach a kid how to throw a sob fit. _

Ryan walked over and perched on the edge of the bed while rubbing Hope's back gently. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know this isn't fair to you."

"Why can't we tell, Mommy? It's good news when people has a baby. You said so."

Ryan smiled softly as Hope slipped up on the words. Usually, the little girl spoke like a miniature adult, but occasionally, Ryan was reminded of how young her daughter actually was. "It is good news, and I'm not ashamed of this baby, Hope, but it isn't safe. You know I've told you how we have to keep it a secret that you're my daughter, that you're Dean's daughter…well, the same goes for your brother."

Hope turned over then and stared at her mom. "But…Mommy…they were your best friends! Can't you tell them a secret?"

Ryan bit her lip. Gabriel never said she couldn't tell her friends, and truthfully, she knew Tory and Andrea would both be hurt by the fact she had hid this from them, but she had to protect these kids. It was worth more than her own life. She knew that. "Some secrets can be shared, yes, but some have to be kept at all costs, Hope. Bobby knew the truth about you and me and Daddy, but he was the only one. Now, he's gone."

"But…I love Tory and Andy. I miss them."

"I miss them too," Ryan admitted. "It's only for a few months, babe. Once the baby's born, then we can get settled down and then we can hook back up with them again."

"You promise?"

Ryan smiled sadly and opened her arms for a hug, which Hope fell into with another sob. Ryan rubbed the girl's hair and kissed her forehead. "I promise, sugar, we'll get back with them sometime soon." She pulled her daughter away and looked at her. "Besides, won't it be nice to make new friends?"

"I always make friends, Mommy, but you never do. You never have any friends."

Ryan opened her mouth to argue, but the girl was right. She kept everyone at arm's length, had for years, since long before Hope's arrival. Andy and Tory had been the closest she'd let anyone in for a long time, and then, at the first sign of a change on the wind, she'd abandoned them. She knew it was for the best. It had to be. At least for now. "Well, I'll start making more of an effort, how about that, Hopey?"

Hope hugged her again. "Okay, Mommy."

Ryan's arms tightened around her daughter until the little girl squeaked. "Mom!"

Ryan smiled as she continued hugging and rocking the girl. "I'm still hugging you, I'm still hugging you," she sing-songed until they were both in a puddle of giggles.

They both fell back on Hope's bed and Hope snuggled into her mom's side. "I love you, Mommy. Let's always be like this."

"Of course we will, sugar. You'll always be my little angel-face. Don't you forget it."

The girl was silent for a moment before she pondered, "Wonder what the baby's name will be?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. I thought maybe Robert, or Jonathan, or Samuel…" _Something to honor people that Dean loves. _

"No, not the baby's name-name. His nick-name. You call me 'angel-face' so what's his name?"

"You don't like Peanut?" Ryan had been calling him "Peanut" ever since she found out she was pregnant, and it had caught on with Hope.

Hope shook her head. "Nope."

Ryan chuckled. "Well, I'm sure we'll think of something."

"M'kay." The girl yawned.

"Ready for bed?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

"Sure, sweetie. What kind of story?"

"About how you and Daddy fell in love."

Ryan's heart lurched. She knew Dean didn't love her, but that didn't diminish the love she felt for him. So, she put on a smile. "Well, let's see…it goes all the way back to when I was a little girl."

"Like me?"

Ryan chuckled. "Nope, even younger than that. See, Daddy and I knew one another as babies."

"I didn't know that!"

Ryan nodded. "Mmm-hmm, yep. We did. Our mothers were good friends. We played together every day on the playground near our houses."

"But then Daddy's mommy died?"

Ryan paused. "Yes, then Daddy's mommy died."

"A monster killed her."

"A monster did kill her, you're right."

"And Daddy's daddy became a hunter."

"Right. He became a hunter and taught Daddy and Uncle Sam everything he knew…"

Ryan talked until her voice went hoarse and the little girl was slack against her. Ryan stood, kissed the little girl's forehead, made sure her stuffed dog was tucked into her side, then slipped from the room.

She made it to her own room before she broke down and sobbed. _It's not supposed to be this hard. I'm not supposed to care this much. I'm not supposed to love Dean this absolutely…_but she knew it was all a lie. She couldn't love him less if her soul depended on it. She was his, no matter what.

* * *

**June Twentieth **

"No. NO!" Ryan screamed as she finished reading the words. "No, no, no, no, no, no…" she had the phone in her hand before she could think. "Please, God…no…"

The voicemail picked up and she heard his voice. "This is Dean's other, other cell phone. If you've got this message, you know what to do."

"D-Dean? Please…God…Dean, it's Ryan. Please…" The phone fell from her grasp as the sobs enveloped her. Dean and Castiel had killed Dick Roman and vanished. That's where the gospel ended. They vanished. That was it. The end. Poof. "No!" she cried again as she picked the phone up off the floor and called Sam's cell number.

"Hey, this is Sam. Leave a message."

"Sam…it's Ryan. Please. I need to talk to you. It's important." She bit her lip and pushed the "end" button. This…this wasn't happening. Was it?

* * *

**July Third, **

Ryan blew out an exhausted breath. She'd tried every contact she could find and no one knew where Sam was, no one had heard anything about Dean, it was as if both Winchesters had fallen from the face of the earth. She hadn't received any new Gospels, either, so she was floundering. She put on a happy face, though, it was the best she could do. Hope didn't need to know about any of it, and the worry wasn't helping Ryan or her pregnancy anyway.

"Hopey, come on! I need to get to the grocery store before they close if you want me making cupcakes for the Fourth of July party tomorrow!" Why she had agreed to go to the lake when she was big as a barrel, she wasn't sure, but Hope had made friends with the next door neighbor and Kaylee's mother had invited them to the lake for fireworks, and, Ryan, being a sucker for the patented Winchester Pout couldn't say 'no' to Hope's pleading.

"Coming, Mommy!" the little girl cried as she ran past her and out to the car.

Ryan resisted the urge to roll her eyes. The child was a blessing, that much was true, but she was also the slowest person on the planet. Seriously, Hope had her own time frame and you didn't fuck with it.

The little one squirmed and she placed a hand on her stomach. "I know, little guy, she drives me crazy, too, but we love her."

She made her way down the steps slowly, careful of her huge belly and walked to the car. "Hope, did you get the grocery list?"

"Uh…lemme check," Hope stated as she looked in her mom's purse. "Yep! See! I told you I could do it!"

Ryan smiled. "Thanks, sweetheart. Okay, now, you said yellow cake with Mama's special chocolate frosting, right?" Ryan had intended on making a flag cake, or something that looked a bit more festive, but she let the kid choose, and the kid loved chocolate, and, well, Ryan's chocolate icing recipe really was fucking epic.

Hope nodded as she buckled her seatbelt. "Yup, and red sprinkles!"

"Naturally," Ryan stated as she put the car in reverse and backed out of the drive.

The grocery store was only about a ten minute walk, but with her stomach distending more each day, she was having issues with walking too far. Honestly, had she not known the exact day she'd conceived, she would swear she was further along than she was. With Hope, she'd gained a little weight, once she started keeping food down, that is, but with this one, she looked like she swallowed a beach ball or possibly an inflatable pool.

The grocery store was dead, which, considering it was almost ten o'clock at night, didn't surprise Ryan in the least. She had meant to get the cupcake supplies a few days ago, but Hope had come down with strep throat which, thanks to a doctor's visit had caused her to catcha stomach bug, which Ryan had caught and became dehydrated and almost had to be hospitalized, so now that they were on the mend, they were making up for lost time.

Hope skipped eagerly by her mother's side, sticking right with her as Ryan always made her do. Ryan kept a close eye around as they walked into the store, always cautious of her surroundings, now even more so since she was pregnant.

They made quick work of their list. Ryan was eager to get them both back in the car. As they walked out of the store, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she felt a trickle of cold fear run down her spine. She wasn't sure why, she just felt like something was off.

"Mama?" Hope asked uncertainly, no doubt feeling the edge to Ryan's mood.

Ryan took another glance around the empty parking lot. The store was on a fairly busy highway, but at this time of night, there was little traffic. Two of the security lights were out in the lot as well, making the area dark and spooky. "Hurry and get in the car, Hope. Grab Mama's bag…" Ryan always kept a .45 in a secondary bag along with the one in her purse and a spare under the seat to go with the arsenal in the trunk and the gallon of holy water on the back floorboard. She tossed the grocery bags in the back seat when something shoved her to the ground. She felt the skin tear across her temple as she landed.

Hope screamed and Ryan turned over as quickly as she could onto her back to look up…right into the face of a werewolf. She reached for her purse which had fallen to the ground and the thing snarled at her and picked her up by her shirt. "Mmmm…pregnancy hormones taste delicious in your blood," he whispered and she smelled his repulsive breath fan across her face, causing her to gag.

"You're so pretty, little lady. And look, a little girl, too. Innocent hearts taste delicious as well. I can't wait to taste you both…"

"Mama!" she heard Hope cry and Ryan's eyes narrowed as she started punching and kicking.

The werewolf just laughed as he backhanded her, knocking her to the ground again and this time her head bounced off the pavement. She could feel the sticky wetness of blood begin to matte in her hair.

"Oh, a fighter, hmmm? I like that."

He stomped on her left leg, breaking it, and she cried out as the pain shot through her. She began crawling on the ground toward her purse. If she could just reach it…she always kept her guns stocked with silver bullets, just in case, unless she was going to be working a case she knew _wasn't _werewolf in nature. She had the silver knife stowed on her hip, under her maternity top, but she didn't want to use it. It could get too close and either bite her, or claw her, and that thought terrified her to her toes.

"Tut, tut, tut, don't crawl away from me," he sing-songed as he came to her, flipped her, and picked her up by her throat, shoving her against the front quarter panel of her car. He bent her backward over the hood and took a long sniff of her. "My, my, my, I will definitely feast tonight."

"Hey, asswipe!" Ryan heard as she felt the blackness encroaching. "Don't you know it's impolite to play with your food?"

The gunshots rang out, pop, pop, pop, and Ryan collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath, hitting her head again in the process. She looked over to see Hope holding the smoking gun. "Hope!" she cried, crawling over the werewolf's corpse to her daughter.

Hope dropped the gun. "Mama!" She ran and fell sobbing into Ryan's arms.

"My baby, oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" She started checking Hope over for wounds.

"I'm fine, Mommy. Is the baby okay? Are you okay?"

Just then, a horrible pain gripped Ryan's midsection and she cried out as her stomach tightened. _No, no, not now! _"H-Hopey, I…I think I might be going into labor…"

Hope's eyes were wide with horror. "What do we do, Mommy?"

Ryan swallowed back a sob. Oh, how she hated the fact that her daughter was so sad and scared. She hugged her even though the pain was definitely not normal. Something wasn't right at all. "Call 9-1-1. Tell them the man attacked us. Someone came up and shot him and left. Con-convince the cops, o-okay, sweetie?" She felt unconsciousness envelop her again. "Hope…I love you. It'll-It'll all be okay…"

She couldn't fight it even as she heard Hope's screams of terror as the blackness took hold.

When Ryan regained consciousness, she was in the back of an ambulance. "Hope!" she screamed, trying to get up.

"Calm down, Mrs. Young," the EMT said and Ryan smiled despite the pain, fear, and uncertainty coursing through her. Hope was smart…she knew to check her mother's wallet for her fake ID first and adjust her story accordingly. The kid was a natural. "Your little girl is riding in the police car right behind us."

She breathed out a relieved sigh but then groaned loudly as another contraction almost split her in two. "My baby…" she managed as she wrapped the arm not currently sporting an I.V. around her stomach.

"…Seems determined to come. How far along are you?"

"Thirty one and a half weeks…"

The EMT's eyes darkened slightly. "You're sure?"

Ryan nodded and swallowed back a tear. "Y-yes. D-during my husband's leave, b-before he went back to Afghanistan…" It was the lie she had been telling from the start, ever since she started using the fake ID of Ryan Young, a call back to the first alias she'd heard Dean use.

The EMT looked down at her sadly. "Alright, it will be fine. Do you have anyone you can call? Your daughter said you two are all alone."

Ryan nodded. "It-it's just us." She had hated cutting ties with Tory and Andy, but, once the baby was born and she was back to fighting again, she would hook back up with them. She hoped.

"Okay, we'll get you taken care of. Your leg is broken but we can set it. Unfortunately, if the doctors can't stop your contractions, this little one may be coming out early."

"No…" she whimpered as the pain assaulted her again.

Just then, the bus pulled to a stop and she was moved out into the night. "Mama!" she heard and she turned her head in time to see Hope with a grandfatherly looking cop.

"She's in good hands," the man shouted as they rushed her through the doors.

Everything after that passed in a whirl of activity. The baby must have sensed her distress because he was coming right then. She barely had time to prepare before she was wheeled to a delivery room. They hadn't even had time to x-ray her leg. She dilated faster than anyone anticipated, and since both of their vital signs were good, she was allowed to deliver him.

She sobbed as he was taken away for the nurses to look at while she delivered the afterbirth. He was whisked away to the NICU before she had a chance to see him. At four pounds, two ounces, he was tiny but actually large for his gestational age, which the doctors seemed quite pleased with. And the OB/GYN on call who delivered him felt he was quite well developed, also.

She was taken to x-ray for her head, which, naturally, showed a concussion, and of course, for her leg. Luckily her leg had a clean break of her Fibula and only a hairline fracture to her Tibia so it was set without much fanfare. She was put in a cast before she was wheeled up to a private room. "Where is my daughter?" she asked when the nurse came in only a few moments more.

"She's being brought up by Sergeant Steadman."

Ryan dropped her head back against the pillow and winced. She felt like she'd been worked over by Mike Tyson. At least she wasn't missing an ear, too.

"Mommy!" she heard and saw Hope running into the room at full speed, stopping short just at her bed. "Mommy, are you alright?"

Ryan smiled and held her arms out wide for her daughter, not caring how sore she was. She needed one of her babies in her arms. "You've got a little brother, sweetheart," she whispered.

"What's his name?"

Ryan closed one eye and looked at Hope. "I don't know. What do you think?"

Hope thought a moment, then smiled. "Bobby. Just like grandpa."

Ryan sobbed all the harder. Hope had begun calling Bobby her grandfather sometime in the first weeks after his death. "Robert. I like it."

Hope nodded. "Robert Gabriel."

Ryan gasped. "What makes you say Gabriel, Hope?"

The little girl shrugged. "I dunno, it just seems like it fits. Robert Gabriel Winchester," she whispered to her mom.

Ryan swallowed back the fresh batch of tears and nodded. "Done." She turned to the nurse that walked in with the paperwork for the baby's birth certificate. "Robert Gabriel will be his name." She had contemplated naming him "John" or "Jonathan" but had eventually decided against it. This was perfect. Bobby meant something to both sides of this little boy's family, so Hope was right, it was perfect. His birth certificate would end up being forged just like Hope's was, anyway.

Ryan filled out the papers as the nurse busied herself around the room. "When will I get to see him?" Ryan asked tiredly as she handed the clipboard to the woman after she checked her blood pressure and vital signs again.

"In a few hours. He's perfect, Mrs. Young. I saw him in the NICU nursery. He's just a bit small," the nurse soothed with a smile.

Ryan saw her slip something into her IV and before she could object, she felt sleep overtaking her.

"Mommy, I'll be here when you wake up…" was the last thing she heard.

Ryan awoke all at once and gasped as consciousness slammed into her. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath as the pain accosted her.

"Mommy?"

She smiled guiltily over at her daughter, who was coloring on the table pulled over to the recliner. Day was breaking outside. "Hey, munchkin," she said with a smile as she held open her arms for the girl again. "Did you sleep?"

Hope shrugged. "A little. I wasn't sleepy and I wanted to stay away in case another werewolf came. I hid the gun and snuck it in my backpack. I didn't figure you'd be mad…"

Ryan shook her head and held back the tears as the little girl slipped onto the bed with her. She kissed Hope's hair and breathed in the wonderful creature in her arms. "No, you did good, Hopey. You saved me and Bobby. You're a hero."

"Like Daddy?"

Ryan's breath caught. She still hadn't told her Dean had disappeared. There was a time and a place for that. "Exactly like Daddy. He would be so proud if he knew."

The little girl was quiet for a moment before she grinned. "Hey, did you know? Bobby's a firecracker! His birthday is on July Fourth!"

Ryan laughed through the tears that were now cascading down her face. "Well, ain't that something?" She was silent a moment before she added, "I'm sorry I won't get to make you cupcakes for the party, honey." She had tried so hard to be the perfect mother for her daughter and she had failed the child yet again.

Hope turned her head to the side with a knit brow. "Are you kidding? I got a baby brother today! How cool is that? It's way cooler than some dumb old lake party and fireworks! Besides…" She leaned into Ryan a bit more and whispered, "I got to kill a werewolf, Mom! That's like…the coolest!"

Ryan narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Don't think just because you got off a lucky kill shot, it means I'm going to let you hunt anytime soon, Hope."

Hope grinned ruefully. "I know, Mom. But still…how many other people can say that?"

Ryan inclined her head. "Too true. And if your dad were here, he would be so proud of you. You saved me and your little brother, Hope. You are truly a Winchester. You are a hunter, no doubt."

Hope beamed. "You think, one day, I'll get to meet him, Mom?"

She thought a moment. She couldn't tell the kid the truth. Not now. "I think it is very possible you'll get to meet him, Hope, someday. If you ever do, you know how to handle it, right?"

Hope nodded. "Don't let him know who I am, but let him see how awesome I am, let him see me for me, and like it because I'm awesome."

Ryan smiled sadly. She knew Dean would find his way out of wherever the hell he was, that was The Winchester Way, so to speak, but she didn't know if Hope would ever meet her father. Only time would tell with that. "Yeah, exactly that. I'm sorry, sweetie."

Hope shrugged. "It's okay, Mom. You said he can't know because it puts him and us in danger. It will make him less of a hunter if he's worried about us, so he can't know. And it will put us at danger because no one can know who my real father is because they would want to hurt us to hurt him."

Ryan pulled the girl tighter to her, ignoring the pain that radiated through her body. "You're too smart, sweetie. I'm so sorry it has to be this way."

"You said it has to be, right? Gabriel said."

"Yeah, Gabriel said."

"And Gabriel said I'm special 'cuz I've got the grace…" Ryan stayed silent and Hope continued. "Do you think Bobby will be special, too?"

Ryan thought of the baby and punched the button to call the nurse. She needed to see her son. Now. "Well, I don't think he'll have the angel grace, but I'm certain he'll be special in his own way." She wasn't actually certain about that. Gabriel had stayed quiet after she met up with Dean, but she couldn't be one hundred percent certain he didn't bounce after she'd conceived. She guessed she would never know.

A different nurse came in, with a bitchy look on her face at Hope being on her mother's bed. Hope made to scurry off the bed, but Ryan held her fast. She was still a hunter. She was stronger than most women in her situation. "I want to see my son," she stated, though, even to her ears, it sounded like a demand.

The nurse didn't say anything at first before she nodded in a clipped sort of way. "I will get a wheelchair for you, Mrs. Young. We will take you to see him."

Ryan nodded curtly. "You do that."

It seemed as if it took entirely too long for an orderly to arrive with a wheelchair, but finally he arrived. "Sorry, ma'am," the orderly told her after situating her in the chair and hanging her IV bag on the attached pole. He gestured his head toward Hope. "Kids can't come to the NICU."

Hope grinned and held up her coloring book. "I'll wait here."

Ryan shot her a sad look. "Sorry, kiddo. I know coloring isn't your favorite thing."

Hope shrugged. "It is my Littlest Pet Shop Activity Book from my bag. It's cool, Mom. I'll be right here. With you gone, I can watch cartoons on TV."

Ryan laughed lightly. "Well, enjoy yourself."

"Cute kid," muttered the orderly, making small talk as he wheeled her toward the NICU corridor.

Ryan's smile was genuine as she said, "Yeah, I think I'll keep her."

"So, you're all alone?"

Ryan blew out a breath. _If only you knew _how _alone I am._ "Yeah, well, got family coming in when we get home," she told him guardedly. She didn't need anymore attention than she already had.

The orderly nodded. "That's good. And it's lucky you broke your left leg. If your car's an automatic, you can drive in a few days, I guess, depending on what the docs say."

_Like I'm not going to drive my own happy ass home, _she thought. She had driven herself home the day after Hope was born. It would have been nice having some help, but that wasn't in the cards, was it? She'd had to pay the volunteer fifty bucks to look the other way as she'd gotten in the driver's seat of Demon with Hope strapped into the backseat. She felt sure she could do the same thing again this time, as long as she didn't have any pain meds in her system. She wouldn't try that, not with her precious cargo. Maybe she needed to call a cab…she still had to get her car from the grocery store parking lot, anyway.

"Here we go." The Orderly punched in a code and she was wheeled down the NICU corridor. "Someone will come and get you from here," he told her, parking her outside a door.

"Thanks," she murmured as she looked in the window. She didn't even know which one Bobby was. Had they gotten him right? What if someone had stolen him? What if demons used this hospital for their own personal baby buffet? What if...

The door opened just then and a cheery looking R.N. stepped outside. "Mrs. Young? We've been waiting for you!"

_Ugh. Really? She's this cheerful around sick babies all day? How do these kids not have cavities by the time their teeth come in?_ But Ryan smiled as the girl wheeled her into the room.

She drove Ryan over to wash her hands and helped her put on some kind of gauzy gown over the top of her hospital gown and then wheeled her over to a bed. "Ready to meet your son?"

"More than," Ryan breathed as she looked into the bed. She didn't know why she doubted. As soon as she saw him, she knew he was hers. He looked identical to Hope when she was born, right down to Dean's nose on the baby's face. "He's beautiful," she sobbed as the nurse picked him up. Ryan couldn't quite stem the tears, then, decided just to go with it. She was a blubbering mess, but she didn't care. This, right here, this boy, and Hope, were her reasons for existence.

The nurse, Candace, Ryan noticed her nametag said, smiled. "Yep. He's a healthy little guy! Stronger than he was a few hours ago already! The docs are amazed. They've never seen such a preemie doing so well! It's almost unnatural."

Ryan's eyes shot to her questioningly and the nurse laughed. "No, it's fine, trust me. They've checked him all out, it's just, we aren't used to little ones with quite this much of a fighting spirit."

Ryan chuckled slightly at that. "Yeah, you should meet his dad if you want to talk about fighting spirit." She gasped as the pain radiated through her, but she took a calming breath. One day, she would be able to tell Dean about this. She knew it. This…him being gone, it was just temporary, she knew it.

"I don't know, his mom seems pretty brave. Sister too. They're talking about you, how that meth head attacked you."

Ryan shivered, despite herself. "Yeah, that was…terrible," she finally agreed.

"So, this little guy has been without a ventilator, so that's a good sign. His lungs are pretty good. He was wailing earlier. Apparently he's quite impatient when he's hungry.

Ryan couldn't help the laugh. "Another one of Daddy's traits. Dee doesn't like to wait for food either. Neither does Bobby's sister."

The nurse grinned. "Okay, so, we're probably going to start you pumping breast milk today. The lactation consultant will want your milk to come in so we can get all that fatty goodness for the baby's growth. He's being dropper fed formula for the time being. Don't worry, we won't give him any of your milk until you're off some of the stuff for your leg. We want those pain meds out of your system before we start giving him your milk. And, obviously, you'll need to stay on those for a few days and…"

"No," Ryan stated flatly. "I won't need any more pain meds."

"But your leg…"

"It'll be fine," Ryan said through clenched teeth. "I've got a high tolerance for pain. I wouldn't have taken what they gave me but they shoved it in my arm once they realized I wasn't allergic to anything." It wasn't the first broken bone she'd had. The last one, she had set herself with nothing more than a flannel shirt fashioned into a sling, a broken broom handle, a determined nature, and a bottle of whiskey until she could get to a doctor that would put a cast on without reporting it. "I, uh, I have had addictions in the past, so I don't like to tempt fate, you know?" It wasn't true, but she'd be damned if she was going to dull her senses any more than they already were. She needed to stay on her toes.

The nurse glanced at the scars running down Ryan's arms and nodded. "Well, in that case, we'll let you go twenty four hours without anything stronger than ibuprofen, then we'll reevaluate. You have a daughter, so you've nursed before, I take it?"

Ryan nodded dismissively as she eyed her son. She needed to hold him.

The nurse must have realized it, too, because she gently placed him in Ryan's arms. The baby grunted unhappily at being shifted around, but settled down easily enough in Ryan's embrace.

"Hiya, Bobby," Ryan cooed as she hugged him gently to her. "Oh, baby, you're beautiful. You look so much like your sister, it's not even funny. Man, did Daddy have to take all of your DNA? Would it kill you to look a little bit like me?"

The nurse was changing Bobby's bedding, but she smiled. "I've heard that the first born children look like their fathers, something about nature helping the fathers to bond or some crap, not sure I believe it. But then the second born children look like their siblings so they can somehow sense their familiarity. He'll probably look more like you the older he gets."

Ryan almost hoped if Dean ever _did _see Hope, he wouldn't guess she was his. She couldn't handle the hurt on his face if he found out before he was supposed to. "Hasn't worked for Hope thus far, but I guess we'll see. She's starting to look a bit less like Dee, but she definitely has her daddy's facial features. She's built more like me, though, I guess. Has my hair color, too."

"And it's a beautiful color. Chestnut, isn't it?"

Ryan shrugged. Her hair lightened to reddish more in the summer months, darkened in the winter. She'd never given it a lot of thought. She didn't put much stock in her appearance, anyway. She wasn't out to get a man, and Dean seemed to like her as she was, so that was all well and good.

"The doctor is coming to talk to you about the baby's health," the nurse reminded her a few moments later.

"I thought you said he was fine," Ryan began.

"He is, but he is a preemie. And preemies need different care than babies who are born thirty seven weeks or later."

Ryan just nodded as she nuzzled the baby. He was tiny, but he definitely seemed like a fighter.

The doctor strode in a few moments later. Ryan eyed him. He seemed like a cocky bastard, but since she was in love with a cocky bastard, she withheld further judgment as he held out a hand for her to shake. "Well, Mrs. Young, you've got a little fighter on your hands."

She smirked. "So I hear. How is he, Doctor? Really?"

"Other than being early? Fairly perfect, to be honest. His APGAR scores were eight and nine, so that's promising. His lungs are a little weak. We put him on a CPAP machine when he came in, but he hasn't shown any signs of respiratory distress. He is eating surprisingly well. Honestly, we're all a little shocked at how well he's doing. If I were a praying man, I'd say he'd been handed a miracle. And if I believed in voodoo, I'd say he'd had a spell cast over him for health. At this rate, I think it's safe to say we will be sending him home much earlier than the usual six weeks in NICU."

Her brain was bouncing in overdrive with worry. Miracles and voodoo. Well, wasn't that just her luck? But the baby seemed fine, and she knew for a fact he was all human, so she wasn't too worried. She was paranoid, had been ever since Hope's birth. And with good reason as her daughter had angel grace, but what could you do? "So you think we will get out of here sooner rather than later?"

He chuckled and looked at the cast on her leg. "It'll be a while, but, yes, I think so."

She was wheeled back to her room a short time later, more exhausted than she cared to admit. Bobby was perfect, she could tell. And that was all that mattered for this instance.

Hope was lounging on clean sheets on Ryan's bed when she was brought back in. "How's Bobby?" the little girl demanded as she scampered off the bed.

Ryan smiled as the orderly helped her back into bed. "He's awesome, Hopey."

"Good."

She gave a thanks to the orderly, who left without saying a word and patted the bed. Hope grinned and gently eased onto the mattress to snuggle with her mom. The nurses were holding the police at bay, for which Ryan was extremely grateful. She would have to make sure her story matched with Hope's, but that would come in a little bit. She'd been told they would come by tomorrow sometime.

They were silent for a moment and Ryan found herself rocking and humming "Smoke on the Water" like she used to do when Hope was a baby.

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?" Ryan had almost dozed off.

"I'm a big sister now."

"Yup, 'fraid so, kiddo." Ryan felt her eyes slipping closed.

"Just like Daddy's a big brother."

"Indeed." She didn't know how much longer she could stay awake.

"I'll protect Bobby just like Daddy protects Uncle Sammy."

Ryan smiled into her daughter's hair. "Of that, my dear, I have no doubts."

Hope yawned and Ryan did as well. They needed to get some sleep, if the nurses would let them. She could only hope they wouldn't have a problem with Hopey crashing in there with her until she was discharged. "Come on, the nurse said you can sleep in that cool little chair over there…"

Hope eyed the recliner warily. "Can't I just sleep on the bed with you, Mama?"

Ryan knew the kid would probably have nightmares, and if she were honest with herself, she probably would too. "Sure, babe. I think we can just sleep together in this little hospital bed. We'll just have to squeeze close."

And that's just what they did.

Ryan was discharged from the hospital two days later. Hope stayed with her the whole time. Bobby had to stay in the hospital for only three weeks before he had grown to six pounds, three ounces. He was strong, almost too strong. Ryan knew something wasn't quite normal for him to be that healthy that fast, but she had checked him over herself.

She gave him a bath in holy water, after she first tested a tiny patch on his foot. Nothing. She then brushed the flat edge of her silver knife over him and he didn't react to that, either. She had even gone so far as to steal a sample of his blood and perform other tests on it, but he didn't pop positive for anything. She knew, too, the werewolf didn't bite her. He hadn't even scratched her. She wondered if it was due to the vampire blood that had briefly been in her system right after she had conceived, but when she exposed Bobby's blood sample to dead man's blood it didn't do anything, either. After all those tests, she just went with the fact he was a fighter.

* * *

**August Seventeenth,**

They tried to settle back into their routine as best they could. Hope wasn't comfortable enough to sleep by herself in her room and Ryan was too terrified, herself, to even let Hope, so, they slept together until Bobby came home from the hospital. The cool factor of killing a werewolf wore off just as soon as the nightmares of it coming back to kill them started. Ryan she knew they couldn't continue living there. As soon as she got her cast off and moved to an air boot, she realized it was time for a move…

Ryan strapped Bobby into his car seat and jingled the little toys above his seat. He was fascinated by the sounds of them, already. She glanced over at her daughter. "All ready?"

Hope watched the moving van pull out with all their stuff in it. "They'll be careful, won't they? I don't want my lamp broken…"

Ryan smiled. The kid was a worrier. She had wanted to heal Ryan's broken leg, but outside of letting the girl touch it once or twice, Ryan refused to let her heal it completely. It was healing faster than normal, but Ryan didn't want her daughter taxing herself. "It's fine, Hopey. They move stuff for a living."

Hope eyed her warily. "Are you sure you know how to drive a trailer this big behind our car?"

Ryan didn't trust anyone else moving Demon, which was why her metal baby was situated in an enclosed rental trailer behind her newly acquired Ford Expedition. So, maybe Hope got her worrying from her mommy… "Trust me, Hope. I kill monsters for a living."

Hope shook her head. "That's your second job. Or maybe your third. You're a mommy first and now you're a business owner. You're not quite as big and bad as you think you are."

Ryan shot her a look. "I can handle driving a damn trailer, Hope," she stated irritably. Hope was all for this move and had wanted to leave as soon as Ryan mentioned it, which was good. Ryan wanted Hope to start the school year on time. She knew life had been tough on the Winchester boys and she didn't want that same fate to befall Hope, which was why they tried not to move too often. She really hoped they could stay, this time. Buying the business was a big risk, one she hadn't anticipated, but the deal was too good to pass up.

"You said you know the lady sheriff?" Hope was asking.

Ryan shook her head. "No, I don't know her, but Bobby did. He trained her some."

"And she knows the truth?"

Ryan nodded. "She does. She's killed zombies!"

"Cool," Hope's voice was full of awe.

Ryan chuckled under her breath as she Bobby's door shut and hopped up behind the wheel. "What ya say? Taylor Swift?"

"It's not Tuesday or Thursday, Mom."

"But it's a road trip. Road trips have different rules. We'll listen to one of your CD's, then one of mine this time. Deal?"

The little girl grinned. "Deal!"

She had given the moving truck instructions for once they arrived at her house in Sioux Falls, so she took her time driving up, making the road trip more of a vacation than anything. Hope had fun and that was the important thing.

Four days later she turned onto the long dirt driveway. "Is the place secure?" Hope questioned cautiously.

Ryan nodded. "I had special iron fencing put up and it connects here to a beam hiding under the driveway. We're basically inside a big iron square. It's some of the best protection I could give you guys. The door handles are inlaid in silver, and I'm going to add rosaries to the well so the water that comes through the house is all holy water."

"Mom! You're epic!"

Ryan chuckled. "I want you to feel safe, sweetheart."

"I always feel safe when I'm with you, Mommy," the little girl said, unbuckling and leaning up to give Ryan a hug.

They arrived at the house and Ryan smiled before she handed Hope a Hello Kitty key. "Here's your key to the house, sweetie. Go in and check it out."

Hope took the key and squealed as she dashed out of the car and to the house.

Ryan blew out a breath as she went to unstrap Bobby. She hoped she was doing the right thing moving to Sioux Falls. She had debated moving somewhere farther away from any other hunters, but at the same time, she didn't want to hide anymore. She needed a confidant, someone she could tell the truth to about Hope and Bobby. When she had read in the gospels time and again about Jody Mills, she knew where she was supposed to head next. She hoped maybe in buying the diner here she could cultivate a friendship with Jody, someone who knew Bobby and cared about him. Jody was a motherer and she would help Ryan. She felt sure of it.

As if her thoughts summoned the woman, the sheriff's car drove up. Ryan smiled. She had spoken to Jody on the phone a few days before they left and told her when they would be pulling in. She got Bobby out of the car and turned to the Sheriff. "Hello."

Jody smiled. "Hi, Ryan, right?"

Ryan nodded. "Good timing. We just pulled in."

"Good. I was here two days ago and watched the moving crew getting you settled in."

"Thanks, Sheriff Mills. You didn't have to do that."

"Jody. And I didn't mind, really. Anyone that was a friend of Bobby's is a friend of mine."

Ryan smiled. "Well, this is Bobby, too."

Jody looked at the baby with a sad smile. "Bobby 2.0, huh? You got some big shoes to fill, mister."

The baby looked at her and she grasped his fat little hand. "You're a cute little stinker, aren't you? You as charming as your namesake?"

Ryan snorted at that. "I highly doubt it."

Just then, Hope ran out of the house. "Mom! This place is perfect! They put my stuff in the room I would have wanted and everything!"

Ryan didn't bother telling the girl she had given the movers specific instructions on where the big furniture was supposed to go, so she just let that one slide. "Good, honey. Come meet Sheriff Mills."

Hope came over and shook the woman's hand. "Mom says you know about…stuff."

Jody knelt down to the little girl and nodded. "Yeah, I do. You're safe with me, kid, I promise. I had some great teachers."

"Mama told me. Papa Bobby trained you, right?"

Jody nodded. "And so did the Winchester boys. Have you heard of them?"

Hope's eyes grew wide. "You-you know them? Do they come here often?" She turned to her mother. "Mom! She knows them! She knows them, too!"

Ryan closed her eyes and took in a calming breath. "Hope, grab your suitcase from the car and go on inside, put that stuff away, alright? That way we can find your toothbrush and stuff easily tonight."

Hope bit her lip and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

The two women watched her get her bag before she ran back to the house. "You, uh, you wanna tell me what that reaction was, Ryan? I mention Winchesters and get excitement from the kid and dread from you."

Ryan blew out a breath and gave Jody a half smile. Well, wasn't this just as good a time as any? "Want a cup of coffee? I think you need to know the truth."

Jody's eyebrow rose. "Oh boy. Why do I get the feeling I don't want to know?"

Ryan just laughed at that.

Ryan had managed to find the coffee pot easily enough, had set the baby in the bouncy chair she found sitting in the living room, and snagged the cooler from the car along with some Oreos and before long, they were settled at the kitchen table, talking.

"So…wait, let me get this straight…an angel gave you the ability to have kids, as long as they were Winchesters by blood, and you can't tell their daddy about it?"

Ryan nodded. She had debated telling Jody the whole truth ever since she'd made the decision to move to Sioux Falls and knew now it was the right thing to do. "I had contemplated handing you a pile of lies," Ryan told her, "But I couldn't do it. Bobby trusted you. I'm…I'm all alone, Jody. I have to trust someone."

Jody eyed her thoughtfully. "Well, I'm glad it was me you trusted with your secret. You don't know why this angel wanted this?"

Ryan shook her head. "No, I have a few ideas, but he wasn't exactly forthcoming with information. I swear, Jody, I didn't do this to mess Dean around. I…I care about him." She took a sip of her coffee. The decaf brew wasn't quite as stimulating nor as delicious as her favorite Jamaican Blue Mountain, but it would do until she'd quit nursing. "Gabriel was quite convincing. So I'm just doing as he said until it's time for the truth to come out."

"And when will that be? I mean, the boys don't come this way often, but they _do _come up here. Are you sure you wouldn't be safer somewhere far away from the odds of them seeing you or the kids?"

Ryan bit her lip. She didn't want to tell Jody about the boys being missing. Truthfully, she wasn't certain _where _they were, but she knew they would find their way back. Some days, she just had to reaffirm it to herself. "I thought about it," she said finally. "I could travel to anywhere, find a place to survive, but I didn't want to. I want to feel safe. I want Hope to feel safe. And here, at least, you know which way the wind blows. You know if there is something evil afoot and you can help me handle it, or vice versa. I can be here to help you, too. I'm still a hunter. I keep my skills up. I'm training Hope the same way, with less of the regimentation John Winchester did, but still, she knows how to handle the weapons, knows what kills what, we'll be an asset, not a burden, I promise."

Jody reached over and put her hand over Ryan's. "I don't care about burdens, Ryan. I know you'll help me if I need it. I'm a sheriff first. If you need safety and security, of course you have it. I'm just warning you, the boys may come through here."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "I know. And if they do, well, I already know what I'll say. It's the same story everyone else will hear. I can't let anyone know these kids are Dean's. It could be more than a little dangerous."

"You think?" Jody muttered. She sighed. "Fine. We'll keep it from the boys. But…Hope…she looks so much like Dean."

Ryan smiled as she thought of her daughter, who had insisted on looking for a specific toy and was rummaging through the boxes in her room. "I know. The brown eyes detract from it. She looks more like me the older she gets, thankfully, that will make things a bit easier. As soon as Bobby saw her as a toddler, he knew she was Dean's."

"Guess it's too early to tell with Little Bobby. His hair is light, though."

Ryan's smile grew. "I have a picture of Dean as a little boy. Mom had a bunch of us together and I've kept them all. He had light blond hair as a toddler, too. It must have changed the older he got."

"I can't believe you two knew one another and all these years you've managed to meet up. It's as if someone upstairs _wanted _you to be together."

Ryan shook her head. "We aren't _together_, Jody. He's got his life and he needs to live it, no matter what. I just happen to have the…the pieces left behind. It doesn't bother me," she added on quickly. She would never want anyone to think she would, for one second, trade the life she now had. "I made the choice and I love every inch of these kids." She was silent for a few moments, getting her thoughts lined up. "I…I hold what Dean's life could have been had it not been for that yellow eyed bastard. I'll tell you this; had Dean not killed him, I would have done it for them for the pain and suffering he has thrust upon those boys."

"It all goes back to that, doesn't it? Why they are what they are? Back to their mother's death?"

Ryan nodded. "And that's why I am what I am and where I am…damned demons. I'll rid the earth of them before I'm dead."

Jody took a sip of her coffee and regarded Ryan over her mug. "Sounds like a plan. But it looks as if you're a bit busy for demon killing at the moment."

Ryan smiled at the baby who had dozed off while they talked. "Yeah, you're right. But one day…"

Jody grinned. "One day, I'll help you. I've got my own reasons for eradicating demons from the planet."

* * *

**October Twelfth**

Ryan was bussing a table of some of her regulars when her cell phone rang. Her hunting cell phone. She sighed and looked at it. Tory. Great. "Hello?"

"Ryan! Hey, girl! Long time no hear! What, like, six months? Dudette! I thought you were dead!"

Ryan forced out a chuckle. "Nah, I'm good."

"You still with your cousin?"

Ryan paused before she sighed. "No, I'm not. We were in North Carolina with her for a time, then had a run-in with a werewolf. We're up in South Dakota now, Sioux Falls."

"Where Bobby Singer used to live?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. I'm only a few hours from there. Andy's with me and we just took down a coven of witches. Wish you could have been here."

Ryan smiled despite herself. She hadn't dealt with witches in ages. "Yeah, me too." It sounded a lot more fun than the disgusting diaper she changed which made Hope late for school and her late for work.

"Can we come by, see you?"

Ryan bit her lip as she held up a finger for Bo, her newest hire. "Yeah, that sounds great. I've got a few things to tell you, too."

"Oh. My. God. Do you have a man in your life? Andy! I think Ryan's got a man!"

Ryan laughed out loud. Her friend wasn't exactly wrong. "I'll see you jokers when you get here. Come to the diner where I work." She gave them directions and stuck her phone back in her pocket. Boy, were they in for a surprise.

Five hours later, Bo knocked on her office door. "Boss?"

She blinked and rubbed her eyes. She was tired of looking at paperwork. She knew they were in the red. She didn't need to check the fucking bookwork again. She glanced up at the young man and smiled. With his tattoos, multiple piercings, and oddly spiked hair, a lot of people in the small diner gave him pause, but then they saw his easy smile and his cheerful demeanor and realized he was a punk-shaped teddy bear. "Sup?"

"Two hot chicks are here to see you."

She giggled. "They're off limits, Bo. They're friends of mine and they could eat you alive."

He smirked. "Ya think?"

She nodded sagely. "I know." She glanced at him. Today, he was wearing a marijuana tee-shirt with the saying, "I've got Glaucoma" on it. He was in some simple blue jeans, but she'd noticed his wardrobe was expanding, just like his tattoo collection. Of course, she had gone with him when he got his first tattoo. He had been nervous and asked her about hers so they'd researched, found a decent joint nearby, and while he was getting his nautical star, she had gotten her new anklet that read "Hope" and "Bobby" and their birthdates. Since then, he'd gotten addicted to the tattoos. She knew the feeling. She had been tempted to get more than just the kids' names and birthdays, but decided against it. She could always get another, later.

She stood, sucked in a breath, then made her way out of the office. She spotted her friends immediately. Victoria's long hair was swept up into a knot on top of her head and Andy had gotten her hair cut into a short, curly bob. "Hey, guys," she said shyly as she walked to them.

"Oh. My. God! Ryan! You look terrific!"

She blushed at that. She didn't. This second time around, the weight was a little harder to lose after Bobby's birth. She was working out, though, like the hounds of hell were on her ass. She was strong, too. Her leg was healed, she was building up muscle, and she had continued her research of monsters. Part of her was enjoying this lull in activity, but the other part of her was jonesing for the adrenaline of the hunt. She missed it, even though she didn't hunt too often with Hope, in any case. "Thanks," she told Andy as the shorter woman enveloped her in a hug.

She hugged Tory, too, who was grinning. "So? Who's the guy?"

Ryan sucked in a breath as she pulled out her personal phone so she could show them the picture of Bobby. "This is Robert Gabriel."

Tory's mouth fell open as Andy took the phone from Ryan. "I…he…you…"

"My cousin failed to tell me she was knocked up again until I got there," Ryan told them flatly. She still couldn't tell them the truth. Sure, she'd told Jody, and in hindsight, she knew she should have shared the burden of Hope's secret identity with her two friends, but she couldn't, and now, it would look as if she had lied to them on purpose, which, she supposed she had.

"You're shitting me," Tory muttered as she snatched the phone from Andy. "Well, damn, Ryan. You're one of the best hunters we got and you're benched? For how long?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. Until he's a year old, I guess? Maybe less. It's taken me some time to recover from my broken leg I got during the werewolf debacle, so I haven't been hunting in months."

"Dude. This sucks ass," Tory pouted as she handed Ryan the phone before she crossed her arms. "We were wanting to see if you wanted in on a hunt, but I guess not…"

"I'm sorry," Ryan stated softly. Her emotions were still out of whack since Bobby's birth, and she felt the tears come unbidden.

"Oh, honey," Andy began as she pulled Ryan into a hug. "It's okay."

"I feel like I'm letting everyone down. And I bought a house and I have this place and Hope is great, and Bobby's adorable but I just…"

"It's a lot, isn't it?" Tory asked softly. She smiled at her friend and hugged her, too. "Do you want us to help you? I mean, we could…I don't know, we could do something, I guess?"

Ryan chuckled. "No, I'm good, really, just a little overwhelmed. Who knew my life would take a turn this direction, right? I mean, it was just Hope I was looking after. I had it all figured out. Then…well, it's just a lot to process. I don't regret moving up here and buying this place, though."

"You own it?"

Ryan nodded. "The old owner was selling it for a steal. It's really a decent place."

"But…wow. A mortgage, a business, two kids…damn, it's almost like you're going straight, Ryan."

Ryan snorted. "Never." She heard the bell over the door jingle and grinned as Jody came in. "And here's the sheriff. She's a hunter's apprentice, I guess you'd say."

"Ha!" Jody said as she walked up. "Apprentice my ass. I haven't seen you killing any zombies," she muttered under her breath causing Ryan to grin.

The women all shook hands and Jody pulled up a chair to the booth. "So, hunting buddies, Ryan?"

Ryan made quick introductions and before she realized it, it was time for her to go pick up Bobby. Luckily, it had been a slow afternoon, and Bo, as well as Miguel in the kitchen, had picked up her slack. "I've got to get Bobby, Hope went home with a friend for a playdate. Do you want to come to dinner? I can pick up Hope, then come to the house. Jody? You still coming? You know I feed an army when I cook, and that Brunswick Stew should be heavenly by the time I get home."

"Sounds good," Jody stated as she stood.

Andy and Tory both nodded. "That sounds terrific, Ryan. Guess we should get a hotel, then we can come over."

Ryan was writing down directions from the café. "Don't. Stay with us. You know Hope would love it if you two stayed the night. She's missed you."

The two women shared a look, then nodded. "Sounds great," Andy said.

Tory grinned. "I've missed the little stinker. Sounds like a fun night to me."

It _was_ a fun night. Jody fit in with their little group seamlessly and she took down both Andy and Tory's numbers just in case she ever needed backup or help with anything. The huntresses made over Bobby and marveled at how big Hope had gotten, and ended up staying a few days before they both went back home. Andy had moved over the summer, back to Ohio, and Tory, well, Tory didn't have a house, she mostly camped out of her van, but she had been hanging out with Andy quite a lot and had all but moved in with her friend. Ryan was glad. She had missed them so much. Their time was cut short, however, when Andy had to go back to work. She had gotten a job as a sub at the elementary school near her house, and she was called in to teach. It didn't pay much, but it kept her happy and still in the field she was trained in.

* * *

**December Fifth**

"Hope Deanna Winchester! If you don't take put that tinsel on the tree instead of in your hair, so help me…!" Ryan growled teasingly.

Hope grinned and tossed the tinsel at Ryan, who ducked and ran after her daughter. They went tearing through the house, giggling like mad until Ryan had Hope pinned to the floor, tickling her mercilessly. That was when they heard the doorbell rang.

"Is it Jody?" Hope guessed, wiggling quickly out from under her mother and ran toward the door.

"Hope! Wait!" Ryan called, but it was too late, Hope had already opened the door.

"Hi! Who are you?"

The woman bent down and looked at Hope. "I'm Charlie. And you must be Hope."

Hope gasped. "How do you know my name?"

Charlie looked up at Ryan and smiled. "Hi, uh…I'm…"

"Charlie Bradbury," Ryan whispered, more than a little surprised to find the hacker standing in her doorway. "But…how did you find me?"

Charlie's eyebrows shot up. "How did you know who I am?"

Ryan blinked. "Well, I guess we both have some questions and answers, don't we? Would you like to come in?"

Charlie just looked at her a moment. "Just like that? I figured you'd be paranoid."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "If you are Charlie Bradbury, then I have no doubts of how you found me. I'm guessing Frank had some of my information on the hard drive you hacked. The rest was easy, wasn't it?"

"Mama?" Hope asked uncertainly.

Just then, Ryan heard Bobby start to cry, a sure sign he was awake and wet from his nap. She sighed as she felt her milk come in. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath. She shook her head. "Hope, why don't you go find a snack for you and Charlie, yeah? Let me go check on Bobby, then I'll come back down."

"Is it safe, Mama?" Hope asked softly, fearfully. Ryan knew the girl realized she'd done something wrong.

Ryan put on a smile and bent down to Hope's level. "It's fine, sugar. Just…it's fine, really. She knows Dean and Sam."

"Really?"

Ryan nodded guardedly. "Remember what we've talked about, okay?"

The little girl's eyes widened, and she nodded. "Got it."

Ryan stood and smiled. "Okay, Charlie. Give me about twenty minutes. I'm sure Hope can keep you entertained."

Charlie looked from Ryan to Hope and smiled too. "Okay, kiddo, lead the way."

Ryan watched the two make their way to the kitchen and sighed. _Life's not handing me any breaks this year, is it? _She walked up to the baby's room and smiled at her little man. At five months old, he was already turning over both directions, sitting up, and army-man scooting across the floor. The doctors were amazed as how much he was moving already, but he had a determined set to his jaw and wouldn't let anything stand in his way. He also already had four teeth, which Ryan could hardly believe. Hope hadn't even broken her first tooth through at six months.

"Hey, Bobby. You hungry, little man?" She picked him up and changed his diaper before she made her way to the glider across the room. She got herself situated and he latched on hungrily, nipping her with his teeth in the process.

"Hey, watch it, you little monster," she teased gently as she rubbed his hair. It was coming in blond, thick, and curly. He looked just like Dean's baby pictures. She sighed contentedly as she rocked and hummed to him. He liked it when she hummed Metallica and she'd scoured the internet to find acoustic versions of their songs so she could have it playing in his room, which was what was going now. She hummed along to "Fade to Black" while he nursed as her mind wandered.

_Charlie is here. Charlie Fucking Bradbury is here._ _What does she want? Gabe…I wish you were still here. I sure could use your help…_She hadn't realized how much she had come to rely on the angel until he was gone. She was about half pissed at him for abandoning her with no warning. She would let it go. For now. But if she ever came up on him again, well, she would definitely be having a few choice words with him.

Bobby finished nursing quickly enough and Ryan fixed her bra and shirts before she made her way back downstairs. She found Hope and Charlie sitting in the living room, Hope snuggled into Charlie's side, Ryan's paperback copy of _The Wizard of Oz _on Charlie's lap. Ryan hadn't read it in forever. She listened with a small smile on her face as Charlie read. Finally, Bobby made a noise and two heads popped up.

Ryan smiled. "Sorry. You two were having a moment."

Charlie sat the book down and stood. "I'm sorry. I talk when I get nervous and I didn't know how much the kid knew and then I was like, well, maybe we should read and she pointed me to your bookshelf and…"

Ryan held up a hand. "It's fine, Charlie. Are you still going by Charlie?"

Charlie grinned. "Not officially, but since it's not my real name anyway, it works."

Ryan laughed. "Okay, then." She turned to Hope. "Hopey, you can go on upstairs. Make sure you latch the gate at the bottom so Bobby can't crawl over there, alright?"

"Sure, Mama." She beamed at Charlie. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too, Munchkin!"

Ryan watched her daughter skip up the stairs and sighed. "So…"

"So…" Charlie said at the same time. They both laughed.

"Dare I ask what brings you here, Charlie?"

The woman looked shamefaced. "Well, okay, so, I took Frank's hard drive, as you obviously know, though, I still don't know how…"

"Let's just say I have the inside track," Ryan stated guardedly.

Charlie nodded. "Yeah, well, on Frank's hard drive, he had a folder marked Miscellaneous Research. I clicked on it and it had additional security. Color me intrigued, so, I went snooping…"

"And there I was," Ryan finished, defeated. Of course, Frank had to know some of Ryan's most personal information, even though she'd given him fake information to begin with, she knew he would dig. And as paranoid as Frank was, of course, he knew everything about her. "What did it say?"

"It's what it _didn't _say that I wondered about."

Ryan's brows knit. "Like what?"

"Like the fact both those kids are Dean's," she stated softly.

Ryan blinked. "I would say I'm surprised you know, but oddly enough, I'm not. How did you find out?"

"Well, Frank did. He left his trail of research, he just didn't keep any of it on record. I'm guessing you're as paranoid as he was?"

Ryan shook her head. "No. That's not it. It's…complicated."

Charlie sighed. "Isn't everything attached to Sam and Dean complicated?"

Ryan laughed at that. "Yeah, it is." She paused. "How did you know about Bobby?"

Charlie blushed. "After I found out about you, and Hope, I continued digging. Sorry."

Ryan chuckled. "Well, I am keeping them secret, from the hunting community at the very least."

"And Dean?"

Ryan licked her lips nervously. "There are…extenuating circumstances behind my betrayal."

"I'd be interested in hearing them."

"Got a few hours?" Ryan shot at her.

Charlie grinned. "Want me to go get us food?"

Ryan shook her head. "I've got a pot of chili on. You hungry?"

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a hippogriff."

Ryan giggled despite herself. "You sure you aren't hungry enough to eat a Chinese Fireball?"

The other woman's eyes widened at the Harry Potter reference and grinned. "Well, maybe a Swedish Short-Snout."

Ryan's smile grew. "As long as you don't compare my chili to a Hungarian Horntail. I think that would be rather tough to chew." Charlie laughed out loud as Ryan added, "Come on, let's go into the kitchen. I've got to put on the cornbread."

"Oh! Yum!"

Four hours later found them both relaxing with a glass of wine. The kids were in bed and Charlie had agreed to stay the night. Ryan hadn't told Charlie everything, but she told her enough. She didn't mention the angels, or Gabriel, but did say she was keeping the kids from Dean for his own good. Charlie didn't comment on whether she agreed or not, but then, she didn't know Dean very well, despite digging into their pasts as much as she could. She had also stumbled onto Chuck Shurley's books and had read them all, much to Ryan's chagrin. "You do realize they're works of fiction, right?"

"But they're true."

Ryan giggled and took a sip of her wine. "Yes, they're true, but they are embellished. Chuck got flashes of their lives. The rest he…filled in."

"Oh." Ryan smirked at Charlie's obvious disappointment. "Okay."

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. "But the good stuff is true."

Charlie smiled. "Well, there is a lot of good stuff in there." She paused. "You read them? I mean…do you know about…I mean…Dean's…"

"A manwhore?" Ryan replied. At Charlie's laugh, Ryan added, "Yeah, I got the memo. I don't care."

"You love him."

Ryan took another sip of her wine before she nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Then why won't you tell him the truth?"

"About what? The kids? Come on, Charlie, he's not in the right place for a kid."

"He might be. One day."

"One day isn't today, Charlie. Would I love for him to be their father and do daddy stuff with them? Of course. But…he's got his own life to live, one that doesn't include us."

"It would if you _told _him, Ryan."

"I'm not going to argue over this. There are a lot of things you don't know, Charlie. Things I'm not comfortable discussing."

They stared at each other for a moment before Charlie sighed. "Yeah, okay. Be Miss Mysterious over there."

Ryan smiled at her. "Well, hell, Charlie, I don't trust people. That's all I know how to be."

Charlie was quiet a moment and accepted more wine when Ryan held out the bottle. Finally, she said, "You know, Frank dug into other stuff about you, too."

Ryan sighed. "I figured."

"I've got all your medical records."

"Including the sealed ones?"

Charlie nodded.

"Well, if we're going there, then we need stronger shit than the wine," Ryan mused as she stood.

Charlie reached out and grabbed her arm gently. "Ryan, don't. We don't have to talk about it. Just…I know, okay? So, like, if you want to talk about it…"

"I don't talk about it!" Ryan snapped. "To anyone, alright?"

Charlie held up her hands as a sign of surrender. "Okay. I get it."

Ryan collapsed back onto the sofa. "Look, I've had a lot of weird shit happen in my life. A lot of bad, really weird, shit. I don't like to think about it, okay? I've seen every shrink under the sun and they didn't do a damn thing for me. The only thing that 'fixed me' was a touch from an angel. And that was only because he wanted something from me. So, no, I'm not comfortable with talking about my life to a complete stranger. No thank you." She bit the inside of her cheek. She hadn't meant to explode that way. She waited for Charlie to ask what she meant, but Charlie surprised her by nodding softly.

"I got it. I understand."

Ryan clenched her jaw before she sighed. "Charlie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"No, I'm sorry. It isn't my place. I just…sorry."

They sat there in awkward silence for a few more minutes before Charlie attempted to yawn discreetly. Ryan chuckled. "Tired?"

Charlie shrugged. "Being on the lam is less than fun, to be honest."

Ryan laughed out loud. "Been there. I've been running most of my life. Go on to bed. Let me clean up and I'll see you in the morning."

They both stood and Charlie handed her the now empty wine glass. "Thanks, Ryan. You didn't have to let me in or talk to me or anything. I just…I really appreciate it."

Ryan bit her lip in thought a moment before she spoke. Finally, she said, "Charlie, I know what it's like to be alone, to feel like you're the only person left in your world. Believe me. That isolation can seriously mess with your head. I'm always accepting of that, and I'm more than happy to now call you a friend."

Charlie's eyes filled with tears. "Thank you," she whispered.

Ryan smiled. "Thank you, for keeping my secret."

Charlie opened her mouth to say something, but then shut it and shook her head. "I promise, the kids' secret identities are safe with me."

* * *

**AN2: So, here we are at the end of another chapter! I have one more before Dean meets up with Ryan in South Dakota. But the next chapter has a few fun hunts in it! **

**Reichenbach review: Oh. My. God. It was awesome. I've only watched it three times so far, but I've been busy. Planning on watching it again after I post this. My only complaint? The fact they used "Cherry Pie" again. Like, I know strippers strip to other music besides that and the last time it was used in SPN was Dean's dream with the devil and angel strippers Anna interupted in "The Song Remains the Same". But the rest? Perfection! **

**I may be too emotionally compromised next week to post anything. Have you SEEN the extended trailer for it?! I was in a funk for three hours after seeing Demon!Dean and Sam! Gah. My heart. Ya'll know I'm a Dean girl, but I am SO loving bad-ass Sam this year! He's determined and just...BAMF to the maxx. Love it. **

**Anywho, until next time, my lovelies! **


	15. Kryptonite

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it. If I did...well...anyway, let's just leave it at "I don't own it."**

**AN: Hi, everyone! Welcome to my new followers! Whoot! Hope you're enjoying the crazy ride we're on! Thanks for sticking with me. Whoo-hoo! I'm still SO in love with this story! It's got a hella long way to go, too. Buckle up! For my spoiler full mini-review of "Soul Survivor" see my note at the bottom...**

**TRIGGERS: In this chapter, we've got some. References to suicide, rape, mental institutions, that kind of thing, just to be warned! **

* * *

**April Twenty-Fourth**

Life slipped into safe normalcy for Ryan and she would briefly close her eyes and send up a prayer of thanks to Gabriel for the gifts he had blessed her with. Her life was perfect for once. Jody had become one of her best friends. She came to their house at least once a week for supper and dropped in at the café almost daily for a cup of coffee and a catch-up on the latest gossip. Ryan began taking more and more calls, helping out new hunters, helping Garth take over the role of Bobby Singer in the information department. She stayed on the outskirts of hunting, for now, at least. She was still training, though, and had gotten Hope into some rigorous Tae Kwon Do training as well. They worked out at a local dojo after school twice a week, and practiced at night together after Bobby went to bed.

She became Hope's co-leader when she joined up with the Girl Scout troop that only had one leader for ten girls, she carpooled kids, she was an upstanding member of the community, liked by all, loved by a few of the regulars who were glad she didn't go in and change Billy's restaurant, save for adding a few new items and sending out the crap no one ordered anyway. And everyone loved her pies. She became known for her desserts and often had additional orders that kept her up late at night baking after the kids had gone to bed. The kids were thriving, and so was she.

"Hey, Ryan," Jody said as she walked into the diner that morning. "I hear a happy birthday is in order."

"Yep. I'm getting old."

Jody shot her a look. "Don't start that crap, Ryan." She sat at the bar where Ryan was filling drink orders. "You going to let me take you out for a meal you didn't cook yourself?"

Ryan laughed as she poured coffee into a disposable cup. She handed it to Jody and smiled. "Maybe. You planning on taking me somewhere better than Plucky's?"

Jody's nose curled in disgust. "That place is terrible."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "I know, right? Ugh. Hope was not impressed. Thank God for that." She mock shivered. "I hate clowns. I can't believe Maggie McLauren actually had Stephanie's birthday there. Isn't eight too old for that place?"

"Well, I'm just glad you and Hope booked it out of there after you dropped off the gift. Me and Bobby were more than happy to have you guys come home and join in the fun." Jody had babysat Bobby 2.0 as she called him while Ryan had taken Hope to her friend's birthday party the week before. Ryan walked over to the pastry case and pulled out an apple oat bran muffin. She sat it on a small plate and walked over to her friend. "Can I temp you?" she asked innocently.

Jody's eyebrow rose. "Why?"

Ryan grinned. "You wanna do something for my birthday?"

Jody's eyes were wary. "Maybe. What?"

"I caught us a case."

Jody took a sip of the coffee, picked up the muffin, and gestured to the back booth. Once they were both sitting, Jody looked at her. "Spill."

Ryan glanced around and then sat down a newspaper. "Friend of mine sent this over to me. Small town southeast of Billings, Montana, seems it's possible it's a wraith."

Jody's eyebrows rose before her eyes narrowed. "I thought you didn't have any friends."

Ryan shot her a look but then grinned. "Bite me, Jody. I'm going this weekend. I already lined up a sitter to come and stay at the house for a few days. Hope's been prepared and told I'm going on a hunt. It's a haul…ten hours there, ten hours back. I figured in two days for travel, two days for hunting, but we might need more. You in or not?"

"I've never seen a wraith."

Ryan shrugged. "There aren't many around, actually. The Boys killed one a few years ago in a nut house." Ryan didn't feel the need to elaborate on who "The Boys" were, and clearly Jody knew who she was talking about when she didn't question that particular fact.

"And where is this one located?" Jody wanted to know.

Ryan sighed. "The psych wing of the local hospital."

Jody pursed her lips. "And, let's say I did go. I'm guessing you want us to pull a Winchester and get you admitted?"

Ryan grinned. Leave it to Jody to figure out her plan before she'd finished forming it in its entirety. "Well, hell, it's not like it would be hard, would it?" After all, she was about half crazy, anyway and it wouldn't be her first visit to the funny farm. All she had to do was tell the truth. It was, after all, The Winchester Way. Then, boom, one way ticket to the nuthouse.

Jody shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're going to be the bane of my existence, aren't you Ryan?"

Ryan chuckled. "You said I was like a sister to you, Jody," she commented, thinking about their conversation a few days ago. "So, if we're sisters, aren't you worried about my psychological health?"

Jody let out a snort. "Honey, I'm worried about your psychological health anyway."

Ryan's eyebrow went up. "So…does this mean we're going hunting?"

Jody huffed out a breath. "Let me go tell the guys at the station I'll be gone for a few days. What do you think? Spa?"

Ryan nodded. "Sounds like a good lie to me."

"Shit," Jody muttered under her breath as she stood. She grabbed the paper cup of coffee and snagged up the muffin, wrapping it in a napkin. "I'm taking this with me as bribery."

Ryan smiled. "I, uh, I made a basket full for your whole force."

"You're so kind," Jody deadpanned.

Forty-eight hours later, they pulled into the small town and Ryan drove Demon straight to the hospital. They looked up at the old building through the windshield. "Wow. That's not creepy," Ryan commented as she took in the architecturally rich building.

"You sure it isn't a vengeful spirit, Ryan?"

"The research says wraith, but I've been wrong before, so has the research."

"Great," Jody drawled as she continued to look up at the building. "So, just for grins and giggles, you think we should look into possible ghost activity?"

Ryan held up her EMF reader. "Already on it."

"So, what's our game plan?"

Ryan smiled and Jody's eyes narrowed. "You're an evil sort of witch, aren't you?"

Ryan laughed out loud. "I prefer the term 'bitch', Jody. Witches are messed up."

Jody let out a snort. "Remind me not to tangle with them."

Ryan shrugged and opened the car door. "Now, when I'm in, you've got to take care of the car, okay?"

Jody rolled her eyes as she stood, too. "Yeah, you're Dean's girl alright. Give me a little credit, Ryan. The car will be fine."

Ryan stuck her tongue out at her best friend.

They were escorted into an office to wait for the psychiatrist and it wasn't long before the balding, older man came for them. Ryan watched him with a sense of trepidation. Even though she was coming of her own will, and definitely would get out, even if she had to break out, a cold sweat popped up on her skin. She took in a few deep, calming breaths that had Jody looking at her worriedly, but Ryan just smiled at her.

"So, Ms. Myles, your paperwork says you've spoken to an…angel?"

Her alias was Ryan Myles after the artist that sang "Black Velvet" and she smiled as she thought of Dean. _You'd love this one, sweetheart_. She nodded. "Yes, I have. Gabriel. _The _Arch Angel."

The doctor wrote something on her file. "I see. And what did he tell you?"

"He prophesied that I would have children and they would be important in the battle of Heaven, Hell, and Earth."

"The apocalypse?"

"Oh, no, no, the children's father and his brother already stopped the apocalypse. I'm not certain what the children are supposed to be used for. I assume when the time is right, I will know."

The doctor continued writing. "And you, Mrs. Nicks? You were the one that decided your sister needed to come visit?"

Jody sighed and played her part. "Yes. I tried to tell her she needs to tell the kids father about them, but she insists they must remain a secret."

"The man doesn't know he has children?"

Jody shook her head. "No. He doesn't. And it's a shame, too. He's a great hunter. He should know he's got two kids that are going to follow in his footsteps."

Ryan's eyes widened and she looked at Jody. _What the fuck are you doing?! _

The doctor cleared his throat. "Hunter…deer? Elk? Bear?"

"Nope, try demon, vampire, and werewolf."

The doctor nodded. "I see…"

Jody and Ryan were forced down a hall, now both wearing light blue surgical scrubs and escorted into a large common room with bars on the walls. As soon as the orderlies walked away, Ryan muttered, "Jody! What the actual hell?"

Jody shot her a look. "I know about the wraith when Sam and Dean handled it, Ryan. Bobby told me about it. It almost killed Sam and juiced him and Dean both full of dopamine. Don't you think there is safety in numbers here?"

Ryan blew out a breath. "This is going to screw with our timetable."

Jody just shrugged. "Well, hey, at least we don't have to pay for a hotel room."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "So…we need to look at the bodies. That's what I wanted _you _to do while I looked around here."

"Whoops."

Ryan pursed her lips. "Anyway, we'll sneak to the morgue, shouldn't be too difficult. Remember, keep an eye on the mirrors. You can see their true faces in the mirrors. And don't let anyone touch you if at all possible."

"I'm not a newbie, Ryan."

Ryan laid her hand on Jody's arm. "I know you aren't. But you're my best friend, Jody. We've got to keep each other safe."

"We'll get in, get out, we should be fine."

"Famous last words," Ryan muttered as they walked over to the couch and sat down next to another woman.

"So, what are you in for?" the woman asked genially.

Ryan smiled and held out her arms to show off her scars. "Delusions. Self harm. Suicidal tendencies. I'm also a paranoid schizophrenic with religious psychosis. You?"

"Nice." The woman smiled and showed them scars on her wrists. "I've got you for the suicidal tendencies. How many times for you?"

Ryan blew out a breath. She hadn't wanted Jody to know her whole life story, but, well, just go with it, right? "Twice. Pills, then the broken bathroom mirror. Almost took the second time. Wound up in a place like this."

"Looks like you got some help. Nice ink."

Ryan fingered the lettering on her arms, thinking of Dean, then held them out for the woman to inspect. "Yeah. Thanks to a guy."

"He turn into a dick?"

Ryan laughed as she thought of him. "Dean's always been a dick. No changing the man now. No, it, uh, didn't work out, but it was mutual. I've got a couple of kids out of the deal, so I can't complain either way."

The woman's eyebrows rose. "You seem fairly put together for a nutjob, sweetie."

Ryan shrugged. "Some days are harder than others. People think because you accept the fact you're suicidal, because you say you won't do it again, that fixes you. It doesn't. It just makes life harder."

The woman nodded. "I'm Katie."

"Ryan. And my unfortunate sister over there is Jody."

Katie laughed. "Your parents have something against naming you two girl's names?"

Jody chuckled, speaking for the first time. "Mom and Dad wanted boys. Got stuck with us instead. We've dealt."

"Obviously not very well," Katie commented. Just then, one of the orderlies came up to Katie and she said, "Well, that's my cue. Got to go to therapy. See you later."

"She seemed nice," Ryan stated offhandedly as she watched Katie walk away.

"Did you mean all of that?" Jody asked softly.

Ryan debated bullshitting her, but instead nodded. "Yeah, I did."

"I'm sorry, Ryan."

Ryan shrugged. "Eh, well, life sucks ass. You get over it."

Their group therapy session proved to be a lot for Ryan, too. She wasn't sure if it was being back in a damn psych ward or the fact that she opened herself up for it, discussing some of the tortures of her past, but she felt physically ill by the time they ate dinner, had game time in the common room, then made their way to their rooms for lights out. Naturally, they were in separate rooms and Jody's eyes widened as she saw what was waiting for her. "You owe me, Ryan," she hissed as she walked into the room.

Ryan would have chuckled if she hadn't felt so bad. She was shivering by the time she was shown to her bed. And to her surprise, her roommate was Katie. "Hey, stranger. You look rough."

"I-I don't know what's w-wrong with m-me," Ryan managed through her shivers. Her stomach felt like it was rolling and she was briefly reminded of having the cure to the vampirism.

"Come on, let's get you laid down," Katie said softly as she helped Ryan under her covers.

Ryan did as she was told, if only to warm herself up. She sat under the covers rubbing her arms and rocking slightly. Her heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest and her lungs felt like she couldn't drag in enough air, like you felt when you lost your breath after a fall. She tried to suck in as many slow, steady breaths as she could, to no avail. "I-I can't g-go to sleep. N-need to get to J-Jody…"

"Shhh," Katie purred as she brushed Ryan's hair out of her eyes. "You really don't look very good. Did they give you anything? Maybe you're having a reaction to something."

"D-Dopamine…al-allergy to D-Dopamine," she murmured. Someone had dosed her. Who? How?

"What?" asked Katie, concerned. "What are you talking about?"

"H-Had to take it…w-with B-Bobby…b-blood pressure problems b-before his birth…had a r-reaction …" She was shivering and now she was feeling more than a little paranoid. That was why she knew she wanted to take this case. She would know immediately if someone touched her and she reacted. Who was it? Who could it have been? Her mind was still reeling even as she closed her eyes to stave off the rolling nausea. "G-Gonna be s-sick…" she managed just before she threw up over the side of the bed onto the floor.

"Of course. I had to choose the sister that has the allergy," Katie growled.

"W-What?" Ryan managed as she looked at the woman.

"Oh, poor Ryan, you are just the next victim in a long line of faked suicides and bullshit medical reactions."

"Y-You? You're the wr-wraith?"

Katie's eyes grew wide. "Hunter? You came here to hunt _me_?"

"Y-Yes," Ryan stated defiantly. "Should have kn-known it was you. Y-You touched my arm. My sc-scars…"

"Yes. And I've touched you a few times today, you just didn't notice it. You should be quite doped up by now. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get you any higher. I like to play with my food, but you would alert the staff and then I couldn't have my fun…"

Something caught Ryan's eye and she stayed completely still as Jody came in and plunged something into Katie's heart.

Katie let out a shriek of pain. Jody's face showed a grim determination as she twisted and Katie dropped to the floor, dead.

"Ryan! God, are you okay?" Jody demanded as she came over to Ryan.

Ryan nodded uncertainly. "Th-Th-Think so…wh-wh-what did you st-stab her with?"

"Silver baby knife. It was part of a set for one of the pregnant nurses. Didn't know how I'd manage, but I swiped it earlier in the day. Knew we'd need something to kill the bitch."

"H-how did you know it was h-her?"

"She touched you. I looked up dopamine and possible adverse reactions, just in case. I'd never taken it before. I wanted to be prepared."

"Thanks, J-J-Jody," Ryan murmured.

"Will you be okay?"

Ryan nodded. "I-I'll make it. N-need to get out of here…" she stood and her legs almost buckled, but she stayed upright.

"Whoa, whoa, you okay?"

"P-Peachy," Ryan managed. "Help me to th-the car?"

Jody nodded and wrapped her arm around Ryan's waist. "Okay, let's get out of here."

Ryan knew she probably should stay, be monitored, but she needed to get the hell out of this place. Now.

Jody somehow managed to sneak them out, Ryan wasn't sure how. She was bordering on passing out and as soon as they reached the car, and Jody slid her into the passenger seat, she succumbed to the unconsciousness.

Ryan jerked awake to hearing the car door slam.

"Good morning, princess," Jody said cheerfully as she handed Ryan a cup of coffee. "Figured you needed some caffeine."

"You're an angel. One of the good ones. Not the douchebags."

Jody chuckled. "I also got some breakfast food. Figured you would need something soft. Just some toast from the takeout joint there…"

Ryan looked across the parking lot at the Mom and Pop's diner. "Thank you, Jody. If I had gone alone…"

"You're a dumbass, Ryan," Jody shot back. "I am so damn mad at you right now I just want to scream. How in the _hell _could you go into that _knowing _you had an allergy to dopamine? Are you suicidal? Really? Do I need to turn this fucking car around and take you back to the psych ward? Because I will. I want to help take care of you, Ryan, but not like this. You can't give up on anything and you've got to be the one to raise those kids. Not me. You."

Ryan hung her head and looked down into her coffee cup. "I know. You're right. I'm sorry, Jody. I…I figured as soon as I felt bad, I'd be able to know who it was. I didn't count on feeling like that and it screwing with my head at the same time. I figured I'd feel nauseated or have the rapid heartbeat like I did last time, put two and two together, and get four. Instead, I put two and two together and got six…because I would have been screwed six ways to Sunday if you hadn't been there to save my bacon."

Jody smirked but remained silent. "You're still an idiot."

"I know. You…I won't ask you to come hunting with me again."

"Damn it, girl, didn't you hear a word I just said?! I said I've got to help protect you. Dumbass."

Ryan's lips quirked. "You spent a little too much time with Bobby Singer, Jody. You're channeling him."

"Well, someone has to, obviously."

They sat in silence for a moment while Ryan gnawed on her piece of toast.

"If you can hold that down, we'll go get something substantial the next time over," Jody stated as she cranked the car. "And you're driving after you eat."

Ryan just nodded.

"Oh, and, since we finished the case early, your ass is paying for me to go to a damn spa."

Ryan laughed.

"Oh, and one more thing."

"Just one?"

"Smartass. When we get back, I'm deputizing you. That way if something goes down in town, I'll have real backup."

"But…I don't have any BLET training."

Jody shot her a look. "Duh. It's called forgery, sweetie."

From then on, hunting became something of a fun pastime. She would hire one of the teenagers to spend the night with Hope and Bobby while she went around the state, occasionally with Jody tagging along, killing evil, and showing Jody some of her world…

* * *

**July Fourth**

Bobby's first birthday was a small event in the diner with just a handful of people, but that didn't make it any less special. Ryan made him a Mickey Mouse smash cake and she watched him eat all the icing off, coating himself in the sweet confection. The little guy had one hell of a sweet tooth.

He was adorable, too. His hair was sandy blond and he had crystal blue eyes and the quickest smile Ryan had ever seen. He was always happy, happier even than Hope, and she had been the happiest child Ryan had ever met.

Bobby was special. He was also a trouble maker. He was quite the climber already and he started walking at nine months old. Well, he didn't start walking, he took off running. He was lithe and lean and already such a damn _boy _that Ryan couldn't help but marvel at the differences in her children.

That's where he got his nickname; Loki, because he was certainly if not a god of mischief, the crowned prince.

After the party, they went and watched the town's fireworks display and Bobby's eyes were glued to the lights in the sky, clapping and jabbering in baby language at the loud booms and bright colors.

* * *

**September Seventh**

Ryan knocked on Jody's door on a Saturday morning bearing bagels and cream cheese with the kids bundled in the car. It was only September but they'd had a nasty cold snap come in. Ryan loved it. She had always been a fan of colder weather. "Fancy a ride to the park?" Ryan asked. _Hold it together, Ryan, just for a little while longer. _Her eyes were burning from exhaustion and tears. This…it was getting to her.

Jody eyed her warily before she shrugged and slipped on her boots. "Why not? You got coffee?"

"Jamaican Blue Mountain."

Jody's eyes closed and she hummed in appreciation. "The good stuff. Well, now I know you want something, but I'm still game. Let's go."

They made it to the park by Hope telling Jody all the things she'd learned that week in school, that she'd aced her spelling test (partly because Ryan drilled her) and that she'd excelled in her physical fitness test. "I was the fastest runner! Miss Fields says I've got wings attached to my feet."

Ryan held in the wince. The whole angel thing occasionally jumped up and freaked her out, even though Hope had shown no further signs to any supernatural activity. She remained quiet as Jody praised her daughter.

"Mama said how fast Daddy is, too," Hope stated excitedly. "She said he has to be in top shape to fight the monsters."

Jody nodded. "She's right. He and your Uncle Sam are both in pretty decent shape. But your dad would be healthier if he didn't eat so many cheeseburgers."

Hope giggled. "That's what Mama says too."

Ryan smiled. "Alright. Everybody out."

Hope scurried out of the vehicle and after getting the okay from Ryan, made a beeline for the swing set. Ryan unlatched Bobby from his seat and held his hand until they made it to the gate, then she let him free to run. She turned and Jody was right behind her with the bags of food and thermos of coffee. "Thanks."

They made their way to the tables and Ryan set up their little makeshift picnic. "Wow," Jody commented as Ryan laid out the bagels and cream cheese as well as some fruit. "I'm going to go out on a limb and say you either want me to keep the kids, or you want me to go on a hunt. Which one?"

Ryan blew out a breath and tried to hold in tears. This had been bothering her ever since she'd overheard it in on the diner radio two days ago. She'd spent most of the past two evenings and nights doing research and she was more than a little exhausted already. "Actually, I got wind of some possible demonic activity in northwest Nebraska. I wouldn't ask you to come, but, well…" she bit her lip and swallowed hard. "I, uh, it's…it sounds similar to what happened to me. Young girls being taken. They've found two bodies so far raped and mutilated, one was eleven, one was thirteen. When Sam and Dean accidentally opened the Devils' Gate in Montana before the apocalypse, a lot of demons got out. I'm afraid the one that Dean excised from me might have been one of the ones who escaped." She paused, then admitted, "There aren't any signs of demons, okay? NO freak lightening storms, no omens, nothing. I admit that. But the tortures…they are too similar for me to discount. They aren't releasing all the details to the public, but I used my deputy status to find out some information. I'm sorry."

Jody hugged her one-armed. "Ryan, you never have to apologize. I gave you permission to use my name so you didn't have to worry about doing shady things to get information. It's fine. I just wish you had told me about this when you first heard it and first started worrying about it. You haven't slept, have you?"

"Not a lot," Ryan admitted. "Hence the expensive coffee…"

Jody took a sip of hers. "Well, it _is _a terrific cup of Joe. You know I'll come with you, but are you sure you don't want Andy to go with you? Isn't she our resident demon expert?"

"She is," Ryan stated guardedly, "But I don't want her this close to this. I don't know what that bastard will say if it is him…I don't…" She bit her lip as the tears poured. "I love you, Jody, like a sister. We've said that. So, I trust you like one. I've always kept Andy at arm's length, Tory too. But you know so much about me…"

"Shhh," Jody whispered as she pulled Ryan in for a hug as Ryan sobbed. "That's fine. You know I love helping you, Ryan. And you don't know how much I appreciate the fact you trust me enough to go with you. That speaks volumes, girl."

Ryan took a stuttering breath and tried to calm herself. "Th-Thanks."

"No problem. Now, how should we play it? FBI?"

Ryan shook her head, her tears leaving her as she got into the correct mindset to tell Jody about the case. "Feds are already on scene. We won't even need to go to the police station. Like I said, I got all the information from them. Told them we had the daughter of a retired sheriff who lived in the area with her little girl and we were doing him a solid. The guy bought it easily enough."

Jody nodded. "Good. I'll get the time off and we'll go check it out."

"It might not be a demon," Ryan reminded her.

Jody laid her hand on Ryan's shoulder. "But it might be. And if it is, I'll be right by your side while we blast his ass straight back to hell." She grinned. "And if it isn't, well, I'd enjoy putting a scumbag behind bars."

A few days later, Ryan was putting gear into her pockets from her arsenal, gearing up for the hunt. The drive had been tiring, but she was eager to get this fucker and kill him, or smoke his ass back downstairs. "Got your gear?" she murmured to Jody, who had been gathering her own stuff from her bag.

Jody cocked the sawed off in her hand and nodded. "Loaded down with two flasks of holy water, a ton of salt shells, the iron knife Bobby gave me, and the exorcism incantation saved on my cell phone. I'm ready."

Ryan held up her angel blade, the one Gabriel had left with her when he'd visited and told her of Hope's grace, and narrowed her eyes. "Alright. Let's start hunting."

Ryan wrinkled her nose as they walked over the wooded area where the first victim had been found. Another victim had been found and that had rushed them along quicker than Ryan really wanted to. She had wanted to do some more research, but she'd felt the need to hurry. "Definitely sulfur."

"He must have come back to the scene of the crime. It wouldn't smell this strongly still, would it?"

Ryan shook her head. "Not unless he smoked out from here. He could be possessing a cop now, Jody."

Jody's eyes widened. "You don't think…"

Ryan shifted her sawed-off behind her back with its shoulder strap and shrugged nonchalantly as she knelt by the pile of yellow powder, thankful it hadn't rained since the body had been found. She fingered it thoughtfully. "Wouldn't be the first time I had to gank a cop for being dirty." She eyed her friend. "You going to be okay with that?"

Jody blew out a breath. "But you'll excise it, right? We won't use your angel blade like Dean and Sam do with that knife of theirs."

Ryan inclined her head. "No, I'll excise him, if I can, give the meatsuit a chance to live. But if the cop was hurt…" she paused and said what was really on her mind. "Jody, speaking from experience, if it did something to those girls, no matter what form it is in, that body would rather be dead. It's…it's terrible. It messes with your head and really screws you up. Trust me. Especially for a cop. They'd rather be dead than live with the guilt."

Jody's jaw clenched but she nodded. "Okay."

Ryan stood and sighed. "Good. Let's start looking."

"You think it's around here?"

Ryan paused. "It's possible. The second body was found across town, the third body between there and here. But if the sulfur smell is this strong, I'm wondering if he's not hiding around here."

Jody turned in a circle. They were in a park near the fire station and a few blocks away from the police station as well. Sure, it backed up to the woods, but it was very…public. "Are you sure it wouldn't want somewhere more private?"

"It gets off on hurting girls, Jody. I'm pretty sure it also likes the attention of its kills being found. It's…evolved from when it was with me twenty-five years ago. There's no telling what it's done since then, how its tortures have grown and mutated. It is evil personified."

Jody held up a hand. "I get it, I do. We'll get him, Ry."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "Then let's go find this bastard."

A search of the area proved to be useless. There was nowhere for a demon to hide with a little girl to torture, so with heavy hearts, they went and checked into a motel for the night.

"What's your plan?" Jody asked as she walked out into the bedroom, rubbing the towel over her wet hair. Ryan would take one next. The smell of sulfur seemed burnt into her nose. She wondered if Jody had noticed it also.

Ryan flipped her laptop around and showed Jody. "I've got a lead on a few different abandoned buildings, but nothing concrete. These are all in town. I was held in a barn way out in the country where no one could hear our screams." She saw Jody wince but shook it off. If she became that scared little girl again, she would be no good to anyone. So she became cold, calculated huntress instead. "I'm thinking we're going to have to go get more information maybe in the library tomorrow. Google Earth is showing me a few places, too, we could look."

"Divide and conquer?"

Ryan shook her head. "You don't have the anti-possession sigil. I can't trust you won't come back possessed."

Jody's eyebrow rose. "You know, when I was twenty, I swore I'd never get a tattoo." She blew out a breath. "Let me get dressed. Think there's a tattoo parlor open around here?"

Ryan blinked. "Seriously?"

Jody nodded. "If I'm going to be hunting, I probably need the damn thing anyway."

Ryan smiled. "Alrighty then. Let me pull up a couple of places, see which one looks the most trustworthy…"

Jody winced as she slipped her shirt back on. She had gotten her tattoo in the middle of her shoulders, just like Ryan, though she didn't go for the angel's wings. Her tattoo looked just like Sam and Dean's did, however, she did go the next step further and get the Latin saying "NON TIMEBO MALA" over the top of it like Ryan had. In her words, "I'll be damned if I'm going to fear anything evil ever again. Isn't that why I started hunting in the first place?"

Ryan smiled and grabbed the gear from the tattoo artist along with the paperwork on proper care of it and they made their way out into the night. "So, let's go get some rest and then we'll hit the trail fresh in the morning."

Jody yawned. "Sounds like a plan to me."

The next morning, Ryan was just stepping from the shower when Jody called her to come to the TV.

Ryan wrapped the towel around her and hurried out just in time to hear a fourth victim had been found. "Damn it!" she growled as she hurried to get dressed. They had to move faster. She couldn't have another dead girl on her conscience.

Jody must have sensed the urgency in her because when Ryan returned from the bathroom dressed and her hair swept up into a ponytail, she put both her hands on Ryan's shoulders. "Ryan, calm down."

"Calm down? He's killed again! How can I…we can't…it's all my fault!" she sobbed. She should have been faster. She should have left as soon as she realized it was a demon, not sit around and twiddle her thumbs for a day! And last night, she should have gone out as soon as they left the tattoo parlor. Stupid! They couldn't waste more time. They had to go. Now. She stiffened her spine and made to move toward the door, however, Jody steered Ryan to the table and chairs and forced her to have a seat before she knelt in front of her.

"Listen to me, Ryan, this is _not _on you. This is _not _your fault. This bastard is doing these things, not you. We'll get him, and then we'll excise him, okay?"

Ryan took a stuttering breath, damning the tears that were falling down her face. _Now is not the time to be a girl, Ryan! _"O-okay."

Jody smiled softly. "Don't worry. We won't leave here until we get him. No matter what."

Later that evening, they stopped at another abandoned building on their list, parking just where they could see it. They had been examining buildings all day, but Ryan just had a feeling about this one, a tingle of familiarity. He was here. She knew it. "This is the place," she breathed.

"How do you know?"

Ryan shook her head. "I can just tell. I feel it."

Jody looked at her questioningly, but didn't express a comment as she nodded and they stepped out of the car.

They snuck up to the building, an old gas station with a huge garage on the side. It was ten miles outside of town, but on a desolate road. It was the perfect spot. All the garage bay doors were boarded up and there was only one door that looked it had been ripped off by a rogue wind storm. _Or a strong-ass demon, _Ryan thought.

"Stay close," Ryan breathed.

"Like I'm going for stroll," Jody shot back as they held their guns aloft and made their way into the building.

A look inside the gas station showed it empty, but they heard a humming coming from the garage area. They walked to the door and Ryan glanced inside before communicating wordlessly with Jody. They breached the room and were immediately thrown up against the wall.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" the small man said. He was nothing special in the looks department, but his eyes flashed black as he raked them over Ryan. "Well, hello there, Ryan. I remember you. You're the only piece of ass that's escaped me. I guess the Stockholm Syndrome must be alive and well if you felt the need to come back to me."

"I'm going to send your ass back to hell, demon!" she shouted.

"Tut, tut, now, why would you do that? We can have so much fun." He walked over to her and smirked as he looked her over. "Well, you grew up pretty, didn't you?" He waved his hand again and she was thrown to the floor.

The break in his grip allowed her to hold her angel blade aloft and his eyes widened. "Well, she's a hunter now. Tell me. Did that have anything to do with me?"

She smiled coldly. "Yes, as a matter of fact, it did."

He grinned. "Well then, little hunter, bring it."

He held a knife up and her stomach rolled as she saw the blood dripping from it. He eyed it and then her as they began circling each other. "Yes, she's so sweet. Almost as sweet as you, Ryan. I don't usually make it a habit of having anyone as old as you, but tonight I'm going to make an exception."

"Over my dead body," Ryan growled.

"Oh, don't worry, my darling. That can be arranged."

She darted in quickly and cut his arm and he shouted in pain and she saw with satisfaction the orange glimmer flickering in the cut, but he whipped his knife out and swiped her across her cheek, not deep, but enough to start the wound bleeding.

A quick glance showed Jody was still pinned to the wall, unconscious by the looks of it. She had to get this guy weakened. She jabbed again, getting him in the side, but he caught her arm and slashed at her, causing blood to drip down to her hand. She darted away again, breaking his grasp.

"Damn it, girl! Come back here and stay still!"

She smirked. "It's a little tougher fighting a trained woman rather than a terrified little girl, isn't it, demon?"

"Raeburn is the name I use," he sneered. "And it matters not. What you wanted most in the world, to give your sweet little flower to Dean Winchester went to me instead."

It almost, almost, stopped her dead, but she caught herself before she shut down. Instead, she narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, well, he's had every piece of me since, so looks like that plan backfired on your sorry ass."

"Oh, but he doesn't _want _you, does he, Ryan? Why, you're no more than a pity fuck, are you? Every demon worth his salt knows of The Great and Powerful Winchesters. But his time is coming to a close. He'll be back with us before you know it and this time, hell won't give him up."

She sliced again and caught him once more and managed to make him stumble. She rushed him and they flipped through the air. He landed on his back and she had the blade at his throat. "What are you talking about?"

He smiled coldly. "Your boyfriend isn't long for this world, sweetie. I've heard things."

"What things?" she demanded as she sliced his arm, first one, then the other.

He chuckled and used his powers to turn the tides so she was under him. "Ah, you are still a sweet piece of ass, Ryan. I can feel you. I can smell you. You're hot for me, aren't you? This fight, seeing me again, it's getting you excited."

She felt the bile rising in her throat as his weight pressed down on her. And what his weight didn't press on her, his power did. She could feel it taking her down again, just as it had before, when she was eleven. She was paralyzed, not just from the fear of what he would do as she felt his hand with the knife traveling down her side, down to her jeans. "One little cut makes you bleed so prettily, Ryan. I remember how your blood was the best lubricant in the world. Oh, how sweet you tore for me. Do you think I could get you to do that for me again? Or do you think you would get excited for me without me having to hurt you so badly, hmm? Would you let me have a piece of you, or do I have to take it?"

"F-f-fuck you," she muttered.

He smiled. "That's what I'm planning."

Just then, they heard "Exorcizamus te omini imundis spiritus, omis."

"No…" he shouted as he turned and Ryan saw Jody kneeling on the floor.

The demon flung Jody across the room, but still, her phone kept going; "Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis iegio, omnis congretatio et secta diabolica…"

Ryan smirked as the demon loosed his hold on her and tried to run over to find Jody's phone.

"Ergo, draco maiedicte, ecciesiam tuam securi tibi facias iiberatate servire, te rogamus!"

The demon fell to his knees just as the black smoke poured from him. Ryan's head fell back to the ground. "Adios, motherfucker," she breathed.

She managed to stand and stumble over to Jody, who was groaning. "Did it work?" Jody asked wearily.

Ryan nodded. "Yes, it did. Thanks."

"No problem," Jody muttered as she attempted to sit. "Next time, let's just start that damn thing playing as we walk into the room, okay?"

Ryan chuckled and helped her friend stand. "Deal."

"You alright?" Jody asked as they stumbled back to the car.

Ryan winced as the cut on her arm tore a bit and she felt it leak a little more. She'd probably have to get Jody to stitch it up. "Yeah, I'll live."

They were silent as they put their gear away in the car. Ryan wrapped a makeshift bandage around her arm and tiredly walked to the driver's side where she flopped down behind the wheel. The guy Raeburn had been riding was dead as soon as he hit the floor, so, at least he didn't have to suffer anymore. The girl he was holding was also dead. They'd already called in an anonymous tip to 911. Raeburn had been sent back to hell, so, that was good. She really hated she couldn't kill him more permanently, but, then, what could they do? She didn't blame Jody for excising the bastard. It needed to be done.

She heard Jody get into the passenger side and Ryan cranked the car. She was about to shift the car into Drive when Jody's hand rested on hers. "Are. You. Okay?"

Ryan blew out a breath and her head fell back onto the seat. "I don't know," she admitted.

"Well, at least you didn't try to bullshit me this time."

"I know you heard everything."

Jody was silent for a moment. "Look, I don't know what he did to you, exactly, back when you were a child, and I really hate I couldn't let you have your payback. But at least he's back in hell where he belongs."

Ryan hadn't realized she was crying until she felt the salt of her tears sting the cut on her cheek. "Yeah, I know, you're right. At least he isn't topside anymore."

"Just makes you wonder where he's been to stay under the radar for how many years since the gates were opened?"

Ryan felt the bile rise in her throat again. "I don't want to think about it."

Jody patted her knee. "Alright then. Let's concentrate on the positive. He's back down south and he won't be getting out anytime soon."

Ryan nodded. "Good." She lifted her head and looked out into the night. "Come on. Let's go back to the room, get cleaned up, and get a good night's sleep. I'm ready to see my kids."

Jody grinned. "Sounds like a plan to me."

Ryan revved the engine, threw the car in Drive, and they sped off down the road.

* * *

**November Twelfth, **

Hope's Ninth birthday was celebrated much the way Bobby's was, though, Tory and Andrea were able to take time out of hunting to join them. The two had effectively become hunting partners, and Ryan was happy for them. Andy was the thinker, Tory was impetuous. Together, they made a great team. And with Tory's vast knowledge of the supernatural, and Andy's knowledge of demons, they were beginning to make a name for themselves.

The week after Hope's birthday, Ryan stopped at the mailbox on their way in from work, school, and daycare. She didn't even look at it when Hope hopped back in the car. They had to eat really quickly, and then go to their Girl Scout meeting. Jody was working the night shift, so that meant Bobby would be joining them at the meeting. Always a fun time. Luckily, they met at the church Ryan went to, so it was easy to let Bobby play in the nursery while Ryan and her co-leader, Dot, worked with the girls. Jody had just shook her head when Ryan had asked if there was a church with a good kids program in it. Jody wasn't much of a churchgoer, but Ryan knew she had been blessed. It was only right to go and pay homage to the Man upstairs for making angels and humans in the first place.

Later that night, after Ryan had gotten the kids into bed, she poured herself a glass of rum, and sat down to rifle through the bills. She looked at the envelopes first, then, she looked at the catalogs, which held no appeal. She didn't want to buy anything. But then…under the oft-neglected Victoria's Secret catalog was a suspicious brown clasp envelope.

She let out a gasp as she picked it up and ripped it open. A large typed manuscript fell out onto the table. Both hands traveled to her mouth as the tears began. She stared at it a moment before one shaking hand moved to flip it over. _The Winchester Gospels. Volume CL. _

A quick math refresher in Roman numerals told her it was Gospel one hundred-fifty and she sobbed her way through Dean and Sam's awkward reunion and the brief flashes of Dean's time in Purgatory as they searched for Kevin. She hadn't realized…if she had known Kevin had been in hiding, she certainly would have gone to find him. She knew a Prophet was important. She didn't sleep that night, she read straight through until the sun began lighting her kitchen and she had to rush to get the kids out the door and ready for their day. But it was worth it. Dean was back from his vacation gone wrong and all was once more right in her world.

* * *

**May Twentieth**

The next few months were quite uneventful. The only case they took was a simple salt and burn two counties over. Ryan took care of it one night while Jody babysat the kids. It was…quiet. Ryan was beginning to enjoy the peace and the solitude living in South Dakota brought.

"I'm so nervous!" Jody exclaimed from inside her closet.

Ryan grinned as she lounged on Jody's bed. "Come on! I think this is great! You totally should do this, Jo!"

Jody popped her head out and glared at Ryan. "Yeah, but…a blind date?! Seriously!?"

Ryan couldn't contain the giggle. "Yeah, well, I think it's brilliant, Jody. Seriously. You're a beautiful woman. You need a man. Go get laid."

"Pffft, 'get laid' she says! Says the woman who's only ever had sex with one man in her life!"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "My sex life is tied up with a heavenly promise, Jody and I've deduced the fact that I'm demisexual. I have to have that strong emotional connection. But you aren't. Go out there and be like Andy or Tory. Live it up. Get a nice piece of ass. What did you say his name was?"

"Roderick," Jody commented as she walked out in her underthings. "Is this dress good?" she asked as she held it up for inspection.

Ryan smiled and clapped her hands. "It's perfect! You're gorgeous."

"I'm too old for this shit," Jody muttered as she slipped the dress on.

Ryan stood and walked over to her friend, giving her a hug. "No, you aren't. This is good, Jody. You deserve some happiness in your life."

"What about you, Ryan?"

Ryan scoffed. "What about me? I've got you. I've got the kids, I've got the restaurant…"

"But you're missing one very vital piece of you, Ryan. You're missing half of you, at least."

Ryan's brows knit. "What are you…?"

Jody put her hands on Ryan's shoulders. "Look. I don't know Dean really well, but I know you, Ryan. He may not even realize it, but you're his soul mate."

Ryan rolled her eyes.

"Stop it and hear me out. This angel business happened for a reason. Those cupids are real, right? What makes you think one didn't poke you in the ass a long time ago?"

"Maybe his shot missed Dean," Ryan stated sadly. _Soul mate? Really, Jody? I didn't peg you for such a romantic. _

Jody's eyes narrowed. "Maybe it did. But it doesn't change things for you. You aren't your whole self, Ryan, not without Dean."

Ryan sucked in a breath and collapsed back onto the bed. "It doesn't matter, anyway. He's not here, he never will be. I think…I think Gabriel almost felt bad about it, by the time he got to know me. Like, he realized this was a burden, you know?"

Jody nodded and sat next to Ryan, grasping her hand.

"But I don't look at it as a burden, Jody, I swear I don't. These kids…this life Gabriel has given me? It's more, it is so much more than I ever thought I'd have. So…you can feel sorry for me, that's fine, but I don't. And being only half of me? Well, it's more than I've had since I was eleven years old. So…I don't regret it, not one bit."

Jody smiled and hugged her. "Good. I just wish…"

Ryan smirked. "You know what my daddy always used to say?" she stated, interrupting her friend.

Jody shot her a wary look. "What?"

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up faster."

Jody glared at her a moment before she burst out in laughter. "You're crazy, Ryan."

Ryan grinned ruefully. "I know." She stood and walked over to Jody's small jewelry collection. "Now, get dressed. Let me help you pick out accessories."

A few hours later, Bobby was down for the night and the TV was on to a rerun of Doctor Who. "I like this one," Hope commented as she tossed some popcorn in her mouth.

Ryan laughed and hugged her daughter tight to her side. "Yeah, me too."

"I still say Ten is the best doctor."

Ryan rolled her eyes as she drank a sip of her milkshake. They had made milkshakes and popcorn as a special treat that night. "I know, I know. Ten is good, but Nine will always be my favorite."

Hope looked at the TV where Eleven was currently walking toward the pond where an Astronaut was coming out of it. "Well, at least we can agree on one thing…"

They looked at one another and chorused, "River is awesome." Both of them dissolved into a fit of giggles.

A moment later, Ryan's cell phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and grinned. "It's Jody."

"Oh! I hope this guy was nice. Aunt Jody is awesome. She deserves some happy in her life."

"I couldn't agree more, kid," Ryan murmured as she punched the button. "Jody?"

"Hey, uh, Ryan? I need your help."

Ryan's spidey-senses began tingling as she stood. "What is it, Jody?"

"I'm…I'm not really sure. Can you…?"

"Of course! Where are you?" Ryan asked as she moved to the door where her purse was. She slid her feet into her boots and laced them quickly.

"Beefeaters."

Ryan nodded. It was one of the nicest restaurants in town. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I just…can you come get me?"

Ryan began searching her purse for her keys. "Of course."

"I'm…I'm in the bathroom…"

Ryan stopped. If Jody was in the bathroom, something happened. What? "Okay. Give me ten, eight if I don't get stopped by Frank. He's on duty tonight, right?" Ryan joked lightly as fear slid up her spine.

"Y-Yes. The kids…"

"Don't worry about the kids. They're fine. I'll be right there." She slid her phone into her back pocket and looked at Hope's worried face. "Something's wrong with Jody. I'll be right back. Go, get the sawed-off, just in case. You'll be fine. There's nothing supernatural, okay?" Ryan wasn't one hundred percent certain of that, but there was no need to worry the kid. "Go on and get the silver knife, too. Sit it and the phone next to you. I'll lock the door. You stay here until I get back, okay? Look after your brother. He shouldn't wake up."

"Mama…"

Ryan walked back to her daughter. "You're nine years old, Hopey. You can sit here by yourself with your sleeping brother while I run over to get Jody. She sounded a little tipsy. Maybe she drank too much wine. I just want you to be safe, alright?"

Hope swallowed hard and bit her lip before she nodded. "Okay, Mama."

Ryan smiled softly and hugged her daughter. "You'll be fine. I promise. I'll be right back, okay?"

"O-okay."

Ryan ran out the door, shutting it behind her, and dashed to Demon. She drove to town with the pedal to the metal the whole way and arrived at the restaurant in record time.

She didn't speak to anyone as she ran in, looking more than a little crazy, she felt sure, in ripped jeans, her Led Zepplin tee-shirt, her plaid overshirt which was too big, and leather jacket she managed to grab out of the back seat of the car. She marched straight to the Ladies Room and barged in. She gasped as she saw Jody propped up against the wall, small blood splatters on the floor surrounding her. "God, Jody. What the fuck happened?"

Jody coughed and Ryan noticed she had some blood around her mouth too. Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Hex bag," she muttered under her breath. Who would want to hex Jody?

"I don't know, Ryan. I thought I was dead. I should be dead. Why am I not dead?"

Ryan saw Jody's purse spilled on the floor and sank to her knees to rifle through the debris. She found the hex bag easily enough and her eyes widened. "This should have worked. Whoever was working the spell must have called it off."

"What? Spell? Who…?" Just then, Jody's cell phone rang and she answered it immediately. "Hello?" Ryan watched as Jody's eyes widened in surprise. "Dean?"

Ryan's own eyes widened. _What are you two doing? _She knew Sam was undertaking the trials to shut the gates of Hell forever. Part of her was trepidatious about the whole thing, but the rest of her was more than a little eager for the gates to be sealed. If the gates were sealed, Raeburn couldn't slither his evil ass out of Hell again.

"Yeah, okay," Ryan heard Jody say. "Thanks, Dean. Yeah, I'm okay. I've got a friend picking me up." She laughed flatly. "I promise." She dropped her phone back onto the floor and looked at Ryan. "You are never going to believe this."

Ryan just looked at her. "What?"

"That was Dean."

"So I gathered."

"My date? The guy I really actually thought I had a shot with? The perfectly hot, perfectly nice, sexy Roderick? He was Crowley."

Ryan's eyes widened, her mouth fell open and she shook her head. "No…Jody!"

Jody nodded. "Apparently he doesn't like something the boys are doing and he decided to use me for leverage."

"Oh, God, Jody…"

Jody blew out a breath. "I knew he was too good to be true. Damn it. Maybe I should play for the other team."

Ryan laughed as a tear ran down her face for her friend. "I don't know, I'm sure there are more than a few evil women out there, too, Jody. Don't give up."

"You know," Jody managed as she attempted to stand. Ryan wordlessly got to her feet and offered a hand, which Jody declined. "I think I might just take a little vacation from dating for a while. Best not to jump back onto that bucking bronco thinking it's just a little colt, right?"

Ryan nodded. "I guess you're right."

"I hate to sound like such a girl, Ryan, but do you think I could stay with you tonight? Just on the off chance…I mean…You live inside an iron box…"

Ryan smiled softly as she put an arm around her friend. "Of course, Jody. You know it."

* * *

**September Nineteenth**

Jody didn't go on any more dates. She joined Ryan's church the next week saying clearly she needed some religion. Ryan didn't judge. She'd seen enough crap in her lifetime to warrant needing a front row pew at Sunday services. Jody also didn't mention Dean or Sam again until she came up to Ryan at the diner months later and said, "I've got a case."

"What is it?" Ryan asked as she twisted her hair up off her neck. It was a warm day for it to be September in South Dakota. Usually it had started getting a bit cooler by now, but Ryan felt like she was melting as she helped buss tables.

"I don't know. And you know I don't like not knowing."

"You want help?"

Jody's nose twitched. "Honestly? I think I need to call the boys in."

Ryan's hand stilled where she had been wrapping silverware in napkins. "What?"

Jody winced. "Well, it's just…I don't want to waste anymore time and I know you've got that Girl Scout thing with Hope you can't miss this weekend."

Ryan sighed. It was true. She'd had to turn down two cases and pass them on to some fellow hunters over the last few months and she had adamantly stated that the hunting wouldn't detract from her children or their childhoods, well, no more than the knowledge they carried, that was.

"Are you okay with that?" Jody was asking.

Ryan swallowed hard. She hadn't heard anything about Dean or Sam since the day the angels fell. The Winchester Gospels she had received a few days before heaven shut down for good had left her dying to know more, but afraid to find out. She didn't need The Gospels to know there was trouble in the world. There was a whole lot of weird shit happening, she just couldn't do a damn thing about it. "Have you talked to them? They're okay?"

"Yes, they're both fine as far as I know. I called and spoke to Dean. They're coming up and going with me to figure out why these mysterious deaths are happening."

Ryan took a stuttering breath. She _would _be out of town, taking Hope camping. And Bobby would be staying at her house with a sitter while she was gone, so that was good. "Jody, I hate to ask, but, can-can you keep them away from here? I'm not sure I'm ready and even if I were to be home, if I stumbled into Dean…"

Jody nodded with a sympathetic look on her face. "You're going out of town, it will be fine. Don't worry. You know I love ya like a sister, Ryan. I'll keep you and the kids safe."

Ryan took another breath to calm herself. "O-Okay, thanks, Jody."

Jody smiled and hugged her. "Keep an eye on the town, will ya? I'd hate to come back and the whole thing had gone to Hell in a hand basket."

Ryan laughed, relieved that Jody was so understanding of the situation. "I promise, it's safe with me."

"Good. See you in a few days, Ryan."

Ryan watched her go with a sense of trepidation.

The next few days, Ryan stayed on high alert. She packed hunting gear, smuggled in her hefty backpack as she and the Girl Scout troop went to the campground and she called home to check on Bobby more times than she could count. Luckily, the babysitter, Renee, who was one of Bobby's 'teachers' at the day care, knew Ryan was a worrier and had no problems answering Ryan's questions every time she called in.

Ryan breathed in a sigh of relief as the last girl was picked up on Sunday afternoon. "Mama? Are you alright?" Hope asked as Ryan climbed back into the SUV.

"Yeah, munchkin, why?"

Hope shrugged. "I don't know…you just seemed on edge this weekend."

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. "Yeah, well, I just don't like the idea of leaving Bobby alone. I know when I go hunting, you're there to protect him. When both of us are gone, and the Sheriff is out of town, he's got no one to guard him from the supernatural, you know?" It _was _a valid concern, but she had felt confident enough no demons could get through her wardings, and she'd had the house purified, so there were no ghosts or specters that should be coming. Monsters, like werewolves and vampires were always an issue, but they hadn't had any around in months, so she felt safe enough leaving him behind, but she was still glad to be going home. She couldn't wait to talk to Jody, who had texted and said she would come by later in the evening.

"He's safe enough, though, Mom."

Ryan smiled. "I know. I'm just a worrier. That's my job, to worry about you and Bobby."

Hope smiled and reached over to hug her mom. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, sweetness. Now, let's go home and take a hot shower. Sound good?"

Hope wrinkled her nose. "Yeah. And I think we need to talk about being clean at scouts next time, Mommy. Some of the girls really need to start using deodorant."

Ryan looked at her daughter a moment before she burst out in laughter. She wiped a laughter tear from her eye and nodded. "Duly noted, Hope. I'll remind everyone of that for the next camping trip."

They were in high spirits as they arrived home, and Bobby was thrilled to see them. At two, he wasn't as verbal as Hope. He honestly didn't seem to care about talking. He had yet to say more than Ma or Da when prompted, but the doctors didn't seem concerned. He was doing everything else. He was a normal little boy, for the most part. He sucked his thumb, which was the cutest thing ever, in Ryan's opinion, and he loved his sock monkey stuffed animal he had to carry around with him everywhere. And he was a climber. He hadn't quite figured out how to climb out of his crib, yet, but Ryan knew it was only a matter of time before he would be in a regular bed.

After showers, and a dinner of some sandwiches and chips in which Hope fell asleep at the table, Ryan put both the kids to bed early and settled down on the couch with a glass of rum and Coke and a rerun of Doctor Sexy M.D. She hated to admit she still watched the show, but she couldn't help herself. It was mindless entertainment, but it worked.

Her phone beeped with a text message and she glanced at it. Jody. _You home? _

She fired one back quickly. _Yup. Got booze, too. _

_Be over in 5, _came the reply.

Ryan smiled and grabbed the bottle, another glass, and another can of Coke. She heard Jody's car in the driveway and walked to open the door. She saw Jody approaching and her eyebrow shot up. "What happened to you?" she asked as she noticed Jody's arm in a sling.

Jody blew out a breath. "Is it mandatory to get hurt every time you hunt with The Winchesters?"

Ryan thought back to her last hunt with them, the vampire cure, Dean, and smiled. "Yup."

"Okay, good. I didn't want to be weird or anything."

"You want to talk about it?"

"After booze."

"You got it. Want to just stay here tonight?"

Jody smiled. "The townsfolk already think we're gay. Might as well breed some more speculation."

Ryan laughed at that. It was true. She'd heard more than one rumor floating around about the two of them. She supposed, to the outsider, it would look strange. Ryan moves to town without a man, the two of them went off together quite often…it was curious, she could admit that. "Well, you know what they say; 'it ain't a true friendship until there's a rumor going around you're gay for each other'."

Jody just looked at her. "I can honestly say I've never heard that one before."

Ryan shrugged. "First time for everything, Jod."

* * *

**AN2: So...episode 3 was KICK ASS. My heart was in my throat the whole time. Man! I'm sorry to sea Demon!Dean go, but at the same time, I'm so glad Dean and Sam are together. Gah. I can't wait for this week so we can see how they interact with each other. The things Demon!Dean was spewing at poor Sam...i was in a funk for hours after seeing the extended preview, so I could handle it a little better during the actual show. I loved Crowley giving Cas some stolen mojo. Clearly he wanted Cas to fix Dean. Of course, it was Sam that fixed Dean, Cas just happened to come in at the end there...damn. That hug. Okay, I do NOT ship Destiel, but I swear, somebody on that show wants them to be a thing. Because all I could think of was being in the middle of that Holy Hell sandwich. I mean...unghf. Maybe I'll write a little ditty about that. We'll see. So, I loved seeing those sweet green eyes. And, Damn! Jensen is just...man, knock it out of the fucking park! Dude should get an oscar. Seriously. He's way more talented than half of the A lister's in Hollywood! Geez. Okay, I think I'm about done. Exceptional chapter of the show, loved the episode. All four of our series regulars shined this week. I won't drone on and on, but I loved it. Until next week...thanks for tuning in! **

**Love, Me**


	16. Heartbreaker

**Dislcaimer: I don't own Supernatural. If I did, we would have seen a lot more of Demon Dean (hence my need to write this story)**

**Note: I had to change the timeline in chapter five because I forgot about the year Dean was in Purgatory. Oops. So, Bobby is two, which you already know because you read the previous chapter. LOL. **

**AN: Hi! I see I have a few new followers! Welcome! I'm glad you're enjoying! **

**TRIGGER WARNING: Brief mentions of rape/torture. Very brief. I won't be covering Ryan's POV of her telling Dean, but it is mentioned. **

* * *

**March Twenty-Seventh (Ryan's point of view of chapter five)**

Ryan was just putting a load of clothes in the dryer when she got a phone call from Jody. "I've got to run out of town on business," Jody's voice was hurried and Ryan's hunter's senses tingled.

"Job?" Ryan asked nonchalantly as she walked back into the front room and eyed the baby playing on the floor. Hope was over at a friend's house, so she wasn't worried about her oldest child at the moment.

"Afraid so. Vampires."

"Fuck," Ryan muttered under her breath. "You need me to come with?" Her mind started planning the trip, what supplies they would need, if she could find a babysitter…

"No, I've, uh, I've got help."

She was dying to ask if it was The Winchesters who were helping her, but instead, she asked quietly, "You okay?" She had heard the sheriff was going to her cabin for a few days, and thinking nothing of it, hadn't called to check on Jody. She kind of hated that now.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle. Listen, just…keep an eye on town, alright? Be on alert, just in case." Ryan heard a man's voice and Jody said into the phone, "Gotta go. I'll call you later."

"Be safe, Jody," Ryan implored as the line went dead. She blinked and took in a breath. She was almost one hundred percent certain the man she heard was Sam Winchester. She closed her eyes, willing some strength into her body. _You can do this. So what if they come to visit, right? It's all good…_she didn't believe it, but it sounded good in her head.

She grabbed the baby from the floor and looked at the clock. "Come on, Bobby. Let's go get Hope and get you guys safe."

Hope hadn't been thrilled to leave her friend's house, but when Ryan had whispered why she was coming to get her, Hope's eyes grew wide and she quickly gathered her things and said goodbye to her friend.

"Mama, is Aunt Jody going to be okay?" Hope asked when they were in the car on the way back home.

"Sure, sweetie. And they've got the vamps on the run, so don't worry about her."

"Who is with her?"

Ryan shrugged because she wasn't one hundred percent sure _who _was helping Jody, though she was fairly confident in the answer, but she just remained quiet. Hope had taken to asking more and more about Dean as well as her Uncle Sammy, and had a picture of the two men she kept under her pillow. Ryan had also taken to showing Bobby pictures of Dean and talking about him. She wanted the kids to know everything she could think of about their family, so she eagerly shared everything she knew, not only from The Gospels that had stopped coming shortly before the angels fell, but from her own memories and the stories she'd heard from fellow hunters.

They made their way back to the house and Ryan got them locked in safe with the machete strapped on her side, just in case. They ate a tense dinner and got Bobby to bed without incident. Ryan had full intensions of keeping Hope out of school the next day when she heard her phone beep with a text. _All secure. The nest is dead. Coming back now. Relax. We got them all. _

Ryan blew out a breath and showed the text to Hope. "It's all good, sweetie. She's fine, and they're all dead."

Hope's eyes grew wide before she gave her mom a big hug. "Good. So I can go to school tomorrow?"

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, absolutely."

"Good. I've got a science test I didn't want to miss." She gave her mom a kiss then dashed up the stairs to get ready for bed.

The next day passed peacefully enough. She figured Hope might still be a bit spooked, but she didn't have a nightmare, and she hopped out of the car eagerly enough, blowing kisses to Ryan and Bobby, who giggled at his sister's antics. Ryan dropped him off at daycare and felt the world was going to revolve as usual. How wrong she was.

It was afternoon when she heard, "Boss! Jody sent somebody!"

Ryan's mouth went dry. _Jody wouldn't…would she? _She walked out into the dining area and stopped dead as she saw Sam and the back of Dean's head. _Fuck._ She plastered a smile on her face, calmed her racing heart, and as she walked over, heard Dean say, "Maybe she's hooking up with the owner."

She smirked. She had heard rumors about her and Jody's relationship and its greatly exaggerated status. "Nah, I don't swing that way," she told him as she sidled up behind him.

He whipped around and his eyes grew wide. "Ryan?"

She smiled. God help her, he was just as gorgeous as the last time she saw him. His eyes were sadder, though, more world weary than they had been just two, no, three years before. She cast a glance at Sam, who was looking at her with surprise. "Hey, Winchesters! What are you two doing in my neck of the woods?"

Both men stood to hug her. She hugged Sam quickly enough, but Dean, she held onto for just a moment. She hadn't known what had happened to either of them for months. Not receiving The Gospels had almost driven her crazy. She had come to rely on their adventures to know about their health status.

"Your neck of the woods? Since when?" Dean inquired.

Her eyes met his gorgeous green ones and it was as if he could see right into her. _I love you, you bastard. Can't you see that? _But she didn't let him go as she said, "Since last year. What are ya'll doing up here?"

"We just helped Jody with a…case."

She frowned as she released Dean and he sat. Jody was going to pay for this, for sending them her way, even though she felt the thrill of being with them stir within her as she sat down next to Dean. Their legs were touching and she had to bite back a moan at the fact. "Jody called me, told me to keep an eye on town. I guess I know why, now. Did she get back?" She had to make it seem like she didn't know anything. It was easier that way.

Sam nodded. "Yes, she's at her family's cabin with…a guest."

Ryan's eyebrows rose. _Jody, what have you gotten yourself into now? _"Will I need to carry anything with me when I go visit her at the cabin?" she asked warily. Leave it to Jody to bring home a stray.

Dean chuckled. "Not that kind of guest. She's recovering from the cure."

Ryan's eyes grew wide and she smirked. "And I take it we aren't talking about the 1970's rock band The Cure, are we?"

Dean turned just slightly and propped himself against the wall so he could look at her as he grinned, but she noticed he didn't relinquish the amount of touching he was doing as he shifted so his thigh, knee, and part of his calf touched her leg. "Nah, afraid not. Let's just say the kid's a new member of the 'F.I.N.E.' club."

Ryan let out a sigh. _Naturally. _"Yeah, we collect them, don't we? We either belong in the club, or help others who do."

"I think she'll keep this one. Teenage girl, no family…I think she and Jody bonded," Sam stated.

Ryan smiled despite herself. "Good. I'm glad. Jody's so wonderful. I've tried to talk her into going out on more dates, but, well, she said she had a bad experience…" She had heard all about Crowley that night after getting a few drinks into Jody and apparently it had been quite an experience. One she hadn't been inclined to repeat, Ryan supposed. Wasn't that why she went to church with Ryan every Sunday?

Dean snorted. "You could say that."

Ryan chuckled flatly. It wasn't funny, when Jody called her to come get her, seeing her friend on the floor of that bathroom…well, at least they cared enough to call and check on Jody. That was good. "Yeah, she told me about Mr. The King and their disaster. The sad thing is, I think she kinda liked him."

Dean's eyebrow shot up. "You met Crowley yet?"

She shivered, just slightly. The demons had been bad lately. She'd gone with Andy and Tory a few times recently while Jody stayed at Ryan's house so she could help with exorcisms and killing the creatures. This Abaddon/Crowley debate was heating up and it was a sad day when Ryan had to admit Crowley was the lesser of the two evils. She'd heard through the hunter's grapevine quite a few things regarding demons and the Winchesters, though. She didn't like the idea of them mixing it up with demons at all. "No, I, uh, I try to stay away from…" she cleared her throat. "Let's just say black eyes and I still don't mix."

"You haven't had any run-ins lately, have you?" he asked gently.

She shook her head. No need to worry him. "Nah, I've been demon free for a while now. I think you boys are keeping them busy. It's just the monsters I deal with on a semi-regular basis. Werewolves, vampires," she paused, "Thanks for leaving me the recipe for the cure, by the way."

She caught Sam staring at Dean and he shrugged. "Figured a fellow hunter might need it. You haven't had to use it, have you?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Actually, I haven't seen any vamps in a while now. Jody and I have taken care of a few things; a wraith in Montana, a shifter in North Dakota, not much. Last werewolf I saw was about a year or so ago." And she just barely managed to hold in the shiver as she thought about that encounter.

"Impressive." She had hoped he would drop it, but she forgot, he knew her better than she thought and he followed up with, "You get hurt lately?"

She shrugged. He didn't need to know anything about it. "Broken leg. Nothing I couldn't handle."

Dean smiled. "Always the bad ass."

She chuckled slightly. _If only you knew what a fucking coward I am…_ "I have to be to keep up with The Winchester Boys. My rep's important to me." Like her rep was the biggest thing on her fucking plate, anyway. She had new stuff to deal with. She glanced at the clock. She had a little time before Hope got off the bus from school. No way was she telling Dean about the kids right here, right now. "Say, you guys want something to eat, right? Dean, you still like a heart attack on a plate?"

He grinned. "You know it."

"Sam, you still a health nut?"

Sam shrugged. "You could say that."

"Mig!" she called to Miguel, the cook. "Gimme a Double Cheeseburger, extra pig, side of cheese fries and a Veggie Deluxe with a side salad!"

"Onion?" Dean asked hopefully.

Honestly, she wouldn't have thought about it, had he not mentioned it, but, since when could she pass up the opportunity to bust his balls? "Mig! Hold the onion on the double!" She gave him a wink. "Onion breath is so out this season."

Sam chuckled from across the table and she had to hold in a giggle at Dean's pout.

"What about you? You hungry?" Dean wanted to know.

She smirked. Oh my God…all he had to do was be in her damn presence to make her want to drop her panties. Fucking hell. "Oh, not for food," she heard herself say. _Shit! Abort! Abort! _her brain screamed but then fell silent as Dean smiled.

To save herself from further embarrassment, she went to the counter and snagged them some drinks, but not before stopping to say a word to Old Mr. Daniels, who loved to come in and chat. She also stopped and handed Sheila Jackson's grandson a napkin for the ketchup running down his chin before she brought their drinks back along with herself a glass of water. She was calmer now, more centered, in control of her libido and her raging thoughts, though, she still wished like hell the water was a fucking bottle of vodka. Vodka made her sleepy and messed her up royally, but it was better than this…whatever this was. She sat down once again next to Dean just as Bo brought the boys' food.

"Thanks, Bo," she said with a wink to the kid, who smiled at her. Bo was such a sweetie, she was glad she snagged him up. He was finally becoming his own person. When he'd arrived in town, it was with the chip on his shoulder thanks to his dumbass father and meek mother. It had taken some time, love, and tenderness from her as well as Jody for him to open up to not only her, but everyone in town. Now, all her customers loved him and he was a real sweetheart. He had taken on such a leadership role recently, too, and despite his fashion choices, he was a reliable guy. A few months before, she had given him the apartment out back since it was just gathering dust and he stayed there in lieu of rent by keeping the place up as well as closing for her most days so she could make it home in time to be with her kids for a while.

"What's up with his hair?" Dean asked as he snagged a fry.

She felt the need to defend Bo immediately. He was practically family now. "He's…figuring out who he is. I don't care. He's sweet. And you will _not _make fun of him, Dean Winchester, even if he does look like his mama had an affair with a parrot, okay?" It was a running joke between her and Bo, one that caused him to relax around her immediately when she'd shown her playful attitude to him. The two of them were thick as thieves now. After all, you go get a tattoo with someone, you become close.

Dean looked at her for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Okay, okay! I promise!"

She smiled as Dean eyed the giant cheeseburger and took a bite. "This is great," he murmured with his mouth half full.

She couldn't help the giggle as she stated sarcastically, "So glad I could be of service."

He swallowed down a large gulp of soda. "So, how did you end up here of all places?"

She smiled and shrugged. "I've visited here a handful of times. When I felt like I was ready to put down some roots, I figured it was as good a place as any. So, I took some money out of my investments, bought this place, put my MBA to good use, and boom, that's it." She grinned. "Besides, I heard the local sheriff was a quasi-hunter. I figured if I wanted to get into trouble, being near her was an excellent place to do it."

"She's making a name for herself, isn't she?" Sam commented about Jody.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, she is. But she's good. I haven't enjoyed hunting with anyone quite like I've enjoyed hunting with Jody." It was true, too. Where hunting with Tory and Andy was enjoyable, fun, even, Jody really, genuinely cared about her and worried about her safety, not just the hunt. It was…it was nice.

"You said you two have gone hunting, care to share some stories?" Sam asked with a grin as he chowed down on his veggie burger.

She shrugged and smiled. "Same old, same old, what about you?"

Sam shrugged. "Demons and Angels seem to be our specialties lately." He paused, took a sip of his drink, then asked, "Have you run into any angels?"

She thought a moment, then shook her head. "No. I stick to monsters, mostly."

"Angels are monsters, don't let them fool you," Dean spat.

Her eyebrow rose. "I'm sure they aren't all that way."

"Most of them," he countered.

She chuckled. Well, he'd had a bad deal all around with angels, hadn't he? Even her own friendly angel was a dick to the two sitting with her. "Yeah, well, the same could be said for humans."

"I've said it before and I say it again, Monsters and demons I get. People are crazy."

She laughed. "Ain't that the truth?"

"Speaking of monsters, and strange ones, at that, you ever heard of a Pishtaco?"

"A Peruvian Fatsucker? Sure." She had hunted one with Riana while they were in South America together. Man, that had been forever ago. Last she'd heard, Riana had died in a boating accident that wasn't an accident at all, but she hadn't been in a place to do anything about it. Too many people she knew had died.

Dean blinked. "You have?"

She rolled her eyes before she looked at him again. _Do they not do research? _"Of course. Haven't you?"

"Well, no, actually," Sam countered.

"Where did _you_ hear of one?" Dean wanted to know.

"When I was _in _Peru," she stated, and the "duh" was most definitely implied.

"When were you in Peru?"

She grinned. _What did he think I did on my own? Sit and pine for him before I decided to hunt? _Not that it was that far off the mark, but…"Dean, what the hell did you think I did during those five years between college and New Orleans? I traveled and found out about monsters."

"You traveled internationally?" Sam inquired, interest clear in his voice.

She nodded. "Yeah, well, I traipsed around Mexico, South America, and Canada, in any case. Dude, you should see some of the weird shit they have in Canada. It's crazy. I hooked up with this one hunter, he showed me about a few of the local monsters. Fascinating, really."

"What else did you see?"

She thought a moment. That had been forever ago. "Well, I didn't _see _much, actually. I didn't get to do a lot of hunting, but I figured if I got the lore down, it would make things easier if I ran up on anything. To be honest, I'd found a nice little place in Brazil while I was down there, and a hunting partner, to boot. I actually hadn't planned on staying in the U.S. until after New Orleans." It was true. Had it not been for Bobby calling her back home for that case, then, meeting up with Dean in New Orleans, then Hope…

"Why did you stay?" Dean asked softly.

She couldn't let him see her cry, so she shrugged. "Just…it seemed like the thing to do."

Sam seemed oblivious to her feelings at the moment, for which she was thankful for, and asked her. "So, since you've traveled so much, I bet you've got one hell of a hunter's journal."

At that, she smirked. Damn straight she had a hell of a hunter's journal. Of course, The Winchester Gospels helped fill in the details a bit with monsters she had yet to encounter. "Sort of. I've gone digital. I've added it all into my computer program."

"You know a lot about computers?"

She chuckled and shook her head. She might have an MBA, but that didn't mean she knew much about computers. "Nah, not really. I've got rudimentary skills at best, but I can work a mean Excel spreadsheet. I had a friend make me up something. I can get you a copy of it, if you like. It's the monsters, what kills them, their weaknesses…I put a lot of time and effort into it. Frank was fairly patient with me." Which was a surprise. Frank was less than a patient man.

"Frank Devereaux?"

She nodded.

"He's dead," Dean told her, coldly. She didn't miss the glare Sam sent his way.

She knew, from the Gospels, but it hadn't surprised her anyway. Frank toed that line too well. Of course he was going to get ganked by Leviathans. For a conspiracy theorist, he sure played it loose and fast with his own life. He thought he was hiding, but no one could have hidden from Dick Roman. "I know. Well, I figured he was. Leviathans, right?"

Dean nodded.

She blew out a breath. It was still a shame to see him die. There were so many people in and on the outskirts of the hunting community that had died. "He was afraid that would happen. Paranoid bastard that he was."

They were all silent for a few moments before she asked, "Say, have you two heard from Garth lately? I've tried his number like, a million times, and can't get him."

Sam looked at Dean, who wiped his mouth. "Yeah, uh, about that…" he quickly and quietly told her about finding Garth in a werewolf pack in Wisconsin.

She blinked. Garth…sweet, innocent Garth was a _werewolf? _A fucking lycanthrope? No…not…Dean continued his tale to the end and she sat there in silence. "And you let him _live_?" she hissed.

"Whoa," Dean muttered. "Chill, Ryan. Yeah, he's wolfed out, but he's not evil. He's Garth for fuck's sake. Kid couldn't kill a human if he tried."

She shot him a look. _A werewolf almost killed me and both your kids! _she wanted to scream at him. Instead, she tried to remain aloof. "I half trained him, Dean, I know exactly what Garth is capable of. Are you _sure _he's okay?"

"We wouldn't have left him there if he wasn't," Sam said softly. "Look, trust us, don't trust us, whatever, but we did what was best. Occasionally, there _are _friendly monsters."

She snorted. She had yet to meet one. "Next thing you'll be telling me is there are friendly demons, too."

At that, both men winced and she knew why. Meg. Crowley. They weren't friendly with them, but they worked with them on occasion. It made her want to bash both their heads in. She sighed. "Alright, I'll trust you, but if I get the chance to talk to him, I'm going to beat his scrawny ass for not calling me and telling me what's up. I could have helped him, you know."

"There's no cure for lycanthropy, believe me, we've looked," Sam told her.

Her heart went out to him. He had developed feelings for the girl that had turned into a werewolf on his watch. So it was a sad, crooked smile as she answered Sam, "Well, I wouldn't have believed there was a cure for vampirism, either, and ya'll proved me wrong."

"You know, we could take a stab back through the Men of Letters files, see if anything pops up…" Sam began.

"Men of Letters?" Ryan asked as she absentmindedly began weaving a slow spiral of doodles on Dean's leg. She really was quite interested to learn more about the Men of Letters. The Gospels hadn't given her nearly enough information. She felt Dean stiffen next to her and she smiled with the corner of her mouth. He sent a glare in her direction, but her smile only grew as she listened to Sam tell about how they were legacies to the Men of Letters.

"That's so fascinating!" she enthused. It really was. Hope and Bobby would both be legacies. Maybe that was what Gabriel wanted her to have the children for. It was something to think about. It had crossed her mind briefly before, but hearing Sam talk about it excited her. That wasn't the only thing that was exciting her. Her hand continued its travels moving further on Dean's leg, toward his crotch. She heard his breath catch as her pinky brushed his erection and his hand clamped over hers.

She sat a little straighter, cleared her throat, and smirked. _Game, set, match, Dean. _

She could just imagine what he was thinking and that made her all the more excited. She was playing with fire. Oh, how she loved the sweet torture of it. It was better than the high of the hunt, better than the high of getting a tattoo, better than the high she'd felt when she'd taken drugs in high school, no, this was something she was reveling in.

"You get a lot of hunters around here?" Sam was asking Ryan.

She shrugged, though her hand was still firmly in Dean's. "We get a few coming through here, they stop and talk to Jody, talk to me, but most of them know I'm not in the game much anymore. I do offer suggestions, which is why they come, or call, I have quite a few calls now. Makes work complicated on occasion, I tell ya. Not many people study the lore as much as I do. I've got an extensive library back at my house in addition to my computer system. No one knows where I live, though. It isn't safe."

She felt Dean's hand tightened on hers. She flipped hers so it was palm up and laced her fingers through his and squeezed it back. "Why?" he wanted to know.

Before she could answer, the door opening caught her eye and she wrenched her hand from his grasp. _Shit! How did I lose track of time? _She glared up at the clock before she remembered…the older kids were getting out early today because the younger grades were having a play this afternoon and if they chose to, as well as had a signed note from their parents, Third, Fourth, and Fifth Grade students got to leave an hour ahead of everyone else. _Fucking hell! _

Hope came trudging through the door, calling out a hello to Mavis and Richard, two of the regulars, before she basically dragged herself over to Ryan, pulled up a chair, dumped her backpack loudly on the floor, and plopped herself down next to her mother. "WHY do we have to do spelling tests? I mean, really? What exactly is the point of learning to spell? In this day and age, won't we just use spell-check on all our phones and stuff, anyway?!"

Ryan was holding in a chuckle, she couldn't help it. Hope was such a drama queen. Ryan couldn't _begin _to imagine where she had gotten that from. Hope sighed again as she laid her head on Ryan's shoulder and Ryan automatically began rubbing the girl's arm and pressed a kiss to her hair. "I take it the test didn't go well?"

"Eighty-five," the girl stated glumly. "And I studied _really hard_, honest I did."

"I believe you, Hope." Ryan soothed as she squeezed the little girl harder. _My poor baby. You've had a rough day and it's about to get rougher. _"It's fine. Hey, that's not so bad."

"I know, I just…you said I had to get a ninety and I didn't and…"

Ryan cut her off. "We'll figure it out. Don't worry about that right now, okay? Just enjoy the rest of your day off school." She bit her lip, then said, "Hopey, uh, I've got company," Ryan chided softly. _Come on, go away, sweetie. Don't make me do this here…_she was bordering on panic, terrified of how the meeting would go.

Hope eyed the two men and Ryan could see the exact moment recognition dawned in Hope's eyes. _Baby, I'm so sorry…if I had known, I swear I would have prepared you. Don't worry, I'll kill Aunt Jody later…_She waited with bated breath before the kid's jaw set, and she said coolly. "So I see. So, uh, can I snag a piece of pie, or…"

_Holy shit. She's definitely a better actress than I gave her credit for. Damn. If it didn't hurt so much, I'd be impressed. _It was then she realized what Hope had asked. "Hope…" Ryan warned. She didn't let the girl eat pie every day, though she was enough like Dean that she would do that very thing. How was it the girl who had never met her father acted so much like him? It was eerie, that's what it was.

Hope sighed. "I mean, after the day I've had, Mom, I really just need some pie and a tall glass of milk, okay?"

Dean's eyes grew wide. "Mom?"

_Fucking hell,_ she thought again._ Damn it all. _Ryan took a deep breath, blew it out, set her jaw, and put on a smile. "Yeah, Hope, go get some pie. Bring back another slice when you come, alright?"

Hope looked at the guys again. "Ya'll want some pie, too? Mom makes the best! We got cherry and peach and pecan and, you got any lemon meringue left?"

Ryan chuckled and tapped the girl's nose. The kid loved her lemon meringue pie. "Yes, we have lemon, and I'm sure someone at this table would like a piece of pecan. Make it ala mode, will you?"

Hope stood, pushed the chair back where it belonged, gave her mom a mock salute, and did a little skip-dance routine to go behind the counter.

Ryan turned back to Dean, dreading his glare, and yup, there it was. "Mom?"

Ryan shrugged, attempting aloofness. "Long story."

Dean glanced at his watch. "I'm pretty damn sure I got the time. I thought you couldn't have kids."

She wanted to wince at his tone, but she refused to. She couldn't tell him the truth, so she spilled the lie she had practiced a million times to what felt like a million different people. So, why did it hurt so badly to say it to Dean? "I can't, Dean," she stated flatly. "I can't have kids. When those demons did…those things to me, when I was eleven, I had to have some important parts removed." That part, at least, was true. "My cousin…she has some…issues. She's not in the picture. So, Hope is mine. Hope and her little brother."

"You got _two_ kids?" Dean asked, incredulous.

She glowered at him. "Understand why I don't hunt often anymore?"

"Uh, yeah, but, wow…" She watched as he processed this for a moment before Hope came back with a tray full of stuff. She picked up the pecan pie ala mode and sat it before Dean.

He looked at it, then looked at her and she grinned and all Ryan could see was the mini-me reflecting back at Dean and prayed fervently he didn't notice their physical similarities. "You look like a pie kinda guy," Hope stated simply.

He smiled. "Yeah, I am."

She plopped down a fruit and yogurt parfait, one of Ryan's newest attempts to bring healthy food into the diner, in front of Sam. "And you look like you could use a parfait. Mom makes great healthy stuff, but pie is just awesome." _Oh, God, she is Dean. He's going to figure it out…he's going to flip his shit…_

Sam chuckled. "Thanks."

Hope looked at them and then whispered in Ryan's ear, "Mama, I'm going to pretend they're just hunters, right?"

Ryan smiled and nodded. What could she do but let her daughter spend some time with them? This might be her only chance to hang out with Dean and her Uncle Sam. "Yes, they're hunters."

Both the Winchester's eyes grew wide. "Does she know…?"

Ryan nodded sadly. There were things she regretted, and having to tell Hope the truth at a young age was definitely one of them. "Yeah, I kind of had to. Longer story. One we can't tell in the café. Ya'll want to come for dinner tonight?" _Fuck! Did I really just ask them that?! What the hell is wrong with me and the verbal diarrhea today?! Geez…_

"Oh! Can we have soup?" Hope piped up.

Ryan shook her head. She felt sure the boys, even though they had just finished, would want something more substantial than soup. "I know you love Tomato Rice soup, Hopey, but I just made it on Monday. No, we can have something else."

"T-tomato rice soup?" Dean asked.

Ryan looked at him in surprise, then sadness. Stupid mistake. How could she forget Mary always made it for him when he was sick? That was why she had started making it for her own kids when they were sick, something from their father's side. She thought fast. "Yeah, I, uh, your mom gave my mom the recipe. Said it had been in the family for years, that it was great for when you've got a cold…" It was true enough; Mary _had_ given her mother the recipe. But that wasn't why Ryan fed it to her kids.

"Yeah, it was. She always made it when I was sick," Dean's voice was soft with pain and Ryan regretted bringing it up.

"Mom does, too!" Hope stated excitedly and Ryan fervently wished her daughter would quit being the bubbly, friendly girl she often was and just shut up. "Bobby had a cold earlier in the week, so we had soup and grilled cheese. We should have it more often. It's really awesome."

"Bobby?" Dean questioned gently.

Ryan knew there wasn't a way out of this one, so she went with the truth. "Yeah, well, when he was born, we knew he had to be named Bobby. That was my only way to pay homage to one of the greatest men I ever knew."

Dean was quiet a moment before he said, "Yeah, it's a good name."

"You two weren't the only ones who lost Bobby," Ryan stated hotly, her anger at them bubbling to the surface. She hadn't forgiven them for not calling her until after it was over. Damn it, they were the closest thing Bobby had to sons, but she was practically family to the man, too. He was the only person until Jody that knew the truth about Hope's parentage. "Would it have killed you to think to include other people in his funeral?"

"He got a hunter's funeral, Ryan. Whaddya want me to say?" Dean growled. "And then I had to salt and burn his damn flask when he didn't pass over, okay?"

She was too angry to notice how much it hurt him to say it. "It would be nice if you thought about someone else for a change…" Ryan started.

"SO," Hope said loudly to break up what Ryan felt sure was going to be an argument between her parents, "Speaking of names," Hope took a bite of pie, (having plopped down next to Sam) "What are your names? I haven't met all of my mom's friends, but I would remember meeting you guys."

Dean looked at her, his attention clearly shifting to her instead of Ryan, "I'm Dean, this is my brother, Sam."

Her daughter's brown eyes shot to her father's and they widened slightly. _Yeah, I'm gonna have to get the kid into acting classes. She's knocking it out of the fucking park. Where's her Oscar? She'd beat Leo, for sure. _"The Winchesters?" she squeaked. Ryan held her breath as she waited for Dean's reaction.

Dean chuckled and grinned. "Wow, Sammy. We even have a reputation with the elementary school crowd. Nice."

Hope blinked twice and then smiled. "Dude, you've got to tell me some stories!"

Ryan softly released her breath. "Not here," she told her daughter firmly. "You know the rules." They weren't to discuss hunting in the café, and not around the dinner table, either.

Hope sighed. "Fine. But tonight. I want details!"

Ryan giggled despite herself and shook her head. "Sorry, boys, I may have talked you two up a bit."

"Always glad to meet a fan," Dean chortled as he snagged a bite of pie. "Wow. Did you make this, Ryan?"

She was about to answer when Hope did it for her. "Mom makes the best pies. I bet we could talk her into making another one for supper…"

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. _Hell, kid, don't push me on this, okay? Don't make me be the bad guy today. _"Don't you think one piece of pie in a day is enough?" she managed.

Hope's mouth set and Ryan prepared herself. Her daughter was about to start a rant. _So much like her father…_"But…Mom…we are going to have special guests for dinner…" Hope started ticking off reasons on her fingers. "One, it's pie. I love pie. Two, hellooooo, special guests? And three…well, I don't have a three, but come on!"

Ryan shot her daughter a look. _God help me, but Hope is Dean's kid. Yeesh. _Accepting the fact that she was outnumbered, especially since she was getting the puppy dog eyes from two Winchesters, (Sam was just quietly chuckling,) she sighed in defeat. "I guess I could make a chocolate pie…"

"Grandma Fawcett's chocolate pie?" Hope pled.

"Is there any other?" Ryan replied with a grin. She really did want Dean to try her Grandmamma Fawcett's pie…

"Nope," Hope stated adamantly. "Accept no substitutions."

Dean grinned. "I like this kid."

Ryan had never seen her daughter smile so big.

After chatting for a while longer, it was decided that the boys would just go home with them. Hope was hanging onto their every word, even though they weren't discussing hunting, and didn't really want Dean out of her sight, Ryan could tell. "But…Moooooom, why can't I ride with them in the Impala?" Hope whined softly as Dean and Sam walked out of the restaurant. "It's _the Impala. _It's Daddy's baby and I…"

She sighed. "Hopey, I just…this is big, you know?" Ryan breathed back to her. She sucked in a breath. "Would you like for me to ask if Dean would ride with us?"

Hope's eyes grew wide and she nodded emphatically.

Ryan sauntered over to Sam and quickly gave him directions to her house before walking over to her Expedition and called out to Dean, "You wanna ride with?"

"Dude, don't tell me you got rid of Demon!" Dean intoned as he eyed the gas guzzling monstrosity as if it were something indecent.

"Of course not!" she gasped, offended. Just because she had kids now, did _not _mean she could just give away her beast of a car. It stayed loaded and ready for hunting. Her troop loved it when she drove it, and Demon got a workout once a week, no matter what they were doing, but it wasn't the best for carpooling. "Demon just isn't the best vehicle to haul a Girl Scout troop around in."

He looked at her in surprise then asked Hope, "You're a Girl Scout?"

The girl nodded. "I'm a Junior Girl Scout. Mom is helping us earn our Bronze Award."

_Like he knows what that is, _Ryan thought with a smirk and by the confused look on Dean's face, she was right, but appreciated Dean saying, "Right on. Good for you."

He turned to Ryan, "Girl Scouts? Really?"

She shot him a look. Couldn't he understand why Hope needed normal activities to stabilize her life? There was more to life than hunting, killing, and training for both. That was one of the biggest problems John Winchester had. He didn't balance out the boys. "The kid needs to be well rounded. She knows monsters are real, Dean. I had to balance it with something. I'm her troop co-leader."

Dean let out a snort. "Is there a merit badge for monster hunting?"

She punched him in the arm. _Asshole. _"No, but my girls _are_ going to learn how to shoot and how to protect themselves. They've all mastered archery and they're all involved in some form of martial art. Hope is better at it than I am. And she can already wield a knife and naturally, she knows how to use a sawed off shotgun. Rifle too, for that matter." _Not to mention a hand gun…_she held in the shiver as she remembered seeing her daughter holding a smoking gun, killing a werewolf.

"How did you manage to find a balance?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged. She wasn't certain she had, but she was trying. "I'm not sure I have, I just went with it."

"Well, it works. She seems…normal."

Ryan snorted. _She knows monsters are real, Dean, _but to him, she just said, "Thanks. I think. Come on; let's go grab Bobby from day care and head to the house."

"Shotgun!" Hope called and Ryan shot her a look.

"Backseat," Ryan argued.

"Moooom!" the girl started whining again.

Ryan's jaw set. She wasn't about to have the girl be a brat just because she was getting to spend some time with Dean. "What's the rule?"

Hope sighed as she recited, "Kids in the back, adults sit in the front, unless they're hurt or injured."

Ryan nodded. "Good girl." They all got into their seats and buckled in, then, she started the car and Taylor Swift blasted from the speakers. Ryan quickly popped the CD out into her hand with a chuckle. She didn't need to turn her head to see Dean wince, she knew he didn't like much of the music past like, 1985, and that particular song, "Everything Has Changed" always reminded her of Dean.

"Mom! I want AC/DC if we're listening to your music!"

Ryan flipped around and looked at her daughter. "What day is it?"

"Mom! It's not my fault Dean rode up front on a Thursday!"

She caught Dean grinning. "What am I missing?"

Ryan sighed. "Driver picks music on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Shotgun calls music on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The weekends are mixed where we do rock, paper, scissors."

"Unless we're on a road trip. Then we take turns until Mom's too tired or if it's late at night. Then, to keep her awake, she picks the music and I listen to my iPod."

"It works out well. Bobby's not old enough to pick."

"Okay…"

Ryan smiled at him. "So, unless you _want _the little girl in the back seat picking the music, and let me remind you, Tuesday was a "Frozen" marathon, I suggest you make a choice." And to prove her point, Ryan began to sing, "Let it go, let it go…can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go, turn my back and slam the door…"

She hadn't intended to get caught up in the song, but the lyrics to Demi Lovato's version spoke to her. Her life had changed so much from the scared young woman she had been after her attacks. She wasn't the same person Dean knew, she barely knew herself sometimes.

So, when she realized she had sung almost the whole damn song, she felt her cheeks flame as the blush spread. Ryan cleared her throat. "Sorry. I, uh, I like the movie and we've watched it a million times and, hell, I like showtunes, okay?"

He grinned but remained silent.

She kept her eyes down and on the steering wheel. "Gah, say something, alright?"

"What would you like for me to say? Instead of hunting, you should have become a singer? Because, damn. That was excellent."

She swallowed hard and gave him a sheepish grin. To think, he liked hearing her sing. _Oh, I would sing to you every day like a fucking Disney Princess if you were here in our lives, Dean. _But, of course, she didn't say that. Instead, she said, "So, unless you want me singing more of that, I think you need to make a decision." She lowered her voice to sound like Gozer the Gozerian. "Choose. Choose the destructor."

Dean and Hope both laughed, which was what she was going for. Ghostbusters had always been one of her favorite movies and Hope loved it, too.

"Alright."

"Dean! Dean! For the love of Christmas, _please _don't pick The Eagles! They're so lame! Pick AC/DC or Bon Jovi, oh! Or Styx! Did you know my camp name is 'Renegade'? Because I sang that song at camp last year, knocked it out of the park, thankyouverymuch. Oh, well, Anyway, I guess Metallica works if you have to…Queen is preferable, but I'd wouldn't say 'no' to Zeppelin, either…"

Dean's grin seemed hard to contain, Ryan noticed, as Hope took in a great burst of air. "Girl's got some seriously good taste."

"You can thank me for her musical education," Ryan shot back playfully.

"Hmmm…" Dean began, and Ryan could tell from the tone of his voice, he was going to tease Hope a little bit. "So, you don't like The Eagles?"

"God," Ryan muttered, unable to help herself. "You two," _Damn, they really are just alike._ "I swear. What do you ever have against The Eagles? They're nice and soothing and have just enough rock in them to be warranted as decent music."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Just, Ryan, just enough rock. They, do, uh, they've got a few decent songs," he admitted.

"Thank you," she stated flatly. "I _know _they've got a few 'decent' songs." She glared at him.

"Yeah, but, Mom, they're so _lame_. They sound like they're a hundred years old."

Ryan eyed her daughter in the rearview mirror. "Says the girl that likes Big Time Rush," Ryan shot back.

"Carlos is my soul mate. He likes hockey _and _corn dogs!" Hope fired off. The adults chuckled and Hope added, "At least I don't like Maroon 5 like _some _people in this car."

Ryan clutched her chest. _Dirty pool, little girl. _"Hope! Don't give away state secrets! Dean can't know things like that! He'll use it against me!" She would probably never hear the end of it now.

Dean snorted as Hope laughed. "Maroon 5? Really?"

She hung her head in shame. _May as well own up to it now and be done with it._ "Well, it's some snappy music when I'm working out."

She heard Dean clear his throat and she dreaded how he would tease her. Hope, however, came to her rescue. Sort of.

"Mama likes Adam Levine's ink," Hope supplied.

The corner of Ryan's mouth lifted. _She knows too much. She must be destroyed. _God help her how she loved the kid. "Yeah, well, I like tattoos. Don't hold it against me." She would love to see Dean with some ink besides the one on his chest. Though, that was gorgeous. She could devote hours of time worshiping the ink on his skin…_stop it, Ryan! You can't get fucked up like this! _Easier said than done…

"He's too skinny," Hope stated, bringing Ryan back to the conversation at hand.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Yeah, he is. But that's not his fault, it's his body type."

"He wouldn't last five minutes against a vengeful spirit."

Ryan laughed out loud. Her daughter was too smart for her own good. "You know, most girls like a pretty face. My daughter looks for stamina out in the field."

Dean shrugged. "She's not wrong."

Ryan was still chuckling as she caught the beaming face of her daughter in the mirror once more. Hope was loving this. It made Ryan sad she'd never had the chance to be around Dean before. She may have to figure out a way to remedy that. Maybe a weekend trip? She could send Hope off for a weekend with the boys. They could show her a few things. She was young, but Ryan didn't doubt for one minute, Dean would protect Hope at any cost, regardless of who she was or wasn't to him. "Good point."

She eyed him and decided to get them back on task. "Well, Shotgun? What's it going to be?" She opened the console between them and he looked in to find a portion of their CD's all neatly organized and in alphabetical order. It usually didn't look like that, but Ryan had detailed the SUV over the weekend. She'd had to clean it out after the troop had gone to the zoo and half the girls had ridden with them.

He smirked and turned his body around to look at Hope in the backseat. "Hey, Hope, what do you think?"

Ryan knew which one it would be before Hope opened her mouth. "AC/DC. Back in Black. Song number two."

He chuckled. "That was easy." He picked up the CD, popped it out of its cardboard case and slipped it in the slot, punching the button so it went to track two. Soon "Shoot to Thrill" fill the car.

"Yes!" Hope shouted before she began singing.

"You know," Ryan murmured, "You're now her best friend. And it's known in the parenting industry as 'bribery'." _Dean, you are an awesome father and you don't even realize it. _The thought made her more than a little sad.

Dean smiled softly. "Yeah, well, gotta promote the kid's good musical tastes, right?"

Ryan just rolled her eyes, but she smiled.

"How old is Bobby?" Dean suddenly asked.

"We just celebrated his second birthday a few months ago." Well, it had been more than a few months now. Time, like water through her cupped fingers, was slowly slipping away from them. Before long, Bobby would be learning how to wield a knife and shoot a shotgun and do all these things to become a hunter like his father, and uncle, as well as his grandparents before them.

"Cool. Little dude."

"Very. He was a preemie. The doc was worried he wouldn't make it." She could still remember seeing him in the NICU. He hadn't been quite as small as the doctors thought, and he had been stronger than any of them could have imagined. The fact he _was _so strong, and still was, worried her more than she wanted to admit. She was terrified of the vampire blood that had briefly coursed through her veins, but there was nothing she could do about it now. All those tests she had performed hadn't turned up a thing.

"But he's stubborn, just like me!" Hope chimed in from the back seat.

Ryan nodded. "Indeed. It definitely runs in the family."

They rode through town in silence for a few moments and Ryan kept the music down low in case anyone wanted conversation. Suddenly, Dean chuckled. "So, the kid doesn't share your taste in music?"

Ryan shrugged. How to explain Hope's taste in music? She was more like her than she was Dean. Ryan enjoyed every type of music, she just liked what she grew up with best, which leaned more toward rock and some of the edges of country music like The Eagles and Restless Heart, where Hope liked the more modern country. "Hope loves every kind of music. She's really into The Avengers, so when she found out Tony Stark likes AC/DC it increased their cool factor. She likes what other little girls her age like…"

"Except Justin Beiber!" Hope called from the back seat. "I can't stand that little…"

"Hope!" Ryan warned. "Language." She didn't need to let Hope get on a tangent. The girl had almost gotten into a fistfight with another girl because the other child said Justin was the greatest thing to ever happen to music. Hope had defended her grandmothers' love for Elvis and The Beatles to counter the argument and a teacher just happened to come up right as the other girl slapped Hope's face. Ryan could only imagine the beat down Hope would have given her and was thankful the fight ended before it could wind up on Hope's permanent record. She definitely had a temper. Ryan just wasn't sure if she got it from her, or Dean. Or both, which was a frightening concept.

Ryan drove to the daycare and stopped the car, leaving it running. "Ya'll just wait. I'll go get him. Hopey…" _Please remember what we've talked about in the off chance you would meet Dean…_

Hope sighed and shot her a look that clearly said, "I know, Mom!"

Ryan bit her lip and shut her door, leaving her daughter and Dean alone. She briefly worried what might transpire while she was getting Bobby, but she figured everything would work itself out. At least, she hoped it would.

She walked through the first set of doors, punched in her code to get into the locked second set of doors, and walked in, down the long hallway, then to the secondary infant hallway. Bobby had graduated to the third set of classrooms since he turned two, so he was on the right hand side now.

She glanced in through the glass door and watched him toddling along, thumb in his mouth, Blue Monkey hanging precariously from his arms. He still wasn't feeling well. The cold that had swept through the Fawcett/Winchester house had been brutal to all of them and he was its final victim.

Renee looked up at her knock and walked over to unlock the door. The security in the place was just one reason Ryan spent a fortune here every month. Granted, it didn't keep him safe in the event of a supernatural phenomenon, but he was safe from human monsters at least.

"Hi, Ryan!"

Ryan smiled at the younger woman. Renee had just graduated with her degree in Early Childhood Education and was a real asset to the place. She loved the babies, though, and had agreed to stay on past her 'internship' there. "How was he today?"

Renee frowned. "He's still not feeling his best, but no fever, so, yay!"

Ryan's smile grew. This girl was so exuberant, it bordered on nauseating. She glanced at her son, who still hadn't noticed her arrival. He was now pushing a truck along the floor, half crawling, refusing to let go of his thumb. Poor guy.

"Bobby! Mama's here!" Renee called.

He looked up, saw Ryan, and his eyes lit up. "Ma!" he called as he dropped the truck and toddled over as fast as his chubby little legs could bring him.

Ryan grasped him and swung him up into her arms, cradling him on her shoulder as she always did. She closed her eyes and breathed him in as she rubbed his blond hair. "Hey, baby. You still feel bad?"

The boy picked his head up and smiled at her, prompting her to kiss his face and he squealed in delight. She walked over to his cubby and grabbed his sippy cup as well as his diaper bag. "Thanks, Renee," she murmured as she bent to sign him out.

"No problem. See ya later!" Renee called as she walked over to Tyler, who was building with blocks.

Ryan blew out a breath as she walked back down the corridor, worried about the two sitting in the car. She kept a watch on it as she made her way outside and noticed the occupants seemed to be having a conversation. _God help me, _she thought as she walked to the driver's side.

She opened the back door and announced, "And this is Bobby."

"Da!" Bobby cried and Ryan froze for just a moment. _Fuck! Of course he would recognize Dean. _She had been working with him to say "Daddy" just like she had with Hope. _Play it cool, Fawcett, _she ordered herself. So she chuckled and strapped him in before handing him his cup. "Yep, he's a handful, but he's a sweetie."

"Handful is right," Hope muttered. "He's always getting my stuff!"

Ryan looked at her with narrowed eyes. They'd been having this argument since Bobby was big enough to crawl. "Well, maybe if you put your stuff where he couldn't reach it…"

"Mom! He's like a circus freak! He can climb walls! Little dude is Spiderman!"

Both the adults laughed at that and Ryan nodded as she climbed back behind the wheel. Hope did have a point. "It's true. He's a climber. Hope was always still and just did her thing. I turn my back for a second and boom, he's gone."

"Sammy was the same way. My God, he almost gave me heart attacks on a daily basis because, well, we never stayed in the most kid friendly of places. It was exhausting."

She could relate. Kids were exhausting. She'd never in a million years imagined she would be tired from life like _this_ but she was so grateful. Her eyes immediately traveled to the child mirror and a small smile flitted to her mouth as she looked at them. Bobby was still rear-facing thanks to the new laws that were for safety, but a pain in her ass, so she had to see him through a secondary mirror positioned on him. He looked sleepy, still sucking his thumb, rubbing the yarn 'hair' on his monkey and Hope, she assumed, had decided to give the adults a bit of space, and had pulled out "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" from the back of the passenger seat to read.

"You know, you're good at this mom thing," Dean commented.

She shrugged as she made the left-hand turn that led home. The butterflies were still in her stomach. She was about to take Dean home, to her home, to the kid's home. How would she ever be able to let him leave once she saw how seamlessly he melded into their lives? "I've had to be."

His voice was soft as he asked, "Your cousin just dumped them on you?"

She hated lying to him, outright lying to the man she cared so much for. This wasn't right, but she knew why she had to do it. "She's…not in a place to raise kids. She got messed up over a guy, Hope happened. Same thing happened again and Bobby arrived. I can't have kids, Dean. These two miracles are gifts from God to me. I don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

If he wanted to add to her comment, he didn't. "Same dad?" he asked finally.

She nodded as she made the turn into her driveway. _I'm looking at him, _she thought, but to him, she just said, "Yeah. She's consistent, that much is for sure."

"And he..he won't like, sue for custody or anything?"

_Not since you don't know they're yours. _"No."

"You seem certain of that."

She sighed. _Nothing is easy with us, is it? _"He's not in the place to raise a kid, either. They're both legally mine. Nothing is taking them from me. Ever. Come hell or high water, even if I have to make a deal with Crowley himself." That was the truth. The absolute truth. She would sell her soul in a New York minute for those kids. Wouldn't any mother?

"You wouldn't."

She shrugged. _May as well lay my cards out on the table, right? _"Dean, I've come to realize, the things in my Heaven are what I'd go to Hell for. I would do it in a skinny minute if it meant making life better for these kids. If it was between their happiness and mine? Damn straight." Besides, even taking the deal with Gabriel, while a bit selfish on her part, had always been about the kid. As soon as Gabe had said she already had life blooming in her body, she knew she had to protect it with everything she was.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he computed what she was saying. They really weren't that different. Just because she hadn't been to hell for the kids, didn't mean she wouldn't. And really, wasn't that the same thing he had done for Sammy?

"You really are good at this mom thing."

She smiled as they pulled up to their old farmhouse. It was high praise coming from him and it warmed her more than she thought it could. "Thanks." She turned to Hope. "Homework?"

"Reading, as usual," she grumbled. "But other than that, just a math sheet."

"Well, that will take all of a minute."

"Darn right." Hope looked at Dean and grinned. "I've got the highest grades in my class in math and science."

It was true. Hope was brilliant. The teachers were talking about her taking some advanced classes in Math and Science the following year. "She takes after her father, clearly," Ryan said carefully. She knew Dean was extremely smart when it came to the same subjects. She'd gathered intel on him through the years. She had wanted to know everything about him she could for her kids. She grinned. "She didn't get that crap from my family. We're inept at math. She's a tinker fairy, aren't you?"

It was a running joke between them. Hope still liked Tinkerbelle so she often called her Tink. Hope stuck her tongue out at her mom, but Ryan knew she was just a bit embarrassed at the nickname. "I still say if you'd let me at that EMF meter…"

_Are we seriously going to rehash this argument? _They'd had it a handful of times already. "No. I only have one and you aren't screwing with it, Hope. I let you take apart the radio because you were determined to make the speakers sound better."

"And I did!"

Ryan rolled her eyes as she pulled Bobby from the car seat. _Apparently rehashing is about to commence. _"Yeah, you did, but my point is, you can play with the radio, you can screw with the toaster, but my hunting gear is off limits until you really know what you're doing."

"But…Mom…"

"We've discussed it. It's finished."

Hope huffed and stomped up the steps of the porch. Ryan knew better than to call after her. She needed to blow off some steam and calm down. That flash temper was definitely a Dean Winchester trait. Ryan's temper burned cold, Hope's burned like fire. It would, no doubt, lead to some interesting arguments as the girl got older. Ryan sighed. "And I am actually trusted to raise children. Scary."

Dean chuckled and held out his hand for Bobby. "Here. You got to unlock the door, right?"

She blinked in surprise. She didn't think Dean was into babies. From what she had read, he always seemed reluctant, even though he was clearly good with them. "I, uh, you sure?"

"How the hell you think Sammy survived? I raised him. I can handle holding your kid while you open your door, Ryan."

She had to hold in a tear as she handed his son over to him. Dean took him and grinned. "Hey, Bobby. You know you got a big name to live up to, right?" She couldn't look at them any longer. She couldn't handle it, not now. Her emotions were running on high. She couldn't give in and tell him the truth. No, definitely not now.

Bobby blew a raspberry, and she heard Dean chuckle. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

They heard the Impala roaring up the driveway and the baby squealed in laughter and clapped his hands. "Kid's got good taste."

Ryan rolled her eyes once more (with Hope, it was an almost every hour thing. She assumed it was the same with Dean and his sarcasm) and composed herself as she unlocked the house and held the door open for him. Hope breezed past them wordlessly and up to her room. She needed to talk to that girl. She couldn't sit and pout because she had homework. Ryan knew she wanted to spend every waking moment with Dean, but their real life would continue when Dean left.

Ryan glanced about the entry way and quickly bent down to pick up a stray tennis shoe of Hope's. The kid was a pig. She never picked up anything if she could get by without cleaning. It was one of their daily arguments. She snagged up two toy trucks as well and muttered, "Excuse the mess…I wasn't planning on…"

"A booty call?" Dean provided.

She chuckled. _Way to be direct, sweetheart. _"Yeah, that either. Jody could have called and warned me you guys were in the neighborhood." She hadn't meant for it to come out sounding so begrudging, but the fact remained she _would _be having words with Jody tomorrow or the next day.

"Listen, Ryan, it's cool if we aren't welcome, I mean, we can split…"

"No!" she all but shouted. _If you leave, Hope will kill me. Hell, I might kill myself. _"God, Dean, don't be a dick. I just wasn't expecting company. We've all been getting over colds and stuff so we watched movies and went to bed early last night, didn't even bother picking up the toys. Then, this morning, I had to hurry to get the pies made for work, so…" She trailed off and shrugged. No need to give any additional excuses. "Ya'll go into the living room. Just plop him down on the floor. He'll find his baby Lego's to occupy him."

She turned to sit Bobby's bag and her purse down on the entry table as she heard Bobby say, "Da!" She smiled. Dean might not know what the baby was saying, but Bobby did, and so did she.

"I don't know what that means, buddy," she heard Dean reply. She heard Bobby's Mater truck beep and talk to them. "You wanna play with this?"

She turned and glanced in the living room just in time to see Bobby lay his head on Dean and popped his thumb back in his mouth. He looked at Bobby and Ryan couldn't help but snapping a picture with her phone while he was distracted. She would have to make it a point to get a few more of him before he left. The thought pained her.

"Uh…okay," Dean stated uncertainly to himself.

She held in a sniffle as her eyes stung with unshed tears. She realized then that Bobby had left Blue in the car and she knew if he was going to take a nap, he would want Blue Monkey. She stepped back outside and ran into Sam coming up the steps.

He grasped her arms so she didn't trip and smiled. "Hey."

She smiled softly. "Hey, Sam."

He looked at her a moment and sighed. "Look, so, I want to apologize…"

Her brows knit. "For what?"

"For before, when we worked that Rawhead… I remembered, later, what I did, what I said…"

"Sam," her voice was soft as she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He was down a few steps from her so they were eye-to-eye. "It's okay."

"No, it isn't. I should have realized…"

"You didn't have a soul, right?"

His eyes widened. "How did you…?"

"Dean told me, that night. He said you didn't have a soul for a while."

He ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, what a mess. We're cursed."

She nodded. "Lump me in there, too, okay?"

"Are you cursed, Ryan?"

_More than you know, _she thought. She shrugged. "Some days, I'm pretty damn certain of the fact. All I do is sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop."

"I know what you mean."

They both stood there in silence for a moment before he held out Blue Monkey. "I saw this on the ground. I'm guessing the baby dropped it?"

Ryan smiled. "Yeah. The kid loves the thing. Hope never got emotionally attached to a stuffy, well, not until recently, but Bobby got this for his first Christmas and he's been attached to it ever since. It goes everywhere with us. I've stitched and repaired it and restuffed it a handful of times already. And don't tell Bobby, but I have a spare in the top of his closet, just in case this one goes kaput."

Sam laughed. "Good idea."

She turned and walked back into the house and she couldn't keep the heartfelt smile from her face as she saw Dean still sitting, holding Bobby. She felt like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes. "He's still getting over a cold," Ryan murmured from the entryway. "He probably needs a nap. You mind just holding him a minute?" _Or all night works, too. I could watch you with your son in your arms all night and into tomorrow, _she mused.

"I guess not," he said finally.

"He doesn't usually take to strangers," she stated as she leaned against the doorjamb. "You must be calming to him, Dean."

Dean snorted. "That's a first."

"No, it isn't," Sam said as he came in the open door. "Dean's great with kids, actually. He just doesn't get to show it often."

Dean glared at his brother and Sam shrugged. "It's true."

Ryan smiled at the two of them. Something had seemed…off in the restaurant. She wondered if they were arguing. It didn't seem like they were up to their usual banter. It saddened her. Maybe she could find out what was going on as the night progressed. She once more wished The Winchester Gospels were still coming. If they were, at least she would have an inkling as to what their deal was, and maybe help them, even. Obviously the two men had lived through a lot of shit since the angels fell. And since she and Jody had dealt with that demon a few months ago, plus the influx of demons Tory and Andy were battling, clearly the boys hadn't succeeded in closing the gates of hell. She would have heard about it. She couldn't imagine what all had transpired to get them to this point in their lives.

She glanced at Sam. He looked quite healthy, actually, so apparently the trials he had gone through hadn't caused permanent damage.

"What took you so long?" Dean asked Sam.

"Cas called," Sam said dismissively as he looked around the room.

Ryan saw Dean waiting for an additional answer, but Sam shook his head. "No news on any front. He was just checking in on us."

Ryan smiled. "Cas, your angel friend, right?" She really wanted to meet him, had for years, but, since she had Gabriel's angel warding on her ribs, none of the other angels could find her. She supposed that was a good thing.

Dean nodded, but didn't elaborate. She clasped her hands together. "Well, let me get the ribs started. I know we aren't hungry, but they take forever. If you want to come in the kitchen, I've got beer."

"What do I do with the kid?" Dean asked and she could sense his discomfort. He never wanted to look weak, not even holding a baby. John really had messed up these two men.

She held out her arms and reached for Bobby. "Come on, Bobby. You wanna take a nap? Monkey is waiting for you."

"Bu!" the baby yelled and Ryan's smile grew. She wasn't sure why Bobby had latched onto that particular toy. Actually, it had been one of Hope's cast-offs she had given her brother for Christmas his first year. Ryan was certain Hope didn't remember, but Bobby Singer had given it to her, said he'd had a sock monkey when he was little. It had sat in the bottom of Hope's toy chest for years, just waiting, Ryan supposed, for Bobby 2.0 to need it. Hope also had another monkey, a brown one, Bobby had also given her. She had passed it along to Bobby as well, and it sat up on the shelf in his room. It was so strange that he latched onto the toy when Hope hadn't cared about any one thing in particular for more than a few minutes. She did love blankets, and had the baby quilt Bobby had also given her, when she was a toddler. She took it to every sleepover, and it stayed on her bed every night with her. Ryan liked to think maybe Bobby was upstairs looking after them, probably cursing her for not going to Dean and telling him about his kids, actually.

She forced herself to focus as she snuggled the baby to her. "Yep, Blue the Sock Monkey is waiting for you. I brought him in from the car. Let's go take a nap, alright?"

As if to prove her point, the little boy yawned and Ryan called upstairs, "Hope! Show the boys to the kitchen!"

"We can find it. Let her finish her homework," Dean said as he stood. "It's all good. The house isn't that big, is it?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nah, you can't miss it. It's the room with the refrigerator in it."

He shot her a glare before he smiled and she knew he was teasing as he called her a smart ass.

Ryan stuck her tongue out at him before she turned and walked out of the room. She grabbed Blue out of the top of Bobby's bag where she had sat it when she walked back in, and made her way up the stairs.

She went to Bobby's room first, changed his diaper, and then laid him down. His schedule had changed since his birthday. Now, instead of two naps a day, he napped in the late morning and usually was good until seven o'clock, when he just went to bed, but with the cold, he had been so tired while his little body fought off the virus. She laid him down and when he didn't stand back up in protest, she slipped back out the door.

She sucked in a breath and knocked on Hope's door. "Come in," she heard Hope sullenly reply.

She stepped inside and saw Hope at her small desk. "Hopey, look, I know they're only here for a day at the most, but life goes on, you know?"

"I know, Mama. I just…I wanted to show him what I could do. I really could make your EMF reader more sensitive…"

Ryan smiled. Her daughter was the best thing that had ever happened to her. "I'll make you a deal. If you really want to play with an EMF reader, I'll see if I can get a spare off the next hunter that comes through and I'll let you tinker with that. Maybe someone has a broken one they haven't tossed out yet. You can fool around with that one. And if it works, I'll start using that one instead, how does that sound?"

"Mom! That's great!" Hope jumped up and ran to hug her.

Ryan reveled in the sensation. Hope was getting so tall. She was already chest-height and she knew it wouldn't be long before Hope would be taller than her. "Hopey, I love you so very much, you know that, right?"

Hope looked up at her mom but didn't release her from the hug. "I know, Mommy."

Ryan smiled again, this time with tears in her eyes. The little girl had all but stopped calling her Mommy. It was usually Mom, or Mama, and even the "Mama" had tapered off. She was growing up too quickly. She bent to press a kiss to the girl's forehead. "Okay, finish your homework, let us adults have a little time to ourselves, okay? Then when it's time for Bobby to get up, you can come downstairs, okay?"

"Okay, Mom."

Ryan looked at her a moment and asked softly, "Are you okay, Hope? Neither of us were planning on this happening today."

Hope smiled. "He's just as awesome as you said, Mom. He really is. And Uncle Sammy is too."

Ryan nodded. "I know. Both of them are."

"He likes me, too, I think. I mean, I know I can't tell him the truth, but he thinks I'm cool, doesn't he?"

Ryan hugged her tighter. "He does, baby. He really does."

"Okay. I'll let you guys have time. Can I call Emily? I won't tell her about Dad being here, but can I tell her you have friends over?"

Ryan nodded again. "Just remember not to give away too much information."

"I won't, Mom," Hope's tone was exasperated and Ryan realized the chick-flick, mother/daughter bonding moment was over.

"Alright then. I'll go back downstairs. Don't stay on the phone too long and finish your homework first, you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am," Hope murmured as she pulled away and walked back to her chair and sat down.

Ryan watched her for just another moment before she stepped outside and back down the stairs, where she heard Dean and Sam having a discussion. About her, apparently.

She heard Dean; "Yeah, I guess. Just…it seems a shame. She's had to leave the life, man, not because she wanted to, but because she had to."

"Maybe she didn't want the life. Maybe she didn't have any other choice."

"Do any of us?"

"No."

"Exactly. So, how did she leave?"

"Perseverance," she stated as she walked back into the room, figuring they should have been just about finished, or were just getting started in their argument. Either way, she was ending it. "I can't go hunting things and raise these kids. I had to choose. Something your father really needed to have done."

"I know you're not going to start that, Ryan," Dean stated hotly.

She held up both hands. She didn't mean any disrespect, she was just telling it like it was. "I respect the hell out of your daddy, Dean. If he hadn't taught you boys how to handle things, I would be dead. I'm not saying that. I just think he could have found a better balance."

"And you're doing so well at it? Having the kid kill a werewolf?"

Ryan's eyes flashed. She would have words to her daughter about boasting a kill. She should have known the kid would have to tell Dean about it, to show her worth. "Damn it, I _told_ her not to go off about that!"

"Hope killed a werewolf?" Sam asked, but she and Dean both ignored him.

"A kill is a kill, Ryan. And at seven, eight years old, she _should _be proud."

She held in the shiver at the thoughts of her baby girl holding the smoking gun, the horrid stench of the wolf's breath on her neck as he fell onto her, the fear that they would all die…"No, she shouldn't. I didn't ask her to do it, but there was no other choice. I don't want her having the bloodlust, Dean! She needs to be a little girl for fuck's sake!"

"I agree!"

They both stood there breathing hard and Sam said, "Uh, both of you need to chill out. She could hear you."

Ryan shook her head to clear it slightly and blew out a breath. "Come on. Let's go grab a beer. We can chat while I cook."

She led the way into the kitchen and got them out some of Jody's preferred brew. She really didn't drink beer, didn't drink much alcohol anymore, actually. She had stopped nursing Bobby around his first birthday, so she hadn't really gotten back into the habit of alcohol other than occasionally when Jody did join them for dinner. After the kids went to bed, they would sit out on the front porch and talk and usually the drinks came out then. Besides, she didn't want anything dulling her senses in case something _did _come for her or the kids.

She ignored both men who sat at her table as she pulled the ribs out of the refrigerator. She had intended to have leftovers for later in the week, so she had plenty. She glanced at Sam and decided it wouldn't kill him to enjoy some beef, but she decided to add some additional veggies to their meal for him and grabbed the homemade canned snap beans Mrs. Russo had given her a few days before. Luckily, Hope loved veggies, so it wouldn't be hard convincing the girl they needed them in addition to the garlic mashed potatoes mixed with cauliflower and the tossed salad she had prepared that morning.

She then gathered the ingredients for the pie, allowing Dean to lick the spoon after she finished and holding in a chuckle at his moans of ecstasy at the taste. She popped it into the oven with the ribs, and then went about gathering the ingredients for her secret family barbecue sauce recipe, making sure she got out the fresh garlic. Her mother had always used garlic powder, but she didn't care for the taste of it. Fresh was always best in her book.

They made pleasant conversation for the next hour. She had forgotten how much _fun _the Winchesters were and Dean often had her in stitches as they talked about past cases. The Gospels were clinical in their explanations of the cases, so to hear those, and others, ones she _didn't _have a gospel about, she thoroughly enjoyed. "So, wait," she asked as she giggled, she had sat down for a few minutes while the pie baked. "You mean to tell me you two turned Dean into a dog?"

"No! Not…exactly," Dean grumbled.

Sam laughed. "Yes, exactly. I mean, he didn't have the fur, and, God, I hope he didn't try to lick his balls…" at that, she lost it again, laughing.

"It isn't funny, douchewad," Dean growled as he playfully shoved Sam's shoulder.

"I think it's hilarious," Ryan managed through her laughter. She wiped a laughter tear from her eye. "I haven't laughed like that in years."

"Yeah, well, at least I wasn't the one that had to give the Yorkie belly rubs while he talked," Dean stated in a self-satisfied tone.

"At least I wasn't the one arguing with the pigeon," Sam shot back.

Dean opened his mouth and shut it. "Fucking winged rat, going to shit all over my baby. He's lucky I didn't gank his ass. I probably would have…"

"If I hadn't all but pushed you to the car. We didn't need that kind of attention."

"Pigeons are douchebags," Dean groused.

Ryan laughed again and the timer dinged. She pulled the pie out of the oven and began making the meringue. Suddenly, she heard Hope's off-key rendition of "You Give Love a Bad Name" and she smiled as the little girl walked in with her brother.

Hope seemed to catch herself when she breached the door, no doubt forgetting, if only for a moment, that they had houseguests. "Uh, sorry…but, hey, Bon Jovi rocks on occasion. I mean, his new stuff is crap, but the old stuff is awesome." Ryan resisted the urge to put her face in her hands. Yes, the kid was _definitely _Dean Winchester's child.

Dean grinned. "I agree wholeheartedly." He paused then added, "You've got a decent singing voice, Hope."

She beamed with pride. "Thanks. I'm in the school choir. We just had a performance a few weeks ago. Aunt Jody came. It was awesome."

"That's terrific," Sam said with a wink at her.

She handed the baby to Ryan, who took him and plopped him down in his high chair with a cookie, which he promptly started gnawing on. He was teething again, too, so that made the cold even less fun for the poor guy. She was fairly certain he was working on some pretty big molars.

"So, how can I help, Mom?"

Ryan just smiled and waggled her eyebrows. "You want music?" Ryan asked slyly.

Hope grinned. "Mama, you know I _always _want music!"

Ryan laughed and changed the iPod on the docking station from the soft classical music she had put on while they were chatting to her "Rock Out!" playlist, which was perfect to dance to. Hope was all giggles as they settled into their dinner routine, basically ignoring the two men that watched them with smiles on their faces.

At dinner, they talked briefly about some of the hunts they had all gone on, Ryan choosing to ignore her rule of "No hunt talk at the dinner table." After all, it was important for Hope to see a bit more about the dangers of hunting, as well as some of the fun. And the Winchester boys were storytellers. They told more about the Men of Letters bunker, and how it was basically like The Batcave, which, of course, Hope wanted to know more about. "Maybe one day you'll be a Woman of Letters," Sam told her with a smile.

Dean grinned. "Nah, spirit like hers? Like her mom's? Kid's totally going to be a hunter, won't you, Hope?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "Definitely."

"She could be both," Ryan reminded them. "Like you two are."

Dean held up a hand. "Nah, Sammy, maybe, but not me. I'm the brute. Now, Ryan, I bet you'd be good at it, the research, the books…"

She shrugged. "Maybe. I'm fluent in Greek and Latin, but I don't know if I could sit all day and read. I crave the action, which I don't get very often…"

"You and Aunt Jody hunt, though, Mom. And you hunt with Tory and Andy sometimes, too. You always come back so happy."

Ryan chuckled at that. "Yeah, well, we get you and your brother grown, then somebody's going to have to teach you to hunt…"

"I can't wait to go out on a real case…"

Dean smiled. "Reminds me of me at that age. I was the same way, Hope. But it's dangerous. And you're a girl. No offense, but you've got to be smarter than guys, you know? You're not as strong, yet, so you got to be smart."

She nodded solemnly as Dean spoke to her and Ryan could easily see the hero worship in the girl's eyes. It made Ryan's heart hurt all the more. "Who's ready for seconds?" Ryan asked as she cleared her throat, wishing away the tears. She was a complete mess today.

"Me!" Hope shouted as she jumped up with her plate.

"Hey, Hopey, why don't you go grab the camera, yeah? We can take a few pictures."

"Oh! Yeah! Okay!"

She ran out of the room and Ryan chortled. "I hope you don't mind. Hope is working on her digital photography badge, so she has to take pictures…" _Wow. Way to pull one right out of your ass, Ryan. Good one. _

Both guys shrugged. Hope came tearing back into the room a few moments later and began snapping away. After everyone had second helpings, she got the boys some more beers before she began clearing the table. Hope helped her load the dishwasher and she brought out the pie. She sat it on the table and let out a little 'oof!' of surprise when Dean pulled her into his lap. She bit the inside of her lip as his hands grasped her thighs innocently enough and she chuckled, not even trying to escape. She liked being there, in his lap.

He grinned before he looked at Hope. "Hope, your mom is a hero, did you know that?"

"Of course," Hope stated simply. "She's a hunter, just like you and Sam."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, she is, but did you know she saved my life?"

Hope gasped. "No! When?"

Ryan smiled as she remembered. The night before Hope was conceived. She couldn't forget if she tried.

Dean nodded. "Yep, she sure did. There were four witches, a coven, who were hurting tourists. I went to investigate the building they were using as their front. I found all their hoo-doo sh…a…crap, and they snuck up on me, cracked me over the head."

"Only one of them snuck up on you Dean," Ryan amended.

"How do you know?"

"I was there, doofus, remember? I had crept into that same building. I saw him crack you over the head. I slipped out before he could see me."

"You could have taken care of him then and there, Ryan."

She grinned. "Yeah, but if I hadn't, we wouldn't have known how to find the other three, now, would we?"

Their eyes met. She knew he knew she was right. He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, so, he manages to lug me out and throw me into the car…"

"I still have no idea how. He must have used some kind of spell to help transport you."

"What are you trying to say, Ryan?" He shot her a raised eyebrow.

"You're a big boy, Dean. You outweighed that little cretin by at least fifty pounds and three inches, easy."

"You could probably carry me, Ryan."

She smirked at that. Maybe when she was at her best hunting capacity, but not now. She was still soft from Bobby's birth. She wasn't as well trained as she used to be. Of course, that didn't stop her from saying, "Yeah, but I'm a trained hunter. He was a weak witch."

"What happened next?!" Hope was enthralled in the story.

"Well, I came to and tried to worm my way out of the ropes. They had me tied to a steel girder. Another of the witches was there arguing with him and the two men didn't know I had woken up. Just then, I heard your mom sneak up behind me, whispering for me to be quiet…"

"Which didn't work," she admonished. "When someone tells you to be quiet, you do it, Dean."

"I was surprised. The last time I saw you, you were a college student, not a huntress supreme."

She rolled her eyes. "Still. It's just good practice to be quiet."

"He doesn't know how to shut up," Sam offered.

"You shut up," Dean shot back at him flatly.

"So, what happened then?" Hope asked, bringing them back to the story.

"Your mom…Hope, you should've seen her. It was a thing of beauty. After she back-talked that little wimpy witch and his cohort, he tried to attack her. She flipped him over her and stabbed him with her knife. It was awesome to watch, I tell ya."

"Did you really, Mama?"

Ryan nodded. "I did indeed, butterbean."

"Wow. And what about the other guy?"

"Well, I took care of him," Dean began proudly.

"After he beat Dean around a bit," Ryan told her. She glanced at Dean. "You're lucky you didn't get a concussion."

"You're lucky I didn't get a concussion," he shot back with a smirk.

She chuckled. "Yeah, you're right." She turned to Hope. "Dean got the guy in a headlock and I tossed him my knife. He finished off that guy. After that, we found the other two witches who really just kinda went along with the two leaders. They went to jail, human jail, because they had done some things other than witchcraft."

"Wow. Awesome! Mom! Why didn't you tell me that's what happened?"

Ryan shrugged. She had told Hope a bit about her conception, how she and Dean had been on a hunt together, but hadn't gone into great detail. "I told you I hunted witches in New Orleans with Dean. I just figured if you wanted details, they would be better served coming from a master storyteller."

"No kidding. That's awesome!"

"We were lucky," Dean told Hope solemnly. "Your mom almost bit the dust thanks to a hex bag. Witches aren't something to mess with. The spells and stuff they, as well as hunters use, aren't things to play around with. I should know. I've been on the bad end of a few of them. So has Sam."

Sam nodded. "Yeah. Nasty business, witches."

"At least they weren't the Wicked Witch," Dean stated.

Ryan blinked. _What?! _"As in…Wicked Witch? Like, the _real _Wicked Witch?" Ryan asked. She hadn't heard about that. It must have happened in the past year. The Wicked Witch was _real_?

Dean nodded. "Yeah, we, uh, we met Dorothy, too."

Ryan couldn't believe it. She had never heard of the stories being real. It wasn't possible, was it? _Of course it's real, Ryan. Haven't you seen enough weird shit in your life to realize anything is probably real? Every story has a background somewhere. _"Seriously? You're kidding."

Sam nodded his head. "Our friend Charlie is hunting with her in Oz right now."

"Oz is _real_?" Hope gasped. "I love those stories!"

"They aren't quite like that in real life, either," Sam told her. "There are some bad things out there."

"What's next? You gonna tell me Narnia's real, too?" Ryan asked.

"God, I hope not," Dean deadpanned. "I don't want to tangle with that white witch. She freaked me out as a kid."

Ryan looked at him and laughed.

As they continued to talk and clean up the rest of the dishes, Hope and Ryan continuing their little dance routine as they put away everything and got the kitchen clean once more. That was when Hope tried to talk them into a game.

"I am not playing Texas Hold 'Em with you again, Hope. You're almost better than I am and I only have a twenty dollar bill in my pocket," Ryan told her daughter. The kid was a natural. Put a card in her hand and she couldn't lose.

Hope smirked. "Dude, Mom, I can't help it that I'm better at it than you are."

"Watch the smart mouth, kid," Ryan warned her, "Them's fightin' words."

Hope's eyebrow shot up. "I can take ya."

Ryan shook her head. "Don't I know it." To the boys, Ryan said, "Hope is a card sharp. I don't know how, but she can pick up a game and within two games, she's figured out how to win. I think she's just got some of the best luck of anyone I know."

Dean grinned. "You didn't swallow any horseshoes, did you, Hopey?"

She giggled. "Mama calls me Hopey. But, no, I haven't even been near a horse in forever. Not since we went horseback riding with the girl scouts when I was a Brownie."

Ryan smiled at her daughter. "Why don't you go grab something else to play."

"So we _can _play a game?!"

"_One,_" Ryan told her. "If the Winchester boys are down with it."

Sam looked at Dean, who shrugged. "Whatever."

"Great!" Hope yelled as she ran out of the room.

Ryan sighed. "Some days, I don't have the energy."

Dean chuckled. "You know, I don't know if I ever thanked you for teaching me how to play poker. It came in handy down the road."

She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair as she bent to grab a pot from the table. "No problem."

Hope came back only moments later with Jenga, which was her new favorite game, and it turned into a tournament, which Ryan won. She glanced up at the clock on the wall and said, "Well, it's time for all good little monsters to go to bed." She gestured to the baby, who was nodding off chewing on a squeaky fire truck. "Bad ones, too."

Of course, Bobby was covered in most of his food, but he was definitely getting tired. She should have put him to bed an hour ago, but he was enjoying Dean sneaking him pieces of bread. She had snapped a few additional pictures of everyone, too. She was so glad. She now she had pictures of Sam laughing, of Dean and Hope doing funny faces at each other, and Dean feeding the baby chocolate pie. They would be good to reflect on later. For one moment in time, her world was absolutely perfect and she could almost pretend this was normal.

"Moooooom," Hope whined, bringing her back to the present. "I don't want to go to bed. Dean promised me a story about a Wendigo."

She had hoped her daughter would have forgotten about that when Dean mentioned it at the beginning of the meal. Dean chuckled. "I did, didn't I? You want it as a bedtime story?"

Hope's eyes grew wide and she nodded furiously.

He laughed. "Fine. Go do what your mom says, get ready, I'll come up and tell it to you."

"Really? Thanks!" She was up like a flash, hugging Sam so hard, she almost knocked him out of his chair before running up the stairs and tromping about like crazy above their heads.

"You've created a monster, Dean," Ryan commented as she wiped the baby's high chair down. "Yuck. You need a bath, little dude." He definitely did. He was covered in barbecue sauce, mashed potatoes, chocolate pie, and breadcrumbs. She turned to Sam. "I'm going to get him ready for bed. Just go sit and watch some TV while I'm upstairs and Dean is scaring the crap out of my daughter."

Sam laughed. "Actually, I think I'll just head back to the motel. You're staying tonight, aren't you, Dean?"

Dean looked at Ryan. "Am I?"

She smiled softly and touched his cheek tenderly, rubbing the scruff there as his eyes met hers. The last time she'd seen him, he had been clean shaven. She liked this look, too. Of course, she'd liked the longer hair when she was in college, so, she just assumed it was Dean. She had tried to keep her touching to a minimum, but when Hope had strategically situated Ryan's plate and cup next to Dean, it had led to some interesting hand work under the table by them both and she was more than a little turned on. Of course, Dean pulling her down into his lap so she could feel his erection didn't help matters in the least. "You know I've never been able to say 'no' to that pretty face, Winchester," she purred.

"I'll come back in the morning and bring doughnuts," Sam offered.

She smiled and couldn't help herself as she said, "Oh, Hope will be calling you 'Uncle Sammy' if you did that."

"Hey, what am I? Chopped Liver?" Dean's indignant tone stated. "I'm going to be telling her an awesome story."

Ryan smirked. No time like the present to lay down the law. "And if you scare her too badly, you'll be the one dealing with her nightmare. Tonight. By yourself. Instead of in bed. With me."

He opened his mouth and closed it. "Duly noted, El Capitan."

She giggled and walked over to give Sam a hug goodnight before taking the baby upstairs. "Lock up, Dean," she called behind her as she walked out of the kitchen.

She tried to calm the butterflies that were fluttering yet again as she quickly walked into the bathroom to start the tub for Bobby.

"Mom, will Dean and Sam be here in the morning?" Hope asked softly from behind her as she undressed Bobby in front of the tub.

Ryan turned to look at her daughter and nodded. "Yeah, they'll come back. I promise. You know I won't let them leave without you saying goodbye to them."

"Pinky swear?"

Ryan nodded. "Is there any other way?" She held out her pinky for Hope, who hooked hers and they shook on it. "Now, brush your teeth and stuff."

Hope got ready and gave both her mom and her brother kisses and hugs before she went to her room to get ready for Dean.

Ryan bundled the baby in a towel and carried him to his room and slipped him on a fresh diaper. She was reaching for the boy's sleeper when she heard the door bounce open. Figuring it was Hope, she continued getting Bobby ready when she was suddenly spun around and there was Dean, kissing her passionately.

It startled her more than she wanted to admit, but she breathed in his scent; man and leather and sex and she melted into his embrace. "Need you," he muttered. "Now."

"Dean…" she started softly, God, did she want him. But then his lips traveled to her neck where he bit her and she moaned. "Oh, God…Dean, stop." _Not here, give me like, five minutes, get the kids in bed, then I swear, I'll do things to you to make you question your sanity…_

"No," he ground out.

Well, that was…different. "Dean…"

"No," he stated, a bit more forcefully.

He pushed her into the changing table and growled as his hands continued their exploration of her. She was a bit scared, but more than that, she was pissed. How dare he come in here and just start manhandling her? She let herself go limp and then physically pushed him away. "I said no, Dean."

He stood there, blinking a moment, and she saw something in his eyes…like he wasn't all there, almost as if _he _wasn't there and it was someone else, some_thing_ else standing before her. He shook his head and looked at her. "What?"

The fear returned. Had she let a monster into her house? She hadn't done all the usual checks, but she had served them with her mother's silver. Had slipped them holy water into their drinks at the restaurant, and they had crossed the iron and stepped into and out of countless devil's traps underneath her carpets and rugs, but still, she was unsure. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to tell the kid a story. Don't worry, I won't scare the pants off her…"

Ryan just looked at him, uncertain. "Are you sure you're okay?" Whatever just happened, he was not _her _Dean.

"I said I'm fine."

She eyed him warily. "Christo," she muttered, just to be on the safe side.

His eyebrows knit. "What?"

She shook her head. _Ryan, it's been a while, you're being anxious for no reason. It's different because he's in your house with your kids. He's fine. You're overreacting…_"Nothing. Just…got a little spooked. Sorry. Go, tell her a story. I'll be in my room."

He glanced at her, then around her to see Bobby sitting on the changing table. His pajamas were half on, but it wasn't deterring him from his thumb, which was already once more in his mouth. "Night, bud."

"Da!" the boy agreed cheerfully, causing Ryan to smile uncertainly. She watched Dean walk out and blew out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. What was going on with him?

She shook her head and finished dressing the baby before hugging him tightly, muttering his prayers to him before she laid him down again. "Goodnight, baby. Mama loves you."

She walked to Hope's door and heard Dean enthusiastically telling about the time he and Sam once set a field on fire as kids and she smiled as she heard Hope's giggles. This was good for her, maybe even a once in a lifetime opportunity and she once more debated telling Dean the truth. It was hard to think of lying to him again. He knew where they lived now, he could come and visit more often, it could become a thing…

She sighed and her whole body felt exhausted. No. She couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't mess up his life. She had hers situated with the kids. She couldn't fuck his up by telling him about the children. He had his own shit to deal with, and from the exhausted looks on both the boys' faces, they were neck deep in some _serious _shit. She knew about the angels falling. She knew there were quite a few angels around now, and was once more thankful Gabriel and hidden her and Hope from sight. Bobby hadn't shown any signs of having The Grace yet, so as long as he was a normal little boy, he wouldn't need the sigils of protection from angels.

She brushed her teeth and got ready in just her simple cami top and Capri pajama pants and grabbed her book to read while she waited. Honestly, she wasn't certain why Jody thought this book was that good. It had been a while since she'd had sex, but this Christian Grey seemed like a douchebag to her and the sex scenes were a bit over the top. Of course, being held down and raped by demons as a child didn't often lead you to desire a sex life in Bondage and Domination as an adult, either. She was curling her nose at yet _another _gratuitous sex scene when she heard a soft knock on her bedroom door.

She looked up as she set the book down and watched as Dean walk in, shut the door, and flip the lock. "She asleep?" Ryan inquired.

"Almost."

He came over and stood shyly by the bedside, causing her to grin. "Please don't tell me this is going to be awkward."

"I don't do awkward sex scenes," he muttered as he toed off his boots and sat next to her on the bed.

She decided it was now or never. "Dean, what's going on with you?"

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You're…not you.

His left hand went to his right forearm and she noticed the gesture. Honestly, she had noticed him doing that all day, ever since the restaurant. Just a gentle touch, almost like remembering something, or feeling a pain. "What?" she asked.

"I, uh, I had to do something. There's some bad shit brewing downstairs, so I had to make sure I could handle the situation."

He said it so simply, but she felt a stab of fear run through her. He did something unnatural. Something bad. She knew it. "What did you do?"

He pulled his shirt sleeve up and showed an odd mark, one that looked like it had been branded into his skin. "It's the Mark of Cain."

Her eyes shot to his. "Cain? As in, like, Bible Cain?"

He nodded.

"Oh, Dean…" _You fucking dumbass! Why would you do something like this? _She didn't know what the mark meant, but she had the distinct impression nothing good could come of it.

"I don't regret it," he started stiffly.

She sucked in a breath and blew it out before bending and kissing his arm, right over the mark. It was warmer than the rest of his skin, she noticed. _Warm as hell, _she thought, but dismissed it. No, he wasn't aligning himself with demons. He did this to kill demons. Right? "You're an idiot," she murmured into his skin. It wasn't all she wanted to say to him, but it was enough for now. It was too late to talk him out of it. He had already done it.

"Not the first time I've been called that."

Her eyes moved back to his. She looked at him a long moment. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. She wanted to tell him not to go and do something stupid. She wanted to tell him those two kids were his. She wanted to tell him she loved him, because God knew she loved this fool of a man before her. She loved him with every fiber in her being and she would go to her grave loving him, even if he didn't and couldn't return that love. She had a million and one regrets and every one of them were things she couldn't say. So, she didn't. She didn't say, "I love you." She didn't say, "I've lied." She didn't say, "Those two great kids in there are yours." She couldn't. So, she said the only thing she could say. She leaned forward to kiss his lips and whispered against them, "I need you."

He grasped her ankle and pulled her flat on the bed, covering her. "You got me, babe."

She shorted. "Okay, Sonny."

"Not fucking funny," he growled as his hands moved to tickle her.

She had always been so damn ticklish. Hope and Bobby were both the same way. "Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!"

He stopped and grinned down at her. "Well, Cher was hot once upon a time, but I don't think I could rock that porn 'shache could I?"

She cocked her head to the side and looked at him with one eye. Porn 'stache? Why the hell not? "I don't know, Dean. I've seen you with long hair, if you could look halfway decent with that mop on your head, then there's a chance even the porn 'stache would look good on you."

He blushed and she grinned as the pink stained his cheeks. _Oh, what is he thinking? _She would have loved to have known.

Ryan reached up to place a gentle hand on his cheek. _I love you, _she thought_. _"It's been a while, Dean," she told him, bringing him back from wherever he had gone.

"How long?" he asked.

"A few months," she managed.

His eyes narrowed and she felt a thrill race through her. She had the feeling she was in for a ride tonight. He hadn't acted like himself, and she briefly wondered if the mark on his arm was the cause of it. Part of her was a tiny bit frightened, but the rest of her panted with want. _Yes! Take me! _she longed to shout. He trapped her arms above her head and looked down at her. "No other man better not have touched what is mine."

_Just because I _am _yours doesn't allow you to be barbaric over it, _she thought. "I don't recall belonging to you, Dean Winchester," she stated defiantly.

"You. Are. Mine." he growled as he bent his head to bite her neck again. "You're mine and no other man had better fucking touch you, damn it."

She tensed for just a moment before she realized she wasn't a helpless victim. Not to him, or to anyone else. Not anymore. She moved under him, using one of her favorite fight moves to flip them so she was on top. She stared down at him. "Is that a fucking fact? Well then, Dean, I suggest you fucking show me. Mark me as yours, damn it."

He let out a carnal snarl and sat up and ripped her top off of her before fisting both her breasts and she moaned as she dipped her mouth to his, biting his lip in the process.

"Fuck," he muttered as she began kissing down his face, down his neck, nipping at the skin there.

_Fuck that shit, Dean. You're fucking _mine_, and I'll show you. Your ass belongs to me and I'll take every bit of you tonight. _She wasn't sure why she was acting all cave-woman all of a sudden, but she liked it.

"Shit, Ryan," he murmured as her hands started pulling at his shirts. She got them off and ripped his undershirt as she tore it from his body.

"Need you," she repeated as her hands dove to the waistband of his jeans now that his naked chest was rubbing against hers. He felt like sin, like the best sin imaginable against her naked body, their skin heating and slicking as they continued to move and writhe. She felt his hips jerk as she unzipped his pants, tugging them just enough to expose him to the cool air of the room.

"Yessss," she murmured as she slithered down him to envelop him in her mouth. He tasted just as good as she remembered. Oh, how she had longed to do this to him again…

His body fell back, head hitting the wooden headboard as she sucked him in. "Damn, woman, you're going to kill me."

She nipped his tip just slightly and grinned as she slithered back up him. "Oh, I don't want you dead, Dean. I want you naked and wanting."

He flipped them and grasped both of her hands above her head again. "Oh, no, sweetheart. You're the one that will be naked and wanting."

Her eyes blazed. "Challenge fucking accepted," she murmured.

He stood in a shot, shucking out of his jeans. She felt like a lioness, like a reckless goddess as she sinuously slid her pajama pants and panties down her legs. She stretched wantonly and smirked up at him. "Well? I'm waiting."

He stopped and just looked at her for another moment. She knew her body looked slightly different than the last time he'd seen her. She was softer, just a bit rounder still. With her pregnancy with Bobby, she had craved sweets. She could never get enough sugar, it seemed, to the point she'd had to stop buying sweet snacks for Hope because she would eat them. It had taken time and energy to lose what weight she had, and the fact she wasn't hunting as often also didn't help matters, but it didn't seem to matter to Dean as he looked at her with nothing short of longing.

She watched him as he noticed her tattoo around her ankle where their children's names sat. "You are the most magnificent creature I've ever seen," he murmured.

She smirked back up at him, refusing the tears that were making their way into her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, flowery words, blah-blah-blah. Come fuck me, Winchester."

His eyebrow rose as he dipped down to her. "Your wish," he muttered as he teased her with a hip roll, causing her to whimper. "My command," he finished as he thrust.

It was an hour or so later she awoke to find him watching her. She smiled. "Are you…watching me sleep?"

He chuckled. "I could say 'no' but I'd be lying. I got up to take a piss and now I'm admiring your beauty."

She snorted. "Alright then."

He slithered down a bit so he was just barely propped against the headboard and she couldn't help herself as she moved her head to lay on his chest. She began drawing invisible doodles against the skin of his stomach. _If only we could do this every night. If only you could stay with me, or I could go with you…_She had the feeling that nothing would be the same now. He had that damn mark and she had the kids and…

"Penny for your thoughts?" he interruped.

She looked up at him. _None of that matters right now, Ryan. Live in this moment, right here, right now. Enjoy him for what he's giving you, for the few times you can be with him. Embrace that and forget the other crap. _She kissed him tenderly. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Life." It was an accurate enough statement, after all.

He blew out a breath. "That's…that's a lot of thoughts for so late at night."

She chuckled. They totally didn't need to get philosophical right now, but she kept talking. "Yeah, I guess so. I just…when I think about where my life has taken me…it's kinda unbelievable, you know?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"You know, I was just thinking a few days ago about that night in college," she admitted. She could still remember his every touch, every word, all of it. It may have been just another night for him, but for her, it was everything.

He smiled softly. "Yeah, that was something."

She looked at him again, really looked at him, and those gorgeous green orbs pierced hers. "It was a miracle I let you touch me, Dean. I don't know why I did."

"A moment of temporary insanity?" he offered.

She smiled. "Yeah, something like that." She laid her head back down on his chest and resumed drawing with her finger. She was silent only for a moment before she heard herself ask, "Do you…do you know what they did to me? That night?"

She felt him shake his head. "No. You never told me and I never asked. I had an idea, though."

She hadn't intended on telling him, she had never told anyone. But tonight, she felt like she could, like she might be able to get the words out. She wasn't sure why, but it was imperative he knew. "D-Do you want to know?"

He was quiet for a long time before he finally said, "If you feel like telling me."

She sucked in a breath and began her tale of woe.

Ryan awoke with an arm wrapped around her naked waist and Dean's breath gently tickling her neck. Her heart was so full. She had never told anyone what she had told him, what really happened the night with the demons. Truly, she couldn't believe he had stayed. If it had been her, she would have run, but he stayed, then he loved her so gently, it was like a dream, showing her new positions and new feelings she hadn't thought possible. They had talked, really talked, and she wished fervently Gabriel hadn't made her swear she wouldn't tell Dean about his children. The kids loved him and she loved him and she had no doubts in her mind he would love the children as well. Her, maybe not, especially when he realized she had lied to him, but she could live with that. She could live with him not loving her. But she couldn't live with the thoughts of him never knowing his kids.

It was still dark outside, and a glance at the clock showed they had hours yet before she had to get up and start her day. She smirked as she gently ground her ass against him and felt his grip tighten on her waist as he huffed out a breath. She began running her hand gently up and down his arm a few times until she felt him stirring behind her. She knew she should let him sleep; it was all too evident he was exhausted, but she couldn't help it. She needed him again. She grasped his hand and held it tightly as his lips began working her neck. "You're insatiable," he murmured as he ground his growing erection against her ass.

"Can't help it," she gasped as his fingers began toying with her nipples. "Need you."

"Not yet," he growled. "Just enjoy the ride."

"What are you-" she let out a long moan as his hand dipped into her. "Fuck," she panted as he began fingering her. "You're an evil bastard," she commented.

She could feel his smile against her neck as he chuckled. "I know."

She let out a whine as he began teasing her and her hips moved of their own volition as his tongue snaked out to lick the shell of her ear. "Stay still, or I'll stop."

"You wouldn't dare," she managed.

"Try me, cupcake."

"Bastard," she repeated.

He chuckled as his other hand found its way under her pillow, under her neck, so she was fully wrapped in his arms. That hand began the slow torture on her nipples as his other hand continued its ministrations.

She tried to stay still, but she couldn't. She ground against him, offering him some friction and he hissed out a breath. "Damn it, this one is for you, Ryan."

"No. I want you," she pouted.

"Fuck," he ground out as he sat up.

She expected him to turn her over onto her back, but when he slipped between her legs while she was still on her side, she gazed at him. "What are you…?"

She could make out his silhouette from the security light outside and saw his face light in a smirk. "Just go with it. You know I'll make you feel good."

He straddled one of her legs and wrapped the other around his waist. "I have no doubts about that," she told him as she felt him, so close to where she wanted him.

"Do you know what you do to me?" he asked as he bent to kiss her lips.

"Probably the same damn thing you do to me," she countered.

He chuckled at that. "True." He continued massaging down her back with the one hand as the other teased her clit.

"Dean, if you don't quit teasing me, I'm kicking you out of the bed and going to finish myself off."

He paused and grinned again. "Not that I wouldn't enjoy the hell out of watching you get yourself off, sugar, but I think I'd rather be the one to get you to the finish line."

"Then _move, _damn it!" she growled.

"So needy," he commented as he thrust, joining them once more.

"Holy fuck," she moaned as the sensations assaulted her. The difference in the angle, the position he'd placed her in, the teasing he had already done, had caused fireworks to go off within her immediately.

"Just hold on, I'm not finished yet," he promised.

She grasped the sheet in a clenched fist as he continued working her over. "Oh, God," she groaned. "Shit, shit, shit…"

He bent to her and claimed her mouth for a kiss and that change in the angle caused another orgasm to rocket through her.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered in her ear.

"Implicitly," she replied.

"On your stomach."

Her eyes shot open and she looked at him warily.

"Trust me," he all but purred.

She bit her lip and complied.

"There's my girl," he murmured as he got her into the position he wanted. Her ass was half-up in the air, she was on her knees and elbows, and she had done what she thought was best and gripped her headboard with both hands. "You're beautiful," he murmured as his hands traveled up her back, placing feather-light touches to her tattoo. "You know, I could almost imagine you an angel if I hadn't met so many douchy ones."

She giggled. "And you're such a tease, I could almost imagine you as a demon if it wasn't for the fact you're such a good man."

His hands stilled. "I'm not a good man, Ryan. I never was."

She sat up and grasped both his arms, wrapping them around herself. She leaned her head back onto his shoulder and looked up into his face. "Yes, you are, Dean. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. You're a good man. The best man. You're smart and funny and sexy and…" she bit the inside of her cheek before she silently added, _and I love you_. She couldn't tell him that, though, no matter what. But he could tell it by her actions.

He looked at her disbelieving for just a moment before his mouth fused with hers. When he pulled away, her hand found the Mark of Cain. "I don't like this, Dean. This thing…it scares me. But I know you know what you're doing, that you did it for the right reasons. Everything you do, you do for the right reasons. Don't forget that." She moved his hands up to her breasts. "Now, I believe I owe you a finish, Mr. Winchester."

He smiled and she closed her eyes so he couldn't see the tears forming there. She shouldn't love him this much, but God help her, she couldn't stop if she tried.

The next time she awoke, the room was beginning to lighten and she knew her alarm clock would be going off momentarily. She smiled at the man sleeping next to her. He always looked so damn innocent when he was sleeping. She bit her lip and resisted the urge to kiss him awake, deciding to get up and get ready for her day, instead. She turned over to flip off her alarm and winced as she moved. Dean had been like a fiend the night before, _in a good way, _she thought with a smirk. He had moved with a frenzy she hadn't expected yet thoroughly enjoyed. Dean usually treated her like she was made of spun glass, so for him to lose it and be a bit rough was new and thrilling. _Huh, maybe I'm a bit more like that little weakling Anastasia than I thought._ She held in a snort. No, she definitely wasn't. She was just at a different point in her life now and could appreciate rougher fucking than she had in her younger years.

That led her to thinking about what she had told him last night. She couldn't believe she had told him about the night of her attack, but she couldn't stop herself. She felt like he needed to know. It had been freeing to admit everything, to tell him all about her past. Even if she couldn't tell him about the kids, telling him about that night had been a good decision, one she hadn't believed she was conscious of making until she had done it.

She smiled again at the man still sleeping peacefully next to her. He looked ten years younger when he was asleep, innocent and sweet, like he had been when they were eleven. Of course, he hadn't been innocent even then. His world had ceased to be safe, all his naivety gone by the time he was five, but now his eyes held a world of weariness in them. His stint in hell, she felt sure, had something to do with that, along with all the times he and Sam had either died, or come close. She hadn't lived through that particular experience more than a few times in her life, for which she was eternally grateful to whoever upstairs was watching out for her.

She glanced at the clock and grimaced. Her and the kids morning would be starting soon, regardless of if the man in her bed stayed for more than another hour or not. She wanted him to. Last night, as they talked and made love, because that was what it was, love, she felt like he wanted it, too. She knew he couldn't. She didn't know what the deal was with that mark, but she had the feeling nothing good could come of it. And that terrified her. She would have to research it a bit and see what she could find. Maybe if she found something about it, she could call him, or Sam, and give them some kind of warning about it.

She silently slid from the bed, gathered her clothes for the day, and hurried to the bathroom. She turned on the water as hot as she could stand it and as soon as it was ready, climbed in, closing her eyes, relishing the heat in the spray as it caressed the soreness from her body.

She was just reaching for the shampoo when she heard a gentle knock on the shower door. She couldn't help the smile as she slid it open. "Yes?"

She watched, fascinated, as he licked his lips. "May I join you?"

She pretended to think about it for a moment before she giggled and grabbed his hand, pulling him in under the spray.

"Fuck," he muttered as the hot water beat down on him. She was worried it was too hot when he followed the curse with, "This is incredible."

"So are you," she murmured truthfully as she put her arms around his neck, bringing him down to her for a kiss.

"You're delectable," he growled as his hands traveled down her wet back to palm her ass.

"I, uh, God," she groaned as his lips attacked her neck. "I've dreamed about this."

His eyebrow rose and the side of his mouth lifted. "Is that a fact? Well, I guess we need to make that dream a reality, don't we?" He grasped under her thighs and she gave a little jump until her legs were wrapped around him and he pushed her into the wall.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she warned as she held onto his shoulders for dear life.

"Shower sex _is _fairly complicated," he admitted, "Especially if two people try to command it."

She shot him a grin. "Luckily, I'll let you be in control of the situation, Dean, since you're clearly an expert."

"Damn right. I'm the _specialist_."

"Wow me then," she challenged.

He thrust and she moaned as his hands squeezed her thighs. "See, the key here," he muttered as he thrust, "Is to keep aware of your surroundings."

_Aware? _The only thing she was aware of was the awesome sensations shooting through her. She would never look at her shower the same way again. "W-Why?" she questioned as she began moving her hands, running them over his short hair, down his neck, massaging slightly, before moving one hand to his nipples. She was fascinated by his nipples, she couldn't help herself. She wanted to nip and suck on them constantly.

"Fuck," he growled. "Damn it, woman, I'm concentrating."

She smirked. "What's the matter, Dean? Can't you do more than one thing at once? You're fucking me in the shower. Aren't you _the_ _specialist_?"

"Smart ass," he growled with narrowed eyes.

She smiled but the smile fell off her face as he began concentrating on her pleasure and before she knew it, she was right _there _at the edge before he pulled away and she whimpered, but only for a moment before he turned her and pulled her back flat against his chest. She let out a whimper and he smiled as he attacked her shoulders, nipping at the ink on her back. "If more angels were like you, I wouldn't have a problem with them," he told her.

She looked at him over her shoulder. "And if devils were more like you, women would throw themselves at them."

He chuckled as his hands traveled, one to her breast, and one down lower, to tangle in her curls. He positioned himself and she gasped as he thrust into her. "Fucking hell," she cried as his hands began moving in time with his thrusts and it took no time at all for them both to finish.

He pulled away then and turned her once more so she was facing him and he gently kissed her lips. "It also helps to have someone who is tall enough to line up appropriately with you."

She laughed at that. He was perfect for her, he really was. He quickly washed off and stepped back out of the shower, throwing a towel around his hips. "Go on and take your time. I'll just go get dressed."

She was overwhelmed with the sensations; with him in general, to be honest. "Thank you!" she called as he walked out of the room.

"Oh, you're more than welcome," she heard him reply.

She washed quickly and caught her reflection in the mirror as she stepped out of the shower. Her body was littered with a handful of bruises from the night before. They had done things she had never tried and wouldn't mind repeating. That second go around he had taught her of new pleasures she hadn't realized she would even _like _after she had opened up to him, and that third time? Hell, that was like something out of the fucking Kama Sutra.

She was once more glad she had taken up yoga in the past few months in addition to her usual workout to help her get back in shape after Bobby's birth. Otherwise, she would have been in a lot more pain. She downed a few aspirin to help combat the twinges in her muscles and vowed to spend more time training before she slipped on her clothes and walked out into her bedroom.

The bed was empty and she briefly wondered where Dean was when she heard him talking to Bobby on the monitor. "Hey, little man."

She felt her heart clench when Bobby answered, "Da!"

She heard Dean chuckle. "Is that all you know how to say? Huh? You trying to say my name? Dean. Duh-duh-Dean."

She rolled her eyes and finished getting ready, swiping on just enough makeup to look decent before she walked to Bobby's room. She watched the man with their son as he got the little boy dressed. He picked Bobby up and began humming and turned around, jumping slightly when he saw her standing in the doorway.

"Are you humming Metallica?" she asked with a smirk. She had noticed the cadence of 'Some Kind of Monster' that Dean was humming.

"It calms me, figured it would work for him, too."

She chuckled at that. _Only Dean Winchester. _Of course, she couldn't say much. She usually hummed classic rock to the kid, too, had with both of the kids, actually, only partly because she knew it was something he would have done."He likes 'Enter Sandman' actually, if you're going to hum Metallica to him."

"Kid's got good taste in music. I assume we can thank his mom for that?"

"Naturally."

"But not The Eagles."

She rolled her eyes again and blew out a frustrated breath. "Dude, you and Hope have got to let that go. I like The Eagles. Sue me." She couldn't help the fact her father's musical tastes influenced her, no more than she could help the fact that she secretly like Conway Twitty because her mom did. But she wouldn't provide that kind of ammunition to Dean Winchester. She'd never hear the end of it. "And furthermore," she tacked on, "I blame your father for your dislike of decent music."

"Hey!" he cried indignant. "Dad taught me a lot of decent stuff, Ry. It's not my fault your dad liked rockabilly crap."

Her eyebrow shot up. "'Rockabilly crap'? I know you did not just refer to one of the greatest bands of all time as 'rockabilly crap' like, like they're Nickelback or something!"

They both shivered at _that _comparison. Just then, they heard the sound of the Impala driving up and all of a sudden they also heard, "Mom! Sam and Dean are back!"

She turned to see an adorable blush blossoming its way across Dean's face. "You gonna tell the kid I spent the night?"

Oh, how she enjoyed this discomfort she was feeling thrumming from him almost like a physical heat. "Do _you _want to explain sex to my daughter, Dean?"

His eyes widened. "Uh…no. Sammy went on a doughnut run. I stayed here and watched Bobby while you showered. Good enough?"

She smirked and nodded. She figured she could let him off the hook this time. "Yeah, that works." She took the baby from him and kissed Dean's lips. It was imperative that Dean understood she was here for him, no matter what. "Dean, if you ever need me, you know I'm here, right?" she implored with her eyes for him to comprehend what she was saying.

He nodded. "Yeah, I know." She had the feeling he didn't, not really, but she let it go as he walked away to get his shoes and finish getting dressed.

Ryan quickly dashed down the steps in time to see Hope opening the door for Sam. At her furrowed brow, Ryan gestured up the stairs. Hope's eyes widened and Ryan shot her a look. She didn't need to discuss Dean spending the night right now. Hope shot her a look that for some reason made Ryan feel guilty, before they followed after Sam, who had taken the box of doughnuts into the kitchen.

Ryan blew out a breath as she plopped Bobby in his high chair and went to fix the pot of coffee. She had the feeling she was going to need it.

"Oh! Mom! Sam got Sandy's doughnuts! Awesome!"

"I did good?" Sam mused as he grabbed some napkins from the stovetop and sat them next to Hope. Ryan reached into the box and quickly cut one up on Bobby's tray for him. He looked as if he would start foaming at the mouth if he didn't get one in the next second or two.

"Yeah! They're terrific!" Hope enthused. Ryan smiled. The kid loved sweets, both her kids did. She so rarely let them have doughnuts for breakfast. She was glad Sam had thought of it.

"Glad you like them," he commented as he reached into the cabinet Ryan kept the plates in. At her raised eyebrow, he shrugged. "I'm observant."

Ryan chuckled under her breath as she finished setting the coffee maker and pulled out a couple of mugs. She made Bobby some milk, then made a glass for Hope as well. She heard Dean clomping down the stairs and rolled her eyes. _So much like his daughter, _she mused.

"Thanks for the doughnuts," Hope stated with a full mouth.

Ryan turned in time to see powder covering Hope's mouth. Sam chuckled and handed her a napkin. "No problem."

"I have fruit," Ryan told them as she pulled a few bowls out of the refrigerator.

"That sounds great, thanks, Ryan," Sam said before he took a sip of his coffee.

Dean went over to the coffee pot and grabbed a mug Ryan had sat out. His fingers brushed hers as she mixed some strawberries, melon, and grapes together for Sam. "Thanks," he murmured to her.

She looked up at Dean and smiled. "Thank _you_."

He grinned and sat down.

"Dean! Try one of these! Sandy makes the best doughnuts in three states!"

"Three states, huh? You sure? Because I've had some pretty good doughnuts in my day."

"Uh-huh, but they aren't Sandy's."

"Sandra Clare. She has a bakery in town. They really are the best," Ryan said as she sat down with her own bowl of fruit.

"You don't eat doughnuts?" Dean asked around a mouth full of fried dough.

Ryan wrinkled her nose. Just _smelling _them often gave her acid reflux. Ever since Bobby, she had been off them. Also, since Hope's pregnancy, she couldn't eat cucumbers or bacon. The bacon really bummed her out. But the doughnuts she could live without. "Uh…no. I love sweets as much as the next person, but fried dough is a little much for even me. My kids, however, don't have that problem."

Dean grinned and looked over at Bobby as the little guy shoved a handful of cut up doughnut into his mouth. "Looks like Mr. Bobby will need another bath when he's done," Dean commented with a chuckle.

Ryan laughed and nodded. "Yeah, probably. He's a little piggy, aren't you?" Ryan cooed as she tickled the baby's neck.

Breakfast was over all too soon for Ryan's liking. She kept glancing over at Hope, who had become sullen at the realization Dean and Sam would be leaving. Oh, how she wished she could tell Dean the truth and have them stay…

She got out a washcloth and cleaned up Bobby before they walked out onto the porch to say their goodbyes. She was grateful to Dean once more as he bent to give Hope a hug and a kiss on her forehead. Ryan could see the tears in Hope's eyes, but applauded her daughter for being so stoic as Dean basically walked out of the girl's life.

He took Bobby from her and hugged him too, then handed the baby to Sam, who looked like a deer in the headlights and she resisted the urge to giggle at his face. But then Dean was pulling her to him and she molded to him as he enveloped her in a bone crushing hug.

"Take care of yourself, Dean," she whispered into his ear. "I'm here for you if you need me. I've never changed my number. It's always there for you, tucked in your phone."

He just nodded and released her. She squeezed his arm right over the mark and let him go. She just watched as he walked to the car without looking back and slid behind the wheel.

Sam looked at her and whispered, "I don't know why he didn't see it, but are you ever going to be honest with my brother?"

Her brows knit. _He doesn't know, does he? He couldn't…_

He pursed his lips. "These kids are his, Ryan. The timeline fits. I'm smarter than I look."

She sucked in a breath and nodded. "You're a genius, Sam. I've always know you Winchester boys were smart."

"And so is his daughter," he said with a small smile at Hope, who grinned and tucked herself into her mom's side. "You look like your dad, Hope. But you're also smart like him. I've always told him he was smart, but he never believed me."

"Thanks, Uncle Sammy," she whispered.

He looked at the baby in his arms. "Well, Bobby, you do have big shoes to fill, but I think you can handle it."

"Sa!" the baby said with a giggle, causing Sam and Ryan both to smile.

"You can't tell him, Sam," Ryan implored. "It would kill him or it would mess with his head or both."

Sam nodded and passed the baby to Hope so he could also hug Ryan. "I think I can understand why you need to lie to him, just make sure these kids know what a great man their dad is."

"You call me, please?" she asked as she held onto him a moment more. "If…if something happens to him, I…I need to know, okay?"

"I will," he breathed into her ear before placing a kiss in her hair. He let her go and went down on one knee to give Hope a hug and kiss like Dean had.

Ryan was fighting a losing battle with her tears as she watched the younger Winchester walk to the Impala and get in the car.

"You think we'll see them again, Mama?" Hope asked as she slipped a hand in Ryan's.

"I hope so, baby." But even as she said it, she had a feeling they wouldn't. A deep pit of dread drilled itself in her stomach and refused to leave. "Come on," she managed. "We've got to get ready for our day…"

* * *

**AN2: And now the heartbreak starts...sorry in advance for the tears you'll shed. Love you all!**

**REVIEW OF PAPER MOON: Okay, who else loved getting back to the Monster of the Week this week? *raises hand* I'm pretty sure I loved everything about this episode. Only thing I wish I had seen? Dean apologizing to Baby for calling her just a car. Everything else was perfect. I'm hoping its in the outtakes or deleted scenes when season 10 comes out on DVD. Other than that? Perfection! I can't wait for the 200th episode! The extended preview looks SOOOOO good! Eeep! I just hate we have to wait a week. Stupid elections! Don't get me started on those. LOL. **

**Until next week, my lovelies! **


	17. Defying Gravity

**Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Supernatural. Which...may be a good thing. Pretty sure I'm not as good a storyteller. HOWEVER, I would LOVE to see our boys acting out my saga here...**

AN: Thanks to **fanpire.x** and **sunshine1984** and **froguandmeyahoo** for their great reviews as well as the guest. Thanks you guys! And to my two new followers, welcome!

Ya'll ready to have your minds blown? See, here's the thing…I'm not normal. And my stories aren't, either. So…strap yourself in. We're reaching one of those big hills on the rollercoaster of this story…

I'll be switching POV's a few times in this chapter. I didn't really want to, but it just worked better this way. Hope you can keep up! If not, feel free to ask questions! I'll try to fill in the gaps as much as possible.

* * *

**April Twenty-Fourth**

****Hope POV****

Hope gasped as she woke from the dream. It had seemed so real. Of course, it was real, wasn't it? The memories of her past life were coming to her more frequently now, showing her the way while they reminded her of who she was. It had been that way for the past month, ever since her father had come to visit. It was as if a switch had been flipped in her brain and she couldn't stop it if she tried. She sank her head farther into the pillows as her mind opened and she saw snippets of her past…

_**Flashback **_

"_Hello, sister," came the greeting from behind her._

_Hope smiled as she looked over the field of fledglings. She had been commissioned by The Father via Michael to oversee this particular group. They were so young, so eager for the life of an angel. "Hello, brother mine. How fare thee?"_

"_Quite well," he mused softly as he overlooked the thousand angels below them. "That one, he has a certain spark, doesn't he?" he wondered aloud._

_She looked at the youngest angel with the black wings and smiled. "Castiel. Yes, he certainly does." The smile fell from her face as she said, "He is troubling some of the others, Raphael especially."_

"_Why?"_

"_He questions."_

_Her brother's eyes grew wide. "Best not let Naomi get wind of it."_

_They both shivered. Naomi was the chief disciplinarian in the ranks of the seraphim and she was a brute. Her methods were…harsh. "That is why I have yet chosen to speak of it." She looked up into her brother's eyes. "But what are you about today? Having fun, no doubt." Her brother always had fun._

_He chuckled. "Yes, well, about that…" he came in front of her and grasped her shoulders gently. "Sister," he stopped and looked her in the eye. "Hope, if I were to go to Earth, would you join me?"_

_She blinked. She loved Earth. She loved humanity. And she longed for a chance to explore God's wonderful creation. She had yet to see it and it had been there for quite some time now. As a Virtue, she was not allowed outside of Heaven's gates. She and her sisters, Faith, and Love, were to stay within the walls. The other two looked at it as a privilege, but she felt it was a prison. A beautiful prison, no doubt, but a prison, none the less. "It is forbidden," she stated as she looked at the fledglings. _

"_Yes. It is."_

_Her eyes widened. "Gabriel…what you're suggesting…"_

"_Sister mine, I love you. I can not stand seeing you miserable. We are to be happy here, and you are not."_

"_And you, Gabriel? What you are suggesting…you are an Archangel! If you fall…"_

"_It is not falling. It is…an extended visit."_

"_You surely can not be considering…"_

"_I have my reasons," he stated softly. _

"_This is because of Lucifer."_

_He paused, then nodded. _

_She sighed. "I do not agree with Michael nor Lucifer on the subject. I am remaining neutral on the position."_

"_Exactly! As am I. We will be forced to take sides before long, Hope. There is discord amongst the ranks. Some will fall to be with one of our brothers, the others will remain here. I know not what will happen, but it will divide us."_

"_You do not think we will come away from this unscathed, do you, Gabriel?"_

"_I believe we are going to be forced to make a decision neither of us will be comfortable with."_

"_What you are suggesting…"_

"_It is a forever thing, Hope. Go with me. We will find vessels. We will travel the Earth. We will be happy. We can think for ourselves, we can…"_

"_Yes," she whispered._

"_Yes?"_

_She nodded. "Yes, Gabriel. I will go with you."_

_He smiled and grasped her hand. "Good. Let us go. Now. Before we are missed."_

"_But Father…"_

_His eyes clouded for only a moment, before he smiled. "Father will understand."_

_**End Flashback **_

She had never understood what he meant by that. "Father will understand." Surely He wouldn't have understood, would He? But then, He knew all, so Hope had no reason to doubt. And she had trusted Gabriel implicitly and still did. Which is why, when he came to her, eleven years ago, and asked her to go with him yet again, she didn't question it.

_**Flashback **_

"_Hey, bro, or sis? Which had you prefer?"_

_Hope shot him a look as she gazed down at her vessel. She had envisioned a beautiful maiden when they traveled to Earth, but Gabriel had a better idea. He informed her they could enter an empty vessel. When she had questioned it, he showed her the way. If you entered a vessel at the time of conception, before the soul found its way into it, you could steal the vessel and be born a human angel. She had been wary, but he assured her it would be fine. Unfortunately for her, she chose a vessel that was male. She smiled ruefully. "Eh, well, being Dionysus has been fun. I do so enjoy the Greek God lifestyle."_

"_I'm calling bullshit, sis," he managed as he grabbed a candy bar from his pocket. He handed one to her and she eagerly took it. _

"_Thanks, Gabe. I love chocolate."_

"_Heard you also like wine."_

_She let out a snort. "You should know, Loki," she teased. "Do you not enjoy some of the fruits of my labor?"_

"_I do." _

_They sat on a park bench and Hope sighed. "So, brother mine, why did you call me here?"_

_He hesitated and she put her hand on her hip. "Gabriel, what is going on?"_

"_Do you trust me?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "You know I do."_

"_Good. Then come with me." _

"_Where are we going?" _

"_To the past," he stated simply. _

_She blinked. "You're taking me time traveling? Wow. Well, give a girl, or boy, rather, a good time, why don't you?"_

_He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go."_

_The scenery changed before them and she found herself sitting on the same park bench. "Gabe…" _

_He put a finger to her mouth, silencing her. He inclined his head toward two young women walking into the park. Each had a baby stroller with a child no more than a few months old in it. They passed right by Hope and Gabriel without seeing them, since they were hidden away using their angel powers. _

"_See those two?" Gabriel asked her._

"_The women?"_

"_No, the children."_

_Hope blinked. "Who are they?"_

"_Important."_

_Her brows knit. "Important, how?"_

"_Let's just say that the boy has a destiny."_

_At that, she scoffed. "Destiny? Surely you jest. We haven't handed out destinies in years, Gabriel. And even if we did, how would you know of it?"_

_He shrugged and remained quiet. _

_She gazed at him a moment, reading him. "You know something you aren't telling."_

_At that, he chuckled. "Don't I always?"_

_She smiled. "Indeed." She gazed at the two women who were now swinging the little ones in baby swings. That was one thing she wished she had been able to do. In a male vessel, of course, she could not bear children, but even as a female, she would not be able to. When an angel overtook a female vessel, they were unable to reproduce. She knew it was to prevent the creation of nephilim, but still, it stung to be unable to feel life blooming within you. It made her slightly jealous of humans in that aspect. Of course, she could rip out her grace, live out a full human life, but she enjoyed the power too much. She couldn't willingly give that up. So power won over vanity in that. _

"_Penny for your thoughts?" Gabriel asked._

_She took a large bite of her candy bar and chewed thoughtfully. "Just being selfish," she commented. _

_He smiled. "What if I told you I wanted to change history. Would you do it with me?"_

_She shrugged. "I fell with you, Gabriel. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, my brother. We aren't close now, not like we were in Heaven, but I would still give my life for you. I love you."_

_He smiled. "Good."_

_**End Flashback **_

Hope stood and walked to the bathroom to get a drink of water. It was all trickling in…little bit by little bit, she was remembering. She was an angel. An angel named Hope. The Virtue, Hope. She had fallen with Gabriel and entered "witness protection" as he called it. Once she arrived on earth, she found the vessel of Dionysus, the unborn son of Zeus and Semele, and was born into the world as Zeus' immortal child. Dionysus became known as the god of fertility and wine, inventing wine and spreading the art of tending grapes.

In Dionysus' body, she had a dual nature. She brought joy and divine ecstasy, but also brutal, unthinking rage. But she had a big heart and felt sorry for her vessel's mortal mother, going to fight Thanatos to bring Semele back to Mount Olympus.

Her life as Dionysus hadn't been easy, but it was easier than living with making a choice between Michael and Lucifer. How she had cried the day Lucifer had been cast out. He was sweet, loving, kind. He had a temper, most of the archangels did, but he was jovial. At least, he had been. In his absence, Heaven lost some of its luster. Michael, who had always been his best friend, became a shell of himself, choosing to war and rage rather than love and care. That was what tipped her hand in saying 'yes' to Gabriel in the first place.

She became Dionysus and though she had both joy and rage within her, she managed to find a balance. She did many good things as Dionysus until she finally grew weary of the everyday life her followers had thrust upon her and slipped away into the unknown. She held onto the form for quite a long time before she met up with Gabriel, who was wearing the vessel of Loki. She remembered then, they traveled together off and on for centuries, often meeting up and getting into mischief, before going their separate ways for decades or even centuries at a time. The gods of old soon went out of fashion for technology and movie stars and Hope was honestly glad. She enjoyed being Dionysus, but at the same time, was relieved she no longer had the 'god' status. It had always felt particularly blasphemous to her. She still loved her Father. She was just living her own life. At least, that was how she oft justified it.

When Gabriel sent a message to her and had asked her to meet him at the park in Lawrence, Kansas, U.S.A. she had been intrigued and had eagerly gone to meet him. It was a lonely life as a former angel and former god. Being on the lamb had long since lost its appeal.

After they went to the past, she had only grown more confused as he talked about the boy having a destiny, but she listened, open minded as he said he had a plan, one that involved the two children falling in love. Gabriel told her he had been working with the girl's parents, guiding them to the spot where they had fatefully met the other's parents at the hospital pregnancy clinic.

_**Flashback**_

_Hope watched in rapt fascination as the cupid approached the children and gently touched each at the same time, cooing over them as she shot them both with her arrows, marking them as soul mates. Hope gasped. "I've never seen soul mates marked before." She turned to Gabriel. "What happened next?" _

_His face was a mask of sorrow. "Now the bad things in their lives begin."_

_She was confused. "Why let there be bad things in their lives? They are soul mates now, Gabriel. Let them live together in happiness."_

_He shook his head. "That's not how it's supposed to be, Hope."_

_**End Flashback **_

She felt a tear slip down her face. She _was_ her namesake, after all. She always had hope in a happy-ever-after. It was just her way. But now…she didn't know if that would ever come to pass.

She flipped on the light switch and looked at herself in the mirror. She was now in a ten-year-old human body. She hadn't believed it when Gabriel told her more of his plan…

_**Flashback **_

"_Gabriel, now that they are soul mates, they are to be separated?"_

"_Unfortunately, yes." He stood and grasped her hand. _

_She took it with furrowed brows. "Now where are we going?"_

"_To our next destination. Eleven years from now." He grasped her hand and they arrived in a hospital corridor. _

"_Gabe…?" she questioned softly._

"_We've got to warn away a Reaper."_

_Hope's eyes grew wide. "You never said we were going to be dealing with a Reaper!" Their reaper brethren kept to themselves for the most part. Once Death had been locked away until such time of the apocalypse, it had complicated matters for them. They took their orders from the scribe for the book of Life and Death. _

"_Work with me, here, Hope!" he hissed under his breath as a young girl was wheeled past them. _

"_Multiple lacerations over 40 percent of her lower body, evidence of sexual trauma, multiple broken bones and contusions…I don't know how this kid is even still alive," the EMT said as the child was wheeled into a room. Just then, there was a loud beeping noise. "Damn it, we're losing her!"_

_Hope shivered as she felt the Reaper's entrance. "Tessa?" she asked. _

"_Hope?"_

_Hope smiled. Tessa was nice, even though she had a really shitty job. Though, as a Reaper, she didn't look at it that way. They were wired to accept their jobs and love ushering others into the veil. _

"_Tessa, this child can not go with you."_

_Tessa blinked. "Gabriel? What are you…?"_

"_I am on a special mission."_

"_You fell…"_

_He grinned ruefully. "Not all is as it seems, kid. I am here to protect this child. She must live."_

"_Those are not my orders."_

"_And I'm ordering you to stand down."_

"_Gabriel…"_

_His eyes flashed blue. "Do you challenge me, an Archangel?"_

_She took an automatic step back. "N-No sir…"_

"_Good. Then be gone, Tessa. I will see to the child."_

_She gave him a half-bow and disappeared. _

_Hope chortled. "Good one."_

_He shrugged and walked to the child. "Poor kid," he murmured as the doctors worked around her. He touched her ankle and it restarted her heart. "She's going to have one horrible life for a while."_

"_She is the girl from the stroller. The one we saw, only moments ago, is she not?"_

_He nodded. "Ryan Fawcett."_

"_And she is important?"_

"_Yes."_

_She was growing weary of his clipped answers. "Who was the boy?"_

"_Dean Winchester. He is The Righteous Man."_

_Hope gasped and began shaking her head. "No, damn you, Gabriel! You are _not _getting me mixed up in the damn _apocalypse_!"_

"_It isn't just that, Hope. There are other things going on here…"_

"_Like what? Like the fact my wings will be roasted, extra crispy, if Michael gets wind of any of this?"_

"_Michael's busy and will continue to be busy. I've seen the future, I've seen the past. This…I'm leveling the playing field!"_

"_HOW?!" she cried. _

"_By not sitting there and taking it! I'm not going to be butt fucked with this, Hope, and I don't want you to be, either."_

"_Wh-What are you going to do?"_

_He glanced down at the girl on the gurney with narrowed eyes. "First, I'm going to make sure she lives. Then, I've got a special job for you."_

_**End Flashback **_

Hope grabbed her Tinkerbelle cup and filled it with water. Gabriel hadn't asked her to do the impossible, but what he had asked her was hard enough. She didn't regret it, not for a million years. This life…this life was terrific. She just wished she could do _more_.

_**Flashback **_

_Gabriel grasped her hand. "Come. It is time for you to make the decision."_

_She pulled her hand from his. "What decision, Gabriel?"_

"_The decision that changes your life forever."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Way to be melodramatic, Gabriel," she growled._

_He chuckled and grasped her hand again. "Go with it," he muttered as they appeared in front of a motel. _

_Her eyebrow rose. They were in her present, she could feel it. Where, exactly, they were, she wasn't sure. Somewhere…Louisiana? Near New Orleans? Whatever were they doing down here? It could be fun, though. She did enjoy debauchery as much as the next person. "Nice place," she deadpanned. _

"_Ha, ha, ha. Just wait."_

_The sun was just rising and Gabriel went to sit on the hood of an old black car. "Wait here for a few minutes."_

"_Why?"_

_He shot her a look. "Humor me."_

_She sighed, but sat with him. "What's going on?"_

"_Look," he commented. _

_Her gaze turned to the two humans emerging from the little diner. "So, we'll go find these witches and deal with them," the man was saying. _

_Hope gasped as the two drew closer. "Is that…?"_

_Gabriel nodded. "It is."_

"_They found one another!"_

_Gabriel winced. "Sort of."_

"_Just let me grab my ankle holster from the trunk," Ryan stated as she approached the car they were sitting on. "I'm not entirely sure the other two are the smart ones, or we got the biggest, baddest of the bunch earlier."_

"_Good thinking. You've already been hit with a hex bag. We don't need to take any chances," Dean told her as she rummaged around in the trunk. _

_Ryan scoffed as she pulled out a weapon. Hope was fascinated as Dean tried to discretely watch Ryan's long leg prop up on the bumper of the car so she could strap the holster on above her boot. "Don't be such a pussy, Dean. I'm fine, obviously. After all, I did choke down every scrap of my breakfast and part of yours."_

_Dean grinned. "Yeah, and let me add how fucking hot it is to see a woman actually eat."_

_Ryan let out a half-giggle as she slammed the trunk shut. "Well, I'll say one thing for you, Winchester, you're easy to please."_

"_You say that like it's a bad thing," he pouted as he opened the passenger door to his car for her._

_She looked at him in surprise for just a moment before she smiled and grasped his chin in her forefinger and thumb. "No, not a bad thing at all."_

_Hope blinked as the two got in the vehicle sitting next to the one she was currently perched on. "They are so in love. I've never actually seen this happening before. Sure, I have seen soul mates, but not this, them falling in love. It is so exciting!"_

"_Too bad it won't last."_

_Hope's brows furrowed. "Why wouldn't it?"_

_Gabriel stood from the car and made himself visible. "How about I treat you to breakfast, then we can talk. We have an hour or so before they come back."_

_She, too, made herself visible and followed him to the diner. She couldn't imagine where this conversation was going to take her. _

_**End Flashback **_

If she had known, she still wouldn't change it. No, she couldn't change it. Not now. This meant too much. She still didn't understand it all, not yet, but she realized she had a bigger part to play.

_**Flashback **_

_Hope took a sip of her juice and glared at Gabriel, who was currently stuffing his face with pancakes. "Wait, so, you want me to poof into this woman's unborn child on the off chance she'll decide to keep it? Gabriel, I know you aren't stupid enough to think…I mean…I realize this plan of yours might work, but what if she decides to terminate the pregnancy? In this day and age…" She sighed. "She is a hunter! They aren't known for being child-friendly!"_

"_She will keep the baby. She can't have one. The demons damaged her too badly. She had a partial hysterectomy at the age of eleven. She will want this. I'll make sure she wants it."_

"_And, let's just say she doesn't…what then?"_

"_I'll get you back into your vessel, Hope, I promise."_

_She blew out a breath as the waitress came over and topped off her water. "Let's just say for shits and giggles, I agree to this. Gabriel, what do you want me to do? Start over? As a human child? Why? Why can't I do good now, as I am?"_

"_You need the bloodline, Hope. I need the bloodline."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

_He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Lucifer will kill me if I don't do this, okay?"_

"_Luci – Gabriel! What are you talking about?"_

"_I went further into the future, just took a peek. I had to."_

"_You know you aren't supposed to. It is forbidden for a reason. Going back, changing the past, we can do that, but the future…we aren't to know our own destinies."_

"_Hey, it's not like it's a new thing, Hope. Others have done it, will do it."_

"_And…" she closed her eyes in frustration. "To do this, Gabriel…I will be a child. I won't be able to help with the fight…"_

"_You aren't supposed to. Not yet."_

"_You are so…so infuriating!"_

_He smiled. "Since when is that a surprise?"_

_She blew out a breath. "Okay, so, say I do this, I become this child…I will have the bloodline of…?"_

"_Michael, Lucifer, and myself."_

_She blinked. "What, are you trying to create a group of super angels, Gabriel? The Cadillacs of vessels?"_

_He chuckled. "Basically. See, the Winchester bloodline mixed with the Campbell bloodline. That created the perfect vessels for Michael and Lucifer. However, I know how the story plays out."_

"_And you won't tell me."_

"_Naturally."_

_Her eyes narrowed and she muttered, "As I said; infuriating."_

"_You love me."_

"_You know I do."_

_They were both silent for a moment. "What will you do, Gabriel?" she asked softly._

"_What I have to."_

"_And me?"_

"_Say yes, take the vessel. Be born a human angel. I will not steal your grace, I'll just diminish it. It will slowly trickle back to you. I know a spell…"_

"_Dark magick," she spat. _

"_Like you've never used it," he shot back at her._

_She nodded thoughtfully as she sipped her water. "True. I have. But not with my own life!"_

"_It will all work out as it's supposed to."_

_Just then, Hope caught a glimpse of the black car pulling back into the parking lot. She watched as the man and woman got out. They began kissing at the door before they made their way inside. "They are consummating their relationship now?"_

"_Oh, no, they did that already, years ago."_

"_Did you inform either of them that once soul mates give themselves to the other, they are married in the eyes of heaven?"_

_Gabriel chuckled. "Nah, we'll let them figure that one out on their own."_

_Hope sighed. "I will never know my vessel's father, will I? She will run, will she not? Run away from him, and not stay by his side."_

_Gabriel nodded slowly. "It isn't an ideal situation, but he has to live his life as it is foretold. She, too, will live her life, the one I've given her. She'll raise you, and then, when the time is right, other children."_

"_Other…Gabriel! You are going to do this with other angels?"_

"_Not necessarily…"_

_She held up a hand. "The less I know, the better. You're talking me into this, but you're giving me another shot at life. I was growing weary of this one, and you knew that, didn't you?"_

_He smiled and grasped her hand. "I know you, sis. I know how your mind works."_

"_And I know so little of yours. We have been siblings for millennia, Gabriel, yet, I feel as though I don't know you at all."_

_He winked. "Let's just say there is a reason I overtook Loki's form."_

_She looked out the window. "You speak so little of that time. I do not know much of Loki's past, either."_

"_With good reason," he murmured. "I'm not a great person, Hope."_

_She placed a hand on top of his, which was still situated on top of her other as their eyes met. "You are good enough for me, brother mine."_

"_Say that now. Just wait until you realize what I do to your new daddy…" Her eyebrows shot up and he grinned. "Well, no need to spoil the surprise."_

_She rolled her eyes as she pulled her hands away from his. She felt sure they were getting odd looks, two men sitting there, holding hands. "You're insufferable."_

"_I know." He tossed some money down on the table and stood. "Shall we? Destiny awaits."_

_She sucked in a breath. "Well, you've often led me astray, but never to my ultimate demise." She smiled. "Let's do it."_

_**End Flashback **_

And so, Hope had taken on a new vessel, and had been born into this world as Hope Deanna Winchester. As memories flooded her from her past, her present was changing. She wasn't sure what flipped the switch in her memory banks, but she had the distinct impression it was the visit from her father. Something was wrong with Dean Winchester. She could sense it, though she had never actually met him, had never seen him in real life outside of the time he was an infant in a stroller and once in New Orleans when she and Gabriel were hiding in plain sight. But now, she knew there was something wrong with him. He was The Righteous Man no more. There was an air of evil around him, _in _him that she couldn't quite place. He was human, but there was something slightly demonic about him as well. Only time would tell what that meant for her.

She walked back down the hall and glanced out the window at the end. The sun was rising. It would soon be time to get ready for school. Might as well go ahead and do it now. She sighed. She loved school, but they were having another spelling test today. It seemed even angels could have crappy grades.

She walked past her mother's door and heard the sounds of retching. Every morning for the past week, her mother had thrown up. She might only be ten in this current body, but Hope had a feeling she knew what that meant. She was going to have another sibling. She knew her dad had spent the night. She knew what grown ups did behind closed bedroom doors. Her mom had told her when she started asking questions. Memories of _those _types of things hadn't come back to her, yet, but that didn't mean she was caught unawares.

She crept down the hall to her brother's room and walked inside. Bobby was sleeping peacefully still, unaware of what was coming, what had come to pass. She smiled despite herself at the baby. They were siblings, now by the blood of their vessels as well as the gift of their grace. "Gabriel, what have you gotten us into?"

* * *

**That same morning…**

****Ryan POV****

Ryan lifted a heavy head from the toilet and blinked. She didn't need a calendar, she didn't need a test, she just knew. "Fuck," she muttered as she stood and made her way to the sink to splash water on her face. "Damn it all," she growled as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes had dark circles under them and she looked as pale as death Himself. "I am not a fucking brood mare!" she shouted at the mirror. "Damn you, Gabriel! I shouldn't have to do this alone again!"

The sobs started then and she sank to the floor and cried.

She wasn't certain how long she held her little pity party before she heard her alarm clock going off in the bedroom, signaling her time to get up and she knew Hope would be waking up as well. She swallowed hard and attempted to calm her swimming head as she stood. Dizziness within the first two months of pregnancy were always her first clue, and it was a bitch, too, so she closed her eyes and willed her legs to cooperate as she walked, hand on the wall, out into her bedroom. She opened her eyes and when the room didn't swim, she pulled on a pair of jeans, a tank, then her long sleeved tee before finally settling on a sweater over that. She was shivering, another symptom. She could never regulate her temperature when she was expecting and she dreaded the next eight months for that very reason.

She slid her feet in her boots, fighting the rolling nausea as she tied them, then she went to knock on Hope's door, making sure the kid was getting dressed.

She made her way to Bobby's room and looked down to see him still sleeping peacefully. She smiled at him and left him resting for a few more moments and made her way downstairs, choking down a few saltine crackers to help ease her stomach as she called Bo. He answered on the third ring. "Bo, I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling too hot. Can you open for me today? I'll make it up to you."

"Sure boss, no biggie. Get the kid to school and rest. Need me to take her for you?"

She smiled. Bo was one of the sweetest guys. She was really going to have to hook him up with someone and briefly wondered if Renee at the daycare was dating anyone. Despite his wild hair and his…odd fashion sense, he was a decent person and was trying to better his life. He was already enrolled in the local college, taking some business classes. He had ambition, he had drive, just no direction yet. Ryan was hoping to help him with that as well. "That's okay. I think I'll make it, but I appreciate it."

"No prob, boss. Let me know if I can help ya with anything else, 'kay?"

She nodded into the phone. "Can do, Bo."

She heard Hope moving around upstairs and went back up, feeling better now, to get Bobby dressed and ready for the day.

"Hey, kiddo," she said as she passed Hope in the hall.

"Morning, Mom."

Ryan's eyebrow rose and she stopped her daughter to look at her. "Are you okay, Hopey?"

The little girl nodded. "I'm fine. I didn't sleep good. I kept having weird dreams."

"Want to talk about them?"

Hope shrugged her shoulders. "Nah. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

Hope nodded and wrapped her arms around Ryan's waist. "I love you, Mom. I love you a bushel and a peck."

Ryan smiled as she hugged her daughter back. "And a hug around the neck," Ryan finished the rhyme as she closed her eyes and a tear fell out onto Hope's hair. The past month hadn't been easy for either of them. Since Dean had come into their lives and left again, Hope had seemed different. She seemed simultaneously more grown up, and more childlike. It was confusing, but Ryan knew she just had to sort things out inside her little head. Knowing the truth about Dean was a hard burden for such a young child, but Ryan had seen no way around it.

"Come on, butterbean, let's get ready for our day."

"Okay, Mommy."

Ryan watched her walk away with an odd feeling in her heart. She had wanted these kids lives to be so normal, but normal was just an illusion, wasn't it? She sighed and walked into Bobby's room to get him up and ready.

In the car, Hope asked if they could listen to the Wicked soundtrack. Ryan smiled. She, Jody, and Hope had gone to see the touring production of the play a few months before at the performing arts center. Hope had been fascinated with the music and the saga of the wicked witch. Of course, now that Ryan knew the wicked witch was real, it did make her wonder if all villains had their own tragic back story. That made her think of Garth. Was he a villain, just because he was a werewolf? It was out of his control. It made her wonder if, perhaps, they all killed too many monsters that weren't monsters at all. That was food for thought she'd have to chew on another day. Besides, it wasn't like she could go hunting now that she realized she was pregnant. Nope, hunting was definitely going onto the back burner yet again. She sighed, but at Hope's close scrutiny, she put on a smile and sang along to their favorite song; "Defying Gravity".

"This song is awesome," Hope commented as it went off.

Ryan nodded. "It is."

"You think the witch really wasn't quite as wicked as Dorothy made her out to be? Or is this a work of fiction?"

Ryan thought a moment before she responded. "You know, I don't know. Trying to kill someone is never the right answer, certainly not for vengeance. Justice is one thing, but vengeance is a whole other creature." She thought of Dean. "Occasionally you have to do bad things for a good reason." The thoughts of that mark on his arm made her shiver. "Sometimes it leads to your ruin," she finished softly.

Hope was quiet after that and it felt to Ryan as though a dark cloud followed them to the school. After dropping Hope off, noticing the kid still didn't seem to be herself, and taking Bobby to daycare, she made her way to the Sheriff's station. She couldn't handle any more morose thoughts. Not right now. No, she had something more important to deal with.

"Good morning, Frank" she said to the deputy working behind the desk. She gently placed the scones she'd made the night before on the desk. "Brought you guys something."

"Thank you, Miss Ryan," he said with a smile. "You here to see the boss?"

"If she's got a minute," Ryan said warmly. Everyone that worked for Jody was so nice. It was a shame she was going to have to kill her.

Her smile stayed plastered to her face as she walked through, murmuring hello to a few other people before she stopped before her friend's door.

She knocked, and when she heard Jody's cheerful, "Come in!" she slipped inside, taking great care to shut the door behind her, flipping the lock.

"Hey," Ryan said softly.

"Hey, girl, happy birthday!" Jody looked up from her paperwork and her eyes grew wide. "Ryan? What's wrong? You look terrible."

Ryan narrowed her eyes as she pulled her gun and knife from their holsters. She held them both up for inspection before she sat them on the edge of Jody's desk. "I'm going to kill you, Jody," she whispered threateningly. "Do you want it by knife or gunshot? I'll make it fairly painless. Don't worry. I'll get off since it will be a justifiable homicide and I promise I'll raise Annie for you."

Jody shot her a look, crossed her arms, and sat back in her chair. "Well, look who is playing drama queen this morning. Have a seat, sugar. You want coffee?"

Ryan felt the bile rising in her throat and just shook her head as her eyes watered.

Jody sat a bit straighter. "God, Ryan, what is wrong with you?"

_And…cue the sobs, _Ryan thought as the tears spilled over. "I'm pregnant!" she cried as she collapsed into the chair in front of Jody's desk.

Jody blinked in shock before her face became a mask of concern as she stood and came over to her friend. "Oh, Ryan, honey, when I sent the boys over, it wasn't for you to get knocked up again!"

Ryan hiccupped and laughed as the tears continued to flow. "I know, I know…"

Jody hugged her tightly. "It was still Dean, wasn't it?"

"Jody!" Ryan yelled, laughing once more, this time her tears had slowed almost to a stop. She wiped her cheek with her hand. "God! Yes, it's Dean. It's always Dean."

"Okay, good. I mean, Sam's cute and all, but you need to stay focused on one Winchester at a time. No need to confuse the kids."

Ryan hiccupped once more. "Thanks for that. I needed the laugh." She took a stuttering breath. "What the fuck am I going to do, Jody?"

"Looks like we're going to need to go shopping for baby stuff."

Ryan gave her a watery smile. "I'm terrified. Man, to think of doing this again…to have three kids right by myself…"

"You won't be alone. You have me. You have Annie, and you know she just finished her CPR certification and she's surprisingly good with kids…we can help you. We're stubborn women. We don't need no man."

Ryan laughed again. "You're right. We'll make it, won't we, Jody?"

Jody nodded. "We sure will. I promise. It's six of us against the world."

Ryan took in another breath to calm herself. "Okay. Let's do this."

* * *

**June Fifteenth**

**Hope POV**

_How quickly time makes fools of us, _Hope thought as she heard her mom in Bobby's room, getting him ready for daycare. Her grace was growing each day. Something was coming. Something she was not entirely certain she was prepared for. Something she felt, deep within her, she did not want. There was a change on the wind. She had also begun to hear angel radio off and on, just little snippets that led her to believe this angel fight would get worse before it got better. She longed to get in touch with Castiel, her father's angel, but she knew he was busy mounting up a fight against Metatron. The chatter had informed her of that. Oh, how she longed to join in the fray. She wasn't a fighter, hadn't been, while in Heaven, but here, now, with all her experience on Earth, she had fought in Dionysus's body and Ryan was training her in this one as well. She could handle herself should she need to.

"Hope! Come on! You're working at the diner with me today, remember?"

Hope smiled. She enjoyed working at the diner. It gave her a chance to play with her healing powers, just a little bit. A touch here, a word there, and people left her mother's diner feeling much better than when they walked in. That was something she wasn't telling, not yet. She knew Ryan had enough on her plate, with another baby on the way. Hope didn't feel right with burdening her mom about the grace making its way more firmly into Hope's life, nor did she feel the need to tell Ryan about her surfacing memories.

"Coming, Mom!" Hope yelled as she finished brushing her hair. She loved it when her mom braided it, but she had begun fixing her own hair in the morning to help her mom out. Bobby was growing like a weed and had begun talking more as well as climbing even more than before. Ryan had moved him into a toddler bed a few weeks ago. Hope had helped her assemble it. She was good with tools, just like her mom. Anything Ryan didn't know how to do, she learned, and that same worth ethic transcended to her daughter as well. Bobby was adjusting surprisingly well to the new bed. Hope could tell he still didn't realize he was Gabriel, but she felt sure he had a few years before that happened. There was something interesting about him, though, Hope had noticed. He wasn't _just _Gabriel. Not that he was evil or anything, but there was definitely something _more _to him than just being a human angel.

Hope looked at herself in the mirror one more time. She knew she was pretty, even at ten, she knew that. She had a smiling face, a sprinkling of freckles across her nose, and the brown eyes of her mom. She looked like a Winchester, too, that much was evident. Bobby looked less like her every day and more like their mother. She wondered what the other little one would look like.

She walked out into the hall and met up with her mom. "Aren't you ready yet?" she teased.

Ryan shot her a look. "Ha. You think you're something, Miss Growny-McGrownerson, but you aren't. Not yet."

Hope giggled and grasped Bobby's hand. "Come on, Loki, let's get you downstairs. Mama will make your cup of milk.

"Milk. And Chocolate!" the boy shouted.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Yes, Bobby, and chocolate. Thanks, Hopey."

Hope shrugged. "No problem." She watched her mom walk down the stairs and Hope began helping her brother. He was independent, though, and pulled his hand away. "No, 'Opy. Me do's it!"

Hope sighed. "Fine. You do's it." She stayed one step ahead of him in case he fell and by the time Ryan arrived back with Bobby's sippy cup, they were standing at the door, waiting.

"Good timing."

"You owe me," Hope groused.

Ryan kissed her forehead. "I owe you a million, kiddo."

They made their way to Demon and Bobby clapped as Ryan gunned the engine. "I'm so glad we took Demon today!" Hope shouted, almost as excited as Bobby. She loved the raw power the older car had. If the windows were down and she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine she was flying again…

Ryan ran Bobby in to daycare and then they hurried to the diner to start their day. It was normal. Life was normal.

Or at least, it was, until Hope got a splitting headache and heard an echoing voice say, _"Hello? This is Metatron."_

She flinched and grasped the table she was standing at.

"Hope? Are you alright?" Mrs. Russo asked.

Hope shook her head and blinked. "Yeah, thank you, Mrs. Russo, I'm fine…" She hurried back to the counter and ducked into her mom's office. She managed to sit just as Metatron began talking again.

"_I'd like to take a moment to welcome you all back. I want you to know how moved I am that you've accepted me as your new God. My heart, as they say, is full, which is why I want to share some wonderful news with you. I'm going on a short trip. Heaven's door will remain temporarily closed pending my return, but rest assured, all will be explained. And it will be…Glorious."_

"Hope?" Ryan asked softly from the door.

"Mom," Hope called weakly, standing from her mother's office chair.

"Hopey!" Ryan ran to her and hugged her tightly. "Are you okay?"

Hope nodded uncertainly. "I…I think so…"

"What's wrong?"

"I heard…angels. The angel radio…Metatron…" She had heard through gossip Castiel had given up his army and walked away. Word was, it was because of Dean Winchester, but Hope knew nothing could be fact unless she heard it from the angel himself.

Ryan's eyes grew wide. She knew her mother didn't realize she had heard anything from Angel Radio in years.

Ryan hugged her daughter tightly. "Do you want me to take you home?"

Hope shook her head. "I think I'll be okay. I just need some Tylenol maybe? I have a headache."

Ryan hugged her again. "Sure, sweetie." She walked to her purse and got out the pills she kept in there. Ryan always had anything they would need. Her mother was extremely organized and methodical about a lot of things. She watched as Ryan walked out of the office and Hope sank back into the chair and began rubbing her temples like she had seen her mom do. She was still rubbing them when Ryan returned with a glass of water. She handed Hope the pills and the water and Hope downed them quickly.

Ryan took the cup back and knelt in front of Hope. "So…what's new, kid?"

Hope shivered. The things she had heard, the chatter…it all seemed…unreal. Something was happening. It was bad enough when the angels fell, but this sounded like a mutiny. "This…this guy, Metatron. I…I don't know, Mom. He's promised like, all sorts of good things to the angels. But I don't…I don't think he's a good guy." Hope, of course, knew who the Scribe of God was. She had met him before, once or twice. He was always a little odd, even for an angel. But there was something about him, something that led her to believe he wasn't what he said he was. And the fact he was pretending to be The Father was blasphemous! No one was God, except God. That one was a no-brainer.

"You might be right. If you hear anything else, Hope, you let me know, okay?"

"Should we call Dad and Uncle Sammy?" she asked softly. If Metatron was going to make a play to take over Heaven, more than he already had, shouldn't they know about it?

Ryan bit her lip as she thought before she shook her head. "They've got their own angel, Angel Face. I'm sure they're in the loop."

Hope shivered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "I hope so. He sounds…like, evil, Mom. I didn't think Angels were supposed to sound like that." That's what it was. He was condescending. That had been one of her spelling words last week, before school let out.

"Lucifer was once an angel, too," Ryan reminded her daughter gently.

Hope remembered all too well, her fallen brother. But she smiled. "Well, Uncle Sammy defeated him, didn't he? So, I'm sure if he and Dad team up, they'll take care of this dude."

"I hope so, sweetheart." But for some strange reason, Hope didn't hear any optimism in her mother's voice. That, alone, made her afraid.

The next night, Hope's headache had returned. Something was going down, something bad was happening. She'd managed to throw her mom off suspicion, though, and had gone to bed with minimal fuss because she just really wanted to close her eyes and wake up the next morning feeling like a normal ten year old. Well, as normal as an angel in a ten year old vessel felt, in any case.

She closed her eyes when suddenly, she heard him again; _"Well played, Castiel. Obviously you and Gadreel managed to turn a few dead enders against me."_

She heard Castiel reply; _"Gadreel is dead."_

"_Ah. So Gadreel bites the dust. And the Angel tablet – arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe, is in pieces and for what again? Oh, that's right – to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of Heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well guess what? He's dead, too."_

She didn't hear anything else as she screamed so loudly and so long that the windows in her room shattered.

"Hope!" Ryan screamed as she burst into the room.

Their eyes met and Hope dissolved. She couldn't process…"H-h-h…" she couldn't contain her sobs as she started dry heaving as the sobs wracked her body.

"Hope! What's wrong?" Ryan exclaimed as she sat next to her daughter and enveloped her in a hug.

"M-Metatron…Castiel…" It all too much. She couldn't…why couldn't she think?

"Did they talk to you?"

Hope was shaking her head back and forth, rocking slightly. "N-n-no…M-M-Metatron…he said…he said…" The sobs started again and she was wailing into Ryan's neck. She couldn't form a coherent thought. This…it wasn't supposed to end like this, was it? She was supposed to see him again, at least once. Dean had to know about her. He had to know about Gabriel. Wouldn't he have a fit when he found out Gabriel hijacked his son? He'd be mad, but he would be happy, too, wouldn't he? No. This couldn't happen…could it?

"Hope?"

"I heard Metatron," Hope stated, and even to her, her voice sounded flat.

"Wh-What did he say, sugar?"

She took a stuttering breath, swallowed hard, and whispered the two words she never wanted to speak. "Daddy's dead."

She felt Ryan's grip on her slack before her shoulders were grasped and she was shaken slightly. "Hope…are you sure? Really sure? Do you think it was a ploy? Maybe something Metatron would say to Castiel to scare him? You know Cas is one of Daddy's best friends…"

Hope shook her head. She had heard the rest of his speech with half of her mind, about how the angels were all frightened sheep, following him, the supposed shepherd, how they would be atop the mountain of humans. "It didn't sound like that. I…I heard him talking about the angels, how they're sheep, how humans are scum, Castiel must have tricked him somehow, we weren't supposed to hear it, but we did."

"We?"

"Angels," Hope breathed.

Ryan looked at her daughter and Hope saw nothing but dread in her mother's eyes. "Are you…?" She closed her eyes shook her head. "It doesn't matter. None of that matters. You're my Hopey, baby. You're my daughter. Whatever else you might be, you will always be that."

That acceptance warmed Hope more than she could ever say. "I know, Mama."

Ryan hugged her tighter to her. "Hopey, maybe they're wrong. Maybe it's just a ploy. Maybe Dean had to…had to make Metatron believe he was dead, so Cas could trap him. Maybe…"

Hope looked at her and shook her head. "It felt so real. I think this might be real, Mom."

* * *

**July Second**

**Castiel POV**

"_Cas. Castiel, please. __I need you. Come to me. Please...I know you don't know me, but I need to see you. Please...?"_

Cas blinked as the prayer reverberated in his head. The voice...the tone of it sounded familiar, however, he didn't know who it could be. But the desperate tone of it called to him. Whoever this person was needed him.

"Castiel? Did you hear me?"

He glanced up from the papers in his hand to look at Hannah. "I'm sorry, Hannah, I have a need on earth..."

She sighed. "Which Winchester is it this time? You do realize we still need to discuss Dean's...condition."

Castiel held in a snort of laughter. "Condition" didn't quite describe the fact that Dean was now a demon, a knight of Hell. THE Knight of Hell. Complete with the Mark of Cain. "I know your stance on the subject, Hannah. He is in Hell at the moment. I am in contact with Crowley."

"And yet, you have not gone to Dean with our offer. You are dragging your heels, Castiel."

He shot a glare her way. "I am not dragging my heels, Hannah. I am simply letting him…stew in his own juices for a bit longer. He is not wrecking havoc upon the earth at the moment, and I have the blade safely locked away. He will be fine."

"And his brother? What of the youngest Winchester?"

He had just checked in on Sam a few minutes prior to the meeting. Sam was not taking this well at all. In fact, in an effort to keep the human safe, he had charged one of the younger angels to basically babysit the man, much to both their chagrin. He couldn't trust Sam not to do something stupid. "It will take him some time to adapt. He and Dean were inseparable almost from his birth."

Hannah frowned. "The council can give you a few days, Castiel, to organize things between the Winchesters, Hell, and Earth, but then, we will need to get things taken care of permanently."

He nodded his head. "Thank you, Hannah. You are most gracious." He took his leave then, quickly landing on Earth near where the voice originated from.

While they hadn't found a way for the angels to get their wings restored simultaneously, they _had _found a spell for each angel, one at a time, and the panel in Heaven had gotten their wings repaired first. Castiel didn't like his new wings, though, and he felt a bit human, vain, and childish about the whole thing, but they were nowhere near as glorious as his previous ones. The dove grey feathers weren't quite as attractive, nor quite as aerodynamic as his black ones had been.

He approached the house cautiously. This was the house of a hunter. It had all the warnings to protect against demons, and quite a few to keep angels out as well.

His brow furrowed as he walked up the steps. The porch, it seemed, was not warded against him. "It's you. It's really you. I didn't think you would come," the soft voice said.

He turned and spied a girl sitting on the porch swing. She was a beautiful child, with light brown hair and soft brown eyes. Something within her called to him and his eyes narrowed. "What are you?"

She giggled. "Well, that's somewhat rude, Cas."

"Forgive me. Perhaps I should start off with asking _who_ are you?"

She stood and curtsied for him. "Hope. My name is Hope."

Castiel was tired, so very tired. Tired of everything. All he had wanted was to be an angel. He had tried living as a human and found it didn't agree with him. It cost him his best friends. Then, when he gained the stolen grace, he was thrust into a fight by Metatron's making and had to lead an army that went nowhere, fast. So his patience was thin as he glared at her and stated, "That doesn't answer my question."

She smirked, and there was something about the shape of her mouth, the way her lips moved, he gasped. "You are Dean's child."

She nodded. "Hope Deanna Winchester, at your service." She held out her hand for him and he took it. He gasped again as he felt her grace flutter against his own. "You are an angel?! Who are you? What do you want with Dean's child?"

"Peace, brother. I am an angel, yes, but this is my body, Castiel."

"You mean your vessel."

At that, she smiled. "Well, yes...and no."

His brows furrowed. "I am...confused."

Her smile grew. "Would you care to sit?"

He sat on the porch step and she sat as well. "What is your game, angel?" he asked coldly.

"No game, Cas. And I'm serious, it's only me in here."

"You banished the child? How could you?"

She shook her head. "No. It has always been me, since my conception over eleven years ago."

He remained silent for a time, thoughts swirling through his mind. He had only ever been in this vessel, and had been freed from Jimmy Novak only when this body died the first time. "Explain."

She blew out a breath. "Truthfully, I don't quite understand it myself. However, what I know is this; If you are present at the time of conception, you can...well...basically steal a vessel from an untethered soul. It floats back to heaven to wait a new body, and the vessel then belongs to you."

"How do you know that?"

She smirked. "Let's just say I was bff's with a certain trickster."

Castiel's heart ached as he thought of his fallen brother. "Gabriel."

She nodded. "Right in one. See, when Gabe decided to bail on heaven, he asked me to go with him. I graciously accepted the offer."

"He was Loki. Who were you?"

She giggled. "Dionysus."

He paused as he remembered the Greek god and the chaos he employed. If this angel was telling the truth, and he suspected she was, of course, a dear friend of Gabriel's would be quite the trickster also. "So, what happened from there?"

"Ah, yes, that. Excuse me for keeping a few things close to my chest, Cas. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that…I don't trust you. Not yet, in any case."

He nodded. Had their roles been reversed, he would not have trusted her, and even as such, he was wary as he stated, "I still don't understand why you called me."

"Duh. Dad is a demon, Cas."

"You know of your father, then?"

She was silent a moment. "I know a lot of things. I've been hearing angel radio off and on since this body was four years old. I heard Metatron tell you Dad was dead."

"I am sorry you had to find out that way," he stated compassionately.

She smiled sadly. "Well, that was bad enough, but then, when I heard the chatter about him being a Knight of Hell, naturally, I got concerned…"

"Which is why you called me to you."

"Yes…and no," she replied again.

"You are quite infuriating. You are definitely a Winchester despite being also a seraph."

She laughed. "Now _that _I take as a compliment."

"So, you know of your parentage," he mused.

She nodded. "Naturally. Gabe had a chat with Mom, explained a few things when she got knocked up with me. I'll let her explain it to you in greater detail. I just wanted to share my side of things and to ask you a favor."

"And that is?"

"Sam. I want you to send Uncle Sammy to us. We can look after him, protect him..."

Castiel thought a moment and sighed. "He does need that, doesn't he?"

She nodded. "And from what I've heard over angel radio, you're planning on keeping dear old dad busy."

"You have heard us?"

She hesitated before she answered. "My grace began returning slowly when I turned four. It's been steadily growing since then. If it is as it was the last time, I will continue to grow and mature until I look about twenty five, thirty, then I will quit aging."

"You've done this before."

She glanced out into the yard. Castiel did as well. The green grass smelled as though it was freshly mown. He caught a whiff of roses and honeysuckle. It was peaceful here. He closed his eyes and for once in the past few months, he felt his body relax.

"Only once before, into Dionysus," she answered softly. "Gabriel taught me how."

"Alright. I can understand some of what you are saying, but...why?"

She blew out a breath. "Gabriel came to me, eleven years ago. He told me the fight was coming to Earth in the form of the Winchester brothers. When he told me he was going to have to fight, he knew he needed an ace in the hole. He wanted us to screw over Mike and Luci once and for all."

He was having a hard time processing the information. She sounded like a child, but her voice held centuries of experience, which, in reality, it had. "So what did you do?"

She smirked, and all he saw was Dean's face. "Oh, Gabriel took care of everything before he even came to me. From what I gathered, it was just a small spell...a dab of lust, a pinch of understanding, a smidge of compassion, a favor from a rogue Cupid, and a replaced uterus. Mom and Dad did the rest."

"You tricked them."

Her cool gaze lit on his and her eyes flashed angel blue for just a moment. "Absolutely not. Everything they've done was free will, Castiel. We know how much it means to them. Even if Gabriel had wanted to force the issue, I wouldn't have allowed it. I tried to tell him he was going about it the wrong way when he was trying to talk Sam and Dad into playing their parts, but of course, he thinks he knows everything because he's an archangel, but he's wrong, dead wrong."

"You wanted them to play their parts."

Hope paused. "I wanted it to be over, just as badly as Gabriel did. I just wanted it done. But I don't believe it would have worked. Just for grins and giggles, let's say Dad had said yes to Michael first. If that had happened, Lucifer would have fought him in Nick's body instead if Sam's. He would have lost, then Mike would have let Dad go. Do I believe that? No. I know Michael and I didn't trust him anymore than I did Lucifer. But it is a moot point anyway. No use crying over spilled milk. Gabriel played around with the timelines and I was born into Hope Winchester."

He longed to ask her more. He wondered if she knew of any of Gabriel's other plans, if she knew more about this one, but instead, he asked, "And what comes of this? Dean is a demon, Hope."

She stared out into the fading sunlight once again. "I know."

"Looks like free will isn't all it is cracked up to be," he stated flatly.

She turned to him then. "But it is. Don't you get it? It is playing out just like it's supposed to."

"How?"

She bit her lip and Cas had the sinking suspicion she was deciding what she could and couldn't trust him with. "You can trust me, Hope."

"I want to," her soft voice replied. "But I can't just spill all the beans, Cas. I trust you, but I don't trust you that much."

"Trust is a two way street, Hope. I need to know I can trust you as well. The Winchesters have already been screwed over by one angel. I, myself, have hurt them in the past. I cannot trust you, either."

She smiled. "Glad to see you got some warrior back in your blood, Castiel, even if you are working with Metatron's grace."

"You can tell it isn't mine?"

She nodded. "I can see grace as colors, Cas, it is part of my power. Yours was blue, the brightest blue I've ever seen. Now it is a golden brown."

"Muddy brown," he commented resentfully, petulantly.

She smiled. "Well, that's something I can fix."

He eyed her warily. "What?"

She held out her hand to him again. "Let me try something..."

"No, Hope, you must not weaken yourself."

She shook her head. "I may not be able to fly, and trust me, that's annoying as heck, but this, I can do."

He moved his head closer to her. She put her fingertips at each of his temples and kissed his forehead.

His wings flourished behind him and he felt the raw power flow through him.

He blinked his eyes open and looked into hers, which were glowing with the angel power. "What did you do?"

"I told the Grace to bond with you permanently."

"I did not realize you could do that."

She nodded. "The Archangels and the Virtues could because of how our power works. Now, the only way it can be taken from you is if you die. It is sealed within your vessel. Unfortunately, you won't be able to switch vessels, either."

"That is fine. I enjoy this one."

She smiled wistfully and sighed. "It is...so difficult, being stuck in a child's body. I want to be able to handle things as they are, but I can't. I tried to fly to Dad. I wanted to get to him, to protect him, to warn him about Metatron. Then, once Metatron said Dad was dead, I just...I..." She shook her head and sighed.

"Mom talks about him so much...I love him, Castiel. I love Dean because he's my father and because Ryan loves him so much. Human emotions...they are so much stronger than anything I've ever seen. It's amazing. I've never studied soul mates as closely as I have now. They are fascinating."

Castiel blinked. "This Ryan person and Dean are soul mates?"

"Cupid did a number on them, remember? Gabriel worked a deal with a Cupid. I saw it. I was with him when the cupid hit them as infants. Only wish I was present at their first kiss, the bond that would have formed then…it would have been unimaginable."

"So, what happens now?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Spoilers."

"Did you just quote River Song from "Doctor Who" to me?"

She looked at him in surprise for a moment before her twinkling laughter filled the yard. "You know, I may hate Metatron for what he's done to all our brethren, what he's done to Dad and Uncle Sammy, but I can't deny, him giving you pop culture references? Not such a bad thing. Yes, I'm quoting River. I can't tell you everything you want to know. There is a time and a place for it all."

"Does your mother know?"

"She suspects. The first time I heard angel radio, the first time I realized I was an angel, I was unable to hide it from her. She called Gabriel to her. Luckily, he knew who and what I was and covered it as best he could. He realized, however, that my grace was growing faster than either of us anticipated, so he marked her with the sigils of protection."

"Alright, I'm willing to accept you know what you are doing, but I want to know why."

"Why what?"

"What is your motivation in all this?"

She sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Gabriel asked me to."

"That is it?"

"Are you not loyal to Dean and Sam? Look at what you've done for them. You've given up everything time and again. When I fell from Heaven with Gabriel, it was proving my loyalty to him. He made me swear, if I wanted to do it, I would stay by his side, and he would look after me like a real brother. And he did. He was my big brother."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. "So...you just gave up your post? Abandoned Heaven for...what? To be on the Earth with Gabriel?" He wasn't sure he could fathom it. Gabriel didn't instill a lot of loyalty. Not to him, anyway. Maybe it was because he and Gabriel had never seen eye to eye. And then, the way Gabriel had been so hateful to Sam and Dean...

"Don't give yourself an aneurism, Cas," she deadpanned, and he was reminded again how much like Dean she was. He wondered if she had ever met her father.

"Only once," she answered.

"You can hear my thoughts?"

"I can when you are sitting here touching me."

He hadn't realized their hands were just barely touching where they were both resting on the steps. He pulled it away as if it burned him. He could sense the angel within the small body. She was powerful, far more powerful than him. "Who are you?" he asked her again, this time hoping for an answer. He knew he had not met all the heavenly host. There were those that stayed hidden away for one reason or the other. He assumed she had been one if those.

"I am Hope."

"Yes. Hope Winchester. You told me that."

She shook her head. "No. I am Hope."

His brow furrowed before his eyes grew wide. "Hope," he breathed. "You are the Virtue, Hope?" He heard stories of them. He remembered being under her charge, once, but he never officially met her.

She nodded. "I am."

He winced. Love and Faith had perished when they both fell from Heaven. Neither of them were very strong due to their peaceful natures. They were not trained as warriors. Neither had even left Heaven. "Your sisters..."

"My sisters and I had a falling out many millennia ago, Castiel."

"They perished in the fall."

She didn't respond, though he could feel her pain radiating from her. The three were created simultaneously. Castiel had heard the stories of them, even as a fledgling, he knew of the triplets, Faith, Hope and Love. Hope began losing her luster when Lucifer temped Eve with the apple. She had fallen and hidden herself away. It was rumored she died of a broken heart. "You were with Gabriel the whole time?"

She shook her head. "Not exclusively. He went to the Norse gods, I went to the Greek ones. We saw one another enough to stir up trouble, but we were rarely together. We would have drawn too much attention."

He was flabbergasted. She had powers almost as strong if not stronger than an archangel. Sitting next to him in the body of a child was one of the worlds strongest, most powerful beings left alive.

"Witness protection?" he asked finally.

She grinned. "Yeah, well, when Gabe saw how things were going to go, he not only wanted the loophole he provided, he also wanted to keep me safe. He loves me and I love him."

"Gabriel is dead," he stated, not unkindly.

Her smile grew. "And that is what he wanted everyone to believe."

"Gabriel...survived?" She didn't say anything. She was being evasive again, he could tell.

She sighed. "Castiel, do you believe in Our Father? Do you believe in God?"

"I used to."

She laughed again and he smiled as he heard her tinkling laughter once more. It sounded like a wind chime, high and ringing, but relaxing. "At least you're honest."

"Something created us, yes. I believe that."

"Do you ever get the feeling things happen beyond your control for a reason?"

"Such as?"

She sighed anew. "It's complicated."

He chuckled a bit. "You aren't making any sense."

She nodded. "I know." She paused as if she were deciding something. Finally, she stated in a whisper, "Gabriel didn't run away."

"When?"

She shrugged. "Pick a time. Any time. He didn't run away. He did as he was ordered."

"By whom?"

She looked at him pointedly.

"The Father? God wanted him to run away?"

"Our Father wanted him safe."

"He is despised. You, at least, slunk away. You and your sisters kept to yourselves, but he ran away!"

She nodded. "He is despised by many of our brethren. It cuts me to the quick to realize it. He begged Father not to ask it of him. He loved being the life of the party, you know this. He didn't like being alone. I was his consolation prize. He was able to pick one worthy companion. In the end, he went willingly."

"To go live the hedonistic lifestyle of Loki?"

She shot him a look. "What we did on Earth was our choice. We just had to run from Heaven."

"Why did Gabriel choose you?" he wondered aloud.

She sighed and shrugged. "Because he and I are cut from the same cloth. Like you. Rebellious. Loving. We would do anything for family. And we obey."

Castiel hung his head. "I have not obeyed in forever, it seems."

She smiled and touched his hand. "Of course you have. You love. That is one of the biggest commandments, is it not?"

They were both quiet a moment. "You are still curious about me, about my human body, aren't you?" When he did not answer, she offered a bit of an explanation; "I am one with my vessel, Cas. You took yours. He was willing, but it isn't quite the same. I am an angel, but I am also a human. I was born. It makes things different. I recognize the human side of humanity."

"What is it like?" he asked, his own voice full of wonder.

She smiled and held out two fingers toward his forehead. "I can show you. You can feel it as I did."

"You have grace enough for that?"

She nodded shyly. "I've been practicing in addition to my hunting practices Mom has been training me with."

"You will be formidable one day, Hope. Are you going to rejoin heaven, or hunt as a human?"

"I...I do not know. What would you do, if you were me?"

He was uncertain how to answer her. He thought about that a moment. To be free of Heaven, to not have to worry about everything in his Father's creation…it would be such a blessing to act as a human, without responsibilities, but he knew that was not his fate. Perhaps it was hers. "I...do not know, either."

They were both silent a moment before she smiled and placed her fingers on his forehead. He was transported back to the warmth of the womb. He could feel a heartbeat, feel the warmth, the safety, the feeling of being innocent and pure. He heard a soft voice talking; _"I'm not sure what to call you yet, baby, on the off chance you are a boy. I feel so strongly you are my girl, my angel face named Hope. I never in a million years thought I'd ever be given the gift of you, but I swear, I will be straight for you. I'll be good. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."_

Castiel felt a sense of calm and protectiveness he'd never felt before, not since he was a fledgling, safe and secure with his brethren.

"_So, it's story time. What shall I tell you about today? Want me to tell you about the time Daddy saved me from the demon? It's kind of scary, but you'll need to hear it. You'll need to know about what a wonderful man your father is..." _

Castiel gasped as Hope pulled away from him. "She loves Dean. Truly."

Hope nodded. "And I feel sure he loves her, too, in his own way. Soul mate's can't help but to love one another."

"He can not return human, Hope. Even if you were to try to heal him, he has The Mark. There is no other person alive worthy of The Mark who will not turn around and wreck havoc upon this earth."

She sighed. "I didn't sign up for this. Gabriel didn't explain everything. I don't know what happens from here. He said he wanted me to stay pure, to embrace being a human child since my last time around, I wasn't fully human. He wanted..." she trailed off.

"Well, at least I am not the only one out of the loop," Castiel muttered.

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "I need your help, Cas. I believe we have an...issue brewing with my brothers."

"We are quite settled in heaven..."

"Not those brothers."

At his quizzical look, she gestured toward the house. "I'm not the only Winchester around here."

"Dean has other children with Ryan? How is that possible?"

Her lip twitched. "Well, Castiel, when a human man and a human woman have the primal urge to mate..."

He held up a hand. "I am well versed in the art of copulation."

This time, both her eyebrows shot up and she laughed again. "Is that so? Well, brother, I am impressed."

He cleared his throat. "What I meant was, I am surprised Ryan and Dean have gotten together more than once. That does not seem to be his usual M.O. and his previous relationships have not been…successful."

She inclined her head. "You're right, it isn't Dean's usual, but he always makes an exception for her."

"What good will any of it do, now, though? You have siblings, Dean has more children. What good came of this? He is a demon, THE demon. I feel as if it is partially my fault. Were I keeping up with him better..."

She laid a hand on his arm and he felt her grace brushing his, comforting him, bathing him in warmth like he'd never felt before. "It wasn't your fault. You know as well as I do, a Winchester does whatever the heck they want."

"And you? You are an angel, but you are also a Winchester."

She grinned and started humming. His brows furrowed as he searched through his pop culture references until he recognized the tune from a play, one Metatron had gone to see about The Wicked Witch and her life. It was based on a book Metatron had read. The play was much different and had many musical numbers. This song, "Defying Gravity" was one of them. "Why do you hum that song, Hope?" he asked softly.

"Because, something has changed within me. I am an angel, yes, but I am also a Winchester. It makes a difference." She smirked. "I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap."

That smirk alarmed him. "You are on the side of good, aren't you, Hope?"

She tightened her grip on his arm. _I swear it, Castiel,_ he heard in his mind. _I swear it on the love of my family, both heavenly and human._

His eyes bore into her soft brown ones. "I am holding you to that, Hope."

She smiled. "Good. So, now that we have business concluded, send Sam to us, then you'll need to come back."

"Why?"

She paused, deciding again, he felt sure, what to say. "Because, neither of my brothers are angels."

"From your tone, am I to assume they are not human, either?"

She shook her head solemnly. "Nope, they most certainly are not."

He didn't ask how it was possible. With a Winchester, he had learned long ago, anything was possible. "But they are good, aren't they?"

She nodded. "They will be. And Uncle Sammy will make sure they are. After all, who better to train a child part evil than someone who fought against the embodiment of it?"

He didn't have a witty retort for that. "Where do we go from here, Hope? How can we...?"

"Have faith, Castiel. In the Winchester bloodline, in the men you know, and the ones of us you don't, and in The Father you know and love."

"He is gone, Hope." Even if he did send Gabriel to do this...whatever for the Winchesters, he was still gone.

She smiled. "Is that what you think?"

"It is true."

She shook her head. "Cas, you above anyone should know it isn't that simple. Free will? That means free to make all the mistakes. You didn't think He would come in and clean up everyone's messes, did you?"

"Well, it would have been nice..."

She laughed. "Well, you're deluded, Cas. It don't work that way."

His brow furrowed at her dialect as it slipped from the eloquent angel she was to the child raised by a southern woman, she also was. It was an odd occurrence. "Your mother is a big influence on you, isn't she?"

"She's all I've ever known. I've met Dean Winchester once. You know him, but I know her."

"She is a good woman?"

"One of the best I've ever known in all my years amongst humanity. She is flawed, that much is for certain, but she's the best."

"How does she not know you are an angel?"

"As I've said, she knows enough to suspect, but Cas, I don't usually talk like this, I talk like a child."

"And...you are convincing?"

"Duh, helloooo, I am a child. I'm...I'm in tune with my inner angel because you are here, but most if the time, I forget about it and I'm just a kid."

"Fascinating."

She blushed. "Would, ah, would you like to be more in tune with your vessel?"

"How?"

"Just like with your grace, you have to own it. I assume you have sent the human's soul on by now?""

Castiel nodded. "Yes. When I died, the first time, his soul was separated from this vessel."

"Good."

They were silent for a few moments more and he was surprised as she closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. "This is nice."

He was blatantly uncomfortable with her and he couldn't put his finger on why. He looked down at her and saw her smirk. "What?" he inquired.

She giggled. "It just occurred to me how utterly uncomfortable you are."

"I am...fine."

She let out a snort and sat back up. "No, you're not, you don't know how to interact with humans, Cas. Metatron gave you the gift of pop culture, but he didn't bestow you the gift of humanity, understanding, how to BE human, Castiel."

"I _was _a human, Hope. Did that not give me the experience?"

She shook her head. "Until you've lived, from the womb, you can't begin to understand it. I've lived it twice, and this second time is just as wonderful, as...miraculous as the first. I can't give you that, not unless I snatch you out of your vessel and force you into a pregnant woman, which I won't." She licked her lips and cocked her head to the side. "This is the best I can do..."

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead again. His eyes closed as he felt warmth spreading throughout him. When he opened his eyes, her brown ones shone with an unnamed emotion. "Thank you," he managed.

She winked. "No problem." She blew out a breath. "Okay, so, you'll send Sam up here, I'll look after him, well, we will, in any case. Go get Dad to accept the King of Hell deal, then come back up here."

"How did you know about the deal?"

She tapped her temple. "I'm a little more in tune than your basic angel, Castiel. And now that I've met you, basically captured your essence, I can be in tune with you more."

"Can I be more in tune with you as well?"

_You already are,_ she said into his mind. _Try it._

_Hope?_ he asked.

She smirked that Winchester smirk. _Reading you loud and clear, angel face_.

He cleared his throat. "Very well then. I'll send Sam up to you."

"You're going to Dad now?"

He nodded. "I have waited long enough."

"Don't tell him about any of this, about us."

"Why not? It may change..."

"It may change everything," she told him. "It may change things that aren't supposed to be changed."

"This is very frustrating."

She giggled. "Try being in my shoes, then talk to me about it."

He stood then. "I suppose I will be seeing you sooner rather than later."

She nodded. "I'll see you in a few days. Mom will want to talk to you."

"And I'm to assume now isn't the best time to talk to her?"

She shook her head. "Let Sam get here first, then come to us."

He bowed to her. "Hope, thank you."

She shrugged. "I didn't do anything."

He gave her a solemn look. "I know you know better than that."

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***Crickets* So...uh...yeah. It's about to get weird. Ish. Weird-ish. Weirder-er-ish? Whatever. My prereaders love it, so hopefully you will too!**

**Until next week! I'll have my review of the 200the episode after the next chapter. I can't wait! **


	18. Cruel Summer

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, but I would claim it. LOL**

**AN: Sooooooo...I got a few mixed reviews last chapter. HA! Yes, it was planned almost from the start, from the start of me publishing it, certainly. It's weird, but, hey, so am I. and I appreciate the love and hate! My writing isn't everyone's cup of tea, but that's what makes the world go 'round. So for those of you that decided to stay, I thank you. My thoughts on the big 200 at the bottom...**

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**July Third**

**Ryan POV**

Hope, it seemed, had accepted Dean's death. She was getting messages from the angels now, talk about rebuilding heaven, discussions on a panel convening in lieu of one being, and it seemed to be working out. It frightened her that her daughter was receiving these messages, but she could do nothing about it, and since Gabriel had hidden them from view of the angels, she couldn't even summon one to her. So, she sat and waited. She knew the truth now, even if Hope did not; Hope was an angel, had been one, probably since her birth. Ryan wasn't sure how she felt about it, but she loved Hope with all her heart. She was her firstborn. That wasn't a bond Ryan could just snap because her child was turning out to be something she hadn't planned on. No, she would love Hope no matter what.

Hope might have accepted Dean's death, but somewhere deep inside her, Ryan didn't believe it. Dean Winchester would never die. Sam wouldn't let him. Castiel wouldn't let him. But it was probably easier for Hope to believe it, to accept and move on. And honestly, it would have been healthier for her, too, but Ryan couldn't, not yet. She needed proof. Calling Dean's phone number, and Sam's, proved to be fruitless, which irritated her. Jody was having no luck with their numbers, either, so she had to sit and wait for one of them to come to her, or to return her phone call.

Ryan was entering her fourth month of pregnancy when Bobby's birthday rolled around. She was busy constructing the 'tire' cake for his little party at Jody's cabin tomorrow. _Three years. My how time flies. _He was in the front room, playing and watching Thomas the Train and Hope was with Jody and Annie at Jody's cabin for the night. They had wanted Ryan and Bobby to come with, but Ryan had decided to just stay home. She didn't feel like chasing Bobby around in the woods. Most of her nausea had subsided, and she was just barely starting to show. Most of the time, yoga pants or gym shorts along with the baggy tee-shirts she was now wearing covered it. She knew she would have to do something more permanent in the future, but she just couldn't go shopping for maternity clothes. She wasn't in the mood and wasn't certain she _would _be, not this time around.

She had her iPod on and was singing softly as she mixed up the chocolate icing. The song changed and she glared at the dock as the song "Cruel Summer" came on.

She contemplated changing the song, or maybe turning the damn thing off altogether, but her hands were covered in chocolate, so she tried to ignore it, and managed, until the chorus came on…

_**It's a cruel, cruel summer**_

_**Leaving me hear on my own**_

_**It's a cruel, cruel summer**_

_**Now you're gone **_

She didn't realize she was crying until a tear fell into the icing. She sucked in a breath and couldn't help it as the sobs began.

She tried to stop, but she couldn't. She wiped her hands on the apron she'd put on over her shorts as the sobs now wracked her body. The song continued mocking her as it sang and she turned around, resting against the cabinets. _Dean, Dean, Dean, _her mind kept repeating, like a mantra. Dean was dead. He was really dead, wasn't he? _I love you, I love you, I love you. You fool. Why did you have to try and go against an angel? Did you think you could win? _

She gripped the countertop behind her until she felt one of her nails break, but she didn't care. He was gone. He was really gone this time, wasn't he? An angel killed him. Sam hadn't returned her call, she could only assume he'd been killed as well. Why else wouldn't he call her back? He _knew _the two children were Dean's! Wouldn't he want to be a part of their lives?

She let out a cry as her legs weakened. She dropped gently to the floor, put her head in her hands, and sobbed.

She was still crying, sometime later, when there was a knock at her door. She stood, took a stuttering breath, swiped her apron over her eyes as she took it off, and made her way down the hall.

She opened the door and her eyes grew wide. "Sam?"

"Hey," his voice was raw and quiet, as if he hadn't used it in some time.

"Sam? You're alive? You're alive!" she shouted as she wrapped him in the tightest hug she could.

"Is…?" she began, but that was when she noticed taillights driving back down her driveway.

"No…" she started, shaking her head. _It can't be true…Sam's fine, why isn't…? _Dean had been saved again, hadn't he? He just _had _to be safe. "God…no, Sam!"

Tears were running down his face and he grasped her as her knees buckled once more. "I'm so sorry, Ryan…"

"No, it isn't…it can't be…he can't…" she sobbed as he helped her back into the house.

"Sam!" Bobby shouted as he ran over to grab hold of Sam's leg.

Sam picked him up and hugged him. "Hey, little guy."

"Daddy come'd too?" Bobby questioned.

Sam shook his head as he looked at the little boy. "No, bud, Daddy didn't come. Only Uncle Sammy."

"Okay," Bobby said before he squirmed to get down and back to his Lego's.

"Sam…" Ryan tried again. "Wh-what happened?"

He swallowed hard. "It's bad. Oh, God, is it bad, Ryan. You have…no fucking…no clue…"

"Sam?" She sucked in a breath to calm herself, worried at his tone. It was evident something bad had happened, worse, even, than a mere death.

"The Mark…" Sam tried and then shook his head.

Her brow knit and she moved as he sank into the chair. She knelt in front of him. "What about The Mark?"

"It…fuck…Ryan…"

She grabbed him in a hug. "Sam…what happened to Dean?"

He swallowed again and took a calming breath. "Metatron, that utter _dick_, he, he was powerful. Dean, the dumbass, tried to go up against him…"

Ryan bit her lip and nodded, waiting.

"He killed Dean. Fucking hell, Ryan, I watched him gut my brother with a damn angel blade!"

Her breath caught and she felt the tears rolling again. "Sam…"

He shook his head. "Oh, no, it gets better, or worse. Worse. So, soooooo much worse…"

"Worse?" she gasped. "How?"

"Fuck…that fucking Crowley. Should have known. Demons. God. When will we learn not to fuck with demons?"

Ryan's eyes grew wider. "Sam…" she was terrified now, scared down to her bones. If Dean had…died, she could find peace, could move on with her life. But this… "Sam, what happened?"

"The Mark, that damn fucking mark. It refused to let Dean go. It wouldn't let him die."

She felt her heart leap. "He's alive?"

Sam shook his head. "No, Ryan. He isn't."

"But you just said…"

"Ryan, what do you know about the Mark of Cain?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I mean, I've been to church, I've heard the tales. I attempted to do research on it after he showed it to me. I didn't find anything…" And then she'd realized she was pregnant again, and that had put everything else on the back burner as she dealt with the news…

He snorted. "It doesn't matter. Everything written about it is wrong. But that isn't the point. Ryan, Dean came back, but not as…himself."

She blinked. "He's like, a zombie?"

Sam laughed a flat laugh that bordered on hysterical. "No. I wish! I could handle that!"

She felt the urge to slap his face, to calm him down. She was more confused than ever. "Sam, stop it. You aren't making sense here!"

"Cain was one of the first fucking demons! He created the motherfucking knights of hell! Lucifer himself marked him!"

Everything suddenly started fitting into place and she scooted back on her heels until she slipped and wound up on her butt. Still, she shook her head as her hands covered her mouth. "No…oh, no…Sam…"

His eyes hit hers and the anger, hurt, and disgust on his face told her everything she needed to know, but he said it anyway. "Dean is a _demon._"

She felt it, like a gunshot piercing her heart and that was the only thing she remembered as darkness enveloped her.

"I got here as soon as I could," Ryan heard from somewhere. She wasn't sure where she was or what was happening.

"I should have waited for you to get here, I didn't realize you weren't in town when I called you to tell you I was on my way. But then she saw me and she knew something was wrong and I had to tell her…" She heard his voice. What was Sam doing here?

"Well, hell, Sam, how easy could it be to hear the man you love is now a damn _demon_? The thing she's most terrified of in existence? No wonder she checked out."

"I caught her in time. She didn't hit her head. She just fainted."

"Yeah, well, that's not what I'm worried about. It's the baby that concerns me."

"Bobby's fine. I got him some juice and some crackers. I figured those were okay for him since he was eating solid stuff the last time we were here."

"Not. That. Baby."

The silence that bled into the room caused Ryan to open her eyes. She was lying on the couch. Bobby was still watching Thomas the Train, and Jody and Sam were standing in the doorway. "Yeah, I'm pregnant, Sam," she managed as she sat up, her head still swimming.

"Ryan…" Jody started as she came over and sat down next to her friend.

"Ryan, are you alright?" Sam asked as he sat in the chair he had sunk into before she passed out.

She blushed in shame. She had never, not once, in her entire existence passed out from surprise. She wasn't one for the vapors. The only times she ever passed out was because of blood loss or a blow to the head. "Sorry, Sam. I'm fine."

He eyed her warily. "So…I'm guessing Dean doesn't grasp the concept of safe sex?"

Her blush grew. "I, uh, well…that's a long ass story."

His eyebrow rose. "I bet. And one day, I'm sure you'll tell me."

Ryan glanced around the room. "Where is Hope?"

"She and Annie went for ice cream," Jody supplied. "Sam called me, told me he was coming here, so I decided we needed to come back. I bs'ed about why. But when Sam called me, all in a panic, a little bit ago, I tried to just play it off. Ann knew something was up, though, so she suggested they go for a cone. She'll bring her back in a little while."

Sam nodded. "Good. We'll need to figure out what to tell her…might be easier to just say he died than…"

"Sam!" Ryan called, bringing him back to her. She would have to explain to him that Hope already knew. But, how in the _hell _would they tell her daughter about Dean? Dean, the man she admired most in the world, wasn't even a _man _anymore? Ryan felt the bubbles of nausea work its way up into her throat.

He looked at her sadly. "Ryan, I'm so sorry. If I had only known…he went and got that damn mark when we weren't speaking. We were both being dumbasses and then it was too late and…" he started crying again and Ryan stood on shaky legs, crossed to him, and knelt before him again.

"Shhhh," she murmured as she pulled his head to her shoulder. "Sam…shhhh, it'll all work out…"

He lifted his head and shook it. "No, it won't. Cas says there's nothing he can do. It's a done deal. Dean's gone to hell."

"We can…we can get him back, right? We can put The Mark back on Cain or whoever or whatever, something, right? I mean, we can make a deal, can't we? Have your angel buddy do something…" There _had _to be a way for Dean to get out of this. He had to…he was The Righteous Man…he was the one that broke and started the Apocalypse and he was one of the ones that helped stop it. They had to save him. She had to save him…

Sam just shook his head. "No, Ryan. Don't you think we've tried? Cain is _dead. _Dean _killed him._"

She gasped again. "Wh-what do you mean?"

Sam shook his head and stood to start to pace. "I don't know. It's…it's a clusterfuck. Crowley is, naturally, not talking to me, and Dean…well, I've only seen him once since he busted out of the bunker, black eyes damn blazing and vanished, literally, vanished, right before my fucking eyes!" he shivered. "I don't want to talk about that."

She blinked. What in the hell could Dean have done to him to give him that haunted look? Had he said something? Done something? She couldn't imagine and wasn't sure she wanted to.

He stopped before the window and sighed. "I don't…" he turned and looked at her and she had never seen anyone so big look so much like a child. "I don't know what to do. Dean has _always _been there. I…I can't compute…"

Ryan took in a deep breath. There would be time for her to grieve, to contemplate Dean as a demon, but right now…right now, she had to be here for Sam. It's what Dean would have wanted.

She turned to her friend who was standing in the door, dumbfounded. "Jody, you aren't going back to the cabin, are you?"

Jody shook her head. "No."

Ryan took control of the situation. She could handle this. She had to. Sam couldn't, and Jody wasn't quite as close to the situation as Ryan was. "Okay. Go get us dinner, whatever works. And booze. Sam needs booze. You probably do, too. Call Annie, see if she'll either watch Hope, or…hell, maybe she needs to just go on ahead and bring her over here. She knows Dean's dead, but…this…this is so much worse."

"How does she know…?" Sam began.

She sent him a pitying glance. "I'll tell you everything, I swear." She sucked in a breath. "But first, Sam, you call your angel friend, alright?"

Sam let out a snort. "What for? It won't do any damn good."

Her decision was made. He had to know the truth. All of it. Cas did, too. It was the only way she could see any of them moving forward. "You aren't the only one that's been touched by an angel, Sam. I think Castiel needs to know about my run in with the angels, and why Dean has three kids he doesn't know anything about."

Sam's eyes grew wide. "You…you know an angel?"

She nodded grimly. "And I'm marked by him, too."

Sam blinked and his brows knit. "Who the fuck are you, Ryan?"

She smiled a self depreciating smile. "I'm nobody special. At least I wasn't, until I was eleven years old and Dean excised that demon from me and I lived to tell about it. I guess that was when I became very special, indeed."

She walked back into the kitchen and gave the icing another stir before she began putting it on the cake.

"You're baking?"

"Tomorrow is Bobby's birthday," she stated simply, not turning at the sound of Sam's voice.

"You got anything to drink around here?"

"Milk. Juice. Kool-Aid. I think there are some sodas in the back of the fridge…"

"That wasn't what I was talking about."

She turned around and cast a glare his direction. "You smell like cheap booze and an old gym bag, Sam. Go take a shower."

"You're not the boss of me."

Her eyes narrowed. "Look, I know you're mourning, and, hell, if it wasn't for the fact I was knocked up, I'd probably be drowning in booze, too, but I can't let you be around my kids drunk, Sam. It isn't healthy for them."

He let out a snort and plopped onto a kitchen chair. "They're Winchesters. Health isn't something we have in great supply."

Her jaw ticked and she looked away. She closed her eyes as a tear slipped out. _He's hurting, Ryan. He wants you to hurt, too. Just…be gentle with him_. She turned back to him, longing to reach out and touch his arm, his shoulder, something to give him some human contact, but she held back, for now. "I can't begin to imagine how much you miss him, Sam, but he wouldn't want you to act like this."

"He's a fucking _demon, _Ryan! He doesn't give a shit about me." His voice lowered and she barely caught him whisper, "Not anymore, anyway."

She winced. "Maybe he doesn't, but he would have. Every damn thing Dean Winchester ever did was for your benefit, Sam."

"Like you know him so well," he scoffed.

"I do. And I know you, too."

"Because you've been such an integral part of our lives…"

She couldn't hold in the rage and slapped his face. "Fuck you, Sam. You think you're the only one that's lost him? I know I never had him, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I feel like half of me has been ripped out! I feel like I lost it, that one chance at happiness, forever. And that's okay, I resigned myself to my fate years ago, but don't think you're the only one that's lost him, because you aren't!"

He sat there and looked at her a moment before he smiled. "You're perfect for him, aren't you?"

"That's because she's his soul mate," a soft voice said from the entryway.

Ryan whipped around to see Hope standing there. "Hope?"

"Mom, I haven't told you the truth, not all of it."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "I know you're an angel, Hope."

"Angel…?" Sam began, but Ryan held up a hand.

"She's an angel. I've suspected it from the time she was four, when you healed my hand." Ryan rubbed the scar gently. "But when you started hearing the angel radio again, when you heard about your father's death, I knew…"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Did he talk you into it?" Ryan asked.

Hope must have known who she was talking about, because she answered, "He's my brother. He never had to talk me into anything. I always willingly went with him, even when we fell and hid ourselves away."

Ryan bit the inside of her lip. "How am I supposed to be a mom to an angel?" she managed through tears now streaming down her face once more.

Hope was crying too as she slowly walked toward Ryan. "Just like you have been. Just love me for me. That's all I need."

Ryan opened her arms and Hope fell into them as the two cried. "I love you," Ryan whispered over and over into Hope's hair.

"I love you, Mom," Hope would always respond back.

They pulled apart finally and noticed Sam sitting there, with Bobby, who had apparently run in and climbed up on Sam's lap. "Would anyone care to explain anything to me?" Sam inquired softly.

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, I think we need to talk."

"Now would be a good time for that, I believe," Castiel stated as he appeared in the kitchen.

Ryan jumped. "Damn it, Cas. Don't sneak up on people! Especially pregnant people who could kill you!"

He smiled. "I do not believe you are a threat to me, Ryan Fawcett."

Her eyebrow rose. "Are you sure about that? I know a thing or two about angels." The two eyed one another before she smiled as she walked to him. "Hi, Cas."

He accepted her hug without question. "Hello, Ryan." He turned to her daughter. "Hope, have you filled them in already?" he inquired, sounding more than a little confused.

Ryan felt more than a little confusion as well as Hope grinned and shook her head. "No, I haven't had time."

"What's going on?" Sam wanted to know.

Ryan blew out a breath. "Well, I'm guessing since Hope and Castiel act like they know one another, clearly they've met." The two nodded. "Okay, so, then, should I start?"

"Please," Cas stated as he sat at the kitchen table. "I apologize for not arriving earlier. I had a matter of great import."

"Did he say 'yes'?" Hope asked softly.

Cas nodded. "He did. Order will now be restored."

Ryan saw Hope visibly relax as she sat at the table, too. Ryan opened her mouth to ask what was going on, but snapped it shut. There would be a lot of stories to be told before the night was out. She glanced at Hope. "Where's Annie?"

"Jody told her there was some family stuff going on. She dropped me off, said she'd come back for the party tomorrow. Jody's going to just drop off dinner, I guess."

Ryan sat as well and Bobby moved from Sam's lap to hers. She hugged the boy tightly to her and kissed his darkening hair. It was still fairly blond, but it had darkened considerably over the past few months, which was humorous considering how much time they'd spent swimming at the lake.

"Ryan, I believe the floor is yours," Cas told her politely.

She smiled. "Alright, let's see…I guess I'll start at the beginning." She spoke of her childhood, not going into too much detail about the demons. No one wanted to hear it, and she only wished to share it with Dean, in any case. She talked about her teen years, about how hard life was until that fateful day she found new life after her run and the man she met, Gabriel. "That was my first meeting with the angel. I didn't realize it at the time." She paused and looked at Hope. She knew Hope knew Gabriel, and there would come a time for Hope to tell her story, but for now, she would share hers and Dean's.

"Dean said he met you again in college," Sam prompted.

She nodded and described their meeting, (leaving out things of a sexual nature) and about how meeting up with him again that day changed the course of her life. Jody came in just then and they quickly grabbed burgers and fries as Ryan began telling how Gabriel came to her.

First, she told them of Gabriel appearing to her, (where she had to stop her tale to show her anti-possession tattoo with Gabriel's name etched into her flesh) of Hope's birth, then, when Gabriel came to her and asked permission to possession of her…

"You let Gabriel, _the _Gabriel, the _trickster, _Gabriel,possess you?!" Sam shouted.

She blinked and narrowed her eyes. "Look, just because Gabe was a douche to you, doesn't mean he was anything but wonderful to me. I don't know where he is now, but I hope he found some happiness. I mean, he was almost killed by his brother!"

"I thought he _was _killed by his brother," Sam shot back.

Castiel's brows knit. He and Hope seemed to share a silent conversation, which really freaked Ryan out to be honest. "Care to share with the class?" she asked in a snippy tone.

Hope looked at her with wide eyes. "No, ma'am. Go on. You've told me the stories, but not with this much detail. I didn't know about Gabriel possessing you, Mom."

Ryan sighed. "Well, I couldn't say 'no'. I'm of his bloodline and we had a connection."

"You have the bloodline?" Cas asked her.

Ryan nodded. "My family tree goes all the way back to Loki's vessel, apparently. Or someone near him, in any case. My three kids have three different archangel vessel bloodlines."

Castiel's eyes widened. "You're shitting me."

"Cas!" came three different voices in admonishment.

He blushed. "I apologize. It's just…I didn't realize…it wasn't…" He shook his head. "Forgive me."

Ryan's lip quirked. "I see you learned a few things from Dean and Sam, didn't you?"

He smiled at her and motioned for her to continue her tale.

She told of how Gabriel had somehow abandoned her to find his new vessel and about the werewolf attack that led to Bobby's birth. On and on she went, right up to their last meeting where she became pregnant with the baby who was now starting to move slightly beneath her hand. She hadn't felt either of her other children this soon, but she could easily feel the little flutters as it moved. She rubbed her hand over her stomach. "He's not usually this active."

"He?" Sam asked.

She shrugged. "I just…it feels like a 'he'. I knew Hope would be a girl and I knew Bobby would be a boy, so I just went with it."

"May I?" Castiel asked softly as he held out a hand.

She eyed him warily but nodded.

He placed a hand on her stomach and she watched as his face recoiled slightly. Before she could ask what he was upset about, he stormed over to Bobby, who was eating a French fry Jody had handed him.

"What is it?" she inquired finally as he turned back to them.

"Your children are not normal."

She snorted. "No kidding. Hope is an angel, Cas. Are the boys, too?"

He shook his head. "No."

When he didn't elaborate, Ryan's eyes narrowed. "No? That's it?"

"Forgive me, I should amend. That one," he stated as he gestured to her stomach, "He certainly does not have angel grace."

That damn dread pitted in her once more. _How much more bad news can I handle today? _"Wh-what do you mean?"

His eyes narrowed as he looked at the boy in the youth chair. He sighed. "Hope, you could have warned me."

"Why?" she asked. "Would it make any difference?"

"It does to me."

Hope glared at him. "It shouldn't."

"But…this is complicated."

"I'm an angel and we're all Winchesters, Castiel! Complicated is our family motto!"

Sam, who had been quiet after his outburst over Gabriel's possession of Ryan, laughed out loud. Ryan shot him a look. He shrugged. "Well, she's not wrong."

Ryan turned back to Castiel. "What are you two talking about? What is wrong with my kids, Cas?"

Castiel sighed. "Bobby has…is…well, part vampire. It is in his blood."

She gasped. "What?"

"I am guessing you became with child after your first union with Dean that night. When you were bitten, the blood traveled to the child, changing him. When the cure was given, it cured him, too, but only in part. He was still affected, much like with drugs or alcohol poisoning."

She stood and snatched Bobby from his seat, clutching him to her. He looked at her and smiled as he tried to shove part of his chicken nugget into her mouth. "But…I did all the tests. I even stole a sample of his blood. I've done fang checks…all of it. I wondered, but…" She sucked in a breath. _It's okay, Ryan. He's okay. _"Is he…will he be okay?"

Castiel nodded. "I believe so. And certainly, as an archangel, he should be able to manage it."

Ryan felt herself sway and sat back down quickly. "What did you just say?"

"Bobby is Gabriel."

"WHAT?!" Sam shouted as he looked at the boy.

Bobby didn't seem particularly bothered by anyone as he got down from his mother's lap and went back to eating. "Cookie, Mommy?" he asked as he shoved another French fry into his mouth.

Ryan somehow managed to find her voice. "Eat your nuggets and fries, first, please."

He smiled and grabbed another nugget from the box. "Okay," he stated.

"Gabriel? It's…this…_he _is _Gabriel_?" Sam asked as he continued staring at Bobby.

Castiel nodded. "Hope recognized him, didn't you, Hope?"

Hope bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, I did, almost immediately after he was born, I felt he was my brother. It was only since March, when my powers started developing and my memories started coming back I knew he was Gabriel."

"Since March?" Ryan spoke up.

Hope nodded. "I'm sorry, Mama. I should have told you…"

"Oh, baby, you shouldn't have had to go through all this alone…"

"You've got a lot on you, Mom. With me, with Bobby, with the baby, then with Daddy being dead…"

Ryan hugged her daughter again. They still hadn't gotten to the part where Dean had become a demon yet. Ryan still wasn't sure how to tell Hope.

Castiel then spoke up. "Yes, Bobby, or rather, Gabriel, will be interesting to see what he grows into. However, he is not the one that worries me."

Ryan's hand traveled back to her stomach. "Wh-what is wrong with him?"

"He is most definitely part demon."

She gripped the table tightly as the room tilted. When the room quit spinning, she squeaked, "What?"

"I am sorry, Ryan. He is definitely part demon. At the very least, he has demon blood in him as Sam did when he was an abomination."

Sam rolled his eyes. "So, what do you suggest, Cas?"

"Had I not known you and Dean for so long, Sam, I would have, of course, recommended terminating her pregnancy."

"What!? No!" Ryan screamed. She was pro-life, all the way, always had been, even before this latest development.

Castiel held up his hands. "Be calm, Ryan. I said had I not known the Winchesters. They have become...family to me. And in being around them for so long, I realize some of my views were skewed. This child is not half demon. He only has a bit of it in him, no doubt, due to the mark Dean had at the time of the child's conception."

"But what does that mean?" Ryan begged. "What will happen to him?"

Cas shook his head. "I do not know. But I do know that he is Dean's. He will fight for the side of good."

"Like Dean is now?" Sam spat. "Because he's doing a really shitty job of it at the moment."

"Sam…you do not understand what Dean is going through right now," Cas intoned gently.

"And you, with your 'profound bond' with him, get it? He's a demon. You're an angel. He tried to _kill _you, Cas! He wanted me to sign up to be Lucifer's bitch again! It's more than a little fucking complicated, damn it!"

Castiel nodded. "It is, indeed, complicated, but not impossible to deal with. I have spoken to him a few times since his transformation. He is doing the best he can."

"What does that mean?" Jody asked, speaking up for the first time in a while. "What does that mean for us, for the world, for Dean?"

Cas' face was grim. "The angel panel now in charge of Heaven has a few ideas, one of which we have handed to him."

"Cas…what did you do, man?" Sam growled.

"We have asked Dean to rule Hell. If he is the one in charge, the balance will return."

"Damn it, Cas!" Sam shouted, startling Bobby, who started to cry.

"I'm going to put him down," Ryan cut in as she picked him up once more. He, like Hope, didn't like loud noises or yelling. She shushed him and he put his thumb in his mouth. She picked up his blue monkey that had fallen to the floor while he was eating and he rubbed its yarn hair against his ear, something he did when he was nervous or stressed. "It's late, he didn't nap today…"

"Let me," Jody provided as she picked up a cookie and handed it to the little boy. On a whisper, she added, "You stay here, keep Sam from beating up on Castiel, alright?"

Ryan looked from the man to the angel and nodded. "Good idea." She kissed Bobby's head and handed him to Jody. He went willingly to Auntie Jody and she watched the two of them walk out of the room. She turned back to the table. "Hope…" Ryan began. Where did she start? From the way Hope reacted, or rather, _didn't _react to Sam's outburst, clearly she already knew the truth about Dean's…transformation, and honestly, Ryan was too tired to question it at the moment.

"Mom, I know I'm a kid, but I need to be here for this conversation."

Ryan blew out an exhausted breath and nodded. "Okay, you're right."

That seemed to be Sam's cue to begin the argument anew. "For God's sake, Cas!" Sam shouted. "He might be a demon, but he's still my brother! You were supposed to try to get him out of this! Not recruit him to take over as the King of Hell!"

Ryan winced as it all sank in. _Dean as a demon, Dean as a Knight of Hell, Dean as the King of Hell…_she couldn't compute.

"There was no other choice, Sam," Cas told him and Ryan heard the weariness in the angel's voice. "Do you think I didn't look? I've consulted older angels than I to try and find someone that knows anything about The Mark. But unless you feel up to battling Lucifer to let him out of the cage to ask him, then I am fresh out of ideas. The Mark has to be transferred to someone worthy. Dean is the _only _one worthy enough to wear The Mark and still balance the good and evil that is Hell."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "Okay, so, Dean will be King of Hell? Awesome," she deadpanned. "So…how will that set the scales back to balanced?"

"He doesn't care about the souls. That was always mine and Crowley's problem," Cas admitted. "We both wanted the souls. So did Abaddon, and that has been all three of our downfalls. Dean will restore order because he is, and always will be, demon or not, a righteous man."

"But…how?" Ryan wondered aloud. "How can he be both a demon _and _righteous?"

Cas smiled a true smile. "Because. He is Dean Winchester. And there is nothing Dean can not do."

She could hardly argue with his logic or his confidence in the man she loved. She nodded. "Alright then. I believe you."

"What?!" Sam shouted.

She turned to him. "Sam, look, I realize you and I don't know each other really well, but I _do _know Dean. And you do, too. If anyone can rule Hell and keep the balance, it's your brother."

"And, as soon as he finds solid footing as the leader there, he will find worthy demons to bestow knighthood upon," Cas provided.

"What?" Sam demanded.

"He will need help. Surely you can think of one or two demons that may prove to be worthy of such a job."

Ryan gaped. "I didn't think you guys trusted demons."

"Well, seeing as Dean is _one of them _what choice do we have?" Sam shot back.

"It'll all work itself out," Hope spoke up. The three adults looked at her. "Gabriel didn't tell me the plan, but I know he had one."

"If we could somehow tap into his memories…" Cas began.

"You are _not _tapping into anything on my son!" Ryan shouted. "He's a baby for crying out loud! I don't care if he is one of the most powerful angels on the planet, he's still a baby!"

Sam sighed wearily. "She's right. Gabriel is off the board for the moment, so, we'll have to play it close to our chests for now."

Hope blinked. "Wait…I remember something…"

"Something Gabriel said?"

She shook her head. "There were prophecies…prophecies about The Righteous Man."

Cas's brows furrowed. "Yes, there were. But when the apocalypse didn't come to pass, I just assumed none of them would come true."

"Or…what if they could only come true _if _the apocalypse didn't happen?" Hope interjected excitedly.

"Care to clue us two humans in on it?" Sam asked sourly.

Cas nodded. "Let me go get them."

Hope's eyes grew wide. "You can get into the scribe's room?"

Castiel smiled. "A lot has changed since you were last in Heaven, Hope. Give me a moment, I will see what I can find." In a flash, he was gone.

Ryan blinked. "So…I'm guessing we just sit and wait…?" Just then, Castiel popped back in. He brought a scroll with him, written on what almost seemed to be gold parchment. "It's beautiful," she breathed as she reached out to touch it.

Cas snapped it out of her reach. "This was not meant for human hands, and certainly not human hands with demon blood running through them.

Ryan felt all the blood leave her face. "What?"

Cas looked at her with sadness. "Your son carries demon blood. It too, courses through you, at least in traces…"

She sat there in shock for a moment before she felt Sam's hand clasp over hers. "Breathe, Ryan."

She sucked in a great lungful of air. "Wh-What do you mean? I'm…"

Cas just looked at her sadly and didn't respond.

She shook her head. "No. NO! I'm not part demon!"

"But your son is," Castiel stated softly. "Your son, whether you like it or not, is part demon. He will grow in power because his father has The Mark of Cain. He will have demonic powers, Ryan. There is no escaping that."

Two fat tears rolled down her face. "No…"

"It's true, Mom. I feel it," Hope told her softly. "But that's okay. We can show him how to be good…"

"Hey, I had demon blood in me for years, and I wasn't the worst person on the planet," Sam chipped in with a small smile.

Ryan straightened her spine and nodded. She wiped furiously at the tears on her face and nodded. "You're right. My kids are special. All three of them. And we'll handle that…specialness, as it comes."

Castiel looked down at the scroll and smiled. "Luckily, this is written in Enochian, otherwise, I would never be able to read it. It isn't like the tablets. The prophecies are for anyone to read, if they are dealing with the current situation."

"What does it say?" Sam inquired, his tone more than a little curious.

"May I?" Hope asked softly.

Cas handed her the tablet and Ryan watched as her daughter traced the symbols. The little girl's eyes grew wide. She looked up at Cas, who was reading over her shoulder. "Is this true?"

He shrugged. "It would certainly make sense, would it not?"

"Yeah, but…seriously?"

"It all makes sense. If it was what Gabriel was trying to make come to pass, then, with this last child, he's succeeded."

"What?" Sam and Ryan asked in unison.

Hope cleared her throat and read, "He who is the righteous man will bear fruit, and thus the balance will be restored; one to Heaven, one to Hell, one to Purgatory, and one to the Earth. This shall bring about the balance between the plains. And then the man, who was dealt many blows, shall finally find peace."

They sat in silence for a moment before Sam spoke up, "Peace? What do they mean?"

"Death? Heaven? Nothingness? I don't know. Metatron wasn't known for being blunt. He tended to get a bit flowery," Hope commented.

"You…know Metatron?" Sam asked her.

Hope nodded. "I'm one of the oldest living angels, Sam."

He sat back in his chair and blinked. "I think I need a drink."

Ryan let out a snort. "Cabinet next the refrigerator. Drink one for me, yeah?"

He nodded as he stood and walked to her liquor stash. He selected a bottle and poured a hefty dose into a coffee mug from her mug tree. He downed it quickly and said, "Okay, Hope. Now it's your turn."

Hope smiled shyly. "Well, okay, but I don't know much. Gabe kept me in the dark…"

"He does that," Sam stated sullenly.

Ryan sighed. "Sam, I know you don't love Gabriel, but maybe, just maybe, he did things the way he did for a reason."

"I'd really like to know why," he shot back bitterly.

"Maybe Hope can shed some light on the subject."

The three "adults" looked at the girl. She sighed. "All I know is what Gabriel told me, which was precious little."

"Start at the beginning," Castiel told her softly.

"The beginning? Of what? My creation? How I fell with Gabriel? How we hid ourselves away? Or just what is pertinent to my life now?"

"That is fine. The rest, we will find out about later."

Hope sighed again. "Well, let's see, it started about twelve years ago."

"When you became mine?" Ryan asked gently.

Hope smiled. "Yeah, sort of. See, Gabriel and I were friends in Heaven. He was such a trickster, even upstairs. He was…he was so light and carefree. Michael was so focused on the job, and Lucifer was just wanting an out, and then there was Gabriel…the little black sheep. He tried so hard to keep everyone together, to keep everything like it was. But then everything happened as it did and we knew the time would come, we would have to choose to stand with one side or the other. He didn't want that. He wanted out. He asked me if I could go along with him. I don't know his plan, I still don't. Not then, not now. But he did have a plan. And his orders came from more than just him."

"You don't mean…"

Hope nodded. "The Father commanded it, so it was so. I didn't ask for any details. I wanted out, period. My sisters and I were kept under lock and key. I wanted adventure."

"You and your sisters…? Aren't all the heavenly host your brothers and sisters?" Sam interjected.

Hope thought a moment. "We are all the same, like humans, but we still have ones we consider more 'family' than others. Castiel is not my brother in the truest sense, but we are the same species. It is…it's complicated, let's just leave it at that."

Ryan nodded. "Okay, so, who are your sisters?"

"Faith and Love. We are the three virtues."

"The Virtues are angels?"

Hope nodded. "In the truest sense of the word, yes. Like the seven deadly sins were actually demons, we are actual angels. The three of us were created simultaneously."

"But you weren't close with them?"

Hope bit her lip. "I was always a bit of a loner, kind of like you, Mom. I kept to myself. But Gabriel…" She smiled. "Gabriel broke through all my walls. He and I were truly like brother and sister. That's why he chose me, I guess. He saw that same wanderlust in my eyes he had in his. So, we fell together. He went to become Loki, and I became Dionysus."

Ryan gasped and Hope smiled. "You've heard of me."

Sam frowned. "Yeah, we've heard of you."

Hope giggled. "Yeah, well, what can I say? Me and Gabriel enjoy being mischief makers. I think that's why he wanted us to be Winchesters. We fit right in."

"No shit," Ryan muttered. She realized what she said and blushed. "Sorry, Hopey."

Hope laughed. "No problem, Mom. Not the first time I've heard you cuss, you know."

Ryan smiled at her daughter. "You're still you, aren't you? Even though you've got the angel juice flowing through you?"

Hope stood and went to hug Ryan. "I've always _had _the angel juice, Mom. Now I'm just more in tune with it. I'm seeing things and remembering things and doing things, but I'm still just Hope. I'm your daughter. I love you more than anything else in the world, save my two brothers, and my uncle," she smiled at Sam. "And my dad," she whispered.

Ryan pulled Hope to her tightly for a hug. "I love you," she breathed into her daughter's ear.

Hope kissed Ryan's cheek and pulled away, then went to sit back down. "So, anyway, as I was saying, I was Dionysus. I caused trouble. Life was good."

"Dionysus was a dude," Sam pointed out.

Hope rolled her eyes. "Like that matters? I'm an angel, Sam. I can be whoever I want to be."

"But you have to ask permission, right?"

Ryan blinked as realization dawned. "Do you have a soul in there? Is there another Hope inside you?" She didn't want to think about it, but had this angel been possessing her daughter all this time?"

Hope's face fell. "No, Mama. I'm still me. I've always been me. I promise. I'm just me. I'm the only one that's ever been in this body, I swear. Gabriel found a way to steal an unborn vessel from a soul. I was born me, just like he was born him. He is Gabriel, but he is Bobby. Just like I'm Hope, but I'm Hope. No one but me. Promise."

"Okay, I believe you. I'm sorry. I just…"

Hope nodded. "I know. It's…complicated."

"Story of my life," Ryan muttered.

Sam grinned. "Welcome to the family, Ryan. You're a Winchester for sure, now."

She shot him a glare. She was not, nor would she ever be, a Winchester. Not anymore. Even if she entertained the notion, she couldn't be. Dean was gone. A demon. She would never get that happily ever after she wanted… She bit her lip and forced the tears back. "Go on, Hope."

Hope looked at her mom a moment before she spoke again. "So, I got tired of being Dionysus. I had thought about finding another vessel, but decided just to stick in it for a little while longer. I mean, it was fun and all, but I…angels aren't gender specific. We are neither male nor female. However, I always identified more with girls. I don't know why, I always did, even in Heaven. We were called 'sister' and others were called 'brother' so we weren't assigned genders, but we generally cleaved to one or the other. When I took Dionysus' body, I didn't realize he would be male, which, I'm afraid, is why some of the rumors about him started going around. He was a guy, but he was feminine. Well, that's on me. Oops."

Sam chuckled and Ryan smiled.

Hope grinned. "So, anyway, Gabe sent me a message, said to meet him. I went, and he took us on a time trip."

"Where did you go?"

"Lawrence, Kansas, circa 1979."

Ryan gasped and Hope nodded. "You're getting the picture now, aren't you?"

Sam's brows furrowed and he looked at Ryan. "You two…it…"

They both looked at Hope, whose smile was gentle. "It isn't every day you get to witness a cupid work her magic on your parents."

Ryan shook her head and swallowed hard as her brow furrowed. "No, it isn't…it isn't possible."

"It's not?"

Ryan couldn't help the tears this time. "No, Hope. It can't be."

"I'm sorry, Mom, but it is. You and Dad are soul mates."

Ryan's chair hit the floor as she stood. "No, damn it, no! He is _not _my soul mate! You aren't handing me that!" She turned and stormed down the hall and out onto the porch to get some fresh air. She took in great lungfuls as black spots formed in her vision. She grasped the railing of the porch for support. "Why?" she whispered before she screamed out into the night, "WHY ME? Why, God?! Why does it have to be me?"

She looked down at her knockout rose bush. She could make out the bright red blooms from the porch light. "Why is it always me, huh? I mean, I knew there was something, some…cosmic force keeping me alive. Hell, you don't fuck up committing suicide twice. You don't live through all the shit I lived through with those demons when I was eleven without help. You don't just suddenly overcome mental illness. It doesn't work that way. I'm not an idiot."

She turned and saw Sam standing there, just listening to her, being an ear for her. "I love your brother. I've loved him from the time I was old enough to know what love is. And I thought it was misplaced gratitude, I thought it was because he was the only guy to touch me with tenderness, the first and only guy I'd slept with, you know? But…then Gabriel came to me and I realized I had to choose; him, or the kid. And I chose the kid and walked away. Then, when The Gospels started coming, I got to know Dean, the real Dean, and I got to know you, too. And I fell even more in love with him. That day, when we met up, the vampire hunt…I can't tell you how _right _it felt, being with him. Then, when he left me, it tore me in two. I mean, I got it. I understood. He wasn't in the right mind space. I went on with my life, but I still loved him. Fast forward to now, to this…" Her eyes dipped to her stomach and her hand settled gently on the small baby bump. "I still love him." Her eyes shot to Sam's. "He is a demon, Sam. How are we going to live with Dean being a demon?"

Tears were rolling down his face and he moved to her slowly, cautiously, and she allowed him to take her in his arms. "I don't know," he whispered and she felt his hot tears on her shoulder. "I don't know. But I think maybe, just maybe, we can do it, together."

They stood there crying for a few minutes, both relishing the fact there was someone _there _for them until finally she pulled away, sniffed, and wiped her face. "Well aren't we just a couple of sad sacks?"

He chuckled and wiped his own face. "In our defense, I think we deserve to have a couple of pity parties."

She laughed at that. "I couldn't agree more. Come on, let's go back in. I guess we need to find out more."

He opened the screen door for her and she reached out to grasp his hand. He looked down at her smaller hand in his in surprise for only a moment before his tightened around hers.

"Together," she whispered.

He nodded.

They walked back into the kitchen and sat once more. Jody, she noticed, was now sitting back at the table. "Is Bobby okay?"

Jody nodded. "He was tired. He only wanted me to read 'Goodnight Moon' once before he said 'night-night'."

"He was tired then," Ryan mused. Usually she had to read it three times and one Thomas the Train story before he conked out. She took a cleansing breath, then said, "Okay, Hope, so, Dean and I are soul mates. What does that mean?"

Jody's eyes grew wide. "Wait. I missed a few things. "Soul mates? Like, the real deal?"

Ryan nodded. "I guess so. But I don't understand. Sam and Dean are soul mates, right?"

"Wait, what?" Sam looked up. "We. Are. Brothers, Ryan."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Duh, Sam. Soul mates aren't just romantic love. Even I know that. A soul mate is one whose soul is tied to another's. Isn't that why they shared a heaven when they visited upstairs?"

Castiel shook his head. "No, they do share a bond, yes, which is why I was able to contact Dean in the first place, because of _my _bond to him. But, no, they are not soul's mates. Some families can have bonds so tight, not even Heaven can separate them. I have to admit, they did not get much of a tour of Heaven when they were there…"

"No, we were too busy running from whats-his-face to enjoy the view," Sam stated sourly. His brow furrowed. "Wait. How did you know about that?"

"Most of your…adventures are recorded in The Winchester Gospels."

"How much information?" he questioned hotly.

"It isn't like reading the Supernatural books, Sam. The Gospels are clinical. It has dates, information, some dialog, but for the most part, it's like…it's like a transcript. It tells the story, but without a shred of humanity. I had to read between the lines to see how close you and Dean really are, all the sacrifices both of you have made…But when the angels fell, The Gospels stopped coming."

"But I thought only Chuck knew them…"

Ryan shook her head. "I don't know. Gabriel said they came straight from Heaven. I assumed he meant a scribe, but I don't think he meant Metatron…"

"Wila," Hope stated. "Wila was the one who wrote down the prophecies as they came. Is she…"

Castiel shook his head. "She died in the fall."

Hope sniffed and nodded. "So many have died…"

"No more, though. Not now. We are rounding up those who still agree with Metatron, but they are precious few since everyone, even those such as yourself, heard what he said."

"Good. I hope he burns for this," Hope stated bitterly.

"He has already given up his grace. The rest, will come with time."

"His grace?" Sam asked.

Castiel's eyes glowed angel blue. "He gifted me with his grace as part of his penance. Which is why I am still alive. He stole mine, so he gifted me with his."

"Out of the goodness of his heart?" Sam spat.

Castiel grinned. "No. Because the court demanded it."

"It won't burn out?"

Cas glanced at Hope, who smiled at him. "No. Not this time."

"Good."

Ryan looked at Hope. "Honey, I know you're tired. Let's get you to bed…"

"No, I need to finish the story." Hope yawned, but continued. "After we watched the cupid work her mojo, Gabriel took me forward in time to when he saved your life in the hospital."

Ryan gasped. "It was him that saved me? Everyone was surprised I lived."

"You should have died. Tessa came for you, but Gabriel scared her off."

"Tessa…the reaper?"

Hope nodded. "Yes." She shivered. "I have never liked the reapers, though I know it is not their fault. They take their jobs very seriously. But Tessa was always nice."

"She's dead, too," Sam spoke up.

"No…oh, how many of us are left, Castiel?" Hope wondered quietly.

"Precious few," he stated. "Which is why everyone will rejoice when I tell them of your and Gabriel's survival…"

"No! You can't, Cas! We can't. We have to stay here!"

"I agree with Hope," Ryan stated stiffly. "My kids aren't going to go to Heaven, Cas. Not now, at least. They'll stay here and grow up like Gabriel told me to do. I'm the one in charge of the kids. No one else."

"They. Are. Not. Children! They are angels!"

"And they are _mine_," she growled. "They are my babies and they will stay with me until such time _they _leave. Gabriel gave me strict instructions for a reason, Cas."

The angel and the human stared at one another for a moment before Cas broke and sighed. "Very well. They will stay with you for a time."

"Good. Glad we got that settled."

Hope smiled. "So, anyway, as I was saying…the next and final stop on my tour through your life led me to New Orleans…"

"The night you were…?"

Hope nodded. "I saw you and Dad walk out of the diner. You got in the Impala and went off to take care of the two remaining witches of the coven. Gabriel told me of his plan, how I was to be born into this body. He told me I had a greater purpose in life. I never knew what he meant by that. But now, with the prophecy, I get it."

"Four children."

"We will need to go get the last."

Cas nodded. "He is fine, for a time. I've been keeping up with him."

"Ben," Ryan breathed.

"Ben?" Sam asked.

Ryan nodded. "I knew, when I saw him at Bobby's house. He's Dean's, isn't he?"

Castiel nodded gently. "He is. I know. I saw it when I took his memory from Lisa's mind."

Ryan didn't realize tears were falling again until Jody handed her a Kleenex. "He's such a sweet boy. Or he was, anyway."

"You've met him? When?"

She looked at Sam and smiled. "A chance meeting. A Wendigo and a Djinn attack happened almost simultaneously. Bobby sent me to handle the Wendigo with Garth. I just finished it and went to cuss Bobby out because Garth was an incompetent ass that got me burned. It just so happened, Dean had brought Ben and Lisa there for safety."

Sam's eyes grew wide. "We just missed you?"

"Thank God you did. Can you imagine?"

"It would have been quite awkward," Castiel supplied.

"Ya think?" she deadpanned.

He smiled but remained quiet.

"So…now what? Where do we go from here?"

Hope sighed. She sounded so world-weary for a ten year old. "Now, well, it looks I'll be Heaven bound again in a few years."

"Why you? Why not Gabriel?"

"Gabriel's vessel is tainted. He wouldn't be allowed back in Heaven. He will go to Purgatory."

Ryan gasped. She had read very little about Purgatory, except for what she knew in The Gospels, but it didn't sound like a great place. "But…he's an angel…"

"And he's also part vampire. That should make him interesting, to say the least."

Ryan sighed as well and barely stifled a yawn. Her brain was so full, she couldn't quite process everything. Not tonight, anyway. Perhaps, once things had sunken in a bit, she would need to find out more about these prophecies and what they meant for her children. But for now, she would be at peace with everything. It would all work out as it was supposed to. Wouldn't it?

"Wow. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm beat. Looks like we've had a long, full night. Let's go to bed. Tomorrow's the Fourth of July and it's Bobby's birthday. Let's celebrate it to its fullest, right?"

Ryan smiled at Jody. "You're right, Jody. Life goes on, doesn't it?"

Jody stood and gave Hope a hug before hugging Ryan. "You call me if you need to talk. See you tomorrow. We still doing the lake thing?"

Ryan nodded. "I think we need that. All of us."

"You bringing the big guy with you?"

Ryan looked at Sam, who had stood to grab another shot of alcohol. "Yep. Whether he wants to come or not."

Jody smiled. "Good. See you tomorrow."

They all watched her walk out and Castiel said, "Ryan, I will leave the sigils on your ribs for now. I can find you through Hope, but after the baby is born, I would like to remove them so I can find you."

She nodded. "Sure, Cas. Whatever."

Ryan yawned and Castiel said, "Well, it appears it is time for me to take my leave. The humans need sleep and Dea-uh, I've been told it is 'creepy' to remain here while you rest."

Ryan felt tears sting her eyes. Almost every bit of humanity the angel had learned had been from Dean or Sam. She had read the books. She knew how much the men loved one another. Cas was like another brother to Dean. Therefore, he was to be treated just as Sam was. She knew she wasn't Dean's wife, hell, wasn't much of anything by comparison to the other women Dean had been with, but she had a kinship to both these men. She would love them and protect them. She knew what her life was about. It wasn't just about her three kids…it was about protecting the Winchester family, what was left of it. Finally, she realized…that was why she was alive. That was why she had been saved time and again. That was why every steppingstone and every crossroad she came to led her to Dean. She was a Winchester in everything but name. She would look after them all now, in Dean's stead.

She stood and hugged Cas. "You can stay, if you'd like. I have an extensive library and also a training room in the basement. If, uh, if you aren't pulling angel duty, you are more than welcome to hang out here."

Cas blinked. "That…that is gracious of you, but I will decline the invitation just now. However, I will take a 'rain check' for another day. Alright?"

She smiled. "Yeah, sounds good."

He turned to Sam. "I will see you, Sam."

"Thanks, Cas, man, I appreciate everything."

Castiel inclined his head to Hope, who winked at him. "See ya, bro," she commented.

He smiled and disappeared with a flutter of wings.

Ryan chuckled. "I think the flying away will take some getting used to."

Sam smiled a little. "Cas has that effect on people."

Ryan yawned again. "Okay, bedtime. I'm exhausted."

Hope yawned as well. "Me too."

"I think we still have stuff to talk about," Sam began.

"Tomorrow," Ryan stated with an air of finality. Hope needed her rest. She might be an angel, but she was still a ten year old little girl. "Go on up, I'll be there in a minute," she told her daughter.

Hope stood and smiled sadly as she walked over to Sam. "For what it's worth, I'm really glad you're here, Uncle Sam."

Ryan held in a sob as Sam's eyes filled with tears. "Me too, kid," he managed.

The two adults watched her walk away and Ryan stood. The fast food Jody had brought had given her indigestion. She went to the cabinet and grabbed some antacid tablets and chewed them thoughtfully as she poured a large glass of milk.

"You okay, Ryan?"

Her brain was in overdrive. Okay? How could she ever be okay again?

"Ryan? Are you okay?" Sam questioned softly as he reached out to touch her arm.

She looked up and shrugged. "It's a shitty time to be knocked up. I could use a fucking drink."

Sam smiled and nodded before pouring himself another glass. "Well, I'll drink one for you."

She shot him a look. "Thanks a bunch."

He tossed the drink back and hissed. "My pleasure."

They were silent for a moment before she sighed. "Am I okay?" She turned to Sam again. "How the hell should I know? Everything I thought I knew got turned on its head tonight. I…God, Sam, I thought I was signing on to raise three hunters. How the hell was I supposed to know I'm raising the saviors of the fucking universe!"

He poured another generous glass of whiskey and sipped it thoughtfully. "It could be worse."

"How?"

He winced. "I don't know. It sounded good."

She laughed flatly. "Yeah, well, I guess you're right." She yawned again, finished her milk, and walked to the kitchen door.

"What are we going to do without him?" Sam wondered softly.

She turned back to him. "Your guess is as good as mine," she replied.

Sam yawned and Ryan laid a hand on his shoulder. "I've got to go to bed, but you need to get some sleep, too. There's a full bedroom and bathroom in the basement. Please, go rest, take a shower, revive, Sam."

"I…okay. Thanks."

She stood on tiptoe and he bent down as she kissed his forehead. Time had changed her. She was as comfortable around him now as she had been when she was eleven. Of course, she felt sure it would be difficult if he made any sudden movements or encroached on her personal space, but for now, she went with it and gave out the comfort she knew he needed, knew he craved, even if he didn't realize it. "Look, life is hard now. I get that. It's a different hardship than what you're used to. Stick around here a while with me and Jody. Just be around friends for a few days, get your sea legs. Get your bearings. Tomorrow is Bobby's birthday party. We would love for you to join us."

He looked into her eyes. "Are you for real, Ryan?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I am. He's gone, Sam, but I'm right here. I'll be here for you."

"Why?"

No more lies. No more half-truths. She would be honest with him from here on out. She couldn't tell Dean the truth, but she owed it to his brother. "I always wondered why I lived. I've lived through what those bastard demons did to me when I was eleven. I lived through two suicide attempts. I've lived through countless stupid acts fighting evil because I thought I was invincible. I lived through a vampire transformation, a werewolf trying to eat me at eight months pregnant, and now, I've lived through being told the love of my life is a demon. Time and again, I've wondered _why_. Well, now I know."

She ran her fingers through his hair. "You, Sam. Your family is now my family. These three kids are Winchesters. Well, so are you."

He started to speak, but she shook her head. "Let me finish, please?" She waited a beat, then continued; "You've never known what it's like to have a mother, Sam. You've never known what it's like to have a positive feminine presence in your life." She smiled. "I'm the big sister you never knew you always wanted. I _swear_ I'll be there for you from now on."

He grasped her and hugged her tightly to him as the sobs began anew and she realized they weren't going to get to sleep anytime soon.

* * *

**Sam POV**

Sam slept fitfully on the guest bed down in the basement. His nightmares had him waking up more than once as he relived that night…the night in the warehouse. He reached for the bottle he'd brought downstairs, not even picking up a glass as he swigged it and the images came pouring back from the dream…

_Sam watched in horror as Cas leaned back from the thing Dean was now, slightly, but that just caused Dean to move closer. "Dean, I do not know what you ever thought, but trust me when I say, I never had feelings of a sexual nature for you. You are my brother in arms, or you were. I considered you family. I still do. Please, learn how to channel this evil within you. If not for me, do it for Sam…"_

_Dean let out another laugh as his gaze lit on Sam. "Sammy! I almost forgot about you! How could I forget my dear brother? Another would-be king. I tell ya, I bet you didn't feel this juiced on demon blood." _

_Sam felt he would be sick as Dean lifted the blade to his left arm and sliced it, so it began to ooze, the red dripping down his arm obscenely. Dean then held out his arm toward Sam. "Smell it. Don't you know it tastes delicious? You could be with me, Sammy. All you have to do is give in. Just a taste. Come on, we can march straight down there to Hell and let old Luci out of his cage. Wouldn't that be a hoot and a half? Dude, the things we could do, the shit we could fuck up…Luci wearing you as his meat suit, me, being his number one knight…"_

He shivered. No, he wasn't sure his brother would ever be "good" again, and all that shit Cas was spouting about him still being righteous? Please. He had seen enough before the fight between whatever Dean now was and Cas to know Dean was gone. He was dead and he was never coming back from this.

He barely remembered Cas fighting Dean, nor when Dean regained some semblance of sanity before he winked out of sight. Sam had never been more afraid than those next few nights, terrified his brother would try to come and force-feed him demon blood. It wasn't the first time it had happened to him. He hadn't slept for three days straight until, finally, Castiel had charged another angel with the job of babysitting Sam. And even then, with the angel standing guard over him all night, he had barely slept. He hadn't been this exhausted since his hallucinations of Lucifer.

He fell back onto the bed and glanced around the room. It was utilitarian, nothing special, just a guest bedroom. Deciding he wouldn't get anymore sleep, he stood and walked out into Ryan's training room. Despite the alcohol and grief running through his system, he marveled at what all she had down there. From the exercise equipment to the knife collection, to the guns mounted on the walls, it was as well stocked if not more so than the bunker. His lip lifted unbidden as he realized what it reminded him of; Dean's room. When they'd first moved into the bunker, Dean had tricked out his room and made it his own. Ryan had done something similar with not just the space, but the whole damn house, making it somewhere very safe indeed for her children to live and grow. He had noticed the precautions Ryan had taken around the house, from the sigils to the devil's traps, to the damn silverware. She was cautious, but she wasn't quite as obsessed about the kid's safety or hunting as his father had been.

He walked over and his finger slid along the saber she had hung up. "Damn you, asshole," he muttered. "The perfect woman for you was right in front of your fucking face and you couldn't see it. All those times you and her got together. Coincidence, my ass." He sucked in a breath and took another generous drink of the bottle in his hand. "Fuck you, Dean! You think you know everything, right? Well, what do you think now?"

He drank the rest of the bottle and tossed it against the wall. It shattered on impact as he screamed. "I'm here with who _you _are supposed to be with for _your _son's birthday that _you _don't even know about! You're so fucking stupid, you fucking asshole! I hate you! I hate you!" he started throwing the knives at the target wall, and when he'd thrown them all, he began ripping the guns off their racks, tossing them to the floor. "She's yours, Dean! She was supposed to be yours and you didn't see it! You didn't even look!"

He turned over the table that had the salt rounds and the shotgun shells on it. Salt and gunpowder decorated the floor like odd glitter. "Fuck you and your fucking self-sacrificing bullshit! Because of you, she's miserable! Because of you, I'm miserable! Because of you, these kids will never realize how great their father is!" He collapsed onto the floor, sobbing.

"Come back," he muttered into the carpet. "Please, Dean…just come back…"

He must have passed out at some point, because when he looked around, soft light was filtering in from the small barred windows near the ceiling. His head hurt like a bitch and his mouth was dry and tasted like ass. He dragged himself back into the bedroom and stripped out of his clothes, thankful the angel that was assigned babysitting duty had packed him a bag. He didn't know how long he spent under the hot spray, but the shower felt so good. "Water pressure," he commented and then he started sobbing again. Would every damn thing remind him of his brother?

He stepped out and rifled through his duffle. He slid on some jeans and a tee, not even bothering with an over-shirt. It was the fourth of July and he felt sure it would be hot today.

He walked back out and surveyed the damage he'd done to the room. He winced as he walked to the table. He righted it and began picking things back up. In the light of day, he could truthfully say he was impressed by all of Ryan's training equipment, things she wouldn't use for a few months yet due to her condition.

He blew out a breath as he stood straight and moved to the wall to begin putting guns back where they belonged. _Her condition. Ryan's condition_. God help him, he couldn't believe it. She'd had three kids by Dean and kept it from him, well, with good reason, he supposed. An angel telling you what to do, prophecies, it was all mind blowing.

He remembered how he'd felt that morning they left here, just a few months ago. It had bothered him when they'd left, but he'd still been half pissed at Dean for keeping Gadreel a secret. And what a clusterfuck everything else had been from there. It was terrible. He couldn't believe it all, even now, months later, he was having a hard time swallowing all of it.

He continued picking things up, straightening the space as best he could. He sighed. Though he hadn't slept well, and he felt hung-over as all fuck, he felt rested, comforted, somehow, by the presence of Ryan and her kids. The kid might be an angel, but she looked like Dean. He had seen it almost immediately. Sure, she had Ryan's brown eyes, but everything else, right down to the damn smirk on her face, was Dean Winchester in feminine, child-like form. It was…eerie, that's what it was. It was what had prompted him to check into Ryan's records. She had hidden everything well, he had to give her props. She kept her paper trail all but nonexistent, and the two kids papers were faked to the nth degree, but he'd managed to find the real documents…the actual birth certificates. Mother: Ryan Fawcett. Father: Dean Winchester. It was…mind blowing. The kids even had their last name; Hope Deanna Winchester and Robert Gabriel Winchester, respectively. He had questions, tons more questions, but he wasn't ready today. He wasn't sure he was ready for anything.

The smell of coffee drifted down the stairs from the kitchen and he quickly slipped his boots on before heading up the stairs. There, he was greeted by the sight of Ryan cooking. She hadn't heard him, obviously, and he heard her soft, melodious voice singing along with Amy Lee and his heart ached. "My Immortal" was a song he associated with Jess, and it didn't make him feel better. Ryan had lost the love of her life, even if she never had Dean all to herself, and that was something Sam could understand. He heard the pain in her voice as she sang the words. And that was when it really hit him…he wasn't the only one that missed Dean. Dean may not have loved her, but it was all too evident that she loved Dean with every fiber of her being. Why hadn't the thought crossed his mind before now? He knew there was a reason she kept the kids from him, and last night, it all came together, but he hadn't realized how deep her love for his brother ran. It was…humbling. Dean always instilled loyalty into people. Cas was proof enough of that. It was a shame his brother had no clue how much people cared for him. And now it was all too late.

He was entranced by her as she stood at the kitchen sink, staring out into the back yard, her soft voice singing. The song ended and another came on and he saw her head fall and her shoulders shake as the tears overcame her. He held back, giving her a moment to compose herself. He watched her wipe her face with the back of her arm and narrow her eyes at the iPod. "Fuck you, I'm not doing it. Today is Bobby's birthday, damn it. I can't do this to him, to Hope. I've been strong thinking he was dead, now this…fuck. I'll deal with it." She punched the button, changing the song, and Sam smiled as "Mz. Hyde" by Halestorm came on. "Work through it, Ryan," she muttered. His smile grew as she moved her head back and forth a few moments before she began to give her ass a little shake and she started a little dance routine as she started singing.

He propped himself up on the doorjamb and had to hold in a laugh as she flipped the bacon in the pan and checked something in the oven that smelled deliciously like cinnamon rolls, still dancing around. _She's going to be fine, Sam. Take a cue from Ryan and be okay. Dean-Dean would want you to be happy, right? _

"Welcome to the nightmare in my head, say hello to something scary. The monster in your bed. Just give in and you won't sorry. Welcome to my evil side. Hello it's Mz. Hyde!" she sang as she turned and caught him watching her.

She clutched the spatula to her chest and gasped. "Damn it, Sam!" she shouted as he laughed.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan, I swear, I just…I was feeling like shit, and then you're doing this little dance number and I feel better and I owe you a shit ton of rock salt and gun powder because I fucked up your training room and…" he hung his head.

He heard her giggle as she walked over to him and handed him a cup of coffee. "Rough night?"

"Rough life," he commented softly as he accepted the cup and sat at the table.

She sighed. "I know the feeling." She walked back to the bacon and turned it again. "Are you okay?" she asked finally.

"No," he answered.

She smiled. "At least you didn't bullshit me."

He shrugged. "What's the point, right?"

She pulled the bacon out of the pan, put it on a plate, and stuck the plate in the microwave. At his raised eyebrow, she said, "I didn't sleep well, either. The kids will be a while yet. I just felt like going ahead and cooking the bacon. It makes everything else easier."

"You been up long?"

She stared at him a moment as if deciding something, before she nodded. "Long enough to hear you fuck up the training room. I was making dough."

"Sorry," he apologized.

She shook her head. "The number of times I've thrown shit to make myself feel better numbers in the thousands. My temper tends to burn cool, but when I get worked up, it doesn't matter, I just fuck up shit, too. It's okay."

She came and sat down at the table with her own cup of coffee, sipping it thoughtfully.

"I thought pregnant women weren't supposed to drink coffee."

She smirked. "It's decaf."

He glanced at his cup and shrugged. "Tastes okay."

"That's because you and Dean drink swill. This is premium roast coffee. It costs a fortune. I love it, well, when I drink coffee. I couldn't drink it with Bobby. With this one, I'm craving it. Go figure."

They sat in silence and he sighed. "There is so damn much I don't know about you and you know everything about me and Dean…"

"Not everything," she stated softly. "But my life's an open book to you, Sam. Any question, no matter what, I'll answer. I swear it."

He thought a moment before he asked, "Do you regret it?"

She bit her lip and looked at the table. "Some days," she whispered. She looked at him and her eyes widened. "Don't think I regret the kids, I don't!"

He nodded emphatically. "I know. I just…your whole life changed because of one answer. I just wondered…"

"I thought about it. I still think about it, what would have happened if I had said 'no' to Gabriel. I can't help but wonder if I had told him 'no' what would have happened? Would I have gone on hunting with Dean? Would it have been me that was with him looking for John instead of him having to go find you? Would all this…everything… Would it have changed a damn thing?"

He sucked in a breath. If she had been hunting with Dean, instead of him, Jess might still be alive. However, everything would have still happened. He had demon blood in him at the time. It wouldn't have mattered. He would still have had to fight off Lucifer. And if it hadn't been for his and Dean's close relationship, he might not have defeated him. "I don't think it would have, Ryan. If you had said 'no' to Gabriel…these kids…this part of Dean, the good parts, wouldn't have been in this world. And, yeah, none of them are strictly human, but they're still a part of him and, truthfully, I'm glad they're here. I'm glad you're here. I…I don't have anyone, Ryan. No one. If Cas hadn't told me to come up here, I don't know…" He shook his head.

She reached across and grasped his hand. "One day at a time, Sam. I'll be here for you. I meant what I said last night. I swear. I'll be here."

He flipped his hand over to grab hers. He traced his index finger up her arm and furrowed a brow as he felt something. He turned her arm over and gasped at the scar that went the length of her arm. "Ryan…?"

She smiled sadly. "I told you I had a rough ass life, Sam. Two suicide attempts." She showed him her other arm, which was decorated the same way. Scars and tattoos. He hadn't noticed them yesterday.

"Did Dean know?"

"Of course. Dean knows everything about me. Well, everything except the kids and Gabriel."

"I'm having a really hard time accepting Gabriel is a little baby."

She let out a snorting laugh. "You think you are? Try being his mother." She was quiet a moment and then grinned. "Of course, it does make perfect sense. No one would look for him. He must have performed one hell of a trick. Everyone in Heaven, Hell, and Earth thinks he's dead. Hope was the only one that knew the truth, and even that, she said she didn't know until recently."

"It is going to be an effort to be nice to him."

She smiled and shook her head. "Nah, it won't."

"He wasn't the dick to you he was to us."

She held up both hands. "I read the transcripts of the things he did to you. I yelled at him for it, too, when he showed back up."

"Thanks."

They sat in companionable silence for a moment and "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum came on and Sam grinned. "I thought you were more like Dean in the music department."

She shook her head. "Nah, I love all music. I even like show tunes. I took my scouts to see an off, off Broadway production of The Lion King and I loved it. I took Hope to see Wicked as well."

His lip curled. "The Wicked Witch is nothing like Elphaba."

She giggled. "Yeah, I figured. Oh well."

The timer on the stove went off. She walked over, turned it off, and pulled cinnamon rolls out of the oven. "You want one?"

"Yes," he was almost drooling, they smelled so good.

She smiled and plated one for him and one for herself. "I shouldn't. I need to watch my sugar, but I can't help it. It's Bobby's birthday, and I need some comfort and I can't drink, so this is the next best thing."

"You have diabetes?"

She shook her head. "No, but I was borderline gestational diabetic with Bobby. I just figured I'd better take it easy this time around."

"When is your next appointment?"

"In a few weeks. I was supposed to find out what he is, but I guess Cas kind of called that one. I figured he was a boy anyway. I just knew. I did with Hope and Bobby, too."

Sam cut into the cinnamon roll and moaned as the smells assaulted his nose. "Wow. This looks terrific. Do you always bake when you're stressed?"

"I usually clean," she muttered with a blush. "But it was too late to run the vacuum cleaner and, well, since Hope heard Metatron…I've been keeping the house pretty damned clean…"

He nodded in understanding as he lifted the fork to his mouth. "Holy shit," he said around the bite of sugary heaven. "Fuck, this is delicious."

She giggled and handed him a napkin. "I'm glad you like it."

He swallowed and wiped his mouth. "Sorry. I guess my manners have gone out the window lately."

She shrugged. "I get it."

He glanced around the room. "You've got a really nice place here, Ryan."

She sighed. "Thanks. Too bad I'm going to have to move…"

"Move? Why?"

"I can't stay here, Sam. I've set my cover so deep. Everyone knows I can't have kids. I wasn't expecting Dean to waltz in here and just…" She squeezed her eyes shut and wrinkled her nose. She sighed again and looked at him. "I have to move, I just don't know where yet. Jody…she thinks we can just…I can't, Sam. I've got to protect this little guy, now, more than ever. And if anyone, _anyone _put two and two together and figured out he was Dean's…if they thought he was part demon…I can't take that chance."

"I get it." He did, too. He understood her need to keep the kids safe. "Where will you go?"

She shrugged. "I honestly have no idea. I've lived all over the U.S. Hope's lived in a lot of different states. She loved Arizona the best, so I guess we could go back there, though, I don't know what I'd say to Tory or Andy."

"Tory…Andy…?"

"Hunter friends of mine. Two awesome ladies, truly. We aren't as close as we once were, but…" she shook her head. "I've lied to them, too, so I don't know…"

"What if you moved to Kansas?" he asked suddenly as the idea formed in his head.

"Huh?"

"Move, to Lebanon. To the bunker. Where better to train the kids and teach them all about themselves than at the Men of Letters Bunker?"

"Sam, we can't live in the bunker. I mean, Bobby's like fucking Spiderman, climbing on everything that will stand still, and this guy…" she rubbed her belly gently. "I don't know yet what he'll do, but…"

"No. Buy a house, or rent one, near the bunker. Once you do that, then you can learn, too. I can tell you love learning about the supernatural and I've got the biggest damn library in the world at my fingertips. These kids, human or no, are legacies, just like Dean and I are. Let them study there…"

"Sam…"

"Please, Ryan? Say yes? Say you'll move down there. Don't…" he hated himself for how weak he sounded as he pled softly, "Please, don't let me be alone."

She sucked in a breath and grabbed both his hands. "Of course, Sam. You know I will. And…" she bit her lip. "And you move in with us."

"What?"

"It makes sense. We'll get a big ass house. You live with us. Be a positive male role model for these kids. Help me show them how to be normal human beings. Help me show them how to hunt, how to be Winchesters. How to love your family and stay true to it. Be there, with me, with them."

Their eyes met and he smiled. He felt like he'd just been handed a chance at something, something almost normal. He grabbed for it like a man sinking. "Okay. Let's…let's do it."

She smiled brilliantly. "Okay. Now that that's decided, let's start our day."

He eyed her warily. "What are we doing today?"

"We're going to have fun. Welcome to the family, Sam. I hope you know what you're in for."

It sounded ominous, but it definitely sounded like something he wanted in on.

Three hours later, Ryan called out, "Winchesters! Assemble!"

Sam's eyebrow rose. He was in a new pair of swimming trunks, a tee shirt, and flip flops Ryan had went out and bought him. He was…apprehensive. This wasn't his usual idea of fun.

Ryan smiled as she caught his look. "Chill out, chicken legs. You'll have a good time, I promise."

"Chicken…hey!" he cried indignantly.

She giggled as Hope came tromping down the stairs and Bobby came running in from the living room. "Everybody got everything? Bob? You got Blue?"

He held up his blue monkey.

"Hope, you got sunscreen?"

Hope held up her bag.

Ryan nodded. "Okay. Everybody to the car."

"We's take Demon, Mommy?" Bobby asked.

She grinned. "Naturally."

"Yay!" he shouted as he ran out the door.

"Demon?" Sam questioned.

She blushed. "The Falcon. I, uh, I forgot, you didn't know her name."

His eyebrow shot up again. "You've got a skewed sense of humor, Ryan."

At that, she snorted. "Tell me something I don't know." They all loaded in the car, the kids scrambling over the seats, and once Hope had Bobby buckled into his car seat, Ryan tore out of the driveway.

"Tunes, Mom!" Hope shouted excitedly over the wind of the open windows.

Ryan smiled and slipped the cassette converter into the tape deck and turned on her iPod.

"Dean would shit a brick," Sam commented before he could stop himself. The pain was sharp, like a knife sticking in his gut.

Ryan's eyebrow shot up as he felt sure she tried to play it off as well. "I, unlike your brother, can't listen to the same five cassettes for twenty years. I like variety. Sometimes I'm in the mood for something other than classic rock. Sue me. I didn't put in a douchy iPod dock, thankyouverymuch, I just…have this for when I want something different. Besides, my iPod has a ton of music on it."

"Mom's got like, a million songs on there!"

Ryan chuckled. "Try six thousand, Hope. That's a little more accurate."

"Can we…?"

Ryan rolled her eyes and scrolled through her songs until she found whatever she was looking for and punched the button. "I'm sorry, Sam," Ryan murmured before the song started.

Sam's brow furrowed. "What song is this?"

"It's 'Problem' by Ariana Grande, and it's a total ear worm. You'll get it stuck in your head and get addicted to it."

"Mama loves it now!"

"It's your fault!" Ryan shot back.

Hope stuck her tongue out at her mom and sat back as the singer started.

Sam grinned as both girls started singing. He glanced back at Bobby, who was ignoring both of them, playing on some kind of tablet, swiping at something on the screen.

By the time the song went off, Sam had to admit, he had it stuck in his head. "Can we listen to it again?" Hope asked softly.

Ryan's eyes slid to Sam, who nodded. This time, he managed to sing along once or twice to the guy's parts, and by the third time they listened, he was singing as loud as the girls. He laughed when it went off and Ryan was all smiles as she turned it to something different. "My turn," she told her daughter, who shrugged and sat back with a book.

"Thought she didn't like to read," Sam commented.

Ryan shrugged. "She doesn't. But she's getting more interested in it, at the very least. I got her into the Bunnicula books and she likes those." Ryan grinned. "She likes scary stories."

"I can't begin to imagine why."

"I always did, well, before, anyway."

"I remember. Didn't you have all the Goosebumps books when you were a kid?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I had also gotten into Edgar Allen Poe. I still love him."

"I like 'The Raven'."

"Most people do, but my favorite is 'Masque of the Red Death'. I love that story."

"That is a good one."

They were silent for a moment as her iPod played and he once more grinned at her obviously odd sense of musical taste. She went from that pop song to Stone Temple Pilots to Backstreet Boys to Aerosmith. But when the country song came on, he laughed. "You really do like just about everything, don't you?"

She laughed throatily as Hope sang along to the country song. "I've got multiple personalities. Didn't you get the memo? I'm not mentally stable."

He smiled. "You seem stable enough to me."

"Why, Sam, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me," she commented as she batted her eyelashes at him, thickening her slightly southern accent so her words dripped honey.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "You're a comedienne."

She nodded. "You know it." She turned off the highway onto a small road. "Won't be much longer now, kids."

"Yay!" they both shouted.

"I still can't believe we are going to a lake to do like, normal Fourth of July stuff."

"Haven't you ever done anything fun, Sam?"

He thought a moment and nodded. "Of course I have. We did have fun, occasionally. But recently the fun just got less and less." He felt himself spiraling back down into that pit of darkness.

She reached over and clasped his hand. "It's okay, Sam. Some days, hell, some _moments_, are going to be harder than others."

He sucked in a breath. "Yeah, I know. You're right."

She squeezed his hand and let it go as she placed her own back on the steering wheel. "Just focus on one moment at a time, Sam. Rebuild happy memories. Remember the old ones. Make new ones."

He just nodded. He would do that very thing. Somehow.

Hours later, Sam felt happiness, like he hadn't felt in forever. They were all enjoying the warmth of the sun. He was lying on the floating dock, his arms under his head as Bobby swam around in the shallows in a float with water wings on his arms. He was splashing around with a handful of toy boats.

"Mama!" Hope called from farther out in the lake. "Come on!"

Ryan sighed from where she was sitting next to Sam with her feet in the water. "Do you mind not letting my son drown so I can go out in the deep water with Hope for a few minutes?"

He took off his new sunglasses and looked at the woman. "Sure. Go ahead."

She stood and slid her shorts down her long legs and slid her tee-shirt over her head. He couldn't help it as his eyes grew wide. She was beautiful. He wasn't why he hadn't really noticed it before. Sure, he'd seen she was pretty, but he hadn't realized… She was in a simple one-piece bathing suit and he could see her softly swelling stomach. No one would really suspect she was pregnant, not even seeing her in the swim suit.

"Thanks. I'll be back in a few." He watched her run down the length of the dock and take a leaping dive into the water. He blinked. Clearly, she was an excellent swimmer as well. He smirked. Just one more thing Dean would have loved about her. Dean loved to swim, he always had, even when they were little, even when their father had told them to stay inside the motel rooms when they were small. Dean had always defied the order so they could go swimming in the motel pools. Dean's theory had always been if they learned how to swim, they could save more people. And they had. Sam could count at least twice they had managed to save someone's life because they knew how to swim.

He heard splashing and turned back to Bobby, but noticed Annie had gotten in the water with him and he smiled as Jody came and sat next to him. "Want one?" she asked as she handed him a beer.

"Thanks."

They were both silent a moment as he glanced out at the two heads bobbing farther out in the lake.

"You okay, Sam?"

He looked at the lady sheriff. He wasn't one for opening up and talking about his feelings. Maybe once upon a time, but not anymore. So it surprised him when he opened his mouth and the word "No," tumbled out.

She looked almost as surprised as he felt. "I'm glad you didn't bother lying to me."

He sighed. It was out there now, might as well just go with it. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Jody. This…" he held his arm out in a sweeping gesture, "This isn't me."

She sipped her beer thoughtfully. "It seems to me as though this is a make-or-break moment, Sam. No one said life was easy, and you and Dean have both had one hell of a hard life. Maybe, for once, life is handing you a break."

"But Dean didn't get one. He hasn't gotten any breaks."

"Maybe not. But maybe this is what he is supposed to be doing now. For now, at least," she mused.

He blew out a haggard breath. "I don't want him doing this."

"Sometimes it isn't up to us. Surely you can understand that."

He thought about the trials last year. Dean hadn't wanted him doing that, and yet, Sam had stuck with it. For a long time, at least. He was still angry he had backed away. One moment of weakness, looking at his brother's face had done it, and he'd backed off. He hated it, now, more than ever. If he had just went through with it, Hell would have been boarded up. Dean might have even wound up with Ryan anyway, raising his kids. That thought made him more than a little sad. But, he didn't want to tell Jody any of that, so he simply said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

He watched as the two heads both went under and started swimming back toward the dock. They both popped up and started swimming above water. "They're both good swimmers."

"Ryan was on the swim team before…before everything, she told me. Hope is on the swim team here, also. She's not much of a morning person, though. Neither of them is. Usually, I go pick her up and take her to the pool when it's swimming season."

"You've been good for Ryan. Looks like she's had a hard life, too."

"More than you know, Sam. Hell, more than I know, too. She doesn't talk about the hardships, but all of this has been hard. She's alone. She's been alone. Since she was eleven, basically. Hope has been her constant for the past eleven years, but she's still alone. I think she needs someone really close, someone to break through all her walls." She glanced at Sam. "I think maybe you need that, too."

He saw the two dip back underwater and flip. He smiled a genuine smile. "Yeah, I think maybe you're right, Jody."

It was closing in on eleven o'clock that night by the time they got back on the road. He glanced over at Ryan, who yawned discreetly. "Do you want me to drive?"

"No one drives my baby but me," she stated. He gasped. She didn't even realize the comment she made reminded him of Dean. "Sorry, Sam," she continued. "Maybe one day. Besides, you're still half wiped from everything and then today was a long day for you."

He remained quiet as her iPod switched from the Maroon 5 song to an old country song. She punched a button and said, "Can't do it, Conway. This song is too old and too slow." Another song came on and she grinned. "Sam! You've got to know this song!"

His brow furrowed as he tried to remember it. He wasn't quite as into music as his brother and Ryan obviously were.

"Come on! 'She's Got the Look' by Roxette! It's awesome!" She started singing at the top of her lungs and he grinned as she began drumming on the steering wheel as well and he couldn't help his head bobbing as he remembered the song. Yeah, he'd heard it before. His foot started tapping and he sang along quietly under his breath. "Come on, Sam, if you know it, you sing it loud and proud when you're with me!"

He chuckled and belted out the song with her through to the end.

She giggled as the song changed and she smiled softly. His brows furrowed as he listened and he said, "Seriously, Ryan?"

She sent him a sour look. "Can it, Winchester."

"Yeah, but…really?"

"I'm a _girl_, Sam. I love Dirty Dancing."

"Yeah, but…seriously?"

"It's Patrick Freaking Swayze, Sam. I love the movie and I love this song. Don't judge me. The man can do no wrong in my eyes. Swayze always gets a pass!"

He winced as he recalled Dean once saying the same damn thing. He sighed and held up both hands as he caught her smiling and singing softly. "Fine. I give up."

They were both quiet for a while after that. The two kids had fallen asleep in the backseat and Ryan smiled again as she looked in her rearview mirror at them. "I fucking love those kids," she commented.

"They're terrific, Ryan. You've done a hell of a job with them."

She blew out a breath. "I just hope I can keep it up. Knowing they're not human…"

"You'll do great," he told her. "I have faith in you."

She chuckled flatly. "I don't know what to do with that, Sam. No one's ever had faith in me before."

He shrugged. "Guess there's a first time for everything."

"So it would seem…"

Sam propped his head back on the car seat when a familiar song came on and he heard her humming the intro quietly. He couldn't help the smile as he thought of his dad, and also of Dean, doing the same thing. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and saw her head bobbing and her thumbs drumming out the beat, trying to remain quiet now that everyone was asleep.

"You like 'Smoke on the Water'?" he asked.

She nodded with a grin. "I used to hum it to Hope. She was terribly colic-y which was funny since I was breast feeding. All the books said she wouldn't be if you breastfed, and I was so paranoid about doing everything right…but every night, just like clockwork, she would get gassy around five o'clock in the evening. I would go sit out on the porch in the dying sunlight, no matter how cold it was, and sometimes it was damn cold and we'd both be bundled up, but I'd hold her, pressing her tummy to relieve the pain and hum 'Smoke on the Water' to her. It worked like a charm."

"That was one that always worked on me, too," he mused. "I remember Dad, and then, when Dad was on a job, Dean would hum it to me. I always conked right out."

She smiled gently. "Now, Bobby? He refused to be calmed down by anything except Metallica. 'Enter Sandman' was usually my go-to. I've actually found a little known band online that does acoustic covers of Metallica songs. I bought him a CD for his room. Usually, he listens to it to sleep unless he's just exhausted and dozes right off, which is rare."

Sam blinked, then grinned. He shook his head as he laughed. "Are they that much like him?" he asked softly.

She paused only a moment before she nodded. "So much so it physically hurts sometimes to be around them."

"I just…I can't believe it."

"It's almost as if they need to be like him for some reason. I don't know…it was almost creepy with Hope, but with Bobby, I'm more used to it."

"Bet it will piss off Gabriel when he realizes how much he acts like him."

She shook her head. "I don't think you knew Gabriel very well, Sam. He lived with me, _in _me for a long time. Granted, he didn't take control of me, well, except once or twice when I shut down completely, but rarely. He and I had quite a few talks. It was…nice."

"Must be nice," he mused as his anger built. "At least you were given an option!"

Her brows knit. "What are you talking about?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. "Look, I respect your privacy, okay? But seriously, I'm not going to put up with you being all sullen and quiet. You have shit to straighten out in your head? Good. Fine. So do I. But I won't be your emotional punching bag and I won't take shit from you, Sam. I've lived my whole life without a man in it. I don't need you. Remember that, will you?"

He sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry."

She glared at the road a few moments before she shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't…you've got a lot of shit you're going through. I'm emotional. The pregnancy hormones are a bitch and a half."

At that, he grinned. "You know, I've never been around a pregnant woman before."

She chuckled flatly. "It's a thrill a minute." She was quiet for a moment before she sighed. "It looks like you aren't getting me at my best, either. I've been so much more emotional with this one. I don't know if it's because of Dean or if it's something else, but I just…I can't regulate it. I go from so damn happy I could just scream, to so depressed, I want to scream."

"Sounds like you need to just scream," he commented.

She smiled at that. "You know, I read a study somewhere that said if you just would scream every once in a while, it's supposed to be good for you emotionally."

"Maybe we both need to do that."

"Maybe," she mused. He saw her glance into the backseat. "But, uh, let's not do it right now, okay?"

He laughed. "Okay. We'll save the screaming for later."

She flipped on her blinker to turn into her driveway. "Well, hell, Sam. You've never lived with me, I've never lived with you. I feel sure we'll do our fair share of screaming anyway."

He glanced at her a moment. She was an enigma, but she was passionate. That passion? Yeah, he would bet money they would find quite a bit to scream about. After all, Winchesters were arguers. He had no doubts their soul mates would be as well.

The next morning, Sam stepped into the kitchen to find Ryan sitting at the kitchen table, wearing sweatpants, a thick sweater, and socks, sipping a steaming cup of something, surrounded by newspapers, cookbooks, coupons, her iPad, and a note pad. His eyebrow rose as he looked at her. She glanced up and smiled as he moved to the coffee maker. "Good morning," he stated on a yawn.

"Good morning, Sam. Did you sleep better?"

He thought a moment. Surprisingly, he had. "Yeah, I did."

She grinned. "Good."

He sat down across from her, moving the newspaper slightly and gestured to the full tabletop. "What are you doing?"

"I coupon," she stated simply. At his no doubt bewildered expression, she added, "I shop the sales, stockpile dried goods and toiletries, and I make my weekly menus based on what's on sale for the week."

"Is money that tight?" he wanted to know.

She shook her head, her ponytail swishing from the movement. "No, but I've saved a lot of money by couponing. Don't judge."

He held up both hands and smiled. "Judgment free zone, Ryan. You know that."

She put her pen in her mouth and typed something on her tablet before she took the pen and wrote down something. He sat, observing her a few moments when she shivered. "You okay, Ryan?"

She nodded. "With each pregnancy I have trouble regulating my temperature. Today, I'm freezing cold, even though I know it's warm in here. I'm keeping the temperature the same for you guys and I'm just bundling up."

He reached across to grasp her hand. It was like ice. "You sure you don't want to turn the heater on or at the very least, turn the air down?"

She shook her head. "No. Hope and Bobby are both hot natured. I'll be fine. I've got my Earl Gray and my sweater and two pairs of socks. I'm good."

He eyed her. "Whatever you say."

She smiled as she stuck her pen back between her lips and looked over her list with narrowed eyes. She took the pen out again and held it like one would a cigarette. "So, Sam, what do you like to eat?"

He sipped his coffee and shrugged. "I'm easy to please, Ryan. Whatever you fix, I'll eat."

She nodded and wrote a few more things on her list. "Okay. I'm ready." She glanced at him. "Say…how comfortable are you staying here by yourself?"

"I'm okay with it if you are. I mean, It's not like I brought a car to drive. If you're comfortable enough leaving me here in your house alone…"

She giggled. "No, Sam, I mean, how comfortable are you with me leaving the kids here with you while _I _go to the grocery store?"

His eyes grew wider. "Oh. You mean…"

She nodded.

"Oh, well, I mean, sure. Shouldn't be a problem. They should sleep in a while, like they did yesterday, right?"

"Theoretically."

_Can you do this, Winchester? _he wondered, but he nodded. "Sure. I can handle it."

"Alright, if you're sure. If not, I'll wait until the kids wake up, take them with me…"

"No, go ahead. It's not like you ever get any time to yourself, right?"

She smiled sadly. "Too true. Okay, well, I'll go grab some shoes and take off. I shouldn't be gone more than an hour, hour and a half, tops."

He took another sip of his coffee, trying to play cool while on the inside he was freaking out. "Sure. Take your time."

Her eyebrow rose as she looked at him, but she bent to kiss his forehead. "Thanks, Sam. I'll be back soon."

He watched her go and blew out a breath. This would be easy, right?"

Twenty minutes later, he heard Hope come down the stairs. "Mom, Bobby's up…" she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Sam sitting at the kitchen table, eating a leftover cinnamon roll and reading the newspaper with his third cup of coffee. "Mornin' Uncle Sammy!" she enthused as she came over and gave him a one-armed hug.

He hugged her back. "Hey, kid. Sleep good?"

She nodded. "I noticed the expedition was gone. Where did Mom go?"

"The grocery store. Said she'd be back in a little bit."

"Oh-okay…can you get Bobby up and dressed for the day?"

"Sure," he stated, not feeling one bit confident. He had almost zero experience with babies, much less ones that were toddling around like Bobby was.

She just looked at him. "Sure about that?"

He shot her a look. "Shut it, angel-face."

She giggled. "That's what Mom calls me, 'angel-face'."

He ruffled her bedhead. "Well, it's true, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "I guess."

He stood. "Go ahead and fix your breakfast. You know how, right?"

She glared at him. "I'm not only a couple of millennia old, Sam, but I'm also a ten and a half year old girl. Of course I know how to make my own breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day."

He held in a chuckle. "Alright then. Guess I'll go get Bobby up." He walked up the stairs and heard the little boy singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' at the top of his lungs. Sam smiled and knocked on the door.

He heard, "Oh! Mommy! Come in!"

Sam opened the door slightly. "Hey, bud. It's Uncle Sam."

"Sam!" the little boy shouted and threw himself into Sam's arms.

Sam picked him up and hugged him. He might not know what the hell he was doing with kids, but this level of love and affection almost made it seem as if Dean was with him. Bobby, and Hope, too, hugged just as hard and just as long as Dean did and Sam felt the tears wet his face.

Bobby's head popped up and he touched the tears on Sam's face. "What's wong, Unca Sam?"

Sam sniffled and laughed. "Nothing, buddy. You need a diaper?"

The boy didn't answer except to put his thumb in his mouth, so Sam took him over to the changing table and sat him down. Apparently he still wasn't toilet trained. He'd seen Ryan changing the boy yesterday. "Okay, let's get your stuff…" He looked in the drawer and found a diaper then he eyed the boy. "This shouldn't be that hard, right?" He tried to remember if Ryan said anything specific to Bobby when she was changing him, but he wasn't paying much attention. He removed the little boy's pants, then unfastened his diaper. "Okay, Winchester. You can do this," he muttered to himself.

Bobby giggled and lifted his legs, obviously to give Sam a hand. Sam slipped the new diaper under the baby's butt and Bobby laughed again as his little…part got hard and he peed in a huge arc that sprayed all over him, Sam, and the changing table. "Shit!" Sam yelled.

"Shit! Shit!" Bobby began yelling.

"No! No, Bobby, don't say that…"

But Bobby was having too much fun with his new word and kept repeating it. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Sam closed his eyes a moment before he sighed. "Hope!" he yelled. "Come help me!" He picked up the boy, stripped him out of his shirt, and carried him to the bathroom across the hall.

He saw Hope stop at the top of the steps. "Yes?"

"He peed everywhere. Why isn't he potty trained yet?"

Just then, Bobby called out, "Shit!" and Hope covered her mouth with both hands as she dissolved into a puddle of giggles.

Sam shot her a look. "Ha, ha. Can you go get me some towels or something? We're both soaked in pee."

Hope could barely catch her breath as she nodded and walked into the bathroom. Sam followed her and watched as she put the plug in the tub and started the water. She got out towels from the cabinet and chortled. "His baby wash is right there. Luckily, his ear tubes came out already so you don't have to be careful about getting water in his ears. I'll go clean up the pee in his room for you."

"You're a lifesaver, Hope. Thank you," he murmured as he plopped the boy into the now warm and filling tub.

She smiled. "Hey, I'll give you a handicap. But just know, I don't usually do this kind of thing, okay?" She paused and rolled her eyes. "You know, there is a reason we call him 'Loki' and it has nothing to do with the fact he's Gabriel," and with that, she bounced out of the room.

He glanced down at the boy and sighed as he pulled his piss-soaked shirt off and dropped it onto the floor. "Okay, Loki. I guess a bath is in order."

He bathed the little guy and wrapped him in one of the big, fluffy towels Hope had laid out. He had just finished getting the kid dressed when he heard, "Sam?"

"Coming!" he shouted as he snatched Bobby off the table and ran down the steps, almost skidding into Ryan at the front door.

Both her eyebrows shot up. "What are you doing with my son?"

He glanced down at the fact he was still shirtless and blushed. "It…he peed, like, everywhere, and so, he needed a bath, and he got pee on me, so I took my shirt off and bathed him, and did you know his pecker got hard? Is that even _normal _or is that Gabriel dicking around with me? Because, I honestly don't know. And, sorry, but I might have taught him a new curse word, and…" he stopped when she just continued to stare at him. "I'm a sucky uncle, huh?"

She bit her lip, sat down the grocery bags in her hands onto the floor, and held out her hands for Bobby. He willingly went to her and she hugged him. "Bobby, are you giving Uncle Sam a hard time?"

The boy just smiled.

She rolled her eyes. "Go into the kitchen. Hopey will get you some milk."

"Milk, and chocolates!"

"Chocolate milk. Okay." She watched him run down the hall and turned her attention to Sam.

"I'll go get my stuff and leave…"

Her lip quirked. "Sam, you're not going to get it right the first time. He's bathed and dressed. That's a lot for a Saturday morning. It's fine. He's fine. You just threw me off. I mean, you're like, half naked here and I'm not used to seeing a lot of half naked men in my house, you know?" She licked her lips nervously. "So…uh…it's fine. No harm, no foul. He is a boy. Little boys…parts tend to get hard right before they pee or if they're exposed to temperature change. It's natural and normal, so it's not Gabriel screwing with your head. Honestly, I don't think he has any idea he even _is _Gabriel."

"Hope said you call him 'Loki'."

She nodded. "We do, occasionally, yes."

"Gabriel's going to be pissed when he realizes Tom Hiddleston stole all his fangirls."

She laughed out loud. "Yeah, I imagine he will be. Man, all it took was him 'dying' to get some of his street cred back. I bet women would be throwing themselves at him to worship him."

Sam let out a laugh. "I doubt it."

She smiled. "So…what word did you teach him?"

Just then, they heard a thump and Bobby shout, "SHIT!"

Sam winced and Ryan giggled. "Well, at least he's using it in the correct way."

"I'm sorry, Ryan, I…"

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. I say worse than that on a daily basis, usually, though, I say it under my breath. You might want to try that."

He nodded emphatically. "Okay."

She smiled again. "Go on, get a clean shirt. I'll finish bringing in the groceries."

She bent to pick up the bags from the floor and Sam said, "Ryan, thanks, for everything. For giving me this chance, for just…you're kind of picking up the pieces of my life, you know?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I know. And, hey, you're filling in the missing pieces of mine. So, I'd say we were even."

**August Tenth**

* * *

**Ryan POV**

It should have surprised her, how easily she and Sam slipped into their roles as partners, but, surprisingly, they just clicked right off the bat. She washed his clothes, he washed the car. She cooked, he cleaned up the dishes. Their dance became synchronized without them even realizing it or really trying on either of their parts. It was almost as if they belonged together in this life without Dean. He was the glue that somehow held them together. Or rather, his absence was, in any case. Which brought them to this point in their lives.

Ryan turned and looked at her house one last time. Surprisingly, it had taken no time at all for her to sell her house here in South Dakota. She and Sam had taken a road trip two weeks before and she'd found a great house not five miles from the bunker they could live in. It was big, bigger than this one, with five bedrooms upstairs and a full basement downstairs. When Sam had questioned why she chose to buy one so big, her brows had furrowed and she'd told him she wasn't sure why, just that she needed to. He didn't question it one bit and neither did she.

"Everybody ready?" Jody asked as she pushed off from her cruiser. She and Ann had come to say goodbye.

Ryan bit her lip as tears cascaded down her face. "Yeah, we're ready."

Jody wrapped her in a hug. "I'm going to miss you, girl," Jody whispered in her ear.

"This isn't goodbye, damn it."

Jody smiled. "Of course not. You're only a few hours south of here. We'll see each other a lot."

"And you'll go hunting with me again, won't you? After little dude is born and I'm ready?"

Jody nodded. "Of course I will." Jody turned to Hope, who had tears streaming down her face. "I'm going to miss you, kiddo."

"Me too, Aunt Jody," Hope whispered as she grabbed Jody in a hug.

"You look after your mom and uncle and brothers, okay?"

"You know it."

Sam gave Jody a hug and then she snatched Bobby up for a big hug as well. Ryan was failing miserably at keeping it together as the moving truck pulled out with all their stuff. It felt right, moving to Kansas, but at the same time, she had really thought she'd found a home here, with Jody, with the diner. Everything had gotten turned on its head. She watched Sam buckle Bobby into his car seat and she sighed. This was her new normal. She would have to adjust. But a small part of her, a tiny part, was slightly resentful. It was the wrong Winchester she was moving in with, even if it was strictly in a platonic way. She couldn't help but feel somehow, something had gone wrong, like…It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

Sam looked over at her and smiled. "Ready, Ryan?"

She shook her head, forcing those thoughts from her mind. She couldn't change the past and she couldn't predict the future. All she could do was go with it. "Yeah. Let's do this."

She climbed up on the running board, surveying the house one last time before she slid behind the wheel. She had Demon loaded in the car hauler behind her, same as before. She took a deep breath, put the SUV in "Drive" and pulled out of the driveway toward their new life.

When they arrived at the new house, she unlocked the doors and the moving men quickly got to work so by the time evening rolled around, they were settling in to delivery pizza amid boxes and crates.

Later, after she got Hope and Bobby situated in bed, she walked down the hall to Sam's room. Her room faced the back of the house, his, the front, with the kids sandwiched between them. "Knock, knock, neighbor," she said from the door.

He turned and looked at her in surprise. She had bought him a bedroom suite in a dark mahogany, big, strong wood that for some reason reminded her of him. It was masculine but beautiful. "Hey."

She smiled as she watched him carefully pull clothes from his duffle bag and put its meager contents into the new chest of drawers. "We'll go over to The Bunker tomorrow and bring over the rest of your things."

He sighed and sat on his bed. Her brows knit as she walked over and joined him. "Sam?"

"I…is this real, Ryan?"

"What?"

He shook his head. "I've never had a home, and every time I've tried, something bad has happened." He turned and looked at her. "I don't want to be what happens bad to you, Ryan."

She reached out and grabbed both of his large hands in her small ones. "Nothing's going to happen to me, Sam. We're both going into this with eyes wide open. Trust me, I'm here for a reason. I've had plenty of reasons to die, but it hasn't stuck. I think I'll be okay."

"But what if you're not?"

She thought a moment. "Well, maybe I'm not supposed to."

"I can't lose someone else, anyone else, Ryan. I can't…" His voice was soft as he said, "I can't lose someone else I love. Maybe that's why I'm so scared."

She gave him a little half smile. "Do you think it's easy on me, Sam? I look at you and all I see is him. It's not easy. Nothing's easy. But we'll manage. We'll make the best of it. Open your heart, Sam. Let me and the kids in. I promise, I'll be there for you."

"Everyone promises me that and they never are."

She hesitated, only for a moment, before she placed her hand on his face. "Sam, I can't give you a romantic relationship, but I can…I can help fill the void he left. I'm _not _your sibling, I'll never take his place. I wouldn't want to. But I'll be there, in that capacity for you. I swear it."

He pulled her to him for a hug. "Thank you," he whispered.

She hugged him with everything she had to give. "Thank you, too." She pulled away and smiled. "You get to bed. We've got a lot to do over the next few days." She stood, but he didn't let go of her hand. She looked down her arm to his face. "Sam?"

"You really think we can do this? We can really find some semblance of normal, Ryan?"

She shrugged. "We won't know until we try, Sam. We've got to put ourselves out there, right?"

"Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Put yourself out there?"

She had the feeling she knew what he was talking about. She sighed and sank back onto the bed. "He's my soul mate, Sam. I'm not going to find that."

"You don't need to be a soul mate to love someone, Ryan."

She was quiet a moment before she looked at him. His eyes were so pretty, they were the same shade hazel green/blue Bobby's were turning. "I can't, Sam."

"Why?"

"You don't get messed up like I did and…"

"Ryan, not to be blunt or unfeeling or insensitive or whatever, but women are raped every day and they get over it."

Her eyes narrowed as she stood and stormed to the door. "Is that what you think? We never _get over it_, Sam. We just move past it. And, yeah, I'm sure if I tried, I probably could. But guess what? I don't want to." She sucked in a breath. "Those monsters…what they did to me? It made me who I am, for better or worse. I accept that, I accepted it again when Jody and I drove his ass back to hell not long ago."

"Ryan…"

"I'm not finished!" She took another breath and sighed. "Look, I know I could move past this if I really wanted to. But I can't. Dean is who I love. Period."

"He's a _demon, _Ryan! The same damn thing that almost destroyed you!"

She felt it like a slap to the face. "I'm not deaf or dumb, Sam, I fucking _know _that! But it doesn't change anything!"

"He'll never be with you again, Ryan. Can't you just…"

She bit the inside of her lip so hard she tasted blood. Her heart was aching, but she had to make Sam see. She had to make him understand. "I can't and I won't. Accept it, don't accept it, I don't give a shit. I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else, Sam. Let's set the record straight. You aren't my husband, and you aren't my boyfriend. You never will be. I will accept your comments and suggestions because I want a sibling relationship with you. But that does _not _mean I will do every damn thing you tell me to. I'm my own person, Sam, and I'm a hunter and I'm a mother and I'm a woman and I'm damn good at all three. So fuck you and what you think." And with that, she stormed down the hall to her own room and only the fact the kids were asleep prevented her from slamming the door.

She stormed about the room, changing clothes, brushing her teeth, then finally, it was if the dam broke again. She had carefully reconstructed the damn thing, but now, it was all crumbling around her and she fell onto her bed, sobbing.

She cried herself to sleep, and when she woke, it was morning. She got up, showered, got dressed, and when she opened her bedroom door, the sounds and smells of breakfast greeted her.

She slowly crept down the stairs to find Sam and both the kids eating takeout breakfast at the kitchen table. When Sam saw her at the door, he stood so fast, he knocked his chair over. "Ryan…"

She smiled softly. "Sam."

"I'm sorry. I spent the whole night thinking and I'm a douche. I just…"

She held up a hand. "Sam, we're both so damaged. Neither of us are normal. We aren't moving into a normal relationship here, either. So, we're going to get it wrong. But we've got to keep trying, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I guess so."

She pursed her lips. "Alright, then, water under the bridge, right?"

"Okay. I went and got breakfast…"

She looked at Bobby, who was ripping through eggs and pancakes. "So I see."

"I brought you back a chicken biscuit. Mayo on the side, right?"

She smiled. "You're learning, Winchester." He shrugged bashfully. She grabbed his arm. "Sam, thanks."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not a nice person, Sam. Occasionally I say stuff I shouldn't. I'm sorry, too."

"I think you're nice, Ryan. Like you said, we're both damaged."

She grinned. "Well, let's get out the superglue. Maybe we can manage to patch each other up, yeah?"

They sat and ate as they talked about their plans for the day. A trip to The Bunker was in order, as well as grocery shopping and unpacking. "Plus," Ryan added, "We need to get Hope enrolled in school this week."

Hope's nose curled. "Ugh. Do we have to?"

Ryan nodded. "You're still a young girl, Hope. I know some of your memories are resurfacing, but I'm pretty sure they don't extend to basic math and spelling."

"Ugh. Spelling is the worst."

"Hey," Sam began, "Look, work on English, then you can work on Latin, Greek, Spanish…whatever."

"I know Greek," Ryan spoke up.

Sam looked at her and blinked. "What?"

"I learned Greek."

"You're kidding."

She shook her head. "No. Why?"

He laughed. "Because, I've been looking for someone who could read Greek forever and you've been right under my nose."

She smiled. "I have a thing for languages. I know Spanish, Greek, Latin, plus I picked up a little French down in Louisiana a while back…"

"Color me impressed."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm surprised you don't know more languages, Sam."

"Well, I've been a little busy…"

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." She glanced at the kids. Hope had finished eating and was playing a game on her iPad and Bobby was a sticky mess. "Come on, let's get ready, then we'll head over to The Bunker."

She handed Sam the keys to the Expedition and said, "Lead the way, Sam."

He took the keys and they quickly drove to the bunker. They stopped and he looked out the window. "I should have taken you here while we were down here house hunting."

She shook her head. She understood why he was having a hard time going back there. She would have too, in his situation. "We don't have to go today if you don't feel like it, Sam."

He sucked in a breath. "No, I need to do this. It's okay. I'll take you. Just…It's weird, you know?"

She put a hand on his arm and he put his hand over hers for a moment before he turned and got out. Ryan's mouth was dry as she looked at the door. She had read about The Bunker in The Gospels, but it hadn't given her much information. Now, though, she was almost trembling with excitement. Sam unlocked the door and walked in. "Okay, it's…"

"Awesome!" Hope shouted as she ran past him and down the steps.

Ryan smiled and followed her after making sure Sam had Bobby securely in his arms as he descended the steps. "Sam…this is amazing."

He glanced around and nodded. "Yeah, it kind of is."

"Mom! It's like we're in the Batcave!" Hope gushed.

Ryan noticed Sam wince. "What?"

"He said the same thing. He said 'I think we found the Batcave'."

She put a hand on his arm again before she walked over to where Hope was lightly running her fingers over some of the books. "I might enjoy reading some of these!" Hope enthused. She picked up a book on werewolf lore and went to sit at the table with it.

Ryan smiled. "Well, if that's all it took for you to get interested in reading, I would have come down here and beat on the door until they opened up." She turned to Sam, who had put Bobby down on the floor and was still holding his hand. "Sam? You okay?"

He blinked and smiled. "Yeah. I just…it feels right, you know? They're supposed to be here."

Ryan shrugged. "They're legacies, too, you know."

"So they are."

She sighed. "So, do you feel up to taking us on the tour?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

* * *

**An2: Here we go! And we're off...moving on to new adventures. We've got QUITE a few chapters before we get back to demon!Dean, so I hope you sit back and enjoy the saga! Don't worry, we DO get back to him, I promise! I have the whole story outlined and though I'm still writing it, I won't abandon it until it is finished!**

**NOW for my thoughts on magic episode number 200! Two words. HOLY SHIT. It was epic! When they said 200th EPICsode, they weren't kidding! I loved everything about it. There was not one thing I didn't like. Would I love to have seen Castiel as Dean tried to explain Destiel to him? YES. Do I wish Crowley had shown up and made an ass of himself because he misses his bestie? OF COURSE. But all in all, it was PERFECTION! I wish we would have had a bro-hug, but everything else was so damn perfect, they really didn't have room for a hug. And the Samulet hanging from Baby's rearview mirror? Gah. I cried. Not gonna lie. This show is so epic, I just...I'm like Calliope. I can't even. LOL**

**Until next time, my lovelies! **


	19. We Are Broken

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. But, man! Would it be fun if I did...naked Winchesters for everyone! LOL**

**AN: OMG you guys! I am SOOOOO sorry I didn't get this posted this weekend! I've got 30 people coming for Thanksgiving, I've got a house to clean and a turkey to cook and hubby hurt his foot and just...DRAMA. So, here we go, better late than never! Hopefully I can post the next chapter on Friday. *fingers crossed***

**So, YAY! I got new followers! Thanks! I guess ya'll decided to ride this train to Crazytown with me and I fully appreciate it. Hope you enjoy this installment! Let me know what you liked or didn't in a review, kay? :) **

* * *

**September Twenty Sixth**

Ryan laughed at the scene before her as she answered her phone. "Hello?"

"Hey! Where are you?!" Andy's voice called in irritation.

"Andy? Hey, girl! How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm also confused. I came through Sioux Falls looking for you and the sheriff says you moved."

"Oh, yeah, I did," she stated distractedly as the giggles continued getting louder. "If you break my kid, I'm breaking you, Winchester!" Ryan shouted at Sam as he continued tickling Bobby for all he was worth. They were attempting to get them to bed after taking the kids to the county fair. Thus far, all Sam had succeeded in doing was getting the boy wound tighter.

"Winchester?"

Ryan winced and stepped out to the front porch. "Uh, yeah."

"You're hunting with the Winchesters?"

The baby kicked and she rubbed her belly absently. "Not so much…"

"Ryan, what are you doing?"

"A lot has been happening, Andy."

"I know. I heard…I heard things."

"What things?"

"I heard the reason I haven't been finding many demons lately is because there's a new King of Hell. I heard it was a Knight of Hell. I heard it was a Winchester."

Two tears trickled down Ryan's face and she sucked in a breath. "It's all true."

"What?! You mean Sam became a…"

"No. Not Sam. Dean. It's complicated. But Dean's the ruler down there now." Even after these past few months, Ryan was still having a hard time accepting Dean's new title. It sounded ludicrous to even say it out loud.

"You're hunting with Sam Winchester?!"

The cool night air blew across her and she shivered as she looked out into the dark. "No. We aren't hunting. Not right now. There's so much to tell you, Andy. So many things we didn't know…"

"So, you're not hunting, what are you doing with him?"

Ryan opened and closed her mouth before she blew a breath out of her nose. "I'm living with him. But…"

"Oh. My. God. Seriously? Ryan! You're _living _with him? The man that mutilated and defiled my sister's corpse? Do you have any shame?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

"I mean, I knew you had a thing for one of them, I'm not stupid, but, Sam? Really?"

"It's not…"

"I don't care. I can't believe you'd do this, Ryan! Why would you do this? With _him _of all people!?"

"You don't know anything about what you're saying!" Ryan cried. She felt a presence behind her and she turned just as Sam put his hands on her shoulders. She reached up to grab his hand in hers.

"I think I've heard enough. You drew a line in the sand, Fawcett. I can't…I _won't _cross it! Don't call me again, Ryan. I mean it!"

Ryan stared at her phone as it beeped telling her the call had ended. She looked up at Sam, who was eyeing her contemplatively. "What's going on, Ryan?"

She blinked rapidly, but it didn't stop the tears. "I think I just lost one of my best friends."

* * *

**October First **

She glared daggers at the man standing across from her. "Damn it, Sam…"

"Don't you 'damn it' me, Ryan. I said I'd go, I'll go."

She blew out a frustrated breath. "I'm not asking you to…"

"Well, who the fuck else is going to do it?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't want you going out there by yourself."

"It's a simple werewolf, Ryan. For God's sake, I've hunted them before."

"I know, I just…" She bit her lip.

He looked at her. "What?" His eyes narrowed. "I see."

"What?"

"You don't think I can do it!" He stood and shoved his chair back. It made an awful scraping sound that ran down her nerve endings.

"Damn it, Sam, will you shut the fuck up? Of course I think you can do it, I just…"

He turned back and stared at her. "Just…what, Ryan? Spit it out!"

"I'm scared, okay!" she shouted. She sucked in a breath. "I'm scared, Sam. I don't want you out there hunting by yourself! And it has nothing to do with you, alright?" She gasped as a tear fell down her face. Fuck if she wasn't tired of being pregnant and feeling all these damn emotions!

"Scared of what?" he asked softly.

She sniffled. "Losing you, okay?" At his silence, she continued; "Sam, I'm not used to relying on anyone, not really. But then you come in here and you just…" she shook her head and closed her eyes at the onslaught of emotions. "I need you, okay?" she admitted in a defeated tone.

"Ryan…"

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I need you, Sam. I've already lost Dean. I can't lose you, too."

He walked over to her and hugged her. "I'm not going anywhere," he said into her hair. "I swear, Ryan, I'll be here."

She bit her lip and clung to him. "Don't go, not on this one. We'll…I'll find someone to take the job, but, please?"

He was silent a moment and she sighed. "Look, if you want to start hunting, we can hunt. Together. I…I can't have you going out there by yourself, Sam. It's not you, it's me. You have to understand…"

He nodded. "I get it. But, you want us to hunt together? What about the kids?"

She shrugged. "I-I don't know, but I just know I can't let you do this, Sam. Not right now. Maybe, in a few months, maybe I'll…I can't let you go." She hated the bubbling hysteria in her voice, running through her veins. She couldn't let him leave. She didn't know why, but she needed him to be with her and she was afraid he wouldn't come back.

"I'm not going on a kamikaze mission, Ryan. I'll come back. I…I have something to live for, you know."

"Not yet," she whispered into his shoulder as she gripped his shirt. "Please? Humor me? I just…I can't let you go."

He blew out a breath. "Okay, fine. But we need to find a hunter to take the job, Ryan."

She nodded. "I think we need a few hunters, actually. I think…now, hear me out, but I think we need to become the Men of Letters."

He blinked. "What?"

"I think we need to become the Men of Letters. Let us get a few really good hunters, start a network, and, well, we can hunt, too, but I think we need to…"

He smiled. "I think you're right. This, God, Ryan, this is great. This is a great idea."

"You think so?" She had been trying to find a way to broach the subject with him for some time, but just hadn't figured out how to say it.

"Yes! It's a great idea."

She grinned. "Good, because I think I know of our first hunter…"

His brow knit as she disentangled herself from his grasp and reached into her back pocket for her phone. "Who?"

She held up a finger as she punched a button. She smiled as she heard; "Yo. Talk fast. I'm busy."

"Tory? Hey, it's Ryan. You still speaking to me?"

"Well, hell, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because Andy isn't."

"Andy…she doesn't get it. Love and all that shit, right? You hooked up with Sam Winchester. Good for you. I always said you had a dick problem. You needed it, and you weren't getting it."

Ryan rolled her eyes at her friend's crassness but didn't bother correcting her, not right now, anyway. "Yeah, so, listen, I'm kinda tied up at the moment…"

"Oh! In the bedroom?"

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "What? Ew, no. Not at all. Sam is a legacy of this secret boy band that helps hunters. Long story short, I wondered if you wanted to be in on the network."

She heard a slap, a man say, "Ow! Damn it, Victoria!" and then a door close.

"Sorry," Tory told her. "I've legit got a guy tied up, so…"

Ryan opened her mouth then closed it before she started giggling. _Only Tory…_ Her friend was crazy.

"Go on…" Tory prompted.

Ryan blinked. "Oh, right, so, we're building a network of hunters. You're the first name that popped up on my list."

"I'm honored, chickadee."

"Well, Tory, you're one of the best."

"Damn straight. So, what's this do for me?"

Ryan winked at Sam and nodded as she moved back to her seat. "Here's the deal; we get you the jobs, give you some research, be your FBI superior or whatever the fuck you need, you go in, do the job. Period. No money, but less hassle, too."

"I'm in. No more questions. When do I start?"

Ryan grinned. "You got some silver bullets lying around?"

* * *

**October Thirty-First **

Ryan winced as the baby kicked again and rubbed her back. "No, Sam, your other left."

"Fuck, Ryan," he panted. "Will you just put it where you want it already?"

She rolled her eyes and moved his hand slightly. "There."

"See? Was that so damn difficult?"

"Yes," she said with a smile.

He stuck his tongue out at her and she slapped his arm. "No need to be petulant," she replied.

"Are you satisfied?" he groaned.

She grinned. "Yep."

He sat the picture that was in his arms down and moved to put the nail in the wall where she wanted it. "Remind me again why you wanted this hung _now_?"

"I'm nesting, damn it," she growled. "Besides, it has taken time for me to get the feel of the new house. I needed to get everything situated just so and this is the last thing." She collapsed on her bed and sighed. Life was working out pretty damn good, and despite some minor setbacks, they were easing into life together.

She kept to herself, working with Sam in the bunker most days. Since they had started taking calls in the past month, and their network of hunters began to grow, things had settled nicely. Ryan didn't say it, but she realized, Sam really wasn't ready to hunt, no matter what he said. And truthfully? Ryan wasn't certain if he ever would be again. Without his other half, she didn't know if he was stable enough to hunt. But for now, this was working out fine.

"Well, you're nested, I think," Sam groused playfully as he fell onto the bed next to her. He looked over at her and smiled. He turned over and placed a hand on her stomach. "What'cha think, Jon? You ready to come out yet? Uncle Sam is eager to meet you."

She smiled softly as the baby kicked at his voice. Sam had taken to being an uncle surprisingly well. He loved Hope and Bobby fully and there was nothing he wouldn't do for them. Him learning how to change diapers had been hilarious, but his relationships with the kids were beautiful. She just wished Dean could be there. Sometimes, she would just imagine he was there with them and it hurt, so damn much. "He's got a couple more months to cook, Sam." Her projected due date was around Christmas, but since both her other kids had come early, she anticipated him sometime early December.

"Mom?!" Hope called up the stairs and Ryan groaned as she attempted to sit up. She wasn't quite as big with Jon as she had been with Bobby, but, then, she didn't crave sweets like she had with Bobby, either.

Sam leapt up and reached for her hand. She took his gratefully as he pulled her up. "Thanks. It's beginning to be beached whale season," she muttered.

He smiled. "I think you look beautiful."

She grinned and patted his face. "You're so cute. I'll make you an appointment with the eye doctor first thing Monday morning."

"Ha, ha, ha," he deadpanned as he followed her out into the hall. "Hope, you ready?"

"Yep!" she shouted from the bottom of the stairs. They were going trick-or-treating while Ryan went and did some research at the bunker. "Mom, are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

She nodded. "I'm positive, sugar. We're keeping me low-profile until Jonny-Cake is born, remember? You go with Uncle Sam and have a good time. He'll take pictures for me." It was decided no one would know about her pregnancy. With Jon being part demon, they were keeping things very low key. So far, she was having an extremely normal pregnancy and she was more than a little grateful for that.

"But you'll be lonely at the bunker," Hope pouted.

Ryan smiled. Hope didn't quite grasp the fact that Ryan was a loner. She always had been, so, she didn't understand that Ryan reveled in the silence, in the aloneness of being by herself. "I'll be fine, sugar." She was in the process of teaching Hope about ghouls since Hope didn't know much about them, and she wanted to finish writing the test so Hope could take it on Monday. "Bobby? You ready?"

"Wet's go!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. He was wearing a cowboy costume, complete with some boots, a hat, and a sheriff's badge. "Hands up, wobber! I gots you nows!"

Sam held up his hands and Ryan snapped pictures of them with her phone. "Bang!" Bobby shouted as he 'shot' Sam with his play gun.

Sam fell to the floor. "Oh! You got me! Now I can't take you trick-or-treating!"

Bobby was all grins as he came down the steps. "Siwwy Unca Sam! It's pwetend!"

Ryan couldn't keep the smile off her face. Once Bobby start forming words, they hadn't gotten him to shut up. He talked all the time now, much to her chagrin. They had also enrolled him into a preschool where he was thoroughly enjoying himself. "Alright, Sheriff, let's get to the car."

"Cans we take Demon?" Bobby asked.

Ryan smiled and handed over the keys to Sam. Sam had adamantly refused to drive the Impala and Ryan understood it. Had she been him, she probably would have felt the same way. "Want to just drop me off? Then I can call you to come pick me up?"

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Why not? Save gas that way, too."

He shrugged. "Okay." They loaded up in the car and Ryan winced as the baby kicked hard again. "You okay?" he asked as he noticed her movement.

"Yeah, he's just being a pain. Nothing big."

"Can't imagine where he gets that," Sam teased.

Ryan smiled. It had slowly been getting easier to joke about Dean, to mention him in passing…it wasn't painless, but it was better. They enjoyed listening to the kids chatter on the way to the bunker. It wasn't a long drive. They had managed to find a wonderful large house only a few minute's drive from the MOL bunker.

When they arrived, Sam handed Ryan the key to the bunker and she stepped out. "Okay, you two, listen to Uncle Sam, and do _not _eat too much candy. That means you, Bobby."

"I won'ts, Mommy. I pwomise."

She eyed him. "You know the rules, dude. Too much candy means you get no more tomorrow. Or ever. I won't hesitate to throw it all away."

His eyes grew wide and he nodded. It seemed as though Gabriel always had a sweet tooth and it passed on to this vessel as well. He was always trying to eat something sweet.

Ryan made her way into the bunker and down the steps slowly. She knew they would be a few hours, more, if Sam went to all the houses Hope wanted to. The kid might be an angel, but she was still a kid, and she was dying to show off her Tenth Doctor costume, even if she felt sure not many people would get the reference. She had worn one of Ryan's pinstriped "FBI" suits and they had found an old brown coat at the Goodwill store so she was looking quite sharp with her 3-D glasses, sonic screwdriver, and Converse tennis shoes. Ryan had even put all of Hope's gorgeous hair under a wild wig of hair so she looked more authentic.

Ryan made quick work of the test for Hope, checking one more fact before she printed it out, and then, having time on her hands, decided to roam around a little. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of milk. They kept the kitchen stocked here. Occasionally, she or Sam one would pull an all-nighter looking for information for a needy hunter, so she wanted to make sure there was something there for them to snack on. Sam didn't like it when she went and did the research, he knew she needed her rest, but she countered with him needing his own rest. He had opened up to her in the past few months about so many things she didn't know, things that had happened in the past year. Most of it was surprising, but other things didn't shock her so much.

It had been a hard few months for Sam, too. He suffered what she figured was a cousin to PTSD. Dean had scared him in that warehouse before he'd gotten his demon under control and Sam often suffered nightmares because of it. Hope tried to help, and occasionally, Hope would hear him having the nightmare and she would go into his room and touch his arm, calming him. It didn't always work, but occasionally it helped Sam to get a decent night's rest.

Ryan then wandered around until she found herself in the garage. She flipped on the lights and smiled at the Impala. "Hey, Baby," she whispered as she reached out to touch it. It hadn't been driven since Sam drove her back from Muncie, Indiana, with Dean's dead body. He had parked her in her usual spot, so certain he would get Dean back, but he hadn't. Instead, they had gotten short-changed. Dean had become the King of Hell.

Ryan walked to the passenger door, not feeling right about sitting behind the wheel and sat inside. She took in a deep breath. If you tried hard enough, you could almost smell Dean here; the mixture of gun powder, cheap soap, and pie. She curled up on the seat as best she could and sat still a moment. "I feel you, Dean. I feel you," she whispered as tears ran down her face. She turned the key Sam had left in the ignition and smiled sadly as she turned the radio on. It was still playing Dean's Back in Black cassette. She sobbed as she listened to the words of the song and snapped it off. "Fuck," she muttered as she scrubbed a hand across her face. This wasn't helping anything. Dean was Back in Black alright. Black eyes. She stood angrily and slammed the door shut. She sucked in a breath as she leaned back against the door. "No. This isn't healthy, is it?" she mused.

She swiped at her eyes one last time and decided to do some light reading. She walked back out to the library and picked up a book on fairy lore. She couldn't help the smile as she remembered the Gospel that contained Dean's encounter with a fairy. She'd never seen one, but she could only imagine what that would be like. Time slipped away quickly and she sighed as she closed the book halfway through. It was quiet in the bunker, too quiet.

She went to put on a record, but the CCR album she wanted wasn't there. With a groan, she realized it was in Dean's room. She so rarely ventured into it. Sam didn't either. It was a shrine to the man they loved and had lost, everything was just as he left it, save for one more item…

Ryan's eyes lit on The First Blade immediately upon entering the room. It was situated inside a glass box on Dean's desk. She ignored it as she walked over to Dean's vinyl collection and found the album she wanted and almost made it to the door when the blade seemed to call to her. She dropped the album onto the bed and walked over to the glass case. Her hand ran over it softly, lovingly, almost. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Dean…" she murmured.

She picked up the lid and sat it aside so she could examine the blade further. So far, she hadn't touched it. It looked so innocent and ugly sitting there. It was hard to believe this was part of Dean's new powers. Her fingers reached out to touch it but she quickly snatched them away. It was evil. She didn't need to touch it. But she found herself unable to stop as the tips of her fingers traced along the top of it, down to the blade. She knew if she touched the blade, it would cut her. It was, no doubt, extremely sharp. Her fingers brushed the handle and she felt a current shoot through her and she screamed as her stomach cramped.

Just then, the lights began flickering and she felt it…the warm trickle down her legs. "No…no, no, no…" She looked down and gasped in horror at the sight of the bright red blood pooling at her feet. "Cas!" she cried. "Castiel! I'm in the bunker! Please! Help me…" the crippling pain only grew worse as she sank to her knees. "Help, please…help me."

"Ryan? I…Ryan!" Cas shouted as he grabbed her in his arms and laid her down on the bed.

She curled into a ball as the pain tore through her. "Cas…what is happening to me? To the baby?"

"What were you doing?"

"I was just in here looking…" she screamed as the pain ripped through her again. "I was looking at the blade. I touched it…"

Castiel's eyes grew wide. "I think this baby is coming now."

"No, Cas, he's too little…"

"Ryan, you don't have a choice."

"Go…" she licked her dry lips. "Go get Sam. Have Hope put Bobby to bed. Bring Sam, hurry!"

He was gone before she finished the word. She counted slowly and by the time she reached one hundred, Sam and Cas were both in the room. "Ryan?"

"Sam!" she cried as another contraction ripped through her. She held out her arms for him and he quickly wrapped her in a hug.

"Ryan…Cas, we need to get her to the hospital, man."

Just then, the lights flickered again and Castiel's eyes traveled to them. "Sam, I do not think that would be the wisest course of action…"

"She's in _labor, _Cas! And she's early!"

"And this baby is a _demon, _Sam! She touched the blade and its power called to him!"

"Oh, God," she moaned. "He's…it's…" she puffed out a breath. This was real. This was happening. She had been frightened before, but it occurred to her now, this baby already had powers, didn't he? He was much stronger than Cas originally thought. He had more demon in him, didn't he? As the pain coursed through her, she realized she might not live through this. "Cas, will I be okay?" she managed softly.

He placed a hand on her forehead. "I will help all that I can, Ryan. You will live, yes. I will take care of you, I promise you this. But this…this is something I can not help with."

"Can't, or won't?" Sam demanded.

"I can not help. This pain is woman's penance for disobeying in the Garden of Eden. She must go through the birth without my help. I will step in only if needed."

She blew a breath out of her nose and wiped the sweat on her brow that had started with the first horrible pains. "That's okay. I can handle that. This ain't my first rodeo. I just want to make sure I live through the damn birth."

Sam glanced at the clock. It was closing in on nine o'clock. "Are you sure?"

She huffed out a breath as another contraction hit. She breathed through it and nodded. "As long as Cas keeps me alive, the rest, I can handle."

"What can I do, Ryan? I don't know anything about this!" Sam cried.

She smiled. "You'll be fine. Go get a blanket, put on some water to boil. You'll…you'll have to deliver him."

Sam's eyes grew wide and he swayed slightly on his feet. "Cas," Ryan groaned and Castiel grasped Sam's shoulder.

"As Dean would say, 'Sack up, Sam'. Ryan needs you to pull it together!"

Ryan would have laughed at the angel had another contraction not hit. "Fuck," she muttered as her stomach tightened. "Well, ain't this a bitch? A demon kid born on Halloween. Shit."

"Hey, it could always be worse," Sam stated softly as he put a hand on Ryan's brow.

"Yeah? You keep saying that, Sam, and honestly, it ain't making me feel any better!"

He smiled and kissed her forehead before he walked out to get the supplies. He was back only a few minutes later with some towels and blankets. He pulled one of Dean's old tee-shirts out of a drawer. When Ryan looked at him curiously, he smiled softly. "It's one of the softest things to wrap the baby in."

Ryan held back a sob and nodded.

They tried to walk her to the medical bay, but she couldn't be moved. She would cry out in pain anytime they tried to move her, so she had to deal with being on Dean's bed as she labored. The contractions kept coming worse and worse until, finally, she felt like it was time to push. "This is it. Sam, are you ready?"

His eyes grew wide, but he nodded and got into position.

The pain was excruciating, much worse than the other two children and she cried and screamed as Jon fought his way into the world. The lights continued to flicker and with one final scream from her, the lights in the hallway popped and burst. Finally, there was nothing, blessed nothing, and she passed out.

_She dreamed. Oh, it was a lovely dream. In it, she was sitting in a garden or maybe it was a park? There was nothing but peace and quiet. A bee buzzed from one flower to another. The sun was streaming down on them and she could smell the sweet honeysuckle in the air. _

"_Ryan? Ryan!" she turned and heard her mother's voice. _

"_Mom?"_

_Elaine ran to her and hugged her tightly. "Oh, my baby!"_

"_Mom?" She glanced over at the man who was standing behind her mom. "Dad?" _

"_Hello there, how are you?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around both of them and kissed her head. She began sobbing. He always used to ask that when he got home from work. It was the first thing out of his mouth, and even when he was on the phone, he said it always, just like that. _

"_I'm okay," she cried as she hugged him tightly. _

_Just then, two other people walked down the path. "Mary! Look! She's here!" Elaine cooed._

_Ryan's brows knit. "Mary?"_

_The woman, Mary, approached her slowly with a smile on her face. She was beautiful, with long blond hair, Ryan noticed. "Hello, Ryan. I'm Mary Winchester."_

_Ryan gasped and threw her arms around the woman. "Mrs. Winchester…"_

_Mary patted her back and hugged her for all she was worth. "I'm so proud to call you 'daughter'," Mary whispered into her ear._

_Ryan pulled away and she just looked at Mary quizzically as John stepped forward. He looked so young, so much younger than Ryan ever remembered him. "Sir," she stated stiffly. _

_He smiled at her and held out a hand for her to shake. "You're one of the good ones," John stated. _

"_Thank you," she muttered, still unbelieving of the four standing in front of her. _

"_You did good, kid," her dad said. "Real good."_

"_I'm so proud of you, honey," her mother told her._

_Ryan smiled. "Thanks, but I'm not sure what it was I did…"_

"_Ryan, don't you know where you are?"_

_She shook her head and blinked. "No. Where am I?"_

Just then, pain ran through her and she gasped as she awoke in Dean's bed.

"Oh my God, Ryan! Are you okay?" Sam asked as he towered over her.

She blinked and furrowed her brow. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You died," Castiel stated tiredly. "Luckily, I was here and revived you. You were hemorrhaging, though. I…I thought it best to remove your uterus to prevent further damage…"

"Wait…" she shook her head. "I..I died? Then seeing Mom and Dad, Mary and John…"

"You saw my mom and dad?" Sam asked, incredulous.

She nodded. "Yeah, I did…where's Jon?"

Sam smiled and picked up the baby. He was in a little basket sitting on the desk. "Here he is. He's perfect, Ryan. He's tiny, but he's strong…"

He handed her the baby and she gasped as she scooted to a sitting position and took him in her arms. She looked at him as the tears flowed down her cheeks. He was tiny, but he was perfect. "Look at you." She counted his fingers and his toes and smiled. "Look. No horns or tail, either."

"Why would he have horns or a tail? He is not a ram or a dog…"

She looked up at Castiel and laughed. "Never change, Cas. Never change."

"Well, we know his first name is Jonathan. You picked that forever ago. What's his middle name?"

"Cain," she stated softly. After all, The First Blade, Cain's curse, is what called him to be born. "Jonathan Cain Winchester."

"You're naming him after the keyboardist from Journey?" Sam asked, incredulous.

Ryan laughed as tears still streamed down her face. "Well, he did write 'Don't Stop Believin'," she mused. "Poor fella. Your daddy would have a shit fit if he knew."

Castiel smiled. "A good, strong name, for a good, strong boy."

"He will be good, won't he, Cas?" Ryan whispered softly as she looked up at the angel.

Castiel walked over and placed his hand on the boy's head. He closed his eyes and was silent for a few moments. He opened them and they were glowing blue. "Yes, I believe he will be good, Ryan. He will have struggles, yes, but at his core, he is good. Just like his father."

Ryan began sobbing then and hugged the baby closer to her. She felt Sam's hand on her shoulder. "I'll help him, too, Ryan. You know that."

She reached up and grabbed his hand. "I couldn't think of anyone else better to help raise him, Sam. The man who defeated the devil. You're a hero. You're one of the best guys I know. You're _the _best guy I know."

The babe began making little mewling noises and she smiled.

"Not to change the subject, but I believe the little one is hungry," Castiel stated uncomfortably.

Ryan giggled. "And I assume you don't want to watch the miracle of breast feeding, Cas?"

"I'm out," Sam muttered as he walked to the door. "I'll take the bike home and check on the kids. They should be asleep by now, it's just after midnight, but I have the feeling Hope won't be asleep yet. I'll come back for you in a little while. You just gave birth and you just died. That isn't something to recover from quickly."

Her brow furrowed as he walked out the door. She felt completely fine, completely normal. "Cas?"

He looked at her as he sat. Clearly he didn't care about propriety. "Yes?"

"Why don't I feel like I just had a kid?"

"I healed you," he stated simply.

"But, uh…so…I'm good?"

"Yes."

She blinked. "Okay then, thanks."

The baby began crying softly and she shushed him as she moved him to her breast. "Are you seriously going to watch me?"

"Does that make you uncomfortable?"

She thought a moment. "No, not really, I guess."

"May I? I have not seen this before and I have to admit, I am intrigued. The birth was very interesting as well."

Her lip quirked. He was a funny one, wasn't he? But she was beginning to really like him. She hadn't been around Castiel very much. He was quite busy rebuilding Heaven with his brethren, so he hadn't had many reasons to travel back to Earth. She got the baby into position, then moved Dean's pillow so the baby could be at the correct angle to nurse. He latched on eagerly enough, just like her other kids. "Thank you," she stated once Jon was situated.

"For…?"

"Everything. For being you, Cas. You saved my life just now. You saved Jon. You saved…" Her breath caught. "You saved Dean, and Sam, time and time again."

He looked at her and shook his head. "I have failed them time and time again."

She reached out and grabbed for his hand. "They love you. Both of them."

"You see it, don't you? The good I see in Dean?"

She thought a moment. "The thought of Dean being a demon, the thought of him being King of Hell…it's too much for my brain to compute, Cas. I'm just…I can't do it. I think my head has wrapped around the fact he's not coming back, that I won't ever see him again, but I'm not sure I can…" She took a breath. "I think it would be easier to imagine him dead and gone."

Castiel nodded. "I can understand that. He is your soul mate. You love him very much."

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I've had time to adjust, had time to acclimate to the idea, but…what does that mean, 'soul mate'? Like, I mean, he's a demon now. Does that…does it affect anything?"

"I do not think so. It shouldn't, in any case. Your soul is mated to his. His is now…demonic, however, it shouldn't affect yours, though, I have to admit, yours does bear the stain…"

Well didn't that sound like a barrel of fun? "Stain?" she asked warily.

"Yes. See, whenever a demon possesses someone, it leaves a mark on their soul. Of course, you were also possessed by an angel, so I can also see Gabriel's mark upon you as well, but it too, is there."

"So, wait, I'm marked by an angel and a demon? And I was briefly a vampire. Awesome."

His lips quirked. "It is interesting. I have not seen someone's soul marked quite as yours. But it will be alright."

"You seem so damn confident, Cas."

"You are Dean Winchester's soul mate. I have no doubts you are just as special as he is."

She sighed. "Some days I don't feel very special."

"That is a human reaction, Ryan. It is what it is."

"Thanks. I think."

He realized she was still holding his hand and he tightened his grip on hers. "You are worthy, Ryan. Gabriel and I might not have agreed on much, but he chose well when he chose you. You are worthy, Ryan Fawcett Winchester."

She blushed. "I'm not a Winchester, Cas."

At that, he chuckled. "Yes, well, here is a little known fact about soul mates, Ryan; when they give themselves to one another for the first time, it bonds them in Heaven."

"Bond's them…as in…"

He nodded. "You two are married in the eyes of Heaven."

"You're shitting me."

He shook his head. "I would not 'shit' you, Ryan."

At that, she chortled flatly. "Well, that's just fabulous."

"It could always be worse."

"People keep telling me that. I don't want worse. I want better."

His face was grim as he said, "I am sorry, Ryan. I can not give you better. But I can help you with what you have."

She burped the baby gently and switched him to her other breast. "What's going to happen now, Cas?"

"I am uncertain. I believe you are to just go on with your life as you were living it, Ryan. The time has not yet come to pass for the prophecy to be fulfilled, so, we must wait until such time the children grow up."

The prophecy. That was something else that had been bothering her. "Do you know anything else about the prophecy, Cas?"

He shook his head. "No. All I have is what I told you. The prophet who had the vision has long since died."

"So…we wait?"

"Unfortunately, that is all we can do."

She yawned then.

"You are tired. We should get your things gathered. I am certain Sam will be back soon."

"I, uh, I don't have anything to wear," she told him.

"I can go get you something, or we can call Sam…"

She glanced over at the small chest of drawers where Dean's clothes were. "No. I can wear something of Dean's." Sam had wrapped Jonathan in one of Dean's shirts and she smiled at him. They would need a slew of baby things yet. Luckily she had already picked up some diapers and clothes. That would get them through the next couple of days.

"I will step out so you can clothe yourself."

She stood and shrugged as she placed the now sleeping baby in the middle of the bed. "What's the point? You've kind of seen all of me by now, Cas."

To her surprise, he blushed and she grinned. "That, right there…that's priceless, Cas. I kinda like making an angel blush."

His eyes narrowed. "You would have been formidable had you been by Dean's side. The two of you would have always made me the butt of your jokes."

She refused the hurt. Dean was gone. What she wanted could never be. She had to accept it sometime. So, she just kept the smirk on her face as she muttered, "What makes you think I'm not formidable now?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it as she dropped the sheet that had been covering her naked lower half. She pulled her shirt completely off and walked over to the slightly open door where Dean's tee shirts were. She expected her whole lower half to be streaked with blood, but she was completely clean. "Wow," she commented as she looked at herself. "Thanks, Cas. You're a lifesaver. I don't need a shower and I feel completely normal. The angel whammy is great. Everyone should have an angel in their pocket."

"You are fortunate you have three," he mused.

She stopped and smiled. "Yeah, you're right. I am."

Needless to say, Hope was a bit shocked when she came downstairs for breakfast the next morning and found her mother nursing the baby in the puffy arm chair in the living room. "Mom?"

Ryan looked up and smiled as she moved the baby, who had finished and was now dozing. "Come meet your brother."

"Mom…what did I miss?"

Ryan's smile grew. "Well, it looks like your brother is more demon than we thought." At Hope's quizzical glance, Ryan added, "I touched the first blade. It…it affected him. It caused me to go into labor."

Hope moved closer. "He's so tiny."

Ryan nodded. "He is, but he's strong."

"He's perfect, Mom."

Ryan stood and said, "Sit. I'll let you hold him."

Hope scrambled into the seat Ryan had just vacated and held her arms open, waiting. Ryan gently placed the baby in her daughter's arms and Hope gasped. "Wow. I feel it…I feel the demon in him, but, not."

Ryan nodded as she perched on the footstool. "I don't know what will happen, what he will become, but if Cas is right, if you are right, then he'll be a friend and an ally."

"Too bad we don't know any half demons to show him the way. Well, any good ones, anyway."

"We do," Sam said as he came in. He gave Hope a little one-armed hug and rubbed his huge hand over the baby's downy blonde hair.

Ryan's brow furrowed. "We do?"

Sam nodded. "Jesse Turner. Dean and I met him once. He was just a kid. He gained his power from Lucifer. We told him the truth, he said he would be good, then he poofed out."

Ryan's brows quirked. "But…you don't know where he is. The Gospels…they said angels couldn't track him."

Sam nodded. "You're right."

"So…how are we going to find him?"

"The old fashioned way; detective work."

Ryan shrugged. "Sounds like fun."

"I think it's an idea. Not now. We don't have to rush it. But last night…Jon made the lights flicker, Ryan. When you pushed him out, he blew most of the bulbs in the joint. I've already been over there this morning, cleaning up the mess. If he's that unpredictable…"

She heeded his warning, but she had an innate feeling Jon would be fine. She didn't know how she knew, she just knew. "We'll get to work on it." She stood and after swooping Jon into her arms, said, "Come on. Let's get breakfast, then, I think we need to head over to the bunker anyway. I need to start training."

"Start…Ryan, you just had a kid yesterday," Sam began as he trailed behind her.

She nodded as she walked to the kitchen, sat Jon in the little basket Sam had found at the bunker the night before, and pulled out eggs and milk from the fridge. "I did. And Cas healed me completely. I'm fine, Sam. Completely normal." She paused. "Well, as normal as I ever was, in any case." _That's not saying much, _she mused inwardly. "I need to train," she told him. "Then I'll be ready for whatever may come…"

"And what do you anticipate coming?"

She blew out a breath and looked at him over the kitchen island. "I don't know, but I want to be ready for it. No more pregnancy, nothing stopping me from being a hunter."

"Three kids kind of prevent that, Ryan."

She glared at him. "You know what I mean. I've gotten soft, my skills have gotten flabby, Sam. I need to do this. I mean, I'm still a great shot, but physically, I'm out of shape. I need to start running, start building my muscles back up…I've got a lot of work to do."

"Ryan…"

She paused and looked, really looked at him. "Sam, look, I realize I freaked out on you about that werewolf. I'm sorry. It was a moment of temporary pregnancy insanity, but the fact remains, there _will _come a time when you or I, or, hell, both of us, will need to go on a hunt. And when that time comes, I want to be ready. I want _us _to be ready." She reached out and grabbed his hand across the island. "Train with me, Sam. Please? I won't ask you to hunt with me if it hurts too much, but there will come a time when we will both have to get back out there."

His eyes narrowed. "Are you going to be a dick about working out like Dean is?"

At that, she smiled and shook her head. "Physical fitness is a big deal to me. But don't ask me to eat all salads all day long, Sam. I'm a woman. We need chocolate. We need pizza."

He chuckled. "Fine."

"One last thing," she added as she grabbed a whisk and began cracking eggs.

"What?"

"I don't want you to go easy on me. I need to learn how to take you down. If I can take you down, I can take down just about anything."

"You're so little, Ryan. You're…"

"I used to be skittish, Sam, but even though I'm small, I'm hella strong and powerful, too. Bobby thought I was one of the best, once upon a time. Help me be that again, okay?"

He sighed. "Fine."

* * *

**December Tenth**

**Sam POV**

He heard the music grow louder as he walked down the hall. Ryan had come over to the bunker early to work out, bringing the growing Jonathan with her while Sam had gotten the other two to school. He quickly checked on Jon in his playpen in Dean's room before he went to go get Ryan to begin their lessons.

He heard a flutter of wings and stopped as Castiel popped in behind him. "Hey, Cas. What's up?"

"Nothing, I just wished to check in with you while I am on Earth."

"Down for a little business?"

"I had a meeting with Dean."

Sam's heart lurched, but he just took in a deep breath. His brother was gone. This…this was the best he had, this life with Ryan and the kids. It wasn't terrible, but he still missed Dean with every fiber of his being. When Dean had gone to Purgatory, Sam had assumed Dean had died and finally gone to Heaven, Cas too, for that matter. He'd never managed to explain that to Dean, but it wasn't that he hadn't looked for his brother, he hadn't thought his brother had been anywhere bad. He'd thought Dean had been at peace. When he'd realized he hadn't been, it was too late and Dean had been pissed at him. He supposed Dean had never really gotten past that. And now it was too late to make it right. "How are things downstairs?" Sam managed aloofly.

Cas continued walking toward the sound of the music. "They are settling down some. What is this music?"

Sam grinned despite himself. Ryan had her iPod plugged in to the dock she'd brought into the training room. She had informed him she worked out better to music and he couldn't deny it made doing burpees easier when Halestorm was blaring at you. Besides, Lindsey Hale was hot. Just because Sam hadn't relieved himself of his re-virginated status, didn't mean he couldn't appreciate looking. He'd just been too busy for a hookup.

Honestly, he finally realized how come most married people didn't have sex that often. By the time he made it to bed after training, researching, and dealing with the kids through bathtime, meals, and homework, he was exhausted and fell asleep almost immediately. He was sleeping a normal seven to eight hours a night and he needed every moment of sleep to prepare for the next day.

"It's Maroon 5 and the song is called 'Harder to Breathe', Cas. Why?"

"I like it."

Sam just stared at him. _Oh Dean would shit a brick. _He chuckled. "Yeah, it's catchy. Ryan either works out to Maroon 5 or Halestorm. Come on. She's almost finished. We've got to get started on our research. She's teaching me Greek and it's, well, like reading Greek."

Cas smiled at the joke and followed Sam to the training room. Once Sam breached the door, he stopped short and felt Cas bump into him. "Sam…?"

Sam just held up a finger to his lips as he watched Ryan. She was gifted at Tae Kwon Do but had recently gotten into Capoeira, which was a cross between martial arts and dance that included knife throwing. Clearly she had already done her cardio as her skin had a light sheen of sweat on it. She was making the moves, dancing to the music, doing flips and throwing knives at the corkboard wall they had created for knife throwing. The song had changed to "Tangled" and Cas cleared his throat. "Is it normal to be physically aroused by watching this?"

Sam just nodded. Ryan had on a sport bra and some bike shorts along with her running shoes. Since it was getting so cold, they'd taken to the treadmill since Jon couldn't ride in the running stroller Ryan had bought. Her hair was up in a sloppy, sweaty ponytail and she looked absolutely stunning. Both men watched, transfixed, as she continued her movements, completely oblivious to her audience. She was deadly, beautiful, and completely off limits. So he cleared his throat and got her attention.

She smiled over at them, rolled, and tossed her last knife at the wall. "Hey!" she enthused as she picked up her water bottle and her towel. She guzzled about half her water and wiped her mouth with the back of her arm. "Good timing," she mused as she went and turned the music off. "I just finished."

"You are very aesthetically pleasing in your current clothing, Ryan," Cas told her.

She looked at the angel a moment with wide eyes before she broke out in a thousand watt smile and giggled. "I bet you say that to all the girls, Cas."

He looked at her confused a moment before she stood on tip-toe to kiss his cheek. "I'm going to shower. I'll be just a minute. Is Jonny-Cake okay?"

Sam nodded. Ryan, like Dean, had the habit of giving people nicknames, he'd noticed. "He's fine. Still asleep, for now."

She gave them a little head bob. "Good. Okay, be back in ten. Fifteen if I decide to take that shower massage for a spin…" and with that, she walked down the hall, whistling.

"Take the…" Castiel's brows furrowed. "Sam…did she mean masturbate?"

Sam looked at the angel and burst out laughing. "Come on, Cas, let's go get the books ready."

Three hours later, Sam was busy translating a paragraph Ryan had written out for him and he squinted at the paper. "Ryan, you have awful handwriting."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Eat me, Sam."

"I would, but you're not into me that way," he shot back.

She chuckled. "Nope. Sorry."

He rolled his eyes as he sat back and rubbed his eyes. Over the past few weeks, their relationship had changed and he began to see more of Ryan's personality. She was mouthy, snarky, and a world class smart ass. Her biting comments would have been perfect to snap Dean out of his funks, or to set his ass straight, if need be. She was doing it often enough with him, as well. He liked it.

Just then, a telephone rang across the room.

"Is it yours?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Mine is set on a guitar riff, Sam, not a ring."

His brows knit as he got up and grabbed it. It was one of Dean's. He punched the button. "Hello?"

"Dean?"

"This is Sam."

"Sam! It's Krissy."

"Krissy…hey, long time to hear. What's up?"

"I…I need help, Sam."

He swallowed hard. It was easy to hear the distress in her voice. "What's up, Krissy?"

"Can-Can you come get me? I need…I almost…"

She sounded terrified. He could only imagine what had happened. "Okay, okay, kid. I got you. Where are you?"

"Oklahoma City. I…it's bad, Sam. It's so bad."

"Are you hurt?"

She grunted and he could tell she was moving around. "I'll live…"

He quickly calculated how long it would take for him to get to her. "I'll be there in five and a half hours. Give me your exact location, okay?"

She rattled off the address and he punched it into the GPS on his phone. "Do I need to bring backup?" he asked.

"N-No. I k-killed them all." He could hear her teeth chattering and fervently prayed she wasn't going into shock.

"Okay, Krissy, you're doing fine. You'll be okay. I'll be right there."

When she didn't answer, he said it again; "I promise, Krissy. I'll be there as fast as the car can get me there."

He snapped the old flip-phone closed and looked at Ryan. "It's Krissy. She's hurt."

Ryan nodded and both of them moved into action. She tossed him the keys to Demon as they began walking out of the library. "Take Demon. Toss Jon's car seat base into out, I'll get it strapped into the Expedition later. You got your bag, just in case?"

He nodded. He had kept his duffle packed, just in case he needed to run out on a hunt, which, he hadn't, but he still kept his go bag ready. His eyes met hers and she smiled. "Go get her, bring her here. We'll look after her."

"Will you be okay?"

She rolled her eyes and shot him a glare. "I'm fine, Sam. Go. Krissy needs you. Bring her back here, we'll take care of it."

"Are you sure?"

She smiled softly. "I knew I'd need a bigger house, I just wasn't sure why. I think a teenage hunter is probably part of the reason."

"She has friends that hunt with her…" But even as he said it, he knew; her friends were dead, weren't they? That's why she had called, wasn't it?

"Well, then bring them back with you, if you want. The more the merrier."

"You sure?"

She shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

He blew out a breath and nodded. "Okay. I'll…I'll go get her."

Ryan crossed to him and put a hand on his arm. "Be careful, please?"

He smiled. It was nice having someone worry over him, but not be overbearing about it like Dean would have been. "Thanks. I will be."

She nodded. "Alrighty, then. Looks like you'll miss the Brunswick Stew I put on in the crock."

"Damn it. I love that stuff."

She laughed. "There will be a ton of leftovers, you know that."

"Good. Save me some." He jogged down to his old room, grabbed his bag, peeked in on Jon one last time, then ran down to the garage where Demon was backed in, ready to roll. He glanced at the Impala and shook his head. No. He still wasn't ready. That's why Ryan gave him her keys. She knew it, too. _Maybe one day, soon…_ He slid behind the wheel of Demon, letting out a curse as he readjusted the seat to make room for his legs, and tore ass out into the wintry sunlight.

The address Krissy had given him was a modest looking house in a suburb. His brows knit as he read the address again. He pulled his gun and slowly crept to the house. The door was slightly ajar and he didn't like going in during the daylight hours, but if Krissy was hurt, he needed to get to her as soon as he could.

As soon as he breached the door, he saw a dead body, then another, then another. He saw the body of Krissy's friend, Josephine, her eyes glazed and fixed, and he also saw the boy, Aiden, lying on his stomach, a pool of blood around him. Sam's heart fell to his stomach as he searched the front rooms and then made his way to a swinging door where he assumed the kitchen was.

There was another body he had to shove out of the way, the blood pool helping it slide. He slipped into the room and glanced around. At first, he didn't see anything, but then he heard a wheezing moan and he quickly walked around to the other side of the kitchen island.

"God…Krissy!" he exclaimed as he knelt before her. She was covered in blood and one eye was almost swollen shut. She had a baseball bat in one hand and a sawed off shotgun in the other. A bloody knife was lying beside her and she was trying her damndest to hold pressure on a wound in her side.

"Sam?" she asked weakly.

"Hey, kiddo," he whispered as he gently touched her face. "Glad to see you're still alive."

"I'm the only one," she whispered as tears fell down her face. "We thought we were so smart. The ghouls…"

Sam winced. "Yeah, ghouls almost got me and Dean, too, did, in fact, get our brother."

"You have a brother?"

"We did," he replied as he began looking her over for additional wounds. Surprisingly, most of the blood didn't seem to be hers and the stab wound didn't seem too life threatening, though, the swollen, nasty shade of purple her ankle was didn't fill him with happy thoughts. "Did you kill them all?"

She coughed and winced and he felt his blood run cold when he saw a bubbling of blood at her lips. He wondered if perhaps she had some internal injuries. "Yeah. Last one ran in here, I ran after him…" One wide eye looked up at him. "They killed Aiden and Josephine!"

Sam gathered her in his arms and hugged her as she sobbed. "I know, Krissy, I know…"

She let him hold her a moment before she gave him a push. "Where's Dean?"

He sucked in a breath. "I'll explain everything later. Now, we need to get you checked over, patched up…"

"I'm fine. I think I have a broken rib or two. I got my head bashed in, but I don't think it's a concussion. The stab wound is the worst. I don't think it hit my lung…"

"You're bleeding from your mouth," he reminded her gently.

She winced and spit. "I bit him when he grabbed me. Thought I got it all."

Sam chuckled despite himself. "Alright, fine. Good enough. Do you think you can walk with help? You need to get cleaned up before you walk out of here in broad daylight."

She nodded. "My bag is in the piece of crap Toyota across the street. You driving Dean's big black boat?"

Sam shook his head. "No, I've got a friend's car." He helped her stand and walked her to the door. "Krissy…Your friends…"

"I know. Funeral pyre, right?"

"We'll take care of it tonight. I assume you don't want us to call the cops right away?"

"I'd rather you not. Aid and Jo don't have any family except me. I'd like to give them the respect they deserve."

"Is anyone coming home here?"

The girl shook her head. "They were eaten days ago, from what we found. The ghouls have been living their lives for the past week. They were smart, I tell you. They went right on with work and everything else. That made them hard to track."

"I bet," Sam mused. "Okay, I'll go get your gear out of the Toyota and my first aid kit. We'll get you patched up…" he glanced at her. "I don't suppose you'd go to the hospital…?"

"No," she stated flatly.

He nodded. "I figured I'd ask." He helped her to the kitchen table and eased her into a chair. "Stay put, I'll be right back."

He dashed out to the car parked across the street and found a couple of bags. He figured she would want to look through the other's gear as well, then snagged Ryan's first aid kit out of the trunk of the Falcon before he walked back into the house, locking the door behind him.

He found Krissy right where he'd left her and he smiled at her. "Okay, here's the plan; let me stitch up that knife wound, then, you go take a shower, change your clothes, then I'll dress your ankle. I figure you can handle the bath part yourself, right?"

"I'm not a child, Sam!" she shouted at him.

His lip quirked. "I never said you were, Krissy. It wouldn't be the first time I've had to help clean up a hunter, I just didn't figure you wanted me to."

"Ugh. No, you perv!"

He looked at her in surprise a moment before he laughed and held up both hands. "No pervy thoughts, I swear. Just concern. You got messed up, kid."

She sighed. "I know. Thanks, Sam. Really."

He nodded. "I'll handle everything here, then, when it's dark, we will take your friends to give them a hunter's funeral. We'll call in a tip to 911 for the ghoul's bodies, then, I want you to come back with me. No questions, no excuses. You're a damn good hunter, Krissy, just like your dad. I've got a woman hunter with me now who can help you, too. I know I can't talk you out of this life, out of this job, but I can help you. We should have helped you more than we did…"

"Sam…" She grabbed his shirt sleeve. "You did great by us. You could have sent us away, but you didn't. You gave us a chance. That's more than we deserved. Thank you for that."

He just looked at her a moment and didn't say anything. What could he say to that? He'd failed her, just like so many others, when he hadn't shut the gates of Hell for good. But, there was nothing he could do about it now, nothing except be here for this girl that needed his help. And, maybe Ryan was right, maybe he did need to bring her home with him. Maybe that was where she needed to be all along, with a mother, someone who could nurture her. It wasn't a bad idea.

He had her pull her shirt up just far enough for him to see the stab wound. It was small, the knife was either a pairing or a utility knife the ghoul had obviously grabbed in a moment of blind panic. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at the clean cut. "I don't think you need stitches. Let me bandage it for now, then, when you get out of the shower, I'll clean it better."

"Gee, you think I need a shower?" she deadpanned.

He glared at her. "It's up to you. Personally, I don't enjoy wearing ghoul brains, but, hey, if you're down with that…"

She looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, okay."

He put a quick bandage on the wound, handed her the bag that had her initials on it, and instead of helping her walk, picked her up. "Hey! You brute! Put me down!"

"You weigh about an ounce, Krissy. Let me just carry you to the bathroom. Then you can handle everything else, okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, alright. The master bedroom is just here, off the kitchen. There's a giant bathroom in it." At his raised eyebrow, she continued; "We came and scoped the place out while they were at 'work'."

He followed her directions and stood her up against the sink in the bathroom. He walked over and turned the shower on for her. "How many were there?"

"Five," she stated distractedly as she looked through the bag he'd handed her.

His eyes shot to hers. "Five?"

"Yeah…why?"

"Because, there are only four bodies out there."

"Oh, don't worry, we got the other one yesterday morning. It's all good."

He blew out a breath. "Good. Thanks for clearing it up."

"My pleasure. Now, are you going to let me…?" she gestured to the shower where steam was beginning to billow out of it.

He blushed. "Sure. See you outside. Call me and I'll help you bandage your ankle before you get too far…" He walked out into the main house and looked around. Aiden and Josephine's bodies would need to be gathered and removed. He quickly walked up the stairs and found two other bathrooms. He ripped the shower curtains down. He took them downstairs, then went back looking for sheets. He found the linen closet and quickly found the right sheets for the job before he returned back to the bodies.

He made quick work of bundling them up, wrapping the duct tape around the sheets, securing it in place. By the time Krissy was calling him to come bandage her ankle, he was covered in sweat and blood, but the bodies were bundled so Krissy didn't have to see them. He'd seen enough death, had bundled enough family members to know how that could mess with your head. He didn't want her to have to experience that.

He bandaged her up and they raided the kitchen looking for food and luckily found stuff that hadn't expired. They ate a quick supper of sandwiches and macaroni and cheese, then, by the time it was dark, Sam got to work taking the two bodies out.

"Thank you, Sam," Krissy whispered as she leaned against him and he helped her to the door. "I couldn't have done this…"

"I know," he told her with a sad smile. "I've been on your end of it before."

She didn't speak further as he helped her into the car, nor, did she say anything as he built the funeral pyre at the edge of the woods outside of town. She didn't say anything until he held the matchbook out to her.

She took it and looked at the two bodies situated side-by-side on the platform Sam had created. "I'm so sorry, guys. I wish…well, there are a lot of things I wish, but I really wish you guys were still here. You were my family when I had none and we've seen a lot of bad things. I'll miss you both." She lit one match, then set the whole book on fire before tossing it onto the gasoline soaked wood. It caught fire rapidly and Sam glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Tears were streaming down her face but she didn't sob. To him, she looked tired and resigned.

They watched the pyre for a while before he tugged on her sleeve gently. "Come on. Let's go."

He helped her back to the Falcon and he slid behind the wheel. "What do we do from here, Sam? What do I do?"

He sucked in a breath. "Survive, Krissy. Just survive."

She was silent as he pulled away and they began their trek back to Kansas. She was quiet for a long part of the trip and when he glanced over at her an hour later, he noticed she had fallen asleep so he kept the music down low as he drove.

They were just coming out of Wichita when she startled awake. He glanced over at her and she murmured, "Sorry."

He shrugged. "You hungry?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay. Where are we?"

"About three hours from home."

"You have a home now? How did that happen?"

"Long story," he stated glumly.

She yawned and readjusted herself on the seat. "Sam, what happened to Dean?"

"Nothing good."

"Is he dead?" she whispered.

"No. Worse."

She didn't ask any further questions and he didn't elaborate. The rest of the ride was spent in awkward silence until he pulled up into the driveway. He turned to Krissy. "This is my house. I live here with a woman, Ryan, and her three kids. We'll tell you everything about the living arrangements, but you have to just…go with it, okay?"

Her eyebrow rose. "Sam, I'm not going to freak out over your morals. You can live with whoever you want…"

He laughed. "If only it were that easy." He waited for her to add a further comment, but she remained quiet and he stepped from the car.

He glanced up at the porch to find Ryan standing, waiting, with her arms wrapped around herself, bracing against the cold. "You should have stayed in bed," he chastised gently as he pulled Krissy's bags from the backseat.

"Please, like I could sleep knowing you were coming back tonight." She walked down the steps and helped Krissy stand. "Hey, I'm Ryan."

"Krissy Chambers."

Ryan smiled. "I've heard about you. You're pretty bad ass from what I hear."

"Yeah? I don't feel like it."

Ryan nodded, her eyes sad. "I know the feeling, sugar. Come on, let's get you inside. I've got something that will make you feel better."

"No offense, but I don't need any chicken soup. I'm not sick. I'm hurt and mourning."

Ryan gave her a one-armed hug as she helped the girl up the walkway. "Well, I figured that. Luckily I didn't bother making soup, well, I did, some Brunswick Stew, but I didn't figure you'd want it. No, I've got an angel in the wings to heal you a bit."

"Angel…Cas is here?" Sam inquired.

Ryan nodded. "Hope wanted to stay up and do it, but I told her 'no'. Cas popped down to ask a question about my background. He's gathering intel about Gabriel and the prophecies."

"Why?"

"He's as intrigued by them as we are, Sam. He knows we need more information."

"Well, if he can give us any, I'm game."

"Me too." Ryan helped Krissy up the stairs and into the living room where Cas was standing.

"Sam."

"Cas, man, how are you?"

"Good. I needed to ask a few questions of Ryan. She was quite informative…"

She helped Krissy to a chair then glared at Castiel. "Literally picking my brain for information? Yeah, I'd say it _was _informative! You did _not _need to know my favorite sex position with Dean!"

He winced. "I apologize. I didn't realize I was traveling to that part of your brain…"

"Voyeur," she murmured, "First the crack about my workout clothes this morning, then you're digging through my head for porn."

"I was not the only one aroused by your appearance this morning, Ryan."

"Damn it, Cas," Sam muttered under his breath.

Ryan looked from Castiel to Sam and back again before she just rolled her eyes and shook her head before muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Men."

"So, Cas," Sam began, trying to change the subject, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

He nodded. "Yes. I was able to tap into Gabriel's grace within her and use that to guide her thoughts where they needed to go."

"What are you guys going on about?" Krissy wanted to know.

Sam and Ryan shared a look and Ryan nodded. Sam looked at Krissy and said, "You want to know what happened to Dean? Then do I have a story for you."

"I can't believe it," Krissy said when Sam and Ryan finished their story. "So…you're Dean's baby mama, but you're living with Sam?"

Ryan nodded.

"And Dean is big daddy demon in Hell?"

Another nod.

"Whoa. I think I need a drink."

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "And just exactly how old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

"Horseshit."

Krissy sighed. "Eighteen."

"Just what I thought. No drinks except for hot chocolate. I make some really good hot chocolate. Can I tempt you?"

Krissy's lip quirked. "Yeah, I guess so."

Ryan moved to help Krissy when Castiel held up a hand. "Just a moment." He touched Krissy's forehead and she blinked as her wounds were healed.

"Wow. Thanks."

He smiled. "Go, enjoy your warm treat. I must get back to heaven." And with that, he was gone.

"Wow. Do you ever get used to that?" Krissy wanted to know.

Ryan shook her head. "Nope. Come on, kid. Let's get something warm in you, then, I'll show you to your room."

"Really? You want me to stay here? I mean, the angel healed me…"

"And who would you hunt with?" Ryan asked her softly. At Krissy's gasp, Ryan put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Look, I know. I get it. You've got to work past the loss of your friends, and that won't be easy. But you can't hunt right now. I know the Winchesters have done things differently in the past, but I don't work that way. You can't play through the pain on this. So, work through it, accept it, then, when you're ready, either me or one of the hunters we know will go out with you."

"But…I'm a kid, aren't I?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nah, you're underage, but you're not a kid. Stay with us, we'll help fill in the gaps in your training. Are you still in school?"

The girl blushed. "We, uh, we kind of dropped out…"

Ryan winced, but covered it. "Okay. So, we'll get you enrolled here. Our hair color is similar, we have the same brown eyes, you can be my niece. You can go to school with Hope."

"I…uh…I don't know what to say."

"Life isn't tied up nice and neat with a pretty bow, Krissy, but, give it time, it will all work out. Sleep on it, then, tomorrow, we'll discuss it some more. Then, the next day, or the next, or next week, or next month, we can go from there discussing your future."

"I'm a hunter. Do we _have _futures?"

Ryan shrugged. "I once heard a wise philosopher say something to the effect of, 'live like you were dying, plan like you're going to live forever'."

Krissy nodded. "Okay."

* * *

**December Twenty-Fourth**

**Ryan POV**

Surprisingly, Krissy had fit right into the family. She and Hope hit it off immediately despite the eight years age difference and she was also surprisingly good with kids. She played with Bobby and learned how to care for Jon. It was as if she were another child of Ryan's and she had to force herself not to "mother" the girl too much, but Krissy seemed to thrive on Ryan's attention and praise, so much so, that Ryan let herself go and began treating her just as she would Hope if she were older.

Krissy wanted to go back to school, too, so it was decided she would start as a junior once school was back in from the break. She admitted she had failed quite a few classes since Victor had passed away and Sam and Dean had left, so they figured that would be a good place for her to start. If she needed further classes, she could catch up, and if she was too advanced, they would cross that bridge when it came to it. Since she looked so young, it was easy to doctor her I.D. and her fake birth certificate so she wouldn't feel too old with her peers, either. She had taken one look at her fake I.D. and smirked, saying, "This has got to be a first…who gets a fake I.D. for someone _younger_?"

Ryan was nervous about the pending holiday. This was Sam's first Christmas without Dean. Granted, the boys didn't celebrate Christmas much, but Ryan, having children, was obligated to do the whole presents, Christmas dinner, Santa sort of thing. She had adapted what precious memories she had of her own Christmases with her parents before her mother's death, so now, they had traditions well in place. Sam had done well thus far. He'd helped them decorate the house with a modest artificial Christmas tree and had held Bobby up to the top of the tree to put the star on top, and he sang off-key with them in the car as they all belted out Christmas carols, but she was waiting for the fallout she was sure would come.

So, when Christmas Eve dawned bright and crisp, Ryan lay in bed for just a moment gathering her courage to help her through the next two days. Some days it occurred to her that she was the glue holding Sam together. And some days, it seemed to her that Sam was the glue holding her together. Somehow, some way, they'd found themselves stuck in this odd platonic relationship that almost felt like it should be more, but could never be. Occasionally, it confused the fuck out of her, but then she would think of Dean and realize that though he was a demon, and she would never be with him again, she would always stay true to him. Regardless.

A timid knock at her door roused her from her thoughts. "Come in."

Krissy poked her head in, but Hope threw the door open and dove onto the bed. "Morning, Mom! It's Christmas Eve!"

Ryan giggled. "Well, come on over, chickadees," she said on a yawn.

Krissy shut the door behind her and sat on the edge of the bed, but Hope was having none of that, clearly, and tackled Krissy to the bed and began tickling her and Ryan was all smiles as she watched the two interact. Her angel daughter was good for Krissy. She gave Kris a chance to act like a kid. And Krissy was good for Hope, because it gave her another girl, one who knew about being a teenager, to ask questions to. Ryan had noticed Hope had a lot of personal questions about being a teenage girl, and Ryan honestly couldn't answer all of them. Her teenage years were spent on anti-depressants, demonic nightmares, and suicidal tendencies. She frowned at her thoughts and forced herself to smile again at the two who were now lying on the bed with her, Hope in the middle. "This is nice," Hope commented as she pulled the covers up to slide under them with Ryan. "Come on, Kris. Snuggle in."

"Where are the boys?" Ryan asked. She'd gotten up to nurse Jon about two hours before, so she knew he'd be asleep a while yet, but Bobby wasn't much of a sleeper.

Hope shrugged. "Bobby and Sam are doing something. I didn't ask."

"That never sounds good."

Hope giggled. "No, probably not."

"So, Kris, today is Christmas Eve. Do you have any traditions you'd like to share with us?"

Krissy shrugged. "What's the point? I don't have any family left anyway."

Ryan was quiet a moment before Hope spoke up softly, "Of course you do, Kris. We're your family. I'm your sister. Bobby's your brother. My mom won't take your mom's place, but she's pretty close. And Sam can be your uncle, too."

"But, I'm not like, your real family, Hope."

"Of course you are. Family doesn't end with blood," Ryan told the girl. "Speaking of…" Ryan stood and walked around the bed and propped her foot up next to Krissy, showing her the new ink on her ankle. When she'd had Jon's name added and his birth date to her ankle tattoo a few days before, she had also had Krissy's name added as well.

Kris gasped and tears pooled in her eyes. "You…it's my name."

Ryan nodded and put her hand under the girl's chin. "And the day you joined our family. You're a part of us, Krissy. You're one of us."

She jumped up and wrapped her arms around Ryan, almost knocking both of them to the floor. Ryan hugged her tightly, patting her back softly, rubbing it like she would Hope's. She sniffled and so did Krissy. She pulled the girl away from her and cleared her throat. "Okay, enough with the chick flick moments, right?"

Krissy laughed and nodded as she scrubbed a hand across her face. "Yeah. I'm good. I'm done."

"Me too. Come on, want to help me bake cinnamon rolls?"

"Yeah! And we need to get the turkey on to cook, right?" Hope enthused.

Ryan nodded. Her family's tradition was to do a big dinner on Christmas Eve and then open presents from the family. Then, Santa came during the night, so they would play with the toys and cook a huge brunch the next day. She hadn't bothered asking Sam his opinion on the tradition, she could only imagine how he would respond…and the ball of dread was pitted in her stomach again. She should have suggested they go somewhere and buck tradition. But then Krissy had joined the family, and Ryan had thought she would be pregnant longer and it just got complicated, so she didn't bother mentioning it and now it was too late.

She sent the girls out and switched her pajamas for some jeans, a tee, and one of her softest flannel shirts, then put on a pair of thick socks before she walked downstairs. To her surprise, Sam was already in the kitchen, frying bacon.

Her eyebrows shot up and she smirked as she watched him. He'd gotten so used to her music and how she worked in the kitchen he must have automatically flipped on the iPod dock. He was warbling along with Elmo and Patsy singing about how Grandma got run over by a reindeer. She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorjamb. "You know, maybe we should investigate that case."

He jumped at the sound of her voice and turned to look at her. He was still in his sweatpants and a tee shirt. "What case?"

She walked into the room. "Grandma has been run over by a reindeer every Christmas Eve since like, 1979. Frankly, I'm beginning to believe it isn't an accident. I'm sensing a pattern."

He just glared at her a minute before his lips twitched. "Are you saying you want to gank Santa?"

She shrugged. "It may bear checking into."

He chuckled. "Good morning, Ryan."

She grinned. "Good morning, Sam. I take it you wanted to get the jumpstart on breakfast?"

"I'm hungry. You making cinnamon rolls?" he asked hopefully.

She giggled and moved to the refrigerator where she'd stashed the dough after she made it the night before. "Of course I am. Boy, for a guy that is a health nut, you sure like my cinnamon rolls."

"Hey, if you've got the buns, hun…"

She reached over and put her finger on his mouth. "No. Just…no."

He laughed and pulled her to him for a hug. "Merry Christmas Eve, Ryan."

She hugged him tightly before she pulled away and looked up into his eyes. "I thought it would be weird," she confessed softly.

"I've never had a happy Christmas, Ryan. Ever. So, this, with you and the kids? I'm excited." He let her go and turned, mentioning nonchalantly, "Besides, I got you a kick-ass present."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Is that so?"

"Yep."

She just smiled as she began gathering the stuff to make the cinnamon rolls.

That night, after a huge dinner of turkey, dressing, and all the trimmings, they opened the presents. Not surprisingly, there was a huge pile for everyone, including Krissy. "These…they're for me?" she asked cautiously as presents were piled around her.

"Of course," Hope said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're part of our family," Sam told her before he took a generous sip of the eggnog. Ryan smiled at him. He'd made a crack about the eggnog, something about spiking it, but she had just taken it and poured a generous dose of Kahlua into hers before handing him the bottle. He had taken it gratefully before dosing his own.

"Which one do I open first?" she asked softly.

Ryan looked over the packages before she shook her head and stood. She rummaged through the Christmas tree until she came out with an envelope with Krissy's name on it. "This one," she said as she handed it to the girl.

Krissy took it with shaking hands and somehow managed to rip into it. Her brows furrowed as she read, "It's from…the Men of Letters…"

Ryan smiled at Sam, who returned it. They had decided to get Krissy tattooed with the anti-possession sigil as well as the Men of Letters Aquarian star to match their own tattoos. Sam had gotten his on his left wrist under his watch, and Ryan had gotten hers on her chest, where Sam and Dean's anti-possession tattoo sat.

Krissy's eyes were brimming with tears as she whispered, "I'm in? Like, officially?"

Sam nodded. "You're in, Kris. You're doing great on your training. We still want you to continue school, but you'll be marked as one of ours as well as protected from possession. Since most of the demons are locked up downstairs, it's unlikely to happen, but to be on the safe side, we're requiring all our hunters to be marked."

"And now," Ryan added, "You'll be marked."

"Th-Thank you. I don't know what to say." She hugged both Sam and Ryan before she sat back down. Ryan sipped her eggnog and watched the kids open their gifts before she felt something slip onto her lap. She glanced up at Sam before looking down at the envelope. "What's this?"

"My gift."

Her eyebrow rose. "Okay. I'll bite. What is it?"

He smirked. "Look and see."

She ripped open the envelope and a newspaper clipping fell out. She looked at it quizzically as she read about the five deaths in Jackson, Mississippi. Her brows quirked and she looked up at him.

He smiled. "I think it's a shapeshifter."

"Sam…"

"Let's go, me and you. Let's go on a hunt. I talked it over with Krissy. She's going to be here. Jody's going to come and watch the kids."

She gasped. "When?"

"In a few days. We should be back by the time the kids start school."

"Sam…"

"I'm ready, Ryan. But I don't want to hunt without you."

She grinned. "Yes. Let's do it."

Four days later, they were pulling out of the driveway. They'd flipped for it and Ryan was in the driver's seat, all but vibrating with excitement.

Sam looked over at her and grinned. "Excited?"

"Are you kidding? I haven't been on a hunt in forever! I can feel it, the adrenaline pumping through my veins, the bloodlust surging through me…" At his raised eyebrow, she cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm excited."

He laughed. "Good."

"Music?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Whatever."

She punched the radio on and began channel surfing. She stopped it on "Bad Moon Rising" and hummed along with it as she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel of Demon. Part of her almost wanted to drive the Impala, but she knew Sam wasn't ready. She actually wasn't sure she was, either.

She grinned when the song changed. "Aww yesssss," she hissed in pleasure as ""Two Tickets to Paradise" came on and she started singing louder.

She heard Sam chuckling next to her and she cranked it louder. "Come on, you know you wanna sing…"

He rolled his eyes, but he belted out the chorus with her as they gunned it down the road toward Ryan's skewed version of paradise; the hunt.

The drive was tiring, but finally they managed to make it and Sam, who was now driving, eased them into a motel's parking lot outside of Jackson. Ryan smirked as she stood. "This is awesome. Dude, I think this is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten." She paused. "Wow. That's…that's kind of sad, isn't it?" But it didn't actually bother her. She'd long since given up the notion of being anything resembling normal. She smiled over at Sam, who looked cautious. "You okay, Winchester?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm good." She kept an eye on him, but he smiled. "Really, Ryan. I'm good."

She nodded as well. "Okay, then, champ. Let's get a room, get our shit started." She walked in and asked the bored geezer behind the desk for a double room.

"Two rooms," Sam corrected as he came up behind her.

She turned to him. "Huh?"

"Two rooms."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Come on, Sam. We live together, for crying out loud. A room with two beds is fine."

He crossed his arms.

She crossed hers as well. "Look, dude, it's a fucking room. Not a room we're gonna fuck in, capiche? A double is fine and it saves money."

He glared at her a moment before his shoulders slumped. "I'm not going to win this argument, am I?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

He blew out a breath. "Fine. A double, please."

The man behind the counter just looked at the two of them, shrugged, and handed Sam a simple ledger for him to fill out as he handed Ryan a key. She smiled at the guy and winked. "Thanks."

They drove around to room number seven and Ryan snagged her bags from the backseat before she made her way inside. "Hey! It's not too bad in here," she commented as she tossed her rucksack onto a bed. She glanced back at Sam. "You know, the room won't attack you if you enter it." He was hovering at the door.

"You know, maybe…"

She walked over to him and laid a hand on his arm. "Hey, you know, if you can't handle this, it's okay, Sam. Seriously." At the look of distress on his face, her voice softened even more. "Look, let's just start researching. You said shifter, right? Let's get started talking to people. If, after that, you still feel hinky, we don't have to do anything. I can call Tory or somebody else down here, one of the new guys, something…"

He sucked in a breath and stood straighter. "No. I'm good. Let's do this."

She smiled and nodded as she dropped her backpack with all her paperwork in it onto the table. "Okay, so…"

* * *

**Sam POV**

The next morning, Sam was awakened by Ryan's phone blaring a Halestorm song. He flipped over quickly and turned it off. He glanced over at her bed to find it empty. He glanced around, but she wasn't at the small kitchenette table. He wondered if she was in the bathroom, but he didn't hear anything, still, he knocked. "Ryan?"

She smiled and opened the door. "Yeah?"

Sam's eyes grew wide. "Holy shit. Sorry."

Her brows knit. "Why?"

"Duh. You're like, naked."

She giggled as she looked down. "I'm wearing a bra, underwear, and pants, Sam. I'm pretty damn dressed." She paused and her grin grew. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you've seen me much more naked. You did deliver my last kid. I can count on one hand the number of people that have seen my hoo-ha."

He shot her a bitchface. "You know what I meant."

She shrugged. "I'm getting ready to brush my teeth."

"In your bra?"

"I'm clumsy. Besides, I don't put on my shirt until I've finished my makeup."

"You're that messy?"

"Loose powder gets everywhere. I brought a silk shirt to wear under my power-suit jacket. No way in hell I'm getting powder on that."

He just looked at her like she was crazy, because, really, she was, and shook his head with a small eye roll. "I'll come back…" he began, but she pulled on his arm.

"Come on in, Sam. I won't bite."

He just looked at her. This time, she rolled her eyes. "Come on. We can save time and brush our teeth together. As long as you promise not to stare at my boobs the whole time."

He blinked rapidly, realizing he was doing that very thing. "Shit. Sorry."

She grinned. "Hey, they're tits, and they're fabulous."

"So glad you think so highly of yourself," he stated smarmily, causing her to grin. He watched as she wet her toothbrush and put her toothpaste on it before she paused and those laser beam eyes lit on his in the mirror. "Are you going to stare at me the whole time, or…are you going to brush your teeth, too?"

"Do I have bad breath?" he teased as he reached for his toothbrush and stole her toothpaste.

"I don't know," she said around her toothbrush. "Better safe than sorry," she managed as she continued brushing.

He chuckled as she spit, then continued brushing until she rinsed out her mouth. This was…well, it was one of the stranger things he had done with her. She reached across him for the mouthwash and she took a generous swig before she leaned back so he could spit into the sink.

She started humming as she swished the mouthwash around and it took him a second to catch the tune. "You can't go five minutes without music? Seriously?"

She tipped her head back and began gargling still in tune with Creedence's "Who'll Stop the Rain" as she winked at him.

He shook his head and smiled softly. It was a "Dean" sort of thing to do. It hurt, but he was getting used to her nuances by now. He often wondered, since she and Dean were so much alike, would they have actually made it as a couple? Or would they have killed one another? He would never know. But sometimes, it was fun to think about. Sometimes, when he couldn't go to sleep, he would envision Dean there with them, living this life with them, being a father to those three kids, hunting with him, working in The Bunker, Dean and Ryan going out hunting while he stayed with the kids, giving them alone time to just…be fucking happy for once. Had Dean ever been happy? It was something that bugged him. Sam had been, at Stanford, he had been happy. Happy-ish, anyway. He had been missing a piece of him, and that had been Dean. He'd missed his brother terribly while he had been gone. That time apart had been good for them, but at the same time, he wouldn't have traded their times together for anything in the world.

"Sam?" Ryan asked softly, pulling him from his reverie.

He blinked and realized he'd zoned out. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

He couldn't tell her what he'd been thinking, it would hurt her too much. Hell, it hurt _him _too much, so, he just nodded. "Thinking about this shifter. So…I think we need to go for a hike in the woods. Jackson isn't big enough to have much of a sewer system, so, I don't think it's hiding there. We can go check for caves, but it's very possible it is hiding in a house, pretending to be whoever's life it took over."

Ryan closed one eye and sent the other sky-ward, a sign she was thinking, and nodded. "Sounds good. I'll step out, let you finish your morning stuff, put my makeup on, then we can hop in Demon and take a drive. We can change at the rest stop off Interstate 55 after we question Mrs. Hopkins. Her story sounded funny. I think we need to take another stab at her."

"Literally?" he questioned with a smirk.

"Ha, ha, ha. Maybe we need to accidentally brush her with some silver…wait! I got it!" She ran out into the room and came back a few minutes later wearing a huge silver ring. "This will work. I'll make sure to shake her hand."

He glanced at the ring. "Pure silver?"

She nodded. "I watched them make it myself."

"What else ya got?"

"Oh, I've got jewelry out the ass, Sam. I also have a ring made out of iron. I use it with ghosts sometimes."

"And what? Punch them in the face?"

She giggled. "Nah, that wouldn't work. It would throw my balanced off if I punched too hard. But it's hella effective to throw at them. I usually wear it on a long chain and kind of, like, twirl it around? It sounds stupid, but it's effective."

"I bet," he mused with a chuckle.

"Okay, so…I'll finish getting ready out here. You…do your thing."

"What thing?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I dunno. Doing something with that hair might be a good start. Try using some of my mousse, Moose."

"Asshole," he muttered as she walked back out.

"You love me," she threw behind her in a sing-song voice as she sauntered away.

He couldn't help the smile. Yeah, he did love her.

"Ah! Fuck!" Ryan shouted as she tripped, slid, and landed on her ass into a pile of gooey viscera. "Ah, damn it! For fuck's sake!"

Sam stopped long enough to grab her hand and haul her up as they continued running. "Having a fun time?"

"Are you kidding?!" she shouted, barely winded as they ran. "This is the best fucking Christmas present I've ever gotten!"

"We seriously need to reevaluate your standards!" he yelled as he kept running, making sure to match her strides as they ran for their lives.

She let out a giggle as she quickly stopped and grabbed a lower branch and hauled herself up into a tree. They'd planned this. The shifter was smart, but so were they. Sam continued running before doubling back and smiled as he saw Ryan drop down onto his doppelganger, stabbing it quickly in heart.

He smiled as he stopped. "Damn. We make a good team." Ryan smiled up at him before she frowned. "What?" He was still riding the high. This was old school hunting. No demons. No angels. Just monsters killing people. It was amazing.

She shook her head. "It's stupid."

His brows knit. "What?"

She let out a hysterical little laugh. "Nothing. I just…" She ran a soft hand over the shifter's face. "I didn't like killing you, Sam."

"Luckily, you didn't."

"Yeah, but…" Her voice trailed off and he smiled.

"Hey, Ryan, it's okay. Dean and I have killed each other a few times, well, technically, he has. Between shifters, Leviathans, I mean…it's okay. Seriously."

She sniffled and he was surprised to see tears brimming in her eyes. "I know, I just…" she laughed flatly. "I'm being ridiculous."

He slung an arm around her shoulder and began leading her away from the body. It could sit out there in the damn woods and rot for all he cared. "Hey, we did good," he told her as he pulled her tight to him.

She looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "'We did good'? Dude, I'm buying you some grammar lessons when we get back home."

"Smart ass."

She wrapped an arm around his waist, recoiling slightly as she touched some of the goo that was on his jacket. "Yuck. We need showers. Pronto."

"You more than me," he conceded.

"Hey! I don't smell like a smelly, sweaty man."

"No. You smell like the shit that shifter left behind."

Her nose wrinkled. "Good point." She sighed and tucked herself more tightly into him. "We did it, Sam. We hunted together. How do you feel?"

He thought a moment as they continued their jaunt toward the car. "Good," he stated finally. "I feel good, Ryan. Like…we're supposed to be doing this, you know?"

She nodded. "Me too."

"But, I tell you this; I'm eager to get back to those kids."

She hugged him tighter. "Me too," she confided.

"Well, let's shower and hit the road. We can always stop if we get tired."

"Sounds like a plan, partner."

Partner. Yeah, they were partners. He liked that idea.

* * *

**May Twentieth**

**Ryan POV**

"Do you have the list?" Ryan asked for the third time as they got out of the Expedition.

"Yes, damn it, Ryan, I've got the list!" Sam groused.

"Look, last time we went to the grocery store, you forgot the list! With the kids, and the Men of Letters and the new hunters we're getting in, and Krissy going off to hunt with Tory as soon as school lets out over the summer, to everything else in my life, I can't remember what groceries we need and last time we forgot to buy milk and diapers!" She paused to catch her breath before she added, "And those are kinda important."

Sam sighed and grabbed Jon out of his car seat. "I have the damn list!" he replied heatedly.

"Good. Because I've got the coupons. Remind me why we don't keep them together?"

"Because, if we forget one, we still have the other?"

She grinned. "Right." She unbuckled Bobby from his car seat and helped him down. She grasped his hand so he didn't go running through the parking lot. "Alright, let's go."

"Cans I wide in tha cawt wif da stewing wheew?"

She smiled. His speech came and went. Some days, he could speak completely clearly and others, well, others, she felt like she was a translator. "You want to drive, big man?"

"Yeah! Dwive it wike I stowed it!"

Ryan giggled. Ever since Sam had told him to drive his little battery operated jeep he got for Christmas like he stole it, the kid had been using the line every chance he could.

"Okay," Sam stated as he parked Jon in the double steering wheeled cart. He handed the baby his brown sock monkey and Ryan handed Bobby his blue one as Sam picked up Bobby and sat him in the cart. Both boys put their thumbs in their mouths, looking even more alike than usual. She snapped a quick picture of the two of them and smiled. Sam handed Ryan the grocery list from his pocket. "Let's do this."

Shopping had become an interesting experience to say the least. She had fun doing it, though, and surprisingly, Sam enjoyed going with her. So, they had dropped Hope off at school together that morning and had brought the boys to the grocery store. Usually, Sam took Bobby to preschool and came back to get her to go together to the bunker for a few hours, but since Jon had woken early due to the fact he was teething again, Ryan decided it was a good enough time to go to the grocery store. Jon was almost seven months old and he was growing like a weed. He was doing everything early, just like Bobby had. He was sitting up and rolling over already and he was so close to crawling, it was making her head spin.

She, too, was doing well. Since Cas had healed her from the birth, and she was training again, she was in the best shape of her life. Sam eagerly worked out with her and the two began running together, taking turns pushing the boys in the double running stroller at the park. Now they were both in prime physical shape. They had hunted, too, since Christmas. Just a few times, together. They hadn't taken the Impala, though. Sam still hadn't gotten a car, so they had used Demon to hunt the shapeshifter after Christmas and a vengeful spirit over a long weekend in late January, then Cas had called them in on a rogue cupid in February. March had been quiet, but Sam had surprised her with a vetala hunt for her birthday. For his birthday, she had gone a different route, taking him to a Pearl Jam concert and out to dinner, just the two of them. It had been nice. Strange, since they had to find stuff to talk about that wasn't the kids or hunting, but it had been stimulating for both of them.

They made their way through the store without incident. They had become a unit, her and Sam. "Catch," she commented as she threw a bag of marshmallows at him.

He caught them deftly and glanced at the bag in his hand. "What are they for?"

"Me!" Bobby stated as he grabbed for them.

"Nope," Ryan stated as Sam moved them so Bobby couldn't reach. "They're for the s'more brownies I'm making for dessert tonight."

"Yay!" he crowed and Jon, who liked to do everything his big brother did, clapped along and jabbered.

"Ut-oh. I gots to pee," Bobby spoke up suddenly.

Ryan and Sam glared at each other and both landed in a fighting stance as their eyes narrowed. Ryan smirked at him as they counted. "You're on," she muttered as they threw out their signs. "Yes!" she crowed as her paper wrapped Sam's rock. "I'm moving to the ethnic foods isle for the stuff for the tacos. See you in a few," she replied as she lifted Bobby out of the cart and sat him on the ground.

Sam sighed and grabbed Bobby's hand. Ryan giggled lightly as she continued down the isle, tossing a brownie mix in the cart.

"Those two boys are precious," an older lady at the end of the isle stated.

Ryan smiled. "Thanks. I'm pretty lucky."

"What are their names?"

"Robert Gabriel and Jonathan," Ryan told her. They had decided to keep calling Bobby by his first name for now, but she had the feeling once his memories started resurfacing, he would go back to his real name. The thought didn't bother her quite as much as she thought it would.

"Biblical names. Are you religious, dear?"

"More than you know," Ryan muttered under her breath. But to the older woman, she just smiled. "I have a daughter, too. Hope."

"Gorgeous. Is she as pretty as her mother?"

Ryan's smile grew. "She has some of my physical attributes, but she looks a lot like her father."

"And speaking of, you've got a nice looking man, too," the woman told her with a wink.

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "NO!" At the woman's startled expression, Ryan laughed it off. "No, I mean, he's…he's my brother-in-law." _Close enough. After all, Dean and I are technically married. _That one had been something she had sat and stewed over and kept to herself. Besides, it didn't make any difference, anyway."Their father is in the military. He's deployed right now." It was the lie she had been telling for a while now. Most people bought it without a second thought.

"Oh, sorry, dear. The two of you seem so close."

Ryan smiled. "We are. He's…he's really stepped it up for me. Especially since I'm raising my niece, too. Four is about three too many to handle by yourself some days."

The woman chuckled. "I remember those days, raising my children. You love them good, young lady."

Ryan winked at her. "Yes, ma'am. I intend to do that very thing."

She continued on down the next isle and a few moments later, Sam and Bobby reappeared. "Did everything come out okay?" Ryan asked as Sam sat Bobby back in the cart.

"Mommy! That's wude!"

She mock-gasped. "It is not rude, Bobby! I was just making sure you're good to go."

The little boy giggled. "I's fine."

Ryan nodded. "Good. Glad to hear it, buddy."

They continued their shopping and Ryan didn't give the old woman another thought until they had dropped Bobby off at preschool, put Jon down for a nap, and brought all the groceries in. "Oh, want to hear something funny?"

Sam shrugged as he put something on the top shelf of the pantry. "What?"

"Some old lady at the grocery store thought we were together. Like, together, together."

Instead of laughing, Sam was quiet.

"What?" she asked.

"Why aren't we?"

Her brow furrowed and she wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Huh?"

"Why aren't we? I mean…he's not coming back, Ryan."

Her eyes narrowed as her nostrils flared. "Sam…" she warned.

He held up a hand. "Hear me out for a minute, Ryan." She waited. "Okay, look, he's not coming back. We've resigned ourselves to that. Cas says he's busy downstairs and I believe him. We haven't heard anything about demons in months, so he's doing something right. He's not coming back. You're alone, Ryan. Let me…"

"No, Sam," her voice was soft as she tried to hold it together. She _knew _Dean wasn't coming back, but that didn't mean…

"But…"

"Not just 'no', but hell no, Sam!" she shouted. "You can't be serious!"

"Why not? We can go down to the courthouse, get a certificate…"

"Wait. Wait." Her brain wasn't processing this. "Seriously? You're…you're saying we should get _married_?"

"Well, yeah. Why not?"

"Uh, how about because we don't love each other that way for starters."

"But we _do _love each other, Ryan," he implored.

She gasped out a breath as she thrust out her arms exasperatedly. "Well, yeah, but not like _that, _Sam! We love each other like siblings!"

"So? I mean, I'm not asking for you to have sex with me, Ryan!"

"Well, good, because I can't!" Her breath caught in her throat. "I can't, Sam. I'm broken, damn it! You know this! I can't be with anyone else." She looked at him. "But you can. You _can._ I don't want you to be ruined for someone else! I want the same things for you Dean wanted! I want you to get married, have kids, grow old, damn it!"

"I _have _kids, Ryan. Your kids! And, so, you love me, I love you…we don't need…"

"You need more than I can give you, Sam. I love _Dean_. Not you, not like that. I'm sorry if you thought maybe I did…"

"No, I didn't, Ryan. I just thought…"

She walked over to him then and placed a hand on his cheek. "I do love you, Sam. So much. You're my best friend. You're like the brother I never had. But that's all, okay? I want you to go out and find someone, someone that loves you for you."

"What if there isn't anyone?" came his bitter reply.

She smiled. "Well, then, we'll be silly about it."

His brow knit. "What do you mean?"

She licked her lips. _Am I really going to suggest something so ludicrous? _But when she opened her mouth, the words came tumbling out; "Five years. Get yourself out there. Start dating, Sam. If, after five years, you haven't found anyone, I'll consider your ridiculously stupid proposal."

"Seriously?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't see the point since I'm never having sex again, but, yeah, why the hell not?"

He pulled her to him for a hug and he kissed her forehead. "You've made me the happiest man in the world," he stated with a sarcastically gushing voice.

"You talk about me, but you're the sappy little bitch, Sam."

He smiled softly. "Yeah? Well, you're a jerk, Ryan."

She blinked then smiled, too. "Hey, I've been called worse."

Later that afternoon, Ryan smiled at the baby nursing in her arms. Jon was doing everything early, but he still needed nourishment in the form of her milk. _My, how life had changed_. She wasn't certain it was for the better, but it was her life, and she was living it to the best of her abilities.

She moved the baby and burped him before carrying him into the kitchen to put him in his bouncy chair on the floor. Jon, was seven months old now, and she assumed due to his demon blood, he was more advanced than her other kids had been at this age, but she was hopeful they could maintain control over his character…quirks.

He was growing rapidly and was beautiful, just like her other children. She wasn't certain how she knew, but she felt sure he would be identical to Dean in every way. It was poetic, she thought. Hope looked like Dean but had Ryan's eyes. Bobby looked like Ryan but had hazel eyes, more like Sam's, but she had the suspicion Jonathan would look just like his father. _Including his eyes_, she mused. She sighed as she thought it. Already she had seen them blink black when he got angry because she didn't get him to her breast quickly enough to eat, or he had sat in a wet diaper for longer than he deemed necessary or Bobby had taken a toy away from him. The first time it had happened, she had screamed and almost dropped him, but they had flickered back quickly enough and she felt ashamed of her reaction. After that, she got used to it, and wondered how on earth she would teach him not to flash them when they were in company. As it was, she kept him away from everyone else save their family and close friends. She knew it would get harder as time went on, but she would manage.

"Mom!" she heard from the foyer and smiled as she heard the door open and close. "I'm home!"

Ryan walked through the kitchen door to look at her daughter. Even though she wasn't yet officially a teenager, Hope already looked like a young lady. She was growing up before her very eyes. The angel grace was, no doubt, helping her along in a lot of ways. Though the girl was only eleven, she looked like she was at least fourteen, and her brain was continuing to develop. Her daughter was not normal. She was an angel; one whose power grew with each passing day. "Hi, Hopey. How was school?"

Hope wrinkled her nose. "Eh, it was school. Am I going to the bunker today? Kris dropped me off. She said she had study group."

Ryan inclined her head. "She told me about study group, so that's fine. And to answer your question, no. Annie and Jody are coming over for dinner in a little bit. Ann only had a half day at college and Jody took the afternoon off, so they're driving down. You're free to go to your room for a while."

"Thanks!" Hope said with a hug to her mother before she walked up the stairs.

She heard Demon rumble up the drive and smiled as she saw Sam grabbing Bobby from the car seat in the back. Yes, their lives were more complicated, but they worked.

Living together…worked. Despite the utterly ridiculous rant Sam had gone on about earlier in the day, their life together worked. It was boring and wonderful and it scared Ryan because she kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and even word from Cas about how well Dean was doing did nothing to ease her discomfort of the thoughts of accidentally seeing her soul mate again.

"Honey, I'm home," Sam said with a grin as he stepped through the door.

She chuckled and swooped Bobby up in her arms for a giant hug. "Come on, Bobby, let's get ready for supper. I need you to help me chop up the onion. Want to see Jody and Annie?"

"Yeah!" the little boy clapped.

Ryan was glad she had gone along with Sam's suggestion of putting the little guy in preschool. He may be an archangel, and he might have vampire blood, but outside of being a phenomenal climber and more than a little light on his feet and strong for his age, as well as having impeccable hearing, he hadn't manifested any powers, either. And they frequently did a fang check on him, which was always negative. She and Sam had spent countless hours researching vampire children, but The Men of Letters didn't have any information on them, so they assumed he was a one in a million, which had led to Sam saying she should have named Bobby "Renesmee." Ryan almost regretted popping his shoulder out of joint after she beat his ass two weeks ago. Almost.

She walked back into the kitchen and Bobby stopped at Jonathan's bouncy seat. The littlest Winchester was chewing on a toy. She didn't know when that tooth was going to make its appearance, but it needed to desperately because he was miserable about half the time.

"Hey, Jonafan!" Bobby enthused before giving his brother a sloppy kiss on the forehead, causing Jonathan to start kicking his legs and blabber in baby language.

Ryan shook her head at her boys and continued getting things ready. They were going to have tacos, Hope's favorite, and she was making her homemade Pico de Gallo. She didn't know what Sam was up to, and didn't think anything about him when the doorbell rang. Just then, Jonathan started crying, so she bent to pick him up as she heard Sam call out, "I got it, Ryan!"

She picked up the baby and walked to the foyer again just in time to hear Sam gasp. "Meg?"

Ryan's brows knit and she looked around Sam to see the woman, shorter than her, standing on their front porch. "Hey, Sam, how's kicks?"

"Meg…what are you…how did you…?"

Meg grinned. "Looks like your brother's got a soft spot for me."

Ryan swallowed hard. She didn't need to see the woman's eyes flicker to black. Even if she hadn't known who Meg was, she could almost smell the brimstone on her. Meg was most definitely a demon.

"What do you want, Meg?"

Meg smiled. "Can I come in?"

"Devil's trap," Sam stated simply, and stepped out onto the porch.

Ryan, despite her fear of being in such close proximity to the demon, followed him, but not before calling out for Hope to come downstairs.

Meg glanced around Sam to smile at Ryan and the baby. "Huh. You move fast, Sambo."

"Meg, this is Ryan. Ryan, this is Meg. Now you know each other. What are you doing here?"

"Just checking up on you. Deano made me a knight. Nifty, huh?"

Sam's eyebrows rose. "Dean made you a knight of hell?"

Meg smiled. "Yep. He wanted me to pop topside and check on ya, see if you're doing okay."

"We're fine, thanks."

She eyed Ryan again. "So I see. Kid yours?"

"What? No. Of course not."

"Huh. Didn't see you as the type to go for a ready made family, Sammy, but then, well, I guess you needed one since I've got most of your family downstairs with me, huh?"

"I know the knife won't work, Meg, but I will put a devil's trap bullet in your head if you don't shut the hell up, right now," Sam ground out.

She held up her hands. "Hey, no offense or anything, just stating a fact, Sam."

Ryan felt Bobby come and wrap his arm around her leg and just then she felt her daughter's calming presence behind her. "Hope, take the boys upstairs."

"Mom…she's a…"

Ryan nodded. "I know."

"Did D…"

"Yes," Ryan stated hurriedly. "Dean sent her. It's okay."

The girl eyed the demon a moment longer before she grabbed Jon from her mother, snagged Bobby's hand, and walked back into the house, shutting it behind her.

"Cute kids," Meg commented.

Rage overtook Ryan and before she realized it, she had the smaller woman pinned to the porch railing with the demon blade at her throat. "You scare my kids, bitch, you'll have a fight on your hands," Ryan promised, poison eating into her words. "See? The knife won't kill you, but it _will _cut your head off. It's a lot harder to do your demon work without a head!"

"Ryan," Sam warned softly. "She didn't come to hurt us. Dean sent her."

Ryan's eyes were still narrowed and she didn't release the woman in her grasp.

"Ryan, Dean would never hurt the kids," Sam implored. "You know he wouldn't, no matter what. He won't hurt any of us and neither will Meg."

"Yeah," Meg managed. "I'm like a fluffy little bunny."

"My ass," Ryan spat. She eyed the demon carefully before she released her.

Meg rubbed her neck gently, though Ryan knew she probably hadn't felt any pain. She smirked. "See ya later, Sam. Like I said, just wanted to drop in, check on ya," and with that, she vanished.

Just then, Hope came back downstairs and opened the door, her angel blade in hand. "Are you two alright?"

Ryan gasped in a breath as the fear left her. She didn't need to be afraid again, did she? She couldn't. She couldn't handle it. So she smiled at her daughter. "Yeah, we're fine. I guess Dean decided to send his regards."

Hope's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment before Ryan pulled her daughter to her for a hug. "It's fine, sweetie. He'll want to protect us, not hurt us."

"Promise?" Hope inquired timidly. Ryan hadn't been the only one to have nightmares once it was revealed that the man they loved most in the world was the thing she was most terrified of. Even knowing before Ryan did hadn't made Hope immune. She was, after all, still a child, even if she was an angel. She had normal things like nightmares.

The dreams were the toughest. Even now, Ryan would find herself in the middle of an excellent dream about Dean, one that would have her dripping in sweat and panting as the orgasm seemed to wrench itself from her by brainpower alone. Only then, the dream would turn to a nightmare as his eyes flickered to black and then…well, the dreams turned to something less than wonderful. She shivered despite herself. "I promise, sweetie," Ryan whispered into her hair where she planted a kiss.

She sent Hope back upstairs to do her homework. Hope had laid the baby down for his nap and Bobby was playing in their room, so Ryan told him he could come downstairs and watch a little TV while Jon slept and he eagerly sat down to watch Wallykazam, his new favorite show, while Ryan continued cooking and Sam picked up his tablet for some research.

"So," Ryan stated, "I got the stain out of your white dress shirt." Sam had worn it to Hope's school play. She had gotten one of the leads in "Spring Awakening". She did, after all, have the voice of an angel.

Sam looked up at her and grinned. "You're a miracle worker, Ry."

She let out a snort. "Well, I can't have my subordinate federal agent looking like a slob, now can I?" She had such a demanding presence, he usually let her run point during the investigations. It had somehow become an inside joke with them. "However, next time you want a salad with French dressing, wear a damn bib, Sammy." She didn't call him 'Sammy' very often, but occasionally, it slipped out. The first time, both of them had cried, but then he said he liked it. He said he figured she would have called him that if she had been with Dean anyway. It still hurt when it slipped out, but it was getting easier.

He shot her the bitch face and looked back at the tablet in his hand. "So, get this…I don't think that Wendigo in Wichita is a Wendigo."

She let out a grunt as she stood on tiptoe just inside the small pantry door. She wanted to make Mexican Rice, but he had put the groceries away in the pantry while she handled the refrigerated stuff and now she couldn't reach the box. "Well, what the fuck is it? Damn it. Hey, Samsquatch, come help me!" Ryan called as she tried to reach.

Sam chuckled and stood from where he was sitting at the kitchen table to stretch around her, brushing up against her intimately to reach the red box. She had long since gotten over him making her nervous. Yes, he was huge compared to her, especially since he was working out so much, they were both now in the best shape of their lives. They sparred together, and that made her even more comfortable. At first, he went easy on her until she almost hurt him seriously. After that, he hadn't held back. Now, they were fairly evenly matched. Even though he had strength and height on his side, she was wiry, sneaky, and more than a little mischievous. She played dirty and that was usually what caused her to win. Yes, she was comfortable around him, and Cas, as well, but she knew, somewhere deep inside her, that only one man would ever be able to touch her intimately. And that man was gone to her now.

"Here, Shorty."

She swallowed the sadness as she thought of Dean and stuck her tongue out at Sam and he grinned. "You love me," he stated knowingly.

She rolled her eyes. She did. He was like the little big brother she never had. "You know, I'm actually fairly tall for a woman, Sam. It isn't my fault you're a giant. Next time you put away the groceries, put them where I can reach them."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He paused and grinned. "You know, it seems as though your two little guys will be taller than you. Hope's already on her way."

Her face softened as she thought of her boys. Hope too, for that matter, was quickly shooting up, taller than her height of five feet, seven inches. "I think so, too. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to be the shortest one of all of you."

"Eh, well, it could always be worse."

It was their go-to. 'It could always be worse' had become their mantra. And it was true. Dean was a demon. It could be worse; he could be evil instead of ruling Hell. Everything in their lives could be so much worse. They'd both seen worse. This…this was a good life, one they were living almost to the fullest.

She turned then to the stove to stir the black beans and asked, "So, if the Wendigo in Wichita isn't a Wendigo, what is it?"

"I don't know. All my research leads me to believe it's a hoax."

She thought a moment, then asked, "You want to take Hope out on a little field trip? Let her stretch her legs?"

His tone held nothing but surprise. "You want me to take her?"

She smiled tenderly. She loved how much he cared for her kids. "Sam, I trust you implicitly, you know this. I trust you with my life, her life, the boy's lives. Of course she can go with you."

"It could be a shifter," he warned.

She nodded. That thought had crossed her mind. They had considered giving this case to Tory but she'd caught her own case. Besides, Ryan knew also, Hope needed this. She knew she could handle the hunt. Hope's reaction time was spot-on and her body was now ready for the physicality of a hunt, even if she was a little young. Dean and Sam both had certainly been younger than Hope when they began hunting, and they didn't have angel juice backing them up. Hope needed to prove herself. "I know. But I've let her stay too safe. She needs experience. She's a teenager now, or almost, in any case, older than you were when you first started hunting. She's better trained than either of us was when we started. Anything I lacked in her training, you've made up for in the past few months. If it's a shifter, let's let her see if she can handle it." She paused. "As long as you can protect her."

"You know I can," he stated gently. "I love those kids more than my own life, Ryan. You know I do."

She nodded. Of that, she had no doubts. Sam had taken his role as their uncle quite seriously, filling in the missing spot Dean's absence in their lives had always left. Sam was _not _their father, she realized it, he realized it, the kids realized it, but they were all making the best of the situation and had all grown from it. She smiled. "Alright. Let's let her spread her wings."

He snorted and she held in the grin. Her angel daughter. She was her daughter. She was Hope. She was most definitely Dean Winchester's blood, as well as her own. The rest didn't matter.

"She'll be thrilled as all hell," Sam stated. "You know that, right?"

She walked over to him and laid a hand on his arm. "We love you, Sam. All of us. You're the best thing that's happened to me and the kids in a long time." Just then, she felt something, something cold overcome her, almost as if a ghost had entered the room. She turned quickly and glanced around. The lights flickered and thunder boomed outside and she jumped.

"Is it supposed to storm?" Sam wondered aloud.

She shivered again. For a moment, she almost felt…whole, like Dean was standing right there beside her, but it was gone, and in its place was cold nothing. "I don't know," she answered finally. "Maybe."

"Huh." He shrugged. He glanced up at her and smiled. "Hey, I love you all, too, you know that, right? I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Besides, I've got to look after my brother's woman and his kids, right?"

She shook her head as she felt the ghost of that cold loneliness creeping inside her again. "I'm not Dean's, Sam. I never was."

He grabbed both her hands in his and her eyes shot to his. They were hazel today, more the color of Bobby's eyes than the green that haunted her. "You _are _his, Ryan. He might have never been yours, but he owns you as surely as if he held your soul in his hands. It's fine."

She sucked in a breath. He was right, she knew. She would never love another man. Gabriel had doomed her to a lonely life. She could only trust Dean with herself. It was fine, she accepted it, but that didn't mean she wanted the same fate to befall Sam. Their argument from that morning was still fresh in her mind.

She cleared her throat. "Jody will be here soon. Let's get everything ready."

He dropped her hands and she felt that coldness within her only grow.

Two days later, Ryan eyed her daughter, who was currently vibrating with excitement, out of the corner of her eye. After much discussion with Sam, Ryan agreed she should be the one to take Hope out for her first hunt. It was a badge of honor, one they wouldn't get back again. It had made Ryan nervous, but she agreed with Sam. Truthfully, she had wanted to be the one to take Hope out for her first hunt. It was a big deal. "Rules?" Ryan asked.

Hope sighed and rolled her eyes. "Be on guard. Keep my flare gun out in front of me. Listen."

"And most important?"

"Don't die?"

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, that one is a good one. You ready?"

"Yes, Mom."

Ryan pulled the car into the campground and looked at Hope. "You know, the attitude isn't necessary."

"It's probably nothing, though, Mom. It's too far south and too warm for a Wendigo. You and Sam are just, like, letting me try. It's not really anything."

Ryan pursed her lips. "Something is killing campers, Hope. Two deaths."

"That may or may not be a wild animal, Mom."

Ryan sighed. "Look, even if it's a run of the mill wild animal? You still have to be safe. We don't know how developed your angel mojo is and you could still die, honey."

Hope nodded solemnly. "I know, you're right. I get it."

"Good."

"So, are we going camping?"

Ryan chuckled. "How else will we find a Wendigo? Grab your gear. We're hiking in."

"Yes!" Hope shouted as she grabbed her backpack from the backseat.

Ryan rolled her eyes and stepped from the car. They were planning an overnight stay. She had the small two person tent and each of them had a sleeping bag. Sam hadn't been thrilled with the thought of them staying in the woods, but, considering that would be their best way to find the creature, quickly, she had narrowed her eyes and asked if he was questioning her hunting skills. That had effectively shut him up.

"This is so awesome, Mom!" Hope crowed as Ryan walked to the trunk.

She looked at the girl again. _I can't believe I'm taking you hunting…_ "It's a thrill a minute for me," Ryan stated sarcastically.

Hope smiled and wrapped her arms around Ryan's waist. "Come on, Mom. I'm not a kid anymore."

"You're not an adult, either," Ryan reminded her gently, but tapped the girl's nose. "I'm your mom. I'm nervous, okay?"

The girl bit her lip and then whispered, "I am, too."

Ryan blew out a breath. "Good. Nerves mean caution and caution means safety. Go with your gut, but don't run in guns blazing. I'd like to teach you a bit better than your dad would."

"That would have been cool, to learn with Dad and Uncle Sam." Upon realizing what she'd said, the girl's eyes grew wide. "Not that I don't like learning from you!" she began backpedaling, but Ryan laughed and hugged the girl to her again.

"I get it, Hope. It's fine. Don't worry about it. I'd love for you to have learned how to hunt with them, or with all three of us, even."

Hope was solemn as Ryan grabbed the additional gear they would need, handing Hope her flair gun, which she tucked into her waistband, and the silver knife Sam had presented the girl with for Christmas the year before. Their first Christmas together. Ryan smiled softly as she remembered it. She grabbed her compound bow and silver-tipped arrows, sticking them into her oversized backpack, and they headed off, down the trail.

"You're quiet now," Ryan observed thirty feet onto the trail.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

Hope sighed and stopped. "I miss him. How can I miss him? I don't even know him."

Ryan's heart ached and she knelt down on one knee to look up at the girl whose head was down. "Hopey…"

Hope looked at her and Ryan hated seeing the girl's brown eyes brimming with tears. "I mean, I know, I know, he's…he's busy and all, and he's, you know, a _demon _now, but, he's still my dad. I wanted…I knew when I accepted Gabriel's deal I wouldn't have a dad this time around. And that was okay. It's great. You're the best mom, like, ever, but now that you and Sam have started talking about him, I realize what I've missed, you know? And I just…I just want to see him again, hug him, tell him it's okay, I understand he's doing the best he can, something…"

Ryan felt a tear slip down her face. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry." She grabbed Hope into a bear hug and held her tightly a moment. She rubbed her hands down the girl's fat braid and tugged it gently before she continued down to Hope's back and patted it gently. "Honey, I know, if he knew about you, demon or not? He'd be here." She pulled the girl away from her to look at her again. "Dean may have a lot of faults, but he was always great with kids. If he knew about you guys? There is nothing, and I mean _nothing _in Heaven or Hell he wouldn't do for you kids."

"He isn't for Sam," Hope pouted lightly.

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek, but nodded. "You're right. But I talked to Castiel. He said the reason Dean is staying away from Sam is because he wants to keep him safe, to keep him away from the monsters that almost destroyed him before. He doesn't want to make him into a monster, too. And knowing your dad? I'd say Cas is right and that's the very reason Dean doesn't come to see Sam."

"It's not fair. You guys say he always said family is so important. Well then, why can't he be here? He walked out on his family."

Ryan winced. This wasn't the first time Dean had walked out on his family for their own good. She thought of the girl's half-brother. Poor Ben had gotten it worse than Hope. Granted, Ben had Dean for a year, but then that was taken away from him. At least Hope had Sam and her and Cas. Ben had nothing. Not even his memories. "Honey, occasionally, grown ups are dicks. We think we know everything. We think we're doing what's best. And your dad? The biggest dick of them all. Doesn't mean I don't love him, though, or love him any less because of it. He thinks he's doing what's right. And he is. This is how he can be King and not be evil, by protecting Sam, and us."

"When can I see him again? When can we tell him? When…?"

Ryan shrugged. "I honestly don't know, kid. These prophecies Cas is working on? Jon being the ruler of Hell, eventually, Bobby ruling Purgatory, you upstairs, I don't know when it's supposed to come to pass. But one thing is for sure, when the time is right, we'll make sure he knows."

"This blows."

Ryan chortled. "I know, babe. I know." Ryan smiled at her daughter. "But, hey, we're hunting a wendigo. Your first hunt! Come on. Let's take a picture to commemorate it."

Hope rolled her eyes, but smiled as Ryan pulled out her phone and snapped a picture. Hope snatched the phone from her mom and took a picture of Ryan. "You're so pretty, Mama."

Ryan just rolled her eyes. "Sure, kid. Because hunter chic is _so_ in this season."

Hope giggled. "Well, plaid, denim and leather _is _the look of safety."

"Indeed," Ryan mused. "Come on. Let's hit the trail. I want everything set up before we start the hunt. I'd love to kill this thing before it gets dark."

Hope's eyes widened. "Like, right now?"

Ryan glared at her daughter. "This thing is most active at night. I'd like to catch it before it gets really geared up, you know?"

Hope swallowed hard and nodded. "Is it true that wendigos used to be humans?" Hope asked after they'd resumed their walk.

Ryan shrugged as she glanced around. The camping area was surprisingly quiet. "That's what the lore says. They became monsters when they turned to cannibalism. Now, I don't know, obviously some hoo-doo must have been involved to transform them, but, it's not the first time I've heard of someone becoming something else based on what they eat. A lot of shamanism is based on spells and eating the organs of animals to extract their powers. Your dad and Sam had a case like that not too terribly long ago."

"When Dad turned into a dog."

Ryan chuckled. Sam had regaled them with the tale a time or two. What she would have given to have seen that. She briefly wondered if Dean would have tried to lick her. Or possibly hump her leg. Honestly, she wouldn't have had a problem with either. She cleared her throat. "Yeah. Exactly."

Hope giggled. "That was hilarious. Wish I could have seen that."

"You and me both, kiddo."

They were quiet then as they continued their walk off the path, out into the woods. She had the map in her bag memorized and she knew where she wanted to go. There was a small clearing about a mile off the path, but it was near an old bear cave. The cave had been abandoned when bears migrated away from Kansas, but it was still there. She had the feeling it was probably where the creature was holed up, but she wasn't certain. She wanted them to get everything set up and ready, first.

They arrived at the campsite and it took no time for them to get their gear situated. "Okay. Let's get our stuff together."

They quietly began looking through their weapons, making sure everything was where they could easily reach it. "Thanks, Mom," Hope said suddenly. "For this," she elaborated when Ryan looked at her quizzically. "And for trusting me to hunt with you."

Ryan leaned over and kissed her daughter's forehead. "I love you, sweetheart. I'm still not one hundred percent certain why Gabe wanted you three to learn to hunt, but I'm glad you are learning anyway."

"Well, I guess he couldn't say I shouldn't learn to hunt when it's obvious he will need to be the best hunter, ruling Purgatory."

Ryan shivered. The things she had read about the place scared her to her toes. "Well, at least Eve isn't still alive. Your dad and Sam killed her."

"I can't believe Dad let her bite him!"

Ryan had told Hope some of her father's stories, but now that Sam was here, he could fill in the gaps The Gospels left. "Your father is impetuous."

"He's awesome," Hope breathed.

Ryan nodded with a small smile on her face. "Yeah, he is."

They were silent then as they began moving toward the cave. Ryan had prepped Hope as best she could. Now, she would have to let the girl do her own thing. "Remember," Ryan whispered, "Don't trust listening for my voice. It can mimic, you know."

Hope nodded quickly and Ryan could see the fear warring with the adrenaline in the girl. Ryan smiled despite the fear in her heart that one of them might get hurt. Hope needed this.

They crept closer to the cave and Ryan's brows knit as she heard chanting. Hope looked at her with an expression mirroring her own and Ryan shrugged but held her flame thrower aloft anyway as they edged to the entrance. Ryan made a hand motion and Hope nodded. They'd been over this, they'd practiced drills, they were ready…just not ready for what they found.

They breached the door of the cave and Ryan gasped as five pairs of black eyes stared back at them. Ryan yelped as one grabbed her and shoved her into the wall with their power.

"Well, well, well, a hunter and a hunter in training? Interesting," the woman said as she moved closer. Ryan's eyes cut to Hope and found her pinned as well and Ryan's heart fell into her stomach.

"What are you two doing here?" At their silence, she yelled, "Speak!"

"H-hunting a wendigo," Hope told her softly.

The woman's eyebrow rose. "Well, well, well, aren't you just at the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"It's you. You were the one doing the killing. The disappearances. They didn't really fit with a wendigo, but we weren't sure. We had to know. Three disappearances and two bodies. I didn't think demons ate people."

The woman shrugged and motioned to the other four demons who were devouring a body across the way. "You'd be amazed what we will do to survive. Especially since our new _King _has changed the rules."

Ryan's heart stopped, then beat at double time at the mention of the king. "New King?" she asked nonchalantly.

The demon sneered. "Yes. He has all these rules and regulations. Personally, I'm glad we were still topside. He wants to lock us all up down there! No! We will _not_!"

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Demons are human souls who've been tortured. Looks to me like you need to go back to hell, bitch!" Ryan shouted.

The woman twisted her hand and Ryan felt it, as if she were clenching her heart. She gasped and tried to catch her breath. "You stay put. Let me get a look at the little girl…"

"No…" Ryan wheezed as the woman walked over to Hope.

"Oh, aren't you pretty? Boys, look at this sweet little thing. She's adorable."

"I'll kill you, bitch!" Hope snarled.

The woman cackled. "Oh, I love it! The little kitten swatted at me. She thinks she's a lion." She grabbed Hope and put her hand around Hope's throat.

Ryan felt such rage run through her, she could taste it, all smoke and ion and thick like blood. Then something miraculous happened. She found she could move, ever so slightly. She focused her energy, her hate, and she all but leapt down from the wall and stabbed the woman with the demon knife.

The woman's insides lit orange as the flames of hell flickered out of her. "Don't touch my daughter," she spat.

That was when the other demons noticed Ryan had gotten loose and they began circling. "Hope, got your blade?"

Hope extracted her angel blade from her pant leg, where Ryan had made a holster for it and nodded. "Yep."

Ryan grinned. "Let's light these bastards up."

Hope's eyes glowed angel blue for a fraction of a second before she smirked. "Let's do it."

They had practiced these movements as well, and quickly backed up to each other as the four demons approached them and they became synchronized as they pivoted, ducked, and fought for their lives.

One, then two demons went down. Ryan had just pulled the knife out of the third one and glanced Hope's direction. She saw the girl was starting to wind down, so she snuck over and sank the knife into the thing's back. It howled and dropped.

Ryan and Hope stood there panting, staring at one another before they both smiled. "Good work, kid," Ryan praised her.

Hope smiled tiredly but then she asked, "Mom, what did you do?"

"When?"

"How did you get out from under that demon's power?"

Ryan shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know. I just…it was hurting you and I couldn't let it. You're my daughter."

"But…Mom…you're human. You can't break a demon's power."

"Others have," she mused. "Your grandfather, and Bobby, both, overcame a demon possessing them."

"But, Mom, this wasn't possession, this was outward power, not inward."

Ryan shrugged again. "I don't know, kid. Come on. Let's get out of here then we can call it in to 911."

"They don't deserve it. Leave them," Hope spat.

"They were human, Hope. Their meatsuits were people, just like me. It's not their fault they were violated in such a way. They died today. Don't discount their lives or lump them in with the demons."

Hope was silent a moment. "I don't think Dad or Sam care about the bodies, do they?"

Ryan paused and thought a moment as she tried to figure out what she wanted to say. Finally, she settled on, "Honey, once you've seen and done all they have, it makes you hard. It hardens your heart and it skews your thoughts. It makes you less human. It happens."

"We need to remind Sam of that. Make sure he doesn't become a monster."

Ryan nodded. "I think we've already done that. We're giving him a home, a family, a life besides hunting. I call that a win, sugar."

Hope nodded. "Yeah, I think so too."

Ryan smiled and put her arm around Hope's shoulders. "Come on, kid. Let's go. We got the monsters. You wanna camp, or you wanna go home?"

"Let's move our campsite and camp tonight."

Ryan laughed. "Okay, Renegade. Just like when you were a girl scout?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

* * *

**AN2: S****o...Who loved "Ask Jeeves"? *raises hand* I LOVE Clue, so I totally geeked out during the episode. Plus, we had some great zingers from every character. Those cougars after Sam? Yes and please! And man, the end...Dean, baby, that Mark ain't done with you yet, sugar. I'm so excited! Such a great episode. Love those MotW ones! So old school SPN. Love it. **

**Until next chapter, my loverlies! **


	20. Back in Black

**DISCLAIMER: Hi, everyone! Nope, I still don't own SPN. I do, however, own a scale that has tipped higher thanks to a wonderful dinner on Turkey Day. LOL**

**AN: Hello out there! Sorry I didn't get this posted sooner. The holiday was crazy busy for me. Hopefully this long chapter will make up for the fact! Lots happening in this one! **

**TRIGGER WARNING: Brief discussions of rape/torture/demon possession and suicide. Wanted to make sure to let you all know! **

* * *

**June Twenty Sixth**

**Ryan POV**

Ryan yawned tiredly as she heard the phone ring in her purse. She had just gotten Bobby to bed. Since it was summer, she had let him stay up later than his usual nine o'clock bedtime and his fourth birthday was in just a week and a half. She groaned as she thought of all the work yet to do regarding that. Jody and Ann were coming down, plus, Kris and Tory would be coming in as well. The house would be full, but it would be a lot of fun. Now, however, it was about time for her to sit down with a glass of something alcoholic. After she answered the phone, of course. She let out a growl at the persistent ringing, but walked to her bag on the entry table. They had a dedicated line for hunters in need and she kept the phone on her all the time, just in case someone needed her.

The phone continued ringing and she hurried to grab it. To her surprise, it wasn't the smart phone with all the MOL hunter contacts on it, but rather, Dean's ancient flip phone. She had begun carrying it around with her. Her hands were shaking as she answered it, half afraid of who might be calling on it. "Hello?"

"Yes, who is this?"

She sighed. A woman. Well, he didn't give his number out to too many women back in the day, so it narrowed the field a bit. "Who are you looking for?"

"I need to speak to Dean Winchester."

"May I ask what this is in regards to?"

The woman sighed, clearly irritated. "Look. Is this Dean Winchester's phone or not?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed at the tone the woman was sending her way. "Yes. This is his wife. Now, what do you need?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, ma'am. It's been a long day. My name is Irene Hayes here at Indianapolis Memorial Hospital in Indianapolis, Indiana. We have a boy in here by the name of Ben Braeden. Dean Winchester is listed as his next of kin…"

Ryan felt her heart plummet. "Y-Yes, that's his son. They're…estranged. Dean is overseas. He's in the military. Can…is Ben okay?"

"You say Dean is out of the country?"

"Yes. I'm his wife," she stated hurriedly as she slipped her boots on. Ben was in trouble. Where was Lisa?

The woman, Irene, sighed. "Ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Ben's mother, a Lisa Braeden, was killed in a car crash tonight. Ben was with her. He received multiple lacerations as well as a broken leg and a fractured wrist."

"Oh, no!" Ryan gasped as she sank to the stair. She heard Sam come down the stairs and she looked up at him with wide, sad eyes. "So…what do I need to do?"

"We will need you to come and collect Ben. He has no other kin listed."

"He has a cousin, I believe…"

"No. I don't have any of those records. The only records I have is Dean Winchester listed as his father. I can look, surely, and he can go into protective services until such time additional family is located…"

"No!" Ryan shouted into the phone. "He's our family. He should be with his family."

At Sam's quizzical look, she shook her head and held up a finger for him to wait a moment.

"Very well. When can you be here?"

Ryan quickly totaled up how long the drive would be and sighed. "I can be there around midmorning, lunch at the latest."

"Very well. He's just coming out of surgery. He needed a pin in his leg."

"I'll be there." She punched the 'end' button and looked up at Sam. "I've got to go."

"Ryan? Who was it?"

She bit her lip, but it didn't help and she gasped as the sobs wracked her. That poor boy…she remembered the loss of her mother. Not so much right when it happened, due to her extensive injuries at the time, but later, when she was healing, the only thing her eleven old self wanted was her mom. She felt Sam's arms wrap around her and she flung her arms around his waist as she sobbed into his chest. _Poor Ben! Ben, sweet Ben…why? Why does this have to happen to you? _"It's Ben," she managed when she calmed down and pull away.

"Ben…Dean's Ben?"

She nodded. "There was an accident…"

"Lisa?"

She shook her head. "He's all alone, Sam."

"You told them you were Dean's wife?"

She nodded. "It's true, sort of, I mean…" She ran her fingers through her hair. "God, Sam, what are we going to do? How are we going to help him? He doesn't know…"

"Cas," Sam called softly. "Cas, we need you, man. It's Ben, Dean's kid…"

The pain came sharp as Sam callously mentioned Ben's paternity, but she swept it under the rug. She didn't have time to handle that right now.

The flutter of wings had her head popping up. "Sam? What is it?" Castiel asked softly.

"It's Ben Braeden. His mom was just killed in a car wreck. He's hurt…"

Cas nodded. "I will bring him to you at once…"

"No," Ryan stated hurriedly. "Don't, Cas. He needs a few minutes. He needs…" She drew in a sharp breath. "His mom just died and now he's going to be thrust into our lives and we're complete strangers."

"Of course you aren't strangers. Well, Ryan, you are, but Sam, he knows of you. He knows you are Dean's brother."

"But his memories…"

"I only took them for a few days," Cas replied. At the quizzical glances Ryan and Sam were sending his way, he sighed. "Dean was wrong to steal that from them. I am sure you agreed, Sam. I did it, but I did not take their memories permanently. Their memories trickled in slowly until they were all restored."

"Why did they think he left, then?" Ryan asked softly.

"I returned and explained it to them."

Sam's eyes narrowed. "What did you say? No offense, Cas, but your head wasn't exactly in it at the time. You were busy trying to become God if I'm not mistaken."

Cas nodded. "This is true. But you do know I only wish for you and your brother's happiness, Sam. I could not leave them believing Dean had abandoned them. I gave them protection from the monsters as best I could, made sure Crowley knew they were out of Dean's life and thus, not a bargaining chip, then, I went to them."

"What did you say, Cas?" Ryan implored quietly.

"I told them Dean left for their own good, that he didn't feel he could be a hunter and a protector of them, that he couldn't bring his work home with him. I told them he felt he had to be out there killing, and that he felt he didn't deserve happiness, and that he would probably never stop." He paused and looked at Ryan gently. "I told them the truth; he loved them, very much, but he couldn't stay."

She took a stuttering breath. Yes, Dean loved Lisa. She had always known it. He had never loved Ryan. But that was okay. She had the love of his children. And now… "Can you not reverse this? Bring Lisa back to life? You've done it before…you did it with me, Cas."

He nodded. "I can, yes, Ryan, but you have to understand, the book of life and death has been restored. The reapers are busy doing their jobs and the fates are helping to re-establish order. There are only a handful of names on the list to bring back."

"Names? List?" Sam's face was a mask of confusion. "Cas, what are you talking about?"

Cas sighed. "There are a few people that are instrumental in the world. They are to be brought back to life regardless of any situation. Lisa's name is not on that list. You are to go to Ben and bring him back here and train him. It's as simple as that."

"Train…Cas, Dean didn't want him to be a hunter!" Sam shouted.

"And Dean is not in charge of the boy's welfare, not anymore. And neither are you, for that matter, Sam. As his step-mother, it is Ryan's job to decide what is best for him."

"Step- Cas, Ryan is not his step-mother!"

She winced. She had failed to tell Sam about Cas' proclamation of her and Dean's marriage in the sight of Heaven.

"Of course she is. She is Dean's wife. She can…"

Sam laughed. "Come on, Cas, that's just what we tell people! It's not like they're really married!"

"Yes. They are."

"Cas."

"Sam."

"Both of you, just shut the hell up!" Ryan growled. They both looked at her and she sighed as she rubbed her temples. She so didn't need this right now. She looked at Sam and she hated seeing the hurt and confusion on his face. And to think, she was about to make it worse... "Sam, Cas told me that once Dean and I…consummated our relationship, as soul mates, we're married in the eyes of Heaven. And we have been for, like, seventeen years or something, since that night in college."

Sam looked floored. "You're shitting me."

She smiled sadly. "I shit you not, my dear. I'm sorry."

"And you failed to tell me because…?"

She looked into his eyes. "Because, I didn't want…I don't…it's not like it's a real marriage, you know? It's a sham, Sam. A fake. I mean, it might be real upstairs, but down here? It doesn't mean shit."

"Apparently it means something," Sam told her in a flat tone.

She ran her fingers through her hair. "Look, I need to go. I've got to hit the road if I'm going to get there…"

"I can fly you there," Cas reminded her gently.

"And how are we going to get home? You going to mojo us back, too?"

"I can, yes."

She was exhausted already and she had to drive almost twelve hours to get to Indianapolis, but she needed this. Ben needed this. She couldn't imagine how he must be feeling. His whole life. Gone. "I appreciate the offer, Cas, but I think we need the ride. He's going to need to acclimate and that should give him time, give him about a day to just…" She sucked in a breath. "Look, this is big. He's going from being an only child to the oldest of four…it'll be a huge adjustment."

Cas inclined his head. "Of course. You are right, Ryan. I will take my leave. But if you need me, call me and I will come. The prophecy is now on my priority list. I am in charge of you all, your safety, meeting your needs, being whatever you need whenever you need it…"

At that, Ryan smiled. "I didn't know you were our 'Beck And Call Girl', Cas."

Sam snorted and Castiel's head cocked to the side like he was thinking. Then, he smiled. "Ah, yes, the movie about the prostitute. I do not believe I fit that description, though. I am neither a woman, nor a whore, Ryan."

She bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Cas, man, we have got to work on the concept of jokes, dude."

He smiled. "But if you are laughing, are you not enjoying the banter?"

"I'm enjoying laughing _at _you, Castiel," she shot back.

"Well, if it alleviates your stress for a moment, I am more than happy to be the butt of your joke."

She put a hand on his arm, then shook her head as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She laid her head on his chest. "Thanks, Cas. You're awesome."

He returned the hug, still somewhat awkwardly. She had noticed he wasn't really quite certain _how _to act around her yet. "As are you, Ryan."

She pulled away and looked at Sam. "Let me grab my go-bag. I don't know, I guess I'll just take Demon…"

Sam shook his head. "No. Take the Impala."

She gasped. They started her, sure, but neither of them felt right driving her. "Why?"

"Ben knows the car. It…it'll give him comfort, Ryan. Take it, let him …I don't know."

She licked her lips nervously and then nodded. "Okay."

"Mama? I'm coming with you," Hope stated as she came down the steps, her go-bag on one arm, her mother's on the other.

"Hope…"

"Mom, I overheard everything. Ben will need me. I don't know how, I just know."

"You won't heal him though, Hope," Ryan told her. "Not right yet. His mind will be all over the place. He needs to get it situated. He's going to have issues with a lot of crap, okay?"

Hope nodded. "I know. But I think I need to be there. I'm…I'm in a different place than you. He might see you as a threat. I'm a kid. He can lean on me if he needs to."

Ryan placed a hand on her daughter's face. "You are a kid, an unknown one to him. What makes you so sure he'll bond with you anyway, Hope?"

The girls smiled. "I'm his sister. Why wouldn't we bond?"

Ryan nodded in acceptance. She didn't want to take the trip by herself, to be honest. It wasn't ideal, but what was? "Okay, kiddo. Cas is going to take us to the bunker, then we'll grab the Impala."

"I am?" he asked.

"We are?!" Hope all but shouted. She had been dying to ride in it, but Ryan had always told the girl 'no' because Sam had never been ready to drive it.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. We're taking Angel Air flight 101 to the bunker, then we're taking Baby and hitting the road. It's a long trip, at least twelve hours. I'm only stopping for pee breaks, gas, and a metric ton of caffeine."

"Okay." The girl hugged Sam, as did Ryan, and they both stepped to the angel.

Ryan stiffened her back. "Cas, if you would…"He laid a hand on them both. She looked at Sam and smiled. "Take care of my boys."

"You got milk stored in the freezer, right?" he questioned.

She nodded. "Yep. Don't drink it."

He shot her the bitchface. "Don't worry."

She was still laughing when they appeared in the bunker's garage. She sobered quickly when she looked at the car. The last time she'd sat in it was when she was pregnant with Jonathan. Usually they had Hope or Krissy crank it. Krissy had wanted to drive it, but both the adults and told her a resounding 'no'. She hadn't pouted, though, especially not when Ryan went out and bought the kid an old Jeep Wrangler. They'd made her a small weapon's cache in the back and customized it for her. Of course, it was sitting in the bunker's garage right now since she was traveling with Tory, but it was here for when she came back in the fall, after her summer of hunting.

Hope had missed the girl something dreadful, so much so that Ryan was going to allow Hope to go off for two weeks hunting with the girls in the end of July. Hope was thrilled and Ryan was pretty sure Tory was, too. She had missed spending time with Hope and Hope had missed Tory, too. Ryan still hadn't seen or heard from Andy again, but Tory had kept Ryan informed about her other friend. Apparently since the demons were on the decline, Andy had begun teaching more often and hunting less. Ryan was glad for her friend even if they still weren't speaking.

"Are you alright, Ryan?" Cas asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.

She turned to him. "Y-Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Cas walked in front of her and looked at her quizzically. "I have not seen you since your first hunt with Hope. Something has changed within you."

"Cas, man, is now the time?" she asked as she saw Hope walk over and put their gear in the backseat of the car.

"What have you done, Ryan?"

She blinked and focused on his worried face. "What are you talking about?"

"You are different than you were."

She shook her head. "You've lost me. I'm still the same as I always was."

His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. She felt like he was examining her soul. Hell, maybe he was. He actually walked around her, studying her. She stood still and let him, not speaking until he was back in front of her. "What's up? You're making me antsy."

"I need to examine you more fully when you return."

"Wh-Why?"

"The stain on your soul has grown. Minimally, but it has grown."

"The stain…the demon stain." _Fucking fabulous, _she thought sarcastically.

"Yes."

"Cas…I'm not…" She couldn't even form the thought, much less, the word.

"Oh, no, you are not a demon, by no means. And thus far, you're still slated for Heaven when you die. But this stain…it is quite disturbing."

"You're telling me. You aren't the one wearing it. Is there a way we can Clorox my soul or something?"

He put his hand to his chin in thought. "I will conduct some searches in Heaven, see what I can find out. You will be fine, Ryan. I am certain of that. I will see you when you return with Benjamin." She blinked, and he was gone with a flutter of wings.

She squared her shoulders and walked toward the car. She didn't have time to think of demons or soul stains or any of that crap. She had her head full enough as it was.

She opened the driver's side and sat down behind the wheel. She closed her eyes for just a moment and breathed in the air. You could still almost smell Dean there. For some reason, it reassured her instead of made her feel sad. For the first time in a while, she was comforted by his things. She opened her eyes and smiled. She glanced over at the passenger seat at her daughter. "You ready?"

Hope smiled. "Mama, I was born ready."

Ryan cranked the car and closed her eyes again as the engine purred. She ran her hand lovingly over the steering wheel. "Well, Baby, I'm not Dean, but how about we go get his son, yeah?"

She gunned the engine and tore out of the garage.

Hope fell asleep quickly once they got on US-36 and slept until they drove across the Illinois border. She woke with a start and Ryan smiled as she pulled into a gas station for a fill up and a couple of snacks as well as some much needed caffeine.

They walked in together and the guy behind the counter said, "Nice ride you got there."

Ryan smiled as she glanced out at the car. She was proud to be driving Dean's baby. "Yeah, she's a keeper."

"Mama, I got you some Combos. I know they're your favorite," Hope told her as she came up behind Ryan with a bottle of milk and a bag of Doritos.

Ryan smiled at the girl. "Thanks, kiddo." She yawned and paid. She filled the car with gas and they took off once more.

"Want to find some music?" Ryan asked as she popped the cassette out of the radio after taking a sip of her coffee. She hated black coffee, but it would keep her awake for a little while longer, at least. She handed it to Hope, who looked at it and handed it back to her mom. Ryan's eyebrow shot up and she grinned. "Alrighty then." She popped it back in and "Back in Black" came blasting out at them.

Ryan drummed her thumb on the steering wheel and tapped her left foot as they cruised down the road, singing along with the chorus as Hope did. Suddenly, Hope burst out laughing. Ryan's brows furrowed. "What?"

Hope just shook her head.

Ryan smiled at her daughter. "I'm missing a joke?"

"It's not funny, Mama."

"But…?"

"It's…it's Back in Black…Dad's a _demon. _His eyes are black. Get it?"

Ryan sighed. It wasn't funny, but there was a certain comical edge to it. She chuckled flatly. The kid had her and Dean's morose sense of humor, that much was for sure. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's only fair. His favorite band is AC/DC. He took the highway straight to Hell, didn't he?"

Hope was silent a moment as "Shook Me All Night Long" came on. Finally, she said, "Mama? Do you think…I mean…he's _not _evil, even though he's a demon, right?"

Ryan nodded. "He's more…bad than good, I guess, but I don't think he's evil. Not like the monsters that hurt me when I was your age."

Hope was quiet a moment more and Ryan could almost hear the wheels turning in the girl's head. Finally, Hope sighed. Ryan cast a glance at her. "What?"

"I just…I remember, Mama. I remember seeing you as a little girl in the hospital. I didn't know all the things they did to you, but it was bad, really bad, wasn't it?"

Ryan turned the music down and nodded solemnly. "Yeah, it was. It almost ruined me. _Did _ruin me, actually. If it wasn't for Gabriel, and then Dean, I wouldn't be here right now."

"You wanted to die."

"I _tried _to die, Hope. There's a difference. You can want to die for one reason or another, but when you take that risk, trying to end yourself…it's a dark path, sweetie."

"I can't imagine it."

Ryan bit her lip in thought before she finally said, "I'm glad you can't, to be honest. I hope you never feel that bad." She sucked in a breath. "In most cases of suicide, a person doesn't want to die, they really don't. They just…they just want the pain to end."

"Did you?"

Ryan inclined her head. "Yeah, I did. Between the nightmares, reliving all those things, to the fact I didn't have anyone to talk about them to, to the fact of the mind numbing fear they would come back for me…yeah, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to go back to how I was before. I wanted…" She blew out a breath. She couldn't do this. Not now. She thought of Gabriel, of all the conversations they had, in her head, when he was possessing her. "You know, I don't want you to ever feel that way, but, as sad as it is, I think Gabriel did. He understood me in a way no one who hasn't contemplated ending their life has." That thought saddened her. "I'm glad he's getting another chance at life now, in Bobby." She loved Gabriel. They shared a bond no one could imagine. Sometimes, now that she knew what it was, she could almost feel his grace within her. Of course, now she had this demon thing to worry about, but she was hopeful his small amount of grace inside her would keep her safe.

"Is he really going to Purgatory?" Hope's timid voice brought her out of her musings.

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know what's in the cards for you guys. Neither does Cas, for that matter. That's why he's doing research."

"You think it will change things? How I feel about them? How much I love my brothers, them being in different places? Us all being so different, fundamentally?"

Ryan smiled. "Honey, if there is one thing I know for sure, it's the fact that Winchesters stick together. So, no, I don't think it's going to change a damn thing. Matter of fact, I think ya'll are destined for this _because _you're Winchesters. We value family, blood or no."

Hope smiled. "I'm glad you lumped yourself in with us, Mama."

Ryan chortled. "I've got the blood, kid. Your dad gave me some of his blood, remember?" She had told Hope the story of Dean giving her a blood transfusion the day of the vampire attacks.

"I don't think that's exactly how that works, but I'm glad none-the-less."

Ryan smiled as Hope started singing again and they continued their journey.

They pulled into the hospital parking lot a little after noon the next day. Ryan had been less than thrilled by the accident on the interstate that held them up for forty-five minutes and had put the pedal to Baby's metal to make up for time. She slid into a parking spot and quickly walked to the automatic sliding door with Hope trailing behind her. She dashed up to the counter and said, "I'm looking for Ben Braeden. I'm his step-mother."

The bored looking volunteer clicked a few buttons on her keyboard then looked up at Ryan. "Name?"

"Ryan Fawcett. Winchester. Ryan Winchester," she stated, then just barely held in a gasp. Never, in all of her time of playing at being Dean's wife, of changing the kids' last names to 'Winchester', to pretending to be an FBI agent or whatever else she needed a fake name for, had she ever used his last name. It sounded like it belonged. Of course she was supposed to be Ryan Winchester. What else would she be called?

The woman sighed. "Very well. I'll have someone come talk to you." She glanced behind Ryan. "The kid with you?"

Ryan was tired, irritated, and more than a little stressed, so she quickly blurted out, "Nah. Saw her hitchhiking a few towns back, decided I needed a good mule for my drug operation." At the woman's startled glance, Ryan sighed and rolled her eyes before they narrowed. "Yes. She's with me. This is Ben's sister." The "duh" was implied in Ryan's tone.

The woman sent her a sour look and punched a few buttons on her phone. She spoke briefly to whoever was on the other end, then she said, "Someone will be with you shortly. Have a seat over there." She gestured with her head to the small padded bench against the wall.

Ryan raised her eyebrow but didn't comment as she walked over to it and sat down. Hope followed suit and after she sat, glowered at the woman. "Gee, who peed in her cornflakes this morning?"

Ryan looked at her daughter and burst out laughing. She gave her a little one armed hug and said, "I love you. Thanks for that."

Hope shrugged. "It's true. She's more sour than those lemon candies you like so much."

Ryan bit her lip to keep from laughing again and put her head back against the wall, closing her eyes for just a moment.

"Mrs. Winchester?" a soft feminine voice said a few minutes later.

Ryan yawned and opened her eyes. "Sorry, that's me. It was a long drive."

"I'm sure. I'm Irene."

Ryan surveyed the slim, older woman and stood to shake her hand. "Pleasure. Now, when can we see Ben?"

"In just a few minutes. We just have a few things to go over, first."

Ryan followed her to her office where they discussed Ben's care. He would be in the hospital at least one more day thanks to the concussion, but then she could take him home. She gave Ryan all the instructions to get him followed up back home and finally, she led Ryan to Ben's room. "How is he?" Ryan asked softly as they walked down the hall. "Really? How is he doing?"

Irene sighed. "He's angry. So angry. Right now, he's sedated, but earlier, it wasn't pretty. I told him you were coming. He had a few choice words to say."

Ryan nodded. "I bet. Don't worry, I can handle him."

"I hope so. He's going to need a lot of love and attention to get past this."

Ryan didn't speak as they stopped outside of the door. "Do you want me to go in with you?" Irene asked her.

Ryan shook her head. "No. I'm good. Hope, want to stay outside for a few minutes?"

Hope sighed. "Okay. But if you don't come out to get me, I'm coming in."

Ryan chuckled. "Deal." She sucked in a breath, and walked into the room.

The boy lying on the bed was similar to the one she had seen years ago, but not very. Gone was the kid with the chubby cheeks and the quick smile. In his place was a sullen teenager that had just lost his whole world. She tapped on the doorjamb and his head turned quickly to the door before he winced.

"Sorry to wake you," she said as she approached the bed.

His eyes narrowed. "Hey, I know you…Joan Jett."

She smiled. She had forgotten that was the alias she used on him and Lisa the one time she met them. "Yeah, that's not my name."

"Didn't figure it was."

She stood there just looking at him. He had Lisa's dark hair, but those eyes…they were green, much greener than the last time she'd seen him. It was quite easy to see the Winchester in him. "Ryan. Fawcett," she told him finally.

"You're the one coming for me. You're a hunter, right?"

She bit the inside of her lip before she nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"Are you his flavor of the month?"

"Ben…" she began softly. Oh, that sweet pain he was going through. It was the Winchester Curse if she'd ever seen it.

"Why didn't Dean come? He doesn't care enough now that he found out the truth? That I'm really his kid? No surprise, really. I mean, he played at being my dad for a year. Now that he finds out he really is, he has no use for me, right? I'm just dead weight. An albatross around his neck, I suppose. So, what? He's sent you to be a nursemaid?"

"Ben, stop."

"You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mom. My mom is…" he stopped and swallowed hard. "Look, I know, I'm a minor. I get it. Just give me 'til next May, then I can go off on my own…"

"And what, Ben? What will you do? Where will you go?"

"I'll think of something," he stated bitterly.

"Just like your father," she seethed quietly under her breath. "Look, I know this isn't ideal, but I can look after you."

"Where is Dean?" he demanded. "Or Sam? Somebody I know!"

She licked her lips nervously. "Dean is…indisposed. Sam couldn't come with me and I had to be the one to come get you…"

"Why? It's not like you're really Dean's wife. He made it perfectly clear he didn't want any family."

She nodded. "Yeah, you're right. He didn't want to hurt anybody. He thought he was poison. He thought he wasn't worth being a part of a family. He didn't think he deserved the apple pie life. So, he left to keep you safe. Boo-hoo. You've got issues, I get it, kid. I've got some of my own." The room was suddenly stifling and she took off her plaid over shirt.

His eyes narrowed at the ink and scars on her arms. "Did you do that?"

She let out a snort. "Yeah. When I was your age. Demons messed me up as a kid."

"Is that why you're a hunter now?"

She inclined her head. "In part, yes. In part because of Dean."

"Are you another of his conquests?" Ben inquired bitterly.

She crossed her arms. "Stop it right now, young man. I'm not your mother, but I know she taught you better than that. I know you have more respect for women than that."

"Do I? My dad was apparently a misogynistic prick who only loved 'em and left 'em. What makes you think I'm not cut from the same cloth?"

Her eyes narrowed and her palms itched so bad she had to ball hands at her sides. If that spiel had come from an adult, she would have slapped his face. "Is that what you think?" she breathed. "Ben, Dean _loved _Lisa. He loved you, too, you ungrateful brat. Do you know how much it killed him to leave you? If he'd loved me half as much as he did her…" she cut off her words as an errant tear ran down her cheek and she looked up at the ceiling as she tried to control her emotions. She sucked in a breath as she closed her eyes and blew it out slowly. She looked at him sadly. "Sorry. I didn't come to argue with you."

"Where. Is. He?" Ben demanded.

"In Hell!" she shouted. At his alarmed look, she took another breath. "He's in Hell, Ben."

"Wh-Why? He was always a good guy! He didn't deserve…"

She shook her head. "Some people get a bum rap, kid. Don't feel too bad for him, his life could be worse."

"How can you say that? Can't Sam get him out of there? I mean, he's a douche, but that's no reason…"

She smiled despite herself. "Guess you don't hate him too much, do you?"

He crossed his arms, then winced. "Nobody deserves that. Not even dicks that run out on their family."

At that, she nodded. "You're right, they don't. But it's the way of life. Dean made a bad decision for the right reason. Story of his damn life. It ended him and it ended up with him down there. But seriously, don't feel too bad for him. He's…it's okay."

"How is Hell okay?"

She shrugged. "Being in management beats being a lackey, I suppose."

"Management?"

She sighed. "I don't have time to tell you everything right now. He's…okay, I guess. I don't know, I haven't seen him. I've been a little busy."

"With what?" Ben wanted to know.

"Mom?" Hope asked as she peeked in.

Ben gasped as he saw the girl and Ryan had to bite her cheek in order to avoid saying something. Some days, it was all too easy to see Dean's features on her face. She imagined that was what Ben was seeing. "You…you're…"

Hope smiled cheekily. "Your sister. Hi."

Ben looked at Ryan for explanation and Ryan sighed before she plopped into the chair at Ben's bedside, exhaustion beginning to set in. "Feel like a story, Ben?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

She laughed lightly. "I'll give you the abridged version, but basically, yes, Dean is the father to my three kids."

"Three?"

She nodded. "Hope is eleven, Bobby is almost four and Jon is eight months old."

Ben sat flabbergasted for a few moments. Finally, he asked, "Does he know?"

Ryan shook her head. "The kids know who their dad is, but he has no idea."

"How did…why? I mean, you're a hunter, right?"

She nodded. "I'm a hunter, yes."

"But…I didn't think hunters had families…"

"Usually, they don't. But if they do, they are very careful, like I am."

They were all silent for a moment. "What does this mean?" Ben inquired finally.

Ryan shrugged and yawned. She needed rest. "It's up to you, Ben. I would love for you to come back and live with me. Sam lives with us, too."

"Mom kinda mothers all the Winchesters," Hope supplied.

Ryan smiled at her. "Yeah, I guess so."

"What, I mean…" Ben licked his lips. "Do you…could I learn to hunt?"

Ryan thought a moment before she nodded slowly. "If that is what you choose to do, I'll support you, Ben. But there are other things you could do, too. You could become a Man of Letters. You're of the legacy…"

"Man of Letters?"

She nodded. "It's a…well, it's a secret club, basically." She showed him her MOL tattoo. "Kinda like the Freemasons or something, but cooler. Way cooler."

"They've got a Batcave and everything!" Hope added.

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, well, we do. We have training rooms and we are building up a list of hunters."

He glanced at Hope. "Are you training to be a hunter?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but that's not all I am, I…"

"Hope," Ryan growled. "Let's not overwhelm him with details, alright?"

Hope's eyes grew a bit wider, but she nodded.

"What am I missing?"

Ryan winced. "Our family is a bit different than your basic family, Ben."

At that, he snorted. "No kidding. You hunt monsters for a living."

She grinned. "We have another girl, a young hunter we've taken in, Krissy Chambers. She's hunting with a friend of mine over the summer, but she's coming back in the fall for her senior year of high school."

"She's cool," Hope told him. "You'll like her."

"I don't…I don't know what to say."

"This life won't be easy, Ben. You're saying goodbye to the only life you've ever known. Your mom was here, your whole life, all your friends, your school…"

"My friends are a joke. They're nothing but trouble, just like Mom said."

"Ben…"

He shook his head, all but ignoring her as this words came spilling out. "I was at a party. I got drunk. The cops came. Mom had to come pick me up. That's why we were in the wreck. It's all my fault. It's all my fault!" he shouted.

Ryan leaned over and laid a hand on his arm as Hope did the same. "Ben, it's not your fault. These things happen."

"If it hadn't been for me…"

She tightened her grip on his arm. "No. Stop. Your mother loved you more than life itself, Ben. I should know, I'm a mom, too. There is nothing, _nothing _we wouldn't do for our kids. It was an accident. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"She's gone, Ryan. She's gone and I don't know what else to do."

Ryan patted his arm. "For now, rest. I need some sleep. I drove all the way through the night to get here. You sleep, then, tonight, or tomorrow, you make your decision."

He shook his head. "I want to come with you. As soon as you can get me out of here, I want to go. Can…all our stuff…"

She bit the inside of her cheek again so she wouldn't cry. "Let me handle it, Ben. I'll take care of everything."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I'll put everything in storage until you're ready."

"Mom…she talked to me, last year. She had a health scare…she told me the truth about Dean then, said I'd need to find him if something happened to her. But, that was when we discussed her wishes if she died. She told me what she wanted. She had so many friends, but I just can't…a funeral…"

Ryan nodded again. He was too young to be thinking about this kind of thing. He reminded her so much of herself at that age, having to deal with her father's funeral. She stood. "It's okay. I've dealt with funerals before. I'll handle everything."

"She wanted to be cremated."

_Good for her. At least she knew enough from Dean to know about the safety of being cremated. _"I'll see to it. She'll get a hunter's funeral, Ben."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, we usually handle it ourselves, but I'll make sure her body is taken care of, okay?"

He was crying quietly now. "Okay. Th-Thank you."

She smiled softly and bent to hug him. "It's okay, Ben. I promise. I'll take care of you like she would have wanted me to, alright?"

He nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Hope," she began, "Let's go and let Ben have some rest…"

"Can't I stay here with him, Mom? Please?"

Ryan glanced at Ben, who smiled. "I think I'd like that, short stuff."

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm taller than most of the girls in my class and half the boys."

"Is that a fact? Well, you're still shorter than me."

Ryan smiled at their easy banter, glad she had listened to Hope. "Okay, I'll go get us a place to stay…"

"Stay at our house," Ben spoke up. "Do you have the address?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

"Go, stay there. Please? Mom would…" he sucked in a breath. "Mom would have wanted you to."

Ryan inclined her head. "Okay. I'll go over there now. Then I'll make a few calls, get everything taken care of so we can get you out of here."

Three days later, Ryan had all of Ben's clothes and personal items packed in boxes in the trunk of the Impala and Lisa's ashes in an urn seat belted into the backseat. Ben had developed a fever so they had kept him an extra two nights while the antibiotics worked their way through his system. Ryan didn't have all the information about the car crash, but apparently they'd skidded off the road when their car had hydroplaned. It had gone down an embankment of an overpass, flipped, where Ben had been ejected and landed in a drainage ditch. He almost drowned before rescuers found him, but as such, he developed pneumonia and they were treating him for a few other things as well since the dirty water had contaminated his wounds and gotten into his lungs.

Ryan sighed as she glanced at the small urn. She had gone to the funeral home personally and salted Lisa's body before she was cremated. The funeral director had looked the other way with a couple of bills at her odd request to salt the body as a precaution. She could only hope Lisa had crossed over. Ben couldn't handle it if all of a sudden his mom started haunting him. She sighed anew and wished she could have some booze, but she was going to be driving. She had slept fitfully for the past few nights being here. She hated being away from Sam and her boys. She was eager to get back home.

Finally, the doors opened and she pushed off the car as Ben and Hope emerged. He was being pushed by a jovial older man who had Hope smiling as he told her a joke. Ryan smiled slightly as she opened the door and waited for Ben to get up and situate himself with his broken leg and wrist in its brace. Hope had wanted to heal him right away, but Ryan had the feeling the kid would run if given a half a chance and she couldn't risk it, not yet, anyway.

"You're driving Dean's car?" Ben asked softly as he stood and his fingers brushed the black paint.

"It's the first time it's been driven in almost a year," she told him truthfully.

"Why?"

"It hurts too much," she mumbled.

His eyes lit to hers and she looked back at him, letting him see the pain she carried every day. He nodded and stood. "I'll try not to be a dick, Ryan," he promised quietly as he continued to look in her eyes.

She bit her lip. "You're almost a man, Ben. I'll try my damndest not to treat you like a child. Don't give me a reason to."

They stared at one another, not challenging, just gauging one another. "You love him," he said finally. It wasn't a question.

"With everything I am," she responded wearily.

His eyes searched hers once more and she was again struck with how green they were. Almost hazel, but with the sun hitting them, they were so reminiscent of his father's. "Okay. That's what I needed to know." He ducked into the car and she held in a sob as she shut the door behind him. She felt Hope's hand slip into hers and squeeze it comfortingly before she, too, got in the car.

Ryan walked around the car and slid behind the wheel. She glanced at Ben in the rearview mirror. He was regarding Lisa's urn cautiously. "I didn't know what you wanted to do with the urn," she began gently as she pulled away from the curb. "I figured she would be comfortable in our home until you make some permanent decisions."

"She liked the mountains. We used to go skiing down in West Virginia sometimes."

"Okay, then, this winter, when your leg is healed, we'll release her ashes. If you're ready," she amended. "It's up to you, Ben."

"I-I don't know what I'm doing," his voice quaked and cracked slightly.

"Neither do I, honey. Neither do I."

The car was quiet a moment until Hope turned on the radio and switched on the cassette player which currently had Led Zeppelin's IV in. Hope smiled as "The Battle of Evermore" went off and "Stairway to Heaven" started.

Ryan grinned, too. It was one of Hope's favorite songs. It often put her to sleep in the car and Ryan had used it more than once when Hope was little to calm her when she was sick, humming it in turns with "Smoke on the Water" to the girl. She caught Hope yawn out of the corner of her eye and chuckled under her breath. The girl would probably fall asleep soon. She hadn't slept well in Ben and Lisa's house, either.

She glanced at Ben, who was staring dejectedly out the window. Ryan had brought his pillow and blanket off his bed to make him comfortable and she'd brought a few other pillows, too, to prop his foot and leg up on. "You okay back there?" she began gently.

He shrugged and remained quiet. She opened her mouth to ask him a follow up question but closed it with a shake of her head. When he was ready to talk, he would. She had talked to Sam earlier in the day and he had gotten Ben a room ready. He had questioned, when Jon had been born, why she had wanted the baby to sleep in the same room with Bobby when they had an available room, but she had just shaken her head. She had a feeling they should be together, and now, she was glad she had put the babies in the same room. The house only had five bedrooms, but there was a room down in the basement they had converted. She figured that one would be the one Ben might like to be in. He would have to navigate the stairs with his broken leg, but they were wide and generous so he shouldn't have any issues with that. Besides, if he wanted to, he could also sleep on the couch for a few days until he'd settled in.

When the song went off, Ryan said, "Hey, Ben, dig through those cassettes, find something for us to listen to."

He stared down at the small box on the floorboard. "I thought driver picks music, shotgun shuts their cakehole, and backseat gets no opinion."

Ryan's lips quirked. _Well, doesn't that just sound like one of Dean's stupid rules? _"Maybe when Dean was driving, but I'm in charge of Baby for the day. My rules. And I say injured gets to chose." She paused. "Besides, I love all the music in that box, so I'll like whatever is in there anyway."

She saw him quirk his eyebrows, but he remained quiet as he reached down and grabbed the box. He rifled through the tapes for a moment before he said, "Huh. I don't remember this one being in there before."

Ryan turned onto the road that would lead them to the interstate and asked, "Which one?"

"This one." He handed it to her and she gasped, almost dropping it in the process as she saw the familiar picture on the front of the cassette box. She sucked in a breath as she read the title; Hotel California.

"Mama…Dad has your music in here!" Hope squealed.

Ryan bit her lip to stop her tears before they started and nodded. "So he does." She handed it back to Ben. "I love The Eagles," she told him by way of explanation. "Dean never cared for them, that I knew of, anyway." She had wondered how much was just teasing to mess with her, but she had never been able to be sure. Dean occasionally liked some of the more sappy music, she knew. Sam had told her.

"You can listen to it," Ben began.

She shook her head and licked her now dry lips. "Nah, that's okay. Pick what you like. As I said, there's nothing in there I don't just love, anyway."

Ben was quiet for a few moments, rifling through the box. Finally he spoke up; "I think you're wrong, by the way."

Her eyes met his in the rearview mirror. "About what?"

"I don't doubt, in his own way, he loved us, me and Mom. But he never had any of Mom's music in here. Ever. He wouldn't even let her listen to The Beach Boys the one time we actually _went _to the beach because they weren't his kind of music."

"Maybe he had it in here, but it hurt too much, after," she offered gently.

He shook his head. "I don't think that was the reason."

Ryan didn't have a response for that.

It was closing in on midnight by the time they pulled up into the driveway at home. Ryan smiled softly as she saw Sam standing on the porch, waiting for them.

She stood and stretched for only a moment before she was accosted by Sam who grabbed her in a bear hug. "Missed you," he whispered in her ear.

She grinned and yawned. "Yeah, I missed you too, Sam."

He glanced over at the passenger side where Hope and Ben were both getting out. He went to give Hope a quick hug, picking her up and swinging her, making her squeal, before he sobered and held out a hand for Ben to shake. "Ben."

"Sam," Ben replied stiffly.

"It's, uh, it's good to see you."

Ben smiled ruefully. "Yeah, same goes."

"You grew up."

"You got old."

"Hey, I resent that. I'm younger than Ryan over there," he said as he inclined his head to the woman.

"Bite me, Sam," she replied playfully as she bent to unbuckle the seatbelt around the urn. She yawned again. "I don't know about ya'll, but I need some sleep."

Ben chortled. "You sound southern when you're sleepy, Ryan," he commented.

"Comes from living in North Carolina during my formative years. You can take the girl out of Carolina, but you can't take Carolina out of the girl." She glanced at Sam. "The boys asleep?"

He nodded. "I think Jon's cutting another tooth."

She wrinkled her nose. "Fun stuff."

"Tory and Kris are coming in day after tomorrow."

She nodded.

"And I heard from Garth. He wants in."

At that, her eyes widened. "I thought we agreed…"

He held up both hands. "I told him I'd have to talk to you. Lycanthropes are excellent hunters, Ryan."

"Not for hunting other monsters, Sam."

"Give him the benefit of the doubt."

"How can I? He's a werewolf."

"He's still Garth. Even Dean gave him a chance, Ryan."

"Yeah, well, a werewolf didn't almost eat Dean when he was pregnant, either," she shot back.

Ben's eyes grew wide. "What am I missing?"

She just looked at Ben and sighed. "Tomorrow. Tonight, I need sleep in my own damn bed." She pulled her backpack on, tossed Hope hers, and walked to the steps. "I'll see ya'll in the morning when I'm functioning and have had a few cups of coffee. Sam, you'll get Ben situated, yeah?"

The man nodded. "Yeah. We've probably got some things to talk about, anyway."

She eyed the two for a moment, but then Hope walked up to her, gave her a hug, and they walked into the house together. Tomorrow. Everything would begin anew, tomorrow.

Ryan let the hot water cascade over her as she washed away the exhaustion. She'd slept a solid six hours and knew she needed more rest, but she had stuff to do. If Garth wanted in as one of their hunters, they'd have to set up some perimeters. She had been so wary of werewolves for so long and now one of the guys she trained _was _a werewolf. And he was married, Sam had said. That made her doubly wary. She stood under the scalding water a few moments longer, relishing the heat before she washed her hair and the rest of her before shutting the water off.

She stepped out and let out a shriek. Cas was standing there. "Damn it, Cas!" she shouted as she wrapped a towel around herself. "Creepy!"

His eyebrows rose and then furrowed. "Why?"

"I just got out of the shower, dude! Personal space much?!"

He still looked like a confused puppy, but he turned and strolled out of her bathroom and went to sit on her bed. "Better?"

She sighed. "I guess so. Just…wait there a fucking minute, okay?" She shut the door and toweled off, only to realize her clothes were still on the bed sitting next to him. "You shut your eyes while I come out there, okay?"

"Why? It isn't as if I have not seen you unclothed before, Ryan."

"Yeah, but, that was different."

"How?"

She sighed again as she towel dried her hair and wrapped it turban-style. She peeked out the door to find his eyes closed, but he still had that adorable clueless look on his face. "Because," she managed as she walked out and went to slip into her underwear, "For one thing, I'd just had a kid and you brought me back from the dead. For another, you're sitting on my bed. In my bedroom. And your vessel is male."

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" he asked uncertainly.

She eyed him and shook her head as she rolled her eyes. He wouldn't hurt her, she knew that much. Even if he wasn't an angel, he was _Cas_. He wouldn't hurt a fly, well, not without proper context, anyway. "No. Of course not. It was just a surprise. Next time, don't pop in on people in the bathroom, okay?"

"Of course. I apologize."

He opened his eyes and she shot him a look. "I'm still not dressed, Cas."

"But you are covering much more than Adam and Eve did in The Garden."

"I don't know why I bother," she muttered under her breath as she slid on a pair of denim shorts and a tee-shirt. She walked over to her jewelry case and picked out some earrings and slid her watch on before she pulled the towel from her hair and let it cascade down her back.

"You know, I understand why he was so attracted to you. You are very pretty, Ryan."

She turned so sharply she almost twisted her ankle. "What?"

"Is that…not appropriate?"

At that, she smiled. "I'm a woman, Castiel. We take compliments however we can get them. Thank you."

They looked at one another in uncomfortable silence before she inquired, "How many times have you had sex, Cas?"

"The vessel was married…" he began.

She shook her head. "No, Cas. You. Personally. Angel? Human? What have you."

"Oh. Once then, I suppose."

She nodded. "I tell ya what, you and Sam need to go get laid."

He was quiet a moment before he said, "I do not believe my vessel is attracted to males, Ryan."

It was her turn to look confused. "What?"

"I also do not believe Sam is interested in males."

Her mouth opened and closed a moment before she burst out laughing. She bent over as the giggles attacked her and she had to sit next to him on the bed. She gave him a one-armed hug as she put her head on his shoulder. "Cas, man, I love you. I really do."

His arm wrapped around her waist as well. "That is the first time anyone has ever said that to me, Ryan."

She pulled away and looked at him. She could be angry at Dean for quite a few things through their long friendship, or whatever you wanted to call it, but never telling Sam or Castiel how he truly felt about them was number one on her list. "He should have told you. He should have told Sam, too. Both his brothers should have heard it, at least once."

Castiel was quiet.

She smiled gently. "What I meant was, you two need to go out to a bar, go find some tail, of whatever variety you choose, and get laid."

"And you? You do not wish to…give in to the carnal satisfaction of sex?"

She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. She blew a breath out of her nose before she spoke. "That ship sailed, Cas. I have no interest…"

"Surely you are interested in sex. You pleasure yourself, do you not?"

She blushed slightly, uncertain where he was taking this conversation. "Well, yeah, I mean…but it's not like I can just…I'm…" she struggled to find the right word. "I'm demisexual," she stated finally.

"What is that?"

"I can't go out and have a random hookup. My brain is too screwed for that. And then, with Dean…he's all I want. I guess Omnisexual would be more accurate. He's all I want and I can't have him, so…I'm good."

"But you have needs, desires…"

"I can handle that, Cas. I don't need anyone else for that."

"It is very lonely, Ryan. Surely you…"

"Enough," she stated firmly. "That's enough, Castiel. I said no. No means no. Remember that."

He nodded. "Yes, of course, Ryan. I only wanted to understand you better."

She sucked in a breath. "Gabriel found the most broken human on the planet, Cas. He found me. I'm as broken as Dean ever was, just in a different way. Honestly, even though we're soul mates, we probably would never have worked as a couple. The things we've both seen, the lives we've both led…"

At that, Castiel smiled softly. "No, I believe the two of you would have fixed one another. Granted, there would have been fights. You are both passionate, stubborn people, but your love would have burned so brightly, anyone could have seen it."

She felt tears run down her face. "Thanks, for that, Cas. I mean it. Sometimes I like to imagine what it would be like, to be with him, like that…I mean, I know it doesn't do to dwell in dreams, but…" She shook her head. "Sometimes I can't help myself."

"I believe I can understand that, Ryan."

She hugged him again before she stood. "Now, as I was saying, you and Sam need to go out and get laid. And, hey, maybe you find your vessel likes males. No one says you have to like one or the other. Just ask my friend Tory. She swings both ways."

"I am not certain. I will have to research that a bit more…"

"Porn usually helps with that," she told him.

"Yes. I am well versed in pornography."

At her raised eyebrow, he cleared his throat. "What I mean to say is, I have seen a film once before…"

Her lip quirked. "Word to the wise? Quit while you're ahead, Cas. You're only giving me ammo with which to tease you."

He cleared his throat again. "Yes, you and Dean are certainly perfect for one another. But my sex life is not why I traveled to see you, Ryan."

She nodded as she remembered the demon stain on her soul. "You want to find out about my soul."

He nodded. "Yes. I believe we need to look into this further."

Quickly, she explained the demons she and Hope ran into the month before. He listened intently, then, when she finished, he rubbed his chin with his hand. "Hmmm, I believe we need to delve more into this, Ryan. I am not certain why you are manifesting powers…"

"Not like, 'powers', Cas, just…I'm able to throw them off. I don't think I could do anything…demonic, or anything. They just don't affect me like they did."

"I am not certain I like the sound of this, Ryan. I will need to check into a few things. I have never heard of this. The only other cambion we know if is Jesse Turner and his mother was completely human after his birth and the demon was excised. I do not know if it has anything to do with Jon or if it has something to do with Dean…"

"I thought you said him being my soul mate didn't matter."

"It shouldn't. But, perhaps I am wrong…"

"Great. Thanks a lot for that." Her tone was nothing but flat sarcasm.

"We do not yet know the ramifications of any of this, Ryan. Please, do not worry until such time we need to worry."

She blew out a breath. "Okay, I'll put it on the back burner. I've got enough to deal with what with Hope going to hunt after Bobby's birthday, family coming in for the party, Ben being here, werewolves wanting to hunt…" She looked at Cas and shrugged. "I'm busy."

He nodded. "Very well. I will take my leave."

"Come back, for Bobby's birthday. Gabriel may not remember who he is, but I know he would probably like you being there for his birthday."

He smiled at that. "Very well. I will see you in a few days time, Ryan." She blinked, and he was gone.

* * *

**July Twenty-Ninth **

Ryan collapsed onto the couch with a sigh. The house was quiet for once. Hope was gone with Tory and Krissy, Bobby had gone with Sam to the bunker for a bit, and Jon was taking a nap. She snagged up the remote and turned the TV on with a grin. _Time for some guilty pleasures…_she thought as she went to the Netflix app on the Apple TV Sam had insisted they get. It was really awesome and easy to use. She loved it.

She had just clicked on the show when Ben said from behind her, "What 'cha watching?"

She gasped and turned to him quickly. "Damn it, Ben! You scared the shit out of me."

He laughed as he hobbled to the couch and flopped down next to her. He snagged piece of popcorn from her bowl. "So, what we watching?"

She frowned at him. "Oh, I don't know, whatever you want…"

He smirked as the opening sequence for Gilmore Girls started.

She glared at him. "Shut it."

He smiled. "Nah, it's cool. I'm used to chick shows. My mom watched enough of them…"

"I don't usually…" she began.

He nodded. "I know, Ryan. Trust me. Your secret is safe with me."

They sat in silence for a moment as Lorelei and Rory talked. "You know, I've always had a thing for Lorelei," Ben confided.

Ryan smirked. "Who didn't?"

He looked at her in surprise and she laughed. "I'm teasing."

His face dropped in disappointment. "Oh, for a minute there, I thought you were really interesting."

"Ha, ha," she deadpanned as she poked him in the ribs.

They sat in silence for another moment and she heard him sigh. "I miss her," he said finally. "My mom," he clarified. "I really miss her."

Her brows quirked and she felt her heart break. "I know, Ben. I'm sure you do. She was your whole world, wasn't she?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he inquired softly, "You lost your family young, too, didn't you?"

She paused the show and turned to him. "Yeah, I did. My dad, when I was seventeen, but my mom…" her voice caught. She cleared her throat. "My mom was killed by a demon."

"Whoa. You're kidding."

"No. I was eleven."

Ben blinked. "I remember mom being possessed by a demon. Dean…he saved her."

Ryan couldn't help the sniffle as she whispered, "Yeah, he saved me, too."

Realization dawned on Ben's face. "It was possessing you, wasn't it?"

She sucked in a breath and nodded. "Yeah. He, uh, I mean, _it_ kidnapped me, did all sorts of, well, despicable things, then possessed me to get away from the cops and the hunters. The cops took me home…" she trailed off and cleared her throat again. "Luckily Dean and Sam were there."

"How old were they?"

"Eleven and seven."

"And Dean saved you?" Ben's voice was full of thinly veiled awe.

She nodded. "John was in town for the demons. He was hunting them. I remember him busting in, him and Bobby Singer. They got two of the demons, but the last one rode me home."

"What, uh, what happened?"

She swallowed hard and shrugged. "You know. Death. Destruction. Ruination. Luckily Dean was a fast thinker, even as a little guy. He knew something was up. He had Sam draw a devil's trap." She paused as her brows knit in thought. "You know, I so rarely think about that time."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No, it's…it's good. I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't often think about it, but I remember ever moment of it. I remember that…that _thing _inside me, guiding my steps. I remember feeling its frustration when it realized it was caught. I remember feeling it as it was sucked from my body…" She shook her head and focused on his horror filled face. "Now I'm sorry. Didn't mean to freak you out…"

"It's terrible, isn't it? Being possessed?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, it really is. It messed me up. For the rest of my life, actually."

"You were a kid."

"Yeah, I was."

"I can't imagine. I mean, I remember being a kid and those changlings coming for us, but this, Ryan…how did you get over it?"

She wiped away a tear that slid down her face. "Who said I did?"

The silence was thick between them for a moment before he said, "He's a hero, isn't he? I wasn't wrong about that, from before, was I?"

Her lip curled in a half smile. "He's one of the best men I know, Ben. He's not perfect. God knows he's almost as screwed up, or maybe even more so, than I am, but he tries. That's what makes him such a good man. You screw up, you try again. Around and around and around we go on the merry-go-round called life."

"I was so angry at him, at Mom, at…everything," Ben stated.

She nodded. "I know the feeling."

"This prophecy you talked about…it involves me, because I'm his, by blood, right?"

"Yes…and no."

He looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "Ben, they fought for free will. You can choose not to be a part of this."

"But I…"

She held up a hand. "Let me finish." She paused a moment, collecting her thoughts. "You can choose not to be a part of this. However, you won't. You'll dive in head first because it's who you are. It's a part of you as much as his DNA is a part of you. You may not like it, hell, it may freak you the fuck out, but you can't change it. You're a Winchester, Ben, whether you want to admit it or not, you are. And that core belief in you, that part of you that knows right from wrong, good from bad, that part of you…it will make you agree to be part of this. You could have gone your whole life without knowing it but you still would be a part of it."

"You believe that?"

She smirked sadly. "I have a kid that's an angel, one that's part vampire, and one that's a demon. Trust me; if I didn't believe it, I'd go stir crazy."

Ben sucked in a breath and blew it out softly. "So…should I, like, change my name and start accepting this, or…"

She shook her head. "You are who you always were, Ben. Your parentage may have something to do with it, but it doesn't change who you are. You're you. And I, for one, like you."

He smiled. "I like you, too, Ryan. I like this place, this home you have here. I like Hope, and Sam, and the little guys…I can't imagine anywhere better to be without Mom."

She put a hand on his arm. "We're glad to have you, Ben. And I know it's a terrible adjustment. I wish there was another way…"

"It's playing out, right? It's morphing into what it's supposed to be, isn't it?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm afraid so."

He took another deep breath. "Okay, then, so, let's do it, right? I've got a lot to learn. We've got work to do."

She smiled. "And we will. But first, I want to enjoy this time Jon's napping and the house is quiet. Want to join me for Gilmore Girls?"

He grinned. "Yeah, why not?"

She hit the pause button again and the show started back up. They watched in silence for a few moments before Ben said, "Hey, do you think that guy looks a little bit like Sam?"

Ryan looked at the screen and chuckled.

* * *

**October Thirty-First**

Life settled once again into something normal. When Hope returned from hunting with Tory and Krissy over the summer, she had tons of battle stories to share with Ben, who eagerly dove headfirst into learning the lore. He was quite adept and had, unsurprisingly, begun to study about the supernatural behind Lisa's back. It was all too evident that hunter was in his blood. He was also a crack shot. For someone that had barely touched a gun, he had an innate talent for firearms. He had issues to begin with, in hand-to-hand combat, but with Ryan teaching him daily, he quickly matched Sam in brute force as he also began putting on muscle mass. When the end of August rolled around and school started, he found himself on the track team.

He and Krissy were both seniors and Hope, not to be outdone, decided she wanted to go up another grade, and despite being only twelve in human years, had grown intellectually. She spoke like an adult most of the time, or at the very least, like a sullen teenager. She also looked older. She was about the same height as Krissy, who was short, so it was easy enough to go ahead and move Hope up once more, to being a junior while the other two were seniors. All three of them had friends, or more accurately, acquaintances, but they stuck together most of the time. In fact, Hope started sneaking in to Ben's shop class. She was incredibly interested in cars. More often than not, they went straight from school to The Bunker, where they quickly did their homework, then they could be found under the hood of any one of the classic cars in The Bunker's garage.

That had led Ryan to discuss with Sam the need for Ben to have a car to drive. After very little discussion, they decided to give him the Impala. Ryan had never seen the boy so happy. They emptied the weapon's cache in the trunk just in case there was any trouble on school property, but Ryan had promised him they would reload it with all of Dean's hunting gear as soon as he graduated. He wouldn't be going out hunting right away, he still had a lot to learn, but he could certainly have all of the gear back.

He was doing surprisingly well, actually. Of course, he was a teenage boy. Occasionally he had a smart mouth, or a snide comment, or he bucked authority, but for the most part, he was a good kid. His mother dying hadn't been easy for him, and Ryan often could see him fighting back the pain associated with the loss. She wished there was something she could do, but there wasn't. He had to power through it as best he could. She respected his space and he respected her authority most of the time. She was thankful, truly, for the fact he had adapted as well as he had. She also tried not to dwell on how much like his father he was. He didn't often mention Dean, and since that one conversation while they watched TV, if he did, it was never the fact Dean was his dad.

That would come, she hoped, with time. Of course, Hope didn't mind lumping herself in as his sister, telling almost everyone she knew how awesome her big brother was. Ryan could see how it embarrassed him on occasion, but he always took it with a grain of salt and a smile. He was also surprisingly good with the boys. He was quite nurturing, actually. He said he had played with and helped his mom look after his baby cousin on occasion, but when Ryan tried to find out additional information about the cousin so he could maybe meet up with them again or something, he clammed up. He said he wasn't interested in that part of his family. She hadn't pursued it. He had enough of the Winchester stubbornness to warrant giving her a headache on occasion, so she didn't pursue it. If he wanted to get together with his family, he would let her know.

Krissy had handled having a new member to the 'family' quite well, too. She was easy going and eager to finish the school year so she could finally go out and hunt permanently. Or she was, until Ryan dangled college in her face. Krissy was quite smart. She had been eager to learn Greek with Sam and had also been learning Enochian from Hope and Castiel. She was also really good at spells and chemistry like Hope was. They had started going through the Men of Letters spell books looking for anything that could help hunters. So far, they had found the mother load and were inputting all the spells they found and successfully performed into a computer document so it could be emailed out to hunters. All in all, everything was working like clockwork.

The little boys were growing, too. Robert Gabriel was now four and today was Jon's first birthday. He was walking and had begun babbling nonsense baby stuff for a while now. He followed Bobby around everywhere he went and Bobby's quick wit and mischievousness often got both of them into trouble, but all in all, they were good boys.

"Ready?" Sam asked as he walked into the kitchen. She was putting the last touches on Jon's Sock Monkey cake. He, like Bobby, loved his sock monkey, another of Hope's cast-offs she had given Bobby, who didn't like it. Jon had taken to it immediately. So now they knew Blue was Bobby's and Brown was Jon's and neither of the boys could go anywhere without their monkeys.

She put the red Twizzlers hair in place and nodded. "Yep. He's as ready as he's going to be." The whole outside was covered in Oreo cookie crumbs to make him look just like Jon's sock monkey. It was also covered under the cookie crumbs with chocolate icing and the cake was chocolate as well. Bobby had helped her choose what kind of cake Jon would like. She had also made a small monkey smash cake for Jon to enjoy. She anticipated him making as much of a mess as Bobby had. That boy had thoroughly enjoyed his smash cake when he turned one.

Jody and Ann had come down for the celebration. Tory couldn't make it. She was on a rogue angel case. It happened on occasion, there were still angels out there who were enjoying acting more like demons than celestial beings. Castiel had offered to help her. Ryan had just smirked. She'd noticed he had been quite intrigued by Victoria Allard. They were so damn cute together. She would bet money Tory would snag some of Cas' precious virtue before the hunt was over.

Sam grabbed the big cake as Ryan popped the "1" candle on top of the smash cake and lit it before they walked into the huge dining room they rarely used where everyone was waiting for cake. They all started singing "Happy Birthday" when Ryan walked in and sat the cake in front of Jon.

He clapped his chubby hands together and narrowed his eyes as he looked at the flame on the candle. The flame suddenly spiked three feet in the air in front of the boy and quickly enveloped the candle whole. Before anyone could act, Hope snapped her fingers, putting the flame out.

Everyone stood in shocked silence for a moment before Ryan gasped. "Holy shit," she muttered. The whole scene was surreal.

Jon started crying then and to her surprise, Hope picked the little boy up and made a blue flame in her hand. "Play with this one, Jon. It won't hurt you. Not like a real flame…"

Ryan could only watch as Jon stuck his hands into the blue flame, manipulating it, making it grow. Hope held him, the look on her face nothing but pure concentration until he looked bored and wanted back in his chair. "Eeee!" he yelled, which Ryan knew meant, "Eat!"

Hope put him back in his chair and turned to her mother. At the look Ryan felt sure was on her face, Hope said, "What?"

"What? What!? What was that?!"

Hope blushed. "I, uh, I've been working on a few things."

"Hope Deanna Winchester…"

"I don't think my spell work is what we need to be discussing. Jon's powers are already manifesting, Mom!"

Ryan looked at Sam, who shrugged. "Looks like we're going to find Jesse, huh?"

Ryan turned to Jody, who was just watching everything, taking it all in. "Jo?"

Jody held up both hands. "This is above my pay grade, Ryan. Although, I have to admit, it's a nifty power to have. Potentially hazardous, but nifty."

"Pyrokinesis. Interesting," Sam muttered as he walked over and ran his huge hand over Jon's sandy hair. "Dean's not got that gift, I don't think."

Ryan sank into a chair. "I need a minute." She didn't get a moment to think, though, because Bobby was already tugging on her arm for a piece of cake. She cut him a slice and looked over at Sam, who was still standing, rubbing Jon's hair. "Sam?"

He just looked at her. "I…"

She nodded. "I know." She turned to Hope and said, "Just what have you and Kris been doing in the bunker with those spells, young lady?"

"What? The fire? Oh, that was just me playing with my angel grace…"

Ryan's eyebrow rose and Hope shirked away, across the table, to cut a piece of cake. "It's not a big deal, Mom. We're just working on a few things."

"Hope's awesome," Ben piped up. "She's got the angel thing down. She…"

"Ben!" Krissy popped his arm. "Shut. Up."

Ryan looked from one to the other of them. "You three do realize you're teenagers, right? I mean, you're still…apprenticing. You know that, right?"

The three nodded. Even Krissy, who was the eldest of the three, always heeded Ryan's words of caution. Most of the time.

Ryan scrubbed her hand in front of her face. "Sam, how in the hell are we going to find Jesse?"

"Who is this Jesse?" Jody asked, as she, too, cut a piece of cake.

"Jesse Turner. He's a cambion," Sam explained.

"A…what?"

"A half demon," Ben breathed. "I read about it in the MOL papers. I didn't know one actually existed besides Jon."

Sam nodded. "He's actually close to your age. Maybe a few years older?"

"But how are we going to find him?" Ryan asked again. "He doesn't want to be found. I wouldn't even know where to start looking. He could hide himself from demons and angels."

"Could he sense another half demon, you think?" Jody asked.

"So…what? We just take Jon and start traipsing all over the world with Jon in a backpack sling, hoping he sends out demonic vibes?" Ryan spat.

"How the hell should I know? But you need to find him, right?"

"Why don't we just put an ad out in the paper?" Krissy suggested. Everyone's eyes cut to her and she shrugged. "What? It sounds perfect. 'Cambion seeks friend to help learn the ways of the master. Only serious applicants need apply'."

Ryan let out a snort. "Thanks for that, Kris. I needed it."

"Thanks. I'll be here all week."

Ryan rolled her eyes, but she still smiled.

"You know…if we had some of his blood, we could do a locator spell," Hope told them seriously.

"He's part demon. He can hide himself…"

"Not from this spell. And besides, he gained his power from Lucifer, right? So, with the Big L in his cage, Jesse won't be quite as powerful, will he?"

Ryan and Sam looked at one another and shrugged. "It's the best idea we've got so far."

"Okay, so, how are you going to get his blood?"

Sam sighed. "His birth mother."

"Is she still alive?" Ryan wanted to know.

"Only one way to find out," Sam told her.

* * *

**November Nineteenth**

Trying to locate Julia Wright, Jesse's birth mother, was proving to be difficult. Sam and Ryan had every contact they knew looking for the woman, but after their last tangle, she had gone far underground. They would find her, though. They had to.

Ryan let out a yawn. Her youngest might have been a demon, but that wasn't stopping him from being human, either. A horrible stomach bug had run its way through the Winchester household and no one, not angels, demons, or humans, were safe from it. Jon was the last one to have it and Ryan had been up with him half the night, so she was exhausted. Two nights before, Jon and Bobby both had it. She and Sam had both been up most of the night with the boys, and had fallen into an exhausted heap on her bed with the two littlest Winchesters sandwiched between them because they were too tired to change the bedding in the boys' beds.

"Just go," she told Sam on a yawn as she made Bobby's lunch. She had just gotten Jon to sleep in time to wake Bobby for preschool. "Go on to the bunker after you drop off the kids. I'm going to go back to bed."

"Sorry," he stated softly.

She shrugged. "Such is the life of a mother. I'll be fine. Just let me go sleep and then we can talk more about the Jesse situation tonight, alright?"

He nodded and she bent to hug Bobby. "See you this afternoon, buddy."

"Otay, Mommy. Wuv you!"

She hugged him tightly. "I love you too, buddy."

She stood and he held out his arms. "Huggle?" he inquired with a smile.

Ryan grinned. For a long while, they'd done this. Hope had started it and now that she had deemed herself too old for it, too mature, Bobby had decided he liked the huggles. They would hug and waddle to the door, her walking forward, Bobby walking backward until they made it to the doorjamb. "Huggle."

They 'huggled', giggling all the way down the hall, through the door, and out on the front porch. "Love ya, kid," Ryan told him as she kissed his forehead.

She received a hug from Krissy, Ben, and Hope as they walked out the door and headed toward to the Impala. "Have a great day kids!" she called.

"Yes, ma'am!" they shot back in chorus, causing her to grin.

She waved as the SUV and the car pulled out of the drive and yawned. The bed sounded like a really good place to be. But first, she needed to clean up the breakfast table and take out the trash.

She cleaned up and gathered the trash. She walked the rolling can to the curb knowing they would be by to pick it up later in the morning. She turned and gasped as Meg was standing two feet from her. Ryan cursed the fact she didn't have any of her weapons on her person. She was still in her pajamas, actually. Meg smiled at her. "I'm not here to hurt you."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "You'll excuse me if I don't believe you. No offense, demon."

"See? Prejudice."

Ryan shot her a look. "You say that like you're surprised, Meg."

Meg's smile only grew. "Look, I just want to talk, okay? Get Clarence down here if you don't believe me. I _am _a decent person."

Ryan crossed her arms and glared.

Meg sighed. "Look, I need to talk to you, okay?"

"Sam's not here."

"Good. It isn't Sam I need to talk to."

Ryan sighed out a breath. "Fine." _So much for my nap. What the hell does she want?_ She led the way into the house and Meg stopped just outside the door.

"Devil's trap?" At Ryan's look, Meg sighed. "I don't feel like breaking it, okay? Besides, your floors are so nice, you don't want them ruined, do you?"

Ryan chuckled at the demon's sense of propriety. "Why don't we sit out on the porch?"

"Fine. You got any coffee?"

"Yes. How do you take it?"

"Black. Like my soul," Meg deadpanned.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Well, while I'm offering and observing all the niceties, do you want a breakfast pastry, too?" She couldn't stop the biting sarcastic tone to her voice.

Meg, however, seemed oblivious to it, or either, was so used to Dean's sarcasm, it didn't bother her in the least as she shrugged. "Well, sure, if you're having some."

_Who would have ever thought I'd be entertaining a demon? _She contemplated calling Sam, but for some reason, she didn't. She got out the tray and sat two cups of coffee on it and a couple of pre-packaged honey buns before she walked back out. Meg was sitting on one of the rockers. "Hell of a place you have here, Ryan, is it?"

Ryan nodded and sat the tray on the small table before perching in her own chair. "So, what's up, Meg?"

Instead of answering, Meg just looked at her a moment.

Ryan unconsciously smoothed her hair. She knew she must look a mess. She had on her rattiest (and currently only clean) pair of pajamas and had her hair up in a wonky half-ass bun. She was in need of a shower and she just barely remembered to brush her teeth in her exhausted state this morning. "What?"

"That's just it. What. What is it about you?"

Ryan's brows knit. "Excuse me?"

Meg chuckled. "Man, I just don't understand why he's so hung up on you."

"Who?" Ryan asked cautiously.

Meg just shot her a look. "Come on. We both know who 'he' is, Ryan. Don't play coy. It's not your nature."

Ryan gave up pretenses and sighed as she pulled her legs up and wrapped her arm around her knees. "Dean isn't hung up on me. I'm just some chick he hooked up with a few times."

Meg's eyebrows rose. "Is that a fact? Well, then, why did he have to torture the hell out of a few demons when he saw you and Sam together?"

Ryan's gaped. "What?"

"Few months ago? After I checked on Sam. I mentioned Sambo was living with you. Pissed him right the fuck off, let me tell you. He had to pop topside to see for himself. He checked at some house, I guess your old one? Then the bunker, before I led him here."

"You…you _led him here_?!" Ryan sputtered.

Meg held up a hand. "Chill out, Ryan."

"What did he say? What did he do? Why didn't he…" _What, Ryan? You wanted him to pop in for a visit, all black eyes and fury? _The sad part was yes. Yes, she did want him to do that very thing. Some days, it felt like seeing him again, even being killed by him, would be better than the half life she felt like she was living without him.

"He was pissed off. I took him back downstairs, had him cool his heels. He looked like he wanted to kill Sam."

"Sam? Why?"

Meg rolled her eyes. "You're a dumbass, too, I see. He. Is. Into. You." She rolled her eyes again for effect. "Duh."

Ryan shook her head. "N-No…he can't be. He can't…"

Meg shrugged. "Look, just telling you what I think."

"You're wrong."

"Am I? Prove it."

"How? How the hell do I prove that, Meg?"

"Come meet up with him. Let's see."

"No."

At that, Meg shot her a surprised look. "What? Why? You too chicken?"

Ryan sucked in a breath. She couldn't meet with Dean. Mainly because she knew she would tell him the truth about the kids. And she couldn't do that. Not yet. If Jon was slated to be the ruler of Hell, and so far, everything Cas had found corroborated that fact, she couldn't have Jon learning from Dean how to be evil. Not yet, anyway. He needed to see humanity for the good that it was, first. It was a knife's edge they were balancing. If Jon wasn't good, everything would be lost. So, she glared at Meg. "I am not a chicken."

"You sure about that? You seem terrified of demons."

Ryan's eyes narrowed as her temper flared. "I am _not _terrified of demons. Not anymore."

"Why? Because you got that nifty little blade or an angel blade stashed in your jammies there?"

"No. Because I can fight them off if need be!" She clamped her mouth shut as she realized what she'd just reveled.

Meg smiled. "Is that so? You think you can, huh? Cute."

"Don't believe me. That's fine," Ryan stated flippantly.

"Oh, I'm intrigued. Just what do you think you can do, Ryan?"

Just then, they heard crying from upstairs and Ryan sighed. "Look, not that I'm not enjoying the hell out of this conversation, but my kid needs me. He was up sick all night. Are we done here?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever."

Ryan eyed the demon sitting in her rocking chair a moment before she sighed and stood. She walked into the house and locked the door behind her, not that it would do any good, anyway. She glanced out to find Meg gone. She blew out another breath and hurried up the stairs to Jon's room.

He didn't have a fever, and he didn't seem quite as bad off as he was the night before, so that was good. She changed his diaper and got him dressed for the day. "Guess we're up, huh? Want to go play for a while?"

"Oh my Lucifer," she heard from the door.

Ryan whipped around quickly to find Meg standing there. "Meg?"

Meg's eyes were wide. "Is that…he's Dean's kid, isn't he?"

Ryan looked down at the baby. His eyes had turned emerald green only about a month before and his hair was a dark, sandy color, but yes, he definitely looked like Dean. "Meg…"

Meg walked over and touched the baby's hand before shrinking back and crossing herself.

Ryan had only a moment to marvel at the fact that with the contact, Jon's eyes flickered to black before they went back to green. _Interesting, _she thought. She'd have to tell Sam about this. Clearly the little boy could discern demons from regular humans. He didn't react around the angels, but maybe that was because he was born knowing them. She would have to get one of Castiel's troops down here to see if Jon's eyes did that with angels he didn't consider family and thought them to be a threat.

She glanced over at Meg and shot her an annoyed look. "Really? You're Catholic now?"

"He's a cambion! When? How?"

Ryan sighed again. "Hell. Come on back downstairs. I don't want to know how you got in. That'll just freak my ass out. Come downstairs and I'll tell you a few things."

Meg followed her like a puppy down the stairs and to the kitchen where Ryan fixed Jon some Pedialyte and some toast. Hopefully this would be the turning point for his tummy. She glanced at Meg, who had now sat at the kitchen table eyeing Jon in his high chair as if he were a bomb about to go off. "Meg?"

The demon blinked and looked up at Ryan. "What in the hell, Ryan?"

"Jon is Dean's. Yes. I got pregnant with him when Dean was still human. He had The Mark at the time and we've now realized it was working on him from the moment he got it. He'd already used The Blade, so apparently it was starting to twist his soul after that first use."

"But the kid…?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know how exactly that works. He's already starting to manifest powers."

"Ryan…how are you going to handle any of this? We have to tell Dean…"

"NO!" Ryan all but shouted, startling Jon. He looked like he wanted to cry and Ryan quickly shushed him and handed him his monkey. He took it and popped his thumb in his mouth.

Meg's mouth quirked. "He's a cute little shit, isn't he?"

Ryan smiled despite herself. "Yeah, he is." She ran a hand through his short hair and ran her fingers down his smooth cheek. "Just like his father."

"The other kids?"

When Ryan didn't answer, it must have given Meg the response she was looking for because she shook her head. "Wow. He got around with you. How the hell did that happen?"

"I'm a good lay," Ryan replied smarmily.

Meg just looked at her a moment. "What's the deal, Ryan?"

"I can't, Meg."

The two women stared at one another and Meg sighed. "You know I've gotta tell him, right?"

You can't, Meg."

"Give me one good reason why."

"Because, I'm asking you not to," Castiel said as he appeared.

"Clarence! Looking good, angel. You changed your uniform."

He glanced down at his dove grey pinstripe suit, sans tie, and his black coat and Ryan could have sworn he blushed. "I have been gifted with new clothing. I felt it rude not to accept such a present."

Ryan's lip quirked. She didn't know how many times she'd heard Tory say she liked nothing more than a man in grey and black. Interesting.

"Well, you're looking good, angel cake."

"As are you, Meg," he replied. "I am dealing with Dean. I know of this…situation. You shouldn't speak of this."

"Why? Who put you in charge?"

Castiel's eyes flashed blue. "Heaven."

Meg's eyes flickered to black in challenge. "And that means what to me?"

"Do not try my patience, Meg. Who exactly do you think Dean would believe? You may be his knight, but I am his best friend."

Meg's eyes went back to normal as her mouth lifted in a smile. "I like assertive Cas. I'm glad he's back." She stood and ran her fingers over the material of his coat. "Yeah, this is a nice look. I've got more questions, but, for now, I'll keep things quiet." And just like that, she disappeared.

Ryan sagged and sat in a chair. "Great timing, Cas. How did you know she was here?"

"I didn't. Victoria and I cleared up the angel debacle and I had returned to The Bunker only a few moments ago. When I was with Sam, he asked me to come tell you we found her."

"Julia?"

He nodded and walked to Jon. "Why did you not tell me everyone was sick? I could heal you all easily enough."

She shrugged. "It was just a stomach bug, Cas. We'll live. If we had gotten deathly sick, I would have called you. Hope helped some, but I wouldn't let her do more than alleviate some of the symptoms. No use wearing her out when it ran its course in about twenty-four to forty-eight hours."

"Still, this was unnecessary suffering…"

"It was a human suffering, Cas. One all three of the…abnormal humans could certainly live through."

"It is fascinating how Hope and Bobby still get human ailments."

"It's different being born a human angel, I suppose," she commented.

"It's amazing," he breathed. He touched Jon and Ryan saw some color come back to the boy's cheeks. "He was quite sick. I wanted to…"

Ryan smiled and laid a hand on Cas' arm. "That's fine, Cas. Really." She yawned again and walked to the door to get the tray with the coffee on it. She poured out the two cups and poured herself another. "What are we going to do about Meg?"

"I believe her. She will not tell Dean at this moment. I would hate to have to lie to him, but it would not be the first time I have given him falsehoods."

She nodded wearily and yawned yet again. If only she could clear her head…

"You are exhausted, Ryan. Please, go rest. I can look after the little one."

Her eyes shot to the angel. "You…want to look after Jon?"

"Certainly I am capable. I have babysat before."

She smiled. "Okay then. Just for a little while…" She yawned again.

"Go. Sleep. Sam will come home this evening and wish to talk to you about travel. He feels you might be the best to go to Julia. She may remember him and he isn't certain it is a happy memory."

She remembered reading The Gospel about their trip to find the cambion. She felt certain Julia wouldn't want to see Sam again. "Sounds good."

"Rest," Cas urged again.

She took one last look at the angel and the demon child sitting in her kitchen, marveled at the fact, then made her way back up the stairs to catch a few more minutes sleep.

Two days later found her driving toward Utah alone. They'd found Julia Wright working at a department store. She still lived alone and kept mostly to herself. Ryan couldn't imagine what the woman's life must be like. She wasn't quite sure how to approach the woman, but she knew she would come up with something.

Julia was going by the name of Marie Johnson now, so Ryan went in first to scope the woman out while she shopped. Surprisingly, luck was on Ryan's side…the store was having a blood drive that day and Marie Johnson had signed up to go donate. Ryan overheard her speaking about it while she looked at jewelry. Tory's birthday was in a few days and Ryan wanted to get her friend something special. She made her purchase of a gorgeous necklace, then, followed Marie at a leisurely pace to the bloodmobile. She waited around until Marie was finished, then, when the bloodmobile took its break and all the volunteers walked out for lunch, it was easy enough for Ryan to break in and steal the blood. She didn't even have to see or involve Julia/Marie at all.

She smiled as she palmed the small vial of blood. Yep. One thing easier, in any case.

As soon as she arrived back at the bunker, Krissy and Hope were ready with the spell. "As soon as this is done, are you and Jon going to go to this Jesse guy?" Hope asked.

Ryan nodded. Sam hadn't been thrilled with Ryan going alone with Jon to get Jesse, but she knew, if the kid caught sight of Sam or Castiel, he would bolt. She had to do this one by herself.

"You sure I shouldn't go with you?" Hope inquired as she mixed ingredients. "It could be my late birthday present…" Hope teased hopefully.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, no, you can't go with us. You're an angel, hun. Best not cause him to freak out before we even get started."

"I still don't like this," Sam groused.

"I don't recall asking your opinion," she shot back at him.

"We are partners, Ryan. Damn it…"

She watched as he stomped off and she sighed. She looked at the two girls and gave them an encouraging smile. "Keep up the good work. I'll be back in a minute."

She walked out of the laboratory and down the hall. She heard him cursing a blue streak rather loudly in Room 7B. She poked her head in to find him pacing in the dungeon. She propped up on one of the shelves and murmured, "Penny for your thoughts?"

He stopped and stared at her. "Oh, you don't want my thoughts, Ryan, because they're all about how crazy you are!"

She pushed off the shelf and shrugged as she walked closer to him, cautious, only because he looked so damned pissed off. "Look, we've been over this, Sam. I'm just as good a hunter as you."

"Really? With a kid strapped to your side? Ryan, this guy is dangerous. He killed how many people as a boy? He turned Cas into a, a damn action figure! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"That was when he was at his most powerful, Sam," she implored. "Besides, we really don't have a choice here, now do we? We need him."

Sam crossed to her in three of his long strides and grasped her shoulders. "We need _you _to be safe. Let me go. Please?"

She hated seeing the desperate worry in his eyes and she wrapped her hands around the outside of his arms. "Sam, someone has to stay here and look after the other kids. You and I both know we hunt together sometimes, but this time…it's too dangerous for you to go. He knows you. If he sees you, he runs."

"Take Krissy. Take Ben. Take someone with you, Ryan. You can't go into this blind."

She sighed. "He won't hurt me, Sam."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do," she whispered. She felt it, deep in her soul. He wouldn't hurt her. Jesse wouldn't see her as a threat. He was so lonely, all alone in this big world…she had the feeling he would cleave to her, he would grasp the concept she was trying to sell. He would want a home, family, safety. She didn't know how she knew it, but she knew it. She just wished she could explain it to Sam. She tried again; "Somehow, somewhere, deep within me, I know. This boy is lonely. He's been living alone since he was a child, Sam. He needs a mother."

"And is that what you are? A mother to every damn monster and human that comes our way? Is that your job? To take them in?"

"I don't know," she whispered as emotions clogged her throat. "I don't know, but I have to try."

"You're an idiot."

She smirked. "Well, hell, Sammy, you've called me worse."

"Don't…I'm pissed and I'm scared, Ryan."

"And I believe you. I'm scared, too. But we have to do this. I have to do this." She bit her lip. "I know we don't want a lot of people to know about Jon, but, do you want me to call Tory?" They had managed to keep Tory in the dark about the prophecies, about Hope being an angel, Bobby being Gabriel as well as part vampire, and Jon's…demon side. But now…she could tell Tory the truth. Maybe Tory needed to know.

"I think you should."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. I will."

"Really?"

"You've asked me to. You've pled your case. Now, I'm listening to you. Yes. I'll call Tory and see if she can travel with me."

He pulled her to him for a massive hug. "Thank you, Ryan. Please stay safe."

"Guys!" Krissy called as she came looking for them. "We got it!"

Sam and Ryan shared a look before they raced back to the lab.

A huge map of the globe was laid out on the floor. Since they didn't even know which continent he was on, they had to make it big. Hope began chanting as Krissy poured the mixed ingredients over the paper. At Hope's little nod, Krissy set the paper on fire.

It burned brilliantly for only a moment before it shrank down to one small piece of land. New York State. "Son of a bitch, our boy came home," Sam murmured softly.

Hope and Krissy repeated the spell with another map, one of the U.S. and it lit on New York City.

Ryan blinked in surprise. "Wow."

"It makes sense. Where better to blend in than in a city full of immigrants? No one would look for him there and no one would suspect he doesn't belong. It's perfect."

Ryan had to agree with Krissy. "You're right, Kris. It's a great plan. I'm kinda disappointed I didn't get to go to a foreign country to go get him, but, well, I guess that will have to do."

"When will you leave?" Hope asked softly.

"As soon as possible. The sooner we can get him here, the better."

"You ready?" Tory asked softly. They'd managed to find him by hacking into the NYPD's facial recognition program. The boy could change a lot of things, but he couldn't change his face. They'd aged the picture from all his missing persons photos from when he'd gone missing as a child before the apocalypse, and they'd found him, working at a coffee shop in Greenwich Village. Tory opened the door and Ryan wheeled Jon's stroller into the restaurant.

"Can I help you?" he asked softly as they approached.

Ryan looked at him. He was a beautiful boy with the clearest aquamarine eyes she'd ever seen, and a soft, unassuming smile. He was wearing a button-down, open, over a skateboard shirt and had on a pair of baggie shorts, despite the chill of New York in November. He also had a beanie on his head but she could make out a tuft of light brown hair escaping from its confines. He had a lip ring, an eyebrow ring, and a couple of earrings which only made him cuter. His name tag read "Jacob" but there was no mistaking this boy was Jesse Turner.

She smiled genially and ordered something for herself and Tory along with a giant cookie and a juice for the little boy.

"I'll bring it right over," he told them as he handed her the change from the twenty dollar bill. She slid it into the tip jar and his smile grew.

The two women went to a secluded spot in the back. Luckily, it was late afternoon and it wasn't overly crowded in the place. Ryan knew, from employment records, he was scheduled to get off work within the hour. She had to move fast to convince him. She honestly was hoping Jon would do that for her.

Jesse came over with their drinks and pastries on a tray and passed them out. "Could you just hand the baby his?" she asked as she sipped the excellent white chocolate mocha she'd ordered.

Jesse grinned and handed the cookie to Jon. "Here you go, bud…"

Jon reached out and grabbed Jesse's hand and Jesse gasped as Jon's eyes turned black. Ryan watched, breathless, as Jesse's did, too. They flickered back to blue as they shot to Ryan's.

"Jesse," she started softly, "I need your help."

His eyes narrowed. "How did you…?"

"My name is Ryan Fawcett. I'm a hunter."

When he tried to stand, to move away, she grabbed his arm. "I'm not going to hurt you, Jesse. As you can see, my kid ain't normal."

"No kidding." He glared at her. "What do you want?"

She sighed. "I'm not going to bullshit you. That kid? He's Dean Winchester's."

"Then you're a…"

She shook her head. "No. I'm not a demon. I'm just a human. Dean isn't. Not anymore." It was getting easier to say, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow. Occasionally the shock of the fact Dean was a demon would jump up and bite her on the ass.

"They wanted to _kill _me," he seethed.

She shook her head again. "No, they didn't, and you know it. You were a kid then, Jesse, but you knew they didn't want to harm you. Sam certainly didn't. Dean…he's been known to make a few mistakes."

"Like becoming a demon?" he sneered.

She inclined her head. "Especially that one." She reached out to grasp his hand in hers. "Jesse, I need your help with this."

"With what?"

"Jon's already exhibiting powers. He needs tutelage."

"How? What do you want _me_ to do about it?" His voice had risen an octave in his distress and Ryan's heart went out to him. This wasn't an easy life he'd made for himself, and she could only imagine how difficult it was for him to have his past brought up now, of all times, when it seemed evident he'd gotten something normal started here.

"I want you to come with me, back home, to Kansas. I want you to show Jon how to be good. I want to help you, Jesse."

"No one helps me. No one knows me. I'm nobody," he stated softly.

Ryan gripped his hand harder. "Look at me." His eyes lit to hers and she hated seeing the pain there. "If I could have gotten to you, found you, I swear, I would have. I…I take in strays, for lack of a better word. I want what's best for you. You're a kid, Jesse. Let me help you."

"Why?"

She wouldn't bullshit him. "It's as much for me as it is for you, Jess. Dean's not one hundred percent evil, even being a demon, but I don't want Jon to be at all. You seem…" She paused to think of how she wanted to word it. Finally, she settled on, "You aren't out massacring the villagers every night. You're a good person, Jess. I know you are."

He toyed with his lip ring with his tongue. Ryan could see it moving slightly as he thought. "Say I do this. Where will I live? What will I do?"

She smiled slightly as her eyes narrowed. "How would you like to hunt? Or maybe learn more about the supernatural?"

"How?"

"I've got a whole library at my disposal, and also, I've got people, kids, your age, who know these same things."

"Are they…like me?"

She shook her head. "No, they're just your basic humans. But they're wicked smart and kind, Jesse. I swear, in our household, you'll never be made fun of or called a freak or put down for any of the powers you manifest."

He closed his eyes and griped her hand so tight, she felt her fingers go numb, but still, she held on. "It sounds too good to be true," he whispered.

"It isn't, Jesse. It really isn't. It is a hard life. We're training kids your age to be hunters or researchers but we're also giving you guys lives. School, family, the whole nine."

His eyes opened and she was glad to see hopefulness in them. "School?"

She nodded. "Whatever you wish. If it is college you want, we can do that. If you feel you need to go back to high school, we can do that. If you want a G.E.D. well, we can do that, too. Whatever. I want you to find some happiness, Jesse. I want you to stick with us and let us help you."

"You keep saying 'us'. Who is that?"

"Well, me, Tory here," Tory gave him a little finger wave as she gave Jon a bite of her muffin, "another lady that comes and goes, and then Sam Winchester."

"If Sam is there, is that angel of theirs also around?"

Ryan caught Tory sitting up a little bit straighter at the mention of their angel. "Yes and no. Castiel _is _there on occasion, but only because we have an angel in training with us, too."

"Angel?"

Ryan nodded and pulled her hand away from Jesse's to snag her cup. She sipped her drink before answering, "My daughter is an angel, born human."

"Wait…so…you have a demon and an angel for kids?"

"Don't forget the angel/vampire hybrid," Tory put in.

Ryan shot her a look, but chuckled. "She's right. I have three kids, all with interesting powers."

"To say the least." He took his hat off and ran a finger through his hair. "Okay, so, you want me to come with you, train this kid not to be evil, maybe learn how to hunt or whatever, and get an education? Still sounding too good to be true…"

"It isn't," she promised. "But I tell you what, you come with us, I won't attach any strings. You get the heebs and want to go, you go. You don't have to call us family or home, not yet. Not until you're comfortable."

"Why?" he asked again.

"Because, kid, I've been the one outside, alone. It sucks ass. I was alone from the time I was seventeen until I had Hope when I was twenty-six. After that, I was alone and lonely for a while, too, until I met Tory here. You can have friends. You can have…family, Jesse. Come with us. Please?"

He thought a moment. "Can I have some time?"

She smiled and reached into her bag slung onto the back of Jon's stroller. She pulled out a stack of papers and handed them to him. "I've got one better. Here's a bus ticket. You decide you want to come, come. I've got my address and everything on it. You think it over, then decide."

He took the papers and grinned. "You do realize I can teleport, right?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, but, if you take the bus, you'll have time to think. You seem like a thinker."

He nodded. "Thanks, Ryan. For everything." He stood and walked back to the cash register just as another customer came in.

Ryan stood and gathered their trash before she grabbed Jon's stroller and walked toward the door.

"You think he's in?" Tory asked as she opened the door for Ryan.

Ryan glanced back at the kid and smiled. "Yeah. He's in."

* * *

**January First**

Ryan smiled as she stepped out into the night. They had just watched the ball drop and had toasted the New Year. Life had changed for her once more. Jesse had arrived three days after they got back home and he moved in with them, too. He was sharing a room with Ben, which didn't seem to bother the other boy in the least. They hit it off immediately. In fact, all of the four older kids seemed to be getting along great. Jesse was shy, soft spoken, and rarely ever got angry. It was interesting seeing him compared to Hope, who had changed slightly. She was now a true teenager, thirteen years old, but had the mind of an adult and the body of a sixteen year old. She'd been getting quite a lot of attention from boys at school. It was…complicating matters slightly as the kid definitely had a _lot _of Dean Winchester in her. Ryan had no idea how to handle it since her high school years were less than normal. Luckily, Krissy _did _know how to be a teenage girl and helped Hope quite a bit.

She sighed as she sat in the rocking chair and wrapped the afghan around herself tighter. She'd needed some air. At times, she was reminded how much of a loner she really was. She tried so hard to be normal, but, occasionally, she was reminded of how abnormal she really was.

"Boo," she heard from the darkness of the yard and she rolled her eyes as Meg came up the steps.

"What? Are you my new bestie?" Ryan sneered.

Meg shrugged. "I felt like popping topside. You can only torture so many souls before you long for something different. And, hey, New Years. Why not come up and get drunk, right?"

"You don't seem drunk."

"I'm not. Yet."

"Well, you missed the ball drop. It's already the New Year."

"Hell." The demon sighed. "Oh well, guess I'll just come irritate you then."

Ryan eyed her as she propped herself against the railing. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk. Can't we be girly for like, a skinny second?"

"You're a demon. A knight of hell. Not sure that leads to girly pursuits, Meg."

Meg shrugged. "Maybe I just like you, Ryan."

Ryan's eyes narrowed as she shook her head. "Nah, that's not it."

Meg chuckled. "Fine. That's not it." She moved and sat in the rocking chair next to Ryan. "Tell me about yourself."

"Why?"

"Because I'm curious."

"About me?"

"Why the hell not?"

Ryan blew out a breath. "What is your game, Meg?"

"I…I don't know, Ryan. Something tells me I should get to know you."

"Did you tell him about coming up here? About Jon?"

"Do you see him beating down your door for the kid? Of course not."

Ryan released the breath she had been holding. "Good. That's…good."

"Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like you're disappointed."

Ryan bit her lip and stared out into the inky blackness. "I miss him. Sam misses him. Castiel, well, he sees him, but he misses him. The old Dean."

"The old Dean was miserable."

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "And this one isn't? Come on, I'm not stupid. He's the king of Hell. Dean Winchester never wanted anything to do with that place. You can't tell me he's _happy _down there."

Meg looked at her a moment and then smiled. "You really know him, don't you? I mean, you weren't bullshitting. You know Dean."

Ryan didn't respond.

They were both quiet a few moments before Meg asked softly, "You really do love him, don't you?"

Ryan sucked in a breath. "With every fiber of my being," she answered truthfully.

"Wow. That sucks."

"Tell me about it," Ryan muttered.

"We need more booze if we're discussing loving and losing, girl."

Ryan snorted. "Nah, I'm good. Feel free to go in and get some, though. I think everyone else has gone to bed."

"Why aren't you in bed? You partied and shit. You've got kids. Don't you like, need some rest or something?"

Ryan shrugged. "Got a lot on my mind."

"Like?"

"Life? I don't know, Meg. Just…thinking, I guess."

"Can you share with me?"

"You want to know?"

Meg was quiet a moment, pondering the question. "Yeah, I guess I do. I don't know why."

Ryan thought a moment, then decided, _what the hell_, and spoke. "I was raped and tortured by three demons when I was eleven. I found out, later, that John Winchester excised one demon, Bobby Singer got another one, and finally, the last one, he possessed me. The cops took me home and I had to watch as he used my hands to carve up my mom. Dean and Sam were staying with us at the time. Dean read his dad's book, excised the demon from me. I almost died. I didn't see Dean again until ten years later."

"You-You're…It…"

"It sucks," Ryan told her. "I lived through intervention of an angel."

"And so, what? You got some kind of weird hero worship thing for Dean now? Felt the need to get knocked up by him as some sort of skewed gratitude?"

Ryan sighed. "Nope. That would probably be easier to explain than the rest of it."

"Rest of what?"

Ryan shrugged. "Prophecies, angels, demons, it's all interwoven into mine and Dean's…whatever you want to call this."

They were both silent a moment. "You're his soul mate, aren't you?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Why is it everyone sees it but me and him? Like, is Fate just shitting on us at every turn? Yeah, alright? I am. He's the king of Hell and I'm pining for the bastard because he's the only man that's ever…" she sighed as a tear fell onto her cheek. "I'm so fucking sick of crying over that dickhead."

Meg chortled. "Well, he's still a dickhead, if that makes you feel better."

Ryan laughed as another tear fell down her cheek. "Thanks for the confirmation."

"You do know he's more human than any of us, right? I mean, he's not _just _a demon."

"No, he's the king demon."

Meg shook her head. "No, Ryan. He's got a lot of humanity in him. If you just…"

"If I just what? Met up with him? Told him the truth? Told him I loved him, and that these kids are his? What? You think he'd just welcome me with open arms? Nope. He'd be pissed as all hell that I lied to him. He'd be hurt that I'd lied to him. He'd be furious that I'd lied to him. And where would that land me? Probably on a fucking rack for him to torture for my sins," she finished bitterly. She closed her eyes as the pain assaulted her. "I deserve that. I'll burn for doing this to him. I shouldn't have betrayed him this way. Gabe got it wrong. Dean…if he had known…"

"He wouldn't be where he is now, Ryan," Meg added softly. "But, did it ever occur to you; maybe that's exactly where Dean is supposed to be?"

"The ruler of Hell?!"

Meg shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe? Who's to say? I've seen shit I wouldn't believe and then I've seen things that have totally caught me off guard. So, I don't know. Maybe."

Ryan put her head back and sniffed. "I think I need to go in, go to bed. Thanks for the talk, Meg."

Meg stood and Ryan looked at her. "Hey, I kinda liked this. Maybe…I mean…you think I could…?"

Ryan smiled. "I think you've got a little human in you, too, Meg."

She shrugged. "Who the hell knows, right? Maybe I do." She turned toward the steps before turning back around. "Who was it?"

"Who was what?"

"The demon that hurt you. That possessed you?"

"Why?"

"Just…wanna see if I know him."

Ryan shivered despite herself. "Raeburn," she whispered. "He called himself Raeburn."

Meg smiled. "Thanks for that. If I see him, I'll string his ass up. How does that sound?"

Ryan's eyes widened. "You would…"

Meg shrugged again. "Maybe I don't like demons fucking around with my friends."

"Is that what I am now, Meg? Your friend?"

Meg just smiled and vanished.

Ryan blinked. _Did I seriously just make friends with a demon? _

* * *

**AN2: Review for Girls, Girls, Girls: I feel like crap, guys! I've been so busy with Thanksgiving, I've only watched this episode ONCE! What the heck?! But, I loved it! Was I the only one NOT surprised by the ending? I kinda had the feeling Rowena was who she was. But the Cole/Dean scene was just...epic! So sad. So good. Gah. I had tears in my eyes! I can't wait to rewatch it! **

**Until next week...**


	21. Long Way To Happy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. They belong to the wonderful Lord Kripke and I'm just borrowing them for a bit...**

**AN: Hi all! SO sorry I didn't get this posted this weekend! Ugh. It was hella busy. Yikes! Anywho, here's another big ass chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

**I got a review this week wanting to know when Dean would pop back into the picture. Well, he's here in this one, but we have about 5 chapters until we're back to his POV and catch up to where we left him. Don't worry, I'll make sure it all ties together. It's beautiful, I promise! And I'm a sucker for happiness for my characters, I just like to torture them first! HA! This story started as just his and Ryan's, but it's become SO much more. It has morphed into its own universe. Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you all are enjoying it. **

**TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse against women, mentions or rape/torture, actual torture, knives, you know, my usual...**

* * *

**January Twenty-Fourth, **

**Castiel POV**

Castiel glanced over at the sleeping human. Who would have ever thought this was where his life would take him? When he agreed to go rescue a human soul from hell, it had never occurred to him it would lead to his ruin, his death, his life, his need to become God, his ruin, his deception, his humanity, his death again, his stolen grace, his best friend becoming a demon, battling said best friend, renewing his grace, then finally, his renewed sense of self.

"Cassie? Where you going?" Victoria asked softly as she rolled over to look at him.

He smiled at her. Yes, Hope had given him the gift of understanding humanity a bit better, but in doing so, she had awakened a carnal sense within him. He understood, now, why so many of his brethren enjoyed the sins of the flesh. "I must go for my meeting with Dean. Not to worry, I will return to you when I am finished."

She pouted prettily. He understood that by human standards, she was not as beautiful as others, but her soul called to him. It shone just as brightly, if not brighter, than Dean's had. It was a beacon of hope to him. She had such an innate sense of good within her. He could not stop his need for her. And when she had flirted with him, then, had shown him her desire for him, he had been unable to stop himself.

"I won't be here," she told him. "I've got a job to go out on."

She was a huntress; tough, fair, a bit rough, but perfect in almost every way. To him, at least. "You stay safe out there," he cautioned as he walked to the door.

"Cas?" she began and he turned at the sound of her voice.

She stood, revealing her nakedness and his vessel responded immediately. "Victoria," he warned.

"Come on, please? I can make it really quick. You know you always get to the diner so early…"

He couldn't quite stop the whine of need that came from his throat as she knelt before him and unfastened his pants. Her eyes gazed up and bore into his. "I promise. I'll make it worth your while…"

Her hot breath ghosted over him and he shivered as he closed his eyes. "Of that, I have no doubts…"

"Cas, man, how's tricks?" Dean greeted him as he slid into the booth twenty minutes later. Castiel had managed to arrive only two minutes, thirty three seconds ago, and were it not for the fact he was an angel instead of human, he would still be breathless. He wasn't quite sure how he had become charmed by Tory Allard, but he had. Sins of the flesh, indeed.

Castiel looked at Dean worriedly. _Does he suspect…? _He realized Ryan knew of his and Tory's…trysts, and Sam, he felt sure, knew, but something had warned him not to mention it to Dean. He supposed it was simply because he knew Dean would tease him about it. And at the same time, Castiel felt a strong desire to protect Tory from the scrutiny Dean would no doubt put her under. "Everything is fine, Dean. How are the souls in hell?"

"Dead," Dean joke flatly as he lifted the fork to his mouth. Cas hadn't even noticed the waitress had brought over the blueberry confection. To this day, Castiel still couldn't enjoy eating. He knew other angels that did, however, he just couldn't fathom why.

"Great pie today, ladies!" Dean called to the two women behind the counter. He turned back to Cas. "Tortured," he continued. "Making Meg the Mistress of Tortures was the best damn idea I've ever had. She loves it, really gets off on other people's pain. She's an awesome sadist. Wish I had known her as a human. Bet she would have really enjoyed bondage and shit."

Castiel cleared his throat and remained silent as images of the little demon came unbidden to his mind. He still hadn't forgotten the times they had shared. He had come to care for her wellbeing for a time there. He was glad Dean had found her in Hell and knighted her.

"You know, she's still got a 'thang' for you, Cas."

Castiel just looked at the man sitting across from him and Dean smiled. "Well, just thought I'd throw it out there. Hey, a demon and an angel? Just call the relationship 'holy hell' and be done with it."

For some reason, this irritated Cas. He couldn't quite put his finger on why, though. "Dean, are we going to discuss business, or are you still attempting to get me laid?"

Dean laughed out loud and Cas was glad for it. He enjoyed seeing Dean acting like his old self, even if it was short-lived.

"So, speaking of sex…heard Sam was shacking up with Ryan permanently now?"

Castiel blinked. _Why the sudden change of topic? _Castiel had been waiting for Dean to mention it. He knew, from Meg, that Dean knew of Sam and Ryan's living arrangement. Of course, Castiel could not tell the true reasoning behind it, but he could tell Dean a few things. He smiled slightly at the thought of Ryan. She was indeed a character, his friend's soul mate. "Ah, yes, Ryan Fawcett and her children. They are amazing, really."

"Yeah, she is," Dean stated offhandedly. "Heard her cousin had another one. Can't believe she saddled her with a third kid."

Cas couldn't help the confused look on his face. _How is it you are so intelligent, Dean, but you did not see the children are yours? It boggles the mind, my friend. _

Dean went on. "I mean, really, can't the dumb bitch keep her legs closed or what? What the fuck is she? A damn brood mare putting it out there for the stud horse? Is she like a dog in heat or something?"

Castiel cleared his throat again. He realized Dean did not know he was disparaging Ryan in this discussion, but still, it made him uncomfortable. He cared for Ryan as he did Sam. Granted, they were not overly close in the emotional sense, but, still, he cared for her and considered her a friend. Also, the fact she was his friend's soul mate as well as the mother to two of his brethren, he felt a strange desire to protect her in a way he had no other human, save Sam and Dean. He was quite busy with Heaven's needs, but he had grown affectionate towards her. And the things she was doing for humanity as a whole were all good acts despite the troubling stain upon her soul. He still had yet to find the cause for the growth, nor why she had suddenly been given the power to fight off demons. Now that Jesse was there, they were toying with her power a bit. It was making him nervous, but what could he do? He understood that should a fight with Hell arise, they needed to know her strengths and weaknesses. So far, all she had been doing was getting stronger. Troubling, indeed. "Dean, I'm not really comfortable talking about this…"

Dean shrugged. "What's the big deal, Cas? Okay, so, Sam's got my sloppy seconds. Good for him. Little weird, but, hey, he's always been weird. At least she's not a demon or a werewolf. She's still human, isn't she?"

Cas' brow's knit. He had wondered if he should tell Dean of Ryan's growing stain on her soul. It was worrying him. She acted as though she was fine, and he supposed she was, but still, it wasn't giving him, what was it Ryan called it? Yes, it wasn't giving him the warm and fuzzies. "Yes, Ryan is…human."

Dean nodded. "Good. So, I guess I'm happy for him. I mean, he's got a family. Guess he's like, a _dad _and shit now, huh?"

_You are their father, Dean. Why can I not tell you? Oh, it frustrates me so not to be able to tell you the truth. I wish I could say it. You would love Ryan. Perhaps, somewhere within your twisted soul you have feelings, human feelings, for her, even if you do not realize it…_ "Dean…"

Dean held up a hand. "Say no more. It's none of my business. Hey, I'm the thing she's terrified of."

Castiel just barely held in his surprise. He hadn't realized how much Dean actually cared for Ryan. It was easy to see, now, Meg was right when she had spoken to him about Dean's outburst regarding Sam and Ryan. How interesting.

"Just, uh, just let her and Sammy both know I'm happy for them, okay? And, uh, let her know I swear safety for her and the kids. No demon will make a deal with them or touch them. Forget the fact Sam's living with them. I mean, hell, he's not the best with relationships, so, even if they break up or something, I will still keep her safe."

Cas meant it when he said, "Dean, I never thought otherwise." It was painfully obvious Meg was right. The soul mate connection was alive and well within Dean Winchester. He wanted Ryan's safety and wellbeing above everything else. How intriguing. He wondered if he could study Dean and Ryan's connection further without them knowing it. Their connection, as human and demon, would be one for the record book, indeed.

"Good."

They were both silent for a few moments. He had so many lies now, so many omissions of truths he couldn't share with Dean. It frustrated him to no end. It hadn't been terrible long ago he was a poor liar. Now, he had become quite accomplished at it. It was not something he was proud of, truth be told.

Dean glanced around. "So, uh…"

Castiel looked at him, "Yes?"

Dean blinked and shook his head. "Nothing. How are things on earth? Monsters bad? Anything out of the ordinary since I'm keeping things locked up downstairs?"

Cas shook his head. Things were actually going quite well now. Sam and Ryan had continued building their reputations in the Men of Letters and had quite a few hunters now out coordinating efforts to rid the Earth of evil. "No, things seem to be going quite well. Earth has monsters, yes, but nothing Sam and their hunters can't take care of."

"Their hunters?"

Cas nodded. "Sam has taken a more leadership role in the Men of Letters, as has Ryan. Truthfully, Sam is hunting less and less as he's become the authority figure in the occult."

"Sammy's the new Bobby?" Dean smiled at that.

It was not the first time he had heard the phrase. Apparently Bobby Singer really was quite the expert in the field of monsters. It made Castiel sad to realize he might have been able to save him had he not been…as he was at the time. He nodded. "Yes. If Sam _does _go hunting, usually he takes Ryan or Hope with him."

"Hope's old enough to hunt?"

"Indeed. As a matter of fact, Ryan took Hope on her first hunt a few months ago." Even though he wanted to, mainly to get his friend's opinion on the situation, he didn't dare share the fact Ryan came back with some interesting demon powers. There would be a time and a place for that, he knew it. When he had visited with them a few days ago, Ryan had been gearing up for a simple salt-and-burn. She was going to take Hope with her. "They're gone now while Sam looks after the boys." The angel smiled. "I have to admit, seeing your brother with the two little ones is quite humorous. From what I hear, his first diaper changing experience was interesting."

Dean smiled as well. "That's cool. How old are the kids now?"

Castiel wasn't sure why he did it, but he didn't tell the truth of their ages. "Bobby is almost four and Jon is almost two years old."

"John?"

"Jonathan," Cas corrected. "Though, we usually call him Jon."

"Did Ryan name him, too? I mean, she named Bobby."

"Technically, Hope named Bobby," Castiel amended, "But, yes, Ryan named him. She asked Sam if he wanted to, but he declined the offer."

Dean blinked. "Cool. So, Ryan's hunting? Even with the kids?"

"Hope is of the age to hunt," Castiel said simply. "Ryan had wanted to wait until Jonathan turned a year old, but Sam insisted she needed to go out and kill something before she killed one of them."

Dean chuckled. "Sounds like a good idea."

Castiel nodded. "She is one of the most lethal women I have come upon. I am quite glad she was indisposed at the time…if she had been hunting angels with you and Sam, she would have wiped out our whole species. As it is, you do not want to mess with her. We are having angels train with them now so they know how to handle a rogue attack. It's…fascinating, truly." He paused and smiled. "She was quite ready for the hunt as well. She had not had the opportunity to hunt in a while. She is rectifying that situation now."

"Well…good for her."

Cas nodded. It was amazing, watching her fight. Now that they had a garrison strictly to work with Ryan, Hope and the other older hunters-in-training, they were all learning how to adapt. The angels, too, were learning. They were fighting and practicing against Jesse, building his training as well as training the angels to think without their grace and to use their vessels to the fullest. It was quite a humbling experience for some of them. "They also have taken in a young woman, another hunter. Sam said you knew her. Krissy Chambers?"

Dean smiled and Castiel was glad to see it reached his eyes as he apparently fondly remembered the young woman. "Yeah, I know her. How did they wind up with her?"

"Sam found her injured on a hunt a few months ago. She called one of your old telephone numbers. He brought her back home and Ryan has taken her in, I suppose."

"She loves taking in strays, doesn't she?"

Castiel smiled as well. "Indeed. Quite a few now, I suppose. Luckily her house is so big." He paused, and added, "She has two other…for lack of a better word, foster children in her care as well." _One of which is your son, Ben. Dean, you are missing so much. _Castiel's heart ached for his friend. Dean had no idea what he was missing, and they couldn't tell him, not yet. There was a reason Gabriel had asked Ryan to keep this from Dean, one they weren't quite certain of. But Gabriel was an archangel. He would know if it was safe or not, and if he had warned Ryan against telling Dean of the children, he had a good reason for it. So, though he longed to, he didn't mention his friend's children. Instead, he talked of Ryan. "She's a good woman. She has been through so much. It is no wonder heaven has taken a liking to her. She will be richly rewarded for her good deeds on earth."

"That's…nice."

Cas glanced at the clock on the wall. As much as he loved their talks, he did have a meeting. He spent quite a bit of time on Earth, more often than not, for pleasure, but he had to return to Heaven for business. "I am sorry, Dean, I need to go. Hannah has a meeting scheduled I can't be late for."

"Sure, Cas. Thanks, man, for everything."

"Sam misses you," Cas stated hurriedly as he stood. Even if he couldn't get Dean and Ryan together, he could at least mention the fact Dean's brother missed him terribly. Some days Sam seemed to hide it. But most days, it was all too apparent there was a gaping hole within the man. "He would love to see you."

"Yeah, no, I don't think that would be good," Dean told him as he, too, stood, and threw some money on the table.

They walked out of the café together. Cas stopped him with a hand on his arm. "He has forgiven you for what you said in the warehouse. He knows that wasn't you, reacting that way."

"Cas, man…"

"Just think about it, Dean. You know the two of you don't do well separate."

"We couldn't be more separate if we tried. I don't want what I am to influence him into doing something wrong, Cas."

"You are a demon, Dean, but that is not the only thing you are." Cas paused. "Think about it." He turned and in a flutter of wings, along with a heavy heart, he was gone.

* * *

**February Fourteenth **

**Sam POV**

He could hear Ryan singing as he made his way downstairs and he chuckled as he glanced around the corner. She was dancing with a spatula in her hand, using it as a microphone as she channeled her inner Pat Benatar. "Hit me with your best shot, fire away!"

Jon clapped his hands and Bobby was yelling, "Go Mama!" at the top of his lungs.

"She's awesome, isn't she?" Ben asked quietly as he came up behind Sam.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, she is."

"How did we end up here, Sam?"

Sam thought a moment as he continued to watch Ryan and the little boys who were now dancing with her and inclined his head Ryan's direction. "Her. Because of her, Ben, we're all alive right now. If it wasn't for Ryan, I don't know where we would be."

"I love her," Ben told him. "She's…she's not my Mom, but Dean could have done a whole lot worse."

Sam couldn't have agreed more. "She's special, I'll give you that."

"What is it about her, Sam?"

Sam thought a moment as he watched her. She could have given up. She could have tried and tried until she finally managed to kill herself, but she didn't. She moved on, somehow. He gave Ben a sad little smile. "She builds people up, Ben. She builds others up because she knows what it's like to be torn down, to be nothing. She doesn't want that fate to fall on you guys. She wants so much for you all. And she'll go to the ends of the earth for you. Remember that."

Ben nodded. "For what it's worth, if I had known, if she and Dean had gotten together, if he had been in my life more…I still would have loved her. She just…she instills loyalty, you know?"

_Like Dean does, _Sam thought. But he didn't say it. Some days Ben accepted Dean as his father. Others, not so much.

"Are you pervs going to lurk around out there all day or are you going to come eat some pancakes?" she called without looking up as she poured batter on the huge electric skillet once more.

Ben laughed. "I'll go get Jesse."

Sam watched him walk down the stairs to the basement and smiled as he turned and walked into the kitchen.

"So, Ryan, I found a case."

Her eyebrow lifted as she flipped a pancake onto a plate and handed it to him. Two more quickly followed. "Oh? Do tell."

He walked over and sat his plate down before going to grab a mug for some coffee. "I think it's a djinn."

"Oooooh, I haven't hunted a djinn in like, forever. Matter of fact, I only hunted one once, with Bobby, about a million years ago."

Sam's nose wrinkled in disgust. "We've dealt with them two or three times. Last time, we found out there's a bastardized offshoot of the djinn that feeds off fear."

"Fun stuff," she murmured as she plated up two more short stacks, cut them up, squirted some syrup on them, and placed them in front of the little boys. She glanced up at him. "So…who we sending it out to?" she asked as she put a bib on Jon and tucked Bobby's napkin into his collar.

"Honestly? I thought we could take it."

She stood straight and looked at him as he poured his coffee. "What?"

He took a sip of his drink before he said, "Well, I mean, we don't have to, but it sounds like it could be that offshoot I've dealt with before. And if it is, I'm not sure anyone else can handle it…"

She smirked like she could read him. Well, really, she could. Since they'd started hunting off and on, he found he missed it more than he realized. Of course, he loved the studying, loved helping the other hunters, loved being in The Bunker, but occasionally, he got the fire going in his belly and needed the hunt. She pursed her lips before she smiled. "Alright. We've got to get babysitting lined up."

"Just like that?" he inquired.

She shrugged. "I've only hunted one djinn, Sam. I'm eager to see some action, and I'm eager to see if it's this new kind. Tell me more. After breakfast," she added as the teenagers filed into the room. She went from Hunter to Mom like she had flipped a switch in her brain as she called, "Okay, who's hungry?"

Sam moved out of the way as the teens filed through for breakfast and only after everyone was seated, did he take his seat at the island to eat with Ryan. Their breakfast table only sat six comfortably and no one liked eating in the dining room, so usually the kids took the table while Ryan and Sam sat at the island on barstools. It was nice to have a break from the little ones, too, and the four oldest were all quite eager to help with the babies, even though three of them had pretty much no experience with kids. It was always interesting to watch them all interact.

Ryan plopped next to him and took a generous sip of her milk. Sam had never understood her fascination with the drink. She drank at least two or three glasses a day. He liked milk, just not that much. "Good call on the pancake flavor this morning, Bobby!" she called to the boy. At Sam's raised eyebrow she shrugged. "I let him choose." The pancakes were cinnamon roll flavored.

"Good call," Sam reiterated as he shoveled a forkful into his mouth.

"So, Hope, think you'll get a ton of valentines today?" he heard Ben tease.

"Shut it, Ben!" she growled, blushing furiously.

Sam blinked. "Is today Valentine's Day?"

A chorus of "Duh's" sounded, causing him to roll his eyes. "Well, excuse me. Anyone got any hot dates I need to know about?"

All he got was stony silence. Jesse had decided to join Krissy and Ben as seniors in high school, and Hope had started out the year as a junior, but when Jesse came back to Lebanon, she requested a transfer so she could be in the same grade as the other three. And though she was so much younger than them, almost six years younger than Ben, who was the youngest of the older kids, she fit right in with them. Sam actually suspected she didn't need school anymore. He had noticed that angelic grace of hers was making her react to things differently than she used to, although, most of the time, she was still definitely Dean's kid. "Come on. Seriously?" he asked, incredulous, "You four are young. Why aren't you out there…"

"Samuel Winchester," Ryan admonished. "I really don't want this discussed right here, right now."

He opened his mouth, but then closed it and cleared his throat. "Okay…well, just…you four be safe."

"God, Sam!" he heard chorused and he chuckled. He'd have to make sure to pass out some condoms, just in case. They sure as hell didn't need any _other _kids in the house. He knew Ryan had kind of given the girls a talk. Hope was, after all, too young to be thinking about sex, no matter what, but Kris was almost an adult. Maybe he needed to have a brush up about sex with the boys. The thought made him lose his appetite.

Ryan noticed him push his plate away and she smirked. "Now you know what _I _worry about when they go out on a date." She had put her foot down about Hope dating, though. She could go out with the other kids, but she was still too young to date by herself. It had led to quite an argument between mother and daughter and he was quite glad he hadn't been part of their discussion. He disciplined the kids, especially the little boys, but Hope, he tended to let Ryan handle. She knew her the best.

He glanced over at the four sitting, talking amongst themselves and cleared his throat again. "Shit. Who knew _I _would end up being someone to have sex talks with kids? I've got the worst track record of any man, ever."

Ryan giggled and punched his arm. "Well, you're still re-virginated. Maybe you can teach them abstinence."

"Ha-fucking-ha," he shot back at her as he picked up his coffee. He would need a lot more caffeine in order to talk sex with the boys.

After breakfast, he walked down the steps to the basement where the guys were getting their backpacks together for school. He had the box of condoms Ryan had given him for Christmas with him. He hadn't, however, felt the need to bring the _other _present she'd given him and he really couldn't believe she had presented him with a Pocket Pussy, but she'd reminded him if he wasn't getting the real thing, he still needed to look out for his health. Honestly, he was fairly certain she waschanneling Dean half the time. "Uh, guys? Can I have a minute?"

Both of the teens looked up at him and he blushed. "Uh, so, this morning…it got me to thinking…Dean used to love Valentine's day. He said it was Unattached Drifter Christmas. And, well, you two don't have girlfriends and some of the girls will be lonely and, uh, they're easy pickings and…"

Jesse looked as embarrassed as Sam felt, but Ben grinned and snagged a few condoms from Sam's box, shoving them into his pocket. "Thanks, Sam. I was hoping to score with Keena Driscoll. Maybe if I tell her it's a national holiday, she'll give me a taste."

"Don't be a dick," Jesse admonished softly. Sam smiled. Jesse was quiet. He rarely spoke, but if he did, usually Ben listened to him. It was interesting how quickly the two boys had bonded.

"Just because you're still a virgin…" Ben began and before Sam could stop him, Jesse had shoved Ben into the wall, forgoing his demon powers and using brute force.

"Guys!" Sam shouted as he walked to separate the two boys. He was beginning to regret training them both. It wouldn't be long and they would both be able to beat his ass.

"At least I'm not some kind of whore fucking everything that will let me touch her," Jesse shot back as his hand tightened around Ben's neck.

Ben shrugged as he looked into Jesse's eyes, all but daring him to squeeze harder. "I'm my old man's. What can I say?"

Sam blew out a breath as he tapped Jesse's arm and the boy let the other go but didn't move just yet. Ben had begun referring to Dean as his father, but usually it was in a derogatory capacity. "Cool it. Both of you."

The two boys separated and snapped up their backpacks. "Look," Sam tried again, "You don't have to go out and have sex if you don't want to. You're both, well, I wouldn't say mature," he said as he glared at Ben, who smirked, but Sam could see it didn't reach his eyes, "But you're both old enough to know which way the wind blows. Ben, Dean was…"

"A man-whore?" Ben provided scornfully.

"You know what? Yeah, he was. But he was considerate."

"Sure. Which is why Ryan's got three of his kids by herself and I didn't even know he was my dad until he stole our memories and walked away from us!"

Sam shut his eyes to stave off the pain and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not going to argue with you about this. Shit happens. We deal with it." He thrust a couple of more condoms in Ben's hand to prove his point. "But try to make sure that shit doesn't happen to you, okay? Dean never thought he had a future. You do. That makes a big damn difference, alright?"

"Yeah, whatever," Ben stated aloofly as he walked away.

Sam watched him go with a sigh. He turned to the other teen. "Jesse…" Sam began.

Jesse shook his head and walked over to Sam. "I'll talk to him. Valentine's Day is hard. He remembers his mom going out on dates and stuff before and after Dean. He knows how hurt she was after Dean left. How hard it was for her, having a kid get in the way of holidays like today."

"I didn't mean to make this complicated," Sam began. _Shit. I suck at this. Damn you, Dean. This is your job, not mine…_

Jesse held up his hand. "It's cool. Really. He's just…he's kinda pissed at Dean today."

He wasn't sure why it surprised him, but it did. He hadn't realized Ben and Jesse had become that close. "You two have talked?"

Jesse shrugged. "Who else is he going to talk to, Sam? No offense, but you've got your hands full with the M.O.L. stuff. He and I talk about shit. It's all good."

Sam watched the boy walk out of the room and sighed. Parenthood was a fucking bitch.

It took them a few days to get everything lined up, but by the following weekend, Sam and Ryan were hitting the road in Sam's new sedan. It had a huge trunk he'd overhauled for his weapons cache and still had enough space for a body if need be. It also had a built-in jack for his iPod, which Ryan was currently playing with. She had slid her boots off and had her feet up on the dashboard. He's gotten over trying to tell her to stop. If she rode shotgun, her feet were on the dash.

She let out a snort. "You've got more girl music on this thing than I have on mine." She snickered at something on there, before, "Maybe even more," she commented as she put on Pat Monahan's "Her Eyes" and proceeded to sing it.

He shot her a look as he listened to the words. It made his heart hurt for some reason as he thought of her. He was having a really hard time not falling for her. It had been a struggle already, but it was getting worse. He knew it wasn't just because they were in close proximity. Ryan was an awesome person and he did _love _her, he just couldn't be _in _love with her. That would only bring trouble. To everyone. So, he buried it, taking a page out of his brother's book. After all, wasn't it the Winchester way to bury everything you ever felt? He cleared his throat. "So, did you get a chance to look over the information I put together on this djinn?"

She nodded as she turned the volume down so they could talk. "Yep. I did. Sounds intriguing. Wish Charlie was here so we could ask her about being under the effects of it. I mean, I read what you had her write up for her entry into the Men of Letters, brilliant idea, by the way, but it would be easier if we had a bit more information."

He shrugged. "I know. Too bad cell phones don't work in Oz."

She giggled. "That would be a trip, wouldn't it?" She was quiet a moment. "Do you think she'll be back?"

He hadn't forgotten Ryan had met Charlie once. Ryan told him of the time Charlie learned the truth about Dean and Ryan from Frank Deveraux's hard drive and came to visit her. "I hope so," he said finally.

Ryan pulled out her phone and looked at the GPS. "Okay, so, it looks like we've got a drive. Want to trade off in a couple of hours, get there faster?"

He nodded. "Works for me."

She scooted down a bit further in her seat, grabbed her jacket and draped it over herself like a blanket. "Okay, wake me when you're ready to switch."

He glanced at her as he eased the car onto the interstate. She could fall asleep at the drop of a hat if she told her body it needed rest. He supposed it was a good thing in their line of work.

Hours later, he woke her gently and she glanced around, owl-eyed. "Where are we?"

"Almost out of Colorado. You want to drive?"

She yawned and nodded. "Sure. You didn't have to drive this damn far, Sam."

He shrugged. "It's a long ass ride to San Diego. It's fine." He pulled the car into a truck stop where they got a bite to eat and filled the car with gas before she slid behind the wheel.

He sank into the passenger seat and watched as Ryan punched a few buttons on his iPod and P!ink blared out at him. She grinned. "You know, you really do have some good shit on here, Sam."

He was just glad she hadn't put on the classic rock. She had been pretty good about not reminding him too much of hunting with his brother. Occasionally, she couldn't help it, but she tried. That was the main thing. It warmed his heart, too.

He wadded up his jacket under his head and fell asleep as P!nk sang about being Sober…

He was jerked awake by Maroon 5 blasting out of the speakers and Ryan singing. Loudly. Seductively.

_**So what you trying to do to me  
It's like we can't stop, we're enemies  
But we get along when I'm inside you, eh  
You're like a drug that's killing me  
I cut you out entirely  
But I get so high when I'm inside you**_

Ryan had obviously cranked the volume dial to full blast and the music blaring. He glared at the woman who was bobbing her head, singing every damn word at the top of her lungs. "Rise and shine, Sammy!" she called.

He winced and turned the volume down. Just that quick, she reminded him of Dean. He wasn't even sure she realized it, when she did it. "Was that really necessary?"

She grinned as she danced in the seat, head bobbing, shimmying her shoulders, one hand barely on the wheel and ignored him as she turned the music up again and sang her heart out.

_**Baby I'm preying on you tonight  
Hunt you down eat you alive  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals**_

_**Maybe you think that you can hide  
I can smell your scent for miles  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals**_

He closed his eyes as the song affected him. It was so blatantly sexual and Ryan didn't mean it. She had no idea the reaction her singing it was having on him as she sang along with Adam Levine.

_**So if I run it's not enough  
You're still in my head forever stuck  
So you can do what you wanna do, eh  
I love your lies I'll eat 'em up  
But don't deny the animal  
That comes alive when I'm inside you**_

He let out a growl. He couldn't help it. His hands fisted at his sides and he looked out the side window so she wouldn't notice what she was doing to him.

_**Yeah you can start over you can run free  
You can find other fish in the sea  
You can pretend it's meant to be  
But you can't stay away from me  
I can still hear you making that sound  
Taking me down rolling on the ground  
You can pretend that it was me  
But no, oh**_

_God, help me, _he groaned gently and shifted slightly to calm his…issues below the belt. He wondered if maybe there was a spell in the MOL spell books to take care of this. Like an anti-love potion. But, if he did that, he was afraid it would ruin everything else between them. No, he couldn't do that. He would just have to suck it up and deal with it. Right?

_**Don't tell no lie, lie lie lie  
You can't deny, ny ny ny  
The beast inside, side side side  
Yeah yeah yeah**_

_Fuck. She's going to kill me. Damn you, Ryan…_

Finally, when the song was blessedly over, she turned it down and side-eyed him. "At least I chose one of your semi-favorite bands to wake you up. I was being completely considerate." He shot her a glare and her grin grew. "Well, I thought you'd like to see the sun rising over the desert, in any case." She yawned. "Besides, I need sleep."

For once, he actually looked around. It was still dark, but the clock on the radio showed it was early morning. "You drove all night?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Why not? It was nice; the silence, me and the radio, kinda like when I was hunting by myself, back in the day. It was just peace, you know? Our lives are so hectic now, and I'm a loner by nature. I enjoyed it."

He smiled and nodded. He had noticed that about her. "So…sunrise then breakfast?"

"Then sleep," she commented.

"You want to keep going or find a motel?"

She yawned again. "I don't care, whatever. I'd just as soon get to San Diego, personally. I mean, the sooner we get there, we might save somebody, right? We can sleep when we're finished, or at the very least, when we get there."

"If you're sure…"

"Why not?" She pulled them into a drive-thru restaurant where they grabbed coffee and some breakfast sandwiches before she drove them out to the desert just in time to see the great orange ball making its way over the horizon.

"This is beautiful," Sam commented. "Thanks, Ryan."

She shrugged as she sipped her coffee. "It is beautiful. I miss the desert. I loved living out here, so did Hope."

"Do you regret moving to Kansas?" he asked softly.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed. "I love our life, Sam. But sometimes, it's complicated."

He chortled. _No shit, Sherlock. _"You could say that." He paused. "You think Ann will be okay with the little ones?"

"Of course. Kris will take Bobby to preschool, then all Ann will have to deal with is Jon, and he's easygoing enough as long as she keeps him away from flames and doesn't piss him off too much." They shared a laugh at that. Jon had a short temper and he could set things into action without realizing it if they weren't watching what he was doing. They were all in hopes once he got a bit older, he could control things better. At least with the pyromancy, it seemed as though he needed to _see _the flames in order to spin them out of control. Ryan no longer burned candles around the house for that very reason.

Once the sun was fully up, they climbed back into the car and continued on their way.

Ryan only slept for about an hour or so before she was wide awake and they talked the rest of the way into San Diego where they tiredly pulled into one of the first hotels they came to. They both yawned as they walked into the office to get their room. They usually got a room with two beds, just like Sam had always done with Dean. That hadn't proven to be too complicated besides the fact she had to watch herself floss in the mirror and she liked to hum, loudly, while she gargled. Honestly, he had gotten used to it. She loved music even more than Dean did and anywhere she was rarely had a quiet moment because if music wasn't playing, she made damn sure some was coming from somewhere, even if she made it up herself.

Ryan scrubbed a hand over her face as she walked up to the reception desk and pulled her hair down from its ponytail to fish it back up again. "Need a room with two doubles," she stated on another yawn.

"Sorry. We're booked."

"Great," she stated flatly. "Ever thought of flicking that damn sign to "NO" out there in regards to vacancies?" she told him snidely.

"Ryan," Sam warned. "Cool it." He looked at the man and smiled. "Sorry. We're tired. It's been a long trip. Thanks."

They turned to walk away when the man said, "You ain't gonna find anything."

They turned back to him. "What?"

The man shrugged. "Some kind of convention going on in town. Ain't no vacancies anywhere."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Of course." Her brows knit. "Wait. What kind of convention? SDCC isn't for months."

Sam's eyebrow rose as he looked at her.

She caught his glare. "What?" He sent her an amused smiled. He knew she was a giant nerd. She liked nerdy stuff. Like him. Like…Dean. "Shut up," she retorted as she glared back at the clerk. "So, what? We gonna have to sleep in our car? Awesome."

"I got a room. King size bed. Honeymoon suite."

"We'll take it," Ryan said as she plopped some cash on the counter.

"Ryan. Uh…"

She turned to look at him. "We're dead on our feet, Sam. It's just a bed. We can sleep in the same one."

"Yeah, but…" He was desperately searching for any excuse to…

She glared at him tiredly. "Hey, you wanna sleep in the car, be my guest. Personally, I want to get horizontal and stretch out before we, you know, handle the thing with the thing…? I need sleep, real sleep. I'm not as young as I used to be, Sam."

He chuckled under his breath. Some days it seemed like she was younger than him. She had energy for days. She was like the little boys. She ran until she dropped. "Fine. We'll get the stupid room."

She filled out the paperwork and the man handed her two keys. She handed one to Sam and they walked out to the car. He drove them to the room and looked at the door with the two hearts on it with trepidation.

Ryan scoffed at him and stood before grabbing her bag from the back seat. "Come on, Sam, it's fine."

"Says you," he muttered as he followed her to the room. "I don't…I don't like this, Ryan," he commented.

Her eyebrow rose as she turned to him. "What? Afraid I'm going to steal that precious virtue of yours, Sam?" she teased.

His eyes narrowed at her. "No. I just…"

She smiled. "It's fine. Look, see? It's a huge-ass bed. There's plenty of room for both of us. Let's get busy researching."

"Sleep first, Ryan. We're both exhausted. And you didn't sleep as much as I did…" At her pout, he said, "Weren't you the one just telling me we aren't as young as we used to be? We can't pull all nighters and then stay up three more days in a row."

She stuck her tongue out at him before she sighed as she dropped her bag onto the bed and began digging through it. She pulled out what he knew were her yoga pants and tee she usually slept in. "Fine. I'll go brush my teeth."

He smirked as she walked to the bathroom. He eyed the bed and sighed. No, he didn't have a terrific feeling about this.

A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom with her hair in a plait down her back and her face free of makeup. Honestly, that was how he liked seeing her the best. She didn't need makeup and all that crap to be pretty. She walked over to the bed and glanced at him. "I'm sleeping on this side, okay?"

"Uh…okay?" he asked on a shrug. "Whatever." He glanced through his bag looking for his sleep pants and caught her dropping her pants out of the corner of his eye. "Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?"

"Going to bed…" she began. "Why?"

"Pants?"

She shrugged. "I don't sleep in pants. I'm too hot natured. I sleep in a tee shirt and underwear."

"We've lived together for two years. We've gone on six hunts together. How is it I never knew this?"

"Is this a problem, Sam?"

He shook his head. "This isn't a good idea, Ryan. I…I'll sleep on the floor, I'll…"

"Would you stop being such a pussy, Sam? I'm not going to molest you in your sleep, you big girl."

"I…" he didn't know what to say to that. He was being ridiculous, right?

She rolled her eyes and slid under the covers. "See? The bed didn't swallow me whole. You'll be fine, Sam. Your virtue is safe from me, I swear it."

His eyes narrowed as he glared at the bed. He was going back to hell by the time the night was over, he knew it. He sighed, squared his shoulders, and went to get ready for bed.

He emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later to find her sound asleep. He looked at her a minute. She looked so young, so innocent, sound asleep. She had the corner of the blanket tucked up under her cheek on the pillow and her arms were wrapped around that corner of the blanket, almost as if she were hugging it. She let out a little whimper and her brows knit. He smiled. She really was beautiful, inside and out.

Just then, she whimpered again and murmured, "Dean," and he sighed. Yeah, Dean would always be between them. He really did need to go out and find him somebody, maybe if he just… He shook his head and slid under the covers. He was wearing his tee shirt and sleep pants, so he felt like he was covered well enough. He wasn't sure if he'd get to sleep or not. This wasn't the most comfortable he'd ever been. He tried to go to sleep on his side with his back to her, but he couldn't. That wasn't the side he usually slept on. He flipped to his back, but couldn't find any comfort there, either. Finally, he turned over and looked right into her sleeping face. Sometime during his tossing and turning, she had turned over toward him.

He huffed out a breath and closed his eyes again. _Just go to sleep, Sam, _he commanded himself. He was almost asleep when he felt her small hand on his waist. He sucked in a breath as she snuggled into him and he groaned softly. _Fuck. I'm screwed. _

* * *

**Ryan POV**

Ryan heard her phone vibrate on the bedside table and she opened her eyes to see the sun lighting the room. Her attention, however, was quickly diverted to the large hand curved around her waist. She blinked awake and shifted slightly, only for the arm and hand to constrict slightly, pulling her firmly against him. Him and his morning wood. Sam's hand moved, his thumb brushing her nipple through her shirt and she gently tried to move it. He was sound asleep, she could tell by his breathing pattern. She tried to maneuver out of his grasp to no avail. Her shoulders dropped and she huffed out a sigh. She didn't want to wake him up, but she wasn't sure she had a choice. When he tightened his grip once more, she sighed anew and tapped his arm. "Sam. I gotta pee, hon."

It was as if he had been tasered. He shot up out of the bed and stared down at her. "Jesus! I'm so sorry, Ryan!" he all but shouted.

She turned over and looked at him as he ran a hand through his hair and she smiled. "Sam, it's fine. You were asleep. I'm sure I…" she shook her head as her grin grew. She was feeling particularly evil this morning. "It was just a nipple brush and a little cock contact. I'll live."

"Oh, God," he muttered as he sank onto the bed to sit and put his head in his hands.

She rolled to her knees and hugged him from behind. "Sam…"

He shoved her off and stood again. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll get another room tonight. I can't…I can't do this, Ryan."

She watched him go with knit brows. _What did I do in my sleep last night? _That thought was quickly followed by, _shit! I really needed to pee!_ She rolled her eyes and stood to get dressed.

He came out of the bathroom about fifteen minutes later fully dressed. She had wisely slid her pants back on but had decided she really wanted to take a nice, hot shower. "Are you okay, Sam?" she asked as he walked to his satchel to get his laptop out.

"Fine," he bit out.

"Sam…" she bit her lip.

He sighed. "Look, you were right, okay? I need to go get laid. It's that simple. I'm sorry, Ryan."

She didn't know how to handle this. She could tell something had happened, or she had done something, but she didn't know what. She could guess it had something to do with their close contact, but, really what was the big deal? He was acting a tad irrational about the whole thing, wasn't he? "I, uh, I'm sorry, Sam, for whatever I did…"

He let out a flat little laugh. "That's just it. You have no fucking clue."

For some reason, that put her back up. "Look, don't be such a girl, Sam. I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what I did! If you just tell me…"

"You're just you, okay? You're so fucking perfect and it's pissing me off!"

She blinked. "Alright…" _Confuse me much, Sam? _

He sighed and ran a hand through his still-wet hair. "Just, go get dressed. It's fine. It's a personal problem."

She licked her lips and nodded. "Okay. When I get out, we'll go grab some breakfast, alright? I saw an IHOP on the way in…then we can start our queries…"

"Whatever," he replied bitterly.

She picked up her bag and walked into the bathroom before she shut the door behind her. She didn't know what was going on with him, but she knew she was the cause of it.

She showered and got ready for the day quickly enough and they left to do their investigating. He was cold all day long, rarely speaking to her, and even when he did, it was with clipped answers and short questions. She knew he must have been uncomfortable with their close proximity the night before, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out why. He was like a brother to her. Nothing about Sam made her uncomfortable, not anymore. So she couldn't figure out why he was acting so weird.

Finally, later in the day, when they'd returned to the hotel room, she said, "Look, Sam, I get that whatever stick up your ass is there because of me, I just wish you'd tell me _why_ it's there."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ryan…I can't, okay?"

She huffed out a sigh just as her stomach rumbled. This…chasm between them wouldn't get solved by a quick word, obviously. Maybe she could pry it out of him over a meal. "Look, I'm starving. Let's go grab some food, some booze, then we can work on this some more. Sound good?"

He nodded and gave her a half smile she noticed didn't reach is eyes. "Yeah, sounds great."

They went to a little dive a couple of blocks down the road they had heard one of the victims had frequented. They didn't think it was the place anyone had met their doom, but they were still cautious as they made their way inside. As they were ordering, Ryan noticed the waitress covertly ogling Sam, so when the woman arrived back with their beers, Ryan said, "I sure will be glad to get back to my kids, Perry."

He shot her a bitchface, but murmured, "Yeah, I bet you will, Tyler."

"You got a girlfriend yet?" she managed with a small grin as she stole the beer from the woman's tray and took a generous swig.

The bitchface intensified. "No, Tyler. Not at the moment."

Ryan shrugged. "Eh well, good looking guy like you? You're bound to find someone. You're a decent fellow. I'd vouch for ya."

"Thanks," he growled as the woman walked away with a smile in his direction. His eyes narrowed at Ryan. "Seriously?"

She smirked. "Check your napkin, hotshot."

He glanced down, where, sure enough, the woman had left her telephone number.

"She was just waiting for conformation we weren't together, slugger."

He rolled his eyes and blew out a breath. "Damn it, Ryan."

She smiled and sipped her beer.

"You do realize how long it has been since I've had sex, right?"

She shrugged. "Last time I checked, it was just like riding a bike."

"Ryan…"

The waitress came back with their food and Ryan said to her, "Listen, hun, I've got to go. Could you package mine up, let me take it with?"

The woman smiled. "Sure."

Ryan watched the chick leave and her eyebrow rose as she leaned to the side a bit to watch her walk away. "Damn. She's got a nice ass."

"Ryan…" Sam warned anew.

She focused on the bitchy man across from her and rolled her eyes. "Geez, Sam, go get a piece of ass already. I did all the work for you. If you can't seal the deal, that's your problem." She smiled as the woman hurried back toward them with a paper bag. "Look, I'm going to the room. If I see your ass back before morning? I'm going to beat you black and blue. Capiche?"

He sighed but nodded. "Fine. But I don't appreciate this, Ryan."

"You may not, but your dick just might send me flowers tomorrow."

"Jerk," he replied.

"Bitch," she smirked lovingly. She shot him a wink once more before she walked away.

Once outside, she punched the keyfob on the keys and walked to the car. She was just about to open the door when something shoved her into the door of the vehicle.

She tried to turn, but all she heard was, "Pretty, pretty princess," a hit, and then, nothing.

"Ryan? Come on, Ry. Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey."

Ryan's brows knit and she blinked awake. The face of the man hovering over her swam into focus and she gasped. "Dean?"

He smirked. "Hey, kid. Long time no see."

She struggled to a sitting position and leaned against the car, wincing as she reached up to feel a small knot on her head. "What are you…? Why are you…? You're a…"

His smirk grew as he flicked black eyes at her. "Yeah. Demon. Got the memo. But that's not all I am."

She should have been terrified, but she wasn't. This was _Dean_. Of course he wasn't a scary demon, right? She smiled warily. "Uh…what are you doing here?"

"Hunting a djinn. I assumed you and Sammy were, too, when I saw you in the bar."

_He saw us in the bar? _"Why didn't you come over?"

He shrugged. "You two looked cozy."

She opened her mouth then shut it. She rolled her eyes. "He should be getting a piece of strange right about now."

Dean chuckled and stood. He held out a hand for her and she took it, relishing the feel of his hand in hers. It was so achingly familiar, the warmth, the calloused roughness, the gentleness as his thumb ran across the back of her hand…she had to stop herself from whimpering at the contact. As it was, he smiled a knowing smile at her. "So…what's fun to do around here?"

"Besides hunt and eat crappy burgers? Nothing."

He licked his lips and her mouth went dry. "I could think of a few things we could do…"

"Dean…"

"You know you want to say 'yes', Ryan."

She debated for about a half a second. Did she want to have sex with Dean? Even though he was a demon? "Yes," she purred.

He grinned and grasped her waist, transporting her immediately to her motel room.

She let out a gasp as he shoved her onto the bed. "What the…?"

"Demon air," he growled as his mouth attacked her nipple through her shirt. "Quickest way to fly."

"Fuck, Dean," she moaned as her lower half bucked into his and one leg wrapped around his waist.

"Damn, Ryan, you're sex on legs," he moaned as he tore at her clothes, all but ripping them to shreds in his need to get to her naked flesh.

Her own hands were busy as well, unfastening his belt and his jeans to reach him. Once she had his length in her hand, his eyes rolled back in his head as he thrust a few times, letting her fuck him with her hand a moment before he grinned back down at her. "Nope," he teased on the grin as he pulled away and stood.

She licked her lips in longing as he slowly undressed. She shimmied out of what was left of her own clothing so when he finally returned to her, naked, she was lying open and ready for him.

He stalked onto the bed, his mouth trailing wet kisses from her feet all the way up to the apex of her thighs where he took one languid lick. Her fingers twisted in his hair and he huffed out a breath as his teeth nipped at her femoral artery. "You smell like Heaven, peaches," he purred.

She grasped his face and hauled him up to her. She bit his lower lip and his tongue darted into her mouth. She moaned at his flavor and sucked on his tongue until finally, he shoved her away.

She smirked as her head hit the pillow. "You taste like sin," she replied.

He grinned. "I know." His hands began moving all over her, fisting on her breasts, tickling down her sides, moving to her arms to force them above her head. He put her hands on the headboard. "Better hold on, Ryan."

She licked her lips again and nodded, grabbing the headboard for all she was worth and she screamed as he plunged into her. "Fuck!" she cried as he began his rough ministrations.

"Fuck is right," he panted as his mouth moved to her neck. She felt him bite her and she let out a whine at the sensation, knowing she would be marked come morning. And honestly? She didn't give a shit.

"Damn, you feel good," he ground out as he continued to thrust.

"So…do…you…" she whined as she felt the quickening start. She felt his hand move between them and began roughly toying with her clit and she screamed as the orgasm was ripped from her and he yelled out an oath as he came right behind her.

He fell lightly to her side and she panted out a breath. "Holy shit. I didn't know how much I needed that."

He smirked. "Little brother isn't looking out for you in that aspect? He is, after all, smaller in that department."

She rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. "Dick. You know I don't like Sam that way. I never have. It's always been you."

He smiled. "Yeah, but I like hearing it."

"Asshole," she murmured on a yawn.

"Yep. That's me." He stretched and stood. She admired the view of his ass as he walked to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up with. He tossed it her way and she sat up to catch it.

Her brows furrowed as he started slipping on his jeans. "Leaving so soon?"

"We're hunting a djinn, Ryan," he told her and she heard the 'duh' in his tone. "Get your ass dressed and let's go hunt the damn thing."

She smiled. "You want to hunt. With me."

"Why else did I pop topside? Yes. I want to hunt. Get your shit together, woman. I do have a full-time job now, you know."

She bit her lip to stop her grin from growing any wider and scampered up to redress.

"Remind me how you know this is where the djinn is?" Ryan asked softly as they made their way into the warehouse, lamb's blood dipped silver knives in their hands.

"I'm a demon, sweetheart. We've got built in radar for things that go bump in the night."

"Why haven't you come and hunted with us more often? We could use your help."

He shrugged. "I'm busy with shit, Ryan. I can't just take vacation days."

She stopped and looked at him. "Look, Dean, there are things you need to know…"

"What? You mean like the fact you've got all my illegitimate children living with you and Sam?"

She gasped. "Wh-What?"

He shot her a look. "I'm not an idiot, Ryan. Meg filled me in. You didn't really think a demon whore would be loyal to you, did you? Of course I know. I know everything."

"Then you know why I…"

"Save it. It doesn't matter, anyway."

"But Jon…"

"Jon is a baby, right? So, you send him to dear old daddy when he gets grown up, I'll show him how to be a real demon."

Ryan shivered as his eyes flickered to black. Perhaps she had been wrong. Maybe she needed to be afraid…

He smiled. "Scared?"

"No," she tried, but her voice wavered.

He chuckled flatly. "I'm not _him_, Ryan. Not all demons are created equal."

"But most of them are evil," she stated, unable to help herself.

He smirked. "So we are." He held out his hand and she felt herself being pushed against a metal beam.

"Dean?"

His eyes narrowed. "Poor, stupid Ryan. You just don't get it, do you?"

"G-Get what?" she managed.

"Any of it. I'm a _demon, _sweetcheeks. You think I care? About you? About my brother? Please. I don't even care about those kids you have."

"Th-Then why…?"

He smiled coldly and she felt her heart stop momentarily before it began beating double time. She tried to move, but his powers were holding her immobile against the beam. He held up the knife and she felt her blood run cold as he traced it along her cheek gently, lovingly. He traced it down her neck, down between her breasts, and finally stopped at her abdomen. "Because I can," he said simply as he plunged the knife into her side.

* * *

**Sam POV**

Sam smiled a little as he made his way out of the woman, Lorene's, apartment the next morning. Maybe Ryan had been right and he just needed to blow off some steam. He sure as hell had done that. And then some. He felt immensely better, to be honest, and didn't that just irritate the hell out of him? Of course, he couldn't deny he still had feelings for Ryan, but obviously, his abstinence hadn't helped matters. He'd needed an outlet. And he had certainly gotten that a few times throughout the night. He popped his neck and walked down the stairs to where the cab was waiting. He could have hotwired a car, but it just wasn't worth it.

He yawned and had the cabbie stop at a mom and pops for some takeout breakfast before making his way back to the motel. He knocked on the door, and when Ryan didn't answer it, he opened it with his key.

Everything was just as they'd left it. Ryan didn't make beds, in fact, she was adamantly against making them, so Sam had made it the morning before, and it still had his military precision corners on it. His laptop was still sitting right where he'd left it. Nothing had been moved at all since they'd left to go grab dinner the night before.

"Ryan?" he called softly, but he knew she wasn't there. He dashed back outside and jogged the three blocks to the bar and gasped as he saw the car sitting right where they'd parked it. A closer inspection showed the keyring had been kicked under the car and the bag that held Ryan's food was spilled on the ground as well.

"Oh shit. Ryan," he murmured as he glanced around. Where could she be?

* * *

**Ryan POV**

She felt a slap and it jerked her into consciousness. "No passing out on me," Dean growled as he walked back to the table that held his weapons.

"P-Please, Dean. What do you want?" she cried, the tears now running and burning the cuts on her face.

"I just want to have a little fun, Ryan," he stated coldly. "Is that too much to ask?"

"W-We can have all the fun you want, baby," she tried, blood spilling out of her mouth. "P-Please, just…let me go. I won't tell anyone, I swear."

He laughed. "Who would you tell, anyway? Sam? Cas? Meg? No one will believe you. No one thinks dear old Dean is a bad guy. Cas worships the ground I walk on. Meg's terrified of me. With good reason. And Sammy? Well, let's be honest, Sam will be hurt when I tell him you died on the djinn case, especially since he's in love with you, but he'll have me back. Won't that be better? We all know he loves me more than he loves you."

"N-No, Dean. Don't do this."

He turned and walked back to her, this time with a knife dipped in rock salt. It would hurt. Because any time you put salt in a wound, it hurt like hell. He sliced her ribcage and she whined as the pain ran through her. He had stripped off her plaid overshirt and her wifebeater and now she was down to her jeans and bra. Her hands were tied above her head and she was all but dangling from them. She felt the ache in her shoulders and she cried out as he punched her face.

"You're so pretty when you're covered in blood, Ryan. Did you know? That color red suits you."

"I didn't know you were a fashionista," she spat at him.

His eyebrow rose before he laughed. "That's good. I'm glad to see you're getting over the pleading part of this ordeal and moving on to the righteous anger. That's always the most fun.

"You're sick! You're a sick fuck!" she yelled.

He walked closer and grabbed her face in his large hand. "Don't push me, Ryan. I can make this so much worse. I was Alistair's _best _apprentice."

She spit in his face. "Fuck you, you demonic son of a bitch."

His eyes narrowed as he shoved her away from him. She felt the pain in her shoulders grow as the shove threw her further off balance and her upper body took the brunt of the pain.

"See? Now you had to go and piss me off, didn't you? Do you know what I do to bitches who piss me off?"

She licked her lip and glared at him out of the one eye that could still see. "Do your worst, you evil dick. Kill me if you want to. Just know I'll come and haunt your ass for centuries."

"I'll burn your bones."

"I'll still come back."

They glared at one another and he laughed. "You know…I don't think I'll kill you. Not yet, anyway. I think you'd make one hell of a demon."

"Fuck you," she spat again.

He smiled as he ran a finger along the line of her waistband. "You know…that can be arranged."

* * *

**Sam POV **

Sam raced back to the motel room with the car and hurriedly looked over the research. They didn't know the _who_, but they had a decent idea of the _where_. The bodies had all been found along the rural section of California State Route 94. East County had quite a few suburban unincorporated communities so he didn't think the djinn would be there. However, just up Interstate 8 and down another road there was an industrial area. That would be where he would go if he were the djinn to enjoy spending time alone with his victims.

He found one factory that had been abandoned just a year ago when their owner had moved all the work overseas and he quickly gathered up what he would need and dashed out the door. _I'm coming, Ryan_, he thought as he dropped into the driver's seat and hauled ass out of the parking lot. _I swear. I will find you_.

The drive took him about thirty minutes, even speeding as fast as he could. He arrived at the building and glared at it. It seemed as though this was your basic djinn from what their research had found, but one of the victims had jelled insides, so, he wasn't sure if he was dealing with one of each of the creatures or what. Of course, that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact he found Ryan alive. He had to. It was imperative.

He tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. He stole into the building with his knife held aloft as he quickly looked around. He saw Ryan strapped to a steel girder but he didn't go to her, not yet. She was unconscious but she still looked to be alive. Another victim next to her, however, did not look like he was making it out.

Sam listened carefully and sure enough, heard movement. He watched as a young man walked over to Ryan. His eyes flared blue as the tattoo wound its way down his arm and he touched Ryan's wrist. He smiled evilly. "Ah, yes, your fantasy was delicious, but your nightmare…it tastes splendid."

Sam's eyes narrowed as his temper flared. "Hey! Get away from her!"

* * *

**Ryan POV**

She refused to cry. She refused to break. This…this wasn't him. This wasn't Dean. Not really. He wasn't like this. He wouldn't…

She felt another punch to her gut and she groaned.

"What's the matter?" he sing-songed. "Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

She shivered as a wind brushed her naked flesh. Blood was running down her body now, down her legs, pooling at her feet. Her whole body ached. Every inch of her had been brutalized. He had taken everything from her. There was nothing left. "This isn't you," she sobbed. "You aren't like this."

"Of course I am. I'm a _demon, _sweetheart. We're _all_ evil."

She shook her head. "No. Not like this. I don't care how twisted your soul is, you wouldn't do this."

He eyed her with surprise as she realized…Dean wouldn't do this. No matter what. Dean. Would. Not. Do. This. She gasped. "This is fake. The djinn got me, didn't it? This whole thing is a dream that turned into a nightmare. You're not real. None of this is real!"

He picked up the knife again and held it to her throat. "You think this isn't real? You think I won't kill you?"

She sneered. "No."

"You're wrong," he stated flatly as he reared back and stabbed her in the heart.

"NO!" she screamed.

"Hey, I got you," Sam whispered and she felt herself being lowered to the ground.

She blinked and looked up into the face of her savior. "Sam?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I got you."

She blinked both her eyes. It was a dream. It really was a dream. All of it. She was still in her FBI clothes from the night before. There was no blood on her, well, except for where the needle had been sticking out of her arm Sam had just ripped the tubing away from. She swallowed hard as she looked around. Dean was nowhere in sight.

She licked her lips nervously. "Wh-What happened?"

Sam shrugged. "As best I can tell, you got jumped last night outside the bar. That guy," he said as he motioned to the dead djinn on the floor, "Is a combination of the two djinn breeds. Apparently his parents did a Romeo and Juliette and he was the violent offshoot. He makes…"

"He makes your fantasies come true, then your nightmares," she whispered with a shiver.

"What did you see, Ryan?"

"I…oh, Sam!" she cried as she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed. She couldn't stop it, couldn't control it.

She felt him stand as he lifted her in his arms. "Shhh, I've got you…"

"It was terrible," she managed through chattering teeth. She was suddenly so very cold and she couldn't control her shaking or her sobs.

He hugged her tightly as he carried her, bridal style, out to the car. "We need to get you back to the room. You need a hot bath and some hot food and…"

"Not that hotel room," she said suddenly. She couldn't stand the thought of being in that room, not after she dreamed of her and Dean… "Please, Sam, let's just…I can't."

His brows furrowed as he looked into her eyes. "What did you see, Ryan?"

She shook her head and laid it on his shoulder. "Please, Sam? Just…I can't."

He sighed. "Okay." He helped her into the car and drove them to a new hotel and got a room. One with double beds, she noticed as he helped her walk in. "I can go get our stuff from the other room, but you'll have to be here alone…"

She nodded. "Okay. I can. I can take a shower and be waiting for when you get back. I'm sorry."

He looked at her and she knew he had a million questions to ask, but she couldn't answer them, not yet. He kissed her forehead and she leaned into his touch, relishing the warmth for a moment before he let her go. "I'll be back in an hour, hour and a half, tops. You don't open the door for anyone and if anyone tries to get through that door that isn't me," he handed her Dean's gun. She had started carrying it recently. "You shoot that son of a bitch, okay?"

She bit the inside of her lip and nodded. "Okay," she promised softly.

His hand rand down her arm to clutch her hand for a moment before he stepped back and walked away.

She locked the knob, the deadbolt, put the chain on the door, and propped a chair against the knob for good measure before she walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it would go. She then stripped naked and began scrubbing her body with the bar of cheap motel soap. She washed herself twice before she finally succumbed to the despair and sank to the bottom of the tub and sobbed.

An hour and ten minutes later, she was sitting criss-cross applesauce in the middle of the bed with the towel, the sheet, and two blankets wrapped around her when there was a knock on the door. "Ryan! It's Sam! Open up!" he called.

She bundled all the blankets and walked to the door, removed the chair, and unlocked everything.

He eyed her a moment before he took her bag and sat it on the bed. "Here's your stuff…"

"Thanks, Sam," she told him softly.

"Go get dressed. I got food for you."

"What?" she asked warily.

"Pizza. Supreme, no bacon, no olives, extra cheese." She opened her mouth and he added, "And yes, I got the Coke-Cola."

She smiled despite the bone-numbing terror she still felt. "Thanks," she told him again.

"Go get dressed," he ordered lightly. "I'll be right here."

She grabbed up her bag and hurried back to the bathroom.

After changing into real clothes again, she felt better, and after downing a Coke, two slices of her favorite kind of pizza, and the king sized Reese Cups he'd bought her, she felt almost human.

She sat sipping her second can of sugary goodness when he asked softly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sighed. She knew she'd have to. There was no getting out of it. "I was walking out of the bar. I made it to the car when I was pushed into it and knocked out. That's all I remember of the attack."

"And the dream?" he prompted.

"Do I have to?" she whined softly.

"Ryan…" he warned.

She sighed and told him. It was surprisingly easy to tell him everything, right up until Dream Dean pinned her to the beam. Then she clammed up.

His hand reached across the table to envelop hers but she jerked it away quickly. His hands…they were soft and rough, just like Dean's. He held up both hands in surrender. "Ryan, please tell me. You told me about the good part. What happened in the bad?"

She bit her lip to keep the tears from pouring out, but it didn't do a damn bit of good. "He-He pinned me to a beam and started torturing me, beating me…the whole nine."

"Did he…"

She sucked in a breath and looked away. It wasn't Dean. Dean wouldn't do that to her. She had repeated the mantra in her head a million times since she'd sank under the hot spray of the shower. Dean, even as a demon, wouldn't hurt her that way. She knew it.

"Damn it, Ryan, did he…?"

"Yes!" she cried. She stood so fast her chair tipped over. She walked to the window clutching her stomach as she fought to keep down the food she'd just eaten. "Yes, okay? He did." She turned and saw the sick look on Sam's face. "It wasn't him. He…he wouldn't do that to me, to any woman, would he? Even as a demon?"

Sam shook his head. "Of course not. Meg, Cas, they all say he's basically the same as he ever was. Not as emotional, not as worn down by life and all the shit that comes along with it. He's stressed. He tortures demons that need torturing, Meg said, but, no. He'd never…" Sam seemed as unable to say the word as Ryan was.

She sucked in a breath and swallowed hard. "Good. I didn't…I didn't think so. It was a nightmare, right? That's all, basically."

"Ryan…"

She shook her head. "Don't, Sam, okay? I'm fine. It was tough, but I'm fine. Promise."

He didn't seem convinced, and honestly? Neither was she. "Was this guy working alone?" she asked to distract him.

"I'm pretty sure, yes."

She nodded. "Okay. Good. Let's stay tonight, because I'm sure we're both tired, but then, tomorrow, I want to leave. I want to see my kids. I need…I need to be surrounded by their innocence, Sam."

He nodded. "Sure, Ryan. Anything for you."

She sucked in a breath. She would be fine. It was just a little nightmare, right? Nothing more. Nothing less.

* * *

**April Twenty-Fourth**

**Castiel POV**

Cas landed lithely in the back alley of the diner he and Dean frequented for their next meeting. Dean had canceled their last one and he was a tad concerned. So, when he saw Meg sitting in Dean's usual spot, drinking a large milkshake, his concern only grew. "Meg?"

She smiled. "Hey, Clarence. How's life?"

"I am not technically alive. Neither are you. What are you doing?"

"Can't a girl come up and see an old friend?"

Castiel sat across from her and looked at her closely. "I did not realize we were friends, Meg."

She blinked, nonplussed. "Well, if we aren't friends, then, what are we?"

"I do not know," he stated. "But I can see the benefits to being friends."

"And I can see being friends with benefits," she crooned as her foot ran up his leg, causing him to jump.

"Meg. I am not interested in your flirtations."

"Is this because I'm a demon?"

He sighed. "Truthfully? No. It does not matter."

"Then what's the hold up? I'd love to have a slice of angel food cake."

He sat up straighter. "I am not in the right capacity for such dalliances," he began uncomfortably.

Her brows furrowed. "Having issues with the plumbing?"

He blinked, fairly certain she was talking about his penis. "No. I am…fully functional, Meg."

She cackled. "Really? Well, that's good to know. For a minute, I was worried your meat suit was only your outer shell. You really are a dude, aren't you?"

"We are celestial beings. We are not assigned a gender."

She rolled her eyes. "You mean to tell me if your meat suit was a chick, you'd be comfortable?"

He felt his cheeks heat. "Not necessarily."

She sat back and crossed her arms as she looked at him, reading him, and he shied away slightly at such close inspection. "Well. Look at you. Getting some ass, I see. Who's the lucky girl?"

"None of your concern!" he snapped. He would protect Victoria at all costs.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Wow. He likes her. He really likes her. Come on, Cas, you know I won't hurt her."

"Is there a reason why you are here instead of Dean, Meg?"

She blew out a breath. "Yeah. I might have done something bad. But then, it might be something good."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I sold out Raeburn to Dean. He's the douche that hurt Ryan when she was a kid."

Castiel smiled. "You care for the human."

"Don't get all flowery on me, Cas. I just…don't think she's a waste of space. And I still say Dean's got a thing for her."

He knew it to be true, and Meg had alluded to the fact on occasion, but this time, he point-blank asked her, "You believe Dean still cares for her?"

"He holds her on a damn pedestal. That much is for sure." She cleared her throat. "Look, Ryan told me the demon's name. I told Dean. Dean's been torturing the asshole. Only thing is…he didn't pick Ryan at random."

"What do you mean?"

She took a generous sip of her milkshake. "Turns out Azazel put out a hit on her."

"A…hit?"

She nodded. "See, her mom was friends with Mary Winchester."

"We already knew that."

Her eyebrow rose and she sucked the bottom of the milkshake until it made a horrid sucking sound. She pulled away from the straw and said, "Aaaaahhh, delicious."

"Meg."

She held up a hand. "Alright, alright. So, it wasn't _just _because her mommy was friends with Sam and Dean's mommy. It was because there are prophecies."

Castiel sighed. "Yes, we are aware of the prophecy regarding Dean. Has he figured out they involve Ryan as well?"

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"The prophecies about the righteous man."

She shook her head slowly. "Noooo, I'm talking about the prophecies about the Goddess of Heaven and Hell."

It was Castiel's turn to look surprised. "What?"

Meg sighed. "Did you ever hear about the Hell prophecies? We have a few. They were told at our not-Sunday school. One of them was about the Goddess. She was to bear the one true king of Hell. Word is, she was killed because Lucifer said she was the one."

"How would he know?"

She shrugged. "How the hell am I supposed to know? He was locked in Hell for eternity. But the man, angel, whatever he is, knows shit. And he bet money on the fact it was Ryan Fawcett. Fast forward a few years, he told Azazel to protect her. Azazel wanted one of his blood babies to be the king, defied our leader, and tried to have her killed." She paused. "And, obviously, she's got to be a Winchester because you can't kill her. It doesn't stick."

Castiel's brows knit and he looked at the wear pattern in the table as he thought. He would need to find out as much about these prophecies as possible. "What happens then?"

She smiled. "If I told you the ending, you couldn't enjoy the story."

His eyes narrowed. "Damn it, Meg."

She smirked. "Cas, Cas, Cas, don't worry. Dean's on it. He doesn't want to be usurped. Trust me. Everything will be fine."

Cas wasn't certain about that. "Meg, I need you to find out everything you can for me about this prophecy…"

She shook her head. "Nope. I'm not going to do it. You go down there and talk to Dean or your brothers. I'm out. I just came up here to warn you."

"Meg…" he warned.

She shook her head. "Not gonna happen, Cas. I value my life too much for that. I told you what I know. I'll try to find out more, but that's it. I'm free and clear."

He sighed. "Fine. I will look into it myself. Thank you for giving me what information you have."

She stood and looked at him. "You happy, Cas?"

"I am. Are you, Meg?"

She smiled. "You know what? I think I am. I love my job, my boss isn't too big of a dick, and for once in my recent life, I'm not on the lamb or on the rack. Yeah, I'm pretty damned happy."

"Good. I am glad."

She bent and kissed his cheek. "Take care, Clarence. I'll find you later." She walked out and he watched her disappear into the late afternoon sun.

He leaned forward, and in a rather humanly gesture, put his head in his hands. He was still sitting there a few moments later when the waitress came up. "Everything okay?"

He looked up at her and sighed. "Do you ever get the feeling life just enjoys throwing you curveballs?"

The woman smiled. "Every day of my life."

He sighed and stood. "Thank you, Charlotte, for your service. We will be back another day, I am certain."

She smiled at him genially before she walked away. He tossed some money onto the table and walked out.

He quickly disappeared and reappeared at the bunker. "Sam, I must speak to you and Ryan urgently. Where is she?"

Sam didn't even blink in surprise at Castiel's sudden appearance. He was sitting, doing some research on his computer. "She's at home. I told her to take the day off. It's her birthday. She's just relaxing by herself. What's up?"

"Come. We must go."

Sam stood. "Cas, man, you're scaring me."

He reached out to touch Sam, but Sam shied away. "Wait. We can't go popping in on Ryan."

"Why? I have done it before."

Sam winced. "Recently she's had…she's having nightmares."

"About what?"

Sam sighed. "Sit down a minute. Let me tell you what happened on our last hunt…"

Castiel sat and listened as Sam told him about the djinn and the nightmare she had before she awoke. His brows knit. "You mean to say, she has been repeatedly having nightmares of _Dean _hurting her in such a way?"

Sam shrugged. "He is a demon, Cas."

"But he would never…I have never seen him do such a despicable act. Even when he almost killed me and tried to make you drink his blood…"

Sam winced. "Well, Cas, technically, if he had made me drink his blood, it's kind of the same thing."

Castiel's brows knit. "I do not understand. Sexual violation is worse, is it not?"

Sam shook his head. "Cas, you've got to realize…it's different, but it's the same. That loss of dominion over your own body…" He closed his eyes and sighed before he looked at Cas again. "It's why I have such a problem with demons possessing people in the first place. At least with angels, you have to ask permission first. Hell, even Lucifer asked permission, which I gave because I'm a dumbass, but all those other times, like Gadreel, Meg, when she possessed me, Crowley, all these times the power over myself was taken away, well, it's no better than rape, Cas."

Castiel sat still a few moments deep in thought. It had never truly occurred to him. Surely, it was horrible to be possessed, but to have every bit of power taken from you, to be lorded over in your own body, he supposed it must be quite horrible.

"Even what April did to you, Cas. She took advantage of you that night before she tried to kill you. And she took advantage of the poor girl she was riding, too. There were two victims that night, man. And I completely get why Ryan's freaking out why she is. She loves Dean with every damn fiber of her being. She wants to be with him so fucking bad, she can't see…" he closed his eyes and sighed anew. "Anyway, she's screwed up a little bit. SO, I don't want us popping in and scaring the shit out of her. Got it?"

Cas nodded in understanding. Sam had, as usual, given him quite a lot to think about. "Sam…when you were with Ruby, she gained a body that had been vacated, correct?"

Sam nodded hesitantly.

"And Hope, as well as Gabriel, they have taken possession of bodies that were not occupied at the time, due to their arrival at conception."

Again, Sam nodded.

"Is what we are doing, as angels, wrong?"

Sam opened his mouth and then closed it again before he blew a breath out of his nose. "I don't know, man. I mean, you're asking permission, but once you take over, you take over. Even what we do…killing demons and angels when they're in host bodies…it's wrong. We know that. Dean and I…we lost sight of that for a while. I'm starting to get it." He shrugged. "Now, it doesn't matter for you. Jimmy died when Lucifer killed you, right?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes. He did."

"See? You're fine. The others…" Sam paused. "Ryan willingly let Gabriel in. He stayed in the background and just lived within her until he was ready to move on. I have to admit, I can't stand the douche, but he did right by her and he is again. Same with Hope."

Cas sighed. "You have given me much to think about, Sam, as per usual."

Sam smiled and stood. "Come on. We can go. Just…let's take the car, okay? No need to freak her out."

Cas nodded. "Very well." He followed Sam down to the garage and rode with him in his car to their house. They sat in companionable silence for most of the trip. "Where is everyone?" Castiel asked finally.

"School for the five oldest, but Jon is hanging out with Tory." Sam smiled. "Didn't you know?"

Cas just looked at Sam. "What do you mean?"

Sam shot him a grin. "Come on, Cas. We all know about you and Tory."

Castiel smiled slightly. "She is quite a woman, Sam."

Sam chuckled. "You won't hear any doubts from me. I'm glad Ryan's got a good female friend. She's still hurt her other friend, Andy something, won't talk to her. I'm pretty sure I'm the reason for that, I'm just not sure why and Ryan, as usual, won't talk to me about it."

"She is often quiet about her personal things, isn't she?"

Sam shrugged as he turned into the driveway. "Well, she's allowed to have personal stuff, I just wish she would let me in on occasion."

"She sounds suspiciously like someone else we know," Cas commented offhandedly as he got out of the car.

Sam sighed and nodded. "Yeah, unfortunately she and Dean are a lot alike."

They walked onto the porch and Castiel grasped Sam's arm. "Wait, just a moment."

Sam's eyes widened. "Is she okay?"

Cas nodded. "She is fine, but she is…she's singing. I believe she is…in the zone…isn't that what she calls it?"

Sam nodded.

Cas furrowed his brows as he listened to Ryan's voice over the sound of the singer. He could easily hear the hurt and pain etching the words as she sang along with the song;

_**It's gonna take a long time to love**_

_**It's gonna take a lot to hold on**_

_**It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah**_

_**Left in the pieces that you broke me into**_

_**Torn apart but now I've got to**_

_**Keep on rolling like a stone**_

_**Cause it's gonna be a long, long way to happy **_

He heard her sobbing and felt an odd sensation to comfort her. The song went off but immediately started over again.

_**One night to you**_

_**Lasted six weeks for me**_

_**Just a bitter little pill now**_

_**Just to try to go to sleep**_

_**No more waking up to innocence**_

_**Say hello to hesitance**_

_**To everyone I meet**_

_**Thanks to you years ago**_

_**I guess I'll never know**_

_**What love means to me but oh**_

_**I'll keep on rolling down this road**_

_**But I've got a bad, bad feeling **_

Castiel sighed. "She is quite…depressed, Sam. I did not know…"

Sam blew out a breath. "She's getting worse. She keeps bringing up the demons that attacked her. She still hasn't told me everything that happened that night. I did manage to get her drunk enough to admit she had told Dean everything, though."

"She has told Meg, too," Cas commented offhandedly as Ryan's soft voice began another verse;

_**Left my childhood behind**_

_**In a roll away bed**_

_**Everything was so damn simple**_

_**Now I'm losing my head**_

_**Trying to cover up the damage**_

_**And pad out all the bruises **_

_**Too young to know I had it**_

_**So it didn't hurt to lose it**_

_**Didn't hurt to lose it**_

_**No but oh**_

_**I'll keep on rolling down this road**_

_**But I've got a bad, bad feeling **_

Castiel could feel the waves of depression coming from the house and physically gasped as she sang the words;

_**I just want to thank you**_

_**Thank you **_

_**From the bottom of my heart of my heart**_

_**For all the sleepless nights **_

_**And for tearing me apart yeah, yeah**_

Castiel cringed. "Sam. I have to help her."

"How?"

"I can erase her memory of this, Sam."

Sam shook his head. "No, Cas. You can't do that. You didn't agree with Dean when you altered Ben and Lisa's memories. That's why you had the wipe only last temporarily. To take this from her…"

"But, Sam, she is hurting. I can feel it…"

"It isn't your place, Cas. We just have to let her know we're here for her."

"I could…"

"She wouldn't be dealing with it if you took it away, Cas. She's got to get past it and move on, no matter how much it hurts."

Cas sighed. "I do not like feeling this helpless, Sam."

"Welcome to the wonderful world of human emotions, man." Sam pulled out his phone and texted her. At the gaze Cas sent him, Sam smiled sadly. "I told her to turn the music down, we're on the front porch."

Cas cocked his head to the side a moment before his eyes widened. "You are giving her a moment to collect herself in the off chance she does not wish to discuss her depression."

Sam nodded. "You're learning, Cas."

"I can be _taught, _Sam," Cas stated bitterly.

Sam held up both hands. "No offense."

Castiel sighed. "I have learned, too, if someone says 'no offense' they usually mean it quite offensively."

Ryan laughed as she opened the door. "Well, you aren't wrong, Cas."

Castiel could see her puffy eyes, slightly red nose, and could still all but smell her salty tears in the air but she was covering it well. She was dressed in her usual attire of denim and a tank top. She did not wear long sleeves unless she was going hunting. Her scars and tattoos were on proud display. This part of herself, at least, she had embraced. Dean had helped her in that respect.

"Ryan. How are you?"

"I'm alive," she stated flatly as she held open the door for Cas and Sam to come in. The house smelled of the cleaner with the bald man on it. It was a pleasant enough odor.

"Ryan, you're supposed to be chilling out, not cleaning the house. It's your birthday," Sam admonished.

She shrugged and sniffed. "I was chilling out to the music."

"Yes, a happy birthday is in order, isn't it?" Cas stated. "Happy birthday, Ryan."

She smiled but even he could see it didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks, Cas. Say, I know you don't eat, but a whole bunch of us are going out tonight for dinner…"

He nodded. "Yes. Victoria told me a few days ago." Ryan's lip twitched as she fought back a smile and Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I suppose you, too, know of mine and Tory's…dalliances?"

She snorted. "Cas, hon, no offense, but I knew the day after you did the frick-frack that first time. Tory tells me everything." She paused, then added, "Even the things I _don't _want to know."

Castiel felt his cheeks grow warm. He would need to have words with his human lover. She was not to discuss that, was she? "Yes, well…"

Sam gave him a look. "You had something to tell us?"

Cas nodded. "Yes. I have news from Hell." He immediately regretted his choice of words as soon as he saw Ryan stiffen. "It is not bad, or particularly good, either, but it does not concern their king, should that be your concern, Ryan."

She shot daggers at Sam. "You told Cas?!"

"Of course I told Cas! I'm worried about you, Ryan!"

"I'm fine! Damn it!" She began pacing about the room, running her fingers through her tangled mane, pulling it out of the fastener that was containing it and putting it back up. "I just wish you'd…"

"What? Let it go? No chance, Ryan. We care about you."

"I'm fine, Sam!"

"Your tone and your body language suggests otherwise," Castiel stated softly.

She stopped in front of him and just looked at him a moment before she chuckled softly and pulled him to her for a hug. He had gotten used to hugs by now and thoroughly enjoyed wrapping his arms around her as hers circled his waist. "I am sorry you are having problems, Ryan. I could relieve you of your memories if that would be helpful…"

She pulled away and wiped her eyes. She sniffed and shook her head. "No. I…I know it's all in my head. I know the truth. De-" Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. "Dean would never hurt me, or anyone else like that. I know that. It's just…I don't know him anymore. It makes things complicated and screwy in my head, you know?"

He was not certain he did know, but he could understand, from a human point of view. "You are in love with Dean. He is your soul's mate. Of course it would hurt you to think of him…in that capacity. But you do not know him as a demon. I _do_. And I can assure you, in this aspect, he has not changed."

"You swear it?" she whispered.

He hugged her tightly once again. "I swear it on my Father, Ryan." Castiel might not be human, he might not be capable of understanding the whole human spectrum of feelings, but he knew, from speaking to Dean, his friend also felt the connection to Ryan, though he might not realize it. Dean wanted to protect his soul mate, demon or no.

Ryan stepped away from Cas and laughed lightly as she wiped her eyes on the bottom of her shirt. "Well, shit, it ain't my birthday if I'm not crying, right?"

Sam gave her a one-armed hug and they all sat down. "So, Cas," she began, "Now that I've bared my soul to you yet again, what business did you have with us?"

He wasn't quite sure where to start. He hadn't had time to investigate. He knew he should have, but he wanted Sam and Ryan to be made aware of these new findings as soon as possible. "I have just spoken to Meg and she informs me of one of the demons she has been torturing…" He did not want to tell Ryan of the fact it was Dean torturing the demons, not when her emotions were so raw. "She has broken two of them and they have information regarding prophecies."

"Jon?" Sam asked.

Castiel nodded. "I believe so, yes. Unfortunately, it also involves you, Ryan."

She blinked. "Me? What? Why?"

"Because you are Jon's mother. Meg said something about the Goddess of Heaven and Hell."

At that, Ryan scoffed. "Goddess? Surely you're confused."

"She didn't know, it was second hand information at best. I believe I must delve deeper into these prophecies and find out some information."

"How?"

"I must go to the source of the information."

"Which is…where?" Ryan wanted to know.

Cas winced. "I believe it is with my brothers in the cage."

"In Hell?!" Sam exclaimed.

Cas nodded. "Yes. Lucifer would, of course, know it, since he was the one that told Azazel of you, Ryan."

Her brows knit and Sam said, "Azazel. The yellow eyed demon? The one that killed my mother?"

Castiel nodded. "He also put the hit out on Ryan. From what Meg said, the one true king will rule Hell for eternity. She had heard things about the king for quite some time. She was not in charge of this part of Azazel's plan, though, she was working to destroy you Winchesters."

"That's all well and good, but what does any of this have to do with me? Even if Jon is the king, I'm just his mother. I'm nothing special."

"I believe the prophecies say something different, entirely."

She cast her eyes heavenward and sighed. "Great. Just…fabulous. I swear, I'm doomed no matter what I do." She stood and began pacing. "Soul mate to the current king demon, mother of the one true king of Hell…I can't win."

"Ryan, there's no sense in getting upset about this now. We can't do a damn thing about it…" Sam began as he stood and walked to her.

She stopped before the window and looked out. "I just…I wanted…I mean, I knew I wouldn't get a normal life, but this…it's a lot to take in, you know?"

Sam tried to reach out and touch her but she shrugged off his hand. "Look, can I have a few minutes? I mean, okay, Cas, we've got to figure out what the hell all of this means, right? And we won't figure it out today. Just…ya'll give me a little time to myself, let me rationalize this out." She walked to the entryway where her purse sat and grabbed up her keys. "I'm going out. I'll be back in time to get dressed and ready for the party tonight."

"Ryan…" Sam started.

She shook her head. "Sammy, please, just…give me some space, alright?"

He looked at her longingly but sighed and nodded. "Okay. But if you're not home by four, I'm coming and finding you."

A small smile graced her features. "I'll be back, I promise." She walked out the door and a few moments later, they heard the loud engine of her car.

Castiel glanced at Sam, who looked defeated. "Is this prophecy crap legit, Cas? What does it all mean?"

"I do not know, Sam. And I dislike not knowing. I promise, I will find out what this means for Ryan. For everyone."

* * *

**Ryan POV**

She drove straight to the bunker. She was tired of going around everyone else to get information. She was going straight to the source. She walked to the dungeon, gathered all the materials for the summoning spell and called Meg.

The demon appeared behind Ryan, just outside the iron devil's trap. Ryan turned just in time to see Meg smirk. "You know these don't work on me, right? Forget the fact that I'm a knight of hell, I know a spell or two."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Sam informed me about your knowledge of how to break devil's traps. I'm surprised you didn't share it with anyone."

Meg smirked. "I like keeping a few secrets to myself. Was there a need to summon me? You could always talk to big daddy demon."

Ryan cringed and shook her head. "I know. And you're right, I could go to Dean, but…" She shook her head again. "I can't talk to him, not right now. I wanted to talk to you and this seemed like the place to do it. Privacy, you know."

Meg looked around at the chains on the walls and grinned. "I like your torture chamber, Ryan. But I'm guessing you haven't used it much, personally."

"No. This was Crowley's room for a while."

Meg's smile grew. "Ahhh, so this was where the would-be king was held captive. Interesting."

Ryan gathered her thoughts and let Meg peruse the room a moment before she finally spoke; "What did you tell Cas about these prophecies?"

Meg shrugged. "I've heard of them for years. Dad, Azazel," she clarified at Ryan's quizzical look. "He liked for us to call him 'Dad'. He had a few fetishes. Anyway, he would go on and on about them. He was excited about it…right up until The Master wanted you alive. Then, Azazel backed out. I was busy with my own stuff, he had me on special tasks. I didn't know anything about killing you at the time."

"Would it have made any difference?"

"Truthfully? No."

Ryan chuckled flatly. "Thanks for your honesty."

"Hey, I don't want to kill you now, though, Ryan. I…I've got a vested interest in you."

"Vested…because of the kid?"

Meg nodded. "I know he's part demon, Ryan. You said he was tied up in heavenly prophecies, well, we've got some of our own from our master."

"Lucifer."

Meg nodded again. "You got it. He's always called the shots. He's just biding his time."

"But don't you see what Dean is doing is better than what Lucifer would have done?"

Meg paused a moment before she shrugged. "At this point in time, I don't know. I mean, I know what Crowley goes on and on about how we would all be toast, but I don't think so. I think life would have been fine, for everyone. No one knew Lucifer's vision for the future."

"And now, no one will," Ryan shot back.

Meg inclined her head. "Too true."

"So…what does this have to do with me?"

"I really don't know. But I know someone who does."

"Who?"

"Think really, really hard…"

"I am _not _going to see Dean."

Meg smiled. "Not that I wouldn't _love _to see the fireworks when you two were in a room together, but I was thinking…bigger."

Ryan's brows furrowed before her eyes widened. "Lucifer?! You want me to go see Lucifer?"

Meg nodded. "I can take you to him."

"How? Why?"

Meg thought a moment with her fingertip on her chin. "Call it curiosity. I'm loyal to Dean, don't get me wrong, but I want to know what's going to happen, make sure I'm backing the right horse."

Ryan just looked at her in bewilderment. "You do know he'll kill you if he thinks you're double crossing him. Dean doesn't take betrayal well."

"Takes one to know one," Meg shot back. Ryan glared at her and Meg sighed. "Besides, who's betraying him? I'm just…keeping my options open."

"And if you had lived to see Abaddon vying for the throne?"

Meg grinned. "Oh, she's one bad ass bitch I surely would have followed, if only to usurp that utter _dick_, Crowley. But, I respect Dean. He's never tried to be anything other than just exactly what he is; a hunter with demon juice. He's doing right by everyone, though, I have to hand it to him. He's one hundred percent unselfish when it comes to Hell. He's a really good ruler. Almost too nice, but, well, what can you say? He's not as demonized as I am, as Crowley was, as all those evil sons of bitches are down there. And he's got an angel sitting on his shoulder. It makes a difference."

Before she could stop herself, Ryan asked, "Is he a good guy? Really?"

Meg just looked at her. "Hello? Do you _not _know Dean Winchester? He may be the biggest bastard on campus, but he sure as hell isn't the meanest. Though, Bob, Dan, and Raeburn might have something else to say about that…he's having a hell of a time torturing those little assholes."

Ryan blanched. "Raeburn? Dean…is torturing Raeburn?"

Meg's smirk was back. "Yeah, well, after you told me a little of your story, figured the boss man would like to take it out of Rae's ass. He did. Well, he's starting to. He just got to working on Raeburn. That's where I heard the renewed talks about the prophecies…his little minions."

"Meg…"

"It's keeping him sharp," Meg stated offhandedly. "And it's keeping him calmer everywhere else, too. He's enjoying it and you know you want that bastard to pay…"

"Yeah, but…" Ryan bit her lip in thought. If Dean were torturing _anything_, wouldn't that make him more dangerous? More demon-like? "Is that good for him, Dean I mean? Torturing demons…"

"If he's keeping that part of him sated by torturing demons, it's keeping his other parts more human."

"How do you know?"

Meg shrugged again as she propped herself up against the wall. "He may not want to admit it, but I know him. We were enemies for years before Crowley was in the picture. I chose my side when I chose Lucifer. My side lost, but I still respected Sam and Dean. They did their job spectacularly. They don't fail. In the end, siding with them killed me, but they didn't fail. You can't hate them for that."

Ryan was still uncertain.

Meg eyed her speculatively. "Look, Dean promised your safety, yours and Sam's and the kids. He doesn't know about you and the kids, but he promised to protect _you_. No matter what. Even if you left Sam."

_He promised to protect you. No matter what. _She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders as she leaned against the wall to support her as she felt the shift within her. It was as if that was all she needed, the conformation of Dean's compassion, his caring of humans, of her, specifically. He might not _love _her, but he cared enough to know she was scared of demons, to know she needed protecting…it made her warm inside. But that other part…"Sam and I aren't together," Ryan stated tiredly. "And furthermore, I'm getting tired of repeating myself."

Meg smirked. "See? It makes a difference because Dean doesn't know that. He thinks you hopped from him to Sam. And really? I get it. Sam's…sweet. Why wouldn't you fall for Sam?"

"Because I'm in love with Dean," Ryan stated simply. That part of her would never die out. She loved Dean with every fiber of her being, even if she continued having nightmares, she still loved him. She had begun to wonder if it was some sort of new mental illness. Or maybe she'd always had it. "Even if I'm never with him again…I can't cheat on him. It's fundamental. It's imperative that you get that, Meg."

Meg held out both her hands in surrender. "I get it, Ryan, I really do. And it's…it's nice, alright? He's lucky and he doesn't even know it."

It was Ryan's turn to smirk. "Okay, don't go getting dewy on me, Meg. This ain't a chick flick."

Meg snorted. "Alright then." She stepped closer to Ryan. "So, you want to hop on the crazy train to Hell or what? I've got stuff to do."

Though she was in love with him, she couldn't see him. Not yet, in any case. She still wasn't sure about anything to do with any of these prophecies. Until she was, she couldn't see him. "We won't see Dean, will we?"

"We shouldn't. He's…otherwise occupied."

Ryan shivered and surprisingly, Meg put a hand on her arm. "I swear your safety, Ryan. You're a human, going to Hell. It's going to be complicated."

"I've got to get back before four or Sam will flip his shit."

Meg laughed. "Don't worry. I'll take care of it."

Ryan eyed her momentarily. "You sure about this?"

"Nope. But what the hell, right? Got to die of something, don't ya?"

Ryan sucked in a breath and nodded. "Okay. Let's do it."

Meg smiled, grasped Ryan's arm, and they disappeared, reappearing in an alley. Ryan blinked as the dizziness swam over her. "Fucking hell! Warn a girl, Meg!"

"Oops," Meg giggled. "Sorry. Okay, so, we have to go through Purgatory to get there, to the back door for the humans."

Ryan wrenched herself away from Meg. "Wait. What?"

"This is the back door. Crowley didn't even know about it until a little while ago. The dumbass. So, we'll take a detour then we'll pop downstairs. You have to stick with me, though, or you'll get lost. I know the way now." When Ryan continued to shoot her a look of distrust, Meg added, "I had a friend show me. Dean wanted us to find the back door so we'd know."

"A friend?"

"A rogue reaper. They know all the ways into everywhere."

"What about getting back home?"

"Oh, that one's on you. But I'll show you the way." Meg grabbed her hand and the two started walking toward the graffiti covered door in the equally graffiti covered wall.

Ryan watched in fascination as the walls looked as though they were moving. Suddenly the door became encased in bright white light that spread out to encompass them. Ryan felt a sucking sensation that ended almost as soon as it began and she found herself standing next to Meg in a forest.

Ryan gazed around in awe. "Purgatory?"

Meg nodded. "And we need to beat feet to get the hell out of here."

Ryan glanced around and saw what looked to be a vampire coming toward them. "You won't hear any arguments from me," she muttered as she ran behind Meg. The demon's legs were shorter than hers, and Meg had to hurry to keep up as Ryan ran. "Where do we go?"

"Follow the river!" Meg shouted from just a little bit behind her.

"You could have warned me we were coming to Purgatory! I could have brought my machete!"

"Sue me! I live in the moment!"

"You're an ass!" Ryan shot back.

Meg grinned and remained quiet as they ran. Suddenly, they were jumped as something landed on them from the trees. Ryan shrieked as she scrambled to her feet. She had her knife on her, which she usually kept at the ready, but who she wouldn't kill for a machete…

Meg began using her powers on the werewolves as Ryan began slicing and dicing. She wished fervently for her gun, which she kept stocked with silver bullets, but she had been cleaning the house. She didn't need weapons on her. Ryan managed to stab the one werewolf in the heart and quickly turned to the second one as two attacked Meg.

Just then, a vampire came barreling at them. "Fuck you, Meg, this is a shitty way to celebrate my birthday!"

To Ryan's surprise, the vampire lunged for the werewolves and tore one's head completely off and grabbed one from behind as Ryan plunged a knife into its heart.

The vampire narrowed his eyes and retracted his fangs as he held up both hands when Ryan picked up one of the weapons that had fallen out of the werewolf's hand. It would be easy enough to slice the thing's head off with. "Alright, sugar, just…don't go gettin' crazy on me…"

She blinked and stood out of her fighting stance. "Benny?"

His eyebrow went up. "Well, now, what's a little girl hunter doin' knowing my name?"

She gasped and dropped the blade before she grabbed him in a hug. "Benny! I can't believe I'm finally meeting you!"

Benny hugged her back but pulled her away quickly enough. "Not that I don't appreciate any bit of tender lovin' care I can get, but who are you?"

She smiled. "Ryan. I'm Ryan. I'm Dean's…" she stopped. What the hell was she to Dean?"

"She's Dean's baby mama," Meg said on a snort as she picked up another discarded weapon and tested its weight. "She's the mother of the boy king of Hell. And a whole ton of other shit, apparently."

Benny's brows furrowed. "What's that demon going on about?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Never mind. It's not important. But I do know you, from Dean."

"He talks about me, huh?" The vampire looked a tiny bit touched by the thought.

She shook her head. "Not exactly. But I do know of you, from Dean. It's…complicated."

Benny laughed. "That boy does everything complicated. He doing alright?"

Ryan winced. "Again, complicated."

"Sure! He's doing great! He's the king of Hell and he's torturing demons and he's having an awesome time!" Meg exclaimed, her tone full of sarcasm.

"King of Hell?"

Ryan shot Meg a glare, but gave Benny an extremely abridged version of what had been happening to Dean since Benny saw him last and Benny let out a low whistle. "Damn. Dumbass never knew when to quit."

Ryan smiled. "No, he sure doesn't. You know, he never gave up hope you'd want to come back. I know where your body is buried, Benny. I could…"

"Nah, I'm a monster. Ain't nowhere for me to be but here. I tried it out there, couldn't hack it. The thirst…"

She swallowed hard. She still remembered that thirst when she had been a vampire, even if she had never acted on it. "I have an inkling about how you felt." At his look, she continued; "I was turned. Dean and Sam saved my life."

"That how he got to know you?"

Ryan shook her head. "No, Dean and I go way back, all the way back to our births, actually. Our mothers were friends. We lost touch, found one another, I got possessed, he excised it, it just kind of snowballed."

"And now you've got a young'un. Beat that with a stick. I bet Dean's over the moon."

"Oh, he doesn't know," Meg piped up.

"Meg, would you shut the fuck up? Seriously!" Ryan growled.

Meg just shrugged.

"He don't know? Girl, what are you tryin' to pull?"

Ryan sighed. "It's a big old mess, Benny. I've got three kids. They're all Dean's."

"They're…all Dean's?" Benny asked, shocked.

Meg nodded for her. "Yep. One is a demon, one is an angel and one is a vampire."

"You got a demon kid, a vampire kid and an angel kid?"

"Human/Vampire hybrid, actually," Ryan stated offhandedly, careful not to mention the angel part of Bobby. Only a select few knew about that, and Meg was _not _one of them. "I'm still not sure what he's going to be. Again, complicated."

Benny whistled again softly. "You're telling me." He led them to the spot where three trees met as one. "Here's the back-door. If ya'll don't mind, I'll wait right here, help you when you come back, okay?"

Ryan smiled at him. "Thanks, Benny. I'd really appreciate it. The return trip is all by my lonesome." Meg pulled the rock out of the way and the two ducked into the tunnel and Ryan felt herself sucked into it.

She appeared in a dark corridor. "Do you know where we are?" Ryan whispered.

Meg chuckled. "Yep. We're in Hell."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock. Do you know _where _in Hell we are?"

Meg nodded. "Follow me. I can take you down to the cage, but I'm not going in."

"Why?"

Meg looked at her like she was crazy. "Are you kidding? There are two angels fighting in that cage. You really think I want in? You're nuts. No thank you."

"But…"

"If you're important to Lucifer, he'll let you live," Meg told her simply as she began walking down the corridor.

Ryan sucked in a breath. "That makes me feel _loads _better," she muttered, but she followed Meg down a few different corridors meeting a few people here and there before surprisingly, they got on an elevator. They were alone as they were lowered down to God only knew where and Ryan asked, "Those people that we passed…in the corridors, in the chambers…"

"They're all souls or demons."

"But…they look like people."

Meg shrugged. "They manifest to look like bodies. Makes torturing them easier. It's hard to torture smoke, Ryan."

Ryan shook her head, determined not to think about it. The elevator dinged and Meg gave Ryan a little shove out the door. "When you're ready, punch the button marked "T" and it will bring you up to me."

"But…what if I see Dean?"

Meg shrugged. "Then I hope I'm there to watch the fireworks."

Ryan narrowed her eyes at the little demon, who gave her a finger wave and let the doors to the elevator shut. Ryan turned and sucked in a breath as she slowly made her way down the corridor.

She heard two distinct voices talking, arguing, actually, and she smiled at the banter. Here were two of the world's most powerful angels and they were bickering about the best song from the Nineteen Seventies.

"It is decidedly 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon and Garfunkel," one of them stated.

"Brother, you are delusional. It is quite obvious the best song from the Nineteen Seventies is 'American Pie' by Don McLean," the other retorted.

She wondered where they had gotten their pop culture references when she suddenly heard "It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll)" by AC/DC start up from some speakers hanging on the walls. She smiled despite herself. "Nice to know you still has the same taste in music, sweetheart, even if you are a demon," she muttered. Dean had obviously decided to school all of Hell in his music. _Sam, you'd get a kick out of this one. _

"You're both wrong," she spoke aloud as she walked up, putting every bit of bravado she had on in hopes of making it out of this meeting alive. "While each of those songs are great, the best song is clearly 'Hotel California' by The Eagles."

She heard them both moving quickly toward her. "Well, well, well, look who it is, I was wondering when I would get to meet you, little queen."

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "I'm guessing I know who you are then, Lucifer."

He bowed to her. "Your Highness."

She rolled her eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

Michael chuckled. "Yes, she is perfect for Dean. I had no idea."

She threw up her arms in exasperation. "Seriously? Does everyone know I'm Dean's except him?"

"Yes," the two angels chorused.

She sighed. "So, you know why I'm here?"

"I assume it is because of the prophecies?" Lucifer inquired softly.

She peered through the bars of the cage and looked at him. Lucifer had manifested as a rather ordinary looking man with sandy blond hair. Michael looked younger, though Gabriel had always talked as if he were the 'oldest', with jet black hair and soft green eyes. "Who are ya'll supposed to be dressed as for Halloween?" she wondered aloud.

Surprisingly, they both chuckled. "I like her," Michael stated softly. "I would have enjoyed you being with Dean."

"Because that didn't sound creepy…" Ryan retorted playfully.

Lucifer laughed. "Yes, she is perfect."

"Thanks. So, did you two cook this up on purpose with Gabriel, or what?"

Both angels visibly blanched. "Our brother is dead," Michael stated.

"I had to kill him, Michael. He would have killed me. Then that would have thrown you under the bus and the apocalypse would have been in Gabriel's hands…"

"I still blame you, brother mine," Michael seethed.

"Whoa, don't start fighting yet, I'm not done talking to you two. Focus for a damn minute and listen to the insignificant human for once."

Both turned to her again. "Yes, Gabriel is dead," she told them, careful not to tell them the truth. She refused to even think it in their presence, "But he gave me the tools to be the queen or mother, or whatever the hell you want to call me. I've got the kids for the prophecy in Heaven. One angel, one vampire, one demon. I've got a connection to the human. Dean Winchester fathered four kids. That fulfils his prophecy. So put that in your pipe and smoke it."

She sucked in a breath. "But I want to know what the prophecies say about me. Tell me."

"Why should I?"

She shrugged. "I don't have to let any of my kids do what you angels want. I know the truth now. Give me a reason for them to do their best to be what the prophecies call for."

Michael chuckled. "I believe she has you over a barrel, Lucifer."

Lucifer sighed. "I can't tell you everything, Ryan."

She didn't even pause in surprise at the fact he knew her name. She would be willing to bet he knew almost everything about her. "But you can tell me something," she shot back.

The angel nodded. "I can, yes."

She stood with her arms crossed, waiting.

"What do you wish to know?"

"What does the prophecy say? Word for word."

Lucifer cleared his throat and recited, "Forged in fire, tested, tempted, and tried, the mother will be of a pure heart and a clear mind, seduced by the demon that sneaks into her heart, and thus, the child shall be born."

She sucked in a breath. Well, shit, that definitely described her. Maybe not the pure heart or clear mind part, but definitely a demon snuck into her heart. "And?" she breathed.

"And that's the prophecy."

Her eyes narrowed as she leaned a bit closer to the cage. "Tell me _more_."

He held up both hands in mock surrender. "Little kitten has some claws. Mee-yow."

She stared at him with pursed lips, giving him her best 'mom' face, and waited.

"Oh, fine, never let me have any fun." He glared at her, but she refused to back down. She realized, somewhere, in the back of her mind, she should be terrified of the creature before her, but she was emboldened by not only her previous interactions with angels but the fact he was in a cage that looked unbreakable. "You will sell your soul, Ryan. And when you do, you will be the one to let me out of the cage again and we will rein together."

She gasped and took an involuntary step back. "N-no! I would never."

"You lie. Of course you would sell your soul if it meant protecting your children, your family, your brother-in-law…"

Again, she wasn't surprised he knew about Sam being her brother-in-law, technically. She shook her head. "You're wrong. And now that I know…"

He smiled coldly. "We will see."

She shook her head again and began walking backward from the cage. "I won't. And Jon will be king of Hell and Dean will be freed and you lose."

He chuckled. "I win, Ryan. I always win. Even when it looks as if I lose, I win. Remember that."

She was still shaking her head as she turned and ran down the corridor back to the elevator. She didn't breathe until she was safely inside it and her shaking hand pressed the "T".

She put her head between her knees and took in great gasps of air to calm down. The elevator dinged and she looked up in time for Meg to step in and grasp her arm. "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm alright," Ryan managed as she stood straight. She tossed her hair, which had fallen from its clip, back behind her and sucked in another breath. "I'm fine."

Meg eyed her warily. "You sure?"

Ryan took one more deep breath and blew it out. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Good. Now let's book it. We're running behind. You took your sweet ass time, Ryan."

"Sorry. The Devil is a chatty son of a bitch," Ryan retorted.

Meg smiled and pulled her down the corridor. "Come on. We need to move."

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Meg, I need to speak with you a mo'."

Ryan stopped as she heard the heavily accented voice. She turned and found herself face-to-face with Crowley. Though she had never seen him, she knew him immediately.

He smiled at her. "Well, well, what have we here?"

"I…" Meg began, but Ryan thought fast and slipped her hand in Meg's back pocket.

"Meg and I were just leaving, weren't we, sugar?"

Meg's lip twitched, but she nodded. "Sure, sexy." She grinned at Crowley. "Sorry, _Fergus_, my girl and I were just playing around. Now I've got to get her topside again."

Crowley's eyes narrowed at the pair. "I didn't know you were into women, Meg."

Meg shrugged and Ryan felt the need to sell it, so she grabbed Meg's ass inside her pocket, causing Meg to jump. "Meg is a private person, Mr. Crowley, but get her in the sack and she opens up just like a flower, don't you, Nutmeg?" she purred as she reached in to kiss Meg's ear.

"Don't start, sexy, or you know I won't be held responsible for my actions."

Ryan nuzzled Meg's ear. "Who says I want you to be responsible, hon?"

Meg let out a growl and shoved Ryan into the wall, but Ryan flipped them at the last second and kissed Meg for all she was worth.

Meg, of course, didn't let go after a moment and Ryan was thoroughly Frenched. When Ryan managed to disentangle herself from Meg, the little demon smirked. "Damn. I can see why he can't seem to get enough of you," she breathed. "You're a hell of a kisser."

Ryan wiped her mouth and glanced around to see Crowley gone. "Let's go."

Meg was all smiles as she led Ryan back to the exit. "Thanks for that. It was…illuminating."

Ryan rolled her eyes but she smiled. "Okay, okay. Go on, get out of here."

Meg chuckled. "See you on the flip side, Ryan."

Ryan nodded and slipped into the suction. She was spit out, right into Benny's waiting arms. "Damn, sugar, you ain't got to fall for me."

Ryan laughed as she extracted herself from Benny's grasp. "Thanks for breaking my fall."

"No problem." He held out a weapon for her and she gladly took it. "Need you to be better armed than you were."

"No kidding. Had I known Meg was taking me on a pleasure tour, I would have come prepared."

They walked in silence a few moments and she could almost feel the burning questions in the air. "Yes?" she prompted with a smile as she followed him.

"You really Dean's girl?"

She thought a moment and shrugged. "I'm his, in that, I don't want anyone else. Don't know if it's double sided or not…"

Benny smiled. "I'd say probably. You seem like a decent girl. And you're a hunter. That's got to count for something. And you went down to Hell and here willingly enough, so you're stupid enough to be Dean's."

She laughed at that. "Yeah, well, life isn't fair most of the time, so we haven't been together very often."

"Tell me about Dean's kids."

She told him then, about Hope, who was all angel and smart ass and very like Dean in temperament. She spoke of Bobby, who was still so small and acted more like her, but had Dean's big heart and sweet side, then she spoke of Jon, who was just developing his personality. Finally she added, "And Dean has another child, another son, Ben."

"Ben is his?"

She nodded. "He spoke of Ben?"

"Sometimes, we got some down-time in here. We talked about our lives a bit. He mentioned the kid."

It didn't surprise her in the least. "He hated leaving them. He loved her, Lisa."

Benny stared at her a minute and smiled. "Well, you're definitely a good one, to not be bitter over what he had with her."

She shrugged. "I only ever wanted his happiness, Benny."

He pondered that a moment. "He happy now?"

"He's the king of Hell. What do you think?"

They were both silent after that. They walked forever it seemed, but finally, Benny stopped and pointed to a cliff. "Up there. That's your exit."

She saw the blue glow emanating from the rocks and grasped his arm. "Come with me, Benny. Please? You can hunt with us. We can keep you safe, keep you from…"

"From what? Being what I am? Naw, sugar, I tried that. Didn't work for me."

She bit her lip as tears stung her eyes. "He cared for you, you know," she told him. "I know he did. He loves you like a brother."

Benny smiled. "Yeah, me too."

She hugged him tightly and was about to walk away when five vampires surrounded them. "Go. I got this," Benny told her.

She shook her head. "Nah, I enjoy the kill too much."

He laughed as they turned their backs to each other and began slicing and dicing, quickly dispatching the monsters attacking them.

When she lopped off the last one's head, she turned to see Benny staring at her. "What?" she asked as she wiped some blood from her face. Most of it was the bodies littering the ground, but she knew she had a few scratches herself. She'd never felt so alive. She finally realized what Dean had meant when he had told Sam Purgatory felt pure.

He shook his head as he chuckled. "You're a good fighter, darlin'."

She smiled. "Thanks. I've been trained by the best. First, by Bobby Singer, now Sam. I would have preferred Dean, but Sam knows almost everything Dean does…"

Benny inclined his head. "That he does. Dean taught that boy well. You lookin' after him, too?"

She nodded. "I'm the Winchester's keeper now. Castiel's too, when he comes down from his job up north."

Benny smiled. "You take care of yourself."

"You too, Benny. Stay safe."

"Hell, I'll do what I can." He hugged her tightly and then walked her to the portal as it glowed in her presence.

"You sure you don't want to come?" she yelled one more time.

He shook his head. "Naw. I like it here just fine."

She stepped over into the portal and looked at him one more time before she felt herself being pulled back to earth.

She popped up in another forest, spit out onto the ground like she was last night's bad meatloaf, and sighed as she lay on the ground. "Great. How the fuck am I supposed to get back to Kansas from Maine?" she glanced at her watch, "Shit! I'm late already!"

"Good thing I'm here," Meg stated from where she was propped up against a tree.

Ryan blinked. "Meg?"

"Told ya I'd see you. The door comes out here. Of course I'd come and get you. Got to get you back to Sammy before he has a bitch fit, right?"

Ryan nodded and stood. Meg took her arm and they were transported back into the bunker, right in front of Sam.

"Damn it, Ryan! Where were you?"

She picked some pine straw out of her hair and smiled at Meg. "We just took a little walk."

Sam shot her a worried look, ignoring the little demon who had gone to talk to Cas across the room. "You okay?"

She smiled. "I'm great."

"You're covered in blood."

She glanced down at herself. "Yeah, but most of it isn't mine…"

"Everyone was worried," he began.

"I'm fine, Sam. I promise."

He sighed. "You going to tell me where you were?"

She nodded. "Yes. But not right now. I need to shower." She glanced at the demon. "Meg, thanks for the…interesting birthday." Meg smiled at her and nodded. Ryan turned and walked out of the dungeon and headed toward the locker room. She still didn't get all the answers, but she had a few. And those few would help her to make the right decisions in the future.

She made a pit stop in Dean's room for her spare change of clothes, then in the locker room she quickly turned on the spray and stripped. She loved the water pressure in the bunker. And the water heater was a gift from God. If you turned the water on as hot as it would go, the whole room filled with steam. She had brought the boys in during the winter when they'd had colds and the steam had opened their little noses.

She smiled as she washed the dirt and blood out of her hair, remembering the first time Sam had seen Bobby sick. He had wondered how the little boy with the angel within him could get sick. She had simply countered with, "He's human, Sam. Even if he is a powerful archangel, his vessel is still a child. Hope was the same way." She remembered all too well the sicknesses, the staying up all night, worrying. It had been so nice to actually have help this time around. Sam was a gift. That much was for sure. She could never have handled two angels and a demon child by herself, much less the other three kids.

"Ryan?" she heard.

"Showering, Sam," she groused. She was hidden away by the shower curtain. They'd installed shower curtains once Ryan and Tory became more permanent fixtures in the bunker, not to mention Krissy and Hope. They also had put a lock on the door so no wayward boys (or the pervs that lived in her house, in any case) could come traipsing in getting a peep show. She supposed they could always pick the lock, they all knew how, but still, it maintained the idea of privacy.

"Where were you?"

She debated lying to him, and she would, obviously, but she stated boldly, "Purgatory."

"You…you went to Purgatory?"

She started attempting to get the blood off her face. "Yeah. Meg saw I was down, figured I'd want to kill something, we didn't have time for a hunt, so, she took me on a field trip."

Sam was quiet and she couldn't help peeking her head around the curtain to make sure he hadn't passed out. He glared at her. "Excuse me?"

She shrugged and slipped the curtain back in place. "It's not a big deal, Sam."

"You could have died, Ryan! It's a dangerous place!"

"No shit, Sherlock," she said for the second time that day as she began washing her neck and shoulders. "Obviously. But I'm okay. It's all good."

"I take it you found something to kill?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, vampires, werewolves, no Leviathans, which would have been cool, but alas…"

"And whatever made Meg want to…?"

She was silent as she washed her arms, but then stated, "Gee, I don't know, Sam. She's a weird chick. A weird…demented…little…demon chick. Who knows? I met Benny, by the way."

"You did?"

"Yeah, tried to talk him into coming home with me, hitching a ride, but he declined the offer, said he knew he was a monster, didn't want to come and be the freak, you know?"

"Did you tell him…?"

She sighed as she ran the soap over her legs. "Yeah, I did."

"And?"

She shut the water off and reached for the towel on the hook outside the curtain. "What do you want me to say? I told him. He reacted surprisingly well. There's not one damn thing you or I or the fucking man in the moon can do about it." She toweled off and slipped it around her body before she opened the curtain. "Are you going to stand there and watch me get dressed?"

He blinked and shook his head. "No, uh, I'll just…"

She nodded. "Do."

He turned, but she touched his arm. "Sam, I was fine."

He looked at her, _really _looked at her and she felt like he was reading her innermost thoughts. "No, you aren't. You weren't fine before you left and you weren't fine while you took your little day trip to Purgatory and you aren't fine now. You've not been fine since that djinn and truthfully, I don't think you've ever _been _fine."

"I haven't!" she shouted suddenly, startling both them with her outburst. "I haven't been fine since you and your damn brother walked back into my life when I was eleven years old! But I've been handling it! Damn it!" she turned and stalked over to the sink where her comb was and began forcing it through her curls. "I'm not fine, Sam. I'm not. My soul's mate is the fucking king of Hell. I've got three children that are all some sort of supernatural being, I've got six kids dependent on _me _for fuck's sake! I've got the Men of Letters and hunting and all these responsibilities, I'm having nightmares about the love of my life raping me and now I find out that Hell has a fucking prophecy about me! So, no, I'm not fine!"

He was silent a moment as fat tears began pouring down her face. "Damn it," she muttered as the tried and fail to stave them off. "I'm not fine," she muttered as she stumbled to the bench that ran the length of the room. "I'm not fine, I'm not fine, I'm not fine…"

She buried her head in her hands and felt Sam's arm go around her. She couldn't help it as she fisted his shirt and sobbed into his shoulder.

She heard him shushing her softly and felt his hand running up and down her back, soothing her, until finally, she felt composed enough to lift her head. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You've been long overdue for that, Ryan. I just wish like hell you'd talk to me more."

"How can I, Sam? I've got to be the strong one. When it all come down to it, he was just a…a dalliance for me. He was your _brother_."

"You don't have to be strong for me, Ryan. Not anymore. We're a team. A unit. Us against the world."

She shook her head. "I don't think I can be part of a unit, Sam. I just…I'm raw. I'm fractured. I'm…"

He put his hand on her face. "You think I'm whole, Ryan? Seriously? Me? I took the devil to the prom for crying out loud."

She laughed as tears continued to stream down her face. "You're an idiot."

"But you love me."

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I do. I'm…I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, with me. It can't be a walk in the park. I mean, you get the crazy wife and you don't even get the sex."

He chuckled. "Contrary to popular belief, there _is _more to life than sex. Don't let the men on TV fool you."

She smiled dejectedly. "It's still not fair to you."

"Ryan, hell, this life? With you? The kids? It's so much more than I thought I'd ever have. We stand a chance at making a big difference with The Men of Letters. If we can get the hunters united, get some serious networking going on…we'll be able to really help people."

She nodded. "I know. You're right."

He blew out a breath. "I still wish he were here with us."

"Me too," she whispered.

He smiled softly. "Come on. Get dressed. I told everyone we'd be along in a little bit. They're all going to meet us over at the restaurant."

"We taking Demon?"

He shook his head. "I think I want to drive Dorothy's motorcycle. You in?"

She grinned. "Hell yeah."

* * *

**An2: Okay, who's ready for the mid-season finale?! I'm NOT! This is my first mid-season finale and I'm dying over here! At least I'll have you guys and this story to help fill the void. I can't begin to imagine what will happen tomorrow night! But I am LOVING this season and I did so enjoy seeing Jody and Donna! I loved that relationship! I want more of those girls on the show! **

**Until next week, my dears! I'll post my review and if you'd like, maybe a few predictions about the rest of the season next week. Cool? **


	22. Scar Tissue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any songs within this chapter or any of my fic. But, how cool would that be if I did?!**

**AN: OMG I've got news regarding this story: Good news? Only four more chaptersu ntil Dean reappears! Bad news? I'm running behind on writing. Not to worry, I'll get it done and out to you. Hopefully I can get a lot of writing done over the holidays while the kids are sleeping and the hubby works. Keep your fingers crossed! **

* * *

**June Twentieth**

**Ryan POV**

"Smile, you guys!" Ryan crowed at the four teens. "You're all graduates! How does it feel?"

They all grumbled a bit shyly and she giggled. "Come on. No more classes, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks…"

"You're a nerd," Ben told her playfully, but he smiled for the camera as she snapped a picture of him in his cap and gown. He grabbed Hope around her shoulders. "Come here, sis!" he exclaimed.

"Watch the hair!" she hissed as she punched his arm, but she smiled for the camera as well. Ryan took the picture and began to move away. "Wait! Come on, Kris! Jesse! Get in here!" Hope shouted as she grabbed both of them by the backs of their gowns. Finally, all four of them were turned and smiling and Ryan snapped the picture. She looked at the four of them standing there. They did it. They had all graduated high school.

Of course, Hope was six years younger, but she didn't look it. She might be thirteen years old in this body, but she looked like an adult. She was taller than Krissy and smarter than the other three put together thanks to her knowledge of her past life coming to the forefront of her mind. She remembered everything, now, including the dead languages she knew as Dionysus. That was actually quite helpful in translating some of the Men of Letters' books.

"I'm proud of you guys," Sam said as he came up with Bobby on his shoulders and Jon in the stroller.

Ryan sniffled back a tear. "Me too," she whispered as she hugged them each by turn.

"Don't cry, Mama Bear," Jesse teased genially. "You know we aren't going far."

Ben let out a snort. "Yeah, it's not like we're going out on our own or anything…"

She bit her lip. She was letting Ben and Jesse go out on a few hunts now, but she wasn't quite ready to release them into the wild, and more often than not, she was having them hunt with the girls or one of the adults, just to be on the safe side. "Well, you guys have all earned some freedom. So, I thought maybe we all deserved some fun. How about we take a little vacation? I booked us a few days at Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City."

That got them all excited. They rarely went anywhere strictly for fun. Ryan regretted that, seeing the excitement on everyone's faces.

"I think they're happy," Sam mused.

She smiled. The day had been perfect. Four of her kids were high school graduates. Oh, how she wished Dean had been there to see it. She glanced up at Sam, who was grinning at the four goofballs who had snagged the camera from Ryan and were making funny faces at each other. She tucked her herself into Sam and gave him a little side-arm hug. "I'm happy, too."

He squeezed her to him. "Me too," he whispered.

She sighed. She _was _happy, but there was definitely half of her missing. And in moments like this, she realized it more than usual. "Come on, you guys!" she called cheerfully. "We've got a dinner reservation."

"That's scary. The eight of us at a restaurant," Sam commented and Ryan laughed despite her slight bought of melancholy. They didn't go out often simply because they were a loud, rambunctious group, but also, because the little boys and their developing powers were somewhat unpredictable. For Ryan's birthday, they had gone to a semi-fancy restaurant and when the waiter came around with baked Alaska and set it on fire, well, it had gone up in smoke and they needed a fire extinguisher so the whole damn place didn't burn to the ground. It had made Ryan laugh, though, because they were now prepared for Jon's little…quirks. Bobby's, though, were just starting to manifest, and in little ways. He would make things disappear and then giggle. He was definitely beginning to play tricks on them. It was uncertain how developed he was, though. His…gift seemed to be coming in spurts.

"We'll be fine. We're going to a nice, calm place, no fires, no candles, it should be good…"

He eyed her warily, then glanced up at Bobby on his shoulders. "It's not Jon I'm worried about."

Ryan shot Bobby a glare. "No funny business at dinner tonight, mister."

He pouted those full lips that reminded her of Dean's, but nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he stated softly. "I's be good."

Her eyebrow popped up. "You say that."

He smiled. "I means it!"

She continued to eyeball him and he leaned down to try and kiss her. "Kisses, Mama! Kisses! I be good!"

She rolled her eyes, but grabbed onto Sam's arm to stand on tiptoe to kiss her son. "I'm going to believe you, Robert Gabriel. For now."

He giggled and that concerned her, that mischief lighting his eyes. She sighed and shook her head. "Come on! Move it, you four!"

She watched them say goodbye to a few people they knew, none of them had really made any friends, and they all eagerly joined her and Sam. "Did ya'll want to hang out with your friends…?" she tried.

Ben and Krissy both shrugged. "Why bother? We're not hanging around with them anymore, anyway," Krissy began.

"Yeah, it's not like we have a lot in common," Ben added.

Ryan surveyed them glumly. "I'm sorry, you guys. I tried to…"

"You did fine," Jesse told her softly.

"We're all the freaks, Mom," Hope put in.

"Yeah, at least we have each other."

"Just like Sam and Dean did in school."

She felt tears in her eyes once more, but just nodded silently. "Okay," she whispered, her voice thick. She cleared her throat. "Okay, let's go get food. Then we need to get packed for our trip."

Dinner was a fun affair. They went to a small diner where they ate burgers and fries and milkshakes. It was a great evening, but that emptiness within Ryan felt like a chasm she couldn't hope to cross.

She looked over to where most of the group was hovering over the old jukebox in the corner, arguing about music.

"You okay?" she heard from behind her. She turned to see Ben standing, leaning on the back of the booth she was sitting in.

She nodded and put on a smile. "Sure. I'm great."

His eyes narrowed as he slid in across from her. "No, you're not."

She sighed. "You're too perceptive, Ben."

He shrugged. "Call it 'Mom Radar'. I could always pick up on it when she'd had a bad day, too. What's up?"

She bit her lip. "Nothing."

He glanced over at their family and sighed. "Today was tough, without her."

She reached over and grabbed his hand. "Ben…I'm so sorry. I didn't even think…"

He shook his head and smiled sadly. "It's cool, Ryan. No biggie. I just…I think I know what you're feeling. I was talking to Cas about things a few days ago…"

Her eyebrow rose. She knew Cas had come down to the bunker about a week before, but she had been busy with Bobby's Tae Kwon Do while Jesse had worked with Jon, teaching him how to focus a little bit. Tough, indeed, when your charge was a toddler who couldn't say more than a few words, but he had been infinitely patient with the little one. "What were you talking about?"

"You."

"Me?"

Ben nodded. "And Dean."

"Ahhh…" She took a stuttering breath and closed her eyes a moment as she rested her chin in her hand. She opened her eyes and her gaze lit on his hazel green one. "And?"

"I didn't know all the soul mate stuff. Cas explained it to me. I mean, I knew about the prophecy, that I'm part of it, you told me that, but I didn't know you were his soul mate, and had been since you were a baby…"

She shrugged. "Not that it makes a difference."

"It makes all the difference. I wondered how he could walk away from us. I know he loved Mom. I'm not stupid. I get that. But…I can see how it wasn't enough for him to stay. If it had been you, he couldn't have walked away."

"He _did _walk away from me, Ben. Time and again."

"But he kept coming back."

"Didn't he do the same with Lisa?"

He paused a moment before he shook his head. "It was evident he wasn't all there. I can't help but think, if it had been you he would have gone to, it would have…"

Pain, sharp and true, lanced her heart. Hadn't she often thought the same thing? "He didn't, though, Ben. And your mom, as well as you, patched him up the best way you knew how. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. All I ever wanted was his happiness. I'm glad he found some with you."

Ben glanced at the little boys, who were dancing with Hope to "Sweet Home Alabama" and he smiled. "He should be here, with us."

She gasped out a sob. "I know," she muttered.

"I'm sorry he isn't."

"Me too," she managed.

"You have us, Ryan. You know that, right? And you've got Sam. And Cas. And I know it isn't the same, but you've got us."

She felt a tear track down her face. "Thanks, Ben. I know."

"Ben!" Hope called and he smiled.

"You know, I really do love this, Ryan. I love Hope and Bobby. And Jon. I miss Mom, but I love you guys."

"I love you, too, Ben."

He nodded. "Okay, well, guess I'll go see what the little monster wants now." He stood and she watched him walk away.

Her gaze shifted as Sam sat across from her. "What's up?"

She shrugged. "We need to get the boys in for their tatts. It won't be long and they'll start asking for the MOL ink like Kris, Tory, you and I have."

"They deserve it. Or they will, in any case. They're smart guys."

"They're awesome guys," she corrected with a smile.

"You do know Jesse doesn't need the anti-possession sigil."

She nodded. "But he may want it, just to make him fit in a bit more." She paused. "I wonder if it would burn him, since he's half demon?"

"Who knows?"

She snorted. "We'll try him with Hope's old necklace, first, see if that bothers him, before he inks up."

"Sounds like a plan."

She looked over at the boy. He was shy, yes, but he really did fit in quite well with their little family. She was glad he was with them. He'd been good for the dynamic. "Well, let's enjoy the water park, then, when we come back, we'll get them inked. I'm getting the itch for some new ink, myself."

He shot her a dour look. "What's your obsession with tattoos?"

She thought a moment. "I don't know. But I like it. You don't have to," she stated defensively.

"Don't be a jerk about it, Ryan. I was just asking a question."

She blew out a breath. "I know. Sorry. Just the stress of the day, I guess."

He eyed her a moment. "Do you want some time alone? I know…" he paused. "Well, today can't be easy for you. Hope graduated. Granted, she's not seventeen, but she's more mature than that anyway. I know it isn't easy, letting her go, even if it isn't far. It's…different."

She chuckled flatly. "Nah, I'm good with that. It isn't that I'm depressed over."

He thought and then his eyes widened. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

She shook her head. "Don't be. I know there is nothing anyone can do. It's just…some days it jumps up and bites me on the ass, you know? I miss him so damn much and I don't know why. I never _had _him. It's ridiculous!"

"You don't ever have to hide that part of yourself from me, Ryan. Don't you know that?"

She sighed and began tracing designs in the woodwork on the table. "It's just…it sucks."

"What sucks?"

She looked up at him. "When you know that you need to let go, but you can't, because you're still waiting for the impossible to happen."

"What do you want to happen, Ryan?"

She could lie about a lot of things. But not about this. "I want him, Sam. I want him to come topside and live a normal life with me."

They sat in silence for a moment before Sam blew out a breath. "Wow."

She snorted. "Told you it was impossible."

They were silent a moment more before he whispered, "If I could give you that, I would, Ryan."

She nodded. "I know. But…you can't. No one can. I get it. I don't…I don't want him as a demon, Sam. I don't think I could ever look him in the eyes. I know, I know, everyone says he's like he always was, but…I can't, Sam. I can never see him. He terrifies me. I know that thing with the djinn wasn't real. I know he didn't hurt me. But…I'm so afraid to see him as a demon. I can't…" She licked her dry lips and took a breath. "Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat as I remember that nightmare, or have another one just as bad. I want him, but I want him human or not at all."

"You don't mean that."

She gave him a self-depreciating smile. "And the sad part about that is you're right. If he walked in this diner right now, I wouldn't hesitate to go with him. To the ends of the earth. To Hell and back, I would." She shook her head and closed her eyes as she put her chin on her hand again. "Damn. I'm fucked."

"Yep."

She shot him a glare. "Thanks for that."

He shrugged. "It's accurate."

* * *

**July Thirty First **

"Damn it, Ryan, concentrate!" Sam shouted as she dug the grave. It was supposed to be a simple salt and burn, and it had been, but her daughter wasn't making things easier. Krissy had gone with Tory on a vampire hunt and Ben and Jesse were tailing two rogue demons and Hope kept texting her. She was stuck at home watching the little boys and keeping an ear on the phones. In truth, they should have brought her, and one of them stayed behind, but Sam had wanted to go out in the field and this was only about a five hour drive from their home base, so they decided to run over one night after dinner. No big deal. At least, it shouldn't have been.

Ryan read the text aloud; "I just don't see why you couldn't have sent me with Krissy. You and Tory could have handled the salt and burn then Sam could have stayed here…"

Ryan debated what to reply. The child was obstinate. She just wasn't sure if the kid got it from her, or Dean. Or both. Probably both. Most definitely, both. Finally, she settled on, "I thought being that I'm one of the chief Persons of Letters, you were supposed to do as I said, no questions asked." She put her phone in her pocket and dug a bit longer before she decided it was Sam's turn.

He glared at her as Ryan hopped out of the grave. "Your turn to dig now," she stated with a smile.

He huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes as he jumped down into the hole. She heard Hope's text tone beep and she fished her phone out of her pocket once more, holding her shotgun loosely in her arms as she read aloud, "I just fail to see why you keep moving us around. Sam and Dad were a team. They rarely ever split up and you have me and Kris separated more often than we are together!"

"Kid's got a point," Sam muttered.

"You know why I'm switching them around, Sam."

"I do. Maybe you need to explain that to your daughter."

Ryan sighed and typed out; "Hope, you're both so young. Can't you see we're just trying to make you guys not quite so reliant on one another? You need to be able to adapt to whatever situation you face. That was one of your dad and Sam's biggest downfalls. They relied on one another too much." She bit her tongue, then added "Besides, until we know what your job is, for the prophecy…I don't want Krissy becoming too dependent on you."

She waited with bated breath until Hope replied; "You think I'm going to be stuck upstairs, don't you?"

Ryan wasted no time in shooting back; "I don't know, sweetie, and I know you love hunting with Krissy. I know she's your best friend, she's like a sister to you. But I have to do what's right for both of you. That's my job, as your boss, your mother, and your friend."

Hope sent back a quick; "You're right. I know you're right."

She was trying to think of what to reply, so she didn't notice the spirit approaching until it was too late and she felt herself being shoved to the ground.

"Ryan!"

Ryan shot at the ghost with a salt pellet. "Keep digging!" she shouted as she suddenly became aware of her surroundings. _Stupid_, she yelled at herself. _You know you should be paying attention to what's around you! _The ghost appeared to her left and she shot again.

She ran slightly away from the grave so hopefully it would keep the thing's attention on her instead of on Sam's digging. "How's it going, Sam?" Ryan asked as she popped two more shells in the sawed-off and waited.

"Almost…" she heard him grunt.

Ryan's eyes narrowed as the spirit appeared right above her grave and Ryan shot again. "Damn it," she muttered. "Anytime you wanna finish digging, sugar," she growled.

"About another foot!" Sam groused.

"Fuck." She kept her eyes constantly moving, waiting. But she was grabbed and tossed like a rag doll as the thing came up behind her.

She heard another shot and glanced up in time to see Sam standing with her own shotgun on top of the grave. "Just gotta light her up and we're good to go."

Ryan scrambled to her feet and cried out as she put weight on her ankle. It was sprained at the very least. She limped forward but felt one last shove and then, nothing.

She came to only moments later, to find Sam standing over her. She glanced at the grave and saw a lovely rosy hue coming from it, meaning he'd gotten the bones lit. "You are the stupidest woman I've ever met!" he yelled as she sat up. "Do you realize that thing could have killed you? Almost did, I think!"

She winced as her head felt like it was splitting in two, and feeling the lump and the blood in her hair, she wasn't wholly convinced it wasn't. "Gee, thanks, Sam, for kicking a girl while she's down."

"I'm so fucking pissed at you. Next time we leave the fucking phones in the fucking car!"

She nodded shamefaced as she attempted to stand. She got on one foot and started limping toward the car.

"Are you alright?" he managed softly.

"I'm fine," she answered through clenched teeth.

"No, you're not."

She sighed. "No, I'm not, but it's on me, Sam. I failed. I was too interested in Hope and not in watching your back. I put both of us in danger. I'm sorry."

He glared at her. "You should be."

She licked her lips nervously as they walked in silence. He walked on ahead as she attempted to limp her way back to the car but he dropped the shovel in the trunk and came back for her, scooping her into his arms. "I'm only carrying you because I'm ready to get the hell out of dodge."

Her lips quirked, but she remained silent. "Thank you," she managed.

"I'm still pissed. You're the biggest idiot I've ever met."

She nodded. "No arguments."

"And this is going to be an example. I'm going to make an example out of this, a reminder to the four kids about why you should have remained focused."

"I agree with you."

He glanced at her and she looked at him. "I'm sorry, Sam," she whispered.

He sighed as he gently sat her in the passenger seat. "I know, Ryan. I know."

Three nights later, she glanced over at him. They were sitting on opposite sides of the couch, both reading. She had delved into the stupid fucking Outlander series and hated it as much as she loved it and had, naturally, gotten him into the books too. He was one behind her and they were racing so she could finish one and he didn't have to wait so long to start the next story.

He had, indeed, used her as an example, even going so far as to refuse to let Hope heal her ankle. It wasn't a bad sprain, in any case, but still, it stung. He was right, though. Injuries were a part of hunting, one everyone needed to be aware of. This also led to a new rule; no texting on a job. It was like those 'don't text and drive' campaigns only he wanted everyone to send an emoticon of a ghost to let others know they were hunting. It would have been funny had Sam not had the most serious face on. She still had laughed at him, but she understood his desire for them all to stay safe.

Exhaustion finally hit her and she tossed her book onto the side table, dramatically throwing her head back into the sofa cushion. "Saaaaam," she whined.

He looked up and glanced at her. "What?"

"Carry me to bed."

Sam laughed. "Nope. Last time I checked, your leg wasn't broken, Ryan."

"But…it still hurts," she whined softly. She hadn't deserved sympathy, but then, she hadn't received any from him, or anyone else, for that matter.

He shot her a look. "It's a sprain. You'll live. You should have been focusing on our salt and burn, not your damn phone."

He was right and she knew he was still about half pissed at her for being such a dumbass. She was preparing to stand when he stood and in a surprising move, scooped her up, causing her to giggle. "Just this once, Ryan," he stated as he moved toward the stairs.

He carried her to her room and sat her down on her bed. "Thanks, Sam," she whispered.

He shook his head and smiled before kissing her forehead. "Hey, what are brothers for, right?"

She nodded. They had finally figured out how exactly to be brother and sister. It was easier, and it worked for them. If Sam had any romantic feelings for her, he never showed it, and she believed him when he said he loved her like he loved Dean…as a sibling. It was one of the most comforting feelings she had ever felt.

* * *

**August Sixteenth**

Ryan had Creedence blaring as she researched lore for Garth and his pack. Since he and his wife had decided to hunt, and since his wife had gotten pregnant, _again, _she had taken a back seat in the hunting department and he was now hunting with his father-in-law on the side. It was working out well. The wolf in them was giving them a great edge. Ryan was still a bit nervous being around them if they wolfed out, but when he was just same old, sweet, goofy Garth, she was cool with it. She had sent Hope and Krissy to go up and help on this particular job, finding shifters. It was a good one for the girls, who had never been on a shifter hunt before.

Just then, she heard a noise and drew her gun. No one was in the bunker but her. Sam had taken Bobby and Jon with him to make a supply run and to let them play with their powers a little bit. Bobby had gotten in trouble for turning a stuffed frog into a real one, scaring Krissy, who had then been made fun of by Ben and Jesse. Jon, not to be bested by his big brother, had turned a stuffed tiger into a real one. _That _had been a bitch to deal with. Ryan had been looking over lore to find a way to dampen Jon's powers, but thus far, she'd found nothing, and had been quite relieved when Garth had called with a question about shifters. It seemed as though they'd found some with powers to change their looks without shedding their skin. Ryan was intrigued.

She heard a door slamming shut and she ducked behind a wall, waiting as footsteps began approaching. She snagged her flask of holy water out of her pocket, just in case, and waited.

She heard a timid voice calling out, "H-Hello? Sam? Dean? Kevin? Anyone?"

Ryan burst out from behind the wall and splashed the person. Charlie Bradbury blinked and attempted to wipe the holy water from her face. "Okay, rude." She saw who splashed her and said, "Ryan?"

"Charlie?"

"Ryan!"

"Charlie!" The two women hugged.

"Oh my gosh! What are you doing here?" Charlie asked as Ryan pulled away.

"I'm a Woman of Letters," Ryan said as she showed Charlie her tattoo.

"So you and Dean?!"

At that, Ryan paused. "Uh, no…"

"Well, then…what's happening? I mean, he's like, one half of the Men of Letters, right?"

Ryan winced. "Not exactly…"

Charlie glared at her. "What am I missing?"

Ryan bit her lip. She knew Charlie cared for both Sam and Dean almost like brothers. They were all orphans. It tended to draw a person close. "I need to tell you some stuff…"

Charlie gasped. "Oh, God, is Dean dead?"

Ryan blinked. _Hell…_"No, well, not exactly…"

Charlie just looked at her. "I think we need to sit down and talk, don't you?"

Ryan nodded. "And you need to tell me about Oz!"

Charlie's nose wrinkled. "I'd rather not, if that's okay."

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "Ooookay…do we need booze?"

"Yes! I don't care what it is. Ugh. I'm so sick of getting my jollies from poppy tea! I need some serious shit."

Ryan smiled and walked over to the liquor cabinet she and Sam had put in. "Come over and let Mama take care of you. Then we can talk."

Two hours later, Sam and the boys came in to find Ryan and Charlie both three sheets to the wind. "Sam!" Charlie yelled as she got up and almost fell flat on her face, causing Ryan to giggle.

"You're drunk off your ass!" Ryan shouted.

Sam's eyebrow popped up. "Like you're not?" he shot back at her. She stuck her tongue out at him. He hugged Charlie and then pulled her away to look at her. "You look great, Charlie. You cut off all your hair."

She nodded. "'Sit's easier to look after when you're running for your life…"

He glanced at Ryan, who was sober enough to shake her head, warning Sam not to bring up Oz. She hadn't gotten the tale from Charlie, but she knew she would one day. For now, at least, Charlie was up to speed on Ryan and Sam's lives, as well as Dean's. "Sorry about Dean, Sam," Charlie stated softly but sloppily.

"Uh…thanks, Charlie." He glanced at Ryan. "You two need food?"

"God, yes! Greasy cheeseburgers!" Charlie yelled. "And pizza! And Chinese food!"

Sam grinned. "Okay, why don't I go get one or all of those and you two attempt to sober up, okay? I'll just take the boys with me again…"

"No! I'm tired of the car, Uncle Sam!" Bobby whined. "Me and Jon will stay here with Mom and Charlie!"

"Mommy!" Jon shouted from Sam's arms.

"I'm fine, Sam. I'm not as lit as Charlie over there," Ryan stated as she stood and wobbled only slightly. "I won't let the kids get into the weapons. I'm a fairly responsible adult…most of the time."

He smiled. "I'm not worried about that, Ryan. I'd take you drunk into a fight before I would most people, sober. It's all good." He glanced at the two kids and two women with trepidation before he squared his shoulders. "Okay, be back shortly. I'll lock you in…"

"Good idea, Sambo!" Charlie shouted as she sat down on the floor. "Come here, kid. Let me see you," she said to Bobby. "You don't remember me, but I'm your aunt Charlie!"

Bobby grinned and walked over to her. Ryan just smiled as Jon wanted to be picked up. She snuggled him to her, glad one more member of their rag-tag family was home.

* * *

**December Twenty-First**

"Winchesters! Assemble!" Ryan yelled. "If ya'll aren't in that big-ass van to take us to the airport, your asses are being left at home!"

Sam chuckled as four young adults and two little boys came out of the woodwork, talking all at one time. "Well, that worked."

Ryan grinned. "It usually does." This was it, their last big family vacation. She and Sam were setting the older kids free to hunt on their own in pairs. After much discussion, they decided to take Hope's part of the prophecy and shove it where the sun didn't shine. She was a kid. Gabe wanted her hunting. There must have been a reason for that. So, for now, she was to hunt with Krissy full time, while Ben hunted with Jesse. Jesse would still be coming back in from time to time to help train Jon and Hope would be coming in and out to train with Bobby as time allowed as well, but for the most part, they were all going hunting full time. Ryan wasn't sure how she felt about it.

Their Christmas this year was being spent at Disney World in Florida for a week. Jon was two, Bobby was five, Hope was thirteen, Ben was nineteen, Jesse was twenty and Krissy was twenty-one.

Charlie had decided she did not like hunting as much as she thought she would and Ryan knew it had something to do with whatever happened in Oz, but since she was being close-lipped about the whole thing, Ryan had let the matter drop and they'd welcomed her into the Letter's Bunker with little fanfare but a lot of excitement. She was staying behind in case anyone needed her over the Christmas holiday. They'd tried to talk her into going, but she had refused, stating it was a family thing. Both Ryan and Sam had countered that she was family, but still, she had refused. Tory was going to come by the bunker and hang out with her and Ryan had the feeling Castiel would be making an appearance in the bunker as well.

Ryan wasn't sure when she'd had as much fun. She loved seeing everyone so happy. It really was the happiest place on earth.

"Ryan? You okay?" Krissy asked softly as the fireworks lit Cinderella's castle.

Ryan wiped a tear from her cheek and nodded. "I'm so happy I have you guys. I was alone for so long and now look at my family." She saw Ben standing arm-in-arm with Hope, Jesse kneeling down and pointing out something to Jon, and Sam holding Bobby's hand.

"We're the lucky ones, Ryan. You've taken care of us and loved us, even when we weren't lovable." Her smiles and her tears grew as she hugged the girl she'd come to think of as her daughter.

The trip had been quite wonderful. There had been a few snafu's on the trip; Hope and Jesse had a knock-down, drag out argument that caused black eyes as well as blue to flash, Ryan still wasn't sure what that was about, but cooler heads had prevailed as Ben and Krissy had calmed down their hunting partners. The little boys had loved every moment of seeing Mickey Mouse and all his friends and now, Ryan felt a contentment she hadn't in most of her life. This. This life. It was awesome, it really was. And in moments like this, she almost didn't feel the soul crushing despair that Dean wasn't with them.

* * *

**April Fifteenth**

"Get your taxes done?" Sam asked as he handed Ryan a cup of coffee in the bunker.

Tory snorted and Ryan shot him a look. "Bite me," she retorted as she rubbed her eyes. She had the feeling she was heading for glasses. Her vision was starting to bug her. Of course, she was reading twenty-four/seven it seemed lately.

He chuckled. "So, what's on the agenda today, ladies?"

"Hope called me last night. Got a case in Nebraska. I honestly wouldn't have picked up on it, but you know how smart she is. She's been tracking it. Kills on the lunar cycle."

"Werewolf?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nope. All the vics are tortured, badly."

"How badly?"

Ryan winced. "With this level of torture, it's evident it isn't human. It's also evident it likes toying with its prey. The bodies aren't eaten."

"Well, that rules out a handful of monsters."

"Exactly. The torture is bad enough she thought it was a demon. She called Meg who looked into it. It ain't a rogue demon."

"Do we know what it is yet?"

"Hope's got an idea."

"This thing got a type?"

Again, Ryan shook her head. "Nope. And that's what took Hope so long to figure it out. It only kills women, but their gender is the only thing they have in common. Women, or individuals who identify as women, in any case. The first was a transgender undergoing sexual reassignment. It was labeled as a hate crime and everyone moved on. But it was just the beginning. After she was killed, there was one woman a month. And that was when the pattern showed that sexuality didn't matter, either. Gay, straight, bi, there were no connections of any kind. Until Hope dug deeper," she added.

"Did she figure it out?"

At that, Ryan smiled. "You know she did. Says she thinks she's got a lead on something, or rather, some_one_, but she wants to know if perhaps we could handle it."

Sam's eyebrows rose over his mug. "She wants _us _to handle it? Must be bad. What is it?"

Ryan blew out a breath as she stood and leaned over the desk to hand him some paperwork. "Megaera."

His brow furrowed as he accepted the papers and she sat back down. "The Disney chick Hercules hooked up with?"

Tory snorted again from where she was researching a salt-and-burn for the boys and Ryan grinned. "You've been around my babies too long, Sammy. This is the real Megaera. She was called "The Jealous One" and is one of the Greek Furies."

"Why does that sound like a bad thing?"

Ryan leaned back and steepled her fingers. "It is. Hope said Megaera was renowned as the cause of jealousy and envy and punishes people who commit crimes, especially marital infidelity. That was the connection Hope found…it didn't matter if they were gay, straight, bi, pan, whatever sexuality, they were having affairs on their significant others."

"This sounds like loads of fun," Sam pitched in sarcastically.

Ryan held up a finger. "But wait. It gets better. Hope also said she is wicked smart and damn near impossible to catch."

"A snitch, Ryan. You're describing a snitch from Quidditch," Charlie added as she came in with some paperwork as well. She was helping one of the new guys, Mike, with research.

Ryan rolled her eyes as she leaned back once more and propped her feet up on the table. "Hey, fact is fact. Hope offered to come along and help, since she knows this chick, but we don't want to tip her off to the fact we know it's her, you know?"

"So…who's going?" Sam wanted to know as he took a bite of his fruit salad.

Ryan cleared her throat. She had given this a lot of thought, and while she wasn't thrilled with the idea, it was the only one that made sense. "Well, last time I checked, the only married hunter we have besides Garth, is me."

Sam's eyes grew wide. "You want to…"

She bit her lip. _Suck it up, Fawcett, _she thought to herself. "And I need a male partner to be…"

"…the one you cheat with," Sam finished softly.

Ryan sucked in a breath and blew it out as she put her feet down and leaned in a bit. "I don't know how it could be anyone else."

He shook his head. "No, me either. How will this work?"

She pulled out the copy of the lunar cycle she had printed out. She tossed it his direction and he reached for it. "From what Hope found, she's killing at a certain time in the cycle. Unfortunately, she killed two weeks ago, so that gives us two weeks to get in and get…"

"Wait, wait, wait, what are you wanting to do, Ryan?"

She drummed her pen on the table. "Honestly? I think undercover is the best way. I mean, we've got to establish a relationship, she needs to see it."

"Do we know what she looks like?"

Ryan nodded. "Hope gave me a physical description."

Sam sighed haggardly as he sat back in his chair. "So, what? We just go for two weeks and just…? What? Leave the kids?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't see how we have a choice, Sam. Garth's a werewolf. I don't think she intermixes species. Besides, he's not going to leave his wife for weeks on end when she's about ready to pop with their next kid. Tory's hooking up with Cas, but, well, that isn't…" She glanced at Tory, who grinned.

"It's a 'dalliance' as Cas says. Which totally works for me, you know that."

Ryan grinned. She had the distinct impression it was more than a 'dalliance' for both her friends, but for now, she'd let them continue thinking that. "Yeah, so…"

"And we all know I'm the lonely spinster over here," Charlie stated with a chuckle.

Ryan smiled at her other friend. Coming back from Oz had been hard on Charlie. She was enjoying living at the bunker and being a Woman of Letters, but she hadn't found the love of her life, yet. That wasn't stopping her from looking, though. Last Ryan had heard, she'd hooked up with Tracy Bell, one of their hunters, but they were just 'dalliances' as well. For now, in any case.

"So, we're going?" Sam inquired.

Ryan nodded. "These two are going to hold down the fort, look after Mischief One and Mischief Two…"

Sam eyed her. "Ryan…are you sure?"

Ryan shrugged. "Bitch's got to be ganked, right? Looks like we're the two to do it."

"I don't have a great feeling about this, Ryan," Sam told her softly.

She just looked at him. Truthfully, she'd had a sense of dread pitting in her stomach as soon as Hope told her about the case, but what could she do? Someone had to do it. And it looked like it had to be them. So, she buried that dread and smiled at him. "Come on, Sammy. Undercover work? Sounds like fun! I haven't pretended to be something other than an FBI agent in forever. Time to dust off those old acting skills."

He sighed anew and shook his head as he stood. "Alright. What's your play?"

Two days later, Ryan walked into the bar with the "Now Hiring" sign on it. She'd set herself up at the no-tell-motel up the road and she was driving her beautiful Demon. Sam was going to be working at the computer repair shop down the street and he'd also gotten a room at the motel. He had driven one of the motorcycles from the bunker's garage. Their covers were that they didn't know one another. She wondered briefly if she could pull this off, but she figured now was as good a time as any to see if she was as talented a liar as she thought she was.

She glanced around the dimly lit place and smiled. It reminded her of Harvelle's all of a sudden. And when the crusty owner came out of the back room, she was definitely taken back. "Be with ya in a sec, hon!" the lady called to Ryan as she sat on a barstool.

Ryan smiled as the woman approached. "What can I get ya?"

"A job?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"You ever tended bar before?"

Ryan nodded in affirmation. "Forever and a day ago, when I was in college. I know my way around liquor." It wasn't a lie. She hadn't bartended officially, but she had filled in for her friend a time or two.

"You know how to make a whiskey sour?"

"One of my favorites," Ryan stated before she rattled off the ingredients.

"Long Island Iced Tea?"

Ryan chuckled. "That one messed me up on my twenty-first birthday," she commented before telling the woman what it took to make one of the best drinks in existence.

The woman's eyebrows rose. "Okay, you know how to make them for yourself. Think you could make them for a crowd?"

At that, Ryan looked around the bar. "There's a crowd?"

The woman cracked a smile. "A smartass? Oh I like ya, kid. Fine. You start tonight. You mix drinks when I'm busy. Some of the time, you wait tables. We work together and it works best. We're like a family here. Got it?"

Ryan nodded eagerly. "Thanks."

The woman shrugged. "If you ain't good enough, I murder you and throw your body in my freezer to eat at my leisure."

Ryan laughed. "Sounds like a deal."

They shook hands, and Ryan walked out and texted Sam; _I'm gainfully employed. You?_

He sent back a quick reply; _Yes. And may I add how thrilled I am to be working for the masses? _

She chuckled and sent him back another text; _Well, come to Chelsea's on Vine tonight. Let's get this started. _

His reply didn't fill her with the warm and fuzzies; _Yeah, the sooner you can cheat on your husband, the sooner we can be done. _Her breath caught as it occurred to her just what she might have to do with Sam for this case. She knew she wouldn't have to take it all the way, but how far would she have to take it, that was the question…

Ryan was beginning to worry about Sam when he didn't show for hours. She was sweating and working her ass off by the time he showed around ten o'clock that night. She shot him a glare but put on a smile as he sat at the bar. "What can I get ya?" she asked sweetly.

"Beer. Whatever you've got in a bottle."

Her eyebrow rose but she got it and smiled at him. "If ya need anything else, sugar, just let me know." She winked at him, and walked away.

"Who's the fox at the end of the table?" Trish, another of the waitresses asked.

Ryan shrugged. "Dunno."

"He was checking out your ass."

Ryan chuckled. "Well, I do have a fine ass."

Trish laughed as Ryan filled the order for the other woman's tray. Ryan had been under the assumption she would be working to help Eleanor Chelsea, the owner, but that quickly went out the window when Chels (which is what she wanted to be called) saw how capable Ryan was behind the bar and she'd been working her tush off for the past three hours. She glanced over at Sam a time or two, but didn't make it back over to him until he was peeling the label on his bottle.

"Sorry, hun, got busy."

"So I see."

"Need a new one?"

He smiled at her. "Sure. If I can get your number."

She scoffed. "Sorry, toots. Married."

He glanced around. "I don't see him in here with you."

She smirked and shook her head. "He's in the military."

"There aren't any bases around here."

She shrugged. "Got to go where a job is."

"That a fact?" He sipped his new beer thoughtfully. "Well, thanks for the beers." He put down some money, along with a generous tip, and walked out.

She watched him with her brows furrowed. That was it? All the interaction for their first…whatever? She was confused. But then Trish came up and whistled. "He's got it bad for you, Ryan."

She shrugged. "Won't do him any good," Ryan commented as she toyed with the small gold band she had bought as a prop for this case.

The other woman snorted. "Guy looks like that? Looks at _you _like that? Your panties come off whether you want them to or not. You can't help yourself."

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. _Maybe this whole damn thing was a mistake…_

And that was how they played it for the next week. Their little looks, the little glances, slowly grew as they "got to know each other" and began flirting. It made Ryan extremely uncomfortable, but she was able to hide it well enough. The discomfort could be attributed to the fact she was starting this affair in the first place. Their first "date" took place one week to the day of her arrival in town. They talked in quiet whispers about the case, heads bent towards one another as they ate a quiet dinner in the local steakhouse and she knew town gossips were already starting to talk.

"I saw Megaera. She came into the bar."

"And?" Sam asked as he cut his steak.

Ryan chewed thoughtfully before she answered. "She looks just like Hope described her. Quiet, librarian looking. Flaming red hair, intense green eyes, milky white skin…"

Sam's eyebrow rose. "Librarian looking?"

She smirked and sipped her wine. "Like a legit librarian. Not the porn kind." He snorted and her smile grew. "She seems…nice. Which is weird to think of a monster being nice…"

"Says the chick with two monster sons…"

She shrugged. He had a point. "Good point. Anyway, she's vengeful, so she's toast."

"And Hope seems certain you have to kill this chick on a certain day in the lunar cycle? When she's in the middle of a kill?"

Ryan nodded. "It was the same when she killed Tisiphone."

"Well, at least she got the vengeance chick out of the way for us, back in the day."

Ryan thought a moment. "You think the third sister will come for us? Alecto?"

"What was she? Unceasing anger, right?"

Ryan nodded.

He blew out a breath. "Maybe we ought to check into her, but if she's not showing any signs of causing trouble, maybe she was like Hope or Gabriel, just laying low."

Ryan let out a snort. "Makes you wonder how many angels are actually the so-called Greek and Norse gods, doesn't it?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to think about it, honestly. Makes my head hurt."

She chuckled. "Mine too." She paused as she sipped her wine. "You know, Trish thinks you're going to score tonight."

Sam's eyebrow popped up. "Am I?"

She laughed throatily. "I haven't decided."

"Well, make sure you keep me in the loop. I mean, if we have fake sex, I'd like to know, you know?"

She felt her cheeks heat and felt certain it had nothing to do with the wine in her system. "Sam…I'm…"

He reached over and grasped her hand. "Ryan, it's okay. I know this is…uncomfortable, for both of us, actually. It's okay."

"Is it? Really?"

He blew out a breath and sat back, releasing her hand. "Honestly? I don't know. It's complicated as hell."

She smiled at that. "Well, it's only for a little bit longer, right?"

He nodded with a grim smile. "Yeah. Just for a little while."

But it wasn't for just a little while. Only a few nights later, another victim was found.

"Damn," Ryan muttered as she read the newspaper. "I was really hoping we could kill this bitch and be done with it."

Sam sighed as he lounged on the other bed. He had "slept over" so he had slept in her other double bed. "Looks like we're here for another month."

She groaned as she threw the newspaper on him and walked to get her phone. She sat on her bed and punched in Tory's number. "I'll call Tory, tell her the great news," she stated derisively.

She watched Sam as he sighed again and flopped back onto the bed on his back once more. "Damn it," he was muttering under his breath.

Her eyes narrowed. "Look, this isn't a walk in the park for me, either, Sam, but I'm handling it. Don't be a Grumpy Gus about the whole thing…"

He stood and marched to the little kitchen table where she had some of her research laid out. "I'm not! Damn it, Ryan, I…" he broke off and shook his head.

"You're what?"

"I…"

She stood and walked to him. She placed a gentle had on his arm. "You're what, Sam?"

He turned and looked at her, really looked her in the eye. She could tell he had something he wanted to say, but his eyes moved from hers and she could all but feel him shutting down. "I'm late. I've got to get to work. Wouldn't do to get fired…"

"Sam…" she began.

He shook his head. "Don't, Ryan, just…don't, okay? I've got to go. I'll see you tonight, alright?"

She bit the inside of her cheek, but nodded. "Okay. See you tonight…" She watched him walk out and she sighed. Four more weeks…man, this job was turning sucky, quick.

Three weeks later, Ryan was wowing patrons as she flipped bottles in the air. She was good with knives, and had begun juggling to make Hope laugh as a baby, but now she was using that skill ala Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

"Impressive," the woman said as she slid onto a barstool.

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. Megaera. It was the first time she had actually spoken to Ryan. Ryan smiled. "Thanks. What can I get you?"

"Martini. Dry. Two olives."

Ryan nodded. "You got it." She quickly made the woman's drink and was just popping the olives in it when Sam walked in.

He slid onto the seat next to Megaera and smiled at Ryan. "Hey, babe."

Ryan's lip quirked. When Sam played this Rico Suave thing he channeled his inner Dean. It made it painful for Ryan, but at the same time, it was almost a sweet remembrance. "Hey, sugar. Be with you in a minute. You want your usual?"

"Beer with a side of you? Absolutely."

She chuckled throatily as she handed Megaera her drink. "Watch out for this one, he's a charmer."

Megaera evaluated him over her glass as she swirled it. "So it seems." Her eyes cut back to Ryan and she smiled. "Thank you. It is delicious." And with that, she stood and walked away, taking her drink to an abandoned corner of the bar.

Sam let out a low whistle. "So, that's her?"

Ryan nodded. "I think she zeroed in on me."

Sam swallowed hard as Ryan handed him his beer. "Be careful, Ryan."

"Please," she scoffed. "I'm a professional."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Hey, Ryan! Come here!" Chels said from the other end of the bar.

Ryan sighed. "Be back in a minute, Sam." She walked down to Chels. "Yeah, boss?"

"You know how to sing?"

Ryan blinked at the odd question. "Yeah…sort of."

"Good. You're in." She shooed Ryan away and barked into the phone, "Got you a replacement singer. Get your asses here, on time, understand?"

Ryan's brows knit as she looked at the woman. "What?"

Chels smiled. "Got you a gig, singing with the band. Their singer is sick. You know their music, right?"

Ryan nodded. They played a lot of old classics, but also delved into newer rock. "Sure."

"Good. They'll be here tomorrow night. You're singing."

Ryan blew out a breath as she walked back to Sam in a daze. "Ryan? What's up?"

"Apparently I'm singing with the band tomorrow night."

He grinned. "Well, alright. I can't wait to see this."

She shot him a glare.

"Shit! I'm nervous!" Ryan yelled from the bathroom as she applied her makeup. She swiped the powder on her face before she moved on to her eye shadow.

"You'll be fine, Ryan," Sam stated from the other side of the door.

"I don't feel fine," she told him as she applied first one, then the second color. "I feel sick. Sam, I've never sang for a crowd before." She paused. "Well, unless you count drunken karaoke with Tory and Andy, and I don't.

"You'll do fine. You have a great voice."

She applied her mascara with experienced precision and countered with, "I know I have a decent voice. But what if I get stage fright, what if…" She was really regretting eating that chicken salad sandwich for lunch. She should go ahead and vomit now, get it over with. The butterflies in her stomach were causing her to feel sick.

"You won't. You're one of the most confident people I know, Ryan. You'll be fine."

She licked her lips nervously and then cursed herself for getting her lips wet before she could color them with her lipstick pencil. She got her lips lined and her lipstick applied, followed by her gloss, sucked in a breath, and walked out.

His eyebrow shot up. "You're not wearing that, are you?"

She glanced down at her, well, _Dean's _Henley and rolled her eyes as she looked heavenward in exasperation. "No. I just wanted to put my makeup on first, dumbass."

"I thought you usually put your makeup on in just your bra," he shot back.

She grinned as she remembered the first time he'd accidentally walked in on her putting her makeup on. She had been wearing her bra and blue jeans and it had freaked him out. "Ha-fucking-ha. You were here and I didn't want you to flip your shit."

He chortled. "I appreciate that."

"But now you need to leave so I can get my dress on."

"You're wearing a dress? Wow. Special day indeed."

"Bite me, dickwad," she growled.

He smiled, but remained quiet.

She glared at him and he laughed. "Fine! I'm leaving. Get ready. I'll be waiting." He pressed a kiss to her hair and she rolled her eyes again as she shut the door behind him. She blew out a breath as she walked to the little closet where the even littler red dress was waiting with her black thigh-high leather boots. "Okay, Ryan, you can do this…"

She did it. She rocked the joint, singing the first and second sets with no problems. She walked offstage for a drink of water and to check her makeup. She had one last song to sing before the end of the show, and what she had planned was a doozy.

Sam had caught her eye as she sang the previous song and she saw Megaera watching both of them in turn. This was it. Tonight. Ryan knew it. The moon was in the right position. It was now or never. Tonight everyone was making their moves.

She knew Megaera had to be killed with the bone of a virgin dipped in an innocent woman's blood. Ryan wasn't sure what innocent meant, but she'd met up with a helpful nun, one who knew about the supernatural, and had grabbed a vial full of blood from her. Hopefully that would do the trick.

She sucked in a breath and looked at herself in the mirror. "You can do this, Ryan. One more night, then you're home." She felt like shit for what she was about to do. She only hoped Sam, God, and whoever else, would forgive her for it.

She walked out on stage to tumultuous applause. There were a lot of roughnecks there, a lot of men, but she wasn't afraid. She knew she had Sam there to protect her. She felt something then, that whole feeling again. She had been nervous before, but not now. Now she felt…good. Her eyes lit on Sam and she gave him a smile, which he returned with a wink. She cleared her throat nervously as the band began playing and she started to sing;

_**You don't know that I know you watch me every night  
And I just can't resist the urge to stand here in the light  
You're greedy eyes upon me and then I come undone  
And I could close the curtains but this too much fun**_

She smiled evilly. She loved this song. She closed her eyes, and for a brief moment, she imagined she was singing it for Dean…

_**I get off on you getting off on me  
I give you what you want but nothing is for free  
It's a give and take kinda life we make  
When your line is crossed I get off, I get off  
**_  
That raw emotion was flowing through her and she felt it, for the first time in forever, she felt longing. Damn, she was horny. And this song was not helping. When this was tied up, she was going to need some more alone time with her little purple vibrating friend, she could tell. Still, she continued to sing.

_**So much left unspoken between the two of us  
**__**It's so much more exciting to look when you can touch**__**  
You could say I am different and maybe I'm a freak  
But I know how to twist ya to bring you to your knees**_

She wished Dean was here. There were so many things unspoken she needed to say to him. She loved him so much. She just wanted him with her again. Was that too much to ask?

I get off on you getting off on me  
I give you what you want but nothing is for free  
It's a give and take kinda life we make  
When your line is crossed I get off, I get off

The song was coming to a close, soon. She would have to make her move. Was she strong enough to do it? To seal this deal and get the goddess to come after her? She looked at Sam and decided, yes, she had to.

_**What you don't know  
What you can't see  
Is what I do for you  
I do for me**_

_Suck it up, Fawcett, _she reminded herself. _It's just an act. Sam doesn't feel that way, you don't feel that way, it' s just to get the goddess to take the bait, right? Right. _

_**I get off on you getting off on me  
I give you what you want, yeah**_

She had just a few more seconds of the song, so she made it good, flipping her hair, putting on one hell of a show, and the catcalls kept coming as she sang the last chorus…

_**I get off on you getting off on me  
I give you what you want but nothing is for free  
It's a give and take, kinda life we make  
When your line is crossed I get off  
I get off, I get off, I get off**_

When she finished, she gave Sam one last glance, who nodded, before she tossed the mike to one of the backup singers, shot Sam an evil grin and jumped off the stage into his waiting arms. She didn't even wait for him to ask if she was sure, if she did, she would back out, and she couldn't, not with Megaera watching, so she placed a hand on each side of his head, and pulled his face down to hers, and their lips intermingled.

She could say a lot of things about Samuel Winchester. He was an excellent hunter. He was a phenomenal researcher. He was a terrific uncle, friend, brother, all that other crap was great, but the boy was one hell of a kisser. His whole body got into it. His hands moved over her just right, alighting her body in flames she hadn't realized she'd missed. His lips were petal soft and bruising as they attacked her own with a ferocity she had so often seen when they'd sparred on the gym mat or out in the field on a case. His height difference to her was greatly reduced thanks to the heels she was sporting, and that only allowed him more access to her body as those huge hands continued to peruse her form with a need that matched her own. It was bliss. She remembered all of that as her lips stung and they walked out of the bar holding hands, both of them quiet.

He helped her into her car and he slid behind the wheel. "Did it work?" he asked softly.

She glanced behind them and saw Megaera walking out to her sedan and she nodded. "I'm pretty sure it did."

"Now what?"

"Now we get ready to put on a show…"

They drove back to her room and walked inside. She quickly grabbed the bone and put it in his bag. "Okay, she's going to take me, you come find us. You know where, right?" They had found a place they were pretty sure was Megaera's hidden torture chamber.

"Yeah. Ryan…"

She smiled and touched his face. "Shut up, Sam. It'll be fine. Just come and bone her, okay?"

He shot her the bitchface and she giggled only a moment before the door was kicked in. She glanced over at the woman whose eyes were glowing red with rage. "Excuse you, private party," Ryan managed before the woman punched her in the face, knocking her out cold.

Ryan regained consciousness right where she thought she would, so that said something. At least she and Sam were on the right track. Unfortunately, she was already trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey, so that wouldn't help matters. She glanced over at the woman who was currently sharpening a knife on a strap of leather.

"Nice place you got here," Ryan stated.

"Shut it, whore."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Look, if the guy is yours, you can have him. Just…let me go, okay? No harm, no foul…"

"No. It is not him I have issues with. It is you, adulterous whore."

"You know, I really dislike being called a whore. You can call me a bitch all you want, I am one, after all, but 'whore'? Really?"

"What else would you like me to call you? A woman that cheats on her husband is just that; a whore. Whore, whore, whore."

Ryan smirked. "At least you have a sense of humor."

The woman came over and kicked her as she was lying on the floor and Ryan gasped out a breath as clearly the woman's rage was growing stronger and she continued kicking Ryan. She felt sure she was going to be black and blue and probably have a broken rib by the time Megaera finished. "You know, I thought you were really nice when you came into the bar. Clearly I was mistaken. You're an evil bitch, just like your sisters."

The woman stopped and glared at her. "How do you know about my sisters?"

Ryan wiggled until she was sitting up, panting as the pain shot through her. "I know everything about you, Megaera."

The woman hissed out a breath. "Hunters…you're a hunter."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"And the man with you? The one you're sleeping with?"

"I'm the man that's going to kill you," Sam said as he came up behind her and stabbed her with the bone.

She let out a shriek and fell to the ground.

Ryan blinked as Sam rushed to her and began untying her. "Is that it? Seems…too easy, doesn't it?"

He glanced around from where he was cutting her ropes behind her. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Ryan."

He got her untied and was about to help her up when he was tossed halfway across the room. Ryan's eyes grew wide as she saw the goddess pull the bone from her side. "Bone of a virgin. Yes. Blood of an innocent woman. Correct. Method of killing me? Clearly your lore didn't tell you. I can only be killed by a wrongfully accused woman. Sorry, the boy isn't it."

Ryan stood wearily and held up her fists. Her ribs were singing in pain, but she shook it off. "Okay, princess. You wanna play? Let's play."

They began fighting then, hand-to-hand as Ryan tried to make her way to the bone on the ground. She was falsely accused. If she could just reach it…

"It won't work. I've seen the two of you, the way he lusts after you. That can't be one-sided. You know, deep within your heart, you long for him, you pine for him as well…"

"No! I could never love him!" Ryan shouted as she parried a blow. "I only love one man. I'll go to my grave loving Dean Winchester. No one can possibly compare to him."

The woman's eyes widened as she blocked one of Ryan's hits. "You're in love with the King of Hell?"

Ryan grinned as she popped the woman in the face. Megaera's eyes narrowed as she wiped blood from her nose.

Ryan's eyebrow went up. "Wow. I didn't realize demigoddesses knew of him, but, yes. I am. I am his soul's mate. We may never be together, but that will never, _never _stop me from loving him!"

The woman cackled. "Fool. You think it is so easy to love only one person? You love the man over there as well. I can see it." She beat Ryan down to the ground and kicked her again.

"Of course I love him," Ryan wheezed. "But he's my brother. That's all. That's all it will ever be."

Megaera turned to walk toward Sam and Ryan took that opportunity to snag up the bone. "So then, you will not be saddened when I kill him?"

"You won't get the chance," Ryan whispered in her ear as she grabbed the woman in a choke hold before she rammed the bone through Megaera's back, right into the heart.

Megaera stiffened and turned to Ryan. "He is not your brother. And you have just hurt him beyond repair. I have broken you both," and with that, she fell to the ground, dead.

Ryan's brows furrowed as she looked at the dead woman, but all that paled when she glanced at Sam, who was looking at her with nothing but hurt and shame in his eyes. "Sam?"

"Is it true, Ryan? Seriously? You won't ever…"

"Sam…I don't know what you thought was going on here, but, no, I will never feel that way for anyone but Dean…"

"You can't…I thought…" He stood straight and nodded. "Fine. Let's get back to the motel."

"Sam…"

"Ryan…don't."

She bit her lip and followed behind him until they got to the car. They rode in stony silence until they arrived back at the room. He pulled out the bottle of whiskey and she nodded as she gathered her tee-shirt and yoga pants. She couldn't wait to get out of the dress and boots from earlier.

Once she was dressed and her face washed, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, she walked back out. "Sam…"

"It's a win, Ryan. Come sit down, celebrate."

She didn't know what to say to him, so she sat and drank. Then they drank some more. They finished one bottle and they stumbled to his room for another bottle. "You know," she said as she downed another drink, "I forgot how much fun it was to just get shitfaced drunk."

He let out a chuckle. "It does help life in general, doesn't it?"

She was quiet a moment as her thoughts swirled. "You know, Sam, about earlier…it's not you, it's me, you know that, right?"

He let out a snort. "God help me, don't hand me that line, Ryan."

"It's true, asshole!" she said on a giggle. She sank into the chair by the small table. "It's true. I'm broken. I've been broken for so damn long, I don't think gorilla glue and duct tape would work to patch me back together. A touch from an angel sure didn't fix me, not completely. You talked about being cursed, once upon a time, well, I'm pretty damn sure I am, too."

He poured her another generous dose of alcohol. "You know, you don't have to be cursed, Ryan, or, well, you don't have to be cursed alone."

She eyed him warily and had to blink because it looked like there was two of him. "What'cha mean, Sam?"

He was quiet, pensive, and appeared to be deep in thought. _Contemplative! That's the word I wanted! _She grinned. _Wow! I know big words when I'm drunk, _she thought, but then struggled to pay attention to him as he spoke; "I know, okay? I know I won't take his place. He's your soul mate. But, Ryan…what we could have…aren't you lonely? Don't you wish you had something more?"

This buzz was wearing off way too quick with his comments. She snagged the bottle from him and poured herself another glass. She stared into the amber liquid a moment before she downed it. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and sighed. "Of course I do. I'm a human being, Sam. I crave it sometimes, like, like I need a fix, but I can't have it."

He slammed his hand on the table, making her jump. "Of course you can. The prophecy is fulfilled. You _can _move on, you know. People go their whole lives without their soul mates. They find others that are just as good, people they can be happy with."

She couldn't fault his reasoning. "But I've tasted nirvana, Sam. And it's delicious." _Wait. That sounded weird, right? _She shook her head to try and clear it, but it wasn't working.

"But, maybe you would like the beach or the mountains. You don't have to have paradise or nothing at all. You can settle," he whispered.

"I don't wanna settle," she pouted as she poured, then downed another drink.

He snagged the bottle back from her, drinking straight from it. "Well, no one does, but sometimes, we're forced to."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "You think?"

"It could be worse, Ryan."

She didn't know what to say to that, so she went with her heart. "I do love you, Sam."

He stood and walked around the table. "I love you, too, Ryan." He held out a hand for her and she took it. He pulled her to her feet. "Tell me you didn't enjoy that kiss."

"You were there. You know I did," she admitted.

"We're so compatible, Ryan. We're like two pieces of the same puzzle."

"I know you didn't just misquote 'Twilight' to me."

He smiled that sweet Sam smile. "You're the one that read that into my comment, not me."

"I'm not a fucking lamb."

"I'm not a fucking lion."

"We're ridiculous."

He nodded. "Yeah. We are."

"This is crazy."

His face moved closer to hers. She felt his nose brush up the side of her cheek and she could feel those lips at her ear. "You say 'no' and we stop."

_This is wrong, _a voice in her head warned. "I'm not saying no," she breathed only moments before his lips descended to hers.

_You can't do this_, the voice said again.

She kissed him for all she was worth in an attempt to get the voice to shut up. It was screaming in her ear, but she couldn't…she needed this. Sam needed this. Wasn't that the pact she'd made with herself? Look after Sammy? Well, he needed this, right?

"God, Ryan," he moaned as his hands fisted in her hair.

"Sam…" she purred as her hands ghosted all over his body.

He pulled her shirt over her head and she did the same for him as he gripped her hips and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

_You can't do this…_

_Watch me…_

_You'll hate yourself in the morning. You'll hate him…_

_I don't care…_

"Fuck," she panted as his mouth descended to her neck. He pushed her against the wall and both her hands delved into his hair, long hair, not short. Lithe muscles instead of stocky ones, long legs that went on for miles instead of ones that bowed slightly…

_You're making a mistake._

_I just need to feel. _

_Not with him. Not like this. _

His tongue laved attention on her clavicle bone before his mouth descended to the crest of her breasts. "You're beautiful."

"You've seen me naked before," she panted as her fingernails scored his back. He grunted as his hips thrust into hers, their clothes the only things preventing him from being where she needed him.

"Not like this," he grunted.

_Stop. Now. Before it's too late. You've already ruined him, destroyed him, but if you stop now, at least you know you will have done the right thing. _

_I need him. I need this._

_No. You need Dean. And using his brother as a poor substitution only hurts you both, or all three. In the end, you know, you can't do this. _

"Stop," she said suddenly.

"Huh?" he moaned as his lips continued their sweet torture.

She blinked and suddenly she was stone cold sober. "Sam, stop. We can't…"

"Sure we can. It's fine, Ryan. We need this. God…I need this…"

"No. Stop, Sam. Now."

"Ryan…"

He wasn't letting up and she knew he was still drunk enough not to realize. So with a wince at what she was about to do, she maneuvered her feet to the ground from around his waist and kneed him in the groan.

"Fucking hell!" he shouted as he stumbled away from her. "What are you? A fucking shrew?"

"Sam, Sammy…this isn't you. It's the booze…"

"You're damn right, it's the booze, but that isn't all. I want you, Ryan. I'm in _love _with you! And I have been!"

She started shaking her head. "No…no, Sam…please…don't…"

"Don't what? Don't admit what you already know? Catch a clue, Ryan! I'm in love with you! You're pining after a ghost when I'm standing here right in front of you!"

Tears were rolling down her face. _No! Don't ruin this, Sam! Don't…don't make me choose the ghost or you. The ghost always wins. Dean always wins…_"I can't, Sam! I love him! If I do this, I'll be what Megaera said I was! I can't…I've done so many bad things in my life, I can't be a cheating whore, too!"

"So it's better to hurt my feelings? To ruin _me _rather than your precious Dean who doesn't give two shits about whether you live or die? You'd rather take the off chance you might score with a fucking _demon _rather than the best thing you've got on your plate? Me? I love you, Ryan! I love your kids. I love our life! I love everything about you! And you're throwing it away!"

She tried to breathe but she found it next to impossible. It didn't stop her, however, from shouting back at him. "I'm not your soul mate, Sam! I'm his!"

He stood there in silence before he threw up his hands. "I'm out. Forget it. I can't do this. I can't take this shit anymore, Ryan! You've picked your side, you've made your bed. Now you can fucking lie in it!" He snagged his shirt off the floor and walked out.

"Sam!" she shouted. She ran to the door to find him walking away from the motel. "Sam!"

He turned and looked at her. "Go fuck yourself, Ryan. You sure don't need me to do it for you."

She gasped out a sob as her hand came to her mouth. She watched him walk away before she slowly shut the door, sank to the floor, and sobbed.

She wasn't sure how she managed to pack up their gear, quit her job, and get back on the road, but she did. He was gone. Vanished. Poof. Like smoke. He had, apparently, walked back to the bar and retrieved his motorcycle. He didn't take any of his clothes, and the only weapons she knew he had on him was the demon knife and his gun. She could only hope he was okay. Text after text she sent went unanswered and finally, before she left, she called Castiel to her. She explained a little bit of what had gone down, and he promised to find Sam and get back with her. She hated using the angel in such a way, but she couldn't help it. She had to make sure he wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere.

Cas came back and told her Sam was fine, but he didn't want to talk to her. She sighed and hated to admit, she cried on Castiel's shoulder. She screwed up. She was so blind. She had no idea Sam was in love with her. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have ruined one of the greatest things in her life?

She sighed as she looked out the window. She had driven home in more pain than just the busted ribs and black eye. Honestly, she hadn't even cared about them at the time, not enough for Cas to heal her. All that mattered was Sam was safe. She needed the pain. It was her penance.

She heard Bobby running down the hall and she plastered on a smile as she turned. "Mama? Where's Uncle Sammy?"

Her smile died and she winced as she knelt in front of the little boy. "Uncle Sam needed some time to himself for a while."

The little boy's big, expressive eyes filled with tears. "Is it ucuz I put the lizard in his soupcase? I didn't think he'd get mad enough to leave! I's sorry!"

Ryan bit her lip so she wouldn't laugh at the concern on the little boy's face, but her mirth fled as she shook her head. "No, baby, Uncle Sam didn't leave because of the lizard. Honestly, he didn't even tell me about it. He just…he needed some space, some…time away from me."

"Did you and Uncle Sam have a fight?"

She nodded softly. "Something like that."

"You's got the bad guy, right?"

"Girl. Yeah, she was bad. We got her. Sam tried to kill her, but it ended up I had to do it."

"That's ucuz you're a hero, Mama!" Bobby gushed.

She smiled gently. "Some days, I don't feel like it, kiddo."

"You are, Mama. You're the best hero." He hugged her gently and when she winced again, he pulled back. "You's got hurt?"

"Just a little," she whispered as she was overcome with emotions. Bobby was just as sweet and loving as Hope had been as a baby. All her kids were.

"Cans I help?"

"Bobby…" she began, but he laid his hand on her and she noticed it glowed white and suddenly she felt better. She gasped as the sensation of pain left her. She grabbed the boy's hand gently, but the light had already gone out.

He smiled at her. "See? All betters."

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at her child. He looked more like her with each passing day and his eyes had turned slightly, from the hazel that looked like Sam's, to a cross between hazel and brown, almost the color Gabriel's vessel had when she met him. "Gabriel? You're really in there, aren't you? And you're starting to shine through already."

The little boy just smiled at her. "Can I have a snack, Mama? I'm hungry."

She smiled and nodded. "Sure, buddy boy. What would you like?"

"A Fudge Round?"

She smirked as she grabbed the box of Little Debbie snacks. "Sure, little man. Why not?"

* * *

**June Sixth**

Ryan was just getting Jon and Bobby to sleep when she heard the doorbell. When Bobby tried to get out of bed, Ryan sent him a glare. "Nope. Bedtime. Both of you. I've read three stories, sang five songs, and have run out of patience. Enough is enough. Goodnight. I love you two." She bent to kiss Bobby's head. "Goodnight, my little monster." It was her nickname for him. She went to Jon's bed and kissed him as well. "And goodnight, my little prince." She wasn't sure when she'd started calling him that, but he was, technically, the prince of Hell, one day to be the crowned king. So, she guessed it was fitting.

She closed the door and sighed as the doorbell rang again. She held the gun to it as she opened it and gasped. "Andy?"

Andrea Blackwell smiled at her sadly. "Uh…hey."

Ryan shoved the gun back in her waistband and grabbed her friend, throwing her arms around her. "My God, girl! Where have you been?!"

Andy hugged her back for all she was worth, it seemed, and was smiling when Ryan pulled away. "I, uh, well, I just…I'm an idiot, okay? So, you're living with Sam Winchester. What's the big deal, right?"

Ryan swallowed hard and a sob bubbled up to the surface. Andy hugged her again and she felt herself being led toward the couch. "Hey, Ryan? What's going on? Did he break your heart? Because if so, I'll go hunt him down and beat his ass, even if he does have a hundred pounds and at least a foot on me."

Ryan let out a hysterical bubble of laughter and shook her head. "No…it wasn't him who did the heartbreaking."

Andrea blinked. "Did you break up with him?"

Ryan shook her head. "No. I didn't. I need, damn, Andy, I need to come clean. About everything. Then you need to tell me why you're here…"

And so, for the next two hours, Ryan told Andy everything. She finished with a stuttering breath. "And now, you're all caught up."

Andy's brows were knit. "Wow. I just…wow. I mean…damn, Ryan. Seriously?"

"I know you're probably mad…"

Andrea rolled her eyes. "Maybe once upon a time, but not anymore. I'm not mad, Ryan. Hell, you had a good reason. You had to protect the kids. But…holy shit, Ryan! Three kids! Heavenly prophecies! Hell prophecies! I just…damn. And you're not even shacking up with him for fun!"

Ryan laughed as tears still poured down her face. "It's not funny, but it is." She wiped her face and blew her nose. "I just…I fucked up, Andy."

Andy shrugged and sat up from where she had been reclining against the arm of the couch. "It seems to me if he can't take 'no' for an answer, it's his problem, not yours."

"But…I feel like such a cock tease with this whole thing."

Andy grabbed her hands. "Ryan. You never, not once, made any sign you were into him that way. It's his deal. He ran away with his tail tucked between his legs. When he mans up, realizes he's the one who fucked up, he'll come back. And when he does, you can kick his ass and move on."

"Do you think he'll come back?"

"He loves you. Now, listen," she began as Ryan tried to interrupt her, "He loves you as a sister, too. I mean, you're awesome and all that, but eventually he'll realize he can't live without you. He's alone out there. He ran away from everyone, not just you. He's gonna miss those kids. He's gonna miss what you have. And then, when he does, he'll come back. Trust me on this."

Ryan sighed and sat back, her head falling onto the back of the couch. "Men are such douchebags. Life was easier without them."

Andy chuckled. "Too true."

Ryan lifted her head and looked at her friend. "What happened to you? I mean, I realize why you got mad at me, and I get it. You have your reasons for not liking Sam Winchester, but…"

Andy winced. "Yeah, well, see, here's the thing…I had some issues, myself. I got hurt on a job and I wanted you to come help me and when you didn't, or couldn't, I just…I got pissed. And then, all the demons started disappearing, and you know I'm not that into hunting monsters, not like Tory is, by the way, can you believe she's hooking up with an angel? She's definitely a bad influence on the guy, don't you think? Anyway, when the demons all but disappeared, I decided to go straight. I've been teaching for the past two years."

"Andy, that's great!"

Andy nodded and smiled glumly. "Well, it's okay, but I missed you, I missed Tory. So, I called Tory, she told me where she was. I went to the bunker, which is epic, by the way, and then she told me I needed to tuck my own tail and come apologize, said you'd tell me the truth and you did…"

Ryan hugged her friend again. "Want to eat some ice cream, watch a cheesy B-horror movie and then have a sleepover?"

Andy grinned. "Only if you call Tory and that new girl, Charlie, to join us."

Ryan smiled. "Deal."

* * *

**July Fourth**

Ryan was eyeing the cake with trepidation. She had iced the thing with black, dark chocolate icing on the sides, topped it in white chocolate icing colored yellow, and now was trying to draw the black Batman logo on the yellow icing. She had managed to find an oval cake pan so it looked like the older emblem and now she just had to put the finishing touches on the chocolate-on-chocolate behemoth.

She heard a whine from the floor and glanced at the dogs. That had been a surprise. She hadn't _intended _to get a dog, let alone two, but the boys were so sad without Sam there, so, she had found herself driving to the humane society one Saturday morning with two excited little boys in tow. They perused the cages until Bobby's eyes had lit on a gorgeous German Sheppard named Rocky. He had been a stoic sort of guy and for some reason, Ryan liked him immediately. They had brought him home and the boys had loved him immediately, and, Ryan hated to admit it, she had too. However, it was soon evident the dog was unhappy. He was listless and just didn't seem to be doing well. She took him to the vet and everything was fine, he was a healthy, three year old specimen. She didn't know what to do other than offer him all the love she had.

It was a few days after, she was inputting Inuit spells into the database she came up on the spell. The one that allowed her to talk to animals. It was crazy, but she couldn't help herself. She mixed up the potion and drank it down in one gag-inducing shot. What he had to say had surprised her. He was thoroughly happy with being with them, but he was lonely. He'd had a brother and they had been separated after almost all of their lives when their owners moved and couldn't take the dogs. The brother had been adopted immediately, but Rocky had been left to rot for months in that cage.

Ryan hadn't hesitated. She had taken him then and there back to the shelter and had him pick out a friend. What he chose was a gangly Afghan Hound cross-breed who was all smiles and lolling tongue and half-crazy. He didn't have a name, so, she let Bobby choose his name. The two dogs were working out splendidly for them all and had enriched her life more than she cared to admit. The two dogs also slept in her room, curled up at the foot of her bed, most of the time.

She heard the whine again and she rolled her eyes. "You two know you can't eat chocolate."

The whines intensified and she grinned as she said, "Okay," and went to the cookie jar to toss them both a Milkbone. They ate their snacks quickly and happily before resuming their positions at her feet.

She glanced back at the chocolate monstrosity she was currently icing and smiled as she thought of her son. Six years old. Bobby was growing up and his angel's grace was growing every day. Castiel was amazed by how much angel the kid had in him. Of course, Gabriel was an archangel, one of the most powerful beings in existence. Naturally, his grace would mature more rapidly than Hope's.

At two and a half, Jon, too, was more advanced than your average human. It seemed as though he saw everything Bobby did and wanted to emulate his older brother. She could easily see the hero worship on her youngest son's face. She had no doubts the two of them would be just as close, if not closer, than Dean and Sam were as boys and she was glad for that. She hated there was such a gap in the ages of Hope and Bobby, but perhaps that was for the best. Purgatory was Hell-Adjacent, so the boys could see quite a bit of each other even in the future. If Hope _did _go upstairs, then she would be the outsider in her own family, though, she could go visiting as often as she wished. It was something to worry about another day, not right now.

She had her tongue between her teeth as she drew the outline of the bat before she filled it with chocolate ganache. Her boy certainly did love some chocolate. He was Gabriel, most definitely. Half the time, she found herself calling him Loki or Gabriel, especially when she was frustrated with him. He was called "Robert Gabriel" with an irritated tone more often than not. He was a handful, but he was so sweet and loving, it was impossible to stay mad at him. However, even with the Winchester pout and the Gabriel sweet mischief in his eyes, she had to be firm with him. She couldn't let him brat out. He had to learn how to be a human, too. Often, she reminded him about the younger boy that looked up to him, and even at six, he was old enough to grasp the fact that Jon had something in him that wasn't angelic. And he realized he needed to nurture his younger brother to do good, not bad. It was interesting, raising them. And it had been lonely, without Sam. She could admit that to herself.

She sighed as "Californication" went off and "Scar Tissue" started. She was in the mood for The Red Hot Chili Peppers today.

_**With the birds I'll share**_

_**With the birds I'll share**_

_**This lonely view**_

_**With the birds I'll share**_

_**This lonely view**_

"You know, that song is straight up morose," he said as he walked into the kitchen.

She turned abruptly and looked into the sheepish face of Sam Winchester. Two growls formed as the dogs crowded her. She put a hand on each of their heads. Her eyes narrowed. "Nice of you to come home, Sam."

He winced as he took a step towards her. "I'm sorry…I…"

The growls intensified and she said, "Easy, fellas. He's friendly." She crossed her arms, and waited.

"You got dogs," he began.

"The boys missed you," she stated sharply, earning a wince from him. "I figured a dog could help ease the sadness. Once we got one, it was evident he needed a furry sibling."

"They're cute."

"They're a handful. Much like their human counterparts."

"Bobby and Jon?"

She sighed. "No." She had noticed the two dogs bore a striking resemblance to the two older Winchester brothers. Rocky reminded her of Dean, oddly enough, which was partly why she had chosen him. She couldn't place why he reminded her of Dean, but he did. She supposed it was how he often acted stoic, but occasionally he would act goofy, especially with the boys or his doggie adoptive brother. The other one, however, reminded her so much of Sam. Happy Sam, in any case.

Sam glanced at the two dogs with furrowed brows. His gaze lit to hers and he sighed. "I, uh, I couldn't miss Bobby's birthday."

She licked her lips and then bit her lower one so she wouldn't comment.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He looked tired. He needed a haircut, he was sporting a full beard, and he had a black eye.

"Have trouble on the hunt?" She knew he had been hunting. She'd had Tory and Charlie, as well as Cas, keeping an eye on him. She had known his every move. He'd been traveling the east coast for the past month. Last she'd heard, he was in Maine, handling an Okami that apparently had decided it wanted to expand its hunting ground from Japan, where it usually lived.

He shrugged. "She was wiry."

Ryan smiled despite herself and he grinned, too. "Look, I, uh…I'm an idiot, okay? I messed up and I broke us and I'm sorry."

She sighed as she leaned against the counter. "I'm sorry, too, Sam. I wish…" she sucked in a breath. "Do you know how easy it would be to fall in love with you? You're perfect." He scoffed, but she smiled. "You and your brother, neither of you see your true worth. You aren't a perfect person, but you're perfect _for _someone. You're the whole package, Sam. You love, unconditionally. You're smart. You're funny. You're kind. You're all these awesome things. And if it wasn't for Dean…" She cleared her throat. "I can't love anyone but him. If I could, it would be you, I swear it. That doesn't make it easier. In fact, that makes it harder, I'm sure, but there it is. Maybe…maybe we did this wrong, but I can't regret what we have here."

"I don't regret it," he stated softly. "Ryan…I know, okay? You made no bones about the fact he was it for you. I just…I thought, maybe…" he blew out a breath. "I thought maybe you could get past him, but you can't, can you?"

She shook her head and one of her curls came loose from the twist she had her hair in. She blew it out of her face. "I'm ruined, Sam. I'm broken. I have been, for my whole life. I was remade, yes, but not enough to be whole for you. I can't. I'm sorry."

He walked to her. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he opened his arms. She took one step and was in them. He kissed her hair as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He was too thin. He'd lost weight while out on the road, she noticed. "I'm so sorry, Ryan. I do love you, but I realize…it's not…maybe it wasn't what I thought it was."

She looked up at him and smiled sadly. "Don't do that ever again. You can't just leave, Sam. The boys…" He winced and she nodded. "Bobby thought he did something. Something about a lizard?"

Sam smiled at that, but he nodded. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

"I understand what our problem was, Sam. I get that you had issues with me. But you're the closest thing to a father these boys have. They need you and you weren't here. You can't run away. Not anymore."

He sucked in a haggard breath. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I could slap your face right now," she seethed as she thought about how hurt her boys were. How they asked for him, every day, asking when Uncle Sammy was coming home. "You hurt them, Sam," she managed, though even she could hear the tears in her voice.

"I know, Ryan!" he growled as he stepped away and ran a hand through his hair. "I know. And I missed them. I missed _you _but I had to get my head on straight."

"You have a responsibility to them now, Sam. Whatever issues the two of us have, it pales in comparison to those boys. Swear it to me; you won't run away again."

Her brown eyes met his hazel ones and she saw fire in them. "I swear it, Ryan. I won't run away again."

"You'd better mean it."

"What do you want? You want a contract in blood?" he asked in exasperation.

Her lips twitched. "Not a bad idea."

They stared at one another a moment before they both laughed. "I missed you," she breathed as she put a hand on his arm.

His hand closed over hers. "I missed you, too."

Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she growled, "Damn it, Bullwinkle! Get down from the counter! If you eat that cake, I swear, I'll make you sleep outside for a month!"

Sam's brows furrowed as the dog jumped down from the counter to lie back down next to Rocky. "You…named the dog 'Bullwinkle'?"

She shrugged. "Bobby named him."

"And the other dog's name is Rocky?"

She nodded. "He came with it."

"You mean…you named your dogs Moose and Squirrel?"

She looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, I guess. So…?"

He laughed. "I'm guessing the long-haired one reminds you of me?"

She smirked. "Yeah, well, like I said, I didn't pick the names. But they're kind of appropriate, you know?"

Sam eyed the dog. "His hair is a little long."

She pulled on a hank of Sam's hair. "His isn't the only one. Do they not have barbers on the east coast?"

"Ha, ha, ha, Ryan."

She smiled once more. It was so damn good to have him home.

"Yo! Ryan! Where you want the balloons?" she heard from the entryway.

She felt the blood drain from her face. "Shit! Andy!"

"Andy?" Sam managed as he turned.

Ryan gasped as Andy walked in. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion as Sam's face changed from passive to nothing but rage as he caught sight of Andy and before Ryan could react, he had Andy by the throat, bent over the kitchen table with the demon knife pressed against her chest.

"Sam!" Ryan shouted as she tugged at his arm.

"No Unca Sam!" she heard from the door and to her surprise, Bobby and Jon were both standing there with their hands out. She watched in fascination as the two used their powers in sync. Bobby snatched the knife out of the air as it flew toward him and Jon's powers pushed Sam away from Andy bodily.

Ryan blinked and grinned. "Great teamwork, boys!"

The two little boys smiled at her and Bobby handed her the knife, which she stuck in the back of her belt as she looked over to Andy. "You okay, And?"

Andrea rubbed her neck gingerly. "I'll live." She smirked at Sam, who was still being held, now back against the island. "I'm guessing you're Sam Winchester?"

"Ruby?" he managed.

Andy sighed and shook her head. "Nope. Guess again."

"Andy," Ryan admonished as she put her hand on Jon's shoulder. "Let him go, Jon."

Jon's little hand dropped and Sam slacked as the power lifted from him. "He can do that already?"

Ryan smiled as she picked up the now tired looking little boy and snuggled him to her. "We've been practicing. He's hella powerful."

"So I see. When did that develop?"

"Couple of weeks ago."

Sam eyed Andrea with apprehension and Ryan sighed. "Sam, this is my friend, Andy. Andrea Blackwell."

"The one you had the falling out with?"

Andy winced and nodded. "Yeah, see, about that…"

"Andy is, obviously, Ruby 2.0's meatsuit's twin."

"No shit," Sam muttered.

Ryan rolled her eyes as she passed Jon to Andy. "Will you put him down for a nap? His powers drain him, you know."

Andy smiled at the little boy who was sucking his thumb, all but asleep already. "Sure. Come on, Bobby, let's go put your brother down, then I'll put on a movie for you. I think us grown ups need to talk."

Bobby's eyes were wide. "I think so, too," he said, his voice full of awe and confusion.

Ryan watched the three of them leave the kitchen before she turned back to Sam, who was looking particularly bitchy. "What the hell, Ryan?"

She shrugged. "Andy's twin sister, Ariel, was the coma patient Ruby took over the last time."

"I need a drink," Sam growled as he walked to the cabinet they kept the booze in.

She watched him pour himself a drink and she blew out a breath. "Sam…"

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. I knew forever. She came to me, when we were living in Phoenix, when Hope was just a little thing."

"And you never felt the urge to tell me?"

She shrugged as she walked back to finish decorating the cake. The party was later in the day. She had to get this done. "What did you want me to say? When would it have even come up in conversation? I know how you and Dean both felt about Ruby. It's a sore subject. And then, when she got mad at me for shacking up with you, well, it wasn't important. She was out of my life."

"Obviously not," he stated sourly as he filled his glass again.

Ryan pursed her lips. "Look, Sam, you can get over it or not. Andy's been my friend longer than you have."

"But she's not as close to you as I am!" he all but shouted.

She narrowed her eyes. "Do _not _make this a pissing contest, Sam. I lied to Andy for a long ass time about everything. I've never lied to you and I didn't lie about this. She's _not _Ruby. She's not a demon."

"Nope, one hundred percent human. Want me to prove it to you?" Andy questioned from where she was now leaning against the doorjamb. She walked over to Sam and reached into his coat pocket for his flask. She took a generous swig of the holy water. "See?"

She sat the flask down onto the countertop, then walked over to Ryan and pulled the demon blade out of Ryan's belt. She sliced a nice, long cut into her arm before she walked back to Sam, showing it to him. "Demon free, thank you very much." Her mouth moved into a half smirk as she held her arm closer to him. "Want to taste, just to be sure?"

"Andy!" Ryan exclaimed.

Sam glared at her. "No thanks. I'm good."

Andrea smiled and handed him back the knife before she grabbed a paper towel to cover the cut on her arm. "So, I'm human. Suck it up and deal with it."

Ryan smirked, but kept her head down to finish the bat outline.

"You…you're…" Sam seemed at a loss for words.

Andy chuckled. "I thought you said he was smart, Ryan."

Ryan glanced at her friend and then at Sam. Her brows knit for a moment before she realized, Andy was trying to flirt with Sam. _What the hell_?

Sam, meanwhile, still looked flabbergasted and more than a little flustered. "So…you're just…just a human? Like me?"

Andy chuckled as she leaned against the cabinets. "Well, I'm not sure I'm _just _like you, but, yeah, human. No powers. Plain Jane all the way."

"You torture demons for fun," Ryan shot back at her.

Andy shrugged and stuck her finger in the bowl of leftover icing. She stuck her finger in her mouth and moaned lightly. "Damn, Ryan. You missed your calling." She turned back to Sam, who Ryan noticed was watching Andy's every move with…she wouldn't call it desire, but it was definite interest. "I _used_ to torture demons for fun. Now I teach."

"Teach…what?" Sam asked.

"Seventh Grade. Trust me, they're worse than demons half the time."

"Wait, what?"

Ryan chuckled as she finished the design and moved to mix up the ingredients for the ganache. "Andy is a teacher, Sam. She went to school for it, then, she got interested in hunting. Demons were her specialty. When Dean boarded up Hell, her job kinda went kaput. She went back to teaching full time."

"But now, I'm going to be sticking around and teach the two littlest monsters."

Sam's brows knit. "Huh?"

Ryan laughed out loud at Sam's confusion. "She's going to teach Bobby and Jon full time. With Bobby's powers developing like they are, and Jon's being as strong as he is, I don't think formal education is the right path for them. Andy's going to tutor them full time."

"You're shitting me."

Ryan shook her head. "Shit you not, Sam."

"I need to sit down…"

"Looks like you need to sit down before you fall down," Andy mused. "You look like shit." She gestured a finger up and down at him. "I'm guessing that's not what you usually look like?"

"Uh, no. I…I've been hunting," he managed.

"Find anything interesting?" Andy asked as she plopped up on the countertop.

"Okami."

"Cool. I've read about those. Did you go to Japan?"

Sam shook his head. "No, Maine."

"Interesting…weirdest thing I hunted was that arachne with Ryan and Tory, right?"

Ryan wrinkled her nose. "How could I forget? Ugh. Gave me the willies. You know I hate spiders."

Andy laughed. "Yeah, I remember."

Ryan watched Sam out of the corner of her eye as he watched Ryan and Andy's interactions. "You guys are friends. Like, really friends," he stated.

"Duh, Sam," Ryan told him with a grin. She glanced at him. "Listen, the party isn't for another few hours. Go shower. Shave. Let me cut your hair…"

He ran his hands through it. "Yeah, it's gotten long…"

"Two months of me not having my clippers in it? Yeah, it has. Go. Rest. I'll come wake you in a few hours."

He eyed Andy with unease and she sighed. "I'm _not _that bitch demon, Sam. I love Ryan. She's one of my best friends. I'm human. I proved that. I won't come in and murder you in your sleep."

"Why not?" he wondered softly. "After all, I killed her."

Andy thought a moment and shook her head. "Technically, Dean killed her, right?" At Sam's look, she smirked. "Ryan's filled me in. I'm pissed because you and Ruby abused my poor sister's dead body, but her soul wasn't there. It was an empty vessel. I guess I've got to let it go sometime."

Sam stood wearily. "For what it's worth, if I could take back all of that shit, I would."

Andy shrugged. "And for what it's worth, I wish I had been a better sister. She wouldn't have been a vegetable for Ruby to take if I had been there for her. We've all got shit in our pasts, Sam. Now we become grown ups and move past it."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll…I'll go rest, shower, and see you both in a few hours."

The two women watched him walk away and Andy let out a low whistle. "Damn. He's just like one of your dogs…cute, but dangerous with a capital DANG, girl!" she intoned as she slapped Ryan's arm. "Sam Winchester? More like _Damn Winchester _because he is damn fine! You could have told me Sam was a fucking babe, Ryan."

Ryan looked at her friend in surprise before she burst out in laughter.

* * *

**AN2: So...who saw the whole Andy/Sam thing coming a mile away? I shocked my prereaders. LOL. I can't help it. I love Gen and Jared and I love their chemestry and I just couldn't help myself. Hopefully everyone else is good with it. So, I flaked updating last week. I'll try to post another one this weekend for ya'll. If not, I'll definitely post one for Christmas. Love ya'll! **


	23. I Won't Back Down

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its original characters. But thankfully, I can take them out of their boxes and play with them on occasion.**

**AN: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE! So, I don't know what holiday you celebrate, but I celebrate Christmas, so, I thought I'd post the next chapter as my gift to you. We're three chapters away from Dean's arrival, but not to worry! There is still a TON of story after he shows up! So for those of you thinking it's almost to the end, good or bad, it's not. LOL. Love to you all! **

* * *

**Hope POV**

**November Eighth**

Hope put her chin in her hand and sighed as her hand began doodling. She was staring off into space when Krissy snapped her fingers in front of her face. Hope blinked and looked up. "What?"

Kris shot her a glare as she looked down at the drawing. "Girl, you've got it bad."

Hope narrowed her eyes at the drawing and with a sneer, wadded it up, tossing it into the trashcan. "Shut up."

Kris sighed. "Look, Hope…"

"Don't," Hope managed with as little pain in her voice as she could. It didn't matter, anyway.

Kris sighed again. "Come on, Hope. Don't be like this. Be a fucking Winchester for crying out loud! Go out and…"

"And what?" Hope cried. "Be like _him_? Like Ben? No. I don't think so." She laughed sardonically. "Besides, in case you haven't noticed, I'm still only thirteen."

"Fourteen tomorrow," Krissy reminded her gently. "And you're an angel. You've been an adult for years, Hope, ever since the angel in you started coming to the surface. You look like an adult, you act like an adult, it's just your vessel is a little young still."

"It doesn't matter. He doesn't see it," she stated softly. "He won't see it."

Krissy's mouth set. "Well, he may be right, Hope. I mean…really? Come on. _Him _of all people?"

Hope's eyes narrowed in irritation. "Why? Do you want him? Is that what this is about?"

Kris rolled her eyes and sank into the chair next to her. They were alone in the bunker for once having just come back from a hunt. Ben and Jesse were trying to finish up a case to make it home in time for her birthday, but Ben had called her earlier in the day and said they wouldn't make it. "Look, Hope, come on. Jesse's a _demon _and you're an _angel_. What part of this would work? Forget the fact he's, like, ten years older than you…"

"Seven," Hope interjected.

Krissy rolled her eyes again. "Seven, fine, but Hope…I mean…"

"What, Krissy? What? Can't I love who I want?" She let out a flat laugh. "Besides, I'm millennia older than him anyway if we're talking ages! For crying out loud, his soul is only twenty-one years old!"

"And you don't even _have _a soul, Hope," Kris shot back. When Hope didn't reply, Krissy tried another tack. "Look; I get it, okay? You're young. You think you're in love. You think…"

"Oh, do _not _patronize me right now, Kristina Lynn Chambers! I'm so over being patronized by every fucking person I meet!" She stood abruptly and began to pace, a trait she picked up from her mother. "I know it's stupid. I know it's unreasonable. I _know _he doesn't feel the same way! It doesn't mean I don't feel it! Shit!" She ran her hand through her long curls and sighed. "I wish I didn't feel like this! I wish I was just your basic angel! I wish…" she bit her lip as a tear fell down her cheek. "I wish I didn't feel a damn thing, okay?" she finished on a whisper. "But I do. I feel it. I _love _him, Kris. I love Jesse. And it looks like it doesn't matter."

"Maybe…maybe he's just not it for you, Hope," Kris implored. "I mean, go out there and be a Winchester. Doesn't that me going out, getting drunk, screwing anything with a pulse? Who's to say you're even compatible with him? Maybe you two wouldn't work out anyway. An angel and a demon? Pfft, please. Come on. It's crazy, right?"

"Or maybe it's not," Hope told her. "Maybe, in the grand scheme, I'm supposed to love him."

"This grand scheme…it's such bullshit. Whatever happened to all that shit your dad and uncle fought for? Free will, right? Well, if it's so free, then why are you so damn worried about the grand fucking scheme? Maybe you don't need to worry about it. Maybe it will all work out like it's supposed to. But until then, you can't spend your life pining away for the asshole. You've got to get out there, damn it!"

Hope's eyes narrowed as she surveyed her friend. It sounded like the tone of Krissy's voice had changed from the discussion being about Hope, to being about her. It wasn't the first time Hope had wondered if maybe Kris had a thing for Ben, but until she had proof, she would just have to wait and see if things developed.

Hope sighed and sat back down. "I just wish…" she shook her head. "No, you're right, right? I mean…I've got my own life to live. I've got a few years before my angel mojo kicks in full time, then, I've got a lifetime of other shit to deal with. I need to focus on the here, the now, right?"

Kris nodded. "Yeah, exactly."

Hope stood. "Come on. Let's go on back home. Mom's probably starting to cook for the party. You know it always makes me feel better to be in the kitchen, cooking."

Kris smiled and stood as well, but she put an arm on her friend's shoulder. "Look, Hope, I know this doesn't change anything. You love him. That's…that's great. Just…don't let it ruin what relationship the two of you already have. It almost broke Sam and Ryan. Don't let it break you, too."

Hope sucked in a breath as Kris walked away to gather her gear. She couldn't forget the hurt on Sam or her mom's face a few months ago, not even if she tried. She hadn't known it was love she kept seeing in her uncle's eyes when he looked at her mom. If she had, she would have…well, she wasn't sure what she would have done, but she would have done something.

But she could fix it. She'd been watching Sam and Andrea for quite some time now. How they skirted each other, how they tried and failed not to flirt. Sam was having issues because Andrea looked so much like Ruby, but she couldn't act different if she tried. Well, maybe that wasn't true. Apparently Ruby was as kick ass awesome in attitude as Andy was, so maybe that was just Sam's 'type'. But she knew Andy was a good person. She had been her aunt for almost ten years by being her mother's close friend. And Hope had an idea. She smiled. "Wait, Kris. Hang on."

Krissy, who had been walking toward the stairs, stopped. "What?"

"I've got an idea."

Krissy eyed her. "Uh-oh. That's mischief in those pretty brown peepers, Hope."

Hope winked at her and bowed her head.

That night, the party was in full swing. It was a small group; Tory and Castiel were both there for Hope's birthday, Charlie was there, and Jody had come down as well. Hope ran to hug Jody's neck. Jody had been quite busy with normal sheriff business for a while now and though she didn't want to, she had been elected as Mayor of one of the small towns she presided over as sheriff outside of Sioux Falls. It had been quite a change for her, but a good change. Ann had moved out and in a surprise to almost everyone, had moved in with Bo, the man who had bought the restaurant from Ryan. They were happily expecting their first child sometime in the spring and Jody was over the moon about having a grandchild.

The doorbell rang and Hope grinned as her mother ran to answer it. "Hello," she stated uncertainly at the attractive older woman standing before her.

"Mom," Hope began as she came forward, "This is my friend, Alexis."

"Your friend…" but then Ryan was almost lifted off her feet in a surprisingly strong grip as Alexis hugged her.

"I'm so glad to meet you, Ryan! Oh, you're so pretty! You grew up absolutely stunning!"

Ryan blinked. "I'm sorry…?"

Hope smiled. "This is the cupid that got you. I met up with her a little while ago. She was shooting one of my witnesses."

"Did you know? They're getting married next Tuesday! I'm going. Do you think I should wear red, or pink? I was thinking pink, but I love red…"

Hope giggled and took Alexis' hand. "Come on in and meet everyone…" She saw Castiel side-eye her and she winked. She knew what she was doing. Hopefully.

"Are you sure about this?" Alexis asked under her breath.

Hope nodded. "Definitely. This needs to happen."

"You know, this isn't how I work."

"Did you look them up?"

Alexis nodded. "You were right. But there was a stop order put on their marking due to…"

Hope nodded. "I know why. I don't need to go up to read the ledger books on why it was stopped. Well, I'm reissuing the order."

"Hope, I don't think…"

Hope's eyes flared angel blue. "You really want to defy this order, Lexi?"

The other angel sighed. "You know, I realize you're quite powerful, Hope. And I also realize you're part of the prophecy. Everyone in Heaven does. But this isn't the way…"

Hope grinned. "Didn't you hear? I'm a Winchester first, an angel second this time around. I do things my way."

"Your way is going to get you in trouble if you aren't careful."

Hope narrowed her eyes at the angel and crossed her arms. "I don't like threats."

Alexis looked alarmed. "No! No threats, I swear it! I was merely stating…"

Hope laid a hand on the other angel's arm. "I appreciate your concern. I am quite aware of my position, and I am attempting…caution in my endeavors."

Alexis sighed. "Very well. I will do you this one favor, Hope, and then we are square. I wish never to be used this way again."

Hope inclined her head. "I appreciate your coming, Alexis."

Alexis squared her shoulders. "Alright, let me do my thing."

Hope watched with a smile on her face. Yes. This was perfect.

It was closing in on midnight when the party finally began to die down. Ryan had gotten the little boys to bed and then the adults had sat and enjoyed talking and playing card games. Hope had snuck a beer from the fridge and Sam had caught her, but he had just shook his head and held a finger up to his mouth before walking away. She didn't particularly like the taste, but she enjoyed being a grown up for a few minutes, anyway. It wasn't the first time she had tasted alcohol. She had a fake I.D. that said she was twenty one. And she looked it, so she'd had no trouble getting booze if she wanted it.

She was alone in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of something stronger when the clock struck twelve and she gasped as pain radiated through her.

"Hope?" Kris asked as she came into the room. "Hope! Ryan!" she called as Hope doubled over in pain.

"Hope? Sweetie?" she heard Ryan call but Hope shook her head and ran out into the back yard. "Hope?!"

"Stay back!" she managed as she felt it…something shifted inside her. It was coming. It was hitting her…

"Close your eyes!" she heard Castiel shout and suddenly all she felt was white hot pain as her wings flared behind her and her grace flourished in wave after wave. She collapsed in exhaustion in a heap on the dead grass and she felt Castiel's grace brush her own.

"Come, up you get," he ordered softly.

She flexed her shoulders and her wings fluttered and suddenly, she wasn't in her backyard anymore, she was…in…Canada? Vancouver? What was she doing here?

"Hope," she heard behind her. She turned to see Castiel standing there. He smiled. "It seems as though you've matured to a full angel now."

She reached behind her to touch her platinum colored wings. "What does that mean? Do I have to…?"

He shook his head. "Your vessel is still young. If you choose, you can stay here, on Earth for a bit longer."

"Please? I want to."

He bowed his head. "Of course. You may stay and be a hunter if you wish, for a time, at least. Your brothers are not yet old enough to take their places, so, you may stay here a while yet."

"Thank you, Castiel," she stated softly.

He approached her carefully and smiled as he fingered one of her wings. "You are beautiful, Hope."

She smirked. "Don't go getting attracted to me, Cas. Your vessel is old enough to be mine's father."

He chuckled. "Believe me, I have not set my designs on you."

"Good to know."

"Would you care to fly home now? I am sure your mother is quite concerned."

She nodded and in a flash, she had reappeared in front of Ryan. "Hope!" Ryan shouted and flung her arms around her daughter.

Hope hugged her for all she was worth. "Sorry, Mom."

"Don't scare me like that again, okay?"

"I promise."

Ryan pulled back to look at her daughter. "Are you okay?"

"Are you kidding? I'm fully juiced and I got my wings back! I'm great!"

Ryan chuckled. "Alright, then. Think you need some rest? Or do you want to continue partying?"

Hope grinned. "Well, I want to party, of course."

Ryan put her arm around Hope's waist and they walked back into the house together.

* * *

**Ryan POV**

Ryan smiled as she pulled the breakfast casserole out of the oven. Last night had been a doozy, so she felt sure when the girls appeared they'd be ready for something to eat. She had stayed off the booze since her and Sam's…interlude a few months back, but last night she'd thrown caution to the wind once the littlest boys had gone to sleep and they'd given Hope a grown up party. Granted, she was only fourteen in human years, but it was quite obvious she was an adult, far more mature than Ryan had been in college even. And then, when midnight had struck and Hope sprouted her wings, well, that had pretty much sealed the fact that her little girl wasn't a little girl anymore. That was when Ryan had hit the hard stuff. Only Jody getting the boys up and about and playing with them had helped Ryan start her day off without a bitch fit and a crappy attitude.

"Coffee," Tory muttered as she walked in.

Ryan chuckled. Tory had crashed with her the night before after Castiel had gone back to report of Hope's recent change in status. Her being one hundred percent angel would be an adjustment for everyone, she suspected. Though, Ryan had noticed it hadn't deterred the girl from sleeping, or eating, for that matter, when she'd found Hope stuffing a piece of pumpkin pie (her favorite) in her face around one-thirty in the morning. It had started getting hazy around then. She briefly remembered Andy wanting to go back to the bunker to go to sleep, and Sam, being the least drunk, agreeing to take her. Honestly, she hoped Sam had enough sense to stay off the roads, but when she went to knock on his door to see if he needed any aspirin before she came downstairs, his bed was made with the military precision it usually was and it was all too evident he hadn't slept there. Ryan fervently hoped he had just crashed at the bunker in his old bedroom.

She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and typed a quick text message to him, but to her dismay, heard her ringtone from the living room. She walked to the sound of "Hold My Hand" by Hootie and the Blowfish, and found Sam's phone on the coffee table amid wine and highball glasses. She gathered them up on a tray and took them, as well as his phone, which she pocketed, to the kitchen.

She spared a glance at Tory and chuckled as her friend tried with dismay to get the childproof cap opened on the aspirin bottle. "Fuck. Fucking stupid…" she was muttering. Ryan grabbed it from her and proceeded to open it swiftly and shuffled a few into Tory's hand. Tory glanced at her and her eyebrow shot up. "How are you not hungover as fuck?"

"I've already had the hair of the dog this morning and I've already had a cup of coffee, a glass of water, a couple of pills, and something to eat." She glanced at her friend and smiled. "Plus, I don't feel the need to overindulge as you do, my dear."

Tory just looked at her, incredulous. "What _time _did you get up?"

She glanced at the clock on the stove. "A few hours ago."

Tory glanced around. "Where are the boys?"

Ryan inclined her head to the backyard where Jody was playing with the little guys and the dogs. "She's been keeping them entertained and outside so they wouldn't wake anyone."

"God bless her," Tory groaned. Ryan just smiled as she began filling the sink with water and dishwashing detergent.

Just then, she heard the front door open. She turned toward the door and smiled at Sam. "You look like hammered shit," she told him. To her surprise, he didn't smile. In fact, he looked sick.

"Ryan…"

Her brows knit. "Sam? What's wrong?"

"I…I did something. Something bad."

She let out a gasp and after drying her hands on the dishtowel, slung it over her shoulder. "You didn't kill anyone, did you?"

"What? No. Of course not."

She blew out a breath. "You didn't wreck your car?"

"No! I'm fine. I just…" he shook his head. "I…"

"Sam…what did you do?"

"I had sex with Andy!"

Ryan blinked a few times in rapid succession. "Could, uh, could you repeat that? Slower, perhaps? Because it _sounded _like you said you slept with Andy."

"I did," he stated as he sank into a chair and Ryan's eyes met Tory's, whose own eyes widened.

"What happened?" Ryan asked.

"I, hell, I don't know. There was booze. There was flirting. There was me talking shit, her talking shit, a game of pool, I think? And then…" A myriad of emotions crossed his face; satisfaction, disgust, pleasure, it all ran the gambit before he sighed. "I don't know."

Ryan cleared her throat. "Okay. So, what happened this morning?"

He just looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"You know, when you two woke up. What did she say?"

"I…I don't know. I just…I just woke up and came here."

"You fucking _bailed _on her?" Tory interjected. "Whoa. Dick move, Sam."

Sam glowered at her, but Ryan nodded. "She's right. Whatever happened, the two of you have to sort through it."

"But…I mean…it's…I didn't…I shouldn't…I…fuck, Ryan, I fucked up."

"No shit, Sherlock. She's going to be pissed as all hell you left. Go, run through a drive-thru, grab you both some breakfast, make it look like you went and got her something to eat. Get her a coffee, lots of cream, no sugar, and hash browns. At least two, maybe three orders. She loves salt. She'd rather eat those than a biscuit. Oh! And a breakfast pastry; a Danish, cinnamon roll, something." She snagged a twenty out of her pocket, handed him that, along with his phone, and ordered, "Go on, get going! You don't want her pissed first thing!"

He just looked at the money and phone in his hand like it was made of molten lava or something equally as strange. "What?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "For God's sake, Sam, Andy is one of my best friends. She is _not _a one-night stand!"

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "So…you have a problem because I left her this morning, not because of who she is?"

Ryan just looked at him a moment. "Well, I'm not really thrilled the two of you just dove into your relationship with sex, but, hey, what can I say? Like I didn't do the same damn thing with Dean? Judgment free zone, man."

He shook his head. "No, Ryan, not that part! I mean…because she's…she looks like…" He blew out a breath. "Did I sleep with her because she looks like Ruby?"

Ryan sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder. She had a feeling exactly _why _Sam and Andrea felt the need to sleep together, last night of all nights, and she _would _be getting to the bottom of it. "Sam, I've seen the way you two look at one another."

His gaze was quizzical. "Huh?"

She sucked in, then blew out an exasperated breath. "For fuck's sake, you're dense. Must be a Winchester trait." At his indignant look, she popped him on the forehead lightly. "The two of you have been skirting around each other for months, ever since you met and you tried to kill her. She gets off on the thrill. She always has." Tory nodded in agreement. "But seriously, though, she's talked to me about it. She…well, she's attracted to you." She ran a hand through his hair lovingly. "Look, I'm not Dean. I won't judge you for hooking up with her, Sam. Andy is _not _Ruby. And the fact they look alike, well, it's weird, yeah, but hey, it's okay. Really."

He grabbed her wrist and held it to his face. "Am I being stupid?"

"The longer you sit here, the stupider you get. Get your ass back to her, now. Talk it out, damn it. Don't be a little bitch, Samantha."

"Jerk," he muttered with a smile.

She grinned and kissed his forehead. "Go on and talk to her. Who knows? Maybe…well, maybe there was a reason the two of you hooked up." Oh, she couldn't wait for him to leave so she could see if her suspicions were correct as to _why _they hooked up now.

He sighed and stood. "O-okay…"

She snatched the dish towel from her shoulder and proceeded to snap it on his ass. "Go on, tiger, go back there and get you another piece of ass!"

He shot her the bitchface, then walked back out. She glanced at Tory, who blew out a breath. "Holy shit."

Ryan nodded. "Tell me about it." She glanced heavenward and yelled, "HOPE DEANNA WINCHESTER! GET YOUR ASS DOWNSTAIRS, NOW!"

Tory winced at the sheer volume of Ryan's voice but Ryan was too pissed to care. About thirty seconds later, Hope came running down the stairs, angel blade in hand, still in her pajamas, with Krissy right on heels, gun drawn. "What? What's going on?"

Ryan clapped. "Well done for coming downstairs prepared, but we aren't under attack. Stow the weapons."

Krissy attempted to tuck her gun in the waistband of her pajamas but that caused them to sag too much. Finally, she sat it on the countertop next to Hope's blade.

Hope crossed her arms, which only made her look younger and slightly more ridiculous standing there in her Doctor Who pajamas. "What, Mom?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Do you know what just happened?"

"You scared the shit out of me and woke me up out of a really good dream about me and Robert Downey Junior?"

Ryan gaped at her daughter. "RDJ is old enough to be your grandfather."

Hope shrugged. "Like it stops me."

"Can the 'Dean Winchester Approved' attitude, Hope. Sam just came back."

Ryan saw the recognition dawn in her daughter's eyes, but she masked it with indifference. "And? Hey, is that your breakfast bake? I'm starving."

"Hope Deanna, he and Andy slept together last night."

True shock showed on Krissy's face and Hope feinted surprise like a pro, but Ryan had been with the kid from the start. She knew when her girl was bullshitting. "Hope Deanna," she stated calmly. "Why the fuck was there a cupid at the party last night?"

"There was a cupid?" Tory asked in surprise.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. The same cupid that hit me and Dean."

"Symmetry," Hope stated softly. "I thought it was appropriate…"

"To fuck with their lives that way? Really, Hope? I know you haven't been around Dean, like, rarely ever, but you do know Sam and you should respect his values!"

"I am! Mom! I'm respecting the hell out of his values! It's still free will!"

"To have a cupid stab two people in the ass for no apparent reason!?"

"Technically, it isn't the ass. All she had to do was touch them simultaneously. It's more complicated than you think, but not a big deal, see…"

"I don't care, Hope!" She fisted her hand in her hair. "God, come on! You know the history between the two of them! How could you…"

"It was supposed to be!" Hope cried. At Ryan's incredulous look, Hope sighed. "They were supposed to be together. Ruby screwed it up and their connection was scrapped."

"How do you know?"

"Alexis owed me a few favors from back in the day."

Ryan sighed anew. "Hope…"

"Mom, they're meant to be. Just because you don't get your happily ever after doesn't mean Sam doesn't deserve his."

Ryan's hand snapped out to slap her daughter's face before she could even fathom the action. "Don't you _dare _insinuate I don't want Sam's happiness! All I ever wanted was for you, him, the boys, hell, everyone _except _me to be happy! I would have been happy for Dean to have stayed with Lisa! So do _not _try to say I don't want Sam's happiness, because I _do_!"

"Uh…we're home," Ben said from the door. Ryan looked over at him as tears poured down her face. He had a gash over his eye and he looked exhausted, but he was home. Jesse came up behind him looking about as bad.

"Boys!" Ryan called as she wiped her eyes and went over to hug them both.

"What did we miss?" Jesse asked softly as he looked over at Hope.

Hope's eyes narrowed as she rubbed the fading red hand-print on her face. "Nothing," she stated as she stormed out of the room.

Ben watched his sister leave. "What's up with her?"

"Oh, she got all her angel grace, she set up Sam and Andy to be soul mates, and her mom just slapped her in the face." Tory provided from where she was still sitting, drinking her coffee as if she hadn't witnessed a shouting match.

Ben's eyebrow rose. "So…another normal day in the Winchester household?"

"Basically."

* * *

**Hope POV **

"Fuck this shit," she stormed as she threw clothes into her rucksack. "I can't do this. I can't. Fuck this. Fuck her. Fuck it all…"

"Hope?" Ben asked softly from the door.

She looked up and she hated the tears stinging her eyes. "Go away, Ben. I'm busy."

His eyebrow shot up as he came in and closed the door. "So I see. Going somewhere?"

"The fuck away from here," she fumed as she continued packing.

"I just got home, Sis."

She stopped and looked at him. "No offense, Ben, but we both know you don't really think of me like a sister. There's you, then there's us. It's cool. I get it."

He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Stop. Right now." She tried to struggle free but he just held her fast. It occurred to her then how much he looked like their father. Sure, there was a lot of his mother in him, too, but he had a lot of the same physical characteristics of their dad. "I know you aren't about to do to _them_ what _he _did to me."

She was too angry, too upset, to listen to reason and she sent out a bit of her grace to get him to let go of her. He dropped his hands as if she burned him. "What the hell, Hope?"

"Don't! You do _not _get to compare me to him! He left you for your own good! I'm leaving for mine!"

"You're being a little brat about this, Hope."

"I'm doing the right thing! Everywhere I turn, I'm getting crucified for doing the right thing! And I'm not happy!" She began sobbing then and sank to her bed. "I'm not happy, Ben."

She felt his arm wrap around her shoulder. "Look, I'm sorry, kid. Life's rough enough without being an angel, too."

She hiccupped and laughed as the tears poured. "Did I do it wrong?"

"What? Shooting Sam with the love arrow? Nah, I think he's long overdue. And Andy's cool. She's…she's bitchin', actually. She's bad ass like Ryan without the emotional baggage. Sounds like a perfect person for Sam. God knows he's got enough crap going on in his head for two."

She chuckled at that.

He hugged her tightly to him. "Look, I know you were angry before, but saying I don't love you like a sister? Asshole move, Hope. You _are _my sister. I may not claim Dean as my dad, or, well, I guess I do, begrudgingly, but you, Bobby, Jon, Ryan, Sam, hell, even Kris and Jesse, you're all my family. I love you all. You're my mechanic buddy, right?"

She smiled as she thought of all the times she bugged the shit out of him when he was under a car to explain it until finally, he'd pulled her down with him and explained all the parts and pieces of Baby and Demon and a few of the other cars they had at their disposal. "I loved that, Ben. I liked it when we did stuff together like that. It made me feel like you were my real big brother."

He grinned. "I _am _your real big brother, shorty."

Her eyes narrowed and she shoved him playfully. "I'm pretty darn tall for a chick, I'll have you know."

He shrugged. "You're still shorter than me."

"Stupid, freak tall people," she muttered.

He smiled. "Come on. You're not really leaving, are you? I just got home."

She bit her lip. With Ben there, that meant Jesse was there. She was in love with him, she knew it. Receiving her grace hadn't changed that. She had almost hoped it would. "I don't know, Ben. I need to go. Kris and I had a job we were looking into…a haunting."

"Sounds fascinating," he stated drolly.

"Shut up," she said as she shoved him again.

He fell back onto her bed dramatically. "Oh! You've bested me!"

Her lip twitched. "Don't make me break out my grace, buster."

He sat back up. "That reminds me. Show me your feathers."

She blushed. "Nah, you don't want to see that…"

"Sure I do. Come on. Bring down some wrath of Heaven. I wanna see. I've never seen an angel vamp out before."

"We do not _vamp out_," she scoffed.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Show me."

She giggled and stood. "Stand back, okay? When I did this last night, I managed to rocket myself to Vancouver."

"Cool. They film my favorite show there."

Her eyebrow rose. "I didn't know Doctor Sexy, M.D. was still on the air."

"Ass," he muttered.

"Takes one to know one," she shot back.

He opened his mouth to argue and then shook his head. "Damn. Caught on a technicality."

She stuck her tongue out at him and moved to the other side of the room. She focused her energy and felt her wings flourish behind her.

"Whoa. Holy shit," he murmured.

She smiled as she tucked them away and watched with her bottom lip between her teeth as he stood and walked around her. She stood completely still as he stopped and touched a hand to her shoulder blades. "I can't feel them."

"No. You can't."

"Could I?"

She blinked as her brows furrowed. "I don't know. No one has ever asked me that before."

"They're really beautiful," he told her as he came around to her face. "You're beautiful, sis."

Her blush returned. "Thanks," she whispered as she looked at her boots. She had gotten dressed in a hurry in her skinny jeans, her hiking boots, and her favorite Led Zep tee.

He grasped her chin and hauled her face up so her eyes met his. "Look, Hope, I know about Jesse. I know you're crazy about him."

She gasped and tried to move, but he grasped her wrists. "Don't fight me on this, okay? Just…listen, alright?"

She sighed, but squared her shoulders and lifted her head minutely. "Okay."

"I don't know if he feels the same about you, but he's not…" He blew a breath out of his nose. "He's not like Dean. He's not…like me."

Her brows quirked. "You mean…?"

"He doesn't sleep around, okay? I don't know if that's by design or what, but I wanted to let you know. He's…he's a good guy."

She bit her lip again and nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

He grinned. "And for what it's worth, I find out he _is _messing with you, before you're old enough? I'm kicking his ass, half demon or not."

She smiled at that. "My hero. My big brother."

He winked. "You know it. Now," he pulled a badly wrapped gift from his back pocket. "I got you something."

She took the small package from him with furrowed brows. "What is it?"

"Duh, open it and find out."

"Smart ass," she replied lovingly as she wrapped the newspaper away from it. She blinked in surprise at the cassette tape. "Uh…thanks?" It was a copy of Led Zeppelin IV. It was her favorite album, but she already had a copy of the CD, though.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Open it, dufus."

She opened it and found a photograph of an old car. Her brows furrowed again as she looked at him.

"She's a 1964 Ford Galaxy. I found her for a steal at an auto auction a few months ago. She needs a shit-ton of work done on her, but, I figured between your hunts and mine, we should be able to get her finished by your sixteenth birthday…"

Her eyes widened and she threw her arms around Ben. "Thank you! It's one of the best gifts I've ever received!"

He hugged her tightly in return. "Well, hey, it's not much, and you'll have to work your ass off, but it will be worth it."

She pulled away and looked at the picture again. "This…this is awesome, Ben!"

"Sorry I couldn't be here last night. We ganked that fucking Rawhead and booked it back here as quickly as we could."

She smiled. "It's fine. That reminds me…" She put a hand to his face and watched as the cuts on his face disappeared.

He reached up to feel his forehead and smirked. "Thanks."

She shrugged. "Perks of having an angel for a sister," she said with a smile.

"Come on. Want to go see your new metal baby?"

"She's here?"

Ben nodded. "I had her delivered to The Bunker. She should be arriving shortly. Shipping was a bitch to get her here. Apparently some people don't like hauling ancient pieces of shit around."

"Hey! Don't talk that way about my baby!" she groused as she punched his arm.

He smiled and grabbed her waist. "Well, quit talking about her and let's let you go meet her!"

She smiled. This might not be the best birthday on record, but it was pretty damn close.

* * *

**January Twenty-Fourth **

**Sam POV**

Sam blew out a breath as he stood to get dressed. He knew what day today was. It was Dean's birthday. Usually, he and Ryan both skirted around the date, often walking around on eggshells with each other.

He heard a groan from the direction of the bed. "Five more minutes?" Andy asked softly.

He chuckled. "Sure, go ahead. I'm going to grab a shower."

"You're so damn perky for it to be so early," she muttered from under the pillow she had covered her face with.

He laughed at that and walked to the bathroom. Life had changed on him yet again. He hadn't intended on falling in love, but when your niece has a cupid come and do you a solid, you couldn't argue with it. He had been outraged in the beginning, when Hope had come clean about what she had done until he realized, what the fuck did it matter? He loved Andy. It was weird, how quickly it happened. Of course, he had been tramping down on the fact he was falling for her for months, ever since he came back home to find her there with Ryan and the kids. She was an awesome person. She was bad ass, sweet, sexy, irritating, smart, so fucking smart it made his head spin, and she absolutely didn't take any of his shit. She was, well, she was perfect for him.

He turned on the water and stripped naked before he stepped under the hot spray. Andy was quite content to live at the bunker, so they spent part of their time there, and part of the time in his huge king sized bed in Ryan's house. At first, he had been awkward about her coming back with him until Ryan had set him straight. He chuckled as he remembered her saying, "Hell, Sam, at least one of us is getting laid. Go on. I don't care if it's under my roof. Just don't let me hear it." That had quickly made him realize…Andy was a loud lover. And she brought things out in him that made him want to hear her scream. So, usually, they hung out in the bunker when sex was on the table, and when they wanted to just sleep, they did it in the comfort of his bed. It wasn't ideal, but it worked, for now.

He felt warm hands slide around him and he smiled as she hugged him from behind. He turned in her arms and looked down at her. She was so much shorter than him. It was funny, he'd never really given a lot of thought to his lover's sizes, but she was small, which made her quite easy to just pick up and put her exactly where he wanted. Occasionally, he would get glimpses of the times he was with Ruby, and when that happened, she would back off, let him get himself out of his head and back on her, and he loved her all the more for it. He could admit to himself how weird it was, but he was damned if he could do a thing about it. "Thought you wanted five more minutes," he teased gently as she stood on tip-toe to kiss him.

"Yeah, but then you turned the water on, and, well," she held up both her hands like a scale. "Sleep? Naked Sam? Sleep? Naked Sam?" She smirked. "Naked Sam wins, hands down. Always."

He grinned as he picked her up and wrapped her legs around him. "Is that a fact? And you don't want anything but to see me naked?"

She bit her lip as he positioned himself, hard already, teasing her entrance. "Well, I wouldn't say 'no' to having you inside me," she panted as his mouth dipped to her breasts, laving first one, then the other, with attention.

"Is that so?" he teased as he thrust, not connecting them, but hitting her clit, taunting her.

"Y-Yes," she moaned.

He grinned evilly as he sat her down and turned around to wash himself. "Too bad. I'm late."

He could almost _feel _her glare. "Fuck that, Samuel Winchester. You know you don't have a time clock."

"But we do have some demanding little boys that will want us to be on time to teach them. I'm working with Bobby G on shotguns today while you teach Jon Latin."

He heard her huff out a breath before she reached around him to encase him in her hand. He hissed out a breath.

"Luckily, I know how to get you there fast," she murmured. She worked him a few moments before he panted out a breath and she circled in front of him. "Still want me to stop?"

"N-No," he managed.

She knelt in front of him and took him in her mouth, suckling gently before taking great pulls, swallowing around him and his eyes rolled back in his head and he put a steadying hand on the wall of the shower. "Andrea…" he warned.

She pulled away and looked up innocently at him. "Yes?"

He glared down at her. "Fuck it," he muttered as he picked her up again, shoved her into the wall, and thrust into her.

"Yes!" she cried, but he clamped a hand over her mouth.

"We are in Ryan's house. We will at least be considerate, okay?"

She bit his finger, then licked it. He groaned as he continued to thrust. "You want it hard and fast?"

She didn't answer, save for taking one of his fingers in her mouth and sucking on it for all she was worth.

His eyes narrowed as he realized what she wanted. "Fine. Hard and fast it is." Since he had her trapped against the wall, his other hand slid to her clit and began toying with her, tempting her, teasing her until she was moaning around his finger still in her mouth and he felt both their releases coming on strong. With a cry, he wrenched his hand away from her mouth in time to fuse his lips with hers.

He fucked her mouth slowly with his tongue as he continued to gently thrust until they were both off the ledge. He then sat her back down gently and grabbed her loofah, putting her favorite body wash on it before he began lightly scrubbing her shoulders.

Her head fell back onto his chest and she let out a groan of pleasure. "If you wash me, I'll want another round, and I don't have time to get you up and at 'em again, slugger."

He chuckled out a breath as he kissed her ear. "You know it wouldn't take me but a minute around you."

She laughed throatily. "Yeah, but duty calls. With Ryan being gone on a hunt, those two little monsters are our responsibility."

He smirked. "Guess we'd better hurry then."

She bit her lip and moaned as that loofah traveled between her legs. "Fuck, Sam," she moaned as he washed her, rinsed the soap away, and then began fingering her.

"Shhh, I feel bad. You know I like for you to have at least two to my one."

"S-S-Sam!" she cried as he continued his ministrations. His other hand began toying with her nipples and in no time at all, she came hard and fast again all over his hand. He lifted it to lick his fingers and let out a hum of appreciation. "Now _that _is better than coffee."

"You perv," she teased as she washed the soap from the rest of her body. "Well, I'm clean. I suggest you hurry your ass up."

He chuckled as she stepped from the shower. "You're welcome!" he shouted after her. Her laughter could be heard as she walked out into the bedroom. He grinned as he hurriedly washed. Yeah, he was in love. What an odd sensation.

"Okay, Bobby, let's see what you've got," Sam stated patiently as he handed Bobby the sawed off.

The little boy took it and looked up at Sam with his head cocked to the side. "But…I got angel juice, right? Why do I need to know how to use a gun?"

Sam knelt down in front of the six year old. "Well, it's like this; occasionally, you meet up with a monster that knows angel's weaknesses. And if you do, they can make it so you don't have any powers. That happened to Castiel once when we were on a hunt. She took away his powers and he didn't know how to use a gun. If you learn how to master guns, fighting hand-to-hand, knives, you'll be unstoppable."

The little boy grinned. "Cool. Like Batman."

Sam chuckled. "Exactly."

Bobby's brows furrowed as he thought. "But…does that mean Jon can be my Robin?"

Sam's lips twitched._ Kid, you're so much like Dean sometimes…_ "Sure. I think that's a great idea. The two of you will have to rely on each other if you're going to be hunting partners."

"Of course we's are, Sam! We're gonna be the bestest hunting partners, ever! Just like you and Daddy!"

Sam's heart clenched and he sucked in a breath as the pain attacked him once more, but he smiled and ruffled the little boy's dark hair. It had a reddish hue, more like Ryan's now, and the boy's eyes had darkened as well. They weren't quite hazel, not anymore, but they weren't quite the brown of his mother and sister, either. Truthfully, they looked the same color as Gabriel's previous vessel. "Just like me and your dad, yeah."

Bobby was quiet a moment as he held the shotgun pointed down, safe, and sighed. "You think I'll ever get to meet him?"

Sam's eyebrow went up. "You want to?"

The little boy looked up and nodded. "Yeah. I do. I know he's busy and all. I know what he is, but, that doesn't mean he's not my daddy, too."

Sam's heart went out to the little guy. "You're right, Bobby. He's your dad, too. But you have to remember; me and your mom, and your aunts, we're keeping you safe by not telling him. We're not telling any demons about you guys. At least, not yet."

"It's stupid. I want to meet my daddy, Unca Sam."

Sam swallowed hard. He wanted Dean back, too. _You should be here, Dean. These kids should be learning from both of us, not just me! _He let out a sigh. "One day, Bobby, I'm sure you'll meet him."

"Promise?"

Sam nodded hesitantly. "I promise. One day, you will meet your dad." _I'm just not sure how well you'll be received. _If there was one thing he knew about his brother, demon or not, it was the fact Dean didn't like betrayal. When he found out about this? That everyone who ever cared for him was in on this? He might just destroy them all.

Instead of dwelling on that, Sam stood and gestured down the tree line. They were working outside with the salt pellets. The time would come when they would need to work on more specific aims, and he still wanted to teach both the littlest boys how to use a sniper rifle, but for now, target practice and attempting to shoot a ghost sounded like a good place to start. He just wished he had a real ghost to train on. That would come with time. The kid had at least another year or two before they took him out for his first hunt. "Go for it."

The little boy stuck his tongue between his teeth, lined up his shot, and fired.

Sam smiled as the salt bounced off the target. It was a little high and to the left, but at least it hit in the general vicinity. Close enough for his first time. "You're a natural, kid."

The little boy looked up at him with awe. "I did good?"

Sam rubbed the boy's hair once more. "You're a Winchester, Bobby. Through-and-through."

Later that afternoon, Sam and Andy were researching in the bunker. The boys were studying their work; Bobby was practicing his spelling, and Jon was writing his ABC's when the bunker door burst open and Tory came in half-carrying Ryan.

"Mommy!" Bobby yelled as Sam ran over and grabbed Ryan, who was all but unconscious and leaking blood like a sieve.

"What the hell happened?"

"Hunters," Tory managed. "Demons."

Sam's brows furrowed as he laid Ryan down on one of the research tables. "What?" He pulled off her jacket and saw an obscene amount of blood gushing from a gunshot wound on Ryan's shoulder.

"I don't know, man. We were hunting that vamp nest. We got it cleared out and then these two guys, roughnecks, came out, started bitching we stole their kills. Ryan tried to reason with them, she told them her name, and they just…" She sucked in a breath and her eyes flashed as they met Sam's. "Sam, they weren't just hunters. They'd been possessed. Both of them were demons."

He blew out a breath. "Well, not everyone has our tattoos…"

She shook her head. "No, that's not the bad part." She sucked in a breath. "They called her 'The Demon's Bitch'. Who knows about her and Dean?"

Sam blanched. "You don't think someone knows, do you? I mean, if they did, wouldn't they say something about her belonging to the king or something?"

"I…I don't know. It's possible…I mean…maybe they knew that bastard that attacked her as a child. It seems to me, if that was his M.O. he was probably pissed she got away from him, twice. _But, _if Ryan has a bounty on her head for being…whatever she is, or was, to Dean, she's in danger."

Sam spared a glance back at Ryan. "What did you do with the hunters?"

Tory's face was grim. "What the fuck do you think I did? They would have killed her _and _me, Sam. I had to put them down. I didn't have time to exorcise them."

Sam's jaw ticked, but he nodded. He would have done the same thing. "Maybe they're the only two that know."

"Here's hoping," she murmured.

Bobby had crept closer and touched Ryan's shoulder. The wound didn't heal, but the bleeding slowed. Sam caught sight of the boy's terrified face and he walked around the table to scoop him up as Bobby cried into his chest. "Why can't I heal her, Unca Sam? I needs to heal her!"

Sam rubbed the little guy's back. "Shhh, Bobby, you're scared and when a person is scared, they can't think straight. Just calm down. She'll be fine. Don't try to heal her. She won't die."

"You pwomise?" Bobby whispered.

Sam smiled at him. "You know your mom. Trust me. She's one of the strongest women I know. All your aunts are, too. It's gonna take a lot to kill any of them. Trust me on that."

"O-okay," Bobby said on a hiccup.

Sam glanced back at Ryan, who was now most definitely unconscious. He turned to Tory. "Go get…"

"Right here," Andy said as she ran back into the room with the large first-aid kit they had.

Sam nodded as he handed Bobby to Tory. "I'll stitch her up. If you can heal her later, Bobby, that's fine. But for now, I want to get the wound cleaned out and stitched, alright?"

The little boy bit his lip and nodded before he buried his head in Tory's neck. Tory rubbed his hair and started whispering to him as she cared him away, back to the desk he had been working at, beckoning Jon to join her as well.

Andy looked at Ryan before she looked up at Sam. "You know what you're doing, right?"

Sam chuckled. "Please. I know how to suture better than a damn doctor."

He had Andy help sit Ryan up and pulled off her jacket and over shirt before he sliced her tee off of her. "Looks like it was a through-and-through. That's good." He winced as he glanced at her tattoo. It looked as if the bullet had torn through part of one of her wings. It was…poetic looking, almost. He glanced at her other shoulder and saw the scars from the Rawhead attack and he grimaced again.

"How's it look?" Andy asked softly as she held Ryan's unconscious form upright.

"I've seen worse," he answered truthfully. "Tor! How much blood did she lose?"

"Enough," came the response.

Sam sighed. "Great." He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured a generous dose on the wound and Ryan shrieked as she came to. "Easy," he commanded as he and Andy laid her down again.

"Sam? What happened?"

"Looks like you're a bullet magnet today."

Her brow furrowed and he could see the confusion in her eyes. "Bullet? Didn't we go kill vampires?"

He merely nodded. "Yep."

"They shoot at people now?" she questioned.

He chuckled and shook his head. "I'll explain it later. Let me stitch you up."

"Ugh," she commented as he pulled out the needle and thread. "Fun times ahead."

"Drink some booze," Andy commanded as she handed another bottle to Ryan.

Ryan propped up on her good elbow and sucked down a healthy dose. She gasped and sputtered. "Fucking hell, Andy? That's vodka!"

Andy smiled. "I know. And vodka gets you lit like nobody's business."

"Bitch," Ryan muttered as Andy pushed her back down so Sam could begin his sutures.

"You love me," Andy told her with a wink.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you're one of two women I've ever kissed, so…"

Sam's hand stopped as the needle pierced Ryan's skin. "What?"

Andy and Ryan shared a grin. "Work," Andy demanded. "We'll discuss our gay thing another day."

"Fuck," Sam muttered under his breath as he continued his work. "Teases, both of you," he growled. He stitched up the front wound, then Ryan turned onto her stomach after having another healthy dose of vodka. By the time Sam was finished, Ryan was a very relaxed puddle of goo.

"You know," she slurred, "It's nice having such great friends. I'm so glad you're all here. I love you all so much."

"How much vodka did you give her?" Sam mused as he put the bandage over the stitches.

"Enough. She can drink whiskey like a champ, rum like a pirate, but give her vodka and she's fucked up almost immediately.

"M'not fucked up, I'm just nice and relaxed…" Ryan drawled, the southern lilt coming back into her voice he so rarely heard.

Sam chuckled and picked her up. "Okay, well, you can sleep it off in Dean's room, okay?" Even though they had a couple of trusted hunters in and out, and a few that spent most of their time in the bunker, Dean's room had remained unchanged. Occasionally Ryan would sleep there, or Hope, if she were home and working late, but it was off-limits to anyone outside of family. It was just one way they could honor the man that had given up his humanity for the greater good.

"I miss him," Ryan stated softly as Sam carried her down the hall.

"I know, Ryan. I do, too."

"Today's his birthday."

"I know."

"I would have made him a cake, you know? A big, giant, cholesterol-riddled monstrosity. Did you know there are these things that are pies baked in cakes? I'd make him one of those. It's a bitch, I hear; takes almost twenty-four hours to fully bake and construct one, but I'd do it for him, Sam. I mean it. I want Dean back." She began to cry then and Sam hugged her to him.

"Me too, Ryan, me too."

He smiled at Andy, who opened Dean's door and she pulled back the covers for him to gently lay Ryan down. She covered her friend and sighed. "Think she'll be okay?"

Sam nodded. "She'll be fine." He brushed a kiss to Ryan's forehead and Ryan let out a snore as she fell asleep.

The two stepped out and Sam shut the door. "So…this gay thing…"

Andy's eyes narrowed. "Why didn't you tell me it was his birthday today?" she inquired softly.

Sam shrugged. "It hurts, you know?"

He made to walk away, but she grasped his forearm. He looked at her and her concerned eyes met his. "Hey, don't. Don't ever hide anything about yourself from me."

He shrugged and rubbed his hands together. They were stained with Ryan's blood. "He's a demon. You don't like demons."

"Jon's a demon, and I love that little guy. If this whole thing has taught me anything, it's to not judge a book by its cover. You and Ryan love Dean. Cas, and Charlie, they both love him, too. So, he must be special. And if he's special, then, I'm sure I would love him as well. Just because I haven't met him, doesn't mean you can't talk to me about him. He's a part of you, Sam. He always will be. I get that. But let me in. Please?"

He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's just…it's hard, sometimes, you know?"

He felt her nod. "I know it is, Sam. But that's what I'm here for. I love you, you dolt."

He chuckled and pulled away only to kiss her soundly. "I love you, too, Andrea. So very much."

She smiled. "Don't go getting sappy on me now, babe. Come on. I want to know what Tory meant about those hunters."

Sam nodded and grasped her hand tightly in his as they began walking back down the corridor.

They walked back into the war room and glanced over at Tory. "Kids, why don't you guys go to the gym and play?" Andy told them. The workout room had padding all over the floor now since they used it for sparring and the kids loved playing in there, practicing fighting and sparring.

"Yes!" they shouted in unison.

"And don't break anything using your powers!" Sam called after them.

"And play quietly! Your mom is still resting!" Tory shouted.

Sam looked at her. "What happened out there, Tory?"

Tory sighed and picked up the bottle of vodka Ryan had abandoned and drank a generous swig. "Hell if I know. All I know is these two roughnecks came up, started bitching at us. Ryan tried to calm them down, said we were from the Men of Letters. They asked who we were. We told them." She shook her head as her eyes grew wide. "If you could have seen the looks on their faces when they heard Ryan's name…"

"But _how _did they know? I mean, we're so careful about Ryan's identity…"

"I don't think it came from us," Tory stated simply. "I think it came from Hell."

"Meg wouldn't sell us out," Sam told them.

"You don't think?" Andy asked.

Sam shook his head. "She respects me, and Cas, too much. Plus, she likes Ryan. I don't think she did it."

"One way to find out," Tory stated simply as she walked away. Sam and Andy followed her to the supply closet and the dungeon beyond. She walked over and began gathering the ingredients for the summoning spell. "You haven't seen her in a while, right?"

Sam shook his head. "No, but I think Cas has…"

A shadow passed over Tory's face, but it left as quickly as it came. She put the bowl on the floor and flicked a lit match into it.

"Well, well, well, long time no see," Meg stated as she leaned against the wall.

"Meg, sorry to bother you," Sam began.

Tory cut him off. "Some hunters just tried to kill Ryan because they said she was the demon's bitch. What do you know?"

Meg held up both hands. "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't do it."

Sam shot Tory a look. "Meg, we aren't suggesting you did, all we want to know is if there is any way someone down there knows something."

Meg's eyes narrowed. "Nah, I'm pretty sure Clarence's sex doll thinks I did it."

"Why you…" Tory shouted, but Sam grabbed her as she made her way toward Meg.

"Calm down," he ordered. "Andy…"

Andrea nodded and walked over to Meg. "What they're trying to ask is if maybe somebody overheard something, or if…"

"If I've got loose lips? You know me better than that, Sam. I've got a vested interest in the boy king. If he's going to truly rule down south, I've got to protect him. And that means protecting his mama." She paused and thought a moment. "Maybe it's Crowley."

"Crowley? Wow. That name is a blast from the past," Sam stated.

Meg chuckled. "Yeah, well, Dean keeps him on a pretty damn short leash, but maybe when Ryan and I were down in Hell, he didn't buy our cover story. Although, damn, she was convincing. I haven't been kissed like that since Castiel learned a new move from the pizza man…"

Sam heard Tory let out a roar of indignation and felt her pulling at his arms as he continued to restrain her, but he zeroed in on, "Ryan went to Hell? When?"

Meg rolled her eyes. "Duh. When she went and visited Lucifer and Michael in the cage."

"WHAT?!"

Meg winced. "Geeze. Inside voice, Sammy." She sighed. "Ryan wanted to know more about the prophecies. So, I took her for a three hour tour."

"What did they say?"

Meg shrugged. "How should I know? I failed Lucifer, once upon a time, Sam. He'll have my soul for lunch. I'm not about to go down there and toy with the bastard. I let her go down, talk, then, I sent her on her merry little way. She popped out of Purgatory and I brought her back here. That's it."

"You said Crowley saw you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he saw us as we were leaving Hell. He knows not to fuck with me, but maybe…maybe he didn't think we were convincing enough. I don't know. Maybe he started looking into Ryan. I mean, if you know where to dig, you can find out quite a bit."

"We need to let Ryan wake up, see what she has to say about this. Maybe we need to have a chat with Crowley," Andy told him.

Sam nodded and asked Tory, "I let you go, you gonna kill her?"

Meg smirked. "Come on, sugar, it's not like I had as much of Cas as you have, obviously. We could be friends, you know. I do know quite a bit about him. He and I did spend a _lot _of time together…"

Tory's eyes narrowed and Sam tightened his grip as Tory lunged again. He sighed as Meg sneered. "Are we good? I got a thing." Her smirk grew. "You know, Hell to help run, souls to torture…"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, go ahead. If I need you…?"

She winked. "You know where to find me." And with that, she disappeared.

Sam released his grip on Tory, who spun around and slapped his face before she walked out. He heaved out a world-weary sigh and Andy laughed. "You go wake up Ryan. See what she has to say about this little side trip to Hell. I'll go talk Tory down off a ledge."

Sam watched her go and blew out another breath. He was ill equipped to deal with this many women. "I sure could use your help, Dean," he muttered as he walked out and down the hall toward his brother's room.

He walked in and glanced down at Ryan. She was drooling slightly and he chuckled. He walked over to Dean's dresser and pulled out one of his brother's shirts. He sighed as he looked at it. It was odd that they still kept Dean's clothes here, but they'd slowly dwindled. Ryan, Hope, and begrudgingly, Ben, had all stolen shirts from Dean's meager supply.

He walked over and touched her arm gently. "Ryan? Come on, wake up."

She let out a groan and opened her eyes. He smiled as he knelt down by the bed. "Hey, champ. How ya feeling?"

"I'll live," she replied gruffly as she sat up. She glanced down at her blood-stained bra and he just held out Dean's shirt.

"Don't lift your arm," he instructed as he helped her wrap the flannel around herself.

She sighed. "I can almost smell him on it. Isn't that sad?"

"It's kinda pathetic, but I can, too, so I'm not judging."

She smiled slightly at that. His eyes narrowed. "So, I had a little chat with Meg."

She blinked and twisted her legs around to stand up. "Oh?"

He gripped her hips so she couldn't stand. "Yes. Turns out she had quite a few interesting things to say. Something about a Hell trip?"

She sighed. "Sam…"

"I'm just trying to think of _why _you would lie to me. I mean, that was a while ago. You wanted to find out about the Hell prophecies, right? So…why didn't you tell me?"

"What do you want me to say, Sam?"

"The truth. That would be nice."

She licked her lips before she tucked the bottom one between her teeth. "I didn't lie," she said finally. "I just…withheld all the facts."

"A lie by omission."

She nodded her head. "If you want to see it that way." She paused. "It doesn't matter, anyway. It was a wasted trip."

"You _saw _him. Lucifer. You saw him. And you didn't tell me!"

"Why would I?" She placed a hand on his face. "Sam, I know how he wrecked you. I didn't live through it with you, but even now, when Stairway to Heaven comes on, you flinch. Anyone mentions anything about the devil and you wince. So, no, I didn't tell you."

"What did he look like?"

Her eyebrow rose. "You're a masochist, Sam." He shot her a look and she sighed. "He didn't look like you, if that's what you're asking. His…essence, or whatever, it didn't look like you."

Sam blew out a breath. "Good. That's…that's good. So…what else happened?"

She shrugged, then winced as she pulled her stitches. "Nothing. Honest. Biggest bunch of crap I've ever wasted time on. It was intimidating, but…well, not the worst thing I've ever lived through."

He grimaced. He knew of some of the things she'd lived through. "So…Meg said you met Crowley?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he was kind of forgettable, actually. I don't know why Jody said she thought he was good looking. Or maybe it's just I know too much about him…"

"Ryan, focus. What did he say? Did he act like he knew who you were? Did you use your name?"

She shook her head and blinked as if to clear her head. "N-Not that I can remember…" Her eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Because…Tory said those hunters, the ones that shot you, they were possessed by demons. They called you Dean's bitch."

She gasped. "Who would…?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Only person we could think of was Crowley. Meg swears she's keeping things on the down-low about you, and loathe to admit it, I believe her."

Ryan nodded. "I believe her, too. She would have no reason to lie about it. Not like this. Not about this, in any case. Besides, she believes in Jon. She…she _wants _him to be the king of Hell. I think she thinks he won't be quite as…well, he won't be like Dean."

Sam smirked despite himself. "We know better than that. Kid will be just like his old man, won't he?"

Ryan smiled softly. "I hope so," she whispered. She sucked in a breath and sat up straighter. "Okay, well, we need to speak to Crowley."

"Not here," Sam spoke quickly. "I don't want him anywhere near Jon, just in case."

She nodded. "Good point." She tapped him on his shoulder and he moved back so she could stand unsteadily, grasping his arm in the process.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

She nodded. "I'm fine. Let's go."

"You're not going."

"Sam, look, I know you want to help, that you're trying to keep me safe, all that jazz, but if he _does _know me, I'd rather face him head on, you know?"

Sam's jaw ticked as he tried to think of a way to dissuade her from going, but he realized it would be a waste of his breath. He blew a breath out of his nose and rolled his eyes. "Let's go. I'm driving."

She held up the keys from his pocket he hadn't realized she'd stolen, the infuriating little pickpocket that she was. "Nope. I'm driving."

"You've been shot. You're half drunk."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm fine. And I slept off most of the booze. Let's go get a greasy cheeseburger and I'll be perfect."

He watched her walk out the door and sighed. _Dean, _he thought as he scrubbed a hand over his face and through his hair,_ I swear to God, you should be handling your woman, instead of leaving me to do the dirty work. _He shook his head and followed her down to the garage.

After a pit stop for a burger, some fries, and a huge soft drink, Ryan smirked at him. "What? I'm good. Really."

Sam rolled his eyes again, but remained quiet as she drove to the nearest crossroads and they drew the devil's trap.

"Can't you just call him on your cell phone?" Ryan asked as she put her fake I.D. into the box to be buried.

"He won't answer my call. I'm sure Dean has ordered him not to come into contact with me."

He saw her eyes flash in hurt a moment before she nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Of course."

He blew out a breath. "Ryan…"

She shook her head. "Just bury the fucking box, Sam. Let's get to the point."

"If he starts anything…" Sam began.

"What? You're going to kill him?" She let out a laugh of exasperation. "Please. You Winchesters couldn't kill Crowley if your own lives depend on it. You like him too much."

"I wanted to kill him for years!" Sam shot back. "Dean was always the one…" Her eyebrow rose and his eyes narrowed. "Look, don't pick a fight with me. I'm still pissed at you for traipsing all around Hell with a demon, or did you forget you hate demons?"

"Kinda hard to hate them all when I'm in love with one and my son is another!" she shot back.

"I…" he bit the inside of his cheek. Arguing with her wouldn't do anyone any good. He took a calming breath and covered the box with dirt before moving out of the trap.

She glanced at him. "No offense, Sam, but I don't think anyone will show if you're here."

He hated to admit she was right. He blew out a breath. "Fine. But when Crowley comes…"

She nodded. "I got it. We interrogate him together." He walked to a small cropping of trees, knelt, watched and waited as she said the incantation.

"Did I do it right?" she asked herself softly.

"Who summons me?" a small voice stated. Ryan turned and grinned. Sam's eyebrow popped up. The little demon looked like a kid. It almost made him sad it was riding some teenage meatsuit. Sam watched as Ryan smirked. "Hello. You got a name, squirt?"

He growled at her and her smile grew. _She's going to toy with him. Interesting. _

"What do you want? You know, I don't think I want to make a deal with you, bitch."

Her eyebrow rose and she crossed to him quickly, backing him into the car and holding the angel blade level with his throat. "Where are you going to go, sweetcheeks? You're stuck with me."

"I hate hunters," he whined softly and she chuckled.

"Boo-hoo for you, poor little demon. Don't you know? I'm one of your worst nightmares."

"Crowley has us all on a leash and The King has him cowed down. What good does it do to summon me? I can't give you what you want. Crowley has strict instructions not to mess with any Winchesters…" he stated as he glanced at Sam. The demon grinned. "Or their little whelps."

She backhanded him, and he looked surprised as he touched his mouth where the blood oozed. "You will go to your boss and you will demand me an audience."

"Crowley won't see you. He doesn't see anyone topside anymore…"

She smirked as her eyes narrowed. "I'm not asking."

The little demon's eyes grew wide. "N-No. I c-can't! C-Crowley isn't allowed topside anymore! It is forbidden!"

_Well, Dean, looks like you're doing something else right, _Sam mused as Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "Looks like someone will have to make an exception."

"H-He won't see you."

She smiled a genuine smile. "Oh, he'll see me. I'm a friend of a friend, after all."

The demon shook his head. "No. Run me through with the blade. You can't make me go to him."

Ryan just kept smiling. Apparently Dean was just as frightening to the demons as their ruler as he had been when he had been merely human. No wonder things were going so swimmingly topside. _Good for you, man. _Sam might not like the idea of his brother being the king demon, but he was effective. Sam had always known Dean would be a good leader, no matter what.

Ryan was still talking; "You will go to him and you will give him a message. Tell him Ryan Fawcett wants to chat. Tell him his little firing squad didn't work. Tell him to come to me, or I tell Dean about his little stunt. Go to him. Now." She walked to the edge of the devil's trap. "I'll release you to go let him know I need an audience with him. If you try to screw me over, trust me, the fucking over you'll get at his hand will be a walk in the park compared to what I can do to you." She kicked at the dirt that had been spray-panted, breaking the trap. "I'll be waiting."

Sam watched the little demon walk to the edge of the trap, step over the break, and disappear.

Ryan walked to where Sam stood. "Now, we just wait to see if I scared the little shit enough to actually go get Crowley."

"Oh, you did it perfectly, love," Crowley stated from behind her and Sam found himself pinned to the tree with Ryan right next to him.

Ryan's eyes narrowed at Crowley and Sam watched in fascination as she moved her head minutely and stepped toward Crowley, lithely landing on the ground as she shook off Crowley's powers. Sam watched in amazement as her face grew intense and her hand curled. He had heard of her demon's powers, how they were developing. She was working with Jon, but he hadn't seen them. He wasn't sure why, but he hadn't wanted to, even though he realized he should have forced himself to watch her. Truthfully, he was afraid of them. She seemed to be getting off on the power, though. She hadn't had to use it often, only for a rogue demon or two, ones she usually killed with the angel blade she kept on her.

Crowley tried to brush off her power, but this time, it was he who found himself frozen. "It's true," he breathed.

She smirked as she walked over toward him, staying a bit away from him. "Yes. It's true."

He smiled and bowed as she released him. "I had wondered if Lucifer's ramblings were accurate."

"Thought you didn't like the devil," she threw out.

He shrugged. "I'm in with anyone overthrowing Dean Winchester. He's all but destroyed everything Hell stood for."

Her eyebrow rose. "Is that a fact? And what was Hell supposed to be? A place for souls to be tortured, right? I'm pretty sure if you asked Raeburn, he'd tell you Dean was doing that very thing."

Crowley smiled. "Ah, yes, dear Raeburn. I don't believe half the demons would be terrified of Squirrel if they realized he only tortured demons from his bitch's past."

Ryan moved to pull him under again but Crowley just tutted and grabbed her by the throat. Sam moved toward them, but Ryan held up a hand, signaling him to wait. "Do you have any idea what I could do to you?!" he growled in her face.

"But you won't," she panted. "Because I'm the mother of your one true king." He loosed his grip, just slightly and she smiled. "I was created for a reason, Crowley, and you know it. You can't kill me."

He released her and all but tossed her to the ground. Sam watched as she chuckled from where she was half lying on the ground. She didn't look at Crowley as she murmured, "Got ya by the short and curly's there, don't I, Big C? Because you can't do a damn thing at the moment, can you?"

"I can hurt someone else."

Her eyes lit to Crowley's. "But you won't," her voice was soft, deadly.

"What do you want, Ryan Fawcett?"

She stood and brushed the dirt from her pants, wincing as she pulled on her wound. "I want to know a lot of things. First; how you found out about me."

He smiled. "Well, that is quite easy. I'm observant."

She shot him a look and he shrugged. "What? I am. Dean is still Dean, no matter if his soul is twisted or not. He is more human than any other demon I've ever seen. It is…unsettling."

"So…what does that mean for anyone, everyone else?"

Crowley shrugged. "I have no idea." He turned and looked at her. "But you and I, Ryan, we could make a great team."

She crossed her arms. "And why would I do that?"

"Why wouldn't you? Do you really think dear old Dean will be pleased when he learns of your deception? What will prevent him from killing the child so he doesn't overthrow him?"

"Dean would never!" Sam shouted as he came closer.

Crowley's eyebrow rose. "Ah, Moose, so good to see you. I had wondered if you had finally been rendered mute. You're looking well."

"Can it, Crowley. Dean would never kill his own kid."

Crowley smiled. "Wouldn't he? If he heard from a reliable source that the child is evil? That the child's mother has demon blood running through her as well?" At Ryan's shocked expression, Crowley rolled his eyes. "Of course you have demon blood now, Ryan. You had a demon spawn. That blood runs through the child into you. Don't you know anything about physiology?"

Sam saw her warring within herself before she shook her head and blinked. "That doesn't matter right now, Crowley. Dean wouldn't kill his kid, no matter what." She smirked. "Besides, why would he trust a bottom feeding peon like you when he's best friends with one of the most powerful angels left alive?"

At that, Crowley rubbed his hands together. "One of the…well, yes, I suppose Castiel is quite powerful. However, not as powerful as your other two children, is he?"

Ryan gasped and before Sam could blink, she was standing with her hand on Crowley's face. "Mentem tuam ac voluntatem adsumo."

Sam came closer. "Ryan, what did you do?"

She shook her head and ignored him. "Where did you learn about me, Crowley?"

"I did not lie. I am observant. I listened to Meg and Dean talk about Raeburn. I pieced it all together." Sam's brows knit as he listened to how lifeless Crowley's voice had become, like he was a robot spitting out facts. What had Ryan done to him?

"And what are you planning on doing with this knowledge?" she inquired.

"I wish to overthrow the king. I want to hurt him. He is in love with you. It is making him a poor king. He is obsessed with torturing the demon that destroyed you. He comes closer, too, to finding out what the prophecies mean."

"Did you want me dead?"

"Yes. I had heard of your demon powers. That's why I sent my demons to shoot you, not try to use their gifts. You are still, after all, mortal, and a fatal gunshot wound would kill you."

"Do you still want me dead?"

"I did, until I met you. Now, I would love to have you…"

"That's enough," she interrupted with a sneer. "No need to get nasty. I get it. Demons love a piece of my ass. Thrilling." She glared at him a minute and sighed before muttering, "De eo permissum. Et oblitus huius."

Sam's brow furrowed as Crowley bowed deeply and vanished. Ryan sank visibly and Sam hurriedly grabbed her before she collapsed. "Ryan? What the hell did you do?"

"You saw him, Sam," she said as she stood straighter in his grasp and he let her go. "He knows too much."

"The spell?"

She smiled. "I read Dean's Men of Letters entry of when you two went and found the blade from Magnus. That was the spell Magnus used to try to make Dean do whatever he wanted."

"And the other thing? Permission…? You told him he was forbidden to speak of it, you ordered him to forget it?"

She nodded. "I wanted us to have a backup in case someone found out about the kids. I've been working on it. That should work, at least for now."

His brows knit before his eyes widened. "You're scary good at that, Ryan."

She chortled flatly as she closed her eyes in apparent exhaustion. "Come on, I need sleep." She handed him his keys. "You drive back now, okay?"

He chuckled. "Not so big and bad now, are you?"

"Shut up, Sammy," she murmured as he guided her toward the passenger side of the car.

"We need to talk about this, Ryan. Those demon powers of yours…nothing good can come of them."

She blew out an exhausted breath. "I know. But they keep me safe, Sam. I've been terrified of demons since I was eleven years old. Now, I don't have to be afraid of one overpowering me. If I keep working on this, building it up, cultivating it…"

He held up a hand. "I get it, Ryan. But speaking from experience, it's a slippery fucking slope."

Her tone was flat as she stated; "I know what I'm doing, Sam."

Realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere with her, he sighed. "Fine. But if you come to the point you crave the power so much you want to start drinking demon blood, I'm figuring out how the fuck to detox you."

She gave him a small smile. "Duly noted."

He huffed out a breath as she got into the car. He had the feeling this discussion was long from over.

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**AN2: That's it for this week. I will post another chapter before the New Year but I'm not sure about which day. Until then...love you all! And if you love me, and the story, send me a review, yeah? I'd love to know what has drawn you in, what you love about SPN, anything. Talk to me. I love it! And if you sign in to review and ask a question, or you PM me, I'll respond. XOXOXO **


	24. The Heat of the Moment

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. If I did, I would write all year long and never give J2 a break because we would NEVER have to live through Hellaitus! Mwahahahaha!**

**AN: Happy New Year's Eve everyone! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas if you celebrate it, and a lovely week this past week if you don't. Mine was BUSY! Ahhhh such is life. Here is the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy it! You'll be pleased to know I just sat down and wrote out the timeline for the second half of the story. So, we've still got a LOT of story to go! **

* * *

**March Sixteenth**

**Hope POV**

The loud noise woke her immediately and she had the angel blade from under her pillow in her hand before she opened her eyes.

"Nice reflexes," Krissy told her on a yawn as she flipped the alarm off and stretched.

"Fucking hell, Kris! I'm tired! We got in late last night!"

Krissy grinned as she stood. "Yeah, but you were the one that wanted the alarm set, remember? Come on…I'll go get coffee and doughnuts."

Hope yawned. "Danke," she commented as she, too, stood. Krissy snorted and Hope looked down at her choice of sleepwear; all she had on was a tee shirt with a picture of a gun on it and the demand of "MAKE ME COFFEE" on it. She glanced back up at Krissy. "Well? Do it."

Krissy's eyes narrowed as she pulled on her jeans. "Only because you're a bitch before coffee, angel or no."

"Bite me," Hope retorted, but she was smiling as she said it.

Krissy tossed her hair into a ponytail. "Shower. You fell asleep with witch guts in your hair."

Hope's lip curled as she touched her hair and felt the dried blood and viscera there. "Ew. Nasty. How come you let me do that?"

"Helloooo, have you seen you when you're tired? The angel juice was supposed to give you more energy, not zap it, Hope."

Hope yawned and shrugged as she watched Kris put on her boots. Hope was still in a teenage body. It wasn't like she had taken over the vessel, she and the vessel were still growing. It made her situation different from other angels. "Coffee. Fried dough. Please?"

Krissy's eyebrow rose. "A please? Wow. Clearly someone really wants to get in my good graces this morning."

Hope winced. She had something she'd been wanting to do ever since she got her angel mojo back, she just wasn't sure she could pull it off. So she smiled and said, "Nah, if I wanted to get in your good graces, _I _would go get the coffee and doughnuts." She smirked. "Go, I'll shower, then when you come back, we'll talk about what's next in the adventures of Laverne and Shirley."

Krissy looked at her friend a moment and shook her head. "I'm Shirley, aren't I?"

Hope didn't respond and Krissy just sighed and walked out the door. Hope heard the jeep start and she sighed as well as she went to quickly shower and get ready for their day.

By the time she was dressed, hair pulled into a French braid, and makeup on, Krissy was back and tossed her the white bag.

"You're a Godsend," Hope muttered after taking a deep breath to inhale the succulent smells the bag was extruding.

Kris snorted and sat down two big cups of coffee as well as two bottles of milk. She plopped her ass into one of the chairs, opened her own bag of doughnuts, pulled out a chocolate frosted one, bit into it, and said, "Speak."

Hope sat timidly down across from her friend and hunting partner. Their dynamic hadn't changed much since Hope's newly acquired wings, but she knew it would take some convincing to talk Kris into her latest scheme. Hope pulled her feet up into the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees as she held her coffee. "So…"

"Uh-oh," Krissy interrupted.

Hope shot her a glare. "Can I talk or what?"

Krissy's eyebrow popped up, but she gave Hope the 'go ahead' motion with her hand.

Hope sighed. "I want to fix something. Something Dad wanted to do, but couldn't."

Krissy's brows knit. "What are you talking about?"

"Kevin Tran."

"What about him?" Hope knew Krissy knew who Kevin was. Sam talked about him on occasion, and it hurt Hope to hear the pain in her uncle's voice whenever he did.

"I want to get him back to his body."

Kris chewed thoughtfully on her doughnut before she said, "I thought Dean gave him a hunter's funeral. That means no body."

"I'm an angel. Just under an archangel. I should be able to bring him back."

"To life."

Hope bit her lip. "Yeah."

The room was silent for a moment as Krissy processed this new development. Finally, she said, "Wait. You're serious."

"As a heart attack."

"You want to bring Kevin Tran back to life? In his body and everything? After he's been dead how many years?"

"Four or five?"

Krissy sighed. "Hope, look, I know you've got some serious power, but you're still learning how to wield it. I mean, you just got finished telling me yesterday how you don't feel like a full-fledged angel yet." Krissy paused and licked her lips nervously. "I mean…what if this puts too much strain on you? Angels _do _die. You aren't invincible!"

"I know!" Hope stated irritably. She took a breath. "I know I'm not omnipotent, Kris, but I feel like…Dad always hated that Kevin died. He blamed himself. And Uncle Sam feels responsible even though it was the angel riding him that did it." She paused, and her voice was softer as she added, "An angel did it. One of my brethren did this, Kris. I just…I want to make it right."

"Hope…sometimes you can't fix everything. Some things can't be fixed."

"But this can be!"

The two glared at one another a moment, neither blinking nor moving. Finally, Kris closed her eyes and shook her head. "You really think you could do this?"

"I've healed you, I've healed myself, I can do this."

"Healing a cut, patching up a bullet wound isn't the same thing," Kris said of their last adventure. "Besides, that was just yesterday. I almost died and you saved me. Aren't you, like, exhausted?"

Hope was tired, but she hadn't been sleeping well. Dreams had plagued her recently, dreams she couldn't figure out, and couldn't remember the next morning. She knew, eventually, she would cease sleeping entirely, but for now, she was enjoying this little bit of humanity she had left. After all, her body was still growing and developing. "I'm fine, Kris. Please? Let me do this."

Kris glowered at her. "Do you even know where Kevin is? Last time I checked, ghosts didn't have permanent addresses."

Hope smirked. "Actually, he does. He's got a ring tethering him to this world. His mother has it."

"Okay, I'll bite. Where does his mother live?"

"Near enough to the bunker to get there quickly, but far enough away she doesn't have to see Sam. Somewhere in Illinois."

"And you know where exactly?"

Hope nodded slowly. "I, uh, I've gone on recon missions a few times while you've slept…"

"You mean you flew up there and spied on them."

"Technically?"

Krissy sighed. "Alright. But I'm talking. You tend to go 'Bad Cop' more often than not. No need to force Mrs. Tran or Kevin into anything."

"I'm offering to bring her son back from the dead. Pretty damn sure she'll want to hear what I have to say."

Krissy downed the rest of her coffee, shoved the rest of her doughnut in her face, and stood. "I'm gonna finish getting ready. You pack the car."

"That's it? No more lip than that?"

Krissy just looked at her. "I've known you long enough to know when your mind is made up, I can't do a damn thing to change it."

Hope smiled. "Thanks, Kris."

"Don't thank me, yet. I still say this is a fool's mission. If this thing goes sideways…"

"It won't."

Kris was silent a moment before Hope heard her whisper, "I hope not…"

Kris pulled the jeep up to the curb of Mrs. Tran's house. "So, know what you're going to say?" she asked Hope conversationally as they peered at the house.

Hope swallowed hard. Now that they were actually _here_, she wasn't sure what she was going to do. She licked her lips nervously and shook her head.

"Nice," Krissy muttered sarcastically as she turned the engine off. She glanced at Hope. "It's not too late. We can just turn around and…"

"No," Hope stated as she opened the door and swung her leg out. She glanced down at her clothes. She had on a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt and her good boots. She wanted to make a good impression, which was stupid. It wasn't like Mrs. Tran didn't know who her father was. She stood tall with her shoulders back and walked around the front of the jeep. "You coming with?"

Krissy sighed, but nodded as she, too, stepped from the vehicle. They walked together to the door and Hope reached a shaking hand out to ring the doorbell.

They heard a polite, "Just a moment," before the door was opened and Hope got her first glance at Mrs. Linda Tran. "Can I help you?"

Suddenly, all thought left Hope. All of a sudden, she wasn't a millennia old angel, hell, she wasn't even the grown up she pretended she was. She froze.

Luckily, Krissy was a good partner and said, "Mrs. Tran?"

"Yes."

Krissy held out a card. "Hello. I'm from the Aniston Gazette and we wondered…" just then, both were sprayed with holy water.

The cold water seemed to spring Hope into action. As the door was closing, she said, "Wait! I'm Dean Winchester's kid!"

The door stopped almost closed. "He doesn't have any children!"

"That he knows of," Hope shot back.

The door opened a crack more and Mrs. Tran looked back at her with narrowed eyes. "Maybe. You look similar to him, but your hair and eyes don't match his, though."

Hope smiled. "I got my mom's hair and eyes. But I got his freckles…"

"His nose, too," she heard a male voice say. "Mom, it's okay."

"Kevin…"

"Let them in, Mom. If Dean sent them, or someone else…"

"What else can they take from you?! You're a ghost, Kevin!"

Hope heard him sigh and she felt for the guy. Mrs. Tran's narrowed eyes stayed on her as she opened the door wide for them both to enter.

"Think fast," Kevin stated as he tossed dishtowels at the two girls. Both caught them deftly and he smiled. "Guess you two are hunters? Do I want to know how Dean has a kid your age?"

Hope's lip quirked. "Well, Kevin, see, when two people are carnally attracted to each other…"

"Hush!" Mrs. Tran said, but Hope could see a small smile on her face. "None of that talk!" She glanced at Krissy. "Are you his kid, too?"

"God, no. Nope. No Winchester in me…"

_But you'd like _a _Winchester in you, _Hope thought with another smirk. She had noticed Krissy's comments to Ben getting more…interesting. She wouldn't have been surprised if the two had spent more time together if something didn't develop. Of course, they treated each other like enemies half the time, all snark and sarcasm, but then, Hope knew Ben could rub people the wrong way on occasion. He was enough like her, like their dad, not to.

"But he does have other kids," Hope commented softly.

Mrs. Tran's eyebrows shot up. "Well, that is interesting. We have heard quite a few things. Sam calls, occasionally, keeps us updated…" She paused, then asked, "Why are you here?"

Hope sighed and glanced at Kevin. "Can we talk?"

"About what?" he asked.

She smiled all of a sudden. "You know, it's funny…usually when I talk to ghosts, it's to tell them their time is up."

"It isn't…is it?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It is. Say goodbye to the veil, Kevin. I'm bringing you back home."

"How?"

Her eyes flashed angel blue. "I've got a few tricks up my sleeve…"

Hope was just finishing the ritual when Castiel dropped in and called out, "Hope! No!" but it was too late and Kevin Tran was sitting on his couch, alive and well. Hope slumped and Cas snatched her up as she collapsed, blood dripping from her nose.

"Hope!?" Krissy shouted.

"M'fine," she slurred as she tried to shove Castiel away from her.

"Damn it, Hope! You idiot!" he exclaimed.

"What're you going on about?" she managed as she extracted herself from his grasp.

"There is a no miracles clause for all angels, damn it! And I can't…" just then, light lit the whole room and she could hear the angels screaming her name as Kevin, Mrs. Tran, and Krissy all covered their ears. "…do anything about it," Cas finished on a sigh. "You're your father's daughter, aren't you? Going off and doing things you aren't supposed to! Damn the consequences!"

"I had to, Cas! I had to do something!" she cried in response.

Just then, the door blew open and two angels came in and grabbed her forcefully as a third slashed something into her wrist. She cried out in pain.

"Brothers, sister, is this necessary?" Cas began.

"This is out of your control, Castiel. She must face her consequences, be she part of the prophecies or not." The angel looked over at the three humans sitting there and sniffed. "She will not be excused simply because she resurrected the prophet. Come. She must face her trial."

"Trial?" Kris began, but Cas just shook his head and looked at Hope as his voice whispered in her mind; "_Hope, I will go get your mother. We will go to Heaven. We will…_"

"_What, Cas_?" she responded softly back to him within her mind as fire burned in her eyes. "I don't regret it," she stated aloud.

"An admission of guilt? Good. That shall make the sentencing process much easier. Come," the angel said as Hope felt herself being lifted heavenward.

She blinked and she was back in Heaven. It was funny, she hadn't been there in an eternity or two, yet, it still felt like home. Her wings fluttered behind her unbidden and she shivered as she found herself in a cell. "Wait! What…?"

"Until your trial, you shall stay here," the angel stated before walking away.

She glanced around at the cold, lonely cell before she perched on the stone floor, pulled her knees up to her chest, and laid her head on them. Her head was splitting and she felt close to passing out. Suddenly, consciousness didn't sound like such a great idea…

She could have sworn she heard her mother's voice, but that wasn't right, was it? If so, her mother was giving hell to someone. She stirred and found herself lying on the stone floor of the cell and her mother _was _shouting.

"She's passed the fuck out! I need to get in there! She could be dying for all you know…!"

"Mrs. Winchester, she is fine. She is an angel. Were she in any danger of dying, we would have repaired her…"

"No, so you'd rather she just bleed out? That her vessel be damaged beyond repair? Is that it?!"

"Mom," Hope groaned softly. She sniffed and gagged at the taste of blood in her mouth. She moved her arm and winced as pain radiated through her wrist. She glanced down at the Enochian symbol in surprise. It was one she had never seen before. That never bode well.

"Hope!" Ryan cried from the other side of the cell door. Hope stood weakly and made her way holding onto the wall until she was standing before her mom, who placed a gentle hand on her face. "Are you alright, sweetie?"

"Peachy," came her slightly bitter response. She blinked again and saw Castiel standing by her mother's side. "Cas?"

He was stone-faced as he crossed his arms. "You are in quite a lot of trouble, Hope."

"Why?"

"Resurrection is forbidden!"

"You brought Mom back from Heaven when she died giving birth to Jon!"

"Your mother was on a specific list!" he shouted back.

"And…what? Kevin's toast because he's not on some cosmic list? Come on, Cas! He deserves to live! He gave and gave and fucking gave some more! He deserves to be alive! He deserves to live, man!"

Cas let out a growl and ran his hands through his hair. "Is this you, or is this Dean?" he asked Ryan.

Ryan smirked despite the sorrow in her eyes. "Well, I think you know the answer to that."

"I'm my own person, Castiel!" Hope shouted. "I can easily make up my own mind! I'm an angel, you ass!"

His lip quirked, but he remained quiet a moment longer. Finally, he sighed. "Hope, there are consequences now, no matter what."

"But…I'm a Virtue. I'm the angel, Hope. I'm stronger than all of you…"

"Just because you are stronger, that does not give you the right to flout our rules. We have created these regulations for a reason, Hope, one you must adhere to."

"And Gabriel? When he grows into his grace and matures?"

"Gabriel is tainted now, Hope. You know this. He will not be allowed in…"

"So, what, that's it? I just…what's this mean, Cas?"

They all turned to the sound of a large lock being turned and Cas sighed as the guard of eight angels came down. "We will escort the prisoner to the court," the angel informed them.

Cas grabbed Ryan's hand and pulled her aside as Hope's cell door was opened and she was led down the hall. Suddenly she smirked. "Thanks, fellas. I feel a bit like Princess Leia."

"I wouldn't recommend trying anything, Hope," one of the guards said. "We have been warned that you have been trained in The Winchester Way as well as trained by our brother, Gabriel, before your current vessel."

She inclined her head. "Yes. I have."

"Do not attempt to run. It will only end badly for you."

She had contemplated escape, but she didn't know what wrath might befall her family. That was the only thing keeping her from getting the hell away from there. She turned around and put her hands behind her back for them to be put in irons. Her hands were shackled as well as her ankles and she was led along down the corridor. She could feel the Enochian markings slowly zapping her of what little power she had left and she felt a moment's panic. These handcuffs were similar to the ones they had in The Bunker's dungeon, ones that had the devil's trap on them, only these were meant to weaken _her_.

She didn't like it. She felt her heart start to race, but she looked behind her and saw her mother holding Castiel's hand, both of them whispering quietly and she took a deep breath. _Everything will be okay. Cas is in your corner…Mom's in your corner…it's okay. It's okay, it's okay. _She could only hope repeating the mantra would make it so.

She was led down dozens of corridors before finally they arrived at a gilded door. She snorted involuntarily and rolled her eyes. "Ya'll sure are tacky around here, aren't you?"

"Hope!" Ryan hissed.

Hope turned in the direction of her mother's voice and winked. "Fact is fact, Mom."

"Hope, it would be best if you remained quiet and did not shoot your mouth off. This is a very serious offense," Cas reminded her gently.

She shrugged and sighed. "I figure it's about time I came up here and paid my dues. I fell, remember? I'm sure Gabriel will get his, too, eventually." She stood a bit taller as the doors opened and she was escorted in.

The room looked quite similar to every courtroom she'd ever seen on TV except it was inlaid in white wood with goldleaf adorning everything. Thankfully, there were no pictures of angels being tortured or of hellfire and damnation, but it was still distasteful in her opinion. Of course, her opinion didn't mean squat to this group, did it? She had the feeling her taste in music and clothing alone would make her different from these other bozos.

There was a panel assembled of nine angels. She noticed Cas giving her mother's hand one more squeeze before he made his way to the vacant center seat. When he was situated, his voice boomed; "Hope Deanna Winchester, vessel of and one with the Virtue, Hope, you are brought before this panel in regards to your recent transgression. You are brought up on charges of the miracle of resurrection of the prophet, Kevin Tran. How do you plead?"

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She cleared her throat and tried again, "Guilty," she managed softly.

The angel on Castiel's right, in a female vessel, looked at her. "You admit your guilt?" she asked. "Why?"

Hope shrugged. "I did it. Cas caught me in the act. You all caught me in the act. Might as well fess up to it now."

"And do you believe, because you are part of The Righteous Man's prophecies, you will get off scot free?" another asked her.

Hope blinked and her eyebrows furrowed. "Of course not. I…I didn't know it was against the rules. No one informed me we had rules and regulations now."

There were some murmurings in the panel and an angel in a male vessel spoke up; "You were not aware of these rules? Were you not brought here by your superior to be informed of the rules we now have in place?"

She winced. She didn't want to get Cas in trouble, but what could she say? "No." At the panel's continued murmurings, she amended, "But I've been busy! I'm hunting full time now, and then I'm working on building up my grace and…"

"This does not excuse him. We must deal with him as well."

Cas looked down at her. "Hope, were you not in contact with David?"

At that, she looked at him in confusion. "David who?"

Castiel sighed. "David is one of our angels. He is supposed to be assisting you in your grace. You have never met him?"

She shook her head. "I have never met an angel named David." It was true. She had never come into contact with one.

Castiel rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Surely the panel can see, if she is not in the know about our rules and regulations…"

"That does not excuse her, Castiel," said a grave voice. Hope zeroed in on the weathered female face of another of the panel members. Her hawk-like eyes turned to Hope and seemed to pierce directly into her flesh. "Hope, had you been aware of the rules, would you still have proceeded to resurrect the prophet?"

She knew she should lie. Hell, her mom was probably hoping and praying she would, but not only was she was too much Dean Winchester's kid for that, she was Dionysus. She was Hope. She didn't like authority and had bucked it in every instance of her life. "Yes," she stated defiantly. "Yes, I would have gone against the Heavenly authority and resurrected him anyway."

At the panel's murmurings, she continued; "He should never have died. He was to be protected by Heaven and we _all _failed him! He trusted someone and that trust was misused and it led to his death. My father-"

Her voice cracked, so she cleared her throat and continued, "My human father had a set of ethics he believed in. He trusted an angel, and it led to Kevin's death. There was nothing, _nothing _Dean Winchester wouldn't have done to have gotten Kevin back. For Kevin. For Kevin's Mom, hell, even for Dean himself, he would have done it, because he_ knew _it was wrong that Kevin died. Kevin died because of Metatron and his stupid ploy for power. All of you were so busy fighting, you forgot to protect someone that needed protecting the most! Sure, the Winchesters were there, but they were only human. You all had your heads so far up your own asses, you couldn't see the light of day!"

"Order!" one of them shouted, but Hope was on a roll.

"You can mark me, strip me of my power, cast me out, I don't care. I did what was _right _and I did what all of ya'll should have done! None of you were powerful enough? Well, did it never occur to you to try and find a way? Maybe it would take two of you, or three, but if you melded your grace, you could have done it. So don't sit there acting all high and mighty, up here on your little clouds, looking down at the masses thinking you're doing such a great job, because you _aren't_! You failed the one person you were supposed to protect and I, for one, will not be a party to such utter incompetence!"

There was silence in the room for a moment before Castiel inquired softly, "Are you finished with your rant, Hope?"

She glared at him and if looks could kill, he more than likely would have been a pile of ashes left on his chair. She sucked in a breath and blew it out her nose as her nostrils flared. "One more thing," she growled as her eyes glowed. "Don't forget; I _am _powerful. I _am _stronger than all of you. And if I wanted, I could destroy everything." She smiled. "But I won't, because I'm a good girl."

She didn't miss Castiel's slight eye roll before he nodded. "Brothers and sisters, as you can see, she is quite passionate about her decision. Now, I do realize she did not do as was law, however, she was unaware. She is guilty, but with circumstances."

"Castiel, you can not seriously believe she should get away with this," another of the angels began. "She admitted she would have done it, even if she had known the rules. Just because she is one of your pets…"

Hope's feathers ruffled slightly in indignation. She would be damned if she was anyone's _pet. _

"Peace, brother," Cas stated. "I am merely suggesting she not be punished quite as severely as we would others. She _is _vital to the prophecies. I realize she is…impetuous, but she is much like a fledgling. She has her memories, yes, but she has lived her past life in debauchery and hedonism for so long, she can barely remember a time when she was truly one of the heavenly host. Does that excuse her? Certainly not. But leeway should be given."

Hope had the desire to spill some of Castiel's hedonistic acts but she held it in as the angels began murmuring again. Hope rolled her eyes as she looked up at the artwork on the ceiling. It depicted her with her sisters, Faith and Love, and her heart ached as she saw their faces, their true faces, smiling down at her. She remembered when the painting had been commissioned. They had all been so young, just fledglings themselves. She realized that while she had little in common with their persons, she missed them.

The gavel falling startled her and she jumped before she paid attention. Castiel's face was pained as he said, "Hope Deanna Winchester, vessel of and one with the Virtue, Hope, you are hereby sentenced to live on Earth, as you are, until such time as your twenty-fifth human birthday, when you will return and live here, with us, permanently."

She opened her mouth to argue, but Cas shook his head minutely and she remained quiet as he continued speaking. "You are marked now, with an Enochian symbol reducing your powers. This will be branded into your flesh, diminishing your grace until such time you are of age to return home. You will still have powers, but they will be greatly lessened." His voice was grave as he added, "I pray you learn your lesson, or your next punishment will be much more severe, damn the prophecies." He hit the gavel again and she felt the shackles fall from her hands and ankles.

She rolled her shoulders and smiled. She saw Castiel coming up to her and her smile grew. "Hey, thanks, Cas. It could have been a lot worse…"

"I'm not done," he stated as he grasped her uninjured wrist and tugged her over to the fireplace in the corner she hadn't noticed before. She swallowed hard as she saw another angel turning something within the flames.

"Cas…?" she questioned lightly. He ran his hand over her wrist, healing it, and she blinked. "Thought I was supposed to be marked…?"

The angel pulled an iron out of the fire and Hope felt faint as she saw him pour something on it; holy oil, it was holy oil he poured on the iron before he put it back in the flames. When it came back out, it was alight. The angel handed it to Castiel, who ripped the top of her shirt to reveal her upper chest. "I'm sorry, Hope," he managed, and he did sound sorry. She felt strong arms clasp her, holding her hands down at her sides as Castiel thrust the iron on to her flesh, branding her with the sigil.

The pain…the pain was unbearable and she screamed until the burning, the hurt, the exhaustion, all of it coalesced and she fainted.

She awoke on her mother's couch to find Krissy holding ice to the burn seared into her skin and the sounds of an argument in full force in the kitchen. "Kris?"

Krissy smiled sadly. "Hey, kid. So…looks like we both fucked this one up, huh?"

Hope shrugged and winced as the pain radiated in her chest. She supposed it was poetic that the sigil was burned in the same spot as her father and uncle's anti-possession one. "This one's all on me, Kris. I swear. It's not your fault…"

"I'm your partner!" she hissed. "I'm supposed to talk you out of this kind of shit!"

"You couldn't and you know it. Did…is Kevin okay?"

Krissy nodded. "He's fine. I booked it back here when Cas said he was going to get your mom. I just got here and the argument, apparently, has been going on for a while. I feel sorry for Cas. I think he did the best he could…"

"He did," Hope groaned as she sat up. Her head swam for a moment but she shrugged off Krissy's hand. "I'm fine. I need to talk to them…" She stood and walked to the sound of the angry voices. Sam, Ryan, and Cas all looked like they wanted to kill each other. "Guys!" she shouted wearily. "Stop," she whispered. "Just…stop."

"Hopey! Oh, baby!" Ryan cooed as she ran over to hug her daughter tightly to her.

"Mom, I'm fine."

"Hope, are you alright?" Sam asked softly.

She smiled up at him. "Yeah, Uncle Sam. I'm good."

"Hope, you are fairing well?"

"She's be fairing _more _well if you hadn't burned that thing into her flesh!" Ryan shouted.

"Here we go," Sam murmured.

"Mom! Stop!" Hope sucked in a breath and blew it out. "You can't blame Cas for this. He did what was right." She hated to admit it, but he had been right. And maybe she couldn't handle this level of power yet. She still felt she had done right, though. "This one is all on me. I'm the one that…"

"You're damn right this is on you, Hope Deanna. I can't believe you would be so reckless! To go out there and resurrect Kevin, not knowing if it would have killed you or not! Hope, you're important. Not only to this family, but to…everything. You can't just go out and play it so fast and loose with your life!"

"Like Dad?" Hope stated accusatorily. "Like Uncle Sam? Like you? Wake up and smell the familial bonds, Mom! That's who we _are_! And I did this, and I'll pay for it, but I did the right thing! I'm…I'm not just some angel. This is who I was before, this is who I am now. And, yeah, maybe if I had been raised by someone else, I wouldn't have done it, but I did, because I'm _your _daughter and I'm _his _daughter and I'm Sam's niece! It's the fucking Winchester Way and I'm not ashamed of that!"

Ryan took in a stuttering breath. "Hope, I realize that, I really do. But…I'm your mom here, okay? I'm the one that birthed you and loved you from the moment I knew about you. Can't you see, I can't imagine life without you? If you died…"

"I didn't, Mom."

"But you could have!" Ryan pinched the bridge of her nose, and when she looked up, Hope hated seeing the tears in her mother's eyes. "You could have died, Hope. Cas said. If you had exhausted much more of your powers, it could have killed you, your human body. And then…what would have happened? You yourself admitted you're more tightly attached to your vessel than the average angel. If your body dies, _you _might die. I would love you no matter what vessel you were in, Hope, but don't you get it? If you _died_ I couldn't have stood it."

"Mom…" her voice cracked and Ryan opened her arms moments before Hope flung herself into them. "I'm sorry, Mom."

She felt Ryan's hand rubbing her hair and heard her shushing her. "I know, baby, I know."

"I don't regret it," Hope stated softly.

She felt Ryan chuckle. "You wouldn't be your fathers if you did."

Hope pulled away and looked at her mom. "I love you, Mom."

Ryan smiled. "I love you, too, but this doesn't mean you're off the hook. We've discussed this. I know you had thought about going and doing this before. We had discussed waiting, seeing if you were strong enough, but you went ahead and did it anyway. For that, for the abuse of my trust, I'm going to have to punish you."

Hope winced. "Isn't being branded enough for one day?"

Ryan shook her head. "I would do this if you were any hunter, not just my daughter. No hunts. For a few months, at least. You and Kris both will be pulled from duty. You'll be relegated to research, helping the boys if they need it, and learning. I think it's about time the two of you enrolled in college for a class or two."

"Mom…"

"No buts, young lady."

Hope winced, but looked over at Krissy, who was smiling and nodding. They could do this. "I did want to do some studying on mythology and theology…" Hope began.

Ryan nodded. "Good. So, hunting goes on the back burner. You'll only be sent out if it's an emergency. And it won't be. Sam and I will go in your stead and you two will be in charge of the little boys."

Hope just barely held in a groan, but she nodded. "That sounds…very fair."

Ryan turned to Cas. "I'm…I'm sorry, Cas."

He held up both hands. "You are Mama Bear, are you not? Protecting your young? I accept your apology and I, too, apologize. I do wish I could have resolved this differently."

"Hey, Cas, who is this David guy?" Hope wanted to know.

Castiel's face was grave. "Someone I intend to ram through with an angel blade for his insubordination."

Hope shook her head. "No. Go find him, and then, we'll sit down together and talk. He obviously has a problem." Suddenly, she paled. "You don't think a demon or another monster got him, do you? If he was supposed to come down here, to earth, and he wasn't very well versed in fighting…"

Cas nodded. "Very well. I will look into it and get back with you. Until then, I trust your mother will look after you." With a flurry of feathers, he was gone.

Hope sighed. "So, I know I probably need to go to the bunker, but…any chance I can go get some more sleep?"

Ryan nodded. "I think that would be fine. The boys are training with Tory and Andy. They'll be home in a few hours. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see their big sissy home."

Hope smiled. She had missed the two little boogers. "Okay. I'll just go get some rest."

Ryan pulled her to her for one more hug. "I love you, kiddo."

Hope hugged her tightly. "I love you, too."

* * *

**August Thirty-First**

**Ryan POV**

Ryan smirked as she walked into the boys' room. Today was a big day and they didn't even know it. She and Sam had talked last night and Bobby was about to have one hell of an adventure. "Rise and shine, cupcakes!" she called with a smile as she walked over to pull the covers off Bobby. She glanced over at Jon, who popped his head out from the blankets.

At almost four, Jon was getting so tall, he was starting to catch up to Bobby, who at seven, was only about a head taller than his brother. "Morning, Mommy!" Jon shouted as he leapt from the covers to give Ryan a bruising hug. She snuggled him tightly to her and kissed his hair. "Good morning, my sweet prince."

Bobby, however, was enough like his mom and his sister to be less than thrilled with being woken up. "Five more minutes?" he asked as he burrowed under the pillow.

Ryan's eyebrow shot up and she waggled it at Jon, who nodded. He put his finger to his mouth and Ryan nuzzled his neck and kissed his cheek one more time. "Ready?" she whispered into his ear.

He nodded again and she tossed him onto Bobby as he called out, "Wise and shine, Bobby!"

Bobby groaned, but turned over to peer at his brother. "Bro, so not cool."

"Come on, lazybones. You've got a full day. School is back in session," Ryan told him as she bent and brushed the hair out of his eyes. It was getting long. It would soon be time for a haircut.

"School…meaning…?"

She nodded. She hadn't been thrilled, but when the vengeful spirit came up a few towns over, Sam had talked her into letting him take Bobby along. He was seven, yes, but he was growing into his angel grace. He was also starting to remember a few things about his time as Gabriel. "Sam's taking you shooting today. I believe you're heading out of town…"

"YES!" he shouted as he jumped up onto his bed and began bouncing. Jon, who wasn't one to let Bobby do anything alone, quickly jumped with him.

Ryan watched the two in amusement before she said, "Alright, alright, get dressed you little monsters. I'll get breakfast started."

"Muffins?" Bobby asked hopefully as he stopped jumping and looked at his mother.

Her eyebrow rose.

"Please? The ones with the sugar on top?"

She looked into his hazel eyes and sighed. She was a sucker for her kids. She only told them 'no' when she had to. "Okay, but you have to eat a piece of fruit with it and some eggs."

He nodded solemnly. "Yes ma'am."

She smiled. "Okay. I'll go get them started." She picked up their laundry basket, silently lamenting the sheer amount of clothes the boys went through, and walked out, shutting the door behind her, but not before hearing the boys giggling again.

She passed Sam in the hall. He cocked his head and listened a moment before he smiled. "I take it you told him the news?"

She shook her head. "Not all of it. Just that you were going out of town."

"We're doing the right thing here, Ryan."

She sighed. "I know. You're right."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "It'll all work out. I promise."

"Famous last words," she stated softly, but she smiled at him. "How hard was it sleeping by yourself last night?" she teased. Tory and Andy had gone off on a hunt as well. There had been a small uprising of demons in north western Ohio. Cas was going to meet them there. She had wanted to go, but Cas had talked her out of it. There was a possibility he might have to get Dean involved. He had requested Sam and Ryan both stay out of it, just in case.

"Harder than you'd think," he replied with a smile.

Ryan smirked. "Well, at least you got some phone sex out of it, right?"

"How did you…?"

She laughed out loud. "I didn't. But now I do…" she sing-songed as she walked down the stairs. She took the load of boy's clothes and put them on to wash and tossed a load of towels into the dryer. Laundry was the never-ending story in their house, it seemed.

Jesse emerged from the basement just as she walked past their door to head into the kitchen. He and Ben were home for a few days and he was planning on working with Jon some on his powers while Bobby was gone.

It had been six months since Hope had been branded and stripped of her powers, and finally, Ryan and Sam had released her and Kris from probation. They were off on a hunt, looking for a kitsune. Sam was afraid it was his old friend, Amy's, son, who would have been old enough now to hunt. He had made Hope and Krissy swear to handle things a bit better than Dean would have. What that meant, Ryan wasn't sure.

"Morning, Ryan," Jesse stated softly.

She smiled as he followed her into the kitchen. "Good morning, Jess. How are you?"

"Glad to be home," he said as he snagged a banana.

Her grin grew as she started getting out the ingredients for the muffins. She loved the fact he called her house 'home'. "Well, we're glad to have you back. We missed you."

He smiled as he moved to make the coffee. In her house, everyone pitched in without question. You saw something that needed done, you did it. "How's Hope and Kris? They're on a hunt, right?"

She nodded. "Kitsune."

"They got their silver knives all sharpened?"

She chuckled as she measured out the milk. "Of course. Sam's concerned."

Jesse's eyes lit to hers. "Why?"

"Well, for one, he thinks it's a male. For two, if it's the male Sam thinks it is, he's got a grudge against Dean."

"Should Ben and I…?"

She sat down the measuring cup and shook her head. "Hope and Krissy can handle themselves." She pursed her lips. "As long as Hope doesn't channel her father, in any case."

Jesse let out a snort. "Fat chance of that happening."

Ryan smiled. "She is Dean's, that's for damn sure."

Jesse was silent as she continued making the batter and poured it into the muffin tins. "Do you think they'll be okay? I mean, Hope's not working at full angel capacity…"

Ryan shook her head. "No, but she's a hunter, Jess. She'll be fine. You know Sam and I wouldn't send her out if she wasn't. Truthfully, these past six months, she's gotten even more in tune to her physicality. She's been working out like a hellhound is on her ass. She's as fit as I've ever seen her. This might be the best thing for her, from a hunting standpoint, anyway. I think, as Bobby gets older, we may have to train him in a similar fashion. Sam's been working with him to understand he can't always have his angel mojo and he needs a backup plan."

Jesse nodded. "That's good. I just…no offense or anything, but they're girls, you know?"

She didn't take offense. Jesse, Ben, they both had an innate sense of protectiveness over not only their family, but of women in general. There were too many women in the world that couldn't protect themselves. She just bit the inside of her cheek so she didn't smile as she inclined her head. "I respect and appreciate your concern over them, Jess."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and walked over to the iPod dock to turn on Ryan's tunes. At that, she did smile. No one could handle the quiet. Not anymore. They always needed music going. Her eyes closed automatically as Sam Smith's "Stay With Me" came on. She loved that song. It was raw sex and hurt and pain and was one of her favorites to come out of the past ten years. To her surprise, he turned it quickly to the next song, which was one of Hope's favorite Led Zepp songs. That one, too, was switched and he finally settled on AC/DC just as Ben walked in.

"Right on, man. Good choice."

Ryan's brows quirked as she looked at Jesse's form. He was still turned to the iPod dock. She could see the slight slump of his broad shoulders and she wondered what was going on with him. Jesse was a quiet guy, always had been. He didn't look much different from when she had found him a few years ago. The biggest difference was he had taken out his piercings so he looked more 'presentable' when he and Ben had to play the part of the FBI agents. She hated he had to give up that bit of his individuality, but it hadn't seemed to bother him too much. He was still asserting his uniqueness though. His hair had grown out to about the same length as Sam's and he had gotten more than a few tattoos to add to his Men of Letters ink. Of course, to Ryan, he was always his own person, one she loved, very much. Just as she loved all her kids.

"Good morning, Ben," she stated warmly as she put her concern for Jesse on the back burner. Maybe she could get what was bothering him out of him, or maybe Ben could. She hoped he was talking to Ben. She knew the two were thick as thieves. "You geared for Bobby's salt-and-burn?"

Ben grinned. "Are you kidding? A chance to take my little brother on his first hunt? Hell yes." He paused. "Don't you want to go instead?"

She shook her head. "Nah. This is a guy thing. Ya'll need to go, talk about women, drink beer, well, Bobby doesn't, but the rest…go, show him what it's like to be a man."

At that, Jesse snorted. "Don't let him at the skin mags, man, he isn't old enough for that."

"Douche," Ben sneered.

"Asswipe," Jesse replied with a smile.

Ryan giggled at them as she tossed Ben an apple. He caught it deftly. "Thanks, Mama Bear."

She winked at him before she put the muffins in the oven and set the timer. "How you want your eggs, boys?"

Both boys shrugged. "You know we can do that, Ryan," Jesse began.

"You have taught us how to fend for ourselves."

At that, her smile grew. "I know, boys, but let me take care of you guys, okay?"

"We just wanted to make sure we realize your place is not in the kitchen…" Ben started.

"…But out there, kicking ass and taking names," Jesse finished.

She was touched. "Ya'll are too good to me. But some days I like being a girl and cooking. Well, most days, actually."

"Okay, as long as you realize we're feminists."

She snorted. "I'm pretty damn sure you two couldn't help but to be feminists surrounded by this many kickass women."

"True," Jesse conceded.

Just then, the whirlwind of the two little boys tumbled down the staircase and most conversation ceased.

She somehow managed to get Bobby, Sam, and Ben out the door after breakfast and she surveyed the mess left in the kitchen. "What help?" Jesse offered.

She shook her head. "Nah, let Jon go outside in the backyard and you can work with him for a few minutes. We can stay around the house unless you just want to go to the bunker."

He smiled. "If we're outside, we can play with the elements. That sounds promising."

"Then go for it," she told him as she walked to hand Jon a napkin. The boy loved strawberries and they were all over his face. "Clean up, Jonny-Cake and you can go outside and work on your powers with Jesse, okay?"

"Yay! Otay, Mommy!" He wiped his hands and face as best he could before he picked up his plate, ran it to the sink, then ran out the door.

"You'd better hurry…" Ryan warned.

Jesse's eyes widened and he dashed out the door. Ryan chuckled as she walked over to the sink and cranked her music up a bit before she opened the dishwasher. She got into the cleaning. She often found doing anything in her kitchen therapeutic, even loading the dishwasher. She hummed along to one of her favorite songs by The Frey and she couldn't help singing out loud. "You found me, you found me…" as she wiped down the table and island.

She was washing the skillet when she heard Jesse yell, "Jon! No!" and she glanced out the window in time to see Jon topple from rather high up in the pine tree in the back yard. She moved without realizing it and was out in the yard almost before she blinked and she screamed.

Jon's little body was lying unmoving on the ground. "Jon!" she cried and Jesse grabbed her before she could go to her little boy.

"Ryan, no," he was saying.

She shoved him away with the demon power as well as her body's strength so powerfully, he was shoved back to the wall of the house. "NO! Jon!" she screamed as she ran over to him. "CAS!" she screamed as she fell to her knees. His leg was bent underneath him at an odd angle and his neck was twisted wrong. She was sobbing as her shaking hand reached out to gently touch his face. It was all too evident; he wasn't breathing. Her baby. Her little baby… "Jon?" she asked softly. "Jon!" she screamed again as she began shaking his little body. "Come on, baby! Wake up! CAS!" she screamed once more and she felt strong arms physically lifting her away from her boy. "NO!" she cried. "LET ME GO!"

"No, Ryan," Castiel's voice spoke softly in her ear. "No, Ryan. You can't…you can't do anything."

"Cas! No! Fix him!"

"I can't, Ryan. I can't fix him."

"He's part of the prophecy! He's supposed to live, damn it!" she cried as she managed to turn in his arms and begin to beat on his chest with her fists. "He can't die! He has to live! He's a little baby, Cas!" Her voice caught on a sob. "He's my little baby…" she sank into Castiel's embrace and she felt his arms tighten around her. "My baby…Cas…"

"Ryan…" she heard Jesse say.

She turned and her eyes were fire as they narrowed at him. "YOU! You did this!" she shoved him back with the demon powers as they flowed through her. All she could see was black and red rage as her hands began twisting and moving, bending the powers within her. "You killed him!"

"Cas!" Jesse wheezed as Ryan cut off his air supply with a twist of her hand and she felt Castiel's angel grace flare around her, rendering her useless.

"He will live!" Cas shouted.

She stopped struggling. "Wh-what?"

"He will live. And if you give Jesse a moment to explain it, he will tell you what will happen next."

She sucked in a deep breath and looked at the young man now kneeling on the ground, sucking in great lungfuls of air. "Jesse…"

His eyes were watery as they met hers but he didn't speak.

"Jess…"

He stood and ignored her as he walked over to Jon, scooped him up, and took him into the house.

Her eyes widened and she ran after him. "Jess…what are you…?" she skidded to a stop as she saw him gently lay Jon's limp form on the couch, gently arranging his small limbs so he looked like he was merely taking a nap.

He turned and she could see the rage on his face as his powers whipped out of him and she felt herself being slammed against the wall. He rubbed his hands together and slowly walked over to her to point a finger in her face. "Look, Ryan, I get it. He's your kid. But if you think, for ONE FUCKING SECOND I would hurt him, that I would let him…" He turned away, ran his left hand through his hair and with a wave of his right, she felt his power release her.

She stared at his back once again and saw his shoulders slump in defeat once more. "Jesse, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have…I love you. I just…if it had been you lying on the ground, I would have done the same thing."

His voice was soft yet again as he said, "And that realization is the only reason I'm not pissed at you for thinking I could kill a boy that is just like my little brother." He turned then and ran a gentle hand over Jon's hair.

"But is he…what did Cas mean?" She glanced from Cas, who was standing in the doorway, back to Jesse.

Jesse blew out a breath. "I've died. Three times."

She gasped. "What?"

He nodded. "Once, I was attacked by a lion in Africa when I was twelve. Once, when I was fifteen, I was in a train derailment, and once, when I was in New York, shortly before you came for me."

"What happened then?"

His eyes briefly lit on the scars on her arms before his eyes met hers. "I think you can figure that one out for yourself."

Her heart broke anew. "You tried to kill yourself."

He nodded. "It didn't take, either. But, every time I die, I come back a little…less human."

"You mean…?"

He nodded. "My powers are stronger each time. I come back more demonic. Like it's slowly, over time, changing me. It's not a bad thing, I don't think. I've actually talked with Cas about this. So, while this is terrible, I know Jon will wake up, Ryan."

"You're sure. One hundred percent certain my baby will be fine?"

Jesse smiled softly as he touched the boy's cheek. "As much demon juice the kid has already flowing through him? Yeah. He'll wake up. Give him about an hour, maybe two, then he'll be back. I don't recommend killing him over and over, but he'll definitely live."

She sagged as her knees gave out and she landed in a chair Cas shoved over just in time. "I…I don't know what to say. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I told Cas," he stated softly. "And truthfully? I didn't want you to look at me like I was a monster."

"Jess…"

He held up a hand. "I knew, almost immediately, even before I heard some of your story, Ryan, that you didn't like demons. You have a kid that's one, you've got some of the mojo yourself, but still…it terrifies you. So, when I look at myself and know I'm tipping the scale to more demon than human…I didn't want you to realize I was one of the things you hate the most."

"Jesse…" she began as she stood, walked over, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you."

"I know," he breathed as he returned the hug. He cleared his throat. "I just…I didn't want…I don't know. I didn't figure it would be an issue for him until he hunted. Then I could tell him. This was stupid. I knew he shouldn't climb that high, but he wanted to see the abandoned bird nest in the tree. He just wanted to see if there was a part of an egg left in it. I knew there wasn't, not this time of year, but it couldn't hurt him just to look…I'm sorry, Ryan. Really, I am."

"And I'm sorry, Jesse. I shouldn't have…I almost killed you."

At that, he smirked. "Nah, you didn't. I can still fight you off, Ryan. I knew you needed to just…process."

"Still. I would never want you to think I don't love you, Jess. You're like my son, too. You know that, right?"

He nodded. "I do. And I know it would have been just like if he were my brother and I did let him get hurt. You would have been mad at me with good reason. It's cool, Ryan. Really."

"I still feel like shit."

"Enough to make me my favorite tex-mex casserole for dinner?" he asked hopefully.

She laughed though tears were pouring down her face. "Don't push your luck, buddy."

He smiled and held open his arms and she eagerly hugged him again. "I'm sorry," she whispered once more.

"Me too," he replied.

She pulled away and sniffled. "So…we sit and wait?"

Jesse looked at the little boy again. "Yes. We sit and wait. Cas, man, did you need to go back to the hunt, or…?"

It was the first time Ryan had actually looked, _really _looked, at the angel. His appearance was actually quite disheveled, much more so than from just wrestling with her. "Cas?"

He blushed slightly. "Uh, no, I'm fine."

Her eyebrow shot up as she put two and two together. "Did I seriously bother you in the middle of a booty call? Damn, Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was such a cock block."

He rubbed his neck nervously in a human gesture. "It is fine. Andy was asleep. The ladies were up all night doing research and, well…"

Ryan chortled. "Say no more. You can go on back…"

He shook his head. "I need to see Jon's resurrection so I can report it upstairs. This is quite an interesting development. I, of course, expected it since talking with Jesse, but still, I would like to see it firsthand."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "Be my guest. I need booze. Jesse?"

He shook his head. Ryan knew though he and Ben were both old enough, they didn't drink much. Jesse was afraid of his powers while under the influence, so he usually let Ben do all the drinking.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the liquor cabinet, grabbing the first bottle she found. It was the cheapest whiskey they had on hand. She didn't even bother getting a glass as she upended the bottle, swigging a violent sip. She sat the bottle down in time to see Castiel's form standing in the doorway. "You're lurking."

"How long have you known how powerful you are, Ryan?"

She turned to him and leaned against the countertop. "A little while."

"Your powers. They're growing."

She didn't respond. She didn't feel any different, hadn't, actually, but when she got angry, she could tell. She could feel something…ethereal sizzling in her blood. And outside, with Jesse, it had been more than an undercurrent; it had been bubbled to the surface.

"I have, as you would say, 'dropped the ball' on your situation, Ryan. I should have been trying harder to find a way to cleanse your soul."

She shrugged. "I'm fine, Cas."

"You are _not _fine, Ryan!" he snapped. He was standing in front of her face before she could blink. "Do you not realize?! This is dangerous! Damn it, Ryan, you could be damning yourself and you wouldn't even know it!"

"I'm fine, Cas!" she yelled back. She ran a hand through her hair and drank down another generous gulp. She sat the bottle down and sighed. "I'm fine, okay? I don't…I don't use it often, the power. Only when I have to. The first time, when those demons that tried to hurt Hope, then with Crowley, now this."

"Crowley?"

She quickly explained what they had done and what had happened but she paused as he began shaking his head. "You are an idiot. You displayed your talents to Crowley, of all people?"

"Yeah, but he won't remember it now that I hit him with the memory spell."

"The what?"

She sighed and told him about the memory spell she'd used, the one she had found in the MOL spell book.

"And you think this will work? That it will be good enough for a demon?"

She shrugged. "He already knew. It was the best I could do."

"Ryan…" he began in an irritated tone.

She hopped up on the counter and put her head in her hands before she scrubbed one over her face. "Look, Cas, I understand this…stain on my soul is bad. I know I've got the demon blood in me from Jon, and I know that it's probably partly, too, because of Dean, but I don't have it in me to care. My baby is dead out there on the couch. I can't…"

"We can't keep brushing this under the rug hoping someone won't see the lump. This is a big problem."

"I don't see you coming up with a solution," she snapped.

It was his turn to sigh as he threw his hands up in defeat. "There is only one way to purify you," he told her.

She blinked. "I thought you said…"

"I didn't realize this would be this big of a problem," he confessed.

"Well? What is it?"

His blue gaze pierced hers. "You begin the trials."

Her brows knit. "The…the trials?"

"The Hell Trials. Yes."

She gasped. "You mean…?"

He nodded. "I'm afraid so. It purified Sam of his demon blood. If you were to undergo at least a portion of the trials…"

"But I can't, Cas! We need for Jon…for Dean…"

"I know. It…complicates things."

"The trials kill whoever completes them."

"I realize that. You need not complete the trials, just start them. Truthfully, killing the hellhound alone and saying the spell may be enough. You will be sick. So very sick. But as long as we end it before you begin trying to cure a demon, you should recover."

"I thought Sam was almost dead before he even started that one."

"It changed him for quite some time. And it did almost kill him. But I believe you should be alright. We could, of course, have another angel on standby to facilitate your recovery…"

"I'm not keen on another possession, Cas," she admitted. "Gabriel was kind of a once-in-a-lifetime thing."

Again, he nodded. "I understand. But we are going to have to be proactive here, Ryan."

They were both silent a moment. She rubbed her eyes which felt like sandpaper. "Can we discuss this another day?"

"Yes. If you decide to do this, we will need to consult with Sam. Hopefully he will know what the spell was or remember it, even. Since Kevin no longer has the vision to read the tablets, we will have to go on memory. Also, I will consult with other angels to see if perhaps there is another way…"

She blew out a breath. "Okay. We'll…another day, yeah?"

He sighed. "Very well."

She glanced at him as he propped himself up against the counter as well. She passed him the bottle and he drank down a healthy dose. "This does nothing for me," he commented.

"But it's a human thing to do," she countered as she accepted the bottle back from him and swigged it again. She winched at the burn. "Say, you find that angel that was supposed to be helping Hope?"

"Yes. He was dead. Apparently he had gotten involved in a dispute with a rogue angel. His murderer has been dealt with. I told the panel I will be involved in Hope's training personally from now on, not that she needs it, really. She's just going to do her own damn thing anyway…"

Ryan laughed at that. "Yes, she will. And the sooner you and all your feathered friends realize that, the better off you'll be." She hopped down and walked back into the living room where Jesse was watching Jonathan's unmoving body. She ran her hands over her son's face before she went to sit by his feet on the sofa.

Two hours, three minutes, and forty-six seconds passed before Ryan saw Jon's chest rise and fall as life was breathed back into him. "Jon?" she asked as she leaned over him.

His eyes blinked open, first black, then back to emerald green. "Mama?"

"Oh, Jon!" she sobbed as she pulled him to her and hugged him for all she was worth. "Are you okay?" she asked when she managed to calm down enough.

"I gots boo-boos I fink," he told her.

She smiled as he showed her a scratch on his arm that was just beginning to heal. He was covered in scrapes and scratches, but they were all slowly knitting back together. "Yeah, you do, buddy."

"Cans I have ice cream? I hungry."

She sobbed out a laugh. "Yeah, buddy, I think we can get you some ice cream."

"He'll probably be starving," Jesse said softly from the corner where he was sitting in an arm chair.

She took a stuttering breath and stood as she swung Jon up on her hip. "Okay. Ice cream. Anything else?"

"A hot dog?" he asked hopefully.

She smiled and nuzzled his neck. "And a hot dog. Sure. I can handle that." She had a lot of stuff to think about, but today wasn't the time. She needed to look after her baby. That was first and foremost in her mind.

Later that evening, Sam came in carrying a sound asleep Bobby with Ben right on his heels. "How'd it go?" Ryan asked tiredly from the sofa. After she'd gotten Jon his ice cream and hot dog, all of her energy had been zapped. He had been tired, too. Finally, she'd put him down for a nap. Cas and Jesse were also sitting with her but their conversation had been thin across the wire as they waited for Sam to arrive back home.

"Fine. Gabriel made an appearance or two, busted my balls…nothing completely out of the realm of ordinary. But I have the feeling you don't want to hear me bitch about Gabriel. What'd I miss?"

Jesse sighed and stood. "Give me Bobby. I'll put him down. Then, Ben, you and I are going drinking at the bunker."

Ben smirked. "Well, I'm always game for that, but why?"

"It's been a hell of a day," Jesse told him as he gently took Bobby from Sam's arms. "He kill the ghost?"

Sam smiled. "Hell yes, he did. I let him strike the match. Ben and I dug the grave, but Bobby helped. He did great. Dean would…" His voice caught. "Dean would have been proud."

"He is not dead," Cas stated sharply. "He could be a part of these boys lives."

"Oh, here we go," Ryan groused as she threw her arms up. "For fuck's sake, Cas, I'm so damn tired of you today. Why don't you fly to heaven and leave me alone?"

She didn't miss Jesse's wince, nor Sam's look from her to Cas as he sat down in the easy chair. "Okay, so, shoot."

Ryan and Cas quickly informed him about their day and what transpired. Sam sat dumbfounded for a moment. "So…wait…Jon _died _today. And you didn't think to call me?"

Suddenly, Ryan's temper snapped. She was tired, worried about her boy, worried about herself, and just in general, pissy. "Well, ex_cuse _me, Sam! I was a little busy freaking out and I really didn't think this was something to discuss over the phone!"

"Why are you yelling at me?!"

"Because I can!" she shouted back.

They shot daggers at each other before Sam blew out a breath and his head fell back against the chair. "Crap. Is it friggin' Tuesday?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nope. I already checked the calendar. Twice."

"Great," Sam deadpanned. "So…there's nothing to blame for all this except…"

"Being a Winchester?" Cas supplied sincerely.

Sam snorted. "Welcome to the Winchester curse."

Just then, Bobby dashed back down the stairs. "Mom! Mom! Mom! Did Sam tell you? I ganked a ghost!"

Ryan smiled and opened her arms as the ball of energy crashed into her. "Yes, he did."

The boy's eyes narrowed as he took in the adults. "You okay?"

"Yeah, bud, just a weird day…"

His brows furrowed and he smirked. "Well, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Can we have tacos tonight?"

Sam's eyes narrowed now as he watched the boy. "Gabriel?"

The boy's eyes widened. "Huh?"

Sam shook his head. "Nothing."

"So? Can we? Tacos? But not fish tacos. They always taste funny. Don't you think they taste funny to you?"

Sam's eyes widened. "I TOLD you that's not funny!"

Bobby smirked and retorted. "Hey, I think I'm adorable."

Sam stood and towered over the little boy. "I'll _show _you adorable, buddy."

The boy just looked at his uncle. "Yeah? What'cha gonna do?"

Sam's hands fisted at his sides. "Look, Gabe, I'm sick of you making yourself known today, okay? I get it."

"And I get the fact you're older than me, okay! You're my boss for now! But not forever!"

"And you're still a damn kid, Gabe!" Sam ran his hands through his hair. "You're so damn stubborn!"

"Well, news flash! I always have been!"

"ALRIGHT, ENOUGH!" Ryan shouted as she jumped up to stand between them. She knew Gabriel could hold Sam off, and she didn't actually think Sam would try to beat up on a boy that was a quarter of his height, but still, she felt the need to separate them. "Neutral corners. Now."

They stepped two steps away from each other. Ryan sighed and rubbed her temples. "Put your wee-wee's away for heaven's sake! This is _not _a pissing contest. Gabriel, you're a child now. I don't care how many memories surface, you're still a kid. Get over it." She rounded on Sam. "And Sam, last time I checked, YOU were the adult. Start acting like it!" She blew out a breath. "I need another damn drink. No wonder Dean was an alcoholic. Imagine if he'd had to live with you all," she muttered as she sank back into the recesses of the couch and put the pillow under her neck as she rubbed the side of her face. Her headache, which had been brewing ever since she'd used those damn demon powers on Jesse, was roaring now.

Sam glanced over at Bobby and they both smiled softly at each other. "Sorry, Uncle Sam. I remember some stuff, but not everything."

Sam knelt down and pulled the boy to him for a hug. "Sorry, Gabriel. It's tough, man. You tortured me."

"I thought I was doing the right thing."

Sam snorted. "And here is a prime example of how you're perfectly matched with the Winchesters."

"I like being a Winchester."

"Good. Because most of the time, I like you being one."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Men," she muttered. "I'll make tacos in a little while. You were asleep. What happened?"

"I heard shouting."

Ryan winced. "Sorry, bud. Go upstairs, check on Jon. He had a rough day, too. Maybe he can tell you about it."

Bobby nodded. "Okay. We'll play."

The adults watched him go as he sang "Back in Time" at the top of his lungs and Ryan noticed a realization cross Castiel's face. "What are you thinking about, Cas?"

Cas blinked once, twice, then shrugged. "Nothing. I just finally understood the importance of 'protection'. I will be sharing this information with Victoria the next time I see her."

Ryan chuckled. "I don't think angels have to worry about that, do you, Cas?"

"One can never be too careful. I have no intention of 'letting one slip past the goalie' as the Winchesters would say."

Ryan looked at him before she burst out laughing again, this time, Sam joined her. "Oh, shit, I needed that," Ryan muttered as she wiped her eyes which were streaming with laughter tears.

Castiel's face was nothing but mask of seriousness. "A nephilum would be an untold danger to the human populace. A nephilum with Tory's…anything, well, that would be catastrophic."

Ryan let out a snort. "Dude. Are you kidding me? A _human _with Tory's…anything could be dangerous." Her friend was lethal and had a lethal temper to boot. The truth was, no hunter needed to procreate. They were all basically serial killers. Psychopaths and sociopaths, the whole lot of them.

Castiel pondered that a moment. "Yes. That is true. Do you think sterilization is an option? I do have the ability to do that."

Ryan's eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened as she warned, "Cas, man, when that convo goes down, let me know beforehand 'cuz I want to sell tickets."

Cas just looked at her in confusion. "Why?"

Ryan glared at him. "Why? Because at the word 'sterilization' it will cease to be a conversation and it will turn into a beat down. One for the ages, man, because it'll be the first time an angel has its ass kicked by a human barehanded. A universe wouldn't put enough distance between the two of you after that."

Cas thought a moment. "So…that is a 'no' then?"

Ryan blinked. "That's a HELL NO, Cas."

* * *

**November Twentieth **

Ryan sighed as she tossed another book to the table. "Nothing."

"We must not give up hope, Ryan," Castiel stated patiently.

She shot him a look as she stood. "I just don't see what the need is, Cas. I mean, okay, cloroxing my soul is a big fucking deal, but…I mean, we already said the trials…"

"The trials almost killed me," Sam put in.

"Yeah, but, they're guaranteed. And since Cas seems hell-bent on fixing me…"

"The trials _are_ quite dangerous, Ryan. If we found another way, it could be beneficial to everyone." Cas supplied as he leafed through another of the Men of Letters' books.

Ryan ground her teeth and blew a breath out of her nose. "I just…" she snapped her mouth shut and walked back to the bookshelf. She understood the necessity of fixing her, she really did, but at the same time, what was the point? She would get a one-way ticket upstairs eventually, be 'pure' and all that other crap. But what for? She wasn't certain she wanted to spend an eternity alone, and she didn't think even though Dean would one day lose his figurative demon horns, he'd want to spend his eternity with her. So, really. Wouldn't she be better off hanging out down south with her youngest kid? He'd keep her square, right?

"I know that look," Sam's voice was soft in her ear.

She turned quickly and looked up at him. "What look?"

"That one. The one that thinks you're not worth the trouble. That this isn't worth the trouble."

"It isn't, Sam," she pouted. "We are wasting valuable time here…"

"It is a worthy cause, Ryan." Castiel stated vehemently as he, too, came up to them. "_You _are a worthy cause. You have faced the devil and determined not to bow down to his prophecies. Do not forget, if you do not take this path to redemption, you may very well lead us all to ruin."

She sighed as she looked at the angel. He had a point. As per usual. She sighed again.

"Ryan, we only want what's best for you."

She looked up at the man she called 'brother' again. "Then just let me take on the trials, Sam."

"If we can't find anything else."

"What else is there?!" she cried. "My god…we've spent _hours _mulling over these books! We've talked to every demonologist the globe 'round and for what? Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada."

"And we may be just blowing smoke, but we won't know until we exhaust every effort."

Ryan snagged a book at random off the bookshelf and with a muttered, "Fine," stalked back to the table where she plopped down into a chair and propped her feet up on table. They had gone around and around every demon theory and subject under the sun. They had discussed using purified blood on her, but since she wasn't a demon, that didn't seem like it would work. They couldn't exorcize the demon from her since it was her own soul twisting and darkening. There were no purification spells. Nothing could cleanse her besides an act from the big man upstairs or the hell trials. She knew it. They knew it. And yet, they wouldn't let her just gank a hellhound already.

She started reading as she twirled a strand of hair around one finger and humming along to the song in her head. She started tapping her foot on top of her other foot and she heard Sam sigh.

She bit her lip and stopped humming. A few minutes passed and she couldn't help singing slightly under her breath to the words floating through her head…

_**It was the heat of the moment**_

_**The heat of the moment**_

_**The heat of the moment **_

Sam slammed a book down. "Stop it! Jesus!"

It startled her and she jumped, the book falling from her hand onto the floor. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. "What?"

"That fucking song? Really? I'm already short-tempered enough!"

She blinked. "Sam…what are you talking about?"

"Asia? Really?"

"I love 'Heat of the Moment'. Bobby was playing it on his little stereo yesterday. It's been stuck in my head ever since…"

"Bobby…" Sam shook his head. "Son of a bitch."

"Isn't that Dean's line?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "That's the song…the one Gabriel…"

Ryan's brows knit before her eyes widened. "Geez, Sam! Way to hold a grudge! That was ages ago!" She still couldn't believe he shouted at Gabriel after their first hunt. She had asked Sam what all Gabe had done on the job, but he hadn't told her and she figured it was a guy thing. Obviously they'd worked it out.

"I still remember every moment of it," he seethed.

This time, Ryan rolled _her _eyes. "You're such a little bitch, Sam."

"Jerk," he shot back.

Cas looked from one to the other. "Are you two fighting? I can never tell."

They both sighed and shook their heads. "Nah. We just…make a lot of noise," Ryan supplied.

"Still, if I ever hear that song again, it'll be too soon."

"Melodramatic," Ryan muttered under her breath as she snagged the book off the floor. She paused only a half-beat before she began humming it again, this time, just to piss him off.

Sam shot her an icy glare. "Chick or not, you're a bigger dick than Dean ever was."

Ryan smirked at him. "Thanks. I take that as a compliment, seeing as how I've always had more balls than either of you."

Cas chuckled under his breath at the exchange. Sam sent him a scandalized look. Cas shrugged. "What? She has a valid point. She _has _given birth to an angel, an angel/purgatory conundrum, and now a demon spawn eventual king of Hell."

Ryan's eyebrows furrowed again. "Thanks, Cas. I think."

Sam snorted. "Yeah, and if that wasn't bad enough, Dean's their father."

Cas pondered that a moment before uttering, "Father help us all, indeed."

Ryan looked back and forth between the two before she burst out laughing. The two men chuckled with her and she shook her head as she tossed the book down and laid her head back. "I'm tired. Let's take a break." She dropped her feet to the floor and sat up straight. "Sam. What's up with you and Andy?"

He looked up so fast she was afraid he was going to give himself whiplash. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"I…" he cleared his throat, sat the book on the table, and sat up straighter as he looked her in the eye. "Well, actually, I want to talk to you about that."

Her eyebrow shot up, but she remained quiet as she leaned on the table, resting her chin on one hand. "Yes?"

He licked his lips nervously and sucked in a breath. "So…she and I have been talking. And, uh, we want to move in together."

Ryan blinked. "Uh…aren't you guys doing that now?"

He smiled despite himself. "Well, yeah, but…we want it more permanent."

It took a moment for it to sink in, but then she realized…they wanted to move in together, away. In another place. "Oh! I see…"

"Ryan…if you aren't okay with it…if you don't think…"

She shrugged. "What, Sam? Did you really think I wouldn't be all for this? I hope you two haven't been keeping your future on hold for me." At his bashful look, she groaned. "No, Sam! You two need to go on and get your happily ever after! You don't need…"

"We worry about you, about the boys…"

"Fruitlessly! Sam, you and I are raising these boys, but you don't have to be with me every freaking moment of the day! Andy's your soul mate! You need to be making a life with her, not me."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," he stated softly.

She sent him a sweet smile as she stood and walked to him. She bent and hugged him tightly. "Sam, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever. Without you, I could never have raised those kids to the point they are now. But, now, they're doing great. Bobby's grace is a little concerning, but nothing we can't handle. Jon's channeling what talents he has, the older kids are settled…life's good. Go out and live yours now."

He held her fast. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

She brushed the hair back from his face and kissed his forehead. "Sam, I have always wanted you to settle down and find love. I had no idea, mainly because I stay so far up my own ass, that you were holding back on that. Go out there and do it. Go find Andy, go find a house. Go, start your life."

"I'm terrified," he admitted softly. "What if…what if she dies?"

Ryan pulled on a hank of his hair gently. His eyes bore into hers as she shrugged. "Who's to say she won't, Sam? Life happens. But you can't continue to not share that big, beautiful heart with her. She needs you. All of you. And to be with me and her at the same time is doing her a disservice."

"I'm not _with _you, Ryan…"

She nodded. "Yes, you are." She sighed. "We're as close to married as we can get without papers and sharing a bed, Sam. It's…it's creepy." She licked her lips and smiled. "Well, I'm serving you with divorce papers. I still want you to be a part of the kids' lives, obviously, but I don't want you living with me anymore. You have to find somewhere else to hang your hat."

He beamed. "Really?"

She snorted. "Really. Besides, I think I could probably talk Tory or Charlie into moving in with me, taking that big ass bedroom of yours, living the lap of luxury in Casa de Winchester…"

His smile shone with a thousand watts as she leaned back and he stood. "I'm going to go tell Andy now. We, uh, we were looking at this place not far from here…it's a fixer-upper, but the price is right and…"

"Go. Cas and I have this."

He stopped and grabbed both her biceps. "Are you sure, Ryan?"

She was all smiles as she nodded. "Yes, Sam! It's time for you to start your life, dude. Quit hiding behind my skirts!"

He snorted. "You never wear skirts."

"And with good reason. Have you seen my legs?"

He shot her a look, but it fell off his face as he turned and practically ran to the stairs. Andy and Tory were working with the boys outside, working on their tracking skills in the woods near the bunker.

She watched him go and heard Cas say, "That was very nice, Ryan. But I can all but see your heart breaking."

She sucked in a breath, blew it out, and couldn't stop the flood of tears that began. Cas was surprisingly right there as she fell apart. He scooped her up and sat her on his lap as she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed.

_Everybody gets their happily ever after but me. What did I do to deserve this? Have I not been loyal enough? Faithful enough? What is it? Why is it everyone I know finds happiness but I don't? It's not fair. Life's not fair and it sucks ass. Hard. _

She felt his hand rubbing her back gently as she attempted to calm own, but nothing could stem the flow of tears or could calm the violent wracking sobs of her body.

Finally, her body gave out and she fell asleep, safe in the arms of an angel.

When she woke, she was in Dean's bed. She glanced over to find Castiel reading another of the books in the chair at the small desk. "You know, I'm getting tired of passing out and waking up in this bed."

"Would you like for me to bring in another bed for you? One more comfortable, perhaps? I was told this one had memory foam in it. It is supposed to remember you."

She chuckled flatly under her breath as she sat up. She noticed he had taken the liberty of covering her, as well as removing her boots. He might not _be _human, but he certainly understood the value of human comfort. It warmed her heart. "So, uh, thanks for helping me during my wig out…"

His blue gaze lit to hers. "Ryan, it is of no trouble. You are under quite a bit of stress. And no matter how happy you are for Sam, the fact remains, he is beginning the life you wish was yours. I may not be human, but this, at least, I can grasp the concept of."

"It's stupid and selfish," she admonished herself.

"It is human. Were you not feeling this way, I would be more concerned."

She opened her mouth to argue, but knew he was right. She _was _happy for Sam and Andy. God knew Sam deserved happiness. She just…she wanted it, too. And it was painfully obvious she would never get it. She reached for her boots and slipped them on. "Cas…if and when I reach Heaven…I don't want to be alone, okay? I've been alone. My whole life. When I get there, promise me, you'll hook me up with someone else, okay? I don't want to be by myself. Drop me in Ashe's heaven. Harvelle's Roadhouse sounds like a great place to spend the rest of my eternity."

"You will be with Dean, when he dies, Ryan. You are soul mates."

"But we barely know each other."

At that, he smiled. "You know one another fine. The rest, you will learn."

"He won't want to be with me," she couldn't quite help the pout that accompanied the statement.

"You know that is not true, Ryan. Whether he realizes it or not, he loves you, too. And he will want to be with you."

She tried to stem the flow of tears, but one tracked down her face as she whispered, "How do you know?"

He pondered a moment before he smiled. "Because, I _do _know him."

She bit her lip and dared to allow herself to dream.

"Question," he began.

"Answer," she responded.

He shot her a look. "I couldn't help but notice your choice of footwear. Why, exactly do you have pictures of flying bovines on them?"

She glanced at the socks Tory had given her as a gag-gift for Christmas the year before peeking over the top of her boots. "They're Holy Cow's, Cas."

"Ah…" he paused, then, "I hate I asked."

* * *

**December Thirty-First**

"All set?" Andy asked as Ryan slid her second decorative hair stick into place. Just because they weren't going hunting, didn't mean she didn't want to be prepared, just in case. It was made of solid silver and it was hella sharp. Perfect to use, should the need arise.

"Ready to roll."

"Alright, I've got the iPod loaded with all the classics!" Tory shouted as she appeared in the entryway.

"Tunes?" Krissy asked.

Tory nodded. "Yep. Alanis Morissette, Pat Benatar, P!ink, Joan Jett, Arianna Grande, Janis Joplin, Melissa Etheridge, Katy Perry, and almost every single awesome chick one-hit-wonder of the last millennia."

"No Cindy Lauper," Ryan reminded her.

Tory rolled her eyes. "Of course not. Do you think I want a revolt staged? Puh-lease!"

"What's wrong with Cindy Lauper?" Sam asked as he entered the room.

"Mom hates Cindy Lauper with a fiery passion," Hope provided.

"Yeah. You want to see Ryan go from zero to pissed, put on 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'. It's oddly disturbing," Andy put in.

Sam's brows knit. "I can't believe I never knew that about you, Ryan."

She smirked and shrugged as she bent to kiss Bobby's cheek. "Okay, you're going to be good for Sam, aren't you, Robert Gabriel?"

The little boy gave her his most angelic expression and she rolled her eyes. "I mean it, Gabe."

He just smirked. She sucked in a breath and turned back to Sam. "Gird your loins, Sam. You may want to call Cas down here." Bobby's powers were coming back rapidly now and he was causing mischief at every turn. Ryan had threatened to have him branded if they couldn't control his power. She didn't want to. He was, after all, just a child, and occasionally, he couldn't control how his powers manifested. At seven and a half, he was definitely a kid, but the angel mojo he had was astounding.

"Thanks for the warning," he muttered as he shot Bobby a look.

"Whoa. Ryan. Damn. You look hot," Ben commented as he, too, joined them. Everyone had been home for Christmas, so when Andy and Tory decided they wanted to spend a girl's night out for New Years Eve, everyone jumped on the chance. All the guys were staying home, watching after the littlest dudes while all the girls partied.

She smiled as she smoothed the skirt of her black dress. It had a fitted bodice but flared into a tulle and crinoline skirt. It was short, but not obscenely so. She felt…well, she felt like a girl. And she liked it. "Thanks, Ben."

"No. Like, serious MILF appreciation here."

She chuckled and patted his face. "Sorry, sweetheart. Not that I'm not flattered, but besides the fact you're legit young enough to be my son, you're the wrong Winchester."

He sighed in mock sadness. "Alas. I will have to pine for you from afar."

She rolled her eyes. "Can it, Shakespeare."

"Are we ready?" Krissy asked softly.

Ben smiled as he zeroed in on her. "Hey, short stuff. Looking pretty damn hot there yourself." She was wearing a sleek, sequined top with a black vest over it and a pair of black leather pants.

She beamed. "Thanks."

Ryan's eyebrow rose. _Well, well, well. _She cleared her throat. "Come on, girls. Just because Tory and Andy have men, doesn't mean all our ladies are off the market. I'm planning on hooking up some of these chicks with dicks tonight."

"MOM!" Hope shouted.

"Except you, young lady. You and I are coming home. Alone."

"Drunk?" Hope inquired.

Ryan chuckled. She knew Hope was only sixteen, but she wasn't your basic sixteen year old. She could let the kid have a little bit of leeway. Besides, she knew those kids didn't exactly adhere to the nation's rules and regulations. About anything. "We'll see. I have no doubts you can hold your liquor. You wouldn't be a Winchester if you were a lightweight."

"I can't believe you got us a limo, Ryan," Charlie stated as she peered out the window at the sleek black car.

Ryan shrugged. "Well, it's better than us piling into Tory's crappy van…"

"Hey! Ben keeps my van running smoothly. It's a classic!"

"Classic piece of crap," Andy muttered under her breath, causing Ryan to giggle.

Tory huffed and walked out to the car. Andy and Ryan looked at one another and burst out in giggles once more before Andy kissed Sam quickly on the lips and dashed out after their friend. Krissy and Hope soon followed, along with Jody, who had come down earlier in the day, and Charlie.

Ryan looked at Jesse, who was gazing out of the open door at the retreating figures of the women. Her eyes narrowed. He was watching one of them, she just couldn't figure out who. If it was Krissy, that could complicate things. If it was Hope, well, that would complicate things even further. She snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Hey, Romeo, keep an eye on my kid, yeah?"

He blinked and turned to look at Ryan. He smiled. "Sure, Ryan. You know I'll keep up with Jon and his antics."

"Good." She bent to give Jon kisses and hugs before he ran back into the living room where he and Ben were building a huge Lego city. She turned to Sam and held out a hand. "Good luck, and God be with you."

He chuckled. "Get the hell out of here and commence with the merry-making. We're good."

She bit her lip. She didn't do this. Go out and party. It wasn't her style, it never had been.

"Move your ass, Ryan," he goaded gently.

She smiled and kissed his cheek, too, before she wiped her lipstick print off his face. "Thanks."

"You guys deserve it."

She glanced out the door where all of a sudden, "All About That Bass" began blaring from the open windows of the limo. "God help me," she muttered.

The guys laughed. "Have fun!" Ben shouted as she dashed to the car.

Ryan let out a groan. Her head felt like it was going to explode. She paused as she felt movement in the bed next to her. "Hello?" she asked softly.

"Fuck," Tory muttered.

Ryan heard a secondary groan and glanced over Tory to find Andy. All three of them were in Andy and Sam's bed in the younger Winchester's house. "Please tell me we didn't have a ménage a trois."

"If we did, and I missed it, I'm going to be pissed," Tory growled.

Ryan chuckled and then groaned as she clutched her head. "We're getting too old for this shit."

"Speak for yourself," Andy murmured as her head popped up. "I'm younger than both of you."

Tory and Ryan looked at one another, then at Andy and ground out in unison, "Fuck you, Andy."

She smiled and sat up. "So, water and aspirin all around?"

"Please."

"Thank you."

Ryan turned over onto her back and to her surprise, Tory snuggled into her. She rolled her eyes, but kept her mouth shut as Andy reappeared with the water and a bottle of pills. "Remind me why we did that again?" she wondered aloud as she accepted the pills from her friend.

"Because it was fun at the time?"

Ryan got flashes of the karaoke, of the dancing, of the smiles and laughter and grinned. "Yeah, you're right. It was a lot of fun."

"Shhhh, less talky, more sleepy," Tory whispered as she clamped a hand over Ryan's mouth.

Ryan chuckled but remained quiet and felt consciousness slipping from her once more.

The second time she woke, she felt more human. Tory was still sound asleep next to her, but Andy wasn't in bed with them. She eased herself from Tory's grasp and stood. She went to the bathroom, washed her face, and made her way downstairs. The fixer-upper Andy and Sam and bought was very pretty. They were doing most of the work themselves and it was turning out quite nice.

She made her way to the kitchen where Andy was sitting at the tiny bistro table, sipping a cup of coffee. "Good morning," Ryan whispered as she glanced into the living room where Hope and Krissy were both asleep on the sofa.

Andy smiled at her. "Morning."

Ryan poured herself a cup of the strong brew and sat next to her friend. She put her feet up on the chair and wrapped her arms around her legs before she said, "So…? How is it, living with Sam? I haven't had a chance to really talk to you much since you two moved out."

Andy beamed. "It's so awesome, Ryan. Really. He's…it's perfect. He's perfect. Life is…"

"Perfect?" Ryan supplied over the lip of her cup.

"Ha. Yes, it is."

Ryan's smile was genuine as she said, "Good. I'm glad. Sam deserves this. He deserves to be happy. And you deserve it, too. I'm so happy for you both."

Andy bit her lip and stared down into her mug. "He didn't want to move out, you know? He felt…"

Ryan nodded. "I know. But like I told him, I never, _ever _wanted to stand in the way of his happiness, Andy. You know I never felt like that toward him."

Andy sipped her coffee and nodded. "I know. He admitted he had feelings for you. We've…we've been nothing but honest."

"Good. You need to be."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you ever going to be honest?"

"With Dean?!"

Andy shot her a look. "No. With Elvis Presley. Of course, with Dean. Dumbass."

Ryan chuckled flatly under her breath. "Ah, well, it's a little different…"

"Why?"

Ryan's brows knit. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

"Duh. Have Meg set up a meet-and-greet, go up to him, slap a kiss on his face and be done with it."

"He's a _demon_, Andy."

"Well, yeah, I get that. But I mean…you're pining. You're wasting your life, Ryan."

"I'm not wasting it. I'm just…" She sighed. "It won't work out, Andy. I just know it. Even if the demon thing wasn't in the way, he and I are too much alike, too damaged, too…fucked up to work. We may be soul mates, but we aren't compatible to live together."

"Now you're just talking utter shit, Ryan Fawcett. Yes, you're a lot alike, but the subtle differences, the fiery passion you both have…that'll seal the deal. You should go to him."

"He's got a job and a place, Andy. And I'm not part of it."

"You're being melodramatic."

"I'm being rational."

"Fuck rationality."

Ryan sighed again and scrubbed her hand over her face. "I can't just 'fuck rationality'. I have an obligation to Bobby and Jon. Those two take precedence over everything else. Hope and the other kids are grown. But this…I have to look after the two little ones. They're both poised for something that will have them hanging in the balance between good and evil. I don't need the scale tipping the other direction. We can't lose this. We've got one shot to make this prophecy go our way. One shot to stop the devil for good. I can't fuck that up. As it is, I'm too close to doing that very thing. I can't…I can't screw it up just because I want a fuck buddy."

"You know Dean is more than that. And furthermore, it's a disgrace to even call him that. You love him. He loves you."

Ryan scoffed.

"Don't," Andy stated softly. "Don't scoff. Don't play this off. No, he wasn't with you before, but only because the planets didn't align. But I can see, they're lining up, Ryan. You can do this. You can go to him now. You can…"

"Not yet, Andy. Maybe, _maybe, _one day we can be together. But…"

"You're scared." At Ryan's look of surprise, Andy nodded. "You're so fucking scared you'll pour your heart out to him and he'll stomp on it. You're terrified that after pining for your whole life, he'll toss you away like yesterday's used condom. Well, I don't know what to say. He might. He's a demon. Demons are unpredictable. But he's Dean. And I may not know Dean, probably wouldn't recognize him if I saw him on the street, but I know _of _him. Through you. Though Sam. Through Ben. Through Cas. And I like the guy. He seems like he's a dick part of the time, but he's a good guy. And I want my friend happy and with a good guy. And if the guy she loves is a dick, well, I'll put up with that, too. I want you happy, Ryan. You deserve it."

Ryan gasped out a breath. "I don't deserve it. I'm…I'm not good, Andy. Not anymore. This stain on my soul is getting bigger and I can't help enjoying the power and I just…I'm so terrified. Of everything. I just…" She rested her chin on her knees before her gaze shot to Andy's. "I am so afraid of screwing this up. If I take myself out of it as much as I can, surely that will help matters."

"What if it makes it worse? You said Gabriel told you to tell Dean when he was dead. Guess what? Demon equals pretty damn dead. So. Go tell him."

"I don't think so. I think it means after everything is over. After the prophecy is fulfilled. If he's dead, then tell him, it makes sense…"

Andy shook her head. "We're not going to agree on this. I just…I want you to be happy, Ryan."

"I'm happy…"

Andy reached across and snagged Ryan's hand in hers. "Honey, you've not been happy since I've known you. You've had bursts of happiness. Moments of happiness. But I don't think you've ever truly been happy in your whole life."

Ryan shook her head sadly. "I think you're right."

"But you will be. One day. I know it."

At that, Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "How? How do you know this?"

"Call it a woman's intuition."

Ryan snorted. "Well, then how come I don't have that woman's intuition?"

"Oh, you can't have it for yourself. Others have to have it for you."

Ryan shot her a look. "You're guano, Andy. You know that, right?"

Andy chuckled. "Yeah. I'm well aware."

* * *

**An2: Until next time, my lovelies! See you in the New Year!**


	25. The Edge of Seventeen

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I wish I did. But, hey, at least we've got season 11 to look forward to! Whoot! I can't believe it! YAY!**

**AN: WHOA! I've gotten a TON of reviews this last chapter! And for that, I thank you! Not a lot of you gave me your names, so I'll try to answer you here…**

**1) Someone wanted to know why Ryan is so sad…she's clinically depressed, has been, most of her life. I do not suffer from depression, but my mother has, quite like Ryan. She, too, has been suicidal most of her life. It's not an easy thing to live with. So…cut her some slack. Yes, she's happy, but sometimes, that depression drags you down. **

**2) LOL. I love how everyone thinks they're so old. I've got their age in a few chapters, but let's just say they're late thirties/early forties, which isn't really that old. **

**3) For the review that promised to destroy me. MWAHAHAHA. Not to worry, I LOVE DEAN. Let's just put that out there. TRUST ME! Eventually, he'll get his happily ever after. Hopefully you'll all enjoy how the story goes, but it's still a long way from ending. There is a reason everything has happened like it has. And there is a reason there are so many angels involved. Do you remember some of the things angels can do? Hmmmm…with a few of them in their pockets, the happy ending is assured! It just takes a while to get there.**

**4) Thank you, guest reviewer, who said this is the best story you've ever read. I love you for it. I've got a twisty mind, and I put a lot of time and effort into this, so I'm really happy you are enjoying it!**

**5) And then the flames…I had one reviewer review 12 of the 24 chapters only to tell me how much they hated the story, Ryan's name, Danneel, and, well, almost everything else. You are entitled to your opinion. But I do wonder, if you hated it so much from chapter 3 on, why did you continue to read it? I've hated tons of stories I've started on this website and I just quit reading and say, "Whoa. Totally not for me." But if you feel the need to flame, flame on, because I only roast marshmallows and make s'mores with your opinion. Although I am proud of you for actually signing your name to your hate. I won't send you any hate back in return. Happy life to you, random citizen. **

**And now with that, the next long-ass chapter. Hope you enjoy! **

* * *

**January Twentieth **

**Ryan POV**

Ryan glanced over at her passenger. "I just don't see why you're bucking me on this, Sam."

"It's ridiculous, Ryan."

She glared at him. "Seriously? Is this some sort of penis-induced male chauvinistic thing?"

"Excuse me?"

She rolled her eyes as she flipped on her blinker and turned the windshield wipers up a notch while she waited for the light to turn green. It was raining cats and dogs so Sam had volunteered to go with her to get lunch for everyone currently situated at the bunker. "You know, the 'me man, you little woman. You stay safe' mentality some guys have over their girlfriends."

"It's not like that."

"Uh-huh."

"It's not! Damn it, I just…I don't…why can't you go?"

She sighed. "Of course I can, Sam. You know I love hunting with you. But Andy's a great hunter. And, honestly, I think since this is the first hunt you and I would go on since, you know, everything that's happened, I just think it would go a long way by you inviting her and letting me sit this one out."

"What? Is she so insecure she thinks you and I will screw around on her behind her back? Does she not trust me, trust you enough?"

"That's not it and you know it," she growled through clenched teeth. "Are you so petty and insecure you can't handle the fact Andy might out-hunt you?"

His mouth fell open as he looked at her. "Seriously? You think…?"

"I don't know what to think, Sam," she told him softly. "All I know is, the way you reacted back there hurt her feelings. Andy's a great hunter. She gets it done, man. Way better than Tory does, I tell you that. She's cautious, uses her brain, analyzes the situation before she jumps into it…she's a perfect hunting partner, dude."

"Then you and her go. Make it a girl's trip."

She wheeled into the first fast-food place she came up on and whipped the car into a parking space before she turned and glared at him. "What is your damage, Winchester? I want to know."

He blew out a breath. "I'm afraid, alright? I'm afraid I won't be watching out for the hunt. I'm afraid I'll be so focused on her, I'll screw up. I'm afraid…I'm afraid for her to see that side of me," he ended softly.

She gave him a small smile and blew a breath out of her nose. "Sammy…"

"It's stupid. I know. I get it," he grumbled. His eyes lit to hers. "But that's how I feel."

She nodded. "I get that, Sam. Really, I do. But…you two need this. You live together. You should hunt together. And now, before you decide to settle down any more than you already are."

His brows knit. "What do you…?"

"Kids, Sam. Babies."

"Whoa. What?"

She threw her head back against the headrest, cast her eyes heavenward and groaned at his idiocy. "Sam, come on. You two are both pretty damn young. Of course you'll want kids. Dean's can't be the only Winchesters out in the world."

"I…but…really?" She smiled as his voice lifted an octave on the last word.

"Really," she told him and her tone was full of conviction. She knew he would be an excellent father.

He cleared his throat. "We haven't even talked about that."

She shrugged. "So? It'll happen when it happens. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but soon. And it should, Sam. You two should have kids. I would love to be an aunt."

She could see the wheels turning in his head as his forehead wrinkled. "Yeah, you're right, I guess…" He then smiled. "Huh. A kid. Yeah. I could…I could maybe see that."

Her smile grew and she bit the inside of her lip. "Well, just don't go out and do it today, alright? I really need you two to go on this hunt. With Jesse staying and helping Jon these next few weeks, Krissy taking that class at the college, and the brother/sister duo hunting, I don't want to put anyone else on the job."

"She won't hate me, seeing me hunt? I'm brutal, Ryan. You've seen me take down vamps before."

At that, she smirked. "I know Andy. Trust me. She'll think it's a turn-on."

"You're joking."

She shot him a look then started ticking off her fingers. "One; a machete. Two; being in heat over her man. Three; the thrill of the hunt where the adrenaline is pumping through her. Better make sure you pack a few extra boxes of condoms, dude."

"Jerk," he muttered under his breath.

"You love me," she retorted. She wrinkled her nose as she looked out at the weather. "Well, what do you say? Face the ridiculously long line through the window? Or get our asses soaking wet to get the food?"

He glanced out the window as well. "I don't…"

She didn't bother listening to the rest of his reply as she opened her door and dashed out into the rain, laughing as she became soaked through to the skin with the freezing January rain.

* * *

**Sam POV**

The hunt probably could have gone better, but still, all the vamps were dead and they'd managed to save two young women. So, all in all, a win. "Are you okay?" he asked Andy as she applied pressure to the wound.

"Are you kidding? I'm juiced. Dealing with demons is more a mind game once you capture them. Hunting monsters? All adrenaline. This was excellent."

Sam smirked as he thought of what Ryan had said. He had been a fool not to realize how good a hunter Andy was. And, too, she hadn't seemed concerned as he'd lopped off head after head in the vampire nest. Truthfully, he had stood back and watched her work for a time. She looked like a deadly ballerina, like the fight was choreographed as she sliced and diced. And, well, hell, Ryan had been right about another thing; watching Andy had turned him on.

"Earth to Sam?" he heard, jerking him out of his musings.

"What?"

She smiled. "What'cha thinking about?"

He walked over and picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. "You," he replied as his mouth dropped to hers.

She moaned as her hands grabbed his hair and he snarled in longing as he tore his lips away from hers to bite her neck.

"Sam?"

"Need you," he replied.

"You got me," she panted as he tossed her onto the bed before his body covered hers.

"Fuck, yes," she moaned as his huge hands fisted over her breasts. "I need you naked. Now."

He stood and stripped in record time and when he returned to the bed, she was sinuously taking off her pants, sliding them down her legs seductively. But that just wouldn't do. He grabbed her pant legs and tugged, pulling her to the edge of the bed as he all but ripped them from her body.

He pushed her shirt up and off of her and began plundering her stomach with his tongue before his mouth dipped lower, lower, lower until he found nirvana.

She cried out as he began his ministrations and it took no time at all for her to hit her release. He didn't give her a moment's break before he plunged into her and she screamed in pleasure as he felt her inner walls quake with the strength of the orgasm.

"That's it, babe, come for me," he muttered before his mouth dropped to hers once more and she sucked his tongue into her mouth.

Their hands both moved, neither relinquishing control as they fought their way to the top of the mountain. He felt her almost at the crest and he backed away with a smirk.

"You bastard," she growled as he pulled out of her, but that only lasted a moment as he flipped her and plunged back into her from behind. He kissed her shoulder blades, biting and marking her as her hands wrapped around his waist behind her and he felt her score his back with her nails. His hands moved over her front now, fisting her breasts teasing her nipples, then, finally, fingering her clit, getting her right there to the edge before he felt her fall over.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she panted as her head fell back against his chest.

"I'm not done," he commanded as he turned her now almost boneless body onto her back. He pulled away and began kissing her, every inch of her, biting, nipping, sucking, getting her turned on again before he was ready to finish.

"Sam," she whined gently.

He looked down at her. She was gorgeous, all black hair and white skin. She was his. Forever. "I love you, Andrea," he told her.

She smiled softly. "I love you, too, Sam."

He bent to kiss her lips delicately as he gently slipped back into her. "I'm done fucking. Now I want to love you."

Her arms wrapped around his neck. "I don't know…the fucking is pretty fucking spectacular."

He chuckled as he gently began to move. "Sometimes I just need to show you I love you, Andy."

"You do that every day, Sam."

He kissed her lips again. "Humor me," he murmured against her skin as he moved to her collarbone.

"My pleasure. Trust me."

He felt her legs wrap around his waist and as he moved, he felt them both begin to crescendo. "Sam…" she pled.

He kissed both of her closed eyes before he kissed her nose, both cheeks, and her forehead.

Her eyes opened and she looked deeply into his eyes. "Come with me," she begged gently.

"_My _pleasure," he stated.

* * *

**Ryan POV**

A week later, Ryan was busy fielding calls. Andy and Sam were on the hunt for the vampire nest, (though Andy had called and told her they'd finished and needed a few days, which Ryan eagerly complied with.) Tory and Charlie had bugged out to handle a vengeful spirit, and calls were still coming in. The Men of Letters had people scattered throughout the country now, people that were on the edges of the supernatural community, keeping watch on local newspapers, sending in possible calls. A lot of them were false alarms, but it had saved countless lives thus far. It was effective, and it gave those that were saved from these monsters a chance to pay it forward by helping find other monsters. She had just put down the receiver on the MOL telephone when her cell phone rang. "'Lo?"

"Ryan?"

"Cas? Long time no hear, Angel. What's up?"

"I wanted to make sure you were aware of Ben and Hope's job."

"You mean the siren case they called and told me about? Yes. I'm well aware."

There was dead silence on the other end and Ryan felt a sense of foreboding. "Cas?"

He sighed into the phone. "Forgive me. I have overstepped."

"Cas, hon, what? What's going on?"

"I realize you have taught them to hunt. I just…it does not seem particularly appropriate for them to be hunting as they are."

"You're calling their ethics, or methods into question?"

"Both, actually."

Ryan sighed. They were hunting only about a day and a half drive from the bunker. "Would you like for me to go and check on them, Castiel?"

"Yes. If only because of who they are. I just…Hope is, after all, an angel. She has been monitored in the past."

"Since she got her wings clipped, you mean?" Ryan questioned defensively.

She could all but hear Cas wince. "Yes."

She blew out a breath. "Fine. Do I need backup?"

"They are hunting…?"

"A siren."

"It may be advantageous of you to bring along another individual to help with the case, yes. I feel when you arrive, you may wish to punish them."

Her eyebrow rose in intrigue. How unlike Cas to call and tattle on anyone. Interesting. "Okay, Cas. For you. I'll go check them out. But if you're sending me on a wild goose chase, it'll be _your _wings that get clipped." She punched the 'end' button on her phone and sighed. She had two options, and neither were the greatest. She hated screwing with the kids. They had things situated as they were. This would upset the balance somewhat. But, she knew who she needed and what she needed. She knew who needed to stay behind. "Jess! I need you to go with me on a job!"

"I can go, you know," Krissy stated as Ryan finished shoving clothes into her bag.

Ryan scooped up the bag and headed down the stairs as she nodded. "I know. But you're studying for your midterm and you're so excited for this class. I hate you'll have to monster-sit, but…"

Krissy smiled. "Hey, I love hanging out with these two," she said as she cuddled Jon's neck. He squealed in delight before he squirmed to get down. They watched him run off down the other three steps to the living room to play with Bobby, who was having Godzilla terrorize the Lego city they'd constructed.

"Well, okay. If you need help, call Cas down here. He's the one sending me on the fool's errand, so, he can come help you babysit."

Krissy let out a snort. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Good. So, I guess it will be a few days…"

"We'll be fine. Don't worry."

Ryan smiled. "If it's one thing I'm not, it's worried. I know you'll be fine. I just hate to be leaving."

"You know you want a break from the monotony of The Bunker, Ryan," Krissy chastised with a smirk.

Ryan laughed. "You know me too well, sugar. Boys! Come give Mama a kiss and a hug!" She got love from both her boys, made them promise to be good for Krissy, then she eagerly dashed out to Demon where Jesse was loading his bag into the back seat.

"Ready?"

He paused a moment. "Do you realize this is the first time you and I have gone on a hunt alone together?"

She thought a moment. "Well, technically, we aren't going alone to hunt now."

"True. But it will be hella quiet without Ben yammering his trap the whole trip."

At that, she snorted as she slid behind the wheel. "Too true. That boy sure can talk. Clearly he got it from his mom."

"Hope sure did," he stated with a smirk.

She raised her eyebrow. "Watch it, bub. I'll put you on research duty. Permanently."

His nose wrinkled. "Nah, I'll be good."

She chuckled. "Well, come on, let's get this show on the road. I'm eager to see what has Castiel's feathers ruffled."

Jesse snorted. "Yeah. Me too. Should be interesting."

"Two of Dean Winchester's kids on one hunt? I should have known better," she murmured as she revved the engine and shot out of the drive.

The next night, Ryan saw Jesse eye the building with trepidation. "Are you sure they're in there?" he mused.

Ryan nodded. "You know I have all of your cell phone GPS thingies turned on so the MOL can find you if need be, in case something goes south."

"Yeah…but…out of all the places I figured you and I would go together, a strip bar wasn't one of them."

She eyed the building as well. It was called Angelz, which she found oddly ridiculous. She sighed. "Well, let's go see what we can find."

"How are we playing it?" he asked as he adjusted his tie.

"Health inspector?" she asked.

He snorted. "Bikini inspector."

She laughed. "You've been spending way too much time with Ben, Turner."

He reached into his jacket and pulled out an I.D. "That's Buckingham to you, Nicks."

She snorted. "Alright, Buckingham. Let's go in."

Together, they walked into the bar and waited a moment for their eyes to adjust to the dimness within. When Ryan spotted the bar, she walked over to the bartender and they both flipped their badges. "Health inspectors. Where's your boss?"

The bored man shrugged. "Mick didn't show today. We ain't exactly busy. Feel free to do whatever."

Ryan's eyebrow shot up as she looked at Jesse under her breath. "Well, that was easy."

"Too easy," he mused. He side-eyed the guy. "You don't think he's the siren, do you?"

She chuckled. "Doubtful."

"That's what I figured. Think Ben's under the spell?"

She shrugged. "I think Dean and Sam both got hit by the thing and almost killed one another. The odds of one or both of them being under its effect are pretty high. Of course, last time I checked, both of them had their heads screwed on better than the elder Winchesters."

"That's what you think," Jesse stated on a chortle.

She rolled her eyes. "Go look around, try to find Ben. I'll go in the back and check the ladies."

At his raised eyebrow, she shot him a look. "You're a young guy, Jess. I'm not stupid. If that siren was going to get you, it's fairly obvious it would be backstage with all the other half naked women."

"Good point," he mused as he walked toward the bouncer hovering near the empty stage.

Ryan sighed and made her way into the dressing room. She kept the questions brief as she looked around. You could see a siren's true reflection in a mirror, so she kept her eyes on them as she perused the room but didn't find anything. Maybe she needed to check the GPS again. It didn't seem like Hope or Ben was here. Maybe they'd come, asked their questions, and left.

She walked back out to the main room and heard a familiar song start up. She smirked. "At least this stripper's got some decent taste," she mused quietly as she made her way toward the stage. She couldn't help but notice Jesse standing, transfixed, and she snorted. Men were so predictable. Ryan started mouthing the words to the song as she walked over to him.

_**Everyday of her life, she's been living in a fantasy world  
Chasing her dreams, so close she could scream  
Inside she's just a little lost girl**_

When she's hot for action, she knows the right place, yeah  
But she's ready for trouble, she just can't wait, no look at her face  
You know she's

Fearless, fearless, dancing on the tables  
Fearless, fearless, tearin' up the floor  
Fearless, fearless, the girl is such a rebel  
She's so hot, I can't take anymore

"At least it's not 'Cherry Pie', right, Jess?" she teased as she approached. She loved Warrant, but it seemed to her every striptease on every TV show or movie featured the song.

He turned to her and his expression turned to one of horror.

"Jess?"

He just turned back and pointed at the girl on stage.

_**In the middle of the night, you know that sometimes she's gonna show  
Never bothers to knock, 'cause baby ready or not  
You know she'll find somewhere to go**_

Don't ever stop her dancing or get in her way, yeah  
You know she's heading for trouble, the girl's a disgrace, look at her face

Ryan turned as well and when she did, her mouth fell open. There, on stage, stripping out of a suit coat, shirt, and tie, was her baby. Her angel baby. Her eyes grew wide and she blinked once, twice, three times, but it was still Hope standing up there, completely into her act, not even looking their direction. Ryan's mouth opened to shout at her daughter, but movement next to her caught her attention. Jesse's eyes flicked to black as his mouth set, his fists clenched, and he stalked toward the stage as Hope bent to collect money in her garter.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" he shouted.

Hope jumped in fright only moments before her eyes widened in recognition. As badly as Ryan wanted to intervene, to jerk a knot in Hope's ass and drag her off the fucking stage by her teased to the nth degree hair, curiosity won out as she watched the display before her as her surrogate son began berating her daughter;

"HOW COULD YOU!? What? It was too much to ask you fucking _wait _for me?!"

"Wait?!" Hope shouted as she lithely jumped down from the stage in nothing but a skimpy skirt that barely covered her ass cheeks and a sequined bra. "Wait for you?" she demanded as she punched her finger into his chest. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! All I've done is fucking wait for you, Jesse! You were the one that didn't want to be with me!"

Ryan's brows furrowed in confusion as they continued to yell. "I can't, Hope! I can't be with you! It won't work! I'm a fucking _demon_, sweetheart! You're an angel for crying out loud! Tell me how this works, because I really want to know!"

Hope sighed and tugged on her hair, a sign she was really pissed off, Ryan noted. A trait she also got from her mother. "For fuck's sake, Jesse! I'm a Winchester! All we know is impossibilities! So what?! You're a demon. I'm an angel. It doesn't matter to me!"

"You're going up north, Hope, I'm slated to join Jon down south."

"Says who?"

"Me. I've been talking to Cas. As soon as Jon's old enough, I'm joining him. I'm going to be a knight. He needs at least one person he truly trusts. I'm pledging my loyalty to your brother, Hope. I'm going to be a knight of Hell! How the hell can it ever work between us?"

"How can it not, Jess? I love you, damn it! I love you!"

"And I love you, too! But did it ever occur to you love isn't enough?!"

"John said all you need is love."

Jesse threw his hands up in exasperation. "Of course. Quote a fucking Beatles song! Shit, Hope. Be serious for one fucking minute of your short life!"

"I AM!" she screamed and the mirror behind the bar shattered. She started crying then. "I am, Jesse. I love you, you asshole. I know I'm slated to go up north in a few years, but it ain't today. I'm here. You're here. Let's just enjoy our lives for one damn minute! We have forever to be on opposite sides. Can't we just, for one damn day, be together?"

"I don't want to hurt you," he stated quietly as his hand moved to cup her elbow. Ryan was transfixed as she saw Jon's finger rubbing Hope's arm as he continued to move closer to her.

"You're hurting me now," Hope countered so softly, Ryan almost didn't hear it.

"Holy shit. I was waiting for this," the whispered voice next to Ryan said.

She turned and saw Ben standing beside her. "You knew?"

He nodded. "Sorry, Mama Bear. This was my idea. I told Cas to call you."

"You set this up? All of it?"

He nodded again. "Including the fake report about the siren."

"There's no siren?"

He shook his head. "Nope. I just…as much as I'd love to kick Jesse's ass for being with my little sister, she's in love with him, has been, forever, and he's been in love with her, too. He doesn't think he's good enough and their relationship can go nowhere and you know Hope…"

Ryan blew out a breath. "You're all in so much trouble, Benjamin Isaac Braeden Winchester," she seethed. She looked at the demon and angel before her. They had moved closer and their voices had gotten much softer. She couldn't hear the words, but she could read their body language well enough to see the worst of the fight was over. Now all they had to do was make up.

She swallowed hard. If Hope made up the way she thought she would, then…she took a deep breath and shook her head. "Okay. Let's go back to your motel. Let me get a room. You're going to explain everything to me. And then, she'd better hope and pray she comes to me and tells me everything or I'm going to kill her, have Cas bring her back to life, then kill her again."

Ben's lips twitched, reminding her of his father, and he inclined his head. "Sure thing, Mama Bear…"

* * *

**Hope POV**

Jesse laced his fingers through hers. "Can we do this, Hope?"

She blinked back the tears. "How can we not, Jess? I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I know, I know, I only have a few years here, but…can't we make those years good ones? I'm so sick of tiptoeing around you and I can't…I can't do it anymore."

He brought his other hand up to cup her face. "I don't want to, either, but it's easier to just…"

"It's not easier. We're both miserable and we're making everyone else miserable."

"But…" His expressive blue eyes widened. "Your mom…"

They glanced over in time to see Ryan walking out the door with Ben. "I'll deal with her. Eventually."

Their eyes met again. "Eventually?"

"We need to talk, Jess. And not while I'm standing here half naked."

He smirked. "I don't know…the red, white, and blue bra works for you. Very patriotic."

"Ha, ha, ha," she snorted.

"Where?"

She tightened her grip on his hands. "Follow me." She blinked and they were standing in her motel room.

He smirked. "You're being a bit forward, aren't you, H?"

She glanced around and her eyes widened. "NO! I mean…" she blushed. "I just figured we needed somewhere private to talk."

His eyebrow rose, but he nodded. "Shouldn't you change? Or at the very least, put on a shirt?"

She glanced down at her chest. "Yeah, probably."

He chuckled and released her hands. "Go on. I'll be right here."

"You swear?"

"Where am I going to go?"

She bit her lip, but nodded. "I'll be right back." She still hadn't gotten the hang of changing her clothes with angel mojo so she snatched up a tee-shirt and some sleep shorts before she hurried to the bathroom and dressed as quickly as she could by human standards. She reappeared a few moments later with her hair swept up into a ponytail and her feet bare, showing off her bright red toenail polish. She and Krissy had gone for pedicures to pamper themselves when Hope had come home a week or two before.

He was standing by the window and turned at the sound of the bathroom door opening. He smiled as she walked out toward him. "Better. Much better. I just wish you had washed all that crap off your face."

"I'll never understand how men can complain about makeup. We aren't asking you to wear it."

"Well," he mused softly as he walked the rest of the distance toward her. His large hand wrapped around her waist and her face moved up to look at him. They were almost the same height, would be, if she was in shoes, and his hot breath blew across her face. "We don't like having to kiss it all off of you. But we will," he stated as his lips descended to hers.

Fireworks shot behind her closed eyelids as she felt his lips, petal soft, gently pressing to hers, then, slightly more demanding, before his tongue reached out, teasing, probing, asking entrance, which she granted.

It was unlike anything she had experienced. She knew of sex. She remembered her time as Dionysus. She knew what it was like to be on the other end. It was an odd realization, but not an unpleasant one. She had undergone gender reassignment. And she had found the female form to be much more pleasing to inhabit. Truthfully, every angel should experience this. If they could have this, they would understand humans so much better…

"You're thinking," he murmured as his lips moved now, across her cheek and to her ear before descending to her neck.

Her hands fisted in his hair and she moaned. "Jesse…"

"Hope, you've got to tell me to stop. I can't stop. We need to stop."

"Why?" she asked as her lips traveled up to bite his earlobe.

"Fuck, because…we just can't…"

"Yes. We can. What's stopping us?"

"Is this wise?"

"Does it matter?" she countered.

He pulled away and his blue eyes pierced her brown ones. "I don't know what I'm doing. What if I hurt you?"

"I heal quickly."

"Hope…"

"Jess…"

They stared at one another and his eyes turned black and she felt hers burn angel blue as the desire flooded her. "Fuck it," he muttered as both his hands traveled to her face.

She felt herself being backed toward the bed and as soon as her knees hit the mattress, she eagerly scooted up to the headboard, never letting him relinquish hold of her face or her lips as she returned the kiss with gusto. Her hands began their exploration of his body as she tugged off his suit jacket then pulled his tie off, flinging it across the room. She started unbuttoning his shirt and he let out a carnal snarl as he ripped it from his body, tossing it, and his undershirt off somewhere in the room.

She flipped them just so she could see more of him as her knowledge of fighting lent her experience in this field. She gazed down at him. His lips were swollen from their kisses, his eyes were back to crystalline blue, and he was smiling. "You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen."

She bit her lip nervously as she reached for the hem of her shirt. "So are you."

His hands stopped hers as the shirt moved to show off her stomach. "Wait. Are you sure? Really sure?"

Instead of answering, she pulled her shirt off revealing the fact she hadn't bothered with a bra. Had, in fact, taken off the sequined pain in the ass she had been wearing earlier. His eyes widened and she smiled. "I'm sure."

He sat up and enveloped her in a hug and she gasped as her nipples hardened but then she felt his naked skin on hers and she moaned as her hands traveled once more, down, down, down, to his pants to begin unbuttoning them.

His lips were everywhere now; on her lips, her ear, her neck, her collarbone, and then, they latched onto one of her nipples and she cried out as sensations rocketed through her.

His head moved back up and his lips captured hers once more. He lay back down, bringing her with him and he rolled them so he was hovering over her. She looked up into his face and his features were soft as he dipped down to kiss her once more. "I can stop. I'm in control."

"If you stop now, I'm smiting your ass," she growled.

He chuckled but then he sobered. "Shit. We don't have a…"

She leaned over and reached into the drawer next to the bed. "Ben gave them to me," she murmured as she handed him the condom packet with a blush. "He, uh, well, he's doing what big brothers do, I suppose."

Jesse bit his lip. "This is a once in a lifetime thing, Hope. Are you sure you want it to be with me?"

She had never been surer of anything, in this life, or the one that came before. She nodded. "I want it to be you, Jess."

He nodded before he stood and she watched in fascination as he slid his pants off. She smiled as he nervously put the condom on before he came back to the bed and slid her own pants down her legs. She felt all of their skin touching and she felt the thrill go through her. This was really happening. They were really doing this. Finally, after her loving him ever since she'd laid eyes on him, they were going to become one.

"Last chance to back out," he stated through clenched teeth as he tried to restrain himself.

She felt him, right _there _and she licked her lips. "Make love with me, Jesse. Please?"

He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and their eyes locked as he thrust, connecting them for the first time.

* * *

**Ryan POV**

Ryan was just punching the 'end' button on her cell phone when she heard a knock at her door. She stood from where she had been lounging on the bed talking to Bobby and Jon, stretched her stiffened muscles, and, thinking it was the Chinese food, walked to answer on the second knock. She opened the door wide and shot her daughter a glare.

"Uh, hi, Mom…"

She looked Hope up and down. She was wearing a pair of jogging pants and her favorite vintage Led Zepp tee, with flip-flops on her feet. Ryan sighed then walked back to the bed. She dug through her purse and came out with a candy bar. She opened it, broke it in half, and offered part of it to the girl.

Hope smiled warily and took it before she flopped down onto the bed. Ryan sank next to her and they lay in silence, eating their chocolate a few moments. "So…" Hope began a few minutes later.

"So?"

Hope sighed. "Mom…I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Ryan blew out a breath and shook her head. "Hope, I'm not mad about you and Jesse. I'm hurt you didn't come to me, but I understand why you didn't."

At Hope's confused look, Ryan pressed on; "I mean, come _on. _I'm not exactly the poster child for normal, healthy romantic relationships." She snorted in a self depreciating laugh. "The shit Dean Winchester and I don't know about relationships could fill the Library of Congress. Twice."

Hope chuckled under her breath. "I don't know about that…you seem to know what you're doing. Some of the time."

"Ha, ha, kid."

Hope licked her lips nervously. "I've been in love with him for over two years. Since we were in school, I guess. Maybe even since he came into our lives, I'm not sure. I tried to forget it, bury it, pretend it wasn't happening…"

"As any good Winchester would do," Ryan mused.

"Exactly. But nothing worked."

Ryan shrugged and took another bite of chocolate. "What do you want me to say here, Hope?"

"I…" she bit her lip.

"What, baby?" Ryan asked as she looked her daughter in the eye.

"We had sex."

Ryan sucked in a breath. She had figured as much, but she hadn't expected Hope to be so forthcoming about it. "Oh. Okay. It was…it was your first time?"

Hope nodded.

"With anyone?"

Hope nodded again.

"Wow. I just…I didn't figure…you and Kris have been hunting for a while now."

"You made me promise not to."

Ryan just looked at her daughter. "Like you listen to me half the time."

Hope smirked just slightly. "Maybe about half."

They were quiet again when Hope blurted out, "It was his first time, too."

Ryan's brows knit. That _did _surprise her. She knew Ben was enough like Dean, he was getting it wherever they went. He was a charmer. Jesse was more like Sam. He was soft spoken, sweet, but he was still a virgin? That was a shocker. "Wow. Well then. Okay. Well, the place is still standing, so, obviously a demon and an angel going at it isn't catastrophic…" she joked lightly as she hid the pain. Her daughter was grown now. She had been grown for a while, but now she was a woman. It was quite the distinction.

Hope smiled slightly.

"He didn't pressure you, did he?"

Hope shook her head rapidly. "Of course not! If anything, I pressured him."

Ryan smiled despite herself. "Leader of the pack. I'm not surprised, Winchester."

Hope smiled too. "It was…it was magical. Just like all those crappy romance books I've read."

Ryan hugged her. "I'm glad, sweetie. You two were safe, weren't you?"

Hope rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom. We were safe, just in case. Besides, I can't get pregnant. Female angels aren't equipped to reproduce."

Ryan shot her a look. "I didn't have a uterus. Didn't prevent a prophecy being about me, causing an angel to give me one. Miracles _do _happen, Hope. You might want to make sure you two stay safe by human standards, too. Maybe even have a little chat with Cas…"

"MOM! Even though he's my brother angel, he's like an uncle! I can't ask him about that kind of thing!"

Ryan shrugged. "Well, find an angel you _can _ask. Hannah, someone. This is a serious issue, Hope. God knows we don't need you two procreating. If nephilum are abominations, I can't begin to imagine what a half demon/half angel would be like. I shudder to think…"

Hope laughed. "Okay! I promise! I'll inquire about it."

"Good."

They sat in silence a moment. "So…what's Jesse doing now?"

"Recuperating?"

Ryan glared at her drolly.

Hope laughed. "He's talking to Ben. We may have screwed up this siren hunt. I'm sorry."

"It's not a real hunt."

"What?"

"Ben constructed the whole thing to get you and Jesse together."

Hope's mouth fell open. She snapped it shut and her eyes narrowed. "That utter _shit _of a big brother. When I get my hands on him…"

"You'll shower him with love and affection for helping you both get your heads out of your asses?"

Hope smirked. "Yeah, probably."

Ryan hugged her again. "You're a grown up, Hope. By angel standards, and now, by human standards as well. You're sixteen, the age of consent in Kansas. I…I've known for a long time you weren't just some average kid. Since long before I knew about the angel stuff. You've always been so mature. I love Jesse. I just…" she shook her head as a tear leaked out. "I just wish you were a human, sweetheart. If only so I could know what to say or do in this situation. I'm sure it would involve grounding, having you do a few million 'Hail Mary's' in penance, threaten to never let you see him again…but all I can think is how glad I am you got this real experience before you have to go up north permanently. You're doing normal human things and I just…I'm glad for you. I didn't get that normal stuff, not even as much as you have. I'm _glad _you've gotten this time. I'm proud of you."

"You're not…you're not disappointed in me?"

"How could I be? Jesse's awesome." Ryan sighed. "Life is so damn short. For fuck's sake, just…do what makes you happy. Like you told him, you both have a limited window of time. Make the most of it."

"Thanks, Mom," Hope managed through tears.

Ryan sniffed back another tear and stood. "Come on. Get your ass up. You've got a great guy waiting for you. I'll give you guys tonight to…yeah, I can't really think about it. You may be grown, but you're still my daughter. Go on, do…whatever, then in the morning, we're going home. Ben can ride with me and you and Jess can have the whole trip home to spend together. But I have a few ground rules you and he must abide by, okay?"

Hope bit her lip but nodded in earnest. "Thank you, Mom. For everything."

Ryan placed a hand on her daughter's smooth face. Hope closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.

"I love you, sugar. I'm so glad you're my daughter. I would threaten him, but I know, deep down, Jesse would never hurt you. Unintentional or otherwise. You, however, have that Winchester gene. Don't screw this up. When it's over, be a grown up and talk it out with him. Keep it amicable. Alright?"

Hope's eyes opened and they stared at one another a moment before her daughter nodded. "I promise."

Ryan blew out a breath. "Okay. Go on. Go have fun. Not too much fun, but…"

"Mom," Hope warned.

Ryan smiled and leaned in, pulled Hope's head down to hers, and kissed her forehead. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too."

They pulled apart and as Hope turned, Ryan said, "One more thing…"

Hope's eyebrow shot up. "Yes?"

"I just want to thank you for now ruining Bad Company for me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to listen to 'Fearless' without getting the mental image of you hanging from a stripper pole."

Hope smirked that Winchester smirk. "Jesse better hope he can say the same thing."

* * *

**February Seventeenth **

Ryan licked her lips nervously as she eyed the angel. "Are you sure this will work, Cas?"

Castiel sighed. "It is the same procedure I had planned to perform on Dean to cleanse him of the demon within him. I fail to see why it would not work to cleanse your soul, Ryan. Truthfully, this is overkill, which is why I have not suggested it in the past. However, at this time, I believe it is better to be safe than sorry."

She took in a deep breath as she laid her head back on the medical bay's table/bed. Her demon powers were growing, just as Jon's were. It was disconcerting to her as well as Sam, which was why they were doing this now. "Okay. I just…I'm concerned. I mean…I have some of Gabe's grace in me. Now you're going to pump me full of your blood, too? It just…this ain't going to make me crazier than I already am, will it?"

Cas chuckled. "I do not believe it will further any mental deficiencies you may have."

"Way to sugar-coat it, babe," Tory said from where she stood next to Ryan's arm. "And holding her down?" she inquired as she tightened the restraint on Ryan's wrist.

"Imperative. I have never done this," Cas admitted. "Even the procedure itself is not one we've ever performed. This was just a theory…"

"Meaning, it might not have even worked on Dean?" Sam asked.

Castiel nodded. "Unfortunately, yes. I have no way of knowing if this will work. But it is much less invasive to her than restarting the trials. Besides, if we were to restart the trials, Dean would find out. And I do not believe you wish for him to find out about any of this, am I correct?"

Ryan bit her lip and nodded. "Jon needs a few more years. I can't take the risk of Dean…"

"You know my stance on this," Cas stated abruptly.

Ryan raised her head from the table and glared at him. Cas had asked her repeatedly, begged her, actually, to tell Dean the truth, but she just couldn't. She was terrified he had enough demon in him to hate her forever and to make Jon evil just to spite her. Dean wasn't a forgiving sort of guy. She could live with him hating her for the rest of her life, but she couldn't handle the fact she could be letting her boy down by telling his father prematurely. "And you know my stance as well," she replied stonily.

Cas sighed as he picked up the syringe filled with his blood. The theory was this would be similar to the Men of Letters spell to turn a demon human. But this time, they were using his angel blood instead of the purified blood the original spell dictated. She could only hope this would work.

"I will not lie; I anticipate this hurting, Ryan."

"Hurting how, exactly? I mean, I've lived through three births, two of which were without anesthesia or pain meds, one while I was nursing an un-set broken leg, and one that killed me. I've been beaten, shot, stabbed, almost killed, attempted suicide…exactly how bad is this going to hurt?"

"Like your blood is being boiled," he told her flatly.

She blinked. "Niiiiiice…" she drawled. She sucked in a breath, put her head back once more, and held out her arm as much as she could with the restraint there. "Do it, Cas. Now. Before I wimp out."

He grasped her arm and jammed the needle directly into her bloodstream. She blew out a breath. At first, she didn't feel anything. Then, the burning started, slight at first, then it felt like her arm was on fire. That fire traveled through her body and she screamed. Her scream caused the light bulb above their heads to burst.

"Ryan?" Sam called and she felt his huge hand on her arm.

She opened her eyes which had previously been clenched in pain and his face swam into view. "Sam?"

"Ryan, you okay?"

The burning wasn't quite as vicious as that initial sensation. She licked her lips and nodded. "I'm good. Water?"

He handed her a glass and she took it warily before she asked, "You didn't spike it with holy water, did you?"

He chuckled. "No. Not this time."

She sipped it and felt relief almost immediately. Her throat had been so dry, even after that first installment of Castiel's blood. "Good. I mean, not that it bothered me before, but, still…let's not take that risk, okay?"

"Noted," he mused with a smile.

She glanced over at Cas. "Now what?"

"Now, we wait."

"For…?" The pain flared again and she let out a carnal snarl as she felt something shift inside her.

"That," Cas deadpanned.

She couldn't stay still after that. The pain had her thrashing and screaming, cursing and struggling at the restraints. She lost track of time as the day waned on and Cas pumped her full of his blood until, finally, she passed out.

When she regained consciousness, she was no longer restrained and the only two people left in the room were Cas and Sam who were eying her with trepidation. She smiled. "Hey, fellas. Why so worried?"

Both men blew out breaths and smiled. "Welcome back to the land of pure humanity," Sam told her.

She smiled. "I don't…I don't feel any different."

"You look different, though," Cas told her. "Your soul, that is."

"Good to know," she groaned as she sat up. She rubbed her wrists, which were almost raw from the shackles.

"Here," Cas stated as he ran a hand over them. They were healed instantly.

"Thanks, Cas. For everything."

He laid a hand on her shoulder. "I am very glad I could help you, Ryan." He turned to Sam. "I must relay the message of this to the council. I will return later." In a blink, he was gone.

Ryan turned to Sam shyly. "So…no one else could take it?"

"You were screaming your head off," he told her. "But, then, I've heard it before. You did the same thing delivering Jon."

She chuckled. "That was forever ago now."

"It's hard to believe, isn't it?"

She stepped down gingerly from the table and her head swam. "I feel like shit." She grabbed Sam's arm and he guided her down the hall to Dean's room.

"You need to rest some more."

She would have argued, but she was having trouble focusing. "O-okay. I'll just…" She felt the bed under her, the pillow under her head, and then nothing more.

The next time she awoke, she had never felt so alone. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed as though she was now farther from Dean than she ever had been. Here, in his bed, she sat up, curled into a ball against his headboard, and sobbed.

She was thankful for the solitude and briefly wondered why she was alone, but then she glanced over at the beside table and notice a sheet of paper with Sam's messy sprawl telling her they'd gone to get food and he would bring her back something.

She smiled a little at the note promising to bring her back a burger, fries, and milkshake from her favorite takeout joint, before she crumpled it up and tossed it into the trashcan where it bounced off the side and fell to the floor. She sighed as she stood and walked over to retrieve the trash, thankful she hadn't felt the least bit dizzy. She glanced around for the paper, but couldn't find it. She dropped to her knees and glanced under the desk. She saw it. Apparently it had bounced around once it landed on the floor. She reached underneath the desk and her hand brushed something leather. Her brow furrowed as she abandoned the paper and found a book.

She blew the dust off it and opened it, gasping at the handwritten title on the first page; "Men of Letters Journal of Dean Winchester."

Her breath caught in her throat as she traced his name with her finger. "Dean…" she whispered as she turned the page.

The first comment made her laugh; "This is so fucking stupid. I can't believe Sammy talked me into writing this damn thing. Well, it's not like I have to do this all the time, right? I mean, just if something really awesome happens that needs to be recorded for posterity."

She smiled at him. He would have written in it, though, because Sam asked him to. Of course. But the second comment under that one made her eyebrow pop up; "So…this is a second journal. Call me a bitch if you want, but I'm keeping this one for me. Dear Diary my ass, but I don't want Sammy reading this shit. It helps. So, I got another one filled with the normal shit. This stuff is all mine. If you're reading this, I put a M.O.L. curse on it so your dick will fall off if you read it." She laughed out loud. Well, she didn't have a dick, so even if he _did _put a spell on it, which she doubted, it wouldn't affect her.

She turned the page and couldn't help falling into the stories by Dean's own hand, filling in the missing pieces of his and Sam's adventures from the point of their first arrival at the bunker through all the hurt and sorrow of Gadreel's deception to Kevin's death, to Sam's hurtful words, to Dean's meet-up with Cain, all the way to a date that made her gasp anew; April Fifth;

"Killed a nest of vampires with Jody last week. Looks like she's got a daughter out of the deal. Met up with Ryan Fawcett again."

She let out a sob as she saw her name written in his handwriting. He had written. About _her_. She could barely see through the tears as she continued to read;

"Fuck. What is it about that woman? She shouldn't affect me the way she does. I'm a hunter. I go off and get pussy every damn week if I want it (well, not so often lately, but that's beside the point.) Hell, I bagged Miss Casa Erotica for God's sake! Right? Right. So…Ryan shouldn't do this to me. She shouldn't get me all stirred up with just a ponytail in her hair, jeans, boots, and an AC/DC shirt. She shouldn't be so fucking perfect it makes me hurt. She shouldn't make me want to love her."

Ryan sucked in a breath. _Love? He doesn't…he didn't…did he? Really? _

"I shouldn't worry about her. I shouldn't want to be a part of those kids' lives. I shouldn't…I can't, can I? I'm poison. I know it. Everyone knows it. Hell, why else would Cas offer to wipe Ben and Lisa's memories? Of course, he knew I was poison, too. Isn't this damn thing on my arm proof of that? I'm a killer. Why else would Cain put this mark on me in the first place? He identified with me. Said he knew I was a killer. A monster, just like him. And I am. I don't deserve anything that woman or those kids have to offer.

"Doesn't stop me from wanting it, though."

_I wanted you to have it, _she thought. She went back to reading…

"Before I wax gooey shit about Ryan, (which I'm ashamed to admit, I might) let me talk about the kid. Holy shit. The kid reminds me of me. For one minute I thought…I could have sworn…but nah, Ryan wouldn't lie about that. That fucking demon ruined her and if I ever got the chance to find that bastard, I'd fuck him up. I swear that much. But the kid, Hope, she's awesome. She really is. She's a smart ass and she's funny and she likes my music, and she loves pie and she's smart as all hell. I can't believe Ryan's training her to be a hunter, but, hell, who can blame her? Ryan had a tough time of it. Of course she would want her kid to be prepared. Especially since she's a girl. Not that being a girl will stop her. I got the feeling that kid could do anything she set her mind to.

"The boy? She named him Bobby. How could she name him Bobby? I get it, I really do. But…that hurt. It really hurt. Bobby, man, you'd love it, though. I know you and I talked about Ryan. I know you loved her like a daughter. I just didn't realize how much she loved you, too."

Ryan blinked. _They talked about me? Bobby, what did you do? _

"But the little guy is cute and shit. I mean, he's little, he doesn't do much other than eat my pie and smile and make weird baby noises, but he's awesome, too. She's got it. She's got this great life and I know, no matter what, I can't see her again. I'm poison, remember? Sam knows it, too. I won't talk about him and how much he hates me. I can't. Not now. I did wrong by him. I know that. He knows that. I just gotta hope he won't hold a grudge forever. He's not me, after all. So, I guess there is hope in that aspect."

Her heart ached as she read Dean's innermost thoughts. She felt like she was intruding, but she couldn't stop as her eyes traveled over the pages once more.

"Man, did we have fun. I haven't laughed like that in ages. We talked all through dinner (which was awesome. Ryan's a hell of a cook. Obviously got it from her mama) and reminisced some about the past. I hadn't realized how long I had known Ryan. Since longer than her daughter had been alive. Well, really, since our births, I guess, but talking about New Orleans made me remember the hurt. God, how hurt had I been that she hadn't stuck around? Waking up alone in that bed the next morning…shit. I'm going girly. But, damn, it hurt. Just like I said in that purity group, always with the adios. She's the one I _wanted _to stay and she's the one that left. The others? Yeah, well, they don't matter that much, do they? But I mean, really, would it kill a woman to stay the night, just once? I mean, I know I'm poison, but do they just sense it? As soon as I'm done, they leave? Shit, shit, shit, I'm acting like a whiny bitch tonight. Where was I? Oh, the good part. After dinner, it was time for the kids to go to bed."

She could imagine him smiling at that, but her heart broke as she realized how much she had hurt him by leaving in New Orleans. But what could she do? She couldn't have stayed.

"The kids were going to bed. I don't know what happened for a minute there. One minute, I was downstairs, talking to Sammy, the next, Ryan was pushing me off her in Bobby's room. I don't know what was up with that. I guess she's just in my blood. I can't think straight when she's around."

Ryan knew now, it was The Mark affecting him, making him act rashly, callously, demanding whatever he thought was his, which, of course, she was his. She belonged to him.

"The things we did that night…she's so open to shit. I mean, she was hurt by those monsters, but with me, she opens up, lets herself go, and it's awesome. I do that. Me. No one else. It's humbling and terrifying and makes me want things I can't want.

"I can't want them. Hope said our parents wanted us to grow up and get married. Knowing my mom and Ryan's as little as I did, I don't know if that's true, but it wouldn't surprise me. Mom always wanted us to have normal lives. Look at how well that turned out. But I'd like to think if I'd had a normal life, it would have been with her. Man, thinking about that again won't do me any good."

_Again? How often did you think about it, Dean? _

"I mean, it was really almost a disservice to Ben and Lisa to be thinking about that with Ryan so soon after…No. I can't go there, either. Shit. When did this become a fucking diary? Oh well, it ain't like anyone is ever going to read this. I'll burn this shit before anyone gets a chance to see it. I can't…if anyone saw this, saw how I felt about her; Abaddon, Metatron, even Crowley, they'd use her as a pawn. I can't do that. They all know Sam is my weakness. They don't need to know Ryan and her kids are, too."

Ryan sucked in a breath. _We are? _

"She called me an idiot, for getting this mark. She's not wrong. I feel it. I feel different. I don't feel any happiness. Not that I ever had a lot to be happy about, and I sure as hell wasn't some jolly asshole in the first place, but it's like…it's like there's a dementor attached to me (and I will deny to my grave that I read those books!)"

Ryan smiled. _You aren't fooling anyone, your Royal Nerd-ness. Sam told me about how you LARP'd and loved every freaking minute of it._

"She told me. About what those monsters did to her. Raeburn. What that bastard did to her. How he destroyed everything innocent in her. I remember that night like it was yesterday, Sammy drawing that devil's trap, me pulling that bastard out of her…but her telling me what they did to her in that barn…I can't…I can't fathom it. Ryan, why did that shit have to happen to you? You're as cursed as I am, aren't you? Not that it makes anything any easier, but it's true. I guess some of us are just meant to suffer more than others. We're so damn alike, it's not even funny. I don't believe in Fate, but if I did, I could almost say we were connected or something."

_We are! _her thoughts cried. _We are, Dean! _

"I almost told her. I almost said it. I don't know how it works, and I know it can't work, but I love her. I'm not even sure I know what that means, but I do. It's…it's different than anything I've ever felt before. I want her, but I know I can't have her. But it's more than that. I want her happy. I want her naked. I want her with me. But I know I can't have that. So…I want her happy. And it fucking sucks. I-I love her. I'm in love with her, okay? I care about her beyond all rationality. I shouldn't. I don't even _know _her, not really, but I love her. And I think I always have. I don't know how, but I have. She was on my mind the entire time between yanking that demon out of her right up until I saw her sexy little ass at college. That night…something changed in me that night. It was like a switch was flipped. I wanted to be with her, but I knew I couldn't, not while Dad was still hunting that yellow eyed bastard. After that, I ran into her in New Orleans and, hell, maybe it was fate leading us together. I would have given her the damn world that night, but she up and left me in the morning and I was so damn angry over it. Once I killed that yellow-eyed fucker, then the rollercoaster of a shitstorm called my life kept me from being with her. And now, I know she's got kids, I can't do it. Maybe, if she had just been some hunter chick, no strings attached, I could have…but I can't screw up anyone else's kids. I can't do it. I won't do it. So, yeah, I love her. But it's not enough. I can't do that to her, to them. Jeez. I'm such a fucking girl."

Ryan blinked as it ended. The next entries talked about Castiel's army and then she read the gruesome details of Abaddon's death. She paled as she saw how Dean's personality seemed to change as he relished the kill, going over details of how it felt to "sink that blade deep in that bitch's gut." She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat and snapped the book shut.

She pulled it to her chest and hugged it. Here was what she needed. Dean did love her, once upon a time. It gave her courage that one day, maybe, he would forgive her. He would see what she did and why she did it. He had to.

* * *

**March Eleventh**

Ryan managed to drag herself down the stairs and collapsed into a kitchen chair.

"Wow. You look like hammered shit," Tory told her as she brought over a cup of coffee.

Ryan accepted it with a yawn. "God bless you."

Tory snorted. "I'm fucking one of His angels. Got the feeling I ain't got blessings coming my way."

Ryan chuckled but the mirth died off her face as she laid her head on her arm.

"What's wrong with you?"

Ryan yawned again. "It's like I can't recharge my batteries. I'm exhausted all the time."

"You think we need to get Hope or Cas to look at you? We don't need you getting sick, kid."

"I'm fine," Ryan replied on another yawn.

"Yeah, because you're completely normal," Tory deadpanned.

Ryan shot her a look. "I've never _been _normal. I see no point in starting now."

"Too true. Still…" Tory looked skyward and called; "Castiel! If you have a minute…"

The flutter of wings clued Ryan in to the fact Cas had arrived. "I am too busy for a…oh, hello, Ryan."

Ryan's lip quirked. "Finish that sentence, Cas. I need it like the air I breathe."

Cas had the decency to look embarrassed and Tory laughed at him. "I think he was going to say he was too busy for a booty call."

Ryan smiled over her mug before taking another sip of coffee. "Please tell me you were legit going to use the words 'booty call' and I will feel infinite times better."

Cas cleared his throat. "I am to assume this is not a social call?"

"We need you to diagnose Ryan."

"I am not a doctor. I'm an angel of the Lord, Tory."

Ryan laughed. "Look, Bones, I know you're not a doctor. Tory just thinks you can, like, scan me, see what's wrong."

He put his chin in his hand and looked at her. "May I?" he asked as he reached out his other hand.

"Be my guest," she stated flatly.

He put his hand on her and she felt a warm sensation travel through her. "Hmm."

"Hmm? Hmm isn't good."

"Hmm also isn't bad," Tory countered.

Ryan yawned once more and closed her eyes as the sleepiness invaded once more.

"Ryan?"

Castiel's deep voice startled her. "I'm up! I'm up!" she called tiredly.

"It appears the blood I gave you is working through you much like the trials did Sam."

"The trials almost killed Sam," she reminded the angel.

"Yes. I know."

"Well…I'm not getting anymore blood, so…I should be fine, right?"

"In theory."

"Fabulous," she sneered.

"But you are still demon free. That can not be a bad thing."

"I suppose not…"

He patted her shoulder. "You will be fine, Ryan. Just give yourself time. It is not killing you. Take heart in that."

"Thanks," she muttered as he left again. She downed the rest of the coffee. "Okay. Let's go start our day…"

They arrived at the bunker with two wild little boys in tow. "I'll handle them today. I wanted to work on Jon's aim with his knives. Bobby can show him some."

"Thanks, Tor."

Tory winked at her. "Hey, it's all good. That's what I'm here for. It is, after all, why I moved in with you."

"And here, I thought you just wanted to get away from the bunker."

"Well, there was that…"

They shared a chuckle then went their separate ways.

Ryan was in a fog most of the day. She couldn't concentrate and kept nodding off. "You okay?" she heard Sam ask as he entered the kitchen later in the day. She was busy pouring herself her tenth cup of coffee. The caffeine didn't seem to be doing a damn thing to help her. She sat the cup down and instead, reached into the refrigerator for a Mountain Dew. Maybe she needed caffeine plus sugar.

"Peachy," came her reply.

He frowned at her. "What's going on?"

She shrugged and sat down at the table. "Nothing."

"Ryan…" he warned.

She sighed. "I feel like crap. I'm exhausted. Cas came down this morning and said it was just the angel blood running through me, said I'd be fine."

"But…?"

She smiled softly. "You know me too well."

"It's a gift."

She snorted and sat in silence for a moment. He remained quiet as he, too, sat, and put his huge hand over hers. She sighed. "I…I feel so far away from him now. Like…the demon blood was making me closer to him, you know? It's like…all the shit we've been though, we were at least edging toward a level playing field."

"Surely you didn't _want _to become a demon…" Sam began.

"Of course not! No, I just…I don't know. Between being his and being Jon's mom, I just…I figured I was supposed to have it. I don't care about the mojo, not really. I mean, it was cool and all, but unnecessary. I don't want to be a pawn in Lucifer's game, Sam. I really don't."

"But?"

She sighed. "But part of me just wanted to be like Dean. Like, if I was similar, I could…" she blew out a breath. "I'm stupid. And exhausted. And rambling. I'm not making a damn bit of sense."

"You still want him, Ryan. I don't think you'll ever not want him. It's…it's natural, I guess. I mean, he's the king of hell, but he's still my brother. I haven't seen him in almost five years. That doesn't stop me from wanting to talk to him. To this day, when I hear something funny, my first thought is, 'Dean would get a kick out of this' and I can't rewire my brain, Ryan. Neither can you."

"I know. I just…five years. It's hard to believe it's been that long."

"I have to think, eventually, you'll see him again, Ryan."

She sighed. "Yeah, I just wonder what shape we'll both be in by the time I do," she mused softly.

Sam just looked at her and frowned.

"Yo! Mama Bear!" she heard.

She turned to see Ben and Jesse walking down the steps into the bunker. "Boys! Hi! Good hunt?"

Ben just grinned. "You mean did we gank that evil witch? Yes. Did Jesse have to save my ass from a hex bag? Yes."

Ryan chortled. "Well, at least you're honest."

"It was nothing," Jesse stated softly.

Ryan put a hand on his arm. "It's everything if you can keep your brother-in-arms safe, Jess."

He smiled. "Where are the girls?"

"You mean your girlfriend? She and Krissy are hunting a chupacabra in Wyoming."

"Think I could…?"

She smirked. "Be my guest. But you'd better make sure she keeps her head in the game!" she shouted as he winked out of sight. She sighed. "Teleporting half-demons," she muttered.

Ben sat across from her and propped his feet up on the table. "Personally, I need some down time. I'm worn out. And my stomach still feels like a mariachi band is doing the samba in there."

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "Ugh. I remember that one all too well."

"You got hit with a hex bag, Ryan?"

She nodded. "Yep. Started puking up blood. Not fun. Hit my head. But, hey, I killed a witch and met up with Dean, so, it's all good…"

"New Orleans," he stated, awe in his voice.

She nodded. "Yeah. New Orleans."

He smirked. "Isn't that where Hope was conceived?"

Her eyebrow shot up. "Not that it is your business, Benjamin, but, yes."

He smirk remained, but he kept quiet.

She rolled her eyes. "Just like your father," she mused. He didn't argue. Over the past few years, he had quit arguing when someone compared him to Dean. Now, at least, it seemed as though he was embracing the concept. He had even gone so far as to use "Winchester" as his last name on occasion.

They heard a flutter of wings and suddenly, Castiel was standing before them with a young woman in his arms. "I need help," he began.

Everyone jumped into action as they crowded around the girl Cas was laying on one of the tables. He ran his hand over her, healing multiple cuts all over her exposed skin. "Cas, man, who is she?" Ryan asked.

"My daughter."

At the stunned silence, he followed with, "Not mine, but my vessel's. Jimmy Novak's daughter, Claire."

"She's beautiful, Cas."

"But what is she doing here? Where was she?" Sam asked.

Cas turned to look at him. "She has been hunting angels. She almost met her match in one of my brethren tonight."

"Hunting…"

Cas nodded. "Because of me. Because I took her father away from her. Because I almost took her away…"

Ryan put a hand on his arm, as did Sam. "You did the best you could, Cas," she told him softly.

"There should be another way. There must be another way," he stated defiantly as his eyes burned angel blue.

"There is, Cas. I've got two examples of them."

He nodded. "Yes. Perhaps that is something we should look into. I do not know…if we had a fleet of angels unawares, then, perhaps they could get their time to shine as normal humans, then they could understand better. Perhaps…"

Just then, Claire began to stir. "Cas, man, blow out of here for a few minutes," Ryan implored.

"Why?"

"Because, if she's been hunting angels to get to you, then, maybe you need to am-scray."

He thought a moment, nodded, and vanished. Ryan turned back to the girl. "Sam, I think you should, too."

"Why?"

"Last time I checked, she might remember you."

He nodded slowly. "Got it."

"Andy?" Ryan began.

Andrea, who had been working quietly with the little boys, keeping them out of the way as Castiel had barged in, walked over. "Yes?"

"I think you should handle her."

"Why me?"

"Because, you know what it's like to have a family member taken away from you by possession."

Andy opened her mouth then snapped it shut before she nodded. "Okay."

"Ben, you take the little dudes for a while, alright?"

Ben tore his eyes away from the beautiful blonde laying on the table and nodded. "Sure, Ryan. Come on, guys. Let's go play."

The two little boys chorused a "YAY!" as they tore over to Ben, who began walking up the steps to go outside.

Ryan turned back to the girl whose eyes popped open and she was sitting up faster than they could blink. "What's going on?! Where am I!?" she demanded.

Ryan held up both hands. "Whoa, it's okay, Claire, you're among friends."

The girl's eyes narrowed. "How do you know my name? What's going on?"

"You're safe. That's the first thing. You're in the Men of Letters bunker. We are hunters."

"All of you?"

Ryan nodded. "Yes."

"Where is that bastard? Where is Castiel?!"

"Whoa, sugar, just hold on a minute…"

"He stole my father! I want revenge!"

"Actually, your father willingly scarified himself to be Castiel's vessel. Lucifer killed your father, Claire. Cas took over Jimmy's body, yes, but Jimmy has been safe in heaven for years."

Claire blinked. "What?"

Ryan sighed as exhaustion took over again. "Andy, can you…?"

Andy looked at her friend with worry, but nodded, as she began explaining what had happened and how Cas was their friend. "He's a good person, Claire."

"He isn't a person at all," Claire shot back.

Ryan rubbed her temples. "Look. I know you think all angels are dickbags. Most of them are. But Cas? He's a good one. Yes, he's screwed up a lot, who hasn't? But he's not a bad person. Creature. Angel. Whatever the hell he is. He's one of the best."

"And you know this, how?"

"Because, I've been possessed by an angel before, Claire. I know you have, too. You know he only wanted to help. So, let him help you. Where is your mother?"

"Dead."

"I'm sorry, sugar. We're all orphans here."

The girl's eyes narrowed. "I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for justice!"

"I believe I have received justice aplenty," Cas said softly as he reappeared.

"You!"

Tory and Andy grabbed the girl as she lunged for Cas, who remained passive. "Please, Claire, know I meant no ill will. Had I known…in the beginning, when I asked your father's permission, I did not realize this was where this would take me. I thought it would be just a one-time occurrence. I had no idea I would be swept up into an apocalypse or what followed. I had intended to return him to you virtually unscathed. I didn't realize…"

"You angels! You all play god, Castiel!"

"We have, yes. I have no excuse for us. We use you humans as much as we help you. It is not fair, I know. And if you wish for my murder, certainly, you may kill me. But please, spare my brethren. Your issues are with me, not them."

"Cas! No!" Tory shouted. "You can't let her kill you!"

Cas turned to Tory. "Victoria. I have come to care for you very much. But surely you must see I can not let this continue. She can not continue killing angels in place of me. If she wishes me dead, I will, of course, let her avenge her father's death if she promises to stop killing innocents."

"No!" Tory cried and Ryan dashed to her as she began sobbing.

Claire looked from Cas to Tory. "You're in love with her. You're in love with a human."

"My love for humanity is what caused me to accept the task of storming hell to save Dean Winchester in the first place. But, yes, I am in love with Victoria Allard. It is a fool's mission, but I am."

Claire's face was a mask of confusion. "And you love him, too?" she asked Tory.

"More than my own life. You kill him, you kill me."

"Wow. I…I don't know what to say. I expected to find him like he was, a warrior. Now, I'm sure he is, but he's…"

"Multifaceted," Ryan supplied.

Claire nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Where were you, Claire? You said your mother died?"

"In the system. I ran away when I was seventeen. Been on the run ever since. I started hunting around then. Learned everything I could about angels…killed a few demons along the way, nothing major. I was after my whale. And now, I find out he's nothing more than an angelfish."

Castiel's brows quirked and his head cocked to the side as he regarded her. "I am still a warrior, Claire."

"Yeah, but you're different. You're more…human."

Cas nodded. "Indeed."

Claire blew out a breath. "Well, damn. No killing today, I guess."

"You could stay, if you would like," Ryan offered. "You know where we are now. You said you are a hunter?"

"A half-ass one, but, yes."

"If you would like more formal training, we have a few other young people who are hunters as well."

"Why?"

Ryan shrugged. "We're all orphans, Claire. Might as well take in another."

The girl eyed her a moment before she smiled.

* * *

**July Fourth **

"Remind me why I agreed to this?" Ryan asked as she, Sam, and Bobby made their way to a certain graffiti covered wall.

Sam eyed Bobby, who was all but vibrating with excitement, machete in his hip holster, holding Dean's purgatory weapon in his hand. "Because he's ready? And he's already extremely powerful? And we want to see what he can do?"

"He could get killed, Sam. This is Purgatory!"

"And he's got angel mojo out the ying-yang, Ryan."

She just stared at him. "Please. For the love of God. Never use the expression 'ying-yang' again, okay, Sam?"

He just snorted and smiled before he eyed the door. "Now what?"

"Now, we wait for…"

"You two are crazy," Meg stated as she appeared behind them.

Ryan smiled. "Hi, Meg. Long time, no see."

She frowned. "Okay, so, if you traipse down into Hell, I'm not going to save your asses."

"We're just going to Purgatory, Meg."

"Again. Not going to save your asses."

"So noted. Now, if you don't mind…?"

Meg rolled her eyes but opened the portal for them.

Ryan gasped as they appeared in the forest. "Wow. It looks exactly the same."

Sam snorted. "Last time I checked, Purgatory wasn't known for its progression."

"Bite me, Sam."

"You wish," he retorted as he turned a circle. "Now what?"

She glanced at Bobby. Today was his eighth birthday. And Sam was right; he had power out the ying-yang. He wasn't a full blooded angel, yet, but it was quite evident he was way more powerful than Hope. It was also quite obvious he was Gabriel. Occasionally he talked to Sam and Ryan both as he would have. It was as if Gabriel was trying to shine through and couldn't quite make it, almost like he was coming through the veil. But the rest of the time, he was just an eight year old kid. It was as confusing as it was fascinating. "You okay?" she whispered to him.

His wide brown eyes looked at hers. "Are you kidding? This is awesome."

She smirked and ran a hand over his soft brown hair. He had insisted on wearing it a little longer than she would have liked, but he hadn't reached "Sam Hair" status yet, so she would let him do whatever.

"Be alert. Remember what we've taught you," Sam warned the boy. He glanced at Ryan. "Do you think we should have brought Cas?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "Don't you think one angel is enough to send out the beacon that we're here? I don't think we need anything else."

"Good point," he mused as he glanced around.

"So…what do we do?" Bobby asked softly.

Ryan shrugged. "Let's just…we'll just play it like we're going on a hike. Then we'll see what we'll see."

They started walking, keeping hyper vigilant as they strolled. "I still can't believe we're doing this," Ryan seethed. It wasn't that she was angry. She just realized how nuts they all were. It was crazy, right? Bringing her eight year old son to Purgatory? For crying out loud, she was an idiot. However, they weren't being attacked just yet, so, that was good. Wasn't it?

"Dude, I'm so _bored_," Bobby stated about thirty minutes later. "Why haven't we run up on any monsters? It's like we're at the beginning of Jurassic Park and all the dinosaurs are no-shows."

At that moment, Ryan heard a growl behind them. She stopped as her blood ran cold. "Yeah? Well, I think we're about to meet a T-Rex…"

They all turned as a pack of werewolves attacked.

Ryan got caught up in the fight, but it didn't stop her from a) watching out after her son, and b) watch him work. He was small, but he was vicious. It was as if he had given himself over to the bloodlust. By the time she and Sam had dispatched of most of the wolves, there was only one left fighting Bobby. Sam started to move in, but Ryan held him back. "Stop."

"He's getting tired."

"Wait," she warned softly as she watched. Something was happening. The boy was as gifted with a machete and Dean's Purgatory weapon as she imagined Dean himself had been, but there was something else, a ruthlessness within the boy coming to the surface. Her eyes widened as she heard him let out an inhuman growl as he moved in, jumped on the wolf, knocking them both to the ground. That was when he ripped the creature's throat out. With his teeth. Vampire teeth.

"Holy shit," Sam muttered.

"Purgatory is pure," Ryan breathed. Of course. It only made sense that his vampire side would come to the surface here.

Bobby leapt off the carcass and smiled as his fangs retracted and he wiped his arm across his mouth. "So? Did I do good?"

Ryan smiled despite herself as she knelt before him. "Bobby? Or Gabriel?"

The boy's eyes lit blue, but the smirk was all Winchester. "Both."

She nodded. "Yes you are my sweet killing machine."

He blinked and looked at Sam. "What's next?"

Sam seemed stuck for words, so Ryan stood and offered her hand to the boy, who took it as any eight year old would when his mom held out a hand. "I think we'll just travel to the river and clean up a little from that tussle, then, we'll see what other trouble we can get into."

"Cool!" he shouted as he dashed toward the riverbed.

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "Breathe, Sam."

Sam took in a deep breath. "Holy shit," he repeated.

Ryan nodded. "I know. But he's still Bobby G, right?" It was one of their nicknames for the boy when he was mostly Bobby, but still showed a bit of his angel juice.

"I think it should be Bobby V. Fangs? How long has he had those?"

She shrugged as they walked toward the water. "We stopped doing fang checks on him about a year ago, didn't we?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But, shit, Ryan, this complicates things."

"How? It isn't like he drank the guy, just killed him."

"It's a sad day when those words mean so little to me."

She snorted. "Yeah, well, the fact remains…"

They walked to the water and Ryan slipped off her plaid overshirt to wipe some of the blood and dirt off her arms. She was enjoying the sensation of the cool water when she heard Bobby growl next to her. Her head popped up and she saw a figure in the shadows across the water. Something was familiar in the way it moved and she laid a gentle hand on Bobby's shoulder. "I think he's a friendly."

"In Purgatory?"

Ryan smiled as Benny came into view. "Yeah. He is."

The little boy's brows furrowed before his eyes widened. "Benny?"

Ryan nodded and Bobby launched himself across the water at the vampire. "Benny!"

Benny caught the boy and looked at Ryan in surprise a moment before he returned the little guy's hug. Bobby finished his hug, then jumped down and tugged on Benny's hand, leading him to Sam and Ryan.

Benny accepted a handshake from Sam, then he turned to Ryan. "You got a little something to tell me about this boy, sugar?"

Ryan smiled. "I told you he was part vampire."

"But you left out the part about him bein' an angel. What you playin', bringing him here?"

"I'm practicing. Today's my birthday! I'm eight!"

Benny just looked at him. "He don't look much like Dean, but it's there." He knelt down to the boy. "You're Bobby, right?"

The boy nodded solemnly. "Robert Gabriel. I'm an angel of the Lord but I'm also a vampire. It's cool." And to prove his point, he dropped his fangs for Benny to see.

Benny smiled at him. "Only Dean Winchester would have an angel/vampire hybrid."

Ryan shrugged. "Well, we just say we've seen it all and move on."

"What did you bring him here for?"

"I don't know. We just…something told us to bring him here."

"And did it ever occur to you how you're gonna get him out of here? Last time I checked, only human souls can travel through the portal."

Ryan felt the blood leave her face. "Oh…my…Sam! We didn't…"

"It's okay, Mom. All angels know how to get out of Purgatory if they get stuck. Call it a…back door method. We aren't supposed to be here."

Ryan blinked. "What?"

He nodded. "It's easy. I can do it, no problem."

"But Dean said Cas couldn't leave. It took Naomi pulling him out of Purgatory," Sam began.

Bobby shook his head. "Nuh-uh. We know how to get out. Cas didn't _want _to leave. He was paying his penance. Naomi dragged him out of here unwillingly." The little boy shivered. "Naomi…I'm glad she's dead. She was awful."

Benny's eyes widened, but Ryan knelt down in front of her son. "Why was she so awful, Gabe?"

The boy's eyes were wide with fear. "She was our disciplinarian, like an old timey school marm. If we did something bad, we paid the price…"

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "And I'm guessing you did a few bad things?"

"Just tricks. None of the other angels could take a joke. But Hope did. She always laughed. That's why I chose her…" His brows furrowed and he blinked. "Mom?"

Ryan smiled. "I'm here, buddy."

"I remembered, didn't I?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you did."

He closed one eye as he thought, much like Ryan would do when she was thinking. "Okay. Okay. Good. I think."

She pulled him to her and hugged him. "It is good. You'll need those memories eventually."

"He do that often?" she heard Benny ask Sam.

"More and more each day," Sam told the vampire honestly.

"Fascinating." Benny paused. "So…what ya'll doin' here? Practicing?"

"The prophecies," Ryan told him. "When Robert Gabriel is older, he will come to Purgatory. To rule, I suppose…"

Benny just looked at her. "Ya'll think we need ruling?"

Ryan sighed as she applied some of the cool water to her face. "I'm not sure, to be honest."

Just then, they heard the rustling sound of something flying toward them. "Damn it all," she heard Benny mutter.

"What?" she managed.

"Leviathans!" he shouted as he turned.

Ryan's machete was in her hand before she had a moment to think, as were Sam and Bobby's.

Five black mists dropped out of the sky and materialized into beings. "Well, well, well, as I live and breathe. Sam Winchester?"

Ryan shot a look Sam's way and saw his eyes narrow. "Dick."

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "Dick Roman?"

Dick smiled. "Hello. And you are…?"

She twirled her machete around in her hand like one would a baton. "Dean Winchester's wife."

Dick smirked. "Ahhhh, yes, I heard about dear old Dean. I left him alone while we were here, partly because I had to regain some of my strength, but now, I heard he's running things next door. Interesting…"

Beside her, Bobby's body shook with barely controlled rage. "You stop talking about my dad!"

Dick looked surprised before that smarmy smile reappeared on his face. "Oh good. He bred. Lovely. Too bad you won't live to see your next birthday, kid."

Bobby's eyes burned blue only seconds before his fangs descended, and he attacked.

The battle began and Ryan could barely keep up. These things were vicious and nothing slowed them down and even with Benny there, they were still outnumbered. Sam was fighting off two of the creatures while she and Benny had one each, but Bobby…he was fighting the king monster and Ryan's blood was running cold as she watched between blows of her own as her son battled. He was holding his own quite well until Dick managed to slice at Bobby's chest and Ryan felt her rage grow. That dark, black bubbling happened within her and she felt a moment of pure unadulterated hatred as she found the energy to slice off the Leviathan's head before her hand twisted and she felt this ball of energy build within her. "No!" she shouted as she pushed it and it knocked Dick flat on his ass.

She strode over to him, still holding out her hand, twisting it, and she saw him continue to struggle as her power pinned him down. "No, Dick. Listen to me. I'm your worst nightmare. You are one of the reasons for so much pain and suffering in our family. I'm not going to let you live. I'm going to let you sit here, powerless, while my son cuts off your head, because apparently you can't die. Then, I'll just carry it and throw it in the river. Then, your minions will have to hunt for it, first."

"Mom…" she heard, but it was as if Bobby was far away instead of standing right beside her.

"Go, Bobby. Do it now," she managed through clenched teeth. She was feeling tired all of a sudden, but she had to do this. Bobby had to do this.

"This is for my father, Dick," he said as he sliced.

Ryan released her power and fell to the ground.

"Mom!" Bobby cried as his arms wrapped around her neck.

She patted his back. "I'm okay," she managed wearily. "I'm okay."

"What happened, Ryan?" Sam asked as he approached.

She swallowed hard. "I, uh, I don't think Castiel's treatment worked." She glanced at Bobby. "Bob?"

His little face was soulful and sad. "Mom…your eyes…"

She felt her stomach drop. "Did they go black?" she asked fearfully.

"Th-They started to. Black filled up all the brown. It was scary," he confessed.

She took a stuttering breath. "Okay. Okay. We'll…I'll just have Cas do the whammy again. It'll be fine…" She looked at Sam's concerned face, and even Benny didn't look too thrilled. "I'm fine, guys. I'm not going to vamp out on you." She side-eyed Benny and smiled. "No offense…"

He held up both hands. "None taken, sugar. But let's move on, shall we? I don't want to be here when their heads pop back on."

Ryan nodded and stood. She was covered in black goo. "Yuck. Nasty."

Sam chuckled. "You get used to it."

She watched Bobby walk over to Benny and start talking as they began walking away. "Sam?"

He turned to her. "Ryan…I don't know what we're going to do about this. About you."

She shook her head. "Me either." She glanced at her son again. "But, one problem at a time, okay? Let's just get through this day. Then we can deal with my issues."

He clapped her on the back gently. "Way to sweep it under the rug, Winchester."

She smirked despite herself. "Hey, 'Denial' is my middle name. Didn't you know that?"

He just shook his head.

Five hours, two skin walkers, and a band of merry vampires later, they stopped at the river once more to clean up.

"You know, despite the monsters that abound, this place is really beautiful," Ryan mused from where she was kneeling by the water.

"Yes, it is," a soft voice said behind them.

They all whipped around and Benny's eyes grew wide with fear as he quickly knelt on one knee. "Your Majesty," he stated.

Ryan heard Sam gasp. "Eve?"

Ryan looked at the woman, who looked to be just over a teenager as she smiled softly. "Hello, Samuel Winchester. It has been a long time since your brother killed me."

"But…you're dead."

She shrugged delicately. "This is my home. I live here. I died. I returned here. I rule this place."

"You didn't show yourself to Dean when he was here."

She shook her head. "No. But I knew he was here. I always know when one of my own comes home, even if he is not still one of mine." She quietly approached Bobby, and to everyone's surprise, she bowed down low before him. "Gabriel, dear. Whatever have you done to yourself?"

Sam and Ryan shot each other a look as the boy's eyes lit blue. "Eve. I didn't anticipate seeing you this trip."

She smiled as she stood only momentarily before she sat upon the ground. Bobby did as well and she reached for his hand. She put it on her cheek and Ryan was surprised to see a tear slip down the girl's face. "I have missed you, Loki."

"A lot has happened, Eve."

She frowned. "I heard about your dalliances with Kali."

The little boy shrugged. "I helped you create monsters, Eve. I didn't know you were in love with me at the time. I came back, though, didn't I?"

"Yes. But then you left me again." The girl pouted. "When I heard of your demise, I cried for a solid year."

Bobby laughed. "Do you not know me better than that? I will always return to you, my love."

"'My love'?" Sam mouthed to Ryan, who just shrugged.

"So I see. But…why are you in this form?"

"Lucifer tried to kill me. He almost succeeded. I escaped, but my vessel was destroyed. I lived within Ryan for a time until this new vessel was created by her and Dean Winchester."

The girl gasped. "The prophecies?"

Bobby nodded. "They are coming true."

"At long last…after all the monsters we created, all the lovely things we did together, Loki…at long last, you will finally rule by my side."

Sam started to open his mouth, but Ryan just shook her head. It was swimming with this new information, but it didn't surprise her. Nothing did anymore, not when it came to her children.

"Yes. I will."

"And you'll let me out of my cage from time to time?" she asked hopefully.

Bobby sighed. "Eve…"

"Come on. I did what I had to when those idiots released me. If I could have changed things, if I had known you were alive…"

"I didn't have a vessel when you were on earth, Eve. I couldn't have done anything."

"You could have taken over whomever you were possessing…"

Bobby looked at Ryan and she didn't see her son then. She only saw an angel in her son's body. It frightened her a bit. He sighed and glanced back at Eve. "Ryan and I didn't have that type of relationship. I respected her, as she respected me."

"What do humans know of respect?"

"We have had this discussion for millennia, Eve. You, yourself, were human, once upon a time."

"That was forever ago, before I was cursed, Gabriel. Before I was punished. Before my home was turned into a monster's paradise."

"You have a good life here, don't you?"

"That's not the point!"

He shrugged. "I can't give you the moon _and _the stars, kid. It doesn't work that way."

Her lip quirked. "You're the kid, Gabriel."

He glanced down at himself and smile ruefully. "Only for a few more years. The prophecy will be fulfilled by my twentieth year. At that time, I will be able to rule here with you, full time."

"I can't believe…after all these years…I had begun to believe the prophecies were just pillow talk, Gabe."

"I'm an angel of my word, Eve."

"You are also part of me, of my children."

"It was the only way."

She touched his arm and his fangs descended unbidden. She clapped her hands in joy. "Oh! They're gorgeous!"

He retracted them and smiled. "As are you. I like this vessel you are projecting."

She brushed at the fabric of her dirty dress. "Thank you."

"Are we…are we watching your eight year old son flirt with a woman who looks twice his age?"

Ryan chortled. "He's Dean's, Sam."

"Obviously."

Ryan, Benny, and Sam sat as well, propped up against a few trees while Eve and Gabriel talked. It was surreal, but what could anyone do? Finally, Bobby stood, brushed off his rear, and walked back over to them. "Uh, so…that's Eve…"

"You could have warned me you two had a…relationship," Ryan admonished gently.

"I didn't remember until now. And it all came out like a flood." The boy paled. "I remembered things I didn't want to remember. I'm eight! That's…ugh. Nasty." He turned to Sam. "I, uh, I think I need to talk to a guy, Sam."

Ryan's eyes widened and Sam, too, paled. "Uh…sure, bud. We can handle that."

"Okay. Good. So, Eve's going to go now. I guess I'll be coming back sometime soon. I told her to look after Benny, since he's like, one of my dad's best friends."

"Much obliged," Benny stated with a head bob. "You all going to hang out a bit more?"

Ryan glanced at her watch. They had said they might be gone until the next day. "What do you think, Sam?"

He shrugged. "I think it's up to the birthday boy."

"Let's stay a little while longer. Eve promised me she would try to find Emma now that she knows about her."

"Who?"

Bobby glowered at Sam. "My half sister you shot and killed, Sam."

Sam swallowed hard. "Bobby…"

Ryan's brow furrowed a moment before she remembered…the Amazon. "How do you know about her, Bobby?"

"I remember everything you ever read to me in the womb. I remember you reading me the gospel surrounding her birth. She could have helped fulfill the prophecies were she still alive…"

"I will not apologize for that, Bobby," Sam stated defensively.

"I wouldn't expect you to, Sam." Bobby shot back.

"Okay, cool it you two."

"What in the blue blazes are ya'll goin' on about?" Benny wanted to know.

Ryan blew out a breath. "Dean's like a delicate little bee, pollinating the earth." At Benny's continued look of confusion, she said, "Him and an Amazon hooked up. Emma happened. She was sent to kill Dean. Sam killed her. That's it."

Benny blinked. "Okay then…" He glanced at Sam. "And you still don't have any offspring?"

Sam just glared at him. "Apparently I'm a little safer than my idiot brother."

"Clearly," Ryan growled as she followed Bobby, who had started walking in the direction Eve had disappeared in. "Gabriel, wait up."

He paused and slipped his hand in hers. "I'm still me, Mom. I'm still Bobby, too, you know."

She nodded. "I do. But it's confusing. I'm a simple human, babe."

He grinned at that. "You've never been just a simple human, Mom."

She side arm hugged him. "Thanks, kid. So…you and Eve?"

He blushed. "I guess so? I mean, I remembered bits and pieces. I remember making the creatures with her. We had fun, creating monsters…"

"You…you helped create the things we kill?"

He frowned. "It wasn't one of my finest hours. I got swept up in her, I guess. I don't…I don't know. I don't remember that part."

"Maybe you're just not old enough to understand the concept of how screwed over you can get when you're in love."

He shrugged. "I guess."

"So…the two of you, huh?"

"Stranger things have happened," he stated aloofly.

"Yeah, I just can't help but wonder why they always seem to happen to us."

Two nights later, Ryan blew out a breath as she took the bottle to the back porch. She had a lot to think about. She slipped onto the top of the picnic table, put her feet on the seat, and took a generous gulp of the alcohol.

"Knew I'd find you here," she heard from the dark.

She held out the bottle to Sam. "I was waiting for you to come."

He took the bottle from her and swigged it. "We need to talk," he said as he handed her the bottle back.

She eyed the bottle in her hand, but she wasn't seeing it, not really. "I almost black-eyed it in Purgatory. I figured you'd swing by to talk about it."

"Ryan, what the hell?"

She thought a moment before she responded. "I honestly don't know." She had spent the past few days thinking about it. She and Sam hadn't had time to talk thanks to Bobby's power spiking from their little jaunt. Everyone had been home for Bobby's birthday, so privacy had been thin across the wire until the older kids had left just an hour before, going different directions for hunts.

"Clearly you're not getting your powers from Jon. You're getting them from Dean."

She nodded. She had suspected as much. "I told Cas I thought this might happen. Not that the angel juice wouldn't take, but that it was coming from Dean. We're soul mates. If his soul is black and twisted, it only figures mine would become dark and twisty, too."

"What are we going to do?"

She had thought long and hard about this ever since she lost it against Dick Roman. She sucked in a breath. "If this happens, Sam, and I go darkside, you've got to take me out."

"Ryan…"

Her eyes pled for him to understand. "Listen to me. I've given it a lot of thought. A metric shit-ton of thought, actually. I've got it all figured out. The kids…they're doing great. You and Andy could raise them from here on out. I've got faith in you." She bit her lip as a tear dropped down her face. No. She had to be strong about this. She couldn't chicken out. Sam needed to know her plan. "You can't kill me outright. I'd be afraid I'd turn into a real demon. Then I wouldn't be able to…I'm afraid you couldn't stop me. And, as juiced as I am on this demon crap, I guess I won't get in upstairs, either. So…next vamp case, I'm going to extract some blood. I'm going to save it so if I start getting worse, I'll inject myself. I wouldn't ask you to do that. Then, when I'm vamped out, you chop my head off. I go to Purgatory."

"Ryan…"

"Sam, if I go to Purgatory, Lucifer can't get his hands on me and I won't open the cage. It solves everything. This is meant to happen."

"No, Ryan. I can't. I can't kill you any more than I could kill Dean."

She swallowed hard. "Damn it, Sam, you may not have a choice! I don't want to be one of those…those things! I don't want to be a fucking demon! I can't be! Don't you get that? I can't be a demon and I can't destroy anyone and I sure as hell can _not _let Lucifer out of his cage! This is the safest way!"

He opened his mouth but snapped it shut, grabbed the alcohol from next to her and guzzled the rest of the bottle. When he was finished, he threw it against the wall of the house and it shattered. "Fuck," he muttered.

"Sam…?"

"I'll do it," he stated in a defeated tone. "But only as a last resort, Ryan. I couldn't save my brother, but I damn sure am going to save my sister."

* * *

**September Thirtieth**

Ryan threw her head back against the headrest and gave the binoculars to Tory. "I'm so fucking bored!" _And exhausted, _she added mentally. After her little demon stunt in Purgatory, Castiel had once again attempted to purify her. And just like last time, she found herself in a state of constant hangover. She couldn't get enough sleep and was nauseated half the time. It was a bitch from beginning to end. But, if it kept her from becoming a monster, she was game. Sam had even wanted her to stop hunting, and she hadn't gone out on a hunt since Bobby's birthday, until now. No one else was available, and since it was a monster instead of a demon, Andy had suggested Ryan go with Tory on this hunt. Ryan had never been so glad to get out from under Sam's watchful eye.

Tory snorted beside her. "Just like your son. Impatient."

Ryan grinned. "He learned from the best."

"Obviously." Tory rubbed her stomach. "Ugh. I think those burgers were bad. I feel like crap."

Ryan appraised her friend. "You do look a little green around the gills. You want some antacids?"

"Yes. Ugh. How did we become so old that we can't handle a burger?"

Ryan sent her a sour look. "You. You can't handle a burger. I'm fine. Of course, I didn't get mine loaded down with bacon and onion rings, either. And what the hell was up with wanting avocado on it? You hate avocado."

Tory shrugged. "I don't know, it sounded good at the time."

"It sounds disgusting," Ryan said as she leaned over the back seat to find the meds in her duffle. She popped back over the seat with the antacids and a pack of gum. "Want some?"

"Cool. What flavor?"

"Grape."

Tory's coloring took on a green tinge again. "Got any mint?"

Ryan smirked. "You know my oral fixation. I've got ten different flavors of gum." She dove back over the backseat and rooted around in her messenger bag. "Ah! Here we go! And a little bit of rum to go with it."

"N-no thanks. No alcohol for me."

Ryan put her hand on Tory's forehead. "Are you sick?!"

Tory shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't felt good lately. I wonder if maybe I've got that bug that's going around..."

"What bug?"

"The one that's going around."

"Who's got it?"

"Huh?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "The bug. Who's got it?"

"Hell, Ryan, I don't know, I'm focusing on keeping my dinner down." She glanced out through the binoculars. "Boom. There he is. Let's take this bastard down." She cocked her gun and opened her door. Ryan did the same and quickly followed her friend. They'd been after this skin walker for three days already. Ryan was eager to get the show on the road.

Later that night, Ryan was awakened by the sounds of retching in the small motel bathroom. They'd decided to spend the night and travel home in the morning. "Tor?" Ryan asked as she walked into the bathroom. She sank next to her friend and picked her hair up off her neck. "Bet you wish you'd got your hair cut like you talked about," Ryan joked gently as Tory threw up again. She sat back on her heels and Ryan smiled sadly as she grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cool water before she laid it on Tory's forehead. "Think you're done?"

"I have no idea," Tory sighed tiredly.

Ryan picked up the trashcan and grabbed Tory's arm to help her stand. Her friend swayed on her feet and Ryan balanced her before she helped her walk to her bed. "I just don't know why I can't shake this," Tory stated.

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha. The only person I've been with is Cas."

"Who's an angel. In a dude vessel."

"Yeah? And?"

"And how do you think nephilim are created, anyway?"

Tory sent her a dismissive wave of her hand. "Oh, I'm sure Cas is handling that."

"What?"

"I don't know, whatever angels do to prevent that kind of thing."

Ryan blinked. "Uh...Tor...aren't you using protection?"

"Like what?"

"Hell, I don't know! Haven't you ever heard of a condom?"

Tory blinked. "Of course! I'm on the shots anyway, have been for years. So, I mean...that...it can't be. I'm going to be forty this year, Ryan! I can't be knocked up! It's just a bug or some bad food or something..."

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Okay. I'll go get you some Gatorade and some crackers, alright?"

"Thanks, Ryan."

Ryan slid on her jeans, her boots, and grabbed her keys before she headed to the all night Walgreens she'd noticed on their drive in.

As she perused the isles looking for the food, she passed right by the isle with the pregnancy tests on it. "Cas isn't this stupid, is he?" She glanced at the row of boxes, and deciding that, yes, he was that stupid, as was Victoria, she picked one up.

She returned to the hotel room and fixed her friend some Gatorade and offered her some saltines before she pulled out the test.

"Ryan..."

Ryan held up both her hands. "Hear me out. Call this a backup plan. Just...all ya gotta do is drink the rest of that Gatorade, then pee in a cup for me. That's it."

Tory's eyes were wide. "You don't really think...?"

Ryan inclined her head. "In this family? I think anything is possible."

"Hey, there they are," Sam said as they walked into Ryan's house. "How'd it go? You gank the skinwalker?"

Ryan ignored him as she looked at Tory. "You doing alright?"

Tory nodded. "I'm going up to bed, okay?"

Ryan looked her friend over. She still looked like crap, but at least she had managed to not throw up for a while. That was good. "Sure. I'm not going to the bunker. I'll be here if you need me."

"Th-Thanks, Ryan. You're the best friend a girl could ask for."

Ryan watched her friend walk up the stairs and sighed.

"Ryan? What's up?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nothing good."

"What are you talking about?"

Ryan shook her head again, walked to the kitchen, got down the bottle of booze and downed a generous swig without even reaching for a glass.

"Ryan?"

"Tory's sick."

"What?"

Ryan just nodded. "It's not a virus. Something is wrong with her."

Sam's brows furrowed. "Then why didn't you take her to the doctor?"

She shot him a look. "Please. Like I could talk her into going to the doctor."

He stood there in silence for a moment. "So…what do you think?"

Ryan flinched. Whatever it was, she was afraid it was something bad. Tory never got sick. Whatever this was, it wasn't good. She'd noticed Tory had lost weight she couldn't afford to lose. She'd been tired, and on this hunt, she hadn't seemed very stable in the balance department. It could just be a simple inner ear infection, but since when had anything ever been simple? "Sam..."

"How sick is she?"

Ryan blew out a breath. "I don't know."

Sam dropped into the chair across from her, snagging the bottle from her hand. "Well, we need to get Cas down here, right? I mean, he can fix her, can't he?"

Ryan also sank into a chair. That was what had been worrying her. The angels were being so damn picky about healing people now, and with good reason. However, she was afraid something was seriously wrong with Tory and they wouldn't do anything. And if they didn't do anything, she was afraid Cas or Hope would heal her. And if they did…it could become problematic. "I don't know what to do, Sam."

"When did you find out?"

She glanced at her watch. "About ten hours ago? I mean, I knew she wasn't feeling her best, but I'm not that observant, and honestly, as shitty as the purifications have felt with me, I haven't been really paying attention to much of anyone recently."

"Understandable." He scrubbed his hands over his face before he ran them through his hair. "Ryan...what are we going to do? How are we going to tell Cas? What's she going to do?"

Ryan just shook her head. "I have no idea and she's being pigheaded about this. She doesn't want me to call him, but I mean…Cas needs to know, either way. I…if it's serious, and he can't, or isn't allowed to heal her, he still needs to know."

Sam blew out a breath. "Damn, Ryan. We can't catch a break, can we? If she's sick and Cas can't make her better…" He shook his head. "Cas has to know this is a means to an end, having an affair with a human, but still…"

They sat in silence for a while, trading the bottle back and forth, making small talk until Andrea came in with the boys a few hours later.

"Mommy!" They shouted as they hugged her. Ryan held them both in her arms, savoring their innocence. If Tory was ill, they all had a rough road ahead of them.

"Hey, guys."

"Have a good hunt, Mommy?"

Ryan nodded. "I did. Ya'll go play a while. Let me talk to Aunt Andy a little bit, okay?"

Andy's eyebrows shot up as she sat between Sam and Ryan. "Do I want to know?"

"Tory's sick."

"Okay…"

Sam put his hand on Andy's. "She's really sick, babe."

Andy blinked. "Well, Cas can just whammy her back to health, right?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know."

"Do we need to call Cas, or do you think we could call Hope?"

Ryan sighed. "Hope. Let's see what we're dealing with first, don't you think, Sam?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, probably."

Ryan reached in her pocket for her phone and dialed her daughter's number. When Hope answered, she sounded breathless. "Bad time?"

"No, of course not…"

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "Did you two have a detour anywhere?"

"Maybe…"

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "I so don't want to know, kid."

Hope laughed. "So, what's up?"

"Can you do diagnostics?"

"On?"

"Tory. She's sick."

"Call Cas. He can…"

"I think she's really sick," Ryan amended.

"Like, deathly ill?" Hope asked softly.

"I don't know. Maybe."

There was silence on the other end of the line as Hope appeared before them. She looked windswept and her hair was in a sloppy ponytail and the buttons on her flannel over-shirt were mismatched. Andy snickered and Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "I _did _interrupt something!"

Hope rolled her eyes. "I've got a boyfriend. I'm between hunts. I'm allowed to shack up with him on occasion."

Ryan glanced over as Sam pulled a face. "Please don't, Hope."

Ryan snorted. "She's Dean's, no doubt."

Hope smiled. "I take that as a compliment. Now, where's Tory?"

"Upstairs. I sent her up to lie down."

"Let me go check. Sam, stay down here with the boys. Me, Mom, and Andy will go upstairs to check on her, alright?"

He nodded. "Sure."

The three women made their way up the stairs and Hope stopped dead as soon as she reached Tory's door. "Oh…"

"Hopey?"

Hope bit her lip. "I can…it's…" She sucked in a breath and with a little knock, opened the door.

"I should have known your mom wouldn't leave it alone," Tory said from where she was covered by about ten different blankets in her bed. Her pallor was evident in the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the window. "So, what do I have?" At Hope's look, Tory chuckled. "I'm not an idiot. I've got something bad, don't I? So, go ahead, give it to me. What?"

Hope walked over to the woman she called an aunt and touched her forehead. "Cancer, Tory." She sucked in a breath. "It's brain cancer," Hope managed.

Tory swallowed hard. "Oh. Okay. Well, we'll just…that's fine. I'll handle it. Hey, I said I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. I guess I'll just figure out a way to get myself killed on my next hunt."

"Tor…" Ryan began.

"No, Ryan, don't. I don't want to lie up in some sickbed while you guys moon all over me. I want to fight until I draw my dying breath. I don't want…I can't…" She sucked in a breath. "I don't want to be a weakling."

"We can heal you," Hope told her.

"No. I don't want you getting into too much trouble, Hope. You're on probation."

"Let me let Cas…"

"Cas can't know. I won't let him. He'll heal me and then I'll feel bad he gave away one of his miracles and…"

"Oh don't you _dare _play that card!" Andy shouted. "You do _not _get to give up! You have a fucking _angel _as a boyfriend! You use his sexy ass and let him heal you, damn it! I understand not letting Hope. She could get in trouble, but, damn it, Cas can do whatever the fuck he wants! And if his happy ass wants to heal his sick girlfriend, then by god, we're going to let him!"

Tory blinked and smiled. "See? I knew you loved me, Andy."

"Fuck you," Andy spat. She glared at her friend as she called out, "Castiel! Get thou feathery ass down here and make your girlfriend see reason!"

They only waited two breaths before Cas appeared and his eyes grew wide at the sight of the four women. "Victoria?" he asked as he knelt by her beside. "You…you did not tell me you were ill."

"Cas," she whispered as tears ran down her cheeks. "I didn't want…"

"You do not wish to live?"

"I'm going to die, eventually, Cas. You know that. I'm human. I can't live forever."

"But then you will go to heaven. I will find you there. I promise."

"But…"

Ryan watched as Cas linked his fingers through Tory's. "I love you, Victoria, you stupid human. I cannot help it. Please, let me heal you? I am not finished with you yet upon this earth."

She sobbed in a breath. "Okay," she whispered.

Ryan watched in amazement as Castiel's hand began to glow and he placed it on Tory's forehead lovingly. Her whole body emanated light for a moment before the whole room was engulfed in light until finally it died down. Ryan grabbed Andy's arm and tugged Hope by the shirttail. "I think they need a few minutes," Ryan whispered as she pulled them out into the hallway.

Hope blinked. "Wow. I mean, I know I love Jess, but I didn't anticipate Cas falling so completely for Tory…"

"I think it surprised everyone, Hope."

"I'm glad. Everyone needs someone to love them," she whispered.

Ryan swallowed hard. Yes. Everyone needed someone to love them. She just wished her soul mate still loved her.

* * *

**December Twenty Fourth **

"Merry Christmas Eve!" Sam called from around the huge pile of presents he was carrying in the door.

Ryan smiled and snagged a few from the top to lighten his load. "Did ya'll buy out the stores, or what?"

He grinned as he dropped the packages on the sofa. Jon and Bobby immediately began disbursing them around the tree, naturally, checking for ones with their names on them. "Andy got a little carried away…"

Ryan's eyebrow popped. "I should say so. Where is she?"

"We drove separate. I had a few other details to take care of…" He pulled off his glove and reached into his pocket, coming out with a small box.

"Sam…" Ryan breathed.

He was all smiles as he popped the lid to show her a gorgeous antique looking diamond ring. "Think she'll like it? It's kind of small, but she's not ostentatious…"

"Sam! You're asking Andy to marry you?"

He nodded. "I know, I know, it's cliché and redundant, but I'm going to go for it. Tonight. After we go back home. Is it stupid? I mean, technically, we're already married. But, I just…I want her to have my last name, you know?"

Ryan was thrilled, but she couldn't help but mess with him. "Who says she'll take your last name? Andy's a modern woman, Sam."

His grin faltered but then he shrugged. "I don't care. As long as our names are on a paper, it could say Andrea White Zinfandel and I wouldn't care."

Ryan snorted. "You know your woman likes Merlot better, Sam. But, I'm pretty sure she'll want your name."

"Really?"

Ryan nodded. "Absolutely."

"Good. I'm glad. I can't wait. I just…I've got it, Ryan, finally. This happiness…it's crazy."

Ryan smiled softy and stood on tip-toe to kiss his cheek. "I'm so happy, Sam. You two…you deserve this. Really."

They heard the door open and he slipped the ring box back in his pocket just in time as Andy walked in. "I've got scoop!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

Ryan and Sam turned to look at her. "What?" Ryan asked worriedly.

"So, you know I wanted to run to the bunker, right?" The other two nodded. "So, I needed to grab some of the books I'm translating and you'll never guess what, or rather _who _I saw in a compromising position…"

"Who?"

"Charlie. And Claire."

"Together?" Sam asked.

Andy nodded. "I saw way, way, _way _too much skin."

Ryan's mouth dropped open before it formed a smile. "Well, damn. That's great."

"I thought Ben and Claire were hooking up," Sam began confusedly.

"Nah, that was just a fling," Ryan stated as she walked toward the kitchen to check on the pumpkin pie. She turned to see Sam and Andrea had followed her. She pulled the pie out of the oven and sniffed it. "Ahhhh, Hope will be thrilled. Luckily I've made a cherry one, a chocolate one, and an apple one as well."

"Did you make pecan?" Ben asked as he came in. He and Jesse had just arrived the morning before. Hope and Krissy were slated to return within the hour.

"Yes, Benjamin, I did."

"Hey, did I hear you mention Claire?"

"Ben…" Sam began. "Dude, she's with Charlie."

"I know."

Sam blinked. "You do? I thought you two hooked up."

"We did." At their blank stares, Ben shrugged. "What? She said she'd never had sex with a guy. I gave her one hell of an experience. Were I a lesser man, I would be offended she's sticking with chicks. However, I am not."

Ryan just looked at him. "And that, right there, is a Dean Winchester thing to say."

He shrugged again as he reached into the fridge and pulled out an apple from the crisper drawer. "Well, I've accepted it. So I'm like him. I fail to see where this is a problem."

"It's not. It's just…I need a minute," Sam muttered as he walked over to grab a cup of coffee.

Ryan snorted. "Ben, I think Sam wants to make sure this won't be weird tonight."

"Why? I mean, I wouldn't mind watching, but I think that idea makes Charlie uncomfortable."

"And _that_ idea makes _me _uncomfortable," Ryan told him. "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring it up at the dinner table."

Ben held up both hands. "Hey, I'm nothing if not discrete."

At that, Ryan snorted. "Sure, Ben."

"What? I am! I mean, you don't know about me and Krissy hooking up, do you?!"

"Ben!" Krissy shouted from the door. Her cheeks were red and there was snow still in her hair from where she had walked in.

"Oops. I'm sorry, Kris…"

Ryan, Andy, and Sam looked from Krissy to Ben before Hope chimed in from the hallway, "Who's gonna help me with these gifts?"

The house was packed with people. Almost everyone was there. Jody wasn't, but only because she was busy enjoying time with Bo, Annie, and baby Ashlyn, who was one of the cutest babies Ryan had ever seen with a full head of black hair and big blue eyes. Ryan, Sam, Andy and Tory all took turns facetiming with Jody and cooing over the little one who was more interested in the box to the presents than the presents themselves. Ryan handed the tablet to Hope and made her way to the kitchen to start loading the dishwasher. They'd had a feast fit for a king, but the dishes wouldn't wait forever. They were all relaxing over dessert before they moved on to presents.

She found Andy in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of milk. "Really?"

Andy turned and looked at her friend. "What?"

"Milk? You hate milk."

"I love it now. Especially chocolate milk. This stuff is delicious."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Weirdo."

Andy bit her lip and pulled Ryan out the door onto the wrap-around porch.

"Andy?"

"I can't keep it to myself, Ryan. I just…I just found out and I have to tell someone or else I'm going to explode!"

Ryan blinked. "What?"

"I'm pregnant!"

"You…you're kidding!" Ryan gushed, happiness for her friend causing tears to burn her eyes. "Does Sam know?"

Andy shook her head. "No. I'm going to tell him tonight. We've got gifts to exchange. I got him a tee shirt that says 'Daddy is my hero' on it. That's how I'm going to tell him."

Ryan thought of the gift Sam had for Andy and smiled. It seemed as though they were figuring things out perfectly. She threw her arms around her friend. "Andy! I'm so happy for you!"

Andy bit her lip. "I…do you think…I mean…Sam and I didn't exactly plan it. It was just a fluke kind of thing…birth control pills aren't exactly one hundred percent and…I mean…he'll be happy, won't he?"

Ryan's heart was melting in excitement. "Are you kidding? He's going to be over the fucking moon! How far along are you?"

Andy looked bashful. "Farther than I thought I was. I went to the doctor today. I'm almost five months."

"Whoa."

"Well…I didn't…what can I say? We're all hella busy and I didn't even think about it, and then with Tory getting sick, then her and Cas running off to Vegas and getting drunk and hitched which I _still _am having a hard time with, then all the work we're doing for the Men of Letters, I just…" she threw up her arms in exasperation. "Our lives are so damn crazy, Ryan. How are we going to do this?"

Ryan just smiled. "You'll figure it out, Andy. And it's going to be perfect."

"I hope so. I mean, I know it will be, I just…I can't help but worry, you know?"

"I get it, trust me. But it'll all work out like it's supposed to."

"Is it wrong I hope the kid is completely human?"

Ryan chuckled. "No. Trust me. I hope for the same thing, Andy."

Andy blew out a breath. "I'm so excited. I can't wait for this night to be over so we can go home and I can tell him. I've been pretty certain for the past two weeks. I took a test. Then I wanted to go to a doctor and make sure and today was the soonest he could take me, and I just…"

Ryan grabbed both of Andy's hands. "It's great, And. Trust me. Everything will be perfect."

Andy was all smiles as they walked back in to the party.

Ryan got the unruly littlest boys to bed while Ben and Jesse helped the girls set up the Santa stuff downstairs. She had the impression Bobby knew the truth about Santa, but he was keeping it to himself for now and she was thankful. She didn't need him to grow up anymore than he already had. She was walking downstairs when her phone rang. She snagged it from her back pocket and seeing it was Andy, smirked as she answered. "Hello?"

"Oh. My. God. Ryan!"

Ryan giggled. "Yes?"

"He fainted!"

Ryan blinked and sat on the bottom step. "He WHAT?!" That drew the attention of the four oldest kids who came to see what Ryan was shouting about. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's got a bump on his head, the dumbass, but he's fine."

"Okay…so, you told him…"

"Yes! We were opening presents. He got down on one knee and proposed and it was perfect! I, of course, said yes, and gave him his present with the tee-shirt in it. He opened it, looked at it, looked at me, I nodded, he keeled over!"

"Is he alert now?"

"Yeah, he's fine. His pride is hurt, now more than ever since I told him I was going to call and tell you, but…"

Ryan snickered. "So, you three are okay?"

Andy paused and then let out a little squeal. "We're three! Yes! We are! We're fine. Thanks, Ryan. I gotta go…"

Ryan heard the phone drop and heard Sam ask, "Babe?" before she heard muffled sounds and deciding she didn't want to hear anything to do with her brother-in-law having sex, which she figured was where Andy was going, punched the 'end' button on her phone. She smiled up at the four. "Looks like we're having a wedding and a baby in the family."

All four of them were excited and wanted details. Later, as she was sipping on a glass of eggnog in front of the fire with all the Santa toys strewn around her, she reflected on her life. It was almost perfect, just as Andy said. It was only missing one thing. Dean.

* * *

**AN2: That's the end for this chapter. You know what next week is...dun-dun-dun...the return of Demon!Dean! I hope you're all ready for fireworks! Mwahahaha. Love you all! Mischief **


	26. Who's Crying Now?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. But I do own an anti-possession necklace and earrings. **

**AN: Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers this week! Love having all your input! OMG. Who's excited for tonight? Ugh. I'm in pain, you guys. That preview! Ugh. Major heart-fail on the horizon. I'll have to eat my feelings again and drown them in booze, the Winchester Way no doubt. Anyway, comments...let's see...**

**To the guest who said they had no life. I feel ya. I'm obsessed enough I'm writing fanfiction. LOL. Say no more.**

**I love how everyone wants them to be de-aged and for them to go back in time. Well, there is a lot of story. A lot of bad has to happen in life. However, we get a lot of good, too. Hopefully you'll stick with me ALLLLLL the way to the end to get the full effect of the story. Just because it feels like it's done, doesn't mean it is. I'll let you know when it's over. **

**Ryan's getting a bad rap, isn't she? I mean, she's longing for him, but she's too chicken shit to just go to him. Hmmm...I know a couple of people in real life that have that problem, without demons involved! *sigh* Life and love are really hard. And sometimes what you want most in life isn't what is best for you. I've been there, done that, and bought the tee-shirt. Alas...**

**And special thanks to Emy, who almost always reviews. I've almost convinced her to go back and rewatch from season one, episode one. LOL. They're all on netflix, chick. Just sayin'...**

**And I'll end it with a quote from sunshine1984's review: YEAH! DEAN IS COMING BACK! **

* * *

**April Twenty Fourth **

Ryan smiled down at the tiny form in her arms. "He's perfect, Andy."

Andrea gave her a tired smile. "He is. Just like his daddy."

"You're speaking to me now?" Sam chuckled as he walked back in carrying a soda for his fiancée. Andy had flat refused to get married before the baby was born. She wanted to be back to her fighting weight before she walked down the isle. And Sam hadn't given one care in the world either way.

"It was just a moment of temporary insanity, babe," Andy said with a smile as she snagged his shirt and dragged him down for a kiss.

"Ewww, they're kissing, buddy boy. You don't want any part of that. Mom and Dad will gross you out from time to time. Then you can come over to Aunt Ryan's house and I'll take care of you while they're acting all disgusting," Ryan told the baby as she rubbed his soft brown hair. When Andy had gone into labor almost fifty hours ago, she had joked that the kid would be born on her birthday. She hadn't anticipated the little squirt wailing his way into the world at Twelve Oh Three A.M. So, he shared a birthday with her, which was hella cool.

She glanced at the couple. "So…you two have been pretty secretive about his name…can I hear it or am I going to have to start calling him 'Buddy'?"

Sam and Andy looked at one another. Andy smiled and Sam glanced at Ryan. "Steven. That was Bobby's middle name."

Ryan nodded. She knew that. "That's great."

"And his middle name…" Andy started.

"…Is Ryan," Sam finished.

Ryan blinked as she looked down at the little one. "You named him after…me? Not…" She couldn't say Dean's name. Not today.

"No. You mean something to both of us, Ryan. We love you. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have him."

She felt the tears fall down her face. She cleared her throat and looked at the boy. "Well, Steven Ryan Winchester, I guess if you share my name that means I'll have to show you how the world works, huh? You'll be a Man of Letters, I suppose, like your daddy, huh? And you'll be excellent at it. You'll have your daddy's looks and your mommy's brain…or maybe your daddy's brain and your mommy's looks. Either way, you can't go wrong, kid."

The baby yawned and she kissed his forehead. "He's perfect you guys," she said again. She handed him to Sam. "I'm glad you got some practice on mine before you had one of your own," she teased gently.

Sam chuckled but there were tears in his eyes. "Love you, Ryan."

She smiled softly. "I love you, too, Sam. And you, Andy." She picked up her purse. "I've got to get back to Tory. She's dying to come see him, but I knew you didn't want Loki and Tas up here…" They'd started calling Jon 'The Tasmanian Devil' since he was usually such a live wire.

"Thanks," Sam told her with another smile, though he wasn't looking at her. He was staring at Steven as if he'd never seen a baby before. That awe and wonder on his face was killing her heart.

Ryan bit her lip to stave off the hurt at the fact Dean never got to see his kids as babies and managed, "I'll see ya'll later," before she made a quick exit as the tears came fast and hard. By the time she reached the elevator, she was sobbing, and by the time she managed to stumble out to the car, she was dry heaving and couldn't compose herself if she tried. She'd done so well. She'd hidden it. She'd been happy, she _was _happy for them. She was ecstatic. And she was jealous as all hell. _That should be me and Dean_, she thought. _We should have had this chance. Damn this prophecy shit and damn the curse on us and damn the fact our kids aren't normal humans. Damn it all. _

It took her quite a while before she was composed enough to wipe her eyes and drive away.

* * *

**June Fifteenth **

"Ryan?"

"In here!" she called from the bathroom.

Sam walked in. "For God's sake, woman! Why do you tell me you're in here when you're half dressed?"

She continued putting on her mascara, completely unaffected by his tirade. "Hello? We've lived together for almost six years, Sam. You should know me by now. When I call out from the bathroom…She glanced down at her bra, jeans, and bare feet. "…This is probably how I'll be attired." Her eyebrow rose as she waggled it at him and smirked. "Why? Am I turning you on?"

"Jerk."

"Asshole," she muttered as she walked past him out to the bedroom and slid her tee over her head. "What?"

"It's…it's tomorrow."

Her smile softened as he sank onto the bed. She walked over and sat next to him. "Yeah, it is."

"But…tomorrow. Ryan…I'm getting married. To Andy. Tomorrow."

She giggled. "Damn straight, sugar. And it's about time, too."

"I can't…"

"Breathe," she commanded softly as she patted his hand on his knee.

"What time is everyone coming in?" he squeaked.

She thought of the guests that would be overrunning her house, the bunker, and the town at large. "This afternoon. Where are Andy and Steven?"

"Home. I told her… I mean, she said… Well, really I just needed to…" he trailed off as his brows furrowed.

She held in the additional smirk, just barely, as she supplied, "She knew you needed to decompress and freak out so she sent you over here to me, right?"

He nodded mutely.

She laughed. "Come on. I'll get you some coffee." She eyed him. "Maybe with a shot of whiskey in it, to boot.

He glanced around her bedroom forlornly. "Where are the boys?"

"In the backyard with the dogs."

"And you're taking your time getting dressed this morning?" he teased.

She shrugged. "They got up and started playing. I took today off, you know that."

"The girls are coming in to go to the spa day with you, right?"

She nodded as she padded out into the hall and down the stairs, checking to make sure he was following. "Yeah, Kris and Hope will be here in about three hours. Jess and Ben will be here before that."

"Garth? His pack?"

"They'll meet us tonight."

"Jody?"

She made a face. "She got held up. She'll be here. She said she couldn't miss one of the Winchesters finally tying the knot."

He winced. "Sometimes she's a bit callous," he commented.

Ryan shrugged as she poured two mugs of coffee, putting a generous shot of whiskey into Sam's Superman mug she kept in the cabinet. "Yeah, well," she mused. "She doesn't mean it."

She handed him his mug and he took a gulp before choking on it. "Damn it, Ryan," he sputtered when he could breathe again.

She smiled over her own cup. "Good stuff, huh?"

"Smooth," he commented as he sipped it easier the second time around.

She propped her feet up on the table. "So? What's up, Sammy?"

"I'm nervous."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Fuck off, Watson," he shot back.

She laughed. "See? You're feeling better already."

He stared into his mug a moment. "Don't know why I'm nervous," he confessed.

"It's a big freaking deal, Sam. Marriage. And, hey, you're divorced, so, you know, it's twice as hard the second time around, right?"

He shot her the bitchface. "That first time didn't count. I was under the effects of a love potion and she's a crazy ass fangirl."

Ryan chuckled. "Well, hey, at least Andy could beat anyone's ass that tried to mess with you."

"Thank God for that," he mused. He glanced at Ryan. "She's great, isn't she?"

"The best," Ryan agreed.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, with an occasional shout of glee or bark from one of the dogs from the backyard interrupting the solitude. "So…I've been thinking," she began softly.

"Uh-oh."

"Bitch," she snarled.

"Jerk," he replied lovingly.

She stuck her tongue out at him, then muttered, "Can we attempt to be adults?"

He paused as if in thought and shook his head. "Nah. We never have been. I see no reason to start now."

"Touché."

He chuckled. "Go for it."

She blew out a breath. "I'm switching the hunting partners."

His eyebrow rose as he downed the rest of his coffee and rose to pour another cup, this time, Ryan noticed, sans alcohol. "Who? Why?"

She bit her lip. She'd been thinking about it. "Hope and Jesse have a really limited time on earth. Jesse's pretty damned determined he's going to be knighted. He and I have talked about it. When Hope goes upstairs, once the wheels are in motion, I'm…I'm telling Dean."

Sam dropped the tin of cookies Ryan always kept on the countertop and whipped around to look at her. "Ryan…?"

"I can't…I've taken him away from you, Sam. I know that. I can't…I can't keep it up. Just give me, give _Jon_ until Hope goes upstairs. Then, we'll sit him down, tell him everything. Jesse wants to go down there and be his knight. He wants to make sure he's in the right position for when Jon takes over. And the only way Dean will accept him is if he knows _why _Jesse is choosing to become a knight of Hell."

"But…Ryan…"

"Krissy and Ben are in a relationship. They're working through this. They're getting serious, Sam. I've seen it. Hope and I have talked about that, too. She knows if they're being hit by cupid or not but she's not telling me and I don't want to know. Save it and call it a surprise, you know? So, if that's their plan, if they're serious, they need to learn how to protect one another while being in love."

"Yeah, but…"

"I'm going to continue on in this capacity, going hunting every once in a while, raising the boys, I'll…I'll just have to deal with seeing him." _And who knows? _she added silently, _maybe I'll have to vamp out and be sent to Purgatory before then. _She wasn't sure if she wanted that, or not. But it was evident the demon juice was only growing within her, despite the injections of Castiel's blood.

Sam sank back into the chair across from her and reached for her hand. "Ryan, are you sure?"

"No," she admitted, "But I know we can't keep spinning our wheels. He needs to know. And this…this is the best solution I can come up with."

"And you didn't think to tell me any of this before now?"

"Well, it's not like you've had a lot of time on your hands, Sam. You're planning a wedding and Steven's not sleeping and…"

"You're still important, Ryan. This whole prophecy, you, the kids, all of it is still important to me."

She flipped her hands so she could link her fingers through his. "I know, Sam. I know. And you'll never in a million years know how much I appreciate that. But, I know, too, this needs to be done."

"Are you sure?"

She swallowed hard. Was she? No. But she knew she didn't have a choice in the matter. This had to be done. "Absolutely," she said with as much gusto as she could manage.

Ryan took in a deep breath as she looked herself over in the mirror. She knew she was getting older, but she still looked pretty damn good, in her opinion. "You look great, Mom," Hope said from where she lounged on the bed. Her daughter was already dressed and ready for the party tonight. Hope, Ryan, Tory, Krissy, Charlie, Andy, and Claire had all gone out together and had a full spa day. Ryan was polished, waxed, plucked, painted, and decorated from head to toe. She'd never felt so pampered. She felt like such a _girl_. She didn't know when the last time was she'd felt this feminine.

"As do you, Hopey."

Hope smiled as she brushed the fabric of the skirt to her amethyst dress. "Thanks. So, I'll just keep the boys here where they can play for a while and not be underfoot. It's not like you need us at the rehearsal. Loki and Taz know what to do as far as walking down the aisle. We'll meet you over at the restaurant for dinner, right?"

Ryan nodded as she slipped an earring in her ear. "I can't believe you talked me into this skirt, Hope Deanna."

Hope smirked that Winchester smirk. "You've got legs for miles, Mom. You need to show them off."

"For who?" she muttered, but she smiled. Even if she didn't have a man to look good for, she still needed to look good for herself. She felt pretty in the short leather skirt and the midnight blue halter top. She had been a tad self-conscious about wearing a halter that showed off the scars on her arms as well as the scars marring her tattoo on her back, but she'd thrown caution to the wind and she was glad she had. She felt sexy, invincible. And she needed that. Steven's birth had been a revelation for her, another one; she would never have what Sam and Andrea had, but that was okay. She had her kids. She had the Men of Letters, or Journalers as they'd begun to call it. She had the knowledge that Sam wouldn't let her become a demon, and if she started to go darkside, he had sworn to respect her decision to vamp out and send her ass to Purgatory. On the whole, her life wasn't horrible. It didn't stop her from _wanting _everything including the moon and stars, but she was aware of the fact she wouldn't get it.

She slipped into her heels and put her bracelet on before she walked out and down the hall. "Boys?" she inquired as she knocked on their door. Both of them looked presentable in khakis and polo shirts. "You two are too cute."

Both boys gave her identical faces of disgust. They were Winchesters. Even as children, they dressed as hunters. Jeans, boots, tees with flannel over shirts, but tonight required at the very least a polo shirt. She could only imagine their looks of disgust when they had to wear their suits for the wedding tomorrow for more than the five minutes to try them on, but as the ring bearers, they had a job to do. She grinned as she held up two suckers. "Will you two promise to be good?"

"Yes, ma'am," they chorused and smiled easily enough when she handed them both a lollypop.

"Don't get it on your clothes," she reminded them as they eagerly unwrapped the treats and sat on the top step to eat them. They were well aware of her 'no food in the bedrooms' rule.

"Great. Sugar them up before you leave them with us," Hope groaned as she stepped between them and followed her mother down the stairs.

"You've got backup, Hope," Ryan told her. Krissy and Jesse would be with her while Ben stood up with Sam and Castiel for the rehearsal ceremony. He was standing in Dean's place. Everyone knew it. And as Ryan's escort down the aisle, it was evident Dean was missing in action, but what could they do? She and Sam had one knock-down, drag-out fight about Dean being invited to the wedding. It wasn't that Ryan didn't want Sam's brother there, it was that she didn't want Jon's father there. The fact that they were one in the same only made things more complicated. In the end, Sam saw her reasoning, though he was still a bit irritated at her about it. Castiel hadn't told Dean Sam was getting married and now it would have been too late to do anything about it anyway.

"Looking good, Ryan," Ben stated as he held out an arm for her.

She placed her arm in his. "Practice?" she questioned with a smirk.

He shrugged. "Best do it now before I make an ass out of myself during the ceremony, right?"

She snorted. "Yep."

"Okay, Jody's meeting you there, I just got off the phone with her," Krissy stated as she walked in and took Jon's hand as he made to dash out the door. "Oh no you don't…you need that hand wiped, mister."

"But Kwissy…I don'ts need it. I can lick 'em off!" he stated.

Ryan chuckled. For some reason, Jon looked just like Dean, but he had the most southern accent. She wasn't certain why. "You don't need to lick them off, Jonathan Cain. You can go wash your hands like a civilized human being."

"But I ain't all human, Mama," he argued.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "God help me."

"Will I do?" Jesse asked as he picked Jon up and flung him over his shoulder.

"Me too! Me too!" Bobby asked. Jesse strong armed him, grabbed him by his middle and took both boys off to the kitchen to wash their hands.

Ryan smiled. "You guys…I love you all so much."

"We love you too," they all choroused. Ryan knew the kids realized how hard her life was. Some days were harder than others. Some days she was ill tempered and some days it was all too evident she wasn't a normal human herself. The injections of Castiel's blood were working less and less. She knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to make her move and have Sam send her to Purgatory. So she was enjoying the hell out of every minute of her life until it was over, even if that meant she was sad because Dean wasn't in it.

She smiled. "Are the dogs…?"

"Situated with a bone in the backyard," Ben told her. "They were perfectly content when I locked the back door."

She nodded. "Okay, then, let's do it," she told him as he led her out of the house. Tonight wasn't about reflecting on the problems. It was about having fun. All she had to do was enjoy her night.

"Thanks, Jody, for coming to check on the pups," Ryan stated a few hours later as she led Jody into the dark house. When she'd spoken to Hope, she found out Hope, Krissy, and Jesse had ended up taking the boys to the bunker because they'd wanted to finish some research for their upcoming cases. The girls had a dragon case they were going on and the boys were looking into a possible arachne. They had taken time off from their hunts for the wedding.

Jody shrugged. "No problem. I needed a few minutes away from the mad dash. Your life is chaotic, girl."

Ryan laughed as she let the dogs in to eat and snagged the bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. It was still quite full despite dosing Sam with it earlier in the day. "Can I tempt you?"

"For the love of God, yes."

Ryan smiled as she grabbed two glasses and sat them along with the bottle on the kitchen table. They sat in companionable silence for a few moments until the dogs finished eating and scratched at the door to be let back out.

When Ryan sat back down, Jody asked softly, "Are you okay, Ryan?"

Ryan blew out a breath. "Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?"

Jody shot her a look and Ryan cringed internally. The years had been incredibly kind to Jody, but she was a mother, now a grandmother. And she could peg you with a "mom face" like nobody's business. "Don't bullshit me, Ryan," Jody stated. "I'm your best friend. I know when you're lying."

The side of Ryan's mouth lifted in a half smile. Though they didn't see one another very much anymore, they talked on the phone at least once a week. She had joined Ryan on a few hunts to keep herself in shape for the monsters, and anytime anything new came up, Ryan always called Jody to let her know of the monsters. "I'm okay, physically," Ryan stated, being careful not to think about the demon mojo running through her. She _had _kept that from Jody, despite Sam's pleas to talk to someone else about it. "I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm more focused, I'm more centered. I'm okay as far as my mental health, too. I mean, you'd think I'd be buckets of crazy again, in all this chaos I've thrust myself into, but I'm not…it's…wonderful. I love all these kids; it is great having them all here. I'm thriving on it. And this thing with Sam, it's terrific…" It really was. Even if Dean had been standing right there, and she had to choose between her happiness, and Sam's, she would give the happiness to Sam. He deserved it so much more than her.

"But…?" Jody prompted.

Ryan blew out another breath. Just because she would give up that happiness, it didn't mean she didn't want it. "I miss him. Sam misses him…it's like there's a giant, Dean-sized hole in our lives and nothing can fill it."

"You could always…" Jody began.

Ryan just looked at her and let out a snort. "I could always…what, Jody? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? March down to hell and profess my love?"

Jody shrugged. "It's an idea."

"He's refused to see Sam, Jody. _Sam. _If he won't even see his _brother, _his reason for _living _and _dying _and all that other shit, _why_ would he want to see some chick he banged a couple of times?" That was it, wasn't it? That was what scared her. She could admit it, at least to herself. She was terrified of seeing Dean, terrified he would turn her away. She was a selfish bitch, wasn't she? It wasn't that she was afraid he'd be angry about the kids…it was that she was afraid he would turn her down. Turn his back on her love and walk away. It would be worse than him killing her or turning her into a demon, wouldn't it?

Jody eyed her, poured them both another shot and with a little salute to each other, they downed the alcohol. "He needs to know the truth, Ryan," she added as she looked Ryan straight in the eye.

Ryan let out a half hysterical laugh. "Are you kidding me? You're kidding, right? He's a _demon, _Jody! The motherfucking _king _demon! I'm supposed to march right in there and tell him…?"

"Gabriel said to tell him when he was dead. I think demonized is kinda dead, don't you?" Jody shot back.

Ryan tried to hold it in, but she couldn't, and the tears began cascading out. "What difference does it make? Sam gets a happily ever after. That was the deal, right? I look after Sammy, take over Dean's place. Sam gets to have a happy ending, and I think, oddly enough, finally, he's getting it."

"And what about you, Ryan? Do you get a happy ending?"

Ryan wiped the tears off her cheeks. "My happy ending died when Dean opened black eyes." She smiled a self-depreciating smile. "I was never going to get one, anyway. It was a pipe dream. I've got a happy enough ending. That's what I got." Wasn't that what she had been telling herself ever since Steven's birth? She had it good. She should count her damn blessings, not curse what she didn't have.

"You could try…" Jody implored, but Ryan interrupted her.

"What, Jody? Just what could I try? It's over. Bam. Done. It's finished and now, so am I." This demon shit was getting worse. It was coming to the end. She was finishing out her days on earth. She knew it. Sam knew it. If this stuff got much worse, they'd have no choice. She couldn't be a monster and destroy the world. She refused. She wouldn't let this prophecy dictate her life. She'd bowed down to one, and even though she wouldn't trade it for the world, she wouldn't be doomed to this one as well. "I don't get a say, I don't get a choice. I made my bed, now I lie in it," she admitted aloud.

Ryan jumped as Jody slammed her hand on the table. "Damn it, this, right here, _this _is why Sam asked me to talk to you. You _fight, _Ryan, it's what you do! You always have!"

Ryan wasn't surprised Sam had asked Jody to talk to her. Even if he didn't tell Jody about Ryan's vampire plans, he knew Jody would try to talk her off the damn ledge. The lovable bastard. "I _am_ fighting, Jody! God help me, I'm fighting and hunting and training the kids and being a mother and being a Woman of Letters or Journaler, or whatever-the-fuck we've decided to call it and I'm working my fingers to the bone. All I _do_ is fight."

"But not for him? You won't fight for Dean?"

"Dean's dead," Ryan stated coldly, attempting, somehow, to make herself believe it. "The Dean Winchester I know is long gone. He's dead, Jody. Sure, Cas says he's the same, but I'm not stupid. He wouldn't be torturing demons for centuries on end if he was my Dean."

Jody shot her a look of disgust. "Oh please. Get your head out of your ass, Ryan. That's exactly who he is! You've made him into some Disney Prince! Dean is torturing Raeburn because of _you_. He knows what that bastard did to you, much better than I do, and I was _there _when we excised him for a second time. Dean is exacting revenge for _you_. If that doesn't show love, then I don't know what does." Jody paused the pursed her lips. "I don't see Dean torturing Ruby, and we both know that demon chick screwed over both the brothers. She got Sam hooked on _demon blood _and managed to trick him into letting Lucifer out of his cage for crying out loud!"

Ryan let out a flat little laugh. It was ludicrous, right? She remembered what Dean's journal had said, but that didn't apply to now, did it? "Come on, Jody, really? Out of all the women he's fucked in his lifetime, _I'm _the one that's special? Give me one reason why." _Why would I be the one to break whatever hold his demon has on him? How could he love me? Demons don't love. _

"Because you're you, Ryan. Because it's written in the stars. Because heaven declared it, I don't know how to make it any plainer to see. And if you had a little more faith, you would, too."

Ryan narrowed her eyes and stated bitterly, "I don't have any faith. Not anymore. Not when everything I believed has been turned on its head." It was true. She'd given up. There was nothing good left for her. What she had was it. And it was good enough. It really was. Wasn't it?

Jody grasped Ryan's hand. "You were never destined for a normal life, Ryan, you know that. Now, enjoy your pity party then pick up the pieces."

Ryan downed another shot of whiskey and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as she stared down into the empty glass. "Yeah, you're right. I've wallowed enough, haven't I?"

Jody let out a snort. "Yeah, you have."

Two more tears rolled down Ryan's face. _But it can't be, now, more than ever. I'm on the chopping block, Jody. My time is coming to a close…_And that was part of the problem. She wanted him, still. She wanted one more moment with him, one last chance…"We're like that song, you know?" she stated softly.

"Which one, Ryan? I know you convey your emotions through songs a lot, but you'll have to be more specific."

She sighed. It was true. Occasionally she would call Jody or text her with a song, describing how she felt. Occasionally, Jody sent one back. It was cathartic. "I grew up in North Carolina. My daddy was big into country music. There is this one song, by Pam Tillis. It's called 'The River and The Highway'. That's me and Dean."

"What's it about?"

Ryan closed her eyes as she thought. She could almost look back and see how they wove together through their lives. It wasn't a terrible journey. God help her, she would do it again in a minute if she was given her life to live over. Everything. Right up until this moment. Of course, she'd like it to be easier, but if it wasn't, this…she would take this over again. "The river follows the path of least resistance," she all but whispered. "She doesn't care to see the mountain top. She twists and turns with no regard for distance, she never comes to a stop." She bit her lip and looked at Jody. "And the highway, well, he's headed for a single destination. He doesn't care what's standing in his path. He's a line between two points of separation. But he ends just where it says to on the map."

Jody's brows knit. "Okay."

Ryan kept reciting the lyrics; "But every now and then, he offers her a shoulder. And every now and then, she overflows. And every now and then, a bridge crosses over, and they're together for those few moments of bliss."

"Well…that's depressing," Jody commented.

Ryan laughed as new tears poured down her face. "Yeah, well, I'm good with tragedy." She sniffed once, twice, wiped her tear-stained cheeks, then smiled. "Come on. I'm done. We need to get going. We've got a wedding rehearsal dinner to get to."

They both stood and Ryan let the dogs back in. She glanced at Jody. "Is my makeup okay?"

Jody nodded. "You were smart to use waterproof mascara."

Ryan chuckled flatly. "Well, it's a wedding. Women cry at weddings, right?"

Jody just looked at her and didn't comment.

* * *

**Dean POV**

Dean blinked in confusion a moment. _What the fuck is going on? _There was only one way to find out. The blood connection Dean had to Ryan, also worked with Sam since they shared the same blood. It took him no time at all to imagine himself where Sam was. He sucked in a breath. He had to find out what was happening. He couldn't let Sam marry Ryan. Not because Ryan wasn't a great person, not even because he was jealous as all fuck about the two of them hooking up, that was _so _not the issue. The fact remained, however, if she was still in love with _him, _she wasn't giving Sam a fair shake.

He found himself outside a fairly fancy looking restaurant. He glanced down at his boots, jeans, and thick shirt over his band tee. Being king of hell hadn't changed his wardrobe, though Bela and Meg had implored him to change his style. Why the hell would he change who he was?

However…he called Meg to him with instructions and she popped up only moments later. "What are you doing, Deano?" she asked.

"Fixing something. Now give me my damn clothes."

She handed over the suit jacket, shirt, dress shoes, and pants. "Dean…whatever you're planning…"

Bela popped up next to them. "Don't do it."

His eyes narrowed. "Who the fuck asked you?"

"Dean…"

"No, both of you, go on. I've got this."

"Dean, don't be a dick," Meg implored.

"Who's being a dick? I'm just…taking care of business."

Bela's eyebrow shot up. "Is that a fact? And it has nothing to do with…" she let her sentence hang as Jody's rental stopped at the valet parking. He swallowed as he saw Ryan's legs emerging from the passenger side. She stood straight, sucked in a breath, and walked in beside Jody.

"You've been hung up on that human chick since before you began running hell," Meg told him.

"I know what I'm doing," Dean growled.

"Uh-huh, sure, you know _exactly_ what you're doing," Meg stated with an eye roll.

"Fuck off, Nutmeg," he growled. He glared at Bela; "You too, Hells Bells. I got this."

"Dean, as your friends, we're…"

He sent Bela a sour look. "You're two are my knights, not my friends."

Bela was silent for only a moment before she slapped his face. It amazed him that she and Meg both used that, to remind him of his humanity, or possibly because they weren't quite as strong as him, to take him down a peg when he was acting like a huge douche-nozzle. Even he could admit to himself that comment was taking it too far.

Apparently Bela agreed as she spat, "You know, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Meg and I _are _your friends, you utter _arse_. All I'm saying is maybe you should listen to us on occasion."

He opened his mouth to apologize, but they both disappeared.

He sighed. He could handle this, right? He wouldn't act like a douche, he would just make sure everyone was happy and this was exactly what everyone wanted…right?

* * *

**Ryan POV **

"You okay?" Jody asked softly as they walked in.

Ryan felt…different. She wasn't sure why, but she did. She had felt it at the house, too, while she was talking to Jody. She couldn't put her finger on what it was, but she felt it. Maybe it was just because she had accepted her fate, but she felt it was something else. "Yeah…I'm fine."

"You look pale."

Ryan pinched both of her cheeks and color bloomed there. "Better?"

"Booze. You need a little more booze."

"Why? Planning on getting me drunk and having your wicked way with me? I'm pretty sure all those lesbian stories about us died down when I moved away. With a man."

Jody's voice was dripping with sarcastic pleading as she said, "But…I wanted to make them a reality, just once."

Ryan rolled her eyes as they bypassed the hostess and hurried to the elevator. The wedding party was downstairs in the huge ballroom. When Sam and Andrea agreed to have a small wedding, they decided to invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner as well, though it was usually reserved for only members of the wedding party and family. This, tonight, was no small affair. Almost everyone they loved and cared for was there. Garth and his pack. Charlie and Claire, who were hot and heavy, Cas and Tory, naturally, Annie and Bo and the baby, who wasn't so little anymore, Kevin and Mrs. Tran, who they were seeing more and more of as they began researching together as Journalers. Journaler. That was a new name for the M.O.L. recently crafted by Charlie, who had grown sick and tired of being called a W.O.L. because she said it sounded stupid. Anyone that meant anything to them was there. Except one. Ryan took another stuttering breath as the elevator doors opened.

"Slow, deep breaths," Jody reminded her as she grabbed Ryan's hand and squeezed it.

Ryan smiled softly. "I've got more friends than I ever thought I would, but only one big sister, Jod."

Jody smiled as well and hugged Ryan tightly. "Love ya, girl."

"Love you, too," Ryan replied.

"Hey! There you are!" Krissy shouted from a door down the hall. "The party's in here."

Jody and Ryan followed her and separated as Ryan went to go check on the boys. "Mom? You okay?" Hope asked as she approached.

Ryan nodded. "I'm fine, angel face. Why?"

Hope's head cocked to the side and her eyes narrowed slightly. Ryan shot her a look. "You look like Cas when you do that."

Hope's eyes narrowed more, blowing off the comment as she stated, "You've been crying."

"It's a wedding. I'm emotional."

"No. There's more…"

"Hope," Ryan warned. "Drop it."

"For now," Hope amended.

Ryan inclined her head. "For now."

* * *

**Dean POV**

Dean walked to the gas station next door, changed clothes, then walked back to the restaurant. He strode up to the pretty blonde hostess and she smiled at him. "Reservation?"

"Winchester Party," he said smoothly.

She grinned. "They are in the big party room downstairs. Shall I show you…?"

He smirked and shook his head. "Nah, I got this, sweetheart. I can find it. Thanks though." He slipped some money in the discreet tip jar on her hostess podium and walked in, now following the scent of Ryan's honeysuckle fragrance. It had taken him a while to figure out, it was her natural smell, not a body wash or a shampoo, it was just her essence. He closed his eyes a moment in the elevator, taking it in. Sure, he smelled other smells, too. He could faintly grasp Sam's musky smell, Jody's spicy scent, and a few others he recognized, but couldn't quite identify. Just as the elevator dinged, it occurred to him how utterly fucked up and ridiculous this was. Then it was done, and the door opened.

There was no one out in the hallway, which he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He was…he was nervous. A demon shouldn't be nervous. The _king _demon shouldn't be nervous, should he? But that was exactly what he was. He hadn't seen his brother in forever, and now on the eve of Sam's wedding, he was showing up? That was a dick move if he'd ever seen one. This was a mistake, this was wrong. He shouldn't fuck with their lives, he should let them…

"Dean?"

He closed his eyes at his brother's voice. _Fuck! _

* * *

**Ryan POV**

Ryan walked over to where Andy was sitting with Steven and plopped down next to her.

"Everything good?"

Ryan nodded. "Yep. Now, as the maid of honor, I believe it is my duty to spoil your child so you can enjoy your evening with your fiancé."

Andy's brows knit. "Huh?"

Ryan looked at Andy with a sour expression. "Give me the kid before I stab you in the neck."

Andy moved fast and had Ryan's neck in her hand almost before Ryan could blink. "What do you say?"

"Please?" Ryan asked with a giggle.

Andy chuckled and handed the sleeping bundle to Ryan. "Feel better?"

Ryan looked down at the sweet face of her nephew and smiled. "Immensely." She toyed with his fingers and his little fist unraveled before it wrapped around her finger. "I remember my kids like this. Oh, Andy, the things you guys will do, the memories you'll have…"

"It's because of you, Ryan. You know that, right?"

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, I know. I'll remind you of that from time to time…"

"Bitch," Andy muttered with a giggle.

Just then, Meg appeared before her. "Ryan, I don't have a lot of time…"

Ryan blinked and handed the baby back to Andy as she stood. "Meg? What's up?"

"Dean."

Ryan felt her stomach bottom out. "What?" she croaked.

"Dean. I don't know what he heard, but he overheard something. And he's coming here. Now."

She grabbed onto the table for support. "N-Now?"

Meg nodded. "I'm sorry. If I had known…I didn't know he was coming topside."

"What could he have overheard?" Andy asked as she sat the baby in his carrier.

Ryan paled further as she realized; he could have heard some of her conversation with Jody. But, what in the hell did he hear? How much of it? What did he know? "Sam?" She turned to Andy. "Andy, where is Sam?"

"He went to grab Steven's blanket out of the car. He should have been back by now, so I just sent Kevin out to find him…"

Ryan moved toward the door and Meg grasped her arm. "Wait. Just a moment."

"For…?"

Meg smiled. "He's out there. They're talking."

"Sam and Dean?"

Meg nodded and Ryan blew out a breath. "Holy fucking shit. This is…this is happening, isn't it?"

Meg smirked. "Looks like."

Ryan glanced over at Andy, who smiled. "Go on. You should talk to him."

"And say what, Andy?" Ryan asked softly.

"Whatever needs to be said. I kept my mouth shut because it was between you and Sam, but Ryan, Sam really wanted Dean here. He agreed with you only because he didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

Ryan let out a sob. Sam was such a sweet, sensitive son of a bitch. "That sounds like the Sam we know and love."

"So, go out there and do whatever you've got to do to convince Dean to stay. I'll let everyone know…"

Ryan bit her lip. _Now? I'm seeing him now?! _She sucked in a breath, squared her shoulders, and walked toward the door.

* * *

**Dean POV**

"Dean? Is it…is it really you?"

Dean opened his eyes. "Heya, Sammy."

"Dean? Oh my God…it really is you." Sam's long strides ate the distance between them quickly and Dean found himself in his first embrace in longer than he could remember. It was effortless to wrap his arms around his little brother.

"Sammy…"

"Dean…I…not that I'm not glad, but, what are you doing here?"

Dean had almost forgotten in that instance _why _he was here. The emotions were bubbling within him at the sight of his brother. Then it hit him. "Dude, you're getting married."

Sam grinned. "Yeah. That's not all, but it can wait. I just…man, I can't…you're here, like, really here."

"Hey, Sam, Andy wants to know…Dean?"

Dean's brow furrowed as he looked at the person approaching. "Kevin?"

Kevin Tran smiled. "Dean!"

"Kevin? H-how? What did…what's going on?"

Sam smiled. "Turns out we've got a powerful angel in our pocket and we didn't even know it."

Dean looked at his brother in confusion. "What do you mean? All the archangels are dead or imprisoned. They're the only ones that can return a cremated body back to human and stuff their souls back in, right?"

"Not exactly."

"Cas did this?"

Sam shook his head. "Dude, a lot has happened in six years."

_Holy shit…_"Six…? Six years? It's been _Six years _since I died?" _What the…six fucking years?!_

"Today," Sam added softly. "It's six years to the day, Dean." His brows furrowed. "How long did you think it had been?"

Dean shrugged. He honestly hadn't given it a lot of thought. "I dunno…two? Three? Time runs different in hell."

"I remember," Sam stated coolly.

"Sam, I hate to interrupt, because it looks like you and Dean need to talk. Andy wondered where you were. I guess now I have my answer…"

Sam grinned and then frowned. "Andy. Shit…"

Kevin smirked. "I'll tell her. I think you've got some 'splainin' to do."

"Kevin…you okay?" Dean asked quietly.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, Dean. I'm great. No more prophet crap, either. I'm just me, only…alive, so, you know, that's good…"

"What are you doing?"

Kevin pulled down the collar of his shirt to show off an Aquarian star. "I'm a full time Man of Letters, or rather, Journaler, now, working with Sam and Ryan and Charlie and a few new friends…"

"That's…that's great."

Kevin walked back to him and hugged him. "I'm glad to see you, Dean. Cas told me how you tried to get me back before. It means a lot."

Dean cleared his throat, uncomfortable with the storm of emotions that were now floating through him. He hadn't _felt _in years, decades, centuries. It was now a bit overwhelming. He hugged Kevin as well, and then the smaller man stepped back before he turned to head back into the room down the hall. The two brothers watched Kevin walk away and disappear.

"So…" Sam began.

"So…"

"What are you doing here, man? Not that I mind it one bit, but…"

Dean sighed. He hated to do this. He really did. He knew he was a fucking monster, but this… "Sam…I gotta tell ya something, man, something I overheard."

Sam paled. "God. What now? Please don't tell me it's bad news. I can't handle bad news, Dean. I've gone a while now on this good streak…"

"Sam…"

Sam sat wearily down on some little girly couch and Dean followed suit. "What, Dean? Just spit it out. I haven't made any deals, but let me guess, you're coming to collect on something, someone, right?"

"No! It has nothing to do with Hell. With me, however…"

"What, Dean? Spit it the fuck out. Quit stringing me along."

"Your fiancée…"

"Dude, don't even…"

"She doesn't love you, Sam! She loves me!"

Sam blinked once, twice, then he started laughing. He laughed long and hard and Dean's brows knit. "Sam?"

"Ah, Dean, thanks, man, I needed that laugh. Between the hunters and the monsters and the Men of Letters shit and this wedding and the baby, I just…I needed that fucking laugh."

"Baby?" _What the fuck_?

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I just…out of all the damn things I have to worry about, her not loving me is not one of them, Dean. Trust me, Ryan's reminded me of it enough…"

Dean was dying to ask about the baby. _Since when can Ryan have kids? What else don't I know? Fuck! The prophecy! Of course, Sam's kid would be the ruler of Hell. Fucking…shit…_But there was a bigger matter at hand. Forgetting the kid for a moment, Dean's first instinct was always to protect his little brother. Years, Hell, being a demon, none of it mattered if Sam wasn't safe, it never had. "She might love you, hell, I'm sure she does, but she still holds a candle for me, dude. It's…it's not healthy. Honestly I guess I shoulda seen it coming. I shoulda realized…but when Cas said you'd moved in with her, I just thought…well, it could be platonic, ya know?"

Sam's bitchface made an appearance, and Dean could admit to himself how much he'd missed it. "I'm not a fucking _eunuch, _Dean. Of course it wasn't platonic! Geez! I figured you could be happy for me for once…"

"Of course I'm happy for you! I've always been happy when you found one damn minute of happiness in this world we're stuck in, Sam! But this…you can't marry her when she loves me, too."

"You keep saying that! She's never even _met _you, Dean!"

Dean's mouth opened to argue further when what Sam just said penetrated his brain. "What?"

Confusion lit all over Sam's face. "What, what?"

"What did you just say?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "You know, I thought this was because she's related to Ruby 2.0's meatsuit, but really, you're just being bitchy about this whole thing. Look, I know you can access demons down there that died with the knife. Meg filled me in on the hierarchy of Hell since you've taken…office. I don't know what the fuck you and Ruby do down there. I don't care, really. But Andrea is _not _Ruby. Yeah, they look alike, and it freaked me the fuck out when Ryan introduced us, but she isn't Ruby, Dean, and she loves me and I love her and she's the mother of my child, okay? And I'm freaked out enough about being a husband and father. I do _not _need this shit from you right now, is that too much to ask?"

Sam stood and began walking back down the hall when Dean shot up and grabbed his shoulder. "Sam. Wait. Just…wait. Lemme process this…" He sucked in a breath and blew it out. "Your fiancée…isn't Ryan?"

Sam just glared at him in confusion. "Why would Ryan be my fiancée? She's like a sister to me."

"Sister? She's…she's like a sister?"

Sam smirked. "Dude, forget for one minute my soul's mate is sitting in there. Forget, too, the fact Ryan is still in love with you. But think of it like this; Ryan's like a female version of _you _in my life. She helped look after me when I didn't know what the hell to do. She took me in, she loved me back to being a _person _again. She made me see what I could be, _who _I could be without you. Not that I wanted to be, but I needed to be. It wasn't like you left me with a fucking choice in the matter, and I swear, one day we _will _talk about how you've abandoned me for the past six years…"

He sucked in a breath through his nose and then blew it out. "Ryan is…she's the best friend I got, Dean. And when I entertained the idea of…" He shook his head. "Ryan's awesome. She's terrific. She's self-sacrificing and gives and gives and gives. Hell, she moved down to _Kansas _for me, just packed up her house, the kids, sold her business, the whole nine, which was not easy being five months pregnant, but, she did it for me."

"W-What?" Dean's head suddenly began to spin.

"Sam," Ryan's soft voice said as she approached. "I think I need to take it from here."

Dean looked down into Ryan's soft brown eyes "Ryan?"

She looked like her heart was breaking as a tear spilled down her cheek. "Dean."

Her hand traveled up to his cheek and he shut his eyes at the onslaught of emotions that bombarded him. "What is he talking about?" he managed, and he hated to admit how shaky his voice sounded.

"We need to be alone. We can't do this here."

His eyes opened and he knew they were cold as they stared down at her. "Why, Ryan? Why can't we?"

"Because you're going to get loud, I'm going to get loud, you might kill me…"

"Mom?"

Ryan turned and Dean looked over her shoulder at the girl, Hope. Only…she wasn't just a girl, was she? She was a teenager, an older teenager, almost an adult, obviously, but she was more. Dean hissed. "You're an angel?"

Hope smiled as she walked up. "Boo."

"Hope, uh…" Ryan looked at her daughter with a mixture of sadness and something else in her eyes Dean couldn't quite make out.

Hope chuckled. "Don't worry, Mom, I'll make your excuses. Andy will understand why her maid of honor is otherwise occupied."

"Look after the boys?"

Hope rolled her eyes. "Jesse and I have been doing that very thing all evening, Mom. I think we can handle it."

"Jesse?" Dean asked stupidly.

Hope smirked again. "My boyfriend."

"Is he human?" Dean inquired despite himself.

She laughed. "Nope."

"Angel?"

Hope snorted. "Not even close."

"Hope Deanna," Ryan warned.

Hope held up a hand. "Say no more. You gotta tell him your story. I get it." She grabbed Dean's hand and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Go easy on her, Dad," she whispered in his ear before she stepped away and hurried back down the hall.

"Dad?" He glared at her retreating form before his glare turned to the woman standing before him. "Dad?!"

Ryan winced. "Dean, please…not here…"

"They're mine? All of them?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yes."

"You _lied _to me!"

"I had a legitimate reason!"

"Give me _one, _Ryan!"

"The Winchester Prophesies!" she cried.

He took a step back. "What did you say?"

"There are prophesies, Dean. About you. About your kids. And...they're all true."

"I…" he felt…he didn't know how he felt. Sick? Nauseated? Fucked over? Nope, none of those came close. "What in the actual _fuck _is going on, Ryan?"

"Can we go somewhere? Alone? Please?"

He hated how broken her voice sounded on the last word. "Hold on," he told her as he grabbed her wrist. She wrapped her arm around his waist and he envisioned them in her kitchen.

She blinked and stepped away from him only to sway on her feet. He grasped her around her waist with both hands this time and murmured, "Let it pass, Ryan. Give it a second. It takes some time to get adjusted to the sensation."

Her hand tightened on his bicep and he refused the thrill than ran through him at the sensation. "This isn't much different than traveling by angel air," she stated. "Neither are much fun."

"Yeah, you have to have some evil or angel in you to appreciate it I guess."

At that, she snorted. "I don't think so."

"Why?"

"Because I have some of both in me, Dean."

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

She looked at something and his eyes traveled to the bottle on the table. "Hell yes," he muttered.

"Have a seat. This will take a while."

He sat and his gaze was wary on her as her shaking hands poured two stout glasses. She downed hers and poured another. "Fuck. I can't believe this. After all this time, _now _is when you choose to show up. Shit. Andy's going to kill me. Thankfully she isn't bridezilla…"

Dean didn't pound his drink back, instead, he sipped it. "Feeling the need to come clean about some shit, Ryan?"

She sank into her chair and looked at him. "First, show them to me."

His eyes narrowed. He knew what she wanted, and wasn't she just a masochistic shit to want it? "No."

She let out a snort of laughter. "Come on, Dean, it's not like I don't see them in our son…"

He felt a pain somewhere in the vicinity of his heart. "What?"

She shook her head. "No, start at the beginning, right?" She sucked in another breath and began; "New Orleans. That's when Hope was conceived."

"You told me you didn't have the…necessary equipment," he reminded her roughly.

"I didn't. Dean, I swear, I didn't, not until that night."

"What? Sex with me makes you grow a uterus all of a sudden? My magical jizz creates something from nothing?"

She chuckled. "Not exactly. That day, after we had sex the first time, and we fell asleep, I had a dream, only, it wasn't a dream. I was in a white room. It was beautiful, if slightly gaudy, adorned with gold statues and, I don't know, fancy I guess you'd say? Anyway, there was a man there."

"Zachariah," Dean seethed.

She blinked and her brows knit. "No, of course not. What would that douche want with me? No, it wasn't him, but it _was _an angel. Gabriel."

Dean's jaw ticked. "Gabriel? Of course. Gabriel came to see you."

She nodded. "I won't give you a play by play, but he came to me three times while I slept. He told me he wanted me to be your children's mother and I was already pregnant with Hope. He said he could take her away, make me forget…Dean, I couldn't do it. I knew I was screwing you over the moment I said 'yes' but nothing could make me tell him to leave, to just go screw himself and walk away from her. I had to have her. I had to protect her."

She took another great breath. "I didn't know she was an angel until after Castiel raised you from Hell. She heard it on angel radio. I called Gabriel to me and he examined her, said he'd given her an extra dose of angel grace when he fixed me. I should have known then he was lying, probably did, but I didn't want to face the alternative. She was such a beautiful creature and I loved her so much, it didn't matter, you know? She was mine, she was yours, and I loved her enough for both of us."

"What about Gabriel? Did you see him again?"

She worried her lip. "Here's where it gets kind of sticky…he came to me shortly after that, asked me to do him a favor, to just say yes if he needed me. I told him of course I would, whatever it was, I would do it. I know now, you and Sam don't have a lot of love for the angel, but he'd been nothing short of wonderful to me, so of course I agreed."

"What did he want?"

She looked down at her hands as she wrung them. "His grace came to me, like a wisp, murmuring to me, begging entrance."

"YOU LET HIM POSSESS YOU?!"

She cringed at his outburst. "Yes."

"What in the actual fuck, Ryan? Why the hell would you let that dick with wings anywhere near you?! To be possessed?! By an ARCHANGEL?! Are you INSANE?!" He was furious and all but foaming at the mouth. He sucked in a breath through his nose to calm down when a thought occurred to him. "Why didn't it kill you?" he asked, a little softer.

She sighed. "I didn't realize it at the time, but it has to do with vessels. You're Michael's true vessel, right?"

"Yeah, or at least, I was. I don't know what I am now that I'm a demon. Sam was Lucifer's."

She nodded. "It comes down through the bloodlines, right?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah…"

She sighed. "Did you know my mother's side of the family is originally from Norway?"

He just stared at her.

"Loki is a Norse God, Dean."

He blinked as all the puzzle pieces fit into place. "_YOU _are Gabriel's true vessel?"

She shrugged. "Not exactly, slow your roll. I am, however, of the lineage. I let him ride piggyback for a little while until he found his next vessel."

"Which was?"

She stared at him pointedly. "I know you're an intelligent man, Dean Winchester. Think about it a moment."

He ticked off the years and months on his fingers as he thought, adding up the time from when Gabriel supposedly died. She was the lineage, he needed a vessel… "Bobby? _Your_ Bobby is Gabriel?"

She nodded solemnly. "I didn't know, not until after you…became what you are and Cas showed up on my doorstep. Hope already knew who she was and didn't tell me. She knew about Gabriel, too. Cas had to explain all of it to me. He could sense Gabriel in Bobby immediately."

"But…they're vessels. What about the kid's souls?"

"They don't have any, not per se. They are angels in empty human vessels. They entered their vessels as soon as the cells were formed."

"But…Hope…is that her true vessel? Won't she like, burn out?" He remembered something about that guy Lucifer was possessing not lasting.

She shook her head with a smile. "With my lineage, and Michael's from your dad, and Lucifer's from your mom, our kids are the crème de la crème of vessels. If it hadn't been Hope, it could have been any angel. She's…universal, I guess you'd say. She's fine, trust me."

"Wait…" All that was fascinating, but a thought was making its way to the forefront of his mind and he was feeling nauseated again. "You mean…Gabriel was possessing you when we…when you…when I…"

She rolled her eyes. "You can say the word 'fucked', Dean. When we fucked. When we had sex, Gabriel was in me, yes. He was lying dormant within me, though. He wasn't actually _me _during that time. He…shut his eyes, for lack of a better word. And it was only that first time. As soon as your super sperm hit my egg, he bounced."

"You took the cure, you were bitten by vampires. You were half crazed…"

She nodded. "Yeah, about that. Something else I didn't know, when a demon possesses someone, it leaves part of the evil within them behind. Same thing with an angel. I had demon and angel juice in me, just a hint of each, in any case. It was warring with the vampire side of things. I was…I couldn't keep up with it and I was crazed."

"But Bobby, Gabriel, whoever, he's okay after being subjected to vampire juice?"

She shook her head. "Not exactly. He's an angel, Gabriel is definitely in there, but his body, his…vessel, is also part vampire. A true hybrid. No one knows what to think about him. That's the reason Andrea stayed in the first place…she's tutored the boys all through school thus far. She's taught them up to this point and will continue to do so. They aren't normal kids, Dean."

"The little one, the one I haven't met…Jon. He's a demon, isn't he?"

She nodded again. "A cambion, but much…worse? Better? I don't know. He is similar to Jesse, but…not. We aren't sure why. We are assuming it's to do with your Mark of Cain that turned him. He accidentally fell out of a tree not long ago, snapped his neck, and it killed him. He woke up a little while later. But he's had the black eyes since almost birth. So, he's more demon than human…" she trailed off and smiled as she obviously thought of her youngest son. "But he's a great kid. He's a real sweetheart, both the boys are."

He wanted to know more about this boy, the boy who would, most definitely be king, but he needed to find out more about his daughter. "Hope is an angel, but…what else?" He could sense she was stronger than the vibes Cas gave off.

Ryan's smile grew. "Picked up on that, did you? You're right. She's no ordinary angel. She is the virtue, Hope. They had powers quite similar to archangels. She fell when Gabriel did. They were best friends for centuries. She was in witness protection like Gabriel."

"Who was she?"

"She was the former God, Dionysus."

He knew enough about mythology to know the name. "You're shitting me."

She shook her head. "Nope, I'm afraid not. Once she arrived on earth, she took on the vessel of Dionysus, the unborn son of Zeus and Semele, and was born into the world as Zeus' immortal child, the god of fertility and wine. In Dionysus' body, she brought joy and divine ecstasy, but also brutal, unthinking rage. But she had a big heart and felt sorry for her vessel's mortal mother, so she went to fight Thanatos in the underworld to bring Semele back to Mount Olympus. At least, that's the abridged version."

"Dionysus was a dude."

Ryan laughed. "Yeah? Well? Factors like male and female mean nothing to angels, Dean. One body is just as good as another. Hope did say she enjoys being a female better, though, so that's good, I guess…"

They sat there in silence a few moments while he absorbed everything. Finally, he said, "There are prophesies about you, about this, in Hell, Ryan."

She nodded. "I know. Cas has done quite a bit of research. Meg came to him and told him what you found out from Raeburn. I went and visited Lucifer, and dug up more."

_She WHAT?! _"You…you went to _hell _and visited the fucking cage?"

She nodded. "Yes. I did. And don't bother berating me for it. I already got an earful from Sam about it."

"And no one thought to tell me any of this?!" he shouted.

She swallowed. "We had to know, Dean! We had to know it would turn out alright! We couldn't just send Jon to apprentice under you! He's a child for fuck's sake! He needs to know what it's like to be human! Why else do you think we went to find Jesse in the first place?"

"Jesse. That's the kid me and Sam saved. The antichrist."

"He's a _cambion_," she replied scathingly, making him realize she cared for the boy. She was protecting him, even from Dean's words. "Jesse is part human and part demon, _just like your son_!" she shouted, looking a bit like a demon, herself, as she raged. "He's a hell of a lot less evil than you are, Dean, especially since Lucifer's locked in the cage. Jon's powers are much stronger than Jesse's because he gets his power from _you_!"

Dean had never liked people shouting at him, he'd gotten it enough from his father, so it put his back up and he growled as his eyes flickered black in irritation at her. Since he'd become the king of Hell, only two people were allowed to yell at him, and they only did it when he needed to see reason, which wasn't often.

He realized what color his eyes were immediately, but to his surprise, she didn't shriek or back up or become terrified, none of that. "Don't," he said roughly as he looked away and closed his eyes, willing them to return human again. "Don't look at me, Ryan. I'm…I'm the thing you're most afraid of."

"You're right," she managed softly.

They sat in awkward silence a moment and to his surprise, there was no fear in her voice as she inquired, "Why do you have Raeburn as your personal chew toy?"

"What? I need something to keep me from going on a homicidal rampage, isn't it obvious?"

She shook her head. "No, you don't. You can even handle having the blade with you now. I know. Cas tells me everything."

That admission didn't surprise him in the least, and he _would _be having words with the angel for lying to him this whole damn time. "I could have called that damn blade to me long before I did. Him taking it…it didn't do a damn bit of good. I could have had it if I needed it."

"But you chose to let him keep up with it." She paused. "It sat in the bunker in a glass case. I looked at it almost every day I worked in there. Once, when I was lonely for you, I got it out and touched it, just to imagine I was feeling you."

"Damn it, Ryan…"

"When I was pregnant with Jon," she started and closed her eyes before she cleared her throat. "When I was pregnant with him," she continued, "I touched the blade. It sent a spark of electricity through me. He was born because the power traveled from it through me, into him."

"Ryan…" he couldn't hear about this. The betrayal was too fresh, the hurt too sweet. Three times, she had been pregnant with his kid, and three times, he'd been unaware of it. Didn't she realize what that did to him? He might have been a demon now, but he still had _feelings_. Now, maybe more than ever.

"I know this doesn't excuse anything, Dean, but, I love you. I've loved you from the moment I met you. You can either accept that or not," her voice was bitter as she added, "I don't give a shit."

_How can she say that to me, _now _of all the times to admit it? Not when she's just cut me to the fucking bone and I'm a damn demon? _"You loved me so much, you lied to me for our whole relationship?"

She looked at him a moment and laughed coldly. "Our relationship? Oh, go fuck yourself, Dean! We haven't _had _a relationship! We've gotten together and fucked and you've knocked me up! How is that a damn relationship?"

"What do you want? A fucking medal for fucking me over? Sorry, peaches, I'm all out."

She balled her fist and moved to deck him, but he grabbed her closed hand. "I'm stronger than you, Ryan. You seem to be forgetting, I'm not a person, not anymore. I'm a fucking demon!"

"Yeah? Well so is our son!"

He dropped her hand as if it had burned him and she sat back in her seat once more.

They stared at one another for a moment, neither wanting to be the first to look away. "Let me see them," she implored again. "Please?"

He concentrated and his eyes flickered to black. "See what I am, Ryan? See what I've become?"

She leaned over until she could touch him, her hand going to his cheek again. "I see _you_, Dean Winchester," she said, and her voice was filled with the awe he too, felt. "I see you. Just you with black eyes instead of the Jolly Rancher Green I love so much."

He flicked them back to his human state. "I'm a monster, Ryan."

"Who isn't? Even the angels are monsters. None of us are good. None of us are perfect. None of us are anything other than just exactly what we are."

"What do you want from me?" he asked finally.

She looked at him and her expression was half exasperation, half pity. "Nothing. I've never wanted anything from you, Dean. I can't fight how I feel, I don't want to."

"Where does that leave us, Ryan?"

She shrugged as she sat back again. "I don't know. Where do you want it to leave us?"

That was the million dollar question, wasn't it? He didn't know the answer to that. "Jon…he's the boy king, isn't he? The true king of hell?"

She worried that lip again and it was driving him crazy. He was fluctuating between being so pissed off he could murder someone, to so fucking turned on, he just wanted to bend her over the damn table and he couldn't quite figure out why.

She then nodded, getting his attention back to her words as she stated, "Cas is certain. When Jon's old enough, he is to take The Mark from you and rule hell. Hope will take over with the panel of angels and rule heaven. And Bobby, well, he's part vampire, part human, part angel. He will rule purgatory…which is a story for another day." She paused and sucked in a breath. "That only leaves earth and it has its hunters to protect it."

"Who?"

She smiled softly. "The second generation. Krissy, Sam's kid, Claire, Ben…"

"Ben? My Ben? Ben Braedon?"

She nodded and grasped his hand. "I got a call a few years ago on one of your phones. Sam keeps one, I keep the other. There was a…an accident. Lisa died on route to the hospital. Ben…he was fine, but you were listed as his next of kin."

"I don't…he doesn't remember…"

She smiled sadly. "Cas only wiped their memories temporarily. They came trickling back to them. They knew, both of them did."

"I…he's mine, isn't he?"

She nodded yet again. "One hundred percent human, but most definitely half Winchester. Lisa had a DNA test done. Ben knew the truth when I went for him. But him being your son, it fulfilled the last part of the prophecy."

"You keep talking about the prophecy. I know what the one in Hell says. What does the one in Heaven say?"

She took a breath and recited, "He who is the righteous man will bear fruit, and thus the balance will be restored, one to Heaven, one to Hell, one to Purgatory, and one to the Earth. This shall bring about the balance between the plains. And then the man, who was dealt many blows, shall finally find peace."

"Peace? What does that mean?"

She smiled. "It means, once Jon takes The Mark of Cain from you, Cas will turn you back into a human. You can die a human's death and you can finally be free."

"Will I die right away, or…?"

She shook her head. "I think you'll just finally grow old, Dean. Or maybe you'll die. I don't know. If you go back to hunting, probably some monster will kill you in the end. But you'll be free. No takebacks, no comebacks, just…freedom from a life you didn't want."

"It sounds too good to be true."

She shrugged. "It isn't without its hardships, sweetie. Life is a bitch."

"So…no catch?"

She shot him a look. "You're already the King of Hell. You're a demon, Dean. Isn't that catch enough? And you'll have to be until you hand over the reins."

Silence reigned again as his mind raced. "This is a lot to process."

She snorted. "Ya think?"

He chuckled. "Are you alright?" He wasn't sure why he was asking. He should hate her on principle for lying to him from almost the beginning. Why wasn't he more pissed off at her?

She thought a moment. "Yeah, I am." She paused, and when she spoke again, he hated hearing the tears in her voice. "I'm sorry I kept this from you, Dean. When Gabriel first approached me, I knew I was doing wrong, knew I was doing _you _wrong, but…I knew it had to be me. I had to do this. It was a chance for my life to count for something."

Again, he knew he should be pissed at her. He had every damn right to be pissed at her. But all he could think of was that last sentence. All he wanted to do was comfort her. Why? She was the one that betrayed him! But he couldn't help himself as he grasped both her hands in his and said, "Your life has always counted for something, Ryan," he told her. "You never saw your own worth, but I did. That night, in your apartment, at college…I meant everything I said and did."

She smiled softly as she flipped her hands under his and squeezed his as tightly as she could. A tear tracked down her face. "I know you did, Dean. And I have lied about this, I know, but I swear to you, I didn't do it out of malice. I truly thought I was doing the right thing. I still do. Gabriel gave me three rules. One, I had to teach the kids to hunt, and they had to know about the supernatural, which was a given. Two, I had to be with you, only you, and three, I couldn't tell you. It was almost a deal breaker. I knew I couldn't be with another man besides you, no matter what, that one was a no brainer. I guess Sam or Cas is the closest I've been to a man, and I love them like brothers, both of them, but it isn't the same…there is no desire there, not like with you."

She licked her lips and her eyes lit to his. "I wanted to come to you, to tell you the truth before now."

He let that sink in before he whispered bitterly, "Why didn't you?"

"It wasn't the right time, I guess. And too, I was scared."

"Of me?"

"Honestly?"

"I think we're past the point for more lies, don't you?"

She paused a moment. "For a while there, yes. I knew if I saw you again, I'd still want you and the part of me that was terrified of demons couldn't fathom the fact that you'd become one."

He winced and she must have noticed it because she continued, "It wouldn't have stopped me, Dean. I still wanted you. It was tough for me and Sam, you have to see that. You were a monster. Whatever Sam saw in that warehouse screwed with his head. Royally. He had PTSD for months afterward and that didn't help me any. I had nightmares about you," she admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry," he began softly.

She shook her head and licked her lips again. "No, don't be. I…I had a run-in with a djinn. It was a hybrid. It made your dreams come true and then turned them into your worst nightmare. I dreamed of you. We were together, fighting a monster, having some of the best sex ever, and then…" she bit her lip as the tears rolled a little harder down her face. "And then, the dream changed."

"Ryan…"

She shook her head and she sucked in a stuttering breath. "No. I…I need you to know. The things you did to me, the dream you…it was the worst thing I've ever experienced. And you _know _I've experienced a lot. It fucked me up, Dean. I realized it was all a dream, but it messed with me for a while. It was when Meg came back up and told me you were torturing Raeburn that I was ready to let it go and realize you weren't like that."

"Meg?"

She nodded. "Meg's…well, she's a friend, I guess you'd say."

He let out a snort. "My own damn knight is conspiring against me."

Ryan smiled at that. "Well, in her defense, she's looking after your son's best interests, including protecting me. She's awesome, Dean."

"She's a demon."

"So are you."

He shrugged at that. There was no escaping that particular truth.

"But that was a turning point for me, Dean. I knew you wouldn't torture Raeburn for grins and giggles. You did it for me. I know it. That helped. Then, later, much later, I found your journal. Your real one."

He flinched. There was some private shit in there. "Did you show it to anyone?"

She shook her head adamantly. "No. It's mine. I haven't told anyone and I haven't shared it. It's…It's like my security blanket. I take it with me and I pull it out and I read about how you used to love me and it gives me strength."

_Used to? Try still do. _He blinked. _Holy shit…_

"So, you want to know more about the kids, right?" she asked, bringing him partially out of his revelation, but he couldn't quite concentrate on her, not just yet.

_I still love her? Do I? Can I? _He focused on her earnest face and nodded. _Kids. Focus on one thing at a time, Winchester. _

She smiled. "Well, Hope is an angel. She's pretty damn powerful, not as powerful as Gabriel, but she's stronger at the moment simply because he's still a child. She's not at one hundred percent power right now though."

His interest in his kids quickly won out of his desire to figure out what the fuck he was feeling for Ryan at the moment. He'd get back to that. "When she is, will she go upstairs forever?"

She shook her head. "She's supposed to. But I have the feeling she'll be popping down here quite often. She's a Winchester first. The family business always comes first, right after the family. Everything else takes a backseat. It's the way we work."

He was amazed. They had it all figured out. Where was there room for him?

As if she sensed his thoughts, she stood and moved to sit in his lap, surprising him with her forwardness. "You'd be a great father, Dean, demon or not. Ben is always telling stories about you to the little ones. Hope remembers Sioux Falls and how wonderful you were that day and shares it, too."

He couldn't do that, could he? He was a monster, one of the worst kinds of monsters. "I'm not good, Ryan," he told her. "I never have been."

She ran her hands through his hair and tugged on his ear. "None of us are," she reminded him. "Not one."

"Yeah, but…this is a whole other level of bad," he added.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his forehead. "You might be bad, but you fight for good. That's what Jesse's doing. That's what I'm teaching Jon. Seems like you'd be the perfect role model for them."

"Ryan, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," he admitted.

She smiled. "Well, that sounds like me. You think I knew shit about being a mother? It's called a learning curve, Dean."

He pondered that a moment and didn't realized she had shifted on his lap until her lips were on his ear. "You can be whatever you set your mind to, sweetheart," she purred. "You know that."

"You are the best woman I've ever met, Ryan. Why is that? What is it about you?"

She leaned back to look him in the eye. "Well, our children played matchmaker before they were created, so, there is that…plus they got a rogue cupid to make the deal a bit sweeter…"

"What are you…?"

"Soul mates, Dean. We are soul mates."

His brows furrowed. "What does that mean?"

She shrugged demurely. "Whatever you want it to." She smiled sweetly. "I mean, we could deny this attraction we have for one another, if that would make it easier."

Her grin grew as she moved closer once more. He could almost taste her breath as it puffed on his face. It smelled like whiskey and Ryan and he was a man dying of thirst. But he couldn't, not until he made her understand. "Look, I wanna be completely honest with you, okay?" he managed.

She leaned back just slightly, but he could still feel her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

He had to focus on his words instead of her fingers toying with his hair. It was quite distracting. "So, I'm not good. We've established that."

She nodded and when she didn't comment, he continued, "So, I'm not good, and I've…well, I know it's been a busy few centuries down in hell, but I found time for sex, you feel me?"

She nodded and smiled as her tongue snaked out to lick her lower lip.

_Fuck. I wanna bite that lip_. He couldn't quite hold in the little whine of desire that flared in him. "Damn it, Ryan, I've fucked my way through half the demon chicks under me, except for Bela and Meg…I mean, Bela and I hooked up before, and that's a whole other fucked up discussion we need to have, but, not since she's been my knight, and…"

Her finger moved to his lips, silencing him. "Shut up, Dean."

"It was sex," he clarified as he removed her hand from his mouth, forcing her hand into her lap. He couldn't help but realize her skirt had ridden up slightly, showing off miles of that milky white skin of hers. He attempted, once more, to focus. "It was a lot of sex. A _lot _of sex, Ryan. But…nothing meant anything. Not since you. Sex doesn't mean anything to me, not like it did when I was with you."

He was quiet a moment as the realization dawned. It was her. It always was, wasn't it? It always had been. He could be mad about the cupid thing, about Gabriel, about this destiny and prophecy crap, but why bother when what he felt, or used to feel, was right here in his damn lap, waiting for him to make a fucking move? He was a monster, the king monster, but still, in all of this, he'd managed to find something worth keeping, find something worth fighting for.

He licked his lips as his gaze focused on her again. "I don't know why it took me losing my life and being down in hell to see it, but the damn writing was on the wall from the get-go, wasn't it? I've loved you ever since our first kiss when we were eleven. I didn't know it, didn't realize it, until it was too late. I tried. Man, did I try to pretend I didn't. When I walked away from you at college, I knew I was making a mistake. When I woke up alone that morning in New Orleans, when I walked out on you after giving you the vampire cure, and even in Sioux Falls, I knew I shouldn't have walked away. I am not the same as I was, and truthfully, I don't know if I'm really capable of love right now, but I know I _did _love you, Ryan Fawcett. I always did. And for what it's worth, I'd like to try to learn how to again. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to figure it out."

She gasped. The declaration hung in the air only a moment before she cleared her throat. "Well, in your defense, you have been busy what with the dying and the running Hell and all that other shit," she murmured. She sucked that lower lip into her mouth. _Really? Do women just do that to fuck with men's heads?_ Then her mouth was moving again as she asked, "But, Dean, do you mean it? Really?"

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I mean it, Ryan. I have always loved you. I'm just really shitty at showing love, okay? And, hey, demon, King of Hell here, so, I'm not too sure I'll be any good at it anyway, but I'd like the chance, if you'd let me." It was all at once too easy, and at the same time, absolutely perfect. He'd never experienced anything like it in his life, demon _or _human. Why was that? Was this that bitch, Fate, screwing with them? Or was this something really good? Could he just sack up and let it happen this time? Let happiness find him for once in his miserable life? And did it really matter either way? He damn sure couldn't walk away now if his life, any of his lives, depended on it.

"I would be honored," she purred as she moved to close the distance between them.

Her lips tasted like honey and he moaned as he plundered her mouth. Her hands were all over him, feeling every inch of him she could find over his jacket and he wrenched it off before he stood, holding her in his arms as he walked her over to the countertop. "Need you," he growled. "Say the word if you wanna stop."

"If you fucking stop, I'm going to grab the demon shackles from the trunk of my car," she groaned.

He leaned back and his eyebrow popped up. "We're already at the joking stage of this situation?"

She smirked and began unbuttoning his shirt as she looked him in the eye. "If you don't laugh, then you aren't doing it right."

"I'm not entirely sure…" he began, but then her hand snaked into the front of his pants and he moaned before his mouth sank to hers for another kiss.

They made out for a few moments when it occurred to him…they could take this to a bed, if they wanted. And honestly, she deserved to be treated better than a quick fuck. He pulled away and he loved seeing the disappointment in her eyes. "What?" she panted.

He smiled. "We could take this upstairs…"

She ran her hands around to grab his ass, pulling him closer. He could feel her heat through his clothing as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Or, we could just do this here and now," she breathed.

"Here works," he muttered as he dropped his pants.

She giggled as his mouth dipped to her neck, licking and sucking the juncture with her shoulder and she moaned as her head fell back against the cabinet door. "Fuck," she groaned.

His hands were moving all over her again, massaging the exposed skin of her back. "Since when do you wear clothes like this?" he managed as he bit her shoulder.

"I, ah, shit, Hope picked it out for me."

"Remind me to thank her," he moaned as his lips and tongue continued to taste her delectable skin.

Her hands found purchase in his hair again as she bit his earlobe. "I've become comfortable in my own skin, finally. Scars and all."

"It's hot as hell. And I should know. I rule there."

Her eyes popped open and she looked at him a moment before she burst out laughing. "What am I going to do with you?"

His right hand moved down to cup her through her satin thong. She gasped in surprise as he ripped the seams and tore it from her body, dropping it onto the floor. "Love me?" he pled gently.

"With pleasure," she told him again as she grasped him and guided him where he wanted to be.

"Fuck," he growled as he thrust and was fully sheathed inside her. "Damn it, Ryan…"

"I know," she agreed as her nails dug into his shoulders and her heels dug into his ass.

Their mouths fused and he thrust his tongue in time to his movements and she eagerly took every bit of him he offered.

He pulled away just enough so he could see her eyes. The beautiful honeyed whiskey depths called to him and she smiled softly as her hand traveled to his cheek, rubbing the scruff there. His eyes closed of their own volition as he felt her getting close. "Open them," she commanded. "Let me see."

"No…" When he lost control of his emotions, the black eyes took over, every time. He couldn't help it. The demon chicks got off on it, but he couldn't let her see…

"Do it, Dean. Let me see."

He snarled and his eyes popped black when he opened them and they narrowed. She smirked and fused her lips with his as they came together, their eyes still focused on the others'.

He blew out a breath and sank against her, his head dropping to her shoulder. "You're a masochist, Ryan," he muttered.

Her hand was in his hair again, scratching his scalp. She kissed his ear. "No, I'm not. I just want to see all of you, Dean."

He lifted his head, almost afraid of what he'd find in her eyes. To his surprise, she was looking at him the same as she had only moments before. "You're still you," she murmured.

He snorted. "Just new and improved, huh?"

She giggled. "Something like that." She panted out a breath. "You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy."

Dean grinned. "Pat Benatar?"

Ryan shrugged as she flipped her now messy mop of curls behind her head. "Hey, at least it wasn't Katy Perry." At his raised eyebrow, she amended; "Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison."

Dean's grin was wicked. "Well, you're already infected if you're with me. And, honey, after what we just did, you're damn sure full of my poison."

Her eyes clouded momentarily.

"What?" he asked in concern.

She shook her head. "Nothing. I'll need to tell you other things, but now…" She glanced at the clock on the stove and winced. "We've got to get cleaned up and back to the party…"

"Why?"

"Because…" just then, her cleavage began…singing? Katy Perry's voice was going on about kissing a girl. He'd have to ask her about that later. "Shit," she growled as she reached into her bra and pulled out her phone. "What?" she barked into it. She paused to listen. He could make out Sam's tinny voice, but even though he could hear it, he didn't want to intrude on her call. "Yeah, I'm still alive. What? Did you really think he was going to kill me?" She winked at him, causing him to grin. Out of everything that she'd told him, all the feelings that ran through him, the urge for homicide hadn't even hit the top ten. Well, it _had _but the urge to kill _her _hadn't popped the top ten, in any case.

"Damn it, Sammy," she growled. "Slow your roll. I said I'd be there. Yes. I'll bring Dean." He just looked at her and she shrugged. "No, I'm not going to let him slink off to Hell again." He smirked at that. Well, he had considered it. She grinned at what he was sure was guilt written on his face. She laughed at something Sam said. "Yes, I banged him on the fucking countertop. Happy now?"

_Geez, Sam, maybe you and Cas both need lessons on personal space. _He was expecting her to be mad, but to his surprise, she laughed again. "Thanks. I feel much better. I'm so glad you're keeping up with my sex life, Sam." She rolled her eyes. "Ew, no, come on. You're so full of shit, it's a wonder _your _eyes aren't brown."

He wished he would have listened in to that. What had caused her to tell him that? Dean chuckled as he pulled away and snagged a kitchen towel to clean up with before he pulled his pants up. He wasn't sure how to handle Ryan and Sam's…relationship, to be honest. Hell, how was he going to handle any of this? Sure, with Ryan, it was easy, but having everyone looking at him, watching his every move…family…could he do this?

"Sammy, if you don't shut the fuck up now and let me off this damn phone, I'm going to pop your shoulder out of joint. Again. Then you'll be walking around with a damn shoulder brace for your wedding." She smiled. "Yeah, I love you, too, goofball. We'll be there in about fifteen…eh, give me twenty, 'kay?" She paused again. "No. You hold my steak. I'm starving. And if you give Bobby one more piece of chocolate cake, I'm going to make you keep up with him tonight." She grinned again at whatever he said. "Goodbye, Sam," she sing-songed.

She clicked the button on the phone and sighed, dropping her head back against the cabinet again. "You know, I miss the satisfaction of snapping a flip phone closed."

"You…you call him Sammy?" He hated the fact of how much it hurt him. Only he called Sam 'Sammy', even Sam said so, once upon a time.

She lifted her head and sent him a sad smile. "The first time it happened, it was an accident. I hated it the moment it came out of my mouth, seeing the hurt on his face…I apologized, but he shook his head, told me if I'd have been with you, I would probably do it anyway. Said I was his niece and nephew's mom, that I had a right to call him that. I'm the only one, well, outside of Bobby, who calls him 'Uncle Sammy' which I suspect he does just to annoy him." At what he felt sure was a quizzical look, she added, "His memories of being Gabriel are coming back piecemeal."

"Did Hope's?"

She nodded. "Hope's came back very, very slowly, then, after you visited in South Dakota, it was like the floodgates opened and she remembered everything, almost like she needed to know she was a supreme being, just in case. Her powers began coming back much faster after that."

He only had one angel to reference being born human, Anna Milton hadn't remembered her angel life once she had been born human. "Do they both have their angel grace?"

Ryan nodded. "It's different for Hope and Gabriel. They're superior angels to the usual worker bees you've met, including Castiel. Their mojo works differently, even in human vessels that were born."

"Interesting." And it was. The whole thing was fascinating.

She looked at him a moment. "You know, I was just bullshitting Sam. If you aren't ready to handle The Winchesters at large, you can bounce, Dean."

He blinked. For so long, The Winchesters were only him and Sammy. Now, _they _were the legacy. He had _kids _for crying out loud. "I…uh…"

She jumped down from the counter and landed lithely on her feet. "Come upstairs. I need to clean up."

He eyed her. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

He smirked. "Because, if I get you in the vicinity of a bed, we're never making it out of here."

She paused a moment, then gave him a wicked smile. "Touché. Give me five. I just need to check my hair, fix my makeup, clean the chassis…"

His smirk grew. "Take your time."

She bit her lip.

"What?" he asked as the smile dropped off his face.

"You will be here when I get back, won't you?"

He chuckled and walked to her. He put an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. In her shoes, she was almost as tall as him. "Ryan, I swear, I won't run out on this."

Her eyes closed as if she were staving off hurt. "Don't make promises, Dean," she whispered. Her eyes opened. "It gets harder from here. This," she said as she gestured between them, "You and me? It's the easy part."

He weighed what he wanted to say next. "Okay, look, I swear, I won't bail on you tonight. I'll be here. I'll go with you to the restaurant. I'll…deal with the scrutiny, I…" he couldn't help the emotion that filled his voice when he said, "I want to meet my kids."

She gave him a look, and it said a million things. Her hand traveled to his cheek again. She nodded softly. "Okay, Dean. Let's let you meet your kids. Everything else will work itself out, alright?"

He nodded then smirked as he smacked her butt. "Now, hurry your ass up, woman."

She chortled. "Don't you know enough not to tell a woman to hurry? She's obligated to take twice as long when presented with that ultimatum."

He smirked. "Nah, you're as eager to get back to those kids as I am."

She snorted. "You don't live with them. I could go take a week long vacation from those little shits and not bat an eye."

He smiled at the love and adoration in her voice. He shrugged. "They're Winchesters. We're pains in the ass. Don't you know that by now?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah, I'm well aware. Be right back…"

He watched her go, admiring her ass in the skirt she was wearing with a raised eyebrow and a smile. He glanced around the entryway and peeked into the front room. It was a combination living room/play room. There was a huge Lego city constructed on the coffee table, and a giant Matchbox cars raceway in the corner with quite a few cars situated around it. Through open French doors, he could make out a dining room with a huge sheet covering the table and chairs and a note in crayon that said "Fort Winchester. All trespassers will be zapped by a demon or an angel." He chuckled, wondering if it was Bobby or Jon that wrote it.

Glancing about, he saw a ton of Batman and Avengers action figures scattered around in the vicinity of an almost empty toy bucket. Of course, all the toys were strewn on the floor around it. He saw more Lego's, more action figures, and a ton of little green army men like he and Sammy used to play with, too.

Turning slightly, he saw a bookshelf filled to the brim with books ranging from occult books that were surely Ryan's, to books about car engines to cartoon dinosaurs. There was a huge TV over the fireplace in the corner, and some kind of game controllers were thrown on the sofa. The house was comfortable, just like her house had been in South Dakota. He walked back out to the foyer and glanced down the hallway that led further into the house. He couldn't help looking at the pictures adorning all the walls. Tons of pictures.

Her, Hope, Bobby, and Jon filled the space, but there were lots with other people in them as well. He zeroed on the one with his kids in it. It looked like a basic family portrait. Hope had her mother's figure, her brown eyes, but her facial features looked like him. Bobby looked identical to Ryan, except he was stocky; lithe, but muscular. His sparkling brownish-hazel eyes spoke nothing but mischief, and Dean wondered if it was because he knew it, but he could have sworn he could almost see Gabriel peeking out of the boy. Then there was Jon. It was no denying Jon was his…he looked identical to pictures of Dean at that age, right down to his bright green eyes and the smirking mischievous look on his face.

He smiled as he moved on to the next picture; one of Ryan, Sam, and the kids at a water park. All of them had on swimsuits and smiles. They were all wet, so clearly, they'd been there a while, and all had tans. How odd, to think of Sam at a water park. They'd not had time for a lot of fun while hunting in the past, but now, with Ryan, she was making Sam take the time. He also saw one of them at Disney World and he was glad to see the happiness on their faces.

He looked at the next picture, one of Hope and Krissy, who was a few years older than his daughter, and _wow _wasn't that something to realize? He focused on their surroundings in the picture. They were at the bunker shooting range holding up their perfect targets. He smiled. Krissy would have been good for Hope, he imagined, and wondered if they were good friends.

He saw one of Charlie with both of the boys on her lap, sitting in the big chair he'd noticed in the living room, reading what he could only assume was Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit or Harry Potter or something. He could only imagine the stories she came back with from Oz. He was glad to see the picture of her. Apparently she'd survived her adventures and he briefly wondered if she had gone on more, or if she was content hanging out at the bunker as a Woman of Letters.

He moved down the hall and found a picture of him and Ryan. He remembered Ryan taking pictures of that night in South Dakota, and he remembered Sammy taking this one. He scrutinized his face. He could make out how The Mark was already affecting him. He could see the hardness in his eyes, though he was smiling. It had been the beginning of the end, hadn't it?

The picture a few steps down the hall stopped him dead. It was a picture of him, Ben, and Lisa, from the year he'd lived with them. He didn't question where it came from. If Cas only modified their memories for a short time, then he'd have stolen back the box of mementos Dean had gathered from their house. He'd thought he had burned all of it, but apparently Cas was smarter than he gave the angel credit for. He briefly wondered how it made Ryan feel to know he'd been with Lisa, then he chided himself for even thinking it. What difference did it make now, anyway? He knew he should morn her death, but his emotions were too full at the moment to process another damn thing.

A little farther down the hall, he could easily spot a now adult Ben with Hope sitting on the hood of an old Ford Galaxy, both wearing huge smiles, coveralls, and grease stains. He let his finger run along the edge of the picture frame. "How am I going to be able to look you in the eye, man? I failed you, just like I do everything and everyone else…" he was beginning to regret swearing he would stay. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be doing this, should he?

"Dean? Are you ready?" Ryan called as she walked back down the staircase.

"Yeah," he stated gruffly.

She stopped at the bottom step. "Are you sure? I know the kids want to see you, and that you want to see them, but everyone is there. All of our friends, all of _your _friends."

"All of my friends are dead," he stated sadly.

She gave him a pitying smile. "Is that what you think? Well, you're wrong. Everyone at that restaurant loves you and misses you."

"Who brought Kevin back?" He wasn't sure why he was asking, but he had his suspicions.

"Hope."

"Her power fluctuates that much?"

She paused. "Yes and no. She brought Kevin back, but it almost killed her. She had been talking about it for months but I hadn't realized she was serious. I hate myself for that. I knew she was impetuous. I should have…" She sighed. "Her and Kris went off and did it without telling me. Those two…thick as thieves and nothing but trouble. I had to ground them both on top of the inquisition she faced in heaven. There are rules now, and one of them is no miracles. She's…basically on probation from upstairs. They're limiting her power."

"How?"

"They've put some kind of sigil on her, burned it into her flesh. It was…it was awful. I didn't like it, and I raised holy hell about it, but what could I do? It's above my pay grade. I'm just her human mother. They took it personally, I suppose. The rules and regulations make it better, but she's rebellious. Apparently she always has been."

At that, he smiled. "Is it wrong that I'm glad she didn't listen?"

She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't be a Winchester if you didn't see _her _side of it." She sighed again. "I'm not a monster. Of course, I understood _why _she did it. Kevin's death was senseless, but still, she had no right…"

"He was stuck in the veil. I assume he didn't make it upstairs yet."

"No, he didn't, but that wasn't the point."

He didn't want to fight about this. Not now. He was glad Hope was Winchester enough to do what she felt was right. In that instant, he felt…pride in his daughter. She was a good person. Angel. Whatever. He looked at Ryan. "You grounded Krissy?"

Ryan shrugged. "Well, the punishment was fitting. They weren't allowed on hunts for a few months. They were stuck doing the grunt work of research for the boys instead. They hated it."

"Krissy listens to you? She wouldn't listen to me."

"She's an adult, but she…we have a mutual respect. She realized it almost killed Hope and she was present while Cas and I argued about Hope's trial in heaven so she knew what went on upstairs. Luckily, the angels realized Kris didn't have anything to do with it other than being there and she had no say over Hope, so they didn't even take her in for questioning. But...she couldn't forgive herself for being a part of all that, so she sort of grounded herself along with Hope."

"So, how does the hunting thing work?"

"Ah, now that is an interesting dynamic." She glanced at her watch and winced. "Come on, I'll tell you in the car."

"I can just…"

She shook her head adamantly. "No, thank you. I don't like traveling by angel _or _demon air, but I appreciate the gesture."

He chortled. "If you insist."

He noticed she'd put her hair up into a pretty bun, leaving a few strands curling around her ears. "Sorry I messed up your hair," he managed as he fingered the soft curls.

She smiled. "No you're not."

He really wasn't.

Her grin grew. "I don't mind. Besides, I like it up, better, actually."

"I like seeing all the curls down your back," he admitted.

She touched his face again. He loved it when she did that, he always had. "I'll take it back down later, Dean. Promise."

They walked a few steps toward the door where she stopped to open it and his gaze traveled down to her ankles. She, of course, had added Jon to the band around her ankle, but that wasn't all. She had more ink. Six bands wove their way around her ankle now. "What're the new ones," he asked as he squatted down behind her. She turned her ankle so he could see the names; Krissy, Ben, and Jesse were tattooed in bands to match her children's names, along with dates that weren't their birthdates. His gaze traveled to hers.

"The dates they came into my life," she answered softly.

He felt like the Grinch with his heart growing three sizes. He fingered their names before he ran his hand up her calf and up her leg to brush just under her skirt.

She let out a moan as his hand gripped her thigh. "Not that I wouldn't love for you ravage me up against this door, Dean, but I did promise I would come back tonight."

He gave her a crooked grin and moved his hand, letting it skim over her until it traveled to her shoulders once more. She had a new scar. A bullet hole was ripped through the left wing of her tattoo. He touched it tenderly. "What happened?"

She shrugged as she opened the door and they stepped out onto the porch. "Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing I didn't survive."

"You've survived a lot," he commented.

"I could say the same about you," she countered. "Come on, Demon's this way…"

They made their way to the exterior garage and she smiled as she walked in. "Hey, sweetheart, ready to take a ride?" she purred as her hand slid up and over the car's trunk and rear quarter panel.

He chuckled under his breath. "I'm surprised Hope isn't driving this."

She shook her head. "Nope. Hopey has her own car, a 1964 baby blue Ford Galaxy she calls 'Angel' that she's restored."

"She's into cars?" He had seen the picture, but still…

"She wasn't, not really, until Ben showed up. Working on the cars in the bunker was cathartic for him and Hope began pestering him about it until he showed her around under the hood. They fixed up Angel together. Ben bought it for her."

"That's cool," he responded, not sure what to say.

She smiled as she leaned against the car. "It was a good bonding experience for them. She insisted on going with me when I went to pick him up." She paused. "It was a dark time for him, when Lisa died. He was then thrust into this life, and I know you didn't want that for him. It was a hard adjustment for all of us. He was a teenager, almost an adult. He reminded me more often than not that I wasn't his mother."

Dean winced. "Was he mean to you?"

She didn't respond for a moment. "I'm an adult, Dean. Sticks and Stones and all that jazz. We worked through it. He's not mine, but he's mine. I would never want to take Lisa's place, but I think he found room in his heart for me. He and Hope…the two of them hit it off immediately. I'm so glad I listened to her when she asked to go along to get him. I don't think I could have talked him into coming home with me if it hadn't been for her."

"Did…is he mad at me?"

She shook her head. "He gets it. He got it then, truthfully. He wasn't…happy, but he understands now that you did what you thought was best."

"I didn't want him in the life. I kept thinking…I was just nothing more than a weapon. I was just a gun and a mouth."

"You know you're more than that. You were then. You are now."

"Yeah, now I'm King of Hell," he muttered.

She smirked. "Well, you're a dick, too, if it's any consolation."

"Hey."

She giggled, but sobered. "I hope you don't mind, but, well, when it was evident you weren't coming back, the Impala stayed in the bunker's garage for a while. It hurt Sam too much to drive it. He took some of the cars in the bunker for a spin before settling on a 1950 Indian motorcycle. Damn, that thing is gorgeous. I've taken it for a ride or two, and let me tell you, you've not lived until you've felt the power of that bitch between your legs."

He cleared his throat and shifted his now roaring erection as he imagined her on a motorcycle. That was just…almost too much to think about.

"…then, well, when Ben came in the picture, we let him drive it. It's his now. I hope that's okay."

"The motorcycle?" he asked as he attempted to focus on her and what she was saying.

"No. The Impala. We've given Ben the Impala to drive. He and Jesse use her for hunting."

He smiled at that. "Yeah, that's fine. I haven't given the car much thought, actually."

Something passed in her eyes, sadness, he thought, but it was gone quickly. "Yeah, well, Bobby and Jon are pretty adamant they're getting Demon when they start hunting. I suppose I'll have to let them have her. Maybe I'll take Lola."

"Lola?"

She smirked. "The red sex on wheels in the bunker. I don't know, Lola sounded like a good name for her. She's a little small for hunting, but she's beautiful and classy, and, yeah, fucking sex on wheels, as I said."

He chortled. "I was always amazed you knew anything about cars."

She rolled her eyes. "I _don't _know anything about cars. Not like you, Ben, or Hope, anyway. I know nothing more than Bobby Singer taught me. But I know when one is gorgeous. And now that we have Ben and Hope keeping them tuned and in excellent condition, it's nice to have a wide variety of vehicles at our disposal." She smiled. "The little boys are learning about cars, too. They want to be like their older siblings."

"How old are they now?"

She slid behind the wheel. "Bobby's almost nine and Jon is five and a half. But they're both advanced and with Andy tutoring them, they're both doing the same schoolwork."

He slid onto the passenger seat. He knew they'd touched on it, before, but he reiterated, "Is Bobby…uh…I mean…he's Gabriel, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, well, his memories are slowly trickling in, as I said. He remembers some things, but not everything, obviously."

"This whole thing…it's just…"

"Guano?" she provided. "Yeah, tell me about it. Imagine living it for most of your adult life. You get used to it. Eventually." She cranked the engine and it purred to life.

"Wow," Dean muttered. "It's been a while since I've actually been in a car."

She chortled. "Then I suggest you hang on." She tore out of the garage, down the drive, and out into the night.

He sat back and enjoyed the ride. It took him back. The last time he'd rode with her in Demon, they'd been on that vampire case. Which reminded him… "So, Bobby's an angel and a vampire. How does that work?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, he doesn't have fangs, at least, not outside of Purgatory."

"Purgatory? You took him to Purgatory? You've been?"

She nodded. "I've been twice. Bobby…well, he's…it's interesting. He remembered a _lot _while he was there. Anyway, he's not exhibiting symptoms of vampirism here. He's normal for the most part. Though, I suppose normal is relative. I mean, he and Jon both have powers we have to keep a watch on. Hope's powers didn't manifest quite like Bobby's have, so I guess he's different in that aspect, it's all a crapshoot. The panel upstairs has no idea what to do about the kids, but they meet the requirement for the prophesies, so they're letting them be for now. I was worried when we first found out that upstairs would do something and I'd find myself in some kind of battle, but they listen to Cas, so that's good."

They were quiet for a moment before she said, "So, hunting…you asked about hunting."

He nodded. "Yeah, what's going on with that?"

"Well, first, Sam doesn't hunt much anymore. He's…he's the new Bobby, for lack of a better phrasing."

"He's not calling anyone an idjit, is he?"

She laughed. "No, he's refrained. But he is the top in the field of monster lore. Occasionally, though, a case is too big, or he wants to keep up his skills. In that instance, usually Andy or I go with him."

He remembered seeing them together and his thoughts turned dark. "I saw you, once," he growled.

Her brow knit and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Where?"

"On a job."

She blinked. "Okay."

"You kissed him."

"Sam? I kiss Sam all the time. I'm a touchy-feely person, actually. I probably would have been even more so, my mom always was, had I not been terrified of men, Dean."

"No. I mean, you _kissed _him."

She was silent a moment as she thought before she gasped. "Nebraska."

"Yeah. What was up with that, Ryan? Did you two…have you slept together?"

She whipped the car to the side of the road so fast, had he been human, he would probably have gotten whiplash. She turned to him and glared. "Excuse me?!" she shouted. "What the fuck, Dean?"

"It's a legitimate question. The two of you have spent almost six years together, Ryan, living together for I'm assuming most of that. I know you two have kissed. What else have you done?"

"I'm not a fucking _whore, _Dean Winchester! You're _still _the only man I've ever had sex with, you…you fucking _asshole_!"

He watched her as she stood from the car and began pacing on the dark, deserted road He, at least, had the common sense to remain silent as he realized how it sounded, what he'd said. He stood, too, and walked around the car to her. "Ryan…"

She shook her head as she completely flipped out, waving her arms around and ignoring him. "Unbelievable. I should have known. _You're _the one out whoring around with any demon you can stick your dick in, but me? Nooooo…I'm out there doing my fucking _job, _almost getting _killed _in the process, raising our fucking _kids _for fuck's sake, and what do I get?_ I_ get called the whore. Fabulous."

"Ryan, I didn't…I mean…I just…"

She stopped in front of him and glared.

He huffed out a breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, okay?"

"Really? I had no idea." The venomous sarcasm dripped from her words.

"Look, I was open and honest with you. Do me the same courtesy, please."

Her jaw ticked. "Nebraska. There was a demigoddess who had a thing for adulterous women. She punished them. It was easy to pretend I was cheating on you with your brother, because every touch, every look, every smile I sent his way made me feel like the biggest, dirtiest whore in the land…" she shook her head and when she spoke again, her voice was soft. Sad. "I fucked with his head so bad on that job, Dean. He was just getting his life back in order, you know? We were hitting our stride with everything. Krissy and Ben and Jesse were with us then and our dynamic changed. We'd been sending them hunting, they were all grown, but this case, it took our two most experienced hunters. I went undercover, basically, so did Sam. It took us six weeks on the case. We had to wait for the lunar cycle to be right, had to time everything just perfectly, and in those six weeks, something changed."

At his expression, she shook her head. "No, not for me, don't worry about that. I knew you were it for me, demon or not, but Sam…he got comfortable. He thought…I don't know what he thought. I guess he maybe entertained the notion that I meant what I was saying and doing during that time. We ganked the bitch and he…" she shook her head again. "It wasn't _just _him," she admitted, causing his eyes to narrow, but he waited for her to finish before he raged.

"I got caught up in it, too. But then…" She blew out a breath. "I hurt his feelings _so_ bad in that motel room..." A tear leaked out onto her cheek. "I didn't mean to, I just didn't know how to stop where it was going, and maybe I took it too far as well. It never occurred to me he would think of me in that way, and I had been trying to deny what I was seeing in him for a long time. I…it was the heat of the moment, I guess." She huffed out a breath. "It wasn't the same after that. He ran away, went off hunting alone for a bit, then, when he came back, everything had changed. It was then, I guess, sometime during his leave, he realized we were like brother and sister. More, probably, but nothing that could develop into anything. And the, miracle of miracles, everything else fell into place."

"Andrea."

She nodded. "He met Andrea."

He knew he wasn't out of the doghouse, and, well, he should have stayed there a bit for his insensitivity, so he hoped changing the subject might help matters. "I just…how did that happen? Andrea?"

She blew out a breath as she slipped back into the car and Dean followed suit. Once he was seated, she put the car in drive and resumed their trip. "Your daughter was the cause of it for the most part."

"So, when she screws up, she's mine?"

Ryan chuckled. "Yes and no. She didn't screw up. She just…took matters into her own hands, which is definitely the Winchester way, isn't it? Sam was too chicken shit to do anything about the attraction between him and Andy, so, Hope did him a solid and got a cupid involved. They were slated to be knocked in the head with an arrow anyway, but then Ruby happened and…" She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, they all but fell into bed together, I had to basically kick his ass when he realized what he'd done, and had to tell him to go for it. He didn't want to, he was scared. Well, hell, I would be too, in his position, but he finally gave in, they started dating. They moved in together, then, well, he finally worked up the courage to ask her to marry him and she blurts out she's pregnant. I wasn't there, but apparently he fainted." She smirked. "Feel free to bust his balls about it. I still do on occasion."

"I just can't believe so much has happened, so many things have changed…"

She shrugged as she made a right hand turn. "Life went on, Dean. It had to, especially for Sam. He didn't want it to, but needed to."

"I'm glad you were there for him," he told her honestly. He'd always looked after his brother. When he'd become this…_thing_, he had to pass that care on to Cas. He should have known Cas would take care of Sam for him. And he had, by passing Sam on to Ryan.

"It was all thanks to Hope. She called Castiel to her, told him what was what. I didn't know she knew she was an angel, and I still wasn't sure about it at the time, so it was a surprise to me when Sam showed up on my doorstep." She was quiet a few moments before, "It was bad, those first few weeks. He came to me and we just…" she paused, seeming to search for the right words. Finally, she shrugged. "It wasn't that hard on me. I never had you to lose, not like that. But, Dean, if you could have seen him…"

"I hate it," he said finally. And he really did. Tonight, it seemed as if every emotion he hadn't felt for the past six years had bombarded him. "I shouldn't have left him alone."

"I know you hate it, Dean. Believe me, I get it. In your position, I would have done the same thing."

"You would?"

She nodded. "Absolutely. You did what you always do; what you thought was best. But, then, you did what you always do and didn't ask anyone else if what _you _thought was best was what really _was _best."

He gave her a rueful smile as they pulled up to the valet at the restaurant. The valet opened the door for her and Dean smirked as she pulled the little guy close. "Listen to me, I know every scratch, every dent in this car. You fuck her up, I fuck you up. Don't let the heels fool you, I know ten different ways to kill you without a weapon in my hand and I have a knife in my garter. Understand?"

The kid looked like he was going to piss his pants, but he nodded.

She smiled sweetly as she patted his face. "Good. Go park her away from everyone else," she purred as she slipped a twenty in his pocket. "There's a Benjamin in it for you if you make me happy." She released him, tapped him on the nose, and walked to Dean, whose mouth had fallen open.

"Damn, you are bad ass," he told her.

She smiled and slipped her arm in his. "You have to maintain dominance at all times, else people will screw you over."

"I just popped a woody," he admitted.

She laughed throatily. "We'll have to see if there is a coat closet in this place."

_I love you,_ he thought, but he couldn't say it. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to say it, but it hadn't seemed to bother her that he hadn't admitted it aloud.

They walked back by the hostess, but he didn't even pay attention to her as his hand found the small of Ryan's back as he guided her to the elevator. She turned and smiled up at him. "Okay, so, real quick, I'll go over a few things, alright?"

He sucked in a breath. "Okay. Go."

She smiled. "I'll go by age order, how about that?"

"The kids?"

She nodded. "All six of them are mine now. I'm mama bear. You don't fuck with mama bear. They all know it. Hell, all the hunters know it. No one messes with Ryan Fawcett."

He chuckled. "Sounds like a plan. Asserting dominance?"

She nodded again. "Exactly. So, Krissy's the oldest. You know her, so that's cool. She usually hunts with Hope, but she and Ben went on a hunt a few months ago that turned out to be…interesting."

His eyebrows shot up. "Interesting how?"

"They both came back sporting hickeys. Of course, they thought they were playing it cool, but I knew. I had known, but then Ben accidentally blurted it out, and, well, yeah…it happens."

He laughed out loud. "Alright, so, they're…dating?"

She shrugged. "Somewhat. I won't let them hunt together if they can't keep their hands off each other and their clothes on."

"Good move."

"So, Jesse's next. He's grown up since you saw him last. He's a great guy. He's got his powers under control."

"And he and Hope are dating?"

She nodded with a smile. "A demon and an angel, right? Go figure."

"And it works?"

She paused, seeming to search for the right words. "It's complicated. Hope's seventeen. She's a high school graduate already and working on her college degree in theology as well as in mythology. There are a lot of things she missed while she was Dionysus, so she's playing catch up. Jesse has seen and done almost everything the world 'round. Hope remembers being human and living it to the most, so they're both a little wild at times." She paused and looked at him. "She is most definitely your daughter. Thankfully when angels take over female bodies, they can't reproduce."

His mouth fell open. "Meaning…"

She nodded. "Yeah, well, nephilim are only created by angels in male vessels and human females. Don't ask me why, I just had to make sure when she started going wild we didn't bring home anything that might cause you know, the wrath of heaven or anything."

He snorted. "Good to know."

"I know, right?" She smiled. "But you should see the two of them fight…her angel grace battling his demon powers? It's amazing. They make each other better hunters, but that's why I separate them. I put Jesse and Ben together so Ben has someone with powers, same as Kris and Hope. It gives them a little bit more help."

"You don't let Ben and Hope hunt together? Why? Wouldn't siblings work together better?"

She nodded. "They could, and they have, on occasion, but I figured it would be easier with two girls and two boys. They work better like that, actually." She smirked. "It's turned into a contest between them. Girls versus boys. Besides, watching the two girls work is a sight to behold. They dominate the boys, especially when it comes to some of the demons that escape."

He winced. "I try to keep a lid on them…"

She held up a hand. "Oh, I know. They claw their way out. It's not like Hell has border patrol or anything."

He nodded. He couldn't keep them all locked in. He tried, but a border patrol wouldn't work, not with all the cracks and crevices they could escape through.

"I've told you a bit about Ben and Hope. They're not kids anymore."

Her voice was sad. "You've done amazing with them, I can tell already."

She smiled at him and shrugged. "Then there is Bobby," she continued, ignoring his praise. "He's almost nine. He's a really good fighter. His powers are just starting. I have him and Jon together most of the time. They're just like Jesse and Hope; their powers fight one another and it is making them both great fighters. Of course, I'm training them with weapons as well. Both of them get tired when they use their powers, so I'm wearing them out then training them with weapons. If Bobby is going to go to Purgatory for more than just a visit, he's gotta be ready."

He nodded. "Yeah, it's not a walk in the park. Hell is a definite improvement over Purgatory, got to be honest. And with the Leviathans in there…you sure he's supposed to rule the joint?"

She nodded. "Cas seems pretty confident, then, when we met up with Eve, that sort of cemented it."

"Eve?"

"Don't ask. Trust me. But, hey, archangel juice is flowing through him. I think he can handle it."

He was dying to ask about Eve, but he held that one in. He wouldn't get every answer he wanted tonight. "Damn. I just can't believe he's _Gabriel_. That's just…fucked up."

She giggled. "Yeah, well, you're right. You should see him. Most of the time he's Bobby, my son. But occasionally, Gabriel shines through him and let me tell you, the kid _loves _fucking with Sam. It's hilarious, really."

Dean smiled at the thought as the elevator dinged at the stop. She held the door closed as she continued, "Jon is the baby. At five and a half, he's still powerful, more powerful than Jesse was at his age, or so Jesse says. But he's still a little boy. He and Bobby like Legos and superheroes and dinosaurs and matchbox cars and when they are tired or don't feel good, they want hugs and cuddles from Mommy." She smiled at that. "All my kids are cuddly, even Hope likes to cuddle still, on occasion, when she's being nice, anyway. Some days…well, she's a moody teenager with angel juice. It makes things complicated."

"It sounds like your _life _is complicated."

She laughed. "It really is. And I love every moment of it. Most of the time. Sam's great. He always knows when I've had enough of being Mommy and I need to be Hunter Ryan. He keeps me balanced. And Andy…she's just fit seamlessly into our lives."

"How did you wind up with Ruby's relative?"

"Twin sister."

"What?"

She nodded with a smile. "She's Ruby's meatsuit's twin sister. She and I have been friends for years."

"And the fact she's Ruby's twin sister didn't bother you?"

"She's her _meatsuit's _twin sister. Not Ruby's. Keep them separate, Dean. It makes a difference."

He opened his mouth to make a witty retort, but rethought it and snapped his mouth closed.

"Good. See? You're learning."

He glared at her. She glared right back but then she smiled. "After Nebraska, Sam went off to have some space. I was alone with the kids. Andy and I had been friends, then, she called me after you went down south. She had heard rumors. She thought it was Sam. She knew about Sam and Ruby, so when she found I was living with Sam, she thought, like you, that we were shacking up. She got mad and refused to talk to me. After that, we didn't speak for years until finally, one day, she came to me and wanted to make amends. She was there when Sam returned."

"So, she's really not _Ruby's _twin sister, but the meat suit."

She nodded. "Ruby inhabited a Jane Doe. What no one realized was Andrea had found out about the Jane Doe and went to see her in the hopes it was her sister, whom she was estranged from. She got there just in time to find out what happened."

"What happened?"

"Ariel, which was the meatsuit's name, was pronounced brain dead. They pulled the plug, she woke up. But when her sister's body went missing for almost a year after being declared brain dead and unplugged, only to come to life the second the machine cut off, she was curious and she went digging, trying to find her. When Ariel wound up dead in a convent in Maryland where some weird shit just happened to down, Andrea figured something was definitely up."

Dean winced. "Ruby was a bitch, but Sam had kinda insinuated she needed to take an empty meatsuit."

Ryan nodded. "I got the low-down from Sam about it after the fact. Andy had actually figured it out all on her own over time. She's wicked smart. She came to me for answers, actually, about her sister. She wanted to make sure her sister hadn't suffered. She'd learned a lot about you guys and wanted to know more. She happened up on Garth a long while ago. He gave her my number, we started talking years ago, actually. I met with her before you and Sam showed up in South Dakota. She and I have been friends forever it seems now, since Hope was a little girl. I had knowledge thanks to The Gospels, so I was able to clue her in to what she didn't know."

"Wait. Wait. The Gospels? They stopped, didn't they? When Chuck disappeared?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I guess not. I received them from the time I got pregnant with Hope until the angels fell."

"So you knew everything, all this time? And you didn't say anything?" The feeling of betrayal came back in a sharp sting.

"What was I supposed to say, Dean? I couldn't tell you about the kid, and from what I gathered, you didn't like anyone knowing your shit, so I figured you wouldn't want me to come clean about reading the Supernatural books _or _the transcripts that came afterward."

"I just…I can't believe it. You know more about me than I do."

She smiled. "Hardly. I had no idea you'd show up tonight, if that's any consolation."

He smirked. "Yeah, I like to keep it fresh." He paused, then inquired, "So, you know this Andy chick. What happened when Sam met her?"

She chortled. "Well, that was interesting. I knew she had been a teacher in Ohio before she started hunting…"

"Wait. She's a hunter?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Yes, Dean. keep up, would you?"

"Smart ass," he pouted, earning a grin from her.

"Anyway, whenever she showed up, it just made sense for her to tutor the kids, you know? I told her the truth of it all. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So, Sam came back with his tail tucked between his legs, trying to make amends for being an assmunch and we made up. Then, Andy walked in. I swear, you should have seen the look on his face. He had Andy bent over the table so fast…I thought he would snap her neck on sight. He flipped his shit brilliantly. I would never have been able to hold him back. Ultimately, it was Bobby and Jon who held him back with their combined powers."

"What happened then?"

Ryan smiled. "Bobby and Jon had him pinned to the kitchen counter. Once we realized he wasn't going to murder Andy, they released him, she took Jon upstairs. When he was little, if he used his powers, it exhausted him too much. Sam and I, as usual, had it out, then she came back downstairs." Ryan chuckled. "Andy's bold as brass. She walked up to him and told him she wasn't a demon." Her smirk grew. "She reached into his pocket, pulled out his flask, downed a shot of holy water, and cut her arm just to prove it to him then and there." She looked up at him. "I swear, it was like watching a bad Spanish soap opera. I could almost see the hearts fluttering in the air. It was the strangest thing I've ever witnessed, and I've seen some weird shit, Dean."

He snorted. "Me too. So…she looks just like Ruby?"

She nodded. "Almost identical. But if you know her, there are little differences, ones you'll especially notice because you have additional powers. She's one hundred percent human, that much is evident. She's wonderful."

"And they're having a baby."

"They _have_ a baby. Steven was born two months ago. Andy said she'd be damned if she was going to be the one walking down the aisle as big as a barn in a white wedding dress." She smiled. "Sam does whatever she wants. It's so cute. They're so happy together, Dean. It's…it's unbelievable. I love watching the two of them. They fit, you know? They rotate around one another in perfectly timed movements."

Sam was happy. Sam had a baby. Sam had a wife, well, almost. That was all he ever wanted for his little brother, for him to be happy. "So, they're living together?"

Ryan nodded. "They have a house. Sam's a homeowner now. They bought a place just down the road from me. I should have shown it to you, we drove right past it on the way back."

"Is he…he's not like dad, is he? That's what scared both of us the most, well, it's what scared me the most…"

She bit her lip as she thought. "None of us are normal. Hope got the most normal childhood. For the first seven years of her life, we were normal, just a mom and a child. After Bobby, it wasn't the same, but we tried. We managed it until I got pregnant with Jon, then normal went out the window. With Steven, Sam's not going to hide any of this. We've realized now that the Winchester name means something. If he's meant to hunt, he'll grow up to hunt. If he's meant to be a Journaler, then, that's what he'll do. Free will is a thing, but so is Destiny."

"Destiny would have led me and Sam to being some archangel's bitches," Dean growled.

She shook her head. "You're not getting it. You were always destined to say 'no' because that's who you are."

"Gabriel thrust us into that stupid TV show to make us see we had to play our parts…"

She shook her head. "Is that why you think he did it?"

"It's what he said."

She shook her head. "Gabriel will have to explain it to you one day, but I got a good look into his mind when he was inside me, Dean. He didn't hold much back. He showed me a lot about Heaven, about you and Sam, he didn't tell me his master plan…finding out he's riding shotgun in my son was definitely a nasty shock, but everything else, I get now. Every little bit of the pieces are falling into place just like God commanded."

"So…Gabe took his marching orders from God?"

She nodded. "Of course he did. How else would the prophecies come true?"

"I thought he ran away from God."

"He was in witness protection. Who do you think put him and Hope there in the first place?"

"I thought he hid from his brothers."

"He did." She sighed. "Look, you may not realize it, but destiny and free will are closely linked. Of course you would say 'no' to Michael. That was all part of the design that led to this moment. And when you said 'no' and averted the apocalypse, the next logical step took place. Every single thing you've ever done, all the million and one decisions you've made over your whole life has led to this moment."

"And it is meant to be?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"And you're just swallowing that?"

She shrugged. "Free will means doing what _you _think is right. Destiny follows free will. They aren't mutually exclusive, Dean." She took her finger off the button and the door opened. She smiled. "Are you ready?"

He glanced out into the empty hall. He could just make out the sounds of laughter from the room down the hall. He squared his shoulders. "Let's do this."

* * *

**An2: Final note of the day; I hope, really hope, you liked how Dean came back in. Not to worry! There will still be lots of issues for them to work through. Not everything was discussed in this chapter. There will be other things and we see Cas and Dean talking in the next chapter. The next two chapters still revolve around the rest of this night and the wedding itself. Then we move on to new and exciting times. **


	27. Hanging on by a Thread

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. If I did...yeah, I'd still torture them for thrills and spills.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: HOLY COW! Thank you all SO much for all the love with the last chapter! Yay! Dean is back! Okay, so I know a few of you have this whole love/hate thing for Ryan. I get it. But she's doing the best she can with what she has to work with. If you had been terrified of demons your whole life, and the man you loved most in the world turned into one, wouldn't you be a bit afraid to face him again? Besdies, what's done is done now. Can't undo it. Or can I? LOL.**

**So, moving on to business...for the people who question if I'm a true Dean girl. Yes, I like to torture my characters. I'm sadistic by nature. I get off of the pain. Having said that, TRUST me when I tell you, I've got the happiest ending in the world planned for Dean. I'm talking sickeningly so. This story isn't a short story. I tried, but it isn't. Think of this story as a play. It has four acts. Act one was the set-up, Dean and Ryan meeting time and again. Then, with The Mark of Cain, came the second act. The third act is Dean being back in their lives. This act, I'm anticipating about 10 chapters. Then the fourth act. That one depends on you guys and if you like how it happens. I appreicate the trust. Just enjoy the heartache as it comes. You know it wouldn't be a Supernatural story if it didn't include heartache, right? **

**Now, on to some fun stuff...how about a little Daddy Dean time and some bonding, yeah? **

* * *

**Dean POV**

Ryan moved toward the room when Dean grasped her wrist, stopping her. "Wait."

The corner of her mouth lifted in amusement. "Yes?"

"Hot button topics. What shouldn't I talk about? Six years, Ry, what don't I say?"

Her brows knit as she thought. "Hmm, good point. Let's see…" She crossed her arm under her elbow and chewed on her thumb a moment. "Okay…for the kids…don't mention Kris and Ben dating. It's still somewhat new and we're not really talking about it and I'm afraid it's going to blow up in our faces, but at the same time, I can totally see it working out between them. Don't mention how much Andy looks like Ruby. It pisses Sam off. Do _not _bring up anything about Nebraska…"

"A lot of these are common sense, Ryan."

She shot him a glare. "Fine. Don't mention Oz to Charlie."

"Why?"

She winced. "It…didn't go well. She'll have to tell you that story when she's ready. Don't bring up Dorothy, either. Charlie's in a good place with a good woman, alright?"

Dean smiled. "She happy?"

Ryan nodded. "She is. But…well, it's complicated."

Dean's brow quirked. "What's complicated?"

"It's my life, Dean. What isn't complicated?"

He sighed. Sometimes it felt like he was pulling teeth to get information out of her, though, he realized she had been quite forthcoming thus far with everything. "Could you be more specific?"

Ryan opened her mouth and closed it before she made a sound in the back of her throat. She shook her head. "She's dating Claire Novak."

"Castiel's vessel's daughter?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

"Holy…"

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "Tell me about it. And it's only a bit more complicated because Ben had sex with her, too."

"Charlie?!"

She rolled her eyes, "No, dipshit, Claire."

"Oh." He processed that a moment before he asked, "But I thought he was with Kris?"

"He is now."

Dean grinned despite himself, earning a punch to the arm by Ryan. "Wipe that smirk off your face, Winchester."

Dean shook his head and sobered slightly. "I didn't realize Ben was that much like me."

"He's a lot like Lisa, too," she put in. "Well, what little I know of her, anyway. I only met her once, after all. He's a good guy, Dean."

"You saying I'm not? Or, wasn't?" he asked gruffly. It almost hurt his feelings.

She shook her head. "Of course not. I just…wanted to make sure you knew he's not a carbon copy of you, either."

His brows knit. "You met Lisa?"

She blew out a breath. "Once. You took her to Bobby's. Something about a djinn?"

He let out a gasp. "You were there?"

"I showed up about a day later nursing a burn after Garth and I went after a wendigo."

"I just missed you," he replied wistfully, then blanched.

This time, she smirked. "Yeah, can you imagine if I'd have shown up with you there along with her? Can you say 'clusterfuck'?"

"Whoa…" They stood in silence a moment before something occurred to him. "Hope was a baby," he pointed out.

"She was little, yes."

"How often did you hunt after she was born?"

"Enough," she stated stiffly, cluing him in to the fact now wasn't the time or place to get into her parenting abilities. Like he could have done a better job? He couldn't believe the kids, even without their own personal brands of mojo were as normal as they were. He knew he and Sam weren't as children…

"We good?" she muttered under her breath.

He nodded and she moved toward the end of the hall again when he grasped her arm this time. "Wait. Tell me about Hope and Jesse."

Ryan chuckled. "What's there to tell?"

"She's an angel. He's a demon."

"Half demon, but, yes."

"So…what? She couldn't shack up with an angel dude? Or at the very least, a human?"

Ryan shrugged. "Angels aren't her cup of tea. Apparently humans aren't either."

"And demons are?"

Ryan smirked. "Yeah, well, like mother like daughter. We dig the bad boys."

Dean rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, guess I'd better continue with the hot button topics. And…moving on to Castiel…" She winced.

"What?"

"Dean…you have to understand, when Cas decided to help me, it meant him lying to you. He didn't do it to hurt you. You know that, right?"

He nodded slowly. He knew. Cas would protect who he felt needed protecting. And he felt, with good reason, Ryan and the kids needed protecting. "Okay. I get that."

"But…Cas didn't anticipate meeting Tory."

"Tory…?"

"Victoria Allard."

Dean searched his memory banks and remembered a hunter by that same name. "Not the hunter…the one you and Bobby knew?"

She nodded. "That's the one."

"Cas is shacking up with her?"

Ryan bit her lip, gave him a half smile, and nodded. "Yeah. They've been together for, damn, probably three years now? Shit, it's been a long ass time, now that I think about it. Anyway, a little while back, Tory got sick. Cas was busy, he didn't know. She was really sick. Brain cancer. She didn't want him to heal her. She knew he could get in trouble. There's a slew of rules and regulations upstairs now in regards to miracles, hence Hope's sigil she's got, dampening her powers. But, Andy, however, didn't listen to Tory's shit and called Cas down to us. He healed her and then they went off to Vegas for a romantic getaway…it ended with them getting married."

His hand shot out to grab her shoulder and to steady himself. "Could you repeat that?"

She giggled. "The angel got himself hitched," she told him, and her slight southern accent thickened just slightly on the statement. It would have made him smile had he not suddenly felt overwhelmed by the revelation about his angel friend.

"I think I need to sit down."

"Yeah, well, Hope remembers Cas from her time upstairs the first time around. She's had a ball with this. Says she can't wait for Gabriel to get big enough to understand Cas and his…new appreciation for sex." She shook her head again. "Not for nothing, but I'm really not sure mixing Winchester with angel juice was for the best."

Dean grinned. He was liking his daughter more and more. And this thing with Cas? Epic. Even though it would take some getting used to. "Okay, so, try not to tease the angel husband, got it. Don't mention Oz. What else?"

"Garth and his wife are here, too. She's pregnant."

"A wolf puppy?"

She slapped his arm. "This, Dean. Rein it in. I know you want to tease and have fun and I'm all for that, but…six years, babe."

He nodded soberly. "I got it."

She smiled. "Besides, they've already got a litter and they're all here. Ask him about them and you're golden. Then you'll be sitting there all night. I'll come rescue you. Eventually." She eyed him a moment and his nerves must have shown on his face, because she grasped his chin between her thumb and forefinger. "Are you okay?"

"I'm scared shitless," he admitted. "Which, hey, King of Hell, so…I shouldn't be, right?"

She shook her head. "You aren't a king in there, Dean. You aren't a ruler. You aren't anything other than Dean Winchester." She smirked. "Well, with a little more juice. Let everyone guide you. It won't be as uncomfortable as you think."

He wasn't so sure about that, but he let her put her arm through his and lead him to the door. He stopped her again. "Wait."

She rolled her eyes. "What? You big pussy."

He glared at her but then he grinned. "Why is Sam's ringtone 'I Kissed a Girl'?"

The corner of her mouth lifted into a half grin. "Oh, that isn't Sam's ringtone. He called off Andrea's phone."

Dean blinked. "You and Sam's girl...?"

She giggled. "Remind me to tell you about that sometime."

She started pulling him toward the room again. "Damn it, Ryan!" he growled.

She just shook her head and led him into the room.

If he was expecting the music to stop and the din to die down when he walked in, he was pleasantly surprised when no one really seemed to notice his arrival. Of course, the angels in the room looked up at his presence, as did the demons, and two little boys both shouted out, "Mom! Daddy!" at the top of their lungs, and before Dean could really react, both boys had latched themselves onto his legs.

He blinked and looked at Ryan for a moment, who smiled softly, before he knelt down to give them both hugs. "Hey, guys, what's up?"

Both boys began talking simultaneously and he heard Ryan giggling as she pulled out her phone and snapped a few pictures of them. He focused on the boys and grabbed them both up for a hug again. He was feeling those human emotions more by the moment, as if bits and pieces of his humanity were returning, as if this, his family, were a soothing balm to his soul, almost if it were untwisting and brightening.

"Daddy, did you know I can shoot a moving target perfectly?" Bobby was saying.

"Daddy! I's can read Enochian already!" Jon shouted.

"Boys, give Dad a break, okay?" Ryan chided softly. "Tonight's overwhelming for him, alright?"

Each boy slipped a hand in Dean's and they began tugging him into the room, still talking about inconsequential things. He didn't know where they were taking him until they stopped at a table and deposited him before they ran off toward a group of kids he could only assume were Garth's.

Andrea turned to look at Dean and he almost gasped at the physical resemblance to Ruby she had. Wow. As a demon, alternate worlds, and even now, Sam gravitated to the woman. It made him wonder about that fate and destiny crap.

"Hello, Dean." She stood and gave him a quick hug. "I'm glad you came."

"Uh…thanks."

She smirked and looked around him. "Your steak should be out momentarily," Andy told Ryan, who came up behind Dean and pinched his ass. He looked at her and grinned. This woman was nothing but trouble. Man was he in love with her or what?

"Thanks, Andy."

"Yeah, I told the waiter to be on the lookout for an evil bitch and a sexy beast and when he saw the two come in, to get your meat to you." She inclined her head to the door where the waiter was bringing in a plate. "Perfect timing. It wasn't like they had to do a lot to it."

Ryan grinned as she plopped in the chair next to Andy with a grin. "You know me so well, my friend."

"Medium rare, baked potato, lots of sour cream, what's complicated about that?"

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked, interrupting the two women's conversation.

Andy smiled. "He's changing the baby. He'll be back in a few minutes." She eyed him, then smiled. "Have a seat, Dean. You look like you could use a drink."

"Or four," he commented as he, too, sat.

"Luckily, the fun is just getting ready to start."

Ryan gasped. "Andy…you didn't."

Andrea inclined her head. "Of course I did."

"What?"

The two women looked at one another, then Dean. "Karaoke!" they giggled.

He heard a throat clearing behind him and he turned around to find Hope standing there. Now that he knew, he could easily see himself in her in the set of her jaw, his nose, the shape of her eyes, though they were the warm brown of her mother. He stood. "Hope."

She smiled and he could see the grin was his too. "Dad."

"Did you know, in South Dakota?"

She inclined her head. "Of course I did. Mom and I don't have secrets. She told me from the beginning she would never lie to me. She hasn't. We've always known who our father was."

"I wish I had known."

"Me too," she stated softly. "But you know now. That's what matters."

"Angel, huh?"

She shrugged. "It's a living."

"I don't…I don't know how to act around you."

"Well…you could start by giving me a hug."

"I don't disgust you?" He wasn't sure why he asked that, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

Her brow furrowed. "Why would you? You're my father. Your blood flows through my veins."

That was all he needed as he reached out and pulled her to him for a huge hug.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear.

He pulled away and looked at her. "You're beautiful."

She grinned. "I know."

He chortled as they separated. "You've got my modesty, I see."

"Yep. The smart mouth, well, Mom's is almost as bad as yours, so I got a double dose."

"I regret that every day," Ryan muttered from behind them.

Hope smiled again. "So, lean, mean, Dean. I've been dying to see you."

He just glanced at Ryan, who sniggered before he turned back to his daughter. Now that hugs were out of the way, he didn't quite know how to react. "I've thought about you," he answered honestly. "I wondered what kind of lady you'd turn into."

At that, she snorted. "Lady? Not so much. Not even the angel juice can make me into a lady. I never have been."

"I heard. Dionysus?"

She shrugged. "What can I say? I enjoyed drunken debauchery as much as the next person."

"I have about a million questions, to be honest."

At that, she smiled. "Yeah? Well, me too." Her hand traveled down his arm to clasp his hand and it felt…right. This was his _daughter. _He had kids, but he had a _daughter. _Suddenly, he felt simultaneously proud and nauseated at that fact. She was a daughter. With a boyfriend. At that realization, he wondered if she, like Ben, was like him or not.

Hope didn't seem to notice his mental anguish as she asked, "So, Deanmon, what's been up with you?"

"Deanmon?"

"Hey, I could call you demon!Dean, if you'd prefer."

"I don't prefer any kind of ludicrous nicknames."

"Come on. You of all people should know your happy ass is going to get stuck with a nickname. You're one of the world's worst for them. Mom is too."

"I am the king of Hell," he reminded her.

"And I don't give a shit," she shot back.

"Hope," Ryan warned softly.

Hope shrugged. "What? He thinks he's all powerful. I think he fails to realize…"

"Hope, he's your father. Respect."

Hope inclined her head toward her mother. "Sorry, Dad."

"She really is mine. Only one of _my _kids would mouth off to the king of Hell."

Ryan nodded. "Yup."

He glanced back at his daughter. "You know, I've got a hell of a lot of power at my disposal."

Her eyes flashed the angel blue for just a hint of a moment before she giggled. "And I've got a hell of a lot of angel juice running through my veins, Dad. If you think Cas is strong, you should see me fight."

"It's sexy as all hell," a young man said as he came up. "Sir," he inclined his head to Dean.

Dean looked the newcomer up and down. He had brown hair, longer, like Sam's, and piercing blue eyes. He had on a polo shirt that didn't hide the myriad of ink up and down his arms, and was wearing simple khaki pants like most of the others. He was an attractive enough kid, though it was obvious he was older than Hope. He wasn't certain why that suddenly bothered him. "Jesse?"

The boy nodded. "Yes, sir, it's me."

"You grew up."

The boy smiled. "I did at that, didn't I?"

"Jess, come on, dance with me!" Hope whined as she winked at Dean before she pulled the boy away.

Dean cleared his throat as he took another look at what she was wearing. She had on a purple dress almost as short as Ryan's skirt, but was wearing flats instead of heels. He caught a glimpse of some ink on her arm and he narrowed his eyes. "You let her get a tattoo?"

Ryan rolled her eyes as she chewed a piece of her steak. "Please. Like I _let _your daughter do anything."

His eyebrow popped up. "So…when she does something wrong, she's suddenly _my _daughter?"

Ryan smiled and nodded. "Exactly. But in this instance, yes, I let her get a tattoo. When you enter in as a hunter into the Men of Letters, you get an Aquarian Star. But don't worry, I was with her when she got hers. I got a new one at the same time."

"What is yours?"

Her smirk was evil. "If you be good, you just might find out."

He cleared his throat and glanced at Hope, who was slow dancing with Jesse. The boy didn't look too evil, and he had the feeling the kid was probably pretty decent if Ryan was letting him be a part of the family. "So she got the Aquarian Star?"

Ryan nodded. "It's become mandatory for all our hunters, if they're in our group, to get it. The humans also get the anti-possession sigil. That one became mandatory a short while back. But Hope took the initiative to have 'Alis volat propriis' added around hers with some wings like mine."

"Alis volat propriis…" Dean thought a moment and grinned as he remembered his Latin. "She flies with her own wings."

Ryan nodded. "It seemed appropriate."

"I always wondered why you got angel wings on yours," Dean stated as he sat next to her again. The waiter brought over a bottle of booze and Dean poured himself a glass.

He inclined the bottle to Ryan, who shook her head. "I'll stick with water for now. No need to get drunk off my ass just yet."

Dean chuckled at that.

"I didn't get the tattoo, Gabriel gave it to me."

"He did?"

She nodded. "That night, when I woke up for the last time, he marked me, so I'd know he was telling the truth."

"Wow. Okay."

She nodded. "I added the 'non timebo mala' later."

"And the marks under it?"

She blushed. "It spells out Gabriel's name in Hebrew. Apparently he felt the need to sign his work."

Dean laughed. "Sounds like him." He turned to Andrea. "So, Andy, I guess welcome to the family is an appropriate greeting?"

She chuckled. "I feel like I should be saying that to you, Dean."

"Are you…are you okay with this? I mean, I can leave…"

To his surprise, she put a hand on his arm. "Dean, your brother loves you so much. I hope you know that. I'm honored you're here."

"Well, you know, someone could have told me everything that was going on. I'm surprised Cas didn't spill some beans." He thought a moment. "Say, where _is _Cas?"

"He'll be around later," Andy answered his question. "When you showed up, he felt the need to tell the panel upstairs. He's a big-wig, you know."

"I'm aware. Still wish he would have told me about all of this so I could have at least been a little prepared."

Ryan swirled her water in its goblet. "Oh, don't worry, Cas was threatened within an inch of his immortal life. We had our reasons for keeping things quiet about a lot of the things I've told you tonight."

His eyebrow rose. "Such as?"

"We were making sure word didn't get back to anyone against you downstairs."

"Yeah, you should see what she did to Crowley," someone muttered as they approached.

Dean glanced at the woman and she smiled. "Tory Allard. You may not remember me. We met a million years ago…"

He stood and shook her hand. _So, this is the woman that stole Castiel's heart._ She was pretty. She was wearing a nice pair of pants and a shiny top. His eyes traveled to her face where a pair of fashionable black glasses sat perched on her nose. Her hazel eyes gazed at him with interest, nothing more, nothing less. He smiled and she returned it. "Finished sizing me up yet, Winchester?" she asked softly.

He blinked then his smile grew. She had moxie, this one. Of course, being one of Ryan's best friends, he wasn't surprised. "Yeah. I'm done."

"Good. I'm exhausted. Tell your angel friend I'm a human, okay? I can't handle his three A.M. booty calls."

At that, Ryan snorted. "Bullshit. You live in that house with me. Trust me. You get into it enough."

"Hey, at least it isn't Sam and Andy anymore. They could wake the dead."

"At least I'm letting Sam know how much I appreciate him," Andy shot back. "All we hear from you is, 'More, Cas, harder. Right there! No! To the left!"

Tory shrugged and took a sip of Dean's drink, to his surprise. "So? What difference does that make? The poor boy needed lessons in the art of sex. I'm schooling him."

"And the fact that you're a Domme has nothing to do with that?"

At that, Tory smirked. "Well, I always knew he had the sub mentality. I just had to tap into it."

Dean blinked and his eyes caught Ryan's. "I think you're making Dean uncomfortable," Ryan told Tory.

Tory shrugged as she handed the now empty glass back to Dean. "Sorry. No offense."

"None taken," _I don't think_. This was a new side of Cas and he hadn't even seen him yet. Six years. What all had happened in that time? How many things had changed? He focused on what they had been talking about before. "You mentioned Crowley, Tory?"

Tory nodded. "Yeah, Ryan put a whammy on him."

His eyebrow shot up as he looked at Ryan. "A whammy?"

"It's…complicated," Ryan told him warily, putting him on alert. "I found a Men of Letters spell. I'll tell you about it tomorrow."

"When was this?"

"Oh, it's been a while now. Don't worry about it. I painted his little red wagon. Meg's keeping an eye on him for me."

Meg. He still wasn't thrilled Meg knew this stuff and didn't tell him. He would be having words with his knight later.

"It's fine, Dean," Ryan reassured him. "But we knew all we needed was a fight. These kids need to be protected at all costs. It's worth more than our lives to keep them safe."

"And yet, you're letting them hunt?" he responded somewhat snidely.

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "I don't expect you to understand, Dean. The choices I've made were just that, _mine _to make. I've been doing the best I can."

"And they're _my _kids too, Ryan. Don't you think I have a say?"

"You weren't ever supposed to know about them, Dean."

"And if I hadn't shown up tonight, I'd still be in the dark about them!"

"I did the best I could with what I had to work with," she implored softly.

He held up both hands. "I don't wanna fight with you, Ryan. Damn. I forgot how…volatile we were when we were together. Shit."

She smirked. "Yeah, well, you bring out the asshole in me."

"It's a Winchester thing," Sam said as he came up carrying a small bundle. "Winchesters tend to piss her off. Isn't that right, Ryan?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed at Sam. "Yes, _Samantha_."

Dean grinned at the two of them. Their relationship was…interesting, to say the least. He was itching to learn more about them both and who they were now. Just then, the blanket Sam was holding made a squeaking noise and Dean's eyes zeroed in on it. "Whoa. Sammy…you got a kid."

Sam's face split into a huge grin. "I do. I've got a kid. And he's awesome, aren't you?" Sam cooed as he bounced the baby gently.

"You've come a long way with kids, Sammy. Now you know what to do with one."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, well, it's not like I was given a lot of choice."

"Hey, you were the one that said you could do it," Ryan commented as she brandished her fork at him.

Sam shot her the bitchface. "I didn't ask for that job. It was thrust upon me."

Ryan shook her head with a smirk. "You and Cas were the ones afraid for me to have Jon in a hospital."

"Yeah, well, I didn't think I would be the one delivering him!"

Dean blinked. "Whoa. Dude. You delivered Jon?"

Sam nodded. "In the bunker. In your bed."

"Man, in my bed?!"

Ryan giggled. "It's not like you're sleeping there anymore, Dean. Don't worry, we washed the sheets."

"Yeah, but…that's just nasty."

Ryan chortled. "It's good to see some things don't change."

He was prepared to ask exactly what she meant by that when he realized what Sam said. "Dude! You saw my woman naked?"

Ryan rolled her eyes for what must have been the millionth time and Sam's nose curled. "Trust me. I have no desire to witness that again. It was all I could do to be in there with Andy when Steven was born."

Andy chuckled. "Got that right. We've had more than one fight about whether he was going to be in the delivery room."

Just then, he heard a soft male voice say behind him, "Dean?"

Dean stood so quickly, his chair almost fell over. "Ben?"

Ben smiled and nodded. "Hey…"

"Uh…hey."

Ben looked around Dean at Ryan, who nodded. Ben blew out a breath. "So…Ryan told you everything, huh? All of it?"

Dean nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"And you still came? Wow. Wonders never cease. If that would have been me, I would have bailed."

Dean shook his head. "Nah. You were never a coward, Ben. Not like I was."

Ben glared at him critically for a moment. "You were a coward. You left us instead of fighting for us."

"I thought it was for the best."

"Well, fuck your best."

"Ben…" Ryan started, but Dean held up a hand.

"Kid's got a point. Let him say his peace."

Ben shook his head. "We didn't need you, Dean. We didn't need you in our lives, but that didn't mean we didn't want you. You've ran away from every family you've ever had except for Sam, and damn it if you didn't run away from him, too. I don't care that you're one of the most powerful evil sons of bitches on the planet at the moment, and I don't care about the fact that your blood runs through my veins. What I _do _care about are two little boys that think you're a hero, just like I did. They think you're the shit. Are you going to do to them what you did to me? To Hope? Are you gonna walk away like the chicken shit you are, or are you going to be a man about it this time and stick by your family?"

Dean swallowed hard and gave Ben a half smile. "You know, you've got a lot of nerve, Ben, talking to me that way."

Ben crossed his arms and glared at Dean.

Dean's smile grew into a self-depreciating one. "I know it's too little too late, but I'm proud of the man you've become. You're standing up for your family. You love those little boys and want to protect them from the King of Hell himself. And I don't doubt you'd probably fight me for them, too, wouldn't you?"

"In a minute," Ben ground out.

Dean nodded. "And that, I respect. I can't promise I will be here every second of every day. I _do _have a job, you know. But, I will be there for them. I'll…I'll make it up to them since I can't make it up to you." He held out a hand for Ben to shake.

Ben looked at Dean's offered hand for a moment before he crossed his arms and shook his head. "Nope, not gonna shake your hand, man."

Dean felt the disappointment like a blow. But then Ben smiled. "We're Winchesters. We hug that shit out," and he grabbed Dean in a manly hug.

Dean returned it with as much enthusiasm as he had Sam's, and also with a sense of disbelief. He would have never though he would be getting this kind of a chance with any of them.

Ben pulled away and chuckled. "Aw, hell, I made Mama Bear cry."

Dean looked over at Ryan, who was wiping tears from her eyes. Andy, as well as Tory, seemed to be moping up, too.

"I'm sorry, Mama Bear. Forgive me."

Ryan smiled and nodded at Ben. "Don't let it happen again, boy."

He snapped to and saluted her. "Yes ma'am. Now, I need to find some booze."

"I'll come with you," Dean said suddenly. The bar looked like the place to hang out. Dean turned to his brother. "Coming, Sammy?"

Sam looked from his brother to his fiancée, who smiled and held out her hands to take the baby. "I'm sure Steven needs nursing anyway."

Dean stopped and turned. "Well, in that case, I'll just sit back down here and…"

Ryan shot him a look and pointed toward the bar. "Go. You need see no more tits than mine tonight."

"Dude," Ben muttered. "You're like my mom, Ryan."

She shot him a look. "Then walk away, son, because I'm about to get vulgar."

Ben's eyes grew wide. "Save me, Sam," he muttered as he ducked behind the taller man.

Sam chuckled. "Come on, guys. Let's get our drink on."

"Not too drunk!" Andy shouted. "Tomorrow is our wedding day, Winchester!"

Sam turned and winked at her before he wrapped one arm around Dean's shoulders and the other around Ben's. "Let's go get some liquor, gentlemen."

Dean didn't know when he'd had as much fun as he had that night. Karaoke started up soon after that, and he enjoyed watching Kevin make a fool of himself singing "Achy Breaky Heart" and Garth's caterwauling "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" to his wife while their kids pretended to vomit. All the kids got up and sang that "Happy" song from a few years ago Dean had heard Meg singing at the top of her lungs while she was torturing demons, Ben sang one of his favorite AC/DC songs, and then Hope sang a song about a Dark Horse that Jesse sang with her and made Dean extremely uncomfortable. The girl was like him, that much was for sure. But she definitely had a lot of Ryan in her, too. She acted so human, but he knew, once she got all her juice back she was going to be one pissed-off angel to reckon with.

Finally, Hope dragged Ryan up on stage along with Ben, who Dean assumed would sing backup? He wasn't really sure what Ben was doing up there, but he was curious. He knew Ryan had a beautiful singing voice and he was interested to see what song Hope had picked out for her mother.

He heard Ryan growl, "I'm going to kill you," to their daughter, and Dean smirked. But the smirk fell off his face when he realized what she was singing…it was like a love letter to him in rock version, which, of course, he liked immensely.

Her voice started off soft, almost shy as she sang…

**My past has followed me and  
I just can't get away  
I'm not the same as I was  
Leaving my disarray**

Just then, Ben joined in and Dean realized why Ryan needed the backup…

**BEN: Take me just as I am  
RYAN: (I'm broken down)  
BEN: Pull me into your arms  
RYAN: I'm hanging onto every word**

Then Ryan gave a killer smile as she got into the zone as the music built and she looked right at him as she sang…

**Save me from losing myself  
I'm hanging on by a thread  
Can you see who I am  
Underneath my scars?  
I'm afraid to fall  
So I'm holding onto you  
No, I won't let go  
I'm hanging on by a thread**

She had opened her arms wide, showing off her scars and tattoos as she sang, but her eyes were still on him as she continued singing…

**I still can hardly believe  
The person I once was  
I'm trying so hard to change  
Help me work through my flaws**

Ben helped her again on this second bridge and Dean smiled at the two of them. Ben had a decent singing voice, unlike his old man.

**Take me just as I am  
(I'm calling out)  
Pull me into your arms  
I'm holding on to every breath**

Dean was amazed at the love coming from Ryan's voice. She was singing just to him and everyone else in the room seemed to fade away as she whispered,

**I'll never need  
I'll never want  
With you, with me  
I'm so complete  
I'll never run  
I'll never hide  
With you right here  
I'm safe inside**

He watched her sing the song until it was over and when she finished, he stood and walked to the stage. He reached up for her hand and helped her down the steps. He tugged on her hand and she fell into his arms. "I love you," he murmured into her ear.

She pulled away a moment to look at him wide eyed before she gave him a glassy eyed smile. "I love you, too," she whispered before his lips descended to hers.

The DJ announced that karaoke would be ending shortly and Dean found his arms empty as Tory and Andrea grabbed Ryan and dragged her back on stage. His brows quirked as he sat back down and glanced at the three women on stage. "What are they doing?" he asked Sam.

Sam smirked. "If they're doing what I think they're doing, Cas is going to be disappointed he missed this."

"Dude. Him and Tory? What the hell?"

Sam shrugged. "Stranger things, man, I've seen way stranger. They're good together. Tory's good for him. I didn't know her very well, I know you didn't either, so she was a surprise when she popped up at Ryan's insistence. She was our first official hunter since we started the Men of Letters back up again. She got her Aquarian star right after Ryan and I did, actually."

"Are they legit? I mean, an angel and a human…"

Sam looked at the three women talking on stage as the DJ looked up something. "Those three women? They're best friends. And they're great hunters. I trust them with my life, Dean. So, naturally, I'd trust them with Castiel's, and yours, too."

Dean smiled as Ryan winked at him and he returned the wink with a little eyebrow wiggle, causing her to grin. All three women then picked up a microphone as the music started and Andrea sang the first verse but it was clear she was singing the verse _about _Tory;

**Raven hair and ruby lips  
Sparks fly from her finger tips  
Echoed voices in the night  
She's a restless ****spirit**** on an endless flight  
**

Dean chuckled at the lyrics, but then the laughter died as the three women began dancing with each other, hands everywhere, whispers and whimpers as they sang the chorus and he tugged as his collar and he heard Sam clear his throat.

Next up was Ryan, this time, singing about Andy;

**She held me spellbound in the night  
Dancing shadows and firelight  
Crazy laughter in another room  
And she drove herself to madness with a ****silver**** spoon**

Dean was all smiles as he glanced at his brother, who looked a little hot under the collar. "That's your woman, bro."

Sam glanced over at him and grinned. "Damn straight."

Finally, the last verse of the song came around and Dean knew it had to be about Ryan She rolled her eyes, winked again and blew him a kiss and mouthed "I'm sorry" to him. His eyebrow rose in confusion, but only for a moment before Tory began singing;

**Well, I know you want to love her  
Let me tell you brother  
She's been sleeping  
In the devil's bed**

**And there's some rumors going 'round**  
**Someone's underground**  
**She can ****rock**** you in the nighttime  
'Til your ****skin**** turns red**

Dean stood and let out a wolf whistle at the women as they finished the chorus and stepped off stage.

"I am so sorry," Ryan muttered. "It's been like an inside joke between us for a while now and, well, what can I say?"

Dean grinned down at her. "I think we need to go find that fucking coat closet," he told her as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her for all he was worth.

After the girls' performance, the DJ put music on and announced the dance floor was open and Dean enjoyed watching everyone dance. Ryan sat with him for a time until Andy came over stating she needed to feed the baby and Sam pulled Ryan up and into his arms. "You don't mind, do you, Dean?" he asked.

Dean was fighting off roaring jealousy at the mere idea of Sam and Ryan dancing, but he couldn't miss the light in Ryan's eyes so, he buried the feeling and smiled. "Nah. Go ahead. I'll just sit here with my buddy Jack," he stated as he picked up his glass.

Ryan blew him a kiss as Sam tugged her out onto the dance floor. Dean sighed as he watched them.

"That's their song," Jesse stated softly as he sat.

Dean glanced over at the young man. "Come again?"

"Their song. It's Ryan's ringtone for Sam. But 'How To Save A Life' is her song for him. His song for her is 'Hold Your Hand' by Hootie and the Blowfish."

Dean sucked in a breath. Two love songs. It shouldn't have hurt him as much as it did.

"It's not fair, you know? I mean, that should be you and her," At Dean's incredulous look, Jesse continued; "You and Ryan. It should be the two of you. All of this; the wedding, all of it, it should be yours."

Dean shrugged. "Demons don't get happy endings, kid."

Jesse glanced over at Hope and sighed. "I know. But, as Ryan says, 'Happy endings aren't real. If you get a happy right now, you grab it by the balls and hold onto it'."

Dean smiled despite himself. He knew happiness had always been thin across the wire for Ryan ever since he'd pulled that demon out of her as a kid. But, too, he knew she valued those stolen moments, those precious moments of bliss. "Yeah, that kinda sounds like her."

Both men were quiet a moment before, "So, when Hope goes up north, I'm joining you, if you'll have me."

Dean's eyebrow popped up. "Is that so? And who says I'll have you?"

"I'm not a full demon, Dean, but I'm a pretty damn powerful half-breed. I can be of use to you, and if you knight me, then I'll be a full demon. That can only be beneficial to you."

Dean thought a moment. "Does she know?"

"Ryan?"

"Hope." The boy just looked at him and Dean sighed. "Look, kid, I don't know Hope very well, granted, but I do know me, and I do know her mother, and if she's anything like me or Ryan? She'll want to know this shit before you go making any deals."

"It's not a deal," the boy stated adamantly. "I just…I can't live in a world without her in it. If she goes up north…I just can't, man."

Dean regarded the younger man. "You really do love her, don't you?"

Jesse nodded. "With everything I am. I shouldn't, I mean, why would something evil love something so pure? But I can't help it."

Dean smiled. "I respect that. And I get it. Like I said, I don't know her, but I know her mother."

Jesse smiled. "She's the only mom I've known since I was a kid. It's a humbling experience to realize. She's an awesome person, Dean."

"I know."

"So…I feel like I should warn you…"

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Are you giving me the 'you hurt her I kill you' speech?"

Jesse shrugged. "If the shoe fits…"

Dean chuckled. "Don't worry. I won't hurt her."

"You'd better not. A lot of people love her, Dean. And they'll do whatever it takes to protect her."

He saw Ryan throw her head back and laugh at something Sam said as he clasped her hand and led her off the dance floor. "That's something I can agree with and respect one hundred percent, Jess."

"I put in a request," Hope stated as she flitted by, stopping to talk to Ryan, about thirty minutes later. Dean had been watching her and Jesse as well as Krissy and Ben. It was an amazing thing to watch, how they all talked but then went off as couples, to the girls going to the bathroom together while the guys went and got drinks. It was what Dean would have loved to have with Sam and their girls. If only their lives hadn't been so screwed up…

"Oh? Do tell?" Ryan asked from where she was rocking Steven to sleep. It didn't take much. He had slept most of the night except for bouts of wakefulness to eat and look around with big, dark eyes. Dean hated to admit how damn jealous he was of Sam in this moment. Sure, he had Ryan, he was almost certain, but so much of their lives were over now. It was humbling and irritating to realize.

"Let's just say I figured you might be feeling nostalgic. Now, give me my cousin."

"Why?"

Hope smiled as she took the baby from Ryan. "Because. I want you and Dad to dance."

"Dean doesn't…do you know how to dance?" Ryan asked while she simultaneously eyed him and handed the baby to their daughter.

"A little," he admitted almost shyly.

Just then "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life" came on and Ryan smiled. "If you can Dirty Dance I will have Cas put my uterus back in because I'd have another kid for you."

Dean felt himself almost blush as he shrugged. "Swayze always gets a pass," he replied as he stood and held out a hand for her. He could admit to himself he liked the movie. It had happened by accident. It had come out when he was eight years old and made it to cable TV by the time he was nine. Sam had been five and up sick with the flu while their dad had been gone on a hunt and Dean had flipped the TV on in the middle of the night. It was just starting and he'd heard "Big Girls Don't Cry" which had been one of his mom's favorite songs to dance around in the kitchen to while she made breakfast in the morning. He remembered her giggling and dancing with him while Sam had been asleep in his little swing thingie. He watched the movie and it made him realize you didn't have be just big and tough, you could dance, too. It had come on a lot that year and Dean had watched it almost every time it came on. Now, over thirty years later, he could admit to himself how much he liked it. Screw it.

"I couldn't agree more," Ryan replied as she accepted his hand and let him lead her out on the dance floor.

The rest of the night passed in a blur, and before he knew it, he had Jon asleep on his shoulder, carrying him out to Ryan's car and Bobby was holding Ryan's hand as they crossed the parking lot.

Suddenly, he felt Hell calling him and he sighed as Meg popped up. "Sorry to bother you, boss…hey, Ryan."

Ryan smiled at the demon. "Hey, Meg. How's tricks?"

"Oh, you know, the usual…"

Dean sat Jon in the backseat of Demon, buckled him in, and turned to his knight. "What's up?"

She eyed Ryan suspiciously as she walked around the car toward them and Dean's eyebrow shot up. "You can talk…business in front of Ryan, Nutmeg. I heard through the grapevine you two were friends."

Meg's lips pursed, but she shrugged. "Things are stirring downstairs. The angels are lamenting."

Dean's brows knit. "What do you mean, 'lamenting'?"

"Meaning, they're whaling, gnashing their teeth, disrupting the vibe, you feel me? The cage is rattling."

"But they can't open it," Dean began uncertainly.

Meg sighed. "No, but they're calling for you."

"Calling for me?" He glanced at Ryan, who shrugged.

"The, uh, well, I guess word travels fast. I'd prefer we talk before you go down there, Dean. I'm afraid you'll hear things you don't want to know, or think I held from you."

"Do I want to know?"

Ryan glanced at Meg and he didn't miss the look between the two. "What?"

Meg opened her mouth and her words came spilling out; "I told Cas about the Hell prophecy about Ryan. He told her and Sam. She came to me. I took her down to talk to Lucifer."

"You…" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You WHAT?!"

Meg cringed and backed away slowly. "Dean…I just…I'm looking out for your kid…I had to make sure, before I told you anything…"

"Yeah, and why is it you didn't tell me, Meg? I thought I could trust you…"

"Dean," Ryan stated as she put a hand on his arm. "Meg was looking out for all of us. She knows how I feel about you."

"I know how you feel about her, too, boss. Have for a long time."

"Did everyone see the writing on the wall besides us?" Dean wanted to know.

Ryan smiled. "Yeah. They did."

"So, what else don't I know?"

Ryan's smile slipped off her face. "It'll be fine. Just…don't believe anything Lucifer says. I know Gabriel is supposed to be silver-tongued, but his brother's pretty damn smooth."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I know. I've had a few chats with the winged asshat."

Ryan chuckled. "And on that note, I'm taking the boys home," she told him. "Just go, deal with Hell stuff. You know where to find me."

He put his hand on the small of Ryan's back and guided her in front of the car back to the driver's seat. He waved in at Bobby, who waved back before resuming the game he was playing on the tablet Ryan had given him from her huge handbag that reminded Dean of Mary Poppins' bag. She had shit in that thing for everyone from toys to game things to a deck of cards, to breath mints and chewing gum, to…girlie stuff Krissy needed which Dean did _not _want to know about. Apparently, Ryan was Mama Bear to the whole group. Dean had noticed it through the night. If Sam was the go-to for information, Ryan was the go-to for getting shit done. It was interesting, to say the least.

Dean grabbed Ryan around the waist and pulled her close. "I'm not done with you."

She smirked. "Promises, promises, Winchester."

"I'll be back. How late will you be up?"

She blew out a breath. "Late. I'm baking the wedding cupcakes."

"Cupcakes?"

She shot him a look. "Yeah, you know, like cake, but in smaller form? Usually served in a little paper cup with a design done in icing on top?"

He smacked her on the butt. "Smart ass. Always the fucking smart ass."

She pecked him on the cheek. "You know it."

"Give me those lips, woman," he demanded as his mouth descended to hers.

She hummed in appreciation as her tongue traced his lips. "You taste like sin," she murmured when he pulled away.

He chuckled. "I could say the same about you."

"Could you two _not _make out in the parking lot?!" Hope groused as she sidled over to her car.

"I don't complain about your sex life, Hope Deanna! Extend me the same courtesy!" Ryan shouted back at her.

Dean winced. "I don't need to know that about my daughter."

Ryan laughed throatily. "She's yours, Dean. Just be thankful she's an angel instead of a human girl."

"Good point," he countered. He opened the door for her and she slid behind the wheel.

"I'll be awake," she purred. "Come find me. If this…business takes too long, well, I'm sure you could always sneak into my window."

He smirked as she cranked the car and drove off.

"Wow. You got it bad, Dean," Meg muttered.

Dean blew out a breath. "Come on. Let's see what those two douchebags are complaining about now."

The two demons popped back to hell and Dean made his way down to the cage by himself. Meg was still terrified of the two angels and refused to go down with him.

"What's up, dickwads?" Dean bellowed with a smirk as he approached.

"It's happening…" Lucifer hissed.

"What?" Dean asked as he looked inside. Michael seemed to be rubbing his temples as Lucifer all but bounced around the cage.

"The prophecy is coming true!"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it is. I just found out about it myself. I don't know why you're so happy about it. It won't make a fucking difference to you."

"Oh, but it will! Don't you get it?! Don't you understand? Isn't it plain as the nose on your ugly face?!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "You know, the riddles are getting old, chuckles. Spit it out already."

Lucifer cackled. "I didn't tell you the second part of the prophecy!"

Dean glared at him. "Look, it's my kid. I get it. Ryan and I discussed it. Jon will come down here and rule hell, take over from me. It fits the prophecy in Heaven, too."

Lucifer's laughter only grew. "Oh, you poor dumb soul. You have no fucking clue what you've done!"

Dean ignored him and looked at the other angel. "Do you know what he's talking about?"

Michael stood and walked to the cage door. "Unfortunately, no. However, he's been mad with glee for a while now."

Dean eyed the crazed being dancing around the small space. "What's he been saying?"

"Something about a deal coming due and him getting out of here."

Dean snorted. "Well, when pigs fly will that happen. No one's made any deals. Trust me, Crowley's keeping me well informed about deals that are made. He's just batshit crazy."

Michael winced as Lucifer began singing a Taylor Swift song. "I'm inclined to agree, but he certainly seems quite gleeful about something."

Dean shrugged. "Well, if anything becomes clear, I guess…raise an alarm or something. But if all he's doing is acting like an asshole, I really don't have time for this." Dean turned and began walking back down the corridor.

"By, Dean-o!" Lucifer shouted. "I'll be seeing you in about ten years!"

Dean stopped short at the thought and winced, but then continued walking. No one had made any deals, nothing was happening, was it? He decided to check in with Crowley, just in case.

He didn't knock, as was his usual M.O. "Crowley, you made any deals lately?"

"Hello to you, too, Dean. No, I've been in my office all evening being…entertained."

Dean's eyebrow shot up as a black haired demon appeared from underneath the desk. _Ugh, _Dean thought. _Yet another person's sex life I don't need information on._

"Boss," she purred.

Dean rolled his eyes and ignored her. He'd had a piece of that particular Devil's Food Cake and she tasted as plain and recycled as the rest of them, kind of like a Twinkie compared to fresh apple pie. No comparison. And now he had Ryan, who was like a warm apple pie ala mode. He didn't need demon skanks anymore. "Have any of your red eyed bitches made any deals recently I need to know about?"

Crowley shrugged. "Nothing out of the ordinary, Dean. You know how short a leash you keep us on."

Dean nodded. "Okay. Thanks." He wanted to know more about what Crowley knew about Ryan, but now wasn't the time. He had other business to attend. He turned and strode back out of the office then went in search of his two knights.

"Well?" Bela asked as he approached.

Dean shrugged. "False alarm, I guess. Crowley hasn't made any deals, and nothing has changed besides the fact you guys will be getting a new boss in a few years."

"What?"

Dean quickly relayed some of the events of the night and Bela smirked. "Your kid? Figures."

Dean glanced at Meg, who shook her head. So she _had _been keeping this to herself. He had wondered. He chuckled. "I know, right? Go figure. Anyway, I'm going to be splitting my time up there and down here I guess…"

"This is good for you," Bela stated softly. "I am…happy for you, Dean."

Dean smiled. "Thanks, Bells."

"Yeah, good for you," Meg chimed in. "So, you gonna go upstairs and claim your booty?"

Dean laughed at that. "Yeah, in a minute. She's busy. I'll go back up there when I won't be a distraction for her."

Meg snorted. "You're always going to be a distraction now, Dean-o."

His smile wouldn't leave his face. "I hope so."

He did some paperwork, did a few other things, then decided to go back to see Ryan. He popped back up to find the house quiet and he wondered if he'd missed her and she was asleep. He zeroed in on the sounds of sleeping people, but then he heard her voice. She was on the phone. He smiled as he figured out which room she was in…she was in her bedroom. He popped up to the eve of the house and glanced in her window. She was gesturing wildly with her hands and he couldn't help listening in to what she was saying as she fiddled with her hair, throwing it up into a messy ponytail…

"…I mean, what the fuck do I do, Sam? Seriously? He doesn't even know me. What if he doesn't like me?"

She must have had the phone on speakerphone, because Dean heard Sam's soothing, reassuring voice. "Of course he likes you, Ryan," Sam was obviously attempting to calm her, but it didn't seem to be working.

"But…damn it, Sam, I'm not this person. I'm rude, I'm crude, I burp and make fart jokes and my middle name should be 'innuendo' and…"

"And that basically describes Dean, Ryan. He's just like that."

"Yeah, but I'm not the pretty, dainty girl, Sam! I never have been. I don't wear dresses and high heels! I wear jeans and layers to protect myself. Tonight is the exception, not the rule. I'm a hunter, a fighter."

"And that's who he loves, Ryan. He always has. I saw it and I only saw you two together twice as adults before tonight. He could deny it as long as he wanted, but I could see it."

Ryan sighed and sank onto the bed. "I'm sorry to call and bug you on your wedding eve, Sammy."

"You're my sister, Ryan. Even if he's my brother, you've been here for me the past six years. I would be hurt if you didn't call me to bitch about him."

She giggled. "You're right. Sorry. Go finish your night."

"Hard to do that when I've been kicked out of my own bed."

Ryan chortled. "Oh, boohoo, poor baby Sammy. Andy wanted you to get the full experience of a wedding, you know that."

"She didn't have to kick me out of my bed. I know she planned it so we could…you know…consummate our marriage when she was recovered from the baby, but, hell, I won't sleep a wink without her in bed with me."

"Awww, you two are so sweet you're giving me cavities."

"Bite me, Barbie."

"You know, that nickname bugs the hell out of me, Sam. Barbie is blonde."

He chuckled. "Why do you think I do it, Ryan?"

"Bitch."

"Jerk," he shot back. "Love ya."

"Yeah, yeah, love you, too, Sam. 'Night."

Dean watched Ryan flop back onto the bed with a sigh and he smiled. He was feeling a little girlie admitting the fact he liked she was worrying about impressing him, even if there was no need. Hell, she could probably weigh five hundred pounds and bench press doughnuts and he wouldn't give a shit. He loved _her _no matter what she claimed were her faults.

He knocked on the window and she shot up, aiming a gun he hadn't seen at the window. Her eyes widened as she slid from the bed and to the window. "You know," she said as she eased it open, "When I said you could sneak into my window, I didn't mean it literally, Dean."

He smirked. Now that he wasn't listening in on her conversation, he noticed she had washed her face clean of any makeup. Her hair was in that loose ponytail down her back and she had changed into a tank top along with some tiny sleep shorts. His mouth watered just looking at her.

She grinned. "You look like you want to eat me, Dean. Are you the big, bad wolf?"

He grabbed her and pulled her close to him. "I'm the biggest bad you're gonna find, Ryan. Damn straight I want to eat you. And you're little red riding shorts, too."

She laughed out loud and slapped his chest. "You're incorrigible."

"I know. It's part of my charm."

Her eyebrow popped up. "Do you know what incorrigible means?"

"Ha fucking ha. Yes I do, actually."

Her smile grew as her eyes softened. "Everything okay downstairs?"

"Politics."

She shot him a look. "Those two demons looked scared, Dean."

He chuckled. "Noticed that, did you? Eh, well, anytime the double-mint twins downstairs start trouble, it's always nerve wracking."

She pulled away from him and moved to sit on the bed. "And what happened?"

Dean shrugged as he, too, sat. "Nothing. Luci's excited about Jon I suppose. You know I'll do everything in my power to make him a good man, make sure he knows why he's gotta do what he's gotta do…"

She laid a hand on his arm and brushed where The Mark was. "I know, Dean. I wouldn't have told you about him if I didn't think you would be helpful."

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. She was right. She would have taken the kids' secrets to her grave before she admitted anything about them. The fact that she would keep their kids safe, even from him, was as humbling as it was awesome.

She blinked. "What?"

He just shook his head and tackled her back to the bed. She let out a little 'omph' of surprise, but was all smiles as he hovered over her. "Are you going to tease me all night, or are you going to seal the deal, honey?"

His eyes widened in shock. "What?"

She giggled. "It's an expression, sweetheart. You know I'm a sure thing. Are you? Or are you a little tease?"

He sat up and smirked. "Peaches, _nothing _about me is little."

"I remember," she breathed. "Now, show me that beautiful cock."

His mouth fell open before he smiled again. "Dirty talk? I didn't think good little girls talked like that."

She flipped them so he was under her and she smirked as she pulled her tank top off, revealing her naked chest, and a new tattoo to him. "Didn't you get the memo, Dean? I'm not a good girl."

His hands moved up her sides to finger the tattoo on her ribcage. There, in proud display, was his name inside the infinity symbol. "Ryan…"

She smiled softly down at him. "It was you, Dean. It's always been you. It will always be you."

He flipped them again and his hands palmed her breasts. "You're the most beautiful, the most dangerous creature I think I've ever met."

Her blush traveled from her cheeks, down to her chest as he watched desire bloom in her. "I don't know about all that…" she began bashfully.

"I do," he breathed as his lips descended to her nipple.

She moaned and grasped his hair in both her hands, tugging slightly. "I like the new hair, Dean, I forgot to mention earlier."

He pulled away and his fingers found one of her errant curls splayed out behind her on the bed. "And I like the fact you haven't changed yours."

"I cut it, a few years ago, found I hated it, grew it back out again," she admitted.

"Good. Don't cut it again."

Her eyebrow popped up. "That sounds like a demand, Dean. Now, I know you're used to telling people what to do, and downstairs, they listen to you. But I won't. And if I get a wild hair up my ass and want to change my hair, I damn well am gonna do it."

He looked at her with a sour expression. "Are you done yet?"

She sighed and shoved him away. He sat back and let her sit up. She crossed her arms over her breasts, covering them, as she propped up against the headboard. "Dean…we're going to have to figure some shit out. We can't just think sex will make everything better."

"It's a start," he countered.

She grinned. "Yeah, I guess so. But, seriously, you're popping in here, now, when I have my life all organized. These kids have a routine. It can be disrupted for a few days, sure, but then you're going to have to work with me, work with _us _in this, okay?"

He held up both hands. "I get it, Ryan. I do. Sure. I'll do…whatever I need to."

She eyed him. "Really?" her tone didn't sound convinced.

He blew out a breath. "Look, this is…hell, this is uncharted territory for me, Ryan. Yes. I'll do whatever you tell me. I rule Hell, not your and the kids lives. You do that. So, I'll…I'll run stuff by you before I do it. I'll take my cues from you."

"You don't usually. You never have listened to anyone besides your daddy."

"I will. I might be the King of Hell, Ryan, but I know if you think I'm not good for these kids, you'll fight me personally to protect them."

She nodded. "I will. Though, what can kill you, Dean? I mean, seriously. There has to be something."

He shook his head. "Not with this mark, there isn't. Don't think I didn't try…"

She gasped and he nodded. It was a dark few days after he tried to kill Cas, and without The First Blade, he couldn't off himself. He got an angel blade and tried it, once, before he realized The First Blade was the only thing that would kill him, and even then, he wasn't certain it would work. It hadn't for Cain. He rubbed his hand over the mark. "This…it's pure evil, Ryan, handed over by the king of evil himself. So…no, I can't die. Not until the mark is removed. Then I'm just your basic demon, well, I'm a knight, technically, so I'm still stronger than the average bear…"

She smiled sadly and crawled across the bed to climb into his lap. "I'm sorry you got that low. I know what its like."

He nodded. "I know you do. But then Cas came to me and, well, I decided to suck it up, deal with it." His fingers brushed the scars and tattoos up and down her inner arm. His gaze lit to hers. "And you know a thing or two about that."

She nodded. "It's been a long time since I was ever that low."

"Not everyone gets past it, Ryan. How did you? I always wondered."

She shrugged. "I thought about it again, once more, before college."

This was a surprise to him. "What stopped you?"

She smiled all of a sudden. "Someone found me."

At his quizzical look, she continued; "I had gone for a run and stopped at the park. It overlooked a stream and hillock near where we lived. I had run out of my medicine. Stupid, I know, but I'd had a lot going on in my life at the time and I just…didn't get the prescriptions filled. I didn't have any reason to live, nothing to live _for_." She paused. "He was by himself. I should have been terrified, most men scared the shit out of me at that time, but there was something about him…" She paused and he could almost see the wheels turning in her head. "There was something about him," she repeated. "At the time, I didn't know what it was, but I was comforted. He had been jogging, too, I guess. He stopped and just said, 'Wow,' as he looked out over the view. It was a clear day, absolutely gorgeous, and he turned to look at me. I went and sat on this big rock that's there and there was something about his smile, you know? I grinned and started talking to him. He was nice. He said he thought about ending it, once, but he didn't. How he was the black sheep of his family…" She shook her head. "It took me about ten years later to remember him, and when I did, I had to laugh."

"Why?"

"It was Gabriel. I knew I'd seen him before, when he came to me, the night Hope was conceived, but I couldn't remember where. It was after her birth, I remembered where I'd seen him before. He saved my life, then you saved it once more."

"He's been looking after you a long time," Dean mused.

"I always wondered why."

"Why what?"

She shrugged. "Why he picked me."

Dean pondered that a moment. "I think it's just because you're you, Ryan. You're this…gravitational force. Everyone's worlds seem to revolve around you. Sam and I would never have networked the hunters like you have, we wouldn't have been able to look after Krissy or Ben or Jesse…none of it. _You _did all that, Ryan. You're awesome."

She blushed anew and he smiled. "It's true. Now," he said as he gripped her and stood, picking her up. He laid her down on the bed and climbed on to hover over her. "It's time for me to make love to you, woman."

"Please," she whispered as her hands traveled to play with the hair on the nape of his neck.

"I love it when you play with my hair," he admitted before he sat up and began unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt.

"I love it when you're right here," she said as her hands moved to his pants. She gripped him and his eyes rolled back in his head as she began to stroke. "But I like you inside me even better."

His eyes opened and he smiled. "That, I can handle." He stood and stripped down quickly before coming back to the bed. "Now, I think you've got more ink hiding under those impossibly short shorts."

She smirked as she lifted her hips for him to pull her shorts down and off. He gasped and blinked at the roses that covered her lower stomach and hip down to the gun…it was an exact replica of what used to be his favorite gun, in a tattooed on garter. He'd recognize the image anywhere, the design in the chrome, the pearl handle…every bit of it. "Ryan…"

"It's mine now. It was in the Impala. Sam said I could have it, so it's in a safe place. But the tattoo, well, I had to have it."

His eyes roamed up her body to her face. "You're awesome," he repeated.

She giggled as he attacked her with kisses. "Aren't you supposed to be king of rotten, Dean? Hard, just fucking? What's all this love crap?"

He pulled away and glared at her. "Hey, I can't help how I feel, Ry. You got a problem with it, I can leave…"

She grabbed him and pulled him to her for a searing kiss. "No," she managed when he moved to attack her neck with little nips. "That wasn't my point. I'm just…I don't want to be bad for you, Dean."

His eyes moved to hers. "How can you be bad for me?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I just don't want to be."

"Well, I'm the one that decides that. And you aren't."

The side of her mouth lifted. "Good."

"Now," he murmured as he wrapped her legs around his waist, "Are you ready for this, or do you want to jaw a little bit more?"

She shot him a glare, but thrust her hips, enticing him, begging him entrance. "Take me," she commanded softly.

He looked over at her sleeping form and smiled. She was gorgeous, she really was. It had been six years since he'd seen her, but she hadn't changed a bit. Well, he supposed she had changed, some, and he had the feeling Sam had a big part of that, which bothered him, but there was nothing he could do about it.

His eyes narrowed as his mind wandered to how he had been lied to for the past six years and it irritated him. He was angry. At her. At Sam. At Cas…his anger was bubbling to the surface and he didn't know how to let it go. He wanted to punch something. He hadn't out and out just beat the shit out of anything in forever it seemed. Suddenly, along with these human emotions, he felt the human desire to beat something to a bloody pulp.

It was odd, though, he didn't want to hurt Ryan, or Sam, for that matter. Well, Sam, he always kind of wanted to hit. They were always each other's favorite punching bag, but, no, not with this juice running through him. He might hurt someone seriously. And with the anger from not only him, but the Mark spurring him on, he knew he had to get this out of his system. Fast. He stood and dressed as quickly as he could before he walked out the bedroom door and into the hallway. Once there, he heard the gentle thrumming of two little heartbeats and he gasped as a new sensation washed over him, ridding him of the anger.

He opened the door and saw his two boys, sound asleep. Bobby's bed was closest to the door. He glanced at his son, half uncovered, sprawled out on his back, mouth hanging open. It was hard to believe the kid was Gabriel, but he believed Ryan. Why would she lie? That thought irritated him anew, so, he buried it for the moment and focused on the little boy. His hair was a dark, sandy color, like the sand closest to the beach, and he knew the kid had brown eyes, but they weren't quite the same brown as Ryan and Hope's. They were like the color of light shining through a whiskey bottle. Bobby had a quick wit, was incredibly smart and sarcastic, and just in general, pretty damn cool. Ryan said he already had some of Gabriel's powers. He couldn't wait for the kid to show them off to him.

He reached out a hand toward the boy and froze. He didn't want to scare him, and father or no, he was still a demon and his son was an angel. No, he couldn't touch him, but he could cover him back up, right? He tugged the covers gently and tucked them around the little boy, who whimpered and shifted before turning onto his stomach, grabbing a ragamuffin blue sock monkey, causing Dean to smile. He swallowed hard and resisted the urge to hug the little guy.

A snore from across the room drew him over to Jon. As he gazed down at the kid, he noticed Jon, too, had a sock monkey, a brown one, and he wondered about their stories. They were obviously treasured toys, but what else? Did they go everywhere with them, like Mr. Floppy did with Sam when he was that age?

Dean remembered the crappy rabbit Sam had drug across twenty states and countless hotel rooms until they had accidentally left him in some dump off I-95 in Virginia. Sam had cried for three days straight and their father had refused to go back for it, even when they noticed it was missing only twenty minutes into the trip. Dean had done everything he could to comfort his brother and that one act of poor parenting had sewn a seed of hatred for his father within Dean. Of course, John screaming at them to stop whining about a stupid stuffed animal and how men didn't need comfort from anything other than a bottle or a woman hadn't helped matters. Dean had finally, three states over, once John had passed out from the booze, and Sammy had cried himself to sleep, snuck out to the nearest convenience store and with the meager money he'd managed to steal from John's wallet, had bought Sam a new stuffed animal. Of course, it wasn't Mr. Floppy, but it worked well enough. That had begun a new bond for the brothers. He had woken Sam and told him about the stuffed animal, but had told him to keep it hidden from their dad. He hadn't wanted John to know he'd stolen some of their precious food money for Sam's stuffy.

_I'll do better than him. I swear it on whatever deity will listen. _He glanced down at Jon and smiled as the little boy's thumb snuck into his mouth as he turned over. _I'll do better by you and Bobby, if you'll let me. _He knelt by Jon's bed and looked at the boy. He was identical to Dean's pictures at that age, right down to the curl that dangled over his forehead. His eyes were the same green, he had the same mouth, (all the kids did) and he had the demon thing, too.

Dean sighed. He could feel the demon within the boy. He wasn't sure what he thought of that, yet, but it was evident the boy was good. He was sweet, very sweet, and loveable. He noticed Bobby had been just a bit standoffish the night before, but Jon had hung onto Dean, had clung to him once he started getting sleepy, and had finally fallen asleep on Dean as the party wound down. It had been a humbling experience, one Dean couldn't wait to repeat again and again. In this moment, reflecting on the night, on his kids, he didn't feel like a demon at all. He felt human. And wasn't that just a kick in the pants.

He felt something skirt up his spine and his back stiffened as he turned to the door. His eyes narrowed as he met the blue gaze of his friend. "Cas," he stated stiffly.

Cas smiled. "I just got back."

Dean stood swiftly and pointed. "You. Me. Outside. Now."

Castiel's eyes widened, but he nodded. The two men marched downstairs but were stopped by a growl. "The fuck?" Dean muttered.

"Rocky. Bullwinkle. It's okay," Castiel told the two dogs softly. Dean hadn't noticed dogs before. Had they always been there? One was definitely a German Shepherd, the other was some big hairy number. Both dogs sat and thumped their tails as Cas offered them both a pat on the head. "He's friendly," Cas told them as he glanced at Dean. He frowned. "Well, most of the time."

Dean's eyebrow shot up as he motioned for the door. Cas sighed and followed Dean out the front door and down onto the lawn. "Dean…" that was all he got out before Dean's fist connected with his jaw.

The blow caught the angel by surprise, but only for a moment before he began blocking as Dean started wailing on him. "How could you?!" Dean seethed. "Six. Fucking. Years you've lied to me! Did you know? Did you and Gabriel cook this up?! What the hell, Cas?"

Cas managed to get away from the onslaught of flying fists and backed away. "Dean…you have to understand…"

"Did you know?" Dean repeated.

"Not until Hope called for me, after."

"You swear it, angel? You didn't know until I turned into a black eyed freak!?"

"I swear it, Dean. I didn't know."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "You knew, when you came to me, in Hell, that first time, didn't you?"

Cas bowed his head. "Yes," he answered softly. "I knew then."

"Why didn't you…"

Castiel's clear blue eyes looked up and pierced his. "How could I? You were as low as you could get, Dean! I couldn't destroy you further by telling you the thing you wanted most in the world was just out of your reach! How could I come to you and tell you of the ready made family I was sending your brother to live with in your stead?! How could I tell you that? How could I tear you apart by telling you how much like you your daughter is? How could I break you any farther than telling you how similar you and Gabriel really are? How could I ruin you further by admitting Jonathan is the perfect boy king to rule Hell and my brothers were wrong the whole time? I couldn't, Dean. You were already destroyed and you have been, for six years. You took that mark and doomed yourself. You can be angry all you like, but it is you who ruined yourself and you can beat on me as much as you wish. I will, after all, heal, but you can only be so angry at her, at Sam, at me, for so long before you realize your actions were what led to this. The wheels were set in motion by Gabriel, yes, but it is your doing that has kept you from your family."

Dean gasped out a breath as he sank to his knees. "I know," he whispered softly as tears began to pour down his face. Six years. It had been six years since he'd cried. He had often wondered if he could even form tears anymore, but there he was, crying his eyes out like a little baby. "It's not fair," he whispered like a child.

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and looked up into the face of his best friend. "It's not fair, Cas."

Castiel's voice was soft as he said, "I know. And I hated it with every fiber of my being, Dean, that I was unable to share this with you. But I can help."

"How?"

"I was there for a few of the milestones in the children's lives. I could give you those memories."

"They aren't mine, though."

"No, they're not, but at least you will have them. You will know. You will get to see them grow up."

Dean sucked in a breath. It wasn't stealing memories if Cas just gave them away, was it? And Cas would still have them, he was just letting Dean borrow the carbon copies. Right? Dean nodded. "Yeah. It's better than nothing, right?"

Castiel smiled and touched his fingertips to Dean's forehead and a battery of images came to him; birthdays, hunts, arguments, seeing the boys powers developing, seeing them grow, Ben arriving in the family, Jesse, Krissy, Hope growing, receiving her powers, all of it, every moment Cas had been with the children, even when he'd marked Hope with the power diminishing sigil, which he felt he needed to talk about in more detail at a further date. And in those memories, there was one thing that stuck out.

Dean blinked and his brows furrowed. "Has she been that unhappy?" he asked softly as image after image of Ryan danced in his mind's eye. Oh, he could see how she tried, how she appeared to be happy in any given situation, but he could read it in her eyes, the sadness, the sorrow...

Cas nodded. "She has bouts of happiness, but only you make her happy, Dean." Cas paused. "She has some other things she will want to talk with you about, things you need to know, about her. Were it not for that, I would share with you certain memories I have of her, but I believe that may be a bit private. If, after the two of you talk, and she agrees, I will share some other things with you." He held out a hand and Dean took it as his friend helped him stand.

"Cas, man, thanks. Sorry."

Castiel shrugged. "This is far from the first time I have been a Winchester's punching bag, Dean. I feel certain it will not be the last."

Dean smiled at that. "Yeah, well, it still sucks."

"A lot of this sucks, Dean. It seems as though there should have been another way. But, this is the path. Now, we must walk down it."

"Together," Dean told him. "We're all in this together."

Cas nodded. "Indeed." He sighed as he glanced at the house. "I missed the rehearsal because I had matters to attend in Heaven. Then, when I arrived at the party to find you and Ryan were gone somewhere talking, I had to travel there once more to report that you were now made aware of the prophecy, thus ensuring I missed the rest of the party. Now I feel certain I have a very unhappy human waiting for me."

Dean grinned. "You know, I could say something about you being hitched, Cas, and to a human, no less. But I won't. Not right now."

Castiel smiled. "Thank you for that. Not to worry, Ryan has teased me more than enough to make up for your lack of knowledge on the subject. I tend to be the butt of her jokes more often than not when I am with her."

Dean's grin grew. "That's my girl."

Cas chuckled. "Are we done now?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah. We're good. Thanks, Cas. Really. You've…you've been there for them and me for the past six years. I'm sure it wasn't easy on you."

"Nothing is easy when a Winchester is involved, Dean. I've learned that now. I just have to 'roll with it' as they say."

Dean snorted and watched his friend walk toward the house. "Hey, Cas?"

Castiel turned on the steps and looked back at Dean. "Yes?"

"Promise me? If I'm bad for them, you'll tell me. I don't…I can't be bad for them. Or her."

Castiel smiled. "You'll be the best thing for them. But, I promise, Dean. I will look out for you all. I always do." And with that, Cas walked inside.

Dean took in a deep breath of the warm night air and he, too, made his way back inside and upstairs. He slid his clothes back off and slipped into bed. Ryan turned over and snuggled into him. "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere big."

"You smell like Cas."

Dean snorted. "Do I want to know what that means?"

Sleepy brown eyes opened to look at him. "Angels have a scent, sort of sweet, and clean. It's barely noticeable unless you've been around a lot of them, but it's there. You smell different, like brimstone and Dean, which is a delicious combination, let me tell you, but I caught the scent of the sweet on you."

"Wow. Sensitive nose," he mused. "But, yeah, Cas is back. He and I chatted."

Her eyebrow rose as she fingered his now-raw knuckles he hadn't taken the time to heal yet. "I see how you two 'talked', Dean."

He shrugged. "Well, we usually have stuff to work out. Sometimes it's good to get that aggression out."

She eyed him a moment.

"I'm not a rogue nuke, Ryan. I'm fine."

She bit her lip. "Okay," she whispered as she kissed his lips.

His hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her on top of him. "Hey, I'm okay, alright? I promise."

She nodded uncertainly.

"Ryan…"

"It's just a lot to take in, Dean."

"I know, Ryan. I know. But I promise, Cas wouldn't let me stay here if he thought I was a danger. Neither would you."

She worried that lip again and he lifted his head to gently meet her lips. "I promise," he whispered again.

She relaxed and laid her head on his chest. "Okay. I believe you."

* * *

**AN2: Next up is the wedding. Sorry this took so long to update. My computer died. I don't mean a little dead, I'm talking not even a crossroads demon could bring it back. Luckily my hubby loves me enough he bought me a new one. :) See you all next week! **


	28. Follow You Down

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, I wish I did though. LOL**

**AN: Thanks again for all the love last chapter! I love all of your opinions on Sam and Ryan and Dean and Ryan! Hopefully this chapter shows you more the Dean/Ryan dynamic. They're still finding their stride. Give them a little time, okay? And now we'll start off our story with Ryan's point of view so you can kind of get in her head a little before we swing back to Dean's POV. And the reunion a few of you were really waiting for; Dean and Baby. LOL**

* * *

**Ryan POV **

She awoke to find the sun streaming in her still open window and she smiled as she turned over, only to find an empty bed. She frowned, but only for a moment before she realized there was a note on the other pillow. She smiled as she read it;

_Peaches, sorry I had to bail. I rarely sleep anymore, which sucks, got to be honest, and sitting around watching you sleep made me feel like a creeper. I'll be back hopefully by the time you wake up. I had a really great time last night. I stayed until you started talking about the singing horses in your sleep. You'll have to tell me what in the hell you dreamed about. Anyway, see you for breakfast. _

_D _

She smiled and traced his initial with her fingertip as she worried her lip with her teeth. She took the note, folded it back in half, and slipped it into her bedside table drawer. Just then, she heard a knock at the door. She quickly slid into the shorts and tank from the night before, which she noticed were now sitting on the floor by her bedside, and called, "Come in."

Tory popped her head in. "I'm not going to see any demon asses, am I?" she asked with her hands over her eyes.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "He's gone on business. He'll be back later."

Tory smirked and dropped down onto Ryan's bed. "Wait," she muttered as she stood. "Did you two…?"

Ryan shot her a look. "What do you think?"

"Did he come back last night?"

Ryan's smile seemed to be answer enough as Tory dropped back down and hugged her friend. "Girl, you smell like brimstone and sex. Not a bad combo, got to be honest."

"It's better than angel grace," Ryan teased.

Tory giggled and they lay back together. "I've got an angel. You've got a demon. And Andy's got a human. Who'd have thunk?"

Ryan snorted. "Sounds like a bad joke. An angel, a demon and a human walk into a bar…" she shook her head. "It could be worse, I guess."

Tory propped up on her elbow to look at her friend. "Worse? Damn, girl, you got your happily ever after last night. I'd think you would be flying high this morning!"

"I am," Ryan answered guardedly. "But, let's face it, Tor, good news is a rarity for me. I don't do happy. You know that. So, it's…weird."

"It's awesome."

Ryan blew out a breath as she stared at the ceiling fan as it turned lazily in the breeze from the window. "You think the demons will call me 'Queen Ryan'?"

Tory looked at her and giggled again. "I'd demand it if I were you. But then, you've always been a tad less ostentatious than me."

"Too true."

They lay in silence a moment before she heard giggles coming from outside the door. "Come in, boys!" Ryan called.

Both boys ran in at top speed and jumped on the bed. "Where is he?" Bobby demanded.

"Yeah! Is Daddy here?" Jon asked hopefully.

Ryan smiled. "He'll be back for breakfast. He had to run do some business."

Bobby's face set in a hard line. "Really? Or is he just handing you a line, Mom?"

Her eyebrow rose. "Is that you, Bobby, or your memories asking me, Gabriel?"

The little boy's eyes narrowed. "Both."

She sighed. "I'm positive he will be back. He's got a demanding job."

"King of Hell, I know. I got the memo."

"Curb the 'tude, Gabe," she snapped. "He can't drop everything just because he found out about all of this. You've got to give him a little leeway."

The boy sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Ryan nodded. "Okay then. Now, who's hungry? I'm sure all the troops will be here in a little bit."

"And Daddy?" Jon asked hopefully.

Ryan just nodded. "And Daddy."

"Yay!" the little boy shouted.

She sighed as the two whirlwinds began bouncing on the bed. Bobby had enough of Gabriel's memories; she was worried it might skew his view of Dean. But Jon just wanted his daddy. And she would do her damnedest to make sure he got to spend time with him.

She sent the boys downstairs, Tory went to grab a shower, and Ryan quickly slid into some jeans and a tank before she padded barefoot downstairs. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly dialed Hope's number. No surprise to her, Jesse answered her daughter's phone, still half asleep by the sound of it. "Lo?"

"Good morning, Sunshine!" she shouted into the phone.

He groaned. "Good morning, Ryan."

She smirked. "Roust the troops. I'm making breakfast."

She could almost hear the smile in his voice as he replied; "We'll be over as soon as possible."

"Get coffee in her first. I don't want her breaking out angel grace at Dean if he looks at her funny."

Jesse paused. "Good thinking. I'll make sure she's awake."

Ryan didn't want to know _how _Jesse would make sure Hope was awake, but she knew he would do as asked. "You're a doll, Jess."

"Don't you forget it," he teased.

She smiled as she put her phone away. She walked into the dining room she had transformed from Fort Winchester to the waiting station for the cupcakes and looked at the mass of desserts and quickly counted them. "Robert Gabriel!" she shouted. She knew he was the one that had stolen some. She'd kept the doors shut to the dining room so the dogs couldn't get in.

The little boy had the good sense to look shame-faced as he wiped at a smudge of icing on his lip. "Yes?"

She sighed. "You're lucky I made an extra batch."

"I chose one that didn't look as pretty, Mama," he told her honestly.

She rolled her eyes. "Why else did I leave it sitting out?"

He smiled. "So…you're not mad?"

She shook her head. "No. But you only get one cupcake at the reception. No buts."

His lower lip poked out and she couldn't help notice how much like Dean he looked in that instant. "Yes, ma'am."

"Did you give your brother one?"

"Of course! You know I'll share, Mama!" he sounded insulted.

"Good. Now, go on, let's get ready in the kitchen. Dad will be back, then the other kids will come over."

"Will Aunt Andy bring the baby over?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Sure. Why not?" She sent Andy a quick text and walked into the kitchen where Tory had already made coffee, she could smell its delicious aroma wafting through the house.

"Let's get cooking!" Jon called excitedly.

Ryan laughed. "Yes. Let's."

* * *

**Dean POV**

Dean grinned as he heard noises in the kitchen and he knocked on the back door instead of popping in.

"Daddy!" Jon squealed as he opened the door and flung himself in Dean's arms.

Dean grinned at the little boy. He was still wearing his Batman pajamas and his hair was a wild mop on his head. He looked into his son's bright green eyes and his smile grew. "Hey, little man. What's up?"

"Mama's making pancakes! Ya wants some? They're great!"

Ryan smiled as she sat ingredients on the kitchen island. "Yeah, Dean, do you eat?"

He shot her a look. She was fresh-faced and bright eyed, also, dressed in a pair of holey jeans that hugged her gorgeous figure, bare feet, and a men's undershirt that left very little to the imagination, though he could see she had on a white bra beneath it. She looked mouth watering. "I eat. I don't have to, but I do."

She nodded. "Hope has gotten that way, too. Now that she's a full angel, she's found she doesn't have to eat. Of course, she's still yours, so she gets immense joy out of eating."

He grinned. "She still like pie?"

Ryan chortled. "Yep. And Bobby, naturally, has the biggest sweet tooth of anyone you've ever seen."

"Me too!" Jon piped up. "I love cheeseburgers and pie, just like Daddy!"

Ryan's smile was soft as she bent down to kiss the little boy's forehead. "Alright, Jonny-Cake. Let's mix up the batter." She turned to the other boy sitting at the table. "Bobby? Would you help? Get out the chocolate chips and blueberries, okay?"

Bobby grinned and nodded. "Sure thing, Mom." His eyes narrowed at the iPod dock and it flipped on. "Yes! I got it to work!"

Ryan gave him a high-five. "Awesome. Go ahead, pick out a song, since you've got the music working."

At Dean's raised eyebrow, Ryan said, "Bobby's working on his...let's say mischief. Gabriel has to play tricks of varying degrees. It's just in his nature." She smiled. "Between these two...the prank wars are terrible. Hope, too, since she and Gabriel were such good friends for centuries. They've been sworn to not pull pranks on the adults. However, Bobby G can't help getting Uncle Sammy on occasion."

He snorted. "Bobby G?" The kid's nickname sounded like a crappy street thug.

Ryan nodded. "He's either Bobby Gabriel, or Robert Gabriel when he acts up. It's...it's how we differentiate. We never had to worry about Hope being anyone other than her, but since Sam and I knew Gabriel, it's made it interesting. Hope was the one who chose Bobby's name, so Gabriel respects it."

Dean eyed his middle child. Bobby, like Jon, was also still in his pajamas which showed off the Iron Man suit and arch reactor. His hair was a little longer than Jon's and it was just as wild. Clearly the two boys had rolled right out of bed to help their mom cook. "You make it sound like he's two different people."

"He is. Usually he's just an eight year old little boy, but, occasionally, he's a powerful archangel who's finding his powers, much like a fledgling would. It's...it's interesting."

Just then, the iPod dock blared "No Diggity" by Blackstreet and Ryan shot their son a look. "Do you think that's appropriate?"

Bobby's grin dropped momentarily before it blared. "Sure, Mom. Why not?"

"Change it, sir."

He sighed and switched the song to "Victim of Love" and Dean rolled his eyes. "You're an Eagle's fan, Bobby? What has your mom done to you?"

Bobby just grinned a moment before he went about gathering ingredients for the pancakes. Dean sat down at the table and watched the two boys flutter around Ryan, helping her gathering ingredients, getting measuring cups, bowls, and spatulas.

"Where is everyone else? What time is the wedding today?"

Ryan smiled as she poured flour into a bowl. "The wedding is at six tonight. It's being catered for supper. And everyone else is around. Kris and Hope are at the bunker with their guys. Ben and Jess usually stay here unless the girls are home, too. It's a respect thing. I may let them live their lives as adults, but not under my roof."

Dean nodded as he caught the gist of what she was saying. "They're grown ups, aren't they?"

Ryan nodded. "Hope's been an adult since she was thirteen, a full blown angel since her fourteenth birthday. She looked like it, she acted like it, she worked like it."

"A lot has changed since South Dakota."

Ryan nodded. "After you...died...she let her grace flow, she couldn't hold it back. It was like her brain was flooded. She continued school, but it was evident she didn't need to stick with the same grades she had been. She graduated high school with Ben, Jess, and Kris. They started hunting full time. Now they take college courses and help out with the boys in addition to hunting more fully. Her grace flourished, so she grew up on me."

Dean could hear the sadness in Ryan's voice. He remembered her saying how adamant she was about Hope having a "normal" childhood. It was a shame she didn't get it.

"You left, after I fell asleep again," Ryan commented as she started stirring the batter before she handed it over to Bobby to give it a stir.

"Yeah, business," Dean commented. After he came back in and Ryan went back to sleep, he couldn't just stay there. It made him antsy. He'd gone and let the dogs outside since they were scratching at Ryan's door, then he heard Cas walk back out. They talked about this whole deal thing Lucifer was ranting about. It was making him nervous, truth be told. Cas promised he would look into it and get back to him.

Ryan shrugged as she divided the batter. "Okay, boys, one batch blueberry, one batch chocolate-chocolate chip, one batch regular, and one batch cinnamon sugar, you think?"

"LOTS of sugar!" Bobby cried.

Ryan rolled her eyes but grinned. "That I can do."

"What time is everyone coming, Mommy?" Jon asked.

Ryan glanced at the clock. "Everyone will be here soonish. It would be easier if the girls were here, but..."

"No need, Mom," Hope said on a yawn as she stepped into the room. She walked over to Dean and gave him a one-armed hug. "Morning, Daddy."

He blinked. "Good morning, Hope."

"Coffee…" Krissy groaned as she, too, joined them.

"In the pot," Ryan murmured distractedly as she rummaged through the fridge.

"Thank God," Kris muttered as she poured two mugs. Dean watched in amusement as she fixed them both, then handed one to Hope.

"What did ya'll do? Roll out of the boys beds and book it back here?" Ryan commented.

Dean watched both girls blush. "Well, yeah. Hope flew me back here. We, uh, didn't want to do the walk of shame…" Krissy muttered.

Dean held in the chuckle. Both of them looked tired, but like most kids, even dressed in shorts and tee shirts, they looked cute.

They both sat next to him and began chatting quietly about the hunt they were leaving for the next day.

"Dragons?" Dean exclaimed as he heard them talk. "I thought we killed the dragon."

"Dad," Hope's tone was exasperated. "That was years ago. And, no, you only killed one, if memory serves. There were still a few more. They've been breeding. There are little ones running around out there."

"Are you going to kill them, too?"

"More than likely, not, but the fact remains, they're learning at the hands of the bad guys."

Kris nodded. "Yeah, we don't mind letting monsters live if they're good, but these are being trained to kill virgins."

He glanced at the two girls. Given Ryan's comments from last night about both the girls and again this morning, he didn't have to ask about their safety. Apparently the dragon wouldn't come after either of them. Instead, he inquired, "Are the guys going with you?"

Hope and Kris looked at one another before they burst out in giggles. "Nah, we've got it," Krissy managed.

"What about blades? How can you kill it?" he inquired, wanting to see if they knew what they were talking about.

"With a sword forged in dragon's blood," Hope told him.

He nodded. "And just where do you think you'll find such a blade?"

"The Bunker," Krissy said simply.

Dean blinked. He didn't remember seeing that. "Is there a dragon sword in the bunker?"

Hope grinned. "Well, there's four now. We only had one, and Ben and Krissy killed a dragon last year."

"While we had you locked in the tower," Krissy snorted.

"Bite me," Hope retorted.

"Hey, didn't you wonder why Jesse just _had _to stay home and train Jon that week?" Krissy added. At Hope's look, Krissy rolled her eyes. "The lore said virgins. It didn't state if it was male or female virgins. Ben wanted Jess safe and we all know Ben didn't have that problem…"

"Neither did you, slut."

"Please. I'm selective. I just happened to find a lot to select," Krissy shot back.

Dean winced. He didn't really enjoy where this conversation was going. Hope must have sensed it, because she turned to Dean. "Anyway, we forged three new blades while we were at it, just for grins and giggles."

He looked at the two. Hope was seventeen, Krissy was probably around twenty four? Twenty five? Too young, but both so experienced already. "I've killed a dragon before, too. I could help," he commented offhandedly.

Hope's lip quirked, reminding him pointedly of her mother. "Didn't Uncle Sam actually kill it?"

"Hey, I was distracting it."

Both girls giggled.

Ryan rolled her eyes at the girls' discussion and turned to the little boys. "Come on, boys, let's get the bacon cooked." She glanced at the two girls. "Girls, would you go really quick and load the cupcakes for me? I've got to take them to the community center after breakfast and I don't want Gabriel eating anymore of them."

"Sure, Mama B," Krissy said with a grin as she downed the rest of her coffee and stood.

_Mama B? _Dean thought, but he remembered Ben calling Ryan 'Mama Bear' the night before. He should have realized everyone regarded Ryan as their mom. It was…comforting, he supposed, to find out.

"Be right back," Hope chimed in as she, too, stood.

"Yum!" Jon enthused as he grabbed a knife to open the package of bacon. Dean watched in amusement as he wielded the knife like a professional. Even at five and a half, Ryan was making sure the kid could look after himself. Of course, Dean had to grin when Jon's eyes narrowed and focused on opening the lid to the trashcan with his mind. _Damn. These kids are hella powerful, aren't they? _

"Hey," Ryan stated softly as she came to give Dean a chaste kiss on the cheek, bringing him a cup of coffee, black, just like he liked it. "Good morning."

His hands traveled up her outer thighs to her waist as he pulled her close for another kiss, mindful of the two boys working at the island. "Good morning."

Dean suddenly heard the music get louder as the song changed to "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar and he smiled. He did love the rocker chicks. Ryan winked at him and walked away. His eyes were fastened on the sway of her hips as she sashayed to the counter, snagged a mug, and filled it with coffee for herself. He was hypnotized as she sang the words to the song under her breath while she poured cream and sugar into her Wonder Woman mug, sweetening it how she liked.

The two boys worked in unison with Ryan as they fried bacon and continued mixing pancake batter. Dean had the impression this was a morning tradition.

Ryan smiled as she walked back over to Dean with the coffee pot in hand. "Need a refill?"

He glanced at his half drank cup of coffee. "Nah, I'm good."

"You don't really need that, do you?"

There was something in her tone, sadness, perhaps, but he wanted to be honest with her. He wasn't good at honesty, but for her, he'd try. "No, like I said earlier, I don't need it. It's just one of those human things I do to pretend."

She ran a hand up his arm to his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I'm glad you're here," she whispered.

He smiled and his hand closed over hers. "Me too."

"Wait!" Jon cried and he sounded almost close to tears.

"What, baby?" Ryan asked as she scooted over to him.

"Daddy has to use the special cup! It's for him, Mama!"

Ryan's smile was soft as she inclined her head. "Of course. How could I forget? Can you get it, Jon?"

The little boy smiled though his cheeks were already wet from a stray tear or two as he scooted the stool over to a different cabinet and stood on the countertop to get something from one of the top shelves.

"What am I missing?" Dean asked.

"We's gots special cups!" Jon told him as he grabbed a black mug and brought it over to hand to Ryan to put coffee in. Dean noticed she rinsed it off and dried it before she poured coffee in it.

"Special cups?"

Ryan nodded as she walked back over, her own eyes watery. "Sam tells stories from when you two were younger, and sometimes I add in some as well. I remembered the time, barely, and I had pictures help, when we were little and we went trick-or-treating together. You were Batman, I was Wonder Woman."

Dean's brows furrowed as he remembered. He could almost see her in her pigtails and Wonder Woman costume, her gold lasso roping his stuffed horse. Sammy had been a baby…it was the Halloween right before his mom had died. "Yeah. I remember. Sort of."

She smiled. "Anyway, the kids got a kick out of that. They bought me a Wonder Woman mug. Sam is Superman. Don't ask me why. I think it's because he's recently gotten glasses and the boys tease him about it, but he's got a Superman mug. And you…" She handed him the black mug with the yellow and black Batman logo. "Well, you're Batman."

He took it as if it were made of the most delicate of glass, the most precious of gems. "I am?" he managed, though his own voice was thick with tears.

"To the boys you are," she mused. "And to me as well."

He licked his lips and looked up at her. "Thank you." He looked at the two little guys. Jon was almost dancing he was so excited, but Bobby looked almost angry. Dean wasn't sure why. "Thanks, guys. This is excellent."

The songs on Ryan's iPod had been varying between chick rockers to The Eagles and Creedence, which Dean approved of, while the meal came together, but suddenly it changed to Brittany Spear's "Toxic" as the volume rose.

Ryan's eyebrow popped up as she glanced over. "Feeling like some girl pop, Gabriel?"

Bobby shrugged and continued stirring the bowl, adding chocolate chips into it.

Ryan looked at her son for a moment before she, too, shrugged and began singing the song under her breath, moving her hips seductively as she pulled plates out of the cabinet and sat out a basket full of forks, making the beginning of a buffet line.

The song changed again and before Dean could blink, Ryan had shut off the dock and intoned, "Robert Gabriel. Living room. Now."

The little boy's eyes widened and he blinked before he looked shamefaced and his gaze traveled to the linoleum floor as he followed his mother.

"What happened?" Dean asked Jon, who was now pulling pancake syrup from the cabinet.

"He's gots in trouble again."

"What did he do?"

Jon shrugged. "Dunno. He's always doing something. Mama says its ucuz he's the god of mischief." He sat the pancake syrup on the countertop and added, "Usually when she gets on a roll, it takes a minute."

"Do you get in a lot of trouble, Jon?" The little boy was, after all, part demon.

Jon smiled and Dean was once more reminded of himself. "Nah, I's smarter than Bobby. He can't stop when he gets started. I don't like spankings and Mama will tear us up with a switch if we act bad. 'Course, Bobby's gots angel's grace so it don't hurt him so bad. Then Mama usually takes away his dessert and that hurts him ucuz of his sweet tooth." The little boy paused and turned his bright green eyes to Dean. "Can you help with the bacon?"

Dean nodded and went to the stove to flip the bacon so it didn't burn, but he was more than a little curious as to what was happening in the living room and turned his sensitive ears to the conversation that was just starting;

"Damn it, Gabriel, what are you doing?"

"Mom..."

"Don't 'Mom' me, Gabe. Spill it."

Dean heard the little boy sigh. "That's just it. You are my mom! And that...sitting out there is Dean Winchester. He's a hound dog. Forget, for just a minute, that he's a demon, he's Dean Freaking Winchester!"

Dean heard Ryan sigh this time. "Look, Bobby, Gabriel, you're my son, and I love you more than anything in this world. You, Hope, and Jon are my whole life. Forget the hunting, forget prophecies and all that other crap, the three of you are my reason for existence. But...I loved him first, you get that, right? Loving him is why you three were born. And Dean has always been the person I've loved, even when he didn't love me back."

"But don't you get it, Mom? He's gonna hurt you..."

"He might, Bobby. And if he does, that's my cross to bear, not yours."

"But..."

"No buts, Bob. I am an adult. I think like one, I look like one, I act like one. You think I don't know the risks associated with being Dean's? Giving my heart to him? Trusting him? I'm not an idiot, honey. And you think by sending me subliminal messages in those songs, about heartbreakers and heartache, about toxic relationships, about being a victim of love...I get it. I really do. But it doesn't matter." She paused. "I thought you were excited about Dean being in your life. It's all you talked about on the ride home. What happened between last night and this morning?"

"I don't know," Dean heard the child's soft voice reply.

"Well, I think I've got a clue. He's your father, and he's the man I love. But, he won't take your place, Bobby. Like I said; you, Hope and Jon have always come first. I chose Hope over him all the way back to the beginning. I could have told him, afterward, gone against your wishes, or the old you's wishes, and told him the truth, but this had to come to pass. I understand it now, I really do. Now, I also extend that love out to my three new kids, but it doesn't change anything. My heart has grown, not shrunk. I love you all. And I love your father. I always have. That hasn't changed any. Now he's just in our lives. Can you accept that?"

"I want him here, Mom. I do. It's just...I remember him, you know?"

"And wasn't he a good man, then? He's the righteous man, Gabriel. And that means he's good, deep down, demon or not."

"He changed women like he changed his underwear."

Ryan laughed out loud at that. "I know that, sweetie. He's always been like that. But, he's never had a place to call home before, either, and Ben can tell you, he was faithful when he was with Lisa. I believe that. He couldn't have a steady girlfriend out on the road. You'll understand that when you're older. "

"He did. He had a home with Ben and his mom! He threw it all away. I know what happened with Ben. I overheard..."

"Dean did what he thought was the best at the time," she interrupted stiffly, leaving no room for argument on the matter. "Besides, Ben and Lisa are just human, Bobby."

"So are you," he whispered.

"Don't worry about me. I can handle myself."

"It's my job to worry. You're my mom."

"And I love you, buddy, more than I can say. I don't care that you're a powerful archangel, all I care about is the fact you're my little boy and I love getting hugs from you."

The boy sounded close to tears. "I love getting hugs from you, too, Mom."

"Can you find it in your heart to make room for Dean in my life? I mean, I know it'll be touch and go for a while...nothing will be easy..."

"I'd like to try it."

"Okay, then, let's go out there and I'll let you listen to Ariana Grande."

"I can't help liking 'Problem'. It's all Hope's fault. She listened to that song on repeat for six months straight when I was a little dude!"

Ryan giggled. "I remember. But, hey, if you put on 'Black Widow' then it would be about me hurting him. Would that be preferable?"

Bobby was silent a moment before, "I don't want anyone in my family hurt. We've all had enough heartache."

"I couldn't agree more, kid," Ryan whispered. "I couldn't agree more."

Dean blinked and focused on Jon and the bacon he almost burned just as Ryan and Bobby walked back into the kitchen. "Everything okay?" he asked as he handed the tongs back to Ryan.

Ryan smiled as she watched Bobby go back to the island where Jon was mixing blueberries into the batter of one bowl. "Yeah. We're good now."

"I heard what you two were talking about..."

She blew out a breath. "It'll be an adjustment, Dean. Give them time."

"I'll give you guys all the time in the world. I swear it."

She nodded and leaned to give him a kiss just as she heard a car drive up. She glanced out the window and grinned. "Boys, Uncle Sam is here."

"Sam! Sam!" they both shouted as they ran to the door.

Ryan was all smiles as she watched them go.

"They miss him," Dean commented as the two little guys ran to the door.

"He's been here their whole lives, sweetheart. They love him probably more than they love me. It was another adjustment when he moved out, but they got it. They love Andy to pieces. And when we found out Steven would be joining the family, well, the little boys got the biggest kick out of having another little boy to play with. When they found out he wouldn't be able to do anything when he was born, they were decidedly disappointed."

Dean buried the hurt and chuckled. "I remember, barely, Mom telling me about Sammy and how he wouldn't be able to do anything. It was a let-down, I tell you."

The whirlwind of boys came back in bringing Sam, Andrea, and Steven with them. Sam's eyebrow shot up at seeing Dean, but he smiled. "Sup?"

Dean shrugged. "Not much. Just…getting to know everyone."

"Well, that's good," Andy stated as she sat the baby carrier down on the floor. "You need to get comfortable with us, Dean. Trust me, as an outsider, it takes a while to acclimate."

"Outsider?" he asked as the music came back on.

She inclined her head to where Sam had easily stepped in to help Ryan and the boys cook. The singing started back up again and Sam's terrible voice sang the men's part of the song. He and Ryan worked in perfect synchronization around the two little boys.

"I thought they were together," Andy admitted quietly. At Dean's raised eyebrow, she continued, "Even after she told me about Nebraska, and she said she was in love with you, when he came back…I thought they were together. I thought she was just blind. I watched them, like this, and I really thought they would get together regardless of what Ryan had told me about you, about her connection to you. I knew she had moved in with Sam, or rather, he moved in with her, when she moved down here, but to see it…they were together _years_ before I showed up, Dean. That's a long time to get comfortable with someone."

Dean heard Ryan's peal of laughter and his heart hurt as he watched them. "Why didn't they get together? They should have."

Andy shrugged. "Honestly? It was Ryan. Sam and I have talked about it. Had she not been adamant in the fact she was yours, and only yours, you and I wouldn't be in the picture right now."

"I'm sorry." And he really was. He didn't know how hard this must be for her.

She shrugged and smiled. "Ryan's one of my best friends. I would have stayed out of it, I really would, but then…things between me and Sam got complicated."

"Sam's middle name should be complicated."

She laughed at that. "Yeah, you're right. But, anyway, I thought he was still in love with her. Imagine my surprise when he made a move on me after Hope's birthday party."

Dean snorted. "He made the first move?"

"A cupid made him do it. Well, that and booze."

"Sam never has held his liquor well."

She chortled. "Well, that night, all bets were off. It was crazy. Then the next morning, I woke up and found him gone and I have to admit, it hurt like hell. Turns out he'd gone to get me breakfast. He's such a sweetheart."

"He's always been that," he stated, a bit sarcastically.

He could see the love shining out of her eyes as she watched Sam tickling Jon. "We haven't been without our ups and downs. He didn't want to hunt with me."

"He wanted to protect you," Dean told her immediately.

She inclined her head. "See? You see that because you think like him. I didn't. Ryan had to set his ass straight. Then, he and I talked."

"Good."

"I love him, Dean. I love him with everything I am. And if you hurt him, or Ryan again, you can't slink far enough into Hell that I won't find you and find a way to kill you."

He looked at the little woman in surprise a moment before he grinned. Yeah, he liked her. He could see what Ryan and Sam both saw in her; that spark, that fire. "I won't hurt them."

"You'd better not," she mused.

He regarded her with a new respect. "You're a hunter, right?" She nodded. "I don't know much about your story," he admitted.

She smiled. "I used to torture demons for fun."

"Is that a fact?"

Her smile grew as she patted his arm. "I'll tell you sometime."

One thing had been bugging him since last night, and he was man enough to admit, he had to know. "Ryan's ringtone for you is 'I kissed a girl'."

She laughed. "Yes, it is."

"Why?"

She smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes. That's why I asked."

She just grinned and shook her head. "I'll never tell."

"Damn it," he muttered under his breath.

Just then, they heard the Impala pull up. Dean glanced out the window in time to see Hope's blue Galaxy slide into the driveway next. Obviously Hope had popped back to the bunker to get her car. "Man your battle stations," Ryan called teasingly. "The kids are back."

Dean could admit, even if only to himself, he was excited. He'd never been around this much family before.

He wasn't, however, prepared for the mass chaos breakfast brought. When Ryan said "The Winchesters at large" he hadn't expected every one of the Winchesters and their adopted siblings to be there for breakfast. An infant, two boys under ten, a group of young adults, and the five older adults, made a huge crowd. He was disappointed Charlie didn't come, but apparently she decided to sleep in. He would have to make it appoint to talk to her today. Last night, she had slunk off with her honey before he had even made it back with Ryan.

"I thought it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding," Dean joked as Andy sat on Sam's lap with a plate full of pancakes.

She grinned. "Well, yeah, but I made him sleep alone in the guest bed last night, so I guess it's only fair. Besides, it's only bad luck to see them in their wedding dress. And trust me, I'm not eating pancakes in that."

Dean chuckled. "Good to know."

"So, Dean," Sam began.

"Sam?"

"Are you coming, tonight?"

"To the wedding?"

Sam nodded.

"If you would like for me to come. I don't want to impose…" Truthfully, he was dying to go, but he didn't know what the proper protocol would be. He would never want to be there if he wasn't wanted.

"We want you there," Andy said with a smile. "Trust us, we want you there."

"Then I would be honored."

Sam glanced at Ben, who nodded, and Sam asked Dean, "Would you consider being my best man?"

Dean opened his mouth to speak and snapped it shut. "Sam…I don't know what to say." He glanced at Ben. "Was Ben going to be…?"

Ben smiled. "It's cool. I always knew I was standing in place for you, Dean."

"I…are you sure?"

Ben nodded. "I'm completely cool with not getting up there in a penguin suit. Matter of fact, it should fit you. We're about the same size."

"Ryan's my maid of honor," Andy commented with a wink.

Dean looked over at Ryan, who was flipping more pancakes. Was she ever going to sit and eat? She'd been working nonstop since he got there. "I'm in," he said before he walked over to the griddle. "Go, sit, Ryan. Eat. Let me flip these."

Her eyebrow rose. "Pretty sure it's been a while since you've cooked, Dean."

He shrugged. "Some things you don't forget. Flipping flapjacks is one."

She smiled and handed him the spatula. But, instead of going and sitting at the table with everyone else, she grabbed a plate, filled it, and hopped up on the counter next to him, her bare feet teasing his legs and his crotch. He popped her foot gently with a soft slap before he grabbed it. Her toes were painted a blood red with black and white designs on her big toes. "You're nothing but trouble."

She smirked as she took a bite of bacon. She downed a bit of coffee and glanced around conspiratorially. "I'll never look at this counter the same way again," she murmured innocently.

His eyes traveled to the spot they'd had sex on last night. "Yeah, me either."

She giggled and leaned in for a kiss.

"So…big day today. Did you get your cupcakes finished last night?"

She nodded as she chewed. "Yep. Luckily Kris and Hope helped me and we knocked it out quickly enough."

"I thought they stayed out late."

She rolled her eyes. "They came back here and helped me first. Sam wanted to come help, but I told him not to worry about it." She smiled over at his brother, who winked back. "He and I have this whole thing worked out."

"I've noticed," Dean said flatly.

Her eyebrow shot up. "That isn't the green eyed monster I see rearing its ugly head, is it?"

He grinned at that. "Well, I happen to be a green eyed monster, so, maybe?"

She chuckled under her breath. "Sam and I have a long history, Dean. You're going to have to get used to it."

"There is a lot I'm going to have to get used to."

She nodded. "Indeed."

Both were quiet a moment. He tried to stop the rush of words, but they popped out unbidden as he said, "You have a song for him."

She looked surprised for a moment before she nodded. "Yeah. I do. He's got one for me, too."

"I heard."

She regarded him a moment before she added, "I have a song for everyone. Andy, Hope, Tory, hell, I even have a song for Cas. It's just how I..." she blew out a breath. "Sometimes I'm not so good with my feelings, either, okay?"

He hated to ask, but again, the word vomit wouldn't stop as he inquired, "Do you have a song for me?"

She sat her plate down and looked at him a moment before she softly shook her head 'no'.

"Oh," he breathed, and he couldn't help the disappointment that flared through him. He could admit, if only to himself, how hurt he was.

She put her hand on his face, "Dean...you don't get it. I don't have just one song for you. Every song is for you. Every song makes me think of you. Every song that talks about sadness, or regret, longing or desire, from the sweet, to the sappy to the crappy junk that's playing on the radio nowadays, it all makes me think of you. So, no, I don't have just one song for you. I have hundreds. Thousands. And every single one of them makes me want you, makes me realize what I'm missing, makes me realize what a fool I am."

She have him a self-depreciating smile. "They're all you. It's always been you. It was never Sam, I swear it. And I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I did you so wrong and I know that and it's my cross to bear. I'll live with it until the day I die, but know that if I could, I would have been with you. You mean everything to me. And I will never be able to apologize enough to you."

He grasped both her hands in his. "Well, you're doing a pretty decent job of it so far."

She was quiet a moment. "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop," she admitted softly.

His eyebrow rose. "Why?"

"I'm waiting for you to be pissed off and leave me," she confided.

Truthfully, he was surprised he wasn't angrier than he was. He was hurt, surely, but he couldn't help but wonder if the demon part of him was holding some of those more negative emotions at bay. Of course, he'd beaten up on Cas last night, and that had helped, some, but, no, he wasn't really feeling anything at the moment. He shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" he inquired gently, being careful not to let any anger seep into his tone. "I'm hurt, yeah, I'm hurt. I've missed so much. Sam stepped in and took my place, Ryan. Hell yes, I'm hurt. But I get it. Cas and I talked last night. He gave me some of his memories."

"He did?" Her tone held nothing but surprise.

Dean nodded. "He gave me his memories of the kids. The birthdays, the holidays he was here for, I got to see them grow up. He said he had a lot of memories of you he'd share with me if you were willing."

She nibbled on her lip as her hands wrung in her lap. "Hey," he started as he moved between her legs and grasped her face softly. "Look at me." Her eyes were glistening with tears. "What?"

"I've done you so wrong, Dean. How can you forgive me? I don't deserve all of this. You're here, the kids…it's all perfect and I don't deserve it."

"You've been so unhappy for so long, Ryan. I know. I've seen it through Castiel's eyes. He's worried about you, I can tell."

"My unhappiness isn't all he's worried about," she told him.

He felt a nagging fear in the pit of his stomach, but he squashed it for now. They would have time to talk about all of that. "Well, let's just focus on you being happy, okay?"

"Why? Why are you so good to me, Dean? Seriously? I mean, I've lied and stolen all of this from you…"

"Like I was in a position to have it in the first place?" he shot back at her. At her upturned eyes, he sighed. "I'm the king of Hell, Ryan. I couldn't have raised these kids with you. I'm not so stupid I don't realize you were doing what was best for them. Cas reminded me, I took this damn mark," he stated as his hand moved to his arm, "And I cursed myself. I've always been cursed and this is what's kept me from being with you until now. Truthfully, I should walk away and not hurt any of you any more than I already have."

"No!" she whisper-yelled.

He grasped her waist and looked into her eyes. "I'm not going to. I'm a selfish bastard, Ryan. I've got you now and I've got the power to keep you safe. I couldn't walk away now if I tried. I'm just telling you what I should do."

"Walking away has always been your problem," she chastised. "Now you need to man the fuck up and stick around."

"Well, you need to man the fuck up and start telling me the truth. You're still hiding something from me," he stated angrily.

She sucked in a quick breath before she nodded. "You're right." She glanced around the room. "But not here. Not now."

He eyed her. "Fine. But I want to know everything. No more lies. No more half truths. No lies by omission. Got it?"

She licked her lips before she nodded. "Got it."

"Good."

They were both silent a few moments as he flipped a few more pancakes onto the huge platter. He took them over to the table where Hope eyed him suspiciously and he smiled at her before he returned to the griddle. He poured more batter onto it and watched the bubbles rise and pop.

"I'm glad you're here," Ryan said finally. "I really am. For all the shit we've been through, I feel like it's as if finally we're whole."

He knew what she meant. He hadn't realized how empty he was until now and how full he felt. His heart was full. Since last night, a change had come over him. He felt less like a demon than ever, and truthfully, since Cas had all but kicked his ass in that warehouse six years ago, he hadn't felt like much of a demon, anyway. Sure, he had powers, lots of powers. He could silence someone with a glance, could kill a demon with a blink, and could really do some serious damage, should he choose to. But this? This was a completely different feeling. It made him wonder. He put down the spatula and went to stand between her legs again. He grasped her face tenderly and pulled her to him for a kiss. "I'm glad I'm here, too."

Just then, they heard raised voices and Ryan sighed audibly.

"Carroll Shelby's Mustang is way better than the corvette, Ben."

"That's because you're a Ford girl, Hope. The Corvette was there first."

"And, so, what? Just because it got to the starting gate first means it always wins? Please."

"Can you two not argue over this again?" Ryan inquired loudly.

The siblings looked at one another and grinned. "What was the first car fitted with an alternator, rather than a direct current dynamo?" Ben asked.

Hope picked up a bite of pancake with her fork and twirled it around. "1960 Plymouth Valiant." She stuffed the bite in her mouth and asked, "Which cars were the first to use a standardized production key-start system?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Pfft, easy. 1949 Chryslers." His eyes narrowed. "What did the Olds designation 4-4-2 stand for?"

"I'm offended you think I'm that big of an idiot that I don't know it stands for a 4 barrel carburetor, 4 speed transmission, and a dual exhaust."

Ben's eyebrow rose. "You brought your A-game, sis."

He paused a moment and Dean piped up, "What car was the first to place the horn button in the center of the steering wheel?"

Both of them looked at him blankly. He grinned. "The 1915 Scripps-Booth Model C. FYI, the car was also the first with electric door latches."

Everyone looked at him a moment before Ben tossed out, "Well, you should know, wasn't that like, your first car, grandpa?"

Dean's eyes narrowed at the kid, but they were both smiling. "Ha, ha, ha."

"What U.S. production car has the quickest 0-60 mile per hour time?" Ryan asked with a grin.

"Baby's dad!" all the kids called. At Dean's furrowed brows, Ryan chuckled. "The 1962 Chevy Impala SS 409. And it did it in 4.0 seconds, too."

Dean's mouth fell open. "You've learned about cars?"

She shrugged. "Dinner table discussions usually revolved around three things; hunting, cars, or rock and roll music. I picked up a few things."

Dean grinned as he grabbed her and pulled her to him. "Come here, you sexy woman," he growled as he placed a lingering kiss on her lips. Only when the catcalls started, did he pull away.

She smiled and ran the pad of her thumb over his lips. "I'm so glad you're here," she repeated.

He was, too.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a flurry of activity. Dean had never been in a wedding, well, unless that sham of a wedding in Vegas of Sam's with Becky counted. He wondered if Andy knew she was about to be Sam's second wife and decided wisely to not comment. If he knew Sammy, and, granted, he didn't know him as well as he once did, he was certain Sam had laid his soul bare for her.

Sam and Andrea weren't getting married in a church, instead, they were exchanging vows in a small meadow near the bunker and the reception was going to be held in a community building they had rented. The building was quite attractive. It had a rustic feel to it, with great stones decorating the whole of the outside and wood everywhere inside. He had gone with Ryan to help set up the cupcakes. She had also decorated a small cake to go on top of the tiered cupcake stand for Sam and Andy to cut. It was gorgeous. Clearly, Ryan had a gift for this kind of thing and Dean told her as she put the finishing touches on it. "This is beautiful, Ryan. I didn't know you could do this."

She smiled as she put down the icing bag and grinned as she blew an errant curl out of her eyes. "Thanks. You should see the cakes I make for the kids. I just do it for fun, though."

"Well, you're great at it. You could probably do it as a business."

She chuckled. "Yeah, between wendigos and vampires, sure."

He smiled sadly. "It's not the life you wanted."

She shrugged and started gathering her stuff. "It's the life I've been given. I accept it with joy and thanksgiving, Dean."

"You're so positive. How do you stay so upbeat about it?"

She worried her lip with her teeth as she thought. Finally, she said, "I didn't expect to have a life at all, you know that. I was prepared for the end, and when I was given Hope, well, I was given hope. That's why her name is Hope."

"But…she's the Virtue, Hope."

She chortled. "Yes, her angelic name was Hope, too, but she gave me a reason to go on. Her, and you," she whispered as she sidled up to him. "You, Dean, you saved me. Time and again, you've saved me."

He shrugged. "I didn't do anything special."

She smiled as she pulled his lips down to hers. "You did. And you are. Special, I mean. You're very special to me, you always have been, always will be."

He kissed her gently. "Thank you."

She pulled away and winked. "You're welcome. Now, we need to get everyone ready. Ugh, the things I do for this family. I've got dresses and suits and all this other stuff to get ready before I can even get dressed."

"I'll help."

She stopped short and looked at him. "What?"

"I can help. What? Do the boys need to get ready?"

Her lip twitched. "Are you seriously volunteering to get our sons ready for the wedding?"

"Yeah."

"Both of them?"

"They're kind of a matching set, aren't they?"

She smiled and inclined her head. "Alright. Sounds good. Their bags are packed with their clothes. I was going to take them to the bunker to get ready, but if you want to do it, all the other guys are over there."

"Sure." He paused. "Think they could handle flying demon air?"

She laughed. "Oh, they'd get a kick out of it."

"Good. And you?"

She eyed him warily. "If you come at me with that demon mojo," she pulled an angel blade out of her holster on her hip, "I'm going to stab you in the neck with this angel blade."

He grinned. "It wouldn't hurt me for long."

She fingered the sidearm on her other hip. "A shot with a devil's trap bullet might."

"Only one way to find out…"

Her lip twitched and she made a mad dash for the door and her SUV beyond. He ran after her out into the pouring rain. She shrieked as she tossed the box with her pastry stuff into the back of it and ran around for the driver's side, cackling like a mad woman. He grinned as he gauged where she would be and disappeared only to reappear right in front of the door.

She screamed in thinly veiled terror and delight as she ran the opposite direction. "You can't get me, Dean! I'm a great fighter!"

He smirked. _We'll just see about that. _They ran around the grassy area as she waited, trying to work her way back to the car, which somehow both must have considered to be "base".

_Little shit is fast, _he thought as he ran after her. "I can stop you, you know!" he called to her.

She turned and stopped. "Try me."

He sent his power after her and she froze, up against the car. He was careful with her. "Feel that?" he murmured as he sidled up to her. "Don't fuck with the king demon, Ryan."

She smirked, blinked, and broke his hold on her as she ran around to the other side of the car.

He stopped, dead. "How did you do that?"

She looked at him over the hood. "Do what?"

"You…you just threw off my power."

She nodded. "I know I did."

"But…no one can do that. No human, anyway."

Her brow furrowed. "Yeah, see, about that..."

"You have powers? Demon powers?"

She winced. "Yes. And no."

"Which is it?"

She blew out a breath and leaned against the vehicle. "I do have powers, yes. I can break a demon's hold on me, and I can occasionally use demon powers against other creatures. I've…I've never used it on a human. I'm afraid to."

"Ryan…" he began.

"It gets worse," she told him.

"How? How can it get any worse?"

"Cas has been purifying me with his blood. Pure angel blood, injected. It's similar to the Men of Letters spell to turn a demon into a human. It hurts like a bitch in heat, let me tell you. He injects me, I'm sick as a fucking dog for a week or two, then I slowly feel better."

"Well, that's good…isn't it?"

Her nose wrinkled. "Well, it was, until the powers came back."

"Back?"

She nodded. "They come back each time, and every time, the angel blood works less and less."

"Ryan…fuck." He ran his hand through his hair. _What the hell? _

"I know," she whispered.

"This is serious. You know about Lucifer's plans…if you turned evil…" _Shit! This is bad! What if…_he swallowed hard. _What if I have to destroy her? _

"I won't," she stated adamantly.

"You might."

"I might," she conceded. "You're one hundred percent right. I can't predict the future. But, if I do, if I start turning, and Cas can't fix me, I've got a contingency plan in place."

"Contingency…Ryan, what the fuck are you planning?"

She sucked in a breath and he felt it like a blow as she stated defiantly, "If I start going rogue, I'm going to ingest vampire blood. Once I turn, Sam, or Cas, will cut off my head. If I'm in Purgatory, I can't turn into a demon."

"Ryan! Shit. Are you listening to yourself?"

"What the fuck else do you want me to do, Dean? I can't go to Hell, I don't stand a snowball's chance of getting in upstairs…I can't stay human…Purgatory is my best option. I could let Garth bite me, but I…I love Garth, don't get me wrong, but the lycanthrope in him just scares the everloving shit out of me. I'd rather be a vamp and get my head chopped off. It's quick and almost painless. It's a good plan. You have to see that."

"But, I just got you back," he whispered and he hated the fact he sounded like a scared little bitch.

She sighed sadly. "I know, baby, I know."

"How long you got?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. A month? A year? A decade? I have no idea. Cas keeps giving me injections and I'm just…"

"But if it's the blood, the demon blood, you could get a blood transfusion, right?"

"No guarantees that would work."

"The trials? They cured Sam of all of that shit."

She nodded. "I considered that. I considered ganking a hellhound, but then if it got back to you…we couldn't let you know about Jon…"

"No! Don't call on the _King of Hell _to help you with a fucking hell problem! Just deal with it yourselves! You stubborn fool!"

Her lip quirked. "Well, when you put it that way…"

"What can I do, Ryan?"

"Nothing. There's nothing you can do. We just have to go with it, for now. See if it gets worse. Who knows? Maybe this connection we have, us being together, instead of apart? Maybe it will help matters instead of hurt them. Maybe everything will work out and with us being together, we can heal one another. Maybe all I need is you."

"All I need is you, Ryan. I can't lose you now. I just got you back."

She bit her lip. "I don't want to die, Dean. Not now. I'm not jumping in committing suicide by vamp. I'm fighting, fighting like hell to survive for those kids. Now that you know, maybe you can help. I don't want to die and go to Purgatory. I want to live, to see my kids grow up, to see them all become these awesome creatures that make the earth quake and the monsters tremble. I want all that. And I want to share it with you."

He dematerialized and trapped her against the car, not with his powers, but his body. "I want you, Ryan, so damn bad. I want to share everything with you."

They were both soaking wet from the rain and though he was concerned, this was epically _bad, _he was turned on from their chase as well. And he needed to comfort his mate, comfort himself. And he only knew of one way to do that at the moment. He probably needed to check into why she was the only human capable of throwing off demon's powers, reminding him markedly of Sam when he had demon blood in him, but right now, it was his libido that was controlling him. She gasped as he pushed her into the door and began suckling on her neck as his hands ghosted over her.

"Fuck," she moaned as her hands traveled, one to his waist, one to the nape of his neck.

"Need you," he murmured as he hoisted her legs around his waist.

"Dean…ah…uh…we are in public."

He lifted his head and glanced around. The community center wasn't in a very populated area. "No one is around."

"Dean…"

"Please," he murmured against her skin.

She put both her hands on his chest and pushed. "No, Dean. Not now."

He pouted and she laughed as rain dropped off his nose and onto her chest. "You poor baby."

"Don't tease a demon, Ryan. You just might not be glad you did."

She batted her eyelashes playfully at him and pulled his head to hers and kissed his lips. "Dean, Dean, Dean, what am I going to do with you?"

"I know what I want to do with you."

"We do not have time."

"I'll make it quick…"

"Dean," the whining, needy tone of her voice was giving him hope.

"We could do it in the car. This SUV of yours is huge…"

She let out a groan of frustration as he licked the shell of her ear. "Please?" he whispered again.

She whimpered and whispered, "Okay."

He held in the smirk of victory as he opened the back door and ushered her inside. She hiked her eyebrow and pursed her lips at him as he smiled genially.

"You are a bad influence, Mr. Winchester."

"You know it," he replied as he lifted her tank top from her body. He unbuttoned her jeans and she helped him take them off, dragging her panties with them.

Once she was naked, she shook her head as she moved and commanded, "Sit."

"Yes, ma'am," he stated as he climbed in and sat.

She looked up at him and grinned as she unfastened his jeans. Her hand sneaked inside and she smirked. "Why, Mr. Winchester, it looks as though you have a problem. May I be of assistance?"

"Please, Ms. Fawcett, if you would be so kind…"

She chortled as she sank onto him and they both groaned in pleasure. "You're nothing but trouble," she muttered as she began to move.

His hands reached behind her to take off her bra and his mouth found her nipple, causing her to gasp as his hands fastened themselves fully on her hips. "I'm not the human with the demon mojo," he told her into the skin of her breast.

"I do _not _have demon mojo. I just..." She paused as he moved his head to look at her and raised his eyebrow. "Okay. I'm the human with the demon mojo."

He nodded. "I'm pretty sure you are one hundred percent nothing but trouble, Ms. Fawcett."

"I know. You love it."

"I do," he panted as she bent to kiss him again.

He lifted his hips as she rocked on him, building momentum as they found their rhythm. His hand fisted in her hair, pulling her neck back to give him more room to bite, lick, and nip at the sensitive skin there. She let out a growl that went straight to his groin and he whimpered, "Fuck, Ryan," as she continued to move. His hands found her breasts and he licked and sucked at the underside, eliciting the most delicious sounds from her as she began moving faster and faster, pumping on him, bringing them closer and closer to the precipice. It took them no time at all to find their release and she puffed out a breath as she lifted her head once she came down from the high. "Well, that certainly helped with my stress."

"Glad to be of assistance," he murmured into her hair. "You smell even better in the rain."

She chuckled as she reached for her bra, quickly put it on, then grabbed her shirt and slipped it over her head. "That's not at all creepy sounding."

"Hey, I'm a creepy guy," he murmured.

She laughed throatily as she slipped off of him and grasped her underwear. She wiggled into her wet jeans and fastened them before she moved and slid into the driver's seat. She glanced at him in the rearview mirror as she cranked the vehicle. "Thanks for the ride, big boy. Now, let's go get ready for this wedding."

He gave her a salute and laughed. "You're one of a kind, Ryan."

She nodded. "Just the way you like me."

* * *

Dean walked into Ryan's house and peeked into the living room where the two boys were busy playing. "Okay, guys, you're going with me to the bunker while the ladies get ready here."

Both boys shot up. "Really?" they called.

He nodded. "Yep. You two don't wanna hang out with the girls, do you?"

"No way!" Jon shouted.

"The bunker is always way cooler to hang out at," Bobby added.

Dean smiled. "Alright. Grab your bags and I'll take you."

"Are we driving in Mommy's car?" Jon asked.

Dean shook his head. "Nah, I'll just beam us over like on Star Trek."

"Cool!" he shouted before he ran up the stairs.

Dean's gaze traveled over Bobby. "Are you okay with that, Bobby?"

Bobby eyed him uncertainly. "I guess so."

Dean knelt down to his level. "You know, I heard you and your mom talking this morning."

The little boy flushed, but remained quiet.

"It's okay, I get it. We don't know each other. Well, you remember who you think you know, Gabriel, but I'm not exactly that guy anymore."

"You're a demon now," he countered.

Dean nodded and he remembered what Cas had said. "But that isn't the only thing I am."

"If you hurt her, I'll use every bit of angel juice I've got to smite you, even if it kills me."

Dean held in his smile and regarded the little boy seriously. He wouldn't doubt the fact that Gabriel probably _could _kill him. Maybe not wearing an eight year old little boy, but they had always underestimated Gabriel. He saw now where that was a mistake on their parts. Gabriel was a trickster, but he was still an archangel. "I realize that. But she's a grown, human woman. She has to make her own mistakes, and yeah, being with me? Probably the biggest one she'll ever make, but I care about her, I always have."

"Promise me you won't hurt her on purpose." The little boy's voice wavered slightly with emotion.

"I swear it. If I ever hurt her on purpose, you have my full permission to smite me back to Hell where I belong." He held out his hand for Bobby to shake.

The little boy smiled and instead, went in for the hug.

Dean's eyes closed and he felt true tears stinging his eyes as he held his son in his arms. He didn't deserve any of this acceptance, but he had it, and it felt wonderful.

Dean blew out a breath. "Damn it, Jonathan!" he shouted as the naked streak ran past him. Ryan had instructed both boys to shower and have Sam help do something with their wayward mops of hair before they got dressed in their suits.

He heard a giggle and turned in time to see Gabriel wink out of sight. "Fuck," he muttered. "You two better get back here, now!"

"Or what?" the disembodied voice called.

"Or I'll be doing some smiting of my own!"

"You wouldn't!" he heard Gabriel challenge.

Dean's eyes narrowed. He didn't know how powerful they were, but he didn't believe he could hurt them by sending a little power out. "Sure about that, kid?"

"Mom will kill you!"

"Mom's not here," Dean stated coldly. He smirked as his eyes flashed to black. "Come out, come out, wherever you are…"

"Dude, that's just creepy," Sam muttered as he appeared at the door.

Dean flashed his eyes back to normal. "I'm not really going to hurt them."

Sam chuckled. "I know that, but the eyes…they're creepy."

"They don't bother Ryan."

Sam chortled. "You could wear a kilt and eyeliner and it wouldn't bother Ryan, man. Chick loves ya, you know, always has, always will."

Dean blew out a breath, momentarily letting the two boys have their victory. "Am I doing the right thing? Being here?"

"You aren't running, are you?"

"No. I swore I wouldn't. I don't need a group of hunters and angels coming after my ass, trust me. I just…I feel like I'm doing her wrong, man, like, she deserves better."

"Ryan _does _deserve better, Dean. God knows I've tried to get her to see reason…"

"Yeah, I know."

Sam's eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"

Dean shook his head. "Nothing."

"No, it meant something. What?"

Dean sighed. "I know about Nebraska, okay?"

Sam sucked in a breath. "How?"

"Besides the fact she admitted it, I was there."

"You were…"

"I saw the two of you."

"Damn," Sam muttered as he sank onto the bed. "Dean…"

"Did you love her?"

Sam's brows knit. "I _love _her, Dean, yes, like a sister."

"That wasn't what I asked."

Sam was quiet for a moment. "Dean…you have to understand what it was like for us, for me, when you left. Cas told me to go to Ryan's, that I needed to be around family…"

"Family…wait, you knew, about the kids?!"

Sam nodded stoically. "But just from that night, in Sioux Falls, Dean, I swear. Hope looked so much like you, and the timeline fit. I was able to pull enough crap birth certificates and false trails to find out the truth. I knew she had definitely birthed those two kids."

"And you didn't think to maybe tell me?"

"Tell you when, exactly? You were adamant you were going to kill Abaddon or get yourself killed and guess what? You went and did that very thing. Then, when you popped up a demon, guess what? You wouldn't come see me. Then, when you did see me, you tried to get me to drink your blood! So, no, I'm sorry, I didn't have time to tell you that you had a couple of illegitimate kids out there!"

Dean was quiet as he felt the sting of betrayal all over again. His own brother…

"I went to her a broken man, Dean. She glued me back together. Hell, you and I had been together so long, I didn't know who to be without you. When you were in Purgatory, I buried my head in the sand the whole year. Ryan wouldn't take my shit. She showed me how I could be a hunter without you, how I could cultivate what I knew and help other hunters. She fixed me, Dean. And, yeah, maybe…maybe I got comfortable. Maybe I began relying on her too much. But it wasn't…we weren't like that…not until Nebraska."

"What the hell happened, man? She wouldn't tell me anything except she almost broke you and she hates what she did. What am I missing? Tell me?"

Sam shook his head. "Do you know how many years I've gone without thinking about it? How I've tried my damnedest to put it behind me? It was a bad time for both of us, well, worse for me, I guess…"

They were both silent for a moment and Sam began his tale;

"We had been getting reports about women dying in horrible ways. I mean, torture out the wazoo. There were no demon omens, no hearts being ripped out and eaten, no exsanguination, nothing, just…torture. Hope's the one that found the case. She found a link between the victims. They were all cheating on their significant others. It didn't matter if they were gay, straight, married, dating, but they were all cheaters. She figured, with the level of torture the bodies had gone through, we were dealing with something a hell of a lot more powerful than your garden variety monster, so, we didn't want to send the kids out. We had all the kids with us by then, and Hope knew who was doing the killing and it needed to be someone experienced to hunt the thing. So, we left the bunker and the little ones and traveled to Nebraska."

He sucked in a breath. "God, what a mess. We decided we needed more information, decided, too, we needed to flesh out the situation a little bit better. It was Ryan's idea to go in undercover. Instead of FBI, we went in as new people in town. We drove in separate, began working at two different jobs, the whole nine. No one would suspect we came into town on a job. Ryan got a job at the bar and I happened to work down the road at a computer repair shop."

Dean crossed his arms and leaned against the doorjamb. "Yeah, and?"

"And…she started talking about her husband who was overseas in the Army, really built him up, you know? I started coming in for drinks after work. We…flirted, made it look good, really good."

Dean cleared his throat. "I saw her sing to you."

Sam had the grace to look shamefaced. "That was the last night. Ryan made her move, and the demigoddess made hers. She followed us back to Ryan's motel room, knocked me unconscious, dragged Ryan out by her hair, I think, and took her to some old farm. Why do the psychos always go to an old farm? Anyway, Hope knew it was Megara, a chick she knew from her days as Dionysus, but we had to kill her when the time was right. It was a lunar cycle thing. She sacrificed one cheating woman every month, had for months. It was an odd pattern, one that took I'm afraid, quite a few bodies to figure out. I stabbed her and thought I'd killed her. We didn't realize it was only a wrongly accused woman that could wield the bone. Luckily, Ryan truly was wrongly accused." Sam looked up at Dean. "Ryan has never wanted another man, Dean. She only wants you."

"Okay, I get that. You ganked the bitch, boom. Done. But what happened after that? I'm not seeing a lot of psychological scarring here, Sam."

Sam winced. "Yeah, well, we were both riding high on the kill. Adrenaline was pumping, booze started flowing. Ryan can hold her liquor, and she won't get drunk because she's afraid one of the kids will need her, so, I'd gotten in the habit of being the same way. We both got wasted, we both started talking. I don't know, man, it snowballed from there, okay? She realized I was making my move, she was drunker than she realized, and her inhibitions were lower. We…do you want to know all of this?"

Dean's hands were both clenched. "Just spit it out, damn it."

Sam sighed. "Man, honestly, I don't remember all of it. Clothes were flying, hands were everywhere, then she realized what she was doing, _who _she was doing it with. She just…froze. I didn't realize it, I was drunk off my ass. But I realized it about the time she kneed me in the nads and shoved me off her. Looking back, I should have realized, should have known by the look on her face…but of course, I didn't. I was hurt, I was horny…bad combo. We started yelling at each other, name calling, it was bad. I tell you…she's got a razor whit and a barbed tongue. Not that I was any better…" Sam shook his head. "I'm not saying I didn't deserve it, because I did. I crossed the line. But she crossed it, too. Turns out I'd taken things more literal than they were. I'm not excusing my actions, but she shouldn't deny hers in the event, either."

"What happened then?"

"I left. Made it back to the bar where I'd left my bike, by then I was sober, then just hopped on it and left. I didn't even go back to where I'd been staying for any of my gear. She tried calling me. She left me message after message, but I needed to clear my head. I knew what we almost did was wrong, and I'm glad to my toes we didn't take it any further, but I was hurt, man, I was hurt. Cas found me a few days later, checked in, and that became our new method of communication. I bailed on them, Dean. I just…I fucking bailed. I did the same damn thing you do. I left because…hell, I don't know why I left. I came back in time for Bobby's birthday with my tail tucked between my legs. We talked. Then Andy popped up. The rest is history."

Dean let out whistle. "Whoa."

Sam snorted. "You're telling me."

"And you two moved passed it? How?"

"She made me realize we were just both being stupid. Even if I did think about it, and, well, I did think about it, Dean. Ryan's awesome. I'm sorry. I knew she was yours, but I knew she was keeping you at arm's length or further because of the kids and I took advantage of that and for that very reason, I'm ashamed of myself. Not that it mattered anyway, she could never be with anyone but you. Even if you were really dead and gone, I don't think she could move on from it. She's had it bad for you from the get-go, Dean. And I think you have for her."

Dean sank onto the bed and rubbed his face. "No lingering feelings for her?"

"No."

"You seem certain, Sammy."

"I am, Dean. Hell, sue me, okay? We were stuck together raising _your _kids. A guy can get his signals crossed. But when Andy showed up…all that went away. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing."

Dean chortled despite the heaviness in the room. "Ryan said it was interesting watching the two of you."

"It's like I found my other half, my missing piece, like she was just there, waiting for me to show up or something. We pussyfooted around it, then the cupid hit us and that was it."

Dean smiled. "Well, I'm happy for you. I'm sorry I brought all this shit up today."

Sam shook his head. "I'm glad you did. Now it's over and behind us."

Dean glanced at his watch. "Shit! We've got to move! Ryan will kill my ass if I'm late with the boys."

Sam chuckled. "Dude, you're the king of Hell. She got you whipped already?"

"Douche," Dean muttered under his breath. "Boys! Get out here now! We don't want Mom mad at us!"

Both boys reappeared in the hallway, dressed in their dress pants and button down shirts. Dean grinned. "Impressive, little guys! Thanks."

"I don't know how to tie a tie, Daddy," Jon said as he handed Dean the bow tie.

Dean smiled at him. "That's okay, I do."

"Had a lot of practice in Hell, Dean?" Sam quipped as he began tying his own tie.

Dean's grin turned into a smirk. "Nope, but I've got an ace up my sleeve." He called on his power and with a snap of his fingers, tied Jon's tie before tying his own. "See?"

"Neat party trick. Want to help your brother out?"

Dean laughed. "Yeah, I can do that."

It took them only a few moments more to finish getting ready and they hurried down to the bunker's garage where they met Ben and Jesse. Ben tossed Dean a set of keys and he caught them deftly. He looked down at his hand and grinned. The keys to the Impala. With all these human emotions, one more was coming to the surface. He remembered that car, loving that car, almost as much as he loved his brother.

"What do you say, Dean? Care to take her for a spin?"

Dean couldn't keep the smile off his face. "You sure you'll let me drive her?"

"Just this once," Ben told him as he slid into the backseat. Bobby sat in the middle, and Jesse crowded in, too.

"What do you say, Sam? For old time's sake?"

Sam grinned. "Works for me."

Jon slid in between his dad and his uncle, and Dean turned the key. "It's been years since I've driven," he admitted.

"You wreck my baby, I'm going to wreck you," Ben warned from the backseat.

"Now _that _sounds familiar," Sam muttered.

Dean looked in the rearview mirror at Ben and winked before he tore out into the fading sunlight.

* * *

"Jesse's not much of a talker, is he?" Dean asked Ben as they stood in the small tent that was being used as the groom's room, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Ben grinned. "Well, it's not that, it's just, usually, Hope won't let him get a word in edgewise."

Dean chuckled. "Can't begin to imagine where she gets that from," he murmured as he glanced over at Ryan, who was fussing with getting the boutonniere on Sam. She was stunning in a black, floor length satin dress. It had a halter top, too, Dean noticed, and he wondered why she ever felt the need to cover up her arms and shoulders. All that delicious, milky skin showing off her musculature of her arms made his mouth water.

Ben chortled. "Yeah, well, my sister is one of a kind, that much is for sure."

Dean glanced at Ben out of the corner of his eye. "Ryan said it was hard on you, acclimating to this life."

Ben sighed. "It was an adjustment, not going to lie. To be taken from everything you've ever known…"

"How old were you?"

"Almost legal. I was seventeen. Couple of months and I would never have had to come here."

"Do you hate it that much?"

Ben's eyes grew wide as they met Dean's. "No! Of course not! I was just so damned angry…angry at you, angry at Mom, angry at me, angry at life in general. It was my fault we were out that late. I'd snuck out to a party, got drunk, got arrested…I was a shit as a teenager, Dean. Mom did the best she could with me. Anyway, we were coming home in the rain. The road was all but washed away with a flash flood. It was pitch black, we got swept away…I got thrown out of the car when it spun and went down into a ditch. I wasn't wearing my seatbelt because I thought I knew everything and Mom was too tired to deal with my arguing…"

Dean waited with bated breath for Ben to finish.

"The car flipped. The doctors said she was knocked unconscious. She drowned, strapped in the car."

"Ben…I'm…"

Ben held up a hand. "Don't, Dean, just don't. I was so fucking pissed off at everything. I had a broken leg and a busted wrist and a concussion to beat the band, I had pneumonia from the water in the drainage ditch we landed in and I was an orphan for about twenty four hours and then all of a sudden, this woman comes in like a blaze of light, swooping in to take care of me…it was a lot to take in." He smiled a little then. "But then, this little twelve year old girl comes in behind her and I remember her eyes blazing blue and my head felt better. She was just really getting the hang of her powers so she didn't want to try to fix my broken bones, but she did make me feel better. Ryan brought me home and I was so _angry _at everything. She gave me my space."

He chortled. "Hope, however, did not. She was constantly talking, pestering me, making me smile, making me laugh…it was an adjustment going from being an only child to having a sister and two little baby brothers, let me tell you. But I adjusted." He took a breath. "Hope knew stuff about me. I asked her once how she knew and she just shrugged and said she'd heard it through the grapevine. She brought me car magazines and I talked her through how to rebuild a carburetor just because I knew how and slowly but surely, she healed me, not with her angel juice, but with her personality. The rest, well, it just kind of worked itself out."

"Hope's special, huh?"

Ben snorted. "You don't know the half of it. But, yeah, she is." He paused. "Uh, you know it's my fault her and Jess got together, right?"

Dean's eyebrow shot up. "Oh?"

Ben nodded. "Well, she's my kid sister. I've known her since she was twelve. I've got six years on her, so I protect her. When Jesse came into the family, he was wary of everyone and everything. He's skittish. Of course, Hope made him feel right at home, because that's how she is, Ryan, too. Anyway, when we started putting the two against each other, trying out their powers, she always bested him because almost full powered angel trumps half demon every day. She brought Jesse out of his shell. He started joking, playing, it was cool. He's only a year older than me, but he's done so much, seen so much, and she called on her memories from before about places she'd seen. They became friends. The four of us are all friends, you know? But when I saw what was happening, that the two of them were getting close…I saw the writing on the wall, but Jess…he's so damn self-sacrificing…he never wants anything for himself. Finally, I got tired of them mooning over each other. I sort of…set up a fake hunt and had Cas call Ryan and make her bring Jesse with her." Ben laughed out loud. "Even then, he tried to resist, but Hope's a force to be reckoned with."

Dean chortled. "I've noticed."

"She's not a seventeen year old kid. She may look it, but she isn't a child, hasn't been for years now, actually. Trust me, she'd beat his ass he did anything to hurt her. Even Ryan…Ryan told her, if they ended it, for Hope not to hurt Jesse. He's a decent guy. One of the best I know, besides Sam." He paused and sighed. "Jesse's one of my best friends and Hope is my sister. Neither one of them have a fair shake in this world. They have a plan. When she goes upstairs, he's going to join you. Permanently."

"He is?" Dean asked in mock surprise. He hadn't realized Ben and Jesse were close enough that Jesse shared this with him. He was almost glad that Jesse had talked about it with Ben.

Ben nodded. "When he's ready, he'll come talk to you. He's quiet, but when he has something to say, you'll hear it."

"You love them."

Ben nodded. "I love my family, I really do."

"It sounds as though you're happy."

Ben thought a moment and nodded. "I am. I wish Mom were here, because, as weird as it sounds, I think she and Ryan would really get along well together. They're a lot alike. I'm sensing a pattern here, Dean."

Dean chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, let's just say your mom wasn't the only one who had a 'type' once upon a time."

They were both silent for a few moments before Dean said, "I'm sorry, Ben, for everything."

Ben sighed. "Look, Dean, I got over all that shit years ago. Just…it's cool." He moved into Dean's line of vision and looked him in the eye. "I just want one question answered, one I was too chicken shit to ask last night."

Dean swallowed, then nodded. "Okay, shoot."

"Did you love us? Me…and Mom?"

Dean closed his eyes as the onslaught of emotions began anew. "Yes," he answered finally. He had loved them both. Maybe the love he felt for Lisa wasn't as strong as what he had felt for Ryan, but he wouldn't cheapen it. "I really did. I left because I thought it would be best for you. And I stole something from you, I stole your memories, or rather, had Cas do it. I know that's unforgivable."

Ben smiled. "Luckily, Cas knew better than you and only let us lose them for a short time."

"I know now how wrong it was. I was just…you and your mom were so unspoiled, so…innocent to this life, I didn't want it to touch you."

At that, Ben snorted. "It touched me for the first time when I was eight years old, Dean. Don't you think that meant something, then?"

Dean opened his mouth and then shut it as realization dawned. "It did, didn't it? You were always meant to be in this life, weren't you?"

Ben shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. But I'm in it, and I'm great at it."

Dean smiled despite himself. "Of course you are. You've had two awesome teachers."

"Three," Ben commented as his eyes moved and he smiled brilliantly.

Dean followed his line of vision to light on Krissy. He chuckled. "Heard you two were a thing…" At Ben's surprised look, Dean grinned. "Older chick huh?"

Ben blinked and looked at Dean again. "Yeah, well, I don't know if us being a 'thing' is a thing or not. We're having fun, that's all. She's…hell, she's more afraid of having a family than I am."

"Seeing your family murdered can do that to a person," Dean commented quietly. "Krissy had a hard life growing up."

"I know that, but…I don't know, I guess I've come around to Ryan's way of thinking."

"Which is?"

"Life is miserable. Find happiness however you can. Make the world a better place and teach the next generation how to do the same."

Dean nodded. "That sounds like Ryan."

"I met her, you know."

"Yeah, you live with her."

Ben rolled his eyes. "No. Before that. I met her."

Dean blinked. He knew Ryan had met Lisa. Did she talk to Ben too? How long did she stay and chat with them? What was said? What when on? "Ryan?"

Ben nodded. "Remember that time you made us go stay with that Bobby guy?"

"Yeah…?"

"She came in, that same day, probably not two hours after you and Sam left. She said her name was Joan Jett, which, of course, we knew wasn't her real name. We knew she was a hunter right away. She came in covered in blood and mud asking for a shower, a shot of booze and a new spark plug." He grinned. "I thought she was the most beautiful scary woman I'd ever seen."

Dean laughed at that. "She is, Ben. She is."

"Yeah, well, she shut herself in Bobby's office room with him for a few minutes, they talked, she showered, then after she ate, she left in a hurry."

_How many times have our lives intersected? _Dean wondered. Of course, he knew Ryan was friends with Bobby, but the thought she could have been there when he had been…what would have happened if he had seen her that day? What did she think about him being with Ben and Lisa? He didn't want her feelings hurt. He thought about what Gabriel had said to her this morning, about how Dean changed women like he changed his underwear. Well, he wasn't wrong. But he had been respectful. Well, until the demon chicks, but they didn't count, not really. And he had been adamant about making sure he had sex with them in hell, where their souls were the only thing he touched. He couldn't stand the thought of doing to some poor girl what Raeburn had done to Ryan. How could he? That was despicable.

"Did she talk to you?"

Ben nodded. "Briefly. She was cool. She talked to both me and Mom while we all ate."

"Did she mention Hope at the time?"

Ben's brows furrowed as he thought. "Not that I can remember. I was…sort of mesmerized by her. Once she was cleaned up she just looked like a normal woman, you know? But she still had that air of dangerousness to her." He looked at Dean and grinned. "She's hot, Dean. Still is, all these years later."

Dean chuckled and gave him a playful shove on the shoulder. "I know, Ben."

"She instills loyalty, just like you do," Ben commented softly.

"Loyalty?"

Ben nodded. "Don't you see it? People are loyal to you, or were, in any case, because of the type person you were, still are, I think."

"I was never a good person, Ben."

"No, you were always a good person. You just refused to see your own self-worth."

"What are you, Doctor Phil?"

A look of horror crossed Ben's face. "God, I hope not."

The shared a laugh. Just then, Sam came up to them. "It's time, guys."

"Good luck!" Ben stated, punching Sam on the shoulder before he went to find his seat.

Dean followed Sam to stand by his side at the altar. Just then, Castiel popped in, also dressed in a tux. "I'm not late, am I? Apologies, Sam."

"You're fine, Cas. Right on time."

Dean glanced at his brother and his friend. "Who would have ever thought we'd end up here," Dean commented.

Sam smiled. "I'm so glad we did."

Dean had yet to meet the pastor, so it was a shock to him when Charlie sidled up to them to stand at the altar that had been created at the front of the tent. "What's up, bitches?"

"Charlie? What the fuck are you doing?"

"Officiating," she stated with an eye roll. Clearly the "duh" was implied in her tone.

"You're a preacher?"

"I did the thing online, got certified. It seemed like the thing to do."

"We haven't had a chance to talk much."

"After the ceremony," she promised as the music began to play and the doors opened.

Dean blinked in amazement as Tory walked down the aisle wearing a dress identical to Ryan's. Her eyes were all for Cas, though, Dean noticed, as she made her way to the bride's side to stand. Dean's eyes sidled back up the aisle to see Ryan walking towards him and his breath stopped. This should be them, Jesse had been right last night. Suddenly, he began wondering if she'd want that. Would she want to be married to a demon? Would that be the weirdest thing on the planet?

"Breathe, Winchester," she murmured as she walked past, and he wasn't certain if she was talking to him or Sam as both brothers sucked in a breath and blew it out in tandem, earning a small giggle from her. His eyes narrowed at her and she winked at him with a grin.

Then the song changed and everyone stood as Andrea appeared in a pale pink wedding dress. Clearly the chick bucked tradition in a lot of places. She was beautiful, he had to hand it to her, but she had nothing on Ryan.

The ceremony was pretty basic, lots of lovey-dovey proclamations, tears from both Andy and Sam, but then Ryan picked up a microphone that had been positioned behind her. He could tell she was almost in tears as she moved into position. She cleared her throat. "When Andy asked me to sing, I was honored. But that began the long, arduous task of picking a song from the thousands I already love. I searched for days, weeks even. I combed through every genre I love and some I don't. I listened to classic rock, old school country, rock, hip hop, R &amp; B, I even dabbled into bluegrass before I stumbled on this song. Now, it's different. Not exactly what you'd expect from me, but it speaks volumes."

She sniffled and continued; "I remember talking to Sam once. He couldn't understand this whole soul mate thing. And I told him one day he would." She chuckled. "I don't think he believed me. But, as luck would have it, here we stand at his and Andrea's wedding." She turned to Sam. "No one deserves a happily ever after more than you, Sam, and I couldn't have picked a better soul mate for you, and not just because she's one of my best friends." The audience chuckled, as did Sam.

Ryan sobered. "I admit, in the beginning, I was a little concerned. I almost flipped out when a cupid showed up at my door. But, thanks to my mettlesome angel daughter," she winked at Hope, who smiled, "we are gathered here today and I have an awesome little nephew to show for it. I love you all. I didn't…" She sucked in a breath. "I didn't anticipate my own soul mate being here today, and I never really thought I'd get _my _happy ending. But, to my surprise, I have. So…" she turned back to Sam and Andy, "I love you both, but this song isn't really for you, Sam, or you, Andy," she turned her eyes to Dean. "It's for him. Because, well, I do love this song, and everyone knows when a Winchester loves, it's deep, pure, and nothing will stand in the way of that. Our family is unique. We've got demons and angels, werewolves and vampires, but at the core, we're all very much human."

She nodded to Ben, who Dean noticed had sat on a stool next to her, guitar in hand. _I didn't know he played, _flitted through his mind, but then his eyes widened as Ryan began to sing.

_**If I could find assurance to leave you behind**_

_**I know my better half would fade**_

_**And all my doubt is a staircase for you**_

_**Opened out of this maze**_

He could hear the tears in her voice as she all but whispered;

_**The first step is the one you believe in**_

_**The second one might be profound.**_

_**I'll follow you down through the eye of the storm**_

_**Don't worry I'll keep you warm.**_

_**I'll follow you down while we're passing through space**_

_**I don't care if we fall from grace**_

_**I'll follow you down**_

He gasped. It was as if she were telling him that none of that other crap mattered. She didn't want him any other way than how he was. And she was willing to fall with him, if that was what it took.

_**You can have the money and the world**_

_**The angels and the pearls**_

_**Even trademark the color blue**_

_**Just like the tower we never built**_

_**In the shadow of all the guilt**_

_**When the other hand was pointed at you **_

As he listened to her repeat the chorus again he couldn't help but think about how happy his mom would be. She would have loved Ryan, did, he felt sure, for the short time she knew her, but more than that, Mary would have loved this life they'd somehow made. It wasn't perfect, and Dean knew it would have its ups and downs, but this, right here? Pretty damn close to perfection.

…_**to where forever lies**_

_**Without a doubt I'm on your side**_

_**There's nowhere else that I would rather be**_

_**I'm not about to compromise**_

_**Give you up to say goodbye **_

_**I'll guide you through the deep**_

_**I'll keep you close to me**_

The rest of the vows passed in a bit of a blur to Dean as he reeled at how much this woman loved him. He knew there would be times she would drive him crazy, knew, too, that their lives would only be more complicated, but none of it mattered. Not now. Not when she was sneaking him little glances and biting that lip of hers and making him feel like the luckiest creature in existence.

* * *

The service passed in the blink of an eye it seemed, and before he knew it, he was whistling as Sam and his wife turned to walk back down the aisle. That was when he heard a familiar song start up over the speakers and Sam turned around to glare at Ryan as she giggled, winked, and began singing "Shook Me All Night Long," for them to walk out to. Dean wondered if Andy would be mad, but to his surprise, she threw her head back and laughed as she tugged Sam down the aisle. Ryan sung the first verse and chorus as he watched them go and felt a tap on his elbow as Ben took over singing. "Man up, Winchester. It's our turn," Ryan teased gently as she hooked her arm in his.

He smiled at her and escorted her down the aisle. "That was awesome, the song in the middle. Not that this one wasn't epic, but…" he told her as they reached the end of the red satin walkway that served as an aisle.

She giggled. "Ben and I cooked this one up. Sam will kick my ass in the gym next week for payback."

"Do you two spar?"

She smirked. "I beat him up at least once a week."

"Good. So you can…?"

"I'm not some sensitive flower, Dean," she told him. She paused, then, "Thank you," she stated softly. "I'm glad you liked the song. The other one. I meant it."

"So…now what?" he asked uncertainly.

She grinned as Cas and Tory joined them. "Now? We party."

"Bring on the booze!" Tory shouted as she tugged Castiel toward an old beat up VW van.

Ryan was all smiles as she began pulling Dean toward her car. "Come on. Reception time."

"You look beautiful. I didn't get to tell you before," he told her as he escorted her to the driver's side, mindful of the fact she didn't like anyone else driving her car. That much, he remembered.

"Thank you," she stated as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him gently.

He let out a moan as their lips touched and his arms encircled her narrow waist. "You're delicious."

She chuckled and pulled away just as their two boys came running toward the car. "I could say the same about you, Dean. But now, we've got two little monsters to get to the party. Come on, Loki, Taz, let's roll."

Dean's eyebrow rose at the nicknames, but he just smiled as the two boys clamored into the car and began ripping their ties and jackets off.

"Can you two refrain from being completely naked?" Ryan chided as Dean slid into the passenger seat. She cranked the car and turned in her seat to eye the two in the backseat. "You two can at least act like your part human, you know."

"We know, Mama," Bobby began.

"We maybe be monsters, but we ain't savages," Jon finished.

She nodded. "Dang straight, kiddos," she told them. Dean's shock must have shown on his face. "What? It's not so taboo to be a monster anymore. We've all accepted it."

He just glanced from her, to the two little boys who were currently thrumming with excitement. "It doesn't bother you to be called a monster?"

Bobby shook his head. "I've always been Mama's little monster, even before we knew I was an angel and a vampire."

Jon nodded. "Yeah, and I knowed it, too. I's like you, Daddy, like Jesse. It ain't so bad, being a monster, I's got good company."

He glanced at Ryan again, who smiled softly. "Alright, my boys, let's go have some fun!" She gunned the engine, and they tore out into the inky twilight.

* * *

The reception was one hell of a party. He had to hand it to them, they sure knew how to have fun. And the food…well, even though he didn't need to eat, he was almost ashamed to admit how he gorged on the excellent selection. He was on his fifth crab puff when Bela popped up. "Dean, we need you. Now."

He glanced at Ryan, who was wiping barbecue sauce off Jon's ear (they still hadn't managed to figure out how that happened) and then back at his knight. "What is it, Bela?"

"Trouble is brewing. Crowley banded together a few rogues. They managed to make a small army and lead them to his way of thinking."

"Without any of us knowing?"

"He's a crafty bastard," she murmured as Ryan came over.

Her face showed a mask of concern and wariness as she eyed Bela before turning to him. "Dean? What's up?"

"Trouble. I've got to go."

She worried her lip. "Who?"

"Crowley, the utter _douche _thinks he can fuck with me and my kingdom."

Her brows knit. "He didn't…when I talked to him, he said…"

"He's a liar and a son of a bitch, Ryan. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him and the only reason I haven't killed him is because he's good at his job. But not anymore. He's got to go."

She nodded. "Be careful."

"I will." He paused, then added, "Ryan, get some weapons, just in case. I don't think Crowley's stupid enough to come here, to try something, but if word got out I was up here, that Sam's finally happy, anything about Jon…"

She nodded again. "The spell I put on him might not work forever. He might know about Jon, remember something…Jon might be a threat. I understand. I've got this. It isn't like we don't have enough hunters here in case trouble did come."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's your job, sweetheart. It's not like you're an Investment Banker."

"Venture Capitalist," he shot back with a grin.

"Do you even know what that is?" she inquired.

"Ha. Funny."

She smiled and moved to walk to Sam, when Dean grabbed her arm and hauled her to him for a searing kiss. "Stay safe," he demanded roughly as he pulled away.

She shot him a look. "Like I used to tell Bobby Singer; 'Safety is my middle name'."

"No, it's not. It's Elta, after your grandmother."

Her mouth fell open. "How did you know that?!"

He waggled his eyebrows, winked, and disappeared down to Hell. "Give me the situation," he asked Gerald, one of the guards. Gerald was a decent guy, actually, for a demon.

"We've had attacks so far, on a few of the quadrants. Nothing too surprising. We're handling it, sir," the demon stated as they walked toward Dean's office. Dean needed to get something.

"Crowley?" he asked as they broached his office door.

"He hasn't been spotted, but we're on it."

Dean paused as he looked at The First Blade in its glass case; the same Cas had kept the blade in at the bunker before Dean had found he could be around it without hulking out. He fingered the glass delicately before he removed the top and grasped the blade's handle. He felt the influence of it flow through him and he closed his eyes at the onslaught of power that assaulted him. It was a heady feeling, tempting, taunting him toward the evil he knew he could be, if he chose to. He sucked in a breath and blew it out his nose. He centered himself and felt his balance of control return.

"Bela?" he turned to his knight.

She had been watching him carefully. "I've got the front door locked, as it were, and the gate to Purgatory is sealed off and guarded for the time being. Meg is handling some of the cracks…"

"Got them boarded up," Meg replied as she appeared. "So far, we've lost a few demons, but nothing we can't recover from."

Dean loosened his tie. "Is he really this stupid? To try an attack? It doesn't seem his style."

"Word is, he found a backer," Meg began.

"Who?"

"A witch named Rowena," Bela answered. "Some Scottish bitch, apparently."

"Yeah, turns out she was his human mother," Meg added.

Dean's eyebrow rose. "You're shitting me. What's her angle?"

Meg shrugged. "I don't know, but she's hella powerful, Dee. I think we need to approach her with extreme caution. She's using some seriously hard magic. She liquefied Alonzo."

He stopped and stared at her. "Liquefied?"

Meg nodded emphatically. "I've never seen a demon killed that way before. It was gross. I don't think it would work on me or Bela, or you, obviously, but if she attacks with a bomb or something, we're in trouble."

"Great. Just what we need. Why now? Have we found out?"

"He, uh, he left this for you, on your desk," Meg told him as she handed him the note.

He took it and his eyes narrowed as he read; "Squirrel, consider this my resignation. I will no longer be condemned to a hell with the likes of you running the place. Hell used to be a source of pride for me, but no longer. It was fate that led me to finding Rowena and she's shown me what I can be, what I _should _rightfully still be. I know all about your dirty little secret topside. I hope you enjoy Hell, because when I'm through with you, there will be nothing left but you and your knights."

Dean felt his stomach revolt as he muttered, "We have to get back. Now. This was a diversion." He crumbled the paper in his hand and threw it to the ground. "He's going after my family."

Dean popped back into the reception hall to find the chaos had already erupted. Demons were running around everywhere. Luckily, Ryan had done as he'd asked and obviously every hunter there had raided their trunks. Demons were falling, but not quickly enough. It seemed as though Crowley had been quite busy behind Dean's back. He still didn't see the little shit, but that didn't stop Dean from springing into action.

He saw Bela and Meg begin fighting and his lip curled in disgust at the demons that had swarmed the place. He couldn't send out enough power to kill all the demons in the room. That might hurt Jon or Jesse. So this would be one-on-one.

A quick glance showed him the angels in the room were smiting as hard as they could, and he was glad Cas was still here, fighting side-by-side with Hope.

He turned and saw Sam fighting off two demons and a glance at Andy showed her fighting one off as well. He looked around for Steven and found him safely guarded in his car seat by Jesse, who was fighting with his demon powers, backed in a corner to protect himself from a rear attack. Good.

He looked for Ryan and couldn't find her, but then he was attacked from behind by a little demon who Dean smiled at. "Do you really think you punks can win?"

"Crowley promised us a whole planet to destroy."

Dean snapped his fingers and the demon exploded in a puff of smoke. "Too bad he doesn't have as much juice as I do." Another demon attacked him and he popped that one, too. He caught sight of Jon and Bobby working side-by-side, fighting and he smiled at his two boys, kicking ass and taking names.

He saw Krissy and Ben fighting together, too, and it warmed his heart as he made his way to Sam, slicing demons left and right with The First Blade. "Need a hand?" he inquired.

"Where's Ryan?" Sam demanded as he shoved an angel blade into a demon's throat. Dean noticed Andy had Ruby's knife and it would have been comical to see had it not been for the fact her fancy wedding dress was stained with blood.

He looked around as he realized he still hadn't seen her. Worry began to cloud his vision as his eyes moved rapidly about the large space. "I don't…" he began, but then he heard one sound that ripped his heart in two.

"Daddy!" Jon cried.

He turned in time to see a group of demons had surrounded his two youngest. _Oh hell no, _he thought as the whole room began to shake with his anger. He was the fucking _king _of Hell. He bore The Mark of Cain. You didn't fuck with his family. "You've all got some balls, fucking with my family," he yelled, getting the attention of the whole room. You could have heard a pin drop as the fighting stopped. He began to walk toward the center of the room, rolling up the sleeves of his jacket and shirt. He could feel it, the power from the blade, making The Mark burn as it pulsated within him.

"Before, I might have shown leniency because you decided to follow a douche instead of your king. You were punk-ass demons, but I'd have given you the benefit of the doubt. NO MORE. Now just consider yourselves shit stains." He felt the power rising within him and he gripped the blade tighter in his hand. "Hope! Guard Jesse! Gabriel! Do whatever it takes to save your brother! Everyone else, close your eyes!" he roared as the power went out of him.

He heard shrieks throughout the room as each demon was winked out of existence. He stumbled slightly and Meg caught him as he gasped. He'd never used so much power at one time. "Nice one, boss," she murmured as she patted his shoulder.

He felt blood dripping from his nose and from the mark on his arm in surprise, but he assumed it was normal after using up so much of himself. He quickly surveyed the damage. No one was dead, so that was good, but there was definitely a lot of blood in the room. He glanced at Sammy, who was holding Andy and Steven in his arms. "You okay?" he mouthed, and Sam nodded. He then hurried over to where Bobby and Jon were. "Boys?"

Gabriel had covered his younger brother, somehow, and had protected him. They sat up and looked up at him. "We're okay," Bobby breathed. "We're okay."

"Boys!" Dean shouted as he fell to his knees and hugged them tightly. He glanced over at Hope, who was hand-in-hand with Jesse and she smiled at him. She had a few cuts on her, but she, too, seemed to be okay.

He hurriedly looked around for Ryan. "Ryan? Where is Ryan?"

Everyone started shaking their heads and he felt his anger grow. "Crowley. He took her."

"Dean…" Cas began.

He shook his head. "No, Cas. It's my fault. I let that bastard live when I should have killed him. I kept him around for my own amusement. Now he's got to go. I'll destroy his ass before the night is over."

He glanced at Sam, who had walked over. "Go. Get her," Sam told him. "I would kill to go with you, but I know where I need to stay. Go get Ryan, Dean. I've got the boys. We're all safe."

He nodded, but still, he turned to Meg. "Stay here with them. Bela, come with me."

Bela grinned. "Oh, I get to see the former king murdered? Yes and please."

Meg's lower lip pouted out. "Well, at least I get to stay here with my favorite angel and his human…"

"Be nice," Dean commanded. "Or Cas has my permission to cuff you with the demon chains."

"Please," she scoffed. "I know that angel backwards and forwards. He couldn't catch me if he tried."

Dean smirked. "No, but I think his human could give you a run for your money."

Meg eyed the human in question. "You might be right."

"On second thought…"Dean began. "You two switch. I've lost enough people tonight. I don't need anyone else getting knifed."

"That little human can't kill me, Dean," Meg told him.

"I know. But let's not take any chances. Bela's more…diplomatic than you are."

"Damn," Bela muttered. "Well, give Crowley my regards before you poof his arse into nonexistence, yeah?"

Dean nodded.

"Go get Mom, Dad," Bobby told him.

He hugged his boys once more, gave Hope a one-armed hug as he stood, and disappeared, calling Ryan's blood to locate her.

He heard her shouting in between grunts of pain as he materialized in front of a building. It was familiar; Crowley had used it before. It was the same building they'd found him and Cas in when the portal to Purgatory had been opened.

"Nice. Right where Crowley killed me. He gets an A Plus for symmetry," Meg commented dryly as she twirled the angel blade in her hand.

"Well, let's see if he's stupid enough to have the place guarded with hellhounds now."

Meg smirked. "It was quite advantageous of you to befriend the hounds."

Dean shrugged. "It wasn't their fault they dragged me to Hell the first time. They were doing their job. I can respect that."

"How big of you," she replied sourly.

"You won't get away with this!" he heard Ryan shout as he broached the door.

"Of course I will. Squirrel will come, Mum will help me kill him, and then, I shall have you."

"Oh don't make me barf. I don't want any part of you. I'd kill myself first."

"What makes you think that would work, love?" Crowley cooed. Dean's grip on the blade tightened in rage.

"Calm down, Dean-o. I promise, I'll let you kill him. But we've got to make sure we get Ryan out of harm's way, first."

He took a calming breath and nodded as they moved down the hallway and the voices grew louder.

"Speaking of dear old Mummsie, where is she, anyway? She blew out of here like a tornado as soon as we arrived."

"She will be along. She is procuring a few herbs we will need for the spell."

"And what spell is that?"

"The one that will give me The Mark."

Dean heard Ryan gasp. "You want The Mark of Cain?"

"Of course, you stupid quim. If I'm wearing The Mark, then I will be the strongest demon. Then it will be easy to kill you and that little half-breed son of yours."

"No! You leave Jon out of this!"

"No, I don't think I will. He deserves to die. Sins of the father and all that jazz…"

"You're a despicable little worm, Crowley. I should have killed you when I had the chance, instead of putting that spell on you."

"Yes, that was quite a good job, Ryan. I had no idea you were such a skilled spellcrafter."

"I'm not the greatest at it, but when I apply myself, I can be pretty damn productive."

"Yes, you would have made a fine queen. Too bad you must be destroyed."

Dean heard Ryan laughed just as he breached the door. "That's funny. I hope you realize you sealed your fate, Crowley. You listened to Mommy and she left you again, just like she did when you were a child!"

"How did you…"

"I listened, Crowley. I listened and learned. You two bicker like an old married couple, which is gross, by the way, but there it is."

"Shut up!" Crowley roared as he cut another slice into Ryan's chest. She cried out in pain and that was all it took for Dean to dematerialize then pop up behind Crowley and immobilize him.

"You know, I have made a ton of mistakes in my life," Dean whispered into the demon's ear. "I've hurt people I love, not told them I loved them, left them, I've killed people that didn't deserve it, but the one thing I regret the most in my life: not killing you the second I had the chance." Dean walked in front of Crowley and smiled. "I couldn't knife you in the back. I want to, but more than that, I want to see the light go out of your eyes as I jam this blade into your gut, you fucking pig."

"D-Dean…"

Dean shook his head as he gently traced Crowley's jawline and slowly moved the blade down the demon's chest and positioned it right at his stomach. "No excuses, Crowley. See, I agreed to let you live because you swore you'd never hurt Sammy. Now, I realize I didn't amend that to include Ryan immediately after going up there yesterday, so that's on me. But you should have had enough sense to realize how utterly stupid you are. I almost feel sorry for you. I don't, but I almost do." He glanced at Ryan, who was now sitting up since Meg had untied her. She was bleeding from multiple cuts all over her exposed skin. "Did he hurt you?"

"Dean…"

"Did he hurt you!?" Dean shouted.

"N-No. Nothing other than what you see."

Dean nodded and turned back to the demon. "You know what I do to demons who hurt her. Has Raeburn taught you _nothing_?"

"I-I didn't…" Crowley began.

Dean's left hand went to Crowley's throat. "No. No excuses. You'd better be glad all you did was kidnap her and cut her up a little bit. Because if you'd have done anything else to her, had damaged her any other way, I would have let you live, only so I could torture you for the rest of your existence. As it is, consider this your pink slip. You're fired, Crowley." And with that, he jammed The First Blade deep into Crowley's gut.

He watched in satisfaction as the demon glowed a flickering orange for a few moments before he went limp and Dean pulled the blade out at Crowley's dead body fell to the floor. Dean's nose curled as he looked at the demon a moment before he turned to Ryan. "Ryan!"

"Dean!" she cried as she ran to him. He grabbed her in his arms and kissed her gently.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine," she told him as she clung to him. "Cas or Hope can patch me up."

"Why did he…?"

"I don't know."

"And the woman? Rowena? The witch?"

"She escaped. She knew you would come, Dean. I don't know what her play is, but getting Crowley killed was definitely part of it."

"None of that matters now, as long as you're safe. Come on. Let's get you back to the party…"

He began walking and noticed her limping, trying not to cry out in pain. "Ryan?"

"He…I think he broke my ankle. I know my wrist is broken, maybe a few ribs."

"I thought you said he didn't hurt you."

She shrugged. "These are all things I can live with, Dean. He didn't need to be tortured for eternity. Let him die and leave him be."

Dean just nodded. "Okay. If you're sure…"

"I am. Come on, let's go home. I need to see everyone. Are the boys okay? Hope and Krissy? Samy? Andy? Tory?"

"They're fine. They're all kick-ass, Ryan."

She smiled slightly as he bent and scooped her up into his arms. "I know. They're our family. I'm proud of them."

"I'm proud of them all too, and you, as well."

"I love you," she whispered as she put her head on his chest.

He kissed the top of her head. "Love you, too," he murmured against her hair. "I swear, I'll do whatever it takes to keep you all safe."

"I believe you," was her reply.

* * *

**AN2: Sorry to all the Crowley lovers out there...somebody has to be the bad guy and I'm afraid it was him. Until next time...**


	29. Angel with a Shotgun

**Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Supernatural. I just like to pull its characters out and play with them for my own enjoyment. I'm not gaining anything from this work except pleasure. :) **

**AN: Hi, guys! So, looks like everyone is liking the Dean/Ryan dynamic. Good. Because Sam isn't going to be in the story very often now. He was always a fill-in for Dean. He knew it, Ryan knew it. Just wanted to make sure you're all aware. Thanks for all the love last chapter! I hope you enjoy this one!**

* * *

**July Fourth**

**Ryan POV**

Ryan collapsed onto her back and yawned.

Dean chuckled as he leaned over to kiss her. "Am I that boring? Come on, that was some of my best stuff."

She panted out a breath. He wasn't kidding. He may be a demon, but he was a god when it came to giving orgasms. "No, Dean, but I'm human, babe. I'm exhausted."

He smirked. "Well, go back to sleep. I'll look after the little monsters while you rest…"

She smiled and snuggled into his side, giving his chest a kiss. "No can do. Do you know what today is? I've got to get a cake ready for Bobby's birthday."

"How could I forget? It's not every day your son turns nine. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

She bit her lip to keep from crying and laid her head on his chest. "I love you."

He pulled her face up to kiss her lips once more. "Hey, I love you, too, Ryan."

"You know…I could spend like, ten more minutes in bed…" she commented sleepily.

"How about I give you an hour?"

"Okay," she murmured as she felt sleep pulling her under once more. His chuckle was the last thing she heard.

When she woke, four hours later, the house was eerily quiet. Once more, there was a note propped on Dean's pillow. She had to hand it to him, he was thoughtful. She didn't know why she was surprised. Anytime he left, or had to leave, he told her. He was actually more than a little thoughtful. She smirked as she read his messy scrawl across the page;

_Took the monsters to the bunker. Figured they could get some practice time in or something. May detour to the park or something. Took your car. Don't worry, I had some people come clean. So all you gotta do is the cake and since you know what it is, and Bobby wouldn't tell me, I figured you'd have to do that yourself. We'll be home later this afternoon. Don't worry, Sammy can help me if I can't figure out what to do with them. D_

She smiled but then her brows knit. _He had people clean? _She shook her head. She didn't want to know. She stood and threw on an old tee-shirt and denim shorts and made her way to the kitchen. The house _did _smell clean and she couldn't help but notice the toys were all put away in the living room as she peered in. She walked into the kitchen and saw all of her icing ingredients laid out how she had left them and smiled. She'd made the cake the night before. Now all she had to do was decorate. _Okay, let's get to frosting…_

She cranked the tunes and quickly began assembling the chocolate hellhound cake. She couldn't wait to see the look on Dean's face. When Bobby had told her what he wanted, her eyes had widened, but she'd got it. He was being a little aggravating jerk and she loved him regardless. Besides, it was a little funny, she supposed…

The rhythm of icing along with the soft sounds of Creedence in the background eased her as she mused over the past two weeks and all the changes it had wrought. Sam and Andrea had taken Steven with them on their honeymoon, which was to be expected as little as he was, and the older kids had finished up their jobs. When they came back, Ryan had informed them of the regime change and the hunting partners had eagerly switched. She was still apprehensive about it, but she knew, it was going to be best for the couples in the long run, especially Kris and Ben, who would no doubt be hunting after Jesse and Hope went their separate directions. That thought sobered her. Hope was a ticking time bomb. At almost eighteen, she only had seven more years to be on Earth. It was sobering to realize. She put that thought on the back burner and thought about Dean and the boys.

She hated Dean and Hope didn't get a chance to spend much time together, but he was doing really good with the boys. Bobby had really warmed up to him, which was good. And of course, Jon just worshiped the ground Dean walked on. She wasn't sure why their youngest son gravitated to Dean as he did. Was it because he was at that age where he wanted and needed his father? Was it because, unlike Bobby, he didn't have to work through his knowledge of Dean from his past self? Or, were the dark undercurrents of his demon side calling to Dean's? Either way, it was precious and humbling to see.

She was just popping the glowing lights for the eyes into the cake when she heard her car roar into the driveway. She glanced at her work with a critical eye, and deeming it done, began cleaning up the mess she'd made of cocoa powder, black food coloring, and powdered sugar.

"Mom! We're home!"

"Mommy!"

"Ryan?"

"Kitchen!" she called as she turned around to see Bobby's face.

He stopped dead in the door and Jon bumped into his back. His eyes grew wide and he blinked at the chocolate monstrosity she'd constructed. "Mom! It's epic!"

She grinned. "You like it, kid?"

"It's perfect!" he cried as he walked over to look at it.

"Is…is that a hellhound?" Dean inquired, his voice full of incredulity.

Ryan nodded. "At Bobby's insistence. I had to have Sam draw me one since I haven't seen one as a frame of reference."

Dean looked from the cake, to her, to their son before he snorted. "I see he has your sense of humor."

She smirked and bent to kiss the top of Bobby's head. She didn't have to bend far. He was shooting up like a weed. "Yeah, well…what can I say?"

"You did a great job. It looks just like one."

"Cans I see one, Daddy?" Jon asked at the top of his lungs. Ryan cringed at the volume. "Cans I pet a hellhound when I go visit you at work?"

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "Visit…?"

Dean shrugged. "He asked me where I worked. I mean…it's not a secret, is it? I didn't give him any gory details, but…"

She shook her head. "No, it's fine, I just…I didn't think about it. Are you going to take him down there?" she asked on a fearful whisper. She didn't want him going too soon. He didn't need to be exposed to that. Did he?

"No, of course not. Not yet, anyway. He's got time. I just…he was interested. I told him a few things, glorified it, I guess. My job's fairly boring."

At that, she snorted. "You torture souls, Dean."

"Only for fun. Most of the time it's paperwork and crunching numbers. It's boring, actually."

She just looked at him.

"What? It is. I'd much rather be here with you guys."

She smiled as she heard the wistfulness in his voice. "Tell me about your day. We've got a little while before everyone comes over, and then we're going to see the fireworks in town, right?"

The boys quickly launched into telling her how they showed off their powers, how Dean showed them a few simple fighting stances, corrected a few things, praised them…she smiled over at Dean, who returned it. No, their lives weren't normal, but she was the happiest she had ever been. With him with her, the nagging depression she'd felt all her life was barely there.

* * *

**November Seventh **

**Dean POV**

The smells were wafting through the cracks in the walls as he approached the back door. It seemed like every time he came up to see them at home, Ryan had something delicious cooking. Apparently she loved to cook. And with as many people that floated in and out of her house, it was no wonder something was always brewing. But this smell…it smelled like… "Pumpkin pie?" he asked as he opened the door.

Ryan nodded as she pulled it out of the oven. "Hope's favorite. Tomorrow's her birthday. She loves pie. Pumpkin. Lemon Meringue, Chocolate, I make them all for her birthday."

"You got any Cherry in there?" Dean asked as he strode toward the refrigerator.

Ryan grabbed him as he walked past and hooked a finger in his belt loop, pulling him to her. "I thought _I _was your Cherry Pie."

His lips quirked as he moved to trap her against the countertop. He looked down at her. She had a dusting of flour all over her shirt and her hands where she had been rolling out pie crust, and she had a dab of sweat on her brow. She smelled like sin, tasted like heaven, and looked like a goddess. There was no denying she was gorgeous. She had aged, of course, but she looked (and acted) younger than Sam. "You are, babe, you know that."

She bit her lip ad looked up at him from under her lashes. "The boys are at the bunker."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "Charlie's giving them a quiz on ghosts."

"Yeah? And?"

"And they won't be back for at least an hour."

He smirked. "Is that a fact? And how should we fill our time?"

Her hands wrapped around his waist before traveling to his ass and she gave him a squeeze. "I'm sure we could think of something."

He picked her up, wrapped her legs around his waist and her hands traveled to his shoulders. "Fuck yes," he muttered as his mouth traveled to her neck.

He sat her on the countertop and she squealed, "Here?"

"For the opening act."

"How many acts does this play have?" she gasped as his mouth found her nipple through her clothing.

"Two? Three? Hell, I don't know. Let's see how many we can get."

Her head fell back and hit the cabinet as she let out a long moan as her hands fisted in his hair.

"You pull on my hair, it'll end faster," he warned her.

She smirked as one hand moved to his belt. "Pretty damn sure I know how to get your engine running again if this does end for the first time," she teased.

"They talk about me, but you're the evil one, witch."

She laughed throatily as she unfastened his belt and moved to the button on his jeans. He grabbed both her hands in one of his and forced them above her head, against the cabinet. He glanced over at the iPod and narrowed his eyes, turning it on, as Jon had showed him. It was a nifty little trick. He thought of the song he wanted and soon "Cherry Pie" began blaring out of the speakers.

He looked down at Ryan and she smirked. "You're incorrigible."

"You say that like you're surprised," he muttered as he held her in place with his powers and stepped away. "Is this okay?" he asked quickly before he moved any further.

Her mouth formed a smirk. "Bondage, Dean? This is new territory."

"We can stop…"

"No," she purred. "I don't wanna. I know you won't hurt me."

His shoulders dropped in relief as he smiled. He wasn't going to do anything too kinky, but he didn't want her to freak out. Over the past few months they'd begun experimenting a little. Turns out she was game for whatever he threw at her. And he did mean anything. It was humbling to realize how much trust she had in him. He cleared his throat and moved over to one bowl after the other, inspecting their contents. He smiled as he saw the one with leftover cherry filling. "And what do we have here?"

"I made too much…I was going to make cherry tarts for dinner tonight."

He picked up the spoon and sampled it. Delicious. As usual. "Is that a fact?"

She licked her lips as she watched him and he saw her swallowed hard. "Y-Yeah."

He smiled as he grabbed the bowl and walked back over to her. "Well then…I'm sorry. This batch, it's just no good for cherry tarts."

"It isn't?"

His smile turned slightly evil as he picked up the spoon and dribbled a bit on her chest, just above her shirt. A tad bit of the red sauce traveled into her cleavage. It looked like blood on her chest, and he was almost ashamed to admit how much it turned him on. "Yeah," he breathed. "But it's just perfect for Ryan ala mode."

She giggled. "'Ala mode' means ice cream, Dean."

"Shut your cake hole, Ryan, I'm getting to the good stuff," he commanded lightly. He flicked his tongue out to taste the concoction on her skin and he moaned. "Fuck, woman, you taste delicious."

He felt, rather than saw, her break his bonds as her hands moved once more to his shoulders, one playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, the other, lightly scratching his back as she let out a throaty moan. "Dean…" she whined.

He pulled away. "Oh, you think I'm done? I'm just getting started. I'm going to torture you so good you'll be nothing but a puddle of goo when I'm done with you."

"Yes…" she moaned.

He smiled as he dove back into her, licking, biting, sucking…and Ryan wasn't just sitting idly by. He felt her lips and teeth across any skin of his she could reach and both their hands were groping one another's bodies, just teasing, taunting…

"What the fuck?!" they heard.

Dean stopped and groaned into Ryan's shoulder. "Please tell me that isn't Hope."

Ryan chuckled. "It is."

He lifted his head and looked at their daughter, who looked pissed, and Jesse, who at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

"What the fuck, Mom? Dad? Seriously?!" Hope ground out.

Dean's eyes narrowed at her. "You're definitely related to your uncle. Biggest cock block I know."

"Well, excuse me for interrupting your little fuckfest on the damn kitchen counter!" she shouted back at him.

Dean squared his shoulders and after appraising the fact that Ryan's clothes were all, for the most part, in place, as were his, turned to his kid. "Look, we're all adults here. The boys were out. I wanted…"

"I know what you wanted, Dad. And hey, it's Mom's house, so, whatever goes. I just…sorry. I should have called. We weren't supposed to get in until later tonight or tomorrow."

He held up both hands. "No problem. We're glad to see ya, kid."

She smiled at him and he returned it. He felt Ryan jump down from the countertop. "I, uh, I think I need a shower now. I'll be back in a few…"

He watched her go and he couldn't quite help the whine of need escaping his throat. He heard Hope chuckle. "Go on. Jess and I will come back with the boys in an hour."

He eyed her. "You sure?"

She nodded. "You two have a lot of time to make up for. I totally get it. Go on."

"Thanks, Hope. You're the best."

"I know," she told him with a Winchester smirk.

He walked up the stairs with purpose and quickly made his way to Ryan's room. He heard the sound of the shower starting and moved to the bathroom. "They're going to come back in an hour."

Ryan stopped with her shirt halfway off and looked at him. She pulled it the rest of the way off and glared at him. "Did we seriously get caught making out by our daughter?"

"Yes…?"

She stared at him stonily for a moment before she burst into laughter. He joined her and it took a moment for her giggles to subside. "That's one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me."

He smiled at her. She looked so carefree now. Flashes of her sadness flickered in his head, images Cas had given him. He saw how miserable she had been. He couldn't understand it, she had everything he'd ever wanted. But Cas had reminded him, depression was a weird disease. And it was one she'd battled her whole life. Him not being there had certainly contributed to it, but it seemed not even being touched by an angel could keep it at bay forever.

"What?" she asked as she walked to him.

"I'm sorry."

Her brows knit. "For?"

"I wasn't here for you."

She laid a hand on his arm. "Dean…"

"No. I wasn't, and because of me, you haven't been happy."

She sighed. "It's not that simple, sweetheart. Yes, it didn't help matters that you weren't with me, but I've been unhappy most of my life. Depression isn't exactly new for me."

"But me not being here made it worse."

"It was because of me you weren't here in the first place," she admitted. "Besides, I've handled it," she stated adamantly. "I've handled it my whole life."

"Cas should have done a whammy on you."

"Gabriel tried, remember? He made me better for a long time. But then, when I thought I'd never see you, never be with you again, when I thought you were the thing you detested most in the world…I don't know, it got me down, okay? And this…whatever this is in me isn't helping, either. This darkness feeds on my own melancholy and makes it worse."

"There should be a way to fix you."

Her smile was sad as she shrugged. "It's not like a broken bone, hon. I can't be fixed. I realized that a long time ago. And I'm better, now. I'm so much better with you here."

"Promise?" he asked as his voice broke. He hated sounding like a kid. He was a fucking demon for crying out loud. He shouldn't sound like one of their boys.

She nodded as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him gently. "I promise. You're the light at the end of my tunnel, Dean."

"I'm pretty sure that's the hellfire surrounding me, babe."

She chuckled. "Still. I'd rather have that, and you, than to realize I'm still alone in this world."

He wrapped his hands around her waist and looked at her again. She was everything in life to him, everything he wished he'd had as a human. He would have done whatever it took to be with her before. But, he had her now, right? And once the boys grew up, he could live out the rest of his life by her side. That was the main thing, wasn't it? He added up how old they both were and he was shocked to realize they were forty three years old. Damn. Time had flown, hadn't it? "You're the most gorgeous creature I've ever seen."

She smirked. "Is that a fact?"

"Yes."

She licked her lips. "You said Hope went somewhere?"

"Yeah. Said she'd be back in an hour."

"Want to help me wash my back?"

He grinned. "Hell yes."

* * *

"For a demon, you're a slow ass," Ryan commented later as she put in her earrings. She had gotten dressed already, had gone downstairs to put the meatloaf in the oven, put the potatoes on to boil, and had returned to finish getting on makeup and jewelry.

Honestly, Dean often wondered why she even bothered changing out of pajamas if they were staying in, but he didn't comment as he walked out of her closet donning a clean Henley. "Look, it takes time." He grinned. "Besides, I had to do the thing…"

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "You mean the thing you practically begged me for? Sorry, sugar, but you could have skipped that."

He sidled up to her and kissed her neck before his eyes met hers in the mirror. "But you like it when I do it."

She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Of course I do. I love the fact that you care so much about getting me off," she smiled, "multiple times, but still…it can be a bang, babe, and I'd be happy."

"Having a quick fuck is fine, but you know I like taking my time. And besides, you taste better than pie."

She gasped in mock surprised. "You know that's only because you're a demon, right? If you were human, I think your stomach would beat the shit out of you for that statement."

He chuckled and after releasing her, sat down to slip his boots on. "Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it."

Just then, they heard, "Mom? You two decent?" from downstairs.

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah! Be right down!" she shouted back. She glanced at him. "I love you, Dean. Just…wanted to tell you."

He stood and captured her as she made her way to the door. "And I love you, too. I know I don't tell you enough," he admitted.

She shook her head. "It's not your style, sweetheart. And that's cool. I wouldn't want you fawning all over me anyway."

"That's just one of the things I love about you the most," he told her.

She grasped the front of his shirt and pulled him down for another kiss. "Well, good, because I'm too old to change now."

He chortled. "I'm pretty sure at this point, you don't _want _to change. Lucky for me I like you just the way you are."

"Wise words, Winchester."

"Yup. 'Cause that's just how I roll…"

She rolled her eyes. "Please do not say something is just how you roll. For me."

He silenced her with a kiss and stepped away just as he heard two pairs of feet stomping up the steps and a chorus of "Mom! Dad!" was shouted as the door to the bedroom burst open.

Ryan grinned as she accepted a hug and kiss from the two boys. "Did Hopey send you up?"

"Yep! She says to hurry up. She wants to call a family meeting!"

"Sam?" she inquired.

Bobby nodded. "He's on his way."

"Good." She turned to Dean, who was eyeing her. "Occasionally if someone has something important to discuss, they call a family meeting. It's how Sam shared with the kids about him and Andy getting married and the baby."

"And that's how Uncle Cas told us about him and Tory getting married in Vegas," Jon provided. His brow furrowed. "What's a shotgun wedding?"

Ryan paled. "Why?"

"Ucuz that's what Uncle Sam asked if the meeting was about and Hope just kinda turned red."

Ryan's eyes widened as they lit to Dean's. "You don't think…?"

He grimaced. "Only one way to find out."

"Son of a bitch," Ryan muttered under her breath as she turned and marched out of the room.

"Is Mama mad?" Jon wanted to know.

"Nah. She's just eager to find out what's going on."

"Well, let's go!" Jon shouted as he jumped up and Dean caught him before carrying him over his shoulder out the door and down the stairs.

He walked in to find Ryan staring stonily at Hope, who was all smiles. "Hi, Daddy! Glad to see you're…put together."

He glanced at Ryan before he smiled. "Hey, kid. What's up?"

"Oh, not much."

"You're not…" he cleared his throat. "Uh, just ease our minds here, okay?"

She rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. "For God's sake! I'm not knocked up, okay!"

He heard Ryan let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, which he mirrored. "Okay. Good to know. Thanks for keeping us in the know."

"What's 'knocked up' mean?" Jon asked from where he was still dangling over Dean's shoulder.

He glanced at Ryan, who smirked at Hope. "You're the one that opened your big, fat mouth, angel-face. You explain it." And with that, Ryan flounced out of the room.

Hope looked at Dean for help. He sat Jon down on the ground and held up both hands. "Oh no. Not going there, kid. This is your mess. You clean it up."

She stuck her tongue out at him but sighed as she walked over to Jon and sat down, pulling him into her lap. Dean didn't miss the look of mirth on Bobby's face. "You could help your sister, bub," he told the boy. He and Bobby had done the whole 'birds and bees' talk not that long ago. Sam had told him a few things when his memories of Eve had come back to him, but not the gory details. Dean had told him a _lot _more interesting information. The kid was his. He was also Gabriel. He could father a nephilum if he wasn't careful. He'd asked Cas to talk about angel birth control, too, which Dean had found quite interesting as well.

Bobby smirked. "Nah. I like watching her squirm. Always have."

Dean let out a snort as he followed Ryan's scent into the kitchen. "You okay over there?" he asked softly as he watched her bang a few pots around.

"I…yeah, I'm fine."

"Sure about that?"

She put down the saucepan and looked at him. "What could they need to talk about? You don't…you don't think they're breaking up, do you?"

He thought a moment. "Well, considering they're both here together, and the fact Jesse doesn't look like I just massacred his pet, I'd say no."

"Then what is it? I hate not knowing things."

"Dislikes surprises. So noted."

She shot him a look that so resembled their daughter, he almost did a double take. "Damn. I've earned the bitch face from both my girls. Whatever did I do to deserve that?"

"How about being an insufferable jackass?" Sam supplied as he walked in.

"Fuck off, Pee-Wee. I don't recall asking your opinion," he shot back at his brother.

"But you're getting it for free. I'd call that a damn fine deal."

"Listen here, junior…"

"Boys, boys, enough. Go take your pissing contest somewhere else. I need girl time without you two. Go away," Andy stated as she came in carrying Steven on her hip. At seven months, the kid was a cute little stinker. He already looked like the perfect mix of Sam and Andrea. She handed Steven to Dean. "And take him with you."

Dean blinked once, twice, three times, before he looked at the little boy in his arms who smiled up at him and touched the stubble on his uncle's cheek. He hadn't touched Steven before. It wasn't that Andy or Sam had kept the boy away from him, he'd just been terrified evil would ooze out of his pores and contaminate the kid. And God knew they didn't need anyone else changeling demon mojo. A quick glance at Andy showed she had moved on to converse with Ryan, but as he looked at Sam, he knew Sam was realizing what was going through Dean's head and Sam gave his brother an encouraging smile.

Dean focused on the baby once more and smiled, too. "Hey, little guy. So…I guess us men folk gotta get out of the kitchen so the little women can cook…"

"Go fuck yourself, Dean," Andy told him lovingly.

He chuckled. "Why would I do that when I have your best friend to do it for me?"

"Not with talk like that," Ryan shot back as she poured the now-cooked potato/cauliflower mix into the huge stainless steel bowl to begin mashing.

He pouted. He was man enough to admit it, and glanced at the baby again before looking at his brother. "Well, Sam, I know when I'm not wanted. Grab us some beers and we can join the boys and Hope in the living room."

"Just boys," Hope stated as she rounded the corner. "And just FYI, I told Jon you'd explain to him the birds and bees stuff."

"Thanks, kid," Dean groused playfully.

Hope smirked and winked. "My pleasure." She tickled Steven's neck, making him giggle, before she walked over to help her mom and aunt with dinner.

Mention for the reasoning behind the meeting after dinner weren't discussed as everyone tucked in to meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and dinner rolls. Conversation didn't lag as monsters and hunts were briefly discussed and Men of Letters business was conducted by Sam and Ryan. Dean listened with half an ear as he glanced around the table. Everything was so damn normal. Of course, there were two angels, two cambions, and a full-fledged demon at the table, but who was counting, right?

"Is Ben coming in?" Hope asked before she forked in a huge bite of pumpkin pie. (Ryan had decided to cut it when Hope promised to help her make more the next day.)

"Tomorrow," Ryan replied as she attempted to wipe the ketchup from Jon's forehead. "Johnny-Cake, sit still for two seconds."

The boy was practically vibrating. "But, Mama…the pie…"

"You'll get chocolate pie in a few minutes," she chastised as she wiped. Finally she sighed. "Go. Have Bobby cut you a slice."

"Yay!" he shouted as he ran off.

Ryan sighed tiredly and glanced at her daughter. "Kris called this morning. They got held up in Fort Worth on a side job. She didn't elaborate and I didn't ask questions."

"What the hell they doing in Texas?"

Ryan shrugged. "They headed to San Antonio on a possible Tulpa case."

"Do Texans not have anything else better to do than screw around with weird symbols?" Dean wondered aloud.

Sam chuckled. "Well, let's hope they don't run into anybody trying to make a dime on the internet like we did."

Dean smiled as he remembered those idiot Ghostfacers. He wondered what happened to them. The last time they saw them, the two had ceased their friendship. He was glad that finally, it seemed like he and Sam were back on the same page, even if they weren't the same species.

It wasn't the same, since Sam didn't hunt and neither did he, but their fractured relationship was slowly mending, thanks mostly to Ryan. He grabbed her hand where she was sitting next to him and gave it a squeeze. She glanced at him and winked.

"So," Ryan began as she twirled her fork around in the air. "What's up?"

Hope and Jesse exchanged a look, a shrug, and a set of narrowed eyes before Hope blurted out, "We want to get married."

The whole table was silent a moment. Finally, Bobby, how had snuck in with what looked like half the chocolate pie on his plate, said, "Cool! Now you'll be my brother for real, Jess."

Jesse smiled but he looked at Ryan. "Ryan…"

Dean glanced at her. She looked like she was processing, but more than that, she looked like she was about to cry. "Ryan?"

She bit her lip as a tear spilled down her cheek. "Wh-when?"

Hope glanced at Dean, showing her concern as well, before she responded; "We were thinking New Years Eve. What better way to ring in the New Year, you know?"

Ryan cleared her throat. "I assume you already told your brother?"

Hope nodded. "Ben called me yesterday, said he wouldn't make it on my birthday. I just…I wanted to tell you all together, but since it's such a rarity…"

Ryan blinked, gave the couple a small smile, and said, "Okay then. Looks like we've got a lot of preparations to make. What kind of dress would you like?"

"That's it?" Hope asked, surprise coloring her tone. "None of the whole 'you're a difference species, you're going to be separated in seven years, this isn't a forever sort of thing, get your head out of your asses'?"

Ryan shrugged. "You're your own person, Hope. You know what you're doing and you know what's right for you and Jesse. If this is right for you both, if it makes you both happy…"

"It does," Jesse stated softly as he grabbed Hope's hand on the table.

Ryan swallowed and nodded. "Okay then. So, it will be after Christmas…we could use poinsettias to decorate. Where would you like the ceremony? Who all would you like to invite? I'm assuming you'd like it to be smaller than Sam and Andrea's, we'll have to discuss what kind of cake. Jesse, you'll want Ben as your best man, surely, and Hope, Kris will definitely be your maid of honor…" Ryan stood and Hope followed along behind her as she began talking about color schemes and cake designs. Andy grinned and followed after them.

Dean looked at the men sitting with him at the table. Jesse looked amused, Sam looked shocked, Steven was dozing in his high chair and the two little boys were attacking their pies like they would eat _them _if they didn't hurry up. Dean cleared his throat. "Well…I guess this calls for a celebration, Jess. And I've got two words for you; Bachelor Party."

* * *

Later that night, after Hope and Jesse left to head to the bunker, Sam had taken his little family home, and the boys were tucked into bed, Dean glanced over at Ryan who was reading, propped up against the headboard. He liked how they'd somehow slipped into domesticated monotony. Of course, he still had to go downstairs more often than not, but he liked to be there when she was getting ready for bed. It was usually their alone time, whether it involved sex or not. He wasn't ashamed to admit he liked cuddling with her. But her behavior tonight had worried him. Hope had even asked him to talk to her, to make sure she was okay with everything. "Are you alright?" he asked finally.

"I'm processing."

"You've been processing. Although, you dove right into wedding plans easily enough."

She shrugged and didn't look up from the book she was reading. "Ryan…"

She glanced up then. "What? What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I really, truly don't know."

She shrugged again. "Neither do I. It doesn't make sense and yet, it makes perfect sense. Let them live their lives. They only have seven years. If being tied to one another this way makes them happy, I say they go for it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Huh," he commented. He glanced at the Guns &amp; Ammo in his hand. He didn't need a gun anymore thanks to The Mark and the First Blade, but he liked keeping up on the newest in weaponry. He thought a moment and then dropped the magazine to the floor, pulled her battered copy of works by Edgar Allen Poe out of her hand and tossed it behind him as he trapped her to the bed. "Talk."

She glared up at him a moment before he saw tears sparkling in her eyes. "I'm just…she's grown, Dean."

He sat back on his heels. "Yeah? And?"

She took a stuttering breath and wiped away a tear angrily. "She's grown. I just…I didn't expect to have kids, then Gabriel came along with the deal of the century. Fine. I could handle that. Her first steps, her first day of Kindergarten, I thought 'okay, I can do this.' Then once Sam and Cas came to me and the whole truth came out, I realized…nothing I ever had or ever would have was normal. And that was okay," she added quickly. "That was completely fine. But…I just…I kinda gave up on the notion of any of our kids getting married. I didn't figure it into any futures I foresaw. And now…she's getting _married _and I just…" She shrugged. "I don't know how I feel, okay? I'm not angry, I'm not upset, I'm…happy? I think? I mean, I don't know. I'm confused, alright? I'm confused and I want to be so happy for her and I am, but even now I know they're not getting a fair shake. They're not getting anything normal. Both of them are playing at being humans and it just hurts me, you know? I just want them to be normal humans that are jumping into this and I know they won't be and there won't be grandbabies on my lap and there won't be lemonade on the porch in the rocking chairs and I'm just…I'm facing my mortality here, alright?"

"But…you're with me, Ryan. Even Cas said he's going to keep you around a while longer. I mean, if a hunt goes awry or you get sick or something…"

"I don't want to be used like some kind of bargaining chip, Dean," she snapped. "I want to be human. I want _you _to be human. I want our _kids _to be human and we aren't!" She started sobbing softly. "We aren't. And everything I've ever thought I've known has been turned on his head and I've accepted it. So I don't know why something as normal as a damn wedding is throwing me off my groove but it is and I just. Need. To. Process. Okay?"

He swallowed hard and blinked even as his jaw ticked. "I get it, Ryan."

"Do you? Because the look on your face suggests otherwise."

"I do. It makes perfect sense. I mean, it's not like it's anything new. I'm just not good enough."

She threw her head back in exasperation and threw her arms up in the air. "Of course, this whole spiel as I'm laying out my heart on a fucking silver platter and all you think about is yourself."

He felt his anger building. "Me? Our daughter just came home and told us she's getting married and you're feeling sorry for yourself! Damn it, Ryan, get your head out of your ass. Your life's not a fairy tail. Boo-hoo, peaches. Boo-fucking-hoo."

He anticipated the slap, but her actually tossing him from the bed with a burst of power shocked him as he wound up on his ass. He was up in a flash and to his surprise, she was, too. "Ryan, calm down."

"No."

"Ryan…" he warned.

Her eyes narrowed and she curled a hand, choking him without touching him.

"Fuck," he muttered as he threw off the feeling and pushed her back onto the bed. She broke the hold in almost an instant and flipped to a standing position by the window.

"You don't want to do this," he implored.

"Yes. I do." Her eyes narrowed and she smirked. "Come on. Afraid you'll hurt me?" Her smile grew. "Or are you afraid I'll hurt you?"

"You're still a human, Ryan, even if you do have some mojo."

She pushed a bit of that mojo back out at him and he felt himself being pushed against the wall. "Don't fuck with me, Dean. I can kick your ass."

At that, he smiled. "You wanna see? Really? You wanna play this game, Ryan?"

"Damn straight."

He disappeared and reappeared by her side, grabbed her wrist, and instantly they were in the training room of the bunker. "Hope! Go watch the kids. Now," he demanded, his voice booming through the quiet space. He heard her and Jesse both disappear and he smiled as he released Ryan and began circling. She did the same. "We're really doing this?"

"Do your worst, Winchester. I've lived through it already."

He felt his heart drop as he remembered her telling him of the djinn nightmare, how he'd raped and mutilated her and he hated it. He stopped. "No."

Her tone was all surprise. "No?"

"No. No sex, Ryan. I'm not going to play into any of your weird shit where you blame me for everything that's ever happened to you. You want to show off your powers, fine. You want to blow off steam? I'm your guy. But no sex."

Her smile grew and he almost swore he saw her eyes flash black, but it must have either been a trick of the light, or her pupils were just so blown he could barely see the brown. "Challenge accepted."

He wanted to ask what she meant, but in that instant, he felt her attacking him, not just with powers, but bodily as well and he had to parry her blow.

She was good. She was in some of the best physical shape he felt sure she'd ever been in, and the demon powers were strong, hella strong, and they worried him even as he held her off. He could beat her, easily. He was, after all, the King of Hell. That, coupled with being the only person alive bearing The Mark and being pretty damn unkillable, he knew he could put a stop to this. But he understood he needed to let her get this…whatever it was, out of her system. So, he bided his time, letting her beat up on him time and again, until her knuckles were raw and she was panting like a dog. But still, she pressed on, and he wondered if she would go until she simply killed herself. He wouldn't let it get that far, but she wasn't showing signs of stopping, either. That was when she started getting ugly. Her powers were growing. He could feel it. And it scared the shit out of him. He wasn't sure how, and he wasn't sure why, all he knew was he had to put a stop to it. Now.

"Stop," he commanded lightly. Still, she pressed on, darting in, landing a blow, then dancing away.

"I mean it."

She didn't stop.

"Damn it," he growled as he continued to be battered by her. Finally, he sent out a surge, not one that would kill her, but one she couldn't break if she tried. He'd only used it a handful of times. "NO," he bellowed.

Her eyes narrowed and this time, they did flash black as she beat off his power. His own eyes widened as she roared and lunged for him. They flipped ass over teakettle once, twice, three times, before he finally had her pinned beneath him and he felt the sickening snap of her arm and shoulder. But she didn't cry out, instead, she snarled as the beast within her took over and he reacted before he thought, punching her in the face, knocking her unconscious.

"Cas!" Dean yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Dean, to what do I…" Cas paled as he saw Dean holding Ryan's limp form down. "What happened?"

"I…I don't know, man. She was fine, then she was upset, then she was pissed, now she's…this. I had to knock her out. She was uncontrollable."

Cas took a deep breath. "Take her to the infirmary. Now. I'll grab the demon chains."

"Did she…is she…did I do this?"

"She's been turning, Dean. Why else do you think I've been pumping her full of my blood?"

Dean didn't have a response for that as he picked her up and his arms were like steel bands around her in case she woke as he carried her to the infirmary. Cas met him there and they quickly chained her to the bed. "Now what?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "She's pretty far gone. What happened?"

"I…I don't know," he repeated. "I mean, she's been fine."

"Has she been hunting lately? Using her powers any?"

Dean felt his stomach drop. "Yeah, uh, well, about that…"

"Dean…"

""We were just fooling around with them, you know, in the bedroom…"

He saw the angel's lip curl in disgust but Cas wisely chose to remain silent. He did, however, caution; "It would behoove you to stop those practices. Every time she uses the demon powers, it takes more of my blood, longer for the cure to work, and it becomes less effective. This isn't something to play around with."

Dean watched as Cas removed his trench coat, rolled up his sleeves, and plunged a needle into his arm. He filled the syringe and glanced at it as he removed it. "I fear my blood will cease to work, Dean."

"What then?"

Cas shook his head. "I do not know. This was a shot in the dark in the first place." He sighed haggardly. "Also, with her soul mate and her son both having demon blood as well as demon twisted souls within them, the chances of her staying human grow slimmer with each passing bout of demonism."

"She's not going to get fixed, is she?" Dean inquired softly.

Cas looked up at him over her still body and he shook his head. "Maybe when Jon grows old enough to take the mark and maybe when you become human again, but, I do not know. It is, as she would say, a crapshoot."

"You don't know? You've been playing with her fucking _soul _and you don't know?!"

Cas winced. "Dean, what would you have me do? Let her become a demon so she can release Lucifer from his cage?"

"Of course not! But there should be…"

"We tried, Dean. Just as I tried to find a cure for you, all those years ago. I am not incompetent, you know."

Dean's lip quirked. "I never said you were, Cas."

The angel glared at him. "Occasionally I believe you think so."

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I just…this is on me, okay? Every fucking thing is. But this…her being this…it's because of me. If I hadn't been around her, I wouldn't have knocked her up with a demon kid. If I had just walked away…if I had just…"

"You would deny your brother the home he has had for the past six years? You would wish your son had never been born? I am surprised at you, Dean."

"That's not…I didn't…" he sighed out a breath. "I don't know what the fuck to do. She told me she's planning on doing the vamp thing if these treatments stop working."

Castiel's hands stopped as they moved to her arm. It was the first time Dean noticed the fact she was only in her little tank top and underwear she usually slept in. "I am surprised she told you," Cas admitted softly.

"She didn't elaborate."

"You wish to know if I would do it?"

"No. I know you'd do it. You'd have smited me if I asked you to."

"No, I do not believe I would have been strong enough for that, Dean. I care for you and Sam quite a bit."

"Not enough to let us fuck up the world. Again."

Cas chuckled a bit at that before he sobered. "Well, I have to admit, I am not quite as close with Ryan as I am you and Sam, but still, it would vex me greatly to be the reason for her demise."

Dean looked at the woman he loved and brushed a stray curl from her forehead. Her hair was a mess due to their fight and it was a mass of tangles and snares. "Do you think that would work? Turning her into a vampire and sending her soul to purgatory?"

Cas paused with the needle against her flesh. "Honestly?" he paused as he slid it into her arm and Dean could just barely see her vein glow blue as the angel blood mixed with her own. "I do not know what to think anymore. I sometimes wonder if every damn thing we have done has been for naught. Occasionally I feel like we are trying to swim against a tsunami."

"You don't think there'll actually be peace when Jon takes over Hell, do you?"

Cas sighed as Ryan began thrashing slightly as she woke and the blood burned through her. "I don't think any of us will live that long," Cas stated gravely.

* * *

**Ryan POV**

She awoke to find sunlight streaming through her window. She blinked against the harsh winter light and glanced over at the clock. _Shit! I'm late! _She made to jump up, but movement caught her eye and she saw Dean propped up against the closet door. "Dean?"

"'Morning."

She looked him over. He looked as though he had gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson or maybe The Hulk even. The thought made her want to giggle, though he didn't look to be in a playful sort of mood. "Uh…good morning. Were you watching me sleep?"

"All night long."

She sat up in bed. "Because that's not creepy…"

He sighed and walked toward the bed. He sat and looked at her."Ryan…what do you remember about last night?"

She blinked and shrugged. "Uh…Hope and Jesse are getting married?"

"And?"

Her eyes widened. "She's not knocked up, is she?"

At that, he chuckled. "No. She's not. But after that…after we got the boys to bed?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…we went to bed? I fell asleep? I had the weirdest dream…" It was coming back to her in bits and pieces, anger, she was so angry…anger that didn't belong to her. And she and Dean, fighting. It would have been sexy, the two of them sparring, had it not been for all the anger. She felt the raw black power oozing through her, coloring her vision the color of blood… She paled. "It wasn't a dream, was it?" she whispered as she fingered the healing bruises on his face. She had done that. She was becoming a monster, just as she had feared.

He shook his head.

"Am I a…?" She couldn't form the word. It was one thing to love a demon, another to have a son that was half of one, but to be one herself…the thought nauseated her.

"No. I had Cas come and juice you. But, Ryan…this is some serious shit."

She sighed as she threw off the covers and stood. "I know that, Dean." She walked over to the bureau and grabbed a pair of jeans and a thermal shirt out of her drawer. "I know it's not something to play with."

"Then why are we playing with it?" he demanded.

Her hand stilled over her sock drawer and she turned to him. "I just…it was something we both shared, okay? Do you even realize how _different _we are from each other now?"

"And so, what? You want to be a demon now?" His eyes flashed black. "Wanna be just like me?"

"Of course not!" She closed her eyes a moment in thought. When she opened them, she could almost see hurt on his face. "Dean, I don't want to be a demon, no more than you do. You have to be. I accept that. It's fine."

"Last night…the things you said, Ryan…"

She thought back on the conversation that she now realized wasn't a dream and winced. "Not my finest moment, babe."

"Forget that. You want…"

"…I want what I can't have," she finished with a self depreciating smile. "And it's okay, Dean. I don't care. I mean, sure, I'd love to do the whole 'normal' thing, but, hell, I'm a hunter anyway. Normal went out the window the first time I made the decision to go on a hunt. After that, it was a domino effect. I could have stopped, I could have chose not to do this. I could have easily have said 'no' to Gabriel. But I didn't. And I don't regret it. I love our lives. So much. I really do."

"But?" he prompted.

She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I did you so damn wrong, Dean. And now you've missed so much. I saw you, last night, holding Steven. You wanted that and I denied you. And now I can't take it back." She crumpled to the bed and began to sob. "I can't take it back."

She felt his arm wrap around her and they both laid crossways on the bed. He hugged her tightly until her sobs subsided and kissed her tenderly. "Hey, let's pretend."

She smiled despite the hurt in her heart. "What?"

He smiled. "Come on. Hope told me about how when it was too cloudy and rainy to go outside, you would lie on the floor in her room and pretend you were cloud watching. You'd look into the clouds and see shapes in them, right?"

Her brow quirked. "Yeah. So?"

"So, let's play a different game."

She nodded. "Okay. What?"

He lay on his back and she snuggled into his side. "Okay, so, let's go back…not far enough to screw with this whole prophecy crap, but let's just say we go back to that day, the day I died."

"Morbid, but alright," she conceded.

"What if Sam knew I'd turn and he stopped it. What then?"

She blinked. "Dean…"

"Just pretend, Ryan. Like we're kids again."

She blew out a breath as she let her imagination run wild. "Sam saves you, you don't become a demon?"

"Yeah."

"But you still have The Mark."

"Forget that. Say we find a way to get rid of it."

She shook her head. "But Jon needs it."

"We give it back to Cain with the provision he gives it to Jon."

She bit her lip. "Oh-okay. So…you get rid of The Mark and you're human again. You leave Cain's place…Sam says he's got something to tell you. He sits you down, tells you about me, about the kids."

She felt him gasp, but he swallowed and nodded. "Okay. So, he tells me. At first, I'm pissed. How dare you lie to me the whole time I've known you? But then, I realize, I just dodged the biggest fucking bullet of my life. I'm alive. I'm not a monster. I'm just…me. And I begin to wonder, do I want a life with you? Do I want to know my kids? Do I want to do right by them? And I decide I do. I saw you in South Dakota, Ryan. You wanted me. Broken, damaged, poison me, just as much as I wanted you, didn't you?"

"Yes," she whispered as tears streamed down her face. "Yes, I did."

He nodded. "So, I'd sack up and I'd drive to Sioux Falls. It would be probably July by then…"

"Sam came the day before Bobby's birthday. I was decorating his cake."

At that, he smiled. "I show up at your door while you're wearing a cute little apron covered in chocolate. Am I wrong?"

She chuckled. "You hit the nail on the head."

"Okay, so, I pop in for Bobby's birthday. We talk. You tell me everything, I come clean about loving you. What happens next?"

She bit her lip. "I have to admit you knocked me up again. But I won't know about this whole demon/angel/vampire kids thing we've got going."

"Okay, so, we'll find that out later. Together. What happens next?"

She thought back to that day, the depression she'd felt at thinking he was dead, seeing Sam there, alone, how it caused her to faint dead away in horror…she shook her head. "You stay. You stay for Bobby's birthday the next day. I was home alone with him. Hope was with Jody and Alex." She smiled. "It would have been close to Bobby's naptime. He didn't have a nap that day, I don't think, but we could put him to bed."

His eyebrow rose. "You're thinking naughty over there, Fawcett."

"I can't help it. Those pregnancy hormones were flowing through me. And if I saw you again, I wouldn't be able to help but to jump your bones."

He cleared his throat and she noticed him adjust himself rather obviously. "What next?"

She held in the laugh at his predicament. "We'd celebrate Bobby's birthday at the lake the next day, then, we'd talk about our future."

"We'd have a future?"

"Hell yes, we'd have a future. I would decide I wanted to move down here, so we could work out of the bunker, and you and Sam would hunt, if you had to, until Jon was born. Then, once I was ready, you and I would hunt together."

"We would?"

"Only if you wanted to," she answered quickly. She would have loved to hunt with him. But it would have to have been his decision, in the end. "I mean, Sam's your partner, but…he loves being a Man of Letters. He loves the research and the networking. We're hunters. He's…he's a hunter, but he's more, you know?"

Dean smiled at that. "Yeah, you're right. So? Then what?"

She shrugged. "Then, life unfolds, just like it has here. Krissy, Ben, Jesse, they join us. Tory…Andy…" she couldn't hold the excitement out of her tone as she added, "If I made amends with Andy earlier, she and Sam…"

His smile grew as he reached over to kiss her. "Here we are talking about our love story and you're worried about Sammy's."

"I love your brother, Dean. He's a big part of this family, too. And he's sweet. I want to look after him, protect him…"

"Yeah, the big moose does make you want to take care of him, doesn't he?"

She chuckled but then she sobered as she said, "I'm sorry none of that will come to pass."

"I'm sorry I wasn't looking after you better," he told her. "But from now on, no demon mojo, okay?"

"It's not like I can turn it on and off," she reminded him.

"But I can help you not channel it."

She nodded. "Fine." She let out a yawn.

"You still tired?"

"The angel blood makes me exhausted."

"Sleep some more. The boys were playing earlier. I told them we could take the day off since it's Hope's birthday."

She nodded. "Oh! You didn't…you didn't tell Hope about that, did you?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I figured you wouldn't want her to know you vamped out on the night you learned of their engagement. I, uh, might have told them we got freaky in the training room instead…"

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Thanks."

He shrugged. "No biggie. Go ahead and rest a little while longer." He stood and walked to the door.

She maneuvered herself around in the bed until she was back under the covers and let out a little whimper.

"What?" he asked as his hand grabbed for the door handle.

"You know what would help me sleep really well?"

"What? You name it."

"An orgasm."

He looked at her and laughed. "Sleep. Orgasms tonight."

"Promises, promises," she glumly replied. She could still hear his laughter as he closed the door.

* * *

**December Twenty Fourth **

**Dean POV**

He wasn't sure why he was surprised when he popped topside into chaos. Wasn't that Ryan's life? But this was a whole other level of confusion. "What's going on?" he asked Sam as he walked into the house.

Sam passed Steven off to his brother and muttered, "It's Christmas Eve, dude."

"So…?"

"Big ass production. Every year, I swear it gets bigger and bigger. The first year? Man, it was just me, Ryan, the three kids, and Krissy. By the next year, we'd added Ben, Jesse, and Tory. Now that Charlie and Claire are in the picture, it's huge. And fun. Lots of fun. But we decorate cookies and Ryan has the little ones do crafts and it's just a big, long, fun day."

Dean's eyes widened as he took in the mass of people in Ryan's house. "Dean! Just the man I was looking for!" Ryan gushed as she walked over and kissed his cheek. "It's time for handprints!"

Groans could be heard through the room and Ryan narrowed her eyes at the kids. "You know, you could let me have my fun once a year."

"Of course, Mom," Hope stated with a smile. "Are we going by age again?"

"Yes, which means it's Steven's turn! You're first, big man!" Ryan cooed as she tickled his bare feet in Dean's arms.

"What's up with the handprints?" Dean asked Hope as Sam took Steven back and walked over to Andy who Dean could now see was mixing paint with something.

"Oh, Mom started the tradition with me. She has this plain white quilted tree skirt and we paint our hand and stick it on the tree skirt each year. Once Bobby and Jon came along, our tree skirt got more interesting with the different sizes of hands but it's really cute. Come see…" She tugged Dean's hand and pulled him into the dining room where the tree skirt was draped across two chairs. "See? This is the first year, my first, lonely handprint, and then it goes up until Bobby joined us, then Jon. Look at how messy his first one was! He was only two months old when we did that one, so he just kind of balled his fist…"

Dean's fingertips brushed the painted prints of his kids and swallowed a lump in his throat. "This is cool."

"Yeah, Mom's really proud of it. This is my last year." She began walking towards the kitchen and Dean followed her. "She decided once you turn eighteen, you're done growing. She wanted Ben to be on it, but he would never do it. I think he felt uncomfortable with it." She smiled. "Of course, we've gotten him in all the other traditions, isn't that right, Peanut Butter Boy?"

"Hey!" Ben called out indignantly from where he was standing guard over the mixer. "Just because I'm superior at making Ohio Buckeyes doesn't mean you have to call me Peanut Butter Boy."

"But I do so enjoy it," Hope told him, mirth filling her voice.

Dean's brows furrowed as he glanced at the bowl on the stand mixer. "That's your mom's recipe," he stated.

Ben glanced at Dean sadly and nodded. "Yeah. One of our Christmas traditions. Each time one of us would join the family, Ryan made sure to ask if we had any traditions we wanted to merge. I was the only one that did."

"And they're delicious, too!" Hope exclaimed as she made to stick her finger in the mixer. Ben slapped her hand away and her lower lip poked out in a pout.

"Ryan did right by all of you, didn't she?" Dean asked softly.

"She's the best," Ben stated simply.

Dean couldn't argue with that.

The chaos and fun didn't end there. After the handprints, which Dean was glad he got to help with, they moved on to ball the buckeyes and dip them in chocolate, then, they decorated sugar cookies, then they had a piñata full of candy they hit in the back yard, which was quite fun because none of the kids were allowed to use their powers. But the joy on Bobby's face when he was the one that hit it and it broke…Dean smiled.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ryan asked softly as she sipped on her eggnog. They'd just finished the most awesome turkey dinner in existence and now the adults were all sitting down so the kids could open presents. Of course, even though there was a mountain of gifts, "Santa" would be coming later that night. Jon was still in the dark about the whole thing, so everyone was keeping him as innocent as they could, for a little while longer, at least.

He shrugged as he sipped his whiskey. "Just enjoying the moment. This…this is unbelievable. I've never been a part of something like this."

Sadness passed in her eyes but before she could apologize or do anything else, he leaned down and kissed her lips.

"It's a little different than how we used to celebrate Christmas, isn't it, Dean?" Sam mused from where he was bouncing Steven on his lap.

Dean smiled. He wondered if Sam ever let Andy handle the kid. Every time he saw them, Sam was holding the baby, feeding the baby, playing with him. It was…sweet. This was everything Sam ever wanted; normal. Well, normal was relative, wasn't it? He mused about what Sam said as he thought back. They didn't really celebrate Christmas, it just wasn't anything they ever really did. It wasn't a production, anyway. Normally they didn't give each other more than a "Merry Christmas, Bro" or forget about the day altogether. But that Christmas, the last one they really celebrated, well, that was a sight. "Yeah, a couple of demigods, a Charlie Brown Christmas tree decorated with air fresheners and a crappy motel room." He smiled again. "I wouldn't have traded it for anything."

"Demigods?" Hope inquired. "Anyone I knew?"

Dean blinked. He often forgot about his daughter's life before she became Ryan's and his. "I don't know. Maybe?"

"Oh! Story, Daddy! Tell us a story!" Jon squealed, abandoning shaking the box with his name on it.

Bobby grinned as he, too, sat down his present. "Yeah, Dad. You and Uncle Sammy fill us in. What happened?"

Dean looked at Sam, who grinned and nodded. "Well, okay, so, I know you've heard about when I sold my soul…"

"Geez. What's in this thing?" Dean muttered under his breath as he hauled the box up the stairs to sit under the tree. "It's huge."

"It's a foosball table," Ryan told him as she directed him where she wanted it under the tree.

"Cool! We're getting a foosball table?"

She rolled her eyes. "I swear, you're as excited as the boys."

He stopped and looked down. "I am. This is my first Christmas, Ryan, my first good Christmas, since I was three years old."

He heard her gasp and he couldn't look at her. He couldn't see the sorrow in her eyes. He didn't need her feeling sorry for him. "I've just enjoyed the hell out of it. I _am _as excited as the boys. I was excited when you let me help pick out their Christmas presents and I got to see them open them and I can't wait for tomorrow morning…" he trailed off as he put a few things around the huge box and looked at her. "Ryan?"

She just shook her head and smiled. "Come on. I need some sleep. Those two little monsters will be up before you know it."

He chuckled and held out his hand for her, which she took. "So many things have changed, Dean, but I'm so very glad you're here."

"Me too," he whispered. "Me too."

* * *

**December Thirtieth**

Dean finished his work, went and spoke to Gerald a few moments, and then smiled as Meg came to find him in his office. "What's up, Nutmeg?"

She wrinkled her nose. "That's still the most obnoxious nickname you could find, Dean."

He chuckled. "Yeah, well, I'm good that way."

"You heading topside?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I just had to finish up some things."

Her tone held nothing but amazement as she said, "I can't believe you're making this work, Dean."

He shrugged. "What? It wasn't like Crowley was here all the time. That's why I have you and Bela, to hold down the fort while I'm gone."

She was silent a moment before she sat in the chair across from his desk. "Is it going to be very different?"

"What?"

She was silent a moment before she changed tack; "What's Jon like? I haven't been up there much recently. I mean, I know a little bit, but not much."

He sighed and sat. "Jon's a kid, Meg. It's going to be a while. You're stuck with me for now."

"Yeah, but…is he like you? Better? Worse? What are we in for? I've been keeping the prophecy crap on the down low for a while now, but Bela and I talk, Dean. You're basically giving your kingdom over to your heir and we're just concerned…"

"He's being raised by Ryan. Doesn't that answer your question? So far he's been raised by Ryan and Sam."

"Both who hate demons," she stated snidely.

He shook his head. "It's not like that. They're…it's strange. My whole life I've hated demons, Meg. I was raised to hate them on sight, to never give them the benefit of the doubt. Now, I've become one. My kid is one. And the two people in the world, who hate demons as much as I did, are now, supporting him in becoming the King of Hell, support _me _the same way. It's unlike anything I've ever seen."

"But, are they clouded by their hate?"

"Not at all. They're showing him how to embrace it. And they're showing me how to embrace it, too."

She sighed. "I just…I can't imagine it, Dean-o. I can't imagine it."

He snorted. "Yeah, me either. But it's true."

"Is it weird? Being a part of a family again?"

He blinked. Her tone almost sounded wistful. Maybe he was good for these demons after all. It seemed as though Meg, and Bela, too, had more humanity in them than either would care to admit. "It's the best thing in the world," he replied honestly.

"Yeah, well, you're a crappy demon, anyway," she muttered with a smile.

He grinned. "I never said I was a particularly good demon, Meg."

"But you're powerful. I never did talk to you about that stunt you pulled at the wedding."

He rubbed an absent hand over The Mark. He'd never had that reaction before and hadn't had it since. He glanced at the blade, sitting peacefully in its case and sighed. "I hope to never have to do that again. But I will, if need be."

She nodded. "And that, right there, shows you're a good guy, Dean. I don't agree with Crowley. I think Hell is doing just fine with you as its king."

"Thanks, Meg. I think."

She stood and winked. "Go see your sugar-mama. I'll keep things under control."

"You and Bela are two of the best decisions I've made," he told her. "I know I don't talk about my feelings much, but you are."

She smirked. "Awww, Dean, now I'm all dewy."

"Shut up and get the hell out of here."

In a rare act of seriousness, she bowed to him. "You really aren't the suckiest king we've ever had."

He chuckled. "And you aren't the suckiest demon in existence, either."

Her laughter continued as she walked out the door.

He smiled as he imagined himself at Ryan's house and he popped up on the back porch. Music was blaring in the vicinity of the kitchen and a peek inside showed him all the women of the family were in various stages of singing, dancing, and eating with blue, green, or brown stuff all over their faces with hair in ponytails and pajamas on.

He knocked on the door and heard a few shrieks and giggles before Ryan appeared. "Yes?"

He took in her appearance; she had green stuff on her face, her hair was up in a sloppy ponytail, and she had on reindeer pajama pants, a tank-top, and thick fuzzy socks on her feet. He smirked. "Am I missing something?"

"It's a girly party and you're not invited!" he heard Hope sing-song.

His eyebrow shot up. "Is she drunk?"

Ryan giggled. "Technically? Yes. With the diminished powers, Krissy found out it doesn't take nearly as much booze to get Hope drunk as it would your average angel. She's enjoying herself."

"She's underage."

Ryan shot him a look. "She's getting married tomorrow. She's an angel. And she's marrying a half demon. I'm pretty sure the fact she's underage isn't cause for concern."

He glanced around Ryan to see the other women dancing. "What is that crap you're listening to?"

Ryan paused and listened a moment. "This is 'That's Not My Name' by The Ting-Tings. But if you stick around, we'll probably move on to Taylor Swift or something."

His nose wrinkled in disgust. "Nah, I'm good. Where are the boys?"

"All the guys are at the bunker!" Andy called as she poured a line of shots. "Go away and see them, you evil bastard!"

Dean chuckled. "Are you all drunk?"

Ryan giggled again. "Some of us are just pleasantly buzzed. However, some of us, yes, are plowed."

"I hate I asked. So, instead of batchelor/batchelorette parties, and instead of a rehearsal dinner, we're just…chilling out? And the guys are stuck looking after the littlest dudes, including a baby?"

Ryan nodded. "Yup."

Dean shook his head. "Okay then. I guess I'll pop over there." He turned to walk off the porch when he was grabbed from behind.

"Wait," Ryan purred. "Come back once everyone is passed out and let me fuck you, babe."

He smiled and kissed her, careful not to get any of the green crap on his skin. "I'll come back and see how drunk you are. Then we'll see."

"Come onnnnnn," she whined.

"We'll see," he amended.

"Tease!" she shouted.

His lip quirked as Krissy grabbed Ryan and dragged her back in the house and the music went up a few more notches. Dean watched, just another moment, as the women all danced around, his eyes never leaving Ryan's ass as it shimmied in time with the beat. He swallowed as his mouth watered.

"Are they alright?" he heard and he jumped as Cas appeared next to him.

"Damn it, Cas!" he groused. "You just cut ten years off my life, man!"

Castiel regarded him. "But, Dean, at the present, you're immortal."

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Figure of speech, dude." He paused. "What?" Cas wasn't paying attention to him, though, as he saw Tory through the window. Dean punched him in the arm. "Dude, focus."

Castiel blinked and looked at him. "Yes?"

"What do you mean, I'm immortal?"

Cas shrugged. "You bear The Mark of Cain. You are a demon. Technically, you are immortal."

Dean snorted. "Cool."

Cas shrugged. "Well, you will be until you give The Mark to Jon, then we turn you back human, at which time…" Cas trailed off and Dean sighed.

"We don't know what will happen, do we?"

Cas shook his head. "No."

Dean shrugged as well. "No use in worrying about that today. Let's go check on the bunker. What are we doing?"

"Actually, it is good you are here. Ben has designs set on getting Jesse drunk, but Jesse's powers fluctuate when he's drunk. If you are there, we will be a bit less concerned about everyone else's welfare because you can help control him."

Dean smiled. "Let's go. I'm all for letting the kid relax and have a few drinks…"

The sausage-fest in the bunker wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as Dean thought it would be. He found himself liking the quiet half-demon that was becoming his son-in-law more and more, and this also gave him a good chance to bond with Ben some. He felt bad he hadn't spent much time with him, but Ben was an adult now, a hunter. He didn't do touchy-feely. He was everything Dean hadn't wanted him to be, but he was managing quite well. He was still a hell of a guy.

They somehow managed to end up on the shooting range. The youngest boys were all asleep. Steven was in his playpen in Sam's old room and Dean's sons were both in his old bed. Dean watched Ben try and fail to hit the target and he chuckled. "Well, at least you know you can't shoot straight to save your life when you're drunk."

Ben chuckled as he sat the gun down. "Too true. Which is why Kris refuses to buy booze unless we're finished with a case."

"She's a smart girl. Always has been." Dean told him.

"Yeah, I don't know how in the hell she wound up with you," Sam shot at the boy.

"Ha, ha, funny, Sam," Ben groused as he swiped another beer from the cooler that had been carried with them to every room they'd traveled in. "Okay, gotta take a piss. Be right back," he managed as he belched and stumbled out of the room.

"Sammy…" Dean warned.

"I got him," Sam said as he stood. "Yo! Ben! Need help with that?"

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" Ben replied as Sam caught up to him and put the boy's arm around his shoulder.

"I think you're done, man, time for bed."

"Still gotta piss…"

"And I'll let you. God knows I don't want to clean that up."

Ben started giggling and Dean chuckled as their voices faded out. He glanced at Jesse, who was nursing a bottle of something stronger. He could hold his liquor like a pro, Dean had to hand it to him. "You alright over there?"

Jesse looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"But?"

Jesse smiled. "I'm scared shitless. I mean, I'm a demon. She's an angel. What in the hell are we thinking?"

Dean shrugged as he nursed his beer. He had decided to play DD for the night, along with Cas, in the event anything got out of hand or someone needed something. It was odd how he used to be the one passed out by the end of the night. Now he was being all responsible. Go figure. "You love her. She loves you. It's simple addition. One plus one makes two."

"I still don't know if we're making the right choice here. Why marriage? We could just shack up, you know."

Dean nodded. "You could. And she would love you anyway, you know that."

Jesse took a generous swig of the whiskey and smirked. "You know she asked me? Or rather, _told _me we were getting married."

Dean chuckled. "Sounds like her."

"She's amazing, you know that? I mean…it isn't just her smile or her personality, or even the fact she's like, this powerful being…it's everything." He was quiet a moment. "I'm half afraid the first time she gets really pissed at me, she'll smite my ass."

Dean laughed out loud. "Well, far be it from me to give relationship advice, but if she doesn't scare the hell out of you a little, she's not the one."

Jesse snorted. "I love her, Dean. I love her so damn much. And I know, when she goes upstairs and I join you, all that will go away."

"Who says?"

Jesse shrugged. "I dunno," he stated softly, child-like, almost.

"Let me tell you something, Jesse. I'm a demon. The king demon. But I still love. I'm not great at anything, but I've always been good at loving people. Showing them, not so much, but loving has never been a problem. When you're a full demon, that won't change."

"What if it does? What if her getting her wings back changes things?"

"If it does, it does. But I don't think it will."

"Why?"

Dean shook his head. "Because, I don't think love works that way. And you're already part demon, so, this would just be taking away your humanity. Then you'll be a knight of mine, and she'll be a heavenly host and you two can meet in the middle for your little trysts."

Jesse's eyebrow shot up. "Did you just use the word 'tryst'?"

"Shut up," Dean told him with a grin. "But seriously, you'll be fine and so will she."

Jesse sucked in a breath. "Thanks, Dean. Really."

"Thank you, Jesse, for all that you've done. You've been there for Jon, you're good to Hope, I can't…I can't repay you for how instrumental you've been to the safety of this family."

"They're my family, too," Jesse whispered. "I haven't had a family since I ran away from home. When Ryan came and found me in New York, I was almost at my lowest point. She gave me a home. She gave me love. She gave me Hope."

Dean smiled. "She's kind of good that way."

"Ryan's the best. I'm glad you're here for her, man. She needed you and she was too stubborn to realize it. Or maybe she realized it and she was too stupid to go for it. Either way, it doesn't matter now, because you're here."

"And I'm not going anywhere," Dean vowed.

* * *

**December Thirty-First**

Dean glanced at the groom as he adjusted his suit coat. "I still don't see why you wouldn't let us take you out for a real bachelor party," he stated.

"Yeah, man, I mean, what's up with that? Booze? Strippers? The whole nine!" Ben added.

Jesse shot Ben a look. "First off, I still don't see how you're standing. You were so drunk last night. Second, like Kris would let you get within five feet of a strip joint? Don't make me laugh. She'd beat your ass so fast, you'd be wearing a black eye before you could blink."

Ben grinned. "Yeah, guess you're right. But, hey, it would have been fun."

"I think what we did last night was just as good," Jesse told them.

Dean smiled. After everyone was situated in bed, Dean had popped in to check on Ryan. She had sobered some, but was still buzzed. The things they'd done…

"Earth to Dean," Ben stated as he snapped his fingers in front of Dean's face.

Dean blinked and looked at the boy. "Yeah?"

"Dude, get your mind out of the gutter."

"What?!"

Ben just popped an eyebrow and shot him a look.

"How's it going?" Ryan asked softly as she stuck her head in the door. Hope had wanted to get married in Ryan's back yard, so the boys were getting ready in the basement while Hope's room was being used for the bridal suite. Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of the men in their tuxes. "Don't you all look so handsome?"

"Seems like it was just yesterday we were doing this for me," Sam muttered as he, too, put on his tie. Hope had been adamant about one thing; she had wanted both Sam and Dean to walk her down the aisle. Dean was her father, but Sam had been there for the second half of her life. He'd been there for her through a lot of changes. Sam had tried to play it off, to make her see it might hurt Dean's feelings, but Dean didn't feel sorry for himself. No, he was proud of Hope for making the decision. And it was kind of cool. Weird, but cool.

"Well, at least this one isn't as much of a production," Ryan stated as she began putting on boutonnieres.

"You know Hope. I'm surprised she didn't invite the whole heavenly host," Jesse stated as he fumbled with his tie before he just gave up and used his powers to create the perfect bow.

Ryan grinned. "Hey, you're the one tying yourself to her, Jess. I'd say you know her pretty well. Sure you want to get any further involved with all the drama?"

"Are you kidding? It's like she's what my life has been waiting for," he breathed, awe in his voice. "I never knew goodness until I met her. Purity."

"Hope. Winchester? Dude, are you sure you've got the right chick? Cuz, that doesn't describe my sister," Ben threw out.

"Suck it, dickbag. Just because you can't get your girl to…"

"Boys!" Ryan shouted. "Enough. Today is Jesse's wedding day. The two of you don't need to act like imbeciles." She turned to Dean and winked. "Besides, I'd hate for Dean to have to separate you with the demon juice."

Dean's mouth fell open. "Using my powers for me? That's just…"

Ryan smiled and stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. "That's my right as your soul mate, sugar. Come on, boys, ya'll only have about five minutes…"

Dean watched her retreating form and chuckled. "Damn, I love that woman."

"Ever thought of tying the knot with her, Dean?" Ben asked as he tried and failed once more to fix his tie. "Damn it. Will somebody mojo this fucker so I can be done with it?"

Dean chuckled and fixed the guy's tie as he thought about Ben's question. "I…I don't know about marriage. That ship kind of already sailed."

"Why? Because you're soul mates? Didn't stop Sam and Andy."

"He's got a point, Dean," Sam stated.

Dean shrugged. "I don't know. I just…I mean, we're married kind of, anyway, right? Would Ryan want that redundancy?"

Sam looked at him. "Ryan is happy with anything you can give her, Dean. No, I don't think she needs a wedding ring. Doesn't mean she wouldn't like one…"

It was something to think about. Another day. Right now, he needed to head upstairs. "You ready?"

Sam nodded and followed Dean as they traveled up the stairs then up the second set of stairs up to Hope's room.

Dean knocked gently on the door and gasped as he took in the view of his daughter. "Hope…"

She smiled sweetly. "How do I look?"

She had on a blood-red strapless dress. The top front of it looked like a heart made out of diamonds or something, and it was decorated all over with black feathers here and there. It didn't have a train, instead it had like an old timey bustle on the back that fell in soft red waves. It was unexpected and beautiful and it totally looked like Hope personified. "You look perfect, angel-face," he managed.

She smiled again. "Well, well, well, I didn't know I could make demons cry. I'm good."

Dean chuckled and wiped his cheek. "I'm allowed to cry, Hope. It's okay to cry and still be a man."

"Man, yes. Demon, no. I think Mom's making you soft."

He could have come back with a crude comment, but decided to swallow it and just shrugged. "You've got somebody waiting on you." He glanced over at Ryan. "You okay?"

She smiled too. "I'm great. Okay, I'm going downstairs. I'm sure Charlie and Claire are tired of the two monsters already."

"Did they manage to keep Loki out of my cake?" Hope asked.

"If they didn't, there'll be hell to pay," Ryan stated through clenched teeth.

Dean chortled as he watched Ryan leave. His attention turned to the other woman in the room. "You look beautiful, Krissy," he told the huntress.

She smiled as she ran a hand over her dress. It was a short, ivory colored number, but it was covered in a long fur trimmed light tan cape thing that was decorated in snowflakes. She looked like a winter princess or something.

"I'll give you guys a few minutes," Krissy told them as she, too, stepped out. Dean watched her go and wondered what Jesse had been about to say to Ben. Had Ben asked and Kris said no? They seemed really happy, but Krissy had always been a bit standoffish about family. He'd have to pry into their business, see what was up.

Hope cleared her throat. She didn't have a veil and all her beautiful reddish brown hair was up in a fancy bun. Sam and Dean both looked at her. She licked her lips nervously. "Uh…so…to the dad who's my biological father and to the dad who helped raised me, thank you, both, for doing this."

"There's no place we'd rather be, Hope," Sam stated softly.

She nodded as one tear fell down her cheek. "I know. I just…it's pointless, I realize, but…"

"It makes you happy, kid," Dean told her. "Jesse makes you happy and neither of you are human but you want to do one human thing with your life. This is a good one."

"It doesn't change anything. We'll still hunt and everything…"

"I know. Your mom knows. But you deserve this break. I think a honeymoon is a great idea. Go, see some of the world, enjoy yourselves a little. I learned the hard way life isn't just hunting. Evil's still gonna be out there. Innocent humans are still gonna get killed. You can't save them all. No one can. You have to find a balance that keeps you alive, keeps you sane, too. I don't think I ever learned that and it killed me. But Sam has. And I'm glad for him." He smiled at his brother, who returned it.

"Thanks, Daddy," she whispered as she hugged him.

He returned the hug with as much love as he could muster. "Now, come on, you've got people waiting to see you."

She nodded and pulled away. She picked up a bouquet of roses in red and white that matched her dress, he noticed, and strode to the door. "Well? Come on."

Sam chuckled. "She's definitely got Ryan's impatience."

"Thank you, Sam," Dean stated softly.

"For what?"

"For being there for them, when I wasn't."

"You couldn't be."

"I know. Doesn't make it any easier to swallow, but I'm glad you were there."

"Someone had to help raise them so they'd know about you, Dean. Ryan's knowledge of you only went so far."

"Thank you for not painting me the bad guy."

Sam stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "You've been a lot of things in your life, Dean, but you were never, ever, a bad guy. Remember that, for me."

Dean just nodded.

The ceremony was your standard wedding deal. Instead of Charlie, Cas stood up and acted as minister, which, for some reason, Dean found extremely funny. He held it in, though, and didn't laugh at the constipated look on the angel's face. Instead, he focused on the love for Hope shining in Jesse's eyes. It was unbelievable and humbling, that there was a person in this world that loved his angel daughter this much.

They had written their own vows, or found them on the internet or something, because they weren't your standard fair. That wouldn't work in their relationship. Instead, Hope told him; "I wish I could explain your eyes, and how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies. How your smile makes my heart skip a beat, and how every time I'm with you, I feel so complete."

Jesse told her; "I tried to come up with the perfect thing to say to you, and I failed spectacularly. However, I did manage to find a quote by Steve Maraboli. 'She is delightfully chaotic; a beautiful mess. Loving her is a splendid adventure.' Hope, I never intended to go on this adventure. I never saw myself falling in love. But I have, with you. I love you so much it physically hurts. You're the moon and the stars, and the whole damn galaxy to me."

Hope smiled and threw her arms around him and kissed him, earning a few chuckles from the small crowd assembled.

Cas cleared his throat as he said, "The couple decided to forgo the average wedding rings." Instead of the rings, they had Cas tattoo the Enochian symbols for love into their ring fingers as a symbol of their commitment to one another. It would stay on their vessels forever.

Once the "rings" were exchanged, Ben reached for the guitar sitting on its stand next to him and smiled. "So, only the fact that Hope is my sister stopped me from singing 'Jesse's Girl' I want you to know that." Everyone chuckled and Ben sobered. "Nah, Jesse, you're my best friend, dude. You've been there for me. You and I were like the lone wolves in this family, the outsiders. God knows Hope pulled us in, but it was us. And I'm glad to call you my friend. Hope, you're my little sister. I've known you since you were twelve years old and, yes, I'd like to think the reason we're standing here today is because of me." Again, he got a titter of laughs from everyone. "But, I know you two would have eventually gotten together. It was destined. And trust me, I believe in this destiny crap. Now more than ever. And so, I found a song for you two. I don't want to hear any shit for it, either. Suck it up. The song may not rock, but it's perfect for you." He cleared his throat and started singing a song Dean had never heard before;

_**Get out your guns, battles begun, **_

_**Are you a saint, or a sinner? **_

_**If love's a fight, then I shall die,**_

_**With my heart on a trigger.**_

_**They say before you start a war,**_

_**You better know what you're fighting for.**_

_**Well baby, you are all that I adore,**_

_**If love is what you need, a soldier I will be.**_

_**I'm an angel with a shotgun,**_

_**Fighting 'til the war's won,**_

_**I don't care if heaven won't take me back,**_

_**I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.**_

_**Don't you know you're everything I have?**_

_**And I wanna live, not just survive, tonight. **_

Dean listened to the rest of the words about how sometimes to win you've got to sin, and that made him think of Ryan. He would do whatever it took to keep her pure and human. No matter what.

When the song finished, Hope was sobbing openly and walked to hug Ben. And Dean had to be honest, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Sure, the song wasn't the sappiest in the world, but the meaning behind it was plain to see. Hope would be giving up a lot in seven years, no matter what she chose. Because Dean believed she had a choice in the matter. She could choose to stay here, Jesse could choose to stay here. Just because Heaven declared she return, it didn't mean she would. He just didn't know if she would be able to handle the decision, whichever way she went. Only time would tell.

* * *

**January Twenty-Fourth**

Dean was standing in his office, sipping a glass of whiskey when he felt the oddest sensation. "Meg? What's that?" he asked as he glanced at his knight who he was going over reports with.

She smirked. "Dean, you're being summoned."

"What? Like, with a summoning spell?"

She rolled her eyes. "Duh."

"What do you think that's about?"

She shrugged.

"Should I go?"

She crossed her arms. "I think you kinda need to. I mean, what if it's an emergency or something?"

His eyes widened. "You don't think…?"

She shrugged again. "You won't know unless you move your ass, boss."

He nodded. "Alright. You and Bells hold down the fort. I'll pop back down here if you need anything."

She smirked and he wondered what that was about as he popped topside…into Rufus' old cabin?

He turned and saw Ryan standing over the bowl with the summoning ingredients. His brows furrowed. "Ryan? What's up?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she pulled off a long coat to reveal something black and lacy underneath. "Happy Birthday, Dean."

He blinked as he looked around. It was just the two of them. Alone. In the cabin. There were three pies sitting on the countertop, a brand new bottle of booze, and Ryan, standing there half naked. "For me?"

She giggled as she walked forward and took his hand. "I already cleared it with Meg. She and Bela are going to handle business downstairs for a few days. Sam's got the kids and the bunker under control. We're going to celebrate your birthday. Just the two of us. Right here."

"You planned all this?"

She nodded as she pulled him into the tiny bedroom. He glanced around again. The little cabin had been overhauled and looked halfway decent. "What happened here?"

"Sam and I have been working on this place. We decided it would be a good place for the couples or even a single to take a little respite. He and I come up here, swear, drink beer, work with our hands. It's all very manly."

"But you're not manly, Ryan."

She laughed throatily. "Thank God for that. No, but I enjoy doing work like that. I had to do all the home repair around my place before Sam showed up in my life. I've gotten good at plumbing especially. And Sam's good at electrical. It works." She stood on tiptoe in a pair of 'fuck me' shoes and kissed him gently. "Now, enough talk about manual labor _or _your brother. I'm half naked here, babe."

His hands seemed to move unbidden to her waist. "Why, yes, you are. Let's see if I can get you completely naked…"

* * *

**May Fourth **

Ryan bit her lip as she looked around. "Are you sure?" she asked him one last time.

Dean rolled his eyes. She, Andy, and Tory were going to the Florida Keys for a few days away and were planning on enjoying a Cinco de Mayo celebration while they were gone. "Would you just take your happy ass on? I've got this."

"But…a whole weekend, me, Tory and Andy…gone…you and the boys, Sam, Steven…are you sure you guys can handle this?"

"We aren't invalids, you know," Sam stated as he glared at Ryan. "We'll be fine. Won't we, Dean?"

Dean just nodded. Was she seriously insinuating they couldn't handle this? Okay, he knew _he _might not be able to, but with Sam there… "We're absolutely going to be fine. Go. Andy needs a break from the baby."

"I never need a break from my sweetheart," Andy said as she nuzzled Steven's neck. He was giggling like crazy. They had just celebrated his one year birthday two weeks before.

Dean grinned. "I was talking about Sam."

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Jerk."

Dean smirked. "Bitch."

Ryan giggled. "Alright. If you're sure. But you know you can call me anytime, and if you need to, you can have Cas poof and get me or you can and…"

"Ryan, stop," Dean stated gently as he grabbed her and pulled her close. He kissed her tenderly. "Go on, have a great time relaxing with the girls. We've got this. Cas can come down and help, yes, if Gabriel gets out of control, but I think between my demon juice and Sam's experience, we've got this."

She worried that damn lip again and he had to clear his throat as his need for her built. It was the little things she did that drove him up the fucking wall.

"If you're sure…"

"We are," Sam stated as he tried to pry Steven away from Andy. "Tory, some help, please?"

"Come on! No one calling you Mommy for three days and two nights! Nothing but air and wind and water and relaxation! And who knows, maybe a little trouble…"

"No hunting," Dean stated adamantly.

"Right. No need to go out and start something," Sam began.

The three women rolled their eyes. "Yes, dear," they chimed in unison. With kisses to the little boys, and a kiss to Sam and Dean from their mates, they walked out.

Dean blew out a breath as he turned to gaze down at his sons. "So…are you going to be nice for us this weekend?"

The two little boys exchanged a mischief filled look and Dean suddenly began regretting this decision.

The phone ringing distracted Dean from his chase. "Damn it," he growled. "When I catch you…!" he warned to the retreating laughter. "Fuck," he muttered as he snagged his phone from his pocket. "Hello?"

"Hi!" Ryan's bubbly voice called over the phone. "We made it to The Keys. Wow. That was a nice flight. Our place is awesome. Wish you were here. How are things?"

He looked around the destroyed house. The damn dogs were chewing on something Dean knew they shouldn't, the boys had destroyed a bookshelf (he'd have to find tools to repair it if he couldn't figure out how to mojo the bitch back like it should be) and there were toys everywhere. "It's great. The boys are great."

"Is that distress I hear in your voice? Do I need to…?"

"Stop, Ryan. We're fine. Chill out. It's all good."

"Okay, can I talk to the boys?"

He sighed, but called out, "Boys! Mom's on the phone!"

He heard the pounding of feet as the two little monsters came downstairs and grabbed the phone from his hand. He watched with aggravated amusement as Bobby put the phone on speaker and yelled, "Mom?!"

"I can hear you, Robert Gabriel. No need to scream. How're my boys doing? Are you being good for Dad?"

Bobby looked around at the disaster of the room and grinned. "Are you kidding? I'm an angel, Mom."

"Hence my apprehension," she shot back at him. "Jon? You there?"

"Yes, Mommy! I'm here!"

"Are you boys having fun?"

"Yeah! We've been wrestling and Daddy's cooking burgers for us laters! It's gonna be awesome! You should go away more often!"

Ryan chuckled and Dean couldn't help but smile. "Alright. I love you three. Be good for Dad, okay? Put him back on the phone, alright?"

"Love you, Mommy!" Jon shouted.

"Love ya, Mom!" Bobby yelled as he handed the phone back to Dean before the two ran back up the stairs.

"You two better come back down here for dinner or you'll starve!" Dean shouted before he heard Ryan's laughter over the phone. "Ha, ha, ha. Funny, Ryan."

"I'm sorry," she stated, mirth evident in her voice. "It sounds as though they're having fun, though. This is good for all three of you. I take it Sam left?"

"Yeah, Steven was getting tired. He's coming back tomorrow morning." _If we all live that long. _He suspected he might not make it through the night if they didn't slow down. Even if he was a demon, he was damn tired already.

"Okay. Well, we're going to go out to dinner and get some drinks…"

"You, drunk and relaxed? Be still my heart."

She giggled and he heard Andy calling for her. "Okay, well, I guess I'll go…"

"I'll be up, if you want to drunk dial me, Ryan."

"I'll be sure to. I love you."

He heard a crash upstairs. "Yeah, love you, too. Gotta go…" he punched the 'End' button and let out a growl. "Boys…!"

Dean was exhausted. Two nights and almost three whole days had passed. Ryan was expected home within the hour and he couldn't be happier. At least in Hell he had a few moments peace. Here, there was a constant string of activity. "Okay, guys. Great job cleaning up. I'll let you two have some pie if you'll just sit down. Then you can go quietly play with your Lego's, okay?"

"Yay! Pie!" Jon shouted as he bounced.

"What kind, Dad?" Bobby asked.

"Mom left a chocolate pie in the freezer I thawed out last night."

"And you didn't tell me?" Bobby's tone was accusatory.

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Because I knew I'd need a bargaining chip, Gabe."

The boy's dimples winked. "Okay. You got me there."

Dean couldn't help the chuckle. Even though it was a tiring job, he'd had a complete blast with his boys. He wouldn't trade it for a moment. He ushered the boys into the clean kitchen and quickly cut them all huge slices of pie. They were working on their second pieces when Meg popped in. "Hey, boss. Hey squirts!"

"Meg," the two boys acknowledged her dismissively as they continued attacking their pies.

Meg let out a snort. "They're definitely yours."

Dean eyed the little demon. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to let you know of a small issue. Nothing really big, but figured you'd want to be aware…"

He sighed. "Outside. Let's talk about it out there." He looked at his sons. "When you finish, put your plates in the sink like Mom would want you to and then you can go play Lego's, okay?"

"Yes, sir," they replied in unison.

Meg's eyebrows popped. "They respect you. Interesting."

Dean let out a growl. "Bite me, Meg."

She smirked. "I don't think Ryan would appreciate that, Dean. She might find a way to have Clarence smite me on principle."

Dean led her out onto the porch and she filled him in on a small uprising in the southwestern part of the United States, which she was going to go handle personally. "I just wanted to let you know where I was going to be."

"If you need help…"

She nodded. "I'll call you or Bela, or, hey, if worst comes to worst, I'll call Cas down to help me. I'm sure he'd like to get his hands dirty."

Dean smiled. Cas had become about like him; more of a businessman than anything else. He watched Meg disappear and took in a deep breath of the spring air. Ryan had planted honeysuckle and the scent reminded him of her. He smiled as he gazed out into the back yard. It was littered with a dozen toy trucks, backhoes, and tractors, plus a giant sandbox, a huge swing set, and a tree house in the biggest tree. It was peaceful, here, in Kansas. It was a good place for Ryan to bring the kids. He was still smiling as he stepped indoors, but the smile slid off his face when he heard a commotion coming from the direction of the living room. He raced through the kitchen, past the front door and entryway and stopped dead at the door to the living room.

"WHAT IN THE SWEET HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!" he shouted as he saw Lego's flying everywhere.

"He's being a stupid-head!" Jon shouted.

"You're the one being stupid! Come on, Jon! Catch a clue, dude! You know I'm right!"

"No!" Jon shouted and Dean winced as he saw Lego's being launched from the floor with Jon's powers as the boy's eyes flickered black.

"I. Am. Too!" Bobby shouted as he, too, began lobbing Lego's using his angel grace as his own eyes glowed blue.

"No. You're. Not!"

"Yes. I. Am!"

"Superman can fly, AND he's fast!"

"The Hulk can beat you, Loki! I sawed it on the movie!"

"It. Was. A. Movie! None of that was true! And Tom Hiddleston's a little bitch!"

"You's just mad ucuz he's prettier than you! Hopey said so!"

"Hope's a liar!" Bobby shouted.

Dean blinked as the boys continued bickering. They were arguing…about superheroes? And using their mojo? Seriously?

He didn't realize the fight had escalated until he felt power coming from both directions, battering him around, tossing him first one way, then the other, knocking him into the damn bookcase he'd managed to fix. He shook his head and stood as his eyes flashed black. "THAT IS ENOUGH!"

The two boys jumped and he was worried he might have scared them, but then they both started laughing at him.

His eyes narrowed as he glared at the two of them. "I can't believe how ridiculous this is! Fighting over who would win between imaginary people, really?!" The two boys managed to conjure up a modicum of shame before Dean added, "Besides, neither of those pansies would win because we all know Batman is the biggest badass."

The boys looked shocked for about a minute before Bobby said, "But, Dad, there is no way Batman could win. He doesn't have any powers."

"What?!" he shouted.

The boy's mouth set and he put his hands on his hips. "Batman. Has. No. Powers."

"Alright, that's it…"

**Ryan POV**

"Damn, that was awesome," Ryan stated as she stood and stretched. "Thanks again, for driving, Andy. I shouldn't have had that cocktail on the plane."

Andy shrugged. "No biggie. So, you think Cas was waiting for Tory? That's why she wanted us to let her off at the bunker?"

Ryan grinned. "I'm guessing so. After all, we both know Dean gets immense pleasure from teasing the crap outta Cas about his sexcapades."

Andy giggled. "Alright, well, I guess I'll go on home." Just then, Sam drove up in the driveway. "Or not…" she murmured as she stood and ran toward Sam, who picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist as he sat her on the hood of the car.

Ryan rolled her eyes as she walked up the steps, tugging her rolling bag with her. She made it to the porch before she heard it; the sounds of war within the house. Her eyes widened as she all but ran into the door to find a whirling dervish of Lego's, blue glowing and black stained eyes. "Holy shit," she muttered before she turned around and ran back down the steps. She dashed to Demon and popped the trunk, reaching for the flask of holy water.

"Ryan? What's up?"

"It's World War Three in there. I thought you were watching them, Sam!" she shouted at him.

"Hey! I just got here! They're the ones…"

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Don't you dare…"

He snagged the flask and also a bottle of holy oil. "Don't worry. I got this," and he dashed inside. Andy and Ryan shared a look before they ran up the stairs after him. They breached the door in time to hear him shout; "Alright! Who's gonna get it first? OW! Damn it, Dean! Really?! You're hitting ME with Lego's now?"

The two women smirked as the din intensified, but only for a moment before a shriek of pain and a yell of "Uncle Sam! You're no fun!"

A moment later, Dean wandered to the entryway, steam still rising from his skin where Sam had obviously doused him in holy water. He took one look at Ryan and grinned. "Hey, babe, when did you get back?"

Her eyebrow rose. "About five minutes ago."

He grinned sheepishly before he looked behind him and his eyes narrowed. "I thought I could handle it, but I can't…you can't leave me alone with them again, Ryan. They teamed up on me. A demon and an angel shouldn't be that close. It's not natural…it's against the order. It's…"

Her jaw set as she crossed her arms. "And last time I checked, YOU were the adult, Dean. You're a full blown demon and you're best friends with one of the most powerful angels in the garrison. So, that point is moot. Besides, aren't you more powerful than both of the two little monsters in there? Bobby's not a full blown angel yet, you know. And Jon's a half demon. So…? Exactly what is the problem with YOU looking after YOUR sons?" Of course, she wasn't angry. She was more amused than anything else.

He winced, rubbed the back of his neck, and smiled shyly at her as the boys ran past him to hug her. "Mommy! Mom!"

She closed her eyes, gave a half smile, and shook her head. Rest and relaxation were nice, but it was sure good to be home.

* * *

**An2: And that's it until next week. Hopefully you you liked it!**


	30. Leather and Lace

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Supernatural. If I did, we would NEVER have to live through Hellaitus!**

**AN: Hi, everyone! To my new followers, WELCOME! I noticed a drop in reviews last week, but that's okay. If you were snowed and iced in like I was, you were too busy with your madhouse full of kids and dogs to read, let alone review. LOL. I'll let it slide, THIS TIME. **

**So, once again, no new episode. Damn it. But at least you've got a new chapter of this little story that could! Man, and to think, it was only going to be about fifteen chapters...now we're double that and showing no signs of slowing down. Whoot! Love to you all, J. **

* * *

**July Third, 11:50 PM**

**Bobby POV**

Bobby woke with a start. He groaned as he looked at his clock. In ten minutes, he would be ten, which was kinda funny if you thought about it a moment. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed before he glanced at his brother and smiled. His baby brother. He'd never had a brother to look after in Heaven. He was always considered one of the oldest, sure, but he was always overshadowed by Michael and Lucifer, who more often than not, treated _him _like the kid. It was no wonder Raphael turned out like he did. It was hard to be overshadowed by your older siblings. Now, he was the older brother and he would do whatever it took to keep his brother safe. Of course, the kid was no angel. But, hey, being an angel was overrated anyway.

He stretched and stood before he wandered out into the hallway and went to the bathroom. After conducting business, he traveled back down the hall, giving both dogs a pat on the head as they lifted them from their bed on the landing. Clearly his dad had stayed over. If Dean spent the night, the dogs were in the hallway and Mom's door was shut. That was his cue not to disturb them. And he'd waited almost two lifetimes for them to get together, so he guessed he could give them some alone time.

"Come on, boys," he said to the dogs and they eagerly followed him down the stairs. He loved animals, always had, but these two were _his_. He'd never had a pet before, either. There were many things he had this time around he was extremely grateful for.

He rooted around in the fridge and found a pudding cup. He opened it, squirted some whip cream on top of it and took it out onto the porch. He sat in one of his mom's rocking chairs and smirked. Well, it wasn't strippers and all the desserts he could eat, but he couldn't complain about the life Ryan had handed him. When he'd made the decision to save his own life instead of dying a martyr at the hands of his brother, he hadn't planned on making the prophecies come true, well, not quite this way, anyway. It _had _been his job to make them come true, it was just fate had moved up his timetable a little bit. Who would have guessed that one decision would lead to all of this?

He frowned as he thought back to that day, in Heaven, when his Father came to him with a proposition. He couldn't fault the logic, nor argue His commands. Besides, it made sense. Go deep undercover, so deep, you were considered a traitor, to bide your time while you waited for two brothers to be born so the fight could take place. It was an interesting scheme, one Gabriel couldn't pass up. The chance to get out from under Michael's stifling presence was enough to make him say 'yes'. He finished his pudding cup and glanced at his Iron Man watch. 11:54. Six minutes left. He wasn't sure what his fascination was with the time, but he went with it. Something was coming. He could feel it.

He sighed as he looked out over the green grass of the backyard. So many things had changed over the past year, it was hard to believe. Dean was back with them. Not fully, because he had a job to do, but he was there. What a shock that was, to be an angel and your father was a demon, the king demon. Of course, that didn't really change much. Dean was still Dean. Gabriel had always liked The Righteous Man, he just still wasn't sure he liked him for his _mother. _It was funny to think of Ryan that way, sometimes, but in other times, it was like she was born to be his mom. They understood each other, had, from the moment he chose her, partially because of her mother's connection to Mary, but partly because he could see it, that spark of something special within her. But then, once she grew, and he came to her again, he saw that cord of steel running through her.

When he realized Lucifer would kill him if he didn't have a contingency plan, he had to set the wheels in motion for this scheme. And it was a doozy, too. He'd never worked so hard at something in all the millennia of his life. But now, everything was unfolding as it should. He frowned. _Almost. _This demon thing in Ryan wasn't something he'd planned on. Of course, he had never been sure _how _Dean Winchester would have a demon kid, he just figured it would be with some two-bit whore Dean used to flout around with, one that had an ulterior motive. But, no, it was Ryan. And what a shock that had been when his memories started swimming to the surface and he realized that, yes, he was Gabriel, and yes, he was actually _part _of the prophecies, and, yes, he was destined to be back with Eve.

He smiled as he thought of her. Eve. Mother of all monsters. Boy, that one had caught him by surprise. He hadn't intended on falling for her, but, of course, his Father had a hand in that as well, didn't He? After all, what better way to punish her for eating that forbidden fruit, right? He remembered when he first went to her, in Purgatory. At the time, she could flit back and forth, before he banished her there, partly to cover his own mistakes…

_**Flashback **_

_He watched, transfixed, hidden behind a tree, as the young woman called the magicks within her to the surface. Suddenly her back stiffened. "Come out, come out, wherever you are," she sing-songed. _

_He stepped out. He was not afraid of her. He was, after all, stronger than her. _

_She smirked at him. "So, Angel," she spat, "Come to check up on me? After all, I guess this is the deal of the century, right?"_

_His eyes narrowed. "I'm not here to spy on you. I'm just…"_

"_Coming to look at the freak?" she shrieked. _

_He held up both hands. "No. I wanted…"_

"_What, Gabriel? What did you want? Was it not enough to cast me out? You have to come here to mock me as well? Well, the last laugh is on you. I'm not ashamed. I did wrong, yes, but I'm being punished. Isn't that enough? I mean, really! You pick one golden apple off the special tree and then suddenly everybody's after you! What's next? Huh? I really…" her voice softened as she sank to the ground. "I can't take it, Gabriel. You can't mock me, too. I thought we were friends."_

"_We were. We are," he stated firmly as he, too, sat. "Eve…look, you got bamboozled by my brother. And that idiot let him into the garden in the first place when he knew better. He got bamboozled, too. I can't fix that. But I can make life a little better for you."_

"_How? I'm cursed, Gabriel. And so are you. You shouldn't even be here. You've ran away. Do you think running here is the wisest course of action?"_

_He smirked at that as his hand reached out to touch her face. "Hey, no one ever said I was smart…"_

_**End Flashback **_

In the beginning, he was ashamed to admit he played her. He was playing her sweet, hurt heart for his own agenda. But then, somehow, he fell in love with her. Of course, she didn't like it when he betrayed her, but eventually, she came to see reason. He couldn't let her continue roaming around, creating all the monsters. Life had gotten out of hand, quickly. The humans were beginning to understand the concept of writing and had begun creating scrolls depicting her monsters. He locked her away in purgatory before she got any worse. But, he did grant her one gift; she would be able to overpower any angel less powerful than him. That was one way he could guarantee her safety in Purgatory, should an angel come to pick a fight.

Another glance at his watched showed 11:59. Not much longer now. He sighed. It was coming, with the force of a Mack truck. Hope hadn't been prepared, didn't know the signs, the symptoms, but then, he'd maintained a tighter connection to his grace than she had. He knew how to control it better, since even before his memories began to surface.

"Cas," he called softly. "Brother. I need you."

Castiel appeared in the yard and Gabriel went to meet him. The older man looked down at him. "Bobby?"

Gabriel shook his head as he heard his watch chime and the power flooded him. Wave after wave of angel grace poured into him, through him, and out of him until he collapsed and Castiel caught him as he fell.

"You could have warned us, Gabriel."

Gabriel chuckled. "Come on, bro, you know that's not my style."

Cas helped him stand. "Are you alright, brother mine?"

Gabe nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

Cas eyed him. "What?" Gabriel growled.

Castiel's lip quirked. "You are still a child, Gabriel."

He looked down at himself. "Yes, I am well aware of that, Ass-tiel."

"No need for obscenities. You wouldn't want Ryan to wash your mouth out with soap. Again. Would you?"

Gabriel's eyes narrowed, but memories of the horrid taste of soap filling his mouth stopped him from telling Cas exactly what he thought. He sighed. "Boy, this is going to complicate matters."

Cas snorted. "Your middle name should be 'complicated', brother."

Gabe sighed. "Tell me about it."

"How long have you known it would come back to you on your tenth birthday?"

"I didn't, not really." At Castiel's knowing look, Gabe sighed again. "A little while now. But I wasn't one hundred percent certain. It was a crapshoot. Being human versus part…whatever the hell Loki was complicated matters some. But then the vampire thing kinda threw me for a loop, too."

"We should sit," Cas urged as Gabriel swayed slightly on his feet. He nodded and followed the other angel to the porch steps. They were both silent for a time before Cas chuckled.

"What?" Gabriel asked.

"I am reminded of how Hope broke the news to me about all of this. We had a similar conversation on the porch steps of your previous house."

Gabriel smiled as he thought of his sister. Yes, he had done right by her this time. And now she was happily married. To a half demon, no less, but it didn't upset him. He was happy for them. They deserved a modicum of happiness.

"What happens from here, Gabriel? You know of the prophecies. Did The Father tell you these things would come to pass?"

Gabe blew out a breath. "Yes and no. I was given specific instructions, yes. But I was left to my own devices, too. I could do whatever I wanted as long as I showed up when I did. That was the deal."

"Is everything going as it should?"

Gabe winced. "I don't know."

"What does that mean?"

He sighed as he toed the ground with his bare foot. "I didn't know Dean would be a demon. That wasn't…I mean…heck, Cas, I didn't anticipate that one."

"Neither did anyone else, Gabriel. Trust me."

Gabe scrubbed his hand over his face. "I didn't know all of them would be by Ryan. I didn't…I figured the demon one would be by some random demon chick Dean managed to…" he trailed off. "I don't like this demon thing in her, Cas."

"None of us do, brother. But we are trying…"

"And failing!" Gabriel shouted. "You're failing, Cas!"

"Well then give me something else to try!" Castiel shouted back at him. Cas took a deep breath and blew it out. "Give me something, anything, Gabriel. I am trying here. I have been, for years."

Gabe hung his head. "I know. I just…I love her, Cas. I was with her for a long time before I was born into her son. I know that human, better than I know myself, it seems. She does not deserve this. Forget the prophecies, forget Dean, forget The Father. All of it. She deserves better. And I am the one that has doomed her to it."

"So, what do you suggest?" Cas inquired softly.

Gabriel honestly didn't have a clue.

Gabriel woke to the sounds of Ryan's melodious voice singing Happy Birthday to him. He glanced around. He and Cas had talked long into the night, about Ryan, about the prophecies, everything, and hadn't come up with any clue as to what to do for her. But he smiled up at her as she presented him with a birthday cupcake, complete with a candle in it. He looked past her to see Dean smiling at him a bit uncertainly and Jon grinning from ear-to-ear. He looked into the eyes of his mother and smiled. "Make a wish," she told him as she handed him the cupcake.

He looked at the dancing flame on the candle. _I don't believe in wishes, but if I did, it would be that you would be okay. Please, Ryan, Mom, be okay. _He blew the candle out in a puff and Jon clapped for him. He smiled. "Thanks."

Dean's eyebrow popped up as he walked in the room. "Don't you think you need to tell your mom something?"

Ryan's eyes widened as she looked at Dean before she looked back at him. "What?"

Gabriel blushed. "I, uh, kinda got all my juice back last night. At midnight."

Ryan blinked once, twice, three times, before she said, "Oh."

"It's cool. I mean, I get it. I'm still a kid. I just…"

"You know everything. You remember everything."

He looked down bashfully at his blanket. It had stars and planets on it. His stuffed monkey, Blue, was propped up on his nightstand in case he needed it in the night. Nothing had changed, and everything had changed. "Sort of? Yeah, I guess so."

"So, what does that mean?"

"Nothing. I'm still me, Mom."

Two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. "Are you sure?"

He sat the cupcake down and climbed onto his knees. "I know a lot of stuff. I'm old, ancient, really, but I've never had a mom like you. So, heck yes, I'm still me. And I love you. I know you inside and out. And I'm so glad you're my mom."

Ryan sucked in a sob and threw her arms around him. "I love you," she whispered in his ear.

He hugged her for all he was worth. He might be an archangel, but he was still in a ten year old vessel. And he loved Ryan more than anything, possibly even more than The Father. That could complicate things in time. But for now, it would do. "Thank you, for helping me make this become a reality," he whispered in her ear. "You were a risk, a mystery, and the most certain thing I'd ever known."

She sobbed louder and clung to him until her tears abated.

He pulled away and smiled, wiping a few tears of his own. "So…I'm getting more than just this measly cupcake, right?"

Ryan laughed through her tears. "Yes, Gabriel, I promise. I'm making you a huge monstrosity for you to eat your way out of."

He pulled away and looked at her. "You called me Gabriel."

She ran her thumb down his cheek. "Well, you are, aren't you?"

He nodded. "I am. But I'm Bobby, too. I always have been. Hope gave me that name and I wear it in honor of a great man. I didn't get to meet him, but I know of him. Through you…" he glanced at Dean. "And through Dad."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "Okay. So, breakfast pancakes before I start constructing the candy-covered cake you requested, sound good?"

He smiled. He would do whatever it took to protect this family. He was part of a legitimate prophecy now. But still, he would do things his own way. After all, he _was _still The Trickster…

* * *

**August Sixth**

**Ryan POV**

She glanced at her watch and yelled, "Winchesters Assemble!" Everyone gathered in the back yard. She glanced at the crew gathered before her; six humans, three angels, two cambions, a demon, and whatever the hell she was with the demon and angel in her, all going on a cruise together. What could possibly go wrong? She glanced at Dean. "Remind me again why we thought this would be a good idea?"

He looked at their rag-tag family and grinned. "You said 'family vacation'. Who knew Cas would want to come along?"

"I think he just wants to see Tory in a bikini."

Dean chuckled as he pulled her closer and kissed her lips. "Well, I'm kinda eager to see you in one as well."

She smiled up at him before she turned and whistled loudly. "Okay. Since we have so many supernatural beings, we're saving money on airfare by flying demon or angel air. We'll make a few trips." She eyed her son speculatively. Just because Gabriel had gotten his wings, didn't mean she was sure she wanted to fly with him, but she wasn't going to trust him with anyone else. "Does everyone have their partners?"

Jon smiled from Dean's arms, Cas was transporting Sam and Steven, then Tory and Andrea. Hope was taking Krissy then coming back for Ben, and Jesse didn't need any help, so that was everyone. Charlie and Claire were keeping things under control at the bunker, and everything was going to go smoothly, right?

"You look worried, Mama," Gabriel told her as he slipped a hand in hers.

"You sure you can fly me, Gabe?" Somehow, they'd slowly stopped calling him 'Bobby' and he accepted it, though he still answered to both names.

He grinned that Winchester grin and nodded. "Absolutely."

She blew out a breath. "Okay. We're going first and we'll meet you all there." Gabriel grabbed her hand tighter and she closed her eyes as the sensations whoosh around her and then suddenly, she smelled the ocean.

"You can open your eyes now," her son told her.

She opened them and smiled as she saw the port in front of them. "Awesome, bud."

"Yeah, great job," Dean stated as he appeared next to them.

"Good trip, Jonny-Cake?" she asked her youngest.

"Yep! I'm good!" he shouted at his usual volume.

She glanced around and counted as everyone appeared and she smiled when they were all reassembled. "Okay, let's get this vacation started."

Later that night, Ryan was standing out on the balcony when she felt Dean at her back. She turned and smiled up at him. "This…this is awesome, Dean."

"You're awesome," he told her as he sat her wine glass down and pulled her back into the room.

"What are you…?" she began, but then his lips dipped to hers and she lost all form of coherent thought as his hands began to roam, right to the zipper of her dress. She felt it pool at her feet and she stepped out of it. "Dean…"

"I need you, Ryan."

"You've got me," she purred as he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

He pulled away and stood to look at her with hunger in his eyes. He made a motion with his head and soft music began playing. She smirked. "You're getting good at that."

"Lots of practice lately, I suppose," he murmured as he began unfastening the straps on her sandals. He took one off and kissed her foot, sucking her big toe into his mouth and she felt the sensation shoot through her and she whimpered. He chuckled under his breath as he repeated the gesture on the other foot before he crawled back up her.

"Take off your clothes," she replied huskily.

He stopped and grinned. "Well, when your woman demands you naked, you comply." He quickly divested himself of his clothing and looked at her. She was still in her strapless bra and panties. "Well, now you're the one overdressed."

She smiled. "Think you could help a girl out?"

"Probably." He dropped back to her lightly and instead of unfastening her bra, simply pulled it down and began attacking her breasts with his mouth. Her hands dove into his hair as she whined in need.

He pulled away, reached behind her to unfasten her bra, and sat up on his knees to look down at her. "You are the most beautiful creature in the world."

She blushed. "No I'm not. I'm not twenty anymore, Dean."

He regarded her. "No, you're not. Thankfully, you aren't. I don't want you to be her. I met her. She was sad and broken. But not you, Ryan. You've pulled yourself up and fixed yourself to the best of your abilities. Sure, I can see the cracks, the seams, but you're all put together. And that's the woman I'm proud to be with. That's the woman I think is the most beautiful creature in the world. If not the entire world, certainly in mine."

She smiled as she felt her cheeks dampen. "Why are you so good to me, Dean?"

He pulled her underwear from her body and covered her once more as he propped himself up on his elbows. "I'm good to you because I want to be. Because I feel it, in here," he said as he touched his chest. "Cas reminded me once that I was more than just a demon. I should have listened to him then. If I had gone to Sam then, I would have been a part of this family long before now. I get it," he added quickly, "And I'm pretty much over the hurt associated with that, but it wasn't just you. If I hadn't run away from Sammy, if I had come back, you'd have taken me then, wouldn't you?"

"Damn straight," she murmured as she pulled his head down to hers. She kissed him with as much passion as she could muster. "I love you with everything I am. I am yours. I belong to you, Dean. I always have. But now…this…it's perfect."

Something clouded his eyes. "What?" she asked fearfully.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I just…I feel like we're walking a tightrope. I'll be glad when I can get this thing off my arm and can be a human for you again."

Her hand went to his face. "You know I love you as you are."

"I know. But I think, if we could just get this…this thing out of me, then we could fix you, too."

"I thought you just said I wasn't broken," she stated softly. She wouldn't let him know how much the comment hurt her.

"No! No, Ryan, that wasn't what I meant. This…the darkness in you? It's not supposed to be there. I know it. Cas knows it. Even Gabriel knows it. And we just want…"

"You three have talked about this? About me?" her tone didn't quite sound as indignant as she felt.

"We're worried!" he told her.

"Get off me," she growled as she tried to push him away.

He held her fast. "No. You don't get to be angry because we care about you, Ryan. We want to save you."

"Maybe I don't want to be saved," she argued. "Maybe I like it."

"Maybe that's the monster in you trying to claw its way out," he countered.

She slapped him and he grabbed her wrist, forcing it out to the side. He held her steady and she couldn't find that anger, muster that spark, to make him move. His eyes widened. "You can't, can you? You can't make the demon come up now, can you?"

"No," she whispered. "I can't. But you're hurting me."

He let her go as if she'd burnt him and he sat up on his knees. "I'm sorry. Ryan, I'm so sorry…"

She shook her head as she, too, sat and turned away from him as she curled up in a ball. "No, it's fine. Trust me. I'd have hurt you then, if I could." She gasped in a breath. "Is this what I am? Am I going to be like this? Desiring to hurt you? To want to…"

"No, Ryan. It isn't you. It's that…that _thing _trying to claw its way to the surface. And it's because of me. I'm sorry. I can't stop it. I can't do anything, not until Jon's old enough to take The Mark. We're just going to watch you for now. I can't lose you, Ryan. I can't…we can't lose you."

She sucked in a ragged breath. "So, you three have a plan?" His silence answered for her and she sighed. "Great." She swallowed the tears she wanted to spill over at the thought of her impending doom and put on a smile as she turned back to him. "Well, for now, I'm going to just enjoy this vacation with my man and my kids, all my kids, and my brothers and my sisters." She sat up on her knees as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I love you, Dean, no matter what. If…if things have to be taken care of, at least we've got this time together. I never, in a million years thought I'd get it. Please, let's just enjoy it."

He looked worried so she traced a finger over his frown line on his forehead. "Stop worrying. Hey, I didn't turn right then, right? So…that's progress."

"I guess…we need to tell Cas."

"We will. Tomorrow. Right now, though, I need you. I need you to love me, Dean. No matter how damaged I am. I'm put together with duct tape and determination. Love that part of me anyway."

"I always have," he muttered as he hugged her to him tightly. "I love you no matter what."

"Promise?" she asked, hating the fear in her voice.

"I swear it, Ryan."

It would do. For now.

The next morning, they sought out Cas and relayed what happened. His eyebrow shot up as he eyed Gabriel. "What?" Ryan asked.

Cas shook his head and walked over to her son. She and Dean followed.

"Gabriel? What are you doing?" Cas demanded.

The little boy looked at him with a bored expression. "What?"

"What did you do to your mom?"

He looked down at his plate full of doughnuts and breakfast pastries. "I, uh, I remembered a spell." He glanced up. "Why? How did you…"

"I felt that anger bubbling but it wouldn't come to the surface," she told him.

He smiled. "Yes! It worked!"

"What hoo-doo are you playing at?" Dean asked softly. "Not that I mind. Trust me. I didn't want her going full demon on a cruise ship full of innocent people. I'm just curious."

The boy shrugged. "I dabbled in a lot of dark magic as Loki. I just…it was one I was taught by this witch." He smirked. "She was one wild ride, I tell you…" At the glances they sent his way, he cleared his throat. "Anyway, she was just your basic human, only, hey, since when are real witches anything basic? She taught me a few tricks. I amended one and did it to Mom. It should help."

"This witch…is she still in business?"

Gabriel shrugged. "I don't know. I've been out of commission for the past ten years, in case you didn't notice. And I was out a few years before that, too. I didn't take Ryan for a spin, you know."

Ryan winced. "And for that, I'm quite grateful."

He shrugged again. "Look…we'll check into the witch at another time. Right now, just accept the fact I reworked one of her spells and for now, it's working."

Ryan regarded her son. "How powerful _are _you, Gabriel?"

He smiled. "I've had a long time to learn about the world. Not just being an angel, but the human magics and the dark magics. I know them all. Every one. What is cursed and snubbed and looked down upon by my brothers and sisters, I embraced. Because it's better to know your limitations, know your enemies, than be caught unawares." He smirked. "Like Cas and Eve. I heard all about your brief time together, trying to get Purgatory, Cas. And one day, you will tell me what in the heck you were thinking."

Cas hung his head a moment before his eyes narrowed and shot to Gabriel's. "I will not be chastised by a child, Gabriel."

Gabriel shot him a look over his juice cup. He took a sip and sat the cup down gently before he stood. "Look, I know I'm a kid. We've established that. But I think you all fail to realize just what you're dealing with here with me. Don't forget how powerful I really am. I'm the most powerful thing on the planet right now. So I suggest you don't. Push. Me. Castiel."

"Okay, okay, pissing contest over," Ryan stated as she stepped in between them, placing a gentle hand on both their chests and pushing them apart as they stood almost toe-to-toe. "Let's not do this now, on a cruise ship, out in the middle of the freaking ocean, alright, boys? No need to get into an angelic power-off over here. Both of you are powerful. You're worthy, blah, blah, blah…" She rolled her eyes and growled, "Honestly. With all the boys and alleged men in my family either catfighting or manopausing, _someone _should sack up and be an adult. I'm recommending the ones who aren't currently in ten year old vessels for the moment."

Both angels, as well as Dean, looked at her and she shrugged. "What? I want to enjoy my vacation. Gabriel loves me and he put a spell on me. I'm not pissed. I'm happy. Let me be happy. Please?" she ended softly. "For this vacation, we aren't angels and demons and all that other crap. We're a family. We have happy moments and sad, but right now, help me build these happy memories."

Both angels looked contrite. "Sorry," Gabriel muttered.

"I apologize," Castiel replied.

She smiled. "Good. Because I'm starving. I did a lot of exercise last night and this morning." Her smile grew as she bent to give Gabriel a kiss on the hair, gave Cas a one-armed hug, and walked to the buffet line to join Andy and Tory.

* * *

**Dean POV**

If you would have told him fourteen months ago, he'd be sitting on a beach, drinking a beer with his brother as his boys played in the ocean and his woman sunbathed a few towels over, he would have laughed in your face. And yet… "Family time. What an odd concept," he muttered as he reached into the cooler next to him. "Beer?"

"Absolutely," Sam muttered as he checked his phone.

"Man, would you quit with the phone checking? Hope is a friggin' angel of the Lord. I think she can babysit Steven who happens to be asleep at the moment."

"I know, I know, I just…"

Dean chuckled as he held out his beer bottle for Sam to cheers. Sam looked over at him, smiled, and clinked his bottle with Dean's. Dean took a generous gulp of his beer and looked out into the water where Gabriel and Jon were playing. It had become so easy to call Bobby 'Gabriel', he wasn't certain anyone had even noticed. And he was definitely the angel. There was no doubting that smart mouth. Although, apparently, Bobby always did have a smart mouth. A familial trait, no doubt. "This is weird."

"What? Having a vacation? Or a life outside of torture and bookwork?"

"Ha," Dean scoffed as he rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "I'm serious. I'm a demon. On a beach. Just chillin' with my brother while my angel kid and demon kid play in the water. On a scale of one to one million on the weird-o-meter, I'm maxing out, man."

Sam chortled. "Well, if it's any consolation, this is par for the course for me. I've gone on vacations with them plenty of times."

Dean's eyes narrowed as he regarded his brother. He knew, deep down somewhere, Sam was one hundred percent in love with Andy. But there was still those damn too many years it was just Sam and Ryan. Alone. Together. It wasn't something he was going to be able to let go of with a snap of his fingers. He could rationalize Ryan not telling him the truth, Sam backing her up, and Cas keeping it all under raps, but the fact that Sam had touched Ryan, what was _his _was a little too much. That one would require a lot more time and probably a hell of a lot more booze to eventually let go of, if then.

"You're looking particularly demon-ish, Dean. Got something you wanna say?" Sam asked after he took another sip of beer.

Dean blew out a breath and willed the anger away. After all this time, he'd gotten used to channeling it. He'd have to pop downstairs for a bit later in the evening, work off some of this aggression building. He felt sure Meg had someone on the rack he could deal with. He didn't feel like digging up enough righteous anger to torture Raeburn. That could wait. Let the little slimeball sit and stew a bit more. The anticipation would drive him batty. "I'm good."

Sam's eyebrow popped up over the top of his sunglasses and Dean lowered his glasses to look at his brother. "I'm good, man. Really. No rogue nuke over here."

"Good. Looks like we dodged a bullet with that one, too," Sam commented as he nodded his head in Ryan's direction. At Dean's look, Sam shrugged. "Ryan, Andy and Tory tell each other everything. _Every_thing. And what I've overheard is an overshare, trust me."

Dean chortled as he glanced Ryan's way. She was laying on a towel, reading, her head facing the beach so she could glance up and check on their boys playing in the surf. Andy was on one side of her, Tory, the other, with an iPod and speaker situated so Ryan could change the music when she wanted. "Yeah, looks like Gabe put some hoo-doo on her."

"Magic now? We're relying on Loki to perform magic?"

"It's one of the things he's good at, Sam. What do you want me to say? I love the little asshole."

Sam laughed. "Yeah, me too. And you can say what you want about how he treated us, back in the day, but his love for Ryan is absolute. Hope loves Ryan, beyond a shadow of a doubt. But Gabriel has been _in _Ryan. He knows how she ticks. It made him love her more, I think."

Dean's lip curled. "That's disturbing to think about."

Sam chuckled again. "I don't think angels look at it quite like that, Dean."

"It's still creepy as fuck."

"You don't see me arguing, do you?"

They were silent for a few moments. "So, look…" Dean began.

Sam turned to face him. "Yeah?"

"Ryan told me about the vampire backup plan."

"Yeah…"

Dean blew out a breath. "I wanna be the one to do it."

"Dean…"

Dean held up a hand. "No. Hear me out. I can…I can get her to purgatory without killing her. I can just…take her there."

"That isn't how it works, Dean."

"It could work."

"No. It couldn't, and you know it."

"Why?"

Sam gazed out into the water a moment. "When you became a demon, when I told Ryan, she collapsed. Fainted dead away. The shock was too much for her. Well, she pulled herself up and handled it. When her powers started manifesting, and we couldn't figure out why, she sucked it up and dealt with it. When she found out about Lucifer's plan for her, she went to find answers. When Cas fixed her, but she didn't stay fixed, she did the best she could. And when she almost turned, in Purgatory, even though it was to save her son, well, she came up with a backup plan. It's our job to honor her wishes, Dean."

"But if I could get her there without killing her…"

"Before or after she murdered someone innocent?" Sam sighed. "Look, I see the differences in you, man. Sure, you're Dean, yeah, but you're different, too."

Dean held in the hurt, but just barely. "I'm trying, here, Sam."

Sam held up both hands. "I'm not saying you're not, but you're still just enough different…you're managing the best you can. You're handling the demon in you. And that's great, because, we couldn't handle you otherwise. I don't think anyone could. If you went darkside, permanently, we couldn't have dealt with it. But Ryan doesn't want it to get that far. She's afraid, man. She's terrified. Not everyone who turns into a demon turns out like you, Dean. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. She's afraid, deep down, she's going to be a true monster, something we'll have to hunt down. And she'd rather take herself out than take that risk and have human, innocent blood on her hands. Can't you respect that?"

"I can respect the hell out of it all day long. Doesn't mean I have to like it," Dean grumbled. "Just…what if it were Andy, Sam? Huh? What if she was the one that had this…this darkness growing in her? What would you do?"

Sam opened his mouth and closed it before he blew a breath out of his nose. "I'd honor her wishes. Dean, I've known Ryan all through this, from the very beginning. It scares the absolute shit out of me, but I know she wants to do what's best."

"By killing herself?"

"By not becoming the thing she's most afraid of," Sam told him softly.

"Like me?" Dean ground out.

Sam sighed. "You don't get it. Ryan loves you in spite of your twisted soul. If hers twisted, too, she's terrified she wouldn't love anyone or anything. You're The Righteous Man, Dean. And that makes a difference. Cas said it did. And he's right. Ryan isn't. She's been marked by Satan to release him."

"So? You were supposed to be his meatsuit, Sam."

"And I was, in case you don't remember."

"But you locked him away."

Sam nodded slowly. "I did, yes. But what are the odds of Ryan being able to if she's the one that lets him out? He wouldn't want me now, I'm purified. Cas and I have thought of every single angle this thing could go south, Dean. We've got contingency plans out the ass in case it happens. Ryan knows what's best for her. Respect that, would you?"

"So you are just gonna take a machete and slice off the head of someone you love? Someone you wanted a relationship with? Someone you fell in love with?"

"It wouldn't be the first time I've killed someone I love!" Sam all but shouted.

Dean winced as he remembered…Madison. One of the first women Sammy had truly fallen for after Jessica. "Sam…"

"No, Dean. I'm strong enough. I might not be able to kill you, God only knows why, but for Ryan, there's nothing I wouldn't do for her, if she asked me to. Not even killing her."

Dean swallowed as he glanced back over at Ryan. She had called the boys in for more sunscreen. He could see Gabriel grousing but going along with it as Ryan rubbed some on his nose and his burgeoning freckles. He could hear Gabe fussing about the sunscreen, and Ryan berating him. Since he'd turned, in Purgatory, he'd become a tad more sensitive to the sun. Not enough for it to be a problem, but definitely enough where he would burn if he stayed out too long in it without a ton of sunscreen. Dean sighed as he turned back to his brother. "Sorry, Sam…I just…"

"Don't, Dean. I know. You just got her back, man. I get that. But she's so happy now. You haven't seen how miserable she was without you."

"I did," Dean told him softly. "I saw Castiel's memories. He gave them to me. Not all of them, Ryan asked him not to share some of her lowest points, but I got the highlights. She's…"

"Depressed. Clinically. I know. She has been for years. It's only gotten worse. In the beginning, she was fine, but then…" Sam blew out a breath. "I think the demon blood in her is really having an adverse effect on her depression. But with you here, I've really seen a dramatic improvement. It makes me wonder if a study was done on people with their soul mates versus ones without…"

"You were a happy guy, even without Andy, Sam."

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, but I didn't have her and lose her like Ryan has with you, Dean. You don't get it, do you? I didn't get it myself, so I can't fault you for that, but Ryan…she's a special case. She's always had you in her life, from _birth_, Dean. So…every time she has had you and lost you, it's killed her a little more inside. I don't even think she's realized it, but that's how soul mates work, I think. Once you've ever been with them, you yearn for them. There's a piece of you missing until you're reunited with them."

"But why didn't I? Am I so broken, I didn't…?"

"You did, Dean. I saw it, too. You've always had a piece missing, have, forever. I saw how changed you were after you and Dad came back from that haunting in North Carolina, the first time you met her as an adult. I'm assuming the two of you…" he cleared his throat. "I noticed. You were different."

"I was?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, you were. And every day it seemed like you dimmed a little bit. You became harder. You stopped being you and slowly started being John Winchester's little bitch. Sure, you were to begin with, you always respected what he said more than I did, but you just…it was like you gave up on having anything for yourself. And I think it was because she was there, waiting for you." Sam smirked. "Only you were too stupid to notice."

"Hey. I'll have you know, I had fully intended on asking her to join me hunting, but then New Orleans happened and she left…and then I was pissed and hurt and…"

"And you ran away instead of trying to find her." Sam sighed as his gaze traveled back to the water where Andy, Ryan, and Tory had joined the boys in the water. He smiled as he saw them all splashing, shrieking, and laughing. "Do you ever think what would have happened if we had both given Dad a big old 'fuck you' and went off, together? Maybe we would have…"

"Wish in one hand, Sammy," Dean muttered as he refused the wistfulness associated with those thoughts.

Sam chuckled. "Ryan says the same thing." He smiled. "You two are a lot alike, Dean."

"Too much alike?"

Sam shook his head, his grin still firmly in place. "Nah, you're enough different to cause sparks to fly. But the alike parts…they compliment each other."

Dean felt heat rising to his face. "When did we turn into a bunch of girls, Sammy?"

Sam shrugged as he drained his beer. "Hell if I know, but I'm not complaining. I've got my brother back. My best friend is happy. I've got a wonderful wife, a terrific son, and everything else is working out in life. I've got zero complains, Dean." His voice dropped as the women slowly came walking back up the beach. "And I suggest you just enjoy it while it lasts."

That night, after dinner, Krissy snagged Steven from Sam's arms. "You grown ups go do your thing."

Sam's brows knit and Ryan looked surprised. "What?"

Ben grabbed Jon and hoisted him onto his shoulders. "You guys are going out partying while we all stay in."

"But…" Andy began.

"But nothing. I already called Cas back from checking in upstairs and he's waiting on the deck. We'd better not see any of you for at least a few hours," Hope replied.

"This is your vacation, too," Tory told her.

Jesse shrugged. "We don't have kids. Don't want any, don't need any. But you do. Go, enjoy being together with who you love."

Dean smiled at the four oldest kids as he grasped Ryan's arm and linked it through his. "What do you say, Ryan?"

She glanced at her two best friends, smirked, and said, "Don't wait up."

He led her out on the deck where Castiel was waiting, holding a rose for Tory. Dean's eyebrow shot up. "Flowers? Dude, you're putting me and Sammy to shame."

Cas smiled briefly at Dean before his eyes lit to Victoria. Tonight was formal night at dinner. Dean and Sam were both in tuxedos and the girls were all dressed in very elegant dresses. "You're ravishing, Victoria," the angel told her.

She smirked. "And I'd like to ravage you," she purred as she fingered the lapel of his tuxedo.

Ryan tugged on Dean's arm. "Once Tory gets that look in her eye, your best bet is to leave before you catch a show."

Sam chortled as he led Andy down the deck a bit. "She's not wrong," he called behind him toward Dean.

Ryan laughed and turned to Dean. "Yeah, well, I bet we could give them a show, too."

Dean smiled as he bent down to kiss her lips. "No offense, but I don't want you showing anything off to them."

She laughed. "Like everyone present hasn't seen me naked before."

Dean winced. "Please. Spare me."

She rolled her eyes, but tugged him toward Sam and Andy. "Fine. What'cha wanna do, Andy?"

Andy hummed as she thought. "Well, drinking is always good."

Ryan nodded. "Yep."

"And dancing! We could go dancing!"

Dean and Sam both groaned, but went along as the two women began discussing which on-board club to try out. They ended up at one of the rock clubs, which, at least, was playing some decent music. Some of it was a bit screechy for him, the new stuff was crap, but at least they were playing some classic rock mixed in. He grabbed the drinks while Sam and Cas found a table and the three women hit the dance floor.

He returned with three beers and whistled as he caught sight of their girls shaking it. "Damn. Not that I'm macking on your girls, but…"

"They're hot together," Sam admitted.

"Yes. I would have enjoyed some of the things Tory wished would have happened between the three of them," Cas stated.

The two brothers just looked at him. Cas grinned. "What? Am I not allowed to think that?"

Dean chortled and held out his beer for Cas to cheers with him. "See, Sam? I told you showing him porn was a good thing."

"You're both perverts. I'm the only normal one around here. And I'm sitting between a demon and an angel. What in the hell is my life?"

Dean and Cas shared a look before they both laughed.

"It is quite odd to realize, isn't it?" Castiel stated after sipping the beer. "But I can not find it within me to complain. It isn't exactly as I would have planned, but I am quite happy with life as a whole."

"I can imagine you are, you angel freak," Dean muttered, but his tone was nothing but teasing.

"So says the evil creature in the room," Cas shot back.

Dean's mouth fell open before he gave a great belly laugh. "Just when I think I know you, Cas, you surprise me."

The angel just smiled.

They watched the girls dance until the song finished and they all came back only slightly winded as they each snagged their guys' beers.

"I was drinking that," Dean began as Ryan downed it.

She handed him the empty bottle and grabbed his hand. "And you can get another. Later."

He glanced at Sam, who was being pulled to his feet by Andy and shrugged. "Cas, order us some more booze."

"I've got it," Tory said with a wink as she let out a whistle toward a waitress.

Dean watched as Tory flirted with the girl and he chuckled as Ryan rounded on him. At her raised eyebrow, he muttered, "Looks like Cas has his hands full."

Ryan glanced back at her friend. "Tory's bisexual. She's a Domme. She's badass and she knows it. Yeah, our innocent little angel definitely has his hands full."

"Looks like he's managing," he stated as he saw Tory whispering into the angel's ear.

Ryan smirked. "Yeah, well, it was a surprise to me when I realized there was more to their relationship than meets the eye. I'm glad for her. Did you know the reason I met her was because her fiancé was killed by vampires?"

He shook his head. "I didn't ever really know Allard very well. We worked with her on a case or two, but it was evident she wasn't into either of us, and, well…" he trailed off as he realized how that sounded.

To his surprise, Ryan laughed. "Yeah, well, you wouldn't have been her type. Sam…maybe. But she and Andy both knew I had a thing for one of you, they just didn't know which one."

"Really…? Interesting."

Her mouth dropped open as she realized what she said. "Only because I didn't tell!" she yelped. "I couldn't tell either of them about Hope, and that's when I met up with them both, was after Hope. When…when the Leviathans pretended to be you and Sam, they saw how wigged I got, how Hope reacted, they had an inkling I was into one of you. I think Tory might have known. She knew Sam wasn't my type…" she trailed off at his grin. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just glad to see Sam was never your type."

She cleared her throat. "Yeah, well, there's only one Dean Winchester and he's mine."

"Damn straight," he muttered as a slow song started and she started humming. "You know this one?" he asked.

She nodded as she laid her head on his chest and they moved. He listened to the words about the guy's lover and it reminded him of Ryan. "What's this called?"

"Hmmm? Oh, it's 'Take Me To Church' by Hozier."

"I like it. It reminds me of you."

She smiled up at him and pulled his head down to kiss his lips. He pulled away and told her; "You can have all of me, Ryan. Everything that's left. You already do."

"You have all of me, Dean. Every little speck. I've given myself to you, mind, body, soul, it's all yours."

They slowly moved until the song came to a close and the DJ said something Dean wasn't paying attention to. He glanced over at Sam, who was slowly moving with Andy and he smiled. He couldn't imagine being any happier than he was at that moment.

It was short lived, however, as the song went off and another one started. Ryan stiffened in his arms and he saw Sam wince. Dean was confused for about a half a second before he realized what song it was. The song. The one she sang for Sam. That night. The night they almost had sex. He stiffened as well and pulled away but Ryan tightened her grip on his shirt. "No, Dean."

"Ryan…"

"No, please," she whispered.

"Ryan…"

She stiffened her back. "No. I'm not doing this. Fuck this. I love this song and I'll be damned if I'm going to let this be a problem any longer." She pulled the pins from her hair, shook it out, and began slowly, sensuously rubbing herself on him.

"Ryan…what the fuck are you doing?"

Her eyes lit to his and her gaze hardened. "I'm not letting this song be ruined anymore. It was you I was singing it for, Dean. It was you I thought of, that night, as I sang. I could feel you there. I felt that feeling I always feel when you're with me, that whole feeling. I got horny that night because _you _were there. So, no, this song was never for _him_. It was always for you."

He felt her hands all over him and his body responded immediately. He vaguely heard Sam mutter, "Wow. It was just awkward before, but now my brain hates my eyes for what they're seeing."

Dean heard Andy giggle and reply, "Let me make it less awkward for you. I'm not wearing any underwear."

Dean chuckled. Looked like they were all getting lucky tonight. And wasn't that just one of the best things ever? He grasped Ryan's hands and turned her so his erection was grinding into her ass. His tongue flicked out to the shell of her ear. "I need you, Ryan. There's a sunbathing deck one floor up."

She turned in his arms. "I think I'd be okay to fly demon air, Dean."

That was all the encouragement he needed as he grasped her wrist and imagined them on the abandoned deck.

She shivered slightly in the ocean breeze. "Cold?" he asked as his finger traced up her arm to her bare shoulder.

She smiled. "I'm sure you could warm me up."

"Top or bottom?" he asked as he led her to a lounge chair.

"Both."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Yes ma'am." He tugged at the zipper on her back and her dress pooled at her feet, revealing she, too, had gone without underwear, had, in fact, worn nothing under her dress at all. He let out a whistle. "Damn, babe, if I had known what you weren't hiding under your clothes, we would have been up here an hour ago."

She bit her lip and it turned into a smile as she unbuttoned his jacket and tugged it from his shoulders. He let it fall behind him as her nimble fingers began undoing the million buttons on his shirt. "Well, I like to keep a few surprises up my sleeve for you."

"But you hate surprises," he countered.

"I don't mind good surprises," she whispered as she pulled his head down to hers for a kiss.

She tasted like beer and Ryan and she was utterly delicious as his tongue plundered her mouth. He felt her hands moving all over him as she lifted his tee and began unfastening his pants. He lifted his arms and they broke the kiss as he pulled his shirt off. He toed off his shoes and managed to step out of his pants only a moment before she turned them so he landed on the lounge chair. She looked down at him and smirked. "Well, look at that. I made the king of Hell fall at my feet.

He grinned up at her. "You always have, Ryan."

She brushed her hair out of her face and slowly, sensually, sank down onto him. She kissed him tenderly. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too." He looked up at her as she began to move, riding him at a slow tempo, slowly bringing them to the top. His hands continued their exploration of her gorgeous body until he pulled her down to him so he could kiss her once more. "I need you, every minute of every damn day," he murmured into her ear.

"I've needed you as long as I've breathed," she responded. "I never knew how much I needed you until recently."

He sat up, changing the angle of her thrusts and she let out a keening wail he silenced with his mouth as she came. He smiled as she went limp in his arms. "My turn to run the show," he growled as he stood, bringing her with him. He laid her down gently on the chair and looked her over from top to bottom. "You know, for a hunter, you're kind of skinny."

"Bite me," she replied teasingly.

His eyebrow rose. "Oh, I plan to. I plan to have my wicked, wicked way with you."

She licked her lips. "Do your worst, Winchester."

He gently dropped back onto the chair into her waiting arms. Her legs eagerly wrapped around his waist as he teased her with tiny thrusts, hitting her clit over and over as he peppered her face, neck, and chest with kisses. Finally, when she was whimpering with need, he gave one violent push and seated himself within her. He felt her clenching immediately as she finally exploded, her need for him too great.

When she came down from the high, he immediately began taking her back up to the top, using his teeth to mark her on her neck and breasts. Her fingers gripped his hair, pulling roughly and he moaned as he felt himself drawing close. "Ryan…" he warned.

"Come, Dean," she commanded lightly.

His eyes met hers as their lips fused and they came apart in each other's arms.

After he had found them a towel and they got redressed, Ryan pulled him back down toward the chair. "Let's sit here and just enjoy the night and talk."

He was all smiles as he dropped down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. She situated herself so she used his bicep as a pillow.

"This is nice," she muttered sleepily.

"Yeah, it is." He kissed the shell of her ear and she hummed in contentment. "Can I say something?"

She turned slightly to look at him. "Of course."

"Don't do it."

"Do what?"

"Don't go vampy."

She sighed. "Dean…"

"No, hear me out, okay? You yourself said destiny follows free will. You're choosing to become a vampire one day."

"To avoid setting the devil loose on the world again."

"True. But let me handle this, okay? I'll be…"

"What?" She was silent a moment before she sucked in breath of air. "Dean, honey, I can't do that. I can't be the person that dooms us all. That's…it's too much. It's too much on me that I'm raising the next rulers of the damn under, upper, and whatever the fuck Purgatory is worlds, I can't be responsible for the next apocalypse, too. You have to see that."

"I do. But, damn it, Ryan, I just got you back. I can't let you go already."

"I won't be far," she murmured sadly. "I'll just be next door. You can visit me…"

"Why can't I just take you there, whole?"

She sucked in another breath. "Because, a human soul can always find their way out of Purgatory. If I go in there human, I can always escape. But if I stay there, as a vampire, I'm stuck. I can't even travel to Hell. And that might be for the best."

"It isn't. It sucks balls."

She chuckled lightly and turned to kiss him. "Whoever said life was fair?"

They lay there in silence a few moments more. "I don't like it."

"You think I do?" she countered. "Dean, I just got _you _back. Do you think I _want _to die?"

"I think you're depressed."

She didn't have a snappy comeback, it seemed, as she was quiet for a few moments before she nodded her head. "Yes. I am. I've been depressed and suicidal my whole life. Those kids are the only thing that kept me as sane as I am up until this point."

"Sam said the demon stuff is making it worse."

"He's very astute, isn't he?"

"Well, he did get into Stanford."

She was quiet a moment more, before she nodded. "I think he's right. This demon stuff isn't helping me. It's nothing but darkness. It oozes and pools within me until it bursts its way to the surface and all I see is anger."

"Yeah, that's how The Mark did me in the beginning."

"I don't understand why, though."

"Neither do I, Ryan. But I'll do right by you, okay?"

"What does that mean?" she asked softly.

This time, he sucked in a breath, willing the words away, but knowing he needed to be the one to say it. "I'll do it. Let me do it. If your human body has to be destroyed, let me do it."

"Dean…"

"No. You're powerful, Ryan. This…this thing in you? Your connection to me? I'm afraid if anyone else tried, it wouldn't work. Cain killed Collette with The First Blade. Now, it may not be what kept her dead, but I have an inkling that's why she didn't come back. And I'm afraid, if you start to go, or turn vampy, or whatever, the demon will overpower it. And if it does, we need a backup plan to your backup plan and I've got the juice."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears thick in her voice. "Why are our lives so complicated?"

He chuckled flatly. "Because. One day, an angel got the bright idea to tie you to the most poisonous creature in existence. Me. And because of that, you've been fucked over three ways from Sunday."

She turned in his arms to look up at him. She put a gentle hand on his face and reached up to kiss his lips. "I wouldn't want anyone but you, Dean. You're perfect for me. I just wish I'd have had more faith in you."

He shrugged. "I was the thing you were most terrified of, Ryan. Why would you ever think you could trust me?"

"Because. You're Dean. It's that simple. I've screwed this so bad. Why are you staying with me?"

He brushed an errant curl out of her face. "Because, stupid, I love you, too, you know."

"I don't know why."

"Angel. Cupid. Ring any bells?"

"Is that it? Is that the only reason?"

He thought a moment before he shook his head. "Nah. The cupid thing is nice, I guess, the whole soul mate thing, but, no, I'd love you anyway. Look at Sammy. It took a cupid and _his _soul mate to get him away from you."

"Dean…"

"I'm not finished," he told her gruffly. "You're this awesome ray of light, Ryan. I know you can't see it, and sometimes it's dimmed by your depression or the demon mojo, but it's there. You're like sunlight. People want to stand in that warmth you give off."

"That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." She reached up and kissed him again before she snuggled into his chest. "Thank you."

"Thank you, for trusting me," he told her as he felt her drifting off to sleep. He kissed her hair as he listened to the soft sounds of the ocean around him. He could have picked her up and carried her to their room, but he decided to sit there and enjoy the solitude a little bit.

He didn't realize he had drifted off to sleep until he felt her stir. "Oh! Dean…we gotta go."

He blinked his eyes open and looked around. "Wh…what?"

She smiled. "It's almost morning." She glanced out on the eastern horizon and his mouth fell open in awe as the sun broke over the water.

"Whoa." They stood and walked to the railing.

She smiled softly. "Kinda makes it hard to believe people _don't _believe in God, you know?"

"Did you always have faith? I mean, even before you met Gabe?"

She paused in thought. "I grew up in church. My family was Southern Baptist. I wasn't given a choice. But, yeah, I did. I mean, after…" she sucked in a breath. "After those demons did what they did to me, that kind of cemented it for me."

"How?"

She swallowed as she glanced back out at the sun. "If there was something so evil in the world, it did _that _to an innocent little girl, there had to be something equally as good on the opposite end of the spectrum."

He shook his head. "It shouldn't have been you."

She bit her lip. "I think it's because it _was _me."

He didn't have a response for that.

She turned to him and smiled as she tugged on his hand. "Come on. Let's go wake the kids and have an early breakfast. I want to go swimming."

He smiled at her and let her lead him along. It sucked, all these things that happened to her, but he was proud of her. She kept persevering, as per her M.O. It gave him strength to realize he would definitely take her out before that darkness eclipsed all of her sunlight. He couldn't let her become a monster, either.

* * *

**November Fifteenth **

Dean popped topside on Ryan's front porch and let himself in. A glance at his watch showed no one should be home, but he'd used his little internal tracking to find Ryan. She was still at the house. He hoped nothing was wrong…

He heard her arguing as he walked up the stairs and he chuckled as he walked toward the bedroom. _She must be bitching out Sam on the phone…_he thought.

"Geez, Sam! Come on! Would you just man the fuck up already?" Ryan shouted.

"Look! I've got a reason, damn it!" Dean could hear Sam's reply.

Dean walked into the bedroom and saw Ryan putting on her makeup, standing in just her bra and blue jeans. "Yeah? Well care to share with the class? I need help, Sammy! I've got no one for this hunt! I know you and Dean don't want me to hunt, but who else can do it? I need you or Andy one to go with me. I've got everyone else out on a case and judging by the shape Ben and Krissy came home in last night, there's no way in Dean's Sweet Hell I'm sending them back out today. So, please, enlighten me." She turned and put her hand on her hip. "Come on. Fess up."

Dean's eyes widened as he realized…Sam was sitting on the edge of the tub. "What's going on here?!" he demanded as he burst through the door.

Ryan's eyes narrowed in Sam's direction. "Your brother is being a little bitch."

"He usually is. But that doesn't explain why he's sitting here with you half naked."

She rolled her eyes as she turned back toward the mirror and began applying mascara. "For God's sake, Dean, you're such a juvenile."

"Does Andy know you're here?" he asked Sam.

This time, Sam rolled _his _eyes as he answered, "Of course she does."

"You two are so weird," Dean muttered. He glanced from one to the other. "So…what? Sammy's turned chicken shit and won't hunt now?"

"No!" Sam shouted. "That isn't it!"

"Then what is it?" Ryan demanded.

"Andy's pregnant, okay!"

Ryan was silent a moment before she blinked and a huge grin broke on her face. "Well, damn. I guess I've got to quit calling you 'The One-Hit Wonder' don't I?"

Sam shot her a look, but it fell off his face as he, too, grinned. "Sorry," he stated sheepishly. "We wanted to tell you tonight over dinner, but then this hunt came up and…" he blew out a breath. "I'll call her and tell her I need to go with you. I just…"

"You will do no such thing," Ryan interjected. "Absolutely not. No way am I going to let you go hunt, not while Andy's knocked up. Nope. Not happening."

"But the case…"

"I can go," Dean spoke up. They both looked at him. "What? I can go hunt with Ryan."

"Dean, sweetheart, you're a demon," Ryan began softly.

He shot her a glare and he resisted the urge to flicker his black eyes at her just to irritate her. "Yeah, I noticed. But that doesn't mean I can't hunt. Jon and Jesse are better hunters for it, right?"

"Yeah, but…" she bit her lip.

"What, Ryan? You don't wanna hunt with me?"

"No, that's not it…"

"Then what?"

Something flashed in her eyes, but it was gone before he could read it and she shrugged. "Nothing. This is great. Works out fine. Sam, you and Andy can watch the boys, yeah?"

Sam nodded. "Of course. Ryan, are you sure…?"

"What? Now I'm not worthy to hunt with?" Dean inquired, trying and almost failing to keep the hurt out of his voice.

Ryan's lip twitched as she walked to him and stood on tip-toe to give him a kiss. "I'd be honored to hunt with you, Dean." Her smile grew. "Think you can keep up with me?"

"Is that a challenge?"

She shrugged as she walked over and applied her lip gloss. "Maybe," she teased. She turned then. "Okay, so, I've got a load of laundry yet to go. Can you get your crap situated downstairs so I can have you all to myself for at least seventy-two hours? I'm not anticipating this taking long, but then, I've been wrong before."

"Ryan…"

"Shut it, Samantha," she snapped at Sam. "It's fine. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me," she shimmied into her shirt that was sitting on the edge of the tub next to Sam, "I need to get to those clothes and I need to pack." And with that, she flounced out of the room.

Dean watched her go a moment before he glanced at Sam. "Congratulations."

The wrinkles in Sam's forehead dinted, a sure sign he was worried about something.

"What?" Dean asked him. "You know, just because I haven't hunted in forever doesn't mean…"

"That's not it. She's scared, Dean."

"Of what? Me?" Dean's tone was nothing but incredulousness.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sam sighed, stood, and rubbed his hands together. "The last point of reference she has of you two hunting together was that djinn case."

"That was dream me! Not the real me!"

"Do you think that matters to someone who's as fractured as Ryan is?"

Dean sucked in a breath. "So…you're saying I shouldn't go?"

Sam thought a moment and then smiled. "No. You two should go. Speaking from personal experience, it's awesome, working with your significant other. Andy and I had a lot of fun on the hunt we went on."

"You know I wouldn't hurt Ryan, right? Not like that. Never. I don't care how much evil juice runs through me. I'd never…"

Sam placed his hand on Dean's arm. "I know. That's why I'm letting you hunt with her."

Dean wanted to be offended, wanted to tell Sam he didn't let him do _anything _but it went away in a flash as he realized Sam was, yet again, looking out for Ryan's best interests. He always had. "Okay."

He gathered what clothes he would need and went in search of Ryan. "Ry?"

"Laundry room!" she called from the back of the house. It wasn't a room he traveled into very often. It was at the back of the house, off the kitchen, and there was another exit into the back yard. It was used as a mud room, too, and had quite a few pairs of shoes lined up underneath a long bench and above the bench had people's names and hooks for coats, scarves, etc. He smiled as he looked at the list of names. His own had been added on the end, which he'd appreciated, even if he didn't use it very often.

He walked over to see her folding clothes on the table that folded out from the wall next to the dryer. "So…we're going hunting?"

"Thrill a minute, right?" she murmured as she continued folding blue jeans.

"Look, Ryan, I don't…I forgot about the djinn, okay? And I'm sorry. If this makes you uncomfortable…"

She put down the folded pants and looked at him. "Dean…I'm sorry. I just…it's all on me, okay? I was just…it's a stupid fear."

"No, it's not. It's one of your worst fears and that damn djinn ruined the idea of hunting with me for you and for that, I'd kill that bastard again."

Her lip quirked. "I think Sam killed him dead enough. If the silver knife through the heart dipped in lamb's blood didn't do it, I'm pretty sure dousing the place and setting fire to it finished the job."

He hadn't known about that. "You never told me he did that."

"I didn't know, not for a long time. Sam was so angry at that…thing for attacking me, he went back once he got me to the new motel. He went back and burned the place to the ground with the djinn's body in it. I only just found out about it a little while ago."

"He loves you." It hurt, but he could still see it.

She sighed as she looked away and began folding more clothes, this time, moving on to shirts. "Yeah, well, it's gone and done with now."

"Ryan…"

She looked at him again. "It's fine, Dean, really. Consider this another step in my rehabilitation to become a normal person."

At that, he snorted. "Pretty sure you've never been normal."

She snickered and held out her hand. "Hello, Pot, my name's Kettle. How's it going?"

He grinned and shook her hand. They were quiet a few moments as she continued folding clothes when a garment caught his interest. His eyebrow shot up as he fondled the soft red lace. "You bringing that with us on the hunt? Cuz I've got to tell you, I could hunt so much more effectively if I knew this was hiding under your jeans."

She let out a snort. "Uh, Dean, sweetie, that ain't mine."

He glanced at it, still in his hand. "Oh, yuck. It's Hope's? Well, no surprise. She's mine, after all."

Ryan laughed out loud. "Sweetheart, I'm doing Ben and Krissy's laundry."

He dropped the fabric as if it were a hot coal. "Gross, Ryan! I thought Krissy was the good girl! That's disgusting!"

She glared at him a moment before she burst out laughing again. "Krissy has _never _been a good girl, Dean. Why do you think your son went for her in the first place? He's got enough of you in him…"

Dean's lips quirked. "Yeah? Well, what does that say about you?"

She walked around the table and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Honey, I've never been a good girl. I don't know why you continue to believe me so."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and grabbed her ass. "You're perfect, Ryan. Good, bad, indifferent, everything about you is perfect for me."

"I'm a mess."

"You're not a mess. You're brave for trying."

She shook her head, but didn't comment as he bent to kiss her. She kissed him with all the passion she usually did before she spoke. "Come on. Let's get packed and then go to the bunker. I want to say goodbye to the boys before we go."

He watched her pull away from him and blew out a breath. Relationships weren't easy. Being the King of Hell wasn't easy. And some days, loving someone as fractured as Ryan wasn't easy either. Luckily he didn't care.

They arrived at the bunker an hour later and Dean walked over to Ben and Krissy. Both looked rough with multiple cuts and bruises. "You two look like shit."

"Thanks, Dean. I'm feeling the love," Krissy groused. "Luckily, Hope's coming to put a whammy on both of us in a few minutes."

"I'm here now," Hope stated as she appeared. "Hey, Daddy," she murmured as she reached up to kiss Dean's cheek. "So…you're going hunting with Mom? Epic."

Ben and Kris looked at him. "You're going hunting?"

"Why is everyone so surprised? I'm a great hunter."

"Were," Ben stated. "You were. Now you're a…"

"…demon. I got the memo, Ben," Dean stated. "But that gives me a distinct advantage."

Ben snorted. "You sure about that? That was a long ass time ago, Dean."

Dean shot his oldest son a look. "No comments from the peanut gallery." He glanced at Krissy, who was being healed by Hope. "That reminds me, off topic, yes, but new rule: all the girls here _stay _girls, and any bastard dumb enough to try and change that is gonna have me to deal with."

Ben's eyes grew wide as he eyed Ryan as she walked up. Ryan chuckled and put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Sorry, you two. Dean kinda helped me fold clothes this morning…"

Krissy turned almost purple before her head went down in her hands. "Oh my God," he heard her mutter.

Ryan snorted. "Hey, it could be worse. He could have been here last month when I…"

"Ryan!" Ben and Kris shouted in unison.

Ryan's lip quirked. "Just remember which one of us is the cool, understanding parent, okay?"

Dean's brows knit as her words sank in. He watched her retreating figure and shouted indignantly, "Hey! I resent that!"

She giggled and winked at him before she knelt down to Jon's level to talk to him.

"So…what are we hunting? I didn't even ask." Dean inquired as Ryan pulled away from the bunker.

"Shapeshifter," she murmured.

"Nice." He glanced at her. She seemed as nervous as a whore in church. "You okay?"

"Peachy."

"Want me to drive?"

"No. I'm good." She licked her lips and white-knuckled the steering wheel.

"Ryan…"

"I'm fine, Dean. I'm just…do you realize the last time we legitimately hunted together was when I conceived Bobby? I mean, are we sure that we'll work together well enough?"

He shrugged. He wasn't one hundred percent sure, either, but he had to give it a shot. He wanted to do this with her, for her. "We'll be great, Ryan."

She huffed out a breath. "I hope so…"

He eyed her speculatively but remained quiet as she drove toward their destination.

She relaxed some on the drive, the sweet sounds of Creedence Clearwater Revival made the drive fly by, and by the time they pulled into the motel so they could change clothes into their FBI gear for interrogations and questions, she was almost back to normal. He was glad. He loved seeing that smile light up her face, loved hearing that razor sharp wit slash at him, and, in general, just loved the hell out of her.

"So, I guess we need to interrogate the wife first," Ryan stated as she walked out of the bathroom tucking her shirt into her skirt. He looked up and froze. "What? Do I have something on me?" she asked as she looked this way and that down at herself.

He blinked as he was transported back to that case…the vampire case…seeing her in a similar suit, seeing her strip out of it…he shook his head. "Yes. You've got on too many clothes."

She rolled her eyes. "Later, big boy. We've got a case, remember?"

"How could I forget? Shifter. Nasty bastards that they are…"

She shrugged. "One monster is just as bad as the next if they're killing innocents. Truthfully, the shifters have so much potential. Could you imagine if we ever found a good one? They could take the shape of certain people, do things…"

"I always heard no good could come from becoming the monster you hunted."

Her eyebrow rose and she gestured up and down his body. "Didn't seem to stop you."

"It was out of my control as soon as it started," he growled as he looked down at his shoes.

"But you've made the best of it, Dean. Don't you see, a shifter could, too. Garth has."

Dean snorted as he thought of the skinny little werewolf. "Yeah, I know. I just…"

She nodded. "I know. It's cool." She reached into her backpack and pulled out the two FBI badges Sam had made up for them and opened them. "Holy shit," she muttered.

"What?" he asked.

She shot him a look as she tossed him his. He opened it and glanced at the name; 'D. Henley' and Dean snorted. "You're kidding. What's yours?"

She walked over and flipped hers open and he grinned. "Well, well, well, Ms. Nicks."

She chuckled. "Thankfully we didn't let Cas pick out our names, right?"

Dean shook his head. "Yeah. Then we would have been Stefani and Rossdale."

"At least it wasn't Lennon and Ono."

"Or Spears and Federline," Dean finished on a wince.

Both of them shuddered at that. Ryan's nose wrinkled before she put her arm in his as she smiled. "Come on, Partner. Let's go."

After speaking to the victim's wife, they then moved on to the police station. A new body had shown up and Ryan was eager to take a peek at it. "Let me handle this," she murmured as they walked toward the door to the police precinct.

"Why?"

She just glared at him. "You're a demon, sugar. And you get angry too quickly. A little bit of honey goes a long way."

He eyed her. "And I'm to assume you're honey enough for the both of us."

"Why, of course I am," she murmured as she threw a thicker layer of southern to her accent.

He shivered involuntarily. "That fucking voice. It's like honey and I want it drizzled all over me, Ryan."

She stopped and looked at him before her lips quirked. "What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I'm trying to decide if that was the worst or best pickup line I've ever heard."

"Have you heard a lot?" he heard himself ask.

She laughed. "Just because you're the only guy I've willingly had sex with, doesn't mean I haven't been hit on by tons, Dean. I am a halfway desirable woman, you know."

He took her in, from her heels all the way up her long, shapely legs, to her slim waist, up to her ample boobs before he landed on her gorgeous face. "Trust me. I know. That's what concerns me."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Casanova. You know I'm going home with you. Now, let's get in there and let's check out this body."

He got déjà vu as she began flirting with the cop, who had to have been at most, twenty two years old, and so wet behind the ears, a marsh was growing, before they were ushered downstairs to the morgue.

"What is your problem?" she hissed as they followed the cop down the corridor.

"Did you have to flirt with him?"

"Do you have to flirt with the waitress at the truck stop diner?" she shot back.

Was he? He had been nice to the girl earlier. He hadn't been trying…he opened his mouth to apologize when Ryan winked at him. His eyes narrowed. _Evil wench, _he thought as she waltzed in through the door the officer was holding open for her.

"What do we have here?" she asked the coroner. At his speculative glance, Ryan flashed him his badge. "Nicks. FBI. This is Henley, my partner."

The older woman looked from her to Dean and back. "You two released any music together lately?"

Ryan smirked. "Well, I would, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket. But, hey, at least he's pretty."

"He sure is," the woman muttered as she put on a glove. "Okay, so, this is the second weird vic. I'm assuming that's why you're here?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, heard the first one was mutilated pretty badly. Flayed?"

The woman shook her head. "No. That's the weird thing. Not flayed. His skin just peeled right off." She grasped some skin on the male victim laying on the table and tugged, pulling away a chunk of flesh.

Dean's eyebrows furrowed. "How was the vic killed?"

"Stab wound."

"Through the heart?" Ryan murmured as she donned a pair of gloves to examine the body.

"Yeah. You seen this before?"

Ryan's eyes shot to Dean's and he nodded. "Yeah."

"What is it?"

Dean cleared his throat. "We aren't at liberty to say at this time. Anything else unusual about the victims?"

The woman shot him a look. "Besides the fact they appear to be able to shed their skin? Nope. Two male victims, both dead, stab wounds through the heart. Both able to shed their skins like damn snakes. Strangest thing I've seen…"

Ryan nodded. "Okay. Thanks for your time. I'll leave you my card in case there's anything else you need from us…"

"Thanks, Agent Nicks. I'll keep you in mind."

Dean followed Ryan out the door and back to her car. "Well…"

She blew out a breath as she slid behind the wheel. "Do we have a rogue hunter?"

He snorted. "First time I've ever heard the term 'rogue hunter' used."

She shrugged. "There are a few out there that aren't affiliated with us now. We call them rogues because they tend to be more brutal than we are. They don't work with us because of the Winchester name. A few of them know about you. It sometimes makes things more complicated. But most of them respect the Men of Letters anyway. But something just feels hinkey here, Dean."

He had to admit, his own hunter's intuition was buzzing. Something wasn't quite right here. "Stick around a day or two? Figure it out? See if another shifter turns up dead?"

She nodded. "Yeah. One thing though…the first vic, he was a shifter. And he was married. Did they have kids?"

Dean shook his head. "I didn't notice any family pictures around. But he was young. Like, what, mid twenties?"

"So was this last victim." She bit her lip in thought and closed one eye, a sure sign she was doing some serious thinking.

"What's going on in that pretty little head?"

She blinked and shook her head. "Nothing. Just a theory. We need to look into these two guys, see if there's any connection."

"Why?"

"I think there's a reason these two shifters are dead." She turned the key. "And I don't think it's simply because a hunter saw fit to track them down."

He waited for her to say more, but when she didn't, he kept his mouth shut as they made their way back to the motel.

A few hours, some burgers, and a candy bar later, Ryan yelled out, "Aha! Got'cha."

Dean walked over and looked over her shoulder at the computer screen. "What?"

She pulled the Tootsie Pop out of her mouth and looked at him. "They were in one class together at college."

"So?"

"Women's Literature."

Dean's brows knit. "That…sounds weird for a shifter dude."

She shook her head. "Actually, a lot of guys take Women's Lit. They figure they'll meet chicks there."

Dean snorted. "Well, they wouldn't be wrong, would they?"

She shook her head again. "No, but I've been in that class before, Dean. Occasionally there are some very opinionated feminists in those classes."

"Meaning?"

She sucked in a breath through her mouth and let it out through her nose. "If there were a couple of guys who were buddies, who found out they were all shifters, they could get into some serious trouble. If a woman happened to mouth off to one of them…"

Dean swallowed hard. "You think those two attacked a woman in college?"

She shrugged. "If they did, and the woman somehow managed to find out they're shifters, wouldn't it stand to reason she'd go after them?"

"If she was attacked, Ryan, if she had a kid, that would be how she found out. I know. I looked after a shifter baby once before."

Ryan looked like she wanted to be sick. "Oh, God, Dean…" She drew in a shuddering breath. "What are we going to do?"

"We need to figure out how many guys were there that night. Let's look for any connections. Obviously, they're shifters. So, we need to make sure there aren't any other of the little bastards out there."

"Surely we aren't going to protect them, are we? They're…they're monsters, Dean! True monsters!"

"If this woman is their victim, Ryan, we can't let her continue to kill them. It's not good for _her_. You of all people should know that."

She silently sucked on her lollypop a minute before she twirled it between her fingers like a baton. "I would have killed Raeburn in a skinny minute, Dean."

"And I'm torturing his ass for eternity for you, Ryan. But that's not the point. If she's not as strong as you…we have to find her. If she's got a kid, we don't want her hurting it. It's not its fault its father is a monster. If I was truly evil, it wouldn't be Jon's fault he was part demon, would it?"

"Of course not!" she cried. "But that's a little different!"

"I have done some stupid shit in my life, Ryan. And I've made a metric fuck-ton of mistakes. But one I thought I was doing right was killing Sam's friend, Amy. Now, I stand by my decision, but I let her kid see me. I can't let that happen again. It's not the kid's fault it's part monster. But it will be if it doesn't realize what it is and how not to be a monster, okay?"

She nodded. "You're right. Of course. You're right. We have to find this woman and this kid. Now. Before it's too late." She popped the treat back in her mouth and began typing away on the laptop again.

What she found disturbed them both. There had been a string of rapes at the college the boys had been at, word had gotten around campus, but not a lot of women had come forward. They found three women who had children around that time that could possibly fit the description, but none of them were attacked and no evidence had been found regarding the rapists. She also managed to find a picture of the two boys with three other guys. "Taylor Scott, Winston Layton, and Mick Ainsworth. They look like real winners," she muttered as she showed Dean the picture.

"Think they're shifters?" he wondered aloud.

She cued up a video for him to watch. It was at a football game. "Taylor was on the college team. Look…" They watched a play of him catching a football and his eyes flared.

"Shit. What about the other two?"

She shrugged. "I can't find evidence either way, but, they're both still in college. They share an apartment on campus."

"Do you really think they did this?"

She stood and slid her silver knife into its holster hidden inside the waistband of her jeans. "Only one way to find out."

They arrived on campus and Dean smiled. "Man, does this bring back memories."

"You never went to college, sweetheart."

He nodded. "I know. But I did see _you _at college."

She giggled. "Yeah, I guess so." She paused. "Did you ever wish you could? Did it make you jealous that Sam left?"

He thought a moment before he shrugged. "I was never smart enough for college."

"That's a lie," she stated adamantly. "Dean, you're brilliant. You're smart. You're well read. You're gifted with your hands, and _not just _in the dirty way…you could have been anything you chose to."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't given that choice. I was a tool, a weapon. A killer. That's all I've ever been."

She gave him a sad look. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

He shrugged. "What difference does it make? There are monsters in the world. Some people kill them and some people don't know about them and some people know and don't care. I'd rather be in the first category."

"Your daddy still should have given you a choice."

"Yeah, well, he didn't. Now let's go see if these punks are shifters or not."

She gave him a look but remained silent as she followed him into the apartment building.

They walked down the hall and kept their hands on their knives, but didn't pull them, not yet, anyway. At the door, Dean knocked and received no response. "Think they're gone?"

Ryan shrugged and pulled her knife. "Think they're hiding in there?"

"Only one way to find out." Dean quickly picked the lock and opened the door. Ryan gasped as they saw the sight before them; both the boys were dead, their flesh torn away from their bodies in what looked like a fit of rage.

"Whoa. She's escalating," Ryan commented as she stepped over a pile of goo to look at the corpse. She knelt down and then looked back up at Dean. "This is anger, Dean. She's pissed at them."

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Well, yeah, but why now? I mean, if she was in college with the other two, that had to be at least two years ago. I've heard revenge is a dish best served cold, but this…"

"One more guy to go. Where is he?"

She pulled out her phone and looked at what she had emailed herself. "Taylor blew his knee when he got in a motorcycle accident a year ago. He's a college dropout working in a factory over on Seventh Street now."

"Let's go. Got a home address too?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but he works third shift on a skeleton crew."

"Let's just hope that crew doesn't get a real skeleton by the time the night is over…"

They pulled up to the warehouse and Dean peered at it through the windshield. "Where does he work?"

"Shipping and loading, in the back," Ryan told him.

"Okay, so…"

"You'd better not start with the whole 'I got this, stay in the car and stay safe' thing, Dean."

He smirked. "Read my mind, did you?"

"I don't need the power of occlumency to know that one."

"Occlumency was preventing someone from getting into your mind. Legilimency was the power to read someone's thoughts."

Her mouth fell open. "I _knew _you were a closet nerd!"

"Yeah, yeah, you can tease me about it later. So I read the fucking books. Sue me. Let's go gank the monster."

"Which one?" she asked softly.

He blew out a breath. "Hopefully _not _the vigilante human."

She swallowed and nodded. They both stood and made their way to the back of the building. They rounded the corner in time to hear a scream. That made them move faster as they ran toward the sound.

They stopped dead, though, as they saw a woman holding a man at knife-point. "Stop!" Dean barked.

The woman didn't loosen her grip on the knife as they approached. "No. He's the last one. They _ruined _me! They ruined my baby! They…"

"We know," Ryan told her softly.

"They're monsters!"

"Shapeshifters," Ryan began as she slowly approached.

"Ryan!" Dean hissed, but she shook her head, sheathed her knife, and held up both hands as she moved toward the woman.

"My name is Ryan. What's yours?"

"M-Mary."

Ryan smiled at her. "Mary. That was Dean's mom's name. And she was a monster hunter, too. Just like we are."

"He is a monster! Him and his four buddies, they jumped me! It wasn't enough they stole everything from me, they damned my baby! He…it wasn't his fault! He's a monster, too!"

"No, Mary, it's not his fault, you're right. They jumped you…they attacked you and raped you, didn't they?"

"Forever! It went on forever! Then when they were done with me, they dumped me like I was yesterday's trash! I didn't see their faces, but I tore their skin. I knew…I knew they weren't normal!"

"You did good, finding them."

"They deserved to be killed!"

"I'm not arguing with you," Ryan stated softly. "But this…it's not healthy for you, Mary. Think of your baby…"

"He's gone," her voice was flat as she told her story; "My parents…they're really religious. They thought…when he was born, he was fine. But then, when he…when he started…" The woman began sobbing. "They thought he was a demon. They had the priest perform an exorcism on him. It…it killed him. My sweet baby!"

Ryan gasped and even Dean felt his stomach twist. "What happened then?" he asked quietly, as he, too, approached.

"They murdered my baby in cold blood. So I murdered them right back," Mary growled vengefully.

Ryan's eyes grew wide as she looked at Dean. "Well, good for you," Ryan managed. "So, let's put the knife down now, Mary, and we can just…"

"No! No, no, no! You don't understand! This is the last monster I have to kill! Then I'm free."

"Mary, you've had a lot of problems, sweetie, you need to let us help you…"

The woman didn't move the knife from the shifter's throat, but she looked at Ryan, really looked at her. "What do you care? How would you even understand?"

Ryan swallowed hard. "I was gang raped when I was eleven. They destroyed everything in my life. I was left for dead without any hope for a future."

"Yet here you stand. Good for you," the woman told her sarcastically.

Ryan nodded. "It is good for me. I managed to live. I survived suicide attempts, countless close calls, and lots of monsters like this…thing you have your knife to. But I survived. You're a survivor, Mary. You can do this."

The woman shook her head. "No. I can't. Have you ever lost a child? Ever held your dead baby in your arms?"

Ryan nodded. "Yes. I have lived through that, too. My son, Jon, he climbed too high up in a tree. He fell. He was a broken doll by the time I reached him."

"So, you see? There is no hope, is there?"

"There is always hope."

"Not for me," the woman whispered as she removed the knife from the man's neck only to plunge it into her own heart.

Ryan ran for the girl and Dean ran to the man, quickly holding him in place. He glanced at Ryan, who was cradling the girl in her lap. "Shhhh, it's okay, Mary," Ryan was repeating over and over softly.

"You…you'll make sure he dies, right? He won't live to hurt anyone else, will he?" Mary pled.

"I swear it," Ryan vowed as the woman died in her arms. Ryan looked up at Dean and nodded.

Dean sneered at the creature cowering before him. "Think it's so brave, attacking women, huh? How many others did you do that to, huh?" When the little weasel didn't answer him, Dean shook him like a rag doll. "HOW MANY?!" he shouted.

"I…I don't know. Four? Five? Ten? Man, we were drunk. We could be anyone we wanted to be."

"You disgust me. And that says something." His eyes flickered black. "I'm a fucking _demon_. The shit I do down in hell to little pukes like you would make you flip your skin inside out. If I could, I'd take your ass downstairs and fuck you over a few hundred years." He smiled coldly. "But instead, you're going to a special hell. One reserved for monsters. I hope some big ass monster makes you his little bitch." And with that, Dean rammed his silver knife in the kid's heart. He stepped away and the creature fell to the ground.

He dusted off his hands and looked down at Ryan, who was delicately laying the girl's head down on the ground. She smoothed out the girl's hair and closed her eyes. "Ryan? You okay?"

"This…this could have been me, Dean. It _was _me."

"You're okay," he whispered as he went to her.

She stood and almost collapsed into his arms as she started sobbing. He picked her up bridal style and carried her back to the car. He sat her in the passenger seat, buckled her in, and quickly situated himself behind the wheel before he gunned the engine and tore out of the parking lot. Once they were safely away from the warehouse, he called it in to the police station.

By the time they made it back to the motel, Ryan had calmed down. "Sorry for freaking out back there," she managed as she stood from the car.

He walked around to her side of the car and placed a gentle hand on her face. "Ryan, what you lived through…no one should have to survive that. But you did. And you're still surviving. That woman…I hate it for her. She didn't handle it and she didn't have anyone supporting her. Those monsters turned her into a monster, too. Her parents only made it worse."

"I can't begin to imagine. I mean…it almost puts things into perspective. It could have been _so _much worse…"

He wasn't sure that was the lesson of the day, but he let her get it all out. Finally she smiled and hugged him tightly. "I'm glad it was you with me on this case, Dean. Anyone else, well, it wouldn't have been the same."

"From now on, if you need to hunt, you always call me, okay?"

She smiled. "I'll try."

"Come on. Let's go take a shower, and then I'll take you to get something to eat."

"Sounds good." Just then, her phone rang. Her brow furrowed as she answered, "Hello? Yes, this is Agent Nicks." She smiled. "Oh, yes, hi, Detective Delmonico. Thank you. No, we're fine." She smirked. "No, I'm sorry, we're heading out of town first thing in the morning. This isn't a Federal case after all." She chuckled. "Well, thank you, but I'm sorry. I'm taken." She laughed throatily. "Yes, by that meathead who is my partner." She looked at him and winked. "I'm sure your fractured heart will recover. Good night." She slipped her phone back in her pocket and looked at Dean. "What?"

"That…that little bastard was asking you out on a fucking _date_?!"

She blinked and bit her lip. "Y-Yes?"

His eyes narrowed. "You're mine, Ryan. Every bit of you is pledged to me."

"I know, Dean."

He picked her up and her legs wrapped around his waist as her hands gripped his shoulders for support. "Perhaps I need to remind you."

She smirked. "Perhaps you do. He was offering me a very nice steak dinner."

"That bastard," he growled as he carried her into their room.

An hour later, Ryan panted out a tired breath. "Okay, what in the hell was _that_?!"

Dean gave her a self satisfied smirk. "That was me marking you with fifty shades of don't touch my stuff. I think you need to go parade around the police station a little bit tomorrow morning, show off all those hickeys."

She rolled her eyes. "You're such a child."

"But you love me."

She smiled and kissed him tenderly. "I do. More than anything."

"Enough to go parade around the police station?"

She just laughed.

* * *

**AN2: It was supposed to be a sweet, sexy hunt. Alas, it didn't turn out that way. My characters had other ideas. Still, I hope you enjoyed! Until next week...I'll have a tisue warning on that one! **


	31. In The Arms of the Angel

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue me. It ain't worth it. Trust me. **

**AN: Hey guys! So sorry I didn't post last week. Hubby is working a lot and so I'm basically a single parent and I've had zero time to me and to this story. Hopefully the scene at the beginning of this will be worth it though. LOL. But holy crap! 175 reviews! Ya'll are seriously awesome. Thank you. I'm so glad you love it. I like hearing the reviews (good and bad) and don't hesitate to tell me something you wish you could see! That's how you got Crowley's death a couple of chapters ago! It literally may be something that hasn't occured to me, so, please, let me know if you've got an idea for the story. I love knowing some people are as passionate about my story as I am!**

**So...who's excited for tonight's new episode? ME! ME! It's the beginning of the end of the season. No more hellaitus' until the big one. I'm nervous. It's going to be a rough couple of weeks. I can feel it. *sigh* So...tissue warning this chapter, yeah? Later on down the line. Love to you all! See you next week. **

* * *

**February Fourteenth**

**Ryan POV**

She finished her jog on the treadmill since it was pouring buckets outside and stepped off as Maroon 5 blared. She had on their sexy, loud hits, One More Night, Animals, Tangled, Wake Up Call, Harder to Breathe, Misery, and a few others, so she was not only dripping sweat, but was horny as all hell by the time she hit the 'stop' button on the machine. She turned and jumped in surprise at the shadow propped up against the doorjamb. "Don't you knock?" she managed when she caught her breath.

Dean chuckled as he pushed off the wall and walked toward her as she guzzled about half her bottle of water. "Where is everyone?"

She panted out a breath as she came up for air. "Busy. Tory's working with the boys on swords, Claire and Charlie hit the road for a werewolf case Garth's pack couldn't get to, the older kids are all out on jobs, and Sam's researching from home since Andy's morning sickness still hasn't abated, and Steven's got a cold."

"Some Valentine's day for them."

Ryan shrugged. "Such is the life of a parent."

"How far along is Andy?"

Ryan smiled as she thought of her friend. "Four months."

"I can't believe Sam knocked her up again."

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, well, go figure. She's teetering between being pissed and pleased, I think. Pissed, because she was enjoying the idea of going hunting again off and on, just to get out there, you know? Blow off some steam? And being pleased because Sam's so damn happy, he's shitting rainbows…"

Dean guffawed as she realized what she said and she blushed. "Sorry…"

Dean shook his head and sidled up to her. "I love that potty mouth of yours. You're like a sweet southern belle with a trucker's mouth."

She shot him a look and pulled away. "I'm all gross. I've just finished my run and I wanted to practice some with my knife throwing."

His eyebrow rose. "How about we make it interesting?"

Her own eyebrow popped. "Oh? Do tell."

"You can't hurt me. I mean, you can cut me, but I'll heal. Practice with me."

She bit her lip. "Last time didn't go so well…"

"Last time, you had a demon trying to bust out of you, Ryan. This time, it's all you. I'm the only demon in the room. Come on. You know you want to. I'll go easy on you."

Her eyes narrowed. "I don't do easy, Dean. I go all the way or not at all when I'm practicing. Why else do I refuse to teach the boys? They aren't old enough and I might hurt them. I did hurt Ben once." She winced as she thought of how she had accidentally flipped him and broke his wrist. Hope had to heal him with her angel grace, but she had felt terrible about it.

"I bet he learned from that, though, didn't he?"

"Damn straight. He never underestimated any of us girls again. But I still felt bad…"

"So, see? You won't have to worry about hurting me, Ryan."

Again, she chewed on her lip as she thought. She had wondered if she could hold her own against a demon without having her mojo anymore. Part of her was itching to try. "Okay," she said finally. "But you can't let me get so far I start craving the demon power, Dean."

He nodded as he stepped further away from her. "I promise. I'll look after you, Ryan. You know I will."

She crossed to the wall where her five throwing knives were buried and pulled them all out. "How do you want to do it?"

"Any way. Any how, Ryan. I'm fast. I can poof, like this…" he said as he disappeared.

She growled. "That's not fair, you asshole. I can't throw a knife at smoke."

"But you can try to hit a moving target," he spoke from the other end of the room. She tossed a knife and it glanced off the wall as he disappeared again.

"Fuck!" she screamed in frustration.

"Gotta be faster than that," he purred in her ear.

She whirled and he was already gone. "You asshat!" she shouted.

His disembodied chuckles bounced off the walls. "Don't you want to catch me?" he taunted.

"If you weren't so chicken shit, and come out and face me, then I could catch you and kick your ass."

He appeared in her face with a blade of his own. "Is that a challenge I hear?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Fucking skippy," she replied as she quickly began battling him, hand-to-hand.

He didn't make it easy for her, and she was quite aware he could have gone for the kill shot and ended their little game at any time, but still, he continued to work with her as they parried and dodged each other's blows. "You're good," he muttered as she sliced a cut on the side of his face.

She watched in amazement as it healed before she dodged a blow of his own. "For a girl?" she inquired as she managed to hit him on the arm.

"No, for anyone. I'm not a sexist, Ryan. If you're good, you're good. Sure, you're a girl, that means you have to work smarter, harder, better, than a guy, but if you've got talent, you've got talent."

"Thanks!" she yelled as she lunged for him and he disappeared.

"Ah, ah, ah, you didn't think I was going to make it _that _easy, did you?" he called.

She let out another growl of frustration when he appeared again and they battled once more. She was getting tired and she knew he knew it when he up and disappeared again. "Damn it, Dean," she groaned, half in frustration, half in exhaustion. They'd been at this for close to an hour already.

"Come on, Ryan," his voice called, gruff, almost tired, but almost…aroused? The timber of it suggested he was both far away and very, very close. "I'm tired of playing. Let's finish this game."

She stopped dead in her tracks, closed her eyes, and waited. It was almost as if she could _feel _him in the room. That connection she felt to him had her realizing she _knew _where he was, even if she couldn't see him. She waited until she could almost feel his breath before she ducked a blow that could have proven to be fatal as he buried the knife into the wall and she slipped the blade of her knife against his neck.

His eyes went black of their own volition it seemed and he smirked. "Well…look at you. Do it," he said and her mouth went dry as she watched his mouth form the words, the way his tongue touched his upper teeth. "It's all on you."

Her tongue danced out to lick her dry lips as the desire flooded her. This demon was the sexiest creature she'd ever laid eyes on. She needed him. Now. She dropped the knife, grabbed his shirt, and pulled him to her for a searing kiss as she jumped into his arms.

His huge hands wrapped around the backs of her thighs as he turned her and shoved her into the wall.

"Fuck," she muttered as his mouth began plundering, nipping at her jawline, her neck, and down to where her sports bra covered her breasts.

"Damn it, Ryan, this isn't supposed to…"

"I don't care," she managed as she all but ripped his shirts from his body.

He let out a carnal snarl as he pulled her away from the wall and they fell in a pool of writhing limbs as they fought for dominance. She somehow wound up on top and she ground into his denim covered erection, teasing herself along with him as her hands went to unfasten his pants.

"Here? Now?" he managed as she released him into the cool air of the room.

"Yes," she demanded as she dipped down for a taste of the little pearl of fluid on his tip.

He flipped them and pulled her shorts off before he plunged into her.

She cried out as the sparks flew through her, screaming expletives as he pushed her up, over, down, around, up and over again in a whirling dervish of sensations. She rode out wave after wave of pleasure before she decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and when he was almost to his breaking point, she flipped them.

He looked up at her in surprise a moment before they smirked at one another and he grabbed her hips for support as she began riding him with reckless abandon. She took herself up and over before she collapsed onto his chest. But he wasn't done with her.

He none-too-gently shoved her off of him and onto her stomach. He rose up on his knees behind her and pulled her hair, not too hard, but enough to get her attention. She was silently cursing the braided ponytail she'd put it up in, but his voice, full of sex and gravel, commanding her to her knees made her glad for it as he wrapped it around his hand.

She shakily got to her hands and knees and she felt him peppering kisses over her shoulder blades. She shivered at the sensations flooding her. She'd never realized her back was a particularly erogenous zone, but apparently it was and she moaned as her hands fisted beneath her.

She felt him chuckle into the skin of her back. "My pretty little hunter. What am I going to do with you? Don't you know it's not nice to toy with demons?"

She glared back at him and saw that twinkle of mirth in his eyes, the green she fell in love with and knew he was just teasing her. So she smiled genially back at him. "But don't you know not to mess with a hunter, demon dear?"

He barked out a laugh. "Oh, you've messed with the wrong one for sure." He tugged on her hair again, harder this time as his eyes turned colder, but hungrier. "Look. There. In the mirror."

It was the first time she'd noticed them in the full-length mirrors on the other side of the room.

His head dipped down and she saw his eyes in the mirror as his mouth moved to her ear. "See me fucking you, Ryan? See the power I have over you? You like it, don't you?"

"Yes!" she cried.

He licked the shell of her ear. "Good. Because that power you think I have over you? It's nothing, _nothing _compared to the power you have over me. Do you know how many women I've told I love them? Two. You. And my mother. That's it. You own me, Ryan, just as you say I own you. So, watch me, as you see us come apart, and know, I may be the dominant one at this very moment, but it's you who runs the show."

She saw herself swallow, blink, and smile. "I love you," she breathed.

"I love you, too," he replied as he gently thrust and began moving once more.

She tried to keep her eyes open, but the sensations, the change in positions, the way his body moved inside of hers, she couldn't hold the connection and she felt her strength flagging as he continued his sweet torture of her. She felt the crescendo begin again and his hand tightened in her hair as he demanded, "Open your eyes, Ryan. I want you to see yourself come unglued."

Her eyes burst open only a moment before she felt the train crash and she screamed in pleasure as she was battered with the ferocity of her orgasm. It seemed as though the sensations flowed forever before finally, she collapsed.

She felt him fall lightly next to her and she managed to lift her head to look at him. "You're…you…that…"

He grinned. "I know, right?"

She snorted out a chuckle and smiled. "I love you, Dean Winchester."

"And I love you, Ryan Fawcett."

She reached over and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before she dropped back to her stomach again. "I don't think I can move."

"Yeah, me either."

"You're a demon," she said into the mat underneath her face.

"So? Good sex needs to be enjoyed. I'm tired. I'm relaxed. I just want to stay here with you forever."

She chuckled and managed to prop up on her elbows. "Yeah, but your two sons will probably be popping in here soon."

"Nah. I told Tory to take them for ice cream and take them home like, two hours ago."

Her mouth fell open. "You evil bastard."

He grinned. "So, you know, we _could _potentially stay here. I even went so far as to hang a sock on the door of the bunker."

She started giggling and couldn't stop. Oh, how she loved this man.

* * *

**May Twenty-Fourth**

Ryan sighed out a breath and resisted the urge to rip her hair out. "Come on, guys! I'm not asking for you to go on a wendigo hunt here…"

"A wendigo hunt would be more fun," Gabriel groused.

Her jaw set. "Look, just because you're an angel, doesn't mean you can mojo stuff done. You either, Jonathan. It sucks, okay? You have to clean your room. It literally looks like the Tasmanian Devil ran through here in cyclone mode."

"I did," Jon piped up proudly.

_God give me strength, _she thought. "And now, you have to clean it. So what? Big deal. Trust me, sugars, it ain't the end of the world."

"But, Mom! It's super nice outside!" Jon cried.

Ryan held in the sadness. She had noticed him growing up more and more. She had the impression Gabriel had been giving him doses of knowledge since it was all together too obvious the boy knew way more than what your average seven and a half year old should know. But still, there were rules in the Fawcett/Winchester household and she expected them to be upheld. "And you have all day to enjoy it. Clean now, then, tonight, you can have dessert."

"You're making us clean our rooms, _and _you're threatening our dessert?" Gabriel's tone was nothing but shock.

She shot him a look. "Dessert is a _treat, _Gabriel. Not something you get every night."

"Almost every night," he replied glumly.

"And seeing as almost every night I make something for you, if you two don't clean your rooms, your butts are both grounded _and _no dessert."

"Fine," the two boys replied grumpily.

She smirked as she caught sight of Dean propped up against the door frame. "And you had better not help them."

He held up both hands. "I'm just here for a social call."

"Booty call," she murmured under her breath as she winked at him.

He grinned. "That too."

She rolled her eyes. "One hour, boys. If this place isn't spotless, your dessert gets enjoyed by me and Dad. Only."

"And I'll be able to tell if you two use any powers," Dean added sternly, though Ryan could see he was trying not to laugh. "And you don't want a pissed off king of Hell coming in here…"

Both boys just looked at him and grinned. Ryan hid her smile. She knew the boys realized he was a total marshmallow. Of course, she had seen him get rough and tough. The boys hadn't been hunting with him yet. Gabriel had begged, but Ryan had put her foot down. No hunting until he was eleven at the very least. He only had a month and a little longer to go. Both her boys were growing up on her.

She wondered how it would change the dynamic, the two of them growing up, seeing Dean in action. Jon, especially, who hero-worshiped not only his bigger brother, but also Dean. In some skewed sense, Gabriel gravitated to Sam, always had, but Jon was all Dean's. Jon hunting with his father could be problematic. He hadn't seen Dean's cold calculation while out in the field. Gabriel had.

She reached for Dean's hand and gently pulled him out of the room.

"You know, they must get this from you," he told her, his tone full of amusement.

She stopped dead and turned to him. "Excuse me?"

He rolled his eyes. "Please. John Winchester would have kicked my ass from now 'til doomsday and back again if our motel rooms looked like that."

Ryan put her hand on her hip and glared at him. "Uh, did you _look _in the trunk of your Impala, Dean? It was a total dumping ground when you were using her for hunting. I don't know how in the hell you managed to find weapons in that pigsty!"

He looked offended for a moment before a self-satisfied grin emerged as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah? Well, I'm an adult now. Dad gave me that car and I did good by her until the day she became Ben's. Besides, I do what I want."

She smiled evilly and ran a finger down his arm, up and over his chest, to his neck. "Is that a fact? Well, Mr. Adult, what do you want to do now?"

His answer was simple; "You."

* * *

**July Fifth **

"I just don't see why you have to go today of all days," Dean began.

She shrugged. "Look, sweetheart, I said I'd love for you to go on the hunts with me, but you promised the boys you and Sam would take them on a little field trip. Tory and I can handle this. Right, Tor?"

"Of course!" Tory called cheerily from the back of her van. "Just give me five to get my shit cleaned out of this bitch and we can go."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "That van is a health hazard, Tor. I think I'll need a tetanus shot when I come back."

"Ha, ha, fuck you, Ryan," Tory groused.

Ryan smiled. "You wish, Allard!"

Tory's head popped around the side of the van. "Well, if you would have at least _tried _to play for both teams, I'm sure I could have made it worth your while!"

Ryan stuck her tongue out at her friend, earning a rather rude tongue gesture back in return. Ryan shook her head. "See what I put up with?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?"

"And disappoint the boys? No way. It's fine, Dean. I promise. It's a quick vamp nest. Nothing so strenuous. I promise, no demon powers from me, okay? Just me and my trusty machete and one of my best friends."

Tory came up just then and threw her arm around Ryan's shoulders. "I've got this, Dean-o. Don't worry, she'll be fine with me. I'll try not to corrupt her _too _terribly much."

Dean grinned at the woman. "Well, if you haven't done it by now, I suppose you won't, will you?"

Tory waggled her eyebrows at him. "Would you like for me to?"

Ryan gave her friend a shove and with a laugh, they quickly threw her gear into the van and after goodbyes to the boys, they were on their way. Ryan put her feet on the dashboard and perused Tory's cassette tape collection and sighed. "I guess some Pink Floyd will do."

"Damn straight it will," Tory muttered as she cranked the volume up as high as it would go.

Ryan watched the building with her night vision binoculars. The sun was almost up. They wanted to get a good headcount before they went into the nest. She let out a low whistle. "Damn. I thought this was a little nest. There're like, twenty vamps in there."

Tory looked bored as she ran the sharpening stone against the edge of her machete. "So?"

"So…this…Tory, we need backup."

"Nah. Why?"

"Two of us against that many vampires? Are you crazy?"

"Come on, we can handle this. We'll go in quietly, slice and dice while they sleep, easy peasy lemon squeezy."

Ryan cast another wary glance at the building. "I don't know…"

"Come on. We've talked about this. You know they're bad. They've been kidnapping and murdering people off the interstate for years. We made the connections the cops couldn't, the FBI couldn't. We know they're all bad. They have to be destroyed."

"I'm not arguing that. I'm arguing the fact we need help."

Tory looked at her. "I didn't realize you'd turned chicken, Ryan."

Ryan's jaw ticked as she gritted her teeth. "That's not it and you know it. Stop being petulant. Look, we'll call Dean or Cas, they can help us…"

"We can do this, Ryan. We don't need our men, creatures, whatever, to come fight for us."

"But we _do _need backup."

"We'll be fine." Tory stood and the now rising sun silhouetted her. "Well. Are you coming?"

Ryan stood and walked back to the van where she dropped her binoculars and picked up her machete. "If you get me killed, I'm coming back to haunt your ass," Ryan warned her.

Tory just grinned.

They crept closer to the building, an old abandoned hay barn, by the looks of it, huge and sprawling, and Ryan sucked in a breath. For some reason, she had a bad feeling about this. _I wish Dean were here, _flitted through her mind as Tory breached the door and they were inside.

This nest wasn't like what they usually found. They seemed to embrace their monster side. There were hammocks strung about and mattresses on the floor. All of them appeared to be asleep. Ryan watched as Tory lopped the first one's head off and she almost felt bad for the way they were killing them, but she quickly went to work.

They'd dispatched half of them when all of a sudden, a booming voice called from the back, "Wake up, you fools!" Twelve pairs of eyes opened, twelve pairs of fangs descended, and Ryan gulped as she clutched her machete tighter.

"Any bright ideas?" she asked Tory.

Tory's smile was a little crazy as she twirled her blade in her hand. "Let's do this!" she shouted as she ran toward one of the creatures.

They fought hard, taking down four more in rapid succession, but it was clear these vampires knew how to fight and dodge blows. Ryan was attacked from behind and knocked to the ground where three of the monsters piled on her and hauled her to her feet, holding her arms roughly behind her and she felt the sickening sensation of her shoulder being wrenched out of joint. "Tory!" Ryan shouted, wondering where her friend was.

"I'm here!" Tory managed and Ryan saw that she, too, had been captured.

Ryan felt a strong sense of dread as a dark, bald man approached them then. "Well, well, well, two little hunters, coming to visit me. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You're killing innocents!" Tory shouted and Ryan really wished she would shut up as she continued to spout. "You're killing innocent people, you monsters!"

The man's eyebrow rose. "Monsters? You call me a monster, when you're the welp of an angel, and this one…" he eyed Ryan with a smile. "And this one is the lover of the new king of Hell?"

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "How did you…?"

The man smiled. "I'm not your basic vampire, sweetheart. No. I know the Winchesters and their pet angel well. I am The Alpha. I was created by The Mother herself."

Ryan gasped. "The Alpha…" she breathed.

He smiled again. "I see you've heard of me." His long finger traveled down Ryan's face. "You are quite lovely. I can see what Dean likes in you."

Ryan began struggling then. She didn't know what this bastard was planning, but…

"Peace. I will not harm you, yet." He glanced in Tory's direction. "Kill the other one."

"No!" Ryan screamed, but it was too late, and she heard the sickening crack of bones as Tory was thrown to the floor. She started sobbing then as The Alpha circled her and the three holding her.

"Now…what to do with you? I could turn you. Yes. That would be lovely. Whatever would the Winchesters do with you if you were a vampire?" He stopped in front of her and put a finger to his chin in thought. He walked away and Ryan couldn't see him as he walked out of her line of vision, but he was back soon enough with her machete. He tested its weight and glanced at it. It was stained red with the blood of his children. "This just will not do," he all but purred as he wiped the blade clean with a spare rag.

He caught Ryan's eye and he smiled coldly. "On second thought, why leave any witnesses? No one needs to know it was I who killed you." He rammed the machete through Ryan's chest. The pain was excruciating and the sensation of her legs left her as she crumpled in the creatures' arms.

The Alpha grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "Enjoy whatever afterlife you get. Consider this a mercy killing."

She barely felt herself being thrown to the dirt floor as she tried and failed to suck in any oxygen. _Cas, _she tried. _Cas…_

Her eyelids grew heavy and her breathing slowed as she felt like she was drowning. She knew what that meant. Her lungs were filling with blood. She was certain they'd severed her spine. She was dying.

She tried to move her head and managed to move it enough to see Tory's crumpled body across the way. _I'm sorry, _she thought just before blackness engulfed her and she felt nothing more.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He sat up a bit straighter. "What?" Sam asked over his cup of coffee. They'd taken the boys camping out in the woods. They were seeing if the boys could hunt, teaching them the way Bobby had taught them. So far, they'd not had any luck with anything other than squirrels and raccoons, but the boys were excited for the challenge.

Dean shook his head. "I don't know. Something…something's not right."

"Where? Who?"

"Ryan," Dean ground out.

"Go. I've got the boys."

"Are you sure?"

Sam nodded. "If there's something wrong, you need to go to her. I'll get them loaded back in the car."

"Sorry, Sam."

"Go, Dean. Now."

Dean nodded and disappeared, reappearing just outside an old barn. He rushed into the building, damning the consequences and heard it; the keening sounds of sadness.

"Cas?" Dean asked softly as he traveled over to his friend.

"She's dead," he stated flatly and Dean got the first look at what was in the angel's arms. Tory's broken body was being cradled with care.

"Ryan…?"

"I'm over here," he heard her soft voice reply.

He glanced across the way and watched as she finished pulling a machete out of her chest. "Ryan…?" he repeated before he ran to her, dropping to his knees. "Ryan!" He hugged her tightly and was soon covered in blood. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "I don't-I don't know. I mean, I know, I just…"

"Did Cas do this? Save you?" Looking at the blood and the wound, it was certainly a fatal injury.

Dean ripped open her shirt and watched in amazement as the wound knit itself back together. "No," she breathed. "Cas didn't do this."

Dean felt his stomach plummet. "Ryan, how do you feel?"

"Not dead," she whispered as she fell into his arms. "Oh, Dean, I don't…I shouldn't…it shouldn't be me."

"No," Cas stated coldly as he stood. "It shouldn't be you. What were you two thinking, going in here without help?"

"I tried to tell her," Ryan started softly. "There were twenty of them. I didn't realize the Alpha was here, too. I didn't…we didn't know."

"She is dead, Ryan. She's dead and it is all your fault!" Castiel shouted.

Ryan winced. "I know, Cas. I know. I just…"

"No! You have done quite enough! I must go to her. Now. And find her."

Before Dean could speak, Castiel was gone. "Where did he…"

"Heaven," Hope said as she appeared. "He went to find her, in Heaven."

"How did you know where to find us?" Dean asked her.

"Sam called me on my phone," she stated as she knelt down to her mother. "The rest is easy. We share the same blood." She ran a gentle hand over Ryan's cheek. "Mom? How are you?"

"Alive?" Ryan guessed.

Hope smiled, but Dean could see the worry in her eyes. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's get you back to the bunker, okay?"

"I…Tory…"

Dean glanced over at their friend's body. "I'll bring her. Hope, take your mother to the bunker."

"But, Dean," Ryan began protesting.

Dean pressed a kiss to her temple. "Go with Hope, honey, I'll take care of Tory."

"You promise?" her voice was wavering with sorrow.

He nodded. "She's in good hands. I swear."

He watched them both disappear, then he walked over to Tory's body. She looked like a broken doll and for just a moment, Dean could imagine how he would have felt if it had been Ryan laying there. Then, he wondered _why _it wasn't Ryan laying there. And the answer terrified him.

He gathered Tory in his arms and popped back to the bunker to find Ben waiting for him outside. "Hope called me," he stated simply as he opened the garage door. He looked at Tory's body in Dean's arms and swallowed hard. "Tory's been in my life almost as long as Ryan has. She's…this is gonna crush everyone."

"You've all been lucky to have not lost anyone before now," Dean stated gruffly.

Ben sucked in a breath and nodded. "I know." Dean took her and put her in her old room. "We need to get her cleaned up…"

Dean nodded. "Not yet, though. I need to check on Ryan."

Ben's eyes narrowed. "What happened?"

"They got cocky," was all Dean said as he walked away and headed toward the medical bay.

He walked in and was surprised to see Hope readying a syringe filled with her blood. "What are you doing?"

She glanced at Ryan, who appeared to be asleep, then at Dean. "She came back to life, Dad. What do you think I'm doing? I'm being proactive here."

"By injecting her with more angel blood?"

"Mine is stronger than Castiel's. Maybe…maybe it will help."

"Is she turning?"

Hope looked at her mother and shook her head. "No. She isn't. And I don't know why."

"The spell Gabe put on her?"

"Then why did she live?"

Dean didn't have an answer for that. "Why is she asleep?"

"I put a whammy on her after I gave her a Vicodin and a few fingers of whiskey."

"Are you trying to kill her again?"

Hope smirked. "She can handle it. Trust me. She'll wake up groggy but she'll wake up."

"What's happening here, Hope?"

His angel daughter was quiet a moment before she seethed, "I don't know. And I fall out with you and Cas and Sam and Mom for keeping it from me."

Dean just looked at her. "What do you mean?"

She sat the syringe down and turned to him, poking him in the chest, backing him toward the wall. "You guys knew about all this demon stuff and you didn't tell me. You know about everything. The shit from Lucifer, the demon stuff, all of it! Why didn't you tell me?!"

He blinked in surprise. "I honestly thought you knew, Hope. I figured…you and Ryan are so close…"

"Not anymore," she whispered sadly as she looked down at her mom. "I didn't realize…Gabe didn't prepare me for any of this. I mean…I just…I love her. I love you. It's not like with Gabe. I don't have any memories, any frames of reference for either of you. You two _are _my parents. And you're both…it's just…" she sighed. "It's not fair."

Dean smiled glumly as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight before pressing a kiss to her hair. "No one said life was fair, kid. It doesn't matter if you're an angel, a demon, or a plain old human. None of it's fair."

"Tell me about it," she replied sullenly. She didn't move from his arms as she continued hugging him and hummed contentedly as he held her there, his arms wrapped tightly around her, his lips on her hair. "I wish I'd have had this when I was little," she admitted softly.

"Me too," he told her. "I wish I could have been there, Hope."

She pulled away just slightly to look up at him. She didn't have to look up far. They were almost eye level with one another. If she'd have been in heels instead of boots, she could have been taller than him. "It wasn't meant to be. That whole 'life ain't fair' stuff, right?"

He smirked as Ryan's slight southern twang emerged from Hope's voice. "Yeah, I guess so."

She regarded him a moment as her brows knit.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "What? You're giving me that weird angel look."

She blinked and shook her head. "Nothing. It's just…I remember seeing you."

"When?"

"New Orleans. When Gabe brought me and asked me to do this. I'd never seen a soul so bright. I wasn't thrilled with the concept of having anything to do with The Righteous Man. I didn't want to get involved in any of our brothers' fights, but Gabriel, of course, managed to get me around to his way of thinking…"

Dean smiled. "I think he has that effect on people."

She smiled too. "But I saw you, and Mom, both that day. Your soul…I'd never seen one that shined like the sun before."

Dean chuckled as he pulled away. "And now it's like a black pit of despair, huh?"

She shook her head. "No. It isn't. It's gray. And that's confusing, too. It used to be darker."

"Are you saying I'm un-demonizing and Ryan's turning into a demon?"

She shrugged. "I don't know yet. That'll take more time to check on."

They were both quiet a moment and before he could stop himself, he asked, "What about Ryan? What did her soul look like in New Orleans?"

"Not as bright as yours. Of course, it's kind of like looking at a light bulb after looking at the sun. It's plenty bright, just not blinding."

"And now?"

Hope sucked in a breath. "Now, hers is dimming."

"Is this my fault?" Dean wondered aloud.

Hope's hand snuck into his and squeezed. "No. It isn't. This…this is nothing you could have prevented. Truthfully, she would probably still be battling this, even without you."

"What do you mean?"

Hope bit her lip and glanced over at her mother. "Lucifer's marked her, just like he marked Sam. My brother has done a lot of terrible things in this world, Dad." She looked up at him and for a moment, he didn't see his daughter, he saw a scared angel. "I'm terrified of what he has planned. He was always the most cunning of the four archangels."

"Tell me about them?"

She chuckled. "I thought you knew all you wanted to know about angels."

"Angels, yes, but your relationship to them, I find fascinating."

She shrugged. "There's not much to tell. They were created first. Then my sisters and I."

"You knew them, both of them."

She nodded. "They chose their vessels well. You and Sam are quite similar to them in some ways." Dean's nose wrinkled unbidden and she laughed. "That wasn't meant to be an insult!"

"I know, but still…"

She chortled. "Well, it's true. Of course, I see the good in both of them, and the bad." She shivered slightly. "They always did frighten me where you and Sam don't."

"And Gabriel?"

She smirked. "Oh, that's a whole other subject. The other two may be my brothers only in our species. Gabriel is my brother in the truest sense." She stepped away and Dean let her go as she walked over to Ryan. She paused as if debating something before she said, "I don't know if it's because of the angel blood or not, but she's not aging."

Dean's eyes grew wide. "What?"

Hope sighed. "I've noticed it for the past few years. She's stopped aging, Dad. Just like you."

"That...doesn't sound good."

Hope shrugged. "Well, it's not terrific, but, hey, it's not bad, either."

He looked at Ryan. She was just a human. She should be having human problems. Not demons and angel blood and all this other crap. "Should we stop the injections?"

Hope picked up the syringe and looked at it. The blood in it looked so normal. "I don't think that's the wisest course of action at this time."

Dean blew out a breath. "Why the hell can't anything be simple?"

Hope laughed. "Because, we're Winchesters, Dad. It comes with the name."

He snorted. "Don't I know it." He watched as Hope quickly injected Ryan with her blood.

"I don't know if this is right or not, but it certainly can't hurt her," Hope whispered.

"You're sure?"

Hope nodded. "It's just a little booster shot."

"Why do you think she lived?"

Hope looked at him with wide brown eyes. "Truthfully?" He nodded. "Because of you," she told him. "This isn't your fault, no, but I think the fact that you're a demon, the king demon, with the Mark of Cain, I believe that saved her life. And for that, I'm grateful."

Dean sucked in a breath, blew it out, and nodded. He was afraid of that. He didn't know where this would lead, and he didn't like not knowing. But instead, he said, "Okay. So now we wait?"

She nodded and sat next to the bed. "I already popped her arm back in joint. The wound is healed. So, yeah, now we wait."

Ryan came to about fifteen minutes later. Sam had driven back with the boys and he was helping Hope and Krissy get Tory cleaned up and ready for the funeral pyre they would perform that night at dark.

Dean was standing in a flash as Ryan moaned. "Ryan? Honey? Are you okay?"

She blinked her eyes open. "Dean? I had the worst dream…"

She looked past him as Hope walked in and Ryan began shaking her head. "No…Dean…it isn't…it didn't…"

He nodded. "I'm sorry, Ryan. Baby, I'm so sorry…"

She let out a sob and threw her arms around him. He picked her up and sat her in his lap as he sat down.

Hope came over and touched two fingers to Ryan's wrist, checking something on her mom, no doubt. "I'll give you two a few minutes," Hope told him softly. "I just wanted to make sure she was awake."

"Is she okay?" he wanted to know.

Hope nodded. "She seems to be." She paused. "Physically, at least. Emotionally…"

He nodded in understanding. He knew how it felt to lose someone he cared about. He'd lost enough to remember it too keenly. He rocked Ryan a few moments until she pulled away. "Why did I live?"

"Aren't you glad you did?"

"That's not the point," she whispered through her tears.

"No. It's not. Hope and I think it's because you're tied to tightly to me. I can't die, so, maybe now that we're together, neither can you."

"I died when Jon was born. Cas brought me back."

"I hadn't accepted you as my own yet, either, Ryan."

She was quiet for a few moments. "The boys…Hope…they love her like an aunt. Hope shouldn't have to…" She moved to get up but Dean held her fast.

"Don't. Hope and Krissy want to get her cleaned up and ready for the funeral tonight."

Ryan let out another sob as she clutched him all the tighter. "It's been a long time since we've lost someone, Dean."

He kissed her forehead. "I know, sweetheart. I know. Let it out…."

She cried for a long while before she pulled away and smiled sadly. "Do you know how many times I've wished it was you holding me as I cried?"

He wiped at the tear tracks on her face. "I wish you never had to cry. But if you do, I'm glad I'm the one holding you."

She hugged him tightly. "Thank you," she whispered. "How's Cas?"

"Hope said he went to find her, in heaven. I haven't seen him since then."

"She needs to fly up and check on him. He's like my brother, Dean. I…I couldn't prevent this. I told her not to go in, that we should call for backup, but as usual, she didn't listen…"

Dean smiled despite himself. "Sounds like someone else I know. That sounds an awful lot like me."

She smiled, too. "Well, you two are both impulsive, that much is for sure. And you love fiercely." She dropped her head back to his chest. "What are we gonna do without her?"

"Go on, like usual. What choice do we have?"

"It's not fair."

He let out a snort. "Hope and I just had this conversation, it seems."

"Why can't he poof her back? Let her live? What makes me so special he can bring me back to life, but not her?"

"I don't know, Ryan. I don't know."

She glanced down at her arm and noticed the puncture wound. "I thought you said you hadn't seen Cas."

"I haven't."

"Then who juiced me?"

"Hope. She seemed to think maybe a booster shot would help."

She swallowed and stood. "I need to see her. Where is Andy?"

"Sam's gonna go get her now that you're awake. He told the boys. They needed to know. They haven't seen her yet."

Ryan sucked in a breath and blew it out. "Okay. Good." She pulled away then and stood. "Can you stay with me?"

He didn't hesitate. "I'll call Meg, tell her the situation, let her know she and Bells are in charge while I'm topside."

Ryan shook her head. "She and Tory were never best friends."

"That's because Tory had what Meg always wanted."

"Cas?"

Dean nodded. "You spend a couple of hell centuries with a person, you get to know them pretty well. She never thought she was worthy for Cas. I mean, he's an angel. She's a demon."

"It hasn't stopped Hope and Jesse."

"But Tory and Cas were already an item. You can say what you want about Meg, but she's not a scavenger. She doesn't take leftovers and she doesn't steal. She's…she's loyal."

Ryan inclined her head. "Yes, she is."

"Keeping you guys a secret, not withstanding…" he stated lightly.

"That was at Castiel's insistence. You know she is loyal to you both, but she realized Cas wanted it kept a secret, so, she did as he asked. I'm sure if you explicitly asked, she wouldn't have lied to you."

He chuckled. "Yeah. I can hear that conversation. 'Hey, Meg, do I have any kids with Ryan you're keeping from me?'"

Ryan cracked a small smile. "She'd have told you the truth. Then you'd have stormed your way up here and I wouldn't have been the world's biggest horse's ass, and kept them from you all these years."

"You were afraid, Ryan. You were terrified being a demon changed me that much."

"But even when Cas emphatically stated you were the same guy, I still kept them from you." She hung her head. "I was a dick, Dean."

He grasped her chin and lifted it so her eyes would meet his. "Yeah, you were. But there's nothing we can do about it now."

"We could have someone go back to the past…travel back in time, tell us to change our ways. Make me see…"

"Would you want that? It would change everything."

"One of my best friends is dead, Dean. The love of your best friend's life is dead. Don't you think if we could go back and change it…"

"Nothing good comes from going back, Ryan. I learned that lesson. Twice, actually. We can only move forward."

"It still sucks," she pouted, her voice almost childlike.

He pulled her to him for another hug. "Yeah, it does. But that's life. We aren't exempt from heartache. If anything, we live it more than anyone else. You especially, Ryan. But we move on. We persevere. Isn't that the story of your life?"

"What happens when I'm too tired to persevere?"

He kissed her forehead again. "Then, I just pick you up and carry you."

"I love you," she whispered into his chest.

"I love you more," he replied.

She pulled away then, sucked in another breath, and sighed. "Come on. We need to go get this done. I want her body safe."

He nodded. "I'm going to go start the pyre. It'll be ready."

She grasped his hand and squeezed. "I'm sorry you have to build another one."

"I'm more sorry you have to be present for one."

That night, they all gathered around the wooden structure Dean had carefully constructed. Soft sobs could be heard from almost every person in attendance. It was the first time Dean had been a part of an actual funeral. The last person he had cared for this way was Kevin. It was weird to see the boy across the way, holding hands with Claire, talking softly to her and Charlie. He was glad Hope had brought him back, but this...this didn't seem fair. Tory should get to live, shouldn't she? But Hope wasn't strong enough, and though Gabriel had offered, they were terrified for him to even attempt to use his powers to bring Tory back. Hope had gone upstairs to check on her. She had been fine and quite relaxed, enjoying a pretty mountain picnic area, with Cas by her side. She wasn't mad, she wasn't upset, she was completely cool, so much like she was in her human life, Hope reported. Cas, however, was not, and Hope had told them all they needed to give him some space, that she, personally, would check on him.

Sam cleared his throat. "Tonight, we come to lay our friend, Victoria, to rest. What can I say about Tory? She was a wild child. She loved life and she loved her family. She was an integral part of our lives and she will be missed greatly." The soft sounds of sadness continued and Dean held Ryan closer as she turned and sobbed into his chest. His eyes traveled to Sam, who had walked back to Andy and took her in his arms. Tory was Andy and Ryan's best friend. This was a tough blow for both of them. It made most of them realize their mortality and humanity all the more. They'd all been living in a bubble for the past few years in regards to losses. Things had been somewhat calm with him ruling Hell and Cas handling things in Heaven. This was going to be hard on them all.

Hope came forward then and held the torch aloft. "We will miss you, Tory. You were a friend, an aunt, a confidant, a partner, and we love you. We are glad you've found peace and you are safe in Heaven with your angel." She lit the pyre and as the flames caught, she began to sing in her soft, honeyed soprano;

_**Spend all your time waiting  
For that second chance  
For a break that would make it okay  
There's always some reason  
To feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day**_

_**I need some distraction  
Or a beautiful release  
Memories seep from my veins  
Let me be empty  
Oh and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight**_

_**In the arms of the angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear**_

_**You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort here**_

Still, the crying continued and Dean kind of wished Hope had picked any song besides the one from the chick with the SPCA commercials, but it was oddly appropriate. Tory was in the arms of her angel. He just didn't know how that would change Cas. For years, for the whole time Dean had known the angel, he'd always loved humans. But this time, he wondered if maybe loving a human might be Castiel's ultimate demise.

* * *

**October Thirty-First**

**Gabriel POV **

"Come on, Jon," Gabe whispered to his brother. The house was quiet. Dean was down in Hell attending to business, Ryan was asleep, this was the perfect time.

"You're crazy," Jon muttered as they snuck out of the house.

"Hey, you're eight now. Today's your birthday, bro. The party was awesome, and now we're moving on to the after-party, party. Come on. I've got angel juice, you've got demon mojo, we can be gone and back before Mom wakes up."

"And if she wakes up and finds us gone, or Dad comes back?"

"We'll be fine!"

Jon's sour face glared at him. "If you get killed, I'm telling."

Gabriel's eyes widened. "I knew watching 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' was a bad idea. Now you're quoting it?"

Jon grinned and shrugged. "So...remind me again _why _we are doing this?"

Gabriel slung his arm around his brother. "Because I wanted to get you something and a simple dumb gift just wasn't enough."

"So...taking me on a field trip is?"

"Hell yes, when we're both hunters-in-training and no one seems to want to let us hunt." In light of Tory's death, Ryan had but the kibosh on Gabriel going hunting for a little while longer, which had thoroughly pissed him off. He was an archangel for crying out loud! He should be allowed to do what he wanted! He respected Ryan because she was Ryan and she was his mom in every sense of the word, but still, he needed some breathing room here. Add in the fact he was also part vampire, he needed to get out and kill something. He'd been feeling it for a while now. He just needed to stretch his grace a bit and see what kind of real trouble he could get into.

"I still don't got the warm and fuzzies, Gabe," Jon told him as they walked to edge of the yard and poofed over to the bunker to pick up their gear. "I mean, we are still kids," he whispered so as not to wake Charlie or Claire.

"But we're more than kids," Gabriel argued. He glanced at his brother. "You're not chickening out on me, are you?"

The younger boy stood straighter. "Of course not! I just...I don't think this is a good idea. If they find out..."

"They won't. Look, I researched this myself. It's all legit."

"But...vampires? It seems like a bad idea since it was vampires that killed Tory just a few months ago..."

"Yeah, but I've got a few tricks up my sleeve and I think we need to pay back this bastard for killing Tory in the first place."

"You didn't say we were going after The Alpha! We aren't, are we?" Gabriel could hear the fear in Jon's tone.

Gabe sighed. "No. I can't get a bead on him. But we'll send him a message, let him know not to mess with us."

"I don't like this, Gabriel. Not one bit."

"Well, if you're too chicken..."

"I am _not _a chicken!"

Gabe smiled. "Okay then." He picked up his machete and tossed Jon one. "Then let's go. We've got work to do."

Jon looked at the blade, then his brother, sighed, and nodded. "Let's do it."

* * *

**Dean POV **

He could hear Led Zep blaring from the bathroom and he had to grin as he propped up on the door and he watched, silently, as Ryan sang along to 'Ramble On' as she swiped powder on her face. "Damn. She's got a smoking hot body, she's got a brilliant mind, she's listening to my favorite song, and is currently wearing an AC/DC shirt. If that's not the definition of a perfect woman, then I don't know what is."

She shot him a sour look in the mirror before she rolled her eyes and smiled. "Would you go wake the boys? I told them they could help me with some research on ghosts. They're fascinated. Kevin is going to tell them what it's like being inside the veil. That's one thing Gabriel doesn't have any experience with." She frowned. "Although, if he doesn't stop acting like a petulant child, he might find out firsthand what it feels like to actually _be _a ghost."

Dean winced. While he understood Ryan's desire to keep the boys safe, he didn't necessarily agree with her. He was just hoping over time she would mellow out. The boys, even more so than Hope, needed to know how to fight. Gabriel was headed for Purgatory, and Jon for Hell. Both positions meant lots of fighting and a lot of battles that would need to be fought with experience, not by babying them. But, he didn't want to step on her toes about this. Not yet. She was still smarting about Tory's death.

The birth of their niece, Allison Victoria Winchester, in the end of July helped matters some, but still, there was definitely a gaping hole left by the huntress's death, one none of them had really gotten over. It was hard on the boys and Hope, who all thought of Tory as that crazy aunt you loved to hang out with. Even now, her VW bus sat in the bunker's garage. Hope and Ben had lovingly tuned her one last time and she was sitting, as if waiting her owner's return, parked in the stall next to Dorothy's motorcycle. Dorothy was another thing Dean still didn't know everything about. He'd heard stuff, but no one knew exactly that happened to Charlie in Oz. Apparently there was a fight, Charlie's dark side came to the forefront, and, well, details were sketchy, but she had moved past it, he guessed.

"Earth to Dean?" Ryan inquired as she came over to him.

He smiled down at her as his arms circled around her waist. "You really are perfect, you know that?"

She shook her head as she smiled and stood on tiptoe to kiss him, her arms wrapping around his neck. "And you're biased."

He shrugged as his hands fitted in the back pockets of her jeans. "Yeah? So what if I am? Got something you wanna say about it, woman?"

She bit her lip. "I'd say you would get lucky if it wasn't for the fact the monsters will bust in here at any minute."

"Damn," he pouted as he leaned in for another kiss. "Oh well. Such is life."

"Go, get them up. I'll make us some breakfast."

"Pancakes?"

"You're worse than the boys," she chided. "How about some Eggo waffle-wiches to go?"

"Well, that could work," he conceded.

"Sold to the good demon in blue. Blue is a good color for you. But green is better," she commented as she ran a finger down his chest.

He glanced down at his shirt. He had on a blue tee with a plaid flannel overshirt that had blue in it too. "Thanks. I feel pretty."

She laughed out loud. "I love you. Go get our boys. Let me get my boots on."

He gave her another quick peck on the lips and walked out of the room and down the hall, stopping to give the dogs a pat on the head. The creatures had warmed up to him. Who knew? Maybe his time as an honorary dog had helped him befriend them. Or maybe it was the big ass steaks he'd snuck them that had done the trick.

He knocked on the boys' door and when he didn't get an answer, the two dogs whined. He glanced down at them and his eyes narrowed. "Yeah, that's not normal, is it?" The silence coming from their room wasn't normal, either. He opened the door and gasped as he saw two pillow forms hiding under the covers. His jaw set. "Ryan?"

"Yeah, I'm coming!" she called lightly from the bedroom. She walked to him still putting an earring in her ear. "What are you..." her eyes narrowed as well as she saw the room was empty. "Where are they?"

"By the looks of the beds, I'd say we have two escape artists."

Her nostrils flared in anger. "I'm going to kill them."

He chuckled. "Come on. Even I snuck out of bed a time or two, Ryan."

"It. Is. Dangerous out there, Dean!"

He grasped her shoulders. "I know, Ryan. I know. But just...wait a minute, okay? Just breathe. They've got angel juice and demon mojo. They're fine. They've just gone out joyriding or something. Not literally," he added quickly as she paled. "All the vehicles that are supposed to be here are here. But I'm sure they just..."

"Just what, Dean? We have an eleven year old archangel and a now eight year old cambion running amok in the world. Where could they be? What are they doing? What are they...?"

"I can find them, easily, Ryan."

"Take me to them," she demanded. "Now."

"Whoa, Annie Oakley, don't go in there guns blazing. Calm down."

"Calm down? Dean, they ran away from home!"

"They went to get into a little mischief. I mean, come on, Gabriel _is _Loki after all..." The bitchface was blaring at him and he winced again. "Look, I agree, they're in trouble. But come on, let's not go in flying off the handle..."

"Fuck the handle, Dean. Take me to them so I can murder their asses."

He couldn't laugh, he really shouldn't, but finally, after months of watching her mourn her friend, to see this fire in her, he couldn't help cracking a smile. "Yes, ma'am."

"Now, damn it."

He chuckled as he grasped her waist. "You sure you wanna fly demon air?"

"You sure you wanna get laid tonight?" she retorted flatly.

"Shit. She's bringing out the big guns. Damn," he muttered as he called on his blood connection to the boys, and went to them.

They arrived outside a barn. "What are they...?" Ryan began, but Dean grabbed her and put a hand over her mouth as he silently sent a message to Meg, who popped up only seconds later with Bela hot on her heels, the First Blade in her hands. Ryan gave Dean a little shove. "Dean, what is going on?"

"There are monsters in there, Ryan."

Ryan sucked in a breath. "They...they're in there...with the boys?"

Dean nodded. "Bela, stay with Ryan, Meg, you're with me..."

"No," Ryan stated flatly. "Those are my sons in there, Dean!"

"And they're mine, too, damn it!" He sighed. "Look, I can't protect them if I'm worried about you, Ryan. You're human, okay? And right now, the two of them can protect themselves better than you can. Just...please, for once in your life, listen to me, okay?"

"You...you'll bring them both back to me, won't you?"

He ran his thumb down her cheek. "You know I will." He glanced over at Bela. "You're holding onto my heart, Hells Bells. Protect it, would you?"

Bela smiled and nodded. "Of course. Come, Ryan. Let's get somewhere safe."

He watched as Bela led Ryan slightly away from the building and Meg glanced at it. "How bad is it in there, Dean?"

His jaw set once more. "Not nearly as bad as it's going to get. These dumb dickweeds fail to realize who they've messed with. You don't fuck with the king of Hell's kids."

Meg smiled. "I love it when you get all bad ass, Dean." His eyes narrowed at her and she shrugged. "What? I can't tell the truth?"

"Let's go get my kids."

The two demons marched toward the building and Dean didn't waste another moment as his hand flashed out in front of him and the double doors burst open. He stepped inside and smiled. "Who's up for an ass kicking?"

Movement from his left caught his attention and to his dismay, he saw both of the boys strung up in some sort of chains holding them to different types of crosses. These asshats had done their homework. The cross holding Jon reminded him of the one in hell, the one to hold demons for torture. The other, he'd never seen before, but he recognized the Enochian etching on it. It was meant to contain an angel.

"Well, well, well, Dean Winchester. As I don't live and breathe," he heard a deep, melodic voice call.

His eyes narrowed anew as he glanced at the creature. "You know, I never did catch your name, Alpha," he stated to the vampire.

The Alpha shrugged. "It matters not. I just know I'm here to put a stop to your little prophecy crap. All I have to do is kill one of them to make it not come true. Which one, Dean?" He walked one step closer to the boys, who Dean was dismayed to see were both unconscious. "The demon? Or the Angel? Personally, I'm hoping to kill the angel, but I realize you can make another demon brat with your whore, so I'm assuming he'll be the one to go. Pity. I hate this angel for what he's done to me and my mother."

Dean's brows knit. Ryan had filled him in on Gabriel's...history with Eve. Gabriel himself had told him a few more important details about his time as Loki and the monster creator who had captured his heart. Dean had quite a few things he would have loved to have said to the boy, but at the same time, he couldn't fault love. And it was clear, Gabriel had loved Eve, as odd as it sounded. Only time would tell if he would still love her as a fully grown angel. Person. Whatever. "What did he ever do to you? Let them go! Let them both go, or face the consequences."

The Alpha laughed. "Consequences? Surely you jest. I am millenia old, Dean. I have been around for longer than you can even compute. I was one of The Mother's first creations."

Dean gave The First Blade a little flip in his hand. "Is that so? Well, my happy ass is backed by a mark older than that. Which one of us will win? You're only as immortal as your head still being attached. You can't kill me."

"The Mark and its powers were given by an angel. Do you not think, once your angel broke my mother's heart, she didn't tell me how to destroy marks from angels?"

"Dean..." Meg began softly.

"He's bluffing," Dean stated defiantly. "But I applaud your attempt at scaring me. But didn't you get the memo? I'm the meanest son of a bitch left on the planet. You can't kill me, dipshit. And if you try, you just make me mad. You've already pissed me off, taking my boys, hurting them, and for that, I won't let you leave this barn. So just try. Why don't you grow wings like a bat and attempt to fly your vampy ass out of here, huh? Oh, that's right, you can't." Dean disappeared and then reappeared right behind The Alpha. He grabbed the dark skinned vamp and held him in a vice grip with his left arm as his right brought the blade up to the vampire's line of sight. "But see, I can. I can make myself be wherever I want. And guess what? I want to be right here, chopping your head off."

The Alpha laughed nervously. "Dean, I just..."

Dean moved the blade to his neck. "No. You don't get to call me 'Dean'. Only my friends do that. You may call me Sir, or, hey, Master even works. But it doesn't really matter. I'm done with you now." With one quick motion, Dean lopped the creature's head off. The other fifteen or so vampires just looked at him in horror. He smiled. "Meg, why don't you clean up. I'll take care of my boys."

Meg grinned. "Oh, my pleasure."

He watched her work for only a moment. Meg with a machete was a beautiful thing, it really was. "Save a few for Bela," he commanded softly as he called for his other knight to bring Ryan in. He quickly moved to first Gabriel's cross, untying him and unlatching him from the chains with the Enochian symbols on them. "Gabe? Buddy, come on, wake up now."

Gabriel's eyes slowly flickered open as Dean picked him up and carried him down from the hayloft. "Dad?"

Dean smiled. Some days, he forgot the kid was actually an angel and not just his son. Sometimes, Gabriel did, too. "Yeah. I'm here."

"I'm sorry...I just wanted..."

"Shhh, don't worry. Your mom will deal with you."

Gabriel gulped loudly and nodded just as Ryan burst into the room. "Gabe! Jon!"

Gabriel winced. "She's going to kill me, isn't she?"

Dean clapped him on the shoulder. "Probably."

"Shit," Gabe muttered under his breath.

Dean chuckled as he moved over to Jon's trap. He felt it, the wardings against it. These vamps definitely knew what they were doing. But Dean was one of the most powerfully evil creatures on the planet, therefore, he was able to destroy the bindings and pull Jon into his arms. "Jon? Bud? Wake up now. Come on."

Jon's eyes flickered open as well, first black, then the green of his father. "Daddy!" he cried as he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck.

Dean winced as he smelled his son's blood from the chains where they'd cut into him. A glance at Gabriel showed him healing his wounds as he was being checked over by Ryan. His eyes met Ryan's and she gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you," she whispered. "For saving them."

He smiled and kissed Jon's hair as he picked the little boy up and healed his son's wounds. "You okay?"

"Yeah. It was scary. I'm a chicken, Daddy. I can't...the monsters..." the little boy started sobbing and Dean's brows furrowed as he glanced over at Gabriel, who looked like he'd just watched his puppy get run over.

"It's all my fault!" Gabriel cried as he wrapped his arms around Ryan's neck. "I'm so sorry! I thought we were grown! I'm a crappy angel, Mama! I'm so sorry! Take me to Heaven, make them burn me with the brand! I don't deserve the grace! It's all my fault!"

Dean watched Ryan suck in a breath. "We will deal with you when we get home. But for now...let's get out of here."

Dean waited until Gabriel had grasped Ryan's hand and had carried her back home before he chanced a glance at his two knights, who were eyeing him. "Yes?" he inquired.

Bela shook her head. "I've yet to see you with them. You really truly are good with them. It is a shame you aren't human, Dean."

"Thanks, I think," he commented. "You two finish the cleanup. I want this place burnt to the ground. Then, Meg, I want you to pay a special trip to Purgatory. Tell Eve what The Alpha was attempting to do. I'm sure she'll be quite pleased to torture him a little bit for us."

Meg gave him a huge smile. "With pleasure, boss."

He gave them both a little half-salute, and disappeared with Jon back home. Once there, he winced as he heard Ryan's voice shrilly screaming at Gabriel. "This ain't good, Daddy," Jon muttered. "But I agreed. It's my fault, too."

Dean knelt down to stand Jon on the porch. "Then man up, son, and admit it. If you didn't do anything, you're good, but don't throw your brother under the bus, either. I've got the feeling this is gonna haunt him forever."

Jon nodded, squared his shoulders like a little man, and walked into the house. Dean blew out a breath. "Hope, Hope, I think we need you."

"Ask and ye shall receive," she commented as she appeared before him. Just then, Ryan's voice almost reached a decibel only dolphins could hear and she cringed. "Yikes. What the hell did Gabriel do?"

"Almost got him and Jon killed by vampires."

Hope's jaw set. "That little shit. Is he that stupid? I've told him and told him, just because he got his grace, does _not _mean he can access it fully yet! Not even when they curbed mine had I gotten able to use it all yet! These vessels, the way he's melded us with them, have allowed us to be more human, but it came with a price! Dumbass!" she growled as she, too, walked into the house.

Dean sighed one more time before he followed his daughter. This was not going to be pretty. He walked in just in time to hear Gabriel say, "Look, I know, okay? I saw the angel blades. They could have killed us."

"You're damn right they could have! How could you be so stupid, Gabriel?" Ryan railed. "If you or Jon had gotten killed..."

Gabriel hung his head. "I know, alright? If one of us had died, the prophecy..."

Ryan gasped. "Do you think I give two shakes of a rat's _ass _about the prophecies, Robert Gabriel?! Is that really what you think?!" She knelt before him and took his face in her hand. "Look at me," she demanded, softer now.

Her voice was wavering and there were tears in her eyes as she said, "You and Jon are my _sons. _I don't think you realize what that means to me. Do you know what I've _done _for you and your brother and your sister? Do you even comprehend what I've given up? I love you three so much, I trusted you so implicitly, I gave up my soul mate. I know you don't think that's a big deal, and maybe it isn't, but, Gabe, honey, it's everything. I could have just...I could have walked away. From Hope, from you, from the chance at having Jon, but I felt that love bloom, the love of a mother. And it transcends everything. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. Not because you're an angel. Not because you're part of a prophecy. Hell, not even because I've let you possess me. I did it because you are my child and the love I feel for you and your brother and your sister is all encompassing. I've protected you three, kept you from your father, kept you from evil finding you, kept you hidden away from my friends, the people that love me the most," her eyes moved briefly to Dean's, "from the man I love the most, all because I knew I needed to keep you safe. And do you realize how utterly ridiculous that is? I thought I had to protect you from Dean? Of all people, demon or no. But I did. "

She sighed. "Gabriel, you've been in me, you've been in my head. You know what weird, depraved things are in there. And I still didn't scare you off. You know me." She chuckled flatly. "The angels talk about the bond Dean and Cas have, but it's nothing compared to us. I love you, Gabriel. I always have. But if you think for one minute, I care more about the prophecies than I do about you or your brother, then you don't know me at all."

"I screwed up," Gabriel's voice was small and so childlike, Dean wanted to go hug him, but he knew this moment was between Ryan and Gabe. He would get his chance.

Ryan wiped away an errant tear and nodded. "You bet your ass you have. I should have Hope bring down that God-awful brand and mark you, deplete your powers."

The boy nodded solemly. "Yeah. You should."

She shook her head. "But I'm not."

"You're not?"

She continued shaking her head. "No. You're being punished far worse than what I could do. I see it, Gabe. You love Jon. As much, if not more than Dean loves Sam. You're a big brother in the truest sense. I don't know how it works, but somehow, a demon and an angel are brothers."

Gabe smiled slightly. "It worked for Dean and Sam for years."

"Hey," Dean stated indignantly.

Gabriel smiled at him. "You didn't know Sam had demon blood, but he was part demon. And you...you were more angel than you thought you were, Dad."

"My how the tables have turned," Dean muttered under his breath.

Gabriel thought a moment and shook his head. "Nah. You're still more angel than demon, even though you've got that mark and those black eyes."

Dean opened his mouth to comment, but snapped it shut as Gabriel turned back to Ryan.

"I'm so sorry, Mom. Really. And, yeah, it's tough for me. I have all my memories. But, it's not like they're me. I mean, I remember everything, down to the most minute of details, but it's not like it's my life. It's like I watched a movie, or wrote a book. I remember it, but it's like I didn't live it. Like it's not really mine. This, right here, right now, this is real. You, Jon, Dad, Hope, all our other family...this is the truest truth I've ever known. I'm sorry I abused that bond."

Ryan took in another deep breath. "You did wrong, yes, but I've been wrong, too. I was so terrified of losing you, I failed to realize how I was hampering you. You and Jon need to know how to hunt. You need to be out there, saving people, hunting things, learning the family business. You're slated for great things, Robert Gabriel. But you won't achieve those if I don't let you go."

His eyes widened. "Do you mean it?"

She nodded. "The next case that comes up, we'll take it. Me and you."

He smiled. "Really?"

She nodded. "Really. But on one condition."

"Name it."

"You do as I say, when I say it. I'm pulling a Dumbledore here, Harry."

The boy grimaced. "So, if you say 'run' I run, right?"

She nodded. "You got it."

He bit the inside of his cheek as he thought before he held out his hand for a handshake. "Deal."

She took his hand and pulled him close for a hug. "I love you," she breathed into his hair before she kissed it. "Even though you infuriate me most of the time."

He pulled away and Dean saw tears in the boy's eyes as well. "Well, hey, I wouldn't be a Winchester if I didn't piss you off, right?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, you're exactly right." She glanced up at Dean once more. "Like father, like son."

* * *

Later that night, as Dean held Ryan close while she slept, he heard the soft knocking at the door. "Yeah?" he called, his head turning to the door.

Gabriel came in. "You awake?"

Dean eased Ryan off of his chest and she rolled over and curled into a ball. He sat up and looked at the boy. "I don't sleep much anymore. Sometimes, yeah, but rarely. I just like laying here. It's relaxing."

"Can we talk?"

Dean's eyebrow shot up, but he nodded. He stood and slid a shirt on, thankful he'd kept on his pajama pants and padded barefoot after his son down to the kitchen. Once there, Gabriel got out the leftovers of the apple pie from the fridge. Dean smiled and pulled the vanilla ice cream out of the freezer and grabbed two bowls as Gabe got out the caramel sauce. "Good thinking, little big man."

After they'd made their treats, they sat, side-by-side at the island. "I screwed up royally today," the boy commented.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. You did."

"If the Alpha hadn't been there, Jon and I could have handled it."

Dean was quiet a minute before he said, "You're probably right. You and Jon, you make a good team, just like me and Sammy did. But that doesn't mean you go in somewhere half cocked."

"I researched...he shouldn't have been there...it shouldn't..." Gabriel blew out a breath and took a giant bite of ice cream. "I'm not this big of a screwup, am I?"

Dean chuckled. "Look, I know you're an angel of the Lord and all that jazz, but, dude, you're eleven years old. I don't know how that changes things, but it does. You might be an archangel, but you aren't an adult. It makes a difference."

"I just wanted to show her we could do it. Now we look even more like kids than we did."

"New flash, genius, you are a kid."

"But I'm an angel, like you said..."

Dean shrugged. "So? Look, Gabe, angel or no, you're still too young to work a case by yourself. It's that simple."

"You and uncle Sammy saved mom that night when you were eleven."

Dean sucked in a breath. There were a few nights in his memory he could remember as vividly as if they'd just happened. That night, the fear, the horror...it stayed with him. "And I was terrified."

"You were?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah. 'I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear'."

"Nelson Mandela, right?"

Dean nodded. He had more time on his hands, so he read more, down in Hell. "Fear is a great tool, Gabriel. It can guide you and strengthen you, if you let it."

Gabriel played with his spoon, swirling it in his melting ice cream. "It still sucks ass."

"Major ass suckage, bud, but it is what it is."

"We could have beaten him. We should have beaten him. Why didn't we?"

Dean looked at the boy over his spoon. "That's your first problem; never, _ever _go in cocky. That's what got Victoria killed. You aren't invincible, no one is."

"You are," the boy stated petulantly.

Dean shook his head. "No, I'm not. There is still something out there that can kill me. But more than that, there are things that can destroy me."

Gabriel's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You and Jon. It would destroy my heart if something happened to you two. I know I haven't been here, but that wasn't my fault. I love you guys. If something had happened to you..."

Gabe blew out a breath. "Yeah, I know, you're right, I just...I just wanted us to prove we could do it."

"Well, you can, don't give up on yourselves. Just not yet. You're not ready to be out on your own." Dean grinned. "Trust me. You and Jon will be out there, side by side, ganking monsters and saving the day soon enough."

"I just wanted it to be today."

Dean sighed. "Today...okay, that was bad. You win some, you lose some, son. It's the way life works. You suck it up and you move on. Lick your wounds and get past it."

The boy was quiet a moment before he said, "It's weird. I feel like a completely different person than I was."

"Maybe you are. Maybe this is really your second chance," Dean told him.

"Maybe I didn't deserve it. Maybe I was being selfish."

Dean smiled at that. "Maybe you were. But it's done now. Now you've got to live with it. Good, bad, indifferent, you deal."

"How?"

"Well, if you were older, I would suggest whiskey and denial, but since you're eleven, I think trying your damnedest to be the best person you can be is a start."

"I'm not a person."

"Yes. You are. And don't let anyone else tell you different. You're an angel, but you're more."

"You think? I mean, am I really?"

"I'm more than just some random demon, right?" Dean countered.

"Well, yeah. I mean...but that's because you're Dean Winchester; Righteous Man. Owner of the Mark of Cain, King of Hell, father to the balance keepers..."

Dean shook his head. "No. Not that crap. Me. I'm a person, too." At Gabriel's blank look, Dean continued. "Look, it's like this; I am all those things, but they don't define me. I like classic rock music. I love guns, though I don't use them anymore. My favorite food is pie. Until the recent past, I loved my car more than I ever loved a woman. I have two great boys that I am so freaking proud of I can't stand myself and a girl that's as kick ass as they come." He smiled a little. "I've got the love of a woman who makes me want to be the best person on the planet, and I try every day to prove I can be that man, even though I'm not technically a man anymore. So, no, I am not just stunt demon number three over here. I'm more than that. Every person, every creature, on the planet is. And that's the point. You choose to be good. You choose to not be a monster. You choose your life, man. Choose your own destiny."

"Like I tried to talk you out of," Gabriel stated.

Dean thought back to all those years before when Gabriel had plead with him and Sammy to play their parts. "Exactly. We did what we had to do, but not on anyone else's terms but our own. I could have said yes to Michael. Looking back now, I should have said it. But if I had, then I wouldn't have any of this. True, I wouldn't be a demon, but I wouldn't be alive, either."

"Michael definitely would have used you up," Gabriel agreed.

"See, that's another thing I don't understand. You didn't do that to Ryan. You could have used her up when you possessed her, but you didn't. Why would your brothers choose to?"

Gabriel winced. "My brothers were never very considerate. And, yeah, I was a dick, not gonna lie about that one, but at least I was considerate. Loki's vessel was meant to handle me. Ryan's...well, she's tough enough, she could probably handle almost anything. But I knew she needed more. She needed you. I wanted to give her that. She did everything I asked of her. And do you know, the only thing she asked me?"

Dean shook his head.

"Why she had to lie to you. That's the only thing that held her back. She's got one of the purest hearts I've ever seen."

"It's tainted now, by this demon shit," Dean commented.

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah. It is. I didn't foresee that. You have to know...out of all the tortures she's been tortured with, all the miserable things she's had to live through for this to come to pass, her becoming a demon was never part of the deal."

"Apparently your brother found a loophole."

"Lucifer is a douche."

"Not gonna argue that one. I still can't forgive him for what he did to Sammy. I don't know what went down in that cage, but..."

Gabriel winced. "You don't wanna know."

Dean sucked in a breath. "I'm sure I don't." They were silent a few moments. "Was Jon sleeping okay?" Dean had half expected the little boy to have nightmares.

"He, uh, he is now that I gave him a little something to settle him." At Dean's raised eyebrow, Gabriel smiled. "Just a little mojo of my own. He's okay. He's gonna be scared a while, though. I can't give him the stuff every night. But this first night..."

Dean nodded. "Ryan probably needed some of that." At Gabriel's silence, Dean chuckled. "Well, I'm glad you dosed them then."

"Just for tonight. They needed to rest..."

Dean clapped him on the shoulder. "You're a good person, Gabe. You're not like your brothers upstairs. You never were. You were always looking out for us...hairless apes? Wasn't that what we were called?"

Gabriel smiled. "I loved everything about humanity. Something I shared with Cas and Hope. If I could have gotten to Cas, I could have brought him down here with me and Hopey, but I knew he was destined for greatness. I knew he'd be the one, that he would be instrumental in getting you out of hell the first time." He paused. "I'm just sorry you had to go back."

Dean shrugged as he took another bite of pie. "Well, it isn't the worst job in the history of jobs, so, that's good."

"You're a good person, too, Dad. Don't let anyone else tell you different."

"I torture demons for fun," Dean reminded him.

Gabriel smiled. "Hey, I used to create monsters for fun. I'd say we're all a little messed up in the head, right?"

Dean chuckled. "And that, my boy, is why you make a perfect Winchester."

Gabriel was contemplative. "You know, I never really understood family until I made the decision to become your son. I'm glad I got the chance. It makes me appreciate everything even more now."

Dean ruffled his hair. "For what it's worth, I'm kinda glad it's you, Gabriel. We're a lot alike, aren't we?"

The boy nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"I'm honored you chose me, Gabe, to be your father."

Gabriel's voice was soft as he replied, "Me too."

* * *

**December Twenty Sixth**

Dean smiled as he walked over to Ryan. The kids were playing with their newest Christmas toys in their room and it was snowing outside. It had been a sad affair this year. Tory's as well as Castiel's presence were missed at the Christmas dinner table.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked as he wrapped his arm around her waist. She was standing, looking out the window as the snow gently fell. There was already about three inches on the ground and the weather forecasters were predicting at least three to five more before the day was over.

Ryan sighed as she leaned into his embrace. "Tory loved the snow. We would always have the most epic snowball fights."

He turned her and wrapped her in a hug. He put his chin on her head and said, "So? If she can't be here, let's go have a snowball fight in her memory."

"No, it wouldn't be..."

Dean grinned and pulled away, only enough to tug at her hand as he shouted, "Boys! Snowball fight! Go get coats and gloves and stuff!"

He smiled down at her. "Look, Tory's not here, but she wouldn't want us wasting our lives not enjoying it. I admit, I didn't know her that well, but what I knew of her, she was a 'no regrets' kind of person. So, no regrets, Ryan. Let's go have some fun with our boys in the snow."

She looked up at him from under those wet lashes and gave him a soft smile. "I like the sound of that."

He heard the boys clomping down the stairs and he said, "What do you say? Kids against grownups?"

"Daddy, you're gonna lose!" Jon stated boldly. "We got mojo times two on our side! You got a measly human on your side!"

Dean just looked at Ryan and grinned. "I like your mom being by my side. And what she lacks in mojo she makes up for in heart. We're gonna annihilate you."

"We'll see!" Gabriel shouted as they ran out the door.

Dean took in a deep breath. "You ready?"

She slipped her hand in his. "As long as you're by my side, right?"

He winked. "You got it."


	32. Touch The Hand

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even my house is mine. Please don't sue. I'm just having fun playing in Kripke's playground...**

**AN: Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for the reviews! And to my new followers and people liking the story, WELCOME! Come on in. The kool-aid is grape flavored, but I can make cherry if you'd like. LOL**

**So...this chapter is just fun. No drama, well, not much, but man, there will be belly laughs! Hope you're ready! Who's excited for tonight's Supernatural?! Me! Me! Ack. I'm nervous though. This is my first full live season. I'm not ready. Gah. Enjoy the chapter, ya'll!**

* * *

**February Fifteenth**

**Dean POV **

Dean popped topside and blew out an exhausted breath. Crowley might have been dead, but his mother was still being a pain in Dean's ass. So far, she'd managed to talk a small contingent into a suicidal ploy for the throne. He was going to have to get creative about finding this witch before she started causing real trouble.

He walked in and Jon ran over to give him a big hug. "Hi, Dad!"

Dean grinned. Hell might be a pain in the ass, but at least he finally was able to come spend some time topside with his boys. "Hey, J. How's kicks?"

Jon shrugged. "Not bad. Mama isn't here. Uncle Sam's watching us!"

"Interesting. Where is Mom?"

Jon scrunched his nose. "I don't know. With Aunt Andy, I think." The boy paused. "Dad?"

Dean smiled. "Yes?"

"I thought you lived with us."

Dean's brow furrowed. "Well, I kind of split my time between here and work, but, yeah, I do. Why?"

"Because I heard Uncle Sammy say you're gonna be living in the dog house for a while. But, the dogs live in the house. We don't even have dog houses for them! And if we did, it would be too small for a man size demon to fit, right?"

Dean blinked and shook his head in confusion before glancing at the island where Gabriel was eating a giant heart-shaped cookie. "Gabe, wanna help me out here?"

Gabriel just shot him a look of disdain over the top of his cookie. "No," he stated around a huge bite.

Dean sighed. "Look, I'm tired. I've spent the past three years worth of Hell-time fighting some insurgents hellbent on taking my throne. I've got a witch stirring a caldron full of trouble, and I just wanna spend some time with you and your mom. So, please, clue me in on how I supposedly screwed up, alright? Because I'm beat, man."

Gabriel just looked at him. "Today is February Fifteenth."

Dean groaned. You'd have to be an idiot not to know what that meant. "Shit."

"Uh oh! You gotta put some money in the swear jar, Dad!" Jon shouted gleefully as he walked over to the jar about half-full of money.

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled a five out of his pocket. "Sorry, slugger. My bad." He turned to Gabriel. "Is she mad?"

Gabriel shrugged. "I think hurt more than mad. She understands, though. She knows you're into some bad stuff. You get it straightened out?"

"For now," Dean stated guardedly. "But I've got a way to go. This witch...Rowena..."

"Rowena is the witch giving you trouble?!"

Dean just looked at him. "I take it you've met?"

"She's the one I learned so much from..."

Dean groaned. "Great. I didn't need to know that. She's Crowley's mom."

Gabriel's nose wrinkled. "Nasty."

Dean shrugged. "Well, for a three hundred year old chick, she's not that bad to look at. Well, if you're into wickedly bitchy gingers." He held up his hand and dug into his pocket for another five before handing it to Jon to put in the jar. "But forget Rowena. I'll deal with her, or maybe I'll have Hope help me. How's Cas?"

It was Gabriel's turn to wince. "Hope can't get him to leave Heaven. He's not left Tory's side. He's...he's pining. Hope's had to step up and take over some of Castiel's duties and she is none too pleased, let me tell you."

"Hope's a good girl. She'll do what needs doing, even if she's not thrilled about it."

Gabriel smiled. "I think she's pretty happy with everything, actually. She's just acting like she's not enjoying the power trip. She's being taken seriously upstairs. And she's finding she's good at being in charge. I think she found her calling."

"And how's Jess doing with her spending more time upstairs?"

"He's been helping Mom in the bunker, actually. So that's good, too."

"Okay, now we're caught up. How pissed is Ryan I forgot yesterday was Valentine's day?"

"Not as bad as you'd think," Gabe began. "But it wouldn't hurt to make it up to her."

"Got any suggestions?"

Gabriel smiled. "I've got a few..."

* * *

That night, Dean slammed the boys' bedroom door and made a beeline for Gabriel and shoved him into the wall using his powers. "Listen to me, you little shit, I get it, okay? Me and you? We aren't always on the same page. That's cool. I can appreciate the fact I have to parent you differently than I do Jonathan. You are Gabriel and you are Loki and you know who I was and I should have known, I really should have known better than to listen to you, but I went along with it anyway and now I've got a woman about as disappointed in me as humanly possible."

Gabriel giggled and broke Dean's demonic hold on him. "What? Did the Honeybaked Ham Store not agree with Mom? Too bad...guess it's safe to say there's a cold front in the forecast for Casa de Winchester tonight. Enjoy Siberia, bucko."

Dean's jaw ticked as he got right into Gabriel's face as he grabbed the boy's shirt. "I should have known better," he repeated, "but I said to myself, 'Dean, you know Gabe won't lead you astray. You know he loves Ryan more than anything else in this entire world. He won't fuck you over.' But imagine my surprise when you did just that."

Gabriel gave Dean about a half-shove and walked to his bed and sat down. "Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. She's Mom for crying out loud. She loves you no matter what."

"It's not that simple, Gabriel. She..." he shook his head. "Nothing. You know what, never mind. I should have known better. I should have just done this all on my own. You know, I really thought better of you, Gabe. I really thought you loved Ryan enough not to screw her over. I guess I was wrong. Thanks for nothing." And with that, Dean disappeared. He couldn't handle looking at Gabriel anymore.

He reappeared at the bunker just for somewhere to go. He had to fix this. But how? He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in thought before his daughter's face swam into his mind. He knew she could help him...

He winked out of sight and reappeared outside a hotel. He sensed which room was hers, walked to the door, and began pounding on it. "Hope Deanna!"

The door flew open, "Dad?! What in the hell?!"

"I need your help. Gabriel threw me under the bus and I just..." he took in her appearance and blinked. "Uh...sorry?" She had on a very short dress and stripper heels and he really didn't want to know anything else.

"I'm trying to have a nice romantic evening," she ground out.

He winced. "So I see," he stated flatly. "Look, sorry to bug you, sweetheart, but I need your help."

She sighed. "Gabriel threw you under the bus? What happened?"

He quickly explained how Gabriel had told him Ryan's favorite restaurant was the Honeybaked Ham Store and while he thought it was an odd choice for a romantic meal, he was determined to get it right. So, he'd told her he was taking her out to dinner. He got her a dozen roses, a box of Russell Stover's candies, and a stuffed bear.

At each item he described, Hope groaned louder and louder and her winces grew only more pronounced. "Wow. He really fucked you over, Dad."

"Tell me about it."

She blew out a breath. "For future reference, roses are cliché, her favorite restaurant that is a chain is Chili's, she'd rather have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups than any other chocolate on the planet, the regular sized ones, not the small ones, and she thinks people who buy their girlfriends stuffed animals are douchebags."

"Great. Thanks."

Hope smiled. "However, I do know how we can salvage this."

"You do? You're a lifesaver, Hope."

She smirked. "I know. I'm brilliant." She glanced back into the room. "Be back in a few, sweetheart, don't go anywhere!"

"Where am I going? You've got me chained to the bed!" Dean heard.

Dean grimaced as Hope giggled. "Yeah, well, you'll be fine, sugar!" she called as she turned to Dean. She snapped her fingers and she was dressed in jeans, a tee, and a flannel shirt, with boots on her feet. "Okay, let's go fix this mess."

He thought about peeking a head in to check on Jesse and decided against it. He really didn't need any visual proof, the mental picture he'd painted was bad enough, and he quickly followed Hope back to Ryan's house.

"Wha-How?" he asked as he walked onto the back porch. It was decorated in dangling twinkle lights, there were two domes of food sitting on the small bistro table, and a bottle of champagne was chilling in a bucket.

Hope smiled and dusted her hands together. "I'm an angel. I got the mojo, bro."

Dean chuckled. "This is amazing."

"Oh! Almost forgot," she commented as she snapped her fingers again and Dean found himself in a tux. "Perfect. Now, I'll take the boys and deal with them, after I have a nice, long conversation with my brother. Don't worry, I popped a gift up for Mom with a note explaining the real dinner was waiting for her outside and the first one was a diversion. The gift is a dress. One you'll be quite satisfied with, and you two can have the night to yourselves."

"Hope...thank you."

She winked. "I waited a hell of a long time to see you and her happy, Dad. I'm not about to let that little dickweed screw it up. He just..." she blew out a breath. "I don't know what his problem is. He's a douche, and he's always been one. But I have the feeling he's realized he took it too far. I'm sure he will apologize tomorrow."

"He'd better," Dean ground out.

She smiled. "You're good now. Enjoy the rest of your night." She smirked and disappeared.

Dean punched the button on the iPod dock and Old Blue Eyes himself started crooning about having a woman under his skin. Dean had just popped the cork on the champagne when he heard the door open. He pivoted around quickly and his mouth went dry. Ryan was standing in the doorway, barefoot, with a gorgeous button-down red dress. The dress had a belt of fabric that tied in the front, and a collar so it looked like a dress shirt but the skirt was entirely too short and it was making his mouth water. Her toenails were also painted red to match.

He swallowed and gave her a smile. "Hey."

"Hi." She bit the inside of her lip. "What is all this?"

"Well, you know, I..." He shrugged. He couldn't have her be hurt by Gabriel anymore. "The first one was a ruse. This is the real dinner."

Her smile was almost blinding as she walked over to him and put her hands on the lapels of his tux. "Wow. A tux. You're good, Dean Winchester. Really good."

He smiled. "Last year I kinda didn't even think about Valentine's day..."

Her eyebrow shot up. "I seem to recall it being quite memorable. I'd be game for another round on the mat like that."

He chuckled. "Sometimes you've got to act like a real grownup, you know?"

She licked her lips. "And I'd say you've nailed it."

He cleared his throat as his desire grew. "Come on, let's sit."

He held out her chair for her and she sat daintily on the wicker chair as he poured two flutes of champagne. "So, what's on the menu? I'm not really that hungry. The Honeybaked Ham store is kind of filling..."

He scowled but covered it quickly enough as he opened the first dome and found chocolate covered strawberries. _Hope, you so deserve that spot in Heaven, kid..._ "Oh! My favorite!" Ryan squealed. "How did you know?"

"A little birdy."

Her eyebrow rose. "A little birdy or a little angel-face?"

"Hope helped. Not gonna lie."

She smiled softly. "Good. She knows me pretty well."

He hid his concern. Hope had told him, after Tory's death, she didn't feel as close to her mother now. He wondered if Ryan had noticed it, too. "Well, the kid is pretty helpful, unlike some of our children..."

Ryan had picked up a strawberry and had it halfway to her mouth when she stopped and looked at him. She sighed and sat the berry down. "Of course. It was Gabriel, wasn't it?"

He sat as well. "I didn't want to throw him under the bus like he did me, but, yeah."

She shook her head. "Well, I was hoping you knew me a little better than that date earlier." She paused, then tacked on quickly, "Not that I was disappointed!"

He shot her a look. "Come on. Of course you were."

She shrugged. "Dean, any date I can get with you is a good one. Yeah, okay, The Honeybaked Ham store isn't the most romantic place I've ever been to, but it was with you. You brought me flowers, candy, took me out to eat..." She reached over and grabbed his hand. "We could have stayed in and fed each other pie naked and I would have been okay with it."

An involuntary shiver ran down his spine at the thoughts of that. Pie. Naked. Ryan. Maybe he'd have to do that next time...he blinked and focused on her. "But I should have gone with my gut. This...well, this might not be what I would have picked, either. I'm not a romantic guy, Ryan."

She sat back and crossed one leg over the other one, giving him a little peek at those long legs. "Okay. So, tell me, if you were doing this without help, what would you choose?"

"Seriously? I'm just getting out of the dog house here, Ryan."

She laughed throatily and took a sip of champagne. "No dog houses. I'm just curious."

He thought a minute. "I'd take you to the beach. You love the ocean. We'd eat ribs out at that one restaurant you talked about going to, the one you went to as a child, right on the water. And then we'd share a big piece of cheesecake, plain cheesecake, with cherry sauce, because it's your favorite. Then we'd walk on the beach. It would be cold, but worth it. Because you love the beach, and, yeah, I could take you to one where it was warm this time of year, but you like the one your parents took you to as a child, the one in South Carolina, the best."

There were tears in her eyes and she smiled. "Did you know, that's where I went?"

"When?"

She sucked in a stuttering breath. "After New Orleans. I went there. That's where I found out I was actually pregnant with Hope. I wasn't one hundred percent certain I should trust a supposed angel. I knew I could find you if it wasn't true, make my apologies, beg you to see me, but then I went to the doctor...it was true." She shook her head. "I was so terrified. Not only was I pregnant and alone, but an _angel _had asked me to have the kid. What in the hell was I supposed to do with that?!"

They were both quiet a moment before she added, "But you say you're not romantic. Dean, you just picked one of my dream dates. I would love to do that with you."

He stood. "Well, let's go."

She stood as well. "No. Not tonight. You can take me there another day. Right now..." she unbuttoned first one, then another of her buttons. "I'm done with the strawberries and champagne. We can come back for them." She unfastened the belt and let it drop to the porch floor. "I think you need to come upstairs and finish undressing me. There is some new lingerie underneath this dress."

He smiled. "Okay. If you're sure."

"I love you, Dean Winchester. And don't ever doubt that. Don't ever doubt you're doing it right. I know you. And I know you're an awesome person." She smiled. "You're perfect for me, you know that?"

"Sometimes I need to hear it," he confided softly.

She reached up on tiptoe to kiss him gently. "Come to bed. Make love with me." She pulled away and reached to grasp his hand. He smiled as he let her lead him into the house.

"Aren't you cold?" he asked her.

"Freezing," she admitted.

He chuckled and led her into the living room and to the fireplace. At her raised eyebrow, he said, "Look, I know we're gonna have sex tonight. You know we're gonna have sex tonight. But Hope handled the boys. I don't know where she took them, but they're not our problem. Let's just...let's just hang out by the fire for a few minutes, okay?"

She smiled. "I like that." She sat down on the floor and pulled the quilt off the couch. Dean turned on the gas logs, unfastened his tie, and sat next to her.

She leaned back against him and sighed contentedly. "This is nice. We don't do this very often."

"No, we don't."

"Tell me about the war. We didn't talk much at dinner."

"Because it was the Honeybaked Ham Store and all the fat pigs were busy ordering their next over-the-top meal?"

"Wow. Bitter much?" she chuckled. "Stop. I like ham, too, you know."

"Yeah, but..."

She reached up and put a finger to his lips. "Stop. I'm not upset, Dean. Now, talk."

And so he talked. He told her about Rowena, about how she was trying to rally demons in Crowley's name, how she was just stirring up trouble in general.

"Are you worried?" Ryan asked later as she sipped the champagne Dean had brought in.

He shook his head. "No. Honestly, I'm not. She's not a demon. I'm a little worried about a few of the spells she knows, but for now, I'm just..." he sighed. Something had been bothering him, and he really needed to come clean and get it off his chest. He needed her opinion. They were in this together, and even though she wasn't ruling Hell by his side, she was still for all intents and purposes, his queen. "Ryan, I need to know if you think I'm bad."

She sat down her goblet and looked at him. "Dean...of course not! Why do you ask?"

He shook his head. "It turns out there is a grand coven of witches. They're a huge faction. It's...it's a big deal. Now, most of them are fairly decent. I mean, as far as witches go, anyway. As surprising as it is, not all of them are out to kill people." He sucked in a breath. "Having said that, their leader approached me about a deal. She wants to work with me to get Rowena taken out of the picture."

Ryan was quiet a moment. "What does that mean, exactly? The King of Hell getting into bed with the Grand Coven of witches?"

He winced at the terminology. "First off, I'm not 'getting into bed' with them. It's politics."

She laughed. "Sweetheart, that's what 'getting into bed' with them means."

His brow furrowed. "Oh, well, anyway, if they pledge allegiance to me, then they, uh, well..." he shrugged uncomfortably. "Then they kind of start...worshiping me?"

Her eyebrows rose. "Is that a fact? Are they going to start sacrificing virgins to you, too?"

"No! Of course not!" he stated indignantly but he saw she was laughing. His jaw set as he reached for her and started tickling her and her shrieks reverberated off the walls. Finally, he released her. They were now in a puddle on the floor.

He looked down at her. "No more shop talk. Let me worship you for a change."

"Every time you touch me, I feel worshiped," she replied breathily as he bent to kiss her collarbone.

He pulled away and looked at her once more. "You're the most beautiful creature in existence," he stated.

She smiled up at him. "I could say the same thing about you." He felt his cheeks heat, just slightly. He'd always felt self conscious when someone talked about his looks. "Love me, Dean."

"I do."

She shook her head. "No. Right here."

He sat up on his knees and began unbuttoning those buttons on her dress, unwrapping her like the best present on the planet. Once he had finished unbuttoning them, he slowly pushed the dress from her body revealing a red lace bra and panties that left exactly nothing to the imagination. "Damn," he marveled as he bent to kiss her.

Her fingers traveled to his shirt and quickly unbuttoned it as well and he threw it behind him as he bent to capture her lips. "I want to take my time with you," he told her as he moved down, down, down her body, peppering every inch of skin he reached with kisses. He sat up again on his knees and pulled her to a sitting position. He gently divested her of her dress and bra, before he laid her down again and pulled her panties from her.

"Dean..." she panted.

He smiled as his body dipped, his mouth kissing her 'DW' tattoo, low on her stomach, laving her belly button with his tongue, kissing each of her hipbones, before, finally, sinking into nirvana.

"Oh, fuck," she muttered as her hands fisted in his hair.

He took his time, using his hands and his mouth, bringing her almost to the brink before backing off and taking her back up the summit. She was whimpering and thrashing until finally, he let her fall.

He lapped at her gently, then, tasting every bit of her release before he looked up and their eyes met. She smiled. "Wow."

He chuckled as he moved back up her body. "I aim to please," he whispered against her lips.

She put her hands on both sides of his face and held him there as their lips and tongues tangled and her legs wrapped around his waist. He knew what she was doing, and he eagerly let her flip them so she was on top.

He looked up at her. In the firelight, it was easy to catch the red highlights in her hair, the glint of mischief in her eyes, the soft, loving smile on her face. He pulled her back down to him, his hands splayed across her back as he gently kneaded the flesh there and their mouths fused one more time.

This time, she was the one that pulled away. "You're still wearing too many clothes."

He smirked. "Think you can help me out then?"

"My pleasure," she murmured as she repeated his gestures, kissing down his body until she reached his belt. She quickly unfastened it and his pants and tugged them off his body. Only when he was fully naked did she stop and stare at him. "Wow."

"What?"

She shook her head. "Sometimes, I find it so hard to believe you're mine, that you're still here."

He sat up and pulled her into his lap. "I'm not going anywhere. Ever. You'll have to be the one to get rid of me, Ryan."

"Never," she vowed.

He turned them slightly so he was sitting, propped up against the couch. Her legs fell to either side of him and he felt her wet heat teasing him gently. She smiled. "I love you, Dean Winchester. With everything I am. I don't ever want you to not know."

His hand moved to her face to gently cup her cheek. "And I love you, Ryan Fawcett, with everything I am, demon or no, until the day I die."

She sucked in a breath and blew it out in a puff. "Do you think we'll ever get to heaven?"

He blinked. It was a little heavy of a question for sexy time, but he nodded anyway. If there was one thing he was sure of, even with everything that had happened with Cas, with Tory, with this demon stuff, he was certain of that. "Absolutely. One day, we'll get there."

"Will we share a heaven?" she asked softly.

"If we don't, I'm raising hell until I'm with you. I've spent my whole life without you. I'm not spending eternity the same way."

A tear fell from each of her cheeks as she closed the distance between them and she joined them as their mouths melted together.

* * *

**June Eleventh**

Dean was just finishing up some paperwork when a knock sounded on his door. "Come in," he stated dismissively as he began rubbing his temples. The numbers were off. Rowena was definitely up to something, and she was beginning to funnel more and more demons away from him. He was less than thrilled. This was going to come to a head soon. He could feel it.

"Am I interrupting?" Hope asked as she stepped inside.

He glanced up at her and smiled. "Hell no. Anytime I get to spend a few minutes with my daughter is a good time. This is just..."

"Rowena," she stated softly.

He sighed. "You heard?"

She rolled her eyes. "All of Heaven has heard. They sent me to help."

His eyebrow shot up. "They did?"

She pulled the collar of her shirt to the side, revealing nothing but soft, unmarred, skin.

His eyes grew wide. "They removed your mark?"

She nodded. "It seems I've proven myself to be worthy of the angel grace. I'm stepping into Castiel's position full time."

"How is he? I haven's seen him in forever it seems." He swallowed his pride and added, "I miss him."

She gave him a soft smile. "He's okay. I'm about ninety percent certain he's driving Tory's soul crazy, but they're both adjusting."

"And he still won't leave?"

"If he did, trust me, he'd be here in my stead."

That satisfied him enough. For now. "You're stepping into Castiel's shoes? So...you'll be...?"

She shook her head. "I still get to stay down here, for a time. They're making me go up there, still, when I turn twenty-five. But at least I've got a little more power at my disposal." She sat down at the chair across from him and propped her feet up on his desk. "So? What's the plan?"

He blew out a breath. "I have no idea. First off, we've got to find her. Second, we've got to kill her."

"And the Grand Coven?"

"You know about that, too?"

She shrugged. "Being in charge has it's perks, right?"

He snorted. "They put you in charge? Like, really?"

She rolled her eyes as only a teenager could do. "Thanks for the faith, Dad," she drawled.

"No! I didn't mean it like that. I just...you're young, Hope."

"I'm the oldest angel left, besides Gabriel."

"That wasn't what I meant."

She nodded. "I know. I'm not officially in charge, but I did take over Cassie's spot on the panel. Of course, Millicent is in charge of the panel, but I'm in charge of the prophecies and I've now been named Liaison to Hell. Nifty title, huh?"

He hummed in amusement. "So, you're here...liaising?"

She giggled. "I guess so? Just call me your friendly full-charged neighborhood angel, at your service."

He smiled. "Alright, let's get to work..."

He called in Meg and Bela and they all began plotting their next moves, like one would a chess match and he had to admit, his daughter was really good. She knew exactly which moves and counter-moves should be made in any given situation, and by the time they were finished with their strategy session, even Meg looked impressed by Hope.

She smiled at the angel and said, "You know, you'd make a hell of a demon, Hope."

Hope smirked. "Thanks. I'd like to think it's because I'm bedding one, but the truth is, I've never been the world's best angel. However, I'm very gifted at stirring up trouble."

"Thankfully Gabriel isn't fully grown. Can you imagine what trouble he could get into?"

Hope's eyes lit with mischief. "Trust me, I've seen it. He would be pretty darned useful here, but luckily, I've got his knowledge of dark magic to help us."

"Is magic the way to go?" Bela asked softly. "Not that I'm disagreeing with the plan, but I mean, it is quite obvious Rowena is a gifted witch. If she knows more than you do..."

Hope's eyes lit angel blue in irritation. "Look, Loki learned a few things from her, but he and I have been around for centuries before that. Every bit of that knowledge is right here," she stated as she tapped her temple. "Trust me. You have to fight fire with fire. I know a few spells I can teach the coven..."

"Is that wise, though?" Dean spoke up. "You're going to teach them spells that..."

"The spells will only affect Rowena, not demons. I know she used the demon killing spell she'd perfected, but I've got a few other tricks up my sleeve."

"You knew her, too, didn't you?" Meg inquired.

Hope looked at the ground a moment before she nodded. "We were lovers. Me and her."

Dean's mouth dropped open. "I thought her and Gabriel..."

Hope shook her head. "No. I taught him those spells. The ones he learned from her. He got them all from me. When I realized how powerful she was, I should have taken her out, but I didn't. I didn't care enough. She was only using them on demons...I didn't realize she would go so batshit crazy..."

"Hope...why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged before she looked him in the eye. "You ever bedded someone you were ashamed of? It's like that."

"But, you..." he shook his head. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. You don't...you don't love her, do you?"

"Oh, God no. I never did. She was a means to an end. I wasn't a good person then, Dad. You didn't know me, but I wasn't a good person. I used her. And that's why I've fought so hard to be the one to be down here with you, to battle her. She needs to be exterminated. And now that I've got my grace back, I can fight her much more effectively."

"If you're sure your emotions won't get in the way..."

She smirked. "I'm an angel. We don't do emotions."

He shot her a look. "You're a Winchester. That's usually how we rule our decisions."

"Touche," she conceded. She sucked in a breath. "So, when we gonna do this?"

"Sooner, rather than later. And I don't want your mother getting wind of this."

Hope winced. "I don't think lying to her is the best course of action."

"I'm in agreement with the angel on this one," Bela told him.

"Yeah, Dean. Don't be a dick now," Meg added.

He shot them a glare. "I've always been a dick, in case you weren't aware. But this isn't lying. This is...protecting her."

Hope nodded slowly and Dean could see the realization dawning on her face. "As much as I hate to admit it, he's right. We definitely don't need her in the line of fire. I've got Jesse watching over her. He'll keep her and the boys safe."

"You don't think Rowena will try to go after them again, do you?" Dean questioned.

Hope shook her head. "That was all Crowley, I'd bet money. For her, it's business. She wants the throne."

"Of Hell?!" Dean exclaimed.

"Of course. Why else would she be taking over this way? She wants the throne because of who she worships."

"Lucifer," Meg breathed, crossing herself.

Hope snorted at the knight's reaction, but nodded. "I knew she always had a thing for him, a thirst for his power, but I didn't really know until after you killed Crowley and she vanished. I realized then, it wasn't an attempt to get back in her son's good graces. She had an ulterior motive. After that, I started really digging."

"And you're just now telling me this?" Dean growled.

She shrugged. "It wouldn't make any difference either way."

"Digging? Where?"

At that, she smirked. "I've got a few demons on my payroll, Dad."

"Who?"

She crossed her arms as her grin grew. "Let's just say I do business differently than Cas does. If I keep things on the down-low, and they don't know I'm your daughter, I can hear things, get the feel of which way the wind is blowing. It wasn't that long ago I was Dionysis. I've kept my connections to the few remaining demons I knew back in the day."

Dean just looked at her. "I don't know whether to be impressed, or scared."

"Both is usually the way to go," she replied.

He blew out a breath. "Alright. Let's mount the troops. I want this done and over with. Soon."

PAGE BREAK

"Are you sure..." Dean began again.

"If you ask me if I'm sure that's where she's holed up, I'm smiting your ass on principle," Hope snapped.

He held up both hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. Don't get bitchy on me. I was just being cautious."

Hope just looked at him. "What happened to the 'shoot first and ask questions later' guy?"

He shot her a glare. "He grew up. And with age came wisdom."

"Bullshit. You don't want me in there. I can handle myself, you know."

"As can I," Castiel said as he appeared.

"Cas, man," Dean stated as he grabbed the angel for a hug. "What are you doing here?"

Cas smiled. "Well, I heard the chatter on angel radio, and then Tory told me in no uncertain terms that my place was right beside you, fighting and being the quote 'battle ready seraph' she fell in love with." His voice grew softer as he added, "Especially since Sam isn't here by your side. One of your brothers should be."

Dean smiled. "Thanks, Cas. Really."

Hope winked at the other angel. "Ready to go kick some witchy ass, Cas?"

She and Dean began moving toward the building when Cas grabbed Dean's arm. "Don't you think you're forgetting something?"

Dean shook his head as his brows furrowed. Castiel held out The First Blade. "You can't go into battle without this."

Dean sighed. He hadn't picked it up since the day of Sam's wedding. Truthfully, it scared him still, somewhat, as if it would make him more demon again. "You're right," he told his friend. "Give it here."

Cas held it out and Dean took it, sucking in a breath, closing his eyes as the power flowed through him once more. "Damn. That's a rush."

"You okay?" Hope inquired quietly.

He popped open his eyes and looked at his daughter, a soft smile playing on his lips. "I'm good."

She nodded and he watched as she turned back into a soldier before his eyes. "Alright. Come on, boys. We got work to do."

* * *

They broached the door and were immediately assaulted with spells that began taking out Dean's army left and right, but the Grand Coven's witches had their backs, and Rowena's measly witch and demon army slowly began to fall. Of course, that didn't mean it was an easy fight, and he saw a few of his own demons being blighted.

Dean gutted yet another demon, then took down a witch before he glanced around. "Where is she?" Dean shouted through the melee some time later.

Hope's eyes narrowed and he knew she was performing a location spell. She had admitted that she and Krissy were both fairly well versed in the art of witchcraft. He didn't like it, but he understood it was a necessary evil. "There! Up in that office!" she shouted as she began running that way, dodging curses left and right as they were shot at her.

Dean disappeared and reappeared right behind her and they ran up the stairs together. "You ready?" Hope panted.

He glanced at her. She had a few cuts and scrapes she hadn't bothered healing, as did he, both from angel blades and regular knives the witches and demons were fighting with. "As I'll ever be," he managed as he shouldered the locked door open.

"Well, well, if it isn't the wee angel and her demon father," Rowena cooed from where she stood across the room. "Come to kill me?"

"The thought crossed my mind," Hope growled through clenched teeth.

"Oh, dearest Hope, or should I call you Dionysus? It has been too long."

"Not long enough," Hope shot back at her.

Rowena put a hand to her chest dramatically. "You wound me, love. Did you tell Daddy Dearest about our trysts? About all the lovely depraved things we used to do together?"

"That's in the past, Rowena," Dean shouted at her. "Now you're about ready to die."

"Ah, ah, ah, not just yet. See, we have a visitor..."

"Get your hands off me!" Ben shouted as he was forced into the room by one of Rowena's demon cohorts.

"Ben!" Hope shouted. She turned to Rowena. "Let him go!"

Rowena smiled. "Tut, tut, let us discuss this. It was his decision to come with me. I gave him a simple choice, and this is what he chose..."

Hope and Dean both looked at him. "She threatened Kris. I had to, Dad, Hope..."

Dean nodded in complete understanding. "I would and have done the same thing, Ben."

"Yes, good. Now that we've got all that out of the way, let us talk deals," Rowena stated as she sat, queen-like, upon a gaudy looking throne someone must have bought from a prop store. "My son was, after all, the best deal maker in town, was he not? Where did you think he got it from?"

"No deals, Rowena," Dean stated flatly. "We walk out of here and you're dead. Boom. That's it."

She pouted prettily. "Well, that is just no fun at all. Shall we make it interesting?" She said a few words and Ben began coughing up blood.

"No!" Hope shouted as she moved to her brother. She ran a hand over him and he stopped coughing immediately. "This ends now, Rowena."

Rowena smiled. "I thought you might say that." With a few other words uttered, Hope and Ben were both frozen, and turned into statues. Rowena blew on her hand and brushed her fingernails against her dress. "Little spell I conjured, it turns not only humans into statues, but angels, too."

Dean gripped the blade tighter in his hand. "Oh, yeah? Let's see if they work on demons..."

"I will not fight you, Dean Winchester. But I will fix them both, if you give me the throne."

"And if I don't? What's preventing me from killing you right now?"

This time, a truly evil smile graced her features. "Well, how about a true devil's trap? Oh, not those silly little traps you hunters create, but the truest mark." She grabbed a box of matches, lit one, and dropped it. The devil's trap caught fire and immediately surrounded him. Dean, for the first time, ever, found himself completely immobilized.

Her voice held nothing but satisfaction as she murmured, "See, a little known fact about devil's traps...if you combine them with an holy fire and Enochian etchings, not only does it stop a demon, but it stops the mark from an angel. Lucifer's mark, to be more specific..."

He might not be able to move, but that didn't stop him from shouting, "You evil bitch! And people talk about me...you're a true monster."

Her smile only grew. "Oh, I know, lovey. I know completely. And if you surrender the throne to me, I promise to run Hell as it should be."

"Never."

"You are out of bargaining powers, Dean."

Movement from behind her caught his eye and he smiled. "Is that so? Funny...I'd say you were the one finished."

She opened her mouth to say something when Castiel stabbed her from behind with an angel blade. Shock showed on her face as the angel smirked. "You will no longer harm any of my family, be they angel, demon, human, or otherwise."

"Castiel..." she managed.

"I know, Rowena, about your deal with the Alpha. I know it was your hit that caused my Victoria to be killed. Not to worry, you'll rot in Hell. And if Dean, or Meg, is too polite to torture you for a few millenia, then I myself will travel down there to ensure, personally, you're being dealt with."

The woman gave a little shudder of fear, and died.

"Whoa, Cas. Bad ass to the rescue," Hope said.

Dean turned his eyes to see her and Ben both unfrozen and appearing to be in good health. "You okay?" he asked them both.

They nodded. Hope turned to the shocked little demon lurking behind them who had been Ben's guard and quickly smote him back to Hell. "I think so. Ben's got a few broken ribs..."

"Bastards had to take me down swinging," Ben spat.

"Good for you," Hope teased him gently.

He smirked and shoved her, knocking her on her ass. "Jerk."

"Bitch," she shot back with a grin of her own. She stood and looked at the trap holding Dean and whistled. "Damn, Dad. I can't...Cas?"

Castiel shook his head. "No. I can't touch it, otherwise I will be in the trap with him."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Angels and demons." He walked to the wall and pulled down a fire extinguisher and quickly put out the flames. "I swear, you're all omnipotent and as dull as a box full of used razor blades."

"Thanks," Dean told him as he stepped out of the trap. Now that the fire was out, the trap was all but useless against him.

"So...now what?"

Dean glanced over at Rowena's dead body, half surprised she hadn't melted into a puddle of green goo. "I guess that's it."

"Good. Because Kris is going to be fucking pissed at me for giving myself up. We fought off a handful of demons, but when they had her and were going to take her..."

"You know you played right into their trap, right?" Hope asked as she touched him and began healing him.

"Well, duh," he told her. He smiled. "But I knew my little sister and my dad would save the day. Of course, I didn't count on Uncle Cas having to be the one to actually do the saving. Damn good timing, Cas."

Castiel smiled. "Yes, well, I have been known for my timing on occasion."

Dean smiled as he remembered a time he'd told him the same thing. "We had an appointment, right?"

Cas inclined his head. "Now, if you wish, I will take Ben back to his bride, and the two of you can clean up this mess. I am not here in an official capacity..."

Hope smirked. "Yeah, you little rebel you."

"Wait," Dean said as Cas walked over to Ben. "What do you mean, 'bride'?"

Ben winced. "Yeah, well, see...the thing is..."

"Oh my God. You two eloped?!" Hope exclaimed.

He blinked, then blushed. "Uh...yes?" Hope smacked his arm, hard. "Ow, damn it, sis."

"You mean to tell me you and Kris..." she trailed off before she grinned maniacally. "Oh, just wait until Mom gets hold of you..."

Ben's eyes grew wide. "Hope, no, you can't..."

"Oh, I can and I will. She's going to beat your ass so bad, I'll have to come and repair your wrist again!"

He groaned. "Cas, man, take me back to Kris. Looks like we'll have to cut the honeymoon short so we can go tell Ryan..."

Hope shook her head. "Nah, I'll give you until next week."

"Really?"

She shrugged. "Just this once. You need to get back to her. She's worried sick."

"How do you know?"

"We hear her prayers," Hope and Cas stated simultaneously.

"That's creepy," Dean and Ben replied at the same time. They all four laughed and Dean watched as Cas disappeared with Ben. He glanced at Hope. "You okay, kid?"

She nodded, but the bravado wasn't there as she walked over to him and hugged him. "I could see it all and I couldn't do a damn thing, Daddy."

He hugged her back as tightly as he could. "We're okay."

She blew out a stuttering breath and he pulled away to wipe a tear off her cheek. "Hey, I thought angels weren't emotional."

She shook her head. "I'm a Winchester first."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Yeah, you are. Me too."

* * *

Once the mess was cleaned up, Dean and Hope made their way back to Ryan's house. Jesse was sitting out on the porch waiting for them. "She's curious," he stated as he stood. He quickly looked over Hope and frowned. "You said you wouldn't get hurt."

She glance down at herself. Her shirt was torn and bloody in a few places and she still had a few cuts she hadn't bothered healing. "I'm fine, Jess."

"No, you aren't. You could have gotten yourself killed."

"I said I'm fine. I'm a fucking angel, Jesse!" she snapped.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hope. He's your mate. He's worried about you. It's his job to worry and care about you. Don't go flying off the handle," Dean told her as he laid a hand on her shoulder.

Hope sighed. "I'm sorry. Sorry, Jess. I just...it's been a long night."

"I'm pissed you wouldn't let me come," he told her softly.

"They were killing demons and witches left and right. You aren't strong enough," she began.

"And you can't fight all my battles for me!" he shot back at her.

Dean winced. He didn't want to get in the middle of this domestic dispute. "Look, you're both tired and stressed. Go to the bunker for the night. Chill. Drink a few beers, talk, do, uh...whatever couples do to reconnect..."

Hope's lip twitched at that, and Jesse blushed.

Dean grabbed both the kids hands and connected them. It was a chick-flick moment, but he felt like he had to. His war couldn't be the reason behind the two of them fighting. "Marriage isn't easy. Being two different species doesn't make it any easier. But you two love each other a lot. Don't lose sight of that, okay?"

Hope looked at Jesse almost shyly. "He's right. I'm sorry. I didn't want you fighting. It was wrong. But you were still protecting something so valuable...if anything had happened to Mom or the boys..."

"I'm not pissed about the guard duty, Hope. Truthfully, I'm honored to look after them. They're my family, too, you know. But I don't like not fighting by your side. That's where we're supposed to be. You know that."

"I'm sorry," she stated again, and this time, Dean heard the tears in her voice.

He watched as Jesse put his other hand on her face. "I'm sorry, too."

Dean smiled at the two of them and made himself scarce, disappearing to Ryan's bedroom. He glanced down at her, asleep on her side, curled up like she usually was when she slept alone. He quickly shed most of his clothes and slid into bed, wrapping his arm around her waist.

She let out a little hum as she grasped his hand with hers. "I'm glad you're here. Jess wouldn't tell me, what was happening?"

"Rowena's dead."

She turned over to look at him, her hand going to his face, brushing a cut there he hadn't healed. "Was it bad?"

"Yes, and no. It wasn't the worst fight I've ever been in, but it was scary."

"Why?"

"Hope fought by my side."

"Hope...what?!"

"Calm down. She was taught by the best."

"Is she...?"

"She's fine, too. We lost a few people, but Meg and Bela are both okay, and so is Cas..."

"Cas came down?"

He nodded with a smile. "Apparently Tory is just as bossy in Heaven as she was on Earth. She demanded he come down and help us."

Ryan smiled softly. "Good. I'm glad."

"Rowena was the one that talked the Alpha into hurting you and Tory. Cas was the one that finally killed her."

"Justice."

He nodded. "Yeah."

She scooted closer to him and kissed his lips tenderly. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too, babe."

She snuggled into him and laid her head on his chest. "I love you."

"Love you, too," he told her as he kissed her hair.

* * *

**September Thirtieth**

"Rise and shine, Dean!" Ryan's voice pierced through his consciousness.

He startled awake to find her slipping into a pair of jeans, leaving them unbuttoned, and then stepping into her hiking boots with nothing but a pretty blue polka-dot bra covering her upper half. "Ryan?"

She grinned as she walked into the bathroom. He heard her puttering around in there and wondered what she was up to, but then she brought out her small makeup bag and stuffed it into her duffel. "Come on, slowpoke. We need to take a drive."

His brows furrowed. "You caught a case?"

She shrugged. "Yes, and no. A few disappearances that may or may not be something."

"You're not supposed to hunt, you know," he reminded her.

She pouted prettily. "But...it's just a recon mission. If it turns out there's a case, I'll get someone on it." She moved to his side of the bed, slunk on top of him, and straddled him. She leaned down and brushed her almost naked chest against his. "Besides, I thought we could use a few days to ourselves," she purred into his ear. "Don't you want to spend a little time with me?"

"You know I do."

She smiled. "Good. Get dressed, call down to the twisted sisters and let them know you're going out of town, but you'll have your pager on..."

He smirked. She had somehow started calling Bela and Meg 'The Twisted Sisters' and it had stuck. The two demons had begun arguing which one was Dee Snyder. Yeah, Dean wasn't sure he'd been a good of an influence on them or not. "You know, pagers went out a few decades ago..."

She shrugged. "It's not like they can't get in touch with you if they need you..."

He nodded. "Fine. So, what do you think it is?"

She bit her lip. "Well, that's one of the reasons I want you to go with me. I think it's a witch. And since the grand coven worships your evilness, maybe you can smooth things over before it gets out of hand."

He thought about that a moment. It wasn't a bad plan. "Sounds good."

She slapped his chest playfully and began to move off of him when he grabbed her waist. "Hold up."

She just looked down at him, that soft, half smile on her face. "Yes?"

"What's in it for me?"

She paused in thought a moment before she leaned back down to him and kissed his lips tenderly. "Well, my undying love..."

"Naturally."

"And a few days with me all by your lonesome..."

"I'm liking it."

"And...I'll let you drive my car."

His eyes widened. "Sold." He'd found with his human side reemerging, he really missed his car, but he knew it belonged to Ben now, and he could never take her away from his son, especially since the boy clearly loved Baby as much as he always had. But driving Ryan's gorgeous Demon would be second best.

She giggled. "Great. I already packed your bag."

"While I slept?"

She nodded and then regarded him. "You're starting to sleep more."

He shrugged. "Being with you helps me relax."

She worried her lip a moment before her smile grew again. "Well? Don't dawdle. Let's get on the hunt!" She bounced off the bed and slipped into a tank, a tee-shirt, and a flannel over shirt before she snatched up her bag and dashed out the door.

"We aren't hunting!" he shouted after her.

"Well, we ain't sightseeing!" she shot back as he heard her footsteps dash down the stairs.

He chuckled as he stood to get dressed.

* * *

He watched her out of the corner of his eye as he drove. She seemed happy. Really happy today. "What?" she asked as she looked up from her book.

"Nothing."

"You've been staring at me more than you have the road. Luckily I don't scare easily."

"You seem happy," he told her.

She smiled softly. "I am happy, Dean."

"More than usual," he added.

She considered it and nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed, too. I think Gabriel may be playing with magic a little bit more."

He had kind of hoped it was his effect on her, and maybe it was. Of course, the Gabe thing was a possibility as well. He'd have to talk to his son. "Maybe you're right. That kid, angel, whatever, loves the hell out of you. Literally."

She giggled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Well, whatever it is, I'm glad. I feel better than I have in years. If it's a combination of you being here, and Gabriel putting a whammy on me, I'm surely not going to complain."

He wasn't, either. Not today, anyway, not when she was feeling the high of the hunt and he was sitting here, driving down the highway with the windows rolled down and AC/DC blasting out of her awesome speaker system.

The drive took a few hours, but they rolled into town just as the sun was beginning to lower in the sky. They went straight to the police station after changing in a Gas 'N Sip bathroom off the interstate and he just stood back and let Ryan do her thing as she flirted with the cop. He didn't like it, but she did get the information...until they were handed off to the police captain...who was a woman.

Dean smirked as the woman approached. "Do you trust me?"

Ryan's brow furrowed. "Fully, but..."

His smile grew. "Then let me handle it." He put on his own moves and he had to admit, the chick ate it up like half-priced chocolate and soon enough, they were being led into a room with all the information on the disappearances up on huge boards where the timeline had been created.

Ryan shook her head. "I forgot how formidable you were with the opposite sex, Dean."

He sidled up to her and put his arm around her waist. "Yeah, but that was just for me to get us here. You know you're all I want, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I don't know why in the hell you want me, but I'm glad you do."

He frowned as she pulled away and walked to look at the boards. He really needed to romance her more, didn't he? He filed that information away for another day and began listening as she talked about the connection between the disappearances.

After they gathered all the information they could from the police station, they went to check into a motel and look over their own case files.

"None of it makes any sense. Are you sure it's a witch and not just some psycho human?" Dean asked as he emerged from the shower.

Ryan rolled her eyes. She had changed back into her jeans and had her arm wrapped around her legs as she looked on the computer. "A witch is a psycho human, Dean."

He shot her a look. "You know what I mean. A normal, psycho human."

She sighed and put her chin on her knees as she rubbed her eyes with two fingers. "Ugh, I don't know. Maybe I'm shooting in the dark."

Dean's brow furrowed as he caught a glimpse of something on her computer screen. He leaned over her shoulder to peer at the screen. "Or not. Show me that picture. Enlarge it."

Ryan clicked on the photograph from the online news article and Dean's eyes widened. "I know that chick!"

Ryan's eyebrow popped. "Friend of yours?"

"Friend of Rowena's," he growled.

Ryan's mouth fell open. "You're shitting me."

He shook his head. "And if she's here, she's trying to stir up trouble for sure."

"Do we need to call in the coven?"

He winced. The last witch of Rowena's he'd rounded up, he had called in the coven. And the mess they'd made had been gruesome. They didn't take to traitors very well. "Uh, let's see if we can talk her off the ledge, first. After that, we'll call in the coven if I can't make her see reason."

Ryan blinked. "Are you sure that's wise?"

He smirked. "I'm the King of Hell. What's she going to do to me?"

* * *

Three hours later, Ryan stormed back into their hotel. "You're an idiot!" she shouted.

"Yeah? Well, how was I to know she'd disappear?"

"Not just disappear, Dean, put a SPELL on us, and THEN disappear!"

He grimaced. "It could be worse?" he offered.

She looked down at her body, well, his body, which she was currently wearing. "WE SWITCHED BODIES, DEAN! HOW MUCH WORSE CAN IT GET!?"

He looked down at his newly acquired rack and smirked. _Titties, _he thought as he reached a hand up to tweak his nipple experimentally.

He caught Ryan's, or rather, _his _disgusted face as she put a hand on her hip. "Those are NOT toys!"

"Yeah, but..."

"Do it and I swear I'll shave your balls. You'll be as smooth as a cue ball."

His nose wrinkled. "Noted. No playing with the girls." He paused, then added. "Wait, so how do we...?"

"EWWWW! NO! We don't!"

"Come on, baby, you know you wanna try it..." he heard her voice as he said the words and it sounded weird, but at the same time... how often did you get to switch bodies with someone of the opposite sex? "Don't you want to know what it's like? How I feel when we're...?"

She glared at him. Huh. He'd never noticed his own bitch face before. Damn. He was a sexy bastard, he had to admit. He felt a tingle down south, one that confused him as much as it excited him.

"Don't even think about it," she growled.

He huffed out a breath. "Fine. So what are we going to do?"

She crossed her arms. "I don't know, King of Hell. Obviously she didn't respect you enough not to curse you. Why don't you throw out a suggestion?"

He shrugged. "I guess we could call in the coven, but this...this looks bad."

"Gee, ya think?"

"Look, what do you want me to say? What do you want me to do, huh? I'm sorry! I fucked up, just like I fuck everything else up! I didn't mean for this to happen, alright?! And I'm freaking out because now you've got The Mark and I'm just a demon and I just..." he felt tears rolling down his face as the sobs started and he sank onto the bed with his head in his hands.

He heard her sigh as she sat next to him. She gave him a huge hug and he hated to admit how much better it made him feel. He felt safe, protected, loved. Suddenly, she chuckled.

"What?" he asked as he lifted his head and rubbed his eyes.

Her mouth quirked. "Hormones are a bitch, sugar."

His eyes widened. "You aren't due for your...?"

She shook her head. "Nah, Cas did me a solid there, I don't have a uterus anymore, remember? But I still have hormones, you know. And you don't know how to handle them." She kissed his forehead. "It's okay, alright? We'll get it all figured out."

"How?"

"Well, first, I think we need to go home. Talk to Hope and the Trickster, see if they know a counter curse. Then, we can figure out what do do about the witch."

"I'm going to gank her ass so fast, she'll be in Hell before she can blink!"

Another deep rumble of a laugh floated through the air. "I love you, Dean."

His brow furrowed. "Do you know how weird that sounds, coming from my mouth?" She shot him a glare which he countered with a smile. "You love me. You just said so."

He saw his features soften as his big hand reached out to touch his cheek in her body. "You know, I really am kind of pretty."

"You're kind of beautiful."

"So are you."

He reached up to kiss her and she pulled away for a moment, but he held her fast. "No sex, I promise. I just...I need to kiss you for a minute."

"It's gonna be weird."

"Yeah, but it's not like this is the first time you've kissed a girl, right?"

"Bite me, Dean."

"I would, but you won't let me!"

She smirked but lowered her mouth to his for a gentle kiss. Their hands moved to one another's sides as the kiss deepened before she pulled away abruptly. "Holy shit. How...uh..."

He glanced down to see her trying to wiggle her hips slightly and he chortled. "Welcome to the wonderful world of erections."

"Fuck me," she growled in distain. "Let's pack up our shit and go home."

He smirked as she stood and walked awkwardly to the bathroom. "Where you going, hun?" he couldn't help but ask.

"To take a cold as fuck shower," she replied.

He couldn't help the laughter that erupted as she slammed the door shut behind her.

* * *

After arguing and counter arguing about their reflexes and response times, it was finally decided Ryan would drive home in Dean's body. He wasn't happy about it, but she did have more driving experience as of late. So, he sat in the passenger seat and stared at himself behind the wheel. "This is so weird."

"Tell me about it," she mused as the car roared down the interstate.

"You'd better slow down. You can't flirt your way out of a ticket, you know," he reminded her gently.

Her mouth fell open, but he felt the car ease just slightly as she slowed it down some. "Noted," she murmured. "So...what's the deal with The Mark, you think? I mean, I'm not a demon, you are. Our souls switched places, but your body has The Mark. So...?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly. If he wanted to be truthful, it was scaring the shit out of him, the fact she was wearing The Mark. Of course, it didn't really affect him right away, but still, he didn't want it twisting her soul any more than it already was. The stain had lessened. He wanted to keep it that way.

"Stop worrying," she commanded lightly.

"Huh?"

She glanced over at him, and again, he felt that weird tingling between his legs. He knew what it was, it was like a lady boner. It was weird. And exciting. So were the clothes. The bra, he could do without, but the rest...

"Would you stop fantasizing over there, Winchester?"

"Like you don't want to know!" he shot back.

She shook her head. "Honestly," she stated with an eye roll. "Even in _my _body you're a horny bastard."

"You say that like you're surprised," he told her sullenly.

She opened her mouth and started giggling. The giggles sounded weird coming from his mouth, but he enjoyed the sound anyway.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," he replied.

"How in the hell did we get into this?"

He shrugged. "Don't know, but we're neck deep in it."

She blew out a breath. "Let's just hope someone can fix us when we get back."

He let out a snort. "Don't bet on it."

She opened her mouth to argue, but snapped it shut and turned on the radio. It was still playing their favorite Led Zep cassette and as soon as "Ramble On" came on, Ryan started singing, causing him to chuckle again.

"What?" she asked.

"You forget, I can't sing," he told her.

She cranked the music higher. "Sorry! Can't hear you! The music's too loud!"

He grinned.

They made it another hour into the drive when he sighed. He should have figured. "Ry?"

She turned the radio down and glanced at him. "Yeah?"

"I, uh, I gotta take a piss."

Her mouth quirked, but she pulled off at the next exit and drove into a decent looking truck stop. "Yeah, me too."

He looked at her. "So...?"

She shot him a look. "You go in the women's room, I go in the men's, I guess...?"

His mouth fell open. "But..." he could honestly say he'd never been in the women's restroom before. Now, he'd had sex in a men's room, plenty of times, but the women's room...

"For God's sake, Dean, it's a bathroom. We don't stand around naked, talking about what brand of tampons we use."

He shivered. That was nasty. Of course, he'd manned up and bought tampons before, when he'd been with Lisa, but still...that was no-man's land. He squared his shoulders as he stood from the car. "Fine."

"Fine," she murmured as she, too, stood from the car, bringing her purse with her.

"Oh, hell no. No purse, Ry."

She glanced down at the bag sheepishly and grabbed some cash out of her wallet. "Fine. You take the purse."

"What do I need the purse for?!"

She sighed. "Never mind. Lock your door. I'll leave it in the car."

"You've got cash in my wallet," he reminded her.

She reached into her, well, his, back pocket and pulled his wallet out. "Why in the hell do you carry a wallet anyway? You're a demon."

He shrugged. "Sometimes the boys need food. They're still mostly human, remember? Sometimes they need a snack."

He watched the features on his face soften as she smiled. "You're one of the best dads on the planet, you know that?"

He glanced down at her chest. "Well, currently, I guess I'm one of the best moms."

She chortled. "Let's go tinkle and then hit the road."

"No."

"Huh?" she looked confused.

"No way in hell do you use the words 'tinkle', 'pee-pee', or 'potty' while you're riding around in my skin, Ryan."

He watched the mirth cross her face and she licked her lips as she attempted not to laugh. _Huh. Never realized how sexy I look while I lick my lips. Wonder if that turns her on. _Those thoughts were immediately followed by, _Dude! Quit getting turned on by yourself! _He felt that tingling again and sighed. "Let's just get this show on the road."

He followed her as she walked to the door and she opened it for him. He looked up at her in surprise and she winked. "Got to be chivalrous. Your body demands I be," she murmured.

This time, he chuckled as they walked together down the corridor to the bathrooms. He watched Ryan a moment before he said, "Honey, the men's room is to the left."

Ryan blinked, glanced up at the signs, and muttered, "Son of a bitch," before she turned to the left.

He let out a belly laugh before he stepped into the women's room.

If he had anticipated it being like some sort of Mecca, he was mistaken. Honestly, it didn't look too different from the men's room. He saw a woman changing a little baby on the pull down changing table thingamajig, and waiting in a line, was a group of about ten Girl Scouts, about the age Hope had been when he'd seen her in South Dakota.

He walked behind them and patiently waited his turn. "Hey, girls," he stated.

The girls smiled up at him. "Hi!" they chorused.

"You guys are...Juniors?" he guessed.

"Yes! Are you a Girl Scout?" one girl asked.

He shook his head. "No, but my daughter was."

"Is she still?"

He shook his head. "She's grown now."

"You don't look old enough to have a grown girl," one of the scouts stated.

"Yeah, you're really beautiful," another offered.

He smiled. "Thanks."

Just then, their troop leader called them. Apparently they hadn't been in the line to go, but waiting to leave. He waved at them and then walked into the stall. He glared at the toilet for a moment and sighed. He hadn't considered the logistics of peeing in a woman's body. He briefly wondered if Ryan was having the same problem, then chuckled as he unsnapped his jeans.

He emerged from the bathroom to find his body being accosted by some chick in a short leather jacket and jeans so tight, they looked painted on. He watched and waited as Ryan finally put a firm hand on the chick's upper arms and said, "Look, lady, I'm here with my WIFE and I love her very much and you can just go fuck off, okay? Go wash that clown crap off your face, get you a pair of pants that fit, quit showing off your muffin top, find some self respect, and call it a day. I'm not interested in your backwoods skanky ass, alright?"

Dean grimaced as the woman's slap reverberated off the walls and he chuckled as he walked up. "Well, you told her. Stay classy, babe."

Ryan rubbed her cheek. "Well, it's not like it's the first time I've been bitchslapped."

"Yeah, mine either," he admitted. He glanced at the plastic bag at her feet, full of drinks and snacks. "You already got supplies?"

Ryan smirked. "It takes a few more minutes when you're in a woman's body, Dean."

He smiled. "Have any issues besides what was it? 'Backwoods skanks' accosting you?"

She chortled. "Ha fucking ha. No, I didn't. And had it not been for the fact I trained both boys, I would have had issues in the bathroom. Let's just say teaching Loki to hit the toilet? Not an easy feat."

Dean laughed out loud imagining it. "Was he a stubborn ass?"

She shook her head. "No. He was worse. Ugh. I hated that part. And Sam was less than no help."

"I bet," he mused softly as he followed her out to the car. That was yet another thing he missed. He wished he had been there for that. The self-pity began to swirl in him as he sat back down in the passenger seat. He was worthless. If he'd gotten his shit together, if he'd have just gone to see Sammy when Cas had all but begged him to...he could have been there. Hell, he could have been there for Jon's birth. He missed six years of the kids' lives. He missed Krissy and Ben and Jesse coming into their family, he'd missed Hope's entire childhood...before he knew it, tears were rolling down his cheeks as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Dean? Babe? What is it?" Ryan asked softly.

"I don't...what's wrong with me?! All I keep thinking about is how I've screwed this up and I just...can't...control it!" he sobbed.

He felt the car pull off onto the shoulder. "Dean, honey, look at me."

"No."

"Dean, damn it, don't be a little bitch about this. Look at me," she demanded in a firmer tone. He looked up and his own green eyes looked back at him.

"What you're feeling? It's the depression, okay? You can't control it. Sometimes, it just happens. You think you're worthless, you think you've screwed everything up, think your world is over, and that the other shoe will drop any second. But it's not, babe. It's just..." She blew out a breath. "I didn't realize it was that ingrained in me, it's even in my body. Not just my brain."

"How do you stand it?"

"Being with you helps," she told him softly. "But for the most part, it's just realizing that none of that stuff is true. Yes, I screwed up a lot of things, but I can't fix it now. I just have to power through it."

"I messed up so much..."

"And I didn't? Dean, all the crap we've been through...dude, it's nothing but dumb luck we're not both in a loony bin. And trust me, I've been in one." She grabbed both his hands in hers. "But we're together now. We're together and nothing else matters, alright?"

He sniffled a little and nodded. "Yeah. You're right."

She smiled. "Of course I am. I'm Dean Winchester."

"Ha. Well then, I'm Ryan Fawcett."

She smiled. "Well, whatever body you're currently inhabiting, you're the love of my life."

"Good to know."

"So, no more thinking bad thoughts, alright? Just...take it one day at a time. That's how I've lived my whole life."

"It sucks."

She shrugged as she pulled back onto the road. "Yeah, it does. But at least I'm alive."

That was true enough. He was so thankful she was with him. And he realized, hey, he was here for this part of the boys' lives. That was the main thing. He was here, and wild horses couldn't drag him away from them. Not anymore.

* * *

They decided against calling ahead. Instead, they called Hope and told her they needed her at the bunker. She was waiting when they arrived. "Hey! What's up, you two?"

"We have a little issue," Ryan began.

"Little?!" Dean shot back at her.

Hope's eyes widened. "What in the actual fuck happened?!" she roared.

"We, uh, kind of switched bodies?" Dean told her.

She looked from one to the other, then touched each of their shoulders. "Holy shit. No kidding! How did this happen!?"

"A witch didn't like the fact your father murdered Rowena." Ryan stated.

"Hey! In my defense, it was Cas that murdered Rowena. I just led the charge against her..." Dean reminded them.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "So, you can just poof us back, right?"

Hope bit her lip. "Honestly?"

"Oh, hell, Hope, don't say it like that!" Dean shouted. "Either you can, or you can't!"

"I don't know that spell! Seriously, that one wasn't in my...I mean, I did some wild shit back in the day, but even I wouldn't do that to anyone!"

"Loki...did Gabriel?"

"We can ask...I mean, it does sound like him..." Hope chewed on her thumbnail, thinking, and Dean smiled. Ryan did the same thing. "Okay, let's get you two in here. I'll go to the house and get him. I assume you don't want the whole world knowing about this, just yet?"

Dean shot his daughter a look. "You do realize they would never let us live this down, right?"

"At this point, I'd be willing to deal with it. I never, once, thought about becoming a dude!" Ryan exclaimed.

Hope chuckled. "Well, you are now!"

"Ugh. How did you stand it, Hope? I mean, you've been both. Do you just...I mean...the dangly bits and the erections and the..."

"Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa," Hope began as she put up both hands. "Okay...that's a subject totally off limits, alright? I can't...I...it's weird, talking about that, with you two. Let's just...not."

Ryan opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. "Okay."

Hope sighed and walked into the bunker.

"What's her damage?" Dean wondered aloud.

Ryan shrugged. "Well, I guess it is weird to be looking at your mom and dad in opposite bodies, then your mom trying to talk about erections..."

Dean held in the laugh, just barely, as he followed Ryan into the bunker as well. "Is anyone here?" he questioned.

Hope shook her head. "Charlie and Claire caught a case. Sam's staying at the house with the boys. Andy is at home with their two. Let me go get Loki. I'll be right back."

She poofed out of sight and Dean sighed. "He's going to have a field day with this."

Ryan shrugged and plopped down in a chair. "Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Guess we'll wait and see. He might be traumatized."

That thought made Dean laugh. "Let's hope so. Maybe he won't be so inclined to pull any pranks." The prank wars had intensified. Of course, Dean held his own against the boy, but it wouldn't be long and he knew, Gabriel would best him.

Hope reappeared with Gabriel in tow. "Where did you say Charlie and Claire went?" Ryan inquired. "I didn't think we had anything else on the books. They just came back yesterday."

Hope shrugged. "Garth's pack is looking into another pack starting up more Ragnarok bullshit. They went to go help out."

Dean sighed. "When are they going to realize we have Loki right here? And he's not ending the world. If anything, he's fixing it!"

Hope shrugged. "Like I know what goes on in the minds of dogs? Seriously." She turned to Gabriel. "So, bro, do you know how to fix this?"

He blinked. He had been staring at Ryan and Dean with his mouth hanging open and shock on his face. He closed his mouth and shrugged. "Dude. I got nothing."

"Son of a bitch!" Ryan shouted. "Seriously?!"

He shrugged. "Even I wouldn't stoop this low! And that's saying something!"

"No kidding," Dean murmured. "So...what's our plan?"

Hope put a finger to her lips. "Hmm, give me a second..." she disappeared, then reappeared with Krissy by her side, her hair mussed, and a sleepy expression on her face. "Kris is the witch in the family."

"You're the witch, witch," Krissy shot back with a grin. "And was there a need to drag me out of a nice warm bed? I just got to sleep an hour ago! Ben was feeling frisky and I..." She trailed off as she realized they weren't alone and punched Hope in the arm. "You bitch! You could have told me Dean and Ryan were here!"

Hope shrugged. "I've been called worse."

"By me," Krissy retorted. She glanced around. "So...what's the need for witchcraft?"

"We are," Ryan spoke up. "I'm in Dean's body."

"And I'm in Ryan's," Dean told her.

Krissy's eyes grew wide. "Holy shit." She smirked. "Do you think we could do that to me and Ben?"

Dean shivered. "That's completely unfair."

"But it's fascinating! Have you two have sex yet?"

"KRISSY!" they both shouted.

She shrugged. "What? I was just wondering."

"For your information, no. And we aren't going to."

"Huh," Dean mused.

Ryan looked at him. "What?"

He shrugged. "I think that's the first time my body has ever said it wasn't going to have sex."

"Second," she shot back at him.

He blanched as he remembered the time she hulked out on demon mojo. He had refused her then, too.

Ryan cleared her throat. "Now, suggestions on how to turn us back?"

Krissy sucked in a breath. "Hmmm, you'll have to give me time, let me research. I don't remember reading anything about that spell."

"But it's been done before, at least, to Sam," Dean told her. "Only he went from a man to a teenage boy, but, still...it shouldn't be any different."

Krissy nodded. "Okay, I guess we need to wake him, see what he can remember, then we can go from there."

"Can we wait? See if anything pops up first?" He really didn't want to hear Sam's opinion about them switching bodies.

"I guess we can give it a few hours..." Hope stated with a noncommittal gesture.

"Oh! I can give you the gospel relating to that case," Ryan told her helpfully.

"I thought you destroyed them. I told you to," Gabriel stated with a little pout on his face.

"I destroyed the originals," she replied. "I wrote my own interpretations and scanned them into PDF documents."

"Why?"

She bit her lip. "I didn't know if I would get to have the chance to see Dean again. I wanted to be able to read them over and over. And too, I wanted Hope to get to know her dad and uncle, you know, in case..." She sucked in a breath and blew it out. "I have never told anyone I have them. They're safe on a thumb drive at the house, locked in the safe in my bedroom closet. I can go get them."

"Yeah, and I've read the books. Which season was it?" Hope supplied.

"YOU READ THE BOOKS?!" Dean yelled. "Dude, not cool! I'm naked in those things!"

Hope shrugged. "I skipped over the naughty scenes."

Dean's eyes grew wide. "I should hope so." He watched as Ryan walked to the door to head home and Krissy walked toward the laboratory. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Just sit there and look pretty," Hope told him.

Dean told her just what she could do with herself.

* * *

Later, much later, that night, they were burning the midnight oil, neck deep in lore and spellbooks. Krissy had sent Hope all over the globe trying to find exactly which book she needed and none of them were the right ones. He glanced over to find Ryan sound asleep, his body slumped over the table, snoring softly.

"You look even younger when you're asleep," Hope told him.

He glanced at Ryan. "We should probably go home, let her get some rest..."

Hope nodded. "K and I will stay here until we find a cure."

"If we find a cure."

Hope shrugged. "We will."

"Hey, you know, I read a story about this once," Krissy piped up. "The characters switched places because of some mystical herb. They had to appreciate one another and then have sex and then they switched back."

Dean snorted. "I do appreciate her. And I don't think she'll want to have sex with me."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, champ," Krissy stated with a wink. "Of course, I read another story by the same author where the main characters switched places and the dude had to have the baby. It was wicked cool..."

"What in the hell have you been reading?!" Dean wanted to know.

Krissy shrugged. "I get bored on stakeouts. You'd be amazed what you can find on the internet."

"Just as long as you haven't been reading the Supernatural books, too..."

She blushed and dove back into the spellbook she was reading.

"Damn it. We need to destroy the internet," he growled.

Hope chuckled. "Come on. You two need to get home."

He glanced over at his body. "I can't pick her up and carry her."

"You could use demon air," Hope suggested.

Dean shook his head adamantly. "I'm feeling the effects of her depression, somehow. I'm not going to use demon juice in her body if I can help it. There's no way I'm going to make Luci's dreams come true. No way in hell."

Hope smiled. "Alright, then I'll take five and drive you home. I'm an angel. I can carry her, you, whatever..."

Dean watched in amazement as his daughter lifted his body, defying all logic, and walked up the stairs. "Whoa. Impressive."

"Go home, Dean," Krissy told him softly. "We'll get this figured out. And don't worry about Hell, either. Hope popped down there to let them know an issue came up. Meg's cool."

"She didn't tell them, did she?"

Krissy shot him a look. "You know Hope."

"Shit," Dean replied.

* * *

The next morning, he woke up to the oddest sensation...fingers plundering, lips teasing, he moaned aloud before he came to his senses. "Ryan!"

"Shhh," she whispered in his ear. "I can't do...that with you, Dean. It's too weird. But I can make you feel good. I know how my body likes to be pleased. Just lay back and enjoy the ride. Close your eyes. It makes the whole thing less weird."

He felt her body spooning behind him and felt the erection pressed into his back, but all thoughts left him as those fingers dipped inside of him. "Fuck," he growled as his hands fisted into the sheets. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt before, the feeling of being violated, but in the best way, her hot breath on his neck as she gently kissed and nipped, the light scratch of fingernails against the bundle of nerves between his legs...it took no time at all for him to come flying over the edge.

As he came down from the high, he realized...his back was wet. "Did you just...?" he asked.

"Uh...yeah?"

He couldn't quite hold in the chuckle. "It's not an easy thing to control."

"I just came like a fifteen year old virgin!" she yelped.

"Yeah, but at least you're my fifteen year old virgin," he shot back at her.

"Ugh. Now we need showers. And to change the sheets."

He turned over and watched her walk to the bathroom. "You know, this is some fucked up shit."

She returned and tossed a towel at him. "No kidding."

"I could get used to the orgasms, though. No wonder you're so damn hungry for them."

Her eyebrow shot up. "I could say the same," she retorted.

He grinned. "It's awesome, right?"

She rolled her eyes and walked back to the bathroom. He heard the water turn on and he pushed the covers off of his, well, her body. He was burning up for some reason. He knew she got warm after sex, so he figured it was her body reacting. Speaking of...the water was still running and he was more than a little curious...he began exploring her body, his hands moving to tweak her nipples, and he moaned as the sensations flew threw him. His hand dipped lower and he felt her clit, still sensitive, but hungry again for the high, and he found himself rubbing, getting right to the edge, then backing off before he took himself up and over once more.

He panted out a breath as he closed his eyes a moment. Yeah, the multiple orgasm thing he could get used to. That was when he noticed it was quiet. Too quiet. A glance at the bathroom door showed his body staring at him, a towel slung over his body's hips. "I'm sorry," he began but she held up a hand. She moved back to the bed and bent to kiss him.

She pulled away and muttered, "You know, that really was pretty damned sexy to watch. Does that make me shallow?"

He smirked. "No. It just makes you realize how stunning you are. You're the most beautiful woman in the world, Ryan. And we will fix this. I swear it."

She nodded. "Okay. I believe you."

"Good. Because I'm hungry."

She paused. "But...you're a demon, right?"

He thought a moment and blinked his eyes black. She jerked away and he muttered as he closed his eyes, "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to..." He looked at her and could easily see the fear on her, or rather, his, face.

She shook her head. "No, I mean, I just...I've had nightmares about becoming a demon. To see my face with black eyes..."

"I'm sorry, Ryan, I didn't mean to be an insensitive prick, I just...I wasn't sure for a minute there." He glanced down at her arm, or rather, his arm, where The Mark still sat. "Are you okay? With The Mark, I mean? You're not feeling..."

"Homicidal? No, I'm good. Keep the blade away from me, just in case, but I don't feel any different. I'm just...me, I guess."

He nodded. "Okay. So...what's the plan?"

She shrugged. "I guess we go see what Kris and Hope came up with and go from there."

"But first, can we stop and get something to eat?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm hungry, too."

Dean took a shower and they got dressed. Thankfully, both boys were gone. Dean didn't know if Hope had told Sam, or if Gabriel had spilled the beans when he came back after they realized he didn't know how to help, but at least they didn't have to face Sam, yet. Dean could only imagine the look of mirth on his face when he realized they'd switched. Talk about the dude having a field day with something...

Ryan drove them to a fast-food joint only to find their drive-thru was under maintenance. "Can we go somewhere else?" Ryan asked.

Dean shook his head. "Come on. You know they've got the best burgers."

She sighed. "Fine. Let's go inside."

They walked in and waited their turn. Ryan ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and a fruit bowl, but Dean's mouth began watering as he ordered a double bacon cheeseburger, a large chili-cheese fry, an extra-large drink, and two fried apple pies. "You aren't seriously going to eat all that shit, are you?" Ryan snarled.

Dean heard the two little old ladies behind them talking about how rude he was being to his young woman and Dean smirked as he watched Ryan's jaw clench as she threw some money on the counter. "Of course. Now I'm the bad guy just because I don't want my ass getting any bigger," she murmured under her breath. "Please give the little lady whatever in the hell she wants," she managed through clenched teeth as she snatched up her cup to get some soda.

Dean took the change and made his way to get his own drink and to grab some napkins. He felt bad for Ryan, almost, but then their order was up and he eagerly bent to pick up their tray. Huh. It was definitely a lot heavier than he remembered...then it occurred to him he was in Ryan's body. And while she was hella strong because of her usual workouts, she definitely didn't have the biceps he sported.

"Here's your food, dear," he stated chirpily as he placed the tray on the table.

She glared at him. "If you make me gain weight while you're in my body, Dean Winchester, I'm going to kill you."

"I'm the king of Hell, sugar," he stated, making her southern accent more pronounced. "I don't die."

"Trust me. I'll find a way."

He grinned at her and handed her the grilled chicken sandwich. He tucked in and gazed at the cheeseburger longingly for a moment before he dug in.

"Did you seriously get bacon on it?"

"Yes. It's the only way to eat it," he managed, his mouth full of food.

"And you're going to eat those chili fries?"

"Damn skippy."

"And the fried apple pie?"

"Yup."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay. But don't come crying to me in an hour."

He swallowed and took a generous swig of his drink to wash down the burger. "Why?"

Instead of answering, she just smiled.

He wondered what she meant, but he was just happy to be eating. He might still be a demon, but he was starving for some reason. He ate the burger and about half of the fries before he moved on to the apple pies. He couldn't eat them both because apparently, Ryan's stomach was a lot smaller than his, but he gave her the other one, which she took with a smile and a generous, "Thank you."

He drank the rest of his soda and glanced at Ryan, who had been finished eating and was just waiting for him. "You want to go on out to the car? I'm gonna hit the head, then I'll be out."

Her lip quirked, but she nodded. "Sure, babe. No problem."

He stood and gathered his trash, but she took the tray from him. "Don't worry, I've got this, honey," she purred at him.

He eyed her, but shrugged as he made his way to the bathroom. He walked into the women's room, which was a single-toilet deal, did his business, then washed his hands and walked out. He was just musing over the fact they'd both been peeing when he heard, "Hey, sexy lady. Why don't you ditch the dick and come out with me and my boys. We'll show you a real good time."

Dean looked up, up, up, into the face of a dude that did _not _look like the kind of guy you'd take home to Mama. "Uh, no thanks. I'm good. Ry-uh-_Dean _might be a dick, but he's my dick." That sounded kind of like something Ryan would say, right?

The man reached out and snatched Dean's arm. "Come on, sugar. We'll treat you real nice."

"I said no!" Dean shouted and tried to pull away. That would have worked in his body, but in hers...he suddenly realized, he had no clue how to fight in a girl's body.

"Oh, the little kitten has claws. I like that."

Dean was man enough to admit he was starting to get scared when he heard, "No means no, dickbag." He had only a second to register Ryan had come to his rescue when she cold-cocked the bastard, laying him out flat on the ground. "Nobody fucks with my girl and gets away with it," she drawled in his voice, making him almost sound southern, which, in any other situation, would have been funny. "You're lucky I'm not putting you six feet in the ground. I'd have a field day with a little bitch like you down south."

Dean's eyes were like saucers as Ryan smiled. "Come on, babe. Let's get going." She grasped his hand and tugged Dean so he had to step over the guy's body to move toward the car.

"Wow. I've never had anyone defend my honor before," Dean told her.

She smirked. "You know, I don't like having a penis, but the strength I could definitely handle. Man. That's a rush...I mean, I've beaten up guys before. I can do it. But not with the raw power of this much muscle..."

Dean's stomach dropped. "Ryan, that's not just raw power. That's The Mark. You don't know how to feed it. It's getting hungry and you just gave it a taste."

He watched as realization dawned on his face as she put two and two together. "Oh shit..."

He nodded. "We need to switch back. ASAP."

* * *

They arrived at the bunker to find Hope still tiredly studying and Krissy asleep. "Where are Sam and the boys?" Ryan asked.

"They're down in the shooting gallery. I told Gabriel not to tell. That you two would be the ones to own up to this."

Ryan nodded and sat down next to their daughter. "Let me help."

Hope yawned. "I've got to run to Turkey and grab a book. I'll be back in ten."

"Have you slept?"

"I don't technically need sleep."

"Your body language suggests you do."

Hope shrugged. "I just need to recharge my batteries."

"How do you do that?"

Hope winked. "Very carefully. I'll be back in a few..." and with that, she disappeared.

"I'll go check on the boys," Dean offered.

Ryan nodded dismissively as she began reading.

Dean headed down to the shooting range and found Sam standing at the door. "Hey," Dean told him.

"Hey, Ryan. The boys are doing great."

"Of course they are. You taught them."

Sam shrugged. "I wish it had been Dean. He deserved this. I always felt bad for being the one to teach them all this stuff."

Dean remained quiet. He didn't know how Ryan felt about all of that. They hadn't, after all, switched brains, too. Although, that would have been a hell of a ride, wouldn't it?

Sam blew out a breath. "I talked to Gabriel."

Dean's eyes widened. "About what?"

Sam shot him an odd look. "It isn't easy getting him alone. I know you wanted to be the one to do it, but the opportunity presented itself, and I..."

"What did you do, Sam?"

"I talked to him about the time travel thing, like we discussed. I know you didn't want to say anything to Dean, didn't want to get his hopes up about going back in time and rewriting history, but I did."

"And?" Dean breathed. He'd not heard anything about this. But if Ryan was thinking about going back...fixing this... "What did he say? Can he do anything? What does he suggest? Can we...?"

"Ryan..." Sam moved around and put his hands on Ryan's shoulders. Dean suddenly realized how much bigger than Ryan his brother really was. "Look, I know you wanted to go back, tell Dean the truth as soon as he became King of Hell, have him up here to help you raise the kids, fix it so Andy and I met sooner...prevent Tory from being killed, the whole nine, but..."

"But what? Sam? What did he say?"

"He doesn't think it's possible. If any of us went back...if we screw this up..."

And just like that, the hopes crashed and burned. "Okay. Thanks, Sam, for trying."

Sam blew out a breath. "You should be the one to tell her, Dean. I'm sorry."

"How did you...?"

Sam smiled. "Do you honestly think I don't know my own brother, even if he is in a different body?"

"I wasn't much of a brother when I first got the mojo..."

Sam shrugged. "It's done, man. When are you going to realize that? You and Ryan, both of you want to fix the past so bad...have we learned nothing? Time travel doesn't work. Not with us. It didn't work preventing Mom from making the deal with Azazel, and it didn't work when Anna tried to go back in time to kill me..."

"Hey, it worked with Samuel Colt. Sort of."

Sam winced. "Sort of doesn't cut it. Not about this. Besides, you weren't in the right mindset. If you were, you'd have come and found me. But luckily, you did. You did love me enough to come and try to talk me out of marrying Ryan."

"You weren't marrying Ryan."

Sam nodded. "Yeah. You're right. She said no."

"WHAT?!"

Sam winced. "It was a long time ago..."

Dean shoved him and Sam's back hit the wall. "You fucking asked her to marry you!?"

"It was a spur of the moment thing. It was a couple of months after Jon was born...I thought it would be easier...she said no. That's it."

Dean glared at his brother. "You swear it?"

Sam nodded. "I swear it."

"Man...just when I think I'm over all the shit that happened between the two of you, I find out more!"

"Look, Dean, I forgot about it, she did, too. Hell, there were lots of little things that didn't mean anything!"

"And it all adds up!" Dean shot back at him.

Sam sighed. "Can we not do this now?"

"Does Andy know?"

Sam nodded. "Andy knows everything."

"Even that?"

"Even that. I'm sure Ryan just forgot. I mean, I asked her while we were putting away groceries for God's sake. It's not like it was a real proposal or anything."

"And if she had said yes?"

"She wouldn't. I knew it when I asked."

"If she HAD?!" Dean implored.

Sam shrugged. "She didn't."

"Son of a bitch," Dean growled.

"Dean..."

"No. I can't. Just...no, Sam. Not right now." He turned and winked out of sight. He couldn't be around them, not now. He wasn't mad, he was just hurt. A lie by omission was still a lie, right? Right.

* * *

"Penny for your thoughts?" he heard behind him. He turned and saw Hope standing there.

"Did you know he asked her to marry him?"

That gave his daughter pause. "She said no, Dad."

"Yeah, but..."

Hope rolled her eyes. "Honestly, the three of you need your own soap opera. It's like watching One Tree Hill or something. She was always in love with you, dumbass. Never him. Never. Never ever never in a million years would she marry Sam."

"She almost fucked him."

Hope's jaw clenched. "Yeah, well, you try going years without sex, and see how you react when you're drunk, horny, and in pain. Grow a brain, Dad. They're human. Both of them. They make mistakes. And I'd be willing to bet my angel grace that if that had happened, they wouldn't be speaking to one another today. It broke them. That one act of almost happening broke their relationship. Yes, it was for the best, in the long run, but it doesn't change anything. They couldn't be together. It was always you she loved. It was always you she wanted. And that's why she stopped."

"What do you know? You weren't there."

"I didn't need to be there, Dad. I knew. I could see it." She paused, then said, "Why do you think I went to Andy and suggested she call Tory? Why do you think I wanted her to make amends with Mom? Because, I knew, if I could just get her and Sam in a room together, I could fix it. Not Mom, I couldn't fix her, that had to come from you, but the rest..."

"Hope...what did you do?"

His daughter was quiet a moment. She glanced up at the sun and sky, the few white, puffy clouds floating through the air, before she looked back at him. "They had to be soul mates. They were supposed to be. I just had to tweak the books, had to put them back on the list. Then, once he found Andy, any feelings for Mom he had would vanish."

"You messed with their lives."

"I fixed their lives!" she cried.

"Hope...would Sam and Ryan have ended up together?"

She didn't answer.

"Hope! Come on!"

"I don't know!" She gasped out a breath. "I don't know and that terrifies me, okay? It was you! It had to be you! So, I had to fix it. Gabriel did a piss-poor job of this world he created and I had to go in and clean it up!"

"Hope..." He walked over to her. She had her head in her hands and she was sobbing. "Hopey..."

Her eyes shot to his. "I did the right thing. This has to happen. It has to play out..."

"What does?"

"This. I got it. I finally got it. Gabriel gave me the tools, I just didn't know how to fix it. But now I have, haven't I?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Did you?"

"I hope so," she whispered.

"Is your mom happy now? With me?"

"She's the happiest I've seen her."

"Then you did it right."

Hope sucked in a shaky breath. "O-Okay."

"Come on. Let's go back. Where did I poof to?"

She smiled. "Just a little way from the bunker. This is where Sam and Andy got married, remember?"

He glanced around. "Yeah." He turned back to her. "You did good, kid. Be proud of yourself."

"You too, Dad. You may not realize it, but you've fixed her."

He wasn't too sure about that. Suddenly, he felt sick. Really sick.

"Dad?"

He shook his head as a bubbling sensation crept up his throat before a fire blazed there. "What the hell?"

"What?"

"I..." he tried to swallow the fire, but it didn't help. "I think I'm sick, Hopey."

Her brows furrowed as she put a hand on his face. Her head cocked to the side like angels sometimes did before she smiled. "You're not sick."

"I feel like I'm on fire. What's wrong with me?"

"Acid Reflux."

"What?"

Hope chuckled. "Did you eat something Mom warned you not to?"

He thought back to their lunch. "Uh...yes?"

His daughter laughed out loud. "Since Mom's pregnancies, she can't eat bacon, cucumber, or fried stuff like doughnuts. They give her acid reflux."

"Can you fix it?"

She smirked. "Yeah. Some Pepto and some milk should do the trick."

"You can't just whammy me better?"

The girl got an evil look on her face. "And deny you this experience? Nope. Not a chance."

"Son of a bitch," he muttered as they both disappeared back to the bunker. Ryan was never going to let him hear the end of this.

* * *

One day quickly turned into three as Dean felt time slipping away from them. Jesse and Ben had gone to try and locate the witch, and in a move Ryan vehemently disapproved of, took Gabriel with them because he knew how to easily disable the witch using his own magic spells and angel grace. They figured maybe if Krissy and Hope couldn't find the counter-curse, at least they could bully the witch into fixing them before they ganked her ass.

Unfortunately...the ganking came first, after all three of the boys returned looking more than a little worse for wear. She was a strong witch and had hurt them all before Gabriel had ended her with a curse that sent her ass straight to Meg's waiting torture chamber. On the plus side, Meg was good at her job, so she was trying to torture the information out of the woman. However, the woman had a bought of death amnesia. It happened sometimes. Occasionally when a person died, they didn't remember much about their human life. Meg was trying to work through it. Dean could only hope the demon would find the truth.

They were all tired, frustrated, and pissed off, and being in one another's bodies hadn't helped Ryan or Dean. She was beginning to feel the effects of The Mark, and somehow, being a demon in her body was making her depression spiral within him. He had felt depressed before, but without The Mark, or being able to go to Hell and let off some steam, he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. It was weird. There was no way he should be feeling any of these things, and yet, he did.

"Fuck!" he roared as he tossed another spellbook across the room. "Damn it all to hell and back!"

Ryan walked over and put her hands on his shoulders and began massaging. "Why don't you go to your old room, grab one of my sets of clothes and take a nice, hot shower? It will help."

He blew out a breath. He was close to tears. Again. Man, this hormone thing was for the birds. "Yeah, maybe you're right..."

She bent down and kissed his hair. "Of course I'm right."

"Smart ass," he teased lovingly.

She smiled. "Go. You'll feel better."

He nodded, stood, and stretched. "Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes..." He walked to his old room, gathered up some of Ryan's clothes, and walked to the shower room. He got the water as hot as it would go and let out a sigh of relief as he stepped under the spray. He took his time, just letting the water cascade down him when he heard a sound. _I will not be the first five minutes of some horror TV show, _he thought and called out, "Hello?"

"Ryan! Hey, girl!"

"Charlie?"

"Yeah! Just got back. Gross. I'm covered in blood, mud, and I don't want to know what else. And I'm scratched all to heck and back. Luckily, no fangs got near me. I'd hate to have to eat a silver bullet, you know?"

"Uh...yeah." He heard the water turn on next to him and heard her moan in appreciation much like he had only moments before.

He tried to wash in record time, but he still managed to turn the water off at the same time as Charlie.

"Wow. That was great. Now, I just need to go in there and give Claire-Bear a little TLC. I think she's kinda freaked still."

"It's, uh, it's scary, seeing the person you love get hurt..."

"Yeah, I know, but still...hey, what are you doing in the shower? Come on. I know you're not shy..."

Dean swallowed hard, screwed up his courage, took a deep breath, and stepped out. Luckily, Charlie had already dried off and was in a pair of panties and a bra. Good. He totally didn't need to see the girl he considered a sister, naked. Talk about maxing out the weird-o-meter.

"So, anyway, as I was saying," Charlie continued, "I think I'm going to just do it, go all out, ask her."

"As her what?" Dean asked stupidly as he slid into his underthings.

"Duh, to marry me. I mean, we're just...well, we've been together forever and I mean..." she stopped and turned to Dean. "Why? Do you think she wouldn't want to marry me?"

Dean blinked then smiled. "I think she'd be an idiot _not _to want to marry you. And I'd have a stern talking to with her about it if she said no."

Charlie smiled and hugged Dean for all she was worth. "Oh, cool! Will you help me go pick out a ring? I mean...I don't know what I'm doing here!"

"Well, neither do I, you know..."

"Oh! You should ask Dean!"

Dean blinked. "Huh?"

Charlie rolled her eyes as she slid into a pair of pants. "Come on. He's never going to ask you, Ryan. I mean, not because he doesn't love you, because, trust me, I've never seen anyone love anyone as much as he loves you, but it won't occur to him."

"It might..." This was making him uncomfortable. Did Ryan even want to be married to him? He had wondered before, but she had always seemed content with their current arrangement.

Charlie stopped and looked at him. "Look, Ryan, I know you guys have been through a lot, but really? I mean, come on! You two should totally be married."

"We are, you know..."

"Yeah, yeah, upstairs, I get it. But down here. Like Sam and Andy! And you know he won't say no. Don't be afraid of that..."

"I'm not."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"I'm not!"

"Okay. Whatever. Just...think about it, okay?"

"I'll...let me give him a little more time, alright? We're just hitting our stride here, you know..."

"And you two have been back together for over three years! Look, I know neither of you are aging, which is weird, because I swear, you look younger than me, which I'm pissed about, but you two need to pull your heads out of your posteriors. If you like it then you should have put a ring on it!"

Dean winced. "Dude. Beyonce?"

"If he doesn't ask you within the next year, you ask him. Don't wait, okay?"

"Maybe he wants us both to be human. Maybe I want us both to be human..." Dean began.

"Honey, life is short. If Tory's death taught me anything, it's that. What if you two both get your shit together, and you're both human for one minute and then you get killed by a bus or something? Don't wait. Please?"

Dean bit his lip and nodded as tears pooled in his eyes. She was right. Even if they didn't get married, at least they'd be engaged. Yeah. After he got back in his body, he would do it. He'd be willing to bet he and Charlie could go shopping together. She would like that. He hadn't spent much time with her lately. He needed to remedy that.

They finished getting dressed in silence before Charlie headed toward her bedroom and Dean headed back to the War Room. He broached the door just as Krissy shouted, "I FOUND IT!"

Dean blinked. "You did!?"

"I was just coming to find you," Hope told him with a smile. "We found it."

He glanced at Ryan, who was eyeing him. "You okay?" she murmured.

He nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

She brushed a thumb across his cheek. "You've been crying."

He shrugged. "Hormones, right?"

She smiled and nodded. They turned to Krissy and she began the incantation. Dean felt himself getting woozy and a glance at Ryan showed her eyes rolling back in her head. He didn't have time to shout as he felt her body begin to sag to the floor.

* * *

"Ow!" Dean exclaimed as he regained consciousness. His head hurt like a bitch in heat. "What the hell?" he asked as he sat up and rubbed the lump on the back of his head. "What'd I miss?"

"Well, it was either catch you or catch Ryan, and we figured you could heal yourself."

He glanced down at his body and grinned. "Hey. You did it."

"Don't sound so surprised," Krissy deadpanned as she walked around the room collecting books. "Ugh. My eyes are crossed. I've read way too much Latin recently." she blinked rapidly a few times. "I need some eye drops."

"Where is she? Where's Ryan?" Dean asked as he stood and quickly concentrated on healing his head.

"Hope took her to the infirmary to give her an angel grace booster shot."

Dean nodded. "Good. I'll go check on her."

Krissy smiled. "So...quick question..."

He looked at her, his attention on her for just a moment. "Yeah?"

She bit her lip. "Did you like it?"

He cleared his throat. "It wasn't the worst time I've ever had. But you have to talk Ben into it. That would be pretty damned shitty if you sprung it on him, Kris."

She smirked. "Okay, okay. I'll ask him first."

Dean chuckled and hurried to the sick bay. He would have to warn Ben...let him know it was coming. That would be hilarious to sit back and watch.

He arrived at the infirmary just in time to see Hope injecting Ryan with a dose of blood. "Ryan?"

"Dean!" she shouted as she held a bandage to the spot Hope had injected her.

"I'm so happy to see you," he muttered as he crossed the room in three strides and grasping both sides of her face, laid a huge kiss on her lips.

"I need you," she muttered against his mouth.

He glanced behind him. Hope had disappeared and the door was shut. He flipped the lock with an incline of his head and kissed his woman again. "Fuck, Ryan, I need you, too."

"Here. Now," she demanded as she began pulling his shirt from his body.

He divested her of her tank and bra and his hands filled with her breasts. "It's just not the same touching them when they're attached to me," he told her as he licked down her neck to bite her nipple.

She gasped and grabbed his hair, holding him in place as he laved her skin with attention. "I know, right? It's not the same. I don't want that. I want you."

"Only you, Ryan." He felt her hands unfastening his jeans and as soon as she had them past his butt he kicked them, and his boots off. He quickly stripped her naked and then picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I can't wait."

"Good. Me either," she moaned and he quickly thrust, joining them.

She cried out and he felt her squeezing around him, milking him, and he had to focus so he didn't finish too quickly. He sat her on the edge of the table and pulled away to just look at her as they stayed joined. His hands framed her face once more. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Her hand reached up to his face as well. "As are you, Dean. I love you. So much."

"I love you, too, Ryan," he told her as he began moving, just slightly, gently bringing her to climax. She fell again he held her close, pulling their bodies flush as his hands roamed her back, relishing the feel of her smooth skin under his fingertips. They loved one another gently then roughly in turn until finally he couldn't stand it anymore and they both rode the high together.

"Are you alright?" he asked her some time later. They had managed to finish on top of their pile of clothes on the cold floor.

She looked at him with a soft smile. "Are you kidding? I'm great."

"Good. Let's get dressed and then we can spend a little more time together."

"Let's play with the boys. We haven't been there for either of them over the last few days."

He grinned. "I like that idea. Then, when they go to bed, I can have you all to myself again."

She smirked and slapped his chest playfully. "Deal."

* * *

He was jerked out of his slumber the next morning by a shriek from the bathroom. He was up in a shot and breached the door to find her standing, naked, on the bathroom scale. "TEN!? You put on TEN POUNDS while you were in my body?! That was only FOUR DAYS!"

He winced. "Sorry. At least I got served by having the worst heartburn in the existence of heartburn, right?"

She glared at him.

"Come on, babe, ten pounds? I can't even tell. Truthfully, you could stand to gain a few more. You're too damn skinny."

The glare intensified.

"I mean, all I'm saying is, I wouldn't mind a little more cushion for the pushin', you know?"

Still, she glared.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Do you know how hard I try to stay like this? I mean, come on, Dean! I'm in my forties now! I can't just drop a pound in a day for crying out loud! I can't get fat!"

"You are so far from fat, you don't even see the 'f' in the word, baby..." He could tell she wasn't buying it. "Ryan, seriously? Ten pounds is not a big deal. Just be thankful I cut back on the cheesecake yesterday..."

She took in a stuttering breath and he really hated to see tears in her eyes. "Come on, sweetheart, you're perfect to me," he cooed gently. "Don't you see? You saw how breathtaking you are to me. You're perfect."

"I was. Now I'm just..."

"If you finish that sentence, I'm going to spank your ass."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? At least it won't hurt so much, now that I have ten extra pounds on it!"

He rolled his eyes at the craziness he had somehow stumbled onto. Seriously? Had he known this would be such a big deal, he would have cooled it on the food. "For fuck's sake. You aren't fat. You aren't even chunky. And from the scrapbook pictures you've showed me of your pregnancies, you have never been fat. So will you shut the fuck up already because you're perfect."

She huffed out a breath and crossed her arms.

"Do I have to fuck your brains out to make you see?"

Her lip quirked. "Well, it's an idea..."

He snatched her up, bridal style, and carried her back to the bed, her giggles bouncing off the walls.

* * *

He walked into the house later that afternoon with a smile on his face. He was about to paint his woman's little red wagon. Jon looked up from his drawing of what looked like a werewolf eating a city, as he walked in. "Daddy...what does your shirt mean?"

He just smirked. "Go ask your mama."

"Okay!" Jon ran into the kitchen where Dean knew Ryan was starting supper, and he heard the boy ask his mother, "Mama? What's a 'chubby chaser'?"

Dean turned the corner in time to see Ryan's brows furrow. "Huh? Where did you...?" About that time, she glanced up to see him where he had propped himself up against the doorjamb. He'd found a white tee-shirt with big, bold, black letters declaring he was a "CHUBBY CHASER" on it.

Her eyes narrowed and he smiled at her as he nonchalantly walked over to the fridge for a beer. Her gaze would have burned a hole in him had she been equipped with the demon mojo still. He popped the top on the beer, took a generous swig, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked at her as he leaned against the counter. "Yes, Ryan?" he inquired, sarcasm dripping from his words.

She punched a finger into his chest. "This is, by far, the dumbest thing I've ever seen."

His eyebrow shot up. "Is that a fact? Well, that little fit you threw in the bathroom this morning was the dumbest thing I've ever heard, so...I'd say we're even."

They glared at one another a moment. "I'm fully prepared to belt out a few lines of 'Fat Bottomed Girls' if necessary," he added.

Still, her narrowed eyes bored into his. "I'm not budging on this," he stated as he crossed his arms.

They stood at an impasse for a few moments more before her face cracked and she began laughing. "I love you, you idiot."

He thought of the ring he and Charlie had picked out earlier in the afternoon. _I'm about to be your idiot fiance, _he thought with a smile as he pulled her to him and kissed her tenderly.

* * *

**AN2: So, yeah, the person that wrote those two body swap stories Krissy was talking about? That was me. It's Twilight Fanfiction. Don't judge. They are actually really hilarious. I co-wrote them with a friend of mine over on her page. If you're interested in reading them, PM me and I'll send you the link.**


	33. Hotel California

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Supernatural. If I did...we wouldn't be on another friggin hellaitus this week! Grrr..**

**AN: OMG you guys, I'm SO sorry! I never intended to take this long between chapters, but chapters thirty five, thirty six, and thirty seven kind of go hand-in-hand and they're mammouth heavy, so I had to get my head wrapped around them. I've gotten them written and now I'm editing them. The next chapter I need to edit as well...I'm not happy with it. SO it may be two weeks before you get it. Here's hoping it won't take that long...**

**Thank you guys so much for all the love! I've got 197 reviews, 24 Favorites, and 39 follows! Whoot! If ya'll would, spread the word. I'd love to get it to 50 followers. :) Also, please, give me some love. You guys have been waiting a long ass time for this to happen. Let me know if you liked it. Oh! And I'll be doing some outtakes of a sort, so if you want to see Daddy Dean or Uncle Sam doing something, let me know what your idea is, I'll see if I can make it happen. (future or past) Give me your name, and I'll mention you in the notes before your idea pops up in the story. **

**Now, ON WITH IT... **

* * *

**November Tenth **

Dean smiled as he felt the ring box in his pocket. He'd had one custom made for Ryan, which is why it had taken so long to be ready. Then, of course, they'd celebrated Jon and Hope's birthdays, but now, he was taking Ryan out of town for a little trip.

Hope, Sam, and Andy were all in on it. He had gone to Andy first, since she was Ryan's best friend, and she'd helped him put together one hell of a romantic getaway. They were staying in some old inn situated in the mountains of Colorado with hot tubs and champagne and room service. And the view...the view was supposedly the best around.

It kind of creeped him out that it reminded him of the inn in The Shining, but he was a demon as well as a hunter. He figured he could handle any wayward spirits. Although, if those twin girls came down the hallway, Ryan might be on her own...they'd freaked him out since the first time he'd seen the movie.

"You ready?" he asked as soon as he walked in.

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, but I wish I knew where we were going..."

He shook his head. "Nope. It's a surprise. In fact..." He pulled the blindfold from his back pocket. "You'll need this."

Her eyebrow popped. "A blindfold? Really?"

He smiled. "Come on. Where's your sense of adventure?"

She crossed her arms. "I'm fairly certain I've read this fairytale before."

His grin grew. "You mean, the one about the demon that lures the beautiful woman into the woods and has his wicked way with her?"

She chortled. "Exactly." She took the blindfold and sighed. "You know, I've told you I don't like surprises."

"But you amended that and said you like good ones. Trust me. This one's epic."

"It is," Andy told her with a smile and a wink at Dean. "And trust me, you'll like it."

Ryan eyeballed both of them. "You two...it's never good when the demon and the demon hunter are in cahoots."

Andy leaned into Dean and Dean wrapped his arm around his sister-in-law's shoulders. "Yep. Watch out. Trouble is brewing."

"I'm scared," Ryan stated waspishly.

"So, can we go?" Dean whined slightly. He was getting nervous, he could admit that, if only to himself. What if she said no? What if she laughed at him? What if...?

"Earth to Dean," Ryan stated with a finger snap in his face. "Come on, get your mind out of the gutter. Let's hit the road."

He watched her walk out the door and with a squeeze of encouragement on his arm from Andy, followed Ryan out to the car. They weren't taking Demon, not this time. Instead, they were driving the little two-seater that had been sitting in the bunker. She was a red beauty Ryan had named Lola. Apparently it was an inside joke about one of The Avengers or something.

He looked at Ryan sitting in the passenger seat. She had a bandana wrapped around her head so her curls didn't blow around everywhere with the top down, and she had already put the blindfold on. "Well? Are you going to stand there and stare at me, or are we hitting the road?"

He smiled. Yeah, this was going to be a fun trip.

* * *

He'd managed to entertain her with shop talk and music. He didn't want to give anything away, so they'd listened to cassettes instead of the radio, which hadn't bothered her, until he'd tried to put in Motorhead, which she adamantly refused. They might be one of his favorite bands, but she wasn't a fan. Instead, he'd popped in some Metallica and she'd told him stories about when Bobby was a baby, how it was the only thing that would calm him down. He remembered her telling him that when he'd been in South Dakota. He loved it when she talked about the kids being younger. She could weave a story to where it felt like you were there.

Finally, they arrived at their destination. She had dozed off at one point and he shook her lightly to wake her and he removed the blindfold.

She blinked in the bright afternoon sun and gasped. "Dean..."

"I thought we needed a romantic getaway."

"It's beautiful."

He smiled. "So...I did good?"

Her smile was blinding as she all but jumped into his arms and kissed him with as much passion as he felt. "You did great!"

"Good. Because this is our home away from home for the next couple of days." He put the car in gear and drove up to the inn. He parked in the large circle drive and he heard Ryan chuckle. "What?"

"It's called The Eagle's Nest."

"So?"

She shook her head. "Hotel California. By The Eagles. One of my favorite songs..."

He snorted. "Let's hope the place isn't haunted."

She glanced at the trunk. "Got some iron, salt, and gasoline, just in case?"

He glared at her. "I'm still a hunter, Ryan. Of course I do."

She chortled. "Good man."

"Come on. The place isn't haunted. I don't think. Let's go get checked in."

They walked inside, and the place was really nice. Lots of chandeliers and brass and antiques, but Ryan oohed and aahed so he guessed Andy hadn't led him astray on this. They walked up to a giant wooden desk and the woman behind it looked like something out of a twenties era movie. Dean blinked. He didn't know they were going to be in costume, but he went with it. "Winchester checking in."

The woman smiled. "Ah, yes, Mr. Winchester. Your room is ready and waiting. I shall have Frederick take your bags up." She rang a little bell next to her and a bellhop walked up.

A glance at Ryan showed she was excited. Like a kid in a candy store excited. Dean felt like an ass for not doing this before now. _Mental note; do nice shit for Ryan all the time, not just every once in a while. _He grasped her hand and they followed the bellhop to the ancient looking elevator. "Is this thing safe?" Dean asked softly.

Ryan giggled. "Come on. It's not like you can die. If the elevator starts to go, you can zap us both out of there."

He eyed it with trepidation but followed Frederick into the deathtrap. "So, Fred, you been working here long?"

The older gentleman sighed. "Some days it feels like centuries, sir," he replied in a British accent.

Dean and Ryan exchanged a shrug and smile. The decrepit elevator finally wheezed to a stop. "Third floor," Frederick proclaimed and he stepped off. They followed after him down the hall. "The presidential suite," he stated as he fished a skeleton key out of his pocket. He opened the door and handed the key to Ryan. She took it as if it were made of Waterford Crystal.

She marveled at it a moment before she breathed, "It's a skeleton key. I love skeleton keys."

Dean blinked. Yet another thing he hadn't known about Ryan. Interesting. He smiled and slipped old Fred some cash before he shut the door in his face. He turned and surveyed the room. It was classy. Very classy. Except... "Seriously?"

Ryan glanced up at the ceiling. "Well, mirrors work. I'll get to stare at your ass as we're having sex. It's kind of win-win for me." He frowned, but she smiled. "Come on. Let's go check out the balcony..." She went and opened the French doors and took a deep breath. "This is gorgeous."

He stepped out behind her. The view really was exceptional. The balcony was large, but it was also private. He glanced at the hot tub and waggled his eyebrows. She smiled and grabbed his hand. "Later. First, I want to check out that bed and look at your ass in those mirrors."

He chuckled. "Sounds like a plan." He pulled her to him and she whimpered slightly as he began running his hands all over her body. That was when he felt...her gun? "You brought your gun?"

She nodded. "And my knife, and my lock picks and..."

"I told you we were going for a romantic getaway, right?"

"Yeah, and sweetheart, romantic is anywhere as long as I'm with you. We could be hunting werewolves in Biloxi, Mississippi in the heat of summer and I'd find it romantic because I get to spend some time alone with you."

"Yeah, but..." he hated she felt like she needed to bring her gear.

"Did you bring something?" she questioned with a smirk.

He hadn't brought much, but he did have a knife on him. And his own lock pick set. And a few other things...

She nodded. "See? We're hunters, sugar. That means we're prepared."

He moved his hands up her body again to take her face in his hands. "Well, clearly I need to get you out of your gear, because I'm not done with you yet."

She smirked. "Promises, promises," she teased.

* * *

Some time later, Ryan stood from the bed. "Where you going?" he inquired.

She picked up her phone. "I just want to call and check in with the kids. Hopefully they're not giving Kris and Ben too bad of a time..."

"I think it's good for Kris and Ben. You've got to admit, those two little monsters of ours are pretty fun to be with."

"That's what concerns me...what sort of 'fun' they can get into."

Dean chortled. He'd kept them by himself. He knew what they could get into. "At least you warned them not to start any Lego wars."

She nodded as she put the phone to her ear. "And not to use their powers unless they were in danger. That one is a big one." Her nose wrinkled. "Funny...I can't get the phone to work. No service."

Dean shrugged and stretched. "Well, we are in the mountains. Reception is probably spotty."

She nodded. "Yeah, probably..."

"Come on. Don't worry. They're fine. They've got the number for the hotel if they need us. Grab that bottle of champagne. Let's celebrate."

"What are we celebrating?" she asked as she slunk onto the bed.

"Us," he breathed as he pulled her to him. The champagne could wait...

* * *

After he enjoyed Ryan in the mirrors for a while, they decided to grab that champagne. Ryan jumped up and ran over to the bottle and her giggles made him smile. "What?"

"It's pink champagne!" she exclaimed.

His brow furrowed. "Yeah, and?"

She glanced up at the mirrors again. "Mirrors on the ceiling, pink champagne on ice. We are all just prisoners here, of our own device..."

"What?"

She just shook her head. "Nothing. I just...you didn't let Gabriel help this time, did you?"

He let out a snort. "Not just no, Ryan. Little punk got me at Valentine's Day. I'm not falling for his trickery again."

She smiled. "You have to admit, he got you good."

"Yeah, but he got you, too. And I didn't like that."

Her smile softened. "I know that boy inside and out, and I know the angel in him, too. He doesn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings."

"He needs to be more careful," Dean stated.

She nodded. "Yeah, you're right." She glanced at the bottle chilling in the ice bucket. "You know, I've never had pink champagne."

He stood and walked over to her. "Yeah? Well, maybe we should try it then."

"Straight from the bottle," she proclaimed as she walked over to her pants and pulled out her Swiss Army Knife with the corkscrew on it.

"You know there is a corkscrew right here, right?"

She smirked. "Yeah, but we're being silly today."

His eyebrow shot up. "We are?"

She nodded. "We're kids today, Dean. Just you and me. No demons, no angels, no kids, no responsibilities, just us."

He smiled. "I like that."

She bit her lip and walked back to him. She wrapped her arms around his naked waist and looked up at him. "I like it, too."

He licked his lips as she looked up at him. "Do we really need champagne right now?"

Her grin turned wicked as she tugged him down to the floor...

* * *

"My God, we're going to kill each other before this weekend is through," she panted sometime later. "And now I'm starving as well as dying of thirst."

He couldn't keep the grin off his face if he tried. "Come on, Ry, five more minutes?"

"I'm covered in hickeys already, Dean, and we've only been here a few hours."

He glanced out the window where the inky twilight was invading. "I think it's been more than a few hours."

"Do you think they still have food?!" she gasped.

He chortled. "I'm sure they do. And if they don't, I can pop over to a drive through."

She blinked. "You can do that?"

He shrugged. "Of course I can."

She smiled. "Okay then. But let's call downstairs first." She dashed over to the phone and picked up the menu, glanced at the clock, and bit her lip. "We're cutting it close, but we should be good."

"Can I look at the menu?" he asked as he walked over.

"No. I'm ordering."

He smiled and laid back on the bed. "Why, Ryan, I like it when you're bossy. It makes me all tingly."

She shot him her middle finger and placed the call. "Hi, I'd like to order room service?" She paused, then she ordered, "Two Prime Rib, both medium rare, garlic mashed potatoes, salad with Ranch dressing, extra croutons, and two slices of cheesecake. Oh, and we want two of the French Onion Soup, and also..." he watched as she read over the menu once more, "Uh, let's go ahead and get an extra couple of rolls. Oh! And rum. A whole bottle of it. Winchester. Room three oh four. Thanks!" She hung up the phone and looked at him. "What?"

He just shook his head. She had kept the ten pounds, and added three more, though he was fairly certain she'd turned it into muscle. Her legs and arms were both a little bit bigger, but he'd noticed just the tiniest bit of padding now covering her ribs. He was glad. He didn't like being able to count them. She'd looked a little like a skeleton before. Now, she had filled out, just a bit. "Nothing. Think we can eat all that?"

She shrugged. "I'm hungry. And I've worked out more today than I do in a week. You could have warned me we were going to have marathon sex. I wouldn't have gone for my morning run with Sam."

He smiled as he grabbed her arm and pulled her back on the bed. "Well, let's continue this marathon. It will take a while for the food to arrive, right?"

She giggled but it turned into a moan as he latched onto her nipple.

* * *

They luxuriated in the hot tub. They ate room service. They had sex and cuddled and made out more times than Dean could count. Their weekend was coming to a close and he still hadn't worked up the nerve to ask her. He wasn't sure why he was hesitating, but he just couldn't bring himself. So, when she walked out of the bathroom in a fancy dress for dinner, his mouth dropped open. Tonight was it. He would ask by the end of the night. "You look terrific."

She smiled as she did a small turn for him. She looked kind of like a bad ass biker chick in a short, tight, black dress with long sleeves. There was a white stripe down the sleeves and she had her hair half in braids. She was absolutely stunning.

She smiled as she walked over and touched his sweater. He'd had Andy help him pick out a few things to wear, and the button down/tie/sweater combo was what she'd gone with. "You look pretty damn good yourself, Winchester."

He smiled and bent to kiss her. _Don't screw this up, man, _he thought as he pulled away and held out an arm for her to take.

They rode in the crappy elevator down to the dining room. It was the first time they'd left their room in two days. "Can we explore a little first? We're early, right?" Ryan asked.

He nodded. "Sure. Whatever you want to do. It's your weekend, babe."

She gave him that brilliant smile and began looking around the lobby.

"Having a nice time?" Frederick inquired of Dean as he appeared from the shadows.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. She's having a blast, and if she's happy, I'm happy, so, absolutely."

The old man smiled. "Good. I am quite glad."

Dean glanced around and for the first time, noticed they seemed to be alone. "Where is everyone else?"

"You requested a private dinner, sir. The other guests ate already."

"I did?"

The old man nodded. "Yes, sir."

_Damn. Andy's good. _"Cool. Thanks."

"Shall I ask the chef to hold the meal for a bit?"

Dean glanced at Ryan, who was reading a plaque on the wall. "Nah, we'll be in there soon."

Frederick bowed slightly. "As you wish." He slunk off down the hall and Dean's eyebrow rose before he walked over to Ryan.

"Are we sure Alfred's not a ghost?"

Ryan chortled. "You didn't notice the ring I've been wearing, have you?"

He shook his head.

She held out her right hand with the rather large black ring on it. "Iron. I had it made in Tombstone by the blacksmith there."

"So if you shake hands with a ghost...?"

She nodded. "He goes 'poof' I know something's up."

"You're a genius, you know that, right?"

She laughed. "Genius? I'm not so sure about that. It just...made sense to me. Besides, I can always throw it at them if I need to."

He chuckled under his breath. "Dinner?"

She nodded. "Sounds good."

He led her into the grand dining room and he let out a whistle. "Okay, I've never eaten anywhere this fancy before."

She giggled. "Well, don't worry. It looks like the place is deserted. So, if you make a fool of yourself, no one will be here to know."

_So THAT is why Andy wanted the place just for me and Ryan. If she says 'no' no one can see my failure. Right? _The thought made him feel a bit morose. But then Ryan stood on tip-toe and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Thank you," she breathed.

"For what?"

She shrugged shyly. "For all of this. I feel like a princess, Dean."

He smiled. "Well, you're my queen, so..."

Her lip quirked. "I'm trying to decide if that was sweet, or corny."

"Both, babe. With me, it's always both."

She laughed out loud and he led her over to the table in the middle of the room, the one decorated with roses and another bottle of champagne sitting in a stand next to it. He held out her chair for her and a waiter came over to them, handing them each menus. Ryan opened hers and began looking at it, but Dean just stared at her. She really was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. He seriously needed to thank Gabriel more for giving him the gift of Ryan. Of course, they were soul mates, but that didn't mean she had to love him. She could have walked away from him. But she didn't. She was his and he was hers. He felt the ring burning a hole in his pocket, but he knew he wanted to wait until later...

"Dean?"

He blinked. "Yeah?"

She smiled. "Aren't you going to look at the menu?"

He shook his head. "Nah. I know what I want."

She shot him a glare. "I'm not on the menu."

He grinned. "But I love to eat you, Ryan."

He watched her squirm just slightly and recross her legs and his smile grew. He loved making her fidget.

She cleared her throat and looked back at the menu. "Well, you know I don't like tuna, and we already had a prime rib, so I think I'll go with the chicken."

"Sounds good."

Her eyebrow rose. "No red meat?"

He shrugged. "I feel like living dangerously." He nodded in the waiter's direction and the man came over. "Order for me again."

She licked her lips. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you like me telling you what to do."

He just smiled. She chuckled and glanced up at the waiter and ordered them both the ribs and chicken plate with loaded mashed potatoes, hers without bacon, and the special strawberry and pecan salad.

They made small talk and sipped the champagne while they waited. Then, when their salads arrived, Dean glanced down at his in confusion. "They put fruit on lettuce?"

Ryan laughed out loud. "Dean, this is one of the best salads in existence. Trust me. Strawberries, oranges, and raisins mixed with spinach and lettuce, blue cheese, and pecans topped with a special dressing? It's like a party in your mouth."

"So is pie," he grumbled, but he took a bite.

"So...?" she inquired after watching him chew.

"Not bad. Not bad at all."

She chortled. "As I said..."

They ate in silence, with only some classical music as background noise. He watched her glance around as she wiped her mouth daintily. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just...it seems like we're the only people in this place. Maybe it _is _haunted."

He shrugged. "I, uh, I had a little help planning this. Andy must have requested a private dinner."

She smiled. "Remind me to thank her." She eyed the grand piano in the corner. "That kind of makes me want to do a Richard Gere/Julia Roberts."

His eyebrow shot up. "Tonight? After everyone is in bed?"

She bit her lip and then with a wicked smile, nodded as the waiter brought out their meals.

Dean had planned to propose during dessert, he really did, but when Ryan wanted their desserts sent up to their room so she could look around a little bit more, he could do nothing but agree. It was, after all, her weekend. So, he informed the waiter of the change of plans for the triple chocolate cake and the slice of key lime pie and escorted her back out of the dining room.

Down the hall, they found a huge library with a roaring fireplace. Ryan's eyes lit up and even as he rolled his eyes, Dean followed her in. He watched as she lovingly ran her finger along the spines of the books. "This is amazing! Some of my favorites are here!"

He spotted a sign and pointed to it declaring you could take the books back to your room, only to please leave them for the other guests to enjoy. She picked one up but then sat it back down. His brow furrowed. "You're not going to read?"

She shook her head. "I want to spend all my time with you. I can read any old time."

"If you're sure..."

She nodded. "I am. Come on, let's explore a bit more." She grabbed his hand and they continued their exploration. They found the indoor pool, and the now closed kitchen, and a slightly decrepit looking gym with a measly treadmill, stationary bike, and set of free weights, before she glanced out the window at the full moon. "Oh! Let's go outside!" She tried the door, but found it locked with a key. "Huh."

"Maybe we have to use the front door?" Dean suggested.

She shrugged. "Maybe." They walked back out to the foyer and tried that door. Nothing. "Dean..."

He glanced at the clock. "It's late. I'm sure they just lock up at night so..."

Ryan swallowed hard. "You don't think..."

"The place is haunted?" he provided. "Maybe. I'm starting to get some weird vibes. Let me just pop out to the car, grab the gear, then come back in. You okay here?"

She pulled a small knife out of a garter and held it up for inspection. "Iron knife. Just in case."

His eyebrow rose. "You got a silver one under that, too?"

She smirked and pulled it out as well.

He cleared his throat. "Fuck, Ryan, that's sexy."

She smiled. "Hurry back, okay? I'm not in the right shoes to be fighting a damn spirit."

He chortled and disappeared. Only...

"Dean? You're still here."

He looked at her and he felt sure his eyes were just as wide as hers. "Maybe it was the booze," he commented as he tried again. Nothing.

She sucked in a breath. "Okay. What is it that can make a demon go limp?"

"Okay, first off, I'm not limp, as a matter of fact, I'm sporting a hard-on at this very minute because of your sexy ass, and second..."

She shot him a look. "Don't be a douche, Dean. You're the fucking king demon and you can't go anywhere! I'd say we're dealing with something strong here!"

He glanced around and then back at her. "Okay, first, we need to get you into some fighting gear, then we we'll see what we're dealing with. Did you bring your laptop?"

She shook her head. "But I brought my tablet. I've got some books on there. I thought if we had time, I might read..."

He smiled despite their situation. "I knew you wanted to read. I would have left you alone."

"Like I wanted to? I just didn't know if you'd have to pop downstairs or not, and if so, I wanted to have something to occupy me while you were gone."

"Well, I cleared a few days with the girls and...you know, that's not important. Let's get upstairs and change. The sooner we're both prepared to fight whatever is coming our way, the better."

They hurried to the elevator and Ryan shook her head. "Hell no." She slipped her shoes off. "We're taking the stairs. If you can't mojo out of here, you couldn't save us if that elevator decided to take an unscheduled plummet. We can walk."

He glanced at the elevator and nodded. Yeah, he didn't want to take that risk.

They hurried up the stairs and back to their room. Dean quickly changed into jeans, a tee, a flannel overshirt, and boots. He dug into the pockets of his slacks to empty them and came out with the ring. He sighed and slipped it into his jeans pocket. _Before the weekend is over, _he swore.

He glanced at Ryan, who had finished dressing and was putting on all of her gear. Once that was done, Ryan grabbed her tablet and tried to do an internet search. "Shit. No wifi."

Dean walked over to her. "Where's Sam when you need him? Dude could always find a signal."

Ryan chortled. "True. I used to tell him he was getting the messages beamed down through his hair."

Dean snorted. "I could see it happening."

She sighed. "So, no wifi, so we can't find out the history of the hotel..."

"Well, let's be serious, I've never heard of a ghost being able to diminish a demon's powers."

She nodded, her pinkie finger going into her mouth. He knew she chewed on her pinkie nail that when she was nervous. "Yeah, so, okay, what can? I mean, it's not like you're just some nobody demon, Dean. You're the head honcho."

He nodded. "Okay, so...what about Eve? She took away Castiel's powers."

Ryan nodded. "But Gabriel hasn't been to Purgatory for a long time now. He's the only one that can get her unless some idiot did the spell again, which, I don't see why or how."

He nodded. "What about an angel?"

"All the angels are in our good graces. All the strong ones, anyway. The soldiers, ones under Cas, they couldn't pull this off. Only Cas or Hope could possibly diminish your powers. And, honestly? I don't think Cas is even strong enough. That's a mark from Lucifer you're sporting, Dean. It's not like you got it at The Tramp Stamp Emporium. Besides, Hope is keeping an eye on the heavenly host."

"So...Leviathans? I mean, they were pretty messed up."

"How would they get out of Purgatory?"

"Maybe they didn't all poof or whatever when I killed Dick Roman."

She continued to chew her fingernail. "I don't know. What about any of the old deities? Some of the peeps Hope and Gabriel hung around with in their last skins?"

He shrugged. "We could try to call Hope...?"

She nodded. "Couldn't hurt..." Just then, they heard a scream from down the hall. They exchanged a glance and dashed out the door.

"What do you have on you?" he asked as they ran.

"My gun with six silver bullets, an iron knife, a silver knife, a small flask of holy water, and that's about it. You?"

He grimaced. "Less than that."

She groaned. "Great," she muttered as they ran toward the sound of the scream. A woman was lying on the floor. "Ma'am? Are you alright?"

"It...it...it was terrible!" she cried.

Ryan hugged her and began asking her questions. The woman couldn't describe what had attacked her, but it had left a slash on the woman's leg and arm. Dean examined it but couldn't tell if it was a thick blade or a single claw. They just didn't have enough information. Ryan helped the woman to her feet and they took her to her bedroom and instructed her to lock the door and stay inside.

"Like that'll help since we don't know what we're dealing with!" Ryan stormed in frustration.

"Well, let's go to the kitchen, get some salt, at least that will help. It helps with demons, too."

"This isn't a demon, is it? I mean, you're the strongest..."

He shrugged. "It could be a witch? I mean...hell, Ryan, I have no clue!"

She sighed. "Me either. Let's go get salt, then see what we can do." They trudged back down the three flights of stairs to the kitchen. As they made their way back through the dining room, the tables started to move.

"Well, that's creepy," Dean muttered before the tables started flying around the room, almost as if they were dancing. "Let's get the hell out of here."

Ryan, however, stopped, her brows knit.

"Ryan, move your ass, sweetheart. I don't want you to get hit by moving tables!"

She blinked and shook her head. "Sorry, it just reminded me of a movie..."

"Really?! Now we're going to talk movies?"

She shrugged and followed him. They made it back to the top floor and salted the woman's door before they turned to one another. "Now what?"

He shook his head. "I have no idea."

She groaned. "I was afraid you'd say that."

"Okay, so, it was screwing with tables, it attacked the woman with either a single claw or a blade, and it isn't letting me use any of my powers. What is it?"

"I've never come up on anything like this, Dean. I have no idea. I've never even read about anything like this."

"So...what do we do?"

She didn't have an answer.

They decided to head back downstairs. "Should we gather everyone together?" she wondered aloud.

"Why? To tell them something might get them, but we don't know what and we don't know how and we might just be crazy?"

She glared at him. "Look, I'm scared too, alright? But just because we're afraid doesn't mean we don't protect these people, Dean!"

He huffed out a breath. She was right. He was scared. He'd lived with these powers for over ten years. He'd gotten used to being one of the strongest creatures in the room. To feel...human, it was humbling. "Okay, I'm sorry, Ry. You're right. I'm just like you now, okay? I'm almost human without my powers and it's freaking me out a little bit."

She gave him a soft smile. "See? Did it kill you to admit that to me?"

He shot her a glare. "I don't do touchy-feely."

She smirked. "That wasn't what you said this morning."

"This morning I was feeling you up. There's a difference."

She smiled and put a hand on his face. "This is temporary, Dean. You know you have to be king of hell until Jonny-Cake takes over. So you'll get your mojo back. Just...think back to being a human hunter. Use that part of your brain. It's all still in there, I know it."

He nodded. "Okay, you're right. We need to gather up everyone in the building."

She gave him a firm nod. "Okay. You go get the woman and get everyone from the top floor. I'll handle down here, then go on to the second floor. We'll gather everyone in one of the small offices, okay?"

"No."

Her eyes narrowed. "Look, Dean, I'm just as capable a hunter as you, currently, maybe even more so. So, when I say move your ass and let me do my job, I mean MOVE YOUR ASS AND LET ME DO MY JOB!"

His lip quirked. Yeah, he liked her being bossy. "Yes, ma'am."

She turned and headed toward the back of the hotel, where the offices were. "And wipe that smirk off your face!" she called.

He cleared his throat, readjusted himself as he thought of her bossing him around in the bedroom, and made his way up the stairs.

He began knocking on doors, gathering people, then went to the lady with the injuries, carrying her down the stairs. To his surprise, Ryan was already there with only a handful of people. "Did we come at the wrong time of year?" he mused. "Shouldn't this place be more crowded?"

"We do not offer skiing accommodations, sir, that is why we are not crowded," Frederick explained.

Dean glanced out the windows. It was pitch black outside, which was funny...the moon had just been shining, hadn't it? _Why does this shit have to happen at night? Couldn't like, midmorning work for these monsters? _

"I found a perfect place for them," Ryan told him as she led the way to a small, windowless office. It had a few chairs and a couch in it, and not much else.

"Why are we here?!" an excited young woman asked.

"Okay, you all need to calm down," Ryan stated, and Dean sat back to watch her work. She was good. Firm, explaining the situation, but calm as well, relaxing people as best she could. She was awesome to watch.

"We're going to keep you all safe, but you have to trust us and stay in here. We're locking you all in here for your safety, alright?"

"But...what is it? Is it a monster? What?"

Dean shook his head. "We can tell you what it isn't, but as for what it is, we aren't certain. But don't worry, you'll all be safe."

"As long as the chairs don't start dancing," Ryan muttered under her breath.

He chuckled and picked up the iron poker from the fireplace. "Use this if something comes at you. I'll go collect a few more."

Ryan nodded. "And we're going to salt the door. That should keep anything out."

Dean ran out into the other rooms, collecting pokers from the multitude of fireplaces and returned just as Ryan was putting down... "Glue?" he inquired.

She nodded as she poured the white liquid on the floor. "It helps the salt stick."

"Clever. Why didn't I think of it?"

She looked up at him and smirked. "Well, you're a guy, so...you have penis brain."

He blinked. "I don't even want to know what that means."

She giggled. "Nope."

"Will we be alright?" an older, calmer woman asked.

Ryan nodded. "This is what we do. Right, Dean?"

He looked at his woman and smiled. "Yeah. This is exactly what we do."

They shut the door and he heard the key turn as Ryan poured the salt. "Now what?" he asked.

She stood and shrugged. "I have no fucking idea."

He grinned. "At least we're together, right?"

They heard banging at the back of the house and immediately hurried toward the sound. "You know," Ryan mused as they ran, "Most people run away from things that go bump in the night."

He shrugged. "I've been running toward them my whole life."

She nodded. "Me too."

They made their way to the pool room and they saw... "Sharks? Seriously?!" The pool was filled with sharks, all snapping and attacking one another.

"Wow. Well, I'm never going swimming again," Dean muttered.

Ryan chuckled. "This...whatever this is has a sense of humor."

"Almost childish," Dean commented.

Ryan blew out a breath. "What do we do?"

"We could burn the joint down?"

"With us trapped inside?!"

He shrugged. "I'm out of ideas."

"You're terrible at ideas. Go sit in a corner and let me think," she told him with an eye roll.

He chuckled and shook his head. "You know, this reminds me of..." his sentence was cut off by a shrill shriek.

"It didn't get in to their room, did it?"

Dean was at a loss. "It could, I guess, seeing as how we have no idea what it is!"

Ryan growled and they ran back to the front of the hotel, back to the office everyone was locked in. The door looked like it had been blown from its hinges and the room was completely empty. "Oh no!" Ryan cried as she looked around.

"On the plus side, there's no sign of blood," Dean commented.

"Where did they go?"

"I don't...I am clueless," Dean admitted.

Ryan shook her head. "Well, they say admitting something is the first step."

"Ha, ha, ha." he deadpanned.

Just then, they heard it, a moaning sound. The moaning grew louder until it turned into words. "Dean..."

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "It..."

Then it said, "Ryan..."

"Holy shit. It knows who we are!"

"That ain't never good," Dean muttered. Ryan just looked at him. "What?" he asked.

"You just used the word 'ain't'."

He shrugged. "You're rubbing off on me."

She took a deep breath. "So, it knows us. How? What does it want? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" she shouted.

"Ryan..." he started, but she was already on a tangent.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? I'M RIGHT HERE! COME AND GET ME!"

He had about a half second to shove her to the floor when a chair came flying at them.

"Damn it, Ryan! Don't piss the fucking thing off!"

"I just want to know what it is, what it wants!"

"I don't know!" Dean yelled.

They stood, back to back as the whole room began moving. "Dean..."

He grabbed her hand. "Ryan, I'm sorry. I don't...I don't know what this is and I don't know how to fix it and I don't know..."

"It's okay," she whispered as she clutched his hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmured as he turned to grab her in a hug. He didn't know what was coming, but it was coming to kill them. That much, he realized. Now, it wasn't only the room that was spinning. It seemed as though the furniture was making a tornado around them. In only moments, it would swallow them. He had to move fast. "Ryan, I'm so sorry. Look, I know this isn't how thing were supposed to go down. I wanted...I wanted to do this right. And I know it's shitty timing, but..." he reached into his pocket and snagged the ring. "I wanted to ask you to marry me. I wanted...shit, we're going to die. Charlie was right. I should never have waited. Truthfully, I don't know why I did. I'm sorry. I love you. So much. I'm so sorry."

"Dean..." she glanced down and gasped as he slipped the ring on her finger. It was made to look almost like a crown. It was gold, and it had a star made out of rubies. Nothing normal for his girl, no, she needed something special. "It...it looks like Wonder Woman's crown."

"You are Wonder Woman. To me, anyway. You raised those kids. You lived through countless tortures. You survived without me a hell of a long time. And, yeah, you had Sammy, but you were on your own for so much of your life. You're the real Wonder Woman. Would you marry me? If we live, I mean?"

She looked up at him as tears streamed down her face. "Yes," she whispered, then yelled, "YES!" as she flung her arms around his neck.

His arms encircled her just as he felt like he was floating and he knew, if he was dying, this would be the way to go.

He landed roughly on his back, with the soft weight of Ryan holding him down. Their arms were still around each other. He blinked his eyes open. They were laying on a patch of grass right by the car. The sun was streaming down on them. Ryan opened her eyes and her brows furrowed as she looked down at him. "Did we...are we alive?"

"I think so?"

"Do you have your powers?"

He thought a moment and he felt the wound on his face from a flying piece of glass slowly begin to knit back together. "Yes?"

She smiled and hugged him all the tighter. "What just happened?"

"I have no clue."

"I can answer that," a soft voice called. It was the lady that worked the desk. They watched as her image shifted and she turned into Hope.

"Hope Deanna Winchester!" Ryan growled as she stood. Dean followed her and they both glared at their daughter.

Hope held up her hands. "Wait, just...hear me out..."

"Give me one good reason," Ryan stated as she put a hand on her hip.

Hope winced. "We, uh, we were afraid you'd chicken out, Dad."

Dean blinked. "Who is 'we'?"

Frederick appeared and turned into Gabriel. "Me and Hope. We wanted you two to get engaged. When we saw you hadn't done it yet, last night, we kind of set the wheels in motion..."

"So...none of it was real?"

The two angels nodded. "From after dinner, on, it was all fake."

"So the people...they're all okay?" Dean asked.

"They're fine. They weren't even used. They were all sleeping in their beds."

"And the people you were pretending to be?"

"They're actually in there. You met them earlier. They're legit. We just borrowed their...images," Hope explained.

"You know, I was really going to ask her, before you two knuckleheads screwed everything up."

"You were supposed to do it at dinner, Dad," Gabriel told him. "We were watching and waiting and you didn't!"

Dean blushed. He had actually decided to do it after a little play time in the hot tub... maybe after the dessert..."Wait, you two didn't see us..."

Both kids put on faces. "No way!" Gabriel shouted.

"I really don't need any more images than that time in the kitchen. I don't need to see more skin than what was going on there, Cherry Pie."

Ryan smirked. "Well, thank you both."

"What?!" Dean exclaimed.

Ryan smiled. "Come on! This was epic! I got to spend all this time with you and we got to pretend we were just kids again and then we got to go on a pretend hunt! It doesn't get any better than that!"

Dean just shook his head and smiled. "I love you."

She bit her lip. "I love you, too." She turned to the kids. "So, now that our little adventure is over, are we done? Can we go back to celebrating our engagement now?"

Hope let out a squeal and ran to hug her mother. "I'm so excited for you! Yes, of course! Come on, Gabe, let's go back home. They're good. You guys just take your time. See you later!"

Dean felt Ryan's hand slip in his as they watched their children disappear. "I'm going to strangle them," Dean promised.

Ryan laughed throatily. "Later. Right now, Mr. Winchester, I want to get you naked."

He hauled her to him, his hands delving to her ass and giving it a squeeze. "Is that so, Soon-To-Be-Mrs.-Winchester?"

She gasped. "You know, I like the sound of that."

"Me too," he whispered as his mouth descended to hers.

* * *

"I don't want to wait," Ryan stated later.

Dean ran a lazy finger up her leg, up, up, up, to her naked side and traced his name in the infinity symbol under her breast. "Wait for what?"

"To get married," she stated as she turned on her side to look at him. "I want to get married as soon as possible."

He smiled. "Really? You don't want to wait until, you know...I'm human?"

"It didn't matter to Hope and Jesse. Why should it matter to us?"

He kissed her tenderly, but then her hands began to move and he growled as he pinned her to the bed. "I'll give you whatever you want, Ryan. You know that."

She flipped them so she was on top and she smiled. "I know. But I also know we need to check out in an hour, so for right now, what I want..." she slunk down onto him and he hissed out a breath as she began to ride him, "Is you."

"Always, babe. You always have me."

"And you always have me," she promised.

* * *

**June Fifteenth **

"Is it weird?" Dean asked Sam.

Sam looked at him. "What?"

"We're getting married on the eve of your wedding anniversary."

Sam shook his head. "No, you're getting married on the day you two got your heads out of your asses and talked like grown ups."

"I have two words, brother; fuck and you."

Sam grinned and slapped him on the back. "Are you kidding? We've all been waiting for this day. When Ryan came home and told us you two were engaged, I figured she would have wanted to get married the next day. But then her sense of symmetry caught up with her, I guess."

Dean looked at himself in the mirror. Ryan had wanted a wedding at the beach she loved as a child. They were getting married barefoot, he and Sam were in jeans and white button down shirts, and the girls, well, he had no idea what Andy or Ryan were wearing. He hadn't been allowed to see.

It was a small affair. Sam was his best man. And Cas...he had wanted Cas there, but he understood why the angel hadn't come down. Andy was standing up with Ryan. Hope and Ben were both playing the music, and had refused to let Dean or Ryan have a choice in the songs. Dean was about half afraid of what they would come up with.

"Come on, slowpokes. We're almost ready," Claire told them. Charlie was officiating and Claire was in charge of getting them all to their right places. He glanced at the woman with a smile. She was perfect for Charlie. The two of them were perfect because they balanced each other out. Charlie was hyper and spastic and often reminded him of an excited puppy, and Claire was just kind of chill. She went with the flow and kept Charlie grounded. He glanced at the diamond on Claire's hand. Charlie hadn't gone normal with her ring, either. It was dodecahedron shaped, which Dean found odd, but he assumed Claire had loved it since she'd said 'yes' and they'd gotten married earlier in the year. Hope had officiated their ceremony.

"Thanks, Claire," Sam told her with a smile. He stood and looked at his brother. "Well? Come on. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but it's time to get you married, Dean."

Dean sucked in a breath. Never, in all his years, had he ever thought he'd be hearing it said. But to his surprise, he didn't feel nervous. No butterflies dogged him today. He was as sure of this as he was anything in life. "Let's go."

They walked out onto the beach. The sun was bright in the sky, but the warm ocean breeze felt good against his skin. He saw the small group of chairs already filled and he couldn't contain his grin as he saw one of the most important people waiting somewhat nervously at the back of the chairs. "Cas!" he called and didn't even bother saying anything else as he gathered the angel in a bear hug. "Man, you came."

The angel gave him a small smile. "Hope was quite insistent. Half the heavenly host is here, which is funny considering your knights are here as well. But it would not have mattered. I, of course, would be here to see this. It is quite a joyous occasion, Dean."

"Are you okay? Really, Cas?"

Cas sucked in a breath. "Every day has its moments. Of course, Tory keeps telling me to remove a certain part of my anatomy from another part, but I can't leave her. It isn't fair, and..."

Dean put a hand on the angel's shoulder. "I get it. If Ryan were anywhere else, that's where I would be, too."

Cas cleared his throat. "Anyway, Tory informed me I was to have a good time, to not skip out early, and if someone saw fit to make me enjoy myself, no matter in what form it might be, to do so."

Dean's eyebrow rose as Meg came walking up. She was in a dress, which Dean found odd, but he couldn't deny his knight was pretty. "Cas," she said with a soft smile. "I'm glad to see you."

Cas returned the smile. "And it is good to be seen."

Dean smiled as well. He knew the angel wasn't fine. Knew, too, Cas would be with Tory forever now, but at least she was trying to help him get back to normal. And he knew Meg would look after him while he was there. He glanced at Sam. "Let's get this show on the road."

Sam chuckled and followed his brother to the front of the aisle where they stood next to Charlie. "So, how's it feel to be an old married woman?" Dean teased gently.

Charlie's eyebrow shot up. "I'll ask you how it feels to have a ball and chain in an hour."

"I expect it's going to feel awesome," Dean mused.

Charlie nodded. "It's the best feeling in the world."

"I second that," Sam chimed in.

Just then, the music started. Dean noticed Hope had gone all out. There was a full string ensemble there playing. Apparently angels really were good with music.

Just then, Andy walked down the steps from the dunes, across the sand, and down the lace aisle. She was beautiful in a short dress that had a black skirt and a white lace top with tiny straps. Dean glanced at Sam and saw nothing but love and lust on his brother's face, causing Dean to grin and jab Sam with his elbow. "Focus, damn it. This is my day, not yours."

Andy must have heard him because she winked. "Later, tiger," she all but purred at her husband.

Dean rolled his eyes but he couldn't stop smiling. He was glad his brother had found such an awesome partner in life. Andy was one of the coolest. She really was.

He and Ryan had forgone the ring barer and flower girl thing, and at her request, both their boys were going to walk her down the aisle. It was fitting, Dean thought, that after all this time, it was Gabriel who walked with her. After all, without him, none of this would have been possible. And the thoughts of what could have happened frightened him.

The music changed and Dean stood a bit straighter as he caught his first glimpse of her. Her hair was piled on top of her head, with loose curls dancing in the salty sea air. She had on a tight, white lace number that clung to her body in all the right places until it hit her hips where it flared into an ankle length skirt. The whole dress looked like see-through lace, but when she got closer, he realized the under layer was skin colored. It was a halter-top, so her angel wings and anti-possession tattoo were on proud display, as well as the scars running along the insides of her arms. She was the most glorious creature in existence, and he dared anyone to disagree with him.

She smiled as she stopped, just out of his reach, and waited as Charlie asked, "Who gives this woman?"

Gabriel and Jonathan looked at one another before speaking in unison, "Our sister and I do."

There were a few 'awwww's' from the crowd as Gabriel handed Dean Ryan's right hand and the two boys sat down.

Ryan smiled at them both before she turned back to Dean. "You're gorgeous," she muttered.

"You're one to talk. Damn. That dress, Ryan..." he cleared his throat and she giggled.

"Will you two knock it off?" Charlie whisper-yelled. "You're supposed to be paying attention to me, not giving me girl wood."

"Oops, sorry," Ryan muttered, but Dean could sense she wasn't one bit sorry.

Charlie shot her a pointed look and began the ceremony.

Dean had to admit, he kind of zoned out during part of it. He was almost in shock. He just couldn't believe he was here, marrying the woman of his dreams. It didn't seem possible. How in hell did he ever get this lucky?

He felt Ryan squeeze his hand and he smiled at her as Charlie said, "These two crazy lovebirds have written their own vows."

Ryan cleared her throat and looked up at him. He could see tears in her eyes, but he knew, for once, they were happy tears. She swallowed hard and licked her lips before she began speaking; "Dean, I belong to you. I've belonged to you since the beginning of my life. Since before I even knew that I did. And that doesn't bother me. I'm glad I belong to you. Because, even if I didn't? I'd choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality we were thrust into, I'd find you, and I'd choose you. I love you. Always and forever, until I take my last dying breath, and beyond that into my eternity." She smiled. "So, I may not be your first love, your first kiss, first sight, or first date, but I plan on being your last everything."

He sucked in a breath. That one would be hard to top, but he knew what he needed to say, what she needed to hear. "I love you, Ryan. That means I'm not just here for the pretty parts. I'm here no matter what." He cleared his throat. "I'm not great with words. Not great with expressing my feelings, but I found a poem or whatever I'm going to steal by Christopher Poindexter; 'I admit, I was afraid to love. Not just love, but to love her. For she was a stunning mystery. She carried things deep inside her that no one had yet to understand, and, I was afraid to fall, like the others. She was the ocean and I was just a boy who loved the waves but was completely terrified to swim.'" He squeezed both her hands. "I have to say, if you had come to me at any other time in my life, I'm afraid I would have chickened out of this, would have completely screwed us both over because of my fear of the future. But now, it's the not knowing that makes me high. It's the thrill of eagerly anticipating what comes next, and I, for one, am so very glad I have you by my side. For now. Forever."

She all but leaped into his arms and he held her close as he kissed her for all he was worth. They both tuned everything out until Charlie's loud voice stated, "Dudes, we're not done yet!"

They pulled away with matching grins as the audience chuckled. Hope then spoke up. Ben was standing right beside her. "So, uh, here's the thing; picking a song for the two of you was hard."

"Hella hard," Ben agreed.

"We discussed. We bickered. We almost came to blows. I disabled his carburetor and he put a fish under the front seat of my car!"

The audience laughed again.

"It was tough," Ben stated. "I mean, we went round and round trying to find the perfect song for the two of you."

"Yeah, it wasn't easy. I mean, it seemed like every song I picked, Ben shot down."

"I was not letting you pick a song from a porn movie!"

Hope glared at him. "Fifty Shades of Grey was not a porn movie, and the song was really pretty!"

"Not just no, Hope."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "So, then, I wanted a Shania Twain song..."

"No country music."

She sighed. "So, I was going to do Holy Water, because, you know, tongue in cheek there, but I remembered I scarred Mom for life with Bad Company..."

"What?" Dean asked softly, but Ryan shivered and replied, "Don't ask."

"So finally, we came to a conclusion. There is no one right song. So many of them work. It just depends on the spin you want to put on it. And we just...we couldn't figure it out. So we had Kris print out a list of the songs we wanted, liked, thought were appropriate, and we blindly chose. And the one we finally came up with is kind of perfect. We just put our own little twist on it."

"So, just know, we love you guys, okay? And well, Paul McCartney rocks on occasion, too," Ben finished.

Dean watched Ryan's brows furrow for a moment before the music started and she smiled as Ben began singing;

_**Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time**_

_**Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you **_

Hope then sang,

_**Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time**_

_**Hung me on a line**_

_**Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you**_

Ben then continued it,

_**Baby I'm a man**_

_**And maybe I'm a lonely man **_

_**Who's in the middle of something **_

_**That he doesn't really understand...**_

_**Baby, I'm a man and baby, you're the only woman **_

_**Who could ever help me**_

_**Baby won't you help me understand? **_

The heavenly host could rock out, Dean had to hand it to them. One of those angels was doing a hell of a job on the guitar. Who knew?

Ben sang again,

_**Baby I'm a man**_

_**And maybe I'm a lonely man **_

_**Who's in the middle of something **_

_**That he doesn't really understand...**_

_**Baby, I'm a man and baby, you're the only woman **_

_**Who could ever help me**_

_**Baby won't you help me understand?**_

Hope was all smiles as she sang once more,

_**Baby I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time**_

_**Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you **_

_**Baby, I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song**_

_**Right me when I'm wrong**_

_**Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you **_

The music faded and Dean realized, they'd picked the perfect song. It really was the best song. He couldn't have done better, himself. Unless, maybe, he'd picked "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin, but he wouldn't complain.

He looked at Ryan, who bit her lip as she took the ring Charlie was handing her, grasped Dean's left hand, and slid the ring down his finger. He looked at it. It was a silver ring with the Batman emblem engraved in black. "My Dark Knight," Ryan murmured as she looked up at him from under her lashes.

He smiled as he slipped her Wonder Woman ring on her finger. "And my Wonder Woman. You're beautiful."

She blushed then and he smiled. He glanced at Charlie. "Are we done?"

Charlie rolled her eyes but stated loudly, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss her again, Dean."

He grabbed her around her waist and pulled her to him. "You're mine. All mine."

"I always was," she breathed just before his lips descended to hers.

* * *

**July Fourth**

**Ryan POV **

Ryan held in a sob as she finished filling the thermal tote and stuck it in her son's backpack. "Okay, you guys are all set..."

"Ryan," Dean began softly.

She shook her head and put on a smile. "Nah, you're good. You two need this."

"Mom, we're fine. We're just going to Purgatory."

She shot Gabriel a look. "You say that like you're taking a Sunday stroll."

The boy shrugged. "What's the difference? It's not like I can't get into trouble here on Earth. I proved that, didn't I?"

She glared at him. "That wasn't why I was upset, but now I'm upset for a different reason."

Gabriel's brows furrowed. "Why were you upset, anyway?"

She hugged him. He was inching up. He would be taller than his previous vessel soon and taller than her, too. "You're thirteen today, Gabe. You're a teenager. You're not a little boy anymore." She hugged him tighter and kissed his forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Mom. Don't worry. We'll be fine. Me and Dad will have a great time, won't we?"

Dean chortled. "Yeah. I haven't been to Purgatory in forever. Which sounds weird..."

"Me either. I can't wait to see Eve and see what she's done with the joint. And Benny's helping her! And..."

"And you two will have a great time. Jon's off having fun with Jesse and Hope, so I get to spend the whole day relaxing without you monsters bothering me."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dean asked softly.

She nodded. "I'm fine. Trust me."

"If you're sure..."

"I don't need a babysitter," she reminded him gently. She knew the two guys needed some bonding time. It would be good for them. "Go, have fun with your kids."

"Kids?"

Ryan smiled. She wasn't sure how he would do with meeting back up with Emma, but she felt sure Gabriel would want to talk to his older sister. "Hope might pop in, she'd said," Ryan told him. It wasn't a lie...Hope had considered it, but Ryan had told her the boys needed their time alone.

"Oh, okay. Well, I guess we'll go..."

"I packed you some snacks. And you've got your machete and knife and..."

"Mom, I'm good. Really. Come on," Gabriel groused.

She chortled. "Fine. Go on. Be gone with you, troublemakers. I'll see you eventually."

Dean grabbed her up in an intimate embrace. "Love you."

"Love you more," she vowed as she kissed him. "See you both soon." She watched as they both winked out of sight and she smiled. They would have fun. And so would she. It would be nice to have more than five minutes to herself.

She straightened up the kitchen, made herself a cup of iced tea, and grabbed her book before heading out onto the porch to sit in the rocker. She had been reading for about an hour when she heard a flutter of wings and Cas smiled at her. "Ryan."

Her brows furrowed but she stood and hugged the angel. "Cas! What are you doing here?"

"I wondered if perhaps you would like to take a trip."

"Me? A trip? Where?"

His smile was soft as he said, "To visit Tory in Heaven."

Her mouth fell open. "I can go...visit?!"

He inclined his head. "I think it would be fine. Would you like to? You may meet other people there as well. Tory had quite a network set up now. She and Ash have been quite busy..."

"Ash? She found Ash? Oh, wow! Yes, I'd love to."

He grasped her hand. "Great. Let's go."

She blinked and she was in... "The Roadhouse?"

"Sup!" Ash called from where he was working, hunched over a computer. "Nice job with the whole prophecy thing..."

She bit her lip to keep from crying and went to the man. "Ash! You look great."

He hugged her back but then gave her a little push. "I know you like you some Doctor Badass, but let's not go pissing off the King of Hell. Wouldn't want him thinking I was trying to get a piece of his wife or anything..."

Ryan laughed and looked around. "The place looks just like I remembered it. Are Ellen and Jo here?"

He nodded. "They're around somewhere. We'll find them in time. For now, I need..."

Just then, the door blew open and Tory walked in. "Damn it, Ash, don't send me on fools errands!"

Ash just grinned and shrugged. "We've got company. Bitch at me later."

"I'll bitch at you anytime I want," Tory groused, but she looked at Ryan and smiled. "Cas did it! He said he would, but..." She ran over and gave Ryan a huge hug. "I can't believe you're here!"

Ryan hugged her back as hard as she could. "Me too! I couldn't believe it when Cas wanted to bring me here. I've only been here twice. Once when I died, and then once when we had Hope's trial. But now I get to come have fun with my friend."

"So? What do you want to do?"

Ryan shrugged. "Honestly, I'm good with having a beer here in the roadhouse."

"Done!" Ash declared with a slap to the table. "I'm on it." He walked behind the bar and started rummaging around.

"So...how's life, or death, I guess?" Ryan began.

Tory shrugged. "It's good. Peaceful. But enough about me. Tell me about the proposal, the wedding, I want it all in extremely accurate, leave out nothing, gross me out the door and gag me with a spoon, description."

Ryan chortled, took a sip of the beer Ash had sat before her, and began telling about Dean.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He glanced at his son. "You ready?"

"Dude. I'm always ready."

Dean chuckled and opened the door. They arrived in the wooded area and Dean's senses were quickly on alert. "You know you're a beacon, right? The angel grace makes you an easy target."

The boy looked at him and dropped an impressive set of fangs. His eyes narrowed at Dean a moment before he retracted his second set of teeth. "And I'm part vampire in here, too. Don't forget that."

"Man, that's kind of awesome," Dean told him. He'd not seen his son's fangs yet. Gabriel hadn't tried vamping out on Earth. They were afraid what he might do. Dean knew, in time, they'd have to start letting him train with the vampire side of him, too, but for now, the angel grace seemed to be enough. "So, what's on the agenda?"

"First, we go to the garden..."

"The...garden?"

Gabriel nodded. "Eve's private domain. It's secluded and warded. No monsters can get in unless she lets them. I am, of course, an exception to that rule."

Dean's eyebrow shot up. "Look, I know you're...hormonal right now, but I'm not letting you pop your cherry while we're here. Your mom would kill us both."

Gabriel shot him a look. "Not that I'm not interested in doing that very thing, but there's no way in your sweet hell I'm doing that while my dad is in earshot!"

Dean chuckled and slung his arm around Gabriel's shoulders. "Come on. Let's go check on your evil princess."

They walked along a bit just relishing the quiet. They were both wary, though. They'd both been here. Both of them knew what could happen if they weren't on high alert. "So, Gabe, tell me, what's the deal with you and Eve? I thought you had the hots for Kali once upon a time."

The boy sighed. "Kali...that's complicated."

"Dude. I'm the king of Hell. Complicated is my forte."

Gabriel shrugged. "I liked Kali. I didn't want to see Lucifer kill her. It didn't mean I was in love with her. It was just one of those things. I denied I was in love with Eve for a long time, then, it was too late."

"And now you've got another chance. Looks like we're both lucky."

Gabriel smiled. "Yeah, we are."

"So...look, I'm not going to babysit you like your mom and Sam did. You're an angel. You're part vampire. I'm gonna let you fight. I'll step in before you get hurt, but I want you to get a taste for what it's like, you know?"

Gabe's grin grew. "See? This is why I knew today was going to be awesome."

Dean's lip quirked. "You say that now. Let's see how you feel when you're exhausted after you've worked all day. Purgatory...it's pure because you rely on your instincts only, but at the same time, it's one of the toughest places I've ever been."

The boy rubbed his hands together. "Bring it."

They walked along together for a while yet before Dean's spidey senses started tingling. Evil could always sense evil, and his demon side could feel the monsters approaching. Gabriel, too, seemed to sense them, because his back stiffened. Dean stopped and waited. Gabriel glanced up at him. Dean smiled. "It's your show."

The boy was all smiles as he pulled out his machete, walked a few paces ahead of Dean, and waited.

Dean stood back and watched as three vampires attacked his boy. And the pride he felt as Gabriel began the fight was almost palpable. His whole heart swelled. He would never want a child of his to fight this fight, not even an angel/vampire hybrid, but he couldn't deny the boy was one hell of a fighter.

"He's grown," Dean heard behind him.

He turned quickly, knife raised, but dropped his arm in shock as he saw his friend, Benny. "Benny!" he exclaimed as he wrapped the vampire in a hug.

"The king of Hell, coming to pay Purgatory a little visit. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Dean inclined his head toward Gabriel. "Just letting the boy come and learn a few things."

"So I take it you know the truth now?"

Dean shot him a look. "Was everyone in on it?"

"Well, there won't exactly any denying he was yours, Dean. Kid looks like ya."

Dean snorted. "You think he does, you should see the little one."

"I bet. So, how you been?"

Dean shrugged. "Eh, you know, busy, evil, dead. What else is new?"

Benny laughed. "Damn, it is good to see you."

They hugged again just as Gabriel walked up. "Good job, son," Dean told him with a smile.

The boy's eyes were shining. "Thanks! They weren't very good. Must be noobs."

"Noobs?" Dean questioned.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Newbies."

"Ah. I see."

Gabriel looked at Benny and held out a hand for him to shake. "Benny, sir."

Benny inclined his head. "Pretty sure I should be calling the boy king of Purgatory 'sir' not the other way around."

Gabriel's eyes lit with mischief. "Oh, my mama always taught me to respect my elders."

Benny shot him a look. "And in my day, we hauled little brats over our knees and spanked their butts."

Gabriel chortled. "My butt's been fired up by Mama's switch a time or two."

Dean watched their exchange with mirth. Benny had a southern accent and when Gabriel talked to him, Dean noticed some of Ryan's dialect dipping into Gabriel's speech. It was funny.

"You coming to visit the Queen?" Benny asked of Dean.

Dean shook his head. "No. There may not be any love lost between me and Eve. I did, after all, kill her."

"But your my dad. I think she'll be forgiving. In time, anyway."

Dean grinned. "Yeah, well, let's not place any bets on it."

They walked along together for a time. "So, Dean, I gotta come clean about something," Benny stated.

Dean blinked. "What?"

"I, uh...I..." The vampire looked uncomfortable.

Dean shot a glance at Gabriel, who just grinned and shrugged. "What is it, Benny?"

"Me and your girl? We got a little fling going on."

Dean's brow's furrowed. "You and Hope?"

Benny chuckled. "Nah. I've never met her. Your other girl."

"My other...?" Just then, a flash of blonde hair came and with a shriek, attached herself to Gabriel.

Dean blinked as the boy hugged her tightly. "Hey, sis! What's up?"

"Sis...?" Dean managed before he got a glimpse of the girl's face. "Emma?"

She stood straight and blinked. "Daddy?"

If Dean had been human, he was fairly certain that would have been the moment he checked out. As it was, though, he sucked in a breath. "Emma. You...you're..." he glanced at her hand which had woven itself in Benny's. "DUDE! My daughter?!"

Benny grimaced. "Well, it just kind of happened. Emma and I are personal guards to the Queen and her garden and..."

"And it's weird, we know, an Amazon and a Vampire, but we're making it work," Emma finished defiantly.

His eyebrow rose. "Isn't he a little old for you, Emma?"

She shrugged. "We're all dead anyway. What difference does age make?"

Dean didn't have a comeback for that. "So..."

"So..."

"So..."

"So, I'm ready to hit the road. Everyone's all acquainted now. I want to go fight some more and then go find Eve," Gabriel stated as he began walking away.

Dean glanced at Emma and Benny before he shrugged and began following his son. They walked in a strained silence for a little while before Dean cleared his throat. "Okay, so, forget the weird. It's not like I'm father of the century over here. Emma's grown. Benny, you're grown. You're both stuck in Purgatory...it's all good. So, tell me about Eve. I know I'll have to meet up with her and I'm not expecting a warm reception."

Benny chuckled. "You could say that. She's not going to be thrilled with your arrival, but she'll tolerate you because you brought Gabriel."

The boy grinned. "That's my girl."

Dean shot him a look. "Alright, alright, she's your girl. Do you forget the havoc she wrecked when she was on Earth last time?"

"Well, I couldn't exactly do anything about it. I was in Ryan's body. And I promised her I wouldn't take her over, and I didn't. So...what did you want me to do? I couldn't have Mom see you because then you two would have...you know, and I couldn't be born yet. So, I had to keep her away." He smiled. "Besides, I knew you and Sam would figure out a way to take care of her, get her back to Purgatory. And the phoenix ashes? Brilliant, by the way."

"How did you get her back to Purgatory the first time?" Dean wanted to know.

The boy just gave him the Winchester smirk. "Oh, I'm very persuasive."

Dean grimaced and shivered. "Ugh. I hate I asked."

They continued walking down a path Dean hadn't noticed the last time he was in Purgatory, and into an area he'd never been before. "How come we never went this way when we were here last?" Dean asked Benny.

Benny shook his head. "Not many people travel this path. If they do, they don't come back. Eve...well, let's just say she isn't exactly nice to her children when they misbehave."

Dean's eyebrow popped. "And this is the chick you love?" he inquired to his son.

The boy just smiled. "You can't help who you love. Ask Mom."

Dean glance down at his wedding ring and nodded. The kid had a point.

They came upon a gate and Dean tried to open it. "It won't open for you. It won't open for anyone," Benny told him. "We wait for her to come to us."

"Some of us do," Gabriel commented, muttered a word or two in a language Dean didn't recognize, and he walked through, shutting the gate behind him.

"Gabe! Robert Gabriel Winchester!" Dean shouted. "Come back here!"

"I'll be back in a few hours. Visit with Emma and Benny!" Gabriel shouted, though a mist had gathered and swallowed him. "I'll be fine. Don't worry. She can't kill me. She wouldn't want to."

"Don't bet on it. You're a man. She's a woman."

The boy's laughter could be heard as it grew farther and farther away.

"Son of a bitch! Ryan will kill me if I don't bring him back."

Benny laughed. "So, the king of Hell is worried about a woman."

Dean smiled. "When she's Ryan Fawcett Winchester, yes."

"You married her," Benny stated.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I did."

Emma gave him a hug. "I'm so happy for you. You seemed so unhappy the time we met."

Dean smiled at her sadly. "Well, in my defense, I had a daughter one minute, and the next, I didn't. I'm so sorry, Emma. There was nothing fair about your life."

She shrugged. "There was nothing fair about yours, either, Daddy. It's fine. I'm...I'm okay. In the beginning, it was tough, but now, with Benny, being Eve's personal guard..."

"Why does she need a guard? Isn't she the strongest creature here?"

The two shook their heads. "There's one here who would love to usurp her. I'm sure you can imagine who it is. After all, you sent him here."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Dick Roman."

Benny nodded. "He's keeping a low profile, but he'll always be trouble. That's why we'll be glad when Gabriel comes back in a more official capacity. He'll keep Dick at bay."

"That oily bastard has been a thorn in our sides for a long ass time," Dean growled.

"And he will be for eternity. But what can you do? You deal with it."

They walked over to a small outcropping of trees and sat. "So, I guess we're here until Gabe decides to quit playing house. Tell us about your life, Dean. Emma only knows stories she's heard from me and they're precious few."

Dean smiled at his daughter, who had grasped his hand. It was weird. He'd always thought of Hope as his only daughter, yet, it had taken his heart no time at all to make room for the girl. It was clear she was eager for his affection. "How far back do you want me to go?"

"Tell me about your love story, Dad. Tell me about the woman that captured your heart."

Dean chortled. "Well, apparently, that one goes back a ways. And Gabriel's at the center of it."

Emma let out a little squeal and clapped her hands together. Dean's smile grew as he began to talk...

* * *

Dean didn't know how much time had passed, but it had felt like an eternity before Benny and Emma stood abruptly. "What...?" he began, but then they both knelt on one knee, their heads bent, their weapons extended in their hands, handles out.

Dean stood and looked at them in confusion before he heard a soft, "Dean Winchester."

He glanced at the young woman by Gabriel's side. She might have had an inch on Gabriel, but they looked close to the same age. Of course, Gabriel didn't exactly look thirteen, either. He'd noticed the boy looking older than his age, and wondered if that was the angel in him, or what. "Eve," he stated stiffly. He watched as she laid a gentle hand on first Benny, then Emma's necks before they rose.

"Thank you, Dean, for bringing my lover back to me today."

Dean's eyebrow popped and Gabriel gave him a sheepish smile. Dean's eyes narrowed at the boy, who shrugged. Dean then rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Eve. "Yeah, no problem. We came for a sightseeing tour. I'm glad he got to see you. He was kind of excited about it."

"Dad!" Gabe hissed, embarrassment staining the apples of his cheeks.

Dean smirked at that. _Nice to know I can embarrass the boy. Now I really feel like a father. _The thought was a pleasant one. "So...look, sorry I killed you. But you were out of control."

"We could have easily come to an agreement had you been in a better mindset, had Gabriel been with you, but you were not ready to listen to me."

Dean nodded. "You're right, I wasn't."

"And now?" she inquired.

He blew out a breath. "Now you're Gabe's problem. I have faith in him that he won't let his emotions get the best of him. If he thinks you're screwing up, I know he'll do the right thing for everybody, even if it means breaking his own heart."

"I will behave," she promised. "I have finally gotten him back. I will not betray his trust."

Dean inclined his head. "Good. Because if you do, I know he'll cut you down. And just because you rule here, don't think he can't find a way to destroy you." He paused before he added, "I sent you back here, Eve, but I can find a way to make your death permanent if you hurt him."

"Here we go," Gabriel muttered under his breath.

Dean shot him a look. "I know you're an angel, Gabe. I know you've got your memories. But you're a Winchester. You're my son. It's my job to look after you."

"You do realize she has more mojo than you, right?"

Dean smirked. "She might. But then, she might not. I'm not going to start anything, Eve, I swear it. Just be forewarned, okay?"

She gave him a little bow, "Of course. And as Gabriel wishes me to respect you, I will do so. Truthfully, I always respected you, Dean. You were one of mine for a time, and you have brought Gabriel back to me with a vessel of my children. You have linked us together, and for that, I will forever be grateful."

Dean just looked at her. "Uh...thanks?"

Eve smiled. "Now, I believe you have work to attend and then you must travel back to Earth." She placed a chaste kiss on Gabriel's lips before she turned and walked away.

Dean looked at his son. "Really? You're into hippie chicks?"

The boy just shrugged again. "What can I say? The sixties were an excellent time to be alive."

Dean just laughed.

* * *

As the midnight hour approached, the two appeared on Ryan's porch steps. "So...you gonna tell Mom?"

"That you went in there a boy and came out a man? No thanks. She'd find a way to smite my ass and I'm kind of in a happy place right now."

Gabriel laughed. "I really didn't intend for that to happen..."

Dean just shot him a look.

"Okay, I hoped it would happen, but still, I didn't intend for it to."

Dean cleared his throat. "So, uh, I realize I probably should have mentioned this before, and I'm sure you've had the birds and bees talk and since she's in Purgatory, and a monster, I'm to assume birth control won't be an issue, but, uh, do you have any questions?"

Gabriel looked at him a moment with a sincere gaze, and it almost had a sad tinge to it. "No, Sam helped me there, after the first time I met back up with Eve in this vessel. But I did want to say thank you, for being there today. I know we aren't exactly close, but...today was terrific. And not just because I got to sneak off and have sex..."

Dean winced. "Dude."

Gabriel chuckled under his breath. "Today was awesome because you..." The boy shook his head and appeared to change tack. "It occurred to me you're really my dad, you know? I mean, Sam's always been there, for as long as I can remember in this body, but you are my dad. I'm sorry I acted like such a douche the first time around. And the second. Maybe if I had tried talking to you instead of bullying you, we'd have come to a better understanding."

"One question, Gabriel."

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you want me to know about Hope? About you? Why didn't you want me and Ryan together? If you say you didn't hate me, didn't want me miserable, didn't want Ryan miserable, then, why?"

Gabriel smiled sadly. "Because, I knew the wheels were in motion. If Mom had come to you, your love for her would have outweighed the risks. The two of you would have gotten together."

"But if we had..."

"If you had, Azazel still would have found a way to get to Sam. And if you hadn't been with him, hadn't forged that bond even stronger than it already was, Sam would have never fought off Lucifer. And if he hadn't, you've have felt obligated to say yes to Michael."

"Would that have been better?"

Gabriel shook his head. "Not for me. And not for the planet. The three of us had to be born from the two of you. It's how the prophecies work."

"I used to think people didn't have a destiny, that they could always change it."

"The destiny is yours if you own it. I always knew you'd say no to Michael. Just like I always knew you'd win."

"Why?"

The boy grinned. "Because, that's your style. And it's my style. And we can argue about it all we want, but the fact of the matter is, we're a lot alike. And that's when I finally realized what it meant, what I had to do."

"How many times did you go back and tweak the timelines? Make it right?"

Gabriel sighed. "More often than I'd care to admit. Dude, when I was given this job, I thought it was going to be a pleasure cruise. How wrong I was."

"And now? Are we on the right track?"

"For now," Gabe conceded.

"What does that mean?"

The angel boy just shrugged again. "I don't know. Taking this vessel, linking myself to it as I did, it limits me. I've just got to ride it out for now."

Dean nodded. "Okay. I trust you."

"Do you? Why?"

Dean smiled. "Because, like you said. We're a lot alike."

The boy flung his arms around Dean. "Thanks, Dad."

Dean hugged him back hard. "Thank you, Gabriel. I love you, bud."

Dean could see tears sparkling in the boy's eyes as he pulled away. "I love you, too."

Dean cleared his throat. "Okay, now that the Lifetime movie moment is over, let's go get some pie."

Gabriel smiled and nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me."

They walked in together to find Ryan pouring a glass of wine. "It's about time you two vagabonds came back. Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"We could use some pie?" Gabriel inquired as he sat on the barstool. Dean joined him, sitting next to him on the other vacant stool.

Ryan nodded. "Pie. Coming up."

Gabriel cocked his head to the side, as if he were listening for something. "Where's Jon? He's not home?"

"Jesse took him on a field trip and tired him out. They're bringing him back in the morning."

"Good. I miss him."

Ryan smiled softly as she put the pie down on the counter and cut two huge slices for them. "So...get into any trouble today?"

Gabriel and Dean just shared a look and both gave her an innocent smile

* * *

**AN2: Hope you all enjoyed! I know the wedding was brief, but I didn't feel we needed a long, drawn out affair. The next chapter we start doing some time jumps...we are nearing the end of this act of the story, moving on to the fourth act. And boy, is the end of this one a doozy! Until next time! J**


	34. Out of the Black

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I wish I did. If so, I would be friends with Jensen and Jared. But, alas...**

**Author's Note: Okay, I lied. I didn't mean to, but I forgot...you've got this heartbreaking chapter before the time jump chapter. Gah, these next few chapters are just...they're pretty damn good, in my opinion. So...this chapter starts out cute, gets really, REALLY dark, then fun by the end. Prepare for the roller coaster...**

* * *

**October Thirty First**

**Ryan POV**

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" she heard as Jonathan ran down the stairs.

She smiled at Dean and nonchalantly sipped her coffee.

"Mom!"

"I'm right here, sugar. You didn't have to yell. Yes?"

"It's October Thirty First!"

Ryan nodded. "It is indeed."

The boy pouted. "It's a special day."

Ryan pretended to think, then nodded once more. "You're right. It is." The boy had an excited face on but Ryan added, "Today is Halloween."

Jon's face fell and Ryan had to clear her throat so she didn't chuckle.

"But, Mama, it's something else!"

Ryan's brows furrowed. "It is? Hmmm...let me think. You know, I'm getting on up in years. My memory isn't what it once was. Let's see..." She stood and began pacing as she pretended to think. "Let's see. I seem to remember Halloween being quite memorable once."

"You do?"

She nodded. "Yes. I dressed as Wonder Woman one time. It was awesome."

"Mooooom," Jonathan whined.

Her lips quirked. "Okay, okay, that wasn't it. Let's see..." she looked at him and her eyebrow rose. "Why, I think it had something to do with you!"

The boy smiled. "Yes! You're right! What is it?"

"Hmmm," she mused as she began walking around him, looking at him, inspecting him. "Yes. It definitely had something to do with you. I seem to remember one night, about ten years ago, being in the bunker, cold, scared, alone..."

Dean shot her a flat look and she winked. "Okay, so, I wasn't cold or alone for long. Then I saw it..."

"What, Mama?" Jon breathed.

"A blade. Not just any blade, no, it was The First Blade. The great warrior, Castiel, had been keeping it safe, protecting it at the bunker. It's power seemed to draw me in. At first, I was afraid. I was petrified..."

Dean cleared his throat and crossed his arms.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Okay, I wasn't that either. But the blade did call to me. It was an extension of your father. I was curious. I had to touch it."

"Yeah, and?!" the boy implored.

"So, I lifted its glass box lid, and I touched it!"

"Then what happened?!"

Ryan smiled. "And then, after hours of pain and suffering, dying and being brought back, I had one of the greatest gifts of my life." Ryan pulled him to her for a hug. "Happy birthday, my baby boy."

The boy looked up at her. "You're a great storyteller, Mama."

She smiled and kissed his forehead. He was already almost as tall as Gabriel. He would be taller than his older brother before they knew it. It reminded her pointedly of someone else. The two mirrored Sam and Dean in some ways, but in others, they were polar opposites. Nature versus nurture indeed.

"Happy birthday, dude," Dean told him as he approached for a hug as well. "We've got a busy day planned."

Ryan worried her lip. This wasn't her idea of fun, but she and Dean, as well as Sam and Hope, had argued both sides of the case. Jon had no idea what his day included. She could only hope it would work out for the best. "Come on, let's have some birthday breakfast, then we're starting our day, alright?"

"YES!" he crowed.

* * *

"I'm not thrilled," Ryan told Dean once more as they prepared. They'd done the birthday party, they'd trick-or-treated, and now, they were preparing for the journey.

"Well, we agreed, Ryan. He's got to know."

"Yeah, but taking him to Hell?"

"He's ten. He's a cambion. He knows his dad is the King of Hell. He's going to have to go eventually. He's the future ruler."

"But he's just a baby..."

"He's ten, Ryan, and he's older than that already. He's smart, so smart, just like Hope and Gabriel, he's already doing high school work and he's only got a precious short time to enjoy his life."

"Exactly. Which is why he doesn't need to go!"

Dean crossed the bedroom to her and grasped both her shoulders. "Look, I know this isn't how you'd like for him to spend his tenth birthday, but it's important for him. You let Gabriel go to Purgatory when he was eight. Jon's due this."

"Gabriel was an angel. He had the mojo. But down in Hell..."

"In Hell, Jon will be even stronger. Besides, it isn't like we don't have an entourage going, okay? Forget the fact I'm the king there and no one would attack me and my kid on my home turf, but we'll have Jesse and Gabriel there along with us."

"I've changed my mind. I'm going."

"Ryan..."

"Hear me out, Dean. Yes, I know, he's yours and you love him so very much, but I've been looking after that boy since he was born and nine months before! I deserve to go."

"Don't you think keeping you away from Lucifer might be for the best?" he stated, not unkindly.

She nodded. "You're right. And when he goes down to see the cage, if he goes, I'll sit in your office and wait. I just...I need to be there, Dean."

Dean blew out a breath. "I don't like it."

"Not asking you to like it," she stated flatly.

He nodded. "Alright, but you're having your own personal guard. Meg will stay on your ass the whole time we're there. I'm pulling her off her usual duties so she can watch you like a hawk."

Ryan smiled. "Fine. I'll take a babysitter."

Dean looked her in the eye. "I only want you safe, Ryan. Don't you understand that? You're what keeps me human. I need that."

"You've got it," she breathed as she hugged him tightly.

He kissed her hair. "Please be safe down there, alright?"

"I will. You worry too much." She pulled away from him and turned to walk out of the room.

But she still heard him say under his breath, "I'm afraid I don't worry enough."

She shook her head and walked down the stairs. She would be fine. Between Gabriel and Dean, she hadn't had another bout of demonism in forever. She was as golden as she was going to get. "Okay, everyone ready?" She glanced around. In addition to Jon and Jesse, Gabriel was accompanying them. He didn't want Jon to go 'by himself' and Ryan had to admit, it was cute. Hope had business in Heaven, but she would be coming down and joining them later. They were just going to sight-see, they weren't planning on staying long.

"Okay, listen," Dean stated as he walked down the stairs. "The first rule of Hell? Always do as the king says. And hey, look at that; I'M the king there, so always do what I say. Period. Don't think you're cute or smart, this place isn't somewhere to mess around. And unlike Purgatory, monsters down there don't try to kill you bodily, they mess with your heads. Stick with me, stick to the hallways, and whatever you do, don't go in any doors unless I say so, alright? Now, this is a trip for Jesse and Jon both to see what's what since they're going there eventually. So...just stay aware, alright?"

Ryan sucked in a breath and blew it out. They could do this, right? Everything would work out, wouldn't it?

"Now, I've got another back door you can all take so we don't have to go through Purgatory. Meg's waiting at the other end. Stay together, please. I don't need to go traipsing all over Hell trying to find you, alright?"

"We're not children, Dad," Gabriel groused.

"Would you like to stay behind then?" Dean growled.

The boy's eyes widened. Ryan had noticed the bond between father and son had dramatically improved and she was glad Gabriel was finally deciding to show Dean some respect. "No, sir," Gabriel told him. "I just wanted to point out..."

Dean just looked at him.

Gabriel cleared his throat. "Never mind. Always eager to do as the good captain says."

Dean's eyebrow rose and he gave Gabriel a wary glance before he looked at Ryan. "Okay, I'll take your mom. You other three, follow me." Ryan closed her eyes. She really didn't like flying demon air. "You okay?" Dean breathed into her ear as she felt his arm go around her waist.

"Yeah. I'm good."

"Okay, then open your eyes. We're here."

She blinked open her eyes and looked to see Meg waiting. "Hi, Meg," Ryan told the demon.

Meg grinned. "Hi. So, looks like I'm your babysitter today."

Ryan chuckled and grinned. "Looks like."

"Okay, you guys," Dean stated and Ryan quickly did a head count. Two cambions and one angel were standing with them. Good. "You good?"

"Dad?" Jon questioned softly. "What is that I feel?"

Dean bowed at the waist so he could look into his son's eyes. "That's the power of Hell. I bet Jesse feels it, too, don't you Jesse?"

Jesse nodded hesitantly.

"The demon within you feels it and yearns for the power. You need to own it now and accept it and lord over it, okay? It's what separates you and Jess from the monsters down here, alright? You're using your powers for good, not evil. It makes a difference."

The boy nodded and swallowed hard. Dean grasped his son's hand. "You're okay. I promise. I'll protect you from the bad stuff, alright?"

Jon just nodded in silence once more.

"You'll be more powerful here," Dean commented. "Sort of like Gabriel's vampire side in Purgatory. The demon will be more prevalent, but not impossible to control." His eyes lit to Ryan. "You okay?" he mouthed.

She didn't feel any differently besides the nausea of flying demon air, so she assumed so. She nodded and gave him a smile. She saw him visibly relax as he gave her a half smile and said, "If that's all, come on and follow me."

They all set off after Dean as he explained a bit about Hell and the different levels of it. He told which level held what and led them to the elevator. It buzzed to a stop and Dean smirked. "Here we have admissions. This is Bela's floor."

"How come we don't see Bela much?" Jon piped up.

Dean looked down at him and shrugged. "Bela enjoys being down here. She's not really comfortable around families, not like Meg is.

Meg smiled at the boy. "When I was human, I had a family a lot like yours. Bela, she didn't have a great childhood. It makes her uncomfortable around you guys."

"We shouldn't bother her then," Jon stated sagely.

"Are you sure?" Dean inquired.

The boy nodded. "The souls come here first, get sorted by their transgressions, they get sent to Meg, right?"

Meg snorted. "He's already smarter than you, Dean."

"Shut up," Dean commanded playfully. He glanced at his son. "Alright, smarty-pants. Back on the elevator then."

Ryan caught Dean glancing at her as the door shut. "I'm fine," she mouthed to him. Truthfully, she really wasn't feeling good, but she'd be damned if she'd tell him and worry him more. She wasn't prone to bouts of motion sickness, but she knew traveling with demons or angels could throw someone off their game.

The elevator stopped and Meg smiled proudly. "This is my floor. Torture."

"Meg's our master craftsman, er, woman, at torture. She's the head of it," Dean chimed in.

"Is that bad, Meg?" Jon asked. "Do you like it?"

Meg thought a moment. "Well, Jon, see, it's like this; me and your dad? We were trained under someone who wasn't nice. At all. That meant he showed us some of the worst things you could possibly imagine and then some. However, because of that, I realized a better way to do things."

"How?"

She just smiled. "I'll tell you when you're older."

Ryan chuckled at that.

Jon wanted to see Meg's office, so Meg eagerly took him by the hand and walked him down the hall, Gabriel trailing behind them. Ryan wondered exactly what Meg's office might look like, and if it was the right place for her ten year old, but Dean's hand worked its way into hers and squeezed. "You okay?"

Ryan had started feeling even more nauseated on the elevator ride as something occurred to her. "Is he here? On this hall?"

Dean apparently didn't need to ask who she was talking about. He knew she was talking about Raeburn. "Fifth door on the right," he stated.

"Can I see him?"

"Is that wise?" Dean asked softly. "I mean, he tortured and raped you, Ryan. He's getting his. Do you need to see him? He's crafty. He fucks with your head."

She shivered and felt the bile rise from her stomach. She forced herself to take a deep breath. "No, you're right. I don't need to see him."

Dean nodded. "Okay then."

Jesse had been watching the two of them silently and offered Ryan a small smile. "Want me to do it for you?" Jesse inquired.

Ryan's heart warmed. "No, Jess. Thanks though. I believe Dean when he says Raeburn is getting his. Meg's very...thorough."

Dean cleared his throat. "I should say so. You should see what she did to..." He cut himself off as his sons and Meg came back. "Never mind."

Ryan's eyebrow popped but she remained silent as Dean continued their tour.

What seemed like forever to Ryan later, they wound up back at what she would consider 'management level' and back at Dean's office. "So, Jon, what do you think?"

The boy shrugged. "It's...cool, I guess. I mean, it's kinda not anything special to look at, is it?"

Dean chortled. "Yeah, that was kind of my reaction, too."

Ryan did a head count and noticed... "Dean? Where's Gabriel?"

Dean blinked. "Huh?"

"Gabriel. Our middle child? The angel/vampire one? He's not here."

They looked at one another and then at Jon. "Where did he go?" Ryan demanded.

The boy swallowed hard. "He, uh, he said he needed to go see his angel brothers, needed to show them he was alive. Needed to prove to them who was smarter..."

"Son of a bitch," Dean muttered under his breath. He looked at Jesse. "Jess, take Jon topside."

"But, Dad!"

Dean shook his head. "No buts, Jon. We said we'd bring you on a tour, and you got to see it. Now, go."

Jesse grasped Jon's hand and the two disappeared. Dean grabbed The First Blade from its perch on his credenza and moved to the door. When Ryan followed him, he barked, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm coming with you."

"Like hell you are."

"That's our son down there with that...that monster!"

"And I'm gonna go get him."

"Dean..."

"Ryan, it was a mistake to bring you here, but to let you near Lucifer? Are you crazy? There's no way I'm handing him Apocalypse 2.0 on a silver platter. No, your ass is sitting right here and you're waiting for me until I get back. Understand?"

She bit her lip and nodded as a tear traveled down her cheek. "You'll bring him back? He'll be okay?"

"Hopefully he's smart enough to know not to go near the cage. It's got holy fire all around it. He's not that big of an idiot, is he?"

Ryan smiled despite herself. "Well, he is your son."

"Ha, ha, ha." He kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back with him."

"Be careful," she implored. She watched him walk out the door and took a stuttering breath. She glanced around the room. It was utilitarian, with no personal touches whatsoever besides the vinyl records and record player in the corner. She was almost surprised there weren't pictures of the kids, but she knew demons would potentially use them as leverage, so she felt sure it was just another layer of protection Dean was providing them.

She wrung her hands and sat in the wing back chair in front of his desk, her foot tapping on the floor at what felt like a million beats a second, right in time with her heartbeat. She took in short breaths and felt herself beginning to hyperventilate. She sat like that for about thirty seconds before she was up and at the door. "Fuck this," she muttered as she opened it and walked out into the corridor. She needed to go help her son. Now.

She made it to the elevator and tried to recall which button to push to take her down to the cage. She'd only been there once, so she couldn't remember. But she did remember the button with the T on it was for Tortures. Maybe Meg would help her out. She punched the button and felt the elevator moving. It pinged to a stop and she glanced out into the long hallway. Meg's door seemed like it was a mile away as she began walking.

She passed by closed doors hearing wailing, whimpering, and screams. She was almost to the end of the hall when a voice called out, "I would know that smell anywhere."

She swallowed hard. The sound was coming from the fifth door on the right. Raeburn's cell. Her heart warred with her brain as her feet automatically took her to the door. She glanced inside. It was as bright as a sunny day in the room. She could see him trussed up on a cage-like table. She watched him as he took a long, almost indecent sniff of the air. "Ah, yes, honeysuckle and desperation. What a lovely combination. Come along, Ryan. Don't you want to play with me?"

Her eyes narrowed as an all consuming rage overtook her and before she knew it, she was standing inside the room, staring at him.

He smiled. "Well, well, well, what an honor."

Her lip curled in disgust as she spat, "You bastard! You ruined my life!"

He smiled. "Must we do this same song and dance? Come along. Surely you must see how much I enriched your life. After all, I gave you a great gift that night. You survived. I'm like the villain that by hurting the hero, helps them find their inner strength."

Ryan's hands brushed over the table filled with torture devices and she picked up the long knife, the one so similar to what he had destroyed her with. "Oh no, I don't think so. See, I was destined for something great long before you came along."

The demon sneered at her. "Is that what you think? Did it ever occur to you I came to you because of your destiny? Perhaps your little angel sent me to destroy you. So he could help rebuild you for his own gain. His ploy to get back at his brothers, at his Father, all culminated in your destruction. Once you were as low as you could go, he could be the one to restore you. He could be the one to bring you back to glory. He would be the one you would run to time and again. No, I lied before. It wasn't Lucifer that sent me. It was your precious Gabriel."

"LIAR!" she shouted as she ran to him and began stabbing.

* * *

**Dean POV**

"What in the fuck do you think you're doing?" Dean bellowed as he stepped from the elevator. There his son was, standing before the cage, arrogance all too evident in his stance. "Damn it, Gabriel!"

He heard Lucifer chuckle. "Of course, why am I not surprised? You really chose this particular hairless ape to be your earthly father? My, how the mighty have fallen."

"Shut up, Luci!" Gabriel shouted, his fists clenching. "I won, you bastard."

"Did you now?" Lucifer replied, his tone thick with condescension. "Because, if my senses are still working, and I believe they are, my savior is here. In hell. And she's not where she should be."

Dean felt his heart drop into his stomach. "What?"

Lucifer cackled under his breath. "Dean, Dean, Dean, it's like I told you time and again. I win. So, I win. It matters not that it isn't your brother. Your family will still lead to my return. And then, I will not be quite so merciful."

"You stay away from my family."

"If it will make you feel better, I swear, Samuel Winchester and his children, and his lovely wife will remain safe from me, once I am out."

"You shut your mouth, you son of a bitch."

Lucifer chuckled once more. "Veiled threats. You can do nothing to me, Dean. Not even that measly little blade in your hand can stop me. I gave Cain that mark. And I can take it away from you. There is nothing that can stop me."

"I can," Gabriel spoke up, his eyes lighting angel blue.

Lucifer smiled. "Why, little brother, you don't stand a chance against me."

"I beat you before."

"No, you ran away, you cowardly little lion! You never bested me. No one can beat me. No one."

"Sam did, once upon a time."

"Sam is worthless now. I would not go after him because of his purified blood. He is nothing to me anymore. I care not that he still has some of my grace. It is worthless within him. He is ruined for me. But Ryan, dear, sweet Ryan, she is just ready and waiting for the sign. And she is as succulent as a ripe strawberry upon the vine. Reddening in the sunlight, sweetening in the rich soil...it will not be long and it will be her time." Lucifer smiled. "Perhaps even today..."

Dean swallowed as he grabbed Gabriel's shoulder and pulled him toward the elevator.

"Dad!" the boy yelled petulantly.

"Damn it, Gabe! Get your head out of your ass! If Ryan isn't where she's supposed to be, which is in my office, then where in Hell, literally, is she?!"

The boy's eyes widened in awareness and Dean nodded. "Exactly."

He punched the button on the elevator and they went back up to his office, where, not surprisingly, Ryan wasn't waiting for him. "SON OF A BITCH!" he shouted as he punched the wall.

"Okay, calm down, Dad. I'm sure she's just...she went to the bathroom?"

"This is Hell, son, we don't take piss breaks!"

Gabriel blinked. "Okay, so...she's..."

"She's gone looking after you," Dean growled.

"But there's only one way to the cage. And she didn't go down there while we were down there. And she didn't come down when we were heading up. There's only one elevator. So...where did she go?"

Just then, he felt it, Meg was calling, no, screaming for him. "Torture," he murmured as he hurried to the Torture level, Gabriel hot on his heels.

Dean all but skidded to a halt after he ran down the hall toward Meg. "Meg?"

The demon looked terrified. "She's...Dean, she's in there. I locked her in."

"With Raeburn?! Are you crazy or just stupid!?"

"Look for yourself..."

Dean glanced in the window and saw Ryan slashing and stabbing at the demon, who seemed to be taunting her rather than crying in pain. "Son of a bitch," he growled. He turned to his son, who looked horrified. "Go. Get out of here and go get Hope and Cas. Bring them both to me. Now."

"But...Dad, I can't get into Heaven. They won't let me. I can't..."

"I don't give two fucks how you get them here, just get them. Both. Now. Go, son."

Gabriel swallowed hard, nodded, and disappeared.

Dean turned to his knight as he stashed The First Blade in his belt, behind his back. He would...he would use it if he had to. He swore that to himself. "Lock me in with her."

"Dean..."

"Do it!" he shouted as he walked in. He heard the multiple locks engaging behind him as he moved slowly and purposefully toward Ryan. She was singing under her breath as she sliced slowly now, meticulously, carving Raeburn's flesh just as she would a Thanksgiving Turkey. He could make out the words of the song now that he was closer;

_**I never knew why**_

_**And you didn't care when**_

_**It closed every door**_

_**And washed away no sin**_

_**And I promised you**_

_**Like you promised me**_

_**But those vows we made **_

_**We fucked it up for free**_

_**You made a fool out of me**_

_**And took the skin off my back running**_

_**So don't breathe when I talk**_

_**'Cos you haven't been spoken to**_

_**I've got a gun for a mouth and a bullet with your name on it**_

_**But a trigger for a heart bleeding blood from an empty pocket**_

His voice was soft, melodic, as he whispered, "Ryan? Sweetheart? Come on. He's done for today. Put the knife down."

She turned to him and snarled, like a rabid dog, slashing at him with the bloody knife in her hand. Her black eyes narrowed. "No! Not until I'm finished."

He held up both hands. "You want someone to torture?" He flicked his eyes black. "Do it to me. Come on. You know you want to slice and dice me, too, don't you?"

"You left me!" she cried as she began advancing toward him. He began slowly backing away. "That morning, in college! I wanted nothing more than for you to stay with me and you left me!"

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, I did. I wanted nothing more than to stay, but Dad..."

"You were an adult! Sam told him to fuck off! Why couldn't you?"

"I wasn't strong enough," he admitted.

"No. You're weak. Just like I used to be."

Dean nodded again as he continued backing up. "Yes, you were weak. But not anymore, are you?"

"No! I'm strong! And I'm only going to grow stronger! As soon as Lucifer is out, I will be the strongest! The best! No one can hurt me then! My heart can't be torn in two, because I won't have one! My body won't be able to be used, because I will be strong enough to kill anything that tries!"

Dean nodded once more and then stopped. She lunged for him...and found she couldn't move forward or back. He smiled. "Devil's trap, sweetheart."

"Fuck you!" she spat.

He nodded. "Yeah, I get that a lot." He turned his gaze to the door. "Meg?"

She walked in, wariness oozing from her as she walked up to him, her eyes never leaving Ryan. "Yeah, boss?"

"Are the angels back yet?"

"N-No, but Dean..."

"Go get the demon shackles."

"Dean, is that wise? I mean, surely you want..."

"Damn it, Meg! Do it now."

"Dee..."

"For fuck's sake, Meg, just do as I ask!" he shouted.

She nodded uncertainly and hurried back out the door.

Dean looked at Ryan, stuck in the devil's trap and his heart broke. She was rubbing her arms now, almost as if she were feeling the effects of a drug. She was twitchy and crazy and scaring the absolute shit out of him as she was softly singing more of that damn song. He heard parts and pieces of it as she rocked back and forth, rubbing her arms, staring wildly around her. "And it tortures slow, never lets you go, Deals a crooked hand..."

"Come on, sweetheart, fight it."

Her eyes were cold, calculated, as they shot to him. "I'm not fighting this. I've longed for it. It's called for me. For weeks. Months. Years. Ever since that nosy little brat put the curse on me, keeping this as bay, I've felt it, the need, growing stronger."

"And all it took was a little torture to break the bond, right? The one Loki put on you?"

She smiled coldly. "I needed the power. I felt it, almost immediately. I felt it calling to me. She felt the sickness, but all I felt was the strength returning!"

"Aren't you Ryan?" he questioned.

She smiled. "Of course I am. But she was weak, too, the little human in love with a demon. But I'm stronger now. I'm the new me."

He chuckled flatly. "I hate to tell you, cupcake, but you're about to be turned back into that weak little human."

Her eyes narrowed. "No."

His eyebrow popped. "I'm sorry, were you in a place to argue with me? It seems as though you're the one stuck in the devil's trap, not me."

"For now," she amended coldly.

Just then, he heard the rattle of chains as Meg reappeared. His gaze left Ryan's as he turned his eyes only onto his knight. "Thanks. I'll handle Ryan. Take what's left of him down to the bowels with the others. I don't want him up here anymore."

Meg blinked. "But, boss, I should stay..."

"Meg," he warned.

She sighed. "You want him down with Lilith, Ruby, Crowley, all the ones that have fucked you guys over, right?"

He nodded. "Exactly. I don't want him to ever see the light of day again. Put him in another of the sound proof rooms, lock the door, and throw away the key."

"As you wish." She paused. Then, "Dean..."

He glared at her. "Not now, Meg."

She huffed out a breath and nodded. She quickly grabbed the other set of shackles she had brought and hurriedly trussed up Raeburn before taking him out of the room.

"Pity, I was going to enjoy playing with him some more," Ryan stated sadly, her lip poking out like a child.

"Ryan, come on. Tell me you're in there."

She cackled. "Of course I'm in here. No one here but me, Dean-O! I'm just...feeling oh...so...much...better!" she cried as she threw out her arms. "I feel free. I can do anything."

"No, you can't."

She glared at him. "Oh, don't be such a Debbie Downer! Just think of the shit we can fuck up together, Dean! You're the king of Hell, I'm your queen! It could be glorious!"

"Not just no, peaches, but hell no."

"Too bad," she murmured as she looked around. Then she smirked. "You know, it really is a damn shame."

"What?"

She licked her lips and leaned as close to him as the trap would allow as she whispered, "People say you shouldn't take your work home with you, but I tend to disagree. I think we should make an exception to that rule. I bet you can show a girl all kinds of nasty little tricks. I wouldn't mind you fucking me while I'm trussed up on that table, Dean," she purred.

"No." At her little pout, he sighed. "Alright, sweetcheeks, you and I are going to have a little chat, see if I can't talk you off this ledge. Please don't make me be the bad guy here."

She smirked at that and sat on the floor in the trap, crossing her legs in almost a serene yoga pose. "Fine. Talk me off that ledge, big boy."

"Damn it, Ryan."

She cackled. "I just fail to understand why you want me to be a wimpy little human anyway. Just think of all the wicked fun we could get into with me as a demon. Come on. I know you banged a ton of demon chicks down here."

"No, Ryan."

She eyed the table again and licked her lips seductively. "Why not? It was good enough for Bela, wasn't it? Am I not a dirty enough little slut for you to bang down here in hell? I could be, you know. I can be anything you want me to be."

"Stop," he commanded.

"But, baby, don't you see? I can be your dirty little whore. You can fuck me any way you want. You can even bring Bela in. I know she would love to have another piece of you. I bet that little British accented mouth could really suck some cock."

"Ryan..." his voice was beginning to sound how he felt; tired.

She giggled. "What? I'm just saying...I think it would be quite fun. Hell, we can bring Meg in too. That chick has the mouth of a hoover. I thought she'd take my tongue off that one time we kissed. Of course, I am one hell of a kisser. I don't know why. It's not like I had that much practice. Although, Caleb didn't have any complaints."

"Caleb...? You and Caleb? You said you'd never..."

She shrugged. "Well, I didn't go all the way, but he wanted to. Of course, I'm a bitter, terrified shrew, or at least, I used to be. Poor Caleb didn't know what hit him. I ran away that night after I told him no and busted his lip. I've always been a crazy bitch. Now my soul is just reflecting it."

"Ryan..." he knew he needed to just lock the door and leave her here until Cas, Hope, and Gabriel came back, but he couldn't walk away from her if he tried. Not even as she continued to spew vitriol at him.

"Now, Sam on the other hand, that boy is one hell of a kisser. He's rough. Did you know that? Oh I bet he's a firecracker between the sheets. Had I not been so drunk, it might have scared me. But it didn't. Do you know what it did?"

"Stop," he pleaded lightly. He really didn't need to hear this.

"It turned me on, Dean. Your brother, my word. He's one hell of a fine specimen. I mean, I couldn't have you, so I could have had the second best thing, right?"

"Don't..." he whispered.

She smiled. "What's the matter? Afraid of the competition? Don't worry. Sweet little Sammy never was my thing. It was always you." She put a finger to her chin. "Although. I do regret not fucking him. Not that I don't love doing the dirty deed with you, but I can't help but look at him and wonder. I mean, Andy always has this self satisfied smirk on her face and I'm just curious as to if it is him that makes her smile that way."

Dean shook his head. "Come on, Ryan," he begged. "Stop. This isn't you. It's the demon..."

"And how does the demon make you feel, Dean? Didn't you ever just wanna say 'fuck it' and say how you felt? Didn't it free you? Didn't you just feel like fucking shit up? That's how I feel! That's what I need! Come on, let me go. Let's go take this world by storm. Together."

"Together? You mean me, and you, and your old pal Lucifer? Sorry, toots. I already played that game with Sam."

She smiled. "Yeah, but with me, you get to bang the sexiest angel in existence."

"Sorry. Not into dudes. Even if they are wearing my wife's meatsuit."

She giggled again and it tore at his nerve endings.

"Come on! Live a little! You should go out on a tear! Really destroy some shit! It could be a blast. I bet we could get Sammy back on the demon blood really quick. Is that what you want? Me and your brother? I can make it happen, sugar. Just say the word..."

"NO!" Dean shouted, sending out more power than he intended. She fell backward onto the floor, cracking her head open in the process.

He ran toward the trap, entered it, and pulled her into her arms, trying to control her, to make sure she was alright, but she just started laughing and wouldn't stop. "Oh, you're so righteous! Even in a demon's skin! What's the matter with you, Dean? Why are you so broken? You can't even be a demon right! No wonder your father was so disappointed in you! You couldn't be a human right, you couldn't be a savior right and now you can't even be a demon right!"

He started shaking her as the tears flowed from his eyes. "Ryan, stop. Please. You're my safe place. If I have one spec of humanity, it's holding onto you. If you go dark, that humanity dies with you. Please, baby, please, come back to me. You tore down every wall I had and became my fortress. Please, Ryan, please..."

She shoved him away from her and he fell out of the trap. "You disgust me. You're so weak, Dean. If you were stronger, you'd end me so I didn't destroy the world. But no, you won't. You'll cure me once more and then I'll be a ticking time bomb again. All because you love me."

"I'm not the only one that loves you."

"Sometimes it's better for those we love to be gone, Dean. You bring me back, what are you really getting in return, huh? Think about it. You sold your soul for your brother. And look what happened. Instead of him hanging out in heaven with your mom for the rest of eternity, you condemned him to being Lucifer's bitch. You set the wheels in motion when you didn't just let him die. Go get that ugly ass blade of yours, Dean. Kill me. Let me die. Save the world."

"I can't lose you, Ryan, I just got you back."

"We've had a good run, Dean. But that's at an end now."

His eyes narrowed. "No. It's not." He nodded as Hope and Cas came up behind her and jabbed her with needles on both sides of her neck.

She roared and thrashed, but Gabriel grabbed her, his eyes lighting angel blue as she struggled and fought until finally, she slipped into unconsciousness.

"Dean, I got it ready," Meg whispered as she walked in.

"No!" he shouted, how own eyes turning demon black.

"But..."

"No, Meg! Not just no, but hell no! Cas and Hope are here now. They'll fix her."

"But, Dean, she's right..." Meg began.

"No!" he shouted again as he let out a roar of his own and sent out power, pinning his knight up against the wall, lifting her as his hand clenched. She began trying to beat at an invisible hand as it choked her.

"Dean," Castiel whispered softly, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Let her go."

Dean sighed and Meg dropped to the floor. Cas walked to her and helped her up.

"What's she talking about, Dad?" Hope asked.

"A cage. I built Ryan a cage in a different part of Hell. It's secluded, away from everyone and everything. It has a one-way door. Once you're in, you can't escape. Ever. There's no locks, no gates, nothing."

"Dean..." Cas began.

Dean shook his head. "I don't want her becoming a vampire. I don't want her stuck in Purgatory where I can only go and visit her every once in a while. If we can't get her back, I'm putting her in the cage. Then, when Jon's old enough, and I give him The Mark, I'm going to join her. I can't...I won't become a human and have you take my soul to Heaven, Cas. Not if she's stuck down here. We can spend our eternity together, like soul mates are supposed to."

"But...Dad..." Gabriel began.

Dean shook his head. "No, son, not now. I don't want to argue about this. I want to try and get her back. Jon's too little. He still needs his mom. If, after that, we can't fix her, we bring her down to the cage."

"And into Lucifer's waiting hands?!" Hope shouted.

"No. It's one way in. No way out. It's fool proof. I made it myself. It's fortified with holy fire, holy water, and enough sigils to make your hair stand on end when you walk into the room. No one can break it."

He implored to the two angels who'd injected her with their blood; "But, please, try to cure her. Don't...Don't let me live without her yet, please?"

Hope and Castiel shared a look. "Let's get her to your office. She's got a rough road ahead of her. Once she's borderline human again, we'll move her up to the bunker. I had them all clear out," Hope stated.

"What did you tell them?"

She gave him a sad look. "The truth."

* * *

**November Twentieth**

The soft sobs clued Dean in to something being wrong. The house wasn't a safe sanctuary anymore. Ryan was there. She was human, but that didn't matter very much. She was withdrawn, depressed, and content to keep herself shut away, causing the boys to start hanging out at the bunker even more. They'd even been sleeping over there some. Truthfully, Dean was kind of letting them have some space. This thing with Ryan was hard on all of them, and he figured the boys were enough like him to need some time to themselves. But no more. He was going to do whatever it took to get them all back to where they'd been before the disastrous trip to Hell.

Hope was...managing. She and Cas had decided to start giving Ryan booster shots every few weeks, taking turns with one another's blood. She had her own stuff to deal with between hunting and Jesse and her angel duties, so she hadn't realized the depths of depression Ryan had sank into until she'd come on her birthday. She had been shocked and tried to help Ryan, but her mother hadn't wanted anything to do with help, which had led to a shouting match between mother and daughter. Truthfully, Dean had been glad to see any fire from Ryan at all, though she had quickly enough sank back into her sullen shell. Hope didn't know what to do, how to help. No one did. But he did know one thing; he needed to be in sync with his children. Hope wasn't a problem. She was an adult, but she was also out in the world. She wasn't living at home. It made a difference. The boys, however...

He walked to his old room and glanced inside. Jon was on the bed, curled into a small ball. He was ten now, but he was tall, almost as tall as his older brother, and lanky. Long limbs were tucked carefully around each other as if he could protect himself. "Jon?"

The boy scrambled to sit up on the bed, wiping furiously at his eyes. "Yeah?"

Dean gave him a sad smile and walked over to sit on the bed. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Does Mom hate me?"

"Of course not. Why would she hate you?"

"B-Because, I'm gonna be the king of Hell. I'm part demon..."

Dean grasped the boy's shoulders. "You listen to me, Jonathan Cain Winchester, right now. Your mother loves you very much. She's sick, son. She's got this sickness in her that makes her feel sad all the time."

"The demon in her?" At Dean's surprised glance, the boy shrugged. "I hear things."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, that's part of it. See, you own your demon side and have learned how to control it, like me. Ryan...can't. And since she can't, it's messing with her hard wiring."

Jon sucked in a stuttering breath. "But it was on my birthday..."

Dean grasped his son and pulled him in for a huge hug. He hated the sobs that wracked the boy's body as he cried. He let Jon cry a bit before he gave him a little push and looked in his eyes. "Hey, look, one thing had nothing to do with the other, Jon. I swear it."

"Do you think we'll get her back? I miss her."

Dean nodded. "Eventually," he stated guardedly, because, honestly, he wasn't sure. "But for now, me, you, and Gabriel? We need to stick together. I'm not good at this parenting thing. I thought you needed space. I didn't realize you needed me here. I'm sorry."

The boy threw his arms around Dean again. "You're doing great, Dad. I love you."

Dean felt a few tears of his own eek out. "I love you, too, buddy. You're the prince, right? Isn't that what Mama calls you?"

Jon pulled away and Dean had to chuckle at the face his son pulled. "Dude. That's just wrong. It's okay for Mama to call me that, but not you. It's...weird."

Dean smiled and nodded. "Okay then. Note to self; no royalty names."

Jon smiled at Dean. "I am the prince though. Think that'll help me score some chicks when I'm older?"

Dean laughed again. "Son, you're a Winchester. Scoring chicks is encoded in your DNA."

The boy's grin only grew. "I feel better now. Thanks. I think I'm gonna go get something to eat. But, uh, you need to go talk to Gabriel now."

"Why?"

"He's mad at himself."

Dean sighed. "Of course he is." He might have more in common species-wise with his youngest son, but he was really beginning to grasp the fact that he and Gabriel were more alike than either wanted to admit. "Have any idea where he is?"

Jon nodded. "The training room."

"Okay. Go get something to eat. Then, I think we need to go do something, the three of us."

"What about Mom?"

Dean held in the wince, just barely. "Hope or Cas can look after her."

"But, she's your soul mate. You're supposed to take care of her."

Dean nodded. "You're right, I am. But, we've got you guys to think about, too. And trust me. If I know one thing, it's the fact that when your mom comes out of this, whenever it is? She's going to be some kind of pissed off at me if I neglected you boys in any way. She would want me to look after you first. And I want to take care of you. I can't do anything for her, not now. I brought her back from the brink. The rest...she's going to have to meet me halfway before I can help her any more than I already have."

The boy swallowed. "Okay, Dad. I'd like to go somewhere with you and Gabe. Where?"

"Be thinking about it. Anywhere in the world. As long as I don't have to get on an airplane."

That caused Jon to smile and giggle, just like Dean had hoped it would. He stood and sucked in a breath. _One down, one to go_, he thought as he made his way down to the training room. He heard the fighting sounds and knew before he breached the door, Gabriel was beating the hell out of the punching bag.

He watched his son a few moments and reflected over the past few years. Yeah, this thing with Ryan...it was bad. Terrible. But, at the same time, he knew, somehow, some way, he'd get her back. Even if they both wound up in the cage together, they'd be, well, together. But he only had a limited time with his boys. He needed to be here for Gabriel just as much as Jonathan. Just because Gabe had all of his memories from being an angel, didn't mean the kid didn't need his dad. And Dean was more than happy to be there for his boy.

"Drop your shoulder," Dean said as he pushed off from the doorjamb.

Gabriel huffed out a breath and looked at him. "What?"

"Drop your shoulder a little. You'll get more power behind your punch."

"I don't even know why I'm bothering. I can just..."

"I feel certain Sam has already warned you about what can happen to you if for some reason you lose your juice. Just ask Cas when he went up against your girlfriend."

Gabriel smiled at that. "Yeah, well, I taught her everything she knows."

That gave Dean pause. "You're dangerous, Gabe. Not gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me."

The boy's eyes lit angel blue. "Good."

Dean regarded him. "Are you okay?"

"You want the Winchester answer, or the truth?"

Dean sighed, almost ashamed at the fact the boy knew the difference. "The truth."

Gabriel huffed out a breath and walked over to his bottle of water before he sat on the floor with his back against the wall. His vessel was still growing. That meant he still needed food and water, sleep, and exercise.

Dean walked over and sat next to him. "Well?"

Gabe just shook his head. "No. I'm not. This is all my fault. I've tried and tried to think of a way to change things, and I'm just...I can't. It's done. It's all just...I can't make this right. I can't fix it. I can't..." He took a stuttering breath, which didn't help, and Dean found himself holding his son in his arms. "I'm sorry, Dad, I'm so sorry," the boy sobbed.

Dean held him and rocked him slightly as he cried. "I'm sorry too, Gabriel. I wish I could help you. But this isn't your fault..."

"Yes it is!"

Dean gave him a little shake. "No. Stop it. It isn't."

"If I hadn't cursed her, doomed her as a child, none of this would be happening."

"What? So it would be better if it was someone else? You'd rather someone else be your mom?"

"No!"

Dean sighed. "Then there isn't an answer. It had to be me and it had to be her, right?"

Gabriel sucked in a breath and blew it out. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, it did, but I just..."

"You love her." Dean wasn't asking, he was stating a fact. It was evident how much Gabriel loved Ryan.

"You can't begin to understand what I feel for her. I didn't. When I made the decision to chose her, I wasn't thinking in terms of her being my mom. She was of my vessel's lineage, that and her close proximity to you at the time, kind of worked for me. But then, when Lucifer was an utter douche and tried to kill me, I knew I'd need to hide in her until you two created me a new vessel. I wasn't planning on it, seriously. I had fully intended to keep myself out of it, but then, well, the opportunity presented itself, and I really didn't have a choice. But when you share...residence with someone, you learn everything about them. I know her. The good, and the bad. And that makes me love her even more. She's so damaged and beautiful and reckless and thoughtful and..."

"And you love her."

Gabriel smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"Well, so do I, Gabe."

The boy blew out another breath. "Do you really think we'll get her back?"

Dean paused a moment before he slowly nodded. "Yeah, I do. I just don't know what condition it will finally be in."

"Should I try to...?"

"To what, Gabriel? Mojo her? Put a spell on her? I think the time has passed for all of that. Now we just need to let her do her thing. She'll get past this. She always does."

"She's had help."

"If it gets to that point, then you can step in. But we need to let her have some space, some time to just deal with all of this."

"But it isn't her fault. That...thing in her..."

"...Is still her," Dean reminded him. "Just like with me, I was still me even at my worst."

"But you came back from it, somehow. Honestly, I have no idea how."

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, me either. But I did. We can only hope she'll find her way back, too."

"I want it to be sooner, rather than later."

"Time, Gabe. She needs time."

"If she takes too much, I'm busting out of my vessel and invading hers again."

"She still needs to give you consent," Dean reminded him.

"I could talk her into it."

Dean snorted. "Have you ever actually tried talking your mother into anything?"

Gabriel frowned. "Well, we could always trick her..."

"Not just no, Gabe. I've tricked someone with an angel before. I don't want her spending the rest of her life pissed off at me. No, anything you can do from the outside, fine, but the rest...it's a consent issue I've got, especially with Ryan. She'd never forgive us if we violated her like that. You should know better. You've been in her head!"

"But I love her and she's my mom!"

Dean closed his eyes and winced. "I know, Gabriel. I get it. Love makes us do weird ass things. Things we'd never do. But at the same time, we have to realize some things we can't do for love."

"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that?"

Dean grinned. "The immortal words of Meatloaf. Yep. I'm afraid so."

"This sucks," Gabriel stated as he beat his head against the wall a few times.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of adulthood, Gabe. You never know what the hell you're doing."

The boy growled in response.

* * *

**February Fifth**

Dean sighed as he stared at nothing. It had been months. Months since Jon's birthday, since, well, all hell had broken loose in their lives. The holidays had been a disaster to say the least. Everyone had walked on eggshells around Ryan as she had slowly retreated further and further into herself. Yes, she was back. Yes, she was human. But what she'd said to Dean had all but destroyed her. She refused to talk. To him. To anyone. She didn't hunt, didn't work out, ate only enough to keep herself alive, rarely ever spoke to anyone, and in general, became a hermit. It was as if she was trying to alienate herself from everyone. And it was working to a degree. Of course, everyone still loved her just as much, but she wasn't making it easy on anyone, that much was for sure.

And naturally, the boys both thought it was there fault. Jon, because it was his birthday, and Gabriel, well, Gabriel thought if he hadn't disappeared, none of it would have happened. Dean had stepped up and really been there for both the boys. He'd had to. Ryan wasn't capable. The three had become closer in Ryan's...absence. They had done as Dean asked, and had hit the road on a whirlwind tour of the United States, hunting, killing evil, and just spending time together.

It was a slight adjustment for Dean. He still missed his car, but he'd driven Demon, and it had been almost as good as what he could have imagined. Of course, Ryan was missing. He hated the fact she was at home, being watched over occasionally by angels or family members, but he knew she would want him to have this time with the boys. So, they'd stayed out on the road, only coming home for the holidays before hitting the road again. It reminded him so much of how his dad had been with him and Sammy, only Dean made it fun for the boys. They were constantly laughing, joking, learning, it was the most fun Dean had ever had in his life. He popped downstairs every few days, keeping an eye on things, and more often than not, both boys traveled with him. He had been worried, in the beginning, that some of the more scumbag demons would try and mess with his boys, but he noticed something miraculous...they were mirror images of how he and Sam had always been.

Jon was the slightly geekier younger brother, Gabriel was the older protector. They had each other's backs time and again, whether it was out in the field, or against him when he had to discipline them. It was amazing. Forget the fact one was a demon and one was an angel, just the fact of how much like their older counterparts they were...it was like looking into the past, and he was glad. Sam had been his everything growing up. He was glad the boys could say the same.

He sighed again, blinked, and scrubbed his fingers across his eyes, bringing himself out of his reverie. They'd had fun for a few months, but now it was time to get serious. The boys were with Sam at the bunker, helping him try to find a Men of Letters...something that could help Ryan out of this funk. He needed to go topside, check on her since the boys weren't home, but he just couldn't stand to see her so depressed. It was tearing at his heartstrings. A soft knock brought his head up. "Yeah?"

Meg walked in and smiled glumly. "Getting ready to head home for the night?"

Dean blew out a breath. "I guess so."

"She'll be okay, Dean. Give her some time."

"Did I do the right thing?" It wasn't the first time he had questioned his actions in regards to her humanity. Sometimes, he wondered, if only to himself, if he should have let her stay a demon and lock her up. At least as a demon, it seemed clear she wasn't depressed. Was, in fact, quite happy to be evil. And why wouldn't she be? Being bad was quite freeing.

Meg's eyebrow shot up. "Not condemning her to living the rest of her eternity as a demon? Yeah, I'd say so."

"You wanted me to lock her in the cage."

Meg opened her mouth, closed it, and cleared her throat. "Look, I screwed over Satan. Get the picture? So, if she busts loose, I'm dead, Dean. Like, forget being tortured for eternity, I'm ended. The dark overlord will have a field day winking me out of existence. And, I gotta be honest, I kind of like living."

"I'll protect you, Meg."

She snorted. "Don't. Just...don't."

"Meg..."

She held up a hand. "Look, Dean, you and I? We're friends. And I know your value your friendships and relationships. But, I'm a demon. And like it or not, you'll choose your human family or angel family first. Every time. I'm not offended," she added quickly, "I'm just being realistic."

"I'm sorry," he told her honestly. But she was right.

She smiled. "I know. Now, go on up there and try to get her to smile or something. Fuck her senseless, I don't know, just do something. You moping around here is making me depressed."

He stood and walked to his knight. "Just so you know, I'm really glad I chose you. And you are a good friend, Meg."

"Sorry, Dean, I'm just not that into you."

He chuckled. "Shut up," he growled playfully as he pulled her to him for a hug.

She stiffened up a moment before she relaxed in his arms and wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her hair. "Thank you, for everything, Meg. Seriously."

"What? You mean like trying to kill you all those times?"

He shrugged. "Hell, it's not like I haven't tried to kill you back. It's just how we work."

She chuckled. "Go on, take your demon ass back up to your little wifey. Don't make me have to banish you."

He shot her a droll look and she winked as he disappeared.

When he arrived at the house, he was surprised to be accosted by Sam. "Thank God. Is she with you?"

Dean blinked. "Who?"

"Ryan."

Dean swallowed hard. "No, she's not. Why?"

"Because, she was alone today. And when I came back to get Jon's backpack because he forgot it, I found this." He shoved a note into Dean's hand. "She must have took off right after the boys left."

Dean felt his heart plummet as he shook his head. "I'm not reading it."

"Do it, Dean. Read it."

He sucked in a breath, willed away a tear by sheer determination, and read the note;

"Whoever finds this first; I'm so sorry. I can't continue to do this to you. By the time you read this, I'll have already ingested the vampire blood. Come find me and put me out of my misery before I hurt someone. Or maybe I'll have already done it. You wouldn't hesitate to put me down if I was killing innocents. I have so many things I want to say. I've written letters to each of you, my family, the loves of my life. You've brought me so many happy memories and I know, as I'm sinking further into the abyss, those memories will carry me through. Please, don't think of this as a suicide, though, I guess it could be classified as such. I'm just so tired of waiting. My head's been on the chopping block for years now, since before Dean even came back into my life.

"Dean, my darling Dean, I'm so sorry I've done this to you. Everyone you love leaves you and I hate I have to be another in that long line. If it were up to me...well, it's not up to me, is it? I wish...there are so many things I wish. I've written you a special letter, but I just had to address this; I love you. Never, ever doubt that I love you with everything I am. I don't want to do this, but can't you see? I don't have a choice. It's this, or become something I can't handle. To think of what I said, what I did, down there...how much worse it could have gotten...I can't, baby, I just can't. Tell the kids I'm sorry. I know they can all come and visit me and they can bitch me out until they're blue in the face but I'm making the right decision. And I'm taking it out of your hands, sweetheart, because I know now, I'm just like Sam, you'd do anything to bring me back from the brink. And, sweetheart, you've got no soul to sell. Not this time. So, please, for me, make peace with this. I love you, until the end of time. Come see me sometime, okay? When you're not so mad? I'll be waiting. Love, Ryan"

"No!" Dean growled. "No, damn it, no!"

"Dean, I know. Calm down."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know."

"Who else knows about this?" Dean demanded.

"Just me. I just finished reading it when you popped in. I had hoped you'd already found it and..."

Dean shook his head. "No, I didn't...how could I not know?"

"None of us did, Dean. You can't blame yourself for this."

"No, but I can stop her."

"How? You read her words. 'By the time you read this'..."

"Yeah, but you said you came back because you forgot Jon's backpack. So, she hasn't had much of a head start. I can track her, we can find her..."

"I'm going with you."

"Sam..."

"Look, she's one of my best friends, Dean. And I love her just as much as you do. Not in the same way, but I love her just as much. And if I didn't do everything in my power to bring her back...Andy would never forgive me and I'd never forgive myself."

Dean grasped his brother's arm. "You ever flown demon air before?"

"I can truthfully say no."

"Then, hold on." Dean searched, finding his blood within Ryan and appeared at Rufus' cabin.

"Shit," Sam panted as he stumbled away from Dean.

"Sorry, forgot to warn you about the motion sickness. It's a bitch."

"I'm good," Sam managed before he straightened. He glanced at the door. "Is she in there?"

"Only one way to find out," Dean growled as he kicked the door in. "Ryan! Damn it, Ryan! Where are you?!"

There was nothing but silence.

The two men exchanged a look and muttered in unison, "Basement," before they ran into the cabin then down the stairs.

They reached the bottom of the stairs and found the door locked as well. Dean kicked it in and hurried into the space, right over to the panic room. Ryan and Sam had built an exact replica of Bobby's panic room in the corner. It wasn't quite as large, but it had all the same amenities. "Ryan?"

"Dean...I'm sorry."

"Damn it, baby, couldn't you wait?"

"For what? The ax to fall? Sorry, sugar, I just couldn't."

Dean held a finger up to his mouth, urging Sam to stay silent as he talked. "Did you already ingest the blood?"

She let out a sob. "N-No, not yet."

Dean breathed out a sigh of relief. "Good. Don't do it, Ryan, please?"

"I had planned on it, but then I chickened out. I couldn't find the strength to ingest the blood and leave the cabin. I couldn't, Dean, I couldn't go out there and kill anyone, even if it meant you'd finally do away with me."

"Sweetheart, you know I can't do that. I can't kill you."

"I can't chop my own head off. Although, I suppose if I'd have thought ahead, I could have rigged up a guillotine. Go on away and let me get one fixed up..."

"Damn you, Ryan, I can't do that!"

"Please, Dean! Please! Just do it already!"

"No."

"Dean..."

"Ryan!" Sam shouted. "Ryan, you listen to me, alright?"

They waited and when she didn't answer, Sam sighed and put his head against the iron door. Dean couldn't touch it for more than a few moments or it would burn his hand. It had been fortified with holy water as well as salt. Bobby would have been proud.

"Listen, Ryan, I thought about it, too, okay? I thought about getting rid of myself, thought that would be the easy answer. I wanted Anna to let me die and I was about half pissed off at Michael for bringing me back. If I had died, none of the apocalypse crap would have happened. But I wouldn't have met Andy. I wouldn't have had two of the greatest kids in existence. Getting rid of yourself isn't going to help anyone. I try to think of what I can do for someone else when times get tough, even now, for me as opposed to what's not being done for me. Nobody gets through this world alone. We all get overwhelmed. But the angel blood is helping. You're on the right track, Ryan. Just...keep fighting the fight. Keep fighting. If not for yourself, do it for Dean. You said in your letter, everyone always leaves him. Don't be another person that leaves my brother alone in the world." Sam glanced at him. "Because, I've got to tell you, if you leave, I'm terrified of the monster he'll become."

Dean swallowed hard. Sam was right. Before, he'd used sheer will to remain 'good' but without Ryan to tether him, he was terrified of the monster he would become, too.

The two men waited, on edge, until they heard the locks slipping from their holds. Ryan stepped out of the room and sobbing, fell into Dean's arms.

He reached down and picked her up, bridal style, and walked her up the stairs. He sat down on the couch with her and just started kissing her, her forehead, her hair, her face. "Don't leave me," he whispered over and over again. "Please, Ryan, please, don't leave me."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she whispered in return.

She sobbed and he cried right along with her. Finally, she fell into an exhausted sleep. He had forgotten Sam was there until his brother picked up the keys laying on the coffee table. "I'll take the car and go. You can get her back, can't you?"

Dean nodded. "Thank you, Sam, for everything."

Sam smiled. "She's your humanity, Dean. I'll go back to hell myself to keep her safe for you."

"I wouldn't let you."

"And around we go..." Sam stated sardonically.

"Seriously, though, you're the best brother a man could ask for. I'm sorry I don't tell you more often."

Sam's smile grew. "I already knew that. But you're wrong. It's you who is the best brother. You've always looked out for me, no matter what."

"I didn't, when I first got the juice. For the years following..."

"You did. You stayed away to keep me safe. You gave up your family for me."

"I didn't know about them."

"They weren't who I was talking about," Sam told him softly. At Dean's confused look, Sam added; "You could have stayed with Lisa, but you knew I wasn't right, back when I first popped out of Hell. You gave her up for me. You gave Ben up for me. And you've given up so much more than just that. And me looking out for your kids for you? Just a drop in the bucket by comparison." He chuckled. "Of course, hitting on your girl was a low blow, but I was in a weird place."

Dean chortled. Somehow, the crap between Ryan and Sam had become less of something to worry about and more of just an annoying memory. It couldn't be changed, it just had to be dealt with. "Fuck off, Sam."

Sam looked at him and paused at the door. "Will you two be alright?"

Dean nodded. "I think so. Did you get the blood?"

Sam held up a glass tube. "Yeah. And I also got all the weapons. Just in case. Keep her here a few days. I can run to the store really quick and get you some of her favorite foods. I'll have someone bring a car up so you two can drive home. Don't worry about the boys. I'll handle them. Just...fix her, Dean. I don't care how, just fix her."

Dean looked at the woman in his arms. "I'll try my hardest. But what if I can't?"

Sam swallowed hard. "Then, you'll figure something out. You always do."

Dean closed his eyes, exhaustion dogging him as he heard the quiet thump of the door closing. "I love you, but you're a pain in my ass, babe," he muttered to his sleeping wife.

* * *

**Ryan POV **

Ryan woke with a start to find herself in the bed at Rufus' cabin. She yawned and felt the bed next to her to find it empty. _Did I dream it? Am I suffering hallucinations again? _It wasn't the first time it had happened, but that had been years ago, before she met Dean in collage. She felt the tears stinging her eyes at the realization. Dean wasn't really there. She was about to get up and work up her courage to drink the vampire blood when she heard, "Do you know how fucking pissed I am at you right now?"

Her eyes shot open and she sat straight up in bed as she glanced in the corner where Dean sat guard, a look of pure disgust on his face. "Dean..."

"Oh no, don't you 'Dean' me. I'm too pissed right now for you to try and act all sweet and sad about this. Do you know what I would have done if this had been Sam trying this crap? Do you know what I did to Sam when he tried this crap? I beat the shit out of him. And sitting here, stewing, getting all the more pissed at you for even thinking of ending your life...I'm having to resist the urge to just beat your ass black and blue, Ryan. Only the fact you're a girl is stopping me. What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking? Seriously?"

Her eyes narrowed. "What was I thinking? All I've been doing is thinking! For the past three and a half months all I've done is think! What do you think I'm doing? Just sitting around feeling sorry for myself?! Grow a fucking clue, Dean!" She curled her legs up, sat her chin on her knees, and wrapped her arms around her legs. "You don't get it, do you?"

"The fact you basically tried to kill yourself, and would have, if Sam and I hadn't gotten to you in time? Yeah, I don't get it." He sighed. "Look, this life...it's not the greatest, I know. And I know you didn't see yourself being saddled to the king of Hell, but I mean...is it that bad?"

She sighed. "Dean, sweetheart, you just don't understand. It has nothing, I mean, _nothing _to do with you. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's true. It's all me." She looked down at the blanket, tracing the light swirl patterns as she tried to think of what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. "I was so terrible, down there. I remember it. I remember every word I said in vivid technicolor. And the worse thing? I meant it. My demon, me, the worst part of me, meant all of that. And that scares me, Dean." She sucked in a breath. "And amidst all of that, all I could think was, 'finally, he's seeing the real me.' Because I saw it, the look of disgust on your face, similar to the one you're wearing now." She closed her eyes as a tear fell down her cheek. "I've seen the other looks, too. You're worried. And you should be. I'm going to be wicked, honey! The worst kind of wicked! How could I not, when I'm the one that lets Lucifer out of his cage!"

"But you have a choice, Ryan. Sam and I...that's all we've fought for. The choice. Destiny follows free will, remember?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I get that. But I know, after this time, after this taste of the demon, I know. I'm not going to be like you. I'm going to be a monster."

"I was a monster, too, babe. I chose not to be. You can, too."

"How?" she wondered aloud. In reality, he should be evil. But he wasn't. Why was that? "How did you choose to be good?"

He looked clueless. "I, uh..."

She smiled flatly. "You don't know. But I do. Cas once said you would be fine as a demon because you're The Righteous Man. And he was right. I should never have doubted him. I should have come to you, as soon as I knew. I should have summoned you to me. It would have...maybe I wouldn't be teetering on this knife's edge right now if I had only just..." She sucked in a sharp breath. Wishing and hoping wouldn't get her anywhere. It was done now. And no black magic spell, no time travel, no hoo-doo could fix it. "But it doesn't matter. I'm not you. And I'm not good, not at my core. I'm too fucked up for that. Don't you see?"

He stood, walked to the bed, sat down, and grabbed both of her hands. "All I see is the woman I'm in love with, hurting, contemplating suicide. And I can't seem to make her see how terrible this world will be without her." Two tears tracked down his face. "Please, Ryan, please don't do this. Please don't leave me."

"I don't want to," she stated as her own tears began clogging her throat. "I don't want to, but don't you see? I don't have a choice!"

"You always have a choice."

"I can't be her, Dean. I can't...all the other times, it was a flash of demon, but this, down in Hell, I felt her. I felt that evil. And I liked it. I got the taste, baby. God help me, but I did."

"And we'll help you, Ryan. We'll keep you on the straight and narrow. Just...please, don't do this. Not now."

"And if I just hulk out unexpectedly? If you can't bring me back next time?"

His eyes closed and she hated seeing the pain on his face. "I, I fixed you a cage. Like Lucifer's, only it keeps demons in. I tried it out at first. I put Crowley in one. And Lilith. And Azazel. I built it and modified it after watching them all a few centuries to see if they could escape or weasel their way out. Each time they tried, I found another way to strengthen it. It's impenetrable. Once you're in, there's no way for you to get out."

"And it will keep me away from Lucifer?"

He nodded. "Yes. It will. I promise." He smiled. "And, uh, I made yours big enough...so, you know, when it's time, I can join you..."

She shook her head. "No, baby, no, you can't be down there. You deserve to make it to Heaven with your mom and dad and Sam..."

"Heaven's not heaven without you, Ryan. My eternity is mine. I make the decision to decide where to end up. And my eternity will be spent with you, no matter where you end up."

She threw her arms around him. "Dean!"

She felt his huge hands on her back, rubbing, pulling her closer. "We're never going to be apart again, Ryan. I swear it."

* * *

**May Twenty-Fifth**

The past few months had been far from easy, but had been a dramatic improvement over her mental state during the winter. With spring came a new beginning. Of course, Ryan was still wary, cautious, terrified of who and what she'd become this time around with the demon, but she was getting over it. She still felt like it was all pointless, but she realized now, even though she wanted her life over, she couldn't do that. Not to Dean, not to the kids, not to her family and friends. So, she dealt with it. Somehow. And it seemed to be working. But Andy, well, Andy wasn't one for letting her depression get Ryan down.

Ryan heard banging on her door and with a furrowed brow, she walked down the stairs to the front of the house. "I'm coming!"

"You'd better hurry your ass up, Winchester!" Andy shouted from the other side of the door.

Ryan gave her a half smile as she opened it. "Yes?"

"You got any coffee in this house?"

"I, uh, I just brewed a fresh pot..."

"Good. Got a muffin to go with it?"

"Yes...?"

"Excellent. Serve me, bitch."

Ryan's eyebrow shot up, but she did as she was asked, getting together a tray with two coffee cups, two chocolate-chocolate chip muffins, and her favorite coffee and cream. She saw Andy sitting on the back porch on the little wicker settee. With a shrug, she took the tray out there, placing it on the coffee table in front of her friend. She glanced around the porch, noticing something seemed off, then, remembering Dean had taken the two rocking chairs to the garage to paint them, had no choice but to sit next to Andy on the small couch. "Huh. I seem to remember serving coffee out here to a demon many moons ago. But now it's my sister-in-law. What's up?"

Andy accepted the coffee, dumped about half the cream in it, gave it a quick stir, and looked at Ryan over the rim of her cup as she blew on it delicately. "Am I?"

Ryan blinked. "Are you what?"

"Your sister-in-law?"

"Uh...I think so? I mean, I was present not only at your soul marking, but also at your wedding. Unless you're a shifter. But considering the fact you picked up a silver spoon to stir that coffee with, and the coffee was made with holy water, I'd go with human. "Why?"

Andy shot her a sour look. "Because, you're being a douche."

Ryan blinked again and shook her head. "I'm sorry...what have I done?"

Andy sighed. "Where's Dean?"

"At the bunker with the boys. Sam should be there. Where are your kids?"

"At the bunker, with the boys."

"Okay..."

Andy took another sip of her coffee. "You know, I get it."

"Get what?"

"Why you're acting this way."

Ryan was smart enough to keep her mouth shut and play dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"You think, if you push everyone away, keep everyone at bay, they'll start to hate you, then, when you turn for good the next time, it won't hurt them so bad. Well, reality check, dumbass, it doesn't work that way."

Ryan sighed out a breath. "I'm not..."

"Oh please. Don't even. You can't try to even begin to worm your way out of admitting this. You know I'm right."

"So? So what if you are? Isn't this easier?" Ryan asked defensively. It was true. If she alienated herself, they wouldn't care as much, it wouldn't hurt them as bad when she, if she, had to end things. She'd tried and failed. But that didn't mean the plan wasn't still at the back of her mind. If she started going darkside, she wanted this over this time. No more bringing her back from the brink crap. She was ready, willing, and truthfully, looking forward to ending it.

"I should slap your face," Andy seethed. "Look, I wasn't there, down in Hell, but from what I've heard, Dean almost had a meltdown demanding Cas and Hope bring you back. And I know about the vampire blood a few months ago, too. Sam shares everything with me and what he doesn't, I get out of him. So you don't get to sit here and feel sorry for yourself."

"I've apologized to Dean..."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. We all love you, Ryan. We all want to be a part of your life. Sure, you're talking to Dean, you're doing things with the kids a little more. Bu the fact of the matter is, you're scared."

"You're damn right, I'm scared!" Ryan shouted. "I'm terrified! The things I said, the things I thought...Andy, I've never been like that. Never. And it scared the absolute shit out of me!"

"Then fight, damn it! Fight this, Ryan!"

"Oh, you and Sam. You're both so self-righteous! All I hear about is how hard I should be fighting. Did it ever occur to anyone I'm tired of fighting?"

"Well then, ask for some fucking help!" Andy shouted. "News flash, sunshine, we're all in this together! Don't you see? We're all woven together in this big ass tapestry of fate. So, let us help you for fuck's sake and grow a set!"

Ryan's lip quirked. "I'm a chick, thank you very much. I can't grow a set."

Andy's eyebrow shot up. "I'm pretty sure you've got a set of big brass one's, Ryan."

Ryan smiled a true smile. "What did I ever do to deserve you, Andy?"

Andy shrugged. "I don't know, but you sure as hell pissed off somebody, didn't you?"

Ryan giggled a little. That had been her, Andy, and Tory's saying to each other for the longest time. The thought of their dead friend sobered her. "I miss Tory," she stated softly.

Andy sucked in a breath. "Yeah, so do I." Ryan leaned against Andy and the other woman wrapped her arm around Ryan's shoulders and kissed her hair. "I miss you, too, you know."

"I'm sorry," Ryan began tearily, but Andy just shushed her.

"It's okay," Andy stated, her own voice full of tears, "You're here now."

The two sat in silence for a little while before Andy said, "You know, I don't blame you."

"For what?"

"Wishing you'd have had a chance with Sam."

Ryan sat ramrod straight and whipped around to look at her friend. "What?!"

"Dean told me. He, uh, he didn't want to tell Sam, but he needed to talk to somebody."

"And you were there for him?"

Andy nodded. "Somehow, he and I have become really good friends." She shrugged. "Go figure."

Ryan smiled. "I'm glad, Andy. I haven't been there, here, or anywhere lately. Not for anyone."

"I get it. Dean said the angel blood makes you really lethargic, too. And Gabriel put some kind of spell on you?"

Ryan nodded and pulled the small locket out from under her shirt. When she and Dean had come back from Rufus' cabin, Gabriel had it ready and waiting. "I don't even want to know what's in this. Some kind of hoodoo, but Gabriel and Hope swear by it, so I'm going with it. It wards off evil."

"Witchcraft? Definitely bringing out the big guns."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, but the angel blood really does make me feel doped up. For the longest time, I felt like I was constantly in a fog. Now, it's a little better."

"And you're getting booster shots every two weeks?"

"Unfortunately."

"But you're feeling better now?'

Ryan thought about that a moment before she smiled. "Yeah, I really am."

"Good. I'm glad."

Their silence wasn't strained now as they sat enjoying the morning, the muffin, and the quiet.

"So, I was thinking," Andy began.

"A dangerous past time," Ryan replied.

"I know," Andy's tone was deep, causing them both to giggle.

"Will we ever be too old to quote Disney movies?"

"I hope not."

Ryan smiled. "Okay, so what have you been thinking about?"

"A double date."

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "What? No...no thank you. I can't. Sam..."

"Sam's fine, Ryan."

"But the things I said..."

"Are you going to sneak off and bang him in the men's bathroom at the club?"

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "Ew. No."

Andy shrugged. "Then what's the big deal? I mean, it's not like I haven't had an inappropriate thought about Dean a time or two..."

"Shut up!"

"What? I have. Your hubby's a fox, too. Of course, I've got my own, but still...I'm a very sexual creature, Ryan. I never saw myself settling down with one man. Sometimes my brain reverts back to seeing a hot guy and imagining him naked. Sue me."

Ryan smiled a little bit at that.

"So? What about a date?"

Ryan sighed. "I don't know, And. I mean..."

Andy reached out and grabbed Ryan's hand. "Look, don't...don't do this for me. Do it for Dean."

"Dean?"

Andy's eyes narrowed. "Damn it, Ryan, don't make me tell you how unfair and childish you're being, playing the martyr."

"What are you...?"

Andy's mouth set and her jaw ticked. "Look, Dean would stay locked away with you the rest of your lives if that's what you wanted, without complaining, not even once, no matter if it's what he wants for himself. He loves you more than anything else in the world. More than being a father, more than being a king, more than anything. He's got you back now and everyone is thrilled, the boys especially. I mean, they loved having these past few months hunting with their dad, but I know they wanted you with them. All three of them did."

Ryan opened her mouth but her phone buzzing in her pocket caused her to derail her train of thought as she pulled it out and read the text from Dean; "Me and Sammy are taking the kids to get something to eat and to the park. You wanna come with? Or you want me to bring you something?"

"Come on, Ryan. Dean needs this night out as much as you do, if not more. He spends so much time being a king, a dad, and your mate, he never gets to be just Dean anymore."

"He isn't 'just Dean', Andy. He's still a demon. He's still the king. He's still..."

"Does any of that matter? If he can't be the man you fell in love with, then you've got problems."

Ryan didn't know what to say to that.

"Besides, you can't keep yourself locked up in the house all the time."

"Why not? At least here, I'm safe. You're safe. Everyone else on the whole fucking planet is safe from me."

Andy shook her head and glanced at Ryan's phone, reading the message upside-down. "FYI, this isn't just about you and Dean. Dean has other people who care about him, who _need _him. They need him to be a regular guy sometimes. Sam misses Dean. Even now. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for him, or feel guilty, but when Dean came back, it wasn't to Sam. And Sam accepted that, but it hurt him, too. He'd longed for his brother back and now, they hardly ever see one another. Not because of you, of this, but because of life."

"You're right."

Andy nodded. "Of course I am, but that isn't the point. Sam needs a night out. I mean, I love how Sam is with me, with the kids, but he needs...I don't know, I think they need a guy night or something."

Ryan snorted. "And the guy night should include us?"

"It could. It could be fun. What do you say?"

Ryan blew out a breath. She needed to do this. She needed to take the leap and be there for Dean now. This wasn't all about her. Sure, she could wallow in self pity for a little while longer, but what good would that really do? Nothing other than making her more depressed. And that wouldn't be good at all. Not for her, and not for anyone else, either. "Okay. I'm in."

"Yay!" Andy squealed. "Okay, let's plan the night..."

Ryan smiled a full-on smile. "Nope. If we're going to let them have a 'dude's night' then we need to go all out. Let the guys pick the music, the restaurant, the after supper activities, the whole shebang."

Andy blanched. "Do you know what kind of dump they could take us to?"

Ryan's grin was growing by the second. "Oh, I hope it's some dive with sawdust on the floor and Bon Jovi playing on the jukebox."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Fine. But if I get food poisoning and die from funny tacos, I'm coming back and haunting your ass."

Ryan chuckled. "So noted."

* * *

"Remind me again why this was a good idea?" Andy asked two days later as they dressed and got ready for the night. They had even let the boys pick out their clothes. Dean had written a note on Ryan's that said, "No flannel, no boots, no service," on it, causing Ryan to giggle. It was...becoming easier to smile, to laugh, and she fervently hoped she was coming back to herself.

She shrugged as she slid on her hunting gear, which felt like second skin, although she noticed they still hung off of her. She had lost too much weight. Dean hadn't commented on it, but she knew she looked skeletal. She'd also lost a lot of muscle mass. She needed to start training again. After all, exercise had always been one of the best antidepressants she'd ever tried. "I don't know. Maybe they're taking us hunting."

Andy's eyebrow popped. "I highly doubt that."

"Then I have no idea."

"Is it wrong that I'm excited thought? Any date with Sam..."

Ryan nodded. "Me, too. I can't wait."

They emerged from Ryan's bedroom and walked down the stairs together, laughing about how ridiculous they were to be excited about a date that required flannel and boots when they heard Dean let out a whistle. "Damn. You two look gorgeous."

Ryan smiled shyly at Sam before she walked into Dean's waiting arms. "Thanks, babe, so do you." He had on that red shirt she liked so much over a black tee. He looked good enough to eat. "Do we have to leave?" she whispered as her hands snaked around his waist and laid her head on his chest.

She could hear the deep rumble of his laugh and it made her smile. He hugged her and then pulled away. "Yep. You promised a bro night and we're getting a bro night."

"We could have let the two of you go out by yourselves..." she began.

Sam shook his head. "No, we wanted you guys to come with us. It makes the evening more fun. Dean and I aren't single guys anymore. We want our wives with us. Right, man?"

Dean nodded. "Sure, Geraldo. Let's go."

Sam's eyes narrowed at his brother, causing him to flip him off behind his back, and earning a few giggles from the girls. "Alright, let's go."

* * *

To the girl's surprise, Dean had the Impala waiting, shining and polished. "You borrowed Baby?" Ryan squealed as she ran to the car.

He smiled. "Yeah. Thought we needed the space and I just don't like driving your Mom-Mobile."

She shot him a look. "The SUV is a great vehicle, Dean."

"And it screams 'married with kids'."

"Well, aren't we?"

"Not the point. Just shut up and get in the car, woman," he told her as he popped her ass.

She smiled and slid into the passenger seat. She glanced back and Andy winked at her from the back.

Oddly enough, they didn't go to a bar, but instead, to a decent steak joint. After that, the boys surprised them with mini golf, where Sam and Andy began getting competitive. Ryan hung back, just a little bit, because she didn't care if she won or lost, but that she was out with her friends and her husband.

"You okay?" Dean asked as he slipped his arms around her from behind and put his head on her shoulder.

She smiled. "I'm great, Dean. I was just contemplating how I managed to find such great friends and family."

He kissed the shell of her ear. "You were supposed to, Ryan. And we were supposed to find you."

She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she breathed as she began kissing him.

"Hey! Get a room or finish the game!" Sam growled playfully from the next hole. "You're up!"

Ryan pulled away and smiled. "Wanna go kick their asses?"

"Hell yes."

After Dean and Ryan won by one putt, they moved on to some new nightclub. Ryan figured the guys must have done it for them, because neither of the boys would be caught dead in a place like that, but she appreciated it. She and Andy both ditched their flannel shirts in the car, showing off they had on some slinky tops underneath. Ryan's was long sleeved, but it had a boatneck collar and was missing slashes out of the back, showing off the soft, tattooed skin. She felt Dean's hands brushing it and he whimpered slightly as she glanced over the glass of her Bahama Mama. She chewed on the end of her straw and winked at him.

"Come on, Ryan, let's go powder our noses," Andy stated with a giggle. She'd had slightly more to drink than Ryan and was more than a little buzzed.

"We'll be right back. You two don't go getting into trouble, alright?"

"Trouble is my...middle name," Sam said in a crappy Austin Powers impersonation.

Ryan rolled her eyes and linked arms with Andy, leading her to the bathroom. After doing their business and checking their makeup, they made their way back out to the boys, only to find the guys being assaulted by two skanks in skintight miniskirts.

Ryan noticed them first and held back for a moment, admiring the two boys. She had to admit, the guys looked good. Sam, since he had gotten glasses, kind of had this hot professor thing going on, especially since he was in jeans, a tee, and a blazer with those elbow patches on it, and Dean, well, Dean had always had that dangerous air to him that attracted women like bees to a flower. "Look," Ryan stated with a little head bob.

"What?" Andy asked before she looked over at the guys. "What?! They're flirting with our guys!"

Ryan smiled. Both the boys looked so damn uncomfortable, and the women were really bringing their A game with the flirting.

"Can you believe them!? Both the guys are wearing wedding rings! That's my brand on Sam's hand! This chick needs to back the fuck off, now! Come on, Ryan!"

Ryan held Andy's arm, holding her back. "Wait."

"What?! Why? Look at how that other chick is hitting on Dean! How do you stand it?"

Ryan just grinned. "That there? That is Dean Motherfucking Winchester. If women _weren't _hitting on him, I'd be concerned. Besides, let those little girls slut around. We know who the boys are going home with, and better yet, judging by their body language, so do they. They're uncomfortable with all this attention." Even Dean seemed uncomfortable with the gross display of affection the girls were showering on them.

Andy's eyes narrowed. "Well, Sam is _MY _majestic moose and no one gets to flirt with him but me!" She wrenched her arm out of Ryan's hand and stomped back toward the guys. Ryan chortled under her breath and followed, snagging Andy before she could make her way across the club. "Andy! Wait!"

"What!?" Andy snapped.

A wicked plan began formulating in Ryan's mind. "Just, hang on. Let's go up to the boys and pretend we don't know them. Let's give those sluts a lesson."

Andy smiled evilly. "This is why you're my best friend."

"I know."

They each snagged a fresh drink from the bar, giving the chirpies a few more minutes to make the guy sweat, before they nonchalantly walked back over to the boys, both who showed relief at seeing their women.

Ryan batted her eyelashes. "Hi, fellas. I'm Ryan, this is Andy. How are you?"

Dean caught on first and he smirked. He grasped her hand and kissed it. "I'm doing great. I'm Dean, this is Sam. What brings you ladies out tonight?"

Ryan smiled and sipped her drink before responding. "Just out having some fun. You?"

Dean shrugged. "This kind of place isn't my thing."

"Oh? And what is?"

He gave a noncommittal gesture. She bit her lip and leaned in, trailing her finger down his chest. "Tell you what, you blow off the barflies, me and my girl will join you, see where the night goes..."

Andy spoke up then to the chick that had all but attached herself to Sam, "'Scuse me, hon, but he's above your pay grade." Her voice dropped to stage-whisper, "He's a gentleman. Maybe let a _lady _give it a go?"

Sam smiled at his wife. "Are you a lady, by chance?" he asked her, playing along.

Andy smiled and held her hand out for him to kiss. "Only in mixed company."

Sam took it, kissed it, and asked her, "And in...not mixed company?"

She sent him a look that, had they not been married, would have made Sam react like a fourteen year old boy. Even Ryan felt the sizzle from it. "Oh, I'm your wildest dream come true."

The girl who had latched herself onto Sam narrowed her eyes. "Come on, Chelsea. Clearly these guys want old hags," she said with a smirk.

"Old...!" Andy began, but Sam grasped her waist.

"Cool it, babe," Sam warned with a half smile.

The other girl looked from Dean to Sam and sniffed. "Yeah, you two bitches enjoy being their beards. The way they didn't flirt back with us? It's clear they're both gay."

"Oh, hell no," Ryan began. She turned, grabbed Dean, and hauled him to her, and kissed him for all she was worth.

He let out a masculine whimper as his hands dove to her ass, picking her up and sitting her on the barstool next to him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands traveled into his hair.

She had forgotten, over the past few months, just how damn good it felt, being in Dean's arms. All she felt was fire. It was as if she had ignited and she sure as hell didn't want anyone getting the fire extinguishers. Somehow, she'd found her way back. She'd found her way home.

* * *

**Dean POV **

The moment that fire sparked in Ryan's eyes, and she'd grabbed him to kiss him, had to be one of the greatest moments of Dean Winchester's life. He poured everything into that kiss, too. All the love and sorrow he'd felt over the past few months, every bit of missing her he'd done, all of it.

"Dude. Earth to Dean. The sluts are gone."

Dean pulled away and his eyes didn't leave Ryan as he told Andy, "Andy, I love ya, and you're my sister, but shut the hell up so I can keep making out with my wife, alright?"

Andy giggled. "Carry on. You've earned it. Just don't fuck right here on the table, okay?"

His eyes roamed over Ryan's face. To see that happiness there once again, to see those eyes lighting with mischief and love, to see that little smile at the corner of her mouth, the one that let him know she was thinking about him, that she loved him, it was everything. "Just be glad she's not in a skirt. As it is, I'm not making any promises," he stated.

Ryan chortled and laid her head on his chest. "I'll be good."

"I don't want you to," he pouted.

She dropped her arms and one hand pinched his ass. "Not for too long. I promise."

"Okay," he stated happily.

"Hey, I've gotta hit the head," Sam spoke up. He glanced at his brother. "Dean, can you look after Andy? I don't want her beating anyone's ass."

"I could do it!" Andy shouted as she snagged Dean's drink, downing the rest of it.

Dean's eyebrows rose. "Yeah, I've got them. But, hey, if they both go home with me, I hate it for you."

Sam shot him the bitchface. "All it takes is a little attention and you think you're king dick."

"I _am _king dick."

"You are a king sized dick," Sam agreed.

"I _have _a king sized dick."

Sam rolled his eyes. "No, you, personally, are the king sized dick."

"You're the dick, dick."

Sam's lip twitched. "I thought being the king of rotten, your comebacks would have improved. Glad to know some things _still _don't change. I'll be right back."

Dean watched him over the top of Ryan's head. It was no surprise, he walked past those two girl's table. Luckily, Dean's hearing was more sensitive as a demon, and he heard one of the girls asking the other, "Ugh. What's the difference between us and them? They're not so great."

Sam stopped, leaned on their table and said, "Not that you're owed an explanation, but if you must know, the main difference, the one that matters, is _class. _There is a huge difference between a lady and..." he motioned up and down at them, "A glory hole with a voicebox." He knocked on their table, smiled, and added, "You girls have a nice night."

Dean blinked as Sam turned to walk away, stopped once more, then turned back around. "Oh, another difference? The amount of fucks I give. See ya."

Dean's mouth fell open as Sam walked back to them. He had planned on teasing Sam about faking having to piss just so he could tell those hussies off, but instead, he said, "Dude. Tonight? I'm proud to call you my brother."

Sam chuckled. "Shut up, Jerk."

"Bitch."

Sam's smile was infectious and they grinned at one another.

"Okay, I see how it is now. Why don't you two get a room and look us up in the morning, how about that?" Ryan teased.

"Oh, you wanna play this game, little girl?" Dean asked as he picked her up over his shoulder and smacked her ass.

Sam chortled. "You know, this isn't my kind of place either. Let's get out of here."

"Oh! Let's go to a real bar! Like we used to when we went hunting!" Andy exclaimed.

Dean could hear Ryan's grin as she said, "Maybe if the boys will be lucky, we'll relive that night in Reno."

Andy sighed. "Your lips are petal soft, Ryan."

Dean's mouth dropped open and Sam's did too as the girls giggled.

Dean didn't let Ryan go until he stopped at the passenger side of the Impala. He sat her down and leaned into her. "You know, if you're lucky, I'll do you on top of the hood before the night is over."

She winked. "If you're lucky, I'll let you."

He had to readjust as he walked to the driver's side and slid behind the wheel. "Where to?" he asked.

"Brother's, over on main," Sam told him. "Owned by some bad ass named Gina, and her husband. They don't play anything newer than the eighties and the booze is decent and cheap."

Ryan nodded. "It's usually a stop for the hunters on their way through. She's on the up-and-up. Got a sister that's a nurse, sometimes she patches up our...associates."

Dean gunned the engine and they headed toward the bar. Once he stopped the car, Dean let out a whistle as he stepped out. The place looked like all the million and one dive bars he'd ever visited in his life. It made him feel at home. "This place reminds me of Ellen's," he commented softly as he helped Ryan out.

She didn't let go of his hand, did, in fact, squeeze it a little as she laced her fingers through his. "Yeah, it does."

"How come you haven't brought me here before?"

She shrugged. "When do we ever have time to go to a bar?"

She wasn't wrong. They walked in and made a beeline for one of the small booths. A sexy Puerto Rican chick walked over and grinned at Ryan. "Well, well, well, long time no see, Ryan."

Ryan stood and offered the woman a hug. "Hey, G. Sorry, I've been busy."

"Those kids are growing like weeds, I'm sure."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, they're not babies anymore."

"Ugh. Tell me about it. My three are all in either high school or college. I feel old." She glanced at Dean. "So, this is him, huh?"

Ryan smiled and squeezed a little closer to Dean. "Yeah."

Gina's eyebrow rose. "Well, watch out. Guys in flannel with those kinds of smiles cause nothing but trouble." She grinned. "The best kind of trouble. I should know. I married one."

Ryan giggled and held out her hand. "So did I."

"Girl! Congrats! No wonder I've not seen you lately. You're too busy with marriage and raising kids and running the call center for the...you know."

Ryan nodded. "Dean's a hunter, too."

Gina appraised him again. "Of course he is. I'm not surprised." She turned her eyes to Sam. "Sam, Andy, how's the two love birds? Still in the honeymoon stages, even after all this time?"

"You know it!" Andy enthused. "What's the special? I'm thirsty."

"You're also already buzzed, I can tell," Gina chuckled. "I got dollar margaritas for you two. The boys, I've got Bud on draft or in the bottle."

"Perfect."

She nodded and walked off, yelling at the guy behind the bar, Dean could only assume was her husband. She was back before long, also bringing a basket of fries, claiming to know how Andy was when she got drunk. Dean wondered what she meant by that, but then the girls were both up looking at the jukebox while he and Sam nursed their beers.

"Did you ever think we'd get this lucky?" Sam asked softly as he smiled where Ryan and Andy were giggling as they perused the music selection.

Dean shook his head. "No. Never. Some days...some days, it's easy to forget all the crap, isn't it?"

Sam nodded. "Tonight is one of those nights. Let's just enjoy it."

Dean smiled as Ryan began walking back to him. "Sounds like a plan to me." He looked up at her as she grabbed his hand.

"Dance with me," she commanded.

He opened his mouth to complain, but the "The Joker" by The Steve Miller Band came on, and who was he to refuse his woman and Steve Miller? He stood and pulled her into his arms with a little, "Oh!" from her and he was all smiles as he started mouthing the words,

_**People talk about me baby**_

_**Say I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong**_

_**But don't you worry baby don't worry**_

_**Cause I'm right here at home **_

He'd always liked this song and having her here, in his arms, smiling sweetly as she laid her head on his chest, well, it soon became one of his favorites. A good memory to tuck into the back of his brain.

They spent a few hours in that bar, drinking, playing pool, darts, just...being themselves, not burdened by prophecies, parenthood, or problems. By the time they left as last call, the girls were well on their way to being lit. Dean liked drunk Ryan. She was all giggles and hands and biting that damn lip and she was driving him crazy. She flopped into the passenger seat and as soon as Dean cranked the car, she started screwing with the radio. "I know, I know, driver picks music, but I'll pick something ya like, sugar," she crooned, that southern accent coming more into play and driving him up the damn wall.

He heard the familiar wail of a guitar riff and both girls shrieked in excitement as "Slow Ride" came on and he could do nothing but laugh as they belted it out at the tops of their lungs. He exchanged a look with Sam from the backseat and they both shrugged and sang along loudly, too.

"I don't wanna go home," Ryan pouted after the song went off and she turned the music down.

"Where you want to go?" Dean asked as he looked at her.

She smiled and turned around in the seat, literally, put her knees on the seat and turned to look at Sam. "Make a Wally-World run. Go get us more beers. Let's go to the lake."

Sam groaned. "Ryan..."

"Oh! Please!?" Andy began whining.

Sam let out a great suffering breath and nodded. "Fine."

"Yay!" Ryan clapped her hands like a child and directed Dean to Wal-Mart, where he dropped Sam off at the grocery side. Sam emerged ten minutes later, loaded down with booze and a bit more food to soak up some of the alcohol in their girls' stomachs. "Did you get...?" Ryan began, but Sam just held up a hand.

"Yes, Ryan, I got Combos."

"Oh! And did you get..." Andy started, but Sam just chuckled.

"Yes, babe, I got Cheese-Its." At Dean's look, Sam shrugged. "I know what they like when they're drunk." He paused. "I also went out on a limb and got not only Gummy Bears, but some of those little chocolate candy bars..."

Andy let out some kind of noise and all but attacked Sam. Dean's eyes grew wide and he quickly turned around. If it was turning into National Geographic in the backseat, he sure as hell didn't need to see.

He drove until he made it to the lake near the bunker and killed the engine. He stood and smiled in the moonlight as he walked over to Ryan's side of the car. He barely spared Andy and Sam a glance as he heard Andy muttering something about fucking in the moonlight as she pulled Sam toward the woods. "Don't get eaten!" Dean called after them.

"He's getting eaten, alright!" Andy called back. "By me!"

Dean winced. "You know, there are times when you just don't need that much information about your brother's sex life."

Ryan giggled as she stood. "Well, if they're going to be busy..."

He pulled her to him for a searing kiss. "Are you horny, baby?" he asked her softly. The way things had been going lately...the demon stuff, Ryan's depression...they'd not had sex in so long, then, at the cabin, they did, but she still hadn't quite been back to normal.

He watched as she licked her lips. "I'm sorry I've..." he put a finger on her lips.

"No, Ryan, don't apologize. You can't control it. It's okay."

"I love you," she told him with tears in her eyes. "Whatever did I do to deserve you?"

He shook his head. "I'm the lucky one, Ryan," he stated as he picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck as he took her to the hood of the car and sat her on it. He pulled back and just looked at her. She was drunk, yes, but she wasn't out of it drunk. He wouldn't do this if she weren't at least somewhat in control, wife or not. "You okay?"

She smiled softly and closed her eyes. "I'm great."

"Good. Because I'm going to make love to you now."

She opened one eye and smirked. He heard a "thunk, thunk," as both her boots fell off and onto the ground. She leaned back on her elbows as he unfastened her jeans and slid them from her body. "Oh!" she gasped. "The hood is warm."

He smirked as he pulled her panties off, too. "Good."

She bit that damn lip again and he whined with need. "You reduce me to nothing but a puddle of want, Ryan."

She giggled slightly as she sat back up and her hand moved to unfasten his pants. "I would apologize..."

"But you wouldn't mean it, I know."

She licked those lips again and he couldn't help but to capture that tongue, sucking it slightly before thrusting his own tongue into her mouth.

She moaned and grasped his shoulders as he moved back to her. Her legs moved once more around him and he found himself right _there_. "Now, baby," she purred as she kissed his ear, and he thrust, joining them.

She let out a long moan of pleasure as his hands began to move all over her. She held onto him for dear life as he began to rock, finding that pace that drove them both wild. He took her up and over the precipice, and she all but slid, boneless, back on the hood and he watched as she reveled in the sensations he was bringing out in her yet again. She really was a gorgeous creature. And she was all his. Forever.

By the time Sam came walking back up, a sleeping Andy in his arms, Ryan was tucked into Dean's side, sound asleep, on the hood where they were laying. Sam smiled. "I remember laying on that hood with you, star gazing some nights, between hunts."

Dean chortled. "Pretty sure I didn't get a happy ending like I did tonight, though."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Same goes," he countered.

"Should we get them home?"

Sam nodded. "Probably."

Dean slipped his arm out from under Ryan's head and he slid off the hood before he picked her up and carried her over to the passenger side. "Backseat?" he inquired.

Sam had just finished putting Andy inside and nodded. "That's probably for the best. I'm wired, man. Let them sleep a little."

Dean situated Ryan and she let out a little whimper, but only for a moment before Andy found her way into Ryan's arms and they curled around each other. Dean's eyebrow shot up. "I think I just found a new image for my spank bank."

Sam punched him on the arm and they both chuckled as Dean walked around to the trunk of the car.

"What you looking for?" Sam asked as Dean began rummaging around. The trunk was kept just like Dean used to. All the weapons were stored in exactly the same place. Ben was definitely his, there was no doubting that one.

Dean dug underneath the weapons and found the little niche he usually kept a spare bottle of booze in. Thankfully, Ben had a full bottle. He'd replace it tomorrow. "Got it." He brought out the bottle of whiskey. "Can I tempt you?" he inquired.

Sam nodded. "Sure. Why not?'

They moved back to the front of the car and Sam looked at it. "Did you two really just..." At Dean's smile, Sam shrugged and sat, leaning back on the windshield. Dean joined him and the two traded the bottle back and forth a few times as they gazed up at the stars. "Not to make it a chick-flick, but I've really enjoyed tonight. It's nice to not be a grown up for once, you know?"

Dean chuckled as he swigged the alcohol. "Side benefit; being able to drink."

"True," Sam agreed as he took the bottle back. "I'm glad we could do this."

"Me too," Dean answered truthfully. "Me too."

They sat like that, talking in soft voices, until the sun began to light the sky. "We should get them home," Sam stated on a yawn.

Dean nodded. "Sure. Let's go." They got in the car and Sam smiled goofily. "What?"

Sam shrugged and shook his head. "Nothing. It's just...it reminds me of the old days."

"You're not getting sentimental over there, are you Francis?"

Sam shot him a narrowed glance. "Just drive the car."

Dean chuckled under his breath and gunned the engine.


	35. Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything in this story except parts of the concept. And even that? Yeah, well, just don't sue, okay? I'm broke.

**Author's Note: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I shoulda got this out last week, but I had Girl Scout camporee to plan for and trust me...that's an ordeal. Now I'm sick, but at least I'm posting. I'll try to do better next week. **

**Okay, so, this chapter spans a few years. Reason? I've got a big, dirty little secret I've been keeping from you all. The plot twist? Yeah, It's a doozy. So I'm going to compress a few years into this chapter simply because I don't want it to become monotonous for you guys. Hopefully you enjoy where this chapter takes us. The next one has a nasty little surprise in it. But remember! I love Dean and I want him to have a happy ending, okay? So...don't write me off just yet. Angst seems to be my middle name lately. Funny...I thought it was Danielle. LOL **

* * *

**August Twenty Seventh**

**Dean POV **

Dean had just propped back to enjoy a beer and a movie with Ryan when Hope literally popped in. "Hey, Dad...got a problem."

Dean groaned and sat up, taking his arm from around Ryan's shoulders and looked at his daughter. "What?"

"The leader of the Grand Coven is dead."

Dean groaned louder and hung his head. He so didn't need a regime change at this particular time in life. "How?"

"A new spell she was trying backfired."

His brows furrowed. "She was like, two thousand years old. How in the hell did she do that?"

Hope grimaced. "Well, if it's any consolation, she's splattered all over an acre of land out in Nebraska."

Dean's nose curled. "Nasty. So...why's this my issue?"

"The new coven leader requests a meeting."

"And you're here...?"

"Because I'm Heaven's liaison between us and the witches."

"Heaven needs to liaise with witches?"

"When they're as powerful as the Grand Coven, yes."

"Fabulous," Dean stated drolly. "Well, call down, have Bela set up a meeting..."

"He's, uh, kind of here."

"Here? Now? You brought him to our house!?"

She nodded. "He said he needed to see you. Said he knows you."

Dean sighed. "I don't know any witches..."

"Come on then, surely you're not forgetting your run in with me, eh, your kingship?" a voice with a thick brogue stated.

Dean's eyes narrowed as he took in the figure. Dean would be hard pressed to forget the man. "I remember you. You screwed me out of years off my life!"

The witch smiled. "I did no such thing. 'T'isn't my fault you're such a terrible poker player."

"Hey!" Ryan stated defensively. "I taught him how to play poker!"

The man's smile grew as he crossed to Ryan in two strides and kissed her hand. "And if I were playing you, I'd have let you keep the years just to watch you. I bet you're a hell of a player."

Ryan just looked at him. "I'm married to the King of Hell. Sweet talk doesn't work on me. I've seen it and heard it all."

The witch bowed low. "And a fine lady you've got there, Your Highness. She's trouble. Thankfully she never went the way of the witches. She would have bested poor Rowena much faster than you."

"Watch it, Patrick," Hope warned with a growl. "I told you I would let you have a moment with the king. I never said you could have that time to bitch at him for killing your cousin."

"Cousin?" Dean asked, incredulous, he thought Rowena was Scottish originally. Wasn't Patrick Irish? Patrick ignored him, though, as he smiled at Hope.

"Come now, Hope, after all this time...all the fun we've had?"

"Hope?" Ryan inquired softly.

The man smiled again. "Your daughter's one hell of a witch herself, angel or no. Always has been, no matter what form she's taken."

"And you've always been a cad," Hope shot back. "If I'd have had any sense, I would have turned you into a toad centuries ago."

"Aye, but you liked me."

Hope rolled her eyes, but she smiled. "Well, you've always been truthful, in a round about sort of way."

"I take it you two knew one another before. Please tell me you two didn't..."

Both of them made faces. "She was a man at the time. No, we were mates, but not that."

Hope's nose wrinkled. "Uh, no. Pat...he's nothing but trouble, much like Loki."

"Ah! And how is dear old Loki? Haven't heard from him in ages."

Hope's answer was guarded as she told him, "He's been busy. I'll tell him you asked about him."

"You do that. Now, where can we set up business? I've a binding spell that needs to be created. I'm not officially the grand coven leader until I've been sworn in. Have you another witch on hand I can borrow for a time?"

Hope smiled. "My friend, Kris. She can help you."

"Hope!" Dean shouted. "Kris can't..."

Hope's smile only grew. "She's a hunter, Patrick, but she's also one hell of a witch. She can weave a spell with the best of them."

"I can't talk her over to our side?"

"No. She definitely stays on the white side of magic."

"Unlike you."

"I...toe the line," Hope stated cautiously.

"Like Loki did?"

Hope laughed at that. "Oh no. Loki traveled so far over the line, it wasn't even a dot to him. Trust me on that. But Kris, she's one of the good ones. Please don't try to sway her. If you do, her husband might just decide to end you."

"What can a petty human do to me?"

Hope shot him a look. "That petty human? He's the king of Hell's son."

"Blimey," he cursed as he looked at Dean. "You seriously have connections everywhere, don't you, Your Highness?"

"I really wish you'd stop calling me that," Dean told him. "You can call me Dean if you'd like."

Patrick smiled. "Thank you. Now, where is a good place?"

"There is a wooded area near here. I'll pop down, get the supplies we will need, then go get Kris."

"Uh, Hope, a minute?" Dean asked. She walked over and he whispered, "Do you think this is wise?"

Hope smirked. "If we're there to watch him, we can keep an eye on him. Aren't Kris and Ben at the bunker tonight?"

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Don't worry, I'm keeping quite a bit from him. But we need him to take over the coven. If it isn't him, it's Lucrecia and believe me when I say, you've not seen trouble until you've seen her. Patrick has been lost since his lover died years ago. He's ready to settle down, find another mate, he'll be good for the coven, for us."

"And if he isn't?"

Hope just stared into Dean's eyes. "I'll kill him."

Dean sucked in a breath and blew it out. "Fine. Go get Kris. I'll take your buddy over here to the woods. The ones near the bunker?"

Hope nodded. "I think that would be best."

"Okay. But if this goes sideways..."

"It'll be fine, Dad."

"Famous last words," he muttered as she winked out of sight. He turned to Patrick. "Alright, Patty, let's go."

It took Hope no time at all to gather the ingredients and meet Dean and Patrick, bringing Krissy and a grumbling Ben behind her. "You know, I'm tired. I don't need to be out here babysitting some witch..."

"Would you shut up," Krissy was telling him. "Suck it up, Buttercup," she tacked on with a giggle.

"Well, let me see this gorgeous specimen," Patrick stated as he walked over to Krissy. "Hope says you're the witch to watch."

Even in the dark, by the light of the weak fire starting under the caldron, Dean could see her blush. "Well, I don't know about that..."

"You're very gifted," Hope told her with a smile. "I know you don't want to delve into the dark stuff, and I don't want you to, but what you do, you're very good at it."

"I don't want her dabbling at all," Ben stated petulantly. "Nothing good comes from witchcraft."

"Oh, you're just mad I made you a woman," she shot back at him.

Dean's eyebrow rose. "You didn't."

"I did."

Dean exchanged a look with Ben. "Dude. I'm so sorry."

Ben shivered and grimaced. "It was terrible. Tampons and blood everywhere and..."

"Kris!" Hope exclaimed. "You didn't tell me you two switched when..."

Krissy shrugged. "It wasn't supposed to be, but, well, shit happens."

"Kris..." Ben stated quietly, but Krissy just shook her head. "We need to get started, right?"

Dean might not have been the smartest demon on the planet, but he knew there was something wrong with Krissy. She didn't seem as happy or even as sarcastic as usual. So, when she walked over and began taking inventory of what Hope had brought, Dean took that as his opportunity to go over to her. "Kris?"

She blinked and looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

She sucked in a breath. "Not really."

"Want to talk about it?" At her look and raised eyebrow, he followed with, "Okay, maybe I'm not the person to talk to, but..."

"No...I think you're exactly who I need to talk to. After we get this situated?"

He nodded. "Sure. You and Ben aren't...I mean, he's not pissed about the whole thing, is he?"

Krissy looked over at Ben, who was building up the fire while talking to his sister and a small, genuine smile graced her features. "No, Ben's great. I never thought I'd find someone like him. That he'd ever want someone like me..."

Dean smiled at that. "He's a good one. But you're a good one, too."

At that, she frowned. "Sometimes, I don't feel like it." When she didn't elaborate, Dean put a hand on her shoulder. She sucked in a breath, and placing her hand over his, squeezed it before she pulled away. "Okay, so, give me the run down of this spell..."

It was long, complicated, and Dean zoned out for a bit, propped up against the Impala Ben had driven to the site. "This sucks," Ben growled as he folded his arms.

"What?"

"She's over there fangirling over Patrick and he's like, complimenting the shit out of her and it's pissing me off!"

Dean chuckled. "Well, one thing about it, you don't have to worry about her leaving you for him. She seems pretty happy with you."

Ben sighed. "Really? Cuz I'm not so sure."

"What's going on with you two? I mean, not that I'm the leader of relationship advice, but something's up. You're not pissed about the whole body switching thing, are you?"

At that, Ben smirked. "No, not really. It was kind of cool, actually. I just...we weren't as careful as we should have been. She's blaming herself for it and..." he shook his head. "We're fine. It's just...it scared her. She's afraid of how good she is at the witchcraft. When it was her and Hope doing Men of Letter's spells, it was fine. But she's branching out some and some of the things that have happened lately have led her to believe she's being punished."

Dean's brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

Ben frowned. "I can't. Not yet. It's fine. It will be fine, in any case, but she's just kind of freaked out and if she's freaked out, I'm freaked out and I think we need a break."

"From each other?"

"God no. From hunting, the business. Just...a little time off."

"You should take off then. If I've learned anything, it's that you need to spend time with the ones you love. One day you may wake up and they're gone."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll tell Ryan in the morning."

"I'll tell her. Let Kris finish this up, then you two high-tail it out of here. Go, get some sun, something. Get away from monsters for a while. Enjoy each other."

Ben just looked at him.

"What?"

Ben grinned. "Dude, you're becoming Doctor Phil."

"Shut up."

The sun was rising by the time the spell had been cast and Patrick was officially the Grand Coven leader. "Now, I'll call Bela, have her set up a meeting with you to discuss a few things," Dean growled. He had planned on having a nice, quiet evening with Ryan. Not this...crap.

He called for Bela and she popped topside with an irritated, "What?! Do you not realize when you're not there, it is literally like hell breaking loose? Everyone thinks they're my friend and all I want to do is strangle them. And then you have the audacity to call me. I am not at your beck and call, oh mighty king! No matter what! I may answer to you, but I will never come like some sort of lap dog!"

Dean's eyebrow popped. "Thanks for that, Bells, but I already knew all of that. You've bitched me out before, remember? And I'm sorry to bother you, but the Grand Coven has a new leader and he needs to make an appointment to discuss business. Would you be willing to handle this, or should I get one of the piss-ants to deal with him? Personally, I'd push this off on some poor intern, but I know you like to have a hand in all the business dealings."

Bela glared at him a moment before she turned to Patrick. "You there. You're the one that's causing me trouble?"

Patrick, who hadn't been able to take his eyes off Bela, blinked. "M-Me?"

Bela sighed and turned back to Dean. "Are we certain he's the best the Grand Coven have to offer? He isn't much to look at."

Dean heard Hope chuckle next to him and his eyebrow went up as Hope muttered something about "heart eyes" to Krissy. He'd have to ask what that was about.

"Patrick, my name is Patrick," the witch said to Bela as he bowed low. He kissed Bela's hand and smiled at her. "You are the most gorgeous, the sexiest creature I've ever seen. And I would be honored to worship you for the rest of me life."

Bela glared at him and wrenched her hand away from his grasp. "Please. If I wanted a lapdog, I would by a Corgi."

Patrick, who it seemed had gotten himself centered enough not to make a total ass of himself, smirked. "Are ye sure you won't be having a setter instead? They're obedient and loyal to a fault."

Bela's eyebrow rose. "Are you actually flirting with a knight of Hell?"

"I don't know. 'Tis it working?"

The corner of Bela's mouth lifted, just slightly. "We'll see." She turned to Dean, who was slightly dumbfounded at the exchange between the witch and demon. "I'll deal with him. Go, enjoy your evening." She grasped Patrick's arm, and they both disappeared.

"What, uh, what just happened?" Dean asked.

Hope and Krissy both giggled. "Looks like your knight found a new playmate."

Dean winced. "I hope she doesn't kill him. I'd like for him to stick around just so we don't have to go through more paperwork."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure killing him is the last thing from her mind," Krissy offered.

"Yeah, she's probably going to f-ah..." Hope rubbed the back of her neck as she blushed. "Anyway, I think they're good to go. I'd give her a little space, Dad, just to be on the safe side."

Dean shot his daughter a look. He wasn't sure how he liked the idea of the Grand Coven leader literally getting into bed with one of his knights. He'd have to keep an eye on the situation. Not because Bela couldn't handle herself, but because of what she could potentially do to poor Patrick. Dean still didn't like witches, but he knew what Bela was capable of. "If you're sure..."

"Can we go now?" Ben inquired as he came back from putting the fire out.

Krissy looked at the sky. "Why don't you and Hope go to Ryan's for breakfast? I just want to take a shower to get the smell of the woodsmoke and magic off of me, then Dean and I will follow you over."

"You want to fly demon air?" Dean inquired, surprised.

Kris shrugged. "I like to live dangerously."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked suddenly.

"Yes, Ben. I'm sure."

Dean resisted the urge to shiver at the cold blowing off the comment.

Ben sighed and inclined his head toward Hope. "Come on, sis. Let's go get some grub."

Hope exchanged a look with Dean, who smiled, trying, wordlessly, to convey that he would attempt to figure out what the hell was going on between the couple.

"Okay, well, just leave the rest of this, I'll clean it up later," Hope told Krissy. "I'm starving."

"You're always starving," Ben shot at her.

"You're one to talk. You'd better be careful, you'll get a spare tire around that midsection, old man."

"Watch it, Angel-Face. I can end you, you know."

"Just try it, cupcake."

"Don't make me," he teased as they got in the car. The rest of their banter was lost as Ben cranked the car, gunned the engine, and drove off.

Dean heard Krissy sigh. "Okay. Spill," he told her as he turned around. To his surprise, she was sobbing. He walked over to her and snagged her under her arm just as she was going to the ground. "Okay, come on, none of that." He guided her over to a fallen log and put his arm around her shoulders. "Seriously, Kris, what's going on?"

She sucked in a few breaths and finally managed to eek out, "I screwed up."

Dean nodded. "Okay. You screwed up. You can fix it. Hell, Sam and I broke the world. I think your screw up will be significantly less damaging."

"Not to me. Not to Ben..."

That comment scared him. "What happened?"

She tried to speak, but the sobs overtook her again. Dean just held her as she cried. This was a side he'd never seen of Krissy. Truthfully, he didn't know she even had a soft side, though he figured she probably did, since she was a girl. He sat there, arm around her, giving her little squeezes of comfort, until she got the tears under control again.

"I don't want a family," she began.

"Oooookay..."

She sighed. "I mean, we're hunters. We live, we die. It's what we do. I didn't have a normal, stable environment after my mom died, so, I just figured kids were out of the question, you know?"

Dean nodded, unsure where this was going, but he knew, somehow he knew, he needed to be the one there for her. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because he'd always felt particularly paternal over the young hunter she once was.

"So, we were cool, Ben and me. I mean, we'd decided, and that was that, you know?"

Again, Dean nodded. It wasn't his time to speak. It would come. Eventually she would need for him to help her, to offer her words of comfort, words of consolation, whatever.

"And then, Tory died."

Dean sucked in a breath. He'd seen what damage Tory's death had done to everyone in his family. It hadn't occurred to him it would have hurt Krissy just as much as Hope. Krissy had hunted with Tory, in the beginning.

Kris looked out into the lightening meadow around them, and Dean did, too. There were wildflowers blooming and there was a slight breeze blowing them, shaking off the dew from the night before. It was calm. Peaceful. "When Tory died, it made me see my own mortality. I wasn't...I thought about kids then. Not that I wanted any, just...it occurred to me, Ben's your only human kid. Who else will continue the bloodline, you know?"

"There are plenty of hunters, Kris. It doesn't have to be..."

"I know. And that's what Ben said. He didn't want kids, either. So, we were cool."

Dean swallowed. He wasn't sure he was liking where this particular road was taking them.

"Then, Hope showed up and you and Ryan were switched. I talked to Ben about it, after we got you fixed, and, well, we decided to go for it."

Dean's brow furrowed. "Okay."

"So...we liked it. It was weird. It was different. I won't go into detail. We liked it, and we switched back. No big deal." She took another deep breath. "Then, a few months ago, we decided to do it again. I gathered the ingredients, we did the spell, and as soon as we switched, I felt it...something was wrong. Ben felt it too, as soon as he got into my body. I didn't...I couldn't...had I known..."

Dread pitted in Dean's stomach. "Kris, what happened?"

"I was pregnant!" she shouted as she sobbed into his shoulder.

It didn't take a brain surgeon to put two and two together. "The spell, it caused a miscarriage?"

She nodded as her tears soaked his shirt, down to his skin.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he began rocking. It sucked. He'd never lived through that with someone, but he could only imagine how much it would tear a person up. "What happened next?"

She sniffed and wiped her eyes angrily. "The spell...it wouldn't work back. I couldn't...the damage was already done. But it wouldn't let me change back. Ben...Ben had to live through it."

Dean felt almost sick to his stomach. "How's he doing? How are you doing?"

"We're managing. I feel so bad. He had to live through that and I...I almost feel cheated. Isn't that terrible? It's like...I can't grieve the same way. It doesn't make sense..."

"It's your heart, Kris. When your heart is involved, it screws things up royally."

"When did you become so sage?"

He smiled at that. "I've always been wise. I'm not Sam wise, but I'm smart about some things."

The comment got a tiny smile out of her and he hugged her again, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Look, this is something the two of you need to work through. Talk about it."

"Dean Winchester is encouraging me to talk? What is this world coming to?"

"Ha, ha, ha," he growled. "But seriously, I told Ben the two of you need to take a break. Don't hunt for a while. Go on vacation. Do something. Spend some time together. Maybe you don't want kids. But maybe, just maybe, you do. And you know, if you do, Ryan would be over the fucking moon about it. And she'd do you just like she's done Sam and Andy. She'll bench ya, but it's worth it."

"Is it? Really?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I can't answer that. Only you and Ben can."

She gave him another small smile and hugged him again. "Thank you, Dean, for talking to me. I knew if I tried to talk to Hope or Ryan, or even Andy, I'd get too emotional and I'd..." she took a breath. "I just think it was you I needed to talk to."

He smiled at her. "It's my pleasure, Kris. I love you, too, girl."

Her smile grew as she stood. "Say, you think you could mojo us back to the bunker? I don't feel like walking and I need a shower."

He chuckled. "Sure. Just for you."

"And, uh, could you not tell anyone? Not even Ryan? I mean, if Ben and I decide to talk..."

Dean held up a hand. "Say no more. Your secret's safe with me. If you feel like it, definitely tell. But if not, I get it. Not everyone needs to know all of your business."

"You're the best father-slash-father-in-law-slash-demon overlord I've ever met."

He frowned playfully. "Thanks. I think."

She giggled and took his hand. "Come on. I'm hungry now. Let's move."

He grasped her hand tighter as he imagined them at the bunker. She and Ben would be okay, he knew it. Now, he just had to get this thing with Bela straightened out. He didn't mind her having a little fun, but warnings needed to be in place.

He spent the day with Ryan and the kids, he was there when Ben and Kris told Ryan they needed some time off, he agreed to step up and help hunt with the boys if necessary (he still didn't want Ryan hunting) and finally, finally, he was able to pop back down to Hell to talk to Bela.

He dropped by his office for a few minutes and then headed to Bela's floor. As per his usual, he didn't bother knocking, but walked in...to find Bela and Patrick in a compromising position on top of Bela's desk. "Damn it! Really?" he growled.

"Ever hear of knocking?" Bela stated drolly as she pushed Patrick away with her foot, smoothed her skirt down, and wrapped her shirt around herself.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Witches, man. Seriously?" He glared at Patrick. "Dude. Promise you'll never worship me that way, okay?"

Patrick smiled and wiped his mouth. "Yeah, right, your kingship. You wish."

Dean shrugged. "Oh well, I wouldn't worry so much about you worshiping me as much as I'd worry about how Bells there has worshiped at the temple of Dean."

Bela's eyes narrowed and Dean added with a smirk, "What? Admit it. You can't compare the two. It's like comparing apples and...well...smaller apples."

"You know, if the smaller apples represent your little rattle snake there compared to Patrick's anaconda, then no, you can't compare the two."

Dean's mouth fell open. "Excuse me?"

Bela simply smiled. "Well, Dean, since you love comparing apples to 'smaller' apples, how about we fetch Ryan and Sam? I'd be delighted to find out how small your 'apples' are in comparison. Right before Ryan strips them from you and bakes them into a pie, that is."

Dean glared at Bela and Bela glared right back. "You're an evil wench, Bela."

She smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. "I know. Now, would you please leave me and my minion alone? I have yet to meet my quota of orgasms for the day and Patrick has willingly agreed to provide them for me. He's got a whirling dervish for a tongue, this no good Irish bastard."

"You love it," Patrick growled as he attacked her.

Dean rolled his eyes, turned around, and walked out the door, taking care to flip the lock as he left. He had the feeling he'd just been bested by his knight. No doubt, he'd be hearing about this again. Soon.

* * *

**November Twenty-Sixth**

Thanksgiving was always a big affair. Not as big as Christmas, but it was still a day full of food and fun. So, when Ben and Kris stood up after dinner, Dean managed to just barely hide the smile. He had the feeling he knew what was coming. Ben tapped on his beer bottle with a fork to get everyone's attention. He looked shy, somewhat flustered, and still a bit in shock. "Uh, everybody? We, uh, Kris and I..." His cheeks turned red and he rubbed the back of his neck.

Kris rolled her eyes. "WE'RE PREGNANT!" she shouted.

The room was automatically abuzz with congratulations and smiles and slaps on the back and hugs all around. Dean just sat back and watched. "Why do I have the feeling you already knew?" Ryan asked softly when she came back from hugging Kris and Ben.

Dean just smirked and shrugged.

"So...what do you think, Grandpa," Ben asked once the din died down.

Dean blinked. "Me?"

Ben shot him a look. "Last time I checked, you're my dad, so, yeah, you."

Dean beamed. Never, in all of his days, through angels and demons and crossroads deals and mystical marks did he ever think he'd hear that directed at him. "I think I like Pop-Pop better, thank you."

"Oh! And Ryan can be Nana!" Krissy exclaimed.

"I...I can?"

Krissy's smile was soft as Ben said, "Of course. I mean, I'd love for Mom to be here, but you're all our mom. So, of course you'll be the kid's grandma."

That was when the waterworks started as Ryan ran over to hug Kris again for all she was worth. Dean shook Ben's hand. "Thank you, Ben," he stated softly.

"For what?"

"For...for being an awesome adult."

Ben shrugged. "I had some pretty good teachers."

"Yeah, your mom was something."

Ben just smiled and shook his head. "She wasn't the only one," he offered as he gave Dean a pat on the shoulder.

* * *

**May Twenty-Fifth **

"Are-Are you sure?" Dean asked uncertainly.

Ben shot him a look and placed his son in Dean's arms. "I'm sure."

Dean looked down at his grandson and smiled. "Well, at least you're as pretty as your mom. The girls are gonna eat you alive."

Ryan smiled as she snapped a few pictures. "Do you guys have a name picked out? You've been pretty quiet about it."

Ben nodded. "We're going to call him Lee, after Krissy's dad, and kind of after Mom, too, since her name was Lisa."

"It's a good name," Dean commented as he looked at the boy. He was all red skin and soft, dark hair covering his head. The baby yawned and Dean smiled. "I'm glad I'm going to get to know you, kid."

"The room is all ready for you, when you're out of here," he heard Ryan tell Krissy.

"I kind of hate we're going to be crashing at your house, Ryan. We should have planned better..."

Ryan smiled. "That house has been your home since I took you in, Kris. Of course it's still your home. And the basement space gives you three a little bit of privacy. It'll be great. You know the boys like Ben being home anyway."

Dean smiled at that. Gabriel and Jonathan were both enjoying having Ben home, but they loved Krissy just as much. She had been like their big sister for years. "You want to hold him?" Dean asked Ryan.

"Of course I do. But I didn't want to steal him," Ryan stated softly as she took the baby from his arms. "Oh, Lee, you're so tiny."

"Ugh. Eight pounds, five ounces, with that giant Winchester head? Uh, no, there was nothing little about him," Krissy grumbled.

Ryan laughed. "Tell me about it. I had three of them. Thankfully it doesn't look like the kid has Sam's fivehead. Poor Andy..." The women shared a laugh.

"Hey. We don't have big heads," Dean began.

"Well, we kind of do," Ben countered. Then he grinned. "Of course, that's not the only thing we have big..."

"Ben!" Kris and Ryan chastised in unison.

"Look at that, she's already a mom," Dean commented about Krissy. "She's got this parenting thing down. Now, you, on the other hand...sorry, dude. I didn't help you much in that department."

Ben smiled. "That's okay. I'll figure it out. I'm a Winchester, too, you know."

That comment stayed on Dean's mind the whole time they finished visiting and as Ryan drove them home.

"What are you thinking about?" Ryan inquired softly.

"Ben said he was a Winchester."

The corner of her mouth lifted. "Yeah. He is."

"I just...I mean, I know he acknowledges me, but, it hit home then, you know?"

Ryan's smile grew and she nodded. "Yeah, I get it."

"Thank you, Ryan."

"For what?"

"For taking them all in. For not painting me as the bad guy. For just...being you."

She pulled into the Gas-N-Sip and put the car in park before she turned to him. "For one, it was never a choice. I knew I had to take them in. I wanted to. It was my job to be their mom when theirs wasn't there. For two, I could never have painted you as the bad guy. I loved you and that love only grew and now, look at us. So, there was no way I could paint you in a bad light."

"I still don't know how I got to be so lucky."

"You didn't, Dean. This...this isn't luck. I don't know what it is, but it isn't luck."

"Well, I don't care what it is. It's perfect."

"Our lives? Perfect?" she scoffed.

He leaned over and put his hand on her face. "Yeah. It's perfect. Perfect for me. And that's all I need."

* * *

**October Thirty First **

Dean noticed Ryan wringing her hands and reached over to put his hand atop hers. "Would you stop?"

"Are we doing the right thing?"

He shrugged. "You tell me."

She bit her lip and then squared her shoulders. "Yeah, we are."

He smiled and nodded. "Okay then. Boys!" he shouted. He heard two pairs of feet tromping down the stairs. Gabriel had turned fifteen in July. Today was Jon's twelfth birthday. They were no longer boys, not technically. Both of them were taking college courses online and Gabriel had been driving with a fake ID for the past year. They were ready for this.

Ryan took a deep breath, picked up her key ring from the coffee table and tossed her keys to her oldest son as he walked in the room.

Gabriel caught them deftly and looked at them. "What? Want me to go wash the car?"

Ryan shook her head.

"Have a seat, boys," Dean told them gravely.

The cambion and angel exchanged a look before they both sat on the couch. Ryan and Dean both took the wing backed chairs next to one another. "So, we've been thinking," Dean began.

"We've already talked to Sam, and he's in agreement with us."

"We feel you two have proven yourselves in your studies as well as with your powers."

Ryan smiled, though Dean could see it didn't quite reach her eyes. "So, we've decided to release you two out into the wild."

The boys blinked. "You mean..." Jon began.

"You mean, you're letting us go hunting?" Gabriel asked excitedly.

Ryan nodded and tossed a file to Jon, who caught it and opened it. "A siren in Omaha."

"How do you want us to...what do you want us to do?" Gabriel asked as Jon began flipping through what information was contained in the file.

"We want you to hunt the damn thing," Dean told them, attempting to keep the smile off of his face. "Of course, if you can't handle that..."

"Oh, we can handle it! Can't we, Jon?"

Jon's brow was furrowed as he read. "Are you sure we're ready?"

"Jon! Dude! Seriously?"

Ryan smiled a real smile at that. "You two are ready. And if something comes up and you need help, you can either call your father or sister, and they'll be there in a moment's notice."

"But...why now?"

Ryan licked her lips. "With Ben and Krissy out of the game, at least for now, we're a team short. You two are young, but you've got memories and experience and mojo on your side."

"Memories?" Jon's tone was innocent, but Dean knew his son better than that.

"I know Gabriel has been filtering you certain memories. It's fine. It's good he can. You'll need them out in the world."

"So...when do we leave?"

"Tomorrow. I'm sure you'll want to enjoy your birthday pies, first, right?" Jon was enough like Hope, like Dean, to rather have pie than cake. Gabriel was a cake man, though, like his mom. Cake was Ryan's favorite. Yellow cake, chocolate icing, actually. But Jonathan's first love would always be pie.

Jon grinned. "Well, there's always room for pie, Mom."

She smiled again. "Alright, you're leaving in the morning. Better make your plans and pack your bags. We're not helping you unless you get into trouble. We're here for research, just like we are for the rest of our hunters."

"What about the tattoos?" Gabriel asked.

"Yeah. I want one," Jon stated.

Ryan nodded slowly before she smiled. "You know, I've been meaning to get another one."

"Where?" Dean questioned.

She smirked. "Well, you could always come with me and find out."

"But they hurt, don't they?" Jon's voice suddenly held a hint of fear.

"Like a son of a bitch," Dean answered as he remembered getting his anti-possession tatt. "But you've died how many times, Jon? I think you'll be fine."

"I've died once, Dad, and I don't care to repeat it. Mom freaked out last time."

She shot him a look. "You try seeing someone you love dead and then get back to me, mister."

Jonathan shivered. "I don't want to see that," he all but whispered. He sat a bit straighter. "Well, we're hunters now. I'm the heir apparent. No need to be a wimp now."

Gabriel nodded. "Exactly. We can do it together. It's just a star tattoo. No big deal."

"Okay, I'll call over, set us up appointments for this afternoon. Dean? Do you want one?"

He thought a moment as an image came to his mind's eye. He had actually considered it before now, but he'd just not got around to it. "Yeah. Why not?"

The boys started talking animatedly about the best ways to end a siren and Ryan smiled as they rushed back upstairs to begin packing. Dean wrapped his arms around her and she sighed. "Look at them. So young. So eager to go get themselves killed..."

He kissed her neck. "They're Winchesters," he all but whispered in her ear. "I'm pretty sure trying to get yourself killed is hardwired."

"I'm scared, Dean."

He hugged her tightly. "It's their destiny, Ryan. They've got to go off and do this."

"I'm their mother. I'll support them in their journey. However, it doesn't mean I have to like it."

But Dean knew; he'd trained those boys out in the real world while Ryan was working through her inner demons. He'd taken them on real hunts, showed them how to actually kill the evil in the world. They were ready, far more ready than he'd been. Yes, they were young, some would say too young, but they both had powers on their side. They would be fine. They needed this bonding time. They would work closely together to keep peace in Hell and Purgatory. And he was pretty damn proud of them, too.

* * *

Six hours later, the four emerged from the tattoo parlor all smiles. Jon and Gabe were both proud owners of MOL tattoos, Ryan was sporting a starfish on her big toe, and Dean... "Do you think you got a big enough tattoo, sweetheart?" Ryan giggled.

"It's not that big," he commented.

She shook her head. "No, not size wise, but seriously? You felt the need to have my name written on you?"

"I'm yours. I damn well should be marked as such."

"You know, they say that's bad form, having someone's name on your body."

"You've got seven names tattooed on yours," he countered. "And mine's on there twice."

She smiled. Her ankle had all six of her 'kids' names on it, and Dean's was on her ribs, as well as the DW on her stomach. "Yeah, but still..."

He pulled her to him and kissed her tenderly. "I love seeing my name on your body, Ryan. I just...figured it was time I branded myself for you."

She smiled up at him. "You know, that's pretty damn sexy..."

He smirked. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah."

"Ugh. Come on. Quit making googly eyes at each other!" Gabriel groused. "I'm hungry!"

"You're always hungry," Ryan told him, but she was all smiles as she led the way to the car. "What ya say? Burgers and fries?"

"Happy birthday to me!" Jon shouted only seconds before he yelled, "Shotgun!"

Dean chuckled. "Tomorrow, you're going to be riding shotgun every damn day, son. Sit your ass in the backseat."

Jon and Gabriel exchanged a grin before they climbed into the back of Demon. "So, Mom, what are we driving? I mean, I don't have a ride," Gabriel asked.

Ryan ran her finger lovingly over the steering wheel. "This, Gabriel."

"You're giving me Demon?"

"I'm letting you borrow Demon," she amended. "But call it a trial basis. If you treat her right, I'll let you boys drive her."

"Really? Why?"

She shrugged. "Demon's a hunter's car. I'm not hunting anymore. She needs to be out on the open roads. Besides, Hope and Ben have taught you both everything you need to know about this car. You'll look after her a hell of a lot better than I have."

"Cool! Thanks, Mom!" Jon gushed as he slid into the back seat.

"Thanks, Mom," Gabriel stated softly. "I know what she means to you."

Ryan smiled as she looked at him in the rear view mirror. "I know you do. That's why I'm letting you take her."

* * *

After lunch, and once they arrived back at the house, Jon said, "Dad? Can I talk to you a minute?"

Dean's brows furrowed, but he nodded as he followed Jon to the back porch. "What is it?"

"When do I get to take The Mark?"

Dean's hand instinctively went to his right arm. "What?"

"I want to take it, so I can have it and you and Mom can be human."

Dean blew out a breath. "Jon, your mom and I are letting you go hunting, but you're still twelve years old. I know Gabe put a lot of knowledge in your head...but you're still a kid."

"The prophecies call me the boy king, Dad."

"And they thought that meant Sam at twenty-two. Look, being the ruler of hell is a big job. I'm not saying you can't handle it, because, kid, you're a Winchester. Handling shit is our M.O. But still...give it time. Go out there and have fun with Gabe. Enjoy the time you have being stupid kids. There will be plenty of time for responsibilities in the near future."

"I want this monster out of Mom," the boy all but whispered.

Dean put his hand on Jon's shoulder. "We all do, Jon. And we will get it out of her. But not by saddling you with this mark. Not yet."

"When?"

Dean thought a moment. "Twenty two."

"Fifteen," Jon countered.

Dean's eyebrow shot up. "You're haggling with me like I'm making a crossroads deal with you?"

"I want you and her human, Dad. I'm young, but I'm not stupid. I keep my mouth shut and my ears open. I hear things. This demon is in mom and it's getting worse because she's your soul mate. It's not your fault, but the longer you're a demon, the harder it will be to exterminate the one trying to claw its way out of her."

Dean sighed. "I should have known. You may look like me, but you're smart like Sam."

Jon smiled. "I'm smart like you, Dad."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "Twenty one?"

"Sixteen."

"Twenty. Final offer."

"Eighteen. Final offer."

"Split the difference?" Dean stated, defeated.

"Done."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "I'm not kissing you to make the deal."

Jon made a face. "Dude. That's twisted, even for a demon."

Dean chuckled and held out his hand. "A gentlemanly handshake, then?"

Jon nodded and the two clasped hands. Dean tugged on him and the boy lost his footing and fell into Dean's arms. "I'm proud of you, Jon," Dean whispered in his ear. "You're one of the best men I know."

"Thanks, Dad," Jon whispered, his voice thick with tears. "You won't regret this."

Dean pulled away and sighed again. "I already do."

"It's the way things have to be."

"That doesn't make it right."

"You think you're doing me a disservice. You aren't. This is my destiny. I take it with pride. You've never once shirked your responsibilities. Neither am I."

"You're shouldering too much, too young, Jon."

"I'm doing what I have to in order to keep my family safe. Family first, business second. Always."

"I respect it, respect you, Jon. It doesn't mean I have to like it."

Jon nodded. "I'm willing to accept that, sir."

Dean's mouth twitched. "Sir?"

Jon shrugged. "Eh, well, thought I'd try it on for size."

"And?"

"I like 'Dad' better."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

**November Ninth**

Dean popped topside with a smile. It was hard to believe, but today was Hope's 24th birthday. His smile turned to a frown, though, when he realized...she only had one more year on Earth before the angels made her stay in Heaven. He could only imagine what that would do to the family. But, he wouldn't focus on that. Not now. Today, he would focus on having fun with his family. Everyone would be there, including his boys. That caused a smile to reappear on his face. Gabriel and Jon were kicking ass and taking names. Between the angel mojo and demon powers, the two of them were an almost unstoppable team. They reminded him so much of him and Sam, some days, it brought a tear to his eye. They didn't act like kids, either. He was proud of them. They were like adults. The time had long since passed for Lego fights and sock monkeys, though, both boys' monkeys seem to have mysteriously vanished from their room. Dean wondered if they were hidden away in the bottom of the boys' rucksacks, but he didn't comment, and neither did Ryan. He knew Sammy had taken one of his stuffed animals, the ragged one he'd bought to replace his rabbit, with him to college, so he wouldn't dare razz his boys about it.

He walked into the house to find Ryan folding his clothes on their bed. "You could make me do that, you know," he commented.

She smiled and shrugged. "You bring home the bacon, I fry it up, right? Or something like that?"

He chortled and pulled her to him. "Come here, woman. I haven't seen you in days. I need your lips."

Her smile grew as his mouth descended to hers. His hands gripped her ass and his tongue snaked into her mouth, causing her to moan and clench her fists into his shirt. "Anyone else home?" he panted when he finally pulled away.

"Kris and the baby...they're in the kitchen..."

Dean smiled and used his powers to shut and lock the door. "Good. I need you. Now."

She let out a squeal as he pushed her roughly to the bed and giggled when he all but jumped onto her. Her giggles quickly turned to moans as he began playing her body like he knew how, kissing and touching each spot to bring her excitement and need. Before long, he had her panting and whining and completely naked. He stared down at her and smiled softly. "I love you."

Her own sweet smile looked back up at him. "I love you, too."

* * *

Later, she let out a groan. "Damn it, Dean, I'd just finished folding those clothes."

He glanced around at the mess strewn about the bed and shrugged. "Oops."

She shot him a look, but then she smiled. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me?" he offered.

She nodded. "Always." She stood and walked naked to the bathroom to clean up and he lay back, relaxed. Hell was its usual, but that didn't mean it was stress free. The crossroads demons were giving Bela a hard time. Of course, she was floating in the Patrick bubble, so she didn't really care how much they bitched and moaned. But when they came to Dean with their problems, he had to deal with them accordingly. Occasionally that meant torture, sometimes it meant more. It wasn't necessarily the highlights of his day.

He glanced at Ryan as she came walking back into the room. "Damn. I look at you and I want you all over again."

She smirked. "Later, tiger. I've got something I want to discuss with you first."

"Is this going to require pants?"

She giggled. "No." She slithered back onto the bed and threw the sheet over them both before snuggling into his side.

He pulled her tighter to him and kissed her. "Okay. Shoot."

"I don't want to live here anymore."

He blinked. "What? The house? Kansas? Where?"

"Here. In the house."

"You don't want to sell it, do you? This is the kids' house, Ryan, I mean, I know people move all the time, but I never had a house growing up. I think they deserve..."

She put a finger to his mouth to quiet him. "Stop talking and let me finish." She removed her finger, and when he didn't open his mouth again, she continued. "I don't want to live in this house. It's too big. And being upstairs, making Ben and Kris live down in the basement with the baby...it's not fair. So, I've decided to buy a little cottage for me and you. The kids, when they come in, they can stay here, they can keep their rooms if they'd like, or maybe they'll want to move their stuff to the basement and let Lee have their room. I just...I want Ben and Kris to have some kind of ownership of this house. They deserve it."

He kissed her once more. "I think, if you want to do it, then it's a great idea. But a cottage? Where?"

"I actually found a place. It's a little bungalow on the lake near the bunker. It's like, five minutes from here. It's tiny, like a retirement home. It's peaceful, too. I've been doing so well with the demon thing and the angel blood booster shots...I'm not hunting anymore...I'd just like a peaceful place, you know?"

He nodded. "I think that's a great idea, Ryan."

"Good. I was hoping you'd say that. I'm going this morning to sign the papers."

He smiled. "Well, one thing about you, no one can accuse you of being indecisive."

She laughed.

* * *

"So? What do you think?" she asked as Dean looked around.

When she'd said it was small, she wasn't kidding. But it was...quaint. It had a front porch that overlooked a small yard, long driveway, and wooded area, then, in the back, it had a sun room that went the length of the house and a porch the same length that overlooked the lake. It had a kitchen, small living area, and two tiny bedrooms. It did have a garage, and an outbuilding, but it was definitely smaller than the big ass house they lived in now. "I like it."

"It's small," she stated.

He nodded. "Yeah, but it's...I like it. I mean, I can see you drinking your coffee and reading a book out in the sun room. Hell, I might take up fishing..." She giggled and he pulled her to him. "I think, if this is what you want, we should go for it. Besides, we'll have what you wanted, right? The front porch and the rocking chairs for the grandkids?"

Two tears tracked down her cheeks as she nodded. "Yeah. I like that idea."

"Okay. Sold. We'll tell everyone tonight."

And they did just that. After dinner, dessert, and presents, Ryan stood. "I have an announcement."

Everyone looked at her expectantly, but of course, in true friendly fashion, Andy spoke up, "My god, you're not pregnant, are you?"

Ryan shot her friend a look. "Bite me, Andy. No, I'm not pregnant. But thank you for the concern. No, I have decided to move." There was an immediate buzz of talk, but she held up a hand. "I'm not going far, just to a small house on the lake." She smiled and looked at Krissy, who, Dean had noticed, had a slight worried expression on her face. Ryan walked over to their daughter-in-law and took her hands. "Kris, I know everything that has happened lately has been a lot, but I think, more than anyone, you're ready for this."

"Ready for what?"

Ryan smiled. "I want you and Ben to live here. I want you to take over Mama Bear status of the MOL, okay?"

"Me?"

Ryan nodded. "I'll still be here. I'm not going anywhere, trust me. But I want you and Ben to have the house. I don't need it anymore, and your family is just starting to grow." At Krissy's frightened expression, Ryan's smile grew. "Come on, Kris, you've got the taste for motherhood. You'll want another one. I did. It just...took a few years for the second one to fall into my lap." She reached over and grasped Ben's hand as well. "The two of you? You're our future. We're going to protect it at all costs. You two need a stable roof over your heads. This...it just makes good sense."

"Are you sure, Ryan?" Ben asked her softly.

"I've only been more sure of one thing." She looked over and smiled at Dean. "I should never have doubted him. Our lives would be different if I had followed my heart instead of listening to my head. Trust me when I say it's going to be fine. You two deserve this."

* * *

**ONE YEAR LATER**

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked Dean softly.

Dean shook his head. He actually felt sick. "This is wrong. I shouldn't...he shouldn't..."

Ryan smiled sadly. "Come on, let's get through this night, then it will all be over, good or bad."

"I can't...what if I destroy him? Ryan, he doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve this..."

"They've made their decisions, Dean. They're adults. It's time."

Dean sucked in a breath and blew it out. "It's not fair."

"Whoever said life was fair?" she countered. "This has to happen, Dean, you know it, I know it, they know it."

"It has to be today? It's her birthday."

"And the angels are sticklers for declaraitions. They told her they gave her to her twenty fifth birthday. I'm pretty sure her leaving at Eleven Fifty-Nine on her birthday night is cutting it pretty damn close."

"Jesse doesn't have to become a knight. He could wait. He could..."

"What, Dean? What could he do? He wants to be a knight of Hell because Hope will be in Heaven." She smiled sadly. "Now they're The River and The Highway."

His brows furrowed for a moment before he remembered...that's what she had called them. It was a song. "Every now and then, a bridge crosses over, right?"

She let out a little sob, but nodded. "Exactly."

"Talk about your last night on Earth..." he grumbled.

Ryan kissed him. "If we were separating like this, I'd want to spend every last moment with you."

"It was nice of you to get them a suite at the hotel for the past few days."

She shrugged. "There's nothing for our daughter I wouldn't do. This...this is going to be the hardest thing she's lived through, giving up the love of her existence. Just ask Cas."

"Yeah, but it's even worse for her. If she'd have fallen in love with a human, he would have at least made his way to Heaven..."

"She's a Winchester. God forbid we do anything easy."

He smiled at that. "Yeah, you're right. What time are they coming for dinner?"

"We're all meeting at the big house at six." They had started referring to Ryan's old house as 'The Big House' and that was still where everyone congregated. Krissy had always enjoyed learning to cook from Ryan, and Ben had liked cooking as well, so it was nothing for them to put on the big dinners for their huge family. However, Ryan was always in charge of the desserts.

Dean sniffed the air. "Cheesecake?"

Ryan smiled. "And just like that, your stomach overwhelms your other senses."

"I would apologize..."

"...But you wouldn't mean it. We've been over this before, haven't we?"

He pulled her to him. "How long does it have?"

"About thirty more minutes. Why?"

His smirk turned evil as he waggled his eyebrows. "I think that couch in the sun room needs breaking in."

She smiled coyly. "Is that a fact?"

"Yes."

She giggled, pulled away, and tugged her shirt over her head. "Well then, I suggest you come get me."

* * *

Dinner was a somber affair. Everyone felt it like a blow. Hope was leaving them, Jesse was leaving them, and yes, they would both be back, but it wouldn't be the same. Life was changing once again.

"Come on, you guys!" Hope exclaimed. "It's not the end of the world here!"

Dean looked at her. The kid was definitely his. She was trying to hard to hold it together by laughing, joking, but no one was buying it. It was almost worse than if she were dying. Though, he imagined if she were, it would be more traumatic. At least they would see her again this way, wouldn't they?

But everyone put on a brave face and tried harder to enjoy their last few hours together. Finally, the long dinner was over, and there were a lot of tears and hugs and kisses before Hope and Jesse followed Dean and Ryan back to their cottage. The young couple didn't want a whole crowd around as they said their final goodbyes. Dean didn't blame them. Hope did want her mom and dad there, however, Dean had made Ryan promise to go back into the house behind a salted door, just to be on the safe side when Dean turned Jesse. He wasn't one hundred percent certain what kind of demon Jesse would become. He didn't want to turn him, but he knew, it was what the kid wanted. So, Hope gave her mom one last hug, gave Dean one, then turned to Jesse.

Tears were rolling down her face as she laughed at herself. "You know what's bothering me the most? It's so fucking stupid..."

"What?" Jesse asked softly.

"I'm afraid...I'm afraid when you turn, you won't love me anymore."

"Babe," he whispered as he pulled her close and hugged her as she cried. "Hope Deanna Winchester Turner, you listen to me." He pulled her away from him slightly and grasped her chin so she would look into his eyes. "I love you. I've loved you almost since I met you. I know, I know, I'm half demon and you don't have a soul. We may not be soul mates but we're the closest thing. And I know I won't forget you. People don't forget girls like you whether they're a demon or a human or an angel or a damn vampire for that matter. They may try, but they'll never, ever forget what your love felt like. Believe me when I say I will never, in a million years, in a lifetime of being a demon, technically being on the wrong side of the tracks from you, never will I forget how much I love you. And guess what? I won't want to. I'll hold onto that love, no matter what."

"Promise?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "Until my dying day."

"You can't die. You'll be a demon."

He smiled. "Well, until your dad puts me in a cage, how about that?"

"Not funny," Dean growled slightly.

Jesse winced. "Sorry." He turned back to Hope. "It won't be much different, Hope. Sure, we won't be together, but we'll have time to spend. You'll have to come down here on occasion, and I'm sure the boss will let me pop topside occasionally, too. Don't worry. We'll be fine." He held up his hand where you could see the mark on his finger. "Until the end of time."

Hope held hers up and linked their fingers. "Until the end of time."

He smiled. "One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."

She blinked. "Did you seriously just quote Madame de Pompadour from Doctor Who?"

"Did you seriously just understand the quote?"

She giggled and threw her arms around his neck. "I love you, Jesse Turner."

"I love you, Hope, so very much. I swear, I won't be any different when you come back."

She put a hand on his face. "Yes, you will."

He nodded. "Okay, I will, but my love won't be. It will still be here, growing stronger each day. Forever."

She kissed him fervently causing Dean to close his eyes and turn, giving them a modicum of privacy. He felt a hand on his arm and he turned to look down at his daughter. "Thank you, Daddy, for taking care of Jesse. He'll need you."

Dean smiled at her. "I love ya, kid. Don't forget that, okay?"

She sucked in breath and nodded. "Okay, let's go get fitted for a halo..."

"You don't actually wear a halo, do you? I've always wondered."

She grinned. "No, Dad, we don't actually wear halos."

"Damn. Talk about a disappointment."

She giggled again. "I love you all. I'll be seeing you, sooner rather than later, I promise."

"You'd better. Your mom will have kittens if you don't pop down once in a while."

"I'll still come and give her booster shots. I promise. They can't make me stay in Heaven. I'll fall if I have to."

"If you fall, I feel like someone will kick your ass."

She smiled sadly. "If I rip out my grace, will you still love me?"

"I'd love you no matter what, kid, but you know you can't do that. You're a Winchester. You'll always think of others before you do yourself."

"Wish I'd have been born into a more selfish family," she groused sadly.

"Sorry, kid. Them's the breaks."

She nodded. "It's okay. I made my bed, now I'll lay in it. See you soon, okay?"

He nodded as tears clogged his throat. "See ya."

She walked to Jesse, gave him one last lingering kiss, then in a flap of wings, disappeared.

Dean heard the clock in town strike twelve and he looked at his son-in-law. "Well? You ready?"

Jesse swallowed hard. "Promise me, if I hulk out, you take me out, okay?"

Dean pulled The First Blade from where he'd kept it hidden under his coat. "I'm way ahead of you, Jess."

"Thanks, Dean, for everything."

Dean smirked. "Don't thank me yet. You're under my tutelage now. You sure you're ready for that?"

Jesse nodded hesitantly. "Yeah. I'm ready."

Dean grasped the younger man's wrist. "No turning back after I do this."

Jesse squared his shoulders and nodded. "It's okay, Dean. No turning back."

It took only moments before Jesse's black eyes blinked back at him. "Well? How do you feel?"

Jesse blinked and his eyes turned back to blue. "Fine. I don't feel..." He shook his head. "Whoa. Head rush."

Dean smiled. "Not feeling the urge to go massacre the town?"

Jesse shook his head. "I don't feel much different. I mean, I feel the power, and damn, is it strong, but no, I'm in complete control."

Dean's smile grew. "Good. I knew you'd be fine. Come on, let's go downstairs."

"Ryan...will she be okay?"

Dean nodded. "Cas is in there with her."

"How do you know?"

"Because, I asked him to be, just in case. I'll come back up later, but Cas is with her now, and I trust Cas implicitly."

"It's amazing, the family dynamic I've found myself in."

Dean chuckled. "Me too, kid. Me too."

* * *

**July Fourth**

Dean cast the line and sighed in contentment. Who would have ever thought the past eight months would have gone so well? The boys were hunting, Hope was in Heaven, but she was making frequent trips back home, not enough trips, but some, Jesse was doing great as a full-time demon knight, and Ryan...Ryan was awesome. For some reason, maybe it was the angel blood booster shots, or maybe it was because she and Dean were spending more time together, but she was doing great with it. Kris and Ben were doing terrific too, and little Lee was growing like a weed. Plus, Sam and Andy were just as happy together as they were in the beginning of their marriage and their kids were awesome. Yeah, life had slipped into something of a normal monotony.

So, when Gabriel appeared to him that morning, Dean should have realized something was up.

"Hey, Dad. They biting?"

Dean's eyebrow rose as he passed Gabe a soda from the cooler. He wasn't stupid enough to think the boys didn't drink while they were out on the road, but they were still underage. Gabriel took it with a grin and sat in the Adirondack chair next to his father.

"Nah, they're not biting, but Jesse's got things under control down south, thought I'd pop topside for a little vacation. Happy Birthday, by the way. Eighteen. Wow. Time flies, doesn't it?"

Gabriel nodded. "I can't believe it's been nine years since you came into our lives. I'm so glad you did."

"Me too, Gabe. Me too. So, what's up?"

Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck, a sure sign he was uncomfortable about something.

"Uh oh," Dean mused. "What?"

"I, uh, I just wanted to let you know, Jon and I visited Purgatory yesterday."

Dean's eyebrow rose again as he tuned his ears to the house. He could hear Jon in there talking with Ryan, so obviously the boys had come together. "Yeah? And?"

Gabriel blushed, just slightly. "And, uh, in a moment of insanity, I told Eve she could come and visit..."

Dean smirked. "Were you naked at the time?"

Gabriel's blush grew deeper. "Maybe?"

Dean chuckled. "Women are wily, son. Didn't you learn that before?"

Gabriel shrugged. "What can I say? So, anyway, she's coming to dinner tonight."

Dean blinked. "What?"

Gabriel smiled. "Yeah, she's coming to dinner. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior. See you later." And with that, he vanished.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean growled as he stood. He didn't even bother walking into the house, but appeared in the kitchen, next to Ryan. "What do you think your son is doing?"

Ryan jumped, clearly not expecting Dean to appear before her. "Hello? A little warning, Dean!" she shouted as she smacked him with the dish towel. She had been pulling a cake out of the oven. "And what do you mean?"

"Gabe...bringing Eve? To dinner? Is he crazy, or just stupid?"

Ryan's lip quirked as she placed first one, then the second cake pan on top of the oven to cool. "He's in love, Dean."

"He's insane! We should have him committed to some asylum."

"Like you've done with Sam? With Cas? Trust me, he's not crazy. He knows what he's doing..."

"Really? Bringing the mama monster here? To Earth? Do you remember what she did the last time she came to Earth? She fucked shit up brilliantly!"

"She was protecting her babies!" Ryan shot back.

Dean blinked. "Excuse me?! I didn't see you feeling sorry for her when you were hunting the damn things!"

Ryan let out a growl of frustration. "You don't get it, do you? Maybe it's because you _aren't _a mother, but I understand her, Dean! It's one thing to hunt a monster that needs destroying, but a whole other creature to wipe them off the face of the planet! Do I think she went about it the right way? No. But she did what she had to do! You of all people should understand that."

"And killing the virgin to get her new skin? She should have done that?"

"Of course not, but she didn't do that. The dragons did. She just...she did what she had to do. I wish you'd understand that."

"Well, I don't."

Ryan sighed as she walked to the peninsula of the countertop where the icing was waiting and she began stirring it vigorously. "You're being petulant."

"Yeah? Well, you're being crazy, just like your son!"

"Oh, I get it. When he's being unreasonable, he's my son. I see."

"See? You admit he's being unreasonable!"

"Look," she stated, brandishing the chocolate coated spatula at him, "You think that, but I just see a boy in love."

"He's an angel and she's a monster!"

"Yeah? And so are you! Wake up, Dean! You are a demon. The king demon. Our daughter _married _a demon that became one of your knights. So, I'm pretty damn sure calling out Gabriel for this is you just being prejudiced toward Eve."

"Excuse me?!"

"You heard me," she stated flatly. "I'm pretty sure your hearing is just fine."

"So...wait...you think I'm being racist?!"

She nodded. "Yes. That's exactly what I think."

"You can't seriously...Ryan, she's a monster. The MOTHER of all monsters!"

"And your son is in love with her."

"Well, he needs to sort out his priorities."

She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe you. After all the shit you've been through in your life, becoming a fucking monster, yourself, you seriously can't get past what she did? Wow. Nice to know your father's prejudices are alive and well in you. You should be ashamed of yourself."

His mouth fell open as she walked to the pantry. "Oh, hell no, don't you walk away from me."

"I'm not!" she shouted as she turned back around. "I'm trying to make Gabriel's cake and you're arguing with me! Excuse me for needing the decorator icing bags I forgot in the fucking pantry!"

"I don't know why you're defending her," he told her softly. "I just don't get it. You saw what she did..."

"And it's my fault, Dean."

His brows furrowed. "What?"

She sighed. "It's my fault. If I had let Gabriel...he was _in _me, Dean! If I had gone to find you guys, Gabriel could have taken over, taken care of her, but I was hurt. I had broken ribs and I was worried about seeing you and Bobby told me to sit it out, go home to Hope, and I did. Gabriel didn't say anything. He knew you could handle it, I guess. But it's my fault she managed to do the damage she did, okay? So don't blame him for it."

"I'm not blaming him and I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming her!"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Look...he loves her. He's loved her a hell of a lot longer than either of us have been alive. But he's cautious. He knows what she's capable of. He's sent her back to Purgatory before. He knows he's playing with fire here, Dean. But you? You don't get a say in this."

"And you do?"

She laughed. "Of course not! I'm his mother, but I can't tell him what to do. I don't want to lose him."

"And you think I will?"

She paused, as if she were weighing each word she wanted to say. Finally, she went with; "I believe your relationship with Gabriel is tumultuous at best. You've been walking a thin line when it comes to acceptance of him, Dean, and him with you. I don't know if that is because you weren't there during his formative years, or because he knows you from being Gabriel the archangel, but you two are walking a tightrope with your relationship. And I'm just afraid, if you push this, you'll push him away. And that isn't something you can just walk away from, babe. It would hurt both of you so much worse in the long run."

"I don't want to jeopardize what he and I have, Ryan. But Eve..."

"She is the girl he loves, sweetheart. If he were just some human kid coming in with a chick we didn't like, we would try our damndest to find something within her we _did _like. We would try to see what he sees in her. Not because we accept her, but because we accept him."

"I don't like it," he groused.

The corner of her mouth lifted as she walked to him and placed a hand on his cheek. "News flash, sugar, it ain't about you."

He grasped her hand and held it to his face as he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "This many years without a screaming match? I'd say we're doing pretty damn good."

He smiled as he opened his eyes and bent to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Dean. But please, for your son, let this go. He'll keep Eve on a short leash. I know he will. And she'll be respectful because she's here, with us."

He blew out a breath. "Fine. For Gabriel."

"That's all I ask."

* * *

To his surprise, Eve really was on her best behavior. She was, if anything, shy, demure, and Dean was amazed at how human she acted around the rest of their family. Though, true, she may have been slightly intimidated by the kids running around and all of the adult children in a battle of words over the best car currently on the market as he and Sam interjected here and there, but on the whole, the evening was...nice.

"See?" Ryan stated as she came up behind him and slipped an arm around his waist. His arm went around her shoulder. "I told you she would be fine." She gazed out to where Gabriel and Eve were playing a game of cornhole against Jon and Ben.

Dean pulled her closer and kissed her hair. "Yes, dear. You're right. Are you always right?"

She just smiled and grinned.

* * *

**An2: So...there you go. Who's excited for Angel Heart tonight?! I can't wait! I didn't want to like Claire but I really do. I'm eager to see more Daddy!Cas. I hope everything turns out well tonight. It's always frightening when The Carver talks about how rough it's going to be. I swear, the man enjoys destroying us. Until next week (hopefully!) my loves!**

**J**


	36. Plush

**Disclaimer: I do not own SUPERNATURAL. If I did, I would have never let the injustice of last night's episode happen.**

**AN: So...who's still reeling from last night? I'm in mourning. No spoilers for those who haven't seen it, but, damn. Just...damn.**

**So...this chapter...well, it'll add insult to injury here after last night. Sorry! I so didn't mean for it to happen that way. Here's the deal...it's the plot twist! It's the coup of the century! It's...well, hopefully you'll all like it. And judging by your reviews, I think, by the time you hit the bottom, you'll all be quite pleased. It's just getting there that hurts so bad. REMEMBER: READ IT ALL THE WAY TO THE END! Please don't quit halfway through. This is probably my favorite chapter I've ever written in this story. It's...hopefully you like it. Send me some feedback if you would! **

**Songs for this chapter: Plush by Stone Temple Pilots, Centuries by Fall Out Boy **

* * *

**June Fifteenth **

**One Year Later**

**Ryan POV**

Ryan smiled as she looked in the backseat at her grandson. She always got odd looks when she introduced Lee as her grandson, especially since she didn't look a day over thirty five, but still, she was proud of the toddler. He was three years old now, and really beginning to talk. And boy, did the kid have a lot to say. He was quite loquacious. As a matter of fact, he reminded her a lot of his uncle Loki. "What 'cha think, Lee? Ready to take a nap?"

It was a testament to how sleepy the boy was that he said, "Piwwow and bwankets?"

She nodded. "Yeah, bud, pillow and blankets."

"Okay," he murmured as his eyes closed. She pulled into the driveway, walked around, and unfastened him from his car seat. She picked him up and breathed in the scent of him; all boy, dirt, sweat, and the faintest scent of the chocolate chip cookie she'd let him sneak. His scent reminded her of Gabriel and Jon, and them being little ones. She loved that. She missed that.

After she laid him down in his bed, and made sure he was sound asleep, she quickly went about getting the groceries from the car and putting them away. Ben and Kris were adults, but that didn't mean she didn't enjoy mothering them on occasion. She quickly put the roast in the oven then went to check on the laundry.

She was on pins and needles waiting for Krissy to come back from the doctor. The clothes were finished, so she pulled the load out of the dryer as she thought back. Ten years. Tonight it would be ten years since Dean appeared back in her life. It hadn't been without its ups and downs, but on the whole, it was awesome. She sat the clothes on the table and put the next load in before she started folding.

"Ryan?"

"Laundry!" she called to her daughter-in-law.

"You didn't have to wash clothes," Krissy commented as she breached the door.

Ryan shrugged. "Lee and I hit the grocery store, then he went down for his nap, I didn't have anything else to do. So? What's the news?"

"I'm pregnant!"

"Yay!" Ryan shouted as she grabbed Kris for a hug. "I'm so happy for you."

Kris smiled. "Me too. Ben's over the moon. I know he'd love another son, but..."

Ryan grinned. "Say no more. A daughter is a one-of-a kind experience. Literally, in my case."

"I'm worried, though. What if I don't know what to do with a girl? I'm not a girlie chick, Ryan."

Ryan laughed. "Trust me. You'll figure it out. Besides, even if she is into flowers and pearls, she'll still be her mama's girl. I bet she'll learn how to hold a gun with the best of them."

"Thanks, Ryan. For everything."

"Oh, honey, you never have to thank me for loving you or Ben or your growing family. Trust me, the pleasure is all mine."

"Aren't you and Dean going out for dinner tonight?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, around seven."

"Think you could swing by here? I'm sure Ben would like to tell him in person..."

Ryan nodded. "Sure. Sounds like a plan to me. I'm going to head on home, start getting ready for my date."

Kris snickered. "Don't have too much fun."

Ryan laughed at that. "I'll try, but no promises."

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "You're a wild child. Pretty damn sure our evening won't be as exciting as one you and Hope would concoct."

Krissy put a finger to her chin in thought and smirked. "Good point."

Ryan laughed and headed out the door. She wanted to get the pie finished for her and Dean's...dessert later that night.

As she was walking to her car, she heard it...a low whine and a bark from an angry dog. She looked around, but didn't see one. With the deaths of Rocky and Bullwinkle, which had been traumatic for both Gabriel and Jonathan, they'd vowed never to get another dog. Being on the road now, it didn't lead to looking after animals. But they were both enough like their Uncle Sammy to love dogs, and they often frequented animal shelters when they had time to volunteer.

Her brows furrowed as she heard another growl, but she shook it off. The neighborhood wasn't overly populated. It was possible it was a stray hiding in the trees. She sent Kris a text message to be on the lookout when she walked outside, just in case.

She slipped into the car, Lola, and quickly took off down the road. She turned on the radio right in the middle of an AC/DC double shot and grinned when "Hells Bells" went off and "Highway to Hell" started. That carried her almost to her house and she was still smiling as she pulled in the driveway. She couldn't wait for that night. She had a sexy dress picked out and a pair of awesome shoes Andy had talked her into buying the weekend before. That was when she realized...she'd forgotten to pick up the thigh-highs that would complete the ensemble. She'd wanted to get some with the seams up the back. Dean loved those, and they would look killer with the retro dress she was wearing to dinner. So, with a sigh, she put the car in reverse and headed toward the mall.

While she was there, she picked up a few other things, some candles, some massage oils and the peach flavored lube Dean liked, plus some honeysuckle lotion from the bath and body shop. She was just coming out of Victoria's Secret with a new garter belt she was _sure _would please her husband, when she felt someone staring at her. She turned and gasped as her hand went to the knife in her waistband, but then blinked. She thought she'd seen something, but clearly, her mind was playing tricks on her. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling something was watching her. She hurried to her car then, thankful she hadn't parked in the dark parking deck. She felt like a wimp, but she had a hand on her gun on her hip all the way to the car. She slid in, locked the doors, and wasted no time driving off.

On the way home, she berated herself for feeling spooked. It was just rare she went anywhere alone anymore. If she wasn't shopping with Andy, she was going along to help babysit Lee as Krissy did her shopping. No, she just wasn't used to being alone. That was all.

She felt better and more than a little silly as she made her way into the house. She quickly baked the pie and then decided to take a nice, relaxing bath. She was settling in with a glass of wine and some Creedence turned down low when she heard another dog, this time, it sounded like he had a pack with him. Wolves weren't indigenous to Kansas, were they? She would have Dean check when he got there, just to be safe.

She dozed in the water, just relaxing and enjoying her day until her alarm buzzed, alerting her it was time to get out and get dressed. Dean would be there within the hour. She stepped from the tub and wrapped a robe around herself as she piled all her hair on top of her head with a towel before she switched the music, putting the different band's songs on shuffle. She was feeling like listening to something a little louder. She hummed along to Fall Out Boy as she began getting ready. She still needed to figure out what kind of jewelry she wanted to wear. But first, makeup. She hummed along with "Dance, Dance," smiling at the beat as she applied the minimum of makeup, just accenting her eyes and cheekbones, noticing she looked pale. She really needed to get a little more sun, she realized, before she walked to her closet.

The house might be small, but the master suite, bathroom, and closet were quite large. She walked into her closet and began looking through her jewelry, trying to find a necklace to compliment the dress. After that, she was trying on earrings when she heard that dog again. Only...it didn't sound like it was coming from the backyard. No. It sounded like it was coming from _inside _the house. Ryan's mind started racing as she picked up the angel blade from the cabinet that housed her weapons, thankful she happened to be standing in the closet.

She walked cautiously out into the bedroom and saw nothing. She turned her head this way and that, listening, but heard nothing. _You're going crazy again, Ryan, _she thought. _Get it together!_ She shook her head, blinked and walked back into the closet. Once her earrings were laid out, she walked back into the bathroom to fix her hair, singing along to the next song as she went; "Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold, but you will remember me...remember me for centuries and just one mistake, is all it will take, we'll go down in history...remember me for centuries..."

She put the mousse in and was just about to start the blow dryer when she heard a low growl from behind her.

The hairs on the back of her neck prickled and her skin popped out in gooseflesh as she realized. Growls. Ten years. This wasn't dogs. It was hell hounds. "No!" she screamed. "No! I didn't! I didn't sell my soul!" she yelled as she turned. Three hounds slowly stalked towards her, their feted breath reaching her nostrils and making her nauseated. She began shaking her head, clutching the countertop behind her, trying to find the angel blade she had tossed carelessly to the side. "No...I've always belonged to Dean! This...this doesn't count! I didn't sell my soul! I didn't!"

The hounds didn't seem to care as they attacked.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He was all smiles as he finished up his business. "Thanks, Jess. You're awesome."

The young demon shrugged. "Just doing my job, boss."

"Well, being my right-hand man sure is making my life easier."

"I'm just glad I'm training under you. When Jon takes over, it will make life much easier for him if I already know what I'm doing."

Dean nodded. Jon had been coming down on occasion, training with him some, learning the ropes of ruling Hell. It wasn't exhausting, but it wasn't without its complications He hated to admit, Crowley was right about that. "So, you're good?"

Jesse nodded. "Me, Bela, and Meg have this. Go enjoy your anniversary, man."

Dean clapped him on the back. "Thanks. And don't worry, she'll visit again soon." Hope had been in Heaven for three months straight, the longest time she'd spent upstairs in quite a while. It was a strain on Jesse, who missed his wife like crazy. Cas had been the one coming down to give Ryan her usual doses of angel blood as Hope began reestablishing some of the old practices. Dean didn't quite understand angel hierarchy, but he knew his daughter was at the center of it. It made him proud, he wasn't going to lie. And the thought of spending more time with her, with Ryan, with his parents, once he gave up the demon, made him pretty damn happy, too.

"Thanks, Dean. Now, go on. I'm sure Ryan's all dressed up and pretty as a picture, waiting for you."

Dean smiled at that. All he had to do was pick up the flowers on his way to their house and he was golden. "Thanks again," he stated as he disappeared.

He popped topside, bought flowers, and then arrived at their door. He decided to be a gentleman and ring the bell. But after a moment or two, when she didn't appear, he just figured she was still getting ready and let himself in. "Honey? You about ready?" he called as he walked around the living area. He heard the music playing loudly in the bathroom, that damn song she liked so much from that crap band, Fall Out Boy. She loved that friggin' song that ripped off part of "Tom's Diner." which he would deny liking to his grave and beyond. The scent of peach pie assaulted him and he moaned in ecstasy as his stomach rumbled. The sooner they could go eat this steak, the sooner they could come back and he could eat that pie off of Ryan's naked body. That image caused another hunger to flare and he called out, "Ryan! You'd better hurry your fine ass along or I'm going to eat this damn pie!"

When she didn't call back to him, the smile slid off his face. "Ryan?" He moved toward the bedroom. The song seemed to have restarted, because he heard it still going. He never understood what she liked about the song. The lyrics, going on about bruises on her thighs and how he never meant for her to fix herself. It hit him kind of hard, but then, he'd never quite figured Ryan out. Not that it bothered him, but sometimes he wondered if she heard things in music he didn't. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"Ryan, babe? You in here?" Maybe she had forgotten something and ran out? But her car had been in the drive. Maybe she rode out with Andy. It was her and Sam's anniversary, too, tomorrow, so maybe they went to pick up some awesome surprises at the lingerie store. That would make him and Sam both very happy boys.

He saw her dress laying on the bed, her shoes lined up, waiting for her to slip into them. A look at the various pieces of furniture showed candles of all shapes and sizes lined up, ready to be lit, and a new bottle of lube sitting at the ready as well. He smirked at that. His girl had gotten freaky and he liked it.

A glance in the closet showed her jewelry sitting on top of her cabinet thingie, waiting for her to put it on. Then, he glanced in the bathroom. There was nothing there. Nothing, that is, except a scent he couldn't place, and a scent he could. He walked over to the cabinet, opened it, and saw a lone trail of blood. He swallowed hard. Something had happened here. Something bad. And whatever had happened, someone had attempted to cover it up.

He dashed back out to the living room and immediately began calling everyone in the family, asking if they'd seen Ryan. The last person was Kris, and that was hours before. "No," he muttered as with each phone call, his dread grew and grew. "NO!" he shouted. "Hope! Hope, I need you!" he called. "It's your mom. Please!"

Hope appeared only a second later. "Dad?"

"Hope, where is she? What's going on?"

"Dad, calm down, okay? Just..use your blood connection to her, try to find her."

He nodded. "Right." _Why didn't I think of that? Oh, because I'm panicking. I don't panic. What's the matter with me? _He felt for her and came up with...nothing. "I can't."

Hope's eyes were wide as she shouted, "What?!"

"I can't, Hope, I can't find her. What does that mean?"

She shook her head. "I honestly have no idea."

"Well, come up with something!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't shout at me, Dad! I don't know what to do, okay?"

He blew out a breath and attempted to calm himself. "Okay, well, if I can't find her, maybe you can?"

She nodded and closed her eyes. She stood like that, almost serenely for a moment before she blinked them open. "She's not...she's not on Earth, Dad."

"Then where the hell is she?"

His daughter didn't have an answer for that.

* * *

They searched everywhere. Hope went to Heaven and searched, Gabriel and Jon went to Purgatory, and Dean, along with his three knights searched Hell. He set up a guard at the cage, just in case, and set up additional guards around Raeburn's new cell. They all returned to Dean and Ryan's house just as the sun was rising on the fourth day.

"What are we going to do?" Dean asked softly as he looked around at his family. Everyone was there, including the littlest Winchesters.

"This is my fault," Krissy spoke up. "I should have..."

Dean shook his head and walked over to the girl, hugging her. "This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. She's just...someone took her and they've got a spell on her so we can't find her. Is there any spells we have we can trace her with?"

"If she's got a cloaking spell placed on her...it will take more powerful magic than I have," Kris told him.

"I can try it," Gabriel stated. "Hope and I could try and figure it out."

Dean nodded. "Do that. Then...if we can't find her, we'll have to try looking somewhere else..."

Gabriel and Hope both gave him curt nods and disappeared.

"Dean..." Sam began. "You know we'll find her."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. I know. I'm just afraid of what shape we'll find her in."

"Well, if humans took her, even if they were witches, there's only so much they can do. Ryan's strong. She's tough. She'll survive."

Dean swallowed hard. "Yeah, Sammy, you're right. I know. I just..."

"It's different when it's your wife," Andy told him as she placed a hand on his arm. "We'll do all we can."

"Dad, I'm going to go back downstairs, check around again," Jon commented.

"Why?"

The boy's eyes narrowed. "That scent in the bathroom...it smells oddly familiar."

"Yeah, I noticed that."

Jon nodded. "It smelled familiar because I've been visiting the kennels."

"Kennels...hellhounds?"

Jon nodded. "I've been doing reading on them. They fascinate me. But a human, well, any creature can harness their powers if they chain them."

"And by chain them, you mean...?"

"Bind them to you. Just like you can bind a reaper, or a demon, you can bind a hellhound."

"And you think one dragged your mother away?" Dean's voice went about an octave higher at the thoughts of Ryan suffering through that. He remembered being dragged to hell. It wasn't a pleasant experience. As a matter of fact, that was part of the reason he hated dogs for so long.

"I don't know about that. There wasn't any blood, which was odd. All the research, as well as your and Uncle Sammy's accounts state there's always a fuckton of blood left at the scene, and a body. But if there was another person controlling them..."

"They could have been used as a scare tactic."

"Or someone could have simply cleaned up the mess," Castiel stated. Everyone looked at him and he realized what he'd said. "Of course, I do not believe anyone would do that..."

Sam cleared his throat. "But what reason? Why would anyone do that?"

"To get at me," Dean told them, anger coursing through his veins. "If someone wanted to...everyone knows Ryan's my heart and my humanity. All they'd have to do is attack her."

"But it would be pretty damn stupid. I mean, you don't fuck with the king of Hell's family, right?"

"Well, apparently someone didn't get the memo."

"Let me go down there, Dad," Jon implored. "I know all the hellhounds. I'll know if one is missing."

"You know..._all _the hellhounds?"

The boy shrugged. "What? I like dogs. It's not their fault they've got a bad rep. They're kind of like demonic pit bulls. They're prejudiced against because of their name."

Dean smiled despite himself. "You look like me, kid, but you've got your mom's heart."

"We'll get Mom back, Dad. I know we will."

Dean watched his youngest son disappear and sighed. That's what worried him the most...getting her back, broken beyond repair.

* * *

The days slowly turned to weeks as Gabriel's birthday came and went with no sign of Ryan. It was as if she had disappeared off the face of not only the planet, but all known plains. Jon's search didn't bring up any missing hellhounds, and if one had been used, it was evident that they were returned to their rightful place. Finally, at the end of July, Hope came in and collapsed onto the sofa. "I'm going to Death."

Dean looked up from the map he was researching. His and Ryan's house had become the base camp for Ryan's disappearance and in his stead, Jon and Jesse were working side-by-side ruling hell with his other two knights. "Come again?"

"Death. You know, scary ass dude, could kill you by looking at you or flicking a wrist?"

"Yeah, I'm acquainted with him. Charming fellow," Dean stated, disdain thick in his voice.

"I don't know what else to do, Dad. Heaven doesn't mind me searching because they know we need to find her, but they want me back to work, too."

"I know, and I'm sorry, Hope..."

"Don't you apologize to me for trying to find Mom," she growled with narrowed eyes. "I may be an angel, but she's my mother. I'll go to the ends of the realms for her."

"Realms...you don't suppose someone took her to another planet or something, do you? I mean...aliens..."

Hope snorted. "Dad."

"What? Stranger things, Hope!"

She smiled despite the bone deep weariness showing on her face. "Dad, trust me, don't think I haven't thought of that. I've searched everywhere there is any form of life at all. No one took her to another planet."

"So there are aliens!" He knew there had to be aliens. There were too many other weird things he'd seen in his day.

She rolled her eyes. "That's not the point, but, yes, there are. And the only way to get there is by demon or angel air or spells normal humans can't harness. So, again, it goes back to that."

"But some of the old gods...they have been unhappy with us before. We've killed some of them..."

She nodded slowly. "I know, but Loki's handled them. Kali was the only one that lived who knew he wasn't Loki, but an angel. She's kept his secret safe. So, he was able to go back, alter his looks so he looked like his old vessel and ask around with them. They've never even heard of her. He believed them."

"Are you thinking one of your angel brethren took her?"

She blew out a breath. "At this point? I'd be willing to bet The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man took her. People don't just disappear off the face of the planet. Truthfully, this was stupid of them, whoever took her. If they'd have left a body, made us think it was her, we might have bought it, grieved, and moved on. But this...they have to know we'll find them eventually, and when we do..."

Dean's eyes flashed black. "When we do, their asses are mine."

But they didn't find her. And months passed.

* * *

**January Twenty-Fourth **

"Happy Birthday, Daddy," Hope stated as she walked in with a pie.

His brows furrowed. "Is it my birthday?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It is. Come on, I baked you something."

He glanced at the pie and gave her a half smile. He didn't want pie. He wanted his wife back. But, he guessed he could appease his daughter. "Looks great. What kind is it?"

"It's, uh, it's Grandma Fawcett's Chocolate Chess Pie."

His heart clenched. Ryan had made it for them the first time he met the kids, before he even knew they were his. "One of my favorites," he managed, though the tears were clogging his throat.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I just..."

He reached out and clasped her hand. "Thank you, for thinking of me. Are your brothers coming?"

She shrugged. "Maybe later. Right now, Gabriel's dealing with a Leviathan issue in Purgatory and Jon's neck deep in a vampire nest in Tupelo, Mississippi."

"Does he need backup?"

She shook her head. "No, Ben headed down there with him."

"He shouldn't have done that. Kris, Lee, and Kait need him, don't they?" His second grandchild, a girl, had been born at the end of November. Kaitlin Elta Winchester was as pretty and perfect as one of those porcelain baby dolls, and a good sleeper, which Kris and Ben were thankful for.

"You know I couldn't talk Ben out of something if I tried. He's got a stubborn streak. I can't begin to imagine where he got that from. Sam didn't want him to go, either, but you know Ben..."

Dean blew out a breath. He did know Ben. His son was just as pigheaded as he was. "Yeah, you're right. They'll be okay?"

She nodded. "They're fine. Last I heard, they were going to storm the join this morning. They're probably already on their way back."

"You go check on them for me, okay?"

"Dad..."

"This family can't lose anyone else, Hope!" he all but shouted.

She bowed her head and winked out of sight.

"You know, you could attempt not be quite so...brusque," Castiel stated from the corner.

Dean jumped. "Damn it, Cas! Don't sneak up on me!"

"If you would have asked, I would have gone to check on them in Hope's stead."

"I can't, man...I just can't today."

Castiel's head cocked to the side as he regarded Dean. "Can't...what?"

"She looks so much like Ryan...some days, I can't even look at her."

Cas furrowed his brows. "You can not look at her because her vessel reminds you of her mother?"

"Exactly."

"Grow up."

Dean's head popped back up as he looked at the angel. "Excuse me?"

"Grow up, Dean Winchester. She is hurting, just like you. You are not an island of pain, brother. She loves her mother. The boys love their mother. Sam, Andrea, everyone loves and misses Ryan. So, to quote a very dear friend, pull your head out of your ass, and man up."

Dean glared at the angel a moment before his head dropped in defeat. "I can't, man. I just...what is going on? Where is she? Why can't we find her?"

"I do not know, Dean. And I do not like not knowing."

Dean shook his head. "I'll apologize to the kid. I didn't mean to jump down her throat."

"I believe she knows that, Dean. But I also believe that is the right thing to do."

"Thanks, Jiminy," he muttered under his breath.

Castiel smiled. "If you need me to be your conscience, you know I will."

"We find whoever did this? I may need you to hold me back so I don't just kill them right off the bat. I want them to suffer for eternity."

Castiel's voice was guarded as he stated, "I feel certain, when you find the culprits, you will have a slew of other people there to help you torture them."

Hope popped back in just then. "They're fine."

"But?" Dean asked as he heard something in his daughter's voice.

"Dad...I went by the bunker to check in...Sam just got some news."

"What? Ryan?"

She shook her head. "Garth's pack has been decimated."

"Decimated?"

"Completely destroyed. Every single werewolf."

"Garth?"

She cringed and swallowed hard. "From what Sam heard, he was tortured to death."

"By what?"

She shook her head. "Sam didn't know. He's on his way up there."

"I want to go, too."

She nodded. "I thought you might."

Dean disappeared and found his brother. "I want in."

Sam stopped loading his car and nodded. "I figured as much. Come on."

"You're not hunting, are you?"

Sam shot him the bitchface. "I haven't hunted in years, Dean. Of course I'm not hunting. However, I can go, pay my respects, and try to find out what in the hell killed them."

Dean nodded and moved to the passenger side. In Sam's ride, he knew he'd be riding shotgun. "So...what's the evidence so far?"

"So far? A lot of nothing. The local PD is saying satanists."

"Well, that's a lot of help," Dean stated sarcastically. "Locals wouldn't know a real satanist if they danced naked, bathed in blood, in front of them."

Sam chuckled a little at that. "Yeah, well, I guess there were some...weird things around. Of course, the bovine hearts in Garth's refrigerator kind of drew a few odd glances I'm guessing, too."

"The whole pack? All of Garth's kids? Everyone?"

Sam nodded. "It sounded like it was nothing short of a massacre."

Dean groaned. "I hate it. Didn't they kind of give up hunting for a while?"

Sam nodded. "They were training the kids."

"What were their ages?"

"Uh...let's see, I think they were eight, ten, twelve, thirteen, and the twins were fifteen."

Dean let out a low whistle. "And his wife's father, too, right?"

Again, Sam nodded. "Along with a couple of other people Garth had all but adopted into the pack, including a young woman we knew; Kate, if you remember her."

Dean did remember her. Sam had mentioned her a time or two, how he and Ryan had found her on a werewolf case and sent her to Garth's pack when she'd had to kill her sister because she'd gone off the reservation in eating human hearts. "This is terrible."

"Tell me about it."

The drive was silent after that. When they arrived at Garth's house, Dean's nose curled almost instantly. "What?" Sam inquired.

"Do you smell something?"

"What?" Garth had started a cattle farm. It was easier to get the hearts when you owned the cows. He butchered them and sold them, keeping the hearts for the family. It was a good business. "All I smell are cows and cow shit."

Dean's nose twitched as the scent grew stronger. "Over here," he commented as he walked toward the house. He had to be certain, absolutely sure before he said anything.

"Oh, God," Sam muttered. If the blood everywhere was any indication of what the family went through, Dean almost couldn't imagine it, and that said something. But the smell grew stronger and Sam's back stiffened. "Dean, do you smell that?"

Dean's eyes closed and he groaned. "Yeah, Sammy, I do."

Sam crouched down and picked up something on his finger, rubbing it. Dean didn't need to examine it to know. "Sulfur. It's a demon."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. It is."

Sam's eyes shot to his. "Do you know...?"

Dean shook his head. "No. I don't. I can check, but this...this took someone full of hate, Sam."

"Well, no offense, but demons aren't exactly friendly. Well," he looked his brother up and down, "Most of them, in any case."

"Yeah, but this?" Dean glanced up and winced at the blood splatter on the ceiling. "Someone had fun."

"You have any idea who?"

"Only one demon I know could do this...but he's taken care of."

"Who?"

"Alistair."

Sam's eyes grew wide. "You say he's taken care of?"

Dean nodded. "He's locked up. Meg could do this, but it isn't her style. She and I...well, I'm sure there were others that studied under him, but we were his pets." It had been a long time since Dean had drudged up memories of his time being tortured in Hell. My, how times had changed.

"Well, you need to get down there, check on him, then, see who could have done this."

Dean inclined his head. "I'll go right now. You find out the information on the funeral. I...I want to pay my respects."

Sam gave him a glum look and nodded. "I will."

Dean dropped into Hell and immediately sought out Meg, quickly explaining the situation. Her eyes grew wide as he talked until finally, she blinked and said, "Dean...There's only a handful of demons that every learned under Alistair."

"Good. I want names. I want them found. And I want them held for questioning. Garth was my friend. This is personal."

She gave him a curt bow. "I'm on it."

While he was there, he walked to his office to check on Jesse, who was holding down the fort. He got an update on things, and then popped back up to the motel Sam had gotten for the night. "Well, this brings back memories," he stated as he plopped onto one of the beds.

Sam smiled a little at that from his laptop. "So get this..." Dean burst out laughing. Sam's brow furrowed as he looked at Dean who was still guffawing. "What?"

Dean shook his head and wiped a laughter tear from his eye. "Nothing, man, I just...I really needed that."

Sam gave him a half smile. "So glad I amuse you. Are you done?"

Dean nodded with a slight smile of his own. "Yeah, I guess. What's up?"

"Garth's not the only friend of ours to get ganked lately."

Dean sobered immediately. "What? Who else?"

"Guy named Cole Trenton we've been dealing with a few years. He came in trying to find you. Guess you'd killed his dad back in the day. From what we found out, his dad was a monster of unknown origin. We'd been helping him some, not much, but anyway, he sort of hung out on the fringes of the hunting world. He, his wife, and step-son got killed three days ago."

"Yeah?"

Sam nodded. "Mike Holstetter, another in the hunting community bit it yesterday."

"Is this a coincidence?"

"I don't know, but we need to circle the wagons. We need to pull everyone in, alert everyone...the whole nine."

Dean nodded. "You're right. I want Ben and Jon back from Tupelo ASAP."

Sam winced. "That wasn't my idea..."

Dean held up a hand. "I know. Those boys are Winchester stubborn. It would make me proud if I wasn't worried sick about them."

"I'm worried sick about you," Sam admitted. "You doing okay?"

Dean blew out a breath. "Honestly? No. But I do better when my hands are busy, and since we can't find Ryan, I've got to protect what family I have left."

"Good. I agree." He handed Dean a list. "Here. Start calling people. I've written down our code word for people to book it and find somewhere safe."

Dean smiled just a little. Sam and Ryan really had gotten this Men of Letters thing off the ground and running like a well-oiled machine. He was proud of them, too. "You've done it, Sammy. Henry would have been proud of you. You resurrected the Men of Letters."

Sam shrugged. "Ryan did that. I just...I was just there to help."

"Well, then, I'm proud of you both." He cleared his throat and started dialing the first number on his list.

* * *

They managed to get hold of almost everyone. Only a few people had gone to radio silence, so to speak, including Charlie and Claire. "I can find them," Hope told Dean later in the week. They were working out of the bunker now, just to be on the safe side.

"We sent them to Minnesota on a Rugaru case," Sam stated.

Hope smiled. "I'm on it."

"You heard from Jody lately?" Dean inquired after Hope poofed out of sight.

"Got a Christmas card from her," Sam commented as he continued reading something on his computer. He looked up. "Why?"

Dean shrugged and shook his head. "No reason. I just...she and Ryan were close, in South Dakota, right?"

Sam nodded slowly. "Yeah...but then she got elected Mayor and she had to all but quit hunting. She's busy with her own life. It happens."

"She staying out? Keeping her nose clean, so to speak?"

"I guess. She's called a few times, asked for someone to come up and take care of some issues outside of town. Why?"

"I don't know. I'm going to go check on her, okay?"

Sam shrugged. "You think you need to?"

"I don't know. But it pays to be cautious, right?"

"I guess. You could call her on the telephone, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"So...you going to?"

Dean shook his head. "Nah. Think I'll pop up there. Haven't seen her in forever anyway, so..."

Sam smiled. "Yeah, Go on."

Dean imagined himself outside Jody's house. He was about to ring the doorbell when he heard a scream. He wasted no time kicking the door in and racing through the house. He was smart enough, though, to be quiet as he pulled The First Blade from his belt. Since Ryan's disappearance, he'd been carrying it. Cas, Sam, and Hope had all looked at him with concern, but he had long since figured out how to harness it's control over him. He made it to the kitchen and stopped dead. He saw the outline of a figure, slim, feminine almost, crouched over a body. He gripped the blade tighter and made his way toward the creature who stood suddenly, and with a cackle, disappeared, leaving behind nothing but the smell of sulfur and...honeysuckle? He knelt down and felt his heart clench. Jody...

He sighed and pulled out his phone. "I'm too late, Sammy," he said as soon as his brother picked up the phone. "I'm too late. She's dead."

"Dean, did you see who it was?"

"It's a girl. Or at least, I think so. It's riding around in a girl's skin, I think. I couldn't see who or what it was. But, Sam, she smelled like Ryan."

"You don't think..."

"Ryan's got the tattoo, so it's not possessing her. But if this thing has been in contact with her..."

"That makes sense. Maybe it's keeping Ryan and killing our friends."

"We need to keep everyone under lock and key. It's definitely a demon. Salt, holy water, angel blades...we've got to protect everyone we can."

"Yeah. That's good."

Dean frowned at his brother's distracted tone. "Sammy?"

"Hope just got back. Charlie and Claire are dead."

Dean closed his eyes. "No, Sam..." Whoever this was, they were making this extremely personal.

* * *

Dean got back to the bunker and heard voices all but screaming at each other. He slipped in and took in the sight of Andy standing toe-to-toe with her husband. Their height differences made it almost comical were it not for the content of their argument.

"Not just no, but hell no, Andy!" Sam shouted.

"Damn it, Sam, why not? It's perfect!"

"You haven't hunted for years!"

"So? I'm keeping up my skills! I'm younger and in better health than you, and, hey, look at that! I used to torture demons for fun, remember?"

"There is no way on God's green earth I'm going to use my wife for bait!"

"You're a fucking dumbass!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean stated as he grabbed Andy by the waist and physically picked her up, sitting her to the side. "Hang on here. What did I miss?"

"My wife is guano, Dean."

Dean's mouth quirked. "I knew that already, but could you be more specific?"

"Fuck you," she spat. "All I said was, it's clear this thing is attacking our friends and family. So, we set a trap for it. Then, when it comes, we catch it."

"And use you as the bait? I don't fucking think so!" Sam yelled again.

Andy rolled her eyes. "Tell him, Dean. Tell him this makes the most sense."

"Use me, then, damn it!" Sam declared. "But I'm not using you."

"You're right," Dean stated tiredly. At both their expectant faces, Dean grinned. "Or wrong. Actually, you're both wrong. I'm not using either of you."

"But, Dean, let's just, for one minute, say you're the end game. They're going after the humans or the creatures in the family first. They haven't gone after your kids. They're going for people on the outside, the fringes. We can't use you."

He nodded. He hated to say this, to even suggest it, but it was the only way. "We're going to have to use Ben."

Sam's mouth fell open and Dean was unsurprised when Andy slapped his face. "How dare you even suggest...?"

Dean rubbed his face. "Look, no offense, but neither of you have hunted in years. Ben was just out on a hunt. He's smart, he's young, he's fast, and he's human. It makes a difference. You're right, they won't come after me, not yet. And I can't use Hope, Gabe or Jon for this. It wants blood, trust me, it'll want Ben's."

"This is crazy. Your own son..."

"Who is Winchester enough to realize I'm right. It's the only way."

"Kris...the babies..."

"They'll be here, safe."

"This is the most ludicrous idea you've ever had, Dean Winchester," Andy shouted at him.

He shrugged. "It's early yet. Give me time. I'm sure I'll think of one worse."

"Dean...we can't ask Ben to do this..."

"You don't have to ask me," Ben stated as he walked down the stairs. He came over to them. "You swear you'll keep Kris and the kids safe?"

Dean nodded. "I swear it. I'll have Gabriel and Jon protect them. Can't get much safer than an angel and a demon on guard duty."

Ben sucked in a breath. "Fine. Let's do this."

After much discussion, it was decided Hope would also be there with Ben, cloaked so the demon wouldn't sense her, and Dean would be waiting in the wings, ready to pounce on the thing. Hours passed as they all sat and waited. "You know, I hate stakeouts," Dean admitted to Cas, who had refused to leave his side.

The angel looked at him drolly. "You? Impatient? Never."

Dean smirked. "Since when did you become such a smartass?"

Cas smiled. "Since spending so much time with Tory, I suspect."

"It's a good look on you, Cas. She's been good for you."

"She is dead, Dean."

"So? At least you get to be with her. That says a lot."

Cas sighed. "I suppose..." His eyes shot to Dean's. "It's here..."

Dean swallowed and nodded. He felt it, too. Whatever it was, it was fairly powerful, but no more than him. This should be a piece of cake. Then they'd find Ryan and everything would be fine. Wouldn't it?

He began moving toward the house, to the unlocked door, waiting, biding his time, when he heard Hope scream. The sound was enough to make even his blood run cold as he and Cas booked it into the room. He stopped dead, though, as he breached the door.

Ryan's cold, black, dead eyes blinked as she smiled at him. "Hi, sweetheart."

"Ryan?"

"This isn't over!" she shouted as she disappeared.

He blinked. "R-Ryan?" He turned and looked frantically for Hope. "Hope? Ben?"

She and Ben both stood shakily. "We're okay."

"Ben?"

"Yeah, I'm good. She didn't...it...it was Ryan," Ben stated dumbly. "This whole time..."

Dean felt his heart plummet. Yeah, this whole time, everyone killing their friends, it was Ryan.

* * *

"Come on, let's be serious. It's obviously something in Ryan. It's not really her," Sam began later, as they all convened in the bunker. "It...it did like Crowley did to Mrs. Tran, that one time...burned the tattoo of her flesh. I mean, it couldn't be..."

"Sam..." Hope began.

"It's her," Dean stated flatly.

Everyone looked at him. He sighed. "It's her. Those hellhounds...somehow, they took her to Hell. She's been down there, what? Six months? I started torturing demons at three. I don't know how long it takes to go darkside, but if someone was torturing her..."

"How, though? I mean, you've got an in, Dean. No one enters that place without you knowing it. You, Bela, Meg, hell, even Jesse. How did someone get past you?"

"We've got a mole," Dean growled and disappeared. He walked straight to Meg and pulled her out of her torture room. "We've got a mole," he repeated to his knight.

Her eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Someone turned Ryan into a demon. A full blown, kill everything in sight, demon."

"It didn't take much," Meg stated flippantly.

His jaw ticked. "For the sake of my sanity and your life, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Find them. And bring them to me. Someone tortured her. Someone drug her off with a hellhound. And someone had kept her down here until she was ripe for the picking..." He felt his stomach drop. "Son of a bitch. I need to get to the cage. Now."

He raced to the cage, only to find it just as it usually was. "Problem, boss?" Jerry asked.

Dean shook his head. "No. It's fine. Just...keep an eye out."

"You put me here because I'm the best, boss. I'll do my job not to let anyone near the cage. I send them packing with this," he stated as he held out the angel blade for inspection. "As you requested."

Dean clapped him on the back. "Good job. Keep up the good work."

The little demon beamed and Dean had to resist the urge to laugh at him. Jerry was a people pleaser. He had been as a human, too, apparently. But he was as honest as they came, for a demon, which was why Dean trusted him for this detail. He also happened to be very good at his job.

He went back to Meg, who was busy interrogating one of the demons under her charge. He left knowing Meg would find whoever did this to Ryan.

He popped topside back at the bunker to find a solemn group. "What else happened?"

"Isn't this enough?"

Dean sighed and picked up the bottle of whiskey. "Yeah. It is." He poured himself two fingers and downed it quickly before pouring some more. "So...plan? Tell me we've got a plan."

Hope and Castiel shared a glance. "Not one you're going to like," she told him.

He winced. "I'm fairly certain of that." He sat down at the table and looked at them expectantly. "Yes?"

"Well, it's clear the trap didn't work..."

"But it is also clear, Ryan is coming after those she considered friends, family..."

"So, we wait."

"We...what?" Dean sputtered. "We just wait?!"

Hope sighed. "Dad, she's killed how many people? She's about as darkside as she can go. At least when you went bad, in the beginning, you only killed demons and Cain. She's...she's taking out innocents. And you know what that means."

"We are NOT ganking my wife!" he snarled.

"We don't have a CHOICE!" Hope shrieked as tears ran down her face. "That..._thing _in her, it's not Mom, not anymore. And it's fairly evident, if it was her, if she had one ounce of the Ryan we know and love in her, she would be fighting this. But she isn't. And I don't know why," she finished softly. "I mean, when Jesse became a full demon, it didn't matter. He was still exactly the same. What makes her different?"

"She's always had this darkness in her, the ability to go bad," Gabriel stated quietly. "She's fought it since she was eleven years old, when that seed of evil rooted within her. I guess, she finally lost the fight."

Dean began shaking his head. "No! You can't say this is it. You can't write her off this fast!"

"What choice do we have, Dean?" Sam questioned. "If we brought her back from this now, she'd never forgive herself. You know her as well as I do, as we all do. She can't be brought back. Redeemed, yes, but we can't make her come back and face..."

"So, what? What do we do?"

"We find her, and put her in the cage you constructed," Cas stated.

Dean closed his eyes at the onslaught of pain as it crashed on him. "I can't...we can't do this to her..."

"Dean, she's been tortured and turned into a monster. The worst kind; one without a conscience. We'd be doing her a service," Sam told him as he put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "If this were Andy, I'd do the same thing. You know I would."

Dean nodded. He knew. He just...he couldn't face this. Not yet. So, he didn't. He disappeared and reappeared at their small lake-front home. The sun was just beginning to rise. It was beautiful there. He wasn't sure he'd really taken the time to appreciate the beauty of it. Of course, he and Ryan had camped out on the dock one night, made love in a sleeping bag until the sun rose, sat out there and listened to the crickets chirp, she'd dangled her toes in the water listening to the tree frogs until the rain started and she giggled and spun around before taking off her clothes and jumping into the lake for a nighttime swim in the rain...

He hadn't realized he fell to his knees and began sobbing until he felt a hand on his shoulder. "They thought I could be the one, should be the one, to comfort you," Castiel said.

Dean swallowed and looked out at the lake. "It's over, isn't it? This thing with me and Ryan? We only got ten years."

"Ten is better than none," Cas began. "But, no, it isn't enough. I realize that."

"What am I going to do?"

"The right thing. You always do the right thing."

"Why? Why can't I be bad for once? Why can't I be selfish?"

"It's not your style, Dean Winchester. You're the righteous man, whether you're a demon, or a human, or even a vampire."

Dean sighed. "This blows."

"It usually does, yes."

Dean scrubbed both hands across his face. "So...what do we do?"

"Hope's working on a binding spell. We can bind Ryan now that we know what she is. Then, we can locate her and go from there."

"It sounds too simple."

Cas paused, and Dean knew, there was something else. "What?"

"Ryan has always been strong, Dean. And we have always assumed it was because of her connection to you. If it is, then she is stronger than your basic demon. Perhaps not as strong as a knight, but..."

"Strong enough to not come willingly," Dean finished.

"The spell is not foolproof."

"Great."

"We must avoid her going to Lucifer at all costs, Dean."

"That's what I don't get...he's an angel. Why's he need demon blood anyway? I always wondered that."

"It's a built in safety mechanism," Gabriel stated as he appeared. "He knew he would need something additional to avoid any of his brethren from taking his vessel."

"Do you think that's his endgame? To use Ryan as his vessel?"

Gabriel shook his head. "No. She's of my stock. He can't use her. She's got my bloodline. But there is one he could use..."

"Jon," Dean breathed.

Gabriel nodded. "I've got him on lockdown. He's not thrilled, but let's be honest, my little brother's the perfect vessel for Satan."

Dean snorted. "And around we go," he mused. It wasn't funny, but at the same time, the symmetry was unbelievable. "So...what do we do?"

"Wait for Hope to work her magic, so to speak."

"I hate waiting."

"Yeah, me too," Gabriel told him glumly.

The three arrived back at the bunker in time to see Hope finish the spell. "Well?"

"I found her."

"That doesn't sound confident," Dean began worriedly.

"She's in Hell, Dad."

Dean didn't wait for any other information as he disappeared to Hell, Gabriel hot on his heels. "What are you doing?" Dean began as he rounded on his son.

"I'm helping you. Look, she's my mother, yes, but I was _in _her, Dad. I know her, probably better than you. If anyone besides you could talk her down, it's me."

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. "You're right. Okay, let's go."

They walked together and the pit of dread in Dean's stomach grew. "I know where she is."

Gabriel winced. "Yeah, I do, too."

They hurried down to the cage and found Jerry's dead body, along with... "Meg," Dean breathed as he knelt down to his knight's lifeless form.

"Dad..." Gabriel's tone was full of warning.

Dean's head shot up as he saw Ryan at the doors to the cage. "Ryan, no!"

Ryan stopped, but didn't face him. "And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name, 'cause I was only born inside my dreams. Until you die for me, as long as there's a light, my shadow's over you."

His brows furrowed. "Ryan?"

She glanced back at him briefly and he saw the deadness in her eyes. "Ryan? Baby?"

She smiled as her head turned back to the cage, appraising it. "We've been here forever. And here's the frozen proof. I could scream forever. We are the poisoned youth."

Where did he know that? He knew what words she was saying, but he didn't know what it meant. "Ryan, step away from the cage. Please, baby, please. Don't do this."

Her head dropped just slightly as she stared at the holy fire. "I'm sorry it has to be this way."

"Ryan, you don't have to do this."

She turned to them once more, and in that instant, Dean realized...Hope was right. There might be memories, but that wasn't Ryan staring back at him. It was a monster in Ryan's skin. It was Ryan, but it wasn't. The Ryan they knew and loved was dead. And she was never coming back.

"We'll go down in history, Dean. Remember me. For Centuries," she murmured as she whipped back toward the cage, sliced her palm with an angel blade, Jerry's, Dean was sure of it, muttered a spell in Enochian, and then it was over. The cage door flew open. "Ryan!" Dean shouted, but she didn't even pretend he existed as she handed the blade over to Lucifer, who quickly stabbed Michael, killing him.

"No!" Gabriel shouted as he tried to run forward, but Dean grabbed him.

Lucifer turned and smiled coldly as he stepped from the cage. He embraced Ryan, whispering in her ear. Dean watched, his stomach rolling, as Ryan turned so she was in front of the fallen angel, working almost as a shield as his arm slipped around her waist, the angel blade trailing lightly up and down her side while she stood, docile.

"Wondering why she doesn't love you anymore, Dean?" he asked coldly as he pressed a kiss to Ryan's collarbone.

"You get your hands off her, you sick son of a bitch!"

The devil cackled. "See, soul mates are interesting creatures. As long as one of you remained human, it kept the other tethered to them, and the human half loved the other half, no matter what the other was turned into. However, if both become demons, the bond is broken. I'm surprised you didn't know this, Gabriel. Although, you never were a great student, were you?"

Dean heard Lucifer refer to him again. "Ah, Dean. So sorry, didn't mean to ignore you. It's just so good to see my little brother. But you...you poor dumb sap. You should have read the fine print. Part two of the prophecy? Did you forget?"

"We couldn't find it," Dean breathed. He hadn't forgotten. He knew there was more to this whole thing than met the eye.

Ryan blinked and smiled as she recited in a monotone voice; "And she, the mother of the one true king, the mistress of both plains, shall become the Queen of Hell. And when her grace fails, and the evil takes hold, thus, the angel shall be released, and the true rein of evil shall begin. She shall unlock the doors and bring forth Hell on Earth."

Lucifer bent, just slightly, to whisper something in Ryan's ear and Dean's eyes grew wide as she breathed, "Yes," in a voice full of adoration.

Dean could do nothing but watch in horror as the angel took possession of her.

Lucifer blinked from Ryan's vessel. "Little known fact; any of us archangels can possess one another's vessels and bloodlines. Oops. Guess you didn't know that, did you, Gabriel? See, Dean? You missed the point. You tried and you tried, but it doesn't matter. Yes, it took me a bit longer to get here, but finally, I'm out again. How does it feel to realize both your brother and the love of your life were earmarked for me from the beginning? I win. So, I win. And you're just as powerless as you were before." And with that, they vanished.

* * *

The weeks turned to months as Dean's vision of the end of 2014 became a reality. Life was over, it seemed. The Croatoan virus swept the world. And Lucifer was right; Dean was powerless to stop it. They searched high and low for Lucifer, for Ryan, but it was next to impossible. He was being sneaky. He didn't want to be found. Not that it mattered...what could they do to stop him? Gabriel had taken this as a personal mission – he felt it was his job to kill the devil this time around, and Jon was right by his side, helping him. Hope and Cas worked things from Heaven's end but no great ideas had come from the heavenly host, so they truly had nothing better to do than to sit around, and wait.

* * *

**August Twentieth**

**Hope POV**

Hope stood, stretched, and popped her neck. "I'm failing to see how an angel binding spell can work."

"If we combined an angel and demon binding spell, we might be able to stop him," Kris explained as she continued scribbling furiously.

"No, you're right, I just...he's an archangel, Kris..."

"I can't just sit here with my thumb up my ass while he uses Ryan to destroy the planet!"

"Babe," Ben began as he walked over and rubbed Krissy's shoulders. "It's okay. Just...just breathe, alright?"

Kris took a deep breath and blew it out. "I just...I want...I don't know what I want. I want things back to how they were before. Remember how simple it was? We were all kids, remember? We had Sam and Ryan and..."

Hope winced. Krissy had always liked Dean, but Hope knew she'd secretly rooted for Sam and Ryan to hook up. Not that she didn't love Andy, she did, but when someone shot a hole in your ship with canon, it tended to suck spectacularly. "We already thought of that. We can't go back in time. Gabriel..."

"You ever think maybe your brother doesn't know everything?" Kris spat.

Hope blinked. "I'm not saying Gabriel knows everything, I'm just saying..." She blew out a breath. "I'm going for a walk. I can't...I just need a minute."

"Go on," Ben stated with a tired smile. "It's okay."

Hope walked out and down to the lake. Sam and Andy were watching the kids at their house while Kris and Hope worked out a few kinks in this latest spell. Hope really wasn't feeling very optimistic, but since the world was ending, she might as well put her hope in something.

She stood, enjoying the cool breeze that played across her skin, a soft smile on her lips. Life would find a way to fix itself. She and Cas and Gabriel...they'd come up with something. If they could get this spell to work, to bind Lucifer and Ryan's vessel for a little bit, long enough to...well, she hadn't thought that far ahead, but something would work. It had to.

She took one more great inhalation of the cleansing night air before she walked back to the house. She stepped inside and gasped.

"Hello, sister."

She swallowed hard as she took in the sight of her mother's vessel holding Ben on his knees before her. "Lucifer...let him go."

"This? This inconsequential human? You care for him, Hope?"

"He's my brother," she pleaded softly.

Lucifer's eyes, Ryan's eyes, narrowed. "And what am I? Chopped liver?"

"No, Lucifer, you are my brother as well. Please, don't fight. Don't do this."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because, I'm asking you not to."

He sneered and Hope almost couldn't take the sight of him using Ryan this way. "Favors are for the weak. Don't you see? The only way to get what you want in life is to take it."

_Cas, Cas, come quick, to the lake house. He's here. Bring Dad, bring Gabe, bring everyone, _she cried in her head, but to Lucifer, she said, "And what is it you want, brother mine? I will give it to you, you only have to ask."

Lucifer snorted. "Please. Like you care about me. You didn't in Heaven, you didn't care when I fell, hell, even Gabriel came to visit me in the cage, if only to jeer at me."

"Oh, don't you see how hurt I am? I never wanted that for you! But you made your choice..."

"Yes, and now I'm making it again."

"By using my mother's vessel?"

Lucifer smiled coldly. "You know, I'm beginning to understand why some angels cleave to the female form. Of course, the males are nice, too, but this...I'm quite enjoying her body. The pleasure you can gain! It's quite...thrilling, taking advantage of the human form. I did not have time to fully enjoy it before, though, I admit to having a few dalliances. Sam Winchester's vessel was quite pleasing for women to look at, to be with, and I did take pleasure in using it. But now, in Ryan's vessel, well, let's just say I'm enjoying it immensely."

Hope winced and he laughed. "I didn't take you for a prude, sister, what with the way you cavort around with that demon you bed."

Hope's eyes narrowed. "I don't see where that is any of your business. You're wearing a demon, after all..."

"Ah, but it's different, isn't it? This is my only option."

"Not your only option."

Lucifer's eyes widened in surprise. "Yes. The boy king. How interesting it comes full circle. But do you really think I would want him?"

"He's of your bloodline, you know, much more so than Ryan is."

"But I'm enjoying being a girl," he pouted daintily. His gaze moved across the room to where Kris was slowly mixing ingredients. "Ah, ah, ah...I'm not through with you, little human girl," he growled. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing. It won't work, by the way."

"The Winchesters bound Death. Anything can be bound if you try hard enough."

Lucifer waved his hand and all the ingredients on the table vanished. "Not if you have nothing to work with."

Hope swallowed hard. "Lucifer, please, brother..."

He cackled. "Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen. What silly words are you reciting, Hope? Surely a stupid little spell from a silly little human play won't work on me."

Hope hadn't realized she was muttering them aloud. She knew what Lucifer was going to do. She found it odd the lyrics to a play she'd loved as a child would come back to her now. She remembered going to see it...maybe... "Mom, you remember that, don't you? I know he's tapped into your memories...you remember how much fun we had going to see Wicked? Jody went with us. We dressed up, we went and ate at that fancy restaurant...it was one of the best girl dates we ever had!"

Lucifer's eyes narrowed. "That will not work, Hope. See, I realized my mistake with Sam. Had he been turned into a demon before I took possession of him, I could have won so many years ago. But I didn't know. This time around, my fail-safe was foolproof."

She had to bide her time...she had to drag this out just a bit longer...Cas had to find his way to her. They'd cloaked the house, no one could find it by angel air. She didn't know how Lucifer had found them, but he had.

"Hmmm, let's see...based on your song, the spell should go something like this, correct? Let his flesh not be torn. Let his blood leave no stain. Though they beat him, let him feel no pain. Let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him, let him never die..."

Tears were streaming down her face. "Lucifer, please..."

"I'll make you a deal, Hope. You screw a demon, so you know how deals work, right? Choose."

She blinked. "What?"

His hand moved and Kris was pinned to the wall. "Choose. I'll let one of them live. They have children, correct? I dare not make the little ones suffer through living without both parents. So, choose."

"Hope, you'd better choose Krissy!" Ben managed to shout before he winced in pain as Krissy screamed, "No!"

"Silence," Lucifer commanded. He looked at Hope. "Well?"

Hope's eyes shot to Ben's. She knew, deep down, she wouldn't win this. She could only hope to distract Lucifer long enough to engage him in battle. If she could fight and hold him off... "I'm sorry," she breathed.

Ben gave her a small nod. "Thank you," he mouthed before Lucifer snapped his neck.

Lucifer tossed the body to the floor and began walking toward Hope, still keeping Krissy pinned to the wall. Hope backed up and Lucifer pressed her gently into the wall. She was taller than her mother, but just by an inch or two, so they were almost eye-to eye thanks to the shoes Ryan's vessel was wearing. "You know, our brother, Loki, as they called him, was often referred to as a Liesmith."

Hope swallowed again and felt the angel blade fall into her hand. "Yeah?"

Lucifer smiled coldly. "Well, he's not the only one." Hope heard a sickening crack only a moment before Lucifer vanished.

Hope sank to her knees as she saw the blood flowing from Krissy's lifeless body. "No. NO!" she screamed.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He stood, stone-faced as the funeral pyre was lit. They had wrapped the bodies together and burned them together. Cas said it was quite fitting for soul mates. Dean knew the angel didn't mean it to hurt his feelings, but it did. He was fucking pissed. Sam and Andy were ensconced in a secret location with their two kids, along with Ben and Krissy's kids. They had the house warded against angels, demons, and anything else Sam could think of. They'd parted ways that morning and Dean knew, no matter what the outcome, it would be a long time, if ever, that he would see his brother again. Sam had to go incommunicado for the children's sake. It didn't make life any easier, though.

"Dad..." Hope began. "Daddy, I'm so sorry...I failed. I should have...I didn't think...I..."

Dean grasped her hand and squeezed it. "You didn't know. How could you?"

"He's pure evil. I should have known..."

Dean shook his head. "No, he's not. I've seen pure evil and he ain't it. He thinks he's doing the right thing. He always did."

"It isn't..."

"And what is? Huh? What difference does it make? We're going to lose. Hell, I already have..." He turned and walked away from the fire and headed back toward the bunker.

"Dean!"

Dean sighed. "Not now, Cas. It's over. Why don't we just admit defeat, huh? At least if the son of a bitch kills me, I don't have to worry about looking at him in Ryan's body again."

"I'm surprised at you, giving up this way."

Dean shook his head and shrugged. "Sometimes, you've got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run."

"Did you just quote a Kenny Rogers song to me?"

Dean gave him a half smile. "I almost miss you being pop culture illiterate."

"I could pretend, if it would make things easier."

Dean shook his head. "Nah. You be you, Cas. I've always liked that about you. You're just...you."

"And you do not give up, Dean. You never have."

"And we're not giving up now, either," Gabriel stated as he walked up. "I've got a plan."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Is that a fact? Is it as brilliant as all of this? Because, I've got to admit, it was a hell of a plan, Gabe."

"This isn't his fault, Dad," Jon stated as he walked up as well. "And you know it."

"I know it? I know your mother is being used by Lucifer! I know she's dead in there! I know that I'm dead in here! In my heart..." He trailed off as he shook his head and cleared his throat. "Look, just...I can't, okay? I can't. I moved on once, when the devil took someone I love. I can't do it again."

"You don't have to," Hope stated.

"What?" He watched as Gabriel and Hope shared a silent discussion.

Gabriel shook his head. "I...I don't know, Hope."

"Could it work?"

"In theory? Yes."

"What am I missing, guys?" Dean asked.

"Yeah. Why do I feel like only the demons aren't in on this?"

Gabriel sighed and looked at Jon. "It's possible...I mean, it would require a hell of a lot of juice, but...it's possible we could send one of us back."

"Back...where?"

"To the beginning. To when Mom and..." Gabriel cleared his throat. "If she didn't make the deal, then she won't become a demon. If Dad isn't a demon, she can't become one, either."

"Deal...what deal?" Dean asked.

Jon winced. "Dad...those hellhounds? They came because Mom sold her soul to you, that night, the night you two first hooked up again."

"But, her soul was already mine, wasn't it?"

"But you weren't a demon then," Gabriel added. "That night, when she had sex with you, as the king of Hell, she bound herself to you, selling her soul in the process. Those hellhounds were just doing their job."

"But we couldn't find her. Meg didn't know where she was..."

"I found out," Jon spoke up again. "I found the mole. Anseth was his name. He worked with Alistair before Meg's time. He was kept away, undercover, until the time was right. He was hand-picked for this job. He's waited centuries for her to be ready."

"He tortured her, didn't he?"

Jon nodded. "Terribly. Worse than even you can imagine. I got it out of him, finally, everything."

"Where is he?" Dean demanded.

"I took care of him," Gabriel declared. "I smote him. I...I couldn't...I should have had...I let my emotions get the best of me."

"A true Winchester," Dean stated with almost a smile. "I get it, Gabe. I'm glad you handled him."

"Well, I'm still pissed. I wanted a shot at the bastard," Hope spat.

Gabriel shrugged. "Too bad, so sad, sister mine."

"So...what's the plan?" Jon asked. "Who's going back?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

It was Castiel's turn to wince. "On whether or not we can find the power to send someone back."

"But...you're all angels," Dean began. "Can't you just..."

"Dad, it's not that easy. None of us are as strong as we once were. When Metatron flipped the switch, he screwed us all over. Even Gabriel isn't as strong..."

"That's my fault," he admitted. "If I weren't in this vessel, I would be stronger. The vampire inhibits me somewhat. I can't...I'm not as strong as I should be due to the fact my vessel is tainted."

"So, what are we going to do?"

Cas and Hope exchanged a look. "Research," the stated in unison.

"We'll be back soon," Hope commented before they both vanished.

Dean looked at his two sons, and Jesse, who had walked up. "Now what?"

"I guess we sit here with our thumbs up our asses until the winged asshats return," Jon growled.

"Hey, I'm a winged asshat," Gabriel put in.

Jon grinned. "Finally! You admit you're an asshat, asshat."

Gabriel's eyes burned angel blue. "Well, you're a black eyed douchebag."

Jon flashed his black eyes at his brother. "Jerk."

"Bitch," Gabriel replied with a smile before he grabbed his brother around the shoulders. "Come on, bro. Let's get back to the bunker."

Dean watched the two wink out of sight and smiled. "They're like carbon copies of us, Sammy," he muttered to himself before he, too, disappeared.

* * *

"How much longer will we have to wait?" Jon asked for the five hundredth time that night. It had been three days since Hope and Cas had disappeared to Heaven to look for something no one was certain existed anymore.

"Heaven...moves differently in accordance with time," Gabriel stated wearily. "How's things in Hell?" he asked Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh, peachy. Half the demons are terrified of me, the other half are terrified of Lucifer. So, not a whole lot of anything is getting done. Bela's doing the best she can, and Jesse...he's a rock."

"Is he coming back topside?"

Dean glanced at his watch. "Yeah, actually, he should have been here by now..."

"You don't think..."

Dean felt his stomach plummet. "Nothing would surprise me anymore," he replied as he dropped into Hell. He searched his office, and after finding it empty, began searching for his son-in-law. Surely he would be there, somewhere...

"Looking for someone?" Ryan's voice sneered at him, sending his nerve endings on edge.

Dean slowly turned. "Lucifer. How about coming out and fighting like a man?"

Lucifer smiled coldly from Ryan's face. "And why would I do that? I'm so enjoying Ryan's vessel." He ran her hand sensually up her body. "Wouldn't you love to have it again, Dean? I'd let you have her for the night. I'd release her to you."

"It's not her, not anymore. She's dead in there. That...thing has taken her over."

"That 'thing' as you so eloquently put it, is the same thing you are, so don't go parading around on your high horse, Dean Winchester."

"I may be a demon, but at least I still know what it's like to be human!"

Lucifer giggled wildly. "Is that so? Well, good for you. I'll make sure that goes on your tombstone."

"Kill me. Go ahead. What are you waiting for?"

The devil smiled sweetly. "Oh, not yet. But soon, baby. Soon I'll gut you like a fish and drink you like a fountain. And you'll enjoy every moment of it."

Dean felt sick to his stomach as Lucifer vanished. To hear those words said from Ryan's mouth...he felt nauseated at the mere thoughts. He blinked, attempted to shake it off, and walked to the torture level. Since Meg's death, Jon had somewhat taken over, though he rarely initiated torture. Instead, he had quite a few demons in charge of torturing the souls. Dean stopped when a scent caught his nose...angel mixed with demon...the scent Jesse usually carried on him. Fifth door on the right. Raeburn's old room. They'd been using it for storage mostly, though occasionally they'd had to use it for overflow. "Jess? Glad you're here, boy..." Dean walked into the room and stopped dead. There, strung upside down, was Jesse. "Jess!" Dean ran over to him, but it was no use. The boy's meatsuit was empty. It was evident Lucifer had smote him. Permanently. "No..." The fragrance of honeysuckle still hung in the air despite the smell of burnt flesh, blood, and hellfire. Dean's eyes narrowed. Lucifer kept making this shit personal. He was going to kill that son of a bitch, even if it meant ending Ryan.

* * *

**Gabriel POV **

"Remind me again why this was a good idea?" Jon panted beside him as they ran. Gabe watched his brother let out a growl as he stabbed two more Croats before they ran down the length of the dirt road, not even bothering to see if the creatures died or not. Both their mojo, demon, and angel, was running out and they couldn't afford to exhaust themselves, not enough to use it on the infected humans, anyway.

Gabriel gasped out a breath. Fuck if he wasn't exhausted. He made a slit in his palm and flung it out toward the door where the blood magick began working, making the door glow. They made it to the bunker just in time to open the door and shut themselves inside. Not that it would do a damn bit of good. She could get in anyway. _They _could get in anywhere. Nowhere was safe.

"Jon! Gabe!" Hope shouted as she ran up the stairs to envelop her brothers in a hug.

Jon grinned. "Hey, angel face, how's kicks?"

"Fine, Jon. Glad to see you're still alive."

He chuckled and flickered his eyes to black. "Demon, remember? Glad to see you're still kicking, too, sis."

She shot him a look as her own eyes flicked to glowing blue. "Angel, remember?"

He snorted. "However could I forget?"

She rolled her eyes at him as she led him back down to the worktables where Cas was looking over lore books.

"Where's Dad?"

Hope looked at him in concern. "What do you mean? Wasn't he with you?"

Jon shook his head as Gabriel walked over to get the bottle of booze. "Nope, he went to Hell a while ago. Jon and I ran out to get supplies, got attacked, had to fight them off hand-to-hand. How did the mission go upstairs?"

Hope winced.

Gabriel's eyebrow popped as he downed a shot. "That good, huh?"

She blew out a breath. "It could have gone better."

"They're closing ranks, aren't they?"

Castiel gaped at him. "How did you...?"

Gabriel gave them a grim smile. "Michael put those safeguards in place, Cas. I've known him longer than you. In the event of his death, his permanent death, they were to be put into place."

"Well, we're fucked three ways from Sunday," Hope growled as she snatched the bottle out of her brother's hand and drank straight from it. "We're on our own."

"You say that like you're surprised, sis."

"Bite me, Gabe."

Gabriel smiled and dropped his fangs. "I could."

She rolled her eyes again, a gesture so similar to their mother's, he had to fight back the urge to drop a few tears. "So," he stated gruffly, "You two got a plan?"

"We could use another angel..." Cas began.

"News flash, Cas, I'm an angel, yeah, but I'm limited. This vampire in me...it screws with my grace, now more than ever."

"You are still stronger than Hope or I..."

"...And not as strong as the devil," he finished. He knew, if he battled Lucifer head-to-head, he would lose. Lucifer was the better fighter when it came to angel-on-angel fighting. After all, hadn't he killed Cas with the snap of his fingers?

"You're plenty strong," Hope began as she rubbed a hand up and down his arm.

He shrugged it off and walked away. He couldn't deal with her optimism. He took the bottle and propped himself up against the table as he watched Jon converse with their sister, who now that he noticed, was nursing a few wounds, healing them with her angel's grace. She looked up at him. "I'm fine, bro. Promise."

"You got into a fight?"

She shrugged. "Nothing Cas and I couldn't handle, right?"

He nodded. "We are fine, Gabriel," he stated dismissively as he continued reading.

"See? We're good. I'm just…worried."

Jon let out a snort as he snagged the bottle from Gabriel and took a generous swig. "I can't begin to imagine _why_, sis. Our mother's only the worst thing since the first apocalypse and we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses."

She shot him a glare. "It isn't anyone's fault. We can always…"

"What, Hope? We can _hope _something good comes out of this? It won't, Hopey, you know it, I know it, _Dad _fucking knows it!"

Gabe winced. "I hate to agree with him, but he's got a point. Mom as the Queen of Hell and Lucifer's vessel is the worst. None of us are safe…"

That much was evident. The earth was falling faster than it had during the first apocalypse and it was only a matter of time before…

"She killed Jesse," Dean stated softly as he appeared in the room. "I…I can't believe it. She…it…I didn't…I couldn't…" Dean sank into a chair and he looked up at his three children. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I had hoped we could save her in time, to end her before…" The boys gasped. Jesse had been like a brother to them.

"No," Hope gasped, putting her hands to her mouth. "Daddy…she didn't."

Dean just nodded. "I didn't think. Of course Lucifer could kill him. I should have protected him better..."

Hope began wailing and her brothers immediately put their arms around her. Gabriel felt terrible. Jesse had been there for her, he'd been Hope's lover, her husband, her friend...she might have been an angel, but that didn't excuse her love. He wanted to say something positive to his sister, to say they'd kill the devil for good, but he knew it was a pipe dream. There was no way this would end well. For any of them.

"So…what is the plan?" Hope asked softly once she'd calmed down. Gabriel knew; she would grieve when she had time, but she had the steely Winchester resolve running down her spine. She would stay on task until she had time to let it all out, to grieve for her lover.

Dean shook his head. "I have no clue," he stated honestly.

"I still can't believe she let Lucifer have an angel blade to kill Michael in the cage," Jon commented.

"I don't know why that surprises you when she's done so much out of character for her already."

"Are we sure Sam is safe?" Castiel asked.

"He…should be," Dean stated softly. Gabriel thought about his uncle. He knew Dean would have stopped at nothing to keep Sam safe. Sam had tried to come with them. He wanted to be by Dean's side for this fight, but Andy and all the children needed protecting more than anyone else did.

When Ben and Kris had died, Sam hadn't wanted to sit idly by. After all, he was a hunter first. His first instinct had been to grab his gear and stay with his brother. Everyone knew Dean would have loved it for Sam to be with him for this last ride, but Dean couldn't ask that of him. He was just a human. He had a family, he needed to stay safe, for them, for the next generation, if the world lasted that long. Besides, he hadn't hunted much in the past ten years. Sure, he had taken a few odd jobs, but he wasn't as young, wasn't as quick, and Dean hadn't wanted him getting hurt. "I can't call, can't check, but Lucifer promised he would leave them alone. Sam's been purified of the demon blood for years now, so I can't imagine Lucifer wanting to use his vessel anymore, even if he did lie about not wanting Sam. If anything, I'd think he'd want me…"

"Or me," Jon spoke up quickly. At everyone's looks, he shrugged. "Come on, half demon already? Winchester with archangel bloodlines running down both sides? He has to know, or she's told him, that you would do whatever it took to keep me safe, right, Dad? Including taking his place. Same with Uncle Sammy. That's why Gabe has been by my side for the past few months, isn't it? You didn't tell me why, but I knew. I'm not stupid."

Gabriel shot his brother a look. "Well, you're not the brightest bulb, either, champ."

"Bite me."

Gabe blew him a kiss, earning him a rude hand gesture.

Cas stood and walked to the back table where their meager weapons supply was. "Dean. It is time." He held up The First Blade and Dean started shaking his head profusely.

"No, Cas, man, you can't ask me to…"

Gabriel swallowed hard. They'd heard reports of Lucifer going into and out of Ryan's vessel, occasionally possessing the people he needed for other things. The fact remained; Luci might not like humans, but he needed them.

"If we could catch her when he isn't possessing her, then we could kill her. At least then, we can get one monster taken care of." Cas winced as soon as the words left his mouth. "I'm sorry. That was insensitive…"

Hope shook her head and put a hand on his arm. It hurt to think of their mother being a monster, especially since Dean wasn't, even though he was the king demon, but the fact remained…"No, it isn't. If she's…dead…then we can at least take care of that one issue. But Lucifer…"

"We can't do anything about it," Gabriel stated. Everyone turned to him. "Come on, we're fucked no matter how you try to spin this. You get close to his vessel, Lucifer will end you. He gave Cain that mark, Dad. He won't hesitate to kill you and we all know it. Luci's out of his box and there's no one left to fight him. We can't put him back in the cage because the only one strong enough to have done it is Uncle Sammy and he's not the vessel he once was."

"Lucifer wouldn't want Steven, would he?" Hope asked of Sam's son.

Dean shook his head. "Even though he's got the bloodline, he doesn't have any demon in him. It would definitely be me or Jon that would be the preferable vessels this time around."

Suddenly Jon gasped. "What if I'm not here?"

Everyone's gaze lit on him and he grinned. "Well? What if I'm not here?"

"And just where in the world would you go to hide from _Lucifer_?" The irritation was easy to hear in Hope's tone.

He shook his head. "Not where, _when_."

"Huh?"

His smirk grew as he turned to the three angels. "Could you, hypothetically send me back in time? Let me be the one to go back?"

"To when, Jonathan?" Cas asked.

"To the day Mom made the deal."

"They made the deal by copulating," Cas began as Dean winced.

Jon did too. "Yeah, I've heard the stories," Jon told him. "But I'm her kid. Hell, I look just like Dad did at my age. Identical. Let me talk to her. Send me back to when she made the deal, I'll talk her out of it."

"That makes sense," Gabriel stated excitedly. "If we could send you back, we could hit the 'reset' button."

"Time travel has never worked when Cas sent me back," Dean reminded them.

"That's because Cas wasn't doing it right," Gabriel said coolly.

"Look, Gabriel, I realize you may have more power than I do," Castiel began in an irritated tone.

"Obviously."

"Can it, you two," Hope growled. "Shut it up, now. You two are my brothers, but I swear, you're driving me guano! This is _not _a pissing contest!"

In the silence following that statement, Gabriel's mind whirled. He remembered hearing the stories of how Dean found out about his children. "Wait…" He blinked as he continued to think. Jon had been slated to take The Mark when he turned nineteen. That was the age they'd all agreed on. It was only in a few years… "Let Jon go back and take The Mark now," he said finally.

"What?" Dean asked and Cas seconded the thought.

"It makes sense!" Jon stated excitedly. "If I take The Mark now, then Cas, you can cure him and Dad will be human again. And if he's human again, he can raise us _with _mom."

Castiel thought it over a moment. "Again, it is all hypothetical, Jonathan. But you are, in fact, a demon. I do not recall any angel ever transporting a demon through time."

"Could you do it?"

"I…I am not certain. It could kill us," he said of the three angels standing there.

"Well, we're dead anyway…" Gabriel countered.

"Jon, I can't ask you to do this," Dean started.

Jon smiled. "Dad, I'm my father's son. I'm a Winchester through and through. Saving people, right? Well, if I go back now, take The Mark, I'm already part demon, and I fight for the side of good. I'm worthy enough because of the side I fight on. Look at it this way, you'll have me down south, Hope up north, Gabriel to the, wherever the fuck Purgatory is, and then everything balances out, the prophecy comes true, doesn't it, Cas?"

"It would appear so… But this is a great risk, Jonathan."

Just then, everything shook. "Everyone we know and love is dead, right?" Gabriel asked as he looked at the cracks beginning in the ceiling.

"Yes. Except for Sam, Andy, and the kids."

"And they're safe?"

"As safe as they can be," Dean told him solemnly.

"Then, heed my words when I say that our mother is coming back."

The shaking grew worse. "That is...a problem," Cas pronounced.

"No shit, Sherlock," Jon shot back at him. He turned to Gabriel. "Bro..."

Gabriel winced. He wasn't about to do it. He couldn't condemn Jon to this. "Jon, bud..."

"Don't," Jon began and Gabriel hated to hear the crack in his brother's voice. "Don't you dare, Gabriel." The younger boy turned to their father. "Dad?"

"I think it's a pretty damn fool idea," Dean told him finally. He looked at his son and grinned. "But, hell, since when have us Winchesters been smart in any decisions we make?"

Another earthquake shook the bunker. "Time's running out," Jon whispered as he saw cracks forming on each of the walls.

Dean nodded. "They'll breach here soon and we'll either have to pledge loyalty to the devil or die."

"I may be part vampire, and I know Lucifer's my dick brother, but I don't claim loyalty to that son of a bitch," Gabriel growled as his fangs descended in irritation.

"Neither do I," Jon stated. "We're Winchesters. No matter what is our blood, no matter what our species, we fight for one thing. We fight for earth. We fight for goodness. We fight for love."

"That was beautiful," Hope drawled sarcastically. "But you're forgetting a few things...the power it will take to get something evil sent back in time."

"Evil, huh? Gee, thanks, angel face," he muttered.

"Jon, if we do this...when, we do this, we will be sending you back to the moments right before your mother and father seal the deal."

"Okay, ew, Cas. I really hope we hit this right. I need to see no naked asses."

Dean chuckled. "Technically, it's only my ass you'll see. Your mother's was covered at the time..."

"Okay, again, ew. I now need brain bleach, Dad. Just because you won't remember this, doesn't mean I won't. I'll know exactly what happens from here on out. I will be the only one to know what the world could have been."

"So did I, once upon a time," Dean countered softly. He hadn't talked much about the first Armageddon, but he had, once, Gabriel remembered. He talked about the desolation he'd seen in the alternate world he'd been sent to, a world that didn't come to pass because of him and Sam. He hadn't forgotten how horrible it had been to travel into time to see the destruction as it could have been. For Jon to go back and be stuck in time…it was a heavy burden, but one Gabriel knew Jon would gratefully shoulder if it meant saving everyone.

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Hope asked softly. "No offense, Jon, but you aren't the most sympathetic person I've ever met."

"Bite me, feathers," he snapped, but then he smiled and enveloped her in a hug. "I promise. I'll be fine. I'll tell Mom and Dad what to expect, and when to send past me back down south so I can then like, what? Meld with him or whatever? Like on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."

"I still can't believe you three like those movies," Dean growled with an eye roll. "Aunt Charlie didn't do you kids any favors."

Gabriel grinned. "Mom was the one that read us the books, not Aunt Charlie." His grin grew. "Besides...didn't you own up to reading them yourself?"

Dean shot him a glare and they both smiled.

Another earthquake shook the joint. "This had better work, Hope," Castiel suddenly said.

She shot him a look. "I'm not going to incinerate myself just so we have a failed mission, be me a Winchester or not. My angel side is warring with the blood of my vessel in this instance. I really don't like the thought of being vaporized, Cas."

"V-Vaporized?" Jon began.

Hope held up her angel blade, and eyed it. "How else do you think we're going to get the raw power to send a demon eleven years into the past?"

"You…you would do that for me?"

"We believe in you, Jonathan Cain Winchester, just as we believed in your father. You will do what is right, not what is easy."

Jon couldn't help the grin." You know you just kinda quoted Dumbledore there, don't you, Castiel?"

Cas nodded with a small smile of his own. "Wise words should be spoken in a time like this."

Jon hugged the angel. "Thank you, Cas. I know you will be alright."

"You must find past me and quickly explain what must be done. If you fail to be there before they copulate, you will be stuck there and then you will be on an endless loop as the rest of the world burns, or, you kill your mother to end the cycle, only, that would send your father into a rage and when Dean Winchester gets into a rage, there is no knowing how he would react."

"Gee, Cas, that sounds…terrifying. Okay. Get to you, get shit straight, get there before they do the dirty deed. Sure. How hard can that be, right?"

He walked over to his brother and hugged Gabriel tightly. Their brotherly bond was just as deep as Sam and Dean's had been, perhaps deeper, but healthier. They could easily exist without the other, and often did when Gabriel traveled to Purgatory or Jon went and apprenticed for months under Dean in Hell, but it was a hardship. They were three years apart. They had learned to do most things together from the time Jon could walk. They had learned what it meant to be a Winchester together. Gabriel had learned what it meant to really have a brother. "I wish like hell I could take you with me, G."

Gabe had tears in his eyes and Jon did too. "Hey, it's all good, right? I mean, you're not really leaving me. I know you're going to have a hard time of it, but at least you can then remember each thing we did together, right?"

Jon nodded. "And my memories will be constantly changing as I remember things we haven't done yet…"

Gabriel smiled. "Wibbly Wobbly Timey-Wimey?"

Jon laughed. "Exactly." They were both silent a moment. "Can I do this? I'm a fucking kid, Gabe."

Gabriel popped him lightly on the forehead. "Helloooooo, boy king, genius. Of course you can do this. It's your destiny, man."

Jon swallowed hard. "Okay."

Gabe pulled him close. This whole time he'd been thinking. He knew how to fix this. He knew what had to be done. "Fuck what they've said," he whispered in his brother's ear. "I'm changing it again. I'm fixing it, for good."

Jon's eyes widened. "Gabe…what are you...?"

Gabriel winked at him. "Trickster, remember?"

"Jon, when you are ready," Cas stated.

Jon eyed Gabriel warily as he stepped out of his brother's embrace and went to hug Dean next. "Dad, I promise, I'll fix this."

"I'm sorry it has to be you, Jon."

"Who else _could _it be?"

"I'm proud of you, Jonathan. I know I've told you before, but I want you to know it."

Jon smiled. "You were a decent father, Dad. Don't let anyone ever tell you different."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry I didn't look after your mom better, that I didn't know what she would become. I panicked." He blew out a breath. "Looking back now, I knew it was a mistake when I did it, turned her back human the last time. I just...I couldn't stand the thought of her being a monster. Apparently, I don't need this much power."

"How could you have known?" Jon shook his head. "It's fine, Dad. I swear." He stepped to his sister last. "Hopey, I flipped my shit a time or two regarding you and some of your angel decisions. I'm sorry. I didn't handle it well."

Hope threw her arms around him. "You've always been a dick, Jon. You're too much like Dad not to be."

"Hey!" Dean shouted indignantly, causing her to laugh through her tears. She was the most human of all the angels, save for Gabriel, who now understood what it was like to be vampire, as well. They had never been sure if it was because of the virtue of Hope she embodied, or the fact her vessel was most definitely a Winchester, but it was true.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," she told him as she laid a hand on his face. "It will be a long, lonely time for you. Ten years topside is over one thousand years in hell, Jon."

He sucked in a breath. "It'll be worth it." He puffed up his chest. "Besides, I'm a Winchester and a Fawcett. We persevere."

She smiled. "Damn right we do." She stepped back and the angels gathered around him, putting one hand on him. "I love you, Jon," she murmured as she raised her blade.

"Can I help," Gabe asked. "You know I've probably got enough juice to get him back."

Cas nodded. "Certainly. It should be you, who guides him, his best friend, his brother."

Gabe smirked. "Thanks. That makes it easier." He hated he wouldn't get to tell them all goodbye, but he had to do this. This was his fuck up. He had to fix it, one more time. Hopefully, this time, he could make it right. He just hoped he had enough power to do it...

He saw tears running down Jon's face and he grabbed Gabriel's arm. Suddenly, Gabe's grin grew. "Carry on my wayward son."

Dean smiled, as he, too, joined in singing, "There'll be peace when you are done."

Hope, too, joined in with her high soprano. "Lay your weary head to rest."

Jon added his tenor, "Don't you cry no more." He took in a stuttering breath. "For Mom."

"For Mom," Gabe stated.

"For Mom," Hope chorused.

"For Ryan," Dean and Castiel stated.

The door burst open on the bunker. "Well, well, well, looks like I'm in time for the family reunion!" Lucifer cackled gleefully.

"Stop," Dean commanded as he stalked forward with the blade in his hand.

"No, I don't think so," Lucifer chortled as he waved his hand, knocking the knife away. Dean gasped and sank to the floor, clutching his arm. "I giveth, and I can taketh away. Not so powerful now, are you, Dean?"

"What did you do to him, Lucifer?!" Hope shouted as she ran to their father.

"I took the mark away. Now he's just a simple, ordinary demon. One I can smite even quicker."

"No! Please! Don't!" she cried. "Please, don't..."

"And why not?"

"Because, we love him! Because your vessel loves him!"

"She loved him. Now, she loves only me. See, I knew I would need an additional in with her. So, I had Raeburn plant a seed within her, a code word, if you will, that would flip a switch in her brain. Now, she's as loyal as a lamb. And I'm so enjoying leading her to the slaughter."

Gabriel swallowed hard and stepped forward. "Lucifer, brother, please. Don't do this."

Lucifer smiled coldly. "My dear brother. Look at you now. Is it not enough our sister beds a demon? No, of course not. You have to screw the mother of monsters. You should be ashamed of yourself. I see all of Ryan's memories. All of them. I can truthfully say I'm ashamed of you."

Gabriel sneered. "Ashamed of me? You steal Ryan away? You lie and you cheat, and yet, you're ashamed of me?! I have borrowed her vessel, yes, but I never violated her mind this way."

Lucifer began acting lewd, rubbing Ryan's hands all over her body. "This body? This mind? Please spare me, Gabriel. You were within her as she and Dean had sex. I know you watched. You always were a pervert."

Gabriel snorted. " For your information, I _didn't _watch, you sick fuck. Besides, you have no idea the bond Ryan and I have."

Lucifer smirked. "Oh, I know. I'm in her head, remember? And she did so love you, Gabriel. She truly did. I honestly believe she would have forgiven you anything. But not now. Now, she's all mine. She's not even fighting me. I'm almost disappointed. At least with Sam I could hear him screaming to be let out, but not her. It's as if she's given up. Oh, there is a small part of the Ryan you all knew still trapped in here..."

"There is?!" Jon asked hopefully.

Lucifer's eyes narrowed as he took in the younger man. "You," he spat. "I should just kill you on principle."

"Why? For being the boy king without needing you?" Jon asked aloofly.

The devil's face hardened as he closed his hand into a fist and they heard Jon start choking. "Not so strong now, are you? See, your power came from dear old Daddy's mark. I took the mark away, it takes some of your powers away."

"Lucifer," Gabriel pleaded. "Please stop. Please, don't hurt him."

The devil's eyes switched back to Gabe. "Stop? Don't hurt him? Why? Do you love him, too?"

"He is my brother."

"No, I AM YOUR BROTHER, Gabriel! You never loved me this way!"

"Is that what this is about?"

"You fell, and yet, you never came to me! You never came to see me! You never..."

"I couldn't, Lucifer. I had my own job to do. I didn't fall, I was sent away."

"Why?"

"For this," Gabriel stated as he gestured around the room at his not-so-human family. "I was supposed to create The Righteous Man's family..."

"And look at it now, brother mine. You've done a spectacular job."

Gabriel glanced around. Dean was pinned to the floor, Jon was against a wall, Hope was sobbing, Cas was standing there, unsure of what to do, and Ryan...Ryan was being possessed by Satan. He swallowed. "I screwed up."

"Well, give the angel a medal," Lucifer crowed. "I'd say you did at that."

Gabriel cast a glance at Jon, who was looking at him with that hero worship, like he'd done their whole lives. From the first time Jon had first started focusing on seeing people through his infant eyes, he'd looked up to Gabriel. They'd gotten into trouble together, they'd almost gotten killed together. They hunted together, he'd been Jon's wingman as the boy learned the Winchester art of seduction...Jonathan was his true brother. He hadn't really understood what that connection meant. Even when Sam beat the devil, the first time around, reading about it over Ryan's shoulder, so to speak, Gabriel hadn't realized what a connection brothers could have, not until he had one of his own.

And that's when he knew, he had to be the one to go back and fix this. He loved Jon with a love he hadn't realized he was capable of, but Jon couldn't fix this. Gabriel had to. This was his screw up. Had he known, he wouldn't have taken this vessel. He would have stayed an adult, so he could have fixed this in the beginning...but he couldn't change it and he couldn't feel sorry for himself. Ryan had made a great home for him in this body, and he loved her for it. He helped complete the prophecy. For once in his long life, he'd managed to do something important. Something good. And now? Well, hell, now he was going to do something even better.

He glared at Lucifer. "You think you have all the answers, don't you? You think you know it all. You think you've planned everything down to the last minute detail, don't you?"

Lucifer's smile was glacial. "Brother, my plan is fool proof."

Gabriel chuckled. "Yeah, I kinda thought that. See, Lucifer, you forgot one minor detail."

"What's that?"

"I was raised by that woman you're riding. And she taught me how to be a Winchester. And Winchesters? We don't sit idly by and let people fuck us over."

"And what are you going to do about it?"

Gabriel cast a glance at his family once more. He would be leaving them, but not really. He was going to fix this, even if it killed him. "I'm going to fuck you over, first."

The devil roared and attacked just as Gabriel blasted himself back through time.

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**AN2: So...ya'll still with me? I'm already 5 chapters ahead of this. It ain't over yet, people. And yes, this has been building from almost the beginning of me writing it. It's changed a bit from my original storyline, but I like this one sooooo much better! See you next week! **


	37. Ramble On

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own SPN. But do I wish I owned Dean... *sigh***

**AN: SO! Who liked last night's episode? *raises hand* I won't give away any spoilers, but it was everything I wanted and more. Personally, I loved it. I can't wait for the finale! Ack! **

**Anyway, thank you all SO much for the love last chapter! I'm so glad everyone was pleased with where the story was going. Now, let's see where Gabriel ended up, shall we? **

* * *

**Gabriel POV **

Gabe came to on a dirt road and gasped as he felt the gash on the back of his head. "Fuck," he muttered as sat up. Blood poured out of his nose. "Well, that was a rougher landing than I anticipated," he murmured. He honestly hadn't been sure this would work, but, hey, it was better than being slaughtered by his brother riding around in his mom's vessel, right? He blinked. "Where the hell am I?"

Just then, he heard a scream and glass breaking pierce the night. He was up in an instant, his hunter's senses tingling. He patted his pockets as he ran, looking desperately for his angel blade. That was when he remembered...he'd sat it down to pick up the bottle of booze. "Fucking hell," he growled as he ran. Well, at least he had some semblance of mojo, if he wasn't too exhausted to use it. It could buy him some time, assuming he knew what he was dealing with. He sent up a prayer of thanks for his mom and Uncle Sam, as well as Dean teaching him how to fight hand-to-hand.

He ran until the house came into view and he stopped dead. "Son of a bitch!" he murmured. "I did it." He stared up at the house he barely remembered. Ryan's house. He was back in 2014. June, 2014, if he wasn't mistaken. "Holy fucking shit, I did it."

The euphoria didn't last long as he felt the bone-deep weariness of his trip drag him down. He felt hungover, a sensation he hadn't felt often thanks to his angel grace. He glanced around as he walked toward the porch. He had a little time, which was good, because he was exhausted.

He knocked on the door and waited as he heard Ryan coming down the stairs. Hope wasn't with her, he noticed, judging by the sound of footfalls on the stairs. Well, good. That might make it easier. She opened the door and he wasn't surprised to find a shotgun aimed at him. He smiled despite himself and she gasped. "Dean?"

_Shit. _He'd forgotten how much he looked like his dad as a teenager. Jon looked the most like Dean, but there was no denying his vessel definitely had his father's smirking mouth and the shape of his nose and his crinkly eyes when he smiled. And he couldn't help but smile. "No, I'm not."

Her eyes narrowed. "Christo."

His smile grew. "Wrong direction, babe. Angel, not demon."

A small smile played on her lips as she said, "You know, someone once said that very thing to me."

"Yeah?"

She eyed him warily, even with the smile still on her face. "What's your name, boy?"

He just looked at her a moment. This, this was his mother. All five feet, seven inches, one hundred, twenty two pounds of her. Sure, she had a red nose and tear tracks down her face, but it was her. She looked gorgeous in a Led Zepplin tee shirt and a pair of holey jeans, bare feet with purple painted toenails...He blinked. This was his mom. She was pregnant with Jon, probably had only found out a few weeks before. She was...what? Three months? She wasn't even showing yet. "Gabriel," he managed. "They call me Gabriel."

Her smile grew to a blazing thousand megawatts as she murmured, "Yeah, they do." She dropped the gun and all but flew into his arms as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Gabriel I've been worried sick about you! You don't just bounce and not tell me where you're going! You lived _in_ me, Gabe! Don't you ever go off and do that again!"

He held her close for a moment longer than necessary as she railed. It was like coming home, being in his mother's arms, even being fussed at was the norm and he drank her in. She smelled just like he remembered, before Dean came back into their lives...she smelled like honeysuckle and sugar, no doubt because she'd baked pies for the cafe for the next day, without a shred of hellfire or brimstone surrounding her. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, like a rainbow after a hurricane. He relished this hug and she didn't seem inclined to let him go, either. He could easily count the thousands of times she'd hugged him, actually, it was closer to a million, but none of this hit him quite as much as this one did. "Mom," he managed before he could stop himself.

He felt her stiffen and wished he could take it back, but she pulled away and appraised him. "Bobby. Robert Gabriel Winchester."

He smirked. "Surprise?"

She shook her head. "I don't know why I'm shocked. Hope's an angel, too, isn't she? You've known all along."

He nodded. "Yeah. But that's not why I'm here..."

She took in a stuttering breath. "Dean," she managed. "You're here because of Dean."

"Yes. And we need to move. Call Jody, have her watch me, well, the baby me. We need to hit the road..." He stormed past her and glanced up at Hope, who had snuck about halfway down the stairs. The kid was still in her penguin pajamas. He remembered those, oddly enough. "Hey, sis."

The girl's brows furrowed a moment before she asked, "Gabriel?" then, "Gabriel!" and flung herself into his arms as well.

He picked her up and swung her around. "It's weird. You used to do this to me, you know."

"I still do, smarty pants," she giggled as he sat her down.

Ryan glared at the pair of them. "You knew, Hope?"

"Yes?" the girl stated softly.

Ryan smiled and shook her head. "So, I need to go with Gabriel, I guess, sweetheart, so we can save Dad."

"YES! I knew you 'd find a way to save him, Gabe!"

He winced. "Yeah, well..."

"What?" Ryan's tone held nothing short of wariness.

"It's not quite all that simple. Yes, I'm pretty sure we can save him, but if we can't..."

"If we can't, what, Gabriel?"

Gabe swallowed hard. He'd given this a lot of thought. "Mom, Ryan, I'm going to need you to back me on this, because Sam will hate me forever..."

"Robert Gabriel Winchester..." she warned.

He blew out a breath. "If we can't fix him, we will have no choice but to kill him."

Ryan blinked. "Gabriel, baby, he's already dead."

"No. He's not. He's got The Mark..."

Ryan nodded. "The Mark of Cain. I saw it. I didn't like the fact he was wearing it, but..."

"When he took that mark, it began changing him."

"I noticed," she all but whispered.

"You saw it, didn't you? How he was changing?" He needed to know as much as he could. Lucifer put this mark on Cain in the first place. Sure, it was transferred to Dean, and Gabriel still didn't understand how that worked. He needed more information. He wondered if he was going to have to go down to Hell and find out directly from the source...

She nodded. "He wasn't as quick to smile, depressed, angry...at times, it was like he was a junkie needing a fix..."

"Exactly. That's what he was. He'd gotten a taste of the power and it began changing him."

"Changing him into what?" Ryan breathed.

He didn't want to say it, but he had to drive the point home... "A demon."

Ryan gasped and Hope cried, "No!"

He hung his head. "I didn't know...if I had known...this wasn't supposed to happen..."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Wait. If you're Bobby...what happens in the future that you come back now?"

He blew out a breath. "I screwed up, so bad, Mom."

Her brows quirked and before he realized it, he was where he needed to be; in his mom's arms again, accepting comfort only she could give. He couldn't help the sobs that started. "I'm so sorry," he kept repeating as he imagined all the horrible things that had happened over the past year. Her being dragged off by hellhounds, the torture she underwent...he and Jon had never told Dean what they'd found out, all the many ways Anseth had abused her, broken her, so completely...Raeburn's tortures had been a drop in the bucket by comparison. Jon had vomited just relaying part of the story to him, causing him to read Jon's thoughts to hear everything the demon had done to their mother. Then, at the end, when she was demonized and broken beyond repair, Lucifer taking her over, using and abusing her just as badly, just in a different way...

She continued to rub his back and whisper soothing words to him until finally, he calmed down. "Sorry."

She pulled away and looked him in the eye, wiping a few tears from his face. "Was it that bad, sweetheart?"

"Worse," he managed through a tear roughened voice.

"What could have caused this sadness in you, baby? You told me not to tell Dean, so, I'm sure I didn't. If you're reacting this way..." She swallowed hard as the realization dawned. "It was me, wasn't it? Somehow, I did this? Whatever it is that caused this haunted look in your eyes."

He couldn't lie to her. He'd tried, in the past, but he'd never managed it. So, he nodded. "But it wasn't just you."

"I became a monster..."

It was his turn to look confused. "How did you...?"

"I've always known," she murmured. "Since...since Raeburn, I've felt it, like a dark spot in me...I've tried to avoid it, and you made it better. But I can feel it, growing."

"You're right. And there's a reason." His eyes went to her midsection. "Well, two reasons, actually."

Her hand went to her still-flat stomach. "It's him, isn't it? He's...is he...?"

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah, he is. But it's okay!" he added quickly at her terrified expression. "He's so awesome, my little brother. He's kind of nerdy, but he's good, you know? Like, even though he's a half-demon, he's good, probably better than I've ever thought about being and..." he trailed of as he saw her smile. "What?"

She shook her head. "You love him."

"Of course. He's my brother. That's what Winchesters do. We look after our pain in the ass little brothers."

Her lip quirked. "Just like your father." She paused. "Gabriel. My son is Gabriel. The archangel. My daughter is an angel. My other son is a cambion." She blinked. "How in the hell did my life get so weird?"

He shrugged. "Blame me. Everyone usually does."

At that, she chuckled under her breath. "What about Hope?"

He opened his mouth, but then snapped it shut. Hope was in for a wild ride. He'd have to see if he could change some of the problems Hope had growing up. "Sorry. Spoilers."

"Hey!" Hope cried indignantly from where she had sat once again on the steps.

Gabriel jumped as his mom's clock began chiming "Unchained Melody" and he glanced at it. "Crap. We've gotta move. Get Jody up here. I'm too weak to use angel air. We're going to have to drive."

"To where?"

"The Bunker."

"We're going to the bunker?" Hope all but shouted.

"Shhh!" Ryan warned. "Bobby's still asleep. Let's let sleeping monsters lie, okay?" She glanced at Gabriel. "You know, I'm not surprised, but I'm going to have a hell of a time wrapping my head around this anyway."

"Welcome to living with an angel, kiddo."

She smirked. "Pretty sure you're the kiddo, kiddo. How old are you in this vessel?"

"Twenty."

She blinked. "Wow. What the hell happened to the past seventeen of your years?"

"Oh, the first nineteen were great. They could have been better, but they weren't bad. It's just the last year..."

"I can't know, can I?"

"Oh, you're going to know. You and Dad both, once he's up and about..."

"You want me to tell him?!" she practically shouted.

He nodded. "I was wrong. Dead wrong. I mean, we need Jon, so he's going to have to be born part demon, but the rest..."

"John? We named him after your grandfather?"

"No. Jonathan."

Her brows furrowed. "I always liked that name. I'd thought of naming you that, but Robert after Bobby was better." She side eyed him. "When do we start calling you Gabriel?"

"About the time I get my juice back. It just kind of happens. Don't worry about it. I still love and respect Bobby Singer because you and Dad and Uncle Sam did."

"Sam...he's going to have kittens when he realizes who you are. Dean too, for that matter. Of course, he probably won't speak to me again..."

Gabriel put his hand on her arm. "Mom, listen, all this shit...it's on me, okay? He can't blame you for following orders. Hell, he was always the good little soldier. You were just doing as I'd asked."

"I don't know if your father will see it that way..." She turned to Hope and said, "I guess I'll see if Aunt Jody can watch you two while I go help straighten this mess out..."

Hope's lip lowered in a Winchester pout and Gabriel had to resist the urge to smile. That pout never worked on their mother. Dad? Yeah, he was a pushover. But nope, not Ryan Fawcett Winchester. So he spoke up quickly. "No, I need Hope to come with us."

"Yes! Road trip!" Hope all but shouted as she dashed up the stairs, presumably to pack her bags and get dressed.

He watched her go and then turned back to Ryan, who was studying him. "What?"

"Why do we need Hope?"

"She's an angel. I need an angel."

"You're an angel, sugar. And since she isn't Raphael, Michael, or Lucifer, you're stronger than her."

He winced. "I am, but my vessel is tainted."

"Tainted? By what?"

He sighed. He hadn't wanted to tell her this way, but...he descended his fangs and her eyes grew wide.

"What...Gabriel?"

He rescinded them and shrugged. "The vampire blood gave me some perks, but at a cost. It dampened some of my angel grace, being in a tainted vessel, and it also means we can't use my blood. I'm part vampire." He grinned. "Makes it a hell of a lot easier to hunt the sons of bitches, but not for curing a demon..."

She shivered as she rubbed her arms. "Demon...Dean will become a demon..."

He grabbed her hand. "We'll fix it, Mom. I swear."

She sucked in a breath, snagged her phone from her back pocket, punched a few buttons on the touch screen and when Jody answered, Ryan said, "Jody...I need your help. Can you help me out? I need someone to watch Bobby." She paused. "I...I need to tell you in person." Another pause. "Yeah, I'm alright. I just...can you come? Now? Please?" Her hand moved to her stomach unbidden it seemed as she murmured, "Yeah, the baby's okay. Thanks, Jody. See you in a few..."

She hung up and glanced at him again. "So...now what?"

"Pack your bags."

"How long are we going to be gone?"

"A few days, tops."

She swallowed hard. "Gabriel...will we save him?"

"I'll do whatever it takes, Mom. You know I always do."

She went to walk past him up the stairs when she stopped and grasped his arm. "Your father would be proud of you."

"Dean?"

She smiled softly and shook her head. "The other one."

His brow furrowed as he watched her walk up the stairs to pack her bags. Would his heavenly Father be proud of him? He wasn't so sure. But he was man enough to admit he needed to fix this. And if he fixed it, maybe then, he could be redeemed.

It took only fifteen minutes for Jody to arrive. By then, both Hope and Ryan had their bags packed and were sitting on ready. At Jody's raised eyebrow, Ryan shook her head. "Don't ask."

"Don't tell me 'don't ask' Ryan Fawcett! What's going on? What's happening?" Jody demanded as soon as she breached the door and grabbed Ryan for a hug. "Who's this?"

Gabriel grinned. "I'm Gabriel."

"The angel?"

He briefly contemplated coming back with a smart ass retort, but seeing the stern look on her face, and remembering the pain of trying to sit down after his aunt Jody spanked him for one transgression or another, he simply nodded. "One in the same."

"'Bout time you showed up. You going to straighten her out now? Tell her she needs to tell Dean the truth? They need to be together? You going to tell her they're soul mates?"

He blinked. "How did you know they're soul mates?"

"We're soul mates?!" Ryan exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, I'll tell you more about that in a minute." He turned to Jody. "You're...you're very perceptive, aren't you?"

Jody's eyes narrowed. "I may not be the smartest person on the planet, nor the most religious, but when an angel declares you to be with someone? It kind of sounds like soul mate material to me."

Gabriel chuckled. He'd forgotten what a spitfire his Aunt Jody was. "Yeah, you're not wrong. But there's a whole lot more at play here, too. Prophecies, fate..."

"Fate? Isn't she mad at the Winchesters?" Ryan wanted to know.

Gabriel shook his head. "She's a lot of things. She's temperamental."

"Tell me about it," Hope muttered under her breath. She blinked as she realized everyone was staring at her. "Sorry, but she is."

Ryan shook her head as Jody questioned, "Do I want to know?"

Ryan shook her head then blew out a breath. "Jody, it's Dean..."

"He's...is he...?"

"He's not dead," Ryan told her wearily. "Or...maybe he is? I don't quite know. But he's going to wake up as a demon if we don't stop him."

At Jody's wide eyed look, Gabriel nodded. "And if we don't get to Lebanon, Kansas, and fix it, Crowley's going to take him off and he's eventually going to become the King of Hell."

Hope gasped as she put a hand up to cover her mouth as Ryan breathed, "No."

He nodded. "It's not that bad, but it gets worse when he hooks back up with you, Mom."

"Ryan hooks up with a demon? Not possible," Jody stated.

He smirked. "He's Dean, Jody. They can't not be together. They try, but then, eventually, they see one another..."

"And I can't stay away," Ryan finished.

They were all silent a moment as Jody looked Gabriel up and down. "Okay, so, you're an angel. But you're more, right?" Her eyes narrowed as she turned to Ryan. "He's a Winchester, isn't he?"

Ryan smiled. "Jody, this is Robert Gabriel. My son."

"You mean…"

Ryan nodded. "Bobby IS Gabriel. He came back from the future to fix things. Dean died tonight. He was killed. And when he wakes, he wakes as a demon."

"How?"

Ryan's brows knit. "I don't quite get it, but I'm assuming it has to do with the mark on his arm…"

Gabriel nodded. "It's The Mark of Cain."

"The bible thing?"

Gabe snorted. "Yeah. It didn't come from Heaven, though. Lucifer put that mark on Cain. Basically, Cain took a deal and sold his soul to Satan. Sound familiar?"

"Eerily," Ryan deadpanned.

Gabe nodded. "Exactly. Anyway, shit got real, I guess. Dad took The Mark but it won't let go. It'll twist his soul unless we get there and fix it."

"How?"

That, he wasn't so sure about.

"Gabriel's also a vampire," Hope threw out into the uncomfortable silence.

Jody stopped. "What?"

Gabriel winced. "Well, we don't have time for that, Jody. Sorry. We'll fill you in later. We need to hit the road. They're traveling from Muncie, Indiana. It'll take twelve hours for them to get to the bunker. If we leave now, we should beat them there."

"How are we going to get in? What are we going to do when we get there?"

Gabriel shrugged. "We're Winchesters. We think on our feet. But as for getting in…well, all we need is a little blood."

"Blood?"

"Blood Magick. It's something we found by accident. You don't need a key when you've got Journaler's blood in you."

"Journaler?"

"We changed the name from Men of Letters when more women began joining its ranks. Of course, it's still referred to as the Men of Letters. Charlie just got pissed and wanted the name changed." His heart ached as he remembered his aunt's death. Charlie had always been so cool. Of course, she was still alive, wasn't she? She was in Oz, with Dorothy. "We've got a network of hunters now, or, then, or we will? Hell. Now I'm confused." His head was still hurting and he was bordering on exhausted. The flight back through time had really taxed him. He knew, no matter what, he probably couldn't make it back to the future. He was stuck. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Ryan chuckled and laid her hand on his arm. "It's okay, Gabriel. We'll get it figured out. Let's hit the road. You look like you need to rest."

His heart warmed as his hand covered hers. "I know we will. You're my mom. I trust you." He glanced up as Hope reappeared with an additional backpack. "What's in the bag, kid?"

"It's a long ride. I'm a child. I need to keep myself entertained."

He smirked. "Sounds good. Come on. Let's go get my baby…"

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Your baby?"

He nodded. "You gave me Demon to drive."

"You didn't take the Impala?"

He paused. He wasn't sure what to tell them about Ben. That would work itself out, wouldn't it? Finally he settled on, "No, uh, it has a better home."

"It's mine?" Hope asked with glee.

He shook his head. "Nah. You get a better ride."

"Than Demon or the Impala? Impossible!"

He just shook his head and patted her shoulder. He really liked her Ford Galaxy, and it turned out to be an excellent car for her. She had even named the powder blue metal lady Angel. Ben had really done her a solid. He'd loved watching his two older siblings work on the car. He'd even helped a time or two. "Trust me, kid. The beast you end up driving is awesome."

"Cool," she muttered as she ran ahead of them to the car.

He ran his hand up from the trunk to the roof of the car. "Oh, Demon, you evil bitch, you're beautiful."

Ryan laughed out loud. "Yep, I might not believe you're mine, but you're definitely Dean's."

He smiled at that. "Yeah, well, it's a lot to take in. And trust me, it's gonna be a hell of a lot more for Dad to swallow once we cure him."

She sobered. "What are we doing?"

"Fixing shit. Now, get in the car. I'm driving."

Her eyebrow rose. "How old are you again?"

"Twenty. And I've been driving this car since I was fourteen and had a kick ass fake ID. Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"Look, sweetheart, no offense, but I don't let anyone drive my car. If you really are mine, and you really have driven it before, you also know that I really don't often share my car. Now, I may have willingly handed over the keys when you got old enough to hunt, but for now, I'm driving. Besides, you're exhausted, and if what I've picked up is the fact you and your brother and your sister are part of a prophecy, then I guess we need to get there in one piece, right?"

He grinned. Man, he loved his mom to pieces. To see her now, whole, no evil corrupting her, or just barely, in any case, it made him all but giddy. "Yes, ma'am," he muttered as he slid into the passenger seat.

Ryan smirked as she dropped her bag in the backseat with Hope, slid into the driver's seat, and cranked the engine. "Hang on."

* * *

The six hour drive gave Gabriel plenty of time to tell his tale. Well, most of it. From prophecies to future events, though, he still didn't tell his mother about Lucifer. That would come. When she probed him about what caused him to come back, he clammed up and after giving Ryan directions to The Bunker, claimed to need a rest. He really did need to recharge his batteries. He wasn't omnipotent, after all. He fell asleep to the quiet as Ryan thought, with nothing but the sounds of the road and The Eagles playing softly in the cassette deck. Hope had dozed off almost as soon as they left. Angel or no, her vessel was still a child.

He was shaken gently awake and looked around owlishly a moment before he saw the entrance. "Cool. We're here..."

"Yeah. We are. I never really thought I'd see it," Ryan stated as she stood and looked at the bunker door.

Gabriel grinned as he stood and stretched. Sleeping in the car wasn't fun, no matter what, and his six foot tall frame needed to stretch out. The Falcon didn't have nearly as much leg room as the Impala, not that it made him love her any less, but fact was fact. "Yeah, well, you work out of it from now on, basically."

"How can I? I live in South Dakota."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "Please. Like Dad's gonna let you out of his sight now?"

She sighed. "Gabriel, your dad and I…we aren't together," she told him softly.

He shot her a look over the roof of the car. "Are you shitting me? I've spent the last couple of hours talking myself hoarse telling you everything that happens and you don't believe me?"

She shook her head. "I believe it happened, Gabe. Too many things you've said make sense. But now? How can it? Dean will hate me for lying to him. I'm sure he'll want a relationship with you kids, but me…?" She shook her head again and sighed as she reached into the backseat and touched Hope's knee. "Hopey? Come on, baby. We're here."

Hope jerked awake and Gabriel grinned as he saw her eyes flash blue, just for an instant. Ryan must not have noticed, but he knew. Her angel's grace was flaring, like a candle flame that got additional oxygen, it was dancing, building, and it was beautiful, he had to admit, even if she was his sister.

"Okay, genius," Ryan snarked as she walked to the door. "How do we get in?"

Gabe grinned as he came forward. "Knife?" He hated not having any weapons on him, but he knew Ryan would.

Her eyebrow shot up, but she removed her silver knife from her holster on her side and warily handed it to him.

He smiled as he pricked his finger and smeared the blood on the door. It unlocked and swung open for them.

"Holy shit," Ryan muttered under her breath.

"It works with Hope's blood as well as yours, too," he told them.

"I'm not a Winchester," Ryan stated.

_You will be. Don't think I won't have a discussion with Dad on how he should marry you as soon as possible. _"You have Dad's blood in you, from the transfusion." She gasped again and he smirked. "Yeah. I know about that. He saved your life a few times that day, didn't he?"

She just nodded mutely.

"Come on, let's get our gear, then you need to call Sam."

"Me?"

He shot her a look. "I can't believe you believed me when I showed up at your door. Do you really think he's gonna believe me over the phone?"

"Good point," she muttered as she walked back to the car and grabbed her bag from the backseat where Hope had been using it as a makeshift pillow. They walked into the bunker and down the steps. "Wow…" Ryan murmured again. "It's glorious."

Gabe smiled as he remembered all the times he and Jon studied there. Andrea had tutored them from his kindergarten year on up. They learned how to do math and read and learned magic spells right at these tables.

Ryan looked at him and smiled. "You know this place."

"This…this is home, Mom. Here and our house, the house I grew up in, they're where I call home."

"This is so weird," she commented as she ran a finger over a dirty highball glass sitting on the table next to a bottle of whiskey.

He snorted. "You're telling me."

"So, what do we do now?" Hope piped up.

Gabriel winced. He actually wasn't sure. "Hell if I know," he replied.

Ryan chuckled. "Just like your father, aren't you?" At his furrowed brow, she continued, "Running headlong into something you have no idea about."

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, uh, that's kind of why that darkness in you has grown in the first place. Dad has no self control." He smirked. "Well, neither do you, for that matter."

She rolled her eyes. "I still don't see how in the hell I manage to keep an ongoing relationship with a demon, Dean or not."

He glared at her. "Are you serious? Do you not realize the two of you would move Heaven and Hell to be together?"

It was her turn to blush. "I don't know about that…"

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Mom…I've seen it. The two of you? You're like…it's unlike anything I've ever seen. You're soul mates. True soul mates. Not many people can say that. It bonds you together and being Dad's soul mate, when his soul is a demon, isn't good for you, but you can't help yourself. You can't stay away from him. You manage to, for six years, but as soon as you see him topside, it's all over. And for ten wonderful years, you're the happiest I've ever seen you, even with the demon crap."

"I want to know more about this 'demon crap' but I just can't imagine me not having more self control."

At that, he chuckled. "Not that I want to discuss it, but you have _no _self control when it comes to Dad. But, then, neither does he, so it balances out, I guess."

She cleared her throat. "I guess I'll call Sam now…"

Gabriel nodded. "Do. Hope and I will gather the ingredients for the spell." At her worried look, he squeezed her hand. "You'll figure out what you need to say to Sam. It'll all work out."

"Will it?"

He looked into her now tear-filled eyes. "I promise, Mom. We'll fix it. We're Winchesters. That's what we do."

She sucked in a breath and nodded. "Okay."

He watched her walked back up the stairs to have a little privacy and he turned to Hope, who was watching him curiously. "So…what's the deal?" she wanted to know.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out paper he had torn out of the Heavenly book. He didn't know if he'd need it, but it hadn't hurt to pinch it while he was in Heaven one of the few times he was allowed to visit in this new vessel. "We'll need this."

She took it from him and unfolded it, scanning it quickly. Her eyes grew wide and she gasped before she looked back up at him. She blew out a breath and he realized it was a lot for her little ten year old vessel to fathom. "Okay then."

"What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just…I wasn't expecting to do this."

"What, Hope?"

"I didn't realize I was going to be the one to cure Dad."

"I'm sorry," he stated, and he truly was. This was one thing he literally couldn't do. "I think it will work better with familial blood, rather than Castiel's. Also, since you're a virtue, instead of just a worker angel, for lack of a better word, it will work better, faster, without the nasty side effects."

"Wh-what side effects?" she questioned.

"Death."

Her eyes grew. "What!?" she shouted.

He winced. "To cure a demon with angel blood, you cleanse their souls. And to cleanse their souls, usually, you do it so their vessel dies and they are able to go to heaven. It's how this thing works. I think since Dad isn't a full blow demon yet, we can salvage his vessel and his soul."

"You think?! You THINK! What the actual heck, Gabriel?"

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger, Hope!" he shouted back at him. They glared at one another and he grinned. "You really are my pain in the ass angel sister, aren't you?" Her eyes flashed blue again and he smirked. "I love you, Hope. I don't think I tell you often enough. I'm sorry."

She sighed and sounded like a petulant child as she did so. "I don't know you, but I feel sure I love you too, jerk."

He grinned. The name calling had continued to the second generation. It was a Winchester trait. "Ass."

She hugged him. "We'll fix this, won't we?"

"We have to," he replied. He glanced at the door after Ryan. "Do you mind...?"

Hope shook her head. "Go. Be there for her. I'll get this together."

"Thanks, Hopey."

She nodded and he walked up the steps. He opened the door and saw her leaning against the car. He watched as she sucked in a breath and punched a few buttons into her phone. "S-Sam? It's Ryan. I know about Dean, okay? And, as crazy as it sounds, I've got a solution. I can fix him."

She paused, then said, "How? I've got an angel in my back pocket." Pause. "No, this is legit. I swear. You know how I have these kids and they're Dean's? There's a reason. And his name is Gabriel."

Even standing five feet away, Gabriel could hear Sam's shout of indignation over the phone and he saw his mother's shoulder's slump. "Listen, Sam, believe me, don't believe me, but Gabriel can fix Dean." She sucked in a breath. "How do I know? Because, I just do, okay?" She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Lucifer didn't kill Gabriel. He...he was with me for a little while."

Gabriel saw her pull her ponytail holder from her hair and shake it out. "With me. In me. He possessed me, okay?" She tugged on her hair a little. "Yes, Sam. I'm of Loki's lineage. I'm one of his vessels." She laughed flatly. "I know. Crazy, right?"

Sam must have went on a long monologue for a few moments because finally, she said, "Sam, I know you don't know me from Adam's house cat, but I swear, I only want what's best for Dean..." She let out a sob. "I know, Sam. If I had known sooner...it's that thing on his arm. It's...he's not good, not like he was. But he can be. I swear it. He has to be."

Gabriel longed to go to his mother as he saw her wrap her arm around her waist as she began to cry. "I love him, Sam. I've always loved him. I've stayed away because an angel of the lord made me promise to stay away. But that's over now. If...if he doesn't want me, when he wakes up, that's fine. But I swear, I'll do whatever it takes to bring your brother back to life. I can't imagine living in a world where Dean Winchester doesn't. You don't know me, but you have to hear that I'm telling the truth..."

She continued to sob softly until she sucked in a breath. "Come home, Sam. I'll help you look after him, get him back on his feet. As soon as the ritual, whatever it is, is done, if you want me to, I'll leave. Dean never has to know..." She paused as Sam interrupted her. "Of course that's not what I want. I want him, Sam, but if that's not in the cards..." she smiled at something he said. "Yeah, well, he's your asshole brother." She sobered. "I swear, Sam. No matter what I have to do, I'll get your brother back to you. Do you believe me?" She sucked in another stuttering breath. "Okay then. Come to The Bunker. We're waiting."

Gabriel saw her all but toss her phone to the hood of the car, and sink onto the ground and sob. He contemplated going over to her, but sensing she needed a minute, turned, and walked back in to help Hope gather what they would need.

* * *

Gabe and Hope had just finished getting out the small bit of equipment they would need when Ryan came back down the hall, calling for them. "Kids?"

"In here!" he called from Dean's room.

Ryan walked into the room and stopped dead. "This is Dean's room."

He didn't ask how she knew. His parent's connection had never failed to amaze him. Sam had told him stories of the two times he had seen them together as humans, and even having seen it once, himself, it amazed him. It was as if they gravitated toward each other. Briefly, he wondered what Dean's life would have been like if Ryan had said 'no' to this whole prophecy thing in the first place. He could only imagine how much better it would have been, had Dean had Ryan by his side. But, it was done. He had come back to now or a reason. He would fix this the best he could.

"Yeah, this is Dad's room," he said finally.

Ryan walked around the room, her fingers trailing on the small desk, the books, the records… "It feels like him, but…not."

"It's The Mark. It's been changing him."

She nodded. "I noticed, in South Dakota."

_Didn't stop you from banging him, though, did it? _But Gabriel held in that thought. Besides, if she had said 'no' to Dean, he wouldn't be here, would he? He had to fix this so Jon could be born. "Yeah, well, it's been happening for months now."

"Why did he do it?"

That was the million dollar question. And Gabriel had the answer. "He needed an ace in the holeand Crowley fed him to Cain. Dad knew he had to shut down Abaddon and he did." The boy shivered. "That mark..." He shook his head. "He fully intended to kill Metatron with the blade that's powered by The Mark. He would have, too, had Metatron not been so damned smart and manipulative."

"What happened to Metatron? I wouldn't mind killing him personally."

Gabe smirked. He still wasn't one hundred percent pleased how Cas and Hannah handled it. Maybe he needed to go upstairs and fix that, too. But for now, he said, "Let's just say he's taken care of."

"He isn't dead?"

He shook his head. "Worse. He'll be human."

Ryan opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. "I want to kill that bastard, but right now, I don't care. I care about fixing Dean."

"I knew you would," Gabriel murmured. "What did Sam say?"

"He's…he's going with me on faith. He'll be here with Dean's…" A sob caught in her throat. "With Dean, in a little while."

He nodded in acknowledgment and looked at his sister. "Well, Hope? Is there anything else you need?"

"That Hope needs?"

"She's an angel."

"She is a child!"

"Who else are we going to get to do this, huh? It has to be an angel, and she's the only one we got."

"Mom, it's fine," Hope stated softly. "You know I'll do anything to help Dad."

Ryan put her hand under Hope's chin. "At what cost, sweetheart?"

"It won't kill me, Mom. Trust me on that."

Ryan's gaze narrowed on the girl. "Are you sure, one hundred percent positive?"

Hope nodded. "I'll be fine, Mommy."

It tore at Gabe's heart. This…this shouldn't have to happen. She was a kid for crying out loud!

"I'll be fine, Gabriel," Hope growled.

"Did you…did you read my thoughts?"

She smirked the Winchester smirk. "I don't have to have the ability to read your mind. You wear your emotions in your eyes, just like Dad does."

He couldn't hold in the grin. "Yeah, he does, doesn't he? Poor sap."

"So…what do we do now? Wait?"

He shrugged. "We need food. Dad hasn't been eating much and he'll wake up starved." _If he wakes up. _He was terrified, now. After all of this...would it be for nothing? Would his dad have to die in order to be saved from this fate?

"Gabriel?"

He shook his head and blinked a few times, clearing away the burning tears in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "So, uh, you want me to make a grocery store run?"

"Is now the time to be cooking?"

Gabriel shrugged again. "This is all uncharted territory for me, Mom. But I know we Winchesters like to eat…and I'm kinda hungry now."

She chuckled softly. "Is this your way of asking me to cook?"

He smirked shyly. He hadn't seen his mother, his _real _mother in so long...not since before she became a demon. And this…girl, woman, was her, but…not. But he didn't doubt she cooked the same. It would be nice to have a taste of home. "I wouldn't say 'no' to some of my mama's cooking."

"If you're my son, and I have no doubts you are, you'll know exactly what to get at the store. Do you need money?"

He chuckled despite himself. "Yeah, you're definitely my mother. Nah, I've got money."

"Do I want to know where you got it from?"

He thought of the douche he'd gotten money off of in the pool hall, the last time he'd played, before the world turned to shit. They didn't _have _to hustle at pool, or play poker, but damn, was it fun. But the money in his pocket, he'd snagged off a dead Croat after he'd killed him. She didn't need to know about that. So he smirked and said, "Nah, you're better off not knowing." She wrinkled her nose and he grinned. "I'll be right back."

"Don't steal!" she called after him as he walked down the hall toward the garage, causing his grin to grow. He would just snag one of the cars in the garage, since it was quite clear he wouldn't get to drive Demon yet.

* * *

He returned an hour later to find the bunker had been cleaned from top to bottom, the smell of Murphy's Oil Soap, Windex, and Mr. Clean hanging heavy in the air. He looked at Ryan, who blushed. "I clean when I'm nervous."

"I remember," he stated. "Hope, I've got two more bags, will you go get them?"

She nodded and sat down the rag she had been dusting the bookshelf with and trotted up the stairs.

He took the groceries into the kitchen and Ryan followed him. "Sam should be here soon," Ryan told him before she worried her lip with her teeth. "Gabe…if this goes south…Hope told me what she's going to have to do. Do you think…?"

"It's our only shot, Mom."

"If this doesn't work, Sam will never forgive me."

"If we don't try it, it sets the whole thing in motion again and Dad becomes the King of Hell."

Ryan's voice was soft as she asked, "Is that so bad?"

He paused, searching for the right thing to say. "Honestly? No. He does a great job of it. He takes to the authority surprisingly well. It's just when he mixes it up with you, it becomes problematic."

She blushed and he grinned. "But…Cain is still alive," she continued. "We could ask him…"

He had thought about that. If they kept Cain alive, he could take The Mark back, but, it wouldn't fulfill the prophesies, and the one about a Winchester on each plain needed to come true. It was possible Jon could become King of Hell without The Mark, but he wouldn't be nearly as powerful without it. Gabriel would have to go find Cain once they got this thing taken care of with Dean. "It has to be this way, Mom."

"Some would say Sam was born to be Lucifer's vessel," she countered.

_So were you, _he thought. But he didn't say that. The time would come for her to know she'd been marked by Lucifer, just as Sam had been. Instead, he told her, "And he was, for a time. That's the thing…free will? It's free will. It is what you make it. You're the one that constantly told us to go with our guts, do the right thing, make it work. Well, this is the right thing. I'm me, just me. I'm an angel, I'm a vampire, and I'm fixing this, for good." At her look, he continued, "Look, I'm not a normal human kid. If I was, it might make a difference. But I'm not Krissy, I'm not Ben…I'm me. And I'm meant to do this. I have to fix this. "

"Krissy? Ben?"

He winced. "Shit. I shouldn't have said that."

Her mouth twitched. "Too late, Hagrid. The secret's out now."

He grinned, shamefaced. "Ben is my half brother."

She nodded. "I'm not surprised."

He waited, and when she didn't elaborate, he blew out a breath. "Lisa dies in a car crash. You take Ben in."

Again, she didn't look shocked. "When?"

"A little while."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "You're not being very forthcoming with information, Robert Gabriel."

"Spoilers, Mom."

"Don't you River Song me, young man."

He grinned. "Fact is fact. Some stuff I don't need to tell you. Some of it, you'll have to figure it out for yourself. Besides, if I fuck the timeline, maybe it doesn't come to pass. Maybe she lives, maybe…"

"Maybe Dean goes back to her," Ryan finished softly. She let out a pained gasp as she sank onto the kitchen chair.

"Mom, you know that won't happen. That part of his life is over."

She just looked at him, hurt radiating from her. "How do you know, Gabe? How…I can't…I can't do this. I never had a shot at having Dean for my very own. You can't dangle that in front of me and give me hope that it comes to pass."

He opened his mouth to argue, but clamped it shut. Maybe this did alter it, maybe his mom and dad wouldn't end up together. Maybe they just weren't meant to be. But he refused to believe it. He'd _seen _them together. Even with his dad a demon, Ryan made Dean more human. Everyone noticed it, even Meg and Bela could tell. And it didn't make him a shitty ruler, either. He took his job as King of Hell seriously. But he became more human the longer he spent with Ryan and his children.

However, if he stayed human…Gabriel shook his head. "Look, Mom, I can't know for sure, okay? And, hell, maybe you don't _want _to get together with him. He's a dick. I love the guy, he's my dad, but I know him pretty damn well. So…that's a choice the two of you will have to make." He wouldn't say anymore about it. They had to forge their own paths in this. He couldn't sway them either way. It had to be up to them. His job was just to take The Mark off Dean and help Hope cure him. From there, it was out of his hands. He hated feeling so damned impotent, but he had to let the future unravel as it should.

They heard Hope running back down the hallway and Ryan sighed. "Let's not worry about that now. We need to keep Dean alive, first, alright?"

There were so many things he wanted to say to his mom. He loved her with every fiber of his being. He would do anything for her._ Had _done anything for her. He wasn't deluded enough to think he was really righteous enough to say he came back in time to fix his mistakes. That was part of it, it truly was, but the biggest part? He didn't want Lucifer touching her. She was _his _mom and he would go to the ends of the Earth, Hell, Heaven, Purgatory, and wherever the fuck else he could find to protect her. He didn't wish this pain on his worst enemy, on her less than anyone, but hopefully, now, it would be fixed.

He began unloading the bags of groceries and Ryan looked at his selections with a smile. "Tomato Rice Soup and grilled cheese?"

He nodded. "It's our favorite," he managed through his tears.

Her brows knit and she pulled him to her for a hug and he couldn't quite help himself as he sobbed on her shoulder. He'd been too long without her. He just…hell, he just needed his mom.

* * *

After his little bitch fit (something he admitted only to himself) they cooked their soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, despite the fact it was morning and breakfast would have been more sensible, and Ryan even put on a pie with the ingredients he had brought back. It wasn't as good as Great Grandma Fawcett's chocolate pie, but the simple canned apple with her magic ingredients to make it taste homemade, would do in a pinch.

He and Ryan were working silently, cleaning up the kitchen when they heard Hope call out, "Sam's here!"

Ryan's eyes widened as she stood and Gabriel grabbed her hand. "Mom, it'll be okay."

She sucked in a breath and blew it calmly back out. She looked a little green and he wasn't sure if it was morning sickness or nerves, but she nodded. "I know. It has to be"

They dashed through the bunker and up the steps in record time. He was almost worried about her running being pregnant, but then he realized Jon was half demon. He doubted anything could kill his brother, even as a grain of rice. Besides, he knew his mother was in excellent physical shape. She ran, usually, on the treadmill, even now, in the first stages of her pregnancy. It didn't stop him from calling out, "Mom! Slow down!" like one would to a child. She pointedly ignored him, though, which caused him to grin.

They burst out of the door in time to see Hope clinging to Sam, both of them sobbing. The tears began running down Ryan's face immediately as she walked to them, but Gabriel stayed back. Sam didn't know him, not in this vessel, not yet, and though the two of them would be close, eventually, he waited. They shared a bond not many people could understand. Once Sam had come to terms with him being both Bobby and Gabriel, and by the time he remembered all of Gabriel's memories...they'd somehow become extremely close. Sam was the one who let him know it was okay to just be himself. He accepted him despite all the things he had done to Sam and Dean in his previous vessel. Sam wasn't his father, but he was the best damn uncle anyone could ever wish for.

He saw Ryan throw her arms around Sam and they whispered quietly, but Gabriel heard them as Sam said, "Seriously, Ryan? Gabriel?"

"You don't know him like I do, Sam. I swear, he'll...he'll find a way to fix this. He loves Dean. He loves me. He loves you, too. He's your nephew. He's traveled seventeen years into the past to correct this. Does that sound like someone wanting to screw with you?"

"It hurt, Ryan, so bad, when he..."

"I know, Sam. He told me all about it. Trust me, I raked his ass over the coals for it."

Gabriel winced as he remembered the tongue lashing Ryan had given him about what he had done to Sam and Dean. Well, that was one more thing he couldn't fix. But this, he could.

And just like that, Sam was standing in front of him. "Ryan told me you can fix this."

Gabriel nodded as he looked up at his uncle. Even though this vessel was taller than his previous one, he still had to look up to Sam. "Yes, sir, I can."

"Ryan told me you're Dean's kid, from the future."

Gabe nodded again. "Yes, sir, I am."

"Ryan said you're Gabriel"

Gabe sucked in a breath. "Yes, sir, I am."

Sam's lip twitched just slightly. "Are you sure you're Dean's? Cuz he only talked like that to Dad. Don't tell me he's as big of an asshole as our father was."

Gabriel's lip twitched, too. "Nah, I was just always taught to respect my elders."

Sam's mouth fell open before he pulled Gabriel to him. "Come here, you little jerk."

That was when Gabriel's tears started anew. He had been feeling so out of place in this world but now, he really felt the acceptance as a boy. "I'll save him, Uncle Sam, I swear."

"I know you will, kid. I know."

They pulled apart and Gabriel wasn't the only one wiping his eyes. "You look just like him," Sam commented softly. "Just what I remember him looking like at your age."

Gabriel nodded. "That's what I hear."

Sam stared waywardly at the car. Ryan had ordered Hope to stay back, and the girl was standing forlornly at the bunker door. Ryan, however, had gotten into the back seat with Dean and was sobbing silently as her hands brushed over his face. She was whispering to him.

"I need to move him," Sam began. "I need to…"

"_We _do, Uncle Sammy. You and me, okay?"

Sam looked at him a moment and nodded.

* * *

It had been a long time and a vessel ago since Gabriel had seen Dean like this. Even as a demon, Dean was always so full of life. His moods fluctuated a lot, but everyone had said that was the way he used to be, he was now just a bit more mercurial.

"What do we do?" Sam asked as he finished wiping the blood off of Dean's face. He and Ryan had cleaned up Dean's body while Gabriel held Hope just outside the door. The kid would see enough. She didn't need to see this.

"First, I take The Mark away and heal his wounds," Gabriel began. "Then I turn it over to Hope."

Sam's eyebrows rose and Ryan held up a hand. "Don't ask, Sam."

"But if he's becoming a demon, can't we just use the demon curing spell from the Men of Letters?"

Gabriel nodded. "You could, yes, but this...using angel blood, works better. It's guaranteed."

Ryan nodded solemnly and looked at Sam. "You and I? We're just plain old humans. It takes some mojo, apparently, to do this right."

Sam swallowed hard and propped up against the door frame.

"Oh, one more thing," Gabriel added, "You need to paint some devil's traps. Crowley's bringing the blade here. Not that I need it, but I want him to get his grimy mitts off it."

"Crowley's coming here?"

Gabriel nodded. "If we let this continue, Crowley shows up and whisks Dad away to Hell, but not before they destroy a bunch of shit."

"Gabriel…"

His eyebrow shot up. "Don't believe me?"

Ryan looked at Sam. "He's been right so far."

Sam blew out a breath. "I'll go grab the paint."

"Gabe, will this work? Will The Mark come off that easy?" Ryan's soft voice questioned.

He nodded. It was, after all, just a curse. Granted, the first curse, but a curse, none the less. "Removing it from him will be easy," he stated with false bravado. _I hope, _he thought.

He eyed his father's body warily. He wasn't one hundred percent sure this would work, but he had to believe. He could fix this. He knew he could. He focused on The Mark and felt Lucifer's grace powering it. It would have only been stronger had Lucifer been out of his cage. He gasped as put his hand on it and it glowed red, burning him. "Son of a bitch," he growled.

"What?" Ryan asked softly.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just...give me a minute." He couldn't just remove it, not with angel grace, anyway. He summoned forth some of the dark magicks he knew, but none came to mind that would remove this mark. Sure, it would remove the physical mark, but the power itself...it needed to be transferred. "Very smart, you bastard," he muttered under his breath. It couldn't be removed. It had to be transferred. It was secondary, luckily. A transplant, or offshoot of the power, like Dean had, was powerful, yes, but not as powerful as Cain's was. Cain still had his mark. If Jon were going to have it, it would benefit them all if he had the mark from Cain himself. This one, transferred again, wouldn't be nearly as powerful. He could only hope he could remove it permanently from Dean's skin. If he could transfer it to someone, something, then get it back to Cain...Cain still had the main power, but this...this evil little offshoot of The Mark wasn't going to make life any easier. "Damn it," he growled.

"Gabriel?"

"It won't come off."

"No!" Ryan cried and Sam, having just returned with the paint, grasped her, pulling her to him in an embrace.

"What can you do?" Sam asked grimly.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at the mark marring his father's arm. "It's going to have to be transferred."

"Give it to me," Sam told him. "Let me..."

Gabriel just glared at him. "Seriously? You take the mark created by Lucifer himself? You think that's wise, Sam? You want Apocalypse 2.0?"

"I can take it," Ryan murmured. "Jon needs it anyway..."

"Jon?" Sam asked.

She put her hand to her stomach. "Uh...surprise?"

Sam's lip twitched. "Does my brother not grasp the concept of safe sex?"

"Don't blame me. This one is on Gabriel."

Gabriel sent them a bitchface before he looked back down at The Mark. "I'll have to take it."

"Gabe...an angel, take The Mark...?" Hope spoke up, her voice scared.

"I can give it back to Cain, let him have the power..."

"Is that wise?"

"I said I'll fix it, I'll fucking fix it," he told them.

"Be careful," Ryan cautioned.

He grasped Dean's right hand and concentrated on The Mark, calling it to him. He closed his eyes as he felt the power infusing into him. He heard joint gasps from Ryan and Hope and he opened his eyes to see the red flare out from the mark, toward him, Dean's veins lighting up as they traveled to Gabriel's and Gabriel felt the shift; demon, vampire, and angel warring. "Ain't that a bitch?" he murmured.

He felt his eyes go black as The Mark took hold of him only seconds before they flared angel blue and he felt the power singing inside of him. Finally, he felt all the power flowing within him and he let go of his father's hand as he fell to his knees on the floor.

"Gabriel!" Ryan called as she rushed to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Are you okay?" she put both hands on his cheeks, pulling his eyes up to hers. "Gabe, baby? Are you alright?"

He smiled tiredly. "I'm fine, Mama, I promise."

She hugged him to her. "I love you, Loki, but quit scaring the shit out of me."

He chuckled flatly. "Sorry, Mom." He turned to his sister. "Hope, if you would…I can't...I can't heal him..."

Hope nodded and sat next to their father. Gabriel watched in fascination as her eyes burned blue while white light flowed through her palms as she touched Dean's stomach, healing the wound inflicted by Metatron's angel blade. From there, her concentration flared and the light burned brightly from her as she set the task of burning the darkness from Dean's soul. Once that was completed, she slunk against her father's body.

"Hope!"

"I'm fine," she managed tiredly as Ryan pulled her to her. "Take that syringe…draw a vial full of my blood for him."

"Hope…"

"Mom! Do it quick! We've got to get it started."

Ryan nodded dumbly as she grasped the syringe and drew a vial full of Hope's blood. "Where? What do I do with it?"

"Let me," Sam said as he stepped further in the room. He took the needle and plunged it into Dean's arm, right where The Mark had been. "It's like the trials, isn't it?"

"Similar," Hope managed as she tried to sit back up. "I need to rest, but draw my blood every hour on the hour, or it won't do anybody any good. We can't lose him, Uncle Sam."

"Will you be okay?"

"I'm an angel, Sam. I just happen to be in a ten year old body."

He eyed her warily, but nodded. Gabriel wearily grabbed the can of paint and drew the devil's trap to catch Crowley on both sides of the door. Sam picked up Hope and said, "I'm going to carry her to a room so she can sleep, alright?"

Ryan nodded and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Will you be okay, Angel Face?"

Hope smiled. "I'm fine, Mom. Really."

"She'll be fine, Ryan. Now, let's let you get some rest, little girl."

"I'm not a little girl, Uncle Sammy," she managed around a huge yawn.

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, I see."

Gabriel watched them walk out as he stood guard over his mother and father. "Crowley will be here soon. Are you okay to be near him?"

Her gaze shot to his and her eyes narrowed. "I'm not some shrieking violet, Robert Gabriel. I've excised demons recently."

He nodded. "I know that." He knew all about her excising Raeburn. Her and Jody did that just a few months ago, if memory served, just before Dean popped back into her life. He hated Dean wouldn't get the chance to torture the little fucker, but that didn't mean he couldn't do it. He grinned at that.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. You're a badass, Mom. I've always known it."

She smiled and winked at him, even if her mirth didn't quite reach her eyes. "Well, you didn't think you got it from Dean, did you?"

He looked at her and laughed. "I'm so gonna tell him you said that."

She laughed, too, and hugged him. "Thank you, Gabriel, no matter what happens, from here on out, you've given all of us a chance."

"How touching," Crowley crooned from where he stood by the chair. He glanced at the devil's trap he had just avoided with a sneer. "Lucky thing I didn't land there, isn't it?"

"Crowley!" they heard Sam shout from the hallway.

Crowley flicked Sam against the wall. "Tut, tut. I don't have time for you right now, Moose."

Crowley sauntered over to Ryan. "And who might you be?" He had grasped her hand and kissed it before she could react.

"Stay away from my mother, you evil scum!" Gabriel roared as he felt the power of not only his angel grace, but also The Mark flicker to life in him. He was getting pissed. And no one would appreciate Gabriel Winchester losing his temper.

Crowley's eyebrow rose. "Well, well, well, what have we here?"

Gabe just glared at him, gauging the demon. He'd never actually met Crowley. The demon had been in Hell until he'd popped topside at Sam and Andy's wedding, and even then, he had only caught a glimpse of the former King of Hell.

Crowley moved toward Dean's beside and Ryan's eyes grew wide as she sat on the edge of the bed, grasping Dean's hand. "You stay away from him. Because of you, he's dead!"

"No, because of me, he stands a chance at life, granted, it's a different sort of life…"

"That'll be a little hard to do without this," Gabriel said as she held out his arm to show Crowley the mark that now adorned his flesh.

"No. It's impossible. It can only travel to one who is worthy…"

Gabe smiled evilly and his eyes flickered to black. In this instance, he needed the demon to come to the surface. He realized now, why he needed the bloodline of his brothers. He needed Lucifer's bloodline, Cain's bloodline, in order to take The Mark. Yet another thing coming to fruition he hadn't even realized... "Robert Gabriel Winchester, and the pleasure is all yours."

Crowley's eyes grew wide. "No…it's not possible. The prophecies were never to come to pass…"

Gabe's smile grew. "Oh, they came to pass, alright, just not how you or Lucifer or Azazel interpreted them."

"You…you wouldn't…"

He let his angel grace flare as he flicked his hand, pinning Crowley to the wall, releasing Sam as he did so. He caught Sam moving to Dean's bedside as well. Gabriel then turned his attention to Crowley as he moved closer to him. He didn't have to touch him, but he pinned him to the wall with his body as well as his powers and looked down on the man. "Now, listen up, you little worm. Let me explain something to you. See…The Mark of Cain is on my arm, It won't stay there, not for long, but when the time is right, it will be given to the one who needs it. My brother is the true boy king of Hell. And then, when the time is right, The Mark will be where it's supposed to be. See, forget about me for just a moment, Jonathan is a Winchester and a demon by birth, by blood, by spirit. When the time is right, he will be given this mark because it belongs to him. It is supposed to belong him. And this…" he reached his hand inside Crowley's coat for The First Blade. He grabbed it with his right hand and felt the power surge through him again. It didn't cause him to tremble as it had Dean, because it was never meant for his father. It was always supposed to belong to his brother. But the fact that his vessel carried Lucifer's and Cain's lineage, allowed him to embrace its power. "This doesn't belong to you. Jon owns it, just as he owns Hell. Now, you've got two choices. One, you can try to fight me on this, and I take oh so much pleasure in killing you, or two, you accept and graciously pass the crown when the time is right. What's it going to be?"

"The boy king. A Winchester. It was never Sam."

Gabriel shook his head. "No, it was never Sam. It was always meant for Jon. And he'll do it right. He'll do what Dad would want, what Uncle Sammy would want, what our Mother would want; keep the demons locked up to the best of his abilities. Uncle Cas will handle things in Heaven, and my job is to handle them in Purgatory. Now, run along, Crowley, and tell everyone we're coming." He smirked. "You tell 'em I'm coming, and hell is coming with me." He released Crowley and the crossroads demon vanished.

Gabriel flicked his eyes back to hazel before he turned to look at his mother. "Sorry. Got carried away."

She cleared her throat in an attempt not to laugh, he could tell. "Did you just quote 'Tombstone' during your little diatribe there?"

He blushed. "Hey, sue me. I'm like my dad. We dig westerns. No hate."

She held up both hands. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Sam glanced at the blade Gabe was still holding. "How do you feel?"

Gabriel's hand flexed around the handle of the blade. "I feel fine. I can feel the power, but that's it."

"No desire to murder the entire room? No eagerness to go out and kill anything?"

Gabe shrugged. "No more than usual. I'm a Winchester, after all. We like to kill things."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, I guess we do." He took in a great breath and blew it out. "So…now what?"

Truthfully, this was Jon's job. But he couldn't bring Jon back in time, and he couldn't go into the future, either. Someone had to watch Crowley. He'd never realized it was him that would have to do it. Of course, he still had to meet with Cas, still had to straighten Crowley out...but the rest..."Now, I guess I'll go downstairs, start cleaning up the mess Abaddon left. It wasn't that long ago, right?"

Sam nodded. "What about Knights of Hell?"

Gabe grinned as he thought of that. "I've got a few ideas up my sleeve. You need to go find Jesse Turner."

Sam's brow furrowed as he thought a moment before he questioned, "The cambion?"

Gabe nodded. "He's important. He helps Jon, just like you do, Uncle Sam."

"I do?"

He nodded. "Hey, boy with demon blood, ring any bells? Jon's got wicked powers that start manifesting pretty early out of the box." He grinned as another thought crossed his mind. "Mom, you might want to go ahead and call Andrea Blackwell."

"Andy? Why?"

"Jon and I will need a private tutor. Trust me. You don't want us in public school."

"But…Andy is…"

Gabriel's grin grew. "I know she is. Don't worry, it all comes out in the wash. Just, uh, try to warn them, okay?"

Her brow furrowed. "What do you know?"

"Spoilers."

She let out an exasperated breath, but then she sobered. "Gabriel, will I see you again?"

He looked at her and smiled. "I'm in South Dakota, Mom."

"That's not what I meant."

He shook his head. "It's probably for the best that I don't. Castiel can come to me once he sorts out Heaven. I'll deal with Hell."

"You're awfully young to have an empire, young man."

He chuckled at that. "Yeah, well, I'm the fill in for the Boy King, remember?"

"I do. And just what, do you think, that makes you?"

That's when it actually hit him. _Holy shit. I'm the boy king. _In that instant, it didn't matter he was millennia old. He was just barely an adult in this new world. What an adjustment that would be...

He felt his mother's hand on his arm. "You'll do fine, Gabriel. You're a wonderful young man, angel, vampire, whatever."

He smiled and hugged her tightly. "Honey, you should see me in a crown."

She rolled her eyes. "I let you watch BBC's Sherlock, too?"

He laughed, though now he was sniffing back tears. "Yeah, well, Let's just say you don't let us, as much as we sneak and watch when we're little."

"Naughty boy."

He nodded. "Yeah, I've been called worse. By you, actually."

"No doubt. You're Dean's son."

"I'll see you soon, Mom. You'll love me and I'll love you and it will be perfect, I promise."

"I don't doubt it, my sweet angel boy. You look after yourself. They don't have kitchens down in Hell, do they?"

"If they do, Gordon Ramsey is working those demon's asses off."

She laughed through her tears. "Why does this feel like goodbye?"

"It isn't, I swear. As soon as I know to come back, I'll be right back up to see you. You won't have missed a thing."

"But you will."

He shook his head. "No, I won't. I'll just be living this life for a while. I'll be fine, I swear."

"You'd better be, or I'll come down to Hell myself and look after you."

He smiled. "There she is. That's Mama Bear."

"Mama Bear?"

"It's what all of us kids call you."

"All you kids?"

He chuckled. "You're about to be very busy, Mom. Between us three, then the three you take in, plus the Men of Letters, plus, I have no doubts you'll be hunting a lot more…you'll be tired, but you'll love ever damn minute of it."

"I've loved every damn minute of being a mom."

"You were always meant to be. Everything that happens? It happens for a reason. Even this. It all fits. It all makes sense. It's all going to work out better now."

She grabbed him in another huge hug. "I love you, Gabriel."

"I love you, too, Mom. Look after Dad and Uncle Sammy, okay?"

"I'll be the third wheel."

The side of his mouth lifted. "Not if you go find Andy," he whispered in her ear.

Her eyes grew wide as she pulled back. "No…"

He nodded and put his hand on her face. "Here. You might need these..." He picked a few memories, ones that would hurt, but also help her. "I need you to see a few things, okay? Just a few flashes, things you need to know, need to realize..." He flooded her mind with the images and she gasped. He held her tightly as he forced her to sleep. She would need the rest. Her mind would sort out the rest. She swayed and he scooped her up.

"What did you do?!" Sam demanded.

"I gave her memories, things that happened from before. She needed to see." He looked down at her, asleep in his arms. Yes, he'd given her the best chance he could. "Can you direct me to a room? I need to..."

Sam nodded. "Yeah. Follow me."

Gabriel followed his uncle down the hall to a large room with an in-suite bathroom. "It's the nicest room we have. I figure it must have been for guests or something. Maybe for a woman since it has its own bathroom..."

Gabriel nodded. It was Charlie and Claire's room, when they were there, anyway. Memories of them were bittersweet as he laid Ryan on the bed and stepped back. ""Well, Uncle Sam, it's about that time."

Sam held out a hand for him and Gabe took it. "Thank you, Gabriel. You have no idea what this means to me, to us."

Gabe shrugged. "It's the right thing to do. And if The Winchesters are known for one thing, it's doing the right thing, no matter what."

"The memories...do I...can I have some of them? To help?"

Gabriel's brows furrowed. He hadn't planned on giving Sam any of the memories. It kind of seemed like it should be between him, Ryan, and Dean, but Sam had been in the middle of their relationship for so long...of course, this time around, he wouldn't be. That would be much better, for everyone. No jealousy, no kisses to screw with everything...no mixed feelings or genuine love... "Yeah." He stepped to his uncle and put a hand on his forehead. "Hang on."

He flooded Sam's mind with images and Sam blinked. "Wow..." he muttered before he sank into the chair, also asleep.

"Well, I know how to clear a room, don't I?" Gabriel murmured. He left Sam there. He wouldn't be out long, but he did need a little break. Hopefully he would wake feeling a bit more refreshed.

He walked down the hall and checked on Hope, who was sleeping. He drew her blood and went to inject Dean. He glanced down at his father. "We're going to fix this, Dad. I swear." He sat there and waited. Sure enough, Sam came back down the hall only a little time later.

"Gabriel...?"

"Just gave you a little breather, Sam."

"Those memories..."

Gabe shrugged. "You said you wanted memories. Now it's up to you to help them make it happen."

"I'll look after them both, Gabriel."

The boy stood and glared at Dean's body. "You make sure he doesn't fuck this up, Sam. He didn't play his part before, with Michael. I accepted that. This is better, it really is. I realize that. But this...she needs him. I didn't know, not until it was too late, how much she needed him."

"Soul mates. Marked by cupid. They were literally made for one another."

Gabriel nodded. "Their similarities and differences ebb and flow to make a single, whole entity. The parts she's missing, he has. And the parts he's missing, she has. They need one another. She makes him more human. He makes her whole. There will be fights...God knows there will be fights. But love, damn, there will be a ton of love, too."

"I'm sorry you won't get to see it."

Gabriel smiled. "I will. I'm three years old, Sam, or I will be, in a few weeks. I'm glad you'll be there for my birthday again. This time, it will be a lot happier. Dad will be there, too."

"You'll get to grow up with a father."

Gabriel looked at the floor a moment before he glanced back at his uncle. "I did. You were there for me, Sam. I almost hate we won't be as close as we were, but at the same time, this is much better."

"Will you keep those memories? The ones from before?"

Gabriel chuckled. "I'm an angel, Sam. I've got lifetimes worth of memories, all stored in my great big beautiful angel brain. Trust me. I'll remember it."

Sam swallowed and smiled. "Good. I'm...glad. I think."

"Hey, look at it this way; I get to do it all over again. It isn't often I get a do-over, and I've gotten it twice over the past twenty years. Not bad. Not bad at all."

"Take care of yourself, Gabriel."

It warmed his heart. "Thanks, Sam." He walked out of the room and down the hall to check on Ryan. He looked at his mother one more time, sleeping peacefully on the bed, a light blanket now covering her. He figured Sam must have done that when he woke. And just like that, he knew, Sam, Dean, and Ryan, would all look after one another. They were grown ups. They could handle this. He brushed a kiss to his mom's forehead. "Carry on," he whispered through tears as he disappeared down to hell.

"Hey! Who are you?!" a lesser demon began as he and one of his cohorts came forward.

He flicked them both aside as if they were nothing but a speck of dust. "Never mind, peasants," he told the two demons pinned to the walls. "There's a new kid in town and I'm here to handle some business." He needed to handle Hell. Then, he needed to straighten Heaven's ass out. Clearly they couldn't do this shit without him. "Archangel Gabriel, reporting for duty."


	38. Holy Water

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. But I am VERY proud of it.

AN: EPICALLY sorry I didn't post this sooner! I have SO much going on in life right now, I can barely stand still long enough to post! This one...this one is for all you wonderful people who liked where I've taken this story. Thank you so much for your words of love, encouragement, and giving me giggles! Also, we aren't done! Far from it, in fact. I honestly don't know how long the story will go on but as long as it has life in it, I'm going to write it. Now, I know you guys wanted to see Gabriel and Dean, but Dean's got his hands full at the moment. This takes place right after the last chapter. Let me know what you think!

* * *

**Dean POV**

Dean floated in darkness. He wasn't anywhere he'd ever been before. He wasn't in Heaven, he damn sure wasn't in Hell, and he certainly wasn't in Purgatory. So where the fuck was he? Voices drifted to him…three different voices. One male, two female, one of which was a child's voice. He knew them, didn't he?

"There. That's the last injection. Now what, Hope?"

"Gee, Uncle Sam, I have no idea! I'm a child! I've never done this before!"

"Hope, I know you're tired…"

"Mom, don't patronize me."

"Look, angel or not, you're still a kid. A cranky kid. God knows when you don't get enough rest…"

"Wonder who I got that from?"

The man, Sam, snorted. "Didn't get it from Dean, that's for sure. He's good to go on four hours. So I'm guessing you, Ryan?"

"Bite me, Sambo," Ryan growled tiredly.

Sam chuckled. "Hope, you're done. Go grab a bite to eat. I made some stuff."

"Can you cook?" she asked warily.

"Ha. As a matter of fact, I can make a mean pot of macaroni and cheese," he told her.

There was silence for a few moments before the child's soft voice spoke up, "Mom, I'm sorry. Do you want something to eat?" Hope's voice was timid, remorseful.

"I'm not hungry," Ryan's tired voice stated.

"Mom, you're pregnant. You need to eat."

"Hey, I thought I was the grown up here."

"I love you," the little girl whispered.

"I love you too, Angel Face. I'll be fine."

"I'm bringing you an apple at least."

Ryan chuckled. "Fine. And, well, I guess if you want to bring me some mac and cheese, I'd eat it."

"Good! Be back in a few!"

"Take your time! Don't rush your meal!" She blew out a breath.

"You need some sleep, Ryan. Dean will be here."

"I can't leave him, Sam, not yet."

"You don't have to leave him, period."

Ryan snorted. "Please. Like he's gonna want to be with me now? Hell, Sam, I've lied to him from almost square one!"

Dean felt the bed shift as she stood. She must have been sitting next to him. He could hear her footsteps across the floor as she began to pace. "I mean, really, Sam. I've lied to him about this whole thing."

"Why _did _you lie, Ryan? No offense, I mean, I'm glad as hell you and Gabe showed up when you did, I just…I don't get it, and what you explained to me on the phone wasn't enough information."

Dean listened as best he could. He felt darkness encroaching again, but he had to know what she was going to say.

"Before I got pregnant with Hope, Gabriel visited me."

"Our Gabriel? The archangel?"

"No, the stripper. Of course, the angel."

Sam chuckled flatly. "I can see why Dean's attracted to you. You're a world class smart ass."

"Bite me," she retorted again. She sucked in a breath and blew it out. "I couldn't have kids. When the demons raped and almost killed me as a child, I had to have a partial hysterectomy. Gabriel came to me when Dean and I were together in New Orleans eleven years ago. He said he could fix me, give me kids, as long as they were Dean's. He didn't say why and I didn't ask."

"And it never occurred to you it was wrong?"

"Of course it did!" she cried. "Sam, of course I knew it was wrong. I…I can't say I regret it, because I would do anything for my kids, but I hate that I've lied to him."

"So, why didn't you tell him?"

"Come on, Sam, catch a clue, would you? You know exactly why I didn't tell him. Forget the fact Gabriel told me not to, and forget the fact he doesn't love me, Dean would have never spoken to me again!"

"What makes you say that?"

"Your brother doesn't handle betrayal very well."

"Not that," Sam's voice was little more than a whisper. "Why did you say he doesn't love you?"

"He doesn't."

"How do you know?"

She laughed bitterly. "Come on, Sam, really? This is Dean Winchester we're talking about here. The only person he loves in this world is you, and maybe Castiel."

"I don't think so. I think he loves everyone. That's his problem. It's why he took the damn mark in the first place. Dean loves hard and it hurts. You think anything he's done has been just to shit on someone? You think he's a coldhearted bastard? Then why the fuck did you breed with him?"

Dean heard a noise and was fairly certain Ryan had slapped Sam's face. "Fuck you, Samuel Winchester. That's not what I meant and you know it!"

He felt the bed dip again and he felt that warm sensation on his face again, her fingertips brushing at the stubble on his chin. "I love him, Sam," she admitted, all anger gone from her voice. "I've loved your brother my whole life. At first, I thought it was some misplaced gratitude toward him for saving my life, but then, I realized, I didn't feel the same way about you. Or your dad. Then, when I saw him in college…Sam, if you had any clue as to how wonderful your brother was to me that night. Dean looked after me. It wasn't just sex, not to me, and, honestly, I don't think it was to him, either. I felt it, then. That cosmic shift. It unnerved me, because, I didn't know him, not really, and I knew he couldn't stay with me, and I knew I couldn't just run off with him and your dad." She chortled flatly. "Dude, can you imagine? John would _not _have been pleased."

She sighed. "I tried to put him out of my mind. I started hunting. I traveled all over North and South America, learning about monsters. I met Bobby Singer, and I had to almost bite my tongue off to avoid asking him too many questions about Dean. Then…then I ran into your brother in New Orleans. It was as if the stars aligned, and maybe they did. We had that hunt together, then we went back to the motel…" she chuckled. "I'll spare you the details."

"Thanks."

"No problem. But that night, or day, rather, while I slept, Gabriel came to me, gave me the choice. I could choose to be the mother of Dean Winchester's kids, or…not."

"And if you weren't?"

"He would take it away, let me forget all of it."

"And you couldn't do it?"

"I couldn't do it. He told me the child was already there, growing inside me."

"Hope."

"Hope. And so, I left him, that morning. I left and sobbed my way through four states until I stopped. I couldn't believe I'd left him. He was there, right there, in my fingertips, and I let him go, all for a kid I didn't even know. But I knew it was right. Deep down in my heart, I knew it was right. And so, I made my bed." She let out a chuckle. "Hope was born on November ninth; 'Chaos Never Dies' day. I thought it was a funny coincidence until just today."

"Why?"

"Gabriel went undercover for years as Loki, right? The Trickster?"

"Yeah. So?"

She sighed. "The God of Mischief made sure my daughter was born on 'Chaos Never Dies' day. It's…comical. So, I continued on my own. I met up with a few female hunters, none of them knew Hope was my kid. I've told everyone she was just my cousin's daughter and I was raising her. I couldn't let it get back to anyone she was Dean's. The only person that knew until recently was Bobby."

"Bobby knew?"

"Yeah. He did. I went to him when I found out Dean went to Hell. I thought…I don't know what I thought, but I went to him. He said you were working on trying to get him back."

"I never did," Sam stated sadly. "Cas got him out."

"I know. I started receiving The Winchester Gospels shortly after Hope was born."

"The books, the ones Chuck Shurley wrote?"

"No. I got the actual gospels. Things he didn't put in the books. I received them every few months until the angels fell last year. I haven't gotten one since."

"You…you're serious."

"Dead serious."

"So you knew everything that went on in our lives, but you didn't do anything?" Dean could easily hear the anger in Sam's voice. Truthfully, he was angry, too. All the times they could have used help, could have used another hunter by their sides...

"What was I supposed to do?" she cried. "Gabriel had my hands tied. When Hope started hearing angel radio, that Dean was raised from Hell, I called him to me. He knew she was an angel, I realize that now. He also knew he wouldn't survive the fight."

"He didn't, not really. Lucifer killed him, or his vessel, anyway."

"Yeah, and that's what he wanted everyone to think, that he'd died."

"What happened from there?"

She sucked in a breath. "Gabriel had his own thing to do. It took a lot out of him to depart from his vessel in time to save himself. He came and stayed with me for a while."

"I still can't believe you let Gabriel possess you."

"He was weak, very weak. My family's lineage goes back to Norway, back to Loki's old stomping ground. He hung out with me for a while, recharged his batteries, and then one day, he just vanished."

"Into Bobby."

"Yeah." She paused. "You have to believe me. Before today, I didn't put the pieces together."

"I still can't believe he's Bobby."

"Me either."

"I need a drink."

She chuckled mirthlessly. "Drink one for me, would you?"

"So…all this time…wait, when did he bail on you?"

"That night before the vampires got me. It's why I couldn't save myself, or rather, why he couldn't save me. He had been healing me if I got hurt on a case. 'Protecting his interests' he's say."

"Damn, Ryan. That's…that's some story."

"Try living it," she replied bitterly.

"Do you regret it?"

"Never."

They were both silent for a moment and Dean strained to hear what was said next. He was so exhausted, but this tale…he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I'm sorry, Ryan," Sam's soft voice said.

"For what, Sam?"

"Everything."

She chuckled flatly. "I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific, Sam."

He sighed. "I remembered, later, what I said to you…what I…did to you, when I was soulless."

"You apologized already, remember?"

"I know." He was quiet a moment before he added, "I'm also sorry for the way we left, after that vampire hunt. It bothered me, us leaving you like that. I knew Dean didn't want to. But at the same time, he was afraid he'd…taint you, for lack of a better word. That's why we left. He figured you had a life…"

"I did. With his daughter, then, his son."

"Exactly. He was fresh from Lisa and Ben and it would have cut him in two."

"I know. I know all abut Lisa and Ben."

"Oh, right…I'm sorry for that, too."

"You can stop apologizing, Sam. It really is quite pointless. But Ben and Lisa? Don't ever apologize for that. They...they were his safe harbor. It was so much easier for me, knowing he was, well, I wouldn't use the word happy, but he was content with them. She looked after him. If I could, I would go and thank her personally for taking care of him, for loving him like she did." She sighed and he felt her hand on his face, felt her other hand in his. "I would have been okay with it."

"With what?"

"If he had stayed with her. I had Hope and she was my whole world. I was hunting with Andy and Tory and life was good. I kept up with Bobby and he kept me informed of Dean's life. I never wished any of this shit on him. If he had one damn minute of happiness in this world, one shred of joy, I was content with it."

"You're a giving person. Kind. Loving."

She snorted. "No, I'm not. I'm selfish. I hated it, in the beginning. I was jealous. Still am, truth be told. But I realized it wasn't about me. It was about him."

"That seems pretty damn unselfish to me."

"Sure. I'm an oak," she murmured.

He chuckled. "Do you like westerns, too?"

Dean could hear the smile in her voice as she told Sam; "Hope and I lived in Phoenix for a long while. She loved it, I did, too. When I got pregnant with Bobby, we moved, but we went to Tombstone a few times while we lived in Arizona. She loves westerns."

Sam snorted. "Like her dad."

"She's so much like him, Sam. I was surprised he didn't pick up on it in South Dakota."

"That surprised me, too. I could see it as plain as his smirk on her face," Sam mused.

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I kept waiting for it to all fall apart. Then, when he didn't notice..."

"The Mark...he wasn't thinking straight..."

"I know." She sighed. "That was the best night of Hope's young life. She's talked about it pretty much nonstop. When she heard Metatron a few days ago, she knew something bad was coming. She was right. I should have warned you. I should have..."

"Ryan," Sam's voice was gentle. "Ryan, Dean was hell bent on getting himself killed or killing Metatron. Nothing either of us could have done could have prevented it."

Silence filled the air for a few moments before Ryan stated, "You need to let this go, Sam."

"What?"

"Whatever is between the two of you."

Sam's voice had hardened again as he bit out, "You don't know what he did. Him dying...it hasn't changed what he did to me."

They were both silent a moment. "Did he do it to hurt you?"

"What? No! Of course not."

"Did he do it to save your life?"

"Of course. The stubborn son of a bitch never has been able to let me go."

"Then...why are you still mad?"

"You don't know what he did!"

"I know whatever he did, he did it with your best interests at heart."

"He's a selfish jerk," Sam stated childishly.

Ryan sighed. "Sam, you are all Dean has ever had. Without you...he wouldn't know what or who to be. He needs you."

"And you need him," Sam finished flatly.

She sighed and Dean felt her rubbing his face again. "I need him to be alive. Everything else...well, it will happen as it's supposed to."

"Do you believe that?"

She snorted. "Didn't you get the memo? Everything happens for a reason. Like I said, I never envisioned a happily ever after with Dean."

"But you'd like one."

"Hell yes, I'd like one. I'm a girl, Sam. Girls tend to want the fairy tale, even girls as fucked up as I am."

They were both quiet for a few moments more.

"You could have one," Sam said finally.

"And how exactly do I do that?"

"You…you're special, Ryan. I can tell."

She snorted.

"I'm serious. Maybe, with you, we can…I don't know, break this curse or something."

"Do you really believe you're cursed?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"Maybe I am too."

Silence reigned for a few moments more. "You need to get some sleep, Ryan. You're pregnant, remember?"

"Pretty sure I can't forget being knocked up, Sam." Dean could hear the smirk in her voice as she said, "Besides, the conception was one for the record books."

"Dude. That's my brother."

She laughed throatily. "I hate I didn't get to know you better, Sam. I like you."

"The feeling's mutual, Ryan. And who knows? Maybe we'll get to know each other a lot better."

"Maybe."

"Go to sleep. Take a few hours. I'll sit with him."

"You're as exhausted as I am."

"I'm not the one that's an incubator, though. You're working double shift."

She sighed. "Fine. A few hours only. I'm setting my clock, then you're going to take a nap."

"Yes ma'am, Mama Bear."

She giggled. "That's right. I'm Mama Bear. Don't you forget it."

Dean felt her hand as it moved and he felt her squeeze his chin with her thumb and forefinger. "You come back to us, Winchester," she said, her breath ghosting over him as she leaned in to kiss his forehead. He could smell the honeysuckle scent that was Ryan. "Come back, Dean. Please come back. Your brother needs you. I need you. You've got kids to meet, okay?"

That was the last thing he heard as the darkness and silence engulfed him.

* * *

"It's been a day, Dean. You need to wake up now. Come on, man. You can't be dead. Not after all this…Gabriel, Jon, Hope, Ryan, Bobby is Gabriel…you've got to wake up. You wouldn't believe it. Hell, I'm not sure I believe it. You're a dad, man. I know, I know, it'll scare the shit out of you, but you'll be great at it. You raised me, a hell of a lot better than Dad did, anyway. Bobby taught us how to be good men, not just fighters. Just think…how awesome will it be to see your kid be born, huh?"

Dean tried, but he couldn't wake up, not yet. Something was keeping him tethered to the dark. He wasn't sure how to feel. He didn't feel…anything. Not at the moment. But he could hear. He could understand what the words were. He knew who the people were. Ryan. Sam. Even little Hope. He knew who they were. He just wished he could feel. He remembered a time in the not so distant past where he wished he couldn't feel a damn thing. Now, he was longing for it.

"Hey," Ryan's soft voice called. "How is he?"

"No change."

"You think we need to try and call Gabriel? Or maybe Castiel?"

"I've thought about it. Man, I don't even know what's happening up there. Not that I really care…"

"If it's any consolation, Gabriel said they turn Metatron human. I don't know anything more than that."

"Huh. Human. Well, I still don't think it's good enough."

"Neither do I, Sam."

They were quiet a moment. "Go. Get some sleep," Ryan implored.

"Hope still out?"

"Yeah, she didn't rest well on the trip down, and she'd been acting weird ever since Metatron posted out the call to all the angels that he was willing to let them back into Heaven. It scared her."

"What is she, Ryan?"

"I don't know. She's an angel, certainly, but how she got there? How she's not a full angel, but not just a vessel? I have no clue. I guess we'll have to wait for her to explain it, once she figures it out herself. Gabriel wasn't very forthcoming with information on that."

"Is she any different than she was? I mean, she's got grace, obviously…"

"I don't know. I mean, I'm pretty certain she's not being possessed, I would notice a change in her that big. Besides, it's not like she could hide that from me. Most angels aren't capable of acting like regular humans."

"I've only known of one. Anna Milton. She was born."

"Too bad you never got a full explanation out of her."

"Yeah I think Dean was a little too busy…ah…shit, sorry, Ryan."

Ryan's laugh was flat. "You think it surprised me when I read about it, Sam? I know what Dean is, _how_ he is."

"Dad…he messed us both up, Ryan. I can see it, now, more than ever. He messed us up and there's no way to fix it."

"I don't want to fix it, Sam. You two…you are who you are because of your father, for better or worse. And that's okay."

Sam blew out a breath. "I guess I'll go take a nap. Call me, if anything changes?"

"You'll be the first to know, I swear."

Dean heard Sam's heavy footfalls fade away and he felt Ryan's warm hand on his face. "Come on, Dean, wake up. You're not a drama queen. This ploy for attention is getting old."

If he could laugh, he would have. Instead, he just lay there, still as a corpse, unable to move.

"You aren't dead. I can tell. You're still warm to the touch. You aren't breathing, though, so, you know, that's weird, but you aren't cold and dead, not like you were before. I can tell this is working. Hope healed your body. She's purified your soul, now it's just time for you to be rebuilt. Hey, you're like the bionic man. I'd pay six million dollars for you, if I had the money."

She was quiet a moment. "Hope is an angel. I can't…if I had Gabriel here, I'd string him up. Now that all of this is sinking in..." she trailed off, and then her voice grew louder. "He lied to me. He said he'd just given her some extra angel's grace. Well, he did. In the form of a fucking angel!"

Dean could hear her crying softly and his fingers itched to wipe away her tears, but he was powerless.

She sniffed. "I don't know what I'm going to do. How the hell do you raise an angel? And now I've got two? And this one…he's part demon? What…what do I do with this? How do I deal? It was bad enough, the thoughts of being a single mother to three kids…but three extraordinary kids? How can I process this? I just…I don't know if I'm strong enough," she finished on a whisper. She sniffed once more. "But, I've got to be, right? Because that's my job. I was given this purpose. I see that now. It's my job, and I'll do it to the best of my abilities, Dean, I swear it."

Her phone rang then and she answered it with a swift, "Hello? Jody! Thank God I heard from you!"

It was annoying, listening to her end of the conversation, but it wasn't like Dean could get up and walk away, so he listened as she spoke; "Well, we got here in time, now we're just waiting for him to wake up."

_That might be a while, sister, _he thought derisively.

"No, not at a hospital. Trust me. The things we've done thus far didn't warrant a hospital."

_Hospitals and angels and freak hoo-doo don't mix, do they? _

"How's Bobby?" she asked. "I'm sorry I had to bail on you."

Dean had wondered where the little guy was. She must have left him with Jody. That made sense.

"I know. Thanks, Jody, you're my best friend."

He briefly wondered how many friends Ryan actually had. It sounded as though she were quite alone. That made him…sad? His emotions still weren't working with him. He didn't know what he felt.

"I don't know what this means. I guess it's up to Dean."

_What does what mean, Ryan? _Dean was dying to ask her what she was talking about. He had the distinct impression he was missing something.

"Of course I'm going to tell him the truth. How else can we explain it?"

After all the lies, the truth would be preferable, wouldn't it?

"Gabriel gave me some memories, not that it helped a hell of a lot. It's all jumbled up in my head. But I"m sure I'll be seeing him soon. I've got the distinct impression as soon as Dean's up and at 'em, he's going to summon Gabe or pray to him or something to get the skinny on the situation."

_Count on it, _he thought. He had to know what the hell was going on.

She blew out a breath and Dean heard the hitch in her voice as she sobbed, "I don't know what I'll do. I love him, Jo. Dean is my prince charming, well, not so charming, well, yeah, he's pretty damn charming. He manages to charm my panties off every time I'm around him."

_You're pretty damned charming yourself, Ryan. _

She laughed. "I know, I know, I know. I'm not mad at you for sending him to me a few months ago, even though it's your fault I'm knocked up again."

Dean assumed he should feel sheepish at the fact, but he didn't. He never regretted having sex with Ryan, not even that first night. He loved every minute of it.

Ryan was quiet a moment before she took another deep breath. "Well, I'll let you know. Either way, I've got to be back soon. I know Bo can run the business for me, I'm not worried about that. And Hope's out of school, thankfully, so there's that, but I do have a life. _We_ have a life, one that doesn't include Dean. It will be up to him to decide if he wants to be a part of it."

_Do I? _That was the big question, wasn't it? He wasn't this guy. He didn't do the family scene. God knows he'd tried it before, with dastardly results.

"Of course, I want him to be, but it has to be his decision."

She must have been listening to something Jody said because her voice was sad and soft as she responded, "You don't know how much, Jody. I think…well, you're right, okay? We are soul mates. And even if we weren't…I want him. I don't want him like I've got him now, just a fuck and run…I want the whole package. I want him with bed hair and I want his bad morning breath and his smelly socks and his clothes everywhere I have to fuss at him to put in the hamper. I want lazy Sunday mornings and Christmases in our pajamas. I want to make him pies until he fusses at me about how much weight he's gained and I want to cook alongside him in the kitchen. I want a _life _with him." She paused, and he could hear the smile in her voice as she said, "Of course, I also want to bang him like a screen door in a hurricane, but that's neither here nor there…"

If he could have chuckled, he would. He almost…he would have loved that, especially with her. _She wants me to be with her? Of course, Lisa did, too, in the beginning. Look how that turned out. _

"Yeah, I know, Jody, but it can't be. I mean, he's always been adamant about not having kids, not living the apple pie life…" Jody must have interrupted her.

"I know I'm a hunter. I know I can keep the kids safe, Jody, but still…he didn't want that for his children, and he didn't want them following in his footsteps. Well, they are. I can't help it that they're caught up in a prophecy, or so Gabriel said."

_Prophecy? What the fuck? _

"I don't know all the ins and outs of the prophecy, but apparently it's what Gabriel was assuring would happen, me and Dean hooking up."

_Great. More crap from Heaven. Why do I even try to fight this shit anymore? _

Her voice was soft and full of tears again as she said, "Thanks, Jody. I love him so much…I can't…I can't imagine a world without him, but like Sam said to me earlier, Dean being dead and gone…it would be better than him being a demon. Can you imagine? How terrible would the world be if one of the greatest men in the world was suddenly one of the worst? That's apocalyptic right there in and of itself."

He inwardly shivered at the thought of being the thing he despised the most. He couldn't begin to imagine how terrible that would be.

She sighed one more time and he could feel the heat of her hand on his chest. "I just wish he'd wake up. I need him to wake up, Jody. I need him to be alive. I need it like the air I breathe."

She was quiet a moment until her voice took on a different tone. "Hey, baby! How's my big boy?" Jody must have put Bobby on the phone. "Yeah, Mama's with Daddy and Sissy and Uncle Sam. We're fixing Daddy up, okay?" She paused, and then, "Aunt Jody says its time for you to go to bed. You lay down, okay? Want me to read you the story?"

Even over the phone, and being all but dead, Dean could hear the boy shouting what was obviously in excitement.

"Alright, lay down, buddy, okay? Close your eyes, snuggle up with Blue..." Ryan cleared her throat and began reciting obviously from memory; "In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon and a picture of...the cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears, sitting on chairs. And two little kittens and a pair of mittens. A little toy house, and a young mouse. And a comb, and a brush, and a bowl full of mush, and a quiet old lady who was whispering 'hush!'"

He remembered that story...it was one of the first books he remembered reading. His mom read it to him, and he, in turn, used to read it to Sammy. He'd memorized it and it always calmed Sammy down when he was a baby.

Ryan giggled, bringing him back to her. "You like that part best, don't you?" She cleared her throat again and continued; "Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light and the red balloon. Goodnight bears, goodnight chairs. Goodnight clocks, goodnight socks. Goodnight kittens and goodnight mittens. Goodnight little house, and goodnight mouse. Goodnight comb, goodnight brush. Goodnight, nobody, and goodnight mush. And goodnight to the old lady whispering 'hush!' Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises, everywhere."

That was the last thing he heard as the darkness sucked him down once more.

* * *

He awoke to the scratching sound of vinyl being put on and Creedence Clearwater Revival sang softly in the background. "I love Creedence," he heard her say from somewhere in the room. "Did you know? They're one of my favorite bands. Truthfully, I probably like them better than The Eagles."

He smiled inwardly as he drifted in and out to the music. He could hear her, however, as her soft voice began singing in a whispered tone, her words broken by what sounded like tears. The song was one of his favorites;

_**Put a candle in the window  
**__**'**__**Cause I feel I've got to move  
Though I'm goin', goin'  
I'll be comin' home soon  
Long as I can see the light**_

_**Pack my bag and let's get movin'  
'Cause I'm bound to drift a while  
Though I'm gone, gone  
You don't have to worry long  
Long as I can see the light**_

Her gorgeous voice lulled him and he floated along peacefully. Her voice almost had that soft, southern lilt to it as she sang.

_**Guess I've got that old travellin' bone  
'Cause this feelin', won't leave me alone  
But I won't, I won't be losin' my way, no, no  
Long as I can see the light  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah**_

_**Put a candle in the window  
'Cause I feel I've gotta move  
Though I'm goin', goin'  
I'll be comin' home soon  
Long as I can see the light**_

_**Long as I can see the light  
Long as I can see the light  
Long as I can see the light**_

"You have a beautiful singing voice," Sam interjected when she finished.

Dean felt the bed jump as if Sam had startled her. He must have, because he followed up with, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. But you do. You have a beautiful voice."

"Thanks, Sam. Creedence is one of my favorites."

"Yeah, it's one of his, too." Dean heard his brother's voice come closer. "No change?"

"No."

"Did you rest any?"

She yawned as she said, "I laid my head down on his bed. Does that count?"

"No." The flat tone of Sam's voice led Dean to believe the bitchface was out in full force. "You need more sleep."

"It's been almost forty eight hours, Sam. When will he wake up?"

"I don't know. If…if he doesn't wake in the next few hours, I'll call Cas down here, see if he can see why it didn't work. Maybe…Maybe Hope wasn't strong enough."

Ryan drew a haggard breath and Dean could hear her stifling another yawn.

"Go. Bed. I'll wake you if anything changes."

"Sam…"

"Bed, Ryan. You're not doing the baby any good by staying up."

"You're worse than Jody."

Sam chuckled. "Well, she's a real mother hen, so I take that as a compliment. For all of Dean's faults, he's a great caregiver. He looks after you when you're sick. I should know. I've been sick more than once. And he would kill me if he woke up and found out I wasn't taking care of you and your child, Ryan."

She sighed, clearly in defeat. "Yeah, okay. I'll go to bed. But just for a few hours."

"Hunters four, right?"

"You got it."

Dean felt the bed shift as she stood, but not before she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. "Damn it, Dean, please wake up, sweetheart. Even if it's not for me, you're driving your brother crazy."

_I'm trying, _Dean thought as he slipped away again.

* * *

He floated back to the surface to feel warmth radiating through him again. He wanted to open his eyes, but he just couldn't, not yet.

"Hiya, Dean, er, Dad," Hope said as he felt the bed dip. "I juiced you again. Hopefully I don't over-do it. Otherwise, you'll have angel grace in you instead of demon juice. Not that it would be a bad thing. Uncle Sam still has a little bit left in him from Gadreel, and, well, a dash from Lucifer, too, but that's different." She sighed. "I wish I was a full blown angel, then I could probably have zapped you back quick, though, maybe not. I mean, the spell is wicked complicated and luckily I can remember how to read Enochian, because otherwise we'd be screwed…"

Her voice faded but that warmth remained.

"Your heart is beating now, so that's good. I think Uncle Sam needs a pill. I think Mom might have slipped him something. He's taking a nap. She's gone to fix me some lunch. I am a fully functioning unit, you know. I can make like, sandwiches and stuff, and heat things in the microwave, and she's letting me cook on the stovetop and bake with her help, but she's a control freak, and she likes being able to do this for me, so, I get to spend some time with you."

The bed moved more and he could feel more of her. Was she lying next to him?

"So…I guess I'll talk about me, since, hey, you're not much of a talker at the moment."

He wished he could laugh at this cute kid that was apparently his. It made sense now, everything that happened in South Dakota, all the looks, the comments, everything melted into place. Of course she was his kid. Her and Bobby. And apparently, there was another on the way. He wasn't sure how he felt about that yet, but he had the knowledge.

"So, I'm ten and three-quarters. My birthday is November ninth, I'm a Scorpio, I like doing stuff with my family, going on vacations, when we get them, oh, and hey, I'm an angel."

She took a breath. "I'm an angel. So…what do I know? That's what you're wanting the answer to, right?" She paused. "I'm the virtue, Hope. We were the second beings created, right after archangels, so my powers are stronger than, let's say your friend, Castiel, but less so than Gabriel's, or rather, what Gabriel used to have. I'm not sure...he seemed weaker than I remembered, but maybe he's still earning his juice. I knew him from before. I've been Gabe's best friend almost since I was created. He and I took a liking to each other. Not like that, we're just besties, like, well, like brother and sister. This is the second vessel I've had on earth. The first one was a guy, a Greek God named Dionysus. I did some things I'm not proud of. I don't remember all of it, but it's coming back in flashes, much faster than before. Before, I could just be a kid. But now, almost every night, my dreams are full of memories. My brain is expanding and it makes my head hurt sometimes. But it's cool. So, most of the time, I'm just your basic ten year old. It's all good."

She sucked in another breath. "It's been a long time since I was a child. I like being in a female body better. Angels…we aren't supposed to have preferences in our vessels, but I like to be a girl. It's what I identified myself as in Heaven, if I needed to. Some like to be boys. Hey, 'different strokes for different folks' as Mom says."

He felt a hand in his hair and then it moved as he felt her head lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "It's been a long time since I've had a father, Dean. Zeus…he was okay, but I'd rather have you. You're a good man, a hard worker. You think of everyone but yourself, to the point it kills you. You love with your whole heart, and you have been blessed by Heaven, whether you realize it or not."

She paused and he felt the bed shift again. He felt his right arm being lifted and felt her small body scoot into the space between his arm and his body. "I want a daddy, Dean. I want you to be my daddy, okay? I mean, I realize I'm an angel, and I've had Mom and trust me, she's the best mom anyone in the whole history of the world could have. She's…well, you know how awesome she is."

Dean was beginning to have an inkling to just how awesome Ryan Fawcett really was.

"But she can't do it all. Gabe told me we lived without you for almost seven years. I would have been grown and never had you for a father and that really makes me sad. I know you can hear me, can hear us, in there. I can tell. Please…forget the lies she told you. She did it for a good reason. I know the two of you will fight and argue, it's in your nature. Soul mates are passionate. They fight the loudest and love the hardest. You're her soul mate. She is yours. Prove that to her. Wake up and do the right thing. Not because it's the right thing, but because you're stowing your crap and being who _you _want to be. You want this life, Dad. I'm not stupid. You want this life and you need this life. You can be a hunter, a Man of Letters, a father, and…and a husband, if you choose to. Please, choose us. Don't think you can do it alone again. You can't. You don't want to be alone and we don't want to be without you. Come to us, please."

"Hope Deanna," Ryan called softly from the door. Dean could hear the tears in Ryan's voice.

"Mom…"

"Oh, my baby…"

He felt the bed shift as Ryan sat down and he felt her arms encircle both him and their daughter. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I've done this to you."

"Mom, you did what Gabriel told you to do. It was right. I know. I just…I want him back now. I'm still a kid, even though I've got super powers."

Ryan chortled but Dean could hear the sadness in her voice. "My little superhero."

"I want him to wake up. Why won't he wake up?"

"It takes time, sugar. I'm sure he'll come back when his body is good and ready. What you've done…what he's been through…it's a lot for a human body to withstand."

"I wish I could smoke out of this body, I would take over in there and fix him from the inside, but I was born in it. I'm stuck. I can't change. If I could…"

"I know you would do whatever you could, Hopey, just like you've already done. Don't worry. Things will work out as they're supposed to. Everything happens for a reason."

"I believe it, Mom. I really do."

"Good." Ryan was quiet a moment before she asked, "Do you want me to braid your hair since you're out of the shower?"

"Yeah, thanks."

They were both quiet a moment and he could almost see Ryan's capable hands weaving through Hope's dark hair as she worked quickly to make a braid. "There. All done. My beautiful angel face." Ryan's voice cracked and Dean wondered how the hell the chick was still staying upright. This couldn't be healthy for her. How far along was she? Was she showing yet? Why was he even wondering this?

Ryan cleared her throat. "Now, there is something for you to eat in the kitchen. Do you want to bring it back in here?"

"No. I don't think Dad likes other people eating in his bedroom."

Ryan chuckled. "Whatever you say, toots. I'm going to sit here a little longer, alright?"

"Okay, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, baby girl, so very much."

Dean felt the bed move again, Hope must have been getting up, then he felt Ryan's warm hand on his face. "Well, Mr. Winchester, it seems as though you have a pulse. That's good. Now, let's see if we can't get you some more brain activity, shall we? I'll save the brain-dead jokes for when you wake up."

He wanted to, now more than ever. The kid needed him. Sam needed him. Ryan needed him. And truthfully? He was pretty damn certain he needed them, too.

* * *

He regained that state of consciousness a few times over what he assumed were the next few days but it could have been hours. Each time, it was Sam talking to him, encouraging him to wake up, Hope talking animatedly about their lives, places they'd lived, things they'd done, and Ryan...Ryan would sing to him. Different songs, different genres, occasionally she would tease she was singing just to irritate him, because he distinctly heard a Nickelback song and a Backstreet Boys one, and if he wasn't mistaken, a Taylor Swift song that almost drove him batty, but he couldn't wake up to put his hand over her mouth. So he listened, that soft, sweet voice, occasionally dipping into that southern accent a bit more, depending on her song choice, and he loved every minute of it.

The next time he woke, it was dark, but a different dark. He blinked and looked around as his room swam into focus. He turned his head and saw Sam sitting on the chair next to the bed, his head tilted back at an odd angle, snoring loudly. "Sammy?" he managed, though his throat was raw.

Sam shot up. "Dean?"

"Yeah."

"Dean? Oh my God. You're alive."

Dean coughed to clear his throat. "Yeah," he repeated. He sat up, and surprisingly, felt completely normal, outside of being really thirsty.

"Here. Here's a glass of water," Sam said as he handed Dean the glass.

"Thanks, man. I feel like my throat's The Sahara." He downed the water and sat the glass on the bedside table.

"How are you?"

"Alive?" Dean guessed.

"Ha, ha. Seriously, Dean. You went through the ringer."

"I know. I remember."

Sam stilled as his eyes met his brother's. "What do you mean?"

"I heard you. I heard Ryan. I heard everything."

"Everything?"

Dean blinked. "Well, almost everything. Enough."

"You can't be angry at her, Dean…"

Dean frowned. "Why is it that's the first thing you think I'll be?"

"Sorry, Dean, but these last few months…all you've been is angry."

He remembered that, too, the anger associated with The Mark, with Sam in general…all of it. His hand brushed where The Mark was, or should have been. In its place, his skin was smooth. "What the fuck?"

"We've got a lot to discuss."

"Obviously," Dean stated drolly.

"Look, Dean, life with you hasn't been easy lately."

"Well, it's not like you've been much other than a detached pain in the ass, Sam."

Sam held up both hands. "Look, we have shit we need to sort out, I get it."

Dean looked at him and shook his head. "I was wrong, Sam," he admitted softly. "I shouldn't keep bringing you into this life when it's clear you don't want it. When I realized Metatron had killed me, when I was dying, I finally got it. I was ready. I'd accepted it. I was wrong to deny you of that. You deserve some damn peace, man."

Sam took a breath and shook his head as well. "It was wrong, but I'm glad you did it. I want to be here, with you, Dean. I want to fight right alongside you. I want to learn more about these monsters, fill my head with all the crap the Men of Letters has…all of it."

Dean stood, as did Sam, and they embraced. "I'm so glad you're okay," Sam managed as he hugged Dean for all he was worth.

"Me too, Sammy, me too."

They stood there, comfortable in their brotherly bond for a moment before they both pulled away and smiled. "So…now what?" Dean inquired.

Sam blew out a breath. "I honestly have no idea."

"You heard from Cas?"

"No, but Gabe filled me in on what's going to happen."

"Who?"

Sam winced. "That may take a little more time to explain…"

"Where's Ryan? She didn't leave, did she?"

Sam smiled. "No, she didn't. She's asleep. I pickpocketed her phone so she can't set a clock. I'm going to let her sleep until she wakes up."

"And the kid? Hope?"

"Asleep, too. She's in Kevin's room."

Dean nodded. "Okay. Let's talk to this Gabe. Can we summon him, or…?"

"Dean, do you know who Gabe is?"

He had an inkling. Memories, well, no, they couldn't be memories, since they hadn't happened yet, were surfacing, and he didn't know what to do about them, either. "Not exactly, but I have an idea…"

"Okay, well, we can try calling for him, I guess…"

Dean nodded again. "Good. I just want to see him, find out some things…"

"But first, you need to shower, dude."

Dean looked down at his blood-stained clothes. "Looks like the least you could have done was changed me into something clean, Sammy."

Sam's nose wrinkled. "Sorry. I'm not a nursemaid."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. Lemme take a quick shower and change…"

It only took him a few moments to shower and change and he met Sam, who also looked freshened up, out in the hall. The two quickly went to the dungeon where all the summoning supplies were laid out from when Dean used it to summon Crowley…was it just a few days ago? "Dude, how long have I been out?"

"Seventy two hours."

Dean let out a low whistle. "And you still haven't heard from Cas?" It hurt, to be honest. He would have figured Cas would have at least cared to see Dean's dead body.

"He's busy, Dean."

"Yeah, but…" he shook his head. "Never mind. I'm being a little bitch over this."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, you are."

Dean shoved him and Sam laughed out loud. Sam glanced at the paraphernalia on the floor. "You know...I doubt this will work."

"Why?"

Instead of answering, Sam called aloud, "Gabriel? Gabe, Dean's awake."

They waited and it took only moments for the boy to appear. "You know, you could just call my cell phone. I get hella good reception where I'm at and I put my number in your phone."

"Gabriel?" Dean asked as he gaped at him. The boy couldn't have been more than a teenager and he was a carbon copy of himself at that age. Same build. Same fierce determination in hazel green eyes, same bravado and sarcasm.

Gabriel smiled. "Hey, Dad. Glad to see you're up and around. Looking pretty spry for a dead guy."

"Gabe…?"

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

"I…I don't understand," Dean stated flatly as he sank to his knees. "I need a minute…"

Gabriel snorted. "Yeah, seeing a twenty year old demon mark wearing, archangel, part vampire son will do that to a guy."

"Gabe," Sam warned softly.

The boy smiled softly. "Hey, it's okay, Dean," Gabe told him as he walked over and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Just give it a minute."

Thoughts, memories, floated in his head. He remembered taking the kid to Purgatory, teaching him human stuff like how to ride a motorcycle, stupid shit like how to belch the chorus of Jingle Bells, then, others, like being in Hell with his two sons, he could see it, but it was as if it were all a dream. "What the fuck is going on?"

Gabriel's eyes widened. "You remember, don't you? It worked, me giving you the memories. I wasn't sure..."

Dean shook his head. "No…they're not memories. They haven't happened yet…"

Gabe smiled sadly. "No, they haven't. Only you, Mom, and I know them, remember them. Well, I gave Sam a couple, too. I planted what Mom needs to see in her head a little bit ago while she was sleeping. I gave you yours, too."

He looked up into the face of his son. "Why?"

Gabriel sighed. "I messed it up, okay? I was wrong. I didn't know...This...it's different for me this time. I got emotionally attached. Angels aren't supposed to do that."

"Tell that to Cas," Sam muttered under his breath behind Dean.

Gabe smiled. "You're right. Cas is what all of us should strive to be. I see that now. Before...I didn't get it. It took me being born human to understand. I get it now. But this? It's so you get it right, so we all get it right. I screwed the pooch last time, I admit it, but now, we've got a chance to hit the 'reset' button and get it fixed like it's supposed to be."

All of the memories Gabriel gave Dean were flooding back now; Dean had been a demon. Bits and pieces floated in and out of his head, he hooked back up with Ryan, even though Gabriel hadn't been thrilled with it, but she loved him despite him being a demon, and he loved her, so much. He could see it. But loving her...it was what caused the deal…

Dean gasped as the pain ripped through him as he saw Lucifer taking possession of her, how the evil angel taunted him about taking two of the people he loved the most; Sam, and Ryan, turning them both against him... He closed his eyes at the onslaught of pain, but managed, "Ryan let Lucifer out of his cage. He took over her body when she became a demon. He killed so many people..." He saw images, bodies, but no faces. But he felt the mourning. Who had she killed? He saw Jody, Charlie, but there were other bodies with missing faces. He needed to know who they were.

He heard Sam gasp and Gabriel nodded solemnly. "Yeah, she did. That was why I had to come back and fix it. Jon wanted to go back, take The Mark from you before you sealed the deal, but I, well, I had a better idea in mind."

Dean saw that, too, from Gabriel's point of view. Cas talking to anther boy that looked so eerily like him, whispering low, something about not meeting a human...he'd have to figure that one out later. But this..."You decided to do this yourself. To come back. All the way back. Back to now," Dean finished softly.

The boy shrugged. "Hey, if it thwarts the second apocalypse, why not?"

Dean's eyes narrowed as he glimpsed The Mark of Cain on the boy's arm. "So…you-you're a demon and an angel?"

Gabriel's eyes flashed black and then flared angel blue. "Hell if I know. The demon thing just sort of happened. Being an angel, I guess I could burn it out of me, if I thought about it. I've got to get to Cain, straighten him out, but right now I'm dealing with Crowley. He's a little douche. I don't know why you let him live..."

"We often wonder the same thing," Sam muttered. "The better question is, why are _you_ letting him live?"

The boy shrugged. "Hell isn't my place. I don't mind straightening it out, but I belong in Purgatory with my..." Gabriel cleared his throat. "Anyway, another time, another day, we'll discuss Purgatory. But for now, I guess I'll be floating around.

Dean didn't give two shits about Hell, Purgatory, or Heaven at the moment. What he was worried about was that thing emblazoned on his son's skin. "Are you okay with The Mark? You don't feel…?"

"The urge to go out and murder the villagers? Nope. I'm good."

"I still don't understand," Dean repeated.

Gabriel nodded as he grasped Dean's hand and helped him stand. "I know, it's weird. You won't see me much right now. Technically, I really shouldn't even be up here, but I can't stay away when my family needs me. It's ingrained in The Winchester Logic."

"Winchester…you're my son. You really are my son."

Gabriel chuckled. "Don't get all 'William Turner Senior' on me, Dad. Yes. I'm your son. I look like you, talk like you, act like you…Hope, well, the older Hope, says I'm a dick like you, too, but hey, she's..." he cleared his throat. "Anyway, she's yours, too, so it balances out."

"Gabe…Bobby."

The boy's eyebrow rose. "So, you _were _paying attention in class. Good. Makes things easier on Mom."

"Ryan…" Dean shook his head. "This is a hell of a lot to take in."

"I bet."

Everyone was silent for a moment. "Crowley treating you alright?"

Gabriel's eyes flashed as they narrowed. "Trust me, things are fine. You taught me well, Dad."

"It's coming back slowly," And it was. Dean couldn't quite handle the steady stream of memories flooding him. "What exactly did I teach you?"

"How to be a man and stand up for what's right. Don't worry, I've got it all under control. I'm getting the cracks boarded up as we speak. You've got my permission to gank as many demons as you come across. Crossroads demons can still come when they're summoned, I can't do anything about that, but I remember what rules you had in place. I'll make sure we uphold them."

"Rules…" he blinked. "I was the King of Hell?"

Gabe smiled. "You were the best king."

"Damn. Kinda sad to see that kind of juice go," Dean admitted.

Something flashed in the boy's eyes. "Don't ever say that. You're The Righteous Man, Dad. That's who you are, it's what you're destined to be. This…this isn't ideal, but it's how it's supposed to go down."

"Do you know what you're doing? You're awfully young."

Gabriel smirked as he puffed out his. "I'm an angel of the lord. Trust me. I can handle this."

Dean smiled at the kid. He was most definitely his. "Are you really _the _Gabriel?"

"Douchebag supreme? Yep. That's me."

"Why did you..." Dean trailed off and shook his head. "It doesn't matter, does it?"

The boy sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. "Look...I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of. Probably will again, truth be told, but don't...don't try to reconcile who I was with who I am. Don't punish that kid in South Dakota because you know who I used to be, alright?"

"I could never..."

"I did. That's what I did to you and it wasn't fair. You popped back up into my life when my memories were surfacing. I was able to be nice to Sam because he was there when I was a baby. I remembered him as that Sam, the one who nurtured me, and fixed my boo-boos and taught me how to throw a ball. But you...I remembered who you were by the time you came back into our lives. It screwed with my head and it screwed with our relationship."

"You hated me," Dean all but whispered as he remembered what Gabriel had given him, the anger of Dean being back with Ryan.

"I didn't hate you, I just..." the boy trailed off in thought. He sucked in a breath. "You have to understand. Angels...we've never known the love of a mother. Not saying we lack anything, it's just...it changes us, being born to a human. So, when we are, we latch on tightly. I would have gone to the ends of everything to protect Ryan Fawcett because she's my mom. Even if that meant protecting her from the person she loves the most."

"You have, haven't you? I see how exhausted you are. That's not normally how an archangel acts. You're worn out. You did too much, coming back this far."

The kid nodded. "Yeah, I did. It almost killed me. When you take on a human life, like I have, but keep your grace, you pay a price. Hope knows it, too, or she will. We aren't as strong. Oh, we're still stronger than most things around the block, but we do have limitations."

"I swear, Gabe. I won't...I'll be good to him, you...whatever."

"I know." Gabriel smiled. "That's why I chose you. You love, Dean Winchester. You love so much. And I know I said it before, you probably won't remember, but I'm glad I chose you to be my earthly father. I love you." The boy wrapped him in a huge hug and Dean felt the urge to hug him back, so, he did.

When they pulled apart, both their eyes were a little wet. Gabriel cleared his throat. "You look after Mom, alright? Don't let her try to weasel out of anything."

"Like what?"

Gabe shot him a look. "Like being self-sacrificing enough to give up her happiness because she doesn't want you to feel like she's trapped you. She's happy enough, but I've seen her with you. She's a million times happier when she's with you. And we all like it when Mama Bear is happy."

"Mama Bear?"

Gabriel grinned as he looked at Sam. "Uncle Sammy's nickname for her. It stuck through all the kids."

"All the kids? You mean you three."

The boy's smile grew. "And the ones that find their way. Hunter's kids tend to get lost in the shuffle if they aren't cultivated. Sam and Mom began seeking out the ones left behind, offering them a better way of life. They become hunters or Men of Letters. But there are really only three others she cares enough about to tattoo their names on her."

Dean thought of the band around her ankle with Hope and Bobby's names on it. He suddenly remembered a flash of her ankle bearing the names "Krissy" "Ben" and "Jesse" as well. He gasped as pain radiated through him. "Ben." He didn't know how he knew, but he knew it was his Ben. Lisa's Ben. He didn't know what the date was, either. There was a "gotcha" date on Ryan's ankle. They celebrated those dates like they would a birthday, but he couldn't remember the year. "Can you tell me when we should go look for them?"

Gabriel shook his head. "They'll find you, when the time is right."

"I don't like this. Time travel fucks with everything."

"If there were another way, I would have tried to figure it out before I came back. Everything will work out like it's supposed to."

"You have such faith, Gabriel."

Gabe smiled. "Well, I had three people who believed in me enough to instill it in me." He glanced at his watch and winced. "Sorry to cut this short, but I've got a meeting."

"A meeting?"

Gabriel nodded. "Consider Hell a company. For the time being, I'm the reigning CEO. I've got to go create my CFO."

"What?"

"Knights, Dad. I need Knights of Hell to help me whip the place into shape. Trust me, Crowley will not be one of them."

"Who, Gabriel? You don't know anyone there."

Gabe smiled again. "Of course I do. I just know them from when you knighted them."

More memories began popping up. Bela. Meg. "Bela hooked up with some witch dude?!" Dean exclaimed.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, not yet, anyway, Dad."

Dean's eyes narrowed as he remembered something else... "Eve. I can't believe you hooked up with that evil bitch."

Gabriel chuckled. "I keep her on a leash, or, maybe she does me…I'm not sure. It's complicated. Family reunions are a bitch already, I'm sure they'll only get more twisted, especially since the time tables will change. I may have more family members than I already know."

"Gabriel…" suddenly, he had a million questions he wanted to ask. The memories were coming in, but they were jumbled. None of them seemed to make any sense, like they were filtering in out of order, or he was picking up pages from a torn book, reading them out of context.

"Dad, it will be okay. Don't worry about it. I'm doing the right thing. Trust me."

Dean was rarely truthful, but in this instance, he felt the need to be. "I don't know you, Gabriel. I don't trust you, either, not completely."

The angel's eyes hardened for a moment before he shook his head. "You don't, but you will." He paused, as if trying to make up his mind about something. "Look, I know how you feel about Mom. I saw it. Even as a demon, you loved her. Don't be a total dick, Dean. Own up to your feelings and do something about it."

"I don't know how," Dean told him honestly.

Gabriel shrugged. "You figured it out with a twisted soul. I'm pretty sure with that bright one you're wearing now, it'll come even easier. Let go of the shit you can't change. She doesn't want a perfect man, dude. She wants you. And you don't want a perfect chick, you want her. So…go do it."

Dean nodded. "Okay."

They both stood. "Oh, and one last thing," Gabriel began, "If you don't change her last name to 'Winchester' sooner this time around, I'm going to come and kick your ass. Make an honest woman out of her for fuck's sake." And with that, he was gone.

Dean blinked and sagged in exhaustion. "Holy shit…"

"Dean? You okay?" Sam reappeared in the room a moment later. Funnily, he hadn't even noticed Sam had stepped out to give him and Gabriel a moment alone.

"Yeah, Sam, I'm good." He turned wearily and shook his head as if to clear it, though, it did no good.

"I think you need to go back to bed."

He thought he probably did, too, but he had one last thing he needed to do. "I need to see Ryan."

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut and gave his brother a grim smile. "Okay. Listen, I'm going to go take Hope somewhere, let you and Ryan have some time alone. How about that?"

"That…that's probably a good idea." He had no idea what would happen or where they would end up by the time they'd finished talking. Honestly, though he'd heard all sorts of things from everyone, he just needed to look in Ryan's eyes and find out the truth. What did she really feel? What did she really want from him? From life? From…this whole thing?

* * *

They went and found Hope, who was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms in the kitchen. "Dad!" she called and ran to him.

Dean's brows furrowed, but he didn't hesitate as he grabbed her in a huge hug. "Hey, shorty. You got taller," he commented as he realized he didn't have to bend quite so far to give her a hug.

"You got more alive," she shot back.

He grinned. "So I did."

She looked at him a moment and smiled. "You're gonna go talk to Mom now, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Sam's gonna take you somewhere fun."

"Cool. Is there anything to do fun around here? It's kinda out in the middle of nowhere."

Sam laughed. "You're going to have to help me, Hope. I've never been around kids."

She grinned. "Well, I'm easy to please. I haven't been target shooting this week."

"We have a shooting range here in the bunker. We can do that later. Let's do something fun."

Her eyes lit with mischief. "Cool! Okay. Let me get my phone. I can look on the internet."

"Your mom lets you have a smartphone?" Dean asked, surprised.

Hope nodded. "She wouldn't, but when I started hearing Metatron's voice in my head, she was worried. She bought it for me the day you…I mean, uh…a few days ago." Her voice went monotone as she recited, "It's not a toy. It should be treated with respect, blah, blah, blah…"

Dean chuckled. Oh yeah, she was his. That smart mouth was hard to deny. "Well, go on, get your stuff."

She hugged him one more time before she ran out of the kitchen and down the hall. Dean grinned as he turned to his brother. "I think you're in for a long day, Sammy."

Sam chuckled. "Well, I guess I can take one for the home team. I just hope she doesn't want to go to that Plucky Pennywhistle's place." A look of horror flashed across his face. "God, you don't think she's into that kind of thing, do you?"

Dean's brows furrowed. "She's ten. I imagine you could probably talk her into a museum or something. I think Ryan's probably told her all about us, which is weird, but I think Ryan probably realizes you're a little bitch about clowns."

"They're scary, and some clowns kill, if you remember..."

"You're a pussy," Dean shot back.

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

They looked at one another and smiled. "I know this isn't easy, Dean. Just…go easy on Ryan, okay?"

Dean scowled. "Why does everyone assume I'm going to tell her flat out 'no' and walk away?"

Sam just looked at him.

"What?"

"It's kind of your M.O., Dean."

Dean sucked in a breath and blew it out exasperatedly. "I'm not the greatest guy in the world, but I'm not going to beat down a pregnant chick, metaphorically or otherwise." That's when it hit him..._holy shit. She's pregnant. With my kid. There's another kid..._

Sam grinned and interrupted Dean's train of thought. "I don't know, Dean, even knocked up, I have the distinct impression she could wipe the floor with your ass."

"Ha, fucking, ha, Sam."

Sam clasped him on the shoulder. "You two will work it out. Hey, everything has a reason, right?"

"So I keep hearing," Dean grumbled as he walked out of the kitchen.

He hadn't asked where Sam had put Ryan up, but if he'd put Hope in Kevin's old room, then he probably had Ryan right next door. It wasn't one of the largest rooms, but it did have an en suite bathroom, something none of the other bunker bedrooms featured. He felt sure Sam had given this one to Ryan so she could have a modicum of privacy. He knocked on the closed door, and when she didn't answer, he turned the knob. It was unlocked, and he stepped inside.

He heard the shower running and his thoughts immediately traveled back to South Dakota, only a few months ago. This was June, so it had been sometime in March. He tacked on nine months from March before he could stop himself and imagined what this Christmas would be like.

After their shitty attempt at Christmas the year before he'd been dragged to Hell, they hadn't celebrated the holiday. Then, the year he spent with Ben and Lisa, he'd stayed drunk and shut in the bedroom most of the day. Not the greatest of memories. _Maybe this year will be different. Maybe this year, me and Sam will finally have a family…_it was something to think about.

He heard a noise besides the running water and he crept closer to the half-open bathroom door. Ryan was sobbing, the shower all but covering the sounds, but he could make out her words clear enough. She was praying.

"God, I know you're there. The guys, they don't understand, they don't get it. That's okay. This world…it's a mess. We're going to clean it up. Me and the kids, Sam…even the angel squad upstairs and whoever has taken over to help Gabriel downstairs. We'll get it straightened out. I know this is all part of your master plan. But please…save Dean. I don't care about my happiness, I don't care about whether he loves me or not. I don't care about any of that. Forget me. I want him to be okay. I need for him to be okay. The world needs for him to survive this. Please, God, please, save him. Save Dean Winchester one more time."

Dean was floored. It had never occurred to him that anyone would pray for him. Of course, he knew when Sammy prayed, or used to, he prayed for the both of them, but to actually hear it was a whole other creature.

He wondered if he should step in, but decided to let her go ahead and finish her shower, finish getting dressed. Instead, he sat on her bed and waited.

It only took her a few more moments before he heard the shower turn off. He heard her messing around in the room and he sucked in a breath. _Now or never, Winchester. What's your play? _He still didn't know what he'd say, what he would do…then, the door opened.

Her body was wrapped in one towel, with another wrapped around her head like a turban. She stopped and both her hands traveled to her mouth as her eyes grew wide. "Dean?"

He smiled uncertainly. "Hey."

Her breathing hitched and she shouted "Dean!" as she launched herself at him. He caught her and they tumbled onto the bed, her familiar weight resting on him. She began raining kisses all over his face.

He smiled as he began kissing her in earnest. His hands moved over her body softly, taking in every inch of her he could on their way north. He pulled the towel from her hair and fisted both hands in her glorious curls as her mouth feasted on his.

"Dean, oh, God, Dean…you're alive...thank God..." she moaned as she continued kissing him, his face, his neck, back to his face, his ears, every part of him not covered by his clothes.

"Ryan…" he murmured as his hands went for the towel wrapped around her.

"Wait," she panted as she stood. He sat up and looked at her. She sucked in a breath, blew it out, and muttered, "For fuck's sake, Ryan, keep it together." She sucked in another breath. "Wait…we can't just…"

"We can talk later," he promised as he pulled the towel from her body. He took her in. She was radiant. He'd heard stories about pregnant women glowing before, but he hadn't believed it, not until her. His thumbs ghosted across her still-flat stomach and his lip pouted unbidden. "You aren't showing yet."

She smiled softly as she took his face in both hands. "No, not quite. My pants are starting to get tight, though, if that's any consolation."

His eyes traveled to hers and he knew they were brimming with tears, just like hers were. "Ryan…I don't know what to say."

Her hands fell away from his face to hang limply at her sides as she stared at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

Her head lifted to look at him. "I love you."

He nodded. "I know." She bit her quivering lower lip and he shook his head. "I don't know what to say or do right now, Ryan."

"Don't hate me?" she pleaded as a tear ran down her face.

"I have so much I want to say and none of it wants to come out."

She sucked in a stuttering breath. "I know what you mean."

They looked at one another a moment. He stood and looked down at her. She was the most gorgeous creature he'd ever seen. He didn't know when his heart had ever felt like this...full. Full of what, he wasn't sure, but it felt strange. He needed to tell her...what? He wasn't sure. His hands seemed to move of their own volition as he muttered, "Fuck it," and delved to her again.

She moaned loudly as his hands roamed everywhere. "Too many clothes," she muttered as she clawed at his tee-shirt and jeans.

He pulled the shirt over his head and toed off his boots as her fingers deftly unfastened the button on his jeans. He hissed as her hand closed around him. "Damn, Ryan…" he murmured as he shimmied out of his pants, her helping by pushing them down with first her hands, then tugging them to his ankles with her foot.

"Need you," she moaned as she began pumping him. He turned them and gently gave her a push. She must have understood and took that as a sign to shimmy onto the bed.

He looked at her, licking his lips, before followed her and hovered over her as she once more continued her ministrations, her hands busy as his mouth explored hers. "Need you," she whimpered again as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Fuck," he growled as he thrust, connecting them.

They let out joint groans of pleasure and he stopped moving just to stare down at her. Right here, in this moment, everything hit him with crystal clear clarity. She was his world. Her, the kids, Sam, they were all his. He could have this. He could finally find peace. It wouldn't be easy, he knew that. They were hunters. Life would always be hard. But this…he wasn't one hundred percent sure he could do it, but he knew Ryan was strong enough to help lead him, to help guide him. With her on one side, Sam on the other, they could really make a difference in the world. Cas would sort shit out upstairs, Gabriel would figure things out down south, and all the rest would iron itself out.

"Dean?"

"I love you, Ryan," he told her. He realized then, the last time he'd uttered those words were to his mother. "I love _you_, Ryan. I don't know how everything will work out, hell, I don't know _if _it will work out, but I know I love you. I just…I needed to tell you."

She smiled as tears spilled from each of her eyes. "Took you long enough, Winchester."

He smirked. "I'm a little slow on the uptake."

Her legs wrapped tighter around his waist, pulling him in further, reminding him of what they were doing. "Save the flowery speeches. Make love to me now."

"Yes ma'am," he replied. And he did just that.

* * *

He awoke to the sound of someone walking down the hallway. Uncertain how much time had passed, he wasn't sure if it was Sam. He quickly slipped on his jeans and seeing the black metal of Ryan's Sig Sauer on the desk, snagged it up, quickly checked the chamber, slid the safety off, and waited by the door. The footsteps came closer, and he opened the door wide...in time to point the gun at Cas. "Dude! You scared the shit out of me."

Castiel's brows furrowed. "I do not believe that is exactly a possibility, Dean. If so, you would smell of your excrement..."

Dean chuckled and put the gun in the back of his jeans waistband. "It's an expression. I thought Metadouche gave you pop culture references."

"I understand some of them. Others...elude me."

"Obviously."

Cas looked past Dean into the room. "It seems as though you are making good use of your returned vigor. Is it customary to bring your females back to the bunker? Is that wise?"

Dean's eyes narrowed as he pulled the door closed a bit more. Ryan was sound asleep on her stomach, but it was all too evident she was naked under the sheet that just barely covered her ass. From the door, Dean could easily see the anti-possession tattoo surrounded by her wings. "Don't look at her," he growled.

Castiel's eyes widened. "I apologize. I did not realize...I am not accustomed to being around your...conquests."

"She's not...it's not like that!"

Cas furrowed his brows. "What is wrong, Dean? I did not mean to offend you."

"She's not some whore I picked up on the street, Cas."

Castiel appraised him. "You care for her, this woman. Who is she?"

"Ryan Fawcett. She's...apparently, she's my soul mate."

Cas blinked. "Your..."

"Yeah. Shocked the shit out of me, too. I guess there are some prophecies about my kids? She's got two. And they're mine."

"And a new life growing within her."

Dean couldn't quite help the grin. "You know that?"

"I...sense it."

"Can you sense it isn't all human, too?"

"I'm not certain..."

"He's half demon, conceived when I had the Mark of Cain a few months ago. He finishes the prophecies. I don't know all of it, yet. Gabriel kind of didn't fill in all the blanks, but...yeah."

"Gabriel?! He is alive?"

Dean nodded. "He's coming to see you, I guess. Apparently he's in Hell with Crowley. I haven't gotten the whole story..."

The angel's voice was full of wonder."I did not realize the Righteous Man's prophecies were to come true."

"You knew about them and didn't tell me!?"

Cas held up a hand in surrender. "Somewhat, Dean. I swear it. I have heard them for years, centuries, in fact. But it was never for certain if they were to come true or not. I thought they were fictions. I did not want to hurt you. After...after you asked me to erase Ben and Lisa's memories of you, I felt certain you did not want a family. I did not mention it because I never want to hurt you."

_Well, way to make a guy feel two feet tall, _Dean thought. "Thanks, Cas. It's been a hell of a day."

"So it would seem. But these prophecies...they have come true. Fascinating. Metatron obviously didn't know."

"Speaking of...where is the little dickweed?"

"Safely held for now while I traveled to see you."

"And you? How are you?"

Cas blew out a breath. "I am weary. But I will live."

"Good. I'm glad. Do you want to rest? You can stay here, you know."

Cas gave him a smile. "No, thank you. I have some business, it seems, in Hell."

"Yeah, that's my kid, too, apparently."

"Gabriel?" Cas chuckled a bit under his breath. "That does sound like my brother. I am quite glad to hear his demise was exaggerated."

"I think everything that kid does is exaggerated."

Cas looked him up and down. "Indeed. You are...you look better."

"Wish I could say the same for you, Cas."

The angel shrugged. "I will be better when I can see Gabriel for myself and ask him a few questions. If he is truly Gabriel, and I do not doubt that he is, he will need to come and help restore Heaven as well."

Dean winced. "I'm not sure he'd be into that, Cas. He didn't come here to take over, I don't think. I think he just came to fix some shit."

"I see. Well, I will help him with his task. Look after yourself, Dean. I will see you soon. And your family, too, I suspect."

Dean blinked as he watched Cas walk down the hall. Cas looked tired. So was Dean. They'd fought one hell of a war lately. Maybe it was time to just...rest. He felt exhausted all of a sudden and stumbled blindly back to the bed. He barely remembered spooning against Ryan, sharing the small bed, but he did remember the smell of her as she turned and wrapped her arm around his waist, and he did remember the taste of her skin as he brushed a kiss to her forehead.

The next time he woke, it was to a buzzing sound. Her phone was lying on the bedside table. She made a whimpering sound in her sleep but didn't move as he reached over to see it. It was a text message from Sam; "Ryan, Hope gave me your number. She misses Bobby so I'm taking her home. You and Dean take some time to be alone at the bunker. Figure stuff out. I'm sure I can handle things with my niece and nephew for a few days. Sam"

He then heard a buzzing from his pants and figured Sam had texted him, too. He slid from the bed and walked to his jeans, digging his phone out of his pocket. Yep, it was from Sam. Short, sweet, and to the point; "That woman and these kids are the best damn thing that ever happened to you. Remember that. You two sit down and act like adults. Talk, for God's sake. Do...whatever it takes to realize you two need to stay together. Figure it out."

Dean smiled. He hadn't figured it all out, but he knew he loved Ryan. How, he wasn't sure. Love wasn't something he'd ever felt before. Sure, he remembered feeling things for Cassie, for Lisa, but this...it was confusing. He remembered what he'd written after he'd come back from South Dakota...odd that The Mark would let him feel anything, but he supposed love was stronger than even evil, wasn't it? He loved her then, had always loved her. He just had never put the puzzle pieces together. He laid back down and grinned as she moved closer to him, as if sensing him in her sleep. He didn't need Sam telling him what to do. He was determined to make it work. Whatever it took. With that grim determination, he drifted back off to sleep.

The next time he woke, he breathed in her scent, the wonderful smell of honeysuckle. She had turned over and he was spooning her once again. He wrapped his arm tighter around her waste, his thumb finding one of her nipples. He heard her sharp intake of breath and a low moan as her legs shifted. He kissed her shoulder, then kissed the shell of her ear. "Good Morning," he breathed.

He felt, rather than heard her chuckle. "It's like, nine o'clock at night. I think we got our days and nights screwed up."

He smiled as she turned over to face him. "Well, then, good evening?"

She smiled brilliantly. "Good evening, my dear. And what is on the agenda for the night?"

He pulled her closer and her thigh brushed his growing erection. "I can think of a few things..." He leaned down to kiss her when her eyes grew wide, she turned an odd shade of green, and she all but jumped from the bed, running to the bathroom.

He winced as he heard her retch and he was up in a flash, slipping into his jeans. "Ryan?"

She let out a moan and he grabbed the sheet from the bed as he walked in. She was sitting back on her heels at the toilet. He heard it flush, but she didn't move. "Ry?"

She held up a hand. "Just...gimme a minute..."

"Are you sick?"

She lifted her head and he was glad to see a little bit of color returning to her cheeks. "Morning sickness."

"It's nine o'clock at night!"

She wrinkled her nose as she stood on shaky legs and made her way to the sink. She splashed some water on her face and then scooped some in her hand and swished it around her mouth before she delicately spit. "Morning sickness happens whenever it wants. But in this case...I haven't eaten in like, twelve, fifteen hours maybe longer...I get sick if I don't eat."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.

She shrugged. "We were kind of busy, Dean."

He walked over and scooped her up, causing her to squeal. "Dean! Damn it! Put me down!"

"No, you stubborn ass. You lay in bed and I'll bring you something. Can you eat some crackers? Toast?"

She smiled softly. "Yeah. That'll be fine. Let me get that down, then I can graduate to something a little more solid. This ain't my first rodeo..."

"Yeah? Well, it's mine, so, let me take care of you, okay?" he all but whispered.

She licked her lips and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. I wish you'd let me go brush my teeth though..."

He sat her back on the bed and covered her up. "If those legs stop shaking, you can get up and brush your teeth, but I wish you'd stay in bed until I get back."

A stricken look crossed her face and she swallowed hard before nodding. "That's...probably a good idea. The thought of the mint in the toothpaste..." she trailed off and he could tell she was trying hard not to puke again.

He snagged the trashcan next to the desk and brought it to her side of the bed. "Rest. I'll be right back, okay?"

She nodded softly and closed her eyes. He glanced at her for just a second more before he hurried to the kitchen.

A glance around the room showed someone had gotten groceries. He opened the refrigerator and spied a big bowl with a lid on it. Curiosity got the better of him and he lifted the lid, sniffing it. His stomach growled, loudly, reminding him it had been days since he had eaten. "Tomato Rice Soup?" he stated as he pulled the bowl out. He would grab Ryan's crackers, then come back here and get himself a bowl...

"I can heat that up for you."

"Damn it, Ryan," he growled as he turned around. She was wearing his tee-shirt. Not that he didn't like the look, but... "You're supposed to be in bed."

"I'm pregnant, Dean, not dying. I just need a few crackers in my system and I'm good to go." He glanced at her warily. Her lips quirked as she crossed her arms. "I swear, I'm fine, sweetheart."

"You're sure?"

She nodded as she walked over to him and grabbed the box of saltines. "See?" she said around her first bite, "I'm feeling better already."

He wasn't so sure, but he knew morning sickness was normal, even if he'd never been around anyone pregnant before, well, except his mom, and that had been so many years ago, and he'd been just a kid. He didn't really remember it very well. He eyed her once more. "You going to be okay if I heat up some of this soup?"

He watched her think a moment, as if contemplating the question, before she nodded with a smile. "Yeah. I wouldn't mind some myself."

"Just like that?"

She nodded once more. "Just like that. This time, it's much better."

He walked over to the stove and grabbed a pot, dumping the contents of the bowl into it. "Tell me about them? The pregnancies?"

He saw her sit out of the corner of his eye and nibble on another cracker. "With Hope, I was terrified of everything. I drove my doctors batshit crazy because I would call in with everything. I swore something was wrong with me every single day. I knew something would happen, something was wrong, I wasn't lucky enough to have a pregnancy without complications...then, I had Hope. And she was the most perfect baby girl in existence. Seven pounds, fourteen ounces of perfection. My little chunky monkey."

"You said the morning sickness was bad?"

Her nose curled. "It was terrible. For the first six months, all I did was puke. Once, twice, sometimes three times a day. Smells usually set me off. I lost more weight than I gained. Now, with Bobby, it was thinking of things. In the beginning, it's always the worst. My symptoms are always the same; nausea and dizziness. I remember the first time I had an inkling I was pregnant with Bobby, Tory and Andy were over and they were talking about a shapeshifter they'd killed. They started talking about his lair and I lost it. That was when I knew. Two days later, I took a test, and, bam! Pregnant."

"Everything went well with him?" Dean inquired as he stirred the now bubbling soup.

She stood and walked to the refrigerator where she grabbed a caffeine free soda. Clearly they had been bought for her. They didn't keep any of that crap in their fridge. She opened it and took a sip. "I don't usually drink soda, but it settles my stomach," she told him in way of explanation. She took another sip, sat down the can, and said, "Everything went well enough with Bobby until the night he was born."

"What happened?"

She shivered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "Ryan?"

"A werewolf..."

Dean's eyes grew wide. "The one Hope killed? You were pregnant?!"

She nodded. "Yeah, I was. He was born premature. He was tiny, but not extremely so. The doctor was amazed he did as well as he did. He said it was supernatural." She chuckled flatly. "I guess he was right. Bobby was an angel and I didn't even know it."

She grew quiet at that and he looked at her a moment. "What?"

She shook her head. "Gabriel said he was part vampire. But I tested Bobby. I wondered, myself. His blood doesn't react to dead man's blood, he isn't sensitive to anything, sunlight doesn't bother him..."

"Well, he's an angel, right? So maybe he just has the angel juice keeping the vampire side at bay."

"This is crazy," she muttered.

Dean snorted. "You think it's crazy for you? Try finding all this out while you were lying dead and being pieced back together by your angel kid."

Ryan looked at him. "I know this is a lot for you to digest, but I'm not doing great with it myself, okay?"

His eyes narrowed and he almost opened his mouth to start an argument when he saw a tear spill out onto her cheek as she took another bite of cracker. "Damn it," he growled under his breath. He sucked in a breath. Making her cry only made him look like a douche. It came down to one fact; could he forgive her for all her lies? If he could, and he could move on from it, then they stood a shot at this...whatever the hell it was. But if he couldn't, then this wouldn't get very far.

He thought of his kids. He wanted to know them. He knew Ryan would never keep him from them. Not now. But was that what he wanted? Did he want to be a weekend dad? Like those poor saps that were divorced that only got to see their kids on the weekends and maybe for a week or two in the summer? Hell no. If he was going to be in, he was going to be all in. He wanted the whole fucking package. And that package included the woman in the room with him. He could have her, too. All he had to do was put aside this one infraction. Granted, it was a doozy, but that was what it would take.

He glanced at the pot he was stirring. "Soup's on."

She gave him a halfhearted smile and handed him two bowls. He poured the soup into the bowls and they took their food back to the table. Ryan was quiet as he took his first bite. He closed his eyes as the tastes exploded on his tongue. This...this tasted just like his mom's soup. He'd never managed to figure out what caused that particular flavor. It made everything just pop and meld and he moaned in ecstasy.

He heard a giggle across the table and he opened his eyes. "Are you making fun of me?"

She shook her head, but her smile remained. "I love watching you eat, Dean."

"Me? Why?"

"Because, you enjoy everything. You eat fast if you have to, but even then, you savor the flavor. You love food. As a cook, I like seeing that."

He grinned, but sobered as he took another bite. "How do you make this? It tastes just like Mom's. I could never manage to duplicate it."

"The secret is the garlic. Too much, it overpowers the tomato, too little, and it just tastes like tomatoes. After a decade or so of making it, I've perfected the recipe. I haven't tweaked it, though I've wanted to. I think it would be awesome with some cheese, maybe try using brown rice, or wild rice, to up the flavor...but I've respected Mary's recipe. I have my mom's recipe book. This one...it's written in Mary's handwriting. I took all of the handwritten recipes and copied them down on the computer and printed them. These special ones are saved in a scrapbook."

He just looked at her. "How is it you're real?"

She shrugged. "I, uh, I'm not perfect, Dean. I'm the farthest thing from it...but I think, when a person is marked as a soul mate, they evolve to be perfect for the other person." She paused, then, "I know you're perfect for me."

At that, he guffawed. "Seriously? I'm so fucked up, Ryan...I'm poison, you know that, right?"

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "You're not poison. And even if you were? I'm the antidote. We...we're a team, Dean. We are meant to be. If..." she sucked in a breath. "If that isn't what you want, of course, I'll respect it, but I think there is a reason we are the way we are, just like there is a reason Gabriel came to me. I don't have all the answers, but I have the faith."

"The faith I lack."

Her eyes narrowed in thought before she nodded. "Yeah. Exactly." She removed her hand from his and he missed it immediately. She put her hands in her lap and looked down at them. "Remember that night, in college?"

"How could I forget?"

She looked back up at him then. "I didn't need a bumbling virgin, Dean. I needed someone who knew how to touch me, how to..." she looked away, suddenly fascinated by the wall. "I needed you and your experience. You gave me that. It's you, Dean Winchester. It's always been you."

He nodded in understanding. In realization. "The vampire case...I was hurting. You knew not to push me. You just...you were there for me," he told her.

Their eyes met. "We aren't perfect, Dean, neither of us. But I kinda think we might be perfect for each other."

He was beginning to wonder the same thing. "Sam texted me."

She nodded. "Me too. He took Hope home. Said for us to have a few days together."

"You wanna spend a few days with me?"

She smiled. "I think I'd like that."

"Me too."

The rest of the meal was spent in companionable silence and they worked side-by-side cleaning up the few dishes before he grabbed her hand and led her down the hall. "Would you stay? With me, I mean? My bed is a lot more comfortable than yours."

"It's still a small bed, Dean."

"I don't want you sleeping in another room," he told her, not realizing he had spoken.

She giggled and reached up on tip-toe to kiss his lips. "I'll go grab my phone and meet you back in your room then."

They spent the next two days getting to know one another. They had sex, sure, made love, actually, but they also talked. About everything. Favorite music. Movies. Foods. She told him anything and everything about the kids, about herself, as she'd said, her life was an open book for him. All he had to do was ask. And he did. He talked more in those two days than he had in the past two years, he believed. The future wasn't mentioned as they worked from their pasts to their present. He opened up to her and answered all of her questions, not with clipped responses, but detailed answers and thoughtfulness. He let her see him, all of him, just as she showed him all of her.

He liked them being alone in the bunker like this. It gave him ideas and visions he wasn't sure what to do with. But they had this little…vacation, for lack of a better word, and he was going to use it to the fullest of his abilities.

He also took care of her. As long as she ate something every few hours, the morning sickness was kept at bay. So, he would slip out of bed and get them a snack, or he would remind her to grab something. He liked taking care of her, and she seemed to enjoy it, too.

He took her on a tour of the bunker, showing her around. She had some of Gabriel's memories, just like he did, but there were still things about the bunker she didn't know, and some things he didn't, as well. She told him about the blood magick, how he could open the door with his blood and he tried it, with her on the other side, and marveled at it. They didn't leave, though. They were content staying right where they were.

So, when he woke up on the third day, and she wasn't in bed, he stood and slipped into his sweatpants and tee, walking barefoot down the hall, figuring she was in the kitchen. Sure enough, he heard music coming from that direction and his nose caught the smell of sausage cooking. He peeked around the corner and he watched in fascination as Ryan's ass moved in time to the music from her iPod sitting on the countertop as she put small patties of cooked sausage in a jar. She poured the grease on top of it and twisted on the lid before she flipped the jar upside down. He contemplated making a smart ass comment about her being barefoot and pregnant, but appreciating the fact his balls were attached to his body, let that one go. He couldn't, however, help himself as he came up behind her and licked her neck. "What are you doing?"

"Canning you some sausage to keep here in the bunker. I've got a few other things I can do like this that will keep for a while."

"How…industrious of you," he murmured into her neck.

She giggled. "I've got two more pounds to go."

Just then, Bad Company's "Holy Water" came on and he moaned lightly. This song seemed custom made for them.

_**In my life, there's been changes  
But nothing seems to satisfy me the way you do, no  
You make it easy, the way you please me  
When ever I get close to you  
All this temptation, I can't see wrong from right  
It's a new sensation, you know I'm blinded by the light**_

"You planning on keeping me fat and happy, woman?"

He saw her bite her lip. "I can't stay here, you know. You'll need something for when I go back to South Dakota…"

He didn't want to think about that, so, he refused. Instead, he turned her and sat her up on the countertop.

"Dean…"

_**Feels like I'm walking on holy water  
Feels like I'm walking on sacred ground, baby, yeah  
Feels like, you know that I've been walking on holy water  
Every time that you come 'round, yeah**_

"Shhh, just let me have you," he muttered as his hands moved to her thighs. She was wearing another of his tees, but had on a pair of impossibly short cotton shorts. She allowed him to pull them off her, as well as her panties, and she squealed at the cold stainless steel countertop as it hit her ass.

_**You were all I ever wanted  
I never had a girl in my life till I met you, darlin', hey  
Got a certain feeling, you got my senses reeling, yeah  
Whenever I get close to you**_

He grinned and her hands found their way to his waistband and she pushed down his pants, revealing his hardness. "Fuck," he muttered as she gripped him tightly and guided him where he most wanted to be.

_**You're my salvation  
I found you just in time  
You're my one temptation,  
You know I can't believe you're mine**_

He couldn't get enough of this woman. What was it about her? They were soul mates, he believed that without a shadow of a doubt. But what would become of them? What were they going to do? How was this going to work? Did it even matter? At this point, buried deep within her, as she came around him, her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips fused with his, he was having a hard time imagining not being with her every day for the rest of his life. And wouldn't that just suck? They got a redo, but he didn't know what that meant, where they were supposed to go. But it didn't matter. Not right now. They had a few days to figure it out. They would figure it all out, somehow.

* * *

"My God," Ryan murmured, panting, as she leaned back against the wall. They'd managed to end up on the floor of the kitchen.

Dean blew out a breath as he leaned against her. "Tell me about it."

"Are you hungry?"

He glanced at her and smirked. "Are you?"

"I'm pregnant, Dean. I'm always hungry. Unless I'm throwing up. Then, as soon as I finish, I'm hungry again." She glanced at him as he yawned. "We need to get you back to bed."

"I'm not..." he yawned again. "Tired."

Her eyebrow rose. "Me thinks thou doth protesteth too much."

"Okay, Shakespeare, knock it off. I'm a little tired, okay? But in my defense, you can't keep your hands off me."

Her mouth fell open before an evil smirk lit its way across her face. She moved so she was straddling him and touched his face gently. "Pregnancy hormones. I'm horny. Sue me."

"I like you this hungry for me, Ryan."

She smiled and kissed his lips. "I'm always hungry for you, Dean." She pulled away and stood. "Come on. Let's go back to bed."

He let out another yawn. "Don't know why I'm so tired..."

"Gee, could it be because you were dead a few days ago?"

He shrugged. "Maybe?"

She shook her head. "I remember Gabriel said the angel blood will make you really tired until your body absorbs it all. So you're going to have to rest more. I guess I need to let you sleep..."

He pulled her to him again. "No. I can sleep when I'm dead and finally gone. I don't want to miss a minute with you. I'm fine."

She reached up and took his face in her hand again. "Let me take care of you, Dean. Please?"

"I'm not used to being the patient."

"Well, I'm ordering you to rest a little bit."

He sat at the table again. "Yes ma'am."

She patted his head like one would a dog. "Good boy."

"Woof," he barked.

She shot him a look and walked to the stove, pulling something out of the oven. The smell hit him and his stomach growled, loudly. "What is that?"

"Breakfast casserole. I've had it on low until you woke up."

"How long have you been awake?"

"A few hours."

"And you let me sleep?"

She nodded as she plated two servings and sat them on the table. "I got up, read a little...checked in with the kids..." she smirked. "Apparently Jody gave Sam a crash course on babysitting. Word is, Bobby's peed on him twice, dumped an entire box of Cheerios into the couch and refused to go to bed. Kids sense weakness and Sam has no clue about what he's doing. Jody's helping though."

"You miss them."

"Terribly," she admitted. "But I'm enjoying the hell out of being here with you."

He thought a moment as she handed him a fork and he dug into the casserole with a hum of appreciation. "This is amazing."

"It's Hope's favorite. I whipped it together last night after you went to sleep. Then this morning, all I had to do was pop it in the oven."

"You're a goddess in the kitchen. In the bedroom. Out on a hunt. Is there anything you can't do, Ryan?"

She grinned. "I'm sure I can think of something if you give me a few minutes."

"Modest, too, I see," he murmured, causing her to giggle.

They finished eating and made their way back to bed. "I know you're not sleepy," he began as she snuggled into his side.

"But you are," she countered. "Rest. For just a bit."

"Can't...stay awake...did you drug me?"

She chortled. "Why would I do that, when the angel blood is doing it for me? Rest, Dean. I'll be here when you wake up."

He felt her kiss him, but then he was out.

The next time he woke, she wasn't in bed, which didn't surprise him. Even knocked up, she obviously didn't need as much sleep as his body seemed to think he did. He stood, stretched, then went to find her. She was sitting much like Sam would in the war room, hunched over her laptop, talking on her phone, which she must have had on speaker, because he heard a woman's voice say, "Sup, Ryan? I've got a guy by the balls...literally. He's tied up at the moment with a cock ring on."

"Please. I so don't need to know about your bedroom activities." She took in a breath. "Look, Tor, I need to tell you a few things. But first, I found a case..."

"But...I want to be there next weekend..."

"I know, I know you want to be there. That's why I hated to call and ask you. But if you gank this skinwalker, you'll be back in plenty of time..."

"You can't do it?"

"No, I've got some personal stuff now. I'll tell you everything. I promise. Besides, I need to come clean."

"You did it, didn't you, you bitch? You finally got yourself a man!" And then she started doing some weird song about Ryan getting laid. Dean had to stifle his laughter.

Ryan smiled. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do and I am. I swear, do you have built in radar? I'm getting laid. Thank you, Tory." She rolled her eyes. "I've gotta call Andy. You want help on the case?"

"Nah, I'm good. Neil can go with me." Dean heard the man from what sounded far off and realized it was Neil Fedder...one of their hunting acquaintances.

Ryan smirked. "Hi, Neil!" she shouted. "Take me off speaker." She waited a moment then said, "Really, Tory? You hooked up with Neil?!"

"What? He's a decent lay. Doesn't know shit about subbing, but, eh, he's a nice ride."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "You are the biggest whore I know."

"Well, you're the biggest shrew, so..."

Dean heard Ryan chuckle. "Okay. I'll see ya next Saturday. If you make it earlier, come on up. I'll be home by then."

"You mean you're not home?" Tory squeaked.

"No. I'm not home right now."

"Oh! Little girl hooked up while on a hunt!"

Ryan shook her head at her phone. "No, not a hunt..."

"You mean...you're out on a booty call! I love it! Who is it? Tell me more! I need deets, girl!"

Ryan sat back and rubbed her face. "For fuck's sake, Tor! I've had sex so much this week I'm almost too sore to sit. Is that what you wanted to hear?!"

"Oh holy fuck, yes! That's exactly what I wanted to hear!"

She giggled. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"So...you sound happy. Is this a romance thing, or did he just remove the stick from your ass?"

Ryan narrowed her eyes. "No, he hasn't removed the stick out of my ass. We haven't moved on to anal play."

Dean's mouth fell open and she glanced up in time to see the expression on his face. She blushed, just slightly. "Listen...I gotta go..."

"Is he there? Lemme talk to him."

"No!"

"Please?!"

Ryan sighed. "Fine." She smiled at him. "Tory says thank you for screwing me because I've needed the 'D' for a while now."

Dean chuckled at that. "Trust me, it's been my pleasure."

"Did you hear that, Tor?"

"Holy shit...Dean Winchester. I would know that Godiva Chocolate voice anywhere. I knew it! I fucking knew it! Andy owes me a Benjamin. I KNEW it was Dean!"

Ryan winked at him. "Dean, huh? It could have been Sam."

Dean's eyes narrowed at the thought of his brother being with Ryan instead of him. He didn't like thinking about that. Tory must have agreed with him. "Nah, Dean's your type. I'm crushed, though...I thought..."

"I knew what you thought. You and your OTP will just have to deal with it."

He heard Tory sigh. "And just like that, my ship is sunk with canon. Fine. I'll see you Saturday. Have fun, and, uh, don't do anything I wouldn't do! Love ya!"

Ryan smiled and shook her head. "Yeah, yeah, I love you, too. Bye!" She punched a button on the phone and tossed it on the table. "You know...I miss the satisfaction of flipping a phone shut."

"I feel your pain." There were quite a few comments he could make about the conversation he'd just heard, however, one thing stuck in his head... "Anal play?"

She winced. "Tory...she's very...adventurous in the bedroom. She has told me shit that would turn your hair white. You really don't want to know."

"But..."

She glanced up at him. "Yes?"

He contemplated asking her if she would be into that, then, decided, when the time was right, they'd discuss doing anything kinky. Right now, vanilla sex was working for him. He'd go with that. He decided he'd broach the subject of the phone call later. Right now he was interested in the hunt. He walked over to her and glanced over her shoulder. "Skin walker?"

She looked back at the computer screen nodded. "Tory can handle it. I've got to get someone out on a Vetala sighting then I'm done." She glanced at him. "You can't go. I want you resting at least another week before you hit the hunts, understand?"

"Yes ma'am," he stated with a mock salute.

"Smart ass," she murmured as she picked up the phone again. This time, he noticed, she didn't put it on speaker. Interesting. "Andy! How's it going?"

Dean sat across from her and watched as she worked, speaking to this Andy guy. Apparently they were pretty close friends because Andy started quizzing her about where she was. And apparently, just like Tory, this guy wanted to know about her sex life. That made Dean growl. He'd met Tory...at least, he was pretty sure it was Tory Allard. There probably weren't that many Tory's out hunting. And he knew Allard was a girl. This Andy guy was a little too familiar with his woman. Especially when Ryan ended the call with, "Love ya, babe," and hung up.

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Who was that?"

"Andy Blackwell. Vetalas aren't Andy's usual thing, but since Gabriel is handling the demons for a while, I figured..." she shrugged and stood. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"I've never heard of this Blackwell character."

She smirked. "Andy...keeps a low profile."

"Why? How well do you really know this person? What's this Andy got to hide? You sound awfully familiar. And then with the love ya comment...Were you two a thing?" he growled.

Her mouth fell open. "Dean, I swear, that kiss meant nothing. It was just to get some dumbass to leave me alone in a bar..."

"You kissed Andy?!"

"Not my proudest moment, I know, but in my defense, Andy was the one that kissed me. I just went along with it." He crossed his arms and her eyes narrowed, then widened in understanding. "You're jealous? Of Andy?"

"Hell yes, okay? You tell some guy you love him and..." She started laughing and couldn't stop. "Is this funny?"

She bit her lip and managed to control her laughter. "Dean, Andy is short for Andrea. She's a girl. One of the best demon hunters I know."

"A girl? Andy's a chick?"

She nodded. "Yeah. She is."

"You kissed a girl?"

She smirked. "Well, yeah, but as I said...just to get some dumbass off my case..."

He filed that information away for later. "So, if she's one of the best demon hunters you know...why haven't I heard of her?"

Ryan sobered. "She's afraid of you. Of Sam."

"Us? Why?"

Ryan licked her lips. "Because...because of what she looks like."

"What? She some kind of troll? Looks aren't the most important thing in the world, Ryan. I mean, seriously. I'm not that vain and I know Sam isn't..."

She shook her head. "That's not it. No, Andy's...she's gorgeous. Thick black hair, big brown eyes, creamy skin..." She paused, "Ruby red lips...she's beautiful. But that's not why she's staying away from you..."

"Look, I wouldn't bang her. I mean, I probably would have tried..."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Honestly. She's afraid you'd kill her on the spot, alright?"

"Why? What aren't you telling me?"

She blew out a breath. "I met Andy a few years ago. She met Garth, who put us in touch. She was looking into some strange things that happened to her sister. It was...supernatural. It was a demon."

Dean winced. "Ouch."

Ryan nodded. "But that isn't the worst part...her sister had been in a car wreck and wound up brain dead in a coma. They pulled the plug and her sister woke up shortly before she disappeared..."

Dean blinked. "Ryan..."

"It was her twin sister."

"Ryan..." He put two and two together and came up with, "Andy is Ruby's meatsuit's twin sister?!"

Ryan grimaced. "Yeah."

"And you're...friends with her?! Do you let my kids around her? How do you know she's on the up-and-up?"

Ryan's eyes grew wide as she shoved her chair back as she stood. "Excuse me?"

"What? Is it so impossible that Ruby found her way back alive? We don't know where demons go when we kill them with the demon killing knife. Where do they go? Hell? And if so, isn't it possible she could find a way out? Out of Hell? Maybe she's trying to use you to get to me, to Sam! Did that ever occur to you?! She could be getting ready to hurt you, Ryan! Use some common sense! She can't hurt my kids! I won't allow it."

Ryan's jaw ticked. "Look. I'm going to let this slide, because you're a passionate person and I love that about you and you hate Ruby and everything she stands for because of the way she fucked Sam over with Lilith and the whole Apocalypse thing. But if you question my judgment as a mother one more time, I'm going to beat your ass. You've been t father for three days. I've been their mom for almost eleven years!"

"And whose fault is that?!" Dean roared. "You shut me out of their life, Ryan!"

"I didn't have a choice!"

"You always had a choice. Free will, remember? You could have told me..."

"And what?!" she cried. "What then?" she added a little softer. "How would that have changed everything? Forget, just for one minute, that there were lies involved in this. Think of what had to happen, how the stars had to align for this, Dean! Hope was an angel. Great. I had her. But the other two...Bobby and Jon needed to be created. There was never a time I could tell you. God knows I wanted to..." she took in a stuttering breath. "That Rawhead...it almost got Hope. I picked up the phone so many times to call you, to plead for you to come help me hunt the son of a bitch. It almost got your daughter! But I couldn't. You were out. You were...you were happy. You had a family. I couldn't do that."

Dean sucked in a breath. "It almost hurt Hope?"

She nodded. "And then, the werewolf...when Bobby was born. I wanted to call you then, but you were gone...the Gospel...it just said you and Cas vanished when you killed Dick Roman...Sam wasn't answering my calls...I was alone. Again."

He blinked. "Purgatory. We were stuck in Purgatory."

She nodded. "I know. I read that, too, as soon as you came back, the Gospels started coming to me again."

He remembered hearing Ryan mention them to Sam, while he was dead, asleep, whatever. "You knew. You know everything."

"Up until the angels fell," she replied softly. "After that, I don't...I only know what you or Sam have told me."

He waited for the sting of betrayal, but all he felt was bone-deep weariness. "Sam tell you how I screwed him over by having an angel possess him?"

She sucked in a breath. "He told me you did something...he didn't say what. I asked him if you did it to hurt him. When he said no, I told him he needed to let it go. You're a lot of things, Dean Winchester, but you would never, ever do anything to hurt Sam. It's always Sam. You've done nothing but protect him his whole life. You sold your soul for him, for God's sake! He can be pissed at you all he wants, and, yeah, you took away his free will for a time, but other than that..."

He looked down at the floor. "I don't deserve forgiveness. For that, or anything I've done."

"Now you're just being a little bitch," she told him. His eyes came up to meet hers. She sighed. "Dean, you are one of the best men I know. I'm honored to be your soul mate. You're loving. And passionate. You're moral. You have a great sense of humor. And I love you. You have your faults, but all of us do. And your biggest fault is you love too much. But that's not a fault. Not really. You don't give a shit about yourself, only everyone else. Now you need to realize, someone gives a shit about you. Sam does. Cas does. I do..." she finished softly.

"What did I do? How did I manage to be this lucky? How did I end up with you?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. But I think we both need to be pretty damn thankful."

He wrapped his arms around her, picked her up, and sat her on the table. "I need to make love with you, Ryan."

She smiled softly. "Here? Where you work? Where you eat half the time?"

He smirked. "Yeah."

"Kinky son of a bitch. What if Sam comes in? Cas?"

"Sam's in South Dakota. Trust me. He knows me well enough to realize, if you and I are in this bunker, and I have any say in it, your ass is naked. And Cas, well, if Cas pops up, I guess he'll learn a little bit more than what the pizza man taught him."

She giggled. "Well, naked and writhing is better than barefoot and pregnant, I suppose...which, I currently am at the moment..."

He nodded. "Naked and writhing and hungry for my cock sounds much better."

Her mouth fell open and she gasped. "God. Such a beautiful, dirty mouth, Dean..."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, babe," he murmured as he slipped the shirt over her head...


	39. As Long As You're Mine

**Disclaimer: Nope. I still don't own it. But if I did? Poor J2 would never get a break. Because I would want MORE.**

**AN: Hi, guys! Thanks for the reviews last chapter. I can't reply to you because they're all anon but I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Each one gives me the biggest smile on my face and I do a little giggle/happy dance each time one comes in. So, keep them coming! Ya'll make me feel good.**

**So, I'm glad you like where the story has gone! Yes, it's a kind of re-boot, but things happen MUCH differently now! I hope you all hang on, because the story's just revving up again! Side note: If there is anything you'd LIKE to see? Mention it in a review or PM me, okay? I'll try to accommodate it. There is so much story already, but I'd love to give you guys something of what you want as well! Now, let us continue directly where the last one left off...**

* * *

**Dean POV **

They lay naked and sated on top of the giant library-like table in the war room. "I bet those stuffy Men of Letters never imagined their table being used this way," she giggled.

He grinned. "In their wildest dreams, maybe." He rolled to his side and looked at her. She really was beautiful. He bent to kiss her. "Let's go home."

She blinked. "Home...?"

He nodded. "To South Dakota."

She sat up and slipped her shirt on. "You're serious. Now?"

He nodded again as he pulled his pants up his legs. "It's..." he glanced at his watch, "okay, it's kind of late to be starting out, but by the time we shower and dress and hit the road, we could probably be there in the middle of the night. Then we could be there when the kids wake up, right?"

"Are you sure?"

He looked down and was almost shy as he told her, "I want to meet my kids, Ryan."

She grasped his chin and pulled his eyes up to meet hers. "Of course." She grinned. "Sam's probably about to pull that pretty hair out of his head anyway."

Dean smiled at that. "Poor guy."

She slid from the table and glanced at him again. "What do you want, Dean? Seriously. These past few days...they've been wonderful, but I know we were living in a bubble. Now, you want to go back to the real world and I just..." she sucked in a breath and looked down at her toes. He noticed they were painted purple. "I need to know what you want from me."

He thought about that a moment. A bevy of things flew through his head before he settled on, "I don't know." She rolled her eyes and shot him a look, causing him to grin. "You asked. Seriously, Ryan, I don't know. I love you, I think. No, I know that. I do love you. And I want to get to know the kids. You're having another one. I don't want to be one of those douchebags that only sees their kids on the weekends."

Her mouth set in a thin line. "I respect that, Dean, but I'm part of that package deal. You want the kids twenty-four/seven, that's great, but I'll be there, too. You...you want to move in with me? What?"

He blew out a breath. "I don't know. Everything I thought I knew is suddenly spinning out of control here, Ryan...I know you're feeling the same, you have to be. But it's worse for me, you have to see that."

"I do," she stated softly as she reached out and grasped his arm. "I know it's tough on you, babe, and I'm trying to be so patient and understanding. But at the same time..." she trailed off and her voice cracked as she added, "At the same time, I'm trying my damnedest to protect my heart here. I know you'll love the kids. That was never an issue. I know, somehow, somewhere, inside you, you'll love me. But loving me isn't the same as living with me. What if I drive you crazy? What if you drive me crazy?" She sucked in another breath. "Hope says soul mates are passionate and we are both definitely that. What if we find we can't live together?" Her voice was softer as she added, "What if I'm not enough for you?"

"Hey," he began as he gathered her in his arms. "What would ever make you think that?"

She looked up and he hated seeing the tears in her eyes. "I'm nothing special, Dean. I'm...I'm damaged goods. I've been with one guy; you. What if I can't satisfy you?"

"Sex? You're talking about sex? I'm worried about screwing up the kids lives and you're worried about our bedroom activities?" He glanced at the clothes strewn around the work space and the books tossed onto the floor, papers littering the space. "I'm pretty sure our sex life is just fine, Ryan."

"But...you've had so much experience. You're...what if I'm too plain for you? Tory always tells me stories..."

"Okay, first off, I'm not Tory. Apparently she's a little freak." That got a smile out of Ryan. Dean grinned, too. "And second, I'm not as wild and crazy as you think I am. Sure, there are some things I'd like to try, but if I never did them, but I got you for the rest of my life? I'd call that a win. You aren't a deal-breaker, Ryan. You're the icing on top."

Her lip quirked. "I thought you liked pie."

He shrugged. "I've not been one to turn down a cake if it was sitting there. Especially if the icing is awesome."

"You should try my chocolate icing. It's the best."

He let out a rather unmanly whimper. "Don't tease me, woman."

She giggled. "I'll make it for Bobby's birthday in a few weeks."

"That's right...it's almost his third birthday."

She nodded. "Want to go home with me, celebrate?"

"More than anything," he replied.

"Great. Let's go. But first...we need a shower."

His eyebrows waggled. "Together? Hell yes."

"We're never getting out of here," she muttered with a smirk on her face.

The shower took a little while. They went to the large shower in the locker room because the little cubicle in her room wasn't big enough for much more than a midget. He washed her hair. She washed his. Then, well, things got interesting. He would never demand she suck him off, but when she knelt down to wash his feet, (which was kind of a turn on anyway) she didn't give him a choice as she attacked him with her mouth, taking him to the point of no return mercilessly. After that, he felt honor bound to return the favor, and besides, he really wanted to taste her. So, he picked her up and carried her out of the shower, laid her on the locker room bench and devoured her, fucking her with his tongue and fingers until her cries reverberated through the room and she begged him to stop from the over-stimulation.

Now, they were quiet as they gathered their gear, bout dressed in only their underwear. Not uncomfortably so, just both working quickly and in unison, he noticed, even as he appreciated her white bra with the red kiss prints and the panties that matched. She would toss him something across the room, he'd catch it. He would ask for something, and she was already picking it up to hand him. It seemed as though hey were already anticipating what the other would need, kind of like how him and Sammy had done for years.

"I forgot something in the other room," she told him as she walked out.

He got dressed and briefly wondered how it would be to take her out hunting again, once Jon was born and then he saw those long legs of hers encased in a pair of cargo pants as she walked back into the room and his brain short-circuited. "You look like an ad for an army recruitment agency."

She glanced down at her brown tee, olive green pants, and boots. "Fuck off, Winchester. Hope bought me these pants for my birthday and they're very comfortable."

He grinned as he sidled up to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I didn't say it was a bad thing. They're sexy as hell. You've got that 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider' thing going on. And I did love that movie."

Her mouth quirked. "Want me to put my hair in a ponytail braid?"

He swallowed hard. "If you do, we're never making it out of this bunker tonight."

She licked her lips. "We could wait for morning..."

He glanced behind her at his alarm clock. It was closing in on seven o'clock. "We could go to bed now and get up extremely early..."

She smirked and walked out of the room.

"Is that a yes or a no, Ryan?" he called, but she didn't answer him.

He growled under his breath, readjusted not-so-little Dean, which had come back out to play, and continued packing his bag. He had just finished dumping in a couple of pairs of socks when movement at the door caught his attention. He glanced up and his mouth went dry. "Fuck," he muttered.

She had changed into a tight tank top over those pants and had put on a utility belt she must use for hunting, along with her thigh holster. She smiled as she fingered her long braid. "I don't usually do this, but I need more information about the Illuminati..."

His eyes widened momentarily. _Holy shit! She's gonna role-play with me? Fuck yeah!_ He cleared his throat. "And what will you do for information, Lara?"

She sidled up to him and ran a finger down his chest. "Whatever it takes."

He reached out and grasped that braid, pulling it, just slightly, and her head fell back as her neck was exposed. He gave it a little lick before he bit it. "I hope you're ready" he whispered in her ear. "Because what you'll have to do isn't for the faint of heart."

* * *

He awoke to an empty bed. Again. It would concern him if it wasn't for the fact she chose that moment to walk back in, redressed. "You wanted to go home, let's go home, Winchester. I let you sleep while I showered. Again. But come on. Up you get..."

He smirked. He supposed he'd fallen asleep after their little role-playing adventure. Honestly, Dean didn't know why Ryan was worried. His woman was pretty damned eager to do whatever he wanted in bed. No, he didn't think their sex life would turn boring anytime soon. He sat up. "I'm kinda looking forward to seeing the munchkins."

She smiled. "You look like an eager puppy."

He couldn't wipe the grin off his face. "I am. Now move that sweet ass, Ryan."

She giggled and walked back out of the room, calling behind her, "This sweet ass is waiting on you."

"Then you're standing still because I'm ready!"

Her throaty chuckle was her only reply.

He redressed quickly enough, snagged up his bag, and walked to her room where she was picking up her own bag. She winked at him and joined him as they headed toward the garage. "Damn," he muttered as they walked down the hall.

Ryan stopped beside him. "What?"

"Sam took my baby."

She giggled. "Well, he took two of them, technically. Come on. You can ride with me in Demon."

"You know, I still don't know how you can handle calling your car that."

She paused a moment before her hand drifted down to her stomach. "We can't be prejudiced, Dean. Not now. Our son, whether we like it or not, is a demon. We have to love him, no matter what."

"We will, Ryan. I promise. I just...I don't know how you stand it. You're terrified of demons."

She seemed to mull that over before she said, "I have reason to be. So do you. But we stow it and deal with it, right? So, that's what I'm doing."

"You're amazing, you know that, right?"

She smiled softly. "Keep telling me that, I might start to believe it."

They made their way to the garage and Dean smiled. "She looks like she belongs here," he commented as he ran a hand over the hood.

Ryan grinned. "Yeah, she does, doesn't she?" She tossed her bag in the backseat and looked over the car at him. "Ready?"

He slid into the passenger seat. "I was born ready."

She shook her head and climbed in. "Alright. Let's go home."

She drove to the end of the dirt road and turned. "Ryan...uh...this isn't the way to head...

She blinked. "I know. It isn't. But..."

"Ryan? You okay?"

She bit her lip. "Yeah. Just...go with it, okay?"

He shook his head. "Alright."

They drove a few minutes until she gasped. "There it is."

He followed her line of vision to a large house with a For Sale sign in the yard. "Son of a bitch."

"It's our house."

It was. It was the house Dean had seen countless times in the memories Gabriel had given him. He remembered a snowball fight in that front yard. Drinking eggnog on the front porch while the boys tossed out food for Santa's reindeer, remembered being caught making out with Ryan on the porch swing...

He blinked as he heard Ryan's car door slam. He was up in a flash, following her. "What are you doing?"

"Going to check it out."

"Ryan, uh, it's the middle of the night. The neighbors will call the cops."

"So? Let them. This is my house, Dean."

"Not yet."

"It will be by the time I call the realtor in the morning," she mused as she stored the number on the For Sale sign in her phone.

"Ryan, stop. Wait."

"What?" She turned to face him.

"You buy this house, you know what that means, right? It means you move here."

"We can't live in South Dakota, Dean. Your work is at the bunker. We have to live here if you're going to continue hunting and being a Man of Letters..."

He smiled. "Do you realize you're planning for our future right now?"

She gasped and her hands flew to her mouth. They stared at one another for a moment. "But it feels right, right?" she finally asked.

He grin only grew as he nodded. "It feels fan-fucking-tastic."

She giggled and jumped into his arms. He caught her and gave her a quick spin before his mouth fused with hers. He pulled away and said, "Babe, we can't get caught making out on a lawn that isn't technically ours yet."

She smirked. "Alright. Let's go back to South Dakota. We'll have to tell the kids and Sam."

"Sam..." it wasn't the first time he'd thought about his brother, but it was the first time it had occurred to him how this would change Sam's life.

"What?"

"This is going to change everything."

"But not for the bad." She smiled. "Besides, once he meets his lucky lady, it all balances out."

Dean's brow furrowed. "His lucky lady?"

She smirked. "Yeah. I got the inside track on his soul mate."

"Gabriel told you?"

She shrugged. "Not in so many words, but I've got a few ideas. I know her."

"It isn't Tory, is it?"

She laughed throatily. "No. Sam isn't submissive enough for Tory."

"I don't know how you know that nor do I want to know..."

She smiled. "Come on, tiger, let's hit the road."

"I could drive, you know," Dean commented as he sat in the car once more.

She side eyed him. "You're juiced on angel blood, Dean. You're going to pass out any minute."

"I will not."

She chuckled and turned the radio on. It must have been a double play because Journey's 'Faithfully' went off and 'Wheel in the Sky' came on. "Sure. Keep telling yourself that, sugar."

He crossed his arms as she drove out of town heading north. He stifled a yawn. He would not fall asleep...

He awoke and thought, _damn it_. He really hadn't intended on falling asleep, but that angel blood cocktail was apparently still kicking his ass. He continued to pretend to sleep, though, as he heard her singing softly along with the radio. She must have changed the station at some point because he briefly realized the song. It was from one of the bands Sam used to like. Matchbox Cars or something like that...

_**All day staring at the ceiling**_

_**Making friends with shadows on my wall**_

_**All night hearing voices telling me**_

_**That I should get some sleep **_

_**Because tomorrow might be good for something**_

_**Hold on**_

_**Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown**_

_**And I don't know why**_

_**But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell**_

_**I know right now you can't tell**_

_**But stay a while and maybe then you'll see**_

_**A different side of me**_

_**I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired **_

_**I know right now you don't care**_

_**But soon enough you're gonna think of me**_

_**And how I used to be...me**_

He listened to her sing the whole song and he marveled at her. This girl, woman, well, she was a girl when her whole world was shattered, when everything was taken away from her. And yet, she managed to pull herself up out of all that shit. And sure, an angel might have helped her (because he felt Gabriel, who he could tell loved the hell out of Ryan, had helped her along somehow) but she'd done it all on her own. She wasn't broken, no matter what she thought about herself. She might have a few dints, a few scratches and scars, but she was whole, and he loved her for just being who and what she was.

"You really do have the most beautiful voice," he told her.

She looked over at him. "Good morning, sleeping beauty."

"Ha ha ha," he deadpanned. "Sorry."

She shrugged and yawned. "You needed your rest."

"Was I out long?"

She shook her head. "An hour maybe? We've still got a long way to go."

"What about you? You need some sleep?"

She shook her head and yawned again. "I'm good. I'll nap later."

That was when he noticed... "Damn. Are you hanging meat in here? It's a fucking freezer!"

She chuckled and adjusted the air conditioning. "Sorry. I, uh, I have trouble regulating my temperature when I'm pregnant. I go from cold to hot and back again."

"And right now you're warm?" he commented as he noticed a sheen of sweat on her face. He just barely held in a shiver.

She nodded and chuckled. "Hot as hell."

Any other time, he may have found that comical, but with a half-demon kid cooking in her belly, he failed to find the humor. "Not funny."

"Sorry," she commented, but she had a smile on her face.

"You're good though, right? You're not going to be sick or anything, are you?"

She shook her head. "I'm just hot."

He snickered. "Yeah, you are."

She rolled her eyes and punched the button to turn the cassette on. Soon The Eagles filled the car.

"Seriously?"

She grinned. "The Eagles are awesome, I'll have you know."

He knew. He had an Eagles cassette he listened to sometimes. Usually when Sam was asleep. He told his brother it was soft rock for him to sleep by, but really, Dean just liked listening to it because it made him think of her. "I heard you singing back there, at the bunker, when I was...whatever the hell it was, dead or whatever."

She nodded, keeping an eye on the mirrors as she passed a semi on the interstate. "Yeah?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You know a lot of different songs."

"I love all music. I mean, I don't love bluegrass, but my grandmother did, so I respect the sound of it. It depends on my mood. And I'm fairly mercurial, so...lots of different moods."

He chuckled. "You don't suffer from multiple personalities, do you?"

"That's about the only thing I don't suffer from," she told him flatly.

He winced. "Ryan..."

"Shit, sorry, Dean. I didn't mean it like that. I just..." she blew out a breath. "I don't think you realize what you're getting yourself into. I'm depressed. Clinically depressed. I have been...since I was a child. I have good days and bad days. And sometimes, no amount of angel mojo can help. Gabriel experienced it firsthand while he was inside me. He tried, he really did. But it's...sometimes miracles only go so far. Not even angels can help with that all the time."

"I don't care about that, Ryan. You just need to help me, alright? If you need space, I'll give you space. You need a shoulder? I'm your guy. I want to be there for you." He paused. "When did this turn into a Lifetime movie?"

She giggled. "Well, at least you're leading man material, sugar. No, I'm fine for now. It rarely rears its ugly head, but with the hormones, it will be worse. Pregnancies are hard, but totally worth it."

"You don't regret it?" At her raised eyebrow, he added, "Seriously. Forget the fact he's a demon, forget the prophecy crap...do you regret having another one?"

She pondered that a moment. "Honestly? I don't. There were times I wished like hell I could go back and undo it, to go back to that night and turn Gabriel down...but that was usually after I'd read a particularly hard Gospel." She shook her head. "To realize some of the things you and Sam have lived through...no one should go through that."

"Well, at least I've had Sammy. Who have you had, Ryan?"

"I'm fine, Dean. I've had Hope and Bobby Singer. I've had Tory and Andy. Now Bobby 2.0 and Jody. I'm making it." She smiled and reached to grab his hand. "But I'm really glad I've got you and Sam now."

He smiled. He kind of liked the way she automatically included Sammy, like he and Dean were a unit. They used to be. But that shit with Gadreel...well, he wasn't sure they'd be the unit they once were. But he'd try his damnedest to get them back, too.

The song changed and he blinked. "Wait..."

"What?"

"I know this song."

She chortled. "I would hope so. I mean, 'Witchy Woman' may not be one of their biggest hits, but it's catchy."

He shook his head as the memory surfaced. "No. It's a memory..."

Her brows furrowed. "Gabriel didn't give me that one."

He rolled it around in his head a little bit until the details became less fuzzy. "It was you, Tory, and Andy...you were on stage, singing karaoke." He could see them...He knew Allard, but Andy, damn, she really did look like Ruby. He didn't like it. Not one bit.

She chortled. "No surprise. We love karaoke."

He put his hatred for Ruby aside as the memory persisted. "You three sang this song. You took turns. You sang the first verse about Tory..."

Ryan thought a moment. "A restless spirit on an endless flight? Yep, that describes Tory."

"Then the second part Tory sang about Andy."

Ryan nodded. "She drove herself to madness with a silver spoon...yep. Andy's family was rich. So that explains that."

"Then the last one, Andy sang about you."

Ryan listened for a moment and growled, "Son of a bitch. Really? 'She's been sleeping in the devil's bed'? Rude."

Dean laughed. "Well, I think we were together then, so...technically I was the devil at the time, I suppose."

"And it was prophetic, I guess, since I was Lucifer's..."

Dean let out a sound akin to a lion's roar. "No. Damn it, Ryan..."

She shrugged. "What? It's true. Did he give you those memories? Did you see me? I was..." She shook her head. "I understand why Gabriel told me, but it didn't make it any easier. How? How did I get so far gone I let HIM in me?"

"I don't know," Dean spoke softly. "You were a demon."

"So were you. And you didn't murder all our family and friends!"

"Do you know who they all were? I saw a few faces I recognized, but..."

"I saw enough." Her voice was soft and full of pain.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. Gabe shouldn't have..."

"He needed to. He really did. I get it, Dean. I needed to know so I can make it right."

They were silent a few moments and he heard her sniffling. "Are you okay?"

Instead of answering, she just nodded her head. He reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it, being there for her in silence until she figured out if or what she needed to say next. They were silent for a while, but he felt her squeeze his hand, so he assumed that was all she needed for now.

She pulled into a truck stop about a half hour later and they ate breakfast. She seemed to get back to her happy self and she smiled as they finished their meal. "This reminds me of New Orleans," she commented.

He grinned as he sipped his coffee. "Yeah, it kind of does." He smirked. "Want me to do you on the hood? We never did get to that."

She chortled. "I'm good. I think we can wait and not desecrate my sweet ride for now."

"Damn."

"Besides, I really don't want some greasy old truckers seeing my ass."

At that, Dean growled. No, he really didn't want anyone seeing much more of Ryan than what she was showing now, which was not much since she was dressed in hunter gear; flannel shirt, those sexy-ass cargo pants, tank top, boots, no, he didn't want anyone seeing more of her than that. Of course, he knew he was being ridiculous...she would probably wear a dress at some time...he swallowed as his mouth watered thinking of those sexy legs in a dress, maybe a pair of those stockings with the seams up the back, sexy ass heels, a skirt short enough to show off...

"Dean!"

He blinked. "Yeah?"

Her lip quirked and to his surprise, he felt her shoeless foot in his lap, massaging his half-hard cock. He jumped. "You're evil, woman."

She laughed throatily. "You were moaning like a whore, sweetness. I had to stop you before you started jacking off under the table."

He shifted slightly and grasped her foot, rubbing it lightly. Her eyes rolled backward as her head dropped to the back of the booth. "Now who's evil?" she questioned.

He chuckled. "Turnabout is fair play, I've heard."

"Mmm-hmm," she hummed as he massaged her foot and he heard the 'thunk' of her other boot as her other foot found its way into his lap. "I remember how strong those hands are on my feet."

He smiled. "You be good and I'll give you foot massages any time you want."

She opened one eye. "You be good, I'll give you head for them."

He cleared his throat and sat a little straighter as the waitress came up to clear their now empty plates. When she walked away, he looked at Ryan, who was licking her lips. "You ready to head out?"

He nodded and she pulled her feet away, straightening in her seat. "I've gotta pee. Text Sam and let him know where we are. I don't want him shooting us when we walk into my house, okay?"

He nodded and watched her walk away. He patted his pockets and realized he'd left his phone in the car. That was when he'd noticed hers sitting on the table. He snatched it up and quickly scrolled through the text messages to find Sam's name. He typed out a quick text letting his brother know they'd be there in a few hours and he'd forgotten his phone in the car. Nothing big. He was about to close out of the texts when he saw his name on the feed attached to Jody's name. He felt like an ass, but he couldn't help but clicking on it to read what she'd wrote...

Jody: Hey girl! How's it going? Your son is giving his uncle a run for his money.

Ryan: LOL Sounds like my boy.

Jody: So...how is it?

Ryan: Jody! You want sex details?! I'm surprised at you. :P

Jody: Uh, no. I mean, how are things? Spare me the sex stuff. I may not be getting any, but I still don't want to know about yours, okay?

Ryan: It's great. SO great. Like, can't begin to tell you...

Jody: What's going on? Is it for real? Or are you two in heat?

Ryan: At this point? I'd settle for being in heat. But, I don't know...It feels like it's real.

Jody: Does he feel the same? Not trying to bring you down, just curious.

Ryan: I'm protecting my heart as best I can. I know this is a lot for him to take in. Just taking it one day, one step, one moment, at a time.

Jody: That's horseshit and you know it. You're so in love with him you can's see straight.

Ryan: I am, okay? I can't help it. But, hell, if this only lasts until I come back home, it's better than nothing.

Jody: You deserve more than that.

Ryan: I'll take what I can get.

Jody: I'm calling you. Got a few minutes?

Ryan: Dean's asleep. You working?

Jody: I'm on duty, yeah. Give me five. We need to talk, girl.

Dean blinked. It ended there. He was dying to know what else had been said. It was evident Jody had some reservations about him. Well, why not? How could he claim he loved Ryan when he'd just banged the Casa Erotica girl a few months ago? He sat her phone down and was in deep thought when she came back to the booth.

"Did you text Sam?"

"Yeah. Used your phone. Hope that was okay."

She nodded. "Sure." She yawned again. "Sounds good. Let's go."

They walked out to the car and Dean snatched the keys out of Ryan's hand. "Dean!"

He smirked and shook his head. He had a lot to think about. Nothing like the road and his hands on a steering wheel to help him along with that. "My turn. I've wanted to drive this car ever since that day we met you in college. I think now is as good a time as any, don't you?"

She regarded him speculatively. "Are you tired?"

He thought a moment. No, he wasn't tired. He felt good. Really good. Probably the best he'd felt in years, despite the wild ride his thoughts were currently on. "I feel great, Ryan."

She continued to eye him warily. "You sure?"

"Get your ass in the car, babe."

She grinned. "You know, I don't take orders very well. I usually buck them."

He sidled up to her and pulled her close. His mind might have been a mess, but his body was thrumming with need for her. Again. "Is that a fact? Well, maybe I need to spank that ass, make you see reason."

She licked her lips and looked up at him, fire and desire in her eyes. "That so?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe I'd like that," she purred.

_Aaaaand cue erection, _he thought as he cleared his throat. "Maybe I will," he countered as he let her go and moved to the driver's side before he all but fell into the seat. This woman was going to be his undoing. Just when he thought he had the upper hand, that soft innocence would come to the surface, then the sexy little minx would come out to play. Damn. She was going to be the death of him.

She was smiling as she sat down, looking quite pleased with herself.

His eyes narrowed in her direction a moment, but then he focused on the car. It really was a nice ride. It was small, smaller than the Impala, anyway, but it was good. He liked it. And suddenly, he had flashes...him, Bobby, and Jon hunting. The boys were pre-teens, it seemed, laughing at Dean's poor attempt at singing along with a song on the radio. He didn't know where Ryan was...then he felt it, Gabriel's feelings...Ryan had hulked out...she was at home, depressed, refusing anyone or anything. Gabriel was worried she would try to kill herself, he knew Dean was worried, too.

He blinked and heard her giggling. "Come on. I know it's a Ford, but it's not that different from driving the Impala. Can you handle my sweet baby or do I need to drive?"

He shook his head and smiled at her. She was so happy. But he realized...Jon needed to grow and get out of her. The baby was poisoning her with his demon blood that also flowed through her. They needed to get that kid born and get her purified, somehow. Maybe she needed the angel juice, too. He'd have to talk to Gabriel about that. But for now, he was just enjoying her smiling at him.

"I got this," he told her as he cranked the engine, enjoying the sound of her purr. She sounded like she needed a tuneup. He'd have to get under her hood and check her out. He knew Bobby's land still had all the cars on it, knew that while the house had burnt to the ground, the garage was still there. He and Sammy had ridden past there not long ago. Maybe he could take the car over there and grab some of Bobby's old tools. He wouldn't mind taking some of them to the bunker, to be honest. "Let's go and meet my kids." He gunned it and they tore ass out of the parking lot.

* * *

They were quiet, both in their own thoughts as the car ate up the highway, taking them back to her house. He'd thought maybe she would go to sleep, but he could practically hear her thinking. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked suddenly.

She blinked and shrugged. It was pitch black and there were no cars on this stretch of road. "Nothing."

"Liar."

She glanced over at him before she shook her head. "Nah, nothing important."

"You can tell me anything, Ry."

She was quiet for a moment, but he could feel it in the air. He wasn't sure what 'it' was, but he could feel it. She had things on her mind. Was she regretting it? Did she not want him there? Maybe she was mercurial enough that she'd changed her mind. He wouldn't blame her. Maybe he wasn't going to be good for the kids. Or maybe she had decided she needed to guard her heart, like she'd told Jody. Maybe she'd listened to the older woman's advice, had decided to cool it with him. Maybe she didn't want...hell, he wasn't sure what he wanted. She was entitled to feel the same. Of course, that was okay. If she didn't want the same things, it was alright. He wanted them to move to Kansas, he really did. He needed to be around the kids. He was fine where he was. He didn't have to live with them. He could live at the bunker. He loved being at the bunker anyway. Maybe they needed to like, what? Date? How do you date the mother of your children? Hell, he'd never even _been _on a date. "Ryan, spill."

"You don't have you, you know."

"Don't have to what?"

Instead of continuing along the way, sensing they needed to talk face to face, he pulled off onto the side of the road and turned to face her as she spoke. "You don't have to stay, when the dust settles. You're not obligated to me, Dean."

His brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. Just…you don't have to stay with _me_. I mean, sure, you wanna be in the kids lives, that's great. They'll love it. But you don't have to be with _me_, Dean." She chuckled flatly. "You're free now. Free of the demon, free to do whatever the hell you want. I know you. I know you'll need to hop in Baby and take off hunting again. Maybe you'll want to take Hope to tag along with you for a case or two, when she's older. You can pop in and see the boys whenever you want…"

"Ryan, what are you saying?"

She swallowed hard and he must still have had some residual effects from the demon within him because all his senses were heightened. He could easily smell her tears in the air. Or maybe he was just that tuned into her. He wasn't sure how this whole soul thing worked.

"You don't have to stay with _me_, Dean. I'm…I'm damaged and broken and you don't want me forever. It's fine. I get it. I don't get a happily ever after. I know that. I've always known it."

She turned then and exited the car, leaving him in silence for a half a beat before he popped his own door and stood. "Ryan! Would you wait a fucking minute?"

She stopped and leaned against the car. He could see her taking a few deep breaths to try and avoid hyperventilation. "Oh, God, I swore I wouldn't do this. Dean, just…give me a minute, okay? Just…let me process." He stood there helpless as the sobs grew worse and wracked her slim body.

He stood idly by and waited until her shaking subsided and she wiped her face. "Sorry. I just…it's a lot, you know? I keep seeing all those things I did when Lucifer was riding around in my skin and I just…I can't process."

"I get it," he said softly. "I mean, hell, I didn't even _have _a future until a few days ago. Now, I do. Well, sort of, in any case. Without you and the kids, it'll be just more of the same old shit, different fucking day."

She gave a half-hysterical little laugh. "And what do you think raising kids is?"

"Happiness," he replied.

She shook her head and held up a hand to warn him away but he didn't give a shit and wrapped his arms around her as her sobs began anew.

"Hey, it's okay, Ryan. Really. I mean, it's not like I'm a prize. For fuck's sake, I was on my way to becoming a demon. Granted, the king demon, but still."

She let out a little laugh and he pulled away slightly to thumb away the newest tears cascading down her face.

"I want you, Ryan. I meant what I said. What I've been saying. I want you so bad I can taste it. And it isn't just because of the kids, it isn't just because you are part of the reason I'm free…it's you. I fell in love with you that night at Appalachian when you opened yourself to me. It's only grown since then. Every time I think about what we could have had, it pisses me off that we didn't get it."

"Why, then?" she asked before she bit her lip. "No. I can't."

He blinked. "What, Ryan?"

"I…I can't ask you that."

"You can ask me anything. No bullshit about chick flick moments. We need to sort this out. Now, rather than later, I think."

She gave him a little push and he relented as she moved a bit away from him for some air. "Dean…I know everything about you. I read every single Gospel entry. All of them."

"Yeah, and?" he wasn't getting it, he knew he was missing an extremely important point, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what she was asking him.

"Wh-why didn't you come to me? Why didn't…why did you go to _her_?"

He realized exactly what she was talking about. "Lisa."

"Never mind, it's not my place," she began as she moved to open the car door. "Come on. Let's go. It's late and I'm tired…"

He pushed the door, slamming it shut. "No, Ryan. Damn it, you asked me a question, you deserve a fucking answer!"

"Not if it's going to rip my heart out anymore than it's already damaged, Dean!" she shot back.

He didn't know what to say, so he remained quiet as she poured her heart out to him. "I just…I read the Gospels, Dean. Every. Single. Fucking. One. Multiple times. Did you _ever _think about me? You're talking about how you've always loved me, but did it ever occur to you to _call _me? To see what I was doing all those years between being with you? How my life might have changed?"

"You're the one that hid my kids away from me their whole lives!" he growled.

"I didn't have a fucking choice! God help me, Dean, if you had come, and you had found out, would you have wiped _our _memories, too?"

His mouth opened and closed once, twice, as he remained speechless. He had considered doing the same damn thing to Sam when the whole Ezekiel/Gadreel thing blew up in his face, he'd considered finding someone Cas trusted scrape Sam's mind clean before Cas got his stolen grace, but he couldn't do it. And now, he realized it was wrong even with Ben and Lisa. "I was wrong," his voice was a whisper in the night. "I was wrong, Ryan. It was the wrong call to do that to them."

"Luckily, Cas knows what's better for them and it wore off."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Gabriel's memories...he told me, Cas gave them false memories, of you leaving. It was…kinder, I guess. He told me that it's worn off. They remember you."

Dean all but staggered at that bomb as it dropped and he felt tears trailing down his face. "I missed them, man, did I miss them."

"You can...you can go back to her, if you wanted." Ryan whispered, pain etched in her voice.

His eyes narrowed at her again. She wasn't getting it. Why wasn't she fucking getting it? "Damn it, Ryan, that's not the fucking point!"

"What is?" she shot back coldly. "Tell me then. Enlighten me, Dean!"

"In New Orleans, you broke me, okay? I was going to ask you to hunt with me! I wanted us to be together! Hell, I was all but ready to admit that I loved you! Do you know how many people I've ever told in my life that I love them? One. My mother. And now, you. I was going to that morning. I wanted...I wanted everything, EVERYTHING with you, Ryan, damaged or no." He ran a hand through his hair. "How stupid was that?!"

She gasped and doubled over as the pain of realization seemed to cascade over her. "No…"

"Yes, Ryan. Thanks for fucking _me _over for once. It took me a long time to overcome that. Hell, Cassie'd screwed with my head, then you gave me a double damn whammy. So, no, it _didn't _occur to me to call you because I fucking deleted your number!"

"Dean…I…"

"I'm not finished!" he shouted.

She winced, but remained quiet.

"I was so fucking _hurt, _Ryan, when you were gone that morning. And now, yeah, I get it, I really do, it was your only option, but it hurt. Because of that, I went and got Sam when Dad went missing and took him away from his one shot at happiness and fucked him over, too. Because God knows I can't be miserable by myself…"

She reached her hand out towards him and then drew it back as though she'd second-guessed herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She went to him then and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Dean, I'm so sorry. I never really thought about how you felt. I had so much on my plate then…Gabriel made it seem like the world was resting on my shoulders, and in a way, I guess it was, looking back…I couldn't tell you, he made me promise…"

"I told you angels were dicks…" he muttered, causing her to grin.

"You're right. They are. Unfortunately we're related to one."

They were both silent a moment before he wrapped his arms around her as well. "We're both fucked in the head, Ryan. Honestly, I don't see how anyone else would put up with our shit."

She snorted. "Too true…"

He pulled her away and she looked at him. "I want you, Ryan, for as long as you'll have me. I can't promise it will be perfect, in fact, I can guarantee it will be the opposite, but I'll do my damnedest to make you happy."

"You, alive, and not a demon, makes me happy. You being with the kids makes me ecstatic. But you being with me? It brings me a joy I can't begin to describe."

He crashed his lips to hers and she moaned in ecstasy as he turned them and sat her on the hood. "Need you," he muttered.

"Have me," she replied as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Fuck," he murmured as he undid her pants. "I've always wanted you on the hood of this car."

"The trunk would probably work, too," she muttered as his lips descended to her neck.

He pulled away and looked at her. She was gorgeous, though he could barely see her in the dim light reflecting back on them from the headlights of the car. "I wanted to wait at least until I got you back to your bed, but I can't, not right now."

"Fuck me, Dean. Now. We'll have time for everything else, later."

That was all the encouragement he needed. She helped him as she kicked off a boot, then shimmied out of one leg of her jeans and underwear before she unbuttoned his own jeans. Her hand slid up and down his length a few times and he had to take a stuttering breath to control himself. "This won't last long."

She smirked. "Won't take me but a second, sugar," she purred, that North Carolina twang entering her words as she bit his earlobe.

"Fuck," he muttered as he thrust, joining them.

They rode the tempest all the way until they both came screaming to the end together and panted in the aftermath.

She dropped lightly to lie down on the hood and smirked up at him. "You just had to desecrate _my _baby, didn't you?"

He blushed slightly as he helped her to a sitting position once more. "I…uh…well, I didn't exactly mean for that to happen…"

She kissed his lips tenderly. "I don't care, Dean. You can have me any time, any way, no matter what."

He kissed her fully on the mouth, fucking it gently with his tongue until he whimpered with desire anew. "We've gotta stop, Ry," he managed as she began attacking his neck with bites.

"No," she purred.

"I'd like to do ya on a bed, if it's all the same to you."

"Later," she murmured as she continued her ministrations.

"It's probably going to take me a minute to recover…"

She grasped him and teased him as they made out until he was hard once more. "See? I know what I'm doing."

"Damn, woman, I'm not a young guy anymore, remember?"

She flicked her tongue out to his ear. "Well then, Gramps, I'll make sure to get you some Viagra."

He looked at her in shock for a moment before he began tickling her. "You little shit…" he growled.

She began giggling and couldn't stop.

He smirked as he pulled away. "I'm serious, Ry. I want a bed."

Her eyebrow rose. "Next time?"

His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. Her lips were swollen, what he could see of her chest was red from her orgasm blush, and she had that damn mischievous glint in her eyes. "Fuck it," he muttered as he dove to her once more.

* * *

The rest of the trip was uneventful and they pulled into her driveway around four. "Ryan, wake up," he spoke softly as he nudged her once he'd stopped the car.

She blinked and smiled at him. "Can I wake up next to you every day?"

He smiled. "Every day I'm not on a hunt."

She stood and stretched. "And every day of a hunt I get to come on," she countered.

"Ryan..."

She glanced at him. "You're not going to pull some bullshit about not wanting me to hunt, are you?"

He pondered that quickly before covering his junk. "No, I value my balls too much for that."

"Smart man," she chuckled. The grabbed their bags and walked up to the door where Sam was standing, smiling.

Ryan stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for watching my babies this week, Sam."

"Bobby's evil, Ryan," he stated, but he was grinning as he said it. "I mean it. The kid is a monster."

She giggled. "Tell me something I don't know." She yawned. "I'm going to bed. See you in the morning. G'night, boys."

They watched her walk up the steps and Sam turned to him. "So?"

"Don't get all girlie on me now, man," Dean growled.

"I'm not. But I need to know what's happening."

"We're...together? Hell, I don't know, Sam. We're taking it slow. I love her. She loves me."

"And you coming here with her is taking it slow?"

Dean grinned. "Well, slow is relative, I guess. I mean...the future isn't set in stone. She's probably going to move to Kansas so the kids will be near me, so I can help and stuff..."

"And the two of you?"

"We're fine, Sammy. Now, I'm tired. Angel blood apparently causes hangovers."

Sam regarded him a moment before he sighed. "Don't fuck this up, Dean."

"This is between me and her, Sam."

"I mean it. You fuck this up with her, I'm kicking your ass."

"I'd like to see you try."

"I've done it before, Dean."

The two men glared at one another a moment before Dean sighed. "You done yet?"

Sam sighed as well. "For now."

Dean walked past him and up the stairs. He walked in to Ryan's bedroom to find her already asleep. She'd stripped down to her tank top and underwear. He smiled at her. She really was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. Inside and out.

He went to the bathroom, took a piss, toed off his boots, took off his flannel overshirt, and then sat on the bed. What Sam had said bothered him. Was he going to screw this up? Was he screwing it up anyway? He shook his head and knew sleep wouldn't come right away. So he padded barefoot downstairs to the refrigerator.

He opened it and moaned in ecstasy. Ryan kept her fridge _full of food_. Even being gone a few days, it was painfully evident she had leftovers and sandwich makings and apparently they'd had takeout a few nights because he saw a pizza box and a few Chinese food containers as well, probably from Sam since he didn't cook often. It was like heaven here on earth. He started snooping and found meatloaf, spaghetti, some hot dogs and, _mother of God…_Pie.

He sniffed and whimpered. Sweet potato pie, her mother's recipe, he assumed. He didn't even get a fork, just scooped up a slice and shoved it into his mouth. He moaned again as he grabbed the jug of milk and took a swig. Man, was he hungry. He could eat a house. He snagged a second piece of pie and worked on it as he grabbed meat and mayonnaise to make a sandwich. A big deli sandwich sounded good. He sat the stuff on the counter and walked over to the pantry where he grabbed bread and tossed the loaf onto the countertop with the other things before his eyes lit on a bag of chips. He was shoving his hand into the bag, making a loud crinkling sound when something caught his attention. He heard a noise. Someone was in the house. He turned…and was accosted.

The attacker was smaller, much smaller than him, but a hell of a strong fighter. Clearly, he must still be feeling the after effects of the angel blood. This thought crossed his mind as he was tossed to the floor and pinned with an angel blade pointed at his neck. "Whoa, easy, tiger," the soft, feminine voice says.

"Hope?"

She gasped. "Dad?"

"You scared the crap out of me, kid."

She smirked and all he saw was himself reflected in her facial features. _Wow. My kids really do look like me, don't they?_ "That's because you're out of practice," she replied snarkily.

He grabbed her wrist and flipped them so she was under him and the blade was tossed aside.

"Or not," she commented with a wince. She tapped him twice to let him know she'd given up.

He grinned and stood, holding out his hand for her. She took it and when she was standing, wrapped her arms around him. "You're home!"

"Yeah. Me and your mom got back just a little bit ago."

"Are you here for long? Can we go to the park? Are you gonna help Mom with the dance? Can we go? Oh! Can we go shooting? I need to show you how I can throw knives! And..."

"Hope, calm down, okay, kid? I promise, we'll do all that stuff, I just...we just got here. I'm going to make a sandwich then go back to bed, okay?"

She smiled. "Okay." She reached for the light over the kitchen sink to illuminate the area, then plopped down on one of the kitchen chairs. "I'll join you."

He chuckled. "Sounds good." He made his sandwich, dumped some chips on the plate, then went to sit next to her.

While he finished making his sandwich, she had grabbed them each a glass of milk from the fridge and was stirring chocolate syrup into hers. "Want chocolate?" she questioned.

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

She shrugged and sipped her milk. "So..."

He looked at her. Her smirk was his, but the rest...she looked like Ryan. Just like Ryan had, at that age, as a matter of fact. She was beautiful, just like her mother, and he knew in a few years, he'd be beating guys off of her with a stick and his sawed-off. The thought made him smile a little. He could say "I don't mind going back to prison, boy" and mean it. "So?" he prompted.

"What's happening? What are you and Mom going to do?"

He took a bite of his sandwich and thought while he chewed. "Well," he said after he swallowed, "I want to get to know you guys. And your new brother. So, we'll do that."

"Are you going to live with us?"

He wasn't sure if he should mention the move to Kansas, and he didn't know when that would happen, anyway. Ryan had a business. She had a whole life here. Now that those thoughts surfaced, he wondered how everything would work out, too. "I'm a hunter, Hope. I have to go out and kill monsters. And I have research that needs to be done in the bunker, but, yeah, any time I can be here, I wanna be."

She smiled and it blazed with the power of a thousand watt bulb. "I knew it. I knew you would. I knew this would all work out."

He smiled as well. "So, Hope Deanna Winchester. Now that I'm awake and alive, tell me a little bit about yourself."

"The human me, or the angel me?"

"Is there a difference?"

She paused in thought. "Well, the memories I have from before, they're coming in, slowly but surely, kind of like I've read a book or dreamed a dream, but I lived it, you know? But as for human me, that one's much easier."

He nodded and took another bite of the sandwich. "Oay. Go wif dat," he said.

She giggled. "Mama says we shouldn't talk with our mouths full."

He swallowed and smiled. "Yeah? Well, Mama's asleep. Just me and you, kid."

Hope giggled and began telling about her favorite things. He realized, as she talked, the kid would get along well with Charlie and it made him miss the girl. He knew Charlie was an adult, but somehow, he'd begun regarding her as a sister. Maybe she could come back from Oz soon. Wouldn't she be shocked? Hope talked about Doctor Who and Harry Potter, things he had heard about, but wasn't familiar with, too. Apparently Ryan was quite a nerd. But he liked that part of her, too. She would get along great with Charlie and he told Hope, "You know, you and your mom will get along well with my friend, Charlie. She's into comic books and Harry Potter and stuff."

"Oh! I know! Aunt Charlie's great!"

Dean's brow furrowed. "You...you've met Charlie?"

Hope nodded as she sipped her milk. "Well, once, anyway, a little while ago, after we moved here. She came up and I guess she found out about us from some computer files or something? I don't know. Mom was mad, but she got over it. Charlie and I read The Wizard of Oz together."

"That's where Charlie is now. She went with Dorothy to Oz."

"Cool. I love The Wizard of Oz but I really liked the play Wicked. Do you think the Wicked Witch wasn't really as wicked as everyone says?"

Dean shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I was just killed a few days ago by an angel of the lord..."

Hope's lip curled. "Metatron. He was always such a smarmy little jerk."

"That hasn't changed," he stated softly as he realized she was tapping into her angel memories. "What do you remember about your time upstairs?"

Her voice took on a far-off quality, as if tapping into those memories made her almost drift away. "It was like a prison for me. It was beautiful, but I was never allowed to leave. I wasn't considered Seraph. I wasn't a fighter, so I had to stay in the gates, like a princess in a tower. Gabriel saw me, saw how unhappy I was."

"And you fell with him."

She nodded, seeming to come back to herself. "Yeah. I did. And I haven't regretted it once."

"Did you know all the angels?"

She shook her head. "I knew a lot of them. Some by name only, some, I knew personally. Name me some names."

He thought and "Cas," was the first name that rolled off his tongue.

She smiled. "I knew of Castiel. He was under my charge, training, but we never actually met. He was so young and spirited. He had that spark in him, like me, like Gabriel. He was going to be a trouble maker. I saw it, but I didn't report it. Naomi would have..."

"Naomi?"

She shivered and rubbed her arms. "Yeah. She was our disciplinarian. You didn't want to get on her bad side."

"Metatron killed her."

The girl blinked. "He must be much worse than I originally thought."

"I don't think he's worse, I think he's just craftier."

She sighed. "It's always the quiet ones."

He smirked. "Weren't you one of the quiet ones?"

She shot him a smirk right back. "Once upon a time."

"Who else did you know?"

"Gabriel, obviously. Tessa..."

"You knew a reaper?"

She nodded. "Not well. I didn't care much for the reapers. They always seemed so full of themselves. The cupids, they're fun to be around. A little touchy-feely for my taste, but they're cool. Alexis was a good friend. She's a cupid. But yes, I knew Tessa. Did you?"

He nodded sadly. "She took her own life. When the angels fell, it messed them up. They..."

She nodded. "I've been hearing angel radio for the past year or so. I didn't tell Mom...I didn't want to worry her..."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, you're my kid, aren't you?"

She smiled at that. "I guess so." They were both quiet a moment. "I didn't know it would be like this, when I agreed to it."

"What?"

She looked at him. "When I agreed to become your child, when Gabriel asked me. I didn't realize it would change me."

"How so?"

She shrugged in a child-like gesture and her voice was small as she said, "I feel. Not that I didn't before, but this time around, it's changed my perception of things. I feel human."

"But you have all of your memories? How does that work?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I mean, they're surfacing, so I know I'm me, but I'm also the me I've been for the past ten years. It's...it's unlike anything I've seen or done before. And that says something. I'm almost as old as Gabriel and older than Castiel."

"You said you trained Cas?"

She nodded. "I was the overseer of a group of angels. They were divided into garrisons from there."

"So...you knew Anna as well?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I knew Anna. Not well, but I knew her. She was very good at her job, but she was enough like me and Gabriel to see the way things were going weren't quite right. She questioned. And when you questioned..." she shivered yet again and Dean wondered just what she was seeing as she thought of Heaven. Clearly being an angel wasn't all wings and halos and floating around on clouds. "Naomi was a brute. The things she would do to punish you...I was never one on her table for punishment, I kept my head down. But I heard horror stories. I saw the victims of her tortures. I went and comforted the wounded after they had been healed. Some, well, some she destroyed mentally. Those, the ones the Rit Zien couldn't heal, I sat with them, gave them the angel's version of Last Rites before they were destroyed."

"You've seen a lot of shit, haven't you, Hope?"

She sucked in a breath and blew it out. "More than you know. But this...I like this. I like feeling like this. I'm human, Dad. At least, in all the ways that matter."

"And the mojo?"

She thought a moment and he watched as her eyes burned angel blue for a second. "It's coming back. Slowly. I don't have my wings or anything..."

"Can your grace be stolen from you?"

"Not easily. Gabriel bound me to this body, just as he's bound himself to his. It isn't like we're possessing someone, we're bound. It makes you more human but it also tamps down on some of your powers."

"Do you regret it?"

"Not even for a second," she told him with conviction.

He nodded. "Good. I'm glad." He glanced at the clock on the stove. "We need to get to bed. What are you doing tomorrow, er, today?"

She smiled. "Not much. We've been just hanging out here. Uncle Sam can't quite handle Bobby twenty-four/seven so he's been going to day care and Sam's been doing stuff with me. It's nice. I really like him."

"I hope you like me just as much." He meant for it to sound flippant, but he couldn't help but notice the tone of wistfulness in his voice.

She smiled and hugged him tight. "I think I like you a little bit more," she confided.

He chuckled and kissed her hair. "Go on. Up to bed, okay? See you in the morning."

"Okay. Love ya, Dad."

He didn't know how to respond, and she didn't seem to be looking to hear it back in reply as she skipped out of the room and he heard her trying to softly climb the stairs.

He cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and made his way back to bed. He stripped down and crawled into bed. Ryan snuggled into him. "Where'd you go?" she asked.

"Just had an interesting conversation with my daughter, and I had a sandwich."

She chuckled. "'Night, babe. Love you."

He kissed her. "Love you, too," he managed. His heart and his head were full, but he was exhausted, and he fell asleep in no time.

* * *

When he woke, the sun was streaming in the window. He stretched and called out, "Ryan?" but she didn't answer. He yawned and after taking a piss and getting dressed, he walked downstairs to find it empty. He didn't hear a sound. "Hello?" Just then, he heard the back door open and he walked into the kitchen to find Sam and Ryan both sweating, panting. Sam was dressed in his running gear, but Ryan was in a pair of impossibly tiny shorts and a sports bra and not much else. "What's going on?"

Ryan stood and pulled her leg up to her butt and stretched it. "We just went for a morning run. I forgot how nice it is to have someone to run with."

Sam snorted. "You ran to keep up with me. I power walked, shorty."

"Bite my ass, Sambo, I kept up with you and you know it. You were winded."

Sam smirked. "Yeah, okay, but in my defense, you know the terrain around here."

She nodded. "True. But I've been running on the treadmill lately, so I haven't had a chance to spend it outdoors."

Dean just gaped at them. "Why are you running, Ryan? That's not healthy, is it?"

She rolled her eyes and guzzled some water out of her water bottle. "Besides the fact that he's part demon, part of a prophecy, and probably nothing could kill this kid, I'm an avid runner, Dean. It's perfectly safe until balance becomes an issue or I start having joint problems. I'll slow down once I start showing. I swear."

"You haven't been running while we were in the bunker. You shouldn't start and stop that, right?"

She chuckled. "Of course I did. I ran on the treadmill while you were asleep every day." She slapped her ass. "How else do you think this baby stays so perky?" She stretched once more then said, "I need a shower, then I'll fix breakfast. Pancakes okay, babe?"

Dean blinked. "Yeah...I guess."

"I need a shower, too. You got enough hot water for me to take one after you finish, Ryan?" Sam questioned as he mopped up with a towel.

Ryan smirked. "I don't know...it depends on how long you spend in there masturbating."

Sam's mouth fell open before he let out a belly laugh. "Yeah, she's yours, Dean. You can have her. Smart ass."

She blew Sam a kiss and flounced up the stairs, her ponytail swinging behind her. Dean blinked again and noticed Sam made his way to a door off the kitchen. He blinked once more and then followed Ryan up the stairs. He made it into the bathroom just as she was pulling off her socks. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready to take a shower." She smirked. "Care to join me? Endorphins, you know..."

"No, I don't know."

Her brows knit as she looked at him. "What? Did you want to join me for my morning run?"

"Hell no. I don't run. Things run from me."

At that, she snorted and slipped out of her shorts. The bra came off over her head. "Okay, so...what's the big deal?"

"He's...he's Sam."

"I'm aware of his name. He's your brother, Dean. You want me to be friends with him, right?"

"Yeah, of course. But I don't want you two becoming workout buddies, running around, sweating with each other...I mean, you didn't even trust him not so long ago."

She glared at him and even standing there naked, the woman was intimidating. "Seriously? SERIOUSLY?" Her jaw set. "Now you're jealous of _Sam_? Yeah, Dean, sure. Because the first thing we did was stop on the trail and fuck like rabbits." She shook her head. "Unbelievable," she growled.

"Look, I know, okay? I'm being ridiculous here. But Sam...you two have a history!"

"We would have, but not now! Damn it, Dean, look, the only reason I was with Sam in the alternate timeline was because you weren't there and I needed help with the kids and someone had to put him back together after you broke him! So don't try to start this shit now. You have no reason to be jealous of him. I love you, you insufferable asshole, and I always will! I choose you, okay? In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality we are thrust into, I'd find you, and I'd choose you. I love _you_."

Just like that, he was tossed into a memory...her, in a wedding dress, saying those same words, maybe not with the anger coloring her voice, but still...he remembered. He hung his head. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"No shit, Sherlock." She cocked her head to the side, listening. "Your son is waking up. Why don't you go check on him? Change him into a fresh diaper, take him downstairs, make him some chocolate milk, get him some cereal, give it to him dry, in a bowl, then let him watch a little TV. He'll probably want something on the DVR. You can ask him and you can figure out what he wants to watch."

He watched her step in the shower, and realizing it as a dismissal, walked out into the bedroom. He blew out a breath. This relationship crap was hard work.

He walked to Bobby's room and opened the door. "Daddy!" the little boy cried as he stood from where he was playing with trains and ran to him.

Dean grabbed him in his arms and held him a moment, breathing in his scent. He smelled like sweat and dirt and boy. How was that possible? The kid had just woke up. But he did. And he smelled like home. "Hey, buddy. Did you sleep good?"

The boy started yammering in some sort of baby language. He caught a word or two, but most of it was garbled. The little guy pulled away and walked back to his trains. "Trains, Daddy!"

"Want me to play with you?"

"Yes," Bobby said with a head bob.

Dean sat down next to him and he noticed the track was broken. "Want me to fix it for you, bud?"

"He'll just break it again," Dean heard from the door.

He turned and saw Sam standing there, still in his exercise clothes. "I'm an idiot," Dean told him.

Sam smirked. "You're surprised? I already knew that."

"Ha. Yeah, well, now she's mad at me."

Sam sighed and stepped into the room.

"Sam!" the boy cried and launched himself at Sam.

Sam gave him a hug and the boy went back to his trains. "Dean, You're gonna have to trust her."

"I have Gabe's memories, Sam. I saw her with you through his eyes. You two were more than friends."

"Maybe we were, but I have some of Gabriel's memories, too, you know."

At Dean's surprised glance, Sam nodded. "Yeah, he wasn't planning on it, but he gave me a few. Even if...even if I had fallen for her, Dean, it was always you she wanted. I was there for her, looking after those kids because you weren't there. I hope, if the roles were reversed, you'd have been there in my stead."

"You know I would."

Sam nodded. "Exactly. So, can't you see how I'd take looking after your family seriously? I do, even now. When I figured it out a few months ago..."

"You knew?!" Dean felt the sting of betrayal begin anew.

Sam shot him the bitchface. "Seriously? You're going to be pissy over that? Yeah, I knew. It didn't take much to put two and two together, Dean. Hope looks a lot like Ryan, but she definitely looks like you. The timeline fit. It wasn't hard for me to figure out. And you'd have known, too, if your head wasn't so far up your butt at the time, determined to kill Abaddon, determined to get yourself killed for the cause...So, no, I didn't tell you. On purpose. You weren't in the right mindset. She didn't need that. Not then."

"She doesn't need it now, either," Dean countered, looking down at the train in his hand. He didn't need to be here. He didn't need to damage these kids...

"Don't you even think it."

Dean looked up at his brother. "What?"

"I know you. You're thinking about leaving. Let me tell you this; you run out on them, I'm through with you."

Dean snorted. "Thought you were already through with me."

He watched Sam's fists clench and unclench a moment before he said in a voice made of steel, "You died, Dean. I carried your dead body back to the car. I rode with your corpse for hours wondering how in God's name I could get you back. Then, when Ryan called me and told me she had a way to bring you back...it wouldn't have mattered what she asked of me, I'd have done it. I'd have started this whole thing over again, sold my soul to bring you back."

"No, Sammy, you can't do that."

"I know, Dean. But I would have done anything, _anything _to bring you back. I don't want you dead. I don't want me dead either, okay?"

"The whole Gadreel thing..."

Sam held up a hand. "Don't. Just...don't. You did what you do. You did whatever it took to save my life. I'm...I'm grateful. Did you know, I have kids? Somehow, down the line, I've got kids. A wife. Gabriel didn't show her to me, but she was alive and apparently _my _soul mate. So...I've got a life waiting, too."

"That's great, Sammy..."

Sam smiled. "Yeah, it is. But I wouldn't, if it wasn't for you. Do you know how many times you've saved my life?"

Dean shook his head. "You've saved mine just as much."

Sam looked down at his shoes. "I've failed you as often as I've helped you."

"Now it's your turn to stop. You've never failed me. I wasn't happy with some sh-uh-stuff you did, but it's not like I'm up for a humanitarian award over here, either." Dean blew out a breath. "Look, we've never fought over chicks before..."

"Except that one time."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I didn't know you liked her. If I did, I'd have backed off..."

"She was a freshman, Dean."

Dean smirked. "Trust me, as wild as she was, I wasn't the first stud she'd rode..."

The two chuckled.

Sam sobered first. "Look, Dean, I know you're doing the best you can, and I know this is new for you. But please, this is right, the two of you. Don't fuck it up and don't let her fuck it up, either. Okay?"

Dean nodded. "I'll do my best."

"That's all she wants from you and that's all I want for you, okay?"

Dean nodded. "Thanks, man, really."

"Milks and chocolates?" Bobby suddenly spoke up.

Dean chuckled and picked the boy up as he stood. "One milks and chocolates, coming up, my man."

After he changed the boy, he took him downstairs where Hope was already getting a glass of apple juice. Dean noticed she had also already made a sippy cup for Bobby, too. "Thanks, Hope."

She shrugged. "Heard you and Sam talking, figured I'd help out."

Dean sighed. "You know...we're new at this. For the longest time, it's been me and Sammy. Now, with your mom and you and and your brother, soon to be brothers...it's a lot to process."

She nodded. "I know. Just...don't leave us, okay? You may not realize it, but we need you. Mom needs you."

Dean sucked in a breath. "Yeah, I think I need her, too."

Hope smiled at that. Just then, the house phone rang. Hope went and snatched it up. After glancing at the caller ID screen, she punched the button, answering the call. "Tory!" she exclaimed. "Mama's in the shower." The girl listened for a moment. "Daddy's here. Wanna talk to him?" She smiled and handed the phone to him and he took it with trepidation.

"Hello?"

"As I live and breathe. Dean Winchester. How the hell are you?"

"I'm alive."

She snorted. "It's a good day as a hunter when you wake up alive, am I right?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So, listen, tell Ryan I'm on my way."

"You already ganked that skinwalker?"

"Mmmhmm. Ryan did all the leg work. She figured out what it was. I just had to go find it, and, hell, that wasn't exactly hard either."

"I'm impressed, Allard."

"Thanks, El Capitan. So...I'm on my way there. I'll be there in about a day. Planning on rolling in probably mid-morning tomorrow. She gonna be at work then, or will you have her otherwise occupied?"

He smirked. "It depends on if I have anything to say about it."

"Ha! I knew I liked you. When I get there, I'll threaten you if you hurt her, but for now, enjoy it. She's needed this, Dean. She's...she's got her own emotional baggage. I'm in the community. I don't know all of it, but I know you and your brother drive yours around in a trailer behind that Impala, so...don't fuck with her."

His jaw clenched. He was about tired of people telling him not to screw up. But, he realized she was Ryan's friend, best friend, from the sound of it. "I hear you loud and clear."

"Good. See ya soon!" he heard the phone disconnect and he pulled it away from his ear to look at it.

Hope smiled. "Welcome to the whirlwind that is my Aunt Tory."

Dean chuckled. "No doubt." He glanced around. It was just him and the kids in the kitchen. "Tell me about Andy."

Hope thought a moment and then smiled. "Well, first off, she looks like Snow White. But don't let that fool you. She's really good with knives and she knows a lot about demons."

"I bet," he muttered under his breath. He gazed at the little girl. "But she's...she's cool?"

Hope nodded. "I mean, she's a grown up. You guys tend to be boring sometimes, you know."

He chuckled at that. "True."

"But she's awesome. She's really smart, too. She got a 4.0 grade average in college, which is pretty good considering she was all upset about her sister being killed."

"What do you know about that?"

Hope gave him a bashful shrug. "I'm, uh, not supposed to know any of it. I'm nosy. Mama threatened to make me wear a pig snout."

Dean held in the laugh. Just barely. "Is that so?"

She nodded again as she sipped her juice. "Yeah, but I'm curious, you know?"

"Isn't there a saying about curiosity killing the angel?"

She shot him a glare. "Pretty sure that's a cat, Dad."

He grinned again. He kind of liked being called 'Dad'. "Still, the truth of it holds. You have to be careful about snooping around, Hope. I don't see a whole lot of that angel grace popping up yet. You're not a full blown angel, alright?"

She nodded. "Okay. You're right."

He smiled. "You know...I haven't had my morning hug yet."

The little girl crossed her arms in an excellent imitation of her mother. "A morning hug? You've been here for like, five seconds. Already with the morning rituals?"

He shrugged and grinned. "Kind of sounds like the thing to start, am I right?"

The girl pretended to ponder that for a moment before she gave him a blinding smile and stood before walking to him and hugging him tightly. "I love you," she whispered as she kissed his cheek.

"Good morning, babies," Ryan said as she walked in.

"Good morning!" Hope said, giving her mom a hug as well. "Did you call Bo?"

Ryan nodded. "I did. I'm going to drop you off over there for a while this morning."

"Are we going to work?"

"You are. I told Bo I wanted the day off one more day. I told him we had company in. I figured Dad would want to spend the day with Loki."

Hope rolled her eyes. "I'm glad I'm going to be gone."

"You love your brother. Keep repeating that mantra."

Hope giggled. "Most days. Then he breaks something of mine..."

"I've warned you to put your crap in your room, sugar. We have a baby lock on your door for a reason..."

"I know, I know," Hope groused. She smiled at Dean. "Can I spend the day with you tomorrow while Mama works and Bobby's in day care?"

He thought a moment. "I wanna give the Falcon and the Impala a tune up. How do you feel about putting your head under the hood, learning a few things with me?"

"Yes! That sounds awesome!"

Dean smiled at that. It briefly made his heart hurt. He remembered working under the hood of Baby with Ben. But he put that aside. No need to dig that crap up today. Soon, maybe, but not today. "Hey, Tory called while you were in the shower," Dean told Ryan. "She said she's on her way, should be in tomorrow."

Ryan nodded. "I'll give her a call in a little bit."

"Oh! Mom, I talked to Dad last night and he said he'd go with me this weekend, so, can you get us in? Please? Pretty, pretty please?"

Ryan looked surprised and Dean wracked his brain to remember what he'd agreed to. Coming up empty, he shrugged and went with it. "Yeah, sounds like fun. I'm game."

Ryan shot him a glance. "Is that so?" her voice was full of mirth. "And did you check to make sure he was actually awake when you asked him? Because I'm pretty sure the Dean Winchester I know would never sign on for that, Hope."

"But..." the little girl started.

"Ryan, it's fine. The kid wants to do it, we do it." Dean didn't want to let the girl down now. He'd only really just met her. He knew he wasn't going to get 'Dad of the Year' yet, but he didn't want to disappoint her right out of the gate.

Ryan crossed her arms and looked at Hope. "I know you, Hope Deanna Winchester. I bet you asked him in amidst a tirade going on about something where you didn't let him get a word in edgewise all while talking his ear off about something else."

"Wonder who I learned that from?" Hope asked under her breath, causing Dean to chortle.

Ryan glared at him and then turned back to their daughter. "You ask him now, right now. And if he says yes, I'll get you two in."

Hope sighed out a "Fine." She turned and looked at Dean. "Dad? Would...would you go to the Me and My Guy dance with me Saturday night? It's for the Girl Scouts. Mama always throws the party and this year is Carnival themed. They'll have hot dogs and popcorn and nachos and I swear, you won't have to dance. Just...go with me so my friends can meet you and stuff."

Dean blinked. A father/daughter dance? "What about...I mean...you've got a cover here, don't you, Ryan?"

Ryan was barely holding in a laugh. He could see it. She shook her head. "Witness protection. It was Gabe's big lie. We'll just say we were all in witness protection. Don't worry. I'll work out the details."

"Please?" Hope pleaded. "Please, please, please?!"

_What the fuck am I signing on for? _But he looked into those expressive brown eyes and he nodded. "Of course, Hope. I would love to take you to the father/daughter dance."

"Yes!" she screamed, startling Bobby, who was working on his Lucky Charms, carefully picking out the marshmallows. "Can I go call Emily?"

Ryan nodded. "Sure. But listen, don't give her much details. Tell her you'll tell her everything once Mom says its okay. Just tell her your Dad's back from a long trip and she'll get to meet him on Saturday, okay?"

"Okay!" Hope shouted, running back down the hall.

They heard her stomp up the steps then heard her door slam. They had been following her footsteps above their heads and their eyes moved down and onto each other. "So, I'm sorry for being a dick," Dean started.

Ryan shook her head. "I'm sorry...these hormones are a bitch, Dean. I'm sorry, too. We're figuring it out, right?"

"Slowly but surely."

She smiled. "That's all I ask."

"Good morning, guys," Sam said as he entered the room and made his way to the coffee pot.

Ryan chuckled. "So, Sam, looks like your brother is going to the father/daughter dance."

Sam jerked and spilled coffee all over his hand. "You're kidding!" he managed as he snagged the roll of paper towels.

Ryan shook her head, trying not to laugh again as the giggles bubbled out. She then she sobered, "Dean, seriously, you totally don't have to go to this thing."

"I know, but she wants to. Do you really run the thing?"

She nodded. "Every year for the past few years. That's why Tory was coming. Every year, on that weekend, she takes Hope and they go somewhere for the weekend. Usually overnight, and usually somewhere like an amusement park or something. I bet Hope forgot about why Tory was coming in all the excitement."

"Why do you do it?"

She shrugged. "The Me and My Guy dance is an annual tradition in Girl Scouts. Hope didn't have a dad around, so, she didn't go. But all the mothers I volunteer with are usually so busy with picking out their daughters dresses and stuff...it's usually a big gala. The first year I did it, it was black tie. But this year, I decided to make it fun. My troop has helped with all the planning. One of the other girls in our troop, her father just died a couple of months ago, so she asked not to be included. But Hope...she's been all over planning it, even if she didn't attend." She smiled softly. "Bo offered to take her, but Hope declined. She said if she couldn't have her daddy, she didn't want anyone taking her. She was cool with it."

That made Dean feel worse, and a little angry, too. If Ryan had just told him, he would have moved Heaven and Hell to be here for his kid. But, that was all done now. "So...what do I need to do?"

She shrugged. "Not much. It is a dance, so, the girls are going in dresses, men in jackets. We usually hold it in the spring, but the fellowship hall at our church was being remodeled and we couldn't get anywhere to give us a break on prices. The money we take in is being donated to the humane society so we wanted to keep costs down as much as we could. After a council wide vote, we decided to host it once school let out."

"So...what? I need to wear my FBI suit? I didn't bring it."

She smiled. "Nah, I'll take care of your clothes. Hope and I can hit the mall later, pick up what we need. She'll need a new dress."

"And you? Do you have a dress for this shindig?"

She smirked. "As a matter of fact, I do."

Dean licked his lips as his mouth went dry. He'd get to see Ryan in a dress, he'd get to spend the evening with his daughter, how bad could it be?

Ryan smacked the table. "Now that we've got that covered, on to breakfast." He watched as she moved around the kitchen, gathering the ingredients. "Cinnamon Roll Pancakes sound good?"

Both men nodded and Dean smiled as she turned the music on low and hummed as she worked. Dean blinked as he watched her mixing ingredients and she tossed a few in the air, juggling a cinnamon jar and the can of Pam. "Why does that seem familiar?" he heard Sam ask. "Ryan...have I seen you juggle before?"

Dean nodded. "I know. I was just thinking the same thing."

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know why it seems familiar. You definitely haven't seen me juggle. Tory talked me into taking a bartending class a few years ago." She smirked. "Of course, she also talked me into taking a pole dancing class, too..."

Dean shifted slightly at the thought of that little striptease Ryan had done for him not so many years ago. "I think we need a repeat performance," he told her.

She chuckled. "Not right now. Maybe later, tiger."

Tiger...that reminded him... "Did you know Hope can flip me? Apparently I surprised her and she had me flipped and an angel blade to my throat before I could blink."

Ryan nodded. "That's my girl. She's a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do already, Dean. You're lucky she's enough like me not to stab first and ask questions later."

"Too true."

He heard Hope pounding back down the steps and soon, they were all tucking in to some awesome breakfast. He wondered if there was anything Ryan couldn't cook. Then he realized, he was going to have to actually start watching his waistline if he hung out with her and the kids too much. The thought was kind of pleasant.

* * *

"Seriously?" Dean groused as they got in Ryan's SUV later that afternoon. Hope had gone and spent a few hours at the cafe while he and Ryan had spent the day with Bobby. Sam had decided to go back to the bunker and he'd rented a car so Dean could work on both the Falcon and the Impala the next day while Ryan worked. "We're going to the mall?"

"And we'll grab dinner while we're out."

"But...the mall?!"

"We need to get you and Hope clothes for Saturday, Dean." She smiled. "Consider this a normal family outing."

"I don't have normal family outings. Normal family outings for us is ganking a monster and then sitting back with a cold one."

She chuckled as she strapped a squirming Bobby into his carseat. "Yeah, well, this is normal for us. The ganking comes later. Now, move your ass, Winchester. We've gotta pick up our girl then hit the road."

He wanted to pretend to be angry longer, but when she said, 'our girl' he couldn't help the grin on his face. Spending time with them would be fun, even if it was at the mall.

They swung by the cafe and Hope eagerly bounced out the door and into the car. "So...what're we doing tonight?"

"I thought we'd go to the mall, get you guys some duds for this weekend."

"Oh cool!" Hope enthused as she reached over to kiss Bobby. "Hey, buddy!"

"Sissy!" he exclaimed before he started jabbering along. Apparently he was attempting to tell Hope about his day because Dean heard 'Daddy' 'trucks' and 'trains'. Hope pretended to listen to him a moment before he got interested in Elmo in his board book and ignored her.

"Mama!"

"Hopey!"

Dean heard her sigh. "So, I know today's Tuesday, and it's shotgun's night to pick music..."

"But...?"

"But I was wondering if we could listen to "Wicked?"

Ryan glanced at Dean. "Do you mind?"

He shook his head. "Go ahead and listen to whatever."

"Yes!" Hope hissed in excitement as Ryan punched a button on the radio.

"Who am I today, Hope?"

"You're Elphaba, Mom."

Ryan nodded. "Right on."

Dean was about to ask what she meant, but then they started singing and he figured it out; they each sang a part of the song, something about loathing one another. It was snappy. He'd deny it to his grave and back again, but musicals didn't really bother him. And this one, well, it was kind of awesome. He'd liked The Wizard of Oz as a kid. It was one of his mom's favorite movies, which, he found funny considering she was a hunter, too. He wondered for a moment if maybe that's why he liked Ryan so well. She shared a lot of characteristics with his mom, including that odd sense of humor. Of course, he didn't know his mom that well, but little personality quirks he'd realized about her over the years made him remember some other things about her.

The two finished their song and he clapped. "You two sound awesome."

"We won the talent show a couple of weeks before school let out."

He glanced at Ryan, who was blushing slightly. "Is that so? And what did you sing?"

"Oh! Mama and I sang an a cappella version of 'Carry On Wayward Son.' It was really pretty."

"I bet it was."

"Mom? Would you turn it to number fifteen, please?"

"But...that's the love song, Hope."

"I know."

"But...you don't like the love song."

"But you do, Mom."

Ryan glanced at Dean. "Do you mind?"

He shook his head with a slight smile. "Be my guest."

She punched the button and soon the music started. Dean remembered hearing this song...

_**Kiss me too fiercely**_

_**Hold me too tight**_

_**I need help believing**_

_**You're with me tonight**_

_**My wildest dreamings **_

_**Could not forsee**_

_**Lying beside you**_

_**With you wanting me **_

The song might have been about a witch and her man, but it seemed as though Ryan were singing it to him, especially with the little side glances she kept shooting him.

_**And just for this moment**_

_**As long as you're mine**_

_**I've lost all resistance**_

_**And crossed some borderline**_

_**And if it turns out**_

_**It's over too fast**_

_**I'll make every last moment last**_

_**As long as you're mine...**_

Dean didn't know what overcame him, but all of a sudden, he found himself singing, too.

**Maybe I'm brainless**

**Maybe I'm wise**

**But you've got me seeing**

**Through different eyes**

**Somehow I've fallen**

**Under your spell**

**And somehow I'm feeling**

**It's up that I fell...**

They both began singing then.

_**Every moment**_

_**As long as you're mine**_

_**I'll wake up my body **_

_**And make up for lost time**_

Dean then sang,

**Say there's no future**

**For us as a pair...**

Ryan then joined back in.

_**And though I may know**_

_**I don't care...**_

_**Just for this moment **_

_**As long as you're mine**_

_**Come be how you want to**_

_**And see how bright we shine**_

_**Borrow the moonlight**_

_**Until it is through**_

_**And know I'll be here holding you**_

_**As long as you're mine...**_

He heard Ryan chuckle and he asked, "What is it?"

She shook her head. "It's just...for the first time, I feel...wicked."

The music went off and Hope let out a whoop. "I love it! You guys are so my OTP!"

Dean's brow furrowed. "OTP?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "One True Pairing. It's a girl thing. Don't try to understand it," Ryan told him as she clicked the radio off. "I thought you couldn't sing, Dean."

He looked at her. "I-I can't..."

"You sure about that?"

"I...I couldn't, anyway..."

Ryan glanced in the rearview mirror. "Hope Deanna...what did you do?"

Dean heard the little girl snort. "Nothing! I mean, okay, come on, Mom. He's the vessel of an archangel. He should sing like one."

He saw Ryan roll her eyes. "And so...what did you do?"

"He was tone-deaf. I just fixed it. Just a little angel juice. I'm surprised no one fixed it before, all the times he's been healed by angels."

"One angel," he corrected. "Well, now, I guess it's two." He turned around and smiled at his daughter. "Thanks. Now I can annoy the heck out of Sammy by actually singing and sounding good."

"Will that annoy him?" Hope wanted to know.

"Anytime I sing along with the radio it annoys him."

"Oops. I guess he must have been livid by the time he got back home with me. I sang along with every song on the radio all the way back from the bunker."

Dean chuckled. "Nah, I bet he was probably glad to hear you sing, Hope."

"Guess I should apologize to him anyway. Can I text him, Mom?"

"Sure, baby. Go ahead."

Hope was quiet a moment and Ryan glanced Dean's way. "What?" he asked.

"Did you know that song?"

"I've only heard it once."

"When did you hear any song from Wicked? Especially one that wasn't Defying Gravity?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, well...see..."

Her lip quirked. "Yes?"

He sighed. "So, when it came out, I was up in New York on a haunting. Vengeful spirit, really vengeful. And, uh, I managed to somehow save an heiress from him. She, ah, she was very grateful."

Ryan snorted. "I bet she was."

"I just...it was my first solo job, really solo. Dad had just given me the car and sent me out on this hunt and I was flying high. So, when she offered to wine and dine me, I went for it. And she did wine and dine...First, she bought me clothes. Then we went to this expensive restaurant. Then she took me to that play."

"And then you took her for a trip around the sun," Ryan provided.

"I'm not a great guy, Ryan. I keep trying to tell you that."

She pondered that a moment. "Did you spit in her face?"

His brows knit. "No. Of course not."

"Did you...get your rocks off and not take care of her?"

"You know I wouldn't."

"Did you do The Angry Dragon?"

"For fuck's sake, Ryan, I don't even know how you know about that, but no. I've never, in all my life, been that big of a dick to a girl."

She smiled. "Then, Dean, trust me. She looks back on that night for what it was; a gift. You gave her one hell of a ride, sugar. I'm sure she wasn't complaining even as you snuck out in the middle of the night."

He winced, because that was exactly what he'd done. She'd rented a big suite in a fancy hotel. He'd had to walk fifty blocks to find his way back to the Impala. "I'm still not proud of the life I've led, Ryan."

"And I am?" she scoffed. "Please. Dean...just because I didn't sleep around, that doesn't make me a good person, either. As someone you've slept with, I can attest, you don't just care about your own needs. You may have slept with a lot of women, but you've got a lot of satisfied customers out there. Trust me, I know from hearing stories about one-night-stands with Tory and Andy. Both have had guys do their thing and leave them to finish themselves. And nothing would piss me off more than to be left needing something that should be provided."

"Those men are douchebags."

Ryan chuckled. "I know. And I'm thankful I don't have a guy like that." She reached across the center console and grabbed his hand. He looked down at their joined hands and smiled. They held hands for the rest of the drive.

* * *

The number of times he'd been in a mall since he'd turned twenty, he could count on one hand. Sam had been old enough to go with his friends by himself by then, and usually, he and his dad were out on a case. Most of the time, he bought his clothes from Wal-Mart because they were cheap and he'd probably mess them up anyway with dirt, mud, blood, and other various fluids that come along with hunting. He didn't need expensive duds. So walking up to the door, pushing Bobby's stroller, Dean had a _holy shit, I'm in over my head, _moment. "There are a lot of people here," he commented.

"Luckily it's a Tuesday night. Not too crowded," Ryan commented as she walked with purpose. Dean followed behind her as she began talking colors and styles with Hope. Honestly, Dean didn't catch the half of it. Ryan walked to a men's store first and began scooping up clothes. "You aren't going to make me try them on and model, are you?" he questioned.

She shook her head. "I know what size you are, Dean. Trust me. I got this." She picked up a few more things and walked to the cashier. In ten minutes, they had his clothes safely stored in the bottom of Bobby's stroller.

He saw Ryan and Hope heading toward a girls store and he called out, "Me and the boy will just be out here."

Ryan looked back, winked, and disappeared into the store. He strolled the boy to the center of the mall where a toddler area was. "Pway? Pway, Daddy?" Bobby begged him.

He glanced back toward the store. He briefly remembered shopping with Charlie for clothes and nodded. "Yeah, bud. They'll be a while. Let's go play." He parked the stroller next to three others and let the little guy out, that blue monkey tucked under his arm. "Bobby! Wait!" The boy stopped and Dean knelt down. "Let me have Blue, okay? You don't want to lose him. Mama would kill me, alright?"

"Bwu?"

Dean nodded. "I'll keep him, okay?"

Bobby looked from the monkey to the small jungle gym, to Dean, as if deciding if he wanted to trust Dean with his monkey. Finally he smiled. "Okay!" and dropped the monkey into Dean's arms before scampering off again.

Dean couldn't help the smile on his face as he watched Bobby start climbing.

"They're so cute at that age," a voice said next to him. "Three?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, he'll be three next week."

"Adorable." The voice had a body, and a body did she have. Damn. She was smoking hot. She had a rack that looked like it had been bought and paid for by a very wealthy man, and an ass that said she worked out more than she did anything else. "Hi. I'm Loraine."

"Dean," he commented. "Bobby, be careful, bud!" he called as the boy climbed higher. He turned back to the woman. "One of these rugrats yours?"

She nodded. "Julian is four. He's in the Lewellyn Preschool for the Gifted."

"Right on. Good for him. Bobby..." Dean warned. He really didn't like the boy climbing that high. He might have angel grace, somewhere inside of him, because he was, after all, Gabriel, but for now, he was just a toddler. The little boy went to the big slide and down he went, cackling wildly causing Dean to smile again. "Good job, bud!"

"It must be hard, being a single father," Loraine stated as she ran a fingernail up Dean's arm.

He blinked. "Uh, no. I'm not...his mom is with his sister, trying on clothes. He got bored in the stroller..."

"Oh, I see. Family friend, then?"

"No, I'm the kid's dad." Man, did that feel good or what? He'd never really thought he could have this. He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but until then, he was going to ride this high for as long as he could.

"So you aren't together with his mother?"

His brows knit. "What are you..."

She tapped his ring finger. "Not even a sign of a ring. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be attached to her, either, if she can't satisfy you. And you do look like you'd need some satisfying, big guy."

His eyes narrowed and he snatched his hand away and stepped two steps back. "Look, lady, I don't know what game you're playing, but I am off the market, okay? So just get your grimy mitts off me, take your oversized fake tits, and go sell your STD's somewhere else. I'm not interested."

"You son of a..."

He grabbed her wrist just as she moved to slap him. "Don't. Just...don't. I don't believe in hitting a lady but..." he looked her up and down, "Well, let's just say that's not what I'm dealing with." He let her go and watched her stomp over, snatch her son up by the arm and haul him out of the play area.

"Crazy bitch," he muttered under his breath. He blew out a breath. Well, that was fun.

It was about thirty minutes later when he heard a wolf-whistle and turned to see Ryan walking up, smiling brilliantly. He looked for Hope and found her talking to a girl about her size, so he figured she's found a friend to chat with. "Nothing sexier than a man looking after his kid," Ryan growled as she came up and popped him on the ass.

"Tell me about it."

She just looked at him. "Huh?"

"Let's just say some women don't know how to take 'no' for an answer."

Ryan's lip quirked. "Did you inform her that 'no means no'?"

He winced. "I may have told her she had fake tits and to take them and her STD riddled ass somewhere else."

Ryan looked at him for a beat before she burst out in laughter. She grasped his arm as she all but doubled over, laughing.

Dean smiled. "I'm glad you find this so amusing."

Her shoulders were shaking as she straightened. "I'd have paid money to see it, sugar. I bet you told her."

He nodded. "I did, thank you very much. I'm all for assertive chicks, but I only want one assertive chick and she's standing right in front of me."

Ryan's face softened into a smile as she reached up to place a soft peck on his lips. "I love you, Dean."

He smiled. "Yeah? Well I love you, too."

Her smile grew. "It's getting easier for you to say it, isn't it?"

He blew out a breath. "I guess so."

"You know...I realize you don't know them very well yet, but I bet the kids would like for you to say it to them, too."

He swallowed. "Ryan...I am getting to know them. I don't want to just throw that out there at them. Love isn't something that needs words."

"I _know _that," she stated heatedly. "But sometimes they still need to be said!"

"I'm...I'm not good at that shit, okay?"

She sighed. "Not for me. Don't do it for me. Do it for them. Think about all the times your dad could have said he loved you and he didn't. If you don't feel it, sure, don't say it. But if you do...tell them." Her voice was quiet as she said, "Tell him."

"Who?"

She turned and looked at Bobby, watching him play. "Sam. Sam knows you love him. You two dying for each other at the drop of a hat lets him know that. But...sometimes a person needs the words."

"Men don't..."

"Oh no, you do _not _start that shit. Not with me. My sons will grow up to be man enough to admit they love someone and _say _it." She sighed again. "Come on. I'm hungry. Let's go grab something to eat at the food court then let's go home."

He reached out and gently grabbed her arm. "Ryan..." he started.

She looked up at him with those big, beautiful brown eyes and he swore he'd probably do anything she asked of him. "Yeah?"

"I'll try, alright? But that's all I can give you."

She smiled. "Did you know your daughter sucks at spelling? She's an angel of the lord, and she can't spell to save her grace. But that's okay. Because she tries. She tries her hardest. That's all I ask. Try your hardest, Dean. I know you'll try and fail a few times. I don't mind that. What I do mind is you not trying in the first place."

He pondered over that a moment and he noticed, though she'd said she wanted to go eat, she didn't move from his side. They were both quiet as they watched Bobby. That's when he heard her chuckle. "What?" he wanted to know.

"Bobby," she mused as she watched the boy climbing some more. "He's part monkey, I know it. It's a shame, too. I swear, these kids are punking me. First it was Hope liking clowns and now Bobby likes monkeys."

"I take it you aren't a fan of either?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

"Got any other phobias for this next one to latch on to?"

She chortled flatly as her hand went to her stomach. "Besides demons?"

He frowned. "Good point."

Again, they let silence reign, just enjoying the evening. "He fell, when he was about a year old, Bobby did," she told him. "He's been walking for forever it seems. Well, running, anyway. He fell headlong into a wooden chair. Cut the absolute shit out of his forehead. He should have had stitches, but the doc didn't want to strap him down and knock him out for two stitches, so they steri-stripped it. He's still got a scar on his forehead. You can't really notice unless you're looking for it."

"Why didn't Hope heal him?"

"She was gone for the weekend, with Tory and Andy. They'd taken her to see a movie she wanted to see and then for an overnight at a hotel. She so rarely gets to go places..."

"Were you scared?"

"Terrified," she admitted. "He was dripping blood like a sieve and he was crying...and then, he just stopped. He looked at me and smiled and that freaked me out worse. The head always bleeds the worse, or so I'm told. Did you know, most of the time you get a concussion, it's from the side of the head, not the front or back? I didn't know that. But now I do. I also know he'll probably fall and get hurt again. I like knowing I won't be alone to have to take him to the E.R. right by myself next time. I mean, sure, you may be gone hunting, but you'll _be _there, in spirit, you know? I'll call you and you'll calm me down and..." She shook her head and kissed his lips softly. "Thank you. You didn't have to...you could have chosen to walk away, Dean, but you didn't. So...thank you."

He watched her walk to get Bobby, his thoughts churning. He would be here for her, for the kids. He swore that to himself. He saw her kneel down to Bobby's level, and whatever she said to him got him excited enough to climb down and take her hand. She led him to his stroller and strapped him in. She glanced up at Dean. "Ready, babe?"

He swallowed again. Yeah. He was ready. So, even though he was terrified, and this whole thing really was scaring the shit out of him, he smiled. "Yeah. Let's go." He wrapped his arm around her and called for Hope to join them again.

They were walking past a watch store when he stopped. "Hun?" Ryan inquired. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I am. But, uh, mind if I stop in here?"

She shrugged. "You've been patient with Hope and I for the past hour and a half, sure."

"Good. I wanna get something for Sam. He's got this thing about watches and..."

She held up a hand. "Say no more. You should do nice things for him."

"Especially since before I left the bunker, I short-sheeted his bed and wrapped all the toilets in saran wrap."

She giggled. "You're terrible."

"Oh, that's nothing. Trust me. The prank wars used to be God-awful. But now, I figured he needed reminding that I'm back."

She gave him a soft look. "I think he'll love a watch, Dean. And he probably won't mind the pranks, either. Do you have money?"

He just barely held in the chuckle, though he gave her a half-smile. "Am I kept man now?"

She shot him a sour look. "Just wondering. Last time I heard, you made a living on credit card fraud and pool."

"Like you haven't hustled pool."

"Of course I've hustled pool. What kind of hunter do you take me for?" He almost laughed at the offended look on her face. "However, I also have a business and I make custom cakes on the side for extra cash. Plus, I'm extremely frugal. Ergo, I have some money if you'd like some."

He shook his head. "I'm good."

She shrugged again. "Okay. But hurry. I'm starting to get hungry and so is Bobby boy, aren't you?"

"Eat!" he cried enthusiastically.

Dean chortled at his boy. He definitely had his daddy's appetite. "Alright. Gimme five minutes." He ducked in and after perusing the selection of watches, chose one he knew Sam would love. He didn't bother having it gift wrapped...he wasn't a chick. And Sam would like it no matter if it was gift wrapped or not.

He walked back out of the store...into a cat fight. He saw Ryan deck some chick and he grabbed her from behind before she could give the woman a beatdown. "What is going on?" he bellowed, and that was when he got a look at the chick who was holding her eye. "You!"

Her eyes narrowed, though he could tell one was starting to swell. "I'm going to sue your ass!"

Ryan snorted. "Good luck with that. I live on Food Stamps and have Medicaid. I don't have a dime, lady."

"Of course. You trailer trash whore!"

Ryan growled and lunged for the woman again. "Hey! My mama lives in a trailer!"

"Okay, okay," Dean stated calmly. "Let's go. We're starting to cause a scene..."

Ryan shoved his arm away and began pushing the stroller toward the door at a clipped pace. Dean was all grins and giggles as he loaded the bags and the stroller into the back of the SUV. He was still smirking and chuckling under his breath as he climbed in the passenger side. "So...uh...was that necessary?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed before she grinned. "Necessary? No. Pleasurable? Every damn day."

He chortled. "Okay. I hear ya. You go, 'Dean'."

Her lips pursed as she cranked the vehicle. "Like you didn't want to hit her."

He wouldn't argue about that. "That shit about Food Stamps and Medicaid..." She didn't have it that rough, did she? He would do whatever it took to feed and take care of those kids, even if it meant going straight and getting a job, giving up hunting.

She smirked. "I am frugal, yes. I clip coupons, not because I have to, but because I want to. As for the other...honey, I'm on a whole new level of screwing over people. Now I screw over the government. So much better than credit card fraud, don't you think?"

His mouth fell open. "Damn. I'm impressed. I never thought of that."

She just waggled her eyebrows.

They were quiet a moment as she adjusted the air conditioning and slipped her sunglasses on her head to battle against the bright summer evening sun that had begun to sink. "Do I wanna know what she said?" he questioned.

Ryan's mouth opened and she paused in thought before she shrugged. "Let's just say she questioned my womanly wiles. I may wonder if I'm enough for you, Dean, but you think I am. So that means no hoity-toity crotch-jockey gets a say."

He smiled. "Damn. Now I'm all turned on. If the kids weren't here..."

She sucked in a breath and blew it out through her nose. "If the kids weren't here, your ass would be had right in that giant backseat. The seats in the middle and back fold down, you know."

"God, I love you," he told her. She just giggled and gave him a wink as she tore out of the parking lot.

"My Mama lives in a trailer?" he asked of the Con-Air movie quote a few moments later.

She shrugged. "Sue me. I like Nicholas Cage."

He just laughed.

* * *

"I'm so not ready for this, Ryan," he muttered as they pulled in.

"Come on, Dean. I'm the one that's afraid of clowns, not you."

He glanced up at the sign for Plucky Pennywhistles. "Yeah, but I'm not ready to take my kid in there. Do you _know _what's in those ball pits?"

She chortled. "Luckily, we aren't going to Plucky's."

"We aren't?"

She shook her head. "I need cash from the ATM at the end of the parking lot. The place I'm taking you only accepts dinero."

"Oh my God, Daddy! You're gonna love it!" Hope crowed from the backseat.

He glanced up at the sign. "So...it's better than Plucky's?"

"Yes!" Hope exclaimed. "It's so good! Trust me, you'll love it! At least at Lulu's, the pizza does taste like ass..."

"Hope Deanna!" Ryan reprimanded. "Language!"

Dean chuckled. "The kid ain't wrong. Plucky's pizza sucks."

Ryan shrugged as she stepped from the car. "Okay, she's right. But still...language!"

She shut the door and Dean glanced at the back seat and nodded. "Yep. It definitely tastes like ass," earning giggles from Hope.

The place they went really did have some of the best pizza Dean had ever had. It was thin crust, almost cracker-like it was so thin. He had questioned why Ryan ordered three large pizzas for the four of them, but then he realized...the larges were huge, but he ate a whole one by himself. He smiled as he sipped his beer. "Damn, Ryan. This is awesome."

"I know, right?" she managed after she scarfed down another bite of supreme, minus olives. "It's terrific. And Lulu rocks. She's such a sweet old gal. She's ancient but she's just plugging along. Her hubby, Bob, still comes in and makes the pizza crusts from time-to-time."

"Well, it's kick-ass, that's for sure." He glanced at the arcade room where they had about five video games and a helicopter the kids could ride on for a quarter a piece. Hope had this look of determination on her face as she shot ducks on some game with a toy shotgun. "How's she stay in business with Plucky's down the road?"

Ryan held up another slice of pizza. "Does this answer your question?"

Dean grinned and snagged a piece of her pizza. "Hey!" she cried indignantly, but she was smiling as she said it.

"Okay, so, not getting into your business..." he began.

Her eyebrow rose. "But?"

"Aren't you supposed to stay off caffeine?" he questioned after the waitress left after refilling Ryan's Coke-Cola.

"Technically? Yes. But you can have it in moderation and you can't eat pizza without drinking Coke. It's unnatural. Just like you can't eat Mexican food without Mountain Dew."

He chuckled. His woman had some personality quirks. But he was beginning to learn and love them all. "Chinese?"

"Pink Lemonade," she shot back as she cut another piece for Bobby. The kid had already eaten two whole pieces and had picked the sausage off of another. Apparently sausage was the boy's favorite. "So, about this dance..."

She smiled. "Uh-huh?"

"I don't technically have to dance?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Usually the dads take one turn around the dance floor with the girls and then the girls kind of dance with their friends." She winced. "Unfortunately, the DJ will more than likely play stuff you don't like."

"Such as...?"

"Taylor Swift, One Direction, Justin Beiber..."

Dean's lip curled. "Well now I'm feeling nauseous."

Ryan chuckled. "You'll do fine. If it's any consolation, Hope only likes Taylor. So she'll probably grouse right along with you about The Beibs."

"Good. At least she's not completely corrupted."

"Hey, I don't like that little dickweed, either, okay? So, no passing judgment on me for my own musical tastes."

"You like The Backstreet Boys," he pointed out.

"A few of their songs. And honestly, occasionally it is the artist, not the lyrics that are bad. Some of the new songs have great meanings, they just sound like shit."

They sat in companionable silence for a while, just enjoying being together. This was nice. A pizza night, being with his kids, his woman...he could probably handle this.

"Down, pweese!" Bobby commanded from his high-chair some time later.

Ryan looked him over. "You're covered in sauce. Was the pizza good?"

"Sausage!"

Ryan chortled. "Yeah, you do love some sausage, don't you? Okay, let's get you cleaned up..." she made to stand when Dean held out a hand to stop her.

"I can clean him up. You got wipes in the bag, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay then, we got this. Wanna finish the night with a little I-C-E C-R-E-A-M?"

She smiled. "Fast thinking, spelling it. Yeah. Sounds good. Let me pay the bill and get Hope."

"Is she just a social butterfly or what?"

Ryan chortled as she glanced at their daughter in the arcade room. She was showing another girl how to aim the gun to shoot those ducks. Honestly, it looked like a game Dean would have enjoyed playing. "Yeah. I have no idea where she got that one from. I'm as anti-social as they come and you...well, you're only sociable if you're looking to get laid."

His mouth fell open. "I take offense to that."

She reached over and ran a hand through his hair and down to his cheek before she kissed him. "But you're not arguing with me."

He watched her walk away and hated to admit she was right. He wondered, briefly, if they'd been able to grow up as normal kids, would they be happy and smiley as Hope? Or was that just Ryan raising her correctly making the kid be as bubbly as she was? Or, was it because she was an angel inside that vessel? Who knew. And honestly, it didn't really matter, did it?

He tackled cleaning up Bobby, who giggled every time he tried to wipe under the little guy's neck and Dean smirked. "Ticklish just like your mama, huh, buddy?"

"Daddy? Up?"

Dean nodded and picked him up. "Yeah, bud, let's get you up and go. You ready?"

The boy put his thumb in his mouth and Dean remembered him doing that the last time he was with them. "You getting sleepy, Little Big Man?"

He snatched up Bobby's bag, pleased Ryan had a denim number that didn't resemble a purse for the boy, threw it over his shoulder, and started to walk from the table. An older lady sitting in the booth next to their table reached out and grasped his arm. "I love seeing you and your young wife with your kids. It does my heart good. Reminds me of my Richard. He was always so good with the kids. I used to say it was because he was on the same mental level..."

Dean chuckled. "Well, that's about right, ma'am."

She patted his arm. "You treasure this time. It'll be gone before you know it."

He smiled. "Yeah, I guess it will."

He met up with Ryan at the door, who was all smiles. "I swear, Dean Winchester, you can't even stop flirting with the little old ladies, can you?"

He shot her a look but smiled. "Yeah, well, she was a sweet old bird. Probably had money, too."

Ryan giggled and unlocked the car doors. Dean sat Bobby in his carseat and fastened him in. "I didn't notice, you switched his seats. Now he's behind the passenger side."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. It's easier to hand him stuff since I'm usually flying solo."

"Dad, I can't wait for you to see the dress I got. It's so pretty and it matches your outfit, too!"

Dean looked at her and gave her a genuine smile. "I bet you'll be beautiful, Hopey."

"You both will be," Ryan told them. "I can't wait to get pictures."

Dean and Hope both pulled the same face and Ryan giggled. "Yes, I'm going to get pictures. Both of you suck it up and deal with it." Once they were all in the car, Ryan said, "Okay, Dean, tell them where we're going next."

Dean looked at Hope. "Who wants ice cream?"

Both the kids called "Me!" and Dean just shook his head. Yeah, he could get used to this whole Dad thing.

* * *

Tory didn't come in the next day as she was supposed to. Instead, she breezed into the cafe on Thursday morning. Dean was reading the paper in a corner booth and he heard Hope shout, "TORY!"

He glanced up to see his daughter wrapped around Victoria Allard. He hadn't seen the woman in a few years, but she looked the same. Long black hair, perma-smirk in place, long legs encased in leather pants, hippie air around her...for some reason, he didn't like her. Not hate, he didn't hate her, but he was feeling a grudge toward the woman and he couldn't remember why. Had a hunt gone bad with her? No. They'd only worked a case or two with her during Eve's heyday. He knew Bobby had done a few jobs with her, so, what was it? He couldn't put his finger on it...

But Tory was one of Ryan's best friends, so Dean put on a smile as Hope, Ryan, and Tory approached.

"Dean? You remember Tory Allard, don't you?"

Dean shook her outstretched hand. "Hey, Allard, yeah, I remember. How you doing?"

"I'm fine as frog-hair," she said with a smirk. He thought he detected an accent, but he couldn't quite place it. "And I'm starving. What's the special, Ryan?"

"Weren't you supposed to be in yesterday?"

Tory shrugged. "Eh, met up with an old friend, had a wild time. Nothing big." She glanced from Dean to Ryan and back. "Nothing this big. Tell me everything. Leave nothing out. I want in-depth details."

Ryan snorted. "Not with little ears present."

"Not ever," Dean growled.

Tory's eyebrow rose. She whispered something in Hope's ear and the girl stood and bound for the kitchen. "Why, Deano? Afraid I'll laugh at your little Johnson?"

"Trust me, honey, ain't nothing little about my man," Ryan warned before Dean could even open his mouth. He sat back and smirked. Yeah, let Ryan talk. She seemed to have this conversation covered.

Tory sighed and sat back. "Fine. I'm still pissed. I'll get over it only because I'm happy for you, Ryan. You look...you look like you're glowing."

Ryan winced. "Yeah, see...the thing is..." She blew out a breath. "Okay, so, I've lied to you, Tory. I've lied to everyone. Only Jody knew the truth..."

"About...?"

"The kids are Dean's. And they're mine. I told you the truth, I really couldn't have kids, well, not until I got a visit from an angel, who fixed everything inside and...well, anyway, I had to promise to have Dean's kids to fulfil a prophecy."

Tory blinked. "So...that would be why Hope introduced him as 'Daddy' on the phone when I called. Makes sense. Okay. So, when you left Phoenix...?"

"I was knocked up with Bobby. I couldn't tell. No one was supposed to know. Dean didn't know."

Tory nodded. "And Andy?"

Ryan grimaced. "I have to tell her. She was going to come, but she got a call from the year-around school. They need her to work full time this year. She just finished a vetala case for me and now she's working."

"And the reason you couldn't go out on a hunt? Besides hooking up with Mr. Sexy Brooder over here?"

"I'm...kind of pregnant again?"

Tory chuckled. "Honey, you can't be kind of pregnant."

Ryan smiled. "I'm three months."

"Congratulations!" Tory gushed and leaned across the table to hug Ryan. "Girl, I'm so happy for you!"

"Really?"

"Of course! I mean, you know I only ship that stuff online. I knew it wasn't real."

Ryan snorted. "You sure about that? You've gotten into some pretty heated debates about it."

Tory shrugged. "Eh, well, now I've got a new OTP! This is exciting! And I get to see it unfold firsthand."

"Not firsthand. You aren't invited into my bedroom, chick."

"Damn. Well, fine. I can imagine."

"I've read some of your fanfiction, Tory. Trust me. You can imagine so well it makes me uncomfortable."

Tory cackled and Dean had a feeling he was out of the loop. "What are you two talking about?"

Ryan and Tory exchanged a look before they dissolved into giggles.

"What?"

"You wanna tell him, or should I?" Tory managed.

Ryan cleared her throat and was still smiling as she stated, "Tory ships Destiel."

"Des...huh?"

Ryan's lips quirked as she tried not to laugh again. "You know the Supernatural books are online now, right?"

"God help me. You read that crap, Allard? I thought better of you."

Tory grinned and Ryan added, "Yeah, well, a lot of people have certain 'ships' or relationships they want to come to fruition."

Dean nodded. He remembered hearing about how some people thought he and Sam should be...together. It was gross. "Yeah. And?"

Ryan was still attempting not to giggle. "And there's a ship called 'Destiel'."

"So you've said. But I don't know what that..."

"Think about it," Tory stated. "Back when Brad and Angelina first started dating, what were they called?"

Dean's brows furrowed. He remembered that. He liked Angelina Jolie, but he still didn't know how Brad could cheat on Jennifer Aniston. "Bradgelina or something, right?"

Ryan nodded. "Mixing two names is common with ships."

Dean thought a moment. Destiel...Destiel...Desti... "OH COME ON!" he shouted. "Seriously?! Me and Cas?! That's just..."

"Hot," Tory told him. "Nothing hotter than two good looking guys going at it. Am I right, Ryan?"

Ryan shrugged noncommittally.

"Yeah, but...he's an angel and a dude, Allard!"

Tory shrugged again. "So? He's sexy, you're sexy, it fits."

"I am not gay," Dean growled.

"Oh, I never thought you were," Tory said with a grin. "I just wondered if maybe you were bi. Which, hey, so am I, so it wouldn't bother me any."

"It wouldn't bother me either," Ryan told him.

Dean's brows furrowed. "Huh?"

"If you were bi," Ryan stated. "I mean, honestly, I think everyone should be. You fall in love with a person, not their sex, right? I mean, if Tory finds a chick that she loves, they can always find ways to have sex that's pleasureable. A dick isn't necessary."

"But it's good. Really good," Tory added with a whine.

"You're such a whore," Ryan teased.

Tory grinned. "You know it."

"But besides the whole 'Destiel' thing, Tory has a crush on your angel," Ryan informed him.

Dean's mouth fell open. But a memory came, unbidden...

_They were all standing around in the bunker; Gabriel, Jon, Hope, were all grown, Cas was there, and Dean. They were waiting for something. "Jon, please, promise me this," Cas whispered, but Gabriel could hear him anyway._

"_Yeah, Cas?"_

"_When you go back, do not introduce me to Victoria Allard."_

_Jon's face was increduous. "But...Cas...man, you love her. She's the love of your existence."_

"_I do. I love her so much I am not the angel I had become again. I lost myself in her. I can not do that again. It does no good for angels to fall in love."_

"_It didn't stop Hope. It isn't stopping Gabriel."_

"_They are...more than me. I can not do it. Not again. Please. Keep her and I apart at all costs. Please, do not let me suffer this broken heart again."_

_Jon nodded. "Sure, Cas. Whatever you say." _

He glanced at the woman who was currently making a lewd joke. This? She's the one Cas fell for? Not literally. Dude was still an angel, but...The arguments he could make...instead, he asked Ryan, "Did you think that kind of stuff about me and Cas, too?"

Ryan chuckled. "Dean, sweetheart, I really wouldn't care if you were bisexual. I also wouldn't have cared if you did fall in love with Cas. I love you, good or bad. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you because it wouldn't have been fair to him, but, no, I was fairly certain you weren't doing the angel."

"Well, good. At least someone knows the truth."

"But it would be hot, am I right?" Tory wondered.

"Oh, yeah, totally," Ryan agreed.

"Hey!"

Ryan giggled. "I think we're making him uncomfortable."

Tory tossed a long hank of her hair behind her shoulder. "I don't care. You know I don't."

Dean cleared his throat. "Are we done talking about my sexuality now?"

Ryan chortled. "Yeah, I think we're done."

"So? Tell me about how everything came about!" Tory exclaimed and Ryan began telling a little about their love story...

* * *

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny. He laid in bed and pondered the past few weeks, Ryan tucked into his side, snoring slightly. He knew he'd have to get back to his real world soon and he honestly didn't know how Ryan was going to take it. He couldn't stay up here in South Dakota. He knew it, and he had the feeling she knew it as well.

She had sat him down and they'd talked about the move. She was definitely going to move to Kansas. She'd put an offer down on the house near the bunker, but she had a lot of stuff to do up here as well. She had to get this one ready for sale, she had to figure out what to do with her business, she had to actually _sell _this house...it wasn't going to be easy. And it wasn't going to be next Monday when he pulled out, either. He was going to stay through the Fourth for Bobby's birthday, and the weekend after it, but then, he had to go. He had to hunt. Sam had told him he'd found a vengeful spirit in Nantucket who was starting to stir up trouble. That meant drive time plus time to gank the thing. No, their lives were fluid. They had a home base, sure, but they still spent most of their time out on the road.

He smiled as he looked down at Ryan. It was so neat watching her interact with the kids. It was as if he saw a whole different side of her. Bobby had a strict ritual for bedtime and you didn't mess with it. He got a story and a song every night. It was fun to watch Ryan tell the stories he remembered as a child like Goldilocks, Jack and the Beanstalks, The Three Pigs...that one was the one he enjoyed the most. It was hilarious watching Ryan tell about the big, bad wolf. She made it so much fun for the kid, he usually dissolved into a fit of giggles. And the songs...they weren't your garden variety songs, no, they were Girl Scout songs. Dean had a hard time figuring out which one was the funniest. There was one where Hope danced like a penguin as Ryan sang, Bobby really liked that one, but there was the Tarzan one, then one about a beaver, which Dean snorted about for hours afterward, making Ryan punch him in the stomach, but that didn't stop him from snickering, to the one about pushing Boy Scouts into the river. He had wondered if maybe he wouldn't fit in with them, but he realized, they easily made room for him in the nightly rituals and before he knew it, he was voicing the daddy bear, the giant, and even the big bad wolf once Ryan taught him how she told the story. He liked the fact she kept it truer to Grimm's stories, too. The pigs _did _get eaten. But then, she always put her own spin on the stories, too, talking about how Jack picked up a hatchet to chop down the beanstalk, "You should always keep your hatchet sharpened. You never know when you'll have to chop a vampire's head off." It amazed him and he loved every single minute of it.

The alarm clock chose that moment to go off and Ryan groaned as she reached over to turn it off.

"Good morning, Sunshine."

"Fuck mornings," she growled as she stuck her head under her pillow.

Dean laughed and stood. He went to the bathroom and came back out to find her still with her head buried only now she was covered from head to toe under the sheet. He looked at the bed and noticed one toe sticking out. He smirked as he walked over to the end of the bed and tickled her foot. She gave a shout and sat up, glaring at him. "Low blow, Winchester."

He smirked. "What? Ticklish?"

She laid back down on her back this time and continued to glare. "My feet are sacred. You don't touch my feet while I'm in bed."

His eyebrow shot up. "Is that so? So...if I did...this..." He snatched her foot, but instead of tickling it, he began peppering it with featherlight kisses before he sucked her toe into his mouth. She whimpered. "Don't like that?"

Her eyes closed and her hands moved to her breasts, massaging them lightly before she tweaked her nipples. "You'd better not stop now."

He smiled softly as he moved up her long legs with kisses until he reached her underwear. "I need you, Ryan."

"You have me, Dean," she told him softly.

"Thank you."

She looked at him. "For what?"

"Just...being you."

She smiled. "Come here and be with me."

He slithered up her and kissed her tenderly. "Are you okay this morning? Need something to eat? Need to pee?"

Her face softened even more with her smile. "I'm great, baby. Thank you for taking care of me."

"That's my job as soul mate and baby daddy, right?"

She giggled. "I guess it is."

He sat up and stood, pulling her underwear with him. He slid his own off and then joined her back on the bed. This was a lazy Saturday morning. Sure, they had a lot to do today to get ready for the dance, but for now, he had her right where he wanted her. He wanted to take his time with her this morning. They hadn't had a lot of time alone together in the past few days. She'd given Bo time off since he'd worked in her stead so that meant she'd been at the diner long hours, closing up every night.

They'd also stirred up buzz around town. A lot of people knew he was somehow related to Bobby, they'd seen him around enough from before, but him hanging out with Ryan, picking Bobby up from preschool, Hope giving him hugs and them eating together in the evenings, him taking the kids home, getting them ready for bed while Ryan closed up...they were getting tongues waggling. It didn't bother him, but he didn't want Ryan getting the brunt end of things. Of course, Jody was right there, too. He was enjoying spending some time with the sheriff. She was one cool customer. He wished Jody and Bobby had...well, it never did well to wish for things, did it?

But right now, he had her right where he wanted her. "You're so beautiful," he told her as he came back to her.

She blushed slightly. She wasn't used to accepting compliments. That was okay. He'd just have to compliment her more, until she accepted the fact he thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. And she was. She was stunning. Even with her hair in a tangled halo around her head and sleep wrinkles on her face, she was perfection. "I love you," she panted as she arched to meet him.

He smiled and flipped them so she was on top of him. He pulled her face down to his and he brushed kisses to cheeks, forehead, nose, and then her mouth. "I love you too," he breathed as she shifted and they became one.

* * *

"Jody's here!" Ryan called from downstairs. Dean had just gotten Bobby dressed for the day. Little Dude was staying at the house with Tory while Dean and Ryan set up the space for the dance. Apparently there were going to be a ton of moms helping that night, but volunteers had been thin across the wire for the setup, which was shitty in Dean's opinion.

It was a lucky thing Ryan had Sandy's Doughnuts making the cupcakes for the event or she would have had to make two hundred of those little suckers, too. He was glad he was there to help her with this though. Clearly she needed all the help she could get with this event. He stopped by Hope's door and knocked. "Come on, kid. Mom's got a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" he heard from inside.

Dean grinned. "Yeah. So hurry your little butt up. Get dressed in some shorts and stuff."

"Okay! Be right down!"

He walked downstairs to hear Ryan say, "She's going to love this, Jody."

"Eh, well, how often do you get to really be a girl, am I right?"

"I'm jealous."

"Wish you could go, too."

Ryan shrugged. "I've got my work cut out for me." She looked up as Dean stepped on the last step. "And luckily I've got help."

Dean leaned over and gave her a kiss before taking the boy to the kitchen. Jody was taking Hope for a manicure and a pedicure before the dance tonight. He heard Hope's squeals of delight as he poured some Kix into a bowl for Bobby and he was just fixing a cup of coffee for himself when Tory came up the steps from the basement. "Tell your brother I said thanks for leaving the skin mags behind. I got a lot of use out of them last night along with my Pink Pleasure Probe."

Dean just looked at her. "Are you always this crude?"

Tory pretended to think a moment before she answered, "Yes."

Dean chuckled. "Good to know. How do you like your coffee?"

"Is it real or that decaf crap preggies have to drink?"

"It's real," Ryan told her as she walked in. "I'm skipping coffee since my acid reflux has been bothering me."

Tory grimaced. "That must suck."

"What sucks is getting heartburn from pineapple. Ugh. Nope, I don't want any pineapple again in the near future."

Dean winced. She'd wanted pineapple for dessert two nights before, so, she'd bought some at the grocery store, only to be up half the night with the after effects. He had to admit, this pregnancy crap was definitely not for men. They'd chicken out in a heartbeat.

"So, you guys have a lot to do over at the church?"

Ryan nodded as she walked to the pantry. "It's a blank canvas. I've got a ton of stuff to decorate the place with."

That was an understatement. She had her expedition loaded and they'd had to fill the Impala's trunk and backseat just to get it all over to the space. There were games and decorations and one of them had to go pick up the cupcakes...but he had the feeling Ryan knew how to do it up right. She had about ten different lists and she'd been in planning mode all week. One of her booths at the diner was her 'office' as she worked on it while she worked.

Ryan came back with a bottle of water and two granola bars. She tossed one to Dean. "Move your ass, Winchester. I've got a ton of stuff to do today."

He snapped to and saluted her, earning a chuckle from Tory and an eyeroll from Ryan. She shook her head at him. "I'll see you in a few hours, Tor." She bent to give Bobby a kiss on the head. "Be good for Aunt Tory, okay?"

"Kay," he answered before shoving a handful of cereal in his mouth.

Dean followed Ryan to the church and he glanced at it. It was a small white number with a sign that read Westbrook United Methodist Church. "This is where you come on Sundays?"

Ryan nodded. "I'll probably go tomorrow, too." She smirked. "You planning on attending with me?"

He tried to remember the last time he'd been in church, and realizing it had been when he'd deflowered the Casa Erotica chick, remained silent.

Ryan smiled. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to go. But Hope loves the Sunday School and Bobby plays in the nursery. You can chill out at home and then when we get back, we can go grab a bite to eat."

"No, you go, I go, right?"

Her smile grew. "If you want to. No pressure, I swear. There's a lot of couples that don't go together. I know a few of them. It's cool."

He nodded. It was something to think about. Though, he probably needed to go give the Big Guy some thanks for all of this, even if he wasn't sure anyone had their listening ears on...

Ryan selected a key on her keyring and led him to the side building. "We're having it in the fellowship hall..."

The church looked small, but this place was huge. "Wow."

Ryan snorted. "Tell me about it. Go start pulling stuff out of the cars. We need to organize it before we start putting stuff up..."

He nodded and just like that, they began working. They really did make a hell of a team. She was a drill sergeant but in the best way. She told him how to do, what to do, and when to do it, but by the end of four hours, the place was transformed. "Damn, babe. You've outdone yourself."

She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face and wiped her brow. "It does look pretty damn good, doesn't it?"

It looked like a carnival. There were games along one wall set up in 'booths' and there was an area of wooden flooring the local clogging group usually used on Thursdays for the dance floor. There was a refreshment area with fresh lemonade she'd made at the diner and a giant cupcake tower that looked like a circus tent. There was a hotdog roller standing on go, and the cheese was melting in a crock pot for nachos. Yeah, it was definitely going to be one hell of a party.

"Come on. Let's go home and get ready. I still have to get dressed and be back over here by the time the first volunteers arrive."

Dean didn't have to leave with Hope until right at time for the dance, so he let Ryan shower and get completely ready and back out the door while he kept Bobby out of her hair and Tory helped her get ready. Then, once she'd left (without him seeing her, which irritated him) he showered, shaved, and pulled out the clothes she'd bought him. He was surprised when he found a pair of jeans, a black button down, and a green tie, along with a new super soft leather jacket. She had a note attached to it; "Dean, you're a bad ass. You always go against the rules. You've got the sexiest car on the planet and you ooze charisma. You don't need to be in a boring suit. You need to be the cool dad. Just be yourself. The cover story is already in place. Go and have fun with your daughter. Love you, Ryan"

He grinned and quickly got dressed.

He walked downstairs and heard a whistle from the living room where Tory was playing on the floor with Bobby. "Damn. Looking good, stud."

He smirked. "Thanks." He walked to the kitchen and pulled out the corsage he'd stopped and picked up for Hope. It cost a damn mint, but it would be worth it. Ryan had almost melted when he told her he wanted to get the kid one and she'd told him Hope's dress was dark purple, her favorite color, so pick something with a hint of that color in it. He'd chosen some white little flowers with little dark purple ones too. It was pretty and it would look good on her wrist, he'd bet money.

He was walking back down the hall when he heard Hope's soft footfalls on the steps.

Dean smiled and felt tears stinging his eyes as he looked up at her. Her dress was about knee-length and it had wide straps over her shoulders. The whole thing was a deep, dark purple, but it was decorated with clear rhinestones on the top and at the waist. He swallowed hard as she reached him. "Wow. You look...you're beautiful, Hopey." The little girl blushed and he added, "You look...so much like your mom at that age."

She smiled. "Thanks, Daddy."

And just like that, he could see her as an adult. She was dressed in a similar dress, but she had a tattoo of the Men of Letters star and words written in Latin. He blinked and that memory was gone. Instead, his ten year old daughter smiled up at him.

He was having a hard time breathing. The tears were threatening to choke him as he slipped the corsage over her hand. "We, uh, we need to get going."

"Are we driving your car?"

He nodded. He'd polished and waxed Baby until she shone. He wanted his daughter to roll up at the dance in style. "We sure are."

"Awesome."

He chuckled and led her out, opening the car door for her and he remembered doing the same for Ryan, once upon a time, down in New Orleans. She had been so surprised he'd acted gentlemanly. Well, John Winchester might have been a hard-ass dick on occasion, most ocasions, but he'd taught both his boys how to treat a lady. He had to hand that one to his dad.

On the way to the party, Hope talked incessantly. Honestly, she could out-talk Sam, and that said something. It was good, though. He enjoyed hearing his daughter talk. She had so much to say. He kept the music down low and before he knew it, they were back at the church.

"I'm so excited!" Hope gushed as he held her hand and helped her out of the car. She practically pulled him toward the door and then, there they were. The place was already about half-filled with girls and dads and he was pleased to see he wasn't the only one looking uncomfortable. He heard Hope squeal and he felt her hand slip from his grasp as she ran and collided with another girl who was a bit shorter than her. The girl was dragging a man behind her and judging by his looks, it must have been her dad. "Dad, this is Emily's dad. Bye!" Hope shouted before the two ran off toward one of the games.

Dean chuckled and the other man did to as he held out a hand. He was dressed in a formal Army uniform. "Ray Jones."

Dean shook his head. "Dean Winchester."

"Emily's been talking nonstop about meeting Hope's dad. I heard you were in witness protection?"

Dean nodded. It was the lie they'd come up with, him and Ryan. It fit. "Yeah. Me and Ryan and the kids had to separated for...damn, way too long."

The man regarded him a moment. "Where'd you serve?"

Dean chuckled. Most everyone assumed they were military. This time, he went with it. "Hell." When the man just looked at him, Dean grinned. "It's classified. But the witness protection...that was about something else. Also classified. Or rather, I don't want to talk about it."

The man nodded. "I'm a Ranger. I get that."

The two men snagged a drink when the first song started and Dean groaned. "How in the hell can they call this music?"

"I don't know, it's a little catchy, right?"

Dean didn't think so. And just like that, he knew Ray wasn't going to be his bestie. "I'm gonna go find Ryan."

"See ya," the man said as he started bobbing his head.

Dean's lip curled as he walked around, trying to find Ryan. He found Hope, who had already won a few prizes, including a lollipop she said she'd save for Bobby because they were his favorite. "Where's your mom?"

"Kitchen, I think," Hope stated dismissively as she stepped up to accept the rings for Ring Toss.

Dean cut through the crowd quickly enough and made his way to the kitchen. He saw her then, from behind. Just like in his dreams, she had on those pantyhose with the seams up the back and she was wearing a retro looking red dress. He was wondering why it looked familiar to him but that left him as she turned and smiled. She'd done her hair up like a 1950's pinup and had on the reddest lipstick he'd ever seen. He wanted to wipe it off her face and kiss her until she was breathless. "Hey, babe!" she gushed as she came over and kissed his cheek before she wiped the lipstick print off. "Having fun?"

"I met Ray, Emily's dad. He's a douche."

Ryan snorted. "He's a nice guy, Dean. Just because he's not like you doesn't automatically make him a douche."

"So you say."

She smirked. "I'll make this up to you."

"Nah, it's fine. Just wanted to check on you. You need anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm good. Just getting these hot dogs on, then I'm about done in here. I'll be floating around to help here and there so I'll be seeing you."

He pulled her close and kissed her on the hair so he didn't mess up her makeup and walked back out. He did, however, hear the woman in the kitchen with Ryan gush, "Oh, my, God. If he was my husband, I'd never let him out of my sight."

Ryan sighed. "Yeah, I hate to see him go, but I love to watch him leave..."

Dean chortled at her "Face/Off" quote and walked back out to find his kid.

Two hours later, he hated to admit it, but he'd had fun. He'd played games with Hope, they'd eaten until they were both about sick, and he'd even danced with her a few times. The music still blew, but it was fun. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed it even more when Ryan informed him that Ray was taking Hope home with him so the girls could have a sleepover and she was leaving the Expedition so the clean-up crew could put the stuff in it, so that meant she would be riding home with him.

As he tore down the road, Ryan snuggled into his side, whispering dirty things into his ear as her hands began teasing him, he marveled at how much his life had already changed. What other changes were on the horizon?

* * *

**AN2: So...who melted seeing Dean taking Hope to the dance? My guy has taken our girl to three different ones. And just like Dean, he HATES them. But she loves them, so he goes and appeases her like a good daddy should. LOL**

**In case you haven't noticed...Ryan and Dean are butting heads a little bit. This time around, they don't have to tiptoe around being a demon and not. They're both human. And as such, they're both going to make human mistakes. But, uh, more on that next week. TTFN! Love ya. J**


	40. Love The Way You Lie

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supernatural. But if I did...oh the fun we would have...**

**AN: Hi everyone! I'm SO glad I made you smile last week with the new chapter! I love Dean and Ryan being happy! So, I hope this week ya'll don't flame me...there's some rough waters ahead. Trust me, it's resolved by the end of the chapter, but the middle is kind of angsty...I waffled over if I wanted to include this or not. My pre-reader (who loves the story as much as I do, and co-writes a LOT of it with me via text message) LOVES it. So...I'm posting. Just...she and I have read over it multiple times. I was worried it was OOC, she was worried I wasn't violent enough. LOL. So, this is what we came up with. So, if you hate it, blame G. Ha! Just kidding, sugar! MWAH! **

**Warnings this chapter: Domestic abuse (potential), verbal abuse (potential) and alcoholism. Guess that covers it. If you've gotten THIS far into my story, ya'll know how dark and twisty my mind is. **

* * *

**July Ninth**

**Ryan POV**

She was floating in a bubble of happiness, kind of like Glinda in The Wizard of Oz. She knew the bubble would eventually pop, but for now, she was floating as she carried the batch of muffins into the Police Station. Her smiles only grew as she passed out the sweets to Frank and the rest of the guys before sailing into Jody's office.

"Well, well, look who is all rainbows and butterflies this morning," Jody commented as she snagged a muffin.

Ryan grinned. "Yeah? Well, what's not to be happy about, right?" Dean had left first thing Monday morning, promising to come back as soon as he could. He and Sam were headed out for a vengeful spirit case over on the east coast. She didn't expect to see him for a least a week, but that was okay. She'd still see him. Soon.

Jody looked at her a moment before she shook her head. "Who knew he'd turn you into such a _girl, _Fawcett."

"Shut up," Ryan told her playfully.

"No, I like it. It's a good look on you."

Ryan opened her mouth to gush a little bit when she glanced up at the clock. "Shit. I've gotta go. We will wax poetic another time. Dinner tonight?"

"What's on the menu?"

"Tacos."

"I'm in. Me and Annie will bring...something?"

Ryan laughed. "How about tortilla chips and cheese dip from the Mexican place on Broad? Oh! And the hot salsa, medium for Hope. I'll make pico de gallo."

"Sounds awesome. Thanks."

Ryan smiled. "I think, finally...I think this is going to be good, Jody."

Jody's tone was wistful as she came over and gave Ryan a hug. "Me too, girl. Me too."

Ryan was still smiling as she walked down the road toward the diner. It was too nice of a day to be cooped up in the car. She was just about to cross Main Street when she heard her phone beep with a text.

Dean: Miss you

She grinned and typed back: Is that so? Hmmm...well, I miss you, too. Call me tonight once you're shut up in your room tonight.

Dean: Tell the kids I'll see them soon.

She sighed. He hasn't told the kids he loved them, but she knew he would. He admitted he loved her. That in itself was a monumental leap. He'd tell them when he was ready. And too, just because they were his kids, and he thought they were awesome, that didn't mean he automatically loved them. She understood that. It would come when it came. Hope didn't seem to be having any issues with the fact he hadn't told her. She'd told him and that was enough for the girl. For now, anyway.

So she sent back: Will do. Love you.

Dean: Me too.

She couldn't quite help the smile as she slipped her phone back into her pocket and looked both ways. Today she was going to get started on a few things. They were moving. She'd talked to Hope, and the kid was all for the move. She'd also called down and put a bid on the house. Now she just needed to get hers listed and talk to Bo about the business. She knew Bo really loved the diner, way more than she did, and he had a good head on his shoulders. Maybe he would be willing to work to own it. She could be a silent partner, let him handle everything, with an option to buy, down the road. She needed to talk to him. Then, she needed to get started looking into getting Hope's transcripts for school, both her and Bobby's medical records from their doctors, she needed to find a good obstetrician to handle her and Jon's care, the list continued to grow. It wasn't going to be easy, moving to be closer to Dean, to the bunker, but it would be totally worth it.

She couldn't wait. She walked back into the diner to find the breakfast rush fading, but still a bit hectic. Hope was manning the drink fountain and Bo was taking an order for what looked to be some out-of-towners. It didn't take much to recognize tourists just stopping in. She smiled to them and went to her back booth, the one she'd transformed into her 'office' for the move. She had lists made out regarding everything that would need to be done, and the first thing was _Talk to Bo. _It was still too busy now, so she set about refilling drinks and seeing if any of the tables needed anything, but her heart wasn't in it. Instead, she was thinking of Bobby's birthday, out by the lake.

She had figured Dean knew how to swim, but she had never seen him near water. It was comical, seeing him in a pair of trunks...sexy as hell, but odd, seeing him in so little clothes. Sam, too, for that matter. Both of them actually looked uncomfortable. But that had faded. They'd spent the day sunning, then that night, watched fireworks and ate hot dogs and sang Happy Birthday to Bobby with Jody and Annie. Tory had wanted to stay, but she'd gotten a call to help a friend on a case, so she'd booked it out of there the morning after the dance.

Ryan smirked as she thought about the dance. There might come a day thoughts of Dean wiggling his ass in time to Taylor Swift might fail to make her giggle, but it wasn't today. Hope had wanted to spend the night with Emily, and her dad hadn't minded, so she'd gone off with Em, then Ryan had Dean all to herself. They'd taken the Impala and just drove for a while before parking and staring up at the stars, talking on the hood of the car. Of course, that also led to doing...other things on the hood of the car, but, eh, it happened.

Dean told her how that had always been something he and Sam had done, stargazed on the hood of the Impala, one of their few happy times together, and Ryan heard the wistfulness in his voice. She'd told him she knew he and Sam would be back to normal soon. She didn't much care for Dean's answer of, "Nothing's going to be normal again," but she let it go because she knew he was still processing. And whether she liked it or not, it was a hell of a lot to process. Especially for Dean. So she was giving him a lot of leeway with his feelings.

Frowning slightly, she continued working, her smile returning as she worked side-by-side with Hope until finally, the din died down and she walked over to Bo. "You got a few minutes?"

He nodded and slipped a pen behind his ear. He'd shaved both sides of his head, so now all that was left on his head was a two inch tall green streak down the middle of his head. She kind of liked it, though the blue tended to bring out his eyes. "Nice haircut."

He smiled. "Thanks. What's up?"

She gestured toward the booth and began talking about her decision to move, about how now that things were settling down, she wanted to go back home, to Kansas, and she knew how much he loved the diner.

He was blown away by her offer and wholeheartedly agreed, however, she encouraged him to talk it over with someone, first. This was a big step, becoming a partner in a business. He was young and just starting college classes. Could he handle the strain of it all? If so, she wanted him and only him to be the one to take over the business. He promised to mull it over, but he knew the answer would still be 'yes'. She knew it, too.

Later that evening, Ryan invited Bo to dinner with them while Miguel closed up. Usually on Wednesday nights it was slow due to it being a church night. Ryan smirked as she remembered how uncomfortable Dean had been on Sunday as they'd gone to church. He'd sweated like a whore and she'd just giggled and kissed his cheek as they all sat, filling up a pew in the balcony. Bobby was always in the nursery, but Jody and Annie had joined them. Jody made a crack about Dean being in church and it had almost made him blush, making Ryan wonder what on earth had caused that reaction. She was fervently glad she'd decided to skip Sunday School. She had the feeling Dean would not have been able to handle that in the least. But he'd been good during the service, had shaken the pastor's hand as he left, and honestly, had seemed to pay attention, which was interesting to say the least.

The conversation around the table was nice and light during their taco dinner and Ryan couldn't quite help but notice the little glances Annie was shooting at Bo. She raised an eyebrow and sent Jody a pointed look. Jody watched the two silently, shyly flirt and she frowned, causing Ryan to smile. Annie had lived a rough life. She could handle dating.

By the time everyone left, Bobby was nodding off and she decided to skip his bath. She washed his face and brushed his teeth and he was boneless as she laid him in bed. He was too tired even for his bedtime story.

She walked in to Hope's room and sat on her daughter's bed. "Hey, you."

Hope looked up from her desk. She had been on her mother's laptop. She had been eager to look up some more information about the Impala and the Falcon. Since Dean had given her a mini crash course in tuning them, Hope had only wanted to learn more. "Hey, Mom? Can we talk?"

Ryan nodded. "Of course, sugar. About what?"

The girl stood and walked over before flopping onto her bed. Ryan laid back and they looked at one another.

"What's up?" Ryan inquired.

The girl bit her lip, a trait she'd picked up from Ryan. "I don't wanna go to middle school."

Ryan snorted. "Pretty sure that ship sailed, sugar."

Hope shook her head. "No, I mean, I want to skip it and go to high school."

"Hope...you're ten years old."

"I'll be eleven in the fall. You've already fudged my records so I could start school early. Fudge them again."

Ryan blinked. "Why? Why the interest in attending high school?"

Hope shrugged. "I don't know. Something's telling me I need to go to high school. I can tap into my angel memories...that will help me with school work..."

"Hope..."

"Please? Mom, I feel it. I don't know what, and I don't know why, but I need to be in high school."

Ryan looked her daughter up and down. "You are still a child."

"But I look older, don't I?"

Ryan nodded sadly. Hope had started filling out a bit. She looked older than her ten years, well, almost eleven. She looked young, but not too young to be a freshman in high school. A bit younger than the others, but that could be adjusted by a change in her clothing, letting her wear makeup... "Why would you want to go to high school?"

Hope's brow furrowed. "I don't...I don't know. I just know I'm supposed to be there."

"Your spelling suggests otherwise."

"I can improve that. Now that I have some of the angel memories, I can tap into them, use them to help me..."

Ryan's lip quirked. "Isn't that called 'cheating'?"

"No. They're already my own memories, remember?"

Ryan blew out a breath. "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Give me one reason I should do this."

The girl paused, thinking. Finally, she said, "I want to hunt. I'm supposed to be a hunter. If I get out of school three years early, then I can go ahead and start hunting."

Ryan stood and shook her head as she walked to the window, the one Hope had burst when she'd found out Dean had died. Jody had it fixed while Ryan was in Kansas with Dean. "Hope, you're a child. Gabriel gave you a chance to go back and live as a child. Enjoy that time."

"But...being a teenager, being a hunter, that's what my life will be like now. I am a child. I've been one, for the past ten years. Now I need to start growing up."

"Most kids aren't 'grown ups' until they're at least eighteen, and even then..."

"I'm not most kids, Mom."

Ryan turned to look at her. "No, you most certainly are not. But Hopey, with high school comes all sorts of grown up stuff."

Hope shot her a look. "Mom. I was an angel in a man's body the first time around. I can handle that kind of stuff."

Ryan shook her head. "Hope...I have no doubts you'd be able to handle that, if it came to that. But...you're a girl this time around. Things are different."

"Are we seriously going to have the sex talk again, Mom? We went over the mechanics of it. I'm smart enough to realize I'm not ready to cash in my v-card yet."

Ryan winced. "My god, you're like your father. Crass already, I see. She sighed. "Let me think about it. I think we should talk it over with your dad."

"Why's he got a say in our decisions? He never has before."

"He wasn't here before."

"Who's fault is that?" Hope replied tersely.

"Curb the attitude, angel-face. You may be an all powerful angel, but you're not too old for me to spank," Ryan warned.

They stared at one another until Hope turned away first. "I want to do this, Mom. I need to."

Ryan went to her and kissed her forehead. "We'll talk some more. Give me time to process this. You've been my whole world for the past eleven years, Hope. I'm going to have to get used to the fact you're an angel. I'm going to have to get used to the fact you're growing up. I need to work this out in my head. Please? There are so many changes on the horizon...I just need..."

Hope flung her arms around her mother. "I love you, Mom. You're doing great."

Ryan chuckled flatly. "Some days, I'm not so sure." She kissed her daughter's hair. "Okay, bedtime. You gonna read?"

Hope nodded and picked up a book from the nightstand. "Emily let me borrow her Minecraft book. I want to work on some hacks she taught me and..."

Ryan held up a hand. She didn't understand any of that game stuff. She really wasn't interested. She liked simple games that required no thought, like Subway Surfers. But, she had to admit, Minecraft was good for building Hope's hunting skills, in a roundabout way, anyway. "Okay, but only for thirty minutes, okay?"

"An hour."

"Forty-five. Final offer."

"Sold!" Hope stated with a giggle.

Ryan smiled and hugged her daughter again. "I love you, angel-face."

"Love you, too," Hope told her dismissively as she started reading.

Ryan shook her head and walked out.

Ryan went to her bedroom and started getting ready for bed. She wasn't sleepy, not really. She laid in bed and picked up her tablet and went to her kindle app, reading one of her newer books. Annie had been reading the Divergent series and talked Ryan into reading it. She was just on the first book, but she really liked it.

She was just at the part where they were playing "Capture the Flag" when her cell phone beeped. It was a text from Dean: What are you wearing?

Ryan's lip quirked. So, he wants to play, huh? She sent back: Nothing. I'm naked and wanting. Contemplating getting myself off.

Two seconds later, instead of a reply, her phone rang. "Do you know what you do to me?" he asked as soon as she answered.

She giggled. "No. Tell me."

"Damn it, Ryan, I'm on a case."

"What are you doing right now?" she asked him innocently.

"We're researching."

"Oh. Too bad. You know," she started breathily, "I've never had phone sex before."

He let out an almost inhuman whine and she heard him state gruffly, "Gotta run out to the car, Sammy. Be back in a few minutes."

She bit her lip as the smile broke across her face and she quickly went to her door, flipped the lock, and undressed. She went and laid back down and waited. The only light from the room came from the bathroom and it cast an almost romantic glow into the space. Her breath caught as she imagined him sitting in the Impala, probably in the backseat, getting comfortable. Because she had no doubts, if he was going to get her off over the phone, she damn sure was going to reciprocate.

"Okay. You there?"

"I am," she breathed. "Where are you?"

"Backseat of the car. Do you realize, I've never done this either?"

She snorted. "You mean you've never called any of those 900 numbers?"

"Honestly, no."

She blinked. She kind of liked knowing she was his first something. "Well, what do we do?"

"I guess we'll just have to play it by ear."

"Oh, I like that. I love the taste of your ears. I'm going to swirl my tongue into your ear, Dean."

She could almost hear him shiver. "Fuck, woman. If I get arrested for jacking off in the back of my car..."

She giggled. "I'll make sure to pay Sam back for the bail money. After all, it will be my fault."

"Good to know. So...you're naked, on the bed, right? Give me a description."

She licked her lips as she thought. "Well, I've got all the lights off except for the light in the bathroom, so I'm mostly in shadow. It's quiet here."

"Okay. Do you have a toy or something?"

She turned over and reached in her bedside table. She had to get herself off occasionally. No one can go years without orgasms, even if they are created by your own hand. On the plus side, she knew just how to touch herself to get the most satisfaction. She glanced at the few vibrators she had and selected one. "Yes."

"Tell me about it."

"It's, um, it's purple."

"Interesting. Give me some details."

"Well, it's very soft and flexible. It has a clitoral stimulator on it with little rubbery fingers to tease and massage the clit while the head is supposed to be angled to hit your g-spot."

He was almost breathless as he inquired, "And does it?"

"Yes," she replied, her own tone slightly winded.

"Okay. Get your lube. I want you to put it in, but don't turn it on, not yet."

She licked her dry lips. They were really going to do this, weren't they? She was so wet already, she didn't need lube, so she inserted it and couldn't quite help the whimper. It wasn't large, not even normal penis size, but it was all she needed at the moment. She clenched around it and whined. She could hear him making a few noises as well, on the other end, and she knew he was feeding off her sounds. "Now what?" she whispered.

"Now, I want you to move both of your hands up to those perfect tits of yours. Massage them. I want those nipples so hard they could cut glass."

Her hands dove to her breasts and she blinked. She rarely played with them. Usually, it was a need to get off, to blow off some steam, so fingers and toys were for down south. She'd not really played up here. She tweaked a nipple experimentally and deciding she liked it, quickly began pinching, tugging, pulling, imagining it was his teeth and mouth on her. She licked her fingertips and then put them back on her nipples and that made the image of him licking and biting all the more realistic and she let out a long moan.

"Fuck, Ryan, you have no idea what you're doing to me."

"The feeling is mutual," she panted.

"Okay, now, I want you to turn that vibrator on. Don't move it, yet, just turn it on, let it get your motor running."

She clicked the button and it started a low buzzing she could feel inside, as well as up against her clit.

"Lay still," he commanded, and she was powerless to do anything but comply. She waited with bated breath until he said, "Okay, start playing with those nipples again. I want you dripping wet before we really start playing."

_Holy shit! If this is foreplay, what's he want me to do to actually come? _She continued teasing her nipples almost until they hurt, but it felt so damn good, she couldn't stop if she wanted to.

"Now, I want you to start thrusting that little toy in and out, in and out," he breathed and she could hear he was starting to get a little breathless, too.

She pulled the toy almost all the way out before she slammed it into herself. She cried out, but she didn't come, though, she was feeling close.

"Don't you come until I tell you to," he told her.

She sucked in a breath, but nodded, even though he couldn't see her. She continued thrusting, her hips now moving of their own accord. She felt it. She was going up, up, up, "STOP," he demanded, startling her.

She blinked. "What?"

"Stop. You can't come yet."

"But...Dean..." she whined.

He chuckled.

"Sadist," she growled.

"You love it."

She really did.

"Take the toy out, all the way out of you, Ryan."

She swallowed and removed it, sitting it on the bed beside her.

"Touch yourself. Tell me how wet you are."

Her hand moved down her stomach, over her mound, and to her slit. "Soaking," she admitted.

"Good. I want you to put a finger inside of yourself."

She eagerly complied.

"Now add more until you feel full."

She added two more fingers and moaned. It wasn't as good as him being in her, and it didn't feel quite as good as the toy, either, but she thrust a few times, enjoying the full sensation.

"Now, take those fingers out and put that toy back in, turn it to the next setting. It goes higher, right?"

"Yes," she murmured.

"Good. Do it now."

She put the toy back in and flipped it on higher. She almost came just from that sensation alone, but she held off.

"I want you to touch your nipples, going back and forth from one to the other with the hand you didn't use to fuck yourself."

She was doing everything he commanded her and it didn't occur to her not to.

"The other hand, the wet one, I want you to lick."

She stopped. "Huh?"

"Lick and suck those juices off your fingers, babe. Taste yourself. See why I love to eat you."

She moaned at his words and complied, tasting the salty, heady taste of herself.

"You're delicious, aren't you?"

It was the first time she'd done this. She had tasted herself on his lips when he came up to kiss her, and it wasn't disgusting. But this...this was erotic in a way she hadn't experienced before. And just like that, she was at the top again, almost falling off the edge...

"Stop!" he commanded again. "Take that toy out. Now."

She huffed out a frustrated breath. "Damn it, Dean, I was almost there!"

He chuckled. The bastard chuckled. "I know, baby, I know. I'm almost done teasing you, I swear."

"You'd better be," she groused.

"Okay, put the toy back in, but I want it on its highest setting. Does it go higher than it was?"

"It has high, then it has intermittent settings."

"Oh, yeah, put it on the highest intermittent settings. I'm gonna make you come so hard..."

She bit her lip and did as he asked. "You better be getting something out of this, Dean."

"Trust me, babe, my dick hasn't been this hard since I left you Monday morning. I could beat someone to death with it if I hit them over the head."

She giggled. "Are you touching it? Are you imagining it's my soft hands instead of your rough, calloused ones? Are you rubbing until you get wet? Are you taking that little pearl of precome and wiping it up and down your shaft, imagining you're fucking my mouth?"

"Fuck, Ryan. This is about you. I get mine. Trust me."

"Okay. Just wanted to make sure."

"Put that little purple cock back in you, babe. Turn it on."

She did as he asked and she gasped as she brushed her over-sensitive clit. She was going to explode soon.

"Now, I want you to fuck yourself until you scream my name. Can you do that? I want you to ride that toy as hard as you can as fast as you can. Pound your clit, baby, until you see stars and can't stop coming."

She started thrusting, soft at first, and then harder, harder, harder. The little nubs tickled and teased her clit until she felt the rising tide, still, she continued thrusting, beating her pussy and clit until she felt it, the wave washed over her and she shouted, "Fuck! Dean!"

He let out a long growl and called out her name as well.

Her whole body was on fire as her head fell back onto the pillow. She somehow managed to pull the toy from her body and tossed it to the bed. "Damn," she managed.

"Fucking hell," he murmured as he panted. "Holy shit, Ryan."

She giggled and then yawned. She was tired now. Tired and sated. She'd never come that hard without him there before. She had the feeling her hand would never do it for her again.

"Shit. I've got come all over the back of my baby."

Ryan giggled again. "I would say I was sorry..."

"But we both know you wouldn't mean it." He told her.

She yawned again. "Thank you. I needed that."

"Trust me. The pleasure was all mine, babe."

"Love you," she murmured, almost asleep.

She heard him chuckle. "Love you, too. Goodnight Ryan."

"'Night..."

* * *

**July Seventeenth **

"Come on, Hope! We'll be late for work!"

"Coming!" Hope called as she walked into Ryan's bedroom and stopped. "Did Dad leave?"

Ryan nodded. "He left last night."

"When?"

Ryan's jaw ticked. He'd come back for the first time two days ago, spent some time, it had been great. Then, she woke up this morning to find a note on the pillow. Her blood all but boiled thinking about it;

"Ryan, Garth called with a job. Looks like we've got a rogue werewolf on the loose. He can handle it, but he said the girl is someone me and Sammy know. We're booking it out of here for Washington State. You looked so peaceful I didn't wanna wake you. See you in a few days. D"

She'd tried calling him as soon as she woke, but he didn't answer, which was no surprise. She was hoping he'd answer but no go. She figured they must have driven all night. She was glad she'd told Sam to always stay in her basement so they didn't have to pay for a motel while they were here. No need to spend money on something that didn't need to be spent. It wasn't like they were made of green anyway.

Ryan's jaw ticked. She was trying and failing not to be angry and jealous. Angry, because he left like that, and jealous because she wanted to be out on a hunt with them. She hated being on the outside, looking in. It was frustrating.

She glanced down at her slightly rounding stomach and sighed. It wouldn't be long and everyone would know she was pregnant. She wasn't sure what she'd do about the tongue waggling in town yet. She was haggling with the owners of the house in Kansas. She wanted it, but she didn't want to get screwed over, especially since she hadn't had a bite on her own house yet. Of course, she figured she could rent this house if she actually got the one in Kansas. It was empty, the old woman that had lived there had died peacefully in a nursing home, so the house had been abandoned for the better part of ten years. Her children were milking the sale for all they were worth. It had sat on the market for the past six months without even a nibble and now that Ryan was coming along to buy it, they were trying to get every red cent out of the joint they could. It was maddening.

"Mom? You okay?"

Ryan blinked. She hadn't realized she'd been standing still, thinking, for the past five minutes. "Crap! Yeah, let's go. Bobby's dressed and ready."

"Want me to grab us some Pop Tarts for the ride?"

"You're a godsend, angel-face."

Hope smiled. "I know."

Ryan watched her daughter walk away and shook her head as she smiled. She loved that kid. She couldn't help it.

* * *

**July Twenty-Second**

She was just tucking Hope into bed when she heard a rumble of an engine roaring up her driveway. "Dad!" Hope shouted as she leaped from the bed and ran down the stairs. Ryan blew out a breath and followed her. She made it to the bottom of the steps in time to see Dean wince as Hope hugged him for all she was worth.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Ryan asked, concern overshadowing her annoyance at his departure. She was still pissed over the note. She couldn't help it. It was a dick move. He had to see that.

"Fine," he growled and she was over to him in an instant, tugging at his shirt. "I'm fine, Ryan."

She blinked. It was a stab wound. Not too deep, but if it had been an inch to the left... She sucked in a breath. _He's fine, Ryan. He's a hunter. How many stab wounds have you gotten over the years? _

"Here," Hope stated softly as she touched the wound. Ryan saw the girl concentrate, and she watched as the wound knitted back together.

"Hey, thanks. Sammy's coming in. He's got a couple a bumps and bruises. You got enough mojo left to fix him up, too? I think he might have a concussion. He got slammed around pretty hard back there."

"Sure!" the girl eagerly agreed.

"Don't wear yourself out, angel," Ryan warned. "You remember what happens if you use too much juice."

The girl nodded solemnly before she dashed out to the car. Dean smiled. "It's kinda nice having an angel around all the time. That's going to be convenient once she starts hunting..."

Ryan bit her lip to hold her comment in. Hope wasn't something to be used. She was a person. But she took a breath and blew it out. Dean looked exhausted and she had no doubts he booked it back here as soon as he could. "I'm glad you're here," she told him truthfully.

"Yeah, me too."

"Is Garth okay?"

"He's good. He's got a new pack member. Girl named Kate. She got handed a bad deal."

"Don't we all?" Ryan mused softly. "So...shower, then straight to bed, Mr. Winchester."

He smirked. "I like the way you think, Ryan."

She rolled her eyes. "Shower. Sleep. Then we'll see about sex."

He pouted. There was no other word other than that. She smiled. "Maybe I'll give you a blow job before you pass out...if you can stay awake that long."

He gave her a little salute and took his bag up the stairs. She watched him go and blew out a breath. _It'll be easier, better, once we're together all the time, _she vowed. It would, wouldn't it?

* * *

**August Third **

Ryan blew out an exhausted breath as she scrubbed the carpet in the cargo area of the Expedition. When she'd agreed to make Baked Beans for the church-wide "Picnic on the Grounds" she hadn't anticipated a car slamming on breaks in front of her, causing her to need to swerve, slam on breaks herself, and beans to fly all over the back of her car. Now she was attempting to shampoo the syrupy mixture out of her carpet.

She sat back on her heels and scraped a wrist across her sweaty brow. Her thoughts, as they often did, traveled to Dean. He was driving her crazy. She knew he had jobs to do, she knew that. But between the move, selling the business, getting Hope ready for school which the girl was still trying to convince her to go to high school, she just hadn't had time to discuss it with Dean and she knew when they did, it would be another drama filled decision, she was exhausted. And he wasn't here to help. No, he'd come in twice since Bobby's birthday. Once, he was on his way through to another case after the werewolf one, so it was a 'wham, bam, thank you, ma'am' kind of deal, and the other time, he'd...he'd actually slunk out in the middle of the night. She was beginning to feel like he was just after sex.

Sure, he was great with the kids, and she loved him, but she was beginning to feel like they were an inconvenience to him and she wondered if maybe she wasn't making the right decision. Part of her knew once they actually got down to Kansas and set up some parameters, it would be better, but this holding pattern her life was in was getting old, quick.

Of course, she also realized she wasn't being fair. He and Sam had been hella busy, she knew that. They'd had a vengeful spirit, then Tory asked if they wanted in on a Tulpa she was investigating, then Cas had popped up with an angel issue they'd helped out with, plus that werewolf they'd come back from, both of them injured. They'd only stayed a full day and two nights before Sam had them another case. She wouldn't say she hated Sam in that moment, but there was a strong case of dislike as she'd watched them leave this last time. They should have stayed and rested. Granted, Hope had healed them, but still...

"Bobby? You okay up there?" The little boy was pretending to 'drive' the car while she cleaned. They had dropped Hope off yesterday. She was going to be gone all week to Girl Scout away camp. She'd decided once they moved, she didn't want to be in Girl Scouts anymore, so this was a last hurrah for her. Ryan smiled as she thought of the first heated words their daughter had with Dean the weekend after Bobby's birthday. They had gone to buy her a new backpack to take camping since the one she usually used had ripped during their camping trip at the beginning of March. Dean had been joking about how Girl Scout camp and camping with Girl Scouts was 'glamping' or glamor camping.

Ryan had seen it...that Winchester flash temper cross Hope's face and before she knew it, Hope was decimating Dean with her words, telling him that while, yes, Girls Scouts tended to have its fair share of crafts and glitter, Ryan had taught her girls how to survive in the wilderness, and, yes, the camping trips they'd taken hadn't been a test of strength or actual survival skills, but if he thought it was so easy, he should try taking ten hormonal, pre-pubecent girls out camping for a weekend without wifi, makeup, or cute boys to look at and see how he did then. Dean had looked horrified and so had Hope, but the girl had stood her ground. Later, that night, she told Ryan how she was sorry she'd snapped at Dean, but how he needed to realize Ryan was worth more than the joke of a punchline. Hope's sense of justice had always amazed Ryan and she had hugged the little girl, thanking her for standing up for what she believed in. She could have worded it better, but she was proud of Hope for feeling the need to stick up for her mom.

"I otay!" Bobby called out before he resumed making the 'vroom vroom' noises.

She smiled up at him. She could see his hand on the steering wheel and a glance out the front window of the car showed dust on the driveway before the Impala roared up.

"Daddy! Daddy here!" Bobby shouted.

Ryan frowned, but shook her head. She'd called him two days ago and hadn't heard a word from him in reply. She would have at least liked to know if he was coming or not. They were planning on leaving next Sunday for Kansas. Hope got back from camp on Saturday. Her room was already packed up and Ryan needed Dean's help getting everything to their new house. She'd already located a trailer for Demon, but it would be nice to have a little help. Especially since Jon had decided to finally pop out. She rubbed a hand over the gentle curve of her stomach. He was definitely growing and she was starting to feel him move more. She was hoping Dean could feel it this time.

She glanced down at the stain on the carpet and scrubbed a bit more as she heard the Impala's door open and Bobby shouted, "Daddy!" as he all but hung out the window.

"Robert Gabriel! Be careful you don't fall out on your head!" she chastised.

"Hiya, bud!" Dean called to the boy and Ryan saw him pull the boy out of the window into his arms to receive a hug as he walked around to the back of the SUV.

He let out a whistle and Ryan realized he was staring at her butt as she scrubbed the carpet. "Nice ass-sets, babe," he commented, covering the curse word. Bobby had started repeating certain words, causing her to toe the line on what she said around the boy. Dean had found that out the hard way as he'd muttered a word before he left after Bobby's birthday.

She smirked. "Thanks." She glanced at the spot one more time, and, deeming it done, gathered her supplies and slowly backed toward the gate of the car. Getting up into the back had gotten a bit harder now that her stomach was in her way, but she managed. She stood and Dean blinked. "Whoa. You're really starting to poke out there, aren't you? Damn. What a difference two weeks makes."

She felt tears stinging her eyes. _He doesn't mean you're fat, Ryan, he's just talking about the baby..._ So she put on a smile and nodded, rubbing her stomach gently. "Yeah, he's growing."

Dean smiled then leaned in to kiss her. "How are you?"

Her heart melted. "I'm great, thanks."

"Good. Where's Hope?"

She sighed. _Did he forget that quick? _"She's at camp, remember? I'd wanted you to see her off, that's why I called you a few days ago..."

"Yeah. Ugh. Vampire nest. Nasty mothers. But I'm here now. What do you need?"

_You. I need you to be here, Dean. You said you were all in, remember? _But to him, she just said, "We're supposed to move next Sunday. I just need your help with boxing things up, doing a few things around the house..."

He nodded. "Sure. Come on, boy," he growled playfully as he threw Bobby over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Let's go in the house and help Mama."

Ryan watched them go and sighed. _He's trying his best, Ryan. Remember that. _This wasn't easy on him, she knew. Well, it wasn't a walk in the park for her, either.

* * *

Later that night, she let him put Bobby to bed. She was exhausted. Not just tired, but exhausted, and she thought she was coming down with a sinus infection. It was too late in the year for spring allergies, too early in the year for the autumn ones, so she figured she was just getting a plain old summer cold. At least, that was what she hoped. She didn't need to be sick. They had too many things they were doing.

So she tiredly dropped to the couch and felt herself dozing off.

She was jostled as Dean plopped down next to her and she smiled as she snuggled into him. "Missed you."

"Missed you, too, babe," he murmured into her hair. His hands began exploring her and she playfully swatted at them. "What?" he asked.

"I'm tired, Dean. Let me recharge, okay?"

"Really?"

"Yes, Dean. It's not easy cooking a kid, okay? And I'm looking after Bobby all damn day and I had the church thing this morning and Hope's not around to help me and now that the papers went through and the Erickson's are buying this house, it's screwed my timetable and I just need to rest."

"Fine. Maybe I should go."

That woke her up and she leaned away from him, her eyes widening. "What?"

He shrugged. "You don't want me here, maybe I should just go."

She sucked in a breath as her eyes narrowed. "I don't recall saying I didn't want you here. I insinuated I didn't want to have sex. The two aren't mutually exclusive. You can be here and not fuck me, you know."

He shot her a look. "I know that. It just seems like I'm bothering you. You called me, remember?"

"Excuse me?"

"What? I came when you called, just like a good little trained poodle."

Her jaw set. _Oh hell no, _she thought. "I called you two _days _ago, Dean!"

"I was on a case. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to want to be here!" she cried.

"I do, too, damn it! Hell, Ryan, you called, as soon as I was available, I came."

She shook her head and stood. She couldn't be sitting next to him right now. She moved across the room and took a cleansing breath. "Look, I'm trying to be patient and understanding here but you aren't giving me much to work with."

"Call me slow, peaches, because I'm not getting it. What's that supposed to mean?"

She resisted the urge to scream, but just barely. "I called you two days ago, which has been par for the course lately it seems. Your daughter wanted to say goodbye to you before she left for camp. Now, I realize she wasn't going off to war, but she wanted to hear your voice and she had to settle for voicemail." She watched him wince and she felt bad, but not bad enough to still her tirade. He needed to get it. This wasn't a fly by night thing. They were in his life now. For good. Wasn't that what he wanted?

"Damn it, I was on a case! You can't make me feel like shit for doing my job, Ryan."

"Who's trying to make you feel like shit? I was just explaining to you why I called. It wasn't for me, it was for her!" She let out a growl of frustration and stomped her food as she walked to the kitchen. She needed some water. He followed her and grabbed a bottle of booze from the liquor cabinet.

She sighed. "Dean, I understand you were on a case. I get that. You're a hunter. I would never, ever want to take that away from you. But you could at least answer your fucking phone! Unless you were actually in the damn nest when I called, there was no need for you to not pick up, unless you just didn't want to talk to the old ball and chain."

"I never said that! Quit putting words into my mouth, Ryan! I'm here now, damn it!"

She nodded. "Sure. And if by 'here' you mean you finally don't have anything better to do, so you show, play with the kids for five minutes, screw me, then decide the whole 'walk of shame' thing is just too bothersome for you, so you sneak out in the middle of the night, yeah, you're here."

"For fuck's sake, Ryan...I left you a note!"

At that, she snorted. "A note. Sure. Thanks for that. You left me a fucking note telling me you were joining Garth on a werewolf hunt and you'd seem me soon!" She sucked in a breath. "Werewolves still terrify me, okay?! One almost ate mine and your daughter's hearts, remember?"

"Werewolves terrify you. Of course they do. What doesn't terrify you, Ryan?"

She felt as if she'd been slapped. "That's not fair, Dean."

"No, you're right. It's not fair you're trying to be this bad ass hunter when all you are is a scared little girl."

Her eyes narrowed. "Fuck you, Dean Winchester. You don't know shit about my fears and I was afraid you'd gotten hurt, which you did, by the way! I was afraid for you, especially when you didn't call me."

"I don't have to check in with you every time I want to go out on a hunt, Ryan. I'm my own man, you know. I don't need your fucking permission!"

"I'm not asking you to. Damn it, Dean, I just want..." she blew out a breath.

"I was fine, Ryan," he stated, a little less heated than he'd been only moments before. "It was just some wimpy chick werewolf. Garth's got a new pack member, the one eating the humans is dead. It's all good. I had to handle it. It was unfinished business."

"I understand that. But I don't care if _Sam _is the one that turns into the werewolf, Dean! I love you, damn it! I just want to make sure you're okay! It isn't just you and him anymore!"

"I never said it was!"

"Do you realize I acted like I always swore I wouldn't? I waited and waited and waited for you to call. Every. Damn. Time. Then, when you finally do, I all but trip over myself getting to the phone because I miss you and I'm worried about you. Then, you show up a couple of days later nursing wounds that could have been fatal and and I just..." she shook her head. "And you just swagger in like you usually do, acting like you're God's gift to me. Damn. You sure do know how to charm the pants off a girl."

"What the hell, Ryan? Seriously? Now you're fighting because I came back? What are you saying here, huh?"

"Let me spell it out for you, sugar. Did I say charm? I mean manipulate. You get bored or antsy or whatever so you decide to check your voice mail the second you have an itch Sam can't scratch and you come running up here for a quick fix." She gasped. "That's it."

"What?"

She grimaced. "As much as it pains me to admit, I've just become another in a long line of your habits, haven't I? You asked me what I want from you? I want us, together. But not at the price of becoming a call girl for your ego. You say you 'need' me? But we both know Sam's the one you're in a relationship with."

His eyes narrowed and he slammed the bottle down. "The fuck is that supposed to mean? I swear to God, Ryan, you aren't making a bit of sense tonight! You were right, honey, those hormones are screwing you up something royally."

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not fucking _hormonal, _I'm fucking _pissed off!_"

He rolled his eyes. "You're right. My mistake. No way is this hormones. Crazy, yeah, it's sure as shit crazy, but it's definitely not hormones."

Her fists clenched and he had to resist the urge to punch him in the face. "You want crazy? I can give you crazy. Every damn day."

"I just don't know what it is you want. You say you don't want me to change, want me to be a hunter, well, guess what? That's what I'm doing!"

She blew out a breath, suddenly tired. "I just wanna know if I'm doing the right thing, Dean. I mean, do you even want us in Kansas?"

"You know I do."

"Really? I know you're there and we're here, but you could take more than five minutes off work."

"Monsters don't take vacations, Ryan."

"I know that! I'm not some hormonal idiot, Dean!"

"You sure? Because you're acting like it!"

She took a step back as she all but felt the words physically. "All I'm saying is you need to find a balance, Dean! Me and the kids shouldn't have to fight for scraps of your time!"

"Saving people, hunting things, Ryan. I don't have time to..."

"To what? Spend with me? To listen to your daughter talk about how much fun camp is going to be? To teach your son how to throw a ball? To be there when I asked you to the ultrasound?" she hated how her voice cracked. She'd wanted him there. He'd been busy helping Cas with a rogue angel.

"I told you I was sorry for that. I wanted to be there, okay? Once Cas gets the rest of his mojo back, he can beam me back here. But the angels are still figuring that out. I swear to God, Ryan, I wanted to be here. I've looked at that ultrasound picture you sent to my phone a million times, just like I've looked at the pictures we took over the week I was here again and again and again."

She bit her lip. "Wanting and wishing are good and all. But, damn it, Dean, there are other hunters. You don't have to save the whole planet. Even Sam thinks you two are working too hard."

"For fuck's sake!" he growled, and she knew his anger was spiking again. "How in the hell did Sam even get into this conversation?"

Instead of answering him, she plowed on. "You need to stop choosing who to spend your time with and find a balance, damn it! Because, so far, our 'relationship' has consisted of a string of one-night-stands and that's not going to work for me anymore. You said you were all in. Be all in. Or you can choose to be up Sam's ass twenty-four/seven. The choice is yours."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Press pause just for a damn minute. How did Sam get mixed up in all this?"

"Certainly not by _his _doing, I'm sure. I know how close you guys are. But you have a family now, Dean, and you can't just keep putting us on the back burner."

"Sam _is _my fam...wait...are you asking me to _choose_?"

She huffed out a great sigh. "Of _course_ this would come down to a choice, wouldn't it? I understand why, in the past, you've needed to separate the job from your personal life. But now? Your daughter is an angel. One of your sons is an angel/vamp hybrid and you've got a cambion cooking as we speak. OPEN YOUR EYES, DEAN! You might not want to admit this, but I think the job has come home to roost. The job and you personal life are one and the same now! The only one making this an either/or situation is you. And if that's how you feel, then I guess you've got some decisions to make."

"Damn it, Ryan! I shouldn't have to choose!"

"I'm not asking you to!" She ran her hands through her hair. "I'm not her," she all but whispered.

"Who?"

"Lisa. I'm not Lisa."

"Who said you were?"

She sighed. She really did feel like shit. "Look, I'm not asking you to...I'm a hunter, too, Dean. I want back out there just as much as you want to be there. Sam's...not like us. We want to hunt, to kill. We can. You can. I'll still be here. I won't give up on you, no matter what."

"You say that now."

Her fists clenched and she growled. "Damn it, Dean! You're the one sabotaging this! If you don't want us, fine, walk away. Don't look back. But don't do me any favors. I want to feel this pain, okay? So don't try pulling any angel mind tricks on me like you did her. I've got my own angel in my pocket."

"Oh, I know all too well about your damn angel, Ryan! If I remember correctly, you two are the reason why I never knew I had kids unit the third one was on the way! And now you have the nerve to ask me to cut Sam loose?! Suck it up 'cuz that's not happening, peaches. He's my blood."

"HELLO, McFLY! WE'RE YOUR BLOOD, TOO!" she shrieked. "I'm not asking you to cut Sam out of your life, never have, never will, yet here you are, speaking up for him. Well, we need a mouthpiece, too, so I guess I'll be the bad guy since apparently, asking you to make anyone besides Sam a priority in your life is tantamount to a line in the sand!"

They stood there staring at each other, both breathing hard until a soft voice asked, "Milks and chocolates?"

They both glanced over to see Bobby standing in the doorway. Apparently Dean didn't latch the boy's door shut very well if he woke up to their yelling. He usually slept like the dead. Ryan blew out an angry breath as she snatched the boy up into her arms and placed him on her hip. "It's late, Bobby-boy. No milk. You need to go back to bed."

"Daddy stay?"

Ryan's mouth set in a thin line. "I don't know, sweetie. Apparently Daddy hasn't decided if we are his home or not."

"Don't, Ryan, don't do this, not like this."

She sighed and attempted to keep the tears at bay. "I love you, Dean. God only knows how much I love you. But you can't treat us like this. We aren't around only when it's convenient for you." She walked a couple of steps closer to him. "Give Daddy a kiss, baby. Let's get you back to bed. It's way too late for you to be up."

Dean gave the boy a hug and a kiss on his hair. "We shouldn't go to bed angry..." he started.

"Who said I was going to bed? I'm exhausted, I'm pregnant, I'm getting a cold and I'm pissed, Dean. We aren't leaving this house until we hash this stuff out." She turned then and walked Bobby back up to his room.

She kissed him and tucked him back in. "Go to sleep, buddy boy. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Otay."

"Love you, bud."

"Luffs you," he murmured, already half asleep.

She was so tired, but if her and Dean didn't work this out tonight, she didn't know when they would. It couldn't continue to be swept under the rug. It had to be dealt with. "And by the way," she started anew as she hit the first floor, "What's this 'we' business anyway? WE aren't going to bed, angry or otherwise, until you pull your head out of your ass and realize 'we' can be all-inclusive! Damn John Winchester for brainwashing you into believing 'we' can only be you and Sam!" She walked right up to him and jammed a finger into his chest. "'We' includes Sam, just FYI! I have some of Gabriel's memories, too, you know! And I was the one there for Sam when YOU weren't!"

"Yeah, probably riding his dick, too."

She slapped his face. She couldn't help it. They stared at one another. "I hope, for the sake of your balls, you meant that figuratively. Because the only time anyone's dick has been inside of me besides you was when I was raped, you jackass!" He cringed, but she was too angry to stop. "I'm not asking you to choose. We covered that. I want to be your family, too! I want to be yours, Dean, all the time, not just when you feel like getting your dick wet! I want to be Sam's sister and I want to hunt with you guys and I want to research with you and look after you both! Not just you. Never just you. Sam has never had a mother's love. I'd be glad to be there for him...like I was in Gabriel's memories. I was there for him, Dean. I helped fix him. I was there for him when you weren't."

"That wasn't by choice. I was a damn demon, Ryan. I stayed away to keep him safe."

She laughed flatly. "Do you honestly think Sam gave two shakes of a rat's ass if you were a demon? He probably would have let you kill him before he'd have hurt you, Dean. Can't you see I'm exactly the same way? You act like no one can love you. Well, guess what? You're wrong! Sam loves you. I love you. Those kids love you and I don't know what it will take to make you see that." She turned then, and walked out to the front porch. She desperately needed some air.

She stood there, staring at her Knock-Out Rose bush when she heard the door open. "I'm sorry," he breathed as he wrapped his arms around her. She could smell the whiskey on his breath.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Is that your answer?"

"What?" he asked softly.

"That bottle of my best Johnny Walker Blue in your hand. You really think you can argue with me then drown it all in booze and hope like hell we'll have sex and forget it?"

"That's not-damn it, Ryan!" he roared. "Do you have to say every damn thing just to push my buttons?"

She shook her head and tried to pull the bottle out of his hand. He wasn't drunk, but she could tell he was well on his way to being buzzed by the slight stumble as he over compensated. "I do about this. You can't do this, Dean. You can't drink around the kids."

"You drink around the kids."

"I have _one _drink around the kids. Maybe two. I don't get drunk and I don't act like an alcoholic, which is what you are. I thought you had quit drinking!" They'd had a conversation about how he needed to be a little bit healthier now. He'd promised he'd cut back on the booze and maybe try to eat a salad every now and again.

"I'm fine, Ryan. I needed to take the edge off, okay? You come here and just start attacking me with your words and..."

"Okay, first off, you came here, not the other way around..."

"Because you asked me!"

She let out a little scream and tugged at her hair. "That's it. I'm done. We're talking in fucking circles. Get out. Go find a hotel or something. You ain't gotta go home, but you can't stay here."

He took two steps closer until he was in her face and he took one step further until she was backed against the wall of the house. "I'm not leaving, sweetheart. You wanted to hash this out, so, we're hashing it."

"That was before your brought your friend Johnny into the mix. I can't win against the two of you."

"You ever think maybe you're wrong?"

"Not about this. This is our kids lives, Dean. I can't have them around a drunk."

"I prefer the term 'functioning alcoholic' actually."

"I'm sure you do. But it doesn't change the fact."

"I'm not leaving."

Ryan remained stone faced. "Actually, yeah, you are." She pointed at the front yard. "NOW," she demanded.

Dean's expression turned arrogant. "In case you've forgotten, we're soul mates. You know, meant to be, blah, blah, blah. And do I also need to remind you who I am? I'm the righteous man. The son of John Winchester. You should know better than to think I'm gonna let you go, just like that." He snapped his fingers and continued. "Let me make myself clear; there is no way in Hell, Heaven, Purgatory, or any other god-forsaken place that you're gonna live without me."

Ryan was sure her shock showed on her face a moment before she responded, venom dripping from her voice. "Is that a fact? My only response to your whiney little bitch fit is this; you can leave here voluntarily, or you can be dragged off my property."

"I'd love to see you try."

At that, she smiled coldly. "In that case, you mindless, blustering neanderthal, let me remind you of who _I _am. As a daughter of Edward Fawcett, and a vessel of the archangel Gabriel, I'm not one to stand for idle threats from some mouth breathing ape who resorts to dick measuring in a pathetic attempt to preserve a bruised ego. All that aside, I'm gonna give you a chance to leave voluntarily. Or you can be dragged off my property attached to the bumper of that pretty car of yours. After I take a sledgehammer to it. Dealer's choice."

Dean gave her a condescending laugh before growling, "Make me."

She smiled. "Oh, trust me, sugar, it'll be my pleasure." She reached back and hit him with a right hook that had his head snapping back. "Now, get the fuck off my property."

She turned to open the door when he grabbed her wrist. He slammed it into the wall and held her there. "Where do you think you're going? We aren't done yet. Not until we kiss and make up."

She swallowed hard as he moved in closer, fear getting the better of her as her brain short-circuited and that same old horror set in. _You can't let this happen, Ryan. He wouldn't normally hurt you, but he's drunk. And if he takes this any farther..._she didn't want to think about that. She couldn't. Dean couldn't do this to her, could he? She decided not to give him an option, either way. She snatched the bottle out of his hand and cracked him over the head with it at the same time her knee came up and she felt it connect. He doubled over, stumbled, tripped, and fell backward down the steps, landing in the grass.

She let out a cry as she felt the doorknob biting into her back. She reached behind her, grabbed it, and wrenched it open. She slammed the door shut and locked it. Then she locked the deadbolt, slid home the chain, and began to sob as she sank to the ground. Never did she ever think she would have to be afraid of the man passed out on the ground, but for one brief instant, she was terrified. And she knew she couldn't stay here. She couldn't do this. Not now. In the morning, he needed to go. And she didn't need to be here.

"Mama?"

She glanced up at the top of the steps and saw Bobby standing in his thin footy pajamas, Blue held by his tail in the boy's hands and she made up her mind. This shit with Dean had to be dealt with. But he needed to see how bad it could get, first. This wasn't him. He wasn't like this. Well, neither was she. She hadn't been a victim since she was eleven years old. She sure as shit wasn't about to be one now. "Come on, baby. Come downstairs. Let's go for a drive."

"Daddy?"

She shook her head. "No. He's not coming with us. Just me and you. We'll take Demon, okay?"

The little boy clapped his hands and came down the stairs. She snatched him up and put him on her hip. She looked at the door and a violent shudder took her over. "Let's go out the back. Demon's around there." She grabbed her purse and carried the little boy out to the car. Luckily, his second carseat was still strapped in the car from their trip to the lake a few weeks ago. She sighed as she remembered how happy she'd been. She couldn't...she wouldn't think about that. Not yet.

She pulled around the house, and without sparing a glance at the front porch, or the yard in front of it, gunned it down the driveway.

Once she hit the asphalt, she attempted to hold it together as she dialed her friend's number. Jody answered sleepily and Ryan took a stuttering breath. "J-Jody? Can I come over?"

"Sure, honey," Jody's voice was alert now, and wary. "What's going on?"

"I just...we just..." Ryan let out a sob. "I just need to come over. Me and Bobby."

"I'll be waiting."

Ryan flung the phone onto the passenger seat and managed by sheer will to keep the tears at bay, though a few tracked down her face anyway, and by the time she reached Jody's she was almost hyperventilating.

Jody and Annie were both standing on the front porch in their pajamas. Annie didn't say a word as she reached into the passenger side and pulled Bobby out. "Hey, little man. Let's go to my room and listen to some music, okay? You can sleep on my bed."

"Okay!" he exclaimed.

Ryan watched them go for just a moment before her lip quivered and she took in another breath.

"Ryan?" She turned to her friend then and she hated seeing the look of pity on Jody's face.

"I didn't know where else to go."

"Right here," Jody stated as she pulled Ryan close. "Right here."

That was all it took for the floodgates to open and Ryan wailed, standing in Jody's front yard, sobbing so hard she could barely catch her breath.

Somehow, Jody managed to steer her to the porch steps and they sat, her friend's arm around her shoulders until she managed to calm down, just a bit.

"You wanna talk about it, Ryan?"

"We had a fight," Ryan managed with a painful hiccup.

"I'd say that's an understatement."

"I don't know what to do, Jody. I'm trying so hard here. I know he's got to figure this out on his own, but I...I have to think about the kids, you know? They always take top priority, always. They have since the beginning. I chose Hope over Dean a long time ago. I still choose them over him, over my happiness. I have to. It isn't about me now. No matter how much I want it to be."

Jody hugged her. "You're right, Ryan, but this isn't good for you, either. I've seen how miserable you've become these past few weeks. You're so happy when he's here and so depressed when he's not. I don't know if that's your connection to him or not, but it definitely isn't good for you. It seems like you two are doing everything at warp speed here. Maybe you two need to just cool it for a bit...see if...I don't know." She glanced down at Ryan's wrist and she gasped. "He did this?"

Ryan pulled her arm away. She had begun bruising much easier. She wasn't sure if it was the demon blood coursing through her veins or what, but all she had to do was tap something too hard and she had a bruise. "He didn't mean to..."

"I'm going to go lock his ass up right now." Jody made to stand, but Ryan grabbed her.

"Don't, Jody. I took care of it. He's passed out on my front lawn as we speak. He's probably got a concussion."

"Good. But I'm not saying you can't fight your own battles, hun. I watched you fight that demon from your childhood. But still...this...this is uncalled for. Was he drinking?"

At Ryan's silence, Jody growled. "Motherfucker. I'll kill him. I swear to God..."

"Jody, stop."

Jody glared at her and sighed as she sat back down. "Damn it, Ryan, he's supposed to make you happy but all you are is miserable. Jerk a knot in his ass and straighten him out. And if he doesn't straighten out, walk away. You're better than this. You deserve more than this."

"Yeah, Jody, I know, but I already _have _better. He _is _better. He just needs to see it. His daddy screwed them all up so bad...he's trying. I know he can do this. And if it kills us both, he's going to see it, too."

Jody shot her a sad look. "I know you want to see it, the best in him, Ryan, but do you think maybe he's just too messed up for you to fix?"

"I'm with him. For better or worse."

Jody winced. "It'll probably be worse."

"I knew that the day I met him," Ryan told her.

"Ryan..."

Ryan glared at her. "You know what? I can't do this with you, too. I just kicked him, literally, kicked him out of my house. Don't make me kick your ass, too. I'm tired. I'm pregnant. I'm scared to death of this kid cooking inside of me and I'm even more terrified of the demon blood he carries. I've worked my fingers to the bone for the past few weeks with the business and the house and the kids have been on my nerves and I just really, really don't need any more strife. So, let me get Bobby and we'll go. Just...just leave me alone."

Jody looked at her a moment. "You need someone to lash out at, I'm your girl. You know I won't hit a pregnant chick." She jutted out her jaw. "Come on. Free shot. Hit me."

Ryan broke then. She started to laugh and she couldn't stop. But the laughter was clearly hysterical laughter and it quickly turned to sobs again as she sank back to the step.

Jody let her cry then, until, finally, she felt Jody pulling on her, helping her up. They walked together to Jody's bedroom and Jody gave her a gentle push until Ryan laid on the bed. Jody went and got a cool washcloth and tenderly washed Ryan's face. "I love you, Ryan. You're like a sister to me. But know, if you can't fix him, end it. For your own sanity. The two of you may have been written in the stars, but the stars don't say anything about you suffering for the rest of your life."

Ryan nodded, curled up into a ball, and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

**Dean POV **

Dean woke to something wet on his face. Licking? "Damn, babe. You're into licking my face now? Not that I mind..." he opened one eye and saw sky. And the neighbor's English Bulldog. "Ew, Max!" he chastised. "Go home!" he shouted as he sat up, only to clutch his head. He tried to open both his eyes, but one of them seemed swollen shut. His mouth tasted like ass. And his head...he put a hand in his hair and felt a giant lump and a cut. He pulled his hand away and saw bright red blood. Apparently moving had caused it to start to bleed again. He stumbled to his feet and somehow managed to make his way to the door. He tried the knob but it wouldn't open. "Ryan? Babe? What's going on?" That was when his stomach dropped. Had something happened? Had they been attacked? Why couldn't he remember?" "Ryan!"

He ran down the steps, crunching something under his feet. A whiskey bottle. A memory surfaced. And then another, and then he began to remember a few of the things they'd said last night. He grabbed his head. "No...God, no..." he dashed to the back door but stopped dead when he noticed the Falcon was gone. "Ryan?" But even as he walked to the back door to pound on it, he knew, she wasn't there.

He walked back to his car a moment and thought; _Where would she go? _The answer came to him immediately and he dug around in his pocket for his keys, thankful he hadn't emptied them yet before their argument. She went to Jody. Of course she did.

He drove over to Jody's house, wondering how in the hell he'd wound up in the grass with a gash the size of Texas and a swollen left eye. Of course, he had the feeling Ryan was responsible for the shiner. The rest, he didn't know.

He made it to Jody's, and sure enough, the Falcon was parked at the curb. He slid the Impala in behind it and dashed to the door before pounding on it.

Jody stepped outside, already dressed in her sheriff's uniform, gun on her side, and closed the door behind her. "Your son is asleep. I'd suggest you keep it down, Dean, before I haul your ass in for disturbing the peace."

He sighed. "Can I talk to her, please? I don't even remember half of last night."

"That's why alcohol and arguments don't mix. Do you know how many domestic dispute cases I've gone on because someone was on a bender?"

"It wasn't a domestic dispute! We got into a little argument. And I'll have you know it was _not _a bender! It was just a few drinks!"

She crossed her arms. "Is that so? Just a few drinks. Just a few words. It wasn't your fault. You never meant for it to happen...same old shit I hear from every abusive asshole I've ever arrested, Dean."

He felt himself go pale. He knew he beat on Sammy when he got mad, Sam did the same. He didn't...? "I didn't...I didn't hit her, did I?"

Jody sighed. "No, you didn't. But you scared the shit out of her. I hope you're happy with yourself."

"Please, Jody, I already feel like shit..."

"Is that supposed to change anything? You SHOULD feel like shit! And if you're really sorry, Dean Winchester, you'll never forget how you feel right now. I'm warning you; you pull a stunt like this again? I'll relieve her the hassle of keeping your ass around. Because you'll be the kind of dead Sam can't bring back to life." She leaned in a bit closer. "Trust me, he'll never find the body." She leaned back and he noticed her hand was on her gun. "You listen to me, you ungrateful jackass, that girl loves you. I'm sure she did stuff wrong, too, but that is no excuse to scare the shit out of her. She was raped, you putz. So the next time you decide to get drunk and try to have your way with her and scare her to the point she runs away? Remember she already knows what it's like for a man to destroy her. Don't be that man. Be a man Bobby Singer would be proud of."

"Jody...I...I feel terrible." That didn't begin to cover it. He had realized he'd said some things he wasn't proud of, but the rest...he really thought he had a handle on the booze. But he didn't, not really. He remembered then, the times John had hit him when he'd been drunk. It wasn't often, and usually, Dean deserved it for mouthing off or not listening, or for putting Sam in danger, or on occasion, he took the brunt of the hits for Sam, who had mouthed off, but he remembered. And he didn't want to be that man. He didn't want to be like his dad. He wanted to be better.

"And you should! Do you know how long she cried for last night? I had to pick up the pieces of that poor girl after you ripped her apart! This isn't like her and it isn't like you, either, Dean."

He hung his head. "I know."

She sighed. "Here. She wrote you this note. I'm staying here, with her, until you get off my property. Go back to Sam, Dean. Go back to Kansas. Use that time to think, to cool down. If I hear tell of you stalking her house, waiting for her to come home today, I'm arresting you and talking her into a restraining order. Cool off. Go blow off some steam. Screw your head on straight. Then, and only then, are you allowed to try and work things out. I'm circling the wagons. What happens next? It's on you." She turned and slammed the door in his face.

He glanced at the slip of paper in his hand. It was written on a piece of notebook paper, clearly torn haphazardly. There were wet marks on it and he refused to believe they were tears, though, secretly, he knew Ryan had cried over it and that hurt him even worse as he read her words; "Dean, I can't do this. I can't. Go back to the bunker. Think about this. Think long and hard if we are what you want. I can put the stop on the house. We can stay here. It's fine. Don't try to be something you're not. But if you want us, then you need to be in, all in, just like you said you would be. I don't want to take you away from Sam. I only want us to be happy. Can we be happy? If not, then, the kids can come visit you, but we're done. I can't be miserable like I am right now. We can't fight like this again. I deserve better. You deserve better. Think it over. I'm going to give you what you want, Dean. I'm going to leave you alone. You're on your own. Ryan"

He didn't remember getting in his car. He didn't remember the six hour drive back to the bunker, and he didn't remember stopping to fill up his baby's gas tank. But he did it. And when he walked into the bunker, and Sam looked at him with surprise, he only remembered crying all the way home.

"Oh my God, Dean, what happened?"

Dean tried to laugh it off, "Don't ask. But FYI, alcohol and a pregnant chick who happens to be a hunter? Recipe for disaster."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing, man. It's over, okay? We gave it a shot, it didn't work." He shrugged. "That's it."

Sam blinked. "Wait. What? What the hell happened? You were so fucking jazzed to be going. All I've heard you talk about is Ryan this and Bobby that and Hope's a genius just like her uncle Sam. What changed?"

"She doesn't want me, okay!" Dean shouted, thrusting the note at his brother.

Sam read over it with furrowed brows. "But..."

"Yeah. See? Now I'm going to bed. Spending the night passed out in the front yard isn't good on the back."

"Wait, Dean, stop. Just...wait a fucking minute. This...this makes it sound like you did something. Now, I'm sure she's at fault, too, but, tell me exactly what happened.

Dean told him everything he could remember, right up to the point where he drove home. "That's it. So, you see? She wants me to choose between you and them and I can't do that, so..."

Sam decked him, nearly knocking him flat on his ass once more. Dean managed to stay standing, though he stumbled back a few steps and shouted, "The hell was that for?"

Sam just shook his head. "Dean, you're my brother, and I'd do anything for you, but I swear, you've got to be the stupidest son of a bitch alive! Why do you insist on trying to convince Ryan you're the biggest mistake she's ever made? This note? It's a scare tactic, Dean. She's not leaving you alone. She doesn't want you to leave. You're not going to drive her away no matter what you do to her. You're just hurting her."

"Yeah? Well guess what? She's hurting me, too!"

"Then tell her, for God's sake! You're better than this, Dean! She helped pull you back from the brink of being a demon. So? Don't be one. Don't be such an asshole."

Dean opened his mouth, but Sam shouted at him, "I'm not finished!" Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Next time you wanna go off at her half-cocked, stop and think about how you'd feel if she actually _did _walk away. Do you really wanna see her with someone else? Remember, that 'someone else' will be raising your children, enjoying the life _you're_ supposed to have with them. Hell, Dean, you got mad thinking about me being with them when you saw Gabriel's memories! Imagine if she did manage to find someone to fall in love with!"

"But...we're soul mates..."

Sam shook his head. "I talked to Cas. Soul mates don't always end up together. They can easily spend their whole lives with someone else, loving them. Dean, she can find somebody else. It's not out of the realm of possibility."

Dean all but sank into a chair. "But...she's waited this long..."

Sam sighed. "Look, man, the way you're going now, all your kids sentences will start with 'I wish my dad...' And you legit don't want to be that guy. I know you don't want to be. I know you aren't."

Dean put his head in his hands. "What am I going to do? It's one thing to mourn a family you barely remember having. It's another, giving them up for their own safety, but to have it slip through your fingers because you're an idiot..."

Sam stood. "You don't want this over? Then my suggestion is to get up off your ass, hang up your hunting hat for a while and put on your responsibilities. Man the fuck up already. We hunt and we hunt and we hunt, but, Dean, you need to be with them now. We have time for hunting. Hell, let someone else do it for a few days, a few weeks, even a few months wouldn't kill us. I know people, Ryan knows people. You need to let them know you're there for them. So, be there for them."

"So, what then, Sam? What the hell am I supposed to, huh?" Dean asked, rubbing his eye gingerly. It had almost stopped hurting, but Sam giving it another go had made it feel like it was the size of Kansas. "Totally buck what Dad taught us? What he drove into me from the time Mom died? Leave you unprotected just to go be with a family and put them in danger, too?!"

Sam nodded. "That's _exactly _what you're gonna do! Dean, Ryan's not some random chick you met at a bar who's asking for more than you can give. She's your soul mate and the mother of your children! _And _she's a hunter, not some clueless civilian. So, I'm pretty sure she can hold her own against whatever comes at her. Here's some more food for thought; Dad taught you to watch after me, sure, but I'm not a kid anymore. I think you've done your job. Besides, what do you think Dad would say to you walking out on your kids the way he thought Henry did him? Admit it; you're just scared that this might be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you, and if you let yourself enjoy it, something will come along and take it away..."

"You're damn right I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified!" Dean admitted. He gasped in a breath. He was. He was terrified to reach out and take this. He didn't deserve it. Somehow, some way, it would be taken from him, just like every single scrap of happiness he'd ever had. This, too, would be taken from him.

Sam reached over and clapped him on the shoulder, squeezing it. "Dean, you're awesome. You're one of the best big brothers a guy could ask for. You deserve the most pure, whole, and authentic love. I hope you know that. She's offering it to you. Take it."

"How? I don't know how to be happy, Sam."

"If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost." Sam shrugged. "I don't know how you do it. But you sure as shit can't do it from here. You want them? You want her? Then you gotta fight, man. You gotta fight for her."

Dean stood. "They're supposed to be moving this weekend. You wanna come with? Help?"

"Damn straight I do."

"Go pack some clothes, then." Sam stood and Dean stopped him. "Wait."

Sam's brow furrowed. "Yeah?"

"I, uh..." he looked down. NO, he couldn't be a coward about this. He looked Sam in the eye. Their eyes were close to the same color, but Sam's had more brown in them than green. But sometimes they looked really freaking green. Like today. "I don't say it, ever. But she reminded me, I need to."

"Say what?" Sam asked, still clearly confused.

"I love you, Sam. You're the best brother a guy could ask for. I don't tell you, but I hope it shows."

Sam smiled widely. "I love you, too, Dean. And you don't have to say it. I know. But I don't mind hearing it."

Dean looked down again. "Yeah, well, don't expect me to say it all the time or buy you flowers or some shit..."

"Dude. You're my brother. Don't go gay for me now."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

The two shared a smile. Sam clapped him on the back again. "Let me grab some clothes, then let's try to get you outta the dog house, okay?"

"Good luck," Dean murmured. "I think it'll take a lot."

Sam shook his head and gave his brother a half smile. "Nah. It won't take as much as you think. Just remember to be honest and use your fucking words, okay?" Dean glared at him and Sam's lip twitched. "Be right back..."

* * *

The six hour drive _back _to South Dakota seemed to take three times as long. As they neared Ryan's house, Dean felt like he was going to puke. "What if she refuses to see me? What if she sends me away? What if she..."

"Dude. You're starting to sound like a damn chick. Ryan loves you. Why, I have no clue, but she does. Just be honest. That's all you can be, alright?"

Dean swallowed hard. "Honest. Right. I can do this. Right?"

Sam nodded, but didn't comment. They drove into the driveway and up to the house. It was good Sam had snatched his keys away from him. He was a nervous wreck. He had no business behind the wheel. Sam let the car idle a moment as Dean stared up at the house. The Falcon was sitting off to the side, and the Expedition was right in front, clearly, it hadn't been moved all day. He glanced at his watch. It was almost eight o'clock at night. About the time they'd started their fight the night before. Had it only been twenty-four hours? His whole world had gone belly-up since then. "You coming in?"

Sam shook his head. "You two don't need me there. If this goes sideways, call me. Otherwise, I'll be at the motel."

"Sam..."

"Don't, Dean. It isn't me you have to talk to."

Dean sucked in a breath and stood from the car. He walked with purpose up to the door and knocked gently, then a bit more forcefully.

"Who is it?" she called from the other side.

"It's me."

"Give me one good reason I should let you in."

He watched the taillights of the Impala disappearing and he smiled despite the situation. "Because Sam just drove off in my only means of getting off your property?"

"You've got two legs that ain't broke," she commented, that accent of hers slipping into her dialect. "Use them and your two feet to take your ass out of here."

He dropped his head against the pain of glass. "Come on, Ryan, please?"

He heard the locks on the door and he automatically took two steps back as she opened it. "I'm the world's biggest jackass, Ryan. Honestly, I don't know why you want me."

"Me either, but I do." He just stood there, looking at her a moment, unsure of what to say. She sighed. "Come on in."

"Is Bobby asleep?"

She shook her head. "Jody has him. She's bringing him home in the morning. She figured I needed a little time to just..." she blew out a breath. "It's just me here. Well," she rubbed her stomach. "Me and Junior, in any case."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I never want to hurt you, to scare you..." he glanced at her wrist and his blood boiled. "I did that, didn't I?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You did."

"I didn't...I don't..." He hung his head. "I've never, _ever _hit a woman that wasn't a demon or a monster, Ryan. I swear."

"You didn't hit me, Dean. You grabbed me, sure, but..."

"It's the same damn thing. My father would be ashamed."

She didn't bother defending him. He didn't deserve it anyway. She did, however, say, "I bruise a lot easier now. I never have had this problem with the other pregnancies. I think it has something to do with the demon blood. Or maybe it's because of the angel blood the first two times, I don't know."

She sighed and put a hand on his cheek. "I don't wanna fight, Dean. I'm exhausted. Working full time until all the paperwork goes through on the house, the kids, packing up...Dean, if you don't want me to move down to Kansas, just tell me. Put me out of my misery here, okay?"

"How can you say that? I want you there. So much."

"I want you, too, Dean. I want you all the time. But I'm not your verbal punching bag and I'm not your mother. I'm not going to fix your messes. Occasionally you're going to have to meet me halfway. I know I'm not perfect either, babe. I'm just as messed up as you. I have no clue how to do this relationship thing. But I do know we're going to have to do better than this."

"You're right."

"Everyone here is a work in progress, Dean, but nothing gets fixed when everything revolves around you and your issues. We work together, or not at all."

"I know. Look, you have to know that the last thing I want to be is without you, without the kids, but this is all uncharted territory for me, and I've been trying to navigate it the best way I know how. I want to keep you safe." He chuckled in a self-depreciating way. "I guess that's my default setting...in order to keep the people I love safe, I have to stay as far away as possible. That ship's already sailed for Sam, I guess that's part of the reason why I feel like I can't leave him alone, but I was hoping it could be different for you guys. I didn't want this crapfest infesting this family the way it did me and Sam. But don't you _ever _doubt what I want. I'm just scared I won't be able to keep it."

"You're a dumbass, Dean Winchester. I'm a hunter, too, you know. I'm fully capable of looking after myself. I've been alone since I was eighteen years old, and alone in my head for six years before that. I don't want to take Sam's place. I don't want you to choose. Your heart can grow. I know you love us, but you need to open up. Your daddy...he did a real number on you, sugar. I feel sorry for the John Winchester that lost Mary, but I despise the man that destroyed his sons."

He didn't argue. She was right.

She sighed. "Maybe Lennon had it wrong. You need more than love. Because, baby, we got the love. But I'm afraid that's all we have."

Dean shook his head. "I hope Lennon was right. Love is all I have to offer. You've got everything else. You hold my life in your hands, Ryan. You hold my heart."

She gave him a soft smile before she winched. "Ouch!"

He blinked. "What? What is it? Are you okay? I knew this was too much stress on you. I'm sorry! I'll...I'll get you to the hospital...I...shit...I don't have a car. We'll take yours. Where's your keys?!"

She giggled and put a hand on his arm. "Dean, stop. It's fine. He's just moving."

"You can...you can feel him?"

She nodded and held out a hand. "Want to feel?" She didn't wait for him to answer. She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her stomach. "Feel it?"

He waited a moment and felt it, the soft 'bump' then almost a rolling sensation. "That's him? He's..." he dropped to his knees in front of her. "Hey, Jon. It's Daddy, little guy. Can you hear me?" To his surprise, he felt it again, that 'bump' sensation. He looked up at Ryan. "He can hear me."

She nodded. "It's one of their first senses, hearing."

"He's...he's really in there."

"Well, I didn't swallow a ball," she told him with a chuckle. She put a hand to his face. "I love you."

"I love you, Ryan. You're everything. You can do anything. I just hope like hell there's a kick ass teacher inside of you who can show me how I'm supposed to love you. I don't want to screw this up again."

She blew out a breath. "Honey, we're both gonna screw it up. It happens. And there will be more fights. God help us, but we'll fight. We're..." she shook her head. "Maybe we're what happens when a tornado meets a volcano."

"Seriously? Did you seriously just quote Eminem to me?"

Her eyes widened. "Did you seriously just catch the quote?"

"I heard there was a lot of controversy over the video. I may have stayed to watch Megan Fox in her underwear. I may have watched it a few times," he admitted.

She giggled. "Fine. Yeah, it is from 'Love the Way You Lie'."

"I swear, I won't hit you, Ryan. I couldn't...I could never hurt you. And if I need to stop drinking completely, done. No booze."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to ask you to quit cold turkey, but I do think you need to quit using it as your crutch and to help you through your troubles."

He nodded. "Can you help me?"

She bent down to kiss him. "I love you, baby. Of course, I will help you. I swear, I'll help you. But you've got to trust me, okay? Can you trust me?"

"Yeah. I can do that. As long as I get to keep my man card."

Her lips pursed. "I'll let you hold onto your balls, Dean. I don't want them." She grasped her boobs. "I've got a big enough set as it is."

He blinked. It was the first time he'd noticed what she was wearing. She had on a pair of athletic shorts and a tank top that hugged every one of her curves. He felt sure she wore it to be comfortable but all he could think of was how beautiful she was. "Yes you do. They're beautiful, just like you."

She took a step back. "Dean...I don't know if I'm ready to just jump right back into bed. I don't..."

He held up a hand. "Look, I know, okay? I scared you. I'm...I don't remember what I did, and that freaks me out even worse. So, no sex. But being in a relationship, it's not always about the sex. Sometimes it's best when you just lay back, talk, laugh together, hold each other, enjoy the other's company..."

Her eyebrow rose. "Learned that from an episode of Doctor Phil, did you?"

He didn't, actually. Lisa had told him that. And he'd held onto it. Why, he wasn't sure, but he did. Sex only fixed him so much before he felt broken again. The intimacy, that was what had healed him, even if it wasn't a permanent fix. "Not exactly. I heard it somewhere. Can we just...can we just be together?"

She bit her lip and nodded as she grasped his hand. She flipped the lock on the door and walked up the stairs, pulling him behind her.

* * *

He awoke to the sun streaming in the window and the smell of honeysuckle in his nose. He didn't know when he'd slept so good. Probably the last time he'd slept with her in his arms. He was such a colossal fuckup, but he was trying, so was she. They'd talked. This time, about the future. He told her how afraid he was. She admitted to being afraid, too. She had more to lose than he did. He realized that. She was giving up everything to be near him. No friends. No family. Nothing but him and Sam and then Men of Letters. She was willing and able to do that. For him. It was humbling. They'd talked about hopes and dreams...something he'd never even given a thought about in a long time. He was allowed to dream. He was allowed to think happy thoughts. He had never, ever thought about a happily ever after before. In the back of his mind, he knew something bad would happen, but she had told him how sometimes you had to cling onto the good times and ride out the bad times. They would still come, but now, they were a united front, him and her, and Sam, too. She included Sam. She wanted him to be part of their family. She wanted to be Sam's sister. Kinda like Charlie, but...not. It was weird, but Dean could see it. He could imagine it. He really could.

He wrapped his arm tighter around her belly and felt the faintest hint of a 'bump' causing him to chuckle.

"You laugh now," Ryan grumbled, still half asleep. "But he's punching my bladder." She slid from his arms and walked to the bathroom.

He turned over onto his back and smiled up at the ceiling. Yeah, he was pretty damn happy.

He was still smiling as she walked out and looked at him. "What are you so happy about this morning, Winchester?"

He looked at her. She had on this tank top that had skinny straps, no thicker than her pinky finger, and it flowed out softly, hiding her baby bump and a pair of the tiniest underwear known to man. He knew those underwear were cut so her expanding belly would go over the top of them and something about that seemed really damn sexy to him. He'd never given thought to having sex with a pregnant woman, but now, he couldn't wait to watch her stomach expand with their son. "I have you. Are you kidding? I'm over the fucking moon."

She smiled softly and sank down to him, kissing him tenderly. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too. So...I'm here. I'm staying here. What do I need to do to help you? Sammy's gonna pitch in, too."

She bit her lip in thought. "Well, I need help boxing up the dining room, and all the weapons downstairs, and I need to get all the crap out of the attic..."

"Say no more. You direct us. Me and Sam will handle all that crap. You need to rest, stay off your feet..."

She giggled. "I'm pregnant, Dean, not dying. I can do a lot. I am glad you'll be climbing into the attic, though. The steps are a little rickety..."

"You have no business being on anything but solid ground. I don't even like the idea of you climbing the stairs. Maybe I need to start carrying you."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled as she bent to place featherlight kisses on his face. "I'm fine. I've done all this stuff before, Dean. Hope and I moved quite a few times and the last time we moved, I was recovering from Bobby's birth and a broken leg."

"Still. All the books say..."

"What books?"

He winced. "I, uh, I may have picked up a couple of pregnancy books..."

Her face grew soft and some kind of noise rose up from her throat only moments before she threw her arms around him and began kissing him with a passion that almost surprised him. He got into it, though, and his hands slowly drifted over her, touching, caressing, squeezing, his tongue gently lapped at hers, and she moaned low. They pulled apart, panting. "Not, uh, not that I mind, but what brought that on?"

"Did you really read pregnancy books?" she asked as a tear dropped onto her cheek.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I've never been around anyone pregnant. I'm making Sammy read them, too, just to be safe. I mean, we're hunters, Men of Letters. We do our research before we jump into a situation..."

She hugged him tightly and began crying.

"Hey, it's okay. I mean, if it's weird, we can stop reading them. I mean, it's kind of gross, but it's really cool, Ry, and I love knowing that's my kid in there changing your body. It's beautiful, okay? Just like you."

Instead of her stopping, she seemed to cry harder and he was starting to freak out a little bit. "Shit, I didn't mean to make you cry, babe. I swear. I'll be hands off unless you tell me to..."

"Shut up, you wonderful, kind, sweet, loving man," she said as she raised her head and placed a kiss to his lip. "I'm not crying because I'm mad or sad, I'm crying because I'm touched." She smiled. "I can't believe you would read that."

"I wanna be there, Ryan. I really, really wanted to be there for the ultrasound. I swear, I would have been if Cas hadn't called. That angel...he was stirring up trouble. Cas said we should leave Gabriel out of things, so, I am, but that meant me and Sammy had to help Cas and..."

She put a finger on his lips, silencing him. "You know, if you'd have just called and told me that, or even sent me a text message explaining yourself, I wouldn't have been pissed. There will be other ultrasound appointments and besides, once he's here, you'll have lots of firsthand experience."

He smiled at that. "So, look, just to clarify where we left things last night, we're in agreement; no cases until Jon's born, then, after that, we'll decide by case if we should hunt. You, me, and Sam. We sit down like grown up and discuss things, right? Because you know I can't let him go off on his own and I know I can't leave you alone to deal with the kids, right?"

She nodded. "I think that's more than fair. And once I'm ready and able, we'll decide how we want to hunt, if we want to leave Sam working at the bunker and the two of us go off, or what."

He grinned. He was honestly looking forward to seeing her out on the hunt again. His woman was a deadly force and he loved the fact that while she looked soft and sweet, especially when she was with the kids, she had a core of steel in her that made her one hell of a badass.

"What are you thinking about, Winchester?"

He flipped them so she was on her back and he hovered gently over her as he bent to kiss her, taking care not to put too much pressure on her abdomen. "I was thinking about what a bad ass my woman is and how much I love her and how I can't wait to hunt with her again."

Her face softened. "Is that a fact?"

He nodded. "But until then, I'm sorry, but I'm going to baby the hell out of you, okay? I'll try not to smother you, but I just...I wanna look after you."

Her hand reached up to touch his face and he closed his eyes as he pressed his cheek into her palm. "I think I'd like that," he heard her whisper.

"Good."

"Love me, Dean."

His eyes opened lazily and he smiled down at her. "Always."

She smiled with a little head shake. "No. I mean right now."

"Are you sure you want to?"

"I wouldn't agree to it if I didn't want it. I want you. I need you, baby," she purred as her legs wrapped around him.

"I don't...I don't want to hurt you."

"You could never hurt me."

A glance at her wrist proved he could. She must have seen him looking at the bruises that marred her flesh because with her other hand, she grabbed his chin. "Look at me." His eyes tore away from the black, purple, and yellow decorating her skin to meet hers and they glared with bright determination. "What happened, happened. We'll learn from it. Honestly, it wouldn't have been a big deal if I wasn't pregnant."

He sat up. "How can you say that? I almost..."

"No, you didn't."

"How do you know? How can you trust me, Ryan? Why should you trust me?"

"You're being melodramatic," she growled.

"Well? Shouldn't I be? Damn it, Ryan...I don't know what I would have done. I could have..." He couldn't think it.

"You know you wouldn't. You never would, Dean. I was scared, yes, I admit that. But you would have stopped. I know you."

"I'm not a good person, Ryan. I wish you'd get that through your thick skull."

"You are a good person, Dean. You're one of the best. The fact that you think you aren't proves you are."

He snorted. "Where's the logic in that?"

She shook her head. "You don't get it. I trust you implicitly, babe. I know you. And I know you're capable of great things."

"So was Voldemort."

Her mouth fell open and she giggled. "Seriously? You just compared yourself to Voldemort?" She put a finger to her chin. "Nah...I think...maybe Lupin or Sirius."

"Great. A werewolf or a convict. Fabulous."

She shook her head. "Both of them had some of the best redeeming qualities. Lupin found love, if you recall."

"He died."

She shrugged. "So? We will too, one day. But while he lived, he was able to have one of the best loves...that's what I want for us. I want us to look back and see what an amazing love we've had. If one of us dies, I want the other to know our lives meant something. Our time meant something. If you died, I'd want to know that I lived, oh, how I lived, while you loved me."

"Rascal Flatts?"

"I thought you didn't like country music," she teased.

He shrugged. "It was one that got stuck in my head while we were on a case. No stations came in on the radio except for country, and I was too damn lazy to find my cassettes." He wouldn't admit that it came on the radio while he was riding with his dad, that morning after he left Ryan at Appalachian and it immediately made him think of her. Some things, he needed to keep to himself. This was one of them.

She smiled. "It always made me think of you, you know."

"It did?"

She nodded. "After you left, that day at Appalachian, I heard it on the radio. I wasn't sad you'd left, but that one day...I lived, really lived. I hadn't done that before. I'd never lived until you loved me, Dean. And even now...I haven't lived, not until now. I've been alive, I've been raising your kids, but now...now I wanna really live."

"Me too," he told her. "I want to live in this. And if...if it ends...I'll, well, I won't accept it, but I'll try to realize what we had, we had good while we were together."

She smiled and pulled him to her. "Now, I think we need some makeup sex, baby."

He smirked and moved to her again, his lips finding hers. "Is that so?" he asked as he began kissing down her chest. That tank top left very little to the imagination. "I like this shirt."

"I like it better on the floor," she managed as she pulled it up her body.

His mouth fell open, but then those beautiful tits came into view and all thoughts left his head...

* * *

**August Ninth **

The following Saturday, Dean was all smiles as he drove. He glanced at the backseat, where Bobby was sitting, playing on some kind of mini tablet Ryan had bought him for his birthday. It had all sorts of puzzle games on it. Dean was amazed at how smart the kid was. As soon as he'd opened it, the boy already knew how to work the thing. He glanced over to his right and saw Ryan's gorgeous hair whipping around her head as the wind blew it. They were on their way to pick up Hope from camp. Tomorrow, they were heading out, moving to Kansas. Sam had helped them pack up the entire house with the excpetion of the mattresses and the u-haul was loaded and so was Demon, which was why they were driving the Impala to go pick up Hope. Of course, Ryan had told him the girl would have kittens when she saw his car pull up, so, of course, he was eager to drive it for his little girl. His little girl. He still loved saying that.

"Oh, I forgot to mention...Hope wants to start high school instead of middle school when we get to Kansas."

Dean almost jerked the wheel. "What?"

Ryan shrugged as she looked up from her own tablet. She had been reading a book on it. He'd teased her when she shushed him. Apparently she was at a really good part of the story and she couldn't put it down. "She thinks she needs to be in high school."

"Uh...why?"

Ryan shrugged again. "No clue. I think it's an angel thing."

"She's a baby. She has no business...the boys, Ryan."

Ryan smirked. "I seem to recall her knocking you on your ass, Dean. She can handle any little putz that tries anything."

"The freshmen, maybe, but, Ryan...there are some not so great guys in high school..."

"I know. But she really wants this."

"What did you tell her?"

"I'd have to talk it over with you."

"Okay...so...no. See? That was easy."

Ryan sighed. "Dean, I get what she means. She doesn't _need _to go to middle school."

"But she's not even eleven."

"Does she look like your average ten year old?"

He had noticed even at the father/daughter dance, she looked older than the other girls, but she didn't...she hadn't...she still didn't look like a teenager. She was tall for her age, and prettier than the other girls around her, too, but that didn't mean she was ready to handle high school. "But there are all these things in high school, Ryan...boys, sex, oh, God...I'm so not ready to be thinking about that. Shit. Fucking hell, Ryan..."

Ryan giggled. "Breathe, baby. Hope's got a good head on her shoulders. She's smart and she's well trained."

"And what if she just happens to have her father's libido? What if she turns into this..."

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "What?"

"Look, I don't want my baby girl becoming the town bicycle, okay? If she wants to do...that...she has to realize her reputation..."

Ryan giggled. "Seriously?"

"This is a serious thing, Ryan." He thought of what he wanted to say before he said it. "Look, I, uh, you didn't have your basic high school experience. And even I didn't...but mine was normal enough. I remember doing stuff, Ryan. Supply closets, under the bleachers, back seats of cars..."

Ryan just looked at him and crossed her arms. "And do you think some little jerk would talk her into something?"

"I don't know. I did." He felt like shit about it, now, too. He hurt a lot of girls to cover his own pain when he was a teenager. He was an asshole back then. Not that he wasn't now, but still...

"Babe, look, she's your daughter. That means she can handle anything guys like you used to be throw at her. But she's mine, too. We're tough. And if she feels like this is what she needs..." Ryan sucked in a breath. "She's leaving her childhood behind, Dean. That angel grace grows in her every damn day. Her memories are coming back in leaps and bounds. And she's got a feeling in her gut she needs to be in high school. She's not trying to say she needs to be cut loose to hunt. She just wants to..."

"Skip three grades? I caught that. Isn't she already a grade ahead?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, she is."

"So...what do you think?"

Ryan bit her lip. "I say we go for it."

"Really?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

"Why?"

Ryan smiled. "Because, she _is _like her daddy. And usually, if you get a gut feeling, you're right. Same goes for her."

"If you think it's what's best for her, okay."

"Good. She'll be thrilled."

"But if some little snot-nosed douchebag tries anything, I'm burying his body over by the bunker and no one can stop me."

Ryan's lip quirked. "Of that, I have no doubts."

They drove for an hour straight into the woods. "Where in the fuck did you leave her? Is she hunting wendigos out here?"

Ryan snorted. "This is where we come for Camporee every year."

"Yeah, I remember that conversation. Damn. She's as good as you at putting my balls in a sling."

Ryan giggled. "Well, you were acting like a dick."

"I love our kid. She's bad ass, just like her mom."

Ryan smiled at that. "So, turn left on Sycamore. We're almost there."

"See Hopey?" Bobby asked from the backseat.

Ryan nodded. "Yep. We're going to get Hopey."

"Yay!"

He glanced back at his boy one more time and smiled. He briefly wondered if his dad had ever felt this sense of pride for him and Sammy. Maybe, when Mary was still alive. But after that...did he ever? He guessed he would never know. Dean's heart felt like it was going to burst he was so in love with his kids. That's when it hit him. _Holy shit..._he loved the kids. He really did. "Hey, Bobby?"

The boy looked up and caught Dean's reflection in the mirror. "Yeah?"

"I love you, bud."

The little boy smiled a big toothy grin. "Luffs you, too, Daddy."

Dean smiled. Yeah, he could probably get used to saying that. He caught Ryan grinning at him and he gave her a wink. Yeah, he could definitely get used to saying it.

He finally saw the sign for the camp and turned onto the dirt road. "Damn. Now my baby's gonna need a bath."

Ryan chuckled. "You and Hope can give her a wash this afternoon."

"Good deal. Think I could talk her into waxing her, too?"

Ryan smiled as she ran a hand over the dashboard. "I think, you let Hope touch anything on this car, she'll do it. Since you and her gave this and Demon their tune-ups that's all she's talked about. She made me take her to the library so she could get some books about engines so she can impress you with her knowledge."

Dean felt the lump in his throat and he cleared it a few times. "Anything she wants to know, she's just gotta ask. And anything I don't know, I'd like to learn with her."

Ryan bit her lip as she smiled and remained quiet. They drove down the drive and got in line with the other parents. "Do we drive up or walk up or what?"

"It's just easier to get in line, babe. They'll bring her over and put her in the car."

Dean nodded and looked around. He saw platform tents littering the area, a huge shelter, where all the girls were sitting, waiting at picnic tables, their backpacks on, duffel bags at their feet. There was a lake with a dock and canoes. He saw a huge mess hall and the archery station where he felt sure Hope decimated everyone with her mad skills. He looked for Hope, but couldn't see her yet. Of course, there looked like there were a million girls. "Damn. How many girls are there at this camp?"

"About one twenty? One fifty? A ton," Ryan responded as she began rolling down the window as they finally pulled up to someone who looked like they were in charge.

"Name?"

"Hope Winchester."

Dean blinked. Ryan and the kids had been going by the last name of Hunter. When had she made the change? Had she changed her name, too? Ryan Winchester. Dean rolled the name around his head a moment. Yeah, he kind of liked it. That's when he remembered what Gabe had said, about changing her last name to Winchester and making an honest woman out of her and his palms began to sweat. Marriage. Not that they weren't already married, sort of, and he knew he couldn't live without her, but still...all that pomp and circumstance of a ceremony...did she want that?

He swallowed hard as Hope ran up to the car and those thoughts left him as he looked at his daughter. She had grown since he saw her last and he vowed never to go two weeks without seeing his girl again.

"Hi, guys!" Hope exclaimed as she jumped into the car. "Sweet! You brought Dad's baby."

Dean chuckled as he drove down and around the encampment field, following all the other parents and he felt a sense of contentment he had never felt. "Hey, babe. Have a good week at camp?" She nodded. He noticed she looked really tan. "Spend a lot of time in that lake?"

"Yeah. I'm a great swimmer. I'm on the swim team."

"I remember you telling me." He sucked in a breath and looked at Ryan, who was trying and failing at not smiling as she continued to read. He cleared his throat. "So, uh, I heard you want to go to high school."

Hope sighed. "Yeah. Guess you don't want me to, right?"

He gave her a thoughtful look in the mirror and pulled off in the upper parking lot to stop and turn to look at her. "I didn't say that."

She looked up in surprise. "What?"

"I want you to realize how it could be dangerous, Hope."

Her brow furrowed. "How?"

"Boys...teenage boys...they're not nice guys."

"Some of them are."

"Not many," he admitted. "I just don't want you to get your heart broken, kid. And I don't want one of those dicks to hurt you."

She smirked and all he saw was his own arrogance staring back at him. That wasn't necessarily a good thing. "Dad. I know how to protect myself. Mom made sure of that. And I know all about sex because Mom talked to me about that, too. I just...I want to live through some really human things, okay? I get a second chance now."

"Shouldn't that include the joy that is middle school?"

She thought about that a moment and shook her head. "No. It shouldn't.."

"Why?"

She bit her lip, now looking like her mother. "I can't tell."

"Hope..." he warned.

"Spoilers, okay? Gabriel told me some stuff."

"Hope," Ryan began, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wasn't supposed to. And it doesn't have anything to do with you two, I swear."

"What do you know?" Dean asked her.

The girl crossed her arms. "I'm not gonna tell."

"Stubborn," Dean muttered under his breath.

She raised her chin. "Wonder who I got that from?"

Dean's jaw ticked. "You promise you'll be careful? Navigating high school is often more dangerous than hunting monsters. Just ask Sam."

"I swear, Daddy. I promise, I'll be careful."

Dean blew out a breath and looked at Ryan, who gave him an almost imperceptible nod. "Fine."

"Really?!"

Dean nodded. "I'll have Sam start the paperwork. We'll have a hell of a job forging all your transcripts, but I'm sure Sam can do it."

"I'll help him," she offered.

"And if you don't do well, I'm pulling your ass out, understand."

She nodded. "I understand completely."

"Okay. I guess you're going to high school in a few weeks."

Hope let out a squeal of delight and almost jumped into the front seat to hug him. "Thank you, Dad. I love you."

He hugged her for all he was worth. "I love you, too, Hope. Just promise me you'll be careful. I can't stand the thought of seeing you hurt."

She pulled away and gave him a soft smile. "I promise."

Ryan broke up the moment. "Come on. We've got one last night in our old house before we move to our new one."

"One that is ours. All of ours," Hope spoke up.

Dean nodded. "Let's pick up pizza on the way home. You want pizza, Hope?"

She shook her head. "Chinese."

"Ryan?"

"I want Greek."

His brow furrowed. "Looks like we'll be making a few stops. I'll tell Sammy to have his appetite. Guess we could call over Jody and Annie..."

"And Bo," Ryan added. "I think him and Annie are getting...friendly."

Dean's eyebrows rose. "Huh. Well, if you think he's a good guy, then I trust you, Ryan. I trust your instincts."

"They've led me to you, haven't they?" she told him as she slid over to him as he pulled out of the camp.

"On second thought, maybe your instincts aren't that good."

She elbowed him in the ribs.

* * *

**AN2: *peeks out from behind the curtains* so...what did you think? Rereading it again, it wasn't quite as violent as I remembered, but still...you have to figure, they're both human. Pigheaded, stubborn assholes that are both used to getting their way. And when one of them doesn't give an inch, it pisses the other one off. We haven't seen the last of them butting heads, but from now on, it shouldn't be QUITE that bad. I hope. **

**Until next week! Enjoy hellaitus, my friends. **


	41. A New Day Has Come

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supernatural or any of the songs used in this work of fiction. I just like playing with other people's toys. :)**

**AN: Wow. I stirred the pot last chapter, didn't I? I love how passionate you guys are about this story! A few things...I realize some of you had issues with the fact Dean didn't automatically love his kids. I don't think it was that he didn't love them, it was just that he didn't know them. And Dean doesn't throw those words around. He's gotta mean them to say them. It's canon that the only person on the show he's uttered the words to is Mary. Even when Sam has said it a few times, it hasn't been outwardly reciprocated. Dean wanted to make sure he felt it before he said it. Agreed? **

**And two...Dean's in a weird headspace. Too, he's still trying to figure out how to manage without the mark, and also, having a family AND hunting. He was good with Ben and Lisa because he wasn't hunting at the time...it all went to hell as soon as he started hunting again, you know? Only difference this time is, Ryan won't give him an out. Was it right? No. But he's human. And Dean has always used his fists to get his way. And he felt ashamed, as he should, after the fact. No, he didn't hit her, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have. He realizes he's got a little bit of that monster in him. John did as well. The Winchester boys are VIOLENT and anyone that thinks they're Disney Princes are deluded. Yes, they're heroes. But they're human. And extremely flawed. They've not had any type of normal anything their whole lives. That molds you. So, let's cut him a little slack, shall we? **

**And Ryan? Well, let's just say, she's new at this, too. Being a mom was a trait she learned from having Hope. Being part of a couple? Of having a romantic relationship? Yeah...she's not gonna do so hot with that either. They're gonna hurt each other. They're going to do what Sam and Dean always do and say things, do things, they regret. We just have to accept them for who they are and love them. **

**And now that the mammoth author's note is finished, ON WITH THE SHOW. **

* * *

**August Thirteenth**

**Ryan POV **

Ryan's eyes narrowed as she surveyed the kitchen. They'd moved in two days ago, but still, there was a lot to be done. The house had sat, empty, for a while. It was a fixer upper, but Dean had seemed excited about that. He'd already bought a lawn mower and had begun watching "curb appeal" shows on HGTV. The thought made her smile. But this...the kitchen, she and Dean would be sharing. She'd never shared a kitchen with anyone, but Dean loved to cook almost as much as she did. She glanced over at him. "Ready?"

He nodded. "Let's do this."

Two hours later, they had all the boxes unpacked, had two minor arguments about where the stand mixer should go and where to put the glasses in relation to the plates, and now she was putting away canned goods.

"You know," he said as he surveyed her work, "That's some 'Sleeping with the Enemy' stuff there."

She appraised the cans she had already stacked. "If I can't read the label, what's the point in having them in the cabinet?"

He chuckled and brought her over a bottle of water, which she took thankfully. "I'm not complaining, I just made a comment."

She smiled. "Alright, well, I guess we need to go see if Bobby needs a change..."

"Why isn't he potty trained yet?"

She just looked at him. "Because he's a stubborn little asshole, that's why."

Dean chuckled. "I bet I could handle him. I helped train Sam..."

"Weren't you like, six at the time?"

"Exactly. I'm still the same mental age."

At that, she snorted. "No comment."

He smiled. "Look, go take a rest. Put your feet up. We've gotten a lot of crap done today. Just...chill out, alright? Let me go deal with Bob."

"Be my guest. I'm over it. The kid's college roomate can change his Pull-Ups for all I care. I'm done. Too many tears and screaming matches for me. He'll do his biz when he's good and ready and I don't think you can talk him into it."

"Is that a challenge?"

She shook her head. "It's a fact. He's Loki troublesome and Winchester stubborn. Bad combo, if you ask me. But be my guest. If you can potty train him, good on you."

"What's in it for me?" he teased gently as he moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her, pulling her to him.

She looked up into his face, licked her lips slightly and breathed, "My undying gratitude." She stepped out of his embrace, popped him on the ass, and walked toward the stairs. "Good luck, Winchester. You're going to need it!"

She heard him grumbling as she walked up the stairs and she giggled. She walked into their room and surveyed it. For now, they just had the mattress and box spring on the floor. They were going to be painting in there over the weekend. She had a great color scheme picked out and since it wasn't flowery, Dean was okay with it.

She was surprised they hadn't argued over stuff like that. She told him what colors she liked for the rooms, he agreed. That was easy. Figuring out closet space, drawers in the dresser, all that stuff, it was working out fine as well. This cohabitation thing seemed to be running pretty darn smoothly. Almost too much so, but, she figured after their epic fight last week, they were both being...cautious of each others' feelings. And that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, either.

She opened the box of her winter things and sighed. So much for her skinny jeans and cute sweaters. She supposed she needed to buy some more maternity clothes. Jon had popped out and nothing except her yoga pants and lounging shorts fit anymore. She did have a few sundresses that were loose, and those were what she had been wearing during the move. She sighed. She was going to have to hit the mall. That was depressing. They just didn't have the money to spend on her a whole new wardrobe. She made a mental note to call around, see if she couldn't find some maternity consignment shops in some of the surrounding towns.

She pulled out a few things she could still wear later in the year, then shoved the box in the back of their generous walk-in closet. That was one thing she loved about the room. It had a giant walk-in closet.

She opened another box and realizing it was mislabeled and was the stuff for the kid's bathroom, picked it up and carried it in that direction. That was when she heard Dean; "Look, you gotta be a man about this, okay? Going pee-pee isn't scary. That potty's pretty darn cool. I mean, when I was little? I had to just go in a pot. Literally. Mom had me a little pot attached to a wooden chair. But look! You got music and it makes the cool flushy sound and it's awesome."

She heard chortling and glanced over to see Sam behind her. He had been helping Hope set up the guest bedroom. They'd decided they weren't going to paint it just yet, so Hope had offered to help make the bed once Sam put it together. He was pulling out his phone. "I'm so going to blackmail him with this," he murmured as he moved toward the door.

Ryan smiled softly. She peeked in and saw Dean sitting on the closed toilet, holding their son, trying to psych Bobby up to the whole potty thing. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Good luck," she murmured again as she walked away. Bobby looked one hundred percent unimpressed.

* * *

**August Sixteenth**

Ryan sighed as she watched Dean and their daughter argue. "Bobby, sit down," she commanded lightly. The boy was about to fall out of the cart right onto the concrete floor of Lowe's Home Improvement if he didn't quit trying to sit on the ledge of the cart instead of inside it like he should.

"Otay, Mama. Pway wif bwushes?"

Ryan nodded absently and handed the boy a paintbrush as Hope said, "I think I like the Purple Passionfruit, Dad."

Dean's nose wrinkled. "Come on. Mango Mimosa is such a cooler color."

"I'm not painting my room orange!"

"That purple is too dark. How about a lilac?"

"Oh! I might could handle lilac. What about a mint trim?"

Dean pondered it a moment. "Yeah, that could work."

Ryan watched the two move off to another section of paint sampled and wheezed out a breath as Jon kicked the everloving shit out of her ribs. "Would you two stubborn jerks hurry up? I'm tired and my feet hurt."

"Mom! This is important! I get to paint my room. You got to pick your paint."

"That's because I already knew I was coming in here with a color scheme in mind. You're all over the place with colors." She started pushing the cart laden with painting supplies and their son over to Dean. "I need to sit down. Bob and I are going to the car."

"You okay?" Dean asked, looking her over with a wary eye.

She sighed. "Yeah, I'm great. Just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night."

He walked to her and put a hand on her stomach, smiling slightly when Jon kicked his hand. "He kicking all night still?"

She nodded and rubbed her belly again, squeezing Dean's hand as well. "Yeah. I'll be glad to get him out."

"Me too," Dean replied softly and Ryan sucked in a breath. She knew why. She knew while Dean was excited about Jon's arrival, he was also worried about the demon blood in her. Obviously they couldn't cure her while Jon was in utero, but it was making Dean on edge.

"Come on, Bobby," Ryan told the boy as she reached her arms out.

"Let me pick him up please," Dean asked as he scooped the boy up and sat him on the ground. He knelt down to look into the boy's eyes. "Do you need to pee?" he inquired.

Bobby shook his head. "Nuh-uh."

"Okay, remember, you get candy if you go pee in the potty, alright?"

The boy nodded and Ryan smirked. Dean had done good, she had to hand it to him. Bobby had actually listened to him about the whole potty thing. He was wearing the Pull-Ups and was going pee a few times a day, but he was nowhere near trained. Eh, well, Rome wasn't built in a day, either.

"Okay, Little Big Man, let Mama know if you gotta go, alright?"

"I pwomise, Daddy."

Dean smiled. "Good man. Okay, what's the rule?"

Bobby slipped his hand into Ryan's. "Hold hands if the parking wot becaws I mights gets runned over."

Dean winked and smiled before he turned to Ryan. "You sure you're okay?"

She nodded and tried to stifle a yawn. "I'm fine, Dean, just tired. I'll let him play in the back while you two knuckleheads finish. Try not to take all day. It's a lovely Saturday morning. Let's get some painting done."

"You're not doing any of the painting," he growled.

She saluted him. He called her a smartass. She was still smiling as they made their way out to the car. She helped the boy climb into the back, where he started playing with his cars when she heard a text message come in on her phone.

Tory: I kinda let stuff slip to Andy. I know you wanna tell her yourself so she's calling you.

Ryan's brows furrowed and she blinked once before the unknown caller came in. Ryan sighed, feeling sure it was Andy, hoisted herself into the passenger seat and answered. "Hello?"

"What's going on and why didn't you tell me?"

Ryan frowned. "I'm sorry, Andy. You were busy on a case, then you left for that teaching job...why are you calling me, anyway? Aren't you in some Peruvian forest or something?"

"I just finished killing a Pishtaco that was terrorizing the school here. That's why I came. Now I got suckered into teaching English as a Second Language to this adorable group of kids...anyway, I borrowed a SATphone. So? What's up?"

"What did Tory tell you?"

"Oh no. I want everything from you."

Ryan tried to quickly explain in as few words as possible to save time, what was going on. When she finished, she thought she'd lost connection. "Andy?"

"So...wait...you can have kids. You have kids. You're pregnant with your third. And they're all Dean Winchester's?"

"Yeah. That about sums it up."

"No wonder you lied. I wouldn't admit that, either."

"Andy!" Ryan said, laughing.

She could hear the smile in Andy's voice as her friend asked, "Are you happy, Ryan?"

"Ecstatic."

"Good." Andy was silent a moment. "So, uh...that means Sam's with you guys, right?"

Ryan winced. "Yeah, he is. I mean, not with us, with us, he's kind of weird about living in the house. He spends the night at the bunker, which is stupid, because he's at the house all damn day anyway, or we're over at the bunker. It doesn't bother me and it doesn't bother Dean, but anyway..."

"What's he like?"

"Sam?"

"Yeah."

Ryan smiled. "Sam's great. He's sweet and funny and he reminds me of you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Logical. He's a researcher. He learns everything he can before diving into something. He's smart, Andy. Really smart. Like I said...reminds me of you."

"You're trying to get in my good graces. Why?"

"You're not going to be in Peru forever. I want you to come here. I've moved to Kansas. I'll email you my address. Please...you're one of my best friends, even if we don't talk all that often. I want you to visit."

"With Sam there?! Wouldn't that be...weird?"

"For who?"

"Everyone!"

Ryan shrugged though Andy couldn't see her. "It won't bother me."

"It'll bother him. And I bet you dollars to doughnuts it'll bother Dean."

"Why?"

"Hello! He's the one that ganked Ruby in my sister's meatsuit!"

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. "Good point. Well, don't show up unannounced and I'll make sure to condition them to your arrival."

"I don't know, Ryan..."

"Come on, Andy. Tory's been hanging out here between hunts. Well, we've only lived _here _a week, but she came in on Wednesday. She's staying at the bunker now, researching a new case. The boys went hunting with her last month. Come on. Please?"

"I'll think about it."

Ryan decided not to push it. "So...you meet any hot Latino guys down there?"

Andy snickered. "Please. You know you're the one with the Latino fetish. Not me."

Ryan gasped. "I do not!"

"You do, too. When Hector flirted with you, you turned into a _girl_! All blushing and giggling...I've never seen you act like that before."

"I can't help it. He looks like an actor I liked. Before. I mean...when I was still normal..." It was true. Hector Vega was another hunter in their community. He was sweet as pie, but he reminded her of Marco Sanchez, from the show she loved as a girl, SeaQuest, and she'd always had a crush on his character, Miguel Ortiz.

"It's okay to flirt and shit, Ryan," Andy reminded her.

"I know. But now I've got Dean and..."

"...And I'm hoping you're getting laid regularly."

Ryan smiled as she thought of this morning. She'd woken him in dirty, dirty ways...and then he reciprocated. "Yeah, I am."

"Well, if one damn thing comes out of this, that smile I hear in your voice is worth it." Andy sighed. "I guess, when I get stateside in a few months, I'll come visit."

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yeah. I guess so. Email me, okay? I gotta go. We can communicate that way. I think I'm here until school's out. I'll email you this number. It's for one of my acquaintances here. You can call me on it anytime."

"I still want to know how you wound up in Peru."

"Eh, you know...come to help a friend kill a monster, stay to help the cute orphans."

"You're a regular humanitarian, Andy."

"It is my cross to bear," Andy stated dramatically.

Ryan was still giggling when Dean opened the back gate of the SUV, unloading all the various paint cans. "What's funny?"

She leaned back and looked at him. "Andy."

He stiffened. "What about her?"

"She's crazy. She's in Peru. Apparently she just killed a Pishtaco that was terrorizing a school down there."

Dean's nose curled. "That's just nasty. A monster that sucks fat." He shivered. "Gross."

Ryan chuckled. "Come on. I'm starving. Breakfast, anyone?"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Sam had agreed to take Hope out on an uncle/niece date; dinner, mini-golf, maybe even a movie. His theory was since Dean didn't know crap about romance, Hope needed to learn how guys were supposed to treat you on a date. This led to some name calling from both men, and eye rolling from Ryan. But she was glad to see them getting ready to go. She really wanted Sam and Hope out of the house. She had plans for Dean.

Her libido was out of control today. Maybe it was from watching Dean assembling the bed and moving the furniture in Hope's room after they finished painting it. Maybe it was because all he was wearing was a pair of jeans and a shirt covered in paint. But she needed him. Now. So, she pulled the cute card. She really did mean it, but also, well, she was a bit of a little shit, too. Sam was searching for his phone when she yelled, "Sam!" as she tossed Sam her keys.

He caught them deftly and looked at them in his hand somewhat reverently. "You're doing to let me drive Demon?"

She gave him a shy smile. She really did want to make him feel at home with her. So she said, "Yeah, well, you're my brother now, Sam, so, I guess you can drive her."

"Wow...I...thanks, Ryan."

She shrugged and bit her lip as she gave him a smarmy smile. "Yeah, well, after what Dean and I did in the Impala last night...well, it probably needs a good scrub down."

Sam's face twisted into a look of disgust. His hand came up and his finger pointed to one, then the other of them as Dean stood by her side. "You two...I don't think this is a good idea, the two of you being together. Two incredible horn-dogs, sexing it up anytime they want..." He shook his head, cleared his throat, and walked out to the porch where Hope was already waiting for him.

Dean turned to Ryan. "We didn't do anything in the Impala last night..."

She smirked. "I know that, and _you _know that, but I couldn't help giving him a little shit, especially in follow up to my Hallmark Channel moment there."

Dean just looked at her a moment before he grinned. "My God, you're the perfect woman for me."

She shrugged and giggled. "It's a gift."

"Go sit down, let me finish painting this wall, then we'll have a little break."

She rubbed her hands together, giddy. _Part one of the plan is a go. _

Ten minutes later, he sat next to her on the couch and looked around their living room. It was painted parchment paper tan with soft brown accents. She loved it. It was warm and inviting. "Looks good, doesn't it?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, it does."

"So...what'cha want to do while we wait to paint the second coat?"

Instead of answering right away, she turned, threw a leg over his, and straddled him.

He looked at her in surprise a moment before his hands went around her and he pulled her down for a kiss. "So...you're wanting to do me?" he asked when they pulled apart.

"I didn't here you say no."

"That's 'cause I didn't..." he murmured as he pulled her back down for another kiss.

She slowly began pulling up the skirt of her long sundress and grasped his hands, placing them on her body, revealing to him she wasn't wearing underwear and he moaned. "Had I known you were commando under there, Ryan, I'd have rushed Sam out long before I did..."

She tugged on his earlobe and whispered, "I want to fuck you in every room of this house, Dean. This is our house. I want to mark it as such."

He whimpered.

"Think you can help me with that?"

He nodded vehemently.

She smirked and her hands dove to his pants, unbuttoning them and unzipping them. "Consider this round one."

He sucked in a breath as her hand wrapped around him. "How many rounds does this fight have?" he panted.

She smirked. "As many as we can get in before Bobby wakes up."

"Thank God he had a big lunch. Kid will be out for hours..."

"That was my plan," she purred as she joined them.

* * *

**September Tenth **

Ryan was just putting a pie in the oven when she heard a flutter of wings and a man appeared in her kitchen. She gave a little shout and had an angel blade, Gabriel's, in her hand before he could advance toward her. She was pregnant. That made her extremely cautious. The angel blade had been stuck in the back of her pants. Oddly enough, it hadn't been for protection, she had just mean to put it up out of Bobby's reach, but now she was extremely thankful she had it.

The man, angel, put both hands up. "Peace, Ryan. I need to speak to Dean."

She blinked and her brows furrowed. "Castiel?"

He nodded slowly, still keeping both hands up.

She let out a gasp, dropped the blade, and hugged him before he could respond. She felt him awkwardly patting her back and she pulled away slightly to slap his chest. "Damn it, Cas! Don't sneak up on a pregnant chick! Especially one who is a hunter! I could have killed you!"

Dean chose that moment to walk in. "Hey, Cas. I see you met my lady."

Ryan just looked over at him. They weren't sure what to call each other. They weren't married, well, not on Earth, but boyfriend/girlfriend labels seemed so childish. So, they'd just resorted to calling one another 'my lady' or 'my woman' and 'my man'. It worked well enough for now. She glanced up at the angel she was still currently attached to and took a step back. "You flew here."

Cas nodded.

"You got your wings back? Dude! That's awesome."

Castiel smiled. "Thank you, Dean. Yes, we have found a way to reset a few things within Heaven that Metatron destroyed."

"And your grace?"

"I'm not using my own, which is...frustrating."

Ryan just looked at him in confusion. "If you aren't using your own...whose are you using?"

"Metatron's."

Dean blinked and his eyes narrowed. "And why would you want anything Metadouche had?"

"Because it is the only way I will live, Dean!" Cas snapped. He sighed. "It is not ideal, but for some reason, the angels insist on keeping me. I am to liaise with you and your family in any of your needs to help the prophecies come to light. This is...it is uncharted territory. They felt I would be of most use helping you."

"But, if you have borrowed grace, won't it burn out?" Ryan questioned.

"Not like this. It was gifted to me, begrudgingly, but it was gifted to me. I will be able to keep this grace." He frowned. "I do not care for it much, though. It is...displeasing."

"Why?"

"It is an offensive color. And I dislike the look of my repaired wings."

Ryan tried and failed to hold in a giggle. "This is...a vanity thing?"

"It is not for your amusement, Ryan Fawcett."

She bit her lip to avoid laughing again and nodded. "I apologize."

"You do not sound particularly apologetic."

"That's because she's not. She's laughing at you, man," Dean told him.

"Dean!" she growled playfully.

Dean shrugged. "What? It's true and you know it." He sniffed the air. "Oh! What'cha baking?"

He moved to the stove and Ryan side-stepped to be in his way, blocking him from the oven. "Ah-ah-ah. It's for dessert. Go play with your friend and I'll see you later."

"Actually, Ryan, I would like to speak with you as well as Sam and Hope. I assume since Gabriel is still a child, he would be of no help."

"Hindrance, most likely," Dean told him. "My boy is a live-wire."

A look passed in Castiel's eyes, across his face. It was a soft look of acceptance, of joy. He liked seeing Dean this happy, Ryan could tell. Well, so did she. She had often wondered about the Winchester's angel friend. She knew he cared for them, but she wasn't sure if he really cared for them as much as he seemed to. She was pleased to see he did. And, it seemed as though they definitely cared for him just as much. "Hope will be home from school in a few minutes. Sam is picking her up and bringing her here. So you will have to wait a bit."

Cas nodded. "Is Gabriel here? I would like to see him."

"Bobby is here," she corrected. "He doesn't know he's an angel. He's a three year old little boy. I'd like for him to stay that way. For now, at least."

Cas nodded in acquiescence. "Of course. I wish to merely observe him."

"You could call older Gabe in, you know."

Cas hesitated, but only for a moment. "He is quite busy now. I have spoken to him, yes, but I do not wish to disturb him. He has learned a few things about Hell and Crowley so he is quite busy."

"He okay?" Dean inquired.

Cas smiled. "Yes. He definitely is. I would never have believed how much like the Winchesters an angel could be. It is...fascinating. He is still the Gabriel I remember, though we were not close, but he is also so similar to you, Dean. As I said...fascinating." He paused. "If I may? I would just like to observe Ga-Bobby, at the moment."

"He's playing in the living room," Ryan told him.

"Let me come with ya, Cas. I was playing with him a minute ago when I heard you come in," Dean told him. "I'll show you the joys of playing with Lego's."

"They are plastic bricks, am I right?" Cas asked as Dean steered him out of the kitchen.

Dean gasped. "I'm offended, man! They're more than just some plastic bricks!"

Ryan chuckled as she watched them walk away. She shook her head. She could only imagine what Cas had to say.

* * *

Once Sam and Hope arrived, Hope eagerly hugged Castiel as well and they seemed to have a silent conversation. As a matter of fact, Ryan was quite sure they were. Her daughter's angel grace seemed to grow by the day in some form or another.

They stepped away from one another and Ryan's eyebrow rose. "So...uh...you two have met?" she asked softly.

"Not exactly," Cas told her.

"I saw him, in Heaven, but we weren't officially introduced, back in the day," Hope explained. "But I have offered to fix his grace for him, now that he has some to keep."

"Fix it? How?" Sam asked as he snagged a beer from the fridge, tossing one to Dean. He handed Ryan a bottle of water and tossed a soda to Hope.

She caught the can and opened it, took a sip, then said, "As a virtue, that was one of the things I could do, bind grace. It's what Gabriel did, in part, along with some rather interesting dark magic we don't want to discuss, to put us in these vessels, bind us to them. I was offering to do that to Cas."

"When you say 'bind them' do you mean..."

She nodded. "He would be stuck in this vessel. It is reversible, but complicated."

"Is that something you'd like, Cas?" Dean asked him.

Castiel was thoughtful as he looked down at his shoes. "I have begun to believe the angels are just as wrong to take willing vessels as the demons are at taking unwilling vessels. I have been reviewing quite a few things in Heaven, and, too, Gabriel has been giving me information about your past, Ryan..."

She cringed. "What things?"

The angel's face turned to her, his piercing blue eyes seeming to see into her very soul, and maybe they did. "Everything. No secrets, I do believe he kept some of the more private details to himself, but he has told me he lived within you for a time..."

She nodded. "Yeah, he did. We were...roommates, for lack of a better word, for a few years. He almost died getting back to me. I don't know how he did it."

Cas frowned. "I do not know how he did quite a few things. He is quite crafty, Gabriel."

At that, Sam snorted. "I don't think you know the half of it, Cas."

Hope chuckled. "Trust me. I've lived with him longer than any of you. You are just skimming the surface of what Gabriel is capable of."

"This is exciting and all, but what's the endgame here, Cas?" Dean asked. "What are we supposed to do? I mean, there's a prophecy, right? So? What's it say?"

"Of course. I should have led with that. Excuse me. This whole thing is just..."

"Fascinating?" Ryan provided.

"Exactly."

She smiled. "So, we're awesome. We get that. Now what?"

Cas cleared his throat and recited; "He who is the righteous man will bear fruit, and thus the balance will be restored; one to Heaven, one to Hell, one to Purgatory, and one to the Earth. This shall bring about the balance between the plains. And then the man, who was dealt many blows, shall finally find peace."

They all sat in silence a moment before Dean said, "Four? But...we only have three."

He looked at Ryan, who shook her head. "Oh, no, I ain't signing up for no more babies, Dean."

"But you already have a fourth child," Castiel stated.

Dean's brows furrowed. "I do?"

Cas nodded. "Benjamin Isaac Braeden, born May First, 1999 to Lisa Braeden. Father listed as unknown, but when I went to them, I checked. He is your son, Dean."

Ryan felt it like a blow. She had wondered, no, she had known, just like Bobby Singer had known about Hope. He looked like the perfect mix of Dean and Lisa. But...still...this...she gasped out a breath.

Dean was shaking his head. "But...you stole their memories, Cas. How could Ben work the Earth against evil if he doesn't remember!"

"I did not steal their memories."

"WHAT?!"

Cas didn't cringe at the tone and volume of Dean's voice, but Ryan did. "I did not steal their memories," Cas informed them. "I borrowed them for a time. I put up a wall in their minds. Their memories of you slowly trickled back to them. I did not feel it was for me to take them from them."

"I...I don't know what to say to you right now, man."

"Thank him," Ryan stated in a strained voice.

"What?"

She looked into Dean's wide eyes. "Thank him. Then you figure out how and when to contact them."

"Why?"

She sighed. She knew Dean would stay with her, now. She had no doubts about their relationship, even if she did in the beginning. But this was a gift Cas had unknowingly handed him. "Ben loved you, Dean. So much. So...you need to contact him. You should see him." She remembered some of the memories Gabriel had given her; seeing Ben, hugging him, calling him to the dinner table. Somehow, some way, he joined their family. If Dean made amends with him now, it would make the transition easier. Something must happen to Lisa. She didn't know what, or when, but it must be within the next year or two. She remembered seeing Hope sitting next to Ben at the dinner table, arguing about the best carburetor for a 1965 Mustang GTO. Hope looked older, but not yet an adult.

"Ry..."

She smiled and shrugged. "What? You know I'm right."

"I don't...this doesn't change..."

She nodded. "I know that. But this...this is unfinished business, Dean."

He huffed out a breath. "Not until after Jon comes."

She licked her lips as she thought. "That sounds...reasonable."

"Good. So, Cas, what do we need to do?"

Cas shook his head. "Nothing. You are doing it. Live your lives. Train the children. I am to assume since you have an angel, an angel/vampire cross-breed and a half demon child, they will learn to handle things without prejudice." He glanced from Dean to Ryan before his eyes moved to Sam. "I am to assume the three of you can get past your personal prejudices?"

"Of course we will," Ryan told him hotly as her hand went to her stomach. "This child is our son. We will love him no matter what, especially since he can no more control what he is than I can."

"Ryan," Dean began.

"No, Dean, don't. I'm..." She searched for the right word. "We all know what I am. I'm a ticking time bomb until we get the demon blood out of me. I unlocked the damn cage, Dean. So don't think we're out of the woods yet."

"I'm not saying we're out of the woods but we've got time..."

"Do we? You stare at me like I'm about to go darkside any minute."

"I'm afraid for you, not of you, Ryan."

"You should be terrified," she told him. She felt the demon blood in her. Maybe it was because she was imagining it, but the thick, black ooze seemed to flow into her, through her, and it made her almost sick to realize it. No, they would definitely love Jon, but it would take some getting used to.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not. I've stared down almost every evil son of a bitch you can imagine, and you, cupcake, you don't even rank the top twenty."

She smirked at that. "Not even when I'm pissed off?"

He smiled and amended, "Okay, maybe when you're pissed off you're like, number nineteen..."

She giggled and leaned over to kiss him. "I love you."

He accepted the kiss and grabbed her hand. "We'll get through all this crap. It's the Winchester way."

She sucked in a breath. Everything would be fine. She had to have faith it would. Ben, the other kids, her and Dean, all of it. It would work itself out. She knew it.

* * *

**October First**

Ryan scrubbed a hand over her face as she looked over the police reports. Someone was going to have to take this. She sighed. She was alone in the bunker. Sam had run to the store for more beer for them and flavored water for her, and Dean had taken Bobby to preschool. She had been worried about putting him in a school program, but so far, he wasn't showing any signs of being vampy or particularly heavenly, so, they were going to let him be a normal little boy for now. And, Dean had done as promised, and had potty trained him. She had been thoroughly impressed by that.

She glanced up as the two men reappeared almost simultaneously and she had to grin. "Do you two plan that?"

"What?" they asked in unison.

She shook her head. "I just...I don't know if I'll ever move in sync like you two do."

"You spend your whole life training with someone, you tend to move together. Don't worry, you'll fit right in, when you're ready," Dean told her.

"Yeah. And if you don't acclimate, maybe you'll move just different enough to make it almost like a dance," Sam chimed in.

"A dance? Okay, Baryshnikov," Dean snorted.

"Hey, I wasn't the one that wanted to wear the ballet slippers," Sam shot back.

Dean opened his mouth to argue and then snapped it shut, causing Ryan to giggle.

Sam nodded, as if Dean had agreed with him. "But like a dance, it ebbs and flows, the partners move in motions that sometimes counteract, but always come together in the end."

Dean just looked at him. "You sound so gay right now."

"Shut up, jerk."

"At least I'm not a little bitch," Dean replied.

"Boys! Focus!" Ryan called, reining them in. The two men looked at her and she blinked, shook her head, then said, "Come check this out. I just got this report..."

They both crowded over her shoulder and read the detailed file from the Orange County Police. "A werewolf? In L.A.? Cool," Dean mused.

Ryan snorted. "Yeah, figured you'd say that."

He walked around the table and sat across from her. He glanced at Sam, then Ryan, then back, then his eyes finally settled on her. "So? We won't go. We'll get someone else..."

Ryan sighed. "There isn't anyone else. We only have a few hunters we're really relying on now. Tory's involved in a vengeful spirit in Omaha and your friend Mike is neck deep in a vampire nest in New Jersey. Hector's out with a broken leg, and Andy's out of the country. That leaves you guys."

"What about..." Dean trained off and frowned.

Ryan chuckled. "Not so many people you trust, huh?"

"We need to do better than this. We're Men of Letters. We need to start networking better."

She agreed. "We're doing a good job, Sam, but it'll take time. Some people don't necessarily trust the Winchester name."

"Like your friend, Andy?" Dean snorted.

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Leave her out of this. Besides, as I said, she's out of the country."

Sam looked between the two of them like he was missing something, but wisely chose not to open his mouth.

"So...what? You want us to leave?" Dean asked.

"I don't _want _you two to go, no, but I'm afraid you'll need to. I can handle the kids. This will take a week, tops."

"Seriously?"

She nodded. "I trust you two to come back in one piece. We're hunters. We need to do this."

"I said I wasn't going to hunt until after the baby," Dean reminded her quietly.

She smiled softly. Oh how she loved this man. He was getting it. He really was. She reached across the table and grasped his hand. "And I'm glad you said that. But we're fine. We're settled. We're safe, Dean. You two can go on the hunt. I promise not to bitch at you for leaving. This thing is massacring people. I mean, not that I wouldn't mind it taking out almost every A-Lister in Hollywood, but they deserve to earn their living making crap movies..." Sam chuckled but she ignored him as she looked into Dean's eyes. "I know you'll come home."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and smiled. "Definitely. Now, go get your shit together, Winchester. You boys have a hunt."

She didn't miss the excited look on Dean's face as he stood and hurried in the direction of the garage, muttering about silver bullets and how many guns they'd need.

"That was nice, Ryan," Sam stated from where he sat at one of the other tables.

She shrugged. "He's a hunter. I never asked him to _stop _hunting."

Sam stood and walked to her, clapping his huge hand on her shoulder. "But it makes a difference because you asked him _to _hunt."

She smiled up at him. "Yeah? Well you're the poor sap that has to hunt with him."

Sam sighed dramatically. "'Tis my cross to bear."

She smirked as she watched him walk away. His comment reminded him of Andy. She shook her head, wondering if Gabriel's cryptic comments meant what she thought they meant, and if so, how everyone would handle it. _Another day, Fawcett. You've got enough on your plate at the moment..._

* * *

**October Thirty-First**

**Dean POV**

Dean was excited. No, scratch that. He was beyond excited. He didn't know when he'd been this excited. Today was Halloween. He loved Halloween. The candy, the kids dressed in cool costumes, the candy...what wasn't to like? Add that to the fact his boy had decided to dress up as a cowboy? Yeah, he was flying on cloud nine as he put his serape on over his western shirt. He'd gone all out with Bobby's costume, so, naturally, he'd gotten one himself. They'd had a movie marathon where they'd watched some of Clint Eastwood's best, though, Ryan hadn't been thrilled with Bobby watching them. Of course, the kid crapped out halfway through the first movie, but still. It had been fun.

He thought a moment how drastically their lives had changed. He loved it, most of the time. It was unreal, that's what it was. Ryan and the kids, him and Sam, they'd all managed to merge into one family unit almost seamlessly. Granted, there had been a few bumps in the road, and a couple of hissy fits, and more than a few sharp words uttered, but they were figuring it out.

"Hope!" he called as he stepped from his and Ryan's room. "You ready?"

"Yep!" he heard her reply from downstairs.

"Bobby?"

"Wight hewe, Daddy!" Bobby called as he walked out of his room. He was dressed to the nines, naturally, and he was wearing Dean's sheriff's badge. Dean had put it on him and told him it was a real badge. It was probably stupid for him to have kept it after Cas sent him back after that phoenix, but he'd kept the memento. Now, he was glad he did. Bobby had looked at it with a reverence Dean had never seen and had hugged him so tight. It was awesome.

Dean hoisted the little boy up into his arms and carried him downstairs where Sam, Ryan, and Hope were waiting. "Sam, you look ridiculous." Apparently he and Hope were both dressed as doctors from Doctor Who. She was dressed as Ten and he was dressed as Eleven. Or at least, that's what they told him. He still hadn't quite managed to get involved in that. But Sam liked it, so he figured it was good for the kid to have something to do with her uncle. She had begun really working on the cars with Dean. She knew a lot already. It was cool. He'd fixed up the garage that was out to the side of the house. He and Hope had gone and raided Bobby's old salvage yard and found some things they could use as well. Now he had a fully functioning garage he could work on the cars anytime he wanted.

"Oh! You two are so cute!" Ryan gushed. "Let me get my camera..."

Dean rolled his eyes but didn't comment. He secretly liked it. He knew she knew he did, too. They all posed for pictures and then it was time to go. There was a small community about five miles down the road with about a billion houses in it they were going to hit. He was planning on his kids bringing home the most candy.

He glanced at Ryan. "You sure you want to go to the bunker tonight?"

She rubbed her stomach. Their boy was growing like a weed. Even she had commented how much bigger she was this time around. He didn't know if he should be worried about that or not, but the doctors all seemed to think the kid was fine, just big for his gestational age. It was weird Dean knew that. He knew a lot about this all now. Who would have ever thought?

"Yeah," she answered." I'm tired and I wanted to get that test finished for Hope."

Dean's nose curled. "Ghouls. Yeah, she needs to know how to spot them."

"Especially since even we have trouble with that," Sam put in.

"Honestly, you mistake a ghoul for your half brother once..." Dean murmured.

Ryan laughed. "Okay, okay, let's go."

They walked out to the Impala and Sam slid into the backseat. "I could ride back there, you know," Ryan told him.

Sam shrugged. "You, uh, you need to be in the more comfortable seat."

She glanced down at her stomach. "Ya think?" She chuckled. "Thanks, Sammy. I appreciate it."

Dean smiled as he finished latching Bobby into his carseat. He wasn't sure how Ryan had started calling his brother 'Sammy' but neither he nor Sam seemed to mind. She had been good for Sam, just like she'd said she would. She was mothering him, mothering all of them, actually. Dean knew he had his own issues, and they were working on them, but he was glad to see Ryan taking care of his little brother, just like he would.

Well, maybe not just like he would...Ryan tended to be less...brusque than Dean was. But she was firm. Way firmer with discipline than Dean. He winced as he remembered the spanking Bobby had gotten yesterday. Granted, running away from Ryan in the parking lot of the grocery store hadn't been a smart move on the kid's part, but still...

"Pilot to co-pilot," Ryan stated as she laid a hand on his arm. "We going or what?"

He smiled and nodded. "Let's go."

He drove to the bunker and Ryan stood, but she leaned back into the car with a warning; "Remember, do not let them eat so much candy they puke, Dean. And, uh, you'd do well to remember that, yourself."

"Ha, ha, ha. I've never eaten until I've puked."

"Ah..." Sam began with a raised hand.

"Shut it, Sam," Dean growled and his brother knew well enough to clamp his mouth shut. "We'll be fine."

"Okay. " She turned to the backseat where Hope was sliding over since Sam had stood to move to the front seat. "Have fun you guys."

"We will!" Hope called excitedly.

"Babe, I'll drop them off at home and Sam can get them ready for bed, okay?"

Ryan nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Thanks, boys. See you in a bit."

Dean waited until she was safely ensconced in the bunker before he drove away. "Okay. Who's ready to trick-or-treat?"

"Me!" Bobby shouted. "Candies! Wowwypopses!"

Dean chuckled. The kid certainly had Gabriel's sweet tooth, that much was for sure. And he loved lollypops. They were his favorite.

Three hours, two giant bags full of candy, and one passed out angel-boy later, they arrived back at the house. Trick-or-treating was awesome and he couldn't wait to do it next year with another little monster in the mix. He was already thinking of themed costumes. They could be Avengers. He could so get behind Ryan in a Black Widow costume. Oh, or he could be Batman and she could be Cat Woman...or...thoughts of Ryan acting as Lara Croft: Tomb Raider filled his head and he cleared his throat. No need to go down that road just yet...

He smiled at Hope who gave him a little wave as she walked in front of the car and he turned to his brother. "Thanks, Sam, for taking them in."

Sam smiled as he lifted Bobby to his shoulder. The kid was knocked out cold. "I love these kids, Dean. I'm..." he shook his head. "I'm so glad our lives turned out like they did. We've been through a lot of shit and it finally feels like we're at a good place, you know?"

Dean smiled. "Yeah. Try not jinx it, okay?"

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

They smiled at one another and Dean watched him go into the house. They'd managed to talk Sam into taking the basement room for himself. It gave him a little bit of privacy, but he could still be with them. Dean knew it might not be 'normal' or even 'healthy' but he liked having his family all under one roof. And since Ryan didn't seem to mind, it worked out perfectly.

Dean drove back to the bunker and walked in, surprised he didn't see Ryan at the tables, working away on the test. He walked over to the stack of papers and smiled. She was already finished. Oh. Maybe she was playing hide and seek with him and that would lead to some sexy times. He wouldn't mind that... "Ryan? Come out, come out, wherever you are!" he called.

Just then, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he was on alert. Something wasn't right. He couldn't put his finger on what, but it wasn't. He drew his gun and waited a breath. "Ryan?" he called again.

That was when he heard it...a bloodcurdling scream ripped from her throat. "Ryan!" he shouted as he tried to figure out where the scream came from.

He raced down the hallways until he made it to the bedrooms where he heard her panting and crying. "Ryan..."

"Dean!" she shouted and he stopped dead.

She was clutching her midsection and she was standing... "Holy shit," she was standing in a pool of blood.

He was by her side in an instant. "What happened?"

"N-nothing! The...I was walking around. The light was on in here. I walked in and saw the blade here, in this box. It...it wasn't here yesterday."

He glanced at The First Blade and he shivered as he remembered the raw power it gave him. "So, what?! Your first instinct was to pick it up?!"

"It called to me!" she shouted before she moaned and almost sank to her knees. "Dean...this is bad. Really..." She gasped and both her hands moved to her stomach.

He held her up and rubbed her belly as well. The muscles under the skin were tight and almost spasming. That didn't sound normal to him. "Okay, okay, Ryan. It'll be alright..." Wouldn't it?

She nodded and he noticed for the first time just how damn pale she was. Her lips were the same color as her face, which was ashen. Just then, her eyes widened and then she went limp. "Ryan? Ryan! CAS!" he screamed. "Cas! I need you, now! Gabriel! Somebody!"

Cas appeared in a flap of wings. Dean didn't quite understand how they all go their mojo restored, but he was glad they had. "Dean! What is..." the angel saw Ryan and the blood and he paled. It was never good when an angel went pale, was it?

"Cas, man, fix her."

Cas shook his head. "I can't...I..."

"For Dad's sake!" Gabriel shouted as he appeared. He tapped Ryan's forehead and she came to on a scream. Gabriel blew out a breath. "Put her on the bed."

"You knew?" Dean began.

Gabriel nodded. "Jon comes into the world when Mom touches The First Blade. The power transfers from her to him and that sets the ball into motion. I'm...I'm the one that put it here."

"That would have been nice to know, Gabriel," Ryan growled through clenched teeth as a contraction ripped through her.

"Remind me to punch you in the face later," Dean growled at his son.

Gabriel shrugged. "Spoilers. I couldn't tell you. I know how your mind works, Dad. You would have tried to stop this from happening."

"You think?!" Dean shouted.

"Can we focus on me, please?!" Ryan screamed. The lights in the bunker flickered and she gasped. "Did I do that?"

Dean watched as Gabriel gave her a sad smile. "Yeah. You did."

"Fucking hell. Get the kid out of me and get me healed, Gabriel! I don't wanna be a damn demon!"

Gabriel smiled. "I love it when you scream at me. It lets me know you love me."

"I'm going to strangle you and Cas will have to bring your ass back to life," she threatened. "And then I'll kill you again!"

Gabriel's eyebrows rose. "I know Sam will be so glad it's Dad this time around instead of him..."

Dean blinked. "This time around..._SAM _delivered Jon?"

"Well, it wasn't like Cas was gonna do it."

Moaning from the bed caused three male heads to turn toward Ryan. "Holy fucking shit. What are we going to do?" Dean whispered.

Gabriel held up both hands. "I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies."

"Thanks, Gabriel. You're tons of help."

"Angels can not help with this," Cas told them. "It is a gift from God to deliver a child. We can not, must not, interfere."

"For once, Rulebook Rita over there is right," Gabriel told them. He glanced down at his mother. "Sorry, Mom. You gotta do this on your own."

Dean saw her head fall back onto the pillow. She was already covered in a sheen of sweat and Dean wasn't sure about the blood. How much had she already lost? Were they really going to just let her...?

"Fine," she panted. "It won't be the first time. Go, get some blankets, towels, put water on the boil. Make yourselves useful with your dicks and your dickish attitudes and all your maleness while I birth the damn kid."

Dean's lip quirked but he did as she asked, directing the other two men to find the supplies they'd need. He remembered reading about this. He'd prepared, just in case. Sam might be the reigning research king, but that didn't mean Dean had wanted to go into this whole birth thing blind. Granted, he didn't think he'd be the one actually delivering the kid, but he'd seen movies. He'd watched online videos. He could...he could do this.

He knelt beside the bed and pushed her hair away from her sweaty brow. "Hey, you can do this."

"I'm scared, Dee," she whispered. "What if something goes wrong?"

"We've got two angels here in case it does."

"What if...what if them purifying me doesn't work? It didn't before."

"I was a demon before. Now I'm not."

"I can't be that, Dean. Promise me...if they don't cure me..."

"Shhh," he whispered as he kissed her lips. "You'll be fine. I swear it."

She began panting as another contraction hit and she grabbed his hand, squeezing as hard as she could until it passed.

He pulled his hand away when she sank deeper into the bed. He opened and closed his hand a few times. He was afraid she'd broken bones in there. She seemed...stronger. And not in a good way. He opened and closed his hand again. He'd have Cas look at it later.

Gabriel came back in then with a handful of towels. "How are things?" Dean asked. "Where are you now? What are you doing?"

"Good. Can't tell. Staying busy."

Dean just looked at him. "You're being vague."

"It's how I work."

Dean let out a growl but then Ryan cried out and he was by her side in an instant. "Okay, babe, it's okay. You can so do this."

He glanced up in time to see Gabriel smiling at them. "What?"

Gabe shook his head. "I just...I never thought I'd see it. The two of you together like this." He was quiet a moment before he added, "I handed you both a bad break. I'm sorry for that."

Dean shrugged. "It had to be us, right?"

Gabriel sighed. "I could have gone against His wishes. I could have...I didn't have to doom you two to this..."

"We aren't...we aren't doomed," Ryan panted. "You kids are the best thing that happened to me. You gave me a life, Gabriel." She cried out as another contraction came and went. "Of course, it would be easier with some drugs, but..."

Gabriel chuckled and Dean wasn't surprised to see the boy battling some tears. Dean had a few of his own. He would never, never wish this pain on anyone. How had Ryan done it twice before? She'd had Hope naturally, though in the hospital. She'd had Bobby the same way, but while under the stress of a broken leg and after a werewolf attack. How in the hell was she this strong? He kissed her forehead again.

Cas came back in looking slightly ruffled. "What do we do now?" he wanted to know.

Ryan took a breath. "Now, we wait."

The labor stuff wasn't fun. But the waiting was worse. Dean consulted his books and figured out how and when to check her, which was gross, but he'd do anything for his woman, and after all, she was doing all the hard stuff. During a lull in the contractions, she tiredly reached for his hand. "Promise me something."

"Anything, babe," he said as he scooted closer to her on the bed.

"Promise me you won't look at me differently."

His brows furrowed. "Than what?"

She took a few breaths and gave him a half smile. "After watching your son be born. I don't want you having nightmares the next time we try to..."

He chuckled. "I'm pretty sure an alien could burst out of your stomach and I'd still want you, Ryan. I swear it."

"Good," she murmured sleepily. "That's...that's good."

He watched her doze. They were getting close. Any rest she could get was rest she would need. He glanced at the clock. Eleven thirty-seven. It was almost midnight. "Hey, Gabe?"

Gabriel had been hovering by the door but he walked over and knelt in front of Dean. "Yeah?"

"Jon's born on Halloween, isn't he?"

Gabriel nodded.

"Yeah, that's what I figured." He paused a moment. "You know what they say about Halloween..."

"Yep. Most of it's true."

"That one, I did know," Dean murmured as Ryan's eyes shot open and she cried out, causing the lights to flicker again.

He moved to the foot of the bed just as she said, "I think it's about time..."

He nodded. "I know." He looked at Cas. "As soon as the kid is born, I want you to start purifying her."

"But, Dean..."

"Do it, Cas. She can't turn into a demon."

"She didn't turn this soon the first time, Dad," Gabriel told him.

"I don't care. I want that shit out of her."

Cas bowed his head. "Of course."

Dean glanced at Ryan. "Okay, babe. You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she told him through clenched teeth, but she offered him a smile. "How many dads can say they delivered their kids?"

"None I know. But I don't know that many dads."

"Maybe we need to get you into a 'Daddy and Me' program."

Dean snorted. "Uh, no, thanks."

She reached over and grabbed Gabriel's hand. "You stay with me, angel boy."

Gabriel smiled and instead of just sitting there, holding her hand, moved into position to sit behind her. "I've got you, Mom. Ryan. I've had you since you were born. I'll look after you."

"Promise?"

"I promise. And if I don't, you get to clip my wings."

She chortled at that. "I guess I did raise you right, huh?"

"And you'll do it again. Come on. Let's welcome my baby brother into the world."

Dean focused on what he was doing and was completely in awe with Ryan. It was disgusting. He felt sure he'd have to burn the sheets, the mattress, hell, the whole damn bed when she was done, but at the same time, it was also the single most awe inspiring thing he'd ever witnessed, and even if he hadn't met an angel of the lord or two, he would never doubt God again as he watched his son being born. With one final push, a scream from Ryan, and all of the lights blowing in the hallway, Jonathan made his way into the world, screaming as well.

Tears were streaming down his face as he pinched off the cord with some hemistats Gabriel had found in the medical bay and clipped it before he wrapped Jon in a towel, wiping all the gunk off of him as best he could. The kid was a wailer, too. "Hey, little man. Welcome to the world, Jonathan." He wrapped the kid then in one of his old shirts, one of his softest tees, and turned back to the bed. "Ryan, look..." He looked at the bed. Gabriel had arranged her on the bed but she was passed out. "She out already?"

"Dean..." Cas began.

"Ryan, come on, babe. Meet our son."

"Dad..."

Dean swallowed. "No."

"Dean."

"No!" he shouted as he handed the baby to Gabriel and was by Ryan's side in an instant. She wasn't breathing. That little pulse he could always see in her gorgeous long neck wasn't thumping. "No, NO!"

"Dean, she lost too much blood. She..I do not know how she survived to birth him..." Castiel's voice was pleading for him to understand words he couldn't comprehend.

"Bring her back."

This time, the angel's voice was firm. "Dean, her soul is already in Heaven."

"I don't give a fuck where you have to go to find it. BRING HER BACK."

"Dad..."

He turned to Gabriel. "You. You go get her."

Gabriel shook his head. "I...I can't. I don't have access to Heaven. I'm not allowed in, partially because of my vampire side, and partially because even though I brought the prophecies to life, I'm still a traitor."

Dean all but leaped onto Cas and held him by the collar. "God DAMN you, Cas! You go up there and get her. NOW. I don't give a flying fuck if she's in Heaven or not, I need her HERE." Dean almost fell to his knees as he staggered backward. "I need her here."

The whole room was silent except for Jon's little squawks. "She needs to be here for the kids. I need her. They need her. Can't you see? Cas, please. I swear to God, I'll never ask you for another thing. But please. Please bring her back to me. I can't...God help me I can't do this alone."

Cas nodded. "I will explain to Hannah why we need Ryan Fawcett to live."

"Winchester."

"What?"

"As soon as she wakes up, I'm marrying that girl. She's Ryan Winchester."

Gabriel smiled. "What if she doesn't want your name, Dad?"

"Tough shit. She wants that battle, she can fight it out with me. I need her. I'm a better man with her, Cas. You know it. You've seen it."

Cas bowed his head and in a flurry of wings, he was gone.

Dean turned to Gabriel. "You knew, didn't you?" He wasn't angry, well, maybe a little bit, but he couldn't do a damn thing about it either way.

Gabriel licked his lips nervously and nodded. "I knew she died. I knew Cas brought her back. I didn't think...I thought it would be avoided by me being here. But I'm useless. I'm so damn useless. I can't do anything right."

Dean's brow furrowed as he stepped to his sons. He might have been faithless in a lot of ways, but he believed in Cas, had since that first meeting years ago in that old rickety barn. It had wavered a few times. After all, the angel had been through so many transformations. But Dean didn't doubt him now. So, he put aside his grief as he heard the hurt in Gabriel's voice. He couldn't help Ryan, that was Castiel's job. But he could help his son.

He put a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "Look, I'm getting to know baby you, so, I don't know how to talk to grown you. But you're not useless. You've fixed so much, Gabe. You got me and her together. And...and even if Cas couldn't bring her back..."

"You'd find another way to bring her back. Then you'd probably be indebted to a demon or a witch or god or something."

Dean smiled at that. "Probably. But you...you're good, Gabriel. You're a good man."

"Thanks. That...that means a lot, coming from you. It really does."

Suddenly, Cas reappeared. "Everything is in order now."

"Wait," Dean stopped him. He knew he ripped Sam away from his happiness in Heaven with Jess and their mom. Was he condemning Ryan to that same fate? "Is...was she happy, up there?"

Cas shook his head. "She kept searching for you. She felt sure she was in a djinn hallucination."

Dean smiled. "That's my girl."

He watched as Castiel's hand glowed white and he touched Ryan. First, her stomach, healing the damage caused by the hemorrhaging, Dean assumed, and he heard Gabriel mutter, "Make her whole, Cas."

"But..."

"Whole."

Cas nodded but remained quiet as he moved up her body to her head where he laid a hand on her forehead. "Are you sure you wish me to purify her now?"

"Will it change Jon any if he's nursed by a chick that doesn't have demon blood in her?"

"No. It should not have any effect on him in the least."

"Will it screw with him if she's got some angel grace if you go overboard?"

"Of course not."

"Then, do it."

"As you wish," Cas commented as he produced a syringe full of blood. He injected it into her neck at the same time as he restarted her heart, apparently, because Ryan gasped, but remained unconscious.

"Is she okay?"

Cas nodded. "She is still asleep." He changed a glance at Gabriel. "This is painful, is it not?"

Gabriel nodded. "It can be, yes, but I don't know...she's not a demon yet, so it probably won't bother her."

"If there's a chance this will hurt her, we need to keep her knocked out until she's done," Dean told them flatly.

"Dad...Jon's gonna need something to eat..."

Dean glanced over at his sons and he nodded. "Can you go get some formula? He just needs enough until she wakes up."

"She can go through this while she's awake. It may be preferable," Cas told him.

"You want her hurting while she's going through this?!"

Gabriel shook his head. "Of course not. But she'll want to be here. She'll hate she missed his first feeding. She was always angry I got taken away from her before she could..." he shrugged. "Just a suggestion though."

Dean nodded. He was exhausted. His emotions had run the gambit tonight. "Okay, whatever you think is best."

Gabriel handed the baby back to Dean and asked Cas, "May I?"

Castiel nodded with a smile. "Be my guest."

Gabriel placed two fingertips to Ryan's forehead and she blinked her eyes open. "What happened?"

"Nothing we couldn't handle," Gabriel told her.

"Dean?"

"Right here, babe," Dean said as he handed Jon to her. "You did it."

Ryan sucked in a breath and two tears rolled down her face. "We did it."

"Trust me. That's all you. All I did was catch him."

"He's perfect, Dean. Look...he's got your nose."

"All the kids do."

"Yeah..." she ran her hands over the boy's hands, feet, head..."He's gorgeous. And look, no tail or horns or anything."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah. Guess the whole demon thing is internal, huh?"

"He's just perfect," she continued to coo.

"And now he's out of you, we're purifying you," Gabriel told her. "Well, Cas is, in any case."

Ryan glanced at Cas. "Thank you, Castiel."

He smiled and nodded. "It is my pleasure. Now, I believe we will let you have some privacy. It seems as though the little one is hungry. I will return in about an hour for your next treatment, Ryan."

"Yeah, I gotta jet. I got some place I gotta be," Gabriel told them.

Ryan reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him down so she could kiss his cheek. "Don't be a stranger, boy."

He smiled. "Wouldn't dream of it. See you two soon."

Ryan chuckled as she looked down at Jon. "Boy, do we know how to clear a room or what?"

"Are you in any pain? Cas said this would hurt..." Dean began.

She shook her head. "No. I feel...I feel fine. Better than fine, actually. I feel...complete, in a way I never have."

He knew what she meant. He had, too, since the angel blood. "You're going to nurse him? What do you need?"

"Another pillow is all we'll need. He does the rest." Dean got her a pillow and watched in fascination as his son eagerly attached himself to her nipple and began to suck hungrily. "He's already a little piggy, just like his big brother. Just like his daddy."

Dean felt it, then, all those emotions crashed over him and he couldn't hold in the sobs as he wrapped his arm around Ryan, sitting on the bed next to her, Jon squished between them. "I almost lost you, Ryan. I did lose you."

"What are you..."

"You died. Cas brought you back."

"I...I _died_?"

Dean nodded. "I'm sorry. I should have let you enjoy your Heaven. I should have..."

She silenced him with her lips on his. "My Heaven is with you, Dean. Forever."

He pulled her closer. "Forever."

They were silent a while as Jon nursed and Dean was again fascinated as Ryan switched him to her other breast. "I'm jealous," he told her.

She giggled. "You want to taste breast milk? Be my guest."

His nose wrinkled. "Nah, I'm good." He blew out a breath. "Guess you'll have to take it easy a few days."

"Why?"

"Uh, you died. You're getting the treatments. You just had a freaking kid, babe."

"I feel completely normal."

"You look great. Is that what women usually look like after having a kid?"

She glanced down at herself. He couldn't tell she'd ever been pregnant. She looked like she always did, or rather, had, in the past, in any case. "Oh, God no. No, Cas did me a solid, I guess. Or Gabriel. Who healed me?"

"Cas did most of it, but there were a few things Gabriel did. He loves you, Ryan. So much."

"I love him, too. And I love you." She leaned up to capture his lips and he eagerly complied. He wrapped his arms around her tighter as they both leaned back against the headboard. "So...I start my training tomorrow, right?"

Dean chuckled, all of the night's horrors and work catching up to him. "Next week. I need a vacation."

She chortled. "Hey, I'm the one that did all the work. All you did was catch him."

Dean tried to wake up enough to come back with some kind of witty retort, but he was too tired. He fell asleep with his head leaning down on hers.

He woke some time later to an empty bed, his neck bent at an odd angle, and his foot asleep. He looked around and saw Ryan cooing over a basket. He stood and walked to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He had gotten so used to her stomach being in the way, he was amazed to feel flatness there instead of a bump. "Hey."

"Hi."

"You're up. Should you be up?"

She just nodded. "I took a shower, got dressed. Hope you don't mind me borrowing your clothes..."

The sleep pants were huge on her, as was the band tee advertising Bad Company. The shirt she had tied in a knot on her side. Her feet were bare, he noticed, her bright orange toes peeking at him from under the rolled up pant legs. She looked like a teenager all fresh-faced with her hair up in a wet, sloppy ponytail. "No problem. You look beautiful."

She snorted, but smiled. "So...we've got another kid."

"We do at that."

"What the hell are we going to do with him?"

"No clue."

She giggled. "At least you're honest."

"Did Cas come in for another treatment?"

She nodded. "I went to him, actually. I had him mojo the sheets clean while you slept. Didn't figure you'd want..." she shivered. "Well, let's just say we need as few memories of what you saw as possible."

He swallowed hard. Now that it was over, seeing her lifeless, it...he couldn't think about it. Not now. He'd never done well with death. Killing was fine, but death was another thing entirely. Sam had died too many times on him. Charlie died and he had Zeke, or rather, Gadreel bring her back. Kevin died...Cas had died on him, too. And now Ryan? No. He couldn't do it. "No more dying, okay?"

She gave him a soft smile. "I'll do my best."

"Can we go home? Is Cas going to just come with us to finish your treatments?"

"I don't know. I guess we can ask him. It would be nice to get Jon into some clothes and a diaper..."

Dean glanced down at the baby. He was small, but apparently the demon in him was letting him do his thing even though he was almost two months early. "Is he okay? I mean, healthy?"

Ryan nodded. "Cas looked him over with a fine-tooth comb. He seems to be perfectly healthy."

"And the demon?"

She bit her lip. "It's definitely there. Cas is amazed. He didn't get to examine the only other cambion you know, and, too, he was more interested in smiting the kid than researching him. He wants to watch him and stuff, I suppose."

"Oh, well, that will be okay, won't it?"

She nodded and yawned, reminding him she needed more rest. It was almost Two A.M. "You need sleep."

She nodded. "I know."

"Go lay down, I'll go get Cas, okay?" She nodded again and he led her back to the bed. "That angel blood will make you sleepy."

She yawned once more. "I don't like feeling drugged. I haven't felt like this since high school."

That gave him pause. "Did you do a lot of drugs in high school?"

She shrugged. "I needed to numb the pain, at least for a little while."

"What did you do?"

She thought a moment. "I tried weed, but it only made me paranoid. My friend, well, I thought she was a friend. She was my dealer. She had me try some Ecstasy, which led to me breaking the mayor's son's arm...long story. But then she got me the coke."

He winced.

She nodded at his look. "Yeah, I went there. I just...I needed to stop the pain, just for a little while. I remember my first line...I was nervous. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. I was hellbent on killing myself, why not go out as some washed up druggie with an O.D.? So, I did a line. Then I did another. By the time I wound up in the hospital with these," she murmured as she held out both arms, "I was shooting up. I got dried out while I was in the nuthouse."

They were both silent for a moment. "You ever do drugs, Dean?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, I have."

"What kind?"

He shook his head at the memories. "I was fifteen and I met a guy, Don. He a senior in high school. He seemed like a cool guy. He invited me to a party. Seemed to think I was older than my years, you know? He saw me deck a guy and knock him out for picking on a freshman and he thought that shit was cool. So, I went to the party."

"And there were the drugs."

He nodded. "And there were the drugs. Dad had told me to never do them, that it screws with your motor skills, that you should always be alert, vigilant, but I was fifteen. I wanted...hell, I wanted to be normal for once. So, I took the joint from Don. I sucked that shit down, Ryan, I mean, I don't know if anyone has ever smoked a doobie that quick in their whole life. And the bliss...fuck, I was blissed out of my mind."

She smirked. "And then your dad found you."

"Holy hell, did he find me. Shit. He beat the absolute snot out of me. I couldn't go to school for a week, which was fine, because he up and moved us the next day. He didn't need me around that, he said. And I guess he was right..."

"And you've never done drugs sense?"

He snorted. "Please. In the past ten years I've died, been shot, been to Hell, Heaven, and Purgatory. I've lost my brother to the devil, got him back soulless, watched him die more often than I want to admit, and ganked my way back and forth across the lower 48. Damn right I've done drugs sense. The booze usually had company, you know?"

She nodded. "And now?"

"And now...hell, I don't need that shit, Ryan. I've got you and the kids. That's not saying I may not light up a joint if I happen to find one. I'm not perfect, and it relaxes me like nobody's business, but I am a grownup. I can't...I won't be that, not around the kids. I swear it. And now that I know your history with it, I won't even do that."

She grasped his hand. "I love you, Dean, so freaking much."

He smiled and bent to kiss her lips. "I love you, too." She yawned and he smiled. "Lemme find Cas. Maybe we can go home and he can continue the treatments there."

"Sounds good," she managed as her eyes closed.

He watched her fall asleep a moment and then went to the basket where Jon was sleeping. The boy really was beautiful. He couldn't imagine being this blessed a few months ago. But now he was. He had it. And he would never let it go.

He went to find Cas, and since the angel didn't mind going back to their house, Dean gathered up his woman and his kid and put them both in the Impala. "Think it'll be okay to drive without him being in a carseat?"

"He is part demon, Dean," Cas reminded him.

"Yeah, but still..."

"He'll be fine," Ryan murmured as she held the boy close. "It will be fine this once."

He wasn't so sure. The kid might have demon in him, but he looked pretty damned breakable. "Okay, well, sit in the backseat with him, okay? And hold him tight..."

Ryan smiled, but slid into the backseat. Cas rode shotgun. Dean swallowed hard as he cranked the car and began rolling down the dirt road. Since when did it have this many bumps? That wasn't good, was it? Would the kid get brain damage from the bumps on the road? He'd read horror stories about Shaken Baby Syndrome and...

"Dean? Sweetheart, you can speed up a little."

"I don't wanna hurt him. Shaken Baby is a real thing, Ryan!"

She giggled. "Dean, as long as you don't take the road and bumps at ninety, we should be fine. You're barely going ten. I'd like to get home before the sun comes up."

He glanced at her in the rearview mirror. "You sure?"

She smiled softly. "I promise, He's fine. You don't have to be this cautious."

"Yes. As a matter of fact, Gabriel warned me the boy might die, and if he does, he merely regenerates."

"WHAT?!" Dean managed not to slam on breaks, but he almost did.

Castiel blinked. "Yes. He will fall from a tree and die, but then a few hours later, he will wake. It is apparently the same with Jesse Turner, the other cambion. You must go and find him and bring him here, Gabriel told me to tell you."

"Jesse Turner? I haven't thought about him in years. Wonder how old he is?"

"He's probably around Krissy's age," Ryan provided.

"And we need to go get him?"

Cas nodded. "It is what Gabriel instructed. He said Ryan needs to go and take Jonathan with her. She needs to go without you or Sam."

"Like hell! He's part demon."

"News flash, babe, so is this little guy," Ryan reminded him.

Dean sighed. "It doesn't have to be today, does it?"

Castiel shook his head. "I believe it is within the next year or so. You will be fine for now."

"Good. Let's just...one thing at a damn time," Dean muttered. He was feeling overwhelmed enough as it was.

They made it out to the asphalt and from there, he sped up, cruising toward home. When they pulled in the drive, Sam was waiting for them, sitting on the step, nursing a beer. "Where is he?"

"I'm right here, Sam," Dean told him.

"Ass. I meant the baby."

"Right here," Ryan stated as she stood.

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "Uh...Ryan? You look..."

She smirked. "Pretty damn good, right? Come on, feed me some more compliments. I need them."

"Wow...you just...wow."

"Hey, don't go hittin' on my girl," Dean warned him, only half playing.

Sam blinked, his brows furrowed, but then he zeroed in on the baby. "Wow. He's so little..."

Ryan handed Sam the baby and he looked terrified, but Ryan seemed to ignore that as she said, "Cas seems to think the demon in him is helping him with that. He's two months early. He shouldn't be this developed, but since he's not exactly normal, he should be fine."

"Damn. Just...wow."

Ryan chortled. "That was kind of my thoughts." She yawned. "I'm hoping to get at least another hour's worth of sleep before he wakes up again."

"Where are we going to put him?" Dean wanted to know.

"He can sleep in the bedroom with us tonight, but then I want him in his crib. You'll have to assemble it tomorrow. Luckily we have diapers and stuff..."

"We do?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, we do. I've been buying stuff."

"You're awesome," he told her.

She smiled. "I know."

Sam chuckled and handed the baby back to Ryan. "Go in and get some sleep. See you in the morning."

She yawned again. "Thanks, Sammy." She turned to Castiel, who was still standing, quietly observing them. "Just come in and dose me, if you don't mind."

He nodded. "My pleasure."

She snorted at that. "Stabbing me with a vial full of angel blood? Yeah, you're probably getting pleasure from it, you freak."

Cas opened his mouth and Dean just shook his head. "She's messing with you, Cas."

Ryan winked at the angel before she walked into the house.

Sam turned to Dean. "Well, you've had a busy night. Need some booze?"

Dean shook his head. He wanted to, hell, he could drink a whole bottle of whiskey right now, but instead, he said, "Nah, I need sleep. Cas, tonight, you feel free to watch over us sleep if you want. My happy ass is going to be unconscious."

The angel smiled at that. "I would be glad to watch over you, Ryan, and your son, Dean."

Dean had a warm feeling in his chest he refused to get girly over so he just yawned and walked up the steps into the house.

He walked up the stairs and into their bedroom to see Ryan putting a diaper on the kid. She even had an outfit for him. "Where'd you find that?"

"I've had a lot of this stuff, Dean. I've been buying a little bit along."

"Where's he going to sleep?"

"Look in the guest room, I have a small bassinet. Bring it in here for tonight. I want to keep it downstairs, but for now, it will work in here."

Dean went and got what she wanted and set it up at the end of the bed. He watched her put Jon in it and he smiled. "Wow. It's just...it's surreal."

She nodded. "You know, I'm so happy you're here with me. I've never had anyone to share this with before."

He could have shot back how if she'd have told him, he would have been there, but he let that flair of anger die. It was pointless to keep beating a dead horse. So he just went to her and hugged her. "You did good tonight."

"You did good tonight," she replied.

"Okay, we both did."

She chuckled. "I'm so exhausted."

"Me too." He pulled her down onto the bed, threw the covers over them, and wrapped his arm around her waist.

He felt her sigh and she murmured, "I love you, Dean. Thank you for giving me Jonathan."

"Hey, we need to think of a middle name," he remembered.

"In the morning," she drawled sleepily.

He chuckled. "Night, babe," he whispered as he kissed her temple.

In only a moment, he, too, fell asleep.

* * *

"Me and Sam need to go get some ammo. You need anything from town?" Dean asked her the next morning. It was only eight in the morning, but he had something to do.

Ryan looked up from where she was nursing Jon in the living room. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks."

He paused. "You gonna be okay with the three kids?"

She smiled. "Yeah, babe, I'll be fine." She chortled. "Hope will be shocked when she finds out what we did last night."

Dean chuckled as his hand moved to Jon's head. He was still in shock, he thought. It was just unbelievable, it really was. The kid was only eight hours old but already he'd been fed four times and Dean could have sworn he looked bigger, healthier, already.

She put her hand over his on the baby's head. "Thank you. I'll see you in a little bit, okay?"

He didn't want to leave, but he had something he had to take care of. "Okay. Be back in a while. I'll bring back takeout for breakfast. Sound good?"

She nodded. "I'm starving. I may eat a full breakfast when he finishes and then eat when you get back."

Dean chuckled at that. "It's a side-effect of the angel blood." Cas had popped topside to Heaven for a bit, but he was coming back to continue Ryan's treatments. She would get hourly doses of angel blood for the rest of the day.

"Good to know. Well, hurry back with something good, okay?" Dean winked at her and walked outside.

Sam followed his brother out to the porch. "Dean...it's Saturday. Why the hell we need to go get ammo today of all days? Ryan just had the kid a few hours ago!"

"We don't need ammo." At Sam's confused look, Dean sighed. "Look, last night I swore I'd marry Ryan and I'm gonna stick by that."

Sam blinked. "In the eyes of Heaven..."

"Heaven can shove it. I'm talking about here. I want a ring on her finger, damn it, okay? It's girlie as all hell but that's what I want."

Sam just smiled.

"Shut your face, Samantha, or I won't let you come with me."

Sam's eyes widened. "You want me to help you pick out the ring?"

"It doesn't have to sound so feminine, Sam, but, yes, I want your opinion."

Sam blinked. "All crap aside, I'm honored, Dean."

"Good. Let's go."

"Uh...where?"

Dean thought about that as they walked to the car. Ryan wasn't that girlie, but he knew she'd like a ring. And though funds weren't something he had a lot of, he wanted to get her a special one. He had thought about it for while now, and figured she wouldn't be offended if a ring came from a pawn shop. He just had to make sure it wasn't some cheap looking piece of crap. But, he did want Sammy's opinion... "Think she'd think I was being cheap if we looked at the pawn shop?"

Sam considered that as he slid into the passenger seat. "Honestly? I think she's just going to be thrilled you're buying something special for her, just her. This...damn, Dean, this is serious."

Dean waited for the nerves to come. He'd been waiting, actually, but they hadn't. He was calm about the whole thing. He wondered if that meant it was good and he supposed it was. He was ready for this step. And now he did sound like a chick.

He rolled his eyes at his train of thought and gunned the engine, heading for town.

They went to three different pawn shops. None of the little Cracker Jack rings did much for him. But on the forth stop, with his frustration mounting, he found a sweet little old lady working behind the counter. She smiled at him myopically. "Hello, boy."

He smiled. "Ma'am."

"You're looking for a ring for your lady, aren't you?"

He blinked. "How'd you guess?"

She cackled. "I've seen my fair share of boys like you coming in for rings and such. I got just what you need." She motioned him over to a case on the right. She reached gnarled, arthritic hands into the glass case and pulled out a ring. "This is the one you want."

He looked at it. The diamond was small, but not obscenely so, set in a simple gold setting. But it was the shape of the diamond that caught his attention. It was shaped like a heart. He looked up from the ring in his hand to find her staring at him.

"You have trouble saying the words, but that don't make them untrue. You wear your feelings in your eyes but your heart...it stayed walled up for a long time, didn't it? Now, you've given it to her. You're waiting to be scared, but you aren't. Give her your heart and you'll never regret it."

He smiled. "I don't know how you know all of that, but it's perfect."

She nodded. "Of course it is, boy. That's what I done said."

Dean laughed and looked at the ring again. He could almost see it on Ryan's hand. It really was perfect. "Thank you," he told her.

She smiled and clamped her hand on his arm. "My Walter was the same as you. Hard, tough, but inside? He was all marshmallow." She winked. "Come on, let's find you a pretty box..."

He glanced at Sam, who was smiling the biggest Dean had ever seen. "Thanks," he told her. Looked like he had himself a ring. Now all he had to do was find a time to propose...

* * *

**November Seventh **

Dean let out a growl as he walked down the hallway, Jon on his shoulder. This...this was ridiculous! "Damn it, Ryan!" he growled.

She looked up from where she was stretching. She was covered in sweat, so, clearly she had finished her cardio. He was fairly certain she had been running on that damn treadmill. "What?"

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Exercising."

"I see that. But why?"

She blinked. "Uh...because it's healthy, and I won't be able to hunt with you until I'm back at the top of my game. Right?"

"Wrong. You had this kid a week ago and you need to rest, damn it!"

Her face softened as she walked over and touched Jon's face. "And he's perfect, yes you are," she cooed as she ran a finger over the baby's face. Dean blew out a breath. The kid was cute. He already looked older, more filled out, he had almost grown a half an inch and he'd gained a pound since his birth. Apparently that wasn't quite normal, but it was good enough. Cas gave him a full bill of health.

"Ryan..."

She stepped back and took a drink from her water bottle. "What, Dean? I'm fine. Cas gave me a clean bill of health, too. I'm demon-free and fully healed."

"Doesn't mean you should be doing this much. You couldn't even run a week ago!"

"The angel blood seems to be helping me. My endurance is building even better than I thought. It's amazing. I know the angel blood made you tired, but I feel...Dean, I feel invigorated. Like this noose hanging around my neck has been cut off. I'm free, babe. So...let me enjoy it."

He watched her walk down the hall toward the war room. "I'm all for letting you enjoy it," he told her as he jogged to catch up to her, "But you need to take it easy."

"Says you. Dean, trust me, I know my body. I've lived in it through a ton of changes. And this one is good. I promise not to overdo it."

"Ryan...all that blood you lost..."

She smirked. "Cas refilled me with angel blood. I'm good. I'm fan-damn-tastic, actually. I feel great. I just gotta get into fighting condition. Oh! Which reminds me..."

He was listening with half an ear as he put Jon in the little bouncy chair on one of the tables. He saw Sam smile at the baby and reach out to touch the boy's fine, downy hair. Dean turned back to Ryan expectantly. "Yeah?"

"I want you to start sparring with me."

Dean blinked. "Excuse me?"

She shrugged. "I've watched you and Sam spar. You may not run with Sam, but you work out, Dean. And part of your training is fighting each other. I want in."

"No."

"No...what?"

He shook his head. "In no way, shape, or form, am I going to fight you, Ryan."

"But...why?"

"Because, I..." He sucked in a breath as he remembered the bruise he'd left on her arm. "I hurt you once, Ryan. I can't...I can't do that again."

Her mouth opened and then closed as she set her jaw and blew out a breath. "Okay, first off, how many times have I asked you to forgive yourself for that shit? Second, I was pregnant with a demon kid. Pretty sure that accounts for my bruising. See?" she growled as she squeezed her own wrist as tight as she could. "No bruising now. I'm fine. I'm healed. And, Dean, I need this. I need to be able to fight."

"You've trained with Hope, with Tory, in the past. You can train with one of them again."

She sighed. "Of course, I'll train with Hope. She needs to keep up her skills. And I'll train with Tory when she's here. But, Dean, I need daily training. I want...I was the best, okay?! I was the best female hunter Bobby Singer ever saw and I want to be that again! And I can be, if you'll only help me!"

"I am NOT going to fight with you, Ryan!"

She let out a growl of frustration and turned to Sam. "You'll help me, won't you?"

Dean glared at him and Sam sighed. "You wanted Ryan, Dean. She's a hunter. If you won't train with her, to keep her safe, then I will have no choice but to step up."

"WHAT?!"

Sam shrugged. "I want to keep her safe, Dean."

"What the hell do you think I want?!" Dean shouted. "I want her safe, too!"

"By not training with me?" Ryan inquired. "How is that helping me?"

Dean let out a growl. "Damn it, that's not...it isn't the point."

"It's simple, really, you won't help her, I will." Sam turned to Ryan. "We start on Monday. Bring your A-Game, sis."

Ryan smiled. "Challenge accepted."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back the truck up here for a minute. You two can't just..."

Ryan shrugged. "It's done. I'm going to take a shower. See ya."

Dean watched her go a moment before he turned and glared at Sam. "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave this alone, little brother."

Sam crossed his arms defiantly. "You know what, Dean? I might be the little brother, but you've had your ass handed to you by me on more than one occasion." He stood and glared right back, leaning over the table to get in Dean's face. "You threaten me again, and I'll drop you like a bad habit."

"Stop! Stop it!" Ryan interjected as she dashed back into the room. Or maybe, in his anger, he hadn't seen her stop to listen in, either way, he was sure she'd heard the two of their voices growing louder. "Sam, thanks, but calm your ass down, and, Dean, you can't be mad at him for offering me what you choose not to provide!"

Dean felt it like a slap. "Excuse me?! What? I'm not enough for you now? Gotta have us both?"

She didn't slap him. She punched him in the face. He rubbed it as she began shouting. "You are such a fucking hypocrite! You can't have it both ways! I'm _not _the little woman, Dean, and if that's what you think you signed on for, you're mistaken. I am a _hunter, _Dean! And part of being a hunter is getting the crap kicked out of you by monsters. Well, guess what? I'd like to come back from a hunt in one piece, ergo, I need someone to train with."

He opened his mouth but she jammed her finger in his chest. "I need someone bigger than me, stronger than me, for me to work on taking them down. I'm not asking you to beat the daylights out of me ala Ike Turner over here, but I do need someone to spar with! You won't do it, damn right, I'll have Sam do it. He loves me enough to wanna keep me safe!" Her voice cracked on the last word.

Again, he tried to start talking, but she wouldn't listen to anything he would say anyway as she continued to bellow; "So, stow your crap, Winchester. You don't wanna spar with me, fine. I accept that. It'll be one thing we won't do together, which is a fucking shame, let me tell you, but that's okay. Maybe you don't trust me. Maybe you don't trust me enough to hunt with me. Maybe I need to hunt with Tory and you hunt with Sam. That's cool."

Damn infuriating woman! That wasn't where he was going with this at all! Why did she always have to take every fucking thing he said and twist it? Was that like her superpower or something? "Ryan, that's not what I..."

She shook her head. "No, you're right. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe we don't need to do that together. Maybe it'll be better for our relationship if we keep business and personal separate."

She wasn't even going to let him argue his side, was she? "But I don't wanna..."

She sighed. "Just...let it go, Dean. But don't threaten Sam. We've put him in the middle of an awkward situation. Don't make it worse."

He hadn't planned on putting Sam in the middle of anything, but Ryan had just jumped in with both feet, determined not to even give Dean a second to explain... "I wasn't going to..."

She smiled sadly. "You already did. Look, it's fine. No big deal. Really."

_Damn it, she's going to see my way, one way or the other. _"No. It is a big deal. And it is not okay, okay? I don't...I don't want him touching you." There. Admitting it was the first step, right?

Her eyebrows furrowed. "What did you just say?"

"I said, I don't want him touching you."

"You're going to be jealous, over this?!" she roared and the fight was back in her eyes, in her stance, as she clenched her fists at her sides.

His eyes narrowed. "Damn right I am! No man is touching what's mine! I'll kill the first bastard that does! You're mine, Ryan, and I don't want anyone's hands on you!" Why was the concept so complicated?

"Oh. My. God. Dean! Did you just hear yourself?! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you so fucked in the head you see me cheating on you at every turn?"

"You two have a history!"

"No, we don't! We never have!"

"You would have!"

"Here we go," she stated with an eyeroll. "For fuck's sake, Dean, what's it going to take for you to see I don't think about Sam that way?" She turned to Sam. "Sorry, bud, there's no UST over here."

Sam snorted. "Good. You're not my type."

"See?! Even Sam admits it!"

"Well, it didn't stop him from falling in love with you before!" Dean shouted. He knew. He'd seen enough in those flashes of Gabriel's memories...Sam had loved Ryan more than just the brotherly love he felt for her now. And Dean didn't know what the catalyst was for that, but he would be damned if he would let that happen right under his nose.

She rubbed her temples. "You can not hate him or me for something that DIDN'T happen in a timeline that WON'T come true! Hell, Dean, that's like me hating you because you became a demon and screwed every demon chick under the sun before you found me again. It's pointless! I'm not going to give up the best things in my life to have an affair with SAM. Geez..."

Dean wondered how in the hell they'd managed to argue over this. He was almost at the point of apologizing for taking it too far, when Ryan stated in a low, threatening voice, "Just remember, Sam may be your brother by blood, but he's mine by choice. I look after him and love him, too, okay? So you threaten him, I threaten you right back."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Seriously? You're going there?"

Her jaw set and she nodded. "Damn skippy I'm going there. And if I see you start wailing on him for this, I'm going to go in there, grab my Sig from it's holster, and wing you."

Dean took a step toward her. "Did you just threaten to SHOOT me?"

"Oh, like you just threatened me by saying you'll hurt your own BROTHER if he touches me? Damn straight I did, sugar. Turnabout's fair play, you arrogant dick. I may be your...whatever the hell I am to you, babe, but you are NOT the boss of me, Dean. I've been a hunter almost as long as you have and I'd be willing to bet I'm a hell of a lot safer out on the job than you are, risking your neck at every turn. You think it doesn't cut me every time I think about you getting hurt out there? It does! God...when you came back wounded from that werewolf hunt..." She sucked in a breath then shook her head. "Nope. Not doing this. Peace out, bitches. I'm going to take a shower, calm the fuck down. Think about this, asshat. Think long and hard about exactly what you want from me. Because I ain't any different than I've ever been. Maybe that's the problem. But you aren't either. And maybe that's the problem. Either way? We got shit to figure out about this whole hunting and training situation." And with that, she turned and stormed down the hallway. He heard the door to the locker room slam shut and he winced.

"Congratulations, Dean, you just earned your John Winchester Badge," Sam muttered as he stood and walked up the steps and out the door.

Dean just stood there, breathing hard. How in the hell did it all get so out of control so quickly?

* * *

**Ryan POV **

_The nerve of him! How dare he think he can control my every fucking move! Doesn't he realize, I did fine on my own without him? I don't need him, I can just... _but even as she thought it, she knew it wasn't true. This...this was hard, this whole relationship thing. They were both so fucking stubborn and pigheaded and neither one liked to compromise. She propped up against the wall in the locker room and sighed as she slid to the floor. "Fuck," she growled as she put her head in her hands.

She didn't know how long she sat there. She hadn't changed clothes, hadn't done anything other than sit here, beating her head on the tile wall. She sucked in and blew out another breath. "Cas? Castiel? Are you available? I just...I need someone to talk to."

She waited a beat, and when no wings appeared, she sighed again. She was pretty sure he had removed the marks on her ribs while she was unconscious after having Jon as a precaution so he could find her if he needed too. Or maybe he'd added his name along with Gabriel's to her ribs, she wasn't sure, but she thought he'd be able to find his way to her. Maybe not. She knew, too, he was probably busy. Heaven had their own shit to fix.

But then she heard the gentle flap of wings and he was standing before her. "Yes?"

She smiled sadly. "Hey."

He looked at her with squinted eyes and a head cocked to the side. "You're sad. Why?"

"Dean and I keep butting heads."

At that, Cas smiled. "I can not begin to imagine why."

Her mouth fell open before she smiled. She couldn't help it. "Cas, you sarcastic little shit. Clearly you've been spending too much time with The Winchesters at large."

He chuckled flatly and sat on the bench in front of her. "What are you two arguing about?"

"I want to train. I wanted him to help me."

"And Dean does not wish to hurt you..."

She sighed anew and looked away from him to stare at the wall to her left. "You understand him so well."

"As do you. Surely you can see his side of the argument. He would never forgive himself for hurting you. Truly, he still hurts for bruising your wrist."

Part of her was surprised he'd talked to Cas about it, though, maybe he didn't, and Cas could just sense it about Dean. She knew they had a deep bond because of Cas's connection to him, so, maybe he could just see the guilt Dean carried. He carried too damn much of it already. "He needs to let that go."

"You know Dean. He will not let it go."

She let out a little snort. "No, he won't, will he?" She sighed. "What am I going to do?"

"Be patient and understanding, Ryan. You would be patient with Gabriel or Hope or Jonathan, would you not?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I would."

"He is not so different. In many ways, he's like a child. He doesn't know how to do this no more than you do. He is finding his path, as are you. Find it together instead of at odds."

She swallowed hard. "You trying to say I overreacted?"

He didn't answer that. Instead, he came back with, "You gave birth a week ago. You died. I have healed you of the physical aspects of both. But you are still...what is the terminology? Postpartum?"

"Are you insinuating I'm an overly hormonal woman?"

"Yes. I thought I just said that."

If anyone else had tried to tell her she was a being a hysterical, overreacting bitch, she'd deck them. But Cas, he meant it literally and without meaning to be hurtful. He was merely stating the truth. "You're right. I overreacted, but he did, too."

"And you are both very dramatic."

At that, she snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."

"That is one expression I fail to understand."

She just smiled. "Don't worry about it." She stood. "I guess I need to shower and then go talk to Dean."

Cas nodded. "It would be in your best interest, yes."

She walked over to the angel and hugged him. "Thanks, Cas, really."

"It is my pleasure, Ryan."

He didn't poof out of sight, instead, he walked out the door, leaving her alone. She took a shower, put on the minimum of makeup, dressed, and went to find Dean.

She found him back in the training room, attacking the punching bag for all he was worth. He had stripped out of his boots and outer shirt, so he was in just his jeans and a tee shirt that hugged every sexy muscle on his upper torso. Her mouth went dry as she watched him. How on earth had she wound up with this glorious creature? He was hers. She needed to try and stop fighting with him over every damn thing in the history of ever. Sometimes she swore if he told her the sky was blue, she'd fight him until he saw it was red. It was madness, it really was.

He stopped, as if sensing her there and turned to the doorway where she was propped, watching him. "Tell me what to do. How do I have this," he motioned between the two of them, "and still be me? I was raised to protect the people I love and die fighting when I think I'm right. What am I supposed to do here?"

She sighed out a breath as she walked toward him. "Look, Dean, we're all learning here, okay? I mean, I didn't, for one minute, think this relationship was going to be all rainbows and lollypops, alright? But you have got to trust me. I'm not just some random girl." She bit her lip. She hated to go there, but she added, "I'm not her."

His eyes flashed. "Who?"

She shrugged as she shook her head. "Pick one. I'm not Cassie. I'm not Lisa. I won't...I'm not going to dangle this in your face and then back away when I get spooked. I've lived this life for almost half of mine and lived in terror and depression for ten years before that. I'm not walking away. You can't make me. You push, I push harder. I'm not leaving, Winchester. You're stuck with me. No turning back, no bowing out."

"Don't get me wrong, Ryan, I agree, one hundred percent, okay? You're stuck with me, too. I'm holding onto my family for dear life. I just...I just don't want you to end up hating me for it. And if there's even the smallest chance that I'm channeling my dad here, I'm terrified, okay? I don't want to be him. And...as it is now, it's a pretty safe bet, that's where I'm heading. I don't know if it's a soul mate thing or what, but I love you so much it scares the shit out of me. I think of how obsessive my dad was when Mom died and I just...I don't want to be him, but I don't see how I couldn't be."

She shook her head sadly. "Don't you get it? Why do you think Sam and I are busting your balls about this, huh? We don't want you turning into your daddy anymore than you do."

Sam chose that moment to walk in and Ryan wondered if he had been standing out in the hall, waiting to say his peace. "Dean, I know I'm the one who made the comparison, but you have to know that you're already so much further in front of the game than Dad was. You recognize it and it _bothers_ you, which means you can change. Actually, you never acted like dad until you had a woman and kids to look after. It's new territory and it'll take time. Just don't take every damn thing that people say and do as a personal attack, okay? We're all for you, man." Sam smiled. "And even if I'm not for you because you're being an enormous douchenozzle at the moment, I'm still for your family. After all, they're my family, too."

Dean just looked at him. "I'll remember that, asshole, when you've got a woman and kids of your own."

Sam smiled. "I can't wait to be as miserable as you. But for now..."

"For now, you're still a virgin."

Sam opened his mouth, shut it, then grinned. "I'm waiting for the right girl to deflower me."

Ryan burst out in laughter. She couldn't help it. Both men joined her. "We're going to figure this out, guys, all of us," she promised. "But it ain't gonna be easy."

Dean shrugged. "We're Winchesters. Nothing's easy."

"But we power through," Sam added. He looked from Dean to Ryan. "So...what's going to happen on Monday?"

Ryan bit her lip and looked at Dean.

"I don't want to hurt you, Ryan. I did before."

"You were angry before. And drunk. And I was bruising easily, anyway. It won't be like that now. I don't want you to hold back. You make me a better fighter, it means I come back to you. It's that easy."

"I don't know if I can hit you."

"You won't be hitting me in anger, Dean. That's the difference." She grinned. "Although, it will help, fighting like that. It may help our arguments be less...explosive. And, you know, endorphins..."

Dean smirked. "Will you fight in those sexy little shorts of yours?"

She smirked right back at him. "It depends. Will you fight without a shirt on?"

He held out a hand. "I'm in if you're in."

She accepted it and they shook on it. "I'm all in. For the long haul."

Dean didn't let go of her hand. As a matter of fact, he was staring at her like he was looking into her soul. "Sam, get out."

She heard Sam chuckle and the door shut, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Dean.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh, shit. I...I'm sorry about earlier."

Her face softened. "Dean, I get it, okay? I just...I get so fucking mad at you I just want to scream and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it and I just..." she shook her head and blew out a breath before she gave him a glum smile. "As I said, we're both works in progress."

He smiled. "I like that. We're both working toward one another. That's cool. We'll get there. Eventually."

She nodded and still, he didn't let her hand go. Her brows quirked. "Dean?"

He swallowed hard and she found herself fascinated with the way his Adam's apple bobbed in his neck. "So...I...uh..."

Her brows furrowed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just...let me...give me a second, alright?"

She nodded slightly and watched, concern etched in her features as he struggled to find what he wanted to say. Finally, he took a breath. "Okay, so, this may be bad timing, or maybe it's the best timing? I don't know. I had wanted to do something better than this, but this just seems to work and I just can't wait any longer and I just..." He grasped her hand tightly as he pulled something out of his pocket and got down on one knee.

She gasped. _No, he's not...is he? _

"Ryan Fawcett, I know we've done everything under the damn sun half-assed and backwards, but this is one thing I wanna do right. I love you. You drive me crazy half the time, well, maybe two-thirds of the time...okay, three-fourths of the time..."

She giggled.

"...But none of that matters because I know I can't live without ya. I need you every damn day. Will you marry me?"

He slipped the ring on her finger. It was a small diamond in the shape of a heart. "It's a heart," she stated dumbly.

He nodded. "It's my heart. Would you keep it? Forever?"

She took a stuttering breath. "Dean..."

"I need you, Ryan. You need me. We just need to take this leap of faith, together. Say you'll be mine? Will you become Mrs. Dean Winchester?"

She bit her lip as she looked from the ring to him. He had tears in those beautiful green eyes. "You do know," she managed through tears of her own, "In the eyes of Heaven, we're already married, right?"

He sighed. "Look, I've screwed up enough in my life to know when I want to make something right, when I need to make something right. So, I'm putting myself out on a limb here, Ryan. Say yes, please? And end my misery?"

"Marrying me is only going to make your misery worse, not better."

"You're worth it."

She put his chin between her thumb and forefinger. "It took three angels, vampire blood, time travel, a Cupid, warning off a reaper, two demon blood cures, and the Mark of Cain to get us to this point in our lives. Of course I'll say yes."

His eyes widened a moment before he let out a whoop and jumped to his feet, picked her up, spun her around and in that moment, as his head dipped down to hers for a kiss, she felt like a Disney princess.

* * *

**AN2: See? There's gonna be all kinds of fireworks between those two. Oh well. Such is life. Hope you enjoyed this installment! See you all next Friday! **

**Love, Mischief**


	42. Sugar

**Disclaimer: Nope. I still don't own it. But I sure as hell wish I did. I'm dying to get my hands on season 11 and I would kill to be a writer for this show!**

**AN: Hi all! So sorry I haven't posted before now! It's Girl Scout camp starting tomorrow so I'll have to be gone ALLLLLLL day long with the little monsters (including two of my own) so that means little to no writing this week. THEN we have vacation for TWO weeks! So this MAY be the last chapter for a week or so. It depends on how much writing I get done at night. **

**My bestie, Gina and I have a new story we are writing called "The Sexcapades of Squirrel" and I'm hoping to post the first one this week. I'm almost finished writing it and once she proofreads it, I'll post it. She's got the next two chapters, then it bounces back to me. They will be one-shots, which will usually feature a female OC but we may do some reader-inserts as well. So, follow my author page so you get the updates! **

**Hope you enjoy this next chapter and I'm glad you guys love how the story is changing. **

* * *

**Ryan POV **

**November Twenty Seventh **

Ryan yawned as she walked down the stairs. Jon had a touch of colic lately, nothing to worry about, however, that meant he wasn't sleeping as well as he should, which was why she was up nursing him every two hours. Oh well, she needed to check on the turkey anyway. Today was Thanksgiving. She was excited. She and Hope didn't usually do much, but now that the Winchesters were one big, happy family, plus Jody, Annie, and Bo were coming down, it promised to be a long, tiring, fun day.

She made it to the bottom of the stairs and walked to the door of the kitchen to find a faint glow of the light over the stove. "Sam?" she asked softly.

He looked up. He'd been sitting with his head down, musing over a glass of amber liquid. "Hey, Ryan. Why are you up?"

She smiled softly as she walked to him. "Your nephew decided he needed a midnight snack."

"It's three AM."

She shrugged. "When he's hungry, he's hungry."

"Sounds like someone else we know."

At that, she smiled. "Yeah, well, he's his father's. Get him some clean clothes, a tit in his mouth, and a full belly, and he's good to go until morning."

Sam chuckled at that.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. He looked tired, but obviously wasn't tired enough to go to bed. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just...couldn't sleep."

She nodded and walked to the fridge for a bottle of water. She wanted a beer, but with Jon waking up every two hours...well, she didn't need alcohol in her system. Although...maybe a shot of whiskey in her milk would calm his happy little ass down. It was food for thought.

She walked back over to Sam and plopped down next to him. She twisted the cap off the water, drank down about a quarter of it, then eyed him over the bottle. "Okay, now that you're done bullshitting me, care to tell me what's wrong?"

He gave her that sweet, sad, self depreciating smile he was good at and shrugged. "I'm just...sitting having a pity party."

She leaned back and put her feet up on the chair, tucking her arms around her legs. "Okay, well, I'm good at those. Can I join you?"

He sighed. "You just...you have it all, you and Dean. Gabriel said I would, too. He showed me." He huffed out a breath. "I guess I'm just impatient and feeling like the third wheel here."

She thought about Andy. She had to tell him her suspicions. But something told her now wasn't the time. So, she moved, leaning forward to grab his arm gently. "Look, it'll happen. I believe that. Just...not yet, I guess."

He nodded. "I know. That's not really what's..." He shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind." He moved to stand and she clenched his arm tighter.

"Sam. Sit."

He just looked at her.

"Please?"

He sighed again and sat back down. "What?"

She blew out a breath. She'd been keeping up with Sam. And while Dean had been getting happier and happier, Sam had seemed to almost be slipping away. The two were so tragically codependent on each other, and now that Dean had latched onto her, for lack of a better word, Sam was suffering. This thing with the boys, it wasn't healthy. Not that she was the poster child for mental health, but she knew she had to work harder on helping them both find a balance. "Did you..." she bit her lip. Maybe the way to get him to open up was for her to open up. "Did you ever know what really happened to me, that night, in North Carolina?"

He sucked in a breath. "I, uh...I've got a pretty good idea."

She nodded and looked down at the table. "So you know how bad that could mess me up, yeah?"

He was quiet a moment before he answered. "I think so."

She sniffed, refusing tears. That shit happened a long ass time ago. And while she knew she would never fully 'get over it' she still had to move on from it. And she had. But sometimes, it cropped up and messed with her head. She looked him in the eye. "Yeah, well, it still messes with me occasionally, you know? So...I mean...I'm clinically depressed, Sam, have been, most of my life. And even though I've got so much to be happy for...occasionally, I forget that. I feel lost, hopeless..." she licked her lips. "I just...I want you to know, I'm here for you, if, uh, if you ever feel like that, too."

"No offense, but what do you know about it?"

She didn't let it hurt her feelings. She knew something was bothering him, so she just nodded. "You're right. I don't know anything about your suffering. I mean, I've read the gospels, I've read Chuck's books...but I don't know what that's like, suffering as you have. However, I've been through hell on earth, Sam, so I'm probably the one that might understand the best. Dean went to Hell. He was tortured until he became a monster in his eyes. Now, I'm not saying Alistair didn't fuck him up, because, I'm sure that demon would have done whatever it took to break Dean. Whatever it took. And maybe he..." she shook her head at that train of thought. She wasn't helping Dean right now, she was helping Sam. "But you...you were tortured _by _a monster. There's a difference there, I think." Was it wrong she almost hoped there was? If Dean had been brutalized the way she suspected Sam had been, well, she wasn't sure she could handle it, to realize...no, she would have to deal with those emotions at a later date. Although, if he had been, it would make Sam feel better to realize it. Oh, the joys of being fodder for monsters...

"You think?" he whispered in a soft, almost child-like voice.

She bit the inside of her cheek as she felt a tear slip down her face and she held onto his arm for all she was worth. "I think I have an inkling of what you might have gone through, down there. If...if you were..." she gasped in a breath. "If you were used, half the way I was..." she licked her lips again and cleared her throat. "Then, yeah, I have a feeling I know." She sighed out a breath and snagged the whiskey from him, downing it. If the kid woke up, she could fix him a bottle. She needed the booze to numb the pain. "I told Dean about it, but even what I told him...it wasn't everything. He can't...unless he's experienced it, he can't know what it's like. You do. Don't you?"

Sam shuddered violently. "Ryan..."

"Sam, I know you still have a lot of those memories. Cas took some of them from you, the crippling, mind numbing, curl up into the fetal position and don't dare to move, portion of them, but the rest...you had to own those, right? They're yours, aren't they?"

He started shaking his head. "Ryan..." he seemed to be warning her.

"I'm not leaving you, either, Sam. You and Dean, the kids, you're my family. And I'll do whatever it takes to help my family. I love you, brother bear."

He began to sob and she scooted her chair over, grasped him and pulled him to her as he cried. She rubbed his hair and soothed him as one would a child. She didn't know how long they sat like that before finally, he moved just slightly, away from her. She gave him a soft smile. "It's not easy, Sam, but I know it gets better. Some days are just hard, man, but the others..." She bit her lip again. This...this would help him, wouldn't it? "Wanna know a secret?"

He chuckled and wiped his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

"Gabriel told me who she is."

His eyes widened. "My...?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but it's not...it isn't time, okay?"

"It's not Allard, is it?"

She laughed throatily though she was still crying as well. "No, I swear on all that's holy, unholy, and everything in between, it ain't her."

He blew out a breath. "Good. I can't handle that bucket full of crazy on top of my truckload."

She smiled. Her voice was still full of tears as she said, "You're fine, Sam. This...anytime you need me, for this? I'm your girl, okay?"

He eyed her a moment. "You're the best sister a guy could ask for. You know that?"

She shrugged and her smile grew. "It's a gift."

He chuckled and pulled her to him for a hug. "Thank you, Ryan, really."

She nodded as she pulled away. "Just...promise me, if you need to talk, don't...don't let it get this bad, okay? I still don't know everything and you don't want to tell me. That's fine. I don't...I don't want to open up about that stuff, either, okay? But I just...I'm here for you, not just for Dean. Remember that, alright?"

He nodded. "I promise."

She stood and snagged the glass away to sit it in the sink. "And no more late night booze. I won't have my baby brother become an alcoholic. For God's sake, we could all stand to be a bit healthier. Booze is fine, but when you use it as a crutch..."

He held up a hand. "Yes, ma'am. I understand."

"Good." She smiled and walked back to him as he stood. She wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head on his chest. "I love you, bro."

She felt his lips on her hair. "Yeah, I love you, too, sis."

"Good. Now go to bed. You know I rule this roost."

He gave her a mock salute, which she glared at him for with a half smile and watched him walk out of the room and toward the basement. The smile slid off her face as she huffed out a breath. She knew she could have helped him so much more than she did, but hopefully, him just knowing she was there for him would make the difference.

She clicked the light off and walked back upstairs. She slipped into bed and felt Dean move over to wrap her in his arms. "Thank you," he murmured into her ear.

"For what?" she inquired.

"I came downstairs to find you when you didn't come back from checking on Jon. I, uh, I overheard part of your conversation with Sam. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to listen in, it's just...he's never opened up about that stuff before."

"And you have?" she asked, not angrily, just with curiosity.

"No," he answered softly. "No, I haven't."

"You two need to work on your communication skills, babe."

"We don't talk about stuff like that."

She sighed and stared at the wall. "I know you don't, but maybe you should."

"I'll...I don't like talking about my time down there, neither does Sammy."

"Sometimes, not liking it doesn't do anything but put a band-aid on it. Occasionally you need to do exploratory surgery, figure out what's going on in there."

Even in the dark, and being turned away from him, she knew he was pulling a face. "I don't..." She felt him shake his head. "You're right. I'll see what I can do. But I won't...I can't..."

She squeezed the arm that had wrapped itself around her waist. "I'm not saying you have to, babe, I was just offering a suggestion. If you and he can't talk about this stuff to each other, I don't mind being the one you come to. When I signed on for you, I knew I got Sam as part of the package deal. I wouldn't have it any other way."

He turned her so she was facing him, and in the glow of the security light from outside coming in the window, she saw his face as he looked at her. "How did you become so awesome, Ryan?"

She shook her head. "I'm not awesome. I'm just...I'm what you and Sam need. I told you I don't mind being there for both of you. I mean it. I'm nurturing by nature. It's one of my gifts. And I'll nurture the hell out of both of you, Dean. I promise."

He hugged her tightly. "We're lucky to have you."

"Yeah?" she whispered through thick tears. "Well, I'm pretty damned lucky to have you, too."

* * *

**December Tenth **

Ryan worriedly walked behind Dean as he and Sam hurried to the Impala. "Are you sure you guys will be okay? She didn't give much information..."

Dean stopped and grabbed her shoulders. "Ryan, it'll be fine. Are you sure you're okay with us bringing her back here? She had friends, and..."

Ryan bit her lip. When Krissy Chambers called twenty minutes ago, terrified out of her mind, Dean had jumped up to go save her, Sam hot on his heels. She had been hunting with two other teens, but from the sound of things, it didn't seem like they'd be bringing back but one survivor. So she put on a smile. "If there's more, bring them. We bought that big old house for a reason, Dean."

He smirked. "Winchester's Home for Wayward Teen Hunters?"

She nodded. "Looks like Krissy's our first customer."

"She's tough. She may not like living with us..."

"Or we may be the best thing that happened to that girl. Go get her and bring her home, Dean."

He pulled her to him and kissed her soundly. "God, I love you."

"I love you, too. Now hurry but be safe!" she told him as they broke apart. He placed a quick kiss on Jon's head and Ryan shifted him to her other hip.

"Tell the kids I love 'em. I hope we'll be back tomorrow at the latest."

She just nodded. "Be careful. Ghouls..." she shivered. Dean had managed to calm the girl down as he was gathering gear, talking to her, asking about the hunt, keeping it clinical so she had to think instead of panic. They'd been hunting ghouls. Ryan didn't like dealing with those foul creatures. They were cannibals and could take the form of another person and that just kind of freaked her out. Not that she hadn't taken care of her fair share of them, but still.

"I will," he said as he slid behind the wheel.

She watched them drive away and sighed. "Looks like it's just us, Jonny-Cake."

The boy made a noise and she smiled. He was already starting to "talk" to them some. He was actually quite advanced for his age. It would worry her if it wasn't for the fact she'd had two other gifted children. "Come on. Let's go. I'm not going to get anything else done here." She would just take him home. It was almost time to go get Bobby anyway. She would just wait in the parking lot. It was almost time for Jon to take his morning nap and he rested just as well in his carseat as he did his pack and play.

She got to the school about thirty minutes early, so she snagged her phone and made the call she had been dreading. She dialed the number and though she expected it to go to voicemail, Andy picked up. "Well, if it isn't the prodigal son."

Ryan grinned. "I'm not the one that went running off to Peru."

"Pishtacos, chick! Where are we going to hunt one of those in America?"

"The boys found one in Stillwater, Minnesota last year."

"Son of a bitch. They always find the best kills!"

Ryan smiled at that. "Come back home, you could go hunting with them..."

"Uh, no. They wouldn't welcome me with open arms, now would they?"

Ryan twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "Give them a little time to get used to you, Andy."

"I look like her."

"But that was just her shell. You're nothing like her."

"From what I've found out, oddly enough, I _am _like her."

"Well, so what? You're not a demon. There are tests for that, you know."

"I'm just not..."

"Dean and I are getting married," Ryan blurted out.

"What? Whoa. Congrats."

"Thanks. I, uh, I want you there, Andrea. You're one of my best friends."

"Ryan, you can't ask me to..."

"I just did."

Andy sighed. "Ryan, look, I know I said I'd meet them, and I will, but what if things don't go well? I don't want to ruin your special day."

"I want you here for it. Fuck them if they can't handle you being there, Andy. You and Tory and Jody are the only friends I have."

"Well, in Dean's defense, most of their friends end up dead, so, they don't have a lot, either."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Funny, Blackwell."

"What? It's true and you know it."

Ryan sighed. "Will you come?"

"When is it?"

"We don't have a date yet."

"I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask."

"I gotta go. My next class is here. Love ya, Ryan, and I'm really glad he makes you happy."

"I love you, too, Andy. Take care. I hope to see you soon."

"Email me the date. We'll see what I can do."

Ryan hit the 'end' button and put her head back against the headrest. Life was so fucking complicated.

She went through the motions the rest of the day, getting Bobby, going home, going back out for Hope, explaining why it was just the four of them, then, finally, getting the boys to bed. Bobby had started reciting the stories so she sat back and made the faces and occasionally chimed in when he forgot a part of the story. And he loved for Hope to sing the silly songs and do dances. Jon wasn't old enough to be interested, and the two boys bunked together, but Jon slept like the dead. All her kids did.

She looked at Hope as they walked out of the room. "Okay, so, here's the deal. The girl Dad and Sam are going after? Krissy? She's a teenager, too. She's more than likely hurt, but she's going to come and stay here for a while."

"Can I heal her?"

"Do you think you can? I don't know how hurt she is."

Hope nodded. "I can at least make it better."

Ryan appraised the girl. She'd just turned eleven the month before, but it was painfully obvious her angel grace was still growing, as was she. It seemed as though she aged a little bit each day, getting older looking, more beautiful, almost with every breath. Ryan smiled at her daughter. "Thank you. I love you, sweetie. Your compassion is one of your best assets, you know?"

Hope smiled. "Anything I can do to help."

"Okay. Let's go make the guest bed up for her. She may be here a while."

"I get a sister? Cool."

Ryan chuckled under her breath and checked her phone again. Dean had been giving her progress reports via text for the past few hours, since they'd arrived to help the girl. Both Krissy's friends were dead, all the ghouls were killed, and they had waited for the sun to go down. They were going to build a funeral pyre for Krissy's friends, then bring the girl home with them. She had a stab wound, a twisted ankle, a couple of broken ribs, and looked like she'd gotten the snot beat out of her, (Dean's words) and would need some healing.

What he didn't say, but Ryan could tell by the tone of his texts, was he was feeling guilty for letting her hunt with her two friends in the first place. She knew Dean's M.O. And that would be something he'd have to learn to work through himself. She couldn't help him there.

"Okay," she told Hope as she walked back downstairs. "Go ahead and let's chill and doze on the sofa. When they get here, you can help heal her a bit. I'll make sure you can arrive late to classes in the morning. You've got homeroom first, right?"

The girl nodded. "Thanks, Mama, for trusting me."

Ryan hugged her. "Thank you for being who you are, baby. We need all the help we can get."

* * *

Ryan was immersed in a book and Hope was snoring lightly when she saw headlights flash and heard the rumble of the Impala pull into the drive. She touched Hope's shoulder and the girl was awake in an instant. "Come on. They're back."

They walked out onto the porch and shivered lightly in the cold air as Dean and Sam both stood from the car. She saw the back door open and Krissy stood up. She was young, definitely, but with an air of competence, wariness, about her. She was short, shorter than Hope, actually, but she was a beautiful girl. Ryan smiled as Dean helped her up the porch steps and Sam brought her bag.

"You two didn't have to wait up," Dean told them.

Ryan shrugged. "Figured we'd need an angel on hand, just in case."

Dean looked at Hope and smiled. "You planning on working some magic tonight, kid?"

Hope smirked and nodded. "Oh yeah. I've got homeroom first period. I can be a little late. Mom made up a lie for me. We already emailed my teacher."

"Good deal." He helped Krissy to an arm chair and said, "Kris, this is Ryan, and our daughter, Hope. Hope's an angel."

Krissy snorted. "I'm so glad you're proud of her and her gift of sweetness."

Dean opened his mouth, but Hope just rolled her eyes and touched Krissy's ankle. Krissy's eyes widened as the swelling lessened immediately and the purple bruising began to fade. "I'm literally an angel."

"How?"

Hope shrugged. "Some hoo-doo, a promise to an archangel, and a chance at a new life, for starters. From there, it gets a little sketchy. Just go with it."

"How old are you?"

"Eleven."

The two eyed one another. Hope grinned. "Okay, well, this body is eleven. I'm millenia older than that."

"How does it work?"

Hope shrugged again as she moved her hand to Krissy's side and healed her ribs. "I have all my memories from before, but it's like I read them, or dreamed them. They're real, but they don't feel real. I know things I shouldn't, and am learning things I didn't know the first time around."

"Were you human before?"

"I was a pagan god the first time around."

"Who?"

"Dionysus."

"Dionysus was a dude."

"So?" Hope scoffed as she stood to touch Krissy's face. "I'm gender-fluid. All angels are. We don't have to be girls or boys. I've been both, and thus far, I like the female form better."

"Wow. That's fascinating."

Hope nodded. "It has its moments. Do you want something to eat?"

"I...no, I kinda want to go to bed. Could we talk a little bit more? I wanna know more about angels."

Hope smiled. "Sure." She turned to Ryan. "Mom, I'm going to take her upstairs, okay?"

Ryan, who had been standing with Dean and Sam, watching the entire exchange, just nodded. "Okay, sure."

Hope snagged Krissy's bag from Sam and motioned her toward the stairs. "So, I'll show you to your room. Once you get situated, you should plan on finishing high school with me."

"Ugh. Why?"

"Because, I can tell you're smart. You need to be more than street smart to be a decent hunter. You know any other languages?"

"I took Spanish I a few years ago..."

A look of distaste passed over Hope's face before she started to ascend the steps backward, talking to Kris as she did so. The other girl followed almost blindly. "Oh, no, you need Greek, or Latin...I'll teach you one at least, but you'd be better off if you knew both of them. I know how to speak and read Old Norse, since Loki was a Norse god. I was, of course, a Greek one, but that's okay, we still managed to be friends."

"Loki...like The Avengers, Loki?"

Hope laughed. "No, Loki like the real Loki, the archangel, Gabriel. He's also my brother."

"Man, you've got a weird family. And you're a Winchester?"

"Yeah. Dean's my dad. It's awesome. He's terrific. But my mom? Dude, she's epic. You'll learn a lot from being around a girl hunter. She's bad to the bone..." That was the last they heard as the guest room door closed.

Ryan blinked and turned to the two men who were standing there, dumbfounded. "Well, and there you have Hope's innate ability to make new friends."

Sam recovered first and smiled. "Well, I guess I'll go to bed. Looks like we definitely have a new family member."

Ryan nodded. "See you in the morning, Sam." She turned to Dean and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you," she whispered against his chest. "Thank you for bringing her home."

She felt Dean's arms close around her. "Did...did we just adopt her?"

Ryan chuckled. "Well, it doesn't matter if we did or not, Hope certainly has."

She pulled away to find Dean smiling. "Good. I'm glad."

* * *

**December Twenty-Fifth **

Ryan smirked as she propped up against the kitchen door frame. Dean had been bouncing around like, well, like a kid on Christmas morning for about three hours now. She hated to disappoint him, but her kids weren't morning people. They wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn for Christmas presents. He had gotten up when she did to nurse Jon and he hadn't gone back to sleep, though she'd tried to talk him into it. Instead, after their "Merry Christmas" loving, she had dozed back off for a little while and apparently he had stayed up.

She had been awakened to the smell of bacon cooking prompting her to get halfway dressed, wearing a pair of pajama pants and his thermal Henley and a thick pair of socks before she walked downstairs. Dean was singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" at the top of his lungs along with the radio. She caught Sam's eye and they smiled as "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" started.

"You know," she spoke up, "Maybe we should check into that case."

"What case?" Dean asked as he turned, tongs in hand from flipping the bacon.

She walked into the room. "Well, Grandma has been run over by a reindeer every Christmas since like, 1979. Frankly, I'm beginning to believe it isn't an accident. I'm starting to sense a pattern here."

Dean's mouth fell open before he gave her a wicked grin. "Are you saying you wanna gank Santa?"

She shrugged. "It bears checking into, don't you think?"

He grabbed her and pulled her to him for a kiss. He smelled like coffee, bacon, and Dean. Delicious. "Good morning," he stated breathily when they finally broke apart.

"Good morning." She pulled away and walked over to hug Sam from behind. "And good morning to you, big little brother."

He smiled again as he sipped his coffee. "Morning, Ryan. So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Toys. Lots of toys."

"You show Krissy what's on your ankle yet?" Dean asked her.

Ryan shook her head. Krissy had fit into their family very quickly. Some would say too quickly, but Ryan knew...the girl wanted family, needed family, and between Hope and herself, she had found her way in. The guys were a little standoffish at first, well, Sam had been. Dean treated Kris just like he did Hope, which had warmed Ryan's heart more than she could say. So, when she told him, two weeks ago, she wanted to add Krissy's name to her ankle tattoo when she added Jon's, he hadn't commented, just had gone with her because he wanted to watch. He only had one tattoo. She was planning on fixing that.

She had talked him and Sam both into getting a Men of Letters Aquarian star. Sam had gotten his on his wrist under his watch, but Dean had gotten his on the other side of his chest, opposite his Anti-Possession Sigil. Ryan had gotten one as well, on the top of her right breast to match Dean.

The night before had been a special one, just like she knew it would be. Since Sam, Dean, or Krissy didn't have any Christmas traditions to speak of, they went along with Ryan's. They opened all their gifts after a huge supper and had sat up playing games until late in the night. Now, all the kids would get presents from "Santa" and they would spend all day chilling out.

Just then, she heard footsteps on the stairs and she giggled as Dean's eyes widened and he dropped the tongs into the pan as he raced to the living room.

Sam blinked. "I don't think I've seen him move that fast since that werewolf chased him, our last hunt."

Ryan smiled as she walked over to finish what was left of the bacon in the pan. "I can't believe how happy we all are."

Sam sighed. "Are you sure, really sure you two want to leave in a few days?"

Ryan bit her lip as she moved to pull the breakfast casserole out of the fridge and preheated the oven. They had gone around and around about this, but she knew it was for the best. Dean needed this. "Yeah, I think so. I mean...we know Ben's his. We know somehow, Lisa dies. We just...I want him and Ben to be on good terms and right now, I have the distinct impression Ben's a little pissed at him."

"Yeah, but rolling up to their house, Ryan?"

"What choice do we have? I want this for Dean. I don't want..." She blew out a breath. "Gabriel's memories showed me Ben was here, and happy. But...that was without Dean. Now, I'm not saying it won't work, but..."

"But you want it to be a smooth transition, if possible."

She nodded. "Exactly."

"I get it. I just don't want him hurt, Ryan."

"Neither do I, Sam. And I'd go alone if I thought it would make this easier, but it won't."

Sam sighed. "Well, I guess I can look after four kids by myself..."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "You only have to look after the two littlest ones. Kris and Hope are fine together on their own. Besides, you won't be on your own. Jody's coming in." She rubbed a hand over her face. "Did Tor get the information we sent her about that shapeshifter in Jackson?"

He nodded as he sipped his coffee. "Yeah. She texted me last night. She'll be leaving tomorrow."

"Fun times," Ryan stated sarcastically but Sam just looked at her.

"I know you wanted to take that case, Ryan."

She shook her head. She had contemplated it. It would have been her first hunt since getting pregnant. But the timing was off. "I'll get another one. This thing with Ben is more important."

"You need to go on a hunt. I can tell. You and Dean both."

Her lip quirked. "And you? No need to murder a few monsters?"

Sam thought a moment then shook his head. "Nah. I'm good. Next case, I swear, we'll send you two on. I'll manage to keep the childrens and the house looking purty."

She giggled. "Never, ever try a southern accent again."

"Come on! It was pretty good!" he stated as he stood and slung an arm around her shoulders.

She shook her head. "No, it really wasn't."

"You suck."

"On occasion."

His mouth fell open. "You're nothing but trouble. But, can I tell you a secret?"

She leaned closer to him. "What?"

"You're perfect for him."

Ryan glanced at the living room where Dean was showing Bobby how to work one of the new action figure playsets Santa had brought him. "Well, he's perfect for me, so it balances out."

* * *

Three days later, Ryan pulled Demon into a motel just outside of Carmel, Indiana. She chanced a glance at Dean, who was looking a little green around the gills. She left him in the car while she got their room and drove to the door. They were both silent as they walked in.

He blinked in surprise. "You got us a king room?"

She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. She knew this was going to be hard on him, but she needed him here, with her. "Yeah. I figured...I mean...we are going to sleep together, aren't we?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I just...I don't think I've ever stayed in a room with a king bed before. Does it have magic fingers?"

She breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't weird about this. Good. Not that she wasn't feeling weird about it, she was feeling hella weird, but she had to do this. He had to do this. And he'd adamantly refused to do it alone. She had considered just sending him by himself, but he had given her the puppy dog eyes to put Sam to shame and she had of course agreed to go. Now, though, she was glad she had. Lisa would slam the door in Dean's face, she knew. It was better this way. "Okay, I'll go over there and you just...sit tight."

"Are you sure this is the best idea?"

She nodded. "I don't know her really well, but don't you think she'd refuse to talk to you?"

He winced. "Yeah. Probably."

"Okay. Then, let me go over there and we can go from there."

"You're sure."

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure." She smiled. "Besides, she's your basic human. Pretty sure I could take her in a fight..."

He shot her a look and she cleared her throat. "Joke. Bad joke, but it was a joke. It'll be fine, baby, I swear."

"What if he doesn't want to see me? I mean...it wasn't like I left under the best terms..."

"But you left for a good reason. They have to see that."

"Do they? They don't have to do anything."

She bit her lip. "Look, just let me talk to her, feel her out. If this...if it isn't good, I swear, I'll protect you, Dean. I won't let her hurt you."

"I don't need your protection, Ryan." He smiled and grabbed her hand. "Doesn't mean it isn't appreciated, though."

She kissed him soundly and then walked back out to the car. Dean had wanted to drive the Impala, but she had talked him out of it. Ben and Lisa both knew that car. No, it needed to be hers. She had met them once. She needed...well, she wasn't quite sure how it would all play out. But she was good at winging it.

She drove down Acorn Street and found the house. They'd moved when Ben started high school. Lisa had a job teaching yoga at the fitness center attached to Indianapolis Memorial Hospital. Ryan knew from accessing her personal files, that she would be home because she'd had a morning class. Ben was still out of school for winter break, but she was hoping he wasn't home. This was something she and Lisa needed to talk about in private, first. From there, they would figure things out.

She cleared her throat, smoothed her hair, reapplied some lip gloss, and stood from the car. She had on a pair of jeans, a nice pair of boots, and a blouse with a blazer. She was going for the "professional but relaxed" look. She hoped Lisa couldn't see her nerves.

She walked up to the door and rang the bell. She heard Lisa calling "just a minute!" and then the door opened.

Lisa looked at her a moment as her eyes narrowed and Ryan could tell the exact moment the other woman realized she'd seen her before. Those eyes, which had been halfway warm upon opening the door, hardened. "What do you want?"

"I would like to talk with you a moment."

Lisa crossed her arms. "Whatever you're selling, we don't want it. We don't want a part of any of that life." She moved to shut the door and Ryan stuck her foot in it, thankful she hadn't worn pumps. The biker boots were dressier than her usual hiking ones, but were still tough enough her foot didn't hurt from the pressure Lisa was applying to the door.

"Please. Give me five minutes."

"Why should I?"

Ryan's jaw ticked. "Because you're curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

Ryan had to smile at that. _Well, she ain't wrong..._"True. But I promise not to kill you."

"You're one of _them_. How do I know you don't have any weapons?"

Ryan chuckled. "I'm a hunter. I always have weapons, though, I've been out of commission for the past few months."

"Did you get hurt hunting those monsters?"

Ryan shook her head. "No. I had a baby. Nothing will bench a hunter quite like being knocked up."

Lisa's eyes widened. "Where is it?"

Ryan didn't miss a beat in answering. "He's at home. His uncle is watching him."

"I didn't think hunters had families."

Ryan smiled. "Didn't you ask me that one time before?"

Lisa's jaw set. "Fine. Five minutes."

Ryan relaxed a bit. "Thank you. It was a long drive."

"From where?"

Ryan knew not to lie. Not to Lisa. Everything had to be put out on the table. "Kansas. Lebanon, Kansas. I have a house there."

"I just put on some tea. Would you like some?"

Ryan wasn't much of a tea drinker, unless it was southern, sweet, and iced, but she nodded. "That or just a glass of water would be fine."

"Follow me to the kitchen."

Ryan followed behind her, glancing this way and that. The house was gorgeous, but lived in. There were Ben's sneakers on the stairs, a gym bag on the hall table, a glance in the living room showed the controllers of a game system on the coffee table, it was nice.

She took off her jacket, slung it over the back of the chair, then sat at the small bistro table as Lisa went about making the tea for herself and ice water for Ryan. Ryan looked up on the wall and saw a picture of Ben, smiling, arm slung around a teammate's shoulder. He was apparently good at sports.

When Lisa returned, she sat across from Ryan and stared at her, waiting.

Ryan took a sip of water and another deep breath. "So, I guess I should start with introductions."

Lisa cracked just a hint of a smile. "So you aren't Joan Jett?"

Ryan's eyes widened. "I can't believe you remembered that."

"Ben talked about you some, how he didn't realize there were female hunters. Dean..." she trailed off and shook her head.

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. She had wondered if Ben had mentioned her to Dean and she was fervently glad she'd given them a fake name. That could have had the potential to be...problematic. "Yeah, well, my name is Ryan Fawcett. I've been a hunter since I was twenty-one."

"Why?"

Ryan blew out a breath. She had been anticipating that question, but it didn't make it any easier to answer. "When I was a kid, something supernatural happened to me. And it ruined me. Being a hunter...gave me a reason to live."

"By going out and trying to get killed at every turn?"

Ryan shrugged, a sarcastic half smile on her face. "It's a skewed sense of logic, but it kept me off the ledge."

"Are most hunters suicidal?"

Ryan's hand automatically traced the scar going down her arm with her other hand and chuckled flatly. "We almost have to be, don't you think?"

"You're all crazy. Certifiable."

"You won't find me arguing."

"So? Why are you here?"

Ryan licked her lips and took another sip of water. "To tell you that, I need to tell you a little bit about myself, if you'd listen."

"And why should I?"

"Because I know. I know your biggest secret, Lisa."

Lisa tried to keep her cool, but Ryan had spent most of her life watching people. She knew Lisa was spooked. "What secret?"

Ryan held up a hand. "Just...maybe that was the wrong tack. Sorry. I have no idea what I'm doing."

The two sat in uncomfortable silence a moment as Ryan tried to figure out what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it.

"You got engaged," Lisa stated. "The baby's father?"

Ryan nodded as she glanced down at her ring. She hadn't realized she was toying with it. She had intended to take it off because she hadn't wanted to intimidate Lisa. But it was too late now. "Yeah, he and I...we've had a long road."

"You have another child, too, right?"

Ryan nodded. "Hope. She's eleven. And also Bobby, who's three and a half."

"And they're all...I'm sorry, that's none of my business."

Ryan chortled. "I'm not like most hunters. I'm a one-man woman. I've only ever been with him."

"Really?" The tone of surprise was par for the course. Most people found it hard to believe Ryan had only slept with one person.

"Yeah, well, I have trust issues."

Lisa snorted daintily. "_That _is a hunter's trait."

Ryan nodded. "You're right. It is."

"What do you want, Ryan? We've met one time in our lives. What could you possibly want from me?"

"Before I answer that, let me preface by telling you about myself. Most hunters...we enter this world because something supernatural happened to us. For me, it was being kidnapped and tortured by three demons when I was eleven. I won't give you details, but you can imagine. They took a handful of girls from my town. I was the only survivor."

Lisa gasped. "I'm so sorry."

Ryan shook her head. She couldn't accept sympathy now. It was too long ago. She couldn't go down that road, not again. "After that, my middle and high school years were...not normal, to say the least. When I was twenty-one, I was in college at App State, in North Carolina. A ghost latched onto me. I called the people that saved me the first time and they came and took care of the ghost. I'd already spent years finding out about demons and the like, so, I knew what we were dealing with, just not how to kill it. After the ghost was taken care of, and the people were long gone, I decided to become a hunter. They saved me, so, I could certainly go save someone else. And I did. I met up with a few people who helped train me, and there you have it."

"Going around saving people, just...just like _them._"

Ryan knew who she was referring to, so she just nodded. "When I was twenty five, well, almost twenty six, I was visited by an angel." At Lisa's surprised face, Ryan added, "Not the one you met. There are quite a few, you know."

Lisa sipped her tea and nodded. "I felt sure there were more than just him."

Ryan inclined her head as she ran her finger down the glass, watching the rivulets of condensation traveling down to pool under the cup on the table. "Well, this one...he said he could restore me to whole. I had a few missing parts due to the...injuries I'd sustained as a child. Anyway, if I agreed to have children, they would be a big part of saving the world."

"You're kidding!"

Ryan shook her head. "No, I'm not. I almost wish I was. But, I agreed to his terms. I did it, and Hope was born. Life was good."

"And the father of the child?"

"He wasn't to know. I couldn't tell him."

"Would he have believed you anyway?"

Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. She had always wondered what Dean would have said. "Probably not. Not that he wouldn't have loved the kid...I don't doubt that one for a minute. But the angels? No, he wasn't in the place to believe in them."

"So, you raised your child by yourself."

"I did. I think you know about that."

Lisa hummed and cleared her throat. "But at least I only had one. You said you had another?"

Ryan nodded. "I didn't think I'd ever see the man again, not after that first time. We went seven years without seeing one another."

"Is the hunting community that big?"

Ryan paused. "No...it isn't...but I'm sneaky. A couple of well placed lies, one person I trusted to know the truth, and the rest, well..."

"You didn't want to see him again?"

Ryan smiled sadly. "It was the opposite, actually. I knew if I saw him, I would tell him everything. And that was the one thing I was forbidden to do."

"So...what? What happened?"

Ryan sighed out a breath. For some reason, telling Lisa all this was extremely hard. Maybe it was because of Lisa's connection to Dean, maybe it was her own jealousies over Dean and Lisa's time together, maybe it was the fact Lisa had a kid with Dean first. Maybe it was the fact that Ryan realized Lisa could have easily have been Dean's soul mate. Gabriel could have changed it. What was it he'd said? He could make her forget? Have some one else be the mother of Dean's children?

"Ryan?"

Ryan blinked and shook her head. "Sorry. So, yeah, I met up with him on a vampire case."

Lisa shivered.

"Yeah. They're not so much fun. We, uh, we had a wild romp in the hay and then I got taken by the vamps, almost got turned, almost died, but he saved me. He and his, uh, partner. So, he saved me and then walked away." She smiled glumly. "Six weeks later, I realized he left me with another present."

"Another baby."

Ryan nodded. "Yep. But I wasn't upset about it, I mean, that was my job, right? Have kids? The angel said. So, I handled it. I moved again, settled down, figured I was done. The guy, well, he wasn't on a great path. With hunting, it either ends bloody or it ends sad. That's just the life. So, I figured the kids would never know their dad, and I would..." She gasped as the pain coursed through her. So many things could have happened that didn't...

She shook off those thoughts and continued talking. "He came to see me, earlier this year. He'd done something, taken a mark that gave him extra power to kill a demon, but at a cost. I didn't know, he didn't know, but it was turning him into..." Ryan bit her lip and shook her head again as a tear leaked out. "It was turning him into the thing I was most terrified of and the thing he hated the most."

"A demon?" Lisa breathed.

Ryan nodded. "A demon. We didn't know...if I had..." She smiled in a self-depreciating way. "Well, it wouldn't have made any difference. Hope knew all about him. She met him, but pretended she didn't know who he was. He spent the day and night with us, then the next morning, he left to go on saving the day."

"And he left you with another gift."

Ryan did smile at that. "Oh did I cuss a blue streak when I put two and two together. I was so pissed...but, well, hell, it happens. And it wasn't like I did anything to prevent it. I wouldn't have. An angel asked me, remember? Anyway, in June, the angel showed up at my door, said that bad stuff was going down...I raced down to Kansas where I found my guy dead."

"Dead? But..."

Ryan shrugged. "With the supernatural, dead doesn't always mean dead. There were spells, a demon cleansing ritual, angel blood...we were able to save him, bring him back."

"And now he knows."

"I told him all of it. We had a rough couple of months here, but it's good. He's good. I'm good. It's good."

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm here because of him. I'm...he's..."

Lisa gasped. "My god. It's him, isn't it? He's the one...?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. He is."

"Get out."

"Lisa..." Ryan began.

"Get out."

_No. I did not come all this way to get kicked out. My happy ass is staying right here. _"I'm not leaving."

"Damn it, I said get out of my house right this minute!"

"Not until you hear what I have to say!"

The two women stared at one another, narrow eyed. Ryan crossed her arms and sat back in the chair. "I don't know what the angel told you, but I know what happened, why it happened, everything. You can't hate him for wanting to keep you safe."

"I don't. I hate him for being a coward about it!"

Ryan grimaced. "That's fair. But you know how broken he is."

"And yet, you continued to bed him! Even now! Is that his ring?"

Ryan nodded as her hands found their way to each other as she toyed with the ring. She hadn't wanted Lisa to find out this way, but what could she do? "Yeah. It is. I'm his soul mate."

"Fuck you."

Ryan smiled slightly at that and took another sip of her water. "I knew you had fire. I see why he fell for you."

"Don't...don't do that," Lisa's voice broke.

"What? It's true. He went to you, not me, when Sam went to hell. That speaks volumes."

"He only came to me because he thought Ben was his."

That wasn't true. She knew it. Lisa knew it. But if it would make it easier for Lisa to see it that way, for now, she'd let her. "Well, he was right, wasn't he?"

Lisa didn't answer.

"Does Ben know?" Ryan asked softly.

Lisa scrubbed a hand across her face. "Yes. He does now. I...I have breast cancer. I'm in remission. When I found out, well, the type I have is hereditary. I wanted to make sure Ben didn't carry the gene. Men can get breast cancer too, you know. We had all sorts of genetic testing done on him. I already knew the truth...when Dean was with us...I had Ben's paternity tested. I had contemplated telling them both, but then Sam came back and..."

Ryan cringed inwardly. Sam came back and ruined Lisa's happy little bubble with Dean. At least she got a year. That was something, right?

"Anyway, I told Ben. I wanted him to know, just in case..."

Ryan swallowed. "I'm so sorry."

Lisa shrugged. "It's life. If one monster doesn't kill you, another monster will. I'm just fortunate I've made it this far."

"And Ben? Does he carry the gene?"

Lisa shook her head. "No, thankfully, he doesn't. It would have elevated his risks for breast, skin, and prostate cancer, but he's not a carrier of the BRCA mutation like I am. My mother had it and we are guessing her mother as well. My sister has the gene also but hasn't developed any of the signs. She...she won't speak to me. She's terrified for her little daughter. I don't blame her, but it's no excuse not to speak to me. She..Ben needed her. It was just me and him..." she trailed off and sighed before she looked Ryan in the eye. "What does Dean want from us?"

"He wants to make things right. He realizes what he did was wrong, he wants to make amends."

"Because Ben is his?"

Ryan thought about that a moment. "Truthfully? Maybe. But also because now that he sees..." She shook her head. "Life is different for him now. He didn't have a future before. He didn't want to condemn Ben to that. Now...now he sees maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel after all."

Lisa blew out a ragged breath. "Is he okay? Dean?"

Ryan bit her lip again and nodded. "He's...better. He had some rough stuff last year and he almost died this _year...did _die, this year..._"_ she shivered as she remembered seeing him lying on that bed, dead, bloody, and she sucked in a breath. "But, he's better now. He's...he's content, happy even."

"You make him happy."

Ryan smiled despite herself. "Yeah, I'd like to think so. Of course, we have some epic fights. We're both stubborn assholes."

Lisa chuckled. "You have to be to put up with him."

"Cas, Castiel, the angel, he told Dean about Ben. Dean wants...he knows what he did was wrong, but he just wants to make amends. He knows you two have your own lives...we have ours, too. But Ben's a part of something much bigger..."

"My son will _not _be a savage like you!"

It would have stung if Lisa hadn't been right. To be a hunter, you had to be part monster, yourself. "I'm not suggesting we give him a shotgun and send him off to war. He's a part of the Men of Letters. He's a legacy."

"What?"

Ryan sighed. "Sam and Dean's paternal grandfather was in a secret society called The Men of Letters. They were researchers in the fight against evil. They were basically supernatural librarians. Henry disappeared when their dad was just a baby so John never knew he was a part of this. The boys found out by accident last year. There is a bunker in Kansas that has all the research in it."

"And what does that mean for Ben?"

"Nothing. Not if he doesn't want it to. But if he wants to learn to be a Man of Letters, all he has to do is stay in school and learn. The rest can come."

"And no hunting?"

Ryan nodded. "No hunting."

"Can...Could I talk to Ben, first? If he doesn't want to see Dean, I won't make him."

Ryan bowed her head. "Absolutely. I just...I know it would mean the world to Dean..."

"This isn't about him and his feelings. I understand how you want to protect him. I admire that. But my first thought, my only care, is for my son and his feelings. I'm sure you understand that."

Ryan nodded. "Better than you can imagine. Hope went ten years before meeting her father. It wasn't safe for Dean to know. And Bobby..."

"You named the boy Bobby...after that man, the one we stayed with...?"

Ryan smiled sadly. "Bobby Singer was like a dad to Sam and Dean, was, really, to me, too. We had to honor him."

"Do you...do you have a picture of your children?"

Ryan's smile grew as she stood and pulled her phone out of her back pocket. She hadn't gotten the newest generation of smart phone like Sam, partially because she liked being able to keep it in her pocket. She quickly opened her Photo folder and handed the phone to Lisa, who had also stood. "This was on Christmas morning." She'd snagged a picture of Hope holding Jon while Krissy held Bobby in front of the Christmas tree.

"Who is the oldest girl?"

"A friend of ours, another hunter, he died and left Krissy alone. We've taken her in."

"You and Dean?"

Ryan nodded. "And Sam."

Lisa's fingers hovered over the phone. "The boy, Bobby, he looks so much like Ben as a baby..."

Ryan smiled. "Winchester genes beat almost all the others. Hope looks more like me now than she did, but for the longest time, there was no denying she was Dean's."

"Ben was the same. I really wasn't sure...I had a lot of my own problems before he was born. But when he was about two, he gave me that little smirk and I knew..."

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, it's always that damn smirk, isn't it?"

"And the puppy dog eyes."

"Definitely the puppy dog eyes!"

The two women shared a laugh. Ryan bit her lip as Lisa started thumbing through the camera roll. Ryan didn't have anything to hide on her phone. Most of the pictures were of the kids, but she had some of Dean and Sam as well. Lisa gasped and Ryan knew which picture it was. Ryan had snapped it just a few days ago. Dean had been laughing at something Hope had said at the dinner table when Ryan took it. "He looks so happy."

"He is, for the most part."

Lisa looked at her. "You're good for him."

"He's good for me," Ryan said thickly. She felt the tears clogging her throat.

Lisa handed her the phone. "Let me talk to Ben. You're staying nearby?"

Ryan nodded and walked over to snag a notepad from the refrigerator door. She wrote down the name of the motel and her cell phone number. "I'll go. But, please? Call me."

"Do you...are your kids in town with you?"

Ryan shook her head. "Dean and I are flying solo. They're home with Sam."

"What does Sam know about taking care of children?"

Ryan smirked. "He's had a crash course with his niece and nephews, let me tell you."

Lisa led her back to the door and said softly, "You have what I wanted with him."

Ryan sucked in a breath then blew it out. "You had it when I wanted it. You...you pieced him back together when Sam was gone. You were his safe haven. For that, I'll forever be grateful."

"Did you know? When you saw us, that he was with us?"

Ryan nodded sadly. "Yeah, I did."

"And you didn't tell me."

"Wasn't my place to say anything."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry he didn't go to you."

Ryan smiled at that. "No, you're not."

"You don't know how bad he was then, Ryan. I would have willingly given him away. I did what I could, but it wasn't enough, never enough. But he put on quite a show, later. He made you almost believe he was better, but he wasn't. It was almost more than I could do to help him. I might have talked him off the ledge, but no one could put him back together again. I saw it, once Sam came back. I was just a filler for him, a person to hold the spot in his heart until Sam came back. Maybe...maybe if it had been you instead of me, he would have been better off." Lisa looked away as she muttered, "Maybe we all would have been better off..."

Ryan just looked at her. In that instant, she realized the difference between being someone who loved Dean and his soul mate. Ryan would have gone to the ends of the earth to be with him, damaged, whole, it didn't matter as long as he was with her and she with him. Lisa, while she had no doubts Lisa had loved him, had felt burdened by the man with PTSD, the man she had to put back together. Ryan would have considered it a privilege. Yet, she couldn't find it in her heart to be mad at Lisa for it. So, she held out a hand for Lisa to shake. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. Call me, please?"

Lisa nodded and returned the handshake. "I will let you know tonight."

"Thank you," Ryan stated again before she walked back to the car. She had a lot to think over before she went back to report to Dean.

She drove aimlessly for a few minutes until she found a park. She stopped and went to sit on a picnic table and think. She heard the sounds of children playing, even though it was bitterly cold and the wind was picking up. Her nose started to run, her cheeks felt raw from windburn, and her hands felt like blocks of ice, but still, she sat. Finally, about an hour later, she got a one word text from Dean. "WELL?!"

She chuckled flatly and sent back a reply; "On my way back. Went as well as can be expected. She's going to talk to Ben then call me."

She stood then and stretched. Her phone beeped at her and she smiled at the next text from him; "Come home to me."

"On my way," she replied with a kiss emoji. She took a deep breath and blew it out, then hurried back to her car.

* * *

Once she arrived back at the motel, Dean asked a barrage of questions which she answered as best she could. She didn't know if Lisa wanted her to tell about the cancer thing, so that one, she held back, only because it seemed like something someone would want to tell personally.

"So...what do you think?" Dean asked her.

Ryan shrugged. She had pulled off her boots, ditched her jacket, and fell onto the bed. Now they were laying side-by-side, holding hands. She rubbed her thumb over the top of his. "I don't know, babe. I guess we just wait."

"I don't like waiting."

She smiled. "I know, honey. I know."

He turned over onto his side and she did as well, so they could look at one another. "I love you, Ryan. I'm sorry you're involved in this."

Ryan shook her head and put her hand on his face. "This involves you. I'm yours. Of course I want to be involved in this. Thank you for involving me. I should be. We're a team, right?"

He blew out a breath. "Yeah. We are. Man. I need to gank something."

She smiled. "Yeah, I know the feeling."

"We get this settled, we're going hunting."

She smiled as she bit her lip. "Yeah? You wanna take me hunting?"

He jumped on her then, pinning her to the bed. "Your damn right I do."

She hooked her legs around his and flipped them so she was on top. "Is that so?"

He grabbed her arms and flipped them once more. "Yes. Side note; I think we need to buy a king size bed. I like rolling around on it with you."

She giggled throatily as his head descended to her neck and his hair brushed her nose as his lips found her collarbone. She reached up and one hand grabbed his shoulder while the other found purchase in his hair. He'd let the top grow out, just a little bit, just enough for her to grab. "Dean..."

"Need you, Ryan."

"I'm yours, baby," she purred.

All the emotions of the day so far culminated in their act. It was hard, dirty, fast, and left them both half dressed and panting, trying to recover on the bed. "Did you seriously use one of your Tae Kwan Do moves on me?" Dean panted.

She smirked. "As a matter of fact, I did."

He grinned. "I liked it."

She chuckled. "I know." Just then, she heard her phone buzzing with a text message. She blinked and sat up. She gasped as she saw who it was from. "It's from Lisa."

"What's it say?"

She read it aloud; "Breakfast. Seven thirty tomorrow morning. Big Nell's diner on Pleasant. He wants to talk to you both."

Dean looked at her with wide eyes. "Both of us?"

Ryan shrugged. "Makes sense, I guess."

"This...this is good, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

* * *

The next morning, they were ready and waiting and sitting in a booth at seven fifteen. Ryan had sat on the inside of the booth and she put a hand on Dean's knee, which was bouncing. "Calm down."

"What if...?"

She shook her head. "Honey, look, the worst thing he can do is cuss you out and say he doesn't want to see you again. Right?"

Dean swallowed hard. "I...I guess so."

It hurt her to see him so shaken. Dean was always the most confident person in the room. To see him so unsure of himself made her heart ache. "I love you, baby. The kids love you. And I'm sure he loves you, too."

"I just don't want him to hate me the way Sam hated our dad..."

"He doesn't."

"How do you know that?"

Ryan smiled as she caught a glimpse of the boy. He'd walked in front of the window three times already, trying to psych himself up enough to walk in, Ryan would wager. "Because he looks as nervous as you do."

Dean's head shot up and he looked out the window. "That's...that's Ben? He's grown so much."

"He's not a kid anymore, Dee," she reminded him softly.

He blew out a breath. "Yeah, I know, I just..."

Ryan squeezed his knee. "You'll do fine. Just...let him lead you."

They watched as the boy walked in, alone, and came over to their table. Dean stood and Ryan saw how they both sized each other up, not as boy and man, but as two men. Ben was a teenager, yes, but he was pretty damn grown. "Ben."

"Dean."

She watched as they shook hands and they both sat. The boy turned to her. "And...Ryan, is it?"

She nodded and held her hand across the table for him to shake. "Hi, Ben. Sorry about not telling you my real name before, when we met."

Dean looked from Ben to Ryan. "You two met?"

Ryan winced. "Shit. I forgot. Yeah, we did."

"When?"

"When you sent us to that Bobby guy's house," Ben answered. "She came in, injured. She had been hunting...a wendigo, right?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yep. Hunted it with Garth. I still have the scar from the burn," she stated as she held out her arm to show Ben where the skin was darker.

"You...wait...Ryan, why didn't you tell me that?"

"I forgot about it, actually. Well, forgot I hadn't told you. I could have sworn..."

He shook his head. "No. I didn't know that."

"Sorry, babe, really." She turned to Ben. "So, I saw you're on the baseball team?"

The boy nodded. "Yeah."

"What position?"

"I'm good at them all."

Ryan had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep the smile off her face. He was a cocky little stinker. "Got a girlfriend?"

"Just one?"

She laughed out loud. Oh, this kid was definitely Dean's. "I hate I asked."

He smiled at her. "So...you got a couple of kids now?"

She nodded and handed him her phone. "Hope's eleven, Bobby's three, and Jon is just a couple of months..."

Ben looked at the picture and his eyebrows lifted as he looked from Dean to Ryan. "And they're all..."

Dean nodded. "They're mine."

"And mine. Last time I checked, I had something to do with it," Ryan reminded them.

They all chuckled nervously and the waitress came over. The men let Ryan order first and it was so comical to see them both pick the exact same meal, the recognition on each of their faces as they realized...

When the waitress left, Ben didn't waste time. "So...what do you want?"

Ryan watched as Dean tried and failed to think of something to say, so, Ryan jumped in. "We don't want anything, Ben. We just..."

"Not to be rude or anything, Ryan, but he needs to answer for himself on this one."

"Watch your tone with her," Dean growled. "You can beat me over the head all you want with snide remarks and shit, but I know Lisa didn't raise you to be disrespectful to women."

Ben bowed his head. "You're right. I apologize." He lifted his head and glared at Dean. "So? What do you want?"

Dean sighed. "I just...look, you may be mine by blood, but that doesn't make me family. I get that. I burned that bridge, Ben, a long time ago. I'm not trying to...I just...I don't want it weird."

"Think that ship sailed, don't you?"

Dean shook his head. "It doesn't have to."

"You stole our memories!" Ben hissed.

"I was trying to protect you. Remember me telling you that? I'd go to the ends of the earth to protect the people I love. Well, for you, it was making you forget I existed. Was it right? No. But it was the only choice I had at the time."

"You could have nutted up and told us like a normal human being!"

This time, Dean looked down, suddenly engrossed in the paper bag holding the silverware. "Yeah, I could have. And hindsight's twenty/twenty, Ben. I screwed up. I admit it. But I can't go back and change it now. I can only move forward. Can you move forward, too?"

"Mom's dying," Ben stated bitterly.

Dean looked up and stared at him. "What?"

"She's got cancer. I know...she said she was in remission, but I heard her talking to the doctors on the phone. They found a spot on her lung. She's going in for a biopsy once I'm back in school after break. She's looking at more chemo and radiation."

Ryan gasped and Dean said, "Ben...I'm so sorry."

Ben shook his head. "I'm so fucking pissed right now. I'm mad at you, at her, at God...I'm mad at the whole damn world." The boy's eyes narrowed at Dean. "Are you going to be here for me now? Huh? You gonna hold my hand as I watch her whither away to nothing and die?" Ben's voice cracked on the last word and Ryan knew he was trying not to cry.

"Ben...I don't know what to say. I'll...I'd like to be here for you, if you want me to. But if it's too much..."

"I don't have anyone else, Dean. And I know one day she's gonna leave me and I'll be on my own. That's why she told me the truth in the first place, once our memories came back. They came back slowly until we finally knew everything and I was so damn angry...then she dropped the bomb on me about her sickness and I just..." Ben shook his head. "I don't know what to do. I'm not...I got...it's so hard..."

"Ben," Ryan's voice was soft. "Ben...please tell me you aren't doing drugs."

"What?!" Dean all but shouted, but Ryan ignored him.

She knew it could be hard, that sometimes, you needed something to numb the pain, at least for a little while. "Are you? Is the pain too much?" Ben sniffed and Ryan had her answer. "Ben..."

"It...it helps."

"Benjamin Isaac Braeden..." Dean began, but Ryan stomped his foot under the table.

She reached across the table and grabbed Ben's hand. "Look, I've been there. My whole teenage experience was a haze of drugs and suicidal thoughts. I get it. But your mom loves you. She wouldn't leave you if she thought she could find a way to be healed."

"I tried to call your angel. I did, actually. He came to me."

"Cas?"

Ben nodded. "He told me he couldn't do miracles anymore. He wasn't allowed to."

"What?"

Ryan wasn't surprised. After what Dean had told her about Jon's birth, what little bit he'd said, he'd made it sound like Cas had to ask permission before he raised her from the dead, prophecies or no. "They're reworking Heaven, Dean. It makes sense..."

"Yeah, but..."

Ryan shook her head and turned back to Ben. "Having an angel as a friend isn't a cure-all, Ben. There are things they can't do. There are things that are supposed to happen."

"My mom dying is one of those things?!"

"Maybe not," Ryan told him softly. "But maybe it is. I was...the things I went through...I didn't think it was fair. Looking back now, I still don't think it's fair. But it made me into who I am. Pain, suffering, loss, they mold you into who you are. Does it make it any easier to accept? Hell no. But it does make you who you're supposed to be. That's not something we can change. We just have to survive it."

"What happened to you?"

She blew out a breath as she sat back, releasing his hand. "Oh, well, a lot of terrible stuff. I was kidnapped and tortured by a group of demons. One of them possessed me and killed my mom." She gave Dean a glance. "Luckily, John Winchester had come to town and left his hunter's journal with his boys. Dean saved me. He pulled the demon out of me when Sam drew the demon into a devil's trap."

"How old were you?"

"Eleven."

Ben's eyes widened. "Were you eleven, too?" he asked Dean.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I was. Sammy was just a little squirt."

"Wow...you've been a hero a long time, haven't you, Dean?"

Ryan smiled. "He's been my hero ever since."

"Did you know Dean saved me when I was eight?"

Ryan's eyebrow lifted. She knew the story. She'd read the gospel, but she wanted his side of things. The gospels were so clinical. It was nice to hear the perspective from the people involved. "Is that so? Tell me about it."

He launched into telling about the changlings and Ryan shivered as she imagined one of her children being copied by one of those monsters. "Wow, talk about a memorable birthday."

Ben chuckled. "Yeah, well, it stuck with me, that much is for sure. Cas never took those memories from me. I always had them, and I had a copy of your card...one with a fake name on it. I don't know where it came from."

Ryan smiled. "A built in security measure. Cas wanted you to be able to call Dean, just in case."

Ben looked at Dean. "Look, I can't...I can't promise anything. I've got Mom and she needs me, obviously more than you. But...but I'd like to get to know you now. If you'll be open about everything. I'm almost an adult. Don't sugar coat things, don't tell me I can't know something, and don't try to parent me."

Dean held up both hands. "I can probably do the first two. But I can't not parent you if I see you doing something that'll get you hurt. We had a year together, Ben. I remember being with you, doing things with you, correcting you when you were wrong..." Dean sighed. "I remember doing fun stuff with you, too. I was...I was your dad for a year. That...it doesn't go away just because I left. There wasn't a day I didn't think about you, Ben. I messed this up. Me. I accept that. Didn't mean I didn't still love you. So, no, I can tell you the truth, no sugar coating. I'll own up to everything, especially if you ask me a direct question, but I will parent you as I see fit."

Ben looked at him another moment before he nodded. "Sold." He held out his hand and the two men shook hands.

Ryan smiled slightly as the food arrived and the two guys both dove into their food. _It could have gone much worse, _she thought as she tucked in to her own meal.

* * *

Dean and Ryan made their way back to the motel and she couldn't help but smile as she looked at Dean. He looked like he was floating on air. Granted, their meeting wasn't quite as calm and relaxed as she'd hoped for, but getting two Winchester boys together often resulted in raised voices, so she was cautiously optimistic about the whole thing. They were going over to cook steaks on the grill later that night once Lisa came home. Ryan wasn't sure how that would go, all four of them sitting down to dinner, but, well, she wasn't one to back down from a challenge. She had stopped at the grocery store and grabbed some things to whip up a quick dessert and they were also bringing salad fixings for the meal.

She quickly constructed the Black Forest Trifle and stuck it in the fridge. It was the best she could do when she didn't have much to work with, but the brownie/pudding/whipped cream/cherry concoction would do. And it really was a great dessert. She walked over to the bed where Dean was lying and scooted in, snuggling up to him. "You okay?"

He smiled. "I'm good. Really good. I just...wonder why Cas can't heal her?"

"We could ask him. You could pull out your phone and give him a call, you know."

He nodded. "Yeah. I might do that." He stood and walked over to the window as he snagged his phone from his pocket.

Ryan dozed off and was awakened by the alarm on Dean's phone a few hours later. She reached across him and turned it off. Apparently he'd decided they both needed a nap. Neither of them had slept worth anything the night before, but now she was feeling much better. She stood and decided to take a shower. As she was putting body wash on her loofah, she heard Dean clear his throat. "Can I join you?"

She smiled and pushed open the shower curtain. He stepped in and she moved so the water could cascade over him. She stood on tiptoe for a kiss, which he eagerly returned. "Cas can't fix her," he stated softly. "He said the angels have convened a panel. All miracles have to be thought out and processed. It's stupid but I guess, after everyone up there has dicked around so much, it makes sense."

"I'm sorry, baby," she purred as she wrapped her arms around him for a hug.

His arms encircled her. "I know. I hate it for Ben. I mean...that sucks."

"All we can do is be there for him, Dean."

He nodded. "Yeah. And we will be, right?"

She smiled. "Of course we will. He's family, blood or no. He's my family, too. I'll look after him when Lisa can't. And I'll make sure to tell her that tonight."

"I don't know if she'll be happy with that."

"It may be it will give her the relief she needs, Dean, to know he's got a support system now, that he didn't have."

"The stuff about the drugs...should I tell her?"

She bit her lip. "Talk to him, personally, about it. Let him know you aren't going to tattle, but let him know he needs to own up to it. If he wants...well, if he wants to be a hunter or a Man of Letters, he'll need all those brain cells he's losing."

He chuckled. "That might be better coming from you."

"No. It needs to come from you. Tell him...if he needs to, if he wants to, he can always talk to me. But I'm going to let you handle it."

"Thank you, Ryan. You didn't have to..."

She silenced him with a kiss. "I know I didn't have to. When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that right here is where I want to be?"

"Sometimes it feels like you're too good to be true."

"I feel the same," she told him as she hugged him tighter. "I know exactly how you feel."

* * *

Ryan chanced a glance at Dean. She was letting him drive because she didn't trust him with the dessert. He'd looked at it hungrily...not quite as bad as he would a pie, but still... Now, however, he was white-knuckling her steering wheel so hard, she was afraid he was going to dent it. "You okay?" she asked as they turned onto the road leading to Lisa's house.

"Peachy," came his terse reply.

"Wanna take a drive around the block, let me suck you off?"

He all but slammed on breaks, earning the horn of righteousness from behind them. "What?!"

She giggled. "It was just a suggestion."

"No, thanks, but I'll keep that idea on the back burner, if I need it."

She smiled and rubbed her hand up and down his arm. "Calm down. He's the one that invited us. Lisa wouldn't have agreed to him asking us to dinner if she didn't want us there."

"I know, I just..."

She squeezed his arm. "It will be fine."

"I don't know how to feel right now, Ryan. I'm all...I don't...this isn't who I am."

"But it's who you're becoming. You can be more than just a bad ass hunter, Dean. You can be a father, you can be a human. Being a hunter doesn't also mean you're a monster."

"It used to."

"The lines are blurred when you have a family. Does it make it easier? Certainly not, but that's the way it is."

He snatched her hand and held it tightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, it's the next brown house on the left, down there..."

He sighed out a breath and pulled into the driveway. "So, we're doing this."

She nodded with a smile. "We're doing this."

* * *

Dinner was strained, but not the most uncomfortable meal Ryan had ever sat through. Ben was animated and enough like Dean in personality to fill the silence with a joke or a sarcastic comeback. Ryan found herself really liking the kid and saying so to Lisa when Ben had run to the bathroom. "He's great, Lisa. He really is."

"Yeah, you've done a great job with him," Dean added as he sipped his water. Lisa had refused to have alcohol in the house. Ryan wondered why, but she went with it. It was better for Dean he wasn't tempted, not at a time of stress like this. He'd been doing good, not drinking often, but she knew, just like with all of her many issues, one bad word and all that sobriety could go out the window.

When Ben came back, Lisa said, "Let's clean up the dishes, and then we can take our desserts in the living room."

"I'll help Ben, Lisa. You and Dean go talk," Ryan offered.

Dean looked at her like she'd shot him, but she just smiled. She knew there were a lot of things Dean and Lisa needed to talk about, things she didn't need to be a part of. "Ben and I can get it knocked out quick, can't we?"

He glanced from his mom to Ryan and then shrugged. "Sure. We've got this." He watched Lisa and Dean stand up then walk away into the living room together. "You okay with that? The two of them...?"

Ryan smirked. "You know, I used to be worried I wasn't enough for Dean. Then I realized he felt the same way. We're both so completely broken, Ben, no, I don't worry about him with anyone else. He and I are two halves of a whole. Good, bad, ugly, we just are. Some days it's harder than others, but for the most part..." she trailed off and shrugged. "It is what it is."

"I wanted him to be her one, you know? Like, I've always heard there was one person for everyone. I wanted him to be hers."

She nodded and stacked the plates. "I think Sam wanted that, too. Hell, I think Dean wanted it. But it was too late by then. If they had met first, maybe..." she shook her head. "I don't know. I just know what has happened between him and me was supposed to. Just like what happened between them was supposed to."

"You really believe all that destiny crap?"

She chuckled flatly. _Oh how like your father you are. _"I believe destiny follows free will. You're destined to do something, but you don't have to do it. But you will do it, because of who you are."

He just stared at her. "Dang. That's...wow. Never thought of it like that."

She smiled. "Yeah, well, I'm Obi-Wan, didn't you know?"

He snorted. "Princess Leia maybe."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," she muttered as she carried the plates to the sink.

He stopped. "You like Star Wars?"

"Well, to be truthful about it, my dad was a Trekkie..."

"Well crap. Here I thought you were cool."

She giggled. "Hey, just because I don't love them doesn't mean I haven't watched them. They're good movies, just not my favorite."

"DC or Marvel?"

"Marvel, but I'm partial to Batman."

It was Ben's turn to chuckle. "I wonder why..."

Ryan looked at him and then laughed. "Yeah, he does love Batman, doesn't he? My dad was a DC guy though he did love him some Incredible Hulk. Most of my geekiness came from him."

"He died?" Ben asked softly as he brought over the glasses.

She nodded while she filled the sink with water. "Yeah, when I was a teenager."

"How'd you handle it?"

She paused in thought. Eventually, she said, "I didn't handle it well. Not that I particularly cared...that sounds heartless, but what I mean is, I was so screwed up, I didn't fully appreciate my dad. Then, when he was gone, it was like, 'Oh well. Guess I've got to move on now' and that was it. I remember hating he died, but I wasn't...I didn't feel connected to him, not like I did when I was little. It's...sad now that I look back on it. He was there for me and I gave him pretty much nothing in return."

"I don't want to be like that with her..."

Ryan reached out and put a hand on Ben's arm. "You won't, Ben. You two...you're a unit. Stay that way. Don't be standoffish because she's sick. Be there for her. Love her. Don't do drugs to hide your pain. Talk it over with her."

"I'm not really good at that kind of thing."

She blinked. "And there's my case against the whole 'nature versus nurture' thing."

"What?"

She shook her head. "Don't be like him, not in this instance, Ben. It's okay to be like him in some things, but not this one. He's a good man, but his dad didn't look after their emotional well being. I know your mom has yours."

"You talk about how good he is. And he is, to everyone but his own family. How can you stand it? Aren't you afraid he'll leave? He left us."

She nodded. In the beginning, wasn't that what she was so afraid of? But now...now she knew Dean would be there. It was almost as if he didn't have a choice. She felt the same. They were tied to one another now, tighter than ever before. They couldn't leave. They had to stay together. Of course, she didn't want either of them to leave, no matter how bad their arguments got. It was always better for them to be together. "He left you. Yes. But for a good reason. That isn't an unforgivable crime, is it?"

He blew out a breath. "I guess not." They worked in silence a few moments after that until he said, "So, I've got siblings?"

She nodded as she began tackling the pot that held the macaroni and cheese. She liked how Lisa had added carrots in it, making it healthier. She'd have to try that at home. "A little sister and two little monsters for brothers. You should come and visit us sometime."

"I don't know...would that be weird?"

"Your mom could come with you if you'd like, if it would make you more comfortable."

He chuckled. "Pretty sure that would make her uncomfortable."

"Why? Heck, Sam lives with us. No weirdness. But you can get a hotel. There are a couple of nice ones. Oh, or we could put you up in the bunker. You've gotta check out the bunker. You're a part of that legacy."

"A legacy. That's...mom told me a little bit about it. Sounds dull, being a supernatural librarian."

Ryan's smile started slow and spread all the way across her face. "Yeah, well, I didn't tell your mom everything about the Men of Letters. It's really super cool. I mean, how many people get to say they're a legacy of a super-secret organization complete with its own Batcave? I mean, _no _one has heard of it before. It's kind of awesome."

"A Batcave? Really?"

She nodded. "It's got all this cool literature. Even if you don't enjoy history, you'd like it. It's got a war room and I swear there are secrets in there the boys don't even know about yet. It's like something out of a comic book, man. It's epic."

"Wow. Yeah, maybe...you think Mom would want to visit?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know, maybe? And too, I think now that things are, well, now that Dean's here, I think she'll want you two to spend a little time together."

She watched him process a moment and she knew he wanted to ask her something, so she didn't say anything. Finally, he asked, "When...no, if something happens to her, do you think...I mean..."

"Ben, I would love to have you come stay with us. And I know Dean would, too. We have a huge house. There's plenty of room for you, too."

He swallowed hard and nodded. "You take in strays, right? I saw that picture...who was the older girl? You don't have another one, do you?"

"No, I only have the three, but she's already like a daughter to me. Her name is Krissy Chambers. Her father was a hunter. She's one, too. When her hunting partners were killed, we took her in."

"A teenage hunter?"

"Don't get too excited. Your mom would have kittens if you thought about hunting."

He sobered. "I know. I just...I was just wondering."

"Mmmhmm," she mused. "Well, yes, she's a hunter, too. But for now, she's been benched. She's got some schooling to do yet. She's behind because she quit. She's smart, but she decided she wants to go back and finish her junior year, then be a senior next year. She's realized...it takes more than brawn to be a hunter. Well, a good one, in any case."

"Like you? Like Sam?"

She nodded. "I'm actually a college graduate. Sam's been to college. But Dean? He's one of the smartest guys I know because he's self-taught. His dad talked him into getting his GED but that didn't stop Dean from wanting to learn. He pretends he's not as smart as he is because he doesn't want to take away from Sam's intelligence, which is stupid, but there you go."

Ben looked like he'd just come upon a new side of the man he'd lived with for a year. "Wow."

She let him ponder that a moment as she began humming while she walked to wipe off the table.

"Did you...do you like 2Pac?"

She nodded as she walked back to him. She had been humming 'California Love'. She watched him as he began loading the dishwasher. She assumed this was something he and Lisa did together a lot. "I love most all music, but yeah, 2Pac, Dr. Dre, old school rap is the best. This new crap is for the birds."

"Tell me about it. And what's up with the new pop stuff? Bieber? One Direction? The girls at school like that crap and I'm just like...no. Just...no."

Ryan chuckled. "Well, Hope likes Taylor Swift, but then, your sister is a country girl."

Ben stopped and just looked at her. "You're kidding! Does she not realize who her dad is?"

Ryan nodded with a giggle. "Hope does her own thing. I'm afraid I influenced her musical tastes. I grew up in North Carolina, so I have my roots in Country and Southern Rock music. My tastes got a bit more diverse as I grew older. My mom loved country music, my dad loved the rock music like Dean listens to, so I learned to love it all. When I got older, and I grew more withdrawn, music was pretty much the only connection I had with my dad. Music is what kept me sane, well, as sane as I was, anyway."

"You were pretty messed up, huh?"

"Were? Try still am. I'm just well adjusted now."

He looked at her a moment and his brows furrowed. "I get it, why you two make a good couple."

"Because we're both card carrying members of the clan of F.I.N.E.?"

Ben laughed, clearly he'd heard of the acronym. "Yeah, well, not just that. You're pretty awesome, Ryan."

She smiled. "Yeah? Well you're pretty awesome yourself, Ben."

* * *

**Dean POV **

He listened with half an ear to the conversation in the kitchen and turned to smile at Lisa. "I meant what I said earlier, you've done a hell of a job with him."

"Are you going to be here for him if he needs you, Dean?" she asked softly and he hated to hear the pain in her voice.

"I swear it, Lisa. I'm not going anywhere. I've got a home now. A family. And I want Ben included in that."

Lisa blew out a breath. She was just as beautiful as she had been years ago, but he could see the tiredness in her eyes, could see how her sickness had effected her. "I'm not doing great, Dean. Ben told me he told you about my illness."

Dean nodded. "I hate that so much for you, Lisa. You don't deserve it."

She chuckled flatly at that. "Yeah, well, it happens. Ben...he doesn't have anyone besides me. If...Dean, if this kills me, no, _when _this kills me...will you be there for him?"

Dean nodded adamantly. "Absolutely. Anything the kid needs, I'll be there. I'll drop everything to be here for him. I swear it."

She nodded. "Okay. I believe you."

"Just like that?"

She smiled. "You were a lot of things, Dean Winchester, but not a liar. You promised you'd protect us, you did. I'm not pleased with how you did it, but you kept your word. You take vows seriously and you vow to look after him. That's good enough for me."

They were both silent a moment before they heard music start up and two laughs. Lisa smiled. "I like her. She's perfect for you."

Dean smiled as well. "Yeah, she is."

"I see how happy you are, Dean. I'm glad."

"I wish I could say the same for you, Lisa."

She shrugged. "All I've needed in life was Ben. I got him and that's been enough for me. You were always searching. In the beginning, when you came to us, I thought it was all because of Sam, that pain and listlessness, but now I see...it was her you were searching for. You probably didn't even know you were looking, until you found her."

"It didn't stop me from walking away from her," he stated bitterly.

Lisa smiled at that. "You have always put someone else's needs before your own, Dean. I'm glad this time you decided to look after yourself as well."

Dean chortled. "She didn't give me much of a choice."

"Knowing her as little as I do, I can see how you might be right. She wouldn't give you a choice. And aren't you glad for it?"

He thought about that a moment. "I've never been a religious man. Even now, knowing about angels and all that other crap, I've never believed someone upstairs could really care about me. But now, after finding out how much has been done, how many bricks were laid in place just for my life...I have to accept it. And thank whoever will listen for what I've got."

Lisa looked out the window at the dark street. "You're a good man, Dean Winchester. And I'm very glad it was you. I'm glad you're Ben's father."

Dean blinked. "Do you mean that?"

She nodded. "Knowing what I know now, knowing I may not live to see my next birthday? Knowing he'll have a home, a real home to go to, instead of a car and a death wish? Yes, I'm very glad it's you. And I'm very honored to have a woman as good as her be Ben's step-mother."

It was one of the best compliments Dean had ever received.

* * *

**January Twenty First**

Dean walked into the bunker whistling. He'd just dropped Hope and Krissy (who was still arguing about wanting a car) at school and went to look for Ryan. He figured she was in the gym room, that's usually where she went.

"Ry? You in here?" he called. He walked in to find the room empty. "Huh," he mused aloud. Just then, he felt it...someone sneaking up on him. He grinned, turned, grabbed her, and pinned her to the ground.

"Fuck!" she growled from underneath him. "I thought I had you."

He smirked down at her. "You're good, Fawcett, but not that good."

"Damn it." He stood and hauled her to her feet. She looked up at him with a waggle of an eyebrow. "Best two out of three?"

His smile spread slowly across his face. "You wanna play, little girl?" He looked at her. She had a sheen of sweat on her from her run, and had already wrapped her hands for their sparing session.

She smirked and instead of answering, moved to punch him. He ducked it and punched back. She blocked him and kicked his side. "Slow poke."

"Time for one damn minute so I can get my shit ready."

She giggled and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet as he wrapped his hands, stripped out of his hoodie, and turned back to her. "Okay. Time in."

She was ruthless, and getting better. They tried not to hit too forcefully, but both of them tended to get into their fights. Usually they both left bruised, but they tried not to hit one another in the face, though, occasionally, one got through. He had thought he'd have a problem, fighting hand-to-hand with her, but when they were in this mindset, they both became warriors. And she was one hell of a fighter. She played dirty and she played smart. She'd had formal training in Tae Kwon Do, he'd been taught by his Marine father. They'd both adapted their fighting styles from there. It had led to them both learning a few new moves.

They lost track of time as they fought, often to the point of almost falling down from exhaustion, which was why they didn't do it often. They trained, daily in some form or another, and he hated to admit how much healthier he was, how he ate, everything was different , but not in a bad way. He was a machine now, even just a few months later. It was good. And he loved doing this with her. It was something the two of them owned. And after much consideration, he decided maybe she did need to fight against Sam. Sam was taller, slimmer, and that led to a slightly different fighting style. So, occasionally she also sparred with his brother and it really didn't bother Dean. At first, he'd been apprehensive, no denying that, but he was getting comfortable with Ryan and Sam's relationship. Just because she belonged to Dean, and Dean belonged to her, it didn't mean part of her didn't belong to his brother. Not in a sexual way, that was gross, but she and Sam had a strong emotional connection. The two people he loved most in this world were more alike than he'd originally thought and he was seeing the nuances of those similarities more with each passing day.

She let out a growl of frustration as she missed a shot and he landed a jab to her ribs. He analazed her. She was flagging, yes, but that was when he needed to push her. He always managed to keep his head in the game. Well, most of the time, in any case. Yes, she sparred with Sam, but this level of violence, that slightly crazed look in her eye that frightened him as much as it turned him on, she reserved for Dean and they only pulled it out every once in a while. Clearly she was needing to let off some major steam. Well, he was, too. Not hunting as much had become a slight problem as he realized though he didn't have The Mark anymore, he still thirsted for the violence.

She clipped his chin and his head snapped back, bringing him back into the game. He moved to hit her and she dodged once more. "You're getting faster," he commented.

"You're getting older," she growled as she managed to sneak in a punch to the kidney.

"Shit!" he called as he shook it off and blocked her next blow before managing to land one of his own on her ribs again. "You're only three months behind me, honey."

She smirked and blew him a kiss as she darted away. "What you want for your birthday?" she panted as she blocked a hit.

"You. Naked. Writhing under me."

He saw it, the moment her brain switched from 'fight' to 'fuck' and he smirked as he swept her legs out from under her and he covered her. "I need you," he growled as he attacked her neck, leaving bruises of a different variety.

"Holy shit," she groaned as her hands began moving over him. "Not fair...damn you."

He chuckled as he bit her nipple through her sports bra. "I don't play fair, Peaches, didn't you know that?"

She glared at him, her voice throaty with desire and the thrill of the fight. "I could take you out. You're exposed, Dean. Your desire is making you weak."

"You could," he agreed as he began pulling her shorts down just enough to brush her with his fingertips. "But you don't wanna go in for the kill. You want me to fuck you."

"God, yes!" she cried as his hand dove into her.

He fingered her a few moments, getting her almost to the edge before he heard footsteps down the hall, He pulled his hand away and she growled. Fucking growled like an animal. "I don't know who the fuck is there, but turn your ass around!" she screamed as she grabbed his hand and shoved it back into her pants.

He looked down at her and grinned. "Damn. That's sexy."

"If you don't fuck me now, don't expect to get any for the next week."

That was one bet he didn't want to take. "Yes, ma'am," he replied as he quickly divested them of their pants.

They rode hard and fast, each one racing the other to the finish line, doing little things to build the other's desire until finally, they both exploded.

As they came back down, Ryan panted out a breath. "You know, I'm not entirely sure this is a good thing, us fighting together."

He glanced over at her. Both of them were laying on their backs. He'd managed to pull his pants up, but she was laying there in nothing but her sports bra and running shoes. "Is that a fact?"

She gasped out another breath and nodded. "Yeah. Because, I might just get turned on and have to fuck you, covered in some monster's blood."

He thought about that a moment.

"It was a joke, Dean."

Still, he thought. Ryan...covered in the blood of their enemies... "Nah, I could totally see it."

She chuckled and stood. "You're disgusting."

"You're the one who said it," he countered.

She nodded. "True. Come on. Shower time."

"Sounds like a plan to me," he muttered. He glanced at her. "You, uh, may want to do the whole pants thing though..."

She glanced down and shrugged. "If you insist..."

"Hey, you don't have to dress at all, but it might make Sammy uncomfortable..."

She giggled and slipped on her shorts. "Come on," she murmured as she pulled him to his feet. "Showers."

After their showers, in which they may have gotten a bit dirtier before they got clean, they dressed and made their way back to the war room. Dean stopped dead and Ryan, who had been looking at an email on her phone, bumped into him. "What the hell?"

"Surprise!" Tory called from where she was propped up on her elbows, reading over Sam's shoulder.

Dean glanced at Ryan, who smiled. "Hey, you pervert." Dean watched the two women hug.

"Who? Me? You're the one who invited me to watch."

Dean blinked and looked back and forth between the two. "You mean...you didn't...did you?"

Tory smirked. "Guess you'll never know, will you, Deano? But, damn, if I did...I'm impressed. Always knew you were hung like a racehorse."

Sam guffawed and Dean's mouth fell open.

"She's joking, Dean," Ryan told him.

He glanced between the two women again and wondered if she really was. Tory seemed to...toe the line between appropriate behavior and doing whatever the fuck she wanted. "Uh, okay...so, what's up, Allard?"

She picked up the folder Sam had been reading and handed it out to him. "I come bringing a case, my man."

He took it and leafed through it. Lots of victims and grotesque body parts had shown up, or so it seemed from the bevy of color photos in the folder. "And you want help?"

She shook her head. "I wanna give it away. I need five. I've been working my ass off for you Winchesters. All three of you. I need a break. You handle it."

He walked over and sat down. Ryan leaned over his shoulder to read as he looked at it. "What is it?"

Tory shrugged and stole Sam's coffee. "No clue. That's why I brought it to the masters."

Dean read the report and a sinking feeling hit the pit of his stomach. Hands and feet of victims missing...lots of weird symbols being branded into their flesh... "Sam..."

Sam nodded. "I know. I thought the same thing."

"Care to share with the class?" Ryan asked.

Dean blew out a breath. "It sounds like its the group of Amazons cropping back up."

Ryan blinked. "You mean...you think it's the same...?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

"Wow," she mused.

"I gotta take this, Ryan. We need to destroy them this time. They got away..."

She nodded. "Absolutely."

Dean glanced from Ryan to Sam, trying to decide how he wanted to play it. With a short head bob at the direction his thoughts turned, he glanced at his brother. "Sorry, man, you're benched."

"What?"

"What?" Ryan repeated. "Why?"

Dean winced. "The last time we hunted Amazons, I got lured in and had sex with one of them. Now, that won't be an issue, especially since I'll have you with me, Ryan. But, Sam, man, you're riding a long, dry spell..."

"I can keep it in my pants, unlike some people, Dean," he shot back.

Dean held up a hand. "I know. But, I, uh, I kinda wanna take Ryan. Is that cool?"

The brothers exchanged another glance and Sam smiled. "You could have just led with that."

Dean shrugged. "That's not my style."

Ryan watched the two of them closely. "So...wait...seriously? You want me to hunt with you?"

Dean nodded. "If, Allard would be willing to hang out and help with the munchkins."

Tory grinned. "Are you kidding? I'd love to! And, hey, maybe I'll deflower Sam while you're gone."

A look of terror passed on Sam's face, causing Ryan to chuckle. "Tor, if he's not interested, he's not interested." She snagged Sam's hand from across the table. "Remember, 'no means no' Sam. Stay strong"

"Bite me, Ryan," he growled under his breath.

She couldn't seem to keep the smile off her face. "Man, I can't believe it. Finally. A hunt. Well, I guess it's a better birthday present than I was going to give you, Dean."

He thought of what they'd just done on the mat in the gym. "Oh, no, I want that, too."

She winked. "You always get that."

They left the next morning. Dean could almost see the excitement coming out of Ryan's pores as she bounced on the seat. With going back to finish the job, she'd told him it might be smart to drive a car other than the Impala. He hadn't been thrilled, but again, he knew she was right. It made sense. If they were to have even the smallest chance of surprise on this coven, gaggle, whatever the hell you called a group of Amazons, this would be it.

"You sure you'll recognize her?" Ryan asked as she hauled ass down the road toward Aspen, Colorado.

Dean bit back the comment he really wanted to say, about how just because he was a damn manwhore, didn't mean he didn't remember a chick he'd had a kid with. He realized that one might come back to bite him in the ass. Instead, he went with, "Yeah. I've got a decent memory and it wasn't that long ago..."

She nodded and drummed her thumbs on the steering wheel.

There was silence in the car, and it was choking him. "Spit it out, okay?"

She blinked and looked at him. "What?"

"Whatever it is you're thinking."

She blinked again and her brows furrowed. "I'm excited for a hunt. That's it. Why?"

"Because...because this is cleaning up my mess...I screwed up...I had sex with this chick...where do you want me to start?"

She blew out a breath and glanced at him again. "Look, Dean, I know you. I know what kind of person you are. And I know what your idea of fun was. This...it doesn't bother me. I mean, well, hell, shit happens. And this whole thing...it's three shades of fucked up. I mean, all of it. The chick, the kid, how things went down...none of it's good. But it's not your fault."

Why wasn't she blaming him? He's the one that screwed this up. "It is my fault."

She huffed out another breath and shook her head. "I think we need to get you in with a shrink. The world isn't flat. It's not your fault. There is gravity. That ain't your fault either. You saw a hot chick and had sex with her. That's not a crime, sugar. Now, if you did it and cheated on me, I'd cut your dick off, but I know you won't do that, so, yep, not finding any blame to lay at your feet. They were smarter than you and Sam, but then again, they'd had a long ass time to hide and shit. So, nope, not blaming you for anything."

He just stared at her. "Seriously?"

She bit her lip. "Dean...when I read the gospel pertaining to this...by the time I'd read about it, I was already really freaking pregnant with Bobby. I read between the lines...you were willing to be there for that girl, to get her out of the life...you wanted..." She sighed. "I saw how much you wanted family. I mean, you were fresh off Bobby's death, it hadn't been that long before, you'd had the thing with Ben and Lisa, you thought Cas was dead...you were adrift. And then, Sam...I don't..." she shook her head. "I don't know if Sam was really looking out for you or if he wanted to hurt you when he killed her. I don't think even he knew at the time." She shrugged. "But, it's in the past. Now, we go clean it up, fix it." She smiled at him. "That's my job, as your fiancee, to help you fix it."

He smiled at her. He was figuring she'd be mad, but she just loved him. It was humbling, it really was. "Thanks, Ryan."

She winked and turned the radio up a little louder as a new song came on.

* * *

He rolled into town hours later. They'd switched somewhere at the state line and Ryan had been busy looking on the web. Wifi was splotchy and he was enjoying her cursing at the laptop anytime a page refused to load. "You know, Sam needs to look at your computer. He always has wifi."

"Yeah, it probably beams down through that mane of hair of his," she growled as she stomped her foot on the floorboard. "Damn it! How much longer?"

"We're here."

She glanced around and nodded. "Good. I want to check out something and I need my fucking wifi to work, damn it."

He held in a chuckle. When she got mad, it was better to just let her rail. That one, he'd at least already learned. He pulled them into a motel and she snapped the computer shut. "I'll go get us a room."

"Get another with a king bed!" he called after her as she shut the door. He did like that king bed. He seriously needed to talk her into getting a bigger one for their bedroom.

Ryan came back shortly and tossed him a key. "Room three oh five," she told him. She grinned. "I got us one with a jacuzzi."

He just looked at her and grinned. "You're evil."

She shrugged. "I know."

"I love you."

She smirked. "Knew that, too."

He chuckled and drove them to the appropriate room. They gathered their bags and he slid the key in the lock. The door swung wide and he just stopped. "Holy shit."

The whole room was done in cherubs and hearts. "Are you kidding me?!" Ryan growled. "I don't remember asking for this shit. I demand a refund."

Dean chortled. "It's fine."

She glanced around and swallowed. "Okay, so, another fun fact about me? I don't like figurines. These cherubs are okay, I guess...but I'm really terrified of gargoyles, have been since I was a child. I don't...I'm not sure I can handle this, Dee."

His brows furrowed. Wow. You think you know someone, they take you by surprise. "Hey, it's cool. We can go find another room..."

She shook her head. "We need to sit down, figure out a plan." She glanced around balefully and squared her shoulders. "Guess I'll just have to nut up and be a man."

Dean snorted. "Please, I don't swing that way. Don't be a man."

She shot him a glare before her lips quirked. "Fine. I'll be the chick. But just this once." She moved to him and ran a hand up his chest. "Will you...would you protect me from these little winged rats?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

She reached up and pecked him on the cheek before she took her laptop to the table and began unloading her paperwork. He glanced around the room. There were little cherubs fucking everywhere. "I'm guessing they don't know cupids don't really look like this?"

"Neither do baby angels," she replied as she sat and began logging on.

He felt like one of the things was staring at him. Maybe she was right to be a little...concerned about them. He glanced around and saw a trash can. He picked it up and snagged the bag out of it before he started walking around the room, picking up anything with a face on it and shoving it in the bag.

"Dean?"

He didn't answer. He just moved every figurine, even the ones hanging from the wall, until the room was picked over. He put the trash bag in the closet, poured a line of salt across the floor in front of the door, and shoved the dresser in front of it as well.

He glanced over at Ryan to find her watching him. "What?" he asked her. "You're scared of the things. Figured I'd be...proactive."

She gave him a blinding smile and almost knocked him down as she tackle-hugged him. "You're the best, you know that?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, well..."

She kissed him soundly and then the kiss turned hotter. His hands circled her, one going to her ass, one, to her hair. He pulled her head back and began nibbling at her neck. "We need to stop," he panted.

"Fuck it. I concentrate better post orgasm," she told him.

He couldn't find an argument in that.

* * *

Later, he walked out of the bathroom drying his hair. She'd showered first, shutting and locking the door, demanding he call in food for their supper. "How goes the research?" he asked.

She was chewing on her pinkie fingernail, a sign she was concentrating. "I've got Sam looking into a few things via the bunker. You didn't have it last time you went up against the Amazons. He's checking into the goddess they worship." She bit her lip. "He's, uh, he's also going to ask Hope to pick her brain, see if she can remember anything about Harmonia."

"That's probably smart. I mean, we've got a chick that lived through the Greek God days. May as well use her memories if we can. We could try calling Gabriel, ask him...?"

Ryan shook her head. "He makes it sound like he doesn't want to invade our lives, screw with the timeline too much...we should respect that. He's trying to keep us in the good. We need to try and do things on our own."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, guess you're right." He sat down across from her. "So? We know they're stronger than us, but they're easy enough to kill. Stabbing, shooting," he shrugged. "So, we just go in, guns blazing, take out the whole joint, right?"

"Is it? Is that the right play?"

"What do you mean?"

She sighed. "I just keep thinking about the girl. Do you think you could have...could she have been redeemed? Shouldn't we try to save any of them we can?"

Dean thought about that a moment. "That kid...I think...well, I hate to toot my own horn here, but I think because that kid was part Winchester, that's what made her second guess her monster nature. The rest? They ain't got it. So, I know it seems like we shouldn't kill all of them, but they're being brainwashed, Ryan. And you can't come back from that. Not the way they're being brainwashed."

She looked down at the table. "You're right. I just...as a mother, I'm so irrationally angry at them. They're teaching their kids to be machines and I just..."

"I know," he told her as he reached across the table to grab her hand. "I know, Ryan."

"They hurt you," she all but whispered. "They dangled something in front of your face and it got snatched away from you and for that, they'll burn."

It was the first time he'd seen pure hatred in her eyes, heard it dripping from her voice. And in that instant, he saw it, the cold, calculation of a hunter within Ryan. But he saw that flash of inhumanity he, too, had. It was frightening and a turn on at the same time. Ryan had the ability to be just as bad as him. The sadistic side of him liked that, even as it scared him, just the tiniest bit. Cas had said she was completely human now. He believed the angel, but maybe it wouldn't hurt for him to check them both over, make sure there was no more demon in them, just to be on the safe side.

Just then, Ryan's phone rang, jarring him out of his musings. It was "Superheroes," Sam's ringtone on Ryan's phone. It was an interesting choice for his brother, but he'd come to accept Sam and Ryan's relationship. Besides, Dean's ringtone on Ryan's phone was "Holy Water" and he loved the shit out of that. Hope's was "In My Daughter's Eyes" and Krissy's was "I Lived" by One Republic.

Ryan punched the button on her phone. "Sam? Yeah? What'cha got?"

Dean heard a knock at the door and walked to get their food while Ryan talked to Sam. He paid the kid, tipping him generously, and walked back to Ryan as she sat rubbing her temples. He handed her one of the soft drinks and she sipped it thoughtfully.

"Bad news?"

She shook her head. "Not really. Hope doesn't remember anything specifically about Harmonia. She's going to dive into some history books, see if it will jar her memory. And Sam hasn't found anything about the Amazons in the bunker outside of a random entry by one young man...seems he may have fathered an amazon, too."

"Really? Interesting. And he lived to tell the tale?" Dean inquired as he bit into his burger.

Ryan nodded. "For a while, anyway. His name was Alexander. His younger brother, Nicholas, killed the child."

"Sounds like history repeated itself," Dean mused.

"You don't know the half of it. Their last name was Campbell."

Dean choked. "What?"

She nodded. "1892, London. They were working a case there. Apparently one of your ancestors had an issue with the Amazons as well."

"Whoa."

She nodded. "Yeah. Looks like they managed to kill the kid, but the rest of them fled, realizing hunters were after them."

"Yep, definitely history repeating itself."

Ryan looked up at him. "I don't...Dean, without a whole crew, I don't know how we're going to exterminate them."

"You wanna walk away?"

She shook her head. "Not walk away, but I think...I think we need to be smart about this."

"They're killing people, Ryan!"

"I know that! I just..." She blew out a breath. "I'm all for killing monsters, Dean. And I don't mind going into a dangerous situation. But this...they're strong and vastly outnumber us. We don't have a clue how many of them there are."

"So? We take out the ones we can!"

"And what? They'll just make more."

"Any we can kill is less for them to have to kill more people."

"It's like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, Dean."

"Yeah? Well at least it's stopping some of the bleeding."

She didn't come back with a reply. Instead she rubbed her temples. "You're right. We need to kill as many of them as we can. I just don't want you getting hurt."

His eyes widened. "Me?"

She nodded. "Sam found out a bit more of the lore...found out more about Alexander. When he got away and they killed the kid...they went on hunting. A couple of years passed, and Alexander vanished one night. By the time Nicolas had found him...he'd been used up. It...the Amazons kidnapped him. They used him for years as a sperm machine. They raped him over and over until he'd fathered over one hundred kids."

Suddenly, the burger in Dean's stomach began to twist. "You're...seriously?"

She nodded. "I want...I want Tory to join us, okay? Sam can handle the kids for a day or two. I just...if there's the slightest chance they could get you..."

"I'm not a damsel in distress, Ryan," he reminded her.

She nodded. "I know. But if there's a chance they take you for vengeance? Use you like that? No. I won't...I can't..."

He saw she was close to losing it. He stood and went to her, kneeling in front of her. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here, Ry. I promise. I'm good."

"I just don't want you near them, Dean. They are probably mad and if they find you..."

He nodded. "We'll be careful. I promise."

"I can't lose you," she whispered as the tears tracked their way down her face. "I can't."

"You won't lose me. Alex didn't have an angel on speed dial, remember? And I've got two. It'll be fine."

"Promise?" she all but whispered.

He nodded. "I promise. Now, you need to eat. Did you get a lead on where they may be?"

She nodded as she picked up a fry, chewing it thoughtfully. "It's an old ski chalet, abandoned. It got picked up at auction last year. A group of women live there, supposedly it's a halfway house for battered women, but they don't take local women. I don't...I don't know what they're doing. What's their play? Is it all just a ruse? I can't begin to imagine..."

"They usually don't all live together. So they're either closing ranks, or they've had a shift in their thinking."

"Do you think, instead of like how they did in Seattle, they're kidnapping guys, using them?"

"A ski lodge out in the middle of nowhere where no one can hear you scream?" he wondered aloud.

She winced. "We need to get in that chalet."

"We need to recon it, first," he told her. When she just looked at him, he shrugged. "What? We need to do come reconnaissance, stakeout the place."

"How? They're on the side of a damn mountain."

He just smirked. "How do you feel about going in wearing camouflage?"

She just frowned.

* * *

"This sucks," she groused softly as she followed behind him. They'd bought white-out gear from the army surplus store, they were armed to the teeth with guns, and just for grins and giggles, Dean had brought along his sniper rifle.

"Suck it up, buttercup," he told her with a grin.

"You know," she panted, "I'm a runner, not a mountain climber."

"Don't break a nail, princess," he chided.

"Fuck you," she spat as she climbed ahead of him. They weren't actually scaling the mountain, but they were hiking through snow that was almost to his waist. It was less than fun. The hill opposite the ski lodge was abandoned, so that meant the snow was powder soft and damn near impossible to walk through. Luckily, he'd also thought to snag a couple pairs of snowshoes, which made it a bit easier, but still a pain in the ass.

He grinned at her back and continued walking. "This is fun. I've never gone snowshoeing. We should get the kids and come back after the monsters are gone. I bet Hope would love to ski and Bobby would love to play in all this snow."

She paused and smiled back at him.

"What?"

She shook her head. "I love you. Sorry for being a bitch."

He shrugged. "You're not a mountain climber. I'll make sure to write that on your tombstone."

She rolled her eyes. "Ass," she hissed, but there was no anger coloring her words. "Shit, it's cold. Wonder why they want to be up here? Dude, I'd be finding guys in New Orleans this time of year."

Dean smirked. "Wasn't it about this time of year we conceived Hope?"

She threw her hands out wide. "Exactly my point! Though it was over Mardi Gras, so it was like, February or early March if memory serves."

Dean snorted. "Guess they're finding a way to keep warm this winter..."

She glared at him.

"Okay. Not funny," he told her. "But still...you get cold, I'd be glad to do ya against a tree, babe."

"You're so thoughtful," she told him as she reached the top of the hill and stopped. "There it is."

He walked up behind her and stared. "It isn't much to look at."

"What? Did you want a neon sign declaring it was an Amazon sex den?"

"It would make things easier, yes."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's get settled in."

They got situated and Ryan dug out her long-range binoculars. "I count five women so far. I don't see any little kids."

"Maybe it's the wrong time of day?" Dean supplied as he pulled out his own binoculars.

"Maybe they aren't trying to take over the world, one Amazon at a time?" she shot back.

He chuckled. "Can you imagine? I mean, seriously? Think about it...They could, you know? That's some scary shit."

"I think I read a fanfiction about that one time," she commented as she continued to scan the area.

"Fanfiction...of what?"

She shrugged. "I don't remember. It was on the internet. It was a story about how Amazons would lure men in then keep them as sex slaves. They were on a separate island and were only used for service. It was disturbing to me, so I didn't finish it."

He could imagine how that might bother her, but he really wanted to know more. Ryan was a complex person. Sometimes, she seemed so open and ready to try anything sex-wise, then he would mention one thing and he could all but see the fear in her eyes as she politely declined the offer. He was having trouble figuring her out. Then what little he'd overheard in her talk with Sam that one night in addition to what he already knew about what happened to her when she was eleven..."Can we talk about that?"

"What?"

"What bothers you, what it is that sets you off? I mean, I don't know how to ask, but, I mean...I know about your past, you told me. And I respect your boundaries, babe, I just wanna know more about what I should avoid."

She sucked in a breath, put down her binoculars and looked at him. "Honestly? I can't tell you. I mean, usually it's not reading things. I mean, I've read BDSM stuff, just to see if it bothered me, and it didn't. Hell, my best friend is a Domme for crying out loud! Now, I don't have any desire to be tied up...that's...that scares the shit out of me, just thinking about it. I literally start to panic at the thoughts of being bound or gagged, but..." she blew out a breath. "Tory thinks I need to see a sex therapist."

"Babe, I'm pretty sure you're okay in that area."

She chortled. "Yeah, I thought so, too, but she thinks I'm not normal. News flash; I ain't never been normal. But I get it, I guess. And had we not hooked up, maybe I'd have considered it, but for now, isn't what we've got good?"

"It's great, babe, you know that. I just...you mentioned reading that story, and then the flip out you had over the movie coming out..."

She winced. "Yeah, sorry about that. I called Jody and apologized. She didn't think there was anything wrong with it. I mean, I read the books, as trashy as they are, but I don't think I can sit through watching someone being tied up. I can't...I can't watch kink porn for the same reason."

"Hey, it's you, babe, and that's fine. You don't wanna do that shit? I don't care. You're game for anything else."

She smiled. "You know...I could probably tie you up, if you'd like for me to."

He thought about that for a moment. "Maybe. Not sure I have that personality, but maybe."

She slid over to him and gave him a soft kiss. "You're the only man I trust to go there, Dean. If...if I ever get ready, for stuff like that, I promise, I'll let you try it."

"You don't have to. I really don't care about that shit either way."

She nodded. "I know. But maybe I'd like to be...daring."

"Sweetheart, your ass is on the side of a mountain. You're about to go in, guns blazing, to kill a group of warrior women. And you don't think you're daring? We need to buy you a dictionary."

She laughed throatily. "So noted." She kissed him again. "I love you, baby."

"Love you, too. Now, let's research these bitches. My ass is getting cold."

She nodded and they resumed their stakeout.

Three hours, two thermoses of coffee, and beginning to feel cross-eyed, later, they had their info. "So, we'll go in tomorrow night, right?" Ryan asked as they made their way across the parking lot, back to the car. They'd stripped out of their whiteout gear and were now just in heavy ski clothes to keep them warm.

Dean nodded. They were going to call Jody and Annie to come down, watch the kids, so Sam and Tory could join them. It wasn't ideal, but this was a big ass nest. Group. Gaggle. What the fuck _were _a group of Amazon's called? "It makes the most sense. I mean, the house is secure, but not overly so. I guess they didn't think me and Sammy would be that much of a threat..."

She smirked. "Well, I mean, I don't think they look at men that way."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugged. "They look at men as good for one thing. They're well known for their practice of misandry. They hate men in general. Look at their kills. It's brutal and degrading and they do it for sick pleasure as a way to initiate the girls into their tribe. It's disgusting. I mean, people complain about misogynists every day, but no one talks about how some women truly hate men."

He just looked at her. He'd never realized just how freaking _smart _she was. He grinned. "Damn, I love how smart you are."

She giggled. "Come on. I'm frozen. I wanna warm up in that jacuzzi, then have you warm me up in other ways."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Yes ma'am."

They rode in companionable silence and he watched her as she drove. He hadn't seen Lydia while they'd surveyed the house, but he knew she had to be there, somewhere. That made him think about the girl; his girl. Emma was her name. He'd had to bury her in the back of his brain, just like Ben, but now, she was floating to the surface. She didn't look much like him, but he supposed that was the Amazon way. All of them looked like their mothers. She was a carbon copy of Lydia. He had tried to find her, in Purgatory, but the Amazons stayed to themselves. He hadn't been able to find them. And honestly, once the Leviathans started hunting his ass down, he hadn't wanted to find her. He didn't need to worry about her being hurt by those...things. He couldn't protect her, so, wasn't staying away from her the smart thing to do? He used to be adamant in this. Now, he wasn't so sure.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ryan asked softly as they pulled into the motel.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. Something. Spill."

He blew out a breath. "Just...I was thinking about the girl."

Ryan blinked. "Emma?"

It hurt to hear her name, but he nodded. "Yeah. I didn't...I didn't look for her, in Purgatory. I wanted to keep her safe. If the Leviathans didn't know she existed, didn't know where she was, she would be safe, well, as safe as someone is in Purgatory..."

"But now you're starting to wonder about her."

"Yeah. I am."

"Sounds natural."

"It isn't weird?"

She shrugged as she killed the engine and snagged the keys, putting them in her coat pocket. "I think anything you feel should be explored. You aren't used to feeling your feelings. You bury them. Think about them, feel them, Dean."

"You sound like a therapist right now."

She stared out the windshield a moment and sighed. "I saw enough of them, I practically have my medical degree. Just...think about her, okay? Maybe...maybe we need to take a day trip to Purgatory."

"I don't want you in that place, Ryan."

"I went," she told him softly.

"What?"

She nodded. "In the other timeline...Gabriel gave me the vision. It was the first time my eyes turned black, the first true time I started to turn. He wanted me to know, I guess. I was there, in Purgatory, with Gabriel, Sam, Benny, I've been there before. It's as beautiful as it is deadly."

"Benny said it was paradise."

"It should be. It's the garden of Eden."

"What?"

She nodded. "Gabriel used to talk about Purgatory, when he was...taking up residence in me. I don't know if I remembered it before or not, but I do now. It just occurred to me. Eve is the same Eve...our ancestor. Becoming the mother of monsters was her punishment for listening to Lucifer in the first place."

"Harsh."

"Was it? I don't know. Maybe. It's not my place to judge."

"So..." He had a million questions. It hadn't occurred to him that Ryan had quite a few answers tucked in her head. But now wasn't the time. He shook his head. "I don't wanna talk about that place right now, okay?"

She nodded and smiled before she leaned over to kiss him. "Come light my fire, baby. Warm me up."

At that, he smirked. "My pleasure."

* * *

Dean woke with a start. He wasn't sure what it was, but something woke him. He looked at Ryan, asleep and drooling slightly into her pillow. She wore a night guard because she had been known to clench her jaw when she slept, so, she wore a guard over her lower teeth to protect them. It was something about her he found humorous, but at the same time, endearing. Another chink in her armor.

He stood and walked to the small fridge to snag some water. He'd kill for a beer, but they'd stayed in researching, planning their attack on the building. Tory and Sam were driving up through the night. He and Ryan had stayed up late working on contingency plans. Ryan had managed to find a slightly outdated blueprint of the house online and they could only hope the Amazons hadn't gutted it and changed everything.

He drank his water and that's when he felt it...the tip of the knife to his back, digging in just enough to puncture the skin. "Don't do anything stupid, Dean, and I won't kill the woman."

His mouth went dry as he sat the water bottle down. "Don't do this."

"Don't...don't kill you? After you killed my baby girl?"

He'd figured that's who it was. "Lydia...I didn't kill her. I didn't wanna kill her. Sam..."

"Don't worry, he's on my list, too. Do you know how hard it was to get away from them so I could come after you? Do you know what I've done? How hard this has been for me? You may have forgotten her, but she was my first born! She and I were supposed to..." She let out a sob and he tried to move but she pushed the knife a bit more and he felt the wet slide of blood run down his skin and his nerve endings screamed as the knife slid home.

"Stay still," she commanded in a quiet, deadly tone.

"Okay, okay, just...I get it. You wanna kill me, do. I deserve it. Not for you, because I didn't do anything wrong there, but I deserve it for a million different things. So, kill me. That's fine. But leave the woman alone."

"Oh, you care for her, don't you?"

"She's my...she's my soul mate. I love her."

"Ah, how sweet."

"Lydia, don't do this, okay? Just...kill me if you want, but then walk away."

She turned them so they were facing the bed. "What prevents me from going and stabbing her after I finish with you?"

"She's a mom, too, Lydia. She's got three kids at home and one she's adopted in. Don't...don't let them be without a mother."

"She's a hunter!" she seethed quietly.

"Yeah, but I...let me write a note. Take me out of here. Just...don't kill her."

"I didn't think you were capable of love, Dean. I'm surprised."

"Yeah, amazing what a few years will do to someone. Please? I'm not above begging for her life here, okay?"

"So I see," she mused. She twisted the knife slightly and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out. "Well, at least I spared you the trouble of having to take out our order."

"What do you mean?" he panted.

"Do you know what Moira said to me? When we found out Emma had died? Been murdered? She said, 'That is alright, my child. You will have others.' Like Emma didn't even matter! Well, she mattered to me!"

She cracked Dean on the head and he fell to his knees, the knife still in his flesh as she also went to her knees behind him. "I'm going to kill you slow, Dean," she purred menacingly into his ear. "And then I'm going to wait. Your brother isn't far behind, is he? I'll wait and then, when he comes, I'll finish him off, too."

"Not gonna happen," Ryan stated loudly from where she now stood beside the bed, her gun in her hand, pointed right at them.

"You won't shoot me. You might hit him."

Ryan shrugged. "I might. But I'm a hell of a shot. You wanna take that chance?"

Lydia moved slightly so she was more behind Dean. "This isn't about you, woman. Leave and let us hash out our differences."

"Wrong. This may not be about me, but I'm right in the thick of it. That's my man you're holding a knife to. Let him go. Now."

"Or what?"

"Or we find out how pretty your face looks with a bullet hole in it."

Lydia chuckled. "Well, she is spirited, I give her that. I'm sorry, I can not allow that to happen."

Ryan was quiet a moment. "Hey, babe? Remember the gym a few days ago?"

He swallowed as Lydia twisted the knife more, this time, sliding it up his side and his body almost shut down as the pain assaulted him. He didn't know what she hit in there, but it hurt like a motherfucker. "Yeah?" He licked his dry lips. "Why?"

"Remember El Paso?"

He blinked as he remembered her telling him about how she and Tory had been in a stand-off against a witch, how he'd used Ryan as a shield. How she had twisted away just as Tory fired the shot that killed him, her arm getting grazed by the bullet as she went down. "It was a good time," he muttered.

She nodded and gave him just the slightest hint of a smile.

Three things happened simultaneously; Dean twisted toward the floor, pulled the knife out of his body as Lydia ripped it from his flesh, throwing it at Ryan, and Ryan fired a shot at Lydia.

Dean hit the floor and groaned. Blood was flowing now. He heard a thump behind him and sent up a prayer it was Lydia's dead body as he heard Ryan curse.

He managed to turn toward her in time to see the knife buried in her shoulder. "Son of a bitch. That whore!" she growled as she left it in place and ran over to Dean. "Dean! Are you okay?"

"I...ungh," he managed before the sweet bliss of unconsciousness enveloped him.

* * *

Dean woke to find light streaming in the room. "Thank God you're awake," Ryan murmured. He looked at her. She had her arm in a sling and he could see tape running up her neck.

"You okay?" he managed gruffly.

She nodded. "Better than you. She nicked something in there, but I got the bleeding stopped. I stitched you up. Thank God she didn't aim a little more toward the left. You could have been paralyzed."

"And you could have been dead," he told her as he reached up to touch her shoulder. "She got you, too."

Ryan blew out a breath. "Well, one can never account for crazy mothers. We fuck you up like nobody's business."

Just then, the door opened. Sam and Tory came in. "She was telling the truth. It looks like a massacre up there. I don't...I don't know how she managed to kill that many women. They're all warriors."

"Ryan could do it," Dean told them. "If someone hurt our kids? Damn straight she could. Don't ever underestimate the power of a pissed off woman, Sammy."

Ryan smiled at that. "Yeah, well, now I guess we can go home."

"Thank God," Dean muttered. "I've seen enough snow and Amazons for a while."

"Tor, would you check him again?" Ryan asked.

Tory nodded. "Sure."

Dean eyed her sceptically. "Why?"

"Because, she was premed. She knows her way around your anatomy."

Tory smirked. "Yeah, well, I know a lot about your lower anatomy as well..."

"I'm completely okay down south, Tory," he told her.

She sighed. "Fine. I'll just check the knife wound," she told him.

He watched her wash her hands in the sink and walk over, drying them on the towel as she came toward him. It was the first time Dean had noticed how small Tory's hands were. Odd thing to realize.

"Did you give me something?" he asked as she looked him over, probing gently. He wasn't in any pain, just feeling a bit loopy.

Ryan nodded. "I keep morphine in my hunting bag."

"Fuck. Thanks. I think."

Tory chuckled and nodded at the wound. "Nice stitching, Ryan, just like I taught you."

"Bobby taught me how to stitch."

"But I showed you how to do it better."

Ryan smiled and inclined her head. "Yeah, okay, you did."

"So, we're done here?" Sam asked.

Ryan shrugged. "If the house is dead, Lydia was the last one that we know of here. Of course, I'm sure they're not the only order of Amazons, but this one, at least, has been demolished."

"Okay. You two rest from your wounds, then come home in a few days, alright?"

"You're going to turn and burn?" Ryan inquired.

Sam nodded. "As long as you two are okay, Tory and I will go back to hang out with the kids."

"That's...nice, Sam."

He smiled. "Just don't ask me to babysit anytime soon, alright?"

"Deal," Ryan stated with a chuckle.

"Glad you're okay," Sam told him.

Dean nodded as he felt that fuzzy feeling coming back. Had Ryan dosed him again? Not that he cared. He wouldn't mind riding this bliss for a little while longer. He felt himself falling further into the pillow. "Yeah, me too, man, me too."

When he woke, it was dark outside. Ryan was propped up on the other side of the bed, reading on her tablet. "Hey."

She jumped slightly then smiled over at him. "Hey, babe. How you feeling?"

"Hungover."

She chortled. "Yeah, well, Tory gave you something else. I didn't ask. I figured you could handle it. She's the person you wanna go to if you want drugs. Not that she takes them, all the time, anyway, but she can get you blissed out of your head."

"And yet, you're still friends with her? Even though you have addictions?"

She thought about that a moment. "It's kind of like in that one book I read...the person carried around a cigarette to represent his cancer. She _could _get me the drugs, but she knows my addictions and I know my addictions, so, she doesn't give them to me. And since the kids...I don't think there's been a time I've even wanted them. Even at my lowest points of depression since the kids, which hasn't been that bad, comparatively, I haven't wanted to do the drugs. I think Gabriel may have fixed that part of my thought process. He fixed a few things inside my head while he was taking up residence."

"But not the depression?"

She thought about that. "I don't think anything can take that away. It's...it's hardwired into you. You just have to move past it on its own. Now, I'm sure he helped me that one time, before college. He definitely juiced me a little bit, but as far as taking it away completely? No. He didn't. Couldn't, probably."

Dean nodded. He didn't fully understand it, but he got it. Not that he even made any sense to himself, but he understood her well enough to know how much she wanted to be better. If she coudln't be better, it was because of the depression itself, not anything on her. And that made him realize what a monster depression really was. Not even an angel of the lord could help. It truly was something you had to do, had to overcome, on your own. Or sink into its depths forever. It was a demon you couldn't exorcise. The thought was frankly horrifying.

He shook off his morose thoughts and looked at her. She had her sling on and had changed into some tiny pajamas so he could easily see the large bandage covering her shoulder. "You talk about me, but an inch or two to the right..." He swallowed hard. He didn't want to think about that monster (because that was what Lydia had become, truly) could have done to her.

"I'm fine, babe. You, however, scared the crap out of me. You lost a lot of blood all over the floor over there. Tory and Sam managed to come in after I'd sewn you up, but I was freaking out brilliantly. I called and talked to Tory all the way until they burst in the room. I..." her voice cracked. "My hands were covered in your blood, Dean. I was so afraid..."

He managed, with considerable pain, to scoot to a sitting position and wrap his arm around her as she began to sob. "Hey, I'm here, Ryan, so are you..."

"I was so scared," she admitted when she calmed down.

He smiled. "Hey, we make a pretty damn good team. I mean, we both lived. We killed the monster..."

She took a stuttering breath. "Yeah, you're right. I just...it was...scary."

"Well, hell, that's usually most of my jobs. I've yet to have one be simple."

She giggled at that. "I know what you mean."

He pulled her closer and just held her a few moments. He glanced down at her hands to find her toying with her ring. "Hey, we need to set a date, right?"

She blinked and looked up at him. "What?"

"A date. For the wedding."

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. I, uh, I want Tory, Andy, and Jody there."

His nose curled at the thought of Andy. He knew what she looked like from the memories Gabriel had given him. He wasn't sure he...

"Stop it."

"What?"

She glared at him. "Stop it. Andy is _not _Ruby."

"Did I say she was?"

"You were thinking about it."

She got him there. "Fine. But we gotta tell Sam. This is...this is gonna mess with his head."

She snorted and he heard her say under her breath, "You don't know the half of it." She cleared her throat and pulled up the calendar on her tablet. "Okay. When you wanna do this?"

He thought a moment. "Well, today is January Twenty-Fourth..."

"Oh! Happy Birthday, by the way."

He chuckled. "Thanks. Hell of a birthday. Knife wound to the back. Awesome." She giggled a little, causing him to smile. "So, let's see...would it be...how quick can you put together the wedding of your dreams?"

She thought about that a moment. "Honest to God, I've never thought about actually having a wedding, Dean. Like...I never, ever, in a million years thought I would be in a wedding of my own."

"Seriously?"

She blew out a breath. "Dean, I was gang raped by demons when I was eleven. I became a hunter at twenty one. I was given a charge by an angel of the lord at twenty six. Trust me...I never, ever thought I'd be getting married." She smiled. "Least of all to the man of my dreams."

He bent to kiss her lips. "Well, you are. So deal with it."

She smiled and bit her lip. "I don't...I don't know what I want."

"Well, be thinking about it. I'd like..." he snagged the tablet from her, ignoring the burn of pain in his side and flipped through the next few months. The fourth of July was on a Saturday this year. "Think Bobby would mind if we got married on his birthday?"

"Would we have two cakes?"

His brow furrowed. "Huh?"

"One for him, one for the wedding. It's a question he would ask."

"As long as we have someone else make them so you don't put too much stress on yourself, yes."

She pondered over it a moment. "I can probably get everything planned by then. Andy will be back from Peru by then...the kids will be out of school...sounds perfect, babe."

"Good. Sold. Now..." he said as he sat the tablet on the table. "I need to give you some attention..."

"Dean, we're both injured here. Do you really think...?"

He smiled. "I think I've got two hands that work and you've got one. We can make this happen."

She laughed throatily. "You're insatiable."

"For you? Damn right." He bent to press his lips to hers.


	43. Take My Breath Away

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supernatural...but I'm hella excited for season eleven!**

**AN: Hi all! Nope, I didn't die. I'm back from vacation. Not quite as relaxed as I'd like to be, but when you take a four year old on an airplane...well...what do you expect, right?**

**So, I didn't get a lot of writing done, BUT I did get another installment of The Sexcapades of Squirrel done. If you aren't reading that one, I'm already posting, so pop over to my author's page, give it a go! All sex, some plot, with various women along the road. ****This chapter...I hope you guys are cool with the story taking its time to unravel. Daddy!Dean has a lot to show, as does Husband!Dean, so just stick with him. He's got a lot to learn, but then, so does Ryan, as well as everyone else. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Dean POV**

**April Sixth **

Dean was walking past Hope's room when he heard a song that caught his attention. Hope was still pouting because Krissy had taken the spring break and gone on a hunt with Tory. Ryan had put her foot down about Hope hunting. They knew it was just a matter of time before the kid was ready, and her angel grace was still developing, but Ryan hadn't wanted her to go out just yet and Dean was in one hundred percent agreement with her about it. Hope was a hell of a fighter, angel or no, but he wasn't ready to see his little girl go face off against a monster. Not yet. He contemplated giving her a little space, but the banjos coming from her room at ear-blistering level was making him curious.

He stepped inside and flipped the volume down. "What'cha listening to?"

She shot him a glare. "Country music."

"So I gathered," he commented as he sat on her bed. "You know, we could go to the bunker, work on your shooting..."

"Nope."

He sighed. "Look, Hope, I know you're angry..."

"I'm frustrated!" she cried in an awesome imitation of her mother, her anger making the pictures on the walls rattle. Her grace was growing, and occasionally, when she got angry, it was hard for her to control. "I'm so frustrated. I've got angel grace! You and Uncle Sam started hunting before me and you were both normal humans, Daddy! Why can't I go?!"

It tore at his heartstrings, but he knew this was for the best. "This summer, okay? Your mom and I will take you on a hunt this summer. We talked about this. It's only a few more months. What's a few months going to make a difference about? Just...finish the school year, okay?"

She snapped her fingers and the music started blaring again.

His eyes narrowed and he reached over and turned it back down. "Sulking doesn't solve anything. Neither does the silent treatment you're giving your mom."

"Makes me feel better," she growled as she moved her hand again.

Dean grabbed it. "You snap those fingers again, I'mma break that hand and then I'll make sure you don't hunt until _next _summer."

She glared again before she let out another growl. The shock-wave of her little temper tantrum caused the empty glass on her desk to burst.

He just shot her a look, eyebrow raised almost to his hairline. "You done?"

She sucked in a breath, then blew it out of her nose. "Yeah."

He nodded. "Good. Now get over it. Suck it up and deal with it, Winchester."

She didn't look at him. Instead, she said in the direction of the window, "I thought you'd be on my side."

His shoulders slumped at that. "I'm not on anyone's side, Hope. I just...the things I saw, the things I did, when I was your age? I just...I know you're an angel. I know you've seen some wicked stuff, but I can't help but want to protect you. That's my right as your father."

She bit her lip and nodded. "Okay. I guess...maybe you're right."

He smiled. "You wanna let your mom know I'm right about something?"

She grinned. "Never."

He let out a belly laugh. "Fine. Be that way." He glanced at her stereo. "So? What'cha listening to?" he asked again.

"This is Keith Urban. I know you don't like country, but he's a heck of a guitarist."

"Is he now?"

She nodded and grabbed her laptop and pulled up a video. "This song is one of my favorites of his. It's an older one."

Dean turned so they could both watch it. It was catchy, he hated to admit, and it kind of reminded him of Ryan. It went off and he blinked. "Hope..."

She winced. "I know, it's not really your jam. I still love Led Zepp, Daddy, I just like this, too."

He chuckled. "I know, baby girl. But, uh, if I wanted to download this, put it on my phone, could you do that?"

Her brows furrowed. "You..._like _it?"

He shrugged. "I won't say I love it, but it...it reminds me of your mom. I kinda wanna make it my ringtone for her."

Hope giggled. "Dad. Please. You want a song for Mom like how Holy Water is her ringtone for you?"

He cleared his throat. He could remember like it was yesterday the things they'd done in the bunker's kitchen to that song. "Yeah, exactly."

She let out a snort. "Sure, Daddy, I can do that. But that's not the song you want."

"It isn't?"

She shook her head as she cued up another music video. "Nope. This one...this is the song you want..."

The beat started with drums and guitars wailing and Dean automatically liked it better than that other one. But then the words started, and it was perfect.

_**So many people gonna say that they want you**_

_**To try to get you thinking they really care**_

_**But there's nothing like the warmth of the one**_

_**Who has put in the time and you know is gonna be there**_

_**Back your border when she knows someone crossed it**_

_**Don't let nobody put you down, who you're with**_

_**Take the pain of protecting your name**_

_**From the crutch to the cane to the high wire**_

_**I'm in love with the girl who knows me better**_

_**Fell for the woman just when I met her**_

_**Took my sweet time when I was bitter**_

_**Someone understands**_

_**And she knows how to treat a fella right**_

_**Give me that feeling every night**_

_**Wants to make love when I wanna fight**_

_**Now someone understand me**_

_**I'm in love with a girl...**_

"Holy shit," he muttered as it went to an instrumental part of the song. It was perfect.

Hope smiled. "I know, right? Keep listening."

_**After many broken back doors and windows**_

_**Through the valley of the love of the lost**_

_**Is a hole that is cut through the souls **_

_**Falling down from the tones without leaving innuendos**_

_**But you found inner peace for the moment**_

_**The moment was over in time**_

_**Then its gone, the hit and run, the drifter's run has a short life**_

The chorus repeated and Dean blinked. It was absolutely the most perfect song in existence and it wasn't even a classic rock song.

_**Gonna tell you what you do to think you practice what you preach**_

_**Now I know there's nothing we can't reach**_

_**'Cause the heart can't erase once it finds a place to be warm and welcome**_

_**To be held in shelter**_

Dean just blinked in amazement. "Damn, girl. You're awesome."

She giggled. "Tell me something I don't know. Now, gimme your phone..." He pulled it from his pocket and she snapped it up, connecting it with a cord laying next to her on the bed. "I already have it downloaded. Every time I hear it, it makes me think of you and Mama. Lemme just hook you up, customize it for you..." Her tongue stuck between her teeth and he had to smile. He often did that when he was concentrating. A few minutes later, she handed the phone back to him. "There ya go."

He glanced at the phone. He had the feeling he'd be listening to this song more than a few times, especially if he and Sammy were out on a hunt and he couldn't be with Ryan. "Thanks, kid."

She grinned. "Just wait until Uncle Sam hears Mama call you. He's gonna give you crap for it, you know that, right?"

Dean smiled as he stood. "Yeah, but the funny thing about love? You tend not to care when people give you junk for it. You just do it."

Hope jumped up and hugged him. "I hope I find a man as good as you one day, Daddy."

He hugged her tightly. "I hope you find one way better."

She looked up at him and he noticed it wasn't that far for her to look. She'd grown again. "We'll just have to agree to disagree."

He chuckled. "Just like your mom."

"That ain't what she says."

Dean shrugged. "She's got her version, I got the truth."

* * *

**April Twenty First**

Dean looked around sneakily before he picked his phone up and dialed the number. "What'cha doing?" he heard behind him, causing him to jump.

"Damn it, Hope! Don't sneak up on your old man like that!"

Hope giggled. "Me and Kris finished our sprints, now we're going to work on our shooting, okay?"

He nodded as the phone was answered by a nasally sounding woman. "Ashten's on Broad. How may I help you?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. He was hoping he could make this call before he went home for the day. "Yes!" he all but shouted. "Thank you. I'd like to make a reservation..."

Hope did that thing angels do...it was weird when it was your own daughter, but her head tilted to the side and her brows furrowed. "What are you doing?!" she mouthed.

The woman on the phone stated, "We are booked for tonight. Do you have an alternate date in mind?"

He put a finger up to his lips and cleared his throat. "Yes, uh, no, I don't want tonight. I need Friday evening, seven o'clock? You got something then?"

"Of course, sir. How many?"

Hope's eyebrows had disappeared under the fringe of her dark hair as she blinked. "You're taking Mom out?" she mouthed and he ignored her.

"Two. And it's, uh, it's her birthday, so..."

"Of course, sir. I will add it to your reservation. If you wish for the bottle of birthday champagne is a basic quality at an additional sixty dollars a bottle. However, if you wish for something a bit more elegant, we have a full wine cellar with bottles ranging from sixty dollars to one thousand dollars. Will the birthday package be sufficient? Or does your date have discerning tastes?"

"The hell? Seriously? Sixty bucks? Even if it's her birthday? Can't you like, get her a piece of cheesecake and sing to her or something?"

"Sir, this is Ashten's on Broad. Not Golden Corral."

"Hey, I been to Golden Corral lately and they don't do squat either and they're a hell of a lot cheaper than that."

The woman sighed. "Would you like to make a reservation or not? Fridays are our busiest night and we only have one reservation for two left."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, it's special. Gotta do it up right. Go ahead. Put us down for two at seven for Winchester, and don't forget the damn birthday champagne, either."

"Very well. Remember, coats and ties for men, cocktail dresses at the very least for the ladies."

He didn't appreciate the chick's snotty attitude. "I got it. I know how to put on a damn tie."

"I should hope so. Every man should know how to."

He cleared his throat. "Look, lady, thanks, but I'm a Federal agent, okay? We wear suits every damn day."

"One you buy from Sears, no doubt," he heard her mutter.

He opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. It won't worth it. And he'd do anything for Ryan, damned fancy ass dinner included. "Well, my Armani is at the cleaners," he sniped. "I'll make sure to have it back for Friday," and with that, he disconnected the call.

Hope was standing before him, her mouth hanging open. "Close the trap, kid, you'll get flies," he told her.

She shut her mouth, blinked, then, "Whoa, Dad...you're taking her out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday? Wow. Talk about bonus points..."

He smirked. "I know how to wine and dine. Damned sixty dollar bottle, apparently, but, yeah, I know how to wine and dine. And Ryan, well, hell, she deserves it."

"Yeah, but, dude. A date?! You've never taken Mom out on a date!"

He winced. He was failing on that front, not that Ryan seemed to care, but he needed to do better. The last meal they'd had that hadn't consisted of them cutting up someone's food had been at a drive-in down in Tuscaloosa on that fang-banger case. He couldn't believe there were still chicks that were after damned vampires. Stupid fucking vampire TV show...They'd hooked up with Rudy and helped him on the case, who had been more than interested to see Dean engaged. He'd be willing to bet the word had spread around the community already. That thought made him smile. "Say, uh, don't say anything, okay? I'd like to surprise her."

Hope thought a moment. "Well...that's fine and all, but don't you think she should get to know in advance? Maybe she wants to buy a new dress or something..."

He thought about that a moment before he grinned. "Nope," he said as he pulled up a number on the phone. "I got a better idea..." He heard the phone ringing and when she picked up, Dean said, "Jody! I need a favor..."

The woman on the other end of the line groaned. "I'm busy, Dean. I've got a full-time job, a teenager with too many hormones, and a vengeful spirit that popped up in our graveyard. I don't have time to help you."

"Want me to send someone for the vengeful spirit?" he inquired, his thoughts of his date with Ryan momentarily overwritten as he worried about their friend.

"Nah, I got that. Going to do a little salting and burning later tonight. Thought I'd take my girl with me. So, what you need?"

He blew out a breath. "Okay, it's personal, but if you were here, I'd have you do it..."

"Uh oh. What?"

"What's Ryan's dress size? I wanna..." he cleared his throat. "I wanna get her something special for a fancy dinner I'm taking her on. It's her birthday on Friday you know..."

Jody let out a whistle. "I didn't know you had it in you, boy."

He chuckled. "Careful, you're starting to channel Bobby there, Jod."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. I tell you what, I've got tomorrow off. I'll go pick her up something and meet you halfway. Can you meet me?"

He glanced at Hope and grinned. He'd need to make up a cover story, but he could handle that. "Sure."

"Good deal. Now, I have a ghost to polish off. Talk to you later."

He heard the phone disconnect and glanced at Hope. "Jody's taking care of it."

Hope nodded. "Good deal. Now...you got a present in mind?"

He thought about that. Ryan had given him a Batman utility knife in addition to the hunt they'd gone on. The knife was kick-ass, shaped like the Batman symbol. He kind of wanted to get her a Wonder Woman something, but at the moment he was kind of at a loss. "Got a suggestion?"

She pondered that a moment. "Well, she's been eyeing that new Ruger model that just came out..."

Dean shook his head. "I don't want to get her weapons. I want to get her something a chick would like."

Hope smirked. "I got the perfect idea, but it'll involve the mall..."

"Damn. Fine." He sighed out a breath. "What?"

Her smile grew. "Let me take a shower. I can practice tomorrow. Call Mom, let her know I talked you into going with me and Kris to the mall. Let her know you'll bring her back a cookie from that place she likes."

"Can we stop at Cinnabon?" he asked as he followed her down the hall.

She rolled her eyes. "Sure. But first, the gift."

"Fine." He heard her calling for Krissy and he glanced at his phone. Hopefully Ryan wouldn't be pissed he wasn't coming straight home...

* * *

Hope had been right...the gift was perfect. And now, it was Friday. Ryan was in the kitchen fixing dinner. Even though it was her birthday, she had told them she didn't mind cooking, and he let her, only because he didn't want to be out of character. Of course, he'd offered. They took turns cooking dinner but she had wanted to fix some new recipe. He'd bought her a cake from the bakery she liked in town but it was all a ruse. He couldn't wait to take her out.

He adjusted his tie. Hope had talked him into buying a new suit and it wasn't a Sears reject. Of course, it wasn't Armani, either, but it cost a pretty damn penny. When Hope had handed him the wad of cash to buy it, he'd just looked at her and asked where she'd gotten the dough. She had given him this look that reminded him of himself and said, "Dad, I'm an angel, not a saint. Ask me no questions and I tell you no lies." He could admit to himself he was almost half afraid of his daughter. But she was hella awesome.

He picked up Ryan's dress, snagged the single white rose he'd bought at the grocery store from where he'd hidden in Hope's room, and walked down the stairs. He'd wanted to buy her some dahlias since they were her favorites, but of course they were out of season. Apparently roses were always available though.

He walked to the door and watched her as she cooked. She was stirring something on the stove and her ass was wiggling along to that damn Taylor Swift song the girls liked so fucking much. He'd like for Ryan to shake her _clothes_ off, but, well, maybe later.

A glance around the room showed Hope and Krissy dancing along as they pulled stuff out of the fridge and cabinets, Jon was bouncing eagerly in his bouncy thing, and Bobby was singing loudly and horribly off-key sitting at the table with Sam as he assembled a Lego car. This was his family and he loved every damn one of them. He'd never been so fucking happy in his whole life.

Sam caught his eye and smiled. He was going to watch the kids for them. The song ended and Hope turned the music off completely as Dean sidled up to Ryan's back and put the rose in her face. "Happy Birthday to the sexiest woman I know," he told her as he grasped her hips.

She chuckled as she accepted the flower, but still didn't turn toward him. "Sure. Because the sweatpants and tee shirt combo is so damn hot."

He chuckled and spun her around as he held up the dress by its hanger so she could see it. She gasped and both her hands flew to her face. "What about this?" he crooned. "You need something nice for where we're going."

She stood stock-still for a moment. "D-Dean?"

He smiled. "What? I can't wine and dine my baby?"

She shot him a glare. "You and the Impala are going out to dinner?"

His mouth fell open before his jaw set. "Cute, Fawcett. Real cute."

"Seriously?" she asked.

He nodded. "You didn't think the necklace was the only thing you were getting, did you?" Hope had helped him pick out a necklace that had a charm on it you could add to. It had a charm in it to represent each one of them, even a book for Sammy. Dean might have been the guy, but Ryan was really the head of the family. She was the glue that held them all together. "Go on. I've got us reservations at seven. You've got plenty of time to get your shower and get dressed."

She took the dress as if it were made of the finest of lace. "I...this is mine?"

He nodded. "Jody picked it out."

"It's perfect!" she cried as she hugged him tightly. "Oh! I gotta hurry!" She dashed away, stopped, flung herself at him to peck him on the lips, then ran out the door. He could hear her footfalls on the stairs as she sprinted up them.

Dean smiled. Yeah, this night was gonna be kick ass.

* * *

She walked downstairs an hour later looking perfect. He let out a low whistle from where he sat sipping on a glass of water while Sam and the kids ate. "Wow. Ry..."

She smiled almost shyly as she smoothed the material down her thighs. "Do I look okay?"

"Okay? Dude, you're smoking," Hope told her.

Ryan's smile grew. "Thanks, kid." She looked at Dean. "Dee?"

He blinked. He hadn't realized he'd been staring at her. He knew Ryan was beautiful. He saw it every damn day. But he never got to see her like this...all dressed up. She looked like an actress or a supermodel. And she was _his. _It boggled the mind. "You look amazing, Ryan."

She bit her lip nervously and rubbed her arms self-consciously. Jody had gotten her a red tank/off the shoulder dress that showed off her gorgeous arms, as well as her scars. It was a bright red at the top and slowly descended to a burgundy almost black at the bottom. It looked like it was made out of ribbons. He loved it, but he knew it might bother her to have her arms exposed. Occasionally, she hid her scars and tattoos away, especially if they went to the school for Hope or Krissy, but they were just another part of her. A part he loved. She overcame those impulses to keep herself alive. That spoke volumes to him.

He stood and walked over to her. "You are, by far, the most stunning woman I've ever met. I think I need to give Bobby an extra piece of your birthday cake as thanks to Gabriel for giving me you."

She giggled just slightly. "I don't think Sam would appreciate that."

"Please, God, don't," he heard his brother mutter.

Dean kissed her temple and wrapped his hand around the curve of her hip. "You ready?"

She nodded. "Would you help me with my shawl?"

He took the fabric from her, noticing it wasn't very thick, and draped it around her arms. He turned to his brother. "Sammy, I owe you one."

"Go have fun," Sam told them. "And don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"What? Read all night?" Ryan shot at him.

He sent her the bitchface. "You've been spending too much time with him. I've half a mind to send him off with Tory so I can reprogram you."

She chuckled and blew him a kiss. "Thanks, Sam, really. And thank you, girls, for staying to help Sam tonight."

The two girls shrugged. Neither of them were socialites, so it wasn't like they had so much going on in their lives they were gone on a Friday night anyway. With kisses to the boys, Dean led his woman out the door to the Impala, which shone in the dim light from the house. "So, that's why you were polishing her up," Ryan commented as he held open the passenger door for her.

He shrugged as he walked around the car and sat down. "Well, I knew my human baby would look good, so of course, my metal one had to as well."

"Naturally," she commented with an amused tone to her voice.

They drove in silence for a few moments before he glanced over at her. "You, uh, you can find something on the radio if ya want."

She just looked at him in surprise.

"What?"

She blinked, then smiled. "You're gonna let shotgun choose the music?"

"On shotgun's birthday, yes."

She pondered that as she flipped the dials, her long fingers making him sweat slightly as he imagined them on him. She found some Foreigner on and smiled again. "You don't afford Sam this opportunity to listen to his music on his birthday."

"Yeah? Well, I ain't banging Sam, either."

"Thank God for that. I'm not into Wincest."

He just shook his head. She was forever giving them shit for those damn Supernatural books. Lucky thing he loved her anyway.

They arrived at the joint and Dean glanced at the valet stand in horror. Let some little pimply-faced teenager park his baby? Hell no. Ryan must have sensed his discomfort, because she murmured, "There's the parking lot, over there, sweetheart."

"Can you walk in those heels?"

She just rolled her eyes. "You know, I may be a hunter, but I'm a girl, Dean. As Andy says, 'always fear a woman who can run in heels.' I can run in them, fight in them, hell, I killed a ghoul with a stiletto once. So, yes, I can walk in them."

He chortled. "Good to know." He parked them fairly close to the restaurant and led her toward the door. He knew he had the hottest woman in the room, and he didn't mind the douchebag supremes checking her over as they walked in, either. Of course, if they tried to touch her, he'd break their fingers off, but for now, he was cool with the expressions on their faces as they walked in.

A chipper little blonde was at the hostess stand. "Name?"

"Winchester," Dean told her smoothly, smiling at her. She couldn't have been older than Krissy. He wondered how in the hell she'd gotten a job here. He'd bet money the owner was her dad or something.

The girl just looked at him. He heard Ryan chuckling next to him. "I know he's gorgeous, sugar, but he's mine. Can you seat us?"

The girl seemed to break herself out of her stupor, blushed furiously, then picked up two menus as she squeaked, "Right this way."

They sat and Ryan laughed out loud. "What?" he asked, a smile on his face to see her enjoying herself already.

"That poor girl...and you didn't have a clue." She put her hand on top of his. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too, Ryan. So much. I...damn, I don't feel like I tell you enough and I don't think I show you enough, and..."

"Stop," she commanded softly. She just looked at him a moment before she shook her head. "You don't have to fawn all over me, Dean. Truthfully, I'd hate that. You're doing great and I love you so damn much. You're doing it just right." She smiled. "I think we've got this whole relationship thing figured out."

He snorted at that. They'd had an argument just this morning over where they were going to go on their honeymoon. Ryan didn't want to leave the kids for a week, so she wanted to stay close. Dean wanted to drive to the ocean since it was her favorite, but that would be at minimum a week trip. They'd put the idea on hold for a few days while they both came up with alternate suggestions.

The waiter came up and filled their water goblets. Dean opened his menu and had to think fast before he winced at the prices. Damn. This steak had better been from the best damned grass fed cow on the planet for what they were charging. He chanced a glance at Ryan, who was looking around the room, sipping on her water. "So, uh, what'cha thinking for dinner?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Steak I guess..."

"But...?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, this is awesome, Dean, it really is..."

"But?" he urged.

She glanced at the table, at the multitude of silverware before her. She looked around the room at the tablecloths and fancy wall hangings and art filling the space, then she glanced at the waiters in suits, before she made her way back to his face. "I'm thrilled, so completely thrilled you decided to bring me out for a nice meal without the kids, and you chose to give me such an awesome birthday..."

"But?" he implored, now starting to get a little nervous.

She smiled bashfully. "Do you think we could get out of here? This is...I'm not comfortable here, you're not comfortable here. Let's go get a burger in a bar somewhere and just be us. We look good, let's feel good while we're at it."

His brows quirked. "You're sure? I mean..I got money. I can pay..."

She smiled and nodded. "I feel sure you can. I just..." she shrugged. "I don't wanna spend the whole night on pins and needles. I want to just be snuggled with you in a back booth somewhere listening to Journey on the jukebox."

He winced. "Could you pick another band?"

"My birthday, Winchester," she reminded him.

He smiled and nodded. "Sure. Let's go." He stood, grasped her hand, and pulled her into his arms. He pecked her lips and then tugged her to the door.

He saw her wink at the girl behind the hostess stand. "Sorry, can't stay, sweetheart. He's got to ravage me. I'm sure you can understand..."

He heard the girl audibly sigh and he chuckled. "I'm trying to decide if you made that girl's night, or tortured her..."

Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "Are you kidding me? We're going to star in that child's sex dreams for months."

He blinked. "Girls have those, too?"

She rolled her eyes. "They're called sleep orgasms, and yes, they're just like wet dreams, only for girls."

His mouth fell open. "Damn. I never knew that. How did I never know that?"

She giggled and shrugged. "Dunno."

They walked back to the car and sat down. "So...where to?"

She shrugged again. "Where's a good bar here in town? We haven't been out in forever."

"Well, there's one downtown I've been to before, but only like, once..."

"Well, let's go there."

"You sure?"

She nodded and leaned over to kiss his lips. "I want to spend my birthday night alone with you. The place? The food? Totally inconsequential. As long as I'm with you, baby."

He smiled and kissed her again. "Then, let's go."

She let out a giggle and a war whoop as he burned rubber out of that stuffy-assed restaurant's parking lot.

He drove her to Brothers. He'd been there with Cas and watched a cupid do its thing. Apparently the guy, Dwight and his soul mate, Rod, had gone off and gotten married. They lived in Miami and owned a biker bar together down there. Cas, had, apparently, somehow kept up with them. Which was cool. Weird, but cool. But then, hey, Cas was a little weird. Even for an angel.

Brothers, however, was owned by a chick and her husband, though, he'd never met her. He'd wanted to go in and have a few drinks last year, but the thoughts of going into a place called "Brothers" hadn't felt right. Not last year, when he and Sam were at such odds. Now, he realized, he needed to bring his brother out for a beer. He felt sure Ryan would be cool with that.

He parked around the corner and walked around the car to help her to her feet. She smiled at him. In those sexy assed heels, she was closer to eye level with him. "Thank you," he told her.

Her brows furrowed. "For what?"

"Just...hell, just for being you."

She smiled at that. "Yeah? Well, thanks for just being you, baby." She reached up and put a hand on his face. He loved it when she did that. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. He felt that hand travel up his cheek and run through his hair as she leaned in closer and his arms wrapped around her as her lips found his. He kissed her languidly, tongues gently teasing, thrusting, and he felt her hand grip his hair as she moaned and he pressed her into the car's door. By the time he pulled away, they were both breathless. He looked at her and smiled as her eyes fluttered open. "If I weren't so hungry right now, I'd drop you into that back seat, Winchester."

He swallowed hard. "How about for dessert?"

She gave him an evil smirk. "I like the way you think." She patted his cheek and began walking toward the door to the bar. "You coming?"

He cleared his throat, readjusted things down south, and followed her to the door, opening it for her.

She blinked as she walked in. "Wow. This is nice."

It looked like every dive bar he'd ever been in, but he noticed things did seem a little different. Okay, a lot different. There were pool tables now, and lots of places to sit, and it looked...nice. "Whoa. Did I get the place right?"

A sexy black haired woman with a slight southern drawl and a 'fuck you' blue streak in her hair smirked as she walked up. "Did you come to drink? Because if you did, you found the right place, sugar."

Ryan giggled. "Yes! We need booze. You got food?"

"Damn straight I do. Jimbo! Get me some menus!" She glanced around. "In case you noticed, we aren't busy. Busy usually happens after nine." She glanced at them. "You two look a tad overdressed."

"We blew off Ashten's," Ryan told her as she sat in a booth. Dean slipped in next to her.

The woman let out a whistle. "And you chose to come here? I'm honored."

"It's her birthday," Dean informed the woman.

Her eyebrow lifted. "Is that so? Well, I got a pie my mother in law made in the kitchen. I'll save you a slice and for your birthday you get a drink on the house. What'll it be?"

Ryan thought about that a moment. "Any chance you could make me a Long Island Iced Tea? My friend makes the best and she's out of the country."

The woman grinned. "Of course I can. Name's Gina. I'll have my hubby bring the menus over. He probably went to check on the monsters..."

"Kids? How many?"

"Three boys. They're a pain in my ass but I love them dearly."

Ryan chortled. "Tell me about it. We have three as well, two boys and a girl."

Gina snorted. "I wouldn't know what to do with a girl."

"I don't either, sometimes," Ryan admitted. "But, we do the best we can."

Gina nodded. "I hear you loud and clear."

"Listen, don't bother with the menu. You got burgers? Steaks?"

"Both. Pick your poison."

"Steaks. I like mine hot and bloody. He'll have the same. Steak fries. Get him a beer, whatever you have on draft that's cold, really cold, or bottles work. You're southern, I can tell by your accent. Got any sweet tea?"

Gina smiled. "I knew I liked you. I do. It's in the back but not on the menu. I'll bring that out, too."

"Got any nachos?" Ryan questioned.

Gina nodded. "Got those, too. I'll get those started for you."

Ryan winked at her. "You just saved our night, G."

The woman chuckled and hurried back behind the bar.

Dean glanced at Ryan. "What?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I just...I really friggin' love you."

She giggled and kissed him again. "I love you, too."

* * *

Dinner totally kicked ass. It was the best damned steak he'd ever eaten. Gina's husband came out and gave Dean the recipe for the rub he used. They ate until they were stuffed, then Gina brought out a pecan pie that made Dean moan in ecstasy. They left the joint and Ryan teetered on those high heels just slightly. Apparently, whatever was in those Long Island Iced Teas was enough to make Ryan more than a little tipsy. She let out a giggle as he sat behind the wheel. "Let's take a drive, babe."

"Where to?"

She shrugged. "I don't care. Come on. I had Jim put us a case of beer in the cooler of brotherly love in the backseat. I just don't wanna go home."

He glanced at the Coleman cooler in the back. "What did you just call my cooler?"

She giggled. "Never mind. Let's drive, baby."

He chuckled and cranked the engine before tearing off into the night. They drove for a while. She rolled the window down and he loved seeing the wind blow through her hair as she sang along loudly to the radio. Finally, he pulled off at the reservoir picnic area over near the bunker. It was supposed to be closed after dark, but the gate wasn't locked, not that it would matter, he would just have broken it. He smiled over at Ryan who was now humming and doing a little seat dance along to 'I Love Rock and Roll'.

She turned the radio down slightly and leaned over to him. "We're going parking? My how...teenager of you."

He chuckled. "Come on, babe." He stood and noticed it had gotten cooler. She would be shivering before long. He snagged one of his flannel shirts out of the trunk and grabbed one of Bobby's blankets from the backseat. Luckily the hood would be pretty warm still. He walked over to the passenger side and opened her door. "I want to show you something."

She smiled and stood. "Okay..."

He helped her onto the hood and got her wrapped in his shirt and put Bobby's Iron Man blanket around her, making sure to take her shoes off and wrapping her bare feet in it to keep them warm before he grabbed the cooler and slid onto the hood next to her. He opened a beer and handed it to her before he sat back and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She snuggled into his side, sipping on the beer. "Sammy and I used to pull of on the side of the road, sometimes because we were too tired and needed to catch a few Z's. Sometimes, it was because the weight of the world was on our shoulders. Sometimes, hell, sometimes we just did it for fun. We'd sit there, in the quiet, just...looking at the stars. It was like, in those moments, I wanted to believe in God and all that crap, you know?"

He looked over at her. "I do now. I mean, knowing Cas, I had to, but that didn't mean I believed, believed, you know?"

She nodded slightly and he blew out a breath. "I just...in amongst all the shit Sam and I have been through, these stars were still here. They were a comfort, I guess you'd say. They helped me get through a lot."

She kissed his cheek. "I used to stargaze, too." At his surprised expression, she giggled. "Well, I had a lot of time to myself. And you know I had a lot of issues...I used to go out at night, alone, in college. No, it wasn't smart, but there you go. I would drive up to Howard's Knob and sneak up to the giant rock there and just..." she blew out a breath. "It was therapeutic I guess. Some nights, I felt like I wasn't alone, but not in a bad way, not in a terrified way, just that...there was something, someone else there, comforting me."

"Gabriel," he breathed.

He felt her nod. "I think so. I didn't...Dean, I know you and Gabriel...there's history with you and him and Sam. And I appreciate how you're treating Bobby...because, at the moment, he _isn't _Gabriel. And I'm glad you see that. He loves you so damned much..."

Dean smiled. The little dude was straight up awesome. Jon was, too, but right now, Jon was just kind of a smiling, cooing, shitting, eating, crying little lump. He was almost seven months old, so he wasn't really doing much, hadn't really developed a personality yet, but it would come, and Dean had no doubts he'd be just as cool as his big brother.

His mind flashed, for a moment, to the memory Gabriel had given him, his two boys working on a case with him...they reminded him so much of himself and Sam at that age, working side by side, figuring stuff out, hunting with their dad. It made him simultaneously proud and sad. Proud, that they were so smart and awesome, but sad because they had to live this damn life. He didn't wish it on anyone, even though somehow, it seemed as though that was their family's traditions.

Maybe that was the difference...growing up to realize you could walk away if you wanted to, but staying because you felt it, deep in your gut, that this was where you were supposed to be. Maybe if Sam had felt that, he wouldn't have resented the job so much. If their dad hadn't made it so damned obsessive, finding the demon...if they'd known about the Campbells, about the Winchester legacy...all of it, it may have made a difference. No, it would have made a difference. Definitely. A huge one.

"Dee?"

He shook his head. "Sorry...took a day trip."

She chuckled and kissed him. "That's okay." She snuggled into him more. "This is nice."

"Yeah, it really is."

"Thank you, for the birthday."

He kissed her temple. "You're welcome. Tonight...being with you...it's perfect," he breathed.

She smiled up at him. "Yeah, it is."

He kissed her again and then realized... "Oh, I got you something else..." He reached into his jacket pocket and came out with the envelope. "Here. Hope helped me. She, uh, well, hell, she's the best."

Ryan smiled as she took the envelope. "Yeah, our girl is one of a kind." She ripped into the paper and read it. "For me?"

He nodded. "I know, I mean, sometimes I forget...well, not that I forget, I mean, but still..." he blew out a breath. "Let me try that again; for all the shit we all put you through, I think a day being pampered and massaged and shit would be good for you. I talked to Jody. She's going to come down and go with you since you two don't see each other much anymore."

There were tears in her eyes as she murmured, "Thank you."

He shrugged. "You're welcome. Sorry, no pishtacos are there. That I know of. Not that you need a pishtaco! You could stand to put on a few pounds actually. And, I, shit..."

She giggled and kissed his lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Yeah, tonight really was absolutely perfect.

* * *

**May Second**

**Ryan POV **

She walked into the kitchen and glanced at Sam. "Okay, Sammy. Spill."

He looked up from his tablet and his cup of coffee. "Spill...what exactly?"

"I know you don't eat a lot of sweets, but what kind do you like? Today's a special day, you know..."

He thought a moment and winced. "Ryan, I don't." He blew a breath out of his nose and sucked in another one. "Birthdays and I don't really mix."

She thought about all his birthdays in the past. He'd died. Dean had been dragged to Hell. And God only knew what else had happened on May second. But she refused to let him be dragged down into a pit of despair. She'd been there. And she'd be damned if her little brother was going to go down that rabbit hole. Not today. So she shot him a glare. "I don't give two shakes of a rats ass, Samuel Winchester. Today is your birthday. Birthdays are special in the Fawcett/Winchester household and as such, we will celebrate yours in style. So, again, I reiterate because you must be slow...what kind of sweets do you like for your birthday?"

He blinked then chuckled under his breath. "Do you always get your way?"

"Of course," Dean answered as he walked in. "And whatever the hell she's bullying you into, I suggest you go with it. Because when Ryan's pissed at you, my sex life suffers for it."

She opened her mouth to argue, but he was right, so she shrugged. "Dean has a point. SO...going to save your brother the necessity of using his right hand man for his pleasure for the next couple of nights?"

Sam glared at her. "You do realize I've been buffing my own banana for over a year now, right? You can suck it up, Dean."

Ryan looked from one brother to the other and began giggling and couldn't stop. "You've been...jerkin' your gherkin? Cranking your shank? Spanking the monkey? Teasing the weasel?"

Sam shot her the bitchface. "What are we? Twelve?"

Dean joined in. "Painting the pickle? Pounding your flounder? Whipping the Willy?"

Sam just rolled his eyes. "Ha, ha, ha. Yes. I've been choking the chicken, cleaning my rifle, flogging the frog. Doing a manual override. Are you happy?"

Ryan tried and failed to stop and by the time she quit laughing, she was wiping laughter tears. "Yeah, I'm done now."

Sam grinned. "Okay, so, now, birthdays..." he thought a moment. "Say...uh, well, maybe it's personal..."

"I am not making you a warm apple pie to have sex with. I already vetoed that for Dean's birthday."

Dean's mouth fell open. "I didn't _ask _you to make me a pie to have sex with! I just made the comment I bet Jim was onto something from American Pie!"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Sure, sugar. Go with that."

Dean glared at her and crossed the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, muttering under his breath. She ignored him and looked at Sam. "I apologize. What were you asking?"

Sam gave her a half wince, half look of sorrow. "Well, I know you have some of your mom's recipes, and I just...remember those awesome cookie things she made? They were chocolate and had peanut butter in them and oatmeal?"

Her brows furrowed a moment. "Cow Patties?"

He grinned. "Yeah. I found them once when we were hunting a vengeful spirit down in Georgia. They were called Peanut Butter Delights."

She nodded. "They're also called No Bake Cookies. Sure, I have Mama's recipe. When did you..." she stopped. "Oh. Yeah. I forgot she made them for you guys, when you were visiting."

"If it's too much, Ryan..."

She shook her head. "Absolutely not. I would be honored to make them for you. Truthfully, I kind of forgot about that recipe. It's super easy to make. I think I have all the ingredients. Lemme get Mama's recipe book..." she hurried to snag the book from its place of honor on the shelf in the dining room with her other recipe books. She found the recipe and nodded. "Got it," she murmured as she walked back in and put the book down on the kitchen table in front of him. "Now, go on and do your thing. I'll make sure to have these ready to go along with the pork chops." She glanced at him. "Do pork chops work, Sam? It is, after all, your special day."

He grinned. "Are they those maple-apple glazed ones you make?"

"Yup. Broccoli and cheese work as a side?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Ryan. Really. I, uh...it's awesome, how you look after us."

She smiled softly as she ran a hand through his hair like she would Bobby's. Sam might have been a grown man, but she loved him as she would one of her kids. Maybe that was weird. Maybe she didn't care. "I love ya, Sammy. You're my family now. And I don't let family go. Remember that, okay?"

He smiled again and nodded once more. He cleared his throat as he glanced at Dean. "We're going to wash the car, right?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, but first, I want to run to get Bobby a doughnut. I promised him we'd go get one this morning because he was so good for Ryan this week while we were gone on that hunt and he had school yesterday so I didn't want to take him and him get powdered sugar all over himself."

"You mean like you usually do?" Sam countered.

Dean grinned. "Come on, go with us. You know you want to. They got those fancy little yogurt things you like."

"They're parfaits and they're excellent."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Let's go get the boy. Ry, I'll change Jon and bring him down, okay?"

She nodded as she looked back down at the recipe on the table. "Sure. Thanks, babe!"

* * *

Ryan was humming quietly to herself as she separated mail in the kitchen. The island was full of Peanut Butter Delights (she was going to go with that. She liked that name better than her mama's Cow Patty name) which were cooling to harden, when she suddenly heard "I Kissed a Girl" coming from her pocket. She smiled and answered, "Hi, chica! What's up?"

"Did you warn the guys about me?" Andy asked.

Ryan frowned. "Dean knows, yeah. Why?"

"Because, me and Tor just crossed the state line. We'll be there in time for dinner."

"WHAT?! Seriously, Andy?"

"You said you'd condition them. My flight got in this morning. Tory picked me up. See you soon."

Ryan blinked and stared at the now-dead phone. She was still standing there when Sam and Dean both walked back in, wet from washing the cars. "Go get cleaned up, Bobby," Dean instructed. "You got more water on you than you did on my baby."

"Yes, Daddy. Be rights back!" the boy shouted as he pounded his way up the stairs. Krissy and Hope were out for the day. The adults had finally gotten Krissy a car, a jeep Dean had lovingly tuned and restored it to its former glory. It was old, not classic, just old, but Kris had fallen in love with it. She'd saved up money from her job at the diner down the road (because she felt like she needed to make her way to a certain point instead of getting handouts) and had the thing painted a smooth cream color. Dean had found her not only a bra top for it, but also a hard shell for when she started hunting full time and she hit bad weather.

Ryan felt Dean kiss her temple before he walked over and snagged a beer from the fridge, tossing another to Sam, who took it gratefully. They were both soaked almost through from the hose Bobby had no doubt sprayed them with, but also from sweat. It was warming up quite nicely and the sun had felt good on Ryan's skin while she'd sat outside as Jon played in the sandbox. Now the little guy was tuckered out and taking his morning nap.

"What's up, Ryan?" Dean inquired as he sat next to his brother and snagged a cookie from the plate cooling on the kitchen table. "Damn. These really are good."

Sam took a swig of beer and grabbed a cookie, too. "She made them for me, asshat. It's my birthday."

"Fuck off, pee-wee. I can have one."

When Ryan didn't interject to stop them from the verbal assault they were sure to give one another, Sam said, "Ryan? You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost," he added. "Which wouldn't be weird, given our line of work, but still...what's up?"

Ryan blinked again and her eyes narrowed in on Sam as she gasped in a breath. _How am I going to tell him?! And on his fucking birthday? Great. Just...great. Dean's gonna kill me. _"Oh, God...Sam...Dean...Andy's coming."

Dean slammed his hand on the table, making Ryan jump. "WHY now, for God's sake?!"

Ryan sighed as her shoulders slumped. "I told you, Dean, I asked her to be my maid of honor." Tory would have done it, but she knew Tory was too flightly for the job, and Jody had her hands full in South Dakota, so Ryan couldn't ask her to do it, either.

"For a wedding that's still months away, Ryan. Why the hell she coming now?"

"Because, she's been out of the country for months and she's missed me and the kids."

"Cool. Another friend," Sam said with a smile. It slid off his face, however, as he added, "Please tell me she's not like Tory."

Ryan winced at that and Dean snorted. "Well, she's not an original, that's for damn sure."

Sam's brows furrowed. "Huh? What, is she a leper or something?"

Ryan just started tapping her forehead in frustration as Dean muttered, "Or something." Ryan shot him a glare. He shrugged and swigged his beer. "Well, let's not open this can of worms today, alright? Let's just wait until they get here. It'll be like weird with crazy on top."

Ryan grimaced. "See...that's the thing. She's on her way. Now."

"WHAT?!" Dean shouted again. "Like, now, now?"

Ryan nodded. "Like, Tory just picked her up from the airport and they're planning on being here for dinner, kind of now."

Dean looked from her to Sam, her to Sam, then a slow smile spread across his face as he leaned back and propped his feet up on the table. "Oh, hell. This'll be good. Go on, Ryan. Go ahead and explain to Sammy, _on his birthday,_ who Andy is. I'll just sit here, waiting to collect the body parts."

Sam's eyebrow shot up. "What? What's the big deal about Andy? Ryan, what aren't you telling me?"

Ryan swallowed and licked her lips nervously. "Okay. See. The thing is..." And just like that, her brain short-circuited. She looked at Sam and swallowed hard again. "Uh, well, Andy...she's, uh..." She cleared her throat. "Okay, I can do this," she murmured under her breath. She couldn't look at Dean. She should probably bash his head in for the smug look he was surely sporting. Damn him. He could help her with this. He had known Andy was Ruby's meatsuit's twin for months and he hadn't conditioned Sam, either.

She sucked in a breath. "Andy and I met a while back. She's a demon hunter. I mean, she hunts other things, but demons are her specialty. She, uh, she started hunting demons because her sister's body was possessed by one."

Sam nodded in understanding, that damned sweet, soft, caring look on his face. And it made her feel like an uber dick for not telling him sooner.

She swallowed again. "And, uh, well, she came to me to find out more information about her sister. Garth gave her my name, back when I was living in Phoenix. Before Bobby was born, or even created, you know?"

Again, Sam nodded.

With a sigh, and slumped shoulders, she went with it and finally said, "Sam...Andy's five foot nothing. She weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet. She's got black hair, brown eyes, and her twin sister's body was possessed by a demon. A demon named Ruby." She flinched, waiting for the backlash.

Sure enough, it came. Sam all but leaped to his feet, knocking over his chair in the process. "Are you...you're telling me...Andy. Is Ruby's. Holy shit! FUCKING HELL, RYAN!" He started pacing, running his hands through his hair. Suddenly, he turned to her. "And, what? Y-You two are BESTIES?! Wait. You said she misses you and...MY niece and nephews?! Were you...if she hadn't called, were you gonna even TELL me?! What? J-Just let her walk in here and give me the lowdown AFTER I ganked her with the demon knife?! Y-You have no...DO YOU EVEN HAVE A FUCKING CLUE, RYAN!? What she did to me? What she...? How she...?" He started shaking his head, as if to completely refuse these new realizations. "So, what? Now I'm supposed to get cozy with the bitch's sister? Hell. No." He sucked in a breath. "I...I just...FUCK!" he stormed over to the cabinet and Ryan watched him snatch out the bottle of bourbon before he headed toward the door. He stopped and said over his shoulder. "I can't be here. I need a walk."

Ryan stood there, dumbfounded, as Dean said, "Right behind you, little brother." Ryan heard his chair scrape the floor as he stood and pushed it back and he felt his hand on her shoulder as if she were disconnected from her body. He gave it a squeeze. "Good talk," he commented as he jogged out the door after Sam.

Ryan blinked once. Twice. Three times, before she screamed and threw Dean's empty beer bottle at the wall, listening to it shatter with satisfaction. She stood there, panting hard, thinking, for a moment before she ran out the door, cursing the fact she didn't have on shoes. Oh, hell, what difference did that make?

She jumped off the porch, not even bothering with the five steps, calling out, "Sam! SAM!" She managed to catch up to him only because he wasn't running, but walking with purpose, with anger, toward Dean's car in the gravel driveway. She managed to get in front of him and put a hand on his chest. "Sam. Please. Wait. Hear me out."

Cold eyes bit into her as he glared at her. "Why the fuck should I?"

She felt it, all the way across her spine and into her stomach. He was so angry...she was momentarily frozen in fear. But she refused to back down. Not about this. Especially not about this. "Sam, I swear to God, I was gonna tell you. Time and again, I've meant to. I wanted to tell you quite a few times, actually. But one thing or another has come up and I just..." she trailed off and sighed. "Look, please, Sammy? I-I love you. I never wanted this to hurt you. Andy and I are friends. I...she's lost, like the rest of us. She needed a home, a family. Me and Hope and Tory gave that to her."

She saw his jaw tick. "And she just conveniently looks like Ruby?"

"It...it shocked me, too. That's why she's stayed on the fringes of the hunting community and often works solo. She didn't want it getting back to anyone."

"I can't begin to imagine why," he snarked.

She winced. "I swear, I didn't do this to hurt you, Sam. I would never hurt you. I love you. Say you believe me."

"Hey! What about me?" Dean shouted from the other side of the car.

Ryan's eyes narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. "This ain't about you, you arrogant dick. I'll deal with you later. This is about my relationship with _Sam, _not you." She turned back to Sam. "I don't wanna mess that up, Sam. I swear, I don't. Please? Just hear me out?"

He sighed, but he continued to stand there, hard eyes burning a hole in the front quarter panel of the Impala. His jaw ticked again, he sucked in, then blew out another breath, and finally looked at Ryan. "I'm not pissed, really, not at you. I'm just...I'm blindsided here, Ryan. It isn't every day you find out your past is literally gonna sit down at your dinner table." He looked at the bottle in his hands before looking back at Ryan with tears in his eyes. His voice was so quiet, so full of pain, it made Ryan's heart ache as he said, "I thought I was done being sorry for what happened with her. And this...this just brings all that shit to the surface again. We-we saved the world, but it wouldn't have needed saving if I'd never let Ruby talk me into breaking it in the first place. I-I wish I'd known sooner, had more time to deal, you know? I, uh...I'm just not sure I'm ready to break bread with a reminder of my failures just yet, sis."

She bit her lip and nodded. "I-I understand. And you will never know the depths of how sorry I am, Sam, that I didn't warn you before now. I told her to call and tell me when she was coming, give me time to condition you to the fact of who she is." She huffed out a breath. "She knows, alright? She-She knows and hates that bitch almost as much as you do. She...you're not the only one gonna have to go into this with an open mind, Sam. You blame yourself for everything that happened. I get that. But, well, she kinda blames you, too. I wanted to warn you. There's bad blood all around. But I hope somehow Dean's best man and my maid of honor can work through this. If not..." she paused, then shook her head. "If not, she's gone. I mean it. I love Andy, but you're my brother. I love you. So much. So, if it's too much for you, I'll kick her ass to the curb. She can...she can be Tory's family. Tory can be my maid of honor, it'll be fine. I just...YOU are my family, Sam. And I would go to the ends of the earth not to hurt you. You have to see that."

"I know that, Ryan. But that's not the point..." He paused and took a generous swig from the bottle. "I mean, the thing is, think about your worst nightmare...then imagine it has a twin running around out there..."

"It could be worse," she commented.

"Well, hell, Ryan, of course it could be. You could tell me you're besties with Lucifer's twin..."

They both winced at that. She had opened up to him about what would have happened, how they were both earmarked for Lucifer. She avoided knowing how it felt to have Lucifer take you over, feeling it firsthand, but he hadn't dodged that bullet.

He sighed. "No. It doesn't matter. I just...I need time to process." He looked at Ryan, really looked at her. "Okay? You know me, I'll try. But tonight? I just can't tonight, sis. And..." He thought a minute and smiled. "I love you, too. Damn you. I don't know what I should be more pissed about; Andy, or the fact I can't be mad at you." He grabbed Ryan and hugged her for all he was worth.

She let out a giggle as her feet dangled when he picked her up and she hugged him tightly in return.

He sat her back down and Ryan heard a huff from the direction of Dean. She and Sam both turned to him. "Seriously? That's IT?!"

"Is what it?" Sam inquired. "It is what it is. What do you want me to do?"

"How about get pissed?" Dean yelled.

"Hey!" Ryan snapped.

"No, baby! I don't mean at you," he back-peddled. "I just-" He shook his head. "Is it healthy to just put that kind of shit away like that? I mean, don't you just wanna shoot something, or at the very least, beat its ass?!"

Sam thought about that a moment then shrugged and let out a breath. "Nah. I'm good."

Dean just shook his head. "I give up. Freaking hippies," he muttered as he sat down behind the wheel.

Ryan giggled and Sam glanced at the car. "Go," he told her. "Go deal with my brother. I'll be fine." He glanced up at the porch where Bobby was sitting now, playing with his truck, waiting for one of the adults to notice him. "I'll look after monster number one for a few minutes."

Ryan sighed. "Dean's angry about this, too, you know. Me being friends with her?"

"You swear she's not..." he just barely held in a shiver.

She put her hand on his forearm and squeezed tightly. "You know I wouldn't think to become friends with one of THEM back in the day, right? And I've read the gospels, remember? I'd have killed her for what she did to you if Dean hadn't. I didn't know you then, but I loved you because Dean did."

He just looked at her a moment before he smiled. "Yeah, you probably would. I think I'm gonna head to the bunker. Guess dipshit is going with me."

Ryan chuckled. She'd let Sam and Dean bitch to each other about this. Maybe they just needed some time away from her for a bit. That was okay, too. She never wanted to get in the way of their relationship. "I'll make sure she stays at a hotel or something. But...with the wedding and everything, she _is _going to be here."

"The wedding is months away," he pointed out. "Two months, in fact."

She nodded. "But with all the planning, I'm starting to need help."

He sighed. "You couldn't be friends with normal people, could you, huh?"

She shook her head. "Nope. But she's one hundred percent human, I swear. I was with her the day she got her anti-possession tatt."

"Where?"

"Some little shop in Phoenix..."

He shook his head. "No. I mean, where is it on her body?"

Ryan smiled a little. "Seriously!?"

He blinked. "Shit! No! I'm not imagining it _on_ her! I just...wanna know where to look. Just to be sure!"

She chortled. "It's on her shoulder blade. She wears a lot of tanktops when she's not hunting. Trust me. You'll see it. And if you ask, I'm sure she'll show it to you."

He swallowed. "Okay, well, maybe I do need to go blow off some steam. I could shoot something."

Ryan smiled. "Go on. Go target practice. Do NOT imagine it's her, though, okay? You don't know her. Not like I do. It's-It's like this thing with Gabriel. Put your prejudices aside and see _her _not who you think she is."

Sam blew out a breath and nodded. "Fine. You're right. I will."

"Thank you," she told him as she hugged him again. "Thank you, brother bear, for believing me."

He hugged her back. "Well, I kinda have to believe you. You're the one that washes my clothes."

She giggled. "Get out of here and go blow some shit up. I'll see you two later." She walked back to the porch and sat on the steps.

"Daddy and Sam go on a job?" Bobby asked.

Ryan shook her head. "Nah, they'll be back later. Now, I know you don't remember, but Andy's coming to visit."

"Andy?"

She nodded as she pulled the little boy onto her lap. "You'll like Andy. She's super cool. Come on. Let's go in and call Hope, tell her and Kris to be home."

"Okay!" he shouted as he picked up his truck and ran into the house.

Ryan sighed out another breath as she stood. _Why can't anything in my life be easy? _

* * *

The whirlwind of Tory and Andy came in around five that evening. Ryan was just putting the pork chops in the marinade. Dean had texted and told her they would be back for dinner. He was against being there, but Sam said he wanted to face his demons (pun intended) head on and not run away from them. Plus, he knew all the trouble Ryan had gone to to make him a great birthday dinner, and he didn't want to miss it. Ryan had just groaned and rubbed her hand over her face before massaging her neck. She'd need booze to make it through the night, she just knew it. So she'd sent Tory a text reminding her to bring something strong to compliment dinner. Tory's answering text was just a picture of her middle finger raised followed by, "Fine. Bitch. Dealer's choice." which had caused Ryan to smile.

"Tory's here!" Hope shouted as she ran down the stairs. Ryan glanced from Jon, who was cooing and dancing about in the bouncer by the back door, to Krissy and Bobby, who were following Hope out the front door and blew out a breath.

She picked up Jon and smiled at the baby. "Come on, Jonny-Cake. Let's go meet your Aunt Andy."

He gurgled happily and she smiled as she kissed his wet chin. He was drooling like a madman. She figured he must have been cutting some teeth. She walked out to the porch and smiled as she watched Hope hugging her two aunts and then Krissy shyly going up to Andy. Kris and Tory were good friends. They'd gone on a hunt over spring break together and had come back with some interesting stories. Ryan hadn't been thrilled with some of the things Tory had told the girl about the ways of the world, or the things she had exposed the girl to, but she knew since she wasn't Krissy's mother, she could only guide her. And Krissy was pretty damned good about respecting Ryan and Dean's parenting, anyway.

She walked down the steps and Andy looked up from where she was talking to Bobby, who was showing her a new truck Dean had brought home from the store. "Well, I'll be damned."

Ryan smiled as she passed the baby to Kris and hugged Andy for all she was worth. "Bout time you got here."

They both had tears in their eyes as they pulled away. Andy glanced around. "Where are they?"

Ryan knew exactly who the 'they' were. "At the bunker. They'll be here later."

"Oh! We gotta take you to the bunker, Andy!" Hope exclaimed. "You're gonna love it! They have lore there that will blow your mind!"

"Yeah, and antique porn, too," Tory murmured.

Ryan shot her a look as she snagged Jon back from Hope. "This is Jonathan."

Andy glanced at him a moment before she snagged his pudgy little hand. "Is he...is he really...?"

Ryan nodded. "Just wait until he gets mad. It's..."

"It's creepy!" Hope told her. "He gets ticked off and those black eyes make an appearance. No one knows if the other cambions can do that or not, but Jon can."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. The first time it happened, I almost dropped him. I screamed. Dean came running, Sam came running. Fun was had by all."

Andy chuckled. "May I?" she asked as she held out her hands.

Ryan nodded and handed the baby to her friend.

Andy smiled as she bounced him a little. "Hey there, little guy. So, it isn't enough that Hope likes clowns and Bobby likes monkeys. You have to one-up them, huh? Gotta be part demon to freak out Mama, yeah?"

The baby gurgled and put a hand on her face.

Andy smiled and brought him closer, rubbing his head as she kissed it. "My word, he smells so good."

"Almost makes you want one, doesn't it?" Tory stated wistfully. Ryan blinked and her brows furrowed. She'd never heard Tory say that before. But then Tory followed it up with, "Damn glad it's not me. Can you see me saddled with a kid?"

"You'd buy a cage for it and stick it in your van with all your other shit," Andy told her.

Tory nodded. "Probably. I'm hungry. I brought dessert..."

Ryan shot her a look. "Hash brownies?"

Tory grinned. "What? I picked them up from Raul this morning while I was in town at the airport."

"The fact that you know every drug dealer in the lower forty-eight frightens me," Ryan commented as they all moved to the house.

Tory shrugged. "Eh, well, it's convenient. And I'm a good customer. They fall over their feet to help me."

"That's because you'll cut them off at the knees if they piss you off," Andy countered.

Tory thought a moment and nodded. "True."

Ryan chuckled. "Come on. Let's go into the kitchen. Girls? Ya'll wanna come join us for a chat or do you want to go practice?"

"Practice," they answered in unison before they disappeared.

"Where they going?"

"They're in a school play. It's for upper classmen, but Krissy talked the director into having Hope be in it. Now Hope's one of the leads with Krissy. It's in a few weeks. Hope, is, of course, her father's, and has every confidence in the world she'll nail the part, but Kris is worried, so they're practicing all they can."

"How...normal," Tory commented as she sat her backpack on the table. "You want the booze in the cabinet?"

Ryan nodded as she gestured to Andy, "Plop Jon in the bouncer, Andy. Bobby? You wanna watch Chuggington?"

"Yeah!" he exclaimed as he ran into the living room.

"So...did you tell the guys?" Andy asked as she accepted a beer from Tory, who had made herself at home.

Ryan nodded as she snagged up her glass of iced tea. "I did."

"And?"

"And how well do you think Sam took it, Andy?"

Andy winced. "Well, if it's any consolation, I'm not really thrilled to meet him, either."

"But..."

Andy held up a hand. "But I'll be nice, Ryan. Geez. I won't, like, try to...I don't know, murder him or anything. Or sleep with him."

Tory smirked. "I don't know...if he were interested, I'd climb that moose like a tree. God help me I would."

Ryan snorted. "You're bad."

Tory shrugged. "Fact is fact."

Andy shook her head as she sat Jon in his bouncer and began playing with one of the toys sticking off of it, rattling it for him as he babbled. "I feel like such a pariah here. Are you sure I should even..."

Ryan walked over and put her hand on Andy's shoulder. "Andy, you're one of my best friends. I trust you. I know you. Give him time, he will come to know you, too. The real you, not just what he sees with his eyes"

"I just wonder if it will be too hard on me," she commented.

Ryan blew out a breath. She knew Andy blamed Sam for a lot of the crap Ruby did as well, but Andy did have enough sense to know Sam had been used, just as Ariel's body had been. Hopefully, that would make a difference. "If it's too weird, you can go. I swear. I won't be pissed."

Andy stood and hugged her again. "I want to be here for you. Do you know how long I've waited for you to get laid?!"

The three women chuckled even though they were all a bit sniffly. "Come on, let's catch up while I cook," Ryan stated. "You hungry?"

"I'm starved," Andy said as she stepped back and swigged her beer. "And I'm so sick of Peruvian food, I can't stand myself."

"But you want me to make tacos this week, right?"

"Oh, naturally. No one makes pico de gallo like you do, Ryan. I just...I guess it was just, I missed home."

"Well, you're in luck," Ryan told her. "I made pork chops, broccoli, and your favorite...french fries."

"Damn. Do you have to marry Dean? Because I'd be glad to call you my wife."

"Ha," Ryan shot back. "Very funny."

They settled in then, catching up on everything in their lives. Ryan had missed their dynamic and she fervently hoped things between Andy and the guys would work themselves out.

It was about an hour later when Ryan heard the Impala roar up the driveway.

"Holy shit," Andy muttered as she glanced out the window. "It's the hunting machine."

"What?"

Andy grinned. "That Impala is legendary. As are the two men in it."

Ryan looked out the window, too. The guys seemed to be having a conversation, probably psyching themselves up to come in. "Idiots," Ryan murmured lovingly. She glanced at Andy. "Are you ready?"

"Do I have a choice?" Andy muttered, but she put on a bright smile. "Nah, bring it. Let's get it over with."

Ryan nodded. She had asked Hope and Krissy to do her a solid and take Bobby to one of the restaurants in town with a play place. She didn't need him privy to what might happen, and the girls didn't really need to see it either. Jon was down for a nap, and though she usually woke him so he could go to bed at a normal time, she figured this once wouldn't hurt him to oversleep.

She squared her shoulders, sucked in a breath, blew it out, and waited as the front door opened. She swallowed hard. She had propped herself in the doorway to the kitchen, keeping Andy at the table, just to be on the safe side. She cleared her throat as the two men walked in. "You good, Sam?"she inquired softly, tenderly.

He sucked in a breath as well. "Yeah. I am. I'm okay."

She bit the inside of her cheek, looked him over, and nodded. "Okay. Andy?"

She heard the chair scrape the floor as Andy stood and she caught the scent of Andy's perfume only moments before she felt her stand next to her. But Ryan wasn't looking at Andy, she was watching Sam.

A myriad of emotions crossed his face. Anger. Hate. Confusion. Acceptance. Nausea. And so quick she almost missed it...a flare of desire?

Ryan blinked as Sam muttered, "Holy fucking shit..."

Ryan chanced a glance at Andy now, and found her smiling slightly as she held out a hand. "Hi, Sam. I'm Andrea Blackwell."

"The fuck you are!" Dean shouted and Ryan was stunned momentarily as Sam grabbed him as he went for Andy's throat, causing the woman to automatically take a step back and drop into a defensive position. Andy was just as good a fighter as Ryan. She had no doubts, if she needed to, she could handle Dean's brute strength. "Mindfucking my brother wasn't enough, so you decide to be a switch hitter? Stay the hell away from Ryan, you hear me?!"

"Dean! Calm your ass down!" Sam roared. He glanced at Andy again and shook his head, just slightly. "It's not...she's not Ruby," Sam stated softly.

Ryan's brows furrowed and Dean stopped struggling automatically. "How do you..." Dean began but Sam stopped him with a shake of his head.

"I don't...I don't know how I know, I just know she isn't," Sam told him.

Andy gave him a pained smile. "Well, my sister and I were identical twins, but we had our differences."

"I'm so sorry, Andy..." he began, but she held up a hand.

"No, Sam. Don't. Just...don't, okay? Let's just attempt at civility. No apologies, no anger. Just acceptance, alright?"

"What?! What is wrong with everyone!?" Dean shouted from Sam's side.

Ryan looked at him and her eyes narrowed. "Honey, you knew she would look like this. Hell, you've had months to prepare for this. Sam's had hours. Look who's being the bigger man here."

Dean opened his mouth to say something, snapped it shut, and narrowed his eyes as he bowled passed Andy, almost knocking her down as he bumped her shoulder on his way to the fridge.

Ryan blew out a breath. "That went better than I anticipated..." she muttered under her breath.

* * *

Dinner wasn't quite as strained as she thought it would be. There were a few hiccups, like when Andy started raving over the French Fries because she hadn't had any in months while in Peru...both guys had winced, but they'd managed most of the meal in slightly uncomfortable conversation with Tory and Ryan doing most of the talking, which was par for the course with Tory. She could probably get the angels and demons to become besties if she tried.

Ryan hadn't intended for Sam and Andy to sit next to each other, but when Dean had sat at the head of the table, on Ryan's left, and Tory had sat on her right, that only left two chairs since Bobby had broken the other one yesterday while she was at the grocery store. Ryan still hadn't managed to get the full story out of him how it had happened, and though she suspected Dean knew, and was covering for the boy, she hadn't probed. It wasn't worth it. She had the feeling it was far from the last time a piece of furniture would be broken in their house, with two boys running around.

She took a sip of her water and glanced around the table. Dean was, as usual, shoveling food in his mouth. As gross as he was on occasion, she loved seeing him eat. He enjoyed everything she made. She'd only made like, two things he hadn't liked, and he'd been so cute about trying not to hurt her feelings. Well, hell, not everyone liked cauliflower like Hope did.

Tory was talking animatedly about a siren she'd ganked a few weeks before. And Andy, even though she'd started off pretty strong, she was now sitting quietly, swirling her fork through the cheese left on her plate from the broccoli, playing more than anything else. And Sam? Sam was sitting directly across from Ryan, swigging on his beer. She noticed he had leaned back in his seat slightly, occasionally glancing at Andy's back, trying, no doubt, to discreetly look at her tattoo. She had on a wide strap shirt,with a high back on it, so you could only make out part of the ink, not enough to know what it was, just to see that she had a tattoo.

Andy, it seemed, had also noticed him trying and failing to see it. "Oh, for the love of..." she pulled her shirt completely off and turned slightly so he could see the anti-possession sigil perched on her shoulder blade. "There! Feel better?" She turned back to face him. "Want me to drink more holy water than what Dean put in my beer, too?" she growled.

Sam just sat there like a deer in the headlights. Andy's shirt had a built in bra. When the shirt came off, so did the bra.

"Andy..." Ryan began, but Andy just glared at her.

"No. I wanna know if that's good enough. I'm not her. Even he said so. Now I've drank holy water, I've shown you the tattoo. What? Wanna sip of my blood to make sure?"

Ryan winced, but the comment must not have made it through Sam's brain as she could tell he was trying and failing to not look at Andy's chest. "Uh..." He cleared his throat, shifted in his seat, and without looking away from Andy, or her breasts, says, "S-So, Dean, c-can you pass the salt?"

A glance at Dean showed him gawking at the half naked woman at their table as well.

"DEAN!" Sam shouted.

Startled, Dean blinked and looked at his brother. "What?! Man, there's a chick sitting next to you, AT OUR TABLE wearing nothing but a smile, and you want the fucking SALT?!"

Ryan closed her eyes, put her head in her hand, rubbed her temple and moaned in exhaustion. This had been one hell of a day. Yeah, it was a good idea to send the kids off for dinner. "Holy hell, Andrea! Put your damn shirt back on! Sam, put your tongue back in your mouth. Dean, put your eyes back in their sockets. And Tory? Quit giggling! My God...I swear to fucking...can we not sit down like grownups for one damn meal?! Jesus...I need alcohol." She stole Dean's beer and downed it in one.

Andy rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Fine, 'Mom'. If you insist," she growled as she began untangling her shirt so she could put it back on.

Ryan caught movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Dean's shoulders shaking from the silent giggles. Her eyebrow popped up. "Dean? Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?"

He chortled but managed to contain himself as he said, "Hell yes! If there's gonna be a stipulation for being a demon's twin meatsuit getting to sit at our table..." he pointed at Andy, who was slipping the shirt on over her head. "That ought to be it."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Maybe Tory and I should take our shirts off, too. Just have a titty fest. Would that make you happy?"

She saw him pondering it a moment, just for a moment, before a look of disgust appeared on Sam's face. Dean caught it, too, because he cleared his throat. "No, uh, nah. That's...nope. I'm good."

Sam shot him the bitchface. "Man, what are you, seven?"

Dean shoveled in a mouthful of broccoli. Now that Ryan was making him eat healthier, he was enjoying it more. Of course, he'd also demolished two pork chops and was working on his third, plus the multiple pieces of garlic bread, but still... "Look, we wanted an icebreaker, I say we got it, don't you? I almost forgot the resemblance...hell, I couldn't recall my own damn name for a couple of seconds."

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "My god, Dean, can you _attempt _to be an adult?"

"What? You mean be a stiff like you? No."

Ryan could all but smell the brotherly argument brewing and she sighed as she stood and grabbed her plate. "Aaaaand dinner's over." She looked from Tory to Andy, then gestured with her plate at the guys. "The Winchesters, ladies and gentlemen. God help us. Let's go out to the living room, chickadees, they could be at this for hours..."

"Hey!" Dean began, but then he shrugged, knowing she was right, and began trading insults with Sam, who was half amused, half pissed.

Ryan just shook her head. How in the hell had she wound up in this crazy ass family?

* * *

**Sam POV**

Sam looked over at his brother and smirked once the women left the room. "You do know you're still gonna have to wash the dishes, right?"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah. I guess." He watched the three women getting situated on various pieces of furniture through the wide archways that led from the kitchen, through the foyer, into the living area. "So...what the hell?" he whispered conspiratorially.

Sam rolled his eyes as he stood and started gathering up the condiments. "Seriously? We're gonna gossip like a couple of middle school girls?"

Dean bristled as he, too, stood, and started gathering up napkins to put in the washing machine. "Of course not. I just didn't know if you wanted to, ya know, talk or some shit."

Sam was touched, he had to admit. But at the moment, he honestly didn't know how he felt. Seeing her...it was...he realized it, right away. That was _not _Ruby sitting there, joking and laughing with Ryan, making smart-ass remarks to Tory, glaring at Dean...well, the glaring actually _did _remind him of Ruby, but the rest...

And then she took her shirt off. _Holy fuck I need to get laid, _he thought. Because she was the most beautiful thing he'd seen lately, and he was man enough to admit he'd ogled Ryan a time or two as they'd gone on their morning runs. After all, the chick had legs up to _there _and an ass that wouldn't quit. He'd had to have been a damned saint not to see his brother's woman was hot. But this? It was, this was crazy!

No, he needed to just go out, find a piece of ass...but, well, he didn't want to do that. Damn it, he was jealous as all hell of what Dean had stumbled onto with Ryan and it was driving Sam bonkers he didn't have that. Not Ryan...nooooo he definitely did not want Ryan. She was enough like him to have issues out the wazoo, and, well, he didn't need that. But he wanted that connection. Dean didn't talk much about his feelings, but Sam had seen how Ryan was changing his brother. For the good, definitely. But there were most definitely changes.

No, Sam just needed a few minutes to himself and judging by the raucous laughter coming from the family room, that wasn't gonna come soon. "Say, go on in there with Ryan. I'll clean up."

Dean blinked as he piled plates on top of each other. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I...it's weird, you know? I just need some time." That wasn't all it was, but it was a good cover. And Dean, for all his douche-tastic tendencies, was pretty damned understanding when it came to Sam's feelings. Well, some of the time.

"You sure you don't wanna talk? Seriously, Sam. This thing...it's fifty shades of fucked up."

Sam stopped and put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Thanks, man, really. I just...I need a little time. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She's...she isn't _her, _you know?"

Dean frowned. "I don't know. She looks like her. She sounds like her. She acts like her. And the thing with the French Fries?"

Okay, her almost orgasming over the French Fries had kind of freaked Sam out. And the ketchup. Damn, did that woman eat enough ketchup with them. That, reminded him markedly of Ruby. But the rest? No, he _knew _Ruby...and not just in the biblical sense. He knew her, or at least, he thought he did. Right up until the point she betrayed him. But even with that, he still knew her. And her betrayal made sense, when he sat down and thought it over. And over the last few years, he'd had time to mull it over. Usually with a bottle of Jameson once Dean was shut up in his room with his music, but still...

Sam blew out a breath. "I guess...I guess if she's going to be around, we need to try and get to know her, see that she _isn't _Ruby, you know? I mean...Dean, think about it. All those demons...those meatsuits belong to someone completely different. Look at how different Jimmy was from Cas." _Look at how different Gadreel was from me. _Of course, he and Gadreel had a lot in common, too. Not that it meant a damn thing, but they were alike in some ways.

"So...you're comparing Cas to Ruby?"

"What? No. That's not..." Sam shook his head. "You know what? Just...I'm good. Go on in there with Ryan."

"You don't want help?"

A peal of laughter came from the living room. "No. I don't...I think I'm about social-ed out for now. Let me have a little time to clean up the kitchen. I'll be in there in a little bit."

Dean looked at him, trying to get a read on him, so he smiled and moved to finish stacking the plates. He ignored Dean until finally, his brother left and Sam blew out a breath of relief.

He took his time cleaning up the dishes. He knew how Ryan liked the dishwasher loaded. He'd heard that damn argument enough. He wondered, briefly, if he and his soul mate would argue as much as Dean and Ryan did. Not in a bad way. Usually it was a teasing that went too far, or one of them managed to push a button that set the other off. They were both so damn volatile. It was fascinating and frankly, on occasion, terrifying. But the love the two of them shared...it was unlike anything Sam had ever known. He'd seen love. It was all too evident by his father's obsession with the demon that killed their mom, that John Winchester was capable of a love so strong, it lasted decades after her death. But was that obsession a good thing? Was that how soul mates worked? He could see some of that in Dean, in Ryan, but not to the degree of his father, so maybe it was just John. Or maybe it was the Winchester men at large. Maybe he'd be the same way, when he met his soul mate. The thought wasn't necessarily a bad one. He'd heard it enough, he was more like John than Dean was. That thought, did scare him.

Finally, the kitchen was sparking. He contemplated mopping the floor, but he knew Ryan would know something was up if he dawdled too much longer, and he was polite enough to know he couldn't just slink off to his room for the rest of the evening.

He snagged a beer from the fridge, turned the light off and walked into the foyer, bumping into Krissy as he did so. She, Hope, and Bobby had come in shortly after the meal finished and Dean had excused himself from the living room to put the little boy to bed while Ryan had checked on Jon. The little guy was teething. He'd had a runny nose and fever off and on for the last couple of days, so, Sam figured the boy was still sleeping.

But now, Krissy was headed...out? "Where you going?"

"I forgot something in the car." She smiled. "Don't worry, I'm not sneaking out of the house."

Sam smiled at that. "Come on. We let you do whatever the hell you want. You could just walk out the damn door and the only thing any of us would say is 'wear your seat belt'."

She shot him a look. "Now you know Dean wouldn't just tell me to wear my seat belt."

Sam chortled. "You're right. He'd ask which weapons you were carrying."

She nodded. "And Ryan would want me to make sure I had a jacket."

"Well, at least we don't smother you," he stated sarcastically.

She pondered over that a moment and then nodded. "And I'm thankful for that, really. But nah, I forgot to get Bobby's sippy cup. I need to stick it in the dishwasher. I sure as heck don't want that crap spilling in my car. How the heck Ryan can drink sweet iced tea, and let Bobby do the same, is beyond me."

Sam chuckled. "She's southern. It's ingrained in them, I think."

Krissy's nose wrinkled. "It's nasty."

"Matter of opinion, I guess..." Sam didn't care for it, either, but he'd noticed Dean had taken to the sugary concoction Ryan made for special occasions easily enough.

"So, you weird about the whole Andy thing?"

He had just taken a swig of beer and promptly choked on it. He managed to cough and wheeze some air into his lungs to ask, "What?"

She shrugged. "Sam, come on. I'm not a kid. I overhear stuff. So? Are you okay? Seriously. I mean, I'll kick her bony butt to the curb if you need me to."

Sam appraised Krissy. The kid was nothing but piss and vinegar, but she loved them. It was odd, how quickly it had happened, but Krissy really was a member of this family. She loved them and they loved her. And he had no doubts the kid really _would _kick Andy's ass, if she felt she needed to. So Sam smiled. "Nah, I'm okay."

She eyed him.

"You know, I'm six foot five. I weigh probably at minimum, twice what you do. I think I can handle myself. I won't break, Krissy."

She bit her lip and her eyes narrowed in concern as she shook her head. "It isn't your size that breaks, Sam. It's your heart. I just..." she shook her head again as she offered him a shrug. "I don't want you hurt, you know?"

Sam reached out and grabbed her for a hug, which she easily and willingly fell into. She looked up at him. "Well, you're kind of my uncle by association, right? So I have to..."

He just nodded as he felt a lump in his throat. "Thank you, Kris. It means a lot."

She winked at him and walked out the door to her jeep. He squared his shoulders and walked into the living room.

Dean was sitting on the couch. Ryan was sitting between his legs on the floor and he was playing with her hair with one hand as he nursed his beer with the other. Tory was sitting across from them in one of the wing-backed chairs, and Andy was sitting criss-cross apple sauce in the space between them, propped up against Bobby's wooden toy box, swigging another beer.

Sam plopped down next to Dean on the other end of the couch and listened as they talked. He interjected a few times as they discussed wedding stuff, chortling inwardly at Dean's eager contributions to the conversation. Ryan had a notebook she was writing in filled with ideas. It looked like the wedding was coming together nicely. It was going to be small, because, hey, they didn't have many friends, but it was going to be pretty cool with the ideas Ryan had. And Dean, too, actually.

From there, they talked about Andy's trip to Peru. It was really interesting to hear her talk about it. She was quite passionate about teaching. And the hunts she went on with some of the locals sounded pretty damned intriguing, too.

One of the girls made a comment about Tory's latest...conquest, and that led them all down a rabbit hole that made both men uncomfortable.

The whole time they'd been sitting there, Sam's mind had been running at a million miles a minute. Listening to Andy talk, it made him realize...he didn't know anything about her, about her sister. She made a few comments, and from what he could gather, her parents were both dead now, and her sister had been her only sibling. It broke his heart to realize how alone she was. Sam and Dean were orphaned, but they still had each other. No wonder Ryan had taken her in, taken her under her wing. She was alone in the world. Just like Ryan had been. Just like Tory had been. Granted, Tory's family was still alive, but they'd kicked her out of the family for her sexual...proclivities. Ryan didn't give a shit about that. She was so damned open minded, he felt sure if he'd come out as a furrie (which he wasn't, definitely) she'd be completely cool with it.

"Can I talk to you?" he said, interrupting Dean telling about how he'd killed a chupacabra. Again. Like he hadn't already told the story a billion times. Big fucking deal. Whoohoo.

Four heads turned to him and he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest as his eyes widened. He hadn't meant to say anything. He knew everyone was staring, yet he was only looking at Andy. "Can...uh, hey, can I talk to you?"

Andy glanced at Ryan and then back at him. Her lip and nose curled, just a bit, but she shrugged. "Uhhhh...sure?"

Tory jumped to her feet. "Good. We're finished with the conversation portion of the evening. You guys have stressed me the fuck out. If you need me, I'll be smoking a fat one in the van..."

Andy's eyes, who had been staring holes into Sam, shot to her friend. "Keep your ass in the passenger seat, and for God's sake, roll down the windows. I'm driving your happy ass back to the motel and I don't want secondhand munchies."

"Oh, baby, I love it when you get forceful. Will you tie me up and spank me?" Tory shot back at her.

Andy's face showed no hint of amusement. "I'll tie you up and leave your sorry butt in the back of that nasty ass van."

Tory pouted, thought a moment, then came back with, "Well, it wouldn't be the worst thing I've done in that van."

The other two women chorused, "EW! TORY!" causing the men to chuckle.

They watched her walk out and then Sam's eyes landed back on Andy. He saw Ryan stand out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah, well, it's getting late," she said with a forced yawn. "All good little monsters get up early around here." He saw her grab Dean's hand. "Come on, babe." She tugged and he didn't move. That got Sam's attention. She smiled awkwardly through clenched teeth. "Dean. Move your ass, sugar."

"Nah, I'm good."

She huffed out a breath. "You know that thing I do? The thing you beg me for?"

He smiled as he blinked lazily and looked up at her. "Yeah?" he breathed out.

"I won't do it for two months if you don't move your ass from this fucking couch right this minute."

He looked crestfallen as he all but leaped to his feet. "Yeah, uh, see you guys later..." he managed as he tugged Ryan toward the stairs. And apparently she wasn't moving fast enough, because he picked her up and carried her over his shoulder, smacking her ass as he lifted her. They could hear her chiding him as she giggled and he ran up the stairs.

Sam smiled.

"Wow. Your brother..." Andy began, causing Sam to look at her once again.

"Yeah. Preaching to the choir." He swallowed hard and started fidgeting with the label on his beer bottle. He glanced up at her. "Are you...okay? I mean, you need anything? Another beer? Snack? Bottle of Scotch?"

She gave him just a hint of a smile. "I'm a tequila girl."

"We got that..."

She shook her head. "No, I'm good. Thanks. I've gotta drive Tory's blissed out ass back to the motel, remember?" She sighed. "Tory doesn't do drugs often, but, well, hell, I'm sure you've done a drug or two in your day..." she winced. "Sorry. I guess...well, you're like Ryan, right? A recovering addict?"

He blew out a breath. "Yeah, I guess so? I mean...yeah. We'll go with that."

They were both quiet a few moments and the silence almost choked him.

"Uh, Sam?"

He blinked and looked at her. "Yeah?"

He watched her sit a little straighter and square her shoulders. "So, uh, what's up? You said you wanted to talk, so..."

He chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his hair before he rubbed the back of his neck. He felt his cheeks burning. "I did, didn't I? Right, so..." He cleared his throat before looking at her soulfully. What he wanted to know, well, it might not be easy for her... "Your sister...what, uh, what was her name?"

He saw the emotions cross across her face as her lip quivered just slightly before she narrowed her eyes, ever so slightly. "Look, Sam, I'm sorry, but I don't...I don't want to..."

"Of course!" he yelped. "I'm sorry. I just...shit. I shouldn't have led with that..." He looked down at his feet before he scooted his ass along the length of the couch and sat on the edge of the cushion, leaning toward her just slightly. He rubbed his hands together before he sighed. "Look, I know we don't know each other, but...can I tell you something?"

She didn't answer, save for shrugging noncommittally.

Taking that as a yes, he plowed on. "No one knows this, but, when we're out on a hunt that involves someone...being possessed, I try, uh, I try to find out as much as I can about their meatsu-victim. I try to find out as much as I can about the victim of the possession. You know; their name, family, job, things like that." He blew out a breath. "Is-is that weird?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "Was I the only one sitting at that dinner table tonight? Sorry, you're gonna have to do a hell of a lot better than that if you want me to start throwing around words like 'weird'. I mean, hello? I just broke bread with the man my..." she snapped her mouth shut, closed her eyes, and shook her head. "No, it's not weird."

His stomach flip-flopped. The masochistic side of him wanted to know what she was going to say. Was she going to blame him for what happened to her sister? She was right. But would they have it out, right here in Dean and Ryan's living room? Of course, it would just be her yelling. He wouldn't fight it. She was right.

"Sam?"

He shook his head and blinked. "Right. Sorry. So, uh, anyway, I don't know, I like to put these names to these...these people that, for whatever reason, get dealt a shitty hand. Maybe it has to do with how I lost my mom and Jess, maybe it's because I was so young when we saved Ryan, that she was a child that some monster..." He blew out a breath. "I don't know. But I like to know, when I'm on a job..." No, that wasn't quite how he wanted to word it. He implored her to understand as he all but whispered, "I don't wanna forget why I'm doing it."

She stared at him pointedly as she crossed her arms. "I don't think your brother shares your point of view."

"Actually, he does. He just...I think, for Dean, to do this, he has to go in, do the job, and if there are any residual feelings about it, he handles it the best way he knows how." He thought a moment before he added, "Which, until recently, usually involved alcohol and violent outbursts."

"Recently?"

He smiled at that. "Ryan's been helping him a lot. I mean, well, she's as guano as I am, but at least, I don't know, this soul mate stuff? They're made for each other. It's like that yin and yang thing, you know?"

She smiled and he loved how it seemed to light her whole face. "Oh, man, did I go through that whole yin/yang phase. I swear, I had bookmarks with that symbol, jewelry, shirts, you name it, I had it. I wanted to believe in that, that there was a balance between good and bad. And maybe there really is."

He nodded. "I guess what I'm trying and failing to say, is, Dean and I, we're both in this for the same reason. But I can't do this job without keeping a human face on it. If it becomes more about killing a monster than helping a person, then I have to question why I continue to do it. Dean doesn't make the job personal, but, I...I dunno, I kind of have to, I guess."

They were both silent another moment before she softly asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

He sucked in another breath. "Well, with Ruby...I told her the only way I'd work with her was if she possessed a dea-uh, I mean, someone who was already deceased. And, well, looking back, she lied about everything else, so I was just wondering..."

Andy's jaw clenched. "Yeah?"

His words tumbled out; "Was she lying about that too? Was your sister...was she..." He cleared his throat as tears threatened him. "Was she still alive?"

Andy's whole body sunk as she blew out the breath she must have been holding. "I don't get it," she stated, her voice almost full of wonder, but most definitely confusion. "I want to be so damn mad at you, Winchester. At both of you. But for some fucking reason, I can't, and I...I don't know why." She shook her head and a tear slipped down her face. "She had been in a car accident. They...they...she was a Jane Doe. She ran away from home and joined a cult after we graduated high school, just up and left one morning. Our parents weren't overly religious people, so, we weren't either, you know? I spent so long looking for her and I'd just found her...I was going to claim her body and she..." she cleared her throat. "I just, I wanted...I needed...I didn't get to say..." She swallowed hard as the tears started falling faster and she angrily swiped at them. "I just wanted closure. She and I'd had a falling out. I need it. And I didn't get it."

Sam winced, but he didn't take his eyes off of her. His hand itched to reach out, to comfort her, and it began moving of its own volition before he snatched it back as if it had been burned. "I'm sorry. Andy...I'm so damn sorry."

She took in a stuttering breath and sighed. "Don't be. It's not your fault. I realize that now. I wanted to blame you guys." She looked down at her hands and cleared her throat. "I did actually. For a long time," she admitted to her lap.

"What changed?" he questioned quietly.

She looked up and he was caught in the soft brown of her eyes. They were so dark, almost black, but not an evil black, they were like a dark night with no moon, or a deep lake. What secrets did they hold?

"It was the job," she answered. "Being a hunter, it-it took the blinders off. Don't get me wrong, revenge got me started, kept me going, but it ended up being...therapeutic, I guess? I'm not an angel, Sam, don't think for a moment I am a decent person. I'm not. I tortured demons, and I know their victims suffered for it. And for that, well, I guess I've got a first class ticket for the train to hell as well, but..." she breathed in and out a few times. "But then there was Ryan, who...set me straight about stuff, for lack of a better term."

Sam smiled. "Yeah, she does that."

"She's awesome, and she's now my family in every since of the word but blood." She gave him just another hint of a smile. "I think she instills loyalty into a lot of people. You included, am I right?"

He nodded. "Even if she wasn't Dean's...yeah, I feel like I need to protect her, you know?"

She inclined her head. "Yeah, I do." She bit her lip. "So, anyway, you can rest easy about my sister, okay? We're good."

He was taken aback. "You sure?"

She thought a moment. "Yeah, I am. But I gotta ask..."

Sam upended his beer. His throat was bone dry. "Ask away," he said when he put the bottle down.

"Okay, well, not trying to sound like a bitch here, but, why does any of that matter now?"

It was one question he wasn't expecting to answer. "I, uh, well, the thing is..." He sat his bottle on the coffee table, half stood, then folded himself down next to her on the floor. "The things is...I never bothered to find those things out about your sister. None of it. Her family, if she _had _family, none of it. Because, well, because I didn't want to. I guess, because of how things went down, how they ended up," he sighed. "For the first time, it got _too _personal, you know? But now it's like we have this, this...this shared history we didn't even know about and..."

"And?" she asked, another soft smile playing at her lips.

"And, look, I don't know why it matters, but, it does. And I need you to understand. I just...I felt like it was important for you to know that. To know this stuff, about me." A puzzled look overcame her face and he realized what it was he said but he couldn't take it back now. He had the feeling he'd revealed too much, he'd freak her out, make her run, and he didn't know how to handle that. He felt dinner and the beers swirling around in his stomach and he looked at her wide eyed. "Uhhhh..."

She blinked and her brows furrowed before she smiled, a huge ass smile that looked almost as if she were amused by him. To his surprise, her hand reached out to his arm. "Sam? Are you okay?"

He stood suddenly, unsure of what to say. "Okay? Pfft, I'm fine. Yep, better than okay. I'm..." he looked down at his watch. It was really freaking late. "Shit! How'd it get so late?" He thumbed toward the door and the safety of his room. _What the hell is the matter with me_? He started walking backwards, almost stumbled over the coffee table, and she giggled, causing him to stop dead.

He looked down at her. "I, uh, yeah, I got a thing, so, uh, goodnight?"

She smiled as she, too, stood. "Yeah, I got a girl waiting in the car that's probably horny and tired." Her nose curled. "I hope to God she goes to sleep. If I have to hear her get herself off tonight, Ryan's lovely pork chop dinner is gonna come back up."

His mouth fell open. "Do you do that on a hunt?!" His mind suddenly filled with images. Dirty, dirty images that made him thankful he had on tight blue jeans to constrict the blood flow down south.

She chuckled throatily and, yep, it didn't help anything below the belt. "Well, _I _don't, but Tory's not exactly a nun over there. I mean, not that I don't..." She blushed, just slightly. "Well, let's just say I'm not a nun either, but I don't make it a point of getting myself off while a friend is in the same room."

That comment fried his brain. He seriously needed sex. He doubted his hand would do it, but he'd give it the old college try tonight. He blinked and threw his brother right under the damn bus as he covered by saying, "Yeah, Dean was a total horn dog, too, back in the day."

"Is he good for Ryan? Really? Can a man change that much just because he falls in love?"

He pondered that a moment. "I think he always _wanted _to be this way, but the road, the life we've led, well, it hasn't led us to what he has now, not until now, anyway. He's always wanted this, whether he admits it or not. And, too, sometimes, he just forgot he wanted it."

They stood in awkward silence for a moment. "Well, I need to go..." Andy started.

"Right! Yes, sorry about that..." He rubbed the back of his neck again.

She smiled uncertainly and hoisted her backpack up on her shoulder. "I, uh, Ryan said I could borrow some of the Men of Letters lore books. I'll read this one tonight and bring it back..."

"No! It's fine. Sure! Keep it as long as you want. Really. Which one? No, it doesn't matter. Just, enjoy it, and, uh, yeah, that's cool."

She smiled as she walked to him and he moved so she could walk past him. She shuffled the backpack again and the scent caught his nose; old books. It was always his favorite scent in the world. "That bag looks heavy. What else ya got in there?"

She sat the bag on the arm of the sofa and reached inside, flipping through them. "I got the lore book from Ryan, a copy of Dante's Inferno, no comments from the peanut gallery," she added as he opened his mouth to comment, "A rare book on bridal traditions I found I wanted Ryan to look at, and, oh, my mom's copy of Shakespeare's tragedies."

"You like Shakespeare?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really. But my mom did. And, well, I share her love of reading. When she died, well, we weren't as close as we used to be. That was one thing I took and kept with me." She pulled it out and showed it to him. "But if I had to chose, Hamlet is my favorite."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I think...I appreciate his feelings on death and humanity."

He nodded at that. "Yeah, I get that."

She moved a step closer and he could smell coffee on her as well. Ryan had made the girls some fancy lattes to go along with their dessert. He caught the scent of caramel and cream. He licked his lips and swallowed as saliva pooled in his mouth.

She blinked up at him and he noticed just how long her eyelashes were. She smiled again. "So, I guess I need to go..."

He shook himself out of his stupor. "Yeah, me too. I got the thing, in the morning. Gotta get up early..."

"Yeah, uh, me too." She walked to the door and he walked with her so he could lock it behind her. He watched her walk to the steps. He could hear "Eclipse" by Pink Floyd blaring from Tory's van.

"My God. She's already got Dark Side of the Moon cued up. I bet you dollars to doughnuts she's watching The Wizard of Oz out there on her portable DVD player..."

Sam laughed. "Did she ever meet Ash?"

Andy rolled her eyes. "From what I heard, she and Doctor Badass did the dirty deed more than a few times when she and Ryan were hunting together."

Sam shook his head. "I just...I can't believe how Ryan's life ran parallel to Dean's. She knew Ellen, Jo, Bobby, all the hunters we knew, but they didn't..."

Andy shrugged. "I know some of them, too, Sam. I stayed hidden because of Ruby. Luckily, you two and Bobby seemed to be the only ones that knew her. But it sucked. Bobby sounds like he would have been such a cool guy. I wish I could have met him."

Sam nodded. "He was one of the best."

"It hurt her when he died. Ryan, I mean. She really loved him."

"He was the only one that knew about Hope for the longest time." He paused. "You aren't mad over that?"

She shrugged. "I didn't know how to feel, but an idiot could have seen she felt something for you guys. I just didn't know who or how much." She paused and bit her lip as if thinking about something. Finally, she nodded to herself. "Ariel," she stated softly.

His brows furrowed. "Huh?"

She smiled. "My sister. Her name was Ariel." Her smile grew. "Like The Little Mermaid. I used to give her such shit for that." she blew out a breath. "I'd almost forgotten..."

He couldn't stop himself and did reach out to touch her shoulder. She didn't shy away as he was afraid she'd do. Instead, she almost moved into his touch and he couldn't stop the smile that slowly spread across his face. "Thanks."

She looked into his eyes and he saw warmth in hers. "Thanks for the talk." She turned then and he watched her walk down steps. He walked in and had almost pushed the door shut when he heard her giggle and say to herself, "Wow. That was _weird._" He chuckled as he locked up for the night. It might have been weird, but it wasn't a bad weird. Right?

* * *

**Ryan POV**

Meanwhile, Ryan was getting ready for bed. Dean was so clueless sometimes. Oh well. At least he was pretty. As she washed her face, she heard Dean come into the bathroom. He'd gone to check on the kids, make sure there wasn't any sounds of war coming from downstairs, and now he had stripped down to his boxer briefs and tee to brush his teeth. "It's just weird, you know?" he said finally around his toothbrush and a mouth full of toothpaste.

She looked up with soap still on her face. She was glad they had double sinks. It made things easier for them to get ready at night. And, too, she liked doing this stuff side-by-side with him. "What is?"

He spit the toothpaste out and shrugged. "All of it. I mean, how weird is our lives that you're best friends with the twin to the person that royally fucked over my brother? It boggles the mind."

She rinsed her face and wiped it with a towel. "What do you want me to say? News flash, sugar, ain't nothing about our lives normal. I mean..." she pulled her shirt over her head, stepped out of her pants, and walked to the bedroom. He picked up her clothes and followed her out as she stripped out of her bra and shrugged into her sleep shirt. "Come on. Think about it. The only reason we hooked up is because an angel of the lord commanded it, we got three kids, ain't none of them normal, and we hunt monsters for a living."

"You don't mean that, do you?"

She blinked and her brows furrowed. "Okay, I guess we also research monsters for other people to hunt..."

"No, not that. You...do you really think that's the only reason we hooked up? Because Gabe said so? Because we got smacked in the ass with some cupid's arrow? You're wrong. I love _you_. Not because some douchbag with wings told me to."

She smiled, walked to him, and put a hand on his face. "You know, just when I think you're going to be an insufferable asshole, you come back with the sweetest shit." She stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. "No, I don't think that's the only reason we hooked up. But it is a contributing factor. And our kids aren't normal. And we hunt monsters. So...why is this so out of your realm of apprehension?"

"I just don't want her messing him around. I've looked after him my whole life. The only reason he took up with her was because I wasn't there. I was in Hell and I just..."

She bit her lip and guided him to the bed where they both sat. "Look, Dean, you can't blame yourself for that. Sam's a grown up. And he was, even then. He knew he was playing with fire with his gift. That evil shit...well, let's call a spade a spade and say it's evil. And it scares me to think one of our kids has that untapped potential. But we'll just...we'll have to deal with it as it comes. But Sam? He's old enough, strong enough, to make up his own damn mind. And if he thinks Andy's okay..."

"I just don't want him..." Dean shook his head. "I dunno. I just don't want him doing something stupid."

Ryan smiled. She still had her suspicions, and the fact Sam could easily recognize Andy wasn't Ruby, especially given how angry and out of control Dean had been about the thing? She wondered if maybe that link was already budding between her brother in law and her friend. How did that work? Did a cupid actually have to touch them? She'd never seen a cupid do its work before. Were they invisible sometimes when they did their dirty work? Had one been in the house this very evening? Or did it run deeper than that? Too many questions, not enough answers.

"If he does something stupid," she finally said, "He'll learn from it. He has before. So have I. So have you. But Andy is one of the good ones. She's a great person, Dean. Just give her a chance, okay?"

He blew out breath. "Yeah, okay. I guess so."

She nodded. "Good. Now..." she shoved him onto his back and slithered on top of him. "As a reward for your good behavior..."

"Yeah?" he smiled as his hands traveled up her sides.

"I'm not going to be mad at you for openly oogling my friend's tits." She slid off of him and walked to the other side of the bed to put lotion on her legs.

He turned over, got to his knees and just looked at her like a sad little puppy as she put the cream on first one leg, then the other. Dean loved the smell of her lotion. As a matter of fact, he'd taken a travel sized one with him when he and Sam went after a kitsune last month. She didn't want to know what he did with it, but she was fairly certain it was his aid as they'd had phone sex that night.

"Come _on_!" he whined. "You can't be pissed over that! I mean, they were out there! I couldn't not look at them! If Sam whipped his wang out, you'd look at it!"

Her nose curled. "No, I probably wouldn't."

"Liar. You've looked at him without his shirt on!"

"There's a difference!" she began but she shook her head and held up a hand. "Nope, sooooo not gonna fall into this trap, Dean. You coming to bed or what?"

He blinked. "We're not gonna argue?"

She thought about that a moment. It was usually their M.O. to argue a bit and not let the other even try to explain their way out of it. It was stupid and she really wasn't in the mood. And, well, hell, if Sam were standing there naked, Dean was right, she'd look. She wasn't a saint after all... But she'd be damned if she'd admit that one to him. So, instead, she said, "You know what? It ain't worth it." She gave him a slow grin. "Just skip to the makeup sex already."

"Seriously?"

"You're a guy. She's hot. Hell, I've looked at her before. I've seen Tory naked, too. And trust me, she's really pretty fucking sexy under those clothes..."

Dean's eyebrow rose, as if trying to decide if she was tricking him or not. She smiled again. "Seriously. Just, come on over here and fuck me." He gave her a smirk and pounced.

* * *

The next day, Sam and Dean took the boys to the bunker with them while Ryan went with Andy, Tory, and the girls to the mall. They got mani/pedi's, had lunch, and just enjoyed spending time together. It had been a long time since Ryan felt like a _girl. _Jody had been busy, so they hadn't had a chance to use Ryan's gift certificate for the spa day yet. They went back home and the three women collapsed on the sofa while the two girls laid across the wing backed chairs.

"What's on the boob tube?" Tory asked as she snagged the remote.

Ryan shrugged and pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Wonder where my boys are?"

Andy grinned. "All your boys?"

Ryan chuckled. "Yep, all four of them." She dialed Dean's number and when he answered, she said, "Take me to bed, or lose me forever."

She could hear the smile in his voice. "You're watching Top Gun again, aren't you?"

She glanced at the TV. Tory had turned it on and it was at the point at the end where Maverick jumped into the dogfight. "Hey, 80's Cruise always gets a pass."

"You like A Few Good Men," he countered.

"Everyone knows the Eighties didn't end until like, 1998."

He didn't have a comeback for that.

"So, we're home. Wanna bring the boys back?"

"Yeah, in a bit. We, uh, we caught a case..."

Ryan stood and walked to the foyer so she could hear over the giggles from the women and girls in the room as they discussed the latest Hollywood actors. "What is it?"

"We aren't sure. Thinking it might be a shifter..."

"Okay, bring the boys home, grab your gear and go."

"You sure?"

She glanced at the living room and smiled. "I've got plenty of help and company."

"I hate it's such short notice, but the body count's going up by the minute..."

"Bring the boys home. You two need to go out and get him."

"You don't mind not going with me?" She and Sam had been trading off hunts with Dean over the past few months. It was technically her turn, but she didn't want to leave since Andy just got here.

"I don't think we need to leave Sam and Andy alone, do you?" she inquired. Not that she thought they'd have a problem, actually, but it was still so new. She couldn't possibly do that to either of them.

"Good point. Okay. We'll be back in about an hour. Wanna take Bobby to get some food first. I promised him a hot dog."

She smiled. Even though she could hear the worry in Dean's voice about the victims of this hunt, he wanted to make sure their son was looked after. "Okay. We'll be here."

By the time Sam and Dean arrived back at the house, each one was carrying a sleeping boy on their shoulders. "Okay, I'm about to go girly, but that's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen," Tory said as she glanced up at the sound of the door opening. "Damn. You got time for a quicky, Sam? I've never seen you sexier, and I've seen you covered in the blood of our enemies."

He blushed all the way up to the tips of his ears and cleared his throat. "I'm good, Tor. Thanks."

She shrugged. "Eh, well, your loss. Good thing I brought Mr. McTickles with me. He'll get me off..."

"Mr...?" he began but then he started shaking his head vehemently. "Not just no...not touching that one with a ten foot pole," he muttered as he turned and carried Jon up the stairs.

Ryan chuckled and looked at Dean. "I take it he ate?"

Dean grinned. "Not only did he eat, we started looking over stuff in the bunker. Ryan, he's remembering."

She blinked. "How? What do you mean?"

"I mean, he told me stuff I didn't even know about demons. I looked it up in the bunker files. He's right. He remembers things. Not a lot, but it's coming. And, then, to celebrate, I let him shoot the pellet gun."

Ryan nodded. She hadn't been thrilled when he told her he wanted Bobby to learn how to shoot with the small pistol that only shot pellets, but he was deadly accurate with NERF guns already. She supposed it was time. Besides, he was almost four and an angel. Nothing would be really normal for the kid. "Was he okay? He wasn't scared or anything, was he?"

Dean shot her a look. "He was showing off, if you ask me."

Ryan smiled at that. "Sounds like the Gabriel I know and love."

He glanced around the room. They had moved on and were now watching Bridesmaids. It was one of the funniest movies she'd watched lately. They were all snacking on chocolate or popcorn. He smiled. "You guys having fun?"

The only answers he got were a chorus of shushes from around the room. He bent and gave Ryan a kiss before he took Bobby upstairs as well.

Ryan was waiting for him when he came back downstairs, his duffel bag packed and slung over his shoulder. Sam emerged from the basement at the same time. She bit her lip. "Would you be okay if the girls just stay here while ya'll are gone? I wanted...I wanted to ask first."

Something passed in his eyes before he nodded. "It's your house, too, Ryan. Hell, you let Sammy stay here."

"Thanks, douche," Sam growled, but he was smiling.

Dean shrugged. "So, if you want them to stay here while we're gone, then, yeah. I mean, I'm not thrilled with Andy, but apparently I'm the only person that doesn't trust her, and well, I know it's pointless, okay? Gimme time. I hold grudges a lot worse than Sam does."

Ryan tried not to giggle and failed spectacularly. Dean smiled. "Gimme those lips, woman," he commanded as he pulled her to him.

She kissed him for all she was worth and both of them were breathless when they pulled away. They heard catcalls from the living room to find Tory and Andy watching them. "I give it an eight point five for style," Andy stated.

"And a nine point nine for hot as fuck," Tory added as she fanned herself.

Dean's eyes narrowed at Tory. "Watch your language around my kids, Allard."

Hope looked at Krissy and they both giggled. Ryan had noticed Dean had started referring to Krissy as his...and the girl hadn't told him otherwise.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Hey, eyes on me." She pecked him on the lips and put her hand on his cheek before she ran it up into his hair. "Take care of yourself, watch out for Sammy, and come home in one piece, okay?"

He nodded with a small smile. "Can do."

She walked over to Sam and hugged him. "Take care of yourself, watch out for Dean, and come home in one piece, got it?"

Sam smile blazed. "Yes, ma'am."

She smiled at both of them. "Okay, get gone."

"Ryan! Get your butt in here!" Andy called just as the wedding scene morphed into the Wilson Phillips tribute. The girls all started singing loudly and Ryan chuckled as she kissed Dean one last time before she dashed back into the room and jumped over the couch, landing in Tory and Andy's laps as they all sang.

She heard Dean mutter as they walked out, "They're crazy, Sam. What the hell did I get myself into?"

"I don't know, but I want it."

Ryan glanced over at Andy who was singing her heart out. _You'll get it, sometime soon, _she promised her brother in law in her head.

* * *

**AN2: Okay...I got a little girlie. I won't apologize. Hope you enjoyed! In case you haven't noticed, things are happening differently than they did in the other timeline. There's a very good reason for that. Hehehehe.**


	44. Sound of Madness

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Supernatural. If I did, I'd probably be fired by now I've abandoned you all for so long!**

**AN: I know, I know...I should have had this out weeks ago. I've had a shitty couple of weeks with a ton of crap raining down like brown teardrops. No lie. Anyway, I'm back and hopefully I'm back to once a week. OMG. Not much longer and the new season will be out! Yessss! I can't wait for the season 10 DVD either!**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I'm glad to know those of you reading are loving the story as much as I am. Not to worry, we still have a lot of story and a lot of surprises coming your way!**

* * *

**May Twelfth **

**Ryan POV**

Ryan woke with a start. Something...something wasn't right. She shook Dean's arm. "Dean."

"Hungh? Whazzup?" he asked sleepily.

"Something's wrong."

That woke him fully. "What?"

She shook her head. "I don't...I don't know."

He glared at her in the soft moonlight floating through the window. "That doesn't help, babe."

She swallowed hard. "I just...I don't know. Something...it's not right."

He sighed. "I'll grab the saw-ed off. You thinking ghost, or...?"

Her brows furrowed. "I don't...I don't think so. I don't know. It's just..." she licked her lips. "Something's off in the mom force..."

His lips quirked. "Then we'd better check the girl's room first." She wasn't sure how it had happened, she'd planned on Krissy having her own room, but Kris and Hope had moved in together. Krissy said she figured she would be Hope's hunting partner and she wanted to break her of bad habits before they started, but Ryan was pretty sure Kris just really liked the younger girl. They were best friends and now they were like friends that became sisters. It was sweet.

"You don't think..."

He winced. "I wouldn't put it past them."

She sucked in a breath and blew it out. She knew Hope had wanted to go on a hunt, and she was Winchester stubborn, but Krissy was usually the one talking Hope out of bad ideas. If they'd gone on a hunt or anywhere for that matter...Ryan was going to be pissed off.

Dean looked at her again. "Why don't I go in there? If you do you're going to blow a gasket..."

He was damn right about that. So she nodded. "Okay. I'll...I'll wait."

He stood, slid into a tee shirt and sleep pants, and walked out of the room. She took that opportunity to get up as well, slipping her own pair of sleep pants on and sat on the edge of the bed. Waiting.

When he reappeared, she could see it all over his face. "I'm going to kill them," she muttered.

"Just one of us," Krissy stated as she followed Dean in. She held up both hands. "I swear...she was here when I went to sleep, although, now that I think about it, I was pretty tired..."

"Pretty tired as in...?"

"She, uh, may have used a sleeping spell on me?"

"WHAT?!"

Krissy winced. "You knew we were working on the Men of Letter's spells, right?"

Ryan blew a breath out of her nose. "Yeah. I was letting you two look at them. We agreed it would be good for you to have some witchcraft in your pocket in case you came up on too many monsters at one time. All the hunters need to know this." She turned to Dean. "You might not have liked Magnus' style, but he had a point with the witchcraft."

He held up a hand. "Not disagreeing with you. Anything to keep my girls, all my girls, safe, works for me. But, Kris...you don't...you have no idea where she went?"

Krissy shook her head. "She's been acting weird lately. I figured she was working on a new spell. She gets like that. Her memories are still floating in so she tries to see if she can remember them. Usually they just give her a headache and then she remembers, but this one..." Krissy blew out a breath. "I don't know. It was different."

"Like...went out on a hunt, different?"

Krissy grimaced. "Maybe?"

"Well, she can't fly yet, she doesn't have her wings. So...the question begs, how'd she get where she was going?" Dean wondered aloud.

Ryan and Dean shared a look, their eyes widening, as they ran out of the room, down the stairs, and out to the yard. "SON OF A BITCH!" Dean roared. "She stole my baby!" Ryan started laughing and he glared at her. "Not funny, babe."

She shook her head, huffed out another breath, and collapsed onto the porch steps. "I know. It isn't. But I just..." she sighed. "She's taken what you've taught her and what I've taught her and fucked us both over. I'm so mad, if I didn't laugh, I'd spontaneously combust. I just..." She chuckled until she started crying. "I'm going to kill her. Dean, you can't let me kill her."

He glanced at her, and she guessed he sensed she wasn't lying, because he nodded. "Do you want me to handle the punishment?"

Her jaw set. "Oh, no. Definitely not. I just want you to hold me back so I don't take it too far. Just far enough."

He nodded. "Fine by me." He collapsed down on the porch steps beside her. "So...what are we going to do?"

Her jaw set. "We're going in there, making a pot of coffee, and waiting for her to come home."

He grinned. "We gonna sit in the dark and scare the shit out of her when she walks in? Because I'm cool with that."

Her eyes narrowed. "Something like that." She glanced behind them. Krissy was standing quietly. "Go on back to bed, sugar. This isn't your fault. You're not going to be punished."

Still, Kris stood there. Ryan looked at her, deadpan. "Go. Now," she ordered a bit more firmly.

Krissy's mouth opened, she seemed to think, then said, "I know it's not my place, but she really just wants to hunt."

"Kris..."

"I get it. She's a kid. A young kid. But she's an angel and a Winchester to boot. Just...take that into consideration, okay? Don't keep her under a rock because she's a kid. Because, she's not. Not really. Okay?"

Ryan took in another great breath, blew it out, and nodded. "We will take that under advisement."

Krissy nodded and walked back inside.

Ryan leaned her head against Dean's shoulder. "And we have two more Winchesters coming up. We're screwed, Dean."

He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her to him, giving her hair a kiss. "Yeah? Well, at least we've got each other. We're a team, babe. We can do this."

"I thank God for you, Dean, that you're here with me. I couldn't...I couldn't do this alone."

He kissed her temple again as his hands ran down her tangled curls. "Never again. You're never gonna have to do this alone again."

They sat quietly for a moment before she asked, "You ever gonna own up to how Bobby broke the kitchen chair?"

"You gonna be mad if I admit it was my fault?" he countered.

She shook her head. "I'm seriously considering strangling our daughter. Trust me. Nothing could make me much madder at the moment."

"Okay, so, while you'd run to the grocery, we, uh, we were playing superheroes and villains..."

"Yeah?"

"And, uh, and he was the superhero. I was the villain."

Her lip twitched. "Uh-huh."

"And, I, uh, I let him tie me up to the chair."

"Dean..."

"He can really tie some knots, let me tell you. Then he dropped the game, informed me he wanted a snack, proceeded to go to the pantry, make himself a mixed bowl of junk food, and wandered off to the living room, leaving me tied up."

She was trying hard not to laugh. She smiled and licked her lips. "So...you broke the chair to get free?"

"So I broke the chair to get free. I spanked his butt, he threw up because he ate too much, too fast, and I had it all cleaned up by the time you got home."

She chuckled lightly as she leaned against him. "Thanks for that. I think you both got your punishment on that one."

He chortled. "Yeah, we both learned our lesson from that experience, thank you very much."

She shook her head. "What are we going to do if she doesn't come home, Dean?"

"Well...for now, we wait. We don't want to jeopardize her safety by going in guns blazing if she's handling something easy. But...if she's not home by sun-up, well, I put low-jack on the Impala, just in case of something like this."

"You're kidding!"

He shook his head. "The kid's mine. If it wasn't her, it would be another one of them stealing the car. I put it on the Falcon, too. And Krissy's jeep. Basically, if it's got a motor, it's got a tracker on it."

"You're a genius, Dean Winchester. Don't ever let anyone else tell you different."

"Yeah? Well, she tries this stunt again, she's gonna have a lock on the outside of her bedroom door. She said Heaven felt like a prison? Well, she'll find out what real prison feels like. Three hots and a cot."

"She ain't gonna be far off from that now," Ryan told him. "Because by the time I'm done with her, she'll wish she was in a federally funded facility."

* * *

They went inside. They drank a pot of coffee. Sam got up. He joined them in the second pot. They sat in silence that seemed to get more strained by the second until first light when Ryan stood and pushed her chair away from the table, noticing the two men winced at the sound. "I'm going after her," she declared. Just then, they heard it...the faint sound of the Impala coming down the road.

"If she dented the car, she's fixing it," Dean growled.

"If she dented herself, I'm breaking her," Ryan snarled.

Sam stood and cleared his throat. "I, uh, I think I'll let you two handle this." They both looked at him. "What? She doesn't need a third parent. You two have this. I'll just...uh...yeah," he nodded to himself, walked over, sat his cup in the sink, then walked out.

Dean and Ryan shared a look. "You ready for this, Winchester?" she asked.

"I was born ready," he commented.

They heard her footfalls on the porch. Ryan had to hand it to the girl, she was being quiet. Stealth was something Hope had been having issues with, but it seemed as though she'd managed it. The door creaked open and then shut with a quiet 'snick' as the girl turned and headed toward the stairs.

"And just where do you think you're going, young lady?" Ryan demanded.

Hope stood stock still a moment and Ryan heard her whisper, "Shit."

"You're caught, Hope. Fess up now, make the punishment a little less severe," Dean told her.

"There is no way this is less severe," Ryan stated. "Your ass is grass and your father and I are the lawnmowers. Well, he's a lawnmower. I'm a tractor because I'm going to plow your ass."

Dean smiled and started to chuckle, but a glare from Ryan had him clearing his throat. "Come on, Hope. Get in here now."

She turned then and that's when Ryan saw, her whole front was covered in blood. "Hope!" she exclaimed as she jumped up to look the girl over.

"It's not mine, Mom. I barely got a scratch. The fang was a real bleeder..."

"You took on a vampire?"

Hope smirked that damned Winchester smirk. "Five. There was a nest. It was awesome."

"Holy shit. You took on a whole nest of vampires? By yourself?" Dean's tone was nothing short of awed.

"What? Like it's hard?"

"Yes, 'Legally Blonde' it's hard!" Ryan shouted. "The only time your father was able to take on a nest of fang by himself, he WAS a vampire! I can't...I just...I'm so fucking..." she started shaking her head and couldn't stop. "I want to strangle you. Like, seriously, I am so mad at you, my fingers itch to be wrapped around your damn throat! You aren't omnipotent, Hope! You could have been killed!"

"I was fine! They never even touched me! I wouldn't have gotten hurt if I hadn't tripped over one of their victims..."

"You...I..." Ryan shook her head again and looked to Dean for help.

He glared at Hope. "Look, kid, you want us to be impressed you took on a nest? We are, okay? You proved your point. You can hunt. But, damn it, Hope, you're a kid."

"I'm an angel!" she shouted.

"I don't give a flying fuck if you were the queen angel! That ain't how we work!" he shouted back at her. "We decided you were too young to hunt, so you were benched. Don't get pissy over it now."

"YOU DECIDED! Not me! I didn't even get a say!"

"Hope, You're a kid, baby, you're a tween, for God's sake!" Ryan exclaimed. "You should be worried about boys and dances and school! Not about your kill total!"

"I don't...this isn't...it's my job, damn it!" the girl shouted. "And I will not apologize for it!"

"You. Are. A. Child." Ryan reminded her. "And at the moment, you're acting like one! Like a petulant child, pissed because Mommy and Daddy didn't give her what she wanted. Of course, our child wouldn't want a pony! Oh, no! She'd want a damn hunt! Well, guess what, sugar? I hope like hell you enjoyed it. Because you're not hunting again until you're fourteen!"

"What?! Why?! That's two years away! You can't punish me that long!"

Ryan crossed her arms. "I believe I just did."

Hope's nostrils flared. "I hate this. I hate you! I hate every moment of this God-forsaken life! I wish I'd never agreed to Gabriel's deal!"

"Yeah?! Well guess what? That makes two of us!" Ryan shot back.

"Whoa," Dean muttered, stepping between them, giving them each a gentle shove to separate them. "Chill, both of you. You're fast on the track to saying something you can't take back. Trust me. I know. Just...Hope, you're grounded. For the next month, at the very least."

"But...Daddy..."

He shook his head. "Don't you 'but Daddy' me, sweetheart. You're lucky it's not for longer. No hunts. You'll continue to train, but that's it. You go to school, you come home. You get to be in the play because it would punish everyone else rather than just you, but other than that, no trips to the mall. No studying at the diner because you and Krissy can eat all the french fries you want. None of that. Now, go upstairs. Get some sleep. I'm sure you're tired. Where was it?"

"Hastings."

"Nebraska?!"

"Yeah."

He shook his head. "Go get some sleep," he repeated. "I'll call the school. But you're going in for second period. You should have thought about that. I'll drive you there myself and walk you in."

"But..."

"You say 'but' one more time, princess, I'm gonna walk in wearing your mom's cutoffs and a belly shirt. Do. Not. Push. Me."

Her eyes narrowed and she whipped her head around before she stomped out of the room and up the stairs. They heard her door slam, jarring the whole house.

Dean rounded on Ryan. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" she shouted.

"Not hunt until she's fourteen? Telling her you regret the deal? Dick move, Ryan."

She crossed her arms as her eyes narrowed. _I didn't say that, did I? I was right in this, wasn't I? _Her lip started quivering as she realized, he was right. She'd said that stuff. "I didn't..." She let out a gasp and sank onto the chair as the sobs ripped from her. "I didn't mean it...God, Dean...what did I do?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure she doesn't regret her end of the deal either, so I think you're both alright."

"I need to..." she stood and made to walk to the stairs but he grabbed her arm.

"Whoa, chick. You're not going anywhere."

"I need..." Her and Hope had never been at odds before, not like this.

"You can tell her when you're both calm. Give it time. She needs to blow off some steam. I'm sure she's arguing Krissy's ear off as we speak."

"But I just... I..."

He shook his head. "Take it from someone who's put his foot in his mouth more than once; it's fine. You both have some apologizing to do. Give her time, then both of you can really listen and mean it. I'd bet money she's about to feel really shitty for what she said, too. Let Kris calm her down. Maybe you should take her to school. You two can talk in the car on the way over."

She felt like shit but there was nothing she could do now. He was right. As angry as they both were, they'd probably only continue the argument and that would get them nowhere quick. Maybe needed to wait a few hours, let both of them calm down, then she could drive her girl to school. If he was suggesting it, clearly he was going to watch the littlest monsters. Her lips quirked as something occurred to her. "You want me to wear the cutoffs and belly shirt?"

"And you be the wet dream for all those sick little fucks in high school? Are you crazy? Hell no. No, you'll go in your slippers, robe, and curlers in your hair."

"I don't own slippers, I use a flat iron, and the only robe I have is that short silky number you like me in. So...now what?"

"I'll think of something. But don't...don't wear any of that. You'll just stir the pot and you don't need that."

She giggled. "I love you. I'm sorry. I just...the thought of her getting hurt..." Another sob threatened and she couldn't stop it as the tears started anew.

He pulled her close and hugged her. "I know, babe. I know. It's over. But, damn. She took on a nest? Five vampires? That's...that's kick ass. Am I wrong?"

She pulled away and shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "Nah, I'm pretty damned proud of her, too. She's still punished though."

"Naturally. But five vampires? By herself?" he let out a low whistle. "I'd have shit my pants if I came up on five vampires when I was her age."

"No, you wouldn't. You'd have given them that damn smirk I'm sure she wore the whole time and told them to eat you."

He thought about that a moment. "Yeah, you're probably right. Guess she got my stupidity."

Ryan bit her lip. "But she got your sense of justice, too. That ain't a bad thing."

* * *

Ryan trudged up the stairs three hours later, Jon on her hip. He needed a diaper change.

"Mama? Sissy in trouble?" she heard from behind her. Bobby had followed her up the stairs.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, bud, she's in trouble."

"She's gonna get spankings wike me?"

Ryan shook her head as she walked into the boys' room. "No. She gets worse. She gets stuff taken away from her."

He looked on his bed at Blue. "Wike Bwu?" he asked in horror.

Ryan knelt down to his level despite the baby wiggling in her arms. "Trust me, Bobby, I would never, in a million years, no matter what you did, take Blue away from you. Okay?"

"Okay," he said, his voice full of relief.

She smiled and stood before walking over to change Jon. "But she is most definitely in trouble. Be glad you aren't, mister."

"I's being good, Mommy!" Bobby swore. "I pwomise!"

She chuckled under her breath. "Is that so? Daddy told me about the superheroes and villains game you two played."

Bobby grinned but then turned somber when he realized she was watching him. "It was fun?" he offered.

Her eyebrow shot up. In instances like that, she could almost see Gabriel. She smirked. He really was the angel. Sometimes it jumped up and surprised her. "Sure, Angel. Whatever you say," she replied as she cleaned Jon and snapped him back into his onesie before she placed him on the floor with his baby toys. He immediately picked up a squeaky dump truck and started gnawing on it.

"I good some of the time," the boy clarified.

Ryan smiled over at him. He was bashfully rubbing Blue's hair. "Okay. I trust you, Robert Gabriel. Now, are you two going to play here for a minute while I go talk to Sissy?"

Bobby nodded. "I wook afters Jon wike Daddy wooks after Unca Sam."

Ryan knelt before him, ran a hand over the boy's hair and down to his cheek. She couldn't see Gabriel in him looks wise, but he was definitely Dean's son. He looked like his father at that age, complete with the sandy colored hair, though his eyes were more hazel than green. "I know you do. You're so much like your daddy. I love you, buddy."

"I luffs you," he replied before he walked over and plopped down on the floor where she'd sat his brother. "Wook, Jon. A pwane!" he exclaimed as he handed Jon a toy airplane.

Her heart was full of love. But it was also full of anger. She was still so damned angry at Hope. But she was calm now. She realized why the girl did what she did, but that didn't make it right. So, she squared her shoulders and walked to Hope and Krissy's room. She tapped on the door lightly. "Hold your fire. I come to talk peace," she managed as she opened the door.

Hope was laying on her bed on her back, her arms crossed, dressed and ready for school. She'd taken a shower at some point, but from the shadows under her eyes, it was painfully obvious the girl needed more sleep. "Yes, Warden?" she sniped.

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Look, I know we aren't seeing eye to eye on this, but you've got to listen to what I have to say." She didn't perch on Hope's bed, instead, she went to sit on Krissy's. She sucked in a breath. "Hope, seriously, I'd appreciate it if you'd look at me."

The girl glanced over, huffed out a breath, then continued staring a hole in the ceiling.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let me say what I have to say, then. I know, okay? I know how frustrating it is to want to be grown but you're not. I know this sucks for you. But your dad and I came to this decision after careful consideration."

"Why?" Hope managed and Ryan could hear the girl trying not to cry. "I just...I did it, Mom. I took everything you guys have taught me and I showed you I could do it."

"But what if you'd have gotten in over your head? Hopey..." she sucked in another breath. "Hope, you're a beautiful girl. You're an angel, yes, but right now, you're just an advanced human. You have minimal powers, minimal strengths...what if there had been ten? Fifteen? Twenty? What then? I know you, you're enough like your father not to back down. You wouldn't have run screaming for the hills. You'd have taken them on and gotten yourself killed or turned or something..."

"That...that wouldn't happen," Hope stated, somewhat uncertainly as she glanced over.

"And what if they'd have gotten you down, huh? If they'd have overpowered you..." Ryan shook her head as her eyes began to sting. "I've been in that position, Hope. There are things they can take from you. Things...things you..." Ryan swallowed hard and looked skyward. "I don't ever want you to be afraid like I was. But it can happen. Even to an angel. Now, I'd like to think if you were in grave danger, your grace would flare and you'd overcome them, but what if it didn't? We can't take those kinds of risks."

Hope sat up and stared at her. "Mom. I was fine. I know my grace would have saved me."

"Your life, maybe. Yeah, I doubt your grace would let you die a human death. But what if...Hopey...they could still attack you, overpower you, hurt you more than you can even imagine. I just...the thoughts of that happening to you, of you being stripped of that quick smile and caring nature...to become a shell like I was..." Ryan took a stuttering breath and looked skyward as she blinked until her eyes cleared. "I just can't, okay? So, your dad and I decided to bench you. It wasn't forever, just for a few more months, just until school let out. But then you had to go and..." Ryan bit her lip as her temper flared despite her wet eyes.

Hope used that opportunity to throw herself into her mother's arms. "Mama, I'm sorry, okay? I just wanted to show you I could do it."

Ryan kissed her daughter's hair. "I love you, baby, so much, okay? I thank God Gabriel brought you to me. Every day."

Hope pulled away to look at her but Ryan still held onto both of her arms. "I'm so glad I accepted. I was just mad and..."

"And that Winchester temper got the best of you," Ryan finished.

Hope's eyebrow shot up. "I dunno...the Fawcett is kind of strong, too."

Ryan took in a breath and blew it out. "I know. You're right."

"We can't fight. We gotta stay strong against the boys. Especially when Ben and Jesse join us. We'll be outnumbered more than we already are!"

Ryan blinked. "You know about Ben and Jesse?"

Hope shrugged. "Gabriel shared a few memories with me, too."

Ryan just looked at the girl. "Any you need to share with me?"

Hope put a finger on her chin. "Hmmm...nope, none I can think of. Just glimpses of people, places, faces, not all of them make sense."

Ryan nodded. "It's the same for me."

"I really am sorry, Mama. I just...I knew I could do it."

Ryan nodded. "I know. But like Jurassic Park said; 'Just because you could, didn't mean you should'."

Hope hung her head. "You're right." She looked up. "Could...am I really grounded until I'm fourteen in regards to hunting?"

Ryan sighed. "I don't know, Hope. If you went off and did this, how would you do on a hunt where you had to actually pay attention to someone leading the hunt, huh?"

"Oh! I would, Mama. I swear!"

Ryan gave her a glum look. "You messed with our trust, Hope. That isn't something you overcome with an empty promise. You gotta mean it."

"I do!"

"Then you have to prove it. Bide your time. Quit grousing over how your dad and I treat you. Start acting like an adult, we'll treat you like one. Like we do Krissy. You were the one that said you felt like a human and wanted the human treatment. Well, guess what? A normal eleven and a half year old wouldn't be even considered to be going hunting. Unless their father was John Winchester, but I digress. Don't get me started on your grandfather's parenting skills."

"He did the best he could," Hope defended.

Ryan smiled and nodded. "And you got that from your daddy, too. That fierce loyalty. Prove you'd be loyal to us if we went on a hunt, then we'll see, okay?"

Hope nodded vehemently. "I understand."

Ryan patted her daughter's knee. "Okay. Good. Get your stuff. I'll take you to school."

"You're not going to wear cutoffs and a belly tee, are you? I already have enough competition with you."

"What?" Ryan exclaimed.

Hope shot her a look. "All the guys look at you when you come to the school for me or Kris. And you aren't even in anything revealing! If you showed off much more skin, well, I think the entire male student body would bust a nut."

Ryan just looked at her and laughed. The kid was Dean in chick form most of the time, she really was.

"What? It's true! And when you go to the grocery store, all the little bag boys just drool. Why do you think Daddy's started going with you to the grocery if he can swing it? He doesn't like those boys looking at you."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Well, trust me, Daddy has no competition and neither do you."

"Oh, I know," Hope stated smugly. "Not that I'm supposed to date or anything yet, but I see guys looking at me..."

_Dear lord help me, _Ryan thought.

Her daughter smiled. "I just...let's not give them fantasy fodder, okay?"

Ryan chortled and pulled her daughter close for another hug. "Fine. Flannel and jeans it is. Can I wear sandals or would that show off too much skin? Me and my blue painted toenails?"

Hope thought a moment. "Nah, I guess that'll be okay."

Ryan laughed and shoved her daughter onto the bed on her back before she began tickling her mercilessly.

* * *

**May Twenty Second **

Life had a way of working itself out oddly, but Ryan wasn't complaining. Only two weeks later, and she found herself looking over a list of color schemes for Andy and Tory's new place. Andy had been adrift since she'd dumped her job at the school in Ohio to go to Peru, and Tory had never really had a home, so they'd decided to find a place to rent. Dean had begrudgingly offered them the bunker so they could stay for free, but Andy had money, she could afford a place for them to live. Besides, Ryan had the distinct impression Andy didn't want to be beholding to Dean anymore than she had to.

So, the two friends were renting a small cottage over by the lake. When they'd all gone over to help them move in, Krissy had gotten the strangest look on her face and shivered. There was something about the house she didn't like. They'd checked for ghosts, and there weren't any, no poltergeists, nothing evil about the house itself, but Krissy hadn't gotten the warm and fuzzies.

It had bothered, Hope, too, though neither girl could put their finger on why. As a matter of fact, it disturbed Dean as well, and that was what made Ryan wonder. She'd never been there before, didn't have any memories of the place, but still, it was evident the three of them had been there during the other timeline. She'd noticed, occasionally, they would all have deja vu moments, and occasionally those moments would link up to a memory she _did _have that Gabriel had given her. It made her wonder what had happened in that house, but not enough to call Gabriel to her. He'd requested they only call for emergencies. He couldn't, shouldn't, interfere with their lives. She had to respect that, even if she did want to check up on him.

Ryan was sitting at one of the tables in the bunker, going over the color swatches, arguing about the different shades of red for the kitchen with Andy when Tory came down the stairs and slapped a newspaper down on the table. "Okay, bitches! Mount up!" She jabbed a finger in Ryan's face. "You. Me. Andy. Vampires. Got wind the Alpha's been spotted. Let's blow this Popsicle stand. Call Dean, have him handle the kids, let's get your head screwed on straight before the wedding, cool?"

Ryan blinked and thought a moment. Well, she didn't have anything pressing... The wedding was still weeks away, and she had things lined up enough for that. She'd delegated some things to Andy, and Andy was handling it spectacularly. Hope and Krissy's play wasn't for another ten days, and this thing with the vamps would probably take a week, tops. So she grinned. "Hell yes. I'm in. Let's do it."

* * *

**Dean POV **

Dean was whistling "Smoke on the Water" as he stepped from the Impala and walked into the bunker, looking for Ryan. He'd been working with Krissy and Hope on their knife throwing at the house and wanted to bring the knives back to the bunker to put them away where they belonged. Bobby was good with respecting the weapons, they'd drilled it into his head how dangerous the stuff was, but Dean didn't want to take any chances. Besides, tomorrow was Ryan's day with the blades and he wanted them to be where she usually kept them for when she finished her workout in the morning.

He and Ryan had figured this shit out now, it seemed. He had been watching the boys as he trained the girls, letting her do some research in the bunker, and now it was time to close up shop for a while, call it a damn day. The girls were gonna babysit while he ran over to collect everyone. He could have called, but, damn, he figured he'd tell Sam to bring home one of the cars since he was also at the bunker, neck deep in cambion lore. They were going to go find Jesse sometime, but Sam had wanted to see what the MOL had to say on the subject before they went in half cocked. Too, they needed to learn more about Jon. He hadn't manifested powers, well, not outside those creepy ass peepers. Those black eyes had scared the shit out of Ryan, and, hell, they were pretty damned freaky, Dean had to admit.

He'd check in on his brother in a few minutes. Maybe he could talk Sam into taking the Impala or Ryan's car, while he and Ryan took a little ride before heading home so he could start dinner. He was grilling out burgers for supper and he could almost taste that sweet Angus beef melting in his mouth. But he could also almost taste Ryan in his mouth and his two hungers warred until he decided his stomach could be put on hold. The other hunger, well, it couldn't be satiated quite as easily.

He looked about the war room, and when he didn't find Ryan, walked to the garage. He heard a hum of activity as the three women were arguing;

"Like hell am I riding in the backseat of that pigsty, Tor. No way."

"You don't even own a fucking car, Andy! You sold yours, remember?!"

"Yeah, well, I'm riding in Ryan's. You gonna bring the boat or we gonna carpool?"

"Would you two stop bickering already?" Dean heard Ryan growl as he breached the door. She was digging through the trunk of Demon. "Damn it. Where the hell did I put my machete?" She popped out of the trunk and held it up. "Aha! Now, I just need to make sure it's sharp enough..."

"The hell is all this?" Dean asked as he walked over to Ryan. That was when he noticed her duffel bag propped up on the rear quarter panel, ready for her to toss into the trunk. Her hunting bag. The one she always kept stocked for when they had to bug out. Occasionally, it happened. "Going on a trip?"

Ryan threw the bag on top of her weapons and added her backpack as she nodded. "Yeah. Tory got wind of the Alpha vamp, so, we're headed to take his head off. And, well, we decided we'd go on a girl's trip while we were hunting. Should be awesome. Gank a few monsters, chill out for a few days, and I won't have to worry about the kids because I know you'll have them." She gave him a big smile. "Should be perfect."

Dean's stomach twisted in a knot. The vision came hard and fast...Tory's lifeless body, Cas holding her, sobbing like a baby, Ryan, pulling a machete out of her chest, not, God, she wasn't dead. Why wasn't she dead? What was wrong with that fucking picture? And furthermore, why did he have a memory of that? He seriously needed to talk to Gabe more about this deja vu crap they all had.

"Dean? Babe?" Ryan's soft voice brought him back to her and her concerned look on her face.

"Uh, no. It's not perfect, Ryan," he ground out.

Her brows furrowed. "Huh? Why not?"

He shook his head. "Because. You're not going."

Her brows quirked. "Excuse me?"

He snatched her bags out of the trunk and slammed it shut with a loud bang that reverberated through the garage as the panic oozed, black and thick through his system. He felt his stomach churning as one thought bounced around his head; _keep Ryan safe_. "I said, you're not going, damn it! Now send them on their way or find someone else the fuck to do it!"

He started to walk away but she grabbed his arm, turning him. He noticed Sam walking into the space, no doubt, hearing Dean's raised voice.

"What's the matter with you, sweetheart?" Ryan implored as her nails dug into his arm. "I mean, the three of us have been hunting for years together, Dean. I promise. We'll be fine."

Dean blew a breath out of his nose. _Calm. Don't show her you're panicking. _"I don't see why this is so fucking complicated for you to understand, Ryan. You're not going. With them. On a hunt. Not now, not ever!" He saw Tory move out of the corner of his eye and he snarled, dropping Ryan's bags to point a finger at the other woman. _She did it! It's her fault if Ryan dies! _"And you sure as hell aren't going with _her_."

"Whoa!" Tory shouted. "Where's the fire, Winchester? Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning? Dude, I haven't even spoke to you today, so don't go gettin' all pissed at me."

Ryan's mouth fell open. "What the hell, Dean? You can't tell me who to hunt with."

"I believe I just did."

Her spine stiffened and her eyes narrowed, a sure sign she was getting pissed the fuck off. Not that he cared, either way. His protective switch had flipped. He'd go back to hell before he let her go out and get herself killed. "Look, we may be engaged," she began, "And we are most definitely soul mates, but that is _not _an excuse for you to boss me around!"

"It most certainly the hell is!" he told her. He just looked at her. _Can't you see I'm freaking out here? I need you to get this through your thick head, woman! _"You and me? I thought we were a team!" he shouted at her, almost breathless. He felt like he did those times he flew. Was he having a panic attack? "I thought we were a team," he replied, softer this time. _Calm your shit, Winchester. You're gonna freak everyone out, damn it! _"You can't do like you did before, you know," he reminded her. "You can't just run off on a hunt and talk someone into babysitting the kids like you've done in the past."

At her surprised look, he added, "I've talked to Jody, too, Ryan. Don't deny it. I'm not saying it's wrong, and at the time, for you, it was right. But not now. Now I'm part of your decision making, damn it. We decide as a TEAM if one of us goes on a hunt. It works both directions, not just me asking permission to hunt. You gotta, too, babe. I asked you last time, remember? And all the other times its been me and Sam going out, leaving you behind, if it's okay. And I thought we respected each other enough for this thing to go swing both ways."

"I do, we do, Dean. But now...you're being ridiculous! I'm going on this hunt. I'll be fine. Why don't you trust me?"

He shrugged and twisted their arms so he was holding hers instead of her holding his. "Ryan, you say you want me to trust you? This isn't a good way to start. I trust your decisions but you have to trust my concerns, too. And those two? If this is how things play out this time, don't EVER expect me to trust them ever again."

"I just...you're being...what crawled up your ass and died, Dean? It's just a fucking hunt! You don't see me bitching about you hunting! You wanted me, just like Sam said a few months ago. I'm a damn hunter, Dean! So let me go and hunt!"

"Then trust me when I say, you're not going. If I have to haul your ass kicking and fucking screaming and have to lock you up in the damn demon dungeon, I'll do it. Look in my eyes and see if I'm lying." When she didn't comment, he smiled. "See? It's simple, really. Say goodbye to your little friends, Ryan. Let's go."

He reached for her bags and she wrenched her arm away from him. "Dean, seriously, what's gotten into you?!" she demanded. "I hate to sound like a damn tween drama, but your mood swings are giving me whiplash!"

That panicky feeling was returning. _Try harder, Dean! You can't let her leave. If she dies...Cas won't bring her back to life again. The angels will never allow it. She walks out that door, she's dead. _"You just...you can't...you just can't go, okay?"

Again, she approached him, almost timidly, even as her eyes narrowed in concern. "Dean, baby, please. Explain to me what's going on here. What am I missing?"

"Looks like he's pulling out an alpha too," Tory stated smarmily. "Alpha _male _syndrome. Gonna tell the little woman what she can and can't do?"

Ryan glared at Tory. "Victoria, stay outta this, please. This ain't about you."

Dean's jaw ticked. _She's the reason you don't come back, damn it! _"The hell it isn't."

Ryan turned back to him. "Dean, baby, come on. Is this about Hope? Look, I know she's grounded and you didn't agree with how I handled it. Don't punish me because she acted like a little jerk."

"This has nothing to do with Hope. Or Krissy. Or the boys. This is about _her_," he seethed, dropping the bags once more to pointing at Tory again. _If I have to kill her, I swear to all that's holy, unholy, and everything in between, I will, if that means keeping you safe, Ryan. _

Tory held up both hands. "Okay, seriously, I don't know why the fuck you're pissed at me, Winchester. I ain't fucking you and I'm not the one that reminds you of your failures."

"Hey!" Andy called. "Don't go bringing me into his meltdown."

Tory shrugged as she moved closer. "You got a problem with me, Dean? Spit it the fuck out."

He clenched his teeth, but Ryan gently squeezed his arm. "Dean, sugar, focus on me. Tell me. What's the deal? I can't...I have to know what's going on."

"For fuck's sake!" Dean yelled, jerking his arm away from her this time and taking a few steps back as he threw Ryan's bags back onto the ground. "I'm not some damn mental case and I don't need your fucking kid gloves! And why do I have to explain myself?! For once, just ONCE, can't I tell you not to do something and you just TRUST ME?! Is that really too much to ask?!"

"Not when you TELL ME instead of fucking ASK!" Ryan shouted back. "Especially when it seems like you've gone off the fucking reservation!"

"That's it, Dean, you've lost your damn mind," Tory muttered as she snagged one of Ryan's bags he'd dropped.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Allard, so help me, if you make a move to take those bags to that car, I swear to God I'll..."

"You'll what?! Huh? Gonna end me like a fucking werewolf? Shoot my ass?"

"Don't push me, you'll find out," he growled through clenched teeth. Tory moved just slightly and he added, "Allard, I'm gonna say this one time; you make another move toward that car or her? I'll drop you, no two ways about it. Your existence means shit to me. She's the one I care about. Not you. And you?" he asked, as he turned and pointed a finger at Andy. "You, I oughta shoot just to help me sleep better at night."

"Hey! I told you not to include me in your pissing contest! I'm just sitting over here minding my own fucking business. You're the one that's going batshit crazy, pal."

Tory's jaw ticked and she dropped the bag in order to cross her arms. "Looks like you need to put your dog of a fucking leash, Ryan."

"The hell did you say to me?!" Dean roared as he got in Tory's face.

"Okay, okay, just, calm down there, big man," Sam muttered as he grabbed Dean by the shoulders. "Chill out, dude."

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Sam!" Dean bellowed. "Or I'll stomp a mud hole in your ass, too!"

Sam held up both hands. "Whoa, Dean, seriously. What the hell, man? Really? You having a psychotic break or something?"

Dean's eyes narrowed. _How can I make them see?! She goes, she dies. How is this fucking complicated?! _He felt this slipping from him. And he'd do whatever it took to keep her with him. She couldn't go. It was that easy. "No. I just know what's best and Ryan doesn't need to go on this hunt."

"But, why, Dean?" Ryan implored. "I need a fucking reason, damn it!"

He glared at Tory. "I've seen you, Allard. We've hunted with you before. Recently, as a matter of fact. You're a loose cannon."

"And what the fuck are you, Winchester? Hell, you've scared the shit out of me more than once," Tory countered.

"I'm a man that's finally got a reason _not _to die for the cause. And I don't wanna lose the love the love of my life because you think your shit doesn't stink." He shrugged his shoulders. "You wanna run off and be Rambo? Be. My. Guest. Like I said, I don't give two shits. But mark my words...that cocky attitude's gonna be the death of you. In every sense of the word."

Ryan opened her mouth and Dean stopped her cold with a hard glare. "Ryan, for fuck's sake, just listen to me for one damn minute. You said you've read the gospels, right? Every last one of them? Then you should know by now how many times I've ever been wrong about this kind of thing."

She sighed. "Babe. I just...I get it, okay? But, we. Will. Be. Fine. This is just a walk in the park, sugar..."

"I just...I don't want you going. I don't trust her," he managed under his breath, some of the heat leaving his voice. He hated the feeling of helplessness that had overcome him, but he couldn't lose Ryan, and this was the best way, keep her home, keep her safe.

Ryan shook her head. "Tory's a little fast and loose on a hunt, but no more than you, baby. We'll be fine. There's three of us."

"You haven't been hunting much," he told her.

She nodded. "You're right, I haven't. But I've been hunting with you. You're training with me. Tell me I'm not in the best shape of my life."

"I know, okay? And it's true; you are in excellent physical shape. Trust me. I see that every damn time you take your clothes off for me. But I don't...I still don't want you going."

"But you refuse to tell me why!" she cried and he could hear her frustration mounting as she grasped a hank of her own hair, something she did when she was really irritated. "For God's sake, Dean, it's not like the three of us haven't hunted before! We kick ass as a team."

He couldn't...he couldn't put it into words. He just had this feeling in the pit of his stomach. Maybe it wasn't the time, but that Alpha was a mean fucker and he didn't give two shits about anyone or anything. He'd kill the three girls on principle, Dean knew he would. And, hell, he didn't like Andy, nor did he trust Tory, but that didn't mean he wanted either of them dead. And it definitely wasn't a cockfight power play, he was scared for them. He wanted them to stay safe. All three of them. He wanted, hell, he wanted to protect them. All of them. He'd deal with those thoughts later, when his woman wasn't half spitting mad.

"Is it because of the Alpha?" Ryan asked softly. "Because, if you didn't want me to go on the _hunt_, because of him, I'd be okay with staying. But if it's because of the girls..."

"WHAT?!" Tory and Andy shouted in unison.

Ryan held up a finger to silence them. "He's a hunter. If he knows something about the alpha we don't, I'd stay home, you would too, you know it. Even you, Tor." Her eyes seemed to drill into him. "Well, Dean? What is it?"

Their eyes met and he knew the exact second she read the truth in his. It _was _because of the Alpha, but it was Tory's stupidity that got them killed. He didn't need to see that part of the vision or whatever the hell it was to know it. Ryan was enough like Sam to go in cautious, with as much research as she could find before she dove in. "Seriously?!" she screamed. "This is about them?!"

"No! Yes. Hell, Ryan, I don't know! I don't want you going, damn it, so you're staying your happy ass home!"

She shook her head and he saw her run her tongue over her teeth, a sure sign she was trying to prevent the flow of angry words out of her mouth. But it didn't dispel the need to say them, obviously, as she spat at him, "You're being a petulant ass and letting your personal prejudices get in the way."

"This has nothing to do with Andy, or Ruby, or what the hell ever."

"So, it's me," Tory growled as she moved to them again. "It's me, huh? That's it?"

"You're damn right, sister," Dean growled as he moved a step toward Tory, putting them, he felt sure, all on alert.

"What the fuck's your problem, Dean!?" Tory shouted as she got in his face. Tory was taller than Ryan, so they were almost eye to eye as she stood toe-to-toe with him.

"Allard, I don't know how to make myself any clearer, but I'm gonna try; she's not leaving with you. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not a year from now." He leaned into her, fully realizing he probably looked like a madman. Well, fuck that, he didn't give two shakes of a rats ass how he looked in that moment. "I swear to God, if you wanna push me, go ahead. You can walk outta here on your own, without her, or, if you insist, well...let's just say all the rumors about my time downstairs are true." His voice dropped an octave as he warned, "And I do so know how to take my time. You play at that domination and whipping and shit, but trust me, I got real life experience in fucking people up."

Ryan grabbed Dean's shoulder and turned him back to face her. It was almost comical to look at her, standing on tiptoes since she wasn't wearing her hunting boots, but rather, flip-flops, making her appear shorter than she usually was. But her words weren't funny at all as she shouted, "You know what? FUCK YOU, DEAN! I'm sick of you thinking you can order me around like some kind of drill sergeant! I'm not you and you ain't your daddy. I don't follow anyone blindly! You give me a reason, or stay the fuck outta my way. I'm going on this hunt, so what are you gonna do, huh? You gonna carry me outta here? Take my legs out? WHAT YA GONNA DO?!"

Sam stepped back in then and muttered "Oh, shit," at Ryan's little outburst and he put himself between Dean and Ryan. "Ryan, RYAN! Listen to me! You can't leave, okay?"

"Not now, Sammy," she warned him.

"Even hopping mad, I got no issue carrying your sweet ass outta here, peaches," Dean glowered as he stepped around Sam. "Your fucking life is worth more than you being pissed off at me."

"You're INSANE!" she bellowed. "I always thought I was the crazy one in our relationship but you're having some kind of a mental breakdown, Dean! I'm going! And that's final!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!" he roared back at her.

She pulled out her Sig from its holster. "Is that a challenge? Because I'll kneecap _you, _if you try to fucking tell me what to do!"

"Ryan, shut your fucking mouth for one damn minute," Sam growled as he snatched her gun away from her before he put a hand on Dean's chest, pushing him away from Ryan just slightly. They separated and Sam shoved Ryan's gun in the back of his pants before he rounded on Dean. "Dammit, Dean, COOL IT A FUCKING MINUTE!" Sam turned back to Ryan. "Look, I know you're pissed. I get it, okay? But I've only ever seen my brother this angry one other time, and it was because of Ruby. This...it isn't a fucking dominance display, Ryan. There's a good reason for it."

"Oh YEAH? Well motherfucking ENLIGHTEN ME!" she screamed, as she lunged for Dean.

Sam just grabbed her from behind and held her up where she couldn't move, his arms like vice grips around her stomach and chest. "For God's sake, Ryan, CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" He lowered his voice, but remained serious as he added, "So help me, if I have to, I'll carry you outta here myself."

"What?!" Ryan gasped, twisting just slightly in his arms to look up at him with surprised eyes. "Sam..."

He released her so he could look directly at her. "You want the truth?" Sam glowered at her. "Dean's right."

Her eyes narrowed. "Never, ever, did I think you'd...well, I sure as hell shouldn't be surprised. What is it with you Winchesters always picking each other's side, huh? I swear...I knew, going into this, I was going to be your third, but still! You two STILL choose each other!"

"Fucking hell, Ryan, I'm not choosing a side, damn it!" Sam shouted back. "I'm telling you...Dean's got this...this sixth sense. He knew Ruby was bad and I didn't trust him. He's got that same damn look in his eye now! He _knows _you shouldn't go! And if he knows it, then I know it. And I'm not gonna second-guess him again. He wants you to stay, so you stay. Just try walking out that door. So help me, I'll stop you."

"Great. Fucking great. I've got team free will against me. Call your angel down to smite my ass because I want to go out with my fucking girls and do my fucking JOB!" she growled. She poked her finger into Sam's chest. "Well, you two can't stop me. I'm going. Come on, girls, let's go out and do our job, the job they used to do. I guess we'll be the ones saving people and hunting things from now on."

She moved to walk away and Sam grabbed her arm. Her tone was full of vitriol as she spat, "Get your hand off me, Sam, or I'll break it."

He didn't relax his grip as he hauled her to him, forcing their hands down to her side. "If your pride wasn't hurting right now, you'd know he was right. He loves you. And sometimes, the only way he can show it is by protecting you. He's not trying to smother you or make you feel inferior. He thinks he's doing the right thing."

She shrugged. "Sometimes doing the right thing ain't doing the right thing, Sammy. Sometimes you gotta let something go so it comes back. I'm a good hunter, damn it. I'll come back fine, just like I always do."

Sam blew out a breath. "Please, Ryan...don't do this. This whole thing's gonna get really ugly really fucking fast unless you agree to stay."

"Agree to STAY?!" Tory yelled. "With who?" She pointed to Dean. "With Scott Peterson over there?" She shook her head. "No way." She pulled her gun from its holster and held it at her side. "Get in the car, Fawcett. We're leaving."

"The hell you are," Dean growled, his voice low, lower than ever, and damned fucking dangerous. He walked to her and got in her face again. "The only way she's leaving here is over my dead body. Or yours. Guess which one I prefer? So? Tell me, Allard. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?"

Tory jumped just slightly at his tone, but she held her ground. "Sam, you'd better muzzle this fucking dog." She pulled the hammer back on the gun and muttered, "Or so help me, I'll put his ass down."

Sam glared at her. "You're gonna do WHAT?!" He loosed his grip on Ryan and crossed to Dean in two long strides. "That big mouth of yours just bit off more than it can chew."

"Thanks, Sammy, but I got this," Dean told him. Still glaring at Tory, he said, "Well? You gonna pull that trigger or what?"

Tory glared back at him.

Dean gave her a little smirk. "No? FINE," he roared as he snatched the gun from her hand.

Ryan's voice was attempting aloofness as she yelled from behind Sam, "It's a scare tactic, Tor. Ignore him. Everyone else does."

Tory, clearly a little shaken, and, hell, she should be, because Dean was the maddest he'd probably ever been, tried to look around him to Ryan. He snapped his fingers in front of her. "HEY. Eyes on me!" Getting Tory's attention again, his anger only grew more intense and he had the strongest urge to shake her like a fucking can of paint to get his point across.

"No, I don't have a 'tactic' because I don't need one." He pointed back in the direction of Ryan, who Sam was once more manhandling as she began struggling to get back in Dean's face, to defend Tory, no doubt. "But _she _does. See, she's trying to keep you calm in the hopes that you'll get mad enough and storm your ass outta here. Wanna know how I know? Because she's never, EVER told someone NOT to be afraid of me, which leads me to one conclusion; she knows you have every reason to be scared. She's already aware of what I've been trying to drill into that thick skull of yours. Allard, I am one hundred percent NOT fucking around here!"

"So what, Dean? What are you gonna do? Huh? You gonna SHOOT me?!"

Dean's eyes narrowed and he gave her a hint of a smile. "I'm sorry. I've been kinda tiptoeing around that, haven't I? So let me be perfectly clear; I will drop you like a bad fucking habit." He licked his lips and shrugged. "See, there's this thing about me; when it comes to her? I got no code. No morals. No shades of gray. Keeping her safe is my number one priority. I'd be willing to bet it may have even taken precedence over keeping Sammy safe, that's how fucking strong a soul mate's bond is. And right now? You're choosing to put yourself between me and my top priority So...I got no problem wasting you. Ryan will probably hate me, sure, but if I can buy her even one more day, I'm good with it."

He stepped back and gestured toward the car. "Now, you wanna leave? By all means, please do. Hell, take Ryan's car. You'd be doing me a solid." He scratched his head with the barrel of her gun and added, "Or, you can persist in this bullshit about her coming with, and, it's only fair to warn you," he added as he pointed the gun at her, "That if I hear another word about it, things go from problematic to messy, pretty damned quick."

The silence in the room was deafening. Dean saw movement out of the corner of his eye and he zeroed in on Andy. "You got something you wanna add, Blackwell?"

She opened and closed her mouth before her shoulders squared. She turned to Sam. "Well, you wanna reel him in, Stretch? Or should I?"

Sam shook his head. "Don't play with this fire, Andy. You're gonna get burned."

She smirked. "Well, hell, it won't be the first time."

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Don't, Andy. Just...don't."

"You agree with him?! With him lording over her like she's some kind of slave or some shit?!"

"I believe my brother. And if he's feeling hinky about this? Damned fucking straight. You three wanna push this? You'll have a damn _pair _of of junkyard dogs on your hands." Sam chuckled flatly at the three women's faces. He rubbed his hands together. "And if he thinks it's dangerous for Ryan to go? My sister by choice?" He shook his head. "Then I don't want her going anymore than he does." He smiled. "So, go ahead, bark all you want. Keep this up. Frankly, I'm enjoying the hell out of this fight."

"You're crazy. You're both crazy!" Andy shouted.

Sam shrugged. "Maybe we are. But, I mean, come on, Blackwell...you know us. You've heard stories. You know the rumors. You're neck deep in the hunting community. You ever heard of me and Dean going against each other? Hell, Dean wouldn't even say yes to a fucking angel to end the damned apocalypse because he knew it would put as at odds. So try it. I dare you."

Dean smiled and said, "So, what's it gonna be? You two wanna push your luck? Cuz, I'm kinda looking forward to going Eastwood ALL OVER someone's ass!"

Sam groaned. "Dean. Really? We're attempting to WIN this argument, you know that, right?"

Dean saw Ryan glancing from one to the other of them and he realized they were all in a Mexican standoff. He felt like he was in that scene in Tombstone where everyone just started shooting the shit out of each other. "You're all being ridiculous," Ryan muttered.

Dean glared at her. "Well? What are you being, peaches? Because you sure as hell aren't making a lot of sense."

Her brows furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Dean smirked. "Well, let's just say, at the moment, you're being a textbook ginger. And I'm sure, by now, you know our history with redheads."

"YOUR history with redheads, douchebag," Sam growled.

Dean shrugged and smirked again as he looked around. "Anyone got anything else they wanna add?"

"Dean...you're crazy. Like, certifiably crazy," Ryan managed.

He shrugged. He could feel it...the turning of the tides. He was winning this argument. He didn't care how pissed off everyone was at him. That was the last thing from his mind. As long as Ryan didn't leave on this damn hunt? He was good with it. "Hey, everyone's gotta have their moments. I ain't gonna see you leaving with her."

Ryan nodded. "You know what? Okay. Fine. You've gone batshit. That's fine. As someone who's as crazy as a fucking loon, I can respect that."

"What?!" Tory shouted, coming out of her fear stupor.

Again, Ryan held up a finger to silence her. "But I gotta know why. Because, baby, this ain't normal, not even for us. So give me one good fucking reason, or my happy ass is leaving to go on this hunt just to spite you."

"Ryan..." Sam warned.

"No, she's right," Andy growled. "I mean, it's fine. You want her safe. None of us wanna see anyone in this room die." She glanced at Dean. "Well, maybe psycho over there, but the rest of us..." She shook her head. "Ry, come on. You can't seriously be thinking about listening to him, can you? You gonna let him boss you around?"

"Hold up," Dean held up a hand. "First off, no one gets to call her 'Ry' but me. And second of all, don't mistake the Eastwood comment. You have no idea how serious I am when it comes to this woman."

Andy huffed out a breath. "Well, this is just typical Winchester M.O. Isn't it? You can't have your way, so you try to take it. When that doesn't work, just threaten to kill whatever stands in the way. Like I said. Typical."

Dean's eyes narrowed as his gaze moved to Andy. "That's rich, coming from the meatsuit that banged and fucked over my brother. Well, hell, I almost forgot about you, didn't I?" He stalked toward her until he had her backed against the half wall between bays. "I've been meaning to deal with you. See, I don't believe you. I think you've got everyone but me snowed!"

Sam moved faster than Dean had ever seen and put himself between Dean and Andy. "Damn it, Dean. Stop. You know she's not Ruby. You're just making an ass out of yourself because you're losing this argument. Just...make your fucking point already!"

"Sam?! What the hell, dude? What's gotten into you? Move out of the way!"

Sam gave him a panicked and more than a little puzzled look, which Dean was sure he mirrored, at least the puzzled part. "Dean, seriously. This has gone far enough. Stop."

"What? You gonna choose her over me, your _brother_? _AGAIN_?"

"What? No! Of course not!" Dean moved toward Andy once and Sam shoved him back. "Dammit! I said STOP! What? Are we all gonna just kill each other?! We have four kids relying on us to NOT DIE. No, we handle this like adults or we walk away. Whatever happens after that is on them, but I WON'T let you be the bad guy. Not again..."

Dean heard Ryan's whispered, "Oh my God," and it momentarily distracted him. She shook her head, blew out a breath, and shouted, "Tory, get Andy to the war room until these two apes calm down. I'll catch up."

"What? Ryan! Are you kidding?! No! I'm not leaving you with this ticking time bomb! You're..."

"Don't argue with me, damn it! For fuck's sake, just shut up and listen to me! Go. Right the fuck now!"

Ryan stepped between the two men and placed a hand on each of their chests. "Neutral corners. Both of you." When they didn't move, she shouted, "NOW."

Dean realized, somehow, the tides had turned and he was now standing almost toe-to-toe with Sam. They both took one step back.

"Wow," Ryan breathed and he saw Tory and Andy giving the room one last look before they scurried out of the door. "Okay. Intense."

Dean blinked and stared at the floor, defeated. "I saw a vision, okay?! I don't...hell, I don't think I got any hoo-doo like Sam had, but I saw you, alright?! Tory was dead. You had a fucking machete sticking out of your chest, Ryan!" He turned to her and he hated showing his weakness. Sam had always been his only weakness. Now he had two. "Ryan, I swear to God, this doesn't have anything with you hunting. It isn't a pissing contest about the stronger sex. It's just...it's about seeing that fucking machete sticking out of your chest and I just..." he let out a sob. "I just can't, okay? I've already watch you die once. I-I just..."

She gasped. "You couldn't have FUCKING LED WITH THAT?! You utter dumbass!" she shouted as she slapped his face. That was when he noticed she was sobbing, too. She grabbed his biceps and shook him slightly. "Of course I'll stay with you if you ask me to! Just give me a good fucking reason instead of going all neanderthal on me, alright?"

He hung his head. "I...I can't...I couldn't control it, Ryan. I can't..." That panic bubbled to the surface again and he gasped out a breath. "Fuck...I can't see that...Ryan, you will die, okay? You don't have any of the demon in you..." He sucked in a breath as he realized...that's what saved her before. She was more demon than human. The Mark of Cain worked in her even though she didn't have it, it worked through him. "You don't have any demon in you to keep you alive. When the Alpha stabs you with your machete, you'll die and I just can't...I can't, okay?"

Tears were streaming down her face. "I get it, babe, I totally get it. I just...really? With the drama and theatrics?"

He gave her a rueful glance as he swiped his arm over his eyes. "I'm, uh, I'm a drama queen?"

She gave him a half smile and nodded. "You sure as hell are. Now I see where Hope gets it."

He glanced at Sam, who was leaning back against the wall, his head down in his hands. "Sammy, man, I'm sorry."

Sam shook his head. "It's cool. It's over." He blew out a breath and walked out of the room shaking his head and muttering to himself.

Dean turned back to Ryan and licked his lips. They both regarded one another. How the hell did he come back from this? He knew he was right, but he knew he'd gone about it the wrong way, too. "So...I'm sleeping on the couch tonight?"

She shook her head. "No. I...I need you too damn much, Dean. I can't...after this...we need..." She just shook her head again and looked down at the floor.

He eyed her. "You going on the hunt?"

Her head lifted so she looked him in the eye. "No. We'll get someone else to do it, or we bench it."

"The Alpha..."

"He'll require kid gloves, Dean. You're right. We can't go in guns blazing. We need intelligence we don't have. We can't run blindly into this."

"God...I'm so sorry."

She nodded. "Yeah. Me too. But, damn it, Dean, you gotta communicate better than shouting and threatening. You _know _that shit doesn't work for me."

He hung his head. "You're right. But if you could have just seen..."

He felt her hands moving, first to his arms, then wrapping around his waist and he wrapped her up as he felt tears stinging in his eyes again.

"I love you, Dean," she whispered and he heard tears in her voice, too. "More than life itself. And I'm sorry you had to see that. I've...I've seen things, too, okay? Deja vu sensations that lined up with Gabriel's memories he gave me. I think that's what deja vu is...when an angel changes the timeline, you still remember, get a weird feeling about something. I think that's why you and Hope and Krissy don't like the house by the lake. Something bad happened there."

He shivered slightly. He'd been fine walking in, but when he'd gone to help Sam move Andy's bed into the master bathroom, he'd gone to take a piss in the bathroom...and almost collapsed to his knees as a sensation of dread washed over him. It was weird. That was when he'd tested the whole damn house. No signs of anything supernatural there, well, outside of the kids, who Krissy had been playing with in the living area, keeping the little ones out of everyone's hair.

"So, now what?" he asked.

"Now, I need food. And booze. We need a fuckton of booze," she told him.

He couldn't find an argument. He agreed with her wholeheartedly.

"But," she began.

"But what?"

"You gotta cut Tory some slack. This thing...I don't know everything that led up to it, and I don't know if it will happen in this timeline now. You don't either. So you have to let her..." she sighed. "There will come a time I'll need to go out with her or Andy on a hunt, Dean. And you can't keep me under a damn rock, protecting me. Hunting is my job, one I take very seriously. I'm more cautious than you, than Tory, than almost anyone. I've made mistakes, sure, but the fact remains..." She grasped his hand in hers and he looked at them in wonder. Her hand was so damn small compared to his, but she really was just as good a hunter as he was. What she lacked in brute strength, she more than made up for in cunning.

She looked into his eyes. "Please, try to get along with them. And realize, occasionally, life will happen. Death will happen, too. Dean, one day, one of us is going to die and we won't come back from it. We need to just...enjoy what time we have together."

"I can't promise I won't do something stupid to try and get you back."

She smiled at that. "And I can't promise that, either. But when the time comes, when our hair begins to gray and our joints creak more than they already do, when we're at the end our journey here on earth...don't...don't make any deals, don't bargain away your life for mine. Don't you see? It hasn't worked for you and Sam thus far. Let nature take its course. I want to grow old with you. And then, when the time comes, I want to spend my eternity with you. Okay?"

"I'm scared of that," he admitted. "Eternity, I mean. All I know is this...hunting. If we don't hunt..."

She smiled softly. "I'm sure we can find other ways to spend our time."

He blinked. "You think they let you have sex in heaven?"

She chuckled. "Word is we have an in with the people that run the joint. I'm sure we could talk them into letting us be an exception."

He had so many things he wanted to say. He knew he hadn't gone about this right, but the way the panic overtook him, he couldn't have tried to be calm if it had killed him. So, he just slipped his arm around her waist, his hand dipping into her back pocket. She giggled as she slipped an arm around his waist. That was how they walked back up and into the war room. Together. Connected. Ready to face whatever.

Sam, Andy, and Tory all looked up as their footsteps. Dean cleared his throat but before he could speak, Ryan said, "I'm not going."

"Oh. My. God. Seriously!?" Andy began. "Seriously, Ryan? That's all it took? A smile, a tap to your ass, and suddenly, you're not going? Dude's got some serious misogyny going on which clearly you're gonna have to deal with. But right now. This? This is something that doesn't involve him!"

Ryan shook her head and smiled. "See? That's the thing. Me and the kids? We're his family. Everything involves him now."

"Well, that's _his _problem, isn't it?" Tory exclaimed flippantly. "My God. I never imagined a day when Ryan Fawcett would be ruled and lorded over by a damn MAN."

"It isn't like that."

"It isn't? He gave you an ultimatum. And you agreed to it!"

"You don't have all the facts. He wants to keep me safe."

"But we can keep you safe, Ryan. You know that," Andy interjected.

Ryan nodded. "I know that. But Dean gets these gut feelings and on top of that, he..." she shook her head.

"So...what are you saying?"

Ryan shrugged. "I'm not going. It's that easy. We don't have enough intel on the Alpha to go hunt him now. We get the information we need, we go in smart or not at all. He's wiley. He's been alive since _Eve _created him, so, he's a hell of a lot older and smarter than we are. Hell, the damn king demon couldn't control him. So that leads me to believe he either can't be killed, shouldn't be killed, or we need to be smarter about said kill. Either way, we go all together, or not at all."

"I am NOT hunting with the damned Winchesters!" Andy shouted.

Ryan crossed her arms. "Then, you two are going to get yourselves killed. I'll make sure to write you both a lovely epitaph I'll say over your burning corpses."

Dean's mouth had fallen open. He wasn't sure Ryan really had forgiven him or just agreed because she knew he was right. Either way, to watch her go from arguing with him to defending him...it was a sight to behold.

"So...that's it. You choose him over us? Him...the guy you've been shacked up with for less than a damn year, to your two best friends you've known for over half a decade?"

Ryan's jaw set. "No, I'm choosing to believe my soul mate, who I trust implicitly to care for myself and _our _children. I was...hell, I was pissed off before. Did he go about it right? Hell no! Am I still pissed at him? You're damn right I'm pissed. I don't forgive and forget that easy. You two know me." She turned to look at him and she smiled, just slightly, "But I believe him. He...he's telling the truth." She turned back to Tory. "And he is about as far from misogynistic as you can get. He's all about the empowerment of women. I'd go so far as to say he's a damn feminist."

Andy, who had been quite spoke up, "Maybe she's right, Tor."

"WHAT!?" Tory exclaimed. "The hell, Andy?! You're supposed to side with me, damn it!"

Andy shrugged. "Look, we know Ryan. She's not the type to let some dude be all up in her shit. Soul mate or not, she'd rip him a new one for telling her what to do. So? She's backing down from this? I'm guessing he gave her a pretty damn good argument."

"Yeah, all she needed was some cock to see reason," Tory muttered.

"Hey!" Ryan began, but Andy held up a hand.

"So? Maybe she did need to get laid. And maybe it's skewing her views slightly. But, hell, I gotta be honest...if she's gonna let him talk her into not going on a hunt, he manages to calm her ass down, tell her it's for a good reason, and she listens to him? Must be one hell of a guy." She glanced at Dean. "I may not like the Winchesters for my own personal reasons, but I can't deny their loyalty. And they've welcomed Ryan in, Tor! That...that speaks fucking volumes right there. So..." Andy shrugged.

"I don't believe what I'm hearing! What about feminism and all that crap about female hunters being just as good as men you two are always spouting?!" Tory stated angrily. "Now you're just...just...mooning like a teenage girl with a crush?! Unbe-fucking-lievable!"

"Alright, Allard, that's about all I'm going to listen to," Ryan stated huffily. "I know he's rough around the edges, but, damn it, Dean's MINE. And, not that any of us could forget, but he's not exactly your biggest fan right now, either. But he's giving you a shot because of me. If you're a true friend, you'll do the same. And Winchesters? We don't have a good track record when it comes to choices."

Dean blinked. _Did...did she just refer to herself as a Winchester? _

Tory replied, "But you're not a Winchester, not yet."

Ryan huffed out a sigh. "You don't get it. I belong to him as much as if I had his name tattooed on my forehead proceeded by 'Property Of...' so you don't get to try that crap, Tory. You're acting like a jealous little tween and that's something YOU are better than."

Tory looked at Andy. "Talk some sense into her. Please?"

Andy shook her head. "Sorry, Tor. I'm...we all know I'm not as comfortable killing monsters as I am excising demons. I mean, sure, I'm strong, but I mean, I have a natural talent for Latin. I know ten different exorcisms and five different ways of rendering a demon useless _with just words _while I use him to get information. I'm not a monster hunter. So, if Winchester says not to hunt? And Ryan agrees with him?Yeah, my happy ass is gonna park it. And furthermore, despite his behavior and how we feel about him, if she still says he's okay? As her friends, it our job to give him a shot."

Tory's mouth fell open before her eyes narrowed. "You're bringing out the girl code now?!"

Andy nodded. "Yup. Besides, if I ever felt like that for a guy and he felt like that for me? Damn right, I'd stick by him." She shook her head. "Plus, despite the fact they've only been living together a few months, he's her _soul mate _and the father of her kids. It's not like she's got a damn crush and ran out and got married to him ten days after she met him. They're like, bonded and shit. Like it or not, they're in it for the long haul. As they should be."

Dean could see the fight leaving Tory. This thing...it wasn't over, but it was winding down. "So, what? That's it? We just...suck it up and deal with it? I demand at the very least an apology."

That's when Dean decided to be a better man and he spoke up; "So, uh, apologies aren't my thing. But, uh, yeah...I gotta protect her the only way I know how. It's shitty sometimes. Go with it."

Tory glared at him. "I though we..." she shook her head and spoke softly, almost like a child, "Damn it, I thought you liked me, Dean. Like, I thought we were friends."

He glanced at Ryan, who gave him a sad look and he rolled his eyes. _Hell..._ He walked over and stood awkwardly by Tory. "I, uh, shit, Tor. I didn't mean to hurt you, okay? I just...I gotta put her priority one and I saw this vision, and... I don't have mojo, but we sometimes see shit from the time before and it was a hunt, a bad one. You did something stupid, got Ryan killed, got yourself killed. And I just..." he shook his head.

"What happened? Can you tell me that much?"

He tried to recall the whole thing, but it was slipping from him, like a dream or a nightmare after you're up and about a while. "You got her killed, Tory. You got your own damn self killed, too."

"Look, I'm not saying I'm not stupid sometimes, okay? Sometimes I go in guns blazing." She eyed him warily. "Like you, actually."

"What d'ya want me to say? I admit, I've played it fast and loose with my life, but not anymore. My family means everything to me. Always has. You know my track record. And at this point in time? You're not my family. Not yet." At her alarmed face, he added, "You want me to say my loyalties go beyond Ryan, Sam and the kids? Sorry. I can't. It may be harsh, but that's life."

She swallowed hard. "It was a good hunt. It could have been."

"Not saying it wasn't. And, hey, you wanna dig your heels in, tear ass outta here, get yourself killed? Be my guest. I won't stop you. I already said that. You're so damned stubborn and determined no man's gonna tell you what to do, even if he might be right. And that, Tory, that's what's gonna get you killed. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But Ryan?" The thought almost made him sick to his stomach. He felt it churning within him anew, that desperation. No, he couldn't allow it, no matter what he had to do. "I can't do it, okay? Ryan will NEVER be in harm's way if I can help it. Not as long as I'm breathing. And if I'm fighting like hell to keep her alive? Well, it's a pretty damn good bet I'm trying to keep you all safe."

Tory nodded thoughtfully. "You ever think you could do that without weapons and threats?"

He shrugged and gave her a half smile. "That's not how I work."

"So I noticed," she stated coolly.

His brow furrowed. "Wait. Hold the phone. You pulled your gun out first. I just took it from you."

She sputtered. "Well, only after Ryan did first!"

"She can do that. I'm hers. She shoots me, I won't be pissed and, well, hell, I probably deserved it. You, however, don't have that luxury."

She continued to glare at him, but under that, he could see it...she was afraid of him. He almost, _almost _regretted it. But not enough to apologize for that. He'd said his peace. She'd said hers. Now, they could move on from it. So he tried to lighten the mood just slightly and said, "What can I say, Allard? You bring out the best in me. Truce?" he asked as he held out her gun to take back.

She snatched her gun back from him and smiled icily. "Next time, I won't hesitate to shoot your ass."

He nodded. "Next time, try asking politely to take my woman on a hunt, I might just let you."

She opened her mouth and then wisely shut it. She cleared her throat. "I think I could probably do that."

He glanced over at Andy. "Sorry, Blackwell. Her safety..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. But the minute you start trying to kill _me _it gets a little personal."

He winced. "Can we just...forget this shit for once?"

"Are you gonna try to resist killing Ryan's friends and being a mega-douche?"

His jaw ticked, but he nodded. "Yeah. I will."

Andy glanced from Tory to Ryan before she nodded. "Okay."

"That's it?" Dean asked incredulously.

She shrugged. "She's marrying you. I love her. Guess that means I put up with your dumb ass."

"I'm touched, Blackwell. Really. I'm feeling the love."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay. So, what are we gonna do about this vamp?"

They called the kids and told them they'd be a while, to go ahead and eat, and to please get the boys situated. Ryan promised to make it up to the girls. He didn't want to know how she'd make it up to them, but he had the feeling money and gifts would definitely be involved. Hope had her eye on a nice crossbow. Krissy wanted new rims for the Jeep. Both were pricy. Eh, such was life when living with teenage girls.

After that, they discussed the hunt as a group and decided to bench it. There weren't kills happening at the moment, just the Intel that the Alpha was in town, a few states over. So, they decided to wait, see if something happened, and monitor the area for the time being.

It was late as they packed up and decided to all go back to Dean and Ryan's house for dinner. He still wanted those damned burgers. He watched as Ryan walked over to Sam, and he couldn't help but strain his ears to hear their conversation. Sam and Ryan had some making up to do from that fight in the garage, too.

"Sam?"

He looked up from the papers he was stuffing into his bag. "Yeah?"

She bit her lip. "Look, I know what you were doing down there. You were right, okay?"

He sighed. "You know, we've said it, time and again, you're like a sister to me now. And I'm happy to have you. But you need to realize a few things; Dean means everything to me. I realize you're here for the long haul. I respect that. But I won't let you hurt him, Ryan, regardless of the fact he's a grown ass man and you two need to fight your shit out."

Her head dropped. "I know."

"Then know you also can't use me as a referee every time you and Dean don't agree. That just makes you a wedge. And trust me, he and I can't handle another one of those. We've just gotten everything sort of ironed out between us, Ryan, and that's thanks to you. But at the same time? We can't...I can't handle being without him and he can't handle being without me, okay?" He snorted in self depreciation. "He and I? We're bitterly codependent. Have been for years now. It's not normal. It's not natural, but it's the way we work. You talk about being our third? Well, yeah, I guess so. Or maybe I'm yours. Either way? We're all in this together."

She nodded. "I can respect that. I didn't mean to make you feel..." She huffed out a breath. "Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I meant to make you feel that way. And I'm sorry. I...I know how to push buttons, okay? It's my specialty. And for all this...relationship crap, I'm new at it, too. With him. With you. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Sam. I just...some days, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"You think I'm not? You think he isn't? Hell, Ryan, we don't know how to handle good stuff in our lives. But we're all trying. So...let's just do that. Okay?"

She bit her lip. "Yeah. And, too, I swore to Dean I wouldn't make him choose. It's unfair to make either of you. You're right. Dean and I need to learn to fight without a mediator."

Sam smirked. "Pretty damn sure that will never happen. I'll be glad to help you two any way I can. But remember, it's been me and him since forever. And, Ryan, I need him too, alright?"

She nodded once more as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I can do that."

Dean watched them hug and he cleared his throat of the tears clogging it as he walked out to the Impala.

He waited a moment and was surprised when Ryan showed up at his passenger door. She leaned in the window. "Can, uh, can I ride with you?" she asked, almost shyly.

He didn't want to be on her bad side, but he would do whatever it took to keep her safe. He didn't feel bad for the argument, just bad that it had blown so far out of proportion. So he smiled. "Yeah."

The ride was quiet as they headed toward home. Not uncomfortably so, just both of them were in their own heads. Suddenly, she asked, "Say, uh, exactly what did Sam mean by 'your track record with redheads'?"

Dean winced. "Well, _my _history is fine. Theirs...is short. You're the first redhead in my life that doesn't have to worry about NOT growing old. Well, you and Charlie. And Robin. And a few various red-headed truck stop waitresses..." He cleared his throat. "Never mind. But you and Charlie are both awesome, so, hey, you're in good company."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Dean, exactly how many redheads we talking here?"

He winced. "Uh...well, okay, if we're going with the ones that count..." He thought a moment. "There was Anna, which you know about, and Robin, which you probably don't. That's the only two I've had sex with that count, I swear. But, uh, then there was Abaddon, but that was only because she was evil and I ganked her. Um...Gabe showed me a witch named Rowena I need to watch out for...Charlie, of course, which you know, personally, and Jody, her hair's kinda red, right? And then, you." He paused. "Huh. I've been looking for you my whole life and I didn't even realize it."

She smiled at that. "Flattery won't get you into my pants, Winchester."

He chuckled as he leaned over ever so slightly to put a hand between her thighs, cupping her sex through her jeans. "You sure about that?"

She panted out a breath as he began rubbing. "D-Dean...we...ung, oh fuck, you can't wreck this car. We _are _human, you know."

"Then let me pull it over. Let me fuck you, baby."

"Sex doesn't fix everything, you know," she managed.

He knew that. But he needed to be connected to her. They fought. They fucked. It was how they worked. They'd done the fighting, now they needed to reconnect the best way they knew how. "I know. But it's a hell of a start."

Her voice was breathless and full of grit and want as she said one word; "Okay."

He jerked the wheel toward the shoulder of the road, slammed on breaks, jammed the car in park, and he watched with his mouth falling open as she slithered over to him, straddling him as her hands dove for his hair and her mouth descended to his as his hand filled with her denim clad ass.

They heard a horn blow and glanced up as Tory rolled past in her van, whistling as Andy called out obscenities and innuendos. Dean grabbed Ryan's jaw gently. "Forget them. Eyes on me," he commanded lightly. He watched as her pupils blew and she let out an almost animalistic sound as she dove for him again.

"Fuck, Ry, I need your ass naked in my back seat. Now."

She moaned and slithered across the seat, taking her top off and flinging it at him. He dove over the seat, not an easy feat when you were as tall as he was, but he managed, and he grabbed her hips, pushing against her core, driving them both crazy through the denim that covered them. He stopped and looked down at her. She was panting and all but writhing. "Wait. Wait a fucking minute, Ryan."

"Why should I?" she growled as he hands dove for the button at his waist.

He shook his head. "I'm still...I'm still strung up and I need to let off some steam."

"Yeah? Well, me too, sugar."

He shook his head again. "Ryan..."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What the fuck are you waiting for?!"

She made to unbutton his pants again but he grabbed her hands forcefully. "Look, I know we fight in the gym. We argue and shout and shit...but I'm not feeling lovey-dovey at the moment. It's gotta be hard. And it's gonna be fast. And you're probably gonna have bruises tomorrow."

A slow, almost wicked smile graced her face. "Yeah? So will you." She snatched his shirt, almost ripping it as she hauled it over his head. "Now, bring it the fuck on."

* * *

They walked into the house forty minutes later, both with stupid grins on their faces, bruises and love bites marring their skin. His woman had the mouth of a hoover. He'd probably be sporting these damn hickeys for two weeks. Not that he was complaining...

"The girls informed me as to why you were late," Sam stated stiffly as he walked in the back door, the plate of cooked beef in his hand. "So, I cooked the meat."

Dean looked from the pile of burgers to his brother's face. "Sammy, I love the hell out of you, man. I could eat the whole damned house."

Sam chuckled. "I know, which is why the three of us already got dinner ready."

Dean glanced at the spread on the table. All the toppings for the burgers as well as bags of chips were already laid out. "Damn."

"Thanks, you guys," Ryan stated as she walked over and snagged a chip from the bag. "I'm starving."

"Roadside sex like some moaning whore will do that to you," Tory commented around her beer bottle.

Ryan smiled. "Fuck and you, my friend."

Tory winked at her.

"Ry, you want a beer?" Dean asked.

She nodded. "God yes. I'm so thirsty, I could drink the Mississippi."

Dean moved toward the fridge and Sam exclaimed, "Dude! Damn, are you _bleeding_?!"

Dean tried to glance behind him but couldn't see anything. Finally, he pulled his shirt over his head and looked at it.

Tory let out a low whistle from the table. "Fucking hell, Ryan. I'm impressed."

"What?" Dean wanted to know as he looked over his shoulder again.

Ryan winced as she walked over and kissed his shoulder. "Sorry, babe. I, uh..."

"There are score marks all down your back," Sam told him. "Shit. That looks like it hurts."

Dean smiled. "It didn't hurt getting it, and if it hurts now, well, hell, it'll just remind me of what we did."

Sam looked from Dean to Ryan and back again. "The mental imagery...make it stop. For the love of God."

Dean smirked at him as he slipped his shirt back on. "Dude, if you're seeing me and Ryan having sex, you're watching the best damn porno of your life."

Ryan just looked at him. "Porno? I don't know about that, but you should give lessons. Because _every _woman should experience that at least once."

His brain sort of fried in that moment. "Really!? You're offering to pimp me out? I didn't think you were the sharing sort, Ryan."

She growled, grabbed the front of his shirt, and shoved him against the refrigerator. "I meant for the men. Because this?" she stated as her other hand traveled south and grabbed his crotch through his jeans ever so slightly "It's mine. Period. Got it?"

He swallowed hard and smirked. "That's that hottest fucking thing you've ever said to me."

Sam cleared his throat. Loudly. "HELLO! I'm standing right here. Literally, like, three feet away."

Dean didn't take his eyes off Ryan as he popped an eyebrow. He licked his lips and said, "Yeah, about that...unless you wanna catch the second act live, clear out."

Ryan's mouth quirked as she patted him on the face. "It's the third act. Sixth, if you're talking about mine. And, nah. I'm hungry now. For food," she added. She started to walk away, but turned back and winked at him. "But, uh, later, tiger."

He grabbed the belt loop of her jeans, noticing all the lovely bruises littering that long line of neck. He knew her tits were covered in them, too. He saw bruise marks just starting on her biceps, too, and he would feel bad, but she had moaned as he'd held her so tight. She'd cried out and gripped him just as tightly. Sure enough, a glance down at his own arm showed a Ryan-sized hand print forming. Well, wasn't that just better than having an angel hand print on his skin? Too bad this one wouldn't last as long. But he could always have her make more. He pulled her back to him and whispered in her ear somewhat forcefully, "Don't walk away from me."

Her eyes narrowed just slightly though there was still amusement in them. "Don't push it, buster. I don't withhold sex, you know that. But right now, I'm starving and in dire need of that beer. The kids are taken care of, we're all attempting to get along, and the food is on the table." She smiled and reached up to peck his lips. "I promise, you can ravage me again later."

He kissed her lips then gave her ear a nibble before he breathed, "Fine, let's go eat." He watched her walk back to the table and he chuckled as he reached into the fridge, pulling out a six pack.

Sam punched him on the arm. "Dude. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies."

"Hello. Have you _seen _my woman?" He glanced over at Ryan and grinned. "Hell, I can't think of a better way to go out."

"So...now that you two are freshly fucked, can we eat? Cuz I'm starving, too," Andy commented as she walked over with the pot of beans.

"Abso-friggin-lutely," Dean told her as he walked over and sat down.

Andy glared at him. "Nuh-uh. We all three know what you two did. You march your happy ass to the bathroom and wash your hands. Ya nasty fucker."

Dean smirked and then began laughing. "Fine, fine, I get it." He glanced at Andy. "You know, Blackwell, you'd make a hell of a mom. You already got that ordering people around thing going on."

Ryan's mouth fell open and she punched Dean's arm. "Watch it. I'M the mom around here. And I DO boss people around."

He pulled her to him. "And it's sexy as fuck, too." He dipped his mouth to hers as a chorus of boos could be heard around the room. "Alright, alright!" he growled. "I'll go wash my damn hands. But Ryan's the one that got her hands dirty...I just sat back and enjoyed the ride."

"Hey!" she cried as he chuckled and walked down the hall to the half-bath.

After he washed his hands, he made his way back to the kitchen where everyone was tucking in to eat. "Kids in bed?" he asked Ryan.

She nodded. "The girls...are wisely going to hang out upstairs. The boys are passed out."

"We buying a crossbow and some rims for Danica and Miranda up there?" he asked. The two girls had started teasing about being Danica Patrick and Miranda Lambert from the music video for "Fastest Girl in Town". He hated to admit, he thought Miranda was one hell of a singer, and sexy to boot, even if she did sing country music.

Ryan chuckled. "More than likely."

"Damn. Okay. It's worth it."

The meal was...nice. It wasn't nearly as strained as he thought it would be, and they all worked in unison cleaning up the kitchen.

"Oh! Hope said she baked brownies. They're cooling in the oven," Ryan commented as she popped the top on another beer. "I think her and Kris made two batches, because it looks like it's a whole pan full."

Dean smiled. "Damn. Yes. I love me some brownies."

"You love everything you can eat," Sam put in as he stole Ryan's beer.

Dean nodded. "True. But brownies are pretty damned awesome."

"They don't go with beer though," Ryan commented as she walked to the liquor cabinet, obviously not perturbed Sam had taken her drink. "Know what they go with?"

"Mudslides!" Andy and Tory exclaimed.

They got out the blender and the supplies and soon enough, Dean hated to admit, but he was enjoying the hell out of a mudslide and a brownie. He chewed thoughtfully on the brownie a moment before he frowned. "These...taste funny to you?"

Sam paled. "They didn't let Loki near the brownies, did they?" Bobby had started making little comments that let them know Gabriel was waking inside of him.

Ryan shook her head. "I don't think so." She glanced from Dean to Sam. "It's not like he's gonna kill all five of us, is it?"

Dean glanced at the brownie in his hand. It was his second. "No...it doesn't taste _bad _it just tastes..."

"Like Hash?" Tory provided.

"WHAT?!" came the chorus around the room.

She shrugged and took another bite. "I was missing a bag. I assumed one of you had taken it. Guess the girls thought we needed to chill out after that epic battle we had this afternoon."

"You..." Ryan swallowed hard. "You mean..."

Tory's eyebrows waggled. "Oh hell yes."

Dean glanced at Ryan. She seemed okay. "You alright?" he asked her softly.

She seemed to ponder that for a moment before she smiled. "You know what? I am. But I think I'll stop at one."

Dean shoved the rest of his second brownie in his mouth and picked up a third. "More for me."

As the evening wore on, he noticed Sam and Andy also ate more brownies and the drinks continued to flow as they sat around talking. He hated to admit, but he was having fun with these chicks. God help him.

"Oh! I know!" Tory exclaimed some time later. "Let's play 'Never Have I Ever'!" Four groans met her exclamation and she glared around the table. "Come on! It'll be fun! Where's the shot glasses?!"

Ryan pointed to another cabinet. "But, Tor, come on. The last time we played..."

"The last time, you kicked my ass and I spent the whole night barfing, okay? But this time, I'm prepared."

Dean glanced at Ryan. "You've played? And won?"

She shot him a glare. "Don't act so surprised. I can trust these girls. We were in the safety of my own home. Yes, I've played. And yes, I kicked their asses."

"Well, it didn't take much," Andy told him. "We were looking to get plowed and Ryan's always had a better head on her shoulders than Tory or I...she's one hell of a strategist."

Dean snorted at that. "Yeah, she's got a better head than me, too."

"So? We gonna play? Please?!" Tory asked, almost sounding like Hope as she whined.

Dean shrugged. "I'm game. Sammy?"

Sam downed the rest of his beer and snagged another brownie, the last one on the plate, Dean noticed. "Why not. Any rules?"

Dean grinned. "Don't lose."

Sam's eyes narrowed and Dean cackled internally. He and Sam hadn't relaxed like this together in years. "You getting fresh with me, dipstick?" Sam shouted.

Dean shrugged. "What'cha gonna do about it, faceache?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Jeez. You two are never allowed to watch The Amazing World of Gumball again. Ever."

Tory grabbed the shot glasses and Andy came back with a bottle of whiskey. "I know Ryan can't handle vodka and Tory starts channeling her inner Jack Sparrow if she drinks rum, but all of us are fairly tolerable to whiskey. Am I right?"

Everyone nodded and she passed the bottle around for everyone to pour themselves a shot. "Half a glass," she warned. "Trust me. I've played this before. It goes on a while."

Dean poured his to the top. "Bring it, Blackwell."

Her jaw set and she plopped down in the chair across from him, snagged the bottle, and filled her glass to the rim as well. "Fine, WinchASSter. Let's do this." She smirked. "Never have I ever been in such a toxic, codependent relationship with my brother people have referred to it as 'iffy'."

"That was fanfiction, and it doesn't count," Dean muttered.

Andy's eyebrow rose. Dean looked at Sam, who shrugged and tossed back his shot. Dean rolled his eyes, but did the same. He cleared his throat. "Fine. "Never have I ever nearly had my head shot off because someone thought I was a demon's clone."

Her eyes narrowed as she downed the shot. "Never have I ever had gay rumors circling around about me and my friend."

His mouth fell open but he downed the shot, noticing Ryan, to his left, did the same. She looked at him. "What? People thought me and Jody were..." she cleared her throat and shrugged. "My turn." She looked at Andy. "Never have I ever had an iffy night with friends."

"Oh! Well then, you gotta down that shit too, missy. You were wondering what the hell happened just like I was!" Andy proclaimed.

Ryan sat back and crossed her arms. "I still had on my underwear. The same couldn't be said for you two."

Dean's mouth went dry as the images popped, unbidden in his head. It wasn't bad to look at, either.

Tory and Andy glanced at one another and both downed the shot. "Me! Me!" Tory cried. She thought a moment. "Hmmm..." she glanced at Sam almost sadly as she said, "Never have I ever been afraid of clowns." Sam glared at her, but downed the shot, as did Ryan. "Whoops! Sorry, Ryan!" Tory giggled.

"No you're not," she told Tory. She glanced at Sam. "Your turn, bro."

He grinned and looked at Andy. "Never have I ever been to Peru."

"Fuck," Ryan muttered as she downed another shot along with Andy. "Ya'll suck," she commented and Dean heard the slight slur in her words already. "Oh! I got one. Never have I ever been in a relationship with a car."

"Hey!" Dean told her as he looked at her. "Leave my baby outta this. She didn't do anything."

Ryan smirked at him. "I swear to God, sometimes I think you'd have sex with her if she had a big enough intake valve."

Dean's mouth fell open but he set his jaw and downed the shot. "Now you're just being mean."

Ryan's smirk grew. "You ain't seen mean yet, sugar."

Dean glanced around the room. Well, if he was going to be mean to one of them, he could do it to three in one. "Never have I ever gone to college."

Sam, Andy, and Ryan all downed shots. Andy glowered at him. "Never have I ever been too stupid to finish high school so I went and got a GED."

His eyes narrowed as he drank the shot, noticing Tory did as well. Tory glanced at him. "Never have I ever traveled through time."

He and Sam both drank and he started to feel that warm buzz in his stomach. He'd not been buzzed, since, well, that night at Ryan's house. But he glanced over at her, rosy-cheeked and smiling and he felt good. This was okay. He could do this. He glanced at Tory. He knew which way her wind was blowing. "Never have I ever had erotic daydreams about my best friend."

She chuckled. "Is that supposed to offend me?" She downed her shot and said, "Never have I ever had gay porn written about me."

Dean and Sam both took a drink for that one. "Damn internet freaks," he muttered.

Sam's turn was next. "Never have I ever slept with an angel."

Dean blinked. "Dude. You went there?!"

Sam shrugged. "All's fair in love and war."

"Fuck, man. My own brother," he commented as he downed the shot. He noticed Tory did too. "Whoa. What angel did you bang?"

Tory shrugged. "Didn't catch her name, but she was a hell of a kisser."

Dean's brain froze once more before Ryan snapped her fingers in front of his face. Sam whispered something in her ear and smiled proudly. "Never have I ever wore a shirt that says 'I wuv hugs'."

Dean burst out, "That's not fair! I was four!"

Sam chuckled. "Not upstairs you weren't."

Dean glowered at him as he took his shot. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "In that case, never have I been felt up under the table by a tween sporting enough hardware to put my baby's grill to shame."

Sam downed the shot and his eyebrow went up. "Oh yeah? Never have I ever had syphilis."

"Bullshit. That witch gave you the clap. Ring a bell, dumbass?" Dean reminded him.

"That's gonorrhea, you meathead," Sam muttered. "Fine. I'll make it easy. Never have I ever had a sexually transmitted disease." Everyone but Ryan took a drink on that one.

She glanced around at the table. "You four frighten me. Seriously." She glanced at Tory, then gave Sam a sad smile. "Sorry, Sam, but I'm in it to win it." She smirked at Tory. "Never have I ever slept with a werewolf."

Tory gasped. "You said you wouldn't tell!"

Ryan shrugged. "Shit happens."

Tory and Sam both downed their shots and Andy gave Ryan this wicked grin. "Never have I ever had a crush on a fellow hunter."

"Oh! Well that's...damn it," Ryan muttered as she took a shot. She glanced around the table. "Oh no, you all better raise your glasses before I start naming names."

Grudgingly, they all drank down one.

Andy smirked playfully at Sam. "Never have I ever had sex with a demon."

"Hold up," Dean began. "Do alternate timelines apply?"

Andy nodded her head and Sam downed a shot, as did Dean. Ryan downed one too. She grinned at Dean and he knew she was really starting to fly high. "You know...you'd be pretty damn hot as a demon, babe. Of course, you'd be pretty sexy as an angel, too."

He smirked at that. "Same goes, peaches. Same goes."

She nodded and smiled before her eyes narrowed. "Never have I ever been secretly obsessed with Dr. Sexy M.D."

Dean chuckled under his breath as he downed the shot. Yeah, his girl could play dirty, couldn't she? "Hey, he wears COWBOY boots. How can you not like that?!"

"Oh yeah?" Tory stated. "Never have I ever been able to quote every Clint Eastwood movie. Ever." She giggled. "You forget I knew Bobby, too, Dean."

Dean opened his mouth to argue, shrugged, smirked, and downed his shot. "Not even gonna bitch about that one." He glanced at Sam, who was red cheeked, a sign he was well on his way to being drunk off his lanky ass. "Never have I ever acted in a commercial for genital herpes."

"Fucking Gabriel," Sam growled under his breath. He upended his glass and came back with, "Never have I ever been afraid to fly."

Dean admitted that one as well and downed his shot, noticing Tory did as well. "Got issues with air travel, too, Allard?"

"Hell yes." She thought a moment. "Never have I ever used the word 'Rehymenated'." At Dean's look, she added, "First off, we're friends with Jody, too, and, besides, you know we all KNOW you, right?"

He smirked and rounded on Andy after his shot. "Fine. Never have I ever taken my shirt off at my best friends dinner table, flashing everyone."

Andy shot him a droll look as she downed the booze.

Sam spoke up then. "Never have I ever been a vampire."

Ryan and Dean both downed a shot.

Tory spoke up with, "Never have I ever been thrown in the nut house for being honest."

Ryan, Sam, and Dean took a shot then. Dean looked at Ryan. "What happened?"

She shook her head, almost to clear it. "Wraith. Thank God for Jody or I wouldn't be here."

He didn't like the thoughts of that, so he sent Sam a grin. "Never have I ever lost my soul."

"That shit shouldn't count. Cas was the one that didn't give it back to me. Get his ass in here to start drinking!" Sam shouted somewhat belligerently.

"Okay, boys, let's not fight," Andy chided as she glanced Dean's way again. "Never have I ever fathered an angel, vampire, or cambion."

Dean fired back with, "Hell, we don't know what Sam's sired out there in the world."

Andy replied with, "We don't know what other spawn you've created either, Dean."

He was starting to get just a bit pissed off with this little lightweight and he felt that urge to take her down building as his competitive streak came out. "Never have I ever been an uppity bitch with a 4.0 GPA..."

Andy defiantly crossed her arms. "I maintained a 3.8, assmunch. So to quote Ryan from earlier, 'fuck and you' buddy."

Dean saw Ryan out of the corner of his eye down a shot. She glanced at him. "All I had to do in school _was _study. I was a social pariah, remember? Of course I had a 4.0. It was only business courses anyway."

Tory smirked and told Sam, "Drink up, bitch. You know you had a 4.0 as well."

"Fine." Sam downed his shot. He glanced at his brother. "Never have I ever been a chick."

All three girls drank and Dean downed the shot, then looked at his brother. "Wait. Press pause. How did you..." his eyes narrow. "That little fucker! Gabe gave you _that_ memory?!"

Sam shrugged. "Gabe likes me better than he likes you, I guess."

"Enough to make you watch me die a billion Tuesdays?"

"Enough not to kill ME a billion Tuesdays..."

Dean glanced around the table to find the girls all just looking at him. "What?! I was the King of Hell. The witch who cast the spell didn't get the memo!"

Andy clapped her hands together. "Alright. Back to business. Never have I ever ran screaming from a Yorkie."

"Son of a bitch," he muttered. Those damn chicks had read the fucking Supernatural books! Not fair! "Never have I ever had sex with you," he replied and Tory drank. He blinked. He'd file that information away for later.

Andy shot him a glare. "Never have I ever had sex with _you_." This time, Ryan drank.

Dean fired back with; "Never have I ever THOUGHT about it!" He didn't miss Sam slyly downing the shot, clearly hoping no one would see him. That one, he'd deal with later, too.

"Same goes!" Andy shouted, and to his surprise, Tory drank again.

He grinned. "Thanks, Allard."

She looked him up and down. "You're built like a bull, Dean. I bet you're hung like one, too."

He didn't know how to come back to that, so he cleared his throat and glared at Andy. "Never have I ever kissed you, Blackwell." This time, both the other women took their shots.

"Whoa...hold the fuck up. Ryan? You kissed Andy?" Sam's words were more than a little slurred, but he blinked and focused on them.

Andy shrugged. "It was a necessity thing." She grinned. "But I liked it. Ryan's one hell of a kisser."

"I know," Sam and Dean both spoke at the same time. Dean looked at his brother and Sam winced. "Sorry. I...uh...the memory...deja vu..."

Dean shook his head. He didn't need to think about it. Not now. Andy glared at Dean. "Never have I ever been dumped on account of what I do."

Ryan muttered under her breath, "Below the belt, Blackwell."

Dean downed the shot and said, "Nah, that's fine, Ryan. I'm a big boy, I can take it." He pondered a moment. "Never have I ever had a taste for rabbit food or wussified lattes."

The other four drank and Ryan rounded on him. "Do you, or do you not secretly like spinach?"

He clutched his crest dramatically. "I thought we were a team, baby!" But he downed the shot anyway.

Tory took another turn. "Never have I ever been infected with demon blood." Sam, Dean, and Ryan all took a shot. "At least we're cured," Ryan countered.

Dean glanced at Andy, "Never have I ever tortured demons."

"Bullshit. We've all done that." She smirked. "Never have I ever apprenticed in Hell."

He downed his shot and Tory said, "Never have I ever met my parents before I was born." He and Sam both downed a shot. It had quickly become a free-for-all of who could shout out questions first.

Andy spoke up again, loudly, "Never have I ever wore pink satin panties. And liked it."

Dean growled as he downed the shot along with the three women. "I'mma kill Chuck."

Ryan's brows quirked. "Is that true, Dean?" she asked in an innocent tone. "Because, I'll buy you some, baby."

The whole table laughed. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Never have I ever thought I, Dean, was a dick." He was more than a little surprised when all four of the others took the shot. "Hey!" he cried indignantly.

Sam giggled. "You can't deny it. You can resent it all damn day, but you can't deny it."

Dean glowered at Sam. "I got one word; moist."

Sam shuddered. "Oh yeah? How about two words. Alien abduction."

"IT WAN'T REAL!" Dean shouted. "THOSE WERE FARIES!"

"That's what he said!" Sam chortled just as the girls all shouted in unison "THE FOURTH KIND IS A BUTT THING!"

Dean's jaw ticked. "I lost my shoe."

Sam hit back with; "Khan worm."

Dean nose curled. "We're hurling insults now? I thought I was kicking ya'll's asses at this game."

Andy just shot him a look. "Really Dean? Okay. Never have I ever been infected by a siren."

"You wanna play dirty, Blackwell?" Dean snarled. The siren thing had always pissed him off that he'd been tricked by the little fucker. "Never have I ever ran my sibling off where they didn't come back."

Andy's face was a mask of hurt but she fired back with deadly accuracy, "Never have I ever played second fiddle to my brother's pet demon."

Dean sat back after taking the shot. "Never have I ever been mistaken for said black eyed skank."

"Never have I been possessed by an angel."

"Almost," he corrected. "And the bastard didn't get me. But I'll drink because I wanna give you that one." He drank the shot. "Never have I ever been possessed by a demon."

Her mouth fell open. "Ryan told you about that?"

Dean blinked. "You've been possessed? Seriously?"

Andy glared at him. "Yes. One of the bastards got away from me. I didn't know about the tattoo at the time. It managed to manhandle me until my anti-possession charm fell off when my necklace broke. Fuck." She sighed. "Never have I ever been Lucifer's bitch."

"Never have I ever killed a Leviathan." Dean challenged, getting her back in the game. He didn't like to think about how she, or anyone else at the table could have been a victim to those monsters, even if his son was half of one.

She downed the shot. "Got one out in Burbank, California. Nasty ass fuckers." She smirked. "Never have I ever started the apocalypse."

Dean downed that one and looked around. Ryan and Sam looked like they were almost done. He quickly ticked back the past few "never have I ever's" and realized Ryan and Sam both had answered a couple of them.

He looked at Ryan, who smirked. "Never have I ever been psychic."

"Hey!" Sam groused as he downed his shot. "Never have I ever been to Heaven."

Ryan giggled and leaned against him. "That covers you, too, dufus."

"Oh, yeah..." he muttered as he, Dean, and Ryan all took the shot. "Never have I ever been Death."

"Ass," Dean growled as he took the shot. "Never have I ever hit a dog."

"That's low, even for you," Sam muttered as he took another hit.

Tory was looking a little weak as she slurred, "Never have I ever broke the world."

"Hey, that doesn't count. We may break it, but we fix it," Dean countered.

She nodded. "Okay." She put her head on the table and began snoring. He didn't want to think about how many brownies she ate.

Ryan giggled. "Never have I ever been chased by a car while a ghost was possessing it."

"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" Andy muttered.

Sam and Dean both took a shot with her and Ryan blinked. "Is it that common?" she asked.

"Yes," the other three answered in unison.

Ryan suddenly got a strange look on her face. "Babe?" Dean asked. "You okay?"

She swallowed hard and nodded. "I'm...yeah. I feel like shit."

"I think we should call this a night," Sam muttered as he began rubbing his stomach.

Dean poured another shot and toasted them all with a giggle. "I think I've drank double the amount of all of you and I'm still on my feet. Even when I lose, I win. What'cha say, Blackwell? Wanna keep going since the wimps have bailed out?"

She smirked. "Bring it, bitch."

Just then, Ryan said, "Uh...guys..." only moments before she puked all over the kitchen floor. Dean only had a half a second to groan before Sam quickly followed. His brother never could let anyone puke alone.

Dean and Andy exchanged a glance and she sighed. "Come on, Ry, let me get you cleaned up. Let Dean manhandle Sammy.

"S'rry," Ryan managed as Andy moved to stand by her side.

"Yeah, yeah, we shoulda known better. You can hold your liquor pretty damn well, but not with the hash. That might have been over the limit for you. Come on. Up you get...let's get you upstairs."

"You're bossy. And short," Ryan informed her.

"Yeah, yeah, file it away for later," Andy growled as she hauled Ryan to her feet. She glanced at Dean. "This okay?"

Dean nodded and watched them walk out of the room before he glanced at Tory who sat up, murmured something about needing sleep, stood, walked to the living room, and fell onto the couch.

Dean sighed and walked to his brother. "Come on, little big man. Let's get you to bed."

"I don't...I don't feel so good," Sam managed.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Dude. We are too old for this shit. Remind me to kill Allard in the morning, okay?"

"Yeah...after sleep."

"Yeah, princess. After your beauty sleep." He somehow managed to get Sam down the steps, to his bedroom, and pulled his brother's shoes off. He snagged the trash can from the bathroom and sat it next to Sam's bed. He had the feeling Sam would need it again before the night was over. He walked back up the stairs and met Andy at the kitchen door. "Ryan okay?"

Andy nodded. "She's passed out drunk on the bed. I got her a trashcan." She thought a moment. "Sam gonna be alright?"

"Yeah." Dean chuckled. "It's funny, but even as big as he is, he can't hold his liquor that well, and I guess he just hit his limit."

"I should have been more careful with Ryan. I knew she couldn't drink as much as me and Tory, then the drugs..." Andy muttered. "I hope this doesn't like, screw with her sobriety as far as the drugs go."

Dean's brows quirked. It wouldn't, would it? "You're really a good friend for her, aren't you?"

She winced. "Tonight? Not good enough."

He knew how she felt. He was feeling like dick of the year for letting Sam and Ryan both get shit-faced drunk. And he was more than a little angry Hope and Kris had made those damn brownies without warning anyone. He glanced at Tory, who was snoring on the couch before he looked back at Andy. "You tired?"

"No."

Dean nodded. "Okay. Well, just, uh, I'll clean up the kitchen..."

Andy's nose wrinkled. "Come on, Dean, there's two giant pools of puke in there. You know you want help cleaning that shit up."

He rubbed the back of his neck as he appraised her. "Yeah, I guess I do. Do you mind?"

She shot him a look. "Would I be hanging around if I did? Now, where's the mop?"

He directed her to the closet in the laundry room and began throwing down paper towels as he gathered up the shot glasses and now multiple empty bottles of booze. He took them out to the recycling can and when he returned, Andy was down on her hands and knees wiping up with the paper towels. He grabbed another roll and joined her.

They worked in silence, side-by-side for a few minutes before she laughed. "So, hows it feel to win?"

"Shut up," he growled. He chanced a glance at her as she sat up on her knees and swiped a strand of hair out of her face with the back of her arm. "So, how come you're still standing?"

She sighed. "I'm not proud of it, but...we share a crutch."

"Really?"

She gave him a surprised look. "My comatose sister got possessed and turned Lucifer loose on the world. Not exactly the kind of stuff sobriety's made of."

He nodded at that. "Right. Neither is being the brother of the guy who helped her."

She looked at him sincerely for a moment. "He didn't know."

Dean looked her over a moment before he told her softly, "Neither did Ariel." Andy's eyes widened as she opened her mouth but Dean held up his hand. "Sam told me. That okay?" she nodded and he blew out a breath. "Look, I think he told me because...well, you know what I got a problem with. I look at you and I see Ruby and if you're honest with yourself, you can't blame me, just like I can't blame you for hating me for killing her, even though it wasn't her. Point is, he told me because it's a hell of a lot harder for me to hold a grudge against an innocent girl. And...it worked."

She nodded in understanding and they worked in silence for a while before he added, "You know, that thing today...I...it wasn't about you."

She stood and walked to the sink to begin the water for the stuff to mop the floor with. "Doesn't make me any less angry, Dean. You can't lord over her."

He stood, too, and walked toward her, bringing the mop with him and propping it up against the cabinet. "I can try my damnedest to keep her safe."

She sighed and turned to face him. "Sometimes you can't save people. You can only love them." She was silent a moment before she tacked on; "You ever think maybe you can't protect everyone you love?"

He slammed is hand down on the counter, making her jump. "You think I don't know that?! All the times I've tried and failed to keep SAM safe? I sold my damn soul for him and I still couldn't keep him safe. That bitch Ruby..."

Andy swirled the mop in the cleaning solution and sat it back down on the floor, leaning against it a moment. "You know, I realize I don't know you, Dean, but I don't think you have the right to be that angry at her."

Dean just looked at her. "WHAT?!"

She shrugged. "It was SAM that got screwed over. Not you. In all that damn time, you blamed him for getting fucked over, and trust me, he got fucked over royally. But, never did you go up to him and say, 'It's okay, Sammy, we all get duped every now and again.' For once, in your miserable existence, you should think about HIS feelings, not YOURS."

Dean leaned back. "WHOA. Where the hell did that one come from? You don't even KNOW him."

She blinked in confusion. "I, uh, I don't know." She shook her head and thought a minute. "But I'm right and you know it." Her eyes narrowed. "And FYI? That bitch? She was possessing my SISTER. I'd think you could relate."

Dean opened his mouth, but she yelled, "Don't! I'm not Ryan, I don't love you regardless of you being a complete and total dick. Don't like you a whole hell of a lot, to be honest, even at the best of times. So, let me make myself clear; you wanna get on your high horse with me again, I'll knock you off. Trust me, the fall will be a doozie!"

Dean looked a little surprised and blinked, the edge of a smile playing on his lips as his mind whirled. "Damn."

"What?!" Andy asked sarcastically. "An ego that size should be able to take a hell of a lot more than that."

He couldn't help the grin that covered his face. "No. I just..I realized why you irritate me to no fucking end...you're 'chick' me!"

She glared at him. "Like hell I am."

He smirked. "Go sit your pretty little ass down and think about it, come back to me when you realize I'm right."

Her brows furrowed. "Did...did you just insult me or compliment me?"

He shrugged as he snagged the mop handle out of her hand. "Take it any way you want to, princess. Now, I got this. Thanks for the help. Let me clean my damn kitchen."

She stood there a moment more before she washed her hands, snagged another beer from the fridge, and walked off toward the living room. Dean let out a chuckle. Maybe Blackwell wasn't such a bad egg after all.

He mopped the floor, put the mop outside to dry, then grabbed a beer himself. He wasn't a bit tired. Maybe some late night TV would do the trick. To his surprise, Andy was sitting there as well, talking softly to Tory, who appeared to be more awake. "You two need to sleep it off. No way I'm gonna let Ryan's two best friends drive anywhere," he muttered as he sat down on the couch as well.

Andy glanced at him in surprise, but Tory turned to him and hugged him for all was worth. "Dean, I love ya, even if you did try ta kill me today."

He patted her back awkwardly. "Yeah, uh, okay, Allard. Thanks for that."

"I just...like, I love her too, Dee. Can I call ya Dee? I love her, too, man. I mean, I'm not in love with her, though, if she woulda had me, I woulda showed her that girl things that'd make a whore blush, ya feel me?"

Dean was beginning to, and not necessarily in a good way. "Uh, yeah."

"I mean, but really. I love her. She's...she's the only family I got." She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Did'ya know that? She's my only family. My mom and pops disowned me." She nodded. "Yup. All cuz I love everybody equal. Like, don't see man or woman, cock or pussy...I just...I just see love. And love is love, kay? And I love." She gave him a big grin. "Okay, most of the time, I'm in heat, but you get the gist." She snagged Andy's beer from her and took a generous swig. Dean noticed Andy didn't even comment, just rolled her eyes and stood from the couch, presumably to get another.

"But I want to let you know, I'd never hurt her, Dee, kay? Like, I love her and she loves me and she'd be really pretty pissed if ya shot me." She took another swig of the beer and gave it a little wave as she continued talking. "I mean, I'm not stupid enough to think I won't go out bloody. It's the job, right? But I'mma try my hardest to be good."

"That's...that's nice, Tor," Dean told her as he saw Andy chuckle as she came back in with a fresh beer and a bag of pretzels.

"We can just blame the ginger for the events of today, yeah?"

Dean chuckled at that and clinked beer bottles with her. "Sure. Why not?"

"Oh! I love your munchkins, too!" Tory continued. "Almost makes me want one, myself." She was all but clinging to Dean at this point and she looked up at him, drunk and almost sad. "You think there's someone out there? Someone for me like there is someone for you?"

Dean thought about his angel friend. Cas had been busy in Heaven, lately, restoring shit up there. He'd come down a time or two and asked Hope's opinion on things. Apparently the panel assembled upstairs was holding a slot for his daughter when she grew into her grace. That was something he wasn't thinking about today. No, he focused on Cas.

Why on earth the angel would fall for Tory, this broken creature, was beyond him. Of course, Cas _had _fallen before. He'd chosen humanity's side when he'd sided with the Winchester brothers and he'd paid for it in spades. But now he was back to being an angel, but that didn't mean he wasn't also Sam and Dean's brother.

That's when it hit him...Cas _was _his brother, in all the ways it counted. 'Family don't end in blood, boy.' That's what Bobby had said, and he was right. Cas was his family, just like Tory and Andy were Ryan's. And that meant he had to love them, too. Somehow. And though he had the memory of Cas asking not to be introduced to Victoria Allard, Dean wasn't going to sit by and let Tory be unhappy. Nope, he was going to hook his angel brother up with her. A booze swilling, toke taking hunter. Well, hell, that was going to be a pretty picture.

He smiled at her. "Look, I got the inside track...there's a...dude out there for you. I know you'll meet him, sometimes soon."

"Really?" she asked on a yawn as she moved to put her head in Andy's lap. "That's...that's awesome," she managed before she began snoring again.

Dean chuckled as he turned his attention to the TV.

"That was really nice," Andy commented.

Dean shrugged. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a total and complete dickhead."

Andy just looked at him. "Hmmm, I wouldn't be too sure about that."

He laughed out loud. "Asshole."

She giggled as she handed him the pretzel bag. He took a handful and she asked, "Is there any good movies on?"

"I got Tombstone in the DVD player."

"Oh!" She side-eyed him. "Will you use it against me if I admit it's my favorite movie?"

He pretended to think about that a moment. "Only if you don't use it against me for admitting the same damn thing."

She pondered that. "Does this mean we're not friends anymore?" she drawled. "If I thought you weren't my friend, I just couldn't live with myself."

He grinned. "My hypocrisy only goes so far."

She giggled. "Why, Johnny Ringo! You look like someone just walked over your grave."

He smirked. "You're no Daisy. No Daisy at all."

She laughed. "Just flip on the damn DVD, Dean."

He grabbed the remote from the coffee table and pulled Tory's feet into his lap. Might as well make the sleeping girl a little more comfortable. "Hey, Andy?"

She looked over at him. "Yeah?"

His smile grew. "I'm yo huckleberry."

She stuck her tongue out at him. The movie went to the menu screen and she chuckled softly.

"What?" Dean asked her as he pressed 'play.'

"Nothing. It's just...that's the first time you've called me that."

"Huckleberry?" he asked, confused.

She shook her head. "No. you called me Andy."

"It's your name, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah." She was quiet a moment. "You know what, Dean? I think you're a marshmallow under that tough exterior."

He snorted. "Don't let that shit get out. I got a rep to maintain."

She shot him a wink. "Your secret's safe with me."

* * *

**Ryan POV **

The next morning, Ryan woke to find a Mariachi band playing in her head. "Fuck me," she groaned as she sat up. The whole room swam and she grasped the nightstand. "Holy shit. Dean? Dean, if you love me, you'll get me drugs. And not the damn hash."

When he didn't reply, she glanced over at his side of the bed, wincing as her head exploded in pain. His side of the bed was empty. As a matter of fact, it looked like it hadn't even been slept on. She glanced at the clock and noticed it was late morning. Very late morning. She groaned again as she walked to the bathroom to pee. She swirled some water in her mouth, and when that did nothing, brushed her teeth then swished with mouthwash. Her mouth still tasted like the bottom of her boot. She glanced down to realize she was still in the same clothes from yesterday. Not feeling like changing clothes, she downed a few aspirin and groaned her way down the stairs. A glance in the kitchen found Sam pouring coffee. "I've never been so hungover in my whole life," she muttered.

He nodded and handed her a cup of black coffee. "I feel ya."

She took a sip as he poured another cup, winced at the sheer potency of it, and looked around. "Where's Dean?" He hadn't been upstairs anywhere she'd noticed on her way down. Matter of fact, the whole house was frighteningly quiet.

He took sip of his own coffee, smiled, and gestured toward the living room. She walked to the door to find Dean, sitting, sound asleep on one end of the couch, his mouth hanging open, snoring slightly. Andy was leaning, propped against his shoulder, drooling slightly onto his shirt. Tory was lying with her head on the opposite arm rest and her legs were sprawled across Andy with her feet in Dean's lap. "Do I wanna know?" she asked as she came back into the kitchen.

Sam just grinned from where he was standing, propped against the island. "I think our soul mates made friends last night."

Ryan gasped then winced as pain shot through her head. "How did you figure it out?" she asked as she rubbed the heel of her hand against forehead.

He shrugged. "I'm smarter than I look." He appraised her. "I shouldn't be surprised you know."

"I wanted to tell you..." she began.

He shook his head. "Trust me. I know why you didn't. I just...not that I mind, but why the hell is it her?"

Ryan shrugged. "Who knows?"

"Am I crazy?"

"Why?"

"Besides the obvious? I've known her for like, five seconds, Ryan."

"But she's the one. We both know it."

He blew out a breath. "There wasn't a cupid here last night. Was it?"

At that, she shook her head. "Not that I know of, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Or, it doesn't mean you weren't always destined for her. I guess we'll never know." She smiled at him. "I once read 'When the soul is ready, its mate will appear' so, maybe that's the way it works sometimes? Maybe you two met and you didn't even realize it, way back, back like Dean and I did, as babies. You and Dean and John traveled all over the country. Can you say you never met a little girl with black hair and brown eyes and skinned knees?"

He blinked. "I can...I can almost picture her."

She smiled. "Maybe you did see her then."

"But she's...Ryan, what am I going to do?"

She blew out a breath. "You got two options. One; you pretend you don't know, that your heart is lying to you."

"Or?"

She gave him a soft smile. "Or you jump into the best damn thing you'll ever experience. Your call." He glanced back in the direction of the living room as her smile grew. "I know it's odd, but somehow, it's fitting, don't you think?"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah. Weird though."

"What's weird about it? Like, you have one specific thing in mind?"

He snorted on a nod. "Besides the resemblance? C'mon, Ryan, you don't see it?"

She shrugged again. "Guess not. Call me slow. _And_ hungover. See what?"

He looked a little green around the gills as he admitted, "She's Dean in a skirt. And you...?"

She blinked, put two and two together, and cried, "EW, SAM! I was only nauseous before from the alcohol! Now I'm nauseated _and _wigged."

"You want a MORE disturbing thought? The only person he could love more than us? Himself." Gesturing toward the living room, he said, "Case in point."

Ryan couldn't help it. She started laughing, headache be damned. "So...you're telling me...that Sam and Dean Winchester's soul mates, are EACH OTHER?!" she doubled over laughing, thoughts of the hangover forgotten. "Oh my God...the fanfiction almost writes itself..."

Sam slammed his coffee cup on the counter. Walking away, he muttered, "Glad you're amused, 'Moose'."

She called after him, still laughing, "Sam! Sam, wait!" She managed to catch him at the door to the basement. She wiped away a few laughter tears and snagged his arm. "Wait. Seriously." She cleared her throat. "I love ya, Sam. And, well, I guess it's like loving myself, but really, I DO love you. And I'm so glad you're my family." She gave him a little smile. "And I'm kinda glad I'm not an asshole like Dean is."

He glared at her, arms crossed, until a smile broke his face. "I don't know. You're kind of an asshole."

She smirked. "Yeah? Well, you're kind of a douche."

He snagged her and brought her in for a hug. "Come here, you little jerk."

They hugged and as they parted she asked, "But, seriously, can I start calling Andy 'Squirrel' now?"

He chuckled. "Only if I can sit and watch the fallout."

She sobered. "Yeah. She's tiny, and, well, for lack of a better word, 'squirrelly'. And I do mean that legit. She'll beat your ass before you could bat an eyelash." She shivered. "It'd be like trying to baptize a cat."

His eyes got a far off look.

"What?" she asked warily.

"I'm just imagining it...you two fighting."

She smirked. "You and your brother are more alike than you think. I am NOT bringing baby oil into the ring when Andy and I spar."

He snapped his fingers in disappointment. "Damn. Could I interest you in some mud? It's good for your pores."

She shot him a look. "Sure, Samantha. We'll turn the sparring room into a day spa, just for you."

He glared right back at her. "YOU and my brother are more alike than you think."

She grinned. "You know it. Now, go take a shower. You smell like a wino's ass."

He just looks at her. "You're no spring flower yourself, Moose."

Her lips quirked. "Hey, Moose are majestic creatures I'll have you know..."

He paused. "Don't tell her, okay?"

She nodded. "Of course. But can I ask why?"

He squared his shoulders. "I'm going to court her."

Ryan couldn't quite hold in the giggle. "Is that so?" she asked in amusement.

He nodded. "If she's gonna be with me, I want it to be because she wants to, not because she knows she's been bound to me by an angel."

She bit her lip as another smile graced her lips. She couldn't stop smiling. "That sounds reasonable."

"And _you _are telling Dean. At least he won't deck you."

She nodded. "Yeah, that's probably for the best. But, uh, you don't give your brother enough credit, Sam. When he hears you have a chance at what he and I have? He'll bend over backwards to make it happen."

Sam shook his head. "I hope like hell you're right."

She glanced back down the hallway. She heard Dean letting out a loud, obnoxious yawn, probably to wake up the two women who were currently sleeping with him. She'd muse over that one later. She knew nothing had happened. She trusted him. Trusted Andy and Tory, too. She did hope some serious talking went on over the night, but other than that, she felt sure they'd just fallen asleep where they sat. It wouldn't be the first time Dean had done that very thing. She winked. "I'd bet on it."

"You know...I thought, that day we met, my birthday, I thought it was just another thing in the long line of shit that happens on my birthday. Bad shit, you know?"

She nodded softly. She did know. She'd read about it.

He smiled. "Turns out, she's the best damn birthday present I ever got."

Ryan let out a squeal and hugged him tightly. "I love you, brother bear. I'm so happy for you."

"Well, we aren't ringing wedding bells just yet. Gotta get her on board, you know."

Ryan felt confident it wouldn't take as much persuading as he thought it would. So she smiled. "Sounds...reasonable. Just...don't waste time. The amount of time Dean and I could have had..." It was a sobering thought. "Just, don't waste it, okay?"

He smiled at that and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, Ryan, for not having normal friends."

She smiled as she watched him walk down the stairs. She shut his door giving him a little privacy and turned to walk back down the hall. Dean was standing there, smiling at her. "Hey. How you feeling?"

"Like Death ate me for breakfast, puked me out, then sent me back into the world," she answered honestly. She smiled at him. "So, what did you and the girls do last night?"

Dean chuckled as he walked to pour himself a cup of coffee. Now that Ryan was a little more alert and not feeling quite as bad, she snagged some creamer for hers. "You mean, after you two lightweights barfed and passed out on us? And Tory fell asleep? We cleaned up, drank beer, and watched Tombstone. Did you know it's her favorite?"

She rolled her eyes and winced as pain shot through her head. _Mental note; do not roll eyes whilst hungover. _"Holy shit. I forgot about that. Damn it. I'll never get a chance to watch another movie ever again with you two!" She shook her head as she snagged an Oatmeal Cream Pie from the pantry. She needed food to soak up what alcohol was left in her system. Her poor liver had worked overtime the night before. "Another Doc Holiday wannabe...that's all we need."

Dean glared at her. "Well, we'll make it easy. She can be Doc. I'm, naturally, Wyatt Earp."

Ryan giggled and patted his cheek. "Of course you are."

Andy walked in and stared at Dean.

"What?!"

She smirked. "I stand corrected, Wyatt. You're an oak."

As Dean laughed and sent another quote Andy's way, Ryan groaned. "For God's sake..." she shook her head, snatched up her coffee and cream pie and said, "I'm going to take a shower. You two...get that out of your system, alright? I'll be back down to start breakfast in a little while."

"I'll cook," Dean offered. "I feel fine."

"Hey, Dean, want me to call the girls back? Tell them it's safe to come home?" Andy offered.

"Yeah, thanks, Andy."

"Where _are_ the kids?" Ryan wondered aloud. She'd noticed the house was too quiet...

"The boy woke up and we gave the girls some cash to take them to the park. They went to get doughnuts, too. I'm sure they'd be cool with some breakfast, er, lunch, too."

Dean smiled at Ryan. "You know what's good for a hangover?"

"You say one more word about anything that makes me puke, it only ends bad on you," she warned.

He blinked and smiled. "I, uh, I was going to offer you some toast."

She shot him a glare. "Sure you were." She turned toward the stairs and heard the two chuckling in the kitchen. She shook her head. Life had a funny way of working out, indeed.

* * *

"Ry? You okay?" she heard over the soothing sound of the water drumming.

"Yeah, just trying to drown myself in the shower." she answered.

She heard Dean chuckle. "So, Andy's manning the food while I brush my teeth. My mouth tastes like someone took a big..."

"Finish that sentence and I'm going to come out there and strangle you," she warned.

He was quiet a moment but she heard him chuckling again. She was glad he found her so amusing. Not. She sighed. "You know, I was thinking..."

"Dangerous," he deadpanned as he moved closer to the shower so he didn't have to shout.

"Yeah, anyway, I was thinking about the wedding."

"Uh-oh. And?"

"I think you need to call Ben."

"Huh? Why? I mean, I've talked to him. What specifically do I need to..."

"He should be invited, Dean."

"He's not, _not _invited, Ryan..."

She opened the shower door and leaned out to look at him. He smirked and she realized she must look ridiculous with all her hair piled on top of her head in a cloud of shampoo. "Dean, man up. Don't be a little bitch about this."

He shot her a glare. "I just...what if..."

She sighed as she leaned back into the shower and scrubbed the shampoo out of her hair as she talked. "Babe, look, you two are talking. And that's awesome. But, I think, if you don't ask him, he's gonna be hurt."

"What if he says no?" she heard him ask softly.

"Well, it's either your feelings are hurt if he says no, or, he says yes, or his feelings are hurt that his father didn't ask him to come to the wedding."

Dean was silent. She knew though Dean and Ben had talked a few times on the phone, their relationship was still strained. And furthermore, neither really seemed to be acknowledging the fact Dean was his father.

She rinsed her hair and looked back out at him. "Dee, look, I know, even though you two are talking and tiptoeing around it, he _is _your son. You're his father. And he's going to be hurt if you don't at least ask him to the wedding."

"I don't want it to be weird."

She shot him a look. "Dean. We are Winchesters. Every damn thing we do is weird." He blinked and looked surprised. "What?" she inquired cautiously.

He smiled. "That's the second time in two days you've called yourself a Winchester."

She smirked. "Well, I mean, in a couple of weeks, it'll be official, so, yeah, I am." She tucked back into the shower and finished washing off before she grabbed the towel, wrapped it around her and stepped out. He was still wearing that goofy look on his face.

She smiled at him. "Look, call him. The worst he can say is no."

"Lisa's not gonna wanna come..."

At that, she snorted. "I'm sure she won't. But Ben will. And she'll be cool with it. Call him, then, before the wedding, drive up and go get him. Have a few days just you and him. We'll buy a plane ticket for him to fly home."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Really."

"You're the best, Ryan."

She smiled. "I know. It's just part of my charm."

"Modest, too."

At that, she shrugged. "When you're good, you're good. Go with it."

He shook his head and chortled as she walked out to get dressed.

* * *

**June Third **

**Dean POV**

"So, I've gotta run to the grocery. The kids are in bed and I just want to enjoy having a few minutes," Ryan told Dean and Sam as they sat watching a television program on fishing. Since Andy and Tory's place was by the lake, the two guys had taken up fishing on occasion. It was...relaxing. Dean had enjoyed fishing for years.

As a matter of fact, he had eaten his fair share of campfire fish while out hunting on his own before Sam had joined him after their dad went missing. He'd fished some, too, while he was with Lisa and Ben. Their neighbor, Sid, had a boat he'd taken Dean out on a few times. Maybe he needed to talk Ryan into getting a boat. He bet Bobby would love it. The girls, too. Something to think about.

"Oh! I'll come with," Dean stated as he stood. There was a recipe he wanted to try and he needed a few certain ingredients.

"Dean, babe. That's okay. I don't need help until I get home."

"I found a new recipe for a rub I want to try on a pork shoulder. Figured they'd make kick ass sandwiches to snack on..."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine." She turned to her brother-in-law. "Sammy?"

"I'm good. I'll keep the monsters in check if they wake up. What time are Kris and Hope getting home?"

"Should be any minute. This last week, they're really pushing these kids."

"The play is Saturday night, right?"

Ryan nodded. "I hope like hell no hunts come in..."

"If they do, we pawn them off. None of us are missing the girls' play," Dean stated flatly.

Ryan smiled. "Sounds like a plan. We can call Rudy, I think. Or maybe Garth? I know he's not hunting much, but it would work, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, just because he's wolfy, doesn't mean he can't still hunt fang." Dean thought a moment and smiled. "I'd actually like to see that. Like it's some kind of B-horror movie. A werewolf and a vampire fight."

Ryan snorted. "You've been watching crappy tween movies with the girls again, haven't you?"

"No! It just...it was on and they had control of the remote, and I was bored," Dean told her, hanging his head. It wasn't his proudest moment, he could admit that to himself.

She giggled and reached up to place a light kiss on his lips. "Come on. Let's go. Do you know what you need for the rub?"

He nodded. "Yep. I have it on my phone."

"I'm almost afraid of how well you can navigate that damn phone now."

"I'm multi-talented," he stated as he placed a hand on the small of her back as they walked out of the house. This was nice. He liked getting to go out with her, even if it was just to the damn grocery store. Any minute they could get alone was good for him. Not that he didn't love the kids and Sam, and, awww, hell, he was even warming up to Allard and Blackwell, who it seemed had become a permanent fixture in their lives all of a sudden.

"Yes, yes you are," she replied throatily.

His eyebrow rose. _Is Mama horny? Well then. I can handle that. _"You wanting to make the trip take a little longer?" he asked hopefully.

She smiled. "Maybe."

His eyes widened minutely as he hurried over to the passenger side of her car, wrenched the door open and sat down.

She chortled and he watched her as she walked around the front of the car. She hadn't worn a sundress but he wished she would have. It would have been easier than the tank/flannel shirt/shorts/boots combo she was rocking. Not that she didn't look fucking awesome. Those long, sexy legs were out on display and he really wanted them wrapped around him. Or her on his lap. That could totally work. It was June, and as such, was starting to get warmer, which was why she had been wearing shorts playing with Bobby and Jon in the backyard after dinner. But the nights still had a slight chill to them. He was glad she'd picked up her flannel shirt to wear as a light jacket. He smirked as she opened the car door. Besides, it wasn't like he couldn't help her out of her damn shorts, anyway.

She sat down behind the wheel and looked at him. "You do know we don't have to go and screw every time we get a few minutes alone, right?"

He gave her the panty-dropper smile. "Yeah. But it sure is a hell of a lot of fun."

She licked her lips and he watched in satisfaction as she rubbed her legs together slightly. He held in the smirk, just barely. He loved it when she got all turned on.

Instead of answering, she cranked the car, threw it in reverse, and tore ass out of the drive.

She drove to their special place, a small picnic area over by the lake they went to often. Sometimes during the day with the kids, sometimes, like now, at night, just the two of them. They'd begun stargazing, sneaking out a night like a couple of teenager, like teenagers neither of them had been. They didn't always have sex, but usually, they did. And it was always awesome.

She turned the car off and he motioned her over. "Come here, baby," he purred.

She smiled and kicked off her boots before she slithered over to him, not an easy feat in the Falcon, but it wasn't the first time they'd done this. She straddled him at first, kissing him for all she was worth, and he gave back to her in kind until they were both panting and wanting and he was in dire need of her to touch him. "Ryan," he begged.

She smirked and her hands moved to the button on his jeans. Once she had him out, she pumped him a few times and gasped. "I would love to suck on you, sugar," she murmured in his ear.

His hips bucked involuntarily. "Me too," he breathed. "But for now..." he moved to unfasten her shorts.

She half stood so he could push her shorts and panties down her legs before she turned and sat in his lap backwards. They'd found this position was best in this car. In the Impala, he could stretch her out on the backseat, or even on the front seat, she could straddle him, but this was best for the Falcon. Yes. They knew the best ways to have sex in every one of their cars. That wasn't a crime.

He pulled her back flush with his chest and palmed her breasts in his hands as his teeth nibbled gently on her neck. She slid further back, angled her hips just so, and he slid home.

"Fuck," they panted out in unison.

He released her so she could lean forward just slightly, to lean against the dashboard. He knew this wouldn't take either of them long. His hand dipped to her front and he began rubbing her clit.

"Dean..."

"I know, baby," he murmured as he began rubbing in time to her rocking motions, his hips pistoning them both toward the finish.

"Dee..." she began panting. "Dean..."

He kept fingering her as she rode, his other hand reaching up to leaf through her hair before he pulled it, just slightly, and that was all it took for her explode, sending him over the edge as well as she milked him.

She fell back against his chest and he began peppering gentle kissed up and down her neck to her ear. "Thank you," he breathed.

She let out a throaty chuckle. "Thank you." She reached in the glovebox in front of her and pulled out the package of wipes they kept in the car. It could be for them, it could be for the boys. No one was the wiser.

They cleaned up and she had a smirk on her face as she slithered back to the driver's seat. "You're insatiable."

"You didn't have to stop," he countered.

She thought a moment. "Well, we're both insatiable."

He nodded. "Damn straight."

She giggled, threw the car into gear, and drove to the grocery. Once they arrived, he stood and stretched, noticing two bag boys out smoking a cigarette. Were they even old enough to smoke? He'd be willing to bet not. "Got your list and stuff?" Dean asked.

Ryan stood. "Yeah. Just let me tie my boots and we'll be good to go..." She was parked so the driver's side was facing the two little douchebags. And Dean could tell, from that angle, they were getting a spectacular view of Ryan's ass as she bent over tying her boots.

His eyes narrowed in their direction as he walked around the car. "Come on, babe. You ready yet?"

She stood and nodded. "Yeah. I'm good. Let's go."

They walked toward the store and Dean overheard one of the little assholes say, "Dude. She comes in here with her kids like, once a week."

"Damn. That's one sexy ass MILF, bro."

Dean resisted the urge to pull his pistol out and shoot the cocky son of a bitch. But his fingers sure did itch.

"Dean? Babe? You wanna go get the meats while I get the produce?" Ryan asked him.

He looked at her and nodded. "Sure, babe. Sounds good."

She tore the meat portion off the sheet of paper and handed it to him. "Here ya go. Go and get this stuff, then we can meet over by the dairy case. You need to pick whatever kind of cheese you want for the burgers this week."

"I'm thinking mozzarella. Pizza burgers sound good?"

"Yum. Okay. Add pepperonis to your list then. I'll make sure to pick up so romaine lettuce and tomatoes for that homemade pizza sauce you like so much."

"Sounds good," he murmured as he looked at the list and they parted ways.

They finished their grocery shopping, only arguing once because she refused to buy ice cream. She informed him she was making pies later in the week and they didn't need ice cream. He reminded her it was for the kids. She called him on his bullshit by rolling her eyes and calling him a child. He muttered she was being a Debbie Downer. She reminded him of how Debbie did Dallas, but Ryan wouldn't be doing Dean if he didn't shut his cakehole. He wisely didn't come back with anything. They compromised and bought a box of mini ice cream sandwiches.

They made their way back to the car just as the grocery store was about to close for the night. They loaded the groceries into the car and Ryan returned the cart to the little shit who had made the MILF comment as he was gathering them all up to take back into the store. The kid smiled at her. "Have a nice night, ma'am.

Ryan, always nice, gave him a cordial smile. "Thanks, sweetie, you too."

As she walked away, Dean noticed the little brat ogling her ass again. "Hey man, have a nice night!" Dean barked.

The boy jumped as if noticing Dean for the first time. "Uh, thanks. Nice ride, man."

"Yeah, THANKS," Dean growled back.

Ryan, now laughing, walked up to Dean, and gave him a peck on the lips. "What are you laughing at?" Dean demanded poutily.

She shot him an amused look. "Seriously, Dean? It would have been more subtle if you peed on me. Now zip up and let's go."

His mouth fell open as he watched her climb into the car. He scooted over to the passenger side and sat. "Did you see the way he was looking at you?!"

"He's harmless, Dean."

"Yeah, but...he said..."

"I heard him earlier. His name is Lukas and he goes to school with the girls. He's in Hope's homeroom class. He's harmless. Trust me."

"He called you a MILF."

She smirked at that. "I know. And, damn, I think I like that."

His mouth fell open again. "Ryan..."

She rolled her eyes. "For God's sake, Dean. He's a child with fantasies."

"Yeah, he's gonna rub one out tonight in his dark room with his mommy sleeping one room over as he imagines your face and you calling him 'sweetie.' Honestly. What were you thinking?"

She sent him a glare and ignored him.

"Ryan..."

She chuckled. "Dean, babe, do you see me getting pissed every time some little chick looks at you? No. You're a sexy man. Apparently some guys find me pretty. I don't have a problem with it."

"First off, never call yourself something as mundane as 'pretty' in my presence again. And second, chicks don't look at me like they want to eat me and wear my skin. Finally, third, yes, I know I'm overreacting, okay?"

She coasted to a stop at the stop sign and leaned over to take his chin in her hand. "I love you, sweetheart. Even if you are completely delusional, ridiculous, and just plain weird."

"Yeah? Well, what are you?"

She chuckled. "I am eager to get these damn groceries home so I can take bed and I suck you off. I told you I wanted a taste."

"Could we do a 69?" he asked eagerly. "You know it's my favorite number."

She sighed out a breath and chortled. "Fine. Whatever you want, baby."

They rode in silence for a few moments when he cautiously broached a topic they seriously needed to discuss. "So, uh...the honeymoon..."

"Yes?"

"I think I've got it figured out."

She glanced over at him and he caught her wary look in the headlights of a car passing them heading the opposite direction. "Is that so?"

He nodded. He'd thought long and hard about this and he felt like this was a great solution. "Yeah. So...I wanna take you to the beach. See your sexy ass in a string bikini..."

"I'm not wearing a string bikini."

"See your sexy ass in a one-piece," he amended, earning a giggle from her. He smiled and plowed on; "And you don't want to leave the kids for long."

"It's just a lot, you know?"

He nodded. "So...what if we took a family vacation to the beach? Go to that beach in South Carolina you like."

"A...family vacation?"

"Yeah. I mean, why not?"

"Dean, we can't afford for everyone to fly there. And, besides, you're terrified of flying."

"So? We can drive...not like we don't drive everywhere anyway."

"Dean, that's like, a full day. Almost twenty four hours of driving with a baby and a toddler and two surly teenagers."

"So? We can do this. Plus, I mean, I'd like for Sam..."

She smiled. "Sam is family. Of course he will go with us. But we don't have enough room. The expedition isn't big enough, and I know the Impala isn't going to the beach..."

"My baby isn't getting covered in salt, that's for damn sure," he muttered. Lisa had talked him into taking the car to the beach once, for a vacation to Virginia when he was living with them, but he hadn't been thrilled with the car wash he'd had to give the old girl when he got her back home.

"So...well..." she chewed her lip in thought. "Well, I guess, if we took the seats out of Tory's van, she could haul all the stuff, then the rest of us could ride in the expedition..."

"Tory?"

"Well, I'd like for Tory and Andy to come, I mean, if that would be okay. Plus, we'd have Ben..."

"Ben's coming?"

"Of course. We can't ship him back home right after the wedding! This is a family vacation. He's family. I haven't booked his ticket yet because I didn't know what we were doing for the honeymoon." Ben had been pretty excited when Dean had called and asked him to come to the wedding. Of course, he'd tried not to show it, but Dean knew the kid pretty damned well.

Dean blinked. "Just when I think I can't love you any freaking more, you surprise me."

She smiled. "You know...if we're going to do a caravan, we could potentially let Kris drive the jeep. You know she's a safe driver. And this would be a good precursor to see how her and Hope would handle being out on the road."

"You'd do that?"

Ryan nodded. "And Ben could either ride with us or with the girls. I think he'd rather ride with Hope even though he doesn't know her. But either way is fine. And we can all switch off and ride with different people, too."

"So...how many people is that going?"

Ryan tallied the number in her head and let out a long whistle. "Ten people."

"Well, that works out great. Six in the expedition, including the two boys, two in the van, two in the jeep. Or, we can adjust the numbers accordingly. I like it. What do you say, Ryan? Let's do this. Please?"

"You won't like the beach, Dean," she reminded him. "It's hot and sandy and there will be a ton of people and it's a holiday and..."

"And you'll love it," he countered. "I know you love the beach and you're chomping at the bit to go back. We can take the kids to the ocean and to some shows and to a water park or something...come on."

"I'm worried you will be miserable, Dee. That's so not your scene..."

"Sam and I have never had a real vacation, Ryan. I mean, the guy wanted to go on one so bad, his mind made up a damn trip of us going to the Grand Canyon while he was doing the hell trials, complete with made up memories of me riding a farty donkey. Our vacations usually consist of three days in Vegas drinking our limit, gambling away everything we have and..." he clammed up.

"And what? Go on. Finish it, sugar."

"And lots of prostitutes, okay?"

She nodded. "Dean, none of that surprises me, though it's sad as hell, gotta be honest."

"So, see? We need a vacation. A real one."

"Monsters don't take vacations."

"No, they don't. But we've got other hunters that will handle it, remember?"

She sucked in a breath before a slow smile spread across her face. "You know what? Let's do it. Let's go on vacation."

"Really?"

She nodded. "I guess I'll start researching condominiums. How many rooms will we even need?"

"I don't care as long as we get one to ourselves."

She chuckled. "Maybe we need a house instead."

"It doesn't matter. We can figure out the logistics. I just want to have this vacation. I think it'll be good for all of us."

She smiled and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "Me too, babe. Me too."


	45. Feels Like The First Time

**Author's note: So...I've got serious computer fail. I lost two HUGE original fiction stories. I've got two kids sick. Hubby is out of town. And a SLEW of other shit I won't even bother with. I'm SO sorry this is so late. I do have the next chapter written and hopefully I can do a better job of posting. I still have SO much story to go! Thank you all for sticking with me!**

* * *

**June Sixth**

**Dean POV **

"I'm nervous. Why am I nervous?!" he whisper-yelled to Ryan who was sitting next to him.

"Shhh, you'll be fine, they'll be fine. It will all be fine," she replied sagely. "I'm more worried about the monsters at home, to be honest."

"Tory and Andy can handle them. But this..."

"Would you chill, man? Kid's my niece. And I'm an excellent actor."

"Bullshit, Padaleski," Dean growled his brother's direction.

"It was Padalecki, and I didn't suck as bad as you. I actually had acted before."

"In like, one play in middle school. Douche."

"Would you two shut up?" Ryan hissed. "If you get us kicked out of the school before we can see our girls in their play, so help me..."

Dean sat a little straighter. He honestly didn't want to know what Ryan would come up with, but he envisioned something bad. He shared a look with Sam, who smiled. Just then, the lights went down, just a little bit, and the Theater teacher stepped up onto the stage. "Welcome, welcome, to Lebanon High's production of Spring Awakening."

Dean and Sam both let out wolf whistles as the music began. Dean hated to admit it, but he got swept up in the songs. The play had been supposed to be performed a month ago, but the director had fallen and broken...something, Dean couldn't remember what, and they'd held it for him since it was his retiring year. Apparently his health had gone down considerably. Dean was about ninety percent certain Hope had given the guy a little bit of healing because he looked pretty damned spry sitting in his wheelchair in the wings, but Dean wouldn't complain.

When the play was over, and they'd taken their last bows, Dean picked up the two bouquets of flowers and waited for the girls along with Sam and Ryan. Krissy was almost a violent shade of red, she was blushing so hard, but Hope was all smiles as she accepted the roses and stuck her noses in them. "Thank you. That was so much fun!"

"Speak for yourself. Okay, we did something human you wanted to do now. So, does that mean I chose our activities next year?" Krissy commented.

Hope grinned. "We'll see."

Ryan hugged both the girls. "I'm so proud of you both! You did such a great job and you didn't forget your lines and..."

"Mom," Hope whispered softly. "Please don't embarrass us."

Ryan's eyebrow popped. "Oh, honey, you ain't seen embarrassment..."

"No! Mom! I'm sorry, okay!" Hope began.

Ryan smirked and winked. "Gotcha."

Hope started murmuring under her breath and Dean didn't catch all of it, but he was fairly certain his daughter made a comment about how it was only fitting Lucifer would want Ryan as his meatsuit, because she was evil. He let her grouse only because A) Ryan didn't hear it, and B) he felt sure Hope was joking. Mostly. She had his sense of humor. What could he say?

"So...burgers, shakes, and a ton of french fries at the diner? Or are we going for a steak?"

The two girls exchanged a look. "Steak," they stated with a giggle.

Dean smiled. "Sounds good. Let's go."

* * *

**June Twelfth **

The following week, Tory approached him, somewhat timidly, in the Bunker. "Dean?"

He glanced up. He had thought he'd found a tulpa case, but there wasn't enough evidence yet. He supposed he could send Rudy out on it. He and Ryan both wanted to avoid a hunt (and its potential injuries) until after the wedding, which was fast approaching. "Yeah?"

She licked her lips nervously and swallowed. Ever since their argument in the bunker's garage, Tory had been really standoffish toward him. He understood why; hell, he'd almost scared himself, so he felt sure he'd terrified the woman. Andy...well, Andy he didn't know what to do with. She wasn't a bit scared of him, matter of fact, she almost...liked him. And he liked her. Not in any way other than platonic, but there you had it. She cleared her throat. "Me and Andy want to take Ryan out for a bachelorette party."

Dean nodded. "Sounds like a fun time. You want me to get you guys a cab, or...?"

She blinked. "You told me to ask you before I took her anywhere. So. I'm asking."

He sighed. "Allard, look, I...I was a dick, okay? I freaked out and took it out on you. It's not fair, but there you have it. So, I acted like a dickweed and I'm sorry. I don't regret saying all that shit, because you were all in way over your heads. I just regret how it all got blown out of proportion."

Her eyes narrowed in thought minutely. "So...?"

"So go and have fun."

"That's it?"

He nodded. "That's it. I don't want you three drinking and not having a DD though."

"Oh, we won't. I just...wow. Okay. Thanks, Dean."

He chortled as he watched her walk out of the room. She was a strange person sometimes. He saw Sam walk in and he flipped his laptop around. "I don't think it's a tulpa."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know, but it's not a tulpa," he said, putting on the Arnold Schwarzenegger accent.

Sam rolled his eyes. "I'll get someone on it." He paused a beat. "So, we going out with the girls tomorrow night?"

"Huh?"

"The bachelorette party."

"Dude, that's for chicks. Last time I checked, though you act like one, you're not a girl."

Sam shot him a bitchface. "I know that, dick, but Andy said she figured we should all go out. She's sweet talked the girls into watching the boys so we can go, too. You do want to go out with them, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, but Tory just finished asking me if she could take Ryan..."

Sam shrugged. "So? You wanna go with? Make it a party?"

"I don't know. Shouldn't I like, give this one to Ryan or some shit?"

Sam smiled. "Dude. Ryan would be attached to your hip if you let her. She'd love for you to go with. I know she would."

Dean shrugged. "Well, hell, I'm not above going out and getting my drink on, you know that. And I'd feel better if I was the one driving them. So...why not?"

* * *

The next night, Dean was sitting on the floor, playing with Bobby when he heard Ryan's footsteps on the stairs. He glanced up and let out a whistle. She was dressed to the nines in a pair of nice blue jeans, high-heeled sandals, and a greenish/blueish tank top that had designs on it. For some reason, it made him think of an aquarium. Not in a bad way. It fit her in all the right places, showing off her glorious chest in a low cut V. "Damn, baby, looking good."

She smiled. She had on whole row of bracelets on one arm and her hair was down and wavy and just gorgeous. "Thanks." She turned to Kris and Hope, who were playing a card game on the coffee table. "Okay, you two. Thank you so much for doing this. It seems like we've been pawning the monsters on you too much lately."

"We're glad to do it, Ryan," Krissy stated.

"Yeah, we're just glad to be out of school for summer," Hope added.

Ryan smiled and glanced at Dean, who nodded. "Hope, your dad and I have talked, and after the wedding, and vacation, we're going to allow you to hunt over the summer."

"You are?!"

Ryan nodded. "With a few amendments." She looked at Dean again, who took the lead in the conversation.

He cleared his throat. "Hope, we know hunting is a big part of our lives, of your life, and we respect that. You're a hunter, just like your mom, just like me. You're also an angel, which means you don't adhere to the norm. However, the fact remains, you're in a child's vessel. It's still growing and so are you. You don't have all your grace back, which means, you aren't a true angel yet. So that means no hot dogging it, no showboating, and no putting yourself in harms way if you can help it."

She nodded solemnly.

"I'm taking you out on a hunt when we get back. I don't know, it's up to you if you want it to be me and Sam, or me and your mom. Or maybe you just want you, your mom, and Kris to go. Either way is fine. But you will listen to the lead hunter, and you will do what we tell you. If we say run, you run. If we say hide..."

"I hide. I got it. Like Harry and Dumbledore when they went to retrieve the locket."

Dean nodded. "Exactly." He smiled. "Does that make me Dumbledore? Awesome."

He heard Ryan chuckle and he glanced at Hope again. "It scared us, kid, to think you could have gone off by yourself and hunt. If Sam and I have learned anything, it's that working as a team gets the job done best. It's safest, when you have someone else there to help you. Remember that."

Hope smiled and glanced at Krissy. "I've got my partner."

Dean nodded. "Then, when me and your mom, and Uncle Sam give you the stamp of approval, we'll get you inked and make it official."

The girl blinked. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

She jumped from the couch to throw herself into his arms. "Thank you, Daddy. You won't regret it, I swear!" She ran to hug Ryan, who held her tightly for a moment.

"We love you, Hope. We just want you safe, okay?"

The girl pulled away just enough to look up at Ryan. She didn't have far to look, not anymore. "I understand. Thank you, Mom, for believing in me."

Ryan kissed the girl's hair and smiled. "Okay, but first, you've got a job that is harder than hunting, worse than ganking a werewolf, harder than taking on a nest of vamp, and more disgusting than falling into a pile of a shapeshifter's shed skin."

Hope's eyes grew wide. "What?"

Ryan glanced around at the mess in the room from Bobby and Jon. "Babysitting."

"Oh! The horror!" Hope exclaimed.

Ryan giggled. "I know, right? You handle these two, I'm pretty sure you could take on the world of evil, kid."

Just then, the doorbell rang. "I got it!" Sam called from behind Ryan as he walked to the door. Dean stood and brushed a kiss to Bobby's head, then Jon's. Jon was walking along the furniture now, but he wasn't walking unassisted yet. It would come, though, and soon, it seemed. Ryan commented all the kids had been quite advanced, and Dean wondered if it was the demon in the boy making him do stuff early. Only time would tell with that, he supposed.

"Who's ready to party?!" Tory called as she walked in.

"Tor. Really?" Andy groused as she walked in as well. "The girl is so excited, I think she's about to pee her pants."

"Oh! That reminds me...need to pee," she murmured before she wandered down the hall to the half bath.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Think we can get you drunk tonight, Blackwell?" he asked.

Andy narrowed her eyes at him. "Think you could even get drunk, Winchester?"

"I don't know. Probably. Maybe. If I had something really good and strong. But I'm driving tonight."

"Not first, you're not," Ryan murmured as she held up her keys. "My night. My rules. I'll let you drive once I start drinking. But for now, I'm in charge."

His eyebrow shot up. "Damn, baby, I like it when you get bossy."

Ryan reached up and tugged on his lip with her teeth before she kissed him delicately. "Save that for later, tiger."

"Rawr," he replied, earning a chuckle from Andy.

"Okay! Let's go!" Tory shouted as she came bounding back down the hall and out the door.

"I call shotgun!" Andy shouted as she followed her.

"Hey!" Dean cried indignantly as he trailed along behind them.

"You can sit in the back with me, Deano," Tory stated as she climbed into the very back seat of the Expedition. "Damn, guys! I like this ride! I don't think I've ridden back here before. Cool. I could do some good sleeping. Wake me up when we get there."

Dean exchanged a glance with Sam, who shrugged and climbed into the middle back seat.

Dean looked at Ryan. "You seriously gonna make me sit in the back?"

Ryan smiled and patted his cheek. "Shotgun was already called, sugar. Sorry. I don't make the rules."

"Man..."

He climbed into the back and watched as Ryan hooked her iPod up to the car's stereo. She handed it to Andy like it was made of glass. "Okay, Blackwell, I'm entrusting you with this. You abuse the power, the power gets taken away by the driver. Understand?"

Andy nodded solemnly. "As long as you don't have any shit on this thing, we should be listening to some decent music."

"I'm offended. I do not listen to shit, Andrea."

Andy just shot her a look.

Ryan grimaced. "Okay. I rarely listen to shit."

"Much better." Dean watched the girl deftly flipping through before she smirked. "It's on now." Some weird music started and Dean recognized it, it was "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry. Ryan had listened to it more than once. He liked to hear Ryan sing it because it was sexy as hell, even if it wasn't his jam. The girls were singing at the top of their lungs and the music was cranked. He was going to need something for a headache before the night was over.

Sam just shot him a look that seemed to say, "See what you do to me when we're in the car?"

Dean shouldn't have been surprised when Tory belted out the whole rap in perfect timing. When Ryan sang the chorus, their eyes met in the rearview mirror and he had to readjust things down south at the eye fucking she was giving him.

From there, Andy changed the song to a Maroon 5 song which wasn't the worst thing he'd ever heard. Ryan listened to them when she worked out and it took nothing for him to imagine her in those little shorts and sport bra she wore. They hadn't had a lot of time to workout together lately. He needed to get her ass back on the mat. He'd made the mistake of watching her and Andy spar two days ago. He couldn't say he wasn't unaffected. He'd heard Sam groan and mutter something about needing a cold shower. He hadn't been the only one to need one.

Next, the Bitch song came on. Honestly, Ryan had the oddest relationship with that song. She loved it. Said it described her to a T and she wasn't offended with being called a bitch, which was a first for him. She said she owned that part of her just as much as she owned the rest of it. His chick was cool and as bad ass as they came.

A song came on next and Ryan snatched the iPod away from Andy. "That's not mine!" She glared into the rearview mirror at his brother. "Damn you, Samuel Winchester! You know I fucking HATE Beiber!"

Sam _giggled, _that was the only word Dean had for it. "What's the matter, Ryan?"

"Asshole," she growled. "Seriously? Fucking with my iPod? Not cool, dude. I ought to make you listen to the damn song on principle."

"Man, I wanted it to come on while you were working out. Talk about screwing up your game."

She turned the song on to Dean's song for her and Tory let out a loud, "Oh hell no! No lovesick crap!"

"Gavin DeGraw isn't lovesick crap!" Ryan shot back.

"Give the damn iPod back to Andy for the love of Christmas!"

"Driver picks music, shotgun got a chance, but way-back seat doesn't even get a consideration."

"Fuck you, Ryan! And the damn horse you rode in on."

Ryan smirked and glanced at Dean in the mirror. "I rode in on a motherfucking _stallion, _thank you very much." She paused a beat, then added, "And he's sitting right back there."

Dean cleared his throat. "Over share, babe."

"What? I can't help it if it happens to be true."

Dean faked embarrassment. "Yeah, it is."

Sam let out a cough that sounded a lot like, "Bullshit!"

Andy turned in her seat to look at Sam. "So...are the books true?"

"The Supernatural books? For the most part. Why?"

Andy sent him an eyebrow waggle. "Because they say you're hung like a stallion, yourself. Wanna let me see?"

Dean guffawed. "Wow. Talk about pressure. That's quite a rep to live up to, Sammy. Hope you don't disappoint."

Sam blushed. "Sorry about my brother. He's, uh, he's a firm believer in overcompensating."

"Hey! Douche!" Dean shot at him.

"Well," Andy stated flatly, "I'm not doubting that. Although, judging by the size of the gun he carries and that car he drives, I wouldn't say he was a FIRM believer..."

Dean's mouth fell open and Sam let out a belly laugh. "Damn! That was a good one."

Ryan just rolled her eyes. "Are we going to break out rulers next? Seriously?"

"Like you'd know a big one if you saw it," Tory muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "At least I'm not the town bicycle in the hunting community. I'm pretty damn sure the Winchesters' are about the only two cocks you haven't seen!"

"Look, that thing with Bobby just happened, alright?! We were in a foxhole situation and he's one sexy gray fox!"

The whole car went silent for a beat.

Dean half turned to look at Tory behind him. "Hell...I don't know if I should be mortified, or impressed."

Tory glared at him. "If you two idiots learned anything about sex from Bobby Singer, you should know the answer to that question." She had a point there. Bobby...well, he had filled in the rest of Dean's sex ed. John had told him about putting tab A into slot B, but Bobby, well, in that gruff, no nonsense attitude, had informed Dean about how it wasn't just about him, how he needed to make sure the lady was happy at all times, how much better it would be once she was satisfied. He'd been right. About so damn many things, actually. Made him miss the older hunter even more.

"Can we not?" Ryan began, interrupting his train of thought.

"Oh _hell _no," Dean all but shouted. "Spill, Allard. You don't lay out a gem like that and just leave it!"

"A story about grandpa sex? No thanks," Andy put in.

"A lady never kisses and tells," Tory told them in a smarmy tone.

"And since when have youever been a lady?!" Andy wanted to know.

Tory's eyes narrowed. "Don't start this fight, Andrea Blackwell. You. Will. Not. Win. I've got dirt on you, you know."

Andy paled and turned back around, to stare straight out of the windshield.

Ryan growled, "Guys...for the love of God, stop talking."

"Oh great. Here we go," Tory stated. "Saint Ryan wants to chime in now."

Andy muttered under her breath, "Here we go," as Ryan roared, "What's THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, Tor?"

"You've been with ONE GUY, Ryan! You have no voice in any of this. Hell, I had more sexual experience before I got out of high school than your whole life! I bet even Sam can say that!"

"Hey! Don't bring me into your cat fight," Sam told them. "I haven't even spoken for like, the past twenty minutes!"

Dean glanced at Ryan, who looked like she'd been slapped. Dean was about to step up when she shot back, "You know, I'm surprised at you. You claim to be so open and understanding, and yet you can't accept the fact I only _want _to have sex with one man. It's my choice, Tor, just like it's yours to do...whatever the hell it is you do. I'm not a fucking saint. God only knows how much I've screwed up. So just...just don't go there, okay?"

Both women were quiet a moment as Ryan continued to drive. Andy snagged the iPod and changed the song, but then the next thing Dean knew, Tory's ass was in his face as she had climbed over the seat to hug Ryan from behind. "I'm sorry, chica! I didn't mean it. You can be into bestiality and I'd still love you!"

Dean could _her _the expression on Ryan's face as she said, "Uh, no. No thanks. And get your ass back in that seat and buckle it in. I'm not going to have one of my besties killed because she didn't wear her damn seat belt!"

Tory chuckled, but instead of climbing in the back once more, she sat between Sam and Dean. "Huh. Look at that. I'm the rose between two thorns." She glanced at one brother and then the other. "You know...I read a reader insert once about being in the middle of a Winchester sandwich. You two ever do that?"

"NO!" they both shouted.

"Testy...I was just asking."

Dean saw Ryan shake her head. "We're here..." They had pulled up to Brother's.

"We aren't going out of town?" Dean asked.

"Why? The booze is good, and reasonable. The service is excellent. And it's got everything we need. Why would we go out of town?"

Dean didn't have a comeback for that. They all piled out of the vehicle and Dean snagged Ryan's keys. She glared at him but there was no heat of anger as she stated, "You know, I do know how not to drive when I'm drunk, babe."

He nodded. "I know. I'm just...protecting my interests."

She smiled at that and for a moment, it was just the two of them standing on that sidewalk. "Gabriel used to tell me the same thing."

"How many times did he heal you from a hunt?"

"More often than I'd like to admit," she told him truthfully.

"I've been meaning to ask..."

"Yes?"

"It's kind of personal..."

She rolled her eyes and her smile grew. "No, he didn't watch as I showered."

"Good. Because that would be weird. You're his mom and he knew it. But, no, I was going to ask...not that I care, but, well, every time Cas heals me, he removes everything, all my scars, just, like, head to toe, healing. And I just..." he touched her forearms lightly, feeling the ropes of scars running down both of them. "I guess I just wondered why he never healed these, or the one on your back."

She thought about that a moment. "Well, the ones down my arms, I never wanted healed. That was...that was part of me, Dean. Everything that happened, it was a part of me. So, I didn't want that healed. And the scar on my back...we knew if I saw Sam again, he'd need to realize what he did. He was soulless, yes, but he knew what he was doing. He wasn't possessed. He wanted to use me to hurt that monster. And that's okay. It doesn't matter now. I'm not still hurt or angry, but fact is fact."

"I almost lost you and I didn't even realize..."

"Gabriel would never have let me die, Dean."

"Still..."

They were both quiet a moment. "I, uh, I noticed he healed the scars on your legs, your self-harm scars."

"I always wondered if you'd noticed them. You didn't comment."

He shrugged. "You were in a bad place. You handled it the only way you thought you could. I just...I don't know how you ever stopped."

She shrugged. "I don't know, either. But I found the strength."

"I'm glad you did. I'm so glad you're here, standing before me, Ryan. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I'm glad we're together now."

She smiled and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. "I'm glad we're together now, too. I love you, baby," she purred as her lips pressed to his.

His arms went around her waist and he was about to get even more into the kiss when he heard, "Damn it, you two! Don't go getting a room yet! We gotta get our drink on!"

Dean pulled away and leaned his forehead on hers. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. "Seriously? I can't kill her?"

Ryan giggled. "You love Tory. Admit it." She pulled away and started walking toward their group.

"Love is a strong word, Ryan. How about we try on 'tolerate' for size?"

She just laughed and walked in the door Sam was holding open. Sam nudged him as his head inclined toward the sign on the sidewalk.

"Cool. Draft beer's on sale."

"No, under that."

Dean read the sign and smiled. "Karaoke? Wonder how drunk we have to get them to sing?"

"What about you with your new pretty pipes?" Sam teased.

"First off, that was Hope's doing, not mine. And second, I'd have to be a damn demon to get up there and sing karaoke."

Sam snorted. "Well, then, at least we're spared that."

Dean just shook his head. "Go get us some brews. I'll find us a table."

He glanced around and found the three women in a conversation with the bar owner, Gina. Ryan really liked the woman. And he had to admit, she was hella cool. They'd come in once or twice since Ryan's birthday. He'd brought Sam in and they'd had a beer.

She was around his age, but she seemed so...maternal. She was on the up-and-up with the hunting, too. She and her husband didn't hunt, but her sister was a nurse who patched up hunters in the apartment above the bar. The two of them kept their heads down. Their father had been a hunter, apparently, and had taught his girls well. Dean didn't know if they actually hunted before they both got married and had kids, but staying on the fringes, it was a good way to stay safe. Keep your head down and your ears open, she said that had been their motto for years.

He snagged them a circular booth then glanced at the girls again. He saw Ryan clapping her hands excitedly and the three women all walked back over to him, each with some sort of colorful drink. "Look! Jim's learning some new drinks, so we get free samples!" Ryan gushed. "Wanna try some?"

"No thanks. I don't do weird colored drinks."

"Now that's a lie, and you know it," Sam said as he returned with their two beers. "I seem to remember you enjoying a purple nurple back in the day."

"Ha, ha, ha, fuck you," Dean stated sarcastically as he grabbed his beer from Sam's hand.

He glanced at the girls who were whispering to themselves. "So, what's the play? We gonna eat or just drink?"

"Both," they replied in unison.

"Uh...okay..."

"Oh, we already ordered. G's got her oldest cooking in the kitchen."

"He's not old enough, is he?"

Ryan rolled her eyes and ignored him as she chatted with the other two. Dean glanced at Sam. "You get the feeling we're not wanted, bro?"

Sam chuckled and sipped his beer.

"Okay. We're going to dance. Karaoke starts in an hour," Andy informed them as she grabbed Ryan and Tory's hands.

Apparently Brothers had hired a DJ for the night. He was set up in the corner of the little stage area in front of the area they'd converted to a dance floor, where the women were currently headed as the music blared. Dean's mouth went dry as he saw them dancing together. "Sam," he croaked.

Sam, who had been checking his phone, glanced up and his eyes almost popped out of his head. "Holy fuck," he managed.

Dean swallowed and nodded. The three of them were slithering around with each other, drinks still in hand. Dean crossed himself catholic style, because surely this image was a gift straight from God. And the song? He had become a fan of this band called My Darkest Days because Ryan liked them. They reminded him of Bad Company, who was one of his favorites. But this song, "Porn Star Dancing" well, it was hot and got him hot. And got Ryan hot, too.

"You know, you two could put your tongues back in your mouths," Gina commented as she appeared with three glasses of water.

Dean blinked and looked up at her. He smirked. She still had that sexy blue streak in her hair and it made him wonder if he could talk Ryan into getting one. Would blue be the color to go in Ryan's hair? Purple would probably look hot, too. "Hey, G. How's it going?"

"We're packed, so it's going good."

"A DJ? Karaoke? This place isn't a roadhouse, that's for damn sure."

Gina chuckled. "No, it's not. Gotta keep it somewhat respectable. Hunters leave shitty tips." She eyed him warily. "You two make sure those girls keep drinking water, okay? I don't need them drunk off their asses. You hear me?"

Dean nodded. "Yes ma'am."

Her eyes narrowed. "Getting fresh with me won't win you any brownie points," she told him before she flounced off.

Sam's eyebrow rose. "Damn. She schooled you."

Dean chuckled. "I just hope she doesn't spit in my next beer."

The girls came back then with empty glasses and panting. They all three eagerly downed their glasses of water and Tory wandered off to get them some more booze.

"Those were some damn fine dance moves out there, ladies," Dean told them.

Andy shot him a glare, but Ryan smiled and leaned over to peck his cheek. "Just for you, sugar."

"You're too kind, babe. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one that saw."

She shrugged. "So? You think the three of us can't handle any little pervs that come our way?"

"Oh, I'd bet on it. Matter of fact, I'd enjoy watching you three beat up some poor bastard that thinks he stands a chance at touching you."

"Smart man," Andy answered. "Glad to see you're not as stupid as you look."

Dean sneered at her and stuck out his tongue childishly.

"Oh! Guys! I put in a request," Tory exclaimed as she came back with another drink.

"Bitch, where's mine?!" Andy growled.

"It's coming. I could only carry mine."

"Bullshit. I've seen you waitress."

Tory shrugged and sipped her drink, a green one this time. "I didn't wanna. Oh, this is green apple. Yum."

"Yuck," Ryan stated. "You know I'm still pissed they changed the Skittles flavor from lime to green apple."

"I know, right? Like, what the fuck? Don't go changing shit!" Andy agreed. "You didn't get me one of those, did you?"

Tory just looked at her in boredom. "Please. I know you two. I got Ryan something pineapple flavored, because now that she's not knocked up, she's back on pineapple, and I got you this new one...it's liquorice flavored."

"Gag," Ryan commented, but Andy clapped her hands.

"Yes! You know I love liquorice!"

Dean smiled. "You like liquorice?"

Andy nodded. "It's my favorite."

"Ha. Awesome. Up top," he said as he held out a hand for a high-five. "I'm the only one that likes it."

"Me too!"

Ryan rolled her eyes as Gina appeared with their drinks as well as two more beers for the boys. "Ya'll weird."

"Thank you," Dean and Andy responded in unison.

Gina smiled. "Your food should be out in about five or ten minutes."

"Thanks, G!" Ryan enthused. "And give my love to Jim. These drinks are awesome."

"I will. We went on a cruise for our anniversary. He came back with the recipes of a lot of the drinks they serve on ship. Of course, he's tweaked them. The things that man can do with alcohol..."

"I hope, when I get married, it's to someone who can make a drink worth a damn," Tory commented.

_I doubt Cas would even know how to mix a drink. Doesn't stop you from tying the knot with him, _Dean thought, and then he blinked. _They get married? What? _He hadn't been there, but he remembered someone mentioning they were married, not just together. That was food for thought for another day.

"Come on, Ryan! This song's about to go off and the next one, well, just, come on..." Andy urged.

Ryan took another sip of her drink and stood. She moved one step toward the dance floor when Andy shook her head. "Nope. This is for Dean."

"Huh?"

"Move your ass, Winchester."

"Look, sweetheart, I don't dance," he told her.

Andy's eyes narrowed and she put her hand on her hip. "You do now. Now move your ass."

He glanced at Ryan, who shrugged. "Fine, damn it. Sam, move your big ass outta my way." Sam stood so Dean could get out of the booth, chuckling all the while. "Keep it up, chuckles. I'll make sure they get you out there, too."

Sure enough, the song went off and Dean shook his head as the new one started. "Really?"

Ryan giggled as she took his hand. "Come on. 'Bad Girlfriend' is an awesome song."

"Not saying it isn't," he muttered as she led him to the dance floor. He didn't dance for shit, but luckily, all you had to do was move a little and the beat kind of took care of everything else. And honestly? He didn't give a fuck if people were laughing at him. Ryan had this big smile on her face and she was singing along with the song and in that moment, he couldn't have been happier.

So he danced. He sang along with her and the song. He readjusted himself as she started giving these sexy assed shimmies and he glared at a few guys who were eyeing her.

By the time the song was over, she was giggling and all over him as he led her back to the table where the three sitting there were whooping and hollering. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he muttered as he sat and downed the rest of his beer.

"Damn, Dean, I didn't know you could move like that!"

He glared at Andy. "Is that a joke?"

"No! Seriously. You and Ryan..."

"You're fuckhawt," Tory managed as she polished off her drink. "I might have to use you two for my finger vault."

"Ewwww!" Ryan muttered as she threw an ice cube at Tory. "It's one thing to do it, another thing to tell it! I don't need to know I'm in your rub club! TMI, bitch!"

"Hey, you're the bitch guaranteed to be getting some, bitch! So let me have my damn fantasies!"

Ryan rolled her eyes as Gina came back with the food. "All I'm saying is, if I'm in your flick file or rub reel, I really don't want to know about it."

"Well, I want to know!" Andy told her.

Ryan shot her a glare. "But you two already did it. Isn't that, like, a guarantee?"

"That doesn't count. Andy didn't know what the hell she was doing. Besides, it was more one-way if you feel me."

"I felt you. Just didn't wanna," Andy shot back.

Gina blinked. "I, uh, wow. I so walked up at the wrong time. Yeah, uh, let me know if you need anything." She handed out the food and left.

The three women looked at one another and giggled.

A glance at Sam showed him fascinated. "So, wait...I gotta ask. Did you really...?"

"It was more of a dual masturbation, actually," Andy told him flatly as she snagged a fry. "Because, sorry, not into chicks. But at least I can say I've experimented. And I'm not bi. Nope. Just cocks for this hen."

Ryan chortled and ate one of Dean's chili cheese fries. "I don't know...as someone who viewed said experiment, albeit grudgingly, the two of you looked pretty good together."

"How in the hell did you watch that and not get affected?!" Dean wanted to know.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just...didn't. Just like with porn. It doesn't do much for me. I mean, I don't...before, if I needed to, you know, I did. I didn't need anything other than the image of you to do it for me."

Well, now he felt like a douche. The hours he'd spent on porn, when all Ryan needed was to imagine him?

He felt her hand on his arm. "Hey, it's okay," she murmured softly. "I told you, I'm weird about sex, okay? I mean, I just need you. That's all."

"What if...what if I die, Ryan? I mean, where I can't come back? What then?"

She shrugged. "I made it for years without you, Dean. I can handle it."

"You gotta swear you'll at least give it a try."

"You're serious?"

"Yeah. I mean, if I die, and Cas can't bring me back, I want you to at least attempt to be with another guy."

"Why?"

"Because...I want you to be happy."

"I'd never be happy without you, Dee."

"Stop. I'm serious."

"Like you would be happy if I went first?"

"Not the point. This ain't about me. It's about you."

She looked into his eyes a moment before she blew out a breath through her nose. "I'll consider it. No promises."

"Okay. That's...I can handle that."

"Although, gotta admit, it's an odd request, Dee."

He shrugged. "I'm odd. Sue me."

She smiled and placed a feather-light kiss on his cheek. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too. Now, let's tuck in to these awesome damn cheeseburgers."

As they ate, the DJ announced karaoke was starting. And by the time they finished eating, it was Ryan's turn. She sang a song for him and he would admit, only to himself, he almost melted. He loved that girl more than life itself.

Once karaoke concluded, the music started and Dean realized it was nineties music. Not his favorite. At all. He was about to say something when Ryan started moving slightly in her seat. "You know this song?" He didn't know why he was surprised. While he knew every damn song from the nineteen seventies and first half of the eighties, Ryan knew _all _the songs. Ever.

She nodded. "This one was kind of big around the time all my addictions came to a head, you know? Like, I remember being so out of it and hearing this song on the radio..."

"Did you go out and do that? Or did you do it right under your dad's nose?"

"My daddy worked third shift around that time. So as soon as he left for work, I'd get stoned, stay up all night, half terrified something would come in and get me, and then I'd pass out as soon as the sun came up," she told him matter-of-factly.

It always hit him hard when she talked about being a teenager. He listened to the words of the song for a minute;

_**I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet, chalk white and oh so frail**_

_**I see our time has gotten stale**_

_**The tick tock of the clock is painful**_

_**All sane and logical, I want to tear it off the wall**_

_**I here words and clips and phrases**_

_**I think sick like ginger ale**_

_**My stomach turns and I exhale**_

Yeah, he could see how that one might remind her of drugs and that time of her life. He was about to say something when Tory stood. "I gotta pee. Who's coming with?"

"Me," the other two women chimed. Dean watched them disappear down the back hall and he shook his head.

"What?" Sam asked him.

"Were you..." he shook his head again. "Nothing."

"What, man?"

"I just...you and Ryan are a lot alike, right?"

Sam thought a moment and nodded. "Yeah. I guess so. Why?"

"Were you ever as miserable as she was with your life?"

"Whoa. It got heavy," Sam commented.

"Never mind. I just..." He shook his head once more. "Forget it."

"No, Dean, talk to me."

"I just...if I wasn't there for you, and you were as wrecked as a teen as she was...dude, I just..." He shrugged.

"Okay, first off, Ryan went through a lot of shit long before high school and it fucked her up. She admits that. And it changed her. Forever. You can't compare her and me on that, man. I didn't go through that. I didn't suffer. I felt like an outsider to your and Dad's club because I didn't enjoy the hunting. It took me a long time to realize that was okay, that I didn't have to like it. And it took me even longer to realize, you didn't like it either. Not in the beginning. And I...I feel like shit for leaving you with him."

"It was better, almost, without you there," Dean admitted. At Sam's shocked expression, Dean quickly added, "Not that I wanted you gone! Hell, Sam, if I could go back and have you there, I'd do it in a damn heartbeat. But with you gone, me and him got along better. We weren't close, I mean, we didn't sit around singing Kumbaya and shit, but it was smoother between us without you there. I felt the need to protect you, even from him, _especially _from him, and that put a wedge between me and Dad. With it being just us, it was...easier. We were hunters, partners. That was it. I called him Dad, but that was where the paternal relationship ended. I know, deep down, he loved me, accepted me as a son, but on the outside, we were partners."

"Like you and I were, after Gadreel. During the Mark..."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Pretty much. Looking back now, I realize how much like him you really are. I always thought it was me. But it was you. I could never keep my emotions out of it, especially when it came to you. But you did."

"I was wrong."

"Yeah? Well, we've both screwed up, Sam. It's just a way of life. We grow and learn from it and shit."

Sam chortled under his breath. "Always gotta ruin the moment, don't ya?"

Dean nodded. "Saves me from it getting too deep," he admitted with a half smile.

"I'm glad we're closer now."

"That's Ryan's doing," Dean told him.

Sam looked up and Dean followed his gaze to the three women approaching. "Yeah, it is. It's all Ryan's doing. Thank God for that."

"Thank God for _her_." Dean agreed.

The girls came up to the table, and to Dean's surprise, Ryan grabbed Sam's hand. "Come on, Sammy. Dance with me."

"You're kidding."

She gave him a pout. "I know you, Sambo. This is your jam. As a matter of fact, I requested a song for us."

"You did?"

She winked and the music started. Dean knew it, only because it had been on the damn radio all the time anytime he went into a convenience store when it first came out. No Doubt singing "Hey Baby."

Dean smirked and toasted their direction with his beer. "Have fun."

Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother, but he smiled down at Ryan.

Dean chuckled and downed his beer as he felt a presence at his side. "They're good together," Andy commented softly.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. They work well together. They're a lot alike."

"Like you and me?"

"We're like oil and water," he told her.

She smirked at that. "Yeah, we are. Oh, can we be oil and vinegar? Because that's kick ass on a sub sandwich."

He laughed out loud. "That's doable. But you're the vinegar."

"Nuh-uh, dipshit. You're the vinegar. All bitter and nasty smelling. I'm smooth like oil."

"Smooth like chunky peanut butter," he amended.

"Asswipe."

"Jerkoff," he replied lovingly. She stuck her tongue out at him, causing him to laugh again. "You're about as bad at comebacks as I am," he told her.

She shrugged. "You think that offends me? It doesn't."

Dean smirked. "Not much does, does it?"

"Not unless it's someone screwing with my family." She appraised him. "Hell, I guess that's going to include your sorry ass in a few weeks."

He threw his arm around her shoulders. "Yep. We're about to be kin. Ain't it exciting?"

She shoved him away. "Get off me, you dumb hick."

"You know, Kansas isn't technically southern."

"But you're marrying a chick from North Carolina. And trust me, that Bobby? He's going to have a southern accent. Mark my words."

Dean thought of Gabriel, the slight inflections in his voice, so similar to Ryan's and he smiled. "Yeah, that doesn't bother me in the least."

Sam and Ryan returned from the dance floor and Ryan glanced around. "Where's Tor?"

"Probably sucking some guy off in the bathroom like she usually does. She'll be along eventually."

Ryan rolled her eyes as she drank some more water. Dean noticed Gina had been keeping the girl's glasses full to counteract all the booze they'd been consuming. So far, it had been working. They were all just pleasantly buzzed. "I swear, that girl has an oral fixation."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Andy commented.

"I want to get mine. She gets hers by sucking. I just..." Ryan shook her head. "Not that I don't enjoy it, but, still..."

"Can we not discuss this at the table?" Sam pleaded.

Ryan smirked. "Sorry, Sam. Forgot you're still a virgin."

"Bullshit," Andy stated.

"Not for real," Sam stated, his eyes narrowing at Ryan. "But it was for a case, we took a virginity pledge."

Andy looked over at Dean. "And how long did yours last? Did you make it twenty four hours?"

"Hey!" He thought a moment. Had he made it twenty four hours?

"Ha!" Andy giggled. "I rest my case." She turned to Sam. "So, Sammy, how come you're still holding onto that precious V-card?"

He shrugged. "We've been busy with cases and Dean becoming a demon and then realizing he's got kids and shit. I haven't had time for a damn booty call."

"For the love of...please, do NOT call it a booty call, okay? You're a thirty-three year old man. There is never a time 'booty call' is acceptable. Got it?"

Sam held up both hands. "Got it. Geez."

She grabbed his hand and traced one of the wrinkles there. His love line, if Dean wasn't mistaken. "You know, you've got big hands, Sam."

"Yeah? So?"

She shrugged and didn't comment. Tory came back in then, smelling faintly of smoke.

"Seriously? Did you go out back and take a toke?" Andy questioned.

Tory shrugged. "What? I also got off back there while taking said toke. Is that a crime?"

"Technically? It is," Ryan put in.

"Like you wouldn't take Dean out back and bang him."

Ryan shrugged. "Naturally. But you asked me if it was a crime. And it is."

"Well, fuck the system. I needed to blow off some steam. The sexual tension at this table is driving me crazy."

Ryan just rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I want nachos. Who wants some?"

"Me! I've got the munchies now," Tory stated. "I got it," she extracted some cash from her impossibly tight pants. "Shots on me?"

"Let's get a round. Oooh, let's do kamikaze shots like that place out in Jersey," Ryan told her.

"Damn. I remember that night," Andy commented. "We got Ryan drunk."

"You got me drunk? Excuse me, I wasn't the one who couldn't figure out how to play dominoes."

"I'm not very dexterous when I'm drunk. Sue me," Andy shot back.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Come on, Tor. Andy, you gonna keep the guys company?"

"Sure. Why not."

"You gonna play nice?"

"Probably not."

Ryan laughed at that and walked, arm in arm, with Tory to the bar.

The music had changed to the more popular stuff playing on the radio now and Andy let out a little "Oh!" before she stood. "Come on, Sam. I love this song. Dance with me."

Sam looked at Dean for help. "Why not Dean?"

"Because Dean can't dance his way out of a paper bag. Come on!"

Dean watched them dancing and he felt Ryan slide in next to him. Sam and Andy were both singing along with the song. He'd heard it before; Hope and Krissy had started dissecting the newer music. Both of them liked this song because it sang of being born to be together. Of course, it was catchy. Any song called "Shut Up and Dance" was one that stuck with you.

It was funny, seeing Andy like this. He'd gotten used to not seeing Ruby. This was Andy. And Andy, well, she was kind of cool. But watching her and Sammy dancing...there was...was there something there?

He turned to Ryan, who was watching the dancing pair with a soft smile on her face. He hadn't realized she had returned. "Are they...are they into each other?"

Ryan's smile grew and she bit her lip. "I was trying to find out a way to tell you that you wouldn't be pissed..."

"They're into each other."

"Yes. And..."

"And...?" He thought a moment. "Hell no! She's not..."

Ryan nodded. "She doesn't know. He figured it out."

"She's his...?"

Ryan nodded again. "Yup."

"Fuck. I need a shot of something stronger." Just then, Gina arrived like a damn hero with a tray of shot glasses. "Gina, you're my hero. Gimme a couple of those..."

He downed one, then another, and was reaching for a third when Ryan put a hand on his. "No, Dean. You're supposed to be driving, remember? Suck it up and deal with it. They're meant to be."

"Fuck. Really?"

"You like her."

"Yeah, but not that much..."

Ryan chuckled. "It could be worse. It could be Tory."

"Tory is for Cas..." _Crap. Shouldn't have said that. _

Ryan let out a squeal so high, only dogs could hear it and she clutched his arm for all she was worth, almost drawing blood as her fingernails bit into his skin. "You're kidding! That's...that's perfect!"

He rolled his eyes and snagged her water so he could drink some of it. "Yeah, well, I don't know how the hell it's going to happen. It's not like they've even ever met."

"But they will...at the wedding, you know. Oh! We can invite Cas to go on our vacation!"

"An angel? On vacation? Why the hell would he go?"

Ryan smiled. "Leave that to me."

"You're a bit scary, you know that, right?"

"Did you just quote Ron Weasley?"

"What? He's cool."

She chuckled and kissed him. "You're awesome, honey. Seriously."

He puffed out his chest. "I know." He just didn't know about this whole Sam and Andy thing. Only time would tell on that one.

* * *

They closed down the bar, and as before, Ryan talked them into selling the group a Styrofoam cooler full of chilled beer. Dean drove them out to the lake, to his and Ryan's spot, where they built a campfire in the huge fire pit and sat around talking about hunts until the wee hours of the night on folding camp chairs Ryan kept in the back of the Expedition. After a while, Dean whispered in Ryan's ear, "Let's have a little privacy."

She smirked and stood from where she had been sitting on his lap, squirming ever so often, enough to illicit a response from his member, who was currently hard as a fucking diamond. "We're going for a walk."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Tory stated as she blew smoke rings into the night. Somewhere, she'd picked up a pack of cigarettes. Dean may have had one. Or two. He didn't smoke, his Dad didn't want it to affect his lungs if they needed to run during a hunt. It made sense. But sometimes, it was just relaxing to sit around and smoke while you drank beer. Sam had lit one, too, much to his surprise.

"That ain't limiting us to much," Ryan told her.

Tory shrugged.

Ryan turned to Sam. "Look after my girls, okay?"

"I'll do my best."

"No threesomes," she warned.

"You're a party pooper!" Andy commented from beside Sam, causing him to choke on his second cigarette.

"Seriously?"

"What? It wouldn't be the first time Andy and I have gotten freaky with a guy."

"Once, Tor. And it will never happen again. Especially not with Sam."

"Hey! What's wrong with me? I'm an acceptable stud to be used for your perversions."

Andy smiled softly. "I don't know, Sam, you're just...you're too sweet to be used that way."

"Yeah. It would be like using Ryan for sex. Not that I'd be above it..." Tory added.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "And on that note...Come on, Dean."

He let her pull him onto the dark trail. They walked a while until he found a spot hidden just off the path and he gently pushed her into a large oak tree. "I want you. Right here. Against this damn tree," he panted.

She let out a moan as he lifted her arms above her head and trapped them there. "You don't see me arguing, do you?"

"Fuck, Ryan, the things you do to me."

"Same goes, sugar," she purred as he began undoing her pants. He got them pushed down her legs and she tossed off one shoe before she kicked the pants off that one leg and wrapped it around his waist. "Need you," she whined as she unfastened the button on his jeans and pulled him free.

He hissed as the cool night air teased the pearl of cum on his tip. "Hell," he muttered.

"Heaven," she countered as she gave a little jump and his hands wrapped around her thighs as he shoved her into the tree as he thrust, connecting them.

"I wish we could watch us," she sighed. "I bet you look so damn good, shoving me into a tree, your sexy ass out on display as you fuck me into oblivion," she whispered.

He whimpered. "Damn it, I'm not gonna last, you keep up that sexy talk."

"Yeah? Well, then let's do it, baby. Fuck me so hard you forget your name."

"Won't...be...hard," he told her as he braced himself and moved one hand to her clit. His fingers began swirling in circles, getting her started, knowing that drove her mad with want before he got down to business and began violently rubbing up and down, up and down, knowing that made her come the hardest.

He felt her clench around him and her clit violently pulse as she screamed into the night, pulling his hair for all she was worth with one hand, the other, fingernails digging into his shoulder. He felt his own release and bit her shoulder, hard, as he came.

"Fucking hell, I needed that."

"You three were driving me crazy talking about sex half the night," he told her.

She smirked. "I know."

"You're evil. Seriously." She winked. He let her down gently and she winced. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Just got to get feeling back in my legs. I'll live. Trust me. And if I don't? What a way to go."

He chuckled at that and fastened his pants. He watched her slip her pants back up her legs and he smirked at the tree. It didn't look any different. Maybe he needed to fix that. He pulled out his silver knife.

"Dee? What are you doing?"

He didn't answer as he carved a heart in the tree before he added D.W. + R.F. inside it. "I just...it's stupid."

She smiled and reached up to kiss him. "You know, I'd like to think, if we had been together, had grown up together, we still would have ended up like this. The two of us, I mean." She fingered the letters on the tree. "It's perfect, Dean." She turned to him and smiled.

"Yeah? Well, you're perfect for me, so it works out," he told her as he reached for her hand.

They walked back to find Sam and Andy talking softly, leaning into one another. Dean blinked and shook his head. This...this was happening, wasn't it? Like, right now.

"Where's Tor?"

"Asleep in the back of the truck," Andy stated before she stood.

Sam stood, too. "Guess we call it a night?"

"Guess so." He turned to Ryan. "Why don't you girls go on and get in the car. We'll put the fire out and grab the chairs."

"Thanks, Dean. I don't mind being a chick when it comes to not having to do work," Andy told him as she smacked his arm.

He just chuckled and shook his head. He moved over to Sam, who was gathering up the buckets to grab water from the lake to put the fire out. "Hey, Sam, you got a minute?"

Sam looked up. "Uh...sure?"

Dean nodded. "Okay, so, uh..." Sam's eyebrow went up. "So, you and Andy. You're, uh..."

"Soul mates?" Sam chuckled flatly. "I guess Ryan told you. Yeah, that's the rumor, anyway. I don't think Andy knows yet, though."

"If that's the case, I'm happy for you, but..."

Sam frowned. "But what?"

"You know what I gotta do."

"Damn it, Dean, why can't a good thing ever be just a good thing?!"

"You know why! Sammy, you of all people should know that half the time, our clouds don't have silver linings. Turns out they're usually just a shitload of black smoke."

"Glass half full as always, I see." Sam shook his head. "She's been tested. And tested. And tested again, Dean."

"Sam..."

"No, wait, just let me say this; you're worried. I get that. But you ever see things going sideways with you and Ryan?"

"Of course not."

"Exactly. I wouldn't believe it, not for a minute, that anything would ever tear the two of you apart."

"But me and Ryan, we got history."

"And it started somewhere, Dean. This...this is mine and her history starting."

"I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it." Sam sighed. "You just don't trust Andy because she's not family."

"That's not it. But I gotta be honest, anyone that ain't our family usually ends up screwing us over and _not _in the fun way."

"Then it's because of the family resemblance."

"Well, that one would put anyone off their feed."

"Look, man, I'm trying here. I can't help it. Can't you accept me for me on this, Dean?"

"I do, Sammy. And she's..." he trailed off and shrugged. They were working on this whole damn communication thing, so he added, "I'm worried she'll hurt you, Sam."

"She won't. And do you know how I know that?"

"Enlighten me."

"Because Ryan trusts her. And your woman doesn't trust many damn people, Dean. So if she's good enough for Ryan to be friends with, that's good enough for me."

"Yeah, but Ryan's not wanting.. God, Sam, what you're saying...c'mon, man! You want a life with her? Kids? I mean, don't you find it just a LITTLE weird that Ruby's twin meatsuit, the one you managed to fall into bed with, just HAPPENS to be your soul mate?! Sorry, that's just too coincidental for me to get comfortable with."

Sam ran a hand over his face and then through his hair. "I don't know all the ins and outs, but I asked Ryan about it. Apparently Gabe told her. And we're believing _him _now, aren't we?"

"Well, yeah, but, I mean..."

"So? They're twins. What do you want me to do with it? Maybe that connection, their souls touching in utero, maybe that made me more susceptible to her. Maybe that's why, in her meatsuit, maybe..." Sam shook his head. "I don't know, okay? It is what it is. I can't do a damn thing about it. The angels wanted you and Ryan together. Well, guess what? The angels want me and Andy."

"I'm gonna go out on a damn limb here and sound like a chick for about five seconds, but that girl? She ain't good enough for you, Sam."

"And you think you're good enough for Ryan?"

It didn't hurt his feelings. "I _know _I'm not good enough for Ryan. But she wants me, so..."

"And I want Andy." Sam blew out a breath. "Look, it's weird, okay? I get it. But I can't help it. I've been _trying, _Dean, trust me. You think I want this? This way? With _her_? The problem is, I'm letting my memories and past try to influence me. Ryan said I could absolutely hang this up, move on, but we both know I can't. Could you walk away from Ryan? Seriously. If she didn't have the kids, could you walk away from her?"

"I did. Five times, in fact."

"But that's just it. You kept coming back to her and fate kept putting her in your path. Ever wonder why that was?"

"Because, she couldn't get knocked up without me being there?" he offered.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You don't believe that and neither do I."

Dean blew out a breath. "Andy's...cool. Forget the Ruby thing, she's a cool person. So, I guess...if you want her.."

"I do. I tried not to want her, but, damn it, I can't help myself."

Dean clapped his brother on the shoulder. "Well, then, what are you going to do? You're not smooth like I am, Sammy. You gonna woo her or some shit?"

"Would you stay out of it? For me? Please? Just...pretend you don't know."

"Why?"

"Honestly? Because I don't want her to know about the angel stuff."

"Lying to her off the bat? Dude, that's not your style."

"I know. But I want her to fall in love with _me _not because of fate or some shit." He smiled. "Like you did with Ryan. You were in love with her long before you knew you were soul mates, whether you wanted to admit it or not."

Sam wasn't wrong about that. So he nodded. Andy was like him, so, it had to be Andy's idea to fall in love with Sam. "Fine. But I'll still give her shit."

Sam smiled at that. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"Come on. Let's get back, call it a night."

Sam yawned. "Sounds like a plan to me."

* * *

**June Twenty Sixth **

Dean wiped his hands on his jeans before he stood. There was no way he should be nervous, right? The kid wanted to come for the next few weeks. It was cool. Everything would be fine. Right? He sucked in a breath and blew it out. Damn. He really shouldn't be this nervous, should he? He was about to walk up the driveway when he heard his phone beep. He looked at the text and smiled.

Ryan: You'll do fine, Dee. I love you. And Ben does, too.

He sucked in another breath, blew it out, straightened his shoulders, and walked to the door. He rang the bell and Lisa answered. She didn't look good. She was pale and had dark circles under her eyes, but she was smiling. "Hi, Dean."

"Hey, Lisa." He didn't know what to do. Should he...she answered for him by giving him a hug, which he returned before he pulled away. "Thanks for this, for letting him come."

She smiled. "He's excited. Don't let him tell you he's not. Ever since he's been getting pictures of the kids from you and Ryan, he's been eager to meet them all."

"Sorry it's taken so long for us to come get him."

She shrugged. "You are all...busy, I assume, with your work."

He grinned at that. "Yeah, we're busy, but mostly with the kids. Hunting is taking a back burner for the most part while we get everything figured out. And Sam's met someone, so..."

"That's great!"

His grin grew. "Try telling that to Andy."

"Andy?"

"His girl. Right now, she's clueless. It's...funny."

Her brows quirked. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"You really don't," he told her with a head shake. They hadn't informed Lisa about everything in their lives. She didn't know the kids were...special. Ben would find out, this trip, but it was easier to keep Lisa in the dark. He felt sure Ben would agree with him on that. "So, how are you?"

"Dying?" she stated with another shrug. She shook her head. "Some days are better than others."

"You got anyone to help you around here while he's gone?"

"I'm dying, not dead, Dean. I can manage. But one of my friends is nearby if I need her. And work is keeping me healthy, well, healthier, anyway."

"That's...that's good."

She licked her lips. "You, uh, when you guys come back, I've got some stuff to talk to you about. Just...well, just in case, you know?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Ryan sends her love, by the way."

Lisa smiled. "She's a good one, Dean. I like her. I've talked to her, on the phone some, you know."

"You have?"

She nodded. "Just a few times. I had some questions about the area down there. I don't..." She drew a weary breath. "I don't know how much longer I'll stay this healthy. I just want to make sure Ben's happy, you know?"

He nodded. "You know we'll keep him safe, keep him happy."

She smiled and nodded. "I know. But Ryan and I...we've got a mother's connection. I just wanted to be reassured she knew what Ben needed, you know?"

He swallowed hard and nodded once more. Lisa was dying. She wanted their son, _her _son, looked after. He could appreciate that.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until they heard Ben bounding down the steps and Dean was reminded of Hope. She always flew down the stairs. He wondered if that was just a trait they shared, because Kris was always more reserved when it came to coming downstairs. It was funny, how the kids were all different, yet somehow, all the same.

"Hey, Dean," Ben began.

"Ben. Got your stuff?"

The boy nodded as he held up a large duffel bag and hoisted his backpack higher up on his shoulder. "Yep." He turned to Lisa. "Mom, you sure you'll be fine?"

She rolled her eyes. "I can handle a week or so without you, Benjamin. Go, have fun."

"I'll call or text every night," he promised as he bent to kiss her cheek.

Dean felt tears clog his throat. He swallowed them down and said, "I promise, I'll look after him, Lis."

She smiled at that. "I know you will. I don't doubt that one for a minute. Go, have fun. Both of you. And try to stay out of trouble, Benjamin Isaac."

"I try, Mom, trouble just usually finds me!"

Dean snorted at that. Yep, the kid was definitely a Winchester. "I'll keep him on the straight and narrow."

"Oh, no, I don't trust you not to get him into trouble. But I trust Ryan to keep you both straight."

Ben and Dean shared a look and a tentative smile. "Yes, ma'am," they chorused.

She shook her head and chuckled as she hugged Ben one last time. "See you soon, boys."

The two guys walked to the car and Ben smiled as his hand lightly traveled up the hood of the car as he walked to the passenger side. "I forgot how beautiful she was," he commented. Dean thought for a moment before he tossed Ben the keys. Ben caught them on reflex. "You...you want me to drive?"

"You've got a license, right? I mean, a real one? Fake ID's don't count with my baby."

"Y-Yeah."

Dean smiled. "Then, yeah. Sure."

Ben's eyes grew wider as he looked from the car to Dean once more. "You're shitting me."

Dean laughed out loud. "Nope. Go ahead. I don't doubt Lisa made sure you were a decent driver. Go for it."

"Th-Thanks, Dean," Ben murmured as he walked around to the driver's side. Dean moved to the passenger side. He sat and glanced at Ben, who had tossed his bags in the backseat and sat in the driver's seat. He was now running his hands over the steering wheel with love. That's when it occurred to him; Ben probably loved this car, not as much as Dean did, but it was, at least, attached to some damn good memories.

Dean's lip quirked. "The key goes in the ignition."

Ben blinked and looked at him. "I dreamed about this car. Those months before we got our memories back. I dreamed about her."

"Ben..."

Ben shook his head. "I get it, okay? I...I've had a lot of time to think about it since you came in January. I get it. You did what you thought was best. It was a dick move, but I get it."

"I'm sorry."

"I was too afraid to ask you this before, but if I wasn't yours, would you have told me? Would you have come back?"

Dean thought about that a minute. "It depends."

"On what?"

"On whether I was still hell bent on killing myself in this job or not. If it wasn't for Ryan...if I'd managed to recover from that last thing I did..." He shook his head. "No, if it wasn't for Ryan, I wouldn't have come back. But it wouldn't have mattered if you were mine or not, I'd have wanted to come back. I did want to come back. Even before Ryan."

Ben seemed to process that a moment before he nodded. "Okay."

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"Everyone is more mature with their emotions than I am," Dean grumbled under his breath.

Ben's lip quirked. "No comment." He cranked the car and his eyes grew round again. "Damn. I...this is awesome. Thanks."

"Don't wreck her and we're square."

Ben's smile filled his whole face as his hands ran down the steering wheel again. "Nah, me and this sexy lady got it going on, don't we, Baby? Yeah, she and I are cool with each other. We'll take care of one another."

Dean felt the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Okay. Well, we aren't going directly home."

"We aren't?"

Dean shook his head. "Nope. Ryan thought maybe we, uh, maybe we needed a few days to just...I don't know, be guys or some shit. We're going to South Dakota to a friend's cabin for a few days."

"Cool," Ben commented as he pulled away from the curb. "Can we go fishing again?"

Dean nodded. "Jody's got poles up there. And we can go to Ryan's old diner, too, in Sioux Falls."

"So, we're going to that place you took us that one time?"

Dean nodded. "It's near there." He paused. "You remember it?"

"Yeah. Is Mr. Singer still there?"

Dean felt it, like a stab to his chest. "Bobby died a few years ago."

Ben's face fell. "Was it..."

Dean nodded. "A monster. A terrible, evil, nasty ass monster."

"Did you kill it?"

Dean smiled at that. "Yeah, I did. Ended up doing a year in Purgatory for it, too, but, yeah, I ganked his ass."

"Purgatory is real?"

"It's Heaven for monsters. Or Hell, depending on your take on the subject."

"You'll have to tell me stories about that."

"Yeah, I'm the world traveler. I've been to Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. Thrill a minute, let me tell ya," he deadpanned.

"Wow," Ben breathed as he kept his focus on the road.

They rode in silence for a few moments as Ben navigated them out of the housing development and onto the road northwest, toward Chicago. Finally, Ben said, "I, uh, I know you don't want me hunting, but that hasn't stopped me from researching monsters, just to be on the safe side, so I know if...if something comes along again to hurt us..."

"That's...very smart of you, Ben," Dean told him, impressed.

The boy shrugged. "Well, you left us defenseless, Dean. It made it easier on _you _for us not to remember you. But we were still as susceptible as any other plain old human. Once I got my memories back, I started researching so I could keep us safe."

"Ben..."

Ben shook his head. "Don't. I told you I got it, I meant it. But I knew we'd need protecting. Mom wasn't thrilled when I drew the devil's trap on the back of the rugs, or put salt in all the windowsills, but she went with it, because she knew I was right. The other research, well, she didn't know about that, okay?"

Dean nodded. "I'm proud of you. You looked after your mom. Good man."

"Yeah, well, I've got a few questions about hunting, okay?"

Dean nodded again. "Okay. Shoot."

The drive to Jody's cabin took a while as they talked. Dean decided, no matter how uncomfortable the question, he'd answer it for Ben. The kid deserved that at the very least.

They stopped in Chicago and had pizza because Dean remembered Death commenting on how good it was. They switched then and Dean drove until they got to the Wisconsin/South Dakota state line and Ben took over again. It was never uncomfortable, much to Dean's surprise, and they were able to slip into their roles as friends, even if it wasn't quite father/son, which was okay with Dean. He was glad to have this cool kid in his life.

When Dean asked him what he wanted to do with his life, Ben didn't surprise him in the least when he said since he was adapt at cars, he'd like to find something to do with them, but he was also still so interested in the supernatural. He told Dean how Ryan had mentioned the Men of Letters and Dean promised to show him around the bunker.

After stopping in at the diner, where Ben was enamored with Bo's bright blue Mohawk and a soft, "Dude, he looks like you!" which threw Dean off, they made it to the cabin. Jody promised to stock the fridge for them and had gone above and beyond getting the place ready. She had it full of food, had the fishing poles out, and had even pulled the kayaks and canoe out of storage. He'd have to do something nice for Jody. Soon.

They took turns getting ready for bed in the small bathroom and when Ben emerged from the shower, he smiled at Dean. "Thanks, for this. I, uh, it's been awesome so far."

Dean smiled. "I'm glad we got to do this. Really."

"Well, I'm tired, so..."

Dean nodded. It was early yet, but he realized the kid probably needed some time alone. Too, he'd promised to call Lisa. Dean felt sure he wanted to do that in private. "Yeah. Goodnight, Ben."

"Night, Dean," the boy said as he shut himself in the second bedroom.

Dean all but fell onto the bed and the first thing he did was snatch his phone from his pocket to call Ryan.

She answered, breathless, on the third ring. "Lo?"

"What are you doing?"

"Currently? Chasing your son around the house. It seems one of his powers popped up."

"You're kidding! What did he do?"

She sighed. "He turned Jon's squeaky lizard into a real one!"

Dean waited a beat, and then he roared in laughter. "You're shitting me!"

"No, damn it, Dean! It's not funny!" But she was laughing as she said it. She started giggling and couldn't stop. "He scared the shit out of Krissy. I thought Hope was going to have to perform CPR. Sam had to take her outside to calm her down while I had to hunt the damn thing. Bobby was just sitting there confused as to how he did it, but thrilled he caused such chaos..."

"Well, he is the God of Mischief."

"God help me," Ryan muttered.

"So? Did you find the lizard?"

"Yeah, I found it. Poor thing. And Hope turned it back into the squeaky one of Jon's because the baby was sobbing because his toy ran away..."

Dean chuckled. "I miss you guys already."

He could hear Ryan's smile as she asked, "So? How's it going?"

"He's...it's awesome. Really. We went and had Chicago pizza, then we came to the diner and ate. Bo was working. His hair is bright blue this week. Ben thinks he looks like me."

Ryan was quiet a moment. "Did you have an affair with a chick in South Dakota twenty some years ago?"

Dean blinked. "Maybe? Hell, I don't know, Ryan. Probably."

"Should we check...?"

"I think I've got enough illegitimate children I know about right now, thank you very much. Besides, I'd had to have been like, fourteen. I, uh, was a little older than that, you know..."

She giggled. "Dean Winchester. Are you suddenly shy talking about your virginity?"

"What?! It's precious, Ryan. It was a gift to give it away, you know!"

"I know. I gave mine to you, remember?" she told him softly.

He smiled as he remembered that night at her college. He was glad she considered him to be the one to have it, that it wasn't stolen from her as a child. "Yeah, I remember that night very vividly. As a matter of fact, I still get a damn woody when 'Black Velvet' comes on."

She chuckled. "Hope used to ask me why I blushed every time we heard that song on the radio."

"Ha. That's my girl."

"Well, you have fun with Ben. Sammy and I will hold down the fort."

"How's project 'Woo Blackwell' going?"

She snorted. "About as well as can be expected when your brother is awkward as hell around women. How is it you managed to get all the smoothness? Couldn't you have like, share it with him?"

"Why? It was more pussy for me."

"Well, you don't need that charm anymore. You've got me."

"But you'd like for me to charm those panties off of you on occasion, wouldn't you?"

"Good point." He heard a shout and she muttered, "Holy shit," before she said, "Sorry, sugar, someone bellows. I'll text you once the monsters are actually _in _bed. Fucking drama..." she growled as he heard the phone disconnect.

He chuckled. Yeah, his family was guano. Luckily, he loved them more than life.

* * *

**Ryan POV **

"Robert Gabriel!" Ryan shouted as she stood from where she had collapsed to talk with Dean on the stairwell. "Get down here. Now!"

He showed at the top of the stairs, halfway into his pajamas. Ryan noticed they were getting too little. He was growing again. "Yes, Mama?" he asked softly as he continued to try pushing his arm through the correct hole.

She shot him a droll look. "Are you now torturing Krissy with lizards?"

He gave a wicked smirk before he shook his head. "No ma'am."

Her jaw clenched as she moved up the stairs slowly. "You're almost four, buddy. You shouldn't be this good at getting under their skin, you know."

"I's sowwy."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Are you really?"

He looked down at his toes. "Kwissy is funny when she sqweams."

Ryan's lip quirked. Damn him. He was his father's, that was for sure. "Okay, look, you've got powers, alright? But you can't abuse them."

"Wike Spidew-Man?"

She nodded. The kid liked Batman, if only because Dean did. But the boy _loved _Spider-Man "Like Spider-Man. You're a hero like Daddy, right?"

"Wite!"

She nodded again. "Okay, so, remember that, will you? Try not to torture anyone. And guess what? If they scream? It may not be in delight, alright?"

"Okay." He looked at her and for just a moment, she saw Gabriel, the Gabriel she knew, before Bobby shined back at her. "I sowwy, Mommy."

"I know you are, Buddy. But you need to tell Kris that, don't you think?"

"Okay!" he exclaimed before he ran off toward Hope and Krissy's room.

Ryan blew out a breath and turned. Sam was at the foot of the stairs. "Remind me how we're going to survive once we have two of them up running around?"

"We gang up on them?" he offered.

She chuckled. "Hook up with Andy and we'll be four against two."

His face fell a moment before his eyes narrowed. "I'm working on it."

"At a rate of zero miles an hour. Come on, Sam. I mean, she's my maid of honor for crying out loud. If this were a romcom..."

"Well, it isn't and I'm doing my damnedest, alright?"

She held up her hands in defense. "I know, okay? I get it."

He blew out a breath. "Come on. I'll help you get the boys tucked into bed."

"Sam," she began, but he just held up a hand.

"Save it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, alright? And I don't know how to go about getting her around to my way of thinking and I just..." he shook his head. "I'm clueless, okay? And it doesn't help matters that I'm frustrated in other areas, too."

She blinked and then smirked. "Oh! You mean..." she trailed off and he nodded.

"Yeah. Like that, too."

She cast a glance heavenward as she thought a moment and pursed her lips. "Hmm, sorry, bud. I don't have a suggestion for that unless we just get you both plastered and you just kind of go for it. I mean, I'm sure she'd have sex with you. She thinks you're handsome."

"Really?"

She had to fight the urge to giggle as his voice went an octave higher. "Really. She's getting there, Sam. But you gotta treat her carefully. Andy...she doesn't let people in. They can hurt her."

"Sounds like someone else we know."

She nodded. "Yeah. She's warming up to all of this, but it's a lot to take in, you know? Just...let her be a hunter and a friend. And if it goes from there, well, it goes from there."

"Okay. I can do that."

And idea cropped up and she smiled. "Good. Now, let's get the monsters to bed. I forgot something at the bunker."

"Want me to go get it?"

She shook her head. "No. I'll go. I need to stop at the grocery for the Apple Strudel I'm making in the morning."

"You do realize I've gained like, ten pounds, living with you, right?"

She poked his side. "Good. You're too damn skinny."

He didn't have a comeback for that.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Ryan was cruising down the road with the windows down and Zeppelin blaring from the speakers as she headed toward Andy's. She wanted to get to the damn bottom of this thing with Andy and Sam. She knew her friend was interested in Sam. She just needed for her to admit it. And now was a perfect time. Tory was out of town on a hunt with Rudy, a simple shifter issue she felt confident could be handled quickly enough before the wedding.

Ryan pulled into Andy's driveway and wasn't surprised to find Andy sitting on the porch, cold beer in hand. "Hey, stranger!"

"Stranger? Didn't I just see you a few hours ago at the bunker? What's up?"

Ryan shrugged as she stood. "Nothing. Just got the kids to bed. Dean's off with Ben, Sam's at the house, and just felt like coming to chill out a bit."

"Cool. Want a beer?"

Ryan held up her bottle of water. "Nah, I'm good."

"So...?"

Ryan sat in the other rocking chair and propped her feet up on the porch railing. "Spill it."

"Spill what? You came here, remember?"

"I also know you. Something's bugging you. So? Spill it."

She waited a beat, and sure enough, Andy sighed. "I just...I...why is he so damn nice?"

_Gotcha. _"Who?"

"Sam."

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "What do you mean?"

"He's just, he's so damn nice and he's sweet and he's got this little dimple that pops out when he smiles and he's so good with the kids and he's a great hunter and he's so damn tall and he's built like a fucking Greek God and I just..." She turned to Ryan. "Am I crazy?"

"Certifiable. But not about this."

"But it's weird, right?"

"Why?"

"Because him and Ariel..."

"First off, he was never with Ariel."

"But he was with her body!"

"So? When my great-aunt died, her boyfriend kind of hung around the family. We sort of adopted him. Then, when my grandfather died, her sister, my grandmother, started dating him, her dead sister's boyfriend. And did we look down on Grandma for her choice in guys?"

"No?"

"Exactly. Well, he was kind of weird, but other than that, he was a cool guy. Had this old car...it was an antique, not like Demon or Baby, but literally, an antique. He used to rent it out for people to use as their getaway cars from weddings. It was neat. Anyway, so, it's not that weird, Andy."

"Yeah, but, there's so much bad blood..."

"You two seem to be getting past that. I've seen you chatting with each other."

"He's so damn interesting. And he's sweet. Did I mention that? And he's sexy. Fuck, he's sexy. Maybe I just need to get laid."

Ryan shrugged. "Maybe you do. Or maybe you need to let this thing blossom, see if there's anything there."

"No. I can't. Can I?"

Ryan smiled. "I think you should."

"Why?"

Ryan thought a moment and her grin grew. "I'm so happy, Andy. I want everyone to feel this. And you two would make a good couple."

"You think?"

Ryan nodded. "I know."

"But I've known him for five minutes!"

"So? I knew Dean for like, four hours before I had sex with him. And you know my history. There was no reason why on earth I would trust him to be intimate with me. But I did."

"Yeah, but he's your soul mate and..." She trailed off and blinked. "Holy shit. Sam's not my..." Her eyes grew wide. "Is he?!"

Ryan smiled. "You tell me."

"Holy fucking shit. He is! That makes...it explains everything! I can't stop thinking about him. He drives me crazy with want. I just, sometimes I want to just drop him on the floor of the damn bunker and fuck his brains out right there in front of everybody."

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "I'd prefer you didn't."

"Yeah, but it makes sense! He's my soul mate. It explains why he cleaved to Ruby in my sister's shell, too."

Ryan's brow furrowed. "It does?"

Andy nodded. "We were identical twins. We shared not only a womb, but an egg. And when you're that close with another person, your souls touch. He could pick up on the essence of what was left of Ariel. I know she wasn't his soul mate. It doesn't work that way. But if he was connected to me, then..." She blinked again before she looked at Ryan wild-eyed. "Am I crazy?"

"Again, certifiable. But not about this."

Andy's eyes narrowed as she looked at Ryan. "You knew, didn't you?"

Ryan nodded. "Gabriel told me."

"Did you tell Sam?"

Ryan trod carefully there. "I didn't tell Sam, no. It was hard enough telling him who you were without telling him you two were connected."

"What am I going to do?"

Ryan smiled slightly. "Way I see it? You got two options. One, just forget it. Pretend it's not real, not happening."

"And the other option?"

"Embrace it."

"I don't know how. I've never been in a lasting relationship, Ryan. The longest one I had was like, a month, maybe two."

Ryan shrugged. "Look at Dean. He was the same."

Andy let out a shaky breath. "Holy shit. I just don't know what to do with this."

"You'll figure it out."

"How am I going to face him now? Now that I know?"

"You'll figure that out, too." Ryan gave her a small smile and then leaned over to hug her friend. "I'm going to head home. I just needed to bug you until I got it out of you what was bothering you."

"Well, thanks. I don't feel any better."

Ryan shrugged. "It isn't my place to make you feel good about this. It's my place to be a sounding board to talk to so you can get it all off your chest."

Andy hugged her again. "Thanks. I think. I'll, uh, I guess I have a lot to think over. I may need something stronger than beer."

Ryan chortled. "Probably. Don't get shit-faced and drunk dial him though, okay?"

Andy sent her a mortified face. "Oh, God...maybe you should hide my phone and my car keys."

Ryan giggled and shook her head. "It'll be fine. Goodnight, Andy. And welcome to the Winchester family."

"We don't know if Sam wants me," she whispered. "What if I'm not good enough for him? He's so smart and awesome and I'm just..."

Ryan took the other woman's face in her hand. "Hey. Stop that. Sam would be lucky to have you."

"You know, for certain, we're soul mates?"

Ryan nodded. "Definitively."

Andy sucked in another shaky breath. "Okay then. I can, I can work with that."

Ryan gave her another soft smile before she walked down the steps and off the porch. She made it to the car and out of the drive before she called Dean. "Oh. My. God." she stated when he answered. "Andy knows!"

"Andy knows...about her and Sam? What happened?"

"She figured it out."

"And? How was she? Is she cool with it? I like her, Ryan, but if she hurts him, I'mma kill her and bury the body."

She smiled. "Trust me. She's...I think it's cool, Dean. It's gonna be good."

"Really? You think so?"

'

Her smile grew at his worried tone. "It'll all work out like it's supposed to. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy your time with Ben. I got these two lovebirds."

"You gonna tell Sam?"

"Are you kidding? Hell no. They need to figure this out. I've already stepped in enough and so have you."

"I haven't done anything!"

"But you were thinking it."

"That's scary how you know that."

She giggled. "Go to bed. I'm heading back home. I told Sam I left something at the bunker so I could go over to Andy's."

"Lying to Sammy? You should be ashamed of yourself."

"It's for the greater good, Dean. I'm looking after them both. It's exhausting."

"You'll live. Go on home. Unless you wanna stop on the side of the road and rub one out with me?"

"You're a pig."

"That wasn't a no, Ryan."

She chortled. "Let me get back home first, then we'll have phone sex. Deal?"

"Deal!" he stated eagerly.

She giggled again and hit the 'end' button on the phone.

* * *

**July Third (Early AM) **

Ryan woke with a start and glanced up at the ceiling. She felt Dean's arm heavy across her stomach and felt a bubbling nausea rising up her throat. She quickly slithered out from under him and stood. It felt like the dark was closing in on her so she quickly slipped into some pajama pants and hurried down the stairs. Once there, she gasped out a breath and sank to the bottom stair.

"Ryan?" Sam came out of the kitchen munching on an apple. He dropped it and dashed to her side. "Ryan!"

"I'm-I'm f-fine," she managed, but she didn't feel it. What was wrong with her?

"Hey, come on," he grasped her arm and helped her stand. "What is it?"

She shook her head, then shook it again. "I-I don't...I don't...it's everything, Sam! My God. It's...two days! And the dress, and Jody and my word, Bobby and the cakes, and what about Jon? And then the packing! So much packing! And I just..." she looked into his eyes and burst out in tears as she sank to the step once more. "I can't do it."

"Hey, hey, hey," he stated as he sat next to her and picked her up before sitting her in his lap. She felt him brushing her hair and shushing her as she sobbed. She didn't know what was wrong with her as she cried into his chest. She felt a slight rocking sensation and it helped calm her just a little bit. Finally, she took a deep, stuttering breath to try and calm herself. "Better?" he asked.

"A little," she replied, almost shyly, as she realized he was holding her like one would a child. "Wh-what's wrong with me?"

"Best guess? You had a panic attack."

She swallowed hard. "Sorry."

He chuckled and smiled as she slid from his lap back to her own spot on the stairs. He stood, hauled her to her feet, led her to the kitchen, sat her down in a chair, and poured her a glass of something before he came back to sit it before her. "Drink."

She downed the shot, wincing at the burn of the bourbon. "Thanks," she whispered.

He shrugged. "It's a lot on you, Ryan, but Andy's handling everything. And you've got me and Dean to help wrangle the boys. Jody promised she'd have someone cover the station so she could be here. Tory got in about an hour ago. The rehearsal dinner is tonight. We're leaving on Sunday for the trip. You and Dean get a night alone at a hotel for Saturday night. It's fine. Everything is under control. You aren't handling everything. We're helping. We are here to help."

She took in another stuttering breath and blew it out one more time. "I know, Sam. I know."

"And your dress? It's kick-ass. Dean's gonna bust a nut when he sees you in it."

She smirked. "You haven't seen it on me yet."

"I don't need to. I can imagine it."

"You fantasizing about me over there, Winchester?" she joked, feeling more like herself.

"Yep. That's it. Hit the nail on the head with that one."

She chuckled and reached over to hug him. "Thanks, Sam."

He shrugged. "Just helping my sis out."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Sammy. Truthfully, I don't know how I made it this long without you. And furthermore, I'm pissed at Dean that he's had you for all these years and hasn't appreciated you."

Sam smiled at that. "I think, in his own way, he has appreciated me. He's taken me for granted a time or two, but I'm guilty of that as well." He appraised her. "You good now?"

She thought a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

He stood and yawned. "Okay. Well, I need to go to bed."

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she inquired.

"I was. I just woke up because I remembered something I wanted to look up and I knew you were the last person to have the book."

She nodded. She and the girls had been learning some of the Men of Letters spells. Hope, of course, remembered a handful of them and was adept at learning new ones. To Ryan's surprise, she and Krissy both were as well. She wasn't sure how she felt about dabbling in witchcraft, but she was enjoying it. "Did you find it?"

He nodded.

"It wasn't a love spell, was it?"

He laughed at that. "No. It wasn't."

She smiled. Andy and Sam were tiptoeing around each other and it was the cutest thing. She was itching to just lock them in a room together until they talked or fucked, but she was biding her time. It would happen when it was supposed to. It was funny though, because both of them were impatient for this to come to fruition, but neither seemed to know how to go about it. They were both so blissfully ignorant on the subject. Now she knew how cupids felt."It'll happen, Sam, when it's supposed to."

"I know. I'm just impatient."

Her smile grew. "What? You? Never."

He shot her the bitchface and she giggled as she hugged him. "Thank you for being you, Sam."

"Thank you for being an awesome sister," he responded. "See you in the morning."

She nodded. "Yeah. Looks like we've got a full day."

"And then some," he added as they parted ways.

She walked back up the stairs and back to her and Dean's room. She walked in and smiled as she slipped into bed as his arm went back around her waist. She couldn't wait to marry this man next to her. She really couldn't.

* * *

The next day passed in a flurry of activity. Manicures, pedicures, pampering, blasting out music as they rode...

"Isn't this a weird band to be listening to on your wedding day?" Krissy commented as Ryan finished singing along with 'My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark' by FOB.

"Are you kidding? This stuff calms me down like nobody's business!"

"Ryan's got an odd sense of musical taste," Jody smirked. "Luckily, that works for her."

"I thought you liked Fall Out Boy," Ryan commented as she glanced to the way-back where Hope and Kris were sitting.

"I do. I just...don't you, like, want something mellow?"

Ryan thought a moment and grinned. "Nope."

Krissy giggled as the next song swelled and Ryan cranked it. The whole group of girls had gone for a beauty day while Dean kept the boys. It had been interesting, adding Ben into the mix. He fit in perfectly. He enjoyed playing with the little boys, and the connection he had with Hope was instantaneous. It was how he and Krissy acted around each other that gave Ryan pause. They were flirting. And Ben was enough like his father to cause Ryan more than just a little concern. She knew, somehow, Ben would end up living with them. Lisa's health wouldn't last forever, and Ryan wasn't sure how that would affect whatever was happening between the two young people. Only time would tell with that.

"So, seriously? I still can't see Dean?" Ryan asked as they pulled up at the church. The Impala, their "getaway" car was already sitting, shining in the last vestiges warm afternoon sun. Their wedding was going to be a candlelight service, soft, romantic, Somewhat against the grain for them, but it was going to be utterly beautiful. Ryan had found a small white church for them to get married in and Cas was going to officiate, which he had taken very seriously. He had shown up in a panic three days ago because he had never seen a wedding performed before. That had led Ryan to show him some chick flicks, which Dean had grumbled and growled about until she had sent him and Sam to go get a beer so she and Cas could watch in peace. It was no surprise to her that the angel had enjoyed the movies. Dean probably would have, too, had he given them a half a chance.

"No. He got the boys ready at home. They're probably terrorizing the joint as we speak."

"I can't believe Ryan's getting married in a church," Tory replied as they climbed out of the car.

"Ha. Very funny," Ryan deadpanned. "What's funny is the fact you're going to be in one. I hope it doesn't spontaneously combust."

"I'm about to spontaneously combust if I don't get laid soon. I can't believe you guys are having such a small damn wedding! Seriously! No available guys at all to be had? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Ryan shrugged. "Sorry. Only available dudes there will be Ben, Bo, and Cas."

"I think Bo may be off the market," Jody stated as they walked into the church and Andrea directed them to the small bridal suite. Everyone else had their dresses on, Ryan just needed to slip hers on. Andy and Tory, her bridesmaids, were wearing gorgeous navy blue dresses. Hope and Krissy had graciously bowed out of the wedding party. They had no desire to be in the limelight. "Ann and him are kind of buddy-buddy right now, aren't you?"

Ann rolled her eyes. The girl still had a half a chip on her shoulder, but she had been glad to see Bobby and Hope again. "Come on, Mom, don't tease me about it. We're taking it slow."

Jody snorted. "Slow? I found a trail of clothes to your room last week, kid."

"I...it wasn't what it looked like."

Jody's eyebrow popped. "So, you two didn't have sex in my house?"

The girl winced, and Ryan felt sorry for her, so she said, "Jody, we need to find you a man. Or woman. I mean, heck, maybe you and Tory should..."

The two women eyed one another and shook their heads. "Not my type," they commented almost in unison, earning a few giggles from around the room.

"So, you ready to get dressed, Ryan?" Tory asked. "It's almost time. You got your hair did, nails perfect, and your makeup is exquisite. Ready to get you hitched?"

Ryan sucked in a breath. "Yeah. Let's get dressed."

She walked down the hall and into the room. Her dress was hanging, waiting for her. Sam had brought it over, guarding it so Dean wouldn't look at it. She wanted to surprise him. He'd groused when she picked out the pale pink bow tie for his tux, but she had known it would match her dress perfectly.

The dress was a stunner. It was the essence of feminine and not in any way, her usual style. It was silk that clung to her every curve like second skin, with no sleeves, barely a train, and completely backless. It showed as much, if not more than it covered, but it called to her. Dean would have a fit. The front was plain, just a simple bustier-style with a sweetheart neckline, but the back...what it did have on the back, made a statement. It was adorned with small straps with row upon row of pink pearls and a small bow right at the small of her back. Her hair was up in a meticulous French knot to show off her tattoo and her makeup was done just to accentuate the features of her face, making her brown eyes pop.

"You're gorgeous," she heard from behind her.

She gasped and turned. "Gabriel."

He smiled. "Hi, Mom."

She went to him and hugged him. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to come see you on your special day. I can't stay long, I just...I couldn't stay away."

"I'm glad you're here."

He smirked. "I brought you guys a wedding present. Dad has it."

"Have you seen him? How is he?"

"Are you kidding? He's floating about five inches off the ground."

She smiled at that. "Good."

"No nerves?"

She shook her head. "This is one thing, I'm one hundred percent certain about." She paused. "Can you stay?"

He shook his head. "Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey. I can't be around mini me too much. We don't need to disrupt the flow of time."

She frowned. "Okay. Are you doing alright? How does this change things for you? Are you okay? Do you have some friends? You aren't too lonely, are you?"

He chuckled and pulled her to him for another hug. "My mom. Always more worried about everyone else..."

"You're my son, and before that, you were my...companion, for lack of a better word. Of course I am worried about you. I love you. Every day I think about you and pray about you."

His smile was soft as he stated, "I know. I hear you. Thank you."

They stood in silence a moment before she said, "So...you got us a present?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It's in the sanctuary."

"Thanks, Gabriel. Are you sure you aren't too lonely?"

"Are you kidding? I'm my dad's. No trouble finding companionship."

She shot him a glare. "I wasn't asking how many women you've had, Robert Gabriel, I was asking if you were lonely. Ask your father. The two aren't mutually exclusive. And besides that, I thought you had a girl. She's going to be pissed if you're stepping out on her."

He blushed, just slightly. "I, uh, that's complicated. See, she is waiting, in this timeline, for me. And I'm waiting for her, in this timeline. We...it bonded us more if we were...uh..."

"Virgins?" she offered.

His blush turned his whole face red. "Yeah. And so, uh...since she and I have to, you know, we, uh...I, um...well..." he rubbed the back of his neck and reminded her of Dean.

She giggled. "I hate I asked."

"So, anyway, I'm busy anyway. Helping Cas, helping Crowley, working with Meg and Bela...Let me tell you, they've got some stories about Dad and Sam..."

"I bet."

"Did you know Meg possessed Sam? I must have missed that in the gospels."

She nodded. "I did know that."

"And the stuff Bela and Dad did in Hell..."

She wrinkled her nose. "That one, I suspected."

"Oh. Sorry. Anyway, so, they're the knights of Hell. And they're pretty cool chicks."

"And The Mark?" she asked as she grasped his arm, even though his sleeve was preventing her from looking at the skin there.

"Yeah. About that...I found out some more about it. My memories had been hidden away. I didn't...it took me getting The Mark, and a trip to my dear brother in the box, to figure it all out."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not. But I understand why it's up to Jon to have it. If I wasn't prepared, it could have been really bad. As it is, it isn't the best thing in the world for me, but, I'll live."

That sounded ominous. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Lucifer actually offered to take it off my hands, but I'm going to keep up with it. It's only for about twenty more years. I can handle that. It took millenia for it to mess him up."

"You're certain?"

He nodded. "I am."

"And Jonathan?"

"It's built for him. Who knew the prophecies were fixing more than just the whole apocalypse thing?"

Well, that made her feel better. She bit her lip as something occurred to her. After talking with Dean about it, she had made her decision. "Could, uh, could you do me a favor?"

He smiled again. "For you? Anything."

She she turned slightly to expose the scar marring the wing on her shoulder. "Could you remove this one? I don't need it anymore, and I'd like for it to be whole again. These," she stated as she opened her arms to show the two ropes and tattoos off, "I think I'll keep."

He nodded and she felt his large hand gently rub her skin, almost as if he were stroking the wing. "There. All done."

She turned slightly but couldn't see it. He chuckled and walked her back to her floor length mirror. "See? All better."

"Thank you, Gabriel."

"You're welcome. Now, go, the other girls will be coming to check on you soon." He hugged her one more time.

"I'm glad I got to see you today," she managed.

"Me too," he whispered as he hugged her tighter. She heard the rustle of wings, and he was gone.

"Ryan? You ready?" Andy called from the other side of the door. "I've got someone out here to see you."

Ryan opened the door and stepped outside. "Yeah. Let's do this."

"Sweet Merlin," she heard.

Ryan's eyes widened. "CHARLIE?!"

The redhead's smile was huge as she wrapped Ryan in a hug. "Dude! You're getting married!"

Ryan returned the hug with gusto. "What are you doing here? Are you back? For good? What about your adventures?!"

Charlie shrugged. "I'll tell you about that later. But as for why and how I'm here, well, let's just say I got a visit from someone who told me I needed to come back. Someone who looked suspiciously like Dean but had angel wings."

"Gabriel? Oh! You're our wedding present!"

Charlie giggled. "I guess so."

"I bet Dean is thrilled."

Charlie blushed. "Well, I'm glad to see him and Sam, too. You know they're like my brothers. And now you're like a sister!"

They hugged again and Andy tapped Ryan's shoulder. "Not to be a Debbie Downer, but we gotta do this..."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, I...I'm so glad you're here, Charlie."

"Me too." She puffed herself up slightly. "So, since I'm their unofficial sister, I have to warn you, hurt him, and I'll use the training I learned from them and from Dorothy to kick your ass."

Ryan giggled. "So noted."

They hugged once more and then Charlie ducked back into the sanctuary.

Andy fluffed out Ryan's train, handed her the bouquet of pale pink peonies and roses, wrapped in navy ribbon. Andy handed Tory hers, and they lined up. Ryan heard the music start and she smiled. When she'd told Dean the song she wanted the girls to walk down to, he'd been surprised, but he couldn't complain. It was, after all, one of his favorite bands. And the instrumental, acoustic version of "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica was gorgeous.

Of course, that wasn't the weirdest choice in music. She decided to walk down to the lullaby version of "Carry On Wayward Son" which was always her favorite song and it meant so much to her. This was a new chapter of her life finally beginning. What better way to immortalize it than with that song? It had served her so well in the past.

She stood just outside the doors as her two friends gave her a wink and began to walk down the aisle.

She sucked in a breath. She wasn't nervous, that wasn't it, but as it was, she was feeling some serious butterflies in the vicinity of her stomach. Just then, she felt a presence behind her. She turned and gasped. "Sam?! What are you doing out here? You're supposed to be up front with your brother and nephew!"

He gave her a sweet smile. "And I will be. But I..." he blew out a breath. "But you're not going down that aisle alone."

There were tears in her eyes as she managed, "Sam..."

He took the bouquet from her and sat it on the table next to them as he grasped both her hands and looked her in the eye. "I need...I need to say this, okay?"

She bit her lip and nodded as a tear fell down her cheek.

"Look, Ryan, you have no idea what you've done for me and my brother. You saved him, you saved _us_, Ryan, in every way that matters. And you made him and me a package deal, not because you had to, but because you _wanted _to. I will _never _be able to properly express what that means, what _you _mean..."

He leaned in, kissed her cheek, and wiped away the tears from her face. He handed her the bouquet and held out his arm for her. "Please, Ryan, this just...it would be an honor."

The tears were streaming down her face as she gave him a huge smile. This was what she needed. She hadn't been a part of a family in so long, even making it with the kids hadn't felt this good. She was whole in a way she had never experienced. She felt loved, protected, needed, wanted, all of it. She swallowed hard and whispered, "Okay."

She heard the first strains of the song start and she smiled up at Sam. "Come on, Sammy. We got work to do."

He let out a chuckle as he wiped a tear off his own face and inclined his head as he walked with her to the doors. She saw Cas first, standing in a priest's outfit and she had to hold in a chuckle. Tory had a thing for priests. If Cas managed to escape without her friend screwing him into oblivion tonight, she'd be surprised.

She looked around at their small group of friends. Ann had Bobby in her arms and Jody had Jon. Kris and Hope were both crying already, and then, then she saw Dean.

She gasped and her steps faltered, just slightly.

"Breathe, Ryan," Sam commanded next to her and she puffed out a breath.

"He's mine? Really?" she asked Sam.

He chuckled. "Trust me. You can have him."

She let out a throaty laugh and she noticed Dean's smile grew. They finally made their way to him and Sam kissed her hair, muttered, "You'd better look after her, Jerk," to his brother, and then he stepped back in his spot as Best Man next to Ben, who was also standing up with them.

Ryan looked into his green eyes and was just as enamored as she had been that first night, when she was eleven.

* * *

**Dean POV **

Dean's eyes didn't leave Ryan. "My God. I'm about to haul you out of here," he murmured. "That dress..." _Fuck, _he thought. She was absolutely stunning. And she was all his. That dress...it should be outlawed.

She gave him a wicked grin. "It's easy to take off, too."

"Damn it, Ryan," he growled, but then Cas was telling everyone to sit down.

They had decided against writing their own vows. She hadn't wanted Dean to feel like he had to come up with anything, especially since he was still so new at this whole 'expressing himself' thing, so they went with the standard fare, though she demanded the word 'obey' be removed from the vows. As she said, she'd be damned if she would blindly obey anyone. Dean respected that. So they would love and honor, just not obey. It worked both ways.

But Dean went off script when he motioned for the guitar next to Ben and put it on. "Dean...?" Ryan questioned.

This was a surprise he'd been keeping from her. He'd had Hope help him out a little with her angel mojo to put the words and the ability to play this song in his head. It had been so long since he'd played the guitar, but it felt right, having it in his hands. Maybe he needed to become a troubadour. That would be hilarious.

"Ryan, I...I wanted to let you know just how much I love you. Sometimes, I'm not good at showing it, still working on that, and probably will for the rest of my life. But for you? It comes so damn naturally. You give and give to me, to us, all of us. So, I just wanted to..." he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I know this is one of your favorite love songs because it reminds you of your parents and them slow dancing in the kitchen after they thought you went to bed. It's so you feel like they're here."

She couldn't seem to slow the flow of tears as he began softly strumming the guitar. He knew she would recognize the song immediately. It was "I'll Still Be Loving You" by Restless Heart. He wasn't a fan of the band, but it meant a lot to her, he knew it did.

_**Changin' my life with your love  
Has been so easy for you  
And I'm amazed every day  
And I'll need you**_

'Till all the mountains are valleys  
And every ocean is dry, my love

She gasped but he just continued to play. He meant every word of this song, he really did. Where would he be without her? He didn't want to know. He just wanted her. Forever.

_**I'll be yours  
Until the sun doesn't shine  
'Til time stands still  
Until the winds don't blow**_

When today is just a memory to me  
I know I'll still be loving  
I'll still be loving you  
I'll still be loving you

The next part was definitely true. He'd never realized what it could mean to love someone this deeply, to care this much for someone...it was amazing.

_**Never before did I know  
How loving someone could be  
Now I can see, you and me  
For a lifetime**_

Until the last moon is rising  
You'll see the love in my eyes, my love

Her smile was brighter than a thousand suns as he finished the song and she threw her arms around him, kissing him for all she was worth. He heard Cas chuckle behind him and declare them husband and wife. They were married. Holy shit.

He took off the guitar and handed it to Ben, who grinned at him and he glanced at Ryan one more time as Cas stated, "Now, it is my great pleasure to present to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Dean Winchester."

The small group went crazy clapping and yelling. Ryan had picked out some sappy ass song to walk out to, so Dean was surprised when the music started. He glanced at Ryan, whose wide eyes and head shake clued him in that it wasn't her. He glanced back at Sam, who grinned. "It's appropriate, don't you think?"

His eyes narrowed just minutely and Ryan laughed out loud. "Bitch," Dean growled in his brother's direction.

Sam just grinned. "Jerk."

Ryan was still chortling as she tugged on Dean's hand and they walked out to Foreigner's "Feels Like The First Time."

Ryan was giggling and singing along as they made it to the hallway. Dean grabbed her in his arms. "You're mine, Ryan."

"Forever," she told him as she leaned in to kiss him passionately once more.


	46. Traveling Riverside Blues

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. But boy do I wish I did!**

**AN: Hey, guys! Sorry...no excuse other than I've been hella busy. For those in the U.S. you know Thanksgiving was last week...we had over 30 people at our house! And all the cooking and kids screaming and...ugh. Anyway, my apologies a million times over! I finally was able to write a little something today, so here's hoping I can continue and get back to writing. This has been halfway proofread, so I hope there aren't too many mistakes! Love ya all! You may need to go back and re-read the last chapter since it's been so long. I hope I can post more, but it may be almost the new year before I can get back to a normal writing schedule. But feel free to message me! And the reviews always spur me on to write more! Love to each and every one of you lovely readers! MWAH! **

* * *

**Dean POV **

Ryan had decided the reception would be just one kick-ass party there at the church's fellowship hall. And it was. The wedding itself was small, just a few trusted hunters and friends had been invited. Ryan still didn't know who to trust with the knowledge of the kids' powers, and that, coupled with the fact most hunters tended to shoot first and ask questions later, led to the amount of people they trusted to be slim. Garth and his wife were there, along with the news she had a wolf bun in the oven. Dean was still trying to process that one. They had also invited Mrs. Tran, who brought Kevin along. Kevin and Hope had struck up a conversation about being a ghost. He hadn't gone topside yet, even though the doors were open. He wasn't ready to leave his mother.

Dean looked over at Ryan, who was laughing with Mrs. Tran and Charlie when Ben walked up to him. "Some party, huh?"

Ben grinned. "Yeah. You've got a good life here, Dean. Lots of cool friends. The werewolf..."

Dean winced. "Yeah, well, that one threw me for a loop, too. But he's harmless. Most of the time."

"It's cool. Maybe...maybe you had to make peace with your friend being a werewolf so you were ready when you found out your kid was a vampire."

Dean appraised him. Ben was much smarter and more mature than Dean was. He had also accepted the other kids had powers with a grain of salt. He'd freaked out minutely with the fact Jon was a demon, but when Ryan had told him there was another boy out there, around his age, part demon, who wasn't stirring up trouble, Ben accepted it better. Dean smiled. "You're smart, kid. And understanding. And loving. Your mom did a hell of a job with you."

Ben smiled at that. "Yeah. She's awesome." He glanced behind Dean and let out a low whistle. Dean turned then to see Krissy approaching wearing a pretty dress. It was rare to see Kris in anything other than jeans. Hope tended to be a bit more feminine in regards to her clothing. Kris didn't seem to care what she looked like. "Damn, Kris, you're wearin' that dress like you're doing it a favor. And you are. Believe me."

Dean's jaw set. The kid might be his, and he sure as hell acted like him half the time, but he wouldn't let Ben talk that way to Kris. He was about to open his mouth when Krissy put her hand on her hip and stared the boy down even though she had to look almost a foot up to glare at him. "Please. Like you stand a chance in hell in getting under it, Braeden."

Dean's mouth fell open as Hope came up and put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "Sorry, bro. She's out of your league."

Dean watched the two girls giggle and walk off, but not before Krissy gave Ben a little wink. He looked at Ben. "What, uh, what just happened?"

Ben smirked. "Dude. I think I'm in love."

Dean shook his head. "You do still remember that talk we had about the birds and the bees, don't you?"

Ben smiled. They'd had the sex talk during that year Dean spent with them. Lisa had been going to do it since Ben was starting to 'date' in middle school, but Dean had considered that his chance to really impress upon Ben how _not _to be a douche while dating. Hopefully some of it stuck with him. "Yes, _Dad_," Ben stated pointedly. "I remember the sex talk. I also remember how you told me it was important for you to make the chick happy. I remember all of that. And let me tell you...it works, man."

Dean put the fact Ben called him 'Dad' on the back burner for a moment as he narrowed his eyes at the boy. "Look, I know you're a lot like me. And since I know that, I feel it's important to let you know; Krissy's not some girl you can mess around with. I've taken her in. That means I love her like a daughter. And you wanna see me pissed? You mess with one of my girls. Okay?"

"Seriously? You're warning _me _away from her?"

Dean shrugged. "Just...making sure you know which way the wind is blowing, Ben. Don't be a Winchester on this one and make me choose, okay? I love her. I love you. Don't...just...tread carefully, okay?"

Ben seemed to look at him with a whole new level of respect. The boy smiled and nodded. "Yes, sir. I can respect that."

Dean smiled. "Good. Now go on over and flirt with her, just make sure you let _her _be in the lead."

"And if she leads us somewhere...salacious?"

"Then, for God's sake, make sure you have a condom on you, because I'm too young to be a grandfather, alright?"

Ben laughed out loud and clapped Dean on the back. "Don't worry, Pops. I can handle that."

Dean watched him walk off and blew out a breath. That was...frightening. Ryan walked up then and kissed him, knocking him out of his reverie. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Ben just called me 'Dad', oh, and he just happens to have the hots for Kris, who's like my daughter." He shook his head. " And I think Kris might be feeling the same."

Ryan chuckled. "Noticed that, did you?"

"And you had?"

Ryan shot him a look. "The way they've been teasing each other? Yeah. Definitely."

"I must live under a rock half the time," he commented as Ryan laced her arm through his and she led him in the direction of the table to cut the cake.

"No. You just haven't had to look for the signs as much as I have. I'm very...aware of the kids. Especially the girls."

"You've had, like, the talk with them, haven't you?"

She chortled. "Yes, Dean, I've had the talk with them."

"Both of them?"

She nodded. "And made sure they're protected."

"What does that mean?"

She shot him a look. "The pill, Dean. Kris is on the pill, alright?"

He closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose. "I don't know if I needed to know that."

She shrugged. "Well, now you do. Come on. Let's cut this cake and get the hell out of here. I need my wedding night. I didn't like sleeping without you."

"Yeah, the Bunker loses its cool factor when I have a bed and a woman to come home to instead."

She giggled. "Yeah, besides, Tory snores."

"Speaking of Tory...I saw those looks she was giving Cas during the wedding."

"What looks?"

"The ones that said she wanted to eat him with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy."

"Oh..._those _looks." She smirked. "Yeah, well, I told you she had a thing for your angel."

"I'm kind of disappointed."

"Why?"

"I was kind of a Megstiel shipper," he confessed.

She giggled. "An angel and a demon? Really?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

She just shook her head. "Thought you and Meg had bad blood."

"She came through for us in the end. It was wrong for Crowley to kill her like he did. Besides, when I was king, I must have seen something in her...I turned her into a knight. And Gabriel has, too, so...?"

"Who knows," she stated. "Come on. We'll worry about everyone else, after cake. And tonight."

He smirked. "And what do you have planned for tonight?"

She moved as close to him as she could. "You. Me. A hot tub. A bowl of homemade whipped cream. Booze. And a bed the size of Texas. You tell me...what can we get into?"

He pulled her even closer. "Well, I'm hoping to get into you. Everything else is window dressing."

"I like the way you think, Winchester."

"Yeah? Well, I like the way _you _think, Winchester."

She smiled brilliantly at that. "Ryan Winchester definitely has a nice ring to it."

He chuckled and kissed her. "Come on. Let's eat some cake. Can we take some with us for later tonight?" he asked with an eyebrow waggle.

She giggled. "I already have us a little mini-cake in the cooler."

"Just when I think I can't love you any more, you prove me wrong."

"I hope to do that for the rest of our lives," she told him.

They cut the cake, he very delicately put her piece in her mouth, she shoved his piece in his face, then licked it off of him. It was win-win. Sam had wisely chosen _not _to fuck with the Impala, only putting some balloons and streamers and a handwritten sign in the back window saying "Just Married." They ran out to the car amid a shower of bubbles people were blowing because Ryan knew Dean wouldn't want birdseed in the car.

He glanced at Ryan who moved to sit on the windowsill of the car and threw her bouquet backward. He chuckled at the expression on Andy's face as she caught it. Ryan slid back into the car and looked at him. "Let's get the hell out of here, babe. I need you naked."

He gunned the engine and tore ass out of the parking lot. As much as he loved her in that dress, and what a dress it was, he couldn't wait to get her out of it.

* * *

**Sam POV **

Sam watched his brother drive away and he smiled. "Come on, kids, let's get ready to go."

"Ben's riding with us," Hope stated as she and Kris, now both barefoot, ran past him to Krissy's jeep. Ben ran after them, his tie already undone and hanging haphazardly out of his pocket. All three of them were laughing.

"Be home by eleven!" he shouted after them before he glanced down at Bobby, who was holding his hand. "What you think, Bobby? Ready to go home?"

"I's sweepy, Unca Sam." The boy punctuated his statement with a huge yawn.

Sam snorted. "Me too, bud. Me too. Come on, let's go find Jon and then we'll head out." He glanced at Andy, who was still standing, dumbfounded, holding the bouquet. He smiled and leaned in to whisper behind her, "It won't bite, Andy. But I might if you don't hurry up."

She jumped and blinked before looking up at him. He smiled. "Tory asked me to drive you over to the house to get your stuff."

"Where is she?"

He had noticed Tory whispering to Cas. That would be...interesting, if Cas hooked up with Tory. "At the moment? I'd say she was trying to corrupt an angel."

Andy snorted. "In that case, maybe I need to hang out with you for a while. If she took him back to the house..." she trailed off and shivered. "Let's just say I've seen way too much of Tory Allard anyway. I don't need or want to see Castiel naked."

Sam chortled and motioned with his head toward the hall. "Then let's go collect Jon and head out." He walked in and found the baby asleep on Charlie's lap. "I need to get him home. You want to crash at our house or head to the bunker, Charlie?"

She smiled as she kissed the baby's head and handed him to Sam, who put him on his shoulder. "I guess I'll go to the bunker. I need a car, though..."

"We can drop you off on the way. Ryan left me the Expedition so I could get the boys home."

"You guys have a nice life here," she commented as she stood.

"And now that your back, the family is whole."

She smiled at that. "Thanks, Sam. I'm glad I'm back. It was...there was some wicked things that went on in Oz."

"You'll have to share your stories, if you want," he tacked on, noticing her expression.

She shook her head. "Sometimes, the things you have to do, aren't things you want told."

"You're preaching to the choir. My whole life is on the internet now."

She chuckled. "Well, if you find the chick that posted them, you could probably talk her into taking them down."

Sam's eyes grew round. Deal with Becky again? No way. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

She chuckled. "So, I don't have any clothes, I have literally nothing to my name..."

He smiled. "Ryan has spare clothes in Dean's room at the bunker. Rummage around in there. As far as having nothing to your name...we're always needing help in the bunker. How would you feel about being a Woman of Letters, full time?"

Her eyes grew wide. "That would be bitchin'!"

He nodded. "Sold. We'll have to get you inked, you know."

"Inked?"

Andy pulled the top of her dress slightly and turned so Charlie could see the Aquarian star on the shoulder opposite her anti-possession sigil. "Yep. We probably need to get her warded, too, don't we?"

"I didn't think of that. Yeah, you'll need to get the anti-possession sigil as well. There's a lot you don't know yet, Charlie."

"Oh boy. Do I want to know?"

"Probably not."

"Well, good then. Let's do it." Sam glanced around at all their friends milling about, getting ready to leave, and he smiled.

"What's got you smiley, Winchester?" Andy asked him.

He shook his head, grin still in place. "I'm just happy, you know? It's...it's awesome, this whole thing."

"Good. Glad you think so."

"You don't?"

She shrugged. "I just...I'm jealous," she admitted as she walked over to pick up Jon's diaper bag.

"Of Ryan?"

"Yeah. I mean, not that I want Dean. Damn. Nope, not touching that one with a ten foot pole. But I just...yeah, she's got the kids, the husband..." Andy's hand came up to rub Jon's chubby cheek, touching Sam's shoulder in the process. "I just kind of want that. I never really thought about it before. Yanking demons out of people was enough, you know? But now..."

He nodded. "I always wanted it, but over the years, I realized I couldn't have it."

"And now?"

He smiled and reached for her hand. "Come on. Let's go get these kids to bed."

They drove Charlie to the bunker and after giving her directions to get to the house for breakfast in the morning, and instructions to drive over one of the cars in the garage, headed home.

Both boys were asleep when they arrived, so Sam got Bobby and Andy got Jon. He noticed the jeep was still missing and made a mental note to text the girls after they got the boys down for the night. The two adults moved in sync as they got the boys ready. Sam knelt in front of the bed and sat Bobby on it. He got the boy out of his dress clothes and into his pajamas, taking care to make sure he put a Pull-Up on Bobby just in case he had an accident in the night. He was doing great with this whole potty thing, but accidents did happen. He managed to get the boy's limp form into the bed, under the covers, and Blue in his arms before he turned to look at Andy.

She was doing the same with the sleeping baby. At seven months, Jon was eating solid foods and nursing just at night. Ryan had nursed him before they left the reception. He didn't drink out of a bottle, though. He only drank out of a sippy cup. He hated the bottle and refused it after about three months. It had made babysitting him interesting for a while before they found a good sippy cup he would take.

Sam watched Andy as she lovingly changed the boy and slipped him into a fresh diaper and pajamas before she picked him up, kissed him, and laid him in his bed with his brown sock monkey. Sam stood and walked over to rub a hand down Jon's back. The boy was determined to sleep on his stomach, just like Bobby. "Goodnight, bud," he whispered before he walked to the door to join Andy. "Want a nightcap?" he asked her.

She nodded with a soft smile. "Yeah. Just...let me change clothes first?"

He glanced down at his dress shirt and tuxedo pants. He'd shucked his jacket off before they'd even gotten in the car, and rolled his sleeves up for good measure. He had been sweating in the warm summer night air. "Yeah. That's not a bad idea."

"Good. I'm eager to get in my pajamas. See you downstairs in a bit." Her clothes were in Dean and Ryan's room, he assumed, because that's where she went.

He hurried down the two flights of stairs and changed as well, slipping into a tee and a pair of pajama pants. He texted the kids, and got an immediate reply from Hope, who said they were at the diner and were paying now. He sent back a 'be careful' text and was sitting, checking his email at the table when Andy walked back down the stairs.

She chuckled.

"What?" he asked as he looked at her and his mouth went dry. She was in pajamas, too, but they didn't leave much to the imagination. Capri pants and the little tank with lace on it made him blink and attempt to will his libido down. He knew Andy would one day be his. But until she saw it, he wasn't going to push. No matter what.

"Do you have to wear plaid, even when you sleep?" she teased as she looked at his pants.

He shot her a look. "Ha, ha, ha. I'll have you know I usually don't sleep in anything."

Her eyes grew a bit rounder and she swallowed hard. "Good, uh, good to know."

He smirked. "What'll you have to drink?"

"Tequila?"

Sam nodded and stood. "You want me to mix you something or you wanna drink it straight?"

"Oh, I'll just drink it straight. No need to make me anything special. Let me just snag one of Ryan's lemons and some salt. Let's do some shooters."

He grabbed the tequila and two shot glasses before returning to the table where she had grabbed a knife, a lemon, and the salt. He poured two shots and held his up for inspection. "You know, I'm not big on tequila."

She snorted as she examined her own glass. "It's my go-to. Me and Ariel had one wild week in Cancun our senior year of high school. Our parents took us. They thought we were such good girls. If only they knew what we did after they went to bed..." She was quiet a moment before she downed the alcohol, licked the salt from her wrist, then sucked the lemon slice, before she looked up at him. "She got pregnant, that week. She and I, we were wasted and she hooked up with this guy..."

Sam felt it, felt her pain as it seemed to lance through her, just by the look on her face. "What happened?"

"She had an abortion. I went with her, held her hand, cried... We, _she_ was never the same. We graduated and she needed...something. She needed redemption, I think. Our parents weren't overly religious, but they were pro-lifers and had instilled that in us. But she didn't see a way out of it. I mean, the guy, she didn't even remember his name, you know? And our dad, who Ariel was really close to, he would have killed her if he thought she was anything other than little miss perfect. I was always the screw up. They knew that. I mean, if it had been me, they'd have been disappointed, but not surprised, you know? The sad thing is, they'd have blamed me for her getting pregnant. And they'd have been right."

He couldn't help himself as he reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "It wasn't your fault."

She shook her head as a tear leaked out. "It was. If I hadn't talked her into going out and partying that week, she wouldn't have gotten knocked up. Then, she wouldn't have destroyed herself. It's all my fault."

He squeezed her hand tighter. "Andy, listen to me. It is _not _your fault. You weren't her. She could have stopped. She could have decided to own up to it, she could have...there are a lot of different options besides the way she chose to handle it. She could have gotten counseling, she could have trusted you and opened up to you."

She squeezed his hand back and didn't let go as she poured herself another drink. "Yeah, well, she didn't, so..."

"Do you want me to have Cas look for you? In Heaven? See if she's...see if she's happy?"

Her eyes grew wide. "He can _do_ that?"

Sam shrugged. "He's an angel. I've yet to find anything he can't do, for the most part."

"I...that would be great, Sam. Thanks."

He nodded. "My pleasure."

She sniffled and looked at him. "Come on, let's not talk about this crap. I don't need to go there. What do you want to talk about?"

He shrugged and took a hit of his drink, wincing as the flavor hit him. He did as she had, forgoing the salt, (which would have meant letting go of her hand) to suck on a wedge of lemon. "I don't know. We could do twenty questions."

She giggled. "As long as there isn't a dare of alcohol involved. I'm not strong enough to put you to bed if you're drunk."

He felt his cheeks warm slightly at that. "I'm not usually such a cheap drunk. But the booze, the pot brownies...it was a lot. And then Ryan..." He scrunched his nose. "I don't handle vomit well."

She chuckled. "Obviously."

"So, twenty questions?"

She nodded. "I'll go first. Favorite book and why."

"Isn't that two questions?"

She shot him a look. "No. It's question one; part A and part B. Come on, counselor, you should know that."

"I didn't actually take any law classes, you know."

"But you're smart enough, I'm sure you could probably be a lawyer now if you wanted to."

He sighed and shook his head. It had been a long time since he'd thought about being a lawyer. And then, with Amelia, when he thought Dean was dead, at peace...well, it was just something to do, just a way to fill the time. He knew it was a pipe dream. And truly, once he got his head on straight, he knew he couldn't go back to being a civilian. He was neck deep in this war between good and evil. He couldn't have stayed out if he'd wanted to. And he didn't want to. There was a part of him that craved it. He could admit that to himself. "Being a lawyer...it's too mundane now. I couldn't go back to that life if I wanted to."

They were both quite a moment and Andy downed another drink. She seemed to be working herself up to something before finally, she asked softly, "Did you love her?"

"Who?"

"The girl in college."

His brow furrowed. "Jessica?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I read the books. I shouldn't have..."

He squeezed her hand again. He realized he hadn't let go, even if she obviously hadn't. "Nah, that's fine." He blew out a breath. "Yeah, I loved her. I thought she was the love of my life."

"But...?" Andy breathed.

"But I think she was _a_ love, not _the_ love. Does that make sense?"

She licked her lips and leaned forward. "I think it makes a lot of sense."

"Do you really want the whole trope? Kids? Marriage?" he asked.

"More with each passing day," she admitted softly, biting her lip after the confession.

"Me too," he told her honestly.

"Sam..."

"Andy..."

Just then, they heard footsteps on the porch and they realized how close they were to one another. Both sat back and took a generous gulp of their drinks. Sam cleared his throat just as Kris, Ben, and Hope walked in. "Just in time, guys," he glanced at the clock, which read 10:59.

"Wait until I get my wings, I'll poof us home," Hope stated.

"Not if you've been drinking," Krissy warned. "I don't wanna end up in Timbuktu or somewhere."

Sam's eyebrow rose. "You three haven't been drinking, have you? Because the last time I checked, none of you were of age."

They smiled. "Just milkshakes at the diner, if that counts," Ben told him.

He shot them a glare. He didn't know Ben real well, but he knew the kid was Dean made over. Nature versus nurture won again. Winchester genes were thick and stubborn as hell.

"I swear, Uncle Sam," Hope told him. "No alcohol."

He nodded. "Okay. I'll attempt to believe you."

The girl zeroed in on the fact Andy was sitting there. "What are you doing here, Aunt Andy? Not that I mind..."

"I had to come get my clothes and Sam asked me to join him for a nightcap."

"Oh. Cool. You ought to just spend the night. Kris and I are cooking for everyone in the morning before we start out."

"That's nice."

Hope shrugged. "See you in the morning."

A chorus of goodnight rang around the foyer before the three made their way softly up the stairs, being mindful of the sleeping boys.

Sam glanced back at Andy, who was looking at him shyly. "Oh, hey, I forgot...you wanted that book on lycanthropy, right?"

She nodded.

"It's downstairs in my room. Let me go get it."

She smiled. "Thanks. Nothing like reading about werewolves and their history to put me to sleep."

He chuckled and stood. "I'll be right back." He walked out of the kitchen and down the hall before heading down the stairs to the basement. He walked to his desk and picked up the book. He turned around and she was standing at the foot of the stairs. "Nice place. I've not been down here before."

His mouth went dry again as he realized two things. One, she was here, in his bedroom. And two, the small tank top she had on showed the fact she wasn't wearing a bra because he could see the faint outline of her nipples through her shirt.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, it's a nice place. I was weird about it in the beginning, but Ryan, well, you know Ryan. She doesn't take no for an answer. She didn't want me staying at the bunker alone."

Andy smiled. "She's so thoughtful that way. She's right. That bunker is fine, but it's not a home."

He had told Dean that since they'd found the place, but at the time, it was their home, or at least, it was the best they could do with what they had to work with, in any case. "I agree. "

She walked in, her fingers trailing over a few things before she went and sat on his bed. "The book?"

"Right here," he stated as he held it up. "So, you can, you know, read it or whatever."

She smiled and patted his bed. "Can we talk some more?"

"S-Sure. Absolutely. About what?"

She shrugged and crossed her legs as she propped back on her elbows. "I don't know. Anything. Nothing. I'm not sleepy and I don't...I don't want to be alone for some reason."

He sat the book back down, sent out a warning toward his cock not to make an ass out of him, walked over and sat next to her. "I know what you mean. I feel like that sometimes."

"What do you do?"

He sighed. "Just...get over it, I guess."

She sat up then and turned to face him. "What are we doing?"

He shook his head. "What do you want to be doing?"

She licked her lips. "I don't...I don't know."

He smiled. "Honesty. I like that."

Her eyes narrowed as she sized him up. "I want you, Sam. And I'm afraid of that."

More honesty. Well, if she was admitting her desires, he'd own up to his as well. "I want you, too, Andy. More than you know. And I want you to know, it's you." His hand itched to touch her, so, he did. He put his hand to her temple and rubbed it into her hair. "I don't see her, Andy. Haven't, for months."

"You've only known me two months."

"That's all it took. One look at you and I realized, you weren't her." He curled his hand slightly to cup her face. "I want you, Andy. I want your brain and I want your body. I want your dreams and I want your fears. Everything. I want everything. And that scares the shit out of me."

She put both hands on his face a she leaned in. "Sam..."

"Andrea..."

She closed the distance between them and kissed him tenderly before the switch flipped in his brain and he picked her up so she could straddle his waist. His hands roamed her, similar to Ruby, yet different, and he marveled at that. This wasn't Ruby. This was Andy. And she wanted him, too.

"Sam," she whined as her nails now dug into his shoulders.

"Andy..." he panted as his mouth began devouring her, first her lips, then her neck, then he attached himself to the hollow of her collarbone.

He felt her fingers at his shirt hem and he lifted his arms for her to take it off before he did the same with hers.

She whimpered as he took her breasts in his hands and his mouth moved south slightly to lave attention to both of her nipples, first one, then the other. He felt her hands pulling his hair and he let out an almost animalistic snarl.

She pulled away to stand and he was afraid he had frightened her, but she just smirked at him and slid her pants down her legs before she climbed back onto his lap, pushing him, so he was laying on the bed. He could feel her wet heat through his pants and his cock almost ached with need. He grabbed her and flipped them so she was under him. They kissed long and hard, groping, panting, making out like two teenagers for what seemed like forever and his hand went south as he reached nirvana. He thrust two fingers into her and she cried out as she began riding them, thrusting her hips, trying to reach the point of no return.

He kissed down, down, down her body until his mouth began moving with his fingers, laving attention to her sex and she wrapped her legs around his neck as she grabbed his hair, pulling him further into her. He felt her clenching around his fingers and he lapped up every bit of her release before he pulled away.

He looked at her, flushed and relaxed on his bed and he realized, he needed to see this every damn day for the rest of his life. Needed it like the air he breathed.

He pushed his pants down his legs and stalked back up the bed until he covered her small frame. "Last chance to back out," he replied as their fingers laced.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and he felt her, right _there _causing him to almost whimper in need. "Never, Sam. I'm not backing out of this. I'm running headlong into the fire."

"Me too," he told her as he thrust, connecting them.

* * *

It took him coming down from the high and almost falling asleep before it occurred to him... "Fuck!"

"Wha...?" she replied sleepily.

"We didn't...shit. I didn't use a condom."

She smiled lazily as she lifted her head from his chest. "S'okay. I'm on the pill. You're a virgin. And it's been so long since I had sex, I'm practically rehymenated."

He snorted at that and kissed her. "God help me, I love you." Her eyes widened as she looked at him and he realized what he said. "Shit. I..."

She shook her head and put a finger over his lips. "I, uh...I've never felt love, so I don't have a point of reference. But I think I love you, too."

He smiled. That was good enough.

* * *

**Dean POV **

Dean woke up with an angel next to him. Not literally, because most angels, besides his best friend and his kid, were douchebags. But sometimes it seemed like Ryan was what his ideal image of an angel was. Should have been. Whatever.

He smiled and pushed her hair out of her face as she slept. She was his. All his. Forever. It felt like, finally, they could start their lives for real. Not that they hadn't been living the real life already, but this just made it...it was different in a way he couldn't explain.

Those beautiful brown eyes opened and she smiled at him. "You're a creeper," she stated sleepily.

"Can't help it. A man that has a wife as beautiful as you is entitled to stare as long as he wants."

Her lip quirked. "Is that a fact?"

He nodded.

She gave him a little push and sat on him. "Well, in that case, I feel the need to sit right here and let you worship me, peasant."

He looked up at her, hair in a tangle, sleep lines on her face, and he felt that overwhelming feeling again. His life was never this good. This happy. Hadn't been since he was four years old. But he needed her. And he needed this. And he'd go to the ends of the earth to keep it.

But he didn't want to get bogged down by all the shit that had happened in the past. She was here. Now. A tangible reminder of how good he had it. And he was gonna ride this good as long as he could. So he grabbed her hips and flipped them.

She let out a little "Oh!" of surprise but giggled as his mouth began traveling all over her. "You're insatiable, Dean."

His head popped up and he looked at her, at the mirth filling her eyes. "You say that like you're surprised, Ryan."

She shook her head and bit her lip as she smiled. "Not in the least. Besides, I wouldn't want you any other way."

* * *

Once they checked out, Ryan grabbed her backpack which had all the multiple lists in it. "I still can't believe we are taking three teenagers and two boys under the age of five on vacation. And a car trip, to boot. We're either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid," she mused as she read over a paper.

He shrugged as he headed toward home. "Personally, I'd like to go with brave, but I have the feeling stupid is more our M.O."

She chuckled. "Oh well. Oh! I gotta stop by the bunker. I want to pick up my spare machete."

His eyebrow rose. "Babe. One, you loaded like, half the weapons in the back of Tory's van after you made her clean the damn thing out. And two, we're going on vacation. Not hunting."

Her nose wrinkled and wiggled. "I, uh, I may have been trolling around on the internet a few days ago. I, uh, I may have happened upon a hunt at the beach..."

His grin slowly slid across his face. "Seriously? Damn. You're awesome."

She grinned as well. "I'm not sure. There's only been one body. But if it's a case, I want to be prepared."

He sobered. "But we're taking the kids..."

She put a hand on his arm. "Dean. Between us, there are six skilled hunters, one hunter-slash-angel in training, a baby with demon powers manifesting, and a toddler angel. Trust me. We can keep them safe."

He sucked in a breath and blew it out. "This goes against almost every damn thing John Winchester taught me."

She shrugged. "The family that hunts together stays together."

"I'm pretty sure that's not how the saying goes."

"You contradicting me, oh husband of mine?" she teased. "Don't you know the wife is always right?"

"Usually right. Not always," he countered.

She thought about that a moment, then smiled. "Fine. I'll give you that one. But seriously, we'll be fine."

"Okay. But as long as we're going by the bunker, I want to pick up a few shotguns, just in case. Ben knows how to use one of them, and the least he can do is shoot something with rock salt to slow it down."

She bit her lip in thought. He knew that look. She was trying _not _to say something. And that shit just wouldn't fly. He needed her to be able to tell him anything. Now, more than ever. "What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"No. It's something. What."

She sighed. "I just...don't you think...I mean, he's in the family now, Dean."

_What does that have to do with anything? _"Yeah? And?"

She held in the grimace, but just barely. He saw her lips curl at the edges. "And I think you should consider giving him some training."

He felt the shift to annoyance. They'd discussed this, hadn't they? And if they hadn't, she'd read the gospels. She knew his feelings on the subject. "Ryan..." he warned.

"Look, I know Lisa doesn't want him in the life. You don't want him in the life. But the fact of the matter is, he's in it. It's up to him to decide if he wants in, not you. He's practically an adult."

"Well until he is an adult, I'm not going to do it."

"So, you'll leave him vulnerable?"

_How could she think..._"What? No! Of course not!"

"Then you refuse to train him?"

"Yes! He's not going to be a hunter!" he stated adamantly.

"Why? Is that such a bad thing?"

"I'd like for him to live past forty!"

Her eyes narrowed. "News flash, babe, _you_ are almost forty."

"I'm thirty-six, damn it. That is NOT close to forty!"

She shot him a look. "I understand where you're coming from, Dean, but treating hunting like it's beneath him only belittles him. If Ben wants to be a hunter, like his father, his grandfather, and who the fuck knows before him, guess what? He's gonna be one and damn the consequences. He's Winchester stubborn and you know it."

His jaw set. "Your point being?"

She sighed. "Look at it this way; here's Ben, coming into this family, already on the outskirts. He's teetering on the edge. Don't you think welcoming him with open arms instead of holding him at arm's length is the way to go here?"

He sighed out a breath as well. "Why are we having this argument now?"

"Because, it's important."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Ryan..." he warned again. She was hiding something. He could all but smell it in the air. She either had a memory surface, or she'd done something.

She bit her lip.

"Spill it," he demanded lightly. "No secrets, right? No lies?"

She sighed again. "Lisa called me, alright?" she stated softly.

His brows furrowed. "What?"

Ryan nodded. "She called me last week, the day after you two left her house. She had a doctor's appointment that morning. It went bad. Really bad. He doesn't...he doesn't think she has much longer. She wanted me to swear to do whatever it took to keep Ben safe and happy."

Dean's jaw clenched. "She could have told me. Called me or something..."

Ryan shook her head. "This...it's not about you and her, Dean. It's from one mother to the other. It's from his mother, to the one that will be his mother's fill-in for the rest of his life." She sucked in a breath and he could hear her trying not to cry. "I don't want to take her place, but I will have to step in to fill the shoes she's leaving behind. She and I had some stuff we needed to discuss. And I'm honored she talked to me about everything."

"So...what? What's going to happen from here?"

She bit her lip. "I, uh, I didn't want to do this today."

"Well, cat's out of the bag now, babe." His mind started going over a myriad of situations. What could they have talked about? What did this mean for everyone?

She sighed. "With her health declining, I asked her to move down here."

"What?" He wasn't angry, just surprised.

She nodded. "I told her I wanted to be the one to care for her. Me and Ben."

"Why?"

Her brows furrowed. "Why? You're seriously asking me why?"

"You gotta admit, it's strange, Ryan."

"I owe her, Dean!" she cried. "I owe her for taking you in and piecing you back together. I owe her for loving you when you didn't have anyone else. I owe her, okay? So, I told her I wanted to be the one..." She sucked in a breath. "Gina's sister is a nurse. She's going to help us make Lisa comfortable for those last few days, weeks, whatever. Lisa's getting everything together while Ben's gone. She's renting a house down here and selling theirs. She wants Ben to start at Lebanon High with Hope and Kris in the fall. She wants him to get his life established here, so when she leaves..."

"You two have this all planned out?" he asked, incredulous.

She nodded.

"And you didn't tell me because...?"

"We didn't want to ruin the time you and Ben have together, father and son. She feels bad for not telling you the truth during the time you lived with them. She admitted, if you had known, it may have changed your decision. She wished it would have. She loves you, Dean. And you love her. Not that it detracts from us," she added on quickly, "But there is love there. As it should be."

"Ryan..."

Her voice held a challenge as she demanded, "Tell me I'm wrong to do this for her. After she's given so much?"

He sighed. "You know I can't. And your damn heart is just too fucking big, babe."

She shrugged. "It's the right thing to do."

"You're one of the best people I know," he told her.

She shook her head as she looked down at her lap. "I'm not. But thank you."

He turned onto the dirt road for the bunker and smiled at her. "Sure. My ex and my wife. Best friends. Nope. That's not weird."

She giggled and leaned over to kiss him. "Thank you, Dean, for understanding."

"Ben's not gonna be happy with you two planning his future for him."

She nodded. "Yes he will. Because he loves his mom as much, if not more, than you do yours. He'd do anything for her."

That hit him hard. He wasn't sure why he hadn't equated the love, but she was right. And he wanted Ben to do whatever for his mom. And if that included her, both of them, moving to Lebanon, he was cool with that. "Where are they going to live? Not with us..."

She snorted. "We aren't sister-wives, Dean. Sorry. You don't get to double-dip."

He chuckled. "Trust me. I wasn't thinking it. I appreciate my balls too much to give you ammo with which to cut them off, thank you very much."

She patted his shoulder. "Good man. Come on. Let's get our gear and head on. I'm eager to get on the road."

They walked down the steps and into the war room. Ryan's brows furrowed. "Does it...does it smell funny in here?"

He sniffed the air. "I...yeah? Kind of? What is that? Incense or some shit?"

Just then they heard a scream and they both moved in unison, pulling guns from their sides and stalking down the hallway toward the storage room and the dungeon beyond. "What's in there?" Ryan whispered.

"And who caught it?" Dean added.

"And what are they doing to it?" Ryan's brow furrowed. "Everyone was at the wedding until late last night..."

He shrugged as they made it to the storage room door. They exchanged a look and he mouthed, "One, two, THREE!" and they burst into the room.

"Fuck! My eyes!" Dean shouted as he turned quickly, but it was too late. The image was burned into his brain...Cas...in chains. Covered in...damn. Was that honey? And lipstick prints? And Tory...in full Domme gear, leather. A fuckton of leather, but at the same time, not nearly enough to cover her up. And a riding crop.

He refused to open his eyes, even when Ryan giggled. "Tor...can I speak to you outside?" She paused, then, "Cas? You okay?"

When he didn't answer, Dean peeked through almost closed eyes and he heard Tory state, "You may answer, pet."

Dean felt nausea rolling. Shit. To think of one of the most powerful beings he knew, and one of his best friends to boot, doing _that _was about to make him lose his breakfast.

"I am...more than fine, Ryan," Cas answered calmly in his usual, stiff manner. "Thank you for your concern."

"Can we leave?" Dean managed through clenched teeth.

He glanced at Ryan who grabbed Tory by the ear and pulled her out into the hallway. "Ouch! Damn it, Ryan!"

Once they were standing in the hallway, and Ryan had wisely shut the door behind her, she rounded on Tory. "What the hell, Tory?"

Tory shrugged. "What?"

"You and Cas? Like that?!"

Tory smirked. "I knew he'd be the best little sub. Oh! Did you see the chains? You know how we have demon chains? Well, these are angel chains. They've got Enochian symbols on them. Cas and I made them last night."

"Hold up," Dean found himself asking. "You mean, you two actually talked about it, made the stuff, and then got on it?"

Tory nodded. "Well, I mean, we started with vanilla sex over at the house. Then when Andy didn't come home, I made Cas go find her. He said she was fine at your house, so then I wanted to...experiment. We talked about what he was good with, his safe word, all that jazz..."

Ryan just shook her head. "I just...I don't...I can't even. Nope. Not about this. I'm...my brain is dead. Sorry. Can't do it."

Tory giggled. "Trust me. He's cool with it. You know me, Ryan. I'd never hurt him. I really care about him."

"You two have been together like, eight hours, Tor."

Tory shook her head. "I don't need any more than that, Ryan. He and I talked long and hard last night, too. He searched my name. I don't have a soul mate. He found it odd, but I told him maybe I was destined for him. He kind of didn't know what to do with that."

"You do realize his sexual experience is one, right?" Dean reminded her. "Not just one person, but one _time_."

She smiled. "Yeah? Well, I'm now two through five, and hoping to work my way to ten by the time the day is out."

"So, I take it Cas is going on vacation with us?" Ryan asked.

Tory nodded. "If it's okay?"

Ryan thought a moment. "Yeah. I'll have to see if Andy can bunk with the girls, I guess. Hope can sleep in the bed with Kris. She won't be happy, but that way you and Cas can have a room to yourself."

"Thanks, Ryan! I'm not done here. I'll lock up later and we'll be on our way tonight. Have Sam drive the bus. Cas can poof me over to where you're staying for the night, okay?"

Ryan gave her a half-incredulous look and just shook her head. "Sure. That's fine."

Dean sent Tory a glare. "So...do I need to warn you not to hurt him, or...?"

Tory smiled at that and punched Dean on the arm. "Trust me, I'll look after him, Dean. I swear it."

He knew they'd hook up, Gabriel had given him that memory on purpose, but that didn't mean Dean had expected it to happen this way. "This is...this is weird. You know that, right?"

She shrugged. "It feels right to me. And to him, I think. I'm not deluded enough to think this is gonna be some kind of lasting thing. I mean, he's got wings, you know? But for now...well, I'll just ride it out as long as it'll go."

That was one thing Dean could respect.

"Victoria!" Cas called out in warning.

She smiled. "He's struggling. I love it when they struggle. See ya." She turned and walked through the door. They heard her shout, "Did I say you could move? Did I say you could speak?!"

They heard the slap of leather against flesh and Dean shivered. "I so did not need to know that about Cas."

Ryan looked at him and giggled. "Come on. Let's go check on everyone at home."

"Yeah. Andy slept there? What's up with that?"

She grinned. "Maybe your brother grew a set."

His mouth fell open. "You think _everyone _had sex last night?"

She giggled. "I sure as hell hope so. We've had some serious UST going on around here."

He chuckled at that. "Sam is a walking case of sexual frustration, has been for years."

She smirked. "Maybe Andy helped him with that."

"Is..." He blew out a breath. "Do you think this is a good thing?"

She nodded. "I think it's the best."

He trusted her, implicitly, as much as he trusted Sam. So, if she thought it was fine, well, he would go with that. "Okay then. Let's go. I'm eager to see the munchkins."

She smiled and gave him a kiss. "I love you, Dean. And I love our crazy ass family."

"Me too," he told her. "Me too."

When they got to the house, everyone was cleaning up from breakfast and packing up last minute things. Dean glanced at Andy, who was holding Jon and he walked over to snag his boy from her. He kissed Jon's neck and the baby giggled. Dean smiled and looked at Andy. "Hey, And...you got something on your neck..." His eyes narrowed and he muttered, "Holy shit. Did you and Sam..."

Her eyes grew wide. "Dean..."

He smiled. "Well, were you successful in my brother's stick-ectomy or do we need to take him in for a surgical procedure to get it removed from his ass?"

"Ha, ha, fuck you," Sam growled on his way out to the car with his duffel bag.

Dean grabbed Sam's shoulder and looked at the two of them. "This...it..." he blew out a breath. "Look, I want you happy, Sam. Seriously. And Andy...I like ya. So, for what it's worth? You got my blessing."

"That isn't worth much," Andy growled as she crossed her arms. Then a smile played at her lips. "But it's appreciated."

He batted his eyelashes at her teasingly and she rolled her eyes. "Give me that baby back and you help your wife pack the car."

He handed Jon back over to Andy and watched her a moment as she carried the baby around, talking to him. And just like that, he was taken back to a memory...Andy holding a baby, Sam doting on it. Their kid. He gasped and felt his heart dip a moment before it beat double. "Holy shit," he repeated before he went to find Ryan.

She was in their room, putting some last minute things into her bag. "Sam and Andy had sex last night."

Ryan snorted. "I know."

"How the hell do you know that already? I only found out because I saw the hickeys firsthand."

She smirked. "First off, good for them, second off, I've got ESP, and third? Andy cornered me as soon as we walked in. Oh, and fourth?" She smiled. "Well, never mind. You don't need to know that."

His mouth fell open. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Not gonna tell."

His eyes narrowed. "Ryan..." he warned.

She giggled. "Let's just say I've learned more about Sam than I wanted to."

His eyes widened. "She shared, like, sex stuff with you? Do you do that with her?!"

"God, no. Well, maybe. Occasionally."

He shook his head. "You're freaks."

Her mouth quirked. "Just wait until I talk to Tory..."

He held up both hands and felt the disgust on his face. "Ugh. No. Please don't."

She chortled as she picked up her bag. "Come on, Winchester, aren't you just a little curious?"

"Truthfully, no."

Her eyebrow shot up. "I believe thou doth protesteth too much."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, Shakespeare, that's enough." She just cackled as she walked out the door and down the stairs. "Freak," he murmured again.

Once everyone had gotten all their gear downstairs, and it was distributed to the three vehicles, they all climbed in. Dean and Ryan took the Expedition with the two boys, Sam and Andy took Tory's VW, and Krissy, Ben, and Hope piled into Krissy's jeep. Dean glanced at the backseat where Bobby was playing on his iPad and Jon was chewing on a rattle. "We're guano, aren't we?"

Ryan slipped her sunglasses up her nose, flipped on the CD player to AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" and smirked at him. "Yep. But that's okay, at least we're all together."

He smiled and put his own sunglasses on. "Let's do this."

* * *

**The Car Trip – Day One (Sunday)**

They did fine for a while, then Bobby got bored. And when Bobby got bored, Gabriel came out to irritate the piss out of everyone. Dean was driving now. Ryan was sleeping, having dozed off while reading a book, and Jon had gone to sleep, too. Dean glared back into the child-mirror to look at his son. "Bobby, stop kicking my seat."

The boy just glared at him. And kicked the seat again.

"Robert Gabriel," Dean warned.

The boy kicked the damn seat again!

"Damn it, Bobby, stop it!"

"No! No! Stop! Stop dis fing!"

"No, Bobby, we're going to drive just a little longer, then we're going to stop. Play with your trains, okay, bud?"

Bobby seemed to contemplate that for a moment. He picked up the train from the cupholder of his booster seat. Dean heard him making sounds with it and he smiled. Maybe this car trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

That was when he glanced back there and saw...the toy train cars floating. "Bobby!"

The boy jumped and one of the train cars dropped. And fell onto Jon, who immediately started to cry. A glance at the mirror in the mirror that was aimed at Jon showed that the baby had put his thumb in his mouth and was comforting himself, so that was good.

"Damn it, Bobby! Stop!"

Instead of stopping, he began zooming the train cars around the vehicle with angel grace, magic, whatever the fuck he was channeling. It was when the train cars started hitting Dean in the head, he yelled, "Robert Gabriel Winchester, if you don't stop, I'm going to pull this car over, haul you outta that seat, and spank your little angel butt."

They stared at one another in the mirror before Dean caught the movement just as one of those fucking wooden cars rammed into the back of his head.

"Goddamn it," Dean muttered. "Fucking STOP IT!"

"NO!" Bobby screamed.

"If I stop this car, your butt is walking to the damn beach!"

The boy just stuck his tongue out at Dean...and hit him with the fucking train car him him once more.

"That's it," Dean growled. He whipped the car to the side of the road, turned around at an incredibly awkward angle, and glared at Bobby. "Get out."

"Daddy..."

"Get out. You can't ride with us. Maybe Uncle Sam will take pity on you, but I'm tired of it. You're not riding with me. You're being disrespectful to your mom, who is sleeping, to Jon, who you hurt, oh, and me. Now, I love ya to hell and back, buddy, but you can't hit me just because you're bored. We're almost there. And I know you understand more than your basic four year old, so I know you're picking up what I'm putting down. So, suck it up, soldier. We're almost there, and when we hit the motel for the night, I'll buy you the biggest chocolate bar the store has. But not. If. You. Continue. This. Tantrum. Feel me?"

The boy swallowed, wide eyed, and nodded. "Yes, Daddy. I feewe ya."

Dean smiled and winked at the boy. "Alright then. Now, you wanna listen to music?"

"Yes! Da Dwagons, Daddy!"

Dean made a mental note to kill his daughter, later, for getting the boy hooked on Imagine Dragons, but complied as he flipped Ryan's iPod, which was connected to the car, to the band and Bobby eagerly sang along with "Radioactive."

"You handled that pretty well, Mr. Winchester," Ryan stated softly from the passenger seat.

Dean just shrugged and gave her a soft smile. He might not get dad of the year, but he was better at it than his own dad, and that spoke volumes. "Thanks," he replied.

* * *

**The Car Trip – Day Two (Monday)**

"Hey! Ryan! You want something?!" Ben called as he stood from the jeep and stretched. They'd been on the road for four hours already that morning. Ryan was pushing for them to make it another hour at least before they stopped for lunch, but Bobby needed to pee, prompting them to snack, then drive for two more hours before lunch.

"Yeah, thanks!" Ryan called back as she cleaned up the space around where Bobby had been sitting as Dean hauled Jon out of his seat. Just because the kid didn't walk, didn't mean the boy didn't need to get out of his seat. Plus, he drank a bottle full of milk, and juice, so his diaper was more than a little wet. "Just bring me a snack. Whatever. I'll eat anything expect liquorice or Whoppers."

"How can you not eat liquorice?" Ben wondered aloud as he threw his arm around Hope's shoulder and they walked into the store.

Ryan rolled her eyes as she grabbed Bobby's hand and helped him down to the ground. "Do you think Ben realizes how much like you he is?"

Dean just grinned.

He was putting Jon back in his seat after a fresh diaper when Ryan and Bobby returned from the bathroom. "Ry! Here!" Ben called as he tossed a bag toward her. She caught it deftly and grinned as she looked down at the bag. "Thanks, Ben. Combos are my favorite road trip food. How'd you know? Hope tell you?"

The boy looked confused for a moment. "I...I don't know how I knew that. I just knew they were your favorite. And Skittles are your favorite candy, right?"

Ryan smiled and nodded. "Yeah. They are."

"How do I know that?"

Ryan shrugged. "Deja Vu. It's cool, Ben."

He blinked and shook his head before he climbed into the jeep.

Ryan buckled Bobby in then went to the driver's seat. It was her turn. Dean snagged her a soda from the cooler and grinned as he sat in the passenger seat. "At least we aren't the only ones affected by the deja vu thing."

She glanced at the jeep with the teenagers in it and nodded. "It's weird, but it's cool enough, I guess."

Dean had to agree. It was strange. But, then, strange was kind of their M.O. wasn't it?

* * *

That night, Dean let out a growl as he walked out and looked in the room. To save money, they were all shoved into as few hotel rooms as possible. And that made it complicated for him to get any...attention. "I still don't understand why we gotta have a sausage fest," he growled. He also didn't know why Bobby had to sleep with him. The kid was all feet. And Dean swore the kid fought a thousand wars while he was asleep. Dean had woken up with bruises and in a sweat that morning after their first night in a motel. Bruises from being kicked repeatedly, then in a sweat because Bobby was always cold and wanted to be right under Dean to stay warm.

Ben grinned from his place on the pull-out sofa bed. He, Sam, Bobby, and Dean were sharing a room. Hope and Kris were bunking with Ryan, Jon, and Andy. "Well, it could always be worse."

"I'm on my honeymoon, dude. How much worse could it be?"

Ben stopped to think about that a moment. "No. I take it back. This is hell for you."

"You're so kind, wise ass."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Dean rolled his eyes but walked over to answer it. It was Ryan. In very little clothing. "Hey," she whispered.

He blinked and smiled. "Hey."

"Can I talk to you?"

Afraid she'd heard him bitching, and had come to rip him a new one, he took in a breath, nodded, and stepped outside. "This is tough," he told her honestly.

"If you don't fuck me right this minute, I'm having divorce papers drawn up," she stated flatly.

His mouth fell open. "Well, hell, here I thought you were gonna bitch at me for bitching about not being with you."

She snagged his hand and all but shoved it into her pants as she pushed him against the wall.

"Whoa, easy," he commanded as he gave her a little rub, pleased to feel how damp her pajama shorts were. "You want to? I'm game. Where?"

"The car?" she panted as she kissed him for all she was worth.

"With the car seats, the front's gonna be the best place."

"That works," she growled as she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the vehicle.

They padded barefoot across the parking lot and he was all smiles as he opened the door. He motioned her in but she shook her head. "You first."

His eyebrow shot up, but he complied. He'd already dressed in a pair of sleep pants and a tee, so that was one thing in his favor. He was half-hard, but when she climbed in and sat on his lap, well, that was all the encouragement he needed.

She reached next to them and put the seat back as far as it would go, reclining him. His hands moved all over her as she slipped his pants down just slightly so she could reach him. Her mouth was on his and she breathed, "I want to suck you so bad, but if I don't get you inside of me, I'm going to explode."

He wasn't one to argue with that. He was thankful her sleep shorts had wide legs. He slid the legs up just slightly, pulled her panties to the side and slid home.

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she groaned long and hard as she began rocking her hips. He wrapped his arms around her, keeping her as close to him as he could. It wasn't the best angle, but he needed her in his arms. "Fuck, Ryan, so fucking...I love you," he murmured in her ear. She moved her head and their eyes caught. They stared at one another as he pumped and she thrust. He felt the buildup start. "This ain't gonna last long."

She continued to hold his gaze as she smiled. "That's okay with me."

"You close?" he asked.

She blinked, but still, her eyes stayed on his as she nodded. "Yeah. Almost..."

He didn't relinquish his grip on her as he continued to move and he felt her, that shift that always told him she was almost there. He slowed his pace and she whimpered. He kept her there, right at the edge for just a moment before he felt his control slipping. "Shit..." he growled.

"Come, baby," she purred.

That was all it took for him to see stars. He felt her clenching him and he knew she was coming as well as he held her all the tighter as he came.

She moved her head, just slightly, breaking his gaze so she could lay her head on his chest and he felt her small hands inching their way around to his back.

They lay like that, he wasn't sure how long before she giggled and lifted her head. "That was awesome."

He grinned. "Well, I do enjoy the seats in this bad boy."

She bit her lip as she sat up and reached behind her into the glove box for the wipes they kept there. She slithered over to the driver's seat and blew out a breath. "Damn. I need my keys. It's hot as Hell in here."

He snorted as he sat his seat up and fixed his pants. "Not quite, but pretty damn close."

She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut before she shook her head. "I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me."

His eyebrow shot up. "Seriously? Ry, it's fine. It's an expression. Didn't bother me in the least."

"You sure?" she asked softly.

"Hey," he began as he leaned over the center console. "It's fine, Ry. I swear. That shit's long over. And, besides, if I can't joke about my stint in Hell, how else will I get over it?"

She seemed to think about that a moment. "You know, we're some fucked up individuals, Dean."

He nodded. "Yep. That's why we're perfect for each other."

She smiled then and leaned in to give him a soft kiss on his lips as her hand touched his cheek. "I love you, Dean Winchester. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

He chuckled. "I somehow doubt that, but thank you. I love you, Ryan Winchester. And I _know _you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

They sat a few moments more, just enjoying the silence, before they both got out and he walked her to her door. "I feel like a damn teenager," he told her.

She giggled. "Is that what this feels like? I feel like I'm going to get caught by my dad or something."

He smiled and kissed her once more. "See you in the morning."

"See you in the morning, Dean."

He watched her lock her door, listened for the slight 'snick' that told him she'd slid the deadbolt home before he walked back to his door. He knocked and was let in by Sam, who had a knowing smile on his face. "Feel better?"

"Bite me, bitch," Dean retorted.

Sam laughed. "Alright, jerk, I see she improved your mood tremendously."

He just walked over to the bed where Bobby was already sacked out and slid under the covers. "As a matter of fact, she did."

Ben's nose wrinkled from where he was sitting on the pull-out sofa, reading. "Ugh. I don't wanna know."

"Sex is a beautiful thing, Benjamin. Even better when it's with someone you love."

"You've turned into a chick, Dean," the boy shot back.

Dean grinned. "Yeah, well, I got laid, so, you're not going to hear anymore complaints from me tonight."

"I'll remember that. Next time you're acting like a whiny brat, I'll make sure to tell Ryan to give you some."

Dean chuckled. "Thanks. You're too kind." He glanced over at Bobby and smiled. The kid wasn't the bed mate he wanted, but he was still pretty damn happy to have the little shit next to him.

* * *

**The Car Trip – Day Three (Tuesday)**

"Are we there yet?" Bobby whined. This was it, the last leg of their journey. It hadn't been a horrible trip, but Dean had definitely had better. The trip could have gone quicker as well, but Ryan wanted them to enjoy their time on the road instead of hurrying to the destination. And Dean was okay with that. He'd never been on a vacation with his kids before. He learned a lot about parenting in the last few days, but now, they'd finally arrived.

Ryan grinned as a tall bridge came into view. "Yes! We are! Now we've just got to find the house."

"Yay! I wanna pway in the sand and go swim in the ocean and do fun stuffs!"

"I heard there were a lot of sharks at the beach this year, so you won't be swimming in the ocean too much, okay?"

"Okay! But I's can scare away the sharks!" Bobby let out a growl like a dinosaur and Ryan chuckled.

"Yeah, well, we'll see. They may be scared of you anyway, angel boy."

The little guy just grinned.

"Think the house will be big enough?" Dean wondered aloud. They'd rented a house about an hour north of Myrtle Beach. Ryan had decided she didn't want to be where it was so crowded, so they'd found this place. And it was awesome, he could tell, just by driving through the town. It was on a small island just on the other side of the border, in North Carolina. They could still head down to the crowds if they wanted to, but they could just chill out and be themselves here.

Ryan nodded. "It should be. It's a two story with five bedrooms. Ben will have to decide if he wants to bunk with the little guys since he and Sam won't be sharing a room, but other than that, everyone has a bed."

"How big is the place? Five bedrooms you said? Wow"

"It's huge. And it's got some awesome features, too."

He just looked at her in awe. How she managed to plan the wedding and this vacation was incredible. "You're amazing. I can't believe you found us a giant beach house."

She shrugged and flipped on her turn signal. "It should be just a few miles ahead."

It was unbelievable. It looked like a few of the other houses around, though it was evident this one was the biggest. Everyone piled out of the cars and began talking excitedly as they made their way out of the vehicles. "Rules!" Ryan shouted. They all turned to look at her. "The master bedroom is mine and Dean's. The rest of you..." She gave them all a wicked grin as she turned the key and swung the door open, "Go duke it out."

There was a mad scramble and giggles from the women and girls as they hurried to find their rooms. Ryan stood back and leaned against Dean, who was holding Jon. "This is going to be an awesome vacation," she stated.

He couldn't agree more.

* * *

A few hours later found them all off doing their own thing. Everyone needed to stretch their legs after such a long trip. Hope, Kris, and Ben had gone to the small swim shop on the corner to look around and to check out the town, Ryan had taken the boys for a walk on the beach, and Tory and Andy had gone to grab some liquor at the ABC Store for the grown ups while Sam did some research on a case and Dean prepped dinner.

"I think I could get used to this," Dean managed as he sipped on a beer on the deck.

"It is...quite restful," Cas stated. He and Tory had popped up that morning and she had ridden with Dean and Ryan for the day while Cas popped upstairs. It was evident he liked having his wings back.

Dean's eyebrow rose. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you, man."

"Here we go," Sam said from across the deck. He was researching for the MOL. Charlie was back at the bunker and was helping out, learning the way they were networking. They'd invited her to come, but she had decided to hang back. Dean had the feeling she'd seen some really horrible shit in Oz. So he could understand her desire to be alone and safe in the bunker.

Dean flipped the burger on the grill and glared at his brother before he turned his sights back on the angel. "So...I take it things are going good with you and Tor?"

Cas smiled and gave a little sigh. Dean had never seen the angel like this before. It was...very interesting. "Victoria Allard is amazing, Dean. She's unlike any human I've come across."

Dean snorted at that. "You can say that again."

Castiel's eyes narrowed on him. "That does not sound like a good thing when you say it that way."

Dean held up a hand. "Look, far be it for me to say anything disparaging about your pet human. I just..." he shrugged. "Nothing. Good on ya, pizza man."

Cas smiled again. "I understood that reference."

Dean snorted again and took another sip of his beer. "So, now that you've got a taste for human, do you have a taste for food? Because these burgers are gonna be kick ass."

Cas eyed the meat speculatively. "I'm afraid I'll pass. I remember how wonderful a cheeseburger tastes and I can't bear the thoughts of ruining that memory."

Dean chortled. "I feel ya on that one, man. I feel ya." He glanced from Sam to Cas and murmured, "Look, it's weird, but, if, you know, you need to talk or shit, about any of this, this thing with Tory, just, ah, just let me know, okay?"

Castiel blinked and then inclined his head. "That is...very generous of you, Dean. I will consider it. After all, you have a vast knowledge of sexual experience."

Dean's eyebrow popped up. "You calling me a man-whore?"

Cas seemed to contemplate that a moment. "Well, by definition, a whore is someone who accepts money for sexual favors. And I know there was that time when you were eighteen..."

"Okay, that's it," Dean growled, shoving Cas into the wall. "That shit is sealed for good, man. I don't know how the hell you know that..."

Castiel's eyes grew wide. "I know everything about you, Dean. That...time in your life does not make you less of a person to me. It wouldn't to anyone else, either."

"Enough," Dean growled through his teeth.

"Whoa! Whoa! Ease up!" Sam shouted as he put his hands between the two men to separate them. "Dean, chill."

Dean rolled his shoulders and neck before going back over to the grill, downing the rest of his beer. "I need something stronger. You wanna go get me something, Sam? I know Andy's got a bottle of tequila in her bag like a good little alcoholic."

Sam bristled slightly but remained silent. Andy and Dean were the same creature. He knew she had booze. He had some, too, but the whiskey had run out after the body shots he'd done off Ryan in the back seat of the Expedition after everyone had gone to bed at the motel that first night. He'd dropped her at her room more than a little tipsy. Andy had given him a look, prompting him to give her the rest of the bottle as payment for putting up with a giggly Ryan.

"I'm dying, man. Please? I'll buy her some more."

Sam glanced between the other two and Castiel stated, "I am an angel, Sam. He and I will be fine."

Sam hesitated for another moment before he walked away and into the house, shutting the door behind him.

Dean turned to look out over the beach to the ocean. "That shit needs to stay buried, Cas."

"Sam truly has no idea what you've done for him, does he?"

"I've done what I've had to do. Time and again. Hell, isn't that the Winchester motto?"

"I thought that was "Saving People, Hunting Things..."

Dean chuckled flatly at that. "Yeah, that one, too." He glanced at the angel, who was once more invading his personal space, causing Dean to take an automatic step back with all the memories surfacing and swirling around him. "Look, Cas, I guess...it never occurred to me, you know more about me than anyone else."

Cas nodded.

"And that's just...it's weird, okay? Not bad, just...weird. I mean, you pulled me out of Hell in the middle of me torturing some poor soul, literally. I mean...when I think back on that day..."

"You remember it?" Castiel's tone held slight surprise.

"Not fondly, but I remember it. I remember every moment in Hell, Cas. And I remember you busting in that room. You didn't look like you do in this...like you do now, but I remember. You were all light and bright and I fought you. I remember fighting you."

Cas nodded. "You fought me until I managed to wrap my arms around you and bind you. I burned what demon was in you out as I lifted you up to your body."

"D'you ever get the feeling we, I mean, me, Sam, Ryan, hell, even Andy, we were meant to be demons?"

Castiel was quiet a moment as he thought. "I believe your destiny is your choice. I believe everyone is capable of being a demon. Whether by choice or by some other power. It is human nature. I also believe everyone is capable of being good. Demon isn't a catch-all for bad. The two words aren't synonymous. It's quite possible angels are just as bad, if not worse than demons."

Dean snorted at that. "Most of them, yeah."

"But I am just as guilty as the others. The only reason I've not been put to death for my transgressions is because Heaven knows you and your family would shun the angels and the prophecies, just to spite them."

"Damn straight."

"I do not feel right about that, Dean, but it is my only choice. I believe I am being given a second chance here, just as you are."

Dean smiled at that as he saw Ryan walking on the beach, Jon in a carrier on her front, Bobby walking along side her, looking for shells. "Well, I guess we both need to send up some thanks to your dad then."

Castiel was quiet a moment more. "Your faith has grown, Dean."

"In no small part because of you, Cas. I didn't believe in angels, until one believed in me."

Cas smiled at that. "We are lucky individuals, Dean Winchester. I believe you, Sam, and I were put together for a specific reason."

Dean nodded. "Yep, I think so, too. And Ryan's belief that destiny follows free will? Well, that just makes it all make sense. Sort of."

Cas appraised him. "You have grown as well, Dean."

Dean chortled. "And that is in no small part thanks to Ryan."

"She is good for you."

Dean watched her as she began walking back toward the house. "Yeah, she is. I'm lucky, man. So fucking lucky."

"I will protect her and your children to the end of my own life, Dean."

Dean clapped him on the back. "I believe you, Cas. I believe you."

"Those burgers about done, Winchester?" Ryan called as she walked up the steps, taking time to kneel down to brush the sand from Bobby's butt and knees. Apparently the boy had sat and rolled around in his quest for seashells.

"Almost." He knelt down to Bobby's level. "What'd you find, little man?"

"Wook, Daddy! I finds wots of shells!" He held out the little canvas bag Ryan had brought for him, and sure enough, there were a handful of shells inside.

"Whoa. Nice haul, dude."

"He was very selective of the ones he wanted," Ryan told them as she pulled Jon from his pack on her chest. "I need to take him in and wash him up." She handed the baby to Cas, who took him almost in surprise. She smiled at the angel. "Don't burn all his demon out, okay? Gabe says he needs it for The Mark."

Cas nodded as he looked at the boy, who was regarding him with solemn green eyes. "It is as if he knows we should be on opposite sides of a war."

Dean snorted as he handed the shell bag back to Bobby. "Tell that to Gabriel. I guess they're besties, like me and Sam."

Cas nodded. "As you and Sam were supposed to be on opposite sides of the battle. Yet your familial bond prevented war."

"Love, man," Ryan stated. "Love's always the answer."

Dean rolled his eyes and popped her ass before he hauled her to him for a searing kiss. "You're such a hippie."

She giggled and bit his lip. "But you loooove me," she sing-songed as she pulled away and took Bobby's hand. "Come on, Bob. You need to wash up for Daddy's cheeseburgers."

"Yay! I luffs Daddy's cheesebuggers!"

Dean watched them walk in the house and gave the meat another flip. He glanced at Cas, who was cooing slightly as he bounced the baby in his arms. "You're a natural."

"I want to find Claire."

Dean blinked. "Huh?"

"Claire. Jimmy's daughter. I...want to find her, to...let her know how sorry I am for everything. I was foolish when I took over this vessel. I didn't handle things as I should have. I didn't...I buried his sacrifice to cover my own guilt. He gave up his life for his daughter and I feel as if I've abused that. I want to see her, to...explain myself."

"Why now, man?"

"I see what you have and I...I am envious, Dean. I can not father children, it is forbidden. But I have a connection to a child. I would like to make amends."

"You know the odds of her forgiving you for any of that shit is slim-to-none, right? I mean, you took possession of her, I'm sure, promising you'd protect her dad, then him making that deal to stay strapped to you, then you taking him over, and just up and leaving didn't endear you to her. Then you got him killed."

Cas winced and Dean shrugged. "Look, I don't want to sugar coat this for you, man. I just want to make you see...the reunion you're looking for, you ain't gonna find."

"I do not seek anything in particular, Dean. I am merely looking to..."

"To absolve your guilt. I feel ya, man, I do. I just don't know if you're gonna get it."

"I must try."

Dean nodded "Then, you need to."

"I am afraid of how the reception will be."

Dean thought a moment. "Look, when I went to see Ben, I was scared shitless. But, Ryan reminded me, I needed to do it, for me, and for him. So I get it. But if you let this go on and fester, well, it'll only make it worse if you do end up meeting. So, I say go for it. Go for it and expect the worst. Then, if something better happens, you'll be ready."

"I had contemplated taking Victoria with me."

Dean's eyebrow popped. "Taking the chick to meet the family already? Wow."

"It is...not like that."

"Sure it isn't. Well, go for it, Cas. Seriously. The worst thing that could happen is she doesn't want anything to do with you. The best? You get yourself a daughter."

Cas smiled again. "A daughter. That would be..."

Dean smiled at that and clapped a hand on the angel's shoulder. "I know, right? It's overwhelmingly awesome. Trust me."

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Two (Wednesday)**

Dean was whistling as he stirred the pan full of eggs. He'd never felt so damned relaxed. "Dude. Are you seriously whistling a "Theory of a Deadman" song?" Ben asked from the couch. Unfortunately, his options had been sleep on the couch, or in the bedroom with the little boys. He'd opted for the couch. Dean didn't blame him. Bobby, like his mother, talked in his sleep occasionally.

"Blame your sister," Dean growled with a teasing tone.

Ben snorted as he stood and stretched. "Man, that smells delicious. Sorry, I was wiped. Was I snoring?"

"No, but you were drooling," Dean told him.

"Shit."

"Language," Dean reminded him.

Ben shot him a look. "Hello, Pot, my name's Kettle. How the hell are you?"

Dean guffawed at that. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright. But if Bob starts cussing, I'm blaming you."

"Try it. Ryan knows what's up."

Dean brandished his spatula at him. "You gonna continue to talk smack, or are you gonna help?"

"I'll help. Let me drain the lizard, then I'll be right back."

"Wash your damn hands," Dean commanded as he pulled the pan of bacon out of the oven. He'd found the perfect recipe for cooking bacon in the oven. It got Sam off his back somewhat because the fat drained off, and it was really crispy and it kept an awesome taste.

"I thought you brought home the bacon and _I _fried it up?" Ryan asked as she walked in and wrapped her arms around his waist and placed a kiss to his cotton clad back.

He shrugged and turned in her arms so he could wrap his arms around her in return. "I don't know, I think we both bring it home and fry it up, don't you?"

She smiled at that. "I knew you were a feminist."

"You know it. Doesn't mean I don't want to protect girls, because most girls don't know how to fight. That's not sexism, it's a sad damn fact of life."

She stood on tiptoe to kiss him. "I love you, Dean Winchester. You're a real life Disney prince."

He shook his head. "I'm not. I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing."

She smirked at that and gave him a little howl that got his motor running. She kissed the corner of his mouth and brushed a hand against his hardening cock before she pulled away as Ben reappeared. She sent him a wink. "I'm off to take a shower. I think the little boys are up."

Dean clenched his jaw. "This isn't over, Mrs. Winchester."

She sent him another smirk. "Oh, I'm counting on it."

He watched her walk away, leaning slightly around the countertop until she was out of sight.

"Dude. You got it bad."

Dean looked at his son. "Ben, I hope one day you find a chick that drives you just batshit crazy. Because, man, I tell ya, that's a kind of guano you want."

Ben smiled at that. "I'm happy for you, Dean. Really."

"Me too, Ben. Me too." He glanced at the boy, then around to see the rest of the house seemed pretty quiet. "Say, what, uh, what would you say about living in Kansas? I mean, you got serious friends you'd hate to leave behind or something?"

Ben thought a moment, then shook his head. "Nah. I mean, I got friends, but none that just...none I'm overly attached to."

"Girls?"

At that, Ben smiled. "More than one, but none that would cause me stress over leaving. Why?"

"I just..." Dean shrugged.

"Mom's getting worse. You're trying to prep me for living with you. That's what these weeks are for, right?"

Dean shook his head. "We wanted you here, Ben. You fit. Surprisingly well, actually. But, it's gonna happen. You're a senior this year. We just want you to be happy, settled..."

Ben thought a moment before he swallowed hard and Dean didn't have to look hard to see tears in the boy's eyes. "She's going to die, Dean. Soon. I just...I don't know how I'm gonna handle it."

Dean reached out and put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "You just do. Look at it this way; it wasn't a monster. I mean, it is, because cancer? I think it's worse than all the monsters I've ever faced down. Except maybe Abaddon...she was a wicked bitch. And Satan. Those two...may be worse than cancer. And Metatron. I mean, the bastard killed me. Fucking douche..." he trailed off as he saw the amused smile on Ben's face. "But seriously, illnesses are fucked up, Ben. And it's not fair."

Ben seemed to take that in. "Do you think Mom will wind up, I mean...shes a good person, you know? Do you think..."

Dean knew what Ben was trying to ask. "She's definitely slated to head upstairs, Ben. I mean, come on, if I stand a chance at it, your mom? She's definitely headed north."

Ben thought a moment before he asked softly, "Do you think they're happy up there?"

Dean nodded. "I think, when a person has peace, dies with peace, down here, they're very happy up there."

"And the ones that don't have peace?"

Dean smiled. "I'd like to think they get another shot. I mean, do you know how many times I've died, Ben? I'm obviously not done yet. So, I'm still here."

"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're here. And I'm glad I'm here with you, Dad."

Dean's smile grew. "Now that's something I could probably get used to."

Ben's eyebrow went up infinitesimally. "I'm trying it on for size."

"And?"

Ben smiled. "And it fits pretty good."

Dean tried to remain aloof when his heart was hammering in his chest. "Whatever, it's cool. I just want you comfortable."

"Thanks, seriously," Ben told him as he stole a piece of bacon.

* * *

After breakfast and the massive cleanup that was involved with feeding eleven people, Dean cast a wary glance at Ryan. "Swimming? Really?"

She adjusted the strap on her bathing suit, a rather modest two piece that showed off just the right amount of skin, in his opinion. Of course, he would have paid money to see her in a string bikini thong, but he knew Ryan was a bit more...modest in that area, especially since she had to run around after Bobby. Her theory was, if she could run in it, and not have anything fall out, then it was respectable enough for a mother. He just wanted to lick every available inch of skin. "Yes, Dean. We are at the beach. Besides, with Hope and Cas here, they're sending out, like, a protective net or whatever in the water, keeping the sharks away. The perks of having angels in our pockets."

"But...there are sharks and jellyfish and God knows what else in that water. What if one gets around the hoo-doo Cas and Hope are gonna do?"

Sam came out of his room just then, in board shorts and flip flops. "Seriously? You're afraid of the ocean?"

Dean's eyes grew wide. "When have I _ever _had the opportunity to be in the damn ocean? I went to the beach _once _and let me tell you, my happy ass didn't get out of jeans and a flannel shirt!"

"That's because you're a wuss," Ben told him as he came up as well.

Dean's eyes narrowed. "You made fun of me then, Ben, and you make fun of me now. But you won't be laughing when I have to wrestle you away from a shark or pee on you because you got stung by a jellyfish!"

Ryan's brows furrowed. "I'm pretty sure the pee thing is a myth..."

"See?! I don't even know how to handle a jellyfish sting!"

"Dad. Chill. We've got not one, but TWO angels currently in residence," Hope told him as she approached.

He glanced at his daughter...and all argument over the fucking ocean went out of his head. "What are you wearing?!"

Her eyebrow popped in a perfect imitation of her mother. "A...bathing suit?"

"Uh, no. That's not a bathing suit. It's two pieces of dental floss and a bandage. I've worn more dressings after a wendigo hunt. March your happy little ass back in your room and change."

"Mom!" she shouted at the same time Ryan shook her head and muttered, "Dean..."

"No. She's not wearing that. I can...she's got..."

"Boobs, Dad. They're called boobs. I'm a fucking girl!" she shouted.

"Whoa. Language, Hope Deanna," Ryan warned.

Hope crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the hardwood floor. "Tell me you're not siding with him on this one, Mom!"

He looked at Ryan, who was trying and failing not to smile. "Hope, you gotta cut him some slack on this one. I know your angel grace is aging your vessel, but your dad is flipping out here, okay?"

He didn't know how it had happened, but his eleven year old daughter had the body of an eighteen year old. And NOT in a good way. "Seriously, Ryan?"

Ryan shrugged her shoulders. "Dean, I've had to buy her a whole new wardrobe. She's growing at a rate that isn't exactly normal here. She's in high school. And she's an angel."

"She's a baby."

"Oh my stars. I'm not a baby!" Hope shouted, but neither of her parents paid attention to her.

"Look, Dean, you can either accept this, or sit in the house and pout. The bathing suit is modest by comparison to other girls her age that are as...developed as she is! It's got a high waist and it has enough fabric to cover everything on top. You know how I am about that kind of stuff. She's not showing off anything more than Krissy."

"Krissy _is _a high school student, and she's old enough!"

"Thanks, Dean," Kris said as she stepped out, having heard her name.

Dean's jaw ticked. Krissy's bathing suit was _much _more revealing. He couldn't believe a girl that usually wore jeans was wearing that little. Her top had a ruffle covering her breasts. And that was about it. "Kris..."

"Damn, K," Ben muttered.

She winked at him and Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to win this argument, am I?"

His two girls looked at him and both shook their heads.

He sighed. "Fine."

"Yay!" Hope yipped. "Let's go. I want in the water. Pronto!" He watched her dash out of the house, Kris and Ben following quickly behind her.

"I don't want her this grown up," Dean stated sadly.

Ryan gave him a half a smile and touched his face with her hand. "Hey, I'm sorry, babe. But she's not a little girl. Not anymore."

"How did this happen this fast?"

Ryan sighed. "Even normal girls can age this quickly, Dean. It's not supernatural. Some girls just have a growth spurt. Hers just involved..."

"Breasts. I'm not handling this well. And she's...and now...and you..."

Ryan chuckled and kissed him tenderly. "I don't like it, either. But we can't keep her locked in a tower. She's an angel, not Rapunzel. And she was already locked away in a tower once, up in Heaven. Let's let her be free, okay?"

"What if she takes that freedom and..."

Ryan shrugged. "We'll burn that bridge when we get there. Come on. Let's go enjoy the sand and water with the boys, okay? Jon's trying to walk, Bobby's eager to build a sandcastle, let's go have fun."

He sighed. "Okay. Let's go have fun. But if I see any little douchebags sniffing around my baby girl..."

"You have my permission to scare them off."

He smiled at that. "Thank you."

She chortled. "You're welcome."

* * *

They had gotten themselves situated on towels and chairs under a few umbrellas when Dean glanced toward the house and started laughing. And couldn't stop. "Cas. Really?"

Castiel looked down at his swim trunks. "Is this not appropriate attire for swimming? I'm quite excited, actually. I have never been in the ocean before."

"You should be thanking me, Dean," Tory told him as she walked up. "I had contemplated putting him in a speedo. Have you seen his body? Yes and please."

"No, and thank God you didn't. We don't need any banana hammocks, Tor. This is a family beach."

"Prude," she shot back at him. She pulled off her dress to reveal a killer bikini.

Dean let out a whistle. "Damn, Allard. Remind me why we never had sex?"

Castiel's head, which had been down, looking at the sand castle Bobby and Ryan were constructing, whipped up to Dean and Dean was surprised to see the angel glaring at him. Dean's mouth quirked. "Wow, Cas. Jealousy? Damn. Who knew. I was just merely...complimenting Allard on her body. That ain't a crime."

Still, the angel's narrowed gaze stayed on him even as he said, "Ryan, you look particularly lovely in that swim suit. Your body is that of a Greek Goddess. You are the embodiment of virility and fertility."

"Uh...thanks? But I'm really not interested in you two whipping your cocks out right now, okay? So stow them and get over it."

At that, Castiel's brows furrowed. "What?"

Tory laughed. "You and Dean. You both got hot women. You can both appreciate looking as long as you don't touch. Hell, look at Andy if you want. I do."

Cas blinked. "You are such an odd creature, Victoria Allard."

She smirked. "I know. Now come on, let's go get wet before, well, we get wet..." She tugged him toward the surf and Dean just shook his head.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"I'm just trying to decide if Tory's gonna be good for him or corrupt him completely."

Ryan glanced at the two. Cas was tentatively letting the water brush against his feet. "I'm pretty sure he was corrupted the second he raised you out of Hell, sugar. This is his reward."

Dean laughed as he sat down next to her on the towel and picked up Jon, who was trying to crawl away. "His reward for embracing the hedonism?"

She shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

Dean watched a moment more. Cas had his head thrown back laughing. Dean had never seen the angel look like this. Happy. Content. "Why the hell not?" he repeated. He wanted his friend to be happy. They were all happy. How weird was that?

* * *

It was an hour or so later when Dean noticed them. A group of guys that looked to be about Ben's age, nudging and winking at each other as Hope was bent over helping Bobby put a straw in his juice pouch. "Hope."

She looked up at him. "Yes, Daddy?"

_You don't want a fuss, Winchester. They're just looking. Not touching. Besides, Hope's grace is growing. She could snap them in half without having to touch them. _He shook his head. "Nothing. Love you, pumpkin."

She gave him a brilliant smile. "Love you, too." She handed the pouch to Bobby then grabbed a soda. "Man. This is awesome. I know why Mom loves the beach so much now." Ryan had taken Jon in for his morning nap.

"Yeah. It's not bad."

"I'm gonna go walk to the pier. Ben and Kris walked over there already. Can I have a few dollars? I want to walk out to the edge. Okay?"

He nodded and grabbed a few bills from the beach bag Ryan had brought out earlier. "Sure, kid. Just be careful."

"Of the pier?"

"No, of that group of roosters crowing over there."

She glanced up and he saw her eyes narrow. "Thanks, Daddy. I'll watch out."

He sucked in a breath. "Okay. I trust you."

Her eyes whipped back to him and she smiled again before she hugged him, getting some sand and water on him. "Hey!" he called, causing her to giggle. She kissed his cheek then dashed away toward the pier, but not, he noticed, before she snagged up Tory's little cover-up dress to put on. _Smart girl, _he mused as she walked past the group of guys with her head held high. They didn't make any comments that would cause him to have to go over there and bust any heads, so he turned his attention to Bobby. "Listen, I know you're a little guy, but when that angel juice really starts flowing, and your sister brings a guy home? You have my permission to give him as much shit as you can, alright?"

The boy looked up at him with huge hazel eyes. "Okay, Daddy. I's can mess with Hopey's boyfriends?"

Dean nodded. "Especially if you catch them kissing."

"Ewww! Okay."

Dean chortled. "Let's get to work on constructing the wall for this side of the castle." The boy had built a few castles but then enjoyed stomping them like Godzilla once they were built. He got so caught up in having Bobby's Batman toy fight off The Joker that he didn't notice Hope coming back right away. But his head snapped up when he heard, "Hey, baby! Come on! Come visit with us."

Dean's eyes narrowed as he saw those dicks surrounding his little girl. He was about to stand up and go over there when he heard, "Hey! Putz! Get away from my sister!"

Dean watched as Kris and Ben approached the group of guys. Kris snagged Hope's arm and Ben stepped in front of the two girls.

"This sweet little thing was about to join us."

Ben's eyebrow shot up. "Is that so? Hope, did you want to go join these...find upstanding citizens?"

"Not really," she stated calmly. Coldly.

Ben smiled. "See? She doesn't want to hang out with you. She'd rather hang out with me and her best friend."

"She says that now. But she really wanted to chill with us a bit."

Ben's smile turned cold and Dean saw himself on the boy's face. "Is that a fact? Well, let me tell you something. Not that she needs defending, because she can bend you like a pretzel with one hand tied behind her back, but she's underage. And not just a little bit. She's a tween, dickwad. So, unless you're into kiddie porn? I suggest you move your nasty asses along. Because if she doesn't kill you, I damn well might. And you don't want to piss off any Winchesters. We fuck you up like nobody's business. Don't let my pretty face and my mild-mannered looks fool you. Look me in the eye and see if I'm lying."

Dean smirked as the leader of the group looked down at Ben at least five inches. And whatever he saw had him leaning back ever so slightly. He cleared his throat and told his buddies, "Come on, guys. Nothing but kids and crap at this beach. Let's go see if we can find some hotties."

Ben waited for the jerks to leave before Dean watched him sag ever so slightly and turn to Hope. "Look, I know you can fight your own battles, angel supreme, Ryan's daughter, ass kicker that you are, but..."

The rest of his words were cut off as Hope threw herself at Ben, hugging him tightly. "That was the sweetest thing, Ben! Thank you! You defended me like I was your real sister!"

Ben smiled. "News flash, munchkin. You _are _my real sister."

"She's right, that was pretty awesome, Ben. I mean, you really stood up for her."

Ben shrugged. "You two could probably beat those guys up better than me. You're both trained fighters. Me, I'm just...like, 95 percent crap, but at least I am intimidating enough to get the job done."

Hope hugged him again. "You're Winchester material, Benjamin Isaac Braeden."

He laughed at that. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Dean watched them walk back into the water and he was still smiling as Ryan reappeared at his side with a now wide-awake Jon. "What'd I miss?"

Dean just shook his head. "Those three kids are awesome." He glanced at her a moment before taking Jon from her. "And so are these two."

"You're awesome," she murmured as she sat and gave Bobby a hug.

"I can't believe this is my life, Ryan. I don't get good stuff."

She thought a moment. "Maybe we both needed a lifetime of bad to really appreciate all the good."

"Well, I'm appreciating the hell out of it."

"Good. Now, who's hungry for sandwiches?"

"Me!" Bobby shouted as he dusted off his hands. She chuckled and began dolling out sandwiches from the small cooler she'd brought out with her.

* * *

The day was winding down when Sam came and plopped his ass on Ryan's towel. She'd taken the little boys in for a bath. It was her, Tory, and Andy's turn to cook dinner, so she was making the little ones stay inside to watch a movie while they fixed spaghetti and meatballs. Hope, Krissy, and Ben had ridden down to Myrtle Beach, and while Dean was a little concerned about them heading down to the busy area by themselves, Ryan had scoffed and reminded him they knew how to handle themselves.

He all but searched them to make sure they didn't have any fake ID's on them, then begrudgingly wished them a fun evening. Hope was acting more like a teenager and less like a child with each passing day and it was tugging at his heartstrings. He knew being with the older kids was good for her, but it wasn't giving him the warm and fuzzies. He hated to admit, he kind of wanted to do all the things daddies did with little girls. But, instead, he got the boys, and he certainly couldn't argue with that.

He glanced at his brother, who handed him a cold beer. "What's up? They kick you outta the house?"

Sam nodded. "They said something about too many penises. I didn't want anymore information than that. Tory apparently sent Cas to check on whatever he needs to check on upstairs, and Bobby conked out on the sofa about five minutes into Paw Patrol. Andy even forbade me to do any research."

Dean smiled and chuckled a bit at that. "Well, good. You work too damn hard, man."

"Yeah, well, after that vampire wasn't a vampire, Ryan said she didn't want to know if there were any hunts around here. She wanted to enjoy her vacation." He paused, then added, "I don't fault her logic."

Dean wasn't sure he agreed, but he took a sip of his beer as he looked out at the water. "I don't think I've ever been this peaceful, man."

Sam nodded. "I know what you mean. How the hell did this happen?"

"Gabriel. Man, I guess we owed him some slack, huh?"

"Speak for yourself. I love Bobby, but the old Gabriel? He was a major dick."

"So am I. You love me," Dean countered.

Sam appraised him before he snorted. "Yeah. Good point. But seriously, he had some dick moves."

"He was just trying to do the best he could with what he had to work with. Hell, I understand that better than most. You probably do, too."

"Doesn't make it right, Dean. I'll love Bobby even when he starts remembering who he is, but what he did to me...that scarred me, man, seeing you die over and over and then living it..."

Dean had seen Sam die. He could relate. He'd seen Sam die once, twice, three times, it never got easier. And he'd seen Ryan die. No, he guessed that would be one stumbling block in Sam and Gabriel's relationship, but Dean could understand Gabe's side of it, actually. It was cruel, yes, but it was supposed to show Sam how it would be without his brother by his side. Personally, Dean didn't think Sam would have done as well as he did, had it not been for Gabriel. Of course, that one, he'd keep to himself. Some things didn't need to be brought up. Some shit had to stay in your own head. "Well, at least this time around, we've got a chance to show him how not to be a dick. Right?"

Sam shook his head and swigged his beer as he looked out the ocean. Then he yawned, causing Dean to yawn. "Damn it, Sammy. Why ya gotta..."

"The sun's all but gone. Think we could just take a nap?"

"Two guys napping together on the beach? Sounds kinda gay, dude."

Sam shot him a bitchface before he leaned back, propping up on the stack of towels Ryan had brought out. "Fuck it. Wake me when it's time to eat."

Dean cleared his throat and finished his beer before he found himself getting drowsy, too. His eyes drifted shut before a strange noise grabbed his attention.

Sam sat straight up. "What was that?"

Dean shrugged lazily. "I don't know and I don't care. I'm off Daddy Duty for a minute. It's probably a dolphin or something."

"Dude. A dolphin? On the shore?"

The noise sounded again and they turned toward the sound, which was almost like a squeal or a shriek, but not overly loud and it didn't sound like a frightened child, which was what Dean's ears seemed to be tuned for these days. The beach was deserted since it was dinner time, but they saw a woman in the water, close to the pier. A topless woman.

Dean let out a chuckle. "Damn. This beach just got a hell of a lot more interesting."

Sam groused. "There are kids on this beach, Dean. YOUR kids."

"Yeah, but no one's out here now. Everyone's eating or something. Let her enjoy it."

"You want Ryan to walk out here and find you ogling some naked chick?" Sam stood and began walking away.

"Guess you got a point, buzzkill. Where you going?"

Sam turned back to him. "I'm gonna go ask her to cover up. Like I said. There are kids here. This isn't a nude beach. Or France. Besides, Andy will flip her shit if she sees that, then she'll tell Ryan, and we'll all be in trouble."

Dean pulled a face. "Or God forbid, Tory wants to have a three-way with her and Cas. Ugh. Not the mental imagery I needed. Yeah, you...go handle that."

Sam started once more toward the woman when she dipped in the water. Dean blinked. In the dying sunlight, he could have sworn he saw a big, shimmering blue-green tail. He jerked off his sunglasses and stood. He looked at Sam, then back at the water. Pointing, he looked at Sam again and then back to where the woman had disappeared. "Son of a...did you SEE that?!"

Sam calmly walked back to the towels and dropped to his ass. He took a deep breath and replied, "Yes, but I'm not saying I did, and neither are you. Keep this between us." He reached into the cooler and twisted the top off another beer before taking a long pull off it.

Dean gestured wildly back toward the pier. "But, that was a...she had a..."

Sam didn't even look at his brother, he just held up a hand. "NO. It wasn't. And she didn't. And as long as we both stick to that story, no one else will be the wiser. You really want this job? NOW? On your honeymoon and our family vacation? When Ryan explicitly stated she didn't want a case right now?"

"But it was a...damn it." A mermaid. It was a fucking mermaid. Wasn't it? Dean stared at Sam a moment before his eyes darted about wildly as he thought. A fucking mermaid would be a cool as shit hunt. But what if it wasn't a monster? Hadn't having Jon for a kid already taught him that not all monsters were monsters? Hadn't almost becoming a demon, himself, made him realize, there were worse things than creatures who weren't trying to kill you?

He blew out a breath, slid his sunglasses back on and sank back to the towel. "Fair enough. Besides, a naked lady on the beach can't be a bad thing, right? I mean, she didn't try to suck our souls out or call us to our death or anything..."

Sam nodded. "Until I see evidence to the contrary, I'm willing to pretend it's not what we think it is. Let-Let this one thing stay a myth. I mean, for crying out loud, I'm sick of having my childhood ruined by finding out that not only are things ACTUAL things, but most of them like to snack on organs."

"True that. And I'm all for not having to gank The Little Mermaid. She may be acting like a teenager now, but Hope would never speak to me again. That's her favorite Disney movie."

"So...we're not telling?"

Dean nodded. "We ain't tellin' nobody nothin'."

* * *

That night, after they put the kids to bed, Dean cornered Sam. "You mind keeping an ear out for the monsters so me and Ry can take a walk on the beach?"

Sam nodded. "I think I might take Andy down to Myrtle tomorrow, just the two of us. That cool?"

Dean smiled. Andy was growing on him, as weird as it sounded. "Yeah, go on. Woo her or some shit. Be my guest."

Sam clapped him on the back. "Thanks."

Dean walked over to where Ryan was playing cards with Andy, Tory, and the older kids. With Cas having poofed upstairs for a bit, Tory was left to chill with the rest of the humans. Dean hated to admit Tory had grown on him, too. He somehow had adopted two more sisters. He watched them play for just a moment before he whispered in Ryan's ear, "Let's take a walk. You and me."

Her eyes grew wide but she put down her cards. "I fold."

"But...Mom!" Hope began.

Ryan ran a hand down Hope's face. "Please. You're already better at poker than me. You don't need me to win."

"But you're better at judging when everyone is bluffing."

Ryan smirked. "That's because I'm good at reading tells. You can handle it. Don't be a wuss, kid."

Hope sighed. "Fine. I fold. I had a crap hand. Let's start over."

"Wanna make it interesting?" Ben began.

Ryan shot him a glare. "You mention the word 'strip' in that poker and I personally will tan your hide even if you are taller than me."

Ben swallowed hard. "Yes ma'am. I was going to suggest playing for money instead of candies."

She eyed him with her eyebrow popped. "If that's the story you want to stick with."

"Please, Mama Bear, like I'd let him talk me into strip poker," Krissy stated with a smirk. "Besides, I don't have any desire to see that little wang he's sporting."

"Little? I'll show you little..."

Ryan just cleared her throat and Ben seemed to reconsider his next statement because he smirked. "Name the time and place. I'll prove to you us Winchester boys ain't got nothing to hide."

Krissy just glared at him and crossed her arms. "That's okay. I've seen a Winchester Wang. I change Jon's diapers. Bobby runs around half naked most of the time. I don't need to go three for three with Dean's boys."

Dean's mouth dropped open but Ryan just chuckled and tugged him toward the door. He blinked once they were outside. "That girl...she knows how to handle him, doesn't she?"

Ryan giggled. "I love those kids, Dee. You have no idea. They're so freaking cool."

He laced his hand through hers and together, they went for a walk on the beach. She hadn't bothered to put on shoes, neither had he, and the sand felt cool between his toes. It was another experience he'd failed to have in his life. Now, he was having it with her. He wanted all the rest of his experiences with her. He glanced at his wife and watched her as her eyes closed and a soft smile payed on her lips. "What are you thinking?" he found himself whispering.

She sighed breathily. "I've always loved the beach. Even...even at the deepest, darkest days of my depression, Daddy would bring me here and I could just..." she sighed. "Long before I believed in anything besides the demons, I used to sit, either just on the sand, or on one of the public access gazebos and wish I was a mermaid...let the tide wash over me, carry me away, to be lost at sea where no one would know me, never know what happened to me, where I would feel whole." She glanced at him. "Are mermaids real?"

Before today, he'd have said 'no' but now... He shrugged. "I think probably if there is a legend about it, then it's probably got some basis in the realities of our world. Does that mean there is mermaids out there, right this minute? I don't know. But I'd be willing to bet there used to be. Some sort of monster that called to sailors in the night. Now, it might have been demons, it might have been sirens, hell, it coulda been vampires for all I know. So, yeah, probably."

She turned her gaze back to the ocean. "It sucks. That one bit of happiness I had to help me through could have been just another monster. I could have been another monster." She shivered and leaned into him. He wrapped his arm around her waist even as she wrapped her own arms around her chest and stuttered out another sigh.

"Hey, Ryan, look at me." He turned her so she was facing him and he grasped her shoulders, shaking them, just slightly. "Look, you aren't a monster. Neither am I. We both made it."

"Something else could be coming."

He pondered that a moment before he nodded. "Yeah, it could very well be. And with our luck? It probably is. But that doesn't mean..." It was his turn to sigh. "Look. I've seen a lot of shit in my lifetime. And I get that our whole lives are fucked up. But right here? Right now? We've got this awesome thing going. So...yeah, it's probably coming to bite our asses. But we need to enjoy now. This moment. As long as we fucking can."

She blinked back tears and looked up at him. "Since when are you the optimist?"

He smiled at that as he pulled her closer for a hug and placed a featherlight kiss on her lips. "Since I got you, Ryan. Hell, I could die tomorrow and I'd be at peace. None of that ghost shit for me. I'd be at peace because, finally, I found something I didn't even know I needed. I found my other half. I found you."

Her arms unwrapped from around herself to cross behind his neck. "I love you, Dean."

His smile grew. "I love ya, too, Ry."

She bit her lip and pulled away, her hand going down his until she threaded her fingers through his. "Come on," she implored as she began tugging him toward the pier.

His brow knit but he followed her. "Where we going?" She giggled and tugged harder until they were almost running. "Ryan?"

They reached the pilings of the pier and she stopped. "Make love with me."

"Here?!"

She nodded.

"But...there's sand. And barnacles. And..."

She slid her panties down her legs and stood there in her cotton sundress. "Fuck me," she demanded.

He could never quite get over how she could go from those sad thoughts to wanting love from him. Maybe she did need professional help. But, then, he knew he probably did, too. Maybe they just needed each other. "Right here?"

She licked her lips and nodded. "Right now, Dean," came her soft reply.

He pinned her against the wood. "You know I can't say 'no' to you, Ryan."

"That's what I'm betting on," she countered.

He looked at her in the soft moonlight. She had changed from her swimsuit after her shower before dinner and was now in a soft cotton sundress that had a decorative scarf as a belt. That gave him an idea. "Do you trust me?"

"You know I do," she whispered softly.

He pulled the knot at her waist, untying the belt. He tested the weight. It wasn't heavy. "You want me to try something?"

She swallowed hard and her eyes grew wide, but she nodded. "Okay."

He grasped first one of her hands, then the other, pinning them above her head. "I'm gonna blindfold you, pin your arms up, but I'll make it loose. You can slip your hands out of it at any time, alright?"

Her breath quickened just slightly before she panted, "Okay."

He eyed her a moment. "You sure?"

She licked her lips, swallowed, and nodded once more. "I think I'd like that."

He smirked, ever so slightly, and put her hands behind her head before he wrapped the scarf around each wrist and over her eyes, tying it very loosely behind her. "You okay?"

"You're not leaving, are you?"

"No. I swear, I won't be more than a foot away from you at all times."

She took a few deep breaths and remained silent.

"Ryan?"

"I'm good. You're with me, Dean. I trust you."

That amazed him, just how damn much trust she had in him. He ran his hands down her sides as he dropped to his knees, thankful he had on a pair of jeans. He looked around, but it was late, there was no one on the beach. No one to interrupt them. He brushed her thighs as he lifted the hem of her skirt and she giggled ever so slightly. "Quit tickling me!"

He chuckled as he brushed a kiss to her thigh. "Can't help it."

"What are you...?" she began, but then he lifted her leg, tossed it over his shoulder, and dove into her, his lips and tongue immediately going to work.

"Fuck," she panted as her hips began to buck against him slightly.

His hands went behind her and grabbed her ass, pulling her toward him closer as he took her almost to the edge before he backed off, placing kisses on her thighs, the backs of her knees, before he moved up again and began torturing her with his tongue once more.

He got her to the edge a second time and he loved hearing her panting and whining. He loved her taste. She was the most exquisite meal he'd ever had. He backed off yet again and she growled in frustration, causing him to chuckle into her mound. "Had enough?" he murmured.

"Finish me," she demanded.

His eyebrow shot up as he looked at her. She was enjoying this, he could tell. She looked gorgeous tied to the pier by her flowered scarf. And though he knew she could break away easily enough, she continued to trust him even as he drove her crazy.

"Your wish," he murmured as he kissed back up her leg, "My command," he stated only seconds before his mouth and three fingers sank into her.

She let out a shout, a moan, a prayer, of his name and he tasted her release on his tongue. He took his time lapping her up, cleaning her, enjoying her aftershocks before he pulled away, placed her leg back on the ground, and stood.

He removed the makeshift blindfold and stuffed it in his back pocket. "You okay?"

She gave him a goofy grin. "I'm fan-fucking-tastic. That was...my God, Dean, that was amazing."

He smirked as he grabbed her and picked her up. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist. "Now on for part two." He eyed the rough wood behind her. "This might hurt," he warned.

She giggled. "Please tell me I'm going to have to pick splinters out of my back."

"Is that sexy?" he wondered aloud.

She laughed and put a hand to each side of his face. "Well, I have to admit, I've always wanted to have sex on the beach, but I don't want sand in all my...crevices."

"We could get a blanket, you know. Hell, we could get an air mattress. Do this up right..."

She reached a hand between them to his half-hard member and squeezed him through his pants. "I think I can drive you crazy enough to do me until I'm screaming your name right against this pole. Again."

"There is nothing sexy about this," he told her. He really didn't want her hurt. Or picking splinters out of her back.

Her smile was wicked. "Of course it is." She leaned in, licked the shell of his ear, and whispered, "Now, get to fucking, Mr. Winchester. I want to feel you coming inside of me."

He licked his lips as her hand continued squeezing, rubbing, teasing him through his clothes, while her mouth began whispering dirty little nothings in his ear.

"You're evil," he panted as she had him almost to the brink without even actually touching his skin.

"I know," she purred as she unfastened his pants. "Now, I need that big beautiful cock in me."

He all but blindly complied as her hand found purchase and directed him where she wanted him to go and he hissed out a breath as he slid home. "Fuck, Ryan."

"Exactly," she moaned as his hand found her clit again.

"If we get caught..." They'd already been out there longer than he'd anticipated. He'd planned on edging her until he gave her a release, then taking her back to their room...or maybe the car again. Thank God for all the extra cargo space in the Expedition...

She laughed and the sound made him thrust a bit harder. "If we get caught, Tory will bail us out, lest I remind her about Tulsa."

He thought a moment and decided he didn't want to know. He kept one hand on her ass to help hold her up as his other hand roamed and she cried out as he reached down to bite her nipple through the fabric of her dress.

"Not...gonna...last..." he growled as he continued to move.

He felt her inner walls clenching him as she moved and their lips fused as they came together.

He blew out a breath and his head dropped to her shoulder as he pushed her a bit harder into the piling as his strength flagged. "I'm getting too old for this," he murmured.

She chuckled and kissed his sweat-dampened temple. "No you're not. You'll be eighty chasing my tail around."

He hoped so. He still hoped they lived that long. What he'd said earlier still held true. The other shoe would drop. There were no such things as Happily Ever Afters. There were only happy middles. He was just glad he'd found one of those in his life.


	47. Keep on Rockin' me Baby

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supernatural. I just like to play in their sandbox. **

**Author's Note: Hi all! Happy New Years Eve Eve! Sorry I didn't get this to you at Christmas, I wanted to, but everyone came to our house, so that meant a lot of cleaning and cooking! Here's the next chapter, hope you like! I've got a LOT of story planned yet. I'm almost done with the next chapter, so here's hoping I can start a posting schedule in the new year. *fingers crossed* **

**Don't forget to send me a review, let me know what you think of the chapter! Much love, and Happy New Year! **

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Three (Thursday)**

With Sam and Andy taking a trip to Myrtle alone for the day, Dean and Ryan decided to take their group to Myrtle Beach as well, to do some shopping and see what there was to see. Ryan was already in school shopping mode, so they bought a few things at the outlets.

While Ryan was in one of the stores with the two girls, and Ben had graciously taken Bobby to ride one of the machines that cost a few quarters, Dean wheeled Jon's stroller around to the information center. He started looking at brochures when one caught his eye. He snagged it and hurried to find Ryan, who was just coming out of the store, looking for him. "Ry! Ry! Look!"

She glanced at the pamphlet in his hand and rolled her eyes, a soft smile playing at her lips. "You know it's expensive."

"But it'll be fun. Come on. Don't you think?"

She sighed. "Let's ask the kids, okay? If they don't want to go, I'll go with you."

To his surprise, the kids were cool with it, and that was how he found himself rooting for the yellow knight at Medieval Times. "This is awesome," he said as he chewed on a chunk of chicken.

Ryan smiled at him again like she found him mildly amusing, but he didn't care. Charlie would have a fit. She would love this place. Of course, all the knights were dudes, and Dean knew she went for girls, but she would still enjoy it.

By the end of the show, their knight was the winner and he walked toward their group holding a rose. To her surprise, the knight came out and gave the rose to Krissy, who blushed, ever so slightly. Dean didn't miss the scowl on Ben's face. So far, Kris was keeping the boy at arm's length, which was smart, in Dean's opinion.

"That was awesome!" Dean crowed as they walked to the car, tossing Bobby into the air, making the boy giggle. He sat him on the running board of the expedition so the child could climb in before he took Jon from his stroller to strap him in as well while Ryan put the stroller in the back with all the stuff they'd bought.

"Yeah, thrill a minute," Ben growled as he turned around in the last row of seats, helping Bobby into his booster seat next to him.

"I thought it was fun," Hope stated as she slid into the middle seat next to Jon's car seat.

"Yeah," Kris added as she piled in next to Hope. "It was kind of cool."

"Says the pretty, pretty princess," he shot back at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're just jealous you didn't get the rose."

Ben let out a snort. "What the fuck ever."

"Language," Dean growled as he buckled Jon in. "If I hear Bobby learning those words, someone's getting a butt kicking. We have enough trouble with his magic. We don't need to compound his...issues."

Ryan let out a giggle as she climbed into the driver's seat, trying, no doubt, to avoid the argument that was surely brewing between him and Ben. "Who's ready for doughnuts?"

Dean blinked, sidetracked at the mention of the treat. "You don't eat doughnuts."

She smiled. "I do when the 'Hot and Now' sign is on at Krispy Kreme."

Dean was confused. "Huh?"

She smirked. "Sit down, honey, you're about to be educated."

She drove them to Krispy Kreme and as Dean sank his teeth into a hot glazed doughnut, he realized, she was right. "This is like..." he was speechless.

Her eyebrows waggled. "I know, right? It's like a taste bud orgasm," she told him. He choked on his second bite, causing the older kids to laugh and Bobby to ask, "What's so funny?"

After that, everyone seemed to be in a good mood. As Ryan drove past the mini golf place, she asked, "Should we?"

Dean just smiled. "Hell and yes."

They were all competitive, and it bordered on violent and ugly before Krissy usurped them all and beat Dean by two strokes. They had a stranger take their picture at the last hole, which featured a giant pirate ship and Dean smiled as he looked at it on his phone. "This is the most awesome thing I've ever experienced," he told Ryan softly as they headed back to the beach house.

The levity continued and they were still laughing as they walked into the house that night. It had been a fun day and it amazed him how all the kids meshed so well together. They really were a family. He didn't quite know how to process it. But he liked it.

Dean glanced at the couch where Sam and Andy were laying, watching TV. He walked over and plopped into the chair, nudging Sam's shoulder with his boot. "Have a good day?"

Sam glanced at Andy before looking at Dean with a goofy ass smile on his face. "Yeah. We did. You?"

Dean just smiled and nodded. "Awesome."

"Dean..." Ryan called softly as she walked in with a sleeping Jon. "He needs a bath after that doughnut, but honestly..."

Dean snorted as he stood again. Bobby looked like he was dragging butt, too. The older kids had decided to go for a walk on the beach to look for crabs. Apparently there were certain kinds that came up onto the beach at night to scuttle around, looking for food. "Let's put him to bed. He'll live. And we'll be back in the water tomorrow..." They'd decided to hit the Myrtle Waves water park the next day. He turned to Sam. "We're hitting the water park tomorrow. You two want in?"

"Hell yes!" Andy stated as she sat up. "Water slides? Wave pool? Lazy River? Yes and please."

Sam chuckled. "I guess we're in."

"Okay, well, let's get the little dudes to bed, Dee, then call it a night ourselves," Ryan stated warmly.

"It's early yet, Ry," he reminded her. "The kids aren't in yet."

She gave him a pointed, heated, sexy look. "Who said we were going to sleep?"

Sam chuckled again. "We're going to finish this movie. I'll make sure they come in."

Ryan winked at him. "Thanks, Sam. Come on, Dee," she purred. "Let's get our boys to bed before I get _you _to bed."

He swallowed and nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me...

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Four (Friday)**

The next morning, Dean walked out into the kitchen to find Ryan dressed in a bathing suit with some little wrap skirt number putting stuff into the crock pot. He couldn't quite help the whimper. Ryan + bathing suit + kitchen = permawood. "What are you doing?"

"I'm putting a pork roast in the crock. It can cook while we're gone, then when we get home after being in the water all day, we'll have some pork for sandwiches."

He glanced at another crock and saw ingredients sitting around it. "What's this?"

"Crock Pot Cobbler. I'll mix everything and put it on when we get home, before we get our showers."

"Damn. You. In the kitchen. Wearing a bathing suit? Fuck."

She smirked and swatted him with a clean spoon before she turned around and began washing a bowl that must have held the rub she put on the meat. "Down boy."

He let out a little whine. "Ten minutes, babe. Give me ten."

She shot him a look over her shoulder as he crowded her personal space. "I've got to get the boys up."

"Five."

"Dean," her tone sounded exasperated, but he could tell by the way her breathing picked up, she was into the idea.

"Please? Fuck, Ry," he pushed himself into her slightly and he knew she could feel the hard length of him. He licked the shell of her ear. "I need you," he panted. "Please?"

She glanced this way and that. No one was up yet that he could tell. Their bedroom was too far away. "Laundry room," she whispered as she pulled him down the short hall toward the laundry. Surprisingly, the door had a lock on it and he flipped it as he shut it before he stalked toward her. He picked her up and sat her on the top of the dryer. He didn't waste time...he shoved his board shorts down his legs, pulled her bathing suit bottoms to the side, and plunged into her.

"Fuck," she growled as her nails scored his shoulders. He would probably regret the fact he was wearing a tank top shirt, but at the moment, he didn't give a shit because she was whispering dirty little nothings in his ear and her pussy was grabbing his cock like a vice grip and _holy shit _did she feel amazing as he roughly fondled her clit, bringing her up and over as he bit the shoulder strap of her bathing suit to avoid calling out. They rode hard and fast and it took him no time at all to get them both there, right there, and then their mouths fused, swallowing one another's cries of release.

He felt her hand in his hair as he came back to himself and her wet breath on his ear as she panted. He hadn't even realized his head was on her shoulder again. "Damn, Dean, that was..."

He lifted his head and smirked. "I know, right?"

She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes and blinked. "Holy shit."

He chuckled and reached to the laundry basket to grab a hand towel to clean them up with. "Uh, so...thank you?"

She giggled as she gave him a little shove and jumped to the floor as she began wiping away the evidence of their union from her thighs. "Pretty sure I should be thanking you. Wow. That's a good start to the day."

He grinned.

Just then, there was a banging on the door. "You two done in there? I've got a load of me and the angel's clothes I gotta fold up," Tory shouted.

Ryan glanced at him and she blushed. "Just a minute, Tor," she called.

"Take your time. But Bobby's up wanting food. Want me to get him some cereal?"

"Thanks, uh, that'll be great," he stated as Ryan walked into his arms.

"I'm so gonna tease you for this, Winchester," Tory yelled before she began humming as she walked away.

Ryan leaned her head on Dean's chest. "We so haven't heard the end of this."

He smirked. "Am I supposed to be sorry for wanting to fuck my wife? Nope. Not gonna have it. Gonna hold my head up high."

Ryan chortled as she took a step back. "Fine. No shame. But we're still gonna get teased."

His smirk was firmly in place. "I'm not afraid of Tory Allard."

Ryan patted his face. "That's cute. Good luck with that." She flung the towel at him and walked back out of the room.

* * *

The water park was crowded, but not overly so. Dean blinked as they walked in. "I think we're in over our heads here, Sammy."

Sam's eyes widened. "I can't believe I'm thirty-three years old and I've never been to a water park."

Dean grinned and smacked him on the back. "No time like the present, brother. Let's go show these wimps how to have fun."

And they did have fun. Dean and Sam took the little guys over to the toddler area so Ryan, Andy, and Tory could go ride the bigger rides as well as float calmly in the lazy river for a while. Bobby thoroughly enjoyed splashing Sam while Dean held Jon in the foot-deep kiddie pool. Then Sam took the baby so Dean could go with Bobby on the kiddie slides. Dean didn't often see Gabriel come out in Bobby, but he could see the pure joy on the child's face, and he was glad Gabriel had done this for himself. He might be one of the most powerful angels in existence, but he deserved some happiness. And at the moment, sun streaming down on them, giggling like loons as they splashed in the water, Dean forgot for a minute his son wasn't anything other than just that. His son.

About an hour and a half later, Andy came to take over for him so Dean could go ride rides with the older kids. He eagerly hooked up with the teens and somehow found himself side-by-side with Ben, each of them talking smack and daring one another not to scream like little girls. Dean had to admit, when he finally splashed down into the shallow pool at the end, his voice was hoarse from screaming. So was Ben's. They called it a draw.

They all met up for lunch at the little restaurant in the water park where they woofed down cheeseburgers and fries. Dean saw Ryan glance over at Jon, who was falling asleep in his high-chair and she smiled. "I guess I need to get him out of the sun, let him nap."

"I got him," Andy told her. "You and Dean go have a few minutes to yourselves. Tory and I can handle him and Bobby. Cas wanted to go on one of the other water rides and Sam hasn't had a turn yet."

"You sure?"

Andy nodded as she picked the boy up and settled him on her shoulder. "Go on. I rarely do anything nice. Take advantage of it."

Dean smiled at her. "You're alright, Blackwell."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't go getting soft on me now, Wyatt."

He chortled. "It's true. You are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist."

Her grin grew. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

He winked. "Hell, Doc. I might just like you a little bit."

She shot him a look. "Piss on you, Wyatt."

They shared another grin before he took Ryan's hand and walked to the door. She shook her head. "I swear, you two and your 'Tombstone' quotes!"

He shrugged. "You and Sam have your...whatever. Me and her got ours."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "You're both children."

An idea formed in his head. He picked Ryan up bridal style and laughed as he ran with her toward the water. "And you love us!" he yelled as he dumped her into the wave-pool.

She came up sputtering and shot him an evil look before she hooked her legs around his, knocking him on his ass into the water. He came up and smiled at her. "We love you, too, just FYI."

She shook her head before she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "I love you, you big goof."

He felt it. He'd never felt love like this before. Not by anyone. And here was a whole group of people that loved him. He hoped Sammy knew how blessed they were. Blessed. He'd never thought he'd ever consider himself that, but he did.

The day was spent at the water park, and the sun, coupled with the water, made for some very tired people. Even the teens called it an early evening when they got home, and almost everyone fell asleep while watching the movie in the living room that night.

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Five (Saturday)**

Sam and Andy had decided they wanted to spend the day together again, and spend the night at a hotel for some reason. Dean had been a little surprised, but Ryan had just elbowed him and wished them a good evening. Cas and Tory had graciously agreed to babysit, so after spending the day on the beach with the little guys, Ryan and Dean dressed for a night out. "I don't have to wear anything fancy, do I?" he asked her as she stepped from the shower. She poked her head back in at him and winked. "Nope. Just some jeans and a tee, usual Dean Winchester wear will work for where I'm taking you."

He grinned. "Fine by me. Where we going?"

"It's a surprise," she sing-songed as she wrapped her hair in a towel. He reached out of the shower and snatched her arm, pulling her back in with him. "I want you again."

She reached on tip toes to kiss him, even though her towel was getting soaked. "Later, tiger, I promise. But let's get dressed and ready. I'm starving. Aren't you? Besides, didn't that little display a moment ago in here do it for you?"

"Not that I have a problem with oral sex, giving or receiving, but I need to be buried balls deep in you, babe," he panted as he felt his desire mounting again.

She huffed out a gentle breath and almost seemed to contemplate it before she blinked, shook her head, and stepped out of the shower. The sopping wet towel was flung back in at him. "Nope. Not now. I'm hungry and I want to get there before it's too crowded. Now move your ass, Winchester, or I'm going by myself!"

His brows furrowed. "Rude!" he shouted at her in a perfect imitation of Bobby's latest catchphrase. He heard her giggling as she walked out into the bedroom.

She drove Tory's van down toward Myrtle Beach and she pulled into a parking spot next to a giant pyramid shaped building. They both got out and she turned to him as he came over to her side of the vehicle. "Are you having fun, Dean? I mean, Myrtle Beach isn't really your scene, but..."

"Just being here with you is enough," he answered as he slipped his arm around her shoulders and brought her in for a kiss on her temple.

"You're turning soft, Winchester."

"Nah. I've always had a soft spot for you or the kids. I'm still the mean ass bastard I always have been."

She rolled her eyes. Apparently she knew he was full of shit. He definitely wasn't the same person he used to be. He was much better.

Ignoring him, she said, "I heard there was this comedy club...think you'd like to go get some laughs?"

He shrugged. "I'm flexible, babe."

She smiled as they walked up the steps to the entrance. "Come on. Let's get some burgers and rock and roll."

He nodded. "Two of my favorite things."

It was unlike any place he'd been to. He didn't know why, in all their travels, him and Sammy hadn't gone to a Hard Rock before then, but this place...it was epic. There was memorabilia all over the place, he knew every music video that came on the screens, and had the best fucking cheeseburger he'd ever had, well, that week, anyway.

After they ate, they walked around the small shop at the top of the stairs and he bought her some guitar earrings he made her promise to wear...just the earrings. And nothing else. It was dark by then and he heard live music outside...one of his favorite songs. "Come on!" he exclaimed as he pulled her out the door onto the bar patio. A band was playing covers of some of the best rock music. There was a small crowd, but they easily found a spot near the front of the small stage area. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder as she sang along with every song that was played.

The group finished singing "Keep on Rocking Me Baby" by the Steve Miller Band and the lead singer pointed at Ryan. "This little lady knows every single word. I've been watching her."

Dean could feel her blush heat her face.

"Come up here a minute, sugar."

She smiled and stepped from Dean's grasp to walk to the edge of the stage.

"No, come on up. Don't be shy. Pretty little thing like you ought to be up where everyone can see her, ain't that right?" There were a few wolf whistles and cat calls as she made her way onto the stage, a smirk on her face.

When she got to the singer, he asked, "Do you sing?"

She nodded.

"Wanna do a song with us? Lady's choice."

Her brows furrowed a moment before a huge smile lit her face and she whispered something in his ear.

He chuckled. "Sure. We can do that." He stepped away from the microphone and went to speak to the rest of the band. Her eyes met Dean's and she winked at him before she said into the mic, "This one is for my wonderful husband. We've been married a week, but been together off and on for most of my life. I love you, babe. I'm glad we're finally together."

The music started and Dean's pants got tight. He'd know that guitar cord anywhere. Sure enough, her sexy voice started singing "Black Velvet" and he was done for.

When the song was over, she walked to the lead singer and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before she stepped back down the steps, and into Dean's waiting arms. "Did that do it for you, baby?" she purred.

"If I didn't think I'd get arrested, I'd fuck you right here, in front of the crowd. Right on that damn stage."

She let out a throaty laugh. "Let's go shopping a little bit, then we can fool around."

"Promise?" he panted.

She rubbed a hand down his body and grabbed his cock through his jeans. "I promise." She smiled. "Come on. Let's cool down. I want a drink."

She bought a pina colada in a souvenir cup and sipped it while he nursed a beer and they listened to the rest of the set before she started getting antsy. "Let's go for a walk." He nodded, threw some cash on the bar, and took her hand. They walked around the shopping area for a little while. He bought some candied pecans, which she ate half of, and she bought some fudge that she eagerly shared with him. As they looked around Broadway at the Beach, they came upon a kiosk that did body piercing.

He waggled his eyebrows as some twenty something was getting her belly button pierced. "What do you say? Look!" he pointed to the belly button rings. "They have a Batman one!"

Ryan snorted. "Not just 'no' sugar, but hell no. I'm not getting my navel pierced. I'm pretty sure they have an expiration date and thirty six years plus three kids is definitely past it."

"But, you'd look sexy as fuck in it, babe. Besides, anyone looking at you knows you don't look a day over thirty."

She blushed at that. He knew she tried to keep herself looking good. Her physical health helped her mental health, which was why she and Sam still got up every morning and ran on the beach before the sun was barely cresting the horizon. Something caught her eye and she moved closer to look at it. "Now this...this you could probably talk me into." It was a bar for an industrial. It had the black Batman logo on it. "I've, uh, I've kind of always wanted to get an industrial. They're cool."

He just grinned. "Hell. Yes." He waited as she spoke to the chick that had more artificial holes than real ones, and watched as Ryan sat on the piercing chair.

"Will you hold my hand?" she asked softly.

His eyebrow rose. "You anticipate this hurting?"

She shook her head. "No. But I like knowing you're here for me."

He stood on the opposite side she was getting pierced and smiled as he watched her stiffen her spine. "I'm ready," she told the piercer.

Dean couldn't watch. It was one thing to stitch up a wound, to assist with that, to put a bandage on one of her wounds, but to see her willingly subject herself to pain, for some reason, he couldn't do it.

It was over before he knew it and her smile was blazing as she looked in the mirror. "Wow. That's...it's fucking awesome."

He grinned. "Looks terrific, babe. You ready to head back?"

She nodded, paid the girl, and slipped her hand back into his.

They made it back to Tory's van, finally, and Dean pushed her lightly into it. "If I don't fuck you right here, I'm gonna explode."

She licked her lips. "You mind the van?"

"Is it clean?"

"-Ish," she replied.

His nose wrinkled.

"But I know she's got a clean blanket in there because I washed it yesterday."

He eyed the van with trepidation, but desire won out because he let out a growl and popped the door open, letting her slither inside.

She slipped to the front and cranked it so the air conditioning would be running before she scooted back to where he was already unfastening his jeans. She'd only managed to get him into shorts while they were on the beach, and flip flops were not happening. Not in this lifetime. At the waterpark, yes, but out anywhere? Nope. Definitely not.

Their eyes met and she watched him as he slid the denim past his ass and he saw her swallow hard as his hand palmed his cock. "Not, uh, not starting without me, are you?" she questioned.

He smirked. "Hell no. Just getting ready for you, baby."

She slipped her tank over her head and showed him her strapless bra.

"Fuck. I love it when you wear those. I love your shoulders," he murmured as she made her way back to him.

She stood, as best she could, in front of him and allowed him to unfasten her shorts. He ran them and her underwear gently down her legs and she stepped out of them before his hands moved back up to her ass. His eyes moved to hers and he motioned for her to sit on him.

"In my sneakers and bra? Really?"

He almost blushed as he admitted, "I kind of like doing you half dressed. Like I couldn't even wait to get you outta all your clothes..."

That seemed to do something to her. She bit his lip as she sank onto him, letting him fill her. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned as his hands squeezed her ass. "Fuck. I fucking love you," he growled as he began thrusting upward.

It wasn't the most comfortable position for him, but it didn't bother him one bit as his one hand dove between them, and the other hand... "Fuck! Dean!" she cried as his thumb circled her puckered entrance. They'd found, almost by accident, she liked for him to play there. She had admitted she wasn't sure she was ready for the real deal...a cock was a little different than just one thumb, but she was trying to remain open to anything he wanted to try. He never wanted to make her uncomfortable, but he wanted her to trust him. He was glad that when he did ask her to trust him, she did.

"I want to take my time with you, damn it," he said in a strained voice as he felt his release approaching. "But...I can't..."

"Don't," she purred in his ear. "We'll make more time, Dean. I swear it."

They raced one another to the finish, and when it was over, they lay sweaty and sated on that blanket. She looked over at him and giggled.

"What?" he wondered, half afraid.

"Nothing. I'm just happy. This is...it's unbelievable, you know?"

He nodded and pulled her on top of him to kiss her. She was still wearing the bra and shoes. "I could take my time with you now."

"We'll run all the gas out of Tory's van."

"I'll fix it," he replied as he flipped her and began worshiping her body.

By the time they'd finished round two, it was late. Very late. Ryan texted Tory to make sure everything was okay and the text she got back, made her giggle.

"Do I wanna know?" he asked as he slid into the driver's seat.

"Apparently Gabriel came out to play and Cas had a time with him. Then Cas got upset because Tory just laughed."

Dean snorted. "Good. Glad Gabe got someone besides me." She was biting her lip. He glanced over at her. "They ain't here. Laugh your ass off, babe."

She did just that and he joined in, imagining how his son had managed to torture another of God's soldiers. He couldn't wait to hear the horror stories.

He put the van in drive and headed back toward the beach house. He frowned as he traveled down King's Highway before he snarled in disgust. "Tory's van drives like shit. I need to get up inside this thing, see what's wrong with it."

She giggled. "Yes, dear."

When they arrived back at the beach house, it was quiet. The jeep was there, so obviously the teens were home, and only a few lights seemed to be on. They walked into the door and they were both immediately accosted by Castiel as soon as they breached the door. "Your son is a monster."

Ryan didn't seem to be offended, in fact, she seemed quite amused. "Is that a fact? Which one, Cas? We have two you babysat tonight."

"Robert Gabriel. He's far worse than any demon you could throw at me."

She smirked. "An angel with Winchester blood, Cas. Why on God's green earth, Gabriel thought it was a good idea is beyond me."

"Hope is not like him."

"She wasn't a trickster, either, Cas," Ryan calmly reminded him as she walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer before tossing it to Dean. She grabbed a bottle of water, twisted the cap off, and took a generous gulp. "If you want me to apologize for him, it ain't happening. You're an angel of the lord, Cas. A seraph. I'm pretty sure you can handle a baby angel."

"He is not a baby, he is toddler. And he is..."

"Watch it," she warned as she poked the angel in the chest. "I realize he's a handful, and more than likely, he was testing you. But that does not give you the right to talk shit about him. Ya feel me, angel boy?"

Cas had the good sense to look slightly alarmed as his eyes flicked to Dean, who just shrugged. He wasn't about to get in the middle of this. Cas swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. "I apologize. I have no way of knowing how Gabriel would act as a child. He was, like Michael and Lucifer, trained by God himself. I was a fledgling, trained by others. I am sure you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with."

Ryan smiled. "Good boy. Smart boy." She put the water bottle back in the fridge and glanced at Tory. "How was it?"

Tory grinned. "I don't know what was more entertaining, Gabriel fucking with Cas, or Cas not having a damn clue how to handle it. Honestly, he does better with the demon baby than he does his own brethren."

Ryan giggled. Then she stood on tiptoe to kiss the angel's cheek. "Thank you for babysitting, Cas."

The angel just looked at her, head cocked to the side, like he was trying to figure her out. "I do not understand your specific kind of crazy, but I do admire your total commitment to it. No offense," he tacked on to the end of the statement.

Her brows quirked before she burst out laughing. "Well, thank you, Cas. I consider that a compliment. And trust me. You will never understand a woman's brand of crazy. Just like you will never understand how protective a woman is over her children. Even if they _are _monsters, they are _her _monsters. Keep that one in mind, yeah?"

He bowed his head in her direction. She winked at him, then turned and walked to the bedroom. "Goodnight," she called softly before she closed the door.

Dean grinned. "And on that note, I guess I'll go to bed. Thanks, you two, for babysitting the monsters. As someone who has done it, it ain't an easy task. And it will only get harder as time goes on. So, we appreciate the break, ya know?"

Tory just smiled and sipped her glass. Dean wasn't sure what was in it, but he could smell the alcohol from where he stood. She deserved it. She put up with two angels and a demon for the past few hours. Honestly, he needed to buy her a bottle of some decent shit for her trouble.

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Six (Sunday) **

Sunday started a lot like Saturday. They ate a leisurely breakfast after which, while Ryan and Tory took the little ones to play in the water, Dean dove into Tory's van. He found a few minor issues, but he hated to admit, by the time they got back to Kansas, he was going to have to put a new motor in her. Thankfully, he knew what he was doing in that aspect, and converting the garage in the side yard of the house so he could work on the vehicles was the right thing to do. He needed to take another trip back up to South Dakota, grab some more of Bobby's things from the garage there.

It was moments like this, he missed the older man so much. The number of times they'd spent under the hood of a car, or neck deep in the motor of some clunker...he sighed.

"Want some help?" he heard.

He popped his head up to see Hope and Ben walking forward. "What's up, guys?"

Hope shrugged. "Kris says she got too much sun yesterday so she wants to chill here. She's reading one of the MOL spell books. Ben and I got bored, thought we'd bug you."

Ben smiled as he tapped the side of the van. "This beast still road worthy?"

Dean sneered at the engine. "Only just. I'm going to need to put a new motor in her when we get back to Kansas." He eyed the two kids. "You two wanna be my grease monkeys when we get back?"

"Yes!" Hope exclaimed.

Ben thought a moment before a smile played on his lips. "Yeah, that sounds cool."

Dean nodded as he wiped his hands on a rag. He had more than a little oil and grease on him. "Good deal. I'm gonna go grab a shower. You two going to play with the monsters in the water?"

They both nodded. "Ryan said she wanted to run to the grocery store, said she wanted to cook steaks for dinner," Ben told him.

"Did she mention those ranch potatoes she makes?" Dean tried to ask nonchalantly, but Hope giggled.

"I think you could probably talk her into them, Dad," she chortled. "Come on, bro, let's head to the sand."

Dean watched them go around the side of the house and shook his head as he smiled. He liked having Ben around, and Ben seemed to like being with them. That was good. His thoughts momentarily clouded as he thought about why Ben would be with them more often but he shook them off and took the dirty towel with him as he attempted to wipe the grease from his arms. A shower was definitely necessary.

He walked in to find Ryan, Tory, and Krissy sitting at the kitchen table, pouring over one of Ryan's recipe apps on her iPad. They all glanced up at him as he walked through. He stopped and glared at Tory. "Allard, you're lucky I've come to tolerate you, because that van is shit."

She shot him a glare, sat back, and crossed her arms. "I don't talk crap about that piece of Chevy you own, Winchester, the least you can do is respect my vehicle."

His jaw clenched, and he narrowed his eyes at her. "She needs a new motor. We get back to Kansas, I'm giving her an overhaul. I can't have you or any of my other family members going out for a hunt in her without her being reliable."

A look of surprise crossed her face and to his surprise, she almost looked like she wanted to cry. "Th-Thanks, Dean."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. She's good to go for now, but no hunts until I've got her in top condition, you feel me, Tor?"

She sniffed and nodded with a slight smile. "I feel ya."

Ryan looked at him a moment and licked her lips. "You've, uh, got a little something..." she gestured up and down.

He looked down at himself. His tee shirt was soaked through with sweat and he was wearing more grease than the van. He smirked. "Yeah, it happens. I'm gonna go shower, then I'll go out with the kids while you go to the grocery store."

She didn't answer, save for a short nod. As he was walking away, he heard her blow out a breath and mutter, "Holy fuck. Was that good for you? Because that was good for me."

He smiled as he heard Tory laugh. "If mechanic!Dean gets you off so bad, go fuck him and be done with it."

He heard a chair scraping the linoleum and Ryan shoot back, "I think I just might..."

He chuckled as he opened the bedroom door and stood, waiting. She followed only moments behind him.

* * *

After some slightly bad porn movie style role playing, they showered and he did as he said he would, he went out with the kids while Ryan went to the grocery store. The rest of the day was spent just chilling out. Dean had gone to take Jon in for a nap when Sam and Andy came back.

"Hey, guys. Lemme put the little dude to bed for his nap." Dean walked past them and changed the little boy, and put him down in the pack and play crib they'd brought with them.

When he stepped out of the room, Sam was standing there looking like he was going to be sick. "Whoa, dude. What's the matter? Eat something that didn't agree with you?"

"Uh, no, that's not..."

Dean's brows furrowed. "What's up, man?"

Sam swallowed hard. "Uh, Dean, me and Andy...we, uh...we eloped."

Dean had walked toward the living area but turned. "WHAT?!"

Sam winced. "We, uh, we went down on Thursday and got our marriage license. The Chapel by the Sea had an opening for yesterday. I guess someone chickened out. Usually they have a waiting list and you have to schedule it months out, but we were lucky. So, um...we, uh, we got married."

Dean just stood there, staring at his brother as his mind moved at a million miles a minute. A myriad of emotions flowed through him...pain, anger, disappointment, happiness, sadness, joy, annoyance, the whole fucking gambit. However, it was anger that fueled his words. "What the hell were you thinking?! You get a wild hair up your ass and decide to get MARRIED?! Did you give any thought to how this might affect everyone else?"

Sam gave him the puppy dog look for about a half second before his eyes set in steely Winchester resolve. "For about a fraction of a second, yeah, but then..."

"THEN?!"

Sam shoved past him toward the kitchen and Dean followed almost blindly behind him. "Then, for once, I thought about myself. I wasn't thinking about you or Ryan. I wasn't thinking about the damn prophecies you brought on us. I wasn't thinking about your kids or your angels or what the fuck ever. I wasn't thinking about demons or heavenly host. I wasn't thinking about apocalypses or monsters or the fact we're earmarked for something big and nasty to happen to us."

He sucked in a breath and Dean saw tears in his brother's eyes. "I wasn't thinking about any of that shit, Dean. I was thinking about happiness. I was thinking about how you have what I want. I was thinking about how I couldn't live with myself if I died without Andrea Blackwell being my wife. I couldn't go one more damn day without her having a ring on her finger. I love her, man. So, yeah. For once in my life, I was selfish. And frankly, anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my ass, including you. After all the support I've given you and Ryan, if you aren't willing to do the same, then be pissed. I can live with that. But I can't live without her, and I'll be damned if I'm giving her up to keep the peace with you!"

Dean thought a moment before he sighed. "But, I mean, seriously. What is it with you and eloping?"

"What is it with you and the hormonally driven emotional outbursts? Geez, man, what? Are you on the rag or something?" At Dean's glare, Sam said, "Look, we just wanted this to be between the two of us. We didn't want a big production. It doesn't make it any less meaningful. We're just as married as you and Ryan. And we love each other just as much."

Dean blew out a breath. "I'm not saying you don't love each other. I'm not saying you're not married. All I'm saying is this relationship has been a wild ride from the beginning, and I don't want you to do something you're gonna regret later down the road."

It was Sam's turn to glare at him. "Well, it's my mistake to make. And it's not one. Andy and I are happy. The very least you could do is be happy for me, too." Sam turned and pushed past him once more as he walked out the door toward the sand.

Dean walked to the door and saw Tory and Ryan squealing and hugging Andy for all she was worth before Sam joined them and Ryan all but jumped on Sam hugging him and congratulating him. Dean sighed again as Ryan made her way toward the house. She walked in all smiles and headed toward the refrigerator. "I'm so glad I bought that bottle of wine yesterday," she enthused as she pulled it from the freezer. She then snagged up a stack of disposable cups. "Ha! Wine in red Solo cups. We're classy, ain't we, babe?"

He offered her a half smile. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Did Jon go down okay?"

"Uh, yeah, he's fine."

She smiled and kissed his cheek as she hurried back out to the sand, wine bottle and plastic cups in hand.

He didn't know what was wrong with him. Part of him was happy. He wanted Sam to have what he and Ryan had, didn't he? Was he really such a dick he couldn't be happy for his brother? No, that wasn't it, definitely. But what the hell? Why would they just run off like that? Why weren't him and Ryan invited, at the very least. Blackwell always touted how she and Ryan were like sisters, well, why weren't they invited to stand up with them? Even at Sam's last sham of a marriage, under the effects of a fucking love spell, Sammy had called and invited him to stand up with him.

He hadn't realized anyone had walked in until he glanced up from his spot on the couch and saw Andy there. He scowled and looked back at his feet. "Shouldn't you be partying, Blackwell?"

She smirked as she sat next to him. He hadn't even realized he'd sat down. "I got a new last name, you know."

His jaw ticked, but he remained silent.

She sighed and clasped her hands together. "You don't like me. I get it. I'm not good enough for him. I get that. But he chose me. I didn't stalk him."

Dean turned then and looked at her. She was close to tears and he hated he'd done that to her. This was supposed to be the happiest time of her life and he was ruining it. All because he was butt-hurt Sam hadn't asked him to be there.

He blew out a breath. "Look, Andy, it's not you, okay? I...I seen him hurt too damn many times and I'm supposed to look after him, you know? That was my main job for almost my whole life. And now I..."

She put a hand on his arm. "I swear to you, Dean, I'll make him happy. And the minute I stop making him happy, I'll tap out. That's my vow to you. You've raised him. You've looked out for him. You've taught him every damn thing he knows about being a good man and I don't discount that. Me and him being married won't change what the two of you have any more than you and Ryan changed it before. I've talked with Ryan, long and hard about what it takes to love one of you. It means loving the other as well. You two boys are a unit. I get that. I respect that. I'm just honored to be on the outskirts of it. I've never...I can't imagine...I don't..." She was biting her lip and he could see her trying so damn hard not to be a _girl _in this instance, but it was failing her.

He couldn't help the smile as he pulled her to him for a hug. "Come on, Doc, have the damn chick flick moment, alright? I won't tell."

She let out a strangled laugh/cry and hugged him back as hard as she could. He patted her hair and kissed it. "You're not so bad, Andy. And honestly, I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to my little brother. I mean, some of his biggest trouble comes from demons. And what are you? A specialist at getting rid of demons. You're badass, you don't take shit from him. Or me. And you're Ryan's best friend. That's three for three. So...I don't think he could have chosen anyone better, alright?"

She sniffed and pulled away from him, rubbing the tears from her eyes, making black circles with her mascara and he chuckled as he reached next to him to hand her a tissue from the box. He smirked at her. "Mop up, Rocket."

She wiped her eyes and when the tissue came back black, she growled, "Fuck."

He laughed again.

"Ha, ha, ha. If I'm Rocket, does that make you Groot?"

He snorted. "Nah, that's Sammy."

Her eyebrows rose. "That's some fucked up fanfiction, Deano, Rocket and Groot? Ew."

He shrugged. "I'm sure somebody somewhere has wrote it." He appraised her. She really was the best choice for Sam. "I'm happy for you and Sammy. I really am. Honest to God, you're the best damn thing that ever happened to that lanky geek brother of mine. Besides me that is."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled.

He was really trying to work on his damn communication skills, so, he added, "I just...damn, I wanted to do the whole best man thing, you know? For real this time."

"This time?"

"Yeah, the love potion...stage five clinger Becky...that whole Vegas marriage stunt...I wanted Sammy to get..." he shook his head. "I'm happy for him. This is what he wants. You. And he didn't care how he got it. So, I'm glad. Sam's always been the one that went out and got what he wanted. He wanted college and he got Stanford. He wanted you, well, he nutted up and asked you."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "He's a hell of a lot better at knowing what he wants than I am. Just ask Ryan. We dicked around for almost twenty fucking years before I managed to..." He blew out a breath. "So, I'm happy for you, alright? Sorry I acted like an ass about it."

Her brows were furrowed as he stood. "I gotta go tell Sam the same thing, okay?"

She blinked and nodded. "Yeah. I get that. Go tell him."

He strode with purpose down the steps, down the small boardwalk through the dunes to where Sam was standing, talking with Ben. He had just gotten to Sam's side when Andy shrieked from the porch, "WAIT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'THIS TIME'?"

Dean winced as Sam just looked at him. "Uh, Sam, I'm really glad you got married and I'm really happy for you. But, uh, I may have inadvertently let it slip that she's your second wife, so..."

"SAMUEL WINCHESTER!"

Both men winced. "Uh...I'll help ya if I got to," Dean told him, barely holding in a shiver. "But that's one scary little woman standing there." Dean clapped Sam on the back. "Best of luck to you, brother."

* * *

Luckily, Andy wasn't too terribly pissed about the whole Becky thing, at least, not at Sam, though, Dean had the feeling, if Andy ever met Becky...he'd be having to help hide a body. After that, everyone settled down easily enough. Sam and Andy still wanted to stay with the group. They'd had their wedding night, so they were eager to continue the vacation with everyone else.

After dinner, Dean was playing Legos with Bobby and Sam on the coffee table while the girls were chatting over some sort of fruity something-or-other Ryan had blended up. He'd had a sip of Ryan's. It wasn't bad tasting, he had to admit. Cas was upstairs doing his heavenly duties, so Tory was being sociable. So sociable, in fact, he'd already heard too much about her and the angel's sex life. He'd had to warn her to shut her trap before he shut it for her. She'd rolled her eyes, but had, at least, moved on to another subject.

He heard the door open and the three teens walked in.

"Hey, guys," Ryan said as Hope came to perch on the arm of her chair. "Find anything interesting?"

"As a matter of fact, we did! Tell them, Kris."

"It's this place called 'WonderWorks' I don't know if you saw it as we drove past...it looks like a building upside down?"

Hope, it seemed, couldn't contain her excitement, because she chimed in, "Anyway they have all kinds of cool science stuff and they have laser tag. We thought it would be cool if we all went tomorrow, when it's not quite so crowded. What do you say?"

"Really?" Sam chimed in as he finished constructing the wall to the fort he was building. "Sounds fun. I'm in."

"Me too," Ryan added.

"Me three!" Andy said on a nod as she clinked glasses with Ryan.

As if she'd noticed he had remained silent, Ryan asked, "Dean? What do you say?"

He hung his head and groaned before looking up with a half-hearted smile. "Sure. Sounds like a blast."

"Wow, Dad. Your enthusiasm almost floored me," Hope commented. "Seriously, I think I'm getting misty eyed over here."

"Yeah, Wyatt, I'm surprised at you," Andy interjected. "You look like someone just walked over your grave."

"Clint Eastwood would never walk away from a gunfight," Sam reminded him.

"Alright! Alright! Bunch of smart asses," Dean grumbled. "Just remember, I don't wanna hear any crying and whining when I smoke all you amateurs."

"Wow," Ben interjected. "That's big talk coming from someone building...what is that, a tree house?"

"It's an epic pirate tree fort, I'll have you know, and it's what Bobby wanted," Dean sneered. "You wanna go against me where guns are involved? Fine. Challenge accepted."

"Bring your A game, Winchester," Krissy stated playfully as she poked Ben in the ribs. Dean had noticed she'd been calling Ben 'Winchester' for days and Ben had taken to it surprisingly easy.

"Can't bring an A game unless you HAVE game," Hope teased.

Ben just looked at Hope. "I have enough to shut down your trash talk, you little jerk."

"Bitch," Hope fired back.

"Language!" Ryan and Sam shouted in unison.

Krissy giggled. "Come on. Let's take a walk on the beach. We need to get to bed and be up fairly early though. The place opens at like, ten o'clock in the morning and we want to be rested. It's supposed to take a few hours to go through, even without the laser tag. I guess we should plan on being there all day."

"Sounds awesome. There's a cool burger place near there, too. We can make Dad happy after we annihilate him," Hope added as the three walked out the sliding door.

Ryan looked at Dean. "What's the matter with you? Could you make it any more obvious that you hate this idea?"

"Doubt it," he told her. "But I can try, if you insist." He turned back to the tree fort and added a cannon, but feeling Ryan's gaze boring a hole in his skull, he sighed and told her, "Look, I don't hate this idea. I realize this is a family vacation. And I think it's fair to say that up until now, I've been all about spending time with the kids, Sam, Andy, Cas..." he shuddered and added, "Tory..."

He heard Tory growl out a playful, "Bite me, Dean."

"But?" Ryan implored softly.

"You really want me to say it in front of an audience?"

Ryan simply popped an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Fine." He covered Bobby's ears with his hands before he blurted out, "This is also my honeymoon, and I'm about to bust a fucking nut."

"Dude, come ON!" Sam pleaded with a disgusted look. "I'd like to have one conversation, just one, where I don't have to stave off mental images of you having sex!"

Andy snorted in laughter and Ryan smiled as she attempted to hold her giggles in.

"I AM comin' on! I mean it, Ry, I'd like to have at least ONE story about doing unspeakable things to you in the sand."

"Do you _not _remember what we just did in the fucking sand a few nights ago? I mean...I realize I was the one tied to the pier, but still..."

"Ryan! Overshare!" Dean shouted as Sam just groaned, murmuring, "My poor ears didn't need to hear that..."

"Whoa! Nice!" Tory crowed. "Up top," she told Ryan as she held up a hand for a high-five.

"What are we? Teenage boys?" Ryan asked her, but gave her a high-five anyway.

"Come on, Ryan, have a heart," Andy managed between laughs. "Poor guy's obviously in some serious pain."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Please. Like you aren't getting enough!"

"I...that...it's...damn it, Ryan."

Her eyes narrowed. "Look. I respect the hell out of the fact you want this to be a honeymoon, but news flash, sugar, YOU were the one that wanted this to be a family vacation. If you ain't getting enough nookie, that's not on ME." He blinked as she smirked and toasted his direction with her cup. "Play laser tag. Have fun with the kids. Then we'll talk."

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Seven (Monday)**

When Dean walked out of the bedroom, everyone was assembled in the living area, all of them dressed in shorts and sneakers.

He glanced over at Cas, who was attempting to tie his shoes. Apparently he'd come in sometime during the night. Dean didn't want to know how Tory greeted him. He heard enough of it as it was. It was odd, however, seeing Cas in anything other than his suit and trench coat, but apparently Tory had bought him a whole new wardrobe. Cas had been popping in and out, going up to check in on Heaven and then back down to Allard, so Dean had gotten used to finding the angel joining their group. "Cas? You going, too?"

"Yes. If I could figure out how to tie..."

"I's can help!" Bobby shouted as he ran over to Cas. "I's can help, Cas!" They'd been working on teaching the boy how to tie his shoes.

"Thank you, Bobby."

"Oh my God," Dean heard Tory mutter as she snapped a picture of the little boy explaining about bunny ears and the magic knot. Dean's brow furrowed. He had the feeling Tory was getting really serious about Cas. He wasn't sure how that one was going to end.

His eyes traveled to Ryan, who smiled serenely. "Good morning, babe," she purred as she sidled up to him with a cup of coffee. Oddly enough, she hadn't been pissed at him for not wanting to do this whole thing, but had growled at him and stated in no uncertain terms that she didn't like their sex life displayed for everyone to see, even if she one-upped him in the oversharing department. He had agreed it wasn't his finest hour, but the stolen moments, the 'quick, get me off before anyone wakes up' thing was getting old. She had reminded him that was how it was at home occasionally, too. And she had been right, they _were _having plenty of sex, he just wanted...more. Like, 'spend the whole day in bed naked, only getting up for food or to pee' kind of more. And he realized he wasn't going to get it. Didn't stop him from wanting it though.

He kissed her quickly and took the cup from her. "You're a lifesaver. So...are you ready for WonderWorks?"

She nodded. "I'm actually looking forward to it. They have a wind tunnel where you can feel the winds of a tornado or hurricane or something and you can lie on a bed of nails. They have a 6D movie theater and a roller coaster simulator..."

"You...like roller coasters?" he asked, attempting not to shudder. He didn't like airplanes and he did _not _like roller coasters.

She nodded with wide eyes. "Roller coasters are my favorite. I've taken Hope to quite a few amusement parks around the country. She's enough like me, she loves the thrill rides. I can't wait to ride that one. It should be a lot of fun and it's very educational, too."

His eyebrow shot up and he shot her a look over the coffee cup. He took a sip then said, "Is that so?"

"Yep. Want to ride the roller coaster with me?"

He was spared answering by Ben stating loudly as he rubbed his hands together. "So, teams. How do we do this? Boys against girls?"

"Nice try, bro, but not happening," Hope replied. "Boys outnumber girls."

Dean thought about it a moment and grinned as he came up with a strategy. "How about adults against kids? Four adults, four kids. Sounds fair to me."

Hope narrowed her eyes, almost as if she were insulted as she figured out what he was up to. _Smart little shit, _he thought. The girl thought a moment before she stated, "Fine. But we get Cas, too."

"What?! How is that fair?"

"You wanna talk about fair? You team four seasoned hunters against four kids, one of which happens to be a four-year-old. Bobby and Cas can count as one."

"Well, Cas, you in?" Dean asked the angel.

"Go on, babe," Tory stated. "I can handle this guy," she added as she bounced Jon in her arms. "That way the rest of you can play."

"I do not know how much help I can be. I have only fired a gun once," Cas began.

"Just point the laser at the blinky lights and pull the trigger. It's easy," Hope commented as she slapped Cas on the back.

"Since when do you know how to play laser tag?" Dean asked her.

"Since I went with my girl scout troop. And trust me; you ain't seen competitive until you see ten tween girls fighting it out for bragging rights to the boys at school."

"You win?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.

She grinned. "I wiped the floor with them, thank you very much."

She was a confident little shit, he had to hand it to her. "Fine. Shall we shake on it?" Dean asked her.

Hope seemed to contemplate that before a wicked Winchester smirk graced her lips and she held out her hand. "So...you're team captain and I'm team captain?"

"As long as it works for everyone else."

No one seemed to have an objections so Hope stated loudly, "Okay, Bobby, you're riding in the jeep with us. We need to plan our strategies."

"Yay! I gets to ride wif sissy! Mama! Move my car seat!"

"Please," Dean reminded him sternly.

Bobby blinked. "Pwease? Pwease to move my car seat?"

Ryan smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'll move your car seat to Krissy's jeep."

"Yesssss!" the boy crowed.

Ryan eyed the older kids. "I hope you three know what you're getting into."

Ben just smiled and hoisted Bobby onto his shoulders. "Don't worry. We got this. Come on, Bro. Let's head out."

Bobby giggled as they walked out the door.

"Guess I'd better get Cas situated with them? Or maybe he can just ride with me," Tory stated as she handed Jon to Dean before walking out as well.

Dean glanced at the baby and tickled his neck before he realized the other three adults were staring at him. "What?"

"Pretty low, Dean, and that's saying something coming from me," Andy told him. "I'm as competitive as they come and I wouldn't do anything that underhanded."

"Seriously, babe, I thought you agreed you were gonna try and have some fun," Ryan added, arms folded.

"I WILL have fun! But that doesn't mean we have to be at the place all damn day, either. We go in smart, take out all the squirts, we're home before you know it. Then I get to use tanning oil in ways the label never intended." He kissed Ryan's temple and tacked on, "External use only, my ass."

Sam let out a groan. "Alright, can we do this already? Be careful, Dean, I may just sneak a real gun in and snuff you to spare me the hassle of moments like this."

Andy smirked. "I don't know, sounds kind of promising, Sam. Seeing you oiled up with that tan?" She walked closer to him, waggling her eyebrows. "Later, you Tarzan, me Jane."

Sam cleared his throat and stated quietly, "I like the sound of that."

"Alright, Tarzan, can you not right now?" Dean pleaded.

"Turnabout's fair play, asshat," Sam shot back. "Alright, I'm with Dean...let's get in there and do this thing and get home."

Ryan and Andy exchanged a look.

"What?" the two men asked in unison.

"We aren't doing the laser tag until after we've done everything else."

"Meaning...?"

Ryan smiled as she headed toward the door. "Meaning, you've got a long few hours ahead of you, Winchester boys."

Dean glanced at the baby in his arms. "What'cha say, Jon? Think us old people can take the kids?"

The baby laughed. He wasn't sure that was a good thing or not.

* * *

**Krissy POV**

They walked outside and assembled over by Krissy's jeep. "Okay, Dad's counting on taking us all out quick because we're kids, but he didn't take into account that they trained us and three of us are angels," Hope began.

"Where does that leave me?" Ben asked softly. "I don't have wings OR hunter training. Doesn't that make me fodder?"

"Nah," Krissy replied as she appraised him. Just because he didn't have experience, didn't mean he couldn't do this thing. She'd seen him play video games with Hope. He was Winchester competitive, that much was for sure. "Just stick with me, follow my lead. Do what I tell you to do and they'll never see you coming. They sure as hell won't expect you to be competition, so we've got that working in our favor."

Ben huffed out a breath. "Thanks...I guess."

Hope smiled. "Wait. Let me do you one better." She grasped Ben's hand with one of hers and placed two fingertips on his temple. She closed her eyes and concentrated a moment before she blinked her eyes open and smiled. "There."

His brow furrowed. "What did you do?"

"I gave you all the training I have from Mom."

"Hope! That's cheating!" Krissy exclaimed.

"No, it's not. I wanted Ben to know how to fight anyway. He needs to know how to handle any monsters that come our way, even if Dad doesn't think he needs to. This way, he's got the training. As for the instincts, well, he's a Winchester. He's already got those, don't you, Ben?"

He thought a moment before he smiled. "Wow. Thanks, Hope."

She shrugged before she knelt down to Bobby's level. "Alright, little man, can Gabriel come out to play? We need you to distract Daddy and Uncle Sam. Think you can do that?"

Bobby looked at her confused for moment. "But, Daddy said not to use my powers and Mama says not to cheat."

Hope nodded. "And they're right. Usually. But this...it's not cheating. Think of it like this; Uncle Sam's a big guy, right?"

"He's sooooo big!" Bobby stated, wide-eyed.

Hope nodded again. "Right. So, is it fair for him to be able to walk around on those stilts with Dad and be able to run us all down?"

Bobby thought a moment and Hope could see the wheels turning in the boy's head. "Sissy! They gonna cheat!" A mischievous grin played at the corners of his mouth. "I won't let 'em."

"Good on ya. Thanks, Gabe." She stood and glanced at Cas, who was talking to Tory. Krissy watched her fake a hopeful look and state, "Good luck. Make Heaven proud, okay?"

He nodded and climbed into Tory's van.

She turned and whispered to Ben and Krissy, "He's the fodder. He just doesn't know it yet."

Krissy and Ben shared a look before she climbed behind the wheel. Ben grabbed Bobby's seat from Ryan, and settled it in the back before he climbed in back with the little dude. He glanced back up at Hope who was climbing into the shotgun seat. "Hope...uh, are you sure you don't want Cas to you know, like, fight? Isn't he an angel of the lord?"

She rolled her eyes as she slipped on her sunglasses. "So? So am I." She slipped the shades down her nose and eyeballed him. "What's your point?"

"Nothing. I just...he's a Seraph, right? A warrior angel? Don't we want him fighting?"

She rolled her eyes again. Okay. Ryan was right, it was annoying. But the angel girl was a teenager, just like the rest of them. "Angel wars, Ben. Totally different than human wars. Besides, it's laser tag for goodness sake! It's not like I want him smiting anybody. I just want them to lose. I want him to lose so bad he never questions me again."

Ben blinked. "Uh, okay..."

She smiled. "It's fine, Ben, trust me. I'm an angel. How can I lead you astray?"

He didn't answer as he snapped Bobby into his seat belt. "Ready to go," he stated after he buckled his own.

Hope slipped her sunglasses back up her nose. "Come on, guys. Let's smoke those old fogies."

* * *

Krissy had never been anywhere like WonderWorks. Of course, she'd never imagined a life like this, either. She had found a home unlike she'd had...ever. Even being with her dad, who she loved more than anything in the world, wasn't anything like this. The Winchesters had taken her in and welcomed her with open arms, and with Ryan, she'd found a mother. She had all but forgotten what it was like to have one of those.

And Hope was like the sister she'd never had. They spent long hours talking about life, about hunting, about what it was to be human...Hope didn't act like one of the heavenly host. Most of the time, she just acted like a human teenager. She had grown up overnight, it seemed. One day Hope had gone to bed an eleven year old, and the next morning, she woke up fourteen at the least. But it worked for her. Hope had admitted, Gabriel had told her she would need to grow up some, that she would need to be a teenager like the ones that would come into her life, so, she had allowed herself just that. She was physically a teen as well as mentally. It was an interesting thing for Krissy to see, it really was.

After they spent a few hours enjoying three of the floors of WonderWorks, finally, it was time. Krissy almost dreaded it. She'd played board games with the Winchesters. Ryan wasn't that competitive, but watching Sam and Dean, or Dean and Hope? Well, it was a full contact sport sometimes.

Once everyone got on their gear, Hope and Dean faced off. Dean smiled. "Okay, cupcake. Now, remember, it's just a game..."

Hope gave him a smirk. "We're gonna roast your asses."

His eyes narrowed. "Bring it, short stuff."

"What's the bet?"

Dean's brows furrowed. "Bet?"

She rolled her eyes again. Krissy had begun to wonder how she managed to stand, she rolled her eyes so much, wasn't she like, dizzy by now? Must be an angel thing, the stamina.

"If we win, full bragging rights, and I get to be a senior this year."

"What?!"

Hope nodded. "I want to graduate with Ben and Kris. I'm ready. You know it, I know it. I want to be done with school and start hunting."

Dean and Ryan shared a look and did that whole 'silent conversation' thing they were so good at. "That doesn't help everyone in your team," Dean reminded her.

Krissy held up a hand. She knew Hope had wanted to be a senior so she could hunt full time. It wouldn't have been Krissy's choice, if she were in her shoes, but she could understand it. "I'm good with it. Ben?"

Ben smiled. "Well, I'm good with you letting Hope be a senior. If I have to hear her talk about the injustice of not being able to hunt one more time, I'm gonna barf." Hope shot him a look and he smiled as he cuffed her on the back. "I love ya, sis, but ya gotta let that one go. Your age is always gonna be a factor, angel or no."

She grumbled under her breath, but eyed Dean again. "So?"

"Your mother and I are willing to talk about it."

Hope sighed. "Good enough."

"Now, for the good stuff. What do we get if we win?" he inquired.

Hope thought about it a moment. "Let me concur with my associates." She grabbed Ben and Krissy in a huddle. "What do you say?"

"Dishes for a week?" Krissy suggested.

"Cleaning the Impala?" Ben offered.

Hope tapped her chin before she smiled. "No. I've got a better one." She turned and looked at him. "Free babysitting, whine-free, for two months."

"Hope!" Krissy shouted.

Hope held up a hand and eyed her father. "Well?"

"Sold."

Krissy watched them shake hands and she sighed. Hope had better have a really good damn plan.

"Two minutes to make your plans, then we're going in," Ryan reminded them as she chatted with Tory and Andy, her gun propped loosely in her arms.

Krissy watched Hope cock her head to the side, listening, no doubt, to Dean's plans as he and Sam had a hurried, whispered conversation. A smirk graced her features before she turned to her teammates. "Okay, here's how we go...Dad will take Sam, leaving Mom and Andy to their own devices..."

"Wait, wouldn't, you know, Dean go with his _wife_?!" Ben exclaimed.

Hope rolled her eyes. "Please. He's out to win. He'll pick his strongest teammate."

"Ouch," Ben winced. "That's harsh."

Krissy folded her arms over her chest. "Sounds kinda shitty to me."

Hope shrugged. "It's what I would do."

Krissy shot her a glare. "As I said. Shitty."

Hope just looked at her. "Yeah, well, that's what he'll do. This is a competition," she added defensively, "Not life or death. Mom won't be pissed because she's out to have fun and she knows she'll have more fun with Andy anyway. Dad will make it a job."

At that, Kris snorted. "No shit."

"Dad doesn't like to lose," Hope commented as she checked her equipment one last time. She glanced back up. "Neither do I. And I don't plan to."

Ben and Krissy shared a look at that. Ben was still new to the family, but Kris had been in on 'Family Game Night' before. Shit got brutal, fast. Especially when you had Hope, Dean, and Sam playing together. This was going to be a bloodbath.

"I say we split into pairs and flank 'em. They'll expect one of us to stay with Bobby and Cas to be wandering around aimlessly."

"Is that not what we are doing?" Cas asked.

Krissy chuckled under her breath. She had to admit, the angel was cute in an older, slightly airheaded way. Of course, she had no doubts he could be a bad ass. She'd heard stories. But he was adorable playing at being a human.

It was funny, she'd never thought of Hope as anything other than a human with angel mojo. Cas was an angel with human, well, he pretended to be human, in any case. There was a difference, and not just in their personalities. Hope acclimated. Krissy wasn't sure if Cas ever would. He was...it was like he was special. Almost handicapped in some way, but...not. She couldn't quite put a finger on it, but that was cool. He was cool. And sweet. And kind of awesome.

Hope smirked. "That's _exactly _what we're doing. Give 'em what they expect, in a way they don't expect it."

Krissy blinked. "What does that even mean?"

Hope's smirk turned slightly evil. "It means you two stay together. Cas, Bobby, you two are with me."

"The angel squad's going in together?"

"Yes...and no," Hope stated. "Just take out Mom and Andy. We've got the boys."

Ben watched the trio walk away and blinked. "Are we still playing a game here?"

Krissy chuckled flatly. "Welcome to the Winchester family, where every game, no matter how fun or family-friendly quickly devolves into a feud of Shakespearean proportions."

"Wow. Good to know."

Krissy blew out a breath. "What'cha say, B-B-W? You in?"

His face showed that damned Winchester smirk as he winked at her. "Let's do this."

She felt her hands shake, just slightly, as she followed him into the labyrinth. She didn't quite know how to handle him on her own. She felt butterflies in her stomach and a knot in her throat. She didn't want to like him...he was Dean's kid, for crying out loud! But she seemed powerless to stop it. She was developing feelings for him. And that was making her more than a little uncomfortable.

They wandered about keeping their ears on alert and their eyes wide in the blacklight lit hallway. She didn't keep an eye on her watch, but she knew at least ten minutes had passed without them seeing anyone in their group. That was when they hit a dead end. They were just turning around when Ben held up a hand, stopping her. "Do you hear that," he breathed close to her ear.

_I hear my damn heart beating out of his chest, Braeden-Winchester, _she thought. She swallowed and squinted slightly as she listened. It was Andy and Ryan, having a whispered conversation.

"I just don't see why they have to take everything so personal. It's a fucking _game,_" Ryan was saying.

"They're Winchesters, Ry. Catch a clue."

"Yeah, well, you're the one that married in."

Andy giggled. "Damn right I did. Gah. Who the fuck would have thought I'd meet a man and two months later, I'd marry him?"

"The heart and soul knows what it wants, what it needs, Andy."

Krissy swallowed. Was that what was happening to her? Was she falling for Ben in a real way? Or was this just a crush? She shook herself out of her musings as she realized... "Shit! We're sitting ducks!'

Ben's brow furrowed in thought a moment before a sly smile spread across his face.

"Hell," Krissy grumbled. "I've seen that look, Braeden, but it usually before Dean does something stupid. What are you thinking?"

The voices were growing louder. It would only be a moment before the ladies would be there, knocking them out of the game. Ben's eyes shot to Krissy's as he asked hurriedly, "Do you trust me?"

"Huh?!"

"I need you to trust me, damn it!"

Her eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth to argue when all of a sudden, his arms went around her waist and his mouth descended to hers.

She stood stock-still for a moment before she began struggling, but he held her tightly as his lips moved, his body pushed into hers, ever so slightly. He was a damn good kisser, and she'd had her fair share of teenage boys trying to work their moves on her. Most of them didn't have any game, but Benjamin Braeden-Winchester was definitely his father's child. Holy shit could he kiss.

She was about to get really into it when she felt him tap her with his gun on her back to get her attention.

Still kissing Ben, she opened her eyes and angled her head slightly to see both women standing, shell-shocked not ten feet away. Ben released her lips only to whisper, "On my mark."

She didn't answer, only continued looking at him, their mouths still touching. She readied her gun behind his back and he nodded, ever so slightly. "Three...two...NOW!" They both turned to Ryan and Andy, and fired.

Ryan looked down at the lights flashing on her chest, then looked back up and gasped. "Ben? Krissy? What the...? Was this a TACTIC?!"

Ben's smirk was firmly in place. "Yeah, and it was hella affective."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Just like your father," she murmured under her breath, and Krissy, who knew the woman well enough, realized the irritation in her voice.

"Yeah, uh, sorry, Ryan," Ben stated, rubbing the back of his neck and looking exactly like Dean. "I mean, this is about winning." He looked at Krissy. "Right, Chambers?"

Krissy wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment. She was dead inside. It was...it was a tactic. It didn't mean anything. She didn't know why she was surprised. "Uh, yeah, right. Sorry, guys. You know how Hope is...she's Dean's female version, am I right?"

Andy, who had been more than amused, began laughing. "Damn. I'm impressed, you two! Talk about using what ya got!"

Ryan, however, didn't seem to be remotely amused and began to berate them both. "I hate to imagine what you'd cook up if you had more time to think! Would we have seen skin for you to win this damn thing?! Why can't we just have a nice, normal game for once instead of a fucking bloodbath?!"

Andy, who finally managed to stop laughing, wiped her eyes and put a hand on Ryan's arm. "Are you kidding? Damn, after seeing that, I ain't even mad about losing. Hell, I'm seriously impressed, Ben, and a little jealous, to be honest."

Ryan's eyes grew wide before they narrowed at her friend and she smacked Andy on the arm. "Do NOT encourage him! He's already enough like Dean to make me and Lisa both lose sleep at night without you adding fuel to the fire."

Andy held up both her hands in surrender before she replied, "Alright, fine...but let me just say this; Ben, you did your Dad proud today." Her comment earned her a well-placed punch to the side. Not enough to hurt her, but enough to make her grunt. "OW! Damn it. Come on, you can't call me a liar, not about this."

"It doesn't mean I have to like it," Ryan growled.

"You're just more upset about Ben and Kris getting one over on us than you are about how they did it."

Ryan's jaw ticked. She crossed her arms and smirked. "This ain't over, not by a long shot."

"How do you figure?" Ben asked arrogantly. "By my count, you two just lost."

Ryan was almost as tall as Ben, well, a lot taller than Krissy or Andy was, in any case. She sidled over to him and got in his space. "Don't get too cocky, Ben," she warned him, her voice low, dangerous, reminding Krissy of the fact just because Ryan spent most of her days with a baby and a toddler, she was still one of the most dangerous women on the planet. It made Krissy take an automatic step back.

Ryan smiled softly, but Kris could see the cold calculation in the woman's eyes. It almost didn't surprise Kris when Ryan continued, "As good as this show was, it won't be anything compared to seeing you two explain yourselves to Dean. I'd much rather lose here than with him."

Ben's eyes widened in fear and Krissy could see the moment the nausea set in. Ben might be Dean's, might act a lot like him, but he wasn't a fighter. He didn't like to argue, and didn't, very often. Sure, he play argued with her, with Hope, but he wasn't one for confrontation. It wasn't a negative trait. Truthfully, they could all use a bit less confrontation in their lives.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, um..."

"Yep," Ryan sighed with a smile. "You know what? I gotta admit, thinking about it now? I'm NOT mad about losing anymore. What'cha say, Andy? Let's go grab Tory and Jon, head home. Let's get the popcorn ready. Want to see some fireworks tonight?"

Andy's smirk matched Ryan's. "Absolutely. This will totally be worth the price of admission." They shared a fist bump before they sauntered off, giggling. They were at the end of the corridor when Andy shouted back, "Nice knowing you, Braeden!"

He stood there, blinking a moment before he turned to Krissy, that fucking smirk on his face. "Well, that work-" he was cut off by the slap as Krissy snapped his head back from the force of the blow. He didn't even fight it when she followed it with a mean right hook, one that almost knocked his ass to the ground and made him stumble back into the wall.

"Who the HELL do you think you are?!" she shrieked. Her brain and heart were tumbling messes. Sure, they beat the other two, but she was the one that got played! "I can't believe..." she shook her head. Was that all she was? Fodder? Was she the damn joke in this? "You are...and I just...and now Dean's gonna..."

She took a deep breath as she squared her shoulders and tossed her ponytail. She jabbed a finger in Ben's chest and warned, "Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't even _think _about me. For a very long time."

He glanced down at her finger before looking back up at her. And then the smug son of a bitch smiled.

She took an automatic step back, uncomfortable with his expression and added, "Don't look at me like that, either."

She turned and began storming away. That was when she heard him mutter, "Even if Dean kills me, it was worth it."

That was all it took and the waterworks started. She'd never felt so fucking used in her entire life, and she had been used as bait for monsters. She wandered aimlessly, just trying to get the hell out of the maze. She wasn't watching where she was going and literally bumped into Sam. He caught her arms before she went down and she looked up at him. "Take me out, will ya? I want to get out of here."

The game forgotten momentarily, he asked her, "Are you okay?"

She laughed, and even to her, it sounded a little hysterical. "Peachy. I just...I don't feel good. We took out Ryan and Andy. They're going back to the house with Tory and Jon. I'm going to hitch a ride back with them."

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'll live," she stated. At his worried glance, she sighed and her shoulders dropped. "Girl troubles, okay? Now leave me the fuck alone, Sam! I just wanna go home!"

He took a step back and she almost felt like chuckling. Almost. Sam was so out of his element when it came to girls, periods, or anything involving her or Hope's development. So was Dean. It made her want to curse them both with more girls in their lives. She'd have to work on that spell when she got back to the MOL bunker.

He held up both hands. "Sure. Just, ah, let me..." he shot her sensor and she nodded.

"Good. Thanks. Now go kill something, would ya?"

He swallowed and nodded before turning and walking away.

She sighed. This day couldn't be over soon enough.

* * *

**Hope POV **

She watched Krissy and Ben walk off before she turned to her angel brethren. She squared her shoulders. "Okay, Cas, just go on out there and search. I'll keep Bobby with me."

He eyed her a moment. "I realize I was not the leader of a garrison in Heaven, but I have lead troops, Hope. I fail to understand exactly why you need my assistance."

"I, uh, I need you to just, um...walk around out there, keep your head down, and blast anyone you come across."

"But that doesn't sound very strategic. And while I realize you never lead a garrison, either, surely you learned strategy in hunting from your mother..." He trailed off and he frowned. "I see."

"What?"

His jaw set. "It sounds as though you need someone to be expendable. And it sounds like that is me."

She sighed. "Cas, I'm sorry, but you kind of are. This thing between me and Dad...there will be casualties. It's just the matter of war. The only way we can get close to Dad and Sam is if they're keeping you in their sights. Trust me though, if Dad gets close enough to you, I won't be far behind."

"Fine," Cas stated, sounding somewhat offended. "Although, I should warn you, your father isn't easily tricked."

"Tell me something I don't know." She smiled. "That's why we have the Trickster," she added with a pat to Bobby's head. "He'll see to it they stay busy while we go in for the kill."

Cas sighed. "I fail to understand the value of playing war," he murmured as he walked down the hall.

Hope glanced at Bobby, "Sam and Dad may be older in these vessels, but we've got millenia of experience." She lifted her gun higher. "Let's roast these noobs."

* * *

Stalking her father and Sam had been too much fun. But eventually, Hope came to an intersection and she peeked around the corner before flattening herself against the wall. "Crap!" she whispered. "They're both standing right there!" She took a deep, cleansing breath before she shooed Cas and Bobby both back a step. "Damn it," she muttered as she lightly banged her head on the wall. She hadn't wanted the game to be over yet. She was enjoying the cat-and-mouse. She'd already let her mom and Andy slip past her, had seen both Sam and her dad on their own and had managed to avoid them. They could turn tail and try again in a bit, but she noticed Bobby was starting to lose interest. And when Gabriel lost interest in something, he either made things interesting, or he blew the whole thing up. Occasionally, literally. She sighed. No time like the present.

She turned to Bobby and knelt down to his level. "Okay, buddy-boy, this is it. Show time. Think you can handle being a distraction, Gabriel?"

The little boy didn't answer save for a wicked grin, a giggle, and to disappear.

"No! No, no, no!" she cried as softly as she could as she pounded a fist on the floor. "Damn it, Gabe," she growled.

"Hope, this is just a game," Castiel reminded her.

She glared at him, her eyes flashing blue for just a moment. "I. Want. To. Win."

He took a step back. Cas wasn't quite as strong as he once was, and they both knew it. Even though Hope's powers were fluctuating and she hadn't received all her grace yet, she was still hella powerful. She could hurt him if she directed her anger at him.

She took another breath to calm herself and muttered, "Well, the worst Gabe can do is go pop in on Mom. She knows how to handle him. That will probably be worse on him than it will be on me." She thought another moment. "Okay, Cas. Change of plans..."

* * *

**Dean POV **

Sam walked back up to him. "Well?" Dean asked. "How's it look?"

"I didn't see any of the angel squad. I took out Ben and Krissy."

"Hey, good job."

Sam shrugged. "It was easy enough since they were both alone."

Dean furrowed his brows. "Really? I mean, I get why Hope would choose for Ben to be the fodder, he doesn't have any training, but why would Krissy go it alone? She's smarter than that and Hope is smarter than that to send her in without a partner.

"I don't know. All I know is, she was...upset, maybe? Then when I asked her about it, she got pissed. Like, 'cat being given a bath' kind of pissed. She asked me to take her out. Said they got Ryan and Andy...they were gonna grab Tory and head home."

"That's odd. I mean, if she was alone, she wasn't with Hope, which is surprising since they're practically conjoined twins. So, obviously, Hope thought Kris would be better off without her. She wouldn't pair Kris with Cas, so that means..." Dean's eyes narrowed as realization hit. "Shit. Ben."

"What?" Sam had a look of suspense on his face. "WHAT, damn it?"

"BEN. Oh, believe me," Dean muttered, shaking a finger, "There's a story, and I'd bet money, he's at the bottom of it."

"Okay..." Sam shrugged again. "But what can you do?"

"Trust me, I can do plenty. I just have to figure out what."

Sam's eyebrow popped. "You mean you're gonna meddle. When has that ever ended well for you? Why can't you just let this go and hang back? Trust them to come to one of us if something comes up they can't handle."

"First off, I don't meddle. I'm just...concerned. Kris is like my daughter, man, and Ben...God help us, he's a lot like me."

"I get that. But leave me out of it. I'm not gonna be the Ethel to your Lucy this time."

"Bite my ass, Sam."

"Seriously. She's smart, Dean. She wants to get torn up over him, it will be her decision, not his."

Dean blew out a breath. "Fucking teenage hormones...gonna drive me to an early grave."

Sam smirked. "Well, since you've already dug yourself out of one, I assume you could do it again."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

Dean opened his mouth to say something else when another voice cut him off. "Hi, Daddy!"

Dean looked around, more than a little confused, before he knelt down in front of his son. "Hey, champ. Why are you wandering around by yourself? Where's Hope?"

Bobby shrugged, laughed again, and disappeared into thin air.

Startled, Dean jumped and stumbled backward, nearly knocking Sam down in the process. They both stared, slack-jawed at the empty space where Bobby stood just a moment before.

"Holy..."

"...Shit," Dean finished. Still staring, he asked Sam, "What the hell?"

"I don't know," Sam answered, still obviously dumbfounded.

After a long pause, Dean finally blinked. Turning to face his brother, he pleaded, "Seriously, dude. What. The. Hell?!"

Sam shot Dean a look before answering with a shove to Dean's shoulder. "I. Don't. Know. He's YOUR kid, what are you asking ME for?! How long has Bobby been doing that?"

"I didn't know he COULD do it until now!"

Just then, Bobby reappeared between them and gave Sam's shirt a tug. He looked up at him and waved. "Hi, Unca Sam!" and then he was gone again.

The men looked at one another wide-eyed as suddenly they were surrounded by his childish laughter, but couldn't pinpoint his location.

They backed into each other, both still looking around wildly as the laughter filled the dark space. That was when Sam commented, "No offense, Dean, but this is, by far, the creepiest fucking stunt your kid has ever pulled."

"No argument here," Dean murmured.

Bobby chose that moment to pop back in and kick Dean in the shin before winking out of sight once more.

"Ow! Dammit!" Dean growled as he leaned down and grabbed his leg, rubbing it lightly. "One thing's for damn sure," he stated through clenched teeth. "That ain't Bobby. GABRIEL!" he roared. "Show yourself, you little shit!"

"You really think now's the time to get testy with him, Dean?" Sam managed, his voice if not hysterical, incredulous at the very least. "We don't know what a toddler fully equipped with angel mojo, and now, apparently, angel WINGS is capable of!"

Gabriel appeared in front of him and took Sam's hand. To Dean's amazement, both of them vanished.

"You've got to be KIDDING me!" Dean shouted. He started to panic, but calmed down as he thought about Gabriel's usual motives. Bobby knew this was a game. He wouldn't hurt Sam. He didn't have a mean bone in his body. He was just... "Son of a bitch." Dean was getting his just desserts. Hope had somehow tricked the Trickster. "That little asshole just leveled the playing field." He smiled despite himself. His daughter was one hell of a strategist, he had to hand it to her. "Well played, Hope," he stated quietly.

He glanced up and spotted Cas, who was just standing, looking unsure about what he was doing. "Typical," Dean muttered, shaking his head. The idea came to him unbidden. It was underhanded, that was for sure. But when it came to winning, or more importantly, the sex following the winning, all bets were off.

Glancing around for Hope, he stepped out into the hallway, motioning for Cas with his gun. "Psst! Cas!" he whisper-yelled. "Cas! I need your help. It's about Bobby!"

The angel jogged over to Dean, concern painted on his face. "Is he alright? What can I do to help?"

"Now? Nothing," Dean replied as he butted the gun against the angel's chest and pulled the trigger, knocking Cas out of the game. Dean chuckled. "That was so easy, I almost feel sorry for you."

Cas didn't look mad. In fact, he smiled. "Almost too easy?"

Dean shot him a quizzical look before he noticed Castiel's gaze shift to behind him. "No way," he growled as he spun and saw his daughter smiling.

As Hope pulled the trigger, she taunted, "A hunter, Dean Freaking Winchester, no less, oughta smell that kind of ambush a mile away. I gotta say, Dad, I'm a little underwhelmed."

"Son of a..." Dean turned back to Cas, who was smirking. He didn't say a word as he winked at Dean and disappeared as well.

Turning back to Hope, more than a little flustered, Dean pointed and shouted, "You cheated!"

Hope laughed as they made their way to the exit. "Like hell, Dad! You're just a sore loser!"

"Really? Want to explain your brother?"

Her expression turned sincere for a moment. "Seriously, I had no idea he could do that! All I asked him to do was distract you and Sam! But the rest?" Her eyes narrowed as she gloated, "The rest was just good old fashioned cloak-and-dagger stuff. And it worked. Admit it, Dad, you got outplayed."

As they breached the entrance and rejoined Ben, Sam, Bobby, and Cas, Dean tossed his gun to the ground. "Fine! But I want a rematch. Best two out of three."

Hope gave Dean a self-satisfied smirk.

"Well?!"

She looked him up and down. With a shake to her head, she laughed and said, "Nah. I'm good."

"Good? Y-You're good?"

She smirked once more and nodded. "Yep. I'm good." She turned to Ben and tossed him some keys. "Come on, Bros. Kris gave me her jeep keys. Let's head back to the house. The men can ride in Tory's van. Cas has the keys."

She winked at Dean and shot him the peace sign. "Peace out, bitches."

As they watched her walk away, Ben and Bobby following in her wake, Sam muttered, "Cas, I'm pretty sure Gabriel fucked up when he chose Winchesters as his and Hope's vessels."

Castiel chuckled. "I believe he made the best choice. But that is a matter of opinion."

* * *

**Krissy POV **

While everyone else was still playing the game, Krissy dashed out to the parking lot, hoping and praying she saw the women in her group. Luckily they were just putting Jon into his car seat. "Can I hitch a ride?" she managed, though the tears were still under the surface.

Ryan eyeballed her. "You okay?"

She sniffed, but nodded. "Yeah, I just...I'm out, so can I go with you?"

She didn't miss the look Ryan and Andy shared, but then Ryan turned back to her. "Sure. No problem. We're going to go chill at the house."

"Thanks," she murmured as she slipped into the third row of seats and balled herself up, pulling her legs to her chest and resting her head on her knees.

They were all quiet for a little while. Jon was babbling in baby language and Krissy smiled over the seat at him, playing peek-a-boo for a few moments.

Finally, Ryan gazed into the back and their eyes caught in the rear view mirror. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Krissy stated petulantly.

Ryan didn't appear to be affronted. In fact, she gave Kris a soft smile. "Those Winchester boys...they fuck up your head like nobody's business. I should know. I've been in love with one my whole life."

"It's not...that's not..." Krissy blew out a breath. "I don't know what happened."

"Did he...did he try to..." she stopped and tried again. "He didn't get forceful, did he?"

Kris shot her a look. "You and I both know Ben Braeden Winchester can get all he wants for free. All he has to do is smile and ask."

"Like his father and uncle," Andy commented.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, but if you don't want to give it..."

"I don't know," Krissy admitted quietly. "I mean, I'm not some innocent little virgin, you know. I've done it before."

Andy turned in her seat. "Just because you've done it once, that doesn't make you an expert. If you want it, go for it, but if you don't, he needs to know. And I'll kick his ass if he tries it. We gotta stick together."

"Yeah," Tory put in. "And if Andy has trouble kicking his ass, I know where to bury the body."

Krissy laughed as tears began pouring down her face. "What did I do to deserve three wonderful women like you in my life?"

Tory reached over the seat and took her hand. "We're all the odd ones out. Hunting is a man's game. We stick together. We're better together. We're better, smarter, more cunning than they are, but they only see us as tits and asses. Well, fuck them and fuck that. If you don't want to invest the time into him, don't. Just put him out of your mind entirely."

"But," Ryan added, "If you think you want to pursue this, we won't stand in your way."

"But...Dean..."

Ryan smirked. "Let me handle Dean. This is on you, Kris. Your decision. I have the distinct impression Dean will tear Ben a new one for even forcing that kiss on you, anyway."

"It was a surprise, but I wouldn't say it was forced..."

"Did you ask for it?"

"No."

"Then it was forced. Plain and simple. He's got to learn he can't do shit like that."

"It was a tactic."

"He used you," Ryan seethed. "And knowing now it wasn't your idea, or that you didn't willingly go along with it makes me want to drive back there and kick his ass for good measure. He may be Dean's son, but I chose you as a daughter, as did Dean. Trust me, Dean finds out how this went down? Heads will roll."

"I don't want to get him in trouble..."

"He needs to realize he can't do shit like this," Andy added. "It was innocent, yes, but he needs to realize it was inappropriate. Maybe a few hits will drive that home."

Krissy winced. "He, uh, he may have a black eye anyway by the time he gets home..."

Andy's eyebrows rose. "Popped him, huh? Nice."

Ryan blinked. "It's like watching me and Dean 2.0 only without as much of the bad shit."

"And the fact they're doing this in the right order," Andy said, knowingly.

"I'll have you know, I fell in love with him before I got knocked up. I just didn't admit it. To anyone. Least of all, myself," Ryan stated.

"You still went about this ass backward," Andy told her.

"Like you and Sam, eloping?"

Andy shrugged. "We just cut down the cost of the wedding...by like a million percent."

"A million percent? How damn much did you want to spend on your dream wedding, Bridezilla?"

"Ha, ha, fuck and you," Andy shot back. "The point is, we got what we needed in the right order."

"Unless you wind up knocked up from our wedding night," Ryan reminded her.

Andy shuddered. "Uh...no. No thank you. I'm not in the market for kiddos right now."

Ryan smiled. "One day you will be."

Tory sighed and Krissy noticed the older woman seemed to fall in on herself as she leaned against the vehicle's door and look over at Jon, who was currently sucking on his toes. "That must be nice."

"What?" the two other women asked in unison.

"Knowing you have a future. Me and Cas..." She sniffled and then the tears started.

"Oh, honey," Ryan began as Andy reached into the back to grab Tory's knee.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Tory began as she flapped her arms to try and calm herself. "I just...I didn't know I was such a GIRL!" she sobbed.

Krissy's eyes were wide as Ryan made an executive decision to whip into the parking lot of a fast food chain. She turned in her seat to look at Tory. "Tor..."

"I know, I know! Only I'd be stupid enough to fall in love with an angel!" she cried as she wadded both fists against her eyes. "I'm such a fucking idiot!"

"You're not stupid," Andy told her softly. "You're just in love. The heart wants what the heart wants. Yours just wants an angel of the Lord."

"But I'm just a human."

"So? Like that matters?" Ryan put in. "You're who Cas has chosen. Dean's told me, he's never seen Cas like this before. He's in love with you, too."

"You think?"

Ryan blinked. "Uh, I don't see him trying to leave."

"Well, yeah, that's because I satisfy all his needs in the sex department..."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Hello, Earth to Victoria. Cas wasn't even interested in sex until you. That's gotta say something."

"Yeah. I'm a good lay. Big fucking deal."

"No, that's not it," Ryan implored. "That's not it at all. Cas loves you. He's...he's watched Dean enough, I'm afraid he's gotten some of Dean's bad habits. He may not say it, but I can see it. Trust me, he does. Talk to him. Get him to see you need to hear it." Ryan smiled. "The next elopement we hear about might be yours."

Tory snorted. "I'm not interested in the institution of marriage."

"But...Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam..."

The trio looked at one another and laughed. Even Krissy joined in. The Princess Bride quotes always made a situation better.

Tory wiped her eyes. "Okay, fine, maybe the institution isn't quite as contrived as I thought, but still...no angel is gonna want to strap himself to a human that will die a human's death."

"Maybe not," Krissy spoke up as something rolled around in her head. "But maybe if you had some angel grace..."

Ryan's brows furrowed. "What?"

"I was reading a notation in one of the MOL books, something someone else harped on briefly and Sam had written in a little more information about. About how the angel grace works. The other guy has got a theory about it. Sam's been meaning to ask Cas about it, but with the whole Dean becoming a demon thing, Ryan coming into their lives, I guess he forgot about it. I bet Hope could tell us. She's remembering more and more about her past life with every passing day. I think if we could give you some angel grace, it might keep you alive longer than your average life span."

Tory shook her head. "I don't want to live immortal. I want to do everything normal."

"Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, you're far from normal," Ryan chortled.

"Bite my ass, Fawcett."

"It's 'Winchester' cunt-munch."

"Geeze, you enjoy eating twat and you get called such nasty names!" Tory stated dramatically.

Andy rolled her eyes. "But you're getting dick now, and angel dick at that, so..."

Tory smirked. "And the boy does have some fantastic stamina."

Ryan sobered a bit as she said, "But, seriously, Tor, if you want kids, you and Cas could adopt. I know he can't father one because of the whole angel thing, but there are plenty of kids that need love in the world."

"He wants us to go find Claire when we get back home."

"Claire...? Jimmy's daughter?"

Tory nodded. "He feels like he needs to make amends for taking Jimmy away from her."

"That's Cas. He's a good person, angel, whatever."

Tory sniffed. "He's the best."

They were all quiet a moment before Andy sighed loudly. "Why do we bother with men? Why don't we just all live in a commune of sisters and be done with it? It's not like we really need them for the sex. We have dildos for that."

Ryan just looked at her before she began giggling again. They all shared a laugh before she pulled to the drive-thru. "Come on. Let's get some milkshakes and head back. I bet Hope has annihilated Dean and Sam by now. I'm sure they'll be on their way soon."

"How do you know Dean won't win?" Krissy wondered aloud.

"Because, I've known that girl her whole life. She's the perfect, if imperfect, mix of me and Dean. Trust me. She'll smoke him. And when she does, he'll realize he's not the best. It will take him down a peg."

"You don't think he'd like, let her win, do you?"

At that, Ryan snorted. "Please. Have you MET Dean Winchester? The only person he's ever let win at anything would be Sam, and he stopped that when Sam turned five, I'd be willing to bet."

They laughed again.

They made it home and settled in to watch some television. They were halfway through Shrek, which made them all laugh, when Sam, Dean, and Cas walked in. Krissy sat up a bit straighter as Bobby ran in the room followed by Ben and Hope. Dean's glare at the older boy should have turned him into a pile of ash. "I'll deal with you," he growled and Ben jumped slightly, "In a minute."

It was no surprise when Dean made a beeline over to her. "I'll deal with Ben depending on how you answer this question." His eyes lit to hers. "How are you about what happened tonight?"

"You know what happened?"

Dean shook his head. "No, but I know Ben was involved, so it's definitely something." She heard Hope gasp slightly but Dean ignored everyone else as his eyes bore into hers. "What did he do," he demanded.

She looked over at Ben, who looked as guilty as a whore in church. "Uh..."

Dean's eyes narrowed at Ben a moment before his bright green gaze lit back on her as he leaned in closer. "I'm not mad at you. This has his stink all over it. So I repeat; What. Did. He. Do?"

She sucked in a stuttering breath and murmured, "He kissed me."

Dean's jaw set. "Did you ask for it?"

"N-No..." His eyes closed and she could all but see steam rising from him when she put a hand over Dean's on the arm of the sofa. "But, Dean, it's okay."

"It's NOT OKAY!" he shouted, startling everyone in the room. "It's not okay, damn it."

"Dean," Ryan began.

He shot her a glare that silenced her before he looked back at Krissy. "Are you hurt?"

"What? No! Dean, it wasn't like that! It took me by surprise, that's all! He used it as a tactic to get Ryan and Andy to stop so they wouldn't shoot us. It worked. Period. I got ruffled, had Sam take me out, and I bailed. That's it."

"You sure?"

She nodded adamantly. "I'm positive."

"You don't need..." he blew out a breath. "Do you wanna handle this, or want me to?"

She shot a glance back at Ben, who had walked over to the freezer and pulled out a bag of peas. His eye was only slightly swollen, but it looked like it hurt. "I can handle it."

His shoulders sagged slightly in relief and she resisted the smile. "So...you're good?"

She did smile then. She wasn't sure when the last time she'd felt this loved. Sure, she knew they all loved her, Ryan had her name tattooed on her ankle along with her other children's' names, but this...Dean was defending her. Against his own son. She swallowed back the need to cry as she realized just how much this family really did love her. She sucked in another breath. "I'm not thrilled, but I'll get over it. It wasn't terminal. I can handle it from here on out."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Dean stood, shot Ben another look, then nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna go grab a beer."

"What?!" Andy and Ryan shouted in unison.

"Look, I had time to think," Dean stated. He shot Sam a look and smirked. "I figured, instead of meddling, I'd just hang back, let them come to me if they need to. She says she's good, I believe her. She could kick his ass if she needed to. I just wanted her to know I was there for her, and to let him know where this whole thing stands with me. Now...it's up to them."

"Wow, Dean, that's...surprisingly mature of you," Andy commented. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm totally disappointed that I won't get to see what could have been an awesome spectacle, but still..."

Dean's smirk only grew as he grabbed a beer from the fridge before tossing one to Sam. "I'm mature, damn it."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "That's a matter of opinion," she muttered.

Krissy caught Ben out of the corner of her eye, moving toward the door. He stopped in front of the couch where she, Ryan, and Andy were all sitting. He opened his mouth and Ryan used a tone that gave Krissy a cold chill down her back. She'd never heard Ryan quite as deadly as she warned, "Dean can let this be handled, that's fine. I will too. For now. But just remember this; Krissy is just as much my daughter as Hope is. You fuck this up, fuck with her? I'll fuck you up, boy. And don't worry, I know exactly how to make it look like an accident."

His eyes widened. "Y-Yes, ma'am," he stammered before he backed to the patio door and escaped out onto the porch.

Krissy just looked over at Ryan, who smiled. "Go on, go talk to him."

"You scared the piss out of him," Kris stated.

Ryan shrugged as she sipped her glass of tea. "To use your word, it's not terminal. A little fear is good for him. I know you can fight your own battles, but like Tor said, we stick together, us hunter chicks. Remember that, kay?"

Krissy bent down and hugged her hard and fast before she stood and walked out the patio door as well.

She caught sight of him at the edge of the boardwalk that led to the sand. She bit her lip before slowly walking down after him. When she got there, he turned. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "I didn't know they'd all freak out like this."

"Ryan's one scary ass chick. She's fucked in the head."

Krissy smiled at that. "Don't we all know."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Kris, I swear to God I didn't..."

She put her hand on his arm. "I know, Ben."

"It was just..." he sighed. "I got caught up in winning..."

"A Winchester thing to do, I gotta admit," she told him with a slight smile.

"I'm competitive, too, I guess."

"No. You? Seriously? I'm so surprised!"

"Ha, ha, smart ass."

They smiled at one another before she sighed. "What are we doing, here?"

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head and looked out at the water. "You're my friend, Ben. You're Hope's brother. You're part of this family, too. I don't...was that something back there? Or was it just a tactic? Be honest, okay?"

"I'm scared, Kris. Mom's dying, I'm going to be living with you guys soon. They don't want me to know, but I'm moving down there. Mom tried to keep it from me, but I know. She's getting worse and they want to go ahead and move us so I can start school with you guys this fall. I've got so many changes going on in my life and I just feel..."

"Like it's out of control?"

"Yeah, exactly."

Her brows furrowed and she reached out to touch his face, like she'd seen Ryan do to Dean. And just like Dean, he leaned into it slightly, closing his eyes. "Ben, I'm not asking anything of you. Your life's a mess right now. That's fine. I get it. Focus on your mom, on your relationship with Dean, on changing schools and fitting in. I'm your friend. Always. The other crap? It'll either come or it won't. Let's not force it, okay?"

He grabbed her hand and opened his eyes, so similar to Dean's, and offered her a smile. "Friends...with benefits?"

Her eyes narrowed and she pulled away. "I will _not _be another notch on your belt, Benjamin Braeden!"

His mouth fell open. "I'm not-I didn't..." he shook his head. "I swear, I'm not that much like him."

She eyed him coolly. "You must really not know him very well if you think that is who he is."

"And how would you know, huh? Are you a notch on his?"

She slugged him again.

"Ow! Fuck, Kris!"

"Fuck you, Ben, for even thinking it! Dean is the closest thing I've got to a dad now that mine died, IN FRONT OF ME. So don't you DARE cheapen how I feel about him because you want to prove you aren't him! News flash; you could do a hell of a lot worse than being EXACTLY like Dean Winchester!"

She turned to stomp away when he grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry!" he yelled and she stopped, only because she heard the hitch in his voice. He released her arm and she sighed as she turned back to him. His breaths were coming in gasps and she sighed anew as she forced his head down between his knees to get him to calm down.

"You're a mess, Ben, seriously."

His breathing finally calmed and he looked up at her with his hands still on his knees. "Fuck, Kris, I'm...shit..."

She crossed her arms and clenched her jaw. "Look, I get it, you're messed up right now. That much, I can understand. You're having fun but you're worried about your mom. You want...something from me, maybe, but you aren't sure. You love this family, but you feel guilty for enjoying it. Trust me, I feel ya on so many damn levels, it's not even funny. But I'm not going to spread my legs to make you feel better. You want a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen? I'm your girl. You want a piece of ass? Go find it from some two-bit skank, because this," she gestured up and down her body, "This is off limits."

He held up both hands in surrender. "I understand. I'm...I'm sorry, K. Really."

She nodded. "I know. That's the only thing preventing me from kneeing you in the nads right now."

He winced and she smiled as she patted his head like a dog. "Keep that in mind, okay? Because while Hope may have dosed you with some memories and knowledge of hunting, I've got firsthand experience."

She moved to walk away and he called after her; "You're bad ass, too, Kris. I'm enough like him to appreciate that. Besides, you're pretty to look at, too!"

She was blushing as she walked back in and headed to the bedroom she shared with Hope.

* * *

**Ryan POV **

She couldn't quite contain the giggles as she walked into the bedroom later that night. Dean had told them all how Hope had won and everyone had shared a chuckle. The thing with Ben and Krissy aside, it had been a fun day. It wouldn't be long, though, and they were going to have to head back home. She was enjoying her vacation immensely, but she was eager to get back home, too. There were too many things up in the air. The kids needed to be back in school, things needed to get settled with Lisa and Ben, and there were other things, too. She knew Dean hadn't realized it, but once they got back home, Sam would, of course, move out and in with Andy. That left an empty room in their house, but it also left Tory without a place to stay. She had to discuss it with Dean before she mentioned it to Tory, but she wouldn't mind the other woman living with them.

She had sobered from thinking about Dean's defeat until he walked into their bedroom after having checked on the boys. One look at her husband, however, and dissolved into a fit of laughter again. "Dean..."

"Don't talk to me. I've been outsmarted. It stings, damn it."

Her lips quirked. "Well, how about a silver lining?" She waited a beat. "At least we're done with WonderWorks."

"Why did I make that stupid bet with her, huh? Now we're going to have to let her be a senior. I'm not sure I'm ready...I know I said I was ready to see her through being more grown up, but now..."

She nodded. "She's ready. She's been ready. She wants to hunt full time. I may not be thrilled about it, but she's not your basic kid, Dean. She's ready to hunt. Today proved it."

"Today was child's play."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Not the way Winchesters play it, it isn't. She's ready, Dean. We can take her out, hell, we'll take Kris, too, if you want, make sure they're good to go. We can let Andy and Sam look after the little ones..."

"And Ben?"

She paused only a moment before she blew out a breath. "That's not any of my business."

His head dropped and he looked down at the bed. "Damn it, Ryan..." He lifted his head and looked at her. "I want your opinion."

She crossed her arms. "I've already given it, Dean. I think he should at least know the basics. I'm not asking to take him out there and expect him to take down a nest of vamps his first time, but I think he needs to be exposed to some of it. You want him to be a Man of Letters? Fine. But where Henry and all those other paper pushers were wrong was staying holed up in their little safehouses while the hunters worked. They needed to get out there."

"Like Josie? Who went 'out there' and got taken over by the baddest bitch that could? No thanks."

She let out a growl of frustration. "He'll be warded. We'll get him his ink, Dean. He's _your son. _Ever stop to think maybe that means he _wants _to be a hunter?"

"Nobody _wants _to be a damn hunter, Ryan," he shot back.

"These kids do. Even Krissy, who's seen her fair share already, wants to get back out there. You can deny it until you're blue in the face, Dean, but some of us are just born to like the violence. And if we channel it into hunting, it keeps us from becoming raging psychopaths."

He looked at her in alarm for a moment before he sighed. "I'll talk to him."

She smiled. "That's all I ask. But don't make him feel left out because you don't want him to hunt. I've already told you I don't want him feeling like an outsider. Make sure you don't let him become one, okay?"

He walked to her then and pulled her into his arms. "Alright, I hear you." He bent down and kissed her lips lightly. "Now, Mrs. Winchester, I think I need some nookie."

Her eyebrow rose. "Is that so?"

He nodded. "Yep. I played nicely today, well, sort of. How about that tanning oil?"

She giggled. "I, uh, may have stopped at the, um, toy shop today and picked up a few new things..."

He blinked in surprise. "What? When?"

She smiled. "On our way back from WonderWorks. Kris stayed in the car, red faced, with Jon, while me and the girls ran inside."

"And just what exactly did you get?"

She bit her lip as a devious smile lit her features. "Why don't you undress and find out?"

He let out a whimper.

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Eight (Tuesday)**

**Dean POV**

When Dean woke the next morning, it was to gray skies and pouring down rain.

"MAN!" he heard Hope shout from the living room. "IT'S RAINING! On our LAST FULL DAY!"

Ryan giggled from where she was situated, snuggled into him. "Good morning, babe."

He looked at her and tightened his grip around her waist as he kissed her neck. "Good morning. Sleep good?"

She stretched, causing the sheet to slip, showing off her gorgeous chest. "Are you kidding? That many orgasms? I'm lucky I'm not still boneless." He licked his lips as he stared at her. She giggled again. "You look like you want to eat me."

He thought about that a moment. "Well, I could be the big bad wolf. Are you Little Red Riding Hood?" She gasped as his lips descended and he took one of her nipples between his teeth.

"Why...what big teeth you have," she panted as he continued to worship her breast.

He pulled away and looked at her as his hand began traveling down, down, down, her body. "The better to eat you with."

He slipped two fingers inside her slit and she moaned, "My, what big fingers you have."

"The better to touch you with."

Her hand roamed and she found him, hard and already dripping with need against the sheet. She wrapped her hand around him and he took in a sharp breath.

"My, what a big cock you have."

That was all he needed to spread her legs apart and situate himself between them. He looked down at her, flushed already, sleepy still, hair everywhere, pillow lines on her face...she was perfect. He just barely thrust and teased her entrance. She growled and his cock twitched, causing it to hit her clit and she then let out a sound close to a cat's mew. He thrust hard, joining them, and moaned, "The better to fuck you with."

Her hands fastened themselves on his biceps as her eyes rolled back in her head while her hips began moving with him. "Fuck, Dean..."

He flipped them. He loved to be under her, to watch her take control of her orgasm. He loved to watch her ride him, and he told her so; "I need to watch you, Ry. Get yourself off. Let me see you fuck yourself with me."

Her eyes opened and a lazy smile appeared on her face as he took both her hands and held them above his head so she could get the leverage she needed as she began riding him at a fast pace. "You keep that up, this won't last long," he warned her.

"Don't...care...need..." she panted as she began moving faster still. He moved her hands to grip the headboard as his own hands began worshiping her body, fisting both breasts, pinching her nipples just so, then finally, one hand dove down to where they were joined and he began rubbing her clit in the way he knew would drive her crazy. She groaned in pleasure and he knew she was almost there, fighting, reaching for the edge, and then, she fell, dragging him with her over the precipice.

She collapsed onto his chest as they both tried to regulate their breathing. She put her arm on his chest and then laid her head on it to look at him. "Good morning."

He chortled. "It is now." She started to move but he held her fast. "Stay there," he commanded lightly. "I like you on top of me."

She gave him a sweet smile and a half-nod before she moved her arm again to rest her head on his chest. One finger began tracing his tattoo and she kissed the skin she could reach before she sighed in what he hoped was contentment. "What do you want to do today?"

"Well, I guess from Hope's shouts of indignation, it's raining."

She snorted.

"So, I don't know. What do you do in the rain at the beach?"

She lifted her head. "We could play games and stuff indoors. Build a puzzle. Construct a house of cards. Play Legos. Something like that."

He thought a moment. "That sounds cool."

"Or we play in the rain."

His brows furrowed. "Huh?"

An evil smirk graced her features. "I was thinking...want to get a little payback for the monsters annihilating you yesterday?"

His eyebrow shot up. "What did you have in mind?"

Instead of answering, she shook her head. "Let's get up and play with the kids indoors a little while. Maybe the rain will clear up. Then, when they least expect it, we can pull off our revenge."

He was more than a little curious, but he let her have her secret for now. He could all but see the wheels turning, her plan formulating. So, he left her to it. For now. "You and Sam going for your run?"

She nodded. "Probably. It's just a little rain. It's not like it's a hurricane. Want to join us?"

He shot her a look. "You know I only run when I need to. I'm in shape otherwise. Or was last night not enough proof?"

She giggled. "Well, it wasn't calisthenics, but it'll get the job done."

"Ha, ha, ass."

"You love me."

"More than I ever thought possible," he admitted.

She offered him a soft smile before she kissed him tenderly. "So, we'll go for our run and then play with the kids?"

He nodded. "I'll get the demon hunter up, make her help me cook breakfast while you and Sammy hit the trail. Why don't you take the older kids with you? If they're going hunting, they need to know how to run. Isn't Ben like on the track team or something?"

She thought a moment and nodded. "Yeah, that's a good idea." She blinked. "Wait. You want Ben to train?"

"Not necessarily, but you're right, he doesn't need to be a paper pushing pansy, even if he does become a Man of Letters."

She smiled and kissed him again before she stood. "Good enough."

He watched her walk to the bathroom, naked as the day she was born. God help him, she had a body on her. Damn. He was one lucky son of a bitch.

He got up and was out in the hallway banging on Sam and Andy's door before Sam could even emerge for his run. "Bla- uh, Winchester! Get your scrawny ass out here and help me cook for this army!"

Andy opened the door with her hair in a wild tangle and murder in her eyes. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Eggs. Toast. Bacon. You hungry?" Her stomach answered for her. He snorted. "Move your ass, Doc. Let's cook for our family."

She rolled her eyes. "Everyone says you're such a big, badass, Dean. You've got them all snowed."

"Yeah, yeah, what the fuck ever. My other half and yours are going running. I know you ain't running."

"Hell no. I get enough exercise with your brother in bed. I'm more physically fit than I ever have been."

Dean's nose wrinkled. "Okay, A) that's way too much information, and B) move your ass! I'm hungry!"

She shook her head and he heard her mutter as she closed the door, "Such a titty baby. We really need to see about getting you weaned off Ryan's tit."

"Fuck you, Andy! Now move that ass!"

"This ass is too sweet for you!" she shot back through the door.

"Trust me, I wouldn't be interested in that ass if the was the last piece on earth!"

"Yeah, right! You've seen my rack, asshole!" she continued to argue through the door. "And you liked it!"

"You can't shove a pair of tits in a man's face without him looking, Andy! It's just human nature!"

"Men are pigs."

"Didn't stop you from marrying one!" he countered.

She stepped back out, now in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. Her feet were bare, showing off dark purple polish, and her hair had been swept up into a ponytail. "I'm not complaining. I'm stating a fact. Men are pigs."

He shrugged. "If you think that offends me, you're wrong."

She looked at him and smiles broke across both their faces. "Come on, Wyatt, let's get this crew fed."

By the time Ryan and Sam came back from their run, all but dragging Hope, Krissy, and Ben behind them, breakfast was almost finished. "Showers," Andy commanded as she accepted a kiss from Sam, "And the biscuits will be ready."

Ryan guzzled some water. "Doesn't the biscuits negate the run we just did?"

Sam let out a whimper as Andy put a pan into the oven. "Yeah, but these are those awesome biscuits Andy learned how to make when she was in Georgia after she saved that chick from a demon..."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Only Andy could save a famous southern cook from a demon and get her super-secret recipe for biscuits."

"You're just jealous, you fangirl, you," Andy shot back as she wiped her brow. "I brought you back a signed cookbook."

"You could have called me to join you, asshat," Ryan growled.

Andy smiled. "Yeah, I could have."

Ryan shook her head. "I'm surrounded by assholes."

"Hey!" Sam cried indignantly.

She shrugged. "Sorry, Sam, truth is truth."

"You're one to talk," he told her.

At that, she grinned. "Yeah, good point. Okay, showers, everyone! Let's eat some breakfast, then we can play some games."

"Yay!" Bobby cried from where he was playing a game on his iPad mini. Jon joined in making noise because Bobby was. Dean smiled over at them. His boys. Who'd have ever thought?"

"Is breakfast ready?" he heard as Tory appeared.

"About fifteen minutes, Tor!" Andy shouted as she shooed Sam down the hall. "Here's some coffee." She handed Tory a cup, who accepted it as if she were in a daze. Tory wasn't much of a morning person.

"Thanks," she murmured as she took it and went to sit down by the boys.

Andy shot Dean an amused smile before she shook her head. "Almost done, Deano?"

He pulled three more pancakes off the griddle and put them into the basket covered with a dishtowel to keep them warm. "Yep." He grinned. "You know, I'm glad you can cook. The moose may eat healthy crap ninety percent of the time, but he eats a lot of it."

Her smile was almost blinding. "I can't believe this is my life, Dean. Good things don't happen to me."

He snorted. "Tell me about it. You read the books. Our lives are shit most of the time."

"But not now."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, truth be told."

She swallowed. "It will happen. People don't get happy endings, Dean. That's just for fairy tales. But we can enjoy the hell out of the happy we have right now."

"And I am. Glad to see you are too, sis."

She bit her lip as her eyebrows quirked. "Sis?"

He shrugged. "Sam's always calling Ryan his sister. Just thought I'd try it on for size."

"And?"

He pretended to think a moment. "Survey says...yep. I like it. You're stuck with me, And."

She looked this way and that for a moment before she threw her arms around him for a hug. He smiled as he hugged her back and kissed her hair. "So, you're one of mine now," he whispered so only she could hear. "He hurts you, I'll fuck him up."

She laughed and kissed his cheek. "I'll keep that in mind."

He pulled away but didn't let go of her. "I mean it. Me and Sam...we're both so screwed up...he's better at this than I am, but he'll do something to hurt you, Andy. When he does, come to me, alright? I mean it."

She swallowed hard. "I promise, Dean."

He nodded and pushed her away just slightly. "Good. Now let's get back to work. I don't do chick flick shit."

She gave him a knowing smile. "Yeah, neither do I."

* * *

The rain didn't clear until late afternoon. By that time, everyone was a bit tired of each other. They'd played board games, video games, poker, put together a giant ass puzzle, plus made and decorated a batch of cut-out cookies. Ryan sent the older kids out to go do...something for a few hours, Sam and Andy watched the little ones, and Ryan directed Dean to town for a supply run. When she told him to turn right onto Highway 17, he had shaken his head. "No."

Her eyebrow popped. "What?"

"We are this close to South Carolina, and we're on the beach. I'm buying some fireworks."

She rolled her eyes. "You're children. The whole lot of you."

He smiled as he whipped into the first fireworks store he saw. "One of my really good memories was when I was a teenager and set off fireworks for Sammy. We blew through most of our food money for them, but the kid deserved it, you know? So, I bought them. And it was awesome. So, I want our kids to experience that."

She offered him a soft smile and cleared her throat. "Fine. Just don't spend a whole fortune, okay?"

"I won't!" he promised as he stood from the car and almost ran into the store.

After his purchases of bottle rockets, M-80's and Black Cats, plus a few other things that were definitely illegal, he stowed the stuff in the back of the SUV and climbed back in behind the wheel. "Now, direct me where you want us to go."

She gave him directions to the town just north of their beach house and he asked, "So...what are we doing?"

She pointed to the sign for Walmart and her eyes narrowed. "Pull in to Wally World, I'll explain it all."

As they walked through the store gathering up the gear they'd need, she told him of her plan. Andy was already in agreement with her and Tory was more than a little amused. Cas was scheduled to pop back down after dinner, so that would work to their advantage. He had been on the winning team, too. He deserved payback as well.

Once they were back at the house, they laid in wait for the text letting them know the kids were on their way back from playing mini golf and eating out for dinner.

"Sure this is gonna work?" Sam asked as he prepped for the kids' return. Dean just smiled. Of course it would work. His wife was an evil genius.

Ryan nodded. "Sure it will."

"It's mean."

"I'm mean," she countered.

He didn't have a comeback for that. They were both right. It was mean, but it was epic. Those kids wouldn't know what hit them.

Ryan texted Hope once more to find out their ETA and the adults got into position. When they heard the slight rumble of the jeep, they waited just a breath before the doors started to open and they all fired ice cold water at the kids from the huge water guns they each had.

"AHHH!" Hope screamed. While the adults had changed into swimsuits so their clothes wouldn't be ruined, the kids were all in jeans and tee shirts.

"Spare guns are in the back of Tory's van!" Ryan shouted. "But you'll have to fill them!"

Soon there was a barrage of screams, water streams, and giggles as the water war went on for the next hour. By the time they all made it back to the house, they were all covered in sand and water from taking the war out onto the beach and even into the ocean. Cas had, surprisingly, been eager to be in on it and the other adults enjoyed seeing the angel laughing as Hope showed him how to duck and cover. They were all filthy and Tory, who had assumed the 'adult' role since everyone else was playing like a bunch of kids, forbade them to come in until it was their turn for baths. She wouldn't even let Ryan in to bathe Bobby. She put Jon down for the night for them, then took Bobby to give him his bath and put him in his pajamas for the fireworks show Dean was going to put on. Apparently he almost fell asleep in the bathtub and only the promise of ice cream had kept him awake.

Dean couldn't help the grin as the younger girls went inside to shower. Andy and Ryan had been first, then it was Hope and Krissy's turn. Now it was just him, Sam, Cas, and Ben left out on the porch. "Dude. That was epic," he stated as he dropped into one of the chairs.

Sam chuckled as he sat down on the rocker next to Dean. "I don't know when we've had that much fun."

"Well, this morning was pretty good..." Dean countered as he remembered how he and Ryan woke up.

"I'm assuming you mean before you actually got out of bed?" Ben pried as he leaned against the banister.

Dean's smile grew. "Yeah, well..."

Ben smiled. "I hope when I find some girl she means as much to me as Ryan does you. I can't...it's crazy, seeing you two together. She brings out something in you..."

Dean sobered slightly. "Ben, when I was with you guys, it was a hard year, you know."

Ben held up a hand. "We had our moments, I know that. I remember working on the car with you, you showing me around under the hood...stuff like that doesn't just go away because I was hurt. Once I got past the hurt, I remembered all the good. It was only a year, but you managed to hide a lot of your issues and give me and Mom a pretty damn good year."

Dean shook his head and looked at the wooden boards beneath his feet. "I still gypped you."

"Yeah, you did. But...we didn't...I don't mean it ugly, honest, I don't, but me and Mom? We didn't need you. Not to be hurtful or anything, but we didn't. We didn't need anybody other than us. And that's why I'm trying to just...I don't know what I'm gonna do once she's gone."

"You'll be with us, Ben," Dean told him. "We're your family."

Ben looked at the ground, too, before his hazel eyes met Dean's. "I want to train."

"Ben..."

"I'm a legacy, too, Dad. And even if I decide to stick with doing bookwork at the bunker, I know you don't want me a paper pushing pansy like those pencil-dick Men of Letters of yore..."

"Your great grandfather was one of those paper pushing pansies," Dean reminded the boy.

"I don't care. I want to train. I need this. I've always felt like there was something...missing. Now I find out about this legacy crap and all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. You can't deny that. You may not like it, but that doesn't change anything."

"He is right, Dean," Cas stated softly. "You cannot deny him his right to train."

"At least if we train him, we know he'll be trained right," Sam added.

"It's not fair you're ganging up on me," Dean told them. "Ryan's weighed in on this, too. She's got the same opinion as all of you."

"But it's the right thing, you know that. Mom's not..." The boy's voice cracked. "Mom's not gonna be here much longer. She didn't want me hunting. I know you only sided with her because you wanted to make her happy. Well, when she's gone...when she's gone, I'll be able to do my own thing. Let me do this."

"Let you sign up for a suicide mission?" Dean growled. "Let you put your life on the line every fucking day? For what?"

"For the greater good!" Ben shouted. He sighed and licked his lips. "Look, Give me a trial run, not as your son, but as a...a training partner for Hope. Or Kris. Whatever. See if I've even got the chops. I don't know shit about hunting. I might be terrible at it."

Sam snorted. "Like there's a chance of that happening."

Ben shrugged. "I might be like a hunting version of a squib, you never know..."

"Hunting is in your blood," Dean conceded. "And that means you're probably good at it. I can't...Lisa can't know, okay? We got to protect her from this. If not, she won't be at rest, and trust me. You think it hurts, her dying? It's a drop in the bucket to her showing up as a ghost because she can't rest in peace."

Ben swallowed hard as his eyes grew wide. "I promise. We won't...we won't tell her."

Dean blew out a ragged breath. It wasn't that he didn't want the kid hunting, he just wanted to keep him safe. He didn't want the boy hurting like he'd hurt. But, he knew, too, things were different. Ben _wasn't _Dean. It made a difference. "Fine. Let's get you settled, we'll start your training."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, I mean it."

Ben then threw his arms around Dean's shoulders and hugged him. "Thanks, really."

Hope came to the door then, in a pair of pajama pants and a tee shirt. Everyone was going to just wear their pajamas for the fireworks. "Shower's free."

Ben wiped his eyes and nodded. "Thanks, sis. Thanks, you guys. See you in a few minutes."

Hope watched him go and looked at her father. "Uh, Daddy...I gotta make a confession."

"If you got anything pierced, tattooed, or lost any kinds of cards, I don't wanna hear it."

She looked at him blankly a moment before her eyes widened. "NO! I only have the one hole in each ear, waiting to get my MOL star for my first tatt...and the other? Trust me, I'm still a card carrying member of the scarlet V club and will be...for a long time. I swear."

Dean blew out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Well, uh, good. That's...that makes me feel better. So, what you fessing up to now?"

She bit her lip. "I, uh, I gave Ben some of my memories."

"Why?"

She hung her head. "Because I didn't want to lose at WonderWorks."

"What did you...?"

"I gave him some of my training memories," she admitted.

His jaw set. "So, let me get this straight; you didn't want to lose, so you took your angel powers to give your brother memories of how to hunt?"

"Y-Yes?"

"So, you cheated."

"Technically...?"

He looked at her a moment and guffawed. "Well, you're definitely a Winchester, kid. Did you do it just to win?"

She shook her head forcefully, reminding him though she looked like she was the same age as the other two older kids, she was still just a child. "No. I wanted Ben to have the knowledge. He needs to know this stuff..."

"It wasn't your decision, Hope Deanna. It was between me, Ben, and the other adults."

"But not Lisa? I heard you talking..."

He winced at that. "Lisa is dying, Hope. And you know you're being watched closely. You heal her, you get in trouble with the panel upstairs." Cas had explained how the angels were keeping an extremely close eye on Hope and Gabriel, the young version of Gabriel, to see what they were doing. They were both getting more powerful by the day, but the Winchesters didn't want to tip their hat to let the angels know exactly how powerful Hope was yet. She still didn't have all her grace, but she was hella powerful.

"I get that. And I also understand why you're not telling her. I respect that. But I couldn't sit idly by and let Ben be an albatross to the family. He needs to know how to protect himself so he can protect others. It's the Winchester way, Dad."

Dean held up a hand. "You're right. I wish you'd have told me instead of sneaking around, but I admire the fact you chose to share those memories with him. But from now on, please, just keep me in the loop, okay?"

She nodded and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I love you, Daddy. I just wanted you to know."

"I love you, too, Hopey," he told her. "Go see if everyone is ready, I'll get the fireworks set up." He watched her close the door behind her and he stood. "Time for the show." He began walking down the boardwalk and wasn't surprised when Sam and Cas flanked him.

"You have some extraordinary children, Dean, and not because of their gifts," Castiel told him.

Dean smiled at that. "That's because of their moms. I didn't have anything to do with it."

Cas regarded him. "I would not be too sure of that."

"Yeah, Dean, you were an important part of each of the kids' lives, even if you didn't live with them. Don't discount your part in molding them into what they are. You left impressions on them," Sam told him.

Dean smiled as he stood. "Thanks for the pep talk then, guys."

"It's not a pep talk. It's the truth," Sam replied. "We don't lift each other up very often, but sometimes, it needs to be said."

Dean swallowed and smiled softly before he joked, "Well, you lifted me right up. You're the wind beneath my wings, Sammy."

Sam shot him the bitchface and Dean laughed as he pulled his brother to him for a hug. "I love ya, too, bitch."

Sam clapped him on the back as he returned the hug. "Me too, jerk."

Dean let go of Sam and saw Cas standing there, almost shyly, and Dean pulled him in for a hug, too. "Come on, Cas, I'm sappy as shit tonight. I love ya, too, man."

Cas was stiff for just a moment before he, too, returned the hug. "I love you all. I love this family. I'm very honored to be considered one of you."

Dean snorted as he pulled away. "Damn. We're becoming sentimental old fools."

"Speak for yourself. I'm still in my early thirties," Sam countered. "Some of us are approaching forty."

"And some of us may not live that long if they don't shut their traps," Dean growled as he dropped to one knee and began looking through his bags of loot.

Sam didn't come back with anything, but Dean could almost _hear _the bastard's smile. "You gonna help me, Sambo? Or am I doing this all by my lonesome?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm helping."

They worked in silence then, getting everything set up, and by the time they were finished, the rest of the family were lined up on the porch. He looked over at their silhouettes against the porch light and smiled. He felt like Cas – he was honored to be a part of this family.


	48. Candle In The Wind

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own it. Wish I had more time to bring it to you, but I'm just a wife, mother, teacher, girl scout leader, housewife, and what else? Too dang busy. That's what.**

**Author's note: I'm going to handle this chapter a little different…we will be in a couple of different points of view, but I'm going to finish one out before I start another one so we don't bounce around too much. Hopefully you won't find it too confusing! **

* * *

**The Beach House – Day Nine (Wednesday) **

**Ryan POV**

Ryan walked in after her run and called out, "Alright! Head 'em up! Move 'em out! We've got three hours to be out of here and we need to get the troops together!" She and Sam had just discussed a case he'd found, a possible shape-shifter in Virginia. He had asked her opinion about going hunting with Andy, just the two of them, and how Ryan thought it would work with a husband-wife duo. She had assured him Andy was a great hunter, and she thought they'd do well together. She and Dean could handle the kids for the return trip. Tory and Cas had already flown the coop, so to speak, to go find Claire. Ryan wasn't entirely sure how that one was going to go, but she was cautiously optimistic.

"Dean? Babe?" she asked as she opened their bedroom door. He was sitting on the bed, looking crestfallen. She was over to his side in an instant, not giving a damn about the sweat rolling off of her or her obvious…odeur corporelle. "What's wrong?"

"It's…it's Lisa. That was the doctor. She, uh, she got sicker. It's…it's bad, Ry."

Her heart clenched as her mind began to race. "Well, then, you and Ben need to go."

"But…"

She shook her head. "No. You head up from here with Ben, I'll take the kids home."

"Sam and Andy can help."

She shook her head again. "Sam got wind of a possible shape-shifter in Virginia. He's talking to Andy now, they're going to head up."

"Oh."

Something in his tone gave her pause. "What?"

"I talked to Lisa, too. She thinks…she's pretty sure it's the end. She wants you to come, too."

"Dean…we can't take the kids…"

He nodded. "I know. I just…" he blew out a breath. "This is gonna crush Ben."

"We knew it was coming."

"Yeah, but not this damn soon."

She didn't have a reply for that. "This changes a few things. Sam was planning on going for a hunt with Andy. If I'm going…"

"We can call someone else in to do the job, can't we?"

She winced as a thought came unbidden. It solved their problem, but she wasn't sure he was going to be thrilled with it. "I've got an idea. One you're not going to like." She quickly explained her plan and to her surprise, he agreed.

She thought a moment. "We need to call a family meeting. Go tell Ben. I'll call everyone else into the living room. He's your top priority now."

He just looked at her a moment before he nodded and stood. She watched him walk out of the room and she blew out a breath. _More changes, here we come…_

Once everyone was assembled in the living area, minus Ben and Dean, she took a deep breath. "Dean is with Ben. Lisa isn't doing good. They're pretty sure it's the end. They're going to Indiana."

"Oh, Mom…" Hope began as a tear ran down her cheek.

Ryan nodded. "They want me to go with them." She turned to Sam. "I know we just decided you and Andy would go on the hunt, but…"

Sam nodded and Andy spoke up, "Of course, we'll take the kids home, Ryan. You need to be with Dean for this."

Ryan bit her lip. "Good. That's what I thought."

"What about the hunt?" Krissy wanted to know. "If it's bad enough Sam was going, then shouldn't someone take it?"

She blew out a breath. "Yeah. They should."

"Well, who? I mean, Tory left, you're gonna be gone with Dean and Ben, and Sam will be with Andy watching after the little guys. So…do we know someone?"

"Yeah. We do."

"Who?"

"I'm looking at them."

Hope and Krissy exchanged a look. "Us?"

Ryan nodded. "You two are ready. The only thing that was holding us back was your age, Hope, but you've proven yourself. You've matured and grown, and your grace is flourishing. I think you two can handle a lone shape-shifter, don't you?"

"Yes!" Hope exclaimed but then she sobered. "Mom, I hate that this is how it's happening…"

Ryan nodded. "I know you do, kid. But you're good. And Kris has the experience in the field. Listen to her, and you'll be okay."

"Thanks, Ryan, for trusting me with the job…and with Hope."

Ryan gave the girl a side-hug. "I know you'll both be careful and come back to me in one piece, right?"

"Right," they chorused.

"Good deal." She turned to her brother and sister in law. "Sam, Andy, I hate to make you guys do this. Talk about putting a strain on a marriage…"

Sam grinned. "It's good practice, I guess."

Ryan didn't miss the look of horror that crossed Andy's face, but she didn't have time to deal with that, not now. Besides, having kids was a decision Sam and Andy would have to make. She rubbed her hands together. "Well, I'm going to take a shower and get my stuff packed. Don't worry, Andy, Sam, I'll make sure we help get all the stuff together for the boys before we leave."

* * *

Two and a half hours later, everyone was getting into their separate cars. Dean was giving last minute tips to Hope and Krissy who were loaded with almost all the weapons in the jeep. Sam and Andy had the two little boys in their car seats in the expedition, and Ben was climbing into the back of Tory's van with all of Ryan and Dean's stuff.

Ryan reached into her bag and pulled out the Christmas presents she had planned to give the girls this year, but now that they were going out on a hunt, she figured they might need them.

She watched as Dean hugged both girls before she stepped up. "Dean and I bought you two Christmas gifts this week while we were out shopping, but I think you need them now." She handed over each girl a parcel wrapped in soft muslin. They opened the packages carefully and both let out joint sounds of pleasure.

"They're pure silver," Ryan continued as Hope gazed lovingly at hers. "We figured since you both have long hair, sharpened silver hair sticks would be the ticket."

"Ryan…" Krissy breathed. Hers was inlaid with emeralds while Hope's was decorated with pearls. "They're gorgeous."

"We bought you each different ones so if you wanted to borrow them or you had a certain outfit…" Ryan shrugged and trailed off.

"Did you get one?"

Ryan nodded. "Naturally. Mine has rubies in it. I also got Andy and Tory a set for Christmas, so don't go blabbing, okay?"

Both girls threw their arms around Ryan. "Thank you!" they gushed.

Ryan hugged them for all she was worth. "Be safe," she whispered in their ears. "Come back to me, okay?"

"We promise," they vowed.

Ryan bit her lip and nodded before she walked back to Tory's van. She watched Dean giving each girl another hug before she glanced at the sullen boy in the backseat of the van before she dropped down into the driver's seat. She'd offered to take the first shift of driving and Dean had handed over the keys without argument only a few moments before. "We'll get there, Ben," she told him. "I promise, we'll get there in time."

He didn't answer as he looked out at the window. Life was going to change for him. Sam promised as soon as he and Andy got home, they'd fix up the empty upstairs bedroom for Ben and Ryan had promised to talk to Dean about their permanent living arrangements while they were gone. For now, Sam was going to live with Andy at the lake house, but he had told her on their run he wanted a bigger house. Ryan briefly wondered how that argument would go.

Dean climbed into the van and cleared his throat. "Guess we're ready to hit the road."

Ryan just put the van in drive and followed behind everyone else. They were all heading separate directions. She wouldn't let the anxiety beat her down. She was apprehensive about letting the boys go without her, and she was apprehensive about letting her girls go on a hunt. But one glance to the passenger seat, and a look into the rearview mirror, and she knew this was where she needed to be. She needed to look after these two Winchester boys. The others would be okay. She had to hold onto every scrap of faith she had. She sent out a prayer in Gabriel's direction to keep an ear on everyone as they traveled, hunted, and dealt with the death of a loved one, before she gunned the engine and headed north-west.

* * *

She and Dean took turns driving; stopping only for coffee breaks, and made the almost twelve hour trip in eleven flat. As they pulled up to the hospital, Ryan blew out a breath. Everything was changing again. She could only hope she would be what Ben needed.

Though visiting hours were over, they were escorted quickly to Lisa's room. Ryan gasped as she took in the frail form under the thin blankets and even thinner sheets. Lisa no longer had the vivacious look in her eyes, but she did give a small smile as Ben walked to her bedside and sat.

"My boy. Tell me all about your trip. Your texts weren't enough."

"Mom…" he began but she shook her head.

"No," she chastised gently. "None of that. Don't start. Tell me all about your trip. Tell me about your brothers and sister."

She felt, rather than saw Dean lose it and he quickly left the room. Ryan and Lisa exchanged a glance before Ryan followed after her husband. She found him leaning against the wall, head between his knees, sobbing.

Her heart went out to him and she bit her lip as she laid a hand on his shoulder. That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed as he grabbed onto her like a drowning man would a life preserver. She shushed him gently as she murmured nothings in his ear and rubbed her hand through his hair. She knew this would be tough for him. He loved Lisa, had loved her, loved her still, and that was okay. There was a history there. In another incarnation of her, Ryan would have been jealous, but she was old enough, wise enough, to realize there was no reason for it. You could mourn what would never be, even if you loved what you had.

When he calmed down some, she pulled away slightly to look at him. "I'm here for you," she whispered. "I'm here for all three of you."

He sniffed and she could see him coming back to himself. "This blows."

At that, a smile teased the corner of her mouth. "Tell me about it. You should see it from my view."

"Ryan…"

She held up a hand. "Kidding. It's fine. Trust me. I need to be here for you. I consider it a privilege."

"What are we gonna do?"

"Whatever they need us to," she replied simply.

He nodded. "Okay."

"Come on, let's go back in."

They stayed all night. Dean and Ryan by turn regaled the other two with stories of hunts, Ben shared stories of Bobby and Jon, as well as Hope and Krissy. Ryan didn't miss the look in Lisa's eye as Ben talked about Krissy, and Ryan knew, while neither of them were ready for a real relationship, it would come. And they'd deal with it when it did. Finally, Ben fell asleep mid-sentence. Dean excused himself for some coffee, and it was just Ryan and Lisa left to talk.

"Thank you," Lisa stated softly as Ryan stretched.

"For what?"

"For this. For taking care of them. For being there when I couldn't."

Ryan shrugged. "I hope, were the roles reversed, you would do the same."

"Of course. But…Ryan, I'm not as strong as you. I could never do half the things you have. To have this life, to live it, to be what you are…"

"You weren't forced with the choice," Ryan countered. "If you had been, you would be a completely different person. You'd be fine living this life."

Lisa shivered. "I'm glad I'm not." They were both silent for a time before Lisa spoke again. "He's going to become a hunter, isn't he?"

Ryan opened her mouth, but the lie wouldn't come out. "It's his choice, Lisa," she stated simply.

Lisa nodded. "He's his father's. I've known. I've always known it was Dean. I didn't need the blood test. I knew. There was no one else at the time. I just said that to Dean."

Ryan nodded. "I'm not surprised. And probably, it was for the best. I had my own reasons for not admitting it."

"I hate I didn't tell him though. Either of them. It was almost too late when I admitted it to anyone but myself."

"You had a good reason, Lisa," Ryan implored. "I can understand that. I mean, Dean wasn't the most stable person on the planet, even then."

They were both silent for a time. "Jealousy is a funny thing. I'm still jealous of you, Ryan. I'm envious."

Ryan sat back. "Oh, I wouldn't be anything but that. Clearly you don't know much about me."

"No, that's true. But still, I wish…" Lisa trailed off. "Looking back, I guess I just wish I had done things differently."

"Hindsight is often 20/20," Ryan agreed. "But I have to admit, I was jealous of you, too."

"Me?" Lisa scoffed. "I got the broken man. You got…"

"That same broken man who almost threw it all away because he was scared of being happy," Ryan retorted.

"Still. Look at what you have now."

Ryan thought a moment before she said, "You have no idea, Lisa, how hurt I was. He said when he pictured himself happy, it was with you. There I was, raising his daughter by myself, no family, very few friends, and I just…" Ryan took a deep breath and blew it out. "I hated you. Hated you were there for him when I wasn't and I just…"

"You could have been," Lisa chastised gently. "If you would have told him the truth…"

"If I had told him the truth, he wouldn't have come to you and Ben wouldn't be going with us now."

Lisa looked away and out the window. "I took him in, but part of me hated it. I loved him, yes, but I hated what I got in return. Isn't that selfish?"

"You took on a lot, Lisa. He was so broken up over Sam's death, and then he had all those nightmares about Hell and he knew Sam was there…I'm surprised he managed to overcome them as well as he did."

"A lot of booze was involved, I have to admit. At one point, his drinking got so bad, I had to threaten to kick him out, never let him see Ben again to get him to sober up." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I know he cared about me, but it was always Ben he loved."

"He did love you, Lisa. He does."

Lisa put her hand over Ryan's. "He could never give me his heart, Ryan. It always belonged to you."

Two tears made their way down Ryan's face. "I'm sorry, Lisa. You've been screwed over by us too many times."

Lisa shrugged. "I'm okay with that."

"It's still not fair," Ryan said on a yawn.

"Whoever said life was fair?" Lisa saw Ryan yawn again and implored, "Go to my house. Go get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"Lisa…"

"Please? Take them and take care of them."

"No promises," Ryan grumbled as Dean walked back in. She glanced up at him. There was no way he would let Lisa be alone, just in case something happened. Decision made, she said, "I think you should take Ben home for a bit, let him shower, then you two can come back in a few hours."

He blinked. "But…"

Ryan smiled. "I'll stay for now. Then, when you get back, we can switch."

Dean seemed to think about it a moment before he nodded. "Sure." He shook Ben's arm and told him they were going home for a shower. The boy half argued, but he was still slightly blurry-eyed as they each kissed Lisa's forehead and walked out of the room.

"That went better than I expected," Lisa admitted as she closed her eyes. "I'm so tired."

Ryan pulled her book out of her bag, toed off her shoes, and propped her feet up on the window ledge. "Rest, Lisa. I'll be here when you wake up."

Lisa slept for about forty-five minutes when a coughing fit woke her and she couldn't seem to catch her breath. Once she did, though, she laid back, looking, if possible, more tired than when she went to sleep. "Dreams…weird dreams are plaguing me."

Ryan nodded in understanding. "The medication they're giving you could be contributing to that. I know of quite a few prescription meds they can give you that will make you feel that way."

Lisa ignored that and said, "Will you make the arrangements? I've got most things settled, but I don't want Ben to have to do it."

"Of course."

"In my bedroom, there's a box with all of it mapped out for you. And I don't want a funeral. I don't want Ben going through that. I don't care what you do."

Ryan nodded.

"I put the house on the market. Just handle all that junk. Put the money toward whatever Ben wants to spend it on. I had hoped he would go to college, but since neither Dean nor I did, I don't except him to want to, especially not with this hunting thing…"

"I promise I'll do what I can in regards to that. I've got hopes the girls will want to go to college, at least for some classes, so we'll see…"

Lisa looked past her out the window. It was a dreary day, warm, but rainy. "I'm scared," she admitted softly.

"Of…?"

"Dying."

Ryan smiled. "It's like going to sleep. You wake up and you're in Heaven."

"How would you know?"

Ryan just looked at her. "Clearly you don't know much about the Winchesters. We die. We come back to life. I never considered myself…afflicted with that particular problem, but I guess I am. That's what happens when you have an angel in your pocket."

"You…died?"

Ryan nodded and moved to sit at Lisa's side. "In childbirth. With Jon."

"Your youngest?"

Ryan bit her lip. "Dean delivered him. He…he's not your average child. He was born in the bunker Ben told you about. I hemorrhaged. Luckily, there were two angels present at the time." Her eyes narrowed as she tried to drudge up the memories of being in Heaven. "I kept looking for Dean. I knew…it wasn't right because he wasn't there. Cas came and got me, brought me back…"

"Is it pretty?"

Ryan remembered where she had been, sitting on a swing, waiting for Dean to arrive. It had been a park. Her memories of being a four year old swinging on those very swings helped her know where she was, the little park they played at as children. "It is. And it's where you feel the safest, the happiest. That's what your Heaven looks like." She smiled at the other woman. "Where will yours be, if you had to guess?"

"Truthfully?"

Ryan glanced around the room. "It's just you and me. I won't tell, whatever it is."

Lisa sighed. "The house we lived in for most of Ben's life, in Cicero. The one we lived in before the Changlings…before Dean ever came back into our lives. It was just me and Ben and he looked at me like the sun rose and set in me. And I knew it did in him."

Ryan held in the grimace. On the one hand, she could understand Lisa's feelings on the subject, but on the other hand, she couldn't comprehend how the woman could wish any time away from Dean.

"You must think I'm terrible."

Ryan shook her head absently. "No. I get it. Really. You were safe. Happy. You didn't know monsters were real, and you just figured the dude you spent one weekend with would never come back into your life. I can appreciate that."

"I'm glad he came back, though. I'm glad Ben knows him. I can't…I can't imagine my sweet boy going through this alone."

Ryan grabbed Lisa's hand. "He won't, Lisa. He'll have Dean. And Sam. And Andy. And me. And all of the rest of our family."

Lisa squeezed her hand in return. "You have no idea how much peace that gives me. I feel like I can let go knowing you and Dean are looking after him. For all of Dean's faults, he's an excellent father, at least, from what I could see."

Ryan smiled at that. "He is. He's not quite sure how to handle a teenage daughter, but the rest, he's great. The boys love him. Hope adores him, Kris, well, she's always liked him. He's…" she trailed off and sighed.

Lisa chuckled and started coughing again. Once she got it under control, she said, "You've got it bad, girl. Like I said, jealous."

"I wish you could have found your soul mate, Lisa."

The other woman shrugged. "I'm not. I had Ben. And that was all I ever needed. He gave my life purpose, something, I'm sure you can identify with."

Ryan just nodded as a tear trailed down her face. "I'm sorry, Lisa."

Lisa blew out a raspy breath and laid her head back on the pillow. "Make it up to me by looking after my boys."

"With pleasure," Ryan whispered.

* * *

Ryan was shaken awake by Dean. "Wazzah?" she asked as she sat up and wiped the drool from her chin.

Dean's lip quirked. "It's your turn to shower and rest."

Ryan glanced out of the sunlit windows before she looked at Lisa, who was talking softly with Ben. She blinked and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "Okay."

"You gonna be alright to drive?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks." She looked him over. He had obviously showered and changed clothes. The slight scent of greasy food let her know they'd eaten. "Did you bring me anything to eat?"

He held up a bag. "Grilled chicken sandwich on a Kaiser roll. Tater Tots. Strawberry Lemonade."

She stood on tiptoe to kiss him. "You know me so well."

He winked. She sat down and quickly ate her food before she once more got to her feet. She walked over to Lisa and bent down to hug her. Lisa held on tightly and whispered in her ear, "See you on the other side."

Ryan's eyes grew wide, but she nodded. Lisa must have known her time was coming up short. This time…this was when it needed to be Ben, Dean, and Lisa, alone. She could respect that. "I'll look after them the best I can."

"Thank you," Lisa breathed as Ryan pulled away. She held it together as she said something sarcastic to Dean, made a joke for Ben, and walked down the hall. She slid into the driver's seat of Tory's van and broke down in sobs.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He watched Ryan walk out and turned toward Lisa. She shot him a look that said she wanted to talk to him alone. He'd gotten them enough during the time he'd lived with them. He glanced at the clock. "Say, Ben, why don't you go get me a candy bar from the cafeteria? I need some chocolate, dude." He handed the boy a twenty dollar bill. "Grab something for yourself, too. Scope out the joint, see what they're gonna have for dinner tonight."

"We just ate, Dad."

Dean shrugged. "Humor me."

Ben rolled his eyes but stood. He bent to kiss Lisa on the cheek before he snagged the money and walked out.

"He…he called you 'Dad'."

Dean winced as he took Ben's seat. "Yeah, sorry. The little ones do, and Hope does, and it just…"

Lisa put a hand on his. "I'm glad, Dean. All I ever wanted was for him to have a father. Well, he always had one, but I wanted him to have a real relationship with someone. I dated, but none of them were a fit, not with him."

"He does have…discerning tastes. He fits right in with Hope, though. The two of them, and me, talk about cars, music…of course, Kris and Ryan also chime in their fair share."

"You're happy."

"Too happy," he answered flatly. "I'm waiting for the next clusterfuck of my life to steal it all away from me."

She sighed. "That does seem to happen to you, doesn't it?"

He nodded. "But for now, I'm gonna ride it out as long as I can. I almost lost her…a couple of times. A few of them were with my own stupidity. So, I'm going to just…live."

"Good. I want you to."

They were both quiet a moment before she said, "I'm not going to see the sunrise, Dean."

"How do you…?"

She smiled and nodded toward the corner. "He told me."

Dean whipped his head around but didn't see anyone. "Who?"

She smiled. "He said to tell you his name was Mordecai, and Gabriel sent him personally."

Dean released the breath he'd been holding. "Tell him I said thank you. He's welcome to, you know, suit up if he wanted, take on a vessel…"

She shook her head. "He said it wasn't necessary, not for a reaping. Others did just because they wanted a chance to have a body. He says he's more comfortable being a wisp on the wind."

"I don't want you to go, Lis. I feel like…I just did you so wrong and I just…" Her hand squeezed his again.

"Dean, you did what you thought was best. I don't doubt you love Ben, just as much as you do the others. And I think you loved me, too."

"I did. I swear. I just…I had to leave. It was wrong, I know, but I…"

She shook her head. "Stop. Don't keep apologizing. You can't do anything about it anyway. Water under the bridge. Just look after our son and we'll call it square."

"Are you scared?" he found himself asking.

She pondered that a moment. "No. I talked to Ryan while you were gone and I know you two will look after Ben. That's always been what worried me. As long as my boy is taken care of, the rest, well, it'll work itself out. And Mordecai seems pretty nice."

Dean glanced at the corner again. "Is he going to stay until the end?"

She nodded. "Don't tell Ben."

Dean snorted. "No kidding. No, not gonna touch that one. He's got enough on his plate, he doesn't need to know is mom's reaper is hanging out."

She got into a coughing fit and he helped her sit up slightly until she managed to get it under control. When she laid her head back, she looked at him out of half-closed eyes. "Will you be okay?"

"Me?" he inquired. "Hell, Lisa, you're the one dying and you're worried about me?"

"You're the one that's left behind to pick up the pieces. You'll be there for him for the rest of his life. I just want to make sure you're good."

Dean scrubbed his hand over his face. "Please don't worry about us. He's got me and Ryan, Sam, Andy, Tory, Cas, Bobby, Jon, Krissy, Hope, and I'm sure there are others, once he gets to know them. We've got a huge village, I guess you'd say. We're all pretty close. I promise we'll take care of him, Lis."

She closed her eyes. "I believe you."

"You won't check out yet, will you?" He wanted Ben to be there when she went.

She chuckled flatly. "I trust Mordecai. He seems to have a lot of faith in this Gabriel character."

Dean smiled ruefully. "Gabe is…yeah, he's good. No offense, Morty, I just don't know you."

Lisa's lip quirked. "I think you offended him with the nickname, Dean."

"Hey, just ask Cas. Nicknames are my forte. I'm sure Gabe can tell you stories. I called him a few things, once upon a time."

"There were so many things I regret not telling you, Dean, things I regret not showing you."

At that, Dean gave her a wolfish grin. "I don't know…I'm pretty sure you taught me a few moves that weekend we spent together."

She slapped playfully at his arm. "Not that, you idiot." He smiled, glad to see her own smile grace her lips. "All Ben's baby books, picture albums, they're all…he knows where. I asked Ryan to help with things. I don't want a service. I want you to take Ben home to your house as soon as this is done. I want him to settle in as best he can to his new life. I want him to enjoy his senior year of high school. Make him do things. Let him enjoy himself. Let him do the things you wish you'd have done, okay?"

Dean nodded. "I promise," he whispered, his voice thick. "I promise, Lisa."

She nodded once more as they heard Ben's fast clip walking toward the room. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for giving me him, Dean. He's the best thing I could ever have asked for."

Dean's tears were rolling down his face as he said, "Thank you for giving him to me now, Lisa. I'll treasure this, okay? I swear it."

* * *

Lisa Anne Braeden died at 8:04 PM with Dean holding one of her hands, and Ben holding the other. Ben was stoic as they rode in the taxi home. Dean had texted Ryan and told her to wait, they were coming back.

She opened Lisa's door with tear tracks down her own face. She looked at him briefly before she zeroed in on Ben. Always a mother, she whispered, "Oh, Ben, baby, I'm so sorry…" That was all it took for the floodworks to start and she guided the teen to the couch where she held him, rocking slightly and whispering to him as she rubbed his hair.

Dean felt love wash over him. He always knew Ryan was a good person, but watching her with Ben, a child that wasn't her own, just like with Krissy, he knew the boy would be okay. Lisa had, too. She trusted them. And Dean would do his damnedest to keep the boy safe.

He decided to give Ryan and Ben some privacy so he wandered into the kitchen to grab a beer. He downed it before snagging another one and heading up the stairs to the guest room where their stuff was stowed.

He took a long, hot shower and when he stepped out, Ryan was waiting for him. "He okay?" he asked as he tucked the towel into itself around his waist.

She nodded. "He passed out on the sofa."

"And you?" he prompted.

She shook her head. "It isn't me I'm worried about, Dean."

"I'm fine," he stated gruffly.

She shot him a gentle look as she stood and walked to him. "It's okay, Dean. You can…"

"I said I'm fine," he snarled, a bit rougher than he meant to.

Instead of being angry, she moved even further into his space. She put a hand on his face and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch. He jumped slightly and his eyes shot open as he felt cool air where the towel had been, and her warm, soft hand touching him. "Ry…"

"Shhhh," she implored as she gently pulled his face down to hers. "Let me love you, Dean. I don't know what you need, but this, I can give."

He swallowed hard as she worked him until he was hard and then slowly, still keeping eye contact with him, dropped to her knees.

"A blow job doesn't fix everything, you know," he told her as he looked down.

She gave him a sad smile as she looked up from under her lashes. "But sometimes, it helps," she told him before she enveloped him in her mouth

"Fuck, babe," he growled as his hand found purchase in her hair. She licked, bit, and sucked as her hands massaged his calves, his thighs, up to his ass, and then finally, to his balls. She had him almost to the edge when he pulled her to her feet and his mouth fused with hers.

It wasn't slow anymore; his need had taken over and he was almost punishing as he ripped her clothes off and picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He didn't go for the bed, instead, he pushed her against the wall and into her simultaneously.

"Fuck," she growled as her nails dug into his biceps. "Yes," she hissed as his thumb dove for her clit.

He pounded her mercilessly until she fell over the edge and then he walked them to the bed, still keeping a firm grip on her as they fell onto the tangle of sheets from her nap.

If she didn't like how rough he was being, she didn't complain as his teeth fused over a nipple and his fingernail scraped her clit. In fact, she spurred him on, wrapping her legs tighter around him, her own teeth biting his ear lobe, whispering wet obscenities into his ear. He was close, but he wasn't finished with her, so he backed off and flipped them. He looked up at her, the sexiest creature he'd ever known as she ran her hands up her own body to play with her nipples.

"My God, you're the most gorgeous creature in existence," he growled, his voice sounding deeper, even to himself.

She bit her lip as she came down to kiss him gently. "You make me feel like the only woman on the planet."

"The only one for me," he swore.

She smiled at that. "I know."

He watched in awe as she leaned back to grab his thigh as she rode him and he wasn't ashamed to admit he whimpered as he watched her perfect body chase her orgasm. He saw it only moments before it came, the widening of her eyes, the way she held her breath, the tightening of her nipples, the blush that graced her chest, and then he felt her inner walls clenching him. He grabbed her hips and pounded as he emptied himself in her.

She fell lightly to his side and curled into him. "Love you," she murmured.

He tightened his grip on her as he tucked her into his side. "I love you, too, Ryan."

She kissed him gently and that was the last thing he remembered as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, he woke to find the bed empty. A glance at the clock showed him it was just barely six A.M. He got dressed quickly and walked downstairs. He glanced in the living room, but he heard Ryan's soft voice coming from the kitchen.

He walked in to find Ryan on the phone. His raised eyebrow had her mouthing the word "Hope" and he nodded as he moved to the refrigerator. He grabbed the carton of eggs and the milk, listening to Ryan's end of the conversation until she hung up.

"Well?" he asked.

"They got it."

"They okay?"

Ryan nodded as she poured a cup of coffee and handed it to him. He took it gratefully. "They're fine," she continued. "Ganked it and asked for permission to backtrack and go to Busch Gardens for a day or two. I told them that would be alright." She bit her lip. "That was alright, wasn't it?"

He blinked, surprised she asked or second-guessed herself. "Sure. That's cool."

She nodded. "That's what I thought." She moved to the toaster and snagged the loaf of bread on her way. "Egg sandwiches?"

"Breakfast of champions," he replied as he began scrambling the eggs.

"That looks weird," he heard from the doorway. He glanced up to see Ben standing there, disheveled. Clearly he'd slept all night on the sofa.

"What?"

Ben gave a half-smile. "You. In this kitchen. It just…it kinda brings up memories."

Dean felt the shock only a moment before Ryan said, "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah. I guess." He walked over and sat on one of the bar stools before he said, "Look, I want to get out of here. Can we do…whatever we have to and go home?"

"Ben…" Ryan started.

He shook his head. "I…I can't, okay? This…it already doesn't feel like home. I want to be back with Hope and Kris. I want Bobby to make me laugh and I want to sit and make Jon giggle. I just…this place…"

"It's cold now, isn't it?" Ryan asked softly.

He nodded again. "I want to do for Mom, whatever, and then I want, I need to get out of here."

"Of course," Ryan gave a little head bob and moved to a stack of papers on the table. "I have everything here. Your mom was nothing if not thorough. Do you want…?"

"Nothing. I don't want anything. I want out."

"Your mom's car…?"

"No. I don't…I don't want it." He laughed flatly. "I was saving up for my own car. I'll keep saving. I want life to get to a new normal in Kansas. I want to get a job, earn me a ride, finish school and then…" he trailed off and shrugged. "I'll figure it out. But I don't want any of this crap."

Ryan opened her mouth, to argue, Dean felt sure, but snapped it shut. She cleared her throat and nodded again. "Of course. That's a great idea."

They were all silent as Ryan handed Dean the toasted pieces of bread and he slid some eggs on to one slice for Ben. They ate in silence before Ben stood. "I'm gonna go pack up what I need in my room. Then we can say goodbye to Mom, alright?"

"Sure, Ben," Dean managed as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. "You want me to get some boxes?"

"Yeah. That'd be great. There's a hardware store a couple of blocks from here. We can pick them up on the way back, later."

Dean and Ryan watched him walk away and Ryan sighed. "Dean, after we put Lisa to rest, take him home, okay?"

"What about you?" he wondered as he pulled her into his arms.

"Lisa made me executor of her will. I've got the power I need to handle things for Ben. She told me your main objective was to look after him. Today, after we take care of Lisa, pile the van with his stuff and drive him home. I'll stay for a few days and get everything settled."

"Are you sure? That's…I should…"

She shook her head. "Lisa and I talked long into the night before I fell asleep. She told me all the things she wanted handled and how. I'll drive back in her car then sell it at a used car lot back home. The house is already on the market, all the stuff I'll have boxed up and put into a storage unit. He says he doesn't want anything, but I know he's just hurting. One day, something will mean something to him."

"How are so wise?"

She shrugged. "I'm not. I've just been through this before. I remember how numb I was when Daddy died. I wasn't in the right mindset to make those decisions, suicidal tendencies and depression or not. So I won't make Ben make those decisions. I can put them all on hold. One day, he may want to look through this stuff. And if not, then he can be the one to decide what stays and goes. All of their photo albums, things like that, I'll bring home with me."

He pulled her to him tighter and hugged her. "You're awesome. You know that?"

She kissed him. "I'm not, but thanks."

They stayed like that, her in his arms for a few moments before a thought surfaced. "I want to give her a hunter's funeral," Dean stated. "I don't want…"

Ryan nodded. "I know. I put a call in to the funeral home she wanted. I spoke to the director there. We'll go see her one last time before she's cremated. I'll stay with her and salt her body beforehand." She paused. "You don't think…there's nothing tying her here, is it?"

Dean shook his head. "Besides Ben? No. We were with her at the end, Ry. She was good with it. Said she had a reaper waiting to take her home. Said Gabe sent him personally."

She smiled at that. "Our boy. Always so considerate."

He scowled. "Not in his previous vessel."

Her lip quirked. "His previous vessel was me, Dean. But the last one you saw, yes, he was El Douche. But you spend a little time in Casa de Ryan, it changes your view I suppose."

"That still creeps me out to think about him possessing you, Ry."

She shrugged as she pulled away and grabbed the skillet to put it in the sink. "I guess you'd have to have that connection to get it. It doesn't bother me." She pondered it a moment. "Like how you and Cas have a profound bond, me and Gabe do, too. It's just different."

"Still creepy as fuck," he muttered under his breath.

She rolled her eyes. "That's a matter of opinion. Go on, get cleaned up. We can be over to the funeral home as soon as eight this morning. Since she's not being prepared for a service, they said they would have her ready and waiting for us first thing this morning."

Dean took in a breath. "This sucks."

She smiled sadly. "I know it does. Go on, get ready."

"I don't…I should…we shouldn't be in just normal clothes. She needs…we should respect her, you know?"

She inclined her head. "That's why I steamed your FBI suit. I had brought it to the beach just in case you needed it. I got out Ben's suit yesterday, too. It's hanging in his room."

"And you? Do you have anything to wear?"

She winced. "It may sound cheap, but I didn't want to buy anything. She had a black dress in the back of her closet…"

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"It looks like it's only been worn once. You don't think Ben would mind, do you?"

He shook his head. "Probably not. But, uh, you're taller than her…"

She shrugged. "It'll be a little short. That's okay."

"Thank you, Ry, for all you're doing. This…it's a lot, you know?"

She walked to him again and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'd do anything for you, Winchester. Haven't you figured that one out yet?"

He smiled. "Guess I'm slow on the uptake."

She smirked and pulled his head down for a chaste kiss. "Go," she breathed onto his lips.

"Be back down in a few, then you can get ready."

"Thanks," she told him as she pulled away once more.

He walked upstairs and quickly dressed in his suit. His breath caught in his throat as he tied his tie. He couldn't wait for this day to be over, and he felt sure Ben couldn't, either. He didn't bother shaving. He was back downstairs before Ryan even finished wiping down the kitchen countertops. "Go on, I'm done."

She looked up and smiled. "You fill out that suit nice, babe."

Suits…remembering her in a suit, he asked, "You remember that vampire case we worked? When you got turned?"

A slow smile crept on her face. "You mean the one where Bobby was conceived?"

He smiled. "Yeah. You still got that suit you wore? That was hot. That skirt and those heels? Damn."

She chortled. "I do. It's in the closet."

"Maybe, we get back, we should, you know, bring it out for posterity."

She giggled that giggle he liked so much and licked her lips seductively. "I like the way you think, Winchester." She shot him a wink before she walked out of the room. He watched her as she went. Her pajama shorts showed off her miles of leg and even though she was wearing one of his tee-shirts, she got him hot and bothered. He tried to chastise himself since they were basically going to his ex's funeral, but at the same time, he knew he should always appreciate the gift of Ryan, his wife, his soulmate.

* * *

When she came back down the stairs, he gasped. He remembered the dress. It was the one Lisa wore on her date, the time Ben called Dean back home. He felt sure the shock must have registered on his face because she looked down and brushed at the dress. "What? Does it look bad?"

He shook his head. "No…not at all."

"You're hot, Ryan," Ben said from where he was propped up against the doorjamb to the living room. "And it's kind of hard for me to appreciate that since Hope looks so much like you."

A rare bloom of pink graced the apples of her cheeks, making Dean grin briefly. Leave it to his son to make his wife blush. "We ready?" he asked.

The other two nodded and together, they walked out to the van. Ryan had gotten directions from her GPS and Dean quickly drove them to the funeral home. When they pulled into the parking lot, he chanced a glance back at Ben, who had his earbuds in, obviously so they wouldn't talk to him. "Think he'll be okay?" Dean wondered softly.

She glanced toward the backseat and nodded. "I think so. He's got a long road ahead, but with the family by his side, he'll make it. You made it after your dad died."

"Yeah, by beating the crap outta my baby's trunk."

She smiled at that. "Maybe you should take him to get out some of his aggression, go let him beat up on something."

Dean blinked. "Yeah. That's…God, Ry, you're a genius."

She chuckled. "I know I am, but what about?"

"What if I take him to Bobby's old place? I was wanting to get some tools from the outbuilding. Let him beat the shit out of an old car, maybe that would help him." Another idea hit him and he said, "Maybe he'd want to find a beater for me and him to fix up. Maybe that would help."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I think that's a brilliant idea, babe."

He nodded. "Good. Sold."

Ryan leaned toward the back and tapped Ben's knee. He looked up, startled and winced as he realized where they were. Dean saw a look of pity cross Ryan's face, but she covered it quickly as she turned to get out of the vehicle.

They walked into the building together, and Ryan gasped. "What?" Dean wanted to know.

She blinked a few times and shook her head. "Déjà vu."

Realization dawned and he said, "You've done this before. You did this for her, the last time around, didn't you?"

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. I did. Ben was in the hospital with a broken leg. Hope came with me. I wouldn't allow her to heal him fully because I was afraid he would run before he got a chance to know us…"

Dean put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She grabbed his hand with hers and held it there while they waited.

The rest of it was kind of a blur for Dean. He remembered meeting the funeral director with the really bad comb over, he remembered walking down the hall, but actually seeing Lisa's body…he knew Ryan would come back later to salt her, she had greased the guy's palm with a couple of bills to allow her access to Lisa before she was cremated, but all he could think about was getting the hell out of there. Dead bodies shouldn't have bothered him. He'd salted and burned his dad, Bobby, Kevin…but this…he was about to bolt when Ben stood from kissing Lisa's forehead. "Let's go," the boy managed to say thickly.

Dean nodded emphatically and they walked quickly back toward the van. He breathed in the sweet oxygen of the late July air as he stepped out the door and felt Ryan squeeze his hand. He didn't even realize he was still holding hers. He glanced down at her and her eyes seemed to say all the things she couldn't. He nodded. "I'm okay," he told her. She looked as if she didn't believe him, but she just offered him a small smile and they parted ways to get into the van.

As promised, Dean stopped at the hardware store and they got boxes for Ben's stuff. It took them no time at all to box all his clothes, toiletries, and memorabilia from his room he wanted to take and in two hours, they were standing next to the van, ready to pull out. Dean hugged Ryan and kissed her, offering a soft, "Thank you," in her ear.

"Be careful," she cautioned. "Call me when you get there. You gonna stay with Jody?"

He nodded. While Ben had packed, he'd called Jody and asked if they could borrow a couch. Luckily, her house had a guest room for Dean as well. "Yeah. She's got room."

Ryan nodded. "Okay." She turned to Ben. "Can I at least give you an awkward hug?"

The boy smiled at that. "Ryan, I'm comfortable with you. You are kinda like my second mom, already. I can't promise I won't be a horse's ass on occasion, but I'll try to respect you because you respect me, respect Krissy, Hope, you're just cool that way."

She smiled.

"So, no, you can't give me an awkward hug." Her smile turned into a frown. Ben's smile grew. "Because there's nothing awkward about it." He pulled her close and hugged her tightly.

Surprise showed on her face for a moment before she wrapped her arms tighter around him and hugged her in return. When he pulled away, she wiped a tear from her eye and chuckled. "Dean can say what he wants, but Winchesters are huggers. And I tell you something else, they give the best hugs."

He stood a little straighter. "Then, I'm proud to be one." He turned to Dean. "So, look, I know I'm yours. And I know I'm calling you Dad and stuff now, but…I think I'm gonna keep my last name. For now, at least. Okay?"

Dean swallowed a lump in his throat. "I think that's more than fair." He glanced at the van. "You ready to go?"

Ben nodded. "Is it okay if I drive?"

Dean tossed him the keys. "Be my guest. This thing is a piece of crap."

"Watch it," Ryan warned. "Tory can probably hear you three states over."

"Have you heard from her or Cas?"

She shook her head. "No. Nothing yet. No news is good news, right?"

"I guess." He would worry about Cas another day. Right now…he glanced at Ben as the boy gave one last long look at his house. He thought he heard the boy whisper, "Goodbye," to it, but he couldn't be sure.

"Look after him," Ryan whispered.

"Lisa told me the same thing when I left with him a few weeks ago."

Ryan smiled. "It still holds."

He gave her a gentle mock salute and slid into the passenger seat.

As they drove away, Ben said, ""It's like déjà vu."

Dean nodded. "A lot of life is, Ben. You ready?"

The book took in a breath and nodded. "Let's go."

* * *

Jody was, of course, as kind as ever, and had their beds ready when they got there. Ben got settled in on the couch and Dean went to join her for a drink in the kitchen. She popped the top on two beers and handed him one. "So? How's he doing?"

Dean shrugged. "As well as to be expected, I guess. He didn't say much on the trip."

She let out a snort. "Can't _begin _to imagine where he got that character trait."

He shot her a look. "Funny."

She smiled. "Well, he's in good hands with your family, even if he doesn't see it yet."

"I think he does. But getting over this, it will take a long ass time."

"You forget I've lost people too, Dean," she stated softly.

Dean remembered her husband and her son and he winced. "Jod…"

She held up a hand as she swigged her beer. "Save it. I'm not aiming to look back and drown my sorrows in booze tonight, Dean."

He decided a change in subject was in order. "So, what's new with you?"

Her lip curled. "I've got to go to some damn Sheriff's retreat bullshit in a few weeks."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Mandatory?"

"Afraid so."

"That…sounds terrible," Dean admitted on a laugh.

She joined him. "Tell me about it."

"Maybe you'll make some new friends," he teased.

She kicked him under the table. "Thanks a lot."

He chortled and finished his beer. She gestured to the fridge and he grabbed two more. She took her fresh one gratefully. "How's the girl doing?" he inquired as he sat back down. "We didn't get to talk much at the wedding. She still dating the dude from the diner?"

Jody shrugged. "She's, eh, she's okay. They broke up, but I don't think it's gonna stick. He's older than her, but she definitely doesn't need a high school kid. He's a good guy, despite the weird hair."

"I forgot she's still…how old is she?"

"In years or experience?" Jody shook her head. "She's smart, I have to hand it to her. Even with those monsters keeping her out of school most of the time, she's managed to become a senior this year. She's not exactly thrilled to be in high-school."

"I don't blame her. I didn't lose a damn thing in school."

Jody smiled. "Yeah, academia doesn't seem to be your bag. Glad it's Sam's."

Dean smiled thinking of his brother. "Definitely glad it's his."

"He doing okay with the little boys?"

Dean nodded. He hadn't talked to Sam, but he'd gotten a few texts from him, and a few from Andy as well. She was a natural with kids, but she didn't like to admit it. He wondered if she realized Sam wanted rugrats sooner rather than later. Guess that would be an interesting conversation, when it happened.

Jody yawned. "No offense, but I'm not as young as I used to be and I gotta get up early in the morning for work."

Dean stood when she did. He wouldn't mind going to bed, himself. "Thanks, Jody, for everything. We'll be out of your hair in a day or two."

She shrugged. "Stay as long as ya need, Dean. I know going over to Bobby's isn't easy."

Dean glanced into the living room where Ben was watching TV on his makeshift bed on the couch. "Times like this, I wish he was still around. I swear, some days, most days, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

Jody chortled at that. "Welcome to parenthood. You never know what you're doing. Then, one day, you're done. Enjoy it while you got it, Dean."

He swallowed and nodded. "Are you happy, Jody? With the kid and just, like, life and shit?"

She pondered that a moment. "Maybe. Some days more so than others. I'm glad I've got her and she's got me. We butt heads more than we agree, but it's good. It's…healthy. Don't think I was healthy after Owen came back from the dead and then Sean…" She shook her head. "No, I'm not happy all the time, but I find happiness on occasion."

Dean gripped her shoulder like he had done with Ryan just that morning and she gave him a smile. "Extra key is on the nightstand in case you need to get in and out while I'm at work. The kid…well, she kind of comes and goes. So don't go shooting her because you hear a noise, got it?"

"Ten-four, Sheriff."

"Smart ass," she muttered as she walked toward her room.

He chuckled under his breath and walked into his bedroom.

* * *

The next morning, he and Ben got up and headed for the diner. Dean asked if Ann wanted to go, but she somewhat politely declined. After an awesome breakfast, they headed over to Bobby's place. Since Dean was listed as his next of kin, Jody had just forwarded all the paperwork into Dean's name so the place was technically his. As they drove down the driveway, Ben leaned forward and let out a low whistle. "Damn. This is depressing." He glanced at Dean and winced. "Sorry. I know he meant a lot to you…"

Dean sucked in a breath. "Yeah, he did. And he liked you, too, Ben. I think he knew about you being mine."

Ben thought a moment before he said, "I think he knew about Hope, too."

Dean nodded. "He did, yeah."

"Does that bother you? Seriously."

"What?"

"How Ryan lied to you."

Dean cut the engine and stepped from the van before he looked over the hood at Ben who had also gotten out. "I won't lie, it stung. Still does, sometimes, if I think about it too much. But I mean, come on…she had every right. Just like your mom did. I wasn't a great guy, Ben, and I was in an even worse place. I couldn't…" He shook his head. Thinking and wishing wasn't going to help anyone, least of all him.

Ben's eyes narrowed. "You may not have been in a great place, Dad, but you were always a good man. Remember that one, okay?"

Dean just looked in awe at his son as he walked away. He wasn't sure how long he stood there before he heard Ben call out excitedly, "Dean! Come here! Check this out!"

Dean blinked and walked toward the sound of Ben's voice. He had managed to make his way toward the back of the junkyard where a lot of semi-decent cars were. Dean remembered working on a few of them with Bobby. Most of them were missing parts and pieces, some, were missing their engines entirely but were otherwise intact. "Yeah?"

"Is…is that what I think it is?"

Dean looked at the car and grinned like a loon. "That's one trampy lady. She's a tail-wagon, Ben."

"Can I have her?"

Dean looked at the 1970 Plymouth Barracuda with a raised eyebrow as he scratched his head. A frown worked its way across his mouth. "Do you realize how much work will have to go into her? She's gonna need special parts, hell, she's missing her damn engine!"

"But…can I have her?"

A slow smile spread on Dean's face. "Ryan's gonna murder me."

"After we get the car up and running, right?"

"Hopefully," Dean stated. He chuckled. "Let's go see how hard it would be to get her out of here. I'll have to tinker on Bobby's rollback to get her down to Kansas and she's gonna need more work than she's worth."

"But her frame's good. The outside of her isn't too bad."

"Some rust spots," Dean stated as he walked around the car. He winced. "A lot of rust spots. She's gonna need a shit-ton of bonding to fix those rust patches."

"But it's doable, right?"

Dean stroked his chin as he thought while he continued his tour around the car. "Seats are trashed. Probably the best thing we can do is rip the whole interior out. This is going to cost a fortune."

"I'll work for it."

"You bet your ass you'll work for it. Your mom wouldn't want you to just waste money on it."

Ben nodded softly.

"And you're doing most of the work. I'll show you, hell, I'm sure Hope will want to get under this beast, but you're still doing the lion's share."

"I will."

Dean looked into the boy's hopeful eyes and he smiled. "Fine. Let's do it."

"Thank you!" Ben exclaimed as he pulled out his cell phone and started snapping pictures of the car. "Hope is gonna flip her shit."

"So is her mother," Dean stated flatly under his breath. "Help me gather up what I'll need. We may have to make a few runs if you're going to put this much work into her. She's gonna need a lot of TLC, Ben."

Ben ran his hand gently up front quarter panel of the car. "I will, won't I, Cherry? I'll take good care of you."

"Cherry?"

Ben grinned. "Yeah. 'Cuz she's gonna be cherry by the time I'm finished with her." He paused. "Will she be good for hunting? Ya know…if I decide to?"

Dean thought a moment. "Trunk's a little small, but manageable. She's not gonna have the room the Impala does, but I think I can make the weapon's cache work for you."

Ben looked at him. "Am I going to get to hunt?"

"Ben…"

"Mom's gone, Dean. I just…I need to know where I'm heading with my life."

"And a life where it's constantly on the line is it for you?"

"It's in my blood!"

"Don't say that!" Dean snapped. "You have a choice, Ben!"

"It's not a choice! It's my destiny and unlike you and Sam, I embrace, it!"

"So you wanna go out and get yourself killed by some monster? Wanna die young? Is that what you want? Is this a death wish, Ben?"

"No!" Ben shouted as he lunged for Dean, but the older man was faster and caught him and held him, arms by his sides.

"You're gonna have to work like your life depends on it, because it does! And still, it may not be good enough. My god, Ben, do you know how many times Sam and I have died? The only reason we keep coming back is because…"

"Because it's your destiny, Dad. Just like this is mine." Dean loosed his grip and Ben slid from the hold. He turned and looked at Dean. "You can like this or not, but it's happening."

"I don't want you getting hurt, Ben."

"Then teach me, damn it! Teach me how I need to be trained!"

Dean sighed. "I already told you I'd teach you, I just want to know why."

Ben thought a moment. "Because it's the right thing to do. Because I do know what goes bump in the night, but tons of people don't! And if the ones that know don't do anything to stop it, when does it end? Do we just sit around in our bunkers boo-hooing on how the world has gone to shit? Or do we fight the monsters so others can live? Personally, I'd rather go down swinging than sitting around with my thumb up my ass like a pansy."

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but finding no words to counter the boy's argument, he snapped his mouth shut and blew a breath out of his nose. He shook his head. "Winchester stubborn. I didn't realize what Ryan meant until just this moment." He glared at Ben. "Fine. But damn it, you're going to do more than just be a grunt. You're gonna let Sam teach you about the Men of Letters. And if you ever, _ever _wanna back out of hunting, I swear, you'll never hear one argument from me. Hell, I'll throw a damn party when you come to your senses."

Ben grinned. "Like that's gonna happen. Winchester, remember?"

Dean rolled his eyes. They looked at one another and Dean smiled. "Come on. You're not hunting today. Help me gather some of this shit, then I need to see if I can dig up some keys or if I'm gonna have to hotwire the rollback."

"Can you show me how to do that?"

"Can you promise you'll only steal cars to get away from monsters?"

Ben contemplated that a moment too long and Dean glared at him. "Kidding!" Ben laughed as he held up both hands. "Of course. Only to get away from monsters. Or Ryan if she gets scary…"

Dean rolled that thought around and nodded. "You'll have to run fast to beat me. That woman scares the shit out of me."

Ben just laughed.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Jody called him. "I swear, you Winchesters are like bad-luck charms."

Dean blinked and wiped his brow. They'd been busy moving and inventorying the things they would need to take home with them. "What's up?"

"Got a mutilated cow out on the Richard's farm. Feel like taking a ride, see if it's something I need to get some…professional assistance on?"

Dean glanced over at Ben, who was humming along with the music coming from his phone. "I don't have any of my gear, Jod. I do have my fake badge and suit though…"

"Run by the house and change. I'll pick you up in the squad car in thirty."

Dean slipped his phone in his pocket and yelled, "Ben!"

Ben took his earbuds out. "Yeah?"

"Pack up. We're calling it a day. Jody's got something she needs me to look over. You good with going back to the house for a few? I know I said you could hunt, but you don't need to go in this wet behind the ears."

Ben nodded. "Sure. That's fine. Want me to call Ryan or Sam?"

Dean shook his head. "Not yet. Just let us take a look-see. If it's bad, I'll call in somebody to help. Kris and Hope finished their job, they could join us if need be."

Ben looked like he wanted to say something but didn't. "What?" Dean asked.

Ben shook his head.

"Spill it."

"It's gonna be hella complicated with Kris."

"Because you have feelings for her?"

Ben blinked.

"I'm not as stupid as I look, Ben."

Ben shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I don't. Maybe I just…"

"Have an itch you need to scratch?" Dean provided.

"Well…yeah."

"Then please, for my sanity, don't do it with Kris, okay? She's a good kid, Ben. Not that I'm saying you need to go out and bang every chick you run up on, because girls should never be used for sex. We had this conversation before."

Ben nodded solemnly. "I remember."

"So…keep that in mind, okay? Look at it like this; you got a sister now. And you love that sister. And if any dude came along and acted like a dick to her, you'd be pissed, right?"

"Damn straight. If Hope didn't fuck him up, I'd do it for her."

Dean smiled despite himself. "Exactly. Now, picture every chick you're with? She's got a brother, too. Even if she doesn't. Feel me?"

Ben nodded again. "I got ya."

"Okay. Let's head back to Jody's house."

Ben eyed him as they walked back to Tory's van. "You'd better take five and shower. You stink like oil and sweat, dude."

Dean gave him a playful shove. "You're one to talk. At least I didn't have an oil pan blow up on me."

"I can't believe that fell off that damn shelf and on my head. I'll never get the oil out of my hair."

"Lots of shampoo, bud. Lots of shampoo."

* * *

Dean was waiting, cleaned and somewhat polished, when Jody pulled up. She glanced at the house. "Ann in there?"

Dean nodded. "She and Ben are going to call in a pizza."

"Good. I don't know if this is anything, but we don't get a lot of cow mutilations unless it's animals or monsters. Wasn't planning on monsters, and we rarely have animals attacking cows, but we could have a rabid something or other out there…"

"It's fine, Jody. Let's see what's shakin'."

They drove the farm which was south-west of town and Dean met the sweet old Mrs. Richardson and her husband, who was blind as a bat. They were directed toward the fence where Old Bessie was. She had been a milk cow in her younger days, but she was living out her retirement years on the farm along with a few other cows.

Dean glanced around and that's when he noticed the tracks. He knelt down for a closer inspection and said, "Jody."

She knelt next to him and nodded. "Bobcat, most likely."

Dean glanced around. "Bobcats don't usually kill animals this big, do they?"

"Not usually, no."

"You don't think it could be a mountain lion, do you?"

"Here?"

Dean glanced around. "Their tracks are almost similar, but the kill suggests mountain lion."

"If he's this far east, there's something up."

"Should we kill it?"

Jody stood and sucked in a breath. "This isn't your thing, Dean. I'll get the ranger or animal control in on it. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

She nodded and smiled. "I'm just glad it's _not _your kind of thing. I've had enough trouble in my backyard. No need to make it worse."

He stood. "If you're sure…"

She chuckled. "No killing anything today, Dean."

He snapped his fingers. "Damn."

She chortled and they walked back to the house. Jody informed Mrs. Richardson what she thought it was, and to be careful, and that she was going to send the Forest Rangers as well as Animal Control out there to assess the situation.

Once they were back in the car, Jody got a call for a traffic accident. She groaned. "It never ends. Can I just dump you out at the house?"

"Sure. Go ahead. Thanks."

"I need a drink."

"I'll keep the beers cold and make sure you've got something stronger, just in case."

"It's locked in my bedroom behind my dresses I never wear, just FYI."

Dean's eyebrow rose. "Safe?"

She nodded. "Combo should be easy for you to crack, or you could call and ask Ryan."

Dean grinned. "Can do, sheriff. See you later."

"Thanks, Dean, for checking on the non-monster."

"My pleasure." He stepped from the car and walked up the steps onto the porch.

He didn't bother to knock, just walked on in…and let out a yelp. "What the hell?" he growled as he took in the sight on the couch. "Seriously? What the hell?!"

Ben hid Ann behind him, not that it did any good. Both of them were naked as the day they were born. Dean snapped his eyes shut. "Clothes. Now!"

He heard them scrambling to get dressed and he blew out a breath as he said, "I'm counting to sixty. You'd better hope and pray you're fast at getting dressed!"

When sixty rang out in the silence room, he opened his eyes. Ben was still slipping his shirt over his head, but Ann seemed to be clothed enough. "Now, do I want to know what the fuck was happening?"

Ben grinned. "I'm, uh, helping her get over her breakup?"

Dean's jaw ticked. "Ann, go to your room. Jody will handle you. Ben, sit your ass down."

The girl glared at him, but Dean was far too used to women trying to give him the stare-down so he returned it. Something in his eyes must have told her not to fuck with him, because her eyes widened and she scurried past him to the stairs. Dean looked back at Ben, who had dropped to the sofa and he asked, "So, I repeat; 'What the hell?'"

"Am I not allowed to have sex now, under your regime, Dictator Winchester?"

"Oh no. Hell no, we ain't playing that, Benjamin Isaac."

"Don't," Ben started and Dean's heart gave a lurch when he heard the boy's voice crack. "You don't get to use my middle name like she would…"

Dean deflated slightly and blew out a breath as he dropped to the easy chair. His nose wrinkled slightly as he pulled Ann's pink lace bra from under his ass. He grinned despite himself as he held it up. "This yours?"

It gave him the result he wanted. The boy gave him a bitch face that would have made Sam proud. "Are we going to do this? Seriously?"

Dean shook his head. "Seriously, Ben. What the hell were you thinking? Ann?"

"She's hot."

"Not gonna argue with you, she's attractive, Ben, but she's Jody's kid and she's three shades of fucked up."

"Like me?" Ben countered. "God, Dad, I don't…I just…" He looked down at his bare feet. "I just needed…something…and she needed something and we just…" He looked up. "It may have been a mistake, but that's it. It's not like either of us are looking for a damn love connection, you know. We were…mutually using one another for a moment of pleasure."

Dean rolled his eyes. The kid was right and he knew it, but still… "At least tell me you used protection."

"I may be hurting, Dad, but I'm not stupid. You taught me to always be prepared and be cautious. Of course I was careful. No funky diseases for me, thank you very much."

Dean chuckled flatly. "Well, that's good to know. But come on. You've got the house to yourself, a perfectly good bed in her room, and you do it on the couch? Where we could catch you?"

"One thing kinda led to another…" Ben paused. "It's not like you and Ryan don't do it on every available surface you can find!"

"Ryan and I are married. And we're adults. We can do it wherever the hell we please."

"So, what? You don't care I had sex, just where it was?!"

"That's not the…" Dean sucked in a breath and blew it out of his nose. "I get it. Okay? I'm just glad you didn't get drunk or do drugs again first. I'm sure she has some."

The guilty look on Ben's face had Dean sighing. "What did you do?"

"Just a little weed, to relax us. And a beer. Or two."

Dean's jaw ticked as he ground his teeth. "Damn it, Ben!"

"Look, I know what I'm doing, okay?"

Dean's eyebrow popped. "Looking around the room at the clothes lying about, and you admitting you drank and did the dirty with Mary Jane tunes me in to the fact you don't know what you're doing and you're not in control, and take it from someone who's make a fuck-ton of mistakes, this is a slippery slope you're riding, Ben."

"Get off my fucking back, Dean. You haven't been here for me!"

"But I'm here for you now, damnit!" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, I fucked up. Is that what you wanted to hear? I regret what I did to you and your mom and I'll regret it until my dying day and then I'll hang onto it in the afterlife. But it doesn't change anything. It's done. Over. She forgave me for it. Hell, I think she understood. And deep down, I think you do, too. But I swear to you, Ben, I won't leave you again. I won't leave any of it, not without a damn good fight and to my last breath."

Two tears tracked down Ben's face as Dean continued. "So, while I'm…disappointed you chose this…method to grieve, I don't blame you. I'd probably do the same. Hell, I _have _done the same. But it's done. Can't undo it now, can we? But you can't implode, Ben. I can be there for you but you gotta own up to some of your own shit. Grieve. Definitely grieve. But don't be stupid about it." He thought a moment. "Maybe you need to do the counseling thing…"

"You wanna shrink my head?!"

Dean looked at him in surprise. "You can honestly say every damn one of us don't need some professional help? We hunt monsters for a living, Ben. You know who does that? Crazy people. I admit it. I'm guano from the get-go. My fate was sealed when my dad put baby Sammy in my arms and made me run out of the house with him when I was four years old. I've been fucked up for a long time. Too long, probably. But you? You're grieving and I understand that. When I lost my dad, I beat the shit out of my car and I shoved all those emotions down and it hardened me. Don't let that happen to you. Please…" Dean cleared his throat as his voice cracked. "Let me help. I don't wanna fail your mom and I know you don't want to, either."

They were both silent for a time until Ben sighed. "I don't want to go to a shrink."

"It's up to you."

"But I'll try to talk to you more about it."

"It doesn't have to be me. We've all lost people, Ben. Tory lost her family because they abandoned her for her sexual orientation. God abandoned Cas. Andy's lost her mom and her dad and her twin sister. And Ryan…" he blew out a breath. "Sammy lost Dad too, you know. And we lost Bobby. And all our friends are dead. We all know how much it sucks to lose someone. So if you wanna talk, it can be to any of us, Ben. Just talk to someone."

Ben chuckled. "That sounds so weird coming from you. Dude, Ryan's turned you into a girl."

"Yeah," Dean agreed with a grin, "That's what happens when you give over control of your nut sack. But I don't regret it."

Ben gave him a small smile. "I'm glad you're so happy, Dad. Really. You deserve it."

"And so do you. Hell, we all do. 'Bout time we started enjoying it. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life isn't promised. And just because angels or what the fuck ever have brought me back before, that doesn't mean they will again. I've been living on borrowed time for a over a decade now. I know one day I won't wake up. But until then, I'm gonna love the hell out of my family and take out as many evil sons of bitches as I can."

Ben swallowed. "That. Right there. That's why I want to hunt."

Dean slowly inclined his head. "Good enough. You start training as soon as we get back home. But you can't go out until Sam, Ryan, or myself say you're ready. Deal?"

Ben nodded. "Deal."

They sat in silence a moment more before Ben asked, "So…Ann…"

Dean blew out a breath. Parenting was harder than hunting, in his opinion. "I won't squeal on you two. But she should own up to it to Jody."

"I'll tell her she needs to come clean."

"So did you two manage to actually order pizza or were you too busy…you know."

Ben smiled. "There's a couple of slices of cheeseburger pizza out on the table and some cheesy bread."

Dean stood. "Awesome. I'm starving. Parenting is hard work."

Ben snorted as he stood and followed Dean to the kitchen. "So? Was it a monster you and Jody checked out?"

Dean shook his head as he loosened his tie and slid his jacket off. "No. Mountain lion."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I'd rather deal with a werewolf, myself, but then, I was never the animal hunter Bobby was."

"Do you hunt? Animals?"

Dean shook his head. "No. I couldn't quite bring myself to kill Bambi. Bobby used to joke about it all the time. Sam was the same. Monsters are easy to kill. An innocent animal? Not so much."

Ben looked at him in awe a minute. "What?" Dean asked as he shoved a chunk of breadstick in his mouth.

Ben shook his head and blinked. "I just never really thought of you having an issue killing anything."

Dean shrugged as he snagged a beer from the fridge and sat. "One of my failings, I suppose."

Ben just shook his head. "No. I don't think that's a failing at all. You're a lot of things, but cruel isn't one of them."

Dean blanched at that. "Clearly you don't know about my stint in Hell."

"I read the books, Dad. I know more than you think I do."

"Son of a bitch! Has everyone read those god forsaken things?"

Ben smirked. "Probably. Yes."

"Smart ass," Dean muttered. "Get out of my sight. Go tell Ann no more hanky-panky and tell her to come clean to Jody. I don't want you two making me out a liar to my friend. I respect Jody. You and Ann both should, too."

Ben gave him a mock-salute. "Ten-four, El Capitan," he said before he turned to go upstairs.

Dean watched his retreating form. "Yep. Definitely a smart ass."

* * *

Two days later, Ben and Dean headed toward Kansas. Dean had gotten the roll-back up and running, so Ben was driving Tory's van behind him. It was loaded down with an assortment of tools they would need to bring Cherry back to mint condition. Dean knew they'd need another run up north, but eventually he would have all the tools down there he needed. When he did, he contemplated what to do with Bobby's place. The house had been destroyed in the fire the Leviathans set, but the basement was still half-way intact. He wondered if maybe they should build a safe house there. That would be something he could talk over with Sam and Ryan, get their input.

Jody had been surprisingly cool about the whole 'Sexgate' as Dean had started calling it, much to Ben's chagrin. Dean had told Ryan all about it and she had surprisingly agreed with how he handled it.

A text from Ryan said she would be arriving home only a few minutes before them and he couldn't wait to see her. She had busted her ass getting everything done in Indiana regarding Lisa's estate. Luckily since she only had one child, there was no one to contest the will and everything fell into place. She had movers take all of the stuff from the house and put it in storage and she was bringing home photo albums and pictures to add to their own growing collection of memories.

Dean pulled up and saw a strange car in the drive. Figuring it was Ryan, he was surprised when she pulled in behind them in Lisa's car. He sent a skeptical look the strange car's way when he heard, "Oh, my, God. Seriously, Dean?!"

He turned to his wife and grinned. "What?"

"That? THAT is the car you and Ben chose?!"

"Isn't she great, Ryan?" Ben asked as he stepped from the van. "Her name is Cherry."

"Sounds like a stripper name," she shot back.

The boy just grinned. "I know. Epic, right?"

Hope came out of the house just then and ran to hug Ben and they both excitedly started talking about the car.

"Dean," Ryan began softly. "You bought him a pimpmobile?"

"What? No! It's a classic beauty!" he shot back.

"It's a classic panty dropper! Do you know how much tail he's gonna get with that car?"

Dean just smirked and Ryan whacked him on the arm. "No! Bad Dean! We can barely handle the monsters we have! We can NOT handle a grandchild!"

"Ben knows what he's doing."

"Uh-huh. And him having sex with Ann is proof of that?"

Dean heard a gasp and turned in time to see Krissy's hand fly to her mouth.

"Kris…" Ryan began.

The girl's eyes narrowed and she started shaking her head before she stomped away.

"Fuck," Ryan muttered under her breath. "That's gonna be a problem…"

"Ya think?" Dean stated snidely. He glanced at the car in the driveway again. "Who's here?"

Ryan shrugged as she watched Krissy's retreating form and Dean knew his wife was worrying for the girl. That would be something they would deal with. Later. "Beats me. Let's go find out."

* * *

**Day Nine (Wednesday)**

**Tory POV**

She blew out a breath as they appeared outside a child detention center. "Here? She's…here?"

Castiel furrowed his brows as he looked in or whatever the hell angels did. "Yes. She is inside. Why?"

"This is like…kiddy jail, Cas! I thought she was with her mom!"

"She is…supposed to be."

Tory rolled her eyes. "Well, if she's here, then she ain't with her mom, sweetheart."

"Then what…"

"Let me do the talking," Tory told him. He just looked at her. She glared at him. "Babe, I love you, but you aren't human. And you don't act like it, either."

He pouted. There was no other word for it. "I felt as though I was starting to acclimate, Victoria."

She sighed. "And you are, honey, but you definitely aren't there yet."

"Very well. You are the trained liar. I will go along with you."

"No matter what I say, go with it, okay?"

He paused a moment before he nodded. "Very well."

She squared her shoulders, took in a breath, blew it out, and reached for the door. She was glad she had worn some decent clothes. She took out her fake FBI badge and showed it to the front desk. "I need to speak to Claire Novak's case worker, please."

"In regards to…?"

Tory shot the woman a look. "In regards to the fact I'm a federal agent and I need to see her." She pressed on a fake smile. "Thank you," she added drolly.

The woman didn't look ruffled, merely bored as she punched a few numbers on the phone and spoke into it. When she looked up, she said, "Sandy will see you. Fifth door on the right, down that hallway."

Cas opened his mouth, but Tory just shot him a look and he snapped it shut.

They walked down the hall and knocked on the door. The woman looked up and motioned for the chairs in front of her. "You needed to see me?"

Tory nodded. "I'm Victoria Mason, FBI. This is Jimmy Novak."

"Claire's father?"

Tory nodded. "Yes. He's been working with us for the past few years."

"And no one knew? Not even his wife?"

The woman was quick, but Cas had her pegged when he said Tory was a very good, very experienced liar. "No. It wasn't safe. He's been undercover in a gang."

Sandy looked at him. "What kind of gang? A gang of accountants?"

Tory smiled at that. "Not exactly. He was working as their accountant. It was a drug smuggling ring. Lots of money coming in and out of the place. Anyway, we finally got them all taken care of and he came back here looking for his family. He was directed here."

The woman, Sandy, pulled out a rather large case file. "Your daughter is a frequent flier here, Mr. Novak. She's been in several homes, been caught shoplifting…would you be able to take her away from that and get her the help she needs?"

When Cas didn't answer, Tory elbowed him in the ribs. "Yes. Of course. I will help her in any way possible."

Sandy didn't look impressed. "Agent…"

"Mason," Tory stated.

"Agent Mason, surely you must know this isn't standard protocol. And without knowing anything about Mr. Novak's whereabouts for the past few years, I'm afraid my hands are tied."

Tory stood. "Of course. I'll just take this up with my supervisor. I'm sure we can have some dirt dug up on this establishment, get you closed down for a while, make sure everything is in working order…"

"There are kids that depend on us! You would shut us down just for one girl?"

"Do you know what this man has done for our country? For the world? No, of course not. But let me tell you, he's put in his time. He deserves to relax with his remaining family. He wants his daughter. He deserves to get her back. Now, are you going to give me lip, and we do this the hard way? Or are you gonna push through the paperwork? Because," Tory grinned, "I've gotta tell you…I'm itching for a fight about this."

The woman's eyes widened slightly as she picked up a phone. "Tell Novak she's got a visitor. She's free to go as soon as the paperwork is signed." She put the phone back down on the cradle and said, "We will be checking in on you."

Tory gave her a tight-lipped grin. "Naturally."

Almost an hour later, they were being ushered down the hall by an orderly. A glance at Cas showed him looking almost green around the gills. "Hey," she whispered. "It'll all work out."

"She…this isn't what I wanted for her. What do I know about looking after her?" he whispered back.

She smiled. "Well, I guess we'll figure it out, won't we?"

The orderly knocked on a door and said, "Novak, got a visitor."

"Tell Sandy to bite me."

"No, it's not Sandy. Your old man's here."

Cas and Tory were ushered in the room and Tory got her first glimpse of the girl. Blonde hair in a half braid, a few tattoos on her wrist, a chip on her shoulder Tory could see from the door…this was going to be fun.

The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. The orderly paused and said, "I'll be outside." He walked out and Tory all but shivered at the cold in the room.

"I'm not your father," Cas began.

Clare snorted. "Right. 'I'm not your father.' Those are the first words you ever said to me, remember?"

"I remember everything."

"So do I, Castiel." She looked him over. "My dad…is he still in there?"

"No. The human soul, it can only occupy a body while it retains a certain…structural integrity. And this vessel, it was…it was ripped apart on a subatomic level by an archangel."

Tory groaned and put her head in her hand.

"Well then, how are you…?" Claire began.

"I was reassembled. Your father is in Heaven."

The girl crossed her arms. "Well, yay for him. Anyway, good talk. You can get the hell out of my life now."

"Claire…"

"What? Huh? What? You took everything from me. What do you want now?"

"Nothing. I just-I came here to help you."

"Why?"

Cas looked at a loss for words. Tory squeezed his hand and he said, "Because I've hurt you."

Tory could tell the girl was trying not to cry, so she took that opportunity to say, "Claire, I'm Tory Allard."

The girl's eyes hardened as she looked at her. "Yeah? And why are you here?"

"Victoria and I are together."

Tory wished she could punch him in his angel face for that as Claire shouted, "Of course! Because taking my dad wasn't enough, you've got to find some whore to shack up with! That's fabulous!"

"Claire, Victoria isn't like that and you shouldn't say disparaging remarks about her."

"Why? News flash! You're not my dad! I can say anything I damn well please! And I don't want to see you ever again, Castiel! Get out! Get out now!"

Cas looked crestfallen. "Go outside," Tory ordered softly. "Let me talk to her, okay?"

"Victoria…" he began softly.

She gave him an encouraging smile. "Go. I got this. I was a troubled teen, too, babe."

He looked from Claire to her and back again before he sighed. "I wish you would change your mind," he pled softly before shuffling out of the door, closing it behind him.

The smile slid off Tory's face as it hardened and she turned to the girl. "Alright, I get it, okay? You're pissed at the fucking world. Trust me, I been there."

"Yeah? Your dad get possessed by an angel and your mom die, too?"

Tory leaned back on her heels and crossed her arms. "I got kicked out of my house when I was younger than you. My family couldn't wait to see the back of me. So I left. Had a long, hard road ever since. So don't try to hardball me, girl, I've been there, done that, read the book, bought the tee-shirt, and made the damn movie. So don't go there."

"I hate him. He destroyed my family! Then…then he swore…" Claire cut herself off and shook her head. "I'll go to Hell before I let him take me anywhere."

Tory winced. Just because she hadn't visited the joint, didn't mean she didn't know what a terrible place it was. "I'm pretty sure you don't mean that. Just like I'm pretty damn sure you really do want some family."

"I don't have any family. Not anymore."

"Don't you see we're offering it to you now?"

"Why? So I can watch you and my dad's…body shack up? No thank you."

Tory's jaw clenched. "It's not like that. We have a home base. We've got other kids there your age. We can look after you and give you your space. Cas…he's not here often. You'd be hanging out with me and my crew. Andy, Ryan, they're both bad ass chicks. Hope and Krissy are close to your age. They're both hunters in training."

"Hunters…like those Winchesters Castiel used to hang out with?"

Again, Tory winced. "They're, uh, they're still around. They're part of our little haphazard village, too. Ryan's married to Dean. They've got a couple of kids. Andy is with Sam. They just got married."

"You're kidding me, right? They helped Cas! Why would I…?"

"Because, we're your only shot, kid. Unless you want to spend the rest of your time here before you find yourself in prison for real. This petty shit escalates quickly. I should know. I lived out on the streets for a long ass time before I got my shit together. I don't want that for you."

"Why do you care?"

"Truthfully? I don't." At Claire's shocked look, Tory went on. "Look, kid, you're one of thousands of kids practically out on the streets. I could go pick any one of them up and give them the life I'm offering you. But Cas wants _you_."

"Because he thinks he owes me," Claire snapped back.

"Doesn't he? Doesn't he owe you something? I mean, I love the guy, but he's an angel. They're kind of dicks, you know? And he's learning. He's adapting. He's trying to act _human_, Claire. Give him a half a shot here."

"Why should I?"

Tory shook her head. "You can say no. You can absolutely tell Cas to take his offer and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. But there's a part of you itching for something…I've been there. I've longed for a family that wasn't there. I've somehow managed to find my own family. They'd be glad to take you in, welcome you with open arms."

"Why?"

Tory shrugged and smiled. "Why not? We're all orphans destroyed by the supernatural in one way or the other. We've become a family. You'd be an idiot not to take us up on this."

The girl was quiet for a moment before she said, "Mom died, I went to live with Gran. When Gran died…there was nothing else left for me."

"But he is here."

"He's not my father!" Claire shouted.

"He doesn't want to be." Tory told her. And it was true. Cas wasn't in the frame of mind to be a father. But he could be. One day. Maybe. "But he does want to make amends for how he's wronged you, Claire. Speaking as someone whose family disowned her, if family is wanting to reach out a hand, you accept that hand. You don't bite it off."

"He's not my family!"

"But he's the closest thing you got. We've got a life in Kansas. Other kids your age that have seen and done shit you can't begin to imagine. You'd be accepted there, Claire."

"Why? Why do you care?"

They were talking in circles, but Tory could tell the girl was wearing down. She didn't want to be in this place. Tory knew it. "Because I know what it's like to not have anyone. I know what it's like to be the one on the outside looking in. I found my family. I'd like for you to join it, too."

"It hurts," the girl admitted. "Seeing him and him not being my dad…it hurts."

"Cas is…he's trying, Claire. He knows he's not Jimmy, but that ship sailed. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but there you go. Your mom and dad are gone. But Cas is here. And I'm here. And there's a whole tribe waiting in Kansas to accept you with open arms."

"With those Winchesters," Claire spat.

Tory shrugged. "Yeah, well, they're there, that much is true. But my girls, Andy, Ryan, Krissy, Hope, they will be there for you. A tribe of women who can care for you like you need it. We can be there for you. Don't you want to know someone is in your corner?"

"And Castiel? How often is he there?"

"Truly? Not that often. He's busy with Heaven. He's kind of in charge upstairs. He pops down, yes, but he's not in a place to like, raise you or anything."

"But you would be?"

Tory nodded. She hadn't intended on adopting a daughter, but there were worse things she could do with her life. "Unless I'm off on a hunt, I'll be there with you."

"What if you get hurt? What if you die? I can't…not again…" The girl was close to tears again.

Tory swallowed hard. "I can't promise I won't die, Claire, no more than I can promise you won't get hit by a bus tomorrow. Hunting…it's a dangerous job. But it's a worthy cause and I do it with care." She thought of what Dean had said, how she and Ryan died during a hunt. She'd been gun-shy ever since. She finally had it figured out. She loved Cas, as crazy as that was. She didn't want to die. Not now. "I can't promise I won't die," she repeated, "But I promise to care for you as much as I can."

"You're not my mom."

"Good. I'd be a shitty mom, and that's the God's honest truth. But I'll be a hell of a friend to have in your corner, Claire."

The girl thought a moment more. "You and him are a package deal?"

"'Fraid so, chick."

Claire bit her lip. "I don't want to say yes."

Tory smiled. "But you're gonna anyway."

Claire sighed. "If I don't like it…"

"If you don't like it, I won't force you to stay. You're almost an adult, Claire. I promise to treat you as such."

Clare took in a stuttering breath and held out her hand for Tory to shake. "Okay."

"Awesome."

* * *

**Day Nine (Wednesday)**

**Krissy POV **

As they drove away, Krissy glanced out the rearview mirror at the van, sending up a prayer or a thought or whatever for Ben. She wasn't sure how she felt about him, yet, but she knew it was more than friendship. She side-eyed her best friend. "So…we're really doing this, huh?"

Hope barely restrained her grin. "Is it wrong I'm excited about the hunt?"

Krissy thought a moment. "You can be sad for Ben but be excited for you, Hope. It's a normal human emotion."

Hope pondered that. "Why am I more human than Cas? I'm even more human than my memories the first time around."

Krissy flipped on her signal, waved toward the other cars as the caravan broke apart, then glanced at Hope again. "Well, for one, you're with humans, not gods this time around. For two, somehow, Gabriel managed to like, power you down so you could _be _a normal human."

"And for three?"

Krissy smirked. "You've got me this time around. And I'm pretty damn human."

Hope giggled. "Too true. So do you know where we're going?"

Kris handed her the folder Sam had put together. "Roanoke, Virginia. You ever been there?"

Hope shook her head. "We've been through Virginia traveling, but Mom never settled us there when I was younger."

"Did you do okay with moving? Sam always talks about hating the moving when they were younger."

"Mom didn't move me during the school year," Hope stated. "Well, she did once, during the Leviathan thing. I didn't know why, I just know I was happy we moved from freezing cold Utah to Arizona."

"Arizona sounds awesome," Krissy stated wistfully. Her and her father had traveled a lot, then, with Aiden and Josephine, but they'd never managed to make it to Arizona. She felt the pang as she realized she hadn't thought about her friends in quite a while.

"You okay?" Hope inquired, tilting her head just so like angels sometimes did. Almost like she was trying to see into Krissy's brain.

"Yeah. I'm good. Just…thinking about my friends I hunted with."

"Aiden and Josephine, right?"

Krissy nodded as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Outside of hunting with Tory that time, I haven't been hunting since."

"But you're practicing. We're practicing almost every day. You're sharper than ever."

"I'm nervous," Krissy confided.

"I'm terrified," Hope told her. "But we'll kick it in the ass like Dad and Mom and Uncle Sam have taught us."

"Yeah, and Tory and Andy have also filled us in on stuff…" Tory knew as much, if not more about the lore than Sam did, and Andy knew almost everything there was to know about demons. Krissy wondered if maybe Andy knew even more than Hope. Hope had only seen demons from an angel's perspective. Andy hunted and tortured the monsters. Some of the stories she'd told…well, Krissy knew why Andy and Dean got along so well. Sam didn't quite have the level of brutality they did. Ryan either, for that matter.

"So, we got a while. Wanna man the tunes?" Krissy asked. "No need to do your dad's rule. We like the same music."

Hope grinned. "Sounds like a plan." She picked up the iPod and searched before she exclaimed, "A-ha! Perfect." Soon the opening strains of "Lean On" by Major Laer and DJ Snake came on. That was their song. It was their ring tones for each other on their phones. It wasn't classic rock, but it was catchy, and the lyrics spoke about their lives. It may have been about two lovers, but for them, it was about two friends, no longer innocent, fighting with guns and their womanly wiles to slay the monsters people didn't even know existed. At least, that was their hopes…

_**Do you recall, not long ago**_

_**We would walk on the sidewalk?**_

_**Innocent, remember?**_

_**All we did was care for each other**_

_**But the night was warm**_

_**We were bold and young**_

_**All around the wind blows**_

_**We would only hold on to let go**_

_**Blow a kiss, fire a gun**_

_**We need someone to lean on**_

_**Blow a kiss, fire a gun**_

_**All we need is somebody to lean on**_

They danced in their seats as the music blared and they sped down the road to their destination.

Halfway to Roanoke, their stomachs halted them and they stopped once they got through Greensboro, North Carolina at a Mom and Pop's place. As they sat down, Hope said, "This reminds me of the diner Mom owned in South Dakota." She paused. "Man, that was like, forever ago."

Krissy wondered if Hope missed the simplicity of that life but didn't mention it as they ordered. However, it was nagging at her and she couldn't stop herself as she asked, "Do you miss it?"

"What?"

Krissy shrugged. "I don't know. The simplicity of life then. I mean, we all love Sam and Dean, but they can complicate your life, too.

Hope took her time thinking about it. Kris didn't push. She knew how it was to talk about the past. She and Hope shared a lot of stuff since they'd met the previous fall.

When the food arrived, it seemed to knock Hope out of her reverie and she sighed over her burger and fries. "Maybe? I don't know…" She shook her head and looked at Kris. "I mean, I didn't have you, Dad, Sam, Ben, heck, we didn't have Jon then either. It was...simple, yeah, because I was just a kid, but…" she trailed off with a shrug.

Krissy smiled. "You're still a kid."

Hope shot her a bitch face Sam would have been proud of. "I'm taller than you, shorty."

Krissy chuckled. "Like Dean and Sam. I'm older and shorter. C'est la vie, right?"

Hope nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. So, on a scale of one to ten, how nervous are you?"

Kris shrugged. A hunt is a hunt is a hunt. Even though she was bogged down with memories of Josephine and Aiden, she knew she had a job to do. "It's different for me than it is for you, Hope. I've hunted before. I recently went on a hunt with Tory, I'm good." She looked closely at Hope. "Are you? Seriously. Because if you're not ready…"

Hope didn't answer flippantly. She gave it thought before she nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. I feel it, though, the adrenaline, the thrill of the hunt starting to race through me…"

"Well, you're an angel, and you've been a god, and you're a Winchester. I guess it comes second nature to you."

Hope just looked at her. "Let's hope so, right?"

"You'll do fine. We both will."

"Thanks, Kris. I'm…I'm not nervous, not necessarily, and what I said earlier, terrified isn't the right word, but…"

Krissy held up a hand. "Say no more. I get it." She glanced at the table and realized they'd eaten their whole meal as they chatted. She stood and tossed some money on the table. "Come on. Let's go gank us a shapeshifter."

"Oh! After we kill it, let's go to Busch Gardens!"

Krissy giggled. "Only if your mom says it's okay. I don't want her on my bad side."

Hope shuddered. "Me either. She's scary when she's pissed…"

Hope wasn't wrong on that. Kris had been sitting ring-side as Ryan and Dean had a few blow outs. It was amazing how two people who loved each other so damn much, could almost kill one another. Passion was a funny thing.

* * *

Six and a half hours after they left Myrtle Beach, they passed the Roanoke City Limits sign. Krissy glanced at her shotgun rider. Hope had a fake I.D. but since she hadn't officially had driving lessons from Dean, there was no way Kris was going to let Hope drive. Not yet, anyway. When they got back, Hope really needed to have Dean teach her the ropes behind the wheel. She smirked. That would be interesting to watch. Especially if they used the Impala. She snorted to herself and asked, "What's Sam's research say? Where do we need to head?"

Hope gave her directions and they made their way to the first crime scene. As the slid from the jeep, Kris asked, "You gonna be okay with seeing a crime scene?"

Hope's eyes flashed blue. "Angel, remember? I've seen shit that will turn your hair white!"

Kris rolled her eyes. "No need to quote 'Ghostbusters' to me, I was just asking."

"I'm good. Really. You good?"

Krissy nodded. She wouldn't admit the first time she went on a hunt after she came to live with the Winchesters, she almost freaked. Tory had calmed her down, talked to her, helped her relax back into hunting. She wasn't sure Tory had told Ryan about it or not. Either way, Krissy had bonded with the older woman that first trip.

Kris slid her knife through the police seal on the door and they slid into the house. As they examined the room and the various blood splatters, Kris stated, "You know they're never gonna let us into the morgue to view the body."

Hope shrugged. "I dunno…I bet we can flirt our way in."

"And if that doesn't work?"

Hope grinned. "Well, a little B &amp; E never bothered me anyway."

Krissy chortled but her smile turned grim as she took in the family portrait over the fireplace. "Were the kids home?"

Hope looked over the file in her hand. "No, said they were both at sleepovers. Husband was out of town. Wife was looking forward to a night in with wine and Magic Mike." Hope's nose wrinkled. "That was a god-awful movie, wasn't it?"

Krissy shot her a look. "I'm fairly certain women don't watch it for the plot, Hope."

"Yeah, I know, I just…I mean, I like looking at guys, but that much naked…"

"Your mom would kill me if she knew we watched it."

Hope rolled her eyes. "Please. Let's work this scene, okay? I'm grown enough, ya know?"

Krissy held judgement on that. She knew Hope was an angel, had lived a long ass life the first time around, and her memories were coming back to her, full force, along with some of that angel mojo. But the fact remained, she was still a teenager, not even that, really. Sometimes Hope still acted like the kid she was.

After they finished looking over the crime scene, it was too late to do much else other than get their room. Using Krissy's fake I.D. that showed her to be twenty-five, they settled into a room at a motel off the beaten path.

As they both settled into bed, Hope turned to look at her. "Okay. I've given you time, I've given you space, now give it up."

Krissy's eyebrow rose. "Give what up?"

"You and Ben. What's the sitch?"

"'Sitch'? We're reverting back to our 'Kim Possible' days are we?" Hope had admitted the show had been one of her guilty pleasures from before. Kris had realized then how right Gabriel was to put Hope with Dean. They were quite similar.

Hope glared at her.

Kris sighed. She should have known Hope wouldn't be able to let this thing go. And it was good, she supposed, to go ahead and put her feelings out on the table, if only to her best friend. "I don't know. I mean, this whole thing with his mom, he's gonna be living with us for crying out loud!" She shook her head. "I dunno. Maybe it's just…it's just not the right time. We both need to just, maybe grow up some or something I guess."

Hope nodded. "I get it."

"What about you? Any luck with your mystery man?" Hope had been having dreams. She knew it was from the previous timeline because she was in the body she was in now. Piercing blue eyes tended to haunt the younger girl's thoughts.

Hope shook her head. "No. Nothing. It's…it's almost as if my memory has been tampered with. As an angel, when I finally get all my juice back, I should remember the alternate timeline. Even now, I see things, remember things that didn't happen. That's not out of the ordinary. Our brains work on a different wave length from humans, you know? But this…" She sighed and flopped back onto her pillow. "It's so annoying!"

Krissy smiled. "Maybe you've got a great love coming your way, Hope. Maybe you're gonna get like, a serious love story."

Hope let out a snort. "Please. I'm here until I'm upstairs. I enjoy every minute I got, but still, I know I won't have that."

Krissy shrugged as she lay back also. "Who knows? You could be wrong you know."

"Fat chance. I'm always right. Don't you know that?"

"Hello? Dean? Is that you coming out of your daughter?"

"Ha-freaking-ha, Kris."

They were both silent a moment before Hope questioned softly, "You really think there's someone out there, just, like, waiting for me?"

"Why not? Look at Castiel. He's got a human. You could have one, too."

"And then leave him behind."

"Better than to never experience it. Isn't that what you want? The human experience?"

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts. It'll happen. Then we can both one day be in love."

"Do you want that, K? Love?"

Krissy let out a sigh. She wasn't sure what she wanted. She just hoped she lived long enough to figure it out. Tempting fate as a hunter was a dangerous thing. She could wind up dead the next day. Time would only tell.

* * *

_Ryan had Ben down on his knees before her, but it wasn't Ryan. It was the devil peeking out through Ryan's usually soft brown eyes. _

I have to save him, _Krissy thought over and over. _My lover, the father to my children. This can't be the end. We've survived too much…

"_Hmmm," Ryan-Lucifer stated to Hope, who looked powerless, and wasn't she, really? How could they fight the devil himself? "Let's see...based on your song, the spell should go something like this, correct? Let his flesh not be torn. Let his blood leave no stain. Though they beat him, let him feel no pain. Let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him, let him never die..." _

_Tears were streaming down her face and she noticed they were streaming down Hope's face as well. "Lucifer, please..." Hope began. _

"_I'll make you a deal, Hope. You screw a demon, so you know how deals work, right? Choose."_

_She blinked. "What?"_

_His hand moved and Kris felt herself being pinned to the wall. That's when she knew, they would never get out of this alive. Her eyes caught Ben's. _I love you, baby. I love you so much. You're the best thing that ever happened me. Our kids are the best gift I've ever received…_She repeated the mantra, hoping against hope he could understand her, could see what she was trying to say. He seemed to be saying the same things back to her. _

"_Choose," Lucifer stated coldly. "I'll let one of them live. They have children, correct? I dare not make the little ones suffer through living without both parents. So, choose."_

"_Hope, you'd better choose Krissy!" Ben managed to shout before he winced in pain_.

No, you self-sacrificing…Winchester! _she cried internally. But aloud, Krissy screamed, "No!"_

"_Silence," Lucifer commanded and she felt the ability to speak leave her. Her eyes narrowed at this creature wearing Ryan and she felt nothing but hate. He had taken something wonderful from them and she knew they'd never get her back. _

_He looked at Hope. "Well?"_

_Hope's eyes shot to Ben's and just like that, Krissy knew Hope would deny her brother nothing. Hope wouldn't live anyway. They were all dead. The best thing her angel best friend could do would be to distract Lucifer long enough to engage him in battle. If she could fight and hold him off... "I'm sorry," she breathed and Krissy felt her heart clench. This was it, this was the end… _

_Ben gave his sister a small nod. "Thank you," he mouthed before Lucifer snapped his neck. _

Krissy bolted upright out of her nightmare, clenching her chest, gasping for breath as tears streamed down her face.

The light next to her flipped on and Hope looked at her. "You okay?"

Krissy shook her head 'no' and jumped up, running at full speed for the bathroom where she vomited up the remnants of last night's supper. When she had emptied her stomach contents, she sat back on her heels and put a shaking hand to her forehead.

"Kris? You okay?"

"Nightmare," she managed. She felt a cool, wet washcloth being placed on her forehead and her strength flagged as she collapsed into sobs. It felt so real. Everything about it…

"Kris?" She felt Hope sit next to her on the cold tile floor and her best friend's arm slip around her as she tried to regain her composure as sobs wracked her body.

When she finally felt a modicum of control again, she sucked in a breath and heaved herself to her feet where she swayed and Hope grabbed her around her waist once more. "I'm okay," she assured her friend. Hope helped her back to her bed and she all but fell back onto it.

Hope gave her a moment to recover before she asked, "What was it? What did you see?"

They had been in the lake house, the one Andy and Tory were staying in. "I know why we hate the lake house now," she commented dryly.

Hope blinked. "What? Why?"

"Ben died there. Me too, for that matter." She hadn't seen her death, but she knew she would have been next. Everything she'd ever heard about Lucifer led her to believe she would have been killed before he let her live to raise her children. Kids. She had kids with Ben. Ben…he was the love of her life. Her soulmate. She felt it, in that instant. It was true.

"K?"

"I'm fine. Just let me shake it off." They sat there in silence. A glance at the clock showed 3:45 on the red dials. It was still the middle of the night. "Sorry," Krissy managed. She was shivering now as she tried to recover.

"Don't worry about it. I wasn't sleeping well, anyway."

"Dreams, too, huh?"

Hope shrugged and Krissy knew she didn't want to talk about her dreams, either. "I'm better now," Krissy stated as she slid back down under the covers. Hope did the same and they lay there in silence a few moments more. Hope reached for the light and Krissy said, "I think we could leave that on, don't you?" She didn't want to wimp out, but at that moment, with the thoughts looming in her head, she just couldn't face the dark.

Hope didn't even hesitate. "Sounds like a plan to me. You know I'm not a huge fan of the dark." It wasn't exactly true. When she was younger, Hope hadn't liked the dark, but it didn't bother her so much anymore, however, Krissy didn't say another word on the subject.

Silence reigned a bit longer before Krissy asked, "He's locked up, isn't he?"

"Who?"

"Lucifer," she whispered as if his name alone would conjure him.

Hope blinked. "What did you _see_, Kris?"

Instead of answering, Krissy followed her first question with, "Are we sure Ryan doesn't have any demon blood left in her?"

They stared at one another a moment before Hope paled. "He…she…it…" She blinked rapidly a few times before Hope gasped out a breath. She shook her head. "Gabriel fixed it."

"You swear?"

Hope nodded. "I trust him implicitly, Krissy. He says he fixed it, he fixed it."

"Okay then. That's enough for me." And it was. Krissy hadn't met the angel first-hand, but she knew Hope was enough like Dean to be distrustful of people that weren't in their inner circle. If Hope trusted this angel that Bobby would become, then it was as good as a guarantee to Krissy.

A few minutes passed before Hope said, "I'm never going to go back to sleep."

"Want me to make a coffee run? We can jump on the research."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

* * *

"This is awesome!" Hope cried out gleefully the next night as they chased the shifter wearing a face that looked like hers down a back alley.

"For you!" Krissy growled. "You sure you won't die if I stab you with a silver blade by accident?"

"Try to make sure not to tackle me by accident!" Hope laughed as they ran.

Hope's legs were longer so she reached the shifter a moment before Krissy. It was next to impossible to tell them apart in the darkened strip of road as they tussled on the ground. She was about to jump into the fray when she felt something tackle her from behind. They had wondered if there were two shifters…the evidence had supported the theory. Looked like they were right. Krissy smiled as she grasped her silver knife and sliced at the creature.

It let out a shriek, but didn't relinquish its grip as its face morphed into hers. She let out a shout and loosed her grip. "What kind of shifter _are _you?"

"The kind you don't want to mess with, little hunter girl," her voice replied back to her.

They started fighting hand-to-hand. Krissy was the better fighter, but this thing was strong and she got battered around quite a bit. She didn't get to chance a glance at Hope, but she assumed since Hope wasn't over there helping her, she had her hands full as well. Finally the thing got close enough to her, Krissy wrapped her arm around her doppelgänger's arm, wrenching it, pulled the creature close, and stabbed it through the heart.

"Ha!" Kris shouted as it fell to the ground. She glanced at Hope to see she, too, had dispatched of her monster. They grinned at one another when Krissy noticed a nagging pain in her side. She looked down and saw the hilt of a knife sticking into her side. She blinked and then the pain lanced her. She fell to one knee and gasped only moments before she heard Hope scream. She blinked once, twice, three times, almost lazily as she saw Hope run in slow motion toward her. She didn't even get a chance to respond as blackness engulfed her.

* * *

She regained consciousness slumped over in the passenger seat of her jeep. She felt it hit a pothole and she grunted.

"Oh, thank God you're alright!" Hope exclaimed.

Krissy shook her head to clear the cobwebs and looked around dumbly. "We're in the jeep."

"Yeah."

"You're driving."

"Somebody had to."

Krissy pondered that a moment until she was fully alert. "You're DRIVING MY JEEP!"

Hope winced. "I didn't have a choice! After I healed you, you were still unconscious. We had to book it out of there. Sue me."

"Pull over."

"You okay enough to drive?"

"Better than you! You don't have a driver's license!"

"I know the practical application of…"

"Can it, Angel-face and let me drive!"

Hope let out something akin to a growl and pulled into a darkened parking lot. She turned to Krissy. "I can handle this, you know."

It was then Krissy noticed the almost black circles under Hope's eyes and the way her movements were a bit slow. "Hope?"

"I'm fine," Hope stated tiredly. "It took a lot of juice to heal you and myself."

"You need rest. You healed me?"

"Angel wings for the win," Hope managed, though her words were starting to slur.

"Great. At least I stopped you before you crashed and killed us both!"

"'M'fine!" Hope exclaimed, but Krissy could see, she was going down, fast.

"Okay, let's switch, then we both need some rest, okay?"

"Okay," was the simple response.

When they had switched seats, Krissy looked over at Hope. She must have used a lot of energy to save Krissy's life. She felt fine now. She had a slight ache on her side, and a feel of the skin there showed a puckered scar in place where the knife had been. They had been lucky. "You shouldn't have healed me and wasted your mojo," Kris chided.

"Yes, Mom," Hope answered though her eyes were closed and she was propped up against the window.

"Smart ass," Krissy replied. "Thank you."

Hope opened her eyes lazily and smiled. "Hey, what are friends for?"

"We did it. Pretty successfully, if I do say so myself."

Hope nodded. "We rock this thing, Kris."

Krissy smiled. They did it. They actually did it. "So…Busch Gardens?"

"Tomorrow. Sleep now. Play tomorrow."

That sounded like a plan to Krissy.

* * *

A few days later found them pulling up back at home. "That was awesome!" Hope exclaimed.

"The hunt or the theme park?"

"Both," came the reply. "I almost hate to go in."

Krissy couldn't argue about that. At home, they were kids. Not that she minded being a kid, but there was definitely some boredom issues and the responsibilities of being a kid weren't always the most fun. Though, she knew they paled in comparison to being an adult. "So…we're not reporting my stabbing or your healing, right?"

"Right. No use worrying them."

"We still need to work on timing and being attacked by multiple monsters," Krissy reminded her.

Hope nodded. "We will. But now…" she glanced up at the house. "I'm glad to be home."

"Me too, Hope. Me too."

* * *

**Day Nine (Wednesday)**

**Andy POV**

She glanced at the two boys in the backseat. "I think we're in over our heads here."

Sam looked at them in the rearview mirror. "Two little monsters? I say we handle them better than their parents."

She gave the backseat another peek. "You're either incredibly optimistic or incredibly stupid."

"I've been accused of both," he told her with a smile.

She couldn't help smiling in return. She wasn't sure how it had happened, this whole relationship thing, but she was loving every minute of it. Well, every minute except the ones where he was going on about wanting kids of their own. Not that she didn't want kids, that wasn't it. She definitely wanted kids. But she was young, still, and so was he. They had time. Lots of time. Being a hunter, specializing in demons, she'd seen a time or two her life may have ended, but that was part of the fun, the thrill of it all. She toed the line occasionally, but she was smart. She was safe. And she wanted to hunt with him. She wanted to be his partner in everything, not a brood mare he stabled to keep her from getting hurt. She was a worker, a fighter. She didn't need pedestals and the sooner he realized that, the better off they'd both be.

But hunting was on the back burner for now until Ryan and Dean got back. They had a more important job now and Andy willingly took it on. These kids needed her here, now, so, that's what she was planning on doing, being there for them.

She turned toward the windshield in time to see Ryan and Dean getting into Tory's van. "Think Ben will be okay?"

Sam nodded as he put the Expedition in drive. "Yeah, I think he will be. He's a Winchester. We're used to losing people."

She felt her heart clench and her hand went to his to give it a squeeze. "It's still new for him. Lisa's all he's ever known."

"We're going to be there for him."

She nodded. "Yes. We will be."

The drive was quiet for a while as Bobby played a game on his tablet and Jon, lulled by the moving vehicle, went to sleep.

Andy had almost dozed off, too, when a soft voice from the back said, "Aunt Andy?"

She glanced back at Bobby. "Yeah, bub?"

"I's pwomise I be good for you and Unca Sam."

She winked at him. "I believe you. Me and you? We got an understanding, right?"

The boy nodded. She'd talked to him before they got in the car, asking him to please behave so the trip would be easier on all of them. They were going to take their time getting home. She was also planning on them stopping somewhere a bit nicer, maybe with an indoor pool along the way so the little guy could have fun. It was a long ass trip, no matter how old you were.

She turned back around when he said, "I 'member going hunting wif Daddy."

Andy's eyes shot to Sam's and he glanced in the mirror at the boy again. "From the other timeline, Bob?"

The boy nodded. "Me an' Jon would fight over the shotgun seat. We hunted bunches of monsters!" He paused. "Daddy was a monster, too, but not to me or Jon. He's a good daddy."

This was the most Andy had heard the boy talk at one time and she knew he was tapping into Gabriel's memories. Ryan had told her when he did that, his voice patterns changed, he sounded older…it was weird, and fascinating. "What else, Gabe?" Andy asked him.

"I remember a pretty girl. Eve. She's my girlfriend."

Andy smiled. "Is that so?"

"Yep. I get to meet her in Purgatory soon. Sam and Mom took me my first time."

"They did?"

The boy nodded and his eyes clouded. "It's the first time the monster came out in Mama."

Andy felt her heart drop. "Well, we won't let the monster come out now. She's fine, baby. You know that. She's been purified."

"I don't want Mama to be a monster again. Daddy was, but he wasn't. But when she was…it was scary."

"Don't worry, Bobby," Sam stated. "We won't let her become a monster again. We know better now. We've got memories of that time to make sure it doesn't happen."

Just like that, the boy seemed to snap out of it. "Otay. Can I have a snack? My tummy's wumbwy."

Andy exchanged another glance with her husband, but put on a smile. "A rumbly tumbly? Whatever will we do?"

"I needs a snack!" Bobby stated with a giggle.

Andy smiled and reached into the bag on the floor, pulling out a bag of cheese crackers. "Think this will do the trick?"

"Yeah! Fanks, Aunt Andy! You's the best!"

* * *

Gabriel didn't make a reappearance that day, or the next, or even the following day as they traveled home to Kansas. Bobby enjoyed going to the nicer hotels, staying where they had an indoor pool. Andy wasn't wealthy, not really, but she had a nice padding to her savings account due to the fact she was thrifty and she saved as much of her parent's insurance money as she could. They had been upper middle class, but had lived above their means. That hadn't left much for Andy by the time she paid off all the bills, but it had been more than most hunters had.

As they pulled up to Dean and Ryan's house, Sam commented, "We'll need to look for a house."

Her eyebrow rose as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "Why? The lake house is good enough."

"I'd like one similar to this, a fixer-upper, you know? Somewhere the kids can stretch out, have rooms of their own…Dean and I didn't have that."

She understood, but her mind stuck on one word. "Kids?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Not right now, obviously, but, you know, soon."

She blinked. "How many?"

He shrugged. "Not a ton of them, just like, two? Three? Whatever. We can make one, then decide how many we want from there."

It was as if her ovaries shriveled at the thought and she had to stave off a shiver. She wasn't dead set against kids, she had to keep reminding herself of that, but he kept talking like it was going to happen in the next month or two. She didn't sign on for that. They had at least a few years of hunting before she started spitting out rugrats, didn't they?

Instead of touching that topic, she said, "Let's just focus on these kids first. Sound good?"

He nodded and got out, going for Jon's carseat. He smiled at the baby and said, "That works for me."

She blew out a breath and moved to the back of the vehicle to start unloading their gear. Sam came back out after putting on the TV for Bobby and putting Jon in his bouncer. They worked quickly to get everything in. She then glanced at the living room. "Where are we going to sleep? Can we hear the boys if they need us in your room?"

Sam thought a moment then went upstairs for the baby monitor. "Now we can stay in my room."

She nodded. "Good. I didn't want to sleep in Dean and Ryan's bed."

Sam's nose wrinkled. "No, definitely not."

* * *

They settled in easily enough. Bobby, true to his word, behaved for the most part. He tried them, tried their patience, but then, he was also four years old. That was par for the course. Andy found herself enjoying the kids more and more. She was comfortable with them, comfortable with herself with them. She was good with kids. She knew that. It was her own she wasn't so sure about. Between her issues and Sam's, could they really be good parents? That thought haunted her. But then she saw Sam wrestling on the floor with Bobby, or giving Jon a bath and she knew without a doubt, when the time came, they'd be ready.

Charlie, who had taken to driving Dorothy's motorcycle, came over, and the three of them researched cases as well as redistributed them. It was nice working in tandem with the computer whiz and Andy found herself liking the woman, though, her intelligence intimidated her slightly. Luckily, Charlie was as down to earth as they came.

Sam had heard from Dean. He and Ben would be home the next day. So would Ryan. So would the girls. It was as if everyone decided to converge on the house as one. On that last night, Sam was helping Charlie with some lore at the bunker, so Andy got the kids bathed and ready for bed. She decided Bobby could stay up and watch "Despicable Me 2" again because the kid loved the minions while she got Jon down for bed.

For some reason, he was fussy. Andy suspected he was cutting another tooth. He was already starting to eat some solid foods and he had decided he wasn't interested in a bottle, only a sippy cup if he couldn't have Ryan's boob, so she was just trying to shush him and get him to calm down a bit. She was about to call Sam to come help when she remembered Ryan saying how usually some form of rock song would help with Bobby. Why not, right? So she started singing softly one of the songs she knew calmed Ryan down. She had been there when Ryan had a panic attack once before, in Phoenix. Ryan had instructed her to put Queen on and it had worked like a charm.

_**Is this the real life?**_

_**Is this just fantasy?**_

_**Caught in a landslide**_

_**No escape from reality**_

_**Open your eyes**_

_**Look up to the skies and see**_

_**I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy**_

_**Because I'm easy come, easy go**_

_**A little high, little low**_

_**Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me**_

The baby looked at her almost in shock and she chuckled. "I can sing. Not well, but I can sing."

To her surprise, he popped his thumb in his mouth and laid his head on her shoulder as she continued.

_**Mama, just killed a man**_

_**Put a gun against his head**_

_**Pulled my trigger, now he's dead**_

_**Mama, life had just begun**_

_**But now I've gone and thrown it all away**_

_**Mama, ooo**_

_**Didn't mean to make you cry**_

_**If I'm not back again this time tomorrow**_

_**Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters**_

She was moving around the room slowly, swaying him softly and she felt him relaxing.

_**Too late, my time has come**_

_**Sends shivers down my spine**_

_**Body's aching all the time**_

_**Goodbye everybody I've got to go**_

_**Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth**_

_**Mama, ooo **_

_**I don't want to die**_

_**I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all**_

Well crap. Now they were to the faster part. What should she do? She looked at the baby who had glanced up, wondering, no doubt, why she stopped singing. "Aw hell, Jon," she muttered as she began to rock out on the song, singing and dancing loudly, making him giggle uncontrollably.

By the time she finished the song, complete with waltzing him around the room, dipping him, Jon was a giggling mess in her arms and she was smiling a little goofily, herself.

"I don't think Freddie Mercury intended that to be a lullaby."

Andy turned with a start to find Sam leaning on the doorjamb, arms folded, smiling and enjoying the show.

Without missing a beat, she continued dancing and remarked, "Obviously you haven't paid attention to the words. It's right up these kids' alley."

"That's what Daddy says, too!" Bobby stated as he popped around from behind Sam. "My turn, my turn, Aunt Mommy!"

She blinked as she handed Jon to Sam and picked up Bobby. "Aunt Mommy?"

The boy just grinned.

* * *

Later that night, in bed, Sam turned to her. They'd both been reading. She was interested in the lore of fairies since Dean had regaled her with the story of meeting (and microwaving) one. Sam was on his laptop. She enjoyed the fact they could sometimes be in bed and not have sex…not saying their sex life wasn't phenomenal, because it was. And then some. But this was nice, peaceful. Quiet. She reveled in it. "I think I found us a house."

She blinked. She had thought they'd benched that idea. Hadn't they? Maybe not. She sighed inwardly but put on a smile. "That's great, babe. Tell me about it?"

He went into detail. It was only a few blocks away. It was a fixer/upper like this one, but she could admit, if only to herself, she fell in love once he showed her the pictures on the internet. And somewhere, deep inside her, she felt a shift. It was small, but she could definitely see raising a family with him there. Eventually.

He was looking at her expectantly. "Well?"

Her smile was genuine as she said, "I love it. Really. It's perfect."

"You're perfect," he countered.

She shook her head with a flat chuckle. "No. Definitely not."

He turned, put the laptop on the bedside table, snagged the book from her hand, threw it on the floor, and pulled her flat of her back. He hovered over her, just looking at her a moment before his huge hand cupped her cheek. "You're perfect for me," he amended.

She smiled up at him as she grasped his face and pulled it town to hers for a kiss. "I love you, Sam. I never, in a million years, thought I could be this happy."

"Me either," he breathed as he kissed her again. He kissed her lazily, tongue stroking hers, as his body began to move against hers, though he was still in his boxer briefs. Her hands wove in his hair, tugging slightly like she knew he liked and he let out a whimper as his hips began to move harder, rutting against her. Her hands left his hair to explore his shoulders, his back, and then the waistband of his briefs. She pushed them down off his ass and used her feet to pull them the rest of the way off. He moved just so to help her, and soon she felt him against her thigh, hot and hard and ready for her.

She hooked her legs around his waist and flipped them so she was on top. He looked up at her like she hung the moon and stars and she was once again astounded as to how someone could love her so much. She almost wanted to question it, to worry that their love would burn hot, fast, and then fizzle out, but she couldn't do that. She couldn't second guess it. Not now. Not ever. She wasn't an impulsive person by nature, not with her heart, but she had trusted him from the second they made love that first time. From the night of Ryan and Dean's wedding, she had known, finally, that Sam felt the same way for her. It was frightening, but it was also inspirational.

His hands moved to her waist and then tugged her shirt over her head. "Beautiful," he breathed as he pulled her down to him. She felt a shiver as their chests touched and his hands moved to pull her panties down.

When finally they were skin-to-skin, she parted her legs and felt him _right there _but he turned them again. She whined in need, causing him to chuckle as he began worshiping her body; licking, nipping, sucking every inch of her chest and breasts, her neck, down to her stomach, leaving her in a quivering puddle of want before finally, he slipped inside.

She arched her back and tried to stop the wave of pleasure, but it did no good. How he could play her body so effectively constantly floored her. He touched all the right places, helping her get the most out of her orgasm before he pulled away and turned her onto her back. She didn't question him, just did as he wished. He always looked after her, no matter what.

She started to go up on her knees but he wouldn't let her. Instead, he let her lay on her stomach and she heard sounds that confused her before she felt a warm, wet sensation on her back. Then she moaned anew as he began massaging her back and shoulders. His hands were so strong, they almost hurt, but it felt amazing.

When he had her completely boneless, he covered her body with his and peppered her ear and neck with kisses before he parted her legs. She moved just slightly so she was barely on her knees and he slid home again.

"Fuck," she cried out as she clenched the headboard, her nails all but digging into the wood as he began a more rapid pace, fucking her into the mattress and she cried out as she was driven over the edge once, twice, three times, before finally, he seemed to be near his own end because he flipped her again, this time, to her side as he took her up, up, up, and with a curse under his breath, they both fell.

He turned them one last time so she was lying on his stomach. She felt him softening inside her and she smiled as she laid her head on his chest. "That was amazing."

His hands roamed her hair now and she had to resist purring like a kitten as he stroked her and murmured, "You're amazing."

She kissed his chest, biting his nipple slightly, causing him to jump, and she replied, "So are you."

* * *

The next day, Hope and Kris were the first ones to arrive. Andy had been keeping tabs on the girls through text, but she could admit, if only to herself, she breathed out a sigh of relief at seeing both of them whole. They regaled them with the story of the hunt, but Andy knew in the way they paused, they left something out of it. She eyed them both warily, but didn't comment. It wasn't her place. Let them have their secrets. As long as they made it back in one piece, it was good enough for her. Besides, she'd yet to have a simple case, so she could understand their need to make it sound as good as they could.

They had just finished their tale when a strange car drove up. "Wonder who that could be?" Andy wondered as Sam pulled his gun from its holster. Her eyebrow shot up. "Really, Sam?"

He shot her a look. "We're sitting on two angels and a demon here, babe."

She picked up the baby. "And if any supernatural being wanted to come after them, don't you think they'd just pop in instead of drive up in the driveway?"

Hope's eyes grew wide and she smiled. "It's not something to worry over, Sam. It's Cas!"

Sam stowed his gun and they walked to the door as Cas got out of the passenger seat. "I fail to see why I couldn't drive, Victoria."

"Because, 1) you drive like an old man, and B) I wanted to get here before I'm as old as Methuselah."

"He wasn't quite as old as the Bible made him out to be, in fact…" he stopped when Tory held up a hand. "Not interested. Love ya, but not interested in your story of the oldest living man to go to Heaven."

Just then, the back door to the car opened and a girl stepped out. "I don't know why you two don't go ahead and get married. You bicker like a couple of old farts."

Tory turned to the girl. "I have you know this is how I bicker with everyone. So get used to it." The two exchanged a smile and Andy realized who the girl was.

"I take it we found Claire," she said as she made her way down the walk with Jon on her hip.

The girl didn't smile, but it looked as if she were trying to maintain a badass attitude. Andy could like this girl if given half a chance, she'd be willing to bet money on it. "Well, come on in. I'm Andy. No, this monster isn't mine. His mom and dad will be home later this afternoon."

"Dean and Ryan are both returning today?" Cas asked.

Sam nodded. "The girls just got back from their hunt, too."

Tory's eyes lit up. "Awesome! What was it?"

"Two shifters!" Hope exclaimed.

Tory rubbed her hands together. "Oh boy. Tell me all about it!"

Andy handed the baby to Sam and walked over to Claire. "We're glad to have you. As you can see, we've got a rag-tag group of people here. Kris is around your age. Hope acts like it. Ben is coming in, he's your age, too. Don't worry, you'll find a home here."

"I don't want a home. I'm just here until I can leave," the girl stated petulantly.

Andy smiled. "Yeah, I thought the same thing. Funnily enough, you make a home here, with these people. Even Cas."

"Yeah, well, I don't know how. They don't even have a house. Nowhere to live. What are we gonna do about that, huh?"

Andy may not have been compulsive with her heart, but when a plan formulated, she stuck with it. And one struck. "Of course you do. Tory and you, and when he's here, Cas, will live at the lake house. Sam and I are buying one."

"You are?" Cas inquired.

"We are?" Sam questioned.

Andy nodded. "Just got to call the bank and the real estate agent. It's all good."

Sam caught her eye and gave her a huge smile.

* * *

It was when Dean, Ryan, and Ben arrived that the shit hit the fan. They had all begun to walk outside to greet the newcomers when Krissy came tearing ass back into the house, almost bowling Andy over. She gave one look outside, caught Ryan's eye, and nodded. Whatever it was, she would get to the bottom of it.

She dashed up the stairs to Krissy and Hope's room. "K?"

"Leave me alone!"

Andy blinked, momentarily phased. Krissy was usually the even tempered one. "What's up?"

"Nothing! Nothing's up! I'm just sick to fucking tired of Winchesters and their stupid selves and their stupid fucking libidos!"

That one gave Andy pause for about a half a moment before Andy blew out a breath. "Damn, girl, he's been here three seconds. Ben already got you up in arms? What the hell?"

The girl shot daggers in her direction as she sat up and all but shouted, "He fucked some girl!"

Andy quickly crossed to her and wrapped her in a hug as the girl sobbed. "How do you know, Kris? I mean, could you smell perfume or something? Those Winchester boys are kind of loveable. Maybe he hugged someone or something?"

"Ryan told it!" Krissy sobbed. "I heard her!" She gasped out a breath. "And it wasn't even just some random girl! It was Ann! Jody's daughter! I thought she and I were friends!" The sobs started anew.

Andy rocked her back and forth for a few moments when she heard the door open and Ryan walked in. "Kris? I'm so sorry, sugar. I didn't want you to find out that way…"

The girl glared at Ryan. "So, you know. What? Did he broadcast it to the lower 48?"

Ryan shook her head. "Dean caught them in the act. It…it didn't mean anything…"

"Bullshit," Krissy growled.

"Look," Andy started, "Just because you know the two of you are meant to be together? That doesn't mean he does. It also doesn't mean he's ready to settle down and start a damn family."

Krissy's mouth fell open. "What do you…? How did you…?"

Andy shot her a look. "Please. I may be slow, but I'm not stupid. The writing is on the damn wall here, okay? You and him? You're meant. It is what it is."

"Tell him that," Kris grumbled.

"He's a Winchester, sugar," Ryan stated as she sat on the other side of Krissy. "He's not the brightest bulb in the box, you feel me?"

Krissy sniffed and rubbed her nose on her sleeve. "Yeah. I guess…"

"Besides," Andy added, "He's not ready." Two heads shot up to look at her and she shrugged. "Look at Dean. He wasn't ready for a long ass time. You two are teenagers. Go on, go out there and find some guy to fill your time. You two will end up together, but for now, just enjoy being a teenager. Damn. If I could go back and relive my teen years…"

"Andy is right. If I would have had a chance to live a normal life? I'd want to live it up. Dates, boys, having fun…the whole gambit. You're going to be a senior this year. A high school senior. Act like it. Have fun with the opposite sex. When Ben is ready, he'll let you know."

"But what if it's not now? What if we die on a case? What if…?"

"What if you push him into this and it pushes him away?" Ryan asked softly. At Krissy's alarmed look, Ryan shrugged. "Dean wasn't ready, like Andy said. And if I had pushed him when Hope was a baby, or when he met up with us in South Dakota and he had The Mark? There's no telling what would have happened. We needed it to be the right time. And you're just going to have to have faith that it will happen when it's supposed to."

"What if it doesn't? What if, in this timeline, it doesn't?"

"Then you'll live," Andy told her. "You're far from the first girl to get bent over a guy. Trust me. There's a whole lot of fish in the sea. And they're good for what you need them for."

"Andy!"

"What? It's true! Ben got his itch scratched. Good for him. Maybe Kris needs to do the same."

"Can we please not?" Kris pled. "My non-existent sex life is off the books, ladies."

"Well, still. Keep that in mind. Let some high-schooler rock your world. Or not. Either way, don't morn what you don't have yet. You'll get it. Put it out of your head until you both are ready. Trust me, one day, you will be."

"And until then, I just have to see him parading it around with-with whatever will let him?"

"Honestly? Yes."

"This blows," Krissy stated as she looked down at the hands she was currently wringing.

Andy grabbed one and Ryan grabbed the other. "Look, it isn't easy. Loving that boy will be the hardest thing you've ever done. But for now, enjoy being young and unattached."

"I'm scared," Krissy admitted.

"Why?" Andy wanted to know.

"Boys don't look at me like that." Ryan snorted, causing the girl to look up at her. "What?"

"Clearly you aren't looking when you're at work or at school. Because I see it. They look. And this year? I'd bet you dollars to doughnuts, they'll ask."

"And, hell, if they don't ask? Ask them," Andy advised. "Pick one of the cute, shy boys. Or a nerd. Rock his damn world. Trust me, it'll get back to everyone."

"We don't want her being a slut," Ryan reminded her.

"No, definitely not. But if boys see you with someone, it makes them automatically want you. It's some weird chemistry thing I don't understand. Sam can explain it."

"Uh, no. Thanks, you two. I…I feel better. Still pissed at him…"

"Good. Be pissed. That's fine. But then get over it and move on. Act cool about it and become Ben's friend. Because he just lost his mom. He can use all the friends he can get."

"And, besides," Andy went on, "If we just happen to pair you two sparring, and you kick his ass a time or two…we won't mind."

Krissy just laughed.


	49. Sail

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or its characters. But if I owned Dean...well, he'd be chained up in my basement. hehehe

Author's note: So sorry, you guys! I had this finished Friday and the website was being a pain. Hope this chapter makes up for my lack of writing lately. Real life is being a pain in my ass and between all the responsibilities I have with Girl Scouts (frightening I'm allowed to lead a troop of innocent girls) I haven't had spare time to write. Luckily I'm halfway through writing the next chapter, so here is hoping things will go faster now!

* * *

**Dean POV**

July 30, 2015

Dean blew out a breath. Life was settling down. Finally. Everyone was settling into their lives, Sam and Andy were living with them because the paperwork was going through on their new place, which had it's…issues, but could have been worse. Ben was looking for a part time job in order to pay for parts for Cherry, Kris was back at work at the diner, Cas, Tory, and Claire were settling into the lake house…yeah, life was calm. So it was no surprise that life would fuck with him again.

He was in the bedroom slipping on some sleep pants. Ryan was downstairs waiting with a beer and popcorn and a movie queued up on Netflix. The littlest monsters were in bed. Kris was working the late shift at the diner. Ben was neck deep in some video game in his room. Sam and Andy were out on a date, and Hope, who hadn't been feeling well, was in bed.

Suddenly, he heard a scream. He could decipher not only each of his girl's screams, but what they meant. This was Hope. And it was one of horror.

He snatched up his pistol from the speedvault safe on his side of the bed, and raced out and down the hall to the girl's bathroom. He hit the door and found it locked. "Hope! Hope?!"

"Go away!" she screamed.

"Are you…?"

"I NEED MOM!"

He took an automatic step back and yelled down the stairs, "Ryan!" but she was already racing up to him.

Her eyes were wide as she gently knocked on the door. "I got this," she murmured as he heard the lock flip. She slipped inside and he just stared at the door a moment. One minute passed into ten, then fifteen. He went and sat on the top step, gun hanging limply in his hand. Finally, at the twenty minute mark, the bathroom door opened. Ryan hugged their daughter one more time and watched as she walked into her room.

Ryan blew out a breath and walked, almost in a daze, into their bedroom.

Dean followed blindly behind her. He watched as she flopped down onto the bed and he slid his gun back home into the safe. "So…what's up?"

One brow eye popped open as his wife looked at him. "She started."

His brow furrowed. "Started what?"

She rolled her eyes as she sat up. "Her period, Dean! She started her period."

A million different emotions flashed through him, all in about a moment, but what came out of his mouth was a sputtered, "Wh-What?! She's a damn angel! They don't DO that!"

Her eyebrow rose. "How do you know they don't?"

"I…" his voice faltered. His knowledge of female angels was limited do the one he'd had sex with, so… "I don't know."

She blew out a breath and fell back again, covering her eyes with her arm. "Yeah. Me either. But she is and she did."

"But…" he was more than a little confused. "She's an angel, not a human."

"She's more human than most angels," she reminded him.

"She's got…all her…it all works in there?" he whispered.

Again, she looked at him and shrugged. "Hell if I know. I reminded her about safe sex. She swears female angels can't have kids, but…" Ryan blew out a breath. "This is so above my pay grade. I mean, I've never even had a period!"

That was news to him. "Wait. What?"

She shook her head. "I've never…I mean, I didn't have one before the demons, I wasn't…" she trailed off. "I didn't have the necessary equipment after that. Then, after, when he fixed me, Gabriel just kinda kept my body ready for you. I never had to worry about that stuff."

Something niggled at the back of his brain. "And now?" he persisted.

She shrugged again. "I hemorrhaged and died, Dean. Cas fixed me. No more babies."

"So we don't need to worry…?"

She shook her head. "I assume he did the same thing he did in the other timeline. Gabriel said Cas saved me then, too."

"But Hope…?"

Ryan smiled, and it looked a bit evil. "She wants to be human. I'd say she's about as human as she's gonna be. That explains why she's been off for the last few days. I'd better get her some Tylenol and a hot water bottle. I guess the cramps are bad. Luckily, even though I've never had firsthand experience, I've lived with Tor and Andy long enough to know what she needs."

Dean watched her stand and walk out of the room as he felt the knife twist in his gut. His baby girl…she really wasn't a little girl anymore. His eyes narrowed as he thought of the sick little dickbags who would surely be sniffing around her. Angel or not, he'd kill anyone that tried to touch her before she got the chance to do any smiting.

* * *

The next morning, he wisely decided to take the boys to the bunker. All the boys, while Hope, Kris, and Ryan just relaxed at the house. Sam was already there. Andy had gone on a supply run. Apparently the bunker was almost out of booze and, well, he knew he would need it to get through this fresh hell. Apparently Andy knew it, too. God knew that was why he loved his pint-sized terror of a sister-in-law.

"So, did you hear?"

Sam's lip curled. "Ryan told Andy who told me. Ugh. I didn't know angels could…"

"Right?! It's bad enough she looks like a full-blown woman, in spite of still being a kid. But now? Now's she's gonna be in heat, bringing coyotes prowling around…" He rubbed his temples, then slapped Sam on the back. "Thanks for the chat."

Sam looked puzzled. "Okay, but, uh, what're you going to do now?"

Dean grinned. "Now? Now it's time to batten down the henhouse." He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "Boys!"

Ben appeared, Bobby and Jon hot on his heels. Jon was walking like a champ now, despite the fact he was still only 10 months old. He'd one day decided he was tired of crawling after Bobby and promptly stood up and took off running. Dean wasn't one hundred percent sure the demon half of him had anything to do with it, but he was thinking it was likely.

He turned to their expectant faces. "Okay, boys, there are some changes on the horizon. Hope is…well, she's a woman now, and as such, we must protect her at all costs from the whiney little bitches she may bring home that want to get in her pants."

Ben just looked at him a moment before his eyes widened. "You mean…"

Dean nodded. "She's sailing the crimson tide."

"Ew! Dad! Gross!" Ben managed.

"Seriously!?" Hope screamed from the top of the staircase. Dean looked up to see her and Ryan both standing at the doorway of the bunker. "It's bad enough this is happening, but you're preparing to what? Defend my honor?! Idiots! The lot of you!" she growled before she turned and stormed back out.

Dean looked at the now slammed shut bunker door, mouth askew in surprise. He didn't notice Ryan all but fly down the staircase to pop him on the back of the head. "It's a week of bleeding, Dean, not a siege on hell. She can handle it. Now pull your ass out of your posterior. I'm taking her and the boys home. Why don't you take Sam and go on a tampon run."

The blood left Dean's head in such a rush, he started to feel woozy and had to grab the table next to him for support. "T-Tampons?"

Ryan's smile was just this side of cruel. "Well, yeah. I mean, you love your baby girl, right? You'd do anything for her? Buying tampons? Right up on the top of that list."

"B-B-B-…" he blinked once, twice, three, times, and Ryan was gone, Bobby and Jon along with her.

He looked to Sam or Ben for help, but both of them were suspiciously absent from his presence. Feeling more than a little sick to his stomach as the realization of just how, exactly, tampons worked, he put out a 9-1-1 to Andy.

* * *

**ANDY POV**

She was standing outside, talking to Ryan and Sam when her phone rang. She chortled. "It's Dean. This ought to be good." She punched the button, put the phone to her ear and yelled, "Yo, 'sup, Wyatt? I'm getting your cheap ass booze. You need a straw or a little fucking umbrella for it, too?"

"N-No…"

His silence made Andy pause. She was going to take the piss out of him, but not if he was seriously flipping his shit, "Dean. Dude. What the hell? Are you alright?"

"T-Tampons. Hope. I…uh…"

She couldn't help a throaty chuckle. "And why, exactly, are you calling ME about this, Wyatt?"

"'Cause you're the only woman I know who's actually experienced the hemorrhaging, and the hormones, and the…" he paused, his voice dropped and he whispered, "Do you KNOW how tampons work?"

Andy had made the mistake of sipping her water. Sam had rode her ass about how she needed to at least drink enough water to counteract the tequila she loved so much and choking on it, managed, "Oh, trust me. I'm well versed in the art of tampons, big boy." She paused. She couldn't do it. Nice wasn't in her vocabulary. She couldn't pass up an opportunity when it was beating her over the damn head. She couldn't contain the smile as she teased, "You know what, as a matter of fact, it was a tampon that gave me my first…"

Dean sounded like he was on the edge of his seat as he asked, "Your first what?"

"You know…" she sated suggestively. "I became a woman and found the art of pleasure all in one day." It wasn't exactly the whole truth, but still.

The smile slipped off her face, though, when she heard a loud crash. "Uh-oh. Dean? Dean!" She tossed her phone into the car and raced toward the bunker door, almost bumping into Sam. "Gotta go!" she yelled.

He caught her and asked, "Wait! What's going on?!"

"I think I broke your brother…" She saw Ryan run into the bunker and out of sight.

"You were teasing him about Hope, weren't you?"

She shrugged. "_He _called _me_! God, you'd think he'd know better than that by now!"

Sam gave an exaggerated sigh. "I'll stay up here with the boys. Go."

She dashed down the stairs to find Ryan hovering over Dean's sweaty body. Ryan glared at her. "What did you say to him?!"

Andy's mouth fell open but she couldn't contain the grin. "I told him about my first orgasm."

Ryan's eyes widened. "The one with the…ANDY! Don't you know you can't fuck with him like that?! My God. You've seen his diet! You could have caused him to have a heart attack!"

Andy shrugged as she knelt down beside Dean and slapped his face. "He's a Winchester. I doubt that knowledge would kill him." She smacked him again. "Come on, Winchester. Buck it the fuck up already."

Dean let out a groan and blinked. Andy's face was hovering over him, perma-smirk on her face. You're an oak, Wyatt."

"Yeah?" Dean pulled his gun and put it under her chin. "Go to Hell, Doc."

"Whoa, whoa!" Sam yelled. Obviously he'd got Ben to stay with the littlest dudes. "Hope starts her period and you deal by packing heat?!"

"Please," Andy deadpanned as she gave Dean's hand a gentle shove to move the gun away from her. "Like this is the first time he's pointed a gun at me?" She looked down at the big man baby. "Sam does raise an interesting point, though. Are you sure there's not a visit from Aunt Flo in YOUR future?"

Dean responded with a confused, "Huh?"

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Never mind. Just…cry me a fucking river, princess. Tell you what…if you'll zip up your vagina, I'll take you for a scotch, my treat. Attempt to deal with this like a REAL woman."

"Lemme think about it," Dean growled. He glared at her as he pulled the hammer back. "Nah. I'mma just shoot you. That way I don't have to listen to your yammering, and I ain't gotta share the scotch. Win/win."

She shot him a bored glare. "Really?" With a sigh, she reached down and pushed the lever on the side of the gun. Leaning a bit closer, she put an elbow on her knee and whispered, "Generally, bluffs are a bit more believable if you take the safety off, first, short bus."

Dean squinted as he checked his gun. She shook her head again. "Rookie mistakes? Geez, you are in a bad way."

Dean's eyes cut to her. "No thanks to you, bitch."

"Don't go there, Dean," Sam warned.

Andy didn't even react, just fired back with an "Awww," as she squeezed Dean's face and puckered her lips at him. "You're so cute when you try to be badass!"

She saw out of the corner of her eye, Sam and Ryan share a worried look. She knew they were concerned Dean might just blow a fuse, considering the fact that, at the moment, he was having an emotional crisis. He somehow managed to sit upright and slapped Andy's hand away. "Eat me, Blackwell. I ain't in the mood," he snarled as he holstered his weapon.

"C'mon, Dean, we've been over this." She put on an overly sarcastic voice as she pointed to herself. "Me?" She gestured toward Sam, "I married your brother." In her most condescending tone, she explained, "See, when a man and woman get married, the woman sometimes takes the man's last name. I chose to. Ergo, my last name is now Winchester. Remember? Just like yours. It's easy. I'll say it slow so you can keep up. WIN-CHES-TER." She nodded. "If you do me a solid and make that stick, later, I'll tell you how babies are made!"

"Three kids, smartass. Three. I get the gist. But I gotta call you something you'll answer to." He ran his tongue over his teeth as he raised his eyebrows. "Huh. 'Know-it-all, uppity skank' has a nice ring to it."

"Sorry, stud," she told him as she ruffled his hair, earning another swat from him before she stood. "Flattery won't put a scotch in your hand. Looks like you're gonna have to sack up."

Andy didn't miss the look of concern Sam was trying to convey as Dean stared daggers at her. "Uh, Andy? I think you need to slow your roll. Last time he looked like that was right before he kabob'ed old Zachariah with an angel blade."

Andy looked down at Dean. "You…You're worried about him?" She waved at her husband dismissively. "Oh, he's fine. Pissy and ill-mannered as all hell, but still. Me and him? This isn't our worst argument by a long shot. If you only knew. We've had a couple of scrapes that made me want to revisit that whole mess with Tory over Ryan going on that hunt for the Alpha."

Sam and Ryan both turned to her and folded their arms. Sam's eyebrow shot up as he growled, "Uh…I'm going to need a little backstory, babe. So? Care to elaborate?"

Andy pursed her lips. How could Sam and Ryan understand her and Dean? They couldn't. The two of them had their own mode of communication. So did she and Dean. "No."

At their continued glares, she crossed her arms. "Look. You two…you have a rhythm you dance to. We have ours. Yours is just…I don't know…prettier, I suppose." She shrugged. "But ours…it involves insults and firearms." She gave them a smirk. "Makes it more fun."

"I don't dance, sweetheart!" Dean bellowed.

"Of course you don't!" She held a hand over her mouth, nodding slowly as she whispered to Sam, "Yes, he does." Turning back to Dean, she demanded, "Alright, this little episode of yours? It's over. Come on. On your feet."

"Fuck you, you mouthy-"

"EW. NO THANK YOU," she interrupted. "But, I know someone who'll jump at the offer…" Andy snagged Sam's phone off his belt and pulled up a number. "Think Tory might be able to shed some light on the subject?"

Dean shook his head furiously. "NO. Don't…quit screwing around. I mean it, Andy. HANG UP."

She pointed at the phone as she held it to her ear. "I'm sure she'd be more than happy to come over for a heart-to-heart, whip you back in to shape." She narrowed her eyes. "And there won't be anything metaphorical about it. Whips, handcuffs, safe words., the whole nine." She let out a laugh. "Hell, she'll probably wanna get Cas in on-"

"Alright, dammit!" Dean roared as he quickly got to his feet. "I'm up! Are you happy!?"

Andy punched the button on the phone and handed it back to Sam with a wicked grin. "I'm super."

Dean walked to her, leaned down into her face, and grumbled, "Talk about dirty pool. You are five feet of pure evil and a constant pain in my ass, you know that, right?"

She stood on her tip-toes, but still had to look up at him. She glared right back and replied, a self-satisfied smirk on her face, "Yeah? And you're six feet, two inches of marshmallow struggling to overcompensate, but you don't see me judging." Her eyebrows shot up. "So, you wanna keep up the foreplay, big boy? Or do you wanna tie one on?"

Dean clenched his jaw, trembling, and she noticed he was clenching and unclenching his fists like he was resisting the urge to wrap his hands around her throat. Well, she hoped he brought it. She'd been dying to try him hand-to-hand but he was always afraid he'd hurt her. For all the verbal sparring they'd done lately, and it was only getting worse in the best possible way, they hadn't traded punches. Yet. She was still waiting for that one. She'd knock his ass out cold.

"I swear to God, Andy, you're like the bitchy, nagging sister I have never had the pleasure of ganking! Speaking of, I still have my gun. And this time? The safety is OFF!"

Andy narrowed her eyes, not backing down. "Again with the threats. Aren't you tired of circling this runway? In spite of all your blustering, I still owned your butch ass, like it or not. And you know it. So get over it and let's get out of here."

He held up a finger and threatened in a low voice, "There better be a fuck ton of scotch, Andy. And Pie."

"So? The usual, then?" She patted his face. "Play nice and there might even be a bacon cheeseburger in it for you this time."

They were still toe-to-toe as Dean's eyes softened a bit. He quirked his lip and she knew he was trying to decide which was better; wining the argument, or having his vices fed. Vices might have not been the smartest choice, but she knew he never got a buzz or a full stomach from being right, either.

"Well?" she asked as she finally stood down and put a hand on her hip. "What are you waiting for? That scotch ain't gonna drink itself, man!" She gave him a little shove toward the door. "Go on, slugger. Scoot!"

Dean headed for the door, an angry pout on his face.

She chuckled under her breath. "Lion tamer's have got nothing on me." She stood on tiptoe again to kiss Sam's lips before she followed after Dean. "Look after the girl, diffuse the situation with Ben and Hope. I got this big lug." She slung Dean's arm over her shoulder and slipped her arm around his waist. "Don't worry, guys. He's in good hands!"

As she was leaving, she heard Ryan chuckle flatly. "Well, that just happened. How the hell did she manage that? Did she fit him for a shock collar or something?"

Andy was all smiles as she heard Sam's reply. "That's, yeah, I got nothing. Scary thing is, you got Dean, reasoning with Dean in a skirt, getting into 'scrapes' apparently, which involve gunfights or some shit, boozing it up…this is some next level nonsense." Andy had almost made it to the top of the stairs when she heard, "They'll be okay though, right?"

"Oh sure," Ryan deadpanned. "Definitely no trouble brewing there."

Andy couldn't help the good mood as she somehow managed to drag Dean out the door as he muttered about baby girls and plungers and holy shit he wasn't ready for anyone else to be having sex in his house. Andy slid her hand into his pocket, found the key to the car, then dumped him into the passenger seat of the impala. She slid behind the wheel as he slowly fell forward, letting his head butt the dash. "Ohhhh myyyyy Goddddd…" he moaned.

"Ugh," she shot him a sideways glare. "Here." She reached next to the seat where she'd stashed her goods as she tore ass out of the drive and onto the road before tossing the unopened bottle of Johnny Walker into Dean's lap.

He desperately opened the bottle, turned it up, and guzzling and sputtering, managed to down about a quarter of it. He pulled the bottle for his mouth and winced. "What, you just got this shit on the ready now?"

She winced. "Let's just say life isn't smooth sailing at the moment." She appraised him. "Good thing I got one on standby. You sure as hell needed it."

Dean looked at the bottle sadly. "I bet Johnny never had to deal with this shit."

"Noooo," Andy stated sarcastically as she shook her head. "'Course not. That's why he has a damn liquor named after him. Yep. Poster boy of stability." She looked him over once more. "Dude. You gotta button this up. I'm all for equal rights and shit, but you gotta ditch the skirt already."

Dean closed his eyes and took another long pull. "You're supposed to be helping me." He turned sideways in the seat to glare at her. "You're not helping me. In fact, you're the reason I'm…" he gestured wildly in front of himself. "Look at me! I'm a mess!"

"Not arguing that," she remarked fatly. She let out a sigh. "Look, Dean, I love you, which is the only reason I chose to dive on this grenade in the first place-"

"I should fucking think so, since you're the one who pulled the pin."

She rolled her eyes at that. "Be that as it may, I feel like we're close enough that I can be honest with you."

Dean raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to continue.

She pulled the car to the side of the road and slammed it in park. Turning to face him, she fisted his collar in her hands and yelled as she shook him, "Turn off the neon for this pity party and start thinking about someone other than yourself!"

Dean's eyed widened. "What?!" He jerks her hands off him. "In case you haven't noticed, my daughter has reached her childbearing years! For Christ's sake, my reality is collapsing!"

Andy's brows furrowed. "Come on, Dean, I know you paid attention in sex ed! You act like your damn memo got lost in the mail!" She took a calming breath and tried reasoning with him. "You're taking a milestone in Hope's life and making it about YOU. Ever stop to think how all this is affecting HER?!"

Dean blinked. "She's my baby…"

"I know. And I know you've got a hell of a minefield to navigate. Cramps. Hormones. Mood swings." Andy shuddered. "And she's an angel, which makes everything so much more damn difficult. But again, not about you. Hell, man, if this is how you react to every stepping stone in her life…"

"What?" Dean asked, searching her face.

Andy swallowed hard. She could remember how their dad had acted anytime anything happened in their lives. It was all about him. It was how it affected him. Never her. Never Ariel. Always him. They got bad grades? It was how it made him look. How it reflected on him. Andy showed up drunk and in jail for bashing in a few mailboxes? His shame. Not why she was acting out in the first damn place.

Andy's voice was soft as she replied, "If you can't come up with a way to quit shuffling and deal, she'll freeze you out. Take it from experience."

At his horrified expression, she urged, "This is one time you need to pull a vintage Winchester attitude and just bury your shit. All of it. Take all that stoic hunter mentality and apply it to this. Decide that, no matter what, this ain't gonna shake you up. Trust me. Your daughter's gonna need that more than anything else. And she'll remember it."

He raked a hand over his mouth, then took another drink. "Alright." He squared his shoulders and turned in the seat to face the windshield. "I got this." He shot Andy a serious look. "Take me to the store. I'm gonna buy her more plungers, Midol, and chocolate than she can shake a stick at."

She contemplated that a moment. "After we hit Brothers, get some food in your belly. I don't need you drunk off your ass if you're going to be helping your daughter become the woman she now is."

He shivered. "Fine. Fucking fine. Get me a burger, get me a beer, then help me so I'm not 'world's douchiest dad' this year."

Her lip wiggled. Then she bit it. Then she couldn't help it and laughed out loud. "Too late," she muttered as she threw the car back into drive and tore ass back down the road.

"I fucking hate you, Andy."

"Feeling's mutual, champ. The feeling is mutual."

* * *

**Dean POV**

He managed to hold his shit together and not barf as Andy told him everything he needed to know about supporting his daughter in this. He'd sworn he wasn't going to be John Winchester and that meant buying stuff. So, after a beer, onion rings, and a double bacon cheeseburger, Andy helped him pick up the gear Hope needed.

By the time they left Walmart, he'd spent over two hundred dollars and had bags full of chocolate, drugs, feminine…products, movies, and an iTunes gift card in case the kid wanted to buy some new emo music.

They got back to the house and he walked right past Ryan up to Hope's room. He knocked on the door and she called out a begrudging "Come in."

He walked in and dumped out the multitude of bags on her bed. "Peace offering," he muttered as he sat on Krissy's bed across from her.

She blinked as she looked down at her lap and around her. "I should say so."

He blew out a breath. "So, Andy reminded me this ain't about me. It's about you. And I swear, I'm not gonna abandon you to deal with this. I don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time and this?! This is way beyond that. I never thought I'd have a daughter and I even if I did, I didn't think I'd skip all the little girl stuff. I mean, the dancing on my feet in the kitchen, the tea parties, whatever the hell little girls do. I missed that. This is just another reminder of the fact. I'm not blaming your mom," he tacked on quickly, "I wasn't in a place to raise you. She was. But I'm so damn jealous of all the time she got to spend with you." He blew out another breath. "You're one hell of a kid, Hope, angel or no. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I overreacted."

She looked at all the stuff on her bed and a slow smile crossed her face. "You gonna buy me all this crap once a month?"

He shot her a look and her smile grew. "Kidding!" She sighed. "You think this is easy on me, because I've lived life once before? It's not. But you and Mom? You make it a heck of a lot easier. I love you Daddy."

He opened his arms and she jumped up to hug him. He felt like a damn hero. He kissed her hair. "Alright. Just…rest or whatever."

"Mom sent me up here because I wasn't fit to be around humans."

He snorted. "God, I love your mom."

She gave him a half smile. "Well, she was right. I was being a bitch."

"Oh, here," he rummaged around for the bottles. "Andy says this one is good for moods. And this one helps with cramps. And this one…" he glanced at the bottle. "I don't know. I can't remember. Just read them. And seriously, this is one area your mom isn't experienced in. The normal teenage shit? Talk to Andy. She's a girl, and maybe she can help, you know?" He pulled out a piece of notebook paper. "She also sent this."

Hope took the note and read it quickly before she dissolved into giggles.

"Do I want to know?"

Instead of answering, she handed it to him. He read it quickly and attempted not to sway on his feet. "She, uh, she's got a point."

The note read "Read this to the tune of Carly Rae Jepson's 'Call Me Maybe'…"

_**Hey, here's some Midol.**_

_**Those Cramps are crazy.**_

_**Here's the bright side…**_

_**It's not a baby.**_

"God help us," Dean muttered. He glanced at her. "Mom says she handled all that…that talk with you, right?"

Hope smiled at that. "Yes. She did. You dodged a landmine with that one, Dad."

He cleared his throat. "Good. I mean, I'd, you know, I know stuff, and…" He blushed and it caused her smile to grow.

"Thanks. I will talk to Mom, or Andy if I have any issues, I promise. And I have Kris, too."

"Yeah. I'm glad she's with us."

"Krissy's my sister as much as Ben, Bobby, and Jon are my brothers."

He nodded. "Damn straight. Remember that. Family is everything. And family is more than blood."

She nodded solemnly. "I remember."

"Alright. Chill out, kid. We go easy on you for a day or two, but then I want you back in the gym. I'm not happy with how you're relying on your grace. I want to see you kick ass with hands, feet, and brain. Human stuff. Got it?"

She gave him a mocking salute.

"Wise ass," he replied as he stepped to the door.

"Takes one to know one!" she shouted back.

He was grinning as he walked down the steps to find Andy waiting, propped up against the wall leading into the kitchen. Dean thumbed towards the stairs. "She loves me."

Andy giggled. "My God, you ARE a daisy."

"Shut it, asshat. Come on, let me fix you a snack."

"That's the least you can do. Personally, I was thinking a big piece of meat."

He gasped. "What kind of man do you take me for?!"

She rolled her eyes and elbowed him. "Your brother's is big enough. I don't need to see Little Dean. Fix me a fucking steak."

His mouth fell open. "I have you know, there ain't _nothing _little about me. And I'll prove it!"

"You drop your pants, I'mma drop you like a bad fucking habit, Winchester!" she retorted.

* * *

**August 5, 2015**

Dean had the feeling he was in for an argument that morning. Something just told him it was going to happen. He realized he was right when Ryan blurted out, "I'm going to get Jesse."

He blinked. "Excuse me?"

She looked at him over the lore book she was currently neck deep in. There had been a weird case a state over and she was toying with the question of if it was a Vetala or not. "I said, I'm going to go get Jesse."

"When?"

"This weekend."

"Excuse me? Are you crazy?"

She shrugged. "What? It makes sense."

"You're not going alone."

"Of course not. I'll need Jon there to prove to him we need him to come to us."

"Jon? You're taking a half demon baby to meet a half demon teenager? Yeah, because that'll work out great."

She glared at him. "Sarcasm is an incredibly unattractive trait."

"And yet, you still married me," he shot back.

She sighed. "I'm serious. I'll take someone…"

"Me. You'll take me."

She gave him a flat laugh. "Are _you _the crazy one? One look at your or Sam and he'll bolt out of there! No, definitely not you two, _or _the angels."

"What?" Hope all but shouted indignantly from where she was taking a test Ryan had created on a chupacabra.

Ryan ignored her, as did Dean as he asked, "But…then, who?"

She thought a moment. "Well, I need to send someone out on this case, Andy and Tory are both jumping at the bit for a case, so I'll take Krissy."

"Just Kris?"

She pondered that for another moment before she shook her head and smiled. "I'll take Ben. Maybe another teenage boy would be good…"

"So…you're taking a young hunter and an inexperienced one? Seriously, Ryan? You're guano."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Look, I don't know what you want from me. We go in, guns blazing, he's gonna tear out of there so fast, I'll have windburn. We need him, Dean! We need all the help we can get!"

"Why, damn it?!"

"Jon scares me, okay?" she admitted on a scream. She blew out a breath. "We're walking a tightrope here with him and Bobby and I just…" she looked down before pleading with him, "Can't you see? We need him here. We need to know how powerful he was as a baby. We need to know what the effects of being a cambion is. We need to know…" She swallowed and blew out another breath. "I need to know a half demon can turn out good, okay?"

"But we know, from the other timeline…" he stated uncertainly as he sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him.

"Kris said something that made me realize, this timeline is different. Our choices make things happen different. What if our choices led him to being bad, or it will? I can't take that chance with our baby, Dean. Look at Sam, look at me. Hell, look at you. We've had the chance to go bad and we haven't. I don't want to worry about Jon doing that."

"So having a half demon here will, what? Make him want to be good?"

"Jesse will show him that he can tamp down on that demon in him."

"He's got Sam for that."

"Sam had demon blood," she reminded him. "It's a little different."

Dean blew out a breath. "I don't like this."

"Not asking you to," she told him.

"How will you find him?"

She paused before she said, "I already have. Kris, Hope and I did a little spellwork…"

His nose curled. "I don't like you guys working with magic."

She rolled her eyes. "Even the men of letters used magic, sugar."

"And look where it got them. A whole lot of dead."

She chortled under her breath. "Too true. However, the stuff they did while they were alive was pretty damn awesome."

Dean sighed. "You really want to go this weekend? Why?"

"I don't know if he wants to go to school or not, but it would be nice if he could go with the kids."

He appraised her. "Always in 'Mama Bear' mode, aren't you?"

"You can't understand it, Dean, but I feel drawn to him."

"How? Like, demony?"

She rolled her eyes at him again. "No, Dumbo, like I need to be there for him. Like…like I'm supposed to be there for him, to be his mom. He doesn't have that."

"He's the one that ran away. What will stop him from running away from you?"

He could tell it hurt her as soon as it left his mouth, but her eyes showed her stubborn, steely resolve as she said, "If he does, I'll handle it. But, damn it, I'm going to get that boy and bring him home whether you like it or not!"

He blinked and realized no matter how much he argued and bitched, she would go anyway. So he changed tack. "Kris and Ben, though? You sure that's wise?" Krissy was being a bitch to Ben, which, hey, he deserved it. Dean was smart enough to know the two had feelings for each other, just like he knew Kris was more up on it than Ben was. Nothing but time could sort that shit out.

She nodded. "I think it will be good for them."

"You driving or flying?"

She paused. "Driving. If we fly then I don't know…if Jon freaked out, he could potentially take the plane down…"

"Shit. Didn't think of that. And since you won't be taking an angel with you…you sure you don't want Hope to come with?"

She looked over at their daughter, who he could tell was trying and failing not to look like she was eavesdropping. "I'm afraid an angel might freak him out."

"Who's to say he knows an angel on sight?"

She shrugged. "Maybe angels and demons can sense each other. With Hope not knowing how to cloak her grace, yet, I'd rather be safer than sorry."

"Fine. I…if this is what you think is best…"

She hugged him. "It is. Trust me. You do trust me, don't you?"

"Of course I trust you." _It's just the half demon boy I don't. _

* * *

"You got everything you need?" Dean asked as Ryan strapped the baby into his car seat two days later. They were taking the Expedition to New York City. It was a haul to get there, but with the other two kids, they could take turns driving and get there faster.

She nodded as she turned and kissed his cheek. "We should be there by tomorrow at this time if we take turns driving and Jon cooperates. I'll keep you posted and I know you have GPS turned on for each of our phones." She eyed him speculatively. "Did you put lowjack on the car?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Not taking any chances with my family, babe."

She stepped onto the running board then bent down to put her hand on his face before she proceeded to kiss him tenderly. "We should be able to see him tomorrow afternoon or at the latest on Sunday. He's got the midafternoon shift tomorrow and the late shift the next day. If all goes well, we should be home in a few days."

"Be careful. Please," he implored.

She smiled and gave him a wink as she slipped her sunglasses over her eyes. "Please. I'm always careful."

She gave Bobby, who was in Dean's arms, a hug, then slid behind the wheel. With one more wave, Dean watched them drive out of the driveway.

"They'll be okay, Dad," Hope stated knowingly.

He sighed. "I hope so."

* * *

Dean talked to Ryan a few times on the trip. They were making good time and got into New York by noon the next day. By Saturday evening, she had already met with the boy. "He seems so nice. Polite. His hair is a little long, but look at Sam. Oh, Dean, I know you aren't thrilled about this, but in my heart, I know this is where he's supposed to be."

"So, he's coming back with you?" he asked as he poured a glass of chocolate milk for Bobby. That was his nighttime snack before bed each night. The kid definitely had Gabriel's sweet tooth.

Dean could hear the excitement in her voice, but all he felt was concern as she told him, "No. He said he will come, but he's got to quit his job and stuff. I'm so excited. I can't wait for him to get there. He and Ben hit it off immediately. He's kind of shy, but I'm sure we can get him out of his shell."

"That's what I'm worried about," he muttered. But to her, he said, "I'm glad it's working out. Now, you hurry home to me, alright?"

"I will. I may take a few days. Kris has never been to New York, neither has Ben. Would you mind if I took them around?"

"They getting along better?"

"Actually, they are. I think they just needed to be forced into some time together. We talked about music and his car and hunting…it's all good, I think."

"Good. Well, sure, if you want to take a few days, go ahead. Just don't go finding a case to hunt with a baby strapped on your chest."

She giggled. "Yeah, that would be something, wouldn't it? My machete in one hand, a sippy cup in the other."

"Breastfeeding while you're stabbing a wraith in the heart…"

"Changing a diaper and shooting a werewolf…"

They both laughed.

"I love you," she told him softly.

"God, I love you, too."

"I'll see you soon, babe."

"Yeah, see you soon." He punched the button on his phone and sighed as he looked at it. When they were apart, it was like a physical ache in his chest. He assumed it was the whole soulmate thing.

"Dad? They okay?"

He glanced up and saw Hope with her mother's recipe book in her hand. "Yeah. They're good," he assured her. "Gonna take a few days in NYC though, first."

She nodded. "Good. That'll be good for Ben and Kris."

"Are they soul mates? Can you see that connection?"

She smiled. "I'm not inclined to answer that question, Dad."

"So that means yes."

She shrugged noncommittally. "I was thinking meatloaf for dinner. How's that sound?"

"You want me to cook?"

"You cooked last night. It's my turn. Then Uncle Sam can take his turn tomorrow night." Sam and Andy's house was almost theirs, but there was some issue with an inspection or something, so they were still hanging out in the basement. Dean had walked in on the two of them making out in the living room more than anyone wanted to admit. And the first time he came downstairs to find Andy drinking coffee in nothing but one of Sam's shirts had been awkward.

They were working through it, but he knew everyone, including him, would be glad when they moved out. Andy and Tory were gone on a case though. Tory had said she needed to kill something and Claire urged her to go. The girl was fitting in pretty well, to be honest. Hope and Kris were good for her and Ryan had all but taken her in as another daughter as well.

He went to go play Legos with Bobby and was in an epic fight of Batman versus Penguin when Sam came in. "We've got a problem."

Dean glanced up at him but then resumed his battle. "What? She's been gone for two days, Sam. Just use the lube I bought you for your birthday and man up until she gets back."

"Not that," the bitchface made an appearance. "We have a case."

"So?"

"So, we don't have any hunters. Besides us."

Dean glanced from Bobby to Sam. "Me and you?"

"Yeah. Charlie's hitting a salt and burn in Texas, Andy and Tory are out on that vetala case, Ryan and Kris are out of commission this weekend…"

"What about Mike? Garth? Anyone?"

Sam shook his head. "They're all busy. We're it."

"Take it, Dad. Bobby and I will be fine here," Hope said from the kitchen door.

"You sure, kid? I hate leaving you with the monster. You two might kill each other."

At that, she smirked. For some reason, they were like oil and water sometimes, Hope and Bobby. Dean wasn't sure why. She had stated time and again, Gabriel was her favorite angel brother. Of course, he and Sam butted heads as often as they got along, so he assumed it was a sibling thing. "Well, if we do, at least we can bring each other back."

"You hope."

"I'll hide the angel blades," she stated solemnly.

"Smart ass."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

He shot her a look and they both grinned. "Seriously though, you good?"

"It's for a few days. Either Mom will come back, or Andy and Tory, or you. Go on. TCB. Me and Bob will keep the home fires burning and the kettle on for tea."

"You're weird, kid."

She winked. "Takes one to know one."

"Are you sure?"

"If you don't leave, I'll boot you out with angel mojo, Dad. Go."

He stood. "Grab your gear, Sammy, let's go gank a monster."

* * *

**Jesse POV**

His eyes opened and burned black for a second before they returned to their human blue color, causing him to sigh. He glanced around. The water in the tub was stained dark pink with blood and his wrists had faint red marks on them. He knew, from his previous attempts, they would go away soon enough. The demon side of him wouldn't let him die, nor would it let him scar. He supposed that was good. If anyone had seen how many times he'd actually tried to kill himself, they would lock him up, and being locked in a nuthouse would probably tip him over the edge of what little sanity he had left. He honestly didn't know why he continued to try. He wasn't dying anytime soon.

He sighed again, stood, drained the cold water, and began taking his soaking wet clothes off as he flipped the showerhead on to the hottest spray the crappy apartment could eek out. He showered quickly enough, slung a towel around his waist, and walked out into his bedroom. It was an abysmal place, his apartment. It was all he could afford on the salary from the coffee shop, but he supposed a roof over his head was better than nothing.

He caught sight of his appearance in the bureau mirror and walked closer to it. He had clear, aquamarine eyes, a lip ring, an eyebrow ring, and a couple of earrings that failed to make him look tough. His straight brown hair was a little long and needed a trim, but money was tight, so he was letting it grow out some. He had a couple of tattoos; a phoenix rising out of the ashes he got after his first failed suicide attempt perched on his wrist and up his forearm, the angel of death on his shoulder was an ironic choice, but he loved it, and the 666 marking him as the Devil's had been a decision after the first time he saw his eyes flicker black, when he realized no matter how many times he tried to kill himself, he was only killing his humanity. He wasn't certain if he wanted to kill all of it or not, but some days, life just wasn't worth living.

He sighed. He wasn't anything special and he never would be. He was earmarked for a cause that thankfully, never came to be. So, he wasn't sure what his life was even useful for. His alarm clock sounded, reminding him he needed to get dressed and ready for work.

He quickly slipped into a pair of baggie shorts, a skateboard shirt, and a button-down, open, over the top. He jammed a beanie on his head, jumped into his well-worn sneakers, snagged up his backpack, and made it out into the bright New York sunshine.

He liked New York okay, but a part of him hated the busy pace, the loud and constant noise, the go-go-go of it all. He was a laid back kind of guy. Something quieter, simpler, would have been preferable. But if you went to a small town, people asked too many questions. He'd tried that before. Here, no one gave a shit about you. You were a number, just one of millions, nothing special. Anonymity was his friend, no matter how much the solitude bothered him.

Once he arrived at the coffee shop, he didn't have time to dwell. He donned his apron and began mixing coffees and specialty drinks. This was something he was very good at. Because he was intuitive, he often knew what people needed, not necessarily what they wanted, and that's usually what he made. Not always, because that could get him fired, but if someone walked in having a really shitty day, he took care to make them something special, something that would lift their moods and put a smile on their faces. He liked that. He liked helping people. He might be a monster, but that didn't mean he had to act like one.

The day was winding down when he heard the tinkling bell and glanced up. He had been cleaning one of the machines. Raul was on a break, so it was just him behind the counter. "Just a second!" he called as he finished the task at hand and walked to the counter. The woman had a soft smile on her face and a baby in a stroller. Two teenagers were with her. A girl and a guy. They were either fighting or fucking…maybe both. The sexual tension was so thick he could practically taste it in the air. Whatever was going on with them, it would have been interesting to explore. His experience in that field was so low it was practically in the negatives, but he could read them well enough.

"Can I help you?" he inquired and the woman's soft brown eyes lit on his, momentarily paralyzing him. He'd seen those eyes before. They were in his dreams. Not hers, though…younger eyes, without the soft crinkles showing her life on her face, the good and the bad. The face wasn't quite right, either, but there was no denying that color of brown. Like honey whiskey. And the hair, the soft red, mahogany, that reminded him of sun through the autumn leaves he'd seen once as he traveled through the Appalachian mountains, backpacking.

She ordered her drink, drinks for the teens, and a giant cookie for the baby before he told them to go sit and he would bring their order out. He filled it in a daze. What was it about this woman? Some people struck him, almost like he'd met them before, but not like her. He felt some sort of instant…something to her. It was strange and it was frightening. When he got the order together, he put it all on a tray and walked over. "Order up," he teased.

She gave him that smile again. "Thanks…Jacob." He glanced down at his name tag. That was the name he was using now. For some reason, he wanted to hear her use his given name, and he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why. "Would you hand the little guy his cookie? He's a pig."

He smiled at the baby. He didn't have experience with kids, but this one was cute. All dark blond hair and big green eyes. He reached his hand out to give the kid the cookie, but instead, the baby grabbed his hand.

The connection was instantaneous as the demon within him recognized its counterpart in this child and both their eyes flashed black. "What the…?" he managed as he ripped his hand away from the kid. A glance at the woman showed her leaning forward and she snatched his hand.

"Jesse, we need you."

"How…how do you…? " He blinked and shook his head. "No. You…what are you?"

"I'm a human. But I'm also a hunter."

"And so, what? You use the kid as bait so you can kill me?!"

"No! God, no! Of course not! This is my son. He's a cambion, like you. Half human, half demon."

"Did…is…" he sucked in a breath. "Did they do to you what they did to my birth mom?"

Surprise lit her features for a moment before she shook her head. "No. I…it wasn't like that. It was a demon, yes, but not exactly. He was under the effects of a curse when we conceived Jonathan. It was consensual, I promise."

"Okay, so…"

"My name is Ryan. Ryan Winchester. This boy is Dean Winchester's son."

"Dean's a demon?" That was news. Last he'd heard of the Winchesters, they were out to defeat the Devil. Word was, they'd won.

She shook her head again. "Not now. But at the time, he had a curse, The Mark of Cain. It turned him when he died by the hand of an angel hell bent on destroying everything."

"And now?"

"Now, he's back. He's just your average human." She smiled. "Well, he's more than average to me, but you get the idea…"

He blinked. "I can't believe…what do you want from me?"

She licked her lips. "Jonathan is part demon. We aren't exactly equipped to know how to train him."

"Train him? To do what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…be a decent person? Channel mostly his human side? I don't know. I just know you're a good kid and you can help us train him. And we can help you, too."

He eyed her warily. "How?"

"Come with us, and you can have a decent roof over your head, food in your belly, school, the whole gambit."

The word was out of his mouth before he could catch it. "School?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "If you'd like, yes."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. We need you, Jesse. Ben and Krissy are two I've taken under my wing as well. Plus, my own kids are there. We can be there for you. And if you want, we can train you to hunt. You can use our lore books, find out more about being a cambion…whatever you want."

"No catch? Please. There has to be a catch."

"You'd live with us, so, that means living with Dean. Sam is living with us part time, too, until his house is ready."

"And that angel of theirs? Castiel?"

"He is there quite frequently, but he's not…he's different. They're all different. It's been almost ten years, Jesse. Everyone, including you, has done some growing up."

"What if…?"

"What if you don't like it? You bail. Seriously, you get the heebs? You walk right out. No pressure. But I know what it's like to be alone, Jess. It's hella tough."

He thought a moment. A new life? With the Winchesters? "I don't know…"

"In the sake of full disclosure, my daughter is an angel. She was born in a human body. So is my other son, though he has his own challenges. If you wanted to learn how to fight monsters, learn to hunt, we could train you to do that, too. Hope, my daughter, is learning how to fight other big bads."

He couldn't wrap his head around this. Working and learning side-by-side with human and angel teens alike? A home? A…family? "This had better not be a trap…"

"I swear to you, Jesse, I only want what is best for you."

"And those Winchesters? Sam and Dean?"

She hesitated, just slightly, before she said, "I'm married to Dean. Occasionally, we don't see eye-to-eye. But I know I want you with us."

"Why? You don't even know me."

She inclined her head. "No, I don't know you. But I'd like to. I'm the…mother hen for our group. Every last one of us are orphaned, well, except for my own kids, and they didn't know their father until last year. We know what it's like to be abandoned, either by choice, or circumstance."

He glanced at the two teens who were listening to her and nodding occasionally. "You two train under her?"

"Yep. She's kick ass as they come," the girl said.

The boy nodded. "Yeah. And she's a hell of a cook, too."

The woman's lip quirked. "Give us a shot, Jesse. Please?"

He sighed. A clock chimed, telling him it was time for shift change. "Can I think about it?"

She reached into the stroller and handed him a bus ticket. "I figured you'd like to have some time."

He took it and smiled down at it. "You do know I can teleport, right?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I do. But then, I figured time would help."

"Thanks, Mrs. Winchester…"

"Ryan."

Their eyes met once more. He knew he'd seen them before, but he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out where. "I'll consider it."

"You hungry? I've been telling the kids about real New York pizza but they don't believe me that it's better than Chicago style."

He scoffed at that. "I'll show you some real pizza. Let me just clock out, we can do dinner…"

* * *

He walked back into his apartment a few hours later. He'd spent the evening with them, talking more in the past couple of hours than he probably had his whole damn life. Ryan made you want to talk. He wasn't sure if it was that unassuming smile, the soft, southern lilt to her voice, or just her in general, but he'd opened up like a damned flower, spilling his whole life story to her.

He tossed his backpack onto his bed and the bus ticket flew out of it. He reached to pick it up and looked at it. He had two options. One, he could stay in this shithole and live the same crap he had for the past few years, or, he could give this a shot, give Ryan a shot. There was a chance the Winchesters were out to hurt him. That was a fact. There was always a chance it was a trap. But he wanted so desperately to believe Ryan. With his jaw set, he made his decision. It took him no time at all to pack his meager belongings into an old military rucksack and his backpack. With one last glance around, he read the address written out on the paper attached to the bus ticket, then disappeared.

He appeared in front of a nice house with a decent front yard. The porch wrapped around from the front around the left side of the house, where the driveway was. He could hear music coming from the left, so he followed the sound to the side door. That was when he saw her…the girl from his dreams, the face that had haunted him for months, there, in the flesh. She was cooking dinner. Dancing. Singing. Making the kid, who was at the table, coloring, giggle. The song…he'd heard it before, somewhere.

_**Get out your guns, battles begun,**_

_**Are you a saint, or a sinner?**_

_**If loves a fight, than I shall die,**_

_**With my heart on a trigger.**_

This was the girl, Hope, that Ryan talked about, wasn't it? Her daughter?

_**They say before you start a war,**_

_**You better know what you're fighting for.**_

_**Well baby, you are all that I adore,**_

_**If love is what you need, a soldier I will be.**_

She was the most glorious creature in existence.

_**I'm an angel with a shotgun,**_

_**Fighting til' the war's won,**_

_**I don't care if heaven won't take me back.**_

_**I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.**_

_**Don't you know you're everything I have?**_

_**And I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight.**_

That's when it hit him…angel…Hope was an angel. His world simultaneously opened up and crashed into a burning heap at the realization.

He backed into the shadows and watched them. Watched as she finished dinner, watched as they ate together, bickering and sniping, then giggling at one another, then finally, the boy ran off and she sighed as she began cleaning up the dishes.

He was so intent on watching her, the way she moved, with an almost delicate grace, he didn't notice the boy…until he felt himself be slammed against the tree in the yard after being tossed off the porch by an invisible hand. He felt himself pinned to the tree and gasped as the boy came forward.

The boy's eyes were glowing angel blue. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a voice that didn't necessarily match his body.

"I-I'm J-Jesse…Ryan s-sent me…"

He felt the power at his throat loosen slightly, but not diminish as the boy seemed to look directly into his soul. "Prove it."

"In-in my bag…there's a note with her handwriting. She gave me a bus ticket, but I bounced. I couldn't…I couldn't live there anymore. She told me to come here."

"You better not be lying to me. I may look four, but I got an archangel inside me, bucko."

He swallowed hard. "Gabriel. Robert Gabriel. She said it, told me you were an angel, but I didn't…Sir, I, uh…" He may have been half demon, but he'd read up on his angel lore. He wasn't an idiot. He knew what 'archangel' meant. And he knew this kid was a hell of a lot stronger than that Castiel character he'd turned into an action figure. This pint-sized seraph was not someone to mess with.

The little boy's lip quirked, reminding Jesse of his mother, as he moved to the bag. Quickly, he looked in it and pulled out the papers with Ryan's handwriting on it. The boy narrowed his eyes at it, almost like he was x-raying it before finally, Jesse was free. He rubbed his neck. "Ah, thanks."

The boy smiled and it was as if a switch flipped. "Come insides and meet Hopey."

"Huh?"

"My sister, Hope. Come meet her. You hungry? She fixeded a good supper."

Jesse's brow quirked. It was like the boy had multiple personalities or something. Of course, it was possible that was the case, he supposed.

Apparently, he wasn't moving fast enough because the little guy grabbed his hand. It was as if he'd had an electrical shock as the angel touched the demon, but only for a moment before it was gone and he felt himself being tugged back up the steps to the side door.

"Hopey! We gots company!"

She turned then and gasped as she saw him.

"Ma'am," he stated as he looked at her.

Her hand went to her mouth. "Jesse? You're Jesse Turner?"

He nodded and swallowed hard. "Yeah, uh, yes. I am. And you're Hope."

She smiled and he felt his heart stumble anew. "Yeah, I am. Hope Deanna Winchester, at your service." She paused. "Are you hungry?"

His stomach answered for him and she chuckled. "I just started cleaning up. I hope meatloaf is okay."

"It's great, thanks."

"Sit. Bobby, get him something to drink, yeah?"

Jesse sat and watched her as she bustled about, reminding him a lot of her mother as well. Her gait, the easy but simultaneously wary way she moved…

"So, tell me about yourself, Jesse," she stated as she fixed his plate.

His mouth went dry. What did he say? He was a half demon who'd been on his own since he was a kid? He'd stolen food, clothes, money, until he was old enough to hold a job, and then he'd been suicidal ever since? Nah. That didn't really cover it, did it?

"I think that covers it well enough," she stated softly. "But I'd like to get to know _you _not who you think I think you are."

He gasped. "Did you…hear that? My thoughts?"

She shook her head then shrugged. "Sometimes I can't help it. My angel grace is still growing. I try not to listen to people's thoughts, but sometimes they kind of shout at me. Like yours just did." She brought the plate over and sat across from him. "I don't judge, Jesse."

"I'm a demon. You're an angel. Isn't that kind of pre-destined for some judging?"

"My baby brother is half demon, too, and I don't judge him."

"You should."

"Because you're something you can't control? Because life dealt you a shitty hand? Not buying it. Sorry."

He looked at her a moment. "You're just like him, aren't you? You look like her, but you're like him."

She smiled. "Sometimes. I'd like to think I have maybe a bit more class than him, compassion, but maybe not."

He smiled, too, though he couldn't tell you why. "Well, I guess being self-aware is as good as it'll get, huh?"

She chuckled. "I suppose so. Eat. We can talk more later and I'll show you your room. I guess, for now, you'll be bunking with Ben."

"Ben is cool. We met for dinner a while ago…"

"And now you're eating again. Proof you're a teenage boy."

"Hey, I'm still growing," he stated.

"You look pretty grown to me," she stated and then her cheeks burned fire-engine red.

He bit his cheek to keep from smiling. He didn't want to embarrass her. Not when the truth was, he was dying to puff out his chest at the compliment. He cleared his throat. "This is excellent meatloaf. You're an awesome cook."

"Thanks. Mom and Dad are both great cooks, so it was kind of a natural sort of thing I'd learn. I like to cook. It's relaxing."

"Sissy! Cans I have dessert?!" Bobby shouted at a volume that almost defied nature.

She winced. "I wish you'd learn volume control," she muttered. She sighed. "Let me get you a cookie." She walked to the oven where a tray of cookies, sat, cooling. "Jess, you want one?"

He started to correct her, he disliked being called 'Jess' but for some reason, coming from her, it didn't bother him. "Only one?" he teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll bring you a couple. Milk to go with them?"

"Of course. But I'll get it." He stood and walked to the refrigerator, taking his glass with him. "Whoa," he commented. They had more food in there than he'd ever seen.

"Yeah, I told you we were cooks, and with as many people are currently residing in this house, plus Tor and Claire, well, we have a lot of food. If you're hungry, eat. Always."

"I'm not a freeloader. I'll get a job, pay my way…"

She nodded. "Kris and Ben are the same. Even Claire has a part time job."

"Not you?" he asked, then wished he could have been swallowed up by the earth as her eyes flashed, not angel blue, but in anger.

"Don't think I don't want to do something! I've been told 'no'. Apparently being an angel means I need to have my ass working in the gym or with my powers 24/7."

He held up both hands. "Whoa. Sorry. Didn't mean to push a button."

She blew out a breath. "I don't like being different," she confessed. "And they treat me differently."

"Well, no offense, but you are, aren't you? Different, I mean. Hell, so am I. Guess they'll treat me funny, too."

She shrugged. "It's not just that. I guess, because I'm younger, that makes a difference."

His brow furrowed. She looked like she was his age. "How old are you?"

Her eyes did glow blue then. "Millennia old."

He shook his head. "No, I mean in this…" he gestured up and down her, "Vessel."

"Oh, well, how old do I look?"

"Not what I asked, Hope."

She growled. "It doesn't matter how old my vessel is, what matters is what age I've aged it to."

His eyebrow popped. "Ooookay…"

"I'm young, alright? But I'm not. Just…go with it. But Mom only sees her little girl and for Heaven's sake, don't get me started on Dad…"

He chuckled at that and sat back down, eyeing the stack of cookies she'd slipped onto his napkin appreciatively. "I can only imagine. No, I take that back, I can't imagine." He glanced around. "Say, where is Dean and Sam, anyway? Ryan told me they would be here."

"They bugged out. Sam got wind of a case."

"Demons?"

She snorted. "Not likely. They're being kept away from here for a reason. We've got protection."

"What kind? I didn't feel any wardings…"

"We've got an ace in the hole." She thought a moment and shook her head. "No offense, but we just met. I'm not going to spill state secrets to a newbie."

He nodded. "That's smart." He had to respect that. He was, after all, a stranger.

Just then, the phone rang. She jumped up to answer it and he saw her smile when she heard who was on the other end. "Yes, Dad, I'm fine. No, I haven't killed him, yet." She paused as he obviously said something. "Don't you dare! I do _not _need a babysitter!" He must have interrupted her because she groaned. "Look, not that I don't like Claire, but I just want to chill out tonight, okay? It won't be long and it'll be time for Bobby to go to bed. We'll be fine." She paused to listen, then, "Yes, I promise. Before I gank him with my angel blade, I'll call Claire over. Maybe we'll ride over there tomorrow…" She was obviously interrupted because she said, "Well, you were the one that didn't teach me how to drive yet!" She growled. "Of course I know _how _to drive! Uncle Sam gave me a fake I.D. so I can drive if I need to…" He could hear Dean's yell from there and he winced as the man started obviously berating his brother. "Dad! Dad! Focus on me for one second!" Hope shouted. She blew out a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine. I won't drive. I'll call her to come get us. She _does _have a real driver's license. Maybe when you get back…" She smiled. "Really? Cool. Do I get to drive Baby?" Her smile grew. "Aww yes! Cool. Thanks, Dad. Love ya! I'll talk to you later."

Jesse became interested in his cookies so she wouldn't think he was eavesdropping before she hung up the phone and came back over. "So, you're not old enough for a driver's license…"

She rolled her eyes. "I know how to drive. I remember from before. He's just being paranoid."

"Before?"

She nodded and went into detail telling how she came to be a Winchester. He was fascinated. "So, wait, you were a guy the first time around?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why is it that's like, the only thing people take away from that whole story? Forget the magic of it, forget all the weird crap I've seen. No, it's, 'So, you had a penis the first time around? What was that like'?"

He felt his cheeks heat. "Well, you have to admit, it's kind of an interesting angle on the story…"

She shrugged. "I was never meant to be a man. I mean, I know I'm an angel. And angels…we're genderless, but some of us feel more comfortable in certain vessels. Gabriel for example? Dude. Total dude. Michael is the same. Lucifer? Honestly, he was cool with whichever. Cas? I think he'd be okay in a female vessel. But me? I'm just…I like it. I like being a girl." She smirked. "Just look up some of my exploits _as _a guy." She chuckled. "I wasn't the most butch."

"That's just…it's fascinating. You're fascinating."

She blushed. "Well, you're pretty interesting, too. I'd like to know more about your life, if you'd want to tell me. I can't begin to imagine what it is like to be out there, alone, not as a child, anyway. I've been in two vessels. Both of them have had parents to nurture them." She cocked her head to the side, almost examining him. "You are so kind and smart and brave…I can't begin to imagine becoming this awesome person you clearly are, without guidance."

He was growing hot under her intense scrutiny. "I, uh, I just…I'm just me. Nothing special."

She reached across the table and grasped both his hands. Unlike with when Gabriel took his hand, he didn't feel an electrical charge. No, instead, he felt something shift within him, as if his very soul aligned with her grace. She marked him in that instant and he knew, not matter what, he could belong to no one, save the angel across from him. "You are very special, Jesse Turner. And you are worthy. The demon within you is a gift, not a curse. Treat it as such."

"Okay," he breathed, still spellbound by her. Her eyes were on him, looking almost through him as they locked with his. He wanted…he didn't know what he wanted, but he knew he wanted it all with her.

He watched her as she licked her lips and it was all he could do not to let out an animal yell and jump across the table. To do what, he wasn't sure, but he needed…more.

The spell was broken by the scraping of a chair and Bobby shouting, "I'm done! I'm gonna go pway wego's now!"

Hope blinked and pulled her hands away from his. Just like that, the moment was over and Jesse wasn't sure what he felt. Punch-drunk, certainly, but what else, he wasn't sure. He cleared his throat. "I'll, uh, I'll clean up my plate. Thanks for dinner, Hope."

She nodded. "Wanna watch some TV before bed?"

He nodded. "Sure. That sounds great."

He sat his plate in the sink then followed her to the living room. He wisely decided to sit away from her. He wasn't sure he could trust sitting next to her on the couch. Instead, he chose an arm chair. He watched as she tucked her legs under her and flipped the TV on. Iron Man was on and she smiled. "Superheroes okay?"

"Are you kidding? Tony Stark is my favorite."

"Mine too!" she stated.

He watched her more than he watched the movie, though. He smiled when she chuckled and he laughed along with her at the sarcasm that flowed from the character's mouth. They were about halfway through the movie, though, when she hit the 'pause' button. "Come on, Bob. Bedtime."

"No! No, sissy! I not ready for sleep!"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, dude. I'll read you a story."

"I Wanna Iguana?"

"For the fifth time today? Sure. Why not?" She turned to Jesse. "Want me to show you to your room? Ben's got two beds in his room. He wanted one moved out, but Mom wisely told him 'no'." She appraised him. "Sometimes, I swear she's got The Sight." She shook her head. "Come on, Bobby, let's show Jesse where he will be living now."

"Okay!" the boy shouted as he once more grabbed Jesse's hand. Jesse walked to the kitchen with the angel attached to him, grabbed his bags, then followed Hope up the stairs. She showed him down the hall toward the front of the house and opened a door. "Here's Ben's room, well, now I guess it's your room, too. Let me get him to bed, then I'll be back downstairs, okay?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Hope. For everything."

She gave him that blinding smile again and left him. He walked in and glanced around. The room looked like what he imagined his room would look like, if he'd have stayed at home. He wondered if his adoptive family ever thought about him. He also wondered if his birth mother ever questioned what happened to him. She had been cut a bad deal, too. He didn't blame her for wanting to give him up for adoption, a constant reminder of what those demons did to her. He shivered involuntarily at the thought. He'd been in a few close calls, before he'd gotten big enough to fight with his body as well as his powers. Ryan had promised to teach him how to fight. That would be good. If being a part demon meant he could help take more of the real monsters out of the world, well, he supposed that wouldn't be too bad.

He picked the bed closest to the window, the one that was made and had stuff piled on it. He took those things and dumped them onto the floor. When Ben came back, they could talk about sharing the space equally, but for now, this would do. He sat down on the bed a moment and glanced around. There were car magazines, comic books, video games…he smirked. It had been a long time since he'd played video games. He wondered if he was any good at them?

"You play?" Hope asked from the door. He jumped and she ruefully stated, "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

"Kid go to bed already?"

"He's easy enough to tell to go to sleep. He sleeps like the dead, probably because he runs at full speed when he's awake."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sensing that."

"So? You play?"

"Do you?"

A slow smile crossed her face. "Hell yes, I play."

He walked over and picked up a controller. "I haven't played in forever. I may not be very good."

She walked over and picked up a game. "Then we'll start you off gently. I'm not as good as Ben, but then, I don't care about the game as much as him, anyway." She plopped down on a beanbag and gestured to the one next to her. "Come on, Turner. Scared?"

_How could a man walk away from that challenge? _He dropped to the other beanbag. "You wish."

She let out a giggle.

* * *

Three days later, he was floating in a bubble of happiness. He did know how to drive, and had a valid driver's license, so he drove them around in her mother's car, a sweet old classic Ford that made him want one. She showed him the Bunker, they took Bobby to the park, they went grocery shopping and to the movies. She showed him around town and took him to the diner Krissy worked at, she introduced him to Claire, who was nice, if standoffish, it was the most he'd been relaxed in probably his whole life. It was normal. Peaceful. And he couldn't help himself; he fell in love in those three days.

He woke up with a smile on his face. He whistled a tune as he showered then got dressed and went back to his room. He was still smiling as he noticed the video game controllers laying out and ready. She was planning on showing him how to play GTA later in the day. She admitted she wasn't very good at Skyrm but they'd already partnered up and gotten good at Halo together.

The smile was still in full force as he slid his shoes on. They were going to take Bobby for doughnuts, first, then hit the park again. He felt like a kid there. He'd thrown the ball to Bobby and they went and played on the swings…it was surreal. The smile slid from his face, though, when he heard a rumble of an engine and Bobby shouting, "Daddy! Unca Sam!" at the top of his lungs.

Jesse blew out a breath, squared his shoulders, and walked out into the hall.

There was a commotion in the entryway as Hope fussed over the two men who were both at least a head or so taller than her. "…just don't know why you two have to be so stupid."

"A 'Hi, Dad. Glad you made it home alive' would be nice, not harping on us like your mother!" Dean shouted before he clutched his head. "Ah, fuck."

Hope put a hand to his head and Jesse watched, transfixed, as her eyes glowed and a white light showed from her hand as she said, "There. All better. Big baby. You're lucky you didn't die. I'm not sure I'm strong enough for that yet."

"You brought me back from the dead," he countered.

"No, Gabriel did that. I just took the demon out of you."

He smiled and pulled her to him for a hug. "Love ya, kid. Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm awesome. Come here, Sam, let me patch you up."

"I'm okay. Don't overwork yourself…"

She scoffed. "You kidding? His head's so hard, I just had to fix a minor concussion and a scrape. The way you're walking, I'd say you have at least a broken rib. What was it?"

"Nest of vamps."

"They catch you by surprise? Or are you getting old?" she teased as she moved to treat Sam.

"Watch it, Princess. You're not too big for me to pull over my knee," Dean warned.

Her lip turned. "Uh, Dad, that's kind of inappropriate. I don't wanna know what you and Mom do behind closed doors…"

He opened his mouth to argue, snapped it shut, then let out a belly laugh. "It's so not a good thing that you're like me, kid."

Hope smiled and healed Sam. Just then, Dean looked up…and saw Jesse. His eyes narrowed. "Uh…Hope? Got something you'd like to share with the class?"

She looked at him blankly. "Like what?"

"Like why you have a strange boy coming out of your room?!"

She glanced up, blinked, blushed, and chuckled. "Dad! Come on! That's Jesse! And he wasn't in my room, he was in his and Ben's."

Narrowed eyes moved back to him. "Turner?"

Jesse nodded as he began his descent of the stairs, taking care to stay out of reach for the moment. "Yes sir."

"Christo," Dean growled and Jesse felt his eyes go black. Dean's mouth set as Hope shouted, "Dad!"

Dean glanced at her and shrugged. "What? Just wanted to see."

"That's freaking rude, Dad! You don't just go up to people muttering 'Christo'."

"I don't know, it would save us trouble if we did it more often," Sam commented. But he walked over and held out a hand for Jesse. "Turner. Good to see you."

Jesse swallowed and walked down three more steps to shake Sam's hand. "You too, Mr. Winchester."

"Sam. And you remember Dean?"

Jesse appraised Hope's father and nodded. "Yes, I remember. Hello, Mr. Winchester."

Dean didn't offer him a hand and he supposed he didn't blame Dean for that one. He cleared his throat. "Hope, you want me to start breakfast or are we taking the little monster out for doughnuts like we planned?"

She eyed her father and uncle a moment before she said, "Sure, Jess, that would be awesome. Go ahead and start breakfast, then we can take Bob out for a snack later."

"No!" the boy cried.

"Bobby, stop. Dad and Uncle Sam are tired. Let's feed them, then they can rest up from the hunt while we go get doughnuts and go play in the park, okay?"

"Cans we go swimming?" he pled.

She wiggled her nose a moment and sighed. "I don't know. Let's see if we have time."

"Okay, Sissy!" he shouted before he ran and grabbed Jesse's hand. "I's can help, Jesse!"

Jesse smiled down at the little angel boy. "Sounds like a plan, dude. Tell me what your dad and uncle like to eat."

"Everyfing!" Bobby shouted.

Jesse chuckled and let the boy lead him into the kitchen. It didn't stop him, however, from hearing Dean arguing at Hope. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"Mom invited him, Dad."

"Yeah, but, not when you're home alone!"

"So, what? I was supposed to let him sleep on the porch?"

"I don't care where he slept, but not in the house with you!"

Hope's tone was incredulous as she stated, "Why not?"

"He's…he's a boy. And a demon. And you're a young, impressionable girl and I just…"

"Seriously?! You're going to harp on that?! Dad! Catch a clue! I'm not some impressionable little girl!"

"You're twelve years old, Hope."

Jesse gasped but couldn't stop hearing the conversation. "My vessel is twelve, Dad! I'm millennia old! Don't make me pull out some angel mojo to prove that! And I've aged my vessel accordingly!"

"Which I am less than thrilled with, Kid."

"God, Dad. Seriously? I can't believe we are doing this. He's a guy. I'm a girl. That doesn't automatically mean we're going to have sex because we're alone together!"

Jesse heard both the men groan. "Hope, your dad is just trying to…"

"To put his nose in business that isn't his! This is a non-issue and you're making it into something that it doesn't need to be! Now, do you mind if I go help him make breakfast? Or do you think I'll just throw myself at him?!"

"Ah, fuck, I don't need that imagery," Dean muttered.

"Then don't imagine it. Because it's not gonna happen, alright?" Jesse heard Hope muttering under her breath, something about nosy fathers with worse libidos than teenagers. He tried to shrug it off as she walked in.

She looked at him in surprise. "How much of that did you hear?"

"All of it?" he offered.

"Shit." She shook her head. "Sorry about that."

"Are you really only twelve?"

Her eyes flashed, just a hint of blue steel before they returned back to honey brown. "Yes and no. I've been in this vessel for twelve years, yes. But I'm not…" she blew out a breath. "It didn't work out, me being that young. I had ten years to be a child. Then, the shit hit the fan with Metatron, Dad dying, almost becoming a demon…I had to age. It's cool. I like being a teenager. I'm roughly about the same age as Kris and Ben." She looked him up and down. "And you."

"Angels can do that?"

She nodded. "An angel's grace is pure life. That's why if the grace is taken and put somewhere, usually a tree grows there, overnight. And it's how, sometimes, a woman that can't have kids can bear a child."

"And so you just decide what age you want to be and your vessel grows?"

"Basically. I can choose to age it if I want. Or, I can stay a perpetual teenager. Which is scary, when you think about it."

He laughed out loud at that, feeling slightly better, but still feeling a bit pervy for liking her, knowing she was really a tween. She sure as hell didn't look like it.

She reached out and touched his arm, ever so gently. "I swear, it's fine. I'm not a kid, well, no more than you or Ben or Kris or Claire. I know more about life than all of you combined."

"Yeah, well, you were a dude, so…"

She laughed and punched his arm. "Not funny. That wasn't my choice." She thought a moment. "Of course, staying in that vessel forever was my choice…oh well. I'm much happier now. I'm definitely a girl. All girl. Well, I'm tough. I'm a Winchester. And a seraph. But I'm all girl. I swear."

"Good to know," he murmured under his breath.

* * *

Life was a bit more tense with Dean eyeing him like a hawk every time they were in a room together, but he still had fun with Hope and Bobby. Sam was a cool guy, too. He got to meet Andy, Sam's wife, and Tory, who was Claire's…stepmom? He was going with stepmom, even though she was nothing like any stepmom he'd ever met. They were awesome. Ryan, Ben, Krissy, and Jon came home a day or two later, and slowly they settled into a routine. School would be starting soon, and Jesse was almost ashamed to admit how excited he was. Sam had faked him some papers so now he was considered Andy's nephew which had made her sad for some reason, but she had stoically accepted the title with a teasing smile about how now she was going to look after him and he had two moms in her and Ryan. That made him feel much better.

"Hey! Turner!" Hope shouted as she barged into his and Ben's room.

"Hope! What if I had been naked?!" Ben shouted.

She eyed him. "I'd have been unimpressed." She turned to Jesse. "K and I are going to the bunker to spar. Wanna come?"

He looked at Ben, who shrugged. "Yeah. Why not? If I don't get practicing a little more, they're never releasing me into the wild."

Hope rolled her eyes at her brother. "I'll ignore the fact I didn't ask you, brother mine, and accept you two bozos joining us." She shook her head. "God help us all when you are released into the wild. You suck at hunting chicks. Why ever would you think you stood a shot in hell of hunting a real monster?"

"Just because you've been on a hunt, Hope, does not mean you're better than me."

She smirked. "That a fact? Wanna take me on today, Ben?"

"Hell. Yes."

"Bring it, bitch."

"Jerk," he shot back automatically.

She waggled her eyebrows at Jesse and sauntered back out the door. The smile fell off Ben's face. "Shit. I'm toast."

Jesse laughed. "Come on, Ben. Don't be a pussy."

"Ryan has been training her from the time she was six. Forget the angel crap she's got, she's going to murder me."

Jesse thought a moment. "It's always good to be afraid of women, Ben. Especially these women. I guess you could bow out graciously…"

"And let her know I'm afraid of her? Screw. That. Nope, I'll take my beating like a man, thank you."

Jesse snorted. "Whatever."

By the time they both changed into some workout gear and got downstairs, they were just in time to see Krissy's jeep blowing out of the driveway. "Rude!" Ben shouted after them before he shook his head. He was driving a clunker while he and Dean fixed up his classic car so they walked over to the little sub compact and Ben sneered at it. "This sucks."

"Yeah, but when you get that car fixed up, man…"

Ben let out a whistle. "I know, right? Chick city, man."

They got in the car and headed toward the bunker. Jesse was quiet as they road before he blurted, "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, man."

"Seriously. I don't want shit for it. I don't know you very well, but I guess we're like, friends now, and I don't have a lot of experience with friends, okay?"

Ben was silent a moment before he nodded. "I'm not quite as big a dick as Dad is. You've got some shit in your past, man. All of us do. Some of us just have more than others. What's up?"

"I, uh…"

"Dude. Safe space, man. Seriously. I wanna be your friend. You're like a brother to me now. We don't take that shit lightly."

Jesse sucked in a breath. "I'm…I'm a virgin."

Ben blinked. He was quiet for so long, Jesse cleared his throat. Ben looked at him and said, "Wow."

"See? This is why I don't tell shit."

"No, dude. No, I get it. That's fine. I just…wow." Ben seemed to process this a moment. "And so…what are you going to do about it? I mean, is this like, a religious thing?"

Jesse snorted. "I'm half demon. You think religion is why I'm abstaining?"

Ben was quiet a moment. "You're afraid of hurting someone."

Jesse's breath caught in his throat. "Yeah. I am."

"But you know one thing has nothing to do with the other, right?"

"I was conceived in rape, Ben."

"That doesn't automatically mean you'll be a monster, Jess. What happened to your birth mom was the fault of those demons. Not you. And you may have their blood in your veins, but that doesn't mean you're like them."

Jesse sighed. "I look at you all and you're all so much alike. I mean, nature versus nurture, dude. And I just…"

"Look, I know I don't know you very well, but you're like…sensitive and gentle and shit. And I know, when you're ready to do the deed? You'll look after whoever it is."

Jesse just looked at him a moment. "Damn. I did not know you were such a girl."

"Eat a dick," Ben sneered.

Jesse laughed. "Thanks, Ben. Seriously. I just…needed to unload that shit."

Ben snorted. "Brothers, man. Consider me your brother. God knows we're gonna need each other to put up with all the women around our house."

"We outnumber them," Jesse reminded them.

"But they're all so…"

"Amazing?" Jesse supplied.

"Larger than life," Ben finished.

Jesse thought of Hope. "Yes they are."

* * *

By the time they got to the bunker, Hope and Krissy had the door shut to the gym because they wanted to practice a bit, first. "Wanna go to the shooting range?" Ben offered.

Jesse shrugged. He wasn't familiar with guns, so any practice he could get would be beneficial. They spent a little time down there. Dean was working with them and despite whatever reservations he seemed to have for Jesse, he took his time explaining the weapons to him and what would kill what.

Sam came in shortly after that and the four enjoyed shooting. Jesse found he was a good shot, as good, if not better than Ben, actually, and he couldn't help crowing a bit as he pulled his target in. "Check that!"

"Show off," Ben grumbled.

"Awww, is big brover upset?" Jesse heard Hope taunt from the door. He turned to her and his mouth went dry. She had a sheen of sweat on her skin and the shorts and sports bra left nothing to the imagination. He tried to swallow and couldn't quite manage it. He felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest.

"Bite me, Hope," Ben snarled.

She snapped her teeth at him. "You ready for me to pound you into the ground, yet? Krissy took her beating like a champ. Now it's your turn."

"I kicked your ass, Hope," Krissy stated as she came in.

Hope grinned. "Okay. You got like, a couple of good licks in."

"I broke one of your ribs."

"I healed it."

"Smart ass."

The two girls shared a look and a grin. Then they turned to Ben. "Your turn, Ben." Hope winked at Jesse. "Come on, Turner, come watch your boy get the stuffing kicked out of him."

"We'll be there as soon as we finish stowing the weapons," Ben promised.

Jesse watched them walk back out before he finally managed to blink. He licked his lips and moved back to his gun to check the chambers before he walked over to the cabinet to put it back.

"So, you like Hope?" Dean asked him.

"She's, uh, she's nice. An angel doesn't have to be nice to a demon, even a half like me, but she is."

"Really? Nice? That's what you're going with?"

"Y-Yes, sir?"

"Really? 'Cause the way you were gawking, I'm surprised you noticed she even HAD a personality," Dean growled at him. "FYI," he added as he invaded Jesse's space, backing him against the wall. "NO. You can forget all about my daughter's…"

"Bobbies?" Ben supplied, giggling.

Sam must have quickly caught on to the fact Ben was trying to lighten the mood because he added, "Her Ta-Tas?"

"Hey! Quit nicknaming her…"

"Chesticles?" Tory chimed in as she walked into the room. It was evident she had at least overheard part of the conversation. They all looked over at her. "What? I'm as much of a guy as the rest of you. And despite the fact I'm with Cas, I'm still bisexual. I like looking at yabos. Don't judge."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Yeah? Well, you have no business looking at Hope either. One angel in your pocket is enough, Allard."

She looked surprised a moment before her own eyes narrowed. "We're talkin' about my baby girl? Aww hell no. Who I gotta kill, Dean? I love that girl as if she was my own, you know that! I've known that kid since she was little bitty thing. Nobody's messing with her on my watch!"

Jesse just put his head in his hands.

* * *

**August 31****st**

**Ryan POV **

Jesse stormed into the house a week after school started. "I can't believe you did that, Hope!"

"What?! A thank you would be nice!"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Ryan shouted as she put herself between the two of them. So far, they'd gotten along fine. This was a new occurrence. "What's going on?"

"I just did Jesse a favor and he didn't have the decency to thank me!"

"Who ASKED YOU TO!?" he shouted.

"Alright, neutral corners. Both of you!" Ryan yelled. "Living room. Now."

They eyed each other and stormed into the living room. He sank into the wing-back chair and she fell onto the sofa, crossing her arms in the process, a full pout on her face.

Ryan looked from one to the other of them before she shook her head. "Okay. What's up?"

"Hope broke some guy's leg!"

She gasped. "I did not! Well, okay, I did, but…"

"What?!" Ryan exclaimed. "Excuse me?"

Hope sighed. "Ethan Moore, the quarterback. I may have snapped his leg in practice so Jesse could be the new quarterback…"

Ryan blinked. "And, dare I ask why you would want to ruin a young football player's career?"

"Oh, please, he hates football. He's only living his dad's dream! So, I gave him a wish. I broke his leg, he won't be able to play all season and will be able to work on his art. He's a really gifted artist but he was afraid he would damage his hands too much to hold a brush."

Ryan's mouth fell open. "So, wait, you broke his leg and then, what? Decided Jesse would be the next quarterback?"

"No! Well, sort of. I mean, Jesse loves football! And this is a good chance for him to integrate. You know Ben will do baseball and track and I'm on the cheer squad and in the drama club and Kris is in drama with me and Claire and they're both involved in other stuff…you want us normal. So? This is normal."

"Not if I didn't earn it!" Jesse shouted.

"But you did! You kicked ass in that tryout, Jess! They only gave the QB position to Ethan because his dad is the mayor!"

"Aye, aye, aye," Ryan groaned as she put her head in her hand. They were involving the mayor's kid? Fabulous. "Fuck me sideways," she couldn't help but mutter. "Hope, you can't just go around…"

"He didn't want to play, Mom. This way, Jesse does, and Ethan can pursue his art. It's win-win!"

"Oh, and the fact you like Ethan has nothing to do with it?!" Jesse accused.

Hope blushed. "Ethan's sweet. He's not a jerk like some of the guys Claire hangs out with…"

Ryan blew out a breath. "I am so not ready to have a house full of teenagers." She glanced at Jesse. "Are you happy with this?"

"Not how it happened, but, yeah, I mean…quarterback? That's…kind of epic."

"I didn't know you liked football," Ryan commented.

He glared at Hope a minute but she wouldn't look at him. Her head suddenly popped up. "No, Jesse!" she stated all of a sudden. "I swear I didn't! I just…" she shrugged. "I don't know how I knew. I just did. You like football. It's one of the few things that made you happy when you were younger. You wanted to play in high school when you got bigger and then you had to run away and you didn't get the chance and…" That was when the waterworks started. "Please don't be mad at me. I can…I can fix it. I can…"

He leaned across the coffee table and grabbed her hand. "Hope. Stop. It's fine."

"I'm sorry," she said thickly through her tears. "I wanted to do something nice. You're fitting in so well with us and I just wanted…"

He gave her a soft smile. "Okay. It's good. Thank you."

She smiled. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "But now I don't know what the heck, dude. I'm on the football team. I'm like, popular now."

She giggled. "I wouldn't go that far…"

Ryan had been watching them carefully. She spoke up then. "So…you two are good?"

They looked at one another again and nodded. "Yeah. We're good."

Ryan blew out a breath. "Okay then. Go on, I'm sure you both have homework. Ben and Kris are both at work?" Ben had gotten a job at an auto body shop after school to pay for his car's repairs. They weren't letting him do a lot of the work on the cars, but he was proving he was pretty good under the hood so he was hoping to get his hands dirty soon.

"Yeah," Hope stated as she stood.

"Yes, ma'am," Jesse stated softly.

"Alright, well, congratulations, Jess. What's your favorite pie? I'll make a celebratory one."

"You will?" he asked, sounding surprised.

She nodded with a smile and ran a hand through his hair. He'd gotten it cut, but it was still a bit shaggy. He looked more like a carefree teenager now, as he should. She noticed he had also taken out most of his piercings. She assumed it was so he would fit in better. She'd heard the girls talking about how the girls at school were talking about the 'shy bad boy' that was a senior this year. Ben thought it was funny, but she noticed Jesse hadn't been exactly enjoying the attention. He was going to enjoy it even less, now that he was on the football team.

"Chocolate," he said finally. "Or, no, how about that peach cobbler you made that time? That was awesome."

She smiled and nodded. "Anything for one of my boys. Congratulations. It sounds like you earned it."

"He did, Mom!" Hope piped up.

Ryan's eyes narrowed on the girl. "You, sit. I'm not quite finished with you."

Hope's eyes grew round but she did as she was told and sat back down on the couch. Ryan looked at Jesse one more time. "Go on upstairs. I swear, she's not in trouble." At his raised eyebrows, she chuckled. "You looked like you were fixing to go to battle for her. I promise, she's not in trouble. I just want to talk to her."

He looked from one to the other a moment before he said, "Thanks, Hope, really."

She smiled a brilliant smile. "Anything for a friend, Jess."

They both watched him walk away a moment before Ryan sighed and sat next to her daughter. "Spill."

"Spill…what?"

Ryan thought a moment. "Something is up. I just don't know what."

Hope shrugged. "What? I like Jesse. I want him to fit in."

Ryan contemplated that before she nodded. "That's your story?"

"What? Gosh, Mom! What do you want me to say?"

"How about the fact you have a crush on him?"

Hope's mouth fell open. "I do not!"

Ryan closed one eye to look at her daughter. "Do you smell that?"

"What?"

"Bullshit. I smell bullshit."

Hope let out a growl and stood. "Mom! Come on! It would never work anyway!"

Ryan shrugged. "Stranger things, sugar."

Hope, who had been pacing for the past thirty seconds, stopped and looked at her. "No. It's not…I'm a…he's a…" She shook her head. "No, can't be. You wanted me to have a human experience in high school. I want the same thing for him."

"And poor Ethan?"

Hope smiled at that. "Well, he is cute. I'm going by his house to bring our calculus homework tomorrow."

Ryan was silent a moment before she said, "You have every bit of your father's charm, Hope. Make sure you use it wisely."

"What's that mean?"

Ryan stood and just like with Jesse, ran a hand through Hope's hair, stopping on her daughter's face. "Be careful with human emotions, angel-face. They're more fragile than the most delicate crystal."

"I will, Mom. I promise. Can I go now? I've got a Science test I have to study for."

Ryan watched her go and sighed. No, she was in no way ready for a house full of teenagers.

* * *

Later that night, everyone was getting ready to sit down to dinner. Ryan had made spaghetti and salad. With so many people now in the house, dinners had gotten interesting. Now, she fed the kids first, then usually got the boys to bed before the adults ate. It was a good chance for them all to unwind together, discuss cases, and occasionally, the teens decided to join them, but more often than not, had their own things going on. She had made a production of it, though, for Jesse's big break in football, taking care to leave Hope's part out of it. Dean had…issues with the fact Jesse and Hope even tolerated each other, something she felt sure she would have to deal with, down the road.

Dean had just returned from putting the little monsters to bed and sat down at the table just as Andy poured the wine. It wasn't something they usually drank, but Ryan felt like being a bit more sophisticated today and had picked up a bottle or two while she got the stuff to make her favorite bolognaise sauce.

"The hell is this?" Dean asked as he picked up his glass.

"It's wine, Dean," Ryan stated, the 'duh' all too apparent in her voice.

"Yeah, I know that. But…why?!"

She rolled her eyes. Sometimes, the man was more child than the children. "I don't know," she said on a shrug. "We're having Italian food; it seemed…" she blew out a breath. "Can we TRY to drink like adults for a change?"

Sam came in from outside just then. He'd been over at Tory's house, repairing…something. He was good at that kind of stuff, so he'd been helping while his and Andy's house was in limbo. Honestly, as much as she loved her brother and sister-in-law, she couldn't wait to get them out of the house. Their house was not meant for four adults, four teenagers, and two children. The chaos was slowly driving her mad.

"Cool!" Sam stated as he sat. "We're having wine? Awesome! I haven't had any since…"

"Since you gave up your man card?" Dean supplied.

"Ha, fucking ha, you dick," Sam growled. "Just try it, Dean. Don't be such a child."

Andy swirled the liquid in her glass. "Wine's really not half bad, Dean. Trust me. You'll like it."

He eyed the glass with trepidation. "Well, okay, if you say so…" He took a sip and looked surprised. "Damn. This is good. How much we got?"

Ryan barely held in a chuckle. "Well, since I know you. And I know Andy. And the two of you have never met an alcohol you didn't like, I got a buttload."

"Really?" Dean smirked. "And just how much is a 'buttload', smartass?"

"475 liters," Sam answered as he sprinkled cheese on his spaghetti. Everyone at the table stopped cold and looked at him like he had lobsters crawling out of his ears. "What?! A 'butt' is a medieval unit for measuring wine. Google it."

Dean shook his head as he stole the cheese from his brother. "That reminds me. I gotta refill your 'know it all' prescription."

Sam looked around at the two women. "Come on, guys. Seriously. I'm not the only one who went to college."

"No, I did, too," Andy agreed. "But even I didn't know that. And believe you me; I spent a lot of time drinking in college." She got a far off look on her face. "And I discussed medieval stuff, too. I dated this guy, Craig. Bit of a weirdo, but damn, the things he could do with his…" She blinked and realized everyone was looking at her now. She cleared her throat and took a generous swig of her wine.

Ryan shook her head. "Seriously, Sambo, I don't know how you know that. And I really don't want to."

Sam, obviously, couldn't give up and began explaining. "Those big wooden barrels? You fill one up, you technically have a 'buttload' of wine."

"Yeah, thanks, Sam. That…that totally makes things worse," Dean snorted, barely containing his laughter. "Really, don't you EVER consider locking that shit up from time to time?"

"Ever consider shutting your piehole?!" Sam shot back.

"Come on, you guys, let's not do this," Ryan pled. She just wanted to have one night of adult conversation. Clearly that would be impossible with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb sitting at her table.

Dean held up a hand to quiet her. "Wait. Just a second. Please, Sam, tell me there is a unit of measurement that can accurately tell me how much a 'piehole' can hold?" He seemed unable to contain himself as he laid his head down on his arm, shaking with laughter.

Ryan glared at Andy for help, and luckily the other woman said, "Okaaaaay, ya done now, Wyatt?"

Dean took a deep breath as he sat up, wiped the laughter tears from his face with the back of his hand and smiled. "Ahhh, yeah. Yeah, I'm done now." He raised his glass. 'Thanks, Sammy, I needed that."

"Happy to help, as always," Sam said through clenched teeth.

"Come on," Dean gave his glass a little shake. "Don't leave me hangin'."

Sam rolled his eyes and raised his glass. "Fine. Cheers, asshat."

Ryan groaned as Andy asked, "Is that a…?"

"NO! IT IS NOT A UNIT OF MEASUREMENT!"

Ryan downed her glass of wine and poured another.

* * *

AN2: You can thank Gina for that last scene. She wrote it. LOL. Hope you enjoyed! See you all soon with some doozies. For example?! Hope's first date!


	50. Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it. But I did dream I got to go to a con last night. So...silver lining? LOL**

**AN: Hi, all! Thank you SO much for all the love last chapter! You guys are in luck because I have bits and pieces and scenes of the next few chapters written already, so it's like putting together a puzzle. As soon as I complete each puzzle, I'll post! How does that sound? **

* * *

**September 12**

**Dean POV**

He walked outside as he heard the car doors slam. They were having a huge cookout, which, considering the fact so many people lived and hung out in the house, wasn't really saying much. Ryan thrived on it, though, the chaos, and Dean had found he liked the constant noise the place had. It made him appreciate the quiet times, like the hunt him and Ryan just came back from. A whole week without screaming (well, except for the banshee they ganked) and having Ryan's sexy body all to himself made him all the more relaxed as he smiled at the trio walking up.

Claire shot him a snarl. "Isn't he like, your pet angel? Can you tell him to stop?"

"I believe my singing is more than adequate, Claire," Cas piped up as he walked up the steps with a bowl full of something Tory had obviously made. "I sing on pitch and…"

"And hearing you croon 'Locked Out of Heaven' to Tory fifty billion times gets old, no matter how good your pipes are, Cas!"

Dean chortled. "Dude. Bruno Mars? I thought I taught you better than that."

The angel frowned at him and stopped as Claire stormed into the house. "Are these emotional outbursts normal?"

"Hormones, sweetheart," Tory told him as she patted his face on her way into the house. "They're called hormones, and yes, they are normal."

"And a bitch," Dean muttered under his breath.

"That too!" Tory shouted behind her. Dean and Cas exchanged a shrug and followed the girls into the house.

About an hour later, the adults were sitting around at the table, eating, while the kids played outside. Summer was just about at a close and the littlest ones were enjoying the sprinkler Dean had set up in the backyard. The teens were keeping their eyes on them, and Dean hated to admit, he was surprised at how well Claire took to the babies, Jon in particular.

They were currently talking about music, and the fact Andy had done the best thing probably in the history of ever and had bought her and Sam tickets to see Pearl Jam, Sam's favorite band in existence. The man fangirled worse than a tween at a Bieber concert over them. Dean just hoped he didn't pass out when he found out Andy had scored backstage passes from a friend of hers she'd saved during a hunt once. He was going to shit kittens when he realized he was going to meet the band. Dean hoped Andy got pictures.

"Yeah, I heard Cas was quite the Bruno Mars fan now," Dean commented as he picked up his beer, causing the group around the table to laugh.

"His music is not that bad, Dean. If you listened to it, I'm sure you would-"

Dean held up a hand. "Save it, Cas. We already know Tory's got your nuts in a vice. No need to prove the fact. I'm just glad you two aren't doing more bong hits and queueing up 'Dark Side of the Moon' more often than you do."

Tory shot him a glare. "I'm trying to go straighter, for the kid."

"Straighter than a squiggly line? Impressive."

"Fuck you," she muttered, but she was smiling as she said it.

He winked at her.

"Speaking of musicians I hate to admit I know, Ryan, have you seen Chad Kroeger lately? God help me. He's fucking hawt."

Dean's eyebrows rose at his sister in law. "Seriously? I thought you had taste!"

"I do," Andy replied around the lip of her beer bottle." Married your brother, remember, asshat?"

He rolled his eyes. "But the lead singer of Nickelback? I'm offended."

She shrugged and dragged three French fries through her ketchup. The woman's addiction to fried potatoes bordered on unhealthy, and he knew a few things about unhealthy addictions. "First off, I'll give you a pass as to why you even know who the fuck he is. Second, I seem to recall your lady love over there liking one of their songs."

He glanced at Ryan, who shrugged. "I can't help it. 'Far Away' is a good sappy song. It came out in 2006, so…" She shrugged and stood, taking her plate to the sink where she started washing one of the pots from dinner.

His brows furrowed. Andy and Tory exchanged a nod before Tory said, "Uh, Dean, Hope was born in November of 2005, remember? I'm guessing that first year alone was kinda tough. I met her shortly after that. Her life wasn't exactly easy right by herself."

He stood in a flash, his chair scraping as he did so. Ryan had walked out of the room when Tory opened her mouth. "Ry…" he began as he followed her down the hall toward the laundry room.

She turned and he hated seeing the tears in her eyes. "Sorry. I know, okay? It was wrong I lied to you all those years, Dean."

He shook his head. "You think I'm still pissed about that? Three kids and over a decade later? I thought you knew me better."

"I know, I just…" she shook her head and signed.

He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him for a hug. "I love you," he whispered in her ear. "And it took me a long time to grow up, okay? I can be pissed at you for a lot of things, Ryan. You piss me off once a day at least." That made her smile. "But I know why you did it. Hell, you'd have been right to have left as soon as Hope finished the transfusion turning me back human and I would never have known the kids. But I'm glad you gave me a chance."

Her hand went to his face. He'd noticed, whenever she needed to feel connected to him, it was always his face she touched first. He loved it. "I'm glad you gave _me _a chance, Dean. You didn't have to, but I'm glad you did."

"I love you, ya know," He told her.

She giggled as he nuzzled her neck. "I had no idea."

"Want me to show you?"

"Now? With the house full of people?"

"Yeah," he breathed onto her neck. "Now."

He pulled away to find her biting her lip, thinking. "Here?"

He glanced at the table. It wasn't exactly prime real estate, but it would do. "I could."

She giggled and grabbed his hand. She pulled him out of the laundry room and with a glance toward the kitchen, up the stairs.

He couldn't help the self-satisfied smirk as he followed her to their bedroom.

They stumbled all over each other, giggling and moaning as they tried to take each other's clothes off. "Oh, God," she whimpered as her hands tore at his hair and he bit her neck as he tried to get her shorts and underwear down around her legs. "We're crazy."

"Crazy for each other," he added before he hissed out a breath as she fisted him in his jeans.

"Fuck, Dean, we could get caught."

"Good. Adds to the excitement."

"You're guano," she commented softly only a moment before she had him, hot and hard in her hand.

His eyes rolled back in his head as he let her pump him a few times before he tossed her to the bed and covered her with his body. His hand dove to her to find her wet and ready and he smirked. "Looks like someone's horny."

"Fuck me," she demanded before she devoured his tongue.

He thrust, quickly connecting them. "God help me, so fucking good," he whimpered as his mouth traveled back to her neck and he moved, gently pushing in and out a few times to hit the best rhythm. He wasn't sure he would ever get enough of her. He rolled them so she was on top and he took his time raising her tank as she rocked on him. She was close, so close already. He ripped her shirt off with one hand as his thumb dove for her clit and she gasped out a breath as she stopped moving. He knew what that meant and he quickly moved her hips, bucking his own so she got the most out of her orgasm.

She fell lightly to him and he flipped them again as he maneuvered her so her head was at the headboard. She looked up at him and smiled softly. "I love you," she told him.

He smiled, too. "I know."

She smacked his chest and he laughed as he bent to kiss her. "I love you, too," he said into her lips. "How you want it, baby?"

She shivered slightly. "Your call. I'm just along for the ride."

He sat up on his heels and threw her legs over each of his, bending forward slightly and she let out a keening sound as he brushed her g-spot. He knew what he was doing and he knew how to play her body to get her the most pleasure. "Like that?" he murmured and she whimpered as his hands moved to her breasts. "Play with them for me," he asked lightly. He loved watching her use him for her own needs. And watching her play with herself? Fucking hot.

Her eyes opened to look at him before that secret smile returned and her hands began moving all over her body. He knew she was close again and so was he. But when her hand traveled to where they were connected, and he felt her fingernails scrape his length as he thrust, his eyes rolled back in his head once more as he grabbed her ankles and put them on his shoulders as he continued to pound into her. He grasped the headboard and held on for dear life as they drove each other over the edge of reason.

He blew out a breath as he fell onto his back. "Fucking hell. That was…"

"Thank you," she groaned. "God, I needed that."

He chuckled as he turned to kiss her breast. "Me too."

She let out a giggle. "We are terrible hosts."

"Ain't a damn adult down there wouldn't do the same thing if we were at their house."

She pondered that a moment. "True." She was quiet a moment more as they caught their breath. Then she said, "So, uh, not that I'm interested, but Tory said she wants to have a threesome."

His brain short circuited. "With you and me? Or you and Cas? Or me and Cas?" He shook his head. "Either way, NO."

She giggled again. "Not us and them, but she wants Cas to experience it, at least once."

"Okay, no offense, but the fact you two have talked about that, and probably Andy, too, creeps me the fuck out."

She smiled and leaned over to kiss him tenderly. "I don't share. Much. Often."

He shot her a look and she gave him a wicked grin. "I can't help it that I'm so completely satisfied in bed I have to tell everyone how happy you make me."

His eyes narrowed but he smiled. "Sure. Say that now, after I just fucked you during a dinner party."

Her smile was out in full force as she covered her body with his. "Well, yeah, but it's true, anyway. I never knew life could be this good and every time you touch me, I feel like the sexiest woman in the world."

"You are," he told her as he kissed her softly once more. "You definitely are."

She laid her head down on his chest a moment and sighed contentedly.

"Do you want that?" he asked suddenly. He wasn't exactly a novice in the threesome department, but he didn't like the thought of sharing her with another woman, much less, another man. No, he didn't really play well with others unless it was for his own pleasure, and he didn't even like the thoughts of that. Not with Ryan.

"No! You know how I feel about that, Dean," she told him.

He was quiet a moment. "Look, not that I'd want to, because, you're definitely everything I need, but if you…" He blew out a breath. "If you thought, like, for your own mental health and stuff, you wanted to try it…" This was killing him. His heart was screaming 'no' but his brain was yelling at him that maybe, just maybe, after only having sex with one man her whole life, she needed the adventure she didn't get to take in college. He would do anything for her, but this was one thing…

"Stop," she commanded lightly.

"Huh?"

She put her arm on his chest and rested her chin there. "No. Just…no, Dean. I'm not interested."

"Then why did you mention it?"

She shrugged. "I just…I would do anything for you. Now, I don't know if I'd bump uglies with Cas, or Tory, who's been after getting into my pants since she met me, but if you wanted…" She bit her lip. "I know you're…experienced, Dee. If that was something you'd want…"

He pulled her to him to kiss her. "You. Are. All. I. Need. You're all I need," he reiterated. "Just you, and me, and whatever flat surface I happen to sit your sexy little ass on at the time."

She smiled once more.

"I mean it. No. just…no, Ryan. Me and you in our bed is all I need."

"You're sure?"

He blew out another breath. "I've not been the greatest guy, Ryan. I've done a lot of shit I'm ashamed of and I've done some seriously questionable things because I was either in a drug or booze filled haze with chicks that would let me do pretty damn much anything I wanted. So, believe me when I say I'm good."

She seemed to ponder that a moment before she gave herself a little nod and laid her head back down on him.

They lay like that for as long as he thought they could before he asked, "So…we gotta go back downstairs or what?"

She groaned and lifted her head. "I guess we'd better clean up."

"Shower together?" he asked hopefully. At her look, he said, "What? I got all sweaty and I know you like to clean up the undercarriage after we have sex. Sounds like a winner to me."

She bit her damn lip again. _Fucking minx, _he thought, before she gave him a smirk. "As much as I'd love to say yes, I think a whore's bath is in requirement at the moment."

"Raincheck?" he was still being optimistic.

She kissed him one last time. "Absolutely."

* * *

**September 18**

**Ryan POV **

She was just finishing the potato salad for the tailgate party when she heard a flutter of wings. She wasn't sure why she was surprised when Gabriel let out a groan as he stumbled to a kitchen chair. "Gabriel! Are you alright?"

He blew out a breath. "Yeah, I'm good. Just tired."

"Dare I ask?"

"Besides managing Hell? I'm just exhausted. Angels shouldn't get tired, but between all the running around I've been doing lately…"

"You look like crap, bro," Hope stated as she walked into the room. Sometimes Ryan wondered how much the two angels communicated. Her daughter didn't seem surprised to see her adult younger brother sitting at their table.

"Love you, too, Hopey. How's kicks?"

"Great. Tonight is a home game."

He eyed her cheerleader uniform. "Still can't Dad let you out of the house looking like that."

"Bite me," she replied as she grabbed some orange juice. "Gotta go, Mom. I'm hitching a ride with Claire since Kris has a late class. I'll see you this afternoon."

Ryan watched her run out the door and sighed before she walked over and sat down next to her son. "You do look tired, sweetie. Want a break?"

"Yeah. I do. I left Hell's Bells in charge for a while. Between her and Meg, things are running smoothly enough. I just needed to come topside and…" he shook his head. "Can we talk?"

"Always," she stated as she reached over and grabbed his hand. He smiled and closed his eyes as she ran that hand lovingly up his arm.

"Where's Dad?"

"At Sam's house. With, well, with you, and Jon. They're putting up light fixtures and since there is very little furniture for the boys to break, well…"

He chortled. "Yeah, good thing." He was quiet a moment and Ryan let him sit there, his eyes closed. She stood and walked over to make him a glass of chocolate milk. Even as an adult, he liked it, she felt sure. She also snagged a piece of chocolate pie leftover in the fridge before she returned and sat them in front of him.

His eyes opened and he looked at the plate before him in surprise. "Can I just have you with me all the time?" he asked softly. "Thanks."

She smiled and sat back down. With him looking like an adult, even one that looked like Dean, it was easier for her to see him as the angel that had been her friend, her confidant, who had taken up residence within her, once upon a time. She was quiet as he ate and when there wasn't a spare crumb left on the plate, she asked, "So…what's up?"

He sighed. "A witch. More specifically, a witch named Rowena."

She recalled the name, but not much else associated with her. "Should we be worried?"

He shook his head. "I've got Meg keeping tabs on you guys on occasion. From what I hear, she and Cas have been talking, so they're keeping things safe. But this witch…she's over 300 years old and she's wiley."

"But you're an angel. Can't you just…?"

He shook his head. "She's smart. She had an angel lover once upon a time, learned a few moves from them. I've known of her for a long time but she hadn't caused issues until recently."

"Why is that?"

His mouth set. "Because she realized Crowley is her son."

Ryan had her coffee cup halfway to her lips but set it back down. "Crowley?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Luckily I have all my memories from the previous timelines, but she's…she's changed tack. She's not acting like she did last time, and that worries me."

"Worries you, how?"

He shook his head. "Well, it turns out she's smarter than I gave her credit for. She knows something from one of the other alternate timelines, too, and as such, she's gotten her hands on something potentially very dangerous."

Ryan was quiet a moment as two words penetrated her mind. "Alternate timelines? How many?"

He winced.

"Gabriel…" she warned.

He sighed. "This one, and the one I gave you memories of, they're not the only times I've had to fix things. I think this one will work, but…"

"Gabriel," she sighed. "What have you done?"

"What I had to, damn it!" he exclaimed. "Do you know how hard it is being the only one who can fix everything?" He ran his hands through his hair then wiped his mouth, reminiscent of his human father. "Hell, Mom, the things I've had to do, what I've seen, what I've fixed…"

"For who?"

"You. Hope. Dad. Sam. Everyone. This…" he blew out a breath. "This is the best happily ever after everyone is going to get and I just…"

Her heart clenched as she reached over and grabbed his hands. "You're doing great, baby. I know that."

He sighed. "Some days, it doesn't feel like it." He shook his head then smiled at her. "I should do this more often. I don't think anyone has as much faith in me as you do. God included."

"You've never given me reason to doubt you, Gabriel. I trust you implicitly. Why else would I have said yes to you all those years ago?"

"Because you're a glutton for punishment?" he offered.

She smiled. "That too." She leaned back and sipped her coffee. "So, what? You want us to off Rowena? Take her off the playing field?"

He shook his head. "No. What she has? It's a book. A very powerful, very fucked up spell book. One not many people can read. Spells of this magnitude take a powerful witch, indeed. But if I could get my hands on it, and on a way to decipher it, she could be of use to us."

"How?" she asked as she sipped the coffee.

"By opening the cage door."

Ryan choked on her drink. She coughed and he jumped up to pat her back delicately as she regained her ability to breathe. "Come again?" she managed. "You want to do what?!"

His nose wrinkled. "I don't want to let Lucifer out! I swear! But Michael…it's not fair to him. If I can just get him out of the cage, he can go upstairs, help Cas and Hope and…"

"Is…Gabriel, is that wise? I mean, he's been stuck down there with only Lucifer as his buddy for decades now! A century or so Hell-time! Do you think he's…stable enough?"

"He will be if I get him out and cram him into a human body."

Her jaw set. "You want to do what you did with you and Hope. Put him in a human baby, force him to grow up human, don't you?"

He nodded. "That's exactly what I want him to do."

"And how do you pretend to do that?"

"It's fairly easy. Insert Tab A into Slot B, boom, nine months later, you get a baby."

She leaned back again and crossed her arms. "And who is going to be the willing parents of this child? Dean will never say yes and, I'm sorry, but the baby factory here is closed. You can't ask Sam and Andy. And Cas is an angel anyway."

"There's ways around the Nephilim issue," he stated. "However, Winchester blood is definitely the best…" He sighed. "I just…if I could just get him back upstairs, then Hope…"

Her heart clenched. "What happens to Hope?"

"Nothing! I mean, she's fine, on the other side. I just…I feel bad. I gave her a bad deal, too, just like I screwed you over and…"

Again, she reached for his hand. "You didn't give me a bad deal, Gabriel. I never thought I'd live this long, much less be happy with kids and a husband. My life is great and it's all because of you."

"Not in the other timelines," he stated on a pout.

"But you fixed them, just like you fixed me." She was quiet a moment as she pondered over his desire to save Michael. He reminded her a bit of Sam in that moment. She gave him a glum smile. "I get it. About Michael, I mean. He's your big brother, and as a big brother yourself, you want to save him. But sometimes, sweetheart, people, angels included, can't be saved."

He sighed and stood. "You're right. You're always right."

She shrugged. "Not really. But in this case…the treatment may be far worse than the cure. Contemplate that, please? And if you're still serious about this Rowena business and opening the cage, for Heaven's sake, ask for help. Your human family is here for you. The angels in the family, too. We can help, you know. A few of us have real life understanding of apocalyptic experiences."

He smiled and bent to kiss her cheek. "Thank you," he whispered against her skin. "Thank you for always believing in me."

"I love you. You're my son. But you're more than that. You're my guardian angel, Gabriel. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you, either. Remember that."

He smiled. "I'll see you soon."

"You poofing out of here?"

He glanced at the door. "Nah, I think I'll take a walk."

She nodded as she, too, stood. "Good deal. Love ya, buddy."

He smiled. "I haven't been called 'Buddy' in a long time."

She winked. "You know us Winchesters. Nicknames stick."

"Yes they do," he stated. "Good or bad."

* * *

**Gabriel POV**

The mind currently screaming at him made him walk out onto the porch where Krissy was waiting. "Kris."

"Gabriel."

He smiled. "So, not that I mind, but you were screaming at me so loud in your head, I have a headache."

"Oops. Sorry. I just…didn't want to miss you."

His eyebrow popped as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a Tootsie Pop. "You want?"

She nodded and he handed her one before he snagged one for himself. "So, what's up?"

"I overheard you in there, talking about Michael."

"Yeah? And?"

"You think he could save Hope somehow?"

"She's not in trouble," he reminded her.

She shook her head. "I know that. Hope is my best friend. I love her like a sister. If I could do something for her, I would."

"Like…?"

She swallowed hard. "Like be Michael's mom."

His eyes widened. "Whoa. Wait. Hold up. What?"

She shrugged. "I'm young. I'm healthy. I'm a hunter. I can do like Ryan did…"

He held up both hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Guess what? It takes two to make a baby. Who exactly is going to be the Winchester baby daddy here?" She looked at him pointedly for a moment and his eyes grew wider still. "Nuh-uh. No way in Heaven or Hell, sister, I don't care if you were my first wet dream."

"What?" she began but he was off and running.

"Nope, not gonna happen. I don't need to survive being shivved by Lucifer to have Ben Fucking Winchester gank me because I'm macking on his girl…"

She snorted. "Please, like Ben gives two shits about me, fucking everything that stands still."

"He's his father's," Gabriel began.

"And that makes it okay?!"

"No. Of course not! But it does explain a few things…"

She blew out a breath and ran a hand through her hair. "Look, I'm almost done with this year, but I don't need it. I can't…I don't know how much longer I can stand being near Ben but not being with him. So, figure out this Michael thing, preggo my eggo, and let me get the hell out of here."

He gazed at her a moment. She was so beautiful, so awesome, and he wanted to strangle Ben in that moment. "No, Krissy. I can't."

"Why?!" she cried.

He grabbed her and pulled her to him for a hug. "Because I can't do that to Ben."

She shoved him away. "Brotherhood is that strong, huh? Well it sucks ass!"

He chortled. "It does. But I can't."

"If there's no other way…"

"If there is no other way," he conceded, because he really did want this ace in the hole. "I'll do it. But if there is, then by God, I'm going to find it."

* * *

**Dean POV**

**That same night…**

"Go! Go! Go! Run, Jesse!" Ryan shouted as they watched him run in a touchdown. "YES!" their whole row shouted. "GO BRONCOS!" Everyone was there to watch the boy, and Dean hated to admit, the kid was a good football player. "Wow! What a rush!" Ryan crowed as she handed Bobby, who was perched on Dean's shoulders, the bottle of water in her hand.

Dean's keen eyes picked his daughter out of the lineup of cheerleaders before his gaze shifted to his wife. "You know, you'd look cute in one of those cheerleader uniforms…"

She chortled and accepted Jon back from Sam. "Don't try it," she warned with a shake of her head. "Thanks, Sam. You and Andy coming for breakfast in the morning?" They were officially staying in their house, but so far, they only had the bed from Sam's basement room. That meant they still came over to Ryan and Dean's for meals, more often than not. That part didn't bother Dean. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how well he would do if he didn't see Sam every damn day.

"Yeah, you coming over to paint tomorrow afternoon?" Andy inquired as she cleaned up the trash from the snacks everyone had consumed during the game and picked up her purse. The guys were handling the little boys the next day while the older boys and girls helped paint a few rooms in the house. It worked out well because Ryan had told Dean time and again, he wasn't a painter. He wasn't offended.

Ryan nodded. "Just come on over whenever you get up. I'm sure monsters one and two will have us up." She glanced down at Jon, who hadn't stirred as he was passed from his uncle to his mother. He was dead to the world. "Well, he may sleep in. This is late for him."

Dean snorted. "You know he'll be put before the fucking sun, along with Loki up here." Bobby giggled as Dean reached up to tickle him.

"Daddy! Stop! No tickles!"

"Sorry, dude, the tickle monster is out and he's hungry for little boys!"

Sam smiled over at them and said, "See you guys in the morning." He hooked his arm around Andy's shoulders and headed down the steps.

Dean and Ryan waited for Ben and Krissy, who were talking with another student before they joined Claire at the bottom of the steps. Claire was in band and was knocking it out of the park with a tuba almost as big as she was. By the time they met up with Jesse and Hope, most of the parking lot was empty.

"Good game, Jesse," Dean stated, earning a look of surprise from the boy. Dean frowned. Maybe he was being too hard on the kid. There was no holding back the fact he didn't trust him. Only time would help him with that.

"Thank you, Dean," he stated softly. The kid was quiet, that much was for sure. He talked to Ryan, and Ben, Dean assumed, but he didn't say as much as 'boo' when Dean was in his presence.

Just then, they heard shouting at the other end of the parking lot. As they drew closer, the voices sounded familiar. Sam. And Andy. And they were letting each other have it.

"Go fuck yourself, Sam!" she shouted.

"Get in the fucking car, Andy, or I swear to God…"

Dean exchanged a look with Ryan, and Krissy, who handed over her jeep keys. "Go get her, Dean, before they say something they'll regret. I'll help Ryan get home."

"Us too," Ben stated.

Dean jogged over just as Andy was about to slap the everloving shit out of Sam. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't make me pull out my fake FBI badge for a domestic dispute."

"Stay out of this, Dean," Sam warned.

Dean's eyes popped. "Wow. Got some Ike Turner issues going on there, do ya Sam?" He glanced at Andy, who looked like she was about to drop she was trying so hard to hold in the tears. Dean loved his brother, but at this moment, he had the feeling Sam was the one being the dick, not Andy, so he said, "Come on, Doc, let's go cool off a bit, yeah?"

"Sure! Go on and go drown your sorrows in a bottle, Andy! Sweep it under the fucking rug as usual!"

Dean's protective instincts kicked in then and he pointed at Sam. "Look, I don't care what she did, I don't care how she pissed in your cornflakes, you don't talk to her like that. Lock up your shit, cool down, and when I think she's ready to hear what you're sayin'? I'll bring her back to you."

Dean wrapped an arm around her and led her to the passenger side of Krissy's jeep. She got in without as much as a word, and that scared him more than he wanted to admit as he walked around to the driver's side. He got in and groaned, "Shit. Fucking munchins driving cars." He adjusted the seat so his rib cage was no longer in the steering wheel and cranked the vehicle. He drove past Ryan, who was just getting into the expedition and he mimed a phone with his hand. "Call Sam," he mouthed before he drove off.

He pondered where to go, then just decided to hell with it and drove them to Brother's. Andy didn't speak the whole ride there, and when he pulled up to the curb, she got out and walked in without a word.

He closed his eyes a moment, sent up a prayer he could help fix this shit, then walked in.

"Dean," Gina said as she glanced up from the table she was wiping down.

"Your boy kicked ass out there tonight," he told her. Her son was a tight end on the team with Jesse.

"Yours too," she commented. "I heard Turner was practically family with ya'll now. Seems like a sweet kid from what I've heard."

Dean nodded then glanced at Andy, who had made her way to a booth. "Listen, bring us some shots, okay? And keep them coming."

She glanced at the sad woman in the booth. "Do I wanna know?"

"She and Sam had a fight."

"That bad?"

"Bad enough to embarrass anyone at the football game who overheard them? Yeah."

Gina winced. "I'll keep the tab open. But you've gotta drive her home," she reminded him.

He nodded. "Bring me a beer with a whiskey chaser, then I'll be good."

She eyed him.

"Oh, and a big fucking basket of fries. And a brand new bottle of ketchup."

Gina smiled at him. "You're a decent human being, Dean."

"Keep that shit under wraps, will ya?"

She chuckled and nodded. "Yeah. I'll be right out."

He walked over and dropped into the booth next to Andy. "So…wanna talk about it?"

"No."

He nodded and kept quiet until Gina returned with a tray full of shots and his beer. "Fries will be out in five," she commented.

He watched as Andy downed one, two, three shots, burped, and sighed as she laid her head on his shoulder. "I love him and I hate him."

"Welcome to marriage."

She sat up and this time, stole his beer, sipping it thoughtfully. "I just don't get it. Isn't what we have enough? I mean, we don't even have any furniture and he's already…" She trailed off and let out a hiccup, a sure sign tears and more cursing was on the way. He was onto her. The two of them had a mode of communication not many people could say they shared. They were a lot alike, and that leant to a lot of silent discussion.

"This the kid thing again?" he prodded gently. He knew she wanted kids, knew Sam wanted kids. The problem was, Sam wanted them, pronto, and Andy wanted to wait. Hell, they were both pretty damn young. It wasn't like they were staring down the barrel of forty like him and Ryan were. Shit. That made him feel old. He stole one of her shots and downed it as well. He'd order a burger later to combat the booze.

"Yeah, it is. We just…we'd had a nice night and then he just…I don't blame Ryan, I mean, I would get tired of holding Jon, too, but I swear, it's like, every time he holds Bobby or Jon it just makes him want one more and I just don't know how much more I can take!"

Dean decided to play devil's advocate. "So…okay, let's say it happens. With me, well, I shot a few through past the goalie. Case in point? Ben. And Emma." It was getting easier to talk about the daughter he had in Purgatory. From the few conversations he'd had with grown Gabriel, the boy had assured him she was okay and he would get to see her someday. He couldn't let her out, that would more than likely be a mistake. But he could still miss yet another opportunity to be a father.

"And…?"

He shrugged. "Say it happened. How would you feel?"

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed!" she offered hotly. "But, damn it, I'm not inclined to just roll over and take the fucking, either! I mean, I've got hunts I want to do yet! I've got booze to swill and debauchery to get up to with him! I mean, sure, we've christened every room of the house, but there isn't any furniture yet! I'd love to do it on the couch and the guest beds and the…"

He held up a hand. "Spare me the mental imagery. I'm already wishing I could stab my inner eye with an ice pick."

That got a small smile out of her before she sighed. "I just don't know why he's so adamant about it having it happen _now._"

He thought over that one a moment. "Have you ever thought, you know, about asking _him _that question?"

She shook her head and rolled her eyes before she downed another shot. Gina chose that moment to return with a fresh round of drinks along with the fries and ketchup. "Thanks, G," Andy stated softly as she picked up a fry, stuffing it into her mouth.

Gina smiled softly. "My pleasure. Let me know if you guys need anything else."

Dean nodded at her before he asked, "Well?"

Andy sighed. "Every time I tell him we have time, all he says is 'What happens when our time runs out?' like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop!"

Dean gave his head a little bob. "Well, he's got a point."

"Leave it to you to take his side!" she exclaimed hotly.

He held up both hands. "Not what I'm saying, Andy. Look at facts. Any damn time me or him get something good in our lives? It turns to shit faster than you can blink. Can you honestly blame him for wanting to cram a happily ever after into the few minutes he's got to be happy? Think about it. You're a hunter. Granted, you're a kick ass one, I should know, I've seen it." They had gone as a four-some on a hunt not terribly long ago. He'd seen how her and Ryan worked together and it was just as well choreographed as his and Sam's hunts. "But the fact remains, your job is fucking dangerous, just like mine, just like his, just like Ryan's. It's the same job. He's afraid to lose you."

"By being a dick to me?"

That one, he didn't have an answer for. "He's a lot like me. A lot like Dad. We're…obsessive."

She blew out a breath. "Look, I've read the Supernatural books. I know what happened with your mom. Sam and I have talked about it. He and I have had an in depth discussion about Jessica and what could happen to us at any given time. But he's gotta understand I'm not ready for a baby."

"And if you got knocked up?"

She downed another shot then reflected in the empty glass. "If I did, I did. I'd love it, of course. It would be part Sam and part me. But can't he get it through that thick Winchester skull that I'm not ready?"

He sighed as he heard the door open. He frowned when he saw Sam and Ryan walk in. "Sit here."

She glanced up and her eyes widened. "Dean, I can't. Not now…"

He nodded. "I know. Give me five." He stood and cut them off before they even got halfway across the room. "No, Sam."

"Dean, that's my wife."

"You mean the one you just verbally abused in the parking lot of the high school? Well paint my ass yellow and call me a canary, I had no idea."

"Fuck off, Dean. I need to talk to her."

"And I say you don't. Not yet." He side-eyed Ryan. "How did you wind up here?"

"I told him to come to the house. I couldn't…" she sighed. "He wouldn't calm down enough for me to tell him to go home. It was either jump in the car with him, or let him kill himself getting here. I've been trying to talk him down the whole ride over."

"Guess we were too easy to find, huh?"

"Best watering hole around? Yeah, it was an easy bet where you'd be," she told him.

He frowned but still held fast to Sam. "No, Sam, not yet. She's hurting."

"And I'm not?"

"She's not the one acting like a jackass. You are."

"You don't know anything, Dean!" he shouted.

"Whoa, you guys going to cause trouble in here or what?" Gina asked as she stepped closer. "Don't make me get Lucille from behind the bar."

Dean had heard stories of her using the bat she named after Negan's from The Walking Dead. He barely held in a shiver. "Not on me, but if he doesn't cool his heels, I'd be glad for you to knock the big moose out."

"Damn you," Sam seethed.

"GO HOME," Dean commanded. "Drop my wife off at our house and cool down. Let me handle Andy. She's delicate right now."

Sam snorted, causing Dean to narrow his eyes. "Look, you might think she's tough as fucking nails, and usually, I'd agree with you. But what you two are arguing about? It's tearing her up, too, okay? So go home, sit on your ass, and think about how not to be a dick to the best thing that ever happened to you and I'll bring her home, later!"

Sam took a step back in surprise and blinked. "She…she TOLD you?!"

"Andy and I got our own way of doing things, Sam. Damn right she told me. And it seems to me you're being unreasonable."

"I'M BEING UNREASONABLE?!"

"Cool it, bitch. Don't make me drop you like a bad fucking habit. I'll let Gina over there play piñata with your skull."

Ryan grabbed Sam's arm. "Come on, Sam. This is one instance you've got to trust Dean."

"She's MY wife!"

"Not arguing that, slugger," Dean conceded. "But at the moment? You're hurtin' her more than you're helping." He paused, then changed tack. "Look, you know how you helped me and Ryan all those times? Well, for once in your life, let me be the grown up. I'm an objective outsider. I'll get her calmed down."

"And around to my way of thinking?"

Dean frowned. "You're wrong about this, little brother. And you continue to push her on it? You're gonna push her right out the fucking door. Go. Home."

Sam seemed to consider what he was saying and with a sigh, he nodded. "Okay. Fine." He turned and walked out into the night.

Dean and Ryan exchanged a glance before she shook her head and followed Sam back out the door.

Dean blew out an exhausted breath. Being an adult sucked ass. Big time. "Gina! I'mma need more booze and a burger!"

"Coming up!" she called as he walked back over to Andy.

He parked his ass and looked at the woman he now considered his sister. "Wow. So, that happened…"

She was quiet for a long time before she asked, "Did we make a mistake?"

"You and Sammy? Hell no. You're just arguing. Fuck's sake, have you _seen _me and Ryan argue?"

"Sometimes I swear I'll walk in and find you both covered in each other's blood where you've killed one another."

He chuckled flatly at that. "Sometimes I think the same thing." He handed her another drink. "Drink up, Doc. Me and you'll just cool our heels here for a bit." He glanced over at the pool tables. "You any good at pool?"

"Good enough to win a few Benjamins off you, Wyatt," she commented before she downed another shot.

He smiled. "Alright then. Let's see what kind of trouble we can get into."

* * *

He made it home a few hours later, carrying Andy in the door. "You didn't take her home?!" Ryan hissed as she opened the door.

"You think Sam would appreciate me bringing her home three sheets to the wind and still fucking upset? Nope. I brought her here."

"Well…what are we going to do with her? We don't have another bed."

He thought a moment. "She can sleep with you. I'll take the couch."

"What are they arguing over? Sam clammed up, told me it was none of our business." Dean's eyebrow popped. "What?" she stated. "I'm worried. This isn't like them."

He carried his load up the steps and dumped her on his side of the bed. "He wants kids, like, yesterday."

"Oh no…"

He nodded. "Yeah, and she does, but not until like, tomorrow, you know?"

She nodded. "Of course. She is like you."

He wouldn't dwell on the shot, he felt sure Ryan didn't mean it like it sounded. "Yeah, well, anyway, she's not ready and he's pushing and you know how me nor her like to be pushed, so…"

Ryan nodded. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'll go over first thing."

"Did he go home?"

She nodded. "I checked his GPS. He's at home, probably wondering where the hell you two are."

Dean groaned, the headache behind his eyes getting worse. "Call him. I can't…I can't deal with him right now."

She nodded. "I will. We can help them."

Dean knew they could, but right now, he was so damn tired. "Tomorrow. This little sprite can hold her liquor, let me tell you."

Ryan snorted. "Tell me something I don't know." She ran a hand down his arm. "You're an awesome friend, you know that?"

He looked down at the woman passed out on their bed. "Yeah? Sometimes I don't feel like it."

* * *

**Andy POV **

**The next morning…**

"Rise and shine, Princess," she heard, waking her.

She groaned. "Fuck off…Dean?" She glanced around the room. She was in his and Ryan's bedroom. A quick glance down at herself showed she was wearing one of his tee shirts and her underwear. And that was it. She pulled the covers over her head. "Please don't tell me I fucked up so brilliantly I had sex with _you_."

He snorted. "Don't flatter yourself. Even if someone _could _sway me away from the sweetest piece of ass I've had the pleasure of having, and marrying, it sure as hell wouldn't be you."

She pulled the covers down, just a bit. "Thanks?"

His smiling face filled her vision and her lip curled. "Get away from me." He held up a mug and it wafted in her direction. The smell was Heaven. "Coffee?" she asked on a whimper.

"Yep. Strong as ten ox and as black as my soul," he told her.

"Gimme."

He handed her the cup and said, "Scoot over, shorty."

She moved over a bit and he sat next to her on the bed as she sipped the liquid gold. "You make the best fucking coffee," she murmured.

His eyebrow rose. "Flattery? Clearly you really _don't _want to go home."

She sighed and glanced down at her cup. She wasn't proud of how she acted the night before, but then, Sam shouldn't be, either. She swallowed as she felt the tears threatening. She wasn't this girl. She didn't cry all over everything.

He sighed and put his arm around her, pulling her to him. "Damn, Doc, you two are so fucking stubborn, the both of you. I swear, it's a sad day when me and Ryan are the poster children for healthy relationships."

"But…but you are!" she exclaimed as the tears began. "You and Ryan fuss and fight but then you make up so loud you wake the fucking neighborhood! And you're so damn sweet to each other, always doing shit for one another and…"

"And we've had a little time to perfect it," he reminded her. He sighed. "Look, me and Ryan? We been doing this song and dance for a long ass time. I almost lost her because I couldn't open up. You? Damn, Andy, do you know how fucking brave you are? You just…leapt. You and Sam went and got hitched, damn the consequences!"

"But…don't you see, Dean? How stupid that was? Seriously! We don't…we can't…" She swallowed hard. "What if we aren't really compatible?" she whispered.

"Is this really something you're worried about? You have one damn fight…"

"We can't STOP fighting about it!"

"Because you're both stubborn assholes."

"Takes one to know one," she replied glumly.

He chuckled. "Yeah, ain't that one the truth?" He took in a slow breath before he let it out. "This will work itself out, but you gotta stop talking by shouting. Sometimes it does pay to be rational. Which, yeah, I know sounds weird coming from me, but still…"

She leaned into him. "I don't wanna deal with this."

"Too bad, princess. He's downstairs."

She groaned.

He side-arm hugged her. "Look, if it makes you feel better, by the time I got home, told Ryan everything, she got pissed the fuck off and went over there then continued to berate his ass six ways from Sunday. Most of the night. So, you know, there's that. And let's be honest, you got Ryan Fawcett Winchester in your corner? You're golden."

When she didn't answer, he asked, "Is-Are…" he snapped his mouth shut and blew out another breath, causing her to look at him, really look him in the eye. "Were you scared of him last night? Because Krissy and Ryan, even Hope was a little worried for you."

She thought a moment. "No. Never. Hell, Dean, if you don't scare me blowing as much smoke at me as you do, what would make you think I'd be scared of _him_?"

"Because…" He sighed. "Because I _did _hurt Ryan once. And I know he had a few beers at the game, not enough to make him drunk, but…our Dad was a mean drunk, Andy. And I don't want to be like that. And I'm not. That's why I'm not drinking as much. But Sam's even more like Dad than I was and I don't want…" He stopped and cleared his throat. "I'll end him before I let him hurt you, Andy."

Her eyes widened. "God, Dean! He didn't touch me, I swear!"

"And he'd better not."

They were both quiet for a few moments before she said, "You know, I talked to Ryan about that."

"What?"

"Whatever it is that gives you that haunted look in your eyes whenever she's got a bruise on her skin."

"Andy…"

"Let me finish," she commanded softly. He stared at her stonily. "I asked her how she could trust you again after that. Know what she said?"

He shook his head.

"She said she had to believe if it was Heaven that brought you together, it would see you through it to the other side. And if it was Hell, then she'd kill you both."

He was quiet a moment. "You believe her?"

"Believe that she'd kill you before she let you hurt her again? Yeah. I damn sure do."

"And from this, what do you take away from it?"

She sighed again. "I'm not that strong, Dean. If…if this continues, if I can't make him see, or if I can't move past it, I can't…" she shook her head. She couldn't feel like she did the night before. She was hurt, yes, but it was because he refused to see her side of it. She wasn't sure what it was about him that made him want this, right now. She knew Dean was right when he told her how they didn't have happiness for very long, but she couldn't just roll over and become someone she wasn't ready to become. Not yet. "If we can't move past this, and I'm hurting him more than making him happy, I'm tapping out. I'm gone. I can't…I'd rather he get over me and move on with someone else than perpetually make him miserable."

"You won't," Dean stated confidently.

She wasn't so sure.

"He's downstairs," he reminded her. "He brought you a change of clothes. Me and Ryan are going over to your house to work on a few things. The teens took the boys to the park. You've got the house to yourself. Don't, ah, don't desecrate anything, but, hell, do what ya gotta do."

"Sex doesn't fix everything," she reminded him sadly.

"No, it doesn't. But sometimes you need to hit that carnal connection to realize what ya got." He kissed her temple then stood. "Take your time. You know the shower pressure rocks in my house.."

She offered him a half smile as she watched him walk out the door. She finished drinking the coffee he brought her before she slowly stood and walked to the bathroom. Her clothes were lying next to the sink. She turned on the water as hot as it would go and all but drown herself under the scorching spray. When she finally emerged, the whole bathroom was a fog of steam. She dressed slowly before she grabbed one of Ryan's hair ties and braided her hair in a plait down her back. Finally, when she couldn't put it off any longer, she emerged and walked down the stairs.

She knew where he was without even looking. She could sense his presence, it seemed. He was wearing a path in the kitchen, pacing back and forth, back and forth. She watched him for a moment from the doorway. He was always so beautiful. Lithe, like a jungle cat. Where Dean was more like a bear, or perhaps a bull in a china shop, Sam had this elegance, this…grace to him in his movements. His hair was a little long, she really did need to talk him into trimming it, but it touched his shoulder just so and she had never been more jealous of a shoulder in her life. He was beautiful. And he was hers. She just had to figure out how to keep him while still keeping herself in the process.

He stopped then and looked up. He let out a sound in the back of his throat, almost like a whine. He made to move toward her and stopped dead. "Andy…" her name was almost a plea coming from his very soul.

She tried to swallow the tears but she couldn't. "Sam."

"I'm so sorry," he began but she held up a hand.

"No, Sam. Just…let me get this out." She sucked in a breath. "I am trying to understand. Dean reminded me, you two haven't had much happiness in your life. I'm trying to understand that. But I'm not ready. I'm not ready to have a baby. I'm not ready to give up _me._"

"Do you think that is all there is? Give up you to be a mother?"

She shrugged. "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I know is Ryan, while she's awesome, is a mother first. I'm a hunter first."

"I'd rather like to think you're a wife first," he stated.

She ground her teeth so she didn't argue. Not yet. She took another breath. "Maybe I can be both simultaneously. I just know, for right now, I can't be anything else. In the future? Yeah. I know. I can do it. I want to. Just. Not. Fucking. Yet."

He hung his head a moment before he lifted it to look at her. "I'm an idiot, Andy. Ryan threatened to 'jerk a knot in my ass' and then she did that very thing. I was an asshole to you and I was wrong and I know I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But holding Jon, showing Bobby something…I want that to be our kids. I want that to be _us_."

"And you think I don't? Sam, I want it, too! I swear I do! I just don't know why you think it has to happen today. Why can't it be a few months from now, a few _years_ from now?"

"Years?!"

"MAYBE!" she shouted. She took another breath. "Maybe it will be. Hell, Sam, we don't even know if my plumbing works! What if…what if we _can't _have kids?!"

"But Gabriel…" he began.

She shook her head. "This time it is different. Who knows? Maybe we won't have kids. Will you hate that? Will you resent me if I can't give you the two point five kids and the three dogs? Maybe all I can give you is the three dogs. Will you resent me for that?"

"No! Of course not! We can adopt, we can…look at Ryan and Dean. How many kids they got that aren't even theirs! Of course I won't resent you, Andrea."

"Are you sure? Really fucking sure, Sam? Because I've got to tell you, the way you've been acting about this? Leads me to believe I'm going to be given an ultimatum at some point, and I do not do well with those."

At that, he snorted. "Of course not. You're Dean in a skirt!"

That put her back up. "You know what? I'm about sick and fucking tired of that shit, too. You think I don't know I'm a lot like him?! I get it, okay? You and Ryan stand there so fucking proud of yourselves because you're both good at mature conversation. Well let me tell you one damn thing, the two of you are way more fucked up than Dean or I ever will be! The two of you are so batshit crazy about half the damn time with all your hippie-dippy feelings and your fucking Lucifer issues and all that other shit! And you know what?! Dean and I still love the both of you and we don't hold it over your heads you're alike! I expect the same damn courtesy! I'm emotionally stunted. Sue me. I've never been touchy-feely, no need to start now. I love passionately and exclusively and I love _you, _you jackass."

"You finished?"

"I don't know! Maybe."

They stood there staring at one another before a smile broke out on his face. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"You have a funny way of showing it," she reminded him.

"I know. I'm…trying. But for all the damn 'normal' relationships I've had, which are precious few, I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing as a husband, okay? So I'd appreciate a little slack, too."

She swallowed hard. "I'd be willing to cut you some if you do the same."

He nodded. "I can do that."

"And quit comparing me to him. It freaks me out enough as it is how much you and Ryan are alike, I don't need the reminder about me and Dean."

He nodded again. "Alright."

"And this whole baby thing…Sam, I'm scared, okay?" She knew she was going to have to open up a little bit, so, she took a leap of faith, and did. "My family looked pretty damn normal on the outside, but we weren't. I mean, Daddy didn't touch me in my no-no spots or anything, but we weren't exactly the nuclear family, you know? So sue me for not having as much faith in me, in you, in _us _as you do."

"You think I'm not terrified of that, too? Terrified I'll turn out like Dad? God, Andy, last night when I realized what I'd said to you, how I probably made you feel…then when Dean turned me away, which was good, I admit. I would have fucked this up even worse than I did, but…" He shook his head and looked at the ground. He looked back up at her and she hated seeing the pain in his perfect hazel eyes. "I never want to hurt you, Andy. Physically, emotionally, and I'm afraid…you just make me so damn mad."

At that, she smiled. "Same goes."

They stared at one another a few moments. "I can't promise I won't be a horse's ass, Andy. And I do want kids. Now. But I understand pushing you into it will only make you resent me, and the kid, and I can't do that. I can't…I don't want any of us to be hated because we were born. I felt that enough and I just…"

That was all it took for her to cross to him. She grabbed his arm. "Your dad never hated you for being born."

"He hated me for taking Mom away," he told her, his voice soft and full of hurt.

"Then he was a fucking idiot. You were an innocent bystander in the clusterfuck of the century. That was on that yellow eyed bastard and your mom. Not on you. Never you, Sam. It wasn't your fault."

"So many times I fucked up. I don't want to fuck up with you," he whispered.

"You won't," she promised. "We'll work through our shit, I promise."

"I love you, Andy."

"I love you, too, Sam. SO much." She took in a stuttering breath. "So…where do we go from here?"

He shook his head. "I don't…" he paused and glanced at the table. "Breakfast?"

She looked at the two place settings Ryan had set out. "There are leftovers?"

"In the microwave."

She nodded. "I guess that's as good a start as any. Then I want us to go over and work on our house."

"Do you like it?" he asked.

She nodded. "I do. And I like what it represents. Our future."

"Me too," he whispered as he pulled her close. He bent to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

The kiss started gentle enough, but then he deepened it and she let him. When his hands moved toward her ass, she knew maybe Dean was right, and the best thing they could do now was show one another that connection. She gave a little jump and then she was in his arms. He let out a moan as he carried her to the countertop and sat her there before he began moving his hands all over her body. Her own hands were busy in his hair as their mouths warred.

"Need you," she whined.

"Always," he replied.

"Now. Here."

"Okay," he panted as she squirmed and helped him get her pants off while her own dove for the button on his jeans.

It took him only moments and then, blissfully, they were connected. This wasn't about the sex, it was about the need to feel one another, to be together. Their hands lovingly touched one another as they moved, soft brushes of skin against skin, gentle massages, petal-soft kisses raining on each other as they moved to the end, taking that leap together into the abyss…

As their heart rates returned to normal, she giggled. "I'm going to owe Ryan big time for fucking on her kitchen counter…"

Sam glanced around as if realizing, for the first time, where they were. "Dean will understand."

She smiled and kissed him delicately. "Ryan, too, for that matter."

His eyes caught hers and they both began giggling.

"I could eat a horse," she told him as he pulled away, zipped up his jeans, leaving them unbuttoned, she noticed, and reached onto the stove to hand her a napkin. It was a pitiful piece of paper that definitely wouldn't help her clean up from their union. She took it with a smile, however, and a bite to her lip. "We could always shower," she offered.

He thought a moment, smirked, and reached into the microwave where a stack of waffles and bacon was waiting. He put three pieces of bacon between two of the waffles and handed her the makeshift sandwich. "Breakfast on the run upstairs?" he asked.

Her smile turned wicked. "I like the way you think."

* * *

**October 9**

**Dean POV **

"I'm so excited!" Hope gushed from the landing at the top of the stairs. Ryan was doing something to the kid's hair, some complicated kind of braid while Krissy was chirping around excitedly.

Dean blinked and shook his head before he headed into the kitchen. "What's got the girls all abuzz?" he asked Ben and Jesse, who were currently stuffing their faces with pizza. It was a Friday night and the two littles were situated at the kitchen table with the older boys, scarfing down some pizza Jesse brought home from his job at the local take-out joint. He'd managed to, not necessarily worm his way into Dean's heart, but Dean found the kid was pretty decent, smart, and a hard worker. He pulled his weight, did his schoolwork, and never stirred up trouble, unlike Ben, who while a decent student, had girls hanging all over him and had actually had some crazy chick throw a bag of flaming dog shit onto their porch. Sometimes Dean wished the kid was more like Lisa than himself.

"Oh, Hope's got a double date with Kris tonight," Ben stated as he picked up another piece of pizza. The cheese was still hot and bubbly and it stretched all the way across the table. "Damn, It's five miles long…"

Jesse looked at him and snickered. "I can't, man. Seriously?"

Ben's eyebrows waggled. "Yeah, that's what Sherry Brigs said, too, right before she sucked my…" He glanced at the Bobby, who was listening with rapt attention before he cleared his throat. "Never mind."

Dean snorted before what Ben said registered. "Wait. What?"

"Look, Dad, I know, I know. I can't help it the chick wanted in my pants. I mean, what was I gonna tell her? No?"

Dean shook his head. "Not about that, about Hope and Kris."

Jesse pulled a face. "Yeah, they're going out with the doublemint twins."

"They hate it when they're called that," Krissy stated when she walked into the room.

"Why you think we do it?" Ben asked. He glanced at her and let out a whistle. "Damn. You're wearing a skirt?" She had on a pink skirt that was covered in black polka dots and a black sweater to match.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"Well, here I am!" Hope stated as she walked in.

Dean glanced at her and balked. "Nah-uh. Nope. Not happening."

She blinked and glanced down at herself. "What, Daddy? Don't I look great?"

"Sure do," Jesse all but whispered. Dean narrowed his eyes at the boy before he looked back at his daughter. "There is no way in hell you're going out in that!"

"Dean!" Ryan chided as she walked in. "What is the matter with you?"

"Do you see how little fabric this dress has?!" He felt like he was going into heart failure. "She's twelve years old!"

"Dad!" Hope shouted. "How many times have we been over this?! I'm not twelve! I'm at least sixteen, seventeen. I could age to twenty five if I wanted to!"

"So?! You'd still be a kid, kid, and I say go upstairs and change!"

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Dean, she's fine."

"No. The only thing that's missing, besides the bottom _half, _the piece in the front, the back, and a half dozen other things is the 'for easy open, insert thumb here' tag! No fucking way."

Ryan crossed her arms. "It's not our daughter's fault she has long legs."

"Then I suggest she gets a longer skirt!"

"I'm not changing, Daddy!"

"I said you are!"

"Dean!" Ryan shouted, stepping between him and Hope. The girl was standing toe-to-toe with him. "Dean, we bought this dress specifically for tonight. I approved it."

"YOU WHAT?!"

Instead of being phased by his obvious meltdown, she cleared her throat, pursed her lips, and crossed her arms. "I bought her this dress for her first date. Now, be a dear and open the door for the boys when they get here."

"I'm gonna open the door alright, then smack the shit out of both of them."

"Mom!"

"Ryan!"

"Jesus," Ryan muttered under her breath. She glanced at Jesse and Ben, both who had joint looks of amusement on their faces. "Thank you for telling him."

"What?! You were gonna NOT tell me?!" Dean exclaimed.

Ryan blew out a breath. "I was hoping to get them out of the house before you flipped your shit, Dean, yes."

"So that was why you…" His eyes narrowed as he remembered the 'Afternoon Delight' she'd given him earlier in the day. "You actually tried to ply me with sex to get me to relax before this?!"

Hope drew a face but Krissy commented, "That was actually a pretty good idea, Ryan."

Ryan smirked. "I know. And if _someone _hadn't opened their mouth, I could have gotten the girls out the door without you freaking out, Dean! It's a date. Guess what?! They can go on dates. And Hope isn't going out alone with Gideon, she's doing a double with Kris and his brother, Joel."

"Gideon and Joel? Who names their kids that?!"

"They're good boys," Ryan told him. "Their parents are both fairly religious people. I have no doubts the boys will behave themselves. Remember, we have trained both the girls to kill if need be."

"Yeah, but…" he was losing ground, fast. "But…they can't…"

"They can and they will."

He glanced from Hope to Krissy, who were excitedly chatting, ignoring him. "But…"

"Dean," Ryan stated softly as she put a hand on his arm. "It's fine. It's normal."

Just then, the doorbell rang and his eyes narrowed. "I'll open the door," he stated stiffly.

"Do _not _embarrass your daughters," Ryan reminded him savagely.

He stopped. His daughters. He loved them both as if they were his. And he'd protect them. He looked at the girls who were now eyeing him as if he were some kind of rogue nuke. He sighed. He supposed he could play along. As long as the two idiots at the door weren't total douchebags.

He squared his shoulders and walked to the front door. He opened it to find two identical looking boys each holding a single flower. His eyebrow rose as he said, "Boys."

"G-Good evening, Mr. Winchester," the one on the left said.

Dean smiled and he felt sure it held the contempt he felt as the one on the right swallowed hard. "Come on in. The girls are almost ready."

"Th-Thank you," the one squeaked.

"So? Tell me about yourselves."

The one on the left, who must have been the alpha of the two, opened his mouth, but just then Krissy came up to him. "Joel, Gideon, I'm glad to see you two met Dean. His bark is worse than his bite."

"It really isn't," Dean stated stonily. Ryan caught his eye and gave him a look. He cleared his throat. "Okay, so…rules…" What the fuck?! He didn't know any rules! What was he going to say?

Ryan stepped in then. "Curfew is eleven. If you're going to be later than that, call, please. Where are you going?"

"We're going to the movies and dinner at Stony's," the quieter of the two said. He smiled as Hope walked into the room. "You look great, Hope."

"Thanks, Gideon." She turned and stood on tiptoe to kiss Dean's cheek. "Thank you for not being a douche, Daddy. Don't worry, I've got my knife, Kris has hers, and we know what we're doing." She turned then and took the boy's arm. Dean watched them walk out feeling more helpless than he had since seeing Sam's dead body in Cold Oak, South Dakota all those years ago.

"Come on, sweetie," Ryan stated as she hooked her arm in his and pulled him toward the kitchen.

"Wants pizza, Daddy?" Bobby asked as he tried to hand Dean his half eaten piece.

Dean sat dumbly and blinked. "She just…they went…"

Ryan smiled, walked to the cabinet, and returned a few moments later with a glass of whiskey. "Drink."

He downed it without thinking before he glanced up at her. She smiled again. "I promise, they're fine."

"Yeah, Dad, they're just human guys. They're actually pretty good. Both of them are in that club, what'cha call it?"

"It's the chastity club, dumbass, and I wouldn't expect you to know anything about it," Jesse shot at him.

"Yeah, aren't you like, their president?"

"Fuck off," Jesse snarled.

"Boys," Ryan reprimanded. "Not that I mind you two killing one another, but not at the table. And two, I don't need the little guys using that language. I know they hear it enough, but still, cool it."

"Yes ma'am," the two older boys chimed.

Dean's brows knit. "Chastity club?"

Ben downed half his glass of soda, belched, and said, "Yeah, there's this purity club at school. It sounds lame. Anyway, they're both members in it."

"Is Hope?"

Ben snorted. "Uh, no."

"You mean she…!?" Dean wasn't sure he could think about that, but it was sending his blood pressure up.

"NO!" Ben shouted. He blinked and thought. "No, I don't think so. It's just…not her kind of club. She's busy enough with drama season gearing up and cheerleading. Kris isn't in it either but I don't think she…" Suddenly, the kid paled.

Dean and Ryan exchanged a look as Ryan sat next to Jon and wiped some pizza sauce off his chin. He was enough like his older brother to love sausage. He had eight teeth now and could eat just about anything he wanted, and usually did.

Ryan cleared her throat and said, "Why aren't you out tonight, Ben? Between ladies, are you?"

He let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, Cindy got pretty pissed at me and told half the girls in our year some stuff and…"

"And now he's having to resort to dating sophomore girls," Jesse provided.

"No, I'm not! I'm just…laying low for a while."

Ryan picked up a piece of pizza. "Well, try not to piss anyone else off, okay? The front porch stunk for days after that dog doo stunt she pulled. And try not to be a dick, okay?"

"Hey, that was her. I told her no strings. She was the one that started writing 'Mrs. Ben Braeden-Winchester' on everything, not me."

Dean snorted at that, some of his personality returning. He had to attempt to be cool for this whole date thing. Hope was an angel. Krissy was a trained hunter. If he could trust them to come back from a Rugaru case unscathed, (which they had, just a few days prior) then he assumed they could handle two little nothing high school boys. "Be careful and ask Sam about girls that obsess over you. Make sure she doesn't know any hoo-doo. I'd hate to have to rescue you like I did him."

Ben's eyes grew wide. "What? Tell me all about it!"

He glanced at Ryan, who chuckled and nodded. "I'd like to hear about it, too."

"You read the gospel of it."

She nodded. "But whoever the scribe is that told the story was kind of flat about the delivery. I'd like to hear your side of it."

He smiled. "Well, alright. So, it was our annual trip to Vegas…"

* * *

**October 24**

Two weeks passed and Dean was, well, he wasn't sure he was adjusting to Hope dating, but he was handling it. He'd seen the boy a handful of times, since, and honestly, the kid was spineless and fairly harmless. Dean wasn't sure why Hope was even dating him. He was nice enough, but not anyone he could see Hope even sticking with for more than a passing phase and he told Ryan that as she was refreshing her makeup that morning. "I mean, he's just a spineless little…"

Ryan's eyebrow shot up as she put on her eye shadow. "What?"

He shook his head. "It just doesn't seem like he's her type."

Ryan let out a chuckle.

"What?"

She shook her head before she began applying her mascara. "Have you ever considered the fact Hope is surrounded by Alpha males?"

"Yeah? And?"

"And maybe she just wants to hang out with this kid, no strings attached. He's fascinated by Greek mythology and who better to talk it with than someone who lived it? Their discussions are cute. She's not ready to marry the guy, Dean."

"I know that. God forbid. I mean, he's not even her type!"

She looked at him in the mirror. "How do you even _know _her type?"

"Kid's like me. Maybe I know," he began.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes as she began fixing her hair. "I'm not saying he's the right fit for her, but he's decent, and, okay, he's kind of a braggart, but I think she could do a lot worse for her first boyfriend." She shot him a look. "And furthermore, I think you'd be glad she's dating someone like him instead of someone like…"

"Say it. Someone like Ben. Someone like me." He blew out a breath. "You think I'm not glad? I am! Some sweet kid like Sam instead of someone who had a revolving door of chicks, but still…"

She chortled under her breath as she turned and put a hand on his chest. "She's just living, Dean. Is she going to rip out her grace for this guy, throw away her future, her destiny, for this pathetic little human boy? No. But she's wasting a little time living and I think that's kind of awesome. Let her. She'll be grown up probably by the end of this year and then…" she let the sentence hang before she sighed.

She turned back to the mirror and resumed fixing her hair, putting something in it to make the curls soften and flow.

"I just don't want her to settle," Dean stated finally. "But I don't want her to be the town bicycle, either."

She smiled. "I think you've been watching too much teen chick TV."

"I can't help it I got addicted to 'One Tree Hill'. It's Krissy's fault. She's the one that said that chick looks like you. And she was right."

"Yeah, because I could fit this ass into that tiny cheerleading skirt…"

He grabbed said ass and kissed her neck before he whispered in her ear, "I'm pretty damn sure you could. And I bet if you did, you'd have every boy in that high school, and half the girls, bust a damn nut over it."

She turned in his arms and kissed him passionately. "I need to get you some glasses."

"You're the sexiest fucking thing on the planet, Ryan. And anyone tries to tell you different? You tell them to fuck off."

She chortled and ducked out of his arms to head out into their bedroom then down the stairs. He followed her and caught up with her at the bottom of the stairs. "I'm serious. When I think of you naked…"

"Ugh. Please stop," Hope commented from where she was pouring some orange juice. "That stuff stays in the bedroom, you two."

"I don't know, I mean, not that I want to _see _it, but I think it's awesome how in love they are," Jesse commented softly.

"Thank you, Jesse," Dean told him. "It's nice to be appreciated."

Hope's nose curled. "I'm not saying I don't like seeing the two of you in love, I'm just saying I don't need to _see _you two in love. Feel me?"

"I'm going to feel you…as I slap that insolence off your face," Ryan retorted playfully.

"I'm hurt, Mother!"

Ryan winced. "Please. Do _not _call me 'Mother'. Reminds me of my mom's mom and as much as I loved Grandma Fawcett, I have less than no desire to be like her. God love her, but she was the worst racist I ever met."

"You're kidding," Dean commented as he pulled toaster waffles out of the freezer for the little boys. It was almost time to go get Jon up. He'd heard Bobby singing softly in their room and that was sure to wake the littlest Winchester. It wouldn't be long and Jon would be out of his crib, something they were all dreading. He was already climbing like a fiend and he wasn't even a year old yet.

Ryan shook her head as she poured her coffee. Dean was always thankful for the automatic timer on it that had them coffee ready at the go. God knew they needed it every morning. "Nope. Well, you have to figure, she grew up in the south in a very different time. My great grandfather…well, let's just say he had a very narrow view of the world, and passed it on to his offspring."

"Wow. Interesting. Never knew that."

Ryan shrugged. "She never changed, not even to her dying day."

It was the most Ryan had talked about her family in a long time. Dean watched her, waiting to see if it bothered her, but luckily it didn't seem to. She drank her coffee then went upstairs to get Bobby and Jon while Dean fixed them breakfast.

They were going to take the little boys out to the children's museum all day and then to the diner Krissy worked at for dinner. Hope and the older boys were hanging out around the house and Gideon was going to come over later for dinner since Hope was cooking. He wasn't sure he liked that, but he trusted Ben, and Jesse, too, to make sure the little jerk acted appropriately.

* * *

**Jesse POV **

The doorbell ringing broke Jesse's concentration and Ben shouted, "Damn it, Jess!" as both their characters died in the game.

"Sorry, man," Jesse commented softly as the opposing team crowed in their headsets. He pulled his off and stood before flopping on his bed.

Ben stood slowly and walked over to his own bed. "Dude, do you ever think you'll nut up and tell her you like her?"

Jesse's eyes grew wide as they whipped over to see his best friend. "What?"

Ben snorted. "Seriously? Even Dad sees it, and he's oblivious to damn near everything."

Jesse swallowed hard and sat up. "Ben…"

Ben held up a hand. "Look, maybe it's like, some kind of crush. Maybe it's some kind of weird opposites attract thing. I'm not judging." He gave Jesse an up and down. "She could do worse."

Jesse fell back and covered his head with his pillow. Maybe he could just smother himself.

He felt something land on him to find Ben had come over and jumped on him. "Get off me, you asshat!" he shouted.

Ben snatched the pillow off of his head and smirked down at him. "I knew you had the hots for her!"

"She's a kid."

"Yeah, right. She's more of an adult than me, you, and, well, not Kris, but me and you combined."

"She's twelve."

"Her vessel is twelve. Hell, even I know she's older than that. It doesn't work that way."

"I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a pedophile."

Ben eyed him a moment before he sighed and stood. "I'm not saying you are, dude. She's not a kid, and the sooner you realize that, the better. You really want her with this little douche?"

"He's a nice guy."

"Yeah. Sure. Let everyone think that."

Jesse's eyes widened again as he sat up so fast, he felt a head rush. "What?"

"Nothing."

"What do you know?"

Ben stood and walked to the desk on his side of the room. He snagged a folder and brought it back over before dumping it on Jesse's lap.

Jesse glanced at the papers and saw Gideon's name on it. "You did a background check on him?!"

"She's my sister, angel or no. Frankly, I'm surprised Dad and Ryan didn't."

Jesse read the report which showed a whole lot of nothing. He'd be willing to bet Ben's rap sheet was longer. He knew his own was. "There's nothing here."

"Look on the next page."

Jesse lifted the paper and read about Gideon's possible involvement in an assault case. "This says there wasn't enough evidence. It also says he had an alibi." He put the paper down. "Not that I'm saying the guy is as good as he says he is, but still…"

"Something about him rubs me the wrong way. He's got Ryan snowed, and Hope, and Kris, but I don't like him."

Jesse smiled at that. "Could it be because he's dating your baby sister?"

Ben blew out a breath and fell onto his bed. "Maybe. I just…I never figured I'd need to feel this way, dude. I mean, I wanna protect her, but she doesn't need protecting."

Jesse sat the file aside and shrugged. "I don't know, I think she'd appreciate it, all the same."

"Still, my happy ass is going down there to sit and annoy the shit out of her."

Jesse watched him stand and offered one warning; "Please don't set the wrath of a pissed off teenage seraph on the house. I'd hate to get smote in the process."

Ben just smirked that damn Winchester smirk and walked out the door. Jesse sighed, prayed for a decent outcome, though he felt sure no one was listening to _him _anyway, then stood as well. The least he could do was help Hope salvage her evening from Ben's scrutiny.

He shuffled down the stairs to find Hope chatting happily with Gideon as she worked in the kitchen. She had made meatloaf, and Jesse tried not to feel betrayed. That was what she'd made the first night they'd met. But, then, that didn't mean anything. Did it? He didn't miss her look of surprise as he came in and sat next to Ben, but didn't comment as she pulled out two more plates and sat them on the table. Gideon looked at them with a frown, but remained quiet as he talked to Hope about their Latin test for Monday. "I don't know why I took Latin," he was currently lamenting.

"Well, if you want to be a doctor, it's a great one to start with," Hope stated thoughtfully as she stirred the mashed potatoes.

"Yeah, but you're so good at it and I'm just, not."

Ben snorted and Hope shot him a disapproving glare. "I've got a bit of help with that though, since most of my family can speak it." Hope told him.

"Why Latin?" he wanted to know.

Hope shrugged noncommittally and changed the subject.

When the meal was ready and she had all the food on the table, Gideon said, somewhat rudely, "I didn't realize you two were going to be here," to Ben and Jesse.

Jesse shrugged but Ben glared at the boy over his glass of Root Beer. "Did you really think you'd have the house to yourself with her, Gid?" He jumped and Jesse felt sure Hope had kicked him under the table. He continued looking down at his plate, but smiled.

"It's Gideon. I detest nicknames."

Ben licked his teeth thoughtfully and nodded. "I'll be sure to remember that, Gid." He turned to Hope. "Pass the potatoes, please."

Jesse could almost feel the look Hope was giving her brother, but he remained quiet through most of the meal. Honestly, the more he was around the jerk, the less he could stand him. He was nice enough, yes, but he was constantly boasting. About how much money his family had. About how everyone in his family were doctors. About his new car currently parked in the driveway. How he didn't wouldn't have to work his way through college because his parents wanted him to focus only on his education, which was why he wasn't working a job, now. By the end of the meal, Jesse was about to strangle the prick just on principle.

Finally, the meal was finished and Ben and Jesse both jumped up to help. That was how things worked in the Winchester household. You cook, someone else cleans. But of course, Gideon just sat there, picking his teeth with a toothpick from his pocket. Who brings their own toothpicks to dinner, anyway?

Jesse walked over to grab another plate and said, "Thank you, Hope, for dinner."

She smiled at him. "My pleasure, Jesse."

"Yeah, Hopey, thanks!" Ben called from over the sound of running water at the sink.

"Yes, thank you. It was very thoughtful of you, Hope. A little heavy on the carbohydrates, but its forgivable this once. Next time, may I suggest another vegetable? We didn't need potatoes and rolls."

Jesse clenched his teeth as he made an about-face to take the empty potato bowl to the sink. "This prick is getting on my nerves," he whispered to Ben.

"Tell me about it," Ben muttered. Out loud, he said, "Say, Hope? You didn't make dessert, did you?"

"I did!" she stated excitedly. "I used Mom's recipe for apple cobbler. Thought we could have it with ice cream…"

"Awesome," Ben exclaimed.

"Cobbler? And ice cream? Are you trying to fatten me up?" Gideon inquired. He appraised Hope. "It wouldn't do to gain much weight. The other cheerleaders wouldn't appreciate hoisting you to the top of the pyramid if you weighed much more."

Jesse slammed another bowl on the counter and turned. "Easy," Ben growled under his breath.

"Did you just hear that asshat?!" Jesse whisper-yelled.

Ben nodded. "Let Hope handle it."

Jesse's eyes narrowed, but Hope quickly piped up and said, "Oh, I could eat a whole herd of cattle and not gain an ounce. I've got amazing metabolism. You could almost say it was a gift from above."

Gideon frowned again. "Yes, well, I wouldn't take it for granted or you'll find yourself out of the squad."

Hope's face turned stormy and Jesse was glad to see her chipper façade was breaking, ever so slightly as she stated, "Don't worry about what I eat and I won't worry about how you cheated off me for the calculus exam on Friday."

"Damn," Ben let out on a breath. "Go Hope."

Jesse still wasn't happy and his mood continued to deteriorate as the evening wore on and Hope decided to play a game. When it was decided they would play poker, Jesse brightened some. Hope was good, probably the best he'd seen, but he was the only one who could beat her because he knew how to hide his tells from her. It frustrated the hell out of her and he loved playing with her for that very reason. She was a formidable opponent. They also played chess frequently and he loved wiping the floor with her smug little ass.

It was getting dark as they got down into the nitty-gritty of the game. Finally, after three hands, Gideon threw his cards on the table. "I fold!"

Jesse, who had just won, couldn't help himself. He blamed Dean and Andy, who had introduced him to his new favorite movie, Tombstone for the quote as he said, "Why, Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker just isn't your game. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"

Hope shot daggers at him and Ben whispered, "Dude. I thought you were keeping me from annoying her, but you…Damn it, have you lost your MIND?! Don't you know better than to go against a rogue nuke with a fire hose?"

Jesse just smirked at Gideon, who had cleared his throat and remained quiet while Hope shuffled the deck for a new game. The cards were dealt and another game began. It was evident Gideon wasn't a very good player and Jesse knew he should just cut the guy some slack, but something snapped in him, something primal came to the surface, and he couldn't help but demolish the other boy. After he won two more hands, Hope stood and excused herself to go to the bathroom. That was when Jesse leaned into Ben. "Wanna get rid of this douche?"

Ben thought a moment. "Your funeral," he commented. Both of them laughed, then Jesse looked at Gideon with the best southern drawl he can muster and said, "Oh, I apologize. Forgot you were there. You may go now."

Gideon just sat there, unsure of what else to say. Jesse just looked at him. "Well, bye."

Gideon turned red with anger as he stood. "The hell's your problem, emo boy?"

Jesse felt it, the rage starting, the black oil slicking his blood, oozing up to the surface. He started to stand and go for the guy and Ben held him back. "It's not worth it, Jess. Let it go, man…"

But it was too late. Jesse stood and said, "You. You're my problem. But not for long." He let his eyes flash black, just quickly enough that Gideon wouldn't be sure what he saw.

In a shaky voice, the other guy asked, "Wha-What the hell ARE you?"

"You know what, Gid? You never can tell. But still, something tells me you might just be stupid enough to wanna find out."

"Jesse," Ben warned.

Gideon stepped away from the table then and moved to the doorway. "Stay away from me, you freak!"

Freak. Weirdo. Monster. All the names he'd been called before. And they meant nothing coming from the shit stain across from him. "Does this mean we're not friends anymore?" Jesse drawled as he moved around the table, still playing the game. "If I thought that you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it," he snarked back. He let out a pout. "Poor soul. You're just too high strung.

Gideon was shaking with rage. "Go to hell, Jesse!" he shouted before he clocked him.

Jesse staggered back, wiped his nose, and seeing the blood, gave a smile dripping with so much evil, you could cut it with a knife. "Don't worry, Gidget, I'm going soon enough…just give me about ten years, I'll be there. But haven't you heard? Hell's empty. And the devils? Well, they're right here. And you? You're going tonight." He lunged and all hell broke loose.

They stumbled across the foyer and into the living room. Jesse was vaguely aware of glass breaking, wood snapping, but he was too invested in the fight to give a fuck what was happening.

That was about the time Jesse felt himself being lifted back and slammed into the wall. He snarled, black eyes popping back out and he turned to find Hope's glowing angel blue as she held him in place. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" she shouted through tears.

Just then, Dean and Ryan walked in with the little boys.

* * *

**Ryan POV **

"Dean, I think this was a mistake," she groaned as she watched him attempt to sink a hole-in-one. They had taken Bobby and Jon putt-putting. Of course, Jon couldn't really hit the ball, so he hung out in his stroller most of the time, but Bobby, well, Gabriel had come out to play and he was enjoying fucking with Dean. Of course, Ryan was fairly certain Dean was enjoying it, too, even if he was currently frowning as he lined up his shot. He swung…and the ball didn't move. "What the hell?"

Bobby giggled and Ryan couldn't help the smile. "Can we call this quits, please?" she asked as Jon yawned loudly, causing the flames on the tiki torches to rise about five inches before they went back down. "Jon's getting tired and I'm afraid he's going to do something."

"I won't let him, Mommy," Bobby promised.

She knelt down. "And how are you going to stop him when you're busy aggravating your father?"

"I's can multitask," he stated proudly.

She snorted and ruffled his hair. "Call it, Winchester," she shouted toward Dean.

"Fine. Cheater."

Bobby stuck his tongue out at his dad playfully and Dean chased him until he caught him and began tickling him. They'd had the best day. They had played at the children's museum for hours before they'd gone and visited Krissy at the diner and ate. Then on the way home, they'd decided to let Hope have a little more time with Gideon so they went to play mini-golf.

They let Bobby drop all four balls in the ball return hole then turned in their clubs before they walked out to the car and strapped the boys in. Jon fell asleep almost immediately and after hearing pleading from the other two Winchester's, she acquiesced and they drove through the Dairy Queen drive-thru for ice cream.

When they pulled in the driveway, Dean commented, "Well, it's still standing."

Ryan laughed as she pulled Jon out of his seat. "And what did you expe-" Just then, they heard something that sounded like an explosion of glass. They hurried up the steps and opened the door to find Jesse hulked out and held a foot off the ground against the wall, Hope looking like she was choking the life force out of him, Gideon unconscious and bleeding on the now broken coffee table, and Ben looking on in surprise.

Ben was the one that noticed them first. Finally, he spoke up. "So…Jesse and I decided we don't like the guy." He glanced at the unconscious kid on the floor. "Uh, Gideon?" Ben shrugged before he pointed from the mess on the floor to Dean and Ryan. "That's…well, it doesn't really matter at this point, does it? Uhm, yeah, we should probably just…wake him up…he needs to go…"

Ryan closed her eyes, muttered a prayer not to strangle anyone under her breath and passed Jon to Dean. "I'll get this…diffused. Take them upstairs."

Bobby was looking around wide-eyed and he slipped his hand in Dean's. "Who is in trouble, Daddy?"

"I don't know, bud. Just be glad it ain't you."

"I am!" he exclaimed as they walked up the steps.

Hope's eyes returned to brown and she let Jesse down who landed in a crumpled heap and let out a moan. "Frick sake, Hope!"

"You'll live!" she snarled.

"Shut up!" Ryan screamed. She sucked in another breath. "I want explanations. Now."

All three of them started talking and she held up a hand. "No." She turned to Ben. "You. Talk."

He opened his mouth a few times in his best guppy impression before he cleared his throat. "Gideon is a douche."

"That's not-" Hope started, but Ryan held up a hand, silencing her.

Ben sighed. "Gideon is a douche. I, uh, I went and did a background check on him…" Hope let out an oath, causing him to wince, but he continued, "Anyway, I wasn't sure he was bad, I just didn't want him to be alone with her, just in case." He turned to Hope. "I knew you could handle yourself, but I'm your brother. I love you."

"I love you, too, ass," she stated halfheartedly.

Ben shook his head. "Anyway, we ate dinner then started playing cards. I don't know, he just…got under mine and Jesse's skin. And it's pretty damn clear he doesn't like Jesse. Anyway, he said a few things, Jesse said a few things, and it just kind of…"

"Spiraled into the clusterfuck we now find ourselves in?" Ryan supplied.

"Basically? Yeah."

She glanced down at the boy still unconscious on the floor. "Hope, get him up, heal him or whatever, then get him out of here."

"Mom!"

"Now, Hope. I can't deal with anything while he's bleeding all over my floor."

Hope stomped over to him, pointedly ignoring Jesse in the process, and put a hand to his head. She gasped, however, and pulled away.

"What?" Ben asked.

"N-Nothing," she murmured. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth set as white light emanated from her hand before the boy woke, looking disoriented.

"Sorry, Gideon, but you're too big of an ass for me to stay with. Sorry I punched you."

"You didn't punch me," he stated only moments before she nailed him. Ryan could hear the kid's nose break from where she stood.

"Hope!" she exclaimed then let out an oath under her breath. "Ben, get him out of here. Honest to God, can none of ya'll act like normal human beings? All of you have to be Neanderthals?" She walked to the kitchen, grabbed the roll of paper towels and handed them to the boy. "Best clear out of here now. No telling what she'll do next," she murmured of her daughter.

Ben helped the guy stand and walked him to the door. As soon as the door closed, Ryan said, "Hope! What the hell was that?!"

"Ben was right. He…he's not a nice guy," she murmured.

Dean chose that moment to walk downstairs. "What did I miss?"

Ryan just shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment as she put her head in her hand.

"Mom?"

"Ryan?"

She sucked in a breath, blew it out, then happened to glance at Dean. He looked so damn smug. "Let me guess, you approve of their barbaric behavior?" Ryan seethes. "The whole lot of them?"

Dean couldn't help but smile. "Hey, what do you want me to say? These guys have always been a good judge of character and they thought something about Hope's guy didn't smell right, that's good enough for me. Turns out they were right. No skin off my nose. They're doing their job. I'll be damned if I'm going to berate 'em for it."

He had a point, but she couldn't let them off that easily. "He's just a simple human, boys. Hope could take him with one hand tied behind her back and her eyes closed. As she did just then."

Jesse's voice was soft as he said, "She shouldn't have to. That's mine and Ben's job." You would have to have been blind not to have seen the pain on his face as he added "It's our job to protect our little sister."

Ryan didn't miss the look of mortification on Hope's face. "I'm going to bed," she shouted as she ran up the stairs.

That would be a land mine she'd step on another day. Right now, she had bigger fish to fry. Ryan turned to Ben and Jesse. "You two. Me. NOW."

Dean chose that moment to head toward the kitchen. "Dad?" Ben pleaded. "Where you going?"

"Oh, well, see, I'm not the one in trouble, so the mom voice is my cue to…" Hooking a thumb toward the hall, he said, "Yeah, I'm just gonna go and…do something…anywhere but here."

Ryan watched him go, half relieved. She couldn't handle the man-child at the same time as the two teenage boys. She glanced at Jesse who looked like he'd gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson. Between Hope body slamming him into the wall and the obvious beating he'd gotten from Gideon, he was a bleeding mess. "Ben, go get me my first aid kit." She wouldn't dare ask Hope to heal him, not at the moment.

"Don't," Jesse stated in a pained voice. "It'll be healed by morning and I'll be gone…"

She leaned back and crossed her arms. "And where do you think you're going, mister?"

He just looked at her in surprise. One of his eyes was starting to swell shut from the cut on his eyebrow. "You're kicking me out, right?"

"For protecting my daughter? For breaking the coffee table I've hated for the past three years? Why exactly would I be kicking you out?"

"I…I lost it, Ryan! I saw red and then I saw black and I just…"

Ryan crossed to him and put a hand on his face. "You may have saved her. She saw him for who he was when she healed him. And maybe that will make her see she needs to listen to you and Ben a bit more."

"I hurt her feelings."

"You can apologize to her."

"I wanted to kill him," he confided.

"I'm sure she wouldn't have let you," Ryan assured him. "Neither would Ben."

"I'm not good, Ryan," he reminded her softly.

Ben appeared then, also bringing a wet washcloth.

"Sit," Ryan commanded. The boy sat in the wingback chair and she dabbed his face with the wet cloth before she began taking out salve and band aids. There was a piece of glass embedded in his forehead she could see, so she grabbed some tweezers as well. She knelt down before him and took in a deep breath. "Jesse, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Dean when he said that. None of us are good. Not one. Even the angels are bad, and they're supposed to be the best around! We do the best we can because we _want _to be good. And you? You want to be good probably more than anyone else in this house."

She pulled the shard of glass out and deposited it onto the washcloth before she continued. "Was it smart to go after that boy, knowing you could hurt him? Probably not. But that's why Ben is here. That's why Hope is here, to help pull you back from the edge." She put salve on the wound and then bandaged it before she moved to the next cut.

"Do you know how many times Sam and Dean have killed? People in meatsuits demons have possessed, people they couldn't save…I'm guilty of it, too. We aren't good, we're just on the side of good. And you are on the side of good."

She continued to patch him up and clean up his wounds as she talked. "So, no more talk about not being good. You are. You're just as good as the rest of us. Granted, that's not saying much, but there you go. You're a good guy, Jess. I know that. Hope knows that. And secretly? I'm glad you whaled on that boy so he didn't force Hope to hurt him, or force Hope into something she wasn't ready for."

At the boy's wide eyes, she nodded. "Just because she's an angel and thinks she's grown, doesn't mean she's ready for certain situations. I'm glad you and Ben were here. I can forgive you both for that." She glanced at the disaster that was her living room. "This, however, will require punishment."

"That's fair," Ben stated from behind her. She glanced up at him. He looked as remorseful as Jesse did.

She nodded. "Good. I'm going upstairs after I take a very large drink of something alcoholic. Then I'm going to run myself a bubble bath and forget this happened. When I come downstairs in the morning I expect this room to be spotless. You two will be up before dawn to run with me and Sam and I'm going to run your asses into the ground for the next week. It seems you both have some testosterone to work off and what better way than running it out of you? Be ready to go with me to pick up Sam at five sharp."

Ben began to groan but she narrowed her eyes at him, causing him to shut up. "Yes, ma'am," he murmured.

"Smart boy," she commented. She stood and kissed Jesse's forehead. "I love you, Jesse. You're mine as much as Ben, as much as Bobby, as much as Jon. You're my boys and I love you and will continue to treat you as such. I'm not disappointed in you for protecting your family, just in your execution. Tomorrow is a new day. We'll deal with it when it comes."

She walked to Ben and kissed his forehead, too, before she walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Dean didn't say a word as he handed her the rather full glass. She took a grateful sip and hummed in appreciation at the Jack and Coke he'd fixed her.

"Anything I need to know?" he inquired.

She took another sip of her drink and shook her head. "Not tonight. I'm going upstairs to take a bath." She smiled. "Care to join me?"

"You know I don't do bubble baths."

Her eyebrow rose. "You do when your wife asks you to."

"Well, in that case…"

* * *

**October Twenty Ninth**

Ryan was having a rare moment of quiet in the kitchen after cleaning up from dinner. The boys were playing quietly in the living room before bedtime, Jesse was in there with them, keeping them out of trouble. Krissy was at work. Ben, Dean, and Hope were all out in the garage working on Cherry. They were making pretty good progress. Once the car was done, she and Dean were contemplating getting Hope a car, if they could find one they liked and agreed on. The peace was almost palpable. She should have known it wouldn't last.

She reached into the fridge and pulled out a Twisted Tea. Dean made fun of her drink of choice, but she enjoyed the tang it had. She had just twisted the cap off and taken a drag of it when she heard raised voices through the window. Instead of investigating, she walked over and sat down at the now clean kitchen table and started surfing the web for cases on her iPad. Sam was coming by later and they were going to compare notes, see if they needed to send anyone out or not. Of course, she did tilt her head toward the door where the sounds from the garage were getting louder. "Oh yeah? Smite me, PLEASE! You'll be putting me out of my misery!" Dean shouted.

Ryan barely got out a groan before Hope stormed into the kitchen, Dean hot on her heels. "Hope Deanna Winchester," Dean shouted, "Don't you walk away from me, dammit!"

She kept walking, pretending not to hear him. Ryan heard her footsteps stomp up the stairs, down the hallway to her bedroom, followed by the inevitable slamming of her door.

Ryan didn't say anything, just raised her eyebrows at Dean.

He just hung his head for a moment before finally barking out, "FUCK!" He looked at her with a helpless expression. "Why does she insist on earning her name? Why can't she just gush over being named after her old man like a regular brat?"

Ryan opened her mouth to answer, but Dean interrupted. "I mean, what was Gabe thinking?! Taking an angel and binding it to a WINCHESTER?! Those two alone are bad enough, but no, let's add a fuckton of crazy to the mix and make it FEMALE. Good times, Gabe! Really fucking hilarious! I hope you're happy!" He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't…I…I need a beer."

As he walked to the refrigerator to grab a bottle, Ryan asked, "Do I want to know what you two were fighting about this time?" They two had started arguing more now that Hope was asserting her independence. It was nice that she wasn't arguing with Ryan, actually. "What's his name this time?" Since Gideon, Ryan had heard Hope was seeing another boy, but she had yet to meet him. She was afraid the girl was going to go through boys like candy for a little while. She didn't know if Dean would make it or not.

"Volkswagen."

Ryan's brows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

Dean slammed the refrigerator door shut, and after taking a very long drink of his beer, he slammed it onto the table as he sat himself across from Ryan. "Volkswagen. That's what she wants to drive. I mentioned getting her a car for us to fix up, just nonchalant, like we'd talked about. The father/daughter project, right?"

Ryan nodded, trying to contain her laughter as he continued. "Well, I asked her what she thinks about it and she says, 'Daddy, that's awesome! Can we get a Volkswagen?' Can you believe that?!"

Ryan shook her head, unable to believe the crazy she was currently listening to. It sounded like Heaven and Hell were arguing in her back yard…over a fucking car?! "Unbelievable," she managed.

"I know, right? So I tell her that no self-respecting Winchester, much less a daughter of mine, is gonna be caught dead driving a piece of euro trash like that. Needless to say, she didn't agree."

Ryan was really finding it hard to contain the belly laugh that was dying to explode from her but she managed to get ahold of herself before she asked, "So, what now?"

Instead of answering, he followed up with, "This is Allard's fault. That crazy ass hippie wannabe has screwed with my daughter's head! It's bad enough she's got Cas doing God knows what with Meg, but, come on!"

Ryan had heard through the grapevine about certain…activities involving the angel, demon, and human, but Tory had surprisingly been close-lipped, and Ryan wasn't one to judge, so she was staying about as far away from that subject as humanly possible.

Ryan paused a moment as something niggled at the back of her brain. "Wait a minute…didn't your Mom want a VW van before you talked your dad into getting the Impala?"

Dean just stared at her like she was crazy. "That's besides the point. It was the seventies. She WAS a hippie!"

Ryan just shook her head because she knew no one was going to get through to either her husband or her daughter when they were pissed off, so she said, "Why don't you go on back out there with Ben. When Hope calms down, I'll tell her you aren't okay with a VW and ask if there is something else she wants. Grab another beer and cool off."

He stood and downed the rest of his beer. He then held his arms out in exasperation. "I…I dunno, Ryan, about that girl. I honestly don't know." Snatching the empty bottle off the table, he said, "I need some air. And another beer."

He tossed the empty bottle into the recycling bin, and muttering under his breath, went and snagged another beer. "That's not what I raise my kids to do, drive pieces of shit then threaten to smite me…" As he walked out the door, she heard him mumbling, "The least she could do is get a Ford like her mother. I could handle that. Fucking euro trash? Hell no. Not on my watch…"

Sam found Ryan about ten minutes later, shoulders still shaking from laughter. "Do, uh, Do I wanna know?"

She looked up at him with tears streaming down her face. She couldn't…she couldn't handle the idiocy she was facing with her husband and oldest child.

He gave her a megawatt smile and said, "You're about to tell me something Dean will pay me serious money to keep to myself, aren't you?"

She took a few deep, calming breaths and finally answered, "Oh yeah. Sit down."

* * *

**November Ninth**

**Dean POV **

It was Hope's birthday and of course, Ryan was going to have a huge meal for her. She had gotten past Gideon okay, and even though Dean wasn't handling it very well, she was dating another guy. Another issue? This damn car. Well, she calmed down and he did, too. He just didn't understand why she had to fly off the fucking handle about it, but then Ryan reminded him she as a hormonal teenage girl. That didn't make life easier, but he was trying. They'd made up, which was good. And though Dean could still feel the tension between her and Jesse, they were slowly mending their fences, too.

Part of Dean was relieved. Since Ben and Krissy were tolerating each other somewhat better, and now that Hope and Jesse were getting right, he was glad life was returning to normal. If only he had known he would be the one to fuck it up, he probably wouldn't have driven out to the store to pick up more cheese for the broccoli Ryan was fixing that night. Hope loved broccoli, so, of course, that was part of her dinner.

He readjusted his coat and walked in. It was chilly and now that the evening was approaching, the cool weather was getting worse. That was why he did it. It was supposed to drop below freezing that night. He couldn't be that big of a dick, could he? Ryan would understand. She had to.

He managed to avoid suspicion as he walked in the front door and into the kitchen.

"Hey, babe, get the cheese?"

He nodded, his eyes darting around, looking to make sure the kids weren't in the kitchen. From the sounds of it, Hope was in the living room with the two little boys. Andy and Sam hadn't arrived yet, neither had Tory. Claire had ridden home with Krissy and Hope, he knew, so he figured she was around there somewhere.

Ryan side-eyed him. She tossed the dish towel on the counter, turned, and said, "Alright, what's up?"

His eyebrows went almost to his hairline. "What?!" He cleared his throat and tried again. "What are you talking about? Nothing. Nothin's up, why?"

He tugged on his jacket a bit more and he knew he was caught. Pointing a finger at him, she shot him a glare. "What. Is that?"

Dean winced as a whine came from his inner jacket pocket.

Ryan's eyes widened as her mouth dropped open. "Dean Winchester. You DIDN'T!" Clearly not wanting to tip off the kids, she dropped her voice to a whisper, albeit a threatening one. "Tell me that is not a DOG in your shirt!"

Dean rolled his eyes and opened his jacket revealing a small black and white puppy. "I found him on the side of the road."

"Good for you. Now TAKE. HIM. BACK!" Ryan warned, as loudly as the whisper would allow.

"I can't do that! He'll freeze to death out there! C'mon, Ry, I mean, look at him. He's so tiny…"

"Not just no, Dean, but HELL no! Like I don't have enough to do around here between housework, training, hunting, FOUR teenagers and two kids under the age of six!? Plus all the damn adults that show up all the fucking time!? We both know THAT thing will just end up as something else on my 'to-do' list, and I'm full up as here is. Sorry, but he's not staying."

"C'mon, Ry," he began again.

"Oh no you don't! Don't 'come on Ry' me. Not THIS time! You don't get to do something like this without discussing it with me AND make me be the bad guy, Dean!"

"But…"

"Sam's always wanting a fucking dog, buddy up to Andy and pass it off, but NUH-UH. I can't do it."

About that time, Bobby wandered in. It only took him a half a second for him to notice what was in Dean's hand. Gasping, he cried out, "DADDY GOT'S A PUPPY!" He immediately ran up to Dean, snatching the poor animal from Dean's hand and began giggling hysterically as it licked his face.

Hope walked in then carrying Jon with Krissy and Claire in tow.

"Daddy!" Hope squealed as she passed Jon to Claire. "Did you get me a puppy for my birthday?!"

He looked up and smiled nervously at Ryan, who was shooting him such a hard glare he can feel it in his spine. He was going to fucking pay for this. And probably with a pound of flesh.

He sidled up to and tried to slip an arm around her waist. She grabbed the towel from the counter and started hitting him with it. She stopped long enough to jab a finger in his chest and to whisper so coldly it made his heart drop into his stomach, "I'm gonna say this once; YOU made this mess, YOU clean it up. You decided to bring that mutt home and blindside me with it, thinking I'd give in instead of breaking those kids' hearts. Well, you were HALF right. I'm not giving in, but I'm not the one who's gonna tell them, YOU are. I don't care how you do it, but YOU are telling them and then that thing is GONE. You hear me?! I don't give two shits what you do with it, but it ain't staying here!"

"Ryan, you can't be serious! Look, I know you're worried they won't take responsibility for it," At her narrowed eyes, he added, "Alright, you're worried WE won't, but I promise, that won't be an issue, okay? Besides, I'm not telling them they can't have it. Not NOW…"

Slamming the towel on the counter, Ryan grabbed him and pulled him into the living room in order to yell at him properly. "DAMN You, Dean! Why didn't you think about that before you brought the dog home?! You could have picked up your fucking phone and called me from the damn road! Given me at least a LITTLE warning! This is why we DISCUSS these things!"

Dean looked at her cautiously as he said, somewhat defiantly, "I'm not taking him back."

Stepping toe-to-toe with him, Ryan growled, "FINE. But here's the deal; since it's so important to you, you can BOTH sleep in the doghouse for the duration. Look in my eyes and tell me if I'm lying." She stared at him a moment more before she stormed out of the room.

He blew out a breath and muttered an oath. He took in another breath and shivered. That was the most pissed off she had been at him in a really long fucking time. He had to think she'd get over though. Wouldn't she?

He caught a glimpse of Jesse smiling as Hope laughed while the puppy licked her face and an idea came to him. "Turner," he asked softly as he nonchalantly walked over to the boy.

"Yeah, Dean?"

"You like dogs?"

Jesse shrugged. "I don't know. Never had one. The ones in the park and stuff are always nice. I was always worried they wouldn't like me, sense the demon in me, but I guess they know I'm a good guy." He shrugged again.

Dean smiled. "Okay, you wanna make Hope and the boys happy? Help me talk Ryan into keeping him."

Jesse's eyebrow rose. "How am I going to do that?"

"Please. Like you haven't noticed Ryan gives you anything you ask for. I think it's her way of trying to make up for the fact me and Sam screwed you outta your childhood…"

"And you want me to emotionally manipulate her so you get to keep this dog?"

Dean didn't quite appreciate the kid's accusatory tone. "No! Yes! Argh. Not exactly," he managed. "Look, Sam always wanted a dog and didn't get one. I want these kids to have everything me and him didn't. And that includes a damn pet."

Jesse sighed. "I don't like using Ryan like that."

"It's not using. It's just…nudging. She just needs a nudge."

Jesse glanced at Hope who was still giggling. Then he glanced at Bobby, who was dancing around like a loon and sighed. "Fine. I'll help."

Dean watched as Jesse moved into the room and reached out to touch the puppy who licked his hand eagerly enough. Hope smiled at him and handed him the puppy. "He's cute," Jesse whispered as he pulled the little ball of fur closer to him to snuggle against his sweatshirt. "I always wanted a dog."

Dean glanced at Ryan, who let out a growl of indignation. He quickly looked away and back at Hope, who turned to him. "So, Dad? Did you get me a puppy for my birthday?"

He sucked in a breath and decided to be a man about this. He didn't need Ryan pissed off at him, no matter how damn much he wanted to keep the little furball. Besides, it _was _a dick move to bring the thing home without calling her first and trying to bully her into it. He really couldn't do that to her. He was attempting to be a decent human being and this wasn't going to cut it. "Well, here's the deal. I found him on the side of the road and tonight it's supposed to be freezing, so I didn't want him to die out there. However, I didn't ask your mom first. She and I have to discuss it, and too, you guys have to prove you can handle looking after him. Your mom looks after all of us, she cooks, she cleans, she hunts and she trains. She takes calls and does more work than all the rest of us combined. So, you guys, all of you guys, are going to have to step it up looking after him, cleaning up after him, and training him. If you can do that, we will discuss keeping him."

"But he's going to stay here tonight?" Hope asked.

He glanced at Ryan with pleading eyes. He noticed her shoulders sagged, ever so slightly, her gait relaxed, and she gave him a corner of a smile before she nodded minutely. He smiled. "Yeah, he can stay tonight."

"Yes!" Bobby shouted and all the kids started talking at once.

He walked over to his wife again and she sighed. "I swear, just when I think I'm going to murder you in your sleep, you prove me wrong."

"I couldn't bring it in and then take it away, not on her birthday, Ryan."

"You should have called me instead of just plowing ahead. We don't work like that."

"I know."

"And I'm still pissed. I swore after Eve's reign and all those damn skin walkers I fought off, I'd never have a dog."

"I checked him with my silver knife before I brought him in the car," he told her. And he had, just to be on the safe side. He was still a hunter, and he would never want to jeopardize her or the kids.

"I'm still mad."

"I know."

She sighed. "But he's a cute little shit."

Dean grinned. "He is."

"Okay, trial basis, only. They don't step up? He's going to Sam's and it's your job to convince Andy they need a dog."

He nodded. "Done."

"I mean it, Dean. I am not going to be responsible for him twenty-four/seven. And I'm not cleaning up after he shits on the floor."

Dean's nose curled. He'd forgotten they'd have to housetrain it. "I'll make Sam come over and clean it up."

She laughed and leaned back against him. "I love you. And I love the fact you thought of the kids for this. I didn't think you liked dogs."

"I don't _love _them, but I know Sammy always wanted one and I don't want our kids to do without anything."

She turned in his arms. "You're the best daddy in the world."

He shrugged. "I'm not, but thanks."

She stood on tiptoe to kiss him. "Well, you're the best in my book."

Just then, Ben asked, "So, what'cha gonna name it, Hope? Your birthday, you get to choose, right?"

She took the puppy back from Jesse and looked into its eyes. "Canis," she stated.

Ben's brow furrowed. "Okay, I know I just started learning, but isn't that just the Latin word for 'dog'?"

She shrugged. "Oh well, it sounds better than just 'Dog' doesn't it?"

He stared at her a moment. "I've heard stories, but I've never seen you act like such…such a freaking ANGEL! Canis." He muttered low, but not low enough Dean couldn't hear him, "Canibus would be cooler, in my opinion."

Hope's eyes narrowed. "Oh, so I can't name it after what it is, but I CAN name it after your favorite recreational drug?! I swear, you're such a guy."

Dean was about to say something about the drug thing when Ben shot back, "Can't you name it something normal like 'Fido' or 'Spot' or something?"

Hope paused a moment. "You know, Hades ended up naming his dog 'Spot'. Did you know?"

Ben looked at her like she'd suddenly grown antennae. "You're like a walking encyclopedia of weird."

Her eyebrow rose. "Yeah? Well, you're like a walking encyclopedia of stupid, so…"

"Hey, you two," Ryan finally stepped in. "Cool it. His name isn't going to be Canibus, and don't think your dad and I won't talk about that one, later, Ben, but if she wants to name it 'Dog' she can. It'll save me from having to call it another name when I'm correcting it."

"It isn't 'Dog' it is 'Canis' and it's a cool name!" Hope interjected hotly.

"I wanna name him Bwackie!" Bobby shouted.

"Blackie? Original."

"Wike 'Dog' is owiginal?!" he shot back and Dean had the suspicion Gabriel was making himself known just then.

"Okay," Dean spoke up. "Here. We are a family, we can figure this out like a family." He thought fast and remembered something his dad did every once in a while, usually when he was feeling good and hadn't had a drink in a few days and decided to let the boys do something fun. It was rare, but it happened. "Vote. We get a vote. Hope gets two votes since it's her birthday. Everyone that lives here gets a vote. Ryan can vote for Jon, since he's not old enough yet. With Hope's two votes, it will have a tie breaker. How's that sound?"

Everyone grumbled but nodded in agreement. Dean snagged Jesse's beanie off his head with only a yelp of indignation and he handed out a post-it and pencil from the top of the fridge to everyone. He glanced at Claire. "Sorry. You don't live here. No vote."

She smiled. "Nah, I'd rather watch this mess unfold than vote, anyway."

He eyed her. "You sure you're not actually related to Tory?"

She just giggled.

Once everyone wrote their votes down, he collected them in Jesse's beanie. He then handed it to Claire. "You're impartial. Tally the votes."

She rolled her eyes but took the hat to the island and began reading. She smirked. "I guess not everyone thought it was stupid. By a vote of seven to two, the new puppy is officially named Canis."

Bobby looked disappointed, but walked over to the puppy and called him by his new name, which earned him a lick on the face. Ben, however, looked scandalized. He shot Jesse a cold look. "Seriously? Choosing a chick over the men's vote?"

Jesse just looked at him. "Seriously, dude? You'd rather call out 'Blackie' in the middle of the night when it's your turn to take it out for a piss? That's just childish, man."

Ben was about to get in Jesse's face when Dean grabbed him. "Go cool off. So what? I hate you didn't get your way, but let it go. It's her birthday and we decided by fair vote."

Ben's eyes narrowed but he sighed before he walked over to Hope. "Sorry, sis."

She shrugged. "No hard feelings."

Dean glanced from one to the other of his children and smiled. Yeah, he supposed they were figuring this thing out after all.

* * *

After dinner of awesome pork chops, broccoli, scalloped potatoes, and homemade biscuits, Hope opened her presents. Dean smiled at Ryan as she opened the smallest box. They had purposely saved it for last. This was something that would require a lot of work and some TLC, but he knew Hope would love it. Ryan had felt confident about it, too.

Their daughter, with the puppy sound asleep in her lap, ripped the paper off the box and lifted the lid. She gasped at the leather keychain with two keys dangling off it. "Mom? Dad?"

Ryan smiled over her cup of tea as Dean said, "She's being shipped in. She'll need a lot of work, but between me, you, and Ben, we can fix her up pretty quickly. You need to thank your brother, too, this gift is from him as well. It was his idea to get her for you."

"Thanks, Ben," Hope stated offhandedly as she continued to stare at the keys in her hand. "What is she, Dad?" she whispered.

He glanced at Ryan before a huge smile broke on his face. "She's a 1964 Ford Galaxy. I found her on auction a few towns over. She's going to need a lot of work, but I'm sure we can get her up and running by graduation."

"Seriously?"

He nodded. She jumped up, almost dumping the puppy on the floor to race over to hug Dean. "Thank you, Daddy! Thank you! This is perfect!"

He hugged her tightly and reveled in holding her for just a moment before she pulled away to hug Ryan, then, instead of hugging Ben, she sat on his lap. "So, we need to hurry and get your POS out of the garage so we can work on my baby." She stopped and it was almost as if she went into a trance. "Angel. I can…I can see her. She'll be powder blue and I'll name her 'Angel'."

Dean couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Well, she's got to get here, first. I had a time finding someone that I trusted enough to go get her. If I couldn't find someone, me and Ben were going to take off and get her ourselves, but I found someone fairly reliable."

"This is terrific!" she crowed.

"Better than a Volkswagen?" he offered.

She giggled. "Much better."

He nodded. "Good. But wait, we have one more thing we need to do, first," Dean began.

"What?"

"Driving lessons."

"I know how to drive."

"Yeah, but your dad feels the need to make sure you know how to drive," Ryan stated.

Dean nodded. "Yep. So, for the next few evenings, you're with me, kid."

"In the Impala?"

He didn't hesitate. He knew she could drive, but he wanted to teach her to drive defensively. He'd already taught Kris and Ben. "Yep. Naturally."

"Cool!"

The party wound down after that. Everyone had gotten her some useful gifts or gifts that fit for a teenage girl, so she was flying high as the party ended. Hope loved being the center of attention, but that didn't really bother Dean. Kid deserved it.

He was cleaning up the kitchen, though, when he heard sounds coming from out in the backyard. Hope had taken the puppy out for a walk. He had heard her talking to it like it understood her and he wondered if maybe Cas had been right when he said angels could talk to animals. Maybe this transition would be easier than he hoped.

He moved to walk outside to talk to her when he caught Jesse's voice. For some reason, he hung back in the shadows as Jesse approached Hope.

"Hope?"

The girl turned. "Yeah, Jess?"

"I, uh, I got you something. I didn't…I didn't want to give it to you in front of everybody…"

She smiled at that. "Yeah, they make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes and I know you're a bit lower-key than the rest of us."

The boy snorted at that. "Yeah, well…it's not much, but I worked for it and I bought it with my own money and stuff…" He handed her a small cloth bag.

Her brows furrowed as she took it from him and opened it. She poured the contents out into her hand and she gasped as something glinted from the moonlight. "Oh, Jesse, it's beautiful."

"I know your favorite color is purple and I saw this at the pawn shop downtown. The lady in there? She's kinda freaky. I think she may be psychic because she told me my friend who likes purple would love this."

Hope held up a necklace with a purple rock or gemstone on it. "Do you know what the purple gemstone means?"

He chuckled. "I googled it before I bought it. It is supposed to ward against drunkenness and instill a sober mind. It's also supposed to protect one from poison. I know you don't really need either, but I figured Dionysus would find the humor in it."

She looked up at him in awe a moment before she smiled. "It's absolutely perfect. Thank you. Put it on me, please?" She turned and lifted her hair for him to fasten it around her neck. She fingered it lightly before turned and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "I'll treasure it. Always. Thank you for being so thoughtful."

The boy's shoulders shrugged slightly. "It's just a present, Hope."

"But one you put a lot of thought into." He blushed and smiled bashfully.

Dean had seen enough. He wasn't sure what the hell to do about that, but he wasn't sure he liked it.

* * *

AN2: Until next time, peeps!


	51. She Talks To Angels

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supernatural. But, man, if I did? I couldn't top the emotional upheaval that last episode left me in. Dang. **

**Author's note: HI ALL! So, trigger warnings...suicidal stuff, mental hospitals, then my usual. Ya'll know how jacked my writing is. Prepare for the roller coaster that is this chapter. No apologies. You should be used to me by now. Mwahahaha**

* * *

**November 16**

**Ryan POV**

Sounds alerted her to the fact something was wrong. She heard a steady beep-beep-beep that signified a heart monitor and people talking from far away. Smells were next. She hated hospitals and she would know that God-awful antiseptic smell anywhere. So, with a groan, she opened her eyes.

The bright sun streaming in the window made her shut her eyes immediately and she had to force them open little bit by little bit before she was able to open them fully. Sure enough, she saw the crappy drop in ceiling tile. She turned her eyes, not her head, because it was hurting for some reason, to the left and right and, yep, saw a heart monitor beeping away with her heart.

She wracked her brain and couldn't come up with a reason why she would be here. She remembered Hope's birthday had been the week before; Dean was pissy because Jesse had given their daughter a necklace, which Ryan could admit, if only to herself, that it was the cutest thing ever. She remembered Jon graduated to a toddler bed, even though he'd only turned a year old a few weeks ago. She remembered Halloween, how much fun they'd had, carving pumpkins. It had, of course, turned into a competition between the older Winchesters and the teens, which Ryan had adamantly stayed out of. She'd bought a white pumpkin for herself and had decorated it with gold and black paint instead of carving it. They'd gone on a hay ride with the old truck Sam had just bought and they'd gone trick-or-treating as a family. Even the teens had gone. It had been fun. But anything that had transpired after that was a blur. Had they gone on a hunt? Had she fallen off the rickety stepstool Dean was always worried about? Nothing was coming to the surface.

Just then, a nurse appeared at the door. "Hello, Ryan. How are you this morning?"

She tried to speak, but found her voice rusty and her throat sore. "Water?" she croaked.

The woman nodded and moved over to her, bringing a cup with a straw. Ryan tried to move her hand to accept the cup but found it tied to the bed. She tried the other one and it was the same. When she went to move her feet, she felt the constrictions on them and the panic set it. She started thrashing and the nurse said, "Ryan, stop! You know that won't work. You'll just hurt yourself or pull your staples."

She stopped moving as she realized her arms were on fire, the pain was so strong. Both of them. She glanced down and saw both of them were bandaged, just as they were when she had tried to kill herself as a teen. "No…" she whispered. She glanced at the woman who was looking at her with an expression Ryan couldn't quite read. "What's going on? Where's Dean? I need him!"

"Who?"

"Dean Winchester! My husband!"

"Ryan, I don't know…"

"Tell me!" she demanded. "Tell me where he is! Tell me what is going on!"

"The doctor…"

"No," Ryan demanded coldly. "You. Tell. Me. What. Is. Going. On."

The woman looked ruffled but didn't hesitate to rattle off, "You were admitted ten days ago with deep lacerations on both your arms after you attempted to take your own life. You have been in and out of consciousness since then, going on about monsters and demons and family members that do not exist. Your father had you committed to this facility until such time you are no longer a danger to yourself or others."

Ryan began shaking her head. "No…no! It's not…that was when I was seventeen! Not now!"

Pity. That was the look the woman was giving her. She pitied her. "Your birthday isn't for a few months yet. I'm afraid you're still seventeen."

Ryan started screaming and didn't stop until the woman slipped something into her I.V. then the blessed unconsciousness enveloped her.

* * *

She wasn't sure how much time passed, but when she woke, it was dark and a doctor was standing at the foot of her bed, reading her chart. "Ah, good evening, Miss Fawcett."

"Winchester," Ryan growled.

His eyebrow rose as he made a notation in her chart. "Our nurse says you believe you are married?"

"I am married!" she spat.

He nodded. "Alright. Tell me a little bit about yourself."

She ground her teeth. "My name is Ryan Fawcett Winchester. My birthday is April 24, 1979. I have three children; Hope Deanna, Robert Gabriel, and Jonathan Castiel. I am married to Dean Winchester and we live in Lawrence, Kansas. I don't know what is happening, but…" Just then she realized it must be a Djinn. She must be hallucinating. She tried to recall how to get yourself out of a Djinn dream, but that was one creature she actually hadn't come up on before.

"But what?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"You should tell me more about this fantasy you have. There may be a key in your delusions to get you out of this."

"I don't NEED to get out of this! I need to wake the fuck up from this nightmare and get back to my life!"

"Miss Fawcett…"

"WINCHESTER!" she shouted.

The doctor sighed. "I will see you in the morning. I'm ordering some medications for you that should help you sleep."

He turned and walked out of the room. She dropped her head back onto the pillow and looked up at the ceiling tiles and sighed.

Days passed and Ryan's hope that someone would save her began to fade as the doctors began talking more and more about her recovery and treatment options. She knew she had lived this…hadn't she? As each day, each hour passed, she began to wonder if maybe she really was living this reality and she had dreamed the other one. After all…angels? Demons? The fact anyone would want to be with her? Why would that be real?

"Alrighty, Miss Ryan!" a chipper voice called as the nurse walked in the room. "You get your restraints taken off today! We're taking the catheter out and going to let you have a shower! Doesn't that sound awesome?!"

It really did, but she wasn't about to give this chipper chickadee the pleasure of knowing that. So, she simply nodded and waited while the woman worked, prattling on about this and that and how she was going to an *NSYNC concert over the weekend and how excited she was to see them. Ryan couldn't…it was driving her mad, all the references to the nineties. She'd lived through them. She wanted to live in her now, not her then now. "Okie-dokie, let's get you to the bathroom."

"I like him. He says 'okie-dokie'," Ryan muttered. She had read that, hadn't she? From the gospels? When Dean and Sam met Charlie for the first time? Wasn't that real?

"What did you say, sugar?" the nurse asked.

Ryan shook her head. "Nothing."

The woman helped her sit up and then slowly walk to the bathroom. Ryan had all the tubes and I.V.'s removed the day before. The woman sat her on the toilet and started the water. "Here is a wash cloth and a bar of soap. I'm going to give you just a bit of privacy, but not much, alright? I'll be right outside the door."

Ryan nodded mutely as she waited for the woman to leave. She stood in a shot, almost falling over due to the lack of use in her legs over the last few days and walked to the sink.

The mirror over it was not glass, but a metal reflective surface. She looked down at the sink, gathered her courage, and looked at herself in the mirror only a second before she screamed. She started screaming and couldn't stop. She was staring back at her seventeen year old self.

* * *

Ryan lost track of time. Someone gave her a little medal that stated it had been thirty days since she tried to kill herself. She tried to sharpen it into a shiv and it got taken away from her. Maybe this was a wraith. She needed to find something silver, but so far, she'd had no luck.

At the 45 day mark, she was escorted into a therapist's office. She glanced at the woman who smiled genially at her. "Ryan, so glad you could come."

"Yeah, because I was asked _so _politely," Ryan stated sullenly.

The woman frowned but put on her reading glasses as she glanced at Ryan's chart. "This says you're healing well…"

Ryan glanced down at the scars that were now forming on her arms. She missed the words of comfort that had been tattooed there for almost twenty years. _Carry on, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. _But she didn't feel peace. All she felt was depression. If this were a dream, Dean would have saved her by now. This wasn't a nightmare. There was no knight showing up in a black metal steed. This was her fate. Maybe she was psychic. Maybe she had all that stuff to look forward to. But then, why wasn't it making her happy? She wanted all that stuff, but maybe, just maybe, none of it was real. Maybe this was just some kind of sick joke, the fake memories. Maybe it wasn't her happily ever after. Maybe she was stuck in this hell forever.

"So, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm alive."

"That wasn't what I asked," the therapist chastised slightly. "I asked, how are you feeling?"

"Sleepy," Ryan answered honestly. "The meds, they make me tired."

The doctor noted it in her chart. "What do you want?"

_To get the hell out of here…_ "I would like to go back to my Tae Kwon Do and running."

The woman looked at Ryan's file. "Yes, you are quite physically fit, despite everything else."

Ryan gave her a bored look.

The woman cleared her throat. "I will make a notation for you to begin using the treadmill. Walking and exercise help. Exercise releases endorphins…"

"I'm aware," Ryan snipped.

The woman raised her eyebrow but remained quiet.

Moments passed, before, "Tell me about that night in the barn," Ryan pipped up suddenly.

The woman blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You've got my records, right? Tell me. Tell me everything that happened to me in that barn. And after."

"Why?"

_Because I need hope. I need to know if Dean ever really existed. _But since she couldn't say that, she went for the closest thing to truth she could; "Because I haven't asked and as many fake memories are swirling in my head, I need to know, definitively, just what exactly happened back then."

The woman paled. "Are you certain, Ryan, you wish to relive that?"

Ryan shrugged. "It's just memories, Doc. They can't hurt me now."

The woman took a deep breath and flipped through Ryan's chart. "Here we go. May Twenty-Fifth, 1990. You had just turned eleven the month before, correct?"

Ryan nodded. So far, that was meshing with what she knew.

"You were abducted outside the town's recreational center where your Girl Scout meetings were held."

Again, something Ryan knew. So far, things were on track with her memories.

The therapist cleared her throat. "Do you wish for me to continue?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

"You were held in a barn across town for approximately four hours where you were raped repeatedly by three men before your genitals were mutilated with a knife."

Ryan swallowed hard and nodded. She'd had reconstructive surgery down south. She had been very fortunate more nerves hadn't been severed. A millimeter to one side and she would have had zero sensations.

"You weren't actively bleeding at the time, so officers took you home without realizing the extent of your injuries." Here, the woman paused and Ryan waited. The woman looked up. "Are you sure you wish for me to continue?"

"I'll be honest, Doc, I don't want to relive anything else, but I've got to know. I can't…my memories…"

The woman nodded, cleared her throat again, and said, "You were in shock when you arrived back home. The courts ruled as such and when you turn 18 it will be expunged from your record…"

"Say it, Doc. I need to hear it."

The doctor swallowed hard. "When you arrived home, you murdered your mother with the knife that was also used to mutilate you. When he came to investigate the sound, you also murdered a boy who was around your age."

Ryan's stomach dropped. "What?"

The therapist nodded and consulted the notes again. "Yes. A boy by the name of Dean Winchester."

"What?!"

"Another boy, Samuel Winchester, ran away and hid. He was saved. You passed out and began bleeding as you chased him. You almost died on the operating table."

"B-But Dean…"

The older woman looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry. You murdered him, Ryan. You killed Dean Winchester."

That was the last thing Ryan remembered as she checked out of consciousness yet again.

* * *

**November 11 (5 days prior)**

**Andy POV **

_Shut up, _she pled in her head as he prattled on. _For the love of God, shut your pie-hole! _She tried taking a deep breath like Ryan told her. _Fucking yoga can go take a long fucking walk off a short fucking pier 'cuz it doesn't fucking work. _He was still talking. Blah, blah, blah.

She couldn't stand it any longer and shouted, "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, SAM! I just wanted to live in the fucking house, not tear it apart! I'm so fucking tired of you and the house and I honest to God wish the damn thing would burn to the ground so we could quit arguing about it!" She blinked and looked at him.

He had his 'sad, hurt, puppy dog' face on again and she closed her eyes as she groaned and rubbed a hand across her face. She tried one more breath. When that didn't work, she yelled, "Do whatever the fuck you want with the fucking wall. Knock it down. Paint it pink and have a picture of Dean wearing a tutu on it, I honestly don't give a shit anymore. I'm out."

"Where are you…?"

"Anywhere but here!" she exclaimed. "Come on, Bobby!" she yelled toward the little boy who was studiously writing his letters in the corner of the war room. "I'm taking you to the park and for some French fries."

"Just running away?" Sam questioned snidely.

Her eyes narrowed as she picked up Bobby's coat and helped him into it. Her voice was lethal as she seethed, "No, I'm walking away before I put a bullet between your eyes because I'm so damn tired of hearing your voice, Sam!" She snatched the little boy's hand and helped him up the steps. She met Dean on his way into the bunker and said, "I think your brother is on the rag. Take care of that shit, will you? Me and Bob need a break from the man."

Dean's eyes widened, but he knew her well enough to leave her alone for now. She already had Bobby's car seat in her and Sam's 2007 Ford 500. It was a decent ride and had a huge fucking trunk. Dean had outfitted the weapon's cache and she'd helped him. It had been fun. Not much in her life was fun anymore.

After she tore ass out of the bunker, Bobby asked softly, "Are you and Unca Sam having issues?"

She smiled despite herself. "Issues" had been one of Bobby's new words and it could mean anything. It was adorable and so was he. She could hear the tears in her voice as she told him, "Yeah, bud, we're having issues."

"You cans work it out," he stated with a head bob. "I knows it."

"Wish I had that much faith," she commented under her breath. Another attempt at a calming breath later, she asked,"Wanna go eat or to the park first?"

"Park!" he shouted and she turned toward Memorial Park, which, for some reason, he called 'Manly Park'. She didn't ask, she just went with it. When they got there, a crowd of kids were there from the local Boy's and Girl's club. "I guess kids got out early today?"

Bobby nodded as he unbuckled and climbed into the front seat. "Uh-huh. All the kids gots outs early. Hopey was gonna go to the diner wif Kwissy and the boys are going to the bunker."

"Good thing we got outta there then, huh?"

Bobby grinned before his face fell. "I's be glad when Jon is big enuffs to pway wif."

She nodded as she opened the door and let him scamper out behind her. "Me too, bud. You'll love that."

"It's gonna be wots of fun!"

She bent down and kissed him right on his freckled nose. "Go on, go play. I'll sit on the bench and watch you, okay? Remember, no powers, right?"

"Okay, Aunt Mommy!"

She shook her head as she walked over to the bench. She wasn't sure where the 'Aunt Mommy' business was coming from, but it wasn't bothering her. She liked it. She sat on a bench enjoying the wintry sunlight a moment and loved hearing his peals of laughter as he climbed up the rock wall and slid down the slide.

"Is this seat taken?" she heard a tired voice ask.

She opened her eyes to find a young mother pushing a stroller along with a little one about Bobby's age, pulling her arm, begging to go play.

Andy smiled and shook her head. "Feel free."

The young woman sat down and blew out a breath. "He finally went to sleep," she commented of the baby in the stroller.

Andy peeked inside to see a tiny little bundle, sleeping peacefully. "Bless you," Andy murmured.

"Which one is yours?"

Andy pointed to Bobby's lime green and navy jacket. "That one. He's my nephew."

"Oh, I remember bringing my nieces to the park. Good practice for the future."

Andy nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Unless you don't want kids!" the woman spoke quickly. "I get chastised because some people don't want them. I mean, you don't have to have kids and…"

Andy put a hand on the woman's arm. "I get it. It's okay. And, yeah, I do. Sooner rather than later, maybe, it's just tough. We're arguing now and ugh…" she trailed off and sighed.

"Oh, I know all about that. We fight more than we don't, but at the core of it, we love each other. And love is what makes it work. You can be spitting mad and then, just when you think you want to give up, you look at them and realize, you don't want to give them up, you can't imagine your life without them. You need them in your life more than you need air in your lungs."

Andy smiled. "Then there's hope, huh?"

The woman nodded. "Yeah. It is." Just then, the baby woke crying, loudly. "Sorry!" the woman cried as she picked the baby up and started trying to shush him, looking pretty darn near tears, herself.

The noise of the crying baby attracted Bobby, who walked over with the woman's older son. "Is you baby okay?" Bobby asked.

"Yes, he's just colicky."

Bobby's head tilted to the side and he reached out a hand to squeeze the baby's hand. Immediately the baby stopped crying and looked at him with a smile. Bobby returned it. "He is a nice baby," Bobby commented before he ran back off.

Andy blinked. She'd just seen the kid heal that baby of something, she was sure of it. Just then, she heard, "Aunt Mommy! I wants to go over dere to the odder slide!"

Andy stood, wished the woman luck with the baby, and followed Bobby to a different area of the park. "Did you heal that baby, Gabriel?"

The little boy nodded as he swung his hand in Andy's. "Yep! He's was sick and his mommy didn't even knows it. So I makeded him betters."

Andy stopped him and knelt down in his face. "You're awesome, you know that, Bobby?"

The boy grinned. "I know."

She rolled her eyes. "And you have your father's modesty, obviously."

"When you're goods, you're goods, Aunt Mommy."

She laughed as she sat on a new bench. "You're a little stinker. I love you, you know that?"

"Luffs ya!" he shouted as he ran off to the other piece of playground equipment.

That's where she was an hour later, when Dean showed up.

"Figured I'd find you here," he said as he plopped his ass down next to her.

"Did he send you?" she asked on a sigh.

He looked offended. "Noooooo, hell no, Doc. I decided to butt in."

She loved Dean, more than she wanted to admit, the meddlesome brother-like creature that he was…"Naturally," she deadpanned.

He sighed. "Look, this shit between the two of you is just that. Shit."

She couldn't argue with him. She knew he was right. So why couldn't they stop arguing? "Dean, I'm so damn tired of the fighting. I mean, he could say the sky is blue and I'd argue it was red. If I said the sun was hot, he'd adamantly refuse and say it was made of ice. I just…" she felt the tears stinging her eyes. "Fuck."

He wrapped his arm around her and held her a few moments as she tried to compose herself. When she sniffed and pulled away, he said, "Come on, Doc, I just…I know it's tough, okay? I mean, I've lived with the guy his whole damn life with the exception of three times, a total of six years. That's…that's guano. I know the guy. He's not trying to be a dick…"

"Coulda fooled me," she murmured.

Dean shot her a thin-lipped look. "I'm just saying, the two of you have got to do this whole talking thing a bit better than you are."

"And then what? Do you think that will actually work? Talking?"

He shrugged. "Can't hurt."

She sighed. "You know me. I don't do the touchy-feely shit like he and Ryan do. I mean, I'm a girl, yeah, but I just…don't have that particular gene."

"You may have to just give it a shot. I know I did. And it works, hate to admit it, but it does."

She let out another sigh. "I don't know…maybe."

He nudged her and smiled. "Well, I've got some good news."

"What?"

"This case? You and Ryan are taking it."

She shot him an incredulous look. "You're shitting me."

He shook his head. "I think you two need a break from us. Go on, get out there, kill something, then come back, make up with Sam…"

Her brow furrowed. "You want me to leave…now?"

"You and Ryan are leaving in a few hours, yeah. I have Sam doing paperwork at the bunker. Go home, pack everything you need, go to our house."

She stood. "Dean…thanks, I…" she looked over at Bobby. "What about the kid?"

Dean smiled and stood. "Yo, Bob! Wanna go get lunch with Daddy?"

The little boy ran over. "Wif jus you, Daddy?"

Dean nodded. "Just me."

"Yay!" He looked at Andy. "Sorry, Aunt-Mommy. Cans we gets a raincheck?"

She chuckled and knelt down to his level. "Sure, Bobby. Raincheck it is."

"Awesome!" he crowed as he grabbed Dean's hand. "Come on, Daddy! We can go eat now!"

Dean smiled and hoisted the kid onto his shoulders. "Let's go get the car seat from Aunt Andy's car. You mind chilling out with me and everyone else while Mommy and Aunt Andy go on a hunt?"

The boy pretended to think a minute. "Cans we eat chocolate cake while Mommy is gone?"

Dean pondered over that. "I don't know…"

"Pwease?!"

Dean chuckled. "Sure. I guess so. But not near bedtime. During the middle of the day when you can run off that sugar high."

"YAY!"

Andy walked with them to her car and grabbed the boy's booster seat out of the car. She walked it over to the Impala and slipped it into the back seat. "Thank you, Dean. For the hunt, and for letting Ryan go with me."

He shrugged. "Well, she needs to get out of the house, too, and you sure as hell don't need to take Sam with you. The way you two are going at it, I can't be sure one of you wouldn't feed the other to the monster…"

She took a deep breath. "You really think we're going to figure this out? Seriously?"

He looked at her a moment before he nodded. "If I hadn't lived through these arguments, I'd say no, but I know you and I know him and I know how this goes. You'll work through it. Eventually. Right now? You two did everything at warp speed. Stands to reason you'd argue at it, too."

"I just hope we don't end up burning out before we hit a steady flame," she commented as she looked down at her boots.

He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. "I already told you it will. You gotta believe me."

"Why, Dean? What makes you so sure?"

"Because those dickbag angels fuck up a lot, but putting you and Sam together? One of the best damn decisions they ever made."

She smiled at that. "Thanks, Dean. Really."

"Don't go getting juicy on me now, Doc," he warned teasingly.

Her smile grew. "Fine then, asshole." She held out a hand. "I'll look after your wife if you look after my man. Deal?"

He nodded and shook her hand. "Deal."

* * *

It took her no time at all to pack and she was back over at Dean and Ryan's before Ryan had even finished getting her gear together. "Come on, Ryan, I didn't know you were such a girl about stuff!" she exclaimed as she flopped onto the bed amid a bunch of clothes.

"I had shit to do for the monsters before I could do any of this," Ryan growled from the closet. She walked out carrying her FBI power suit. "Ugh. It's almost not worth going on a hunt."

Andy grinned. "You say that shit now. About the time we're neck deep in bodies, you'll be singing a different tune."

Ryan shot her a look. "The evidence says there's only one, Andy, not a passel of them."

"A passel? You're reverting to redneck speak. What does that mean?"

Ryan grinned. "Fuck you. And it's trailer trash, not redneck. Learn the difference."

Andy laughed out loud. "God, I'm so glad we're doing this."

"Me too." Ryan folded a few items into her bag and glanced over at her. "You okay?"

"Dean talk to you?"

She shook her head. "Sam did."

"Hell, Ryan…I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

Ryan nodded. "I know. And I understand. I just…I've been there. Loving a Winchester? Toughest job on the planet. I want to kill him as much as I want to fuck him senseless. Just…if you need an ear, seriously, I'm here for you."

"Sometimes I think you take Sam's side more than you take mine," Andy pouted. She knew it sounded childish, but she couldn't quite help it.

Ryan shrugged. "Sometimes he's right, Andy. But then I realize however much you may be like Dean, I'm like Sam. And that's okay, too. Dean says the two of you 'get' each other. Well, so do Sam and I. I can see his side of it, but I can also see yours. I don't want to take sides in this thing. And I refuse to. I'm objective, alright? So you say you need to talk? I'm not going to run to Sam like some damn snitch, okay? What you say? It stays between me and you. I swear it."

Andy swallowed hard. She hadn't realized that was what she needed to hear. In this one instance, she knew why it was better to have a girlfriend than Dean. Ryan might have her faults, but she wouldn't involve Sam if he didn't need to be in it. Dean would. Dean would try to fix it. Ryan would just listen and be a shoulder. "Thanks, Ryan. Seriously."

Ryan nodded as she hoisted her bag. "Okay. Enough emoting, as Dean would say. Let's burn rubber and go kill us a monster!"

"Whoohoo!" Andy shouted as she jumped from the bed. "Let's hit it."

* * *

It was a djinn. And they ganked it spectacularly. She loved working with Ryan. The two of them made one hell of a team. The whole car ride to the west coast was full of giggles and singing along with every song that came on the radio. In those times, they weren't wives, they didn't have a life besides the open road and the weapons in the trunk, and it had been the vacation both of them needed. Researching the case, figuring out the mystery, and killing monsters was always relaxing to her.

There were times Andy missed hunting demons, though. The demons were always wiley and tried to fuck with your head. Andy loved that because she liked to think she was pretty damn smart. But hunting monsters? That was brute force. And sometimes you just needed to get the shit beaten out of you and beat the shit out of something to feel better. And right now, as Ryan bound her broken rib, she felt like she owned the fucking world. "What a rush!" Andy crowed.

Ryan chuckled and then winced. The djinn had battered them both around. Andy had a broken rib, but Ryan had a broken face. Well, not really, but she did have a few cuts and scrapes and more than a few bruises forming. Her lip was split and while her eye wasn't swollen shut, it definitely would be black by morning. And she had a cut on her cheek that had bled like nobody's business. "Well, we lived." She finished wrapping Andy's chest and went to look at the mirror. "Shit. Dean is going to kill me."

"Hey, it'll heal. Or, we can have Hope fix you up. No biggie."

Ryan poked at her lip, causing it to seep a bit more blood. "Maybe we can get to her before he sees us."

"Now THAT sounds like something I would do." Andy nodded and fell back onto the bed, wheezing out a breath as pain lanced through her. "I say we do that."

Ryan chortled under her breath. "You want take out?"

"Not Chinese. Think anywhere with burgers or subs will deliver?"

Ryan looked at the meager list of places that delivered in the phone book and curled her nose. "How 'bout I go get us something? A sub sounds awesome."

"I know, right? Piled high with meat…"

"After that hunt and the high you're riding, that's not the meat you want," Ryan stated.

Andy shot her a grin. "You are not wrong, my friend. I'm so damn horny I could probably fuck a goat."

Ryan's nose curled. "I so didn't need to hear that."

Andy laughed so hard she wheezed out a breath as the pain sliced her again. She hated breaking ribs because nothing really made them feel better.

Ryan chuckled then grimaced. "Didn't mean to make you laugh."

"I'll live."

"Alright. I'll go get food and bring it back. But only because I love you."

"You, my dear best friend, are what dreams are made of."

Ryan smacked her leg as she reached next to the bed for her purse. "Don't tell me you're so horny after the hunt, you'd settle for sex with me, Andy."

"I don't know, you're pretty hot with a silver knife dipped in lamb's blood in your hand."

"Flattery will not get you into my pants, Winchester."

Andy winked at her. "Wrong Winchester, huh?"

"Wrong sex, too, babe."

"Damn. Well, maybe I'll call Sam, get a little phone sex while you're gone…"

"I'll make sure to knock first, just in case."

"Good deal." Ryan stood there a moment. "What?" Andy wanted to know.

"Have you talked to him? I mean, I've left you alone for the past few days about it while we hunted the damn thing, but we killed it, and now we're going home and I just…"

Andy cleared her throat. "We've been texting."

"And?"

"And I'm going to call him now."

"Swear?"

Andy rolled her eyes. "I swear, 'Mom', I will call him."

"Good. I'll be back."

"How do you know what I want on my sub?"

Ryan shot her a pointed look. "I've known you for more years than both my boys have been alive, Andy. I know what you want on your damn sub."

Andy watched her walk to the door and she called out, "I love you, Ryan!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too," Ryan stated before she closed the door behind her.

Andy chuckled but then sighed as she looked at the innocent seeming phone on the bedside table. She really did need to call Sam. She'd bet money Ryan was calling Dean to check in on him. She reached over, muttering a curse at the pain in her side, and punched Sam's number.

He picked up on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, babe."

"Andy. Thank God. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sam. We killed it. Ryan's gone for dinner. I'm chilling out here at the motel room."

"But you're not hurt?"

She hesitated only a second before she said, "Not really. He went down swinging, but we're both fine. I promise."

"You swear it? I could have killed Dean for letting you two go out…"

"Why? Because we're women?" she began defensively.

"What? Of course not! You two are two of the best hunters I know! No, I…I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you and the last thing we did was argue, Andrea."

She closed her eyes. She loved to hear him say her given name. Usually it was in the heat of passion, breathed out on a moan of pleasure, and she swallowed hard as she remembered the last time they'd had sex, the morning before the fight, before she left. "I'm sorry, Sam. I just…I know you want to do renovations to the house and I just…I can't handle it. I don't want to think about it. I really don't mind, though. Just, don't ask me to make decisions. I know it is my house, too, but the only thing I want is a sunroom on the back. Do that for me? The rest is golden. I don't care if you take it down to the foundation and build it back up, just don't ask me to make decisions. I don't care if the doorknobs are antique brass or silver. I don't care if the faucets have a single knob or one for each side. I don't care if the cabinets are white or whitewashed or mahogany. Don't make me make those decisions. I'm not interested in them. If you bring me something and say you want to do it and I really hate it, I'll tell you. Otherwise, just let it go and make all the decisions. Seriously."

He blew out a breath on the other end of the line. "I want it to be _our _house with joint decisions. Dean and Ryan…"

"Dean and Ryan aren't us," she reminded him. "They picked out paint colors and shit because Dean decided to be domestic and homey and he never had a house to call his own and he never had a stable environment. Ryan didn't either, until she had kids, then she had an idea of what she wanted and they had to work through that. Sam, I grew up in a real house with a real, while fucked up, family. I had all that shit and you didn't. So you have always dreamed of having a red kitchen because you once stayed somewhere and it's attached to a good memory? More power to you. Paint the kitchen red. You want a fireplace in the bedroom because you want to be able to cuddle with a roaring fire? It sounds kind of gay, but I'm game. I do not care about shit like that. You do. So…do it, babe. I'm not saying I don't care because I don't care. I'm saying I don't care because I know you do and I know whatever you choose will be awesome."

"You mean that, don't you?"

"You know I do. Now, you start throwing words around like 'mustard' or 'chartreuse' and we'll have to talk because I hate those two colors, but everything else? Gravy, babe."

He was quite a moment before he asked, "What the hell color is 'chartreuse'?"

She laughed out loud, not giving a fuck about how much her side hurt. "It's a color halfway between yellow and green. It's butt ugly. Looks like sick grass to me."

He laughed as well. "So noted." They were both silent a moment before he said, "Hey, I love you."

"God, I love you, too, Sam. So fucking much."

"You said Ryan left out for a few minutes?"

The corner of her lip rose. "Yeah, I did."

"You wanna fool around?"

"I never turn down phone sex," she told him.

"Me either."

"You somewhere alone?"

"I'm at home on our huge bed, Andrea."

She huffed out a breath as desire flashed through her. "Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"And just how clothed are you right now, Samuel?"

"At the moment? Just in my boxer briefs."

She smirked. "You were pretty damn sure you were getting lucky, huh?"

"Just wishful thinking, baby," he purred and she was gone. All that man had to do was call her 'baby' and she would do anything for him. And he knew it.

* * *

After she hung up with Sam, feeling more relaxed than she had in forever it seemed, or at least for the last week, she cleaned herself up, moving around like an old woman now that the oxytocin had left her brain, and slid into some clean clothes. A glance at the clock told her Ryan should have been back by now. She quickly dialed her friend's number. When she heard the line open up, she said, "Look, I didn't really mean you had to sit out there and wait for me to finish, although I appreciate it like you can't begin to imagine." When Ryan didn't answer, she said, "Hello?" She heard deep breathing on the other end. "Ryan?"

Her blood ran cold as Ryan screamed, "ANDY!" and the line went dead.

Andy stared at the phone a moment before she quickly burst into action, throwing her boots on and dialing Sam simultaneously.

"Hey, kitten, you need more?" he asked in way of answering.

"No. Something happened. Someone, something took Ryan!"

"What?! Andy, are you sure?"

"I…yeah, I think so. Can you…"

"Triangulate her number? Yeah, give me two seconds to get downstairs to the laptop…" she heard his footsteps running down the hall, down the wooden stairs, across the linoleum to the kitchen table. "Okay, give me a couple of minutes…"

"Hurry," Andy demanded as she slid her gun in its holster, gathered her spare clips and knife, then glancing at the silver knife sitting on the dinette table. Ryan had brought it in and cleaned it while Andy showered. She picked it up. The lamb's blood was in the trunk of the car. "I don't know what it could be," she said as she walked to the door. "We killed the djinn…"

"Were there two of them?"

"I…"

"Andy!"

"I don't know! Maybe? The evidence suggested one, but if they were a team or a couple or something…"

"Male or female?"

"Huh?"

"Andy, calm down. Was it a male or female djinn you killed?"

"Male."

She could all but hear him nod. "Okay, so, if it was male, this one could be its mate. The only time Dean and I killed a team, it was mother and son. I doubt the males would hang out in a pack, but I could be wrong. I hunted some before, one was after Dean, and it was a family. But that was during Eve's rein and…" he trailed off. "Okay, I got her. She's across town from you. You're at the Sleepy Bear Inn, right?"

"Yeah. Shit. I don't have a car. And the lamb's blood is in the fucking trunk!"

"Hang on. All the cars are equipped with low-jack, even Ryan's Falcon. Give me a few seconds…" she heard his fingers flying over the keyboard before he said, "It's parked outside a sub shop two blocks from you."

"Good. I'll jog over there…"

He let out a snort. "You're…jogging?"

"Ha, fucking ha, Sam. Yes, Two blocks? No use hotwiring a car to get me to her car, which is what I'll drive to kill this son of a bitch."

He was silent as she ran and by the time she arrived at the car, her side was killing her and she was more than a little winded.

"Think you and Dean need to start joining us on our morning runs?" he asked sarcastically.

"No, I just need to lay off the booze. And no commentary. Got it?"

"Wouldn't dream of picking a fight at the moment. You need to focus on Ryan. I'm not telling Dean, yet. I don't need my ass in a sling."

"Good move. I'll call you and I'll call him after. I swear."

"Andrea…"

"It'll be okay, Sam. Love you."

"Love you, too. Be careful."

"I will."

She felt under the wheel well for the extra key she knew was there and grabbed the key for the trunk. She opened it and dipped the knife in the jar of blood before she dashed to the driver's side, plugged the address Sam had given her into her phone's GPS and tore ass out of the parking lot.

She made it to the abandoned warehouse quickly enough and tried to slow her heartbeat as she stood from the car, taking care to put on gloves and grab a scarf. The less skin the djinn had the chance to touch, the better her chances were of making it out of there alive. If the creature got her down, touched her face and lit up those tacky-ass blue tattoos, she was a goner.

She stealthily slipped into the building and looked around. She saw Ryan tied to a steel girder and she clenched her teeth in anger at the beast that stole her friend away. She stopped and listened. Sure enough, a younger woman walked over to Ryan. "My, my, my, I've never seen anyone as susceptible to the nightmares before. Impressive. You're too much fun, Ryan. Too, too much fun. I almost hate to kill you."

"You're not," Andy stated gravely as she walked from her hiding place.

"Ah, yes, the other one. You were the ones that killed my mate!"

Andy shrugged. "And I care, why? You're killing people."

"So we can live!"

Again, Andy shrugged. "I don't really give a shit. You kill people? You're a monster. I kill monsters. I'm a hero."

The woman's eyes flared in anger and she attacked.

It was evident that while the chick was strong, if only because she was a monster, she was not well versed in fighting her food. Clearly the male she had been who did the heavy lifting. Andy got the creature backed into the wall and they fought for the knife, but Andy, though smaller than the woman by at least six inches and twenty pounds, was stronger, thanks to her workout ethics, even if she wasn't a runner, and she managed to stab the creature in the neck. She shrieked as Andy removed the blade and jammed it into the woman's heart, killing her.

Andy stumbled away as the pain in her ribs intensified. "Ryan!" she shouted as she managed to make it to her friend and get the ropes sliced off her. Ryan's dead weight landed on her and with an "Oof!" she lowered Ryan to the floor.

"Ryan! Come on!" she shouted as she started shaking her. That was when she noticed the blue handprint on Ryan's arm. Charlie and Dean had told her once about the djinn that attacked Charlie and she remembered it took a dose of African Dream Root and Dean jumping into her dream to snap her out of it.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath as she checked Ryan over for other injuries before she ran back out to the car. Dean had managed to procure some of the herb not long ago, just in case of issues like this. She dialed Sam's number as she ran. "Sam!" she shouted when he answered.

"Is she…"

"She's alive and the djinn is dead, but she's under its effects still. I've gotta do that Dream Root shit. How do I mix it?"

"Okay, you've got all the stuff in the trunk?"

"Yeah," she stated as she lifted the lid. She found the herbs in a jar. "I got the stuff. Now what?"

"Grab the mortar and pestle and the baggies of other herbs next to it along with the propane tank, pot, mug, and the stove eye attachment. Take it, the jar, and some of your holy water back with you to check on her."

"Okay." She grabbed up her gear, dumped it into an empty duffle and ran back into the building. Her side was killing her but she didn't have time for that shit now. "Now what?" she panted as she fell to her knees next to Ryan.

"Dump the water into the pot and boil it. Grab one of the baggies and dump the other stuff except the packet of sugar together in a cup. Snag some of Ryan's DNA…"

"DNA?"

"Hair, fingernail, blood, boogers, spit, whatever…"

"Okay, that's nasty," she commented.

"Is the water boiling yet?"

"Not quite," she commented as she bent over Ryan. She plucked one of Ryan's hairs and said, "Got the DNA. Now what?"

"Once the water boils, pour it into the stuff in the cup. Stir it up, add in some of the sugar from one of the packets. Let it steep for two minutes. After that, drop in the DNA."

She kept a close eye on her watch as Sam prattled off instructions for once she fell into the dream. When two minutes hit, she interrupted him. "Done."

"Okay, drop in the hair and drink it. Lay down as soon as possible because it happens almost instantaneously. Be aware, though, we don't know what she's dreaming, Andy. I don't know what hell you'll find in her head. Be careful, okay? I'm going to stay on the line and as soon as you wake up, you call to me. Got it?"

"Y-Yeah, babe. I got it."

"It's okay. You can do this."

She swallowed hard, sat the phone down, picked the cup up, added the hair and downed the drink. "Ugh. Ryan, I love ya but you taste like shit," she commented seconds before she felt herself slump forward onto Ryan's body.

* * *

She blinked awake and looked around. She was sitting at a desk. A glance down at herself showed a nurse's scrubs. She looked around the room and stood quickly, swaying slightly at the sensation. When she had her sea legs, she walked out of the room and realized she was in a hospital. But not just any hospital, the psych ward.

"Oh, Ryan…" she commented. She hurried over to the nurse's station and began rummaging around. The place was full of people, but none of them seemed to notice her as she kept looking for her friend's file. She found it and gasped. She was trapped in Ryan's recovery from her suicide attempt, when she was just seventeen. "Fuck, Ryan, why this one?"

She didn't dwell on reading the report; it wasn't her place to, and quickly found Ryan's room number. She dashed down the hall and raced to Ryan's room…to find it empty. An orderly was cleaning it. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The patient!"

He blinked. "Uh…she should be in the common room. Most of the patients go there if they're behaving. She seems to be better since they dosed her. She was stark raving mad about how she was an adult, she was married…" he shook his head. "Battier than a belfry, I tell ya."

She clenched her jaw and had to fight not to deck the asshat. "Thanks," she ground out as she hurried back out of the room. She dashed down the hall and there…she found her.

She was huddled in a huge arm chair, legs up, resting her chin on her knees, toying with something in her hand. "Ryan?"

It was Ryan, but it wasn't. She was a teenager. "Yeah? Time for my medicine?"

"N-No. It's me. Andy."

Ryan looked at her blankly. "Andy?"

"Andrea Blackwell Winchester."

The girl (because she was definitely still a girl) just looked at her. "Oh. I see."

"What?" Andy asked as she sat on the coffee table in front of her.

Ryan toyed with the cross that was in her hand. It was a rosary, a broken one, but a rosary, all the same. Andy's brows furrowed. Ryan wasn't Catholic. Her family had been Baptist. "You're one of those…one of my hallucinations."

"Do you have a lot of those?"

She shook her head. "No. I don't think so. But they say I do. They say I'm only seventeen. They said the whole life I lived was a dream. I didn't do all those things. Monsters aren't real. And neither is Dean." She gasped. "I killed him. I killed Dean. It wasn't a demon. It was me. And I killed him!"

"Ryan, Ryan!"

But Ryan was already wailing.

"It wasn't a dream! It was real!" Andy shouted as two orderlies started walking over. "Ryan! Snap out of it! It was real! Dean needs you! He's real!" She felt herself being restrained as the orderly shot something into Ryan's arm. "No! Listen to me! Fight them! Fight it!"

"How did you get out and get nurse's clothes?!" One of the orderlies shouted at her. "Damn it, Earl, give me one of those shots! She's a feisty little bitch!"

She tried to fight, but the guy had her in a hold she couldn't get out of. "No! Let me go! This is a dream! This isn't real!" She felt the needle pinch her skin only moments before she gasped awake in the warehouse.

"Andy!" she heard Sam's tinny voice from her phone. "Andy!"

She picked up the phone with shaky hands as she looked over at Ryan. It didn't work. "Sam? Sam, it didn't work! She wouldn't wake up! What am I going to do?!"

* * *

**Dean POV **

It was almost bedtime and Dean was tired. He needed to do more shit for Ryan. She put up with the monsters, the dog, the teens, him, she needed a fucking vacation, not a damn hunt. Maybe he could talk Sam and Andy into watching the kids while he took her for a long weekend. That would be nice. A big ass bed, just the two of them, room service…it could work.

"Daddy!" he heard the cry from upstairs where Bobby was putting on his pajamas. Lately he'd become an independent little shit, so Dean was letting him get dressed. He sighed and hoisted Jon onto his hip. It was time for him to go to bed, too. "Come on, let's see what brother is up to."

"Bah-bah!" the baby exclaimed. He was starting to say a few words now. They didn't often sound like anything, but he was trying.

Dean nodded. "Yep. Bobby needs us. Let's go!" he shouted as he ran up the stairs.

The baby giggled and shouted, "Go!"

They made it up the stairs and Dean glanced down at his other son, who was currently crying and holding his precious, his blue monkey as if the thing was dead. Dean deposited Jon on the floor and walked over to Bobby. "What's up?"

"He's gots a hole!" Bobby shouted. "Mama! I needs Mama to fixes him!"

Dean glanced at the hole in the sock monkey. "Dude, I can do this."

The tears dried up instantaneously. "You cans?"

Dean nodded. "I stitched up myself and Uncle Sammy more times than I can count. Come on. Let's go to my bedroom and we'll get Mama's sewing kit."

"Rewwy?"

Dean nodded. "Really. Let's go. Come on, Jon."

The littlest boy toddled after them as they walked to the other bedroom. Dean made sure the gate at the top of the stairs was latched before he opened their bedroom door. He walked over to Ryan's side of the bed and looked in her bottom nightstand drawer where her sewing kit was. She wasn't a seamstress, by any means. Neither was he, but his wife could sew a button on with a speed that amazed him, and he'd seen her stitch Blue more times than he could count. Not because he couldn't count high, but because the little boy was rough on the damn stuffy.

Bobby helped Jon climb onto the bed before he quickly scampered up. "Alright, give me the patient," Dean told him.

Bobby handed over the monkey somewhat reluctantly and Dean looked at the hole. It was a simple enough one. "Alright. We got this." Dean made quick work of threading the needle, tying off the end, and quickly stitching up the hole. He handed the monkey back to Bobby, who eyed it carefully before he beamed a thousand watt smile and jumped into Dean's arms. "Fanks, Daddy! You's a hero! You saveded Blue and mades me happy!"

Dean smiled as he hugged the boy and took a deep breath. The kid always smelled like cookies and dirt, no matter what time of day. He closed his eyes a moment and reveled in the kid being his arms before he said, "Alright, dudes, bedtime, okay?"

Bobby jumped off the bed and ran back to his room. Dean smiled, grabbed Jon from the bed where he was currently chewing on Ryan's pillow, and carried him back to the boys' room.

After saying prayers, because, yeah, they did that, and kissing and hugging each boy a billion times, and reading the damn iguana book twice, he shut their door and walked back downstairs for a beer. He was just flipping on the TV when his phone rang. He had talked to Ryan earlier; she's said she was going to grab them something for dinner, but now, he figured she had gotten the food, ate, and was calling to tell him goodnight. He was hoping to see her the next day. He missed her like crazy. "Hey, babe. You two calling it a night?"

"Dean?!"

"Andy?!" he shouted. "What's wrong?"

"It's…God, I'm so sorry…"

Dread filled his stomach as his enchiladas threatened to come back up. "Andy, what happened?!"

"She's alive, but she got taken by a second djinn when she went out for the food. We didn't know they were mated. She took her and she dosed her and I tried to wake her and I did the Dream Root shit and she still won't wake up!"

"What?!"

"She's trapped in a nightmare, Dean! I can't get her to wake up! I went into her dream and she wouldn't believe me! She thinks she's there!"

Dean had jumped up sometime and he walked to the door just as Sam walked in it. "Dean…"

He held up a hand. "Andy, what…I can't…you two are in fucking San Diego! What…"

"Dad," Hope called from the steps. She had been upstairs in her room. "I can take you."

"You can fly?!"

She winced. "Uh…surprise?"

"You're not supposed to know how to fly yet! Gabriel said it was your fourteenth birthday!"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's just…let me, okay? I can get you there."

Dean glanced at Sam, who nodded. "Go. I got the boys."

Dean swallowed hard. "I'm coming, Andy. Hang on, okay? Keep her safe."

"I will, Dean, I swear."

He put the phone in his pocket and glanced at his daughter. "You'd better be right, Hope."

She nodded. "I can do this, Daddy. I swear."

He sucked in a breath, nodded, and closed his eyes. He felt the sensation and the breath whooshed out of him only a moment before he felt Hope stumble next to him. He opened his eyes and looked at her. Blood was gushing out of her nose at a rate that would have worried him had she been only human. "Hope?"

"I'm fine!" she shouted. "Save Mom!"

He looked at Andy who handed him a cup. He didn't wait, just sat next to Ryan, downed the cup, and promptly passed out.

* * *

He woke in the hospital, wearing a lab coat. He blinked a few times until he got his wits about him and went to find his wife. He strolled through the halls with a snarl on his face, daring anyone to question him. When he made it to the patient's floor, he barked, "Ryan Fawcett," at one of the nurses.

The woman had the decency to look afraid of him. "Room 124."

He wondered if Ryan had made the connection. It was his birthday. He strode down the hall and walked to her room. At least, he thought it was her…no, it was definitely her, but he'd not seen her like this before. She was a teen, no more than sixteen or seventeen. He had never realized how much Hope looked like her mother. Same lithe build, same hair, same eyes; the only difference was his nose and mouth on his daughter's face. This was Ryan. And she was currently talking out of her head. She was also strapped down to the bed. "Ryan! God, baby…"

She looked over at him as he began removing the restraints. "Nooooo…"

"Ryan? Come on, sweetheart. It's me, Dean."

"Dean is dead!" she shouted as she scampered as far away from him as the single restraint on her other arm would allow. "I don't know who you are, but he's dead!"

His hands stilled as he blinked. "Ryan?"

"I killed him!" she spat. "It wasn't a demon! It was me! I killed my mom and I killed Dean!" she began sobbing great wracking sobs that shook her whole frame.

He swallowed hard. If she was that far into this…no, he knew he could help her. "Ryan, baby, it's me, I swear."

"You're a hallucination," she blubbered. "You're not real!" She started rocking and humming.

He watched her for a minute, trying to figure out what to do. That was when he recognized the tune. Relief flooded him. "That song? It's called 'Unwell' and it's by Matchbox Twenty."

She didn't look at him, but she did stop rocking as she stated in petulant, teenage voice, "Yeah? So?"

He smiled. "Sweetheart, Matchbox Twenty didn't release that song until 2003. I know, because it's one of your favorites. It speaks to you. You told me about it a little bit, on the drive back from the Bunker, when you and Hope saved me from becoming a demon. You saved me from more than that. You love me and I love you. I swear it. You were on a hunt with Andy, Sam's wife, one of your best friends. You killed one of the djinn, but you didn't realize there was another one. It jumped you."

She lifted her head to look at him. "Dean?"

"I swear, baby, I'm alive. I've been killed a lot, but never by you. You may wanna strangle me, but you've never actually done it."

"But…the doctor said…"

"It's a lie. It's a djinn nightmare, sweetheart. Come on, Peaches, wake up for me, please?"

"I can't," she whispered. "What if you're wrong?"

"What if I'm right? Don't you wanna come back to me? Hope? Bobby? Jon? Krissy? Ben? Jesse? Hell, even Sam and Andy? Tory? Cas?"

Her eyes widened and she put her hand over her mouth. "They're real?"

He nodded. "Yeah, they are. I swear it."

She bit her lip as her nostrils flared in an attempt to stop crying. It didn't work as the tears rolled down her face. "I can't believe it. No one would want me. I'm just a fuck-up. Why would you want me? I'm suicidal. I killed my mom. I…"

He grabbed both her hands in his own as he slipped the last restraint off. "You didn't kill your mom. That demon did. He hurt you then he possessed you. Me and Sammy pulled him outta you, I swear it."

"Dean? My Dean?"

He nodded as he felt the tears slipping down his own face. "Yeah, baby. I'm yours. Forever."

She grabbed him then and clung to him as she cried. "Wake up," she started whispering. "Wake up, wake up, wake up…"

And just like that, he opened his eyes and saw the exposed metal beams above his head. "Ryan?!" he shouted as he turned over to look at her.

She blinked a few times and gasped, "DEAN!" He grabbed her and she clung to him. "Oh, Dean! It was terrible!"

"I know, baby, I know." He rocked her back and forth as she sobbed. He looked around and found Andy taking care of the faucet that was currently Hope's nose. "She okay?" he questioned softly.

Andy nodded. "I think so. She just overdid it. We're all riding in the car on the way home."

"The Falcon? That will be tight," he commented.

Andy shrugged. "We'll make it." She looked at him a few moments. "I'mma take Hope outside, see if I can get something else to stop her nosebleed. You got this?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"For fucking up? For almost getting her killed? Which one?"

"For calling me and saving her life," he told her. "The fact you didn't know there were two djinn? That could happen to anyone, Andy."

"I wasn't on my game."

"Yeah you were. You did good, Winchester." He gave her a smile.

She let out a stuttering breath. "I need a fucking drink."

"Yeah, tell me about it. But not yet." He looked down at his wife in his arms. She was still sobbing. "This may take a while."

Andy nodded. "I'll call Sam. Take your time. When she's ready, we'll go back to the motel, hang out the rest of the night, then go home tomorrow."

Dean nodded again. "Sounds good. " He watched Andy leading his daughter away, both walking stiffly, before he turned his attention back to Ryan. "Ry? Baby?"

She lifted her head and grabbed his face with both her hands. "Those eyes…when I thought I'd never seen those eyes again, I couldn't…" she took a few deep breaths, though they were still stuttering as she tried to control her emotions. "It felt so real," she whispered.

"Been there, done that."

She hugged him all the tighter. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, Ryan. So much. When Andy called me…"

"How did you get here so fast?"

"Angel air."

"Cas…?"

He shook his head. "Turns out Hope's been holding out on us."

"She can fly?!"

He nodded. "But it hurt her. Andy's out there patching her up. She's okay!" he exclaimed when Ryan began to stand. "Just stay here. She's fine. Andy will take care of her." He put a gentle hand to her face. Now that he was looking at her, he could see the cuts and bruises on her face. "What the hell happened, Peaches?"

"He was tougher than he looked."

"You run him through?"

"Damn straight."

He smiled. "That's my girl." He paused. "What happened after that?"

She thought a moment. "Well, I wrapped Andy's chest, she broke at least one rib. He threw her around like a damn rag doll. Then, after that, I called you on my way to get food. I hung up with you and I guess I just wasn't being as watchful as I should, I don't…I don't remember anything after that."

He nodded. "Okay, that's fine. I'm just glad you're okay."

She was shivering. "I don't ever wanna live through something like that again."

He blew out a breath. "Yeah, me either." He held her for a time before he asked, "You okay to get up? You still need to eat and we can go back to the motel. I'll get me and you a room. Hope can bunk with Andy. Sound good?"

"That sounds perfect. I need to sleep in your arms and you not let me go for about ten hours."

"I can handle that."

"I need to feel you, Dean. I need to be skin-on-skin. I need you."

He would be there for her, no matter what she needed. "I'm there, babe. You know that."

He stood and helped her to her feet. He sneered at the dead body lying on the ground, the first time he'd noticed the female with the blade sticking out of her chest. He wrapped his arm around Ryan and guided her out of the building.

He walked to the car and found Hope sitting in the back seat propped up with a towel still on her face. "She gonna live?" he asked Andy.

Andy nodded and winced as she stood. "Yeah. She'll be fine. It's about stopped."

He leaned into the car and looked at his daughter. "Thank you, Hope. You saved your mom's life tonight. If you hadn't got me here, if I couldn't have gotten her out of the dream, it would have killed her."

Hope removed the towel and looked at him. "I'm just glad I could."

"You okay, kid?"

She nodded. "But I can't heal Mom or Andy at the moment…"

"We're fine, Hope, just focus on you," Andy told her.

"Yeah, it's cool. They'll make it until morning. Let's get back to the motel," Dean added. He looked at Andy. "You good, Doc?"

She puffed out a breath. "I'll live, but can you drive? I'll get in back with Hope…"

"No, I will. I'm not hurt like you. Sit up front with Dean," Ryan stated softly.

"You sure, Ryan?"

Ryan swallowed hard and nodded as she dislodged herself from Dean. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

The whole ride back, through the drive thru window for crappy burgers and fries for the women, and then on to the hotel, Dean kept glancing at Ryan in the rearview mirror. She was staring out the car window, not speaking, though, as tired as they all were, that didn't surprise him. He caught Hope's eye and she smiled and nodded. "She's fine," she mouthed to him. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

They got back to the motel and he ran in, got a room for him and Ryan, then drove them over to their rooms. "Hope, you look after Andy, okay? Andy, same goes."

Hope gave him a mock salute and Andy said, "Can do, Chief."

He held a hand out for Ryan and he helped her to her feet before he crushed her in a hug again. "I'm so glad I got you back," he murmured into her hair. Now that they were almost alone, the reality of what could have happened crashed down on him.

"Me too," she whispered through new tears making their way down her face.

He led her into their room, letting her go only long enough to lock the door. When he turned, she had toed off her boots and removed her outer layer of shirts, leaving her only in a tank, bra, and jeans. "God, Ryan, when I think of what could have happened…"

"I know," she stated thickly as she held out her arms for him. He was over to her in a flash, touching every inch of her he could manage as tenderly as he could. "I won't break," she told him softly.

"I can't help it. You're precious, Ryan. So precious to me," he muttered as his lips found purchase on her skin.

"Love me, babe," she purred. "I need you. I need to feel you. I need to know…" Her breath caught. "I need to know you're real."

He nodded through his own tears as they undressed, hands never straying far from one another's bodies. When they were finally lying down, skin-on-skin, just as she wanted, he stopped and looked down at her. Both of her hands moved to his face and his own went to hers. "I don't do it often enough, but I thank God and Gabriel, both, for you," he breathed.

"Me too," she told him.

* * *

He wasn't surprised when, through the night, she woke up with nightmares, and when dawn broke, they were both tired and ready to go home. He knew she wasn't going to recover from this overnight, but he knew she would eventually recover. She was the strongest person he knew. She would be fine. It would just take a little time.

The ride home was quiet. Around noon, Hope was feeling well enough to patch up Andy's rib and fix Ryan's numerous bruises and cuts, but when she asked about removing the memory of the nightmare, Ryan adamantly refused. Her argument was sound. After all, how would she overcome it if she forgot about it? Dean was proud of her, even if he thought she was being an idiot about the thing.

When they finally got home, taking turns driving, everyone was at their house waiting. Sam had filled in the adults, but the little boys were just happy to see their mom and dad. Dean had never been more relieved to be home and as he looked at Ryan holding their boys, he was certain she felt the same.

* * *

**November 26**

Dean let out a belch. He was so freaking stuffed, he felt like the damn turkey that had been devoured about a hour before. "You're a pig," Sam commented as they cleaned up the dishes from the Thanksgiving feast they'd just scarfed down.

"It's my compliments to the cook," he stated as he popped Ryan's ass with the dish towel when she walked past.

Ryan shot him a look. "The cook is not amused," she commented before she dumped a stack of dishes in his arms and walked outside where a brutal game of touch football was going on between the teens. She was going to referee so the two with powers didn't cheat.

Dean smiled at his wife's retreating form. "How's she doing?" Sam asked as he reached for the dishes Dean was holding.

Dean shrugged. "Better. The nightmares aren't that bad now."

"Sucks that happened to her."

"Tell me about it. I'm wondering if I should get her out on another hunt so she doesn't get gun shy."

"I'm wondering the same thing about Andy. Not being able to save Ryan really bothered her."

"I wonder…" Dean thought a moment. "Should we take the other's wife out?"

"What? Why?"

Dean shrugged as he cleaned off the table and brought a few stray plates and silverware over. "I don't know. I mean…maybe if they had the one they're most like, instead of their husband…" He shrugged again. "Just an idea."

Sam's eyebrow rose. "So, wait. You want me and Ryan to send you and Andy out on a hunt. Alone?" He let out a bark of laughter. "Not just no, Dean, but HELL FUCKING NO."

Dean's brows furrowed. "Why not?"

"Did you seriously just ask me 'why not'?"

"Yeah. I did."

Sam shot him a bitch face. "Dude, no!"

"Come on, Sammy, quit acting like a den mom, alright?"

Sam shot him an incredulous look. "I'm almost insulted that you don't expect this reaction. I swear, sometimes it's like you don't know me at all." His tone sounded sarcastic, but Dean knew him well enough to know there was seriousness there as well. "No way in hell are you and Andy going on a hunt together, Dean."

Dean's eyebrow went up. "Why? Think she'll spend some real time with me and realize she settled?" He didn't mean it, but he was damn well going to try and get his brother's goat since he was obviously in 'overprotective moose' mode.

"First of all, it isn't like that. Unlike you, I'm not insecure, and I'm sure as shit not jealous. Second, spending time with you will only confirm the fact she made the smart choice." He stopped and turned from the sink, wiping his hands on the dish towel he'd had over his shoulder. "You know the only reason she likes you so much is because she sees enough of herself in you that you're like a twin sister, right?"

Dean opened his mouth, but snapped it shut as he thought about that. He finally asked, brow furrowed, "Are you comparing me to Ruby?"

"If the black eyes fit…"

Dean wanted to be indignant, but he couldn't help the smile. He knew Sam was jerking his chain. With a smirk, he asked, "How long ya been sitting on that one?"

"Too long," Sam admitted with a grin. "It was becoming physically painful holding it in, too, so thanks for opening that door for me."

He punched Sam's shoulder and they both chuckled as he walked to the fridge and grabbed two beers. He closed the door and leaned against it. Getting back to the subject, he asked, "If you're not jealous, then what's your deal? You know I'll keep her safe," he added as he tossed one bottle to Sam.

"Yeah, right," Sam snorted as he caught the beer and twisted the top off before taking a long pull.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked defensively. "I've kept you safe your whole damn life. Ryan hunts with me and all her fingers are toes area accounted for. Hell, my KIDS go on hunts with me regularly." He paused. "Well, okay, not regularly, but they will! Ryan trusts me to take them out! So, I ask again, what makes you think I'm not capable of watching after Andy? After all, she'd barely need me. She's a hell of a hunter in her own right. Besides, I'm climbing the walls, man, and so is she. I've seen it. She's nervous, yeah, but unlike Ryan, she ain't gun shy. She's itching to prove herself out there again, to prove she's got it and last time was a one-off fluke." He sighed. "Besides, I need to get out there, driving my baby on the blacktop and headed to kill a next-level nasty. I'm jonesing, man."

"What are we talking about?" Ryan asked as she walked back in from the yard with a dirty little boy in her hands. Jon had obviously been playing in a dirt pile. Dean took him from her and she kissed Dean's cheek before she stole his beer and cooed, "Thanks, sweetheart."

He took the boy over to the sink and washed his hands as she walked back to the table and propped her feet up in a chair. She took a sip of Dean's beer, then asked, "So, what are you jonesing for?"

Dean put Jon down and let him toddle off toward the living room, glancing at the stairs to make sure the gate was shut before he answered, "Hunting. Or more specifically, Sam refusing to let Andy hunt with me."

"Good," Ryan commented as she brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Sam immediately gave Dean a smug "na-na-na-na-boo-boo" grin.

Dean shot her a surprised look and held his hands out at his sides. "Why do you ALWAYS side with him?!" He couldn't stop adding with a pout, "It's annoying."

She winced. "Sorry, babe, I know it seems that way, but despite Sam's smartass expression, this isn't about taking sides, okay? It's just a bad idea. And it's not because I'm scared to go back out. I know you're worried about that."

"Ry…"

She shook her head. "I'll know when I'm ready. I'm not hanging up my hat, okay? I just…need some time."

"I understand that. But Andy needs to get back out and back on that horse!"

"And you're just the bronco to take her for a spin?" Ryan offered with a condescending tone.

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Look, I'm not trying to sound like a whiny bitch, but you and Sam have gone on hunts before, a lot!"

"In the other timeline!" she added.

He sighed. "I wouldn't hesitate to trust you with Sam. I wouldn't hesitate to trust Sam with you. Because I know you'd look after each other and get back to me and Andy. Can't you just offer me the same damn courtesy?"

"Dean, it's different!"

"Why? Give me one good damn reason why it's different. I mean, you two are so freaking…_close._ You read those boring ass books about adolescent, expressionless, douchebag vamps, you run together, you spar together, you research together, I'm sure you talk about your cycles, well, Sam's in any case…" Realization dawned and he turned to Sam. "I guess I kinda get why you're so overprotective, seeing as how Andy broke your streak."

Sam's expression was clueless as he inquired, "What streak?"

"You successfully closed the deal with her. Hell, you even married her. And she's still breathing! I'd have a tendency to hold on too tight, myself, if I managed to find a woman immune to my killer wang."

Ryan let out a groan and he saw her put her head on her arm on the table.

His brother let out a growl. "Go ahead and hurl insults if it makes you feel better," Sam remarked, "But it's different."

"He's right, Dean," Ryan interjected. "Me and Sam? We can be together and still be fully functional adults. You and Andy? You're…you're like…" Ryan looked to Sam for help.

Sam shrugged and shook his head. "Look, this isn't about you or Andy being incapable, okay? But you gotta admit, you're reckless at best, and that's with me and Ryan keeping you in check. And Andy? I love the woman more than I love oxygen, but she's hell on wheels."

"Alright," Dean agreed with an eye roll. "What's your point?"

Ryan walked over and put a hand on his face. "You need the balance that me and Sam provide. Without it, you two go out and start sharing war stories, getting wound up…it's kinda like mixing fire and kerosene."

Dean pointedly ignored his wife and looked at Sam. "I asked for a point."

Sam deadpanned; "Andy's seen and done a lot of dark shit. So have you. Dean plus Andy plus hunting equals a Molotov cocktail of stupid at a kegger. It'd be like narcotics anonymous having a 'bring your dealer' day. It's just wrong."

At Dean's look, Sam added, "Look, man, seriously, I love the fact you two bonded almost instantly. But Ryan and I can't help but notice, every time you get together, Johnny is never far behind. Things never get out of hand, but you guys have developed this comfortability with one another, one that makes you two feel that you can be the worst version of yourselves when the other is around. It's not necessarily a bad thing," he added quickly, "You've both had a rough go for a long time, and I'm sure I can speak for Ryan when I say we're both happy you guys have each other to talk to."

"But?" Dean implored, not thrilled with the direction this conversation was headed.

Sam sighed. "I just know if left to your own devices, your behavior would devolve to levels that would embarrass a fraternity." He shrugged and gestured with his hand between the two of them. "Look, I know the only person Andy is truly safe with besides me is you. It's just-"

"I see," Dean interrupted with a nod. "We need babysitters. You and Ryan get to play judge and jury, which means me and Andy are guilty before we've had a chance to screw up. Sounds fair."

Just then, a sound caught his attention. Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Dean threw a hand up. "Shh!" He squinted as he strained to listen. "Do you hear that?"

"I don't hear-"

"SHHH!" There were muffled yells coming from Ben's room. Dean hadn't realized sometime during his and Sam's…whatever the fuck you wanted to call it, apparently the boys had come inside. "What IS that?!" Dean wondered aloud as he followed the sounds to Ben's bedroom door.

Sam followed his brother, probably thankful for the temporary distraction. Dean hit the back of his hand against the door. "Ben?" As he pushed the door open, he saw Jesse, Ben and Andy sitting on Ben's bed in front of the television, each furiously wrenching an Xbox controller. "The hell are you guys doing?" Dean asked with a curled lip.

"Wasting these Covenant bitches!" Andy offered impatiently before she yelled, "Ben! Jesse! You're UNSC Spartans, for Christ's sake! Move your asses and clear the damn LZ!"

Jesse shouted, "SHIT! That grunt's got a plasma cannon! Braeden, cover my six!"

"Cover your-I can't cover anything right now cause this Elite is about to shove an energy sword up my ass! DAMMIT! Quit darting around, you fucker, so I can end you!"

"Oh, God," Dean groaned as he sat in a chair beside the bed and shot his chosen sister a disgusted look. "Don't tell me this geeky shit has penetrated my home and infected you, Andy." He gave Sam an accusatory glare and pointed at the television. "Ya see why we need to go on a hunt? This is what you're reducing her to! Before long, she'll be on a diet of Doritos and red bull and she'll resemble an overweight and understandably single middle-aged man who breathes through his mouth and talks about D and D all damn day!"

"Hey!" Andy shouted as she paused the game and turned to look at Dean. "I resent the stereotype, dude. First of all, Sam doesn't reduce me to anything. I like what I like and I make no apologies. Second, I'll have you know, gaming is a kick-ass hobby, and it also happens to be a hell of a fun way to kill time. You talk about hunting? Just watch the game for a bit. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Dean sat back and folded his arms, a disgusted look on his face that he noticed didn't escape Ben's attention. "I'm surprised at you, Dad...you've got more useless, geeky trivia stored in your melon than anyone I know, and you're gonna judge someone over a video game?" He shook his head. "It's sad, man. Just sad."

"No, what's sad is that two healthy decent-looking young men would rather stay holed up doing this than the cheer squad, your sister excluded."

"DEAN!" Sam bellowed.

"WHAT?!" Dean yelled back. "Oh," right," he said with an eye roll. Sam had certainly earned a few from him today. "Because NOT having sex with girls in high school is what EVERY young man aspires to do. Better to take a page from Sammy's 'How to Nail A Cougar' handbook, right?"

Sam opened his mouth to fire back, but Andy sighed. "Jesus, Dean, with that kind of childish logic, you'd think gaming would be right up your alley."

"You'd think gaming would be right up your alley," Dean echoed mockingly. He jerked a controller off the tv stand and grumbled, "How do you do this, anyway?"

"Pretty simple, really," Andy explained as she leaned toward Dean so he could observe how the controls worked. "See? 'A' to jump, 'Y' to switch weapons, 'X' to reload...'RT' to fire, 'RB' to melee and 'LB' to throw a grenade."

"Alright, sounds easy enough. What do I shoot at?"

"Anything not human," Jesse answered shortly. "Come on, just jump in already, you'll get the hang of it soon enough. Besides, all your noob questions are really annoying to those of us trying to play."

Dean's eyebrows shot up as he looked at Jesse. "Fine," he growled. As soon as he joined the game, he made a B-line for Jesse, pulled out a pistol and killed him with a headshot.

"DUDE! WHAT THE HELL?"

Dean didn't answer, just wore a self-satisfied smirk.

"You wanna go there, old man? Let's go then." Jesse didn't search Dean out, but Dean realized it a fraction of a second too late, the kid was camped out on top of a structure. Jesse had bided his time and waited for his opportunity, using the scope on his sniper rifle as a spyglass. The multiplayer was split-screen, but since Dean wasn't familiar with the maps, he was helpless and eventually wandered into Jesse's line of sight. And with a loud boom, Dean's character dropped to the ground.

"Wha- how did-" Dean stammered then yelled, "Where did you get that? I want one! All I have is the assault rifle and pistol and-Andy, how do I get one of those?"

She rubbed her forehead and groaned. "Look, why don't we make this interesting...PVP, anyone?"

"Sure," Ben answered behind a chuckle. "This oughta be good."

"I'm in," Jesse replied, holding his controller up.

"Wait, what? What's PVP?" Dean asked, looking first at Ben, then back at Andy.

"Player versus player," Ben explained impatiently. "Blue team against red team, each player chooses their load outs." At Dean's blank expression he elaborated, "You can choose which weapons you wanna use."

"Ohhh..." Realization spread across Dean's face and he had an even more boyish excitement than usual as he said, "Ooh! Does that mean I can-"

"Yes, Dean," Jesse interrupted dryly, and even Dean could tell the kid was about to tear his too-long hair out in frustration, "That means you can choose the sniper rifle."

Dean saw Sam out of the corner of his eye as he folded his arms and watched with a grin as Andy tried her best to patiently tutor his brother, but Dean didn't do anything without knowing everything about it. EVERYTHING.

Time slowly slipped away from them and nearly a half hour later, Andy bit out, "Tell you what." Dean noticed she was choking back a shriek of impatience. So, he may have understood it a little quicker than he let on, he just loved pissing the pint-sized hunter off. She took a deep breath through her nose. "Why don't we just play...the more you play and the more familiar you are with the maps, the better you'll know which weapons to use and when. Okay? Now, since you're new to this, team up with Ben and Jesse..."

"What about you?" Dean wondered aloud.

"Don't worry, she doesn't need a team." Dean turned to look at Sam. He smiled as he shook his head. "Man. Popping your cherry with gaming is one thing. Letting Andy be the one to pop it? With HALO?" He chuckled. "Brace yourself, dude. You thought Alistair was bad? Just wait. My wife is NOT gentle."

"Aww, thanks, baby," Andy cooed smarmily as she shot her husband a wink.

"Yeah, 'Baby'," Dean snarled. "Pretty sure if I could handle the tortures the baddest demon in Hell could find, I can take on this pint-sized menace."

Andy shot him a look so cold, he felt a draft. "Alright, back to business..." she ordered. "Oh, and, uh, one last thing. Dean, this won't be just us playing each other...it's online multiplayer, so there will be lots of other Spartans out there. You guys are Red Team, so stick to red and look for Ben and Jesse's gamer tags. It's the only way you'll know them from everyone else."

"Okay," Dean answered hesitantly. He knew what Andy was capable of with a machete, gun, or knife. He talked a good game, but his survival instincts were screaming at him. Maybe he was in over his head. But he'd be damned if he'd admit it. "What's the endgame?"

"You see blue? Light the bastards up," Ben growled.

"I like the sound of that," Dean smirked with a smug grin. He could handle this. It was just a damn video game. "Let's do this."

It didn't take long for Dean to get the hang of things. And within minutes, his competitiveness took hold as he killed one blue Spartan after another and began barking orders to Ben and Jesse, who politely ignored him, but he didn't let it bother him. They thought they knew more? Fine. Let them.

As he got better with the controls and comfortable with the aiming, he had one mission: kill Andy. She was holed up in an abandoned Covenant armory, picking off Red Spartans like fish in a barrel. Dean had to hand it to her; she was good, which would make snuffing her out all the more satisfying.

Ben and Jesse split off to try and flank the armory while Dean moved up the middle with a few online players, slowly pushing forward, mowing down enemies with their assault rifles. They had almost reached the armory when Dean suddenly noticed a red Spartan appear on the roof, holding a VERY big gun. "Sweet holy Moses," Dean breathed, then yelled, "Ben! Jesse! The roof! Take that guy out! GUYS!"

A smile played at the corner of Andy's mouth. "That's not a guy, Dean."

"Huh?" Dean glanced at Andy with a furrowed brow for a second before it finally sunk in. His eyes widened. "No way," he whispered. He looked back at the screen. "NO WAY!"

"Bye, Dean." Andy fired, killing him along with any Spartan unfortunate enough to be in spitting distance.

Dean stared at the screen in shock, then shouted, "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

Andy shrugged. "Plasma cannon. It's a Covenant weapon that works kinda like napalm." She leaned closer to Dean, inhaled deeply and taunted, "I love the smell of Spartans napalmed in the morning."

"Ha fucking ha, smartass," Dean spat. "Let's go again."

"Do it without us," Ben remarked as he stood to his feet and tossed his controller on the bed.

"Agreed," Jesse said and he stood to his feet as well. "Though I gotta say, Andy, watching you hand Dean his ass was the highlight of my day, my week, probably my whole year, so thank you."

Andy answered with an exaggerated bow.

"I second that," Ben managed through laughter as Dean glared. "What? So you got knocked down a few pegs, no big deal...everyone needs it every now and again. It keeps you humble."

"A fact you'll learn firsthand if you don't shut your hole," Dean warned.

"Fine, be a sore loser. We're out." Ben clapped Sam on the shoulder as he reached the doorway, but only before giving Dean the finger, tongue stuck out crudely and giggling like an idiot. "Have fun being Andy's fodder." As Dean stood threateningly, Ben laughed out an "oh, shit", and darted out of the room.

"Fucking annoying little asshole," Dean mumbled as he plopped back down next to Andy.

"Definitely yours," Andy affirmed.

"Yup. So?" Dean motioned toward the television. "Whaddya say?"

A wicked grin spread across Andy's face. "Bring it, Wyatt."

Even though Dean was focused on Andy, he heard Sam groan. And then heard Ryan's voice ask, "Sam? What's-" a pause, then, "Who knew Dean liked video games?"

"If you like this," Andy said excitedly, bringing him back to her commentary, "You'll love C.O.D. It's a military first-person shooter, but even better? It has zombie mode. It even has this thing where you can-"

"Say no more, you had me at zombie," Dean said as he held a hand up, sounding even to himself, more like a grade-schooler than a grown man with four children.

Andy leaned back, looking a little surprised. "You wanna play?"

"Damn right I wanna play! I GET TO SHOOT ZOMBIES!" He all but sprang to his feet. "But first, we need snacks. Come on, Doc, you grab a sixer while I make the popcorn and grab some twizzlers." And unlike Ryan, she didn't even comment on the fact they'd just finished a giant-ass meal a few hours or so before.

"This is gonna be awesome," Andy squealed before she pressed a kiss to Sam's cheek as they headed into the hallway. "You don't mind us playing, do you?"

Sam just shook his head. "Pfft. Mind? Why would I mind?"

Dean knew his brother was being a sarcastic shit, so he told him, "You know, this could be the solution to the problem we were discussing earlier."

Sam clenched his fists and Dean knew the younger man was doing all he could do not to wrap his hands around his brother's throat. Well, fuck that. Andy had a right to know about that shit.

Andy stopped and turned back to them. "What problem?" she asked as she looked at Sam curiously.

It was all Dean could do not to smirk. "Well," Dean offered, "I suggested to Sam that it might be a good idea for me and you to hunt together."

Andy gasped and turned to Sam. "Really?"

"Yeah," Sam cleared his throat. "But you know me, I'm just worried about you getting hurt."

Andy looked puzzled. "Why? I've practically made gutting demons my life's work, and I'm damn good at it. Plus, who am I safer with besides you than Dean? I mean, hell, you let me and Ryan traipse off together. Granted, it didn't turn out as well as any of us would have liked, but we made it out alive. Dean would give us that added brute strength, ya know?"

Sam shot daggers at his brother. Dean's only response was a smartass smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets and licked his lips.

"I know!" Andy exclaimed. "We can bring my Xbox with us. It'll be the perfect way to spend down time, eliminating any temptations to pull a juvenile stunt." She narrowed her eyes as Sam's widened. "Yeah, I know what's really up here, so cut the act. You should know by now to look and listen and try to find your wife before you start taking shit about her and her brother-bear. So, here's the decision you have to make: you either trust us, just like we trust you and Ryan, or you don't. It's that simple."

Sam swallowed hard. "Of course I trust you," he said softly.

"Thanks, sweetie," she told him with a soft smile.

"Mm-hmm," Sam replied, pressing his lips together and forcing a smile.

"Yeah, thanks sweetie." Dean shot Sam a wink and slapped Ryan on the ass, then continued down the hall with Andy. They were already talking strategies and hideouts.

As he walked down the stairs, he heard Ryan wonder aloud; "Are they talking about the game, or the hunt?"

Sam's voice was full of exasperation. "Who the hell knows? I know one thing for sure; mark my words, this one's gonna bite us in the ass.

Dean swore he wouldn't let it. Not even a week later, Dean and Andy got to prove Sam wrong.

* * *

**December 2****nd**

**Ryan POV**

Sam, Dean, and Ryan were working in the war room. Well, Dean was. Sam and Ryan had just finished a sparring session and now Ryan's feet were in Dean's lap. She'd taken Sam down but had twisted her ankle slightly in the process. God love her man, because he'd taken her shoes off and was now giving her a foot and ankle massage as he perused a potential case.

He'd freaked out just slightly as Sam had helped her hobble to the war room. It was fine, and she felt sure after some ibuprofen, she'd be as good as new, but Dean, well, as much as he loved watching her and Andy go at it on the mat, often making lewd comments that had both the girls yelling at him, he never could watch her spar with Sam. She knew it was because she was so much smaller than his brother and it made him nervous. He was afraid Sam would unintentionally break her like a twig, though, usually, Ryan came out the victor, as she had today. The first time it happened, she accused Sam of letting her win, but then he had reminded her she'd had formal training in Tae Kwon Do and she had recently taken up Capoeira, so she was graceful in her takedowns compared to both men.

Just then, she heard the bunker door slam shut. She didn't need to open her eyes, which were currently closed as she tried not to make moaning orgasm sounds while Dean's strong hands worked her feet. By the gait, she knew it was Andy. She heard her friend plop in a chair across from her and huff out a breath. She raised her head slightly and opened one eye at Andy. "You look annoyed."

"Is it that obvious?" her friend growled. "Word to the wise? Never, ever, take Victoria Allard ANYWHERE."

Sam winced from where he was now investigating a case to pass off to Garth on his laptop. "Again?"

Leaning over on her elbows, she looked at Sam and said, "Hell, I figured, since it was mine and her turn to cook, surely I could take her to the grocery store. No trouble to get into there."

"Foolish girl," Ryan stated on a smirk. They had all decided to start taking turns since they usually fed a damn army every dinner meal. Tonight, Andy and Tory were supposed to be cooking spaghetti.

"Bite me," Andy retorted at her. "I'll spare you the details, with the exception of her calling someone a 'thundertwat' which I will be using at the next available moment." Andy shook her head. "I swear, though, next time I'm bringing Bobby to babysit her ass." She looked over at Dean, who appeared to be only listening with half an ear as he continued reading.

Ryan looked at him, too. She could tell by the look on his face, something about the newspaper report and subsequent police file he'd delved into was bugging him.

"What's up, Deano? Catch a case?" Andy inquired.

He ignored the nickname and commented with just an "Mmm-hmm."

"Wow. Must be good if you're ignoring me."

He glanced up then. "Sorry, princess. You're not that fucking interesting." He glanced back at the computer and continued reading.

Ryan watched as Andy got up, walked over to him, and scooted a chair right next to him. Andy's brows furrowed. "I think I've seen this before."

"Me too!" he stated excitedly. "God, it's been forever, though. I was probably like, twenty three? Twenty four? Sammy was at college, Dad was hunting the yellow eyed demon and I stumbled upon this."

"I caught one a few years ago," Andy commented as she continued reading over his shoulder.

"But is it the same? I'm having trouble connecting the dots…it's driving me guano."

"Want me to take a loo-" Sam began, but Andy grabbed Dean's arm.

"Wait," she said, pointing to something on the screen. "There."

Dean read over the part she was pointing at before his eyes widened. "How the hell did I miss that?" He gave Andy a surprised look. "How the hell did you DO that?! You looked at it for like, two seconds!"

Andy shrugged and with a smirk, commented, "I'm not COMPLETELY useless."

Dean smiled. "Guess not." He rubbed his eye with a finger tiredly as he let out a sigh. "I think it's in the MOL notes."

"On it, boss!" she exclaimed as she jumped up. Dean continued reading and she showed up a few minutes later with an ancient looking file. "Bam."

"So is it…?"

She nodded. "Yup."

"Damn. It's…"

She nodded again. "The thing from…"

"The place?" he finished.

"Afraid so."

He sighed. "Well, shit."

Andy pondered a moment. "It'll take a solid gold blade."

"In the store room, under the box of antique porn," he stated dismissively as he continued reading.

"Oh! I'mma have to take a look. Got any dongs I'd be interested in?"

Dean chuckled. "Pretty sure they only have tits and ass, but I didn't record everything. I just got out what I was interested in. Be my guest."

"Maybe later. Give me five," she commented as she walked back out of the room.

Sam and Ryan exchanged a confused look. "What the fuck?" Ryan muttered.

Sam shook his head, but Ryan noticed Dean ignored them both as he continued reading the file Andy had brought him. Ryan hadn't seen him this interested in a case, since, ever. Not the researching part of it, that much was for sure.

Andy walked back in with the blade, another file, a book, and two beers. She passed one of the bottles and the file off to Dean who dropped the file onto his laptop before he unscrewed the cap of the beer and took a deep pull from it. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and offered a "Thanks," before he picked the paperwork back up and began reading.

Andy nodded and sat down in the chair next to him, opening the book as she went. She quickly began reading as well, opening her own beer dismissively as she concentrated on the text before her.

Sam cleared his throat then stated sarcastically, "So, what, Dean? You need a secretary now?"

Dean and Andy both shot him duplicate irritated looks before growing in unison, "Shut up, Sam."

Sam raised his eyebrows and shared another look with Ryan, who shrugged. She had no idea what the two of them were up to, or why it seemed as though they were in sync.

Dean tapped a few keys on the laptop and sent some info to the printer. Ryan heard it firing up and begin spitting out papers. "Do we have…?"

"Everything? No, unfortunately. The ram's blood, we'll have to get."

He took the book from her and read something. Ryan noticed it was an MOL spell book. "No biggie. The rest…"

"The rest is fairly easy to come by. A drop by the occult book store, a stop at the Whole Foods store for the fresh herbs we need, bada bing bada boom, baby!" she exclaimed.

"Okay," Dean said with a nod as he stood. "I'm sold. You wanna get in on…"

"Ganking this bitch?" Andy smirked. "Thought you'd never ask."

Dean motioned her with his hand. "C'mon, we need to make sure Baby's loaded up."

"Wait…" Sam began but Dean shot him a glare.

"You wanna trust me and her? Here's the first step."

"Yeah, Sam, we'll be fine. Come on, Dean! Daylight's wasting! It'll be dark soon and we need to get there to kill it before night falls tomorrow and the moon changes cycles!"

"On it, Doc!" he shouted as he walked after her.

As they watched their spouses leave, Sm and Ryan turned to each other, slack-jawed.

Sam managed to snap his mouth shut before saying, "Call me Captain Obvious, but I'm gonna say it…they're spending too much time tougher."

Ryan curled her lip at him. "Gee, ya THINK!?" Staring toward the garage, she stated, "You know, I've never seen a Borg assimilation live and in person…"

Sam's eyebrows furrowed. "Huh?"

She shook her head. "Never mind. Let's just go home. I need a shower. They're gone now. Noting left to do but trust them. We can deal with the Collective when they get back."

He just looked at her. "Maybe you're playing too many video games."

She let out a laugh. "I don't even play, Sam. I just hear it enough from the boys and occasionally I sit in there with them as they play. It's relaxing, the sounds of gunfire after hearing the littles scream at one another all day and hearing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song on repeat." She stood and tested her ankle. It was feeling much better now that Dean had massaged the sore muscle. She slipped her sneakers back on and said, "Come on. Looks like you and I are bachelors for the next few days."

"Should we worry?"

"About the two of them?" She considered it. "Probably. But I trust them both implicitly. And no matter how much we may worry about them acting like college kids with their first taste of freedom, we've got to give them this space. They wanna hunt? We let them. For now."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure. Come on, let's go to the house. Want to just stay with us?"

He sighed. "I guess I'll go pack a bag. I'd hate you to have to keep up with all the kids by yourself."

"You know the teens aren't that bad."

"Until Jesse and Hope piss each other off."

That gave her pause. The two were friends, yes, but when Jesse got a girlfriend the week before Thanksgiving, and the head cheerleader to boot, Ryan had noticed Hope had become a bit snippy with the boy. "Good point." She sighed. "It would be awesome if you just stayed. You know the guest bed is made up in the basement."

He nodded. "Sounds good."

* * *

**December 11****th**

**Hope POV **

Ben smirked as she got into the car. "Dude, your ass is grass and Ryan is the fucking lawnmower," he commented to his sister.

"Shut your hole, Ben," Hope growled as he started the car.

"Well, really-" Jesse began, but snapped his mouth shut as Hope cut him with a glare that would have probably turned a mortal to ice.

"It wasn't that bad."

"Not that bad? Not that bad!?" Jesse's tone was incredulous. Clearly the half-demon didn't value his life since he continued mouthing off to her. "You got ISS the week before Christmas break. You, Krissy, and Claire are probably going to be kicked off every damn team and group you're on, and you have the nerve to say it's not that bad?"

Ben let out a bark of laughter. "Oh just wait. I wanna be here for this show!"

"Can it, Ben," Krissy interjected. "It isn't our fault the establishment can't handle three friends…"

"Three friends all but undressing each other for the talent show? Yeah, that one's gonna go over like a fucking lead balloon," Jesse stated flatly.

The two girls remained quiet but Ben just couldn't seem to let it go. "The least you could have done was picked a better song…"

"BEN!" they both shouted. Personally, Hope liked the song. 'Bang Bang' by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj was a decent enough song. She would have rather had a song by Bad Company, but she was outvoted in favor of a song most of the school assembly would know. And they had. They'd eaten it up like a fat kid with an ice cream. After all, it had been one hell of a show.

Ben chuckled as he drove. Since he'd gotten Cherry finished, they usually took turns driving to school. Jesse wasn't really interested in getting a vehicle, and Hope's wasn't finished, so her older brother or Krissy usually drove.

The rest of the ride was quiet and when they pulled into the driveway, Hope looked at the house with a slight whimper. It wasn't that bad, right? Dean and Ryan couldn't actually _kill _her, could they? She knew Krissy would take her lickings, but it was all Hope's fault for suggesting it in the first place. Besides, it wasn't an _actual _striptease, they'd just taken off a few items of clothing. They'd all had on nude bodysuits so nothing at _all _was able to be seen. It just…looked like everyone was getting a show. She sighed.

They all sat there a moment, reveling in the quiet, because he knew once they got out and walked inside, the shitstorm would probably be at category 5 levels. "Well, one thing about it, if you weren't my sister, Hope, I would have enjoyed the show a bit more. Jess? Think the other high school boys liked it?"

Jesse didn't answer, but his grin did.

Hope huffed out a breath and shoved on Ben's seat. "Let me out, asshole."

"Language," he warned her.

"I have no problem fucking you up," she muttered under her breath as she raised a hand. "A snap of my fingers and that precious dick of yours will fall off."

His wide eyes cut to hers in the rearview mirror. She knew he wasn't one hundred percent sure she was bluffing. After all, he had heard stories of what Gabriel had done to Sam and Dean, what Zachariah had done. Screwing with angels wasn't the smartest play.

She smirked. "Good boy."

He stood and let her out from behind him, Krissy following. Hope started to walk away when she heard, "Look," he whispered to her chosen sister, "I know it wasn't your idea. Sit back and let her take the fall for it, Kris."

"I did it as much as she did, Ben, and I won't hesitate to fall on my frikkin' sword for it," she seethed. "But I'm not a snitch and I'll be damned if I let her take the fall for this on her own!"

Hope could hear his smile as he said, "Good. Just wanted to make sure."

She let out a growl and marched after Hope, who had now stalled at the bottom of the porch steps.

Ben, apparently, was in 'asshole mode' as he marched into the house and said, "Oh, Dad! You're not gonna believe what Hope and Kris pulled today."

Dean groaned as he walked out from the kitchen with Jon on his hip. "What?"

Jesse chimed in; "Oh, I'm sure the school's gonna chat with you about it. But it was AWESOME."

Hope sucked in a breath through her nose as Dean shot her, then Krissy, a look. "You do realize this isn't the way to convince me or Ryan of the fact you two are ready to graduate high school and become full time hunters, right? Being mature means making the decision ON YOUR OWN that giving a public strip-o-gram on stage might not be such a gangbuster idea."

Hope winced and Dean nodded. "Yeah. I already talked to the school. And your mom…"

About that time, they heard Ryan shout, "HOPE DEANNA WINCHESTER!"

Hope tried to play it off. "Come on, Dad, what's the big deal?! There wasn't any skin exposed or anything. We were just having fun."

"The big deal? You wanna know what the big deal is? You're parading it around like a fuckin' prostitute and that is NOT the kind of attention you want!"

Ben shot Jesse a look. "We aren't needed here, are we?"

Jesse shook his head and took Jon from Dean. "Nope."

Ryan appeared just then. "I'm sure we aren't done with you two, I just can't think of anything you've done wrong. Yet. Keep up with Jon and Bobby while I attempt not to kill the only other two females in the house."

Ben swallowed hard. "Yes ma'am," he stated as he started guiding Bobby, who had just finished snack, into the living room.

"On second thought," Jesse stated as he picked up the keys to the Expedition, "Come on, little dudes, I think we wanna am-scray from this whole house."

Bobby's eyes widened as he surveyed the situation and nodded vehemently. "Yeah. Let's get outta here!"

They watched the four boys walk out of the house before Hope chanced a glance at her father, who was shooting daggers at her. "You know what?" he growled. "I'm not even going to try to convince you two what you did was wrong. Consider yourselves the home school valedictorian and runner up."

Hope gasped. "What?! You can't DO that!"

"Watch me. I'll do it myself if I have to. And you can forget hunting until you prove you're able to make a smart decision. It's not even the 'pay-by-the-hour' attitude that gets me. It's the smug little grin you were sporting a half a second ago. I invented it, so I know the look. You were wrong and you know it, but you're too stubborn to admit it. That's not adult behavior. Attitudes like that belong in daycare. So welcome it."

"But…but…Daddy!"

"Don't even THINK about pulling that sad poor pitiful me crap, Hope. Own up to it and we'll consider revising your punishment. Once you realize what the hell you did wrong and own up to it, plus the things you can think up that I don't even know about or haven't thought of yet."

"Da-"

He held up a hand. "Save it. Right now, I'm so fucking pissed at you, I can't even look at you."

As he stormed away, slamming the front door in his wake, Hope pled with her mother, "Mom, please…he can't do this!"

Ryan shrugged. "You crossed a line, Hope." She sighed and glanced at Krissy, who had remained silent. "Oh, don't worry, missy, you're not blameless in this, either. Just because he walked off pissed does not mean I will. First off, you two are grounded. No hunting, no going anywhere other than work or school or to train."

"But…" Hope began.

Ryan let out a growl of frustration and clenched her fists. "Hope Deanna, so help me GOD." She blew out a breath. "I'll talk to him after he's cooled off a bit, but seriously, if he doesn't change his mind, because I'm supporting him in this decision, then you have no one else to blame but yourselves."

"If he doesn't, then I'll just…"

"Just what?" Ryan wanted to know with a slightly condescending tone. "Just threaten to throw an angelic tantrum, further proving you're not ready for everything you're asking for? Sorry, sugar, but you're asking for the perks of being an adult with none of the responsibly. Better you find out here than out in the real world that life don't work that way. The world doesn't love you like we do, Hope. If your dad didn't care, he wouldn't be so angry. Don't have the nerve to fault him for it. Not with me."

Hope opened her mouth before Ryan bit out, "And another thing? All these guys you're shaking your ass for, would any of them bother to fight for you? To DIE for you?! Because your father would, in spite of this asinine attitude. In a skinny damn minute."

"It was just a stupid dance, Mom!"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, it might be, I'll give you that. But now? You don't think you two didn't put a target on your backs? On Claire's?"

"What do you…?"

Ryan shot her a cold look. "I'm not saying it's right, but the two of you have been pegged as easy by boys now. Go ask your brother. Ben will tell you what's up."

"But…"

Ryan let out a sigh. "I'm tired of this conversation. You did wrong. Own up to it. Go to your room, ladies, and I use that term _very _loosely. Go on up there and think about it. I bet you'll come around to my way of thinking if given enough time."

Hope watched her mother walk away as she chanced a look at Krissy, who just sighed and started walking up the stairs.

Hope followed her and when she broached the door to their room, flopped on her bed. "Are we in the wrong here?" she asked softly.

Krissy dropped onto her bed as well. "I don't know. Maybe?"

Hope sighed. "Life is much more complicated as a human girl."

Krissy snorted. "I honestly don't have a comeback for that."

Hope looked at her best friend. "How do I fix this?"

"First? I suggest you _calmly _talk to Dean. We can do damage control at school. If we're allowed back. But you gotta fix this thing with him, first."

"I just don't know what he wants. Why is it a double standard between us and Ben?"

Krissy thought about that a moment. "Because, those little skanks Ben screws around with? They aren't Dean's daughters, and that's what we are. And, too, Dean knows Ben doesn't care about them. He just doesn't want us being used like that."

"But he could talk to Ben…"

"He has," Krissy stated quietly. "I've heard him. Ben…" She blew out a breath. "I mean, it's not like the girls are being forced. They want to be with him. So, he's with them."

Hope pondered that a moment. "How are you doing with everything?"

"What? The fact I think I'm in love with him and he's oblivious?"

"He is Dean Winchester's kid," Hope commented.

"So are you," Krissy murmured. She shrugged as she stared up at the ceiling. "I don't know. I mean, I get it, he's not ready. I guess I just…"

"You need to go out and get laid."

"Says the angelic virgin."

Hope blushed, but sat up and looked at her friend. "Look, I'm serious. Right now? Granted, we're being punished, but the world is our oyster. Enjoy that. We've got all the time in the world for true love and shit. Go out and find a guy to enjoy. I thought things were going good with Douglas."

Krissy shrugged. "He's not Ben."

Hope rolled her eyes. "Nobody is Ben, but Ben. I can't tell you what to do about that. He's not ready, you are. Give him time. Once you two ever hit it, well, then you're golden. But give him time to get to that point."

Krissy shot her a dour look.

"What? You know I'm right. So, he's not ready, don't you be either. If Doug doesn't get your motor running, find someone that does."

Krissy muttered an oath under her breath. "Fine." She sat up as well. "But you need to poof your angelic ass over to wherever Dean went and make this right. I don't want to end up doing time in Casa de Winchester finishing up my year as a senior. I'm actually _enjoying _school."

"I'm sorry I roped you into it. You and Claire, both."

Krissy shrugged a shoulder. "I knew we'd probably get a slap on the wrist for it. I didn't think this level of napalm, but, hey, I made the decision to go along with it. So did Claire."

"You know Tory won't give Claire shit about this."

"No, but Cas might."

Hope chuckled at that. "Can you imagine Cas being a disciplinarian?"

"He was a bad-ass seraph, wasn't he?"

"Back in the day. But now?"

"Unless he takes a page out of the 'Dean Winchester Playbook' then the girl is screwed."

Hope winced. "Okay, I'll go talk to him."

"Good. And don't piss him off, okay?"

"I'll do my best," she murmured as she zeroed in on him and poofed to the bunker.

She found him on the shooting range. "Dad…"

He emptied his clip into the target before he ground out, "I got another clip. You sure you wanna talk to me while I have a gun in my hand?"

She let out a sigh and walked over to him anyway. She would live through a gun shot, and she was about eighty percent sure he wouldn't _actually _shoot her. "Dad, look…"

He turned then and looked at her and she was a tad relieved he had sat the gun down, first. "No. You look. I get it, okay? That grace rattling around inside you makes you feel invincible. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But that doesn't change the fact you're a kid. My kid." He shook his head and leaned back against the wall. "My god, you're my kid. And you're a girl. You got way more of me in you than Ben does. But that's not the…" He gritted his teeth. "You're not grown, Hope! No matter what you think. You're almost there, yeah, and if you'd quit acting like ME you might get farther along than you are. I just…." He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end. "God help me, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, Hope! What are you trying to prove?!"

His eyes widened. "That's it, isn't it?" He let out a bark of laughter, though the situation was far from funny. "Why didn't I see it? You're in this thing short term. You know you're not gonna hang around, so why bother, right?"

"I'm an angel!" she spat. "I'm supposed to go topside when I'm old enough, whatever the hell that means! So I can't…I won't…I'm not gonna…" she started crying then and she heard him sigh as he walked over to her and grabbed her in his arms.

"I see. I get it now, kiddo. You're not gonna live long enough, so who gives a shit about your rep, right?"

She couldn't argue with him, even as she realized, though it was unintentional, that was what she had been thinking. What did it matter what those silly human boys thought? She was strong enough, if one of them tried anything, she could handle them. And, too, it wasn't like she was going to get a happy-ever-after, not like Krissy and Ben. The two of them were meant to be. Granted, they would have a few months, maybe a year or two of dancing around each other, but then they'd get together and hunt together and make babies and live to be old and grey and she would never get that! The thought caused her to sob all the harder.

Dean held her the whole time and when she finally slowed her sobbing, he held her at arm's length to look her in the eye. "Look, I been there, Hope, and it's a shitty way to live. You're not going up there tomorrow, so don't live like today's your last day. You'll have time to live a human life, Hope. You've already rushed growing up so much. Just…don't…don't do it like this, okay?" He blew out another haggard breath and she realized he'd been crying, too. "You don't wanna look back at the time you had here and realize it's filled with one regret after another. Believe me."

"I just wanna _live,_" she stated quietly. "I feel like I've got a noose around my neck and any day now, I'm gonna be swinging from that rope."

He chuckled flatly. "Hello? Did you forget who you were talking to?! That's been my life for as long as I can remember." He sighed. "And what kind of 'living' are you referring to, exactly, in any case? Hangovers, pregnancies scares and misdemeanors ain't life, kid."

"I can't get pregnant, Dad."

His eyebrow rose. "Look, the plumbing works, doesn't it? Rules go out the damn window when Winchester blood flows through your veins."

She didn't have a comeback for that. Truthfully, that was always one thing she wished she could have. She didn't like being jealous, but that was one area she couldn't seem to help herself with. She smiled despite herself as she told him, "I don't know…getting drunk is pretty fun, from what I remember."

His eyebrow shot up about another inch. "Maybe for you. Ask Uncle Sam how much fun it is waking up to puke your guts out." He was quiet a moment before he all but whispered, "Wanna know what I'm gonna remember?"

She shook her head.

He smiled. "I'm gonna remember every time I woke up next to your mom. Or the day Sam and Andy…" he cleared his throat. "Made things official. The day Jon was born. Bobby's smile of mischief when he and I do something we know Ryan's gonna give us that look for. You know which one. The day Ben first called me 'Dad'. Those are the things I'll remember. There are a ton of other things, but my point is, you guys? You make me look back at all the shit that came before and I think maybe it wasn't so bad if it put me here. Those are the kind of memories you wanna make, angel face." He smirked. "Trust me. You'll never look back and think to yourself, 'damn. If only I'd been able to worship at that porcelain thrown just one more time'."

She giggled but then sobered. "But I'm not gonna have memories like that, Daddy. I won't have memories like you or Mom or Sam will. I can't have kids. I don't have a soul mate…" Tears started falling down her face again.

He grabbed her chin. "You WILL fall in love, and if you're lucky, you'll be like me, or you Uncle Sam, or even Cas. It will happen, Hope. You'll watch your brothers grow, you'll watch Ben get off his ass and admit he wants more from Krissy than just a friendship. You'll find someone you want to settle down with for the rest of your limited days on earth. And who knows? Maybe you can split your time between Heaven and here. My point is, don't do all the shit in life. Fill it with the good stuff. Because everything else? It's just that. Shit. And I don't know if you're aware of this, but shit? Shit stinks."

She giggled again and hiccupped. He smiled and pulled her to him for another hug. He kissed her hair. "I love you, Hope, so much. Please, for once in your life, listen to me. I've lived the shit. And it isn't fun. It isn't good. It isn't happy. Focus on happy. Because it's pretty damn important."

"Okay, Daddy," she whispered.

He pulled her away from him. "I mean it. No more shit, okay?"

She nodded. "Just being a normal, human, good girl."

He grinned. "Well, you don't have to be _too _good, but try not to give me heart failure, okay? You can't begin to imagine how it felt to get that phone call. Thankfully I took it. If your mom had…"

They both shivered at that. Ryan was one scary human. He smiled. "Come on. Let's go back home."

He reloaded his gun and slipped it in its holster before he slung his arm around her shoulder and they walked to the car together. He walked her to her car door and opened it for her. Once she had slid in, and he joined her, she asked, "So, about this whole homeschool thing…"

He chuckled. "I'll talk to your mom. Maybe I overreacted a little bit."

"You were right, though, Dad. I'll try harder."

"That's all I ask, Hope. That's all I ask."

When they got home, they found Ryan propped up on the couch, reading a lore book. "I'm sorry, Mom," Hope began as soon as she broached the door.

Ryan nodded. "I know, kid. But you're still grounded, so up to your room you go."

Hope gave her a grim smile and turned to walk up the stairs. As she went, she heard Dean fall to the couch next to Ryan. "Hope's supposed to be the easy kid! I'm fitting Gabe with angel cuffs. I don't know how I can do this again."

Ryan let out a chuckle. "Don't worry. I will handle Gabriel. You can have the demon boy."

Dean's tone was deadpan as he muttered, "You're too kind."


	52. Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Places

**Disclaimer: I do not own SPN or any of its characters. But I do enjoy playing in Kripke's sandbox!**

**AN: Hi, all! SO sorry for not updating. This has been sitting on my computer for a week or so, but I've been so busy with a billion and one things ya'll don't care about, so instead, I'll just say, NEW CHAPTER! YAY! And there you go... LOL**

* * *

**December 27**

**Dean POV **

He sighed out a breath as he grabbed another lore book. He hated research. Luckily, Sam and Ryan were doing the hard part, he was just getting them coffee and snacks. He walked back into the war room to the dulcet tones of Andy and Sam arguing. Again. His eyebrow rose as he dropped next to Ryan, handing her a bottle of water and the book in the process. "Damn. They're really going at it. What about this time?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Personally, I'm keeping my head down and ignoring it as much as possible. I did hear a comment fly around about 'Dean got them a dog, why can't we get one' and a follow up of 'so, if Dean jumped off a bridge, would you'?" She shook her head. "They're downgrading their arguments to childlike status."

"Well, we were once that bad, so, I guess there is hope for them to come out the other side," he added as he took a drink of his coffee. At her raised eyebrow, he asked, "What?"

"You and I argued about the proper way to store toilet paper in the bathroom cabinet this very morning."

"You stack it like a pyramid on top of each other. If they're lying on their sides, they get squished on the bottom and the roll bounces when you unroll it. It's like, physics or something, Ryan."

She let out a groan and an eyeroll. "Well, as I said, I'm staying out of it."

"Wonder if it's like a soulmate thing? Cas!" he called.

The angel appeared before him. "Yes?"

Dean grinned. "I like having you on angel-cell, dude."

The angel shot him a look. "Did you need something? I was in the middle of…"

"In the middle of interrupting Tory's case?" Ryan questioned with a knowing smile. At Castiel's questioning look, she added, "I know, because I know she and Charlie are out hunting a wendigo and Charlie called in to say they'd taken five from research and she had to blow out of there because Tory decided to call you down and get her rocks off," Ryan told him with a smirk.

He cleared his throat. "As I said. I was in the middle of something."

Dean's nose curled. "Hopefully not literally. I'd hate to be a cockblock, man."

Cas smiled. "No, we were…concluded with business."

Dean let out a bark of laughter. "Who knew she would finally remove the stick from your ass, Cas? I gotta buy that girl some weed as payment."

"No, she is not using drugs as much. She says she has found her bliss and it is usually tied to, well, me being tied up."

Dean and Ryan shared a look, Ryan chuckled and ducked her head, and Dean's smile grew. "I gotta admit, in the beginning, I wasn't sure, but, man, I kind of like you high on Tory Allard."

The angel smiled again. "Is there something you needed?"

"Yeah. Is it normal for soul mates to bicker and shit as much as Ryan and I do? As much as Sam and Andy do?"

Cas thought a moment before the argument just beyond the archway reached a crescendo and he moved closer.

"Cas! Man, don't get any closer!" Dean warned.

Cas looked at him. "It is indeed, a soul mate thing, as you stated." He took a step closer to the arguing couple, both who were tossing their arms around as they argued, gesturing wildly.

"Cas, man, don't get involved in their shit!" Dean called after him.

Ryan leaned back in her chair and propped her booted feet up on the table. "Oh, this'll be worth the price of admission. Wish I had a beer…" she trailed off as Cas began talking.

"May I make an observation?" Cas pipped up, stopping the arguing in its tracks.

Sam looked pissed as he bit out, "By all means. Please do."

"I've noticed in your pursuit of a healthier diet, you switched to soy milk, Sam."

Sam's brow's furrowed. "Yeah? A year or so ago. And?"

"Well, soy milk contains compounds similar to that of estrogen."

"What's your point, Cas!? I'm kinda in the middle of something, here!"

"Well, with the slight higher pitch your voice has now taken on, and your daily consumption of bran cereal as your breakfast in the morning, I can only conclude that the soy milk is, in fact, turning you into a hysterical woman."

You could have heard a pin drop in the room only a moment before Sam got in the angel's space, backing him into the wall as his hand went around Castiel's throat. "Look, Cas, I usually leave your ass beatings up to Dean because you two have some sort of weird love/hate thing going on, but I'm about two seconds away from pounding your face."

"I didn't realize you were so sensitive. Yes, I do believe you need to perhaps take a dose of testosterone to counteract the estrogen…"

Sam drew his fist back and Dean grabbed his arm, tugging gently to pull him away from Cas. "Okay, man, walk it off, let it go."

Sam let out a growl and walked about five feet away. That was when Dean shot Ryan a pointed look. She held up both hands. "Look, I may be guilty of sneaking you vegetables, but I'll be damned if I switch your milk, which you rarely drink, anyway. I swear I never will. I don't need no girlie man."

Andy, who had been staring at Cas like he was some kind of green Martian, narrowed her eyes and swung her body toward Ryan. "Excuse me?"

Ryan shrugged. "What?"

"Like Dean hasn't had so many hissy fits over…well, everything, that you didn't consider birth control to regulate his cycle?!"

"Well, I admit to slipping him some pamparin and buying him some manpons on occasion, but at least his voice hasn't gone up an octave!"

Dean felt the offense deep in his damn gut as he rounded on her and said, "I'm not listening to this…this nonsense wrapped in crazy!" He pointed to Cas first. "YOU. Quit pointing out the obvious. Sam, sorry, but he's not wrong. Ryan? BIG talk with you later about stowing couple's therapy. And Andy? Just…take a pill. No, I tell you what, you three continue talking about your lady parts and work through your issues. C'mon, Cas. Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"You said you finished with Tory, right? You ain't gotta rush topside, do you?" At Castiel's nod, then head shake, Dean said, "Good. We are going to drink something strong enough to start my car in a pinch while NOT being a hysterical woman."

He had put his arm around the angel's shoulders to guide him away when Andy tossed out, "Yeah, sure, Dean. Resort to typical alpha-male bravado. What's so wrong with a man talking about his feelings?!"

That got him to turn around. "What am I? A hippie at a love-in?! Nah-uh. I'm out." He thought a moment and stopped. "Wait just a fucking minute. I'll have you know I'm leaving because this is stupid, not because of my feelings. Ryan has taught me how to open up and shit so this ain't got a thing to do with that." He caught Ryan's eye and added, "Baby, I appreciate you defending my honor, because I'm sure you were gonna, but it's not necessary. She's entitled to her opinion. Hell, I'm a married man with kids. I could care less what she thinks. You like my equipment, that's good enough for me. Boom! Eat that, bitches."

He paused once more before he stated, "And another thing? My honor doesn't NEED defending. Not by her or anyone else. I mean, come on, it's like you guys don't even KNOW me. Besides, it isn't about MY manhood, it's about Sam's. The only reason any of you are arguing is because it got called into question and apparently Cas hit a nerve because SOMEONE in this room thinks he might be right."

Dead silence filled the space. Dean gave them all a flat smile. "That's what I thought. Can we drop this ridiculous conversation now? Or do I gotta go get plowed to forget about how stupid everyone is being?"

Cas blinked. "So, how about that sports team?"

The room was once more filled with silence before a computer beeped. Ryan glanced down at hers and muttered, "Shit."

"What?" Dean asked, all thoughts of the past few minutes forgotten as he raced to her side.

She blew out a breath. "It's a case. Definitely." She looked at Dean. "You boys 'rock, paper, scissors' this to see who will go. Me and Sam, or you and Andy."

"What?!" Sam exclaimed.

She glared at him. "After the past few minutes? There's no way in hell I trust you and Andy to go out on a job together, and I don't really trust the two of you to look after my kids just now."

"Ryan," Andy stated, hurt evident in her voice.

Ryan shook her head. "No, Andy. It's not you, I promise. It's the situation. You two need a time-out from each other, at least for a little while."

"Me and you could…" she began but Ryan shook her head. "No. Not this time. We're gonna need some muscle I think, especially since I don't know what the fuck this is."

Dean looked at his wife. "Ry…you sure you want to hunt?"

She paused before she nodded. "I said I'd know when I'm ready. I'm ready. Best guess? This is a werewolf. It's got some weird stuff going on with it, but it's not natural, that much is for sure."

Dean glanced at Sam and shook his head. "Take her. Andy and I will look after the kids."

"You sure?"

Dean nodded. "As long as you can keep your head on straight to keep her safe."

"My head is always in the hunt, you know that, Dean."

Dean nodded again. "I know. Just…make sure it stays there, alright?" He looked at Andy. "What you say, Doc? Up for watching the rugrats with me?"

Andy looked from Sam to Ryan and he could tell she was still hurt. From the fight, from Ryan's somewhat cold hard facts about the argument, all of it. "Yeah, Dean. That sounds fine."

He pursed his lips in thought. "Alright. Go grab a bag. Camp out with us. We'll make oven s'mores and drink fire whiskey after the kids go to bed."

That got a half a smile on her face. "Whiskey with cinnamon in it? That's a chick drink."

"Let's see how drunk I can get you off it. You won't be whistling that tune when you wake up with the headache from Hell."

"You'd know all about Hell, seeing as you've been there."

His mouth fell open before he smiled. "You've been holding out on me, Doc."

She winked at him. "I got a few tricks up my sleeve, Wyatt."

He held out an arm for her and walked her up the steps. They made it outside before the smile slid off her face. "Shit."

"Breathe," he commanded as he handed her the keys to the impala. She blinked. "Go on, burn some rubber. Let my baby soothe you. Having control of her helps you control your own shit. I should know. I've been using her my whole adult life when I have issues."

She swallowed hard and took the keyring. "They won't need it?"

"You think Ryan will hunt in anything besides her Falcon?"

Andy did smile at that, even if it was a small smile. "Good point." Her smile grew. "I'd love to see Sam squeeze in the front seat."

Dean let out a bark of laughter as he dropped into the passenger seat and grunted as she slid the seat up. "Shit. It probably looks similar to this," he commented as he glanced down at his knees all but in his chest.

She giggled, cranked the car, and tore ass out onto the road, spitting gravel as she went. They were both silent a moment before she blew out a breath. "You're right."

"I know I am," he commented. "About what?"

"Driving her. She makes me feel invincible."

"Just don't go wrecking her, we call it square, alright?"

She nodded. They were quiet once more as she drove through town to the house where Tory was currently watching the boys. "You think we'll get through this crap, Dean? I'm trying here and he just…"

"Rubs you the wrong way?" he provided. At her nod, he sighed. "Look, not gonna lie, this part sucks. But the making up? Definitely makes up for it."

"The sex?" she wanted to know.

He shrugged. "Not just that. It's all of it. Realizing he was wrong, realizing you were wrong, realizing it was stupid. What was the fight about, anyway?"

"He said he wanted to go ahead and get two dogs when we get one, so they're not lonely."

"And?"

"I told him why don't we get one, see how it goes, then get another one. Simple request. And it was said calmly and rationally."

"But he didn't take it that way."

She shook her head. "No. he's being a dick. Just looking to pick a fight." She sighed again. "Maybe Ryan was right. Maybe we need a time-out."

"Nothing in the world wrong with that."

"You were smart, to put them on the case."

"Ryan needs to go out," he stated simply. "And she wanted it. I could see it in her eyes. She wanted it. So? I give them this one." He winked at her when she glanced over at him. "The next one is ours."

"Damn straight," she murmured as she flipped on the radio. The DJ finished talking and a familiar song started. She smiled. "This is your song."

His brow furrowed as The Eagles began singing. "Huh?"

She sang along and when she got to the part that said, "One say's she's a friend of mine," she pointed to herself.

Dean just stared at her, expressionless. She swatted him with her hand. "Fine. Be that way." She continued looking out the windshield, singing under her breath.

He smiled as he thought about it. He'd had women want to own him, more than his fair share that would have loved to stone him, but she truly was a friend. "You know you are, right?"

"Damn right I am."

"Seriously. I don't have a long list of people I call friends," he began. "And even the ones who manage to make the list, aren't necessarily people I'd make an effort to spend time with."

Luckily, they'd made it to a red light as she turned to him and stared, her expression part shock, part 'ohmygodyouaresosweet'. He cleared his throat. "Don't get me wrong, you're a smart ass comment away from a strangling about ninety percent of the time, but…I'm, uh…" He looked down at his boots on the floorboard and finished quickly, "I'm glad for the ten percent."

The car was dead silent as the song finished. Finally, he chanced a quick peek at her. Her lip quirked and he was praying she wouldn't give him shit for opening himself up. They talked a lot, but they never talked about what they meant to each other. Well, rarely, anyway. Usually they were sounding boards for bitching about their spouses. She licked her lips, still that damn smile growing bigger by the second. "We done here?" she asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Thank God," she muttered as she flipped off the car behind them honking their horn due to the light being green.

"So, fire whiskey after the monsters go to sleep tonight?" he asked to offset the uncomfortable air in the car.

She let out a snort. "Bring it, Princess."

"Princess nothing," he growled. "If I'm a chick for drinking cinnamon whisky, I'm at least a damn queen."

The comment did what he wanted and she let out a big belly laugh. He hated to sound like a chick, even in his own head, but he wished Andy and Sam would work through this crap. He really did hate seeing them at odds.

* * *

Later that night, he got a text from Ryan letting him know they'd gotten to the motel safely and they would be researching probably through the night if he wanted to call her for some…dual self-loving. He cleared his throat as he read the text.

"Ryan?" Andy asked from where she was sitting at the table, open bottle of Fireball in front of her. She had begrudgingly admitted how damn smooth it was and she'd put a damn fine dent in his bottle. Luckily he had a spare in the back of the cabinet. He pulled it out and walked back over to her. The youngest kids were sound asleep, Krissy and Jesse were both still at work, and Hope was helping Ben with his Latin.

"Yeah, it was Ryan." He saw her phone sitting next to her on the table. "You heard from him?"

She nodded. "He texted me, I texted back."

"You two good?"

She shrugged and downed another generous glass of the whiskey. "I suppose."

He thought a moment before he snagged a piece of paper from the side of the refrigerator. He found a pen in one of Ryan's pieces of pottery and walked them both over to Andy. "Here."

"I'm about half-ass drunk, Dean. You want me to do math or some shit?"

He smirked. "No, but you'd still kick ass at it, Andy. Nope, sit your ass down."

"I am sitting, asshat."

"Oh. Yeah." He plopped his own ass down and twisted the cap off the whiskey before pouring himself another glass. "Now that I'm sitting, pick up that paper and pen, start a list."

"Of what?"

He took a swig of his drink. "Of shit you like about my brother."

"What are we? In grade school?"

"Nah. Saw this on a movie once. Write a fucking list. Keep that shit with you. Then, when he pisses you off, take the damn thing out and read it."

Her eyes widened as she looked at him like he was nuts. "You serious?"

"As a damn apocalypse. And I've been through a few of those."

"Bite my ass, Winchester."

"You first," he stated with a smile.

She snatched up the paper, scowl on her face as she began writing, then, as she continued, her face softened until about ten minutes, and almost a full sheet of paper later, she said, "Damn it, now I miss my moose."

He nodded. "Yeah. I know what you mean. Ryan can warm a bed like nobody's business."

"Oh! Yeah, Sam's like a space heater. Lemme add that. He always keeps my feet warm…"

Dean snorted. "No, not like that. She gets my motor running, you know?"

"Eww! No sex stuff, Dean! We made a rule!"

He smirked. "Yeah, I know."

"I hate you."

He puckered his lips at her. She threw the pen at him. He smirked. "So…gotta ask, because, this shit's been bugging me for months."

Her eyebrow popped as she sipped her glass. "Okay…"

"When we were playing that stupid ass game, you and Tory…"

She chuckled throatily. "You wanna know if me and Allard actually did the deed?"

He nodded.

She smiled. "I'm surprised at you. I thought we said no sex stuff?"

"I'm a guy. I'm curious."

"You're drunk."

"I'm lit," he countered. "I know what I'm doing."

"And you're broaching uncomfortable territory, Dean."

"You don't wanna answer, I'll respect that."

She eyed him.

"What? I will!" he exclaimed. "I'm just…I can't say I've ever been friends with anyone enough to fool around with. Girl, guy, alien."

She laughed throatily. "Ah, shit. It was one of those nights, you know? We'd gone out on a hunt. Me, Tor, Ryan. Only time I got Ryan out on a demon hunt. We kicked their asses straight back to hell, went out drinking afterward. This was before Bobby. Hope had a babysitter. We hit Reno. Fucking blast, by the way…"

He blinked. "You took Ryan to Reno on a demon hunt and then got her wasted?"

"What? No. She only got lit. Me and Tory? We got wasted. Anyway, so, Tory got some guy off in the bar, mainly because she likes giving head. I never understood that. But then, I'm a selfish lover. I get mine, or nothing. Usually first, ya feel me?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

She looked him over again. "You sure you wanna know this?"

"You sure you wanna tell it?"

She poured another shot, downed it, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and shrugged. "Not my proudest moment, gotta admit, but I'll share it. Only because I like ya."

"Thanks?"

She chortled and ran a finger over the rim of her glass a moment. "So, anyway, we managed to get back to the hotel, we rock-paper-scissored who would sleep together since it was only a two bed room. Ryan won, fair and square. We settled in with a nightcap because I always bring booze. We played a few games of Quarters. Ryan kicks ASS at that game. Don't ever play her. You'll get fucked up like nobody's business." She smiled. "Anyway, so, I don't know if you know this, but I'm a horny drunk."

At Dean's obvious look of alarm, she chuckled. "You're safe from me. I'm a one-moose girl. Squirrel is not my forte."

"Thanks."

She grinned. "So, I'm a horny drunk. I was just out of it enough to not realize I was alone in the room. I started, well, I just needed a quick fix, just to get to sleep. Next thing I know, there was a hand joining mine. And well, hell, why not, you know? We added a few sloppy kisses. It was kind of weird, but no biggie. It was almost like a dream. Even looking back on it, I wouldn't have believed it had Ryan not told us we actually did it."

"And she was there? In the other bed?"

Andy's lip quirked. "Well, let's say I'm not the only horny drunk. I don't know with certainty she got herself off, but, hell, a live porn show going on next to you? Why wouldn't you?"

Dean blinked. "Holy shit."

She shrugged as she poured another drink for him. "Drink up, bub. You just got some knowledge."

He downed the shot she poured and poured himself another. "Holy. Fucking. Shit."

She smirked.

"So…no…I mean…you and Tory are just _friends _after that?!"

She glared at him. "Some women _are _capable of being friends afterward. It was a little awkward for all of us, not going to lie. But I told her I wasn't into her that way, she told me I'd make a terrible lesbian, we kind of laughed it off."

"And Ryan?"

She shrugged again. "You know Ryan. Anything that doesn't involve sex with you, she's a little prudish. Me and Tory understood. She didn't tell us her whole life story, but she gave us enough info for us to figure it out. That fucks you up. We got that."

"You think…" He stopped and blew out another breath before downing another shot.

"What?"

"You think I'm good for her? Seriously?"

She sat back and just looked at him. "Well, look at that. I thought you were unshakable, Dean."

He laughed flatly. "Seriously? You really don't know me very well, do you, Doc?"

She leaned forward and grabbed his hands. "Look, I'm not the smartest person on the planet, but I know one thing. You? You're the best damn thing that ever happened to her. Don't ever doubt that shit, okay?"

He nodded. "Same goes, Andy." At her scoff and attempt to pull away, he gripped her hands. "I mean it. This shit you two are working through? It ain't gonna go away, not fully. But you get better at it. Hell, me and Ryan argued about damn toilet paper this morning. We worked through it. Marriage? It's the hardest job ever. Hell, wrangling kids is much easier, in my opinion. Marriage is WORK. But it's worth it. And you got your soul mate. That's the main thing. Hold on to him, yeah? Cuz I'd hate to beat your scrawny ass."

"In your dreams, Wyatt."

They shared a smile and sat back, downing another shot each. The bottles were getting a little too low and he knew they'd need to stop soon.

They sat quietly a moment before she asked, "What do you think they're doing right now?"

He glanced at the clock. "Research. And they're probably both worrying their asses off that we're okay, just like I know we're both doing about them."

"You know, it's kinda nice having someone worry about ya. Even if it is hella annoying sometimes."

"Too true," he commented on a nod as they clinked glasses. "Damn. We are two of the biggest idiots on the planet. Instead of sexing it up with my hot wife, I'm wiping snotty noses and drinking with your sorry ass."

"You are an idiot, but this is all on me. Me and Sam."

"I don't mind being here with ya, Andy, truth be told, but I got needs."

"You think I don't? The things that man can do to my body…"

"Thought we agreed no sex stuff?"

"I just told you about how me and my best friend had sex and _now _you're pulling out the no sex rule?"

"Not when it's my brother you're talking about! Hell, you wanna talk about every Tom, Dick, and Harry you fucked? I'll listen all damn day and offer commentary. But Ryan and Sam are off limits."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Who's the prude now?"

He contemplated throwing his shot glass at her but decided to be the bigger man.

They sat there sullenly a moment before she took a big gulp of her drink, spilling almost half of it down her front. He let out a laugh. "What the matter? Got a hole in your lip, Winchester?"

"Not funny, Winchester," she shot back. "And furthermore, you're the wrong Winchester I wanna be with right now."

"Same goes, Winchester."

"Why the hell we keep saying 'Winchester', Winchester?"

"Hell if I know, Winchester."

They looked at one another and dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"You know, we should make a list of things we hate about them," Andy piped up.

"Hate is a strong word," he commented as he poured another drink.

"Dislike?"

"Better." He thought a moment. "Like how Ryan has to dry her hands after she washes them before she brushes her teeth. Who does that? What the hell difference does it make?"

"And how Sam has to suck on his teeth when he flosses them?"

Dean's lip curled. "That shit has bothered me for decades, Andy. Glad you get to deal with it now."

"Fuck you."

He eyed her. "Nope. Sorry. Out of all the people I'd screw? You wouldn't be one of them."

She snorted. "Same goes." She looked at him critically. "Although, if I were drunk enough…"

He let out a laugh. "Yeah, alright. There's been enough of those I've had, I can agree with you on that."

She sighed. "I guess I'll go to bed. I'm tired."

He yawned. "Yeah. They'll be up soon."

She stood and swayed a little. He was up in a flash and caught her.

"I'm denying to my grave I swooned in your presence," she muttered into his shirt.

He chuckled and picked her up bridal-style. "Come on, Doc. They call me the oak, but they ain't got nothing on you."

"Fuck off."

"I'll beat off, but I don't think you're interested."

She pulled a face. "Just deposit me on a damn bed and then get those hands away from me with your hairy palms."

"They only got hairy once."

"I know. I read the book."

"Damn Chuck Shirley," he growled.

She giggled. "Thanks for being my best friend, Dean. I always thought it was Ryan, but it really is you. You get me, you know?"

He had taken her downstairs to the basement bedroom and he gently placed her on the bed before he kissed her forehead. "Same goes, Doc. Same goes."

She rolled over and he covered her with the afghan Ryan had put on the bed. "I miss my Sammy," she murmured sleepily.

He blew out a breath. "I know you do." He put her out some water and aspirin, just in case the booze came back to kick her ass in the morning, and walked back upstairs. He really wanted to talk to Ryan. He missed her.

* * *

**Ryan POV**

Ryan sat back and rubbed her eyes. "Ugh. I'm cross eyed."

"Well, you're the one that reads Greek."

"I thought we were going to teach you how to read it," she growled.

"I got busy."

"Busy getting laid," she threw out with a grumble.

He smiled at that. "Yeah. I guess so."

She smiled, too. "He'll get her back to good, you know?"

Sam sighed. "I just wish I knew how to stop this constant stream of arguing we're doing."

"It's a new relationship. You two jumped in with both feet and you didn't get to know one another that well."

"You aren't saying…"

"No!" she exclaimed. "It wasn't a mistake, Sam. I'm just urging you two to give each other a bit of space. In the span of a few months, you've met, hated one another, slept together, fell in love, got married, got a house, and now you two are arguing over dogs and babies." She threw her hands up in exasperation. "It's a lot, dude. Give her some damn space."

His mouth fell open. "You of all people should…"

"What? Go along with you because you and I are alike? News flash, sugar, I don't agree with you. I'm not taking sides in this matter, but I don't agree with you rushing her to do anything."

"I'm not…"

"You are," she stated softly as she reached across to take his hand in hers. "You're in such a hurry for your happily ever after before you lose it, you're about to lose it before you get it!" She took a deep breath and blew it out. "Look, I'm just saying, you can't rush her. She's enough like Dean to put on the breaks completely. The fact you talked her into marrying you two months after you met? Astounding. And, again, let me reiterate, I don't think it was a mistake. But the fact remains, you two are like at warp speed over here. Just…pump the breaks a little bit."

"I want what you have, Ryan. What you and Dean have."

She shook her head and gave him a smile. "Do you have any idea how lucky you and Andy are?! I mean, you can just do…whatever the fuck you want to do, whenever the fuck you want to do it. My God, Sam! Think about it! No screaming in the middle of the night waking you up…you two decide to get frisky in the middle of watching a show on National Geographic? You can do it on the damn couch! I mean…you get to sleep in if you want, you get to go on hunts without worrying about babysitting, you get to come and go as you please without a pint-sized tyrant screaming because they don't want a cheeseburger, they want pizza…you two have this very small window of opportunity, Sam. Take advantage of it while the getting is good. Quit bitching over what you don't have, and enjoy what you do!"

He sat there a moment and blinked. "My God…"

She smirked. "And there it goes. I love watching the wheels in your head turn. Glad that hamster got up off his fat ass and started turning them."

"Fuck off, Ryan."

She blew him a kiss before she glanced at her phone, which was buzzing. She read the text with a smile. "Looks like your girl passed out for the night. You'll have to talk to her later."

He stood and stretched. "I need caffeine. Want me to make a run to that all night gas station a few blocks over so we can burn the midnight oil?"

"Sounds great, Sam."

He picked up the keys to her car and shot her a grin. "I'll just wait in the car until you open the door, just in case your…conversation with Dean turns into something that might embarrass me."

She giggled. "Well, I'd tell you we aren't going to have phone sex…"

"But you'd just be lying to me. Just, uh…not on my bed, alright?"

She laughed out loud and gave him a mocking salute. "Smart ass," she murmured as he walked out the door. She picked up her phone as she stood and walked to her bed. She needed to talk to Dean, and she had the distinct impression Sam was right.

* * *

After her talk with Dean, she took a shower and slipped into pajama pants and one of Dean's tee-shirts. They weren't going out tonight, anyway. Tomorrow they would interview witnesses and talk to the local sheriff's office. She opened the door to find Sam lounging against the car, furiously texting. Her eyebrow shot up. "Who you talking to?"

He jumped. "Damn it, Ryan!"

She let out a giggle. "You're not much of a hunter if I scared you."

"I was…"

"Concentrating. So I see. So, I repeat; who you talking to?"

"Andy. She's, uh…" He broke out into a grin. "She's drunk sexting me."

Ryan giggled. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"Well, if she could spell when she was drunk, it would help," he told her.

Ryan just shook her head. "Can you concentrate on the case, or do you need some alone time? I'll loan you the car, but only if you wipe everything down with a Clorox wipe afterward. They're in the trunk next to my machete."

"First off, I don't want to know why you need Clorox wipes in your car, and second, she just told me she was going to sleep."

"And do you now have…issues, bro? Or are you good?"

He smiled. "Well, it would have been sexier on my end if she wasn't stumbling all over. As it was, I…helped her, so I'm good."

"You two made up?"

He grimaced as he slipped his phone in his pocket and followed her into their room. "Yes and no. I mean, sex is never the issue."

"Tell me about it," she muttered as she took the coffee he handed her from the tray that had been sitting on the hood of the car.

"Yeah, so, that isn't the problem. All the other crap is and she's too drunk to deal with it, so we're in limbo."

"Everyone handles their crap their own way. Dean will help her. He probably talked to her about everything already, but Andy's a horny drunk, always has been."

He looked at her. "What?" she asked on a shrug. "It's true. I've known her a long time, Sam. I know her pretty well." She thought a moment. "Maybe not the same way Dean knows her. The two of them are thick as thieves. But I know what she likes, what alcohol she prefers depending on her mood, and how she acts in certain situations. I know her."

He sighed. "I just wish…"

"Know what my daddy always said?"

His eyebrow popped.

She smiled. "Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up faster."

He stared at her a moment before he burst out in laughter. When he calmed down, a few minutes later, he wiped tears from his eyes. "I needed that."

"My pleasure," she stated in amusement. "But seriously. Don't wish, Sam. Make it happen. You want her to talk? Then screaming at her and trying to assert your dominance over her isn't going to cut it." At his surprised expression, she added, "Don't tell me you don't wish, just a little bit, that she wasn't so damn headstrong. I know. I've been there. Dean may be alpha-male, but I like to control things. We butt heads. It's the way we work. We work through them. Compromise is your best friend."

"Thanks, Ryan. I'll…give it a shot."

She smiled. "It also helps to make her think it was her idea."

"Does that work?"

"Did we paint the bathroom aqua?"

His eyes widened. "I bow before your awesomeness, Ryan. You're evil."

She smirked. "I just know what I want and I've lived long enough to know how to get it. And that's how I have to do things with Andy as well as Dean. So, keep that in mind, yeah? Now, let's get to researching."

They worked for a few more hours before Sam yawned long and loud. "I can't anymore. I need sleep."

Ryan yawned as well. "I couldn't agree more. Let's call it, get a few hours rest, then we can hit the witnesses and sheriff's office."

Sam nodded and walked to the bathroom. Ryan continued reading until he came out wearing a tee shirt and a pair of flannel sleep pants. She figured it was her turn, so she snagged her pajamas, changed, brushed her teeth and put her hair in a braid to sleep in, then came back out. Sam was already under the covers and glanced over at her. "This is weird."

She smiled. "What's weird?"

"I've just…got this déjà vu thing going on."

She had noticed it, too. "Yeah, same goes."

"Well, Dean was right, we probably did hunt a lot together, the other timeline."

She nodded. "Yeah. I suppose so." She walked over to her bed and slipped her pants down her legs.

"Whoa! What are you doing?!"

She shot him a dour look. "I'm taking off my pants, Sam. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Wh-Why?"

"Because I don't sleep in pants?" she offered.

"You don't?"

"No. I don't. I really don't like sleeping in a shirt, but since you probably wouldn't be able to stop yourself from trying to cop a look, I decided to wear one."

"How kind," came his flat reply.

"Are you gonna be weird about this?"

"I…don't know."

"Well, at least you're honest."

"It's just…you're Dean's girl."

She sighed in exasperation. "We're not sleeping in the same bed here, Sam. You weren't weird before!"

"That was before you took your pants off!"

"I'm not putting them on," she ground out. "You can get the hell over it." She slid under her own covers and turned to face his bed. "Besides, you know Dean and Andy slept in the same room, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you trust the two of them didn't do anything besides hunt, get plastered, and try to start a bar fight, right?"

"I'm still pissed about that."

"They hunted well together, admit it."

"They ganked the monster," was his response.

"They did fine. And now we are hunting and it's fine."

He sighed. "I know. I just…this déjà vu thing, and damn Gabriel for the memories he gave me…"

She swallowed. She had moments of that, too; feelings that were out of place on occasion, especially about Sam. But she knew how absolutely she loved Dean. Knew, too, despite the fights he and Andy were having, Sam loved his wife implicitly. "Okay, so, we good?"

"Yeah. We're good."

"Good. Now I need sleep." She flipped off the light between them and she reveled in the silence and dark a few minutes.

"Hey, Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"You ever think about that time?"

"Truthfully? Occasionally. But Gabriel came to see me a few months ago and mentioned that one wasn't the only time he screwed with the timeline."

"You think…?"

"I don't know. But it ended badly, so I'm assuming something pretty catastrophic happened."

"More so than you taking a turn letting Lucifer run around in your skin?"

She winced. She knew, because she and Dean were both purified, she didn't have any demon left in her, but still, some times, she could almost recall instances of the power, and it scared her. "I guess?"

"Wonder what?"

"He was rather close-lipped about it."

"That must have been hard for him since he can't seem to shut up."

She let out a little laugh at that. "Maybe he's less…verbose as an adult than he is as a child."

"Doubtful. He was a chatty Cathy before, too."

A thought occurred to her. "You ever think about that time and hate him?"

"Bobby? No, I don't hate baby Gabriel, our little Bobby for that. If my life thus far has taught me anything, it's that sometimes, we screw up and we try to do the damn best we can. Sometimes it doesn't turn out like we want, but it works."

She was silent a moment. "You know, I am sorry for what he did to you, Sam. Dean, yeah, sure, but you especially. But he's always been there for me. I mean, I let him possess me for a while. We talked a lot. I think I know him pretty well. And he really did hate that he had to. Not that it excuses it, but he really did think he was doing the best he could."

Sam was quiet for a bit before he said, "I never realized how much like Dean he is."

She couldn't help the smile. "It's amazing, huh? I mean, during the apocalypse, it was always 'Dean is like Michael' but I never saw that. Well, I don't know Michael, but Gabriel always reminded me of Dean, even before he took on a vessel baring the bloodline."

"How fascinating is it though how everything wound together? You and Dean, both of you with the bloodlines, Gabriel, It's just…" He sighed. "Kinda makes me scared to think about kids."

"What? Why?"

"Lucifer isn't dead. He'll continue plotting, Ryan. And, yeah, it wasn't me, and it isn't you, but who is to say, down the road…maybe Andy and I shouldn't…"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Samuel Winchester or I'll come over there, tie you up in the sheets, and beat your ass with this god awful lamp."

He didn't have a response for that.

"Look, I know it's scary. You wanna talk about scary? How about having an angel of the lord come to you in the middle of the night and tell you he gave you a uterus, you got knocked up, and had to leave the love of your existence all in one night? How about the fact I was scared shitless sitting on an exam table for a miracle I didn't ask for? How about having to raise not one, but two kids, basically on my own! You're scared, Sam, I get it. And you're a logical thinker. Dangerous combo, but the fact remains. You got it pretty damn good and I don't want to hear you whining about it."

Silence reigned for a moment before he muttered, "Wow. Been holding that one in a while, huh?"

"Yes."

He chuckled. "Thanks, Ryan. You're terrific. You know that?"

"So I've heard."

"Seriously." He let out another yawn. "Okay, well, if you're not going to molest me in the night, I guess I'll go to sleep."

"Bite me, Sam," she told him affectionately.

"Nope, sorry. I'm a one-woman man."

"You'd better be. She knows about fifteen different ways to murder someone without a conventional weapon."

A pause, then, "I…didn't know that."

She chortled. "Well, now you do, slugger."

* * *

Three days later, the two managed to limp home in a busted ass car. Ryan let out a whimper as she stood, and it was only partially due to the concussion and bumps and bruises. "Fucking ghoulpires," she growled as she fingered the bent hood of her car. She chanced a glance at Sam. "How well is he going to take this?"

"Plus side?" Sam managed as he stood on a groan, "It ain't his baby. Downside?" He looked at her and she knew he was cataloging the cuts and bruises on her face. "He's going to tear me a new one for bringing you back to him looking like that."

She swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah…sorry about that." About that time, she heard Baby's engine coming down the road. She shot Sam a glare. "You texted him and let him know we were coming home!?" she winced as pain lanced through her. She and Sam both looked like shit. Who knew the woman was in on it the whole time? And then decided to take her for a joyride after beating the shit out of her?

"Uh…yes?" he offered.

"Fuck you," she growled.

"Nice. Real mature."

She stuck her tongue out at him as Dean stood from his car. "Oh my God. Ryan!"

"I'm okay, I'm alright," she managed as he crossed to her in three strides and crushed her to him.

"Are you sure?! I almost lost my shit when I was on the phone with you and you were being attacked by that thing."

"It's because of you and Andy we figured out what it was. Thank you. And I managed to at least rip his head off. Give me some credit."

"I don't give a shit about any of that. What the fuck happened?"

"Ryan saved us," Sam put in on a wheeze. She had bandaged his ribs, but she knew at least one was broken. "She managed to take out the big daddy."

Ryan's nose curled. "Who knew Deputy Dumbass was smarter than we gave him credit for?"

Just then, the Expedition pulled up, half on the lawn as Andy threw the vehicle in park, darted out, and leapt into Sam's arms. Ryan saw him grimace in pain only a second before his mouth fused with his wife's.

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "So…they've made up I guess?"

"Funny how your spouse almost getting themselves killed makes you see how much you'd miss them if they died!"

She just looked at him. "We're hunters, Dean. Don't play that card."

"You got your ass handed to you."

"Like you don't almost every time you go out on a hunt? I let it slide, how you and Andy came back last time. Don't make this a thing."

"Andy was fine and so was I," he stated defensively.

"So am I. So is Sam."

He clenched his jaw before he blew a breath out of his nose. "Okay, so, exactly why did you feel the need to fuck up the Falcon?"

"Because it was the only way I could stop the car when Deputy Dumbass stole it and I was handcuffed in the backseat?"

He looked at her, eyes widening slightly a moment before he broke out into a grin. "My girl. Always the badass."

She winked. "You know it."

* * *

**January 5 **

She heard the back door shut, causing her to look up from playing with Jon on the floor with his baby Legos. She and Tory were hanging out at home with the little guys. Sam and Andy were taking a few days to spend alone together, which everyone thought was a good idea. The lore was taking a backseat while the older kids were at school and Dean worked on repairing the Falcon. It had been less than a week since her and Sam's return, but Dean hadn't wanted to waste time. The weekend before, over New Year's, he and Ben had gone up to Bobby's old place and got some more stuff they would need to fix up the cars. Hope's baby was getting closer to needing a paintjob and Dean didn't trust anyone else to paint it, especially since Hope knew the exact shade of baby blue she wanted for her car. Plus, they'd salvaged around for parts to Ryan's metal baby, finally finding what they needed on an abandoned Falcon in Bobby's lot.

"How's it going?" Tory asked as Dean broached the door, beer bottle to his lips.

Ryan's mouth went dry and she swallowed hard before her mouth fell open. She watched, transfixed, as he tossed his head back. She couldn't even blink as his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed and saliva pooled in her mouth as she watched a lone bead of sweat travel down the side of his neck to disappear under his grey tee.

He fixed his gaze on her as he pulled the bottle from his mouth and opened it. She blinked once, twice, then said, "Huh?"

He smiled. "I said, 'she's going good. Won't be too much longer'. But, damn, you fucked her up nice and proper, babe."

"I apologized," she stated, somewhat breathlessly. She couldn't quite control her lungs. It was as if all the air had left them. Her eyes couldn't help but roam as she took in the sweat staining his shirt, the grease and dirt tracks criss-crossing their way over his chest and arms.

"Alright, well, I'm going back out there after I make me a sandwich."

Still, she stared at him. She felt Tory jab her in the side and she blinked again. "I made you one. It's sitting under a napkin on the table."

He walked over to her and pecked her lightly on the lips. "You're the best, babe."

She leaned in a bit more and he moved just out of her reach. "Careful, peaches, don't want to get you dirty."

She bit her lower lip and looked up at him from under her lashes before she licked her lips, tasting the tangy flavor of his sweat on her lips.

His smirk grew. "On second thought…" He grabbed her and pulled her to her feet. She let out a squeal as he tossed her over his shoulder. "Allard, keep the boys busy."

Ryan looked at Tory as she gave a chuckle. "I take it you'll be busy ravaging? Well, hang a rag on the door to the garage, give people some warning, alright?"

"Can do, chief. Thanks. I'll owe you one," he murmured as he walked Ryan through the kitchen, back in the direction of the garage.

Ryan couldn't help herself and gave his ass a gentle squeeze. He let out a hiss and Tory laughed out loud. "I'll put it on your tab!" she shot back as the backdoor shut behind them.

Ryan was jostled about as he bounded down the steps and across the yard to the garage. The smell of grease, gasoline, and oil assaulted her senses only a moment before she felt him shift her, a hard surface under her ass, and his mouth fused with hers.

She let out a moan as she sucked on his tongue. He plundered there a moment as she felt her clothes quickly disappearing. Her nipples hardened as the cold air of the garage brushed them, but then he pressed himself back to her and she felt warmth radiating through her. He leaned back but only to pull his shirt over his head and they were gloriously skin-to-skin.

"Lay back," he commanded and she felt the cold metal of the trunk of her car. She watched him as he pulled her boots and jeans off before she was completely naked and exposed to him. He stepped back and licked his lips. "Fucking hell, you're like a damn model, Ryan. Stay right there. I wanna remember this moment forever."

She smiled at him and put her arms over her head in what she hoped was a sexy pose. She blinked and blew him a kiss somewhat seductively and she enjoyed watching him shiver. He was still in his jeans and boots. He had grease on his cheek and arms, sweat on his chest, and he looked like a fantasy standing before her.

She licked her own lips as he slowly unbuttoned then unzipped his jeans. She let out a gasp as he slipped them down just enough to free his cock and she let out a moan when he pumped it once, twice, three times, a bead of precome pearling at the tip.

"Breathe, Ryan," he commanded and she sucked in a deep breath before slowly blowing it out. He smirked and swaggered back to her. He bent over and took one languid lick of her core before diving in, thrusting his tongue into her.

She uttered his name on a cry as her hands dove to his short hair, tugging as best she could. He'd gotten it cut, so she barely had enough to grab, but it got the job done.

He took his time and she didn't give two shakes of a rat's ass that anyone could walk in and see her naked, being feasted on by Dean. Besides, she was making enough noise to warn anyone away. She couldn't help it.

When he finally pulled away, he was smiling widely as his facial hair glistened with her come. He'd recently grown out a goatee and she loved every inch of that hair, especially the beard burns he left her with, and she knew she would be sensitive for the rest of the day.

He slowly moved up her body, kissing her stomach, taking care to pay attention to both her breasts, before, finally, he pulled her up just enough to fuse his mouth with hers once more.

She loved tasting herself on him. It had quickly become, not necessarily a kink of hers, but something she found herself liking more and more, enough that, occasionally, she tasted herself when he was on a case and she needed to get herself off.

"God, Peaches," he moaned as he laid her back down. "You're perfect."

"So are you," she panted as he took himself in his hand once more. She whimpered anew as he brushed her sensitive nub with his head.

"You ready?"

"For you? Always," she purred.

He moved his hips and they were connected. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he bent over her, taking turns sucking, nipping, and biting her nipples, leaving one cold and exposed as he moved to do the same to the other. Back and forth, back and forth, all while continuing a steady push and pull as he rocked them both to oblivion.

Her hands found purchase on his biceps and she massaged them as he continued to move, taking her through two more orgasms before she felt him stiffen as his own rocked him, triggering a final one from her.

He blew out a breath as he laid his head on her chest and she gently ran her fingers through his hair. "I love you," she whispered.

He looked up then and caught her eye. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

* * *

**January 7****th**

It was only two days later, another potential case crossed their desks. Hope happened to be in the bunker at the time and read the report over Ryan's shoulder. "I think I've seen this before."

Ryan blinked and looked up at her daughter. "What?"

"Give me a minute…" She stared off in space as she consulted her internal data banks.

"That's creepy as fuck when she does that," Ben commented as he looked up from the math homework he was currently working on. Ryan and Dean weren't ready to let him out to hunt yet, but he was working diligently and Ryan knew, by the time he graduated high school, he would be ready. Maybe even before.

"Shush," Ryan scolded with a smile.

"It's true, and you know it."

"She's buffering," Dean added on a snort.

"Got it!" Hope crowed a few moments later. "I know what, or should I say, who, it is." She gave a grim look. "But we're gonna have to hurry."

"Who is it?"

"Calliope."

"Who?"

"Calliope." She blushed. "We, uh…we had a thing, back in the day."

Sam started tapping away at his laptop, supposedly pulling up the info. "Got her. Says here she's a goddess and the muse of epic poetry in Greek mythology." His brow furrowed. "Get this. She's the daughter of Zeus and Mnemosyne." He glanced up at Hope, who nodded.

"Wait…" Ben stood and walked over to them. "Daughter of Zeus. Weren't you one of Zeus' sons?"

"Yeah."

"And you two had a thing?!"

"It was in ancient Greece! Things were different back then!"

"Yeah, but incest?! That's nasty."

She shot him a look. "We were born centuries apart."

"Doesn't matter. Still nasty."

She rolled her eyes. "I was a different person then."

Ryan chuckled. "Further proof Gabriel chose well when he chose a Winchester as your vessel." When her daughter looked at her blankly, Ryan said, "Apparently back in the day, you, like your father, would bed anything that stood still long enough."

"Hey, I didn't do incest and I didn't do dudes. That's gotta count for something," Dean murmured on a pout.

Ryan smiled. "And now you're a one-woman man."

"Damn straight."

"So, how do we kill her, Hope?" Sam asked. "We are going to have to kill her, right?"

Hope grimaced. "I could try to talk to her. She's kept a pretty low profile as of late. Last time I saw her was about three centuries ago."

"But on the off chance we can't talk her down?"

Hope's face was grim. "A stake that's been blessed will work."

"Blessed? By you?"

Hope's face took on a mask of incredulity. "Me? Seriously?"

"You're an angel, aren't you?"

"That does not automatically make me holy," she countered. "No, I suggest getting an actual priest to bless that bad boy."

Ryan clapped her hands and rubbed them together as she stood. "Okay, well, me, you, Andy and Kris can handle this."

"Girl's trip?!" Hope exclaimed.

Ryan nodded. "Girl's trip."

"What?! No! How is that fair?!" Dean whined as he leaned back from where he, too, had been looking over Ryan's shoulder.

"How about because this is an all girl's school for starters?"

"Dude. I call dibs," Ben stated.

A chorus of 'Shut up, Ben' rang around the room.

"Man. I'll drive." When no one answered him, he said, "I'll buy the snacks." Still, no one answered him. He tossed his pencil to the table. "No one ever lets me have any fun."

Ryan chortled and glanced at Hope. "Alright, you take point on this."

"No offense, but if you want me to take point, why are you and Andy going?"

Ryan thought of how she wanted to phrase it before she said, "I realize you are a different person than you were, but seeing her again might bring up old feelings. I don't want you compromised. If she needs to be taken out, I want her taken out. And I don't want you waffling."

Hope's eyes burned angel blue for a moment. "I know how to kill a monster that needs killing!"

"Not when she was related to you!" Ryan exclaimed. She blew out a breath. "And if you two were…" She grimaced. "If you two were lovers," Dean winced as well, "I don't want you having to be the one to gank her. Sam can tell you, that's no fun."

Sam shot her a bitchface but nodded. "She's right."

"It was a dalliance," Hope insisted. "It didn't mean anything."

The men in the room let out a low whistle. She glanced around at them. "What?"

"Has being a chick this time around not taught you anything? You can't go around saying that shit to women."

She shot her brother a look. "Duh, Ben. I know that. But the fact remains. Besides, it's not like she was looking for anything other than a good time…"

"Hope!" Dean sputtered. "For God's sake, can you not?"

She shrugged. "Just saying…"

Ryan held in the chuckle. "Fine, fine, let's just get our crap packed so we can go. Go home and pack you and Kris some stuff. We'll leave as soon as she gets off work."

"Yes!"

Ryan rolled her eyes as her daughter poofed out of sight on a flutter of wings. "I think you're right, Dean. Winchester plus angel equals nothing but trouble."

"Told ya."

* * *

Since Hope wasn't yet strong enough to fly anyone without a fountain of blood gushing from her nose, they drove. The drive to Flint, Michigan took them a while, but since they knew what they were going in for, it made things a bit easier. The bad news was, Calliope likely wouldn't show herself until the curtain closed for good, which meant watching and waiting, something none of them were particularly good at, especially when the second victim went missing.

"We don't move until show time," Hope told them as they prepared for the play. "I know Calli. She won't hurt them. She will only hurt Marie."

"Thanks," Marie stated drolly as she adjusted her 'Sam' wig. When they had gotten there and realized Marie was putting on a 'Supernatural' show, they were more than a little surprised, especially Ryan and Andy. Ryan was still a tad affronted that Marie hadn't believed her when she told her the truth of what happened to Sam and Dean. Andy found the whole thing amusing, especially when Marie called their story 'the worst fanfiction she'd ever heard'.

"I just wish Dean was here to see the 'Destiel' live and in person," Andy muttered as she watched the girls prep for the curtain to go up. Krissy was just standing there smirking. She had enjoyed the whole thing immensely. Hope had too. Had, in fact, gone to get a copy of the script so she could show it to Sam and Dean. She was particularly interested in the abomination that was the terrible second half, complete with the tentacles and outer space.

Ryan shot her the bitchface, causing Andy to grin. "That one was worthy of Sam! Makes me miss my moose. I may have to make out with you tonight, instead."

"So, wait, you're admitting I'm Sam and you're Dean?"

"Well, you are taller…" Andy countered, causing Krissy to roll her eyes.

"T minus two minutes!" Maeve shouted.

Ryan looked at the scared faces as the girls all gathered around. This was a ludicrous idea, the whole play, but it was Marie's baby, and Marie reminded her enough of Hope, especially as a younger girl, to respect her vision. "Alright. Bring it in." They all looked up at her expectantly and she found herself at a loss for words.

That was when Andy spoke up; "Alright. I know I have expressed some differences of opinion regarding this particular version of Supernatural." Ryan snorted. Andy had, in Dean's stead, been offended by the whole 'subtext' thing.

"But tonight," Andy continued, "It is all about Marie's vision. This is Marie's Supernatural. So, I want you to get out there, and I want you to stand as close as she wants you to, and I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can. There is no other road. No other way. No day, but today."

She heard Maeve whisper, "Did she just quote 'Rent'?"

"Yeah, but not enough to get us in trouble," came Marie's reply.

"Now," Andy went on. "I want you to go out there and kick it in the ass!"

"Nice speech, Aunt Andy," Hope told her as they all moved to their places.

Andy smirked. "I was channeling your father."

"You succeeded. Scarily," the girl deadpanned.

Andy shot her a look as they moved into position. Krissy and Andy were going to be on the other side of the stage while Ryan and Hope took point on this side. Then all they had to do was lay in wait.

Ryan kept her eyes peeled as she waited. She saw Andy across the stage bobbing her head with the song and she rolled her eyes. Suddenly, Andy stopped and made some kind of movement. Ryan shook her head and gave her a thumbs up. Andy tried to yell something at her without yelling but Ryan couldn't hear it. "What?"

Just then, she turned. The Scarecrow had appeared…and spirited Ryan away.

She regained consciousness in a room with two others she immediately recognized as the missing student and missing teacher. "Agent Smith?"

Ryan blinked and nodded. "Are you two alright?" They both nodded as well. Ryan stood and brushed herself off. "Where the hell are we?"

"School basement."

Ryan tried the door and the Ms. Chandler said, "Yeah, I tried that days ago."

"So, what? We're stuck here?"

Just then, a lovely woman in purple arrived. "That's right," she said and Ryan's eyes narrowed. "You're gonna miss the big show."

Ryan walked toward the goddess, but she felt herself being moved by an invisible hand as she was shoved into the door, pinned there.

"You know," Calliope went on, "I've consumed many authors. Many stories. But tonight, soon as that curtain opened, I knew something special was brewing with this one. Maybe it's because the story's actual inspiration is part of _your_ story. Isn't that right, Ryan?"

"Let them go. You want the inspiration for the story? Just keep me hostage. They'll come running."

Calliope grinned. "I may consider that…after I've enjoyed my meal."

"Don't you have to wait, until the vision has been realized?" Ryan asked as she sensed their time was running out.

"Oh, gods! If I have to sit through that second act one more time…There's robots. And tentacles. And space. I can't even."

Ryan was frantically trying to call out for Hope, that their connection, human to angel, mother to daughter, was strong enough she could call her. She really needed to get Gabriel's angel sigils removed off her ribs so the angels could find her faster… "So why this story, huh?" she asked to buy time. "Why Supernatural?"

"Supernatural has everything! Life. Death. Resurrection. Redemption. But above all, family. All set to music you can really tap your toe to. It isn't some meandering piece of genre dreck. It's…epic!"

"Calliope, stop."

Ryan glanced at the man and her brow furrowed. Who was it? And how did he get here?

"D-Dionysus?"

"Yes," the man stated as he walked toward her.

Ryan's eyes widened. "Hope?" she whispered. The man looked at her and gave her the smallest of nods.

"Dionysus, where have you been? I have searched. We all have."

"Where I have been is not of your concern. Let these people go. This isn't the way."

Calliope laughed. "You've gone soft! Where were you? Shacked up with some floosy who made you rethink your whole life story? The things you've done and now you dare say to let these people go?"

"They are but silly humans, Calli," his voice softened as he reached her. He put a hand to her face. "Let them go, then you and I may spirit away from this place. Let us find somewhere to go where we can hide away from the world."

Calliope gasped and all but jumped from his grasp. "Never. I refuse to hide away. I will have my meal and then I will go find the Winchesters and complete my journey. They will be the finest delicacies I've ever tasted!"

Ryan felt the grip on her leave as sudden as it came. She quickly jumped into action and picked up the stake she had dropped on the floor when she was forced to the wall. She looked up at Hope once more and he caught her eye. With a grim smile, he said, "That's what I was afraid of."

Ryan didn't waste any more time and thrust the stake into Calliope's back.

Hope grabbed her as she gasped, but then let go and stepped away quickly as Calliope exploded in a burst of purple goo.

Hope let out a sigh and her image seemed to shimmer for a moment before she reappeared as herself, pink plaid over shirt, white lace camisole, skinny jeans, hiking boots. "Hope!" Ryan cried as she ran to her daughter. "What the hell was that?"

"I had to try. When I saw she wouldn't see reason…" The girl trailed off and hugged Ryan for all she was worth.

Ryan returned it and patted her back. "Not that I'm complaining, but did you know you could change your image?"

Hope leaned back and smiled. "Little spell Loki taught me a few centuries ago. It comes in handy on occasion."

Ryan's eyebrow popped. "You're scary, you know that? Brilliant, but scary."

Hope grinned. "And a Harry Potter reference to boot? Best. Hunt. Ever."

Ryan chuckled and wrapped her arm around her daughter's shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of here, see how everyone else fared."

They tried the door, which opened easily enough, and dashed toward the auditorium where they met Andy coming to find them. "You okay, Winchester?" Ryan asked her.

Andy blew out a breath. "I'm getting too old for this shit. I'll be fine. But my damn rib is like a magnet for trouble."

"Here, I gotcha," Hope murmured as she touched Andy's forehead.

Andy smiled as she stood a bit straighter. "Thanks, kid."

Hope winked at her.

"So, you two saved our bacon, huh?" Krissy asked as Hope touched her forehead as well.

Hope glanced at Ryan and smiled. "Teamwork."

"Thank God for that. Can we go now?" Andy inquired.

"Yes! I now have an idea for our spring play!" Hope enthused.

"Whoop-de-do," Krissy intoned with sarcastic excitement.

* * *

**January 13****th**

**Hope POV**

She was all but vibrating with excitement as she gathered Ben, Jesse, and Krissy in their room. The boys had just finished reading their copies of the script.

Ben looked up from the papers and smiled. "This is kinda halfway awesome. Do I get to be Sam or Dean?"

Jesse let out a snort. "If you have to ask, you get to be the asshole."

Ben narrowed his eyes at the other boy. "I was being polite. But if we're being honest, the hair alone earns you the gender-bent version of Sam, hands down."

"Oh, I'm playing Dean," Hope told him. "Ben, you're playing Bobby."

"The hell, Hope?! That's not fair!"

She shrugged. "Whoever said life was fair?"

He thought a moment and his brow furrowed. "Wait. If I'm playing Bobby, who's playing me? And just how elaborate is this production of yours that a toddler needs an understudy?"

She shot him an exasperated look. "No, you dumbass. Not OUR Bobby, Bobby Singer! I'm not bringing US into it! For God's sake, man, we're supposed to be keeping our stuff on the down low!"

"But you are changing things," Krissy commented as she picked up Hope's copy of the script. "You're scrapping the whole second act and writing your own."

"So, wait," Ben stated as he tossed his copy of the script to the ground. "What's wrong with the version the chick wrote? I kinda like the robots in space thing. The only thing that's missing is the trip back in time to make it a western. That would really put a cool spin on it."

Hope narrowed her eyes and growled. She had been contemplating a trip through time to the 1800's, but now that Ben had suggested it? No way in Lucifer's sweet Hell. She'd be damned if anyone was going to take credit for her work. "This is MY production now! And her version was so stupid and…"

Krissy jumped up and stood between Hope and Ben. Hope hadn't realized how close the two had gotten during their argument.

"Alright, everyone just…cool your jets. Seriously, Ben, isn't the family story ridiculous enough without throwing spacebots in the mix? This is Supernatural, not Buck Rogers."

"Yeah, but robots. And we gotta keep that bit about him becoming a woman in act two…"

"That actually happens," Kris shot back.

Ben blinked. "What?!"

"Yep."

"Hell, forget robots. A full-blooded, gun-toting, menstruating Dean Winchester is ANYBODY'S worst nightmare."

"FYI, short bus, PMSing women don't NEED guns. I swear, were you BORN on thin ice?!" Krissy fired at him.

"Which is why I will be playing him, duh!" Hope shouted.

"Well, you're the big emotional roller coaster, Hope, so I guess it fits," Ben sniped back.

Hope gasped and she felt the tears prick her eyes.

Krissy glared at him. "Are you really that stupid?! You want a PMSing Winchester ANGEL on your ass? Idiot."

Ben looked from one girl to the other a moment before he shook his head. "I just became the idiot who ain't touching this with a ten-foot pole. Sorry, sis, but this has 'disaster' written all over it. You go parading a bunch of Winchesters around, telling their life stories? It's gonna become an in-your-face documentary. Quick. And no, I wasn't born on thin ice, but it sure as hell has our numbers."

"On second thought, maybe you should play Dean," Hope stated smarmily. "After he becomes a woman. I've never heard so much whiny, nagging emoting shit come out of a man in my life!"

"Yeah? Well at least I'm not some kind of know-it-all bitch who thinks she can lord over everyone!"

Hope moved her hand and Krissy gasped as only a second later, Ben was hanging, six inches from the ground, body shoved into the wall, blood dripping out of his nose, trying to fight off an invisible hand. "You can…be pissed all you want…you know I'm right."

Hope felt the raw power coming out of her and she sighed as she moved her hand again and he fell to the floor.

Jesse's eyes were round as saucers and black as night. "Watch it, Angel," he snarled at her. "Ben may be your brother, but he's my best friend. Don't make me fight you."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "I'd love to see you try."

"Ask Cas how he liked being a game piece. You can be the tree topper in act two."

"Oh yeah?!" she shouted, getting into his face. She didn't have to look up far. He was tall, but her vessel was, too. "Last I heard, you need dear, sweet brother Luci's mojo in order for you to get it up!"

His smile was cold, evil, calculated as he stated, "Trust me, sweetheart, I got enough juice to skewer me a baby angel."

"Baby angel!? You…you…"

Jesse's smile grew. "What? Got your dad's talent for witty retorts, I see."

"OH MY GOD!" Krissy shouted, breaking the two out of their argument. "This is supposed to be fun, but just like everything else that comes within sniffing distance of this family, it's giving me a damn migraine!" You guys wanna insist on this douchey tween version of Power Rangers? Fine. But I. Am. OUT." She glared at Jesse, poking him with a finger. "And as for YOU? The average demon's got nothing on you, no doubt…but I've been practicing. And I've got a spell that'll render you about as scary as a Viagra side effect," she snapped her fingers, "Just like THAT. So go at her. I dare you." With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

The three watched her go before they looked at one another sheepishly. "So, uh, how about we do Wicked instead?" Hope offered.

Both boys just shook their heads.

* * *

A week passed and the drama group decided they would put on "Into The Woods." Hope wasn't happy about it. She had been dying to play Elphaba since she saw Wicked with her mom and Jody, but she sucked it up. For the most part. The biggest problem she faced at the moment? Riley Waters. Jesse's girlfriend.

The chick was a mean girl bitch who used and abused Jesse for her own gain. She was the head cheerleader and she was also in the drama club with Hope, so, unfortunately, she was always stuck with the skank. And she _always _had to hear about the girl and Jesse's love life.

"I mean, okay, so he's a little emo and shy and stuff, but he's just like a little puppy dog. I tell him where to go, he goes. I tell him what to do, he does it. It's kind of nice having a robot for a boyfriend. And he's so sweet, I know he wouldn't cheat on me."

"Like you are on him?"

Hope gasped as she overheard Riley talking with her bestie, Reagan. She kept her head in her locker as she listened in.

"Well, it's not cheating. It just happened. A girl has needs."

"And those needs are in the backseat of Todd Swearingen's backseat?"

"Gah! Reagan! You're so bad."

Hope suddenly saw red. She wasn't sure what came over her. Later, Krissy would declare it a 'Ginger Snap' due to Hope's mahogany hair, but Hope couldn't stand to see this whore hurt her friend anymore and just like that, Riley screamed.

"What?"

"I just can't believe how much prettier I am than you," Riley stated.

"Huh?" Reagan asked, confused.

"Well, I am. I mean, I'm kind of a bitch, and I'm a whore for screwing your boyfriend behind your back, but I'm just so much prettier than you…"

Hope's smile was evil as Reagan slapped Riley's face and stomped away, crying.

"Come back! I know I'm your only friend!"

Hope almost felt sorry for the hell she'd unleashed. Almost. But not that much.

All morning, Riley kept admitting things she did, thoughts that should have stayed in her head, things that, if it weren't for the effects of Hope's spell, she would have kept buried in the deepest recesses of her asinine brain.

But it was in the afternoon, during basketball and cheerleading things got interesting. Jesse had somehow managed to score a spot on the basketball team with Ben. The cheerleaders cheered through football and basketball, so they were running through some of their drills while the boys practiced. Todd, who was also on the team, walked past and said, "Looking good ladies."

Riley smiled at him. "See you after school, Todd."

Jesse, who had been warming up very close to them, looked at his girlfriend. "I thought you had to go home and help your mom with your baby brother while she painted the living room."

"Oh, that's just what I told you so I could go have sex with Todd." Riley blinked and almost looked surprised at herself before she added, "And I lied about this weekend, too. We're going to the mountains with Josh's family. He's always a good lay and his mom doesn't care if we do it, as long as we're safe. You don't care, do you? I know you don't, because no matter how many teams you're on, you'll never be popular enough to want to dump me because I own this school and I own you."

Hope chuckled under her breath and Jesse's eyes clouded over as he looked at her. She swallowed hard as she realized he just may have been smart enough to figure out her game.

* * *

She managed to hitch a ride with Claire, who dropped her off before heading home to Tory, who was learning to cook. Hope was glad her new friend was settling in so well.

But of course, that didn't stop Jesse from attacking her the minute he walked in the front door. "Hope! Hope Deanna Winchester, get your bony ass down here right now!"

She groaned but stood from her bed. "What?!" she bellowed from the top of the stairs. "I'm studying."

"Bullshit. What the hell did you do to Riley?"

"What?" She tried for an innocent tone as she started walking down the stairs. "What are you talking about?"

"You whammied her with some kind of hoo-doo, didn't you?"

"No, I…"

He walked up three steps so he was in her face. His eyes turned black as he snarled, "TELL. ME. THE. TRUTH."

It was the first time she was actually afraid of him. "It was just a truth spell."

"Hope…" he groaned and walked back down the steps.

"She was telling all sorts of shit in the locker room, Jesse! I couldn't let her talk about you like that!"

"D'ya ever think it wasn't your business?!"

"Of course it's my business! You're my friend, Jesse!"

He shook his head adamantly. "Look, I realize you're still kinda new at human relationships, but you can't go around cursing people and you sure as hell can't fight all my battles for me!"

"Why not?! You seem hell-bent on not fighting them for yourself!"

He threw his hands up in the air. "This is a non-issue! If I want to let her go parading it around to the whole damn school, it's none of your business!"

"You knew?!"

"Of course I knew. I'm a demon, sweetheart. We know shit. And I could smell that douchebag's cologne on her a mile away!"

"Then…why?!" Hope gasped. "Why let her do that to you?!"

"Do you think I actually care about her? She's a means to an end. A glory hole and a mouth, Hope!"

She felt as if she'd been slapped. She had thought Jesse hadn't, wasn't going to… "So, the sex? That's the only reason you stay with her? Why? All you and Ben have to do is smile at a girl and her damn panties burst into flames! Why the fuck would you stay?" Realization dawned and she spat, "Don't tell me you LIKE taking abuse from that manipulative bitch?!"

"Tell me one thing that is different from the way she treated me and the way you are now!" he screamed back at her.

"Oh. No. You. Didn't."

* * *

**Ben POV **

"Oh shiiiiiiittttt," Ben muttered. In the beginning, it had been almost comical, Jesse bitching the whole ride home. Ben knew Riley was trouble when she propositioned him in the boy's locker room when he was running late to practice one day. And he'd told Jesse that. But Jesse was hell-bent on having a chick, if only to keep his mind off the one person he was burning a damn candle for. The person currently cursing at him and railing, all blue angel eyes and red hair. His baby sister. Jesse had a thing for Hope and Ben was the only one that knew it. But at the moment, they were fighting like it was going to turn into world war three. It was like watching an epic showdown between heaven and hell right in front of his face, and he wasn't sure the damn house would be standing if something didn't intervene. So, he did the only thing he could think of. He dialed Krissy's number. She'd stayed late at school to tutor a freshman in English and he knew she should be just about to finish up.

She picked up on the second ring. "What? I'm busy."

"Dude! Neo is fighting Morpheus!"

"What?!"

"Hope cursed Riley with some truth thing and now Jesse's pissed at her, and honestly, Kris, I'm kinda terrified they're gonna kill each other."

"Son of a bitch," she muttered.

"You better come save your girl because I've never seen Jesse this pissed off in my life." He paused as he watched the two. Powers were going to come out in about three seconds. He just knew it. His eyes narrowed. "He lays a black eye or a hand on her, he's gonna have BOTH of us to deal with."

She sighed. "You do realize this is what they train for, right?"

"I don't care if they trained for it. He hurts her, he's gonna have to answer to me, demon or not. Blood's thicker than that to me. She doesn't have all her powers yet. He does."

That must have struck a cord with the girl on the line because she said, "Give me five." He heard her talking to the freshman as she closed the line.

He watched and waited as the two continued trading barbs, yelling more prevalent than powers for a minute.

By the time Krissy arrived, spells and powers were flying everywhere and Ben had retreated to the safety of the kitchen where he could watch and listen but not be hit by any stray…anything. Krissy came in the side door. "You didn't try to stop this?!"

He looked at her and shook his head. "I value my life too much and I don't know that hoo-doo shit you do."

"Imbecile," she muttered as she walked to the doorway, muttering Latin and slitting a cut into her palm simultaneously as she went, breaking the two apart and both of them against separate walls. "Alright. Will you two idiots stop for a minute?"

Ben swallowed as he watched her. He'd never been more turned on in his whole damn life. She looked like a real witch in that instance. Magic seemed to sizzle off all five feet, two inches of her and the leftovers of the power in the room made her hair blow out behind her. "Fuck," he muttered as he watched her approach Hope.

"I'm ashamed of you, Hope."

"Me?! Jesse was the one…"

"Silence," Krissy murmured and the angel fell silent. Whether it was a spell, or Hope was just shocked Krissy would take Jesse's side, Ben wasn't sure. But it was hella effective. "You shouldn't have done it. You know our powers for magic and your powers with your grace are for good, not evil. You aren't to use them for petty shit like getting a girl to reveal the fact she likes it doggy style so she doesn't have to look at anyone's face!"

Ben snickered but she shot those brown eyes at him and he felt the heat from them all but burn his soul. He couldn't help but quote Deadpool in his head. Yeah, that look was gonna make him have to touch himself tonight. He gave her a half smile and a thumbs up.

She rolled her eyes and focused on her best friend. "Look, I get it, okay? She's not good enough for Jesse." Krissy smiled at the other boy. "No one is. We love Jesse like he's our brother. But that doesn't mean you curse a poor stupid human for being a selfish, manipulative bitch." Her eyes narrowed at Hope. "Especially when you are being such an incredible hypocrite."

Hope broke Krissy's hold and said, "Are you done now?"

Krissy waved a hand and Jesse was able to move as well. "Once you apologize, sure. But you need to realize, just because you can do it? That doesn't mean you should."

"Jurassic Park? Really? You're quoting that?"

"It's an apt quote. So?"

The two girls glared at one another so long, Ben was about to believe Armageddon would come before Hope blew out a breath and turned to Jesse, who was popping his neck, no doubt, due to the spells that had been shot his direction. "I'm sorry, Jess. I should have stayed out of it, or at the very least, come to you with what I knew. But she's such a…a…"

"Careful," Jesse said with a smile. "You don't want to be a hypocrite again."

Hope shot him a look but then smiled. "I'll reverse it."

"What?" he asked before he huffed out a breath and doubled over.

"The STD I gave you a few minutes ago."

"Is THAT what it is? That's cold," he growled as he winced. "Hell. You'd think I'd at least have sex first before I got one of those…"

Hope gasped. "You mean you…"

He shook his head. "No. I didn't…I don't love her. That's something…it should be with someone I love. The first time, at least, you know?"

Hope nodded. "I agree." She waved a hand at him and he stood straight.

"We good?" he inquired.

She nodded once more. "Yeah. We're good."

Krissy blew out a breath as they two walked up the stairs and to their separate bedrooms. "Well, that was close."

"That was hot. I knew you were learning, but you're really good at this magic stuff, Kris."

She smiled grimly. "Too good. It's worrying Dean."

"Don't let it. You're a woman of letters. Some of them are just gifted at magic. And you're one of those. It's an awesome talent. Wish I was half as good."

Krissy smiled. "Well, if you'd apply yourself to the spell work, instead of getting into girl's pants, you'd do a hell of a lot better."

He shrugged and smiled. "Maybe I'd just rather you back me up if I need help."

She smiled, too. "I might, if you're lucky."

That smile. Those eyes. Those lips. She was so damn beautiful. Yeah, he'd need a little self-love with that image in his head.

* * *

**January 24****th**

It was Dean's birthday, and he'd decided he wanted to go out for his birthday instead of anyone cooking. So, most of them gathered together to go out to the local steak place. Ben smiled at his dad and Ryan. They were both so damn happy. He wanted that. He glanced at the empty seat next to Hope.

Krissy'd had to work at the diner, so she wasn't able to join them for Dean's birthday supper. The more Ben thought about her, the more he was certain he wanted to do something about whatever was between them.

"Ben, thanks, man," Dean stated, knocking Ben from his reverie. Ben had bought him a new utility knife in the shape of a Batarang to replace the one Ryan had bought him. He'd broken it on a hunt and he'd been pretty damn pissed about it, too.

Ben smirked. "Thought it was _just _geeky enough for you, Dad."

Dean beamed and Ben was once more glad he'd started calling him 'Dad'. He missed his mom like crazy, but he loved this weird ass life he'd somehow been gifted with.

"Who knew thirty-seven would be so awesome? Thanks, everyone for the gifts and for just being one awesome family."

Everyone was all smiles and happy as they loaded up in their various cars to go home. Since their fight, (and Jesse breaking up with Riley) things were settling down between Hope and Jesse once more. They fought almost like Sam and Andy or Ryan and Dean, and Ben began to wonder if maybe they were soulmates without the souls. That was food for thought for another day. He let out a belch and rubbed his stomach. He'd eaten a huge steak and baked potato and had handed over his keys eagerly enough to Jesse, who didn't look quite as bloated as he felt.

"You disgust me," Hope growled from her place in the backseat.

"Bite me, Angel-face."

"Jackass."

He smirked in her direction and she returned it. He rubbed his stomach again. "Damn. Why did I eat that third piece of cake?"

"Because you're a pig?" Hope offered.

"I resent the snark."

"It's not snark when I speak nothing but the truth," she fired back.

"Alright, knock it off," Jesse warned. "We're almost home. Just, uh, don't puke, Ben. Alright?"

He groaned. He really shouldn't have eaten that much. Twenty ounces of beef, plus a potato, plus a salad, plus all that sugar may have tipped him over the scale, even if he was a teenage boy. "No promises," he managed on another burp.

"Ewww! Roll down a damn window!" Hope cried.

Ben couldn't help the grin as he rolled down his window a half inch, letting in the cold January air. "Better?"

"A fraction," she told him.

When they got home, he walked over to the Impala where Ryan was getting the leftovers out of the trunk. "Can I help?" he offered.

"Want to take the cake, or Jon?"

He eyed the toddler. He wasn't certain he could handle the weight of the kid on top of his over-stuffed stomach. "I'll handle the cake."

"Don't eat all of it," Dean commanded as he hoisted a sleeping Bobby onto his shoulder. "Some of that I'm eating later. Off Ryan."

"And on that note," Ben stated as he snagged the box from his step-mother. Just because he liked knowing Dean and Ryan had a happy life, did not mean he wanted the imagery associated with it.

Ryan chortled as she picked Jon up and patted his back gently. He, too, was sound asleep. Well, it was no wonder, as much bread and chicken nuggets the kid ate. He was a glutton. It ran in the family. "Be a dear, Ben, and open the door for us?"

He nodded as he jingled the keychain still in his hand. He walked up the steps and quickly opened the door. His mouth fell open and the box of cake fell out of his hand at the sight before him. Some guy. Laying on the couch. Under Krissy. Who was currently half undressed.

"WHAT IN THE SWEET HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" he heard from behind him. He glanced back at his father, who was passing Bobby off to a wide-eyed Hope. Dean barreled past him into the room, loading a clip into his 9mm as he went. "I hope you're into necrophilia, Kris," he growled. "Because this motherfucker's as good as dead."

"D-Dean…"

"Don't even!" he snarled. "You wanna be a grown up so bad? Fine by me! But not where I can see it!"

Krissy glared at him. "I AM a grown up!"

"Really?!" he shot back. "That's kind of hard to do when you've got your arms wrapped around your chest to hide your rack from the guy who's loved you like a father for the past year! I'm all for you being a grown-up, I just don't want to SEE it! Go do it in the back of your jeep like all the other horny teenagers in the world."

She stared at him, at the crowd, (minus Hope and Jesse, who had the common sense to take the little boys upstairs to bed) a moment before her eyes filled with tears. She ran out of the room and up the stairs.

Dean took one look at the dude on the couch and said, "Did you think I was playing, boy? Get your ass out of here before I murder it!"

The kid, Drake, Ben thought his name was, obviously didn't move fast enough because Dean pressed his gun to the boy's temple. "You must be a virgin or just plain hard up for tail if she convinced your dumb ass to come here." At whatever expression crossed Drake's face, Dean smiled coldly. "Wait. Let me guess. This was your idea, huh? Mom and Dad weren't home, let's go take advantage of her, huh? You mean to tell me my reputation didn't proceed me? I'm offended. Clearly you're up for 'moron of the year'. Move your ass. You' ain't getting laid. Not in my damn house. Not by her. And certainly not on my watch. Only thing you're sure to get here is a serious case of amnesia after I beat your ass. Ever been pistol-whipped?" He shook his head. "Trust me. It ain't fun…and it's exhausting." Dean paused a moment and Ben could almost see the wheels turning as he added, "Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna save myself a workout and just put a hole in your stupid skull. I'll hide the body when I'm good and damn ready."

Ryan managed to grab Drake, who had a suspicious wet spot on the front of his pants, and whispered conspiratorially as she led him to the door, "Come on, sweetie. I can't afford for him to go back to prison. He's got babies to support. Run along now and don't come back." Her eyes turned to steel as she added, "Oh, a word to the wise? I catch you sniffing around my girl again?! Well, let's just say I ain't afraid to do time, either. I'd be the baddest bitch to hit that cell block. You feel me?"

Drake tripped over himself in his hurry to run out the door and off the porch.

Ryan turned to Dean. "You know, that's the most fun I've had since that salt and burn last week."

Dean gave her a knowing smirk. "You mean the one where you and I…?" He got a far off look on his face. "Yeah, we need to do that again."

She nodded. "Definitely.

"But, babe," Dean whined, "You couldn't let me get one lick in?"

"You literally made him piss his pants, Dean. He probably shit himself as he ran down the road. Isn't that good enough?"

"No. It's not. And you wanna know why? 'Cause just once, I'd like to make an example outta one of these asshats. Good enough that word spreads and the next time one of our girls decides to scratch an itch, the bastard turns tail and runs."

She smiled but Ben could tell she wanted to laugh. "Please. After that guy with Hope? Trent whatshisface? Now this? Trust me. Word will spread. Ain't neither of our girls getting anything from any boy at that school anymore. Add that on top to what Ben and Jess did to that guy who spread that rumor?" She shook her head.

"Wait. What guy? What rumor?"

Her eyes widened and Ben was glad for the moment Dean seemed to forget he was standing there. He and Jess had handled the fucktruck who spread the rumor about Hope going down on him in the parking lot of the Gas N' Sip. It was, after all, only a few broken bones. And maybe a concussion. And Trent, well, Hope handled him. He and Jesse hadn't even needed to get their hands dirty on that one.

"Dean, the boys handled it."

"What was it about and who? I need names, damn it."

She shook her head. "No way in hell, hun. Trust me. The boys handled it."

"Not. Fucking. Good. Enough."

Ben swallowed and tried to disappear up the stairs but he heard, "Benjamin Isaac, I wanna know what was said about your sister and by who!"

He stalked over to Ben and got in his face. "And if you act like you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll start busting heads." He glared behind Ben and he felt sure it was Jesse standing behind him now as he added, "Or maybe I'll throw some salt around. See if that jogs your memory."

"Why don't you take a Geraitol, Dean? Trust me, the dude's taken care of."

Being human, Ben took Dean's threat a little more seriously and he started to fess up. "A-Alright. Here's what happened…"

"Dude!"

"What?! I can't just poof my ass outta here if he goes postal!"

Jesse's lip quirked. "Good point." He moved one more step and grabbed Ben's arm. "Sorry about this, Dean. But some things you're just better off not knowing." And with that, they both disappeared.

They reappeared in their bedroom. "Dude!" Ben whisper-yelled, but just then, thunder boomed outside. They snuck to their door and opened it in time to hear Dean growl, "Aww, hell," as Hope stormed back down the stairs. They watched, transfixed, as the fight between father and daughter began.

"Daddy! Why can't you just…"

In a move Ben had never seen Dean do, he twisted Hope's arm and pinned her to the wall. Jesse's fists clenched and Ben said, "Wait. Don't get into it."

"He'll hurt her!"

"No, he's making her see reason. Why else did we pummel the shit out of Nathan?! He's gotta have a say in this, too."

Jesse's nostrils flared, but he remained calm as Dean told Hope, "Listen, angel face…you and your mom may have some issues with a lot of shit. But this?! You're gonna listen to me. You and your sister, both." He turned his head and Ben glanced over to see Krissy at the top of the stairs, now with a tee shirt on over her jeans.

"I get that you're both growing up. I've accepted the fact you've aged yourself to be the same age, physically as Kris. I get that. I do. But trust me when I say, this isn't a war you wanna fight. Not with me. Not about this. So suck it up. You only have a few more months and…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "And then, you'll all be out hunting. Then no more arguments about what you're doing and who you're doing it with. But for now, please, for my sanity, please, let me look after you two okay? I know neither of you need it, but, damn it, at least make me feel like I've got some form of control, okay?"

When she didn't answer, he let her go and said, "Kris. Here. Now."

Krissy swallowed hard and walked down the steps to stand next to Hope. Dean turned his attention to her. "I gotta know. In what universe did you see a version of this play out that DIDN'T end in me flipping my shit?!" When she didn't answer, he chortled. "You expected to be done before we got back, right? Didn't figure it would take the two-minute-man long to get off and be done with it, right? Exactly what would have happened if we HADN'T walked in right then? Really? On my couch? Or would you have had the decency to take it upstairs? Would you have let Bobby or Jon walk in on that? Tell me. Please. I want to know."

"You've got such a double standard!" Krissy shouted all of a sudden. "You let Ben…"

"Ben has enough sense not to bring it into my house, UNDER MY ROOF." He ran his hands through his hair. "For God's sake, you two. You're supposed to be the smart ones here!"

Hope leaned against the wall, closed her eyes, and blew out a breath.

"Exactly," Dean muttered. "Now, like I said, give me the time I'm asking for…or you and Kris can keep rubbing my face in this shit, and some poor asshole ends up dead because you managed to find my breaking point. You two really want that blood on your hands for the sake of proving you're a big girl?"

"I'm trying to be human, Daddy, just like you said! And Kris…"

"You saying this ain't human? Because this is as human as it gets, including Kris being grounded for seriously thinking she could get away with doing this under my roof!" He sighed and began pacing, something Ben knew he did when he was thinking. "I'm not against you wanting to act human, but why do you have to choose a version that's a constant pain in my ass? Walking through a damn mine filed, giving your old man grief, wanting me to protect you from the live ones, just so long as I don't have a say in how you navigate it! You're doing all KINDS of human things. But they all suck. OUT LOUD."

She hung her head a moment before it defiantly rose and she shouted, "I'm an angel of the lord!"

He stopped and turned, causing Ben's blood to run cold as their father stated, "One who is so petty she curses a teenage girl?" At Hope's surprised look, Dean nodded. "Yeah. I know all about that shit. You may think you're so smart, but guess what, you aren't."

"I…I…"

"DON'T!" he yelled. "Look, kid, YOU are the one that chose me as your dad. Personally, I think you shoulda thought about that a little more, but here we are. Now suck it up, cupcake, and deal with it. If I have to tell you two again, I'm gonna consider it an act of defiance and reconsider your MOL tatts until you're ready to shoulder the responsibilities."

"But…"

"I know you're not about to argue with me when I'm being SO generous…"

The two eyed one another and Ben knew Hope was gauging if he was bluffing or not. She swallowed hard and nodded. Dean then rounded on Krissy. "Look, I get it. You're a teenager. You got all those damn hormones flowing through your head. Maybe he said some flowery shit to get under your shirt. Maybe you just said, 'what the hell' and decided to give it a go. I don't care. I really don't. You're not my kid, Kris, no matter how much I love ya like one. So, yeah, you're grounded for this stunt, for a week. And please, extend me the courtesy of never seeing that much of you naked again, okay?"

"Okay," she squeaked.

Dean cleared his throat. "Fine. Go on upstairs. I'm so fucking done with tonight. Forget hellhounds. Teenagers are the fucking worst."

Krissy opened her mouth to say something, then shut it before she turned on her heel and ran up after Hope.

Dean leaned against the wall he'd shoved Hope into and beat his head against it a few times. "Fucking teenagers," he muttered.

* * *

Later that week, things settled down and everyone seemed to be getting along well enough. They'd all finished their homework and were just chilling out. They were currently talking about superheroes. The Deadpool movie was coming out in a few weeks and the boys were more than a little excited to see it. Ben was a huge fan of the comics, and since Ryan Reynolds was such a big fan, he had high hopes it would be awesome.

"Well, Tobey Maguire will always be the Spider-Man for me," Hope stated in way of argument as they discussed his return in the Captain America movie coming out later in the year.

Krissy's eyebrow shot up and Ben just looked at her. "Dude. You weren't even _born _yet when that one came out."

She glared at him. "I was alive, dipshit. And trust me, I wasn't the only one sitting in that dark theater getting myself off to his cute little ass."

Krissy fake vomited and Ben shouted, "Dude! Quit! That's doubly weird, you know? Thinking of you as a guy, thinking about stuff like that!"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I sure as hell wasn't celibate my whole life before!"

Krissy curled her lip. "First of all, Tobey Maguire? Ew. Second, I'm gonna grab an ice pick and carve out my mind's eye. That's one mental image I coulda done without, and I've been hunting with Tory as she tells stories about her and Castiel's sex life that'll turn your hair white!"

Hope crossed her arms. "I'm not talking about that third movie with the greasy haired Peter Parker. I'm talking the first one. I was so jealous of Kristen Dunst. Or maybe I wanted to BE her? Or maybe I wanted to be a sandwich with them both?" Her eyes got a far off look. Ben chanced a glance at Jesse, who was currently looking at her like she was some sort of goddess.

Ben's mouth fell open. "Well, hell, Hope. If I ever doubted you were our father's kid, I damn sure don't now."

She ignored him and asked Krissy, "Alright Miss High and Mighty. Who's your 'Spider-Man'?"

"Please," Krissy stated on a huff. "No woman worth her salt wastes time on a pussy like Peter Parker, even if he is in his super-suit. Wolverine, on the other hand…" A shy smile graced her features. "Two hundred pounds of anger and Adamantium, giving the term 'mutant' a whole new meaning…" She blinked and looked back at Hope. "But, yeah, Spider-Man's for frustrated virgins who jack off in theaters."

"Excuse me?! I was a god!"

Krissy's eyebrow shot up. "Then why didn't you have some follower help you out, then, huh?"

Hope didn't answer and Krissy's expression changed. Her voice softened as she reached a hand out to grasp Hope's. "Look, I know we've talked. Gabriel did you a solid giving you this new life. You were unhappy with…things before. But seriously. Please tell me your new make and model comes with built in better taste."

Hope's eyes discreetly slid Jesse's direction before they went down to her lap with a small nod. "Yeah, I guess it has."

Ben, sensing the need to alleviate the sudden…whatever in the room, spoke up and said, "Like you'd even know what to DO with Wolverine, Chambers."

Her eyes narrowed and Hope muttered, "Awww, hell, here we go…"

"I know EXACTLY what do, Ben!" she growled.

His eyebrow popped. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Any damn thing he wants. Eagerly. And Obediently."

He swallowed, but came back with, "Didn't take you for the submissive type, Kris. Gotta say, I'm disappointed."

"The man has razor claws that come out of his hands, Braeden. One wrong move, you're ripped to shreds? Trust me, that's one person I'd obey when I was naked and exposed."

Ben refused the sudden rush of hormones when he imagined Krissy naked, as he remembered the feel of her body pressed to his, the feel of her in his arms the one time they'd kissed…

He cleared his throat, thankful he hadn't changed into pajama pants that didn't restrict him as much as the jeans he was currently wearing. "So, self-preservation aside, you like to take charge? Or like to be directed like the little lady?"

She held up a hand. "Just stop. Wolverine's presence and…assets command subservience. You?" She gave him a coy smile. "Not so much."

He was insulted and he felt sure his look reflected it. "You ain't SEEN my assets. If you did, you'd change your tune."

She fired back with, "A big cock won't do you much good if you don't know what to do with it."

He smirked. "You admitting I got a big one?"

She put her head in her hands as this time, Hope fake vomited. "That's it. I'm done. This conversation needs to be removed from all our brains."

Jesse finally spoke up to poke some fun. "You like Wolverine, Kris?" He smiled somewhat evilly. "I can make that happen."

"Pfft. My ass," Ben muttered.

"I turned an angel into an action figure, Braeden. I'm pretty sure this ain't above my pay grade, pal."

Ben gave Jesse a smug grin as his eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, Jess? How about it? And while you're dealing in fantasies, I'll take Catwoman. The Michelle Pfeiffer version." He looked at Krissy. "Whip. And. All."

"Yeah," Krissy deadpanned. "Like she wouldn't eat your ass alive."

"Damn straight she would. Otherwise, what would be the point?"

"OH MY GOD!" Jesse shouted. "Will you two hit it already? All the UST is about to make me barf!"

Ben leaned in and motioned between Hope and Jesse. "You first, Turner."

Jesse's face was a mixture of horror and alarm and he sputtered, "You're kidding, right?! I mean, come on, Hope is a child! I may be a demon, but I'm not a damn pedophile, as I've stated before!"

Hope looked like she'd been slapped. Shame and anger colored her face. The pictures on the walls began to rattle as she stood. "My vessel may be young, Turner, but I am NOT A CHILD. I'm eons older than you and my body is aged to the same as Kris so that makes me OLDER THAN YOU. You're not interested in me? Fine! Trust me, sugar, I wouldn't be caught DEAD with a stain like you!" She stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind her without touching it.

Ben let out a low whistle. "Wow. Dick move, Turner."

Jesse's mouth fell open as he seemed to finally realize what happened. "Oh shit. I-I gotta…"

"Apologize?" Krissy offered. "No kidding. Go. Now."

He was on his feet in a blink of an eye. He was almost to the door when he turned and waved his hand. "Almost forgot." He smirked and motioned between Krissy and Ben, who were now clothed in Cat Woman and Wolverine costumes. "She and I may have shit to sort out. The two of you? The only thing standing in your way, is you. Sort this shit out. Tonight."

* * *

**Jesse POV**

He ran out of the room and stopped. Where would she go when she was mad? He closed his eyes and reappeared at the bunker, where Ryan and Sam were currently burning the midnight oil. Dean and Andy had left on a hunt. Andy had called the case a birthday present for Dean before the two hauled ass out the morning after his birthday, and though it seemed as if neither of the spouses were thrilled with it, they had accepted sending them on the hunt for a couple of vampires stirring up shit near Jody when she called for help.

"Hey, you two see Hope?"

Ryan gave him a scathing glare as she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. The bruises and cut on her face from her and Andy's fight were still present. Hope had asked her to let her heal them, but she and Andy both had worn them like badges of honor. He wasn't exactly sure what the fight was about, all he knew was he heard Sam and Dean going on about their 'prizefighters' and how they were actually the winners in the end. Jesse had decided he really didn't want to know. "Do I want to know why my daughter showed up in tears needing to destroy something?"

He winced. "I'm an ass?" he offered.

Ryan blew out a breath. "Training room. She's decimating a punching bag at the moment. Not sure I'd go in there if I were you…"

"I'll take my chances."

"Your funeral," Sam muttered. Ryan glanced at him. "What?" he added. "She's got her Dad's attitude and your temper. She's screwed."

Ryan shot him a dour look. "No comment."

Jesse was grinning as he jogged down the hall. He could hear her grunts as she worked out her aggression. He chanced a glance inside and saw she had changed into workout gear already, probably using some of that grace she was building up. He knew he needed to talk to her, but he had to just stand back and watch her a moment. She was light on her feet, lithe, lean, with Ryan's build. She had on some tiny shorts and a sport's bra with a men's tank over the top that left very little to the imagination. She was slim, yes, but had small curves in all the right places. Finally he knocked himself mental up beside the head and cleared his throat. "Hope…"

"Take one step inside that door, I'm smiting your ass on principle!" she shouted.

He held up both hands, but stepped inside anyway. She moved and he caught a knife he hadn't known she carried. She threw two more which he caught in rapid succession. "Hope."

"Don't!" she cried and he hated hearing the way her voice caught as she looked at her shoes. "Just…don't."

He took one step closer. "Hope, let me explain."

Her eyes lit to his, fire burning within them. "Explain? Explain?! How you think I'm a child? How I'm worth less than the dirt on your boot?!"

He gasped. "What! No! Of course not!"

"Or how about how you don't see me as your equal, let's start with that…"

He held out both hands. "Hope, I…"

She held up a hand before she put up just one finger, pointing it slightly at him. "I don't want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. Either you change clothes and work out with me, I kill you, or you walk away. Choice is yours."

He blew out a breath. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't back down from this. Not until she blew off some steam. And he was afraid he had done irreparable damage to their relationship as it was. So with a thought, he changed his clothes to some simple basketball shorts, tank, and running shoes. He didn't forget the cup, though. He wasn't stupid. "Fine. Fight me."

She let out a roar and attacked.

She was a damn good fighter. Ryan had taught her from the time she was old enough to hold a position for more than a minute, but he was used to fighting on the streets. He didn't like using his powers if he could get by with it, and being a skinny runaway in big cities all over the world meant he'd had to learn how to use his fists more than he'd wanted. He let out a grunt when she landed a blow, then he managed to get one past her defenses. He wasn't sure how long they fought, but they were both dripping sweat and bleeding in a few places when she managed to catch him off guard and swept his feet out from under him.

She pounced and landed on top of him. He huffed out a breath as her weight settled on him but then he lost his breath completely when he looked up at her. Some of that glorious hair had slipped free of her ponytail and stuck to her damp skin. She had that fire of battle in her eyes and a determined set to her mouth as she managed through clenched teeth, "Do you yield?"

"Never," he snarled as he flipped them. He held her there, underneath him and as she squirmed, he couldn't help himself, he lowered his mouth to hers. And then the whole world cracked open.

A blow to his head knocked him off of her and he fell to the side as she stood, spitting that fire and venom at him as she roared, "WHAT WAS THAT!?"

"Hope…"

Her eyes narrowed. "NO! You do not get to just…just…talk shit about me and tell everyone you know how I'm a kid and then KISS ME, Jesse! It doesn't work that way!"

He swallowed hard and looked at her wide-eyed. "I'm…"

"You say you're sorry and I'm smiting you."

That made him smile. "I don't think you've got enough juice."

Her eyes burned angel blue. "Wanna try it?"

They stood there, panting, staring at one another before it really hit him what he'd done. He licked his lips and tasted her on his tongue. The sweet, angelic flavor of her. He hated the comparison, but he could almost liken it to angel food cake. Soft, sweet, and utterly delicious. Ben gave him shit for being a demon liking angel food cake, but it was his favorite. And Ryan made the best…

That's when it hit him. He was a demon. She was an angel. There was no way in any of the four plains this would work. He closed his eyes and groaned as his shoulders slunk and his head went down.

"Jesse?"

He took a few short breaths before he looked up at her again. She was so damn beautiful. Every inch of her. But not just on the outside. She was caring. She was compassionate. She was kind. Most of the time. She had a sense of justice unlike anything he'd ever witnessed and she drove him batshit crazy most of the damn time. But there was no way in hell he could have her. So, he was prepared to apologize and earn the smiting he so richly deserved. Instead, his mouth said, "I'm crazy about you."

"What?"

He blinked. "What?"

"What did you say?"

Instead of clamming up, the floodgates opened. "I'm crazy about you. You're perfect. Your eyes are like chocolate diamonds. Your hair is like the burning coals of a campfire. Your skin looks like it was made from the purest porcelain and I can't stop thinking about you. I want you. All of you. I want to do things I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined. I want to spend every waking moment with you. I want to learn what it's like to fall in love. I want to be a better man. I want to…" his voice was soft as he said, "I want to learn how to make love to you."

She gasped and both her hands went to her mouth. "But you said…"

"It's not gonna work," he stated sadly. "You're an angel. I'm a demon, Hope. Come on. Catch a clue here, sweetheart. It's never gonna…"

"Who says?"

"Your dad, for one."

"Fuck him."

His eyes widened. "WHAT?"

"You heard me. Fuck. Him. The only thing keeping me here is the fact I love this family. I could go off on my own already."

"You don't have all your powers," he started. "You can't…"

She took in a breath, closed her eyes, and slowly, he watched, transfixed, as her wings unfurled behind her. Light emanated from her in a blinding display. She opened her eyes and they burned blue for only a moment before it passed and it was just her human visage standing there. "I'm stronger than I've let on. Partly because of them, partly because of me. I could…we could…"

He approached her but didn't touch her, not yet. "No, Hope."

"But…"

He grasped her upper arms then, and the grace still sizzling off her burned his hands, but he had to get this through to her. "No. We can't. We can't hurt them like that."

She shoved him and turned away from him as she walked a few steps away. "So it's better to hurt ME instead?!"

He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he put his head on her shoulder. "No. I never want to hurt you, Hope. I tried, do you know how hard I tried to keep this in?"

She turned in his arms and put a hand to his face. "Why did you think you had to?"

"Because I…" he blew out a breath and closed his eyes. He couldn't handle looking into the richness of hers. "Because I'm stained, Hope. You need something pure and light and I'm stained and dark and I just…"

She silenced him with a kiss. He gasped in surprise only for a moment before his arms tightened around her as the kiss gently deepened. He'd never felt anything like this before. This was…it was everything. This one moment would hinge the rest of his life. Good or bad, this was it. He could either take a leap of faith, be with her, or damn them both to the hell he'd been living in currently.

When he pulled away, he opened his eyes. She still had hers closed, but she had the cutest, goofiest smile on her lips. She opened her eyes lazily and her smile grew. "I think I'm crazy about you, too," she admitted.

He felt like his world exploded, but only in the best of ways. He had a moment where he felt like the Grinch. His heart grew more than three sizes, though. It grew about ten. He swallowed hard. "You mean it?" he managed.

She nodded. "I do."

He had a flash, just then, her in a wedding dress, murmuring those same two words. He wasn't sure if it was to come, or happened in the past, or what, but it filled him even fuller with hope. He smiled at that. Hope. Of course. "So…what? We're…dating?"

"Yes?" she answered in way of question. Her eyes narrowed. "None of those skanks at school better not have their hands on you."

"Only if you quit with the douchebags."

"Me?"

"Gideon. Leo. Mark. Chris. How many others?"

"They were a means to an end," she murmured as she looked away.

He grabbed her chin and gently forced her to look up at him again. "Did they…were they…" how could he ask her how far she'd gone with them?

Her eyes grew wide as she shook her head. "This," she motioned between them, "This is as far as they've gone. I haven't…I knew I couldn't…I wasn't ready for that, okay? I'm not enough like him, like Ben for that. Not yet."

He blew out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Okay. Good. I mean, not that I cared, but…" He trailed off and gave her a sheepish smile.

She was quiet a moment before she whispered, "So, you either, huh?"

He shrugged. "Timing wasn't right. I want it to be with someone I love. And if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. I mean, I'm normal enough, I think, I just…"

She silenced him with another kiss. "Shut up and kiss me," she murmured against his mouth.

He didn't know how long they made out, but when they pulled apart, both panting, it was due to the fact the light in the hallway flickered once, then once again, not demonic, but as a warning. Hope's eyes widened and she giggled as she disappeared.

Ryan chose that moment to appear at the door. "Are you two done?"

He felt his face heat and was pretty sure his face was the same shade as a tomato. "Ryan…"

She held up a hand. "The writing was on the wall for this one, sugar. It's fine."

"But she's…I'm…"

Ryan smiled. "Young and in love?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" His eyes widened. "What do you know? What did you hear?"

"Enough," she told him with a wink. "It's fine. Same rules go as for Ben, okay? You two have to continue with your schoolwork, I'll keep a close eye on how much time you spend together, and…I won't tell Dean. Not yet."

"You won't?"

She closed one eye in thought a moment. "This between you two? It's so new. And he's…he doesn't know how to be a father to a daughter. Not a teenage one. I know you're a good guy, Jess. You'll do right by her. But I'm not naïve, either. The two of you have to be careful, alright? And while I won't tell him the two of you are together, you still need to be cautious."

"Why?"

"_Because_ he doesn't know how to be a father to her, he may damage what they have if he reacts badly to this. I'll condition him, but don't flaunt it, either, okay? It's nothing personal. No one is going to be good enough for her. Remember that, and you'll be fine. But, ah, a word to the wise? Start making a tad more effort to show him you _are_ good enough, alright?"

"But, I'm not, am I?"

Something passed on her face before she crossed to him and hugged him. "You're a great guy, Jesse. I wouldn't give you my blessing if I thought you would hurt her. Truthfully, I'm much more worried about her hurting you."

"Me? How?"

She seemed to choose her words carefully. "Winchesters are awesome creatures, Jesse. They love unconditionally, but they're notoriously self-sacrificing. It's not out of the realm of possibility for her to do something stupid for someone she loves. And that can lead to disaster for the people that love them. Just…remember, they tend to lead with their hearts, not their heads."

He nodded. "Okay."

She smiled. "But go have fun. Forget the angel and demon crap. Enjoy this. Carefully. Cautiously. Because I'm still watching. And I'll bust both of your heads if you hurt one another."

He chuckled. "Yes ma'am."

"Go on. I'll drive home. Poof yourself back there."

He was insulted. "I'm a demon. We don't 'poof' anywhere."

Her eyebrow rose. "Then what do you call it?"

"I…"

She grinned. "Exactly. "Poof home, boy."

He was about to go, when he stopped. "You may want to hurry. I might have left Ben and Krissy in a…let's say odd position."

Her eyebrow rose and he rubbed his neck as it heated. "I, uh, may have left them in a Wolverine and Cat Woman suit to settle their shit."

She crossed her arms at him again and the look on her face was one of disapproval.

He sighed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm about 0 and 2 tonight. I'll fix it."

She shook her head. "Those two…I don't know what to say about them."

"The writing is on the wall with them, too, isn't it?"

She smiled at that. "Winchesters love. And they love fiercely. Ben is one, whether he takes the name or not."

He winced. "I'll head back now, see what kind of damage is going on. Hopefully not too bad…"

"My kids are asleep in that house, Jesse Turner," she stated in way of warning. "You go check them. Personally."

He nodded. "Yes ma'am," he murmured as he winked out of sight.


	53. Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting

**Disclaimer: Nope. Note SPN does not belong to me. Which sucks ass, BTW.**

**Author's Note: SO sorry I haven't posted! Both my kids have to have their tonsils taken out. I'm neck deep in Day Camp planning. But on the up side, my hubby's surprise birthday party went off without a hitch, so that's one thing in my favor. Enjoy! And no, I haven't abandoned this bad boy. I have a TON of story left to tell if I can just find the time to write it...**

* * *

**January 24 (We are backtracking a bit so we can hear some of this lovely story and what happened last time while the kids were dealing with their…issues)**

**Ryan POV **

"Fucking teenagers," Dean moaned.

Ryan blew out a breath and made an executive decision. "Come on, Dean. Let's…let's get out of here."

He glanced up the stairs and sighed. "Where?"

"The bunker. No kids. Come on. Let's call Andy and Sam, tell them about this lovely debacle."

"God. Fuck, Ryan. I thought Hope getting her period was bad…"

Ryan shook her head as she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, which narrowed. "Go on out to the Impala, sweetie. I'll be right there."

"Yeah. Okay." He walked to the cake box and let out a little whine. "And my fucking cake…"

Her lip quirked. "It's fine, Dean, just a little dented. I'm sure you can still eat it."

"I demand those two brats make me a damn pie. Apple. With those fucking apples cut BY HAND. No magic. No powers."

Ryan nodded in amusement. "Go on outside. Take the cake with you."

He scooped up the box, still muttering as he walked out. Ryan's jaw clenched as she stalked up the stairs. She felt sure the girls had enough for the evening. But the boys… She didn't bother knocking, just stormed on in. "Hello, boys."

"Jeez, Ryan! Knock or something!" Ben shouted as he put his hand dramatically over his naked chest. Apparently he had been changing for bed.

She rolled her eyes. "Since when are you shy?" she countered as she stared from one to the other. "Look, you two didn't have anything to do with tonight per se, but I'm watching you. I think it's great you stand together, but winking outta here and not facing your responsibilities? Dick. Move. I'll let it slide this time because there was enough shit that went down tonight, but remember, Jesse, you can't just disappear as way of handling crap. Occasionally you have to face up to your problems. Both of you. Okay?"

"Yes ma'am," they both stated softly.

She sighed. "Now, thanks to tonight, I won't get to celebrate Dean's birthday how I intended. So, instead, I'm taking him to get drunk because that is how _he _handles things. I expect you two to keep an ear out for the littles and let me know if they need anything. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am," they chorused again.

She eyed them before a slight smile graced her features. "And try not to give Krissy too much shit, okay? I'm sure she's hella embarrassed, alright?"

They both nodded and she turned on her heel before she marched down the stairs and out the door.

She made it to the Impala, and surprisingly, he was sitting in the passenger seat. Her eyebrow shot up but she got behind the wheel and reached for the ignition which already held the key. "You okay?" she inquired as she cranked the car. She closed her eyes in pleasure and a smile flitted across her face as it fired up. She did so love this damn car.

He let out a moan and she sighed before she pulled out her phone and texted Sam. "We had a shit storm when we got home. Drinks?"

Sam fired back quickly enough with; "She wants to know who fucked up Wyatt."

Ryan rolled her eyes before she responded; "His quote? 'Fucking teenagers'."

She waited only a second before Sam inquired; "Where?"

"Bunker," was all Ryan replied as she threw the car in reverse and hauled ass out of the driveway.

She reached her hand under the driver's seat and tossed Dean the bottle she knew he kept there. "You know, I don't usually condone drinking to deal with your issues, but after tonight? Screw that. I need some booze, too. And we can sleep it off at the bunker."

He looked over at her and she glanced at him. "What?"

"I fucking love you."

She chortled. "You should. I'll salvage tonight, baby, okay?"

"Thanks," he muttered as they drove.

Ryan pulled into the bunker only moments before Sam pulled in. "Do I want to know?" he asked in way of greeting.

Ryan shook her head. "Probably not."

Andy was, surprisingly, more in tune with Dean as she hurried over to him. "Who I gotta fuck up for messing up your birthday, big boy?"

"Ung," Dean moaned. "Kids. Damn kids. Why did we procreate? Why did we take any in? Why do they gotta be teenage girls?!"

At Sam's worried look, Ryan sighed. "We caught Kris and some boy in a…compromising position on the couch."

Sam's nose wrinkled and Andy's eyes widened. "And the boy was stupid enough to come home with her?!"

"That's what I said!" Dean exclaimed.

Andy shook her head as she led the way into the bunker. "Wow. What. A. Dumbass."

"Tell me about it," Dean muttered and they were off, bitching together.

Sam leaned over to Ryan as they both walked in. "You sure this is a good idea, letting them drink and bitch together?"

Ryan shrugged with a smile. "It's his birthday. I'll let them have a freebie."

Sam seemed to think about that. "Sounds good, I guess."

Ryan chortled and grabbed his hand. "May as well drink a little, too, Sam."

"I'm going to take her home after this. I had a night planned, too, you know," he grumbled.

Ryan snorted as she glanced at the two already getting out bottles, lightly arguing together. "I don't think you're gonna get it, Sam."

Three hours, four bottles, and a belching contest later, Dean and Andy were both well on their way to drunk. Ryan, who had checked in with Ben one more time, knew they weren't leaving the bunker before morning, so she drank a bit along with them. Sam nursed a beer, but other than that, was more than content to eventually go home.

"Come on, Doc, you gotta admit it, the Sig is a damn lady gun," Dean was saying, or rather, slurring.

"I can kill your ass with that lady gun," she argued at him as she swigged her drink.

"No argument, but come on. I mean, look at mine, then look at yours."

"We gonna whip 'em out, big boy? I gotta be honest, I can fuck you up with mine."

"Again, no argument, but I just…"

"Look, thundercunt, don't make me shoot your ass on principle!"

Dean blinked. "What did you just call me?!"

"You heard me, dumbass!"

"Yeah, but…what the hell?"

Andy pointed a finger at him. "Pfft, please. All the bitch you've got lurking around in there, don't tell me it's not a little bit true!"

Dean looked affronted and Sam murmured, "Okay, on that note, time to go."

Dean blinked. "She…you called me…a fucking…seriously?"

Ryan rolled her eyes. She loved him to pieces but he was an idiot. "Come on, you piss off the female version of you when she's PMSing? Wow, babe. You're dumber than you look."

Sam was trying to gather Andy up, but she would have none of it. Apparently she was just drunk enough to be pissed at Dean for his gun of choice, because she shouted, "If I ever find that damn spell that chick used on you to turn you into a chick, I'm doing it! So watch your back, Winchester! And don't think I can't find out! I know Krissy did the same spell in the other timeline. I'm sure she's itching for an excuse to use it again!"

Dean heaved out a sigh. "FINE. How do I make this square, Andy? I know! You, me, some mouthy demons just begging for it?"

"Seriously?! You wanna take me out on a hunt as an APOLOGY?!"

"If I can avoid another stint as a chick? OH YEAH."

"Sold. Let's do it."

Ryan just sat there shaking her head. "Amazing,"

Sam sighed. "Honestly, Andy, I can't believe you're agreeing to this. You'll change your mind after you've sobered up."

Andy echoed Ryan's thoughts as she turned and spouted, "I'm sorry, have you MET ME?!"

Sam shook his head. "We let it slide the first time, but seriously? You and Dean. On a hunt? Together? Again? I don't think so."

"Oh my God! What are you? My mother? Bite me! A bad idea?! Two people who have extensive experience in torturing demons? Hell, that's not a bad idea, that's…that's DISNEYLAND, pal!"

"That's my point," he muttered under his breath. Sam then turned to Dean. "Dean, seriously…surely you've got to see a repeat performance of last time is a bad idea."

"How? Me and Blackwell got a lot in common. Come on."

"Winchester, dickless!" Andy shouted.

"It's weird," Sam stated finally.

Ryan's eyebrow rose. This ought to be good.

Dean's brow furrowed. "Weird? Dude, you and Ryan are practically attached at the hip reading those damn books and talking about that fucking foreign film you wanna watch. I can have a friend, too, damn it."

"Awww! Deanie! I'm your friend?! That's awesome!" Andy gushed.

Sam shot his brother the bitchface and Ryan couldn't help but smile. Whatever Sam's issues about the two hunting together, and she had a few of her own, they did get the job done. And apparently sensing he wasn't going to win this fight, he sighed. "Can you at least wait until she's sober?"

Dean looked at Andy first. "Yes, you're my friend, but only if you never call me 'Deanie' again." He turned his gaze back to his brother. "I'll wait until she's sober if you insist, but…"

"BUT?!"

Dean held his hand up. "You know what? Never mind. On my word, she won't leave until she's stone sober."

"Thank you."

"…and less fun," Dean muttered under his breath.

"WHAT?!"

"What? Nothing."

"You two are dangerous. You need me and Ryan to ground you two."

"Party pooper!" Andy called out before taking a swig straight from the tequila bottle.

Sam walked over, picked her up, and tossed her over his shoulder. "Say goodnight, Andy. I'm taking you home."

"Oh! Sorry, Deanie! I gotta go. Sam's got his Dom voice on! Gonna have a rough night tonight. I may not be able to walk tomorrow."

"Dude. Boundaries!" Dean called after them as they walked out.

"I'm going to-o fuck your bro-other!" she sang as Sam carried her out the door.

Dean looked at Ryan. "She's your friend."

Ryan rolled her eyes and downed a shot before she stood. "Come on, big boy. Let's go to bed."

He stood there a moment before a mischievous grin lit his features. "What?" she asked.

His gaze took on a predatory glare as he stalked toward her causing her to giggle and back away. "You know," he purred, all sex, "I haven't had you on these tables in a long ass time, Ryan. You remember the last time?"

She gasped out a breath. "Our 'vacation' here, after your cure."

He nodded as he reached for her. She darted out of his way and he came after her again. "Yep. I want you. Here. Now." He caught her and began sucking her neck.

"D-Dean…they could come back…"

"We both know she's probably made him pull over on the damn side of the road by now. She's a horny drunk."

He returned to his ministrations and her hand fisted in his hair. "S-So are you…"

"Damn straight," he managed as he all but ripped her shirt from her.

"F-Fuck," she whimpered as his hands fisted both her breasts.

"If I don't have you now, I'm gonna explode, peaches."

She let out a groan. "God, yes."

She wasn't exactly sure how they wound up in the garage a few hours later. A few body shots off her, a naked game of hide-and-seek, and him plying her with more alcohol was all she knew. She smiled as she looked over at him. They were both currently in the backseat of one of the cars. "Best. Birthday. Ever." Dean murmured sleepily.

Ryan couldn't agree more.

* * *

Ryan had never done a walk of shame, but as she walked into her house that next morning, she finally knew what it felt like. Of course, Krissy was being somewhat close-lipped, but the two oldest boys let her have it. Luckily, stuff like that didn't faze her and she enjoyed joking around with the two. "Laugh it up," she stated, "But at least I, unlike others in this house, actually got laid last night."

Ben's mouth fell open before that Winchester smirk graced his features. "Go Ryan. Damn. I'm impressed."

She winked at him as she started cutting up Jon's banana.

A few hours later, found them back at the bunker. Tory was taking her turn looking after the little dudes. Since acquiring Claire, Tory had found she wanted to try her hand at being there for the girl, so, she'd benched hunting just a bit. It had been interesting, seeing her friend delving into domestic life, but Ryan had to admit, Tory had a natural ability with kids. She had even gone so far as to get a job with the local Boys and Girls Club a few days a week with at-risk kids like she had been. It had been good for her.

"Do I wanna know what you two did after we left?" Sam asked as he sat down and pulled his laptop out of its case. He sat it, and a deli wrapped sandwich on the table causing her to smile.

"Uh…about that…"

"What…?"

Dean snorted as he walked in, fresh from his workout. He didn't run, true, but he was good with the other stuff in the bunker's gym. He had just finished sweating out the last of the booze. When Ryan had walked past the door, she heard Andy hurling insults at him, so, clearly, they had decided to spar after their workouts. "I'd wipe that table off before you eat on it if I were you."

Sam glanced at the table where his turkey on rye sat, to Ryan, then Dean. "Oh, GOD YOU GUYS! On the table?!"

Ryan couldn't help the giggle. "Well, it's not like it's the first time…"

"Or the only place," Dean added with a wink.

"Fuck's sake," Sam muttered as he stood and walked out of the room. He returned a few moments later and started wiping the table down with some spray and a cloth muttering about them being lab rats.

Dean and Ryan exchanged a look and a high five. Even Ryan had to admit occasionally, Sam was a stick in the mud. "And on that note," Dean grinned. "I'm off to shower."

Ryan popped his ass as he walked past. He jumped and shot her a wink and an inappropriate hand gesture, causing her to giggle. She caught Sam looking at her. "What?"

He gave her a half smile and shook his head. "Nothing. I just…I like seeing you and him like this. And I like…" Just then, Andy came up, having obviously showered first after her sparring session with Dean and rubbed Sam's ass as she stole his seat. "I like us, too."

Ryan smiled. "I know exactly what you mean." She continued her search for anything weird until Dean returned and dropped down next to her.

"So? What you want me to fix for dinner tonight?" he asked. It was his turn.

She was about to answer when his phone rang. He frowned. "Who calls me nowadays?" They had a designated hunter's line for people calling in needing lore info and a separate number for people needing help on cases.

He pulled out his phone and smiled. "Sheriff Mills. And what do I owe the pleasure?"

Ryan smiled and turned back to her computer as Dean talked to Jody. She missed the other woman. They hadn't had much time lately to talk.

She perked up, however, when Dean said, "Yeah, alright, Jody. Sure. You know we're here to help. It's our job. Give us a few hours, we'll be there."

He hung up the phone and she asked, "What's up?"

"Jody said something's going on. Wants to know if we'll come up, check things out."

Ryan nodded. "Sure. You and Sam go on."

Dean glanced at Andy, who nodded, and said, "Me and Andy kinda thought we'd…"

"Not just 'no', Dean!" Sam all but shouted.

Dean's brow furrowed. "What? Did you mean that shit last night?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Andy wanted to know.

Sam looked to before he sighed. "Look, we gotta sort some shit out."

Ryan nodded as she pointed to first Dean, then Andy. Just because they were all getting along and she was glad Dean had a…playmate, for lack of a better word, did not mean this shit would fly twenty-four/seven. And at the moment, she was about tired of the two of them being thick as thieves. "This…this 'super secret spy club' thing you two have going? Stop it."

Dean let out a chuckle. "You guys aren't serious." He gestured to Andy, who was sitting there with her arms crossed, looking confused. "Me and her? We're having a BALL. I thought that was what you wanted."

"Yeah, Sam," Andy spoke up. "You and Ryan have a bond. Don't you want the same for me and Dean?"

Sam looked at Ryan again and whispered, "I'm kinda speechless here. How do we argue with that?!"

Ryan's jaw set. "I tell you how!" She blew a breath out, attempting at some maturity as she said, "Andy, you're like a sister to me, have been for years. And I love you. But Dean…Dean is…"

Andy glared at her. "Dean is what?"

Ryan looked down, trying to think of what to say before she blurted out softly, "He's mine." She looked up at Andy with wide eyes.

Andy squinted at her. "I couldn't hear you, Ryan. What did you say?"

Something in her snapped. "He's MINE! I HAD HIM FIRST AND I WANT HIM BACK, DAMMIT!" She blinked in surprise at her outburst. She took another calming breath. "Sorry. That's not how I meant for that to come out. I'm not trying to sound crazy…"

Sam was a bit wide-eyed as he shot her a look. "Sorry, sis. That ship sailed."

Dean nodded his head in agreement. "Yep. Cat's outta the bag on that one."

Andy didn't get angry, but she did get defensive, which, Ryan figured she probably had coming. "You know what? You've got a LOT of nerve, Ryan. All the time you and Sam have spent together, DO spend together…I've never said a word. Not ONCE. If you ask me, Dean's not the only jealously possessive one here."

"Hey!"

Andy held up a finger and told him, "Wait until I'm finished." She looked back at Ryan. "You think you've got exclusive rights to BOTH of them! Are you really so insecure that the only person you feel comfortable Dean spending his time with, other than you, is Sam?!"

Ryan opened her mouth and Andy shouted, "I'M NOT FINISHED!" She moved into Ryan's space and pointed a finger at her. "You know, a few months ago, you were wringing your hands about whether or not we'd get along, NOW you're wringing your hands because we DO. Pick. A. DAMN. Struggle!"

Ryan's fists clenched at her sides. "I'm about to."

"Bring it, cupcake."

"You better get outta my face, Blackwell."

"It's fucking Winchester, bitch!" she shouted as her fist flew.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He stood there, transfixed when Andy threw the first punch. But when Ryan let out some sort of battle cry and hit back, then they started trading damn blows then and there, he was stumped. "What the hell?"

"I…I don't know," Sam began.

"No, seriously, dude. What the hell?"

"I don't KNOW, Dean!"

Dean watched them a moment before he smiled. "You know, out of all the shit I've done with women…I can truthfully say, this is the first time I've been fought over."

"Me too," Sam stated, his voice sounding awestruck. "So…what should we do?"

Dean swallowed as the two women continued fighting. This was going to be a damn epic battle. Like, Godzilla and Mothra level. And it was sexy as fuck. Between the insults being slung and the fists flying, both their women were going to be hella sore when they finished.

"Dean. Dean!"

He blinked and turned his attention to his brother. "What?"

Sam sighed. "Shouldn't we step in?"

Dean contemplated that a moment. "Well, let's face it, they're chick versions of us, right?"

"Yeah."

Dean smirked. "So? How do we usually fight?"

Sam watched the two women destroying each other and he sighed. "I'll go get ice for their wounds. Can you watch them and make sure they don't actually kill each other?"

Dean stared at the girls a moment more before he nodded. "Bring back some popcorn."

Sam just rolled his eyes, shook his head, and sighed as he turned toward the kitchen.

By the time the fight petered out, both the women were bruised and bloodied. Andy had a split lip and was sporting a shiner. Ryan had a cut above her eye and a matching one on her cheek. The marquis diamond Sam had bought Andy was a weapon on Andy's hand when she punched somebody with it. Dean should know. He'd been on the receiving end of one of her blows. Sam looked at Dean and shrugged as the two women dropped down next to each other on the floor, panting.

"You done now?" he asked them. Personally, Dean thought he was an idiot for getting that close, but then he handed them both bottles of water and ice packs, so he assumed it was finished.

"Yeah, we're done," Andy stated begrudgingly.

Ryan smiled and let out a flat chuckle. Then she started belly laughing. Andy looked at her in concern a moment before she, too, began laughing. Sam and Dean exchanged concerned looks as the women hugged and continued laughing. Finally, when they'd calmed down, Ryan said, "I haven't felt this good in years. Sorry, Andy. You know I love ya, and I wouldn't trust my husband with anyone but you."

"Hell, Ryan, I've been meaning to kick your ass for some time now. Feeling's mutual. Sammy's yours when he's not mine."

"Same goes with Dean."

"So, we good?"

Ryan groaned. "Yeah. We're good."

"And the hunt?"

"You know I'll handle it."

"Yes. Thanks, Ryan."

"But this goes sideways, your privileges are revoked, got it?"

Andy nodded. "I got it." She stood and let out a groan. "Fuck. I'm too old for this shit."

"Bite my ass, bitch. You're younger than I am."

Andy laughed and held out a hand for Ryan, who took it. Once both were standing, they hugged it out a moment before Ryan sighed. "Go on. Get your gear."

Andy smirked. "Come on, Wyatt! Let's hunt!"

Dean's brows furrowed. "Huh?"

Ryan walked over to him. She was bruised. And bloody. And, damn, was he turned on as all fuck. "Go on. You and Andy hunt."

"What?!" Sam exclaimed.

Ryan grabbed Dean's face in one hand. "Go hunt with her. For now. I trust her. I trust you. Hopefully the two of you won't make any stupid decisions, but, well, hell, I'm not deluded enough to believe it. Don't do anything too stupid, alright?"

"You sure?"

"Damn it, Dean!" Andy shouted. "Move your ass, princess!"

Ryan nodded. "I'm positive. I'll handle Sam. Go on."

He pecked her lips. "You're the most awesome creature in existence."

She smiled. "I know. It's a gift."

He glanced at Andy. "Come on, Doc. Let's go get some gear packed. I got a Porterhouse in the fridge for that eye."

"You kidding? This shit was worth the price of admission. You handle the interviews though, alright?"

"Yeah. Right. People see all five feet, two inches of your bad ass, bruises and cuts and all? They're gonna spill their guts."

She smiled then winced as her lip tore a bit more. "Yeah, good point. Let's roll."

As Dean walked with Andy toward the garage, he heard Sam ask, "You sure you know what you're doing, Ryan?"

"Aw, hell, Sam, let them have fun. They won't go getting themselves killed. In trouble, yes. Killed? No. Because they know we'd bring them back just to kill them again. They'll be fine."

Dean glanced down at the scary little woman walking next to him and smiled. Yeah, he'd chosen well when he decided to accept Andy as his sister and friend.

* * *

Two nights later, they rolled back into town. The vamps were devoid of their heads, he and Andy were none the worse for wear, and Jody's town was once more locked down safe and secure. As they drove through Lebanon, Dean thought how good a damn beer would be about now. "What ya say? Hit Brothers for a nightcap?"

Andy thought a moment. "Why not? Just one though. I'd like to make it back home to Sam in the near future."

"I agree."

"Well…maybe two."

Dean smiled. "Come on, ya booze hound, let's get your drink on."

* * *

**Ryan POV **

"You think need to go check on them?" Sam asked of the teens currently fighting it out in the gym room.

Ryan huffed out a breath as she thought about her daughter, the angel, and the half-demon she was arguing with. "I guess so."

"You think they realize they're the closest thing to soul mates you can get when one is half a demon and the other doesn't have a soul?"

She smiled at that. She wasn't surprised Sam had picked up on it. "I think they're both too young to see it. But, they are, aren't they?"

He nodded. "Yeah. But with those powers…this could be dangerous."

She shot him a look. "Last time I checked, 'dangerous' was kind of our motto around here."

"Can a motto be one word?"

She forwent the look and shot him a bitchface instead. He chuckled. "Shutting up now."

"You heard from Andy?"

He nodded. "They got the monsters a little while ago. She said Dean was driving so he wasn't going to text."

"Smart man."

"You weren't worried, were you?"

"About them killing the monsters? No."

"I'll be glad when they're home."

She would be, too, but this hunt was on her, her and the stupid fight she'd gotten into with Andy. They had deserved to go out after that. "You didn't mind did you?" At his confused look, she continued. "Well…I mean, I kind of usurped you and sent them off and usually we talk about this kind of thing and…"

"Ryan, it's fine. Trust me. The two of them will be fine. They are fine. Why are you worried now, when they're on their way home?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just…" She sighed. Life was going too good, that's what it was. Her life had been one long ass roller coaster ride and she'd been climbing to the top for a long time now. It was about time the ground fell out from under her feet.

"Ryan." She hadn't realized Sam had stood up and walked over to her until she felt his hands on her arms. "Look, seriously, don't do that. Not now."

"I can't…" She tried to take a breath, but all of a sudden, she felt it, the panic attack building. She hadn't had one in forever, so it was a shock when her body started shaking.

"Okay, okay, I got ya," he said. She felt him leading her to a chair and helping her sit down. She felt his hands rubbing her arms and he gently put her head down between her knees, urging her to breathe until finally, she felt some of the calm returning and her heart rate go back down. She lifted her head and looked into his concerned hazel eyes. "Better?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "How many times you gonna help me through a panic attack?"

He smiled. "It's kind of my job, Ryan. Honorary brother and all…"

She blinked and shook her head. "I don't…I don't know where that came from."

"Sometimes it just happens, Ryan. It's fine. That's what I'm here for."

She reached out and hugged him. "Thank you," she whispered.

He patted her back and then pulled away. "So, you good?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah. Lock it up, right?"

He shook his head. "No. You need a few more minutes, you know I will never have a problem with that. We're the crazy ones, right?"

She laughed at that. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You want to go check on the kids or you want me to?"

"I'll do it. Thanks, Sam. Really." She stood and when she thankfully didn't sway, she walked down the hall. It was quiet now, too quiet. She walked down the hall slowly and that's when she heard the two talking. She smiled, thankful they were using their words, but when she heard what they were saying, she stopped dead.

"So…what? We're…dating?" she heard Jesse ask.

"Yes?" Hope answered in way of question. "None of those skanks at school better not have their hands on you."

"Only if you quit with the douchebags."

"Me?"

"Gideon. Leo. Mark. Chris. How many others?"

"They were a means to an end," she murmured.

Ryan knew she probably didn't need to be listening to this, but she couldn't stop herself. It wasn't every day your first born found the love of their existence and acted on it.

Jesse's voice was so soft, she almost didn't hear as he asked, "Did they…were they…"

"This. This is as far as they've gone. I haven't…I knew I couldn't…I wasn't ready for that, okay? I'm not enough like him, like Ben for that. Not yet."

Ryan heard him blow out a breath and she joined him. Finding out your child still held on to their virginity was enough to make any mother breathe a sigh of relief.

"Okay. Good. I mean, not that I cared, but…" He trailed off.

Hope was quiet a moment before she whispered, "So, you either, huh?"

"Timing wasn't right. I want it to be with someone I love. And if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. I mean, I'm normal enough, I think, I just…"

Ryan swallowed hard as she heard the definite sounds of kissing. She gave them a few moments before she knew she needed to make her presence known. She walked to the end of the hall and flickered the lights a few times. She started walking down the hall once more and heard Hope giggle.

Ryan propped herself against the doorjamb. "Are you two done?"

Jesse was alone in the room. His face turned bright red at being caught. "Ryan…"

She held up a hand. "The writing was on the wall for this one, sugar. It's fine."

"But she's…I'm…"

Ryan smiled. "Young and in love?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" His eyes widened. "What do you know? What did you hear?"

"Enough," she told him with a wink. She couldn't be more thrilled about this latest development. She knew Hope had a finite time on earth. To find someone to love while she was here? It was everything she could want for her daughter. "It's fine. Same rules go as for Ben, okay? You two have to continue with your schoolwork, I'll keep a close eye on how much time you spend together, and…I won't tell Dean. Not yet."

"You won't?"

She closed one eye in thought a moment. She hadn't meant to say it, but at the same time, she knew it needed saying. Dean definitely didn't need to know about this. Not yet. She had noticed him warming up to Jesse, but there was something about Jess that rubbed her husband the wrong way. She didn't think it was the fact the kid was part demon. As a matter of fact, she was fairly certain it was because Dean could sense the fact Hope was into Jesse as more than just an adopted brother. "This between you two? It's so new. And he's…he doesn't know how to be a father to a daughter. Not a teenage one. I know you're a good guy, Jess. You'll do right by her. But I'm not naïve, either. The two of you have to be careful, alright? And while I won't tell him the two of you are together, you still need to be cautious."

"Why?"

She told him the truth. "Because he doesn't know how to be a father to her, he may damage what they have if he reacts badly to this. I'll condition him, but don't flaunt it, either, okay? It's nothing personal. No one is going to be good enough for her. Remember that, and you'll be fine. But, ah, a word to the wise? Start making a tad more effort to show him you are good enough, alright?"

"But, I'm not, am I?"

What would it take for him to realize how good he really was? She crossed to him and hugged him. "You're a great guy, Jesse. I wouldn't give you my blessing if I thought you would hurt her. Truthfully, I'm much more worried about her hurting you."

"Me? How?"

She chose her words carefully. "Winchesters are awesome creatures, Jesse. They love unconditionally, but they're notoriously self-sacrificing. It's not out of the realm of possibility for her to do something stupid for someone she loves. And that can lead to disaster for the people that love them. Just…remember, they tend to lead with their hearts, not their heads."

He nodded. "Okay."

She smiled. "But go have fun. Forget the angel and demon crap. Enjoy this. Carefully. Cautiously. Because I'm still watching. And I'll bust both of your heads if you hurt one another."

He chuckled. "Yes ma'am."

"Go on. I'll drive home. Poof yourself back there."

He was insulted. "I'm a demon. We don't 'poof' anywhere."

Her eyebrow rose. "Then what do you call it?"

"I…"

She grinned. "Exactly. "Poof home, boy."

He was about to go, when he stopped. "You may want to hurry. I might have left Ben and Krissy in a…let's say odd position."

Her eyebrow rose and he rubbed his neck. "I, uh, may have left them in a Wolverine and Cat Woman suit to settle their shit."

She crossed her arms at him again. Did she even want to know?

He sighed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm about 0 and 2 tonight. I'll fix it."

She shook her head. "Those two…I don't know what to say about them."

"The writing is on the wall with them, too, isn't it?"

She smiled at that. "Winchesters love. And they love fiercely. Ben is one, whether he takes the name or not."

He winced. "I'll head back now, see what kind of damage is going on. Hopefully not too bad…"

"My kids are asleep in that house, Jesse Turner," she stated in way of warning. "You go check them. Personally."

He nodded. "Yes ma'am," he murmured as he winked out of sight.

She blew out a breath. "Fabulous," she muttered. Keeping secrets didn't do anyone any good, but in that same token, she knew she couldn't tell Dean this. Not yet. He's shit kittens. She walked back into the war room and dropped into a chair.

"They okay?" Sam asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. They both went home."

"Powers and hormones are a bad combo."

Ryan snorted. "No kidding." Her eyes widened. "Did you…?"

He smiled. "I may have walked down the hall to check on you."

She groaned.

"For what it's worth? I think not telling Dean is a good idea. For now. You know how the princess blows everything out of proportion."

She groaned again.

"Don't tell him for now. I won't either. I promise."

"Thanks, Sam."

He stood. "You think we should go home now?"

"Yeah, after a minute. I want to check one more thing," she stated as she looked at her laptop once more. "I think this is a vetala in Daytona."

Sam pondered a moment. "Florida?"

She nodded.

"Truck stops? Interstates? Yeah, it would be good hunting grounds."

"What you got?"

He sat once more as well. "Werewolf in Idaho. I'm going to put Garth's people on it."

She yawned and nodded. "Sounds good."

They worked in silence a few minutes more before Sam's phone rang. Ryan happened to be closer to it and snatched it up. "Sammy! Your girl is fucking AWESOME!"

Ryan blinked. "Dean?!" He sounded about three sheets to the wind. "My god, how much did you drink? Honestly, I didn't think you were physically capable of getting drunk anymore! Where are you?"

Dean was laughing hysterically and apparently dropped the phone because Andy picked it up. "Ryan? HEY GIRL! Thanks for letting us do this. Really. Deano is…" Ryan overheard her ask Dean, "Deano, that's better than Deanie, right?"

"Much!" Dean yelled back.

"Kay. So, anyway, Ry, you should have SEEN him! I've never seen a knife used that way." She laughed. "Bastard's gonna feel that in the morning."

"How can he?!" Dean shouted. "Dude's missing his head!"

"Ah, yeah," Andy added. "Good point, Deano! Good point! Anyway, your dude is kick ass. And I'm kick ass. And it's all good."

Ryan had, during the exchange, put the phone on speaker so Sam could listen in. "Andy? ANDY!" Sam yelled. "ANDREA!"

"Man, Chill!" Dean stated as he got back on the line gain. "Are you allergic to fun or something?" He cleared his throat. His tone was half serious as he said, "Dude, seriously, I, I promise…we'll come home straight, k? I'll watch out for her. She'll watch out for me…"

"THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF!" Sam roared.

"What exactly do you think we're gonna do? Start a bar fight or something?" They heard him whisper to Andy, "You know, that's not a half bad idea…"

Dean must have sat the phone down because Ryan heard, "Andy, see those two noobs over there? Playing pool? On your left. No! Your other left! Think they've ever been hustled before?"

"Who gives a shit, right?" Andy answered. "HEY! Pal! Care to make the game a little more interesting?"

Sam and Ryan exchanged a look when they heard Dean giggling and murmur, "Alright. Let's do this."

They continued to stare at one another as they heard distant talking, the clacking of pool balls, and the usual bar sounds for a minute or two. Ryan could almost _see _Andy's play. She was tiny, yes, but she had an arm on her. And that arm could sink about eight balls with one break. Oddly enough, she was even better when she was drunk. Ryan put her head in her hand but continued to watch the phone with rapt attention.

That was when they heard Dean; "Listen, jackass, no one twisted your arm here. You shouldn'ta made the bet…WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!"

Ryan's eyes widened as they cut to Sam's as Andy's voice shouted, "Don't let him talk to ya that way, Deano! Yeah, as a matter of fact, my bark IS worse than my bite!" The sound of glass breaking led Ryan to assume Andy had just broken a beer bottle. "Why? You feeling froggy, asshat?!"

That was when Ryan heard Dean's deep timbre, "You take another step toward her, I'll shove this pool stick up your ass."

Ryan picked up the phone as she stood. Sam grabbed his jacket, and they raced out into the night. This shit was going down. Now. "Where are they?"

Sam checked the GPS on his phone. Ryan didn't even want to know how he found them so quick. "They came home. They're at Brother's."

Ryan let out a growl as she tossed the keys to Sam and he tore ass out into the night.

By the time they got there, the fight was in full swing. Luckily, both she and Sam were well versed in ending bar fights. You couldn't go hunting with Tory and Andy and not get into a few. Usually it involved barflies and their skanks, but none the less. Gina, too, had stepped in, with the help of her baseball bat she had lovingly named after Negan's from The Walking Dead. Luckily it was devoid of barbed wire. But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Sorry I had to take him out," Gina started as she led Ryan over to Dean where he was currently nursing a beer with an icepack to his head.

Ryan pulled a wad of cash out of her pocket and started shoving it Gina's way. It was some money she kept in the glove compartment of the Falcon for emergencies. "God, Gina, I'm so damn sorry. This should cover the broken pool table. And the bottles of booze. And the…how the hell did someone actually break a toilet?"

Gina held up a hand. "It's my own damn fault. I knew I should have called you when they walked in with fire in their eyes and itching for a fight. They twins or something? They sure do act alike."

Ryan hung her head and sighed. "I KNOW. And, yeah, they might as well be. Sam and I are still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or not."

"Can I be honest?" Gina asked. Ryan nodded. "The two guys they were mixing it up with? They've been trying to cause trouble since they first showed up about a month ago. Guess they finally met their match. They'll never show up here again, thanks to Thing One and Thing Two. So after you're done tearing them a new one? Tell 'em thanks from me. Sober them up, bring them by for a burger. On the house. And quit apologizing. I got one just like him," she stated as she gestured her head toward Dean, who was now groaning lightly. "We are GOOD."

She glanced over at Sam, who was berating Andy. Obviously there was still fight in her blood, because she wasn't listening to a damn word he was saying. Finally, Ryan supposed he'd had enough of it and hauled her over his shoulder, again. She was struggling and screaming, "Put me DOWN!" She threw her own beer bottle at the door. "Let that dickbag say that to my face! I'll split his head open! See if he's smirking THEN!"

Ryan turned to see Dean stand, laughing. "That's it, Doc! Tell that little shit!"

She closed her eyes and groaned as she heard Sam stomp toward his brother. "Never again, you hear me? NEVER!"

Ryan looked up as Andy tried to look up over Sam's shoulder. "C'mon, babe! Not fair!"

"Shut up!" he yelled.

"Look, man," Dean began in obvious way of explanation, "She started it, okay? I was handling it."

"He's right, Sammy. This one's on meeee…" Andy whined.

"Really, Dean?" Sam began, sarcasm all but dripping from his voice and the bitchface out in full force. He ignored Andy, who was still draped across his shoulder, as he invaded his brother's personal space. "How exactly were you 'handling' it?! What? Just gonna wait until 5-0 showed and call us from a cell?! Dammit, I TRUSTED you with her!" He turned on his heel and walked out into the night. Ryan opened her mouth to say something to Dean, but he marched out after his brother.

Ryan sighed, left the stack of cash on the bar, and walked out after them. Andy must have managed to talk Sam into putting her down, because she saw the smaller woman slap Sam's face. "You, sir, are a TOTAL buzzkill!" She stumbled to the Falcon and collapsed into the passenger seat.

Ryan saw the fight brewing between the brothers. She'd been privy to enough of them. She stepped in between them and got in Dean's space. This thing got so out of proportion, it needed to be handled before they thought this was something they could just do on a damn whim. "You are in for the biggest ass-chewing of your life, buddy."

"Me? Why?"

She held her arms out. "Look at what you two did! You did exactly what Sam and I were worried about."

"We were FINE, Ryan! God! Don't be such a damn MOM!"

Her mouth fell open. "MOM? You're thinking I'm acting like a MOM?! Just wait until I ground YOUR ass, and then you'll know EXACTLY what it feels like!"

He leaned back, crossed his arms, set his jaw, and murmured, "BRING. IT."

A half smile graced her lips. "Oh no," she told him with a head shake. "I know better. I talk to you now? It goes in one ear, out the other, without the pleasure of it even stopping in your memory banks. Nah-uh. I'm biding my time. Until morning. When you're good and hung over."

His confidence seemed to falter a bit as he turned and walked toward the Impala. "FYI, you're not the only one with a PH.D in torture, asshole!" she shouted after him.

She sighed and glanced up at Sam. "Well? What are we going to do, Sam? I'm legit clueless."

"Let's just…let's get them home. We'll deal with it in the morning. They can't hunt alone together again, that's for damn sure."

She hated it, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She knew the two were good for each other. It was the booze that was the problem. But he was right. "No shit, Sherlock."

"Fuck you, Watson. I don't see you coming up with any brilliant ideas."

"Oh yeah? Fine! You're so smart, you tell me. How do you tell the two most pig-headed people on the fucking planet they CAN'T do something?! Dean tried telling ME what to and we all know how THAT turned out!"

Sam blew out a breath. "To tell you the truth, I'm more scared of Andy than Dean."

"Exactly my point! Like trying to baptize a cat, Sammy. Only this time, she's got her guard dog backing her up."

Sam shrugged, then his eyes widened. "Give them sex…feed them…"

"Get in their good graces, make our case?" Ryan finished. They shared a fist bump. "Call me later?"

"Yeah, after I get the wildcat in bed."

She snorted. "You start singing from High School Musical? I'm forgetting I know you."

"Fuck off, Ryan."

She winked at him then walked to the Impala. She went to the driver's seat and slid in. She chanced a glance at her husband. "You alive over there, Deano?"

He let out a groan. "My head hurts."

"That's what happens when you act like a douchebag."

"Was Gina ever a softball player? Because she's got one hell of an arm on her. I think she split my skull in two."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "I didn't know you turned into a whining bitch when you get drunk."

His eyes widened as he looked at her before he smiled. "Okay. That's fair."

She rolled her eyes and drove them home. She parked the car in the driveway and walked around to his side of the car. "You okay to walk, or you need help, Tonto?"

"Shut up, I'm fine," he growled as he stood. And weaved.

She sighed and slipped her body under his arm. "Okay, let's go. One foot in front of the other." She walked him up the steps to the door where it was snatched open.

"Fuck you, Ben! Fuck you!" Krissy yelled as she tore ass past them to her jeep.

Ryan glanced toward the vehicle only seconds before Hope tore out after her, muttering under her breath. Ryan let out a groan and Dean muttered. "Rys? Am I still drunk, or did Krissy run outta here wearing a Cat Woman suit?"

She sighed. "You're still drunk. And Krissy ran out of here wearing a Cat Woman suit." She glanced around and saw Ben dressed as Wolverine. She held up a hand as he began talking. "Silence. I don't want to deal with you tonight. I've got enough on my plate. I'll handle you four in the morning." She narrowed her eyes at Jesse. "Fixed it, did you?"

He shrugged bashfully. She rolled her eyes for the millionth time that evening and helped Dean up the stairs.

"I love you, Ryan. Have I told you lately? I really, reeeeeeallllly do…"

Her eyebrows shot up as she leaned back just slightly so she didn't get a contact high from the alcohol on his breath. "My god, Dean, exactly HOW much did you have to drink tonight?!"

He giggled as they broached their bedroom door. "Me and Do came up with a new motto tonight." He took a step back, stood straight and put his right hand over his heart, stumbled, then finally recited in a slurred voice, "Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you'll need. Better safe than sober." He doubled over in laughter then.

Ryan groaned as she moved to him and made him sit on the bed. "Come on, you raging alkie."

"Peaches, I resemble that remark."

She pulled off one of his boots. "Damn straight you do," she deadpanned.

"I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I'm…a drunk. We go to parties," he managed before erupting into laughter again. He must have caught the expression on Ryan's face before he muttered, "Would it kill you to loosen up a little? Buzzkill." He pulled his phone from his pocket.

"Who are you calling?"

"Doc," he replied with a pout. "SHE likes me, drunk or not!"

"Oh, I'm sure she does, the damn enabler," Ryan seethed as she snatched the phone and stuck it in her back pocket.

"Hey!"

"Don't worry, I'm sure Sam is killing her buzz as we speak." She continued taking his boots and socks off. "And in the morning? Me and 'Doc' are gonna have a little chat." She was pissed. She and Andy just hashed this shit out, didn't they? Her damn face still hurt from their fight, and this is how Andy repaid her? By getting Dean so damn lit he couldn't even walk?! Oh, yeah, she would be punching her supposed best friend in the face again for this one. "And furthermore," she spat, "Do you really wanna saddle yourself with a label like 'drunk'? I've seen those guys, Dean. You don't want to be them! You don't want your CHILDREN being ashamed of their dad, the DRUNK."

He groaned and fell back onto the bed. "Come on! It's all in good fun, babe! Man, you really are a buzzkill."

"Damn straight I am! You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves! You're fucking GROWN UPS for Christ's sake!"

"You're just sore she kicked your ass."

Her jaw set. "The ass kicking was mutual and you and Sam should both be ashamed of yourselves for taking bets on us in the first place."

He looked up at her and smirked. "That shit was better than any boxing match on pay per view, lemme tell ya."

She just put her head in her hands and sighed. It was going to be a long damn night.

* * *

**Sam POV**

Sam, on the other hand, was trying to make his inebriated wife understand why what she and Dean did was wrong. It wasn't working out quite like he'd hoped…he'd been attempting to talk some sense into her for the better part of an hour. The whole drive home, and to the point they were finally at in their living room. "THIS is why I didn't want you and Dean going on a hunt together! I KNEW something like this would happen. I hope you're proud of yourself, Andrea. You and Dean made real asses of yourselves tonight."

Andy stood from the couch, blinked lazily, then scowled as she finally remarked, "You done, DAD?! Honestly. Do you EVER come up for air once you get going? Your gums are flapping, but all I hear is," She made a puppet out of her hand. "Blah. Blah. BLAH."

He pressed his lips together. "Nice. Very adult of you."

"Oh, SCREW adult!" Andy yelled as she stumbled toward him. A slow smile appeared on her face as she ran a finger up and down his chest. "We are adults, I'll give ya that. And you know what that means? It means I could knock your ass to the ground, fuck your brains out all damn night long and nothing could stop us. We're grown ups, yeah, but we ain't responsible for anyone, yet, but us! Let's live a little, Sam!" He crossed his arms and shot her a disapproving glare.

She sighed and pointed a wavy finger. "Y'know what y'need? Scotch." She nodded. "Scotch'll do the trick. That'll get ya all nice and relaxed. Then me and you goin' get freaky." She headed toward the door. "I'mma see if Wyatt's carrying. He'll help me remove that stick from your ass. Not literally, cuz, ew, but figuratively, ya know?"

"Like hell," Sam countered as he threw her over his shoulder once more and headed toward their bedroom. "Time to sleep it off."

"What? NOOOO! I don't wanna!" She hung her head and whined. "Why don't you go and bore someone else?" When Sam remained silent as he walked them up the stairs to their room, she added, "Everybody's getting all bent outta shape 'cause me and Wyatt let out hair down. Bunch funless do-gooders…"

Sam laid her on the bed, then turned to walk out of the room. He stopped and turned, though, when he heard, "Wyatt doesn't mind me this way…why do you?"

His jaw set as he turned back toward her. "Because 'Wyatt' doesn't have the luxury of coming home to THIS," he remarked sarcastically with a gesture toward her. "But believe me, he's gonna get a fucking EARFUL come morning."

She struggled to a sitting position and just looked at him. "Why, Sam?! Why you wanna change me so bad, huh? Don't you get it?! I'm not HER!"

That took him back a step and he blinked. "Who?"

"PICK ONE! I'm not Jess! I'm not Amelia! I'm not RYAN! You picked ME, Sam! This is who I am! SO if I'm not what you need, for the love of GOD just say it!"

His mouth fell open before he snapped it shut and drove a breath out of his nose. "You think I give TWO SHITS if you're drunk, Andy?! You think I care that you and Dean make asses of yourselves? Hell, go out on a TEAR if you want! But be fucking SAFE about it! Because if you got killed I couldn't…" He stopped as he got chocked up. "I couldn't, okay? I love you. So fucking much."

She covered her face with her hands and started crying. Sam couldn't help the eye roll at her high pitched howl. "Iloveyoutooooooo…"

He sighed, sat down on the bed, and wrapped an arm around his nuttier than a fruitcake wife. "Try to get some sleep," he suggested in a soothing tone as he laid her back and pulled the covers over her. "We can talk in the morning, alright?"

She nodded and a sweet smile graced her features as he smoothed her hair. She drifted off almost immediately.

His face turned to stone as he left the room and dialed Ryan's number. He pressed the phone to his ear and waited for her to answer. When he heard the line open, he didn't wait for her to say anything as he ground out, "Ryan? Tell your husband, his ass? It's MINE."

"Uh, excuse me, bitch?! Are you shitting me? Your wife is about to get ANOTHER beat down from me!" came her vicious retort.

"Your husband has brainwashed her! Now she's going on about not being good enough for me and I'm not fun enough and how she'd prefer to hang out with him. And THEN she goes on comparing herself to Jess and Am-"

"YEAH!?" she interrupted. "Well, Dean informed me how his enabler likes him drunk off his ass and how I'm a fucking buzzkill!"

Sam blew a breath out of his nose. "Okay. Wait. We have to be better than them. Smart than them. We can't stoop to their levels of asshattery." The other end of the line was silent. "Ryan?"

"Yeah. Alright. I guess. But, Jesus, Sam, this is some serious shit. I don't wanna keep them away from each other. Hell, they are like two sides to the same damn coin or duplicate coin or something. But I'm…" she sighed. "How should we play this?"

"Threats won't work. They'll dig themselves in like ticks if we do."

"WHAT THEN!?" she cried.

A slow smile spread across his face. It was evil. And it would hurt all of them. But in the end, the message would get across. Ryan, obviously hearing the wheels turning in his head, asked, "Sam, what are you cooking up?"

"It's, God, it's playing dirty, Ryan. But this IS Dean and Andy we're talking about." He sighed. "Ryan, we gotta hit them where it hurts."

She gasped. "You don't mean…"

"'Fraid so, sis," he stated glumly.

"Christ, Sam, that's hitting ME where it hurts! Sex is at the top of the list of Dean's damn skill set!"

He sighed. "Not that I needed to hear that, but I feel you. Believe me, I do. But…"

"Stubborn fuckers won't balk at anything else," Ryan finished.

"Exactly."

She was quiet a moment. "I don't know, Sam. I mean, it seems wrong…controlling Dean with sex."

"Don't think of it that way. Think of it as…manipulating the situation to your favor."

"How is that not…"

"Fine," he ground out. "You thought of something better, have you? Please, share with the class."

"No need to get snarky, Sam."

He sighed. "Look, how many repeats of tonight can YOU take? Frankly, I'm one bad decision away from giving my two weeks' notice and heading to all points nowhere."

He waited a moment and then he heard Ryan giggle. "Ryan?" His eyes widened as she let out a shriek, followed by sounds of a struggle. "RYAN!?"

That was when he heard Dean's voice singing, "I wanna run through your wicked garden, heard that's the place to find ya…"

Ryan laughed throatily, then was breathless as she came back to the phone. "Sorry, Sam…I was…you still there?"

He scowled. "God, don't tell me…"

"Sorry, Sammy. He brought out STP. And this man knows what Stone Temple Pilots does to me. All bets are off until tomorrow."

"Way to be a damn rock, Ryan!"

"I…oh, God, Dean, stop, honey. For the love of…" she panted out a breath. "Fuck, give me five seconds, sugar, to finish my conversation…"

"You know you want this, baby," Dean purred and Sam's lip curled.

"Ryan!" he shouted into the phone once more.

"Sorry," she muttered as she came back on the line. "But if this is going to be our play, then I'll be damned if I let your brother have anything but his way tonight. Alcohol renders him brainless, I'll give you that, but it also makes him an absolute BEAST in the-"

Sam punched the "END" button on his phone so fast, he was afraid he cracked the screen. "No, just…NO."

That was when he heard Andy from their bedroom. "Sam? Sammmmmyyyy…I'm taking off my clothes. Would you come help me?"

He clenched his phone so hard he felt sure he dented the damn thing as he walked back into their room. He swallowed hard as he took her in. She was down to nothing but her underwear and a smile. "Well? What'cha say, baby?" she purred.

"Fuck it," he muttered as he moved to the bed.

She let out a giggle as he pounced.

* * *

**Dean POV **

Consciousness came. Complete with the headache from hell, the mouth that tasted like ass, and the full body aches. He groaned as he realized he was at home. On his bed. He felt like shit. _Mental note; kill Doc. Then coffee. So much coffee. _He groaned again. _I think that's your liver screaming at you, dickwad, _he thought.

He blinked in the bright sunlight and turned to Ryan's side of the bed. She was sitting there, reading. Wearing…hell, was that some new lingerie? "Uh…morning, babe."

She smiled over at him. "Good morning, sugar. Need some aspirin? Water? Anything?"

"Uh…yeah. Sure."

She gave a little nod, stood, and he watched her walk to the bathroom. Under that sheer baby doll number, he noticed she was wearing a thong. Ryan hated thongs. Something was definitely up. Only he was still too hungover to figure out what.

She returned and sat next to him, still smiling, almost eerily, as she handed him the drugs and glass of water. "Why don't you take a shower? Get the smell of the booze and sex off you. I'll be waiting," she purred with a wink.

His eyes narrowed as he tried to figure her game. "Okay. Am I dead again? Or still drunk? What happened to the screaming? The yelling? The telling my ass off for being a dumbass? None of that? Really?"

She shrugged. "I figured there was no point arguing about it. You're going to do whatever the hell you want, anyway. Then you'll get yourself killed. I just figured I'd enjoy the sex as much as I can until you die."

Dean chuckled flatly. "You really think that's gonna work? We both know I ain't dying, not anytime soon, so…"

"Fine then," she bit out as she stood and straddled one of his legs. She grabbed his hair and pulled his head back. She bit his neck, then breathed into his year, "Wonder which will kill you first? The job?" She glared at him as she grabbed his hand and shoved it down the front of her panties. "Or knowing that you will never, EVER get another whiff of this if you try pulling a stunt like that again?"

His mouth fell open. He was, for once in his life, speechless.

She smirked. "Take your time. You look like you've got a lot of thinking to do. I bribed Tory to take the littles to her house. The older kids are in school. If you need me? I'll be at the bunker."

He watched her turn on her heel and walk out of the room. He blinked once, twice, then muttered to himself, "I am so screwed."

He showered. He dressed. He walked downstairs to find the house completely empty, but God love her, Ryan had left the coffee pot going for him. He poured his big ass Batman mug full of coffee and rummaged around for food. That was when he heard the door open. He didn't even have to turn around. He knew who it was. "Tell me I'm not the only one cock blocked."

"Cunt blocked, more like, and yes. And the worst part? I don't remember half of doing it last night!"

Dean couldn't remember much of last night, either. He remembered hands, lips, a blur of bodies and motion, but the rest was absent from his memory banks. It was damn sad, that's what it was. He poured her a cup of coffee in her Black Widow mug the kids bought her to keep there and handed it to her. "Same here."

Andy sighed as she took the cup. "Just think about it, Dean. You know how much you like sex, right?"

He nodded. It came in even before hunting. And he thoroughly enjoyed ridding a damn vamp of its head.

"You know how good it feels when you finally blow your load?"

He was still drunk enough to smile and get that far-off feeling. "Yeah…" he breathed. He could use a little bit more of that at the moment, actually.

"Well, imagine that over and over in one session and you've got what I'm facing here."

He let out a low whistle. "Damn. I'm so sorry."

"Nah, not your fault. It takes two to fuck up this brilliantly, Deano."

"So…now what?"

She grimaced. "So now we suck it up and be grown ups?"

He shot her a look. "And exactly what is the fun in that?"

She shrugged. "True. But at least we'll be getting laid."

He didn't have a comeback for that. They both sat and stared at one another for a few minutes. "I may agree with the fact we didn't behave like we should last night, but, Andy, I'll be damned if I roll over for them like the damn dog."

She looked at the dog in question who was currently sleeping in a patch of sunlight on the linoleum floor. Canis had become a part of the family. Everyone loved him. Even Ryan. "I don't know. Dogs have it pretty damn good. Food whenever you whine, belly rubs, doing whatever the fuck you want, when you want…"

"We had his balls cut off."

She snorted. "Well, hell, Ryan's got yours in a vice, as-is. Not seeing a downside at the mo, bro."

He sighed. "We can't let them know they won."

Her eyebrow rose. "We ever have sex with them again, the damn ship sailed, dude."

He growled.

"Face facts, Dean. We got outplayed on this one. And truthfully? We deserve it."

He sighed again as his head fell back. "Fine," he exclaimed. He brought his head back up to look at her. "But they try to keep us apart…"

She smiled. "I don't think they mind us spending time together. It's the booze they have issues with."

He looked at her. He really did enjoy spending time with her. They liked all the same movies and games and shit, and she was a good hunting buddy. The things she could do with a knife, well, it was like watching art. "So, no booze?"

"You and I both know we can't say that."

"Fine. Less booze?"

She seemed to roll that one around in her head. "Better."

"So, we got a plan?"

"Yeah. They at the bunker?"

He nodded. "Probably."

She sighed. "Fine. Let's do it."

When they walked into the bunker about twenty minutes later, it was with a peace offering. They had needed breakfast, and Dean knew Ryan liked those fancy coffees from the coffee shop that opened up the month before. And Sam liked those green tea whatevers, so they got their spouses stuff that would make them happy. Well, happier, in any case. He and Andy walked into the bunker, and when both their significant others ignored their entrance, shared a look.

Andy cleared her throat. "So, uh, we're dumbasses."

Sam snorted, but remained silent.

"We weren't using our brains for good last night," Dean tacked on. When Sam and Ryan still ignored them, Dean shouted, "COME ON! We get it, okay?"

Ryan lifted her head to look at him. "Do you? Do you really? Because we aren't sure you do."

"Seriously?! You're going to unite a front against us on this?"

Sam nodded. "You're damn right we are. You two acted like idiots. You got drunk, started shit, and trashed a friend's joint!"

Dean winced. He'd forgotten they'd fucked up Gina's place. He'd pay penance for that one, he knew it. She was one chick he didn't want to mess with. He wouldn't put it past _her _to figure out how to turn him into a chick.

He glanced at Andy, who said, "So, look, we get it, alright? We were stupid. Fine. We accept that. And we'll…we'll try to cut down on the booze. Life's not a kegger. We aren't at a frat party…"

He shot her a glare. She was edging toward Sarcasm City and that was going to take them to No Fucking Wayville. She cleared her throat and shrugged. "So, cutting back on the booze, we'll do that. But don't…don't take our hunts away from us. Please?"

Sam sighed and Ryan looked from one to the other of them. "You two are pathetic."

He and Andy exchanged another glance. "Tell me something I don't know," he stated as he looked at his wife.

Ryan sighed and looked over at Sam. "Well?"

He leaned back and crossed his arms. "This isn't just about you two drinking together and having a good time. This is serious shit. If anyone else did this, anyone else in our network, you think we'd let them off with just a slap on the wrist? Thank God it was here in town. What if we hadn't been able to get to you? Think of all the damn times that impala has been impounded. There but by the grace of God has no one inventoried it. If they found all our weapons, all this shit…we've got to be smart, you two. And when you're on the booze, brains go out the damn window!"

Dean winced again. It was worse than he thought. They were bringing out the big guns. Guilt for the job, too? Cold.

"Probation," Ryan told them softly. "You two are on probation."

"WHAT?!" Andy cried.

"It's for your own good," Sam told her, and Dean could almost hear sorrow in his brother's voice. "We'd do it for the kids, you know we would. I think a little cooling your heels will be good for you and you two make such exemplary role models…"

Dean wasn't sure if he was being a sarcastic ass, or if he meant it.

"We've got a possible vetala in Florida. Sam and I are leaving in an hour. You two can handle things while we're gone, right?"

"Florida?"

Ryan nodded. "Daytona Beach. And who knows? After the monster is dead? We may decide to chill out on the beach for a day or two. Take a little mental health break."

"The two of you? Together?"

The other two exchanged a look and nod before Sam said, "Yeah, we need a break from your shenanigans and Ryan could use some sun and relaxation on the beach. She really needs a few days from the monsters she lives with. All of them. Sounds fair, don't you agree, Dean?"

Dean ground his teeth together. "Not the red bikini."

Ryan's smirk was evil. "Oh yeah. The red bikini."

"God damn it!"

She shrugged. "It's only for a few days, a week, tops. You and your wonder twin over there can hold down the fort while we're gone, can't you?"

He was speechless. To his surprise, Andy spoke up. "Awww, hell, Wyatt, they got a point. We can do it. We are, after all, well and truly screwed. I guess I could use the practice, anyway. I'm a hell of a hunter already. A parent, not so much."

Sam paled. "You…you're not…"

Andy rolled her eyes. "Oh, chill, Sam. I'm smart enough not to get shit faced if I'm knocked up, which I never have been, thank you very much. But, uh, one day, right?"

Sam's face broke into the biggest smile Dean had seen in a long time as his brother stood and snatched Andy up, hugging her for all he was worth before planting a damn kiss on her that would make a porn star blush. "Oh my God. Andy! Seriously?! This is NOT how we do things?"

"Oh, is that a fact?" Ryan wanted to know as she sauntered over, her eyes narrowing at him.

He held up both hands. "Well, I mean, that's not how THEY work." He slipped an arm around her waist. "Me and you, on the other hand…"

"I'm still pissed at you, Dean." Her voice was soft, hurt, and that cut him deeper than just about anything else.

"You should be," he admitted. He'd been an idiot. It wasn't the first time. It damn sure wasn't going to be the last. He smiled though. He was still drunk enough to be hornier than a damn billy goat. "Why don't you take me home and teach me a lesson?"

There was fire in her eyes as she said, "You want a lesson? Here's one; do this to me again? I'll cut your junk off. Slowly. With a spoon." She patted his face and walked away.

"That ain't a 'no' peaches!" he called after her.

She turned then. "If we started now, I'm afraid I'd be too rough and hurt you for real." She smiled. "But if you wanna spar, see if you can beat this anger out of me, be my guest."

He eyed her speculatively. He was still too damn hungover for that. She'd kick his ass for sure. "Uh, no, that's okay. I'm good. I'll just go beat off in the shower…"

"Ohhhhhh no," she replied. "I don't get any, YOU don't get any."

"What?!"

She nodded. "You heard me. I'm leaving and you're not touching your dick for more than to take a piss until I come back next week."

"You can't be serious! The last time I went a week without jerking off, I'm pretty damn sure Regan was in office!"

That damn evil smirk played on her lips. "Then let this be a lesson to you, snookums." He watched her walk away with a bit more sway in her step than necessary, those hips and that ass taunting him with every damn step.

"Fuck. I'm so fucking screwed."

They sent Sam and Andy off, Dean poured more coffee into his system, then went to Tory's and got the little dudes. They went for burgers and fries, then Andy met up with them back at the house. They were playing with Legos when the kids came home from school.

"If you try speaking to me, I'll cut your tongue out," Krissy growled in Ben's direction.

"Damn it, Kris!"

"Whoa," Dean murmured as he walked over. "Do I wanna know?"

"This…this Neanderthal can go fuck himself, that's what," Krissy spat before she turned on her heels and stomped up the steps.

"I repeat; Do I wanna know?"

Ben blew out a breath. "I'm an idiot."

Dean snorted. "Welcome to the club. I got you beat. Want to talk about it?"

Ben glanced into the living room where Andy was trying to nonchalantly listen in. "Can we go out to the garage? I just…can't. Not where everyone can listen in. The walls in this house have ears you know."

Dean did know. He inclined his head toward Andy. "You got this?"

She nodded. "Sure. Take your time."

He led the way to the garage where Hope's car was sitting, waiting for a part to be shipped in. She was almost good to go, but they were missing a few things yet. He reached into the mini-fridge and pulled out two sodas. He tossed one Ben's way. "So, I'm guessing you pissed her off. And I'm guessing you were a dick. And I'm guessing this has something to do with the way you look at her like you want to eat her…in a completely non-cannibalistic way, of course."

"God! She's so fucking infuriating!"

"Aaaand, there it is," Dean muttered as he popped the top on his drink.

"She's so damn stubborn, I swear her heart has an argument with her head every fucking time it wants to beat!"

Dean couldn't fault that logic. He'd seen her stubborn, first hand.

"She's driving me damn crazy! You think I didn't see red when I saw that dick under her on that couch? But I let it go. She ain't mine. I get that! Then with the costumes and the joking and the sexual tension I thought…then last night when she didn't, and I didn't, and it just…fuck!"

Dean blinked. "Okay. Dial it back. I need that slower. I'm still hungover as fuck from last night and I'm facing a damn firing squad with Ryan, so, cut me a little slack. Start at the beginning."

Ben sighed out a breath. "I like her, alright? Like, I got the hots for her. Have, for some time. So, I figured maybe she did too. We've been dancing around this shit for a long time. Then when the shit storm of your birthday hit, I decided to give her some space. Clearly she's into other guys, she was about to do the nasty with one on our damn sofa!"

Dean winced, but motioned for Ben to continue.

"So, then, last night, we were talking about superheroes because Deadpool is coming out soon, and you know me and Jess love his comics…"

Dean did, too. He had started reading them after Ben and Jesse finished with them. He couldn't deny, the dude had style. He was the kind of smart ass Dean could get behind in a superhero. "Okay…"

"So, anyway, she said some shit, I said some shit, Hope grossed us both out, that girl…anyway, Jesse pissed Hope off, she ran away, he left to find her, left me and Krissy both in costumes…"

"Ah. I thought I remembered seeing her in a Cat Woman suit, but I kinda thought I was having a drunk hallucination…"

"No. She can fill out leather like no one's damn business."

"Dude. She's like my daughter. Come on!"

Ben smirked. "Sorry. Anyway, so, we're sitting there, staring at each other, and I just kind of…leaned in, and she leaned back. It went south from there. Lots of shouting. Name calling. I, uh, may have called her a shrew. She may have called me a whore. Anyway, I pushed her too far, said some shit I can't take back. She won't talk to me."

Dean blew out a breath. "You have my talent for inserting your foot into your mouth, Ben."

"Thanks."

Dean smiled humorlessly. "Look, women…they're delicate."

"I know that!"

"Do you? Because right now, you're thinking with your dick. And Kris? She doesn't need that shit in her life. You think you got it tough because your mom died. I get that. But you don't know _shit _about having a hard damn life, Ben. She was orphaned. Twice. Me and Sam went and found her after she watched her friends be slaughtered. Do you know what a bloodbath we walked into? You've not been on hunt one yet and you can't begin to grasp it, man. She watched her mom be murdered. She watched her dad be murdered. She found out the guy she trusted like a dad was only out to make her into a murderer. Then me and Sam cut her loose out into the world to be hunters when she was still a damn kid. There is nothing I can do to make up for what I did to her, forget the rest of the world. So, you have no clue what life she's led."

"But I wanna know! Geez, I mean…I want to know. I want to get to know her. I want…"

"You aren't close to ready, son."

"Don't…"

Dean shrugged. "Just handing out cold hard facts, man. You're a kid, Ben. Not saying she's not, but you are. You go out there and you live life some, then you come back to her. Treat her like a damn friend, not a conquest."

"She's not…"

"Really? You trying to tell me she's not your white whale?"

"You gonna seriously compare her to a whale?"

Dean shot him a bitchface. He'd seen it enough from Sam to dole one out. "You gonna make jokes or are you going to listen to me?"

Ben sighed, crossed his arms, and glared at him.

Dean sighed. "If you tell me, right now, you'll sleep with her, then be there for her, like a real, grown up relationship, and not view her as just a damn prize? You got my blessing. But think long and hard about what you want from her, Ben. Because if you're just looking for someone to stick it in, don't let it be her. She's worth more than that. And you know it."

"God!" The boy ran a hand through his hair and shoved off the workbench. "I don't know!"

Dean snorted. "Then you got your answer."

"But I want her!"

"So? You know how many women I've seen I wanted and didn't get? It ain't the damn end of the world. Your dick won't fall off. Trust me."

"That's not the…"

"It is the goddamn point, son! Look, she's not some fly by night, one hit wonder. Not her. Not you. Any other dude, she may be. Any other chick, absolutely. But you two…" he blew a breath out through his nose. "Don't fuck where you eat, man. I can't let you two do that. I can't let you do that to her. You think she's unbreakable, but I got news for you. I picked her up and carried her outta there after those ghouls murdered her friends. She's got a core of steel, I'll grant you that, but she's soft, too, Ben. And her heart? It can break a hell of a lot easier than you give it credit for."

"So…what? What do I do? Just pretend this doesn't exist? Pretend this didn't happen? Pretend I don't feel this way?"

Dean felt the need to drive his point home. "You tell me, right here and now you'd marry that girl, I'll give you my damn blessing."

"I'm eighteen years old!"

"MY POINT EXACTLY!"

They stood there, almost toe to toe a moment before Ben blinked and moved away. Dean took a generous sip of his cola and wished it was a damn shot of whiskey. "Krissy…she's different. It's different with her. I almost hate, for both your sakes that it is. But her? If you can't make her feel like your princess, you don't deserve to make her feel like your slut."

"It's not…"

"It IS, Ben." He rubbed his temples. "God help me, I'm not going to let you fuck this up with her like I fucked it up with Ryan all those damn times!"

"But she's not my soul mate!" Ben's eyes widened. "Is she?"

Dean shrugged. "Like I should know?"

"You're the one that's got angels for friends! Fucking ASK!"

"Like they'd TELL ME?!"

They stared at one another for a few moments more before Dean's eyes softened. "It doesn't matter, anyway, Ben."

"What do you…?"

"You aren't ready. Like you said, you're eighteen damn years old. You're a kid. I don't mean to piss you off, but you are. So? You're not ready. Admit it. Be her damn friend. Her best friend, if need be. Just…don't expect her to roll over and take it because you smile at her. That may work with all the little chickies in high school, but it ain't gonna fly with her. And you know it."

"I hurt her."

"And you admit it. That's good. A real man can't stand to see a woman hurt, especially if somewhere, in the recesses of his mind, he realizes she's his. He's careful with his decisions and actions so he never has to be responsible for her pain."

"What do I do?"

"Apologize. Tell her you're sorry. Admit you read the situation wrong. Whatever. Just make it right."

"Will that work?"

"Beats worrying if she's going to curse you in your sleep, doesn't it?"

He swallowed. "I, uh, I think she already did."

"Again I ask; do I want to know?"

"I think I need to go get a shot of penicillin."

Dean tried. He tried not to laugh, but he couldn't stop the snort. "She got you with the clap, didn't she?"

"Damn. I guess I deserved it."

"I'm impressed. She's learning too damn much with that witch shit."

"It's a nifty enough spell, I guess."

Dean chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. "Come on. I'll take you to the bunker. We got antibiotics there. You honestly think I don't know how to treat that shit? Had it too damn many times."

"Thanks, Dad. For the talk. And everything else."

"I mean it, though, Ben. Don't hurt a good woman. You hurt them enough, they walk away."

"What if someone comes along before I'm ready?"

"Then she wasn't yours to start with, Ben. Remember that. She's not yours just because you think she is. She's only yours when she tells you."

"This sucks."

"Welcome to the wonderful world of adult relationships."

Ben sighed and Dean wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders. "Come on. One STD cure coming up, then apologies, alright?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Hey, if there is one thing I know, it's how to insert my foot into my mouth, and then, how to get it out of there to make it right."

* * *

**February 5****th**

They somehow survived until Sam and Ryan came back, both looking refreshed and a tad too tan in all the places Dean wanted to be the only one to see his wife tanned in. But he knew the two of them. He'd believe a lot of shit, but either of them stepping out, wasn't one of them. And when he asked what they did, they informed him of the books they read while they were gone, further cementing his image of the two of them sitting on the beach, noses buried in their books. It made him smile.

"I need food," he whined as dinnertime rolled in. The kids were off doing their thing. Ben and Krissy had made up, or at least, to his knowledge. Everyone was currently at work. Hope had gotten a job at the diner Krissy worked at and was thoroughly enjoying her job. Tory was watching the little boys because she'd gotten to where she liked having the little guys over, and they loved going to the lake house.

"Let's go to Brothers. I could use a damn burger and Jim always uses that special spice in his," Ryan stated. "You two game?"

Sam looked at Andy, who was reading something on her phone. "Babe?"

She looked up, blinked, and nodded. "Yeah."

"What's up?"

She smiled. "Hey, Ryan, you remember Raul?"

Ryan nodded, a smile flitting across her lips. "Yeah. Why?"

"He's getting married."

"You're kidding."

"No. Just got the email. Said he met a girl in Biloxi. She's a hunter, too. They paired up a time or two, hit it off, hit it, and, well, she's knocked up."

"Wow…good for them."

"Yeah. It is." She stuck her phone in her pocket. "Burgers you said? I'm so there. As long as they have-"

"French fries. We know," Dean told her. "Come on, Doc. I want to see if you can actually eat that three quarter pounder they have."

"Seriously? Have you seen me eat? You know I can handle my meat."

Ryan snorted. "That's what she said."

Andy looked at her a moment before she just rolled her eyes and chuckled.

When they arrived, one of the other waitresses took their order. To no one's surprise, Gina came out with their drinks on a tray. Dean stared at his drink in surprise. It was in a cup with a lid and a straw. And the lid had been taped on with electrical tape. Andy's was, too. When he opened his mouth to say something, Gina pointedly ignored him and flounced off.

"What the fuck?" he muttered.

Ryan snorted into her beer. "I think she's still pissed at you, hon."

"Great," he muttered. He looked around the table. "She didn't even leave us with fucking straws!"

She returned a few minutes later with their food. Sam and Ryan's were both on the white ceramic squares they usually served their food on, but his and Andy's were on Styrofoam plates. He and Andy exchanged a look before he asked, "Okay, seriously. What the hell?"

Gina shrugged. "Sorry, but until you learn to play well with others…" she tossed some paper napkins and finally, a few damn straws on the table. She winked at him. "I don't need ya'll breaking any more of my shit."

Dean's eyes widened before he looked away and mumbled, 'Thanks, Mom."

Gina put her hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. "You mind your tone with me. The only reason you two are sitting in my place right now? THEM!" she growled, gesturing toward Sam and Ryan. "Now, I said I was grateful for you two running off those other two douchebags, and I meant it. But when words gets around that the Winchesters hang out here – and trust me, it WILL get around – I want that to mean a good thing, don't you? I'm serious, don't make me regret this. I don't wanna get rid of something bad just to replace it with something worse. You feel me?"

Andy winced. "Sorry about that."

Gina smiled at her warmly. "No apologies required, okay? Trust me, I've got a ton of experience in fucking shit up, and more often than not, THAT one had a hand in things," she added as she pointed to Jim behind the bar.

"DAMN STRAIGHT and I'd do it again!" he called out in his thick southern accent. Dean had talked to her husband more than once. He'd been a hell raiser once upon a time, too. Still was, if he had half a chance, from the sound of things.

Gina sighed. "He's making my next point for me, which is that, nine times out of ten, that ape's gonna leave his brain at home, so remember to bring yours. I don't know you guys that well, but I like you. So, uh, do me a solid, one brunette to another?"

"He's my brain," Andy replied, thumbing at Sam. "Does that count?"

"Absolutely. And brothers? I got one of those, too, and as much trouble as me and my man are capable of stirring up? You can bet money it's doubled when my brother is involved. NEITHER of us are allowed to be alone with him anymore," she added on a laugh. "So, I get it." She smiled and blew out a breath. "Now, is there anything else you guys need?"

Sam just smiled at Dean like a smartass. "Nah, I think we're good, don't you, Dean?"

"Y-Yeah, we're good." He needed a refill of his drink, but he'd be damned if he'd ask for one.

She rapped the table with her knuckles. "Alright then. I'll be back in about five with the refill you're too scared to ask for." She shot Dean a wink and walked away.

"Damn," Andy muttered, blowing out a breath. "I feel like I just got yelled at for playing in my mom's makeup."

"Did you see that look she gave us?" Dean shivered. "Reminded me of that time I stole Baby while Dad was laid up from a hunt. I only wanted to drive her, you know? I'd driven her before, but when I got home…well, let's say it didn't matter how hurt he was. I was tore up worse than him when he got done with me."

Sam winced. "I remember that. Didn't we joyride and go get ice cream?"

Dean smiled. "We brought him back one."

"He ate it after he sent you to bed," Sam told him.

Dean chuckled. "That bastard."

Gina, who obviously overheard, walked back up and pulled up a chair after handing Sam the pitcher of beer for refills. "First of all, I ain't your daddy. If memory serves, Dean, we're about the same age, so if I'm old, guess what that makes you? Second, this place? It ain't some car for ya'll to joyride in. It's my livelihood. And third? You want ice cream? I got ice cream. Hell, I got more ice cream than you can shake a stick at, anytime, on the house. It's not on the menu, but I keep it here for Jim because, well, I'm not above keeping a good man. Point is, consider this your place, but TREAT it like your place." She looked over at Ryan. "Sorry, sweetie, hope I didn't step on your toes, but I got three boys of my own and, well, the mom in me creeps out on occasion."

Dean just smiled. "Sweetheart, if I wasn't already with Ryan…"

Gina shot him a look so cold, he'd probably be chipping ice off his ass for the next week. "Don't even go there. I got a guy, one I'd go to hell for. So don't even try that flirting crap with me. One troublemaker in my life is more than enough."

Dean chuckled. "We're blessed, G. That much is for sure. Say…you got any of your mom-in-law's pie back there to go with that ice cream?"

Gina just shook her head as she stood. "How do you ever tell those puppy dog eyes 'no'?"

Ryan, who Dean could tell was trying not to giggle, probably at how the woman just shut him down, said, "I've got three pairs at home. Trust me. I'm well versed in the art of saying no."

"Well, I guess that means I gotta learn." She started to turn when she stopped. "Oh, one more thing? I'm Puerto-Rican. Try this shit again? You'll have a full-blown Latina meltdown on your hands, got it? See ya, Ry, don't be a stranger."

Ryan looked at Dean, wide eyed. "You know, I realize you made it with the Casa Erotica girl, but, babe, even I thought that was sexy."

Dean just cleared his throat and smiled.

* * *

**Sam POV **

**February 12 **

"Ask for help, and help shall arrive," Dean stated cheerily as he walked into Sam and Andy's house and dropped onto the kitchen chair next to Sam.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you after spending ALL DAMN DAY with you, but, uh, why are you here?"

Dean shrugged. "Hope and her little chickies are talking play shit. They kicked me out."

"Just you?" Sam asked suspiciously.

"Okay, I may have been making an ass out of myself. But come on, those dudes singing that gay song about Agony? I couldn't deal."

"And your daughter couldn't deal with you."

"Actually, it was Ryan," Dean stated, somewhat bashfully.

"Remind me to thank Ryan later." He eyed his brother. "So she sent you over to bug the shit out of me. How kind of her. When you remind me to thank her, remind me to send her a fruit basket as well."

"Fuck and you, buddy. Where's Doc?"

"She's over at Tory's for a little while. She'll come home in a few."

"So…"

Sam sighed. "You can stay. Help me research, alright? I got a fang I can't find and I need to give Rudy some information."

Dean sighed. "Seriously? Do you ever take a fucking break, dude?"

"You want to help me or not?"

"Fine," Dean bit out as he snagged Andy's laptop from the countertop. "I'll help, I'll help…"

* * *

**Sometime later…**

"Come on," Sam grumbled to himself a while later. "Where the hell are you hiding?" He narrowed his eyes at the computer screen. It was well into his second hour of scouring local maps in the most recent of several failed attempts to suss out the location of the vamp nest Rudy had caught wind of. The guy needed all the help he could get, and Sam was the one that drew the short straw. On the plus side, it was Ryan having to deal with Garth this time, so that was always a win when he didn't have to handle the overly verbose werewolf.

Dean's helping so far had consisted of huffing like a child, opening a book, staring at it blankly, playing a game of solitaire on the computer, then complaining he was bored before becoming a blister on Sam's ass. He made spitting noises. He drummed out an AC/DC song on the table with his thumbs. He spun a bottle cap. Like, twelve times.

Sam's jaw clenched and he sucked in a breath, determined to ignore his brother. How the hell he thought it'd be a good idea to let Dean stay and help him with research, he'd never figure. There was a reason he and Ryan had taken over the lion's share of research. They were a well-oiled machine. But he was onto his brother. He knew Dean's end game: become such an overwhelming nuisance that Sam would gladly kick him out and do the research himself if it meant peace and quiet. And it usually did the trick. But not this time, Sam decided. Dean was gonna have to nut up and hit the books. "Here," Sam offered a stack of obits and coroners' reports. "Comb through these, see if anything sticks out."

Dean turned from the pantry where he had been rummaging, a bag of chips in hand. His lip curled and he rolled his eyes, then he walked up behind Sam and stooped to look over his shoulder at the computer.

Sam closed his eyes and squared his shoulders as Dean rustled the chip bag, no doubt to ruffle his feathers. Incessant. Constant. Noise. During research, it was the fly in Sam's ointment, and he knew Dean had his number.

Dean reached in the bag and shoved a handful of chips in his mouth. He crunched and smacked and licked his fingers. "Find our fangs yet?" he asked through a full mouth, then pointed at the screen. "What about there? Abandoned warehouse always screams 'vamp' to me."

Sam shrugged Dean's arm away from his shoulder. Having his personal space crowded was another of Sam's buttons, one Dean loved pressing. "No," Sam bit out through clenched teeth. "So far, all the vics have been showing up in the same area, and this warehouse is miles away. They'd wanna stick close to their hunting ground."

"Makes sense, I guess." Dean dug into the bag again to stuff his mouth, and dropped some crumbs on Sam's shoulder. "Oh...damn. Sorry, man, lemme get that."

Sam felt Dean dust his shoulder and snapped. "Fine, YOU WIN!" He roared as he whipped around, his face red with anger. "You win, Dean, GET THE HELL OUT!"

The elder Winchester stood straight, a satisfied smirk on his smart ass face. It soon sobered though, as he thought aloud, "Wait...go where?"

Sam kept his eyes on Dean as he smiled, then called out, "Andy! Babe, can you c'mere a sec?" Bless her. She was the only one more tolerable of Dean than he was. She had come in about twenty minutes before and pecked him on the cheek before she'd gone upstairs to shower. She and Tory were working on some flower beds or something. Tory had taken up gardening. Sam wasn't certain it wasn't weed she was going to grow, but he was staying out of that one.

She appeared within seconds from the den, putting the back on an earring. Sam turned to her and she bent to steal a kiss. Papers and maps and books were strewn around the whole damn table. "Still stumped about the nest, huh? What can I do to help?"

Sam held a hand out to his wife. "Thank you!" He turned to Dean. "See? THAT'S how you're supposed to respond to research!"

"I would, but I'm neither a nerd, nor am I sleeping with you..." He pointed at Andy. "Exhibit 'A'. S'up, Doc?"

"Wyatt."

"Wait," Sam remembered, turning back to Andy, "I thought you were going to a movie toight."

"Not just A movie, THE movie."

Sam chuckled. "Deadpool...right. Feel like company? Dean needs a sitter."

Andy put a hand on her hip and sighed as she shot Dean a look.

"What the hell'd I do to YOU?!"

Comically, she stepped toe-to-toe with Dean, who stood nearly two heads above her. She reached up a finger and warned as she looked up, "Dean Winchester, I have been waiting and fangirling over this movie for months, you hear me? MONTHS. You do ONE THING to fuck this up for me? I'll kick your junk till your ass shits your ghost, savvy? I ain't your brother. I. WILL. END. YOU."

Sam watched the war on Dean's face. He knew it went against everything in Dean's nature to refrain from calling her hand. Knew, too, Dean had been reading a few of Ben's Deadpool comics recently. Sam hadn't told Andy because he wasn't sure he wanted the two of them to have another damn thing to bond over, but he supposed he owed it to them. Besides, he could admit, if only to himself, he enjoyed watching his wife put Dean in his place. And the sparring Dean had done lately had done just that. Dean had already learned the hard way not to let her size fool him. Hard as he tried, he'd never been able to intimidate her, and she had a temper that rivaled his on a good day.

Sam watched as Dean closed one eye at her and whispered, "Shhh...my common sense is tingling."

Realization was written all over her face and Andy gasped as her eyes widened. "Seriously?!"

"So rare it's a goddamn super power." He extended his arm. "Shall we?"

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and pointed at the door. "Yeah, this is...great. Sorry you have to rush off."

"Boo, you whore!" Andy joked. He smiled as she pressed a kiss to his lips, then stood and took Dean's arm.

He waggled his eyebrows and teased, "Don't wait up,"

Sam pressed his lips together and resisted the urge to stab his brother with a fork. He forced a smile and waved. "Okay, BUH-bye."

* * *

Four hours later, the screen door slammed shut and started Sam from his sleep as he snorted and shot up from the mound of papers underneath him.

"Awww," Andy giggled at the post-it stuck to Sam's face. She peeled it from his cheek and gushed, "You're so cute when you brain."

"Ew. Dude, can you not? I'm standing right here."

Sam's brow furrowed and he couldn't stop himself from checking Andy's breath. They weren't drunk, thankfully. They were, however, pleasantly buzzed. He supposed that one, he could let slide. "Lemme guess...Dean talked you into raiding his mini fridge before the movie?"

Andy stood straight and tapped Sam on the nose. "You, sir...are not wrong." She gasped and sat in his lap. "Babe, the movie was AMAZEBALLS!"

"Yeah," Dean interjected, "Deadpool's a badass. B. A. M. F."

"Go B. A. M. F. yourself, Dean," Sam growled.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA. Awesome insult, but harsh. Did I miss something?"

Sam blew out a ragged breath and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "No. No, you didn't, it's...it's just been a long night. Been swimming in cross references and dead-ends...and I'm no closer to finding the vamps' hideout." He let out a yawn and stretched. "I'm glad you guys had a good time."

"HAD?! NUH-uh. Fun time's still going on." Dean shot Andy a wink and plopped down at the kitchen table next to Sam. "DOC! Fucking grab me a fucking beer out of the fucking fridge right the fuck now!"

"JESUS, DEAN!" Sam yelled. "Even for you, the language...don't forget you're talking to my wife!"

"Oh, suck a cock!"

Sam's eyebrows shot up. Dean and Andy erupted into laughter. "S'cool, Sam...thanks, And," Dean said as she handed him a beer.

"Did I miss something?" Sam felt sure his bewilderment showed on his face as Andy sat next to him and slid the lap top in front of her.

"We need more booze. Drunk research is WAAAY more fun," Dean muttered.

Andy shot him a look and cooed, "Okay, let's see what we can see..."

Dean giggled and leaned toward Sam. "Dude...I can make a woman sarcasm. Repeatedly. Watch this..." He sat up straight. "Hey, Andy, I know we're both married, and this is just a hypothetical question, but have you ever thought about...?"

She looked around the laptop at Dean, raised an eyebrow and deadpanned, "Sure. Right after I've discovered not only that you're the last man on the planet, but that I've checked my self-respect and dignity at the door, STD's no longer scare me, I have absolutely nothing else to live for, mailed my suicide note to whoever might give a damn..."

He leaned back to Sam. "See?"

Sam just groaned.

Andy kissed Sam's cheek. "Don't worry, baby...your brother has about as much sex appeal as a herpes commercial."

"Hey! Sam was in one of those!" The two others shared a laugh at Sam's expense before Dean smirked. "But, ah, feeling's mutual, sis." They reached across the table and tapped their beers together.

They sat back and shared a smile. Sam looked at Dean, then back at Andy. "What the hell is WRONG with you two?! Did Molly come along for the movie or something?"

Dean stifled a giggle, then leaned on an elbow and looked at Sam. "I know, right? You're probably thinking, 'whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie'? I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with 'pulverine'." He added in an Australian accent, "And lemme tell ya, e's got a nice pair o' smooth criminals down unda."

"Oh my god..." Sam leaned on the table and fisted his hair. "Let the references begin. This is gonna be a loooong night."

Andy laughed. "My turn! Uh...oh! I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it."

Dean finished, "They made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent." He thought a minute, then his eyes widened. "Oh! Hello there! I bet you're wondering why the red suit? Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed."

Andy continued, "This guy's got the right idea...he wore the brown pants!"

"ALRIGHT!" Sam bellowed. The room fell silent. "Do you guys have an off switch?"

Dean didn't miss a beat. Stone-faced, he came back with, "Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the 'on' switch?"

Andy laughed so hard she nearly fell out of her chair. When she finally recovered, she cleared her throat. "Okay, let's be serious now, for Sam's sake. He's been busting his ass for hours trying to come up with a lead...the least we can do is help him out."

Sam smiled at her gesture. "Thanks. I appreciate it." He thought a second. "Hey, check the police data bases, see if any suspicious crimes pop up. That was gonna be my next step-"

"Crime's the disease," Dean thumbed at himself. "Meet the cure. Okay, not the cure, but more like a topical ointment to reduce swelling and itch."

Sam shot Dean the bitch face. Andy nearly bit her lip in half to keep from laughing.

Dean nodded. "No? Okay..." He closed his eyes and started bobbing his head. "I heard that you were talking shit / And you didn't think that I'd hear it / People hear you talkin' like that, gettin' everybody fired up...ooh, this my shit, this my shit / This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S..."

Sam attempted to choke back the laughter, but he lost it. After a minute, he wiped tears away and sighed. "I swear to god, if you put as much effort into research as you do into being a complete and utter jackass..."

"I'd be dangerous?"

"Exactly." He clapped Dean on the shoulder. "Thanks for the laugh. I needed that."

"Anytime." Dean stood to his feet and hitched up his pants. "Time to go see if I can rile the wife up, make her tie me to the bedposts..." A sly grin spread across his face as he stared off. "Hoo boy...if I had a nickel for every time I woke up in THAT predicament..."

"You'd have a nickel, stud," Andy countered.

It was Sam's turn to laugh at Dean's expense.

"Uh-UH! What about that time I was tied up at Becky's-"

Sam scoffed. "That was ME, asshat...and pillories don't count."

"Actually," Dean corrected, "I think pillories count DOUBLE."

"Easy for you to say...let a crazy fangirl roofie YOU and trick you into marriage, then we'll talk."

"Alright, enough reminiscing," Andy said as she pulled Sam to his feet and patted his cheek. "Stalker exes aside, this is a face I wanna sit on. NOW."

Dean heaved and held up a hand. "I thought we had an agreement about the sex stuff?!"

"MY house. MY rules. Unless you wanna be a witness, I suggest you shag ass." She smiled and walked over to him and said quietly, "Listen, Dean, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the house. Right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck."

Dean smirked. "Movie was awesome. Later, sis." On his way out the door he yelled over his shoulder, "Hey Jared! I'll take a footlong, fully loaded!"

Sam crinkled his nose. "Who the hell's 'Jared'?"


	54. Hot Blooded

**Disclaimer: SPN still isn't mine. But I sure wish Dean Winchester was.**

**Author's note: Sorry for the long wait! Life has been hella busy! Now that it's summer, here's hoping at have a TINY bit more time to write while the kids chill out! Enjoy!**

* * *

**February 15****th**

**Jesse POV**

Days off school were a blessing and a curse. Blessing, because he got to spend all day with Hope. Curse, because, inevitably, Dean would barge in at an inappropriate time, like when he was about to kiss his girlfriend. He glanced at her across the bunker and sensing his eyes on her, she looked up and sent a secret smile his way.

"HOPE!" Dean barked, making her jump.

"Yes, Daddy?"

"What'cha say we go out to dinner tonight?"

"Dean, I can cook, it is my turn," Ryan stated as she stood and began gathering papers. She had just sent Tory off to meet Mike for a case. The Men of Letters group of hunters was growing, but Ryan tended to give the best cases to hunters she really trusted.

"Yeah, babe, but you made that awesome dinner for Valentine's last night, and, well, the after, I kind of owe you for…"

Hope's nose wrinkled and Jesse chuckled under his breath.

Ryan crossed her arms and shook her head at her husband. "Fine. How about we go to Tastee Freeze? I know everyone loves their burgers, and the boys can play on the playground." She glanced Jesse's way. "What about you, Jess? Got work tonight?"

He nodded. The pizza place he worked kept him pretty busy. "I'm afraid so. But eat a burger and a hot fudge sundae for me, okay?"

Ryan winked. "Ten-four. Come on, Jon, come to Mama. Let's go get you some fry-fries."

"Fwi!" he cried as he walked over to her. Along with running everywhere he went, he was starting to talk. So far, his powers hadn't become too much of an issue, but everyone was just waiting. It was evident he was a lot stronger than Jesse had been as a baby and small child. He was more advanced, too, but Sam had a theory about that. He believed Bobby was syphoning off memories to the younger boy, teaching him, or implanting the knowledge of things in his head. But there was no way to be certain of that. It was just a working theory at the moment. And it was evident neither of the boys were telling.

"Sam, you want in?" Dean asked his brother.

"No, sorry. Andy's trying a new recipe tonight. Stuffed biscuits."

Dean smirked. "'Stuffed biscuit' isn't a euphemism, is it?"

Sam grimaced and casting a glance at Dean, pointed to the older man's head. "What's going on in there? Is it just a nonstop slide show of genitals?"

Dean thought a moment then let out what sounded almost like a giggle as he stated, "Beans 'n Franks."

Sam groaned and hitched his laptop satchel up on his shoulder. "I give up. Good luck, Ryan. You'll need it."

"Thanks, Sam," she deadpanned. "I appreciate it."

Dean was still smiling as he picked up Bobby and hoisted him up on his shoulders. "Come on, bud. Let's get a burger."

"Yay! And ice cream!"

"After you eat some semblance of food," Ryan reminded him as she carried Jon behind them up the stairs.

Jesse glanced at Hope, who was putting something in her small bag. She had started helping with the research on occasion. She looked so damn beautiful in the light of the laptop as she concentrated, that little wrinkle forming in her forehead as her brows furrowed…

"Do you have to go to work?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry."

She shrugged. "Okay. I'll miss you."

His heart beat double time at her proclamation. "I'll miss you, too."

"I'll be waiting tonight. Our usual spot?"

They had started sneaking out, which wasn't hard since both of them could imagine a place to be and then be there. They had started going out to the lake. They didn't do anything. He wasn't sure either of them were ready for furthering their relationship physically, but they did kiss some, and talked a lot. He loved talking to her. Her memories from before were still filtering in. She had lived a long life. He loved hearing her tell stories of things she and Loki did, the mischief they got into. It was amazing, like listening to an audio book, only in her gorgeous voice with the slightest hint of a southern twang to it.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he told her as he pulled her to him.

She blinked lazily and smiled up at him as his lips descended gently to hers. He kissed her tenderly and pulled away to give her a smile of his own.

She kissed him one last time. "Bye," she whispered against his lips. "See you soon."

"Not soon enough," he countered as she stepped out of his embrace.

She smiled and sent him a wink before she dashed up the steps after the rest of her family.

He sighed like a girl and imagined himself in the alley across the street from the pizza joint. It was downtown, about three blocks from Brothers Bar, where the adults hung out. He was friends with the sons of the owners. They were nice people who didn't treat him like a social pariah. It was comforting.

He walked across the street and opened the door…to find Ben. "Dude. I work here, not you."

"Yeah, but I wanted pizza," Ben countered as he held up a slice. "You hungry?" he asked before he shoved half the piece in his mouth.

"Ah, Jesse, just the man I wanted to see."

Jesse smiled at the owner. Mr. Mancuso was a hundred if he was a day, and all the teens in town seemed to love him. If they weren't at the diner Krissy worked at, they were here. "Hi, Mr. Mancuso."

"We are not so busy today. You do not have to work."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. But have a slice. It is dinner time. Unless you need to run home?"

Jesse shook his head. "They went out for dinner." He plopped down next to Ben and stole a piece of his pie.

"Hey, watch it, bitch. Be glad that's only pizza pie."

Jesse let out a snort. "Once more proving you're your father's eh?"

"At least I'm not narc'ing on you and Hope."

Jesse had bitten a particularly cheesy piece and promptly choked on the melty goodness. When he could breathe again, he managed, "What?"

Ben shot him a look. "I'm not as dumb as him, dude. I see the way you two are flirting. Something happened when you went after her that night."

Jesse's eyebrow popped up. "The night Wolverine was too chicken shit to play with Cat Woman?"

"Damn you! I'll never forgive you for that shit, either."

Jesse sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I really thought she was…"

"Well, she wasn't, okay?"

They sat in silence before Nicki, Mr. Mancuso's niece, brought Jesse a Coke. "Thanks, Nic."

She winked at him and moved off to another table.

Ben's eyes followed her ass and he let out a low whistle. "Remind me why I haven't tapped that yet?"

"Because she's barely older than Hope, and your average human, and for all your asshole tendencies, you don't lean toward pedophilia, either?"

Ben looked back at him. "Good point. But isn't she a freshman this year?"

"She is. And she's a year ahead. She's planning on becoming a brain surgeon. She's out of your league even if she wasn't thirteen years old."

"Damn. They're making them look too old now."

Jesse just looked at him and shook his head. "Just remember, you're eighteen now, alright?"

"I know, I know. But I can look."

"You're a pig."

Ben appraised him. "I'd have figured the angel would have gotten the stick out of your ass by now."

"One, she's your sister. Don't be that guy. And, two, we're taking it slow. Neither of us are ready for that."

"You're how old?"

Jesse leaned back and crossed his arms. "Fuck. You. This is none of your business, Ben. Stick your nose in, I'll turn it into a duck bill. Again."

"That was a dick move."

Jesse smirked. "It made Krissy laugh."

Ben shoved his plate away and sighed. "I've screwed this up, man."

Jesse took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. "Give her time. She'll come around."

"Well, at least she's not cursing me anymore. I mean, that's a step in the right direction. Every time I walked past her, she was muttering in Latin under her breath. So far I've had the clap, diarrhea from Hell, failed three tests _that I actually studied for_, and vomited on Stacy McClendon."

"That one was epic, by the way…"

Ben's eyes narrowed and Jesse received a bitch face worthy of Sam before the other boy sighed again. "I just don't know how to make it right."

"Probably not offering to make all her sexual fantasies come true would have been a good starting point."

"Again, I thought she and I were just playing! Then she got so damn pissed and I just…" He sighed.

"Look, Krissy will forgive you. I mean, it may take a while, but it will happen. Give it time."

"You think?"

Jesse thought a moment. "Yeah. I think so. I mean, I'm not a psychic, that isn't one of my gifts, but, yeah. Give her time. But while you're doing that? It would behoove you not to sleep with the rest of the junior and senior classes. Keep the sophomore's at arm's length, and don't even think about the freshmen. Okay?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah, probably right." He glanced at his watch. "Shit. I gotta get to work. You going home?"

Jesse shrugged. "Guess so. Man. The house is quiet."

Ben smirked. "Just don't go pulling any Tom Cruise 'Risky Business' moves, 'kay?"

Jesse chuckled. "No promises."

He watched Ben walk out the door and finished his pizza before cleaning the table and setting it up for another customer before he waved a goodbye to Mr. Mancuso and Nicki. He walked back to the alley, looked this way and that, then disappeared home.

He paused as soon as he hit his room. The house was too quiet. He'd never been in the house by himself. It was almost unnerving. He changed clothes into some basketball shorts, and forgoing a shirt, bound down the steps to grab something to drink. He waved a hand at Ryan's iPod dock and music started. He grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge and took a generous swig before he rummaged around to see if Ryan had any leftover cobbler. It was his favorite out of every dessert she made, and man, could she cook. She had made strawberry, which wasn't what he loved the most, but it was red so it went with the valentine's theme she'd prepared the night before.

After finishing off the leftover cobbler, he walked back up the steps and quickly started his Latin homework for Sam. It was funny, a half demon learning the incantation for an exorcism, but at the same time, he supposed it was smart. Sam was a pretty intelligent dude. So, if he said Jesse needed to learn this stuff along with Ben, to be his hunting partner, then, that was that. Besides, it was kind of cool learning all the Latin.

He finished that, then moved on to his history exam work. Once that was completed, he glanced at the clock. It had only been an hour. He missed the noise the little boys brought to the house. He liked playing with both of them. He was working with Jon a little bit, getting him to control what powers he already had. The fire thing…that was kind of cool. The little boy could manipulate fire like nobody's business. It unnerved Sam and Dean both, who had seen Sam's girlfriend burning on the ceiling. But what could they do? It was the gift the kid had. They had to cultivate it and show him how to control it. Otherwise, it would be a disaster.

He lay down on his bed and read some of the book Ryan had given him. Sometimes it was nice to delve into the world of fiction. Although, nothing was quite as interesting as their lives, the story of animals becoming aware of the fact humans weren't at the top of the food chain was pretty interesting.

At the two hour mark, he put his book down and decided to grab something else to drink. He hit the kitchen at the same time the song "Hot Blooded" came on. He grinned. _Who cares if it's silly? Why not channel my inner Tom Cruise? _He started bobbing his head and dancing around, realizing how stupid he looked, but seriously not caring a bit.

He figured he could clean up the kitchen a little bit since it was kind of a mess from their rapid exit that morning and snagged the broom before letting the dog out. The freaking thing shed like nobody's business. He was singing at the top of his lungs when something skittered up his spine. He stopped dead and turned to the doorway where Hope was standing there mouth hanging open.

He closed his eyes. "Just go ahead and let me have it, alright?! We both know you're gonna blow an artery if you don't."

When she didn't say anything, he opened his eyes and looked at her. She snapped her mouth shut and said, matter-of-factly, "You know what, I'd love to give you shit, I mean, seriously, like, I'd LOVE to, but I can't help it. That was fucking hot."

The blush traveled from his chest all the way to the tops of his ears before he started grinning like a loon. "Is that so?"

She licked her lips, swallowed, and moved toward him when they heard Dean stomping in. Jesse heard Hope snap her fingers just seconds before she groaned. He glanced down. She had dressed him in a shirt to add to his shorts. He sent her a look of gratitude as Dean said, "Why do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Groan when I walk in the room?"

"Maybe because I saw you like, three seconds ago?" she countered as she crossed her arms.

"Maybe you need a cowbell around your neck," Ryan provided as she walked in. "You should come with a spoiler warning, sugar."

His lower lip poked out. "Don't understand why everybody's gotta be so damn mean to me…" he muttered as he walked toward the living room where Jesse heard Jon and Bobby already playing.

Ryan sent Jesse a wink before she walked after Dean.

"Your mom just might be epic," Jesse whispered reverently as Hope walked over to him.

She smirked. "I know, right? So…later…the lake?"

He nodded. "Absolutely."

She sent him a wink of her own and sashayed up the stairs. "Have mercy on my poor damned soul," he muttered to himself as he watched the gentle sway of her hips. He blinked and walked into the living room to play with the boys a bit.

Later that night, after Ben had gone to sleep, Jesse slid into his shoes and disappeared into the night, reappearing by the lake. He went and sat on the picnic table, staring up at the stars. It was cold tonight, but not uncomfortably so. He had, however, had the forethought to grab his extra blanket from the bed.

"You brought us a blanket?" Hope's quiet voice stated in the night.

He looked at her and smiled. "I didn't know if you would be cold."

She smiled. "Thank you." She grinned. "You know, people don't really get it. Angels tend to run a bit on the colder side, and not just our personalities."

"You're far from cold, Hope."

"That's because I've had a lot more time to be human." She walked over and sat next to him on the bench. She was dressed in her jeans, boots, flannel, and a band tee, her usual attire. She looked amazing. Like always. Her smile stayed on her face. "You look like you want to eat me."

He blinked, blushed, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry."

She giggled. "No, it's fine." She scooted closer to him and brushed a hand up his chest. "I had no idea how good you looked under here. Remind me again why we aren't sleeping together yet?"

"Because we're waiting to get to know each other better?" he managed, though his voice went up an octave.

She bit her lip and leaned back. "Alright. I'll accept that. For now."

"You're awfully forward, Hope."

She shrugged. "I'm my father's."

He snorted. "Yeah, you are." Her eyes narrowed and he leaned back. "That's not a bad thing."

"You sure about that, slugger?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I'm sure. Dean's…cool. Just wish he liked me better."

"He can sense you're after my virtue," she told him playfully.

"That's not funny."

She leaned back on her elbows. "Are you kidding? It's hilarious."

"You and I have a very different definition of 'hilarious', Hope."

"Oh, chill. He's not gonna find out about this. Not until we're ready."

"And when will we be ready?" he wondered aloud.

Her brows furrowed. "What's wrong with what we have now?"

"Seriously? Skulking about in the night, hiding this from him, making Ryan and Sam and even Ben lie for us?! I just…I'm not good at subterfuge, Hope."

She shot him a look and her mouth turned up on the corner sarcastically as she said, "You'd better get good at it if you're going to be a damn hunter, Jesse."

He sighed and stood. "Maybe I'm not cut out for that life, Hope."

She gasped. "Don't say that! You're great! You can do anything you set your mind to! Whether it's hunting or not, but don't do that. You're awesome. What's it going to take to convince you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

She licked her lips and walked over to him. She laced her hands around his waist and pulled him to her. "Well, how about I kiss you a little while? Think that might help?"

He smiled despite himself. He could never feel bad in her presence. She was like the damn sunshine, warming him from the inside out. "I guess that might work." He lowered his lips to hers. He didn't know how long they stood there, gently caressing one another's lips before she pulled away and sighed. "We should cut it short tonight."

"Why?"

"I've got a lot of planning for the play and the prom. I've got to get up early and meet with Olivia."

His nose wrinkled. There was something about Olivia he disliked.

Her eyebrow rose. "Seriously?"

"Olivia's a bitch."

She chortled. "Lucky thing you aren't dating her, then, isn't it?"

"I don't like her. Are you sure you've checked? She's not a monster, is she?"

"No, babe, she's not a monster. Just a bitchy high-schooler. I think she's just wanting to be my friend because Ben is my brother."

"I told him to stop with that shit."

She nodded. "Good. Kris is hurt enough."

"In his defense…"

She held up a hand. "Don't. I know, okay? They have to work through it. They will, eventually."

"You a seer?" he inquired.

She shook her head. 'No. I just have a good feeling about the two of them. Eventually, they'll work through this shit."

"And if they don't?"

"I'll lock them in the MOL dungeon until they do."

He chuckled. "Nice."

"I do what I can."

"Do we have to leave? We just go there."

She sighed and bit her lip again. "Five more minutes?"

"Make it ten," he told her as he moved in once more.

* * *

The next morning, he walked downstairs to find Ryan cooking, as usual. She and Dean traded cooking breakfast and dinner, so obviously it was Dean who would be fixing the dinner meal later that night. Jesse knew while Dean liked to cook, he was guaranteed a meal made for a man. Ryan tended to cook healthier. Dean was a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

"Damn it," Ryan muttered as she fought with the package of bacon. "It says 'Easy Open' on it."

Ben snorted from where he was sitting, eating a bagel slathered in cream cheese at the table. "So does Polly Swearengin's legs."

Bobby looked up from his eggs, brow furrowed, and asked, "What's that mean, Ben?"

Jesse changed a glance at Ryan, who had turned, leaned against the counter, crossed her arms and started tapping her foot.

Ben looked from her to Bobby.

"Well?" Ryan prompted. "Your brother is waiting for an answer."

Ben seemed to think for a half a second before he snatched up his backpack and bagel before shouting, "Gotta get to school!" as he hurried toward the door. "If you're coming, shag ass, Turner!"

Ryan shook her head as she handed Jesse a bagel already fixed the way he liked it. "Go." She turned to Bobby. "Don't you worry, sweetheart, I'll remind him to explain it to you when he gets home."

"Okay!" Bobby stated with a chipper tone as he continued eating.

Jesse snorted as he hurried out after Ben.

That afternoon once more found Jesse in the bunker. This time he was helping Sam do research. He was learning as much as he could about demons. He was half one, after all. He wanted to know more about them. They hadn't found any information about any previous half-demons, so they were also recording information about his childhood, when his powers started manifesting, that kind of thing. Sam was fascinated by both him and Jon's powers. Sam was also inputting any information about his demon blood days. Jesse could sense it was bringing up bad memories, but Sam was a big believer in research, so he was pushing through the pain associated with the memories.

Just then, he heard a growl coming from Hope's direction and managed to step out of the way as a book went flying across the room. "Yeah?! Well screw you, pal!" she screamed into the phone before she tossed it as well. It bounced off the wall and broke into pieces. That was when he heard the thunder rolling and wind howling. "Seriously?!" he couldn't help but say. "You are SUCH a drama queen."

Sam chuckled. "Yup. Just like her father."

Hope and Dean exclaimed "Hey!" in unison.

Dean patted his daughter on the back then turned to Sam. "Better a drama queen than a wussified, emoting little bitch. When someone approaches me, they don't have to wonder how I'm feeling or have a 'heart-to-heart'. They know right off the bat."

Sam shot him a look. "Right. And you wonder why no one comes to you. Actually though, if they're brave enough, most would find you're sweet if they can just break through the shell. You're like an M&amp;M that way."

Dean's look was full of bewilderment. "My god, where do you come up with this crap?!"

Sam shrugged. "I hear things. Seems you're more bark than bite. Textbook drama queen behavior, by the way." Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket. "What are you doing?"

Dean smirked and put the phone to his ear. "Calling a five foot narc and explaining Doc only lived as long as he did because he wasn't a snitch. And OUR Doc just violated that trust."

Hope, who had been watching the exchange asked, "What's wrong with letting people know how you're feeling?"

"It's annoying," Dean and Jesse answered in unison before sharing a fist bump.

Hope looked at Jesse and he sighed. "Look, I know I'm more on the emotional side than most of the men around here, but I don't make it a point to broadcast how the weather affects my masculinity. Some emotions need to be expressed, others need to be quiet. I don't wanna know how the last scented candle you bought changed your life."

Hope's eyes narrowed. "So, my feelings don't matter if you don't consider them important?"

Jesse's self-preservation was sending him warning messages and he quickly stated, "No, that's not what I meant. Some things are real. Others are trivial."

She shot him a bitchface and crossed her arms. In that moment, she looked more like a demon than he did as her eyes narrowed. "Oh really? And you get to decide for everyone which is which? What if I DID buy a scented candle and it DID change my life?!"

Jesse blinked. "Okaaaaay…you're kind of making my point for me. You win the lottery? Come find me, I'll scream like a little girl along with you. Telling me about how a pomegranate candle put you in touch with your inner lioness? Sorry, but that's a conversation for a feminine hygiene commercial."

He felt himself being pushed with an invisible hand up against the wall. "And you claim I'm like my father!" she shouted. "Well in this instance, you're acting JUST LIKE HIM! Screw you, Jesse! SCREW. YOU!" He heard a flap of wings and she disappeared.

He fell to the floor as her power left him and he sighed. Dean walked over and held a hand out for him. "It that time of the month for her or what?" Dean wanted to know.

"I guess? Damn. I don't know, man. She's stressed because of the prom and the play and the gig at the diner and all the work she's doing here and…"

"Do we need to lay off of her? Ryan and I are already taking turns with the meals and the household chores because her and Kris are so busy. Should we lay off working her here, too? I told her not to get a damn job."

"She wants the job. And she wants to help here. I think she's just stressing out. Not to mention the fact she and Olivia had a knock-down, drag out fight that almost resulted in punches earlier today over something with that damn prom. Personally, I wouldn't even go to the thing if I didn't know she would probably smite my ass for missing it."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, well, I'd love to say she got all her temper from Ryan, but, well, I don't care if she is ginger, she got a lot of that from me."

"Tell me something I don't know," Jesse growled.

Dean's smile grew before he frowned. "Speaking of annoying emotional outbursts…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm going. I'm going."

"You know where to find her?"

He nodded. "I've got an idea."

"I'd suggest a cup," Sam warned. "And chocolate. Just to be on the safe side."

Dean walked over to the cabinet and grabbed something before he tossed it to Jesse. Jesse looked down at the candy bar he'd caught and smiled. "Just in case," Dean told him.

"Wish me luck," Jesse commented as he disappeared.

He went to their place at the lake, and sure enough, she was there. "Damn you!" she growled as she walked over to him and began hitting him with her fists, not to hurt him, just to vent her frustration.

He let her go for a few moments before he grabbed both her wrists. "You done yet?"

She sighed and the fight left her before the tears started. That caused the clouds overhead to open up and they were soaked to the skin within seconds. "Let it out," he soothed as he hugged her to him. "Let it go."

They stood there a few moments before her sobs turned to hiccups and she looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose, which she wrinkled. "I know. It's fine. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Bad lead?"

"Asshole cop," she replied.

"I get that. But you've gotta control this, Hope. You can't go all bad ass seraph on every person that doesn't give you what you want. That's no better than a toddler with a tantrum."

She sighed again. "I know. I'm sorry."

"At least the bunker survived."

She chuckled. "I guess so."

"You ready to go back now, or…?"

"Kiss me a little while? Please?"

He smiled again. "How can I resist a plea from one of God's own angels?" His lips descended to hers and she fought for dominance. He felt her hands moving, squeezing his shoulders, his arms, his waist. It was when they started to sink lower, he pulled away. "No."

"You're such a prude!" she shouted, fire back in her eyes.

He shot her a look. "Don't start that shit with me, Hope. You WILL NOT win."

"Most guys would be more than happy when their girlfriend wants to have sex with them!"

"Come on, Hope, don't do this. You and I both know what a dangerous game we're playing. Hell, we don't even know WHAT will happen when we finally…"

"Is that what this is about?!"

"Yeah, Hope, it is! Use your damn head for once! What if we break the world or something?!"

"By having SEX?!"

He groaned and put his head in his hands. Why was his life so damn complicated? "Stranger things have happened to the people in your family, sweetheart."

She let out a frustrated growl and stomped off.

He didn't go to her, not yet, but he held out his hands in exasperation. "You know I want to, Hope, I'm just scared, alright? And then, I mean, what if…what if you got pregnant or something?"

"It's called 'prophylactics', dumbass. And besides, that's not going to happen."

"That you know of."

She turned toward him. "It can't, okay? You think I wouldn't want…" A sob caught in her throat.

That was when he realized, "You want that, don't you? You want the _whole _human experience. You want to _be _human, don't you?"

"Yes, okay! I do! But I can't, so, I'll just suffer through what I _can_ until I have to quit pretending and become an angel again."

He went to her and grabbed her as her sobs began anew. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't…who else knows you feel this way?"

"No one," she whispered.

He sighed. He knew the prophecies. She was slated to go rule Heaven, Bobby was to go to Purgatory, and Jon would go to Hell. It was how the world would balance out and go back to squared away. "Can't you talk to someone?"

"Who? Who can I talk to? I'll just be reminded how it's my duty…" she took a stuttering breath. "Come on, we've got to get back."

"But, Hope, if you don't want this…"

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"But free will…"

"Free will only applies to humans, Jesse," she told him sadly. "And no matter what, the fact remains, I'm an angel. We blindly serve. It's what we do."

"Cas didn't. Gabe didn't."

"Gabe did. Gabe _is_. Much better than me, I'm afraid. But that's my job and I'll handle it because it's my responsibility."

"Forever?"

She nodded as one lone tear slipped down her cheek. "Yeah," she whispered. "Forever."

"Well, you can still come down, see me. I'll be a full knight of Hell by then. We can still be together on occasion."

"You think?"

He nodded. "I know so. You got me forever, Hope Deanna Winchester. I don't care if you're an angel, a human, a damn frog, you're mine. Understand?"

She gave him a timid smile. "Yeah. I understand."

He pulled her to him one more time and this time, he didn't hold back the passion as he crashed his lips to hers.

She returned it with vigor and he let her lead them almost to the point of no return before he slowly pulled back. They were both breathing hard, soaked to the skin, and more than a little turned on. "Go on," he whispered roughly. "Go back to the bunker. Take a warm shower. Change clothes."

"What about you?"

He cast his face heavenward a moment. "I think I need to cool down. This cold rain is almost as effective as a cold shower."

She giggled, pressed a tiny kiss to his lips, then disappeared.

He blew out a breath. Being in love with an angel was complicated, but oh so worth it.

* * *

**March 5****th**

"I got this," Ben murmured as he walked over to the bar. "They don't call me 'Lady Killer' for nothing, you know." They were hunting down a lead for a case.

Jesse snorted. "This ought to be good," he murmured as he followed his friend.

Ben sauntered up like he owned the joint. "Hey, I've got a few questions about the murder. Word is you got some answers. That true?"

The witness, who looked about his age, barely old enough to drink, just looked at Ben like he was something nasty on the bottom of her boot. "Depends. Who's asking?"

Ben shot her a smile. "Me."

She knocked back a shot. "Me, huh?" She stood and turned to him. She put a finger to her chin, and pretended to think. "Hmmm. Nope. Never heard of him." She leaned into Ben and said in a voice barely over a whisper, but Jesse's sensitive ears picked it up anyway, "Wanna know what I really think?"

"Yeah," Ben breathed out with a dumbstruck look on his face.

"Rumor is, the guy's a COMPLETE douchebag. I'd steer clear if I were you." She took another shot then slammed the glass down on the bar. She shot Jesse a wink. "Cheers," she murmured as she walked away, leaving Ben slack-jawed.

He turned and walked three steps to where Jesse was standing. "Not. A. Word," he commanded.

Jesse's lip quirked. "Okay, Lady Killer."

Sam, who was standing next to him, snorted. "Nice. Jesse, wanna give it a shot, see if you can get some info out of her? She seemed to like you."

Jesse swallowed hard. He was not a ladies man. If Ben struck out, why would he stand a shot?

"Go on," Sam urged. "Find out what she knows."

Jesse swallowed again and walked over to her. She turned. "Gonna give me a shot since Boy Wonder over there struck out?"

Jesse smiled at that. "I just wanted to ask you a few questions. I know, I know, a pretty lady like you gets hit on a lot, but we really are only trying to find out some information. See those guys over there with the Boy Wonder? They're training us."

"For what?"

"FBI," he told her as he pulled out the badge Sam had worked up for him. "We're fresh out of Quantico. They're showing us the ropes. I'd love to have just a few minutes of your time…"

She seemed to contemplate that a minute. "Will you have a drink with me?"

He blew out a breath. "We're not supposed to drink on the job, ma'am."

She smiled. "Come on. One won't hurt, will it?"

He glanced over at them. Sam was urging him on and Dean seemed to be judging him. He needed intel, right? "Sure. One won't hurt."

Three hours later, he made his way back to the motel. "Well, I guess you've taken Dean's training seriously," Sam muttered when he opened his and Dean's room door.

"Yeah, what? Did it take getting her clothes off to get what we needed?" Dean wondered aloud as Jesse walked into the room.

Jesse's eyes grew round as saucers. "No!"

Sam chuckled as he clapped Jesse on the back. "No harm in it, man. I mean, after all, you're young, unattached…" The look of murder in Sam's eyes clued Jesse into the fact he knew about Hope, and Jesse's attachment to her, and he was trying to keep up the front for Dean.

But Jesse had to make sure Sam knew… "Trust me, I didn't, okay. I swear! I just got the info from her. She was about half lit. I drove her home, popped back here. I promise, okay? I don't do that shit. Ben does that shit."

"Hey!"

Jesse shrugged. "It's true. If you're Dean, I'm Sam, feel me?"

Dean smirked. "Every chick you bang ends up dead?"

"Ha, ha, fuck you, asshat," Sam growled. He blew a breath out of his nose and looked at Jesse. "Alright, mini-moose, what'd you find out?"

The information Jesse had obtained led them to be sitting, doing recon at almost midnight. Jesse's cell phone pinged and he smiled as he looked at the text. _I can't wait to show you my prom dress! _came Hope's message. _It's gorgeous. You're going to have kittens when you see it. _

His smile grew. _I hope you can control yourself when you see all this in a tux. _

"Dude. Seriously," Ben muttered. They were staked out, waiting for a monster. With the intel he got from the girl, and the body that looked like it had been used as a chew toy along with missing it's head, led Sam to the conclusion this was a rugaru. Sam and Dean had gone to get them all something to eat. All they were doing was lying in wait.

"What?"

"Pay attention."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "I can multitask. Unlike you."

"Bite me, bitch."

"Jerk," Jesse muttered under his breath as he texted, _got to go. Someone is being a whiney little asshole and wants me to pay attention to him. _

She immediately fired back; _Dad or Ben? _

He snorted. _Pick one. _He sent a kissy face emoji and slid his phone into his pocket. "Better?" he asked his partner.

Ben sighed and looked up at the house again through the binoculars. "I'm bored."

"Just part of the job," Sam muttered as he walked up to the car, making Ben jump.

Jesse laughed under his breath. "Way to pay attention, Braeden."

"Fuck off," Ben snarled.

Dean smiled at the two as he slid into the driver's seat of the impala. "Who needs food?"

"Me," both the boys said.

Dean handed a bag back into the backseat and asked around a French fry, "Any action?"

"No," Ben moped as he pulled out a cheeseburger. "But this beauty is about to make my night oh so much better…"

"Just keep your eyes peeled," Sam instructed as he dove into a turkey burger. "How do we know it's a rugaru?"

"You're the one that told _us _it was a rugaru, Sam." At Sam's pointed look, Ben sighed and rolled his eyes. "We've been drilled, you guys."

"Yeah, and? Humor me."

Ben began explaining the characteristics of a rugaru while Jesse snatched up the binoculars and turned them toward the house as he munched on a handful of fries. He saw a light flip on and watched the guy walk down the stairs. He went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "Uh, guys? I think we're about at show time…"

Dean lifted his own pair of binoculars and exclaimed, "Dude! Well, there goes my appetite…"

Jesse lifted the binoculars to his eyes again and felt bile rising in his throat as he saw the man pull a human head out of the refrigerator and start gnawing on it. "Ugh. Well, at least we know where Mr. Santiago's head went."

"This douchenozzle took it for a midnight snack," Dean muttered as he opened his door. "Alright, let's do this."

Jesse watched as Sam and Dean worked like a unit. It was amazing. He'd always respected both men, but to see them on a hunt, it was fascinating. He was so content on watching the two older men, he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings like he should have been when Ben shouted, "Jess! Behind you!" moments before he was tackled to the ground.

He fought his attacker and felt the wormy skin of a second rugaru they hadn't been aware of. He managed to get it down under him and shouted, "Light it up!' to Ben and managed to get out of the way only seconds before Ben's homemade flamethrower shot out a thick stream of fire.

"You okay?" Dean asked him as Sam hosed the other monster with his own flamethrower.

"Yeah," he panted. "I think so."

"Lemme look at you. Don't want you going back to Ryan damaged. She'd have my head."

"Thanks, I was sloppy…"

Dean shook his head. "Nah, you did good, Jesse. Lemme check you over, alright?"

Jesse allowed Dean to look him over. He had a cut on his arm and a bump forming on the back of his head from where it had slammed the tile floor, but other than that, he was unscathed.

"You'll live. Those will heal themselves, right?"

Jesse nodded. "Good thing about being a half demon, I guess."

Dean pressed his lips together but didn't say anything as he moved over to Sam and they began cleaning up the mess they'd made. Apparently the team was a father/son duo. From what Sam had found, only men carried the genetic mutation for rugaru's. It was something interesting he'd want to read about more.

The ride back to the motel was quiet. "Good job tonight, guys," Sam told them. "Nice teamwork."

"You think we're ready, Sam?" Ben asked, unable to mask the excitement in his voice.

"We'll see," Dean answered. "I think you'll probably need to go on a few more runs with us yet, but, yeah, by summer, you two can take Cherry and hit the road, I'd say."

"Awesome."

Dean let out a yawn. "I'm getting too old for this shit. I'm glad we're passing the torch."

"Yeah, right. Like you don't love the thrill of the hunt," Sam chided.

Dean grinned. "True. But I gotta be honest, I'm eager to get some damn sleep. We'll get a few hours rest and then be ready to head back home, sound good?"

"Yes, sir," Jesse stated softly.

"Yeah, works for me," Ben put in.

"Good." Dean killed the engine, pulled out the key, and stood. "See you boys in the morning. Good job. Really."

Ben was all smiles. "Wanna take these fancy badges and go get a drink?"

Jesse shot him a look. "Seriously?"

"What? It's worth a shot."

"Dean would have our heads, you know that. And I'm rather attached to mind."

"Fine. Party pooper."

The next morning, Jesse woke alone, which was odd. Ben was not much of a morning person. Maybe the hunt in his blood had changed him a little bit. He stood and walked to the bathroom. He no more than shut the bathroom door when he heard the outside door blow open. "Yo! Turner! Quit preening and straightening your hair! We're moving out."

"Give me five, douchbag! I gotta piss."

"Shake it off! Dad's eager to get home." Ben paused. "Of course, I would too, if I had Ryan waiting for me."

That made Jesse open the door and stare at the other boy. "Dude. She's like, your stepmom."

"Yeah, but she's hot. Don't deny that shit, man. You're the one dating her daughter! Hope looks just like her!"

Well, Ben did have a point there… "Shhhh! Don't yell it so damn loud. You know we're keeping Dean on the DL about that."

Ben smirked. "Yeah. Well, I gotta admit, shit with that chick last night was brilliant. I had to talk Sam down this morning. He was fully prepared to come in here and kick your ass for stepping out on his niece. Then I told him you were both still holding onto your scarlet V card, and he relaxed a little bit."

Jesse's jaw ticked. "You done?"

Ben cocked his head to the side in thought a moment. "Yeah. I suppose so."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Fine. Give me five."

"Make it ten," Ben murmured on a yawn as he dropped to his bed. "I'll enjoy the magic fingers."

"You're revolting."

"Why do you constantly act surprised?"

* * *

**March 16****th**

**Dean POV **

Dean glanced at the clock. It was late. Ryan had went to bed about an hour ago because she'd had a headache. Well, with the two monsters, that was no surprise. Krissy would be home any minute, so would Ben. Both had to close their respective jobs for the night. He was glad to see they were working on getting back to good, though it was slow going.

Ben was the first to arrive home. "S'up?" he asked as he nodded his head Dean's direction.

"Not much. Want to watch a rerun of 'Fast and Loud'?"

Ben grinned. "I'd love to take you up on that offer, but I gotta study for a test yet tonight."

"It's already after ten," Dean pointed out.

"Yeah, but if I fail this test, Ryan's gonna have my ass in a sling and I'm kinda attached to my ass."

Dean chortled. He never pushed the kids for decent grades, but Ryan stayed after them to try their hardest and at least pass the classes. "Well, best not to piss off the mama bear."

"Where is she, anyway?"

"Headache."

Ben smirked. "Sure she's not just using that as an excuse not to go to bed with ya, Dad?"

Dean shot him a bitch face. "Ha, ha, ha. Funny, mister. I think she's getting a cold or something. She was sneezing and shit."

"You should have Hope check on her. Maybe do a whammy on her."

They had made it a point not to use Hope's healing powers at the drop of a hat, but if Ryan was getting a cold, it would be nice if Hope could just poof her better. "We'll see."

"See you in the morning," Ben said on a yawn as he started up the steps.

"Don't stay up too late," Dean told him as he turned his attention back to the TV.

Five minutes later, Krissy came in. "Hi, Dean!"

His eyebrow shot up. "You're chipper."

She blushed and he realized why. "What's his name?"

She smiled. "Evan. His name is Evan. He works at the diner with me."

"He a good guy?"

She crossed her arms. "Are you going to drill me?"

Dean held up both hands. "I respect your boundaries, Kris. I really do. And that whole thing that happened a few months ago, well, hell, I didn't handle it exactly like I shoulda I guess, either. But I'm genuinely curious. Is he a nice guy?"

She nodded. "He really is. He's saving up money to help his parents with college. He's already been accepted with a scholarship to Norwich University, so he's just trying to make some extra money in case he doesn't get the ROTC scholarship he's going after."

"ROTC? Impressive."

"He's a good guy. Really. And we both know it's not gonna last, but he's sweet and…" She shrugged. "I don't know, he's kind. And he treats me like a lady, which is kind of refreshing."

Dean smiled. "Good for you, Kris." He saw the girl yawn. "You got to study?"

She shook her head. "No, I got mine done at the diner. Just bedtime for me."

"Alright, well, go on and get to bed. Hope's been up there a while. She turned in not long after Ryan."

She gave him a little salute. "See you in the morning, Dean."

He watched TV for a while longer, and when the clock in the hallway chimed "Unchained Melody" at the midnight hour, he switched off the TV and climbed the stairs. He walked into the bedroom…and heard retching from the bathroom. "Ryan?"

"Ugh," came her response. He hurried into the bathroom to find her sitting next to the toilet. "Stupid stomach bug…"

His eyes widened. "Are you…" That was when she threw up again.

His nose wrinkled even as he walked over to her and patted her back. "Let it out, babe."

When she finished again, she sat back on her heels. "Fuck. I hate throwing up."

"You, ah, you don't think you're pregnant, do you?"

She sent him a look that would have killed a mortal man. Luckily, he considered himself to be about half immortal anyway. He was, after all, on a first name basis with Death. "No. The stomach bug is going around. I'm sure one of the kids brought it home from school. Half of Hope's class was out today with it."

Hope… "Want me to get her, make you better?"

"N-" She pivoted quickly and vomited once more. He stood and grabbed a washcloth, wet it with cool water, and put it on her forehead when she leaned back again. "Give me a few minutes. If it doesn't pass…" she leaned back over the toilet and his mind was made for him. He strode out into the hall and knocked on Hope and Krissy's door.

At Krissy's "Come in," he opened the door and said, "Hope, I need…" he stopped. "Where's Hope?" Her bed looked like it hadn't even been slept in.

Krissy looked up from the book she was reading. "I don't know. She wasn't here when I got here."

His eyes narrowed as he shut the door without explanation and walked to Ben and Jesse's room. "Ben, Jess, you seen…"

Ben looked up from where he was studying at the desk. "Yeah?"

Dean clenched both his fists. "Cas! Castiel, you better have your damn ears on, man."

Cas appeared only a moment later. "Dean? It is late. Is everything…"

"Find Hope. Find her and take me to her. Now."

"Dad…" Ben started.

Dean held up a hand. "Don't. And don't tell me you knew about this."

"About what?" Cas inquired.

"Don't ask questions, just fucking do it, Cas!"

Cas closed his eyes and searched. They popped open only a second later. "Dean…"

Dean clenched his teeth. "Take me to her."

"Ah, I'm not sure…"

"Damn it, Cas. Take me there. Now."

The angel sighed. "As you wish." He clapped a hand on Dean's arm and only a second later, they appeared at the lake.

Dean heard a giggle coming from his left and his eyes narrowed to slits as he stormed that direction. "Dean," Cas began again, but Dean was on a mission. He stalked to the edge of the lake where the blanket was laid out. There were candles around, and there was his daughter. With Jesse. There were still clothes on, but it was all too evident too much had been going on over the clothes for it to be anything innocent. Dean stood a moment, shell-shocked, his mouth hanging open. "Maybe we should…" Cas tried again as Dean crossed his arms and cleared his throat.

The two teenagers pulled apart like they were stuck together with Velcro and looked like they were imitating goldfish.

Just then, all thought left him. His daughter. His baby girl. His ANGEL baby girl. Was about to have SEX with a fucking DEMON. Dean finally began to stammer as he pointed back and forth, "H-how did? When did?" Then his face hardened as he glared at Jesse.

"Dad-" Hope began, but Dean had already crossed the space and pinned Jesse to a tree.

"I let you into my home and this is how you repay me?! BY HELPING YOURSELF TO MY DAUGHTER?!"

"Daddy, STOP! Have you lost your mind?! Nothing happened!"

Dean's eyes remained fixed on Jesse as he yelled, "Hope Deanna, get your ass home! I'll deal with you later!"

"But, Dad!"

Ignoring her, he looked back to Jesse. "Listen to me," He gave the boy's neck a squeeze. "I thought you knew. Did I not make myself perfectly clear?! She's OFF LIMITS. So the question begs to be answered, are you hard of hearing? Or just suicidal?"

Dean felt himself being pushed off Jesse as Hope shouted, "Why are you wigging out about this?! You LIKE Jesse, you said so yourself!"

Not taking his eyes off the demon-boy, Dean stated, "Oh, I like him fine, just not for you, Hope. Just forget about it, cause it ain't happening, not as long as I'm breathing air."

"I can fix that," Hope growled through clenched teeth. Dean didn't even rise to the challenge as he glanced at Cas. "Take her home and one of you fix Ryan. She's got some stomach thing. That's how I was clued in to the two missing teenagers at my house." He looked back at Jesse. "You two go on. We'll be fine, won't we, Jess? We're just gonna have a nice little chat.

Cas stammered, "Uh, Dean, I realize I am not a father. My relationship with Claire is...tumultuous at best. However, I do not believe this is the best course of action..."

That got Dean's attention and he glared at his supposed friend. "Some random with a hard-on for Claire comes sniffing around and you're gonna, what...wring your hands over the best course of action?! Take her home, dammit!"

"Whoa!" Hope shouts defensively. "First you show up here half-cocked, then refer to Jesse, the guy mom tracked down and took in as one of her own, 'some random'?! He's one of us, just like Krissy, although it didn't concern you when Ben did his 'sniffing around'! Hell, you all but gave him your damn blessing!"

"Krissy can handle Ben. She's not into him. He's accepting it. Besides, he's just a human. But this…_thing _isn't, Hope! Demon's lie! How do you know he's not after you to destroy everything we're working toward, huh?"

"WHAT!?" Hope cried.

"It…It's not like that, Dean, I swear," Jesse tried to explain. "We should've told you-"

"TOLD ME WHAT?! That you've had your eye on her since you darkened my doorstep?!"

Jesse's eyes were wide. "No! That I LOVE her!"

Those words only fueled Dean's fire. "You WHAT?" He narrowed his eyes and went for Jesse again, shoving him back into the tree, holding onto a fist full of the boy's shirt. "You know what you are, and you know what she is."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?!" Hope cried, but Jesse stood his ground.

"It's alright, Hope," Jesse said calmly as he looked Dean in the eye. "You don't want me around her? Fine. I respect you enough not to fight you on it. But you and I both know, whether you wanna admit it or not, I'm good for her. This is about you not being able to let go. Far be it from me to stop you from having your way, regardless if the cost is her happiness. Although, you oughta know, you grab me like this again without just cause? You better pray you're able to withstand an assload of black smoke."

"I shoulda known better...let a stray in, sooner or later it's gonna bite your hand!"

"That is ENOUGH!" Hope's eyes teared up and glowed blue as she threw Dean across the space. He landed in a patch of sand and pine straw. "How can you SAY that?!" she shrieked. "You have no idea what you're talking about!"

Dean got to his feet. "Think maybe it's because you two have been lying through your damn teeth to me?! If this is all so great, what's to hide?!"

"We weren't hiding anything!" She looked down then and amended her statement. "Well, we WERE..." she looked back up. "But it was only because we knew you'd lose your shit no matter HOW you found out!"

"And THIS how I needed to find out you like dark meat?!"

Hope narrowed her eyes. "Mom was right..."

"Right about what-" Just then, it sank in. "Wait. She KNEW?! SHE KNEW AND KEPT ME IN THE DARK?!"

"Shit," Hope whispered, then smiled nervously. "Sounds like you got shit to hash out with the missus, and look at that, she needs an angel, so I'm just gonna..." with that, she disappeared.

"Goddammit!" Dean shouted, then turned back to Jesse, who was standing with a hurt look. He pointed at the boy. "If you know what's good for you, keep your distance. I didn't get where I am in the community by accident. You come near her again? I'm gonna put you at the top of my 'to-do' list."

Jesse's look turned dangerous as his eyes went black. "You don't scare me."

"I should. I've taken out tougher customers than you."

"No. You haven't," Jesse countered. "But I gotta say, being a cambion and being on my own for so long? I've met my share of lowlifes and narrow-minded assholes, but until now? I never met anyone like you." That was when he took his leave and vanished as well.

"SHIT. FUCK. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!" Dean shouted. He looked at Cas.

"I'm guessing that could have gone much better?"

Dean blew out a breath and sagged somewhat. This was going to be one epic shitstorm. "Fucking hell. Cas, get me home."

The angel winced. "I, uh, I do not believe that is the best course of action."

"Why is that?"

"Because Ryan is currently screaming at me to bring you home."

"Fuck."

"If I were to make a suggestion? Let me take you to the bunker and you drive back home. That should give her a few moments to at least calm down…"

Dean blinked. "Hell, you've learned a lot about inter-human relations, Cas."

"One can not be in any form of relationship with Victoria Allard and not pick up a thing or two about, what is it you call them? Bitch fits?"

Dean cracked a smile at that. "Word of advice? Don't call them that around her, lest we both find our balls in slings."

The angel winced. "So noted." The pained look didn't leave his face. "On second thought, I should get you home immediately."

"Why?"

"Your wife is very agitated and when she is agitated, she gets all the women on her side, and, well, my own self-preservation is kicking in."

"This is about your damn sex life?"

The angel thought a moment before he nodded. "Yes."

Dean huffed out a breath. "Fine."

"We should go now. Ryan is…more than a little bit distressed."

"Yeah?! Well so am I," Dean ground out.

When they arrived back at the house, Ryan was standing on the porch, arms folded and wearing a look that all but screamed premeditation. She took one look at Cas and said, "You've done enough. If you know what's good for you, wings, I'd take my leave." The two men exchanged a look before Cas bowed his head and disappeared.

"Traitor," Dean growled before he turned to his wife.

"You would know, wouldn't you?" she spat. "You call Jesse, OUR adopted son, a 'random with a hard-on'?! What kind of fucked-up, hypocritical nonsense is THAT?!"

"Ryan, I told him-"

"I don't give a shit what he did or what he said. You're the adult AND the parent, so why are you acting like he's competition?"

"Oh, YOU'RE pissed?!" he asked sarcastically. "Everyone in this damn house keeps secrets, but YOU'RE the one who's pissed. Nice."

He went to move past her, but she blocked the doorway with her arm. "You're right about the secrets. I was wrong not to tell you, but I thought it would be better to wait until..."

"Until when? They have their first kid?!"

"No, until you got to know Jesse!" she shouted. "He's a really sweet kid and he's over the moon for Hope..."

"Yeah, I got that when she was spread eagle for him on the fucking blanket he so kindly took out there to deflower her." His brow furrowed. "Seriously?! How can you be okay with this?! You know what he is!"

"Yeah, I do," she responded on a nod. "And case you've forgotten, one of your CHILDREN is too!"

"JESSE AIN'T MY KID!"

Ryan shoved him into the doorframe. "Watch it," she growled. "And what kind of hypocrite ARE you, anyway?"

"I ain't in the mood for one of your lectures, Ry..."

"TOO BAD!" She shook her head. "How can you say he's not yours?"

Dean shrugged. "Because he's not."

"News flash? Neither is Krissy, but you call her your daughter all the time! And guess what? Ben ain't MY kid, but he's here, and I couldn't love him more if I'd given birth to him myself! Since when does blood matter in this house?!"

He leaned in and snarled, "Since my blood decided to go dark side."

Ryan blinked. "Okay, you know what?" She stood in the doorway and shoved him out. "I can't even process that kind of fucked thinking, so until you can say something that makes sense," she waved her hands at him.

"You're not kicking me outta my damn house!"

"Watch me!" she fired back. "Every kid under this roof is a Winchester, blood aside. If you can't come to terms and act accordingly?" She put a hand on her hip. "Then we got a problem. A BIG one."

Dean started to surrender and apologize just to keep the peace. Then, he considered just heading to Sam and Andy's, cooling off and talking things out when emotions weren't so high. Ultimately, he opted for standing his ground. "Yeah," he said pointedly, "We DO have a HUGE problem. Number one? We're supposed to be a team, but you got a bad habit of making decisions about OUR kids without me, which is bad enough. But you gotta take it a step further and decide that not only am I not capable of MAKING a decision, but I don't even warrant being INFORMED!"

"Maybe if you weren't so irrational-"

"Irrational or not, how the hell is that your call?! And how ELSE am I supposed to react?! Maybe if I'd known about Hope's...WHATEVER she's got goin' on with Jesse...I'd have been better prepared to see my daughter with a damn DEMON between her legs!" His anger started spiking again. "If I kept something like this from you, I'd never have to worry about knocking you up again, 'cause you'd be wearin' my nuts around your neck!"

Ryan held her hand out toward him. "LOOK at you! Who can talk to you about anything when THIS is how you behave?!"

Dean fisted his hair and let out a growl of frustration. "I CAN'T WIN!" He turned away and wiped a hand over his mouth and tried to come up with a way to make his point. He turned back to Ryan. "The reason I'm behaving this way? I had NO CLUE about Hope and Jesse until I caught them about to do..." the possibilities made him nauseous. "Doesn't matter. Point is, I had to find out the hard way." He shrugged. "Imagine my goddamn surprise when I found out I was the LAST one to know! AGAIN! You've had plenty of time to condition me for this shit, but decided I'm not important enough to be privy to what is going on with my little girl? OF COURSE I'm gonna flip my shit! You may not know this, but I HATE SURPRISES!" He stood over her and his voice rumbled, "Still, you decide to roll the dice and decide FOR me what's worth knowing. And you have the nerve to be surprised when my reaction isn't accepting?! Maybe I'd be a little more understanding if you wouldn't lie to my damn face!" He shook his head again. "I can't be expected to act like I got my head on straight when I don't know what the hell's goin' on!"

Ryan opened her mouth to respond, but Dean pushed past her. "Forget it." He stopped just inside the doorway, then turned and tacked on, "And I ain't leaving." He pointed at the floor. "This is MY house, I'm a grown ass man, and you don't get to determine whether or not I stay just because I say or do something that's less than popular around here."

He turned to walk away when Ryan growled, "Don't push me, Winchester."

Dean froze in his tracks, then turned toward her. "Or what?" He held his arms out. "You gonna have a go at me? Sick Hope on me? SHOOT me?!" He moved toward her and poked a finger in her face. "Do all three if you want, but you won't get an apology." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and rephrased. "I know I could've handled things better, but it wouldn't be an issue if I'd been made aware to start with." He took a step back and concluded, "Now? I'm goin' to bed. Maybe in the morning we can have a real conversation about this, but I'm stressed, I'm tired, and I just wanna put this damn day behind me."

He managed to make it up the steps before the damn fireball he called his wife stormed after him. "EXCUSE ME?! You are DARING to bitch at me for making a decision FOR you when you are CONSTANTLY DOING THE SAME THING! Shall I name all the times YOU have made decisions FOR people or should I just go get Ben and Sam to be exhibits A and B?! Over and over and OVER again you have decided for everyone else what's right, what's wrong, what's safe, but you can't handle me doing it for you?! Well FUCK YOU, buddy! You can take this sanctimonious attitude and shove it UP YOUR ASS!"

"Do you know what they were about to DO, Ryan?!"

"Be teenagers, Dean? Come on! You know what you were doing at that age!"

"That's my point!"

Her hands went up in frustration as she rolled her head. "Oh come on! Hope has known about birth control since she was eight years old! She knows how not to be an idiot!"

"Are you sure?! Cuz it sure looked like some damn stupid mistakes were about to take place!"

"It's HER LIFE, DEAN! If it's a mistake, which I don't think it is, it's HERS TO MAKE! So go fuck yourself and let her live her damn life!"

He narrowed his eyes. "First of all? Yeah, I made mistakes. When does the statute of limitations run out, or do you get to hold that over me rest of my damn life?! You got mistakes of your own under your belt, keeping these damn kids from me probably being the biggest, but when's the last time you had to hear about it?" He thought and added, "And fuck ME?! You may not think what Hope's doing is a mistake, and as her mother, you are certainly entitled to your opinion." He raised his voice. "Well, guess what? I'M her father, and like it or not, I'M EQUALLY ENTITLED TO MINE! But no! All I get is you telling me to fuck myself! You might be comfortable with the notion of her having sex, but I can't get behind it just yet. So if I need a goddamn minute to adjust, would it kill you to give me an inch of space instead of shoving it down my throat? Maybe you oughta shove YOUR attitude!" He held his hands up at her glare. "Look...I love ya, Peaches. But you got a stubborn streak that makes me question my damn sanity! We ARE different, and I think BOTH of us should be able to have an opinion without it turning into...THIS! For ONCE, can I be talked TO instead of being talked AT?!"

Some of the fight left her. "I NEVER said you weren't entitled to your opinion, Dean! But you can't say that shit about Jesse just because he's half something he had no control over! He can't control it any more than Jon can control the fact you and I conceived him while The Mark was turning you into a demon." She ran a hand through her hair. "My god, Dean, Jesse's mother was raped! You think that doesn't resonate with me?!"

"I KNOW it does, Ryan! But I just...Hope is a little girl!"

"Just because her vessel was created a few short years ago doesn't mean she's a little girl, Dean! You can't give the kids a double standard. I agreed with how you handled Krissy and that boy a few months ago, but this isn't your decision. They only have a few months left and they'll all be gone. Can you ATTEMPT some civility?! Do you really want Hope to hate you the last couple of months she lives here?"

"I want to be her FATHER not her FRIEND!"

"We can't parent her like we do the boys, Dean! It doesn't work that way, sugar!"

"Well, it's the way I'm gonna work it!"

They stared at one another a few moments.

"We aren't going to get past this one, are we?" she whispered.

He crossed his arms. "I don't see how we can."

He hung his head and sighed, then dragged a hand through his hair. "Dammit," he said softly, "I don't want Hope to hate me, and I sure as hell don't want this coming between me and you." Fixing his gaze on the wall he stated tiredly, "What I said to Jesse...I was angry. Of course I didn't mean it." He looked at Ryan and promised, "I'll sit them both down and apologize. FOR THAT. But I'm not gonna apologize to her for reacting normally to finding out they'd been hiding this from me." He sighed and looked defeated. "But you're right, I know you are. I can't help it though, Ry...angel or not, she's my CHILD. I can't pretend not to care."

"Then don't. Talk to her and TELL her that. But you can't just react and expect her to fall in line. She's too much like you. Hell, in this instance, she's too much like SAM. She's not a good little soldier, Dean, and you are not your father. You know her. She'll put her blinders on, dig her heels in, and heaven itself won't budge her."

"So what, I just have to fall in line behind HER?!" He wasn't going to be his father, but she had to at least respect him enough to tell him the damn truth and accept the fact he was upset with her.

"No, just tell her what's expected, set some boundaries...she's strong-willed and independent, but she's also respectful, especially when she's...how'd you put it? Talked TO, not talked AT? But barking orders and making threats? Sure fire way to shut her down."

He nodded, then extended his hand to her. "What about you? We good?"

She eyed his hand a moment. "What you said hurt, Dean. I love Jesse as much as if he were my own. I don't expect you to feel that way. Hell, it was noticeable you haven't from the get-go. But that does not allow you to talk shit about him because you're angry. How would you feel if I talked shit about Ben because he's your bastard?"

The comment shocked him and he felt sure it showed on his face. She nodded. "See? It hurts. Of course I don't feel that way. I love Ben. So much. I was honored when Lisa gave him to us to raise in her stead. But you can't say my love for Jesse means less because he's not blood to one of us."

"That doesn't answer my question," he all but whispered.

She sighed. "I'm not happy with how you handled this, however, I will also admit I should have sat you down and told you about their budding romance. I knew it was wrong to lie about it when I did it. So, yeah, if you forgive me, then I forgive you and we're good. But if you try any of this shit again..." She shook her head. "You can hate Jesse for dating our daughter. You can hold him to such a high standard, he'd need damn wings to achieve it, but you can NOT belittle who he is. That is out of his control. So take that racism or whatever you want to call it, and lock it up."

He nodded. "Understandable."

She walked to him then and wrapped her arms around his waist as he put his head in hers and kissed her hair. "This was a bad one," he murmured against her temple.

She squeezed him harder. "We've had worse."

He snorted. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. But it's not just me you gotta apologize to, Dean."

He sucked in a breath. "I know, I'm going."

"Good. Don't be what comes between them. Jesse has enough self-doubt as it is. Don't make it worse. If they break up because if this, she will hate you."

"If they break up because of her stupid, over reacting father, they weren't meant to be together."

"It could happen, Dean. They're both fairly self-sacrificing."

"Sounds like two other people I know."

She smiled up at him and pressed her lips to his. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too. Thank you."

She looked up at him. "For what?"

"Being strong enough to be my other half."

"Better half," she countered playfully.

He smirked. "Some days. Other days? Not so much."

She nodded. "I'll go along with that."

They stood there in silence a few moments before he said, "So…the kids…"

She groaned. "We'd better handle this now."

"How you wanna play it?"

She looked up at him. "I'll support you, Dean. I'm trying to do that. But this snowballed because you let your emotions run away with you. I had a hand in it, so did the kids, but this…"

"…Is my mess to clean up. I got it." He pulled away from her. "Which one should I start with?"

She wrinkled her nose. "I'd go for Jesse. Hope may be the one you think would be on the side of right, but she's got a temper to beat the band. I've seen her look like a damn demon. I'd go for him first. Then he can help you talk her down."

He blew out another breath. "Why's life so fucking complicated? What happened to ganking monsters?"

"We do that, too. We just evolved into grownups somewhere along the way with baggage out the ass. And now we're dragging our kids through it so they have their own baggage."

"Fun."

"Immensely."

He walked away then and went to Ben and Jesse's room. He knocked on the door instead of barging in like he usually would. When Ben opened the door, it was with a scowl. "I know, I'm a douche. Where is he?"

"Not here. He didn't come home."

Dean's eyes widened. "He didn't?"

"Gee, Dad, he may have thought he wasn't wanted."

"Then where would he be?"

Ben just crossed his arms.

"Look, be a damn unit, I don't care, but I wanna apologize. It was out of line, you know?"

"And?"

Dean thought a moment. "Look, Jess is your best friend, Ben. Is he good enough for your sister?"

Ben looked offended. "No one is good enough for my sister."

Dean couldn't help the smile. "Good point."

"But, yeah, he's one of the good ones, Dad. Honestly, if Hope is like you, Jess reminds me a lot of Ryan. It was wrong to lie to you, but give 'em a chance."

"If this thing goes sideways…"

"She's not exactly like me and you, ya know. Even if she has some similarities? She's like…she's like what you would have been if you'd had a normal childhood."

"Thanks," Dean deadpanned.

"You know what I mean. Hell, we all know why I'm acting out. Mom's death really messed with me, okay? Then all this? The hunting and everything? I've got my own damn issues. But Hope doesn't. And she's going topside before long. Give her a breath to act like a damn human."

"If he screws her over…"

"I'd be more worried about Hope screwing him over. Jesse's good. Jesse's nice, Dad. The fact he's part demon shouldn't be a damn issue."

"It better not be."

"You do realize she can smite him with barely laying a finger on him, right? She's strong, Dad, and growing stronger every damn day. She's already more powerful than Cas. Is that good? Probably not, but there ya go. And you know Hope. She wants something, she gets it. And she wants him."

"I'll watch and wait. But if this goes south, someone's ass is grass."

Ben snorted. "Don't I know it."

Dean remembered Krissy's smiling face when she came in earlier in the evening. "By the way, how you and Kris doing?"

Ben was quiet a moment before he said, "I think that ship sailed. She's barely speaking to me. I think it's best for me to just forget about it, move on. Like you said, I'm not ready anyway, and she doesn't want a fling. Maybe I just need to get her outta my system."

"Be careful, Ben. Make sure you don't flaunt that shit, alright?"

"Duly noted, el capitain."

"Smart ass."

"Takes one to know one."

"Alright. I gotta go find Jesse."

Ben laid a hand on Dean's arm, squeezing it roughly. "And you're not gonna give him shit for this, right?"

"Of course I'm going to give him shit. Hello. Have you met me? But I'll attempt civility. For now. I'll be nice until it's time to not be nice."

Ben groaned. "'Road House'? Really?"

"Swayze always gets a pass, Ben."

He turned to walk away when Ben said, "Try the bunker. He's probably there. He hasn't come back for his stuff, so I guess he's giving it time, seeing if it'll blow over before he decides if he's going to bail or not."

"He wouldn't do that, would he? Run away on Hope?"

Ben sighed. "He knows he's a demon, Dad. He knows she's an angel. If he thought, really thought he wasn't good for her? Damn right, he's bail."

"Self-sacrificing," he whispered under his breath. He had to fix this. If Jesse _did _run away because of him, Hope would _never _forgive him. And he wouldn't forgive himself, either.

He drove over to the bunker and walked in. He saw Jesse sitting on one of the tables, head in his hands. "You know, me and Ryan had sex on that table," he started as a way to break the ice.

Jesse looked up and smiled at that. "I'll make sure to tell Ben, freak him out."

"Yeah, you shoulda seen the reaction Sam had."

That made Jesse's smile grow before he seemed to realize who he was talking to and a scowl took its place.

Dean wiped his hand across his mouth in a nervous gesture and then clasped his hands together. "So, look…"

"No," Jesse stated as he stood. "Man, what do think I'm gonna do? You know me. I'm not looking for a one-and-done here. A 'one' may not even be in the cards. Hope and me...we're literally night and day. I know that...but if being her friend is the best I can hope for, I'd settle for it. After all, it's better than nothing." He glares. "But those ego-inflated jocks you DO allow her to go out with? THEY'RE the ones with a pant-busting agenda, not me. If you only knew how they talk about her..."

Dean just looked at him. "I get it, Jess. I really do. I see what you're saying. But those dumb jocks? The dickwads she's dated in the past? They can't hurt her. They're fly by nighters. She'll have her fun with them and be done. They're human. And she...isn't. But you? You can hurt her, man. Really hurt her. You'll live forever, just like her. And I can't take the risk of her walkin' around with that kinda heartache the rest of her days."

Jesse huffs, "So, you'd rather her give herself to a handful of guys who reinforce she's only worth what she can DO for them? And that's better than her experiencing something REAL?! Think about all the tail you've chased in your day. Would you rather have that again, or spend the rest of your life with your memories of the tangible love you experienced with Ryan? Sorry, but your logic's fucked." He shook his head. "Angel or not, eventually she'll have completely spent herself in some asshole's backseat. Where will your concern for her heart be THEN?!"

Dean's mouth fell open. "That's not...she's not...she hasn't..."

Jesse sighed. "Not yet, Dean, but come on. Face facts. She's still a hormonal teenager. Hell, look at Cas and Tory. That angel's the biggest hound dog I've met all because some HUMAN twisted his arm. Newsflash: that could be Hope. And I know you don't want that shit for her. Am I in love with her? Hell fucking yes. Does it make a damn bit of difference to you? Nope, because all you see is my damn lack of pedigree."

"Jesse, I…"

"And what about all your bullshit lip service to love being worth fighting for? That even if it hurts, it's worth it? Or does that only apply to flesh-and-blood Winchesters? Cause you sure ain't had this problem with Ben and Krissy." He shook his head. "I know you're championing for Ben. I get it. Ben's awesome. But maybe he's not good enough for Krissy. You ever think of that? Maybe Ben _isn't _what she needs. And you know what? Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Maybe if I treated Hope like a piece of meat you'd give me a shot. Sorry to disappoint, Dean, but I'm a good guy. And I love your daughter. And her heart is ALL I want. She can keep her virtue."

Dean looked at the boy in a new light. "You..." He shakes his head. "You better not be bullshitting me on this."

"I'm not. I swear."

Dean appraised him. "I didn't know a demon could love." He didn't say it to be hurtful, just as a matter of fact.

Jesse just looked at him like he'd grown an extra head. "After you see how I am with Ryan. With Jon. With Bobby. You doubt I love?"

Dean shook his head again. "No. I didn't..." he started to backpedal.

"Yeah. Ya did. But that's okay. I honestly don't give a shit what you think 'bout me. Hope's opinion is all that matters. So you can go fuck yourself for all I care."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "What did you just say to me?

That sarcastic teenage attitude came out of the boy. "Oh, I offended you? Good. 'Cause I mean it. All the shit you've done...and how you've been fortunate enough to be given all you have in spite of it...yet you still have the nerve to decide who deserves happiness and who doesn't? Far as I'm concerned, you're not a credible source."

The boy shrugged. "So I'm half demon. Is that the problem? So were you, so they say. And so is your youngest. You wanna deny him love because he's got black eyes? You're a fucking hypocrite. And right now? I can't even stand the sight of you." He started to poof out of sight, but Dean grabbed him and they were both transported.

Dean fought the nausea rolling through him as he looked at Jesse. Demon air was a bit different than flying in tandem with an angel. "You wanna hate me? Fight this out? I'll give you the green light for either, or both...but we need to talk this out back home, 'cause Ryan..."

"THAT'S what all this has really been about, hasn't it?! You fucked yourself with Hope, then with Ryan, and I'm the magic wand that's supposed to reverse it all. Well..." He grabbed Dean by the arm and they teleported back to the front yard of the house. "...I'm not bailing you out," Jesse growled. "You meddle in everyone else's business and when things go sideways THEY have to clean up your mess. Not this time. I'm not good enough for your daughter, you obviously tolerate me for Ryan's sake...until you need me to get you out of the doghouse. Sorry, Dean, not doing it. If you can't give me the benefit of the doubt, I'm sure not extending you any damn courtesies. Get in there and take your ass-chewing like a man." He disappeared again.

Dean looked up at the house like a man going to the gallows. "Fuck!" he screamed into the night. He walked inside and wasn't surprised to find Ryan consoling Hope on the sofa, Krissy standing by as well. "I'm a fuckup," he said in way of greeting.

"Tell me something I don't know," Hope growled.

He sighed and looked at their daughter. He would excuse the tone because he had acted like a douche, but that was the only reason. "It doesn't matter how hard I try, I screw this up, Hope."

She blew out a breath and sighed as she stood. "Just give me one reason, Daddy. Just one."

He looked down at his boots before his gaze traveled back to her. "You know what? Let's take this one step at a time. Old prejudices die hard. He's a demon. You're an angel, kid. You're different species."

"So? Cas is an angel and Tory's a human. You don't care about that."

"You're sworn enemies," he reminded her.

"My brother, who I love dearly, is half demon. When are you going to accept the fact that this shit doesn't matter? Hell, Bobby's part vampire, Dad! None of that shit matters! You work with Garth and he's a werewolf! None. Of. It. Matters. I can't have kids, Dad. I won't have anything normal. And one day I'll have to take a formal trip up north. And stay there. So...can't you accept the fact I want to have a few damn moments of happiness, of a human relationship, as long as I can?

"That's the point! He's not human!"

"Newsflash, dumbass! Neither am I!"

They stood there panting, glaring at one another before Dean sighed. "It's not him. And it's not you. It's the fact of you are what you are."

"And neither of us care. Please, Daddy. I don't need your blessing for this, but damn it, I'd like it."

Dean sighed anew. "Now we move on to part two. Do you think I liked seeing you like that? You may not be a child anymore. Fine. I'll accept that. But you're _my _child. You're my little girl, Hope. I missed out on so much and this…this is the one thing I wish I _had _missed out on!"

She swallowed. "We weren't going to…neither of us are ready for that step, Dad."

"You know, it's been a while, but I _do _remember what it's like to be a hormonal teenager, Hope. How else did I talk my way into so damn many beds? Come on, you're smart enough to know emotions run high and when you're…when you're approaching that line, it's so easy to cross it."

Her eyes widened. "Wow. We're going there."

"Damn it, Hope, don't joke about it, okay?"

"Look, I might have sex. So? I do. If I do, it'll be my decision. If anything, you should worry about _his _virtue because I'm trying to steal it at every damn turn!"

Dean winced and he could have sworn he heard Ryan chuckle.

This time, Hope sighed. "But we aren't there yet and even if we do end up going there, it'll be a joint decision."

"He said he loves you."

She smiled. "Yeah. He does."

"Is the feeling mutual?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah," she breathed. "It is."

He closed his eyes at the onslaught of emotions. She was grown. There was no turning back from this. He missed it. He blinked, almost literally, and she was grown. "Fine. But if he hurts you…"

She gave him a hint of an evil smile. "…Then I'll smite his ass. Never forget, I'm not your basic kid, Dad. I'm stronger than him. He's only half demon. Even without all my mojo, I'm still twice as strong as him."

"Are we okay?" Dean asked tentatively, cursing the fact he'd had to ask that to two of his girls in one night.

She thought a moment. "Yeah. I guess so. You're my dad. And you're a Winchester, too. If you weren't worried about me, I'd think there's something wrong with you."

He chortled under his breath.

That was when Ryan asked, "Where's Jesse?"

"I tried, Ry..."

"I'm sure...Hope," she looked at their daughter, "Let's go bring him home." She looked at Dean in a way that left no doubt she meant business. "I'm getting my son back, and then we're re-establishing the definition of 'unconditional love'. It applies to EVERYONE under my roof, not just those born or bound to the Winchester name."

He nodded. He knew the shit he'd said to Jesse wasn't right. But what he told Hope was true. Old prejudices did die hard, and he'd been trained to hate demons from the get-go, but no more so than when it was a demon that had cursed them to an existence without their mother.

"Call Cas and Tory. Call Sam and Andy. Tell everyone to come over for breakfast," Ryan instructed. "We'll be back by then." Dean hadn't noticed the sun was pinking the sky. It had been a long ass night.

He just nodded as the two disappeared. He glanced at Krissy, who shot him a hopeful smile. "It'll all work out, Dean."

"You sure about that?"

She shrugged. "I'm fairly confident. We've got some stubborn family, but love always shines through, and they both love you a lot."

He smiled. "Thanks for that."

She nodded and yawned. "I don't think any of us are going to have a very good day at school today."

"At least you won't be babysitting Thing One and Thing Two."

She giggled. "I would see if you could convince them to let you nap while they watch TV. That's what P.J. Masks is for."

"I hate that damn show," he muttered.

"Oh, maybe Angry Birds on Netflix? That's annoying, but it's just mostly music. That one might work."

He nodded with a half-smile. "We'll see."

He called over to Cas and Tory's place, told Cas to come over. He called and woke Doc, which was fun, told her to drag Sam's ass over, then he started baking. He had plates of muffins coming out of the oven by the time everyone arrived. "What's up?" Sam asked as he went straight for the coffee.

"Yeah, you were pretty cryptic, Wyatt," Andy commented as she snagged a muffin.

"Yeah, well, I was a dick last night, so, now we have to have a damn family meeting."

Andy had the muffin halfway to her mouth when he said that. She lowered it and asked, wide-eyed, "Damn. It's that bad?"

He winced. "Yeah, I think so."

She let out a low whistle. "Fuck. Glad I didn't screw up."

"Yet," he reminded her.

She thought a moment, then nodded. "True."

That was when Hope, Ryan, and Jesse walked in. Jesse shot him a look that could kill, but then they walked into the living room. Dean sighed. He'd done that a lot over the past few hours. "I think I need to sleep with one eye open tonight."

Andy looked toward the living room then back at him. "What's going on? What did I miss?"

"Apparently the same damn thing I did." He motioned toward the other room. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

Ryan cleared her throat as he sat the plates of muffins on the coffee table. "Okay, so, I called this meeting to say something. Apparently, I can't speak for everyone, but if you've been invited into _my_ home, if you share a place at _my_ dinner table? You're a Winchester. Even if you don't live here. Not because you have a sad backstory or a history with something bearing black eyes or fangs, but because we share a common need...love and family. And once you're in, there's no quitting, no walking away, no one telling you your place isn't with us."

"Here we go," Dean muttered under his breath. Hadn't they hashed this shit out? Did they really need to drag it through the whole damn family?

She glared at Dean as she added, "And I would GLADLY bleed for any and/or all of you. Like a great man taught all of the adults in this room, 'Family don't end in blood.' Another great man said it doesn't end there either, despite his recent brain fart."

Dean groaned. "Ryan..."

She silenced him with a look. He mumbled, "Shoulda taken the fucking temperature of the room before I walked in..."

She pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at him, but continued her tirade and added, "Shut it, Dean. You wanna be a dick to the non-human members of this family? I'm gonna step up."

He rolled his eyes. "For God's sake, Ryan, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry?"

"This is MY family meeting," she told him. "You're invited to say your peace after I've said mine." She smirked. "You get to label the people in this house with your fucked up judgements, regardless of the fact that the reason you do is because you've had to bear them yourself...time to take a dose of your own medicine."

Clearly she'd had time to think and decided another fight was in order. "I was just trying..."

She slammed her fist on the coffee table, startling Jon, who was absently playing with his brown monkey next to her. "No!" she screamed. "You don't get to look down on anyone in MY family!"

"Ryan," Jesse stated in that soft spoken voice of his. "It's okay. It's the same damn prejudice I've lived with my whole life."

Dean felt about an inch tall as Ryan crossed to the boy and put her hand on his face. "This is supposed to be your safe haven, Jesse. And SOME of us love you unconditionally. And I will support you in ANYTHING you do. You know your destiny lies with Jon in Hell, but destiny follows free will. If you want to go off and have some time before you do that, or if you never do, I'm with you, one hundred percent."

The boy had tears in his eyes as Hope stood by her mother's side. "No matter what happens between us, I support you, Jesse."

Ben and Krissy did as well.

It was when Sam made to stand, Dean bellowed, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm the sorriest excuse for a human fucking being on the planet. Hope, smite me and be done with it! I screwed up, alright?! I meant what I said, parts of it, at least, but you have to see my side on this." He heaved out a breath. "Yes, I'm judgmental. I'm an asshole, a dickhead, and a jackass, alright? And I have no excuse for saying the things I did to Jesse."

He turned to the boy. "Look, that shit last night? That had to do with how I found you and Hope, not what you are, alright? It may have looked like that, and, yeah, looking back on it, I said it wrong. I realize my views are skewed, alright? But you can't understand how it is for me, either, to have a daughter for no more than a few years and her get taken away from me."

"Daddy," Hope spoke up, "Nobody is…"

He held up a hand. "I'm not saying he is, but in that instant? Yeah, I kinda thought that. Ryan said something to me last night, she told me to quit looking at this as a competition. And she's right. I've had so little time with Hope, and now…" He blew out a breath. "Look, you all know I'm crap at showing how I feel. We've been over this. But you guys will all be leaving us soon and I'm just kinda getting used to you all being here. So, I was wrong and it was wrong. Jess, you're an awesome kid, no lie. You're a great guy. But I feel like I have to look after my little girl and I kinda slipped into 'overprotective jerk' mode." He turned to face Hope. "Hope, I didn't get to do the whole tea party thing with you, I didn't get to calm your fears or kiss your boo boos like I have the boys. I'm doing the only thing I know how. And I suck at it. So...I'm just...I'm sorry, okay?"

You could have heard a pin drop as Dean bared his soul. Then Hope whispered, "That was beautiful, Daddy."

"I'm proud of you Dean," came Ryan's reply, everyone was beaming at him like he'd cured cancer or something.

"Jess?"

The boy looked at him in surprise a moment, then a slow smile graced his face. "That was beautiful. Hold me, Dean. I…I don't think I can be with Hope. I'm in love with you now."

Dean shot him a look before he smiled as well. "Come here, you little jerk," he said as he pulled the boy in for a hug. And he didn't know why he felt surprised, but it was just like hugging Ben. Like the kid was his. And he kinda liked it.

* * *

**March 24****th**

Dean looked at his sister in law. "Thanks for this, And. I'll owe ya."

"For looking after your rugrats while you and Ryan hunt? Nah, we're good. After that blowout over Jesse and Hope? I'd say alone time is warranted."

He winced. They'd gotten past it, but not easily. He was…working on accepting Hope and Jesse's relationship, but it wasn't easy either. Luckily, they weren't flaunting it in his face.

"Move that sexy ass, Winchester," Ryan yelled as she walked out, Jon on her hip. "We're burning daylight and I'm eager to kill something."

He grinned. "God help me, I love that woman."

Andy smiled as she snagged the little boy from Ryan's arms. "Come on, Jonny-boy, we've got Legos to play with."

"Weh-o!"

Dean walked over and kissed the boy's hair. "Be a good boy for Aunt Andy, k?" He bent down to look at Bobby, who was standing by Andy's side. "You too, bub."

"I'm always good, Daddy!" At Dean's raised eyebrow, the boy looked at the ground bashfully. "Sometimes," he amended.

Dean smiled and pulled the kid to him for a hug. "I love ya, bud."

"Love you, too, Daddy."

Dean stood and let Ryan hug the boy before they both walked over to the car. He sat behind the wheel and looked over at her. "You ready?"

She smiled. "Honey, I was born ready."

He chuckled and tore ass out of the driveway. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she dug out the information she and Sam had researched. "I'm thinking it's a vampire, but I won't know for sure until we look at the body. It could be one of those nasty fuckers Sam and I dealt with not too long ago. Fucking ghoulpire shit. Why can't monsters be easy? Why they got to have some sort of weird crap? I swear, they're getting weirder by the day. If I didn't know better, I'd say Gabriel and Eve were concocting new species."

He blinked at that. "What?"

"Of course, they're not. Gabe told me he wasn't going to see Eve until Bobby is old enough to see her, but still…"

"Wait. Hold the phone. What am I missing?"

She just looked at him. "Half the monsters in the world? Gabriel helped Eve create."

"You. Are. Shitting. Me."

She shook her head. "Nope. I'm pretty sure he feels bad about it."

Dean snorted. "Ya think?"

She chuckled under her breath. "Well, he's impulsive. And he'd do anything for the woman he loves. Sounds like someone else I know."

Dean smirked at that. "Kid picked a damn good family to be born into. Who knew the characteristics were already there?"

"It does make you wonder, doesn't it?"

He didn't have a comeback for that. Sometimes he wondered if that whole destiny thing was spot on. Why else did Gabriel really act so much like him? Maybe Ryan was right when she said she was fairly certain that while Dean may have been Michael's perfect vessel, they weren't that much alike.

The drive would take almost twenty hours, so they switched off driving while the other slept. He could have done it in one, but she wanted them both refreshed when they got into town. They stopped off and got a room at the local motel, then started investigating.

He pulled up to the bar sometime later, and looked at it through the windshield. The sun was setting. They could get some answers, but if it was a fang, there was no way they were hitting the nest tonight. "You really want to interrogate the bartender?"

She shot him a look. "You go check out the body, I'll talk to the bartender. I don't want you drinking yet. I've got dirty, dirty things I want to do to you, baby, and I need you sober for it."

He cleared his throat. "Is that a fact?"

She shot him a wink and sashayed her sexy little ass into the bar. He couldn't help it; he watched her go until the door shut behind her then let out a whistle. How was it he was still so damn attracted to her? Wasn't it supposed to fade? Even in the heat of battle or the worst of their arguments, he was so damn sexually attracted to her, it was hard to keep his head in the game because he wanted to just tear her damn clothes off of her. It was the opposite of a problem.

He went to the coroner's office, and, yep, it was just as they had suspected, definitely a fang. There had been a lot of vampire activity lately, he'd noticed, and wondered if the Alpha was getting something started. He didn't know why, it wasn't like there was an apocalypse coming or anything, not that he was aware of, anyway. That one would bear checking into. Maybe they'd just had some rogue loners creating vampire 'families' or something. He'd get Sam on it. As he pulled away from the M.E.'s, he called his brother. "Sammy."

"What, Dean? I'm in the middle of something."

He heard screaming in the background and couldn't hold in the grin. "You're making Jon take a bath, aren't you?"

"Fuck. Yes. I had the bright idea to fix spaghetti for dinner, alright? You could have warned me he uses his powers to get you soaking wet and throw bath toys at your head while you're bathing him." It was silent for a minute before Sam muttered, "Son of a bitch. Andy, you're a genius."

"I know," Dean heard her voice reply.

"So, the kid likes it when you sing to him. That would have been nice to know, Dean."

Dean smirked. "What's the fun in that? You gotta figure shit out for your own. I can't do your damn job for you. You're the one wanting to be a daddy. I'm giving you ample opportunity to learn on monster kids so when you have a human one, you'll be all the more grateful."

"You're an asshat, Dean."

"Tell me something I don't know. Listen, Not that I don't love talkin' about my kids, because, they're fucking awesome, but when you get time, I want to you to start tracking vamp cases we've had lately."

"Why?" Sam's tone was wary.

"I don't know. Something in my gut is telling me we're gonna have a fang issue on our hands. Notice we've been dealing out a lot of vamp cases lately?"

Sam was quiet a moment. "Well, now that you mention it…"

"That damn Alpha is still out there somewhere. I'm worried he's mounting an army. For what? That's the question."

"That…is terrifying."

"I know, right?" Dean sighed as he pulled into the bar. "Look, take your time. We're gonna deal with this tomorrow. No use trying to hunt the damn thing at night. Gonna get Ryan drunk and see what trouble we can get into."

Sam groaned. "Don't get arrested."

"Nah, I only do that shit with Andy."

"Thanks, Dean. Really."

"I do what I can." He punched the 'end' button and slipped his phone in his pocket.

He walked into the bar and found Ryan. At the bar. Giggling and drinking with the bartender. Who Dean wasn't afraid to admit was a damn good looking guy. Sort of had that Jax from Sons of Anarchy thing going on.

He walked up and cleared his throat. "Hey, babe."

She glanced up and smiled. "Dean! This is Cam. Cameron, this is my husband and partner, Dean. Dean, I was telling him we were looking into the deaths and disappearances."

"And enjoying a few drinks, I see."

She shrugged. "Cam's a hell of a bartender. This drink is ahhhhhmazing."

His eyebrow rose. "And you're already buzzed?"

Cam grinned. "Sorry about that. It's rare I find a willing victim to try drinks on. She told me you were coming, so I knew it was okay to give her a few."

"We gotta introduce him to Jim. Those two would cause trouble every damn place with their drink concoctions."

"So did you find out any information, or did you just fawn all over Cam here." Dean looked at the man. "No offense."

Cam smiled. "Trust me, dude, she's safe. She's been waxing poetic about you all damn night. I'm about half in love with you, myself."

Dean couldn't help the grin. "Peaches. You amaze me."

She pulled him close. The smell of the booze on her breath only made him hornier for her. "You're the only one for me, baby, you know that. Cam gave me all the information we need and we can't deal with anything until morning, you know? So…" She ran a fingertip up his chest, "Now, I need you to take me back to our room and do wicked, wicked things with me."

Dean's smirk reappeared. "That one, I can do." He helped her off the stool and nodded in Cam's direction. "Thanks for looking after my girl for me."

"No problem. Take care of her. She's a one in a million."

Dean looked down at her. "Yeah. She really is."

He walked her out to the car, got her into the passenger side, and made his way to the driver's side. He no more than got in and she was all over him. "Damn, peaches…"

"Fuck me, Dean. Here."

His eyebrows shot up. "Not that I mind, but I promised Sam we wouldn't get arrested. Let's take this somewhere private."

"Hurry," she whispered into the skin of his neck as she licked up to his ear. "Before I get myself off and make you watch."

He swallowed hard. He wouldn't mind watching, but he wanted in her pants so bad, he felt like he was going to explode before he touched her. "Ten-four," he muttered as he hauled ass down the road to their motel.

Once there, he once more walked back to her side of the car. He opened the door, hauled her to him, and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. "Fuck," he muttered before he kissed her soundly.

"Bed, couch, just fuck me," she growled as she scratched his back with her fingernails.

"I aim to please," he muttered as he stumbled with her to the door. He got it unlocked, threw the key to the floor, slammed the door shut with his foot, and sat her on the small kitchenette countertop.

It took him only moments to divest her of her jacket and shirt before his hands palmed her breasts through her bra. She reached behind her to unhook it and tossed it across the room. He bent down to take a nipple in his mouth and her head fell back as she sighed out a breath.

He kissed up her neck to her mouth where his tongue began warring with hers for dominance. They battled as she unbuttoned his shirt and pants. He toed off his shoes then kicked his pants off and pulled away.

She looked like a predator as she jumped down from the countertop and stalked toward him as he backed toward the bed. She unfastened her pants and stepping out of them and her underwear as she went. When she was down to just her heels (and thankfully nothing else) she shoved him onto the bed and jumped him.

He couldn't get enough of her and apparently neither could she as they rolled around on the bed, hands and lips everywhere. He finally got her trapped under him, his huge hand holding both her wrists. She had recently gotten better about him restraining her. Not too much, but enough to make it exciting for both of them. Still, he asked, "You okay?"

She looked up at him with unrestrained passion. "I'm great. But I'd be better if you were inside me."

He smirked and lowered his body to hers. Her legs wrapped around him once more and he teased her clit. He enjoyed watching her mounting frustration as he toyed with her using mini-thrusts as his lips began worshiping her chest once more. Finally, when he felt she'd had enough, he slid home and they both sighed in relief.

He let go of her wrists and those perfect hands of hers began moving all over his chest, lightly scratching, up to his hair to tug just slightly, down to play with his nipples, then to her own body where she began squeezing and pinching her own nipples and he growled as he watched her. But when her hand slid between them, he knew she meant business. This was a fast and hard fuck, and he was willing to give her what she needed. But not yet. He snatched her hand and held it in place above her head. "If you can't behave, clearly I'm going to have to handle this."

She let out the sexiest growl and she leaned up to bite his chest.

"Damn it, woman, I'm gonna give you yours. Quit being so impatient."

"I need it," she panted like an addict in need of a fix. "Give me."

He smirked and lowered his head back to her nipple. "Patience, it's a virtue, peaches."

"Fuck virtues. I need to get off."

His eyebrow shot up. He'd have to go back and thank that bartender. Whatever he gave Ryan had been some good shit. That drink was worth whatever she paid for it.

He took his time, despite her growls and whimpers and finally, when he was ready, he drove her over the edge.

As she floated back down, he drove her up and over again. Every time she was almost off the high, he kept her going higher until, finally, he crashed with her.

He turned them so she was half laying on him and she giggled. "My God. Thank you. I've been needing that for hours."

He smiled and kissed her tenderly. "Anything for you, baby. Anything."

* * *

The next morning, he woke to the sound of the shower turning off. Groaning because he missed shower fun time with her, he sat up and smiled as she opened the door wearing a towel on her body and another on her head. "Good morning!" she stated cheerfully.

His eyebrow popped. "How are you not hungover?"

She shrugged. "I didn't drink _that _much."

He shot her a look and she chuckled. "I'm eager to get these bastards. Guess that helped with the hangover."

He shrugged his shoulders and stood, walking naked over to her. He bent to kiss her shoulder as she rummaged around in her duffle bag. "I missed shower time with you."

She pulled away and looked up at him. "Playtime after we kill the monster. I'll go grab breakfast, you shower, then we can figure out where this little shit is hiding. I've got a few good ideas, and Tory forwarded me some info on abandoned buildings." She smiled. "Hunting has gotten much less complicated when we have people working behind the scenes."

He didn't have a comeback for that. She was right. Usually, they went into a hunt knowing what they were dealing with now, and had all the right tools. Also, they'd been getting hurt a lot less, which was nice, because, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he wasn't getting any younger. "Sounds good. You going to get me something good or something healthy?"

She pondered over that a moment. "I guess you'll just have to be surprised."

"Damn," he pouted.

She giggled. "Go shower. I'll be back soon."

"I can sit and watch you dress…"

"You, sir, are a pervert."

"You're the one that married me," he countered.

"And I'm so glad I did," she responded. "But if you watch me dress, then you'll want to touch. And if you want to touch, it'll lead to sex. And if it leads to sex, that'll mean I'll want to clean up. And that will just take way too much time and then they won't be serving breakfast, we'll get a late start to the day, and then we won't get to kill any vampires today. Ergo, you take a shower while I get dressed."

"Party pooper," he muttered as he walked off.

She smacked his ass as he walked away. "But after the vamps are dead? That ass is mine again."

He smiled. "Alright then. I can work with that."

She chuckled and shook her head.

When he got out of the shower, she wasn't back yet, but a text message from her on his phone showed a picture of the most awesome looking cinnamon roll in existence, so he happily began looking through the paperwork on the small table, and when she walked back in the door, he hungrily snagged the bag from her.

"I missed you too. I love you, too," she commented as she carried the two cups of coffee to the table.

"Sorry, I'm just hungry."

"Mmmhmm. Luckily I knew that, so my feelings aren't too hurt." He started pulling stuff out of the bag and she warned him, "You eat my bacon biscuit, there's gonna be hell to pay, Winchester."

He chortled and carefully dealt out their foods, noticing she had also gotten a cinnamon roll. "You splurging this morning?"

"I couldn't resist," she told him. She looked at the table. "You've been researching?"

He shrugged. "Why not? I think I've narrowed down the place they're nesting at."

"Cool," she managed around a huge bite of biscuit.

"Hungry?"

She nodded and swallowed. "I went to this place Cam told me about last night. Oh my God…this is excellent. He was right."

"So glad you netted such valuable information."

She shot him a look. "Thanks to Cam, I was able to narrow down a victim type. The missing are all women. The dead are all men. Some of them were his regulars. All of them unhappy with their lives, which, hey, was probably why they were taking up residence on his barstools anyway."

"We could have found out about that from the police," Dean put in.

She nodded. "Yeah, we could have. But this netted me a juicy little tidbit." She pulled out her phone and handed it to him. "Got a name. I had Tory check it last night as soon as Cam gave it to me. It's a fake name."

"Sometimes people have stuff to hide."

She nodded again. "I agree. But this guy? He's been using a fake birth certificate. And this isn't his first time."

"How do you know?"

"Tor managed to find pictures of the guy."

"I love how none of the Hollywood bullshit is right about vampires."

"Well, beheading them does work…"

"Yeah, well, almost anything, you behead, they're dead," he countered.

"Except those damn ghoulpires."

He chortled. "Ya gotta let that one go, peaches."

She grumbled under her breath, causing him to chuckle. "Alright, alright, they sucked. You and Sam both got your asses handed to you. You fucked up the car. Can't win them all, babe."

"At least the monster is dead," she stated bitterly.

"That's right. Come on. Let's eat, then we can go kill these monsters good and proper. That'll cheer ya up."

She gave him a half smile, then started giggling. "I love you."

"I know. It's a gift."

* * *

They snuck up on the old farmhouse, machete's drawn. The other information they'd found showed it to be a small enough nest, just a few vampires. Dean pulled out his lock picking set and made quick work of the doorknob before they stealthily climbed the stairs to the bedrooms. It was fairly easy pickings. They dispatched three vampires before they walked back down the stairs.

"That was easy."

"Too easy?" Ryan wondered aloud. "Let's check the rest of the house."

He nodded. "You look around up here, I'll check the basement."

She nodded and walked to what looked like an old study while he went toward the kitchen. He found the door to the basement and warily walked down the steps. He was about halfway down when something grabbed his foot and he fell the rest of the way, his machete skittering out of his hand.

He landed with a thud and then the creature was on him, snapping her teeth like she was a crocodile. He managed to throw her off and ran toward his machete when he was shoved against the wall.

"You're so pretty. I might have to keep you as a pet," she cooed.

Dean watched as Ryan slowly came down the stairs and raised her machete.

"Sorry, babe. I'm a one-woman man, and she's about to take your head."

The creature's eyes widened only seconds before her head fell off her body and her grip loosened as she fell to the floor.

"Good timing," he muttered as he rubbed his throat.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm-" just then, he saw another vamp approaching. "Duck!" he shouted as he snagged her machete out of her hand and threw it at the guy. It stuck deep in his chest and pushed him back a step. Dean deftly snapped up his own machete and lopped the guy's head off.

He turned to Ryan and they both sighed out a breath. "Now, let's try that again. You good?"

He nodded and smiled at her. "Yeah. I'm great."

She nodded. "Me too."

With the vampires dispatched, they took their time counting up belongings, making sure they'd gotten all of the monsters, then they headed back to the motel to gather their gear. Once they were in the car, she looked at him. "Can we run by the bar?"

His brow furrowed. "The bar? Why?"

"Because I want to say goodbye to Cam."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just…I feel like I know him."

He thought about that a moment. "Like, know him from another timeline know him?"

Her eyes widened. "I don't know. Maybe?"

They looked at one another. "You and him didn't…?"

She shot him a stony look. "Please. We all know you're the only person I have ever had sex with, Dean. Pretty damn sure it doesn't matter what timeline we're in."

"I don't know…you almost had sex with Sam that time."

This time, a bitch face appeared and he grinned. "Fine. Let's go see your boyfriend before we head out of town."


	55. Down

**Disclaimer. I do not own Supernatural, but I'm so glad Mr. Kripke does. **

**Author's note: Hi everyone! So, it looks like an average chapter is going to take me about two weeks to write due to my schedule for the next few weeks, so I'll try to get another chapter posted sooner than before. I've got SO much story left to tell! Just stick with me. It's all nice and breezy for now, but I've got some serious drama bombs about to go off. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the chapter! **

**P.S. I LOVE hearing from you guys, so feel free to leave me a review. It's the only payment I get for sharing my story with you. Thankies! **

* * *

**Ryan POV **

**March 30****th**

"_I was getting worried about you," he murmured as he turned to face her. _

_She smiled at him. "Sorry. Got held up on a job."_

"_You ever going to tell me about this elusive job of yours?"_

_She thought a moment. There was no way she could tell him about hunting. The monsters of her world didn't need to touch his. "I'm an FBI agent. Sometimes I work undercover. I travel around. I'm based out of South Dakota because I can be and my boss lets me do pretty damn much whatever I want. That's about it." _

_He shrugged. "Well, I guess that's that, then, huh?"_

_She sighed. "Don't be like that. I can't tell you, okay?"_

_He held up a hand. "Two tours in Afghanistan. Plus a ton of other shit I can't talk about. I understand. I just…I wanna know more about you, Ryan."_

_Warning bells went off in her head but she just smiled and saddled up to him. "That's all well and good, but can we do it after we're naked and satisfied?"_

_He leaned down and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I think we can handle that." His lips pressed to hers and she felt the hardness of him pressing into her. She moved her hands across his chest then lower, lower, lower, until…_

"MOMMY!"

She gasped awake.

"Ry? You okay?" Dean asked sleepily only moments before a half demon jumped on her.

She blinked. Had she really been having a sex dream about Cam?! He was just some bartender she'd met _once_ for crying out loud! What was the matter with her?

"Ryan? Babe?"

She blinked again and turned over, bringing Jon with her. "Sure. I'm fine."

"What were you dreaming about? You were moaning."

She felt the blush heat her cheeks. "I'm fine. It was…yeah, I'm good."

He kissed her forehead before he snagged Jon from her. "Come here, boy, let me take you to change your diaper. Is Bobby up?"

"Nooooo," the little boy stated with a mischievous grin.

"Well, you know what that means? We gotta go wake him up!"

"Yay!" Jon shouted as he toddled out of the room. "Ba! Ba! Up! Up!" he was shouting at the top of his lungs.

Dean chuckled. "I'll just…" he snagged his shirt from the top of the hamper. "Deal with that. Go on and shower first and stuff. Clearly we're not having time for any nookie this morning."

She swallowed hard and just nodded. "Sounds good," she managed. She watched him walk out and immediately flipped over to text Tory and Andy; "I need help. I've got a problem. Get rid of your men. Meet you at the diner in an hour." They sometimes met for breakfast as the diner Krissy and Hope worked at. It was nice to have girl time occasionally and the diner was a fairly private place.

She received a thumbs up immediately from Tory and a question mark and a thumbs up from Andy. She got up and showered in record time, got dressed just as quickly, threw her hair up in a sloppy bun, didn't even bother with makeup, and bound down the stairs.

"Where's the fire?" Dean asked from the kitchen. He already had Jon and Bobby both eating breakfast and he was sipping on a cup of coffee. The older kids must have left while she was showering.

"I forgot I was meeting the girls for breakfast this morning." She hated to lie, but it beat the alternative, which was admitting to the fact that last night was the fourth consecutive night she'd dreamed about Cam. And that one had been the tamest by far.

"Okay," he said, buying the fib easily enough. "We'll see you guys at the bunker later."

She smiled, feeling guiltier than ever. "Want me to bring you back a muffin? I bet Mildred made some strawberry strudel ones."

He whimpered. "Don't tease me, babe."

She giggled. "I'll make sure to bring you one."

"Thanks. You're the best," he murmured as she came over to kiss him.

The guilt was eating at her as she gave him a quick peck then turned to do the same to the two boys before she hurried out the door to the Falcon.

Her mind was a whirl of thoughts as she hurried to the diner, and she wasn't surprised to find the other two driving up in Tory's van.

"I told him I forgot about our breakfast," Ryan said in way of greeting.

The other two nodded. "Us too," Andy replied as they walked in together.

They sat in silence and Mildred brought them all cups of coffee. They ordered quickly, and when the octogenarian walked off, Tory asked, "Alright, spill."

Ryan swallowed. "Okay, so…you know Dean and I went on that case last week?"

Andy nodded. "The vamp case. Sam's checking into the number of cases we've had lately."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, great. But, uh…"

"What? Spill. Oh! Did you guys have a threesome?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed at Tory. "No, we didn't. But, uh, this does have to do with sex…"

"Hell yes. Finally going to tell me what it's like to ride that big bull?"

Ryan just looked at her friend in disdain a moment before she turned to Andy. "We met this bartender. Cameron. Hot. Smoking hot. He was so damn good looking, the place should have burnt down around him."

Andy let out a whistle. "Damn. And I fucking gave that case to you."

Ryan smiled at that. "Yeah, well, I wish you'd have taken it."

"Why?"

"Because, since we've been back…I can't…I can't stop thinking about him."

"The bartender?"

"Yes! I can't help it. He's in my thoughts all hours of the day, and at night…" she bit her lip and blushed.

"Oh hell no. You're having sex dreams about him?!" Andy shrieked.

Ryan looked around and said, "Could you say that a little louder? I don't think Sam and Dean heard you all the way at the bunker!"

Andy winced. "Sorry," she lowered her voice and leaned forward a bit. "But seriously? He's that hot?"

"Remember that Sons of Anarchy kick we went on?"

Andy grinned. They had binged watched it when Andy was laid up with a broken leg back in South Dakota, before Hope's powers had fully developed and before Andy knew the truth about the kids. "Yeah."

"Remember how hot Jax is?"

"Yeah."

Ryan nodded and sat back.

"Fucking hell. He looks like Jax? Damn. Remind me why I got married again?"

"I'm not married," Tory put in. "And I bet I could talk Cas into letting me sample the goods."

The two other women looked at her.

"What? Cas is…open to my proclivities."

Ryan shook her head. She wasn't about to get into the other couple's escapades. Whatever worked for them, worked for them. She didn't want to know. "What am I going to do?" she lamented. "I can't…I don't know."

"Maybe…you think you knew him? In another timeline?" Andy pondered aloud.

Ryan's eyes widened. "I did feel like I'd met him before. Actually, I kind of…shamelessly flirted with him."

"Girl! You dog! Tell me more!"

She groaned but couldn't help recalling the meeting…

* * *

_**Flashback **_

_Dean pulled up to the bar and looked at it through the windshield. The sun was setting. They could get some answers, but if it was a vamp, there was no way they were hitting the nest tonight. "You really want to interrogate the bartender?" he asked her._

_She shot him a look before she stood and leaned back into the car. "You go check out the body, I'll talk to the bartender. I don't want you drinking yet. I've got dirty, dirty things I want to do to you, baby, and I need you sober for it."_

_He cleared his throat. "Is that a fact?"_

_Oh yes. She was going to get what information she could, and then the things she would do to Dean would drive him crazy. She couldn't wait. The hunt was in her blood and it was like an aphrodisiac. She shot him a wink and walked into the building._

_She walked over to the bar and sat on a stool. She glanced around. It looked like every other joint she'd ever seen while on a hunt. With Tory and Andy, she'd started going to bars more than when she hunted alone, so she was fairly comfortable as she took in her surroundings. "What'cha have?"_

"_Some information, if you don't mind," she said as she turned to the bartender and stopped short. He was beautiful. She would admit, if only to herself, she looked at men. She couldn't help it. With her sexuality awakened by Dean, she had begun to look even more. She didn't touch, because she really was a one-man woman, but that didn't mean she couldn't appreciate looking at a man and wondering just how good he was in bed. And judging by the alpha male in front of her, she'd be willing to bet, the man was like Dean; a damn sex machine sent to the earth to please as many women as he could. _

_He smiled. "What kind of information, pretty lady?"_

_She blushed, ever so slightly and let out a feminine giggle, causing his grin to grow. She suddenly remembered why she was there and pulled her fake badge. "FBI. I was wondering about the disappearances around here." _

_The smile slipped off his face. "Yeah, that's terrible. Had a couple of my regulars come up missing. I mean, they all had some sad lives, you know? But to just up and disappear? It's weird."_

_She nodded. "That's why we're looking into it. Wondering if this is an isolated case, or if it's a string of attacks connected to some the next state over."_

_He shrugged. "I'll help you however I can, agent. Got mad respect for law enforcement."_

"_Oh? Were you in it?"_

"_Army Ranger."_

_She let out a low whistle. "Wow. I bet you saw some shit."_

"_Like you wouldn't believe. Came out whole. Physically, anyway."_

_She nodded. "Yeah, I get that."_

"_You do time in the army?"_

_She shook her head. "No, I've been at this for a long time, though."_

"_Not too long. You're not old enough to have that much experience."_

_Again, a blush graced the apples of her cheeks. What was wrong with her? She hadn't blushed this much since…ever. "Thanks, but, ah, no. I got a teenager at home."_

"_Not possible."_

_She nodded. "And two little rugrats, too."_

"_Wow. Kids. Always wanted kids. Wasn't in the cards I guess."_

_She looked him up and down. "I don't know…good looking guy like you? I bet you could find a girl that'd have you a few kids just like that." She snapped her fingers. _

_He chortled and leaned closer, "Why, Agent, are you flirting with me?"_

_Was she? Well, it wasn't like it was illegal. Dean did it all the damn time to get information he wanted. And she'd done her fair share before. She leaned closer and said, "Maybe."_

_He smiled. "Well, in that case, let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you everything I know." _

_**End Flashback **_

* * *

"It only got worse from there," she admitted. Ryan put her head on her arms on the table. "I'm going to hell," she told them after Mildred dropped off their plates.

"No doubt. But not for that. Flirting is…flirting. Ain't nothing wrong with that," Andy commented as she cut her pancake. "Hell, I flirted my way out of a speeding ticket yesterday."

"And I flirted my way into getting a discount on the new carpet two days ago," Tory put in. "It's our job as women."

"But…"

"But nothing. You wanna tell Dean? Sure. Go for it. But this is nothing. You're not going to sneak out in the night to go up there and bang Cam, are you?"

She looked at her friend in shock. "NO!" she exclaimed.

Andy shrugged. "Then I wouldn't worry about it. A little case of infatuation won't hurt anybody. Trust me, I know Dean well enough, he's bound to still have dreams about half his conquests. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It just means he's human. So are you. It's not the end of the world, Ryan."

"But…I mean," It wasn't the first time she'd had dreams like that about someone other than Dean. She wouldn't admit the ones she'd had about Sam. She couldn't. Although, the one of her and him in the bunker, her angry at him, him angry right back, had stuck with her more than a few days. "I just can't begin to imagine why…"

"You could always ask the angel that switched the timeline," Tory commented as she scooped up a pile of eggs.

Ryan blinked. She could do that, couldn't she? "You're a genius, Tory."

"I know." The other woman smirked. "Of course, I _live _with an angel, so, it's kinda at the forefront of my thoughts."

"How are things with you guys and Claire? You three kind of stick to yourselves."

Tory beamed. "I love Claire. She's awesome. I mean, seriously. She couldn't be more like me if she was related. It's kinda scary but cool. She respects me and I respect her and I just…" Tory shrugged. "I don't know. I never knew I could be this happy."

Ryan smiled. "Tell me about it. Sex dreams aside, I've never imagined life this good."

"Too good, isn't it?" Andy wondered aloud. "I mean, think something big is coming to take it away from us?"

Ryan thought about that a moment. "Probably. But even if it is? We're ready. And we're all accepting of our fates. Let's just focus on being happy for now. Let it come. We'll welcome it with open arms and 'fuck you' attitudes."

Andy smirked. "That was beautiful Ryan."

"Shut up, you sarcastic whore."

Andy gasped then giggled. "I'm not the one currently fascinating about some random bartender."

"Man, was he hot," Ryan murmured.

"Now I'm really pissed I didn't take that case," Andy muttered.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Ryan decided to give it a shot and call Gabriel. She had brought Jon home for a nap. Dean was working with Bobby on his Latin. It was coming slowly and he was remembering more and more.

She baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies, put a generous amount on a plate, then took them out to the front porch with the baby monitor. "Gabriel, I need your help," Ryan whispered softly into the wintery sunlight.

She didn't have to wait long before she heard a soft, "Mom? What's up?"

She turned to face him. He looked well. Whole. And more like Dean than ever before. Clearly, he was still aging, at least slightly, though he still looked like an older teen or possibly in his early twenties. "Hi," she stated shyly. "Long time no see."

"You needed help? What's wrong? You sick or…?"

She shook her head and bit her lip. "No, uh, I can't…I don't know how to say this other than to just say it." She quickly relayed some of her dreams, leaving out the more…graphic information. When she finished, he looked uncomfortable. "What?" she questioned.

He winced. "Well, uh, yeah…see, the thing is…timelines…"

"No. Do not hand me that, Robert Gabriel Winchester. I've accepted the fact that somehow, some way, what Sam and I had isn't as innocent as it is now. But did…did I do anything with this guy or not?"

She watched as he quickly shoved two cookies in his mouth, then glared at him with her hands on her hips.

"What?! It wonf bmfit you to know at thith point!" he shouted through a stuffed mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes! Oh my God…" she muttered as she put her head in her hand.

He must have sensed her impending meltdown because he swallowed loudly and said, "I didn't say that! Why do you always assume the worst?!"

"Maybe because you always keep me in the dark! You talked me into having Dean's kids, but I didn't get the whole story until it was too late to change my mind!"

"I know, but…" He sighed. "The timelines have to play out how they're gonna play out. If you know what's coming next, you could try to change things with drastic consequences. And if you know the past?" He shook his head. "So, sorry, but in the dark's where I'm keeping you."

"Gabriel…" she warned.

He shot her a look and she saw a hint of that Winchester stubbornness. "I'm not telling and you can't make me," he stated petulantly.

"You're acting like a child," she told him.

"I AM your child," he pointed out.

"Not. The Point." She replied through gritted teeth.

"Look, what happened, happened, alright? I fixed it. Just like I fixed it before. And the time before that. And other times besides. Hell, in one timeline, Dad and Uncle Sam let The Darkness out and she latched onto Dad! Then don't get me started on what she and Jon did..." He shivered then shook his head. "So, trust me, I've seriously seen some shit, Mom. You only remember what I allowed you to. And it's better this way. Trust me. The alternative…" he sighed again. "Well, there's a reason why you guys are kept in the dark. It's a lot, man. A whole lot. And you don't need to be bogged down with that shit."

Her voice was soft as she asked, "Was it that bad?"

He pondered it a second before he said, "Bad enough, once Hope took it upon herself to go back and change it because I was too young."

Ryan's eyes widened. "Hope…"

He shrugged. "She's as much an angel as me, you know. She can change it if she wants, and she did. It was better, but not the best."

She blew out a breath. "To when? When did she go back to?"

"Same as this time. To the time he turned. That's the turning point."

She swallowed hard. "Don't tell me everything, but what happened? Do you know?"

"I remember all the timelines, even the ones I didn't have a part in changing. It's how angels work."

"But what happened?" she implored.

His eyes were sad as he admitted, "You did exactly what I asked. You didn't tell him until it was almost too late."

"Almost? So we did…"

He blew out a breath. "Not for long enough. I really screwed you over. And everyone else, in the process. Hope did it right to go back. She couldn't…she couldn't handle the pain everyone was going through. I'm glad she did, and I'm glad I have. I think this is the one. Everything is working out, everyone is happy…"

She reached out to touch his arm. "We are happy. Thank you."

He smiled, then the grin turned mischievous. "Just wait."

Her eyes narrowed again. "Why?"

He whistled then added, "Spoilers."

She rolled her eyes. "Brat."

He smiled again, then sobered. "Would you have said no?"

"When?"

"If you knew what was coming, all this? Would you have said no to me?"

She blew out a breath. "In this timeline? No. Before? When your dad was a demon? Probably. Any other time? Maybe. And that's a human weakness. No one wants to go through that kind of pain, Gabriel."

"For what it's worth? I really am sorry, Mom. I shouldn't…" he sighed. "It was too much to put on one human, even if she's as kick-ass as they come. No one else would have been strong enough for this."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"But you're okay, right?"

She nodded. "I'm great. I feel great. I'm happy…so happy, Gabriel." She thought a moment. "Is something coming for us?"

"You're a Winchester. Something's always coming for you."

She glared at him with her mouth set. "I mean, anything specific?"

He thought a moment. "I don't know everything that happens. I see glimpses, I see how things are lined up, things that will happen, but as far as knowing definitively what's coming? No."

Changing tack, she asked, "How are you, baby? How are you feeling with The Mark?"

His hand went to his arm where the cursed mark lay. "I'm good. And damn, am I glad I have this. I had no idea what evil it holds." He paused. "Evil…isn't the word. Chaos is. And that says something because, hello, God of Mischief here, but seriously…this thing can mess up some stuff."

"I'm proud of you, ya know? In case I haven't told you enough. He and I both are."

He smiled at that. "I know. And you have no idea how much it means to hear it, to know I'm doing the right thing. It's…amazing, actually."

"Are you okay, though? Everyone in Hell being nice to you?"

He snorted. "Hell is Hell, Mom. Being the boss doesn't change that. But, uh, it's interesting. Crowley's a conniving little bitch. He may be up to something."

"Sam and Dean never seemed worried about him."

"Not the version they knew. This one? The one that's been usurped by a teenage angel with Winchester blood? Oh, he's pissed."

"Is he going to cause trouble?"

"Maybe," he answered honestly. "You guys watch your backs, just in case, alright?"

She nodded. "We will."

Just then, someone, or some_thing _popped up on the lawn. "Boss."

He sighed. "What, Meg?"

Ryan blinked. "Meg?"

The demon flickered black eyes at her and smiled. "Well, well, well, can I finally meet the awesome woman that tamed Dean Winchester?"

Ryan eyed the demon warily, but walked down the steps to shake her hand. "Ryan."

"I know. Gabe here talks a lot about you. So does Cas. They won't let me come over, though, just watch from the street like some kind of pervert."

"Meg…" Gabriel warned.

She held up a hand. "Okay, okay, I get it."

"Did you have something you needed?" he inquired.

"Yeah. I got a lead on the red headed whore."

"Yessss," he hissed. "Gotta go, Mom. This may be what we need."

Before he could leave, Ryan grabbed his arm. "Rowena? Is she talking about Rowena?"

He nodded. "I've got a score to settle with her."

"Be careful. You said she's powerful. Don't think because she's just a human she can't best you. Remember your training."

He smiled. "I got it." He kissed her cheek. "Love ya." With that, he disappeared in a flap of wings.

Ryan looked out at the yard where Meg was still standing. "Hey, Meg?"

The demon paused. "Yeah?"

Ryan smiled. "Come by sometime. I'm sure Sam and Dean would like to see you. They still owe you, after all."

Meg smiled. "Thanks. I may take you up on that offer one day." She popped out of sight on a blink and Ryan was once more left by herself.

"Be safe, Gabriel," she whispered.

* * *

Later that night, after dinner, and after they had gotten the boys in bed, they were watching a movie with Sam and Andy in the living room. Krissy had just walked in the door from work, Hope hot on her heels, when all of a sudden, Gabriel appeared, bloodied and beaten. "Gabriel!" Ryan cried as she dashed over to him.

"''M fine," he mumbled through a swollen mouth.

Ryan directed him to a chair and demanded, "Who did this to you?"

"Rowena," he panted.

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Where is she?! I'll take care of that devil worshipping trash sack."

Dean's eyebrow popped. "You been playing video games with the guys?"

She shook her head. "No. But I've heard the insults slung around."

Gabriel chuckled then winced in pain. "Nice."

"Gabriel…what happened?" Hope wanted to know.

"She was-" he wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. "She was ready for us." His jaw set. "Damn it. I've got a mole."

Sam just looked at him. "What?"

His jaw ticked. "Someone told that witchy bitch what I was planning."

"Is everyone okay?" Ryan asked.

He nodded. "Meg and Bela came out of it okay with me. I got a few others that didn't fare so well, but for the most part, yeah."

"Not that I'm not glad to see you," Dean began, "But why'd you come here?"

Gabriel turned to Dean. "If she knew about my plans to attack, she might know more. I want you guys on high alert for a while, alright?"

Ryan nodded. "What about you?"

"I'll be fine. Just patch me up. I don't…I'm a little weak. She did some kind of spell. I'm lucky. She didn't manage to hit me with this one she got one of my lieutenants with. It's called an attack dog spell."

"I've read about them," Krissy stated. "It's a wicked, nasty little spell. The person you inflict it on is your personal attack dog until it uses the person up and they drop dead." Her eyes widened. "Rowena. You're after THE Rowena?"

"You've heard of her?" Andy questioned.

She nodded. "I've been researching witchcraft, you know. I've found out a lot." She shot Hope a side glance. "I've heard a lot through the grapevine, too."

Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Hope?"

"I…I'm remember things about Rowena. I think I've…dabbled with her before."

Dean's mouth set in a hard line. "Dabbled or diddled?"

"Maybe both?" she asked on a wince.

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes skyward. "God help us," he muttered under his breath.

Hope shrugged.

"Wow," Andy muttered. "I love the Winchester's devotion to the phrase 'fuck it, kill it, or piss on it and walk away'."

Ryan snorted. "It runs in the family I guess."

Dean turned to Krissy. "Okay, so, I don't imagine you've been dabbling in witchcraft for nothin', so, wanna go drop a house on one or what?"

Krissy grinned. "Alrighty then. Let's do it."

"No," Ryan growled. "If anyone is going, it's me. This bitch is toast. She just poked the wrong Mama Bear."

Dean appraised her for a moment. She shot him a look. "If you think I'm going to let her get away with this, you seriously don't understand my commitment to my kids."

"Me too," Andy spoke up. When everyone turned to look at her, she shrugged. "What? He's grown-up Bobby, right? Well, you don't piss off an angry aunt, either."

Dean seemed to realize Hell itself couldn't move his wife and stood back, hands up. "Smoke this bitch for me, okay?"

Ryan smiled. "With pleasure."

"Guys!" Gabriel shouted. He sighed. "Look, not that I don't appreciate it, but if a squadron of demons and and archangel couldn't waste this whore, what makes you think a group of humans can?"

Sam's brow furrowed. "Have you met us? We're the Winchesters."

That got a smile out of Gabriel. "Yeah, you are. I'll give you that. But don't…not yet. Let me regroup, rethink this thing."

"Gabe, not that we don't love ya, but you just might need help with this one," Dean told him.

Gabriel nodded. "I probably will. And when I do? I'll come knocking on your door, I promise. I just wanted to warn you. This isn't something to screw with. Stay safe. She might try to come after you to hurt me."

"If she does, we'll be ready." Andy said.

"Hell yeah," Dean crowed. "Let her come."

Ryan nodded. "We'll keep the home fires burning until you call us." She glared at the angel. "But I mean it; you'd better call me. Because I can find my way down to Hell to kick your ass, Gabriel."

He smiled. "I knew ya loved me." He stood. "Hope, if you don't mind?"

She nodded and touched him, healing him. "Your powers are growing," he commented when she'd finished and he looked back to normal.

She nodded again. "Yeah, they are."

"Thanks, guys. I'll be back. Just, let me get some ducks in a row, alright?"

"Stay safe," Ryan told him as she came over to hug him. "We can't lose you."

He hugged her tightly before he pulled back and smirked. "You kidding? You can't kill me. Didn't my bout with Lucifer teach you anything?"

Ryan shivered despite herself. "Let's not talk about that…thing."

Gabriel smiled. "You do realize he's still my brother, right?"

"Not to me," she told him in a small voice. "Your brother is upstairs asleep. Remember where your loyalties lie, Gabriel."

He inclined his head. "Don't worry, Mom. I remember."

She searched his eyes a moment, and finding nothing but the truth in them, nodded. "Good. Stay safe. Come back soon."

"I'll do what I can," he told her. He gave Sam and Dean both a masculine handshake, gave Hope and Krissy each a hug, whispering something in Krissy's ear no one else seemed to catch, and gave Andy one as well. He stepped back and flashed them all a peace sign. "Peace out, bitches," before he disappeared.

Ryan chortled. "Note to self; don't let Bobby hang out with Aunt Charlie too much."

Dean snorted. "That ship already sailed, Ry."

* * *

**April 1****st**

Two days later, Ryan was fixing the boys some lunch in the kitchen. She had decided to stay home with them and give them a break from the bunker for the day when she heard the flap of wings. She chanced a glance in the living room to see Cas approaching Jon, who was sitting on the floor watching television. The boy must have felt a presence behind him because he let out a little shiver. Jon turned and pointed to the screen. "Thethame Thweet!"

Cas tilted his head and watched a moment. "Oh, yes…" He took a seat next to Jon on the floor. "This is the program about the puppets that live in the barrio. Very entertaining."

"Dude. You're weird, Unca Cas," Bobby said as he walked in from the bathroom.

"So your father says," he replied.

Ryan chortled from where she had propped herself up on the doorjamb. "Cas? Did you need something?"

The angel nodded. "Yes. I have…a delicate situation."

Her eyebrow popped. "Is that so?"

He nodded. "Yes. May I speak with you?"

"Me? Not Dean?"

He nodded. "Yes. You have, I do believe, more experience with girls, raising them, that is."

She inclined her head. "Follow me to the kitchen. Boys, the Spaghetti-O's will be ready in a few minutes."

"Yay!" they both cried.

She smiled as she led the angel into the kitchen. "So? What's up?"

"Claire. She is…" he sighed. "I am not sure I am doing the right thing."

"With what?" Ryan asked as she walked back to check the bread browning in the oven. The boys liked garlic toast with their Spaghetti-O's. She didn't blame them. Spaghetti-O's were nasty. She'd gotten sick from the smell alone when she was pregnant with Bobby and couldn't bring herself to eat them ever again. The boys, however, had their father's taste buds and loved them.

"I have heard her talking somewhat with Krissy and Hope about the prom but when I ask her questions, she either avoids the question, or manages to change the subject." His eyes searched hers. "How should I approach this?"

She thought a moment as she pulled the pan out of the oven. "First off, have you talked to Tory about this?"

He nodded. "Yes. She seems confident it is just a phase, or perhaps the girl is upset because she has not been asked to go. But if that is the case, perhaps I should step in and..."

"NO!" Ryan exclaimed. "Rule one with teenage girls? Do NOT fight their fights for them unless they are unable to fight them. Trust me. With Hope and Kris in her corner? You have nothing to worry about at that school. And as far as not talking to you, well, Cas, you still have to give her some leeway. It's not like you can step in there and be super-dad all of a sudden. You've not been there. No offense, but you're no more than a weird relative she's just getting to know. Don't rock the boat too much with this."

"But if she is not engaged with a gentleman caller…"

Ryan's lip quirked. "What year exactly do you think we are in, Cas? She's fully capable of making her own decisions. Maybe she doesn't even want to GO to prom. Ever think of that? And she doesn't have to. There are worse things in the world, you know. "

"I have done her such a disservice, I want to make it up to her in any way I can."

Ryan's smile was soft as she put a hand on his arm. "Try telling her that. Use your words. Tell her just like that. Maybe she'll open up to you. Then again, maybe she won't. And if she doesn't, that's okay, too. Just remind her you are there for her. The rest will fall into place."

"Are you certain?"

She nodded. "Yes, I am. And if she doesn't want to go to the prom, perhaps you should offer to take her somewhere fun that night."

"Somewhere…fun?"

She nodded. "The movies, maybe? Or to play putt-putt? She would probably like that. Out to dinner? Have Tory help you come up with a fun family outing if she's not interested in prom. Again, let it be Claire's decision. She's still learning you, too, don't forget."

"You are…very good at this parenting, aren't you?"

She shrugged. "I did it for years by myself. I kinda had to learn and adapt."

"I am very pleased with you, Ryan. You are an excellent mate for Dean, and a wonderful parent to the children."

She smiled. "Thanks, Cas. That means a lot. Seriously."

"I will take my leave now. Thank you."

She winked. "My pleasure. Come back anytime you have an issue. I'll be here." She watched him walk out the door and heard his wings as he took flight. She blew out a breath. "Boys! Lunch!"

* * *

That afternoon, Krissy came in giggly. Ryan's eyebrow shot up from where she was reading while the boys played. "What's up?"

"I've got a date with Evan tonight. I got the night off and so did he. I'm so excited!"

Ryan smiled. "Good for you, sweetheart."

"Oh, Ryan, he's so sweet and nice and…" She let out a little squeal and flopped onto the couch. "I mean, I know it's not forever or anything, but it's just nice. He's such a damn gentleman."

Ryan knew what she meant. It was nice to be 'wined and dined' on occasion. "So? Where are you going?"

"Just out to Applebee's. I mean, nowhere fancy, but still…"

"Still, it's nice. I get it."

Krissy bit her lips. "So…Evan is coming here."

Ryan's lip quirked as she immediately knew where the girl was headed with this. "Uh-huh."

"Do you think you could, um, well…?"

"Keep the guard dog on his leash?" Ryan provided.

"Yes!"

Ryan chortled. "Say no more. I'll be on the lookout for him. Do you want me to put your hair in a French braid?"

"Would you? That would be awesome. I thought about wearing that little pink dress…"

"The one Dean had a cow over when we brought it home?"

"Yeah."

Ryan let out a snort. "Be my guest. But here's a hint; wear a cardigan over it you can take off once you get to the restaurant. That way you won't have to listen to the lecture."

"Oh, good idea." The girl leapt up and hugged Ryan for all she was worth. "Thank you!"

"Go on and get upstairs and shower. I'll be up in a bit to fix your hair. Andy and Sam are coming over for dinner, so I'll make sure Andy is there on guard duty, too."

"Excellent! Thanks so much! Eep! I'm so excited!" She dashed out of the room, almost knocking over Ben, who was just walking in.

His eyebrow shot up. "Watch where you're going, Chambers!"

"Eat shit and die, Braeden!" came her reply from the top of the stairs.

Ben walked in with a smirk. "We're improving."

Ryan's tone held amusement as she said, "So I noticed."

"So, why'd she run out of here like her hair was on fire?"

"She's got a hot date tonight," Ryan said dismissively as she went back to her book. When Ben didn't say anything else, she looked at him discreetly over the pages. He looked crestfallen. Good. He needed to realize Krissy didn't need to moon over him until he decided to grow up. It was healthy for him. "Do you have a lot of homework over the weekend?"

"Huh?" he blinked. "Uh, no. None."

"Ah, okay. Plans for the evening?"

"I'm…not sure."

"Okay, well, Sam and Andy are coming over and we're having dinner. Let me know if I need to set a place for you. Jesse and Hope are both working tonight."

"O-Okay." She watched him stand and walk as if in a stupor, out of the room and up the stairs.

A few hours later, the doorbell rang and Dean went to open it, but Ryan was hot on his heels. She saw his eyes harden as a soft male voice said, "Mr. Winchester? I'm Evan Ortiz, I'm here to take Krissy to the movies…"

Ryan quickly elbowed Dean out of the way and took a look at the boy. He was gorgeous; she had to hand it to Krissy. "Hi, Evan. I'm Mrs. Winchester. Call me Ryan. Krissy will be right down."

He smiled, showing off a row of perfectly white teeth. "Thank you."

"I'm ready!" Krissy called as she walked down the stairs. She smiled. "Thanks, Ryan, for, you know."

Ryan winked at her. "You two have fun!"

"Not too much fun!" Dean shouted. "And don't forget curfew!"

Krissy glanced back and shot Dean a look but nodded. "We won't. See you guys later."

Ryan shut the door and gave Dean a pointed look. "Was that necessary?"

"What? Just 'cuz he's supposedly a good guy doesn't mean I won't give him the third degree."

She eyed him a moment before she walked back into the kitchen where Andy was watching the couple get into the kid's new-used Dodge Charger. "Damn. She knows how to pick 'em." Andy glanced at Ryan. "How the hell did she pick up your taste in men? It's not like you're related."

"You mean like how Hope got _your _taste in men when _you_ aren't related?"

Andy thought about that a moment before she nodded. "Good point. Kid does remind you of Sam, doesn't he?"

"Jesse? Yeah, he does," Ryan shot back.

"Well, she is like a chick Dean," Andy commented.

"Like someone else we know," Sam chortled as he turned the timer off on the stove.

"Definitely," Ryan added under her breath as she moved back to stir the pan of potatoes Sam had pulled out of the oven.

"Wait. What do you mean, Andy, Ryan's taste in men?" Dean growled.

Ryan started to answer when Andy spoke up in her defense. "No you don't. Don't do that shit, Wyatt. You got your Busty Asian Beauties. Ryan's got her Latino men. Let it go."

Dean blinked. "But…"

Ryan crossed her arms. "I can look, Dean. That part of me was never broken, thank you very much!"

His mouth opened and closed once, twice, before he said, "I never said it was! You're the one who…"

"I didn't need a lot of porn, Dean, but sometimes I needed something. And furthermore, sometimes I like looking. And I like looking at Latino guys. They're hot."

"Damn straight," Andy muttered. Sam shot her a look and she narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't you start that shit, either, Sam. I know things about you not even Dean does."

Sam's eyes widened and he clammed up. Ryan's lip quirked.

"So, when you were down in Mexico and South America?" Dean prompted.

Ryan couldn't help the grin. "I got two eyefuls."

"Fucking yes. If they were half as hot as Miguel, shit. I'm surprised you stayed faithful to Dean."

"Miguel?" Ryan asked.

Andy nodded as she poured drinks. "Yep. Found him while I was down in Peru. Sexy little shit. Hell of a dancer. The things he could do in the sack…" she glanced at Sam and her eyes widened. "But, enough reminiscing. Weren't we talking about Krissy's date?"

"What about it?" Ben asked balefully as he walked into the room and plopped his ass down on a chair. "You guys don't mind if I hang out with you tonight, do you?"

Ryan and Dean exchanged a look and Ryan gave him a soft smile. "Of course not. Want to go tell the boys to wash up for supper? I'll set you a place at the table."

"Thanks, Mama Bear. I…" he glanced out the window and sighed. "Thanks."

Ryan watched him leave and let out a sigh of her own. "Damn it. I was hoping this shit would settle."

"He's about half in love with her," Dean stated.

"Well, he should shit or get off the pot," Andy put in.

Sam shook his head. "He's Winchester stubborn and I think Krissy's learned the trait. They'll work it out eventually."

"I hope so," Ryan murmured.

* * *

**April 6****th**

Well, Ben did something. Something stupid. Just a few nights later, Krissy and Evan both had off work again and as such, Evan came by to pick her up for a date. Ryan had seen the fire in Ben's eyes when Krissy told them she had a date earlier that morning, so Ryan felt prepared for the clusterfuck that presented itself. She wasn't.

She was folding a load of clothes when she heard the doorbell then Krissy called, "I'm leaving! Evan and I are going to the movies. Don't worry, I did my homework during lunch!"

"Have fun!" Ryan shouted as she put the Bobby and Jon's clothes in the basket to take upstairs. She no more than got to the front of the house when she heard Ben say to Krissy, "When the hell are you gonna kick your hood rat to the curb? Point made, alright?!"

Ryan dropped the basket in her hand and shouted. "BENJAMIN ISAAC BRAEDEN!"

Krissy had been almost at the bottom of the porch steps, however, nearly teleporting, was instantly toe to toe with him in the doorway and hissed, "Say it again." Her eyebrows went up as she lifted her chin slightly. "Come on, I dare you. Let me show you a REAL hood rat."

Ryan looked over Krissy's shoulder at Evan, who had a scowl that let Ryan know she might have to use the skills she had acquired breaking up bar fights. "Got nothin' to say, huh?" Ben asked, trying and failing to hide the genuine fear in his voice "You always let her stick up for you?"

Evan remained expressionless as he slowly moved forward. Taking Kris gently by the elbow and keeping an icy glare fixed on Ben, he assured Krissy, "It's all good, cariña. I got this." He stood and stared a moment, then narrowed his eyes. "Mind repeating that, ese?" He shook his head and pointed at his ear, putting his accent on thicker for effect. "My hearing, it's not so good sometimes."

He leaned in as Ben opened his mouth. "I said…"

Evan got in Ben's face. "Yeah, I heard you the first time, gringo. And I'm about to stick my foot UP that ass!"

Ben's jaw ticked in that stubborn Winchester way that reminded Ryan pointedly of his father. "Try it and I'll have INS revoke your green card, AFTER I knock you on YOUR ass!"

Evan shoved Ben so hard he landed on his butt and slid across the floor. "Besa mi pulo, cuto! TE VOY A MATAR!" He went to make a move when Krissy's hand latched onto his arm. Breathing hard, he broke his gaze long enough to look at her.

"I know," she said calmly. "I've been there..." She cast a glance at Ben then and stated, "He's trying to compensate for undeveloped masculinity with an overinflated ego. And you know little boys..." She hooked her arm in Evan's and gave him a smirk, "…have no natural inclination to share. Come on, let's get outta here," she added on a chuckle as she pulled him toward the porch once more.

Evan had a self-satisfied smirk of his own as he snorted and looked at Ben. Before he turned away he muttered, "Verga."

Ben's brow furrowed as he heard Krissy giggle. As they closed the door behind them, he looked to Ryan for help from his spot on the floor. "What the hell did he just call me?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose and licked her lips, then put her hands on her hips. "Well, let's see...he told you to kiss his ass, called you a bitch, threatened to kill you...oh, and he called you a dick. And I can't say as I blame him."

"Ryan…"

"Never! Never in all my damn days of living with you have I ever seen such racist…assholism from you! After all the shit you've given Dean for how he treated Jesse, you turn around and do the same damn thing to Evan!"

"But…"

She pointed a finger down at him. "No. No buts, mister. Now, I hate it to hell and back for you that you suddenly decided you're into Krissy, and she's not only ignoring you, but finding enjoyment being with another guy, but the racist shit stops. Evan is a PERSON. Just. Like. You. So suck it up and deal with it."

"You can't…you can't talk to me that way!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Watch me."

"I'm gonna…"

"What? Gonna tattle on me? Gonna run to Daddy? You're proving you really are no better than a little boy, Ben. Grow up and be a man. Because, let me tell you, I know Krissy as well as I know Hope, and being a shit-ass to Evan is NOT going to score you any brownie points with her."

She picked up her basket and stepped over him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put away some clothes. I suggest you gather yours if you want me to wash them for you. Then you have a Chem test to study for, don't you?" Not giving him a moment to answer, she stormed up the steps. The nerve of that little asshole!

She heard Ben stomp up the stairs and slam his bedroom door and narrowed her eyes at the wall connecting the rooms. She had half a mind to beat down his door and smack him up beside his head. Instead, she left the clothes in the basket and walked back out to the stairs. She was surprised when Krissy and Evan walked back in. "Mrs. Winchester, Ryan, may I have a word?" he asked softly.

Ryan nodded and walked over to him. She saw Krissy kiss him on the cheek and heard her say she would wait on the porch. Ryan then turned her attention to Evan.

"Krissy told me you speak fluid Spanish. I apologize. My temper got the best of me and I shouldn't have said those things in the presence of a lady such as yourself."

Ryan was more than a little charmed by the boy, but managed to eke out, "N-no problem. I hear worse than that every day with this crowd."

"You are a wonderful person, Mrs. Ryan. Krissy has told me many wonderful things about you." Dean sauntered in just then and cast a skeptical glance as Evan griped Ryan's hand and just before giving it a kiss, all but whispered, "Sé de dónde saca desde."

She dimly heard the boys run in before Dean asked gruffly, "There a problem here?"

Ryan let out an adolescent giggle as Evan winked then makes his way out the door. Dean watched him a moment, then eyed his blushing wife. "Uh, Ry? Should I be worried?"

She turned to him then, more than a little irritated, still, and rolled her eyes.

"The hell could I have possibly done to piss you off?!" he asked in indignation. "I just GOT here!"

"It's not YOU," she stated pointedly. "It's your SON. Your son and that, that...that damn Winchester bravado! I'm surprised it hasn't gotten any of you killed yet!"

"What'd he do this time?" He curled his lip. "Christ, he didn't knock anyone up, did he?!"

"Not yet, though I can't relax about that one, either. He just tried to pick a fight with Evan!"

Dean chuckled. "So the green eyed monster finally reared its ugly head. Wondered when that would happen."

Her mouth all but fell open. She snapped it shut, clicking her teeth together and blew a breath out of her nose. "This isn't funny, Dean...have you SEEN Evan?!"

His lip curled again. "Forgive me, peaches, but I don't 'see' dudes that way..."

This time, she had to resist the urge to smack _him _up beside his head. "No! I mean, he's built like a damn bull. And from what I saw tonight, he's got a temper to match."

Dean's expression turned worried. "You saying he's dangerous?"

"Not to a lady, which is what he views Krissy as. But to smartasses who lean toward back biting? Hell yes." She sucked in a breath as she put her hands on Dean's shoulders. "I know Ben's your kid. Hell, I love him so much, we practically share DNA..."

His tone was cautious as he asked, "But?"

"Dammit, Dean, after what he said, I wanted to kill him! What really gets me is he KNOWS better! When he cools down, he's gonna hate himself for it!"

"Ah. Internalizing anger." He faked pride. "He gets that from me, you know."

"All too well, unfortunately." She shook her head. "But all that aside, Evan could have hurt him. He was GOING to, 'til Krissy stopped him."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, right...kid's a machine. Besides the fact Hope gave him all the training you'd taught her, I trained Ben myself. I oughta know. He can handle it."

"I know, but..." It suddenly occurred to Ryan that her husband may not have all the details. "You DO know what Evan does in his spare time, right?"

Dean waited a moment, then answered sarcastically, "Professional dog food taster?" She crossed her arms. "I don't know... Gonna have to spell his one out for me."

"M. M. A."

A quizzical look formed on his face. "That...doesn't spell anything."

"God," she groaned, "Mixed Martial Arts? He's been at it since he was a kid, he's damn near lethal, and he was about to use Ben to polish his professional apple."

Dean shrugged. "And the problem is...?" Clearly she must have been wearing a shocked expression because he followed with, "Look, Ben had it coming, you said it yourself. Sounds to me like Evan's an alpha, just like Ben. Let em' fight it out, get it outta their system. I guarantee when the dust settles, they'll end up respecting each other. Hell, they might even LIKE each other."

Ryan stared at him like he had two heads. "Seriously?!"

"What?"

"You care so little for your first born it doesn't occur to you to, I don't know, TALK HIM DOWN?"

Dean winced at the shrillness of her tone. "Chill, peaches. I doubt Evan could kill him. But if he did manage to beat the shit out of him, it would teach him a lesson. He's gonna face worse customers out on a job. Let him get some real world practice."

She shook her head in bewilderment. "I can't believe what I'm hearing." She paused. "No. Wait. I can believe it. I forgot who I was talking to for a minute."

"What's that...?"

She held up a hand, interrupting him. "Never mind. Look, I realize Ben isn't that skinny kid that came to us. He's put on muscle and now, he's definitely built like you. I just figured as his father you'd want to save him from a few scars." She sighed. "But, I realize you weren't taught that way so why should I be surprised?"

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "What are you sayin', peaches?"

She eyes him speculatively. "You know what? I'm not going there. Nope. Not getting into this fight."

"Maybe I wanna fight it out," he told her with a smile. "Angry sex with you is epic and we haven't done that in a while."

She gave him a 'my husband is an idiot' look, threw her arms up in the air and shook her head. "Men!" she exclaimed as she walked off and started muttering under her breath.

* * *

**April 9****th**

Ryan had hoped things would improve, but they didn't. And with the prom only a few weeks away, she was afraid Evan and Ben really might come to blows. Krissy and Ben, however, had devolved even further. After one terrible argument that had Hope and Jesse literally pulling the other two apart, Ryan commented, "You know what? This seems familiar."

Dean glanced up from the case he was reading about. They were trying to find a case to send Ben and Jesse on to at least get everyone some space. "What?"

"This…all this fighting. They fight like we do."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, but you'd never do that to me, so…"

Her tone was quizzical. "Do…what, exactly?"

"Step out on me."

"All you _did _was step out on ME!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I didn't know, I mean, I didn't know you were…that we were…I mean…" he swallowed hard and she felt sure he was trying to think of a way to avoid a fight.

Her jaw ticked. "You do realize, once I fulfilled my end of the bargain, I was free to date, right?"

"Yeah, but you wouldn't do that, so…"

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Says who?"

He blinked. "Huh?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Who said I wouldn't go out and find someone, Dean?"

"B-Because you were supposed to be with me."

"And if you didn't take the bait? If you hadn't come to realize I loved you and wanted a life with you? Had kids with you? If you had continued on with your self-sacrificing ways and ignored all the damn writing on the wall, what then? Was I supposed to die old and alone?"

"What? No! Of course not! I woulda got there eventually…"

"So you say."

"We're doing this, seriously?"

She sighed. "You know, it is possible I got over it. Decided I needed to get out there, find someone _else _to fill my time and my bed." Cam's face filled her mind and she knew now, without question, it had been Cam. At the very least, she'd been with him. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

"But…"

"No 'but's, Dean. Think about it a minute. If I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you weren't coming back to me? Don't you think I'd do what was best for the boys?"

"What do you…?"

"They would need a father, Dean! And if you couldn't be there for them…"

"They had a father! And if _you _had nutted up and _told _me about them, I'm positive I'd have been there for them!"

"Like you were for Ben?" she shot back.

A hurt expression crossed his face before his look turned stony. "I did what I thought was best at the time. You can hate me for that all you want, but I thought I was saving him and Lisa. Sue me."

She sighed. "Dean…" She really hadn't intended for this to turn into an argument.

Dean, however, was on a roll. "But even if I couldn't have been there, they had you and Jody. Hell, they probably had Andy and Tory, too."

"And what if they didn't? What if I had to move again or…or Jody got killed, or I couldn't trust anyone? What then?"

"So, you'd trust someone to fuck you, to be the kids' dad, but not to tell them the truth?!"

"Who would believe it, anyway?" she exclaimed. "But if I could go under, deep under, keep the boys and Hope safe, with a civilian, don't you think I would? I would sell my damn _soul _for those kids! I gave up _you _for those kids! Don't you think I'd marry some guy?"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Marry some guy?!"

"MAYBE!"

He stopped and held up a hand. "Wait. Before we do this, let's stop. I mean, come on, it didn't happen. We're happy right here in our own little slice of paradise and it's a non-issue. Alright?"

She shrugged. She didn't have the energy to fight, anyway. "All I was saying was Ben is acting exactly how you would if we were in that situation."

He was quiet a moment. "Yeah. You're right." He paused. "So…what? You think they're soulmates or something?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know."

"Well, I wish we'd find out and get this straightened out. I hate it causing _us _to fight!"

She nodded. "Me too," she stated softly. "But I really like Evan. And even Cas said soulmates don't always end up together."

They were both quiet a moment before Dean asked, "You really think you ended up with someone else?"

She sighed. "I think there's a reason why we're living this life and not that one. I'm not saying who I sleep with causes catastrophic damages, but if that made something else happen that was earth shattering enough to make Gabriel change the timelines, bad enough for Hope to BEG him to change it? Then, I don't know…maybe."

"Well, you are like Sam. So…maybe whoever you sleep with dies."

"Dean!" she gasped and threw a napkin at him.

He laughed and stood to come over and hug her then plant a kiss on her temple. "I'm teasing, babe!"

"Not funny," she muttered.

He chortled and went to sit back down. He sat there in thought a moment. "It's weird how Gabriel changed so much shit, but he never saw fit to go back and change it so none of the really wicked shit in our lives happened."

"The shit in life is what molded you, Dean. You, me, Sam, hell, even Andy and Tory and Cas…we've all had a hard road, but it's led us to this point, made us who we are. And if it had to happen to make me this happy? I'm pretty sure I'm okay with it."

He nodded. "I know, I just…it's so unfair. Forget about the shit that we have suffered. What about our parents dying, the demon stuff, even our kids being screwed into this destiny thing…"

She reached over and took his hand. "It all happens for a reason. That's the only thing I can say. It sucks and it sounds like a cop out, but there you go. Go with that. It's the best we can do."

"Alright. We'll go with that."

The computer made a beeping noise and Dean glanced down. "Got a case…"

Her eyebrows rose. "That so? What?"

He held up a finger as he read, his eyes narrowed. She watched him concentrate. She couldn't imagine being with another man, not even with the dreams she'd had about Cam. How could she ever give up on the hope eventually they would end up together?

"Looks like maybe a siren," he stated, knocking her out of her reverie.

"Well, we can't send the boys on that, can we?"

He shook his head. "Definitely not." He paused. "Who we gonna send?"

She thought a moment. "What about me and Andy?"

"Huh?"

"Where is it?"

"As per the usual, strip joint."

An idea formed in her head. A particularly fun but evil idea. She knew Andy would be on board, but knew Dean would be dead set against it. So she kept it to herself as she said, "Men and strip joints don't mix, you know that. Did your time with the siren not teach you anything?"

His jaw set. "There aren't many things I don't wanna talk about, but that's one of them."

She held up both hands in surrender. "Fine, I'm just saying, you think you and Sam can handle it better now?"

"What about me and you?"

"I don't trust the teens right now. I'd prefer you or I stay with them," she admitted.

He blew out a breath. "Damn kids."

She chuckled. "So?"

He sighed. "Call Andy, see if she wants in. I'll hold down the fort."

"You mean it?!" she squeaked.

He smirked. "Yeah. But you owe me."

She had picked up her phone but sat it back down. She stood, then went to sit in his lap. "I can pay you right now, baby."

His eyebrows shot up. "I like the way you think," he murmured only moments before his lips fused with hers.

* * *

The next morning, Ryan and Andy were up with the sun and ready to go. After they'd kissed their husbands, and in Ryan's case, her children, they tore ass out of the driveway and on toward the hunt. Ryan glanced over at Andy, who returned the look.

"Alright, spill," Andy stated.

"What?"

"You're plotting. Dean may know you, but I don't think he knows you as well as I do. What are you thinking?"

Ryan smirked. "So, I may have thought of something."

"Something…evil?"

"Maybe?"

"Spill."

"I had an idea."

"Oooookay."

"What if we went in as strippers?"

"In the strip club?"

Ryan shot her a glare. "No, at the Gas N' Sip. Yes, at the strip club! We can go in undercover."

Andy thought a moment. "So…we'll be going in as fake FBI agents posing as fake strippers."

"Yes."

Andy let out a whistle. "That's some 'Inception' level shit."

"And?"

"Hell yes. Let's do it."

Ryan giggled.

* * *

**April 16****th**

**Dean POV **

Dean hated to admit, but he didn't like being without Ryan. He missed her. And the boys missed her. And, hell, his bed was cold. "You look like I feel," Sam commented as he walked in the afternoon of the sixth day without their women. Dean knew he had been working in the house, ripping out the guest bathroom. Dean had offered to help, but with the boys in tow, not much would have been accomplished, so he'd hung out with the kids all morning.

Dean looked up from his computer. Even research was more fun than sitting around feeling sorry for himself. "I didn't know I'd come to miss her this much. I mean, damn."

Sam nodded with a half-smile. "I know what you mean. When she's not driving me batty, I miss Andy like crazy."

"We are some sorry excuses for sons of bitches, Sam."

"Speak for yourself," Sam shot back.

"So…what did Andy say when you talked to her last night?"

"She said she was wrapping up some loose ends. Ryan?"

Dean nodded. "Same."

"So…what do we do?"

Dean shrugged. Their lives had become somewhat monotonous. Not that he minded, it was nice not getting almost killed every other day.

"Want to see if the kids will watch the boys so we can get in some target practice at the bunker?" Sam suggested.

Dean shrugged again. "Might as well. Maybe we'll go for a beer later."

"That sounds…nice."

The two looked at each other and Dean shook his head. "When did we become old married men?"

"Speak for yourself," Sam stated again. "I'm…comfortable. And you are, too."

"Yeah. I know." He heaved out a sigh. "Come on, if the teens are watching the kids, I don't have to worry about them sucking each other's faces."

Sam pulled a face. "Dude."

"Don't 'dude' me, dude. Try living with them."

Sam considered that a moment. "Good point."

The teens all worked different shifts on Saturdays so after an assurance by Krissy that the boys would be taken care of, Sam and Dean hopped into the impala and headed to the bunker. Maybe if he shot at a target for a while and drank a little bit, he'd not feel quite so damn lonely. Since when was Sam's company not enough? It was always enough. Even when their lives were in the shitter, Sam was always there and it was enough. But now, he'd noticed, the few times lately Ryan had been away from him, it was as if a hole was missing in him. She really was his soul mate, and it was like some cosmic shift had happened, cluing him to the fact. Not that he had doubted it, but it was different, this feeling.

When they got to the bunker, they walked in to Tory on the phone. They weren't loud because they didn't want to disturb her but she didn't seem to notice their presence, either.

"Sure, you know me. I won't tell a soul." She paused. "Because my life is worth more than that to me. I've already pissed Dean off once for you, Ryan. Don't make me do it again. Just because I'm Castiel's fuck buddy doesn't mean Dean wouldn't beat my ass." She sighed out a breath. "Fine. But if you two don't quit playing around and get the job finished, they're going to get suspicious."

She looked up then and saw Sam and Dean standing at the foot of the steps. "I, uh, I gotta go…just finish up and come home tomorrow, alright?" She dropped the phone and began, "Dean…"

Dean's jaw set and only Sam's hand on his shoulder held him back. "Talk, Tory."

She swallowed hard. "Uh, they're fine…"

"And?"

"And nothing. Just a few issues…"

"Siren issues?!"

"Uh…no."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying about that!"

"But you're lying about something," he shot back.

She took a stuttering breath. "I promised not to say."

"They're not in danger, are they?" Sam inquired.

She shook her head. "Of course not. You know if they were, I'd come to you immediately, regardless."

"I'm sensing a 'but'," Dean ground out.

She opened her mouth and shut it before she blew a breath out of her nose. "They didn't handle it like I would have, which says something."

"That…doesn't say anything," Dean growled.

She put her head in her hand. "Look," she stated as she kept her gaze on the ground. "I didn't agree with how they handled it, not without telling you guys, but that's between you and them. You want to bust them? Be my guest. Just be ready for the shitstorm when you do."

The two men exchanged a look. "What does that mean?"

"Go on and check out the case. You'll see what I mean."

"I can't just up and leave the boys," Dean told her. "Nor the older kids. Not right now."

She nodded. "I'll handle them tonight."

Sam appraised her. "Why?"

She shrugged. "Because, for once in my life, I tried to talk them out of a dumb idea and they laughed. This…is something you two should have been made aware of. They're married. I know neither of them would step out on the two of you, but how they handled this case…wasn't the brightest idea."

"Whose idea was it?" Sam managed through clenched teeth.

"What difference does it make?" she wanted to know.

"None," Dean stated. "Come on, Sammy, let's hit the road, bust their asses."

They didn't say another word as they walked out and sat in the car. They looked at one another. "What the hell do you think we're going to walk in on? I mean…I can see if it was you and Andy…"

"Hey!" Dean cried indignantly.

Sam shrugged. "It's true and you know it. But I figured Ryan was the calmer head."

"Maybe they just…" Dean was at a loss. He couldn't imagine what was happening.

Sam sighed. "I guess we're gonna find out in a few hours. Where was the case again?"

Dean told him and he pulled up the quickest route on his GPS. It was a few hours away and they didn't get to the location of Ryan's phone until night had fully encroached on them. They glanced up at the strip joint. "Roy's Rays of Sunshine? What the hell?"

Sam shrugged as he stood from the car. "How do we play it?"

"Let's just go in. If the damn thing has one of them under its spell, we'll have issues, but let's just recon it for now."

Sam nodded and the two men walked in. The smell took Dean back. Once, being in a strip club was his favorite place. Now, his favorite place smelled of honeysuckle, freshly baked cookies, and baby wash. It was amazing what a few years would do to a man.

"Bar?" Sam inquired.

Dean nodded. "Bar."

They walked up to the bar and dropped onto two stools. "What can I get ya?" a bored younger guy asked.

"Two beers, whatever you got halfway decent on tap," Dean told him. He glanced around as the kid poured the beers. "Say, you seen a leggy redhead and a pissed off brunette around here anywhere?" At Sam's incredulous look, Dean shrugged. "What? That's an apt description."

Sam shook his head as the kid nodded. "Yeah. Ryan and Andy, right? They're around somewhere. Just have a seat for a few."

Dean took a generous swig of his beer. "Well, that was easy."

"Too easy?" Sam muttered under his breath.

Just then the lights changed and they heard an announcer say, "Though she's small, don't dare call her a dwarf. Presenting the fiery…Doc."

Sam's eyes widened as he turned to Dean, who was choking on his beer. "She wouldn't…would she?"

The song started and Dean immediately recognized "Deep" by Pearl Jam and his gaze traveled to the stage where a small brunette was sexily sauntering up to the pole. It didn't take a brain surgeon to know it was Andy under all that teased hair and makeup. "Uh…yeah. She would."

Both of them were frozen as they watched Andy strip down to a bra and underwear before she started slithering across the stage for tips. "Dude…I'm sorry as all hell, but she can move."

Sam shot him a bitchface. "Quit looking, dickbag!"

"It's…it's like a train wreck. I can't stop, man."

The song finally ended and when she offered a smile for the crowd, she saw them. They made their way to the side of the stage where she held up a hand, waving off the bouncer, Dean supposed. "What in the FUCK are you doing?!" Sam shouted.

"Making some dough, babe. Why?"

Dean blinked. "Not that I didn't enjoy the show, because, fucking hell, And, I didn't know you had it in ya, but where's the monster?"

"Oh, the sirens? We killed them days ago. It was a pair. Twins. Or so they said. Ryan and I were too busy killing them to get much of their monologue."

"So…why are you doing this?!" Sam managed through clenched teeth.

Andy grinned. "We were just enjoying the hell out of the tips and free booze."

Sam looked more than offended and started to argue when Dean leaned in and asked, "The money really that good?"

Sam didn't even bother with a bitch face, just punched him in the arm. "OW!" Dean yelped as he rubbed the affected area. "Excuse me for wanting to make an easy buck!"

"'Easy buck' is the key phrase, jackass! My wife ain't an easy buck!"

"Speak for yourself, Moose," Andy exclaimed as she headed back to the door by the stage.

Dean smirked but it slid off his face when he heard the announcer, "And now, presenting, all the way from Georgia, the lovely Peaches…" His eyes widened in a cross between horror and pure sexual animalism as 'Down' by Stone Temple Pilots began and Ryan came out on the stage.

"Awww hell no! Ryan?!"

Sam smirked. "Not so easy when the shoe's on the other foot, is it?"

"Shut up, Sam, and help me talk them outta this!"

Instead of moving any farther, Sam retreated back to the bar. Dean followed, helpless, even though his eyes were on his wife. How the hell did she know to do that? And furthermore, could he talk her into installing a pole in their bedroom? He downed the beer Sam handed him, and without looking at his brother, asked, "What are we doing?"

"I'm enjoying the show."

Dean's eyes narrowed as he glanced at Sam, who was eyeing Ryan with a bit too much fervor for his liking. "Hey! Eyes off MY wife, bitch!"

Sam shrugged, but didn't look away from the stage as Ryan threw her skirt off. "Sorry, man, but you looked at Andy. This is only fair."

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts," Sam murmured.

Dean crossed his arms and pouted. That lasted for about a second before Ryan did an upside-down twist on the pole and everything else kind of faded away. "How the fuck did they learn this, man?" he wondered aloud.

"I think I remember one of them mentioning some pole dancing class but I thought they were kidding. It was mentioned offhand once."

"Damn. I'm impressed," Dean muttered as Ryan did a split. "How the hell I not know she was that bendy?"

"You? Andy shimmied up that pole like she was climbing a tree. She hates climbing the ladder to the attic!"

Dean smirked. "Dude, she only says that so you'll go up there. She's afraid of mice."

Sam turned from watching Ryan and looked at him. "What?"

"Mice. She's scared of them." Dean's eyes widened minutely. "Did you seriously not know that?"

Sam shook his head. "It never came up."

Dean shrugged and turned back to the stage where he had to stifle a growl since the douchebags were doling out their money for the show. "Come on. She's finished."

"Good. I have to admit, I enjoyed watching her. And that makes me uncomfortable."

Dean knew what he meant. Seeing Andy sexualized was kind of screwing with his head. He'd only ever seen her as a sister. To see her like that…well, he could see what Sam saw in her. And that bothered him. "What do you think?" Dean asked to shake off his thoughts. "Divide and conquer?"

"Yeah. If we let them get together, we'll never get anywhere."

"Take Andy outside. Ryan's enough like you not to make too big of a scene. Andy…"

Sam winced. "Yeah, I'll take her to the car."

They walked to the backstage area where a dude taller than Sam and about four times as wide said, "No customers."

"We're not customers, dude. We're husbands."

The man's eyes narrowed, his mouth set, and he crossed his arms. "No husbands, either."

"Look, we're just trying to get in to speak to our wives…"

"Gimme they names, I'll tell them to come out when they set finished," his deep timbre stated.

"Look, asshole," Dean began, but Sam elbowed him in the ribs.

"That's great. Just tell Ryan and Andy we're here. They'll know."

The man looked both of them up and down. "Have a seat over there," he pointed toward the velvet high-backed bench. "They be out soon." He walked off into a locked room, shutting it behind him.

Dean turned to Sam. "What the hell, man?!"

"You woulda got your ass handed to you, Dean, and you'd have deserved it!"

"They deserve it," Dean grumbled. "I can't believe them!"

"What I can't believe is Tory tried to talk them out of it."

"Do you blame her? She had to know how we would react!"

Sam's brows furrowed. "I just want to know why she sent us up here."

"Probably because she knew they'd lie about it!"

"Would they lie to us about this?"

Dean gestured wildly around the space. "Take a look around, Sam! Would you admit you did this if the roles were reversed?"

Sam's lip curled. "If you and I pulled a 'Magic Mike' I would take that shit to my grave."

"Exactly."

"I don't know," a bottle blonde said as she came up. She was wearing little to nothing and she looked like she had more crap injected in her face than actual muscle. "I bet you two would look pretty damned sexy, stripping. Especially you, hot stuff," she said as she fingered the lapel of Dean's jacket.

Dean eyed her. Once upon a time, he'd have taken that pony for a ride. And it would have been one hell of a night. But now he had his own piece of ass and he did love every square inch of Ryan's ass. "Sorry, sweetheart. I'm taken."

"Oh come on. She would never have to know."

Dean caught sight of Ryan, now wearing a semblance of actual clothing and smiled. "Trust me. She'd know. I value my balls too much."

The woman clearly wouldn't take 'no' for an answer because she ran a hand up Dean's arm. "Normally, this is a hand-off kinda place. But for you," she breathed out, obviously attempting to be sexy, "I'll make an exception."

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Ryan aggressively tapped the chick on the shoulder. "Princess Peroxide? He's with me."

"WAS," the makeup abuser put in before smiling at Dean and snaking an arm around his waist. "Now? He's got all the action he can handle."

Ryan shoved the woman's shoulder. "What did you say to me?"

"I said, be gone. This one is mine. Find another."

Ryan's eyes narrowed and Dean could see the fight brewing in them. "That's it…"

Dean forcibly shoved the woman off of him to grab Ryan. "Ah, babe? Not that I wouldn't love, and I do so mean _love _to see you beat her ass, I think we have shit to sort out. Don't you?"

Ryan's eyes cut to the woman. "Take off, bitch. My man and I have shit that doesn't involve you."

The woman stuck her nose in the air. "Fine, you skanky ginger, I didn't want him anyway."

Ryan let out a snort. "You couldn't handle him."

Stripper Barbie looked Ryan up and down. "And you really think you can? Please."

Ryan's jaw set. "Talk about me and my hair…I'd bet my next paycheck the carpet doesn't match the drapes!"

The woman smiled at Ryan. "Who said I _had _any carpet?" She blew Dean a kiss. "If you get tired of her, honey, I'll be around."

He saw Ryan's fists clench and he murmured, "She ain't worth it, babe."

Ryan turned to him and smiled before it seemed to occur to her where they were and the fact that while, yes, she was clothed, it was in a skimpy outfit early 2000's Britney would have been proud of. The skirt was so short, you could practically see her ass, and the top was little more than a scrap of cloth tied across her breasts. Her stomach, as delectable as it was, was exposed for all the world to see. "Dean…"

"Don't," he began. "I'm so fucking pissed at you right now and I'm so damn turned on, I'm about to simultaneously bust a nut and trying not to strangle you."

She opened her mouth before a wicked grin graced her face. "Well, let's not ruin the mood." She grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Where are we…?" he began but stopped dead at the end of the hallway she dragged him to. "Seriously?"

She bit her lip and the hunger in her eyes would have scared him had he not seen it before as she all but dragged him into the bathroom. "That song, the dance…damn, Dean, I need your cock inside of me, now."

A part of him knew this was her deflecting their argument to a later date. That part of him, however, wasn't currently being groped by her through his jeans. Therefore, it was inconsequential as he picked her up and sat her on the sink. "Fuck, peaches, I'm so fucking pissed."

"I know," she groaned as his teeth nipped her neck while his hands ripped her panties from her body.

"I could strangle you I'm so mad."

"So you said," she whined as her head fell back against the dirty mirror.

"I think I should spank that ass," he commented as he kneaded it with both hands.

"Yes," she murmured as she shoved him away.

His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. "What?"

She bit her lip and bent over the sink, ass out on display thanks to the torn scrap of fabric now in his hand. "Spank me."

He swallowed hard. This was…new. And he damn sure wasn't complaining. He hoisted her skirt high on her hips and looked at her in the crappy florescent lighting. She wasn't his Ryan. Not now. She was every skank he'd ever fucked in every strip club across the lower 48. And a part of him got excited by that. He pulled his hand back and asked, "You sure?"

"Spank me, daddy," she whispered.

The SMACK resonated through the room and she whimpered, not in pain, but in need. "Again," she panted.

He popped her again. "You gonna be good?"

"No."

He smacked her once more. "You gonna be good?"

"Uh-uh."

One more time, the sound echoed off the tile walls. "How about now?"

"Nope."

Her cheek was already blood red and he knew she might have trouble sitting on that side come morning. But still, he had to drive the point home. "This ass belongs to me," he told her as he massaged the reddened skin. "And I'd better never, _never _hear of any other man looking at your naked ass again. You understand?" He punctuated his statement with one last swat before he massaging her flesh even as he slipped inside her.

"Fuck! Dean!" she screamed.

"Open those beautiful brown eyes, baby," he crooned as he pulled her hair so her head moved up to watch them in the mirror. Their eyes met as his other hand snaked in front of her to play with her tits, popping them free of the bra so he could have his hands on her skin. "You belong to me," he repeated. "No one gets this but me. No one looks at this but me. No one touches this but me. Got it?"

She let out a growl and he felt her inner walls clench him. "Y-Yes…"

He smirked. "You like that, don't you? Dirty girl likes it when I punish you and fuck you senseless."

"Yes!" she screamed. "YES!"

He pulled her up a bit more so he could feast on her neck while he fucked her. That was when he caught movement behind them. The bleached blonde from early was standing there, mouth agape.

Ryan smirked at their three reflections as she locked eyes with the other woman while simultaneously seeming to dare Dean to stop. Well, that sure as hell wasn't happening. The whole heavenly host could have come in then and Dean wouldn't have stopped. "Sorry," Ryan managed between pants. "He's got all the action he can handle."

The bimbo left and Dean pulled away to turn her before he looked at Ryan in surprise. "Babe. I never took you for an exhibitionist."

She shrugged and pulled him closer. "If it means you inside me, I don't care WHO is watching. Besides, knowing that bitch is eating her heart out? WAY better than any ass kicking."

He chuckled. "And they call me the selfish asshole."

She gave a little hop so she was sitting on the sink once more, then wrapped her legs around him. "What can I say? When it comes to you, all bets are off."

* * *

**Sam POV **

He had been about to step in and help with the impending fight between the bleached blonde floozy and Ryan but he caught sight of Andy walking out the door and he figured Dean could handle Ryan. He had his own wife to deal with. "Don't think you're getting by with this!" he shouted as he broached the door.

Andy was about to walk past Dean's car when she turned and looked at him. She had gotten dressed similarly to Ryan, which was to say, she wasn't wearing much. "What? It was a good play! We got the monster. What's the problem?!"

His mouth opened and then closed. It _was _a good play, not one he would have chosen, but he also realized the women were in a better position to infiltrate the sirens than someone on the outside. Probably much better equipped than he and Dean had been that time. "You're right."

She stopped dead and gawked at him. "What?"

"You're right. It was a good play. What's not a good play? Using your body without asking me."

"Ex_cuse _me?!"

He cringed. "Shit. That wasn't what I meant."

Her arms crossed and she leaned against the impala as she looked at him. "Explain."

He sighed. "Look at it this way; if the roles had been reversed, would _you _like to see _me _shaking my ass up there on that stage?!" At her expression, he nodded. "Exactly."

"But you would never…"

"But you did! Why are you giving us double standards? I mean, I'm all for feminism, Andy, and I'm completely cool with the fact I can't tell you what to do. That's fine. But this? This was a dick move and both of you know it."

Some of the fight left her as she sighed.

He walked a few steps closer to her. "See this?" He showed her his hand where his wedding ring sat. "We entered into a contract, babe, the minute we said 'I do'. Now, I'm not saying I would have agreed to this. Hell, you'd probably have to tie me up in the bunker's dungeon to have gone if you would have told me what your plan was, but as partners in this whole marriage thing, I should have at least been informed."

"This is a case, Sam. We agreed, anything that had to be done on a case, outside of sleeping with anyone else, was okay."

His jaw clenched. They had discussed that, she was right. "Could we amend that to not taking our clothes off for anyone else, too?"

"Married women strip too, Sam. I'm not saying it's the most noble of professions, but it's not that shameful. I wasn't hookin' it on the street corner."

"You're not wrong, Andy. I just…" He blew a breath out of his nose. "The thoughts of those assholes, of even _Dean _seeing you like that?! And to one of my favorite sex songs? Seriously?"

She bit her lip. "How else was I going to get the courage up to do it? I mean, the idea was all well and good in the planning stages, but the minute I was dressed in that outfit and had to go out there and strut it for the crowd? I froze, okay? Ryan just…plowed through without one iota of nerves, but I clammed up. I didn't think I could do it. Then that song started and it made me think of you and you were the only one I wanted to do that for and I just pretended it was you out there and…"

Realization dawned a half-second before his arms encircled her and his mouth dipped to hers.

She let out a little whimper as his hands hungrily claimed her body. "I'm still angry," he told her as his teeth found purchase behind her ear.

"I expect no less," she managed as her hands began their own explorations.

"I need you," he growled.

"I'm yours, Sam. Always."

That was all the encouragement he needed as he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. She let out sound between a growl and a whine as he pushed her into the car. His wife might have been small in size, but she was tough. And she loved rough sex. Which was good, because there was no way in hell he could be gentle tonight. She pulled his hair roughly, exposing his Adam's apple to her and she bit the skin there before she soothed it with her tongue. That only fueled his fire as he moved her to the hood of the car and perched her there, but only for a moment as he unzipped his pants, pushed her panties to the side, and thrust, connecting them.

"God! Fuck!" she screamed into the night.

"Shhh, you'll attract a crowd!"

"I don't give a shit," she replied heatedly into his ear, her breath hot and wet as she panted. "I wouldn't care if God himself decided to show up, I'd tell him to wait a minute while we finished."

He pulled away just a moment to look at her. Caught in the shadows between street lights, she looked like a siren herself. And he would more than willingly kill for her. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Now move, you lanky bastard. I need to get off and so do you."

He could find no fault in her logic and quickly got back to work.

* * *

By the time Ryan and Dean reappeared, they were both lounging on the hood of the car. It was times like this, after awesome sex, he wished he had a damn pack of Marlboros, because he sure as hell could use a cigarette. He didn't smoke, but occasionally, he wouldn't have minded having one. That was a particularly nasty habit he'd picked up, the smoking. He knew better, his Dad had driven that one down their throats. But when he was soulless, he hadn't cared. Now, however, he did. Didn't make the craving any less.

"Get off my car, bitch." Dean looked at Andy. "Not you. You make a nice hood ornament."

She flipped him off and turned to Ryan. "You look like you got fucked in a bathroom stall."

Ryan smirked. "Sink. We didn't make it as far as the stall."

Andy chuckled. "Nice. Up top." She held up a hand for a high five and Ryan returned it.

"We also gave Peroxide Barbie a show."

Andy's mouth fell open. "Hell, I can't wait to tell Tory that!"

"Speaking of Tory, you two owe her an apology for making her keep this shit from us," Dean put in.

The two women shared a look that seemed to say about a million things, all at the speed of light, before Ryan nodded. "Yeah. We do. And we shouldn't have kept this shit from you, either. That was wrong."

"And it was wrong to do this under your noses," Andy added. "It was underhanded and shitty."

"So…we good?" Ryan asked.

Sam and Dean shared a look of their own. "Yeah, we're good," Sam answered for them. "Now, can we get out of here?"

"It's late. Let's just go back to the motel and then we can leave in the morning. I assume you two found a babysitter?"

Dean nodded. "Tory is the one that sent us. She said she'd watch the kiddos."

"Mind giving us a lift? We left the car. Vince brought us in today. Said he didn't want my car in this neighborhood."

"Vince?"

"The big African-Hawaiian-American dude you met earlier? The bouncer?"

"That is one big dude," Dean commented.

"He's super sweet, too," Andy told them. "He's got a wife and four kids. She owns a bakery in town."

"We can swing by in the morning, tell them goodbye, and get Dean a cruller."

"Oh, yeah! Those things kicked ass," Andy stated. "You're gonna love them, Wyatt."

"Sounds good. Now, let's hit the road. You two hungry after your…performances?"

The two women exchanged another look and nodded. "We need cheeseburgers," they chimed in unison.

Dean grinned. "I could go for one myself. Sam?"

Sam sighed. "Might as well make it four."

"Great!" Andy exclaimed. "We found an awesome place. Vince told us about it. Killer burgers and they use the good oil to cook their fries."

"Lead the way," Dean told them as he opened the back door of the car. Both women slid into the backseat and Dean shrugged as he walked around to the driver's side. Sam quickly took the shotgun seat and waited.

Dean slid behind the wheel then glanced into the backseat through the rearview mirror. "Wow. This looks…remarkably familiar. Different redhead, oddly similar brunette…"

"Dean," Sam hissed under his breath. The girls were chill, they were chill, they did _not _need to make this World War Three.

"What? Just sayin'…"

Ryan leaned up like she was going to kiss her husband's neck. Instead, she smacked him on the back of the head. "Compare me to that winged slut again. I dare you."

"And I know he seriously wasn't about to compare me to Ruby!" Andy shouted.

Sam winced as Dean held up both hands, momentarily taking them off the steering wheel. "Seriously? You two screw up and now you're mad at me?! What the hell?"

"Just drive, Dean," Sam groaned. "Let's just go get something to eat. And for the love of God, shut your trap."

He pulled out of the parking lot. "Take the next left, then the first right," Ryan directed as she sat back and crossed her arms. Sam sighed. He had the feeling Dean and Ryan's argument wasn't quite over.

He wondered how Andy was doing when he felt a gentle hand in his hair. "When I get you back to the motel," she breathed in his ear, "I'm going to give you a private show. Would you like that, babe?"

He swallowed hard. That, he could handle.

After the burgers, which Sam could admit he was glad he ate, they drove in silence back to the motel. Dean pulled into the office area and Sam ran in to get another room. While he did that, apparently, Ryan and Andy decided who would get the new room, because when he walked out, the Impala was parked over by Ryan's car and Andy was propped up on the hood, bag in hand. She smiled as he walked up. "Hey, baby, you lookin' for a little lovin' tonight?"

He grinned. "I don't know. I don't usually pay for sex."

She pouted prettily. "Get me off really good and I'll give you a freebie."

"That's not a way to make any money," he told her, playing along.

She shrugged. "When I see something pretty, I'm not afraid to take a loss to get it."

He chuckled, dropping the act. "We're down this way. I requested a room away from the other one." He heard Ryan's voice as shouting began and he winced.

"I think that was a wise decision," Andy commented as she took his hand and he snagged her bag before leading her down the way to room 28. "I wish Dean would learn to keep his mouth shut."

"The man is thirty-seven years old and he hasn't learned it yet," Sam commented as he unlocked the door. "He's died how many times? Been to Hell, and Purgatory, and Heaven. And he still hasn't caught on. Something tells me he's not going to learn in the near future."

She smiled. "So I see." She walked into the room and then turned to him. "So, what'll you have, baby? I'm good with about anything. Safe word is 'Beelzebub'." He shot her a bitch face and she giggled as she moved into his space, wrapping her arms around him. "So? What'll you have?" she repeated.

"The works," he replied as he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

* * *

He woke to find her looking at him. The pearly-gray light of morning was starting to sneak into the crack between the curtains. "Good morning."

She smiled. "Good morning."

"So, thanks for last night," he started.

She giggled and kissed him delicately. "You're oh so welcome."

"So, should we get up…?" She shook her head and ducked under the covers. "What are you…?" but then he felt her mouth, hot and wet on him. His eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a grunt as she began her ministrations.

When they surfaced again, the sun was fully up. "My God," she panted as she fell onto the bed. "That was fucking awesome."

He grinned. "I agree." He moved to sit up and he felt her at his naked back, peppering kisses along his shoulders. He turned to her. "Not that I'm complaining, but Dean will be ready to leave soon, I'm sure of it."

She pouted prettily and a whine started in the back of his throat. "Don't tempt me, Andy."

"We do have two vehicles, you know. We could just take one of them home."

"You want to spend a few days here?" It wasn't Shangri-La by any means. But if she had her bag with clothes in it, and he did as well, because he kept a spare set in the car anyway, they could take a few days, go somewhere...better.

She shrugged. "I just love being with you. We can go home. I'm good with whatever." She bit her lip. "I, uh, I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh."

She smiled at that. "I'm…I think I'm ready."

"For…?"

She shrugged. "The rest of it."

His brows furrowed. It must have been his sex-addled brain, because he wasn't picking up what she was putting down yet. He needed coffee. "The rest of…what?"

She bit her lip and looked down at the sheet. He watched as she traced invisible patterns in the crappy cotton. "The rest of your happily ever after."

His eyes widened. _Is she…? _He swallowed. "You mean…"

She shrugged again and still wouldn't look at him. "This time…" she trailed off and sucked in a breath. He noticed she almost seemed close to crying, a rarity for her. Usually the only time she cried was when she was royally pissed. "What you said last night…about us being partners? Well, maybe I'm ready to be your partner in something else." She looked up at him. "Maybe I'm ready for us to take that next step."

"Seriously?"

She nodded. "I don't…let's not push it, okay? Let's just…agree not to try, but not to try not to, you know?"

His brows furrowed again. "So…no pills, no condoms, let nature take its course?"

She nodded. "If it happens, it happens. But if it doesn't…if there's something wrong, if I'm…what if I'm broken, Sam?"

He pulled her around so she was sitting naked in his lap. "Look, I told you before, I don't care about that. Yeah, I want the whole package, but if the package comes at losing _you_? I'm not interested. So, we try it. And if it happens, it happens. Like you said. And if it doesn't? Well, I'm pretty sure in all the other stuff we buy on the black market, a kid wouldn't be too much of a stretch."

Her eyes widened. "You're terrible."

He shook his head. "I'll do anything for you, Andrea, you know that."

Her breath caught. "I'll do anything for you, too. _You _know that."

He nodded. "Which is why I want to be sure, absolutely sure you mean this. No turning back once it happens."

She shook her head. "No turning back. I'm ready. I'm terrified, but I'm ready."

"You think I'm not? I can't guarantee our kid won't be slated for something wicked down the road. My track record speaks for itself."

Her hand wove through his hair, her fingernails gently massaging his scalp, a weakness of his. He wouldn't admit it to Dean, but he loved it when she played with his hair. "If it comes, it comes," she told him. "I knew that getting married to you, Sam. I knew it was possible I'd get swept up in some sort of destiny crap, and I still did it. Well, now I'm deciding this. I'm ready to take this next step with you. I'm ready to be a mom if you're ready to be a dad."

"Yes," he murmured as his lips dove to hers. "Yes," he said again as he peppered her face with kisses. "Definitely, yes."

* * *

It was closing in on midmorning when Sam stepped out of their room. He saw Dean lounging against the Impala and walked over to him. "You two okay?"

Dean glanced up and Sam winced as he caught sight of not only the shiner his brother was now sporting, but the cut on his face. "Do I want to know?"

Dean grinned. "I owe the motel one hell of a cleanup bill. After she threw about everything in the damn place, and I apologized because I'm the world's biggest idiot, and she apologized for ever even considering the two of them stripping, we ended up breaking the rest of the joint. I woke up this morning half off the mattress, which was on the floor."

Sam let out a whistle. "Wow."

Dean's grin grew. "It was awesome. I tell ya, man, weird ass angry/sexy/fucked up sex with my wife is the best on the planet."

"I'll take your word for it."

Dean looked him over. "You, ah, you got a couple of hickey's, dude."

"My hickeys compared to your bruises and cuts? I think I fared better than you."

"Matter of opinion," Dean muttered. "You mind driving the Falcon back?"

"Ryan give you permission to ask that?"

"It was her suggestion. Said something about needing to reclaim the Impala since you and Andy desecrated it last night."

"THAT is a matter of opinion," Sam shot back. "Sure. I'll drive it. What's she doing?"

"Getting dressed. She seemed to think I wouldn't be able to let her get dressed without wanting to fuck her again."

"She was right."

Dean nodded. "You're damn right she was right. Fuck. What is it about our women?"

Sam shook his head. "I don't know, man. But we're two lucky bastards."

"Finally. Finally our luck came in, brother."

"Amen for that."

* * *

After a breakfast sandwich and a pit stop at the bakery the girls had told them about the night before, they decided to go on back home. Their wives had cooked up an idea for a girl's night the following weekend to make it up to Tory for being assholes to her, something Sam approved of. Tory was…an interesting person, but he really liked her. He was just glad Cas had somewhat domesticated her. She would have scared him otherwise.

That was how he found himself showing up to Dean's house the following Saturday night, bag in hand. "I can't believe they kicked me out of my own house."

Dean chortled and snagged a beer out of the fridge before tossing it his way. Sam dropped his bag and caught it. "Thanks."

"No problem. So, you're hangin' out with us?"

"Yeah. What's your plan?"

"Meatloaf. Mashed potatoes. Gettin' the boys to bed at a decent hour and then watching some movie with no plot but plenty of explosions. Oh, and beer. How's that sound?"

Sam nodded his head and gave a smile. "I'm in."

It had been a while since the two men had hung out by themselves. Even with the little boys, who were asleep by nine, it was nice. "So, not getting misty on you, but I really have enjoyed tonight, Dean."

Dean glanced at him from his perch on the sofa. "You know what? Me too. We should send the women off more often. Why didn't we do this while they were hunting?"

"Because we were worried about their wellbeing?" Sam offered.

"And we're not worried about the three of them and what they could cook up at your house?"

"What? Last I heard, they were going to give each other facials and paint one another's toenails and watch romcoms."

Dean snorted. "What three women do you know? Dude, those are three hunter chicks. Mark my words, tomorrow morning that house will reek of booze and they'll be hung over as fuck."

"Jody came down. She'll keep them straight."

Dean shook his head. "It must be nice to be so naïve."

"Shut up."

The next morning, Sam was more than a little eager to prove his brother wrong, so, they loaded up the boys, took them for breakfast, then swung by Sam and Andy's house. "Boys, you two stay in the car," Dean instructed as he got out. "Play on your iPad, Bob. Okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," Bobby stated. Jon was fascinated by Elmo playing on the screen in front of him from the DVD player.

"Dude, how the hell do you stand Elmo's voice?"

"I tune it out for the most part. Booze does the rest." Dean smirked. "I heard you'd better get used to it."

Sam smiled. "Andy tell you?"

He shook his head. "We don't talk girlie shit, Sam. Andy and I talk about important stuff."

Sam almost hated to ask, but couldn't stop his mouth from inquiring, "Such as?"

Dean thought a moment. "Hell, I don't know, but not shit like that. I don't want to know when Andy's cycle is or if she took her temperature this morning. That's shit she can talk to you and Ryan about." He paused. "But if you knock her up soon I'm gonna be pissed."

"Why, asshat?"

Dean walked up the steps to the front door. "Because, I'll miss my drinking buddy."

"I think you can handle not having a drinking buddy for a few months, can't you?"

"Yeah, but…I don't like sharing her," Dean whined.

Sam smirked. "Tough. Shit."

"You're an asshole."

"You're an asshole," Sam countered.

"Your comebacks are just as bad as mine."

"I've had years of listening to yours, my own have downgraded."

Dean snorted and motioned for the door. "Be my guest. Let's see if they're all sleeping peacefully like puppy dogs after playing in a sprinkler of water and rainbows."

Sam just looked at him incredulous. "Where in the hell do you come up with this shit?"

Dean shrugged and smirked. "Just pullin' it outta my ass, as always."

"I worry about you," Sam muttered as he unlocked the door.

They stepped inside and, true to Dean's word, the place reeked of alcohol, pizza, and… "Is that cigar smoke?"

"And weed," Dean added, sniffing the air.

"Do we go check on them?"

"For pulses? Yeah, I think so."

They moved into the house and found Tory passed out on the couch, snoring loudly. Sam took the stairs two at a time and Dean followed him to his and Andy's bedroom. There, they found Ryan flopped on their bed. "Where's Andy?"

"Right here," Dean chuckled as he swung the bathroom door wide. Andy was passed out, covered up with the rug, in the tub.

The two men exchanged a look. "We're not gonna mention this, are we?"

Dean shook his head. "Hell no. Let's beat feet outta here. Whatever they did, they did it."

They walked back down the stairs and Dean asked, "Wait. Where is Jody?"

That was when they heard a moan coming from the kitchen. She was sound asleep, head lying on the table, cup of what smelled like tequila still in front of her. There were empty bottles and pizza boxes strewn all over the place.

"Awww, we can't leave her like that," Dean said, shouldering past Sam. He picked up the sheriff and said, "Sam, let's at least put her on a damn bed."

Sam nodded and led the way to the first guest room where, not surprisingly, Jody's suitcase was sitting, open, on the bed. Sam moved it and let Dean lay the woman down. "There. That's better." Dean covered her up with a throw and Sam snorted.

"Dude. You're such a mother."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Mother_fucker_? Why, yes, yes I am. Because Ryan is a mother. And I fuck her. Ergo, motherfucker."

Sam rolled his eyes and followed Dean back out into the hall. "Well, let's go back to your house. They'll show eventually."

Dean grinned. "I'm sure as hell glad I'm not gonna be feeling their hangovers today."

Sam smiled as well. "Yeah. Me too."


	56. Not Meant To Be

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. But I do enjoy dreaming it was...**

**AN: OMG you guys! I'm SO sorry I haven't posted before now! I had the chapter ready but between vacation, having the kid go to two different girl scout camps, and getting TWO kids prepped for school, plus dentists, doctors, and Vacation Bible School, well, I haven't had time to proofread and post. My sincerest apologies and here is hoping the chapters are a bit more forthcoming in future weeks...**

* * *

**April 28st **

**Jesse POV **

She slammed the door in his face. He wasn't deterred; it was, after all, par for the course. "Nice, Hope. Real mature," he stated as he opened it and followed her in.

She turned on her heel, walked back over to him, and slapped him. "I HATE YOU. I hope you rot in Hell, Jesse Turner! I hope you get strung up and tortured for the rest of your existence!"

He watched her storm up the stairs and shouted, "Yeah?! Well I hope you enjoy your lofty prison in Heaven, princess, because I'm DONE!"

He blew out a breath and noticed four sets of eyes looking at him from the living room. "What?!" he shouted. "If you need me, I'll be beating the shit out of something at the bunker!" He disappeared to the quiet of the gym, imagined himself in workout clothes, and quickly began beating the stuffing out of the punching bag in the corner.

He wasn't sure how long he beat the thing, but he had worked up a good sweat by the time he heard, "You really gotta learn to drop your shoulder when you punch."

He glared at Dean. "Look, dude, you coming to bust my balls? Wanna kick my ass? Stab me in the heart with the demon knife? Fine. But she had no right to talk to me that way."

Dean held up both hands. "Not arguing that."

Some of the fight left Jesse. "I just…I get it, you know? What we got? It's got an expiration date. Hell, the whole thing is fucked. She's an angel. I'm a demon. Based on that fact alone, we should each just pick a damn hemisphere. It won't work."

"Maybe it won't. You're not wrong."

He sent Dean a sour look. "Gee, thanks for sugar coating it for me."

Dean let out a half snort. "Sorry, that ain't my department. You want it dripping in sweetness? You get Sam to talk to you. I'm just saying, maybe things will work out, maybe they won't. All I know is, she loves you, you love her…you do still love her, right?"

Jesse couldn't help the smile as he thought of her. "Yeah. I do." He frowned. "Even though I wanna strangle her half the time."

Dean let out a bark of laughter. "Welcome to loving a woman, son. It don't get any easier. Trust me, however, when I say whatever pain may come as a result of loving her? It'll be nothing compared to the pain of never being with her. Believe me. I know." He motioned with his hand and beckoned the boy to follow him. "Come on. You're old enough. You've been dealing with a woman that's half Fawcett, half Winchester, and has a damn halo. You need a drink."

"I'm not twenty-one yet…"

Dean shrugged. "Like I didn't have a drink until I turned legal? Please. What'cha take me for? One drink won't kill ya. I won't tell."

Jesse followed him blindly out to the war room where Dean poured two drinks. "Pretty sure you can't handle the real strong shit, but Fireball is good for what ails ya."

Jesse took the offered glass and knocked back the shot before wheezing out a breath. "Smooth."

Dean rolled his eyes and knocked back his own shot. "Lightweight." He sighed. "Look, if you're meant to be together, which, I'm pretty damn sure everyone thinks you are, then all the fights, the pain, the tears…it'll all be worth it. I was scared as all hell in the beginning that someone or something would come along and take Ry or the kids away from me. So I tried to push them away. Then I realized, even if my worst fears came true, I wanna look back at the time in between and know I fought like hell to be with them, enjoy them. If you don't wanna be with Hope, fine. I won't be mad. You two are old enough," he shook his head, "The two of you are mature enough to know what you want. But don't let her go out of fear. You won't be able to live with yourself."

"You don't even like me, dude. Why you giving me pointers?"

Dean sighed. "It's not you, man. I didn't get all the time with Hope Ryan did. I didn't get tea parties and pretend. I didn't get first camping trips and Band-Aids on boo-boos. I found her and like that," he said with a snap of his fingers, "she was grown up and I'm not dealing with it too well, alright? So, excuse me for not liking the guy that's kind of taking her away from me."

"So…you're supporting us?"

Dean poured another drink, shot it back, and contemplated his answer before he said, "I don't love the fact you're different species, gotta be honest on that one. And I can't guarantee I won't act like a horse's ass to you, man. It's how I'm hard-wired. Can't change that shit now, not staring down the barrel of the backside of my thirties. It's ingrained in me. But I'll give it a shot. As long as you don't flaunt it in my face. Feel me?"

"Yeah. I got 'cha."

Dean's lip quirked as he looked up the stairs. "Well, looks like someone's here to dole out an apology."

Jesse followed Dean's gaze and it lit on Hope, who was standing there with tears running down her face. "Jess…"

He stood like a flash and Hope ran to him almost as if she took flight, which, she may have. He hugged her to him as she started whispering his name like a prayer along with words like "Sorry" and "Forgive me."

"I'll just…yeah," Dean muttered. "Just, uh, remember curfew, and uh…don't, um…don't use any beds or tables or, uh, get horizontal, or…"

Jesse felt his whole head turn the shade of a tomato and Hope yelled, "God, Dad! We're not gonna make up like you and Mom do!"

Dean cleared his throat. "Good, ah, that's…yeah, okay…" He stood and all but raced across the room, bounding up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Jesse watched him go before he turned his attention back to Hope. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Shhh," he cooed as his hand one hand went to her waist and the other brushed up her cheek to find purchase in her hair. "Me too."

"I don't want you on the racks. I mean, if I want you tortured, I'll do it."

He smiled at that. He didn't doubt it. "And I don't want you stuck back in your tower again, Hope. I want you to be able to come and visit me, even after our time on earth is finished. Think we can promise each other that?"

"Yes. I do."

"I love you," he told her, making her gasp. She always acted so surprised when he told her. It made him wonder if she had ever heard it before from anyone outside of the Winchester family. Had her previous vessel known love? Sex, obviously, but real love? He wasn't sure about that. "It's true. I do love you. You need to know."

"I love you, too, Jesse. So very much." They stood like that, molded to one another, just needing each other's presence for quite a while. Finally, she looked around. "So…got the bunker to ourselves…wanna make out? See if you can make it to second base?"

"EWWW! Not in my presence, guys!" Charlie growled as she walked onto the platform at the top of the stairs.

Hope sighed and closed her eyes but then looked up at the door. "Impeccable timing, Aunt Charlie."

Charlie grinned as she began her descent down the steps. "Yep. 'Cuz that's how we roll in the shire."

Hope took a good look at the other hunter and her brows furrowed. "You're hurt."

"Just got thrown around a little bit. You should see the other guy. Oh, wait, he's dead. Nah, he's not much to look at anymore."

Hope giggled and stepped out of Jesse's embrace to walk to Charlie. "Let me heal you. How's Tory?"

"She's got her own angel patching her up." Charlie's nose wrinkled. "I love Cas to pieces, but I am NOT into listening to Tory's…vast descriptions of their sex life. I just don't need to know that Cas' vessel has a birthmark right on his…"

"Okay!" Hope shouted. "No thank you. I don't need to know. You can keep that info and take it to your grave, thank you very much."

Charlie grinned. "You sure? Because I can tell you things that'll turn your hair white."

"Nope. I'm good. Cas is…like a weird cross between an uncle and brother now. And I don't want to know about anyone's sex life, to be honest. Besides, I've got enough going on worrying about my non-existent one."

"I'm standing right here!" Jesse shouted indignantly.

Hope turned and winked at him. "Well, if we're not talking baseball, I guess we'll go home. It'll ease Dad's bag."

"Please do. If he's calm, then he's easier to deal with," Charlie told her.

"I know. Just for you, Charlie."

"Good. See you two crazy kids tomorrow. I'm going to chill out here a few days before I go back out."

Jesse waved a goodbye to Charlie as Hope walked over, took his hand, and led him up the steps. She kissed him once more, whispered, "I love you," then disappeared.

He smiled as he followed her home.

* * *

**April 30****th**

The day of the prom was a perfect clear evening. Jesse had been worried things would be heated between Krissy, Evan, and Ben, so they didn't go in and rent a limo. Instead, Jesse took the keys to Hope's finally completed car and helped Dean lovingly detail it. He really held no interest in getting a vehicle, but he was quite pleased when Hope told him he could drive her car for its maiden voyage.

He found, too, the time spent with Dean getting the car cleaned and ready was good for the two of them. He genuinely liked Dean, who acted quite a lot like Hope. He guessed it was true what everyone said, he was the Sam to Hope's Dean. And that was okay, too. It worked.

"Alright, I think she's ready," Dean said finally.

Jesse looked down at himself. He was covered in dirt, water, and wax. "Good. I need a shower."

Dean sniffed in his general direction. "No kidding."

Jesse's lip quirked. "Thanks."

Dean grinned. "Go on, hurry up."

"Why? You know those girls will be primping and shit for hours."

"No doubt." They glanced into the driveway where Ben was doing the same thing to Cherry. "Say, uh, how's he doing?"

Jesse looked in his best friend's direction and sighed. "Besides being a douche? He'll live."

Dean scratched his head. "Man, I hate this for him, but I tried to talk to him…"

"So have I, Dean," Jesse stated softly. "This is just something he's going to have to work past."

"And tonight? Who's he going with?"

Jesse shook his head. "He's going with two girls, actually."

Dean blinked. "Do I wanna know?"

"Probably not," Jesse admitted. "But, ah, word of warning? I'll do what I can, but tonight, tell Ryan to keep an eye on him, alright? Because shit could go south, quick."

Dean's jaw set. Jesse knew Dean hadn't really wanted to chaperone the dance which is why Ryan and Andy had volunteered to do it. It hadn't gone over really well because while Dean didn't want to chaperone, and no one else really wanted him to, he didn't want Ryan to go without him. Jesse suspected he would see Dean and Sam both show up later that night if they could talk Tory into watching Bobby and Jon.

It didn't bother him, either way. He was only going to appease Hope. He was less than interested in attending the "social event of the year". He hadn't minded going to the play. "Into The Woods" was a cool story and Hope made one hell of a farmer's wife, even if he didn't like Joey Thomasson stage kissing her. Which is why he'd gone and had a little chat with Joe before the dress rehearsal. Hence the fight they'd had not long ago. Not the one two nights ago, which had been over something even more stupid. He sighed. Hormones and angels didn't really mix, in his opinion. But he loved her anyway.

"Thanks for the heads-up," Dean commented as they walked out of the garage. "Ben! Need a hand?"

Ben looked up from where he was furiously waxing a spot. "Yeah! Thanks! Almost done."

Dean nodded and clapped Jesse on the shoulder. "I'm sure I don't need to warn you of what not to do tonight. No drinking with my baby in the car with you, and no…after activities outside the party you're going to, right?" The whole senior class had been invited to an after-prom party at Riley Waters' parent's lake house. Jesse really hadn't wanted to go. Since he and Riley had broken up, she had been less than friendly to him, but Hope had begged him to go, so, as usual, he was going along with what Hope wanted, if only because he knew he could talk her into leaving early. He'd much rather hang out with her by the lake at their spot. That was why he'd already filled the trunk with some items they might need that night. He wasn't planning on taking things to the next level, physically, but if the opportunity presented itself, he wasn't going to say no. Not tonight. Tonight was Hope's night and he would do whatever she wanted.

So he nodded and murmured, "Yes, sir."

Dean nodded. "Good man." He sauntered over to Ben. "Sooo…heard you're going out with not one, but two ladies tonight. Do I need to warn you what an incredibly stupid idea this is?"

Jesse chuckled, knowing full-well he would hear shit for this from Ben, later, and not really caring, ducked into the house.

He heard a whistle and glanced over at the living room where the girls were relaxing until it was time to get dressed. Ryan and Andy had even made 'mocktails' for them to enjoy while they watched some romcom on Netflix. They had gone to get mani/pedi's and to get their hair fixed earlier in the day. "Lookin' good, babe," Hope cat-called.

He rolled his eyes. "You're a perv, Hope."

She giggled and winked as she came over, a little more bold in her actions since Dean wasn't in the house. She leaned in and sniffed him. "Go take a shower. You smell like oil and car wax and, gotta be honest, that's a scent I associate with Dad, so…yeah…"

He laughed. "Remind me why I put up with you again?"

She just batted her eyelashes at him.

"Wait," he said as he snagged her arm and pulled her to him. He glanced around, and noticing Ryan and Andy weren't watching him at the moment, bent to kiss her delicately.

She blinked her eyes open lazily when he pulled away. "Thanks," she replied, breathlessly.

He smirked. "My pleasure."

She giggled and bit her lip as she turned and returned to her seat.

He blew out a breath. _And they say Lucifer is the devil. He's got nothing on his little sister,_ he thought as he hurried up the stairs.

He took his time in the shower and fixing his own hair. He'd gotten it cut, but it was still almost to his shoulders. He wasn't trying to be like Sam, he just didn't like the short haircuts Ben and Dean sported. They would have looked weird on him, he thought. So, he kept his hair longer. He made sure it fell just like it should, the way Hope liked it best, and he was just putting on some cologne when Ben banged on the door. "Other people gotta shower, bitch! Quit primping already!"

Jesse opened the door in his towel. "Look, jerk, it's not my fault I got here first."

"There had better be some warm water left."

Jesse smiled. "Yeah. There's plenty. May want to wash out the bottom of the tub first, though. Jacked off a few minutes ago…You know how it is…had to clean out the pipes…"

"You are one nasty fucker, Jess."

Jesse chortled evilly and whistled as he walked down the hall. He waited one, two, three beats before Ben shouted, "Dude! Did you really? Jesse? Dammit!"

Jesse let out a belly laugh as he walked into their bedroom.

He eyed his tux hanging on the door to the closet. Why in the hell Hope agreed with the theme of this prom… He sighed and started getting dressed.

He had slid into his pants and undershirt when he heard banging. He walked to the door and opened it a crack. Hope was banging on the bathroom door. He could hear Ben singing a Led Zeppelin song. Loudly. "BEN! I GOTTA PEE!"

Instead of answering, Ben just sang all the louder about a whole lotta love.

"QUIT SINGING! IT'S LAME!"

Jesse heard Ben retort, "Look, woman! When I'm the the shower, two things get to be free. MY BALLS. AND MY SOUL! So QUIT ALREADY! I'll be out when I'm good and damn ready! There are three other bathrooms in this house! Use one of them!"

Jesse slowly shut the door, chuckling at the siblings' exchange.

Ben came into their room about twenty minutes later, smelling marginally better and scowling. "The hot water ran out because I spent ten minutes washing out the bottom of the shower. Asshole."

Jesse laughed all over again.

"You're a douche."

Jesse smirked. "No. You're the douche. What the hell is the matter with you, taking two girls? This isn't going to end well."

Ben narrowed his eyes at him. "You know what? I might be a douche, but douches get all the pussy."

Jesse closed his eyes and shook his head. "Man, you're an idiot." He adjusted his bowtie and the thing Hope was making him wear in his hair said, "Well? How do I look?"

Ben turned and eyed him. "Well…not that I'd be into you, but you're pretty."

Jesse shot him a bitchface. "Thanks, dick."

"My pleasure."

Jesse looked at himself in the mirror once more. He never, in a million years, thought this would be his life. He was going to a prom for crying out loud! But, he was going with the only person he could ever imagine loving, so, it couldn't be too bad, could it? He swallowed hard. Nerves were starting to get him. He didn't do well in social gatherings where he was the center of attention, and being Hope's escort for the night, he knew that meant he would be getting a lot of stares. Hope was easily the most beautiful person in school. Not just because he was in love with her, either. She looked like a super model, and her easy nature made her so damn approachable, she was loved by about everyone.

"Well, let's do this," he commented, more to himself than to Ben.

"Dude. Uh…wait."

Jesse turned to him. Ben had thankfully already gotten dressed in his pants and shirt. His tie was hanging haphazardly from his neck. "Yeah?"

"Uh, look, not that I wanna know, but I've got to ask…tonight, are you and Hope…?"

Jesse felt his face flame. "Uhm, I'm not sure."

Ben's eyes darted this way and that as he licked his lips nervously. "Okay, so, uh, let's just say you did…you good? I mean, uh, hell, you got what you need, just in case?"

Jesse smirked. "Why, Ben, are you asking me if I'm carrying protection?"

"Yeah. Got your angel blade on ya?"

They both shared a nervous laugh before Ben sobered. "Seriously. I just want to make sure, I mean, I'm her brother, but in some weird ass way, I'm kinda yours, too, and I just want to make sure…"

Jesse put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "I'm good. If it happens, I'm prepared. Like a boy scout."

Ben nodded. "Alright. Good. Just, ah, just wanted to make sure."

"You're not gonna tell, are you?"

"Who? Dad? You think I want to be the messenger killed on that kamikaze mission? Hell no."

Jesse sucked in a breath through his nose. "Good. That's…yeah. Okay."

They stood there awkwardly a moment when they heard, "Jesse? Ben? I want pictures and you're not getting around it!"

They both groaned. Ryan and her camera were both equal pains in the ass. But Jesse secretly loved it. He'd bet money Ben did, too. "Coming!" he shouted. He gestured to Ben's tie. "You got that, or…?"

"Hell no. Fucking ties."

Jesse chortled. "Let me…" he imagined it tied, and in a blink, it was fixed.

"Dude. That's epic."

Jesse shrugged. "Sometimes it's nifty having powers."

"Nifty? How old are you? A hundred?"

"Shut your cakehole, Braeden."

"Make me, Turner."

They smiled at one another. Ben picked up his jacket and they walked downstairs. When they got to the bottom, Ryan gushed, "Oh my God, you two! I can't…"

"Ryan," Dean growled playfully. "You promised not to freak out on them."

"I know, but still! Let me be a damn girl for once, Dean!" she exclaimed as she popped him on the back of the head.

He rolled his eyes. "You two look nice," he managed.

"They look hot," Andy commented as she came into the living room. Jesse looked at the two women. _They _were the ones that looked hot. Ryan was wearing a dark teal dress. It had long sleeves and a high neck that covered almost every inch of her, but it was skin tight, leaving very little to the imagination. It also had a cut-out on her chest, showing off, well, Dean kept staring, so it was showing off exactly what she wanted it to. Andy was in a burgundy dress that was cut extremely low and was unbelievably stunning on her. The two of them looked better than he was sure half the senior class would.

Jesse smiled. "Man, you two are gonna show up all the other girls there."

"Watch it, slick," Dean warned, causing Andy to pop him on the back of the head. "Seriously?!" he shouted as he rubbed the spot. "Why's everybody so mean to me?"

"Because you're an asshole?" Sam provided as he, too, joined the group.

"Are we seriously going to have everyone come so you guys can parade us around?" Ben asked.

"Yes," Ryan answered with a head bob.

Jesse saw Ben open his mouth but he didn't hear what the other boy said as he glanced up the steps in time to see Hope walking down them. His breath caught in his throat. She had on a black dress that sparkled in the light. It had a short, fluffy skirt to it made out of that tulle stuff and a modest top that had like almost a mesh to it, showing off the gentle curve of her collarbones and cleavage. It was covered in black pearls on top in patterns shaped like flowers, and at the waist, it had white pearls that resembled a belt. She smiled as she caught him looking.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth, Turner," Dean commanded, causing Jesse to blink.

Hope bit her lip as she walked up to him. "Well? What do you think? Am I a convincing enough demon?" Somehow, she had wound two black horns into her gorgeous red hair and her makeup was dark around her eyes. She looked dangerous and sexy as all hell.

He let out a whistle. "Damn. What a crossover."

She gave him the patented Winchester smirk as any hint of shyness left her. Good. He never wanted her to second-guess herself, especially about how she looked. "Please. I make this look good."

"That's what I meant. Give me a decent shot, you'll be playing for my team soon enough," he teased.

Dean folded his arms and glared at them. "What team is that? The 'been ganked by Winchester'? It's a popular team with a hell of a roster. Keep running your mouth, I'll make you first round draft pick."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "First off, try to remember Gabriel is currently in the demon/angel crowd with The Mark of Cain. Second, they're talking smack. Haven't you heard them when they're fighting in the gym?"

Jesse smiled. Him and Hope weren't quite evenly matched, she was stronger than him with the powers, he was stronger than her physically. It made for an interesting dynamic when they fought one another.

"Doesn't mean I'm happy about it," Dean muttered under his breath.

Just then, he heard Ben gasp, drawing his attention away from Hope to the top of the stairs where Krissy was just walking down. She had on a blood red dress that would have made Jessica Rabbit jealous. It had a plunging neckline, not leaving much to the imagination at all, and though it went to the floor, when she walked, the slit went up dangerously high. She had red horns in her brunette hair. "Well?"

Ben licked his lips like a wolf. "Damn, girl. That dress ought to be illegal."

She rolled her eyes at him just as the doorbell rang. "That's Evan! Will you get it, Sam?"

Sam nodded and went to open the door. Evan, like Jesse and Ben, was dressed in a white tux jacket, but he had on white pants instead of black, and his tie and vest was the same shade of red Krissy's dress was. That was when Jesse noticed his own jacket varied some from Ben's. Where Ben's looked like the plain white one from James Bond, his had black on the lapel, to match Hope's dress, he assumed. She was smart that way. All three boys had halos in their hair to match the theme; girls were demons, boys were angels. Jesse really wasn't sure whose idea it was, but Hope had been giggly when she told it, so he suspected she had something to do with the decision. The boys also had wings they would put on once they got to the dance, which was ridiculous. Hope turned just then and he saw her demon tail sewn onto her dress. He couldn't help licking his lips as he took in the sight of it. She must have sensed his eyes on her because she looked over then and narrowed her eyes at him before a playful smile just barely touched her lips.

Dean and Sam both shook Evan's hand and Jesse nodded his head in Evan's general direction. He and Hope had hung out with Evan and Krissy a few times. Evan was actually a really cool guy, no matter how much Ben might have hated him.

Jesse watched Evan moon all over Krissy a few moments before his gaze turned to Ben. This was going to be tough on his friend-turned-brother, but he had done it to himself. Only time would tell if they would get past this or not. Hope was still, well, 'hopeful' they would end up together, but even she had to admit, she wasn't sure. And Evan really was a great guy.

"Corsages," Andy stated as she handed Jesse Hope's corsage. He had gotten her one with white flowers to compliment his tux. He slipped it onto her wrist delicately. He saw Krissy hold out her arm for Evan to do the same. Hers was red roses and baby's breath.

"Pictures!" Ryan shouted. First, she got pictures of the girls, then she got pictures of all of them together, then she got pictures of just Jesse and Ben, finally, she was finished and they were ready to leave.

He took Hope's elbow and gently guided her to the car. She gasped. "It really is beautiful." Dean hadn't let her see it for the last week while he finished the paint job. "Thank you, Daddy!" she said, breaking away from Jesse to run back up onto the porch, knocking her father back a step with the force of her hug.

Dean smiled softly and hugged her in return. "Anything for you, Hopey. Never forget that, okay?"

"Love you," she whispered as she pecked his cheek. In her heels, she barely had to step on tiptoe. She was an inch or two taller than Ryan.

"Have fun!" Ryan called out. "See you when you get there!" The teens were going out to dinner before the actual dance.

Andy nodded. "Don't worry, we won't start the party without ya."

Ben smirked. "Wouldn't want that to happen!" he shouted as he slid into his car and revved the engine.

Hope walked back over to the car and Jesse held her hand as she sat. "You think that's going to be a problem tonight?" he asked as he inclined his head in Ben's direction.

She groaned as they watched Ben's car tear out of the driveway. "I hope not. I just want to have fun tonight."

Jesse shrugged. "Let's keep our fingers crossed then." He smiled at her. "But now, I want to take you to dinner, Miss Winchester."

She smiled. "I think I'd like that, Mr. Turner."

He took her to dinner at a decent steakhouse, the one they went to for Dean's birthday, actually, and he loved watching her eat. She had this innate ability to make everything look delicious and she enjoyed food like it was her last meal. When she'd polished off a decent sized rib-eye, baked potato, and salad, he asked, "You want dessert, or…?"

She shook her head as she wiped her mouth daintily on her napkin. "No. They'll have sweet stuff at the dance." She grinned. "Besides, I want to be able to show off my moves with you."

The double entendre wasn't wasted on him. He knew she had hopes for this to be the night. _Their _night. "In that case," he managed, "Let's go." He paid the bill and held out his arm for her to take.

When they arrived at the dance, his eyes widened. "Hope…"

"It's gorgeous, right?" The space was continuing the Heaven and Hell theme, but somewhat tastefully.

"It doesn't really look like this, does it?" he asked.

She giggled. "Nope. Neither place, FYI."

He nodded. "Good to know."

They got their pictures taken at the pearly gates and also the fiery gates of Hell before they moved further into the room. Some little chickies came over to talk to Hope and Jesse ignored them as he scanned the room for Ben. He found the other boy standing, talking to Ryan. He squeezed Hope's hand and walked over to his friend.

"I tell you, Ben, you're your father's," Ryan was saying as Jesse walked up.

"What?" Ben asked defensively.

"An angel and a demon? I'm pretty sure Dean had a fantasy about that once…"

Jesse glanced over at the angel and demon dressed duo who were talking to Hope. Jesse knew for a fact the two were best friends and were on the cheerleading squad with Hope. Jesse had also heard rumors about the two, but he wasn't sure if it was true about their close…connection with each other. A lot of that had been locker room talk.

Ben smirked, looking an awful lot like his father and sister. "Yeah, well, let's see if mine plays out better than his did."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Just remember to be careful, alright? I've got my hands full enough. I don't need any little brats running around calling me 'Grandma', okay?"

He held up both hands. "Hey, I know what I'm doing."

Ryan shot him a look. "Dean did too, and he still managed to slip a few past the goalie if you catch my drift."

Ben grimaced. "Unfortunately, I do. Especially since I am the product of one of those scores."

"Just be careful, Ben. We all know you don't give two cents about either of those girls and they both seem like the type…" she let it hang in the air.

"The type to what?"

"Trap a guy," Andy finished as she walked up with a punch for Ryan and herself. "Hey, Ben, you got any booze I can spike this with?"

He gasped and clutched his chest. "How dare you accuse me of such, Andy!"

Andy glared at him and held out a hand.

He sighed and reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a flask. "Fine. Here."

"Good. You're underage, dumbass, and if you wreck that car? Dean will fuck you up. And if you hurt yourself or someone else? I, personally, will fuck you up. Whilst wearing these heels, just to make the embarrassment worse." Both boys glanced down at Andy's five inch spiked heels. She smiled sweetly as they both looked back up at her. "Just warning you. Don't drink and drive, doofus."

Ben smiled. "I knew you loved me, Andy."

"I love you enough to not let you be a complete moron," she countered.

Ben turned then and said, "Jess, tell them I'm not going to drink and drive."

"No, you're just going to use the booze to loosen the girls up," Jesse supplied. Ben's eyes narrowed and Jesse shrugged. "Just telling them the truth."

"Thank you, Jesse," Ryan told him.

He nodded. "My pleasure." He looked around again. "Man, Hope really outdid herself with this whole demons and angels theme…"

"It looks great," Ben admitted after Ryan and Andy walked off. He glanced around. "You seen Kris yet?"

Jesse sighed. "Man, I wish you'd just…"

"Just what? Nut up? Don't you think I wish I could? Hell, Dean was right. I'm a kid. I don't want forever. Not yet."

"Even at the cost of losing it?" At Ben's incredulous look, Jesse sighed. "Look, you're not ready? Then you're not ready. But you can't expect her to sit around and wait for you, man."

"But, come on. Evan's a civilian. He's not gonna let her run off and hunt, and she's not going to sit around here and be strapped to him. What? She's gonna go straight? Go to college and shit? Come on. Hunters don't retire, whether we're born into it, tossed into it, or run into it for revenge. We don't quit."

"Dean did. Sam did."

"For a year. That's like…an extended vacation. Recharging the batteries. Hell, even Mom knew if there was a way Dean could find any way to bring Sam back, he would. And Sam? Sam buried his head in the sand for a year, but even he knew he needed to go back."

"They're not girls, though."

Ben's eyebrow shot up. "Seriously? You're saying because she's a _girl _she might decide to go straight? Man, I thought you were a feminist."

Jesse recalled the discussion he'd had with Hope and shook his head. "If Hope was human, and had a chance at a real life? With like, a family? Kids? Hell yes. She would tell everyone where to stick it."

"Then why didn't she? She had millennia to change her mind and drop the wings. She's the one still carrying around her grace. She made the decision to remain an angel. She coulda given that up but she didn't. Know why?" Without waiting for a response, he said, "Because she knows what she should be doing with her life."

"And risking said life, day after day, is what Krissy wants? I'm not too sure about that."

"You're delusional, man. This guy is a phase Kris is going through. Once she gets him out of her system, she'll be fine."

"And you can prey on her when she's weak, or…?"

"No! Hell no. But if she said yes to me, well, I wouldn't turn her down…"

Jesse just looked at his friend. "You really are an idiot. Do me one favor. Look at Dean and Ryan's love story. Look at it really hard, and make sure you don't want a repeat of Dean's reactions. Because you do something like that with Krissy? She's gonna pull a Ryan and stand up for herself."

"Ryan willingly strapped herself to Dad," Ben stated.

Jesse nodded. "She did. But it took a damn angel convincing her to come after Dean now. Otherwise, she would have continued living her life. And who's to say, after she had the kids, she didn't decide to find her a guy that loved her?"

"Dad does love her. Always has."

"And he showed it in such an exemplary fashion until the recent past…"

Ben's jaw ticked. "I don't expect you to understand. You already got all your shit figured out."

"New flash, dumbass, Hope is an angel. I'm a damn demon! How the hell do you consider that having it all figured out?"

"You love her. She loves you. It's that simple."

"And that complicated."

Ben sighed. "We'll just have to agree to disagree, then."

A song came on and Hope started walking toward them. "Just remember what I said, alright?"

Ben nodded. "Sure."

After he and Hope danced, Jesse led her over to Krissy, who was enjoying a break with Evan. Jesse watched some sort of exchange happen between Kris and Hope and Krissy said, "Evan, would you please go get me some punch? I'm so thirsty."

"Sure, babe." He glanced at Hope. "You want me to get you something?"

Hope shook her head. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks. I've got my own lackey if I want something."

Jesse chuckled. "Thanks. I'm feeling the love."

Evan chortled and walked off.

"What?" Krissy stated as she crossed her arms.

Hope stared her down. "You know what you need to do."

"Wild horses couldn't make me."

"He's going to ask."

"No, he's not."

"Hello? You know him. You know he will."

Jesse was feeling out of the loop and decided his best course of action was to remain quiet as the girls continued their exchange; "He wouldn't. Not here."

"Especially because it's here."

Krissy sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she asked, "Why do you want this, Hope?"

"I don't, but you do. And you'll hate yourself for it if you don't."

"I'm with Evan," Kris reminded her.

"And you want one dance with Ben. Hell, I'll dance with Evan. Jesse can sit out one dance, can't you?" she inquired as she turned to him.

"If I must," he stated drolly. His girlfriend shot him a look and he shrugged before he turned to Krissy. "Yeah, it's fine. Go on."

"But…" Krissy began.

"You know you'll hate yourself forever if you don't dance with him at least once at the prom," Hope reminded her.

Krissy sighed out a breath. "Fine."

Just then, as if he had been summoned, (and Jesse wondered if perhaps Hope had done that very thing) Ben walked up. "Kris."

"Ben."

"Can I…I mean, could I…uh…?" He shrugged.

Krissy sighed. "One dance," she bit out.

He smiled a genuinely happy smile and grasped her hand. Just then the song changed to "Cake By The Ocean." Causing Jesse to look at his girlfriend. "Did you have anything to do with that?"

"What?" she asked, defensively. "I love them both. Sue me for wanting to see the two of them together."

"But you like Evan."

She nodded. "I do. And Evan is good for her. But I want them both to be happy. One dance won't kill anyone."

"Tell that to Faust."

She shot him a look. "Faust didn't actually dance with the devil. Pick up a book, Jess. Don't take all your knowledge from the movie Tombstone."

"It's an epic movie."

She nodded. "It is. But it's not exactly accurate."

"And you would know, how, exactly?"

She shuffled her feet. "I may have, uh, actually been there?"

He glared at her a moment before shaking his head. "I so don't even want to know." He motioned his head toward Evan, who was walking back with drinks. "Divert the MMA fighter before he opens a can of whoop-ass on my friend."

She shot him an incredulous look. "Dude. Babe. No one says 'can of whoop-ass' anymore, furthering my proof that in your desire to get my dad to like you, you're spending too much time with him."

"Hey, I give that man a reason, he'll find a way to kill me, Hope."

She giggled then walked off to Evan. Whatever she said to him must have convinced him to dance, because he sat the punch cups on a table and off they went. He didn't even glance in Krissy's direction.

Jesse watched Ben and Krissy. For a moment, Krissy seemed to forget they were at war, and Ben seemed to forget he was a giant douche, because they were both smiling and Krissy was laughing at some stupid dance move Ben was trying, and Ben was laughing because Krissy was. Jesse sighed as the song ended and the spell was broken. Hope wandered back over to him and slipped her hand in his. "Do they know they're soul mates?" he asked softly.

Hope bit her lip and a tear ran down her cheek. "No. They don't know."

He nodded. "Will they ever figure it out?"

"Eventually," she managed. She cleared her throat and put on a smile. "But tonight, it's about us. Not them. I can't fix everything, or nothing, really. But you and I? We get to enjoy our senior prom. And then after…"

"Yes…?" he prompted with a smile.

She turned and wrapped her arms around his waist as she looked up at him. She didn't have to look far. She was almost as tall as her dad, only about an inch or two shorter than Ben. "I want tonight to be perfect," she breathed.

He bent down to kiss her. "I'll do everything in my power, Hope, to give you the perfect night."

She smiled. "Being here with you? Well, it's perfect enough."

He shook his head. "I can do better."

She bit her lip and giggled. "I like the way you're thinking."

He glanced around. "Have you done enough for the night?"

"We don't know who's crowned king and queen yet," she pouted.

He let out a whine in the back of his throat. He wanted to get her alone. Even if they didn't do anything, he was tired of sharing her. "Then hurry them up. I want you all for myself."

Her eyes widened. "You sound like a predator."

He flickered his eyes black for her. "I am."

She licked her lips and smiled. "I guess that makes me the innocent lamb?"

He snorted as he flicked his eyes back to their human blue. "Sure. We'll go with that."

She swatted his chest and pulled away. "I'll go see why we haven't heard who was crowned."

Just then, the lights dimmed and Principle McNeill stepped onto the stage. She was a statuesque woman with ebony skin and kind, but knowing eyes. Jesse had figured she had seen a whole lot of crap as a teacher in the roughest parts of Los Angeles before she came to Nowhere, Kansas to take the position as principle to save her sons from a life in gangs. They were both in middle school, so Jesse hadn't met them, but he'd heard the stories. She was a gentle soul with a core of steel who took shit from no one. Including the two Winchesters currently enrolled at her school.

"Good evening, everyone! It is time we crowned our king and queen!" She held up an envelope. "I have in my hand, the results from the ballot." She ripped open the envelope and looked at it a moment in what Jesse believed was surprise. "Our new king and queen are Jesse Turner and Hope Winchester!"

Jesse's mouth fell open as he heard applause erupt and "Jesse's Girl" began to play. He'd always hated that song. He looked down at Hope. "Did you do this?"

She shook her head, her eyes wide. "For once, I really didn't."

He frowned. "They only voted for me because of you."

She shot him a bitch face. "Does it matter? Could you have ever imagined you would be crowed prom king? Come on. I want my tiara!"

He rolled his eyes but allowed her to pull him along. "Nice going, Turner," Ben smirked as they walked past.

"Eat shit, Braeden," he muttered, but his lip quirked as he saw the sheer joy on Hope's face. For her. Tonight was her night. He repeated it like a mantra until they were crowned and back off the stage.

Hope sniffed her bouquet one of the freshman girls had placed in her arms. "We can go now," she stated.

He looked at her in the light of the dance floor where another song was starting. The tiara was lopsided due to her horns, making her look like a literal fallen angel. He smiled, took the flowers from her and sat them on the table next to them, before he pulled her close. "You're beautiful." He kissed her gently, pulled away, and said, "You're mine." He kissed her again, pulled away, then told her in a guttural voice, "I want you."

Her eyes opened and widened. "T-Tonight?"

He nodded. "If you want to."

She licked her lips nervously and then gave him a soft smile. "I'd love nothing more."

"Let's go to our spot," he pled gently.

She opened her mouth to answer when Krissy came over and attacked her with a hug. "Come on! Time to go party!"

Hope bit her lip and Jesse shook his head. "It's fine, Hope. Let's go to the party first."

"Soon," she promised.

He blew out a breath, nonchalantly readjusted his pants, and perma-wood, and followed the two girls out the door.

* * *

The lake house party was just exactly what Jesse thought it would be. It was just like all the damn movies he'd ever seen about prom night parties. Kids in various states of dress doing God only knew what in every available room of the house. Cheap beer was being consumed in red plastic cups from a keg on the back porch. Harder stuff was in the kitchen along with chips and dip and a variety of other snack foods. Kids were everywhere. Someone streaked past him, naked, running and jumping off the second floor balcony to land in the pool. He hated every minute of it and was counting down the seconds until he and Hope could be blessedly alone.

"Man, this sucks," Ben muttered as he dropped into a chair next to Jesse.

"You've got two chicks halfway on their way to being too drunk to say no to a threesome and you're bitching?" Jesse asked in surprise.

Ben glanced down near the pool and Jesse sighed. Krissy and Evan were laughing with another couple Jesse recognized but couldn't think of their names for the life of him. He sighed. "Why don't you just man up and tell her how you feel?"

"Because, Dad's right. I'm gonna fuck this up if I try it and I don't…" he shrugged.

"You know, it's highly possible Dean Winchester is wrong. It's happened once or twice."

Ben contemplated that a moment. "Maybe he is. But then, maybe he isn't, and I can't take that chance."

"So you're gonna let Evan just horn in on her? What if he manages to sweep her off her feet, Ben? What then?"

"Then she was never mine to begin with."

"That's bullshit. She's never gonna go for you if you don't show her you're worth it. Don't be a dick about this."

"I'm afraid that's the problem!" Ben's shoulders slumped. "What if I manage to…what if I realize I don't want her once I have her? Dad's right. I can't destroy her that way."

"Dumbass," Jesse sneered. "That proves you actually LOVE her, Dipshit."

Ben shook his head. "No. I can't do that. I can't take that chance."

Jesse shot him a stony look. "You really are like him, aren't you? You think you're not good enough for her!"

"I know I'm not! Hell, Jess, just think about this a minute."

"Dude. We're teenagers. There is legit nothing you've done to prove you aren't worthy of her. So, you've slept around. News flash; she's not a virgin, bud. Hate to break it to you. So, you're toe-to-toe for that one. Let's see…you're a newbie hunter. Well, Evan isn't even a hunter. He's going to college. So? You could if you wanted to. You're damn smart, you just don't want to be a doctor. What part of you makes you think you're not good enough?"

"It's the curse."

Jesse's brows furrowed. "What curse?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Come on, man. The family curse! Take a look at Sam and Dean's lives. Look what happened to the first girl Sam loved!"

"Yeah, because the odds of Krissy winding up dead, burning on a ceiling are so high," Jesse stated derisively.

Ben shook his head. "You don't get it. You can't."

"I'm in love with a Winchester. I'm not worried."

"But you're supernatural, Jess. You're part demon. You've already got that in your back pocket to protect you."

"Because being a demon means I can't be killed? Think about what you're saying, Ben."

Ben shook his head adamantly. "No. I'm not doing that to Kris."

"You know this just proves you actually love her, right? You're gonna give her up because you think you're the poison."

"I know I am. Just like Dad. Just like Sam."

"Guess what? They're happy and in love, man!"

"Now that they're…" Ben sighed. "Give me a few years. Maybe…I just…"

"You're an idiot. You know that, right?"

"Tell me something I don't know."

Jesse looked down at Krissy and Evan again. "So? What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go get drunk."

Jesse groaned. "Because that always ends well."

Ben shrugged. "It beats the alternative."

"What? Calling it a night and going home sober?"

"Offing myself." At Jesse's gasp of horror, Ben took a step back. "I'm not gonna, okay? I know the whole cosmos has some damn plan and that includes me being in the world. But it's occurred to me, alright?"

"All because you're too chicken shit to admit to Krissy how you feel?"

"All because I'm afraid of condemning her to whatever is in store for me."

"Winchesters. You all have such a fucking martyr complex!"

Ben gave him a sad smile and Jesse hated seeing the tears at the corners of his best friend's eyes. "Hey, well, I am one, so…"

"You okay? Be honest."

"No. But I will be. Let me get my drink on, find something nice and warm to slip it into, then I'll be good to go."

Jesse wished he had some words of wisdom, but he didn't. So he just watched his friend walk off and he sighed anew.

He was still sitting there twenty minutes later when Hope found him. She eased onto his lap and wrapped an arm around his neck as she leaned in to whisper, "Want to get out of here?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Thought you wanted to party."

She shrugged. "I came, I saw, and now, I'm ready to go."

The smile spread lazily across his mouth as he stood, picking her up as he went. "If you're ready, then by all means." He dipped his head to hers and their lips brushed, petal soft. "Hey."

"Yeah?" she breathed as her eyes fluttered open.

"I love you, Hope Winchester."

She smiled and bit her lip innocently. "I love you, too, Jesse Turner."

"Want to drive, or come back for the car?"

She licked her lips. "I want you. But I can wait for us to get there with the car."

He nodded and was about to turn and walk back into the house when she gasped. "Hope?"

Her brows furrowed and her jaw set. "Shit. Fuck!"

He wanted to ask what was going on, but a disturbance out in the darkened yard got his attention. And then he knew, tonight wasn't going to be their night. "Fucking hell," he growled. He watched Hope disappear and he followed her, down to the brawl that was occurring just out of the reach of the house's floodlights.

The sight that met him really shouldn't have surprised him. Ben and Evan were both bloody and looking like they'd gone ten rounds already, showing Jesse how much Ben really had learned from all that training Dean had pushed on them to prepare them for the hunting lifestyle. "Break it up!" he shouted as he walked toward them. He glanced at Hope, who was holding a sobbing Krissy. He sighed and froze time.

"Jess?" Hope managed.

He shrugged. "Uh…surprise?"

"You can _do _that?!"

He nodded. His powers had been getting stronger lately and it was freaking him out just slightly. He knew Lucifer was boxed up tight in his cage, knew it to his toes, but he was still becoming more powerful. "Yeah, uh, kind of found out by mistake…"

She stepped out of Krissy's embrace and glanced around. Everyone was frozen except the two of them. "Why didn't it work on me?"

"I don't think it works on demons or angels. I've only played with it a few times. I tried it on Bobby and Jon and it wouldn't work. But Sam, Dean, Ryan, Andy…it works on them."

"Cool."

"It's not a toy, Hope. It's some serious shit I know how to do."

"But it's still epic, babe."

He grinned despite himself. "True." He eyed the two fighters who were almost comically posed trying to kill each other. "What should we do about them?"

Hope sighed. "Well, I can't heal them both, everyone has seen them fighting, and I'm not powerful enough to scrub everyone's memories. Best suggestion? We break it up and take Ben home. I can heal him some, and heal Evan a little bit, but the night's kinda ruined." She kicked Ben's frozen shin. "You stubborn asshole! Why'd you have to ruin _my _night, huh?!"

Jesse winced. "Hope…"

She took in a cleansing breath and blew it out. "Okay. I'll be good. For now. But what in the hell are we going to do with them?"

"Pray Krissy breaks up with Evan sometime soon?"

She shot him a glare.

"Come _on_, Hope! You know as well as I do, Ben and Kris are soul mates! No one can get under your skin like that unless they are! So? They've both got to get their heads out of their asses. Ben's an immature man-child and Krissy's acting like a frigid bitch. It is what it is."

"It's not up to us, Jess. It's them. They have to work it out."

"Doesn't mean I'm not disappointed in both of them," he countered.

"Me too. But until they _do _work it out, the best we can do is be there for them."

He eyed her a moment. "How did you get so smart and mature?"

She shrugged. "Maybe you bring out the best in me."

He smiled at that. "Maybe I do." He surveyed the scene once more. "Okay, let's go ahead and do this."

She huffed out another breath. "I still am really pissed we didn't get our night, Jess."

He walked to her and gently palmed her face. "Maybe it wasn't our night. Ever think about that?"

"When will it be?"

"When it's supposed to be."

She shot him a look. "I thought I was supposed to be the one spouting crap about everything in due time and all of it happening for a reason."

He chuckled under his breath. "Sometimes you need a gentle reminder, Hope."

She walked back over and got back into position for Krissy. "Alright. Time in, or whatever."

He nodded and waved his hand as he dove in to break up the fight. "Enough!" he shouted as he shoved the two other boys apart. "You've done enough!" he shouted. He turned to Ben. "To the car."

"But…"

He flashed his eyes black at his best friend. "Don't fuck with me," he growled under his breath. "I'm taking your inebriated ass home." He watched to make sure Ben started walking toward the car before he turned to Evan. "Look, I don't know what he did, don't wanna know, but are you done now? You two beat the crap out of each other. Are you finished?"

"Not. Even. Close," the other boy seethed.

Jesse closed his eyes a moment before he blew out a breath. "Fine." He turned to Krissy. "Look, it's not your fault, and I'll ream Ben out for it, but you gotta realize this isn't the smartest play you got, Kris." He looked at Hope and handed her the keys to her car. "I'm taking Ben home in his. You come on once you get this…situation diffused, alright?"

She just nodded and mouthed, "Love you," to him.

He nodded and mouthed it back before he followed Ben out to the cars.

His anger continued to spike as he walked, and by the time he got to Ben's car, he was seething.

"Jess…"

"Not one fucking word, Braeden. Give me your keys and shut the hell up before I beat you myself."

Ben handed over the keys and they silently got into the car.

They drove about ten minutes before some of the fight left Jesse. He knew his friend was hurting, and compassion had always been one of Jesse's best assets. "You know, if you didn't want me losing my virginity tonight, all you had to do was ask me and Hope not to."

Ben's mouth fell open. "Shit! Damn it, I'm sorry, Jess. I mean, she's my sister, but I'd never cock-block ya on purpose!"

"No. Your Winchester temper did that for me, thanks."

They were quite a little while longer before Ben sighed. "I tried to walk past them. I really did. Maybe I said something Evan heard, maybe I had a look on my face, I don't know"

"This was not the way into Krissy's heart, dude."

"I know."

"She's gonna be even colder to you now. You know that, right?"

Ben sighed. "I know."

"Ryan's gonna probably kick your ass, too."

"I deserve it."

Jesse shook his head and rolled his eyes.

When they finally rolled up in the driveway, Jesse looked over at Ben again. "You okay to walk?"

"Probably."

Jesse glanced out the windshield at the porch and bit off a curse. Dean and Ryan were sitting in the porch swing, eyeing the car. "Hope you've got something prepared to say to them."

Ben followed Jesse's gaze and let out his own oath. "No, but I gotta face the firing squad. May as well do it now."

They both got out and walked up the steps. Ryan's feet were in Dean's lap and he was massaging them. Her high-heels lay discarded by the steps and she was sipping on a beer as she looked them both over. "Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Jesse managed.

"Where's Hope?" Dean demanded.

"She's bringing her car after she calms Kris down."

Dean looked them over as well. "I guess it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who you were fighting. He still alive?"

"Yeah. Looking about as bad as Ben," Jesse offered.

Dean nodded. "Go to bed. We'll hash it out in the morning. You look like you're about to drop, Ben. Did Jess check you for a concussion?"

Ben shrugged.

Jesse grimaced. "I, uh, I didn't, actually. I just wanted to get him out of there."

"Smart move," Ryan told him. "What's the damage?"

"Nothing worse than what you see and what you can imagine on Evan. They'll heal."

"Good. Thank you for stopping it before it got worse, Jesse."

"It would have, too," Dean muttered. "Go on upstairs, Ben. I'm coming. Let's at least look you over. That kid's tough." Dean slid Ryan's feet from his lap and stood. They watched Ben walk dejectedly into the house and Dean clapped his hand on Jesse's shoulder. "Thank you, Jesse. Seriously. You probably saved his life tonight. You're gonna be a great hunting team. But you're already a great friend."

It was probably the highest compliment Dean Winchester could have ever paid him.

* * *

**May Sixteenth**

**Krissy POV**

"Order up!" Mildred yelled from the kitchen. Krissy smiled through the window at her and picked up the plates, sliding them on the tray to deliver them. She really enjoyed working at the diner. Everyone was nice and the pay was decent.

"You take a break, girlie. Visit with your friends for the last few minutes of your shift. Got a hot day with Evan tonight, don't ya?"

She nodded. Today was Evan's day off, so he was going to come by and pick her up. Hope had driven her in, and finished up some homework while Kris worked her shift even though Hope had the late one. Somehow, Jesse and Ben had shown up and now the other three were in the booth by the window eating dinner.

She delivered her last order, snagged herself a soda, and dropped down next to Ben since Jesse was taking up residence as close to Hope as humanly possible. "S'up, Braeden?"

"Not much, Chambers."

"Why aren't you like, actually working?"

"The shipment of windshield wipers got delayed, big wreck out on the interstate, so boss man sent me packing. Told me to be there right after school tomorrow to put them away."

"Nice." He nodded and chewed on his French fry as he played some game on his phone. "No hot date tonight?" she teased.

He shook his head. "Nah. I've already tapped everything that's interested in me. No use in hitting seconds."

He said it cool, but Krissy shot him a glance out of the corner of her eye. Since prom, things had been…different. Different in a lot of ways, actually. First off, because Ben had finally stopped being a dick around her, which, in turn, had allowed their friendship to go back to how it had been in the beginning. The gentle teasing, genuine smiles, and playful shoves. It had been a breath of fresh air, and the peace in the house was almost palpable as everyone seemed to breathe easier around them. The only problem with that scenario? Evan had been acting like an asshole lately.

Of course, Krissy had raked him over the coals for the fight the night of prom. It hadn't been Ben's fault. And she would have loved to blame Ben for it, but it had been all Evan and his machismo. Krissy thought back on that night…

_**Flashback **_

"Carina, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen," Evan cooed in the darkened space.

Krissy giggled. She liked having someone fawn over her. "Thank you for tonight, Evan. It's been perfect."

"Yes. Especially the drive out."

She did grin at that. They'd stopped on the way and while it hadn't been a nice hotel room with a bed, he _definitely _knew what he was doing in the back seat of his car. It wasn't the first time they'd had sex, but it had been special, none the less. "You play your cards right, you could get a round two before I have to be home…"

His smile lit his face as he pulled her closer and kissed her gently. "Nothing could ruin this night." He pulled away and glanced behind her. His eyes darkened as he murmured, "Except that."

Krissy turned and saw Ben weaving slightly as he walked their direction. She blew out a breath through her nose and her eyes narrowed, but that was when she really looked at him. He didn't look so good, and not just because he was drunk. He looked…defeated. Had those two hussies gotten into a fight with him or something? She could bitch at him all she wanted, it was her right. But if anyone else had messed with him…

"Braeden!" Evan shouted.

Krissy blinked. "Evan. Leave him alone."

"No. He dares come near us, tonight?"

"It's a free country…" she began.

"No. He cannot ruin our night. I will not let him."

"Evan, you're the one ruining it. Let it go, let him go. He's drunk. Don't start something…"

"I can and I can finish it, too! Little punk ass bitch needs to learn some manners…"

Krissy watched him stomp over toward Ben with a sense of trepidation. She kept a close eye on them as she began walking toward them. That was when Evan threw the first punch…

_**End Flashback **_

Since then, things hadn't exactly been copacetic with her and Evan. Ben had been down the night of prom. She wasn't sure why, but he was. Evan had no right to engage him in a fight, especially when Ben was drunk off his ass in the first place. It had led to a fairly epic fight between her and Evan and she had demanded Hope take her home. Evan had been contrite the following day, but since then, he'd gotten cool toward her, especially since things between her and Ben were better.

"Earth to Chambers," Ben told her as he snapped his fingers in front of her eyes. "Where'd you go, space cadet?"

She smiled at him and elbowed him in the ribs as she leaned into him. "Nowhere you'd know. You're an idiot."

"Hey. I got a C on my last chem test!"

"You got that C because you copied off Jesse," she shot back.

Jesse's eyes widened. "Dude!"

Ben chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, I forgot to study. Sue me."

"It won't matter soon anyway."

"Dude! I am so ready to be out of school. And hunting? Yes."

Krissy looked across the table at Hope and Jesse who once more had their heads close together, whispering. They didn't flaunt their relationship at home, but when they were out like this, without the 'rents, they were like any other high school couple with the PDA. "I agree, but hunting is going to be hard on the two of them."

Ben looked across the way as well. "I do kinda hate it. I mean, what if one of us gets hurt or something? Just because they're both…more than human, doesn't mean they can't get hurt or even killed."

She nodded. "That's true. But, I mean, look at Dean and Ryan. It's kinda worth it, isn't it? The whole loving someone thing?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Not wanting to dwell on any of that, she cleared her throat. "So, anyway, do you think you're ready for a solo hunt? I mean, you guys haven't been on many. Not that I don't think you're ready!" she tacked on quickly, "But still…it's kinda daunting. I mean, I'm hella nervous about like, being a real hunter."

"You've already been a real hunter, Kris."

She shrugged and looked down at her fingers. She had a hangnail she started picking at. "Yeah, but, that was before. And I just…"

She felt his arm slip around her and his hand squeezed her shoulder. "Look, I know about when you went hunting before. I mean, you told us about that. And it was some seriously scary shit. But you're gonna be teamed up with a damn angel here. Not for nothing, but I think you're much better off than you were before."

"What if we get hurt?" she whispered as she looked back up at him. "Seriously, Ben, what if we get hurt?"

His jaw ticked. "Look, I don't know a whole lot, but I know you were already a great hunter. All this training with the Winchesters? With Ryan? With Andy? Dude. You're so prepared, it's not even funny. You're gonna kick it in the ass, Kris. I know it."

She smiled at him and leaned into him again. "Thanks. You're a decent human being when you're not being a megadouche."

He chuckled under his breath. "Yeah. That runs in the family."

"So I've noticed."

They sat like that for a few moments until Hope and Jesse joined back into the conversation. They were all laughing at one of Ben's dumb jokes when she heard a car horn honk. She glanced out and saw Evan's car. "Oh! There's Evan. Gotta go."

"See ya!" came the chorus from the table as she sent them a little wave and walked out.

Evan didn't look particularly happy when she walked out of the diner. As a matter of fact, he was practically steaming by the time she got to the car.

"Hey there, tall, dark, and handsome," she chimed as she slid into the passenger seat of his car. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Work was, well, it was work. How was your day?" When she didn't get an answer, she looked over and caught Evan's hard glare, which was currently set on Ben, who looked like he was braying like a damn jackass. Which, he probably was. "Is…is everything alright?" she questioned softly.

"No. How can you still speak to him? Puto disrespected you and he disrespected me like a jealous child. Where I come from, that's not something easily forgiven, and it's NEVER forgotten."

She didn't want to get into the fact the fight after prom was more his fault than Ben's and simply said, "You two rub each other the wrong way. I won't argue that. But that 'puto' you're taking about…he's rough around the edges and has a shit ton of growing up to do, but he's my family. I can't just write him off. I mean, we live under the same roof. I can't just…"

"I know," Evan put in. He sighed and turned to her. "And I don't want to make you choose, but trust me, Ben should always worry about running into me. So I'm making a choice. I won't be the man that stands between you and your familia."

Krissy's face fell. He didn't mean… "What are you saying?"

"I have to do what's best for you, novia. You can't turn your back on your de sangre, and I can't let Ben's arrogance slide."

"Your pride means that much?" she squeaked out.

"It means everything, mi corazon. It's all I've got."

Krissy opened her mouth to try and make Evan see reason, but his eyes spoke volumes. He wasn't budging. She nodded and swallowed hard, then looked down to avoid letting him see the tears tracking down her face. She finally took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to his lips.

She stood on shaky legs and he called out a soft, "Adios, carina," through the open window as he pulled away. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, but eventually she felt a body at her elbow. She turned to Hope whose face was a mask of worry. "Kris? You okay? What happened?"

"Oh, nothing." Anger twisted her features as she watched Evan drive off. And as she turned to walk away, she growled, "I just gave up a great guy. For Benjamin Fucking Braeden."

She heard Hope's steps as she ran to her and snagged her by the arm. "What?!"

"He…he didn't so much make me choose, as he chose for me. Him or my family. And he knew I would choose my family. Including Ben. So, he's gone."

"K…I'm so sorry!"

Krissy stiffened her spine. "I think I need to just go home now. I need…"

Hope smiled softly. "Let me take you home."

"You've got your shift starting in five minutes…"

Hope shook her head. "I didn't mean home that way."

Krissy's eyes widened. She hadn't flown Angel Air more than once or twice. It was always kind of a rush. Hope gripped her arm and then they were back in their bedroom. Krissy huffed out a breath and sank onto the bed. The dizziness was somewhat normal for the ride. "Thanks, Hope."

"I'll come home soon and we can talk about this, okay?"

Krissy nodded. "Nothing to talk about though. The decision is made. And I'm…I'm okay with it. We were gonna break up after graduation anyway. This just…pushed things along a little bit."

Hope sent her a sad smile. "I'm still sorry this happened. Want me to curse him for you?"

Krissy smiled and let out a snort. "Nah. Not worth it. He beat me to the punch is all. I'm fine. Really."

"If you're sure…"

She reached up and grabbed Hope's hand. "I am. Truly. I'm fine."

"Okay. I gotta jet. Talk to you tonight."

"I'll be here."

With the sound of feathers taking flight, Hope disappeared.

Krissy looked at the empty space where her best friend had stood for just a moment before she laid down, curled up into a ball, and closed her eyes.

* * *

She didn't know how long she slept, but it was dark when she was awakened by a body sitting on her bed and a gentle hand on her back. "M'fine, Hope," she began as she turned over…to face Ben. The light from the hallway painted his face in shadows, but she could see him well enough. He looked…tortured, for lack of a better word. "Ben?"

"Is it my fault?" he asked, his voice no more than a whisper.

"What?"

"You and him breaking up."

"Ben…"

"Fuck. I'm so sorry, Kris. Do you want me to go talk to him? His beef is with me, not you. It's not…"

She grabbed his hand. "Ben, stop. It's fine." She sighed and sat up against the headboard. She pulled her knees to her chin and put her head on them. "Dating Evan was a means to an end. I knew that. And I think he did, too. It was good while it lasted, but we're going to be out hunting soon and then I wouldn't have time to talk to him. I mean, we're not taking the summer off to go abroad, we're starting our hunting careers."

"But you'd have had a few more weeks…"

"A few weeks of living the lie? No thanks. I'm good. Really."

Ben looked down at their joined hands. "If this was my fault…"

She squeezed his hand tighter. "Look at me." When his hazel eyes met hers, she smiled. "What we have here, our family? It's a hell of a lot more important than my…itch that needed scratching, alright? I never, not for one second, thought about hanging up my knife or sawed-off to have some kind of normal life with Evan. It was going to end. He just beat me to the punch. Truthfully? I'm not really that upset about it." And she wasn't. Somehow, over the past few hours, she had come to terms with it. Yes, she had given up a great guy, but she wouldn't have chosen Evan over the life. Over her family. Maybe that was why she was so calm now. She had kept him at arm's length and he knew it.

"Are you sure? I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack, but I'm smart enough to know the reason he broke up with you was me. What happened after prom…"

"Was his fault," she told him. "It was all on him. You were minding your own business and he acted like a horse's ass." She paused. "What was wrong with you that night, anyway? The doublemint twins not put out or what?"

He looked away and shrugged. "They didn't, no, but that wasn't what got me down. I just…it's not important."

This time, she took her other hand and put it on his face, like she'd seen Ryan do with Dean. "You can talk to me. You know that, right? I mean, forget all the other shit. I'm here for you. I kinda fell down on my job, didn't I?"

His eyes hit hers again. "No! I'm the one that's been acting like a douche to you."

"We've both made mistakes," she conceded.

He moved his hand so his fingers were laced with hers. "I like this, you know? Us not being at odds."

"Me too."

"Dad quotes Bobby Singer all the time when he says 'Family don't end in blood'. Well, it doesn't. And I'm really glad you're a part of my family, Kris."

She smiled. "I'm really glad to be a part of it, Ben."

"So, we're good?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah. We're good."

"Good. Now, Jesse's annoying the hell outta Hope at the diner. Wanna come play Call of Duty with me?" He stood, still holding her hand, and tugged.

She stood as well and smirked. "Only if you don't cry like a little baby when I smoke your ass."

"Please. You may kick my ass in the gym, but at COD? No way."

"What you want to bet?"

"Ten bucks."

Her eyebrow rose. "High roller."

"Bite me. I gotta start saving up cash for the job, you know."

She giggled. "Fine. Ten it is. But I want to see the cash. Last time you and Jesse played, you owed him for a month!"

"First off, it was three weeks. And second, I was spending my dough on getting laid. I couldn't give him my condom money. That shit is important."

She thought a moment. "Hmm, good point. Do you need that money now?" she questioned teasingly.

"Nah. I'm good in that department. Got my right hand for the job."

Her lip curled as she lifted his right hand, which she was still holding. "This one?"

He gave her the Winchester smirk. "Yep."

She laughed and punched his arm with her other hand. "You're a nasty ass, Ben."

He threw his other arm around her and wrapped her in a hug. "You say that like you're surprised."

She smiled as he let her go and led her down the hall, still not relinquishing her hand. She hated to admit how much she liked being with him. And at that moment, she probably would have asked 'Evan who?' if anyone questioned her.

* * *

**June Second**

Krissy walked into the kitchen with a droid-like gait. She couldn't believe it. It wasn't possible. God didn't hate her that much, did he? The house was eerily silent. Since it was warming up, the boys had been hanging out with Tory at the lake house, swimming in the swimming area almost every day. The other teens were at work, and Ryan had made a grocery store run. She sat down at the table in a daze as she counted and recounted in her head, her thoughts spiraling in her head like an F5 tornado.

"Shit. What?"

She blinked and looked at Dean. Huh. Had he been in the kitchen this whole time? She took a sniff and smelled the fresh garlic and basil. He was making spaghetti for supper. How normal. Her life was going to shit faster than she could blink, but they were having spaghetti for supper. The thought nauseated her. And the thought of being nauseated made her want to vomit, straight up.

Dean pulled out a chair next to her and sat down. "Spill," he demanded.

She felt sure she had a pained look on her face. "I-I can't talk to you about this. You're just gonna flip your shit."

His jaw set. "Why does everyone assume I'm gonna overact?"

Her eyebrow rose as acerbic thoughts distracted her momentarily. "Hello? Have you met you? You always do."

He shot her a sarcastic glare. "Smart ass. Look, you can talk to me. Shit will remain firmly planted. Promise."

His smile was warm and kind and Krissy was about as scared as she'd ever been. And she'd faced a damn pack of werewolves singlehandedly once. The dam opened and the sobs wracked her all of a sudden as she threw herself into him so hard, he let out a little "Oof," as she clung to him, crying into his soft tee-shirt.

"Whoa." His large hands secured her as the sobs continued to wrack her body. "Krissy, what's wrong? You can talk to me."

"Oh, God…Dean…" She sniffled and pulled away. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and managed on a whisper, "I'm-I'm late."

His brows furrowed. "Late? What's wrong? The jeep won't start? I knew the tranny was gonna give me issues. It's fine. I can drive you wherever you need to go, kid. It's not the end of the world, ya know."

"NO!" She took a stuttering breath and leaned closer. "I'm, you know…LATE."

Dean's expression slowly changed from concern to utter horror as the information sank in.

Krissy winced. "No flipping your shit. You promised."

Dean remained silent, but nodded and stood from the table. With purpose, he walked to the liquor cabinet. He didn't bother with a glass, just grabbed the first bottle he came to, Jack, she noticed, and turned it up. He took a few generous pulls then exhaled roughly. "SO you mean you're…"

"I'm not a hundred present sure, but…"

"I am gonna KILL Ben! How many times did I tell that kid, 'always be packing'? A hundred? A MILLION?! I KNEW he wouldn't be able to keep it in his pants-"

"DEAN!" she shouted to rein him in. "It's not Ben's."

"If it ain't his, then who-wait, EVAN?! Jesus Christ, Kris, you're having SEX with him?!"

She let out a hiccup. "Not anymore," she managed.

Dean, apparently, was still absorbing everything. "What?"

Krissy opened her mouth to respond when Dean held up a hand. "You know what? Never mind. I know how babies are made. I got four of them and probably a few damn more I don't even know about out in the world. Please, spare me the details." He took another generous swig of liquor. "My God," he muttered as if a thought just occurred to him. "I'm gonna be a-a GRANDFATHER?! Holy shit…" he trailed off and bent down to put his head between his legs. "This…this isn't happening," he murmured. "I'm so not ready for this."

Krissy was certain she looked as defeated as she felt as she buried her head in her hands as the sobs started again. "What the hell am I gonna DO?! Evan broke up with me. I don't have anyone else…"

She felt a body at her side and felt Dean's strong hands tugging her hands away from her face. He put one huge hand under her chin and lifted her eyes to his. "How can you say that?" his voice was barely over a gruff whisper. "You been with us how long now, and you still don't know come hell or high water, we got your back? Whatever you need, we're here. And if it turns out you are? Just one more person in this house to love, you got it? You are NOT alone in this."

"Th-Thank you so much," she managed as she wiped her face again with the back of her hand. "But I'm terrified. Being a single mom wasn't something I was expecting."

"Speaking of, does Evan know?"

"No! God! I couldn't bring myself to tell him until I knew for sure. I'd be humiliated if all this turns out to be a false alarm and I scared the bejeezus out of him for nothing."

"Only one way to find out."

"Pregnancy test?" she questioned.

A half smile lit his face. "Kind of." He lifted his eyes to the ceiling. "Cas? Got a minute? I'm kinda in the middle of an after-school special down here."

The angel appeared within seconds. Dean didn't wait for him to speak, just stood and pointed at Krissy. "Work your mojo on her, tell us if she's carrying…" he seemed incapable of saying the words and went with, "Anything extra."

Cas looked her up and down. "She appears to have the same amount of heads and appendages as the last time I saw her. Could you not see that for yourself?"

"No, man, we need to know if she's eating for two!" Dean had looked green around the gills earlier, but now, Castiel's puzzled look seemed to be annoying him. "Does she have a bun in the oven or not?!"

"I don't see how her appetite is of any relevance-"

Dean grabbed the angel's wrist and placed his hand on her forehead and ground out impatiently, "Is. She. Pregnant?"

"Your figures of speech are very confusing, despite the pop culture references Metatron graced me with." The seraph's eyes narrowed as he moved his hand and pressed it to Krissy's abdomen. "No. She is not with child."

"Really?!" Krissy felt a level of relief she could have never imagined.

"Yes, but your menstrual cycles have become irregular due to stress. I recommend-"

"Alright, Mr. Overshare," Dean interrupted with a scowl. "That'll do."

"You're the best, Cas!" Krissy jumped up and wrapped her arms around the angel's waist and squeezed.

Cas hugged her back with a smile. "You are most welcome. If that is all, may I get back to my female? Ryan is on the way home with the boys. She should be arriving…" just then, they heard the Expedition pulling into the driveway.

"By all means," Dean said, clearly not interested in why Cas was in such a hurry. "Appreciate it, man. Really."

"Of course." With a flutter of wings, he was gone.

Dean stared at the empty space a moment, then moved to turn to Krissy. "There. See? Crisis averted-" he was cut off by Krissy squeezing his waist.

"There aren't words. Thank you so much. I-I love you," she said softly. It was the first time she had ever told him, now that she came to think about it. He hadn't replaced her father, but he was now at the very least, in an honorary spot in her heart next to Lee Chambers.

He placed a hand to the back of her head and kissed her hair. "I love you, too, kid. Remember, I got you, fam."

She pulled away. "And just like that, a tender moment dies. Along with another slang phrase."

He mock-gasped. "What? I think I pulled it off."

She grinned. "You think too highly of yourself."

"Either way, it's the truth. I got your six, Krissy. And every other person in this family does, too, whether they live in this house or not."

"Yeah," her voice was soft as she looked at the linoleum floor. "I know."

"And for the record, I barely flipped my shit."

She put a hand to her chin, leaned back slightly, and looked at him. "Well, you didn't triple lindy. It was more of a somersault."

He held his hands out. "See? If that doesn't scream 'character development' I don't know what does."

She giggled and hugged him again. She heard Ryan and the boys coming up the porch steps. "Think we can keep this between us?"

"Mum's the word," he told her on a nod.

"Thank God the word isn't 'Mom'."

They both shivered at that. "Definitely," Dean stated. "I'm all for you having kids, but not yet, alright?"

She nodded. "I'm with you there."

"One more thing," he told her, his voice dropping. "If I hear of you doing it again without whoever you're with wearing a condom? I'm gonna kick your ass. Got it?"

Her eyes widened. It had been foolish of her. She was on the pill, but that wasn't effective, not 100 percent. She should have been more careful. She nodded solemnly. "I promise."

He nodded once more. "Good. Glad we understand each other." He winked at her and walked toward the door yelling, "MY FAMILY IS HOME!"

"DADDY!" both boys screamed as they attacked him with hugs.

She smiled and bit her lip. Maybe she did want kids. One day. The conversation she'd had with Gabriel niggled at the back of her mind and she sighed. _One thing at a time. Let's get tomorrow night's graduation behind us first. _

* * *

**June Third **

"I still can't believe you're the valedictorian," Ben muttered as he slid the graduation cap on his head.

"And I can't believe you actually passed all your tests, yet here we are," she snarked.

"You know, some less polite people would call you a bitch for that comment." At her widened eyes, he held up both hands. "I'm not one of them, I'm just sayin'…"

She grinned and punched his arm. "Bite me, Ben. You're just mad you don't get to say anything up on stage."

"No thanks. I'm good." He looked this way and that before he murmured, "But I'm proud of you for being the smartest chick I know." He grinned. "And with all those damn spells you know, you're also the most deadly."

"Hey! What am I? Chopped liver?" Hope intoned as she walked up. "I'm a bad-ass seraph, need I remind you."

Ben nodded. "Yeah, but you're not as hot as Krissy. Sorry to disappoint, little sis."

Hope stuck her tongue out at him. "Good thing you don't think so. That would just be weird."

"Thought you were into incest," he shot back.

"TIMES WERE DIFFERENT THEN!" she shouted.

"Cool it, you two," Jesse soothed as he walked up. "Can you two not bicker right now? We're about to go line up."

Hope's eyes narrowed and Ben, in a not-so-subtle way, covered his junk. "I could curse you anyway," she growled. "No use protecting your bits and pieces."

"Ain't nothing bits or pieces about them."

Hope's lip curled. "You're disgusting."

Ben smiled. "I know."

Krissy rolled her eyes and gave Ben a little shove. "Come on. Letter B's go before C's. Then T's. W's are all the way at the end…"

"Glad I didn't take Dad's last name," Ben muttered.

"I'm glad you didn't too. Then you'd be sitting next to me," Hope growled in his direction.

Ben started to open his mouth and Jesse grabbed him by the neck and led him over to where the other students were lining up.

Hope let out a chuckle and grabbed Krissy's hand. "We are going to be graduates! How awesome is that?"

Krissy grinned. "Amazingly awesome."

"Come on! Let's go!"

* * *

A few hours later, Krissy looked at her diploma. She couldn't believe it. She had given up hope of getting an actual diploma when she decided to hunt, but now, here it was. And she was valedictorian, too. Unbelievable.

"We did it!" Ben shouted as he ran and picked her up. He spun her around and sat her back down on her feet grinning. "I can't believe we did it!"

"Now we get to celebrate." Dean and Ryan were giving the four of them a week to go on vacation. They had considered going back to the beach again, but since they had just been there the year before, they decided to go to Mexico instead. Their flight left early Sunday morning. They were all excited.

"Look at my four graduates!" Ryan exclaimed as she hugged them each by turn. "I'm so proud of you all!"

"Great job, guys," Dean told them. "Now, who's hungry?" They were meeting Sam and Andy with the younger boys at the restaurant.

"I'm starving!" Ben shouted, earning a few chuckles. Ben was always hungry.

Krissy looked at her diploma one more time. She was entering a new chapter of her life. She just hoped she was prepared for whatever came her way.

* * *

**Dean POV **

**June Fifteenth**

Dean walked in the door whistling. He'd just come from the bunker where he had talked to Hope via text. She and Krissy were hunting a pair of vetala while Ben and Jesse were hunting a werewolf. They had gotten back from their senior trip and gotten right to work, hunting. He was damn proud of those kids already. A glance to the right found Jon playing with the baby legos. A glance to the left showed Bobby at the table playing with Play-Doh. Ryan had her back to him as she mixed up something. Meatloaf. She was making meatloaf. His stomach growled. "Hey, babe," he said as he walked over.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her arm. "Babe? What's wrong?"

"One pound! Only one pound of meat, Dean!"

His brows furrowed. "Oookaaaayyyy…"

"The kids are gone."

Realization dawned. Mama Bear was having issues without all the kids in the house. "They'll be back."

She sighed and finished putting the meat into a loaf shape before slapping it into the pan. "I feel like nothing's going to be the same. I thought I was ready for the house to be quiet, for it to be just the four of us, but I'm…I'm not sure…"

He smiled. Truth was, he was missing the hell out of those kids, too. It would have been one thing if just one of them had left, but all four? It was weird. Their house had been so loud for so long. And now? Well, Bobby and Jon weren't quite as annoying as he thought they were. "Hey, it's understandable, Mama Bear. But you've got three Winchester boys to feed, not to mention Sam and Andy coming over half the time. We'll eat more than our fair share. And, look, it's quiet now because they're getting sleepy, but let them be good and awake, that'll change."

She sniffed. "I'm being silly."

"No, you're being a mom. And that's pretty damn awesome, Ryan."

She nodded and bit her lip.

He put a hand under her chin and lifted it so she would meet his eyes. "Go upstairs, take a nice long bath while I finish dinner."

She glanced around the space almost helplessly. "Yeah, uh…that sounds…" she trailed off as she walked away.

Dean watched her go and sighed. Was he gonna have to adopt another brat to get her past this? He knew her depression had been at bay a while, but he knew, too, just from what little research he had done on the subject, she could easily spiral out of control if things changed too quickly.

"Is Mama okay?" he heard Bobby ask from the table.

Dean popped the meatloaf in the oven and went to sit down next to his son. He hoisted the little boy on his lap and said, "Mama is fine. She's just sad because she misses Hope and Krissy and Ben and Jesse."

The little boy's lip quivered. "I miss Hopey, too, Daddy!"

Dean nodded. He'd gotten to spend so little time with his daughter. "Me too," he whispered, his throat thick with tears. "Me too, Bob."

Bobby laid his head on Dean's chest. "But she'll come home soon. They all will."

Dean nodded and kissed Bobby's darkening hair. "Yeah, they will. Then we'll be ready for them to leave again."

"Daddy!" Bobby giggled.

"Say, want me to call Uncle Sam and Aunt Andy? See if they want to come over for dinner?"

Bobby nodded. "And Henry."

Dean's brow furrowed again. For the past few weeks, Bobby had been talking about an imaginary kid named Henry. He seemed to think he had a cousin or something. It was weird. But then, kid was an angel with supposed vampy tendencies. Weird was the new normal. And Ryan reminded him, it was very normal for kids to have imaginary friends. Hope had a pretend brother named 'Angry' for a few years there, or so Ryan said. He remembered Sammy having an imaginary friend named Sully for a while there, too. "Okay, Bob. Sounds…good." He stood and plopped the boy back into his chair then pulled out his cell phone as he walked to the pantry to get out potatoes.

Sam picked up on the second ring. "What?"

"Nice to talk to you too, sunshine. You and your not-so-blushing bride want dinner?"

Sam sighed. "Andy? You want food? Dean's cooking."

Dean heard Andy make some snarky reply and Sam sighed again. "Sure. We'll be right over."

"Is…now a bad time?"

"No. She's just in a bitchy mood and taking it out of my ass."

Dean smirked. "Ah, the joys of being married. I would say I'm sorry, dude, but I got my own wife to deal with, one who is currently suffering some serious 'Empty Nest Syndrome' so I'm a little low on the sympathy."

"You're always low on the sympathy," Sam shot back.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I am. See you guys in about an hour? I just put the meatloaf in."

"We'll be there."

"Why don't you and her…" He glanced over and saw Bobby watching him. "Do the horizontal Mambo? Put you both in a better mood. Nothing perks a person up better than angry S.E.X. if you catch my drift."

"Dude, you literally just spelled it out."

"Well, there ya go. Good luck with that. See you in an hour." He punched the button on his phone and slipped it back in his pocket. He glanced over at Ryan's iPod dock and turned on some CCR.

About forty-five minutes later, Ryan came back downstairs, hair extra curly due to the humidity of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of cutoffs and one of his teeshirts. A glance at her toes showed a pink-orange color she called 'Hot House Flower' on them. She was smiling, which was a good sign. She walked over and kissed him, tenderly at first, but then with enough passion to make him wanna do her on the countertop.

When she finally pulled away, he asked gruffly, "Not that I mind, but what the hell was that?"

She smiled. "Just thanking my man for looking out for me. I'm sorry I've been kinda down lately."

"I miss 'em too, Ryan. It's an adjustment. I get that."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well…" She glanced at the table, which was set for six. "We having company?"

"I figured Sam and Andy could come over…"

She smiled again. "Thank you. Now what needs doing?"

"You need to snag yourself a beer and drop your sexy ass in that chair over there while I finish dinner."

She let out a little growl. "I love it when you get bossy."

"Not all the time."

"I do right now when my engine is already running."

He didn't have a comeback for that. She winked at him and smiling, walked to the fridge. She opened the door and let out a little scream of surprise. "WHY is there a dragon in my fridge?!"

Bobby looked up innocently from where he was now playing with the dog on the floor, rolling his ball to him. "Because it was hot?" he offered.

Ryan's jaw ticked as she slammed the refrigerator door shut. "Robert Gabriel, turn that back into a toy or so help me…"

The boy shot Dean one of the world renowned Winchester smirks but Dean just glared at him. "Do what your mom says. Now."

Bobby sighed, got up, walked to the fridge, and pulled out a tiny dragon. Dean recognized it as one of the dragons that went to their castle playsets. The boy snapped his fingers and it once more became a toy. "Better?"

Ryan blew out a breath. "Much. Thank you."

The boy shrugged and ran into the living room, taking the now plastic dragon back with him. "Fuck," Ryan muttered as she opened the fridge once more. "I stand corrected. We're going to have our hands full enough with the two of them."

Just then the doorbell rang and Sam walked in only to be attacked by the two youngest Winchesters. "I think you're right," Dean told her.

Ryan took a beer out of the fridge and tossed it at Sam, who caught it deftly before she grabbed one for herself. "You look like hammered shit, Sam."

"Thanks. Think you could talk your sister in law off the damn ledge?"

Dean and Ryan exchanged a look. "What about?"

"Nothing," Andy stated as she walked in, and by the look on her face, Dean could tell she was pissed about something. "Just the usual bullshit. Nothing big."

"Didn't we decide not to do this here?" Sam pled.

Andy held up her hands. "All I'm saying is I'm right and you know it and you're just being a stubborn asshole!"

"Here we go," Dean muttered under his breath.

"Yeah?!" Sam shouted. "And you won't listen to a fucking thing I say!" Sam ran his hand through his hair and slammed his beer bottle on the counter. "Damn it, Andy! Even Ruby listened to me once in a while, and she was a fucking demon hell-bent on destroying my life!"

Andy looked like she had been slapped. Dean's hands automatically fisted. He was about to say something when Andy shouted, "Oh yeah? Well why don't you resurrect her, you like her so much better than me! I give and I give and I give to you! You know what? Fuck this bullshit. I'm tapping out. I make you so fucking miserable, do I? Well I'm GONE!" She turned tail and ran back out of the house.

"Andy!" Sam shouted as he ran out behind her, but it was too late, Dean could hear the tires squealing as Andy hauled ass out of the driveway.

Dean looked in the direction Sam ran, fire burning itself through him when he felt Ryan's hand on his arm. He glanced at her and she shook her head. "Let me handle him. You'll hurt him otherwise, and I'm pretty damned sure he's hurt enough right now. Go find her. Diffuse this if you can. I'll work here."

Dean glanced out the window where Sam had fallen to his knees on the front lawn. "Were we ever like that?"

"Maybe even worse," she murmured. "Go. Take care of her. She needs you."

"And him?" Dean asked as he thumbed toward the window.

"I'll handle him. Looks like we won't be eating dinner anytime soon."

Dean's stomach groaned in sympathy but he snagged the keys to the impala from the hallway table and without chancing a glance at Sam, mainly because he didn't want to beat his ass for being such a dick, he slid behind the wheel and tore ass after Andy. His first thought was she went home to pack her clothes and leave, but when he drove by there, the only vehicle in the drive was Sam's beat up old truck he'd bought.

After that, he drove to the bunker, but Andy's car wasn't there. He was trying to figure out where to go next when he got a call from a number he didn't recognize. "Yeah?" he said in way of answer.

"Dean? Gina over at the bar. Listen, I got your twin here. She looks like shit. She's not even drinking, just sipping some ginger ale, looking sorry for herself."

Dean bit out an oath. "I'll be right there. Do not let her leave. She and Sam had a fight."

"Ah. Gotcha. Well, I've got some chocolate pie in the back. I'll get two slices ready."

"Have I told you how much I love ya, G?"

She chuckled throatily. "I'll remember that."

Dean tossed his phone into the passenger seat and gunned the engine, hurrying toward the bar. When he arrived, he walked straight in and found Andy at the bar, nursing a ginger ale out of a bottle. He slipped in next to her at held up two fingers to Jim, signaling what he wanted. Jim nodded.

Dean blew out a breath and said, "So, do you come here often?"

"Don't," she replied with a haggard tone.

He blew out another breath. "Look, there's nothing I can say. He acted like a dick…"

"No fucking shit. Give the man an award."

"I'm not your enemy here you know."

She turned to him then and threw herself at him, sobbing.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. "Look, it'll get better."

She pulled away and shot him an incredulous look. "Really? Really, Dean? Whatever would make you think it would?"

"It did for me and Ryan," he told her confidently.

"You ever think maybe we just weren't meant to be? Like, maybe something was off? Maybe…maybe I got it wrong. Maybe he was Ariel's soul mate and now that she's gone, he's just projecting. Or maybe he was supposed to end up with that skank Ruby…"

Dean scoffed. "Come on. You can't believe that."

"I don't know what the fuck to believe anymore, Dean. I just know I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. And now, more than ever, we have got to work through this shit."

Dean felt like he was missing something, so he asked, "Why now?"

She bit her lip and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Andy?" She closed her eyes and he felt it, that cosmic shift. "Andy, why now? What is it?"

"I'm pregnant," she whispered.

His eyes widened. "WHAT?!"

She flinched at his tone. "I'm pregnant."

"How long have you known?"

Her eyes widened as she looked at him. "I just found out this morning. That's where I went, to get a pregnancy test. Best guess? I'm a few weeks along. Less than three months, for sure."

He ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus. JIM! Gimme a double!" He slammed back the booze Jim had already put in front of him and snagged the glass from the man as if his life were depending on it. "Fuck's sake, Andy…"

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed as she started sobbing again.

He sighed anew, wrapped her in his arms, and began shushing her. "Come on, Andy, pull it together, alright? So you to had a fight. It had been getting better, right?"

She sniffed. "Yeah, I guess. I just…I told him I didn't want to go on a hunt, I wanted us to go somewhere. I was planning on telling him when we were on vacation. He started going on about how we needed to be out there. I told him we had two new teams. The two of us could chill a little bit…" she took in a stuttering breath. "It somewhat went south from there and devolved into what you saw before I ran out."

He held up two fingers again for another shot of sanity from the bartender before he said, "But, when he started acting like an asshole, why didn't you just blurt out, 'Hey, dumbass! I'm knocked up' and go from there?"

Her eyes hardened. "Because I knew then it would be about the kid and not about us and right now, we need us fixed."

"News flash, And, the two of you will never be fixed. You'll have moments, sure, but you'll never just be situated. Something will always happen. Marriage is a fucking job, babe. You gotta work that shit from now until the day you die. It is what it is. And that's not a bad thing."

"So…what about…" she put her hand on her stomach.

"Are you kidding? My baby brother's gonna be a dad! He's going to be over the fucking moon here, Andy! Aren't you a little bit happy?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah. I am. I mean, I'm scared shitless. What the hell do I know about being a mom?"

"Well, guess what? You got a hell of a teacher verbally beating the shit out of Sam at the moment. I bet she's giving him a worse beating than if I HAD beat his ass." She cracked a smile at that and he hugged her tighter. "Trust me. He's gonna be hella excited, Andy, I know it."

"Thanks, Dean. Really."

"Come on. Let's go."

"You alright to drive?"

He thought a minute. "Huh. Maybe I need a burger."

Her eyes widened. "Hell yes. With pickles. LOTS of pickles."

"And bacon."

"Fucking YES!" she shouted with a giggle.

"Hey, Jim! Tell G we need two burgers. We're celebrating!"

"Can do!" Jim called as he walked toward the back.

Dean smiled. "I'm so happy for you both."

Andy smiled back. "Me too, Dean. I really am. Now Sam gets his happy ever after."

* * *

**Sam POV **

He watched Dean race off after Andy and sighed. A glance back at the house showed Ryan standing, propped up against the porch, arms crossed, pissed off expression on her face. He groaned and stood. He hadn't meant to say that shit, it just…slipped out. He couldn't understand how he was a fairly sensitive guy until it came to his wife, then she just sometimes got on his damn nerves so bad, he wanted to just…he needed to breath. That's what he needed.

He took a few calming breaths before he walked to the porch. He made it to the first step before Ryan slapped his face. "Seriously?! Comparing her to RUBY?! That's the dickiest dick move I've EVER seen, and I'm married to Dean Fucking Winchester!"

Sam winced. "I know, Ryan. It was low."

"No, low is saying 'Your cooking sucks' or 'I've always hated that dress, it makes your ass look fat'. What you said? It was so low, I don't even think a damn demon would sink so low!" She ran her hand through her damp curls. "Fuck's sake, Sam, out of all the shit you could say to her, that one was one that would cut her the worst. Did you do it on purpose?"

"NO! It just…" He put his head in his hand as he sank down onto the step. "I didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out."

"No shit."

He sighed and he felt her sit down next to him. "Look, I can't…I can't take it back, but I can get past it, right? She'll…she's not really gone, is she?"

Ryan was quiet a moment before she said, "Honestly?"

He groaned and felt his world ripping apart. Had he lost her? All because he couldn't keep his trap shut?

He felt Ryan's hand on his arm. "Sam, come on. This isn't you. What's the matter with you lately? You and Andy were doing better. Why are you fighting now?"

"I'm terrified," he whispered.

"Why?"

He looked at Ryan then. Her brown eyes were full of concern. "We're…well, we're not, NOT trying for a baby."

Her eyes widened and a smile lit her features. "Sam! That's great!"

He smiled glumly. "Yeah. It is."

Her brows furrowed. "But…?"

"But I'm terrified. I mean, what if I'm like Dad? I've been compared to him before. What if I'm terrible at being a father? What if we get hurt or killed and the kid grows up alone, or…"

"That kid, which you don't even _have _yet, has a whole damn tribe to look after it. You've got us. You've got Cas and Tory. You've got Jody. Charlie. I mean, there are plenty of people to love your kid if something happens to you."

"I don't want to be him, Ryan. Dean's not, but he's always been more like Mom. Everyone says so. And they say I'm like Dad. I can't…I can't be that person, Ryan."

"And so, what? Now you're chickening out on wanting a kid?"

"No! Yes! Fuck! I don't know!"

Her lip quirked. "Clearly."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I can't…I don't know what I'm doing."

"Guess what, Sam? No one does. Even the people that think they're prepared for kids, aren't. God, you think I wasn't scared down to my damn SOUL when I said yes to Gabriel? When I went for that first doctor visit. When I first felt Hope moving inside of me? I was ALONE. At least now, you have Andy."

"She's gonna want to hunt, after a baby is born."

"Yeah. She will."

"How am I going to let her go, knowing that could be the last time I see her?"

"Well, you can't keep her and a kid locked up in a damn bubble, Sam."

"So…what do I do?"

"You live your life, Sam. Live your life, and then, you live it some more."

"You make it sound easy."

She snorted. "Oh no. It's not easy. It's the hardest fucking thing you'll do. But it's also the most rewarding."

He sighed. "Okay. If you're sure."

"I am. Now go text them, tell them to come back, and let's eat. I'm starving."

"Thanks, Ryan. Really."

She smiled. "That's what I do, helping my dumb-ass brother in law make things right with his wife."

"What would I do without you?" he asked as he enveloped her in a hug.

"Don't try, Sam. Don't try."

He chuckled and they both stood to walk inside. When they walked in, Sam noticed neither of the boys were in the living room or the kitchen. "Where are the boys?"

Ryan glanced around. "Boys? Where are you? Let's eat!" Just then, the timer started going off.

"Want me to find them?" Sam asked.

"No, I'll go find them. They probably ran upstairs. Now that Jon's steady on his feet and knows how to hold onto the railing, we aren't as concerned with him climbing the stairs. He's even more sure-footed than Bobby was. Will you take the meatloaf out of the oven?"

He nodded. "Sure. And I'll text Dean and Andy, too."

Ryan put a hand on his arm. "You and Andy will get past all this. Just remember to TALK to her. Okay?"

"Yes, Mom," he shot back, earning a bitch face from her. He chuckled and quickly texted Andy;

_**And…I'm sorry. I'm a dick. It was wrong. We need to talk. Please come back so we can hash this out. It's me, all me. I'm scared, okay? Maybe…maybe we need to think about being a couple a little bit longer before we have a baby. I don't know. We can work it out but we need to talk it out. So, come home to me, alright? I love you. **_

His next text went to Dean;

_**Can you bring her back? I know I flipped out. You can kick my ass later. But I need my wife. Please bring her back so I can talk to her a bit. I need her like the damn air I breathe, Dean. I know you know what that's like."**_

He slid his phone back in his pocket and went to find the potholders. He heard a sound behind him, and figuring it was Ryan, asked, "Did you find them?"

The blow to the back of his head answered for him.

* * *

He regained consciousness with a bag over his head. He struggled for a moment and felt something, or rather some_one _at his back. His hands moved over the feminine hands and asked, "Ryan? Ryan? Is that you?"

He got a groan in return and assumed it was Ryan. He tried to knock the cloth bag off his head, but it didn't seem to do any good. He felt around him. They were sitting, tied together, on a concrete floor. It was cool to the touch. The air smelled musty, but it might have been the bag. He tried to find any defining features about the place but he couldn't. He had no idea where they were or who had them.

Just then he heard a chuckle. "Who's there?" he asked.

Instead of answering, the person, who seemed to be to his left, chuckled again. He heard steps moving and then a door opening and closing. The room was then pitched in blackness.

He didn't know how long they were kept there, but eventually Ryan regained consciousness. "Sam!"

"Right here," he told her.

"My babies…"

"What happened?"

"I walked into their room, there was some guy, demon, actually, who had them. He had someone with him and both my boys were trussed up like thanksgiving turkeys. The guy put his finger to his mouth and made me comply because he had an angel blade at Bobby's neck." She started to cry. "Sam, what are we going to do?"

Just then, the light came back on and the bag was taken off his head. He couldn't see because the light was so bright, however, once his eyes adjusted, he saw demons start to crowd the space. But it was nothing compared to the sound of the growling in the space between the demons. He knew what that meant. Hellhounds.

"Hey, Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you still got your blindfold on or bag over your head?"

"Yes."

"Promise me you won't take it off if you can avoid it."

"W-why?" she asked, fear evident in her voice.

He swallowed hard. "Because. It's bad," he managed.

Just then, the demons parted and a new person joined the entourage. "Hello, Moose."

* * *

AN2: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So, I'm evil. Enjoy the cliffhanger. I've got one for like, the next few chapters, too. I would say I'm sorry, but you know I wouldn't mean it. I promise to post sooner. Much love! J


	57. Hurricane

**Disclaimer: I am not an owner of Supernatural or any of its characters. I just like torturing them for fun. **

**Author's note. Hi! Thanks for the reviews! Glad you liked the cliffhanger. Hehehehe. **

**So, I'm starting work tomorrow, but that shouldn't put me any farther behind. Matter of fact, I should be a bit more organized now that life is settling down. We'll see. **

**WARNING: Triggers for violence, torture, rape, the whole gambit. You know how this goes. If you're reading this story, you're aware how dark I can get...**

* * *

**Dean POV **

Dean was feeling pretty good. He figured once Sam talked to Andy about shit, and she came out about being knocked up, they'd be back to good. He and Andy both polished off their burgers and his sister-in-law had ran to the bathroom. While she was gone, he decided he'd better check his phone. He'd sent Ryan a text to let her know everything was cool and he was going to eat with Andy really quick. He hoped she wasn't too pissed at him. He could eat meatloaf sandwiches for a few days. No problem.

He smiled when he saw a text from Sam instead; "_**Can you bring her back? I know I flipped out. You can kick my ass later. But I need my wife. Please bring her back so I can talk to her a bit. I need her like the damn air I breathe, Dean. I know you know what that's like**_."

He finished his fries with a satisfied smirk and was sipping on his coke when Andy reappeared. "Ready to go…?" he looked up and his eyes widened at her ashen face. "What?"

In way of response, she thrust her phone at him. His brows furrowed as he read the text Sam had sent to Andy; "_**And…I'm sorry. I'm a dick. It was wrong. We need to talk. Please come back so we can hash this out. It's me, all me. I'm scared, okay? Maybe…maybe we need to think about being a couple a little bit longer before we have a baby. I don't know. We can work it out but we need to talk it out. So, come home to me, alright? I love you**_."

Dean blinked. "Andy…"

She sank onto the booth like she was in a daze. "This was what he wanted, Dean. Why…why would he say that?"

Dean was a lot of things, but an idiot wasn't one of them. He knew exactly why Sam had said that, and why his brother was feeling the way he was. "He's scared shitless."

"He could have thought about that before he knocked me up!" she all but shouted, earning a few stares from people around them.

"Shhh, I don't think all of Kansas heard you."

She ran a hand through her hair. "Jesus, Dean, what does he want from me? I can only mollycoddle him so much, you know?"

Dean nodded. "I do know. But, look, he's scared. He wants a kid, but he's a thinker. He's overthought this thing and now he's realizing how much he could lose by you having a baby."

When she made a dismissive sound, he shook his head. "Don't do that, Andy. You haven't lived with us as long as Sam and I have. We have lost a fucking _lot _and it's scary as all hell thinking about losing what you've got." He thought a moment. "He jumped into marrying you, which was good. If he'd had time to think about it, like I did, he might have lost the opportunity because he would have realized he could lose you. That's almost what I did with Ryan. I almost lost her because I didn't want to lose her. Which, hey, I know is fucked logic, but there you go. We lose people left and right and have had happiness so little in our lives…" He sucked in a breath before he let it out on a sigh. "He's terrified, but at the same time, I know, as soon as you tell him you've got a mini-moose growing in there, he's gonna be a damn puddle." He smirked. "I hope the antlers don't snag on the way out…"

She threw a French fry at him. "Asshole," she said through tears.

He grabbed her hand. "He's gonna be over the fucking moon, Andy, I promise. Now, let's get you back so you can tell him, alright?"

She swallowed hard as her eyes widened, but she nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

He stood, dropped some cash on the table, waved at Jim, and slung his arm over Andy's shoulders. They stepped outside. It had rained while they were in the bar. It looked like the wind had been somewhat rough, too, seeing the debris in the street. Dean took in a deep breath. He always loved the smell after a rain storm. Lightening flashed in the direction of the house. He could smell the ozone in the air. It had been a hell of a storm, obviously. He hadn't even noticed as he talked Andy off the ledge then entertained her through the dinner they'd shared. "Want me to drive you home? We can pick up the car later."

She shook her head. "No, I'm good. I'll just listen to a little Metallica on the way back. That should relax me."

He smirked again and pulled her in for a hug and a kiss to her hair. "Sounds like a good idea. Holy shit…I'm gonna be an uncle. This is awesome. I'm gonna teach the kid all about guns and knives and how to woo girls…"

"What if it's a girl and not a boy?" she questioned.

"Well, I'll still teach her about guns and knives and how to avoid guys like me, and, hey, if she's like Charlie, well, I'll teach her how to woo girls. No biggie."

Andy shot him a blinding smile and enveloped him in a huge hug. "You're so awesome, Dean."

He puffed out his chest. "I know."

She swatted said chest. "And thus, the moment dies."

"Hey, can't go getting too sweet. Got a rep to maintain."

Andy rolled her eyes but smiled again. "Come on. We gotta go tell my baby daddy the news."

"Holy shit. Seriously. A new Winchester. Man, I wish Mom were here to see this. She would love you and Ryan."

"I wish I could have met her. At least Ryan met her."

"She was an awesome lady with a lot of secrets. Kinda like a few ladies I know. Kick ass, too."

"Of course she was. She had you two," Andy told him as she elbowed him gently in the ribs.

He smiled. "Yeah…" It wouldn't do to dwell on the past. "Listen, if it's a girl, would you…are you gonna name it Mary?"

"Oh, names…we haven't even gotten that far, not really. Although we were kicking around ideas, just for the fun of it." She bit her lip. "But, no, Sam didn't want to name it Mary if it was a girl. He said he didn't know her like you did. Said it should go to you."

"We're not having any other kids."

She shrugged. "Maybe when Ben finally gets his head out of his ass with Krissy, they'll have a daughter."

"Not in the near future, I hope," Dean muttered.

Andy chortled. "Yeah, well, if he's anything like you, and he is, and she's anything like Ryan, and she is, it'll happen sooner rather than later."

"Shit. Don't do that, Andy. I don't think my heart can take it. Damn ticker is bound to be about fucked anyway."

"You know Hope would fix that shit if there was something wrong with it," she countered. Then a look of horror crossed her face. "Shit. I shouldn't say that, should I? Shit? I mean, what kind of mother curses? I…"

"Breathe," he commanded as he squeezed her shoulder. "Come on, And. You've met Ryan, right? The woman with the redheaded temper and the mouth of a sailor? Trust me, you're good on that front."

She blew out a breath. "Okay. If you say so."

"I do. Now quit lollygagging and let's get you back to Sambo."

"Lollygagging? Really?"

He shrugged. "You're about to be a mother. Trust me, the list of weird shit you find yourself saying will amaze you. Especially if the kid is a boy. Yesterday I had to tell Bobby not to put Jon's toothbrush on his wee-wee. And yes, we call it a wee-wee, don't judge."

Andy's face contorted as she tried not to laugh. He sighed. "Go on. Laugh."

She grabbed his arm as she all but doubled over, laughing.

"So glad I amuse you," he stated flatly.

She managed to regain her composure a few minutes later and wiping a laughter tear from her eye, said, "Oh, I fucking needed that laugh. Thanks, Dean."

"My pleasure. Now, let's get back to the house. Ryan never texted me back. I hope she's not pissed I ate a burger with you."

Andy patted her stomach. "Well, I'm eating for two, so I could probably go again."

"What about that morning sickness stuff?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I mean, some smells are really starting to affect me, make me wanna barf, but I was around a few of the ladies down in Peru who were pregnant. They all had suggestions to help with nausea and I guess I retained some of that knowledge because I've been following what they said and I haven't thrown up once."

"Good, And. I'm glad for you. To hear Ryan talk, she almost puked her guts up. But she said as long as she didn't get too hungry, she was better."

"Awesome. Well, looks like I need to make a doctor's appointment, too. I mean, I'm already on vitamins…you know Sam, always being prepared."

"Damn kid would have made a hell of a boy scout."

Andy smiled anew. "He's mine."

Dean rolled his eyes. "And on that note, let's get out of here before I lose my dinner."

She giggled and walked to her car. He slid into the driver's seat of the Impala and waited for her to drive off before he followed behind her. Everything was good. He couldn't wait for Sam to find out the news.

* * *

The drive home went quickly enough and before he knew it, they were pulling back into the driveway. It was starting to get dark now and he felt a pang as he wondered if the boys were asleep already. Ryan liked to get them in bed by eight if possible and it was already past that. Summer was almost in full swing. They were only a few weeks away from Bobby's birthday and the Fourth of July so that promised to be a party in and of itself. The older kids would be finished with their cases by then, too, and the house would feel full again. Huh. Maybe Ryan wasn't the only one missing the brats.

He smiled as he stood from the car. If the boys were already in bed, maybe he could talk Ryan into having a little fun on the porch swing once they got rid of Sam and Andy. Ryan had a little bit of exhibitionist in her. She loved it when he knelt in front of her on the porch swing and ate her out while anyone could walk past or someone could come outside…

He shivered as he imagined her taste on his tongue and sent up a quick prayer Sam and Andy would take their show on the road. He didn't want to see any more of their drama for the night. They had shit to work through. Being up his or Ryan's ass wasn't going to help matters.

The grass was soaked and his boots sunk into the ground slightly as he walked around the car. It must have come up one hell of a storm. He looked at the tree at the corner of the yard and frowned. Lightening must have hit it. One of the biggest branches was laying down, precariously hanging on. Green leaves littered the yard as well from where the wind had blown and there were a few smaller branches in the yard as well. Yep. Definitely one hell of a storm. He hoped the kids were okay. They might have been a bad-ass seraph and a cambion, but they were still afraid of lightning and thunder on occasion.

He glanced over at Andy, who was getting out of the car so slowly, he'd have thought she were hurt if it wasn't for the gallows expression on her face. "Man up, Winchester!" he shot over at her.

"News flash, dumbass, I got tits and a vagina. No 'manning up' will be happening with me."

He smirked. "So many jokes running through my head…"

She smirked, too. "Hey, look, I actually have a little Winchester in me now."

He stopped and blinked before grinning widely. "Damn straight." His smile grew even wider as he tossed out, "And when you're having sex with Sam, you got a little one then, too."

She bit her lip trying and failing not to laugh. "Fine! That was a damn good insult. I'm telling him."

"Do. Please. I had to learn to change that little shit's diapers. Pretty sure he hasn't grown since then."

"Oh, Dean-o. You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about on that front. And it's getting weird."

He grimaced. "Yeah, you're right. Okay. On we go. Let's tell him the news." He glanced at the door. "Huh. I'm half surprised he isn't out here already groveling on the grass, ash on his face, gnashing his teeth in repentence."

She looked up at the house as well, trepidation creeping back up into her expression. "Yeah, me too." She sucked in a breath, slowly blew it out, stiffened her spine, and walked toward the steps.

Dean reached her in three strides and touched her shoulder gently, an expression that clearly said, "I'm here," without the words.

She reached and squeezed his hand before she opened the screen door.

Dean was hot on her heels and stopped suddenly at the smell coming from the kitchen. Something was burning. "Shit!" he shouted as he ran toward the oven where smoke was billowing out of it. He grabbed the potholders from the floor, turned the thing off, and opened the door of the oven. Smoke continued to pour out of it as Andy ran to open the side door. The dog shot in and began whining as he ran up the stairs.

Dean's brows furrowed. "Where are they?"

Andy shrugged and pulled out her phone. "No messages from them."

Dean did the same and found his phone blank except for an alert another storm was coming in and a text letting him know the local gun store was running a sale on ammo. He liked being on their text alert list.

Just then, Canis barked from somewhere upstairs before he let out a keening howl, causing the hair on Dean's arms to prickle as gooseflesh popped out. He swallowed hard and looked at Andy, wide eyed, before they both ran for the stairs, pulling guns from holsters as they ran.

They made it to the top of the stairs to find the dog scratching at the boy's door. Dean stopped cold. "I can't," he whispered.

"Dean…"

"What if…" What if behind that door was something that would haunt him the rest of his days? What if his boys were dead? What if some monster had come in here and…

"Dean!" Andy whisper-yelled as she slapped his face, knocking that train of thought off its tracks. "You think I'm not terrified? I am. But we have to open that door."

He swallowed hard. Visions of Jessica on the ceiling of her and Sam's apartment floated in his mind. But Yellow Eyes was dead. There was no way…His jaw set as he marched over to the door. His eyes met Andy's and she gave a little nod indicating she was ready. "Canis, heel," he commanded and the dog, with another whine, sat on his haunches, waiting.

"One, Two…" on Three, he burst through the door, Andy right behind him. Once there, he had to choke back a sob as he quickly pulled his gun up. Both of his boys were in chains and locked in traps of some sort. Jon's looked like a devil's trap, but more complicated than Dean had ever seen, and Bobby was locked in some kind of trap fortified with what Dean knew had to be holy fire. "Andy…" he whispered.

"I'll wet a towel, get the fire out."

He looked at the boys. Both were asleep on their respective traps, tear tracks down both their faces. He didn't want to wake them and scare them, not yet. He quickly assessed the situation and decided to unlock Jon first while Andy went to get a towel to put the holy fire out.

He grabbed his knife from his pocket and scratched a space in the devil's trap before pulling out his lock picking set, thankful he still traveled heavy even when he wasn't on a hunt. He began working the locks on Jon, noticing all the sigils on them, wondering who had even learned these. He'd been hunting his whole life and had never seen some of the symbols decorating the iron. He gasped anew. Iron. As soon as the first chain came off, he noticed the angry welts on the little boy's wrists and ankles. "Jon? Jonny-boy, wake up. Daddy's here."

The little boy's eyes slowly fluttered open and then widened. "DADDY!" he screamed as his little body clung to Dean.

Tears were rolling down his face as he hugged his son to him. "Okay, Jon. It's okay. Daddy's here."

Jon's scream woke Bobby, who started screaming for Dean, too. Just then, Andy came running back in with an armload of sopping wet towels. She dumped them unceremoniously onto the fire, putting it out, and quickly pulled her own lock picking set out of her pocket to try and get Bobby out of his chains. Dean, still holding Jon, hurried to her side. She got Bobby freed and the boy limped over as fast as he could and Dean dropped to his knees to hold him as well. Both the boys were crying uncontrollably and Dean wasn't doing very well, either, as he hugged and kissed them both. He glanced at Andy and saw her crying as well.

When he finally composed himself a little bit, he asked, "Boys, what happened?"

Bobby was almost hysterical and Dean just hugged him tightly until he calmed down. He was vaguely aware of Andy taking Jon from him so he could focus on the older boy. Finally, the boy's eyes burned angel blue and he just…stopped.

"Gabriel?" Dean asked softly.

"Demons," the boy stated flatly. "Demons came in here. They did this. I don't know…I don't know what happened to Mom. After she saw us, they came and took her out of the room. I heard her scream, but I couldn't…they already had me chained." The boy looked up as the blue faded from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I couldn't stop them."

Dean's heart broke anew for the boy who loved Ryan probably even more than Dean himself did. "Robert Gabriel, you did what you could. We'll get her back." His voice caught as it all crashed in on him. Demons came into his house and took his wife. He hugged the boy before he passed the kid to Andy, too. "Stay with him," he bit off.

"Dean! You can't go out there half-cocked and…"

He held up a hand. "I'm not. But if it was demons, and I have no reason to doubt that, then, someone ruling Hell isn't doing his damn job."

Andy's eyes widened. "Dean…"

"Save it," he seethed.

Just then, the angel he was going to talk to, popped in. "DAD!" he shouted.

Momentarily put off, he glanced from Bobby to Gabriel. "Can you two be in the same room?"

Gabriel glanced at his younger self and shook his head. "Not technically."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Talk."

Gabriel sighed. "Come out into the hall."

Dean glanced at his two boys who had now calmed down somewhat, snuggled into Andy, who had dropped onto Bobby's bed with them. "Go. Figure it out really quick. And find Sam."

Dean nodded and followed the older version of Gabriel out into the hallway. "What the hell?"

"I don't know."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Seriously, Gabe, what the hell?!"

"I don't KNOW! My memories as a child change as he lives our life and I don't see it until it happens."

"So, you know who took her?"

Gabriel shook his head. "No, I don't." His lips thinned. "But I've got a pretty damn good idea."

"Who?"

"Rowena."

"Ro-you mean that witch you've been hunting?"

Gabriel nodded. 'She's Crowley's mother. His real mother. And she's a powerful witch. Probably one of the most powerful I've come across. I had hoped to use her but she's crafty as fuck and found out about…everything."

"How?"

"I have no idea."

"You think Crowley's behind this?"

Gabriel's eyes narrowed. "Honestly? No. I mean, sure, in the other timeline, he was responsible for some serious shit, but this time around, I don't think so."

"Why?"

Gabriel winced.

"Gabe?"

"We're…close, me and Crowley."

"Close like…?"

A look of disgust crossed Gabriel's face. "UGH! Gross, Dad! Not like that! We're…friendly. He's an asshole, but, hey, so am I. We get along, actually. We get into shit together. He's like a bro, sort of. We're allies most of the time. He's acclimated well enough to me being in charge and he's warming up to the idea of Jon taking over when my time is up."

"So, do you think…?"

Gabe shook his head. "Crowley is a lot of things, but he wouldn't do this. Not to hurt you like this. He's a bastard, but he's not that ruthless. Maybe once upon a time, yeah, but now? Not so much."

Dean licked his lips and looked around. "Okay. So, where's Sam?"

Gabe's brows furrowed. "What do you…?"

"Where's Sam? He was here when we left. He and Andy had a fight."

Gabriel's eyes widened. "They took him. He was here. I heard his voice."

"And you don't remember anything that happens next?"

"It happens _next, _Dad. I can't predict the future."

"But you can travel through time…"

Gabriel shook his head. "It doesn't exactly work that way."

"So…what do we do?"

The angel's voice had a helpless tone to it as he said, "I don't know."

* * *

**Sam POV **

Sam heard Ryan's screams reverberate off the metal walls and travel down the hall to him. "RYAN!" he screamed, his voice horse and raw from screaming already. How long had they been here? An hour? A day? Time moved differently when you had no idea where the fuck you were.

"You do realize that won't do you any good, don't you, dearie?"

Sam turned to the redhead wearing some sequined blue dress. His eyes narrowed at the bitch, or rather, witch. Ever since Rowena had introduced herself and separated him and Ryan, he'd been trying to find a way to wrap his hands around her slim, pale neck. "What are you doing? Why her? Take me and torture me. Leave her alone!"

"Oh, dearest Samuel, I don't want to torture you. Not like that, in any case. No, I'd much rather you be like this. Impotent, unable to be the big hero you usually are."

"When Dean finds you…"

She smirked. "That's what I'm a countin' on, love. Dean is being given a choice; an utterly ruined, broken, monster version of his wife, or his seemingly unharmed brother. Decisions, decisions."

"He'll chose his soul mate, as he should!"

"And what of dear Andrea, with the wee babe in her belly, huh? You really want your child to be born without his father?"

Sam gasped and stopped short. "What?!"

Rowena smiled evilly. "Oh, dinnae you know? The missus has a bun in the oven. A mini-moose is on his way, which is why I chose to kidnap you instead of her. You should be thanking me, Samuel. I had plans to spirit both of the women away and make you and your brother fight over who would be saved. No, this is much better."

She was wrong about the baby, wasn't she? Demons lied, but what about witches? God. Did Andy know and not tell him? Well, it wasn't like he had been listening to her anyway. His jaw set at the satisfied look on the whore's face. He'd be damned if he would give any of his thoughts away. "It's Sam," he stated stiffly.

She shrugged and walked about in his small cell. "'Tis not of import what I call you, is it? Just be grateful I'm not torturing you as I'm having my…associates torture the female." Her statement was punctuated with Ryan screaming Dean's name.

Ryan's screams were going to break Sam more effectively than anything else. He could only imagine what they were doing to her. Destroying her? How? What new hells were they unleashing on her? "Please, God, I'll do anything. Just don't…don't do that to her." The tears were rolling down Sam's face.

"You would trade your life for hers? Even if it meant never meeting your child?"

He would never live his life like that, knowing he had condemned Ryan to unnamed hells. "Dean will look after it and Andy. We have family, friends. They'll tell him about me." His heart was breaking even as he said it. Images came unbidden to his mind as he imagined a little boy with black hair and his hazel eyes. "Dean'll love him enough for me."

Rowena made a 'tsk'ing sound. "Such devotion you have. Too bad I don't give a good fuck about it. You will do as I say and then Dean will do what he has to so he can get his lady love back and then everything I've planned will work itself out."

"And what is that?"

She came over and patted his face. He shrank away from her as much as his chains would allow. "Just ye wait and see."

* * *

**Dean POV**

He heard Andy sigh into the phone. "Alright. Just…as soon as you can, okay? No, don't poof back. Come with Kris. Go kill it now, then come home as soon as you can. Thanks, Hope." She punched the button and said, "Hope and Kris will be home as soon as they gank the monsters. They were on their way out the door to handle the bitches when I called."

"Good," Dean bit off. The sun was up and he hadn't slept. The boys were both terrified and hadn't been able to sleep in their room, even when everything had been cleaned up and Gabriel had removed all evidence of their torture. Dean knew it would be a while before they felt safe again. He'd let them both sleep with him in his and Ryan's bed, though, he hadn't even shut his eyes. He had remained vigilant, watching, waiting for something to come and try to take them away from him, too. Andy hadn't wanted to sleep, either, so she had curled up at the foot of the bed. Canis had even slept in there with them, his head resting on Dean's leg through the night as he tried to protect what was left of their family.

Through the night, Gabriel had gone to see what he could find. He had also gone to shake a few trees in Crowley's back yard, see if they could find out anything about Rowena. That evil bitch had to be the one that had taken them. No one else hated them this much. That Dean knew of, anyway.

Dean took a long pull of his coffee and sighed anew. This waiting was going to kill him. "Andy, go get some sleep. You got to rest."

"I can't!" she snapped. "You really think this is just about you?"

His eyes widened. "Of course not! I just…you're pregnant, dumbass! This stress ain't good for the kid OR you. Sleep some then come back. It ain't like we've got any leads for fuck's sake!"

"No! You can't just send me to my room because I'm some little woman! You-" her statement was cut off by Gabriel's prompt reappearance and before she could say anything else, he'd placed two fingers to her forehead.

She dropped like a stone and he picked her up bridal style. At Dean's raised eyebrow, Gabriel said, "What? You're right. She needed sleep. She'll wake in an hour or two fully rested."

Dean shook his head as he watched his son carry Andy to the couch, put her down, and cover her with one of Ryan's blankets. The boys were both subdued as they watched cartoons and ate dry cereal on the living room floor.

Gabriel came back in and walked straight to the liquor cabinet, grabbed a bottle of Jack, and downed about half the bottle.

"That good, huh?" Dean stated flatly. He hadn't had a drop of alcohol since Ryan and Sam disappeared. He wanted to be as sharp as he could in case he had to run into a fight, guns blazing.

"I've got Meg, Bela, and Crowley working overtime trying to find Rowena. But I need a witch. A powerful one."

"Ask and one shall appear," Hope said as she and Krissy popped in. Both were smiling grimly and covered in blood.

"What did…?" Dean began but Hope held up a hand.

"It's fine. Monsters are dead, all our shit is locked in the jeep and the jeep is in a safe place."

"We knew the place we needed to be was here with you guys," Krissy told him. "We called Ben and Jess, they were already on their way back, so we'll all be home soon."

"Thanks…" Dean began before he broke down. He couldn't do this. His life had been going too good, him and Sammy's. They were due for some drama, but, damn it, did it have to involve Ryan and Sam being taken?! Now?

He was dimly aware of Gabriel, Hope, and Krissy talking about spells and ingredients, heard the two angels popping out, Cas arriving, Krissy filling him in, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get her back, Dean. Her and Sam, both."

He looked up. He hadn't realized he'd sat down at the kitchen table. "Thanks, Kris."

"They're both cornerstones in our family, Dean. We won't stop until we find them. Both of them. And bring them home."

He swallowed hard as he looked around. "I know. What…where…?"

"Hope and Gabriel went to get supplies. Gabriel says he thinks I've got some serious witch in my veins and that's why I'm so good at the spells. When this dies down, he wants to check my bloodline. It wasn't my dad, definitely, but maybe on my mom's side? She was killed by a supernatural creature. That was all my dad ever told me. He never would tell me what it was. Gabriel is wondering if she ran away from her coven and lived a civilian life until they caught up with her."

"Just like my mom," Dean mused.

Krissy smiled sadly. "We'll get Ryan and Sam back, Dean. We have to."

He nodded. He had to keep pretending to believe it. What was the expression? 'Fake it until you make it.' That was it. He just had to fake believing they would get them back until they had them home once more.

An hour passed before the angels reappeared. "We got everything," Hope stated.

Gabriel nodded. "Now we just need to set the spell…"

"We need a fourth," Hope reminded him.

"Shit. Yeah. Claire?"

Hope shook her head. "She's not good at it. Can't sit still long enough." She thought a moment. "Charlie? She's not quite as good as Kris, but she's doing really well with the MOL spells."

Gabriel thought a moment and nodded. "Okay. Sounds good."

"Wait. Can we…" Dean began.

"Of course. Let's all go to the bunker," Hope stated softly. She looked at her brother. "Gabe? Wanna wake Andy?"

"Do I have to?"

She shot him a look that reminded Dean remarkably of her mother. "Yes."

Gabriel sighed and walked to the living room. Andy came to on a curse. She stood like a shot and slapped the angel's face. "THAT is for forcing me into a TIME OUT!"

Gabriel smirked and rubbed his face. "I forgot what a damn wildcat you were, Aunt Andy."

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't DO shit like that to me again. Are we clear, angel boy? Or do I need to slap you around some more?"

Gabriel's lip twitched. "No ma'am. I'll respect your space. But you have to admit, you feel better."

She scowled. "That's beside the point."

He pulled a bottle out of his pocket. "Also, your medicine. If you don't want to tell anyone what I already know, I'll keep it on the DL, but you need to keep up good nutrition and stuff, right?"

Her eyes widened before they filled with tears and she latched onto him as she cried anew. "Please tell me we're getting them back," she pled into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head, so similar to how Dean himself would do and Dean realized just how much he had been a positive influence on this angel, this kid he and Ryan had somehow managed to raise. They would get Ryan back. Dean knew it.

They gathered up the boys and they all traveled over to the bunker by car. It took longer, but only about ten minutes. And besides, behind the wheel, he actually felt some semblance of control. Once there, Dean smelled candles burning, and some kind of incense. He didn't really want to know anything else. "DEAN!" Tory shouted as she ran over to him.

He let her hug him and he sighed. "We'll find them." He didn't know how many times he had repeated it. Maybe one time, it would come true.

"We've set up in the dungeon," Hope told him. "Tory, keep the boys up here?"

Tory nodded. "Of course. Charlie's already in there waiting for you."

"Thank you, Tor," Dean stated dismissively. He didn't really think this would work. Why would it? His luck didn't run that well.

That was when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and his eyes widened as he looked at the caller ID. "Ryan?!" he answered frantically.

The voice on the other end sent shivers down his spine as she cackled. "Of course not, silly boy! But I do have her in my well-manicured clutches. Say hello, dearie."

"DEAN!"

He closed his eyes at the onslaught of pain that lanced him as Ryan screamed his name. "Ryan, baby, we're gonna save you…"

"Tut, tut. I'm not finished. I also have someone else here. Come on, speak up, dear Samuel."

"Dean! Don't take the deal! She's a witch! She'll…"

"That's quite enough," the woman said. "Now that I have your attention, would you care to make a trade?"

"Trade?"

"Yes." Dean punched the speakerphone button so everyone could hear the woman. "Is the angel there?" she asked.

"Yeah, Rowena, I'm here," Gabriel ground out.

"Lovely. Makes it so much easier when the person I need to deal with is right there. Dearest Gabriel, I have a task for your father. Dean, are you still paying attention?"

"Yeah. I'm here, too. You're on speaker."

"Goody. I do love being the center of attention."

"We know," Gabriel seethed.

You could almost hear her smile as she said, "Oh, now, don't be a grumpy Gus, love."

"I'm not your love. And furthermore…" Hope put a hand on his arm and shook her head.

"Oh, you've got someone there with a muzzle. Delightful."

"Shut your whore mouth, Rowena, and spit it out!" Hope shouted.

"And…who do we have here?"

"Someone else you know."

"Is that so? Care to share with the class?"

"At present? No." Hope told her.

"Ah, I like mysteries. I shall try to solve that. But not at the moment. No, now I have deals to work. Is my disappointment of a son there?"

"Yes," Crowley growled as he also appeared.

"Ah, Fergus, just as I suspected. Aren't you tired of being the Winchester's bitch?"

"Mother, there are things you do not know. This is a fool's mission."

"You're the fool, letting that angel and those humans string you along!"

"You have zero finesse, Mother! If you would only-"

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Dean shouted. "Rowena, tell me how I can get my wife and brother back, you fucking BITCH."

"Oh, language. Do you kiss the mother of your children with that mouth? How horrid. You should be ashamed of yourself, Dean. I'm merely providing you with the way to learn your heart."

His brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I want the throne."

"Of Hell?"

"No. Of England. Of course of Hell! What do you take me for? I'm no a fool, Dean Winchester. And finally, I've found family who loves me and believes in me and isn't a colossal numb-nuts!"

Dean shot Crowley a look. The demon's eyes grew wider. "No. You did not involve him!"

"Of course, he was cautious at first, but dearest Gavin loves his grandmummy, don't you, lad? I didn't even have to trick him. He wants to take the throne from his loser father."

"Gavin! Don't be an idiot, boy!" Crowley hissed.

"He can't here you. He's too busy torturing our lovely guest." Just then, Dean's blood ran cold as Ryan screamed. "Nothing permanent, boy." Rowena chuckled. "Lad's got my gift of cruelty. Clearly that skipped a generation," she added drolly.

"Rowena, you hurt her…"

"And what, Dean? Why, you can't even find me. I'm cloaked in an anti-tracking spell. So tell the angel not to waste his breath. He will never find me. Not until I'm ready to be found."

"The deal?" Dean prompted. "Get to it."

"Ah, yes. The deal. I will give you twenty-four hours to make your decision."

"And what decision is that?" Dean managed through clenched teeth.

"Choose. Choose which one lives. I'll trade their life for the throne. The other…well, I'm enjoying toying with them at the moment."

"DEAN! YOU BETTER CHOOSE RYAN!" he heard Sam shout.

Andy screamed and broke down sobbing.

"Ta-ta!" Rowena stated cheerfully as the call ended.

Dean stared at the innocent seeming phone sitting on the table. He picked it up as if it were a grenade and lobbed it against the wall, where it shattered. He then found the whiskey bottle he hadn't nursed since two days ago and sent it sailing into the stone wall where it exploded on impact. After that, he tossed a handful of papers and books from the table in a sweeping motion. The lamp joined soon after. Then he threw a chair. And another. He flipped the table and started toward the other table when he felt someone's arm on him. Cas. "Dean, this isn't the way."

"What way should it be, Cas?! God dammit!" he screamed. "GOD DAMMIT!" He panted a few seconds and stated quietly, leaning over onto the table he hadn't turned over, "How the hell did this happen!?" He looked at Andy, who had fallen to the floor. She was sitting on her butt, rocking back and forth, her arms wrapped around her legs, sobbing. "Fuck, Andy…" He walked over and knelt in front of her. "Shit. This wasn't supposed to go down, not on MY watch. I'm so sorry." His frustration and anger started to build again as he started pacing. "FUCK! I'm so SICK OF THIS!"

"Sick of what?" Andy managed as she sniffed and looked up at him.

"MY LIFE!" he roared. "It's always the same damn trip; try to have something, bend the rules, but it just don't give. Then…then something like THIS happens. Because it ALWAYS does, sooner or later."

He continued to pace until Andy stopped him as she got in his face. He hadn't even seen her stand. "Boo-hoo, princess. You're breaking my fucking heart," she snarled.

Dean glared at her and warned, "Not the time, Andy."

"For what? Putting things into perspective? You're walking around, butting your head over this, but you still. Don't. GET IT!"

He drew his cheeks in a moment before his jaw set as he leaned back on one foot and crossed his arms. "Enlighten me, PLEASE," he replied sarcastically. "Get what?"

"YOU don't have to figure this out. WE do! Us! All of us! I'm Sam's WIFE, dammit, not to mention Ryan's best friend and sister! Our whole damn TRIBE is here to help get them back! It's not just you, short bus! And I don't know about them, but I'm sure as SHIT not gonna just stand here while you bellyache about this until you decide to pull your head out of our ASS!" She took a calming breath before continuing. "Look, I know you feel like this is your responsibility, but you don't have to shoulder all of it. I'm a hunter, too, a damn good one. Me and you? All of us? We're family. And family sticks together, damn it!"

He gripped her shoulders. "You're right. I know. But it's Ryan and Sam. And they…"

"I know," Andy stated, putting her hand on Dean's on her shoulder. "So, what ya say? Shit won't give, I say we break it."

She was right. He'd never been one for being forced to do a damn thing. Wasn't giving Michael a big old 'fuck you' proof of that? "How are we gonna find them? She's got a damn spell."

"Hellooooo," Gabriel stated. "Archangel. Trickster. Ring any bells?"

"Yeah, and not for nothing, but I was almost as bad as him in the trick department," Hope reminded them.

"I can see if the angels will get involved," Cas offered.

"And you've got plenty of humans on the ground," Tory commented. "We're gonna find them and we're gonna bring them home."

"Besides," Hope added as her eyes flared angel blue. "That Scottish bitch isn't the only one with a few tricks up her sleeves."

"And I have a trump card also," Crowley joined in. Everyone looked at him. "What? Just because I don't want that bitch taking over, all of a sudden I'M the odd man out?"

"Something's not tracking though," Tory stated.

Everyone's attention went to her.

"It doesn't make sense she would want a human on the throne. Is she so concerned with family, she'll put anyone of blood relation on it to usurp Gabriel?"

"Not familial loyalty," Crowley spat. "The wench tried to sell me for two pigs once. There's no loyalty to anything but power."

"But, if that were the case, why isn't she trying to cozy up to Gabe? I mean, he's the one with the angel juice," Dean stated, a bit more calmly than before as his brain began to take over for his heart.

"No…" Gabriel said on a moan. "Fuck."

"What?" Dean spat. That didn't sound good.

"I was…I was trying to do something. I found a spell book. Charlie was working with me decrypting it."

Dean's eyes widened as he looked at Charlie, who apparently had joined them at some point. She shrugged. "What? I'm a hacker. And a damn good one. Finding codes is what I do."

"She managed to decode the book. All the spells in it are God-level dangerous."

"Where did it come from?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter where it came from, it only matters where it ended up. I found it and Charlie's decoded it."

"It is safe, isn't it, Gabe?" Charlie asked. "You've got it hidden?"

"Yeah. I'm the only one who knows where it is."

"And the odds of her astral projecting her ass to follow you and you not see…?" Hope questioned.

"Fuck," he repeated and disappeared.

Everyone looked at each other wide eyed before Gabriel reappeared, pulling a Dean on his own as he sent out a jolt of power strong enough to break three liquor bottles and a lightbulb before Hope calmed him down. "Fucking…" he blew a breath out of flared nostrils. "She got the book. But not the encryption. That'll take time for her to decipher. And I made copies of the book so I know what the spells are, in any case. Charlie has a copy too, right?"

Charlie nodded. "But looking at those spells…what is she planning in any case, Gabriel? I mean, none of them are anything that will put her or Gavin on the throne."

Gabriel let out a groan. "I know what she's doing. Damn it, I know what she's doing and it's as underhanded as it comes."

"What?" Dean and Andy asked in unison.

"Dammit!" Gabriel shouted. "She's got not one, but TWO archangel vessels kidnapped."

Dean swallowed hard as he read into the situation. "But…Lucifer? Really?"

"Of course. Gavin's just a front. She wants the throne for Lucifer."

"Yeah," Hope chimed in with a grimace. "She always did worship the winged asshat, even when I knew her. Of course, she never knew I was an angel, but I had to hear her wax poetic about Lucifer enough…"

"So…wait…Ryan's your vessel, Gabriel. Not Lucifer's," Andy put in.

"Lucifer just needs a dab of demon blood and any archangel's vessel," Gabriel stated softly. "That's what happened in the last timeline."

"But…she won't say yes! Not now. And neither would Sam. He would never say 'Yes' to Lucifer again."

Dean paled. "He would if it meant saving Ryan's life." As everyone turned to him, his shoulders slumped. "You know if they were torturing her half as badly as I can imagine they are, then he would do anything, ANYTHING to stop it."

"But surely not…" Andy began.

Dean grabbed her hand. "Andy, if the roles were reversed, and it was me and you in there, you really think I wouldn't do anything to keep you safe and get you back to Sam?"

She gasped and both hands shot to her mouth. "No," she whispered. "He can't."

"I don't think it will come to that," Gabriel told them. "It's going to have to get worse before it gets to that point."

"Did you hear Ryan?!" Dean cried. "They're destroying her! You haven't been tortured by those thugs, Gabriel! When I think of what Alistair did to me, what Lucifer did to SAM…you can't tell me you don't think she's being…" That was all he managed before bile rose in his throat and he had to grab a trash can as he vomited from the mere thoughts of how they were hurting his wife. What were they doing? Were they beating her? Cutting her? Raping her? How badly was she being hurt? What was Rowena doing?

* * *

**Sam POV **

He watched as Rowena punched the button on the phone and pivoted on the balls of her feet gleefully. She was wearing a purple dress today. He wished he could take those matching purple shoes and stab her in the eye with the spiked heel she always insisted on wearing. She smiled as she walked toward Sam and ran her fingernails gently down his cheek. "There, there, that went well, don't you think?"

"Let her go. I'll do whatever you want."

Rowena looked to where Ryan was chained up, naked, on a Saint Anthony's cross. "Oh no, we're just getting started on her torture."

"How can you do that to another woman, you sick fuck?!" he shouted.

She smiled. "It's easy when you don't have a heart. I traded it many moons ago, young Samuel. No heart, no way for it to get broken. Don't you know anything about witches?"

"All the ones I've met were at least caring. Sometimes about the wrong shit, but they cared, damn it!"

She laughed loudly. "And I do not. She's a means to an end. She'll either break or she won't. And you? Well, I'll send you gift wrapped back to your brother with all the knowledge of what we've done to her."

"What do you…?"

"Staple his eyelids open. I want him to be able to watch this time," she instructed as she swept out of the room.

He swallowed hard as two demons converged on him. He was determined not to scream. He had to stay strong for Ryan. He couldn't do anything, but he couldn't be a burden on her, either. "I'm here, Ryan! I'm here!" he shouted just before the three demons began working her over again. "I'm here! We'll get out of this! I swear it!" he shouted as the pain shot through his head.

* * *

**Dean POV **

He was sitting with his elbows propped on the table, rubbing his temples with the heels of his hands. His eyes were closed as he tried not to imagine demons torturing his wife and his brother. Claire had come to take the boys to the lake house. Jody had come down. It was all hands on deck. Nothing was getting accomplished, but it was nice enough to have everyone under one roof, for the most part.

"How ya doing?" Jody asked as she came and sat a cup of coffee in front of his face. The smell of it turned his stomach and he had to fight back the nausea.

"I'm caught between trying not to imagine all the ways they're being hurt and all the ways I want to gut that bitch just like I did Abaddon."

Jody's lips pursed. "I love Ryan like she was my sister, Dean. I don't know how you're feeling, but I know how you're feeling, you know?"

He sighed and looked at her. Worry etched her face, just like the rest of them. "I know."

"We'll get them back."

"In what condition?" he whispered as he studied the wood grain of the table. That was his greatest fear. He'd seen Sam with the hallucinations of Lucifer. He'd seen Ryan struggling to get past what those demons did to her as a child. What were they going to have to get over this time? It wasn't fair. It shoulda been him. He had half a mind to march down into Hell and tell Lucifer to piggyback in his skin just so they could be free…

"Don't you dare," Jody seethed.

His eyes widened as he looked up at her. "What?"

"Whatever the hell it was you were just thinking."

He sighed. "Gabe's got his best minions guarding Lucifer's prison, but Charlie and Krissy said with that book, Rowena could create a cage anywhere in the world to transport the devil to. If she does that, we're screwed." He shrugged. "Of course, they're screwed anyway…"

"Don't think like that, Dean. Stay positive."

"Positive? My wife and my brother are God knows where having God knows what done to them! Excuse me for not having a shred of positivity left!"

"Look, I get it, alright? You and Andy got a shitstorm of hurricane proportions you're dealing with. But we're all right here with you, Dean! We love them, too and we'll all do anything to get them back. No matter what. If we all had to take a stand and be picked off, one by one, by Lucifer himself, we would! There is nothing we wouldn't do to get them back, understand?"

He blew out another breath and dropped his head into his hands again. "I know. I'm just…I hate feeling so damn helpless!"

"Don't we all?"

They sat there for who knew how long until Hope came in. "We're ready."

They were going to attempt a location spell anyway. Time was coming to an end of the twenty-four hours and they needed answers, pronto.

Dean stood and followed Hope back to the dungeon where Gabriel, Krissy, and Charlie were already sitting around some funky ass pentagram. Candles were lit all over the joint and the air smelled like a fuck lot of spices he couldn't name but recognized. One smell permeated the air, though "What did you do? Raid Tory's stash?"

Gabriel smiled slightly. "In part." At Dean's look, he added, "What? I needed relaxing."

"We're creating our own spell," Hope added as she sat across the pentagram from Gabriel.

Dean's lip curled from the smell. "And doing by getting high is the answer?"

"No, that's another part of the spell."

"Isn't that like, really dangerous?" Andy asked as she broached the room. "Creating your own spell?"

"Normally, yes, but Gabriel and I have eons of experience with spells."

"Hope more so than me, the pagan whore."

"Bite my ass, brother mine," she teased.

He blew her a kiss.

"Well, that's some seriously awkward incest shit we walked in on," Ben stated as he, too, joined them.

"Jesse!" Hope cried as she stood and ran to him. He grabbed her and hauled her to him for a searing kiss, making Dean's heart clench. He didn't blame them, though. He probably would have done the same damn thing with Ryan. His breath caught in his throat and he had to look away from them.

"Sorry, Daddy," Hope whispered as she walked past.

He shook his head. "I get it, kid," he managed. He felt two hands clap his shoulders as Ben and Jesse offered their strength to him in the only way sometimes guys knew how before they moved to hug Andy by turn. Dean looked at them. Jesse had a scar pinking on his face, showing he'd gotten hurt at some point during their hunt, and Ben had a cut on his forehead and arm. Otherwise, they looked unscathed. He saw Hope brush a hand against Ben, healing him of any marks and Dean was once more grateful for the group of kids he had to call his own.

"Are we ready?" Gabriel asked.

Hope, Krissy, and Charlie nodded. Dean noticed Hope was in the position to the north, Gabriel to the south, Charlie east, Krissy west. He didn't know if that meant anything. Maybe it didn't. Wind began to blow through the bunker as they all started muttering the incantation in Latin. The hairs on his arms stood up as they continued repeating it over and over again until finally, a bright light burned in the center of the pentagram and then a shock wave blasted all four of them back against their respective walls.

Dean didn't know who to go to first, but since everyone but Gabriel seemed to have someone rushing to them, he hurried over to the angel. "Gabe?"

"BITCH!" Gabe screamed as blood poured out of his nose as he stood, leaning slightly on the wall for balance. "When I find that witch, I'm gonna gut her with a fucking ice pick! Slow, so slow she almost thinks she's over it before I jam it into her chest over, and over, and fucking OVER again!"

Dean blinked at the anger rolling off the kid.

"And now we see the Winchester temper," Jesse murmured.

Gabriel's eyes burned angel blue at the cambion and Jesse hissed in pain.

"Gabriel!" Hope shouted. "Don't fuck up my boyfriend because you're pissed off!"

Gabriel blinked and Jesse let out a sign of relief.

"Okay, let's just calm down," Jody told them all. "What happened?"

"She's right. The spell she's got on them, the cloaking spell, it's unlike any I've come across," Hope told them as she, too, wiped blood from her nose. She walked over to Krissy and put two fingers to her forehead. Dean noticed the other girl was unconscious and Ben was holding her delicately. Hope then walked over to Charlie and did the same thing. Tory had the other woman's head in her lap.

"So what do we do?"

Just then, one of Dean's other cell phones rang. He swallowed hard. They'd lost their only shot. "What do I say?" he asked uncertainly.

"No deal," Gabriel stated flatly. "We don't cut deals with terrorists."

"We aren't the American government!" Andy shouted. "That is Sam and Ryan down there!"

"And we'll get them back," Gabriel promised.

"How? Broken beyond repair!?" she cried.

Dean sucked in a breath as he felt his stomach drop. "Gabe's right. No deal. We can't…"

"What if not dealing is what she wants?" Hope piped up. "What if that's been her play all along?"

"It would be something the underhanded bitch would do," Crowley pointed out.

"You're all no help," Dean growled as he held the phone delicately. He couldn't ask their opinions. He needed to follow his gut. He punched the button and said, "What?"

"Oh, good. How are you, Dean?"

"Be better once my family is home."

"Oh, but I'm not going to give you them both, you know."

"What's really your play, Rowena? You and I both know you're not gonna put your idiot grandson on the throne of Hell."

"Well, and they say Sam is the smarter Winchester." Dean's jaw clenched. He hated the way she said their last name with that Scottish brogue, making it sound like 'WinCHAYster'.

"Yeah, I'm practically enrolled in MENSA. Now, tell me, what's your play?"

"Why would I tell you when I can just show you? Come, meet me in Rochester, New York. Forty eight hours. That should give you enough time to get from your super-secret bunker in Kansas. Dionysus will remember where it is."

Hope gasped and Dean could almost hear Rowena's smile. "Did ye think I wouldn't know who's spellwork that was, dear? Going by a new name now, are we?"

"New body, too," Hope told her with a sneer.

"Pity. I always liked my lovers hard and lean, not soft and delicate." Rowena laughed. "Although, you always were a bit of a fruit, so I suppose it is good you're in a girl's body now."

"When I find you…"

"Tut, tut, pet. No hard feelings. I'm sure you'll be bringing an army with you. A word of advice, though, come in guns blazing like the Winchesters usually do? I'll kill them both, no questions asked." With that, she ended the call.

Dean's wide eyes looked at Hope. "Hope…"

She winced. "I'm sorry. I didn't…it's not personal, I don't think…"

"It's not," Gabriel stated without question. "She doesn't know who you are, just that you're with us. Trust me, I've not told anyone. Not even Crowley knew, did you, Boris?"

"No. Now, come, let us deal with the ginger wench before I lose any more of my demons to her cause."

Gabriel's eyebrow rose. "Your demons?"

"Details, details," Crowley muttered.

Dean walked out of the room and into the supply area where he started pulling out bullets. "She may not want us to come in, guns blazing," he muttered under his breath. "But you can be damn sure of one thing; I'm gonna be packing some witch killing bullets."

"Yep. Give me some. Got any that'll fit my Sig?" Andy asked as she crowded in behind him.

He turned and looked down at his sister-in-law. "Excuse me?"

She shrugged. "I like my Sig best, but I'll use Sam's .38 if that's the only bullets ya got."

Dean gaped at her a moment before he crossed his arms. "Excuse me?" he repeated.

"Did I fucking stutter?" she inquired.

"There is no fucking way on God's green earth I'm letting you go with us."

She crossed her arms as well. "And why the fuck not?"

"HELLO, DUMBASS! You're KNOCKED UP!"

"NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!" she screamed in return.

His jaw locked as he said through clenched teeth, "I'm not letting you go out there and get yourself hurt or KILLED on my watch! I already gotta worry about Sam and Ryan, I can't worry about you, TOO!"

Her eyes watered. "You can't yell at a pregnant person, Dean! It's not good for the baby!"

He glared at her. "Really? You DO know who you're talking to, right?" Pointing at himself, he said, "I have a B.S. in b.s. okay? So drop the act already."

She rolled her eyes as they dried up from the fake tears. "God, will you RELAX about it? It's fine. The kid is fine, I'm FINE! And if you think you're gonna bench me with SAM on the hook, think again!"

Dean continued glaring. "If you were Ryan, you know I'd bench you."

Her jaw jutted out stubbornly. "If I were Ryan, she'd be saying the SAME DAMN THING!"

"Well, guess what, honey?! You ain't RYAN!"

"EXACTLY! Which is why I'm going!"

He blinked. "How the hell we get back here?" He shook his head. "Regardless of who you are or are not, I'm parking your ass! I'm not risking my sister and my niece or nephew! When I get Sam back, and I swear to GOD, I WILL get BOTH of them back, I wanna be able to tell him you're okay, OKAY!?"

Andy blinked once, twice, three times, then threw her arms around him. "Awww, Dean! You called me your sister!"

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, Jesus…"

She pulled away and looked at him a moment before she sighed. "Look, I know how to keep myself safe, Dean. Between you and Sam, I'm in the best shape of my life." At his skeptical look, she added, "I do know what I'm doing. Having a kid in me hasn't killed off my damn brain cells, you know."

"I'm not saying that and I'm not saying you're not the best damn hunter outside of Sam and Ryan I've ever hunted with, I'm just…" He sighed. "I can't lose you too, ya know?"

She swallowed hard. "I get it. If I was you, I wouldn't let me go either. But fact is fact. Me and you? We're the same. So just, for one damn minute, imagine you're me. There's this tiny grain of rice sitting in my abdomen. It isn't doing anything. It's just sittin' there. I can run, jump, ride a fucking motorcycle, do all that stuff. At least for now. So, there's nothing stopping me from just being…me, outside of not smoking or drinking or doing drugs or shit, but I digress." She took a breath. "Now, for a moment, imagine your spouse, your SOUL MATE is God knows where and you can go find 'em, bring them home. Tell me you sit on your thumbs waiting for the menfolk to bring that person home to you." Her voice broke near the end and she looked away from him, even now, afraid to show much vulnerability.

He sighed dejectedly. He could only imagine how it would feel to be impotently waiting behind. But that didn't change things. Sam would have his ass if he thought for one second…"Andy…"

"You know I'll go anyway," she reminded him.

Damn stubborn fool would, too. "I can lock you up," he told her. "Have someone watch over you like a fucking guard dog."

"I'd ditch 'em."

They stared at one another a moment. Finally he sighed and shook his head. "When we find them? I'm gonna have to let Sam beat my ass for this."

She grabbed him in a fierce hug. "I won't let him."

He pulled away and looked at her as he thought. He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. "Fine. Shit. You've got a point." He pointed a finger at her and added threateningly, "But YOU follow MY lead, got it? You don't take a shot, don't move, in fact, you don't even BREATH without my say so, understand? And if things go sideways at ALL, you. ARE. OUT. Period. I'd tie a pregnant woman to a chair, so don't test me."

"Oh my god, will you zip this up?" Andy groaned. "I get it, okay? You're in charge, Dad. Sheesh."

Dean clenched his jaw and had to resist the urge to put his hand around her throat. "Don't…just don't."

Her lip quivered and he sighed. "Fuck. Come're," he growled as he held open his arms and she fell into them sobbing. His eyes weren't exactly dry, either. "We'll get them back, Andy. We have to. Shit. I mean, my baby brother's gonna be a dad." Dean couldn't stop it then as the hysteria bubbled up in his throat and he began to sob, too. When they both stopped, they begrudgingly wiped their eyes and looked at one another. "We ready to lock it up?" she asked with a sniffle.

He chuckled. "Yeah. Let's lock it up and do the job."

They shared a look. "This never happened," they exclaimed in unison.

"Oh, it happened," Crowley said from behind them. They turned and looked at him. "What? I'm a sentimental fool. I blame Moose and his damned human blood for it." He paused in thought. "Sam dosed me with his own blood. Does that make me an honorary Winchester?"

Dean thought a moment. "Well, it's not like we don't have a shit-ton of dicks in the family anyway. Why the hell not, Crowley? You gonna be on our side?"

"For now," Crowley stated.

Dean smiled at him. "Ready to go gank your mom?"

"That, Squirrel, I believe I was born for."

* * *

**Sam POV **

"_Sam?" he heard. "Sammy? Babe? Where are you?"_

_Sam looked up from his secret project and yelled, "In here!" before he threw a sheet over it. _

_Andy walked into the garage-turned-workshop and smiled. "What'cha doing?" _

_He shrugged. "Just…stuff."_

_She licked her lips and looking around, spied the lump under the sheet. "And if I looked under this…?"_

"_Don't. It's a surprise, okay?"_

"_For me?"_

"_Sort of."_

_Her lips quirked. "You do know I'm not knocked up yet. Are you really building something for the baby we haven't even conceived?"_

_He shrugged. "I wanted to make something special. I saw this blueprint online and thought I could do it…"_

_She moved into his space and grabbed his hand with both of hers. It always amazed him how tiny her hands were. They were so damn capable, though. Whether it was a gun or a spatula, a knife, or his damn cock in her hands, she knew what she was doing with them. And if she didn't know? She's put her tongue between her teeth and figure it out. That damned tenacity was one of the things he loved about her the most. _

"_Well, these are some pretty damned good hands, if I do say so myself," she told him. "And I believe they can do about anything they want, including building something for our still theoretical kid." She looked up at him. "Did you know my grandfather used to be a carpenter?"_

"_Just like Ryan's?"_

_She nodded. "Small world. Of course, they were from two different sides of the country. But I remember going to visit them in the summers. I would sneak down to my grandfather's shop and watch him building cabinets. The place always smelled of sawdust. As I got older, that smell took on a different meaning when I would sneak in there with the grandson of his partner. Now, I associate the smell of sawdust with sex."_

_He licked his lips as she pushed him into the work bench. "Is that so?"_

_She bit her lip now and nodded as she looked up at him through her lashes. "Yeah," she breathed. _

"_And, so, what? You think you want to do me, right here, right now?"_

"_Yes," she replied as she gave a little jump._

_He grasped her under her ass as her legs wrapped around him and he turned to sit her on the workbench. It was the perfect height as his lips molded to hers and she began pulling at his clothes. It was cool outside still, but he had a small heater going in the space. He took off her sweater, revealing the fact she didn't have on a bra, and he watched as her nipples pearled from the cold and the desire that was obviously running through her veins. That was also when he noticed she was wearing a skirt. She never wore a skirt. He fingered the fabric that sat on her upper thigh. "What's this?" he asked as he pulled away slightly. _

_She smirked and lifted the front as she spread her legs, showing off her gorgeous pink lower lips and his mouth watered. "For me?" he asked. She giggled as he knelt down and looked back up into her eyes. "Now, this is the kind of snack I can get behind." _

_Her giggles grew until he swept in to take a taste. He felt her hands in his hair, clenching tightly, as he thrust his tongue into her. "Fuck, Sam!" she cried as he began working her over. _

_He loved the taste of her, the salty, heady flavor with just the hint of sweet that always made him want more. He wanted to be drenched in her, so, he did everything he knew to get her right to the edge before he would back off. He loved torturing her with his tongue, his fingers, until she couldn't stand it anymore and exploded into his mouth. _

_He cleaned her up after her orgasm, then slithered back to stand so he could take her mouth. _

_She whimpered as she sucked on his tongue and her hands dove for his belt. He hissed out a breath as he pulled away to bite her neck while her hands began their ministrations on his cock. "Fuck," he panted into her ear. "I need in you."_

"_Yes," she agreed as he picked her up once more and moved to the work stool a few steps over. He bent his legs, and with a thrust as he sat, they connected. _

_They let out joint groans of pleasure as she began rocking in his lap. His hands dove to her hair, pulling, tugging, just how he knew she liked it. Her teeth bit his lip, his neck, nibbled at his Adam's apple, before her mouth fused with his once more and he knew this wasn't going to be a long ride. She didn't seem to care as she let out a long moan and clenched him as she rode out another orgasm. _

_He felt his own approaching and abandoning her hair with one hand, his thumb found her clit and began furiously moving as she rocked. She leaned back ever so slightly, changing the angle, and he looked at her face. Her eyes widened as he connected with her g-spot over and over again and he felt the quickening start. "Come," he commanded only moments before he bent her back even further and took one of her nipples into his mouth. She screamed as she grabbed hold of his biceps, her nails digging into him through his shirts._

_He all but forgot his damn name as he came and it took him a few moments to collect himself as his head found a place to rest on her breasts. He felt her chest shaking as she ran a hand through his hair. He moved, just slightly, so he could see her face. She was smiling. "What?"_

_She shook her head. "I love you, Sam Winchester."_

_He smiled widely. "I love you, too, Andy Winchester."_

_Suddenly he heard a fake clap as someone said, "Bravo. That was lovely."_

Sam gasped and awoke. He wasn't in the workshop. He was wherever Rowena had them. "Rowena."

She smiled as she ran a hand over his cheek. "My, my, what delicious dreams you have, young Samuel. Your wife is so lovely. Was that the night she conceived?"

Was it? That had been in April, so it was possible. He thought of what was under the sheet in his work shop. Would he ever get the chance to finish the little pull sheep he had made for his child? He had cut the sheep's sides out with his jigsaw, and he had put together the base, except for the wheels, all he had to do was assemble it, put on the wooden wheels he had bought, and find a good piece of rope to use for the pull string. Would Dean finish it for him if he died here? Dean was better under the hood of the car, but Sam had found solstice in working with his hands in a different way. He enjoyed seeing something come to life in the wood. He'd built a bird house and a couple of planters out of treated timber. Then he'd decided to buy a wood lathe and create a few things. He had made Jon and Bobby both miniature baseball bat ornaments for the Christmas tree this year. Did Andy know where he had put them so they could be given out if he didn't make it out of this?

He'd also made some of those hair stick things Hope and Krissy liked so much. That had required a lot of finesse and he'd broken more than he'd actually made, but now he had two gorgeous sets. Did Andy even know what he had been doing out there? Did she care?

Fingers snapped in front of his face. "Focus, dear Samuel."

His eyes narrowed. "It's SAM!" he shouted in her face.

She blinked and frowned. "No need to shout. I can hear you just fine, you know."

"You do realize they're not going to give you a damn thing, right?"

She smirked. "Who said I wanted anything from them?"

"You said you'd work a trade. You said…"

"Lies, dear Samuel. Merely lies. I already have exactly what I want. And nothing or no one can stop me."

"Clearly you don't know my brother very well."

She smiled. "We shall see." She started humming as she walked off. He glanced around. He hadn't realized he'd been moved. That was when he realized, it was silent. "Wh-Where is Ryan?"

The evil bitch's smile grew. "Oh, we're giving her a light respite. After what we just did to her, well, we can't expect her to live through torture after _that _torture, now can we?"

Sam paled as his stomach bottomed out. "You're a sick bitch, Rowena."

She smiled. "Oh, I know, dearie. I know." She walked away, whistling. He jumped as the door slammed behind her.

He glanced around once more. He was in a different room, a bigger room than he had been in before and he wondered how big the space actually was. He saw a shape at the far side of the room and gasped as it moved. He tried to walk to it and was surprised when his chains fell off.

On high alert, he slowly moved toward the lump under the blanket that reminded him remarkably of the millions of cheap blankets he'd seen in truck stops during his travels. The grey and purple fabric had Aztec shapes on it. He reached the blanket, and when nothing jumped out at him, he grabbed the fabric and pulled.

He gasped as he saw Ryan lying there, bloody and unconscious. And still naked. He quickly put the covers back over her, but touched her arm gently. "Ryan? Ryan? Can you hear me?"

She let out a moan and then her eyes opened, well, the one that wasn't swollen shut, in any case. "Yeah. I hear you."

"I…God, are you okay?"

She blinked and tried to sit up. He wanted to help her, but wasn't sure he should touch her. After what he'd seen them do to her…

She managed to sit with her back against the wall and looked at him. "What are you looking at?!" she snapped.

He blinked and stepped back. "I…uh…"

"Leave me alone. You're no help. You're fucking WORTHLESS!" she spat.

He held up both hands. "I tried to help. I…"

"You're useless. Worthless. A disappointment to everyone you meet. Why'd you think your dad didn't come after your ass when you left? Why didn't Dean? He didn't show up for FOUR YEARS. Ever wonder why?"

He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Ryan. This…this isn't you…"

She smiled coldly. "Of course it is. Just without a filter. Let me tell you a few things…"

He shook his head as he backed into the wall opposite of her. "No."

Her smile grew. "Useless. Worthless. You really think Andy wants a kid with a spineless dick like you? Why would she?"

"NO! Shut up! This is…it's a hallucination…" He found himself doing something he hadn't done in years. He gripped his left hand as hard as he could, where the cut had been, the one that always kept him grounded in reality.

She started cackling as she stood and stalked toward him. "Useless, spineless, dickless, worthless!" she shouted. "You're worthless! Don't worry about your brother trying to get you out of here! Because he's relieved to be finally rid of you! There's no one to save you, Sammy! You're gonna die in here! And then, once you do, you'll turn into a demon! And after that? Say hello to Lucifer, because he's gonna ride your ass for the rest of your days!"

"No, stop," he fell to his ass and wrapped his arms around his chest. "Stop, please," he begged, feeling more like a four year old child than a thirty-four year old man.

Her voice swirled around in his head, louder and louder and louder until…it stopped. He opened his eyes and lifted his head…and found he was alone.

He swallowed hard. Was it real? Had it all been imaginary? What was going on?

* * *

**Dean POV**

"So, this place in New York," Dean began as he handed out the bullets to the group, "What is it, Hope?"

She sighed. "It's somewhere Rowena and I…hooked up, caused some shit."

"Wait…" Krissy began before her eyes widened. "The shit that went on in the Delco plant? That was YOU!?"

Hope grimaced. "Not my finest moment."

Dean thought a moment before he held up a hand. "You know what? I don't even want to know. You know the building?"

"Yeah. But I don't think we should hurry."

"Why?"

"Well, for one, she said not to go in gun's blazing. She's warning us she's got the joint booby-trapped. That's smart. She didn't have to. Maybe she doesn't want us killed."

"No, just Sam and Ryan," Dean bit out.

She shook her head. "No, she's smarter than that. I mean, yeah, she'd kill us in a skinny minute, but she wants to save us for when she wants to kill us, not because of our stupidity. Does that make sense?"

"To someone who was raised by her, yes," Crowley told them.

"Great. So, what do we do?" Andy asked.

"We wait. We pull up the blueprints of the building, make plans, try to figure things out here before we move. She said another forty-eight hours. She's got a plan, definitely."

"SO…shouldn't we try to mess up those plans?" Dean prompted.

Hope gave them a grim smile. "Of course."

* * *

**Ryan POV **

She came to on a scream.

"Aye, welcome back to the land of the living, love."

Ryan spit out a mouth full of blood. "I ain't your love," she seethed. She opened the one eye that wasn't swollen shut and looked at the woman. "When Dean finds you…"

The woman, Rowena, sneered. "And who said I would let him? I've learned quite a few things about the Winchesters over the years. Trust me, I know how to keep myself and you away from him."

"He's going to rip you to pieces!" Ryan shrieked at the woman's retreating form. "HE WILL SAVE US AND KILL YOU!"

The woman stopped, turned, and smiled almost sweetly. "No. He won't. But 'tis a nice thought to keep your mind safe from my demon's tortures."

Ryan's breath caught in fear as her eye darted about the space. She was still chained up to that damn cross, but at the moment, the room was empty save for her and the other redhead.

Rowena's smile grew. "Oh, not to worry, I'm giving you a respite. I thought you might like some company." Just then, a heavy looking metal door at the other end of the room was opened. Sam was tossed in and dumped into an unceremonious heap on the floor. "Ta-ta, dears!" Rowena cackled as the door shut behind her.

"Sam? Sam!" Ryan shouted as she pulled at her chains, ignoring the pain that shot through her.

He let out a groan and her hands itched to check him over. How badly was he hurt? Had they done to him what they'd done to her? She would have time, later, to reflect on her injuries, both physical and mental. Right now, she needed to check on Sam.

"Sam!" she shouted once more and he rolled over. He was clothed, and though they looked to be dirty and torn, they nor he, looked too bad. That was good. "Sam?"

He groaned again and sat up. He was facing away from her. "Sammy?"

His head whipped around to her and his eyes widened. "Ryan? God…Ryan!" He was up on his feet in an instant and though he limped slightly, he dashed over to her. His hands were chained behind his back and she noticed the chain ran down to his ankles. He stopped, a few paces from her. "Is this real?"

"What?" she gasped.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I just…hallucinations…" he paused then really looked at her. "Ryan?!"

"I'm okay, I'm…" Now that she saw him, that he was okay, she fell apart as the sobs ripped from her body. She hurt in places she didn't even realize she had, and when she'd lost consciousness, she had been turned the other way. Her back seared every time she moved from the lashing with the cat 'o nine tails they'd been whipping her with, the barbs on the end ripping and tearing her skin. And that was the least of her hurts. She was fairly certain her shoulder was dislocated, she had at minimum, three broken ribs from the beating, and her nose was stopped up from the blood. Then there were the other damaged places. Ones she couldn't think about right now. Not and break down completely. It was funny how she could get the living shit beaten out of her and it didn't bother her. But the minute they started taking their clothes off, she had been transported back to being a scared eleven year old girl. And these guys were inventive. She hated feeling their slick between her thighs. "Are you alright?" she managed as she focused back on him.

"Me?" his tone was incredulous. "They've barely touched me and you…" his voice broke as a tear traveled down his face. "God, Ryan, what have they done to you?"

"It doesn't matter," she stated softly. "None of that matters. What matters is what happens when you get out of here."

"Don't be stupid. We're both getting out of here."

She shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. "No. You're getting out. Why else wouldn't she hurt you? No. She's got…something planned for me. I just don't know what yet."

"Ryan…"

"Don't, Sam," She looked up into his face. "Don't do that. Don't give me false hope."

"Dean will save us."

She swallowed again. "Yeah, he'll try. But she's crafty. I've seen evil like what's in her eyes, Sam. She's not going to let me go. She wants to break me."

"Then she can have me, take me instead…"

"No!" Ryan shouted. "No. She can't."

"You think I'm not strong enough?!"

She shook her head, her eye widening as she looked at him again. "Of course not! I know you're strong! That's why she won't take you. You lived through years of torture with Lucifer."

"That almost drove me bat-shit."

She nodded. "Almost. But it didn't. You came out on top, Sam. She knows you're stronger now for that. But I'm not. She'll manage to break me. And when she does, you're going to have to be there, to be ready."

"For what?" he whispered.

She licked her dry, cracked lips. "To take me out."

His eyes widened. "NO! I'm not about to kill you because you…"

"Because I what? She rips my soul out of me and I'm a soulless killing machine? She manages to turn me into a demon? She somehow manages to make me say 'yes' to Lucifer? Use your head, Sam. She knows she'll break me and then I'll be the perfect weapon because I know everything about you, about Dean, about the kids…" She licked her lips again and looked around. She would have Sam kill her now if she didn't think that would completely break _him _and she couldn't do that to him. He meant too much to her. "Promise me something?" she whispered.

"Anything."

"Look after him."

"Of course I will."

She reached her hand toward him, but it couldn't go far since her wrists were chained to the cross. He must have sensed what she needed because he moved closer, his chains dragging, and he bent his head toward her hand. She closed her eyes as she felt his hair in her hand. "No, Sam, I mean it. He can't…he can't go nuclear, not with…" She paused and licked her lips once more. She would kill for some water. They'd been giving her sips, enough to keep her alive, but that was all she'd had. "His job is to protect our boys, not to get revenge for this."

"Ryan…"

"Promise me, dammit!" her voice had started to sound hysterical, even to her. She took a breath. "I need to know you'll keep him safe, Sam. He'll do anything for you, I know that. But I know he'll also go to the ends of the earth for me. Rowena's one smart bitch, she knows he'll do something stupid like start another apocalypse or sell his soul again or something that will start a much worse wheel in motion. Stop him. I don't care if you have to chain his ass up in the dungeon of the bunker, you keep him from hurting himself, keep him from hurting the world, and keep him from hurting our boys." A sob caught in her throat and the tears stung as the salt got into the wounds on her face. "Remind him they need him more than I do, okay?"

"Ryan…" Tears were pouring down Sam's face as well.

"You gotta do this for me, Sam. I'm not making it out of here. The writing's on the damn wall. And when I do come out on the other side? I'll be a monster. One you will have to take down."

"You don't know that. You don't know that!"

"I do," she was sobbing freely now. No need to hold in any tears. Not at this point. She'd heard Rowena on the phone through the torture. They were coming to an end of this stalemate. Then she would be theirs to hurt even worse. And it would break her. She was strong now, because she had held out hope. But whatever was happening now, and she could sense the change on the wind, it would only end up worse for her. This was the end of her life, whether she actually died or not. But she had to do what she could to protect Dean. She had to keep him and the boys safe. "Promise me," she whispered again. "Please?"

Sam took a stuttering breath. "I promise."

* * *

**Dean POV **

Dean was antsy. They had to get them back. Now. After it was decided that Andy was going with them, and they decided they couldn't take Angel air due to her being pregnant, if only because they weren't sure of the effects it would have on the kid, they drove to New York. Hope, Cas, and Gabe had gone ahead to scout out the joint. Krissy had insisted she accompany them, so Hope had flown her Angel Air.

"I should have stayed behind," Andy stated softly as they crossed into New York State.

"What? Why? You were the damn one in the first place, who…"

"WE COULD HAVE HAD THEM BACK BY NOW!" she sobbed. "If I hadn't been so damn stubborn…"

Dean whipped to the side of the road, threw the car in park, and turned to her. She had her head in her hands and her shoulders were shaking.

"Hell," he muttered as he pulled her across the seat to him. "Shhh," he managed as he hugged her. "We're getting 'em back, And."

"What if…"

"Stop," he commanded. He blew a breath out of his nose. "None of that. Not now."

"But…"

"Stop," he said again. "We can't go in there with that attitude. Won't do us a damn bit of good."

"What if…"

"No. Damn it, Andy! You can't do that shit. Sam has been shot, stabbed, beat, gone to hell, been used as Lucifer's puppet, and a whole fuck-ton of other shit. This bitch? She's nothing. NOTHING. She's a human with a little bit of power."

"A little more than a little power," Andy shot back.

He looked down at her. She'd pulled away and was watching him. He shook his head. "No. She's powerful, yeah, but we've faced witches before. The only reason you're freaking out is because she has Sam. If she had any regular human…"

"But she doesn't. And I don't know how you're handling this so damn calmly when it's RYAN we're talking about, too!"

"You think I'm not freaking the fuck out!? Guess what?! I AM! But I've gotta be calm for you and the kid and Gabe and Hope and…" His voice caught and he cleared his throat. "I've had years of experience of shoving it down and dealing with it later. You've not been in this situation like I have, Andy. You gotta keep your shit calm."

Her eyebrow rose. "Like you did in the bunker when you tossed it to hell and back like a toddler having a tantrum?"

"Whaddya want me to say? I'm emotional, too, damn it, but sometimes you gotta lock shit up. And right now? It's gotta be locked up. I can't…I can't think any more about what they're doing to her, to him, because it'll drive me bonkers and I need my head screwed on straight before we dive into what the fuck ever is waiting for us."

She appraised him. "You've matured."

He snorted. "Only took me how many damn years?" He looked down and sighed. "I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna be here. I don't…I wish we could go back in time and it not happen. But it did. And I got more people than myself to think about. Hell, I got more than even Sam and Ryan to think about." He gave a pointed look at her midsection. "And now? So do you. So we suck it up, put on our big boy pants, and deal with it."

"But I don't wear men's undergarments," she stated with a hint of a smile.

He couldn't help the slight chuckle. "That, uh, that kinda makes me feel better, to be honest. I mean, Sam's kinda girly, and you're a little butch, despite your size…"

She punched him in the arm. "Asshole."

"You know it." He put a hand on her shoulder. "We will win. And we will get them back."

"Do you believe that, Dean? Really?"

"At this moment? It's the only thing I got going for me. So, yeah. I do."

Her eyes narrowed as she appraised him. "You're lying to make me feel better."

He was. He knew they weren't going to come out of this unscathed. Shit was going to go south faster than a cargo plane without a working engine. And the damage would be fucking epic. "Is it working?" he asked hopefully, praying she didn't hear the crack in his voice.

She sighed. "No. But the thought's there. That's gotta count for something." She slid back into her seat, took in a deep breath, blew it out, then nodded. "Alright. Let's get up there. We can't face it until we get there. Let's go in and…" her voice caught. She swallowed hard. "And then we'll deal with the aftermath."

His breath left him in a 'whoosh' but he just swallowed, nodded, threw the car in 'Drive' and resumed their journey.

When they arrived at the motel that was their meeting spot, he found Gabriel propped up against a door. "Got a room," the angel said in way of greeting as he thumbed toward the door. "And we got a situation."

Andy stopped. "What?" she asked on a whisper.

"The witch put up angle warding."

It didn't surprise Dean. Apparently she was smart and she was crafty. Rowena was definitely a worthy opponent. "Meaning, me and Andy are going in solo," Dean stated.

Gabriel nodded. "'Fraid so. If you sneak in, break the wards, we can join you."

"Where's Crowley?"

"I sent him back downstairs."

"Don't you think a demon would be of use right about now?" Andy growled.

Gabriel held up a hand. "Don't. I need someone downstairs to keep an eye on the joint in case Rowena kills me. It is possible, you know. And Hell needs to remain firmly in hand or we have the fuck-truck I've been dealing with for the past few years after Abaddon's power play. Don't question how I rule, Andy. I may look like a teenager, but I'm not. I'm not even human."

Andy blinked then her mouth set in a thin line. "Fine. So me and Dean are going in. Works for me."

Dean looked at Andy and shrugged. "No one I'd rather have going in with me to save Sam and Ryan than you, And. We can take care of the warding, no problem. Then we get our family back."

Andy gave a soft smile. "Thanks, Dean. I guess I'll go in and get ready."

Dean nodded and watched Andy walk into the room but he stopped and watched his son. It was getting easier, occasionally, to think of Gabriel in that way. Sometimes. But for some reason, the kid was easy to read. And something had crawled up his ass. "What?"

Gabriel didn't look at him. He continued staring at the road, watching the semi's going into the truck stop next door. "Nothing."

"No. Not nothing. What's got you twitchy? Leaving Crowley in charge?"

Gabriel shook his head. "Nah. Crowley's not quite as big a douche as you'd think. The boy then licked his lips. "This whole thing, though. It's feeling hinkey."

"Tell me about it," Dean muttered. "But, we've been in hinkier situations than this before."

"Yeah, I know, I just…" Gabriel sighed and Dean examined the kid even closer. Gabriel's hazel eyes were wary, tired, and his shoulders were slumped. He looked a lot like Dean did as a teenager. His face was a little rounder, like when he'd been about fourteen or fifteen, but he was taller than Dean had been at that age. And there were parts of Ryan stamped on the boy's face, Dean realized. The shape of his eyes, the lift of his mouth. It made Dean's own mouth go dry. They had to get Ryan back. "We're gonna get her back," Dean told him.

The angel's eyes filled with tears. "I just…I've love that woman since I first met her as a baby. I used to sneak into the Fawcett's house and play with her. I was her imaginary friend for the longest time after they moved to North Carolina." His voice was nostalgic as he added, "She was so sad when she left you. Even as a child, her soul knew it was missing its other half when they moved. I tried to cheer her up as much as I could."

"Why then-" Dean bit off his question.

Gabriel's eyes closed as if pain had ran through him and a small breath escaped him. "Go on. Ask it."

"Why weren't you there? Why didn't you stop those demons from…?"

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek. "You have to understand, some things make you into who you are. I couldn't…I couldn't change it. I wanted to. You have no idea how much I wanted to. I did, actually, but then when that didn't happen to her, it changed the timelines. And when she wasn't touched by the supernatural, the two of you never fell in love."

"Wouldn't that have been better?" Dean stated bitterly.

Gabriel shook his head. "The two of you…you had to be together. If you weren't, then the hell prophecies would have come true about her."

Dean briefly recalled the memories of the prophecy Gabriel had implanted in his head. "What?"

Gabriel sighed. "The prophecies about her only partially came true because she's your soulmate. If I hadn't stamped her as yours, then, Sam wouldn't have been earmarked for Lucifer. She would have. And it took the connection you and Sam have to put dear old Luci back in his box. If she'd have gone to him, then I don't know if Michael could have stopped him, even if he had taken you over. Because if Sam wasn't involved? You'd have said 'yes' and let Michael ride you into battle. And if that had happened?" Gabriel shrugged. "I don't think either of you would have made it out of there."

Dean shook his head. "But that doesn't make sense. Sam is Lucifer's perfect vessel."

"Didn't stop Michael from taking Adam though, did it? Same thing. Second best is still better than none."

"It still doesn't…why would her being my soul mate make a damn difference?"

Gabriel let out a growl of frustration. "It's all about the connections. The love. Don't you get it? All that bullshit they spout about love conquering all? They're right."

"But…"

"Think about it. If Lucifer jumped out of his box and started running around, destroying the world, Michael would have sweet talked you into letting him take you over, just like how you wound up with this damn mark!" Gabriel thrust his right arm under Dean's nose, showing off the Mark of Cain. "You'd have done something stupid and said yes to him, then everyone I love would be DEAD!"

Dean's brows furrowed. "YOU were the one that wanted me to say yes in the first place!"

"I WAS WRONG!" Gabriel shouted. He ran his hand through his hair. "Shit. I was wrong, okay? I thought you and him would fight, you'd either die or not, then the prophecies I was sent to make sure would happen, wouldn't. Then it wouldn't matter, anyway."

Dean's brows furrowed. "What are you…?"

Gabriel hung his head. "I didn't go into hiding. I was sent here to make sure the damn Righteous Man Prophecies came true, alright?! But I learned to love Ryan Fawcett more than I should, okay? She's my mom but she's more than that. She's like, the most important person in my world outside of Hope and now Jon. I get it, you know? I would literally move heaven and earth if it meant saving one of them. And that's…not necessarily good when you've got this much juice at your disposal."

Dean's eyes widened as he realized the depth of the Angel's love ran. He supposed he should have been upset his name wasn't in the small list Gabriel had just named, but oddly enough, it didn't faze him. He thought a moment. "Hope…"

Gabriel sighed anew. "I saw how miserable she was. I asked God if I could take someone with me, so I wouldn't be lonely. To fall and hide away for all but eternity was a lot to ask. I would be away from the only family I had ever known. And, yeah, I know, I know, I became Loki and got into all sorts of other shit, but it wasn't the same. I needed that connection to heaven."

"So you took your sister with you, and let her live her life."

Gabriel nodded. "But even as Dionysus, she still wasn't happy, not really. When I went forward in time and saw Lucifer would kill me, I had to make a change. I couldn't be there for Hope or Ryan if Lucifer killed me. So, instead of taking the bullet the first time around, I condemned Hope to her task."

"But, Gabe, you haven't condemned her."

"I have. I was supposed to take her place. I was supposed to be the angel born from you and Ryan. I was supposed to take over heaven. But I chickened out. I talked her into it instead."

"Why?"

Gabriel shrugged. "I don't know. I just…I couldn't give up the power, or I had to see everything happen for myself. I'm not sure. And now…" Gabriel's shoulder's slunk as he almost seemed to collapse on himself. "I'm trying my damnedest to give Hope what she wants and I can't find a way to work it."

"What's that?" Dean asked. "She seems happy."

Those hazel eyes which oddly enough, reminded him of Sam's, shot to his. "She's good at fronting. She learned that one over the ages. Why else does she work so well as being a Winchester? It takes special, fucked up individuals to assume that name."

Dean winced.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to…" Gabriel shook his head. "Anyway, there's one thing Hope has always wanted and I'm trying to find a way to give it to her, but I can't, not without fucking up even worse than I already have."

Dean wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know, but he had to ask. "What?"

"Humanity," Gabriel stated simply. "She craves being human. She wants a normal life. Kids, white picket fence, the apple pie life. And I'm doing all I can to find a way to give it to her."

"Can't you just…rip out her grace? Let her have it?"

Gabriel snorted. "Have you met her? She could have had it. As soon as her memories started popping up, she could have done it herself, but she knows she's here for a reason. And she's got enough Winchester in her to know she can't abandon her post. No one gets the apple pie life. You're proof positive of that."

"So, what, Gabriel? What are we going to do?"

"You're going to keep that shit under your hat where no one can see it. It's not my place, I just…I needed someone to talk to."

Dean smiled glumly and put his head on the boy's shoulder. "For what it's worth? I'm glad it was me you talked to. I've known for a long time it was Ryan you needed, not me."

"Dad…"

Dean held up a hand. "Don't. It's fine. You and I have an understanding, and I think the connection we have will get stronger this time around, now that I'm in your life more. But I knew your heart belonged to her. I'm glad. She needs you. You really are her guardian angel, aren't you?"

"Not good enough," Gabriel pouted.

Dean squeezed the kid's shoulder. "You're going a great job, Gabe. You really are."

"I feel like the only thing I'm doing is fucking up everything. Again. More. Shit. I don't even know at this point."

"You're doing what you can and that's all anyone could ask of you." Dean gave the boy's shoulder another squeeze. "You talk about humanity, but you've got it in spades, Gabe. You and Hope, both. You might not get exactly what you want, but what you've got, it's pretty good, right?"

Gabriel grabbed Dean's hand atop his shoulder. "I'm so glad you were the one chosen. And I'm glad I chose Ryan, too."

Dean thought a moment. "What were the prophecies again? I can't remember them word for word."

Gabriel blew out a breath and recited; "He who is the righteous man will bear fruit, and thus the balance will be restored; one to Heaven, one to Hell, one to Purgatory, and one to the Earth. This shall bring about the balance between the plains. And then the man, who was dealt many blows, shall finally find peace."

Dean wasn't sure he wanted to know what the 'peace' part meant, but he pressed on. "And the hell prophecies?"

Gabriel's face twisted as he said; "Forged in fire, tested, tempted, and tried, the mother will be of pure heart and a clear mind, seduced by the demon that sneaks into her heart, and thus, the child shall be born." Well, that sounded pretty damned accurate. Dean was about to open his mouth when Gabriel went on; "And she, the mother of the one true king, the mistress of both plains, shall become the Queen of Hell. And when her grace fails, and the evil takes hold, thus, the angel shall be released, and the true rein of evil shall begin. She shall unlock the doors and bring forth Hell on Earth."

Dean's mouth fell open.

Gabriel shot him a grim look. "Yeah. It's that bad."

"But she won't…we can't…"

Gabriel shook his head. "I'll do whatever it takes not to let Lucifer out of that cage again."

"Meaning…"

"If we can't save Mom, the only thing we can do, is kill her."

* * *

**Sam POV **

"Alright, enough time together, lovebirds," Rowena interrupted as she stormed back into the room some time later, bringing about five demons in her wake. With Sam's hands chained behind his back and no tools at his disposal since the torturers had cleaned off the bloody table where they usually sat, the only thing he could do to help the situation was wrap a blanket around Ryan haphazardly. He had been sitting with his back pressed gently against her legs, telling her stories of when he and Dean were younger, of the good things that had happened. She had fallen asleep sometime during his tween years, but he had kept talking, until he was hoarse and starting to go a bit mad as they waited, waited, waited.

One of the demons dragged Sam to his knees and hauled him away from Ryan. The rough concrete cut through the denim on his legs and scraped his skin with the fierceness of the act.

"Now what?!" Sam demanded. "What are you going to do with us?"

Rowena smiled and grabbed his chin. "Wouldn't ye like to know? But alas, it is not your time. Remove her from the cross and string him up."

Sam felt his stomach drop, but he was ready. If they were taking Ryan down, then it was his turn. Good. Maybe they would give her a break. It was hard to look at her. She had cuts and scrapes and bruises all over her body, not to mention the blood and…he was fairly certain he knew what the other fluids on her was and it had given him the dry heaves as he imagined those demons violating her that way. He was amazed she was sane after all that. If that hadn't broken her, what would? No, this was better.

He watched in horror as the demons released Ryan's chains and she fell, unconscious, to the floor. "Ryan!" he shouted, but he was punched in the face for speaking. He didn't care. "Ryan?"

She let out a moan, but that was it. Sam shot Rowena a look that he wished would kill but then he was being dragged across the floor to the cross. The first thing that confused him was the fact they didn't strip him as they did Ryan. The second thing that confused him was the fact they wrapped Ryan up in the blanket and one of the demons picked her up, bridal style. "Wh-what is going on?"

Rowena's smile clued him in that whatever was coming next, wasn't going to be good. She muttered some kind of spell, blew some powder in his face he couldn't help but inhale, and then…nothing.

* * *

**Dean POV **

"Alright, everyone ready?" he instructed quietly. Even though Gabe seemed to be in charge, they still looked to Dean to lead this task. He was chomping at the bit to get into that fucking building. It was innocent enough looking; just your basic abandoned warehouse. But it held his heart and he couldn't wait to get it back.

He looked over the other six. They could have used more humans going in, but he'd wanted Tory, Jody, and Ben watching over the boys just in case this was a distraction, which was always a possibility. He had also asked Jesse to stay behind since he had demon powers that might be able to counter-act the demons if they did try to storm the joint. Jesse had been surprised and had looked on the job as one of honor. He had to keep his kids safe. They were terrified enough as it was. They'd been instructed to stay in the bunker, Claire too, and though he was fairly certain he hadn't bought it, he didn't want Ben out here. He was still a new hunter and Dean didn't want to have to worry about him on top of everything else. He really didn't want Kris or Charlie here, either, but since Kris was the best witch they had at their disposal, and Charlie balanced out the others for their four on the witch front, he guessed he would have to take it.

"We're ready," Gabriel nodded. Dean was fairly certain he and Hope had both given Kris a dose of all their spell knowledge, because she had a determined set to her face and a slew of ingredients in her bag in case she had to get witchy running in there. Charlie, too, for that matter. Dean had insisted the two stay at the rear, only because Kris was pretty powerful and useful and needed to be protected if she were performing spells and Charlie would be needed to help Kris. At least, that's how he justified it. Gabriel and Hope had both backed him up on it. He knew better than to ask Andy to stay behind. For better or worse, Andy was going to be by his side as they did this.

Dean swallowed as he glanced at Andy. Every bit of her emotions were locked behind her eyes as she set her mouth in a stubborn line. "Let's do it."

The two of them snuck down to the building, praying it didn't have cameras and Dean quickly began picking the lock while Andy covered him. The salt pellets in the sawed-off wouldn't work against witches, but it would help with the demons, and, too, even if they were witches, it would certainly sting a bit while Andy pulled Sam's .38 out of her holster to shoot them with the witch killing bullets. "We should come up with a better name for those bullets," Andy comments softly as Dean worked deftly to open the door.

He paused his work to look up at her. "Huh?"

She shrugged. "It takes too long, calling 'Witch Killing Bullets'. We need something shorter."

He thought a moment. "WKB's?"

Andy seemed to roll that around in her head and nodded. "That works."

Dean smiled, briefly forgetting why they were there and just enjoying the hunt. "So, I yell, 'Toss me the WKB's!' are you gonna know what I'm talking about?"

"Probably not."

Dean chortled as he felt the tumblers fall into place and with a pointed look at Andy, opened the door.

They slipped inside and he quickly scratched the angel sigil from the door. He would remove each one they came across until they reached Sam and Ryan.

He pulled out the can of spray paint and X'ed out another mark as they moved down a small hallway. Hope said the place had burned a few times, but it didn't look like it. In fact, it looked as if each door he could see were new, fortified, and that clued him in to how long Rowena had been planning this.

They came to a door and Dean held up a hand, motioning Andy to stop. He slid the paint into his jacket and pulled out his gun. With a nod to Andy, he opened the door and they burst into the room. Nothing. It was empty. So was the next one. And the one after that. At the last door on the right, before the door that opened into the warehouse itself, they found chains attached to the wall.

"Dean," Andy breathed as she held up something from the corner. It was Sam's plaid shirt. The one he'd been wearing when he was taken.

"At least we found the right place," Dean murmured as he headed back into the hall. Andy dropped the shirt and was right behind him as they broached the door leading into the main area of the warehouse. There were no windows in the door, so Dean was extra cautious as he marked out the angel warding, then burst through the door.

"Sam!" Andy shouted as soon as she made it through. Dean swept his gun this way and that and, finding no one else in the space, hurried after her as she ran to his brother.

Sam was chained up on a cross, unconscious, his head lolling as Andy tried with shaking hands to pick the locks on the chains.

Dean shook his head as he put his gun away and began picking the locks. When he had the last one done, Andy unwrapped the chains from around Sam and Dean took the brunt of his weight as he gently eased him to the floor. "What's wrong with him?!" Andy shouted.

Dean shook his head. "I don't…"

Just then, Sam started to stir. "Sam. Sam!" Andy shouted as she clung to him. "Sammy? Baby?"

Sam opened his eyes and Dean had just a moment to shout and shove Andy away as Sam let out some kind of battle cry and grabbed Dean by the throat, shoving him into the floor.

Dean saw stars as his head connected with the concrete floor and he felt the breath slowly going stale in his lungs as Sam's hand tightened around his throat. He was dimly aware of Andy shouting, of the rest of their crew filing into the space, before the edges of his vision began to darken. That was when Gabriel approached them and Sam fell off of him.

Dean wheezed out a breath and then sucked in a big breath on a whoosh. He coughed, and sitting up, grabbed his throat. "What the hell?" he managed, though even to him, his voice sounded hoarse.

Hope was examining Sam and she bit out a curse. "That's what I was afraid of."

"What?" Andy asked as she timidly moved forward, Charlie holding her shoulders.

"Rowena put a spell on him. She called it a 'Watchdog spell'."

Dean's brows furrowed. "What does that mean?"

"It's a curse. He will do her will until he dies."

"WHAT?!"

Hope nodded, grim expression on her face. "He'll go and go until he can't go and he drops dead."

Andy began wailing at that point. Dean tuned her out as he zeroed in on his daughter. "You know the counter curse?"

Hope smiled. "Luckily, I do. Guess it pays to fuck a witch or two."

Dean shot her a look and she shrugged. "Like father like daughter, amIright?"

Gabriel let out a snort as Hope put her hands over Sam and began saying the incantation. Dean chanced a glance at Andy, who was watching Hope with her lip between her teeth, tears streaming down from wide eyes, and hands gripped tightly to Krissy on one side, Charlie on the other.

He turned his attention back to Hope as she finished the spell and then touched Sam with two fingertips. He came to on a gasp with wide eyes. "Shhh," Hope stated calmly. "Peace, Sam."

"Hope!?"

The girl smiled down at him. "Yeah. We're your rescue team."

He blinked once, twice, then glanced around. Dean knew the moment Sam saw Andy because he was up like a shot and had Andy in his arms. "Andy! Andy!" he began shouting as he hugged her to him tightly.

"SAM!" she cried.

Dean sniffed and nodded. Good. His little brother was okay. That was…that was good. He turned then and looked around the space. There was a table next to the cross. It was covered in blood, the outline of a few instruments of torture visible in the blood stains. There were scraps of fabric on the ground next to it. He knew before he picked them up, what they were.

"Dad," Gabriel whispered as he walked up behind him.

Dean picked up the fabric. It was Ryan's tee shirt. He clenched his teeth and his nostrils flared. The shirt had been ripped apart. He knew a glance at the denim cutoffs would be the same. He clenched the shirt in his fist and let out a blood-curdling scream as the pain assaulted him. She was gone. She wasn't here. Rowena had destroyed her and hadn't even left him with the pieces. That was the moment he checked out. His brain shut down. He couldn't deal with anything else.


	58. Demons

**Disclaimer: I recently saw a post on tumblr that said I didn't need disclaimers anymore. but I'm old and paranoid, so, I don't own Supernatural. In case you forgot.**

**Author's note: I LOVE all the reviews, guys! I'm such a review whore, gotta be honest. SO...warnings...well, really, do you need the warnings? Ya'll know my writing is DARK. So, warnings, triggers, the whole nine inside this chapter. For...everything? Guess that covers it. **

* * *

**Ryan POV **

When she woke up, she didn't know where she was or what was happening. She blinked slowly, vision clouded, one eye swollen shut, and that's when it hit her. She felt bile rising in her throat and she managed to turn onto her side to vomit on the floor next to her.

"My, how the mighty have fallen," a voice said from somewhere behind her.

She sat up and turned. That was when she noticed she was in a dim room. The space almost looked like a cave, but that couldn't be right, could it? "Wh-who is it? Where am I?"

"Such inane questions," the voice taunted.

Her mouth set. "Excuse me for not being more original."

He laughed. She still didn't know who he was or where they were. "I do admire the spirit, though. It will be such fun to break it."

"It's going to take a lot more to break my spirit than you'd think," she stated as she stood. Her whole body ached, but this was the first time in she didn't know how long she was able to move independently. She liked it. She was also clothed, somewhat, in any case, in a pair of yoga pants and a tee that looked like they'd seen better days. And they weren't hers. "So, I repeat, where am I?"

There was movement in the shadows. "Oh, do you want me to spoil the fun already, Ryan?"

Her breath caught. There was something familiar about his voice, but at the same time, she couldn't place it. He knew her name, but then, that wasn't surprising. She was obviously still with Rowena. And given the fact they were in a different location, she had been moved while she was unconscious. She swallowed hard and licked her lips. Uncertainty of her situation made her bolder instead of more timid as she asked, "Answer me one question."

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to," she brazenly replied.

He laughed. "Oh yes. I do so like you. Pity I'll also destroy you."

She rolled her eyes. He was one of _those_. Like one of the bad guys you see on a movie. He was a talker. That could potentially work to her advantage. "Did you leave Sam? Is he okay?"

"You sit here at the feet of your torturer, in HELL and you want to know if Sam Winchester is okay?"

So, she was in Hell. Well, that didn't necessarily surprise her, although Rowena must be one hell of a spell-caster for Gabriel not to have a bead on her yet. But, too, if they were in Hell, it would only be a matter of time before Gabriel found her. She had to hold out hope for that. After all, his name was still carved into her ribs. He might be the only angel that could find her, but he _could_ find her. Realizing she still hadn't answered the guy's question, she said, "Yes. He's like a brother to me. I love him. I want…I want to make sure he's alright."

The figure moved again, but still not into the light. "Well, my admiration has grown, little one. You've been beaten and bloodied so much so already, and yet, you stand your ground. So in that light, I will answer. Rowena left him there, at the warehouse. The Winchester clan arrived only moments later. The demons watching the site saw them all leave. So, yes, he is safe."

Ryan blew out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "Thank you. You didn't have to answer me."

He stepped into the light finally, and when she saw him, she shrank back automatically. It was the demon, Raeburn. It must have been. Here, in Hell, she saw his true face, and she recognized it from her internal vision, from when he possessed her. But it was the visage he was wearing that made her scream. He was wearing a face that was all too familiar; it was the face of the butcher from when she was eleven. She hit the wall behind her and he smirked. "You are most welcome, pet. And it will be the last mercy I bestow upon you."

* * *

**Dean POV **

**June Twenty-Sixth**

Dean's fist hit the wall. One week. Ryan had been gone for one solid, fucking week and yet, they weren't any closer to finding her. He felt the bones crack, felt the skin break, and blood drip, but he didn't care. His _wife _was out there, somewhere, and it seemed like everyone was twiddling their fucking thumbs!

"Dean…"

"Save it," he snarled as he turned from Sam. He didn't blame his brother. Nope. Not even a tiny bit did he blame Sam for being there instead of Ryan, because he knew, if the roles had been reversed, he'd have been just this upset if Sam had still been out there. Didn't make it any better, but there you go. Besides, even if he had blamed Sam, the younger man's hound dog expression and those damned puppy eyes clued him in he was beating himself up much more effectively than Dean ever could have.

"Dean…"

Dean closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "Sam, I told you, I'm not mad. I'm frustrated. And I'm attempting to use my words. But if you keep pushing me about my damned feelings, I'm going to turn around and hit _you _instead of this fucking wall, so for the love of _God, _please give me some fucking SPACE!"

Sam automatically took two steps back, Dean heard them, but the hurt expression was still on his face when Dean opened his eyes. "Fuck! Don't look like that!"

"Like what?!" Sam exclaimed.

"Like you have a fucking CLUE as to how I'm feeling! You don't, okay!? You don't know, you don't get it and you never WILL!"

Sam's eyes grew wide as he took another few steps back, but Dean was already on a roll. "For some fucked up reason, it's always ME that gets shit on, okay?! It was ME who Dad sold his soul for. It was ME that sold MY soul! I was the one that got carted off by hellhounds! It was ME that went to Purgatory. It was ME that turned into a fucking DEMON and now?! Now some sick FUCK is turning MY WIFE into God knows what so Lucifer can ride her around! SO excuse me for not wanting you to even ATTEMPT to know what it's like!" Dean punctuated the last statement with a shove to Sam's chest.

Instead of Sam looking sadder or running off to cry or some shit, his mouth set in a hard line as his eyes narrowed. "EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?! I was the one infected with DEMON BLOOD my whole life! I was the one that got stabbed in the back and then became the 'chosen one' for the demons! Remember Lucifer and Michael tortured ME for a fucking YEAR in that fucking cage?! I was the one that had to live with the fact you sold your soul for ME! I was the one that took on the Hell trials! I was the one possessed by a fucking ANGEL! So, no, I don't know what it feels like for it to be MY wife down there, but by God, do NOT begin to compare trials and fucking tribulations, because they're ALL bad and they're all JUST THE SAME!" Sam shoved him back and Dean threw a punch.

Sam let out a battle cry and hit him back. Dean was in a blind rage as he hit and punched and received hits and punches in return until, finally, he felt some invisible force pushing him away from Sam and against the wall.

He blinked as some of the red left his vision to see Sam shoved into the opposite wall. "ARE YOU DONE!?" Hope shouted as she stood, eyes glowing angel blue as she stood at the top of the bunker's steps. Andy was standing with her, looking a bit like a demon with her arms crossed and Dean would have preferred seeing the fires of Hell than the look that was on her face.

He swallowed hard as he looked at Sam and Sam looked at him. They both blew out a breath and Dean felt Hope's power leave him and he dropped lightly to his feet. "Yeah, we're done."

"Sorry, Hope," Sam muttered.

She shook her head as she and Andy descended the steps. "I know none of us are particularly productive, but killing each other isn't the answer, either of you."

Andy sat on one of the tables and looked from one to the other. "We're going to rescue her, Dean, but this isn't the answer."

"It's kinda what we do," Sam told her as he wiped blood from his nose.

Dean nodded as he wiped the blood from his mouth. "Yeah, sorry, Andy, Hope, I just…"

"It reached that point. The levee broke," Hope stated on a nod as she touched Sam's hand, healing him. She walked over and looked up at Dean. "But, Daddy, you've got to believe we'll get her back."

"Will we?" he whispered. "Gabriel can't find her. Those marks on her ribs are either gone or cloaked by Rowena's spell and we aren't any closer to finding her than we were twelve hours ago, than we were yesterday, than we were two days ago…we. Can't. Find. Her. And I'm about to lose it!"

Andy sniffed and Sam took her hand, causing Dean to look away. He couldn't do it. He couldn't see the two of them together. Not while Ryan was… "I'm sorry," he managed as he pushed off from the wall and all but ran to the shooting range.

He didn't feel like shooting anything when he got there, though. And though he knew where the booze was hidden in the room, he didn't reach for it. There would be time, later, to drink himself into a stupor. Once Rowena finally either did what she set out to do, or killed Ryan, he could drink himself to death then. But for now, on the off chance they _did _come up with a plan, he had to be ready.

He fell into the chair in the corner and put his head down between his knees as he felt the hysteria building. He felt like he was going to hyperventilate as the stress overtook him. Jody was watching the boys and he knew he should be there, but he couldn't. He didn't want to snap on them like he had Sam. The day he ever hit one of his kids in anger like John had him as a kid, that was the day he ate one of his own bullets.

"Breathe," he heard as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He was past the point of caring about propriety as finally the dam broke the rest of the way and the sobs that had been building came out. He didn't know how long he cried. It wasn't just the one single tear and then he locked it up, no, this wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He sobbed, he cried, he cursed God and everything else he could think of before finally, he felt the tears stop and he let out a child-like hiccup before he rubbed his eyes with his hand. He looked up to find Gabriel kneeling in front of him. "Gabe," he managed as his voice cracked.

"I'm here. I'm so sorry. I know that's not good enough, but I-"

"C'mere," Dean offered as he opened his arms and this time, he wasn't comforting some angel dude, he was comforting a son who was missing his mom. And not just any son, _his _son. "It's okay, Robert Gabriel," he told the boy. "We'll find her."

Gabriel pulled away and wiped his own eyes. "Will we? Will we really? I can't…I'm a fucking _archangel._ We're supposed to know all, see all…"

Dean shook his head. "Look, ain't nobody to blame for this but that evil cunt, Rowena. And trust me, between me and you? She's gonna get what's coming to her. But until then, we bide our time and wait. We got our own witches working on it and every other fucking supernatural creature we can. We'll get her back."

Gabriel's eyebrow rose. "You're being quite upbeat about it this afternoon."

Dean shrugged. "I can only feel but so sorry for myself before I realize I'm better if I keep it locked up. I can't…I can't become paralyzed with grief. If all the shit me and Sammy have been through up to this point have taught me anything, it's that we gotta plan on figuring a way outta this. And we will. We just gotta keep our head in the game."

Gabriel smiled as if he couldn't help it. "High School Musical?"

"It was the only thing you wanted to watch this morning…" His eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute…"

The boy's smile grew. "So I'm always Gabriel. Sue me."

Dean chuckled flatly and cuffed him gently on the head. "You little jerk. Well, hell, I guess it made me feel better."

"See? I knew you were into showtunes."

"Yes. They're _fabulous,_" Dean said on a snicker.

They both laughed. "We'll find her," Gabriel stated confidently. "I've got the powers of heaven and hell on my side in this instance. Hell, because they're scared of me, and Heaven…well, because they're scared of you."

"Me?"

Gabe nodded. "The angels are terrified you'll do something stupid."

"With good reason," Dean muttered on a snort.

"Yeah, well…"

"Thanks, Gabriel, for making me feel better."

"Same goes, Dad. Same goes."

Dean looked at the kid. "You look tired. Come on. I got some stuff in the kitchen. Wanna burger?"

"One of my dad's famous cheeseburgers? Sign me the fuck up."

Dean's breath caught but he added softly, "I'm pretty sure we got some leftover apple pie, too."

Gabriel's eyes turned sorrowful. "The caramel apple?" he inquired.

Dean just nodded.

Gabriel ran a hand over his mouth. "That sounds…that sounds great."

Dean stood and slung an arm over Gabriel's shoulder. The kid was still about an inch shorter than him. His vessel was only about that of an eighteen or nineteen year old. Dean hadn't finished growing until he was twenty, Sam had been about twenty two. "You know, you let your vessel get a little older, you'll get a little taller, shorty."

Gabriel smiled. "I'll wait for Jon." His smile grew. "Kid may look like you, but he's built like Sam. Tall, lean…" He paused. "We sure him and Mom didn't…"

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Finish that sentence and I will hit you, son or not."

Gabriel held up both hands. "Kidding! I'm kidding! Trust me."

They walked to the kitchen and Dean began pulling stuff out of cabinets. "Say, Gabe?"

"Yeah?" the kid asked from where he'd perched his ass at the table.

"Did-no." Dean thought of what he wanted to ask. "How many timelines have you messed with?"

"Throughout eternity, or just with you?"

"Just with me."

Gabriel's brows furrowed as he thought. "A lot. Ten, twenty, at the minimum. Why?"

"In those, did Sam and Ryan…?"

Gabriel shot him a look. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

That confirmed Dean's suspicion. Sometime. Somehow. Some way, they'd hooked up. He didn't know if it made him angry or glad. "Was I at least dead?"

Gabriel chuckled. "Yeah."

"Good. That makes me feel better."

"But none of those matter, you know? This path, right here, good or bad, it's the one you're living. Don't focus on the other ones."

"How do you not go batshit, seeing all that? Knowing all that?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Internal wiring? Hell if I know, I just know I see every life I've ever led. They're stored in boxes until I need access to them."

"So, you remember…everything?"

"Yeperoo."

Dean silently worked on pattying, then frying up two hamburgers. "Interesting."

Gabriel chuckled. "That's scary."

"What?"

"When you sound more like Sam than you do you."

Dean smiled. "Occasionally the big ape rubs off on me."

"Yeah. Sometimes you rub off on him, too."

They were quiet for a while as Dean finished fixing their sandwiches. He snagged two pickle spears and some chips, then sat the two plates on the table. Gabriel's eyes grew round as saucers and he dove into the meal without even waiting for Dean to grab them each a soda or sit down. "Dif if amathing," Gabriel said around the bite.

Dean's lip quirked. "Glad I could help."

Gabriel swallowed the bite and dove in for another one.

Dean took his time savoring not only the awesome flavor of the sandwich, but also, the company. "So, you remember being Gabriel that dealt with us a few years ago?"

Gabe put the sandwich down long enough to jam about half the pickle down his gullet. "Uh-huh."

"And the Gabriel that's a baby now."

Down went a quarter of the soda. "Sure do."

"And the ones in the timelines you wouldn't let us remember?"

"Yes." The angel paused. "Look, knowing all this? It's a burden. But at the same time, I get to see how I've fixed it along the way. I make note of what didn't work, and what did. I can see where the paths diverge and where shit hits the fan. And then I fix it. Boom."

Dean picked up his burger again. "So…how can we fix this?"

Gabriel swallowed hard and looked him in the eye. "We find Mom. We fix whatever they broke in her. We move on. We're Winchesters. We persevere. It's what we do."

Dean smiled a little bit at that. He'd heard Ryan say that a few times. "That's your mom talking."

Gabriel swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. It is. We'll get her back. We have to."

* * *

**Ryan POV **

"Is she going to cry again? I hope so," the one demon giggled. Anseth was his name. He had been the other demon there with the one Rowena called her grandson. The younger guy hadn't been around since she'd arrived in Hell, but she felt sure it was just a matter of time before he showed up. Or maybe he had served his useful purpose. Rowena didn't strike her as the type that kept family around for love. No, once Gavin, that was his name, had served his purpose, he was toast.

But since she had arrived in Hell, Anseth and Raeburn had been working in tandem to break her. They were almost there. She knew it.

"P-P-Please," she whispered. "Please stop."

"Please stop!" Anseth crowed. "Oh, Raeburn, you have done well with this one."

Raeburn's smile was cold as he picked up another knife. Her eyes widened as much as they could. Her face felt like nothing but a bloody meatbag, which was probably not far from the mark. "I can't…please. No more."

"Please, she asks. Please?!" Anseth taunted as he poked her with the electric cattle prod.

She screamed anew as the electrical current ran through her. "Stop! Please!"

"Come on, give her some credit. She's just a child, Anseth. You can't expect her to be able to tell us all her thoughts and feelings. She can't formulate them."

Ryan swallowed and looked down at herself. Somehow, they'd managed to glamor her body so she looked like she was eleven again. Instead of the soft curves that lined her body, the swell of her breasts, the sharper points of her hips, she was flat chested with a slightly round tummy again. She was four feet eleven inches instead of the usual five seven she was as an adult. She didn't recognize herself in the mirrors that hung in the space. She didn't know why they'd done that, unless it was just to humiliate her further, to be able to see them as they…

The slap to her face brought her eyes back to the demon in front of her. "Where'd you run off, girlie? I'm talking to you!"

She licked her lips and felt the burn as her tears traveled down her face, hitting every cut along the way. "I'm done. Please. Let me rest. If…if you kill me, how will you have any more fun?"

Raeburn grabbed her chin, forcing her mouth open. "Who said we were done? And who said we were going to kill you?" He held out his other arm and the demon slit Raeburn's wrist. "Oh no. Time for some medicine…"

Her eyes widened again and she tried to shake her head back and forth to loosen his grip, but he managed to swipe her mouth with his wrist.

She felt it, the first few drops that dribbled into her mouth. She prepared to spit it back out, but he grabbed her broken nose so hard she thought she would scream, but then he held her mouth shut so she had no choice but to swallow before he let her breathe again.

She wanted to retch. She tried. But as soon as the demon's blood hit her stomach, she found the pain had lessened. Her eyes met his and he smiled. "It feels better, doesn't it?"

"Hurts," she stated softly.

"You want more? You want to feel better, my sweet girl?"

She knew she should say 'no' but her whole body ached so badly. "Yes," she whispered. "More."

Raeburn let out a laugh. "Yes! Bob! Come here my boy!"

A third demon walked up. "Yes, sir?"

Raeburn's smile turned cold as Anseth grabbed Bob from behind. "Trust me, this is for a worthy cause," he sneered as he slit the demon's throat. He held a cup under the wound until the cup overflowed with blood. He turned and Ryan saw Anseth stab Bob with an angel blade. "Look at me, sweet child."

Ryan's eyes met Raeburn's once more.

"Open, pet. Open up and drink your medicine. It will make you feel so much better."

Ryan opened her mouth without a second thought. She ached so bad, she just needed to feel better. To get stronger. If she could just be well enough to run, she could escape. That's all this was, wasn't it?

He tipped the cup to her mouth and she began to drink. With each swallow, she felt herself growing stronger. Her wounds were healing little bit by little bit. "Yessssss," he hissed salaciously and she was disgusted to see his sex becoming erect again. That was the first time she had noticed he nor Anseth were clothed. Well, why would they be? They'd been raping her off and on since she'd been there. Why bother with clothes, right? "Yes, drink it, my sweet," he told her as his other hand gently ran through her tangled curls. He let out a groan as he began rutting against her leg. "Fuck. Tell…Rowena…tell her she is ready. Or she will be, very, very soon…"

* * *

**Dean POV**

**July Third**

Another week passed and Dean's forced optimism was at an all-time low, which wasn't saying much, but he was beginning to lose hope on a biblical scale. And everyone was suffering for it. He was trying, though. He knew he had to keep his shit together for the littlest boys who were still fighting shock and nightmares thanks to the demons he would, one day, personally rip limb from limb before he even thought about giving them the relief of being stabbed into nothingness, but until that day, he was struggling just to make it through the hours as they attempted to, while they continued searching for ways to find Ryan, go about their daily routines.

"Dean," Andy spoke softly, as if he were a horse that would be spooked easily if she didn't warn him of her presence. She wasn't far off the mark.

"What," he bit out, not looking up from the book he was reading. Sam might have been the researcher, but when he had something on his mind, he didn't mind jumping into the lore. And finding Ryan was paramount.

He felt her hand go under his chin and his head was forced up to look at her. Her mouth was set in a hard line. "Today is July third."

"Yeah. I know. Two fucking weeks, Andy! What the hell? I mean, we've got witches, angels, fucking demons, and nothing?! Is someone lying? Maybe I need to pull out some torture tactics." He smirked. "I mean, I know ya got the kid in there, but want to help me fuck up some demons?"

Her eyes widened. "Are you _listening _to yourself?!"

"Yes!" he shouted before he sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "Look, And, I'm trying here, but I'm slowly losing it!"

"You think I don't know? You think I don't see? Hell, you think I don't get it? But there is something a bit more pressing at the moment."

"Than finding Ryan!?" he asked, incredulous.

She crossed her arms. "It's July third," she told him again.

"Yeah, big whoop. Tomorrow's Independence Day. Big fucking deal. I'd love for Ryan to get independent! Then she could get the hell out of wherever the fuck she is we can't find her!"

Andy ground her teeth and blew a breath out of her nose. "You know, I realize this is bad, Dean. But think for a fucking minute as to what July the fucking fourth is!"

Dean blinked. July fourth, July fourth…his eyes widened.

"Bingo. Give the man a prize, Johnny."

"Fuck. It's Bobby's birthday."

"Yeah. It is."

Dean sucked in a breath. "What do…what do we do? Ryan always handles things and she's not…" His control snapped once more and he swore he'd never cried so much in his damn life. "What am I gonna do?" he whispered as a tear tracked down his face.

She gave him a grim smile. "I called the grocery store yesterday. They're making him a cake. Hope, Kris, and Claire are going to get decorations. Sam's going to take him fishing at Tory's tomorrow morning while we get it all set up."

"She's gonna miss it."

Andy sniffed, tears rolling down her own face. "I know. But we've gotta do it, for Bobby."

He swallowed hard. "I know."

"Did you guys have an idea for a gift, or…?"

He nodded. "Yeah. A real two-wheeler. I gotta run down and pick it up at Walmart. Gotta assemble the fucker, too."

She shook her head. "I'll go get it. I just didn't know."

He grabbed her hand as she stood and shook his head. "No. Let me go get it. I gotta…it'll give me something else to think about for five damn seconds besides Ryan."

Andy squeezed his hand. "You know we won't give up. You didn't when Sam was in Hell, you didn't stop looking."

"Yeah, but it took an angel to get him out."

"And Sam didn't stop looking for you when you went to Hell, either."

"Took an angel to get me out," he muttered.

She smiled slightly. "Lucky thing we got three at our disposal, huh?"

He thought about that a moment before he nodded as he stood. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. I'm always right."

His lip lifted just slightly. "Yeah, you are, Doc. Thanks. I'll make a supply run. Do we need anything else?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Me and Tor have it well in hand. Cheeseballs, hot dogs, chocolate cake…all his favorites."

He pulled her to him and squeezed her as tightly as he could. "Thank you, Andy, for being the best goddamn sister a man could ask for."

She squeezed him back just as tightly. "Love ya, Wyatt."

They broke apart and he cleared his throat before he headed up the steps to the impala. He sat behind the wheel and blew out a breath. "Ryan, where are you?!" he whispered vehemently. "These kids need you! I need you…"

* * *

**Ryan POV **

She woke up feeling more like herself than she had in she didn't know when. She looked around the room. No one was there. This made the third time she'd woken up alone. No one had come in, either. "Is this a new form of torture?!" she screamed into the dark space. She stood and walked to the cell door. "Hello?" she called out. She looked down. They'd gotten tired of making her look like a kid. She was back to her old self, or, so it would seem. Scars now littered her body, proof that the demon blood they'd fed her had healed her, but had left behind nasty traces. She could feel it, the blackness oozing through her. She wondered if Sam had felt the same. If, growing up, he'd felt the darkness threatening, looming just out of reach. To control it, defeat it, or embrace it, she wasn't sure.

She stepped away from the door and walked the space once more. How long had she been down here? It felt like an eternity. Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Surely someone would have rescued her by now, wouldn't they? And furthermore, was Hell such a big space, Gabriel or Dean couldn't find her?

"Ahhh, look at the wee lonely lass," Rowena cooed from the other side of the door.

"Let me out!" she shouted.

Rowena smiled. "Tut-tut. Not just yet, my dear."

"What do you want from me?"

"Submission."

Ryan smiled. "Well, you're sure as hell not gettin' it from me, toots."

Rowena just smiled.

Ryan took in the witch's clothing. Another one of those damned dresses that looked like she should be going to dinner at some fancy joint instead of traipsing around hell. "Do you have tea with the queen?" Ryan sneered.

"I'm Scottish, not British, you twat."

Ryan shrugged. "Like I give a fuck."

Rowena's eyes narrowed. "It won't be long now, dear."

"Until what?" Ryan demanded.

A smile was the only answer she got as Rowena vanished into thin air. "Damn you!" Ryan shouted as she grabbed hold of the bars to the door. "Damn you, Rowena!" She gave the door an angry tug and to her surprise, it opened.

Ryan's eyes widened and she closed the door automatically as her heart started to race. "What the..." she breathed. She swallowed hard. There was no way this wasn't a trap. They were going to catch her. She couldn't find her way anywhere down here in the catacombs of Hell. Could she? She gauged her situation. Her chances were slim, but she couldn't let that stop her. It was escape or death. And she wasn't prepared to die.

She glanced down at her bare feet. Well, she didn't have shoes, but she was dressed in those same yoga pants and ratty tee, but who gave a shit as long as she got out of there, right? She began tiptoeing her way down the corridor, praying she was going the right direction. She was about to round the corner when she heard a voice. She held herself as still as she could and the sound faded, as if the body attached to it were walking the other direction.

She continued on, not seeing another soul and she felt the air change. It had been humid where she had been, but now, it was getting hotter and hotter still. The fact she was literally in Hell wasn't lost on her. Sweat broke out on her forehead, nose, and neck. She panted out a breath and had to stop for a moment before she continued on her path. Then the hall ended into a large antechamber. One filled with demons. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath.

As one, they turned to her. She counted thirty at the least and she smiled softly. "Uh, hey, so, I was just out for a stroll…" she knew she couldn't fight them. She began running back the other direction and was quickly captured by one that looked like he'd been a linebacker while in human form. He grabbed her around the waist and she screamed as loudly as she could as she began flailing about.

She must have connected with him somewhere because he dropped her into a heap on the floor. She was up like a shot and running again, back down the corridor. She didn't know how long she ran, it seemed as though her cell was gone, which, hey, they were in Hell, anything was possible. She ran until she ran…right back into the anteroom. "What the fuck?!" she exclaimed as she stopped short.

Another demon began coming toward her. "So glad you could join us," she said as she lunged.

Ryan dodged her and began a game of chicken against the demons, looking for another way out. There was none. In fact, it was as if the room had no doors at all now. There was no escape. This was going to end. Badly.

* * *

**Dean POV**

He drove to the Walmart and found a parking space near the back. No way in hell was he trusting any mom with five brats and an SUV to smash its doors into his baby. He strolled into the garden center, grabbed a shopping cart, and went straight to the bicycles. Once there, though, he faltered. He and Ryan had an argument about whether Bobby needed a helmet when they decided to get him a bike in the first place. She said he did. Dean reminded her the kid was an angel and part vampire. He would be fine without a helmet. She reminded him even though he would be fine, it would still hurt like hell if the kid snapped his neck. It had been a heated one, as most of their arguments were. Some days he swore the only things they were good at was fighting and fucking.

He picked up the helmet with the Batman ears and once more felt the tears threaten. He couldn't do that. He could not lose his shit in the bicycle helmet aisle of Walmart. He had at least that much self-respect. He cleared his throat before he walked over to the two wheelers and found the right size for the kid and bought him the Batman bike, too. Then, he decided he needed to get some other things for the boy. He'd seen some kind of Batarang online, so he went in search of that. When he was finally done, he took his purchases to the checkout line. He grabbed Bobby some chocolate bars, too, and paid. He was doing it. He could make it. He'd bought his kid a birthday present without his wife. This was…good, he supposed.

He shoved the box for the bike and the other stuff in the trunk of the impala, slammed it shut, and went to sit behind the driver's seat. That was when he lost it. How the hell was he going to celebrate Bobby's birthday without Ryan?

* * *

**Ryan POV **

Ryan was being held; one arm was pinned to the wall by one demon, the other, by another demon. They all inched closer, to do what, she wasn't sure. Another demon punched her in the face and she felt the blood start pouring again. She wondered how she even had any blood left. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe it was all demon blood at this point. That thought made her queasy, so she squashed it.

Yet another demon came closer and she spat in his face. "What ya gonna do, huh? Nothing worse than I already had done, so don't try it!" she shouted.

He just smiled as he moved both his hands to the waistband of her pants.

That was when something…snapped in her. "NO!" she shouted and she felt it…raw power flooded through her. It went out of her like a shock wave, blasting the demons off their feet. "NO!" she shouted as she grabbed the demon that had held down her left arm. She snapped his neck and he dropped, black smoke billowing out of his body as he attempted to get away. But there were no exits. The demons all seemed to realize that and Ryan smiled as she felt the power in the room shift in her favor.

She grabbed the one that had held her right arm and pulling it closer, bit its throat out. She felt the blood travel down her throat and she swallowed, re-energized as she held out a hand and the one that had gone for her pants, stopped dead. "Not. You," she purred coldly. She somehow forced him to his knees and held him still while she drained the blood out of the one in her arms.

When she finished, the demon fell, dead at her feet. She stepped over the body and smiled coldly at the demon on his knees. His eyes were wide as she walked toward him. "Like to rape women, do you?" She looked around and found an even bigger looking demon. Its meatsuit was positively huge. "Let's see how much you like being raped," she stated coldly. She didn't know how, but she snapped her fingers and the bigger demon obeyed.

She cackled wildly as she watched the scene unfold. It seemed as though the other demons were stupefied. She looked up from the now crying demon and said, "BOO!" causing the others to scurry away from her. She smiled as she strolled over to one wearing a fairly attractive meatsuit. "Come here," she beckoned gently. He came forward and to her surprise, knelt before her.

She brushed a hand to his face. He was young, or his suit had been. No more than twenty. Fresh-faced, almost…innocent. She needed to destroy that innocence. "You!" she shouted at the big guy who had finished torturing the other demon. "Big fella. Got a name?"

"Butch."

She snorted. "Of course it is." She looked at him, then down at the pretty boy at her feet. "I found your next victim."

The demon on his knees looked at her, his eyes wide. "No. P-P-P-Please…"

Her eyes hardened. "I shouted that for too long and no one gave a fuck about my screams. No. It's time I showed you all who is boss!"

She felt the surge welling up, traveling through her. The blackness called for blood and she eagerly partook. She, along with the minion she had accepted, tortured and slaughtered all the others in the room until she was covered from head to toe in their blood from killing and drinking. She giggled, feeling high as the raw power flowed through her. She looked over at the brute by her side and she felt it as the final slide happened; her soul turned black as pitch and her eyes flickered to match it. She laughed out loud in relief. She felt…nothing. Now that she had nothing to lose, she was free.

* * *

**Dean POV **

The pain that ripped through him caught him off guard. He gasped and clutched his chest.

"Daddy?" Hope asked. "Dad!" she shouted as she went to him. "Are you…?" Her brows furrowed. "You're fine. I don't feel anything wrong. What is it?"

He gasped again as the pain left, but in its place was a dull ache. "I don't know," he panted.

"What do you mean?"

He shook his head. "I feel like I can't breathe," he managed.

"Hope, if I may?" Castiel stated as he moved to touch Dean's forehead. They were cleaning up from Bobby's birthday. It had been a somber affair, but Bobby had been happy enough to have his bike, claiming he would learn how to ride it so he could show his mom when she came back.

Cas frowned. "He seems normal."

"That's what I SAID," Hope growled with narrowed eyes.

Cas held up both hands. "No disrespect, but you are still growing into your grace, Hope. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't missed anything."

Hope's eyes narrowed even further as she poked Cas in the chest and began backing him into the kitchen counter. "You can take that 'profound bond' and shove it up your ASS Castiel! He may be YOUR charge, but he's MY father!"

"Whoa," Dean stated as he jumped between them. "Time out. Breathe, both of you."

They turned to him and he was unsurprised to find Hope's eyes glowing blue. "Hope. Take a Midol," he told her tiredly. He couldn't handle a PMS'ing angel tonight.

She gasped but then blinked and blew out a breath as she took a step back. "Sorry, Cas," she muttered. "My temper gets the best of me."

Cas cleared his throat. "So I've seen."

"So? What was that?" Dean asked as he rubbed his chest with the heel of his hand. It was just him, Hope, and Cas in the kitchen. Tory was putting the boys to bed. Sam and Andy had just left. Jody was driving back to South Dakota. She had spent enough time away from her job, though, Sam had slyly found out the position of Sheriff in the county next to theirs was available, if she were looking to relocate, that was. Ben and Jesse were prepping for a case. Krissy was around somewhere, thought Dean wasn't sure where. Charlie had just left for the bunker. Life was, whether he liked it or not, moving on.

"I have a theory," Cas began, his face grim.

Hope's eyes widened. "Don't even…"

"Hope, we have to prepare ourselves for the possibility…"

Her eyes filled with tears. "Not today, Cas. Not…"

Dean swallowed as his stomach bottomed out. "What?"

"It is possible you felt the connection between you and Ryan snap."

Dean felt bile rising but he swallowed again and asked, his voice going up an octave, "What?"

"Dean, I am sorry. For you to feel that kind of phantom pain…"

"Maybe…maybe it doesn't have anything to do with it. You sure it's not my ticker? I mean, I eat my fair share of bacon double cheeseburgers…" It was a sad day when he'd prefer a heart attack to the implications Ryan was…he couldn't even think the word.

"No, you are in perfect health, no doubt due to the multitude of times you have been healed by angels. We heal you fully, not just the cuts and bruises."

"So, if it's not my heart, then…"

"No," Gabriel stated as he appeared. "I would know if she weren't on this planet, Castiel. Just like Dean is your charge, Ryan is mine. I'd know it."

Dean felt the breath leave him and his knees weakened to the point he pulled out a chair and fell onto it.

"That doesn't mean she's okay, though," Gabriel stated grimly as he poured himself a generous glass of sweet tea. It was a luxury Dean had made for them for the birthday party. Ryan didn't make it for them often due to the sheer amount of sugar in it, but Dean had watched her and duplicated it, putting his own spin on it as he added fresh peach syrup. Even though he was miserable without Ryan, she'd trained him on how to be a half-ass gracious host.

"That one, we knew," Dean muttered.

Gabriel nodded then sipped his drink. "Holy shit, Dad, you put peach in this? Damn. As if you could make it better, but yet, you did."

Dean smiled at his son. While Gabriel's younger counterpart slept off the excitement and party, he was sitting there with them, now helping himself to a piece of his own half-eaten birthday cake.

Dean felt a bit better now and stood. He walked to the table in the foyer and returned with a blue birthday bag. "Here," he stated as he dropped it in Gabriel's lap.

Gabriel's eyes widened and he looked up from where he was licking chocolate icing off his fingers. "For me?"

Dean shrugged. "We don't get to spend birthdays with you now. And, well, I don't know if Ryan usually does something for you or not, but knowing her, she probably does, and I just kinda thought you deserved something and, well, hell, open it up."

Gabriel flashed him a wicked grin before he opened the bag. "Wow…"

While he was in Walmart, Dean had picked him up about three of each chocolate bar he'd seen, plus a huge bag of Tootsie Pops. "Seriously? This is great."

"Yeah, well, it's not meaningful or anything, but…" That was all Dean managed before Gabe's hug cut him off. Dean smiled anew and hugged the boy back.

"Thanks, Dad," Gabriel whispered as he hugged him. "This means a lot. More than you know, actually."

Dean pulled away and sat back down.

"So, I had a thought," Gabriel added as he, too, sat.

"Do tell," Hope murmured as she dropped down next to him and offered him a side-arm hug.

"Instead of trying to find where Mom is, we should look for where she isn't."

"Meaning…?"

Gabe took a giant bite of cake and hummed in appreciation. "Well," he said after he swallowed, "She's not in Purgatory. I got guards watching the two entrances."

"Yeah, but if a monster dies, doesn't he just kinda…wake up there?" Dean asked.

Gabe nodded. "Yeah, they do, but Mom's human. And unless she blasted apart a Leviathan to get there like you did, she's gonna have to come in the old fashioned way; through a door. So, she's not there."

"And she's not in Heaven," Hope stated. "Cas has been all over the joint."

"Yes. She is not there, either," Cas confirmed.

"So, that leaves two places; Earth. And Hell."

Dean blinked. "But, she can't…they can't have dragged her to Hell. Not without you knowing…"

Gabriel sighed. "There are so many back-alleys, cracks, and hidey-holes in that joint, it's entirely possible she's there and I don't know."

"How? Don't you have Hell on like, lock-down or something?"

"Easier said than done. Abaddon didn't help matters when she tried to usurp Crowley. Then I showed up and stole the throne. Hell ain't what it used to be. There are deserters, demons out there doing their own thing, factions popping up that think they can do a better job of leading the joint…" Gabriel sighed. "Hell is so vast, you wouldn't believe it."

Cas nodded. "It's true. It took me forty years to find you, Dean, to get you out of Hell. We had hoped to find you before you, well, you remember."

Dean winced. People often forgot it wasn't Sam that started the apocalypse. No, that disaster fell strictly at his size elevens.

"Alastair had you in a secret chamber, well off the beaten path," Cas continued. "There was hardly a way to find it."

"And they had the added trouble of trying to fight off the demons protecting you from being found," Gabriel added.

"But, don't you, like, have roll call or something?" Hope prodded.

Gabriel shot her a look. "I work with _demons, _Hope. They're not angels. They don't like to hear their names called out and gold stickers on their work. They're fucking _demons, _genius."

"No need to get snarky," she mumbled, her feathers clearly ruffled.

"So, how do you begin to sweep Hell for Ryan?"

Gabriel shot Cas a look, which Cas returned with a nod. "By leading a charge against Hell, much like Cas did to find you. We go, room by room if we have to, until we find her."

Dean nodded and stood. "Sounds good. I'm going with."

Gabriel's eyes widened. "Are you crazy?! This is Hell, Dad! It's not like Purgatory where you just have to worry about being killed, for crying out loud!"

"And she's my WIFE which trumps any damned argument you could give me! I'm going in there to help you find her!"

Gabriel's jaw set. "No."

"ExCUSE me?!"

"DID I STUTTER?!" Gabriel shouted. "Not just no, but HELL NO. I can't lose you, too, alright?! I need at least ONE parent to give a shit about me as a kid enough to stay alive!"

Dean decked him. Only… "FUCK!" Dean shouted as he grabbed his hand, muttering a whole string of profanities. The bones had shattered on impact. "Why can't I hit you!?"

"Helloooo!" Gabe shouted as he circled his face with his finger. "Archangel, numbnuts!"

Dean clutched his broken hand and glared at his son. "You let Andy hit you." It almost sounded like a childish pout, even to Dean's ears.

Gabriel looked livid, that Winchester temper no doubt coming out to play. "Andy deserved to hit me. You don't. Besides, I'm pissed and wearing my damned angel armor, dumbass!" He took a calming breath and tried again. "You're not seeing reason, Dad."

"Don't," Dean managed. "Don't pull the 'Dad' card on this, Gabriel."

Gabriel's eyes were full of tears as he said, "I have to use any card I got. Don't follow us. If you try to contact Crowley or make any demon deals, I'll know about it."

"You just said you couldn't keep up with every demon under your watch."

"Not every demon, no, but you, a human? Yes."

"Gabe…" In a flutter of wings, Gabriel was gone. "DAMN IT!" Dean shouted. He glared at Cas, but the angel also disappeared.

He turned to Hope, who held out both her hands in surrender. "I wasn't invited. I'm supposed to look after all of you in case this thing goes south, which isn't what I want to do, either, but I at least have enough common sense to realize he's right."

"It's not…he's not…I should…FUCK!" he shouted before he stormed out the door. He might not be able to go to help, but he couldn't stay there, either. The house was stifling. He just needed some air.

He leaned against the railing with both hands before he remembered his right one was broken. "Fuck," he muttered again. He heard the door open and felt Hope's hand on his shoulder. The pain left his hand immediately. "Thanks," he stated begrudgingly.

"You think I don't want to be there with them? She's the love of your life, but she's my mother. Angels…we don't…we've never had a mother. It's completely different than a father figure."

"I know all you kids love her more than me, okay? I don't need the damn reminder."

She grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "Is that what you think?" she cried indignantly.

"Look, Hope, I…"

"Do you know how I cried when you died? Both times. And the time the Leviathans were wearing your faces. And the time you went to Purgatory and you couldn't be found. Don't think I didn't know. I was a child, but I still _knew _you weren't here. So don't hand me some bullshit about not loving you as much as I love her. You weren't there because of some dumb shit promise she made to Gabriel, not because you chose not to be. I love you unconditionally as a daughter should. So don't, for one _second _think I love her more."

He swallowed, wide-eyed as he appraised his daughter. "I'm sorry," he managed as he shook his head and closed his eyes. "I think I can't fuck up anymore and, hey, look at that, I'm proven wrong."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and he put his chin on her head. He didn't have far to reach down. She was growing still. "You're tall, kid."

"I know."

He chuckled flatly and kissed her hair. "I'm sorry. I just…I know Gabe's got that whole bond thing with Ryan like Cas does me and I guess somewhere along the way I got jealous of that."

She leaned back and looked at him. "You and Gabriel have a history. From before, from when he wasn't your son. I have a clean slate with you. I only saw you once before I was born. Well, twice, technically, and we never interacted, so…"

"You…saw me?"

She nodded. "I was there the day the cupid marked you and Mom. Gabriel had taken me back in the past. It was a…whirlwind tour, for lack of a better word. That same day, we traveled through time a lot. I saw her, in the hospital, as they were wheeling her in from the demon's attack. I was there when Gabriel warned Tessa away…"

"Tessa?"

Hope nodded. "The reaper, her name was Tessa."

"I knew her."

Hope swallowed and nodded. "I know. But from there, we traveled to our last stop, the one that was my destination."

"New Orleans."

She bit her lip and nodded. "I saw the two of you leave the diner that morning. I saw the way you flirted with each other. It was so evident, the soul mate's bond. I'd never seen soul mates flirt like that before. Truthfully, I hadn't looked. Gabriel took me to breakfast, told me enough about what my job was…I said yes by the time you two came back. The rest…" she shrugged. "I guess you could say is history."

He marveled at what she had told him. "I never knew. Not really."

She shrugged. "It is what it is."

He thought a moment, then, with the knowledge of what Gabriel had told him about Hope, asked the question he had posed Ryan before. "Do you regret it?"

Her eyebrows rose. "What?"

"Taking Gabe's deal?"

She gave him a half smile. "The first time, or the second time?" She shook her head. "Me and Gabe…we've got an interesting dynamic. We've been friends, best friends, siblings in every sense of the word for a long time. And as such, there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. This? This is the best gift he could have ever bestowed upon me."

She turned then and stared out at the dark lawn. "I've got people who love me." She shook her head and looked down at the knock-out roses Ryan had planted in front of the porch. "I lived for centuries before as Dionysus and I didn't have anyone that ever actually meant it when they said, 'I love you'."

She turned and looked up at him. "Do you know what that does to a person? It destroys them on some level. Sure, I had lackeys and servants and minions and people who literally worshiped the ground I walked on, but that meant nothing, _nothing _compared to hearing 'I'm so proud of you' or 'great job' or 'love ya bunches' which is what Mom used to say to me when I was little. Still does, on occasion." Her voice caught as a lone tear traveled down her cheek.

She blinked rapidly and took in a soft breath. She blew it out, took another, then said, "I know what it's like growing up with a father who cared more about what you could do for them than loving you." She touched his face. "And now, I know what it's like to be loved so unconditionally by a man who would give his life for me without a second thought. _That _is love. And saying the words aren't necessary. I see how they're meant in every single thing you do. From worrying over me and Jesse, which I know you still do," she added with a smile, "To calling and checking on me during a hunt, even though we just started, to making sure our knives are sharpened and we have that extra case of bullets, just to be on the safe side…"

Her smile grew. "I am so lucky to have you and Mom. And the rest of us are, too. You didn't have to take any of them in, but you did. You didn't have to…" her voice caught once more. "You could have walked away after I healed you. But you didn't. You wanted to give us a chance. And for that, I'm forever grateful."

He pulled her to him once more and hugged her for all he was worth. "I love you kids so damn much. All of you. Blood or no. And I love Ryan so much it's like there's a damn hole in my chest without her here. And I'm so honored to be your dad, you know that, kid?"

She hugged him tighter. "I think I do," she said into his chest. She pulled away and sniffled. "Now, go in and get some sleep before I put an angel whammy on you."

"But…"

She shook her head. "It took Cas forty years to find you, Dad. Now, I'm not saying it'll take them that long to find Mom, but it's gonna take overnight." She paused. "Look at it this way; nap now, then, when they find her, you can be fresh. Because when they find her…"

He swallowed. "I know," he choked out. "It's gonna be bad."

She squeezed his bicep before she gave him a gentle push in the direction of the door.

"What about you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I don't need to sleep. I just enjoy it. I can still dream. And in dreams, I can be and do anything, even the things an angel can't."

He remembered, once more, what Gabriel told him. Then he remembered something Ryan's mom had said once. He'd forgotten it until then. That day he was sitting with her, talking about Mary. She'd said, '_I wish you enough_.' When he'd pressed her for more information, she had just shaken her head and smiled. '_Enough of the bad to appreciate the good. Enough of the good to make you push through the bad. The balance of life_.' So he snagged her hand and said, "I wish you enough, Hope."

She bit her lip and smiled. "You too, Daddy."

He heard the door open and Jesse walked out. "Dean."

"Jess." He glanced back at Hope, who was now looking back out at the night. "Be there for her. Comfort her however she needs it, okay?"

Jesse nodded solemnly. "That's my job, and I take it very seriously."

The kid was a good one, Dean had to admit. He clapped the boy on the shoulder, nodded, and walked past him into the house. Maybe he could get a few hours sleep…

* * *

**Ryan POV **

She giggled as the water cascaded over her. She was amazed there was running water down in the bowels of Hell, but she appreciated it. She found some clothes from one of the meatsuits she'd killed earlier, and, appreciating the skin-tight leather pants and skimpy black tank she now wore, she swept her damp curls on top of her head before walking out into the hallway. The power she now possessed felt like a dream. All she had to do was find her way topside and the whole damn world was her oyster.

She walked with purpose down the corridor, the heels of the spiked biker boots clicking on the stone floor. They were a bit 'Hells Angel' for her taste, but the irony wasn't lost on her. Now, she just needed to find that bitch, Rowena, and see what the next play was.

It was, she supposed, no surprise she found Rowena in a huge dressing room, applying makeup to her pale face. The witch saw Ryan in the mirror's reflection and her eyes widened. "Well. How lovely, you've come to find me, pet."

Ryan smiled coldly. "Pet, is it?"

"Of course. I was simply preparing you for what you are now. A glorious demon who will say 'Yes' and allow Lucifer to be freed."

Ryan nodded with a smug, pursed lip as she moved over to the liquor sitting on the bar. "Hope you don't mind, I'm parched. Demon blood does but so much for one's thirst."

"Please. Help yourself."

Ryan poured a shot. Downed it. Poured another one. Downed it. Once she'd poured her third, she turned back to the witch. "See, there's a problem."

Rowena's brows furrowed. "What is that?"

Ryan tossed back the third shot and began stalking toward Rowena. She stopped halfway across the room. "I'm hella powerful. I don't have to do shit you want me to. And, hell, I'm blessed at the moment because I don't give a damn, a fuck, or two flying shits about your 'agenda', Rowena."

Something passed in the witch's eyes and Ryan smiled. Fear. She could all but smell it as it skittered up Rowena's spine. She backed off, not quite ready to scare the dear girl too much yet.

"Oh, almost forgot." She held out her arms and did a spin in a circle. "Well? What do you think?" She spun once more before she gave a little curtsey. "How do you like the finished product?"

She tilted her head at Rowena's horrified expression as she stood back to her full height. "Are you…scared…" she put a finger to her own chest, "Of me? I don't blame you," she admitted with a snort as her eyes flashed black. "The only person I'M scared of is myself. I mean, have you met her?!" Ryan approached the witch slowly as a deep, evil laugh escaped her. She waggled her eyebrows. "Now THAT is a one crazy bitch."

"R-Ryan…"

Ryan slapped the other woman's face. "Shut your cakehole, Rowena. Listen to me veeeeeerrrry carefully, because I'm only going to say it once. I will _never _do what you want. Not because it's wrong. Not because I don't want Lucifer on the loose. No, simply put, I won't do what you want, because you want me to." She smiled sweetly and ran a finger down Rowena's chest. That was when Ryan noticed her dress. It was almost virginal white, encrusted in rhinestones. It was similar to a mermaid style wedding down. Garish, that's what it was. And oddly out of place down here.

Ryan blinked and cackled. "Did you seriously…get yourself made up…for _Lucifer?_" She almost doubled over as she laughed. When she stood straight again, she took in Rowena's look. "You did, didn't you? You wanted him to take you as his blushing bride and praise you for all your so called _good works._" Ryan snorted. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, but even if I _could _get him out? Guess what, sweetums? I'm not going to."

"You will do as I command!" Rowena shouted and shoved some sort of hex bag into Ryan's hand.

Ryan quickly dropped it and smirked. "Please. Think I don't have an inkling as to what that might do? Sorry. Just got the shiny black soul. I'm not inclined to see it go to waste."

She used her powers and shoved Rowena into the wall, then picked her up so she was dangling about a foot from the floor.

"Hey, you're the one who wanted the monster," Ryan told her. "So…hi." She walked closer and got into Rowena's space. "Now, we can do this one of two ways. One, I can just kill you outright and be done with it." Ryan paused as a slow smile spread across her face. "Or two, I can torture you like you've tortured me for the past FIVE YEARS worth of time down here. Choice is yours."

She let go and Rowena managed to land on her feet. Ryan's eyebrow popped up. "Witches really are like cats, huh? Always land on your feet, do you?"

Rowena looked terrified as she began backing along the wall, obviously looking for the door.

Ryan smiled. "What's the matter?" She let out a shrill scream that sent the witch cowering to the floor, covering her ears. "What? No spells? Nothing but blind panic from you? I'm disappointed."

"Maybe it's just no fun if you can't get your hands dirty!" Rowena lunged for her and Ryan felt the witch's nails claw her face.

Ryan threw the other woman off and felt her face. When she pulled her hand away and saw the blood, she let out a growl. "You'll pay for that, you whore!" Instead of using her powers, she went straight for Rowena's throat and slammed her into the stone floor. Rowena's eyes went glassy as Ryan grabbed the hex bag and shoved it into Rowena's mouth. "You wanna play, little girl? News flash, dumbass, I might be younger than you by a few centuries, but you ain't lived near the hell I have. So while you've been playing witch and hide-and-go-seek for however the fuck long ever, I've been training. And I'm in the best shape of my life. So, you wanna die?!"

Rowena shook her head furiously as she gasped for air. "I'm sorry. I can't here you. There seems to be something in your throat, and I swear to whatever deity that'll listen, I'll make sure you choke to death on this damn thing before I end you." She pressed down further on Rowena's windpipe and the witch's eyes bulged just slightly as she fought for breath.

Ryan smiled cruelly as she let up, just enough for Rowena to catch her breath.

That was the moment Rowena seemed to realize she'd messed up, because she let out a bloodcurdling scream.

* * *

**Gabriel POV **

"This is so fucking useless," he growled softly.

"We _will_ find her," Hope told him. His instructions had been to get Dean to go to sleep, then join them on their hunt while she left Jesse to watch over the house.

Gabriel stopped short. Both angels with him did as well as he rounded and got in her face. "Can you stop being so…so fucking _hopeful, _Hope?"

She crossed her arms and leaned into his space. "News flash, dumbass, it's in my damn NAME. And second of all, you have to be believing it as well or you would have written Mom off ages ago!"

His jaw clenched. His fists bunched. And for the first time in his life, he had to resist the urge to hit a girl, angel or no. "Shut up. SHUT UP! You don't get it, alright? Do you know what it's like? It's not just the human connection I have to her, like you, it's our bond!"

"You and Cas and your fucking bonds with them! Some days I thank our Father above I don't have a damn soul I'm bonded to!"

Gabriel opened his mouth then snapped it shut.

"WHAT?!" Hope demanded.

Cas tilted his head to the side as he studied her. "Do you not see it, Hope?"

She blew out a breath. "See. What?"

"You do have a soul you are connected to."

Her eyes widened. "I…I do? Who?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "You're currently bumping uglies with him."

She gasped. "Jesse?! But Jesse…"

"He's half demon. Yeah. I got the memo."

"But. But. But…" she sputtered.

Gabriel smirked. "But the other half of his soul? Human. And when he didn't turn to the dark side, his human side came more into play. And that's where you came in. You bonded with him in the very first timeline. That mark stayed." He inclined his head to Castiel. "Just like Cas and Tory…once that bond is made, nothing can break it."

"So…what do I do?"

Gabriel shook his head. "Nothing. Jesse's good. It's all good."

"Yeah, but…"

"Hope. You're fine and so is he. Let's just focus on getting Mom back, alright?"

She sucked in a breath, blew it out, and nodded. "Yeah. We got work to do."

Gabriel grimaced. "More work than I thought."

"What do you…?"

They had come down a long-forgotten corridor. There was but one doorway that they could see. The door itself was hanging from one hinge and inside looked like a bloodbath.

"My God…" Hope muttered. It looked like some kind of ritualistic killing, or maybe someone just getting their jollies. Meatsuits littered the space, some of the half clothed, most of the looking like they'd been tortured even further than what had turned them demon in the first place.

"Who…who could have done this?"

Gabriel wouldn't tell Dean, mainly because he didn't want the ribbing, but due to the vampire side of him, he had the nose of a bloodhound. And intermingled with all the demon blood was the distinct scent of honeysuckle. "Mom…"

"Mom did this?!" Hope gasped.

"I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's entirely possible she's to blame."

"Holy fuck," Hope murmured.

"Come on, she ain't here," Gabriel stated as he turned.

"If she is not here, where could she be?" Cas asked.

"I don't know. And that scares me," Gabriel replied.

They continued along their way down another hall and found the room she had been tortured in. Hope let out a wail. Blood covered every instrument on the table. There were…fluids and blood, and not all of it was human. "Demon blood," Gabriel murmured as he held up a finger he had dipped into an odd blood pool.

"Demon blood?"

Crowley nodded. "They fed it to her, probably to get it to activate the demon residing within her."

"Wh-What demon?" Hope asked.

"If a human soul has ever come into contact with a demon, like in a possession, it always stays within them. You can purify them all you want, but there is always a hint of demon, just under the surface. Waiting."

"I didn't know that."

Gabriel shrugged. "How many demons have you been in contact before now?" At her silence, he nodded. "Exactly. You stuck with the demi-gods. I wanted to learn as much about Lucifer's bastards as I could."

"I should have-"

"No," he interrupted his sister. "No, Hope. You did as you should. I've just had a lot more time and experience with the demons."

"Still, it was carelessness that led me to not being aware of what a demon could truly do to a human."

"Looks like you're getting a crash course now."

"Shall we continue?" Cas questioned softly, getting them back to task.

Gabe nodded. "Let's keep searching." On they went through more hallways, through a few archways, until the smell of human blood burned in all three of their noses. Gabriel held out the first blade, not that he needed it, but he liked keeping it with The Mark. The other two lifted their angel blades. "Ready?" Gabe mouthed. Both of them nodded. He burst into the door…and gasped. Rowena's mutilated body was lying on the floor. Ryan was hovering over her, covered in blood.

Ryan looked up and faked a surprised expression. "Shit. Would ya look at that?" Holding up her hands, she snickered, "You caught me red-handed."

Cas snorted seemingly without being able to help it. "You certainly chose well, when you chose her for Dean, Gabriel."

"Shut your cake hole, Cas," Gabe growled as he approached her gently. "Mo-Ryan," Gabriel started, holding his hands up in surrender. "Come on. This isn't you."

"Isn't me? Have you _seen _my soul lately? It's me alright. Just new and improved."

"But this isn't what you, the real you wants."

She cocked her head to the side, more animal than anything else, it seemed. "Isn't it?"

"You're a fucking _demon_ at the moment."

She flickered her eyes to black then back to the warm brown Gabriel loved so much. "Huh. Son of a bitch. So I am."

Gabriel nodded, still talking softly. "So, why don't we pop topside, get that pesky thing outta ya, turn you back human, shall we?"

Ryan seemed to think about that a moment and Gabriel's stomach dropped when she said, "Nah. I'm good."

"You…you're good?"

She nodded. "Yep. See, here's the thing. The demon and me? What I've turned into? We're the best of friends. Have been, right from the start. I'm the one that protected her, me, the old me in any case. Me. Not you. Where were YOU in all this, huh? While they mutilated her and cut her and destroyed her, huh?"

"I was trying…"

"Trying to what?!" she screamed shrilly. "You fucked her over again and now I'm what's left and you want to destroy that?!"

"Come on, Ryan, please?"

She seemed to contemplate things before she asked quietly, "Which is worse? Physical pain or emotional pain? You rip this demon outta me and Ryan's going to be useless to you. You think you know what they did to her, to me?! You have no clue!"

"I can't begin to know, I really can't. But…"

"But nothing!"

"You're a fucking _demon_," he repeated. "You gutted Rowena…"

"She deserved it!"

"No telling what else you've done down here."

"You mean killing about thirty demons after watching a few of them be tortured for a while? Drinking their blood? Wallowing about in it like it's a mud bath?" She let out a demented giggle. "Did you know demon blood is good for your skin and hair? No wonder Sam's so pretty. I wonder if I can get my hair to shine like his does…"

Gabriel groaned. "Come on, Ryan, for the love of…let's get you back home. Back to the boys. Back to Dean…"

She shot him a cold expression. "You act like I want to be cured."

She shoved them each back against the wall using her newfound powers. "Personally, I like the disease."

"Jesus," Gabe muttered. "You and Dad really WERE a match made in heaven…"

She gave him a smirk. "Well, we're certainly a match. But I doubt heaven had anything to do with it."

He shot her a look. "Actually, it did…more specifically, ME. Remember?"

"Oh…" Ryan's lip curled. "Yeah. Thanks for that, by the way. As a little girl, I always dreamed I'd meet that perfect guy. You know, one who'd screw anything within a ten-mile perimeter, a list of trust issues so long, it'd put the government to shame…oh, and let's not forget the string of cross-bred bastards we've pumped out. Am I forgetting anything?"

"Fucking hell," Hope muttered. "Can we muzzle her?"

Gabe shot his sister a look. "Alright, don't you two lovely ladies go cat fighting on me. Looks like you and Rowena already had the whole 'ginger death match' thing going on. No need to make it demon versus angel." He tried for some levity as he added, "Besides, you're scaring poor Cas."

Ryan ran her tongue over her teeth. "You know, I never did cheat on Dean. But that doesn't mean I didn't look." She sidled up to Castiel. "And you look pretty damn good, Angel."

"Aaaaaand I'm squicked out," Gabriel said on a moan. "Maybe a muzzle is in order. But for now…" he held up the demon chains he'd been carrying.

Ryan's eyebrows waggled. "Kinky."

"Ew," Hope growled. "I'm gonna barf."

Ryan's eyes turned to the girl. "That angel's been inside of me every way but what's fun. Grow up." She smirked. "Say, why don't you go back to playing with your Barbie's. Let the adults handle this."

Hope's eyes narrowed. "You know I never played with Barbie's."

"No. Too busy trying to be just like your father for that."

Hope's chin rose. "He's worth it."

"He's worthless. All of you are. None of you saved me. None of you were here…"

Gabriel had taken that opportunity to snap the chains on Ryan's wrists. "Come on. Let's get you back. I'll work on un-fucking your head once we have you human again."

"No!" she shouted as he gave the chains a slight tug. "NO! You can't! I'm broken and shattered! You'll kill me surer than if you stuck that blade in my gut! Don't!"

Gabriel put the blade in his waistband, because he wouldn't put it past her to try something stupid, and gave her a slight push. "Come on. Back to the bunker we go. One demon cure, coming up."

"No! No!" she screamed.

He rolled his eyes and with a soft, "I'm sorry," punched her, knocking her unconscious. He picked her up bridal style before he glanced at Cas and Hope, both who had him fixed with a disapproving look. "What? Better than to deal with her crying and screaming until we get her back up there."

"I am not sure this course of action is the best one, Gabriel."

Gabe stopped short and stared at Cas. "What?! She's a fucking _demon_," he repeated for a third time. "Hello, we gotta fix her."

"What about what the demon said? She had a point," Hope spoke up. "We turn her back human, she's going to remember everything they did to her."

"Not if I erase her memories."

"You and I both know that is a temporary fix at best," Cas reminded him. "If we take her back like this…the memories, Gabriel…brother, this isn't a smart course of action."

"So, what?! We kill the demon, kill HER? Nope. Nah-uh. Unacceptable. We go back, we turn her back human, we deal with the fallout."

"And her sanity? We are all aware of how tenuous her control is, even now. If that snaps…"

"Dad can fix her. A soul mate's bond is a powerful thing."

Hope ran a soft hand over Ryan's face. "The things she will have to overcome, Gabriel…"

"Do you want to go back up there and tell Dad we found her dead? Do you want to be the one to tell Bobby and Jon their mother isn't coming back? Half a mom is still better than none at all! Believe me! I know, okay?!"

Hope swallowed. "I oft forget you've lived through this before."

"She has been a demon in more than one of the timelines," Gabriel growled. "Dad always manages to get her back. He'll do it again. That's his job."

Hope nodded. "Alright then. Let's get her back topside."

**Dean POV **

Dean woke slowly to sunlight just starting to light the room. He had curled around Ryan's pillow. It still smelled like her. Suddenly, he felt someone watching him. He flipped over and found Cas there. "Cas?!"

The angel smiled grimly. "We have found her and brought her back to the bunker."

"You…you…" Dean was up like a shot and grabbed Cas in a huge bear hug. "You found her!"

Cas hugged him back tentatively then pulled away. "Yes, but, Dean…there are…issues."

Dean stopped short. "Is she hurt?"

"Hurt? Not physically, well, not terribly."

"But…that's great! That's…" he saw the look on the angel's face and felt his stomach drop once more. "What?"

"She's…Rowena managed to turn her, Dean."

Dean felt sure his face was a mask of confusion. "Turn her…what?"

"She is a demon."

Dean wasn't sure exactly what his next action was, but he was aware of Cas shoving him to the bed and forcing his head between his knees. "Breathe," Cas instructed.

Dean focused on his breathing a few moments before he looked up at his friend. "Demon?"

Cas nodded. "We found her standing over Rowena's mutilated body. It appears she did not conform and killed Rowena."

Dean let out a snort. "That's my girl." He stood. "I want to see her."

Cas gripped his shoulder. "I do not think that is the wisest course of action, Dean. She isn't Ryan."

"She's Ryan, just with a twisted soul, right?"

"Exactly." He paused. "However, one that is currently spewing vitriol about like she's handing out puppies."

Dean blinked. "Well that's…graphic."

"I do not believe you understand the severity of this situation and I cannot allow you to hear what she has to say for fear it will ruin your relationship."

Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Is it that bad?"

"Bad enough Gabriel sent Hope out of the room once Ryan regained consciousness."

"I don't care. I need to be there." He sat back on the bed and began putting his boots on. "Did you tell Sam?"

"No. I came here first."

"Go tell him. He'll want to be there, I'm sure. Andy, too, for that matter."

"Dean…"

"Go, Cas. I'll drive in. Tory here already?"

He nodded. "She never left after getting the boys to bed last night."

Dean stopped short. "I'm sorry, Cas, I know this has been tough on you and her and Claire…"

Castiel shook his head. "You are family. We all think so. Even Claire feels a kinship to you all."

Dean clapped him on the shoulder. "Thanks, man, for everything. You're my brother, you know that, right?"

The angel smiled. "And I am very proud to have such a title. I'll go tell Sam."

Dean grabbed the other man's shoulder. "Cas, word of warning? If you don't want to see either him or Andy in a…compromising position? I'd suggest going to their doorstep. Their front doorstep. Just to be on the safe side."

Cas gave him a half smile and an attempt at a wink. "Good idea."

Dean watched him disappear and shook his head. He didn't bother showering or shaving, just took a piss, brushed his teeth, and hurried down the stairs. He caught Tory in the kitchen, making pancakes. Claire was sitting in the living room in the big easy chair, reading to the boys. "Did you hear?" Dean asked in way of greeting.

Tory nodded and smiled. "I'm so glad they've got her. They'll get it all squared away and she'll be home soon."

He paused. "Did you tell the boys?"

Tory shook her head. "No, I thought that was something that should come from you."

Dean felt an excitement he hadn't felt in ages but he paused. "Let's not tell them yet, just…" He didn't know what the case might be, how they would take her back from a demon. They'd tried with Crowley and it hadn't worked. Hope had worked her mojo on Dean when he'd died but was that the same thing? What if it didn't work? What if…what if they couldn't save her? He swallowed. "What if…"

"Stop it right there," Tory commanded. "She's coming back. It'll take a little time, but she will be back, Dean."

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, she will. I'll bring her home tonight, tomorrow at the latest and then…"

Tory smiled. "Then we can start celebrating. We've got a new Winchester coming into the world."

Dean winced. He hadn't been there for Sam or Andy very much. He could only hope they were doing alright. The party yesterday hadn't really been a chance to talk, not with the kids running around and the forced levity. Andy had been a real trooper through everything, jerking a knot in his ass, as Ryan would say, and keeping him straight. But was she doing alright? Now wasn't the time, but…He grabbed Tory in a big hug. "Thank you, Tor. You're the rock, you and Cas. You've been here for all of us and I just…hell, I love ya, alright?"

She hugged him a moment before she pulled away and wiped at her eyes. "Get out of here, you big softie. Go get your woman and bring her home."

Dean smiled and turned. He went to give both his boys a hug, then hurried out the door to the Impala. He had somewhere to be.

* * *

When he arrived at the bunker, he was met by Ben. "Dude…"

Dean stopped short. "What?"

"You don't…she's crazy and she's evil, Dean. Don't go in there. Hope's beside herself. I don't know what she said to her, but it's just about drove Hope over the edge."

"Jesse with her?"

Ben nodded. "And Krissy. I wanted to wait and cut you off at the pass…"

"Thanks for your concern, Ben, but there's nothing she could say to me that would make me love her any less."

"It's not about the love, it's about…"

Dean held up a hand. "No. I've been without her too long already. So she's got a black soul? Big deal. We'll fix it, just like we always do."

Ben swallowed. "Alright, your funeral."

Dean walked into the bunker and down the steps. He saw Jesse and Hope sitting, their heads together, whispering softly. Jesse looked up at the sound of Dean's footsteps and Hope turned her head to see him. "Daddy!"

He caught her as she ran to him and he wrapped her in a hug. "Shhh, was it that bad? Did she say something to hurt you?"

"N-No, it's just…she's not Mom. She's…she's like every bad thing Mom has in her? Every character flaw? It's been warped and twisted and…"

"So…you're saying she's opinionated and tenacious on an evil scale now?"

Hope gave a half smile at that. "Kinda? I just…she's not being mean like, at anyone in particular, but she doesn't want to be turned back."

"What demon does?"

She blew out a breath. "Gabriel has her trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey in the dungeon. She's…I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of her mouth."

"Demons lie," he reminded her. "And even though she's Ryan, I know she's not our Ryan."

"Remember that. No matter what she says, okay?"

Dean nodded and pulled her to him once more. He kissed her hair. "We're getting her back, alright?"

"O-Okay."

He swallowed hard, though his mouth was dry as the Sahara, and walked down the hall to the storage room with the dungeon beyond. He stopped short when he heard Gabriel talking.

"Come on, Ryan, you know you want to be human again. Demons like you are vile creatures."

Ryan snorted. "Whoever decided demons were evil and humans were good? Look at the life hunters lead! Whoever said they were the good ones?"

"We're better than that. What you did to those demons down in Hell…"

"What I did?! I gave them their just desserts. Don't you remember that, Gabriel? Remember the times I hunted while you were inside me?! Remember how you talked me into killing more than deserved it because they needed their JUST DESSERTS!?"

"I was WRONG!" Gabriel shouted. "Those monsters…they didn't all deserve to die."

"Of course they did. We're all monsters in the end."

"When Sam gets here with the purified blood, we're going to begin. I don't want to risk using angel blood on you. Not now."

"Shoot me full of the stuff all you like, I'm not going to go down without a fight."

"Would you just shut up?" Gabriel pled.

Ryan chortled. "Come on, you've got to admit, I'm a hell of a lot more interesting like this, Gabe."

Dean could hear the strain in the angel's voice as he vowed, "I'm gonna pull that demon out of you. I'd do it the angel way if I didn't think it would hurt you."

"Please. You're so damn eager to get this black soul out of me, you'd kill me if you didn't know Dean would kill you."

"Damn right I would," Dean stated as he walked into the storage room. His breath caught as he saw her chained up in the devil's trap.

Her head whipped up and she smiled. "Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. So nice of you to join us."

"Ryan…"

She smiled sweetly, then her eyes flashed black. "BOO!" He took an automatic step back and she cackled. "Gotta love the expression on your face. What's wrong? Not happy to see me, babe?"

"Of course I am!" he stated, indignant.

"Just not as a demon, right?" She lowered her head then looked up at him through her lashes. "Prefer poor, sad, depressed Ryan instead? The more demure, softer version? Is she better?"

"You know I'd take you any way I can get you, Rys. I just…you're a demon, peaches."

She leaned back and stretched her back just slightly, stretching out her arms as far as the chains would let her, which wasn't more than a few inches. Thanksgiving turkey was right. "Thanks. Got the memo."

"You…" He was at a loss for words.

She seemed to sense that fact as she said; "Demon was preferable, you know, after what they did to me."

"Ryan…"

"Wanna talk about it?" she offered. "Let's see…there was the beating, and the cutting, the broken bones, oh, and the rapes. Let's not forget those."

Dean's stomach turned.

Her tone was patronizing as she told him; "You know, it's hard to decide which was worse. The sodomy or the forced anal penetration." She paused in thought. "Yep, gotta go sodomy. It's a bitch not being able to breathe, and, hey, when your nose is broken so bad you can't breathe out of it, and they shove a cock down your throat, well, it kinda makes you see God and not in a fun way."

"Ryan…"

She laughed throatily. "I'm good, sweetheart. Don't worry about it. Got rid of that pesky virginal soul, traded it in for this one and it…feels…fabulous!"

"Ryan…"

"NO!" she shouted at him, pulling at her chains. "You do NOT get to do this. If you love me AT ALL, Dean Winchester, you won't let them do this to me! Don't let them turn me back into a human!"

Dean started shaking his head. "I can't…"

"I'll kill myself! You wait and see! You rip this demon soul out of me and all that regret, all those horrible memories will drop me into the greatest pit of depression I've ever been in! You bring me back like that, I'll leave you for good and God help you if you try to bring me back again!"

He was aware of Sam standing at his back. "Dean," Sam spoke softly and handed him something. Dean looked in his hand. It was a syringe filled with blood. Dean looked at his brother. "It's not mine. I got it from the hospital, had a priest bless it. Bring her back, Dean. We'll deal with the rest. Demons lie…"

Dean's resolve hardened as he gripped the syringe and walked the ten steps to stand beside her.

"How do you know that won't kill me?" she prompted.

He shook his head as two tears tracked down his face. "You dead is better than you being this," he told her as he rammed the needle into her neck.

Her eyes widened and she let out a roar. "NO! FUCK!" she cried as she began thrashing.

Dean backed up and continued as he shook his head. He dropped the syringe just on the outside of the demon trap. "I…"

"We got this," Sam told him with a gentle smile. "Me and Gabe have this. Go wait for her. When it's over, she'll need you."

Dean's eyes were wide as he watched her. She had broken out into a cold sweat and she was still thrashing and screaming. "I'm sorry," he whispered before he turned and all but ran out of the room.

He walked down the hall to his old room. No one stayed in it now, hadn't, for quite some time. A glance around showed someone had been in there, though, and noticing a familiar shirt, gathered Gabriel had at least been spending his down time there. He had wondered where the boy had been since it wasn't at the house.

He sucked in great lungfuls of air as he tried to catch his breath and failed. That was when he noticed the bottle of Hunter's Helper sitting on the bedside table. He grabbed the half-full bottle and downed a generous sip before he dropped his head and stared at his boots.

"You know, I have something that can help," Crowley stated. Dean looked up. He hadn't even realized he had dropped to the bed. Crowley was sitting at the desk in the matching chair.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

Dean snorted. "Not as far as I could throw you."

Crowley guffawed. "I don't blame you for that, Squirrel, but I've got something that will help."

"What?" Dean repeated.

"I can't say here. This place…it has ears."

"Crowley, I ain't in the mood for your games. She's in there and they're torturing her in a completely different way and I just…"

"Married life certainly has beaten the fire out of you, hasn't it?"

"What do you…?"

"THIS!" Crowley exclaimed as he gestured up and down Dean. "This pathetic excuse for a human I see before me. At least in the beginning, you had a-a burning desire for truth and a sense of purpose. Now you just seem to…revolve around her."

"Soul. Mate." Dean bit out.

"I didn't realize she had your boys in a vice, mate."

"Crowley, I'm gonna ask once; you to shut your trap before I jam an angel blade up your ass."

"All bark and no bite," Crowley commented.

Dean's hands fisted. "Goddamn it, Crowley, I'm fucking helpless, alright?! There is nothing I can do to fix this! I can't…I can't stand to see her hurting because demons might lie, but she's got a point. They destroyed her and I'm…I'm afraid of what shape the pieces are in. Duct tape and safety pins and super glue aren't going to put her back together!" He took another swig of the cheap whiskey and said, "I feel so damn impotent. I can't do a fucking thing to fix this and that's worse. You think I wouldn't sell my damn soul again for her? Think I wouldn't go demon myself to rip a hole right in those fucktards that did this to her?! Think again, because there is literally nothing I wouldn't do for her. Nothing."

"First off, I'm impressed you know what the word 'impotent' means."

"Fuck you."

Crowley ignored the jab. "And second, I may have a solution."

"I'm all ears."

"It would require a modicum of trust though…"

Dean appraised him. He'd been…acquainted with Crowley a long time. The demon only did things that served himself. But in this instance, there didn't seem to be anything particularly malevolent about him. "You yankin' my chain?"

"This time? No."

There was something in Crowley's tone, the way he held himself, Dean wanted to believe him. He stood, took another drink, and nodded. "Okay."

Crowley grabbed his arm. "It is easier this way."

"What are you…?" Dean blinked, and they weren't in the bunker anymore. He stumbled as his head spun and he reached a hand out for the warm stone wall. "What the fuck, Crowley?"

"Follow me," the demon instructed.

"Not until you tell me where we are and what we're doing."

Crowley offered him almost a gentle smile as he beckoned him forward. "Come with me, I have something to put a proper fire in that belly…"

Dean blinked and pushed off the wall. When his world didn't swim around him, he started walking. "Wh-Are we in Hell?"

"Yes."

Dean blinked again, but realizing he didn't even know how to get out of the joint if he tried, he shrugged and followed Crowley. If this was a trap, well, he had the angel blade stowed on his ankle, just in case.

They walked for forever it seemed. "Damn. Don't you have an easier way to travel around this joint?"

"It's Hell," Crowley stated and Dean was fairly certain the demon rolled his eyes.

They finally arrived at a door guarded by… "Meg?"

The demon smiled. "S'up, Dean?"

"Uh…not much, I guess."

Meg winked at him and turned to Crowley. "Does 'you know who' know he's here?"

Crowley shook his head. "No. But this is Dean's job. He deserves it."

Meg looked Dean up and down. "Yeah. He does. It's been a bitch for me to stand guard instead of going in there and…"

"Yes, Meg. We know," Crowley stated in a bored tone.

She crossed her arms. "So, if you two are here…"

"Go. If His Excellency asks, I'll take full responsibility for this. I told you I was sent by him, blah, blah, blah."

She smirked. "Good. I have other shit to take care of." She grabbed Dean's arm. "Just so you know, there's a lot of wicked shit I do to souls down here, but they deserve it. For what it's worth, know that I know she didn't deserve what they did to her." She turned to Crowley. "Don't forget to let him visit the…special wing."

Crowley frowned. "Yes. The special wing. Until we find out how to remove that spell on her, I guess we can continue to have some fun."

Meg's nose wrinkled. "Has he got his witches working on a counter curse?"

"After they pull the demon from Ryan, yes."

Dean's heart lurched to hear the demon call her by name. But then Crowley was motioning him toward the door. They stepped inside to find three 'men' in a row on their knees, hands bound behind their backs, including, Dean noticed, a younger man he recognized as Gavin McLeod. At Dean's surprised look, Crowley directed him to a table across the room. Various knives, blades, and countless other painful looking devices, some used, were laid out.

"Crowley…"

"I seem to recall from our longstanding relationship that revenge has always served you well." The demon picked up a particularly wicked looking knife with a curved blade and turned it under the faint light. "More specifically, revenge on those that inflict pain to the people you care about." Narrowing his eyes, he sniffed the blade. "Blade's been used recently."

Dean crossed his arms. "You gonna make a fucking point, or do I get to die waiting?"

Crowley sighed. "No finesse. Not a damn one of you Winchesters possess a shred of finesse." He shook his head. "Point is this, mate; those…stains," he pointed toward the demons on the floor, "Used this blade to peel away your lady love's humanity, one strip of milky skin at a time."

A smile played over Crowley's mouth as Dean's gaze move to the demons against the wall and his face contorted with anger. "These…"

"Anseth, the one on the left, has a history of hiding. It was lucky I found him." Crowley paused. "The one in the middle I believe you have heard of. Goes by the name of Raeburn."

Dean's hands fisted at his sides.

"I figured you would recognize the name. So," Crowley continued aloofly, laying the blade down, "Why not let your old friend Crowley set up a bit of fun? It would only be temporary, of course, but you'd be your old carefree self again. Your more likeable self. A self I could tolerate."

Dean's jaw clenched. "Why you doing this?"

"Because I can. And because I don't like being under anyone's thumb, including my new bestie, Gabriel. And because I know you, Dean Winchester. I am a demon, and as such, I'm able to…tap into memories I haven't had. I know what went on when you were a demon before. And though you may not remember it, I do."

"So, what? We were best friends in another timeline and you want to do me a favor? What's in it for you?"

Crowley shrugged. "I'm a bad person. I always have been. I beat my child because it was a small form of entertainment and he was an incredible disappointment to me. I was a terrible human being. I'm a demon. I've tortured souls just for the fun of it. But what they did to Ryan? Despicable. The fact they did it to Dean Fucking Winchester's wife? Well, that was just stupidity on their part. I'm simply serving them their just desserts."

Dean's lip turned up just a bit. "You've been hanging out with Gabriel too long."

The demon shrugged again. "He loves her. And you love her. And I cannot, in good conscience, let these three go off scot-free. I managed to gather them and all but tied them up in giftwrapping for you. The others didn't have anything to do with her tortures. I killed them all outright. But these three? They are the ones that turned her. They are the ones that broke her to the point the only relief she got was drinking the demon blood. I do not know her, but you and Gabriel do. And that is good enough for me." He smiled. "And, too, maybe I just want to watch you go animalistic on them all. I didn't get to see you while you were torturing souls in Hell. I hate I missed it."

Dean clenched his fists. He wanted to get his hands on them so bad, his palms were itching but something niggled at his brain. "What did you mean, temporary?"

"I can turn you into a demon, Dean. Let you have your fun with them without the pesky details of feeling sorry for them, feeling sorry for yourself, even."

Dean swallowed. "Temporary?"

"Absolutely. Gabriel can change you back once he's finished with Ryan, then you can both be the same pathetic human meatsacks you are now."

Dean shot him a look.

Crowley held up both hands. "You don't have to say 'yes' you know…"

"You know good and well I'm gonna say 'yes'." He paused. "This doesn't require any kissing, does it?"

Crowley chuckled. "No. This one is for free. Gabriel would handle this, I know he would. After all, he is the one that sent me looking for these imbeciles in the first place, but I know you need this. You need to take retribution out of their arses."

Dean picked up the blade, the one that had Ryan's blood on it, and he felt his resolve stiffen.

"This is my vow; I will get you back, Dean. Consider this a freebie. You are a lot of things, but a sad, sniveling excuse for a human isn't one of them."

Dean's jaw ticked once more. "Cut the flowery bullshit and do what you gotta, temporary or not. At least, that way, it won't hurt to look at her."

He turned his attention to the unfortunate fodder in the room. "And when you're done? Cut their bonds, get 'em on their feet. Prey's no good if it can't fight."

Crowley's mouth lifted ever so slightly. "Very well. Will you be needing the devices then? How do you plan to take out your frustration?"

Dean still held the knife, but he didn't use it. He smirked as he walked behind one of the demons. He reached down, grabbed a finger, and slowly bent it backwards until he heard a satisfying crunch. "Very, very slowly. Even more; painfully. All I need is this," he held up the knife, "And my imagination."

Crowley chuckled gleefully. "As you wish."

Dean approached Crowley once more. "So…what have I gotta…"

Crowley grabbed his wrist. "Leave that up to me."

Dean wasn't sure what Crowley did, but he felt the shift within him as the demon took over. He didn't know if maybe it had always been there, hunkered down deep within him or what, but it bubbled to the surface easily enough.

"How do you feel?"

Dean's eyes flickered to black. "Ready to fuck some shit up."

"Excellent."

Dean glared at Crowley. "Keep up with my time. I don't want to be away from her too long."

"You're in Hell, mate. Take all the time you need." He turned to make his exit, then stopped and said over his shoulder, "Boys? Condolences."

"Crowley, wait."

The demon turned. "Yeah?"

"The kid…?"

Crowley looked at Gavin in distain. Dean didn't feel sorry for him, but he did look like a pathetic excuse as he whimpered in a pool of his own piss. Dean hadn't noticed the kid was still human before, but he was. Well, wasn't that just fun?

"He had his chance at a future," Crowley told him. "He fucked with what was yours, and an innocent woman, to boot. He made his bed. Do with him what you wish."

"Oooooh," Dean smiled as he looked at Gavin. "Looks like daddy just made you my bitch." He noticed Crowley was still watching him, and Dean always did have showboat tendencies. He strode up to the kid and grabbed him by the back of the neck. "Let me be the first to build a firm foundation under all that fear," he growled. "I got a bloodlust and a hatred for you to match your old man's and I ain't gentle."

He unbuckled his belt and pulled it off before shoving it in the boy's mouth. "Trust me. You're gonna need that." He paused. "Well, I should clarify; it's not as much for your comfort as it is for mine. Flaying bodies gets kinda stale with all the whimpering and blubbering. Listening to deserving jackoffs like you beg for their lives is what gets me going, so if you feel chatty in that department? Let me know and I'll take the gag off."

He smirked as he slowly sank a blade into Gavin's side, then he turned to stone and his voice deepened as a black fog enveloped the green of his eyes. "Fair warning; let me hear 'sorry' or 'I was just doing my job'? I'll keep you alive while I carve out your kidney and feed it to you." The smirk reappeared. "Hell, I may have to do that anyway. I am a demon after all, right? I'D JUST BE DOING MY FUCKING JOB!"

"Enjoy!" Crowley told him. With that, he snapped his fingers and the other two demon's chains all fell off. They stood and encircled Dean.

"Well, well, well. Looks like I'm surrounded. You poor bastards."

* * *

When Crowley reappeared a few hours? days? weeks? later, Dean was just starting to work on Anseth. He knew his time was limited and he'd wanted to spend the majority of his time with Raeburn. He had almost hated to kill him, he was enjoying torturing the creature, but he'd known he had to let it go. He had enjoyed recreating as much of Ryan's tortures from the first time around as he could. The rest was sheer imagination on his part. And Dean was quite inventive. Shoving the angel blade literally up the guy's ass had been one of the many highlights he would treasure always. But now he was working over Anseth. He had him up on a rack and was, at the moment, flaying the demon's skin.

"Is now a bad time?" Crowley asked.

Dean snarled, his eyes black, but then he realized who had interrupted him and he smirked as he stepped over Gavin's decimated body. "Nope. Just having a little fun with that one," Dean told him as he pointed at Anseth with his knife. "It may take me a while longer."

Crowley surveyed the damage about the room and his eyebrow popped. "Well, I must admit, you and your blushing bride do have similar styles. You should have seen what she did to a room full of Rowena's demons. It was a thing of beauty."

"Show me later?"

Crowley inclined his head. "Of course."

"How are we on time?"

"Fine. She's still a demon, because apparently the treatment takes a while but you have plenty of time to continue your…work."

Dean smiled. "I'd shake your hand, but…" he held up his bloodstained ones, "I'm guessing you don't want to dirty your suit."

"It is Armani, you mook. Damn right I don't want it getting sullied."

"I always wondered why you dressed like you're going to conduct business."

"I am a businessman, first and foremost, Dean."

"You ever feel the urge to go casual? Howl at the moon?"

Something crossed in Crowley's eyes but he shook his head. "No. I don't."

Dean shrugged. "Sucks to be you, stuck in a monkey suit."

Crowley's look changed to one of amusement. "Enjoy your time. If you finish with him and you have some leftover time, I'll give you an extra treat."

Dean's brows furrowed.

Crowley simply said; "Rowena."

"Ryan killed her. Didn't she?"

"Fun fact; mother dearest has a 'no death' clause. She has a spell that will reanimate her body if she dies. That's how she's managed to survive so long without one shred of muscle on her scrawny body."

"A chance at the bitch that started the ball rolling in this clusterfuck? I'm so there. Give me another hour." He looked at Anseth, who, unlike Raeburn, was cowering slightly. Or maybe it was because Dean had made him watch what he'd done to the human and the other demon. Dean loved the smell of fear in the air. "On second thought, better give me a little more than that."

"No rush. She'll be there."

* * *

By the time they got back to the bunker, Dean was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but it had been cathartic. He was almost drunk on the power as Crowley unceremoniously dumped him just over the devil's trap. Dean was dimly aware of Ryan, passed out in the chair and the fact Gabriel was alone in the space.

"YOU WHAT?!" Gabriel shouted at Crowley. Apparently the demon had spilled the beans about Dean's new groove. "YOU TURNED HIM INTO A FUCKING DEMON!? I TOLD YOU TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM! NOT DO…THIS!"

Crowley shrugged. "SO? You're fixing her, fix him. Two for one deal, right?" He sighed at the look he was being shot. "Squirrel needed to be the one to torture the torturers and I provided him an outlet for said torture that wouldn't torture him. It's win-win, really."

Gabriel ground his teeth so hard, the demon winced at the sound. "Get outta my face, Crowley, or so help me…"

"Yeah, yeah, love you too." With that, he disappeared.

Ryan lifted her head and slowly closed her eyes as she breathed in the air. "Ahhhh…smell that? Someone's been ankle deep in body fluids and…" She sniffed the air. "Is that…malevolence?" She opened her eyes and her smile grew. "No. THAT. Is retaliation." Her eyes went black as they fixed on Dean, who sat up and looked at her. "My knight in shining armor."

He scowled. "I wouldn't go that far," he said as he stood. "But, it was a thing of beauty. Sorry you missed the part where they all asphyxiated on their own junk." His own eyes went black then. "After seeing you…what they did…" He shrugged. "I was stuck between 'fuck it' and 'what if'. Crowley's mojo and their blood closed the distance."

"Small price to pay, all things considered." She paused. "Demon? Really? I thought you said I was better dead than as a demon. Then you go off and get yourself turned?"

"I was wrong," he admitted.

She winced at the cuffs holding her. "Please tell me those gorgeous new peepers aren't the only perk you got to keep."

Dean was glad she seemed to accept the apology. He approached with a wicked smile. And waggled his eyebrows. "Sweetheart…" a snap of his fingers dropped the cuffs to the ground. "You know me. I got ALL the upgrades."

They got about as far as the door where Gabriel was waiting. "Going somewhere?"

"Step aside, Junior," Dean began.

Gabriel's eyes burned angel blue. "What did I tell you?! Archangel, dumbass. Your powers can't trump mine."

Dean's eyes flickered black. "Wanna bet?"

"Oh hell yeah. It's on."

Gabriel's eyes widened when he held out a hand, eyes glowing blue, only to hear Dean's laughter.

"Nice try, son," he said when he finally caught his breath. "But mine's bigger. Guess that's what happens when you sully your vessel with vampire blood." Eyes black, Dean threw his hand up, then his brow furrowed. "What the hell…?"

Ryan flashed a bright smile, it's eeriness made more so by her own black eyes. She put a finger to her chin and remarked sarcastically. "How about that? A contest that can't be decided with wingspan or the spell of a witch's bastard."

Gabriel stammered, "H-How in the…?"

"Lucifer's vessel, silly!" Ryan squealed. "Add in the angel grace I got left over from you? I got a hell of a lot more pumping through me than Rowena realized, until she made the mistake of stirring the pot." She held her arms out proudly. "Now? Well, she opened the floodgates and…" She trailed off and looked at Dean. He knew he must have been wearing his own dumfounded look. "Oh, the trouble you and I are gonna stir up, gorgeous," she vowed with a pat to his face, earning a smile from him.

A slow smirk spread across his face. "Damn, peaches, keep talkin'. The angry sex is gonna be EPIC."

He held out his arm for her and she grabbed it. With a little finger-wave from Ryan in Gabriel's direction, Mr. and Mrs. Dean Winchester disappeared.


End file.
